The Joe Rogan Experience - #695 - Sebastian Maniscalco

Episode Date: September 9, 2015

Sebastian Maniscalco is a stand up comedian and he also host his own podcast with Pete Correale called "The Pete and Sebastian Show" available on Spotify.

Actually, I'm double-dating tonight. Oh! Oh, and we're live! If you're looking for something to do in Hollywood, tonight at the Comedy Store, Brian Redbehan. Ooh, he's right here. He has a big show tonight.

Big show! Big show! At the Comedy Store. Jim Florentine. Fucking hilarious. Dom Irera. Jesus fucking Christ. Ben Gleib. Steve, I don't know how to pronounce his last name, but he's hilarious.

AG, he's fucking hilarious, but I always ruin his last name. Dean Del Rey, fresh off of a fucking motorcycle accident. The kid can't be stopped. Brian Moses, Jesus fucking Christ, what a lineup. Brian Redband, Mike Lawrence, Tony fucking Hinchcliffe, Mark Serratella, and Secret Guest. Two of them which I know which are national headliners and very hilarious guys. Yes. Well, I can't say it to Kyra, girl.

One of them is fucking famous as shit. Yeah. But apparently this bitch is too big to have her name put on the... I say bitch with all due respect. In reference to Dom Herrera. With all due respect. Tonight at 8.30 at the Comedy Store Main Room. Tickets are only $10 on sale right now.

Yeah, they're on Brian's Twitter. They're on my Twitter. And if you go to thecomedystore.com, you can buy the tickets. Fucking Sebastian! Speaking of Comedy Store over here, this guy. What's happening? Nice to be here. You and I have been friends for a long fucking time, my friend.

Long time. I remember when you first started. 1998. You were very, very prevalent at the comedy store when i first came there you were like a you were there every night and then you left and now you're back yeah i'm back i love it back man i'm having a great time i think this is the golden age of that place fucking amazing now right well compared to some of the times that we shared there when uh 2000 2001 i was a young fledgling comedian and uh wearing snake skin see-through shirts you definitely had a very interesting style like a long island club style

i was trying to bring the nightclub scene to the stage that's what i guess it was i tried that once i mean didn't you ever go through like, I gotta have an outfit? What was your outfit? My first time on stage. This is how retarded I am. Not just my first time. My first three or four times. I tried to dress like a comedian from that movie

Punchline. You know, like I would wear the sneakers with a jacket, like a blazer but with the sleeves rolled up and maybe a wacky t-shirt or I had a wacky pin, like a pin with a smiley face and a bullet hole in his head or something. Oh, so embarrassing. When I stop and think about what a fucking tool I was, you know, but-

At least that's in the normal kind of, but I was wearing Melrose Avenue snakeskin see-through where you could see my nip you were too I remember this is bullshit you would wear some of the wackiest shit yeah it was it was awful well trying to find my footing yeah just trying to be different and yeah I had to go through that stage, I guess. Was that all your idea, or did you have a manager? No, this is all me. I came up with these marketing schemes. When I first came out to Los Angeles, I was coming from Chicago,

and I come from a family where my father's a hairdresser, my mother's a secretary. Nobody's in the entertainment business so i'm like how am i going to crack into this so what i did was i went and i took some modeling shots off the expressway and some weeds this is professional shots in weeds yeah i did the um i don't know if you ever did the Barbasan modeling thing where you heard it on the radio. If you think you got it, come down and I did that on the down low. So I went in, I took my photos, I brought them home.

My mother's like, the photo's beautiful. You've got to send this out. Hollywood's going to love this. So what I did was I shrank it down into like a four by six and at the time they had a photoshop on the back you could uh you could uh there was like a bunch of people watching a movie screen so in the movie screen you could type text so I typed in coming this summer Sebastian like it was a movie. I didn't put any phone number, nothing.

I figured I'm just going to wet their beak with the photo. This is how sick I was. So I'm thinking the casting directors are going to get it and go, Oh! And then look, he didn't leave a number. So when I got to LA I sent out another batch And it said now playing

In Los Angeles with the phone number Not one phone call None Zero That was it That was my entree I would have felt like there was at least one dude Trying to fuck you

If I was a sleazy casting director at least one dude trying to fuck you. You know? If I was a sleazy casting director and I was of the gay inclination, I think you're my fucking kind of guy. Yeah, no, nothing. You're perfect. I didn't even make a gay bite. See-through gay bite. See-through snakeskin shirt.

Fucking A, man. This is my guy. I've been waiting for him to come up. Terrible. I went on stage one weekend. One of the worst times I ever bombed in my life. There was a bunch of factors that led to this bombing. But one of them that I was dressed up like I was going out to a club.

And this was like the first time I'd ever done it. Like I had Cavariccis. Remember Cavariccis? They were like tight at the top and they kind of ballooned out a little bit in the legs. Very nice. I had like a nice shirt, button up,

looked good. I had hair back then. And I was on stage and just fucking eating plates of shit. And then I remember it was like being so uncomfortable with the way I was dressing

and bombing. I went on after Brewer. It was like one of my, it was one of the pivotal moments of my young career. I'd only been doing comedy like, I gotta say like three years maybe. And I was headlining really shouldn't have been headlining really didn't have the time. It's just bullshit. I was, I bullshitted my way into position and I kind of pulled it off until Saturday night,

late night show, Saturday night, late night show Brewer went up and lit the fucking place on fire. I mean, he crushed like I'd never seen any comic crush before Up until that moment it was just like Jesus I was terrified backstage Fucking terrified Just didn't know how to follow anybody back then Didn't know how to laugh at it And just ride the wave and have fun

Just it went up there in eight plates of shit But part of it was definitely I was super uncomfortable with the way I was dressed I was like what am I doing? But were you wearing that off where you were a Cavaricci guy or did you just figure I was trying to get laid I guess I probably I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I was so lost I Wear whatever worked you know when you're trying to get laid and you're a young guy you fucking wear whatever They like the clothing is entirely dictated by the success. Like women's appeal, like what women find appealing.

That's what we wear. Whatever the fuck. There's a reason why the fanny pack. This is why people can't wear fanny packs. My beloved fanny pack right here. See, I'm married. I could pull that shit off. If you're not trying to get laid, you can wear that fucking thing.

Or if you don't give a fuck, if to get laid, you can wear that fucking thing. Or if you don't give a fuck if you get divorced, you can wear that thing. But if you're a guy, if you're a young guy hoping to impress a gal, and you walk around with a fucking bag bolted to your waist, you know. You gotta wear what they want you to wear. It's all dictated by women.

Fashion, if it was just men on the planet, there would be no fucking designer shoes. There would be nothing. There would be nothing. We'd all be wearing skins. We'd all be wearing animal skins or whatever the fuck is comfortable. Cotton shit, shorts. Nobody would give a fuck. If there was no women, if it was just removed

from the equation, if no longer, if there was no, like, not only were there no women, like, we didn't need to reproduce. People live forever and every guy that's here is gonna be here forever. That's it. This is these are the people done It would be the fashion industry would tank it would go crashing down to the ground so quick but does your wife have any say on what you wear like Joey you want to put like a Button up on if we go out

She will ask me to wear something nice if we go out like if we're going out to a nice dinner somewhere We'll do like a date night go nice little restaurant, if we're going out to a nice dinner somewhere, we'll do, like, a date night, go to a nice little restaurant. We've been lately going to these Michelin-rated restaurants. You ever do that? Yeah, yeah. You go and find, oh, it's a Michelin-rated one. Oh, it's a five-star one. And you go to these places.

You ever go to those? They still have Michelin-rated restaurants? It is worth going because it's all those crazy foodie people. Like, have you ever met a real foodie like a legit foodie You know like They'll tell you like where the spots are we have some friends that are like so like Brian Callan knows all the spots Callan and his wife are like legit foodies Callan is like he's a legit foodie and a legit wine connoisseur like he really knows I Just remember shit. I like try to pick stuff. That's expensive like that's a hundred bucks. It's gotta be good

You know I mean like it's just like it's $100. It's got to be good. You know what I mean? It can't be terrible. But Callan knows where it's from, what part of France. He'll tell you how the grapes are fucking different than the other grapes. But these restaurants, then we go to one of those. She'll ask me. I have to wear shoes.

I have crocodile shoes. Crocodile skin shoes. Fuck. Yeah, I do. So those come out on the Michelin nights. Yeah, I wore them the other night. Double date with Cal and his wife. I have my fucking gators on. Woo! Looking slick, dude. I'm telling you.

Is there something that you wear that your wife hates every time you wear? Those barbell jeans. Those jeans that I have, they're elastic. They're fucking totally rubber jeans. They're fucking totally rubber jeans. They're fucking elastic. They look like jeans, right?

But when you pull them, they're like this. They're like this cloth. They look exactly like jeans. I wear them on stage all the time, but they don't bind you at all. The company sent them to me. Well, there's a bunch of companies. Diesel makes them now. They don't make them with as much elastic as barbell, though. Barbell is the shit. The company sent them to me. Well, there's a bunch of companies. Diesel makes them now. A lot of companies.

But they don't make them with as much elastic as barbell, though. Barbell is the shit. Those are like fucking, there's no resistance. It's like, like your legs can, you can do full splits in them. No problem at all. You can kick somebody in the head wearing those. You wouldn't have any resistance. Does she not like them because they're not realistic looking?

They're ridiculous. Like, girls don't like, They don't like anybody finding out you're wearing rubber stretch jeans. Rubber jeans? You can't... They'll find out... They'll find out your fucking husband is wearing them.

They'll mock him. Oh, so is your husband still wearing those jeans? Is he wearing yoga pants, too? Do you guys go out and he wears yoga pants? So they're like yoga pants in jean form. They're not that tight but i have another pair that she fucking hates i don't think i think she hides them because i can't find them they they have a drawstring they have like they tie at the top and she's like those are fat people pants

and i go first of all you're fat shaming okay second of all if you are not overweight i am i'm not an overweight person So if I'm wearing these will you give a fuck if I'm wearing fat people jeans You know but it to her like the fact that they have a string that you tie at the top is embarrassing Yeah, no, no strings But they wear the button right then it works you tie in your clothes forget it yeah, but why is that? Right. Then it works.

You tie in your clothes, forget it. Yeah, but why is that? I don't know. I got a few drawstrings in the closet. Nothing wrong with that. Drawstring jeans? Listen, guy. I'm not up for the rubber jeans.

That's a whole other deal. All the companies are making them now. I see them on the street. There's a big billboard the other day for this other car. I think Lee makes a pair of them. Diesel makes them now. Well, then I got to look into it. Look into it? I'm telling you.

Go down Melrose. Next time you're on one of those mad shopping sprees, you got all your bags over your shoulder. Yeah. That Melrose Street is a strange environment. Well, in 1998, I used to live on that street. I used to go to all those stores. And then they all kind of closed. So now it's going through kind of a weird resurgence.

So they don't really have those leopard nipple shirts. What is it like now? I don't know. Every time I go by, it's like a new store that's opened up, a new coffee shop. A lot of skateboarding shirt stores and things like that. Did you see that skateboarding video that I posted on Instagram yesterday or YouTube yesterday? We played it on the show yesterday because we

had a woman that had suffered from severe head trauma. This fucking kid is going 70 miles an hour down a road in Colorado. He's on this super deep, steep hill and he's just tucked like a skier, like one of those speed skiers. And he's fucking flying.

And it's just, oh, your hands get clammy. Your feet start twitching. You're like, oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus. Watch it when you get a chance. I've seen one of those. It was two guys, though, and they were going like that. It's nuts. It's crazy.

If you wipe, if you wipe, you are so fucked. One rock. Yeah, anything. Well, they're probably pretty good at balance like they can probably pick it up pretty good But this motherfucker there. Yeah right there look at this crazy fucker Filming it do you think probably a car I would imagine a car which is how they know he's going 70 miles an hour That's a very good question though could be another asshole behind him It's also doing the same thing if he hits a rock the car is gonna kill him mm-hmm. That's a very good question though. Could be another asshole behind him. It's also doing the same thing. If he hits a rock, the car's gonna kill him.

Mm-hmm. That's a very good question. That's a very good point though. Well, he'll go forward. It's not like if he hits a rock, he's gonna stop dead in his tracks. He's going 70 miles an hour. I don't know if you know a little thing about called inertia. The car's not gonna know he's gonna hit a rock. But the car, he will not go that much slower is what I'm saying. He's gonna fly forward if he wipes. The guy's gonna hit the brakes and he will not go that much slower is what I'm saying. He's going to fly forward if he wipes. The guy's going to hit the brakes, and he's going to go. He doesn't have any brakes.

So he's going to skid and remove all of his skin. Have you ever seen someone who's gotten mad road rash? Did you see Dean Del Rey? He posted on his Instagram his whole side just skinned off. All his tattoos on his arms where he skinned his arms, his tattoos look brand new now because it just took a layer of skin off. And so it looks like he just got his tattoos again. So, like, you know how you're exfoliating. Yeah.

If your tattoos fade, just get in the car accident. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Somebody hit him going 70 miles an hour. A tweaker supposedly carjacked a car and had an accomplice following her. She hits Dean going 70 miles an hour, gets out of her car, gets in the other car and takes off. How does he know she was going 70 miles an hour? He was just guessing because he was going about 65 or so.

And he saw her coming up behind him in the rear view, like just going crazy fast. He said that she was going so fast, he didn't have a chance to get out of the way or anything. She just went right into him. How does he know she's a tweaker? I don't know. It was a carjacking. Good, most likely.

Damn, he's lucky he's okay. I can't believe he's going on stage tonight. He's a fucking trooper. He's going to get a hero's welcome tonight. He was at the comedy store last night, and you should see how many people were like, oh, are you okay? And doing like the pat. No!

If you get a new tattoo, that's the first fucking thing people do. They slap that tattoo. They can't even help it. I think it's like a magnet thing. I think people are attracted to your injuries. Yeah. But he's supposedly quitting motorcycles, which is interesting. He said he got out of his get-out-of-jail-free card or whatever, so he's looking at a Volkswagen

right now. Wow. Good for him. Yeah. Yeah. It's a scary thing, man. Scary thing. You look like you're a thrill seeker.

Like you've got a motorcycle. You don't have a motorcycle? I'm fucking torn. I'm like half of two different people. I'm fucking terrified of everything. And I do a lot of dangerous shit. But no, I don't have a motorcycle? I'm fucking torn. I'm like half of two different people. I'm fucking terrified of everything. And I do a lot of dangerous shit. But no, I don't have a motorcycle. I came close, but I was actually going through the motorcycle safety course, the whole deal,

with a couple of buddies of mine that still ride. My buddy Peter Hirschkow, he's still riding. But when we were doing it, two people I know wiped bad. That was when Frank Mir, who was the UFC heavyweight champion at the time, got hit by a car. They snapped his femur. This guy, old man, ran a red light, just spaced out. Just fucking nailed him. Sent him flying 70 feet through the air.

He soared 70 feet in the air from a car. And he's a, Frank's a giant dude. And his leg snapped in half. And he wasn't the same for like a year and a half, two years. It took a long time for him to recover. That scared the shit out of me. And then my friend Edson fell and just tore his shoulder up. And his shoulder was fucked up.

And, you know, that was it for me. And then another person I know saw somebody hit. I saw somebody got hit the other day i didn't see the hit but i saw him after it was over and he was screaming in agony lying on on the ground they had like the car beside him his bike was wiped out he's like ah ah yeah you hear all these things about i got a i got a scooter uh and i pop around town with the scooter and uh and you start seeing stuff like this and you're like maybe we should give the scooter a rest. But I got to tell you, to drive around in L.A. in a scooter is, I mean, it shaves some time off.

Park right in, hop in, and bounce out. But, you know, you don't think anything's going to happen, but then you hear someone like this with the carjacking, and then you're exposed. I think the best move for those things is when you're on the highway and it's bumper to bumper and those motherfuckers are cut in the lane because people at home where I don't know where you live and you're listening to this but in LA for some strange reason you're allowed to drive in between cars legally it's super fucking dangerous like when I lived in Boston people used used to do it, but it was illegal.

And people would get mad when people did it. But here, it's totally legal. Like, I had some friends that came out and visit, and one of the first things that they said was like, Dude, everybody's breaking the law on the highway with their motorcycles. I'm like, they're not. Like, that's the law. You're allowed to do that here. And they just looked at me like, that, what? It's crazy.

When I first saw it, I was like, what the? They almost clipped my mirror. Yeah. My mirror's been clipped. My mirror's still fucked from a motorcycle guy doing really clipping my mirror. Yeah He's lucky. He's alive. I mean you imagine you're fucking Those Ducati crazy fuckers those Hayabusa dudes Yeah, he didn't even stop I don't think he knows I was driving home from the comedy store once and was one of those gangs of motorcycles. You know, you get like 30, 40 guys out riding and one motherfucker is doing a wheelie for like a half a mile.

And he's going fast. He's just, meh. Just barreling down the highway. Cars all around him and he's doing a wheelie. And all I could think of was this fucking dude goes down. He's a dead man. And we're all going to see it. We're all going to see cars rolling over his head.

Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's exciting, though. Must be a thrill. Oh, it's a rush. You get that scooter up to 35. See, I think that's a good idea because I live in Burbank,

and that wouldn't be bad to just go to the store, go to do little things here and there. You should get one of those hovercrafts that got Wiz Khalifa arrested. Yeah. Get one of those things that the dude has at the store. I can't do it, man. Those are great. I hate just going into the bank, and there's people standing on those things. You really seen a lot of them?

Oh, everywhere in Hollywood. You would drive around on one of those things? Fuck yeah. You would? Fuck yeah. You would go to Ralph would drive around in one of those things? Fuck yeah. You would? Fuck yeah. You would go to Ralph's and a thing up at WI? Fuck yeah. Until they make it illegal. With a little sweatpants.

You know what? With my stretchy rubber jeans. Your nipple. Your leopard nipple. Tell me where you bought that shirt. I'll wear that. That's my new outfit. That and the hoverboard.

I think that, you know, they're going to make them illegal. So, like, right now, like, when you're driving around in a supermarket with those things, you can get away with it because there's no law. Did you hear what happened? The guy that's on Shark Tank, the rich billionaire guy, he actually owns the patent for all those. And all those are just generic replicas of the original that are sent from Korea. So, all these ones you see around are just rebranded generic shitty ones. So he's going, alright, everyone stop selling these now. I own the patent. You all

owe me money. So he's raking it in because of those things. Oh no. So he owns the patent, so he put a stop on all these people selling them? All the generic ones have to stop and what's probably going to happen is he's probably going to raise the price of them. Because right now you can go to Amazon and buy one for $350. So he's probably going to happen is he's probably going to raise the price of them because right now you can go to Amazon

Buy one for three hundred and fifty dollars, so he's probably gonna make that like a thousand dollars and only have one brand Hmm the Chinese are just gonna sell them anyway. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. That's gonna keep Stop them. I mean they fucking copy towns. They copy entire towns. They copy everything over there It's gay. It's kind of I kind of like that. They copy entire towns. They copy everything over there. I kind of like that they do it. I don't like the fact that someone's counterfeiting someone's work, but I love the fact that we live in a world that's so crazy that there's a part of the world where you just accept that they're just going to copy everything.

They have a whole fake Apple store in China. Total fake Apple store. You go in there, there's an Apple logo. All the shit is counterfeit. Have you never seen it before it's great it's fucking amazing I mean look if I was Apple I'd be pissed but what you're making plenty of money you should be laughing you should be laughing at the fact this exists I mean if you it sucks if you're in China and you want to oh look I'll just go to the Apple store and get my how come it doesn't have it what why does it have a

USB port in the bottom of the iPhone? Like, they just make their own shit. And they just slap an Apple logo on it. Yeah, they don't give a fuck, man. They copy entire cities. There's an exact replica of Paris in China down to every street. Yeah, they have an Eiffel Tower. They got no originality there? No one's looking at their city and going, let's be unique here.

I don't know. You got to wonder. I mean, I'm not a sociologist. You got to wonder, like, what is it about certain cultures that promotes creativity? Like, obviously, America. Like, America is known for being a very creative part of the country. And if you look at, like, African Americans, African Americans are known as being, like, some of the most creative and innovative people as far as, like, culture, as far, as far as the way they dress and the way they talk. They're the most imitated. They're pushing music. Think about Chuck Berry, Jimi Hendrix.

Go back to the old days of rock and roll, James Brown. All these black guys, these white guys were like, fuck, we've got to do what they're doing. Jimi Hendrix, when they came along, the Beatles watched them and they're like, we gotta fucking quit music. Like, what are we doing? Like, this fucking, what is this guy doing? Everybody was like, Jesus Christ. And what is it that makes them like that? You know, what is it that makes America, like, a hub of innovation?

There's some innovative places in the world. But this spot, especially when it comes to art, especially, like, when it comes to stand-up comedy. America like a hub of innovation there's some innovative places in the world but this spot especially when it comes to art it's better like when it comes to stand-up comedy what we do yeah why why are why I don't go to Germany or Australia that no one's pumping out movies TV shows like like America Australia does a little bit and they produce like like good comic Jim Jeffries came from Australia it He's a great comic. They've got some really funny guys over there.

There's some real good local comics, and they make some good movies and stuff like that. But there's not that many people in Australia. Australia is a giant place, and it's got as many people as L.A. Yeah, I was just saying in regards to entertainment. Yeah. As a whole, America seems to have that kind of on on lockdown we got it on fleek yeah i don't know man it's weird like germany not good at all like germany's real stiff brian were you around when that guy was coming to the store were you around

when that guy was coming to the store was like the main guy from germany with the hair yes what's his name i don't know oh no i don't know not know No, no no no no he was a really really Popular guy in Germany and he had decided that he was gonna make it in America, and I mean he barely spoke English Yeah, I came with this doing juggling. He was had a suit on Get his name. I forget his name, too But we were all like what like what is this guy doing? It was interesting because we kind of, like, respected the fact this guy had the balls. He realized that, like, for stand-up comedians, like, when I was living in Boston, we would all hear about the Comedy Store. It was like Mecca.

It was always spoken about in hushed tones. Like, you got to go to the Comedy Store. That's where Pryor started out. That's where Ken Henson started out. And everybody was like, oh, store the comedy store and then you know you get there and you see fucking james stevens the third asking for a standing ovation like what the fuck is going on here singing wizard of oz songs and shit like it was a dark time in the 90s it was like we had missed the kinnison wave and yeah you know when you and i were uh first starting at the store i was a few

years before you i was i started in 94 um at store, and it was just like whoa this place is dark like it was a gross It's like a lot of a lot of bad comedy going on there bad, but this fucking dude decided hey You know I'm a big star in Germany, but I'm gonna come to America. I'm gonna try to make it didn't even speak English Frank Lemberman, that's his name. That's his name. Frank Lemberman. Yeah, nice guy. Real nice guy. Just didn't work. His comedy was like slapsticky, like Charlie Chaplin movie type shit. Like he would fall down and fucking... He didn't know what was going on. This guy went on stage and it was like...

He was like the... I think he had a talk show in Germany. And he came here and he tried to make it work and it's amazing how many people come in and out of that comedy store if you if you went back and looked at the people that came in they stayed for a little bit they left and you know where did you go so it was the names on the walls sometimes i'll just sit there with google open and just google people's names on the walls, have them. I can't even find on Google. Like there was like some guy named MC Ren or something like, or MC Zen. MC Zen.

Yeah. And I was just like, well, that's a weird name for a comic. So nothing about him. There's some towing truck company on the side of the wall. Have you ever looked at the wall? There's like a lot of names that I think people just put up there without them

knowing. Do you think that that happens like with doctors that like, there's doctors like, whatever happened to Mike, the ophthalmologist? Ah, he's not doing it anymore. Does that happen? They go to ophthalmologist conventions and he just quit?

Probably not as much, right? They get saddled with all these bills and there's no student loans for comedians. Yeah, I don't think. I never saw a guy or met a guy. I used to used to do uh medical stuff i ran into a guy at the improv the other night that was an open mic or when i was an open mic and from boston and just decided he goes yeah i haven't done comedy at all

i haven't been on stage 16 years but i thought about it all the time and i decided to come back wow what do you know how do i get like, just fucking ran away from it. Like, we can't even, this is a conversation. How do I speak English? Well, you got to start with the alphabet. Fuck, man. Like, what can you even say to a guy like that? Go to kill Tony.

Yeah. Well, he's got an advantage over someone who hasn't done it at all, and there are people that start deep in their 40s. I mean, there's no age limit. You could be a great comic. You could start when you're 50 and become a great comic. You just have to be willing to put in that time. You have to have that energy.

Yeah, I mean, it's going to take some time. I mean, when do you think you guys started feeling comfortable in your own skin and on stage? Was that something that something that couple weeks ago a couple weeks ago i think i might have figured it out for an hour i think like there's a time 10 years yeah you know i'm i think 10 years in yeah i think 10 years is the number so you probably started right right when i was i was 10 years in when you started so you started in 98 i started in 88. oh wow so when you saw me I was just just I was a little I could

really do an hour I could really go on the road and I could do an hour and I had a special then I had my first comedy set or Warner Brothers CD that I put out and I felt like I could do comedy you know I felt like I wasn't a fraud anymore you know best L I still didn't. Like, if someone was going to come see me that I liked, I'd panic. You know. That's the worst. Yeah.

If I find someone famous that you like, come see you. No, stay home. I'm going to go on stage with no pressure. You know, it takes fucking forever, man. It takes forever. It's one of the most brutal grinds in all of show business. It is a brutal grind. And you mentioned someone's famous in the crowd.

Even when you're in the crowd, though. When you were in the crowd, and I know your laugh. I know your laugh. And you're laughing at other comedians. So when I'm on stage, I'm listening for a Joe Rogan laugh. And eight minutes in, I'm listening for a Joe Rogan laugh. I'm eight minutes in. I'm like, this guy's not laughing. I was laughing at you the other night.

You were killing me the other night. But I listen to certain things in the room. And I think you don't hear like you're trying to make somebody laugh. There's some people. Like, you hear Joey Diaz laugh. Yeah. I remember to this day when I was like, whoa, I'm a fucking comedian. It's when Paul Mooney was laughing.

Like, Paul Mooney, when I first started, fucking treated me like I was the plague. You know, some cute little white boy on some stupid sitcom trying to make it at the comedy store. I was a non-paid regular. I mean, I said, hello, Mr. Moody, walked right by me like I was on fire. I didn't give a fuck. And then one night I was, I was doing a set, a late set and it was like fucking 20 people in the audience. But, uh, I used to do those sets like the place is packed. You know, I didn't, I don't believe in throwing away a set you know if i'm gonna do a set i try my best and uh i heard which is mooney's laugh oh i forget what the bit was i really wish i remember what the bit was a controversial bit i remember that it was a fucked up bit and i came

off stage and mooney fucking grabbed me by both shoulders and said you're a real comic You are a real come you did that set in front of those 20 people like there was a thousand motherfuckers in that room You're a real comic and I was like wow I remember how good that felt like hearing him laugh was like wow Paul Mooney thinks I'm funny. Yeah, it's it's nice to hear other comedians laugh at your stuff. Oh, it's giant It's you could have 300 strangers laugh, but you hear one comedian laughing like I'm in the group Yeah, yeah Diaz was in the back of the comedy store the other night fucking howling when he's howling You hear that fucking bellowing laugh and Diaz is always smacking things smacking people when he's laughing Smacking tables. It's a lot of noise. Yeah.

I saw your special, your Showtime special. Was it a Showtime special? I was on the road. I forget where I was. I was flipping through the channels. I think I was in Vegas, actually. And it was just, you know, after a show, bored, watching TV, and your special came on. And I hadn't seen you do a set because I hadn't been at the store in like six or seven years you know 2007 was when I quit and um this was you know maybe what two years ago

when was your special yeah about two and a half years ago 2012 so two years fucking excellent it was really really good thank you it was tight it was funny you were comfortable up there and I was like god damn I haven't seen Sebastian in a long time you were fucking killing it thank you yeah and when you tweeted at me and the message i was like wow that's that's nice because i always thought at the comedy store when when you were there i i don't know i for some reason i don't think you got what i was doing i don't blame you with the nipples and shit well we were always friendly oh yeah no we were always friendly. Oh, yeah. No, we were always friendly. But for whatever the reason, we weren't, like, we were never, like, hanging out there. I was kind of in my own little world. Well, you were kind of in your own little world with everybody, though.

You kind of would go there and do your shit and then get out of there. Yeah, I was kind of, I never really hung out. I did, but I didn't. And it was like you had that little cluster of people in the back there, which I never kind of got into that little circle. You could have got in at any time. I know, I was just one of these guys. I've always been the guy kind of on the outskirts, even in school and whatever. I was always kind of the quiet kid that, you know.

It's the shirts. It's the fucking nipple shirts. It's the shirts. People don't know what to make of you. It's fucking open nipple shirt on stage. Open n the shirts. People don't know what to make of you. It's fucking open nipple shirt on stage. Open nipple shirts. Yeah, no, I was always kind of on the outskirts. So anyway, to fast forward, when you said that you really enjoyed what I was doing,

I was like, wow, that's a nice compliment. Yeah, I sent that. That was a tweet I put out, right, like a few years ago. Like, right after I saw it, I put that out. Yeah. But yeah, when I saw you at the comedy store the other night, too, I was noticing, I was like, he's so comfortable on stage now. Like you're so, you're so like, uh, in your own, you got your own rhythm, you know, which is like one of the harder things for a comedian to find, like find your own rhythm.

Like you could say the same stuff year after year after year and just not good. And then one day you figure out how to do it. You figure out how it gels in people's minds. And then that's it. Yeah, you're right. It's just, it's, it's a dance up there. The thing that you were doing about the kid, about the kid that you just really didn't like. I don't want to give away the bit.

Was it getting slapped in the back of the neck? The thing about that you, you ran into a kid at a party and you're like, I'm just not into this kid. Oh yeah, yeah. It was great. It was like, I don't want to give it away, but it's one of those bits where it's dependent upon your rhythm and everyone understanding how you look at things. Yeah. You know? Yeah, it's a combination of things.

I mean, you've got people that are writing beautiful jokes and this and that and the other thing. I really admire those people. But the way I work is it's more of like a way you say something or the timing or a pause or a look. And it kind of all gels together for some reason. And that's what I noticed that people were kind of gravitating towards watching my act was all this kind of physical and all this kind of weird faces that some other people might look at like, is this funny that the guy's doing all these faces or whatnot? But I don't know. I've always been in a very expressive family.

So when we sat around the table, which seemed to be kind of my first stage growing up in an Italian household. And everybody was kind of telling stories. And we all kind of just, it was, everybody was kind of funny. And we never really got serious because if we got serious, we would start to cry. Very emotional family. It was either we were laughing or crying. There was no in between. That's Italian. That's Italian.

So, yeah, and it took a while to kind of find that rhythm. Yeah, it's an interesting thing Isn't it everybody's got their own rhythm and you you really you can't we can't predict it Like I always use Mitch Hedberg as an example Like if you if you ever saw Hedberg live like Hedberg would say things that on paper were not funny at all Well, you would be howling like he had that bit about the Doub like naming the double tree in like how did they name that you know how about three trees no double tree yes meeting adjourned I'm not doing the bit justice but like he had a bunch of bits like that like would you like would you like a frozen banana no but I like a regular banana later so yes but if you saw that

on paper you would go that's not really funny but then you go see him live and you're dying to this day if I'm bored and I'm in my car I have a playlist on my my iPhone where I have some stand-up on it and I'll go to that Hedberg CD to this day. I've heard it all a hundred times, and it's squeaky clean, squeaky clean, and fucking killer. But this is like he found his style. He found his rhythm. You've got to find whatever it is, and no one can tell you. That's why comedy classes are just kind of ridiculous.

Joe, I took a comedy class. Well, it's good to get you on stage. Where at? Who taught it? I took a comedy. This is another introduction into Los Angeles. Never did comedy before but once. So I go, how am I going to get in to the comedy store?

I heard the comedy store was the place to be. So I look through whatever the trades. Sandy Shore, who's Mitzi Shore's daughter, has a thing called Sandy Shore's Sandbox comedy class. So I'm thinking, perfect. I take her class. If she likes me, she tells the mother I'm in. Sort of her stay.

Sandy Shore's like, just so you know, I don't really get along with my mother. We're not really talking right now. And I'm like, yeah, that's $400 down the drain. But for me, I enjoyed the comedy class because it gave me an opportunity to go up once a week in front of a supportive environment. Say what you will about that. You know, I mean, the people out there support. Oh, that was good. You know, I'm not going out into the wolves but for me it was like a way to kind of just get my legs

a little bit so i took it for for six months and it kind of helped me get off the ground a little bit because i didn't know i didn't know what to do nothing wrong with that i mean that's a great way to start really you know it's just no one can teach you how to do comedy no no i gotta kind of figure out how to do it on your own like i, I've seen comedy classes where they, you know, they give people bad advice, though, where they're telling somebody, like, the worst is, like, club owners. Like, Jamie Masada told my friend Todd once, you have to be Generation X guy. You're a Generation X guy. When you go on stage, what you're going to do is only talk about Generation X.

My generation, Generation X, we think this, and you do that. And the kid was like, fuck, do I have to do this? Like, if I don't do this, this guy's not gonna let me get on stage. Like, the worst fucking possible advice, you know, like, who's gonna make it with the Generation X guy? Fucking, how long is that gonna last? He told Tony that he, he's like, tony you need to wear a uh a cowboy hat you wear cowboy hat you look like woody from toy story fucking shitty advice the guy owns a comedy club yeah when you find out that he's the guy that

introduced michael jackson those kids he molested allegedly oh yeah because he used to he used to work with all those dying kids. Yeah, unfortunately. He's the in-between guy. This is Corey Feldman, tight asshole. I don't think he said that. I don't think he introduced him to Corey Feldman either. Corey Feldman wasn't dying of a disease as far as I know.

That's true. But now you're fucking touring, you're doing the road, you're killing it everywhere. I see you're fucking touring. You're doing the road. You're killing it everywhere. I see you everywhere. Everywhere I'm at. Improves, all that shit.

You're doing great. Yeah, knock on wood. It's been good. It's been good kind of getting myself involved with the clubs. Did you start out at the store? You started out in LA? I started out in Los Angeles, 1998. I did comedy at my college.

I went to Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, and they had a comedy contest where you auditioned in front of the student council, and then I got to open up for the national headlining comedian. Whoa. Who was that? I did that. Reese. What's his name? His last name was Reese. I forgot. He used to do this thing. He used to go up on stage and go, urrr. I don't know. It was like a... Yeah, like a growl. I don't know.

That was his, like, moniker. Oh, okay. So he was the guy. So I go on stage just as in, like, you know, like a college 400-seater. It's like a free show for the students primarily a black crowd i go on stage and i start to do my act and i'm starting to hear sandman i didn't know what the hell sandman was at the time but i found out later at showtime at the apollo that's what they call when they want the guy to come out with the hook the sand oh no. Oh, no. But I'm like, I'm going through this going,

what is that? Is there another guy coming out? What is Sandman? So it was bad. It was a bad experience. But I knew, I just knew I had an ability to make people laugh. Maybe not yet on stage. It was primarily based on my family.

If I was making my family laugh, particularly my mother, if she was laughing, I knew that I had some ability to make people laugh. I was just kind of trying to find it on stage. It's a weird fucking journey, you know? It's a very weird journey. The journey of trying to figure out what it is and how to do it, which way to go, you know? And you can go the wrong way for a long time and then have to bring it back. You know, like there's guys that create characters like Emo Phillips. You know, he, he had this character that he would do on stage, which is great until you're

60, which he is now. He's like an old dude and now he can't do that character anymore. So you go to see Emo Phillips if like you were a fan of his in the eighties and you're like, yeah, we're going to go see E fan of his in the 80s and you're like, yeah, we're gonna go see Emo. And you see him now and you're like, um, what's going on?

Like, he's just talking. Yeah. Like, he's not doing the character thing. I'm surprised it still works on Dice because it doesn't seem like it should

but it does. Oh, it's universal. It still works. That will last forever. Yeah. That will last forever. You know why? Because he has become that guy.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's the guy. He's that guy. He's last forever. You know why? Because he has become that guy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's the guy. He's that guy. He's the guy. He does it, you know, if anybody saw him in the early days when he was Andrew Silverstein, the Dice character was one of the guys that he would do in his act. He had a bunch of characters.

He would do John Travolta. He does an incredible John Travolta impression. He would do all these things. He would sing. He would have all these different, like, pieces of his his act and then he would do the Dice Man and the Dice Man Was based apparently on the Nutty Professor with Jerry Lewis like Jerry Lewis would become He was like this Nutty Professor and they would become this really fucking cool guy Who would smoke cigarettes and the chicks all fawned over him so he became like that guy

But now there's the blurred line between who he was, like Andrew Silverstein and then the Dice Man. He's, that's gone. He is the Dice Man now. You run into him at fucking Ralph's. He's got weightlifting gloves on. He's got, he taught me how to get this fanny pack. I did not know.

This is the Roots fanny pack. This is the one I sell on higherprimate.com. I found out about this from Dice. That's a Dice recommendation? That's right. He came in with it. He came in with sweatpants, with this fucking beautiful, glorious fanny pack. And I go, where did you get that?

He goes, that's nice, right? I'm like, that's fucking gorgeous. That's the greatest fanny pack I've ever seen. He goes, oh, it's the best. It's the best one. He's like, show me all the features. Look, this one's got a little buckle. This has got a zipper Whoa, it is the best but he's that guy now that really is who he is He's like all the time 24-hour you call him up in the middle of the night. He's Dice Man

Yeah, he became that guy Yeah, we I opened up for him for like two three years really yeah He picked me out of the comedy store. He came up to me and at first he goes, you know what you should do? I said, what? When you go on stage, put a sock in your pants and then you'll be like the comedian who's just got a big cock. And then you'll be like the comedian who's just got a big cock.

And this is like my guy I looked up to. And he's telling me. And then I actually went home that night going, should I do that? Should I be cock guy? Cock guy. So anyway, we developed this kind of weird little friendship, and he asked me if I wanted to go do Las Vegas with him at the Stardust Hotel. And I'm like, I call my parents. I go, I'm opening up for Dice Clay at the Stardust.

My mom was like, you made it. You made it. Wow. So they all came out to see, and I hung out with them on the road. And the first time we played Vegas, I'm like, I can't believe I'm here, Wayne Newton Theater. I wonder what we're going to do. I'm excited.

We'll probably go out and dinner and go out to a club, hang by the pool, probably got a cabana. And he goes, we're going furniture shopping today. I go, what? We're in Las Vegas. So we went furniture shopping because he had a house out there, and he was furnishing his house. So we would go to furniture stores, and he would tell me,

sit on the couch. That's it. What do you think? I go, it's a grand, guy. It's better than anything I got at my house. It's fantastic. And we would go to eat i mean this was a process we were laying on carpets to see if the carpet was comfortable and uh i'm like uh okay i

guess this is what you you do this is my first time on the road and we're furniture shopping let's go out and like maybe the casino maybe go for dinner he's like you're kidding me it's like the beatles if i go out there it's like casino maybe go for dinner he's like you're kidding me it's like the beatles if i go out there it's like the beatles it's like mania people are going to lose their mind let's try it and sure enough we went to the casino he had his the glasses he had like some big glitter ball on his back of his jacket and gloves and we went through the venetian and it was like it was fantastic it was like, it was fantastic. It was like, oh, wow, this is what he's talking about. Swarm him, right?

Swarm him. He's got like a loyal fan base. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. I went to see him. Me and Jimmy Norton and Brian and who else? Anthony Cumia from Opie and Anthony and Bobby Kelly. And we all went to, Anthony and Jimmy Norton were in town for the fights,

and I had the night off. We had the night off, so we found out Dice was in town. So we're like, fuck, let's go see Dice. Let's go see Dice at the Riviera. So like, which is classic old Vegas. You know, that was the first place I ever worked in Vegas. So we went there.

We went to the, you know, they have the upper showroom, like the bigger showroom where they have, they used to have the drag queen show. You know, Frank Marino used to do the drag queen show, the famous drag queen show. So we went up there. We had a fucking great time. We had a great time. It was really fun.

It was really fun. It was fun to sit there in the audience and just howl, just howl laughing. And his set was great. It was really funny. We had a good time. And then he was like, oh, happy to see us. And his set was great. It was really funny. We had a good time. And then he was like, oh, happy to see us. We went backstage. We're hanging out with him.

And it was cool. It was really cool. His son does drums. Son plays drums. Oh, yeah, they've got a great band. I went to go see their band about four months ago here in the Valley. And great band. And he taught me a lot.

I mean, we'd have, like, long discussions at night because he didn't really sleep. And we'd say, come by, let's talk. He didn't sleep? Well, you know, he was up a lot i mean he was we'd have like long discussions at night because he didn't really sleep and we'd come come by let's talk and he didn't sleep well you know he's up a lot you know i don't know for for a comedian i go to bed early and he was up what time you go to bed um 11 30. you don't have kids right no not yet not yet newly married 30. 11 30. the is that i'm going to be weird i don't get anything i don weird. I don't get anything. What the hell is that? I don't get anything done until my kids are asleep. Like, I try, like, either I can only write when they're at school or when they're asleep. That's the only time I can get things done.

Because otherwise, it's like, Daddy, come do this. Daddy, I want to do that. Daddy, come do this. What do you think of this? It's like, so I don't even try. Like, during the day when I'm with them, it's just playtime with the kids or hanging out. We do art together. We do a lot of drawing together.

But at nighttime, that's when I get my shit done. So from 9 p.m. on, if I don't have a set from 9 p.m. on, I'm writing. That's when I do my writing. That's when I watch documentaries, all that shit. I get it all done at night. So oftentimes, I don't go to bed until 3, 4 o'clock in the morning. Oh, wow. Yeah, I know you're late late it's pretty normal for me

yeah 4 or 5 4 or 5? he's like Comedy Store till 2 and then Meth and then Hookers

and then Tinder and then Grindr when Tinder doesn't work out so you're all over the meth yeah so Dice would be up like super late. Come on. He's telling me you can't look at other people's career.

You've got your own path. That's good advice. You can't be upset if somebody else gets something. It just really taught me kind of how to. The only thing you have control of is how you perform and write. Anything else is up in the up and that's very good advice because that is a lot of waste and energy oh yeah that a lot of comedians have worrying about other people's sets and worrying about other people's careers

like why is that guy getting this yeah why is she why is she on this fucking show how come he got a thing or this and that nothing to do with we've all seen that though those guys they get poisoned by other people's success and those guys they always wind up failing, too. Like, it falls apart. Like, jealousy is a poison that only does the opposite of what you want it to do. Instead of, like, when you're jealous about somebody else's career, it doesn't do anything bad to them. But it does something bad to you.

Like, it poisons you. It's weird. Like, people think, fuck that guy. He's got this fucking TV show. He's not even fucking funny, you know? I remember when he first started and I was fucking middling and he was an open mic-er. Like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He's on TV now and you're here.

Here's you. Yeah. When the guy says, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mike Custerfuck, and you go on stage, that's your time, dude. That's it. All that shit in between, don't do that. It's not good. It's a waste. It's not good. Dice gave me some good advice, too.

Dice is the reason why I started going on the road. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. I was doing just the store. I would just do the store. And then somewhere in the 90s when I was on news radio, Dice goes, you're a funny guy. You should do the road. And I go, yeah? And he goes, yeah. You should do the road. Why don't you do the road? And I go, I don't know. I mean, I'm always working here. He goes, yeah funny guy you should do the road and I go yeah he goes yeah dude a road why don't you do the road and I go I don't know I mean I'm always working here he goes yeah but you know what he goes you got TV shows he goes you're on TV goes but if that goes away he goes you don't want to fucking

need those guys he goes you could do great you could have a great career on the road and I'm thinking like he's fucking right like what if TV shows go away yeah like what if you know news radio gets canceled, and then I can't get another show And then I'm fucked like I should go do the road, and I started doing the road because of dice 100% 100% his advice Now did you fall into news radio and like a did you go audition for that part and get it or yeah? Yeah, I auditioned for it. Yeah, that was totally You were just doing the audition game you booked the show and then and well

I had a show that it was a show that got canceled was called hardball that was on in 94 93 or 94 and it didn't last it only went like six episodes I came out for that but when it when I was an idiot, you know 25 or something whatever the fuck I was 26 and I thought oh, this is definitely gonna go I'm gonna get an apartment so I released an go. I'm going to get an apartment. So I leased an apartment, and then I'm stuck here. Once the show got canceled after six episodes, I was like, oh, great. Now I'm stuck here.

And I didn't know what to do, and I was trying to figure it out. And I said, well, I guess I'll just stay for a while. I was ready to go back to New York. I hated it out here. I hated working with actors. Like, I couldn't believe how pretentious they were and ridiculous and pampered. Like, working with actors was fucking mind-boggling to me. Because I was used to comics.

Yeah. Who, you know, especially like East Coast comics, constantly busting each other's balls, always joking around. And there was like a camaraderie with comics. Like, we would go on the road together. Like, comics would give each other taglines. We'd always say, hey, that was a great set. You know, this and that, blah, blah, blah. with comics like we would go on the road together like comics would give each other taglines we'd always say hey that was a great set you know this and that and you know you would there was like a feeling of like belonging yeah and then all of a sudden i was out here with these actresses like

oh god i can't even i can't even talk to these fucking people they were all backstabby and they were like they were they would fuck with you before you're seen and say creepy shit to you and there was like there was so much weirdness there was just so much weirdness and fakeness they would say things that you know they didn't really mean they would love to say like they meet people they had this fake way of talking like oh nice to see you like it was like there's like this fucking they would pretend to be this person who's like super professional so that they could get hired and do something else. Meanwhile, they were a boiling cauldron of crazy under the surface. Just trying to keep it together until they fucking got into their car and just scream all the way home.

And then pop pills or do whatever the fuck they did. So I got another development deal from the Hardball show. I got a development deal with NBC and I was supposed to do my own show. And then they brought me in. They said said we would like to talk to you about something We got this other show that we're gonna cast where we're replacing one of the characters the original character was Ray Romano Is that right? Yeah, yeah Yeah, Ray Romano was originally in the pilot and then he got fired from the pilot and they brought in a new guy To play the Ray Romano character in the pilot and then he got fired from the pilot and they brought in a new guy to play the Ray Romano character in the pilot and then they got rid of that guy and so I did I felt better because I didn't replace Ray or replace the guy

who replaced Ray and then they had auditions and I came in an audition for it Wow yeah it's amazing stupid dumb luck yeah just dumb luck I remember being at the audition the first one was a cattle call. It was like fucking 100 dudes. And I was like, what are the odds of getting this? Jesus Christ, what are all these fucking people? I did the audition, and it was not funny at all. But they did it on purpose.

They literally wrote a script that wasn't funny because they wanted to make sure people weren't like fucking hamming it up. They wanted to make sure that people didn't try super hard to make something funny. So then I got a callback. And I was like, really? I was like, okay. So I went in for the callback. And this time the script was hilarious.

And I was like, oh, I see what they did. They weeded out all the hams. They weeded out all the huck. And I went to the script. And it was me and two or three other guys that looked like they were about to go to NOM. They were pale and sweaty and nervous and going over their lines. And I remember looking at these guys. I'm like, oh, I got this.

So I plopped down the couch while these guys were going over the lines. I put my fucking feet up. I put my hands behind my head. And I was like, look at you fucking pussies. You guys are going over the lines I put my fucking feet up I put my hands behind my head and I was like look at you fucking pussies You guys are scared and because these guys were scared. I knew these are the only guys that were auditioning I was super confident So I went in there like super relaxed and I nailed it and then I got it But there was just looking at those guys looking at people. They're scared can give you a lot of college. Yeah

Yeah, especially if you hear it from the waiting room. If you hear somebody else's audition, you're like, that ain't even funny. That guy's not even funny in there. Yeah, they were just calm. They were actors, rather. They weren't comics. They didn't know how to, and the writing was really good. So I went from this show that was like the worst case show.

It was a terrible show, the Harbaugh show. It just wasn't good. They brought in this really bad guy who was like an executive producer of it was terrible show the hardball show it just wasn't good They brought in this like really bad guy It was like a executive producer of coach remember that show coach and he was like hamming it up everything was just gross Shitty writing real hacky premises or just garbage show and then from that to working with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and Steven Rood I was like Jesus Christ Hartman and Dave Foley and Steven Rood. I was like, Jesus Christ.

Maura Tierney and Candy Alexander and Vicki Lewis. I was like, this is nuts. Just sitting at the fucking table with Phil Hartman, like reading with Phil Hartman. I've only been doing stand-up for five years. Yeah. And all of a sudden I'm sitting next to Phil Hartman at this table. It's crazy. Reading for this sitcom.

I'm like, this is madness. This doesn't even make sense. Just dumb luck. But you know what? All that stuff was cool, but what was bigger to me was becoming a paid regular at the comedy store. That was the biggest thing to me. Having a sitcom, that's all well and good, but when I became a paid regular

at the store, I was like, holy shit. I remember going back to my apartment. I had an apartment at the oak woods you know those uh those little shitty pre uh pre-fucking furnished apartments i used to go back to that shithole every night after i was a non-paid regular these depressing farted in couches in burbank yeah yeah yeah you know? Yeah. Yeah, that's where I used to live. Corey Haim died there. No. Yeah.

At the Oakwoods? Oakwoods. Really? Yeah. Makes sense. Doing drugs? Yeah. Wow.

All right. Well, I got there first. I got there before he died. Yeah. But once I became a paid regular at the store, that was everything to me. That was, you know, I was in. I was like, you know, you have like these little milestones. Like, you know, like getting a record with Warner Brothers, that was a milestone.

You know, you're like, you have these little things where you're like, okay, I guess I'm doing this. I am actually doing this. Because for a while, you feel like a fraud. You know, for the first few years of your career, you're out there, you know, you just feel like a fraud. And people want you to feel like a fraud, too're out there. You just feel like a fraud. And people want you to feel like a fraud, too. Other comics want you to feel like a fraud. There's a lot of fucking crabs in a bucket going on in our business, especially early. You have crabs in a bucket.

They just try to pull the other crabs down as they try to get out. Yeah, that's why I kind of just stayed. I had a job working at the Four Seasons Hotel while I was doing the stand-up. So I had kind of like a separate group of friends at my job. I didn't really hang out with a lot of comedians at night just because I was so involved at this Four Seasons during the day. And I was hanging out with them after work. Four Seasons out here? Yeah.

Where's that at? At Dandohini. Oh, okay. Burton Way. What'd you do over there? I was in the Windows Lounge. I was a cocktail waitress, basically. I worked with about 10 girls and me and another guy.

Did you put the sock in? Of course. That's how I got the job. Oh! This fucking guy. Oh! So how long did you do that for? Seven and a half years.

Whoa. Yeah, I started in 98, and then I left in 2005. Wow. But, yeah, I mean, that supplemented my income. That was, I wasn't the road guy. I didn't really do a lot of feature work. I just kind of honed it in here in Los Angeles and worked at the Four Seasons in the meantime, just kind of hoping

something would break just doing the comedy store and just local sets. Oh, that's awesome. So where else did you, besides the store? Well, I went to the Laugh Factory and Masada asked me,

why are you angry? Why are you so angry? I go, what? Sam Kinison angry for a reason, but you... Why was Sam Kinison angry for a reason, but you... Why was Sam Kinison angry for a reason? I don't know. He said he had a reason to his anger, and my anger was displaced. Well, you were mad at Ross, Dress for Less.

I remember that bit. You get fucking so angry at the messy Ross. That was my first introduction to LA. I went to Ross Dress for Less with my father to buy, like, bedding. He came out here to visit. He goes, come on, let's go to Ross. Get some pillows. And we walked in.

We're like, what the? What's going on here? Everything's on the floor. So it was a good bit because it is true. Anybody's ever been there. But the bit they used to do the the way you would do it, like, people just take this and just start fucking throwing them. Just chuck it across the room.

So, we're coming from the northwest suburbs of Chicago, you know, very neatly put together stores, and now I went to the Ross on 3rd, and forget it. I mean, it was just, it's like a hodgepodge of stuff over there. There's like a bra mixed in with like games. So it was like, that's where that anger came from of like, God, I feel like a fish out of water. That's the whole thing. When I first came to LA, I didn't feel like I fit in. I feel like I was, you know, I was the guy wearing the Cavaricci's going to a nightclub at 17 years old.

So. I think the key is that everybody feels like they don't fit in you know everybody does in the beginning you can pretend but you never i mean i feel like i fit in now oh yeah it's a long time yeah it takes a while but in the beginning i think everybody feels like they don't fit in i think one of the great things is what you're doing the uh um kill tony that that gives people an introduction to stand up and an introduction to like you know like you're in the big leagues like real real quick like you're on a podcast that gets seen by or listened to by hundreds of thousands

of people and you're there with don marrera judging you and tony hinchcliffe and sarah silverman and all these different people that are really funny comedians are up watching you do stand up, putting you in these like super high pressure situations. You're doing one minute in front of a microphone and then you kind of get to say hi to those people. They become, they seem like normal. I wish I had it when I was a kid or when I started off because I, you know, that's so good for them because they can have it on tape. They can go over it.

They can have like professional comed comedians dissect what they're doing wrong instead of just doing it in front of two other comics that didn't even pay attention and you just go home and go, I think I did okay. Those are open mic nights where you're doing it. You're doing your act to a bunch of people who have seen your act and they're comics. Ten people in the audience

are all comics. Those are brutal. Half the shows are that. You're an open mic. When I started, it was Chris D'ia dean delray me and would go to the same four different open mics every day and it was just like oh you're my audience last you know hour you know it's the same audience over and over it's just an audience of five other comics that yeah went from one open mic to another yeah Yeah, that's where some comics, they fall into that trap of doing stand-up for the back of the room. They do really obscure shit that only the comics think is funny.

I mean, it's kind of practice in a way. It gives you a way to figure out a way to make something funny out of this moment. But it's not a real crowd. You're kind of fucking around. It's easy to fall into that and never get out of that for a while. I just had to make myself stop. Like, I'm done with this. I'm not going to Ha Ha Cafe anymore and spending $5 to go home to five minutes.

They charge you? Yeah, a lot of places charge you. Ha Ha used to be $5, but you got a beer and you got to do five minutes. And now it's, you don't get a beer. You just have to do five dollars i guess well those clubs are barely hanging on you know i mean even the ice house which is like one of the best clubs in the world they're kind of barely hanging on you know yeah well you got two phones over there for you fuck i got the new samsung note 5 joe oh how is it by the way one of the first phones that

i've ever had that almost i'm almost done with the iPhone after this phone. Really? It's got one of the most amazing cameras. It's got all these really cool things. Look at this. If you're out and you're just like, oh, I need to write a note, you just take the pen out and you can be like, oh, you can just write it right here. On the screen? On the screen. And then you can just

be like, hey, I gotta remember to eat this dick. Oh my god. That's always a problem. to remember to eat this dick. Oh, my God. That's always a problem. Yeah. I got to remember to eat that dick. It's crazy good. I highly recommend this. Really?

And it's got a feature in the camera where you can just broadcast right to YouTube. So kind of like Periscope, you can just be like, boom, I'm broadcasting now on YouTube. What? Yeah. It's built into the camera? Yeah. You could just be like boom. I'm broadcasting now on YouTube what yeah, it's built into the camera Yeah, they've taken they've noticed how popular periscope's been in live apps like that So they've decided just to build it right into the operating system So now you can just broadcast live from it. Why is it better than the edge?

Way better than the edge this this is I love this what's better What's better about it the problem? I had with the edge is that the while the edge was neat to look at, the corners where it's wrapped around the side, I was constantly hitting buttons. It also had a really sharp edge to it, you know, the feel of it, which this doesn't. This is more like an iPhone, so it's nice and soft on the side. Let me feel it. Yeah, you can't beat the camera on the Samsung.

It seems smaller than an iPhone, too. It is smaller than an iPhone. It's thinner than an iPhone, too. It is smaller than an iPhone. It's thinner than an iPhone. Ooh, it's a good size for your hand. My hands are pretty big. Yeah. But I can get this. I could do, like, a one-handed text with this easy.

Yeah, it's great. Wow, dude, this is pretty slick. It also has the ability to edit PDFs. So if somebody sends you a PDF and is like, hey, I need you to print this out and sign it, now you can just edit it right on the fly and send it back, which is cool. I'm just amazed by the camera the most,

though. It was the first time that Samsung or any Galaxy phone actually had a camera that's, I think, better than the iPhone camera. And what are you using for your provider? T-Mobile. And you like that?

I love T-Mobile. I'm on a family plan. Both of these phones, I have unlimited data. I think it's like $99 a month for both phones, unlimited data. I'm looking through your Instagram. It's hilarious who you follow. Brian follows all girls that are sticking their asses out. It's just a slew of girls sticking their asses out.

It's one after the other. All these different skanks. I say skanks. Skanks, we're all due respect. We're all due respect. A bunch of whores. A bunch of whores. Wow, you got a lot of hot girls you're following, my friend.

Oh, yeah. Are you single? No, not anymore. He got himself a girl. Well, he's not married're following, my friend. Oh, yeah. Are you single? No, not anymore. Okay. Got himself a girl. Well, he's not married. Yeah, I'm not married, though. That's the way to go.

Even if you're not single, you're not married. That's the thing about this fucking lady that's not marrying these gay people. Uh-huh. She's doing them a favor. Like, don't do it. What are you doing? You got it made, you fucks. You got it made. Right now, it's illegal. Like, don't do it. What are you doing? You got it made, you fucks. You got it made.

Right now it's illegal. Well, now it is illegal. But for the longest time it was illegal. And these guys had to go in there and fuck it up. I can understand lesbians wanting to get married. It's every girl's dream. But come on. These guys that are fighting for it, it's too hard.

Just say you can't do it. Like, wow, it's like a marathon. I can't do it. I can't run it. just say it say you don't have to do it just do it root style lay a broom on the ground jump over it like like kizzy and uh kunti kinte did joe another cool thing about it say like if say like there's an interview of you and you're like you know what i want to save this interview it's on a website right now or something like that. You circle it. Yeah, it used to be, no, take a screenshot or something. They have this new thing called

Screen Capture where what you do is screenwrite and so what it does is it takes a picture of it, then you can go advance it so it will scroll down automatically, take a picture, take a picture, take a picture. So it'll go through the whole entire website and now it just made it a huge JPEG. So you can have like a whole JPEG saved to your picture. So it'll go through the whole entire website, and now it just made it a huge JPEG.

So you could have a whole JPEG saved to your gallery. So it saves websites, and then you could write on it and send it to people if you wanted to. Is that how the fat Jewish steals all of his stuff? Yeah. That's right. As soon as you took the pen out, it kind of lost me because it just seems like...

Annoying? Well, there's a lot going on, man. There's a lot going on. I mean, I'm not that tech savvy. But you don't have to take that out. You're doing pens. Well, honestly, I always forget that there is a pen. I never take it out.

You never use the pen? No, and the new one just clicks in there, so it just snaps in. Isn't there one that's waterproof, though, now? They have a sport? They have the Samsung S6 edge sport or something like that which is just a built a little bit more tough and it's waterproof again uh i asked about that and he says yeah it's just a more rugged phone but uh this is a little bit how's the battery life on that thing great and it's got the new fast charger i have uh a charging pad now where i just go home

just set it on this table and then pick it up. So I don't have to plug it in anymore. Do you have to put a special case on it to use that fast charge thing? No, the new Samsungs are built into the phone and you don't have to take off a normal case. So if you have a case on it, you don't have to take it off. It just goes through it. So you just sit it down. Are you a convert? I'm just amazed at the knowledge of like, when I listened to the sales guy and tell me the options. I'm not even there I'm just like give me the phone. Let me get out of here. You actually retain the information. Yeah, so I love this shit Well, he goes online and he actually makes videos with these for the longest time before Amazon fucked him He used to have this great thing

He was doing where he would buy something like buy a camera and then he would review it and then put up a link From his Amazon so I give somebody bought it he would get like a cut a kickback oh wow so I get free stuff pretty much because I would just do such good reviews on these cameras that so many people would click on it it would pay for the camera so it was a way for me to get stuff that like cameras and stuff I couldn't afford how come they don't why isn't that happening anymore what happened there I don't know they they said that somebody reported me as saying that I had porn on my website. And so they were like, oh, we can't have porn on the website.

And then so they just took all. I was making, I think, up to $7,000 a month in just that Amazon stuff. But you didn't really have porn on your website, did you? No, it's just because it was Death Squad. And there was an episode that had a girl on it that was a porn star. And so they probably just went there. That's all you need? Yeah.

Fuck. Wow. You were making bank off of that shit. Yeah. You ever try to get back in? I need to. Come on, Amazon. Come on, Amazon.

Look it up. Look it up, you fucks. Now, didn't Apple come out with a bunch of new shit today? Apple came out with a 12-inch iPad. So it's called an iPad Pro, which is just like a 12-inch laptop without a keyboard. They also came with the iPhone 6S, which has a better front-facing camera now. It's got a better processor. It's got the Touch 3D Touch.

What's that called? It reacts when you touch it. You feel it. Yeah, you can feel it. They also released a new Apple TV, which is the thing that I am the most interested in because it is now, it plays games, it does apps, and it's the first one to actually, in the future, you're going to have a Joe Rogan app finally. So when you're opening up your TV, you're like, oh, CNN, oh, Netflix, oh, Joe Rogan. So it's going to be like that. So it's the first step into

Completely destroying the cable industry I think Wow, well I use Apple TV a lot now All the time, that's all I use It's got Netflix on it, it has HBO Go on it You can get to those things With shows like Narco or whatever You don't need anything on regular TV anymore

That alone is just I heard that Narco show is great It's beautiful, it's beautiful. It's like Goodfellas. Is it? It's so great. Did you watch it? I'm halfway in, and I'm like, I'm in.

I mean, anything with drugs, voiceover, a guy with a mustache. Jamie, see if you could find that article that was on Dig yesterday. It was the narco traffickers on Instagram, all the shit. There's a bunch of these Mexican narco guys have Instagram pages. Holy shit Just like they don't give a fuck. They're just showing all the stuff. They have they're showing gold-plated guns Girls asses. It's just fucking them shooting guns stacks of money pet tiger like the whole deal like these guys are Living like a goddamn Scarface movie. They all have Scarface pictures. Like, here's this one guy.

Yeah. That guy's a good guy. Go to that guy's page. If you click on that little Instagram thing, you can go to his page. He's got a... I mean, look, it's all booties, cars. Look at that gold-plated pistol with a BMW. Yeah, you scroll down. You'll see more asses, more cars.

Look at that girl's ass. Jesus, what an ass. Fake as fuck. That's fake as Nancy Reagan's orgasms. Look at that ass. Oh, what the fuck? Nancy Reagan ass. Look at that ass.

That can't be real, right? I don't know. Congratulations if it is real. Well, she's got thick legs. She might be doing squats. A lot of booty shots. Yeah, a lot of. Look, she's got a pet leopard over there.

Did you see the pet leopard? I like that gun. Go back to Instagram. What are you doing? See the pet leopard? Look at that. Pet jaguar, leopard, whatever the fuck it is. What a crazy bitch.

It's nuts. Oh! Boob day! Daddy wants to eat. It's fucking... But these guys are nuts, man. They're just living this crazy life. Just showing all the cool stuff that they have.

Look, he's got a pet leopard on his bed. What the fuck, man? Dope AF. Dope as fuck. Is this all drug money? Mm-hmm, yeah. Look at Scarface. You gotta have a Scarface picture.

Yeah, yeah, there's all drug money. I mean, there's a bunch of them. There's quite a few. There's got a pet tiger down there's a bunch of them There's quite a few there's got a pet tiger down there a pet lion There's quite a few of these guys on Instagram that just only have Look at this guy. It's fucking gold-plated ak-47 This guy's crazy 21,000 followers yep a lot of it's from Instagram look at that guy I mean a lot of it's from the dig story look at that girl with the tits pointing the gun at him.

Wow. Look at that up there. Titties. Titties and guns. Titties and guns and drugs. That's what's up. Only 614 likes. How rude. That deserves a lot more likes. That is a great picture. And they managed to do it with no nipples.

Wow, yeah. That's perfect. Big titties. Those are juicy titties My worst nightmare, haha Yeah, there's a bunch of of her and of guns and all kinds of crazy shit But these guys are out of their fucking mind. I mean this is the life. They're living they're living this nutty Narco life the amount of drug money that's in Mexico right now is just fucking insane. They're making billions. Look at that girl's ass down there.

Look at that girl's ass. Jesus. Jesus, what is that? What a fucking ass. That can't be real. That's a fake one. That's a fake ass. But whatever. There's a lot of that lately.

I was in Vegas last week, I saw a lot of fake asses. Girls are getting carried away. That's the new ass. But whatever. There's a lot of that lately. Yeah. I was in Vegas last week. I saw a lot of fake asses. Girls are getting carried away. That's the new thing, man. You know, they had giant tits in the 90s were really popular. Girls would just get tits that were way too big. That's what they're doing now with their asses. They don't match your legs at all.

You have the legs of a lazy girl and the ass of a fucking major league pulled Vaulter like some girl can jump over the moon bags of weed look at that shitty weed let me see this weed See ladies and gentlemen if weed was legal this guy would not be making this kind of money Simple it's true. It doesn't look that good. It's true. This is what happened to You could tell good weed from just the bags. Oh 100% yeah, 100 yeah that's shit weed yeah i see it looks like leaves and stems well it's just it's just not american californian weed all right we do it the best out here we have botanists all right they're growing that avocado growers are making that shit but these uh these dudes there's a ton of these pages they're fun to watch there's a guy who makes a holster you see cup holder. There's a cup holder holster

It pulls your cup holder off and it fits right in place, and then it's a it's like an actual click in holster for the gun Yeah for your pistol look at that today's Guys got a gun pointing at his dick you might want to unload that Guns. This guy's got a gun pointing at his dick. You might want to unload that. It's interesting, this culture that has kind of come out of nowhere.

When I was a kid, I mean, shit, man, fucking 15 years ago, you used to be able to go to Cancun, you go to Mexico, nobody thought about gang violence from drug dealers in Mexico. You didn't think about it at all. Was this going on at this level level or is it now just the Internet is giving us a window into what was always kind of there no the world of drug dealers in Mexico has changed radically over the last couple decades radically that's pretty established I mean they definitely always had something going on down there there was always something but guys like El Chapo

like that crazy fucker that got out of jail by digging a tunnel that's a mile long with an electric scooter inside of it. They never found him, right? No. They're not going to find that guy. Yeah. He's figured out how to get away now. He paid millions of dollars to have that fucking tunnel made. You're not going to find him.

Beautiful tunnel, too. I mean, it just had everything. I think it had air conditioning down there. Yeah. Lights. It was beautiful. It had lights, ventilation. Figured out how to put that electric bike so it would just zip out of there quick.

So once he got in there, he was gone. And they're waiting for him a mile away in the house. Tell me they didn't know that that was going on. How many people knew that was going on? How many times did they hear digging and they just kept their fucking mouth shut? Well, I mean, it was somebody else's house that he popped out of yeah took a year to dig that tunnel too i mean it's hilarious the guy just goes into the hole in the ground where the shitter is it's got a little tiny wall like this high so that you can't see him taking a shit so that you couldn't see the hole being dug either. And then goes right in and that's it.

All she wrote. He's gone. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, the whole world exists because of illegal drugs. If drugs were legal in this country, there wouldn't be this gigantic demand and this ability to make insane amounts of money from these cartels. Just it's all. But you make drugs legal in the United States, right?

Does the usage spike? No. Not according to other countries not according to Portugal Portugal? Decriminalize everything and they saw a giant drop in HIV infection and giant drop in violent crime giant drop in addiction It's all you can't tell people what to do when it if we were this room okay, this is my example if this room was the whole world or the guys in this room, this is my example, if this room was the whole world, or the guys in this room, and we were all hanging around and Brian wanted to smoke weed, and we're like, hey man, we got fucking laws, you can't smoke weed, we're going to lock you in jail, that would be crazy, right? Who would we be to tell you what you can't do? That's the same thing with the world. We're all just adults. It's one thing whether or not it should be legal for children, I don't think anything that fucks with your mind should be legal

for kids. You know, nothing. Even fucking energy drinks. Like monster energy drinks, red lines, all those crazy things. You shouldn't have, when you're 14 years old, you shouldn't give that to a kid. They'll drink it and get a goddamn heart attack. You shouldn't be able to fuck with their mind. They shouldn't be able to smoke cigarettes. They shouldn't be able to drink alcohol.

All that stuff should be illegal for growing minds because it's dangerous. But once you become an adult, you are, you're as sovereign as I am. I should be able to decide what goes in my body, what I do with my body. As long as it's not hurting you, anybody that tells you differently, they're suppressing your freedom. That's, it's that simple. Do I think you should do heroin do heroin no do I think you should smoke meth no But if you want to do it, well fuck am I to tell you not to do it It's none of my business. It's none of anybody. It's not my business. Tell you just not chew tobacco either I think chewing tobacco is fucking terrible for you

I think smoking is terrible all these things are there's a lot of things that are terrible for you pills popping pills are terrible for You eating shitty food is terrible for you. I'm watching this documentary on sugar right now, and it's blowing me away. It's blowing me away of how much processed sugar is in just what people think is health foods, health drinks, you know, and how much processed sugar is in people's diets. There's a lot of things that are bad for you, but it's up to you to decide what to do and what not to do. I think the problem is when companies lie about what things are good for you or not good for you, like what the tobacco company did for the longest time.

Those tobacco companies lied about nicotine being addictive, cigarettes being addictive. They just lied in order to keep making money. That's bad. You know, that's bad. But once it's all out on the table, who gives a fuck? If you want to smoke cigarettes, who am I? Unless you're my friend. You know, I'll try cigarettes, who am I? Unless you're my friend.

You know, I'll try to talk you out of it if you're my friend. But if you're an adult, do whatever the fuck you want to do. And I think it should be that with everything. Everything. Everything across the board. When it comes to drugs or, I mean, where does the laws come in? I think prostitution, same thing. I think drugs and prostitution are the two stupidest fucking things to

make illegal. Especially prostitution because it's legal to be promiscuous. It's legal for a girl to just have sex with as many guys as she wants. A girl could go to the Mondrian tonight and just suck 50 dicks and no one could say a goddamn thing about it. She can come downstairs, who's next? Who's next? Who wants to do this?

But as soon as she starts getting paid for that, then it's illegal. That's stupid. It's stupid. It's it's dumb Willie D from the ghetto boy said it best you gotta let a hoe be a hoe He said that shit in the early 90s test them have them test like porn stars like once a month or once every 15 days Get a sex sex test. They have to use condoms I mean if you can trade a you know a taco for sex you should be able to use condoms. I mean, if you can trade a taco for sex, you should be able to trade $100 for sex. Exactly.

Exactly. You take a girl out to dinner and she fucks you. I mean, a girl that normally wouldn't fuck you. What is that? Is that prostitution? It kind of is. You buy her a nice gift and she blows you. What is that? Is that prostitution? Would she have blown you without that nice watch you bought her? Probably not.

I know a lot of models that get paid to, like, they'll get 20 models, take them, send them to a party, and, you know, they're just there to make the party look hot, you know, and pretty. But if they sleep with somebody at the party, that's the same thing as, like, you know, being a prostitute. They got paid to, you know, be at this party. Yeah, but it's their choice. They're not exchanging money directly for sex. And if they are, then it becomes illegal. It's fucking stupid.

It's stupid. It's just sex. Sex is great. You should be able to buy it. You should be able to buy it just like you can buy a massage. How come you can buy a haircut? You can't buy a blowjob. It doesn't make any sense.

It's a service. It is. I mean, it shouldn't always be a service. Like, if you love someone, you want to have sex with them, that's not the same, you know? But the idea that sex is only for love, that's some Puritan bullshit. It's stupid. You should be able to do whatever you want, guys and girls. You know, everybody.

The girl that we were talking about, that Tommy Bunz and I was talking about, Ian Edwards and I were in Vegas, and we were coming back, and we ran into this girl that Ian knows. She's a stripper, and she had coffee with us at the airport, the little coffee bean thing, and she was talking about working at the Rhino. I told this story the other day that this girl that she was with said how lucrative do you get? She goes what do you mean? She goes if dudes give me a lot of money. I'll be getting lucrative. I'll go back to the hotel All weekend I mean all flight back how lucrative do you get how lucrative she was talking about her husband?

Who lets guys fuck him. He's gay for pay. Like five guys run a train on him, but they have to give him a lot of money. That should be legal. It should be goddamn legal. That should be illegal. No. Why? What if you were gay?

If you were gay, you would love it. You would love it. If you could pay some guy and fucking have him blow you. He'd be all excited. You should be able to do it if that's what you want. There's no one should be able to stop that. If there's only this four people in this room and Jamie wants to pay you for head. He gets it for free. And you want to blow him. Why should that be bad? It's fucking childish. This is all some ancient Puritan stupidity.

That's all it is. It's just some ancient stupid shit that people have been clinging to forever. No one should be able to tell anybody what to do if it doesn't hurt you. If it doesn't hurt somebody else, if it doesn't hurt other people, you're not victimizing anybody. It's one thing like the sex industry, like sex slaves and underaged sex people. That's a totally different story. Like exploitation. That's a totally different story. Like exploitation. That's a totally different story.

But some girl who just wants to get lucrative. How lucrative do you get? Because I be getting lucrative. You should be able to do whatever you want. We're a bunch of babies. A bunch of grown up babies. You don't fuck around with drugs at all huh listen I've done pot listen me every once in a while we'll fire it up and what's that I feel like you got stuff

that nobody else has what is that is it the only? It's got a glass tip on it. I feel like you got stuff that nobody else has. You're right. I do. What is that? The only time I've seen a cork was in wine. And you got it on... You got to smell it. Just smell it.

You get high just smelling that joint. It has a glass tip in it as a filter. Oh, man. What is this? That's real weed. That's American weed. God damn it. From California.

You never used to do this, right? You never used to be a pot guy. When we were hanging out at the comedy store... 2000. 2000. That's when I started. You flipped over, right? Yeah, no, it smells good. 15 years. 15 years of steady pot abuse.

You smoke pot every day? No. No. Whenever I want to. Well, what does it do for you? A lot of things makes me more creative um makes me um makes me relaxed makes food taste better makes sex feel better makes movies more interesting i love to watch documentaries i get a little baked watch documentaries get nervous wow yeah makes me creative i'll tell you that yeah i come up with a lot of crazy ideas when i'm high like of my best ideas I come up with when I'm high

Let's take a hit and see what happens You want to try it? No, I'm good I feel like if I had that You're right I couldn't drive home Oh, you definitely could Nipples will be out

He'll drive right to Melrose Where's the store? Where's the store? Where's the store? I bought it right here yesterday. I swear I remember it. Like every once in a while, we'll do it. Just, you know, if it's there, me and my wife. Yeah, that's when it's fun.

You do it, you and the wife. Don't get crazy. Don't get paranoid. Take like one hit and you have the best sex ever. You like rediscover each other. So I love it. Especially edibles. A little edible. Just not, don't get terrified. paranoid take like one hit and you have the best sex ever you like rediscover each other so i love it especially edibles a little edible just not don't get terrified you know just you know have a little piece what do you what do you got what's what's the recommendation what do you uh i got

everything i got it all here what do you want you tell me can i get like a little how high do you want to get give me something i could eat with my wife. Okay, Jamie. Well, after the show, we'll hook them up. We got a bunch of stuff here. Yeah? Yeah, people keep giving it to me. I got a bunch of good stuff. These jambos.

These are the shit right here. A whole box of it right here. All right, what's this? We got all kinds of things in here. What are those? Awesomeness. Yeah, that's for you. That's for you.

Don't get crazy, though. Don't eat too much of this. One of the world's healthiest edibles. Listen, cookie though. This is the shit, Jambos. Oh, they're truffles. But, but, but, but, but, I will warn you right now. Gentle baby steps. Like one? Oh, two. Don't even eat the whole thing. Okay. Just take little bites. Find your way. Find your way, Grasshopper. How about this? Look at this. Jesus. Look at this shit.

What's that? Consume half a truffle for the first time. What's that? What's that? What is that? Supercharged butter. It's just butter? What do you put this on?

Toast in the morning? Popcorn. Yes, you do. Put that on your popcorn. You'll fucking go right to Pluto. Really? Yeah, go see Star Wars. When the new Star Wars comes out, melt that butter, bring it with you. Or just use it and look at the old one.

I think it's the new one. Use that and Star Wars will become, you'll be like, first of all, this movie is fake as fuck. But when you take that home, really, trust me, gentle. Gentle meaning just a nibble. Like a fingernail. Like a pinky nibble. Like a fingernail. Like a pinky fingernail. Like a pinky nail. All right.

That's the size piece you want to try. Okay. Don't get crazy. I'm not kidding, man. These things will fuck you up, man. Wow, this is great. It has MCT coconut oil in it, and it's grass-fed. Well, Jambo's is my favorite.

Wow. Because these guys are making, it's all organic, all healthy, no processed sugar, no high fructose corn syrup. Everything they make is like very good for you and puts you on fucking Ludo. Gluten free too. That's right, bitch. No gluten. You don't want gluten when you're getting so high you want to die. It's the last thing you want to do is be thinking about, I had the gluten.

I was doing so good. I think I'm going to go back to gluten free. Wow. I get a fucking problem with pasta, dude. Well, what's the problem? Is it a guinea in me? Is it a stomach issue? I love it. No, it makes you fat. It's not good for you. I'm pretty objective about what happens when I eat food. Like some foods have a reaction that I don't necessarily like. I don't like the physical reaction. If I eat salads, just like a nice healthy salad and a piece of steak or a piece of meat or a piece of fish, I feel

great. I have no problems. But if I eat a big bowl of pasta, like I'm a sucker for linguine with clams, that brick in my stomach, it feels awesome when it's going down. When I'm eating it, I'm like, I can barely breathe. I'm just, it's so good.

It's so good. But after it's over, you're just like, well, your body, your fucking insulin's spiking, and your body's trying to process all that dough that's sitting in the bottom of your stomach, and your body just turns it into straight sugar. I mean, it's really, you might as well be eating bowls of sugar when you eat a big plate of pasta. No, I had a sensitivity test out of like a blood sensitivity, and I have a sensitivity to those products.

And when I do eat it, it's a problem. Listen, I was eating cheese, breads, pasta for years. It had bloatedness and I don't mean to get grand. Gas like you wouldn't believe right and i just thought all right this is part of aging you know just ripping them okay this is what the what happens when you become 40 so i went to get the test and i eliminated out of the diet i dropped some weight and i don't have that, you know, like you're saying. You have a nice salad, nice steak. It's nice. You don't feel exhausted.

But I have a bowl of pasta. Forget it. I'm napping. Yeah. It's so good, though. It's beautiful. Bread is so good. When you go to an Italian restaurant and they come with that bread, they get that basket of bread.

Unlimited bread sticks. And the fucking olive oil. Oh, forget it. Forget it. But it's just so bad for you i mean it's not the worst shit in the world for you but i think i'm gonna give myself just a cheat day a week and then for the rest of the week i think i'm just avoiding gluten from now on i'm gonna well just i'm gonna avoid breads and processed sugars yeah i just uh i work out so much and i take such good care of my body that those things that when I do those Things I'm gonna limit my alcohol consumption to I'm gonna limit my alcohol consumption to one day a week

I've cut mine in half in the last two weeks so like 50 60 drinks a week 70 to 80 drinks What's your drink? Turkey ginger Turt wild turkey and ginger ale? That's your shit? Yeah, ginger ale helps with the stomach. It's not a bad drink. Let's get a drink right now.

Fuck it. God, it sounds... I'm going the other way. I'm just going to drink until I die. I'm going to go Bukowski style. Just fucking get a big fat booty. I was going there for a while. Were you? Yeah, I was just, you know, deep drinking.

You've got to get off the cancer sticks, kid. Yeah, yeah. But drinking was way more, like I've been destroying myself drinking like the last six months. Is it just hanging out at the store? Hanging out at the store, you know, just the shit I've been dealing with, I'm just like, fuck it, I'm just going all in drinking. I've been dealing with. I'm just like, fuck it. I'm just going all in drinking.

But no, and then being out of it, what's really nice is waking up though and just going, oh yeah, I don't have a hangover. I forgot. That's so great. I thought that this morning. I've been waking up at seven in the morning. This morning I woke up,

got the girls ready for school and then took a yoga class and I feel like a winner. I just feel like I'm fucking productive. Why ruin that? Why ruin that with beverages at night? Exactly. I just feel like I'm fucking productive. Why ruin that? Why ruin that with beverages at night? It's hard though at the Comedy Store. I just stopped going to the Comedy Store half the time.

Yeah. You know what though, man? I go and smoke a little weed and drink water. I do that, you know? Because the weed just doesn't affect, especially those vapor pens. I love vapor pens now. That's my new way to do it. Me too, man. No coughing, no nothing, no weirdness. And the ones that fucking Gino has from LA Speedweed.

Jesus, that man has good products. I just did a Playboy interview for him or with him for his business. And he showed me all his new products. He has these pens where, you know, rechargeable batteries. And you just buy a new tank and it's 500 hits per tank. And I think he said it was like 40 bucks or something. It's so much better and you can just do it in public because it doesn't smell like

It smells like strawberries. It's got something that smells like strawberries. People think you're smoking some sort of a tobacco product. And the glass tips that he sells, once you go glass tip, it's really hard to go back to those little paper ones. It's like you start getting spoiled. Glass tips, let me tell you something about glass tips when i grew up in fucking north bergen new jersey there was no glass tips cocksucker you took your fucking weed when the

weed came your way you took what you got fucking kids in that glass tips i got a glass tip i'll stick it right up your ass your fucking glass tips nothing like doing an interview though with a publication like Playboy and then being so stoned though that halfway through you're just like huh what did I talk about did you get stoned before you did the Culture High before you did that interview I was sick before I did the Culture High interview

when I listen to it now I'm like wow my voice is all fucked up I was flying from gig to gig I was in Edmonton doing stand up when I did uh I was flying from gig to gig. I was in Edmonton doing stand-up when I did that That's a great documentary though. Yeah, I just rewatched it Fucking that guy Adam Scorgi. He knows what the fuck and Brett they know what they're doing. They nailed it. What's it called? It's called the culture high culture Yeah, it's about well. They did this documentary called the Union which is all about the the the business of

called the Union which is all about the the business of marijuana in British Columbia and how it's so such a part of the economy if you pulled weed out of British Columbia the economy would fall apart like the like Vancouver like that area is almost entirely dependent upon weed it's a staple of their economy and if you pulled it out of there like the money they would be fucked and it just showed it highlighted the silliness about marijuana illegalization like how crazy it is that grown adults can't have this one drug that has Zero side effects doesn't kill anybody this one drug that has all these medical benefits It's one drug that helps all these kids with autism and people with wasting disease and the glaucoma

Interocular pressure reliever, all these different things that it does for you and it's illegal. But then, you know, look at all the stuff that is legal and how all the side effects of all the shit that marijuana would replace. That's fucking crazy. Well, they went into it way deeper with the culture high and the culture high just showed how fucking insane it is and how much bullshit is being spread about like what we're what? Addiction really is like people say that weed is addicted which is why I got so mad at fucking dr.

Drew I call this addiction nonsense no physical addiction properties in marijuana It just doesn't exist what the addiction is is the same addiction that you would have you were addicted to anything whether it's gambling or jerking Off or fucking people are addicted to all kinds of crazy shit those thrill-seekers like that kid that was on that skateboard Guarantee that kids addicted to adrenaline Yeah, I mean But you when you see the people though that Smoke the marijuana where they're like having a joint and they have a second joint ready just for it that if they didn't have joints It would been something else. Yeah, so that's not it's

Like that with food. Yeah with the foot We know guys that are like that with food that literally they will stuff their fucking faces until they die They just get addicted to food Same thing they pass by a jack-in-the-box. They can't help people they find themselves in that drive in their heart rate It's increasing and they start ordering food. They know they shouldn't eat It's the same thing we people get addicted to shit. It's just a part of being a person. You know? Taking that away from people is just stupid.

You can do whatever you want. If you want to fucking go pole vaulting, you want to walk on a tightrope, you can do it. You can do all that stuff. Do whatever you want to do. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

Open and free. You want to take a little cookie dough, a little fingernail? Be careful. Be careful with that, though. I don't want to see you in a week from now. The way you're talking about this, I ain't doing it. You gotta do it. Because my fingernail might be longer than yours.

Your fingernail. I'll have a little bit and I'll be convulsing in my driveway. You'll be fine. I've just been real nervous for a while. A couple hours. I took a candy flip the other day by mistake. I didn't know what was a candy flip.

I thought it was just ecstasy, but it was acid and ecstasy. And wow, highly recommend that. That is cool. Don't tell that to the kids. What about the children? Allegedly. See, that's another thing. How come that's not legal?

How come what you did is illegal? I don't know. There should be places where you can go and you could legally candy flip. Yeah. Like there's doctors there, padded walls, the whole deal. That's great. What a great combo having hallucinogens with something that makes your body feel amazing. I mean, I just sat there and soaked in the girl the whole time.

We were just like, ah. It was great. There you go. Look at that. See? Hey, I'm learning stuff left and right. Candy flip. You never heard about that?

Come on, Joe. I don't live in these circles. Come on. What circles do you live in? Bunch of waiters? Sitting around talking about nipple shirts? Furniture shopping with dice. It's the best thing you could do with your wife or girlfriend.

It's because it's just like truth serum. And then you add the acid to it. Now it's like you're in Alice in Wonderland. I can't do this, man. Too much? Too much truth? Too much. And it's just too much going on.

I've always had a fear of doing any of these things because I feel the time I do it, my body reacts to it, and people are going to go, we've never seen this happen before with a candy flip. Guy's foaming at the mouth and he's losing blood. That's the... I've always had that fear, so I don't do any of it. I just have a nice cabernet, and we call it a night. That's my candy that's not great

And that was that's that's the end of that if you get crazy. You'll take a shot of Jack. I like yeah, like Patron That's my patron Very smooth especially when it's cold Yeah, that's all I got says about as far as I go no coke no never did it never never never Why do I talk about your fingernails then how do you then? What do you mean? I saw his fingernail. Mine's longer. No. Coke now.

No. No, yeah. A little bit. My fingernail's a little bit longer. Could be a little longer. No, I've never done it. I did, I did, what did I do? I did mushrooms once in college.

Only once? Yeah. And I don't know what was going on. I had a full, I was freaking out and people had to talk me down and I don't know what was going on. I had a full, I was freaking out, and people had to talk me down. I don't know what was going on. So I was like, this ain't for me. You ate too much.

Yeah. Well, they gave me it in a sandwich. And the guy, apparently when you first do this stuff, you're supposed to do it with somebody. And the guy left me. And I was the president of my fraternity at the time. So I'm walking around the house, and the alumni is going, what's going on with the chapter? Why are we in debt?

And I'm like sweating. And I had to go back to my room and by myself was in the room hoping that this kind of would end. Because I thought I was going to be this way for the rest of my life. That's where I was. So I was like, I ain't doing this. This ain't for me. And ever since then, a little wine. A little Cabernet.

A little Cabernet. And we'll call it a night. I'll do a jambo with my wife maybe on vacation. We'll see how this does. You guys can have a little bit of that. Just take a half. Yeah. No, no, no.

Don't listen to him. A bag. You know what you want? Here, this is a good measurement. The top of a USB stick. Oh, is that the... That metal piece? That's the...

That's the standard. That's what you want. That's what you want. All right. Nothing bigger than that. Look at that and chop that off. Cut that off. Cut that off.

Cut that size of a piece off. All right. And then take a little time. Like, give it an hour and a half. And then if you feel like, I can go deeper, then take one and a half of those. don't get crazy where people fuck up as they go too deep and then they never want to do it again they miss all the benefits girls that don't smoke weed usually have oh every time i smoke i have a panic attack how much do you smoke oh like a joint and i'm like

yeah why didn't you just have one hit if you don't smoke weed and you get into this California shit that Gino's pushing, but it's a psychedelic. It really is. I mean, this new marijuana in the right dose is absolutely a psychedelic, especially if you eat it. I see some insane shit in my tank when I eat the weed. I get the wild, wild visualizations. I mean, it might as well be on mushrooms.

You know, the combination of the sensory deprivation tank and then the weed together. No yoga, Sebastian? No nothing? You're fit. You look like a fit guy. A little working out. I keep in shape, but I'd like to get into yoga. The older I get, the more I think I should get into yoga. I have severe back problems it'll help yeah tremendously i've heard the it's great for the back yeah and uh you know my posture

i'm slumping i feel like i'm i'm like devolving do you live in the city where do you live i live west hollywood area yeah there's a great uh that beak rooms yoga on la cienega that's the beak room that crazy fucker who's um like he's's always been charged with sexual assault and all kinds of weird shit. I don't know what the fuck the guy did or didn't do, but highly regarded as a yoga instructor. Supposed to be kind of a douchey human. That's the heat? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hot yoga. Yeah, that's what I do. I do that stuff. You know, one of the reasons why I do it is because Rhonda Patrick, the doctor that I have on the podcast a bunch of times, she talks about the benefits of sauna, about heat shock, like heat shock proteins. And when your body heats up like that, there's like there's a compensatory response that you're, you know, your body's like, holy shit, we're dying. Like we have to produce like something to deal with this. And that that response, I guarantee you that's a similar thing

to what you get when you do hot yoga because when i do that shit i'm high for like the rest of the day it sucks while you're doing it man whatever bitch you have in you that fucking last 15 20 minutes a yoga class will pull it out because those that's the hardest one of the hardest things i do is the last like it's an hour and a half class the last 15 20 minutes I am fucking sweating like a pig I'm heat overheating like crazy But when you get out of there you feel like you really did something and you feel great you feel like loose and pliable I need that I need that pliability. I feel tight and

Yeah, especially as you get older. Yeah, just smell like butt in there though. Is it just a butts everywhere? No ass I try to not let's try to keep to myself Yeah, especially as you get older. Does it just smell like butt in there, though? Is it just butts everywhere? No. Just ass smell? I try to keep to myself. Stick my nose in people's asses. It smells like housewives, mostly. Housewives are tougher than you think, dude. Good butt.

Oh, there's some pretty girls. Yeah, pretty girls do yoga. That's one of the benefits of it. You get something to look at. Yeah, I got to get into more alternative type of stuff. I mean, you know, I'm still going to the gym lifting the weights stretching so you're so important I don't do it at how old you know 42. Yeah, see as you get older That is the one thing that really fucks with you is flexibility spinal flexibility is a big one mobility

You know and a lot of people they don't work on that It's not fun. You know it's fun to go and do some curls and then look at yourself. I'm a man. You know, that's fun. It's easy. Yeah. But it's not easy doing yoga. Would you do yoga?

Yeah. I like yoga. I wouldn't do hot yoga, though. Why not? I just don't like it. I did hot yoga once with my ex, like, a long time ago. Yeah. It was awful.

It was just miserable. Yeah, that's the point. Yeah. It's not supposed to be fun. I think regular yoga though would be fine, but I don't know. Sweat out the candy flow. How come you don't do it? But if you like, in an ideal world,

if you could step outside yourself, if you were like giving yourself advice and you were like, you know, Brian Redband You need to get your shit together. I'm gonna help you and this is what I'm prescribed What would you prescribe that you should do move from LA? It's hard living here it's very stressful to live here in one way Money wise and stuff like that paying bills bills. Well, you're irresponsible. I'm super irresponsible, too.

You don't pay your taxes. You blow every penny you have. There's a lot of issues with you that have nothing to do with the cost of living in Burbank. Right. Having DeskWad Studio and all that, that's like $2,000 a month that I'm just fucking throwing away. Why does that cost so much? Rent, insurance, internet, all the crap that goes with it. Why don't you have ads on your podcast like what is wrong with you? That seems so silly that would fix all that like that. Yeah

Exactly it's yeah, I don't have a staff. I have nobody I just staff I need a staff to to work out deals and to make sure things happen and things like that No, you don't you get an agent Agents yeah, I know I have none of that though So but that's easy to get like this podcast agents if you have like you know a certain amount of downloads per month There's people that have less downloads than you that get agents. Yeah. Well, I'm sure it's easy It's just that right now. It's just like so much stress with other things, you know going on So gotta take care of your fucking house. Keep your house in order son. I hate it. You hate what I hate all this one No, yeah, I hate all this more work. It's like it's like I want to be creative

I don't want to be like filing papers and like getting you know doing all this crap this guy was a fucking waitress Okay This guy was a fucking waitress. I know what this Nick was. Okay. He was a waitress until 2005. I used to do the same thing. I waited for 11 years. Why don't you do enough? It's so great. Well, no. It's like what I was saying.

It's actually relaxing that. That's very fun because you sleep with everyone that works at the restaurant. How dare you. When you're a waiter, you just pretty much hang out with those people. It's like having a different family, like a comedy family, like you said. I've done that for a while. But that's a different life, though. It's basic.

It's nice. That's a nice, basic life instead of having to deal with all this crap. Well, I mean, there's nothing wrong. I don't think there's anything wrong getting a job, supplementing your income while you're being creative. your income while you're being creative right for for for me it allowed me to do a lot of things that i probably couldn't if i was just relying on comedy comedy income sure oh absolutely yeah i mean it's a fucking grind man it's a grind the early days especially i used to deliver newspapers that was my gig oh yeah yeah get up every morning that's when i lived in boston the problem with that is you can't go on the road

because you can't leave because you have to do the road. Yeah. But there's a lot of different fucking gigs that you can get as a struggling comedian in L.A., you know? Especially now. I mean, there's a lot of opportunities out there. I mean, I think if Uber was around when I was coming up, I definitely would have been an Uber driver,

and I would have kept my car unbelievably clean. I always used to take pride in cleaning my car. Just the way it smelled, vacuuming, nice. You don't do that now? Oh, yeah. I constantly do it. Everything is clean. You're a clean guy, huh?

I like being clean. What's that about? I don't know. I just grew up in this house where, you know, plastic on the furniture. No, not not we weren't that No, I'm telling my uncles and aunts. They lived in the basement with the plastic not my house my house You could go wherever you wanted to go, but it was clean How did that ever happen the plastic in the furniture in the you don't use it. You don't use it It's they got kitchens that they don't use.

Upstairs, it's a showpiece. Yeah, what is that? I don't know. I don't know. I think that's, I don't know, because you go to Italy, they ain't living in the basement. They're using whatever they got. Apparently, they came here, and now there's two kitchens. There's one upstairs, and there's one downstairs.

I had an aunt, you walk in, you didn't even go up, they had like a rope. You couldn't even go into that kitchen upstairs. She had a rope? Rope. Like a line at a club? Yeah, almost like a velvet rope that they hooked that you couldn't even get into that area. You went right downstairs, and then they lived right in the basement.

Wow. So I don't know what it was. How strange. It was strange. And the whole thing with the uncle, my uncle really taught me how to be clean. That was the whole thing. He always kept his car immaculate, and I was fascinated by it. Just fascinated.

What kind of car? He drove a Cadillac. Of course. And how he used to make it smell good was he used to take a little towel, cut it into squares, and then roll up the little squares, put them in cologne, and let that marinate overnight. Oh, my God.

Then in the morning... This is it! And then he took it and he put it in the vents of the car underneath, right? And then when he put the air or the heat on your car throughout the night that's so stinky that stuff is so nasty this is crazy this is 80. that's hilarious that's so funny so i was just to be fascinated how i used to keep things everything was very meticulous so and to this, I kind of like to keep my car clean.

Everybody does. Come on. Don't you? I mean, I see you pull up and you've got a nice clean car. It's full of shit. Some of my cars are clean. The Corvette's always clean. Your uncle was ahead of his time because they have new cars now that actually have that as an option.

They have like a scent that you can plug in. Like the new BMW 7 Series has several different scents. And you turn them on and they slowly like filter into the car. That's great. Yeah, they have like a woodsy scent. But meanwhile, how much cancer are you getting from that stuff? Breathing in some fucking fake smell that they pumped into your lungs. If you can smell it in, you're inhaling it.

That's a great idea. Whatever it is. It is a great idea. As could smell it in you're inhaling it It is a great idea as long as it doesn't kill you it's a great idea It's probably just the same stuff that they spray in like the car wash when you went new car cherry Yeah, maybe but the problem is it's going through the vent and so like it's in the air I would like to have a particle analysis of what that stuff is actually doing. I like the smell of leather I like the smell of a new car like the new leather smell. I don't need like forest smells. Yeah, I know Unicorn farts, I don't need that and you know Daisies it smells like days what am I outside or a man inside? I'm in the car right if I want to smell daisies. I'll go sit in a daisy field daisies even smell much daisies

Yeah, do they smell good what does yeah anyway anything else to add sebastian anything else to add um no i don't know anybody that died from smelling your car that sounds so gross though i bet there's a lot of rape victims that will argue argue against that i had that stuff for a while. Again, why did I have it? Because I was trying to get laid. That's why. So you no longer wear cologne?

No. How dare you? Do you? What do you wear? Do you wear a dracar? Not, no. I'm a fucking man. Wow.

I smell like a man. You smell like a man. So cologne is not manly? No. No? No. Nope. No, it's like perfume. It's guy perfume. It's just a little hint.

I've often heard this. You're not going to like this. Put a little cologne on your hand, right? Shake somebody's hand. It's like your business card. They go home. Is that him? Is that her? What the fuck? business card they go home That's disgusting I heard that somebody told me

Person's fucking crazy you don't want to do that That's why people come home and they're like wait. do you smell like that? Oh, I shook Sebastian's hand. Give him knuckles. From now on, only knuckles. That's how Hallie Mandela got started with knuckles. Somebody snuck him a Sebastian Dracar handshake. Sebastian business card. That's a great idea.

I got to get out of here. So for your website, what's your website? Sebastianlive.com. Sebastianlive.com. You on the road anytime soon? Yeah, I'm going to Hampton Beach, New Hampshire. Oh, shit's your website? Sebastianlive.com. Sebastianlive.com. You on the road anytime soon? Yeah, I'm going to Hampton Beach, New Hampshire this Friday. Oh, shit, the casino? You doing a casino up there?

I've done that. That's fun. It's a fun gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't wait to do it. I saw George Carlin there. Did you? Yeah, when I was an open mic-er.

Wow. Fuck yeah. Foxwoods? You doing Foxwoods too? That will make you want to jump through a fucking window. That's a terrible gig. Oof. That Foxwoods is rough. That's in the middle of nowhere, window. That's a terrible gig. Oof. That Foxwoods is rough.

That's in the middle of nowhere, man. That's a dark, dark crowd. SebastianComedy.com? SebastianComedy. SebastianLive.com and Pete and Sebastian Show. We've got a little podcast that we do as well. Oh, I didn't know you had a... Who's...

Who are you with? Pete Correale. Oh, that's great. Oh, okay. Cool. Beautiful. Okay. Sebastian Comedy on Twitter

and Brian's show is tonight at the Comedy Store. Again, Jim Florentine, Dom Herrera, Ben Gleib, Steve Agee, Dean Del Rey, Brian Moses, Brian Redband, Mike Lawrence, Tony Hinchcliffe, Mark Serratella, and secret guests.

Two secret guests. And that's it, you fucks. We'll see you guys next week and It's Tony Hinchcliffe, Mark Serratella, and Secret Guest. Two Secret Guests. And that's it, you fucks. We'll see you guys next week. And bye-bye. Big kiss. Thank you.