The Joe Rogan Experience - #703 - Brian Redban

Episode Date: October 1, 2015

Brian Redban is a comedian and the founder of the Deathsquad podcast network available on Spotify under "Deathsquad." http://deathsquad.tv

You know when you're ready. Yes! Positive energy! Yes! You got it. We're live, ladies and gentlemen. We're live on a day where I saw a fucking mountain lion on top of a telephone pole today. What?

Not in real life. Somebody sent it to me on Twitter, but it felt like I was there. Have you fucking seen it? Yeah. Look at my Twitter, Jamie. There's a mountain lion that stayed up on a telephone pole all day on Wednesday, and then this morning it came down but some some screaming school kids first of all school kids the idea that little kids could be so goddamn

close to a murderous monstrous 150 pound cat that it has to run up a pole and then the fact that it was up on that pole for an hour and a half and people didn't have the good sense to shoot it. Oh, my God. Where was this at? It was in California. Jesus. What part of California? Victorville.

Yeah, that ain't, you know, that's like people live there. Fuck that thing. Oh, my God. Look at it. It's hanging on top of a pole like no big deal. And I guess it's just going climb down with its claws Imagine it's a 150 pound animal that can climb trees with its claws Just runs up the top of that pole And sits up there

It's totally chill just hanging There's no way for it to be electrocuted also because there's no ground Is that why? I don't know how that works Yeah? I don't know how that works. Yeah, I don't know how that works either. It's like magic. Your foot's on the ground, but yet that pull's on the ground. It's always like, don't touch the third rail.

Okay. How does that work? Was that just a rumor about the third rail on the railroad tracks? I used to live on a railroad track pretty much. As a kid, we just played all day on railroad tracks, put things in pennies, got shot by the guys on the train. They shot at you? Salt pellet guns. Really? Yeah,ies, got shot by the guys on the train. They shot at you? Salt pellet guns. Really?

Yeah, because you're not supposed to be on the train track, and we would put things on. So they would just sit there, and I think it was more just to scare you, but they would shoot these salt bullets at you or something like that. Well, a lot of people die by committing suicide near train tracks, but train tracks, that's not the third rail. The third rail is like subway stations. Train tracks are not electrical. I mean, the track's just a piece of metal. The real ones are the ones that are in subways somehow or another. I don't know which ones are...

Yeah, because that's actually electricity. Yeah. People have definitely died from that, though. They've definitely died from that, I think. Did you live by a train track growing up? Close enough. I used to take the T into Boston when I was a kid, like when I was in high school. We had to walk like a mile or so. It sucked fucking hardcore in the winter, though.

God damn. When I think about winter today, I think about the fact that people in Boston are just about to go through it. Like right now, today's October 1st. That means it's just going to start chilling out right now. Now it's just going to start getting a little uncomfortable, but not bad. A little brisk, not bad. A little morning brisk, get you a cup of coffee. But there's a month or they're a month or two away from experiencing that bone jarring cold that you only get in the Northeast that wet wet ocean water cold Their world is different than our world man The world is different than our world when you go down there and you go to Boston you do gigs up there, New Hampshire

Those are harder people. They're just there. They have to overcome way more shit like the Stereotype of the California person like the slacker like you know whatever dude this new big deal dude like that's what people think of when they think of californians it's because we don't have to deal with that winter shit yeah well this winter we might be dealing with el nino super el nino is what they're saying that we're going to get yeah i mean it has been humid as fuck out here lately i hope they're right we need it yeah i mean i think isn't that how it always works? Unless things, I say always works, but unless things turn into deserts.

Because deserts didn't always used to be deserts. Like, I think even the Sahara at one point in time was, like, lush. And that's the whole take on the Sphinx. Like, the guys who want to backdate the Sphinx, they've brought in these geologists, specifically this guy named Dr. Robert Shock from Boston University. And he thinks that the water erosion on the container or the chamber, the temple, the Sphinx, I think they're calling it, and it's where they carve the Sphinx out of the ground, the whole temple area where the Sphinx is. These stones that are carved that have all these water erosion marks all over them,

like the deep fissures where water cuts through a crack in the rock and does so for thousands of years. So this is like thousands of years of rainfall that's caused this water erosion and the problem with that is the last time there was rainfall in the Nile Valley was like 9,000 BC or 9,000 years ago I think it is so it's like 7,000 BC so that was like the last time there was rainfall there so it had been several thousand years before that of it raining on those rocks to create that kind of erosion before that place became a desert so that's the thing about california man it could easily become a desert well there there was a uh i just sent you a link uh there was a cal lake in california that's really

popular uh in westwood california walter lake the other night just overnight the whole lake drained out it emptied out there was Is that true? That's been proven? Yeah. I saw that article, and I thought, well, I don't know about this. Is this real? It was like one of those Bob's News Reviews something. Yeah. Is that a website?

It was KTVN actually went in there and interviewed them, and there are thousands of fish. I don't know if you saw the photo. It's just tons of dead fish. So what do they think happened? They pretty much just say, we're out of fish. I don't know if you saw the photo. It's just tons of dead fish. So what do they think happened? They pretty much just say, we're out of water. California lake disappears overnight, leaves behind thousands of fish. Whoa, that's like some Marky Mark movie apocalypse shit.

Look at this. There's a video right here. That's fucked. And this was like, I mean, this is not a small thing. It's 170 acres Reservoir Wow 170 acre reservoir inches overnight yeah, and where'd the water go just went in the hole it Think it yeah, look at it. I think it went down

But how could it go down that low that quick? I don't understand. I think that's pretty much reservoir runs dry Wow there's nothing there. Look at all those fish. That's fucked. God, the smell. What a terrible way to die for them. Yeah, and I guess they could have, they said if they had a two-week notice,

they could have taken all the fish and saved them and moved them to another lake or something like that. Well, did they drain this on purpose? No, it just pretty much emptied out it's like it's kind of confusing how they say but they pretty much just say that no we they just we just it's just out of water we're in a drought you know that's just how fast it happens so it literally can happen like that overnight yeah i don't understand that then why doesn't i don't understand that it doesn't make any sense to me but it's a shallow ass fucking lake though

uh he believes that may have occurred when a clogged outlet valve was cleared So literally the drain was stuck they opened up the drain and now here's your reservoir going through a creek That's what that's what's going on right yeah There's a lot of lakes like that in California that could easily run dry that Lake Gastaic That fucker is way smaller than it used to be. You've been there. Yeah. Is there places to stay there?

That's like a, because I drove by it recently. I think people are allowed to camp there. There's parts where you're allowed to camp. Good fucking luck with that. That's sketchy as fuck, dude.

There's a lot of like, there's places around Lake Gasteik. Lake Gasteik is real weird. Like you get there and you're like, are we in Guatemala? Is this like a, I'm at some sort of a food festival in Guatemala. Like there's these people there that are just, they, you know, families that like live in apartments, especially they fucking

love parks, man. They get those parks and they just take over. They bring their family, they lay out a giant blanket, they start barbecuing. It's fucking great, man. It's really a, it's actually a kind of a cool environment too for kids because all these different kids from different families they all get together and there's music playing and people are cooking and people from other countries they have more of for whatever reason they have more of this um this sort of inclination to have these gatherings you know these park gatherings It's pretty badass, man. Sometimes it's badass.

Other times it's nonsense. It's just like, hey, it's for 40 people to all get together wasted in a park where there's kids. That can happen too. Yeah, that can happen too. Yeah, especially if it's been a hard road getting over here to America. You're fucking struggling. You got some sort of a shitty job doing construction work under the table for cash.

And now here you're at the party, finally, and you're just getting lit, screaming and yelling, dancing. Did you see that concrete on the opposite side of droughts? The concrete that absorbs 880 gallons of water in a minute. It's this concrete they can now put on roads and in parks. So places like Houston or Texas, these flash floods, this actually just absorbs water. This is insane.

And we're looking at a video now for folks listening to this where there's a giant water truck, and the water truck is pouring water onto this parking lot, and the water's just disappearing. This is crazy. It's on techinsider.com. Yeah, and I guess this technology's been around for a while. They've just got it good enough to actually use as concrete for cars.

Here's how it works. Rather than use sand-based concrete, Tarmac uses something called no-fines concrete. It's made of tiny pieces of crushed granite packed together. While Burgess says the mixture is extremely dry, the pieces are packed loosely enough to allow water to pass through. The system can accommodate three designs, full infiltration, partial infiltration, and full attenuation. Wow. That's fucking interesting, man.

Wow. That's smart yeah because like places like Houston like you said remember we were there at this we used to work at this club there and we they would put us up in this was the Allentown Inn what the fuck was the name Allentown Parkway right yeah and there was this like really fucking sketchy sketchy hotel they would put you up in where people would like knock on your door and ask for crack like literally there was this dude he was walking down the um the upper it wasn't a hallway it was outside i guess it was like a balcony before you got to the stairs because it was a motel you know and uh the guy's walking around the outside and he goes man, man, where's Ed, dude?

And I go, I was like, what? He goes, where's Ed, man? And I'm like, I don't know where Ed is. Come on, man. You know where Ed is. Where's Ed? I'm like, dude, I don't fucking know where Ed is. But he was just jonesing.

And he just looked at me and like, this dude's a junkie. He knows where the guy is. Right. Yeah. I've been running into a lot of these junkies lately these meth heads that they're just so out of it they're not real people when they're on these drugs it's ridiculous you get pretty fucked up yeah there was a uh an article in one of the la magazines about i forget what which magazine but it was about how uh a lot of these poor communities in South Central LA, cocaine is stupid expensive right now, apparently. But meth is way more common.

And so they're bringing meth in. And because everybody already has weed, the people that were bringing in weed before, they can't make any money off of weed. So now they've switched it to meth. And all these people are fucked up on meth in these really shitty areas and shitty communities. Yeah, cutting coke with meth, I guess, is a thing also now that people are fucked up on meth in these really shitty areas and shitty communities. Yeah, cutting coke with meth, I guess, is a thing also now that people are doing because coke is so expensive.

So it's like you're buying coke, but the next thing you know, you're a meth head. Yeah, you think you're doing coke and you're getting meth. I mean, anybody could think that somehow or another we wouldn't at least be helping people actually get whatever they think they're getting by making this stuff legal. Like the idea that a grown adult tells another grown adult they can't do cocaine, to me, is mind-boggling. The fact that we have all this other stuff that you can do, and you just arbitrarily, no cocaine.

Do you think cocaine will ever become illegal? It should totally be legal. It should be legal. I think less people would do it. I really do. I think more people would be aware. Alcohol is one of the most destructive to your body, destructive to society, destructive to your behavior and the kind of activities you engage in, drunk driving, violent altercations. Being drunk can be horrible.

It can wind up terrible. And it's completely pervasive. It's everywhere. It's so prevalent. You can get booze in family restaurants. You can go to a family restaurant and get fucked up. You know what I mean? You could get fucked up to the point where you fall asleep, drive,

and you kill a bunch of people. A hundred percent, you could do that. You could get the drug of choice, the most destructive drug, at every CVS, every pharmacy, every supermarket. Every supermarket you go to, you can get fucked up. You go down that liquor aisle and you just grab bottles, throw them in your cart. You could drink them in the car and you would never be able to drive home. Like, instantly, you'd be be fucked and it's legal. The idea that cocaine is not legal is silly. I wouldn't do it. I would try it. I think I would definitely try it. I would try it just

if I knew it was absolute cocaine because like Tom Sawyer from the punchline in San Francisco from Cobbs, remember Tom? He was always talking about Rockstar Cocaine. Like, I did Rockstar Cocaine with Kennison. And I'm like, what's Rockstar Cocaine? He was talking about it like it was like someone talking about the days back when Jesus was around. It was like, we would do it. You'd be great.

And after it was over, you'd just go to sleep. And I was like, what? And he's like, yeah, it would wear off. It wouldn't give you a hangover. You'd just go. I'm like, he was talking about like this fantasyland cocaine Like it sounded like non-destructive not bad for you like I'll get a lot done I want to know how what rockstar because because cocaine just makes you like more awake I mean so rockstar cocaine just makes you even more awake or I think the idea is that the Cocaine you're getting when you go to a regular place And you're partying cocaine just makes you even more awake or I think the idea is that the cocaine

you're getting when you go to a regular place and you're partying is it's half speed or 20% speed or 5% speed or whatever the fuck it is it's it's stomped on it's cut up but the rock star cocaine is pure cocaine and when you get pure cocaine this idea is that it's a better experience yeah and most of the cocaine you just immediately are shitting every 10 minutes every time you do it because it's cut with laxatives or well you smoke crack i found out i didn't smoke crack just the other day that's so funny you said that because i found out that what it was somebody was talking about free free basing cocaine which is where you cook it with baking soda and you get the

pure what you're doing is you're extracting the purity of the cocaine you're extracting the cocaine that's what I did it's the same thing yeah that's what I said but I guess crack is a little bit more mixed with chemical some kind of hardening chemical or something like that I don't know I'm pretty sure it's the same thing and here's here's the real deal according to dr. Carl Hart one of the guys I have talked to on occasion who? He's a drug expert he was only the Bill O'Reilly show the other day That's one of the reasons why I got in touch with him again. I saw him on the Bill O'Reilly show

I'm like dude. How do you do that? He was on it for like he made me said like 30 seconds worth of shit and the entire time He was on maybe talked for like 15 seconds for someone interrupted him it's like one of those stupid shows which is for Jesus anyway he was talking about how crazy it is that you get sentenced far more brutally if you get caught with crack and like what kind of jail time you're looking at whether versus getting caught with cocaine and he's like it's totally racist because it's the same drug. It's the exact same drug.

He's like, there's no difference whatsoever between the two. Like, the experience, the high, like, if you do one, you do the other. It's the same thing. So the fact that one of them will get you, like, 10-year mandatory minimum, and the other one, you're out in, like, six months, or whatever the fuck it would be,

if you're selling one or the other. I wonder why. It's because you prepared it or something? it or something you know you want to put black people in jail it's because they want to put black people in jail wait it's just it's just because they're selling it in these crime-filled environments you know so it's whether or not it's racist or whether it's a response to the environment in which they're selling crack. The idea is if you go into the country club and you're teeing off with, you know, Brad at 4 p.m., you guys are going to do a little bump before. You're not the guy who is selling crack out of the backseat of his hopped up Nissan and, you know, shooting at people and who knows what the fuck else he's doing,

the kind of stupid shit this guy's involved in. He's creating a nuisance for the neighborhood. That's the idea. Right. I just wondered, like, legally, how they can make it a difference. If it was like, oh, it weighs more or something, you know what I mean?

They just make their own rules, dude. The idea of what they can do and not do legally is so fucked up because one of the ways they bust pot dealers is they weigh not just the pot, but they weigh the dirt in the pot that the pot is planted in. They weigh the whole thing. They don't cut your trees down and say, well, how much of the effective drug do we have here? Because once you pull the buds out,

you're dealing with a fraction of the weight of the tree. But these assholes, they weigh the pebbles that are in the soil. They weigh everything. The water that you, you know, you water those plants. They're in the pot. The pot's heavy. Tough shit for you. It looks like you got a fucking 50 pound pot plant. You're like, what? There's not even a pound of weed on that stupid plant. But they'll hit you for 50 and then they'll get you for like major possession, major distribution. It's a goddamn travesty. The fact that this has been going on for so long, too.

It's into our middle ages. I mean, you and I are both in our 40s now. And we're still living in this ridiculous society that thinks it's okay to lock people in a cage because they decide they want to do this. I want to smoke this. Or I want to grow that. I want to smoke this, or I want to grow that. I want to sell that. You can sell tomatoes, but don't sell weed. Fuck you. It's stupid. We're grown adults. You know, the idea that we're going to go to the grave and the world that we leave behind is going to be just as fucking stupid as it was when we were in high school.

That's infuriating to me. You know, and I don't think that making cocaine legal or a bunch of people doing cocaine is gonna help anything I certainly don't think that but if it does help one thing it'll help people recognize what coke really is like if you see someone who's fucked up that's a drunk like you go like I've seen people at bars I'm like I am NOT fucking drinking like I don't want to be that guy you know and like I think we that's a big part of how people learn is watching people around us fuck up. And when no one around you fuck up, fucks up, that's when you have this like sort of really distorted perception of what's going on. Having, you know, no real understanding of what the

effects of cocaine are on a one-to-one basis if you saw it if you saw someone that you know doing it or if you did it you would know like right now it's it's got too much myth behind it you know it's part of the fucking Scarface thing you know like you're fucking I don't give a shit bro I'm doing coke ah you know it's not just that you're doing this speedy drug. It's also that you're being a bad boy or a bad girl doing that coke. Well, it is a lot of undressing all the shit we grew up on and feared. We grew up thinking weed was the worst thing ever.

Same thing with cocaine. And it is now that we have the internet and everything right at our fingertips that we're learning like, oh, wait a second. Cocaine is not even a Schedule 3 drug or whatever it is. I think it's Schedule 2. 2, it is. Yeah, because it has medical uses. Right. Here's a fun fact about cocaine.

Coca-Cola is made with cocaine. Coca-Cola was always made with cocaine back in the day, and it had actual cocaine in the Coke. Now part of the flavor in Coca-Cola comes from the cocoa leaves. So they take cocoa leaves, they extract the cocaine, and they use that cocaine for medical cocaine. And then the rest, like the flavoring, some process, goes into Coca-Cola. That's why Coke rules and Pepsi drools. Where'd you get that from? Because it's got Coke in it.

That's hilarious. Plus they have Coke in their name. Pepsi can't take, they can't take, you know. Coke, even though Coke is like, is universal. Like you can't own Coke. Like if someone like, if cocaine became legal and Coca-Cola was like, we're making our own cocaine coke coke like you couldn't study couldn't stop anybody else from calling a coke because it's coke like it's an established name

for it it's like if somebody tried to patent the word pot you know we'd be like get the fuck out of here you can't patent pot stupid I just found there was another thing that was really weird it was like Mountain Dew or another soda that was also had like a weird history secret Like if it was Mountain Dew or it was at Mountain Dew Yeah, it was moonshine it was moonshine like made to mix with moonshine yeah, oh Designed to mix with a nickname Mountain Dew is a nickname in the Oh, it was designed to mix with moonshine? It's a nickname.

Mountain Dew is a nickname in the hills for moonshine. Oh, my God. That makes sense. And that's why PDC drinks it every day with a bottle of Patron. Here's how fucked up I am. That makes me want a Mountain Dew. It makes me want a Mountain Dew with some moonshine. All of a sudden, that's what I want to drink right now. With real sugar, it's not too bad.

It tastes a little bit different. Why don't we have Mountain Dew here? They have the throwback Mountain Dews now. Let's get Mountain Dew. We have some moonshine already, right? Get the throwback Mountain Dew. We have some fake-ass moonshine now. No hillbilly made our moonshine.

We have the moonshine they featured on the History Channel. Those fucking dudes. Yeah, if they sell the same moonshine at Applebee's, you know it's not the real moonshine. It's like this absence that we got. It's not even absence. We got like grape cider or something. The Applebee's. Yeah, we had real absence once. Remember that in Vancouver? That was fucked up.

That was weird. I described it as like a cousin to drunk. It wasn't quite like being drunk. It was like being drunk's cousin. Creepy drunk. It was very strange. It didn't fuck me up. It was uncomfortable because it was definitely different,

and I wasn't sure what to expect. But it wasn't bad. I mean, it's definitely a lot like drunk. Like, I would never drive on it. You could definitely tell that you're hindered physically. Like, you're like, ugh, a little, like, you'd make bad decisions. But it wasn't, it was just, it was definitely different, though. I wonder if I'm right.

I wonder if, you know, like, you could talk to, like, a Dr. Carl Hart type guy who's like, no, it's all in your head. It was basically just like being drunk, just with a shitty flavor. Yeah, I wonder half of it might be just, like, your myth, or what you think it is. Because, I mean, back in the day, they used to say you used to trip from drinking absinthe,

but nowadays you don't hear that anymore. Maybe they're not getting the good stuff, right? Yeah, I don't really get it. What the fuck is wormwood, right? That's what they use to make absinthe, right? I don't know. Boy, we're out of form. Pull all this up, Jamie.

You had to put it over sugar cubes or something to activate some sort of... There's something like that. But the stuff that we had, yeah, they did do it over sugar, didn't sugar didn't they yeah i forget how they did it and it tastes like licorice it was a long time ago where was that seattle no i believe that was vancouver because it's legal up there that was the deal that it was up in canada it's uh confirm that you're 21 years old enter liquor calm nice the five biggest absent myths yeah so they're pouring it over this this sugar cube what's the myths it's turning yellow absence is hallucinating that's a myth marketers love to capitalize on the products illicit reputation but the fact is it's no more likely to make you see things than vodka, whiskey, or tequila.

Absinthe was banned because it's hallucinogenic. That's also another myth. If absinthe isn't hallucinogenic, why was it banned in most European countries and in the U.S. in the early 20th century? Absinthe became a victim of its own popularity when the French wine industry and temperance movement targeted a common scapegoat to promote their respective agendas. Those cunts.

They did it, those fucks. The wine industry went after absinthe. Oh, my God, you cunts. That's weird. In reality, stop moving. In reality, according to Brews, whatever his name is, it was a cheap, adulterated

versions of the drink. Oh, it was cheap, adulterated versions of the drink sold by unscrupulous manufacturers not unlike bathtub gin during prohibition that caused the problems. Okay, so they just decided to capitalize on it. Sort of the same way, a partnership for a drug-free America. Like if you, um, if you don't

know, I used to do a bit about the dog, the lady with the talking dog, as many comedians did, but there was a stupid, it's commercial where the girl would come home from school and the dog would be like, Hey, I miss my my friend I wish you wouldn't get high all the time it's the stupidest fucking commercial any but then you find out as stupid as that commercial is that it was made by something called a partnership for a drug-free America well when you go into that that's where it gets hilarious a partnership for a drug-free America was financed in part at least by alcohol tobacco, tobacco, and pharmaceutical

companies. So I'm like, alcohol companies talking shit about pot is like hookers doing commercials against strippers. I'm like, that's literally what it's like. This is just cutting out the competition. That's all it was. So we were watching these stupid fucking commercials going, who is making these? Like, what is this? What's the agenda? Well, the agenda was to stifle competition, which is mind boggling. When you really find out that drug companies that make trillions of dollars selling drugs, if you combine the alcohol, the pharmaceutical industry, and the tobacco industry worldwide.

That is trillions of dollars. Trillions. The amount of money is staggering. And those fucks were financing a partnership for a drug-free America. And they let them. They fucking let them. It's hilarious. It's like a group of murderers banning together to stop the UFC

It's it's so stupid. It's so fucking stupid Absence in the u.s. Isn't real absinthe in the u.s. A few exceptions aside the quality and authenticity of the absinthe found in the US market Huh the quantity and authenticity is very good, he says. Hmm. What does that mean? Well, he's saying that it's good. I don't get it.

In contrast, the EU market remains heavily contaminated with offerings that amount to flavored vodka and green dye posing as absinthe. Did they reverse it? Yeah. It seems like they fucked that paragraph up. Oh, these are myths. So it's saying that the U.S. absinthe. Oh, right, of course.

Right, right, right. That's the myth. Oh, okay. So the U.S. absinthe is good. I forgot that it was all myths. Absinthe is from the Czech Republic. Not true. That's a myth too, huh?

It shouldn't be. Classic method of serving absinthe involves slowly dripping water over, into the spirit, often over a sugar cube held on by a special perforated spoon. But in another tradition that magically appeared in the 1900s, Beru says...

1990s. Oh, the 1900s, Beru says... 1990s. Oh, the 1990s. The sugar is first soaked with alcohol and lit with a match. Though impressive, the fire ritual is really designed to distract from the fact that a cheap and artificial product will not louche? What's that word?

Or turn cloudy with the addition of water like it should it's not necessary okay whatever that should be legal too of course well it's kind of legal i guess it is legal now but all of it should be legal man we're fucking babies we're babies over here it's ridiculous yeah it's interesting just going through what what's going to be next you know with marijuana becoming legal more and more places, like what's the next thing that, that we've been pussies about? Um, it's probably harder drugs. It's probably things like Coke. I mean, I think they're going to make some sort of an argument for sure that MDMA should be legal. All the, the, the ketamine studies that they're doing now, they're, they're saying that they're

going to start using ketamine more and more for depression. Remember Neil Brennan was talking about that? That he does ketamine treatments for depression? Wow. Tranquilizer. It's cat tranquilizer. Yeah. It's cat? I always thought it was horse. You might be right. It's one of those. I'm pretty sure they use it on cats. I think it's a veterinary

tranquilizer. I've done it. It's crazy. It makes you slow motion. Well, apparently if you do enough of it, you go into other dimensions and shit. Like, Brennan was saying, when he was talking about it, he was saying he got an IV dose of it and you are essentially, like, you completely dissolve.

You trip your fucking balls off. You go into some crazy alternative dimension and you're doing it in a doctor's office. An anesthesiologist is treating you for depression with these insane 45 minute ketamine trips and uh you know he leaves there he's a little foggy comes to the comedy store he's a little whacked out but other than that he's like my mind is fine he goes and i feel really good i think it's really working so then i started seeing it popping up all

over the place excuse me sorry where people are um talking about using it for depression that it's being approved for use for depression apparently it's really effective psychedelic trips in particular uh in general but ketamine in particular it's apparently like really effective for depression what about what do you think about peyote ceremonies and have you have you ever done peyote? No, never done it. You're supposed to do it next month, and you tell it. You should totally do it. It's some form of mescaline, essentially, and it's from the San Pedro cactus.

I don't know how they extract it. I don't know how that works, but it's not a hallucinogen per se, I believe. I believe it actually falls into like a stimulant category. I want to say, what is a barbiturate? Barbiturate is like a downer, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's not that.

I know it's supposed to make you puke a lot. I thought then you were going, because I've been just watching movies, you know, but like Natural Born Killers, you know, they went in that whole like thing where there's flying horses with. If you're in a peyote, you're likely to have a dream catcher on your wall. You might have one of those feather tattoos, you know, like goes down your arm with like a band with some feathers. That was a popular one.

Yeah. Dudes are just really in the Native American culture. Did they ever announce why that guy died off of an anaconda, whatever? Ayahuasca? Ayahuasca. Which guy? There was a second death recently of a young kid who died. And they kept the body for, I think, four or five weeks before returning it to the United States to the parents.

Oh, right. And they were going to test it out to find out why. to the United States to the parents. Oh, right. And they were going to test it out to find out why, but, you know, it could have been he mixed it with something else, like an antidepressant, or he, you know. That's probably really dangerous.

Right. Because I think some medications, if you're taking something that is an antidepressant like SSRI, you're not supposed to do ayahuasca, certain SSRIs. And I think also if you're taking anything where it gets really dangerous, if you're taking anything that's an MAOI and mono-amine oxidase inhibitor, which is very common in some forms of medication. And it is the reason why you can take ayahuasca in an oral form. So normally when you like ayahuasca, when you're taking it, what you're doing is essentially it's like a slow-release DMT trip, right?

DMT is in so many different plants. It's in hundreds, thousands even, that your body produces something to break it down in your gut. So, like, if you were eating lettuce and the lettuce had DMT in it, you'd just trip your fucking balls off, right? So your body's like, well, this is ridiculous. We can't just keep tripping every time we have a salad. So your body produces something called monoamine oxidase.

And that MAOI is also a part of the ayahuasca mixture. The inhibitor is something called harmine. So what it is is it inhibits your body's natural production of this stuff that breaks down DMT. So it allows it to get into your bloodstream and you have this wild, crazy trip. But apparently that same active ingredient in haramine also exists in a bunch of prescription medications. So if you're on that prescription medication and you go and you take this other stuff as well you get this overdose effect and it could be super dangerous for you apparently

super dangerous to fuck with that stuff too prescription ones and try to make like your own version of ayahuasca like by taking dmt with an maoi like you got to know what the fuck you're doing it can be real real dangerous it can what the fuck you're doing. It can be real, real dangerous. It can be super scary. I mean, you're fucking with brain chemistry. There's one thing if you're doing something that has like thousands of years of history. Like if you do mushrooms, who the fuck dies from mushrooms? You have to do the wrong mushrooms. If you're getting mushrooms from a reputable source, not like there is one, but if you know what you're doing and you get mushrooms, you grow them yourself, let's say,

it's just mushrooms. Like, you know what to expect. Like, you can get really fucked up, but you're going to live, right? But when you start fucking with, like, pharmaceutical drugs and pills and extracts and who knows, man? Who knows?

You could run into some shit. You know, again, it's part of the problem with things being illegal is that we don't know exactly how many people don't even know that when you eat weed you're tripping your fucking balls off on this 11 hydroxy metabolite you're not even getting like the thc how many people know that very few people few people do that's why it's so much stronger when people freak out about how strong pot cookies are. It's not even weed. It's not even the same drug as smoking it. But the reason why we don't know is because it's illegal. They should be teaching that in school. They teach you in school how many ounces of alcohol you could have for 100 pounds of body weight in order to worry,

if you could drive, you could have six ounces of beer and then you could drive. way in order to worry, you know, like if you could drive, like you can have six ounces of beer and then you could drive and make, you know, but if you get over that, like now you start getting into the illegal area. Everybody kind of knows, right? Everybody kind of knows like two beers, like you're getting close to the line. Have you had two beers in the span of a half an hour? You might be close to the illegal driving line, right? But what is it with eating weed?

What is it, you know, what is it with smoking weed? We don't fucking know. I mean, everybody has their own tolerance for sure, but there's no established number that everybody knows. Like, oh, if you eat this, how many milligrams have you had? Ten? Oh, you're fine. Because of the fact that it's illegal, there's all this guessing. It takes a long time to figure it out.

You've got to talk to a bunch of different people and get answers. Don't talk to Joey Diaz. Don't talk to Joey Diaz. Don't talk to Joey Diaz. He's throwing off the curve. Joey Diaz, don't worry about it, cocksucker. Eat another one. You're going to walk on ice. You might as well dance.

I saw him the other day on Periscope just eating. He's like, all right, here, Lee, take this. And he's like, they're eating just tons of edibles. And then they're like, all right, Lee, you've never done acid? Well, open up your tongue. Here's acid. And they just drop acid and eat shit. Yeah, Joey goes so deep.

He's not even experiencing reality as we know it. I know. Like his reality is just very different right now. And poor Lee. This guy's like, well, I guess acid eating that much is normal. He enjoys it. He's turning him into a Joey Diaz. Yeah, but listen, man.

Think about if you're Lee right nice kid very smart guy, he's a sweetheart funny on the show and This fucker has stumbled into a partnership with the funniest man. That's ever lived So he has this podcast the funniest man that's ever lived. What is the funniest man has ever lived do he doses them every day? Joey Diaz doses that guy with like 500 milligram Chibichus. He'll take the wrapper off of a fucking 200 milligram Chibichu, put a 500 milligram in there, wrap it back up, and hand it to him. Eat it, dog. They're mild.

They're mild. They're lying about the fucking number. 200 is normal. They're lying about the number. They say 200. Get the fuck out of here, 200 200 with your fucking faggy 200 i had like a 40 the other day or something like that i was fucked up out of but i can't believe that you know that lee thinks 200 is a normal number you know yeah those guys go deep yeah well you know what happens they they start doing it on a regular basis and then you get used

to that insane experience you know joey's used to that insane experience he's used to just being just deep in the hole like the allison chain song down in the house he just it's like he's doing it he's getting like a narcotic effect you know you, you got to think about like Joey's history. You know, Joey's whole life, he's done some sort of drugs. And now all he does is smoke weed. But his whole life, he's done like horrible drugs. You know, like terrible, terrible drugs and a lot of coke. The coke was probably the good one.

You know, he did a lot of coke the coke was like probably the good one you know he did a lot of crazy shit and so for him like he I think he probably misses that complete total escape from reality that that you could get when you eat 500 milligrams of chiba chews you're going you're going down man like the world the world will become paper thin. Walls will crumble in front of you like they're made out of dust. And you'll just be looking over the landscape that is the impending doom of your own body and society and the death of your wife and children and your friends and everyone dying. You're going to see that. That's what you're going to see on those goddamn pot, Chibichu 500 milligram Death Stars.

He had two Death Stars the other day. Two. Two Death Stars. Two. I've never even heard of anybody eating two of those things. You ever heard of the Death Star? No. Oh, my God.

What is it? There's some fucking thing that these guys in Northern California make. I think the same guys who make the gummy bears make the Death Stars. And they're supposed to be so bad. Joey was trying to give one to Alex Jones. Last time we were in Austin together, where's Alex Jones? I got to get him one of these Death Stars, Joe Rogan. I'm going to get him one of these Death Stars.

I'm going to fuck him up. Last time he had a loaf of bread gummy where he was cutting slices from it. He's like, let me slice you off one of these. Let me slice you off one. Like you're in a fucking deli with him. Hey, you got to try this new prosciutto. I got this new prosciutto. Oh, this fucking guy knows how to make a good prosciutto.

Yeah, he's slicing paper thin meat. Laying it down. That stuff's really good. You gave me some truffle the other day from that company in that box right there. And I actually know the people from that company. Jambos. Yeah, they live in Burbank. Yeah, they make great stuff.

It's really quality. It's really quality, and the stuff that they're making is all organic. They don't use corn syrup. They don't use honey when they're making their baked goods. So fucking good. Where can you get that? We'll talk get that because like i don't know if you know about this but this is uh on the internet and we're talking about things that may or may not be legal federally federally what a creepy situation that is the federal government still like that's why these these guys that are

running for president on the republican side some of them are so fucking scary because if they they really do say do what they say they're going to do and get into office and then all of a sudden go after these pot shops start raiding them like you're looking at like some civil war shit are they still doing it is it still happening i don't. No one's rating anything, but they're talking about it. This Chris Christie guy especially. No one thinks he can actually become president, but if he did become president, one of the things that he said he would do is immediately go into Colorado and Washington State and shut down all the pot sales.

Is he the black guy? No, that's Ben Carson. That's the religious one. He's fascinating, man. That guy's fascinating. I've been paying carson that's the religious one he's fascinating man that guy's fascinating i've been paying attention to him a lot lately he's really interesting ben carson is one of the best pediatric brain surgeons in the world like he has he has saved conjoined twins when conjoined twins were linked together at the head, like this is apparently these kids, they were sharing one artery. That's a very important artery that I think more than 20 different doctors or a bunch of different doctors that work 20 hours to to try to help these kids.

And they survived. They separated their fucking brains. They were conjoined twins, meaning their bodies are connected together at the head, and he saved them. Like, he's a brilliant, brilliant man when it comes to that. But then when it comes to, like, evolution... Yeah, Big Bang Theory. Yeah, he believes that Big Bang Theory's a myth.

He doesn't believe in evolution. Why is it always like that? It's like, you know, you're so smart in one area, but then you completely misjudge everything in the other area. Like, it doesn't make sense at all. It doesn't make sense. It's because, you know, we all know people that are really good at one thing and they suck at other stuff. And the more attention you put to this one thing oftentimes you neglect areas of your life like how many like torture geniuses that's like a really common term that

people love to use you know always a tortured genius like someone is a genius in like their musical life but in their their personal life it's just constant chaos they're an and they're screaming people and throw things around. Like, what is that? What is that? But ultimately, you look at it, if you separate yourself from society's idea of how you should behave or shouldn't behave and society's idea of like what's aesthetically pleasing about some kinds of music and how difficult it is to do, and just look at it like just outside of culture, right? Well, you look at it like a mathematical

problem you go well this is real simple this guy has resources right and he's dumped all the resources into this one thing like running he's like he's the best runner of all time but his personal life is chaos his family fucking hates him his friends he's a backstabber. Like the Lance Armstrong situation. You know, guy is like the baddest fucking biker of all time. Meanwhile, he's suing people. The people that are saying that he did drugs. He's like, I'll fucking sue you.

I'm suing this person. I'm suing that. He's got all this chaos going on. like that is this overwhelming desire for victory sort of takes over pretty much every aspect of the rest of your life like they say Michael Jordan you can't even play pool with that guy if you beat him in pool he will fucking hate you he hates you because what is his thing well his thing is just winning his overwhelming thing is winning and I don't know what he's like in real life but I haven't heard good things I've heard like he doesn't tip I've heard like weird shit like that you know like

he's not necessarily the nicest guy what could that be well it could be like he didn't focus on that he focused everything on this one thing everything on this one thing this is what's important I think I think you get a lot of that with people. I think this Ben Carson guy, he probably focused so much on that that he didn't apply that objective reasoning and that intellect to examining the various aspects of the mythology that is accepted as his reality. I mean, because Christianity, at the end of the day with no proof everything is mythology everything with no proof with proof then you examine the proof it's super simple and anybody that argues against that is just you're just biased you you have your own ideas if you have

some proof that there was a god that this god had one son and he made this son come down and get the beat out of him and nailed to a board so that we could all have no sin. Do you have, can you show me some studies? Can you give me, do you have a box of evidence that you can pull out and we can examine all the different pieces that points to the undeniable conclusion that that's true? Because if you don't, then it's a myth. Then you're believing mythology. Doesn't mean it's not real, but if you put all your fucking eggs in that basket

and you don't have any proof at all, well, you're entering into this weird world where you don't pay attention to shit. You're entering into this weird world where you ignore certain aspects of things because you've decided what is and what isn't. That's not thinking. That's not thinking.

It's like it's convenient cookie-holder placement of ideas. It's not thinking. Because if not thinking. It's convenient cookie holder placement of ideas. It's not thinking. Because if you're thinking, you can't accept it. If you're thinking, you go, wait, what? He came back from the dead? Has anyone ever done that? Three days? Came back from the dead. I don't think you can do that. I mean, that's what people would do normally. But, you know, my kid had a function today, and I went to this function. And we're singing God Bless America, and there's something about heaven in there, and there's school prayer. I'm like, okay, are we teaching people? We're teaching kids things, right?

What's heaven? Where is this? Is this a real thing? Are we just pretending heaven's real so the kids feel good and they can get through 12th grade? What are we doing here? What are we doing here? What are we doing? You know, we have to make shit up about stuff that we don't know instead of just accepting what we do know. Instead of just celebrating and accepting what we know about life, we have to pretend that there's a heaven and you're going to go to heaven when you die. What the fuck are you

talking about? Like you're teaching my kid nonsense. Why don't you teach him some Rumpelstiltskin shit? Why don't you make some shit up about leprechauns? You're making shit up about heaven. I'm not saying heaven doesn't exist, but you're just making it up. You're teaching a school in a class. You're making them. And then in heaven, God in heaven, God in heaven, where's heaven? Who's God? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You're making up some shit You're making up some shit in a school like and you don't okay look at the kid comes to you like um Where is heaven on a map? Can you uh can you take me to have is do we have a Google Earth we check out heaven?

Just either can I see the harp? Oh? You know heaven is is our Heavenly Father father that was another thing heavenly father like our heavenly father really this is what we're teaching in school heavenly fathers how come he's not a chick you know moms are usually better at like raising you than dads dad's working all the time it is weird that that when you have a kid that you do nothing but lie to them their their first 10 years of their life like about about Santa Claus, bunny rabbits, Jesus, monsters. Well, the Jesus thing keeps going. That's the weirdest part about it.

And again, it's just not saying that Jesus isn't real. It's just saying, like, if you looked, if that story existed in any other form other than religion, you'd be like, what? If you looked at that story outside of religion, if it wasn't something that, you know, you made the sign of the cross every morning and went to school and prayed, if you just read the story about a guy who was magic

and could turn water into wine, who could heal people, what did he do with fish? Did he fucking give people fish or some shit? Make some fish? The whole thing's so stupid. He'd be like, wait a minute, who told you this? Well, it's a long story.

See, it was actually spoken about for about a thousand years for anybody bothered to write it down. You'd be like, wait, what? Shut the fuck up. They told it for a thousand years. The Old Testament, they told the Old Testament for a thousand years. They used, it was, it was spoken for a thousand years. The Old Testament, they told the Old Testament for a thousand years. It was spoken. For a thousand years!

That's so long! That's like, just stop and think how fucking stupid that is. Literally, that would be like going back to the Julius Caesar days. And Julius Caesar, like a thousand years ago, the Romans were around a thousand years ago with it was that the Romans were around a thousand years ago right no before that it'd be like Genghis Khan it'd be like Genghis Khan's life and uh no one bothers to write it down until now I mean that's so stupid the idea behind that is so stupid that you could tell a story for a thousand years and get it right when you write it down.

It is interesting. Like, you know, Pope, you know, he believes in the Big Bang Theory and evolution's real. So it seems like they kind of have to slowly start accepting everything. But when it comes down to it, they still believe, you know, a magic man, you know, Jesus flying in and around. I'll tell you what, man. It always weirds me out when they have that guy on tv it weirds me the fuck out it weirds me i was watching colbert it was so strange man it was colbert and gaffigan who i love jim gaffigan and maria shriver and some other weird

dude and uh they were sitting around talking about what it means to be a catholic i was like what like what are you talking about and they were talking about forgiveness and catholicism is all about forgiveness and maria shriver is like being all proud to be a catholic and they're showing the mass i'm like i'm like hit the brakes aren't you grown adults like you guys are you're into nonsense so you're into nonsense. So you're into nonsense. Is that what this is? Cause this is what you're showing nonsense. You get this guy dressed like he's in a fucking Harry Potter movie and he's standing in front of all these people with a chalice. He's wearing a cult outfit. He literally is wearing a cult outfit from a thousand years

ago. And you're all sitting there listening to this nonsense total nonsense he's not even speaking in english and you're there you're like yes we're here we're here to witness the holy father like what the fuck are you talking you're there to witness a guy who works for an organization that owns a building that houses the largest gay bathhouse in Europe. Yeah, that's what the Vatican owns. I mean, the whole thing is so fucking ridiculous, and that this guy is meeting with all these people all across America, and they're all so happy to meet the Pope. This is so amazing, and he listens to people's stories, and he decides whether or not people should be able to get married if they're gay.

The whole, it's hilarious. He supported that Kim Davis lady. That lady went to the Vatican. They, they, they had a, a, a meeting with her. She got an audience at the Vatican. Oh, he told her that, uh, he was saying that people shouldn't have to violate their beliefs. So essentially, he was supporting her. He was supporting her decision not to marry gay people.

Yeah, when I first heard it, I wondered if he just pulled her aside and was like, Look, man, it's 2015. Just let it go. I don't think so. I think he's probably like, Listen, bitch, keep that shit up. I don't want to marry any dudes. That's probably what he's like. I'm going to keep my money. Look at all this money.

You want to marry any dudes. That's probably what he's like. I'm going to keep my money. Look at all this money. You want to see my gold? Take it to a fucking smog chamber from a hobbit. Just gold everywhere stacked up the ceiling. Have you seen the footage of him? I smell hobbits. Have you seen the footage of him sucking on toes? Do you know that's a thing? Him?

Yeah, it's a thing that he does. He goes around and sucks on guys' toes. Come on swear to god i dare you come on what are you talking about they should on the news it's like pope visited and blessed all these people and it's just him like kissing toes and like well i think he shows his humility by kissing your feet yeah yeah it was very gross but dudes kissing dudes feet yeah what part of the foot It was the top part totally depends what part of the foot like if you kiss like my shin my instep my instep I consider a weapon so kissing a knuckle, but if you suck on my little pinky toe right have a problem with that Yeah, I mean I just googled a Pope kisses feet and the first thing is humbling moment Pope Francis washes Rome prisoners So it's just him washing a bunch of guys

he washes them why can't they wash themselves what what is going on here i'm washing them for the lord first i will start with their balls then i wash their taint pope francis kisses and washes feet of young offenders at Rome prison after mass. Oh, God damn it. I remember it's one of the things that Jesus did as he was growing up. Wash the feet of them. How convenient. That's how they wrote it.

No, look, hold on. It's right here. It says right here, Jesus said, thou must sucketh the toes. He's getting deep in there. That's so gross. He is. He's deep in there. Meanwhile, it's. He is. He's deep in there. Meanwhile, it's an addendum.

Look at him. Oh, my. Here he goes. He's kissing the girl's feet. Oh, he's washing the girl's feet. Those are hot feet, though. She's got cute little feet. That's different.

So foot fetish people must be loving this. Oh, they must be whacking off like crazy to this. Pope. Pope kiss. Pope play. I got introduced to this girl by Chris Ryan, the author

of Sex at Dawn. And he's friends with this girl who, she's like a dominatrix and a humiliatrix. She humiliates dudes. And she sells her socks.

And she's got all these pictures on her Twitter of her like, dirty socks with her foot like up to you like one sock off one sock on she's like 300 bucks by my socks you pigs yeah I know a couple of those girls Duncan do a girl like that for a long time munchy stench or stinchy mouth or whatever her name was she just she came to my house to a party at one time for his birthday what the fuck was her name was, she just, she came to my house to a party one time for his birthday. What the fuck was her name?

Stingy mess. Yeah, there was like some crazy name. And she had her underwear and it was just like, and this was like, you know, old day. Zip lock. Yeah, it's brown. Yeah, well, she would have deals where she would have to wear her socks like many days in a row so they would really stink. And then she would sell them. Duncan's girl did. She would like have deals like, I got to wear her socks like many days in a row so they would really stink. And then she would sell them. Duncan's girl did.

She would like have deals like, I got to wear them for three days. She'd be like, I'm going to walk my dog. I got to get these socks nice and stinky. So she would just be walking around. And socks, you know what? Here's something weird. Socks, like cotton socks, stink so fucking bad. The worst, though, is like plastic. You ever have like some socks, stink so fucking bad. The worst though is like plastic.

You ever have like some sort of nylon material in the socks? I've had athletic socks that were so bad. Like I'd wear them for a couple hours and they would just fucking reek where I'd have to throw my sneakers in the washing machine. Like what's that smell? But what doesn't smell is wool. When I go hunting, we can wear the same socks. I'll wear the same socks for like days in a row. Days in a row. They don't stink. It's weird because it's wool.

Somehow or another, wool. Here's another thing about wool. Merino wool, especially, I guess, maybe all wool. But when it gets wet, you stay warm. Whereas like if cotton gets wet, you're fucked. Like so when you hunt, a lot of times it's cold as shit out. you stay warm. Whereas like if cotton gets wet, you're fucked. Like, so when you hunt a lot of times it's cold as shit out,

but you're dressed heavily and you're walking like up hills and you heat up and you start sweating. Well, if you weren't cotton, it's really fucking dangerous because that's how people get hypothermia. They start walking, they walk up hills and then they sit, and they fucking freeze to death. Because your whole body is like soaking wet from walking, and then you sit, and you're like, oh, Jesus. Like you get tired, and you can't go on anymore.

Well, you got wet clothes on, man. You got to make a fire to dry your clothes off. You got to take your clothes off and dry them by the fire, or you're not going to make it. But if you have wool on, it's crazy. You could be wet, and you're still warm. It's real weird. It's a non-synthetic. It's a biological hair.

And because its wool is lamb's wool, because it's coming, you know, it's lamb's hair, it preserves heat better. And it, like, the reaction that it has to moisture is completely different. It, like, retains heat it has to moisture is completely different. It, like, retains heat. It's real weird. You think it would make it stinkier.

Yeah, you would think so. You'd think it would smell like a dead sheep or something, right? Yeah. Sheep funk. But it doesn't, man. It's, like, one of the best ways to prevent your body from really stinking when you go on these trips. Because when we were in Montana the first time, when I got that deer right there, we were outside for five days, six days without a shower. And I'm sure I didn't smell great, for sure,

especially my butt. I was just shitting in a hole in the ground and taking toilet paper. And then we'd light the toilet paper on fire to burn it off that's that's what you would do so my asshole must have just been a disaster lucky i don't have to look at it though but um after five days of uh you know being um in the in the woods like that like i had the same clothes on for five days and it wasn't that hard it weren't like i didn't have to pry them off my skin.

You know how that gets like your socks sometimes? The other day where you have to like pry them away from the bottom of your skin. It's like they stick in the pores. And then they become hard, like crunchy. Where's the crunchy come from? That was in your foot? Well, it's toxins, man.

It's toxins. It's toxins it's foot toxins someone was trying to tell me that they're like they go to some place it might have been joey they go to some place they put your foot in this bath yeah and the toxins come out and it's black yeah it's black in the bottom you go whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what fucking toxins are in your what are you eating charcoal like what the fuck are you talking about i've always wanted to see if that's real i don't know. He always talks about that. It's not real.

I think it's a trick. Someone told me about the trick, too. Someone explained to me what the trick is. It's like some sort of a chemical that they put in the water, and there's a chemical reaction to your skin, and it makes this, like, black color. And you start thinking, oh, my God, the toxins are coming out. Cara Santa Maria is pretty funny about that shit, man.

You know, she's so smart. She's a scientist. She goes, it's one of the surefire ways to tell someone that's full of shit. They start talking about cleansing. They start talking about toxins and cleansing. And she's like, wait, wait, wait, what? What is going on here with your toxins? Yeah, the brown water is probably your dirty feet just wash

You probably washed your feet for you. No, I think there's an actual black like a hill or something Yeah, there's like something that they put in the water and when your feet react to it It just makes this black liquid which it's not Toxins you might have that's all it took you soak your feet and the blackness comes out of you you see like little demons fucking swirling around the water the spirits they're leaving your feet they hide out in your feet that's why your feet hurt at the end of the day it's ghosts i had a weird thing happen to me the other day i I don't know if I told you about my vision. I just started tripping out of nowhere. Yeah, I did hear about that.

My eyes weren't, like the light wasn't hitting my eyes right. Like my eyes weren't adjusting to light right. So if I looked at my arm and I waved my arm, it looked like there was like a blue line around it at points. Like very neon trippy, like laser. around it at points like very neon trippy like laser kind of like if you see like a film with a low exposure rate you know where you see like the weird trippy stuff and if I blinked my eyes everything got really bright for a second and then it went dark like darker so it's like I was seeing through a filter and somebody said they think it's an ocular migraine which is a migraine that you don't have a headache but your eyes from stressing it looking at computers or lack of sleep

That that happens, but I've had it happen twice in a month, right? That makes sense if it happens once it means you know your your eyes are weak by whatever you do I think I think looking monitors is fucking terrible You know I did a podcast last week where I didn't bring the laptop. We did a Fight Companion podcast. My eyes felt better by the end of the day. I was like, at the end of the day, I think staring at a screen like that. Maybe my screen's too bright.

But I think staring at a screen like that all the time, I just think it's real bad for you. It's totally unnatural to be staring at a light source like that. Six, you know, a foot, two feet from your face. Especially a phone where you're usually squinting it's not like a big screen phones are terrible it's great what they do is amazing i mean i would never give them back i would never say man rather go back to fucking smoke signals you know i love phones but the what they're doing to you is not good it's just not good it's just not good to be staring my eyes are significantly worse than they were three or four years ago.

Yeah, it goes fast. It's interesting. Mine's doing it right now. Yeah, it's not good. I bought a book that Steve Maxwell recommended, but I haven't gotten to it. I think the irony is not lost on me that when I'm wearing reading glasses, reading a book about how to not read with glasses, I'm wearing reading glasses. And when I'm reading a book about how to not use reading glasses while I'm reading with glasses, it's a book about not reading. Yeah. It's like

throw away your glasses and see, I think it's the name of the book i'm like it's hilarious i'm reading this book while i'm wearing glasses that's in that book makes zero sense probably it's like i think it's called the bates method for um strengthening your eyes the the idea is that your eyes are uh like any other part of your body and you if you use them properly you can uh strengthen them but if. If you use them properly, you can strengthen them. But if you don't use them properly, you can weaken them. You know, like if you breathe in coal fumes all day, you're going to fuck up your lungs. So the idea is if you're staring at a computer screen all day, you're fucking up your eyes. And there may be ways to sort of at least partially mitigate the damage that you're doing to your eyes.

Play some Quake. Yeah. That's supposed to be good for your eyes, right? God damn it. Can't get me in there, man. I know. I know what's wrong with me. That's one.

That's one that I can't go back to. It's just too much. I liked it too much. I just, I'm doing too well without it That's really what it is It'll help your eyes It'll help your eyes more than a book maybe I don't think it will

I just think It will be one hour And then it'll be two hours And then it'll be four hours a day And the next thing you know I'm not writing any new jokes I'm not You know

Going to the improv Or the comedy store I'm not sitting in front of The computer Or pen and paper And getting shit done No I'm not you know going to the improv or the Comedy Store I'm not sitting in front of the computer or pen and paper and getting shit done No, I'm Jones and Jones and to go frag people to go fucking chain gun someone and railgun them It's fun if you twitch for three hours shut up, and then you got some comedy out of it Yeah, you can make it a podcast what comedy would I get out of it? You're bullshitting with people you might get a joke out of it. I don't know about all that

Have you ever got eyeball kiss somebody like touched eyeballs? What comedy would I get out of it? Now you're bullshitting with people, you might get a joke out of it. I don't know about all that. Have you ever eyeball kissed somebody, like touched eyeballs? It's cool. How old are you again? Do it, it's cool. No, I haven't. It feels weird. You're like touching.

Did you do it to a girl? Yeah, I love it. So it's weird touching something that somebody sees through. There was a story about a dude who died. I don't know if it's true, so I should probably look it up. He got staph infection on his eyeball because during a wrestling match, his contact lens came out, fell on a mat, took it, put it back in his eye, and got a staph infection in his eye and wound up dying.

That could be one of those fucking leprechaun stories no it makes sense i mean eye herpes is a real thing and that's actually pretty common and you get outbreaks on your eyes is eye herpes a real thing yeah really eye herpes eyeballs you can get herpes in your eyeballs really yeah i heard ocular herpes ocular herpes so, when you go to close your eyelid, like, as you're blinking, it's going over that giant zit. Yeah. And you pop your eyeball zit. Oh, my God. How bold are you?

How bold do you have to be to pop an eyeball zit? Can you imagine if you popped it and you felt the ooze? Oh. Oh, God. Yeah. You probably can't pop an eyeball zit because what if it gets infected? Oh, God. Fuck, man.

That's not good. Don't Google image search eye herpes either. Just stop and think about some of the fucked up diseases that people can get. You don't even know about them until they happen. And then you go, wait, what do I have? Eyeball herpes. I actually looked up surfer's eye one time. Have you ever seen that no that's real brown yeah okay oh what is surfers I overexposure to Sun it's called petite tear gm I can't say that right but oh

wow a cochlear mucus extension I don't know. I sunburned my eyeball. It just starts taking over your eye. I think it's sort of like eye cancer. Oh, my God. And what do they do about it? I think you're fucked. You're going to lose your eye. Oh, my God. Really?

I mean, I don't think you can grow that. Look how much that one guy, I guess it's a woman, the black one. God, this is too horrible. Oh, my God. Look at that. Look how it's is too horrible. Oh, my God. Look at that. Look how it's overcoming her vision. Oh, my God. What's going on with this guy?

Same thing. Surfer. No, he's a victim of surf rage. Oh, yeah. Okay. That guy got his ass lit up. Does he have it? Kelly Slater has it?

Do you see it on Kelly Slater? No, he's just coming up. Wow, this is crazy. I know they get an ear thing, too. Surfers get surfer ear, where the inside of their ear, they develop these nodes, like these big bony protrusions. Scary shit, man. Surfing can't be that good.

I had a sunburn in my eye once because I was sitting at a table after a rainstorm, and the sun had reflected off the table into my eyes for two hours while I was just sitting there drinking or whatever. And a couple hours later, I couldn't see out of my eyes for like two days. Whoa. It was just burnt. My eyes were burnt. You had no idea? No idea what was going on. It's so bright. It's so bright. At least I'm not looking was just burnt. My eyes were burnt. You had no idea? No idea what was going on.

You're like, it's so bright. It's so bright. At least I'm not looking at the sun. Myrtle Beach. Again, booze. Yeah. That was spring break. If you were high, you'd be like, I need some sunglasses, man. Yeah.

This is bullshit, man. Yeah, it sucked. Because I had to go out in public. I remember I went to Red Lobster, and I couldn't see. And like, I remember I went to Red Lobster and I couldn't see. And my dad had to like walk me through Red Lobster. Oh my God. Did you hear that Ed Snowden got joined Twitter? Yeah.

He got like a million followers in an hour. He's at 1.19 billion. Interesting. And he did Neil deGrasse Tyson's podcast. Neil deGrasse Tyson is such a bad motherfucker. He wrote this on Twitter. He wrote, Ed Stodin, after discussing everything from chemistry to constitution on Star Talk, you're a patriot to me.

Stay safe. Poor fucking guy. Do you see who he's following? He's only following one account. Yeah, the NSA hilarious that is huh that is fucking hilarious that's high comedy poor bastard that's one of those things man like where's that guy gonna be 20 30 years from now because Because like, living in Russia,

we're just speculating. But I would imagine that's, well, you know what though, man? If anybody would not, I was going to say, it's probably terrifying you're living under this dictatorship.

But if anybody would feel that it's not like that, it's him. Because he knows what America's like. I mean, they're trying to put that fucking guy in jail. And why are they trying to put that fucking guy in jail.

And why are they trying to put him in jail? For exposing crime. That's why they're trying to put him in jail. They're trying to put him in jail for the very thing that Obama used to have on his Hope and Change campaign website. On his Hope and Change campaign website, before Obama became elected, he had this whole thing about whistleblowers. That they would support whistleblowers, people were exposing crime and that they wouldn't punish these people they would help them but meanwhile he's been the worst for whistleblowers it's it was bullshit you know he didn't really have the power

that he claimed to have or would have when he got in and then when he did get in he didn't do any of the things he said he would do when it comes to whistleblowers nor do you support them publicly he kept his fucking mouth shut or he spoke disparagingly about stoughton meanwhile you asked the american people if you gave like a poll like if everybody on twitter had a vote how many people are happy with what ed stoughton did and how many people think that what he did was dangerous and he should be in jail. I guarantee you most people, especially people that know what the case is actually about, they would support him. He went way out of his way to make sure that no one got in trouble or that no one was doxed,

that their information wasn't released and that critical operations weren't compromised. He went way out of his way. And he brought that shit to a bunch of different sources before he brought it to Glenn Greenwald there was a bunch of different people he brought it to that they didn't want to have anything to do with it the whole thing is just so strange it's terrifying you think Obama might help him out before he gets out of help him out like maybe like not excommunicate him because he's not in prison right now but he should totally do that back he should do that right now he should do that right now he should have a speech and he should tell the american public that what the nsa did crossed the line and that the average american person is not a criminal and we shouldn't be treated as a criminal

until proven differently it's not That's not how democracy works. And that kind of pressure, living your life under that kind of pressure is awful. Nobody wants to live like that, worrying that people are looking over your shoulder because it affects your freedom. It affects the way you think and behave. You feel like you're being observed and watched. And that has a big impact on how you behave and think. and that has a big impact on how you behave and think.

If you're constantly, like, if you ever worked in a place where your boss, like, thought you were untrustworthy or thought you were sneaky or didn't like you in any way and they're always, like, checking in on your work and they're always following you around, like, it makes working in that office a fucking nightmare. You're spending eight hours a day with some fucking guy who's constantly looking at you sideways. Imagine, turn it to 24 hours a day. And that's what the CIA or the NSA is doing. I mean, they're your boss. They're checking in on

you. Let me look at your Google search. What do you give a shit about torture? I mean, what if you want to find out how they torture people? You're allowed to as an adult, okay? As a fucking grown adult. And you say, torture tactics of adult. Okay. As a fucking grown adult. And you, you say torture tactics of ISIS. Like, I want to know what they do. Let's see what they do. Okay. Let's see what they do in China. Let's see what they do. Why? Why are you looking at it? Who the fuck are you? I'm looking at it because it's a possible search result. I want to ask a question. I want to know why is that bad? What's not bad. But if you start Googling weird shit about Islam or ISIS, or, you know, how do you convert? What if I want to know why is that bad what's not bad but if you start googling weird shit about Islam or Isis or you know how do you convert what if I want to know how you convert how does that work what do I what if I want to

know what's the protocol how do I join well what if I want to know am I gonna get visited because I want to have info I'm not joining Isis god damn it but if I want to have some information like maybe I'm want to be able to you know answer that question if someone says how do they join Isis that I was I researched that actually they this is what they do well well if you start looking at all that shit They will put you on a fucking list and well. They're putting you on that list for your own good Are they really how about you just catch people they do crime? How about you just prevent crime from happening and not by making everyone a criminal?

When you start looking at everybody's fucking email, you start recording everybody's phone calls, you start taking everybody's text messages and putting them in a database. Fuck you. You know? And we all agree with that. Meanwhile, this poor guy, he's in Russia.

What kind of pussy do you think he's getting over there? It's funny how Facebook does that legally. Probably hot ones, right? Hot in Russia. How many accounts do you have connected to Facebook? You know how it's like log in with Facebook? You forget how many times you do that.

And then there's a setting somewhere in Facebook where you can see everything you've done. And the other day I looked at it. It was like, oh, you listened to this song at 3 o'clock. Then you ordered food from this place. Then you took an Uber to this place. And then I was just like, holy shit. So you have so much information. You could look at it?

Yeah. So can anybody else look at it? No. But still. But Facebook has all that. And I've been doing it for years. You just forget when you log in with Facebook how much you actually use Facebook

or you're telling Facebook what you're doing, but you forget that you're logged in to Eat24 with Facebook how much you actually use that use Facebook or you're telling Facebook what you're doing but you forget that you're logged in to eat 24 with Facebook you're like Facebook you know it's see I don't do that I don't use Facebook to log into anything yeah I do cuz it's easy it's like until I have to sign up to me like that's not good how about especially a database like Facebook where they sell your shit. Because they sell your shit. Like, they're all coming up with new and better ways to profit off of the list that they can generate about what your buying habits are.

Like, you know how when, that always weirds me out. Like, you Google something. Like, the other day I was Googling a specific type of binocular. Swarovski. They're, like, very famous binoculars. So I'm Googling. I'm looking at the different types of binoculars. Then I go to some website and there's a fucking Swarovski ad in the Google ad things. Cause they know I've been looking like, Oh, what about this?

Why don't you buy that? I know you're thinking about it, man. And I was like, wow, that's kind of fucked up. It's kind of weird that they tailor the ads to you because I never saw hunting binocular ads and some fucking BuzzFeed website. All of a sudden, I see it. Why am I seeing that there? Because it's tailored to my search results. And just saying Olive Garden right now will make Olive Garden play on YouTube. Because they go through the audio of YouTube videos.

So you say Olive Garden right now. There will be an Olive Garden ad at the beginning of the podcast? A lot of times, yeah. Whoa. If it's a current paid sponsor from YouTube. Does that mean that they do a transcript of the show? Yeah. Everything is transcript now.

Any video you put out nowadays, there's a transcript of. Imagine trying to transcribe one of our shows. Oh, it's done. Yeah, but I mean, imagine if you try to look, if you took parts of it. That's like one of the problems that I have with people taking little snippets of the podcast and then making whole articles about a conversation that was said. Because you're taking something that's completely out of context, and all the humor and irony and sarcasm all that shit's completely missing you just get a sentence you

know like me telling milo yesterday you're gay as fuck dude like and then buzz what was it buzzfeed news or was it raw story story they make it you know and you look at it you go what is he saying here like why is he saying that to him like looks, it's so much different when you see something like transcribed, like transcription is not necessarily a really good, um, it's, it's not the full capturing of a conversation. It's just not. And try to pretend it is like when someone, if someone like put something in quotes and says that, you know, Hillary Clinton said this,

okay, can I see how she said it? Can I see who she was talking to? Can you show me a video of what they were talking about before then? Because then I'll only understand what she's really saying.

And that's how emojis were born. That's the purpose of them. Right. So you could have a girl going like with the hand to the side, you're like, oh, she's been cunty.

Is that with the hand to the side? I thought you were an Egyptian. Walk like an Egyptian. I didn't know that. I don't use emojis. You don't? No. I'm so deep in emojis. And the new ones are about to come out. We got Taco on the way. Taco? Taco's on the way.

They already have piles of shit and guns. Yeah have gun emojis Sometimes people send me a text And I'm like I don't know what you're saying But I think you're going to shoot the shit Shoot shit I overuse eggplant Why do you use that one

For cock Eggplant If your dick looks like that It's probably dying You probably have a horrible infection You need to go get your dick looks like that it's that fat it's probably dying you probably have a horrible infection you need to go get your dick drained yeah do you use eggplant sushi squirt the three drops of water that's uh that's one way to say a sentence woman you know it's a funny thing about the way we do

language that we think of that as like the only way to do language. But if you look at like hieroglyphs, that's kind of what they did. They just talk in emojis. I mean, the Egyptians, they drew all their shit. Like, here we are pushing a rock. Here we are with the boat. You know, this guy has a sword. Do they know if the hieroglyphs are written by smart people or not?

Has that ever come up? Well, they were the smartest people around. Otherwise, it would be people that had hieroglyphs that were know if the hieroglyphs are written by smart people or not? Has that ever come up? Well, they were the smartest people around. Otherwise, it would be people that had hieroglyphs that were making fun of hieroglyphs. He know fire. He's smart. What does that mean? Do we know if they were smart? The hieroglyphs that are found could have been written by dumb kids or whatever.

They were just writing emojis to each other. That's the only ones that got found? Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, there used to be a thing called the Library of Alexandria, but it was burned, burned to the ground more than once, I think. I think the Muslims burned it down, and I think someone else burned it down too. I want to say, I forget who it is, but they lost all their records.

They lost all their, people used to go to Egypt from all over the world to learn. They used to have psychedelic studies there. They used to trip balls. They used to fucking learn about mathematics and construction techniques. And we don't know what the fuck they taught them. We don't know what the fuck they knew. We don't know anything. We just see amazing, amazing shit that they left behind and go, fuck, how the hell did they do this? We don't know. We just guess. Just a bunch of guesswork, a bunch of scientists that every now and then someone will put together a paper.

We have solved the riddle of how they made the pyramids. It's quite simple, actually. No, it's not. Do you know it's not? It's not simple. They just carved it out of a mountain. It's not even a little simple. It's crazy.

Those things are giant and they're perfect. The Great Pyramid has 2,600,000 stones. They're cut so perfectly that you can't even wedge a sheet of paper. You can't get a razor blade in between the stones in most cases. The ones that you see on the outside that are rough and horrible, the reason why they're rough is because the pyramid used to be covered in smooth limestone. It used to be this beautiful, smooth, flat surface. But when they were building Cairo, those fucking apes, like a thousand years later, two thousand years later, whatever it was, they stole all the limestone from the pyramids.

They chipped it, chipped it away, pulled it off and built their streets with it. Fucking dummies. pulled it off and built their streets with it. Fucking dummies. That's so, you can imagine how fucking stupid they had to be to chip away at the outside of the pyramid and take the limestone off. Fucking morons. Do you think maybe the pyramids were just a mountain

and they just carved the pyramid out of the mountain? I think you need to read. You need to read books. Makes sense. That was one of the explanations for what the Sphinx was. The Sphinx was what they call a yardang. What a yardang is when you say, like you've ever seen, they always have these mountains where the side of the mountain looks like an Indian's head.

Well, the idea is you take something like that, and then you start actually carving away at it until it really looks like a sphinx. And the idea was that there was this rock that looked similar to that. It was like some standout rock, and then they did all this stuff to it. The problem with that is there's just a lot of evidence for how they built that thing. They know how they carved it out, the temple that the sphinx is in, that area that shows all the water erosion. They know where the blocks are.

They take them from here, they move them to there. Blocks are missing. So they're pretty sure they... That's another weird one, because the Sphinx, like, they're reconstructing it. And when they're reconstructing it, they're just building on the outside of it.

Like, they're doing such a shitty job. Like, have you ever seen, like, the reconstruction photos of the Sphinx? No. Are they just making, like, concrete? Well, they are. They're making, like... they're doing their own art and they're covering over the old shit like i guess they have to to preserve it because i guess it's crumbling and falling apart

so a lot of it is just to try to preserve it but like uh jamie see if you can pull up some pictures of the restoration of the spphinx because it's real controversial because when you look at it, you're not really looking at the Sphinx anymore. You're looking at a modern interpretation of covering the outside of the feet and parts of the base. It's not really the Sphinx anymore. Watch, they show the feet. See that, the upper right hand, the middle, the middle, sorry, where the middle you can see.

Oh, what? Really? Yeah. Go to view image and spread that out. It looks like they just cut. We'll just patch it up. Yeah. It'll be a $5.

Look what they're doing. They just have modern bricks and they're smoothing it all out. So, I mean, yeah, I guess it looks good like in terms of, you know, it's smooth stones and everything, but what they're doing is not the original Sphinx. Have you ever seen those people make the sidewalks where it looks like there's a bunch of rocks, but it's not? It's just an illusion where they take like this thing, they put it down and make like lines to make it look like rocks. And then they wash it a certain way. No, Jamie,

that's, I'm sorry, but Jamie, that's not real, right? The nose thing. That's not real. Looks like they're building a fake nose and the Sphinx like what?

No. So I'm sorry. So say that again. They have the, this, this way to make a, like where if they're making like a sidewalk they put down all this concrete then they put like a pattern that

looks like cut out rocks over it and they kind of like step on it they take it off and then they wash like a fake wash on it or something so then the final product looks like they have individual stones in the sidewalk when really it's just like an illusion

it's kind of like what what it looks like they're doing to the sphinx where they're almost making it look like it's like they're putting new rocks in it where it's probably just lines paint airbrush yeah it's it's real weird man it's real weird you know we have ideas about what what a what a thing is and other countries have different ideas like say like like we would look at that and we'd go okay that's not a restoration that's shit on the outside is different but like in Japan like in Japan they have buildings like houses that exist that are a thousand years old and what

they've done is restored everything everything's restored all the floor boards are new the walls are new everything's new but the shape is the same so like we look at it and we go well hey that's not the same building and they go well to them it is because that them it's the original location they've restored what it looks like and this is the original building to them but like in europe like if you go to a a pub in London, you'll go to a pub that's hundreds of years old. And that fucking pub is the same. You walk down those stairs, it's all worn out where the people's feet have been. You look at the walls, you look at the fucking railings on the bar and it's all worn down. Look at that. Look at that place. Jesus Christ. That's great.

Fuck. Where is that? that get some absence that's in London London has some cool old craftsmanship man I'm gonna go there never been there still you never been to London no I've only been to Canada and Japan that's right yeah London will be interesting if you go to because you could do some stand up there yeah there Sweden. I want to go to Sweden and London. You would do stand-up in Sweden? Yeah. Sweden, for some reason, just looking at numbers and stuff like that, Sweden's like number one almost.

It's right behind Canada and Australia. Well, they do speak English. That's the cool thing about being American. We're so fucking badass. Other countries speak our language. Actually, it's like European English thing. If you go to almost all

those countries, they speak English. I did stand up in Norway. Or in Sweden, rather. Stockholm. Is there certain countries that you have to know certain rules, like whatever you do to not talk about... I would imagine in the Middle East east especially you can't talk shit about the royal family thailand's the same way if you talk shit about the king in thailand they'll lock your

ass up have you been following what's going on with the black cabs versus uber that shit's interesting what's going on uh i guess from what i understand is you know the guys that used to have the horses back in the days they used to to drive around the horse carriages and stuff. Oh, in New York, you mean? No, in the UK. In England? Yeah. Okay.

And then they moved on through cabs and stuff like that. And I guess Uber's trying to come over there. And so this is like a family. My father used to ride horses and stuff. And so they're pretty much fighting with the Uber stuff and so they're like pretty much fighting with the uber drivers like and they're stopping traffic like there's a I sent you something that recently like the black cabs are protesting or they're just bringing the central London to a standstill just over this crazy so they

just shut down the streets yeah and the parked their car and shut down the streets and the black cab drivers are doing kind of like the beating up the Uber drivers. Old school gangs in New York type shit. But Uber just passed in Vegas. What? Yep. Oh, my God. Double charge than LA, though.

So it's twice as much as LA, but still cheaper than a taxi. You got to be in a group, too. Or something where you've got four or five, six people or something like that. Really? There's some weird rules about it. Oh, so they're trying to slowly box them out. I was thinking about it last time I was in Vegas. It would be really hard to, if there's a giant cab line, and you're like, ah, screw it, I'm going to use an Uber instead. You just go off to the side of the street and just stop, and a cab's going to pick uber's gonna stop on the strip and pick you up there's gonna be a chaos you're right yeah

it'd be complete chaos all it would be cars are stopping everywhere yep people getting mad beeping horns people gonna shoot people it's gonna be crazy they'd have to have uber ports at the hotels or something like that that's a crazy picture though that london picture put that up again jamie look at that photo look how many cabs there are they've completely shut the street down the folks who are at home we're uh looking at this on dailymail.com so you always got wonder you read something on the daily mail they're kind of full of shit but uh the picture is incredible they just have all these hundreds and hundreds of cabs shut down the streets and they're all just sitting around talking. Well, you know, I kind of see where they're coming from.

They don't want to get boxed out by some new competitor, but I kind of see where Uber's coming from too. I took a taxi the other day home from the comedy store, and what's usually a $13 cab ride cost me $38. You mean $13 on Uber usually, right? It's $13 on Uber usually, yes. And it was $38 on it in a taxi. $13 is super reasonable. Yeah.

Get you all the way to Burbank from the Comedy Store? Yep. Yeah, it's nice because if you think about it, parking's usually $20. Yeah. You pay a little extra. You don't have to drive. You don't have to get fucked up and drive home.

And that parking lot next door is always a nightmare. Yeah. The comics, the Sunset Strip, rather, it's just so crowded. It's such a crazy place. They've got La Cienega shut down still, right? No, it's open now. For doing construction? I think it's open now.

It was shut down forever. Yeah. Like how many months was it shut down for? Two, maybe. A while. They built something there. It was shut down forever. Yeah. Like, how many months was it shut down for? Two, maybe. It's a while. They built something there. It's amazing that you can build something. You can have so much juice that while you're building, you can shut down the whole street.

In L.A. on Sunset. I mean, what? You have that much juice? You can shut a street down? I'm building my house here. I'd just like you to stop driving cars. Okay. For how long long a couple months? What?

You think if you said that like I want to build my house here But for whatever reason because they have more money than you they can do that like they're building some stupid-ass fucking building That it's more important They build a stupid-ass fucking building than it is for you to drive on the street that you pay taxes to maintain stupid-ass fucking building than it is for you to drive on the street that you pay taxes to maintain. God damn it, I'm getting mad. Or when they're, like, closed down streets for, like, oh, they're filming the Kardashians up ahead, so they're closed down Sunset.

That makes me violent. Yeah. Well, for movies, too, they'll shut them down for movies. Like, fuck you. That's not how it works. Like, you don't, you can't just sell the street. You can't sell, how much money are you getting? Where's that money going?

It's inconveniencing all the rest of us. And you're talking about a place that's already massively overpopulated. L.A.'s extremely overpopulated. I have friends that work in downtown, and they go to downtown all the time. And they'll tell you, like, it's a two-hour drive. It's a two-and-'s a two and a half hour drive it's it's 30 miles and it'll take you two and a half hours at two in the afternoon three in the afternoon you might not get there till five like fuck that it's it's a it's a crazy place to live we're gonna bail where are we going where should we? Oregon's not bad. I'm back to thinking Denver.

Recreational pot becomes legal Thursday. Whoop, whoop. You sit back to thinking Denver? Yeah. Here's why I like Denver over Oregon. It doesn't fucking rain every day. Right. Okay?

Look at that guy. That's a guy who's been rained on every day since he was three. He's tired. His bones hurt. He just looks worn out. They look hurt. He just looks worn out. They look worn out. They get worn out. Yeah, I think Denver or even maybe, I wish Hawaii was more.

Although, Portland has some hot chicks. There's hot girls in Portland. It's weird. You wouldn't think they'd be up there. There's plenty. Even though it's raining all the time. They'd probably cry a lot. You'd probably cry a lot, too.

We'd all cry. We'd just call each other up. I don't know, man. I'm thinking of going back to Burbank. I can't take the winter. I can't take the rain. Did you see the new Tesla? Yes.

What do you think about it? Why do they have a fucking space door on it? Why is it with Lambo doors? Because it's cool, man. Is that why? Or is it a functional thing? I don't know. I think it looks neat.

You don't like it? I don't know. See, if it's... I just want to know why they're doing that thing. That door thing. Where they're opening the door sideways. They're opening the doors like the Lamborghini doors. Like, why would you want that?

That doesn't make any sense to me. It's pretty cool. Look at him. He's always got that weird look on his face, like, okay. You know, like he's doing something weird with his lips, like, all right. Well, I'm just going to get out of the Model X here Something new BMW ones those look cool. I like the look of the BMW yeah the blue and the white or whatever It looks really neat. It's a Tron car some guy in front of me this morning had one. Those are expensive, right?

Yeah, they're really expensive like a hundred twenty thousand bucks Those are expensive, right? Yeah, they're really expensive. They're like $120,000. Shit. That's super expensive. This fucking thing he's got is even more than that. This fucker's like $140,000.

It's super expensive, and it's stupid fast. It's supposed to go zero to 60 in like three seconds. What's the battery on this one? Probably get you around the block a couple times. Shit's out on you and explodes underneath you. I don't know, man. This is what I think about these things. I love the fact that someone's making them. I love the fact that they're available. And if you live in a place like LA and you have electrical power, you could drive this every day, plug it in at night, you'd be fine. But I would always want

to have a real car standing by. I would always want to have a real car standing by. I would always want to have a real car standing by in case the shit hit the fan. You got to get out of town and you need something that works on just gasoline, you know, because I just think if you need to drive a long distance, like from New York to California, you can't fucking do it in that thing.

You can't do it. It goes 250 miles and that's it. And you got to fucking charge it. And if you don't charge it, it's going to leave you that's it. And you've got to fucking charge it. And if you don't charge it, it's going to leave you somewhere. But if you're just trying to get around town, oh, it's great. It's probably the way to go. Like, I should probably get one. I should probably get a Tesla for, like, a drive-around town car.

Oh, yeah. Get solar power and a Tesla is, like, the perfect setup for drive-around town. I sent you a link of six cars that are taking on Tesla, like the Porsche Mission E, which looks pretty sweet also. Slower than a Tesla, believe it or not. I think what's cool is the Thunder Power EV. Have you seen this? This looks like a Batmobile.

Well, the prettiest one was the Fisker Karma. Do you remember the Fisker Karma? The company went under, but they created this amazingly beautiful car that even had solar panel on the roof that powered the radio. But when they had that big storm in the Pacific Northeast a few years back, they left all the Fiskers on the dock and they all got washed away by the ocean and exploded. The water came out of the ocean and filled up the parking lot, and the water level raised up to where the batteries were, and they all exploded. Oh, my God. They had like 60.

Whoa. That's the one I'm talking about. Hold up. That's the Thunder Power EV. Who made that? It is a Taiwan based maker you know what that looks like like a Nissan GTR fucked your your Volkswagen bug yeah that's what it looks like it goes 62 miles an hour in five seconds

that's not good as it goes a top speed of 155 that can be right 62 miles an hour in five seconds is so slow is it yeah that's stupid. That can't be right. 62 miles an hour in five seconds is so slow. Is it? Yeah, that's stupid slow. That can't be right. It says, where does it say that? It says a reporter accelerate to 62 miles per hour in less than five seconds. Yeah, that's slow as shit, man. Like the, the modern cars of today, like you, you can get SUVs that do that. Easy. That's what I think the Range Rover does. I think you can do a Range Rover in five seconds. Those Range Rover turbocharged

ones? Those are fast as shit. But to make a dope-looking, really flashy, in-your-face car like that? I like the Porsche. I think the Porsche Mission E looks... Aston Martin. See, that looks like a Ford Fusion or something to me. I think it's because they own them.

Oh, is that why? I think Ford owns Aston Martin. Oh, yeah, same front as their Ford Fusion or whatever. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Ford owns them. Doesn't Ford own Jaguar? Yeah. Do they? I think...

Somebody owns Jaguar. Mercury. No, wait. Is Mercury real? Is Mercury still a thing? Mercury was the same. It was like the Ford Taurus, but they just changed the name. It was so weird.

Who owns Jaguar? I'll tell you what. Jaguars today are fucking slick. Yeah, I like them. Have you seen the new one? The new Jaguar Coupe? Jamie, pull out a photo of the new Jaguar Coupe. I'm trying to find, continue to cite.

Why do they do that? Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my car. Why don't you sell it? That's dope. Look at that thing. Yeah, that looks sweet. That is a fucking dope car. And is that one of those 360 degree?

See, just go to a regular site instead of the car site so you can get some good images of it. It's a nasty car. They're super fast, too. The F-Type, I think they call it. It's like 560 horsepower or something ridiculous. Really fast. Really loud. Like boisterous.

Dude, they nailed it. Look at that. Come on. That's perfect. They nailed it. I mean, that is a fucking beautiful piece of automotive engineering and artwork. They nailed that. That is a futuristic looking car right there.

It starts off at $63,000? They're not that expensive for what they are. I mean, for $63,000, you're not going to get the stupid, super-powerful one, but you still get that same beautiful shape. I wonder what their maintenance is like. Because, you know, Car and Driver did this thing on the new Corvette. I was all gung-ho for the new Corvette. I'm like, that car is sick.

I think I might be interested in driving one of those. Go America, all that good shit. But their repair record, at least for car and driver, road and track, car and driver, one of those. I don't know which one it was. But their repair record was atrocious. Like, this thing's falling apart. They had to replace the engine already.

At 6,000 miles, they replaced the entire engine. Maybe it was just a lemon that they had, though. I had that happen with my old car. I mean, everything went wrong with it. Look how dope that cockpit looks. I like it. The F-type interior. Go full screen on that, Jamie.

Let me see that. A few image. Look at that. That is fucking, that's a spaceship, man. God, I just love what they're doing these days. I just love the fact that everything continues to improve. Like, whatever you buy, whether you're buying toasters or whether you're buying televisions or cars, they just keep making shit better and better and better.

And now you can get, like, really good shit fairly reasonably for fairly reasonable money. Like, I saw some review they were doing about this new Jeep that they have it's like a Jeep but it's based on the Fiat platform it's like a tiny Jeep 30,000 bucks really yes and you're in it and you look you know the guys like looking around is like this is a nice car and it's $30,000 it's like a small looking smushed Jeep it's but you're in it and you're looking at the car. You could get this for $30,000? This is pretty nice.

It's like you drive it. It's respectable. It's a decent vehicle. Do you think Volkswagen is going to survive this? They're fucked. They're fucked, right? They're fucked. Better get your money now, kid.

Right. Because I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with mine. And Dean Del Rey is also thinking about buying a Volkswagen. Sell them yours. He was there the other day, and they were like. It's convertible. It's almost like a motorcycle. They were talking about like how, oh, this is a rare one, and it's just a $3,000 extra bonus for this car.

And I'm like, wait, aren't they about to get fucked, right? Yeah. They're doomed. All right, I got to get out of this. Give it to Dean. Sell it to him. He doesn't want a Beetle't what does he want some gangster gti oh our type or whatever well those are uh those are fast little cars so i used to have corrado volkswagen corrado that was a front wheel drive car but those gtis are very fast yeah the new ones are

ridiculous well it's because as the engineering gets better and the cars get better, like even a car that used to be kind of quick, like back in the day when I had a Volkswagen, they're fast now. Like if you compared like a Volkswagen when I had my Volkswagen, which was 1993, I think I bought it, a Corvette from that day is probably slower than a GTI from today because they're just better now everything's better breaking is better handlings better if it went around a slalom I bet the GTI probably beat it yeah it goes it's the one he's looking at it's talking talk to you into your car haha

should be saying this online. 292 horsepower. It's a nice car. It's probably super light, too. 292? That's pretty respectable for a light car. Those are fun, man. Little light, fun car like that to drive. How much do those go for? It's like 30, I think. Why don't you tell those dummies to hook you up?

Say, listen, I could just get on a podcast and talk mad shit about you all the time, but I don't want to do that. And say, listen, I could just get on a podcast and talk mad shit about you all the time, but I don't want to do that and say, my friend Joe, he just always wants to talk shit about Volkswagen. I discourage a lot of the conversations. But anyway, that's beside the point. I'm interested in those GTIs. Can we make something happen?

The Golf R. Whatever it is. Is that what it is, a Golf R? Yeah. That's a slick little car. Yeah. That's got to be fun. I just don't know whether to stay with Volkswagen or not.

They're good engineering. I mean, it's German engineering. They've always made great cars. What they've done is horrible, though. I mean, you would have to wonder whether or not that's reflected in the rest of what they're doing. Because what they did is terrible. I mean, they've lied. Straight up. It was in the Audis, too, right? What's lied. It was in the Audis, too, right?

What's that? It was in the Audis, too, I think. Was it? I don't think so. I think I know what you're talking about. I think Audi was talking about how many different cars it was because they were a part of the thing. But I don't believe it was their cars as well. I'm pretty sure it had to do with diesels for the most part, which is what Callan has, that fuck.

And I was always telling him, like, this thing stinks. How can this be good for the environment? Does it smell? Because I almost bought a diesel one. They fucking stink. And I was always telling him, I was like, how can this be good for the environment? It is.

It's amazing. It's really good. It's amazing for the environment. Yeah. I mean, and it's German engineering built in Mexico now. You know what I would get if I was you, honestly? If you don't want to spend too much money, I would get a Volkswagen. Not a Volkswagen, a Mustang.

Get one of the new Mustangs. The new Mustang GTs, that's another car that's like 30-something, and they're really fucking good. They're really good. They did a review of one of them recently. This guy took it for a test drive and he's driving around. He's like, this is a hell of a car for 35,000 bucks. He's like, it's fast. It handles good. It looks great. Like this is like the bargain of all American cars. Cause like, this is the best Mustang ever by far, like by far far it's got fully independent suspension the the form is beautiful the interior

is really nice like you get in the interior like these fucking seats and the steering wheel like it's a solid car and then you go it's only 30 grand like this you can get a mustang gt i think it's 35 or 39 000 and that thing has 420 horsepower, fast as shit, handles really good. I mean, it's a great car. But, you know, having such a small, fast, peppy car the last three years, there's a big difference between having almost like a go-kart and then having like a big muscle car kind of thing. Oh, like a Mustang, you mean?

Yeah. Right. But they're so fast, you wouldn't notice a difference. And you'd have more space kind of thing. Oh, like a Mustang, you mean? Yeah. Right, but they're so fast, you wouldn't notice a difference, and you'd have more space inside of it. Like, they handle so good. These new ones, like, they don't feel like big, you know, like my Barracuda was that big,

lumbering, fucking shitty-to-drive car. They don't feel like that. They feel, like, connected to the road. Modern shit, man. They're just so good at it. They're so good at figuring out suspension, the dynamics of having like each individual wheel respond to different bumps in the roads.

Like they have these magnetic ride control suspensions they do in these GM cars and they're all working on computers and shit and they know when certain wheels are spinning and certain wheels are dry They like to understand the terrain they have cars that can read the road and prepare for the bumps What the fuck like they see the road in front of you. Oh bumps coming We're just gonna loosen this up and make this light and and tighten this up and it's incredible

There's something missing like when you you drive them, they feel numb, you know, like, you know, you know, you know, experiencing the feel of the road, but God, their capabilities are just amazing. Meanwhile, we're probably 10 years away from having most of the cars on the road automated, maybe 10 years away. You're going to get in your car in the morning. Say if you had a regular job, you would get in your car in the morning. Say if you had a regular job, you would get in your car in the morning and you would press, you know, um, office, boom, whatever it is. And you just sit down, sit down, you read your newspaper, you, uh, look at

your laptop and that asshole that's not automated. He's going to be the problem. You're like, I drove to work days, this fucking guy in an old Volkswagen totally not automated She's running red lights. He hit this lady who's automated Yeah, I think that and uber drones like you know being picked up by a drone. It's gonna be Another thing in the future that that's way more problematic Cuz you're gonna have to get something that's big enough to fly people around in, which means before Uber ever uses it, people are going to be flying around in them. And once people can fly around in them, they're not going to trust other people to drive them around in it.

They'd have to be a way to – you know what they'd have to do? They'd have to have those things but have them completely magnetized on the outside so that they could never collide with each other. So there's something that keeps them from each other. And then you would have to have some software that overrode the ability to direct it into buildings. Because otherwise people would just fucking, you fucking cunt, I'm coming to your work right now.

I'm on the 12th floor, you'll never get through the lobby. Fuck you. And they'd just get through the lobby. Fuck you. And they just fly through the building and kill her. I mean, people would do that. There'd be people that they just decide, I'm going to take out the U.S. Open is playing. I'm going to do the ninth hole, and I'm going to fucking crash my car right into everybody.

People just can decide to go places where ordinarily fences were there until now have you been tempted to buy a drone yet like i was at fries the other day they had like a really nice drone but you know it's like 600 bucks but like a really nice one i know a guy who has one it was cool he he brought it to uh this place we're at in alberta and we're all hanging out in this field and he sent it up in the air and it circled us it circled us all we're all sitting around looking up and it circled us and he showed us the video and I was like whoa this is nuts like it's high speed HD video from a laptop or from a cell phone rather like you could you could attach like an iPhone to it this is crazy

GoPros. Yeah. It's crazy. And they're doing it now where it sets up with virtual reality. So you put those VR goggles on and then you look through the eyes of the drone. The drone flies over trees. I've done that. That's nuts. It's weird.

They're big in weddings now. Like that's a huge thing. Photographers from weddings now have like big drone flythroughs of the wedding and stuff like that. Oh, boy. What a strange world we live in, Brian. Did you hear about the Saudi prince? What happened? He got away.

How did he get away? The guy was accused of rape? They arrested him for bail. He got a $300,000 bail, and now he's gone. Whoa. He took off out of the country? Yeah, his neighbor's city was probably moving. They saw some cars come in on Tuesday night, Monday night, something like that. Whoa. He took off out of the country? Yeah, his neighbor's city was probably moving. They saw some cars come in on, like, Tuesday night, Wednesday, Monday night, something like that. Whoa.

Next day, he's gone. Wow. Back to Saudi Arabia, huh? Wow. Saudi royal drama. The prince has flown the $37 million. So his bail was $37 million? No, that's his house.

That's how much his house costs. Oh. But I heard he was renting. I heard he was renting the house. We were just talking about this. When were we? Like a couple weeks ago. Well, we were talking about these guys that come over and they have a shit ton of money

and they buy all this expensive real estate. And then there was the people that were racing. You saw that, Brian, right? Mm-hmm. The racers. Yeah. Oh, he only had $300,000 bail? Yeah.

Yeah. How the fuck did they think that that might have been a fucking bullshit L.A. County thing? They were just taking $300,000 to pay for something, and then he's out of here anyway. Neighbors say they believe the prince has already fled the country in a private jet, leaving his rented house behind. One woman, who would only give her name, as Isabel said, numerous cars were coming in and out of the property late Thursday, and it looked like the prince was moving out.

Meanwhile, another... Imagine Eric Stitskin, added, I am sure he has taken off on his private jet by now. I don't think he even needs a passport to get out of here. Quote me on that. Yeah, those guys have money. It's amazing. Scary. This is what you can get away with in 2015,

that you only pay a couple hundred thousand dollars for bail even though they know you're worth trillions. I mean, how much is that guy worth? And he just bails. And there's nothing they can do about it. He's 29 years old, huh? Wow. That's amazing.

And his name is so confusing, no one's going to remember it. So he can come back here in a couple weeks. Well, he's a prince, dude. He can't come back. But unless somehow or another they forget, Saudi prince accused of sex crimes could face legal lasso in flight what legal lasso just doesn't come back to America

what legal lasso hey don't go there they'll arrest you okay I stay here unless Saudi Arabia gets bombed that's not going to happen there's so much money over there it's really interesting watching Periscope over there because they want to show off everything they have

all the time Periscope over there because they just, you know, they want to show off everything they have all the time. And I'll just sit there. Periscope's really changed me lately. I'll just sit in bed and just go on the map and go, let's see who's Periscoping in Japan right now. You know? And you just go to Saudi Arabia? Yeah, just go to Saudi Arabia. It's usually a guy just sitting there

in like a backseat of a limo, you know, with like his stuff on and just like, hey, what's up, brother? And they go in between knowing English, in a backseat of a limo with his stuff on. Just like, hey, what's up, brother? And they go in between knowing English. I'll just go up and go, yo, what's up, man? How you doing? And they talk to you? Oh, hey.

Yeah, it's so weird. They go in between languages. Oh, wow. It's very interesting. So you send a little text message to them? Yeah, I just troll people. So I'll start trolling them. Where's your tiger?

You guys ever eat bacon? When you go to their page, how many people are viewing it? It's usually like 10, 14. Oh, wow. It's not many people. You're so weird the things that you do. It's really interesting

watching people on Periscope. With the map feature, it's really cool because you could just go let's see what's going on in a random town in Mexico. And it's just some little Mexican woman just sitting there going, you know, it's weird. Making tacos. Making tacos. Talking shit. Getting the Pope to clean her feet.

Yeah. And there's a lot of weird motivational, like, speakers. On Periscope? Yeah. And a lot of scam artist guys from Beverly Hills. Like, yeah, I created this company. If anyone wants to meet here and talk about Periscope. and a lot of scam artist guys from Beverly Hills. Like, yeah, I created this company. If anyone wants to meet here and talk about Periscope and just random women showing up like,

oh, you're a millionaire. I saw you on Periscope. Whoa. It's creepy. That is creepy. Yeah, I don't use it anymore. I used it a couple times at the store. And I was like, I can't be fucking bothered. And also, I think there's just, I've got too much going on as it anymore. I used it a couple times at the store and I was like, I can't be fucking bothered. And

also I think there's just, I've got too much going on as it is. This stuff's already spread me thin, whether it's Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. It's like, it's enough. I go long periods of time without using any of it. Speaking of which, I'll take an Instagram of you right now. I'm thinking, I'm thinking my latest thing is Facebook, thinking about getting rid of Facebook. What? Like completely. Smile. Why would you say you get rid of Facebook?

You know, when they do that shit where it's like, oh, six years ago today, you did this. And you're like, oh, my God, I completely forgot I had that on there. The smile part didn't work. Smile again. Smile like you're happy, not like you're bad. I can't. I've got to get my teeth fixed. What are you doing with your teeth?

Tooth is just, I have a tooth that was supposed to be replaced 25 years ago. Put your tooth again. I have a tooth that was supposed to be fixed like 25 years ago. It's just a temporary tooth, and I haven't fixed it. Now, recently, it's just like stained, and it won't fixed it now recently it's just like stained and it won't stop won't stop staining no i think i wonder why cigarettes coffee weird it's supposed to be it's not supposed to be in my mouth though oh they were like oh you know you could wear this for like a couple months but you should come in and probably replace this it's just a temporary 20 years later like um guys're like, um, guys? Um, guys?

I hate the dentist. Why do you hate the dentist? That's one of the most illogical fears, the fear of the dentist. I had a lot of trauma as a kid in the dentist, though, so it wasn't a happy place for me. What about that guy that was a dentist or a doctor in San Diego? He raped eight different women, eight, and they gave him a year of house arrest he raped

eight different women while they were unconscious put them under and fucked them and this guy got a year of house arrest why is that rape culture rape culture that's one of the times where I side with the social justice warriors I'm like well, well, maybe it's right. You know, when you see things like that, I mean, obviously, you're dealing with 350 million people in this country. The number of human beings in this country is fucking staggering, okay? And in that staggering number, you're going to have cunts. There's absolutely going to be a certain amount of people that are just horrible. And this is one of them. All right, molested, not fucked. No, that are just horrible. And this is one of them. All right.

Molested, not fucked. No, no, no. He fucked them. He fucked them. He penetrated them when they were unconscious. Look at him. He doesn't seem like he's very dangerous. I mean, I'm not lying, right?

Didn't they say he had sex with them? I'm pretty sure. Well, Cosby, three new women came out today. Three new ones? Yeah. Jesus. One victim was only eight years old. Fuck this guy.

Jesus Christ. Oh, there's 12 victims. Oh, my God. He suffers from kidney cancer, quickly pleaded guilty, sparing his victims from testifying about his crimes. Dude, I don't want to hear this, man. I want this guy to just be dead. Fuck. The idea that someone could do that to you

while you're unconscious, just fuck you. It's such one of the creepiest things. Imagine standing over someone while they're unconscious and just thinking about what you're going to do to them. Just flicking them in the head. Pull your dick out, resting on their nose, taking pictures. Yeah, I had that once and it freaked me out. I woke up in another room and it was dark. I'm like, where am I?

And I totally forgot where I was, counting backwards. Did you really? Yeah. Like you thought you were unconscious? No, no. Like where they make you count backwards and then you wake up and you're in another room. You're like, wait, what the fuck happened? Where am I? So what is, what is your fear about the dentist? Like, did you, did you experience pain when you were a kid? Yeah. When I was young, I was in a car accident and my teeth, my two front teeth got knocked in half. They cut in half in this car accident and i had to have a lot

of different surgeries and and i mean i'm like six years old getting drills and shit in my mouth and then i've had them knocked out before after that and they put them in again just like my growing up i had a lot of teeth problems just like surgical stuff and like with two separate wisdom tooth compact to implant into my skull it's crazy teeth are kind of annoying you can't stop but think about it you only get one pair of them they're not even anchored in you know they come out you get punched they fall out and then they're gone forever like what like I've seen a lot of people get their teeth knocked out super common and MMA it. In MMA, it happens all the time. It happens in fights all the time.

Well, I'll be talking to guys even post-fight, and they're like, my feet, teeth are knocked out, man. My teeth are, like, really loose right now. Like, you see the blood, and they have to go and get everything wired in. It's real common. It's a shitty design. Yeah. Well, nowadays with implants and, you know, those fake teeth, everyone has really nice teeth. Stem cell dental implants grow new teeth right in your mouth.

Jesus Christ. It's from 2010, but I heard about it recently. It still sounds pretty cool, especially with the stem cell stuff you've been talking about. Dude, I am a big fan. I need a stem cell with my knee. You probably do. I'm a big fan of the stem cells. I wouldn't say my, excuse me, I wouldn't say that my shoulder is a hundred percent after a stem cell because I still kind of feel it, but I don't have any pain and I'm not, I'm not doing anything heavy as far as like bench pressing, but I'm doing a lot of crazy rowing, like heavy weights, like a hundred pound dumbbells, 110 pound dumbbells, no problem. I'm doing chin-ups,

no problem. I'm doing hard sets of chin-ups, you know, like where I'm pulling to fatigue, no problem. I'm doing push-ups. I haven't done any bench press, but I've been doing like a lot of sets of push-ups because I don't want to tax the area too much because it's only been two months. I keep waiting for it to hurt the next day, problems no pain one fucking injection of stem cells wow and it seems like every day like the used to like click and crunch a lot well every day the clicking and crunching gets lighter and lighter it's like it's less and less it's only been eight weeks it'll be eight weeks on friday that's great it's nuts it's nuts man it's weird can you just get another one, or do you have to wait a certain amount of time before it's...

That's debatable. You know, it depends on who you're talking to. Like, Dr. Gordon says I could do it all the time. He's like, go in again. He's like, it's just healing you. He's like, they're just... What it is is just the stem cells will find the area of your body that's having an issue, and they go in and heal it.

But the other doctors are more cautious. They're like, you know... that's having an issue, and they go in and heal it. But the other doctors are more cautious. They're like, you know. But he's dealing with football players with brain injuries and soldiers with brain injuries and fighters with brain injuries. So he's like, what are you, a pussy? You got something wrong with your shoulder? Shoot it up. Do they know what happens if they inject too much of it?

The dick grows. Huge. It grows a second head, and they fight to the death. The first head and the second head fight to the death. Then you have to kill the dead head you have to get it chopped off what if you put stem cells in sperm and then it makes a bit or put it in stem cells um pro tastes different you probably wouldn't enjoy it my my friend who works at to hone ranch my friend Brian sent me a photograph. When people get mad at people that hunt,

they need to understand that one of the biggest things that kills animals like deer and elk is they kill each other. This big, giant elk got killed by another elk. It stabbed him to death with its antlers. Look at the size of that fucker. It's huge. Huge. It looks like it has one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight points on one side and seven points on another.

So it's an enormous, enormous elk. And another elk stabbed it to death with its antlers. And they found it rotten with holes in its sides. It's nuts damn right now 10 killed up to 10 killed in shooter in oregon college right now today right now fuck 20 injured jesus shooter open fired you know what if they had guns on schools here's what's fucked up that wouldn't happen if people allowed to have guns on campus if they were armed guards on campus if teachers were allowed to carry guns if students were allowed to carry guns if the gun enthusiasts like everybody's worried the gun enthusiasts would be shooting more people

i don't think that's the problem i think if people want to shoot people they can get guns pretty easy like this guy but i think regular people if they had guns more often this is a very controversial stance because a lot of people think that more guns is more problems but I think that a lot of reasons why these people that are horrible horrible people that go and do these things and shoot up schools is because they know schools are not going to be armed it's the same reason why they don't want to go and shoot up a military base unless they're trying to suicide, you know?

You mean like security guards or like... Security guards, teachers. I think teachers should be able to have guns. There's police at a lot of colleges. Are you eating? I had a nibble. There's police at a lot of colleges. Some colleges, yeah.

But this was a community college, so I would imagine they didn't. Yeah. And, you know how how armed are they you know how how well prepared are they for something like this it's terrible man this fucking shit drives me nuts just and again if you look at the numbers like everybody's like terrified and when things things like this happen people call for gun control and I totally understand that way of thinking I understand that you're saying hey hey, the problem is the guns.

We have to take the guns away from all these people. We definitely have to keep guns out of the hands of irresponsible people. We definitely have to keep guns out of the hands of insane people. Definitely. That's 100%. But the idea that somehow or another a crazy person doing something bad should prevent a rational, sane person from having a gun, that doesn't make any sense to me. It just doesn't make any sense. It's not logical thinking.

The problem isn't guns. The problem is insane people. And if they didn't have guns, but they had bombs, you don't think they'd be setting bombs off all over the school? So what are we going to do? We're going to get rid of explosives, and then we're going to get rid of sharp objects?

We're going to get rid of everything? People are the problem. People, their access to weapons is certainly a problem when they're nuts. But the real problem is that they're nuts. The vast majority of people that I know that own guns. And this is where it gets crazy. This is the truth. When I go to the gun range, they're some of the nicest, most polite fucking people.

The people that I know from the world of hunting, some of the nicest, most polite fucking people. The people that I know from the world of hunting, some of the nicest, most polite people. They're, they're really friendly folks. They're not bad people. Like this idea that you're going to keep some psychopath from guns by taking the guns away from everybody. Like that's not, that's not smart thinking. We have to figure out why the fuck people want to shoot people. We have to figure out what the hell makes someone want to go to a school and start opening fire and killing a bunch of students. That's what we have to figure out because they're the problem. It's not the actual weapon that they're using. It's not the problem.

It's the actions of the human being in their mind. It's fucked. You know, people are like, you ain't taking away my guns. But why are you taking away their guns? They didn't shoot anybody. They're not the problem. The problem is the people that would be willing to do something like this. It's not keeping the actual objects away from people.

It's figuring out what the fuck makes people want to use those objects. You don't have a gun, huh? No, not a real one. I have a lot of fake ones. Oh, that's good. What do you do with them? Stick them up your ass? Play cops and robbers.

Oh, I'm losing again. Shit, don't rape me with this gun. Damn it, I can't believe you're doing it again. Pretty much. Why do you have fake guns? I need to get a real gun. I mean, I have no problem having a gun. It's just I only have fake guns because it was for a costume.

Oh, okay. It's not like I'm trying to really. Well, you shot real rifles with me. We made that video. That's fun. I got to go next week if you want to go. Yeah, I'd love to go. Okay.

Probably going to wind up going Monday or Tuesday. I'll let you know. Cool. It's fun'd love to go. Okay. Probably going to wind up going Monday or Tuesday. I'll let you know. Cool. It's fun. It is fun. As long as you have proper ear protection, it's fun to make shit go.

It was fun to shoot those hard drives. That was fun. Yeah. Because it's such a small target, you got to really concentrate. Yeah. We should try to bring

some other cool stuff to shoot. Yeah, they don't want us to, though. It creates a mess. You know, we didn't even ask. We just brought them out there we're kind of sneaky about it blew those hard drives to shit though it's kind of fun it's uh it's fun to shoot things like people don't like to admit that for whatever reason but it's fun guns are fun interesting thing about the new iphone i found out uh that they actually

have water seals inside of it like did you about that. Did you see that video? This woman put her phone in there for like, I think it was like an hour or something like that underwater. No problem. Still worked perfectly. And everything works. The power port works. Everything works.

Yeah. They tore it down. They found there's rubber washers around almost everything now that it didn't used to be there. And the reason why they're saying that is because Apple has that new trade-in program every year where you can upgrade to a new phone Mm-hmm, and so now there's gonna be so many people returning their phones. They don't want to have a bunch of ruined phones You know, oh, so it's up to them Oh, thanks Apple for I haven't gotten a new one yet. Did you get a new one yet?

I'm it's it's back ordered right now. But yeah, I'm on that program where you can get a new phone every year. They're backordered already? Yeah, it was backordered immediately. So when you go to the Apple store, they're backordered? Yeah. Sons of bitches. It's a lot, like 13 million or something in the first couple days. Yeah, people love them.

You know, when Louis was here from Unbox Therapy, I'm telling you, that active Galaxy, I think I like that better than all of them. The fact that it's waterproof, has that shock-resistant case, really tough screen. I like that one the best. It makes sense. Yeah. Why doesn't Apple make an Apple Sport? Make a phone like that. Like a little bit smaller screen, like super rugged. Make it super waterproof, hard on the outside, can't break it.

Make a man's phone a man's phone I gotta get out of here it's already 12.15 I got shit I gotta do anything else going on? I'll be in Fresno tomorrow with Sam Tripoli

oh that sounds like a day and night trip drive home son yeah but they just added a second show I'm gonna be at the Club One Casino you can go to tickets

just go to tickets. Just go to deathsquad.tv and click on tour dates. Powerful Sam Tripoli. I ran into him last night. He was telling me that he's auditioning for The Tonight Show. He's got something going on. Oh, really? Yeah, it would be awesome to see Sam do four minutes on The Tonight Show. Yeah.

Because you do like four and a half minutes. But they're having comics on. That's interesting. Yeah. That's in New York. They asked me to do it, but I don't think I can do it. I don't think I could do a four and a half minute set. I wouldn't even know what to talk about.

Like, I don't have that kind of an act. One story. Even then, I would be like, God, I would have to really know how to get out of the gate fast to do four and a half minutes. We have fun writing exercises if I was motivated, but I'm not. Fresno. So, DeathSquad.TV for that. Yeah. And next Wednesday, Comedy Store have a secret show. Oh, next

Wednesday. It's a secret. You just told everybody. There's a secret guest. Oh, secret guest. That I can't talk about. Shut the fuck up. Jesus. It's getting out. Alright, folks. That's it for this week. You got four podcasts. Why are you complaining, you fucks?

You got two and a bonus. Three and a bonus. But we'll be back next week. Lots of exciting guests. Alonzo Bowden will be here next week, too. Very excited. I love Alonzo. Haven't done a podcast with him yet.

I can't believe it. And that's it. So enjoy your weekend. Go fuck yourself. Here's, that's a kiss for you. Here's one for your mom. All right.

Much love. See you soon. Bye-bye. Thank you.