The Joe Rogan Experience - #733 - Judah Friedlander

Episode Date: December 9, 2015

Judah Friedlander is a stand up comedian and actor and his new book IF THE RAINDROPS UNITED is available now on Amazon -- http://amzn.to/1Oj8IPZ

There's no levels, Judah Freelander. We don't give a fuck about levels. We're here to learn how to beat up anybody. That's right. You're not wearing a World Champ hat, dude. I didn't get a World Champ shirt. It says it in sign language. Oh, you crafty bastard. Yeah, these are actually the severed, shrunken fists of my deceased opponents melted onto my hat.

Now, is that a real weathered hat, or did you prematurely weather it? No, this is, I've been wearing this hat for years. Really? Yeah. Oh, okay. My mom keeps saying you should retire it no no no but i keep wearing it no it there's it's vintage now it's classy yeah it's been through battles it's been through wars you know what you could do though

for sure is you could sell those like the ones that you've worn for like a long time and people would gobble it up yeah maybe yeah let's see you know how like those uh. You know what a humiliatrix is? No. There's a lot of gals out there that make a living selling their old socks, and they'll sell various bodily fluids and excretions to dudes who have a thing for that. Yeah. We had this girl, Sierra Lynch, on recently, and she educated us on this world. It's like vintage shopping, but with a more personal touch to it. I like how you put a spin on it, man.

Yeah, I like it. That's beautiful. So you wrote this book, which is How to Beat Up Anybody. Yeah, that was five years ago that came out now. It's an instructional karate book. Nice. Yeah. How much karate have you actually studied uh well no this

this book is is basically a spoof of people who think they're great at it but are horrendous at it it's basically you know i teach you how to beat up ninjas and bigfoots but it's it's kind of like the worst martial arts instruction possible um and it's it's like a 208-page photo joke book, basically, that one. And then, yeah, this is a new book that just came out called If the Rain Drops United, which is a book of drawings and cartoons that I did, mostly single-panel cartoons. And most of them are comedy, but I'd say probably 40% of the ones that are comedy are kind of like dark satire on big issues, whether it's like... Like honest tits, lying tits?

Yeah, that's a big issue. That's a big issue out there. And it has to do with the nipples? Like you went Pinocchio? Yeah, yeah, it's basically a Pinocchio story told through nipples. That's definitely not one of the more social commentary ones in there. But I do like that one. That's a good one.

And I do like lying nipples also. Nothing wrong with them. Yeah. I like all nipples. Me too. I'm a fan. I don't discriminate. Yeah.

I've heard people say something like, oh, man, I don't like when they have small nipples or like really pale areolas. Just be happy you get to see them. Just be happy someone shows you their tits. I think we can call that white privilege. Let's call that white privilege. Fuck yeah. Let's call that exactly what it is.

But it's like, you know, whenever I hear people complaining about, like, especially like, you know, it's like you're already getting laid. What are you complaining about? Exactly. You know, it's like you can't complain about breasts. I knew this dude who was in a wheelchair. He used to play wheelchair. He used to play pool. And he was like, he was playing tournaments and stuff.

He had all these physical problems. He was really unhealthy. Was his wheelchair-ness due to health reasons? Yes. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, so he was, as a physical specimen, he was a mess. But he was addicted to prostitutes. a mess but he was addicted to prostitutes and he um would only go for ones that had really well taken care of feet okay and he had this huge issue like someone's feet were too big or if

their feet like he would like freak out about feet like he would get like almost angry like and you want to go dude you should be happy that anybody wants to just hug you yeah like if you could pay a couple hundred bucks and a girl will get naked with you like whoa and that's a score that's also a story where you really got to like give respect to the people that work in the sex industry oh yeah i have a lot of respect for them because people i think a lot of people don't understand you know what a uh difficult job that is. And think about, like, the woman who goes to him. Yeah. And, you know, she's being paid to please him.

And what does he smell like? Yeah. And then her foot's, like, an inch too long. And he's mad. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's more of a hassle than being a barista at some coffee place or something like that. Way more.

Way more. Way more. The sex worker thing is a real, it's a real issue with our puritanical culture that we have this prejudice against people that have sex with people for money. Yeah. We don't have it with any other thing that we enjoy. We don't have it with people that cook for people for money or people that give massages for money

or cut people's hair, do a bunch of things that people don't necessarily want to do. I have more respect for the sex worker, because if you think about it, we're a capitalist society. They're more capitalist than the rest of us. Really? Well, in a sense, they're using their body to make money. What's wrong with them?

In a sense, they're athletes. Exactly. Well, they definitely are. They definitely are. No, they are. They are. It's kind of weird that it's still illegal, though. It really is weird.

I mean, at a certain point in time, it becomes stupid. If it's the thing that everybody wants the most, across the board, what do people desire more than anything? At a certain time in their life, it's going to be sex. Obviously, it's food and rest and shelter. Everyone wants to have a comfortable life and good's going to be sex. Obviously, it's food and rest and shelter and everyone wants to have a comfortable life and good friends and all that stuff, but everyone who's sexually

active, whose body works, is functional, they want sex. Even people whose bodies aren't functional, they still want that. And if you look at all advertising, for no matter what product it is, it's usually sex is the subtext of what they're selling. Yeah.

So here's someone that's openly and honestly selling it, and then yet they get discriminated against. They get locked up. Yeah. They get locked up. I mean, there's task forces designed to capture them. Yeah. You know, there's my friend Brian Callen. I think he's told the story on the podcast before.

He was talking to some girl in front of a club in New York. You know Brian, he's a silly goose. And some girls were, he's like, hey girls. And they're like, hey, you want a date? He's like, a date? Well, how much would that cost? And she said, how much would you be willing to pay? He goes, $10,000.

He got pulled in for that. They literally... Were these women cops? Yes. Oh, wow. Yes. He said $10,000. Was this recently?

No, years ago. Okay. I was going to say, because street hookers you don't really see in New York anymore. But I remember 20 years ago, you know, just going into like the corner deli and girl comes up to me and she's like, hi, you want a date? And I was like, you know, the first time it happened to me and I was like, I'm like, first of all, what's going on? And then you realize pretty quickly, you know, the woman's a hooker and I'm like, no, that's okay. How hot was she? She was pretty hot. So if she wasn't a hooker, if she was just a person and thought you were attractive?

Yeah, I'd probably talk to her. Yeah, but I'm like a germaphobe. Are you really? Yeah, yeah. Like what level? Like Howie Mandel level? He's the black belt. He's the gold standard.

His is different than mine. Mine's kind of different. I don't know how his mentally works but there's different kinds of ocd and and mine goes through various phases like some people will be a neat freak because or they might lock their door five times because they're afraid they oh maybe i forgot to lock it and then someone's gonna break in uh but there's another kind where if you don't lock it, like doing it like the exact physical motions that you're supposed to, then something bad is going to happen to you that day. Like you might get cancer if you don't lock the door properly.

So that's why you might lock it ten times. It's like you'll get some kind of a hex or a jinx on you. That's the kind of thing that I have sporadically off and on. I've had it for years. Sporadically? Yeah, sometimes it comes and goes. So when does it go? When you're feeling great about life and everything's going well? Sometimes.

Sometimes you think, okay, something bad's got to happen now because things are going well. Oh, you think about it that way. I was thinking the other way. That when things are going well, you think, well, I don't have to worry about the hex right now. No, usually it's when I'm not busy. Like, you know, because then your mind, because my mind is kind of always racing, you know. So if you're just, if you're unable to just sit back and relax, then your mind, it just keeps racing.

And then if it gets on a negative thought, it just, you know, spirals and spirals and spirals. That is so common amongst comics that we were just talking about that yesterday with Whitney Cummings she has like a kind of a similar thing where she has to constantly be active constantly be doing things and I'm kind of the same way I'm always doing something yeah right right is that's like is that a comedian thing like what the hell is that yeah I don't know I mean like I like sometimes when I'm exhausted and stressed out I will go out to the comedy clubs and do two or three shows in one night and people say why are you doing that i'm

like because it's actually the most relaxing thing i do it's like being up on stage for whatever reason that's where i'm most comfortable well and also it's really fun yeah yeah and that's telling people forget it's a hell of a lot of fun i I got a chance to see Tig Notaro, Natasha Leggero, and Jim Jeffries last night. What a fucking show. That's awesome. Tig Notaro is hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the first time I've seen her live.

She's really fucking funny. Where was the show? At the improv. Oh, cool. Jim Jeffries was fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah. And oh my God, Natasha Leggero killed. Awesome. Oh, she's got this Oprah bit. I was screaming. So Yeah, yeah. And oh my God, Natasha Leggero killed. Awesome.

Oh, she's got this Oprah bit. I was screaming. So funny, man. It's so funny. But it's like to do stand-up, it's like it's, you know, it requires concentration

and you have to work at it and all that good stuff, but when you've got the bits and when you're actually like, you know, you're in the zone and everything's going well, it's so fun.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Seeing people have a great great time it's the most fun thing i do so it's what i would most like to do yeah so i did totally makes i've never like canceled the show because i was tired ever ever and the other thing is like you know i i'll feel tired when i'm leaving my house like oh i gotta fucking fire up i gotta've got to be showing an hour. But once I get there, boom. Forget it. When you're on stage, it's like. Everything's firing up, man.

It's like. And then when you're off, you want to go up again. It's such a beautiful exchange, too. You know? And particularly, I feel that way about, like, Hollywood clubs. Because you're not really getting any money. You know? Well, same with New York.

I mean, in New York City, you don't. Those are the two cities, kind of, probably in the world, you know it's not same with new york i mean in new york city you don't those are the two cities kind of probably in the world you know that where in general when you're working those two cities on a nightly basis where there's multiple comics per show you're basically you're basically working for free or very little money so you're doing it for the love of it and everyone is you know and everyone's doing it also because it's like these fueling stations like the cellar or the stand

or the store and these places where you go and all the other comics are there and we all kind of fuel fuel up. You know?

Yeah. And also comedy is something you can't practice. It's not like guitar. You can get at home stay at home be really fucking good at guitar

just by playing by yourself all day at guitar. But stand up you have to go on stage otherwise you're not doing stand-up yeah you have to go on stage also when you're working out bits because they take they take a life of their own up there like i'll write a bit out and i'll have like oh i got a great new bit i can't wait to try it right but when you're on stage that fucker just takes turns of its own yeah i think that's because your mind's at least for me like my mind's in like hyperdrive when i'm on stage, that fucker just takes turns of its own. Yeah. I think that's because your mind's, at least for me, like, my mind's in, like, hyper drive when I'm on stage. So I might, like, I always carry around, like, you know, little, you know, little, little sheets of paper with, like, you know.

That's your sheets? That's your notes? Yeah, with, like, a few, like, words on it or something. You draw on them, too, huh? Yeah, yeah. What are you drawing? Well, these are just some random, like, faces and dudes. It's all penises.

Why? No, well, that's a tongue on a dude, but it looks like a penis kind of. But, uh, so, but yeah, so I'll like,

I'll usually have a thought or like a sentence or maybe it'll be like a one liner. Right. And then I get on stage and then it'll, it gets, if it gets a laugh, then I immediately I'm thinking, all right,

how do I extend this and take it in another direction and get another laugh? You know? Why do you, do you have a ritual? Like, why do you write them on paper? Why don't you put it on your phone? Uh, I don't know. I'm just pen and paper. I'm more of a pen and paper person.

I am to remember shit. Like before every set, I have a notebook that I bring with me everywhere when I do shows. And before every set, uh, like in my hotel room, I I have a big show that night, I'll write out my bits. Really? Oh, wow. Sometimes I'll write out my whole act. I'll spend hours. Wow.

That's good. This is usually me before headlining a show. I get there right when the five-minute forum is supposed to go on, and then as they're saying my name, I pull out a piece of paper from my pocket. Go over. All right, let's go. Because I'm trying to remember a few new things.

But, yeah, I always forget stuff. I do that, too. I mean, but when I'm, I feel like that even though you don't have to do that sort of preparation, the sitting in front, going over all the material, when I do do that, everything comes out better. Yeah, yeah, no. Working, you know, I think you gotta work offstage and onstage, but I tend to work a little like, I don't know, I saw that Seinfeld documentary

and it seems like he works almost completely offstage. You know, like his act is written and then he goes up and says it. That's what it seemed like from the documentary. I do more writing I'm about maybe 60- says it. You know, that's what it seemed like from the documentary. I do more writing. I'm about maybe 60-40 where, you know, as far as offstage writing to onstage writing. Yeah, I think you need both, you know.

And people that don't write offstage, I'm always like, man, you're missing out. Yeah, you have to. Yeah. To get the most out. How long have you been doing stand-up now? I started in 89 89 and when did you become world champion that was at some point you know it's you know i'm not great at math it's one of my weaknesses but it was uh that was it you know i was dabbling in it in the i would say mid

to late 90s but it's it's changed the persona has changed so much over the years but it's it's such a weird one that you've always stuck with. Like, every time I see you, you've got a world champion hat on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's kind of like when you get knighted, like Sir Ben Kingsley. It's like he's not fighting, you know, every day, but he was still officially knighted, so he still has got the title.

And theoretically, I'm still undefeated, so I still got the title. But, yeah, no, initially the world champion persona kind of started as, when I was a kid, I was obsessed with Guinness Book of World Records, and I always used to try to break them. Like when I was eight, I tried to break the pogo stick record. I think the record was like 13 hours straight. Oh, my God. And I did it for an hour straight without missing.

Really? And an hour when you're eight is like a really long Fucking time, you know, and I was I was so bored I was a little tired, but I was so bored and and I was I was just like fuck it All right, this is not worth breaking this world record. It's amazing that it's only 13 hours I feel like that was at the time that was at the time, you know, that was in the 70s That was like in 77. There's a gang of world records that people found out were pretty easy, and they went, wait, I can do that.

Yeah. And then they broke them. I think there are. I'm sure. There are, yeah. Yeah. There's got to be, because probably people haven't even tried. Yeah.

The Guinness Book is a fat book. Yeah, it is. It is. And you can come up with a world record. Yeah, there's the group that does that, where they come up with ridiculous things that nobody else is doing, and then it would be like a light rock, you know, juggling three of these the longest you did it. And then you get a world record. Well, didn't Dane Cook, was it Dane or was it Chappelle who did the world record for the longest show?

I think they both had it at various times. And then one of them broke the other. I'm not sure who. I think Chappelle broke Dane's. I think someone else that no one's ever heard of did like 28 hours. I think it was Tommy Tiernan in Ireland. I think he did 28 hours straight or something like that. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Yeah, like, okay. Yeah, it's like, fuck it. Who wants to break that? Who's watching that show? And who wants to break that? Yeah. What does it mean?

Who wants to stay up for 28 hours straight? Yeah, there's some weird world records, man. Yeah. Like, what is it about world records? Like, I remember I wrote this article once about this guy who his world record was he had the longest fingernails ever. I remember that guy. He was in all the books when I was a kid. And his, they curl up.

And that guy has massive nerve damage in his shoulder. And has a hand that he cannot use for anything can't use for anything can't wipe his ass can't save his life yeah and he's because it's heavy it's fucked up his nervous system yeah like he's but his body's imbalanced it's like carrying a brick everywhere you go yeah a brick made out of fingernails yeah so i was obsessed with those things and then i, so I think somewhere in like the early nineties or mid nineties, I was like, uh, I started writing all these jokes about breaking all these ridiculous world records. And my act was always very joke heavy, you know,

a lot of one-liners and it was always very, uh, you know, always did a lot of crowd work. Uh, and then I started making my own hat somewhere in the mid nineties. And I first made one that said record breaker. And then I thought it would be funny somewhere in the mid-90s, and I first made one that said record breaker. And then I thought it would be funny to make a hat that said world champion, but not of what? Like, who is this idiot wearing a hat that says world champion and doesn't even say what it is? Like, you know, this is just this moron bragging kind of guy. And it was also good because then it would lure the audience in to ask me questions, and I love doing crowd work. So it kind of worked, and it fed into these, like, world record, these ridiculous athletic achievement jokes that I was doing at the time.

And then at some point, it sort of morphed, and it became not a guy who was bragging. It became like an actual real-life superhero who really is this amazing athlete and sexual creature that is just better than everyone. And he's actually just humbly stating how amazing he is you know you talk about fucking Lewis Lane you know in front of Superman without him knowing it Lewis Lane yeah that was Lewis yeah it was Lewis Lane it was uh that's actually her real name she was she's transgender a lot of people don't know that the comics because of bigotry at the time never addressed it they crossed over it yeah they did yeah they sure Wow, how rude of them. Yeah, wrong.

Lois is a weird name for a chick. I don't know any Loises. She might be the only Lois ever. Yeah, I don't know any Loises. I don't know any Loises. So then the world champion kind of became this, and that's what this karate book is. It's just the real life greatest martial artist and athlete ever to walk the planet, and who doesn't brag but is just so incredible.

And then the past few years, it's morphed some more where the world champion is, I mean, he still has that, still is the greatest athlete and stuff, but may not be talking about that, but he's become a person who is a champion of the world and for the rights of the people of the world. So recently, like the past, I started doing shows in Europe about four years ago. And it really kind of opened up my mind and my point of view. Because, you know, when you're in a bad relationship, like you can't see it, but all your friends can see it because you're like too close. Yeah.

But then if you step out, then you can like a couple years later, you're like, what the fuck was I doing? You know? So when I started performing shows like in England and other countries in Europe, I initially thought, oh, I'm going to be learning a lot about these countries. And I did that. But what I really started learning about a lot was my own country, because you were able to see how other people live,

step away from the way you've been living, and physically be farther away. So I sort of just started seeing some of the hypocrisies and the ridiculousness of, you know, just the culture and the laws that we have, the bullshit with the government. And so I started talking more about, you know, the past few years, bigger issues, whether it's classism, racism, different kinds of things. And I still try to do it from the same ridiculous and absurd angles that my act has always kind of been. But now dealing with big issues like that. you know, dealing with like big issues like that. Because I've always liked doing like dark, twisted, crazy shit, you know, in my material and finding laughs in dark places. And so now with like, if I do, if I'm doing bits about racism, I love it because I love

how uncomfortable the audience gets. Like if I'm doing bits about, like I have one bit about terminology about black people, should it be called black, should it be called African American, you should see, like usually the black people are, they're a little uncomfortable at first, but then they're fine. The white people are almost always terrified to be even discussing this. And that's where I like to, I like to get comedy out of those situations. You know, I've never been the guy who likes to get it out of the easy spot. I like going to where it's difficult uh so i've been doing more stuff like that and i also like doing it for everyone i don't democrats republicans because i don't find it interesting

like if you're preaching the choir i never find that interesting or challenging you know i like doing a bit about guns about guns and there's people on the right and the left, and they're all laughing at the shit. That's what I like doing and trying to do. So there's like a conscious effort you have when you're crafting your jokes to sort of like, or is it just like what you normally just sort of gravitate towards? Well, these are things I normally gravitate towards, but I try to do it so that I try to point out the absurdity in it and to sort of like get people to laugh at something.

And then they're realizing, wow, the fact that we're arguing over this is really absurd, you know. And so that they're going to laugh at it no matter what, you know, what their point of view is on an issue. Like, say, gun control, you know. Gun control. Because most people, because both sides, they want the same thing. You know, they want peace. You know, they want safety, whether you're for guns or against guns. They both want that.

So they have something in common. But they're so passionate about, you know, we want our guns, we don't want the guns, that they don't actually see that they actually have more common ground than they think. Right. I mean, that's not what I preach in my act. actually see that they actually have more common ground than they think. Right. I mean, that's not what I preach in my act.

But, you know, I take that, you know, that knowledge beforehand that these people actually agree more than they disagree. You know, it's how they go about solving the issue that they disagree. Well, I think when we set up two opposing camps, like the right and the left, Democrats and Republicans, you know, you almost always have these artificial barriers that are like set up in place for people reaching common ground. Yeah. Like they're already in place. Like you can't agree. It's already black and white.

It's already good guys versus bad guys. No matter which side. Your left has their ideas and you have to oppose them if you're on the right. Right. Even if they make sense. Yeah. What I think has gotten, and I think this has gotten worse, and I think some of it is due to the internet, which we were talking about a little bit before the podcast started, where it's like nuance is gone. It's like, even on the internet, on Twitter, if you say one thing, if you do one tweet and one person or one group gets offended, you are demonized forever.

It's like you can't, it's like you'll never be the same. You know, like they're done with you. It's almost like, you know, like when a five-year-old kid eats broccoli for the first time and he just goes, yuck, and then spits it out. It's like that's the way adults are now on like every big issue. Right. So you write a tweet about something. That's who you are.

Yeah. That's you from now on. It's like there's no room for discussion. It's like you're evil, you have to go. Well, it's also just taking someone and judging them based on a tweet is so precarious. Because you're dealing with 140 characters, you have a limit of 140 characters. And a lot of times, especially if it's a joke. Yeah, you know like there's so much More that you could say about that subject. Yeah, they would give like it would sort of fill it all in

Yeah, I go here's Judah's actual perspective on this right, but instead You know they take 70 characters that you thought would be kind of funny to put out right like you piece of shit Yeah, dare you say that about yeah blank you know and the fact that people come to a judgment about someone's entire being immediately and then don't even want to discuss things it's like it's like you can't progress if you can't discuss things well i think you're dealing with what you're calling progressives yeah people that many people on the left, or we're using labels

again, for lack of a better term, are more fascist than people on the right. Definitely more regressive. Fascism can come from both sides, you know, and with freedom of speech people can, and I'm someone who's, for human rights, 100%, and always

standing up for the underdog there's actually a cartoon the term fascist i used to think this too but i think the term fascist actually deals with conservative issues i think i'm pretty sure like jamie pull up the the definition of fascist yeah i'm forgetting because i've looked it up because people use it i think people use it incorrectly because they just assume it's like but i have this one uh cartoon here in the book and it's at a college campus and it says uh smoking awareness week and the right you have a good lung which is white and a bad lung which is black and underneath they say uh this poster is racist then she goes let's protest that's like the bad lung which is black is not bad because of anything to do with like

the color it's because a black lung is a polluted lung that is not healthy i understand yeah yeah but i'm saying but so some people i'm saying some people their hearts in the right place right they're misguided yes so that's what that part is why you know here we go fascist governmental system led by a dictator having a cult of racism. I've seen more than one definition. That's interesting. I've seen a different definition. Let's look at Webster's definition.

What do they say? Organized society government ruled by a dictator. Emphasizing aggression. But I've seen it written. Full definition. Let's see. A political philosophy. Centralized autocratic government headed by a dictator.

Dictatorial. That's a weird word. Dictatorial leadership. Right. But see, some of it is. Social regimentation. A certain philosophy that is forced upon people. Yeah, so that is fascist then.

Yeah. I just think there's so much with culture now. There's such this, there's the, not in the concept of discussing something. And also when you talk to people who disagree with you on something, that's when you can really learn about their point of view and your point of view. You both can learn I think also we're dealing with is there's a lot of people now that were marginalized before and didn't have a viewpoint maybe in High school and right and maybe even in college and now because of the Internet they found like-minded people They band together and they really become sort of thought bullies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah that the people

It's not about like you just said something wrong. It's like you now have to be shamed for it. Exactly. Instead of like, you know, if someone says something, you know, that's even if someone ever says anything to me about something, it's like I want to discuss it and find out why they're feeling that way. And then if I still think differently, explain my point of view to them so that they can see it.

But I don't know. People just, it's like they just want to fight. They just want to shame and fight. Well, they want to attack because they're afraid of being attacked themselves. It's almost like they want to attack first. That's a lot of what's going on. That's part of what I teach in my book, How to Beat Up Anybody, is self-offense. Do you teach that verbally as well?

Kick first. Ask questions? Never. Shame first? No, no, no. Before they shame you? No, no, no. Shame them to death, maybe? No, I don't do that. I don't shame people. No? Never? Not into that. Maybe that's what your new persona, when you morph again, you'd be a shamer. That's interesting.

You'd start shaming people for shit that's not even shameful. Yeah, I like that. Actually, I did that recently, a little bit in my act. I did that a little bit. Yeah? Where I'm sort of making fun of it. Like, as soon as when people start clapping, I'm like, guys, just stop that. That's actually offensive to people without hands.

And then I'll say, I said, I'd like to apologize for wearing a hat. That's offensive to our friends in the headless community. You know, just making fun of the people who are, like, way too... I had this woman, Christina Summers on, who's a feminist, and she calls herself the factual feminist.

She kind of fights against a lot of ridiculous ideology that's going around the quote-unquote feminist community where they're spouting false statistics and fake studies

or studies that are not real or very biased. Well, within the feminist movement, there's many different factions. And, fuck, I forgot what I was going to say. Sorry, buddy. That's okay. He'll come back to you.

What did you just say before that? What were you just saying? We're talking about there's many different factions of feminism. No, no, no, it was before that. Shit. I was talking about the headless community and not offending them. Oh, clapping. That's what it was.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. She was saying that, I'm fighting off a cold, I think. My brain's not so hot today. I think it's going around with everybody. It is. Everyone's got some kind of weird sort of cold. She was saying that she does these shows where people give speeches and they don't want people clapping.

Because they think clapping will trigger people that have been beaten before So like hearing this yeah will trigger the idea of you I read something so they all have they do jazz hands right a snap. Yeah, they snap. Yeah, I read about the snapping thing Just in time and you know the original I think when the beatniks in the 60s in New York used to do the snapping That was because they were having illegal shows and if they all applauded That would the neighbor people who lived you know on the upstairs or the next door would hear they applaud Then they'd call the cops and shut him down Really, they did the snapping because it was quieter than cat than clapping and that way they can still show appreciation.

So that was the initial thing why the Beatniks did it. Is that real? I think so. It's because they had illegal speakeasies where there were after-hour shows going on and shit. My mom used to have this really cool lamp in her house that was made with lead and stained glass, and it was from an original speakeasy from the prohibition oh wow cool i don't know what the fuck she did with that thing it was so awesome that's awesome yeah that's cool i don't know if she sold it or got rid of it or what god damn it i wish i had that though

because she had it restored and put together i mean it's like a lamp from like 1921 or something like that where where is she where My mom lives in Mexico now. Oh, wow. Cool. Yeah, my mom and my stepdad, they live in Mexico. They found this strange community of expats in Mexico.

A lot of people move to Mexico when they get older. Yeah, I think Jesse Ventura has got a place down there. Yeah, he lives in Mexico. He's a weird fucker. I want to get to know Mexico because I really don't know it

that well at all. Mexico is awesome. I love Mexico. I hear Mexico City is just amazing. It's very cool. And they have a lot of good filmmakers coming out of there now. But the pollution is staggering. Really?

Yeah, I took photos of it and put it up on my Instagram. And see if you can find one of those. You can't even believe it. It doesn't even look real. It looks like you're flying into a fire. Why have friends, like, froming and china and like oh that's even worse it's just insane i think that's the worst in the world yeah china has i think so yeah but mexico city was so bad i was getting headaches there and you smell it you smell it

when you land you're like whoa like the and apparently they say the pollution is way better now than it was a decade ago wow which is very hard to believe wow traffic there is also insane nobody the traffic lights are a fucking joke it's a free-for-all right and trying to merge like look at that that's flying in that's mexico city yeah like that cloud yeah yeah shit that is uh that's when i was driving here i just read some i just heard it on the radio. In Porter Ranch, there's some kind of gas leak. Oh, yeah? Yeah, and they just got this camera, this special camera that can see gas. And the governor, the authority said, no, it's not leaking.

And someone got this special camera that can see gas, and it's still going everywhere in Porter Ranch. And 700 families have moved out. And they're trying to fight the government and sue the government or that plant or whatever that's doing it yeah oh god because i'm like that's not that far from here new infrared video shows possible gas cloud lingering above oh whoa yeah and it's still like leaking like crazy and i'm like what the fuck that's the gas yeah that's what the special cameras that's going on now they had a big meeting last night and they said 700 families have moved out on their own like the government didn't tell them they're like they were like fuck it we don't trust you guys we're

moving out wow good for them the government is the last person you should ever listen to they're very close to here that's only like five or six miles because i'm like that gas can't be just going to porter ranch it's not like it knows six miles from there. Because I'm like, that gas can't be just going to Porter Ranch. It's not like it knows. It's probably going right to Jamie's head. Yeah. Yeah, this is fucked. But the government is all about trying to minimize the impact on the economy in these areas. Right, right.

So if people are breathing, they're not dropping dead on the spot. Capitalism wins. What is this lady doing with a mask on and sunglasses? If people are breathing, they're not dropping dead on the spot. Capitalism wins. What is this lady doing with a mask on and sunglasses? That bitch is the one who let the gas out herself. Oh, yeah, maybe she did it. Yeah. She's like a bad guy that shows up at the scene of the crime.

Look at her. I don't know how this gas got out, but we got to get out of here. Meanwhile, she's got a monkey wrench in her back pocket. Unscrewing the gas. Gas leak controversy at porter ranch yeah yeah that's not good no you know what else um isn't it was something i wanted to talk about today because it was so fucking ridiculous i tweeted it earlier today there's this um man who's a 52 year old fatherold father who identifies as a six-year-old girl. Uh-huh. And it's hilarious because I tweeted it, and it's this story about this, he's Canadian,

and this guy who identifies as a six-year-old girl. Okay. And, like, this is his thing. Yes. So he dresses up like a six-year-old and acts like a six-year-old. Yes. That's what he identifies as. Weird. He identifies as.

And this sort of, you know, people don't want to admit this but this sort of is what's going on with a lot of folks when it comes to this whole transgender thing the idea that you identify with something like being normal and healthy and this is the extreme of that. Right now, you cannot look at that and not think that guy is out of his fucking mind. But when I tweeted it, then I watched all the other people that are commenting on and online. And there's people that are very supportive of the transgender community and very supportive of transgender rights. And they've hit this wall of ridiculousness. Like, how do you respond to this now? Do you say, okay, that's enough. Well, if that's enough, is that enough?

Well, what do we do about Bruce Jenner? What do you say about this guy? What do you say about that guy who wants to be a woman? Or this guy who thinks he's a fox? Or this guy who, you know, I'm a raccoon kin. I mean, people are out of their fucking mind,

and that's something we're going to have to come to grips with in this thing that we're doing where we're trying to be progressive and we're trying to be as open-minded and accepting of diversity as possible. You're going to deal with this. I think this is awesome. I think you should go back to kindergarten, this guy. Yeah, that is kindergarten. Six is first grade

Yeah, yeah seven yeah, I went out with a girl once oh, yeah, how old how old she was? How were you you fuck no she was like? 25 26 that's a woman have you yeah, so I went out with her, but I think she had we went on a short time We know it for like a few weeks. We dated, but she had or maybe more uh I Think she had split personality disorder why is that because sometimes she was completely normal and then sometimes she it was like she had no vocabulary and would speak in broken english and like i would just be talking about something and be like yeah i saw this thing on c. And then she'd go, what's CNN?

I'm like, well, you have to know what CNN is. You grew up in New York City and you don't know what CNN is? And then another point, like I was talking about the New York Jets game. And she's like, what are the Jets? And I'm like, you grew up here in New York. How do you not know? Even if you don't watch football, you're going to see an ad that's, you know, on a bus that's driving by or something. Did you have sex with this girl? No, I didn't.

I didn't. Good for you. And so at some point, and then at one point we're sitting in my car and she's talking normal, like Queen's accent. And then she starts talking all of a sudden like in like broken English, like, hi, how are you? Oh, okay. And I'm like, what? You know, and then for a second she goes, come on, get it together, get it okay and i'm like what you know and then for a second she goes come on get it together get it together i'm like she said that to herself yeah

yeah to herself you know you know she's like talking to herself she's crazy yeah yeah and then and then she wanted to make a commitment like like like like let's get serious about what about about dating like being a couple but she wanted but she had something but she said to me she had something really serious she needs to tell me but she can't say it until after i you know say to her that i want to be in a committed relationship with her just the two of us okay so i'm like no that's the kind of shit you put out beforehand you know she's got her own rules so i so i noticed like when she would start changing her voice talking about broken english it was almost like her vocabulary got worse too so i actually think she had split personality disorder where one was like she was

like a little girl was she hot yeah she's very good looking she hung out with her fuck it who cares yeah but don't worry about it good girl yeah but interesting yeah there's people whose brains don't work so good yeah just like some people have club foot right some people have shitty brains right club brain yeah for sure cleft palate yeah fucked up brain yeah it's just you know defects dude i love your i just want to say i love the uh the american werewolf in london werewolf he got out pretty dope huh yeah that was a great shout out to pat mcgee the guy named pat mcgee he does uh special effects for um films yeah makeup so that's an incredible job he did.

Yeah, he has a mold. He makes them for anybody who wants one can get one. Really? Yeah, he does a Yeti, too. He has a big, giant Yeti. Oh, cool. He does the alien. I'm going to look him up because that's really good.

Yeah, he's really good. And that was a great movie. Well, he's one of those guys that believes in makeup, special effects, as opposed to CGI. I did that. I was into that when I was a little kid. Me, too. Oh, yeah. Really? in makeup, special effects, as opposed to CGI. I did that. I was into that when I was a little kid. Me too. I know. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was into Rick Baker. I wanted to do that for the movies. After I saw Star Wars, like the cantina scene. Yeah, yeah. Cantina? Cantina. Cantina scene.

I remember thinking, whoa, that was all a bunch of masks. But meanwhile, if you watch that today, it looks so stupid. The masks are so obviously masks. They don't move. Right, right. They're just rubber, frozen. But that scene, like, blew people away. Well, the movie did, yeah.

The special effects were incredible. I still love that movie. I think the spaceship stuff is still great in that movie. Oh, it's fucking terrible. Watch it again. Okay. I don't know. I guess I can't see it.

Because when I watch it, I just love it. Well, you know what I watched this morning? I watched it with my kid. I watched the Planet of the Apes from 2001. Was that the Wahlberg? Yeah, I didn't like that one. It was terrible. Yeah, I didn't like that at all.

But I was watching the special effects. I'm like, wow, just 14 years ago, special effects look like shit. Yeah. They look so fake. But at the time, we were like, whoa, cool. That's finally they got it. He's in space for sure. Yeah. They look so fake. But at the time, we were like, whoa, cool. That's finally, they got it. He's in space for sure. Yeah.

You know, that suspension of disbelief was, but now, like, you know, Interstellar or something like that, it's like, wow, they've got it. I don't know. Sometimes when I see stuff now, I still, like the superhero movies, it'll be like, okay, here's Robert Downey Jr. talking to to mark ruffalo and then they put on their superhero costumes and then it's like watching a cartoon right it's like i never feel like it's robert downey jr in that suit when he's flying around and punching shit yeah that's why they have to do the cutaway to his face with all the lights on it because he's got the mask right

so i still i just i kind of lose believability with that stuff. I sat down with my kids the other day and we watched King Kong, the 1933 version of King Kong. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's a great movie. It's incredible to watch what a difference movies are, like what difference it is between a 1933 movie and a 2015 movie. Yeah.

I even like the 1976 one with Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange. Well, we watched the 2005 version as well. I went back to back from the 33 to the 2005. I just showed them the King Kong scenes just so they could see the difference. Right, right. Oh, that's so cool. You're educating them in special effects. Well, yeah.

That's awesome. Well, we were watching. This is what it was. I have a TV in my car. Uh-huh. Excuse me. And we were watching Monst Well, yeah. Well, we were watching. This is what it was. You know, I have a TV in my car. Excuse me. And we were watching Monsters, Inc. And Monsters, Inc., there was a place they were going

called Harryhausen's. And Harryhausen is Ray Harryhausen, who's a famous special effects guy. It was like a shout-out in the movie to Ray Harryhausen because, obviously, Monsters, Inc. was an animated movie. Right.

And so I was explaining to them who Ray Harryhausen was, and I said, well, I'm going to show you guys some old-school animation so you get a chance to look at it. So I played them King Kong, and they were fucking howling, laughing. They thought it was so stupid. They were like, oh, my God. Like, there it is.

But see, you've got to get a video of it. See if you can pull a video of the first time that King Kong sees Feyre. Harryhausen was the king of stop-motion animation. Yeah. And he did King Kong. He did some of those Sinbad movies. It was so bad. He actually did the, I think one of the last ones, or last one he did was Clash of the Titans in 1981.

Look how stupid it looks. Yeah, it's got the strobing. And it's obvious that they're not in the same plane. You know, like him and her, they're not in the same place. And then they had the head. There was the big head that wasn't the same thing. It wasn't claymation animation. It was like a big mechanized face where the mouth opened and shut.

And then they went to this thing. Like, look how fake it looks. I don't know. I just sort of ignored it, and I still get into it. Look at the lighting, though. Look how good the lighting is, man. Well, for 1933, this was amazing. Yeah.

Like, people couldn't believe it. Like, see, they would go to this. This was the machine that the mouth would just open and close, and then Fay Wray was screaming and yelling. Even the style of acting they did was so different Yeah, talk then well, what kind of a film are we gonna make here? You know it was like the opposite of a lot of acting you see in like American indie films now We're almost like people have no energy and looks like they have no acting

They're just everyone's just walking around with a blank face. Yeah, you know here. They really overdid it They put a lot of energy into it well I think that was reminiscent or it was an after effect, rather, of doing things on stage with no microphones. Ah, interesting. That makes sense. Because when they used to have no microphones,

you used to have to project. Right. So you would have to talk like that so the back of the room could hear you. Right, and be more physical with your motions and stuff. That makes sense. And so 1933, you've got to think, well well they've only been doing movies for a couple decades back then yeah especially movies where people got to talk even not even really yeah when was the first

silent movie i think in the teens yeah silent i think in the teens i think it was the 1800s really yeah i feel like 1800 was the first silent movie. But talkies came in the 20s, I think, or the teens. Something like that, yeah. So 1933, it was all really, really new. Wouldn't that be cool? Here we go. 1891, wow. Until 1927, when the first talkie was.

So that's incredible. So you're talking about six years. Six. Six years of talkies before King Kong came out. Yeah. So they really didn't have a... I mean, that's like a 2011 movie. I mean, think about that.

Yeah. Wouldn't that be cool? I think it would be so cool to go back in time and to try to be like an actor in those times and like, you know, be in the silent movies and then crush it and then get in talkies. I mean, it was just. You would know so much. You would go back in time. They would think of you as just like this wise genius.

Oh, I didn't think of it that way. I thought about actually just living back then. Like if you were born back then and living back then. I wonder how much of a representation, how accurate the representation of people were in those films as to what they were really like in real life. Oh, yeah. No idea. Because it's hard when you see people talking like that. Say, mister, who are you? You don't get a sense of what they really

were like yeah that's interesting they might have been i think they were pretty savage yeah i don't know i don't know i think if you look at there's a bunch of stuff that happens in those movies that you don't see today like in movies or you definitely don't see on television shows first of all like domestic abuse. Oh, yeah. Men just smack the fuck out of women all the time in those movies. Even in, like, the original movie Footloose, there are scenes where the main girl is getting the shit kicked out of her by her boyfriend. Yeah, by her boyfriend, right.

And even today, if that was happening, they wouldn't actually show it. You know what I mean? Maybe, but it wouldn't be like Footloose. It wouldn't even be in the right it wouldn't even be in the in the story right right right yeah it's um it's interesting because i think when you look at something from like 1933 even though i don't think that's exactly how they behaved it gives you a window into the culture oh yeah bizarre view of people from a completely different era yeah i mean watch gone with the wind and you'll be like, wow, this is like the most racist

movie ever made. So fucking racist. It's like, oh my God. Yeah, there's a lot of those. How is that? Like, how are people not talking about this? You know what else is racist as fuck, man? Peter Pan.

Really? Yeah, Peter Pan, the original Peter Pan cartoon. I was playing it for my kids and we were like, whoa, like about Native Americans. Oh, yeah. I've seen some of those cartoons. Oh my god It's It's angering and embarrassing. Yeah, it's like you're like wow Yeah, and that was the normal shit that I saw the old Popeyes are great, too I've been watching those are great cartoons. They are great. Especially the black and white ones. Those are like

amazing. But they're so violent. Violent as hell. And very creative. And Blue Lug is always trying to rape Olive Oil. Yeah, literally like Raper. Like Kidnapper and Raper. Yeah. They don't show his hips thrusting, but apparently everything else is in there.

He's grabbing her and she's screaming. He's pulling her away. He doesn't even talk. He's pulling her away. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't even talk. He just grunts and shit. Yeah. Yeah. But the violence is so prevalent.

It's like, Jesus Christ. Cartoons were all about violence back then. And they were great. Well, the weird thing is you can still watch them, but you can never make them. Like, you can still watch Warner Brothers cartoons. You can still watch Wile E. Coyote and Bugs Bunny, but you could never make a cartoon like that. Today?

I guess. It would have to be a niche market, I guess. Well, it wouldn't be for children. No, no, no, not for kids. But isn't that amazing? That was what we grew up with. Yeah. Well, look at some schools.

They're not supposed to play dodgeball anymore. It's too dangerous. Well, we're becoming pussies dodgeball anymore. It's like it's too dangerous. Well, we're becoming pussies. They're giving kids participation trophies. The fuck is that? You know, it sucks to lose, okay? That's how you get better.

Yeah. You can't keep your kid from bad feelings. And the lower income kids who grow up lower income, they don't have that issue. Because they're like, you know, they're still barefoot and it'll be a five-year-old kid riding an adult 10-speed, you know, with no helmet on. You know, it's like, that's like when I lived way out in Queens, you'd see that shit all the time, you know. Yeah. You know, Latino kid just, you know, literally like four years old and he's on a 10-speed, no shoes, just cruising down the fucking street. Where's his parents? Yeah, you don't see them anywhere.

Just let that kid out the door. But he's fine. Jesus, most of them come back alive. Yeah. It's just about numbers. Yeah, and he was good, you know. You know, that'd be like an adult riding like a 10-foot bicycle.

Well, New York is interesting in that way that you get to see so many different styles of parenting, so many different styles of just living. All jammed into one area. Stacked on top of each other. Different boroughs, but all in the same central location. It's not as diverse as it used to be.

It's really becoming a boring kind of city. Really? Yeah. What's happening? Well, I deal with that in some of my book here, where it's like you go to one block. There's a CVS right next to a Rite Aid. And then a block away, there's a Walgreens. And then there's like CVS right next to a Rite Aid and then a block away there's a Walgreens and then there's like five banks like on that block and it's like that's all there is you know

and it's like it's like it's turning that way like everywhere it's like it's become such a wealthy city uh it's it's just become that's interesting become boring you know like even, you know, like some, you know, like when I look at L.A. now and New York, L.A. to me seems in many ways more diverse than New York does. Really? Because, you know, I think an apartment in L.A. is probably half, you know, 50% cheaper than what it is in New York, if not more. Oh, okay. So it's just sort of priced everybody out. Yeah. It's classism basically so

it's like the only people i know doctors in new york city who live in jersey because they can't afford to live in new york city whoa you know so it's like it's because the finance people make more money than anybody right you know isn't that funny yeah all they're doing is moving numbers i know yeah i talked to god because i finally steal the numbers because i was always like what do these guys do and then i finally realized that they make money. Like you do comedy, and then people come to the show, and you get paid. Like that's a service you provide.

But those finance guys, they make money. That's all they do. They don't do anything. They just find a way to make more money. That's all they do. Well, they don't even make it. Yeah, they don't physically make it. Yeah, they move it around. They move it around but take some

for themselves. Yeah. Giant chunks of it. Yeah. We made a big deal today. What'd you do? You moved ones and zeros from a non-physical place to another non-physical place? Yeah. It's crazy. But they make all the fucking money. And a lot of them are fucking barbarians. I used to work out with a lot of these guys

that became stock market guys. They became stockbrokers back in Boston. And they were fucking animals. They were savages. And then I ran into one of them, and he was wearing a suit and tie, and he looked great. And I was like, what are you doing? What the fuck? He goes, hey, I'm stockbroking now.

I'm a stockbroker. And he was just making all this money in the stock market and just doing coke and punching people. Yeah. Whoa. It's a crazy business. I mean, there's there's like no morals at all in that business and and a lot of the shit they do i think is illegal in other countries you know well it should be i mean look at what the the infamous market crash of 2008 i mean what was that all about nobody got prosecuted yeah yeah i mean it's kind of crazy if you look at, I mean, how much of the same laws are still in place that allowed them to do that. Yeah.

And allowed them to set up the whole subprime mortgage loan crisis thing. It's like, when you look at what that actually was, it was like a gigantic pump and dump scheme. Yeah, yeah. But for the whole country. Yeah. It's just crazy that no one went to jail. No one. Well, that's another thing where both parties, you know, both parties are, they're not that different.

You know, they get marketed as they're so different, but they're really not that different. You know, they basically work for whoever has the most money. I think socially they're different. Socially, that's the only area they're different. But financially, most of them are just corrupt, feeding the same shit. They don't work for people. They work for mega corporations that have billions and billions and billions. Well, that's the only way you can get into the White House unless you're a Donald Trump guy. Yeah.

Unless you have your own money where you can finance your own campaign. I don't even think he has enough money to do it. I don't even think he does. Really? I don't think so. I think the money that you're talking from these corporations is much more than he can have as an individual. And I think

the biggest reason that he's been able to get his message out so much is how much free press he gets right you know that's a good point it's like the news is always taking oh i don't know how does he keep getting how does he keep being ahead i'm like he you're all he fucking shows it's like he's getting hours of free advertisement every fucking day i've never seen a political uh campaign where they actually go breaking news trump's giving a speech in Iowa, and

they just show the whole fucking speech for an hour. Yeah, well, they're hoping he says something wacky about Muslims. Right, and that's never happened before where they actually just show an entire campaign speech, you know, and then like, wow, I wonder why the other Republicans don't have that much votes because you don't even fucking show

30 seconds of their campaign speech. To me, it seems like, and like, and I try not to watch this stuff too much until it gets down to the last couple of months of the campaign, but it feels like what Donald Trump's doing is sprinting. There's a marathon going on, and he just came out of the gate running as fast as he can. He's winning, but you can't keep that up. You can't keep that up. And the way he's talking, it's almost like he's trolling.

Like, when he said he wants to ban Muslims coming into America, I'm like, what are you talking about, man? You can't. What? You're going to ban Muslims? All of them? Yeah. You can't have a religion?

Yeah. Because, wait a minute, what percentage of the people we're talking about that are blowing things up and shooting people? Yeah. Is it even one one-hundredth of one percent? Probably not. No, it's not even. Probably not.

But you're going to ban all the Muslims that are coming? What the fuck? Yeah. He's out of his fucking mind. And then he did a speech about it. They asked him. And he goes, well, what I'm talking about wouldn't even have to be for that long. Like, what are you talking about?

He goes, just until we figure out what the hell is going on. Like, he's just speaking in these sort of vague terms. It's like, I feel like he's trolling. I don't feel like he's a real serious candidate. Yeah, you almost hope it's like in six months he's going to withdraw and just say the entire thing was like some kind of bizarre performance art thing. Just making fun of our entire media. A big Joaquin Phoenix sort of thing.

Yeah, and political, you know, arena, you know, it's just, because, yeah, the news media is just, you know, I mean, I don't like them at all. I think they're fucking horrendous, period. Well, what they are is a business. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And that's what people don't realize, yeah. They're an entertainment business. Yeah. And that's what people don't realize. They're an entertainment business. And that's what's entertaining. A guy like

Donald Trump is entertaining. But they should be labeled. They shouldn't be allowed to be called news. And I think that happened to Fox News in Canada. Really? I think they were not allowed to be broadcast in Canada unless they were called labeled as entertainment and not news.

What? Really? I think so. That's just because someone told me that recently. The girls that they have on that entertainment and not news. What? Really? Yeah, I think so. That's just because someone told me that recently. The girls that they have on that show are too distracting. Oh, okay. Too hot. Too many she demons. I think that should be the way with 90% of the news. Because it's not about giving you real news.

It's about getting viewers. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of really interesting things that are going on in the world. They're not going to cover it because it's not going to attach to your reptilian brain. Yeah. It's not going to, your mind is not going to. Just like when things are slower, you know, if there's some missing eight-year-old white girl, you know, that'll be the news story for two years. Yeah.

I mean, how many brown kids get killed every day and nothing yeah one little cute white girl with pigtails gets scooped up in a van they're finally doing that a little bit less now but for you know decades that was the main news thrust it works yeah that's the thing i mean this donald trump thing it fucking works you have that guy on tv you're gonna get people to pay attention. It's sad. It's sad, but it's... It is what it is. But I think today it's sort of opened the door for all these alternative news sources.

Yeah, if you want to get real news, you really have to put effort in. It's not going to just show up on your television. You've got to look for it. Well, the internet is a fantastic resource now because you can get all sorts of unbiased perspectives and perspectives from all these different sides. You can also get misinformation, so you've got to be careful. But there's a lot of stuff you can get all over the world.

You can go online and watch news from other countries and see how they report. One of the cool things about New York, though, as opposed to L.A., is that New York is not a showbiz-based city. Correct. Yeah. It's more diverse that way, but I tell you, more and more and more, it just feels like a finance city. I keep hearing that, man. You're not the only guy that told me this.

We had Giuliani for eight years, and then we had Bloomberg for 12. Now, legally, you're only allowed to be a mayor for eight, maximum. And then Bloomberg was like, well, I want to change things. And so they did a new vote. And it was just amongst, I think, other politicians.

And he got voted to be allowed to go a third term. That's hilarious. Yeah. Why can't Obama do that? Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, Bloomberg did it. And Bloomberg was interesting because he's a Republican and very conservative on some issues, you know, especially financially. But then on some other issues, he wasn't.

So, you know, he was good and bad. And Giuliani did good and bad things, too. You know, I mean, for the arts, Giuliani was horrendous. Was he? He was closing down. They found a loophole from some law from the 1800s about how you you can't have dancing you have to have a dancing you have to have a cabaret license if anyone's going to dance at a bar so if a couple people just if you wanted to put on if there's a bar and they have an extra

room and you want to put on a comedy show uh or something and someone's dancing in a or a sketch comedy show and someone's dancing in a skit they can shut you down yeah so he started acting laws like that so he started he started actually enforcing them he started they started enforcing that yeah yeah wow yeah what was the purpose behind that like why did he why did he want to do that what was his motivation i don't know but you know he also closed a lot of the strip clubs uh he he enacted this i think it was either the 60 40 law or the 40 60 law and for a while there was a comedy club that was, so basically, if you had a strip club, he changed the laws so that now only 40% of your place can be a strip club. 60% has to be another business.

That was a law they, yeah, that was a law they, so, so. Wait a minute. Yeah. What does that mean? Like you could sell hats? Yeah, yeah. Or, you know, you just, you just have have, like I remember for a while when they closed some of the porno theaters in Times Square. These are places that go back pre-internet, you know, where you actually go to a movie theater to watch a porno.

Because that used to be the only place you could fucking watch one. And it's just, you know, a bunch of depressed guys, you know, jerking off or waiting to jerk off, you know. And so I went to one of those after they had closed the porn and they were, it was a short period. I think it was only like a few months or something. And they were showing, uh, so they were just showing like old John Wayne movies and shit. So, and there were still just like 30 guys in there. Just, you know, most of these are guys on edge. This is like 20 years ago, guys on edge and like homeless guys just sitting there. It was, it was maybe the most depressing thing i had seen where

i think guys were thinking they were still like i'm i was wondering like do they think they're still going to show the pornos because it says it's a john wayne movie or are they just like are they just holding on hopefully that like well maybe they'll sneak a porno in there or something but it was it was one of the most depressing things I had seen. But, yeah, so they had this 60-40 law. And I remember there was a comedy club for a while that was in one of them. I can't remember if it was called String Fellows or another one. It was on around 21st Street and Broadway, which is, you know, a business and residential area. It's not like it's an area where there's just tons of porn.

So you have, like, you know, expensive apartments and other business stuff and then, oh, here's a porno place. And, I mean, a strip club,

you know, and so basically, 60% of it became a comedy club and, but they still had strippers working there and it was such a weird feeling but it was,

I'd never felt more safe at a comedy club because they still had all the bouncers from the strip club there. So it's all these guys in tuxedos, these huge dudes in tuxedos. And the stage was really high because it's designed to be looking up at strippers. And people can't grab you. Yeah. And then downstairs were lockers where the strippers were changing and shit. So you had to be seeing them down there.

How bizarre. Yeah, and then you just go through a little swivel door, and then you're in the strip club. But that didn't last too long, but they had to do that for a while because they enacted these new laws, and they had to do something. That is so strange. So this is a new law, or was it an old law that was reinforced? No, this was when Giuliani—I think the 60-40 was a new law that he enacted. But that doesn't even make any sense. But is it 60% in terms of revenue or is it in terms of physical space?

I think it was physical space. Here it is right here. A legacy of the Giuliani era in New York, the 60-40 rule forces any adult business to devote more than 40% of its square footage to adult entertainment. Yeah, there you go. No more than 40% to adult entertainment, meaning the strip clubs must fill the other 60% with non-adult business endeavors. Yeah. This is why the Penthouse Executive Club has Robert's Steakhouse and New York Dolls has a bikini bar front lounge. What an asshole. Yeah. What an asshole. What an asshole to think that he can enforce that.

Most of them just fucking went out of business. They're gone. They're just gone. What a shit rule. But I remember going to New York in like 81 and it was so cool. You would see Cats, you know, the big Broadway show Cats, and then right next to it, The Sperminator.

I just love that that variety you know that dichotomy of seeing you know the grungiest shit next to the highest end shit you know and it was just it was exciting you know but now it's just it's just corporate corporate corporate corporate corporate chain chain chain chain

yeah but almost it's almost like like Times Square is now all just chain places but now that's becoming you just see it spreading throughout the whole city. Really? Yeah. Like I overhear college kids, you know, and they're excited. They're like, oh, yeah, my dorm's so great because there's a Panera Bread right next to it. And there's a Quiznos, you know, right nearby.

And I'm just like, what the fuck, you know? It's like it's hard to even get a good slice of pizza in New York anymore really because Much harder two things happened So I'm 40 no not the six forty percent porn yeah That would be cool your business has to be forty percent you have forty percent tits yeah So what happened with the pizza is? Well first of all Manhattan and half of Brooklyn,

hardly any of the people that live there are actually from New York anymore. So you don't even like, you don't have, so you have people moving from the suburbs. So they don't really know good pizza. So they're not really New Yorkers. They're just kind of living there because they're making a lot of money now. Yeah. So instead of like, you know how LA is very transient, everyone, like I was voted most beautiful in high school.

So I'm going to go to LA and try. and try to become an actor or an actress. You know? Well, New York is now. I got good grades in school, and my dad works for this firm, and that firm hired me in New York, so that's why I'm in New York. You know? So it's changed a lot. Like, almost every girl I've gone out with in the past seven, eight years is either finance or a corporate lawyer or something like that. And because that's, that's who you meet. You know, it's like, I don't meet

anyone like here in LA. Everyone I meet is doing something in arts or entertainment or trying to, you know, and in New York, it's, that happens maybe five, 10% of the time. How bizarre. So it's just a gigantic financial city now. Yeah, and that's what Bloomberg wanted, because that's his background and his goal was to make it the financial center of the world, and I think he kind of did. When I first started doing comedy

in New York in the late 80s and early 90s, you know, because I moved to New York in 87, there was always the Wall Street guys, you know, but it was down in one area, in Wall Street. And now that business is throughout the whole city. Wow. So it's grown.

It's going to be hard to reverse. Yeah, I don't... You can sort of gentrify an area, but taking an area and making it more local and independent and getting artists and stuff in, good luck. Yeah, because I think even, I remember even years ago, comics, and some people might say, oh, this is sexist or whatever, but I think it's just guy locker room talk, but to have arguments, who's got hotter chicks new york or la i mean that's definitely sexist yeah and we don't allow that on this show yeah because you can't talk about feelings yeah so anyways so i mean so i remember you know comics we used to you know you travel around you yeah so you always have that argument who's got the hotter chicks new york and la

and some and some canada is very hot very hot so so they um uh so like it used to be like it was always close you know and then some guys would always agree with la some guys would say new york and now i think if you would have to place the vote i think la would win easily you know because uh new york you don't you don't see the variety of like you used to see women from you know all over the world so that the the you know everyone on the planet you'd see women, you know, beautiful women from everywhere. It was just, you know, you don't see this variety anywhere. But in New York, you would see it. Now you don't see it that much.

And, you know, you don't even see a lot of interesting fashion walking around the streets of New York. You used to always see that, you know, because if everyone's working in finance, that's, you, that's not the most fashionable bull group of people, you know Well, it seems like in that the worst when you in terms of like artistic people in terms of like creative people Yeah, like if that's gonna take over that's gonna be the worst for that It being for hotness you mean no, I mean for having diversity for having. Oh, yeah people for having Artistic people like that like there's a lot of industries that could move in where things could be kind of cool. Like, if the tech industry moves in. Like, San Francisco is a good example.

Right. A lot of money in San Francisco. Yeah. And a lot of people are complaining. But a lot of weird, cool shit is there, too, still. Right, right, right. Like, a lot of freaky people. Right.

It's interesting. A lot of the people in tech are unique and odd and eccentric. Right, right. You're not getting that in finance. No, no, eccentric. Right. You're not getting that in finance. No, you're not. You're not getting the creative types. No, no. And often when you meet them, you know, and a lot of them are nice, too.

You know, they usually kind of heckle themselves, you know, say they're boring, they work at a good job or whatever, you know. What are the clubs like now? Well, the clubs are doing well because you have a, you know, the city, since it's gotten safer, the tourism is up, you know. Is it a lot safer? Oh, much safer than it was 20 years ago. Much, much safer. Yeah, it's, you know, it's, you know, it's, there's not much crime there. There just isn't.

That's incredible. Yeah, you know, because, I mean, if every, if one-bedroom apartments are anywhere from $500,000 to $1.5 million, and that's a one-bedroom that's probably 70% smaller than a one-bedroom in L.A., it's like a new one-bedroom in the village in New York will be well over a million dollars. Yeah, we thought about it. My wife and I thought about getting a place here at one point in time. We're like, maybe we should move to New York. Maybe it would be a good thing. Maybe we would try something different. We were looking at apartments that were a three bedroom for five million bucks. Like, what the fuck is that? It's insane.

That's crazy. It's an apartment. You can buy two houses in the Hollywood Hills for that. Yeah. It's a fucking apartment. You don't even have a yard. You don't even have a parking spot. Yeah, and also those apartments, unlike if you buy a house, they have the building monthly maintenance fees, which can be easily $2,000 to $3,000 a month,

and that's just going out the window. So it's like owning and renting at the same time. You're right. That's a good way to put it. So for years I've been thinking about buying a place, and then I'll look for a few months,, then I'll get frustrated, I'll quit. Why do you want to stay there? I don't know.

I think for, well, you know, my folks and my brother, they're in Maryland and D.C., so I kind of want to be close to them. And I, you know, every time I come to L.A., I always, because I lived out here for a couple years in the early 2000s, I keep thinking, oh, maybe I should just move here, you know. So you know so i just i don't know where i'm at the point in my career like i don't know where i want to live you know you know it's funny even anthony bourdain is like this long-term new yorker yeah and there's like you know kind of like when i think of new york i think of guys like him sure yeah he was telling me that he had thought about it many times about

living in la yeah i'm like really it's like people are recognizing that there's like a weird shift that's going on. Yeah, well, people, I remember, you know, 15, 20 years ago, the big thing with, there's always been this sort of, you know, love-hate with LA and New York. You know, I always noticed, like, it seems like there's always, LA comics seem to have a little bit of a fear towards New York comics a little bit, or a little bit sort of like respect. I've always known, even with club owners, it's like, or even with actors you even notice, oh, a New York actor.

That means they know stage. And then even with LA it's like, oh, those New York guys, they're getting on six, seven times a night. They're just in New York because they just want comedy. They're not interested in other stuff. And I'm like, you guys are really exaggerating things a lot. It's like, first of all, you can't be doing six and seven shows a night every fucking

night it just you know once in a while you can do that but you're gonna go fucking crazy if you do that and then just geographically getting to all those spots on time is not fucking easy to do yeah unless you have bill burr to helicopter you around the city right so so and most comics just aren't doing that many you know new york city does have more comedy clubs in la but um and the city's also geographically smaller so you can't get to them but if you're doing let's say you do four shows in one night you're probably going to be spending uh to just to get to those you're going to need a cab so you're probably going to be spending, just to get to those, you're going to need a cab. So you're probably going to be spending $40 to $50 to $60 a night, and you're probably making $70.

$40 to $50 to $60 a night. Yeah, you know what I mean? So it's like there's not that much. So I also think now, compared to when I lived here in the early 2000s, the comedy scene in L.A. has grown. I think it's very healthy here, and i think it's much better the store is like rocking every night and they got fire and they got three rooms and they're all great fucking rooms with each and each one has a different personality do you know what's crazy this year is the first year the store has been profitable in like forever wow this year this last year

it's crazy i mean adam's done uh you know he's the best he's the best job i fucking love that guy it's so cool having a guy who's like the talent coordinator who's just a regular like he's my friend yeah i'd hang out with that guy it's very rare that anything like that ever happens he's the best he's the best but you know I mean of the two cities in America You know LA and New York has the most comics and the best comics, you know where there's a really underrated scene where Denver I you know a lot of good comics come out at Denver. I believe that yeah Dan Soders from there Can't think of who else right now. That's Wendy Curtis, one woman. Right, right. She's the best. Yeah.

She's an animal, that chick. She's owned that place forever. She started working there as a waitress at the Comedy Works. Wow, that's awesome. And then she established, when she started taking over, she established like a whole system, like an open mic system. Right. A system of taking people from open micers to making them MCs,

to making them middle acts, making them headliners. She's got like locally made headliners. That's got, like, locally made headliners. That's awesome. Like, legit comics that go on. They go on the road, and it's amazing. Well, I think that point you bring up is interesting, because I think, you know, years ago, you know, there were, like, a few main cities, if you wanted to be different

or do something entertainment. There's pretty much Newark and L.A., and now it's like there's – or even if like let's say, you know, 40 years ago if you wanted to be gay, you would move to one of the big cities. Right. But now it's like every city has their gay communities, even like Little Town. Buffalo has a big gay community. Don't you think that's the internet is a big part of that? I do.

People find each other. Yeah, yeah, I do. I do. And I think just, but I think that, the fact that other places have gotten better is also another reason New York has gotten more generic.

Right. Because if you were a freak, if you were a weirdo and outsider, people would be like, move to New York, move to the big city, get away from the small town.

Now, you can find cool shit in your small town. Right. So it's not attracting that as much as the interesting peoples it used to, for that reason, which is great, you know. But then the finance thing,

and then with everything being so expensive, I actually think there's, L.A. has a lot of interesting people moving to it and living in L.A. I think L.A. has a lot of cool shit going on in entertainment and in art. Yeah, I think so.

Stand-up comedy, I think it's the best place right now. I think it's the best place as far as the amount of talent, the amount of really high-level people there, and the amount of really good clubs. I think it's the best spot. It's hard. Yeah, I couldn't say which city's better.

They're both excellent. New York still has more clubs. They're a different kind of club, though. They're smaller. Oh, they're much smaller. Smaller stage. Much smaller. That smaller stage also lends itself to a different style of comedy.

It does. It does. More personal, more like, where are you from, sir? That kind of shit. That's physical. Less movement. Small stages. I like comics in general.

I mean, these are big generalizations, but in general, a little more physical. Yeah. So it's, you know, it's interesting. I don't know. But I think all three of the main clubs are doing quite well in LA. Yeah. No, they definitely are. The Laugh Factory is not doing that good.

Oh, it isn't? Okay. Yeah, you can go to the Laugh Factory on a many a night and it's half filled. Really? Interesting. Because when I lived here in the early 2000s, that was like the happening club. Yeah, it's dropped off. And the improv and the store were kind of struggling.

The store and the improv are killing it right now. The improv has two clubs now. I know. I did their little room when I was here last month. It was great. Yeah, it's really cool how they've set that up. That's a smart move, the way they've done it. That's how it used to be a long time ago.

Oh, really? That's actually where Ari Shaffir started off his powerful Ari Shaffir t-shirt. I know. I saw that. Ari Shaffir started off his powerful Ari Shaffir t-shirt. I know. I saw that. Ari Shaffir started off his, uh, this is not happening show. Oh,

I didn't know that. Yeah. Okay. He started off in the annex, which is like this little side room. Right. Right. And he nurtured it like this.

That show that he has on comedy central is a genuine hard work success story. Yeah. Yeah. Because what Ari did is he had this concept and his concept was, um, this will be a good way to generate new material if Instead of being under the pressure of like punchline punchline punchline doing a stand-up sense Let's do something where you just tell stories right like here's a crazy fucked-up story that happened to me and now that story

Maybe there'll be some jokes right maybe those would be some something that I could mine. That's cool That's so he he did that and then eventually went to do it on the web, did it on the web and then eventually Comedy Central picked it up and now it's on its third season. It's killing it. That's awesome. It's amazing. It's beautiful. And it's just a matter of

growing, you know? Putting it together, nurturing it, it grows. Nurturing it more, it grows. Well, that's the other thing. Just being able to have space, like LA. Like New there's no space here there's space you can you can grow exactly you know even if you look at podcasting i mean i'm not an expert on this but it seems to me that it started basically in la it's an la kind of movement the podcasting if you look at the big podcasts for comedy yeah you know it's la i remember like when i would when i first started coming out here in like like probably like late 90s early 2000s it was weird it's like

comics would come the story like about new york comics they'd move out here and they basically just stopped doing comedy because it was too hard to get on weren't enough places to get on and then before i know it they're just going out every once in a while or every week you know getting drunk and doing karaoke that was like the thing yeah it seemed like there was a lot of comics were always going out doing karaoke like when i first moved here came out and they're like who the fuck were you hanging out with i don't know there's a lot of fucking comics that were doing that and i'm like i'm like no one of those people i'm like no i don't want to fucking do karaoke i want to do comedy i'm not coming out here to do that shit you know but then at some, it's like, and also there's more free time out here.

Like New York, you're constantly, I'm not talking as a comic, just as a person. You're constantly rushed. It's just a busy city. It's so congested. It's hard to relax. Here, you can relax. You got space. You can get privacy.

You can relax. Like when people in New York go on vacation, they usually want to do something boring. When people in L.A. go on vacation, they want to do something exciting. Ecotourism. You know what I mean? Paragliding. Yeah. So there's more.

But I really like – and the audiences are a little different between New York and here. But New York really only has, even though it has probably 15 comedy clubs, there's probably only about three that are actually good clubs. I think it has a lot more than 15. I think New York has a shitload of comedy clubs. Yeah, I don't know. I think there's more than 100. No, no, no.

Not full-time comedy clubs. Find out, Jamie. How many comedy clubs are in New York? I don't know. It's a lot, though. Hedge your bets. What do you say? What's the over-under? I'm going to go 19.

I'm going 50. Okay. I went with 100 just to be cocky. But I'm going to say there's 50. But L.A. has, I mean, if you look at L.A., they probably have like eight now, right? Well, in the greater L.A. area, there's quite a few. Like, you know what's really good? I just started doing the new Ha Ha Cafe in North Hollywood.

They have a new one now? Yeah. Dude. I did it last Thursday night. Yeah. Dude. I did it last Thursday night, and now I'm doing it this Thursday night again. Oh, awesome. It's fucking incredible. What a room. I got to swing down there.

It's perfectly set up. Low ceiling, packed in. Oh, awesome. Great stage size. Because I used to do that years ago, that place. I did the old one. Yeah, every time I went there, the stage was in a different spot. The guy was constantly redoing it.

So I got to check that out. The old one is just down the street from the new one. Just down the street. Is it still there? Yeah. Yeah, it's still there. So there's two of them. Yeah, but one of them's a ha-ha, one of them's something else now.

It's like a different company club. Same owner or no? I think he still owns it. He leases it out to somebody. But the new spot is a gem. The new spot is one of the best clubs in the city. Awesome. It's perfect.

I was like, wow, this place is fucking hopping. That's cool. Yeah, I did it last Thursday, and I was like, wow, I'm sold, man. I will nurture this place, keep this place going. That's awesome. When I prepared for my last Comedy Central special last August, I was doing the ha-ha all the time. Oh, cool. I was doing it like every Tuesday night for like a few months.

And you were doing like a long set, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can fuck around there. You can do long sets there. That's great. Then there's flappers, which I don't do. I haven't done that yet in Burbank, yeah. I've done it once.

It was really good. But, you know, you can do that. The Ice House, which I'm doing tonight. I have a 10 o'clock show there tonight. Oh, cool. Awesome. That place is the shit. Yeah, everyone loves that. I haven't been there yet.

You haven't been? Not yet, no. Are you around tonight? I don't think I can tonight what time is the show? I think people down 10 o'clock. Okay, but tonight it's sold out. It's Greg Fitzsimmons Tony Hinchcliffe Bert Kreischer cool and Who fuck else I wrote Al magical too. Oh cool

Hell of a show god damn it. Yeah, the Ice House is the oldest comedy club in the world. The known world. Is it really? Maybe the universe. The whole universe. The oldest comedy club in the universe. It's all in the improv. Yes. It's the oldest place.

It was a legitimate ice house, like where you would get ice back when people didn't have freezers. Yeah. Or you'd get a chunk of ice and you'd put it in the ice box and it's going to keep your food perishables. Yeah. Cold. And then in the 1960s, the very early 60s, it became a comedy club. So it's been a legitimate comedy club for more than 50 years.

That's awesome. Yeah. It's the best. That's my favorite place on the planet. Next to the store. Yeah. The store is different in a different place because it's like this crazy psycho energy gym where you know you're fucking around you're working and yeah and you'll bring up you know there's like a million great comics you're bringing up being edwards and this guy and that

guy and it's like it's just just you look at the lineup and it's like 13 murderers yeah yeah no it's great it's it's uh yeah i i enjoy doing, the audiences are always, it seems like they're always like a, I can't quite put into words what the differences are, but they're always, the West Coast in general, like a little bit different than East Coast audiences, but. East Coast seem to be more cynical. Yeah, more cynical, a little less squeamish, like the darker shit a little bit more sometimes, but not always, you know. Well, I think that just the cold and the just the cold and being packed in and everybody just jammed on top of each other.

They're like, fuck you. There's more anger there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, or they let it out more sometimes. Sometimes I think there's more anger in L.A., but it's more pent up. There's something about New York, though, when I stay there. Whenever I'm staying there and I'm in a hotel and I look out the window and I just see this insane construction, this thing that people have put together, this modern beehive of cement and steel and glass.

I'm like, this is amazing, especially at night. Last time I was there, I spent a good solid two hours just sitting at the desk in my hotel room, looking out the window. Just looking. Just looking around. Where did you stay? I don't remember which one. Oh, last time I was at the Trump Tower. But I stayed at a bunch of different...

At Soho. Yeah, the Soho one. I stayed at a bunch of different places. But I forget which place I was at. I was at one place once where I was in the middle of all these buildings, and it was freaky. You look out the window, you're looking at somebody else, and they're looking out the window.

There's fucking buildings stacked on top of buildings. It's hard to get privacy. How many people watch people fuck in New York? It's got to be really common. There was a Radiolab podcast about that. It was really strange. It was about this woman, and she was telling the tale of how she watched this couple and she would watch this couple all the

time and it made her kind of feel weird about her own relationship because this couple they were young and they would fuck all the time and they would they didn't have the curtains drawn they would just and she would just watch these people fuck and then the guy got sick and then like the family would be over and she was watching this guy wither away. And then he died. And then they carried him out of the building. And she saw this? Yeah, over the course of years.

I would have stopped watching a long time ago. Well, it was her window. That was her view. It's like I look out my window, and there's a tree that I like to look at. Right, right, right. That couple. So she ran downstairs as they were taking the body out and putting it in a hearse. And she made eye contact with the girl who lived with the guy.

And they'd taken the body out. And she just felt like such a creep. But she also felt like she knew them. Yeah, she had a relationship. Yeah. They did it with her, but she did it with them. Yeah, that's a uniquely New York thing to happen. Because anywhere else like you'd be a fucking creep like you'd have to be some guy Well, she's still a fucking creep

But yes, I see what you're saying is she I don't think she is I think she's just looking at her world look I don't think it's her responsibility to look away when some people are fucking and they're 30 yards outside of her window And they're yeah, they're in a window themselves yeah yeah they're on display yeah well we're pretending you're right windows are meant to be looked through looked out of and looked into yeah you're correct it works both ways i don't think she's a creep at all i think she's looking at her world but it was interesting how she had she she was really good at narrating this and it sounds great Sounds great. Yeah. I think it'd be a cool movie. Well, I don't know about that.

I'd depress the fuck out of you, I think, because in the end, the dude dies. Yeah. There's no heroes in that movie. But she ran downstairs and made eye contact with the people. And they were like, who the fuck are you? And she's like, oh, God, I realize. They don't know me, but I know them. And I'm a creep.

I got to get out of here. And then she took her off. But that's super common in New York where people like, oh, there's the guy. There's the guy who practices the trumpet. There's the guy who jerks off. Yeah, I wish I had, I don't have any neighbors like that,

but that sounds awesome. Do you look out your window? Yeah, there's definitely a building. There's like an expensive building right behind mine. And you look at it? You can just see everyone's stuff. But I hardly ever look out. Why wouldn't you?

You don't look out at those people? Because they'll be able to see me. And it freaks you out? Yeah. Just put your world champion hat on. Yeah, then if I get recognized, they'll be blogging about you or tweeting about you. Hey, you're that guy from that show. Yeah, why are you looking at our fucking apartment?

Hey, what show are you from again, man? What show is that? Yeah, so it's just... Are you looking at our fucking apartment? Hey, which show are you from again, man? Which show is that? Yeah, so it's just... Are you a world champion guy? Oh, I lost my thing. An unplug? Yeah. Yeah, that thing.

We got to fix that, Jamie. That's happening way too often. I got it. I got it. It's all good. Look at you on the ball. Yeah, that's a weird way of living. Yeah.

Stacked on top of everybody. Yeah. Like everywhere else in the country, pretty much, other than, you know, Chicago and some other spots, most people are sort of, they have a house and a little bit of a yard, and then there's another house over there and a little bit of a yard. Yeah, you get some privacy. It's weird how, like, they just decide one area is the area. Like, everybody get here.

Get here. It's not like there's a river that has gold salmon swimming through it. Initially, that's what it was. I mean, if you look at almost all big cities, they're usually on some body of water. But now, that's not really why it is. It's just, yeah. Well, there's other places that don't have a reason other than the fact that they're cool, but people are fly. Like Austin, Texas.

Right, right. The middle of Texas. but people are flocking to like Austin, Texas. Right, right. The middle of Texas. And every time I go there, I'm like, Jesus Christ, did 1,000 people a day move here for the last 15 years? Like, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah. But that is what's happening there. Like, people are, they keep hearing, like, I'm fucking up right now by saying Austin's awesome. Right. It is an awesome city. No, they've been doing that for years, where the people who are from there are like, fuck, stop telling people about it.

Yes, exactly. Because it's getting too crowded now, you know. And that's the thing that are from there are like, fuck, stop telling people about it. Yes, exactly. Because it's getting too crowded now, you know. And that's the thing that pulls people there is the university. Yeah. That's another thing that pulls people, like like-minded people, intelligent people, educated people. And then they're also like, it's out of all of the areas in Texas, it's the most open-minded, the most diverse.

Right, right. Yeah, no, there's a-minded, the most diverse. Right, right. Yeah, no, there's a lot of good food there, too. Oh, yeah. Texas has great food, period. Fuck you. I don't think you can get a bad meal in Texas. You can definitely get a bad meal in Texas. Really?

I haven't had one. You can do it. I'll get you there. Okay. I'll get you one. Do you work in Texas at all? Yeah. What clubs do you do?

Cap City? Cap City. I'll do the moon tower festival haven't been there in a while but the club in Dallas or Addison Addison that's a really good club yeah Houston used to be this shit yeah years ago but yeah I don't really go there anymore I haven't been there in a while he I've done colleges in around you know all over Texas so you still do colleges that's like a big debate with comics these days a lot of comedians don't want to do colleges anymore

because it's just too difficult too much politically correct attitude yeah i don't really have a problem with it i really haven't had a problem before i go on uh or you know sometimes before i agree to do it you know i ask them you know if there's any restrictions and sometimes there's no restrictions at all. Sometimes there are. What are the restrictions that you... Well, usually they never give it to you. They'll be like, well, we want HBO.

No, that's a... SNL's fine, but not HBO. I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? Who says that to you? Yeah, sometimes people running shows or whatever. They'll be like... Really? They'll be like, you know, rated R but not rated X.

I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? You know didn't go i need specifics like i go can i say fuck can i say pussy can i say i remember i did a show this is like early on when i first started it's probably like 91 or something like that i did a show i think chris mazzilli booked it who owns gotham club in new york good dude Yeah, yeah. He was booking a show that was way out in Brooklyn in an all-Orthodox Jewish neighborhood. And it was a show where the rabbis, it was in an

Italian restaurant, an Orthodox Jewish, it was a kosher Italian, like, seafood restaurant, I think. What? Seafood restaurant. How is that even possible? So everyone there is Orthodox Jewish, or even they had a fair amount of hasidic jewish people there and the rabbis in the room and they had a sheet printed out of all the subjects and words you could and could not say it was like don't say

schmeckle don't don't say sex don't mention sex you know all these fucking things you know i'm early on so it's like i think it paid 25, you know, it's like an hour train ride out into Brooklyn. I'm like, fuck it, I'll do that shit. So, and it was, you know, it was not a good show. But I just remember that thing and how like, okay, they spelled out every fucking thing that you could not say. So it was very clear. So there's never a controversy. So when I do a college, I'm like, what can I say?

You know, what can I say? What can I not say? Can I do any jokes about it? Because I've done Catholic colleges. Can I do a joke about abortion? Can I do a joke about gay marriage? I have some bits about gay marriage. And with the Catholic Church, that's a big thing.

So I'm like, I need specifics on subject matter and words. What is it? And I get that, and then everything's fine. But you've got to get that shit clear. But is that fine with you right now? Like if they gave you a list right now and they said, okay, look. Oh, some I pass on. No, some I pass on.

What have you passed on? I can't remember. I think there was a Jewish gig I passed on because it was, I think it was just um i can't remember what it was but it was it was for some it was a very specific group and it was just i knew there was like there were like so many things you couldn't you'd have to give like this you know they should have just had a kid playing the flute or something it's like don't even have a fucking comedy show you know what i mean now have uh some 10 year olds tap dance or something. The kosher place. I wish you took a photo of the rules. I think I have it somewhere. Where?

At home? I'm a pack rat, so I'm hoping I have it somewhere. I've got to look through my notes. Please, if you have it, email it to me. I will. I'll put it up on Instagram. I will. But it was amazing.

That needs to be displayed. But I understand that even when you do, if know, if you're going, if you're doing like even with late night talk shows on television, I will usually pass on doing stand-up on those. And if I can, I will do panel. Right. Because in stand-up, there are going to

be so many things in my stand-up act that I have to cut something, I'll have to not say a word or a certain subject matter, and I'm like, I don't want to cut that out of my stand-up. I don't want not say a word or a certain subject matter. And I'm like, I don't want to cut that out of my stand-up. I don't want to censor my stand-up act at all. I want to do zero censorship with it. But if I'm doing panel and then want you to do some bits on the couch, it's a little bit of a different dynamic. And it's like, I'll more likely do that. I'd rather censor it there than do it in my stand-up act. Well, it's also interactive.

Right, exactly. So it's a little bit different. And you're a guest on their show, and these are their rules. So if I know that going in, I'm fine. But with those talk shows, when they want you to like, oh, can you not say this word on that stand-up bit or not that – I'm like, fuck it, I'm out. I'm not doing it.

I'm not doing any censorship with my stand-up. Yeah, that's why I would say doing these shows where they tell you... Yeah, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, that's all right, go ahead. No, they pay a lot. Colleges pay well in general. And I weigh it. And I'm like, all right, if this is going to be it, this is what it is.

I did a show at Princeton a few years ago. And this is a different issue. And it was, I mean, a lot of the crowd was like a shitty audience. They were like, you know, not all of them, but a fair amount were very, very spoiled, very entitled, and drunk as shit, and they're heckling. And normally, I would just fucking destroy them, but I'm like, if I heckle one of these kids, and I fucking rip them to shreds, in my head I'm thinking they're going to write a fucking letter.

And then a nasty letter saying, oh, you did all these things. And then they're going to tell all these other colleges. And then I'll fucking stop working them. So I handled the heckler, but not how I would normally handle it. That is why people don't want to work colleges. No, I get it. I get it 100% when people don't want to work colleges. No, I get it. I get it 100% when people don't want to do that. It's not worth it.

I usually find a way. And the ones I've done this past year, I haven't had to censor anything that I do. They've all been really good. But that does happen sometimes. I'm dealing with a lot of people that don't have a lot of real life experience. They're very young. I've often said a 50-year-old janitor will have a better sense of humor

than a 19-year-old Harvard student. Because, first of all, comedy IQ, comedy smarts doesn't necessarily have anything to do with book smarts. And real life experience is huge. Sometimes I find college audiences to be almost more narrow-minded than even someone in high school. Oh, yeah. Because someone in high school, even though they're a couple years younger than someone in college, they don't have that.

Because usually when people get to college, they kind of think they know everything. But in high school, they don't think they know everything. Right. But in college, they do. So it's like they can never be wrong. Well, they're ready to establish themselves as independent adults right they're ready and they're ready to reinforce their ideas on you excuse me yeah what you're saying is bullshit yeah the patriarchy right but i also i also make fun of that shit you know when i'll do colleges you know if that shit comes out i make

fun of that shit you know so that shit is important to make fun of that's a that's a goddamn cancer thought yeah yeah well that's what that one cartoon in the book is. I mean, it really is. It's like thought cancer. It's like there's a disease. There's disease of fake progressiveness. It's really just calling people out on things and finding targets. Well, it's kind of like when a kid's young and he's first learning about you know curse words and dirty words he's

just saying them constantly doesn't even know what it means so sometimes when when people are trying to like stand up for something uh and this is a new thing this activism is a new thing to them they don't really know they may not be that good at it yet or like their heart might be in the right place but they're being misguided and they're fucking shit up. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. So I think, and then sometimes, and this goes back to what we were talking about earlier, where people never think they're wrong, and it's okay to be wrong.

My opinions change on things over the years, and I enjoy listening to people. Like I did a show in Columbus, Ohio at a comedy club there. I forget. I think it's a Funny Bone or something. i did a show in columbus ohio at a comedy club there i forget i think it's a funny bone or something i did a show there it was the weekend that the trayvon martin case was going on with george zimmerman and the uh it was i did it was a show black jokes no no but i have jokes about gun control you know and so and it was it would the verdict came down that night and the show's going on and then the next day and and i still did my bits about it and i'm talking to guys afterwards and there were a couple guys in the audience a black guy and a white guy who were all

super pro-gun and they both work for the biggest online gun seller in the country and it was just very cool you know talking with them afterwards and getting, you know, their insight as well as people who want strict gun control. So it was just it's interesting. You know, usually things aren't, you know, they're a lot more nuanced than you think they are. And there's a lot

of issues. I just did a gig in Buffalo and the waiter at the comedy club was like, hey, I won't see you tomorrow on Saturday because hunting season starts tomorrow. So me and my dad are driving out to the woods and we're going to be hunting all day. And then the Uber driver who took me back to the airport was also hunting. And then he was telling me all the rules they have in hunting, like bullets can only be a certain size and your rifle,

you're only allowed to have three bullets in there. You're not allowed to have three bullets in there. You're not allowed to have five bullets in there. And it's got to be certain bullets that shoot through clean so they don't, if you hit it in the wrong place, it's not going to fuck up their whole leg. All these kind of things that you don't even realize that are out there. What kind of bullets are these? What the fuck are you talking about? Well, I think it's kind of like with fishing. There's a lot of fishing laws where your hook is not allowed to have,

I forget what they're called, like the little daggers that go along the side. Because when you pull it out, the barbs, you don't want to be fucking the fish up. No, what that is is for catch and release places. Right, right, that's what I'm talking about. But there's no catch and release with bullets. No, but there was something he was saying about, but it was a similar dynamic with the catch and release stuff with the hooks. Well, you can't have hollow point bullets, if that's what they mean, but those are mostly for pistols anyway.

There's lead ammo versus copper ammo, but really the impact is environmental. They're worried about birds eating the lead. Okay, okay. That's an issue. Right, okay, but what you're saying are things that most people don't even know exist, which is part of the conversation in gun control. Right. I think the gun control conversation and the hunting conversation are very different

because I think what people are really concerned about when it comes to gun control are quote-unquote assault weapons. They're worried about what happened in San Bernardino, somebody having large magazines, semi-automatic weapons, killing a bunch of people. Also in cities versus suburbs and rural places, it's totally different. Sure. If a rural area and people are like, well, everyone owns guns, that's a hell of a lot different than if you're in a city and on one block you have 10,000 people living. Right.

If you have 10,000 guns within 30 yards. If you have 10,000 guns, you know, within 30 yards, that's a lot of fucking guns. Yeah. You know, that's a different dynamic. Yeah. And, you know, so I don't know all the answers. I think one of the things you were talking about earlier, about, like, these people that are activists,

that really have their heart in the right place, they're just learning how to do it right, I think that you could say that overall about what's going on with the Internet in general. I think one of the big problems that people are having right now with progressive thinking and what people are calling regressive left, like people that are like very overly PC and trying to reinforce. I think what we're trying to do is make the world a little bit better and a little bit safer and a little bit more open-minded. But along the way, there's going to be a lot of stumbling blocks, and there's going to be a lot of poor representations of these ideas. Sure, and you see it from the right, too.

I mean, with Trump and some of the things he's saying, it's like some of these things are— He's so cartoonish. Yeah, but everyone—but even like what he's doing is similar to what happens sometimes on the left, where everyone is so confident about their idea. And they think this is the only way. And it's like, it's usually a lot more complex than that. Yeah, almost always. Almost always more complex than that. There's a lot going on.

There's a lot going on with human interaction. And I think ultimately, like, we should probably try to leave people alone as much as possible, let people do their own thing as much as possible, as long as what their own thing is, isn't interfering with other people's thing. I agree 100%. So that way, when someone, something like radical ideology, like Islam, extreme, you know, Muslim terrorist type characters that are doing what they did in San Bernardino and these other places, you gotta go, okay, well, now it's a problem. Because now, you know now someone has stepped in, killed a bunch of people, and they've done it with guns.

So we have these issues. We have these issues of radical ideologies, and we have these issues of guns. And we also have mental health issues. And that's a big one that drives me fucking crazy, that every time someone is a mass shooter and kills a bunch of people, the gun control issue comes up over and over again. But what about the fucking mental health issue?

Because the mental health issue is as big an issue as anything else. There's a lot of people in this world with guns. There's more guns in this country than there are people. But relatively speaking, there's very few mass shootings when you consider the amount of human beings. So what the fuck is it that makes people pop? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, the stuff I've read recently says that gun shootings in general now

are lower than they were 10 or 20 years ago, but mass shootings are up. Yeah. You know. Murder is down. Murder is the lowest murder rates. I tweeted this the other day. Lower than they have been in the last 50 years and maybe even ever. Interesting.

But mass shootings, there's more of them. Yeah. I don't know all the reasons. I don't think anybody knows. They also get publicized now in a very instantaneous way. Social media, Twitter. I mean, I remember when the San Bernardino thing was happening, I just started seeing tweets. That was the first thing. Yeah. You just immediately get, oh, my God, I remember when the San Bernardino thing was happening, I just started seeing tweets.

Yeah. That was the first thing. Yeah. You just immediately get, oh, my God, something's happening in San Bernardino. What's going on? Hashtag San Bernardino. Yeah, it's trending, right? Yeah.

Trending. Trending is a weird word, right? Yeah, it's very weird. You don't want to be trending. No. You don't want to be trending. No. Judah.

Judah world champion. Hashtag Judah world champion. If that was trending. Yeah. That's not bad. Yeah. Judah world champion hashtag Judah world champion if that was trending yeah that's not bad yeah well Judah world champion

rape case no that's not good that's not good not good but no that you know I don't know all the answers

nobody does that's the reality but I do know that it needs to be discussed and with an open mind and intelligently, and people need to hear other people's ideas.

All sides. You know what's fascinating? When a mass shooting happens, one of the big winners is the gun business, the gun industry. Oh, their sales go through the roof. Through the roof. Because everybody's scared that the government's going to take their guns. Yeah. So everybody starts buying guns and buying boats. I remember those gun salesmen in Ohio when I did that gig.

They said, through the roof. Yeah. It's also, they always like to point out that those things don't happen very often in places where you have open carry. There's places where anybody can have a gun. You can take a gun anywhere you want. It's very rare that you have these mass shootings. Right. You can take a gun anywhere you want.

It's very rare that you have these mass shootings. But, I mean, if there is a mass shooter, if there's someone that's shooting people, what do you want? Do you want everyone to be unarmed or do you want everyone to be armed and just having fucking crazy gunfights? Like, what is the answer? I don't know what the answer is. Yeah, I mean, do you really want to live in a society where everyone has to carry a gun? Where you're just walking into Walmart with a fucking AR. Yeah, you want to give all... Yeah, at what age would you be required to have a gun?

You know, is it like when you get your driver's test at 15 or 16? Is that when you get your gun also? Or do you get your gun when you're six? Well, that's another problem is how easy it is to get a gun as opposed to how easy it is to learn how to drive a car. If you're driving a car, you have to go through a lot of hoops and you have to learn how to... As it should be. As it should be. You don't have to do that with a gun how to drive a car. If you're driving a car, you have to go through a lot of hoops and you have to learn how to... As it should be. As it should be. You don't have to do that with a gun.

That's a problem. It's a real problem. You don't have to show competency. They don't have to test you on your marksmanship or any of that. I think Colbert just did a thing the other night saying you have to show more ID to get Sudafed than to get a gun. Well, especially ammo.

There's more restrictions on Sudafed than there are on gun. Well, especially ammo. There's more restrictions on Sudafed than there are on ammo. That's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, I had to buy some recently, and when I bought it, they had to get my ID, and I was like, what? Like, you have to write down someone's ID when you buy Sudafed. Yeah, and that never used to be that way.

In the 80s, you just go buy Sudafed. Oh, yeah, until they figured out how to make meth. That's what we need to do. Go back to the 80s. No internet. buy Sudafed. Oh, yeah. Until they figured out how to make meth. That's what we needed to do. Go back to the 80s. No internet. Everyone was stupid. No internet. The internet's the fucking problem.

Yeah, the internet has recipes for how to make meth from cold syrup. Yeah. Remember when you started doing comedy? Did you ever think you were going to have to be doing tweets and shit like that? We were talking about that before the show. We were both tweeting. Like, yeah, no. I mean, it's a prerequisite.

If you want to be a successful touring comedian, you have tweet you have to facebook you have to i do three things facebook tweet instagram those are my three things okay i don't really do facebook anymore i just couldn't i just kind of i did instagram twitter i just started doing periscope a little bit but i gave up on periscope usually i've done a, and each one was me on the road in a city, and I have no car. So I'm just walking a mile to the closest CVS or gas station supermarket to buy some groceries. So on the 20-minute walk, I'll be like, all right, I'll just fucking Periscope this shit. Why don't you just rent a car? That's a good point, but then I'm not really going anywhere.

Go places. Not really, because I usually, on the road, it's like I have to get up early to do morning radio. I got shows late at night, and I'm usually too tired to do anything during the day. Why don't you take some vitamins? Eat some healthy food. I do eat healthy food. No, I eat healthy food. I don't do vitamins, but I do healthy food.

When you're on the road, do you bring your own openers? Not usually. I'm not at that point in my career where I can really, I'm not making enough money where I can do that. I need to get up another rung on the ladder, and then I can be doing that. I think I'm just below that. You run a successful television show, though, right? I know, but I never translated anything into successful business.

Just didn't do it? I don't know. I'm just not a good business person. Yeah. Just didn't do it? I don't know. I'm just not a good business person. You know, it's like, I remember, like, I remember, you know, just doing this one show where, like, it was a road show and a bunch of comics were on it. And, like, there's two comics who are, like, they don't even have the better of the sets.

And they're selling T-shirts. They got their CDs. They're selling left and right. And me and another couple are, like, you know, no one's even talking to us, you and we had great sets but yeah it's not i don't know i've never been good at selling stuff or organization or anything like that yeah would you say you just going on the road doing your thing getting the fuck out of there yeah yeah i try i'm trying to like get to see the cities more and learn about them more instead of just going in and out you Are you looking to do more TV, or are you just looking to do more stand-up now? What are you trying to do?

Yeah, well, that's... I think I'm going to... Stand-up has always been my main thing, and still is. I spent most of the last year... When 30 Rock ended, actually, I stopped... I didn't even have an acting agent.

And I wasn't looking for one. I haven't had an acting agent in about two years. When 30 Rock ended, I just wanted to hit the road and tour. Because I was still doing tons of stand-up while doing 30 Rock, but I wasn't allowed to go on the road much because we were filming in the city. So, you know, like eight or nine months out of the year. So I just went on the road. And that's all I wanted to do.

And then with the sort of constant sleep deprivation of traveling and, you know, morning radio and morning TV shows, I started actually drawing again. And that's when I started, the book sort of like came out of that, you know, after several months, I realized I had like 50 cartoons. And I was like, wow, I think I'm working on a new book here. And so I wasn't planning on that. That's just kind of organically came to me. So I spent the past most of the past year, year and a half working on that. And then doing stand up, I turned down a fair amount of acting stuff that came my way. Um, and now the next big project I need to do is a standup project. Uh, whether it be a special or a 90 minute feature length standup concert film. Uh, and then I'll do an album with it. Cause I still have never put one

out, you know, really never, you know, album with it because I still have never put one out. Really, never? You don't have anything? Nothing. I should have had probably five out by now. Wow. Years ago, I turned them down from Comedy Central. Why? Well, this was probably like 10, 15 years ago.

I turned them down because of their censorship stuff. Now they're much looser with it, obviously. Way looser. But then it was like there were subjects you couldn't talk about, a lot of words you couldn't say, and I like fucking i'm not doing it and i also never liked their ownership clauses where they owned they didn't just own that filmed footage of you they owned all the writing in it also you know so if i wanted to if i wanted to do let's say i had one joke from there and then i wanted to do that on my own album uh but i've like one line but i've

added three new lines to it you know they either wouldn't allow you or you'd have to get lawyers and fucking get permission so i was like fuck it so and then i've been trying to make my own for the past couple years and then this book project sort of presented itself and then uh the so at this point the only thing stopping me is me so and i think you must have so much material, though. I know. I can put out, I think what I'm going to do is just put out my recent, most recent hour. But, yeah, I can put out, I can go back to material I don't even do anymore and put out probably two or three others.

Yeah, you should do that. You should just bang out like three specials in a year. Yeah, I might do that. Yeah, or maybe one special and then two other albums or something because it's so important if people want to go see you that they can see something online yeah find something that yeah netflix along those lines i have some clips online that's it but i don't have like any of the half hour hour stuff because i always turn that down that's crazy i think a lot of it was fear-based too because i also have a lot of trust issues with people.

Do you trust me? I do. I do trust you. I'm trusting you today. Okay, cool. No, but I respect you and trust you. But it's like I have a lot of trust issues, period. And some of it's because I've been fucked over a lot,

but that's okay. But then there's also my own perfectionism. It's like, oh, as soon as you tape it, then I'm going to think, oh, I have this one other joke that goes on to that one. And I want it in there. I want it perfect. And you can't aim for perfect. You've got to just go with what you've got at that time, and that's what that show represents. Yeah.

It's got to be a representation of what you're doing right now. In this one time where this is filmed in December of 2015, bam, this is Judah Freelander, bam, this is it. Exactly. But it's hard to do that. It's hard. It's hard to nail it like that and lock it in and then not say, oh, but I could have done this.

Maybe I should have edited that out and that part was flat. Right. Take chances. Right. And then the other blockage on my own area, mental blockage, was and I'm much better with that now, but for a few years ago, I used to never have it. Then a few years ago, it kicked in, was that fear of basically, not just trolls, but bloggers saying, oh, this shit sucks, like they're going to

shit on it. And then, because you know, so many people, like if one blog says you stink, then all the other ones are just going to basically rewrite that one and then write the same fucking article. And before you know it, you have all the fucking internet saying you stink, or like the whole hipster half of the internet saying you suck.

So I never used to give a shit what people think, but at some point several years ago, that kind of happened to me. So I was like, it did happen to you? Yeah, it did. Where I was just constantly,

like I got a lot of anxiety, like thinking if I put something out, they're going to shit on it. And everyone thinks I'm going to suck. And then I'm not going to have a career. Did this happen because someone shit on you or you were worried about someone shitting on you? I was worried about it. Yeah, I was worried about it yeah it was never happened no well no i've had

i've had reviews where people like like just completely shit on me and and it's all none of its factual you know what i mean basically like a professional troll you know uh but you're always gonna have that though man yeah i know yeah i can't think about that yeah i've gotten much better with like not worrying about that shit. But for three, four years ago, I was having that really bad. And I don't know what it was. I think it was all kinds of trust issues I was having personally and stuff. Because I remember when 30 Rock was going on, I'd go out on a date with a girl.

And then 30 minutes into the date, she starts talking about her boyfriend. And I'm like, what? I'm like, what are you talking about? And she's like, oh, I thought we were just, you know, going out for dinner on like friends. And I'm like, I'm like, I asked you out. It's Saturday night. And I'm like, so I go to her, like, are you like, are you, are you cheating on your boyfriend? Are you not into him anymore?

Like, is he out of town? Or you guys have an open relationship? She's like, no, he's here. I'm like, like, are you, like, are you cheating on your boyfriend? Are you not into him anymore? Like, is he out of town? Or you guys have an open relationship? She's like, no, he's here. I'm like, well, where is he? She's like, at his apartment. He's over there watching. At the apartment. I'm like, well, fucking go to him.

What the fuck are you doing over here with me? How many times has this happened? That happened a few times. Really? Where girls would, like, want to, like, go out with me just to take pictures so they can, like, tell their Facebook friends and shit. Oh, so they became friends with you because you were on television right exactly so that romantically interesting i think when that stuff was happening that's also i'm just guessing here

i don't have the exact answers i'm just thinking out loud but i think that's maybe sort of around the same time when i started worrying about bloggers and shit, like shitting on you. You know, my friend Eddie has this theory about Bill Cosby. About Bill Cosby, when he started doing that to women. And he thinks that that might have been a similar type of situation where these women wanted to be around him, but they were turning him down. Oh, gotcha. And he started drugging them. Then he started raping them.

Yeah. Yeah. I never didcha. And he started drugging them. Then he started raping them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I never did that. I just left. Yeah. You're a much better man than him. But, you know what I mean?

No, that's interesting. That can happen where someone's attracted to you simply because you're a famous person. Right, right, right. And you think, well, hey, this is a girl that I'm romantically interested in

and I'd like to go on a date and get to know her. You ask them out and they say, yeah, and then you're at dinner. So what the fuck, man? So you're talking to this girl. You go, hey, do get to know her. You ask them out and they say, yeah, and then you're at dinner. So what the fuck, man? So you're talking to this girl, you go, hey, do you want to go out to dinner? And she's like, yeah, that sounds good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden you're on a date and she's telling you about her boyfriend. Yeah, it's Saturday, it's 10 o'clock. Yeah. And you're thinking, yeah, look at you. I bet you look good naked. Oh, yeah, dude is going to get some. All right.

And she's like, yeah, my boyfriend's waiting for me. Yeah. No, she just casually mentioned about something. Oh, yeah, my boyfriend's in this. And I'm like, huh? What? Yeah. And this happened more than once.

Yeah. I remember one girl. I remember one girl. What did she? I'm trying to remember what she wanted to do. Fuck. No, no. She wanted to.

It was something like. Buy jewelry? No, I can't remember. I think it was something like. Buy jewelry? No, I can't remember. I think it was Time Out New York Magazine. They put me on the front cover of their, like, dating issue. And they're like, holy spout, dating. And they had a thing, and the friend said, like, date this guy. And I'm like, I'm, like, on the cover.

And you're like, oh, I'm fucking in. Woo! Yeah, so, and I remember one girl, I think, saw that. And then she, like, Facebooked me or something like that and was saying, oh, she wants to meet me. So she wanted to go – she wanted to go – she wanted to write articles. She wanted to follow me on a date and then write an article about it. That's what she wanted to do. And I'm like, why the fuck would anyone want to do that?

And why would I want to fucking do that? It's like, why do I want to do that? So she wants you to meet a random girl go on a date with her and she's going to hang out with you guys yeah because she wants to get uh because she's like an aspiring writer so she wants to try to get you know articles written online so her way to do is to latch on to a famous person right right so there's always you know that kind of shit you know so i uh and i you know and before any of that shit I always said trust issues with people so then that would make it even where does your trust issues come from I feel like I'm your doctor no yeah I don't know I don't know a psychologist this is always your whole life you've had this

yeah I don't know always with authority figures I've never gotten along pretty much and you consider women authority figures no no that's just you know it's just a relationship right so how many different girls did that to you when you went on dates with them and they said they had boyfriends? Well, there's that one I can think of. It probably happened like two or three times. That's really weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's super unusual.

Yeah. But it'll happen after shows all the time where a girl will be really flirty with you. Another comes and say like, dude, you should jump on that. I'm like, her boyfriend's right there. You know? Yeah. It's like, you know, she'll be flirty with you. And other companies are like, dude, you should jump on that. I'm like, her boyfriend's right there. It's like, she'll be flirty with me. I remember one time

one girl was taking her shirt off, showing her boobs. Me and Godfrey are there. There's outside the cellar. And her boyfriend's right there. He's taking photos of us doing it and stuff. Freaks. Yeah, yeah. Some people are just that way. And other people are going, dude, you guys should go with that girl. Her boyfriend's taking the photos.

No, I'm not going to fucking do that. There's always going to be people like that. People that... There's... I have a friend of mine that went with this girl, and the girl told him that she had a husband, and the husband watched and coached her while she was blowing my friend. That's... That's really weird shit.

That's deep. That's the shit I don't want to get involved that's deep in the weird pool yeah i don't do that yeah i was saying to him i said did that feel gay like she's like he's directing your pleasure the whole thing is just that's just bizarre that whole thing but some people are into bizarre shit not like that man not me no no some people are into weird shit though yeah you know but i don't know know, I think so much of culture is so Like even if you look at social media Instagram, Facebook, Twitter

If I wasn't trying to promote my shows I wouldn't be on any of that shit Yet everyone's on that shit That's a good point Why are they on it? If you're on it and you just want to follow different people Get some ongoing kind of entertainment, you know. But it's like when people just take photos of themselves at the beach or their food and they post it, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?

What's the point? That's a really good point. You know, I don't think I've really thought about that. Like, I get why we're on it. I don't get why anyone else is on it. Because I've been in entertainment for so long, and social media is just something that sort of came along the way. What would I be doing? Would I be even using it?

I don't think I would. No. I got onto MySpace to promote gigs. Yeah, me too. I got onto Facebook for the same and Twitter for the same. That's really interesting. Yeah. And Instagram, same thing.

Like, I know some people, and they just follow, they'll follow, like, their favorite, like, musicians and their favorite comics. And they're, you know, so on their scroll, they're getting, you know, some, you know, info and entertainment, like, throughout the day. I understand that. But if you're actively posting, I don't know.

It's almost like everyone has their own show, basically. That's what the world's become. Everyone has their own show, basically. Yes. That's what the world's become. Everyone has their own show. Their own reality show. Yeah. Yeah. That is what it's like.

So if a girl sometimes... Yeah. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, please. No, no, no. It's your other show.

No, no, no. I've cut you off too many times. It's all right, man. It's just talking. I feel bad now. What were you saying? Don't feel bad. What were you saying?

All right. If a girl... No, like some of those girls from a few years ago, it was almost like the date was me guest starring on their show. Yes, exactly. And I could maybe get them ratings. Yes, get them a bunch of likes on their photos. Right, that's what it was like.

I went with the guy from 30 Rock. Look, it's me. Thought he was going to get laid. Ha ha, LOL. Sometimes I don't even think they're LOL. Sometimes I don't even think they're thinking that. I don't even think that occurs to them sometimes.

What? Yeah. Oh, they're dumb. Well, I don't know. I think they're just so into like, oh, this will give me, people are going to like this photo. They're not thinking,

I don't know that they all actually think it affects you as a person. Just like trolls don't think it affects you as a person often. They're don't think it affects you as a person often. You know, they're just like, you know, they're just talking shit. They're just not thinking about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're just using you as a target for their angst. Right, right. They don't view you as a human. Right. And for the girl, she's using you as a target. You're a celebrity. Right, right. You're on a television show that she enjoys.

Look, I'm here with him, the guy from the thing. I'm amazing. I'm amazing. I made magic happen. The guy from the box is standing'm amazing. I'm amazing. I made magic happen. The guy from the box is standing, and he paid for my food. That's a perfect impression. Is that what she sounded like? Perfect.

And then my boyfriend says, and then my boyfriend says, and he doesn't like you. I don't know why. Whatever. You'll be like, oh, yeah, he likes you, too. Yeah, but when you asked him, did your boyfriend know that we're going to dinner together? Yeah, on that one time, I did.

And what'd she say? She had nothing to say. Oh, God. So did you just end the date right there and get out of there? No, I finished my food. I think it lasted a little bit longer. It was just kind of awkward and shit. Yeah, it was pretty lame.

How'd you guys end the night? Did you hug her? I don't remember. I don't remember. How could you not remember? What's that? How could you not remember that? I don't remember. I don't remember. How could you not remember? What's that? How could you not remember that? I don't remember.

You know, I don't remember how it happened. I just don't fucking know. You know, the idea that everyone has their own show is exactly what's going on. And that's also when you see these, like, really self-righteous tweets that people put out. Like, what are they really doing? They're doing exactly the same thing that you see people doing on reality shows where they're fucking acting. You know when you watch a reality show and you watch someone,

they're doing something or saying something very specifically to get a reaction. Okay. I don't watch them, but, yeah, I get what you're saying. Yeah. Like, they know the camera's on them. Yeah, yeah. And that's why they're acting in sort of an unnatural way or in a manipulative way. And that manipulation applies to social media as well.

It's a less pervasive method of doing it. Instead of broadcasting to a million plus people on a reality show, you're broadcasting to 10,000 people who follow you on Twitter. That's a big part of what people are doing today. Yeah, like what's real. It's also big part of what people are doing today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what is, what's real? It's also what hashtag activism is. What is hashtag activism? It's a lot of what it is. Yeah, no, I think it can be I think it can be both. I mean, I

agree with you and I disagree, because I think I think sometimes people are genuine, but then sometimes people are just, you know, tootin' their own horn. Oh, definitely. Yeah, I mean, there's no black or white in this. Yeah, yeah. Or, I should say. Yeah. But I remember. So I say gray. Is that okay?

I remember doing a stand-up set on a show years ago in L.A. called Late Friday. And I got, I remember doing my first joke. It's a setup and a punchline. And I say the setup part. And I have a slight pause. Everyone starts laughing and i was like what the fuck's going on that's you're not they've never laughed there ever i've been doing

this joke for two years they've never laughed at that point and then i get to the punch line and they're still laughing the setup they don't really laugh at the punch line that much and then after about like three and the first of the first few minutes were all just weird like that and then after about three four minutes it kind of became like a normal set then afterwards i found out that the entire audience was uh paid background extra actors oh so and they didn't tell me that before going on so that's kind of like you know reminds me what you were saying about you know everyone on their own show yeah just so they were trying to be they were acting and trying to act like an audience member instead of just sitting there and just let it happen.

You don't have to do anything. Oh, God. Paid background. And everybody, when Judah comes out, he's going to say jokes. I want you to laugh it up. I want to hear your best laugh right now. Come on, folks. You can do better.

Is that all you got? Come on. And that's the way a lot of times comedy on TV is, where it's just so fake. That's a more extreme example, but it's like, it's just, uh, I don't know, but it's not easy to capture, you know, even when you see specials, it's not easy to capture a real standup night. Cause you know, when you put those cameras in there and people know what's going on, it always adds a little bit of a different dynamic, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Hunter Thompson was talking about that a long time ago.

Really? It was a documentary about, yeah, he started filming things, started carrying cameras around and filming things. And he was talking about, they were interviewing him for this BBC documentary that they were doing. I think it was BBC. And he was saying that having a camera changes everything because you're not capturing reality. Because having the camera and knowing that it's being filmed changes exactly what it is.

It becomes something different now because everyone's aware of the camera. And this is a documentary he made that he was talking about? No, it was about him. Oh, I got to see that. Yeah. That sounds great. There's a few. He's got a couple of them.

I'm a big fan of Hunter Thompson. Yeah. But the one with Gonzo, The Life and Times of Hunter S. Thompson. I think that was what it was called. The documentary. Yeah, that was one. I'll have to check that out. And then there was another one, Fear and Loathing in Hollywood, I think.

I forget which one it was. But there's a few of them. You can find them online. I'll check those out. That sounds really cool. Yeah, but they were at his place in Woody Creek, Colorado with cameras and filming him. And he's like, well, this isn't reality because you got a camera. As soon as you use that camera.

He was an incredibly perceptive person, man. That's pretty cool. Except when it came to himself. Interesting. Yeah. It's all sorts of blind spots people have in their own life. Yeah. I mean, I think that's probably pretty common, you know.

Fuck yeah. Way more common than not. Yeah. And I think it's good to pretty common, you know. Fuck yeah. Way more common than not. Yeah. And I think it's good to admit that, you know. Yeah. I think that's one problem is where, like, a lot of people don't admit that. It's like, it's okay to have flaws, you know. We all have flaws.

If you don't have flaws, you're not human. And that's the other thing about social media that's weird. It often shows people are showing themselves without the flaws. So it's it's like you said it's like everything's kind of fake on a certain level and they also find a flaw that you have and just fucking yeah yeah yeah it's a target yeah what did you say about black paper judah yeah so i didn't black lung a lung. It's a dark. It's cigarettes. Yeah.

Yeah, that's the kind of thing. That was the kind of thing I used to worry about. Like, oh, you do one thing and fuck, they're going to get you. I had a couple drawings in here where the way I draw it and the way I word it, I'm like, am I going to get shit on for this? And I was like, a couple of them. Yeah, but it's cool. Yeah. Listen, I got to get out of here, but let's highlight the book.

We've got two of them here. How to Beat Up Anybody. This is the one that's out for a few years. Yeah, that one you can get on Amazon for $0.35, and shipping is $3.99. The new one, if rained, $0.39. Yeah, because you can get used copies. I think new, it's like $14, but if you want a used copy, I think it's like $0.35. What a nice guy you are.

I've been shipping his $3.99. And if Raindrops United... See, that goes back to me not being a good salesman. I tell people to buy the shitty shit. You're an artist. But yeah, if the Raindrops United, this has been my big passion in the past. If you like B. Cleban or maybe even some of the old Gary Larson stuff, I think you'll dig this book. Beautiful.

And then your Twitter is judoworldchamp? Judo, yeah. J-U-D-A-H worldchamp. Tour dates judofreelander.com. Thank you, brother. Appreciate it, man. Always good seeing you. This is great to see you.

Anytime, man. Let's do it again. No, I don't see you much because I live in New York, and it's always cool when I see you. Always cool to see you too, brother. All right. Judah Freelander, ladies and gentlemen. We'll see you soon. Bye-bye.

Big kiss. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Oh, that and gentlemen. We'll see you soon. Bye-bye. Big kiss. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Oh, that was great.