The Joe Rogan Experience - #699 - Donald Cerrone

Episode Date: September 22, 2015

Donald Cerrone is a professional mixed martial artist and former professional kickboxer currently competing in the UFC's lightweight division.

Alright, we're live. We've been talking about doing this for a while. We have, we have. I'm glad we finally pulled it off. It's about time. What are you doing in town? I, um, well I came here and did a little surfing. Ah. Started off the plane.

Um, then I had to do a UFC thing where I did a trained, um, Blake Griffin this morning, this afternoon. Oh, okay, I saw that picture. Yeah, so, uh, uh you're doing mixing it up mma he's showing me some how to dunk over a car and i was teaching him how to whip some ass when you see a guy like that that's like a giant athlete like that don't you want to go man you have a fucking great radio voice i've never heard the rate i mean the radio voice your stand-up you're fucking man now you're-up, you're fucking... This is my conversation voice.

Well, if we were at dinner, I'd have the same voice. Okay, gotcha. You're like, and next on the stage, Destiny coming to the main stage. $14 kamikazes. Nice and smooth.

When you see a dude like that, you want to tell him, man, with that fucking body, you could be heavyweight champion of the world. $14 kamikazes. Nice and smooth. When you see a dude like that, do you want to tell him, man, with that fucking body, you could be heavyweight champion of the world. That's what I was telling him. I was like, you're huge. Your grips, everything about you was just massive.

But when we were doing some underovers and some wrestling, I think he was kind of like letting me. I felt like he was limping arm me. I was like, you little pussy-like fucking man, give me, you know what I mean? Like, don't fucking big brother me right now. Like, don't give me the, oh, I'm just a little kid. So then once I fucking gave him that talk,

then he stepped it up a little bit. I was like, yeah, don't do that to me, motherfucker. I'm a grown-ass man. I'm fucking six foot tall. I'll fuck you up. Don't limp arm me right now is how to tell him. It's funny because you are six foot tall, but when you stand next to him,

you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. How tall is that dude? He's 6'10". Jesus Christ. 6'10", man. It was funny. I was telling him, how you're so coordinated on the court,

and then you put some fucking gloves on, and you can't, what the, what the fuck? Like, one, one, two, like, we were just going, like, come on. It's a whole different thing, man. And then he had his management come up to me and tell me he doesn't want a knee or kick. And so, of course, we fucking need a kick, because you can't tell me what you can't do. Does he have fucked up knees or something? Who knows?

I have no idea. But he, no, he just, and he didn't want to be to be embarrassed like when you do something that you're not good out right You want to do it people especially cameras, and you know so he? Know we did it a lot of those guys have fucked up knees right? Yeah, everybody is fucked up no biggie is huge. That's a giant, dude Yeah, if you could teach that guy how to kick, Jesus Christ. Fucking knee. I mean, the dude could dunk over a car. So I jumped.

So I jumped knee. It was fun. Yeah, I can only imagine. I can only imagine. But those guys, there's so much more money in the NBA, and you don't have to get your ass kicked. So I told him, I said, hey, man, I need you to go to the NBA and tell them you guys need enforcers like hockey. I'll be your man. you know what I'm saying? So you tell me you go out there and say,

yo, cowboy fucking number 23 keeps hitting me in the ribs. You know, I don't like that. And I'll go out there and I'll just ice the fool right there on the middle of the court. It is weird that hockey is the only sport where you're allowed to beat people up in the middle of the game. Yeah, my buddy Scott Parker, I mean, he is the enforcer for the Colorado Avs. Well, he's retired now, but, I mean, that was his that was his job so you know he would tell me he was like mentally had to prepare like him and i talk a lot about just the preparation of fighting and how he'd get game ready because he knew he was fighting whoever was the other enforcers or he'd be ready and it's cool

like interacting with him in that sense but yeah they like promote it like oh you're messing with my goalie or all your so they send out the enforcer like it's just it's because It's Canadian. What a cool job. It's a great job fuck like on your Joe get get him in here It's just funny that no other sport make any other sport if you fight you're not just ejected for the game You're subject to penalties you might get suspended and hockey it's a normal thing yeah i mean if you're if you if for instance you play just hauled off and jump need someone's whole face off in the middle of the game that would be huge and then they'd be in big

trouble do you think it's because hockey like they're not that stable because you're on skates like it takes a lot of fucking skate knowledge to be able to brawl while you're on skates. I can barely fucking stand on skates. I don't know how to ice skate. No. I'm terrible at it. I did it about two years ago and thought I was cool. Tried to do the hockey stop. Fucking caught the edge.

Bam! Affed out on the fucking ice. That was the end of my hockey dream. Yeah, I'm not a skater. Let alone be a fighter. Yeah, I have no idea. Well, I would imagine if you could teach a dude, like a dude who's not a little skater fighting. Yeah, I have no idea So I would imagine if you could teach a dude like a dude who's like a figure skater teach him some like real good kicks You could fuck somebody out, but you're not allowed to do that, right? You can't just like figure skate wheel kick someone's fucking head off

juggler done I don't think they can raise either knee or anything. I can't bring the skates off. You can't keep your feet down. What about a Superman punch? It wouldn't be effective. They wouldn't even know that you were throwing a kick. I mean, unless you came at them like Thor in the movie, Troy. Skish, skish, skush, skush, and you fucking iced him, you know what I mean? So, like a trick, like a trick. Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, it would have to be something no one expected. It would have to, yeah. It is just weird that they don't have that in basketball. If basketball becomes less and less popular, maybe they would have to bring it in. So did you know in hockey, the enforcers can't wear a face mask? Oh, really? They can only wear a helmet with no guard. It's like a penalty if they do.

That's interesting. So they can't take punishment. That makes sense. Yeah. So if one guy had it on and one guy didn't. Exactly. So they have to both not have it. But still, they just grab and just throttle, punch through the plastic.

And that's insane, right? Yeah, it is kind of insane. Insane. Yeah. It's a fucked up job. That's a weird gray area sport. But I think a lot of it is also because it's Canadian. Canada, they're just, there's more men up there.

All right, I'll give you that. You know what I'm saying? Sure, sure. It's like there's a lot of pussies in America. I mean, there's a lot of men in America. A lot of pussies in America. There's a lot of pussies, yeah. And in Canada, I think fistfights are more a normal thing.

Like, think about if we were back pre-biblical, and we were in a, like, now. Pre-biblical, Jesus. Okay, I'm going to throw my head in there. You're wrapping around this, right? Pre-biblical. Pre-biblical and we're in a like now cool right okay I'm gonna throw my head in here you're wrapping around this right free biblical okay and all these pussies you think I mean women us alpha males would have we would just go and like I think I'm gonna take your girl and beat his ass and the problem with that is you can never fucking sleep those days man like the the Mongol days and shit like well you never sleep you know you would hear footsteps, you're like, oh,

fucking great. You look out your window, there's a thousand dudes on horses coming over the hill. Yeah, I wish I motherfucking would. But those wish I motherfucking would days, the Mongols, they're fucking just shooting arrows, no one has a gun, they're fucking launching people on catapults. Those kind of fights take a long time.

You know, we got, we don't time. Maybe they just barely came with arrows. Swords, definitely. When did they figure out arrows? The arrows are on the hieroglyphs, right? So that's like 2000 B.C. at least. Because I think the pyramid is 2500 B.C. I think they dated that. So I think if you're talking about when was the invention of the fucking arrow?

I should probably know this. I bow hunt. I should know this. But I have no idea. I have no idea. It's a long-ass time ago. Yeah, they figured out a few things first, right? They figured out, like, spears, and then they figured out catapults, probably.

That was probably next. Bows and arrows. Trebuchet, right? What is that? Isn't that a catapult? Like a trebuchet? That's what it's called? A trebuchet?

Can you Google it? Trebuchet? Trebuchet. I'm saying it wrong. Trebuchet? That was a fucking quick Google. That's not bad. Trebuchet.

That's the original catapult. You're fucking telling me I just scored? God damn, son. Look at you. Fuck a what? That's amazing. Yeah. It's even spelled the original catapult. You're fucking telling me I just scored? God damn, son. Look at you. Motherfucker, what? That's amazing. Yeah. It's even spelled the way you pronounced it.

It's perfect. All loose-lipped like Trebuchet. Trebuchet with a mouth full of skull. What do you got there? What is that stuff? Copenhagen Long Cut. Wintergreen. Is that stuff dangerous for you? Is that bad for you? Probably not any more dangerous than marijuana. Marijuana's not dangerous for you at all.

How dare you, sir? I don't feel like that is either. But that stuff does not, like, chew people's faces off and shit. Probably could. This is one dude who shows up at little kids' schools to warn them of the dangers of chewing tobacco and is missing half his face. I remember that dude on TV. He had bone cancer in his face. I don't mean to freak you out.

You're not freaking me out. I'm going out with my boots on, baby. Wow. So if it's face cancer from skull, you're good. If it's face cancer from skull, I'm going to call up Red Bull and tell them, hey, I'm going to be the first guy to jump out of the astronaut thing you got there. I don't need to shoot. I'm just going in head first.

So bring it on. Jesus Christ. That's my mentality, though, Joey. If I got in a car accident and lost a leg or an arm, I'd tell them, pull the plug right there. Shoot me. I'm done. One leg. Oh, man, it'd be tough.

It'd be tough. They got some good prosthetics now. A lot of these guys that come back from Iraq and Afghanistan, they do marathons now. Poor little pink tank. It's incredible. Yeah. It's incredible, though, isn't it?

It really is, man. But God damn, it'd be, man. But God damn it. Yeah. You would be, you were real close. There's a couple, they sequenced the gene of the flatworm recently. And they're looking to try to figure out, because the flatworms can regenerate. Like you cut them in half, they become two completely different flatworms. I think they also have the same memories. Like if one flatworm knows where the food is and you cut them in half the the both halves know where the food is so it's very confusing to them because they're trying to figure out like what is that memories or is that just you know like years of

it's a good question i think specifically the what they know and the way they know it they believe that it's a memory some type of a memory obviously a crude memory but uh they think that they're going to be able to figure out within the next hundred years how to replace limbs that you're going to be able to regenerate it the way a frog does or an alligator does think about that in the next hundred years think about what think about this iphone 6 here in the next i mean nothing yeah it's a joke do you remember the flip phone and then the in the t9 texting you were so happy with it too you know back then speaking of that do you know i mean you have kids so do you remember when you were 15 or 16 you had

to call like hey mr rogan um is is sarah there can i talk nine o'clock phone off you know what i mean those days are gone yeah our kids will never have to unless you know the strong you don't take their phone but do you even have a landline at home yeah Yeah, I got a landline, but it's useless. Never use it. Okay, so I mean... Most people are like that, right? I mean, you have a landline just like in case, but you know... I have a landline because I live in the middle of nowhere, and that's the only way I can get internet.

There's like a hamster that runs on a wheel, and every fast he's running, it powers up my Wi-Fi, and it's terrible. I can't even play. Do you have like one of those satellite internet connections? It's a phone line. No. Oh, it's bad. No, like even play. Do you have one of those satellite internet connections? It's a phone line. No. Oh, it's bad. No, like 56K? Like all those things?

Yeah, it's like... You can't do anything better? If I wanted to download a podcast, I'd have to start the download before I went to bed and maybe by noon the next day it'll be done. What?

Yeah, I got like 48-hour download movie time, so I got to really plan the movie I want for a flight. Netflix is ridiculous to you. Oh, Netflix? No. Cannot load a Netflix. You know, they have satellite internet now.

Not where I live. No, but you can get it all over the country. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like direct TV. They just point the dish at the satellite in the sky. And it's not fast as like fiber optic, but it's pretty fast. you look into this yeah, you got to get that what I got going on is That's not pretty biblical. Yeah, it sounds that sounds horrifying you look you live in like a couple of decades ago

Yeah, I am I am it's and there's nothing they can do they can't lay wires or anything like that No They don't have they don't have it out there in my area yet I've tried I'm going to look into that satellite game Where are you at now? Edgewood, New Mexico Right on the backside of Santa Fe, Albuquerque And you're there because of Jackson's?

Because you can be close to Jackson's? That's why Well, I moved to Albuquerque to help Leonard Garcia with the Roger Ward to fight And I never left I literally called my grandma Hi grandma, she's watching right now live So I'll give a shout out to my grandma Hi grandma

I literally showed up for Leonard for a week And then Greg asked me to be his 55er, and I never left. I literally had a house in Colorado. My grandma took care of everything, brought all my stuff down, and just drove, would slowly come visit me and bring things down. I never went home. Wow. It was wild, yeah. Why was that?

You just liked it so much there? Yeah. You know, in Colorado, I was like kind of the, at the gyms, I was kind of the kid that no one would put a name on. Like no one would claim me, right? I was like. Really? Oh, man, it was a hard time.

You know, and that's where the whole BMF ranch and like me giving back to people came from because I would drive here, go here, do this. No one would put their name on me. Like Dwayne, I trained with him, but he would never put his name on me. You know, none of the gyms would, like, claim me. I was just, well, I was a fuck-up, you know, and it was weird. Was that what it was?

Just you're young and crazy? It was probably me, crazy, yeah, you know. And they were like, this dude, I can't have this guy fighting for me. Exactly. He's just loose candy. Too crazy. Too crazy. So I went on to Greg.

He, like, took me in. And, like, at that time, George and Keith Jardine and Rashad, it was like a family down there. It was crazy, you know. All of them were so welcoming. And so I just, I said, this is it. This is where I'm going to make my move. And so you trained there, but you also built this crazy ranch. Great.

Bad motherfucker ranch. Yeah, that's it. Which is pretty awesome. I love it. You did that. I love it. So what made you decide to do that um well i wanted a place where i could ride my four-wheeler shoot my guns and all

that so i looked at the city limits and land that i got in edgewood to buy in colorado would have been out of control outrageous so you know i told my grandpa this is where i want to went my grandfather said done i mean on a phone call my grandpa said done is what you want got it drove down with cash in hand, bought me the property. Really? Just like a job, man. It was the greatest dude on the planet, man. So, yeah, and I started training there, and him and my grandma would come down, and you're

going to get me fucking teary-eyed now, but, you know, it just, it was like a dream for me, and so now I'm rooted, and so i want to did you build out there was there a prop was there a structure already there there was a house right and we extended the house built the gym now i just built dorms which if you're going to build anything anyone listening uh make sure you get your permits because i of course didn't because i'm a fucking idiot loser and uh wild so i got a big red flag notice on my door saying I need to get your permits done. I got a picture here. You want to see it?

Yeah, I do want to see it. So what do they do? Does it delay you any further because of red flags? It's a cease and desist. Don't... Well, they don't want to... Oh, Jesus, that is a red flag. Yeah.

Whoa. Notice to stop work. Notice to stop work. Bam. So I had to jump the hoops, you know, go hire somebody. No, I didn't have to hire anyone. I had to spend all day. I had to go to the Santa Fe County and really, like, get everything in line, show my plans, blah, blah, blah, pay the money, and basically get the ball rolling for the permits.

I got it done now. There's places out here, like, if you want to build something in, like, Malibu near the ocean, it takes fucking years. And you got to go through all sorts of red tape and there's corruption and nonsense you have to deal with. Exactly. So I just built it. And I shouldn't have. I have a buddy who lives in Topanga. He's under the Coastal Commission.

And he just said, fuck it. If they catch me, they catch me. And he just did all this shit to his house. Spent a fuckload of money on his house and just got away with it. Really? You can get away with it. You can. It's slippery. You can also get busted. You can also get busted You know, you can get away with it. You can. It's slippery.

You can also get busted. You can also get busted. With fucking wires hanging out of your wall. Stop work. That's it. Get fined. And then never get permits for years. So I try to, like, you know, let people learn from my mistakes.

I'm kind of the learned trial by fire. That's kind of how I've lived my whole life. So how many dorms did you build out there? Well, as of right now, it's a glorified horse stable. So there's no dorms being built. Because of the work or the stoppage. Stoppage, yeah. So you have to wait until you get a permit again.

Yeah, so now it's a horse stable. Because there is a horse stable underneath, a giant horse stable. And then I built rooms that I'm probably going to paint in, hold my archery gear in. I've got a whole bunch of beds I need a store and in a couple and I got guys that come out that I'll probably store in some of those rooms with The beds do you think this is like what's gonna be your transition after you're done fighting that you'll eventually just run a camp I don't know Joe I just you know teaching to me like if you and I were doing something I could show you

Something you had a problem with for me to like come in and teach a class would be really hard I don't know how that fucking even works like that but you know that that's what would be hard about it like maybe getting a curriculum or like something I thought out like okay I'm gonna teach this this and this today I don't I just I don't know I see what you're saying maybe if you had somebody that like kind of organized it for you and you guys came in and you know, have guys like Henry or someone who's, like, a coach already work with him. Like, Winklejohn and Jackson work together. Sure.

Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I have a great, you know, Jafari in Super D Wrestling. One of my great friends and coaches, you know, he lives out there with me. Helps me. He trains all the guys. And we got, you know, he lives out there with me, helps me, trains all the guys, and we got, you know, Henry training with the Thai guy. So we have a good, you know, good stable of coaching and just bringing guys in, man.

Like I said earlier, I didn't know how to have any direction. So now when people come, I want to be the guy, like, they ask me, what do you do for sponsorship? Well, now it's $3. We don't have a fucking choice. But before, I had to be like, hey, these guys were no-go. They didn't pay. They didn't do this.

You know, just like experiences I've had through my career. And what do you do for cutting weight? What do you do for this? What do you do for that? It's just cool to be able to answer all the questions for the up-and-coming guys, you know? Yeah. It's got to be a cool thing to be able to help guys in a way that, like, you wish somebody had helped you, right? Absolutely.

Because it's like there's a real area in the beginning of a fighter's career, especially where they don't feel legitimate. And sometimes a guy like you taking him in and saying, hey, man, like what you're doing with Felder. Right. You know, a guy who's a real talented guy. Very talented kid, yes.

You take him in and then boom, all of a sudden he's legit as fuck. Yeah. That's what everybody's saying too. It's like everybody's saying, oh, he trains with oh he trains with donald right shit okay you know i mean that's kind of exactly like that and there's a lot of guys that come that when you come i want to be able to put my name on you you know what i mean so work with you train with you have the coaches work with you because when you say that you're from our stable that's what i wanted to be you know a legit person yeah how did you hook up with Henry Smith?

Through Baltimore, man. We just kind of crossed paths years ago. Where did he get the name Rude Boy? What's that? Rude Boy Muay Thai? I wish I had an answer for that, but I don't. I don't know. I don't have an answer. I like that dude, though.

He's a great coach, too. Sure, sure, absolutely. Very calm and smooth in the corner. You could tell a lot about a guy and how he gives instruction in the corner. He's calm and smooth he's like can i please get this can i please with that thank you very much but he also is very technical he's real technical on his instruction like as a guy who watches a lot of fights nothing drives me crazier than when someone doesn't have advice you know and they're like go get him go kick his ass

that'd be like me cornering leonard fuck him up leonard but for leonard you in the corner like that is kind of technical advice you know leonard's one of my all-time favorite guys to watch because he just god damn he's a dying breed man you know the the fighter fighter a dying breed you know yeah when when when leonard was at his you know talking about retirement with me and everything i he he's like, I just wish I could get a fight where someone would just stand there and fucking throw down with me. And I'm like, Leonard, brother, those days are gone. These guys are going to come in and take you down. He's like, yeah, but no, I think this guy's going to stand with me.

I'm like, no, Leonard, he's going to take you down, you know, so that we'd have to go back and forth. Then the kid would take him down, you know, because he hates wrestling and practicing wrestling. But that's where the sport's going, you know. Well, the sport's going in this method that, like, in order, or this place where in order to win, you've got to be able to do everything and be totally unpredictable, and you've got to be able to fight smart and not put yourself in danger. And Leonard was all about just throwing himself into danger. Peeling the stickers off the mats with the punches. Right? Yeah, he would throw them off the mats with the punches. Right?

Yeah. Yeah, he would throw them from the back of his calf. I loved it. I mean, but those are the fights you, I mean, the Jens Pulver and Leonard Garcia fight. Yeah. Man. Wild. Right?

Oh, Leonard had a bunch of wild ones. He had a bunch of, like, when it was over, you just like shaking your head like, God, what did I just see? So the craziest thing, man, when I had the incident at Whole Foods, I don't know if you heard about it or not when i got punched um somebody punched you what in the parking lot or something all right so i'll get it out now it's everyone you know so i'm walking across texting on my phone and a guy lays on the horn and my girl's like who is that and i look up i don't know she's like you don't know him i said no we walked the car the car goes and parks like three spots down and the dude gets up he's like what's up motherfucker and i was like like me you're

talking to me and he's like yeah bitch and i was like okay and then just smoked me in my eye blew my glasses on the floor now mind you i'm still in trial for the boat rage incident thing that's going on yeah the boat one was you head kick some dude, right? allegedly Some dude got I'll get to that story. Okay, so this so anyways so my girl looks me and Burning fucking fire is raging out of my ears right she goes No, no, right so I tell this, like anybody would, today's your lucky day. The dude's like, oh, yeah, motherfucker, I bet, right?

And then he hocks up again to hit me again. I said, motherfucker, if you touch me again, I'm going to kill you. Like, I can't take two. I cannot take two. Leonard's there, right? And so Leonard goes to hit this dude, but he's like, oh, Bible, good, doesn't cuss. And he's like, frick you. You know what I mean?

Oh, no. Yeah, man. He's like on this new. Frick you. Oh, bro. He's like on this new. Boy, did the fucking guy get lucky. That guy got so lucky, he probably thinks he's such a badass.

And we were in. We just literally got training. Done training. So we're in, like, training gear. Right. We had the whole foods, get some shit to drink. And so he like you want to be ufc fighters what the blah blah blah oh my god man so uh i just got my car and drove away you don't know who that guy is i'm no clue whoever you are bitch whoever you are you got lucky as fuck that was your lucky day all right so anyways

boat rage okay boat rage boat. This is what happened. We're up at Grand Lake. The reason I go to Grand Lake is it's freezing cold. No one goes to Grand Lake to wakeboard because it's cold. People don't like cold water. Where's Grand Lake? Colorado, up in the mountains. Fucking super deep, freezing cold lake, but the water's beautiful.

So this guy lived there. He's seen my boat. And he told, and the police are saying he's seen us there the week before. And he called it massaging and making love to my boat. Because, yeah, it's an expensive boat. I can take care of it. Whacked it, make sure it's clean. He's upset that you take care of your boat?

I guess. That's what the police report said. So he, my buddy Mikey's fishing off the back of his boat, off the back of my boat. The guy comes in, woo, having fun. He has like a Ski-Doo jet ski boat. And he comes feet away and like sprays water up on Mikey, washes my boat up onto the rocks. Now, I got Cody Donovan, at the time was fighting in the UFC,

and three or four other fighters, nine of us. There was nine of us. We were camping out for the weekend. And Cody's irate, like, fuck, let's go get him. The girls settle us down, we don't, right? So later on, about an hour and a half later, we go wakeboarding. Well, with my boat, you've got to fill the ballast tanks up, so you have to kind of sit idle and let the tanks fill. So while we're sitting there idling the tanks fill, he's down in the area. So we're, like, sitting there letting the tanks fill.

He's, like, flexing his muscles from the shore,, which one of you pussies want something, bro? Out of control. So he gets in his boat and he comes flying up next to my boat. Completely lets go of his steering wheel and runs to the front of his boat. And his boat just goes, bink, and hits my boat. And I'm like, oh my God, dude. What the fuck are you doing? And he's like, which one of you pussies want some shit

oh my god we were like um what so everyone bickering starts happening blah blah blah anyways the dude says you know what fuck it I'm gonna run my boat into your boat he's like wasted drunk tears off

flips a bitch and comes bead lining for my boat now had this not been the situation we were in i would have congratulated this dude for the most epic fucking water spray i have ever seen thrown into another person's boat because at the last second he cuts and throws the most massive wave that just drenches everyone's phone and just like like he hits you like a tidal wave and i was like fucking pissed so i drive the boat to the shore and i get off the boat and i run about 200 yards down the shore trying to get him to come to me because my girl stood up and she's like that's

fucking it and that's all i had to hear when i heard when she stood up and you know she's like that's it that's it you know what i'm saying that was it that was it that's all i need to know okay that's it so i try to get this dude to run to me. He does not. He comes straight from my girl. Gets off his boat. Pointing his finger at her. So I just walk right past, step in front of him. I just front tip him in the stomach and set him down in the sand.

Like, chill the fuck out. A lot of crazy gorilla pounding this dude in the sand is going through my mind. I don't. I was training myself. And the dude gets up and tries to hit me with the old sneaker right hand oh god so i just slip and i head kick him lightly joe when i say lightly it was very lightly like just like a like a right boom and sit him down and i'm like you motherfucker don't even know what the fuck i said he won't get. He won't get up. Dude won't get up now. So I literally sit down right next to him.

I'm like, you fucking, I don't know what to do. And I want to just rip this dude's heart out, right? I want to start backhanding him. Like, bah, bah. While he's sitting next to him? While he's sitting next to him. Shoulder to shoulder. What a weird scene. What a weird dude.

That's the only thing I can, in the fit of rage, I mean, I can think to do. So Cody grabs me, you know, like enough's enough. And as soon as I do that, the kid rolls over, takes out his phone, takes a picture of me, takes a picture of my boat. Oh, God. And he dials 911. And I was like, good. Call 911, you fucking idiot.

So the dude calls 911. I said, yes, dude's drunk. He says, man, I'm only drunk because this dude calls 911. Calls, show up. I said, yeah, this dude's drunk. He says, man, I'm only drunk because this dude embarrassed me in front of all of my friends, so I had a drink to get over what had just happened. What? Yeah. How did you embarrass him? By cleaning your boat?

Oh, no, because I head kicked him in front of his friends. Oh, but before that, the massaging of the boat. Dude, so he had a lot of people with him. He had like a big camp group. So we go to court. We fight. It's like a two-year process I'm going through. All the guys that he's with, their police statements match mine.

He was talking about us all day, two weeks. He was chasing us down. He wanted a piece of it. So, I mean, it all got dropped and dismissed. But he tried to come out to me for $50,000, and it was just unbelievable. Well, it's amazing how nice you were about it. A little front kick to the chest and a little baby head kick. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. And what I just told you there is the same story his people told him. I'm not exaggerating. I didn't just haul off and beat him down, which I think I'm maturing in my— You are. You are maturing. I am. I didn't mean to tell you that. It's just amazing how people will try to sue over things like that.

Like that becomes like the lottery to them. Yeah. Do you know the two guys sued? People always ask like, hey man, can you take a picture choking me? Like the UFC doesn't want anybody choking anybody in pictures. I've been told that, so I tell them no. Chuck Liddell and Matt Hughes were both sued. The Matt Hughes story is kind of hilarious because the guy asked Matt Hughes to put him in a rear naked choke for a picture.

So Matt Hughes does. And then the guy says, hey, look, I got evidence. This guy choked me and he hurt me. So he tries to sue. Well, they do an investigation on the guy and find out the guy's a cop. And then they dig deeper and find out he's a dirty cop. And the dude winds up getting popped and goes to jail because of that. And the Chuck Liddell one, I'm pretty sure Chuck had to wind up paying something.

Chuck was one of the first ones. Three times. Three times he's been sued. Three times he's been sued. Damn. My neighbor sued me. For what? He said that my dogs attacked his horse.

Did they? No, absolutely not. Somebody else's dog did, but there i was his neighbor so he said mine the guy just moved in and his horse ran through the fence well if you're any kind of a horse owner at all you can't just move into somewhere and take the reins off your horse and let him go we have no idea what the perimeter you need you need to take your horse out and walk the perimeter he lets his horse the horse runs through the fence. He said to my dogs, chase him through the fence. It was cheaper for me just to pay the guy off than to go to court and fight it.

So it's just unbelievable, man. That kind of shit drives me fucking crazy. My old roommate, me and Leonard Garcia used to live in. We'd have guys come down for training camp. This lady got us good man after we after when i bought this new house we moved in she then claimed sued us that we were subleasing our rent out to our training partners what twelve thousand dollars out of there what twelve thousand what does she give a fuck i don't understand it she must have been hurting for money so she was your old she owned the house at one point did

you know who um ricky he used to work for jackson's uh gray jackson's guy i probably would have found song yeah anyway so the lady's hurting for money right she needs to she's renting us out her house the house she's living in i get ricky buys her house from her i tell her hey we'll move out now so you can move back into your house because you're foreclosing so we make this all work right i work with the lady i she's a realtor i use her as my realtor to buy my ranch that's how fucking crazy this gets right so i use her we do this as soon as we get the paperwork done she turns around and sues us for sub leasing our rent out and my grandma's honest she can vouch for this fucking crazy yes she said that the whole time we were there we were having people come down a train and we're we're renting it out to them and making money off of her

property oh gee and of course I got the notices to go to court why don't show up to court so they passed the ruling I went to court I probably could have fought it but I didn't I was like yeah whatever if you do that takes forever the problem with those things is it's like these, like, do you know what a patent troll is? Uh-uh. Patent trolls are, they get patents on things. They buy patents or they own patents. And then they'll sue, like, a company like Apple.

Like, they were going after podcasters for a while. And what they do is they'll, they went after Adam Carolla for something, some, some sort of sort of patent. And they went after a few other people, but Apple had to wind up paying like 7 million bucks or something like that. Because for Apple, you know, they have so much fucking money. It's easier for them to pay off a patent troll than it is to address it in court and spend all their resources. And, you know, they might like the UFC is doing this, you know, that antitrust lawsuit.'re like this is gonna cost them a hundred million dollars right in legal fees but it's either that or pay people off they'd rather spend the money they'd rather pay the legal fees yeah well

because principle for them yeah well principle and also sets a precedent sure and you keep if you if you start paying out then other people start coming out of the woodwork. But it's a weird world we live in where you can just sue over shit like that. Alpha brain, son. Alpha brain, son. It's good for you. You got that big ass on it package, right? God, I love it.

I love the picture you sent of you with the balance in the mace on your chin. 20 pound mace. That's it. How'd you do that, man? Well, the balance in the mace was good, but the holding the fucking kettlebell while doing it was suspect. How the fuck did you pull that off? Because I'm

fucking super athletic alpha fucking pimp. Okay. That's a good answer. I mean, I don't know. When we were at Elevate, which is a strength conditioning where you guys sent a whole bunch of those maces to, and they were like, you're going to fucking knock your teeth out. And I was like, well, then I'll be a toothless motherfucker, but let's do this.

You're constantly doing shit like that, right? Why not? You're constantly wakeboarding, jumping snowmobiles over the top of cliffs. I can't wait. El Nino, baby? Come on. Colorado's going to be unreal this year. I cannot wait. Everybody's hoping for that, but I don't know if that's real.

I hope so. They keep saying that the way the temperature of the water... California's desperately hoping for it. I was just surfing with nothing this morning. It was great. It was warm as fuck. They have yellowtail. They've had yellowtail all over the coast around Santa Monica and Malibu, which is,

you know, usually you got to go out to fucking Hawaii to get those. Sure, sure. So they're pretty excited about it. People think that this is going to change. But, you know, trying to guess what Mother Nature is going to do a few months from now. Unless you do the Farmer's Almanac, then you could maybe key in a little bit. How the fuck do those work? I have no idea.

I don't know either. I don't know either, but they know either But they are damn sure on They're damn sure on And I don't What do they use What kind of hocus pocus Are they using to figure that out? Maybe the Mayan calendar

I don't know That didn't work out though It didn't We're still here Three years later We're fine Here we are Here we are

I was convinced dude Like way back in 2006 I was like December 21st dude It's done 2012 It's all done It's all done So were you on the computer

during your crash in 2000? Oh, yeah. I was hiding. Yeah, when 2000 came around, I was hiding. I stayed at home, stockpiled water, the whole deal.

I was listening to Art Bell. I need to start stockpiling water. I have stockpiled food. I need to do the water. Why don't you have a well? You're out in the middle of nowhere. I do have a well, but the problem is the wells suck.

Wells suck. Not that good? No? I had a well in Colorado and it was really good. Well, for you, but if you have 20 people well suck well suck that good No, did it well well in Colorado and it was really good well for you But if you have 20 people come to your house and take showers, right? Yeah, so yeah, I don't need water heaters and everything like that You got a yes what you're out there like are you on solar? No my wish I need to be Really so here's like a giant fucking white

I'm on propane. Are you really? Oh, no. You have like a giant fucking white tank on those things? Three of them. Oh, fucking Christ. And if some asshole comes and trains at my house and forgets to turn the heater off in the gym, $1,500 overnight. Oh, no.

And then I come in the house fucking ripping and roaring. Who the fucking? Everyone's like, wouldn't me? Of course. Wouldn't me. $1,500. $1,500. Propane. Especially in the winter, right?

And the funny thing is the propane company is like, oh, you don't want to pay? We won't bring any more propane. We don't right and the funny thing is the the propane company is like Oh, you don't want to pay we won't bring any more propane. We don't give a shit Oh, so you have to you got to keep warm. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, fuck that dude. You should have a fireplace in that gym Today you're the stalker go split the wood and stock you have wood out there do you have a forest? I know no for we got no cacti cacti. Can you have wood out there? Do you have forest? No, no forest. We got cacti. Cacti? Can you cook cacti in a fucking...

Not really, right? I'd be goddamn wondering if you can get some peyote out of it. I don't know. Well, you'd have to have a very specific cactus. Because we are. We are. We are. San Pedro.

Is that what it is? Yeah, San Pedro cactus. You'd know. I have no idea. But that's where they do it in Young Guns. Oh, yeah. Well, not only that. Tent Rock, where they film, you're in the the spirit road asshole. That's miles down the road for me

That is where yeah, that's um yeah That's where they you know There's only that's daily we're doing that for the last couple hundred years like everybody thinks that that was like thousands of years old No evidence no evidence that they were you the Native Americans were using peyote more than a couple hundred years. But who, how do they, okay, marijuana, peyote, what are they like, let's just smoke this shit up? How does that, who's the guinea pig on that? It's a good question. Like peyote, like, oh, let's just boil some cactus and oops, now I'm fucking tripping,

so that was cool. This is a real good question. There's a lot of those things out there that like, how the fuck did they ever figure that out? Like meth, like, oh the fuck did they ever figure that out? Meth? Meth? Like, oh, battery acid? And, like, cool, let's fucking smoke this.

Tylenol and shit. Yeah, gross. Kick cold medicine. All you meth users out there, Ixnay, boys, yucky. Well, there's very few good cooks. That's why, you know, Breaking Bad made a lot of sense. You know, you needed a real fucking chemist. You need a chemist.

But, like, the ayahuasca one is a crazy one. They've been using that for like 10,000 years. You got to take the leaves of one plant and the vine. Is that what Aubrey your buddy does? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you talking about? Yeah. And they boil it down.

It's DMT in a drinkable form because otherwise DMT, the only way you could take it is you have to extract it and smoke it. I've experienced DMT in real life. Yeah? Yeah. When I had my accident, when my guts were hanging out of me. What happened with your guts? So that's why I got this giant scar.

What is that? I wrecked a four-wheeler. Yeah? And broke all my ribs. Anyway, I was in the hospital. I took the flight for life to the hospital, and I remember laying there. Laying in the gurney. They had me strapped down because I was a fucking lunatic.

And I remember tipping the gurney over, and I had to to throw up and i threw up blood all over this poor nurse and she like did this little weird oh god i just got blood thrown up on me action and then i remember they set me back up and it was like the most peaceful feeling like everything was just okay like no pain fucking like dying was okay as stupid as that sounds and crazy like it was just it was just okay i felt the best i've ever felt in my life wow it was like supernatural man it was crazy like i was in so much pain like so i'm in the goddamn ambulance they're taking me and there's a new guy in there so my lungs are punctured so this huge needle and the guy's telling the other guy how to fucking because i guess you puncture your lung and

then your air comes back right and the guy's like walking the new guy through and i was like fuck no well i'm like you know i can't really say fuck no but um yeah i was like no you you do it right yeah don't get the new guy not work on my lungs. Not today. Not today, motherfucker. So, but anyway, I tipped the gurney over, so much pain, and they write me back up, and everything was just okay. It went like this cristally blue haze, and I woke up like two weeks later strangling my grandma. Two weeks later?

So you were in a coma? Yeah, well, I was like a medical-induced, yeah. Wow. Maybe not two weeks. How old were you when this happened? It was 2006, June something of 2006. My grandma was, yeah, and I remember woke up. So you were already fighting in the WEC at this time, were you?

When did you start fighting? No, I was- 2009? So talk about me doing crazy shit that I probably shouldn't because I get hurt and I don't want to be able to fight. So talk about me doing crazy shit that I probably shouldn't do I get hurt and I don't want to be able to fight I was I did this giant kickboxing won a World title and I won a spot to go fight in front of the king of Thailand and I was supposed to leave that weekend That I went out racing motocross and Wow So miss that fucking boat, but hey

Well, that boat is not very there's not a lot of money in fighting the king of Thailand anyway No But I mean so the kick was the only reason I got into fighting was because, A, I love, it was like my favorite thing to do, and the whole world still is. But I would just see the world. They'd call me, and I was the guy they would call. You know, everyone talks about taking short notice. I was like, Calbee, you're crazy. He's like, man, I used to take fights on three days, and now I'm taking them on four weeks.

Now I'm fucking good. So they'd call me. I was their guy. They'd call and be like, hey, we need you in Japan. It's Wednesday. We need you there Saturday. And I'm like, cool, let's go. And I'd go.

And fucking me and my buddy Mike Baldwin, who's like my best friend still to this day, who comes to every one of my fights, would get off the plane, hit Roppongi. I don't know if he, Roppongi is like, yeah, the party. And I would, I remember sometimes I was so hung over for weigh-ins that i'm like trying to like drink gatorades and recoup my brain just just to fucking just to weigh in just to square up just to weigh in that's hilarious yeah so um those i mean and fighting which is something i did to pay for my trip to go see the world right so fun those days were i mean i still i still live today you know fighting me people make such a big deal i I see like like Felder is a perfect example, man

They take it so serious fighting is not that serious Felder takes it too serious serious man That's one day. I try and teach these guys like man you drink beer you fucking alcohol you piece of shit That's what I hear all the time. Yeah, so what I drink beer. I love I like to drink beer cold refreshing Budweiser she that you got that man I like to drink I like to have beer. Cool, refreshing Budweiser. You got that, man? I like to drink beer. I like to have a good time. But people take it to their life. Eight weeks, they're like, can't eat that.

Can't do this. Can't go out. I have this huge fight in my life. How is it the biggest fight of your life? I mean, it's the same like this Dos Anjos fight coming up December 19th, Orlando, Florida, world title. Biggest fight of my life. Goddamn right, I'm going to drink beer and fucking have a good time

and probably get there 10 days early and go wakeboarding. Really? Oh, my God. Why not? So you're just going to treat it like it's any other part of your life. Yeah, because back in the day when I used to fight, he'd be on two, three days notice. I had nothing to worry about.

It's just a fight. I love it. But would you worry about an incident happening, like the incident that kept you from going and fighting for the king of Thailand? I mean, that's the real, I i mean the big thing is to win the title right the most guys when they get to your position they kind of start playing it safe that's the difference between you and a lot of these guys because a lot of guys are wild in the beginning sure but then somewhere along the line they start realizing the consequences and the stakes and they

start playing it safe. Yeah, I just thought a play-it-safe kind of guy. Yeah, I could go wakeboarding the week of the fight and blow my knee out. Sure. I'll probably still fight. With a blown knee. Sure. Just tape that bitch up.

Tape it up. See what's up. Just a couple shots of Jack. Get a cortisone on that. A couple shots of Jack. I was thinking a cortisone. Well, there's all sorts of shit that they can do now that sort of help you a little bit. Sure.

Short term. Sure. Blown out knees, never a good time. No. No. I mean, I've had a couple of blown out knees. How many different? Have you had any surgeries other than the stomach?

No. No surgeries. Thank God. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, before my last fight, I was supposed to get an MRI on my knees, and I had an MRI on my chest because my fucking ribs were so separated,

and I made it very crystal clear to the UFC, I will go get this MRI. But regardless of the outcome, it comes. I'm still fighting. Is that okay with you guys? And they said yes, so I was like, fine. They wanted you to get an MRI? Yeah. You wanted to get it.

They wanted me to. They wanted you to get an MRI? Yeah, you wanted to get it. They wanted me to. They wanted you to get it. So you were complaining of some pain maybe, or you were realizing there was something wrong? Yeah, I had like my chest was super separated. Like I couldn't even take a break. Just pop, pop, pop, like my solar plexus. So I went to Dallas, and I went and trained with some kids in a gym, and a dude threw a knee with no shin pad and just crushed me in my solar plex

and like separated it bad. What fight was this for? The Medesky fight. Really? Yeah, the last fight. Damn. The one that was supposed to be with Khabib that he pulled out for the third fucking time. That guy gets hurt a lot.

His knees are all fucked up. Fucked up. A lot of those guys that are fucking like Kane. Right. A lot of those fucking guys are super strong mentally just ridiculously aggressive those guys wind up blowing shit out like Kane's blowing out his knee he's blowing out his shoulder both shoulders had surgeries on them fuck yeah that style of fighting especially that intense grappling style right like you just way less injuries in kickboxing

and in stand-up striking like boxing how many fucking fights get canceled in boxing it's rare as fuck right very rare very how many fights is as mayweather said oh i can't pull yeah almost no i don't know i can't remember a big fight ever i mean it would have to be something severe and usually it's like doing during strength and conditioning training or something you know or running or something maybe sure but it's very rare that someone pulls out of a bar or they'd have to break their hand or something like that but it's rare but in mma god damn it's common as fuck well there's so many weird scrambling situations that you get involved in you know within you know you bring in guys to train with and sometimes those guys that's the

other thing that what you just said to bring it in guys to train with, and sometimes those guys... That's the other thing, what you just said, the bringing in guys to train with. Man, I think that is one of the biggest mistakes that guys make, is that these young guys, they bring into camp, they don't even know these guys, these guys try to make a name. If you brought me in to train with you, Joe, I'm fucking you up. Right, yeah, you want to. I'm not going to let you beat me down. Especially if you're coming into a champ's camp, or a guy who's a high-level guy who's well-respected.

They want to say, dude, Donald Cerrone came into blah, blah, blah's camp and fucked him up. Oh, shit, really? I mean, that's what happens. You got to have your friends. You got to have your friends. A lot of guys do it the right way. Like what you're doing at the Bad Motherfucker Ranch. All those guys are family, right?

Yeah, absolutely. Like what you're doing at the bad motherfucker ranch all those guys are family right yeah, absolutely and that Speaking of family like Felder people are like Cali you want him to lose like the fuck I do What does him losing do to me? You can't respond to those people God? I live in six-common Lane edgewood, New Mexico any you motherfuckers want come What that is you're opening yourself up to the retards of the world my god, bro Yeah, and you know you at your stand up you talk about the people that comment on a YouTube video. Yeah I feel the same when I people yeah shit to me as I'm like you are a YouTube Well, they could be children, you know, it could be young kids it or it could be morons

I'll post a picture of something like surfing and people are like Connors gonna you well bitch first of all he's a 45 okay yeah I want to just just get on there and see all kinds of shit and it's just like oh my god you gotta pick who you communicate with like say look like you and I know each other this is Jamie Jamie's a good dude right you want to have a conversation with Jamie he's not gonna say anything retarded but he's right there in front of you yeah now if we were just random people talking around, you never know. You might run into a good dude like Jamie, or you might run into

some complete fucking idiot that you would never talk to in real life. But in text, they all look the same. They all look the same. It all looks the same. A guy can say some shit in a full sentence and pretend that he has a point. God damn it, I'm going to start drinking too.

Alright. I'm going to start drinking too. Alright. I'm getting fired up now. Are you cracking open a nice, cold, refreshing Budweiser? I am. I am Donald Cerrone, American Budweiser. I just don't think it's wise to communicate with people that are just insulting online. I don't ever

go back and forth. I used to. Why do you drink that fucking piss water, disgusting beer? Comments I get. It's not bad. Budweiser's not bad. People are assholes. And then I reach back and be like, oh yeah.

They pay me every month to drink that fucking ice cold Budweiser. I like Budweiser. I love it. I like all kinds of different beers. I used to be a Bud-like guy, but now I'm a Bud-heavy. I'm a Bud-heavy. I'm more of a Bud-heavy guy, but I like a Sam Adams. I like a Guinness. I like a bud heavy. I'm more of a bud heavy guy. But I like a Sam Adams. Oh, yeah.

I like a Guinness. I like a dark beer. But I like a Budweiser, too. It's like I like water, and occasionally I like whiskey. So you're talking about Guinness, dark beer. You ever had a snake bite? Snake bite? No.

So snake bite is Guinness, half Guinness, and then half like an apple lager. Oh, really? Oh, that's nice. Snake bite, baby. No. What's that shit that we drink? Black Butte Porter? That shit's good.

We've got this dark beer, this dark black. Who makes that? Black Butte? Who's the company that makes that? Google. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deschutes Brewery. How awesome is Google now?

Because no one can bullshit. You could have told me 20 years ago, you're the best wrestler in the world. And I'm like, oh, you are? I know. Wow. You won state seven times in a row and took worlds? Whoa. How many martial arts guys? No you didn't. No you didn't. Actually you've never

even wrestled. How many martial arts guys were like that though? All the ones that wore the Rex Condo fucking badass pants. Rex Condo with the fucking American flag pants? American flag pants are the shit. Yeah, it used to be there was a bunch of guys that claimed to be in. Did you ever know who Raphael Torrey is?

You ever hear about that guy? No. He was a guy who was a writer for one of those online magazines. I think Abu Dhabi News hired him. And he turned out to be a fake black belt and wound up killing the guy. Wound up killing, like, he was dating a girl, and she was married to some dude, killed the dude for the insurance money, got busted, the whole deal. Craziness, right?

In jail now for murder. But before that, he was claiming to be a black belt. But he set off a bunch of alarms. Like, he would go off to Thailand to have these fucking he set off a bunch of alarms like he would go off to thailand to have these fucking no holds barred fights and come back and yeah i got him in a twister in the first round everybody's like you just learned that like last week like he was it was real weird but one of the things he did that was hilarious is this dude claimed to be in a no rules kumite in the woods so he had his friend drop him off he brought a big ass duffel

bag right right that's big he had his friend drop him off. He brought a big-ass duffel bag, right? He had his friend drop him off. He's like, drop me off and come back and get me in a couple days, right? So his friend drops him off. He goes off into the woods. And his friend comes back in a couple days. Now he's got a trophy. No more fucking duffel bag.

The trophy's the same size as the duffel bag. Dude comes back without a scratch on him. It leaves the camping gear. I mean, but that's the same size as the duffel bag. Dude comes back without a scratch on him. Leaves the camping gear. I mean, but that's the kind of shit that people did, you know? People who were retarded, they really would pretend that they were involved in these no-holds-barred contests and they were 150 and 0. Right. Like, you remember the early days, like Hicks and Gracie, they would say 400 and 0?

Sure, sure. You imagine if you had 400 fucking fights? Goddamn, you remember the early days, like Hicks and Gracie, they would say 400 and 0? Sure, sure. You imagine if you had 400 fucking fights? Goddamn, you got to fight a lot. You have to fight, like, every couple days for years. Sounds like my high school days. You'd have to win all of them, too. That I did not. That I did not.

Yeah, well, those are important. The losses are some of the most important ones, right? Those are the ones that really make you get back and fucking dig in. They burn you. Burn your soul. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.

To this day, are there any losses that just fucking, that when you get up in the morning, you think about that one, and it makes you just want to go running? You know, more or less the guys that talk about the Diaz fight tell me all the time, Diaz will beat your ass. Nate. Nick. The Diaz brothers have the most incredible following, almost as incredible as the Conor McGregor following. The Colts.

It is unbelievable. So they tell me all the time, you'll beat your ass again. Like, all right, well, bring his ass on because I'm ready, whatever. Well, you fought Nate, right? And the Nate Diaz fight, like, it seemed like you were having a hard time in the first round. Like, you had a hard time getting started. Like, that was a fight where, like, that dude talked a lot of shit to you. Your boy Callen.

And it seemed, is he contacting you? He just said, you still there? I told him, come crash this motherfucker. Where is he? I don't know. Oh, he's texting you right now? Yeah. Yeah, I was...

Well, you were emotionally... I'm not making... Yeah, I'm not making... He got in my head, and he got me. Yeah, absolutely. And that shit doesn't happen no more. No, everyone tells me, Croner's in your head,

Dos Anjos, no, the fuck they're not. So that was a lesson for you. A super lesson, man. Yeah, don't... You mean... So let's take it back. You're talking about Rex Condo, this guy, right oh you see all the movies that people said don't fight out of anger right right they say that for a reason i mean yeah so when i fought out of anger i mean

i was just i don't know what the fuck i was doing i was just i sucked that night and that's all there is to no excuses the motherfucker beat me did you just get caught up in it like caught up in the the emotions of like all the shit he talked to you? He knocked your fucking hat off, dude. Oh, God. How dare he? Nate Diaz can talk some shit, I'll tell you what. You know what?

But as much as he talked, I like those guys. I like them, too. I really do. I mean, because there is no front on them at all. They are. What you see is what you like. If I were to run into the Diaz brothers out in the street, we are fucking throwing down. And there's no question.

I mean, that's just who they are. So it's not like they put on this front, this persona that they're big. No. That's who they are. 24-7. 24-7. And it's awesome to me. Both of them.

I got nothing but respect for both of them. So when you guys are all retired, you'll have a drink together and be laughing about it? Absolutely. I'd have a drink with them now. I don't have any animosity or any anger or hate towards either one of them. I would definitely hang out with both of them. And it sucks that fucking Nick is in trouble with this whole

marijuana thing. This thing is awful. It's awful and it just shows how bad the Nevada State Athletic Commission is. And they were angry because he took the fifth because he Didn't want to talk about it the fucking guy passed two world Anti-doping agency tests right to water tests that are blood tests They're way more accurate than the fucking urine test that Nevada State Athletic Commission gave him with quest Diagnostics, you know and nothing against quest diagnostics, but that method of testing is not as accurate.

Right. So the dude was within the realm. I mean, he was, he was legal. He passed and they try to steal, they're stealing money from him and they suspended him for five years. They're a fucking kangaroo court. That's what they are. Five years.

It's ridiculous. At any job. Yeah. I mean, if I said, Joe, you're off the air for five years, you're fucking ruined, man. Yeah. I mean, you're irrelevant after almost a year in our sport. People forget about you. Yeah, almost.

If you're not, I mean, he is one of the names in the sport, absolutely. But, I mean, five years, he's getting older and older and older. I think he's like 33 or 34. How old is Nick now? Hold on. I want to say he's 32 at least, right? Right. So, five years, he's fucking 37, and he's not doing any TRT.

He's not doing shit. Sure. God bless him. You know what I mean? Yeah, God bless him. He's 32. Yeah, I was right. So five years from now, it's over, man. Dude.

When we were kids, when a boxer hit his 30s, you're like, oh, he's 32, 33. It's almost over. We knew it was almost over sure but then the age of trt came along especially with mma things got real weird sure things got real strange like you started to see guys like 36 37 like vitor having the fucking fights of his career the best fights ever you know and these guys the brothers, one thing you've got to say about them is these fucking dudes take care of their bodies. Yes. They eat healthy as fuck. Nick's always eating all organic food.

He eats real healthy. He's constantly in shape, constantly running. If this guy's smoking pot, he's not doing meth. You know what I'm saying? I mean, yeah. I mean, he's taking care of his body. Absolutely. It's not like he's doing meth. You know what I'm saying? I mean, he's taking care of his body. Absolutely. It's not like he's doing steroids.

It's not like he's doing something that's making him freakishly fast or ridiculously strong. It's actually the complete opposite. Yeah. It's the whole thing. It's so frustrating, man, that these clowns have any power over people like you. Right. It drives me crazy. It drives me crazy that people like you need these fools that have never been punched in the face they've never been

strangled they've never fought a day in their life and they're the ones that get to decide what happens to you well they're the ones who get to tell Nick Diaz he has to sit out for five years but they're the pencil pushers of America man they're the people that in high school didn't, you know, I feel like those are the guys that now they have something to prove. Now he's high and mighty, you know? Maybe, you know, but there's a lot

of pencil pushers that are good dudes, you know, or good women. It's not the problem. The problem is people in positions of power that are accustomed to that position of power and then they treat it like they're a fucking king or a queen. They're tyrants. And that's what those people are. Hey, my then they treat it like they're a fucking king or a queen. They're tyrants. And that's what those people are. My buddy, Scott Parker.

Who is it? Parks from the Avalanche said he's been in over 400 fights. He just texted me right now. How dare he? How dare you? Is that Parks? Is that the hockey guy? The enforcer.

He might actually have been in 400 fights. Because those guys will fight all the time, right? He'll probably fight like two, three times a week. That's different. He's huge. He's my snowmobile partner right so that's what i'm saying is el nino's damn pump so i don't know if you've ever ridden a snowmobile but you get stuck in like five six feet of powder and now you're stuck right a big old son of a bitch come over one hand like rad just ripped me out like go get it and i'm in there digging me out for like an hour and i'm like you motherfucker you big ass bitch so yeah he's uh good dude came down helped me build the fucking ranch man he's solid guy solid as it gets that's nice man it's good to have good friends yes especially ones

that can lift a fucking snowmobile but what's my one hand rat pull it out fucker that's a the world of professional athletes is so short that it's even more frustrating when someone gets... Like, if you're an accountant and they suspend you for five years, you know, hey, you could always get a job doing something else. Then five years from now, you get reinstated as an accountant. But when you're an athlete, you've got this short window. I mean, I think Nick started fighting when he was 18. So, you know, he's 32 now. He's got a few years left at max.

Yeah. Max. Yeah. Max. I mean, it's conceivable that he could come back at 37 since he does take care of his body. Maybe it's five years. That's a tough comeback. It's a very tough comeback. Financially, what are you doing? Right.

You're accustomed to a lifestyle that you've been fighting. I am, at least. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I'm super degenerate with my money. Everyone knows that. It's nothing to do with anything. So, I mean, if something happened to me today, I mean sure I'm a super degenerate my money everyone knows that's yeah I mean what if I were to if something happened today I don't know what I do you would have to go on the road and start doing seminars

But you're because of your style and because of Nick style You guys are both really well loved like if something like that happened with you You could do seminars and make a few grand every week maybe maybe not in Dublin and make a few grand every weekend. Maybe not in Dublin. I'd have to go anywhere. Maybe not in Dublin? Once you guys fought, you could do it.

If you and Connor fought and duked it out and had an epic contest, then you could do it. I'm just a big stick in the mud. Or if you beat them a couple times decisively, you'd have to beat them where they'd have to just give in. They'd have to say, all right, you had to beat them. You beat them. You beat them. But if you're fucking cut down to 145,

you'd never touch him. Fucking Connor. He's like, look, man, I appreciate the fuck out of what that guy's doing. He's getting eyes on the sport. Yeah, he is. He really pisses me off. I feel like you're telling me when he was in the fucking press conference, I wanted to rip him so bad. Of course.

I wanted to kill him. I wanted to be like, you know what, Connor, you can blow me like a cup of hot soup, you son of a bitch. Blow me like a cup of hot soup? How does that work? You blow like a cup of hot soup. How's that work you blow on the cup of hot soup is that what it is? Yeah, okay? But if he just blows you like that That's why it's confusing the vernacular is really odd like blow job. I don't understand what Blow me like a cup of hot soup first time first time there you go. Yeah, I've never heard that one before. I've been around. Blow me like a cup of hot soup.

But the fucking guy, look, when he said to Dos Anjos, that shit was hilarious. Right. Like, you know, he's like, if you get a fight with me, you've made it. Yeah. You call to your wife, honey, put on the fucking red panties, we made it. Come on. I appreciate the fuck out of that dude's shit. His red panties. We made it. Come on. I appreciate the fuck out of that dude's shit. His shit-talking game is better than anybody.

It is. He's the best ever. Yeah. I mean, and Nick Diaz is right, because, you know, like, what his antics inside the Octagon, like, Nick's antics inside the Octagon fuck with a lot of people's heads. Sure. Like, the first fight with Robbie Lawler, like, I remember, it was the first time I ever saw Nick talk shit. It was the first fight with Robbie Lawler.

Because Robbie was dangerous. Very dangerous. So Nick took that shit-talking to DEFCON 5. And he got into the octagon. And the first thing he does, he gets into the octagon. He looks over at Robbie. He goes,

Stockton, motherfucker! Stockton! And he starts walking around. Stockton, motherfucker! And Robbie's like, what the fuck is he talking about? What does that even mean? Yeah, exactly. And then the entire time, the fuck is he talking about? What does that even mean? Yeah, exactly.

And then the entire time the fight is going on, like, what, bitch? What you gonna do, bitch? What you gonna do, bitch? And then he hit him. Oh, bitch, I just stung you, bitch. And he'd be popping him. And Robbie Lawler didn't talk back to him, but you could clearly see he didn't anticipate that. But I don't-

As far as Nick and Nate go, I don't know if that's like a game plan that they're, that's just like their real life. That's just them. Yeah. Like, I think if they were on the street, they'd be like, what bitch talk? Oh yeah. That's like real life talk. Like that's what they know.

But it's still like, bitch, like that, that's, that's, that's them. That's them being them. You know what I'm saying? But it is still a psychological tactic. Sure. It's an excellent tactic. And do you think- Anderson Silva, it fucked Anderson Silva's head up, dude.

Some bitch laid out on the mat. Yeah. He laid down like this. Like he was bored and he was taking a nap. Fighting the greatest pound for pound fighter in the history of the sport. And he lays down. And then he gets up with his hands down like, what bitch? What bitch?

It's fucking- And he didn't do any of that leading up to the fight, which was even more fucked up. Because I don't think Anderson expected it at all. And then when he was in there talking shit to him, you could see Anderson just like moving around and not doing anything. Frozen and, you know, thinking about like, there's a case in front of it. What, bitch? And Anderson had never experienced that before. Man.

Come on, lady. Anderson is the greatest psychological fall I've ever seen in my career. To witness him go from the guy who beat Stefan Bonner, who steps his back up against the cage, drops his hands, is like, come on, go ahead, and then moves out of the way and then decides, all right, now I'm going to attack, hits Bonner with a knee to the stomach, drops him, and then pounds him out and TKO's him. And then looks like a guy in the fucking Matrix. I mean, and then to go from that confidence to the two Weidman fights, man, they did a number on him.

They did a number on him like I've never seen before. It's fascinating to see. It's fascinating to see how a guy could be almost just unbeatable. And then Weidman after the second fight. I mean, you've got to think about the second fight. Anderson broke his leg, right? Sure. Weidman didn't knock him out.

He broke his leg. I mean, he had him hurt bad in that first round. But then after that fight, Weidman's like, you know what? I don't want to fight him again. I don't want to hurt him. Like, whoa. Like, just for Anderson to hear that, it's got to be like, that's a mind fuck, man. And I mean, you're coming up, I mean, the mind is such a motherfucker.

Like, if you could just get your mind to do what your heart wants to do, life would be so much easier. Yeah. I think, like, there are so many times I'm in the cage, like. Right? And I don't know if my brain knew what my heart was trying to say but that's what i wanted to do you know and it's so and then you it's fuck bro i can't even put words on you know it's crazy do you do any mental training do you do any meditating or any visualization fucking ice cold budweiser brother what are you talking about

god damn it no a fucking fight is a fight. But I probably maybe should. I mean, but it's in this sport. It's not like that's what I was telling Blake Griffin today. Like, hey, man, you have a bad day. You fall back and let your team pick up the slack. I have a bad day. I'm the worst fighter in the world.

My Twitter feed is just nothing but you pussy. You fucking die. Well, there's a difference between a guy losing a basketball game, too, and getting shit on by the fans. All you have to do is stay offline for a couple days, you know, and you hit that three-pointer to win the game, and you're a fucking hero again. Again, back up. Yeah, you're back up. Yeah. But for a fighter, man, especially because fighting, like when a kid, or especially an idiot, looks at a fighter, they look at something that is so unattainable

They might as well be talking to a unicorn. You know they might as well be talking to a god They might as well be talking to someone who's not even real so they feel like you they can talk shit to you Did you say God and something real I cannot even sense I like it yeah, that's what I'm saying You know like you're you're. You're fucking Zeus or something. You know what I'm saying? Dude, they're... You are not... They don't relate to you.

And when they're writing this thing, they're sitting there, their fucking keyboard getting crazy. Oh, man. I don't know what I just did. I think I might have deleted something. So, I mean, the craziest thing about fighting is if you and I were to go out and fight right now, there's no emotion. There's no thought. It's just fucking get it. Right.

But now, December 18th, I have this entire time. This big window to think about it. And the problem, it's not the fight that bothers me. Nothing at all. And I think I speak maybe for all fighters. I don't know. I don't give a shit. But it's, I got my grandma sitting ringside.

I got all the people I meet along the way that I've met and I've interacted with and hung out. And in their mind, when they talk to people like, oh, yeah, I'm going to Cowboys fight, he's going to fuck this dude up. You know what I mean? So the precedent is so high. The pressure. The pressure. Unbelievable. Do you talk to those people leading up to that fight?

I don't even know if it's talking to them or if it's just knowing that they're there and knowing that the pressure's unbelievable. So when you're in that fight and they're like, are you ready? Are you ready? And sometimes you're like, fuck, no, I'm not ready. What are you talking about? Are you kidding me? No, I'm not ready.

There's never going to be a time when I'm ready for this. No, no, no, I'm not ready. There's never going to be a time when I'm ready for this. No, no, no. I'm not sweating. I'm fucking, my heart's pounding in my chest. And they're like, bing. And you're like, oh shit, fake it till you make it. And it's time to, you know, it's unbelievable, man. And you got to go out there and is he ready?

Sometimes you look across at him and he's like, he doesn't look ready. But he hit me, you know what I mean? Like it's sometimes. Right. And some of those times when you're sitting in the corner you look across and you're like second got him check i can see it i broke him i got it sometimes you look across you're like i don't know what is this dude gonna come out really hard in the third like it's so it's crazy like uh the eddie alvarez fight third

round come out he came i was like oh hey man hey man hey man slow down you know what i mean like so it's it's it there's so much mind shit that goes on. Like I said, if I can get my fucking mind to do what my heart wants to do, I feel like I can beat anyone in the world. But the problem is being ready on game day, man. It's so tough. But listen to me. Why don't you do any mental preparation?

I did. I tried. I tried to meet mental people. I don't fucking do anything. That's all hokey pokey. Fucking shit. Hokey pokey. Turn yourself around. Turn do anything. That's all hokey pokey. Fucking shit. Hokey pokey. Turn yourself around. Turn yourself around. That's what it's all about.

You know, I feel the mental game is so hard to grasp because, yeah, Henry Smith and Jafari are calling out what I should do. Right. I see what I should do. Right. But I don't do it. You just, I'm like frozen. Right.

I'm like a stick in the mud. Right. But do you think that, like, okay, like when you're in the heart of battle, okay, let me ask you this. When you're at your best, like, let's say in a particularly impressive fight, like the Jim Miller fight. Sure. The Jim Miller fight, you were on fire.

You just look, you look so dominant in that fight and you look so focused and you just, your combinations, your distancing, everything was was on point when you're in that zone Right right when you like right before you stopped him. What is in your mind? Are you empty? Are you blank? I mean, so I'm gonna be a fucking thousand percent honest with you. I'm like a video game in a third person Right, so I see myself from behind my head Playing myself how fucking that's the loon taking my brain talking, but that's how I see the fights, right? from behind my head playing myself. How fucking... That's the lunatic in my brain talking.

But that's how I see the fights. Right. I don't see the fight, me fighting you. I see it from like a helicopter view above my fucking right shoulder. Whoa. And I see it like when I'm in the zone and I'm...

So, you know what I mean? So you're not emotional. I step back and I do this little hop and that puts me like... Then I go behind and I'm fucking dialed in. And it's like ding, ding, everything just flows. And I see myself out of body. It's crazy as that fucking sounds, right?

From like a third party. Well, I haven't heard it before from anybody else, but it doesn't sound crazy. Because I think what you're talking about is it's not you. Like you're outside of you. Yeah not you. You're outside of you. I'm literally outside of me. It's like I'm telling that person what to do from an outside perspective. So when you're at your best like that, would you say that you're— Like the Dunham fight, the entire Dunham fight.

Perfect example. From bell to bell, the Dunham fight, I was outside. I mean, there wasn't a point. We touched, I remember clear as day seeing myself run across and touch gloves, and he was fucking on, like, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee. What was the fight before the Dunham fight? Dos Anjos. So, do you think that because of the Dos Anjos loss, like, you got more focused, more intense,

and then came out in the Dunham fight and you were just on fire? Fuck, I wish I had an answer for that. I don't know. I mean, I totally underestimated that Dos Anjos fucking will not happen again. He's gotten a lot better. Good. That guy works hard. Good.

I know he's your adversary and you're fighting him. But when you're at your best, would you say that you're, you don't have any emotions at all? You're zero, right? Zero at, at, at zero. Yeah. And then when you are frustrated and you're in a bad place, you're battling your emotions, trying to calm them down, right?

Absolutely. Trying. Yeah. It's like, I'm, I'm like trying to find second gear. Yeah. Right. Right. You know, it's like the worst sound in the world.

You know what I mean? That's what it fucking feels like. Right.'m just i try to grind in grind and grind you're like go motherfucker that's and you talk to yourself fucking you fucking pussy go go yeah you know and that's and that's what's like going through my mind like i'm i can't find it i just can't find second gear and and when you're in that place is the most frustrating right absolute most frustrating man there's nothing i mean it's like what do i what do you do well do you think that it's possible that through mental training and through specific techniques you could get better at achieving that what we you would call maybe like a flow state the same way you got better

at being a fighter like think about your first days of fighting when you first learned Muay Thai. You know, you weren't, like, I'll tell you when I first saw you. I first saw you when you were on the Tap Out show. Sure. Because I was like, who is this wild motherfucker hanging out with masks and throwing head kicks? But the cool thing about you, I thought you sort of, you were the personification of an idea that Eddie Bravo and I both had.

And that idea was if you get a guy who's a really good kickboxer but also has a really good guard, they're fucking super dangerous because they're not worried about getting taken down. So they throw those kicks freely. So you won a lot of your early fights by submission off your back. Correct. Because, yeah, for one, my wrestling was zero. Right. So, I mean, it's not like I was like, oh, just kick freely and defend.

They just take me down. But as fun as you were to watch back then when I first watched you. Are you telling me I'm not fun now? Is that what's going on here? No, no, no. You're a lot better now, right? Sure. You're a lot better now.

So you got better at that. Do you think that you could get better the same way with your mind i'm achieving a float and don't you think that you should practice that though i should i should i'm gonna work on that i'm gonna work on that i think if you had a coach that could work through that with you so you talk about this mind right and there's been times when I've been hitting pads mm-hmm and I fucking just go into flow state you're in zone I go into it yeah I've seen you do it I've seen videos of you and then two days ago by and I don't see it right three days a month that's how it goes though right then sometimes like

and it dude it is like it's like a drug, man. I think that state exists in everything. I think singers experience it. I think all sorts of basketball players, all sorts of different athletes experience that state. And it's all about trying to find that state. That state exists in stand-up comedy. That state exists in, and I think in everything that's difficult to do, there's a time where you zone into it. Zone in, man.

Or zone out. Yeah, whatever it is. Whatever it is. But it only comes if you've dotted all your I's and crossed all your T's. Right. You have to have no worries at all about your preparation. Oh, no, no, no. Right?

That all has to be absolutely, yeah, you know. Yeah. You're right. There can't be any fucking. Do you think that drinking has any effect on your physical performance, or do you think that you do it at a level where you're not fucking with your endurance? Well, that's the thing. I think people think that Cowboy just drinks fucking 12-pack a night, but that's not.

Like how many beers do you drink on a regular basis? With dinner, a couple. If I'm out with friends, a couple. You know, we'll put the six-pack down. graduate 12 12 pack i don't know but uh we're engaging and having a good time so right this is a rare moment do i sit at home and drink alone no absolutely you're a social drink social drinker i hang out with my friends i'd have a couple beers you know what dinner um but a lot of times train you when you're training you're sore you come home you know you at dinner. But a lot of times when you're training, you're sore. You come home, you know, you roll, and you're like, oh, my God.

You want a beer. Yeah. Did you put two, three beers down? You're like, oh, thank you. Tastes so much better. So much better. Ice cold beer after training is one of the best. Actually, it's good for you, too, because there's something. They say it's better than chocolate milk, right?

Well, it's up there. As long as you don't have too much of it. There's like a point of diminishing returns. On that fucking note. They say that, like, I guess it's the hops or whatever it is that can replenish the glycos in your body. You know who was a glucogen, glycogen, whatever it is? You know who was a big believer in that? One of the best ever.

Boss Rootin. Boss Rootin never stopped drinking. He goes, hey, I have a drink or two every night. Boss Root never stopped drinking. He goes, hey, I have a drink or two every night. Well, he did eventually because he sort of developed an issue where he was getting a little crazy with it. But when he was training, he would have a couple of beers at night, and he didn't stop having it. I mean, sometimes I'll drink two, three, four nights in a row. And I'll go, I won't have a beer for a week, two weeks, I don't know.

So here, I'm going to tell you the problem with drinking. Are you ready for Cowboy's philosophy on drinking? I've been ready forever. All right. A week, two weeks, I don't know. You know, and I... So here, I'm going to tell you the problem with drinking. Okay. Are you ready for Cowboy's philosophy on drinking? I've been ready forever. All right. So me and you have a six-pack. We roll over to dinner. Six-pack leads to a 12-pack.

Leads to us drinking shots. Leads to us staying up until 2 in the morning. Right. And what do you do at 2 in the morning? You chase pussy. Right. So now you fucking find a girl. You go home. She plays the I don't want to give you the pussy game until 6 pussy. Right. So now you fucking find a girl. You go home.

She plays the I don't want to give you the pussy game until 6 a.m. I don't want to give you the pussy game. This sounds very rapey. So finally,

finally at 6, 7 a.m. you do your deed. Right. Finally. Now I got training at 9.30. I don't make it. Right. So that's where I feel alcohol.

Yes. But if I have four or five beers, I don't make it. Right. So that's where I feel alcohol. Yes. But if I have four or five beers, I go home, go to sleep. Is that going to affect my training tomorrow? I don't think so, not at all. As long as you have water, as you're not dehydrated, all that jazz. Yeah. Do you watch your diet? No, absolutely not.

Absolutely not. Well, Floyd Mayweather ate burgers, 49 and 0. Yeah, I mean, I just eat whatever I want, I drink whatever I want, and that's my life, man. So you never, like, you don't have, like, a Dolce guy or something like that that monitors your... A Dolce guy. How dare you? What's wrong with a Dolce guy? How dare you?

Nothing's wrong. It works great for Rhonda, apparently, but... It does. It works great for a lot of people, right? No, I don't. I can't have you telling me. If you said, cowboy, don't drink that beer, you can't eat pizza, motherfucker, I'm going to eat a whole pizza.

I'm going to fucking cry. Because pizza's like sex. Bad pizza or good pizza is still fucking pizza, brother. But is there a way you could have the best of both worlds? Is there a way that you could figure out how to give your body the best fuel and maybe it'll give you a little slight edge on it? That's gonna help a little. You know, supplements will

help. Vitamins will help. I don't take supplements. You don't take any vitamins? Nothing? Nothing. How old are you now? 32. Around 34. I mean, my friends can definitely preach for me. I don't take shit. Nothing?

Nothing. No protein powders? Nothing? I use a little bit of medicinal marijuana on the fucking knee. The CBD oil. You know what you should do with the knees? The fucking stem cell injections are incredible, man. Cormier had one.

He was like that close to surgery. He had a stem cell injection in his knee and fixed him right up. Yeah. Rhonda's apparently thinking about it. She had one of her judo coaches just had stem cells done in his knee. So you're steering me away from medicinal marijuana. No, I want you to do that too. Do that too, but don't do it as much

as Nick Diaz. If you do it, refuse the urinalysis, the urine test. No, I didn't. It was like a rub. I was in Colorado. I got a... Oh, yeah, they have creams.

A cream. It's exactly what it was. It was like a cream. I think it was like a 50 to 1, 50 CBD percent to 1 THC. I got some of that shit, but I'm scared of it. Bro, I put it on my knee. I didn't feel. I mean, there wasn't any...

No, there wasn't. It was only like 1%, 50 to 1. Oh, so it's all CBD and very little THC. Correct. Oh, I put it on my knee. I didn't feel. I didn't get on? No, it was only like 1%, 50 to 1. Oh, so it's all CBD and very little THC. Correct. Oh, I see. And due to a week of it, my knee felt great. What's one of the best anti-inflammatories? Unbelievable.

But I don't smoke weed. I don't shy on people that do. I don't give a fuck. You do whatever the hell people want. It doesn't make no difference to me. I just wish I could be un-high. Have you ever been like... I used to get high when I was a kid. I'd be like, fuck, I'm

done being high. I wish I could be un-high right now. Kind of like if you drink too much and you're spinning and you try to put your foot down on the floor. I wish I could be un-fucking-drunk right now. Same kind of deal. Well, it's like everything. A little bit of moderation is good. a couple toots just a little bit hang out with the girlfriend make a little kissy-kissy yeah one of the best

I mean one of my good friends Eric Bohnenkamp that's why he smoked religiously every day and I would be why she lay Harvard floor so I give me let me hit that thing in the next you know I'm over in the corner fucked out of my mind I don't have a tolerance for it and you're jumping right into the deep end of the pool. You need swimming lessons. Right. Okay? You need to learn how to hold your breath, breathe in, breathe out.

There's a lot of shit that goes into that. You can't just... I've had a lot of friends that are like, let me see what the fuss is all about. And I'll go, okay, listen to me. This shit right here? There's glass tips, okay? Smell this. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They use glass. Glass at the tip. Take a smell? Those glass tips, okay? Smell this. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They use glass. Glass at the tip. Take a smell of that. Just smell it. Smell it. Just smell it. See that?

That's not to be fucked with. No, you don't fuck with it? No, that's not to be fucked with. You can smoke it, but you gotta be fucking careful. This looks like something that I would find out on Colfax in Colorado, like a crackhead. Crackhead, yeah. Well, you gotta deal with this stigma. If you handed me this, Joe, I'd be like...

I know, right? Well, usually you use paper at the end of it, but glass is better than paper. And it comes in a fucking bitchin' little... Mm-hmm. Yeah, a little vial. You gonna spark that bitch up right now? I will if you want me to.

Do you want some of this? No, I'm not gonna, no. Okay. No, but I'll have a little. Yeah, watch. So vapor, kush vapor. There it is. Glass tip.

See, but I do this all the time. I wouldn't recommend a hit like that for a... That'd floor me. That'd be done. That'd be it. No, no, no. It will confuse people. It makes you anxious and freak out.

It makes you confront all sorts of shit that you've been keeping in the back of your head. But I confront that shit all the time so this is my friend okay so when i dig in on this so i mean i like i said i don't i don't smoke weed i mean i've done it of course and um we did a backpacking trip with a couple buddies of mine and they brought weeds of course i of course i smoked it you know backpacking weed go-hand. And I was in charge of the GPS. So where we were going, I don't know, but it was two miles as the crow flies. Every fucking time they asked me where I was going because we kept moving, but the spot we were going to stayed the same.

So everywhere we went, it says two miles as the crow flies. Two miles as the crow flies is such a fucking mountain term. People who have never hiked, they have no idea what you're talking about. Right. But that's the idea, folks, is that if you go down and then up, well, the distance between those points straight as a crow would fly is like a mile. But you're going like a mile and a half, two miles, maybe three. Forever.

And you're still two fucking miles. So every time I go, where are we at? I said, it's two miles of the crow flies Maybe I'd you motherfucker dude. I am amazed at how fucking tired hiking gets you just 80 pack rock on your back. Yeah, yeah dude Trust me when you're when especially in Colorado. Yeah, well we brought all our rock climbing you with us Oh, yeah, I tried 30 40 pounds of climbing gear 40 pounds of gear, and you're dealing with altitude.

Fuck, it's hard, man. Because we're traditional climbers. We set our own anchors. Oh, shit. I mean, if you're going to do it, why not? Well, I had this dude on. If you've got to make your sphincter fucking come all the way to a BB, right? Is that what you do?

You like to make your sphincter really fucking clamp down? That's the thing, right? That's living. That's motherfucking. I had this, though. When you're hanging out on one thing thing and you go to set that bolt, and you don't know if you set it good enough because you're fatigued. Oh, Jesus Christ.

And you got to clip the rope. I'm sweaty hands just hearing about this. I have this cat, Alex Honnold. You know who he is? He's like one of the greatest free climbers in the world. You want to talk about setting your sphincter? This guy climbs shit that most people don't even want to climb. That's him. Sitting up there. He climbs shit

with no ropes. And one time, he's halfway up the mountain when he realized that he forgot his fucking chalk. He didn't bring any powder. So he's halfway up the mountain. And I don't even like to do kettlebells without powder. What do you do at that point? Just kind of give it a little... He just kept going. He's an animal.

I mean, this fucking kid. Look at what he's doing. Look at this fucking angle. We call that now today, you're pot fucking committed. Right? When you're halfway, you don't just climb down. So his only option is where's the commode at? I gotta pee bad. Oh, right out there. Go right out the door and take a leak. I hear you, dude.

You gonna be alright, man? Yes. I'll be fine without you. Donald is gonna be fighting for the title uh in uh fuck when is it December December

in Orlando Florida and uh he's fighting Rafael Dos Anjos the guy who beat Anthony Pettis

who was uh one of the baddest motherfuckers in the sport so Dos Anjos is a beast it's a it's a really big fight a really important fight and it's a fight that He's one of the baddest motherfuckers in the sport. So Dos Anjos is a beast. It's a really big fight, a really important fight. And it's a fight that, I mean, as much as he'll talk about how much he doesn't give a fuck and he's having a good time and everything like that,

this is something he's been working towards for a long, long time. But while he's peeing, I can just tell you this, this is how this guy is all the time. He's not putting on a show. He's a great guy, too. He's fun to hang out with, man. He's always like this. He's always friendly. When you hear about him getting in fights with people,

the fact that he barely neck kicked that guy, if a lot of people said that, I'd be like, please, you fucking teed off on him. I would have probably teed off on him, but he really would hit him nice. Eddie Bravo and Ari Sheffield staring at me when I pee in there? Ari Sheffield! Ari

Sheffier. That's my buddy, Mike Maxwell, made a bunch of... Sheffier, Sheffield, my man. Sheffield? My girlfriend's last name is Sheffield, so that... Oh, that's very different. You think about Ari, you think about your girlfriend? Things got weird. They got super fucking weird. Yeah, my friend Mike

made a bunch of different pictures. This is what Joey back there we gotta revise the Joey. The Joey Diaz one didn't come out so good. No, which one was he? It's in the back. It didn't work out. So, I just bought some new guns. Yeah, I saw, man.

So, what is an integrally suppressed 300 Win Mag? That's where the suppressor is part of the barrel the suppressor for people that don't know guns as a silencer that's it makes it really quiet sounds like a faggot farting really all you hear nothing and I have a 300 we lag which so you have a 300 win yeah

it's so it's a motherfucker of a gun so so much kick um so this has very little kick too because it's zero kick So normally if you're good people they shoot and a double tap bing bing bing right right now you Whatever you want, that's insane insane So we are super super sonic rounds right which is it breaks a sound barrier. That's so in California isn't it this gun But so they make sub Sub sonic ammo sub sonic ammo right so you don't hear it right, but we were shooting supersonic ammo Oh, just to prove a point wow all you could hear is the bolt clink clink clink

It's insane bro insane so the guy that came out to my house. It's Keystone Armory Plugging them right now, but yeah, well please do came out to my house. It's Keystone Armory. Plugging them right now. Yeah, well, please do. They would spit down the barrel because suppressors aren't made to get wet. With that fucking gun. How many rounds does that hold? 30. Dude, my.300 wind bang is a

bolt-action rifle. It holds three. I have the same one. It's a great gun. We were literally shooting it in my backyard and the guys across the street we called them over. They were like, dude, we thought you guys were just using your nail gun shooting building house. That's insane It's like clink clink clink clink so they have nine millimeter 45 and You can't it sounds like a pelican

You can't even probably can't even possess them in California, which is really weird You know in Europe hunting without a silencer is rude Yeah. Which is really weird. You know, in Europe, hunting without a silencer is rude. Like, they all have suppressors because they don't want to hurt people's ears. Like, it doesn't make sense that you can hunt with an archery equipment, archery setup, which is totally silent.

You see that badass Talladega shirt I have on? You ever been to Talladega? Never been. Tell me about Talladega. It's so fun. Yeah? Talladega and Daytona, if you guys are NASCAR fans, or if you're not, you need to go just experience the infield weirdness. You know what I really like watching? I like people turning left and then right.

I like a lot of movement in my racing. I like that Formula One thing where they go around a lot. Listen, Kevin Harvick is a dear friend of mine. Number four all day. And, but... They're the best left turners on the planet. Ever, ever. Okay, so let's talk about this.

We're going here, okay? Okay. So I show up to Michigan. Michigan. Michigan. Kevin's racing, and I said, you know what? How fucking good, how good could it, I mean, how hard could it be? So I said, let's go to a go-kart race.

I'll fucking, I'll run with you. Right? So calls up the nearest go-kart track. I'll fucking run with you. So he calls up the nearest go-kart track. So we'll be right there. We show up. I said, where's the fastest kart? And fucking badass Kevin says, which one's the slowest? This motherfucker was running laps around me in the fucking go-kart.

And I'm a go-kart going motherfucker. I feel like you're not going to beat me in a go-kart. And he did. Very few people ever get to say, I'm a go-kart going motherfucker. He'd pull over and wait for me to catch up and fucking catch me again. It's all about how they, you know, when you're taking those corners and you hear, that means you're losing speed. He just knows how to cut the lines.

It's fucking unbelievable. Yeah. Well, I would imagine, even to be just a guy who does NASCAR, you would have to be one of the top drivers in The world the difference is that I appreciate the shit out of and women Danica. Oh, yeah She's hot too crazy. It's like the Ronda Rousey of racing. If a run is not hot how Dare you what how dare you say it loudly and probably goodness You have higher standards than me, sir.

I think she's hot as fuck. You don't think she's hot? I don't want to get into this. We don't want to go there? I like her too much. All right, that's fine. But when you watch Formula One racing... Do you feel like you have a biased opinion when you're commentating because you like her so much?

I have a biased opinion towards you, too. Okay. I do. Next question. I, too. Okay. I do. Next question. I try to suppress it. Next question. Look, I try to suppress it, but part of being a commentator is if, like, Uriah Faber. I love that dude.

Right. I think Uriah Faber is a cool motherfucker. I love talking to him. Right. When he fights, I have to put myself in a place where I don't think about that. TJ. When TJ fights, I have to put myself in a place where I don't think about it. I. TJ, when TJ fights, I have to put myself in a place where I don't think about it. I'll tell you what, I hate to tell you this, I love Conor.

Right. I love that dude. So my grandma always tells me she watches the fight and she has to put it on mute. And then she has to watch the real fight. She doesn't like me? No, no, she loves you. But she just likes to be no silence. Right, I understand.

And see the fight in its integrity. They should offer that. Because you, Joe, to the fans, can weigh the scale. I definitely can. I know that. That's why it's important for me. I try to be as objective. But I also have to be honest.

If something's happening and some guys, it hurts. But what you see sometimes the judges don't agree with. So sometimes the fans are heavy on the scale one side. I could be but I think I probably am better at it than the judges.

Sure. There's a real problem and that's an arrogant thing to say. The judges suck. They're real bad. I don't think they're fans. Bam Bam Haley fight that just happened. Yeah, I heard about it. It sucked. I heard about it.

Totally sucked. I'm not even remotely surprised. I have it recorded. I'm going to watch it. You know, Bam Bam's a dear friend of mine. You can watch it on Fight Pass, right? Fight Pass, yeah. Bam Bam won the fight.

We've seen that, man. We saw that. It happens all the time. Fucking Ramsey Nijm's last fight. It happens a lot. With the Henderson and myself first fight, I feel like I won. The third fight that we just had, I don't fucking know, man. It couldn't.

I got to honestly tell you, I thought he edged you. I just thought he edged you. But it was a very close fight. It wasn't a travesty. Sure. That was the mentally hardest fight I've ever had. And I'm not hiding any fact, you know? Benson is one of the fucking best on the planet.

And you're one of the best on the planet. It was a great fight. I mean, there was no doubt about it. It was a super high level, very entertaining fight. And Benson's coming down to help me train for this fight. That's awesome. I love that dude. So do I.

He's got a great soul. That's what he told me. He's like, hey, man, you got this one. They gave me the first one. Fucking go get it. That's awesome. I love that dude. So do I. He's got a great soul. That's what he told me. He's like, hey man, you got this one, they gave me the first one. Fucking go get it. That's what he said to me. That's beautiful. I'm glad he did that. You know, I'm biased towards a lot of guys. I'm biased towards

Chad Mendes. I love that dude. I think he's a great guy. But when they're fighting, damn dude, I try to let all that shit slide away. I try to look at it as objectively as possible. So like in the Ronda-Betch-Cohea fight, if Betch beat the fuck out of Ronda in that fight, I would be calling it as if it was one of the most spectacular moments in MMA, even though I'm a friend of Ronda's and a fan of hers.

How fucking badass did she look? God damn, she's good. That was a Leonard Garcia-Ronda fight. Yeah. She just bit down on her mouthpiece and fucked that girl up And did it like Flawlessly That fucking right hand she hit her with and then tagged her with the left As she's going down

She's not winging shit She's throwing perfect clean technique Those were wingers It was a chaos fight But she's throwing clean technique For her it's a winger but the way she landed the right hand, then as the girl's going down, she hits it with the left. There's no windup in that.

It's beep-bing. Beep-bing. Double tap. And she's only been fucking striking for a few years, man. It's a recent thing. Because if it will, it will. You know what, man? If you are one of those fucking people, like that girl's got that brain.

If you're one of those fucking people like that girl's got that brain Yeah, if you're one of those fucking people she could be the best surfer She could be she'd find her way you know if Danica Patrick was the number one NASCAR driver She'd find a way to get in front of that bitch right you know I'm saying sure There's some people out there that did like that girl doesn't have any loser in her she figures out a way to win Winning her whole life her mother is a bad motherfucker too. her whole life. Her mother is a bad motherfucker, too. Can you say that? A mother's a bad motherfucker? I say that with all due respect. Motherfucker is used as loosely as cunt is for Australian. Or English.

English. English is a term of endearment. He's a good cunt. I was with these wild... Fisher. He was just with me today, and that's all he says. You fucking cunt. You cheeky cunt. you cheeky cunt.

You cheeky cunt. You driving that RAM 350, you fucking cunt. What's an RAM 350? A Ram 3500. You don't know how to. I thought it was some kind of crazy. Right? No, it's a Ram.

A Ram truck. They don't even have those over there. I have a buddy who lives in Australia. Bro. He's the biggest truck you can get is like a Toyota Tacoma. These guys are... A Tundra or something. So we're at a bar in Vegas, and they just tell you,

Hey, you cunts. And I'm like, if I would say, Hey, you cunts, I'll get thrown out of the bar. Well, worldly folks know that it's different to them. He'd be like, Hey, barmaid. Hey, barmaid. Bring more rounds, you cunt. And she would just...

I mean, I don't know if you could understand him. And I was like, what is going on here? Did you tell him that cunt is different for us civilized folk? We absolutely had the time. Here in the modern world? They're living in the 50s over there. It's like a John Wayne movie. It is unbelievable.

I love Australia, man. I fucking love going there, too. I'm looking forward to Melbourne. I've never been to Melbourne. Yeah, Colin Oak's fighting there. Is he? Is he fighting that card? Fighting at the ranch.

I like that dude. Yes, Colin Oak. Strong dude. Colin Oak, wasn't he a bodyguard to the crocodile hunter? Yeah, he was. Isn't that crazy? We talk about it all the time. You want to know even a crazier fucking story?

So, Colin Oak and Jonathan Webb just signed to the UFC, trained the... Jonathan, who had to be at the ranch, came and trained Kyle for his fight the entire way. Kyle's opponent got pulled out, and they called Jonathan and had him take the fight. Whoa. So they trained for each other the entire fucking eight weeks.

Oh, my God. And then fought each other. Jesus Christ. So they have to fight each other or they did fight each other? They did. Where'd they fight? In Australia. Who won that fight? Kyle won. Wow. Damn. That's hard, right?

And Jonathan looked spectacular, man. It was unbelievable. It was crazy. For all of us, like, coaching and internal guides, it was like, what? But Kyle tells Jonathan, you idiot, if you don't take the fight you know i mean they're giving you a fight in the ufc all you want to do so you stupid son of a bitch take the fight wow and that's i mean that's have you had that happen to you um other than benson i mean

i fought um melvin gallard yeah oh that's right. You trained with Melvin a long time ago. Many years, yeah, very many years. There was some psychological warfare in that fight, too. Sure. Because you said that Melvin used to quit in training. You're like, I'm going to make him quit again. Yeah, absolutely. Why not? Psychological war.

Psychological war. On your friend, too, right? On your friend. Ooh. Dog-a-dog. But the son of a bitch came out and whammered, dammered me, didn't he? Yeah, he was like, whoa. Was it left hook? son of a bitch came out and whammered, dammered me, didn't he? Yeah, he was a left hook. Son of a bitch, hold up here.

Yeah. Was that the hardest time you've ever been hit? I think you said in one of those UFC countdown things, that was the hardest time you've ever been hit. Other than Leonard training, yeah. I was one of the... Leonard training? Jesus Christ.

The dude, rock on a rope, you know? So other than that, but... Rock on a rope, that's hilarious. Rock on a rope. People don't know what you're talking about. If you had a rock on the end of a rope and just swung it, that's the way Leonard throws punches. Rock on a rope.

A rock on a rope. Wow. I mean, yeah. There's a great video where Connor, love him or hate him, is teaching when he's coaching this season in the Ultimate Fighter, and they're doing these real specific drills. And he said a cool thing that I think John Cavanaugh says. He said, this is upgrading your software without damaging your hardware.

There's two schools of thought, right? There's that school of thought, like fight smart, train smart, and then there's a school of thought where you ride jet skis over the top of cliffs the day before you fight. Oh, we made weight. Let's go fucking swim with sharks. You know? I mean, that's your school of thought. It's sort of a different school of thought.

Very much so, yeah. How hard training sessions are you having in camp? Are you guys going full out? Sure, sure. I mean, some some days some days not it depends not so i may i may wake up on a tuesday like i'm not feeling it and i'll go fucking wakeboard you just decided not train yeah i mean i got all the guys on my coach right there and they they've been with me for so long that they just say okay so you know a lot of people

think that that actually is a smart thing that that that's active recovery. If I'm sore and I'm tired, I'll call it. Today's not the day. But you like to still do things, though. Oh, yeah. I mean, we go rock climbing, wakeboarding. Right. But if you think about that, like, so you're still working. You're still moving your body.

Right. You're not taking a day and just sleeping. Man, there's been, I don't know how many days in my life that I've just done nothing but sleep. Look at today's day. I got off the plane, went surfing, trained old boy, and now I'm here. That's just your thing. Get home at midnight. You're just always moving.

Running and a-gunning, baby. I love it, man. I love it. I mean, that's just, that's my, that's how I'm geared. I just have to, I have, and my friends have to take breaks. They tell me all the time, like, Cowboy, I got a week for you. After that, we got to tag team somebody else in because we can't keep this fucking pace. You're too much.

You go, go, go, go, go, go. Like, there's days that I'll train, wakeboard all day, and come back and train. Wow. And just, mm. go, go, go. Like there's days that I'll train, wakeboard all day and come back and train. Wow. And just, but you're enjoying it. So you're getting a rush the whole time. So the way I look at life right now is I'm retired now. Because when I quit making money

and it's time to properly retire, I'm not going to have any money. So going to Fiji and go scuba diving is like, oh, what's scuba diving? My favorite thing. I'm going 400 feet. All you need is a good financial advisor. All you need is someone who you trust to take care of your money and handle shit and make

sure you always- And say what? And say what? The goddamn money? Have you ever seen a hearse with a trailer hitch? This is what I'm saying. Have you ever seen a hearse with a trailer hitch? All right.

But if you just stay being cowboy, we just need to figure out a way to get this out. You don't ever have to work again a day in your life. Probably. When you're done fighting, you're not going to be broke. You just need the right guy to steer you. You're a fucking. I got my grandma. I call her all the time.

Maybe she's the gal. She is. Perfect. I ask her what I should do and she says fucking ride it till the wheels burn off the motherfucker. You just need to let people know you're out there. That's all you need to do. I mean, what you've got, what you are. I mean, I'm not blowing you.

I'm retired now. What you are is like what everybody wants out of their superheroes. What you are is what everybody wants out of their. I'm 50. And I'm old as fuck and I can't wakeboard. When fans see a guy like like that's what everybody wants. They want a guy who's just living like a fucking wild man and going in there. There's something appealing to that.

There's something appealing. It's called live a life like worth living. But there's something appealing to the Spartan too, right? There's something appealing to the guy who's willing to not have sex, shut out all distractions, put a fucking poster on his wall, write down his goals. Some Dan Gable type dude who's just stoic and fucking never-ending and indomitable spirit and this guy just doesn't do anything bad for his body hey brother you want to go fucking wakeboarding with me he's

like oh man i'm fucking in the zone and i'm like what's the the zone we were talking about when you're behind no that's not today today. That's in your fight. Let's go have some fun today. And I said, well, alright, I'm going to go have some fun. It's a balance, right? It's trying to figure out what's the best way to do it. What's the best way to do it? Because like Dan Gable I brought up. Did you play football? No, never played football.

Steered away from that shit. So you hear the guys that are still 35, 40 years old talking about that game that they had. I think that's what I search for every day. Fighting is fucking, I love it. I get it six times a year if I'm lucky.

This year, I get it one time. I think that's why I do the things I do because it gives me that feeling that I'm searching for, that scared what am I doing? Oh my god feeling Well, you like proving yourself and you like adventure and those are two things that a lot of people shy away from I mean If you know competition if you came right now said you're better bow hunter me. I'll be able to set the motherfucker target. Let's go Let's do it. Yeah, that's just I mean so well

That's also the only way you get good at anything. True. People shy away from that. There's only one way you get, you surround yourself with bad motherfuckers who are doing exactly what you do, and you force yourself to keep up. And we all, and y'all inspire each other. That is the problem in this sport. Because I see that in the gym all the time. You see the guys, sparring day comes, or grappling day comes, you see all the guys finding the guy they know they can beat.

They don't go after the guy that kills them. Me? I want you, motherfucker. Right. I want... You want the toughest challenge? Are you the baddest dude? You want...

Let's go. Fuck me up. You want the one that's going to stir you up inside. Yes. Fucking burn me. Where you submit me three times in five minutes, not going to happen again. Because, you know what I mean? That's how I think.

You fucking fuck me up i'm calling my coaches like i just got fucked up right let's fix this problem right right so that's i mean i want the guys that push me i need those i need that in my life well when you get to the level that you're at too you also realize that those guys that push you are the reason why you put in that extra effort that takes you to the top of your ability. And there's a few guys that we all know that never quite reach the top of their ability. Like you hear about them in the gym. They're fucking on fire.

They just have, you know, they have days where they're world beaters. And for whatever reason, they don't ever get it together in the moment of crisis. The gym heroes. Yeah. Right? Absolutely. This sport is unbelievable, man.

It's like you have to be able to go out there and fight at your best every single day. And you have to execute under insane pressure. That's the most admirable quality about it. You know, like sometimes when I look around, like that was one of the craziest things about Ronda's fight was after she knocked out Betch Goheia, she just strutted around the cage and looked up at everybody, just took it all in.

She just face-planted that chick on a straight out of Compton ad. I mean, she really did. Which the movie was fucking unbelievable. I didn't see the movie. You haven't seen the movie? No, I didn't see the movie. It's great. I'm sure it's great.

It's great. I'm sure it's great. It's great. But the fact that she face planted her on that and then just walked around, like that moment, like that moment, who the fuck understands that moment but her? Who are you? Or anybody who experiences it? You know, the moment where, you know, think of like the Edson Barboza fight when you crack him with that jab and then take his back. Like that moment when he taps and you stand up and the whole crowd goes

ape because it was chaos up until that moment right he came out guns blazing then you caught him with that jab he went down you got his back and strangled him that moment man when you so i knew in the fire in that moment barbosa says he blinks but in that moment about 20 seconds before that moment i know i got him how'd you know because he hit me with fucking everything he had in the kitchen sink and when he unloaded bing bing bing bing kicked me as hard as he could and i just stood there and he looked at this corner was like now what i was like gotcha so wow so you saw a moment of thinking and a moment of contemplation i got it like got you he's a talented mother

for talented absolutely that switch kick that he was hitting Paul Felder with was the fastest switch kick I've ever seen in my life I've never seen anybody throw it like that hard and fast like Jesus fucking Christ well Mark Henry and Paul the ginger so it's showing a little bit more he would be a black dude he could be black like Czech Congo. You would have been impressed by that kick. That kick was insane. He's so fast, man.

His coach, Mark Henry, that's a guy who's one of the most underappreciated guys in the sport. And after the fight, they came and said, man, we studied Paul Tuitsi. We took this fight so serious. Dude, he's a wizard, that guy. He's unsung. He's a really quiet guy. He doesn't want

a lot of attention. But I admire the fuck out of the way that guy coaches Frankie Edgar. How about Connor and Frankie? I love Frankie. Have you ever seen the guy who goes, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you're cool, and fuck you. That's how I feel

like what happened at the press conference. Because all he said to Frankie was, you're welcome. That was it. So I felt like the fuck you. That's what I feel like would happen at the press conference. All he said to Frankie was you're welcome. That was it. I felt like the fuck you, you're cool and fuck you. That's what would happen. The ability of level change that he puts with his box.

I love Frankie. Frankie will set, you've got to run an ultra marathon with him. You've got to run an ultra marathon with him. You've got to be willing to go to the depths of your ability. And there's a guy that fought at 55 undersized and won the fucking title. Always. Crazy. Won the title undersized.

He was so much smaller than BJ, so much smaller than a lot of the guys he beat. Had those tough fights with Henderson. I mean, that fight with Cub Swanson I was like good lord that fucking pace he puts on people he's like he's taking it to the next level when I talk about guys who put paces like that wrestlers break you pace

nobody like Frankie right now in the sport he's the epitome of that style of fighting maybe Weidman could show it too in some fights if he gets the right opponent how do you feel about the Weidman it's a crazy fight Rock holds a bad motherfucker. That's a crazy fight Rock hold Rock holds jujitsu is nasty man the way he controlled Lyoto Machida I was impressed as fuck. I was like Jesus Christ his ground-to-pound his control on the ground

He he beat Lyoto Machida at every facet of the game and that was impressive as fuck to me that was a high profile fight that impressed the fuck out of me you know I think it's a great fight Weidman's a monster man what do you think you're laughing no no I Rockwell's a dear friend of mine

I love that dude I mean he's out of Khabib's camp yeah I know i know about all that great dude but well khabib you know there's always going to be that thing going on between all you guys at the very top sure you know why not stirring the pot again like a guy like khabib you kind of need that motherfucker that guy's your he's he's like a tank of propane out there for you you know know? He's gonna heat that

gym, you know what I mean? That's the guy. Like, cause he's so fucking good. I mean, you look at the way he manhandled Dos Anjos, I'm like, Jesus Christ. Habib Nurmagomedov is a grappling motherfucker. His wrestling, as someone who appreciates the guy's ability to impose

his game plan, he impresses the fuck out of me. Absolutely. That guy's a giant tank of propane for Cowboy. That's it. What a crazy way to make a living, man. You got all these tanks of propane out there. Anthony Pettis. That's it.

He's another propane tank. Oh, yeah. Right? Anthony told me, Anthony said, Cowboy, if you need me to come down and train you for Dos Anjos, I hate that motherfucker. Really? I'll be there. Wow. I said, Pettis, I that motherfucker. I'll be there. Wow. I said, Pettis, I might just hit you up on that.

Wow. That would be a good thing, man. He can give you some insight. I love that dude. So do I. I mean, again, with Pettis, I got nothing bad. I really don't have anything bad to say about any of the guys over the top. You know, it's just.

Well, you know what, man? Ultimately, outside of you guys competing against each other, you admire what it. Because you uniquely know what it takes to be in the position that an Anthony Pettis or a Rafael Dos Anjos or Nate Diaz or, you know, fill in the blank. All those guys, you uniquely know what it takes to be in.

It's a very small fraternity. Sure. Of guys at the elite level. And your division, 155 is just chaos. Like that whole division is like, look at it. It's just killer after killer after killer. Absolutely. Killers coming up,

fucking sharks just... That's what 155 is, like someone throwing a goat in the water in South Africa and watching a fucking sea of sharks.

Get it. Yeah, I mean, it's cool to see that you guys, you know, reasonably are friendly with each other. Absolutely.

Considering. Considering. Considering. So what do you think about your boy, theish the irish muppet coming up to 155 conor mcgregor yeah mcnugget i thought what did you say about him about kicking the lucky charms out of his ass i said he came up to 155 i bent him over and fucking knocked the lucky charms out his ass i don't know how that works it's like like blowing on hot soup. So you wouldn't believe the uproar of the Irish community

I got from that. What would you expect them to do, be silent? I'd be more shocked. What if they didn't respond? I'd be more nervous. I'd be like, was my joke that bad?

Me talking shit about a leprechaun is like you talking me bad about Santa Claus. Like, I would, like, oh, you went there? Like, come on. You know what I mean? Is a leprechaun

like their sacred guy? It's like a unicorn. Yeah, I don't know what it is, but a leprechaun is fictional. It's a weird one. But it's totally,

well, it is unless you take the right amount of mushrooms. You can meet leprechauns. So, I mean, to me, that's where it came from, you know. Connor is the leprechaun sitting on the big old tub of gold.

He is, right? Absolutely. He's got a pot of gold for sure. So if you think I'm not going to come out of that pot of gold, I'm going. Why not? Of course. Come to 155. I got open arms, baby.

It would be a fun fight. I would love it. I think he really struggles to make 145. And I think with this new law where you can't use the IV, you know, when he fought Chad Mendez, man, at the weigh-in, he looked extremely drawn. His cheeks were sucked in. His body looked really small. Like, Uriah and him had some weird little altercation in the hallway.

Right. Staged. And it wasn't staged, but Uriah is not, like, he doesn't want to fight in the street with him right before he's going to fight Chad. I wish a motherfucker would. I know you do. But what Uriah had said was that, he said, dude, he feels really small. He loses a lot of weight. I think he loses close to 30 pounds or 25 pounds.

He gets up to 170 in the normal, in the 170 range. So 155 is where he belongs, really. That's probably the healthy weight class for him. And how do you feel about Aldo and him? It's a wild fight. It's a wild fight. Can he deal with you know um i didn't deal with the kicks i tell you i tell you what man um aldo has been around for so long this is jumping in we're jumping from guns to religion to pre-biblical we're just talking all right that's how it goes we're jumping this isn't like a radio show like

a kangaroo fucking Australian cunt. Yeah, he's fucking. The whole thing, man. Budweiser. Budweiser. Weed. I think if you look at all the. Callan says he's locked out.

Did you lock the fucking door? Callan's out there? Yeah, I'm going to go get him. Is he out there right now? Yeah, you got him? Is he really? Jamie will go get him. He said I'm locked out.

Oh, that's hilarious. Tell him we're coming. Yeah, don't worry. I love this dude. I'll give him a key. Shit. He's done podcasts here without me. He's one of the few guys.

Him and Brendan Schaub, they had a fight companion podcast. But what were we just saying? What the fuck were we just talking about? We were talking about Leprechaun. Oh, no, the Aldo fight. Oh, look who it is, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, this sexy bitch. My man.

Brian Callen has just unexpectedly showed up. We have a big show tonight. Yes, we do. What time do we have to be out of here? We're good, man. We'll leave here like half an hour or so. Fantastic. It's just you and me.

The show can't start without us. That's true. Look at this. Look at how tan Donald is. We're doing the Ventura. What is it? The Hong Kong? We're going to be at the Hong Kong Inn.

We've got two shows, 8 o'clock and 10 o'clock. I think we're headlining the festival or something. There's a festival? Bam? The Hong Kong? We're going to be at the Hong Kong Inn. We've got two shows, 8 o'clock and 10 o'clock. I think we're headlining the festival or something. There's a festival? Bam. The Hong Kong Chinese Restaurant Festival? The Ventura Comedy Festival. You didn't even know. You booked.

I let him book things. Why not? He has money. I know. They pay us money. I love money. What's going on, buddy? We were just talking about Aldo versus McGregor.

We were talking about, he asked me what I thought about that fight. Yeah. I'm curious. I'm curious. I'm curious about the sexy cow and the hammer. Sexy cow and the hammer? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean the sexy cow and the hammer?

Where's the sexy cow and the hammer? Nothing. He's drunk. A little bit. It's code. It's just a little booze. Well, I want to know, yeah, what do you think? I think McGregor's in his head.

He might be, but he might not be. Aldo might be able to fight like a fucking assassin, even under all the shit-talking. No one's ever shit-talked him before, so we don't know. We don't know how he's going to fight. But we know the guy hasn't lost in 10 years. We know the guy's been beating some of the best guys in the world. And if you look at him when he's on point,

you look at his fight with Uriah, for instance, some fucking terrifying leg kicks. Fast as shit. Fast as shit. And his jiu-riah, for instance. Some fucking terrifying leg kicks. Fast as shit. Fast as shit. And his jiu-jitsu, world class. His jiu-jitsu is very high level. He beat Cobrina in regular jiu-jitsu. A regular jiu-jitsu competition.

He's a beast. He's a very good fighter in all aspects. One of the best ever. I feel like he's in his head. I know that trash talk wouldn't work on Don Cerrone. But we were talking about that earlier. You're coming in too late for this conversation. You're already talking about this stuff.

We already went over it. You're talking about the Nate Diaz fight. We're jumping. We're jumpers here. We jump. Time travel. Time travel. Time travel.

I like it. We come and go. It's a great fight. Also, I've got to be honest. I look at Aldo, and even though Aldo has been dominant for so long, he's one of the best fighters, he's had a lot of tough fights. And those eventually will catch up to you. It's like the Chad Mendes fight, the last fight, was a really good fight.

It was like a back-and-forth fight, and Mendes hit him with some fucking bombs. It was a great back-and-forth fight. And he tagged Mendes with a big shot at the end of the first round. I think the buzzer rang and then he hit him. It was a little late. It wasn't egregious, but it was a little late. And it fucked Mendes up. And Mendes still came back and cracked him. It was a back and forth war. It was a very close fight. Has Aldo fought anyone who hits as hard as McGregor? who hits as hard as McGregor?

Well, Chad Mendes hits pretty fucking hard. But I think Conor may have some special power, not like a magic power. But I think he's one of those guys that just really has super heavy hands. He's also accurate as hell, right? He's just very smart, man. The way he fights is very, very intelligent. You know, I was joking around with Donald

about his training methods that he calls it, him john cavanaugh's coast they they described it as upgrading your software without damaging your hardware so they're doing all these like really technical drills on hitting specific points but they're not like crushing each other yeah they're just drilling it into the mind and getting and you know and donald has more of a wild style who's out there And Donald has more of a wild style. Who's out there? The driver. I feel like Donald's changed.

I feel like you stand in people's grill more now. You just stand right there like you can give a shit. You know how fucking cool this is? Two of my favorite comedians in one fucking room. Do you know how people kill for this situation right now? Donald Cerrone was in the crowd when I taped my Comedy Central special in Denver. Well, the first time I met Donald, he came. I met him the night before, then he came. And I just saw his hat Going back and forth as he was laughing. I just saw your hat

It was the greatest I had a nine pack after I left the show Joe you know what I'm gonna do for you. What are you gonna do a fucking VCT in your fucking bathroom in there VCT? Yeah, is that the shitty cheap tile you got in there the tile? Yeah on the floor on the floor and the shitty paintbrush, but this is job in there. There's like a lease I'm gonna come in here and fuck hook. I'm not gonna pull a permit and I'm gonna fucking don't Might bite the tile to cut it. That's great. I'm getting a new spot new spot. Yeah, it's a great spot Yeah, I'm bringing the I'm never satisfied. I have real problems. I'm never happy with it. No, maybe that's I'm the same way I don't know what it is. You're worse than me. I'm never happy with anything. Maybe that's... I'm the same way. I don't know if I'm moving. I don't know what it is.

You're worse than me. I'm the worst. Always moving. Almost happy with everything. Unhappy with everything I do. Yeah, I'm always that way. Is that a mummy dancing with a wolf? No, that's a werewolf fucking a gorilla in the ass. That's exactly what that is. I had a dream. I wish I

knew the dude who made that. I hope you howl at the moon every time you're in that position. That would be a big woman. If you could grab the back of her shoulders like that, either have a whopper of a dick, that's a really big woman. I had sex. I had an affair with a girl who was on the Canadian national water polo team. Oh, Jesus.

She had a back on her, and she had a neck, but she had a really nice body, and she was really pretty. And her hands. Go ahead, man. You're so strong. You're not even drinking. Damn. Her hands.

What threw me off was just the knuckles. How big they were? The thickness of her fingers as we would hold hands. I was like, boy, I feel like a dainty young lady right now. Do you know who Gabby Garcia is? So what you're saying is your dick looked shamelessly tiny in her hands. No, no, he's a monster. No, what I'm saying is her dick was way bigger than mine.

Kid's got a hog on him. I got a hog on me. There was a woman named Gabby Garcia, still is, but she used to be overweight, and she's like world jiu-jitsu champion, and she used to have this giant crazy face. Well, she lost all her body fat, and then i guess she might have had some facial surgery but all of a sudden she's a giant hot chick it's real weird she's got full six-pack like pull up gabby garcia i've seen her before listen she was i don't know what she did but whatever she did that took a lot of fucking work yeah because she like became like she went from being a big, giant, fat woman.

Yeah. Who's a beast at jiu-jitsu, but she was very overweight to being super slim. Like, she always has these exposed midriff shirts, and she's rocking this fucking ridiculous six-pack. She's 6'4". Look at Johnny Cash. 6'4"? Fuck yeah, Johnny Cash. My dog's named Johnny Cash.

I love it. How do you not? 6'4". Jumping. We're jumping again. How do you not? Jumping. We're jumping against the map. Where do you spend most of your time? Colorado? Yeah.

New Mexico. But I'm going to see Grandma tomorrow. She's listening live right now. Tell her hello. Hey, Grandma. How are you? You never know what to say to grandmas. You know what I mean?

Hey, Grandma. How are you? And they live the whole life. So Grandma comes backstage. See, this is what she looks like now. That's what she used to look like. That's impressive. That's a different person.

Yeah, it totally looks like a different person. She looks pretty. Look at that neck in the other one. I don't know if she had facial surgery, but it seems like she did. She is just a true specimen. Look at that. That's crazy. It's weird.

So you would. She's giant, too. I mean, she's like six foot four. There's a picture of her with Fedor, and it's like, holy fuck. She's so much bigger than him. Look at her now. See if you find a picture of Gabby Garcia and Fedor. Wow.

It's like a real recent picture. She's dwarfing Vandelei Silva there. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, that was when they were on the Ultimate Fighter Brazil. But here's the thing, man. Vandelei looks like she won him in a carnival. That was only a couple years ago, dude.

It wasn't that long ago. Yeah. It just was really simple. Really similar. Recent. How many beers have you had? I've had a few. Far right.

Far right. Shredded. Shredded. Look at that. That's her. Look at that body, man. Look at Donald. Yeah, that's a big girl.

Is that her boyfriend? That's Fedor. That's Fedor, dude. Dude, that sure is Fedor. How dare you? Is that her boyfriend? I hear he's looking good. Well, that's a big girl. Is that her boyfriend? Oh, that's Fedor. That's Fedor, dude. Dude, that sure is Fedor. How dare you, is that her boyfriend? I hear he's looking good. Well, he's back. He's making a comeback.

He's going to fight in Japan. The problem is, there's no fucking opponents for him. Yeah. I mean, there's, I don't know who the hell else is. Sergey Karatano. I'll fight him. Sergey Karatano. Donald, go to him.

How much time would you need to fight Fedor? I might be a kid, a fat kid in Dodgeball. Pick me, pick me. How much time would you need to fight Fedor? I'm like the fat kid in Dodgeball. Pick me, pick me. How much time would you need to fight Fedor? Tomorrow. He's amazing. For real? I have 100%.

If he walked in right now, threw the fucking ape getting fucked by a werewolf on the ground, I'll get him and fuck Fedor up. Not a doubt in my mind. Wow. You would just fight him. Yeah. I'm scared of Russians. I'll say it right now.

So am I. I'm scared. Why? Because of ISIS? For everything. You see this new thing with Putin? Putin took $15 billion from this guy, stole this guy's company, and then the guy's exiled in the south of France, and now he's suing the Russian government.

He's trying to sue to get his money. Good luck with that. This guy, they took $15 billion. He was like Putin's banker. Wow. He was like Putin's banker. Wow. He was like Putin's right hand man for years, and now this guy is like penniless. $15 billion. Yeah, he's penniless.

Billion. Well, I was going to say a billion seconds is 33 years. The guy says that Putin is the most wealthy man in the world. He said he has more control over more money than anyone on the planet. Billion seconds. He might not be on paper, but they're saying that he might be worth like $200 billion. Well, yeah, because Russia is a one-crop economy. It's all oil.

Guess who controls it? You don't do anything without that. How does he do that, though? How is he doing that? Russian politics has always been that way. It's always been run by a czar. It's always been run really by a group of, you know, it used to be the Politburo,

but for the most part, he's just doing what the old Russian model was, which was get the biggest guns on my side and I'll kill him. But it's 2015. I mean, isn't it crazy when you see a guy who's running, like, essentially a complete undercover gangster organization? It's a monarchy. Yeah.

Dominating the entire country. He apparently, when they were trying to attract investment in the 90s, the problem was American companies, German companies, French companies coming in, and these gangsters, these Russian were trying to attract investment in the 90s the problem was american companies german companies french companies coming in and these gangsters these russian guys would come in and go hey you got to pay us money and a couple of them said no and they just shot him right there in the office so putin decided this was going to be a disaster for any kind of foreign investment so putin said all right well i know how to deal with this we know exactly where they are and uh when they were having the you know mafia guys hang out together in their own clubhouses or whatever

He had these Spetsnaz guys show up in there in their vans They just show up in the middle of the day open up and just kill the shitload of them like a hundred two hundred in one day they had a moment of silence apparently before he had his uh, Before he had his his uh, whatever it was, you know his meeting they had a moment of sound for the 200 citizens that were killed, and they went on their business. And that was the message to anybody who said, you want to shake down a foreign company and see what the fuck happens.

They still didn't invest, though. But he doesn't fuck around. He's a scary dude. Donald Cerrone, I'll fight him tomorrow. Tomorrow. Yeah, you would. Tonight. He's a black belt in judo.

Whatever. I'm a black belt in street. You're a black belt in everything. Everyone's from a street. I hate that expression. Who's not from the street? I was born in the meadow. I'm not from the street.

I'm not from the street, bro. There's no roads where I live, bro. I'm in the forest. Who do you want to punch in the face more than anybody on the planet? Are you interviewing him or am I? I'm taking over right now. The guy taking over the guy from Whole Foods shitty fucking question Hey with your shitty questions the guy from Whole Foods It was a previous story because it got punched him. Yeah, it's parking

Fucking late you're telling that story. What did you what made you decide to come over here? He was texting me. Oh. Why didn't you tell me that you were texting him? Because I thought it would be more appealing to have three, two of my favorite people in the world. He's one of my favorite people, too. He just had a break. He's making secret texts while we're in the middle of a podcast. Like couple lovers. He's calling.

Come on over. Come crash this party. We're getting fucked up. He said the door's locked. I'll send someone right in. I'm locked out. You want a key? You could have a key to this place. Yeah. Okay. Just to send someone right in. I'm locked out. You want a key? You could have a key to this place.

Yeah. Okay. Just to hang out. Sure. Okay. Werewolf and parakeet. Do people know about the badass werewolf you have outside? Yeah.

There's pictures of it. It used to be, before I got the pool table, it used to be the werewolf was the first thing you saw when you opened the door. And I was like, I need to put a go cam on top of the werewolf. That was the first thing I saw when I came in. I was like, werewolf, pool, go cam. That was the first thing I saw when I came in. I was like, yeah, werewolf pool.

Oh, pool table. That thing is scary. Do you play pool? You must play pool. I do have a pool table in the bar at the ranch. I have a bar that I built. But you went,

I have every alcohol you could ever believe of, but because I don't want ever someone to come over. Yeah. Kegs, boxes, cases. I don't want you to come over and say, can I pour me this? And I don't have it. Damn. over, yeah, kegs, boxes, cases. I don't want you to come over and say, can I have a pour me this, and I don't have it.

Damn. That's gangster. See, this gets to you psychologically, because I know your background, like how you grew up, and you're creating this environment at that ranch that's not just like a training environment, but a place where you're trying to give these guys hospitality and bring them into a family situation, aren't you?

It's a lot like Neverland Ranch. Neverland? Neverland? But not as much about fucking. Michael, Michael. Where a bunch of boys come and hang out. Not as much boo-fooing. Not as much.

Jared-ing is what they're calling it today. Not as much boy play. Yeah, how about Jared? Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? It's like because you know your your grandparents raised you and you're a wild kid and you know you didn't feel like you've had like that thing when you were talking earlier about trainers that wouldn't put their name on you now you you're doing the total opposite of that the total opposite absolutely

i appreciate that man absolutely the Absolutely. The total opposite. And yeah, if guys call me and they're like, how I can afford it, I say, don't worry about it. I got you. Let's go. So what do you do? What's the ranch? You're coming in late, bro. Jesus. Bad motherfucker ranch. He built it. Grandpa bought some property. Happiest moment of his life. Tears almost came to his eye during the podcast. Builds a place.

Doesn't get permits. Fucks up because he has the bunk bed set up. Oh, shit. Now what do we do? Now people are sleeping in a barn. Propane. If you keep the propane on, it costs $1,500 a night. This is a lot of work.

You're learning all this stuff. He doesn't have any power out there, man. He's getting tanks of flammable liquid, and he's shooting guns everywhere. That's safe. The whole thing is ridiculous. So safe. He shows me all these guns he's got. Do you know if you shoot a propane tank with a gun, it will not blow up?

Is that true? Absolutely true. In the movies, it does. It does in the movies. It will not blow up, though. I had a Navy SEALs. I mean, when you throw a grenade, it doesn't, there's no fire. It just, you just hear pop and there's no.

Yeah, just smoke, which I was amazed at. Well, that's annoying. What about the Chuck Norris movies where there's always an explosion? Is Chuck Norris still the coolest dude alive or no? I met him and I was more happy than I've been when I met anybody ever. The first time I met him, I was upset. I was pretty happy. Chris Hansen?

You met him in the right spot. He could be like, I'm so nice to meet you here in public in a bar. Instead of in a fucking hotel room with a 14-year-old. Exactly. Back to Chuck Norris. I met him in the World Combat League. Remember, he used to have that kickboxing organization? In the dome.

They fought in a bowl. Bowl. Yeah. I met him there, and just the fact that Chuck Norris knew who I was and gave me a big hug, I was like, God damn it. You didn't put his boot up to your face, but I can breathe the bottom of my boot. What's he say? He had the shoelace crotch thing.

Remember those? Cool. Kickboxing pants with the shoelace. Texas Ranger motherfucker. What? I remember Superfoot Wallace used to have jeans that he advertised in the back of comic books. Yeah, well Chuck Norris did too. Yeah.

It was Chuck Norris I think more than Superfoot. Chuck Norris has posters of badass shit that you have to think about if your life is that cool as Chuck Norris Yeah, he's a super nice guy too man there was a yeah there was a there was a thing a banquet for a Karate guy who was a famous karate instructor and he's one of Chuck Norris his friends So I sat in on they wanted me to sit and like give give a speech like everybody gave speeches like all these old-school Black Belt guys gave speeches and Chuck Norris gave a speech.

I just sat next to Chuck Norris and talked for like an hour and a half. We just talked about the old days of the karate tournaments and the old days of kickboxing and, you know, what it was like to hang out with Bruce Lee. It was one of the best moments of my life. You didn't hit him with any Chuck Norris lines? Like, Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the earth away from him.

How many push-ups does Chuck Norris do? I couldn't annoy him with any of that. All of them, you know what? Why not? Not even like an opening line? I just knew, first of all, how many times do you ever get a chance to sit and actually right next to Chuck Norris in a public setting. That's how I feel at this moment right here.

That's how I feel at this moment right now. I do too. We feel the same way. So I'm sitting next to him, and it's just me and him talking. You know, just me and Chuck Norris right next to each other for like a fucking hour. I was like a little kid. I saw Missing in Action in the fucking movie theater. Lone Wolf McQuaid.

I was there for all those movies, dude. No, I panicked. I've panicked two times with celebrities that were really big. I met Al Pacino, and I was talking to him. And I was like, just be cool, be cool, Brian, be cool, be cool. Don't be an idiot. Don't be spaz. I'll spaz out sometimes and are you looking at yourself from a third person kind of kind of I was more staring at him and I was just like he had a bandana and he looked so cool He was 70. He looks amazing. He's

That's a good fucking opportunity. Great, yeah. Never done it before. That's very good. That was my first time ever. And I fucking, I went like this, and I, God, I kill myself. I heard the words coming out of my mouth, and I was like, Brian, stop, stop, you're saying anything.

I go, you know what's funny? I go, don't say it, Brian, don't say it. And I said it, and I go, I just watched Scarface. It was on TV, and he goes, and I go, I was like, it was on tv and he goes and i go i was like no inside i was like no but my face was saying it and then i go i looked at him and he went like this he goes oh boy and that's all he did and he hugged me he goes all right no he shook my hand and he put his shoulder against my chest i was like oh that's the coolest way to ever do anything. I was like, see you later.

Then I meet Springsteen backstage. I talk to him for a while. I talk to his wife. I'm a huge Bruce Springsteen fan. Six months later, my dad in a bookstore in Idaho, in Sun Valley, Idaho. I hear his wife say hi. How are you? And I go Oh Patty Hi, you know she goes what are you doing? And I go how's Bruce thinking?

I known them gonna talk to him for like, you know, she goes ask him yourself He's right here and I turn he's looking at a book. I since read called fiasco I remember he had his glasses on and I go how you doing? And he goes I met you We talked backstage. And all of a sudden I realized I folded my arms, but for whatever reason, my fucking arms were really high

and my elbows were pointed right at him. And in my mind I was like, Brian, please let go of your arms. Don't do this. What are you doing? And I go, and this is what I did. I go, did you ski? And he goes, usually we do, but this year we just let the kids do it and we're just sitting. And I went, and I meant to say, I fucking meant to say, I've been skiing all day. My feet are killing me and I'm not going to ski anymore.

That's what I meant to say. I've been skiing all day. My boots are shitty. I don't want to ski anymore. And instead I went with my fucking arms like this. I go, my feet are killing me. And he just looked at me and there was a pause. I go, I'll see you guys later, man.

And I fucking, and I've never lived that down. I just felt exactly, but I'm sure they deal with that shit all the time. Just holding myself like that. Did you just have that same moment right now? Like during this podcast? I feel embarrassed right now. In the middle of what you're doing? I feel embarrassed now.

Hey, do you guys get people when you take pictures that are trembling out of fucking control? Yeah, sometimes that happens. I've had a lot of nervous moments in my life. I appreciate nerves. It's no big deal. You know, I can't help nerves. The guy with the camera

and he's like, get the fucking camera working. I fuck with people. I fuck with people. Come on, bitch. What are you doing? What the fuck is with the fucking camera working. I fuck with people. I fuck with people. Come on, bitch. What are you doing? What the fuck is with the fucking camera? Get an iPhone, son.

I fuck with them, but I don't. You deal with that. So the greatest domestic disputes that you will ever witness in your life is on a boat ramp. I don't know if you guys have ever been on a boat ramp. No. But the wife is driving the boat and the husband in the pickup, and he's trying to fucking her on left look no no back it up or she's trying to snake the trailer down and he's sitting in the boat screaming at her snaking the trailer down while 30 other boats are trying to dock it's um damn oh that seems it's a moment that's interesting though next time i'm there i'm gonna i'm gonna um because it is you would i never thought of that

oh it's unbelievable. I just thought the boats were always in the water somehow. You know who knows a lot about. It's the getting, it's the 430. They've been drinking all day. Right. Time to get the fuck out of the water. Yes.

The message dispute happens and it is, it's classic. They say there and when, and realtors, realtors see a lot of dark shit between couples as they're looking for houses and deciding what they want. Or they can't afford a fucking house. But she wants the house? Oh, yeah. Why is it she that always wants it? Dude, I had a conversation with my buddy about this recently.

He was talking about how his girlfriend hates where they live. There's the fucking stripper voice again. She wants a fucking house. Pep it up. That's not a stripper voice. You went from fucking interacting to... No, this is a... I know a dude who's fucked

and I feel bad. He's just bringing it down. This poor dude is in some situation where the girl wants him to live over his means, you know, and it gets weird,

you know, when she's like, we need a better house, we need to get a better house, and he can't really afford a better house, so he's scrambling. Well, this... That's a bad place to be. A woman I know is a realtor said they were looking at this house We need to get a better house. And he can't really afford a better house, so he's scrambling.

That's a bad place to be. A woman I know, a realtor said they were looking at this house that was like $6 million in New York City. What? For $6 million. It's probably about 1,300 square feet. Something crazy, yeah. No yard, no parking. Her friend had a apartment that was $10 million.

Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. You can buy, like, nothing for, you know. Meanwhile, he shoots guns in his yard right off his fucking toilet. Missed that, too. We got a fucking new silencer. Really? Yep. He's got a bench rest on his toilet. He's just looking out the window in case of a stray antelope.

No, I don't shoot fucking big game. He doesn't shoot big game, sir. I don't shoot big game. It's illegal. Birds. I'm a bird man. You're a bird man? I'm a bird man.

Just any bird. They insult you with their freedom. Just a poor, poor, overpopulated bird. So she was showing them the house, and she said, I have another place. It's just a little bit out of your price range, and it was $8 million. And this girl's friend had a $10 million house. And she looked at her husband and went, how could you fucking do this to us? As in, you don't have enough money.

Got him. $8 million. man went how could you fucking do this to us as in you don't have enough money got him and he and he went instead of going see you later he went sorry how about that man that's how people live sometimes well that's people that if they don't have any other interests other than materialistic things yeah then you you that's what you chase yes there's a real problem with that in this fucking city is a real problem with people that are only chasing that. And they're not looking at the big picture. They're defining themselves by how much money their house costs, what neighborhood they're in, what kind of car they're driving. All that stuff is them.

And there's no other stuff. There's no MMA career. There's no stand-up comedy. Society looks at that. If you show up and your kids go to this school and you live in this area and you drive the Range Rover, that's your... Status is very important to people. But I think that that term society, I think that term's changing.

Pre-biblical status. Well, because of the internet, people like there's, you're going to be, there's a bunch of people that don't think like that. And now they can all agree. Whereas before what was put out in front of you was what was on commercials. What was you saw the hero have in the movie? Burt Reynolds has a Trans Am. I fucking need a Trans Am. Like all that stuff was the only way we associated with ideas about items. was the only way we associated with ideas about items.

But now, because of the internet, you'll talk to people that go, you know what, man? I live in a fucking trailer that I drive around in my truck, and I just go to different places and I climb mountains. That's like that Alex Honnold guy. Alex Honnold, yeah. He lives in a fucking van. But that goes back to- That's cool, too.

And he'll find fans, people that admire him because of that. I think that some people who chase money, it has a lot of meaning. Some people were humiliated by being poor when they were kids. Money makes them feel powerful, safe, whatever. But I was thinking about, I was trying to isolate the two times I'm the most happy, the two things that matter to me the most. I think it's laughing with my friends and getting better at something. I thought it was coming with a finger in your ass. And coming with a finger in my ass. Obviously, it's part of laughing with my friends and getting better at something. I thought it was coming with a finger in your ass.

And coming with a finger in my ass. Obviously, it's part of laughing with my friends. You're telling me when you're laughing with my friends. You're telling me when you're laughing with my friends. You cashed that fucking check. And you see an extra comma in your bank account. You're not fucking just tickled pink. I'm not really, but I'm weird that way, and he knows that.

He's so weird. He drives a fucking shitty car. He drives this goofy fucking Volkswagen. I'm like, dude, you have money. You could have something that you drive that's's a pleasure yeah like you enjoy it and it changes your transportation to a ride now like you're on a disneyland ride every day i like getting better at something and being a silly goose with my friends and a finger in my ass yeah and if what's okay we got to end this man we got we got a show on that note and on that note donald cowboy saroni thank you sir

i'm glad we did this. It's on my answer. We could do this any time you're in town, man. Look at the trifecta I'm sitting here. It's fucking unbelievable. We could probably have about 100 of these. It's the greatest. Easily. Easily.

Well, we'll see how everyone reacts. They fucking love it. If they don't, fuck them. If we don't get at least a couple hundred YouTube comments, I'm fucking dead. You're going to get plenty of comments. Look, most people are gonna love it You gotta step what does the Bible say you got to separate the wheat from the chaff? It's a lot of wheat from the chaff

Yes, if you don't have a fucking sword go and get one sell your cloak and get a better one to him Is that what the Bible says? Yeah, goddammit. They're selling swords in the Bible. Yeah, so your cloak and get I don't remember that passage But you know You know how pious Donald is I don't't know. Always making the cross before he fights. I don't know if I'll ever own a cloak. I might go to the grave with no cloaks. I want a cloak, man. I'm thinking right now, I need some Dracula cloak.

I want to own a lot of land and walk around in my cloak. Yeah. And I want to just order my servants around. Bring me a coconut, two straws, and some shaved ice, please. And I want pack llamas. Oh, yes. So when I shoot animals in the woods, I can bring the pack llamas and they'll pack it out. That's good.

I want hamsters to feel in my hands, please. I want a few guinea pigs around the house just in case I need to eat them like the people do in Peru. Guinea pigs. Just kidding. They keep them in the kitchen. They're all scrambled around the kitchen. I just want them for petting. I want them for petting and pressing against my genitals.

They apparently don't miss each other. They never like, where's Waldo? They don't give a fuck about Waldo. Are the peanuts out? Yes, they're good. They say cats are like that. Cats could give a fuck about their owners. Well, when their owners die, cats eat their faces.

Is that true? Did you know that? Yeah, Big John McCarthy was telling me that. What? He said the worst thing you want to find is a guy who's been dead for a couple of days, and he's had cats. Damn! Yeah, the cats just eat your face.

When you stop giving them cat food, they just start eating you. Whoa! Yeah, whoa. just eat your face when you stop giving them cat food they just start eating you whoa yeah whoa they eat your face fucking they'll eat your face for a long time too until you get really rotten when you get really rotten it's because you're not there to feed them and they're hungry yep they don't they don't your dog your dog will fucking starve to death most dogs maybe you might be a cunt to your dog your dog might eat you too but most dogs will like sit there And they'll want yeah, they want to wake up. I have a fucking tortoise that by the limit to be a hunter Tours are man-eaters if you faint they eat your face

You might wake up and you have no They can get their head so far just I have narcolepsy Don't eat my asshole I'm fine, you fucking shitty turtle They beak your asshole Can't they go a long time without food, too? I don't know I know snakes do If I call my wife and call her sick, I can come to the show tonight? Fuck yeah

Dude, come to the show Yeah, you can come, for sure I'm driving me Absolutely, man Can I plug my date this weekend? Okay, where are you at? I'm going to be at the San Jose Improv. Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

One of my favorite places in the world. You know who lives near there? Luke Rockhold, Donald Cerrone's favorite person. Can I plug my event? Hell yeah. Orlando, Florida, December 19th. And fucking new. And new.

Champion of the motherfucking world. Give me a new belt buckle. I'll be there. You're going to be there? I'll be there for my boyfriend. I'm going to be there. Best seat in the house. Do you want to do the gig with me the night before? Yeah, December 19th. Yeah, whatever the night before

is, I'm doing the gig. Can I come? Fuck yeah. Orlando, Florida? You got tickets now? Need those? Going to be the night before? Yeah, I'm booking something. I'm booking some theater in there on Friday night. I'll be out of there earlier. Do you get nervous thinking about that date, or are you ready? He's excited.

Born ready. Born ready, bitch. How dare you? He's full of skull and Budweiser. Look what happened with the George Henry Warren fight. He's an American badass. Round two. Smashed him.

I'm coming. Donald Trump is an American badass. I wish I had a fucking billion dollars and a huge belt buckle. All right, we got to end this. It's 7 o'clock. We got to show up. Dos Anjos, I'm fucking coming. 19th, motherfucker. And new, we got to end this. It's 7 o'clock. We got to show up. Dos Anjos, I'm fucking coming, 19th, motherfucker, and new.

You heard him. Loud. I'll be rubbing... Joe Rogan. I'm rubbing my underwear. In his bitch. Donald Cerrone, motherfucker. Donald, you hear this?

Donald, get him kicking. All right, we're out, folks. Thank you for tuning in. Much love. See you soon. Bye-bye. Yeah. Three hours, huh?