The Joe Rogan Experience - #688 - Brian Redban

Episode Date: August 25, 2015

Brian Redban is a comedian and the founder of the Deathsquad podcast network. http://deathsquad.tv

Ladies and gentlemen, the internet is a fucking crazy place. I need some positive, positive stuff, because I fucked up today. This morning, got up this morning, did my usual stuff, checked my email, handled some business, was sitting there drinking a little kombucha, and I read my message board. I was sitting there drinking a little kombucha, and I read my message board. And I read this Planned Parenthood thread. Oh, shit. I'm just tweeting our shit. And I read about, I don't know if you guys know what's going on.

The Planned Parenthood was, they were accused of selling fetuses and actually not just selling fetuses, but making deals to deliver more intact fetuses and talking about, um, the body parts as, as line items. And I was like, well, come on, that can't be real. So call me Pete is the gentleman who put it up on the website on the message board. If you're having a problem, join that message board, by the way. We switched hosts and there was just a giant fuck up along the way. And along the way, there was something around 13,000 spam accounts signed up that were just fake, like a of numbers like six seven eight nine ten six seven eight nine ten eleven Six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve like that kind of shit like a bunch of them So we have to figure out a way to filter that stuff out, but we'll let people in soon

Anyway, the video if you want to search for the video The video on YouTube if you really want to watch it It's intact fetuses in quotes, just a matter of line items for Planned Parenthood. So I watch it and the video is disturbing. First of all, it's disturbing the way this woman is talking about fetuses and you know, it's, it's kind of creepy the way she's talking about the, uh, there's buyers that want these specimens and they're i guess they're for medical tests or for scientific tests it's it's hard to it's hard to sit through the whole thing and then they get deep into the video and that's where it gets really fucking disturbing

because the people that are buying ask if they can see some of the product or some of the samples, I think is the word they used. So the woman says, well, from the abortion state, they're all just in like a big pile. And they say, well, it's okay. We just, you know, we would like to go see him. So they go to this pile and they start picking things out with tweezers including fully intact arms with hands like a little baby arm that's maybe you know an inch and a half long two inches long with fingers and um you know they're talking about it like like you would talk about like how you grow tomatoes like well if you get tomatoes that are like six weeks old they Look like that if you get them that are 12 weeks old you get more more parts

Dude, it's fucking Really disturbing because they're pulling these things out with tweezers. Oh, this is a lung. Oh, what is that? What can you get can you see the thalamus? Well? It's hard to tell in this big pile. It's a pile of parts man and first of all, if you've ever had an abortion or you know someone's had an abortion, you've had a girlfriend or you personally, you don't think about what exactly is going on there. But when you look at this pile of these parts, you're forced to recognize exactly what it is and then you're forced to wonder what's going on through the minds of these people that are just talking about them and referring to them in quotes just a matter of line items and there's this fucking pile of baby parts that they sucked out of a woman's body or a bunch of women's bodies. It's disturbing.

I remember seeing this video because it was made for a recent bill or something like that in Congress that the anti-abortion people put as a shock video, a scare video. And I thought it was fully debunked. I didn't know that that was actual real thing. How was it fully debunked? I guess the video makes it show it's supposed to be one of those gotcha videos where it's mixing lies with real stuff that they actually do in the video. And I thought for sure it was debunked, but maybe I was wrong. I didn't really look into it too much. Well, if you think it was debunked,

you can figure out a way to pull up a link that says it's debunked. What Planned Parenthood hoax really proves right-wing extremists have no qualms about destroying people's lives? And when does this come out? This came out July 16th. That's Salon.com, though, by the way, which is an insanely left-wing site. Is it? Yeah.

So let's just Google it just to see. Planned Parenthood video. White House says Planned Parenthood videos are fake. Well, what's fake? Yeah, I don't know. You mean it's not the real people? Okay. New Planned Parenthood video.

Okay. called stem express that buys aborted baby parts from Planned Parenthood and sells them to researchers there are no graphic images in this video but Dyer's comments about shipping the severed intact uh I don't know what that word is calv calv uh calvifer calvarium calvarium? Calvarium? Hmm. Calvarium. Calvarium, or skull of an aborted baby, are bone-chilling. Stem Express, they say, I know we get requests for neural tissue. It's the hardest thing in the world to ship. The buyer says, you do it as a whole, Calvarium. I guess that's the whole head. And Stem Express says, yeah, that's it. I guess that's the whole head. And STEM Express says, yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's the easiest way.

And I mean, we've actually had good success with that in the past. Bayer says, yeah, make sure the eyes are closed. And then STEM Express, loud laughter. Tell the lab it's coming so they don't open the box and go, oh, God, laughter. So, yeah, whereas so many of the academic labs cannot fly like that, they're just not capable. Buyer says, why is that? I don't understand that.

STEM Express says it's almost like they don't want to know where it comes from. I can see that where they're like, in quotes, we need limbs, but no hands and feet need to be attached. We want to take it all off, like in quotes, make it so that we don't know what it is. Okay. This is, I don't know what is debunked and what's not debunked about that

because it seems like in the conversation, I mean, look, when they're digging through that bag of baby parts, which was the most disturbing part of it, look, if people are going to get abortions, I personally do not have a problem with them taking the aborted fetal tissue and using it for scientific experiments because the aborted fetal tissue already exists. They're already having abortions. And if abortions are legal, shouldn't there be something done with that aborted fetal tissue that may be beneficial to humanity? Shouldn't there be a way that they can

experiment? I mean, it's not like they're asking people to get abortions that would normally have kept the baby and loved them and brought them to adulthood. They're going to have the abortions. So if they are going to have the abortionsions is it such a bad thing to use that fetal tissue for scientific experimentation that's not the the disturbing part about it disturbing part about is the visual aspect of seeing the body part you shouldn't you shouldn't see that is pretty much yeah but you know what what this article on the huffington post is saying is that what they did is they took shocking video of, you know, abortions, which is going to be disgusting anyways. And they're saying that, you know, Planned Parenthood's making all this money off of selling all the parts to, you know.

But in what Planned Parenthood is saying is, no, we just donate it to the to to science and people that want to use it for medical research. So that's not what was going on in the video. In the video, the woman was talking about the amount of money that they would get doing it, and it was thousands of dollars a week. And that's why they're saying that's a hoax. And they're saying that the visuals, what you're watching, wasn't what the audio was. Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense because you see the woman say it. The group behind the videos is facing at least two lawsuits because it's fake. Is it in huff post huff post here let's see here cnn cnn and

what is cnn saying they're saying it's a hoax too yeah there's a company created to go against the left-wing iowa c group called acorn and uh throughout this article it also says acorn is the same company that they were accused of. They were trying, people were trying to get funds for creating prostitutes or for pimping. Remember? Remember that whole thing where there was a bunch of people that were trying to get funds? The first part here, it says there's a fake company set up called Biomax Procurement Services. Right.

And that was the hoax. And then according to the hoaxer's website, it was a 30-month-long investigative journalism study by the Center of Medical Progress documenting how Planned Parenthood sells body parts for aborted babies. Right. That's not true. That's not true. That's not true. So they don't sell them. Yeah, it's flat out untrue.

Okay. So what was the woman in the thing where she was talking about body parts? It's a shock video. They were baiting them into conversations. About other things? About selling stuff. It says that they really don't do that. They were just trying to get them to say it. But they did get them to say it. So what is the deal? She was talking

about the bottom line, about how much money they could make and how much money she could add to the... So was she like a rogue lady for Planned Parenthood That's what they're saying and they're also saying that like you know I mean this bill that was passing was going to cut off all funding the Planned Parenthood So this was like a full-on attack trying to get rid of Planned Parenthood by anti-abortionist Jamie scroll back down wait back where you were again

The details of the process is enough to trouble anyone non-medical people don't talk about the price of requesting, removing or shipping organs, pieces of flesh for the, from place to place. Most of us would freak out if we listened to professionals in the local hospital, funeral home or medical examiner's office discuss details about how a dying person's request to have their body parts donated for transplants or scientific research actually gets carried out. It turns out the cadavers' livers, okay, they don't walk themselves over to the local hospital or medical school for free.

I just don't understand. The outrage was that, for a lot of folks, was that they were selling these baby parts, right? So that is or isn't true? That's not true. So why was that woman saying in the video? Because it's a big hoax video. That's why she has to pay two lawsuits.

Yeah, but you keep saying that, but without further explaining. How is it, because the woman was actually saying those things. So what part is a hoax? Because you also said that that woman was kind of rogue. Because she was saying, she was talking about how much money they could make from it. I'm really confused. Like, what is the hoax? I understand that the people that were making the video

weren't really what they were saying they were, right? These people, they set this up and they got inside Planned Parenthood. The way they were going through the body parts, the way they were picking up the body parts, that was all real. I mean, it was 100% real. There's no way it wasn't unless they were rubber baby parts and they had actors.

Is there a chance the audio you were hearing wasn't what didn't match up the video? You could see the people's faces. You could see them saying it. I mean, unless it was just fucking brilliantly done by terrorists. This says that if you plow through the transcripts, you won't see what they... I mean, this also could be talking about a separate video from what you just saw maybe but uh these fucking things are so so confusing so there's a newly newly released video that just came out that's uh literally two hours ago online, and this is the STEM Express CEO. I don't know, man. It's fucking, it's just, it's really one of those things, abortion, it becomes one of those

left or right issues where you're either a left-wing person, you support abortion, or you're a right-wing person, you think it horrific i uh i support people's right to do whatever they want to do i totally support people's right to have abortions but at a certain point in time like when is an abortion completely fucked up like when you have a nine-month-old baby inside you and decide to kill it before it comes out of your vagina that's why it's illegal yeah but at a certain point in time that baby's still viable outside the womb but you could still have an abortion yeah what is it i mean they changed it so many times i think it is it like six weeks or no it's something it's something it's not too crazy it's not six weeks it's like two or three months or something like that i think it's the

most they were talking about 22 week old they were talking you know they were talking about like when you can like really pick out organs and when you could see them you know that's that's fucking four eight twelve i mean think about when you start going into that's six months old that's like whoa that's uh that's a fucking baby i i would really like to know what the statistics is of what you know if you're going to get an abortion how long until you wait because i it seems like most people i know once they find out they're pregnant they're like next day i'm getting an abortion you know that's because they have it with you right but i wonder how many people are like you know like three months in like you know

what i think i don't want this baby that's when it gets kind of creepy in my opinion. Yeah. Well, we all know people that are completely irresponsible and if you give them a way to justify anything and so they don't have to take responsibility for it and just take, take it out of me. You know, they don't want to think they don't see it in front of them. They don't think of it as a baby. The question really becomes, should you be allowed to do that? And it's not my call. I don't know whose call it is. I don't know. I mean, some people think it's their call.

Some people think that they should be blowing up abortion clinics and shooting doctors. And, you know, they decided they're there to protect the children. And that gets pretty fucked up, too. And also gets pretty hypocritical because those are the same kind of people that are supportive of war. You know, once your kid reaches 18 or if that kid's from another country, fuck them. You know, it's just weird. But it was, it was real weird looking at the unescapable reality of that video. So whatever, whatever's fake or real in the conversations that they're having, there's no denying at all those body parts, and that's where it gets really crazy.

We all knew that existed. When you get an abortion, what it usually is like a car wash vacuum. It's a big tube, and it goes into a humongous little pot or a tank or whatever. So you know if you're going to look in that tank at what you're going to see. You're just not supposed to see it. Well, yeah, that's kind of part of the problem, right? You're not supposed to see it.

Yeah. I mean, if you look at anything like that, you're going to be like, that's fucked up. Yeah, but that is the fucked up one, right? Because babies are helpless and once they're alive, we want to take care of them. And here you got these people with tweezers picking up arms with little fingers attached to it. It's like, whoa.

Whatever is in that video that's fake, you know, that's not. That's terrifying. I don't know. You know, I don't know what's, I'll Google debunked. And I'm sure there's a lot that tells you. But it's just left-wing sites are saying it's debunked. Right-wing sites are continuing to promote it. It gets really weird.

Whew. What a bummer. What a bad way to start off the podcast. I know. Yeah, that's what I thought. That's how I started on my morning. That and Cecil the Lion's cousin who killed a fucking safari guide. In the same place where Cecil the Lion got killed, this fucking guy was leading walking photographic safari tours so the safari guide for the walking photographic safari tour got taken out by a lion the lion was like what are you doing

outside the jeep you dumb fuck and just just jacked him it's hilarious that people are that stupid that they think they can walk around where lions are walking around in this enormous, enormous park in Zimbabwe where lions are protected. Have you ever been to one of those like safari tours where like the animals come right up and like the lions and the monkeys just jump on your car or anything like that? I've been to one of those wild animal parks in New Jersey to do that. It was it was real weird. It just it just feels goofy. Like you're in your car and there's monkeys jumping on your car. And they'll break your windshield wipers.

They do all kinds of fucked up shit to your car. I don't even know if that place is still open anymore. But it's odd. They would let you drive around in your car. And you'd be on this tour. And I mean, it's better, I guess, than the zoo. But it's got to be fucked up for the monkeys. Because it's like the same thing as looking at people through glass, except you're looking at people through glass that moves on rubber wheels.

And you're just looking at these people that are free, and you're stuck in this enclosure, and they're driving into your house. You know, they're on a road, but it was weird. It's like, there's something fucked up about zoos. Just something really fucked up about zoos. All of them. You know, less fucked up for some animals, like my joke about giraffes, that giraffes seem to be pretty happy at the zoo.

Like, babies can feed them. You know, it's like, it's true, man. My three-year-old, when she was three, we brought her to the zoo, and she was feeding giraffes with her hand. And there was no worry at all. Everybody's laughing and having a good time. No giraffe has ever fucked up a kid at the zoo for feeding it.

It'd be really interesting to see if animals could talk and be like, no, dude, you don't understand. I get to hang out here. People feed me. I don't have to do shit here. The Cecil the Lion Killer costume uh it coming out or it has come out uh which is interesting that they would actually do that it's actually a decapitated lion with a dentist uh outfit with blood all over the dentist outfit and the guy that owns the company said that they've had so many requests for it so that i guess that's a thing this this halloween halloween i'm not shocked

the lion costume of course that had to come out yeah you knew that was coming out i mean who who didn't see that coming there it is cecil the lion splattered all over the guy's still in hiding huh nobody's seen that dude i think i heard just the other day he just opened up his business again no have you looked at page it's not good I heard I heard he was going to reopen up his business in September that's kind of fucked up but Yelp because they're not even reviewing his business they didn't go and yet their teeth cleaned well I hope I haven't looked lately but I hope Yelp stepped in because I mean yeah it got where was just dead lions. And his, like, photos for his dentist office was just dead lions and a bunch of crazy.

They can put photos? Oh, like photos of food. Yeah. Stuff like that. This is my lion after I brought it to the dentist. Wow. So TMZ did a poll with almost 16,000 votes if that was funny or offensive about the Cecil the Lion costume. And 66% said that's offensive

You know why because there's 66% of people so fucking stupid they post on CM TMZ Those people are apes Those are people too dumb for YouTube like YouTube's like you're too stupid for our comments. You gotta go over to You gotta go post over there What do you think? Finally, somebody wants my opinion. I think it's a fountain. But she's a lion with my run.

She's a beautiful animal. Jimmy Kimmel cried. Jimmy Kimmel cried. I'm gonna cry too. Jimmy Kimmel gave me the green light to cry. It's pretty sad. Well, it's fucked up. It's fucked up that the only way to save lions is to make them valuable for hunters that's the ultimately that's the most fucked up thing about

it you know that these people the idea that there's like there's two types of of hunting for conservation that kind of makes sense to me and And the, like when you have to kill certain animals because they're killing other animals, like if you have too many lions and you have to control the population, but that's not really the case. Like that kind of hunting for conservation makes sense to me. Or if there's like a lot of people don't realize that that Rhino, that that guy paid a shitload of money to shoot, they were going to kill that rhino anyway. They had to kill that rhino because that rhino was killing other rhinos. And when they do that, they have to, this is like a non-viable male. It's not breeding anymore.

And so it was attacking other males and killing them. And it even attacked a female and killed it, they think. So that's an animal they have to kill. So if you get a guy who's willing to pay you a shitload of money to kill that rhino that you were already going to kill, and then that money goes to conservation, that makes sense. So those are the two cases where hunting for conservation makes sense to me. Other than that, hunting for food is the only thing that makes sense to me. I don't get the idea of hunting an animal just because you want to add add it to your collection I think that's kind of fucked up unless it's the only thing the

only time it makes sense is that it has to be killed they don't have to kill those lines there's not enough lions that they have to kill them it's not like there's an overwhelming number of lions like they have to take them out because they're eating each other like bears in Alberta like they got a real problem with bears in Alberta they have too many of them So that's why they let you kill two of them. They're like, please come up here and kill some fucking bears. And they have a real problem with wolves up there. In BC, they don't even have a limit.

You can kill as many wolves as you want in BC. They want you to kill them because they're fucking everywhere. They kill people's cows. And those are the times where hunting for conservation makes sense to me But this lion thing these these are rich dudes that want to go over there and they want to fill their trophy rooms up And that's that's a real natural reaction that people have that that's gross So just like just so everyone knows I'm not on the side of Killing lions or anything giraffes anything unless it's for food

lions or anything, giraffes, anything, unless it's for food. Do you see the thing about lines is like they kill that Rhino. Everybody ate that Rhino. The villagers came and they, they fucking,

they fed hundreds of people with that Rhino. Rhinos apparently tastes good. Like rhinos apparently are like, like beef almost. And that all these people were excited to cut off pieces of that Rhino and have protein. Nobody's lying enough to eat a lion. You know? Apparently, though, mountain lion tastes good.

Mountain lion supposedly tastes just like pork. And it's apparently something that people have been eating since the pioneers came to America. I never had it. It's supposedly good with, like, a blueberry sauce. They make, like, loin, like mountain lion loin. I would had it. It's supposed to be good with like a blueberry sauce They make like loin like mountain lion loin. I would try it I would definitely shoot a fucking mountain lion those cunts ate my dog and I don't like them. I don't trust them They're just running around in our woods, and there's no shortage of them either especially in California California is so goofy

They don't have a mountain lion season in California because we don't have a department of fishing game in California. We have a department of fishing wildlife. It has a totally different like nomenclature attached to it. And because of that, like it's run by like wildlife lovers more than it's run by like hunting advisors. So like in every other state, they look at the game numbers, they look at the game numbers, they look at the mountain lines, they look at like, and they try to manage it accordingly. And they also try to manage it because you get a lot of money from hunting tags. In California, they're less concerned with that. And because of that, they lose out on a lot of money on hunting tags because they'll have less

hunters because they literally have less deer. And the reason why they have less deer is because they have more mountain lions. It's real controversial thing with with hunting in california as opposed to with every other state it's interesting it's all interesting stuff it's like what what people decide and not decide that you can eat because there's all or what you can kill because in these places where they have these hunting laws, you just drive down the street like California. Drive down any street and you're just going to pass by Jack in the Box and Burger King and chicken places. And they're filled. Filled.

Yeah. California finally has wolves. Yay. Great wolves. Pack of wolves. Fantastic. Wait. This is going to be a fucking disaster.

Did we put them there or did they just kind of. Well, we put them in Idaho. We put them in a lot of other states and they're making their way down to California now. And what's the purpose of having wolves to kill what? Because people are assholes. They forget. They forget.

There was a story that I tweeted the other day about famous strongmen throughout history, famous athletes throughout history. And one of them was a guy who tried to split these two trees and he got stuck in between the two trees and he got eaten by wolves. Oh my God. This is like in the, you know, the BC days. But I mean, we've talked about this numerous times on the podcast, how many people throughout

history have been eaten by wolves. That was a huge issue until people started killing the fuck out of wolves. And that's why we look at wolves now like they're our dogs. We look at them like they're pets. They were never pets before. They were always these terrifying animals that killed human beings that's why they were always a part of folklore that's why they were always a part of stories like the Little Red Riding Hood story or Goldilocks I mean there's always the three pigs there was always stories of the big bad wolf because wolves were something that everybody was really scared of the wolves in Paris story from the 1400s wolves killed I think it was something like 40 people in paris france in the 1400s before they they fucking rallied together and killed these goddamn things and during world war one the russians and the germans literally stopped shooting each other they had a ceasefire so they could kill wolves because there were so many people getting killed by wolves these soldiers would be on patrol and they would never find them.

They're like, what the fuck? And they'd go and they'd find like a foot that was still stuck in a boot. Yeah, and their bodies would be eaten. Wolves were just, they were getting these super packs of wolves, of a hundred wolves together. And they would just kill people. That's always been the case. Just we eradicated them from our lives. And we'd no longer have a threat of the wolves

but now they they implanted them they took them from canada where they have a real problem with them where i just like i said in bc you can kill as many wolves as you want you can go to bc right now and you can kill 50 wolves today if you could find 50 wolves you can kill them all and they want you to because they're hard to kill they're hard to find they're smart as shit they they work together in packs and they decimate moose populations uh they decimate elk deer cows whatever the fuck they get a hold they'll eat your dog they'll eat everything they get a hold of and that's what they do they run around they eat things so some i'm sure goofy liberal conservationists decided to take these wolves and bring them from northern Canada, and these big-ass fucking gray wolves, and bring them down to America. Here's a picture that Jamie just pulled up.

Wolf attack. Scroll down so I can read that again. Sorry. Wolf attack leads to state of emergency in Siberia's and Russia's Siberia region. It was two years ago. There was 400 wolves in a super pack running around. Jesus. Fucking up people.

The governor of Russia's largest region has declared a state of emergency after a surge of wolf attacks. Fuck wolves, man. People are just so goofy. We have this beautiful thing that we've created. We've created an amazing thing in cities. You know, you go to the grocery store, you get your food, you walk down the street, you hold hands with your kids. No one's looking over their shoulder for bears. And because of that, we have this real detachment from the rest of the natural world that is outside of our cities. And we live our whole lives in these cities. And our perspective

of animals is completely shaped by these cities. But these animals out there don't give a fuck about you. They don't give a fuck about your city. They exist to eat and kill things. They don't have language. They don't have culture. They don't care about you and all our ideas about them are all from the lion king and some fucking goofy ass cartoons and movies the anthropomorphize versions of these animals it's it's really ridiculous and that's where all this cecil the lion king shit comes from cecil the lion king that's where all this Cecil outrage comes from. Meanwhile, Justin Wren, who was on the podcast yesterday, told us that 5,000 children under the age of five die every day in Africa from bad water.

Every day, 5,000 human babies die because they don't have water. And we're worried about a lion that by the way killed Who knows how many other lion babies? Because that's what they do when you see a male lion and he is successful and he runs a pride Yeah, run fucking T That lion has been killing baby male lions because that's what they do. When the babies are born and it's not theirs, they just fucking slaughter them. They slaughter them. When they go into a new kingdom and they take over and they fuck some females

and she's got males, little male babies, they fucking slaughter them. They chase them down and they kill them. I put a video up of it on Twitter. People went crazy. They went nuts. Call me an asshole for putting up a video on Twitter. People went crazy. They went nuts. Call me an asshole for putting up a video of nature. It's nature. This is what happens.

So these people that are happy now, we finally have wolves in California. It's amazing. One day you'll be walking with your little cocker spaniel, and a wolf's going to come along and eat you and the cocker spaniel. It's been 100 years almost since we've had wolves in California, so I think that's what they're more amazed at. Yeah. People are so fucking stupid. Why don't

they bring back dinosaurs? We need more dinosaurs. We're gonna bring back dinosaurs to Arizona. Arizona was an amazing place when dinosaurs roamed. They used to fly. They used to fly. We're gonna have pterodactyls. Launch our first pterodactyl, governor. Yay. They're going to open up the cage. It's going to swoop right back, kill the governor.

Somebody released a funny video where they showed that photo of Steven Spielberg in front of the dinosaur. And they went to people on the street and go, what do you think about that? And almost everybody was just like, I can't believe he did that. You should be held accountable. I guess a fake triceratops. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess Nestle, uh, water just got caught from stealing a bunch of natural water. And so a lot of people are, uh, protesting Nestle for stealing, um, California water while we're in this huge drought.

Come on. Yeah, I guess. That's real? Yeah, Nestle pays only $524 to extract 27 million gallons of California drinking water. Come on. There's like four companies that get exempt from that water ban. What the fuck? And they can sell it?

Yeah, the bottled water and alcohol and all sorts of things. What kind of goofy deals have these assholes made with politicians that they could steal water during a drought and then sell it to us? That's insane. For $524 they stole 27

million gallons of water from 12 springs in Strawberry Canyon for the brand isn't that ridiculous but yeah we can't wash our car take a over a five minute shower corporate america folks corporate america you know corporations are beautiful in a lot of ways i mean that's why we have these microphones that's why we have these uh laptops that's why we have these laptops. It's why we have cell phones. It's all corporations that created them. But corporations, they're all about infinite growth. They constantly want to make more money. Every year they're supposed to make more money.

If a corporation makes, you know, X amount of money one year and then the same X amount of money the next year, they're a failure, which is hilarious. That's ridiculous. Like if they made, like if Apple, Apple makes like whatever they make. Let's just make a number. Apple made $4 billion this year, right? If they make $4 billion next year, they failed. You're supposed to make $4 billion plus the new money. It's incredible, man.

It says here, the most popular size bottle of arrowhead is one liter and it retails for 89 cents putting the potential profit for Nestle in the tens of billions so they're just making billions of dollars on water that they've taken from us while we're going through a drought it only cost 89 cents for a 1 liter bottle of water. Why do I feel like it costs more? Because of vending machines? Vending machines is always like a buck fifty, right? Oh yeah, vending machines are always super overpriced.

The whole thing is gross. It's gross. It's gross across the board. And it's also gross that like, there's a lot of crops that use this water and there's a lot of waste involved apparently and there have been bills that were passed like Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was governor said that they had come up with a solution at least a partial solution

and he was bringing it up to one of the other politicians and the politician was saying even though this is an effective solution, I could never bring it before my people. I can never endorse it because my people are the agricultural people. Those are the people that keep me in office. So I'm going to just tell you right now, well, we're just going to create a bunch of red tape and it'll never get passed. And even though it's logical and it makes sense, I'll never support it. And he was like, what the fuck? Like, this is, this is what's wrong with politics. And this is what's wrong when you're dealing with people that are not really the representation. Uh, they're not really representatives of people. They're representatives of whoever got them in office. They, they can pretend to be the representatives of the people

sort of like late night preachers pretend to be the servants of God. Really? They're just making money and they're making money and they're you know supposed to give 10% yeah well late night preachers you know they don't even want 10% they want everything you got if you hear what they tell one of the funniest things that they have conned people into doing is they figured out a way to tell people like I know you don't have any money. I know. I know times is tough. But what you have to understand is you have to have faith in the Lord. Give everything you can.

The Lord will give you that back tenfold. Like they tell you if you're broke. So they're going after people who are desperate and broke. And they had all these people that would give these speeches. They would talk about what happened to them. And they were saying, well, you know, I was broke, and I didn't have any money, and times were tough, and I was wondering how I was going to take my bills

and how I was going to pay for food. But I had this $100 that I was going to use towards my rent. But I said, you know what? I'm giving this $100 to God. And everybody starts cheering and clapping. And then from that, oh, Lord, I got a new job, and I got a new car and everything happened and and and people are clapping and cheering and music starts playing and they build it up and

they're just like making you come they're like oh they like it's like this stimulation thing that they're doing and they're actively targeting people so stupid that they really can't do anything about it. Like these people, it's like the right people to rip off because these people are broke. And the reality is most people who are severely broke, they're going to stay broke. The vast majority, whatever it is, 60, 70, 80%, pick a number. They're going to stay broke. And so that's the ones that they go after it's just it's nobody cares nobody cares about them like you can you rip certain people off people get

really frustrated and angry and you rip other people off and do you think in the future that's going that's going to be not as big of a problem do you think religion's shrinking or growing? I think religion is probably overall shrinking, but stupid people are always going to exist. And so if you call it religion or if you call it a cult or you call it, I mean, there's a, there's a lot of organizations that don't necessarily have some sort of a deity at the top of their, their structure, but they're still the same thing it's one person who is or one group of people where it's Scientology or anything else one group of people that is offering you a solution for how to live your life and they have all these guidelines that they have set up and they want you to

contribute they want your money they want your money and they want your time and they want you to donate like did you your money. They want your money and they want your time and they want you to donate. Like, did you see going clear? Have you seen that? How fucking scary was that? I think that any kind of cult like that is, or, uh, like I just saw a celebrity wife swap. I know this sounds weird, but Corey Feldman and Tommy Davidson were the two people that switched. And they really showed you an inside look of how Corey Feldman treats his Corey Angels, is what he calls them.

He's trying to do kind of like a cross between Hugh Hefner and Michael Jackson or something like that. He pretty much has brainwashed these girls to follow anything he says says and it includes like a contract that they have to sign okay well you know that Corey was a an actor his whole life right you know he's probably a bullshit artist and it's most likely that this is a hustle hustle maybe but I know a girl let me say this right I know a girl that knows a girl and uh that girl used to be one of his angels and uh she left because it was too cult-like and the things that you were you had to do once a week they would have an orgy and then they would just do drugs have an orgy have people over and then the days after that orgy, you would work out, do yoga, eat healthy.

And she said to her friend how it was just like brainwashed girls looking for their chance in Hollywood. And he would be like, oh, no, you join this and you follow my plan. And anyways, the episode goes really into that. And it's watching them talk and watching how he reacts to the wife swap part of it. It's very interesting. It almost seems to me that whatever had happened in his past,

maybe with Michael Jackson or his childhood, is really affecting him as an adult because he's very, like, he's not making any sense. He's just like... Well, he's done a ton of drugs, first of all. Right. And, you know, I know a guy who was in, like, a swap situation before

with no need to name celebrity. Right. It was the same kind of thing. This guy, like like let his wife fuck other people and then we're all together and uh he you know he came out of it and one of the things that he said to me when he came out of it like uh you know he told me the story he goes like listen man they're all fucked up anybody that's involved in that kind of situation is fucked up like they're all crazy like that's part of what it is but if you're in hollywood and you're in

like that like wannabe showbiz circle, there's plenty of fucked up people. You can find plenty of people. And if you can come up with some sort of a name for it, Corey's Angels or whatever the hell he calls it, yeah, you could do it. L. Ron Hubbard was a fucking moron. He was a moron, and his books were terrible.

They were terrible. And if you listen to him talk, he was a moron and his books were terrible. They were terrible. And if you like listen to him talk, he was not a charming guy. He was not articulate. He wasn't brilliant. He wasn't this guy that had this point. Like even like David Koresh, although he's a dipshit, he played stupid songs or the fucking idiot in Australia that claims he's Jesus. They have a certain amount of confidence and smoothness to them L Ron Hubbard didn't have any of that and meanwhile Scientology became a gigantic

organization I think for a lot of people the structure any sort of structure is comforting and they're looking for something so like you know to get back to the original point is religion going away there's gonna have to be something big that happens to human beings for religion to go away and i wonder if that big thing what would have to it would have to be people would have to be able to clearly see what you know and what you don't know it would have to be a fundamental change in how we communicate. Because like when someone tells you, I know that if you give that $100, the Lord will pay you back tenfold. If you say that to someone who's stupid, they go, God, he knows. He knows the Lord will pay me back. I got to give that money and the Lord is going to pay me back tenfold. You know, you really

believe it. But if you could see that, oh, he doesn't really know that if there was like a light bulb that went over a person's head when they were telling the truth or you could look in their eyes and you could see the numbers like there was actual you know like a turkey tester you ever you know gobble gobble gobble you ever see those uh temperature gauge yeah those things that put they don't use those anymore yeah they probably like leak fucking chemicals you're probably not supposed to have plastic inside a turkey that you're cooking. But like something along those lines, like a temperature gauge or a number or something

where you could see whether or not someone's being honest. Where they really know what they're saying or whether or not they're bullshitting. Yeah. What's interesting about this Corey Feldman thing. You're stuck on that shit. If you watch it, you'll be as... I mean, I went frantic on it. I'm not gonna watch it. Can we watch

a little clip of him introducing you to his angels? We're gonna get kicked off of YouTube for your fucking Corey Feldman obsession. Would we? Probably. Probably? Yeah. Well, we can watch it over there, right? Can we watch it over there and not really watch it? We can watch it, but we can't... Can we play volume?

Maybe. Maybe. All right, we'll see what happens. Jamie's got good editing skills. All right, play that bitch over here and freak me out. Go ahead. These are the girls? This is not it.

It's down here. I was like, that girl's hot. How's he getting that? But it's the one right here. Meet Corey Feldman and his angels the former child actor scroll down lives an eccentric and avant-garde lifestyle with his angels what yeah avant-garde what does avant-garde mean oh look at him i'm cory feldman you probably know me from lost boys goonies stand by me i'm the prime of my youth, and I'll only be young once. I started acting and singing simultaneously.

I've been a singer and musician for several decades now. I am a bit eccentric, a bit avant-garde, but if I was just like everybody else, I wouldn't be on your TV sets. Ooh. I have helped a lot of women with their careers in Hollywood. And then I would realize they went off to be successful, and what did I get out of it?

Not much. That's why I developed my company, Corey's Angels. Corey's Angels is a management, production, and development business comprised of beautiful, talented women. Girls sign a contract with us so that when they do succeed, I can get rewards as well for the work that I've put into them.

What? When the girls become angels, they move into my house. I see why you're obsessed now. You fucking dragged me in. I'm a professional actress, model, and I'm one of Cory's angels. I am Caitlin, and I am an aspiring actress,

professional model, and Cory's angel in training. I'm Courtney, I'm a DJ, and I'm Cory's mangel. Hello. Hello. Also, I'm his girlfriend. Cory has changed my life in so many ways. He uses his own connections to help me be successful. Aw, I love you.

He's sexy and gorgeous, and I love him. Okay. Thanks. Is this a polyamorous relationship? As far as what happens behind closed doors, it stays behind closed doors. Exactly. We have a very kind of strict regimen.

Rule number one, we will put them on the angel diet. That means no meat of any kind. I'm a fruitarian, which means that I only eat fruit. Number two, exercise. I like watching you guys hop. Number three, we don't allow men on the property unless they're invited guests that's how you do it this lifestyle is not for the close-minded or faint of heart I strive every day to do God's will so he makes these girls wear

these slutty outfits they're not they have to wear like these bra and lingerie they're not allowed to wear clothes hold up this is on abc yeah he's on abc's going desperado huh well i tell you desperate as fuck network tv is desperate yeah and uh what was really sad is that tommy davidson was the guy that they swapped with and his he has like a nice family kids and so they brought the angel over uh to his house and the angels like getting like bachelor parties and naked people in his house but in front of its kids and okay okay you know that they arranged that the producers arranged that he seemed pretty pissed off he just left the house like what the fuck course

of course oh yeah I'm sure there's a face to it this is all 100% fake 100% arranged this is all planned out. Corey has his fucking one piece of hair waxed that hangs strategically in front of his face. Yeah. I mean, this is a scam. What this is is Corey's shot at getting back on TV. And what he's doing is getting those girls with him and it's working.

It's getting them exposure. They're getting on TV. So his plan is to be this guy who's the ringleader. I'm Corey. These are Corey's angels. This is the hustle we're going to get on ABC. And he's getting it for them. But whether or not this is all real... He's been doing the angel thing for a long time.

Of course, because this is his hustle. This is how he's getting some... It's like a pyramid scam. Sort of. I mean, this is his entertainment shtick. this is how he's getting some form of attention he when these girls leave the Angels he has contracts that he gets a percentage of everything they make from that on good good luck you're gonna get 50 bucks from the chick who works at Katana now make I

mean if they do get big, they'll have him killed. You know, if one of those girls gets huge, she becomes the next Rihanna or whoever the fuck she is, she'll have that guy killed. Please watch it, though. It's on Hulu. Just smoke a joint, watch this. Cut the brakes of his VW Bug and push him off a fucking cliff. He's an asshole. Do you have that video of him at the baseball game?

He took his band. You're obsessed this is this is crazy he took he took his band and he opened up or he played at a minor league baseball uh game and uh he just watch it it's pretty ridiculous you are fucking obsessed so chip here's this band. By the way, none of these instruments, somebody told me none of these instruments are actually, they're not actually playing these instruments. Of course they're not. What, do you think they should be real about that?

Well, they're authentic with their art. Oh, he's still doing the Michael Jackson thing. That's why he has his hair like that. State college spikes? What does that mean? It's a baseball team. It's like a the Michael Jackson thing. That's why he has his hair like that. State college spikes? What does that mean? It's a baseball team. It's like a minor league baseball team. People don't know what to do.

Look at them. There's only like 20 people in the audience, and they're looking at this like it's a... Look at that one white guy bouncing around. He even stopped. He bounced for a little, and people are like, What are you doing? Oh, yeah, you're right. What am I doing? Look at that one white guy bouncing around. He even stopped. He bounced for a little, and people are like, what are you doing? Oh, yeah, you're right. What am I doing?

Look at this guy with his camera. I'm going to show my kid. The guy on stage, bottom right, just laughing his ass off at how ridiculous this shit is. Look at him with his fucking shiny pants. That guy is so bizarre. And look at the girls. That guy is so bizarre. And look at the girls.

But listen, man, if you're that guy, and you have to be the guy that lets these girls fuck other guys, because otherwise they're going to get bored with you. You weigh 15 pounds, and you're a fucking freak. He doesn't let guys into his... Of course he does, dude. They might not go into his house, but they have orgies. They don't just have orgies with him. Okay, other dudes are giving those girls dick.

Guaranteed. Macaulay Culkin. He threw the hat down. Jesus. That guy's like, what the fuck? The girl's like, get the hat. Get the hat. Get Corey's hat.

Someone's going to toss it back to me in a second. Oh, my God. What is this song? It's this He's trying to be Michael Jackson Well he's like a combination of Michael Jackson And Charlie Sheen Charlie Sheen Eddie Vedder

Eddie Vedder He's really weirdly pale too Oh here he is He's breaking it down for you Oh my god he's dancing He's breaking it down for you. He's breaking it down. He can't make eye contact with people because they're all like looking

at him like he's a freak. So like he's doing all this crazy dancing and they're not reacting. It's very strange. And he doesn't look at them. He's sort of like looking like at like their knee area. You know what I mean? He did the Michael Jackson thing with the dancing

He threw his hat again! I would steal that fucking hat. I would steal that fucking hat It's on the ground. Why isn't anybody going for it? These people are pussies. Someone go. You had your chance. Look at the- Oh, he's got tangled up in some cord and the angel had to rescue him. He's tangled. He's fucking tangled. Look how little the stage is. There's cords everywhere. Is there like a hot air balloon holding those cords up? Why is there cords that go straight up into the sky?

Why wouldn't he just stay in one place? He was complaining that he got set up on this whole event. Set up? Yeah, that someone fucked him. That's why he... Why was that so bad? How could someone set him up? He's dancing.

Because there's no one there? It was after a baseball game. It was unprofessional. Oh. Yada, yada, yada. Oh my God, he's an idiot. He lost his Special Olympics gig because of this video.

What? He was supposed to play a Special Olympics gig and he lost it after this video. No, no, no. And he's upset about it. The Special Olympics? Yeah.

Can you imagine if he got booed by retarded people? What is this shit? I shouldn't say retarded, because they have Down syndrome. Trans-tarded? There's something wrong with them. Retarded is not a real word. That's why I resent the fact that you're not supposed to use retarded for people that are idiots. And then I went and used it for people that have

legitimate issues. He might be retarded. There's something wrong. There's something definitely wrong. But it's also like, there's that thing that happens when you become like a Gary Coleman or like someone who's a personal you're a punchline.

And you're kind of on the outside like that, but they get real freaky. They get like they get desperado, and it all becomes one attempt after the next to try to get attention. You know, you see it a lot from reality stars that like their 15 minutes ends, and then they start scrambling to try to like do new stunts and new different things. Do you remember that kid

was on the real world his name was puck puck yeah is he dead no i saw him on a sunset like uh maybe a year ago i saw him on okay how does a guy like that feed himself uh how does that work he looked like he wasn't but what does a guy like that do for a gig for a while i bet he made money. I mean, he was around 20 years ago, though, but he probably made money on appearances for like 10 years just being Puck. We still know his name. I guess.

I pulled it out of the back of my ass. But the reason why I know it is because he was that guy that was like always doing exaggerated things and always being ridiculous to try to get attention. But there's a lot of those fucking people, man. I mean, that's like what the reality show world sort of creates and produces. It looks like Puck was in prison. He's now an ex-con. He's now living as a makeup artist who sounds like he hates women.

That's what TMZ says. He was with OJ in prison for two years. He was? Yeah. With O for two years. He was? Yeah. With OJ? Wow. He was in for stalking. Oh my God.

Jesus Christ. He was in fucking jail for stalking? Yeah. Wow. Hmm. Hmm. Okay. Poor bastard.

But you know what I mean? That's my point is that these people that become like a punchline, they get to that. And also, the other thing is being a guy like Corey Feldman, I don't know him. I'm sure he's a fine fella. Never met him? Never met him. I'm sure he's a fine fella. I don't know.

It doesn't seem like a mean person. He's not a hateful person. This is where I think it's fucked. That guy became famous when he was a little kid. And I think when you become famous and you're a little kid, your odds of developing as an adult, like a guy that we can hang out with and talk to just a normal balanced person. They're almost fucking none. Like I've only met a couple of people that I know were famous when they were young that I could hang out with and talk to like Ricky Schroeder he's one of them Ricky's pretty

goddamn normal for someone who has grown up like in the public eye but he has been kind of out of the public eye for a long time and he's got a family he's very close to his family he's got a lot of interests he makes documentaries he hunts he like Ricky's a different sort of cat family he's got a lot of interests he makes documentaries he hunts he like ricky's a different sort of cat so he's like one of the few that like was famous when he was young that i could hang out with no problem i wouldn't when you want to asterisk that maybe with like famous when young and still trying to be famous the whole time because some people want to get out and they they make it or they get out for a long time and they can come back. That's a good point. That's a very good point. Like Jodie Foster was famous when she was young.

She was in Taxi Driver and she's famous now and she seems pretty fucking fun. Seems fun. What do you got there, Brian? More Corey Feldman? You're fucking obsessed. We got some more news on Corey Feldman. Two years ago, Corey Feldman told cops he was molested and named his abusers, but they did nothing because they were too focused on the Michael Jackson investigation, which seems suspect right there.

What does that mean? Meaning they were abused by someone other than Michael Jackson? Yeah, which he said that he writes the relationship with Jackson was the healthiest in his life and that he never abused him, which, you know, whatever. But he said he was molested and he told the cops who molested him and they did nothing well why would he say that and not just say who molested exactly and then he spiraled into drug abuse having regular coke-off challenges with friends and doing heroin you've been in a coke-off a coke-off no do you think you could win no how was your tolerance like I'm not into like I I know people that can just sit there and do coke all day long and just whatever.

I'll have, like, one line and be like, okay, I'm good. Gotta calm down now. Gotta calm, you know. Well, that's because you drink so much coffee. Yeah, exactly. You go there already elevated. Trenta right now. A Trenta has got to be unhealthy for you.

Two shots in there, too. An extra two shots? Yeah, you know what's worse is getting a Trenta of cold brew, which 10 times more powerful than uh regular coffee well it's not 10 times but it is more powerful that starbucks says it's 10 times do they yeah we should look at that what is the new cold brew dude that could kill you if it's really 10 times more powerful than regular coffee that literally be like that have you ever seen that caffeine powder that they sell? Yeah. Kids have taken like tablespoons of caffeine powder and died.

Like it has absolutely killed people. And I would think that if cold brew was really 10 times stronger than a regular coffee, because we have those nitro cold brews. I had cold brew today. This caveman coffee. This shit right here, this stuff is goddamn delicious. Cold brew concentrate you take this you put a third of this in a in a glass and then the two-thirds water is delicious

and it's it's awesome it's strong as shit but it's not 10 times stronger um so a 16 ounce star book bucks cold brew coffee 16 ounce which is, which is, I guess, they're small. Right. It's 200 milligrams. I don't think that's the small. I think that's the grande. 16? 200 milligrams, I think that's standard.

Standard. Cold brew, that's 16 ounces. I think 200 is around what it normally is. What's cold Starbucks? What makes you say it's 10 times stronger? Because that's what they told me at Starbucks. Oh, that's just some asshole behind the counter. Starbucks iced coffee.

I was trying to sell you a script. Dude, it's ten times stronger. It was brewed on an island where they make dinosaurs. Read my script. Uh, a 16-ounce iced coffee has... Let's see, where is that at? It's not ten times. I mean, if it's slightly more powerful,

I'd be surprised. But, you know, Starbucks is pretty strong anyway. Starbucks is way stronger than most coffee. They put more coffee in the... more grinds in the thing when they brew it up. But the shit that we serve here is pretty strong. Jamie makes it pretty goddamn thick.

So iced coffee is, did you see Floyd Mayweather's new car? He has a new car? Oh, yeah. What does he got? I don't even know. Koenig? Koenigsegg? Oh, Koenigsegg, yeah.

CCXR? Yeah, I've seen those things before. 6.7 million, it says? What? Yeah. Come on. Those things don't cost $6.7 million. Most things I've seen those things before. 6.7 million, it says? What? Yeah. Come on. Those things don't cost $6.7 million. Most things I've seen was 4.7.

This article right here says 6.7. One of two. Damn. Yeah. He drove it down to Fatburger on the Strip two nights ago. Yeah. And such a crowd came that he had to get a flatbed to take it home because he didn't want to drive it.

Why? The article said he was too scared to drive it home through the crowd. Through the crowd? Because he didn't want to drive it. Why? The article said he was too scared to drive it home through the crowd. Through the crowd? Because he didn't want to fuck it up. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, it's not 10 times. It's 40 milligrams more. But... That's some guy.

10 times more, Red Band. Put me on dysentery. I'll pretend that I'm a girl. Come on, Red Band. It's 10 times more. I hate when people do that. I was posting all day on TMZ, and then I came over here to work at Starbucks, and I wanted you to have me on your show.

Have me on your show, man. Come on, Red Band. Have me on your show. No, what's stupid is that you believe that I work at Starbucks. Well, ten times seems pretty high, and I thought, that doesn't seem right. I saw this today. Did you see this today?

A kid fell and accidentally punched through a $1.5 million painting. Play that. Play that, because it's hilarious. First of all, how fucking stupid are they where you could just have this thing right in front of people? Like, watch this. Kid slips. Oh, fuck. This kid slips, holding his drink, and punched through a $1.5 million fucking painting.

And then this lady comes over. Oh, you, what? Get out of here. How is that just hanging up right there? Why don't they have it encased in glass? By the way, I went to the L.A. County Museum of Art the other day. Thank you. It's one of the worst pieces of shit you'll ever go to.

Oh my God. It is like a fucking scene in a movie where you mock pretentious modern art. Dude, I'm going to show you some pictures, and these are real fucking pictures. Did you see the painting that was just a white painting that had nothing on it, or the room where there's nothing in it except a chair? Yes, I did. Even better, I saw the box. Did you see the box?

Which they're trying to say is a work of art. It is a fucking plexiglass box. This is it. It's roped off. Can you see it? Can you focus in on that? Just so people can see how fucking stupid this is it it's roped off can you see that can you focus in on that just because people so people can see how fucking stupid this is and there's some sort of pretentious explanation for why this box is significant all it is is a fucking plexiglass box yeah like if you had it in your house it might make a cool coffee table i guess like oh that's a cool coffee

table where'd you get it it's a priceless piece of art from the LACMA, from L.A. County Museum of Art. That place is dog shit. It is one of the worst fucking museums I've ever been to in my life. I agree. I've gone on rants about this in the past, because I love art museums. Columbus Art Museum in Columbus,

Ohio is a great museum. Even the Huntington Library, which is here in Pasadena, I believe, is one of the best art museums I've ever been to. This one, though, I mean, literally was a joke. I was so pissed off after going to it of how many rooms. You just walk into a room and there would just be like a shoe. And you're just like, wait, that's it? Well, I went with my kids because I thought it would be fun to take the kids to the art museum.

My kids love art. They could see some cool paintings and shit. And I knew we were fucked when we first got there because we walked into this room and it looks like there's these curvy walls like and I felt like well you go inside the curvy walls there's probably some cool paintings. No. The curvy walls

were the fucking art. And I went no we're fucked. It's one of these places and there was all these like super pretentious people that were like uh please don't touch that please don't touch that there everywhere you go they're like don't touch don't touch don't touch one guy i had my five year old on my shoulders she likes climbing on top of me she climbs on me all the time so she's sitting on my shoulder and he's like sir can Can you please take your daughter off your shoulder? It's a safety risk I'm like it's a safety risk for who for her. I'm like I'm not gonna drop. Are you out of your fucking mind?

It's a safety risk I Highly recommend taking them to the Huntington library. It's a cool place where they have gardens They have like I don't know how many gardens like ten different gardens gardens. I've been, yeah, it's cool. Each garden is like a different, like, oh, I'm in Japan now. But they also have one of the best art collections ever, including like the Blue Boy and a bunch of really famous paintings where you're like, oh, that's interesting. That's the, you know, the official, the original Abraham Lincoln painting or whatever it is. The LACMA is, it also, what is that, a rock that they have there? Yeah, that's one of their things.

I want to fuck. It's just a big rock. Fucking hit somebody. God damn it. They had, not only that, I paid and I didn't have to pay because I'm a resident of L.A. County. You get in for free. But I said, you know what, I want to contribute. I want to contribute, so I paid.

And then they had fucking jazz, which is my other least favorite thing. They had that and jazz together. It's like super pretentious meets uber pretentious. And they collide in a fucking shitstorm of hipsters. Oh, my God. It was so gross. Then on top of it, like, they have all these art books for sale. And we're like, well, maybe they have some cool art books.

And this fucking shithead with his rolled cuff jeans, like, please be careful, that's a delicate book. I go, no, it's not a delicate book, it's a book! It's just a book, you fuck! It's all it is, is a book! It's made out of paper, like regular paper, like a regular book. You fucking clown. That was one of the biggest disappointments of my life, because I was looking forward to it so much.

I wasn't being rough with the book, I wasn't even touching the book. My seven-year-old was. But she was just gently leafing through the pages of the book. She wasn't doing anything rough. Assholes! And county-funded assholes. That's the gross thing. Is that tax dollars go to support this.

They have one exhibit that's all junk. It's called Junk. That's like part of the name of the exhibit. And you go there, it's like bottle caps that are glued to like a cork board. Like you fucks. You motherfuckers. You put this on a frame and hung it on the wall and you actually are charging people to see this? Dog shit.

I mean, just total dog shit. And what a waste of valuable space in Los Angeles. I mean, there's rooms like ten times bigger than my house where it's just a light bulb. They should just let homeless people move in. They really should. That should be the new museum. The homeless people shit collection.

Just let them shit all over the ground and you spray plastic on it to seal it and keep it in place forever. Like the homeless people turd pile. That would be like more interesting than anything they had there. If you like let homeless people shit, you can come in and shit, but you have to shit in this one spot and you go under the ropes. There it is.

That's it. That's the fucking, that's that fucking thing, man. God damn it. That makes me angry. This wall, this curvy wall, which is kind of cool. You know, if it was like in your house, I'd be like, ooh, you have cool walls. But to say that that's a piece of sculpture the fuck it is fuck you how about that other one in the upper right hand corner like the sticks see the sticks they have like they have

like a half of a fucking side of a of a barn oh look at us we're crazy we're crazy look at the one below it that's like a half of a house. Oh, look. It's like, this is what a house would look like if it was here. You fucking assholes. Yeah. I'm so angry. I was angry, though. You know why I was angry?

Because I was going to take my, I was trying to figure out which way to go. Should we go to the Museum of Art? Or should we go to the Museum of Natural History? Should we see dinosaurs and cool shit from the past or should we see art and we went with art huge mistake mistake don't go again massive area and not only that this area is near one of the most important natural areas in Los Angeles which is La Brea Tar Pits mm-hmm see if you find the junk collection. Because if you want to fucking scoop your eyes out with spoons, this fucking junk collection. Oh, God.

God damn it, it makes me angry. It was so gross. So gross and stupid. But like, this is, see that one over there? Scroll down. The one with the feathers and the black right to the right of your cursor This is the tar and feather. This is the tar and feather piece this represents tar and feathers No, it doesn't it's just feathers that you glued to a board and you're making people look at it

You don't think you don't think people know what the fuck tar and feathers was like what are you trying to say? What are you trying to say with your shitty piece of art? It's just like a kid's science fair You know what I mean like when they're gonna have to do like a construction board thing like Yoko Ono is somehow responsible for this museum Well Yoko Ono had an exhibit that I want to see once in Boston and one of the exhibits was a block of wood with nails in it and next to that was a a box of nails and a hammer and they asked yoko ono and they said like what is this about and she said i want people to contribute they be enthusiastic about the art so they contribute so she encouraged people to pick

up a nail that's it and hammer the fucking nail into that block of wood and i'm like if you want people to be enthusiastic take the nails and put them in your forehead just put them right in your forehead and let people whack those you'll have a line around the block people sign up months in advance look at her art. What does that say? Incredible what? Yoko Ono's incredible what? Video. They better be joking. They better be joking.

Reaffirms that she's the queen of everything. Is that really what it says? Oh my god. Yoko Ono's incredible new video reaffirms she's the queen of everything. No, she's the queen of tricking John Lennon into being with her. Oh, my God. Yoko Ono, Plastic Ono Band. And she's, like, dancing and screaming.

You want to hear it? Because it's amazing. Oh, no. What's he doing? Yeah, what's that dude from Quest Love is there. Why did you do it, Quest? Get out of there, Quest. I'm a bad dancer with no regrets. Fuck.

And we got interrupted by a pop-up for Huff to post newsletter no i don't want your newsletter no no no no no no so see that ted cruz guy over there um i know someone who's having ted cruz come over their house for a fundraiser because they're a big supporter of israel and uh we're invited to go i'm trying to figure out if I should go. Some people are saying I should go just for the material, but I'm like, no, I'm just going to get angry. I don't want to get angry. That mean, have you ever heard that guy talk? He's Ted Cruz.

Why don't you, that's a good, good question. Why don't you Google Ted Cruz is a dummy and then find whatever videos they have. He's like Sarah Palin. If he was a guy with a head injury, find whatever videos they have. He's like Sarah Palin if he was a guy with a head injury. If Sarah Palin was a guy and he got hit in the head, he's not really running for president. I agree with that. Listen to him talk.

He's just so fucking stupid. Someone wasn't even born in America, so I don't know how he's going to be a president. He's born in Canadialand. And they would never have him. Listen to him talk. It's just such a... And to coddle and appease our enemies.

And so, Putin, you better believe Putin sees in Benghazi four Americans are murdered and nothing happens. There's no retribution. You better believe that Putin sees that in Syria, Obama draws a red line and ignores the red line.

First of all, stop right there. Sounds like a gay man to me. Is that a gay man? That does not sound, I mean, not to stereotype too late, but there's a certain, there's a reason why we have this stereotypical gay voice. There's a reason. Why is that reason, Brian? Getting fucked in the ass so much it makes your voice go higher.

No, no, no. No, because that's what they talk like. Okay, listen. If I talk to you like this, what am I? What do I sound like, Brian? What do I sound like, Brian? A large black man, right? A large black man.

A confident large black man who's threatening. Why? We recognize that. These exist in nature, right? Okay, here's one. What is that? It's a bird. Pterodactyl.

Okay. No, pterodactyl's like... But you know what I'm saying? Like, there's sounds that things make, and you go, oh, I know what that is. I, my fucking gaydar says that's a gay man. Sure. Listen to him talk one more time, please. First of all, I love gay people.

There's nothing wrong with gay people. And not all gay people talk like this. We've had gay people in the podcast, like Josh Zeps, you would never know, looking at him or hearing him talk that he's gay. Obviously he's gay. Talks about being gay. Unless it's a smoke screen.

This man says he's not gay. We will repeal every single word of Obamacare. Look at those people. Old people are clapping. You know why the old people are clapping? They don't know any better. Their top priority is preserving their own hide. And if enough congressional Democrats realize they either stand with Obamacare and lose, or they listen to the American people and have a chance at staying in office,

that's the one scenario we could do it in 2015. If not, we'll do it in 2017. Okay, cut right there. That is a guy who's barely keeping it together. He can't wait till that interview is over so he could run out of there and throw a dress on and put some makeup on and some women's shoes and just rip his underwear apart and just take it from behind. There's not a doubt in my mind that that guy can't wait until that interview is over for him to be himself.

He's barely holding it back like a dam, like a creaky wooden dam holding back the river of his gayness, a powerful glacial river of gayness. He, uh... Yeah. Am I right, or am I right? I fucking challenge anybody to argue with me that that's not an effeminate man. A very strongly effeminate man.

Which, again, there's nothing wrong with that. I don't know the guy, but he seemed kind of gay. I would like a gay president. I would love a gay president. I think we kind of gay. I would like a gay president. I would love a gay president. I think we could use it. We could use a gay president. We've had a black one. I think gay before woman.

Lesbian? Strong gay. Strong gay man. Strong gay man. Lesbian one? Sure, as long as she doesn't hate men. As long as it's not one that had a rough experience with men. Men are dicks to women, man.

I don't want that. I don't want anybody with prejudices. You know, you're not responsible for all the men that have been dicks to that woman. What lesbians do you know that you think could be a fine leader? Other than Hillary Clinton. Is she gay? Or asexual? She is married.

I don't know. Good call. So is Ted Cruz. Melissa Etheridge. That't know good call so is ted cruz melissa etheridge that's a good call i'll say melissa but melissa etheridge thinks and uh love her to death but she also thinks that if she's on a plane everyone in the plane doesn't have to worry because she will not be in a plane that crashes because she creates her own reality but that's true you think that's true yeah it's her simulation there's no evidence to the contrary it's like. You think that's true? Yeah. It's her simulation. There's no evidence to the contrary.

It's like when we had Bert on and Bert was talking about how he doesn't believe that you die. He goes, prove you die. I don't think you do die. Prove you die. I was like, you got a good point. Can't really prove it, right? I mean, you know that people have died in your life. And you know that things do die if you've ever seen a person die or seen a thing die. Things die. But a thing die things die

But do you die or is no who knows who knows if this is even real if you're listening to my voice you have no idea if you die You really don't you as far as you know I am a figment of your imagination You have created this entire reality everything from streetlights to fucking clouds Everything is all a part of your absolutely spectacular and vivid imagination. Every experience that you have, every sensory experience that you've taken in your entire life may in fact be a part of your brain trying to make sense of your imagination. And then there's Ted Cruz. He's just dreaming about dicks. and then there's Ted Cruz who's just dreaming about dicks

I believe it, I think we're all programmed I still believe it well you believe in simulation theory I believe that we are all a program in the future and you know I was thinking why is your program so weird now? because I'm stoned somewhere in 2000 years from now

but I was thinking how weird it is that we, we'd never, no one is born and remembers anything, you know, the first couple of years, usually like at least one year, you know, like you're kind of just born and then you're slowly diluted into being, Hey, I'm a live person, you know it And it's like this whole gray area where you just kind of yeah at the beginning that you're just kind of like I guess I Well, there's a guy who has a theory about that which is pretty fascinating. I forget the gentleman's name But what he said was that you are not really thinking like thinking as we know it does not exist until you like thinking as we know it does not exist until you learn language and that until then all you're doing is like having sensations and reactions to them but you don't have reference

you know when your mom is there because your mom gives you love you remember she gave you love so you look forward to you cry to get her and then she's in there and you're like the love is coming but you don't have an internal dialogue you don't know that like oh here comes my mom give up the tit bitch come on i'm gonna suck on some tit get me some milk that's why it's funny when you have a meme with like a kid thinking because you know the kids don't really think like that or kids words they the idea is that once we develop a language then we can put things into context and then we have words for all these things like chair floor door light and we have this thing in our head like man someone shut that fucking door I'm tired of seeing that light come through and then you have that in your head they would just shut that door then the

fucking light wouldn't come through god I gotta get up in the morning and you have this internal dialogue and once that internal dialogue comes on you know talking about anything else that you have a point of reference for or a word for then You're really thinking so what a kid is doing is like experiencing a bunch of things, but not thinking about it They're not like recalling like they see it again They'll be scared like if the dog barked ah the dog freaked you out, and you see the dog Yeah, oh the sounds coming, but do you have this oh this fucking dog is going to start barking again somebody shut him up that freaks me out they don't have that internal dialogue so that's why they don't remember anything that's why from the time where you're like a baby and you're

newborn what you really start remembering is once you hit like five, six, seven, once you have language and words, once you have words that you can recall, and once you have things that you can bring up again, like my daughter will bring up stuff that happened to her when she was like three or four, you know, she's like, remember that time we saw that thing? And I'm like, yeah, that was pretty cool. Right? Like, yeah, that was cool. Like, and she's five and she'll talk about something that happened a year ago, but it's because a year ago she had language. You know, she could talk a year ago. But like, she doesn't bring up some shit that happened when she was one.

Yeah. She doesn't remember it. So late term abortions till about two or three. I think one. Some kids talk. Well, my daughter, the first daughter was talking really good at one. It's weird. Like some of them start speaking really young.

Some of them, they speak later. And it's, it's a, it's weird like some of them start speaking really young some of them they speak later and it's it's a it's an interesting thing like when when is someone officially thinking I think they think that I think is like the idea is that at 48 days after conception the soul enters the body was like the Eastern mysticism view or some ancient view of when a fetus is viable, when it becomes a person. That 48 days, and up until then it was just a bundle of cells. It takes 48 days to install the operating system. Wow.

Well, something's happening. You're accumulating so many different, your brain is growing. You're accumulating senses. You're accumulating your ability to perceive. Your eyes are growing. They're developing. Your sensations are growing and developing. It's really weird, man. I had a dream about a girl that I haven't thought about in a long time. I wake up and all I did for the rest of the day is like, oh, what's she doing now? Why?

I should talk to her. And then I texted her. And I'm thinking, how interesting is it that something that I had no control of while I was dreaming was making me do stuff

when I was awake. And I was thinking how interesting that, you know, the whole shutting off when you go to bed and you're dead and when you're sleeping

and you're just, you don't know what's going on. But having that world affect your awake world. Why don't you say world? World. Why do you insist on doing it? No, it's not. No, Jamie says world too. Anything retarded that Brian does, it's an Ohio

thing. It's my block of Ohio where the gas leak occurred. Say one thousandth. One thousandth? Everybody says one thousandth. There's a TH on there and worth it. Say one thousandth. One thousandth? Everybody says one thousandth. There's a TH on you, and you have to say it that way. One thousandth. It is weird, though, to answer your question, that when you dream, you can dream about somebody,

and then when you're awake, you can think about that person. I literally woke up and was like, man, I need to find out what this girl's doing. It was almost not, I was being told to do something almost, and it was just because of interest for me, but it was something I had no control of. I didn't want to think of this girl and, you know, but I was just, that's just like an example of something that's happened recently. But there's what other things though, that you dream about and you don't even realize you had a dream about, but during the day you're like, you know, I'm gonna buy some new shoes. And you're like, but you dreamt about shoes the night before.

You might not even remember, but you dreamt about shoes. You just you might not even remember but you you dreamt about or you just like shoes yeah it doesn't have to be connected with your dream that's a terrible reference well you know what i'm saying i know what you're saying about the girl that is weird but that people they get contained in your memories and sometimes they get contained incorrectly like why is it about like exes like you like generally a lot of times people like especially if you had a good time with that person you only remember the good times and then you get with them again like you haven't seen them in forever and you start talking to me oh i forgot you're fucking negative and like they're like still negative and they're still like bitching about everything and complaining and always looking at the downside of things that's uh

that's something that, for whatever reason, absence makes the heart grow fonder. We eliminate those poor memories and only want to think about the good stuff. Except when there's police involved. I just remember that. Yeah, well, you have been in scenarios that have been quite a bit more extreme than myself.

Have you ever heard of the Mandela effect? Mandala? Mandela, like the Mandela effect? Mendala? Mandela, like Nelson Mandela. No, what is that? It's a theory that... It's Mandela, by the way. Nelson Mandela. Mandela.

When a large group of people have a vivid memory that's all the same, but it's false. Like there's a large group of people that had a memory of Nelson Mandela dying in prison, but he obviously didn't die. Is that like the Berenstain's bear? That's exactly where I was going with that. It's come back around.

I know it's been talked about before, but it's come back around recently. Yeah, now they're saying that we live in parallel worlds and stuff. All it is is the Shel Silverstein. I mean, I explained that last time. Shel Silverstein came out the same time as Berenstain, and everyone just put the two together thinking it was the same Steen, and we just... It's just a memory, especially for a word that's an odd word. Berenstain is odd, but Berensteen is pretty common.

Yeah, there's deep Reddit posts about it now, and a top theory is that someone's gone back in time and changed something. Exactly. It's Shel Silverstein. Dude, people waste so much time. Some fucking dude was tweeting me yesterday about the flat earth. I looked up that video.

Oh, my God. This guy. I don't normally do this, but I couldn't help it. And this guy tweets me, I was wary at first, but Eric Dubé has some compelling arguments supporting flat earth that can't be explained. So I tweet back in all caps, no, he doesn't. And then he tweets me, have you extensively looked into his research? First of all, if you're a fucking guy that's making YouTube videos about the earth being flat, that shit isn't research.

It's just not. It's not. You're not a scientist. You're not wearing a lab coat. You don't work for a major university. Just because you're some fucking jack-off, alone in your room, obsessing about nonsense, that's not research. That said,

so have you extensively looked into his research? There's definitely some fuckery going on with most of the ISS footage, so which I quote, I wrote back in all caps, uh, no he doesn't. it isn't or no there isn't no there isn't no there isn't any fuckery and then I just I step back and just watch the comments the comments are amazing they're so fucking amazing people actually arguing for the flat

earth people arguing against if I you know who one of them is my buddy max eberly how'd you know did you see it or did you yes yeah I follow him on Facebook I couldn't believe it I saw my friend Justin texted me about he goes dude I shit you not max is arguing that the earth is flat yeah Max is nuts he's so not India. I go, no! Max is nuts. He's so nuts. And the Earth picture thing, too. The Earth picture thing? The same thing Eddie was talking about the other day,

about where are all the pictures from Earth and from space. Oh, God. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Do they not know that snipers actually have to take into account the curvature of the Earth when they're shooting people? Because the bullets will drop. Like, there's a curvature of the Earth. Like, you have to take into account the curvature of the earth when they're shooting people because the ball the bullets will drop like there's a curvature of the earth like you have to there's that's a part of the calculation when you're trying to shoot somebody

fuckers like god damn it there's there's shit to think about but then there's that man yeah man well people love to fucking get worked up about nonsense you know like I I posted about fucking Cecil I posted today about the fucking lion that killed the guy in the photographic Safari thing so I put this on Facebook I go a lion killed a Safari guide in the same park where Cecil was killed the Safari guy had a name and was loved by the locals. The lion was not, in all caps, authorized to kill that person. I hope the other lions do the right thing and protest.

I'm just fucking around. And then I step back and watch the goddamn fights that are going on in the comments section. Where people, first of all, are thinking I'm an asshole because I'm serious. Joe, you're smarter than that. You should know. First of all, it reached 1.8 million people in the two hours we've been doing this podcast. How the fuck that happened? But, Joe, you're smart.

We talked in person before. Lions are designed to kill. They have lion brains. Will you shut the fuck up, stupid? You're trying to sound smart? You think I really think that that lion shit killed that? I am glad. Let me tell you this right now.

If there's a guy that's on a fucking photographic safari and a lion takes him out, I'm glad. You know why? Because I've been on the 405 at 4 in the afternoon. We could use less people. We could use less people. We could use less people. And anybody that's willing to go on a fucking photographic safari, you're an asshole. If you want to go on a photographic safari in the place where lions live, you're ridiculous.

You've watched too many movies. And for the sake of mankind, you probably should get taken out so everybody else can see. Oh, okay. They're just lions. These aren't lions that are in a movie. These aren't lions from a book. These aren't lions from a cartoon. They're giant cats.

Big fucking cats. I got a little cat at home. And I take little things, I crumple up a little piece of paper, and I throw them across the floor. She chases them, dives on them, and puts them in her mouth. And she's a fluffball. She's a cat. These are 600 pound cats

that regularly kill shit. All day they kill things. They're hardwired to kill anything that's limping, anything that's weak, anything that's in front of them, including some stupid fuck with a camera. Walking. You should be in an Iron Man suit and you should be armed to the dick.

If you're gonna walk around where lions are, you should be, like, mocking them. You should be in one of those... Not the regular Iron Man suit, but the big one where the dude's inside of it. The big fucking gray one that they had. The Hulk killer. Yeah, the Hulk killer

Iron Man suit. That's what you should be in. Did you see Fantastic Four? Of course I didn't. I'm not seeing anything when they have kids. Iron Man suit. That's what you should be in. Did you see Fantastic Four? Of course I didn't. I'm not seeing anything when they have kids. They redo it and now there's a young black kid that's the flame. Stop with your diversity. Annie. Okay, I saw the fucking comic book.

Blade was black. The flame was not black. You're making him black. I know what you're doing. Okay? Stop. It's like Annie. Black Annie. Black Annie. Just make a new one, man. I'm not against black superheroes. Make a new one. But when you say

Superman's black, I'm like, come on. Come on! He's not black. They're not doing that, are they? They are now. Someone's gonna, yes, he should be. Do you remember when they were saying that Santa Claus, they were doing a black Santa Claus and Megyn Kelly got really mad on Fox TV? Did you ever see that?

No. I don't remember that. People were so mad at her because she was like, there was a video on Fox TV where she was saying, Santa Claus is not black. Okay? Let's just get it over with. Santa Claus is not black. No. Santa Claus is not real, you fuck.

Okay? That's the correct thing you should have said. Not that he's not black. That's hilarious. Saint Nick. But first of all, she's right. There's not a lot of black people in Siberia. You know?

But you know who is black? Jesus! That makes more sense. Yeah, he was black. He had fucking skin of bronze and hair of wool. He had hair like lamb's wool. And his skin was black. He was Sephardic.

He was a dark person. For sure. Definitely didn't look like that hippie. Let's let her play it. Let's listen to her. In Slate, they have a piece on.com. Santa Claus should not be a white man anymore. And when I saw this headline, I kind of laughed.

And I said, oh, this is so ridiculous. Yet another person claiming it's racist to have a white Santa, you know? And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white, but this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa. Listen, she's lying to your kids. Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we're just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids. Oh, is that hilarious? She's got, like, fucking the dude for the kids. She's going to save for the kids. Just in case any kids are listening, Santa Claus is white.

White kids? Listen, Santa Claus is white. That's ridiculous. Show me a picture, Hooker. How long ago was that? Show me a picture of this fucking Santa Claus if he's white. Two years ago. Two years ago.

Wow. She's hot, though. Why does everyone want to save the kids? Kids are kind of smart. Or at least they think they are. Two years ago. Wow. She's hot, though. Why does everyone want to save the kids? Kids are kind of smart. Or at least they think they are. They're way smarter nowadays. It's so important to save the kids when it comes to Santa. Jamie, you don't know because you don't have kids.

But my precious little babies need to be lied to. They need to be lied to about Santa. Megyn Kelly's going to lie to them, right? I know this kid. He gets bullied all the time. them right i know this uh kid he he gets bullied all the time and he was and i actually had got to see the bully bully him on the playground uh a couple months ago yeah and uh he was and i was telling him like you know you should get him back and uh and he goes i am i am and uh we made a plan where we photoshopped we found a photo of his bully and we photoshopped him kissing another

kid that's another bully and then we printed out a bunch of them and then put them all around the playground i love it dude that's beautiful right but it's so cool nowadays with like like these kids like he was like like when i was 11 i never thought about doing crazy things like that to get back the boy i just hid or something something like that, but nowadays kids are so Advanced that even when when when dealing with bullies they're using technology I gotta be careful though that kid doesn't find out who did it and beat the shit out of them You know the problem with mmm Yeah, man, but fucking why is it a natural instinct for people to do that to little kids?

It's a natural instinct right like like do that to little kids? It's a natural instinct, right? Like for those big kids to pick on little kids, it seems like almost like a natural instinct. It's a fucked up instinct because like if you're bullied, like bullying for me led me into martial arts. And it helped me ultimately. Like that fear of people kicking my ass led me to go and train and do martial arts but for some people they don't do anything about it and they have like a particularly evil bull like my bullying was very gentle nothing bad happened nobody put me in the hospital nobody stole things from me or terrorized me i just was scared of certain kids and certain kids

fuck with me and i avoided them like i'd see them in the hallway and I go the other way and try to find another way to get to the bus You know where I go way all the way around and look around the corner Make sure that certain kid that was that I was scared of wasn't there But it was fairly mild as far as bullying goes, but we all know somebody who's like beaten up by bullies That shit can change your life man. It could devastate your confidence. It could ruin your whole year. It could lead to depression. It could lead to drug use. Like, and I don't know what the fuck can be done for that. Other than I've always suggested that teaching kids martial arts in school would be a great way to avoid bullies because avoid

bullying because they would develop confidence and they would develop discipline and they would understand that that kind of shit is pathetic, that running around and beating on kids like this kid that you're talking about. They actually not only do martial arts in school, they actually do the opposite of doing things like kickball or games where they're actually kind of promoting bullying. What's the one where we all had to line up? Dodgeball.

Dodgeball. It's like, right, you're teaching dodgeball, which is hurting other people, but instead we could have learned karate or whatever. Dude, I used to fucking avoid dodgeball like the plague. Because I was in, when I was 14, was the only time I remember dodgeball. But this was like before I started martial arts. Well, I was kind of just starting karate, and I was scared of everybody, beating my ass.

You know, it was new in this neighborhood. Just moved there. It was my first year in this neighborhood as a freshman in high school. And then there's just fucking kids that were lighting kids up with these balls, man. Just fucking whipping these balls at kids. And they'd get hit in the face and everybody would laugh.

And I'm like, this is crazy. Dodgeball is fucking crazy. And choosing partners. Remember you had to choose. We all had to line up. I want Jeff on my team. I want Todd on my team. And then just having to go through being picked last.

Remember that? There's so much fucked up shit that they do to you as a young kid that you don't realize that's teaching you. This is your place in life. Yeah, like your first place, your second place. Sorry you came in last place. Now we're going to throw a ball at you. You know Malcolm Gladwell?

He's got a book called Outliers, about people that perform really well at things. called out about outliers about people that perform really well at things and one of the things that he brought up in this book was how important being successful is being born at a certain date but a certain time a certain time of the year because if you're born at a certain time in the year you miss the cutoff and you're older than the other kids in your class and so like they were talking about like hockey players and that something about like there's like you know x amount of players a huge percentage of them were born later like uh they had a rule or something i think in canada like if you're born on like january 1st or december 31st you're playing with this group or that group and you could be the oldest kid or you could be the youngest kid actually if you're playing with this group or that group, and you could be the oldest kid, or you could be the youngest kid, actually, if you're born on the 31st.

Yeah. All your friends are the day after you in another league. Yeah, so if you're one of those kids that's like nine months younger than the other kids that are, you know, they're all 12, right, but one kid is like nine months older or 10 months older, that's fucking significant, really significant when it comes to sports. And his theory is, and's it's really correct that the advantage that those kids have by being older leads them to get better as well like one of the things about jiu-jitsu this is a very important lesson for anybody who knows jiu-jitsu because a

lot of people don't like this aspect of jiu-jitsu some people have this meathead idea that the way to get good at jiu-jitsu is to go against the hardest guys, get your ass kicked, and that's how you learn. Actually, that's the wrong way to learn. The best way to get good at jiu-jitsu is to strangle blue belts. You go and you find people that are just learning, but they're not as good as you, and you choke the fuck out of them. That's how you get really good at your technique. And people say, well, that's bullying. Well, That's how you get really good at your technique. And people say, well, that's bullying.

Well, it is important for the blue belt to, at some point, spar with black belts. It is important. Or purple belts or brown belts. Because you need to know that there's a higher level of proficiency. There's a higher level of skill. And then there's a shorter distance in between points that these guys are hitting. They're cutting the chase. They're capitalizing on very small openings, and they clamp down. And when they capitalize on these small openings, they get submissions quicker. So you have to know that there are guys that are

better. That's important. But to drill, the most important thing is drilling. And when you drill, you drill with someone of your level and you just practice on each other. Like you choke me and, you know, you'll do it like twice and I'll choke you, I'll do it twice. And it's just practice. And maybe you resist like 50%. Like sometimes like you're doing a drill and I'll pretend to be resisting.

I'll resist it a little bit so that you strangle me and choke. Because that simulates real life, Simulates how it would be. And you're supposed to be building your muscle memory. But the real way to do it, after you do that, to get it really sharp, is to practice on people with a limited amount of proficiency. Just to choke the shit out of them. So that's like the way that you ultimately get better is to practice on people that aren't quite as good as you. And then you eventually develop and you get to a point where where you know that seems kind of impractical you know but i don't remember what my point was um choking people sports going against different belts uh

kid teaching bullying oh uh getting better so the the idea by that is, the real problem with that is, if you're in a school and say you're the only white belt and everybody else is a brown belt or a black belt and you're training with them, fuck, man, you might not ever get good. You just might get wrecked all the time. And that's the idea with kids that are in sports that are so much younger than everyone

else in their class. Or if you're pretentious and they bring you're precocious and they bring you in a class earlier, he skipped a grade. So you're in seventh grade now, Billy. Well, you got to go to seventh grade football. Good luck, you little fuck. You're going to get run over. One of my best friends growing up the whole time we were playing sports, uh,

his birthday is a week after mine, but he's a whole year older than me. And so he played sports with us the whole time. He's smaller than me and doesn't look like he's bigger than all of us, but he would beat the shit out of every single person. We would play every sport, football, basketball, baseball track. When we were, when we got to high school, for some reason, he was better than everyone in that too. He was a ninth grader and he was starting freshman running back on the varsity team in the newspaper getting but he was a whole year older than everyone and ah well that's what it is 15 years ago no one was really yeah well that's that's a big deal because your your body develops like very rapidly at a young age and so these young kids that are older than everyone else in their class, they have this significant advantage.

And that advantage, according to Gladwell, it accelerates them onto success as a professional. That because you have an advantage, you continue to get better, and you can exercise that advantage over other people, which sharpens your skills. Just like, you know, the idea of taking, you know, getting really good because you're strangling blue belts. It's not good for the blue belt, but it skills. Just like, you know, the idea of taking, you know, getting really good because you're strangling blue belts.

It's not good for the blue belt, but it's good for you, you know, because you're already ahead of them. So you're going to get better and better and better and better. I was held back in third grade when my parents got divorced and I was a little young and it didn't help me at all. But you didn't try. You're not into sports. You didn't even try.

Like what sports did you ever play? Soccer. Did you play soccer? How much did you try? On a one to ten? Three? I hated it. I don't remember.

Yeah, see? That's the difference. I was born in August. I don't know if that's a good, I don't think that's a good month for professional sports. Like, if you wanted to go on teams. But I didn't do it. I mean, I only played baseball when I was little until I found martial arts. But if I wanted to be a professional athlete, like a soccer player or a hockey player or whatever,

probably not a good month. I think the good months are like February or something like that. February, March. That's when the season starts usually. Well, you're also like late in the year, you know? I forget what they said, what year it was what gladwell said what year was the or what time of year rather was the best to start it was an interesting thing too he had a thing talking about what the best year to um be born was like in the 20th century and it was

like in the early 1930s because it was right after the depression was over and like right after World War I. So like there was a lot of jobs to be had. The economy was booming. And then you were at the front of the line for like this big baby boom that came on after that before World War II. So you would be in positions of management. You would have these advantages. these advantages. It's really interesting when you think about like how lucky you can be or how unlucky you can be in certain situations and how that, like we're talking about bullying, can sort of flavor your whole life. Like an unlucky roll of the dice can flavor your whole life.

And also he was talking about people that were born and that went through World War I. And he was like, well, even if you went through it it by the time you were out of the military by the time you're trying to establish your life you're already in your 40s like you're you're already like trying to start a career at a time where most people are already clearly established really interesting when you really stopped and think about like most of us don't engineer our lives you sort of just make the best with what you've got. But there's a lot of consequences. There's a lot of factors that play on behind the scenes that we really don't take into consideration when you consider, when you really think about like where you are in life.

I mean, hard work and dedication and focus, all those things are hugely important. The ability to stick with something, the ability to put in the work, to get up, to be disciplined. But also, there's a lot of shit that you don't have anything to do with, man, that absolutely factors in. But then there's that bitch-ass part of people that go, well, he's only fucking, he got there because he's lucky. You know, he's only playing football for the fucking Dodgers, or for the Dodgers. He talks about Bill Gates and his 10,000 hours of mastery and whatnot but a lot of what he's talking about here is that he got lucky or whatnot because his childhood home was really close to the University of Washington

he had access to some computer uh programs that other people might not have had the opportunity to get a hold of true so he might not have been Bill Gates without being in the spot he was at the time he was true but he might have been something else too i mean it's also what he did like bill gates used to work from like two o'clock in the morning till four o'clock in the morning or till six o'clock in the morning coding his mother would try to wake him up and he was always exhausted she couldn't figure out why because the dude was up all night coding it's time to work well she would put him to bed and he would like pretend to sleep then he'd wake up he'd sleep for a couple hours and then get up and code and i think that the people that become successful for the most part they become successful because they figure out a way but would they have

figured out the same way or would they have figured out another way or would they have been discouraged because of poor circumstances you know how many people who became successful got like, take me for example, not maybe with standup because standup is like something you either just can do or you can't do and you have to put in the work. I don't see any easy roads for standup. If you get good at standup and you're headlining and killing, you put in the work. There's just no other way around it. But TV wise, I got lucky as fuck. I only auditioned for two TV shows ever, and I got both of them. That's crazy. Total dumb luck.

Got on MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour because of stand-up. Then I got a development deal. The development deal led me out to Hollywood where Disney gave me a bunch of money. And I auditioned for a show. Just got total dumb luck. They were looking for some athletic guy to be in this baseball show. Got that. Then auditioned for news radio. Got that.

Two shows, both of them on TV. It's just total luck. Unquestionably lucky as fuck. And then even Fear Factor. Lucky as fuck. They wanted someone who had already been on TV. They wanted someone who understood competition. And they wanted someone who was like a comedian that could like work on the fly.

Luck. Here I am. Dumb luck. So those things, I will never, total dumb luck. But also, you got to fucking show up. You got to do the audition. You got to not choke. Like there's non-luck factors as well. Like there's certainly luckluck factors as well. Like there's certainly

luck involved in everything that happens, but there's a lot of other people that were trying out for that same show that were probably just as qualified as me, especially the first show. And they didn't get it because they probably choked. Maybe my luck was that I had gone through martial arts competition. So I was less likely to choke because I had done scarier shit. So I was used to performing under pressure. So maybe there was luck in that luck in the fact that I had this background but that's not necessarily luck either because that was fucking hard to do so it's like this black and white thing that people want to put into you know when you look at like this guy succeeded because of hard work well maybe maybe he succeeded because of hard work. Well, maybe, maybe he succeeded because of hard work and what time of the year he was born and that he was older than the other kids in his class.

And he worked hard and he got there. There's a lot of factors. There's a lot of fucking factors in everybody's success. There's a new drone prototype that Sony just released. And it can go up to, it can carry up to 22 pounds of cargo and it can go up to 106 miles an hour and fly up to two hours.

How many bullets is that? But there's a really cool video that I sent you, Jim, that it's showing it fly. And it looks like a mini airplanes unlike the the drones that we know of where it's they're usually like circular or like a square or something like that this looks like a little mini jet but I thought it was interesting because I carry up you know 22 pounds is

a lot for something to carry you know what's interesting like look at the way that thing just took off how come they can't make planes like that they do they have planes like that yeah but i mean for people like not just like for jets like for fighter jets like look at the whole front end of that thing why can't they fill that up with fucking passengers and have that big circle in the center be that that uh helicopter thing that makes it just take off straight that's pretty dope there's another video below it that shows uh a little bit more of it flying um but they're thinking about they're selling this so it could be used for like you know like amazon and stuff like that and pizza deliveries and and things like that that's gonna be a real problem man it's gonna be a real problem, man.

It's going to be a real problem for amateur pilots for sure. I mean, if they fill the skies, if they become so many of those things, I mean, think about if these things become as common as, I mean, they probably won't, but cell phones. And they're just flying around all over the place. People are sending people things. Hey, man, can I borrow your baseball? Sure, I'll fly it over to you.

Program it in. This is in Ohio, right? This was a second one that just happened. Arrest and drone plot to supply prison contraband. This is in Maryland, I believe. Yeah. Ohio just had one also where people are smuggling in

drugs into courtyards and stuff like that. Well, do you know why they got caught? Because the wrong people got the drugs and there was a fight. Wow. Look, guns. Guns in prison? That's hilarious. They were smuggling in guns.

What are those things? Pokemon cards? Well, what are they going to do when people start smuggling in 3D printers and they can just build whatever the fuck they want in jail? What is that? Is that Pokemon? It might be tobacco. That in 3D printers and they can just build whatever the fuck they want in jail? What is that? Is that Pokemon? It might be tobacco. That was the most of what they had on that other one. Those little things are tobacco? Could be packets.

That's what this is on top. Who cares what it is? Just the idea that they can just fly it in and drop it off. Did you hear about the Pokemon convention? Was it yesterday? Oh, I get the newsletter. I'm part of the fan club. Of course.

No, there was two gunmen that came into a Pokemon convention. Enough! Armed with 250 rounds or something like that. Everybody over 18 dies. Yeah. Look at this. Pokemon attack. I mean, who attacks Pokemon people?

They're like the most adorable, nicest people in the world. But look at that. You said world again. Do you not like the word world? I don't like world. Is that how you say it? World. How do you say it?

W-O-R-L-D. Why do you put the R before the O? It rolls off the tongue easier than going world. World. World. World. World. How do you say it?

World. No, no, you don't say it like that. How do you say it? The world. How do you say it? World. No, that's the right way. That's why I say it. No, you say world. How does he say it like that. How do you say it? The world. How do you say it? World. No, that's the right way.

That's why I say it. No, you say world. How does he say it, Jamie? You say W-R-L-D. You're confused now. I can't even hear it. It's the best thing in the world. World. World.

Okay, keep saying it like that. We're good. No, that's what I say. No, you don't. You say world. Say it like that, like world. World. No, he doesn what I say. No, you don't. You say world. Like world. World. No, he doesn't even say world.

World. This is world. W-R-O-L-D. That's what you say. World. World. Best thing in the world. World. Well, it doesn't matter. Alright, we gotta get out of here because it's about we're at two hours in and I got a boogie. Do we cover everything that's important in the world of the internet?

Pretty much. If you see these things and there's anything fucked up, just tweet it at us. We're trying to do these if we can, if we have the time, once a week, but it's tough. Thank you, Brian. Thank you. Always a good time. Yeah, plug, dates, what do you got? Tomorrow we got a secret show with Russell Peters, Tiffany Haddish, Tony Hinchcliffe,

Dean Del Rey, some secrets. And then Friday. Will Tiffany Haddish be queefing into the microphone? No. But Tiffany Haddish's show. She's done queefing? Yeah, she doesn't do that anymore. Why?

Because she's on television now? She's on NBC now. And you can see her show Wednesday also. Gerard Carmichael show. Yep. And also I have a show in Ventura, California Friday at the Hong Kong Inn doing a full set there. Yeehaw. That's so sweet.

All right. DeathSquad.TV for more details. Red Band on Twitter. And that's it, you fucking savages. See you soon. Bye-bye. Big kiss. Peace.

Peace. Peace. Thank you.