The Joe Rogan Experience - #722 - Tony Hinchcliffe

Episode Date: November 13, 2015

This episode is currently only available as audio. Tony Hinchcliffe is a comedian, writer, and actor. He also hosts his own podcast called “Kill Tony” with Redban, and it’s available at http://Deathsquad.tv and on Spotify under "Deathsquad"

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! Boom! We are live in a hotel room in the middle of Melbourne, Australia and next door to us is some sort of a religious institution, cathedral type scenario, some fucking bunk ass bullshit old world voodoo house that's got their fucking bells ringing constantly. They get to do that. Imagine if you live next door to those assholes and it's like they decided today it was a

special time to ring the gong. So we don't know what's going on we thought it was like maybe for for paris because as we're doing this uh tony and i just found out maybe an hour or so ago um that the uh the paris attacks had gone on more than 100 people are dead it was inside some some rock and roll show some yeah death metal yeah some death metal show one more reason to never go see a death metal concert already that's an interesting place to attack yeah it's pretty fucked up the whole thing is pretty fucked up i didn't know they had death metal in paris it seems like it just wouldn't even exist there like there'd be no base for that.

Turns out there was hundreds of people there. I think more than that. I think there's thousands. I think it's a big... I don't know. Why would you think that death metal wouldn't be popular in Paris? Paris just seems like they're a little bit too, like, prim and proper for, you know, death metal. I think on paper they do.

Like, if we look at it from the past yeah i don't think they're that prim and proper i think paris is a lot of like drinking and and gerard de pardo like almost almost thought it stopped it did stop now they're just slowly gonging one two three how long are you gonna do that i don't. This is like the biggest Cathedral I've ever seen though, right? This thing's huge. It's over. It ended. Yeah, it's pretty big, but something big. The ones in New York City, I think are probably bigger. They're really old though. Those old, we were saying before this started, that those old religious houses, those old buildings, they're like, they don't make them like that anymore. I wish they did. This stuff's so cool with game of thrones getting more popular you would think like there'd be more of that type

of architecture happening people wanting people wanting to create their own kingdoms and stuff i bet we do see more of it it's hard to create a kingdom today people are too hip yeah they're aware what you're trying to do yeah like have you tried to make a religion today where all your leaders can't have sex like like the catholics have they'd be like wait what right the fuck out of here nobody would want to be the leader of that they're like i'll follow but i'm not going to lead like what are the laws like scientology is like the most recent of all the religions, right? Because that was started in the 50s or 60s. I'm in the middle of this book. I can't finish it.

I read it, and then I put it down. So the Lawrence Wright book, Going Clear, it was the beginning of that HBO documentary. That's how it started. And I've watched the documentary, and I keep getting into this book, but it's so crazy. That guy L. Ron Hubbard was so fucking crazy that the idea that this guy could start this global movement

that has who knows how many fucking thousands of people in it and how many fucking millions if not billions of dollars they've earned in real estate and how much they've pilfered from all these people that are inside of it it's it's crazy it really is i think it really preys upon the people that like are the weakest i mean how do you believe the guy was a science fiction author yeah that should be enough right there the first thing at the top of this guy's resume is that he was a big science fiction author. I mean, if George Lucas started a religion, well, I guess maybe that'd probably be a pretty cool religion. Oh, if he were to join, so many dorks would be like, I'm in! Fuck it, I'm in!

And that's really the crazy part, is I don't know, like, I don't, I mean, I don't think L. Ron Hubbard really got that famous off of, like, his science fiction. Maybe I'm wrong, like, I don't know,. Ron Hubbard really got that famous off of his science fiction. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. But it was definitely no Star Wars. You would think that. And maybe that's why he did this. He's like, I haven't come up with a hit.

Maybe I'll just start a religion. Well, he is the most prolific author ever. He wrote more books than anybody that's ever lived. Yeah. Which is another thing that would be at the top of his resume that proves that he's full of bullshit. Just so much stuff. He just kept writing. Yeah.

Well, he's the most prolific bullshit artist ever. And the other thing is that his work was like all first drafts. It seems like he never did a second draft ever. Whatever he thought, he wrote down and just slobbered through the whole thing. It's all like terrible, terrible, terrible writing. And then the Thetans drop the frozen volcano, the people in the volcano, and that's where your anxiety comes from. The going clear is about releasing all of it. All of his ideas and principles of the ideals of Scientology,

he outlined in the science fiction stories before he ever put them down as the actual reality of Scientology. You could see, if you go back over his older stuff, you see him making this stuff up. And it's like, on top of of all that on top of it being wild they take so much money from these people 10% right is it a 10% thing and then it like if you do anything bad they like punish you and make you give them more money and stuff no it's true like I was reading this article about that actress she wasn't like my again not mike caroline ray i think her

name is she was in like some show with like mike or molly one of those you talk about leah remini yeah that's what she's in the king queens yeah she's in with kevin james show kevin james that's right i always get kevin james and mike from mike and molly confused big sitcom guys um but i guess like i guess she went to tom and uh tom cruise and katie holmes wedding and like said some stuff and everybody got mad at her and they charged her like a hundred thousand bucks for it like something crazy like that well they didn't just charge her they made her go through hours and hours of retraining and auditing you know they go you go to this auditing thing where you have to sit down. You go through every single last detail of everything you said

and what you did during the wedding. And she had to apologize to Katie Holmes for ruining her special day. I can see Leah Remini fucking it up, though. She's a bold woman. Yeah, she seems like a little party machine. She gets a few champagnes in her. She seems like she drinks and just starts auditing out loud, you know. Do you think this podcast is going to get fucked up by those gongs in the background?

I think maybe it sort of gives it like a vibe, like sort of a tone. An annoying tone. Like if you're listening to this right now, you'd be like, are they fucking really going to do this with the gongs in the background? I don't know if there's a way in this room we could get away from it. I think that's like the reality of where we are. Yeah, you're on the... That is unbelievably annoying.

If I lived here, I'd be so pissed. If I was trying to take my afternoon nap and this shit is going off. Gong, gong, gong, gong, gong. Jesus Christ. Once upon a time. Walked upon the water. Gong, gong, gong gong gong gong gong jesus christ once upon a time walked upon the water gong gong gong gong gong i think it's because of the france thing but there's people going in there it looks like a wedding you know what i was just thinking about because i was reading all these tweets on twitter about the paris france thing like as it's happening and so many people are tweeting the same thing they're all all going like, you know, pray for France, pray for France.

And I'm just thinking to myself, like, I started thinking about prayer and what it is. And it just seems like it's something that people do to make themselves feel better. Well, it's definitely something people do to make themselves feel better. But the idea is that somehow somehow positive thinking can correct things yeah can you imagine if there was like a if if can you imagine if there was studies that showed that praying did something what would happen well what is the placebo effect right the placebo effect is you believing that something is happening even though there's no real chemical that you're like you're taking a sugar pill and just believing that that sugar pill is some miracle pill you can somehow

another enact a physical effect on your body like the power of the mind yeah it's it's real like there is there's real healing powers of the mind and if you apply that to prayer like if you think that prayer really does help if you actually it, it probably would have a similar effect, at least physically, to placebo effect. Yeah, on the person praying. On the person who believes. Like if somebody prayed for you, if you had something wrong with you, and someone prayed for you, it might have a physical effect on you

if you actually believed they could do it. Like if you had some Gandalf motherfucker hanging around with you. Oh, I see. So if you believe that prayers work and somebody prays for you and you're like, oh, man, these people are praying for me. Yeah. Okay. It could have an effect.

Yeah. I think that there's probably all these untapped ways that we can help our body, that we can power up our immune system or overcome certain things that are happening to our physical body just because our mind believes it. mind believes it you know this they've shown it with the placebo effect that it's a real effect that there is really something going on but we don't know how to like voluntarily use that without tricking ourselves for the most part yeah you know how this guy wim hoff on my podcast fascinating fucking dude and he's um he holds like 26 world records he um summited everest in his shorts with uh like sandals on the fucking the ice cleats under the sandals and uh he ran uh half a marathon in minus 40 degree weather with uh shorts on and no shirt barefoot he's yeah he swam 100 yards it was supposed to be 50 but he couldn't figure out how to go it was under the ice uh he swam under the ice and it was supposed to be 50 yards but his retinas froze

because the water was so fucking cold so he couldn't see where he was going so he wound up going twice as far with one breath he wound up swimming 100 yards under the ice before they pulled him out oh my god he couldn't find the hole in the ice. He's got 26 world records. And a big part of his methodology is about breathing and about over-oxygenating, like oxygen loading on your lungs. But he's able to achieve these crazy states like that he uh had a dutch university or a hospital or university hospital uh inject him with a mycotoxin

mycotoxin a biotoxin and in this uh biotoxin that he like he showed that he could activate his immune system with his own mind. Things that we thought were only autonomous sort of systems, like your immune system. He's able to actually physically activate it with his own mind. So I think there's all sorts of different areas of the human body that we haven't really tapped into the full potential of. That's probably what the placebo effect shows. It shows that we just don't know how to stimulate. Like the average person doesn't know how to stimulate those systems, but it is possible.

We just don't know how to do it. Yeah. You know? Hmm. That's some interesting stuff well it's interesting because we know that certain states are bad for your immune system like being depressed or being stressed out or being fucked up but you can get sick like people get sick they get stressed they get worn out like in that if you're calm and relaxed, you can handle things better. So we know that there's certain states of mind that are more beneficial for your body.

Yeah. We just don't know how, like most people don't know how to achieve those certain states. Grab a water over here. It's interesting. We also know like exercise, like if you exercise, has a pretty profound effect on your body. Exercise has a profound effect on your stress levels, and that effect on your stress levels can change your health. Yeah, it was crazy.

My whole clock and everything was all messed up yesterday because we just flew to Australia, and I was waking up from a nap, so I'm normally messed up after a nap anyway but I was double messed up and I went down to the gym hit the steam room and it was unbelievable how I went from like 24% to 100%

in an hour just from sweating and sweating and sweating and like getting some of the blood flowing yeah get the blood flowing. Yeah. Get the blood flowing, fire up the machine, get all the systems working.

Yeah. Well, that's why I have always have a hard time trusting people that don't exercise. Yeah. Especially people that are like really emotional or overreact and they don't exercise. I'm like, God damn it. You don't have like a mitigation process.

Like if you do, it doesn't evolve. You know, like it has to be all mental. They don't have like a mitigation process. Like if you do, it doesn't evolve. You know, like it has to be all mental. They don't have anything like physical stress reliever. And I think it's like a Midwest thing. I feel like it's maybe it's an East Coast thing. But I feel like maybe they're better at this now. But I feel like they would just make it look like exercising.

They would tell you to exercise to lose weight. There was never really, I feel like nobody was really outgoingly saying that work out to make your mind stronger. Yeah. And I feel like maybe it's just California or maybe I just hang out with smarter people now. Maybe it's all of that. But now it's very clear to me why working out is important. And it doesn't matter how much you weigh. But in Ohio, I felt like that was it.

You would never see someone with my build running, I feel like, where I'm from. Really? Yeah. Skinny people don't run? Yeah. Why? Nobody exercises there. It's very bizarre. People don't exercise in the middle of the country, man. They don't? It Yeah. Why? Nobody exercises there. It's very bizarre.

People don't exercise in the middle of the country, man. They don't? It's creepy. Are you sure? It's creepy. Did you do a survey? I mean, I'm saying not everybody doesn't exercise, but they definitely don't exercise like successful people exercise,

like Californians exercise. I mean, there's obviously not everybody in California exercises, but I don't know. I just feel like big food companies and soda pop companies also don't want people to know that. Do you really think they don't want people to know that, or people are just ignorant? I think they don't even have to work hard at not having people know that.

I think people are just pretty ignorant. Yeah, I agree with that. I think there's also as time goes on people just getting more and more aware of the effect that your body has on your mind they used to think it was pretty separate like especially when i was growing up like i think people oftentimes like very intelligent people would look down upon physical exercise because they thought that physical exercise was a vanity thing and then you had two schools of thought or two two types of people you had people that were brain people that were concentrating on thinking and they were concerned with the deeper

more intellectual aspects of life and then you had people that were like more physical people that were just trying to look good for the gym, pump their biceps up and, you know, and go fuck and yeah, and with my six pack. Yeah. But there were dummies. Yeah. I think now people realize that there's, there's a connection between the mind and the body. And also there's a discipline aspect to exercise. Nobody wants to exercise for the most part. You want the results, but it's difficult to get yourself to exert energy. And that discipline that allows you to exert energy, it's hard to muster up. makeup, to be able to muster it up, to be able to discipline yourself to work out on a regular basis actually strengthens the mind because it exercises the discipline. And I don't think many people considered that in the past.

I don't think they thought of the discipline of, you know, activating your body, like using your mind to activate your body, that you're actually exercising almost like a muscle, like discipline is like a muscle. And I think that a lot of things things correlate you know what i mean like so many people are like fat and depressed oh yeah but and they're depressed because they're fat and they're fat because they're not working out and they're depressed because they're not working out yeah like one of the most natural cures for depression is like going for a walk or going for a jog. Just literally just doing anything other than sitting in one spot. Well, they've done studies that show that regular exercise is just as effective at treating depression as pills, as SSRIs.

Oh, yeah. I totally believe that. That's another thing that I noticed back in Ohio. It's like everybody's depressed, and they're all just getting these pills, and nobody's working out. There's a place for pills. There's a place for those pills. I think some people have a legit imbalance. Yeah.

But I think there's also, like Ari Shafir is a perfect example. Ari used to be on pills. He was legitimately depressed. Got on pills, got his like legitimately depressed got on pills got his life back in order like became a much happier person then got off the pills like his life he got his life in track became much more successful and now he's just killing it out there in in the world like doing fantastic with a stand-up like we were at a club last night, the Comics Lounge in Melbourne. There's all these Ari Shaffir posters on the wall there.

He was in town just a little while ago, killing it. And he's just doing great. And now he's happy. He doesn't need it. He also does mushrooms. Mushrooms help him, too. Mushrooms help a lot.

Anytime I do mushrooms, I come back and feel good for two or three months. Two, three, four months. You should do it every two, three, four months then. Probably. You feel good all the time. Probably true. For some reason, I don't. I let the thing reload and live that stress. I feel like it almost probably sort of helps. I don't know, but maybe I'm wrong.

But I feel like it's like you make the muscles tense and then massage them out rather than just get a massage. But I probably should do them once every four months. When I was young, I used to think that the whole idea of being enlightened, being enlightened or achieving a more balanced, more relaxed view of the world, I used to think it would fuck up my comedy. That if I did that, it would ruin me. I would stop being funny.

Because a lot of comedy is kind of mean. And know and a lot of comedy is like what you what you're creating with comedy is shitting on something and I used to think well if I just achieve peace then I won't want to shit on things and if I won't want to shit on things then I'll be shit out of luck as far as like my stand-up goes so fuck this right then as I got older I realized well that's just a crutch yeah it's definitely crossed my mind that like well i i do want to do mushrooms to feel better but i don't want to do mushrooms because i want to be able to connect with that audience that's in the room and if i'm too far ahead of them i literally you know i think of everything that when it comes to my comedy i'm always trying to protect it yeah if you're too kumbaya yeah you might you know you might lose your edge because your edge too is a lot of like you're you're a great roast writer and a lot

of roast writing is being fucking mean yeah yeah and it's hard to do that if you're if you're all kumbaya'd out if you're all that's true but it helps i mean it's crazy like my favorite stuff is always the stuff that i write when i come back a week two three after those trips to the desert that we take yeah yeah you can write some amazing shit like post-psychedelic experiences. Oh, yeah. It clears the gutters, man. Makes everything flow better.

Yeah, I think the writing is... I think there's all sorts of different states that you should write under. I think you should write a little when you're drinking. I think you should write a little sober. You should write a little when you're high off pot. You should write post-psychedelic. Writing while you're on psychedelics,

that was kind of pointless. You could say things into a tape recorder maybe, but sitting down trying to write things down while you're tripping. Yeah, and even then you forget what you felt like when you were taking the note. Yeah, yeah. So it's like just a code

and you can't really crack it anyway even though the words are there it's hard to go back to that feeling of clarity that sometimes you see like i know for a fact there's been times where i'm out in that desert looking up at the stars and all of a sudden like i figure out the trick to everything you know that feeling clicks in where it's like oh oh shit i just did it I just beat the game. But then you just can't exactly put your finger on what it was. Because to describe those feelings that happen in words, it's impossible.

The words haven't been created yet to describe what goes on in that zone. Well, describing DMT is like that, right? Describing a DMT experience, you're just spinning your wheels. Yeah. It's wasting time. I've read my own descriptions of a DMT trip, and I'm like, will you shut up, Don? It sounds so stupid. Yeah.

Because the words, they don't exist. The reference points don't exist. There's no way you could possibly know what the fuck you're talking about. You're saying something that you're using these noises to describe like you like you were describing some shit like we were at the airport oh i should probably say we're we're not um we're not on a plane and i said that we were going to do one of these on a plane and somewhere along the line while we're flying i was like yeah fucking do it in a hotel room probably be better you know i slept

most of the time on the plane but when we were at the airport going through that security line you were talking about the the pope hats the guys at the pope hats you saw when you're doing dmt like i kind of can kind of get that yeah you know like i kind of see but if i didn't if i've never done it and i heard that i'd be like what are you talking about right like I had no idea oh great the fucking gongs are back Jesus doesn't like us talking about Pope hats you bring up Pope hats

the cathedral starts banging their bells but yeah no I remember I think you said something about fractals or something or somebody did maybe it was um somebody that we were with then i remember hearing that word and i didn't it put i didn't even know what that really was at the time until afterwards like oh yeah fractals like reposition like

kaleidoscope like yeah and that's exactly what it was like it It was like a kaleidoscope of Pope. Have you ever seen some of those 3D renditions, like computer renditions of fractals? It's pretty fucking amazing. There's an amazing fractal called the Mandelbrot set, and there's some 3D renditions where they show the closer you get to these various points on this fractal, the more the same patterns repeat themselves. It looks like you're getting close to a small point, but as you get closer, it just reveals a deeper and deeper level and layer of this fractal where it just it's it's infinite it

keeps going on and on and on and on and as you get closer it just shows you it's the same thing in a smaller form and then it goes on and on and on and that's that's the impression that you get when you do dmt that there's like infinite series of fractals that are going on all around you and there's no end you can't find an end you just look the deeper you look the deeper it goes and uh that's sort of what they found about the whole universe i mean they've they believe that you know as you look deeper and deeper into life and you look deeper and deeper into the cellular level, deeper and deeper into the atomic level. Then you get into subatomic particles.

And you get into this weird world of space where it's mostly just empty air. And then there's subatomic particles that are blinking in and out of existence. And then there's things that they have observed, what they call, that are in a superposition, which means they're both moving and still at the same time. And it's like, yeah, as you go deeper and deeper into the subatomic level, things become more and more like magic, more and more like just science fiction and craziness. Like most of what an atom is is just empty space. And they're trying to understand it

the deeper and deeper they go with this kind of stuff. But many people have theorized that what we're seeing in the universe itself, like when you look at the universe and you see the empty space that's in the galaxies and space out in the infinite cosmos, that what you're seeing sort of mirrors itself inside our very atoms. Can you imagine if they just kept digging and digging with a microscope

and they kept going through everything and through everything and at the very end of it all, there was just L. Ron Hubbard's face? Told you! And it was him all along. I am God! God works in mysterious ways. Would you imagine if we got deeper and deeper into the subatomic level and we found universes?

That would be the ultimate trip. If we got so, like if they figured out some way, I mean, if you look at what they can observe today as opposed to what they could observe a few hundred years ago, there's no comparison. They have so many new, much more sensitive methods of detecting energy and detecting and recognizing structures and atoms and all this different shit.

What if it got to the point where they could detect deeper and deeper and deeper layers and they actually really did find that inside atomic particles that as you go deeper and deeper layers and they they actually really did find that inside atomic particles that as you go deeper and deeper you can actually find completely independent universes that operate on a scale so minute that we can't even comprehend but if you could could and you got deeper and deeper into them you would find like little tiny miniature black holes little miniature galaxies miniature planets and the whole thing is fractal And as you went into them, they believe that inside every black hole, they think that every galaxy, there's a supermassive black hole at the center of that galaxy.

And that supermassive black hole is one half of 1% of the mass of the entire galaxy. So the larger the galaxy, the larger the black hole is. And they theorized that if you go into that black hole, you will find another universe. So each galaxy has a black hole in it. Inside each black hole is a totally different universe filled with hundreds of billions of galaxies, each with black holes in the center of them.

Each one of them has hundreds of billions of galaxies inside of it holes in the center of them each one of them has hundreds of billions of galaxies inside of it if you go through that there's more universes more black holes and it's that's the real fractal nature of the universe that every time you hit a galaxy which is in our mind we can't even imagine how big a galaxy really is. Generations from now. What it feels like is like generations, tens and tens, maybe a hundred generations from now, they're going to be flying through these things in little machines. We can't fathom it now, but we're like the pirates that were coming over here on wooden ships compared to what generations, and I'm talking a lot of generations ahead of us, they're going to be flying through it.

There's going to be sports, race. It's going to be sports. Race from one black hole to the other. Like, I mean, we are in the wrong age. We were born too early. No, no, we're born perfect. This is a great time. This is a great time. You don't want to be.

Like, in the future, there'll be no need for comedy. Everybody's going to be reading minds. We'll be fucked. You know? They'll all be enlightened. There'll be no hypocrisies no contradiction so like

comedy won't won't exist like if we achieve a new state of enlightenment where humor's out the window we would be fucked

like we're reaping the benefits of an unenlightened public that's like what stand up is doing like we're pointing out shit

that everybody should be able to see we're pointing out things that everybody should know and to see. We're pointing out things that everybody should know. And then we're mocking things that exist that are ridiculous. Well, if people evolve past the state they are now, like, if you look at, like, primate behavior, you look at the savagery of nature, when just tooth and claw and animals just struggling to survive. And then you look at the more civilized nature of our culture today, the best aspects, when everything is working at its smoothest, usually in small groups.

But in small groups and small communities, you can find some pretty peaceful existences. That will ultimately be the whole world. And then it'll get more and more peaceful, more and more civilized, more and more adapted, more cultured, more connected, more enlightened, to the point where mocking things, like it won't exist anymore. There'll be nothing to mock. People will be so advanced mentally that there will be no more of a need for comedy so i think right now for you and i this is a perfect time if we're in the future and everything was all perfect and light we'd be fucked and it wouldn't be fun you know we're in this this we're in this golden stage where there's just enough retarded shit. Right. Like this Paris thing. There's just enough chaos in the world

where it makes you appreciate all the cool aspects of the world. Like if everything was cool, I don't think we'd appreciate the cool parts as much. You think there's a way to combat these terrorist attacks? Like, you know, like it seems like if you draw Muhammad, like that they get really upset, right? That that's like their big like, you know, like it seems like if you draw Muhammad, like that, they get really upset.

Right. That that's like their big, like, Oh no, don't do that thing. Like, so like, I don't know.

I'm just pitching here. Like, what if every time they did something like this as a defense mechanism, like CNN, just put out like the Muhammad cartoon. Like if they just let, if they called in South Park, South Park's guys. And we're like if they just let's if they've called in south park south park skies and we're like guys let's do this let's bring in our nuclear warfare and you

make a hilarious muhammad thing of him just getting whatever you know butt raped or whatever like i don't know like something crazy do you really think that would fix it mocking it if as a defensive mechanism if they kill people that's the only way every listen terrorists it's me prime minister tony hinchcliffe from now on if you do an attack if somebody said this if you do an attack and you kill innocent people every innocent person that you kill that's going to be another two minutes or another five minutes of the muhammad cartoon that might be one of the dumbest ideas i've ever heard they hate the muhammad thing so yeah but don't you think there's a big difference between killing people and drawing cartoons like what is worse these terrorists don't seem to think so though right they're not killing

all these people in paris because of a cartoon they killed a few people that were doing those charlie abdo cartoons yeah i think the real problem is when people get their mind in a pattern you get your mind in some sort of a radical ideology like islam or radical islam it's super difficult to get people out of that radical ideology it's very very difficult very difficult to get them to rethink, to change these patterns in their mind where they go, yeah, actually, it doesn't make any sense to just go to some random death metal concert

and gun people down and yell, God is great. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. That's crazy. That's chaos. That is an evil thing to do and that doing this evil thing for religion like saying you're doing it for religion doesn't make any sense at all but in their mind it's justified in their mind there's a holy war going on these people that are completely radicalized like in their mind this is a good thing to do

in their mind this is like what you have to do to get back at the infidels and attack this evil empire that's invading countries or supporting this or whatever crazy war is going on in the world as far as the ideologies, as far as invading certain holy lands. Look at what ISIS is doing. They're blowing up old monuments. There's so much crazy shit that's going on in the world that's related to radical ideologies.

You'd have to figure out how to rewire their brains. Can I tell you another thing I think we should do? I think we should take guys on death row and put bombs on them and have them go into the places with the terrorists. You might be the worst foreign policy advisor ever. I want to sit you down with all these five-star generals that are in these fucking smoky rooms plotting the future.

What do you want to do? Well, I want to take jared from subway strap bombs to him and send him over to well why would he do that uh i didn't think of that well why would jared keep walking why would he detonate is he gonna know he's gonna blow up he's tell them. All right, maybe we put them in. We take these guys and we put them in cars that are like on remote controls. Google cars. Drones, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There you go.

Yeah. They just killed that jihadi John guy. They killed that guy with a drone. He's that guy that was a rapper. He was a rapper in England and he joined ISIS. And he's been killing people and beheading them, allegedly. You know, there's the Black Helicopter Squad that believe that this is all bullshit. There was a rapper in ISIS?

Yeah. Vanilla ISIS? Oh. Oh, jeez. Son of a bitch. Oh, I'm going to get... That's the thing that I'll end up getting death threats for out of this. You can't help yourself with that, can you?

No. With puns? No, when I hear a funny word and it's a right setup and I think there's just one chance for it. The funny thing is I never do them on, like I'm known for them, but I never do them on stage with my stand-up. Like I would never do that.

But I love making them in person. I just love comedy, you know what I mean? I'm terrible at impressions, but God, they crack me up. Like there's nothing that I don't love about comedy. And a lot of comedians are like, oh, fuck, a pun. I hate puns, but it's like...

You like puns, even though you don't use them on stage. Right. You like it as like... I think everybody does. I think there's a war on puns right now. A war on puns. Because everybody wants to complain about puns but it's like everybody laughs so hard like a good pun hits harder than almost anything i laugh at puns i

laugh at your puns because they're so ridiculous yeah but it's almost like a reluctant laugh like oh you son of a bitch yeah but sometimes they're like, you know, Jedi puns, you know what I mean? That are just like, how the fuck did you think of that that quick? Well, you like take pride in grabbing them as quickly as they can. Like the puns come out of the event. Yeah. And you just grasp them as quick as you can. Right. My brain does not think in puns at all.

It's definitely a different muscle. Like it's hard for me to think of a pun and be intellectual at the same time like it's definitely like it's like uh that thing where like rubbing your head and your stomach at the same time but going different directions yeah people can't do it because i have i have i i've noticed that because you have to like listen to do that thing and you sort of have to be add at the same time to do a pun since this isn't a video podcast i'll tell you joe's trying to do the hand on the head i did i'm rubbing my head in two different directions and my stomach into the drag go back and forth and back and forth yeah yeah it's a different muscle the pun muscle is definitely a different muscle yeah but it's

also like a different comedic instinct like we're talking about guys who get trapped in certain patterns of comedy like you get trapped in an act like all you do is like this style of comedy and then when that when you have that sort of trap um you can you can get it kind of fucked you up we're talking about guys who like only do like evil type comedy or they only do this type comedy they only have like they have an act they do or it's a persona they adopt right like a larry the cable guy or an emo phillips or something like that like a one-liner guy yeah goes slow and yeah and that you you get stuck and those are like when it when it's done right it's awesome yeah like like a stephen wright or something like that or uh you know the best one ever i think was mitch yeah hedberg was the best yeah because he was so prolific yeah like his mind worked in that way like his style of comedy worked in these non-sequitur one-liners where he could just one after another have these

like totally unrelated things unbelievable you know i was thinking of him i just told you about that amy winehouse documentary that blew my mind shreds and i was thinking about him during it because heroin heroin and the art that amy wine the she was always like very genuine like a real artist and always wrote only her own stuff and like you can tell like through her work like it was really actually amazing and they show you through this documentary and then something happens she was always a heavy drinker always quite the party you're like a rock star you know what i mean but then when she started doing heroin because this guy that she was with was into heroin the lyrics and the songs were a whole nother level i mean we've seen it a bunch of times but i mean it really went to another level and it made me think of mitch hedberg because there's something with that drug

or i mean i mean i'm not taking anything away from mitch because he's the one that did it but it just can't be coincidence that these people on heroin are able to tap into some super super mechanism yeah because who would have guessed that anybody would come out better than Stephen Wright at that thing like you watch Stephen Wright and 10 minutes in I'm like how is he gonna fill an hour with this this seems impossible and then I agree with you completely that Mitch came in over the top and how's that possible how could Mitch Hedberg not just see Stephen Wright and go well I gotta figure out something different to do because there's no way I'm going to be able to do that better than that guy. I mean, Stephen Wright was the man.

But my goodness, if he didn't do it, and there's something about those jokes, if you just look at them just written out, like sometimes I'll see a meme with Mitch Hedberg on it, and I'll end up staring at that. And I'm not a meme guy at all, but I'll end up staring at that little tiny thing, which were all the original tweets, by the wayitch if mitch hedberg was the original twitter guy yeah i mean and like think

of that banana joke that i love so much which one's that um because somebody asked me if i want a frozen banana i said no but i want a regular banana later, so yes. It's a perfect Twitter joke, and it's so ridiculous. It's also a joke that if you looked at it on paper, maybe it wouldn't be a good Twitter joke unless you knew Mitch Hedberg's voice. Maybe then it would be a good Twitter joke because you knew how he does jokes. I still think it'd be great on Twitter,

but that is another thing. You have a great point there. It's like when you factor in his timing and beats which also i think plays into the heroin thing you look at all the rock stars and all that and most of them i seeming more like i feel like it's more of like an acoustic type of drug if that makes sense like more like nirvana and winehouse who was very jazzy you know there's types of tones and i just feel like there's a direct crossover i feel like hedberg really was like god was he dialed in because that voice and that timing really timing and pacing is the trick he could have had any accent and any voice but you know when you decide to start that next line after a period like in between

spaces is so important in comedy i think like people really don't know that i think they think that you could say a joke in any way but it's really like you know there's just guys like look at joey diaz and sebastian maniscal i mean everybody really's all down to timing. But sometimes you can really see it. Well, I think what you're saying is that they find their voice. They find their rhythm. And then their comedy, even though maybe you and I would look at it on paper, the premise on paper, and go, how is that fucking funny? But Sebastian has such a way with being Sebastian that he makes things

that it's hard to figure out what is the unfathomable what is the ungraspable quality of what he's talking about that's uniquely funny in his voice you find that, whatever it is that's through practice since we're talking about the on paper thing

you said the Hedberg thing and and that's pretty funny on paper. But now if you really broke down, if you were reading a Joey Diaz on paper, what's up, you cocksuckers? You've got to eat the yolk. You've got to eat the whites. Eat the yolk. You cannot eat the whites.

It wouldn't be funny at all on paper but you give him the you gotta you i'm not fucking you know what i mean it's just so passionate and it's all it's all timing there i mean and so when there is a something on paper when he does hit one of those written things it's just boom isn't that also a weird thing about comedy is like you got to figure out what is funny in your mind. How is it funny through your voice? And the only way you figure that out is by doing comedy over and over and over and over and over and over again. You've got to get to this point where it kind of makes sense to you.

You figure out how to do it. That's so hard to figure like you could never look at a guy like mitch hedberg before he ever did stand up and go i know what you should do like you can't right you'll never get it you'll you'll never get it like that it is not like anything else like it has to be this unique combination of his personality his insight his timing his experience on stage and his willingness to sit down and write shit out as much as possible like his act is all writing it's all writing whereas like a guy like sebastian it's all performing it's all things they're you know both very funny but it's figuring out what what it is about the way you're sitting around

looking at the world how is it funny coming out of your head yeah it's interesting the more and more that i do this the more and more that i do stand up and it's been uh in may it'll be nine years um the more and more that i do it the more and more that I do it, the more and more that my newest material, my most recent stuff is always the best stuff. And I'm writing, I'm not writing as much as I was years ago, because I'm just writing more good stuff. If that makes sense. I'm writing less extra stuff. And like, I guess I'm writing the same amount of stuff but i'm having more good stuff because i'm writing more in that voice i'm starting to figure out what that is yeah even down to like the physicalities for example that i do because i barely move on stage i'm pretty stabilized and sort of pretty stationary right huh yeah very stationary sometimes i'll tuck my arm behind my back maybe i'll switch my shoulder levels to the left, to the right, to the middle. I'll move that around a little bit, but I'm very stationary, unordinarily stationary, I feel like. And however,

you know, one of the things that I do is sometimes I'll rattle off things and I'll count on my fingers and I'll point some way, just nothing too crazy but little things. And those are always, you know, when I use that divisively, it has to work. So I have their brain sort of trained now. And it's just something that happened naturally. Because I don't really talk with my hands a lot

and stuff. But when I do talk with my hands, I want it to be like thunder. You know what I mean? Have you ever noticed that Joey never takes the mic out of the stand? It's amazing. He puts the mic in the stand. He leaves it in the stand. And I think part of that is he wants both of his hands free. Because he talks with his hands so much.

He doesn't want to be trapped holding that microphone. Yeah. And his physical stuff involves the mic stand. Like he'll hang on to the mic stand during his physical stuff. Yeah. I love it. And when he lifts it up and slams it down real quick, it's just like you know he's killing it that time.

He's kind of always done that, too. He's always, for the longest time at least, not taken the mic out of the stand. Yeah, I always have respected that tremendously. I always take the mic out of the stand, I always take the mic out of the stand, but I love, love, love the fact that, you know, that it's possible to just have that kind of... Did Rodney take the mic out of the stand? I don't think so. No, I can't picture him holding a microphone.

Huh. I kind of, like, see, like, a similarity there. You know, Using the hands. Joey did. But everybody else does. You do. You take it out of the stand. I do.

Ari does. Duncan does. We all have our own way. If I had to do a whole set with the mic in the stand, I'd feel so weird. Yeah. I always think it's weird. I didn't notice this until recently but like those a lot of those late night sets they don't have a microphone at all mic stand yeah have you ever done any of

those no had to go no hands i don't think so maybe i have you keep the mic in the mic stand or no you take them i'm trying to i take it out but i'm trying to think, have I ever done that? Have I ever done a late night show where I didn't use a mic? I don't know. If I did, it was so long ago. I don't know what I'd do. I mean, what am I going to do, stand there with my hands on my hips and just like arms crossed? You can't do that.

You're not like, oh, hello, everybody. Yeah, well, also you can't modulate your voice in the microphone the way you can when you're holding a microphone. Or if it's in a stand, like you can talk closer to it to get louder. You pull away to get softer. You can modulate. You can change it and adjust it on the fly. Yeah. Did you ever see uh chris titus used i don't know if he still does it but he has one of them bobby brown setups

where he's like a teleconferencer it's a little little microphone that comes get like a headset and the microphone comes down to the corner of his mouth and and he talks like that. That shit creeps me out. That's a weird choice. Yeah. It's a weird choice for a comedy club. I mean, why would you want to have the same headset as, like, a TED Talks? Yeah. You know, it's just too, like, telecommunicative. Well, his thing is different.

Like, his style of comedy is different. His style of comedy is more like a performance piece. Everything is tight. He told me, I asked him how he writes, and he writes all of it out before he ever does it. He has a theme. This is his theme, and he writes his whole set. He writes this theme out,

and then he performs it almost like a one-man show more than like a stand-up comedy show and maybe having one of those headsets makes people feel like they're at a different sort of thing like oh he doesn't even have a microphone in his hand like a regular comedian he's got this whole thing where he's got a little headset on with a loop that comes down by his face and i see that little loop and oh, and it maybe kind of puts you in a different mindset as a person watching it. I'm watching a theatrical presentation as much as I'm watching stand-up. Yeah. I know that when I see that headset to grab the remote and change the channel.

That's what the headset tells me psychologically. What do you think? Do you think pretentious? Like what goes in your head? Oh, yeah, totally. I think, like, who's trying to, like, reinvent, you know? I think there's something so cool about taking the mic out of the mic stand the same way Eddie Murphy did in Raw

and Richard Pryor live on the Sunset Strip and all that stuff. That's the magic. That's what's amazing. That mic and that mic stand is all we need that stool that is it that is it maybe there's a bottle of water out there maybe there's a towel maybe there's it's about it and that's it and that's what i love about it you take that away then you have the same stage that's there in the middle of the day when no crowds there there's no magic i always love that feel that vibe vibe. I even like sound checks.

Sound checks give me the chills. When there's nobody out there and you just see the mic in the mic stand that's going to be used that night, like that instrument of death just standing there. But an empty stage is sort of just sad to me. I mean, what? Then he just has the stool or something? Like, I don't even know.

It's just weird. I'm not into that. He seems like the kind of guy that would have, likey backgrounds too in his specials like maybe his name and giant block letters right and like memories from his childhood are back there and stuff like kid pictures oh no and then he moves over towards that section when he's talking about certain things yeah well when you have that headset on i expect you to be giving some sort of a motivational anthony robbins type speech how do i invigorate my staff how do i get my employees as enthusiastic as i am well that's a good question and you're pacing back and right yeah i don Yeah. I don't know anything about

Christopher Titus. That's what's crazy. I've made friends with so many comedians and worked with so many people and met and this and that. I don't know anything about him. And I attribute a lot of that to the headset style that he has. I think we come from two totally different sides of the spectrum. I'm just guessing.

I don't even know what he talks about or anything about him, but I'm just guessing. I don't even know what he talks about or anything about him, but I'm guessing him and I are like two different schools. I don't know. You'd probably have to go see him. I haven't seen him live in a long fucking time. I feel like Gallagher used one of those, right? I think so, yeah.

Yeah, he had to. He's smashing shit with a hammer. If you're using that giant sledgehammer, you have two hands on a sledgehammer, you have to have a headset, right? I wonder if if he had wires because when he was doing it man yeah dean del rey was telling me about the guy who invented the wireless headset or the guy who invented the wireless microphone he had him on his podcast and dean knows the guy and apparently it took the guy like a decade or more to figure out how to do

it right. The thing still almost never worked. I think you should still get back to the drawing board on it. That shit always gives out. I hate wireless mics. They're just not as much fun as ones with cords. They work pretty flawless. I had to do one today. I used one today at the weigh-ins. That was a wireless mic. Yeah, but that's a big, big top. You're at the top level of production there. And plus that mic, they have enough battery in that thing. And the thing you did wasn't that long.

You know what I mean? Right, right, right. They have that all juiced up with a double backup. And I'm hyped. They have one shot at it. Everything else. They changed the battery. When we're doing

a six hour show they changed my battery for my uh my battery pack because i have a wireless battery pack i have a wireless um mic that is in my ear so when i am um going onto the uh into the octagon i have a backup like a um a battery that's in the microphone. And I also have batteries that are in the receiver where there's an earpiece. So the production can talk into my ear. They'll say things like, we have a replay for you. If you want to go to that, let us know. Or we'll follow your lead.

They'll say things like that. Maybe I'm talking to someone about something particularly interesting that happened during the fight, and they'll tell me. We're about to show it. Or a lot of times fighters are rambling about their sponsors and thanking Allah or fucking Moses or whatever. They'll say to cut them off, cut them off, cut them off, cut them off, which I can only do so much.

But those batteries, they change those batteries at least once during the course of the ufc like they put a fresh one in the beginning and then change it halfway through yeah there's just simply never as many problems with wires as there are with wireless yeah except the comedy store the the microphone the other day was fucking the wire was falling out of the bottom the comedy store once every few months that happens because so many comedians are dropping the mic and trying to use it as a prop yeah it's craziness there people are so desperate well it's also that that mic gets used by all the open micers doing potluck too yeah so it'd get used by you know 20 people that have maybe never even held a mic before every monday you know what were you saying though about

the guy that invented the wireless oh dean del rey had him on his podcast and dean was explaining to me how long this guy worked to develop that and how fucking rich this guy is now this guy owns like the most expensive house in San Francisco. He has some crazy castle that he built just from the money that he made from the wireless mic. I will let Dean explain it. I wish I could remember.

If you just Google Dean Del Rey's Let There Be Rock or Let There Be Talk, that's his podcast, right? He's got an episode somewhere in there where he talks to the guy who invented the wireless mic and the guy explains it but what a freak out that is the guy figured out how to make a frequency that you can tune into in a building i think he said the rolling stones are the first ones to use it but then once they started using it everybody wanted to use it

like wait what like the guitar is not connected to wires what the fuck yeah you know and then they have to have a different frequency obviously for the guitar than they do for the other shit that's going on wow a few different frequencies that are floating around the air like radio signals i like the wires man i think it gives us a feeling of stability and connection. And, like, I don't know. There's something about losing the particles of art in the air that just seems risky to me. It really does. Like, I mean, there's just so few problems with the wired mic.

You know, there's that on-off switch, and there's a button there. And sometimes when you're performing you feel it against your thumb you're like whoa that's close and you gotta like turn it that's like one more problem that we need up there yeah that is just like a little and you know sometimes it is off by the way because i go out there first sometimes and every once in a while there's nothing crazier than you on the side mic going, going, Melbourne, what the fuck is up? And the place just goes, yeah! And you bring me up, the Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe, and, yeah!

And I walk up, and it's like a 15, 20-second walk to the mic sometimes in these big venues, and you grab the mic, and you're like, what's up, Melbourne? And you realize that the power's not on on and then you have to hit the button. Dude, it happens like 5 or 10% of the time. I don't make a deal about it or complain about it, but when there's a wireless mic, 5 to 10% of the time,

that's the ratio I'm giving for this, there's a problem. Normally, they're not turned on in the beginning. It's like the easiest thing that everybody forgets to do. And then I'm stuck. I know how to turn all those on, by the way. From that, I never owned one of these mics or took a class. You end up finding out where every button is on every mic.

Yeah, with 3,000, 4,000, 5,000 people watching, and they don't even realize. They're like, oh, he's taking his time saying hello to us. It's like, no, I already tried. Well, they used to be the old ones had the antennas in the bottom and if you got too close to the antenna it would cut off like if you hold it too close to the bottom they'd tell me even in the early days of the ufc when i would do post-flight interviews don't grab the bottom of the mic you had to grab like or towards the top and i would grab it like with my index finger and my um my thumb and sort of let

my other fingers relax so i don't want to grip it too tight at the bottom because i worried that it would cut off the signal somehow like if you grab it low like a fighter sometimes they would take the mic from me or they would hold on to the mic as well and they would touch the bottom of it it would cut off the the signal yeah Yeah, they're more problematic. There's something, you could use cords too. You know, use them as props, as part of like the cord. Like I had a bit that I used to do about having a girl jerk you off,

like trying to brush your teeth with your left hand. Like they don't have the type of coordination that's developed over years and years of jerking off. You know, like when a girl says i'll just do it with my hand like what would make you think that you could possibly be as good at that as me and i would do this bit where i would hold the cord with my left hand and i'd be jerking it off like a girl with a tired arm like oh my god i have to switch hands and like i needed the cord if i didn't the cord, it wouldn't work as well.

If I needed a physical thing in my hand that I was tugging on that made more sense, then if I was doing it in the air, the bit would be like 10% less effective. And plus, I feel like there's just something fun, especially when we're doing big theaters and big stages. There's something fun about that whip, you know what I mean? Just getting it out of the way. Because I think it sort of tells the audience, I'm going to get this out of the way because I have stuff to do. I have stuff to share with you. You know what i mean like just like getting it out of the way because i think it sort of tells the audience like i'm gonna get this out of the way because i have stuff to do i have stuff to share with you you know what i mean like get this shit and like moving it i feel like that's all sort of like training the audience to sort of be like oh he knows what he's doing you know

what i mean like he's getting that out of the way something's about to happen like i don't know i feel like there's something i'm just just pro-chord all the way. How many clubs have you performed at in New York City? Pretty much all of them. Have you ever noticed that a lot of the clubs in New York in particular, they have really small stages? Really small. The craziest was Caroline's. Caroline's would have two different stages.

They'd have the regular stage, and then they'd have the sellout stage, where they would take the wings off the side. And you would be in a sold-out room of 300 people, and they would be fucking on top of you. I mean, literally, they could touch your dick. They could reach out and just touch you. You're so close to the audience. Their tables are so small, and everybody's stuffed in there. And I think that that style of

comedy like there's a certain type of intimacy in those clubs like uh stand-up new york is like that there's a certain type of intimacy in those clubs because you can't move around very much you can't get very physical and you almost have to talk to the audience you almost have to address them right because they're right in front of you yeah it's so small like i don't think people realize when they're watching like louis how small that stage is at the cellar oh it's tiny there's nothing there it's like a shoebox yeah it's like really really really crazy small where it's like um even the belly room's bigger than that oh yeah oh definitely yeah the or is bigger than that oh yeah i yeah. I think the OR is the perfect room. I think the original room at the Comedy Store is literally the perfect room.

I think the belly room almost might be too small, but it's a good proving ground. It's a good place to fuck around. It's a good room to get good for the OR. Yeah. And then the main room is like the big show. Yeah. Yeah. like the big show yeah yeah but the main room still i would take a sold out hot or crowd over a sold out main room crowd because it's or while it's harder it's more fun to kill in i'm telling you i had this set the other night and it's because of joey diaz because joey diaz made them believe

that miracles could happen that's what happened. Joey Diaz made this audience think that they were at the greatest thing ever. And I was there too. I was in the back of the room watching him, my hands hurting from clapping. And it fucking pumped me up, man. And I had more fun in the OR the other day at the comedy store.

You know, I feel like it's not supposed to be that way. I should have had more fun in Atlanta headlining my own shows or at Oddball or whatever, but it's like there's something about that OR. It's probably because it's the first place I ever went up. Well, I forgot what it was like when I was not there for seven years. I forgot. I didn't, and I kind of knew there was something cool about it,

but going back, it's been a year now since I've been back, because I went back last November. And when I went back, I was like, whoa, this place is crazy. I forgot. I forgot. There's like a unique feeling in that room. Because that was Ciro's nightclub, and because of how many people died there, and how much crazy shit has gone on that

room think about how much performing has been in that building oh yeah there's nothing like it anywhere because it's been every day of the year from nine till two in the morning every day of the year yeah every day of the year like unless there's some crazy thing that's going on they only closed for one day after that shooting yeah and even oh i guess they stopped that show when it happened yeah yeah but i mean christmas new year's hanukkah those are big days rosh hashanah big days for them they Every day. Every day. Seven days a week. 365 days a year.

And it's the, like Mitzi used to call it, the home for misfit toys. The island of misfit toys, that's what she used to call it. I think about that a lot. You know, we were just talking about the hauntings last night at the comedy store. And yeah, I think that it could have to do with all the people that have gotten killed there. But I think there's also something to be said about that being a building in which every night there's this burst of energy for five or six hours. And then back down to complete silence to where you can hear a roach on the other side of the building walking across the main room stage. You know what i mean like it gets so quiet there and then what 16 hours later every room filled to the gullets

with human beings for five or six hours and then boom like that doesn't happen anywhere you know what i mean like yeah they're fucking gong again. Yeah. Ding dong, ding ding ding ding dong. It's a shitty non-melodic tune, too. You hear that? Yeah, they used to really, like, fucking, music used to suck. All they had were these six church bells. You know what's amazing is that they figured out how to write music down, and you could recreate it.

Like, da da da da. Like, they figured out how to write that down, and you could recreate it. Like, da-da-da-da. Like, they figured out how to write that down. Yeah. And you look at sheet music, which I can't read, but people who can read it, they look at that, and they can perform something that was written down way before things were ever recorded. Like, music was ever, like, they didn't figure out

how to record music until, like, what? What was it, like, the 1800s or the 1900s? Whenever they figured out the first phonographic record it's probably like the early 1900s or the late 1800s whatever the fuck it was whenever they figured out how to record an album you know on wax think about how long they wrote stuff down that you could recreate but like you couldn't recreate like songs like as far as like how someone could sing like if you think about the difference in the way Amy Winehouse sings in the way you know fill in the blank you know yeah any

other you know Barbra Streisand sayings or Aretha Franklin sings you know looked at Aretha Franklin like. You know, you looked at Aretha Franklin, like, how could you ever recreate that on paper where you could understand? You better think, think! Think about what you're trying to do to me! You never could ever, you know, you never nail James Brown. Ow!

Da-da-da-da-da! Get up! Get on up! You could never figure out how to relay that to people without them actually hearing it. Makes you wonder what we missed. Oh, yeah. Singing and all that stuff. Well, you know, that's one of the things I'm listening to

is Dan Carlin's Hardcore History Podcast. And part of it is about Herodotus and how Herodotus, the way he would write history, was so theatrical and there was so much flavor, the way he would write history, was so theatrical, and there was so much flavor to the way he wrote things, that they think that part of it was what he wrote was meant to be performed, that it was not just a written thing that was meant to be read, but it was meant to be performed in these theatrical presentations presentations and that's how they used to

relay history which was why it had so much flavor to it it like it was designed to rope people in that were watching it they were probably fucked up on homemade wine and you know yeah and those amphitheaters those those places that they had developed, they would have like a flat surface on the ground and these like tiered stairs all around them and they would have to project their words. Like all that style of acting was all based on having to project so that people could hear you. That sort of flavored how early acting was.

A lot of early acting was very over the top. Yeah. And a big part of that was because they had to hear you in the back of the room. They didn't have microphones. Yeah. And now a lot of the best stuff is the opposite. I feel like a lot of my favorite actors are very, very, very chill. Very, very mellow.

Oh yeah, well you think about what you can get done with a quiet voice now that you could never do before. Yeah. With the smoldering that you could do now. And the HD, you can really see their face and the way that they, if they're upset or they're sad or anything.

And now acting, I feel like has been, you know, so amplified. Yeah, it's, it's, it's really interesting what they've been able to do as far as broadcasting and recording people's movements and people's talking. And well, even in like martial arts like we're gonna go see the UFC tomorrow but I'll tell you man when I was young like watching people much better than me fight and watching them kick and watching them like perform techniques made me understand how to do them correctly because I could watch them but you had to be around these guys to watch them like when I was a kid i used to study tapes at the time was like vhs tapes but it was like the one of the first times that people had vhs

tapes to study it was in the 80s because before that you had to have like a projector you had to get like a projection and like mike tyson used to watch old films at customato's house he would go down he would operate one of those real to real projectors and watch old films of people fighting and he learned from their movements like how to mimic and how to imitate those movements and how to learn from those movements and now you could just go to YouTube you can find something like fighters today in the ufc they have such a massive advantage of like being able to mirror and imitate and and sort of recreate the movements of like great fighters because you could

see how they do it you could watch every anderson silva fight that he ever had in the ufc anybody could watch him yeah and you could see what he was able to do and how he moved it almost seems like we're at the point almost where like I don't know decades from now fighters Will be able to like spar 3d with their opponent coming up that they're actually going against in the octagon Oh, yeah, definitely You know yeah that they're gonna get their real effects and real moves like when they do the kicks the angles that you could just Practice with that stuff. Yeah, you'll have holograms. Yeah, you'll have holograms. You'll have holograms. Maybe you could wear a suit,

and when that person hits you in the hologram, like, you'll feel some sort of an impact. Like, not to the point where it'll hurt, but you'll be aware of when they connect it on you. And maybe when they connect on you, like, their holographic image will respond as if they actually hit you. Like, they won't kick

through you they'll kick up into the point where it touches you and you'll feel it on your chest like you'll have some sort of a suit on that's totally within the realm of possibility for the future when technology advances yeah virtual reality too man virtual reality is going to be so fascinating what they're going to be able to do with movies you're going to be able to watch 3d movies where you put a virtual reality headset on and you're going to be immersed in the movie you'll be able to go through like a crime scene and look down at the body and look down at the person who's trying to cover up the evidence and look look look out the window and see the cops pull up on the holy shit you're going to like be a part in the in the actual movie itself yeah all

these different ways to experience it instead of being able to experience a part in the in the actual movie itself yeah all these different ways to experience it instead of being able to experience a movie in a flat sort of a two-dimensional way where you're forced to watch the scene as the director had laid it out you're going to be able to change and alter the scene yourself by your own perspective you could decide to stand on a chair in the scene you know and look at it from up above or get down on your knees and look down at the body, look down at the murder weapon or look down at the grass these people are playing in.

You're going to be able to manipulate your perspective and it'll change how you enjoy a film. Yeah. Makes me want to start writing one like that. Yeah, man. I like that thing you just started. It's like, you know you know it almost yeah well like a three-dimensional game like if you play a game like quake or unreal or you know some some 3d

shooter or you're going down these hallways you can pause at any time and look at the ground look at the walls and it becomes like an interactive thing and instead of and it's still obviously a work of art it's still when you're playing a game like if it's not a if it's not an interactive game or if it's not rather a multiplayer game where you're playing against another person if it's just you versus the computer you're still choosing how to approach it and how to interface with the game you could pause if you like you could stop and not move forward. Or you could run. Or you could go left or you could go right.

You could choose. And you're choosing to how you interact with this piece of art. Like a video game is really a piece of art. You're kind of choosing how you connect to it. You know, I think that's very likely going to be the way we experience movies. Like you're going to be able to choose how you interact with it. But then the problem with that is, then a film won't be something that you really necessarily would enjoy

watching it with other people. Right. Like at a movie theater. Yeah. It's going to be so different if you have a virtual reality headset on. It's true, but I think watching movies with people is way overrated. Do you? When's the last time you went to a movie theater by yourself?

I bet it's been a while, right? Long time. Long time. I never even thought about it. Again, maybe it's just a Midwest thing where it's like, you don't go to a movie by yourself. Like a freak? Like I feel like that's crazy.

Yeah, exactly. What are you? What are you, what are you a school shooter you don't go to a movie by yourself but man when there's and you know i love my girlfriend she's amazing she loves movies and we go and we see movies there's something about going by yourself and you just have both armrests, and there's just no distractions. No one's touching you and asking you questions. When's the last time somebody whispered something in your ear at the movie theater,

and you said, thank you for that information. Like, I'm really grateful for that information. I wouldn't have known that or noticed that. You know, a movie is supposed to, like, you're supposed to have your own take on it. You know what I mean? Like, Quentin tarantino said with pulp fiction that he wanted everybody that saw that movie to have it to have seen a different movie to think that something else happened and miss a part and like have everybody almost have

like a different dna for that movie like that he didn't want two people to see the same thing. And it makes sense completely that, that, that, that for that movie. Um, and like, I'm so, I don't even like anybody else in the movie theater,

not to mention somebody next to me. The worst is people talking. Well, the worst to me. I mean, I hate talking. That's way out of line, but there's something about putting your feet on the chair in front of you.

You only do that if that chair is empty. Right. If somebody's sitting in that chair in front of you, you can't put your feet on it. It's like the same thing with an airplane. If you do, you're an asshole. There's some people that do put their feet on other people's chairs. Yeah. And it's super rude.

Well, you can feel that in a movie theater. They give you that two-inch push to where you could sort of lean back. So you feel it every time, like big time. So then you're watching a movie and shit's serious. And all of a sudden, now you're thinking about what kind of shoes the person behind you is wearing. Or if they're even wearing shoes or this and that. And how out of line that is to do that at a movie theater. It's so out of line. And by the way, way popcorn how did that become the thing at the movie theater i know it sounds

like a hacky like premise but how did that become the theater food because it's delicious and it's a good snack it's a good snack i don't know if i give it delicious with butter and salt yeah i mean the first few bites they They get you with that. Popcorn's only good for about 10 bites, and then it's just a workout. And it's the loudest thing out of everything. It's not the loud, but it is loud. It's crunch, crunch, crunch. It's so loud. It's not as loud as chips.

And every time somebody opens the door, you can hear it popping in the lobby too. It's loud to make. It's loud to eat. You can hear it when people drop it. When was the last time you heard it popping in the lobby too like it's like loud to make it's allowed to eat you can hear it when people drop it you can last time you heard it pop in the lobby where are you going to the movies the new beverly cinema beverly and labrea quentin tarantino's theater they show like old westerns oh do you go there dude i watched the good the bad the ugly a few weeks ago really with the crowd going crazy crazy dude, dude. We need to go. Laughing at the funny scenes, gasping at the serious ones.

They show real old movies. October, they just had Halloween. They showed Beetlejuice, Night of the Living Dead. Cool movies. Chips would be worse, though, wouldn't they? Yeah. That would be the worst. Yeah.

And the bag of chips. You're right. Ch chips would be terrible this shitty fucking church yeah keeps letting us think it's like a dog next door there's a guy named frank santorelli who's a funny comic from boston he used to he was in uh the sopranos he had a scene that's probably a bartender in sopranos and he had this bit about a dog barking next door right when you think it's going to stop. Like, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. Like in that. That's like this fucking stupid church. Yeah.

Some asshole was next door just clanging on those bells yeah some hunchback some freak um did you hear what was going on with quentin tarantino where the cops are boycotting him yeah they don't want to work his movies because he called them killers yeah kind of interesting yeah well i'm pretty sure uh i'm pretty sure that, you know, first of all, they're drawing more attention to it than would have been had they not boycotted his movies. They wouldn't be talking about Quentin Tarantino doing that. The only thing that they're talking about is New York police boycott

Quentin Tarantino's movies. These LA police. Coming out at the end of December, by the way. You know what I mean? It's like such a promo. These things backfire when these people try to do this stuff. But it also makes people aware that what he's saying is irresponsible. You know, to call all cops killers.

You think about how many cops and how many interactions the cops have all day long. I mean, yeah, it is terrible when something like sandra bland or all these different scenarios take place where where people do wind up dying at the hand of cops it's absolutely horrific but how many you look at the actual numbers of how many cops there are and how many interactions these cops have with human beings and how many different interactions happen during a day and how many times it leads to a real problem those problems for sure are horrific and they're real issues but overall i mean to label all cops killers or all cops murderers or all cops like that it's it is in a way irresponsible and it's easy to do did he say all cops i don't know what his words were. I don't even think he did. I think he said something to the effect of

cops have been murdering innocent people, something like that. And for them to run with it, I mean, okay, guys, so what an imprint you're going to leave on this brand new Hateful Eight movie that's going to be the shit. What is the movie supposed to be about?

Oh, God, God. What is it? Gee is the movie supposed to be about oh god god what is it it's gonna be so good um it's about basically the gist is sort of like civil war it's sort of like django meets inglorious bastards like it's like civil war but like really badass kurt russell civil war huh yeah civil war mixed with assassins, and they kidnap someone. So it's in the late 1800s? That's when it's supposed to be taken place? Yeah. Dude, Kurt Russell has this huge beard and this huge mustache.

So was he growing it for the movie, or is it fake? Oh, it's real. He fucking did it. I wonder how long it took him to grow something like that. A long time. They all do that shit. They make them fucking work. You know, you've seen kill bill yeah he sent them all to japan to train in the art of the samurai sword that entire assassination squad the deadly

vipers david caradine vivica a fox michael madsen Uma Thurman, and Daryl Hannah. They all went to fucking Japan and stayed in cool little Japanese fucking condos with sliding. Everything was like super culture for them to really get in the zone. And you can tell that they know what they're doing when they're doing their crazy shit. You can feel it in that movie i feel like at least um but anyway yeah i mean like you know those cops are gonna see that movie they can say they're gonna boycott it what do they i mean i would say they'd put on a fake mustache but they probably already have mustaches they're gonna shave their mustaches to go sneak in like oh i'm not going to see this movie.

My ass. You're going to miss Kurt Russell with an all-out beard and a Civil War assassin saga? Okay, officer. You're lost. You might as well just go kill innocent people. Oh, no. I don't know what's worse, missing that movie or killing innocent people but I'm just a huge Tarantino nerd fan so but I think everybody should be he's definitely made

some fucking awesome movies Pulp Fiction was such a game changer you were watching on the way up here I looked over and I saw that uh that image of the girl and the guy at the diner at the beginning of the movie where they talk to each other right when they kiss before they rob the place i'm like wow that's like the beginning of the stitch that ties that whole crazy movie together yeah it's unbelievable yeah different time frames of all that yeah i mean like when they come back to that at the end and they're robbing the place and travolta and samuel are sitting there at by the time that that happens at the end we know travolta gets killed by bruce willis three you know 10 15 15 20 minutes before that

that samuel ends up retiring from the game because of the bullet holes in the wall which it's like all just like crazy I haven't seen that movie in a long time I need to go watch it again fun fact is I was watching it without the sound on I was listening to music and just had my headphones off because I know every single inch of that movie so well that I don't even need to have the sound like it's fun to have the sound but it's also fun to like see their lips moving and knowing exactly what's going on yeah yeah i was doing the same thing with the lord of the rings did you end up watching that new mission impossible no oh god it was really good i was really surprised i'm not a mission impossible guy at all but this new one's great those movies are so stupid i know but this one

was like so good it was like funny there was a few times where i laughed out loud like i was like this is fucking impressive like i think all those are crap all of them but this one's like really well written those movies it's it's hard to get me to sign up for like a bond movie or like a mission impossible movie because like you know that tom cruise is going to be okay you know daniel craig's going to make it to the end of the movie whatever bad guys he's facing he's going to wind up killing oh he's almost gonna die but he doesn't psych right like you know no matter what but yeah there's always one of those scenes where they're dead and then like all of a sudden somebody has the paddles and they jolt them back to life yeah what did i see recently that was like that, that I had a really hard time getting into?

Because I knew that, oh, the Martian. I knew he was going to live. Yeah. Like, oh, my God, he's almost dying. Right. But he's not. Yeah. There was no drama.

Like, when they were talking about coming back to get him, I'm like, they're going to get him. Right. They're going to get him. He's going to live. Like, live like oh my god he's floating in space he's got to figure out how to get to them so they can grab him and bring him on board they're gonna figure it out like there was no drama right it was so it's it's so problematic when you have like a star and one individual star that is responsible for driving the whole movie and that the whole movie was based

on Matt Damon getting off Mars. He got trapped on Mars, and they had to go back and get him. So because of the fact that it was based on that, you knew he was going to make it. You knew. There was no real suspense. And the end of the movie was kind of anticlimactic, because you knew it.

Whereas even a movie like Alien, like the original Alien with Sigourney Weaver you kind of knew that Sigourney Weaver was going to make it but the way they did it was so clever and they fucking killed off everybody but her that it was okay because it was so chaotic

I've been on a movie Rampage lately and I purposefully didn't go see The Martian really? yeah I'm like allergic to Matt Damon why are you allergic to Matt Damon oh there's just something about him I just think he's like the most overworked overrated like just bland boring I think rounders would have been better without him I think Malkovich buried him in that movie he couldn't follow anything Malkovich was doing with his Oreos and all that stuff.

I think Ben Affleck's the same thing. And I think they're like this duo of dog shit that just... Duo of dog shit! That just, like, somehow they got this, like, Good Will Hunting momentum. And, like, everybody's just like, yeah, they're cool because they're from Good Will Hunting. It's like, no, I'm not buying it. Ben Affleck's a tool. He's not cool at all.

Matt Damon is like, you know. If you want to know how much of a tool Ben Affleck really is, you have to watch him on Real Time with Bill Maher. Watch him on Real Time with Bill Maher where he accuses Sam Harris. I don't know if you know Sam Harris. He's a brilliant intellectual who's written many, many books on religion. He's just a fucking super genius. And he accused him of being racist for his stance on Islam, like radical Islam and fundamentalist Islam,

being like a really dangerous proposition, a dangerous ideology. And he did it in such a stupid, clunky, ignorant way. And looked so dumb and so much forced outrage while he was doing it. You watch him do it, you go, oh my god, fuck this guy. I see what he's doing. He was totally going social justice, brownie points. Trying to stand up for the oppressed. The way he did it was so awkward and loud and shouty.

It was so dumb. It was so dumb that it instantly reveals how weak his actual argument was. He was trying to back it up by calling him a racist. He was trying to put him on the back of his heels. But you can't do that to Harris because he's a master debater. He debates with people all the time, religious people all the time. So when you do that, he never loses his cool cool which made ben affleck look even dumber and then bill maher is taking uh sam harris aside as well and they're both going like i think you're missing

what he's saying and he's like it's racist oh my god it's racist look at what you're saying it's so racist but it's so dumb and clunky and it it's just, you realize, like, the poor quality of his thinking and how high he holds his own opinions. Like, what, you know, it's, you have to see it. But it's so toolish. I'll never, I mean, I can't say I'll never respect his opinion again. But I value it so much less after watching that argument. We should boycott his

movies he was good in gone girl though did you see gone girl he was good in gone girl but you know what i think that was just an extremely well-written well-directed movie that easily could have slipped uh you could have slipped kevin spacey in there and it's like no 20 better well yeah i mean you know but i. He's too gay and fat too. You'd have to have someone younger and handsome. But yeah, you could have Jake Lillenhal. Probably would have crushed it. Totally.

Much better performance. There's something about Ben Affleck where you watch him and you just know it's Ben Affleck. Yeah. He doesn't really break out of that. He's never like a different, you're never like, I didn't even notice that was Ben affleck yeah you know it's like he doesn't he doesn't really break out of that he's never like a different you're never like oh i didn't even notice that was ben affleck you know what i mean like how you how that that's that way with so many great actors and like you're like oh

i didn't even notice that was him like he's so good in it yeah i felt like that in that um what was that movie that he did the town that was another movie it's like god anybody could have done that the town movie where he plays the bank robber guy remember that movie no him and his buddies they're all bank robbers from charlestown charlestown was like a real area of boston that was filled with like legit criminals and they were like a legit high amount of bank robbers that came out of this one area. But he's done a bunch of those Boston movies too. That's where Good Will Hunting was.

I love what South Park does with Matt Damon. They just make him play. They make him retarded. But he's not stupid, so it's so funny. When they did Team America, World Police, and he's like, Matt Damon. Made him so stupid, but he's not stupid. like, Matt Damon. Yeah. Made him so stupid. But he's not stupid. Oh, I love it.

Oh, I love it. I think those guys are crap. Just crappity crap crap. Yeah. They're an interesting duo. Yeah. I don't know. It's hard to be an actor and not be a douchebag and full of shit.

Just to make it through the ranks. Yeah. To get to a position where you're an actual movie star and all the dicks you've sucked along the way, figuratively, not literally necessarily. Like Christian Bale, you know, like he yelled at those people and stuff. But you know what? Sorry. He's fucking good. He's fucking good. Well, not only that, the guy's distracting him in the background while he's in this really important emotional scene. And you want to shame him by recording that as if he's an asshole. But guess what? The guy who's distracting him with the lights, that guy's an idiot.

Yeah. You can have idiots like that on the set, and they do ruin things. Yeah. They do. And if he's a perfectionist, like obviously he is. Yeah. He couldn't possibly be as good as he is without being a perfectionist when you have someone who's like irritating you like that that's on the set yeah i could see him snapping it makes sense yeah yeah and it's like you know people are like oh

christian bale's a dick it's like to that guy but we don't even know who that guy was right maybe we met that guy would be like oh you're a fucking moron yeah or else maybe we'd be hearing more of these clips of christian bale yelling at innocent people instead there was just that one yeah and it's like you know my patience grows a lot longer for people who i respect you know i have a whole bit about it you know about bill cosby and woody allen about this night you can get away with stuff if you're talented you make multiple hits and you're good you can get away with stuff if you're talented you make multiple hits and you're good you can get away with shit well there's obviously a point of no return for a guy like cosby he can't get away with it anymore he stopped performing remember in the beginning he

was performing yeah he had all these dates that he was doing while the accusations were coming out people were still like yelling out we love you bill we love you bill but now even those people like damn bill's a racist totally racist he's a rapist rather yeah i think he's gonna paterno out you know what i mean like joe paterno yeah something like that joe paterno like the week that he retired it was so crazy like i just watched a 30 for 30 espPN documentary on it. You ever watch those? Yeah. And it said, they were talking about how literally the day that he announced his retirement, he went home and took a bloody poop. Next day goes to the doctors, like, my poop's bloody. And they're like, yeah, your body's filled with cancer right now.

He's like, oh, okay. Like, seven days later, he was dead. Something like that. Wow. It was, like, so fast. he's filled with cancer right now he's like oh okay like seven days later he was dead something like that wow it was like so fast well he probably had the stress of knowing that he was harboring a child molester for years it does probably eating away at him besides the fact that he was an old guy as it is but you think about what kind of stress must be involved in having a guy like that, that you know is fucking kids and you don't know what to do about it. You don't know what to do because he's got this whole charitable organization

where he's taking care of children. And you know, you know, and everybody else knows, he's fucking those kids. And then when it comes out, the world knows that you knew he was fucking those kids and you didn't do anything about it and you should have and you were a coward and it just starts rotting you out from the inside oh my god

it must be fucking devastating it's like almost like just being as bad as the pedophile except you don't even get to like blow those loads you know what I mean I would love to. That's so rude. Say if Bill Cosby does, if it turns out that Bill Cosby has cancer and he's dying and he wants to come clean and he wants to talk about it all, I would love to have him on a podcast.

Can you imagine having Bill Cosby on a podcast before he's dying? Just asking him, how did this all start? Like, what was this, what was it all about? Like, when did you first drug somebody? Did you get, like, is it something that excited you? Was it a convenience thing? Like, what was it that made you think that it's okay? Because he has daughters, right?

I believe he has daughters. God, man, I can imagine. I don't even know how anybody could get into something like that like it's so interesting that's such a weird like fetish because he clearly could have just had sex with whoever he wanted well he clearly could have just had prostitutes he's worth so much money yeah he could have always done that or he could have always like found someone who wanted to have sex with them but i think he liked drugging them it's the only thing that makes sense to me i think there's something which it makes you wonder i don't

even know i've never heard of it before but it's like you know what is that what what is that if that's a fetish then why couldn't you just pay a prostitute almost to do that yeah but then it wouldn't really be happening see i think part of it had to be that he wanted to trick those girls he wanted to give them hey come over here and have a cappuccino and he gives them a cappuccino and they're like, oh, you feeling sleepy, are you? And he just pulls his cock out. You don't even see this, do you? And then he throws them on the bed and pulls their panties off and fucks them while they're out cold. He must have been

into that. He must have been into the game of drugging them. He must have been into slipping them a mickey and watching them black out. But then he's stuck with them for hours while they try to sober up, too. How bizarre is that? Like, he had to be with them while they were out cold

when he drugged them, and he had to be willing to deal with that. There's other ways he could have gone about it, too. Like, you know, like, he could have just, like, you know. I'm interested to know if he ever just had him come over and sat down and watched, like like a ben affleck movie with them just to make him fall asleep instead of drugging him you know just like oh you allergic to the matt damon i don't think that i think that a guy like that a guy like cosby is probably a sociopath in some sort of a strange way,

a very unique way. An egomaniac, a sociopath, and feels like he's better than people. Feels like it's okay. It's okay if he drugs them. Remember somebody, I don't know if we can talk about this, but what that person told us in that green room that one time about him? Oh, yeah. We could probably mention that.

Yeah, we could talk about that. We've talked about it. I've talked about it before. Oh, okay. She said that he was at a casino and he made the security guard tuck him in, come to his hotel room and tuck him in. And this was all before the allegations came out,

but not much before like a few months before like six months at the most and um we we were there like right when all this was breaking it was over a year ago see that should have been a sign right there anybody who needs to get tucked in should get like investigated by the fbi right well it's like why did he want to get tucked in what's going on with that he and he also wanted people to watch him eat do you remember that too he would have them sit down the whole staff like all the people that work there they would sit in his dressing room and watch him eat curry he would eat his food and they would sit around he they didn't interact with him

they would just sit around and watch him eat wow Wow. Like, what? That's some freaky stuff. What a weird request. Yeah. But I think he probably had a bunch of those weird things that he had in his mind. Like, we were at this club last night, and someone, we don't have to mention their name, but some comedian that we know.

Yeah. And they were all saying what a piece of shit the guy was. They would never have him back here again. But that when they got to the airport, he's like, you know, telling them to carry his luggage. And then when people were there, he's like, don't let anybody touch me. People come over to take my picture. Don't let anybody touch me people come over to take my picture don't let anybody touch me and then it's just like the weirdness of how he interacted with these people that worked there they're like look you'll never be back here again right like we just let you know right now you'll

never you're never coming back here again yeah and they said he was like the worst guy they had ever had come to their club but this guy who we're talking about had all these weird ticks all these weird things that he would do like make people carry his stuff like things that he would do to to clearly establish he was better than that right make them sell his merch yeah things like that yeah yeah and that neurosis that these people have it's so ridiculous because most of the most talented people that I've met drive their own car, carry their own bag, all of it,

and would be insulted if somebody tried that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? Like, come on, give me my bag. You know, like it's like the opposite because that's simply not how success works. You don't get extra time to think because somebody else is carrying your bag. Then you have more pride in the person that you're hanging out with

because they're carrying their bag and you're carrying your bag. It just seems like the neurosis of it all is like such an old Hollywood myth. Well, it's one thing. It's like maybe you had two big bags, and a driver came. Let me help you with that. They grab one of your roller bags and ask you some questions and pull it around. But his thing was like making everyone do the work.

He didn't want to carry anything. Right. He wanted them to pick up his bags at the airport. But I think when people demand preferential or special treatment like that, they start to think of themselves as being superior to everyone else. Everyone else, throw your rose petals in the ground so that I may walk upon them. This idea that Cosby was better than all those people that he was drugging. He was better than all those people that were watching him eat curry.

That he was better than that guy who he wanted to tuck him in. Tuck me in. I'm the king. I will lie in my bed. And when I lie in my bed, then I want you to put the blanket over me. And then I want you to tuck it on each side and I will rest. And then you will leave,

shut the light out the king is sleeping yeah there's something creepy about that yeah that's also the same kind of thing in some sort of a way that would allow him to have done all that horrific shit that he did drugging those people nobody's really going to understand it unless he talks about it yeah unless he comes clean and talks about it we're never going to understand it unless he talks about it. Yeah. Unless he comes clean and talks about it, we're never going to understand his unique psychosis. I'd love to know that. What would be the first question?

When did you do it? When did you first do it? Did you see someone drug someone? Was that a common thing? I think slipping someone a Mickey, they didn't think of it as that big of a deal back then. Right. I don't think they thought of it as rape i think they thought they were being sneaky but i think it was like like you know getting a girl getting her a couple

of drinks have a couple drinks relax okay you know voluntarily a girl has a couple drinks and you know once they have a couple drinks they're going to up. They're going to be a little more playful, a little more uninhibited. Woo, next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire. I wonder. I wonder what it was that started him down that path of drugging and raping women. This lady was on TV and she was talking about it. She was like, he might be the most prolific serial rapist in history. You stop and think about it. That's fucking insane. Bill Cosby. She's like, he might be the most prolific serial rapist in history.

You stop and think about it. Like, that's fucking insane. Bill Cosby might be the most prolific rapist in history. He really could be. 45 women at least have accused him. And those are the ones that have accused him. The ones on the road. And he's been touring forever. Everywhere. He's's been touring forever. Everywhere.

He's just been going everywhere. Chicks from Tennessee and Oklahoma, they're not going to admit that stuff. They don't even know what's going on. They're not even watching the news. They don't even know other women are coming out with it. You know? And people with families. Think of how many of those ladies must have families now, and they're not coming forward.

Well, also, they probably don't think, what is the point in adding their own story to a 50-person story? You're already dealing with a guy who's accused of multiple horrific crimes. Like, if you accuse him of one more, is it going to change anything? Right. There's one girl, though, that it's within the statute of limitations. Oh, wow. Yeah. There's one girl that they're pursuing it's within the statute of limitations. Oh, wow. Yeah. There's one girl they're pursuing that is inside the statute of limitations.

And if that comes through, if they wind up, like, he might actually wind up going to jail. Or at least standing trial. I mean, I don't know. I don't know how it works. I guess she has to press charges. And maybe he could bribe her. Maybe he could settle. you know like that term settling out of court that's just bribing someone totally that's what he did in 2005

the reason why we know about what he did was because of the deposition that they released once all these other accusations started piling up then they released the results of the deposition so we got to know that oh he admitted that he gave girls quaaludes. You know? I mean, you can't even get quaaludes anymore. Like, this guy had some quaaludes stockpiled. Yeah. I mean, if they search, they probably, I mean, they have probable cause.

Like, what is happening with that case? That's what's crazy. You don't hear about it for months and months and months. There's no updates. Even the case has been put to sleep. That's hell. Son of a bitch. And on that note.

I was going to make a probable cause be joke and didn't a minute ago. Just to let you know, like, the ones that I don't say. Like, those exist, too. I don't just say everything. Probable Cosby. Oh no. Oh no. When in Rome. It's like one of those things we could talk about a million times in a row.

We always just bang our head against the wall. It's almost like you're repeating the same conversation over and over again. Like, how could we do it? What was it about? The Michael Jackson thing is really similar. Like, you repeat the Michael Jackson thing many, many times, but he's dead. So it makes it kind of weirder because you'll never know.

You'll never know if he really did those things or if, you know, he just got weird with those kids. or if he just got weird with those kids. I had heard a weird possibility about Michael Jackson that I've talked about before, but that he was a castrata. What's that? That means he had his balls removed. You ever heard castrata singing? You never heard of that? No.

Oh, my God. They would have young men, when they were really young, they would castrate them, and they would castrate them and they would castrate them with a specific purpose of making their voice sound a certain way you never heard of that if it ever happened i bet it happened to him they were a type of opera singer they would do it on purpose wow yeah how crazy is that they would castrate young boys so that their sound would keep a certain sound. You want to hear some of it? Hold on a second.

I'm going to grab my laptop. Hang in there, folks. I'm walking across the hotel room to grab my laptop. Michael Jackson may not have had any balls. Well, you think about his voice. Like the sounds that he was able to make with his voice. Yeah. I believe it. His dad probably did it.

He's the one that wanted the money, right? Could you imagine if that's what he did? Like he had a sound when he was young and so they castrated him so that he kept that same sound. Na na na na na! Yeah. Let me pull this.

Castrata. Castrata music. Castrato. Castrato. Wow. Yeah. Castrato. That's insane. Music. Yeah. Well, it's just, how insane is it

that that is an actual style of music? Listen to this. I mean, the testosterone. The testosterone clearly would affect the voice box. I mean, that's... Yeah. Jeez, I didn't know that existed.

Listen to this. That's a guy? Yeah. This is a 1994 biopic, so that might not be legit, but it's about one of the most famous castrato singers. Like, here's a need-to-know facts, 20 need-to-know facts about castratis. Okay, the Vatican imported its very first falsetto singers from Spain. It was considered preferable to have castrated boys singing high parts since girls and women were banned in the Vatican choir. The 17th century was a bad time to be a good treble.

During the 17th century, boys in Italy began to be castrated in increasing numbers. began to be castrated in increasing numbers. This took place between the ages of 7 and 11 to preserve the purity of their unbroken voices so they could sing in church choirs. Castration operations were performed by actual butchers. The operations to remove a boy's testicles, in medical terms, was called orchidectomy, were reputedly performed by the butchers of Norica,

Norcia, an Italian region famous for its pork products where castration of pigs was common because they castrate pigs. They oftentimes would castrate pigs like in the wild and they let them go and then they try to hunt those pigs because they can't breed but they eat a lot and so they get really fat and they don't have as much muscle it's a density of muscle which comes from testosterone so they become fat and thick and like this softer meat only a tiny fraction of the children mutilated in this way even made it onto the stage by the early 1700s as many as 4 000000 Italian boys a year underwent the operation, which was illegal. Of those who survived, only a fraction went on to train as opera singers,

and of those, only a handful became superstars. Being a castrato could have unexpected physical consequences. The most famous castratis were trained in Neapolitan conservatories, where they practiced breathing techniques for hours every day to expand their lung capacities. As a result, adult castrati were often notably barrel-chested. They were tall compared to normal men of their time, but they also had a shortened life expectancy. Like, look at the images of them. These images where they show this barrel chested tall guy like how odd like that like it's like he's got a little head little hands with a long

tall torso wow yeah this is incredible man really so this article is uh symphony music s-i-n-f-i-n-i music.com and it's all 20 facts 20 known facts about castratis and some of them actually got married as poor bastards you know it's it's horrific man and there's there's an actual bbc documentary but here's an actual castrati uh the only recording of an actual castrato uh is a guy his name is alessandro moraseci and he died in 1922 so this is an actual castrati we're going to listen to here this is a real one the other one that we played earlier was apparently was a uh sort of a recreation this is a real castrati here. That's some haunting shit. That's as scary as it gets.

That's a guy with no balls. This shit's nuts. Now stop and listen to this and stop and think about Michael Jackson. Think about how feminine he was and how thin he was. Oh, my God. Just how fucked up are people that they would even think to do this to a seven-year-old boy?

How fucked up were the parents that let this be done? Their seven-year-old boy. How fucked up were the parents that let this be done? Their seven-year-old boy, let him get his nuts chopped off so he can make better noise with his face. That's crazy. Oh, it's scary. For some reason, that's like the scariest thing that I've seen in a long time. It's crazy. To lose your balls without a choice and to have it done by a butcher. I mean, my God. I mean, think of all the things that ruins. From now on, you smell bacon and things like that. It reminds you of getting your balls chopped off.

No, it doesn't. Bacon? I mean, you have to go into a butcher shop to do it. It's a traumatic experience, I'm sure. The traumatic part is listening to this tortured soul. Oh, I know. This fucking grown man who oh my god it's just it's insane that's freaky it's very freaky it's just it's it's it's hard to believe that people looked at human life like that i feel like this church next door keeps playing the bells every time we talk about crazy shit that the catholic church used to do i wonder what's worse is it the church sound the bells worse or this

that's worse is it that's like a tortured soul i was just gonna say like you can really like feel some kind of pain uh a pain that he didn't even pick. It wasn't his fault. He was thrown to the wolves. I wonder if when they did the autopsy if they found balls. What if they didn't find balls?

Would they tell us? They did the Michael Jackson autopsy? They wouldn't tell us shit yeah that's like medical information right yeah they wouldn't tell us imagine if he went to his grave like that nobody everybody kept their mouth shut meanwhile he was castrated when he was younger to make his voice sound better i guarantee you joe jackson knew about this i guarantee you this is not i mean if i know about this people know about this people in the music business that actually are singers and that are a part of the industry, they definitely know about Castratos. I wonder, man.

That's just my own personal theory, by the way. Yeah, I mean, and Michael Jackson could definitely hit some notes. Yeah. I mean. What's a song? Think of a song where Michael Jackson really definitely hit some notes. Yeah. I mean... Like, what's a song? Think of a song where Michael Jackson, like, really nailed high notes. Well, I mean, when he was in the Jackson 5, he was already doing it. How about Human Nature, right?

Yeah. Well, what... But I guess he was still a kid when he was in the Jackson 5. Right. But listen, this is Human Nature. This is a song from... This is a song from when he was... How old do you think he was when he did that? He was a grown man, for sure.

Right? So this is waiting for this ad to run out. He was probably in his 30s when he came up with this, right? Whoa. He doesn't sound like a man. No. How fucked? How fucked is that? I think he may have been missing some of his human nature.

You fucking son of a bitch. It's tough to look at the man in the mirror when you lose your ball. Ow, you fucking can't stop, can you? You can't stop. I know, but that's the sound. You ever see when he caught his head on fire in the Pepsi commercial? Yeah, the screen. Listen to this.

I can't listen anymore. Yeah. This is obviously just my theory. I might have heard it somewhere, too. I might have heard other people. I've been thinking about this for so long, I don't know. But when you listen to the castrato and then you hear that, boy. I mean, he clearly wasn't hooking up with anybody i'm sorry but the presley girl like

that was clearly a media blitz like king of pop marries the king of did he marry her yeah we did he marry her i think so lisa marie did he marry her i think so he kissed her but did he marry her i thought he married her i thought they had i thought they had like a fake kid or something together no they didn't have a fake kid but he definitely had fake kids with somebody else where it turns out there wasn't even his spurn right well it couldn't have been his spurn because his balls are in joe jackson's freezer right now okay lisa marie presley um let's see hmm do they marriage? The personal relationships of Michael Jackson.

Let's see. The entertainer was said his first real date was with the child actress Tatum O'Neill when he was a teenager in the 1970s. He called her my first love after Diana Ross. The pair eventually cooled off, in quotes, and Jackson entered into a romance with model Brooke Shields in 1981. Okay, what? Although the relationship became largely platonic, Shields said there were times where he asked her to marry him. As they grew older, the two saw each other less. Whoa.

Lisa Marie Presley by her father Elvis in 1974. Blah, blah, blah. Whoa. Shortly after becoming involved with her, in 1993, Jackson was subjected to his first set of child sexual abuse accusations. I didn't know that. Followed by similar allegations in 2003. Presley supported Jackson as he became dependent on pain medication

and eventually helped convince him to enter drug rehabilitation. In a telephone call, he proposed marriage to Presley. She agreed, and the two wed. Boom. May 26, 1994, at a private ceremony in the Dominican Republic. Clearly had to marry her because he was under child abuse things. Yeah. What the fuck?

Mm-hmm. What the fuck? Mm-hmm. Ooh. He doesn't have balls. And didn't she, like, eventually go on Lisa Marie to marry, like, uh... Somebody weird.

Wasn't it the actor? What the fuck's his name? What the fuck's his name? Billy Bob Thornton. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No Thornton. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, that was... No, no, no, no, no, no. Nicolas Cage.

Didn't she marry Nicolas Cage? I don't know. I'm pretty sure she did. Let's go to Lisa Marie Presley. Wikipedia is amazing. Relationships. Let's go to relationships here. Do, do, do, do, do.

Relationships. Marriages and relationships. Bam. She married one guy in 1988 michael jackson michael jackson spent four years following a divorce together on and off an attempt to reconcile nicholas cage presley's third marriage was to Nicholas Cage. They were married August 10, 2002

at an Oceanside ceremony on the big island of Hawaii. Eh, whatever. What the fuck? She hooked up with some weirdos. Well, imagine being Elvis' daughter. What a weird life that must have been. He'd been married to

the most famous guy the world had ever known. At been married to the most famous guy the world had ever known at the time the most famous entertainer that had ever existed by far there was never a guy like elvis before elvis because when elvis came along he was like at the moment when movies and radio and television all that collided and someone could see a guy like that on TV, on the Ed Sullivan show, swinging his hips and, you know, Jill, how's it rock? And women just, wow! Yeah. Imagine

as your fucking dad, imagine trying to be normal. That guy didn't have a chance at being normal. There was not like, like today, if you're Drake, or if you're Jay-Z, or if you're fucking you know, John Mayer, there's a lot of those dudes out there. There's a lot of them that girls will go crazy and scream for. They can hang out together and go to parties and go, man, life's crazy, right?

Yeah, bro, life's crazy for us. But Elvis had Elvis. That was it. Who else was there? Fabian? Right. Fabian had like one song. I don't even know who Fabian is.

He was like a heartthrob for a very short amount of time in the 50s. There was like a couple other guys. But Elvis was uniquely famous in a way that like until Michael Jackson came along, there was probably nobody like him or close to it or very few people like him. Imagine that poor Lisa Marie as his daughter. I can't really take Elvis seriously as an actor. Have you ever seen any of his movies? Oh, they're dog shit.

You don't take him serious as an actor, though. He's not an actor. He's a singer. That's how I feel about Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Those fuckers can't even sing. Maybe they should be singing. Maybe. Maybe they missed their calling.

Yeah. Let's cut off their nuts and see if it's too late. I wouldn't mind see if it's too late. I wouldn't mind seeing if it works. And on that note, we're going to hit the gym and work out. What time is it here? It is 3.50 here in wonderful

Melbourne, Australia, which by the way, Melbourne is the fucking shit. How great is this town? Amazing. God damn, it's fun. Last night was incredible. Alright, that was two hours. That's, it's fun. Last night was incredible. Yeah. All right, that was two hours. So that's it.

This is the end of our podcast from Melbourne. You can catch Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter. It's at Tony Hinchcliffe. Kill Tony is his podcast. One Shot. Can you announce anything? No, I can't announce it yet. Can't say anything?

One Shot. Can you announce anything? No, I can't announce it yet. Coming soon to a major internet distribution network that you all know of. Yes. That we can't say the name of. And when I get to announce it, I'm going to hopefully come back on again and talk with Joe again about more fun stuff. Yes, indeed.

Yes. All right. We got two shows tonight, two sold-out shows at some giant theater. Was it the Palais Theater? P-A-L-A-I-S. I think it's Palais. Palais, yeah. Palais Theater tonight in Melbourne.

And we're fucking psyched. All right, that's it, folks. That's the end. Anything more to say, Tony? I'd like to just say, even though this isn't out yet, good luck to Johanna Janczyk tomorrow. I'm a huge fan, and I love your striking and you know, if we accidentally end up on a date sometime,

whoopsie, but I think you really like my sense of humor and I am a little bit bigger than you, so like I know pictures of me, I look really small, but I'm like 140 pounds. So thank you and good luck.