The Joe Rogan Experience - #741 - Joey Diaz

Episode Date: December 24, 2015

Joey “CoCo” Diaz is a Cuban-American stand up comedian and actor. Joey also hosts his own podcast called “The Church of What’s Happening Now” available on Spotify. -- https://www.youtube.com/madflavorsworld

Jazz Joplin's when you got a minute just watch both parts of that fucking documentary about it the new studio when I set up the new studio I'm gonna set up all these fucking Italians weren't allowed above 19th Street in Hoboken two one go live holla holla you dirty bitches Merry Christmas my brother Merry Christmas my brother oh shit jamie no we're talking about how Italians weren went allowed above 12th Street because the Irish controlled the Italians in the 40s. That's how it was, a pecking order. And he was the first one to make it out, and it just cleared the Italians. You've got to watch this documentary.

It's on Sinatra? It's on, yeah, it's Sinatra on HBO, All of Me or something like that. And it's weird because I always grew up hearing these fucked-up stories about him. He was kind of a little rough. But, bro, he fucking loved people like us. he lived for that craziness he loved it burt reynolds just put out a book have you been reading the excerpts that they've been releasing oh good and he went and he goes he bumped into sinatra one night and it's not just told him to go play cards over at some bar and they're playing cards and the guy dropped the dishes and the owner was yelling at

him and he's not he called the owner over and he goes how much for how much you think of glasses because i don't know maybe 30 cents and he goes give him three thousand dollars bring me three thousand dollars worth of glasses and he called the bus boy over he was yelling and he embarrassed and he goes what's your name hector hector i want you to break every fucking glass. And he started breaking glasses. Nobody knew what was going on. And he goes, if I ever come in here and Hector's not here, I'm going to tell all my friends not to come in here and eat.

And Burt Reynolds got up and he goes, where the fuck are you going? He goes, I already got my Sinatra story. He goes, sit the fuck down and play cards, will you? I got my Sinatra story. Yeah. Yeah, he was supposed to be an incredible guy like in that sense and then after like he got down like that documentary really breaks it down like he went really down then he did a world tour out of his pocket which just for kids he donated everything for kids his daughter said he never recovered from kennedy screwing him over like he

never recovered from that he's just got to catch it. It's pretty interesting, man. He's from Hoboken, which really, when I heard that story about how the Italians weren't, you know, it was different. Like, the Muslims are all crying now. A hundred years ago, those were the Italians. You know, a hundred years ago, they were throwing fucking Chinese people over a cliff for the railroads with dynamite. Is that true? Did you ever hear about that shit?

When they built the railroads? The Chinese statement slash question. dynamite is that true Chinese people like everybody everybody suffered in this fuck yeah the Chinese people who build the railroad the railroads play the 21st finger is it and whoever was it strapped dynamite around they threw him over the fuck somebody'll fucking say this shit to you. Like, a lot of... All these races suffered, you know? Yeah. They've been walking on the railroad. Yeah, like, all fucked...

That's why when you go to Wyoming, there's a Chinese restaurant. I didn't know that shit. You ever go to Wyoming, you're like, why is there a Chinese fucking restaurant in Cheyenne, Wyoming? And they're like,

oh, because after they built the railroads, they said, fuck it, let's just stay here. Wow, that's interesting. I never really thought about that. But wasn't there a place we went to was a Vancouver that we went to we went to some museum That showed like how all the Chinese immigrants wound up in Vancouver I don't think it was a railroad or I forget what it was but it's interesting when you have like these pockets like this pockets of like

Certain parts of Chinatown where those people just never assimilated like fuck it we just stay right here everything's in Chinese the signs are all in Chinese we're good they don't learn English they just stopped they decided we'll just make this China China West right here just for a couple blocks yeah wasn't there like some mayor or something or there was some kind of guy that that was from China that came over there and invited everybody over there? Everybody where? Into Vancouver. Oh, that's interesting. I wonder.

I forget. There was some story about that. I wish I paid attention. The oldest Chinatown was in Cuba. Up to like 61 or 58, one of the biggest Chinatowns outside of China was in Havana, Cuba. And in fact fact after fidel took over he never with them he left those chinese people alone so there's still a lot of

chinese people in cuba they speak spanish they speak cuban if you go to 79th street and broadway by our friends where a friend's office used to be right there there's a place called la carida it's a cuban chinese plate i sent ari there you get pork fried rice with a pork chop and black beans. It's fucking ridiculous. What? And it's Chinese people speaking Spanish. What does it sound like? .

And they talk Chinese style, but Spanish. Can you hear what that sounds like? What does it sound like? Like really fast. Let's say I say,. That's how you'd say it? That's how I'd say it. They'd say, And they'd talk really fast.

To see a Chinese person speak Spanish will blow your fucking mind. Will blow your mind. So if you ever have a doubt, I even sent Opie there. Opie ended up going there. So I was on Opie and Anthony talking about how that's a weird restaurant. If you go in there high, be prepared to go into shock. Wow. And when I was younger, there were more.

There were like Ampanachina. That's the Chinese bell. There was a couple more like where I came from in West New York there, Jersey. That's fucking crazy. That's like a thing. Like if you see a Chinese guy with an English accent, you go, whoa, hey, what's going on here? You know, it doesn't assimilate but that that might be the biggest one that's the biggest one yeah a Chinese person with a Cuban accent speaking

Spanish they just always like multi-task they're like that they take that head of us way of talking the Chinese tongue the rhythm of the Chinese tone. But they put it into the Spanish. How crazy is it that there's so many different sounds that people make just to talk? Like, you hear those African people, they're talking like clicks and... They start, like, what? Like, they just developed, that's their style. They figured out their style of making noise, and each noise means a certain thing.

And Cubans figured out this kind of, noise, and each noise means a certain thing. And Cubans figured out this kind of like flowing, almost dancing style. And Germans have this fucking hard, you know, everything's, you know, and then the Chinese people, they figured out their own thing. It's all totally different. All of them different. The Japanese have the grunts. Yeah. Yeah, they have their own thing. I like when I hear Portuguese.

This is what blows my mind. When I watch a fight and they're talking to the interpreter, when I watch Portuguese, I understand a few words, just from being Spanish. I don't understand all of them. I'm not going to lie to you. But then it's weird. Then you have all these countries together

But like when Sicilians talk around me, I know exactly what they're saying. They can't pull the wool over my right, right? That island is half fucking Spanish. They don't even know it when Sicilians talk. I pick more words up You know I'm saying so in Portuguese say a five Word sentence I pick up one word and then I'll take it from there my imagination Word sentence I pick up one word and I'll take it from there my imagination But when Sicilians talk I could take four out of the five words like I understand it's closer to Spanish So somewhere along the line. I always figured out we were connected somewhere. There's some French words that I understand that Spanish It's kind of weird like it's just I don't know if I could explain it the right well There's like the romance languages right like Latin

Spanish's French's right those are like what they call the romance languages like old-school European languages that have that sort of flair to them There's like a beauty to a lot of those older languages You know it's it's interesting just how different parts of the country develop different sounds for talking. You know, when you listen to people from like the South Pacific or another weird one is Filipinos. When you hear Filipinos, you're like, wow, that's like kind of a combination of stuff. Like theirs is like a combination of sort of like an Asian, but a Spanish. There's like a flow to it. It's a weird thing, right? And a lot of Filipinos

have traditionally Spanish last names as well. Well, they were conquered by the Spanish, right? Yeah, it was like Spanish and Chinese, right? It's a combination of Spanish and Chinese. And they were all Catholic. Yeah, that's true. Big time Catholic community Filipinos. Yeah, like Manny Pacquiao.

Super fucking religious guy. Big time Catholic community. I read something recently about how emojis is the most advanced language that's been created recently just because you can pretty much cross. I could talk to a Japanese person by emoji to some point. And if you think about it, that's how cavemen started. So they might have been way more advanced in their language and we would have been just shitting on them the whole time well cavemen didn't

really do it in pictures mean they made pictures in the wall but we don't think that they were communicating but they do think that hieroglyphics were like a super advanced way of communicating we just can't we don't quite quite get it you know there's no poop emoji type thing for that that it's more advanced like triangles and eyeballs and stuff right is that what the language is looks like yeah it's all different symbols you know it's different thing i don't totally understand it but there's a lot of uh egyptian language was lost a lot of a lot of their writing was lost in something called the fire of alexandria like when they burned alexandria i guess they burnt like a lot of their writing was lost in something called the Fire of Alexandria. When they burned Alexandria, I guess they burnt a lot of really cool shit.

They destroyed all the records. There might have been explanations for how they built all that shit. All of it got destroyed because it was all on, I guess, a paper or a papyrus, which I don't think is really a paper. I think it's like an animal skin thing, like paper made with animal skins. But yeah, those fucking people, man, they drew on their walls. They had their history of their creation

and all this different shit, and it was all just written in these different images. They just wrote in images. We think that you have to write in letters because that's how we write. We write in letters. But if we never wrote in letters, we only wrote in images, we would just develop a really advanced system for communicating in images

you know like when you look at someone's writing and you don't understand it if you look at portuguese or something like that you don't understand what it means you you kind of just look at all how the the little letters and everything are all smushed in together to try to make a strange sound you know it doesn really, it doesn't click and register. But then when you read something that you absolutely know what it is, like the thought and the idea immediately enters into your head. Well, it would be way more universal if it was like images. So it does make sense.

Yeah, like, I mean, if you think about it, like look at the old Egyptian, you know, king type with like the hand going up and one going down. And then you look at like our emoji system where we have like that one like hey felicia chick with their hand to the sideways we know exactly what that means when a girl sends it's like hey whatever right but you see the egyptian that's kind of like the same exact shit i don't know what the fuck did that mean why did the egyptians hold their hand that weird way was it just the walk the egypt Egyptian music video that I'm thinking of? Maybe they never did. No, they did.

They did in hieroglyphs. They did. How much pig Latin? Break that down a minute. It's like you say nay at the end of everything. You take the first letter away, and then you, like, you wouldn't say Diaz. You would say Ies Dei. Right?

Isn't that how isn't it? Yes, nay, yes nay. Okay. Yeah when I was a kid today on the X-ray, you know, I've heard that You know, I don't even know how to say this a Spanish one when you're Cuban and they have a pig Latin and my mom Used to talk to me in Spanish this form of communication with those other people in the room She didn't want people to know what she was saying to me. It was like she did, she thought, she thought. Same fucking thing. You have to do something. I forgot what the fuck it was. Cuban is a very interesting Spanish because it's almost like drums are playing. When two Cuban people start going back and forth and back and forth it's uh it's like it's got a rhythmic quality to it yeah it's loud i'm too cuban people it gets the conversation gets louder

and louder and louder and you actually think there's an argument going on but there's really not there's not even at all it's just two people who are so passionate about the subject they're talking about i.e baseball yeah know, when you get them going, don't start that fucking argument. Well, what was the documentary that I saw where they went to Cuba and they were watching these guys pay to argue? They would pay to discuss, like, sports?

Like, they'd pay to, like, to argue. They would go to this one area and they would get together with other guys who want to argue about sports. And they had like a ticket. They would go in there and argue about soccer or baseball. If you really know baseball, their arguments are beautiful arguments. That thing I used to do years ago where I'd yell and then walk away. Right, right. That's Cuban. That means the conversation's over. Whatever you got to say, I don't need to hear because you're wrong.

But that's what that means. That's that body that they argue all day about dumb shit, music, baseball. It's interesting to them, but they detail it so much that they suck you in with the conversation. Like that fucking Yoel Romero dude. Who more embodies Cuba and Cuban athletics than that guy? Him, like, he's like, when I think of like Cuban athletes, like Cuban super athletes, you think Yoel Romero, right? Well, the thing that, the most thing that he has about being a Cuban is that he's 38 and you don't really know

Oh, yeah, nobody knows at all. He's 30. He could be 22 though He could be sucking you in and nobody really knows we really haven't those birth certificates They went away. You just pick an age. What do you want to be 30 years done? You know, he competed as a wrestler for a long time. So they know he's a certain age I'm just teasing but I know he's always something with the Cuban I'm a my mom got I told my aunt how old was your mom 48 fuck? She's been 48 for 10 fucking years You know cuz it's true. You don't know dog. I never know these motherfuckers ages They won't tell you you know that last fight he fought fucking great man

But you see the one before that where he told people to not, he was trying to say, don't forget Jesus. Right. But they didn't get it because he's got a thick, thick Cuban accent, the thickest. So he goes, don't forget Jesus. Don't forget Jesus. So people thought he was saying no for gay Jesus. Like there's no gay Jesus. Like Jesus isn't gay.

It could have been way worse, though. But all he was saying was forget. Don't forget Jesus. He was saying don't forget Jesus. He was just saying, you know, I won. Don't forget Jesus. You know why I didn't go to the weigh-in? Why?

You know why I didn't go to that weigh-in? Why did you not go to that weigh-in? Because I would have gone off on him. That he would have beat up Jacacare right luke and aldo and everybody on that ring that night i know how to motivate cubans yeah oh with with religion they're radicals that's what you would do you would just start talking about god i'm just talking about ogum the god metal god of cuba and he was mad wait a minute hold on there's a god in san terrio there's a god of goon and he's the one that he's the metal worker he's the built and when you go on youtube look

for a goon he's always a big yolk black guy lives in the jungle and he only comes out the he only comes out when there's a problem so if i would have seen y'all romero that day i would have said he hold goon and i would have got his, goon, and I would have got his blood going. Oh, my God. I would have got his blood going and shit. Dog, I started doing that to Anderson Silva when I first met him, and I remember one day in the hallway, he couldn't take his eyes off me. People were talking to him,

and he kept looking back, what's that motherfucker saying? Because it's big in Brazilian. That shit is big in Brazilian. So I would have started saying, oye, tu eres hijo, goon. Oye, ogui. And then I would have started saying who my mother is.

Yo soy hijo de la santísima caridad de Corre. Y te estoy diciendo que le tiene que meter leña. Yo te estoy diciendo que le tiene que meter galletazo. Hasta por gusto. Look at Ogún. That's the dude? That's Joe Romero. Look at him.

That's Ogún. He does look like him. No, all black, muscular Cuban dudes that look like that you Fire them up tell them they're old goon son I'll get you Before this is huge in Cuba. Who's this guy? He's so there's like a series of black porn films see so there's like a series of black porn films with these guys shirtless six-pack covered in oil this is the god jesus christ this is the god of the jungle and he like is in charge of machinery

when you when machinery goes bad and shit like that you have to pray to him he has all the weapons of metal he just shows up with metal and starts he has a metal axe a metal fuck and everything that's hilarious that's why i would have busted him with that i would have just i would have gotten to his head with a goon and he that that takes over jesus and cube that's what you were brought up on you heard that growing up so even if you convert it to christianity later on that'll still get under your fucking skin like i'm still around your cage and shit bro if i would have started saying that shit so we would have thrown everybody out of the ring. John McCarthy.

It would have been that episode of Curly and the Little Rascals when they fought. Not Little Rascals, Three Stooges. They wanted Curly to wrestle for a benefit, but the problem was whenever Curly smelled wild hyacinth, he went fucking nuts. So he's on the bottom of the pile. The guy's beating him. And all of a sudden, Mo comes over

and makes him sniff the fucking thing. Curly pushes him off him. What is it called? Wild high scent? Wild high scent. What is it? Like some fucking herb or something. This is like in the 40s or whatever.

It was made. And all of a sudden, you flash back, and you just see Curly hitting everybody. People are coming out. And then he gets a hold of the bell. And he starts clocking people with the bell from the Wild Heist. And they flip over the curl. He's hitting people with the bell. And all of a sudden, they flip over to the middle of the ring.

And they're all piled on top of each other, dog. He knocked out 18 people with that fucking bell. That's what I would have done to your old Romero that day. He would have gone until the audience banged your head with fucking... Big what's-his-name? Goldberg. Goldberg. bang your head with fucking big what's his name gobert i felt bad when that whole forget jesus thing went down it was so bad there was everybody's piling on them they all just assumed it was really

bad because uh you gotta know that cuban accent the t's become wise it just that's how they do it and in a thick accent like that like nobody nobody figured it out it was weird it was weird to watch they were all like he's you know he's making a statement against gay people like oh man i thought when i heard it i was like this mother because half of cuba is pro-gay right and the other half of cuba they'll take you shark hunting but didn't you understand what he was saying, seeing as you speak Spanish with a Cuban accent? No, I didn't. You didn't get it? Wow.

I didn't. You know, I'm half deaf, so I really didn't hear what the fuck he was saying. That's why you're always screaming. Yeah, that's why I'm always... Yeah, I kind of heard about it after they had already figured out what it was. So I didn't, but when I heard it, I was like, yeah, that's what he's saying.

He's saying, don't forget Jesus. He's fucking Cuban. It's like, don't forget Jesus. Don't forget. Don't forget. And, you know, that's him saying, don't forget Jesus. He fucking loves you. I think I've beaten it into the ground.

I love him. I could tell the way he says your name. Joe Rogan. God, how lucky. I'm a meticulous. It's an honor. Oh, my God. He loves you.

I could tell how he's excited. You know, the thing that they should do that the UFC always misses is just tape the best corners in the business of Jorge Masdoval and Yoel Romero. And I hear it very, because the things they say are ridiculous. What are they and Yoel Romero. And I hear it very... Because the things they say are ridiculous. What are they saying? They're ridiculous. They're saying it in Spanish?

Yeah. Cuban Spanish? One time I was hearing George A. Mazdoval's trainer say... Mazvidal. Meta un galletazo. You know what a galletazo is? An open-handed bitch slap. You can't do that.

And the guy's like, oh, yeah, meta un galletazo. So he's saying, oh, he must have hurt his hand that's cubanismo oh okay right you can't smack somebody but in our mind metal and guy so fires you up i don't know what my don't get my ass oh i get it listen to what remember a bit slap is a bit slap in cubanism oh man he was saying metal you what a rion is? an airplane that means hit him with one of these things that come across the head

like a fucking wild punch so he talked to a Cuban one time they were interviewing Stevenson in like the 70s and they go so Stevenson what happened? and the guy's like

you know trying and Stevenson said it and I almost died as a little kid I hit him with a plane kid. No, no pasa nada. Metí un avión. I hit him with a plane. That's what they're called. It's not, metí un avión, compadre.

Metí un avión. What a great language. No, no, no. And it has so many different meanings. And the truth of the matter is, it's such a funny language because they say shit. Like one time, one of the nicest things you ever said to me is you were stuck on an airport, and all of a sudden you heard this party going on at seven in the morning people were delayed and you looked over and they were cubans and they were like i i got you that day that's when i

really got you i got you i think you it's your culture like a little you know well i remember i remember that day very well these people were they were having fun man they were speaking spanish with clearly cuban accents they people, they were having fun, man. They were speaking Spanish with clearly Cuban accents. They were dancing. They were like, half the little girl was dancing with the father was dancing. They were playing music out of their phone. I was like, look at these fucking people. They don't give a fuck.

They're just here having a good time. They're just here having a good time. It's beautiful. So, you know, the one thing that I don't know too much about politics and I don't know too much about like the embargo and how it all went down. I know very little of it, honestly. But what I do know is there's something strange about a culture like Cuba that's kind of existed outside of the influence of the United States, purely. I mean, obviously, we're only 90 miles away.

You know, I mean, obviously we're only 90 miles away, but since we're, there was an embargo and there's all this bullshit that was going on back and forth between the two countries, they kind of existed in their own space. And when you see it, like in video and you see like the cars, all 1950s cars done up beautifully and people are driving them around. They put like diesel engines in some of them and shit. They're all like self-sustaining. And you look at these people and you see the flowing style of their language and how they live. And it's all right there. It's fucking 90 miles from Miami. You just, it's nothing. You know, if you could drive there in a car, it would take you an hour and a half. It's closer than San Diego. And it's a totally different world. Totally different world that essentially existed with very little U.S. influence. Other than the fact that we're close by and, you know, they have to deal with us.

But other than that, I mean, they're doing their own thing down there. And the athletes, Jesus fucking Christ. How many countries that are that small produce the kind of athletes that Cuba has? Just think about how many baseball players have defected and become, like, major league baseball players. How many boxers have defected and become like major league baseball players how many boxers have defected and become world champions like there's a lot of like super high level boxers that come over there from there judo guys guys like hector lombard you know i mean that kind of that caliber of athlete like jesus christ a lot of them come from cuba look at hector lombard and Yoel Romero. Both what you would call what-the-fuck athletes.

You know, you look at both of them, you go, what the fuck? And I'm thinking, what did they lift in Cuba? They got them that big. They eat two eggs a fucking year in Cuba. What protein source? They got no juice in Cuba. How do you get that fucking big? And I've seen, listen, when I went home,

I went with my wife and the baby to new york and one day i said listen before we go into the city and she let me take you to my neighborhood i took him to the actual park i used to play it well i used to see some crazy shit and i sat across the street from carmine balzano's house the guy that shot the guy seven times in self-defense and all that shit and got away with it and they took away his pension and i'm just staring at the house. I'm like, I remember being out here when the FBI had that house surrounded,

and they fucking found Patty Hearst's machine gun in that house. That's how deep Carmine was. Dog, and he was a cop. That's how deep this guy was in my hometown. And I'm going through, like, going through the, when we were kids, we had to do the attic, and we were finding money in

the attic dog hundreds and twenties and fifties whoever had the house before that had so much money they were using it as insulation what like this is crazy i'm thinking about all these things but while all this is going on it's me my wife and the baby and a guy and his little girl and my daughter's kind of mingling with the little girl and it's it's a beautiful day in jersey just leaves out and everything and all of a sudden the guy's getting ready to leave and i just said hey man how are you and i go and i went to say do you live around here just to see if that's kids come to the park do you live around here man and he goes but don't i mean like will you live around here? And he goes, me no. And I go, do I go on? And he goes, yeah.

I go, how long you been here? Eight days. Him and his daughter had been here eight days. They had gotten here, like, the day after Thanksgiving. So right away, my fucking, they offered me a Cuban cigarette, which I smoked. I smoked a communist cigarette with the guy just talking to him, just to feel what he was coming for. Right. And he was telling me how you're basically poor unless you tell. You have to defect into professionalism.

There's a word that you defect in the country, and now you work for yourself. So this guy was 48, and he was a bicycle guy. There are two people sitting in the back and drive you around town. So what he was making in one day, he was making in a month. That's why they let him defect so quickly. They let him out of the country because you have to claim that first. You don't want to be a professional.

He was telling me all this shit. I tell you, man, I had tears in my eyes when he was telling me what, I asked him what a daily menu was. Like he said, he came here and saw an Italian sandwich. He goes, That Italian sandwich, I goes, coño, soy italiano, son de binga. That Italian sandwich, coño, I slept for 15 hours. He goes, that was tremendous.

He'd never seen it. How can a man be 48 years old and never see an Italian sandwich? Are you fucking kidding me? I went home. So what kind of menu did he say he had? In Cuba, I think you get a dozen eggs per month. That's it? For a family of five.

Wow. You know, the coffee, you get like one pouch a month, and you have to re-keep. I bought him a cup of coffee. He's like, I tasted the coffee for the first time in my life. You have to keep running the filter through that coffee until there's really nothing left. And then they do things to bring that coffee back. You spray Windex in it or something. Oh, Jesus.

Something fucking ridiculous that you sit there and go, unbelievable what they do for coffee and the liberties we have, you know. Un-fucking-believable. Well, a lot of it was because the U.S. stopped doing trade with them, right? I mean, that was a big part of it. Here's the clink of gas. After the Bay of Pigs? Yeah, yeah, they got nothing. You know, I've heard from people that they went to Cuba

and they've seen Washington apples at the hotels. You know, like the hotels were getting taken care of for tourism. But everybody else lives like savages. But here's where the conversation gets best. The guy's been here eight days He already had a fucking job Already had a fucking job in sea caucus. He's going how's your English? He goes just coming along, but I work with a bunch of Polacks, and they don't speak English

So we're kind of confused, but we make it work. Oh my god. He was fucking hilarious and Joe Rogan You know me dog I turn around I went in my pocket I had two dollar bills in the 20. And I said, do me a favor. I got a sister in Cuba. It would mean the world to me if you took these two yard sticks. And he goes, I can't do it. He wouldn't take my money, dog.

I go, I got a sister in Cuba. You just got here. I go, buy your daughter something nice out of a, you know? I don't know who you are. He wouldn't take my $10. I sat there, and I go, wow, that's pride. That's pride. He wouldn't take my money, dog. and i just yeah you know people ask you for money all the time this guy really needs it he wouldn't take it he still had cuban cigarettes he had not smoking

and that's why i said to him i go go buy yourself a carton of real cigarettes how did he get in his sister his daughter his daughter defected with the mother when she was three. And, you know, they leave. And he stayed and started another family. Wow. Like, that's it. Can you imagine one day? Like, that's it, Mrs. Rogan.

I got to go back and take care. And I'll get you back guys in in three years. Well, a lot of boxers that happened to, what is that trainer? Diaz, the guy who works with Pedro Diaz. Yeah, he works with Vitor. works with a lot of those other guys he he left and left uh family back home they did a one of the boxing pieces the in-depth boxing pieces on him you know he just realized that he just to to fulfill his dream of being a professional boxing trainer he's got to escape that's got to be so hard man to leave your loved ones behind

just because you know your life is fucked here. I wonder if they're going to be able to get back now. How does that happen now? If we opened up a train with Cuba. So they did the first flight of LAX.

You guys saw that. And they gave away little chocolate cigars. It's a fucking party for these people. So are we freely allowed to go to Cuba now? Done. That's it.

You go with the missus.. That's it. Wow. You go with the missus. Right from LAX. Wow. Right from fucking American Airlines. No. No. No.

No. Listen, nine out of ten people will tell you this. Nine out of ten people will go, listen, bro, the poverty breaks your heart. The food kind of sucks. But the people, shit. That's a different level of heart. You sit there and go, wow, these people have nothing. Why do they act this way?

If I had what these people had, I would not be a nice person at all. They say those people, some Eric Meyers, some comic from the store pulled me aside three weeks ago and he goes, hey, man, I want to give you a present. I don't even know the comic. I see him up there a lot i'm saying that's fine and he goes i went to cuba and somebody robbed my thing on the plane and the cuban family took me in for four days and fed me he goes they had like two pork

chops he was telling me he was i never felt that way he goes they're beautiful people everything sucks but the people take it to the next level. Isn't that crazy, though? Because that's what everybody wants. Everybody wants a community filled with really nice people like that. That's what everybody wants. Everybody wants people to look out for each other, warm, friendly, funny people, right? That's it.

So what, I mean, I don't want to say this because I don't believe it, but does communism work? Does it make better people? I mean, if you're in this small environment like that and you're forced to work together because the United States cuts your country off. And so, I mean, I don't know who they do trade with mostly, but that had to hurt them financially. That hurt their quality of life in a big way. Right. But I don't even think they know what communism is. Like the conversations I've had face-to-face with my cousins

when we go for pastrami sandwiches and we went to a Cuban place while they were in L.A., communism didn't come up one time. I don't have the heart to bring it up or what it's like. I don't want to know. But they know that other people can do whatever they want and work at it. What's the place we go to? What's the fucking place we go to for pastrami when we were at the store?

Cantor's. We went to Cantor's, and they started singing Stay Away to Heaven. I almost fucking died. And they had to sneak the album around. Like, they still had albums. We're talking about CDs here? They had vinyl, you know? And they were like, you no idea like if you get caught with that vinyl you go to jail Well, yeah a vinyl we go to jail if having a pound of coke. You know saying a fucking album

You go to jail they write you up. You gotta fucking go through some process You might lose your job, you know And they were singing stay with a heaven and the way they sang it and fucking we hear it is two different worlds, man. It was like they sang it with heart. This was big to them. You know, you don't know the overwhelming feeling when you come to America. People don't know the first time you learn a sentence to a fucking song. You know how big that is?

The first time you learn how to say a fucking song you know how big that is the first time you learn how to say cool cool cool oh cool and then they'll still fuck it up when you get cool you know cool you have no idea what it means to you you know what i'm saying like to really absorb this to be a fucking american is huge to an outsider. We take this for granted every fucking day. I see these jerk-offs walking around. They have no fucking idea. They have no idea. Until you talk to somebody Cuban, or you talk to somebody from a country that they've been kind of fucked up. You know, hey, listen, man, when I was living in Boulder, I don't know nothing to hide. One of my best friends was a bad-ass Muslim dude, and he wasn't radical. The reason

why I'm here is because he taught me how to fucking read and write. He helped me with my GED. His name was Mohammed Zabib. I'll never forget that motherfucker, and I crack jokes on all that shit, but that was my boy when I lived in Boulder. He used to bring me hash. I used to make him smoke reefer. He taught me how to smoke a fucking cigarette with tobacco. You know the Egyptians, whatever those people, they fucking get the fucking tobacco with the weed and the hash. I almost the Egyptians, whatever those people, they fucking get the fucking tobacco with the weed and the hash. I almost had a heart attack, though.

And he's over there blasting this fucking thing like, you know. And I used to talk to him, like, how is it? And he would tell me, look at these fucking unappreciative Americans. He would say it to me all the fucking time. He came here, he was nine nine and the first time he sang a Beatles song he almost fucking died like to sing a whole Beatles song

You know I let it be or something like that that was fucking amazing to him to learn Another language it was so overwhelming you know to come from someplace where you hit gunfire every night Can you imagine living in Israel and hearing machine gun every night? That's how you fucking go to bed and all sudden you come here and you move to Studio City And you're gluten free and shit. I had a friend of mine named Shuki. He was from Israel He was a kickboxing trainer Majiro Jim and he had a place in Tarzana for a while. That's where I met him and he's an Israeli dude and him and and his family, his wife is Israeli, his kids. And I had dinner over his house once after we worked out. And they brought out bongo drums, dude. And they start playing bongo drums. He's playing bongo drums. And his wife starts dancing and his kid gets up and starts dancing. And I was like, wow, like they're not even drunk, dude dude. There's not even any alcohol. We're drinking water. They just start dancing, like, playing the drums and dancing.

And I go, you guys are so happy. Like, you're so, he goes, you know why? He goes, in Israel, I'm doing a terrible accent. In Israel, every day, like, could be death. Every day, could be more war. Every day. So when it's not, it's party, party, party. And that's what he's doing.

They're like eating this cool, they had like Israeli food. You know, I don't want to fuck up the names of the food because it was quite a few years ago. But they were eating like the traditional Israeli food and playing the bongo drums. And the lady was dancing. The little kid, he has a little son. His son was dancing. I was like, wow. Like I felt like, I felt privileged that they had shown me that, you know, like, I don't, I don't know anybody like you. Like,

here I'm hanging out with you. Like, this is their regular night for them. They do this shit all the time. They come home, he comes home from training people. He busts out the bongo drums. The wife starts dancing and they start having a little party. Like, that's just, they're free. They're like loose. And his, the way he described it, he was like, in Israel, it's just they're free they're like loose and his the way he described it he was like in israel it's just so dangerous you know especially this is like uh early 2000s you know it's always dangerous over there though there's always something going on there's always they're always involved in conflict mandatory um military uh is mandatory you have to join the military for a certain many years everybody's military everybody's trained so it's a whole country of like and there's like a deep camaraderie because there's not that many of them and they're a small

Country surrounded by a lot of Arab countries and then you add on top of that the fucking party Did you have you been at the store with Israeli death squad fans come over? Yes, they are remember the people you called me and said they were waiting for you I got stuck at that fucking movie premiere remember those Israelis yeah when Israelis come to the store you better be prepared they fucking come heavy-duty to the store I've been up there a couple Tuesdays and three of them are stuff up on me we're from Israel We're from Israel.

Where's the flying Jew? We want a body. Where's the stars at night? They're fucking nuts. You got to love them. You got to love them. They were comics. From listening to Rogan Experience, they started doing comedy.

I guess Israel's got a big comedy scene there now. It's just starting now. It's just starting, and they fucking want to be rough comics. So the one kid's like, I'm trying to do fucking Hitler jokes, and they're throwing me out of all these places. I'm fucking howling like I'm trying to do fucking Hitler jokes dirty jokes and there is really people throwing me out of restaurants and shit because I'm coming to America I'm coming to you. Nothing but heart. Nothing but heart, these motherfuckers.

I'm sitting there going, oh, no. Where's the flying Jew? We want to meet him. I'm coming to America to do Hitler jokes. Oh, my God. He was pissed, this kid. He was serious. He's like, dog, my comedy's a little rough, man.

He goes, I'm up there doing fucking Nazi jokes. They told me how to look comedy venues. I actually had him on the Ice House Chronicles. Did you? You had that crazy motherfucker? I was like, dude, you there doing fucking Nazi jokes. And he said, they told me how to look comedy venues. I actually had him on the Ice House Chronicles. Did you? You're that crazy motherfucker? I was like, dude, you're only in town once. I'm telling you, you're crazy. What's his name?

What was his name? Nice kid. Nice guy. And there was two guys. There was two guys. Johnny Nice Guy. And then they came. Well, let's find his name out.

A couple weeks ago, a couple weeks ago, a couple came. An Israeli couple came. They had just gotten married on their honeymoon. They came to the comedy came. An Israeli couple came. They had just gotten married on their honeymoon. They came to the comedy store. That was their honeymoon. And they were nuts, bro. They had the bucket with the booze.

They were yelling. They came out, took pictures, hugs, yelling. We love it. Yeah, though, this kid was really. Yeah, yeah, that's right. I'm telling you. That night I left, I was like, this is real. We're getting motherfuckers from Israel to come over here to meet Desquad and Duke Conway.

And he was really funny. He was really funny. Joe, did you stand up? Did he do the show? Yeah, he did Kill Tony. That's how I met him. And then I invited him to the Ice House. Because if somebody does really good on Kill Tony, I'll invite him on to the Friday show. And so he was great.

And he did the podcast and everything. What's his name? I'm looking at Rick. It was a while. He went back to Israel. He's coming back. Because he sent me an email. I had a blast.

That's awesome. You know, we were getting a lot of Australian people showing up at the store. Australian people at the store and at the Ice House, too. And they go on these comedy tourist vacations. Like, Australia, they get, like, a month off of work. Like, they don't, like, we have, we get, if you're lucky, if you have a really good company, you get two weeks off, right?

And they usually encourage you to not take both those weeks, right? They'll incentivize you, right? Isn't that how it works normally? But in Australia, I think they get a whole month off. So I think these motherfuckers just go on vacation. They just go chill places. You know, Joe Rogan, you get into comedy, Jamie, you do well in whatever market you start in,

you come to L.A. or New York and you succeed, and whatever success you think it is, getting on a TV show or movies, which has become a really funny comic and working, I never dreamed of what's going on now. Every time I wake up and my feet hit the floor, I thank God for what's going on now. I don't want to do movies. I don't want to do TV.

I just want this movement to keep growing. This is not what I intended. This don't want to do TV. I just want this movement to keep growing. This is not what I intended. This is all new to me, man. This is all new to me. And nobody asked for this. Most comics ask for success to be rich and famous. The success we're getting is something different, man. We're fucking reaching the globe. You know, in this fucking heyday, and I'm not saying that, you know, yeah, Howard was big here. These little podcasts are reaching the fucking globe, Jorog.

Was that his name? I think so. You know, when I'm at the store and somebody comes up to me from different, from Sweden or Finland or wherever they're from that's not california and they're like we came out to the store to see you and they do they're doing these comedy vacations this is and you get in your car can you pronounce that when you drive home and you

you don't even know where this is coming from somebody last night some girl came from like hong kong and gave me a present up at the fucking Hong Kong Gardens in Mentora last night. She was here for Christmas. She was like, listen to you in Hong fucking Kong. Wow. You never dreamt of that. No. And that's a way different type

of success, man. Well, there's definitely something happening because of these podcasts where you're getting this connection with people. Like, I did shows in Australia, and they might as well have been in Irvine. You know you're getting this connection with people. Like I did shows in Australia, and they might as well have been in Irvine. You know, just a bunch of cool people. They just had different accents. What's his name?

Tal Mordahay? Tal Mordahay Jr. Tal Mordahay. T-A-L-N-A-V-E-J-R on Twitter. All right. All right, all right. I'll check that dude out. But, yeah, no one, we never thought this. I mean, Brian, this is like, we're almost at our sixth anniversary, right? all right. I'll check that dude out. But yeah, we never thought this.

I mean, Brian, we're almost at our sixth anniversary, right? I know. This is our sixth anniversary. It was Christmas Eve, actually. Or is it New Year's Eve? Somewhere around now. Somewhere in this area. I want to say it was the 29th.

No, I remember it was Christmas Eve because it was weird doing it on Christmas Eve. I'm pretty sure it was... It was totally this month. Whenever it was, it was definitely this month. Six years ago. Just fucking around on Ustream. Just answering questions, you know?

Pre-HIV days. Bored. It's just that, man. I had a good time last night. And it's weird. I do this, that Hong Kong Gardens. I'll tell you why I like this place. I like the comedy scene.

Like a Ventura comedy scene. I like the Ventura comedy scene because it reminds me of, they have a porn comic. They have black comics. What's that mean, porn comic? She's a chick that does porn. I was thinking of doing that. Just having two people fucking behind me and me doing like three minutes. It's a good move.

And fucking, and I was just thinking about doing this. What kind of people? Seinfeld does comedy in cars, coffee with cars. I don't want to see nobody drinking coffee. What if I did stand-up and behind me there's a bed

and there's a chick getting plowed for three minutes and I just do a bit and then we fucking end the bit. That's it. Yeah, if you can get them in the right position where your head covers

all the naughty parts. What do you think? Yeah, this is what I'm saying. Like, you just, his, you can see like the top of his ass like ass, like, as he peeks, like, right above the back of your head, and that's it. It's just the top of his ass is all we can see. Listen, YouTube, like, since Anarchy, you can see that guy fucking a chick.

Yeah. They don't show his dick or his pussy. It's like late night cable. It's not HBO. Can't you show, like, a guy's muffler while you're doing stand-up with a suit and a tuxedo on? I don't think you can show buttholes on, but you can't show a butt. Like, as long as you don't show the actual hole. You can show a guy's muffler while you're doing stand-up with a suit and a tuxedo on I don't think you can show buttholes on but you can't show a butt like as long as you don't see the actual hole You could show a naked butt on show to make yeah

Yeah, definitely naked man or woman's butt, but you can't you can't show the hole Yeah, you can during sex you know maybe if they were just sitting there with a butt in the air Maybe but well I think with YouTube all it takes is a few people complaining Yeah And you get taken down like you can get taken down for offensive shit or they make it you click on that thing that says You're over 18 They could set it up like that except that I saw somebody I think Christina Piszczewski Post a natural childbirth video the other day that was on YouTube and that was one of the most graphical

disgusting was one of the most graphical, disgusting things. Yeah, but it's nature. Beautiful. It's nature. But that scene up there, it's just a bunch of young guys at the club broke their balls, and now they have open mics seven nights a week.

So if the club owner wouldn't have broken their balls, these kids wouldn't have done that. You know, you have always been one of those guys that a lot of clubs in the beginning, you know, you were too dirty for a lot of clubs. That's why you worked at Dick Doherty fucking rooms because yeah but it's so weird so when you represent that i'm one of those guys i didn't you know i had a fucking uh seattle underground was the one where i nurtured with ron reed in those days because that was a club and they accepted crazy people but i but i couldn't yeah all of us we were all you know

the difference when you're young and you suck Which is I definitely did and you're not dirty At least you're not hurting anybody's feelings. You know you're not offensive But if you're young and you suck and you're dirty You're disgusting like you're gonna just say the most you're not gonna know where the line is so you're gonna fuck up Yeah, but the first 18 months of my comedy career, I was clean. Until I saw Lenny Clark's video, and then I started going off a little bit more. Really?

18 months? Yeah, because everybody put this fear of God into me. Right, right. So I used to wear like a nerdy suit and go up there and tell fucking jokes about whatever. Well, I've always said that you were the guy that surprised me the most with how you figured comedy out. Like almost you hit this point. Like when I first met you and you were first doing the store, you would be the funniest guy in the world in that parking lot. Like we would all hang out in the parking lot.

You would just be killing everybody in the parking lot. But then you would get on stage and you would stiffen up. Like you didn't have the same relaxed way that you had. No, I couldn't convert what I was doing outside of the stage to the stage. It's funny how I had this

conversation yesterday by a guy named Charlie Barnett. When I watched Charlie Barnett I really, really got it because he was the first guy. you know how people say well He's a one-trick pony Okay But at least he brings himself to Charlie Barnett was a stand-up comic at Washington Square Park with Dave Chappelle as his fucking apprentice Right as his fucking apprentice

Yeah And then he did DC cab and then he did a couple serious seasons of Miami Vice 3 beat up Don Johnson because he was just crazy and no man man whatever his name was but he transformed who he was in the stage and person to the to the screen which is i always looked at that's really hard and that's what i always wanted to do not in the screen but just the stage how to get joey diaz on the stage i didn't really want people to see the real joey diaz i always was ashamed of joey diaz so i didn't people want people to see the real Joey Diaz. I was ashamed of Joey Diaz So I didn't people really want to see Joey Diaz, so I worked clean But then I watched that dice thing again and Lenny Clark because I got on stage because of dice

But people were like oh you don't want to be dirty because people won't give you work So I actually fell for that shit We all did and then I wore the suit like Lenny Clark because I'm But I couldn't sell a joke in the suit even if I fucking wanted to. I couldn't sell it in a suit. And that's where eventually I lost the suit. You know, you just have to lose things. And you're just learning through a process, you know. And at the store, you know where I got it?

In the belly room one night. That's where it came to me. Wheels was doing a show on a Thursday night at 11. There was like 13 people up there. And I was bombing anyway. And I remember I turned to my side. And for some reason, I took myself back to a corner. I watched that movie with Al Pacino about football. And he has a great speech for Jamie Foxx one time. He brings him to the side and he goes, listen, man, we got two minutes on the clock. We're going back to when you were a kid.

Your mom just called you in for dinner. You got one play left. Remember, you used to run to the car and make a left, do the same fucking thing, and he scored a touchdown. And sometimes we forget about that. So what I did was I twisted my body around, and I put myself on the corner of 78 and Kennedy Boulevard, where I used to make fun

of this guy with the limp look at that janitor with the one eye and that's when it started I stopped looking at them and I remembered who I was I was letting them judge me with their eyes and I turned that and I'll never forget that I remember going home and going I'm onto something and then little by little I started being me more up on stage it was real quick and i stopped listening the problem is we listen well they won't do this unless you're clean oh if you go for a showcase at the improv you can't do this you have to be yourself and unless you're going to be yourself you'll never move forward you never move forward in comedy yeah you have to tap into this if you don't.

And everybody did it. Everybody goes up there doing hokey jokes in the beginning. It's no shame. It's no embarrassment. You do topical material and shit. But once you start comparing that topical material with what's going on in your life and you open that up, it becomes a monster. It takes a long time, though. Or it takes some people longer than others

but it's the work joe rogan it's always been the work man you know i was watching chapelle the on that on stage jesus christ joe i see the 30 years i see your 20 years but i see his 30 years i see that six a five year difference he looks at a joke really differently well he says he was great even when he was 19. yes he was he's just always had comedy club in 93 for men in tights i paid it was him nick napalo what an open mic and he always had something yeah he's got a way of telling stories too he's got a genuinely appealingaling way delivers his material like it makes you wanna laugh, but you have a lot of that too, man You have a lot of that too. You have a lot of genuinely appealing you have a different kind of chaos when you're on stage What I was gonna say is that it happened really quick

Like you were you went from being a guy who had a really hard time on stage most of the time and then all of a sudden you were murdering man just murdering just murdering i remember one time uh we we were doing gigs together like we were doing gigs together in the 90s 98 yeah the late 90s we did some road gigs, did a bunch of road gigs. And I remember when I knew that you had caught fire because we were in New Jersey. And I think this might have been even before Fear Factor. We were in New Jersey, and you just caught fire. We were at that Old Rascals.

And I went, whoa. And I remember thinking, like, Joey just fucking hit this totally different level. Like, you just figured out how to be you. And you were on stage. And a lot of it is because you're in Jersey, you know. And there were animals. You remember that club?

That club was filled with savages. It was so fun. That Rascals Club, Jesus Christ, that was fun. Where was that? West Orange. Yes, West Orange. God damn. And then there was the other one down the shore, which wasn't, it was really fun, but it was more like white people.

It was like more relaxed. That one was filled with all sorts of freaks. It was a great club. And down the block was like a strip club from that one, like a really cold strip club with Russian chicks. They had no heck in there. They had no heat. And the other comic took me in there. I forget who the headliner was.

I was freezing in there. Freezing. That was a creepy. But it was a fun rascals. All those rascals. What was the dude's name that ran it again? The guy with the beautiful hair? Hairdew. What was his name? He'll call me today.

Okay. I have his number in there. I'll not forget his name. He'll call me today to wish me a Merry Christmas after all those years. That's awesome. Because somebody will tell him that. Last time or the time before we mentioned him, he called me that night.

He owns a restaurant now in Jersey. Really? He goes, it does something. You should visit him. The busboys went in there going, oh, my God, Joe Rogan was talking about you. Some young college kids are like his waiters or waitresses or whatever the fuck they are. He was always a good dude. He was always a good dude.

or waitresses or whatever the fuck they are. He was always a good dude. He was always a good dude. It's great to go down to the store now and just sit in the back and watch comedy and not say a word

and watch like, the other night, I watched Norm, I watched Arsenio, and I watched Ron White. I watched, you know, he's talking about

he should have taken the money now. Dave Chappelle. I almost fucking died because I should have taken the money. I should have put my two feet down and taken the money he's the interesting guy isn't he because he doesn't really put material out anymore he's just killing it writing new shit killing it everywhere but he's not like doing

specials I wonder if he's like thinking about doing a special oh I'm sure they've made him ten offers yeah but I mean I wonder if he's like thinking about doing a special. Oh I'm sure they've made him 10 offers to do a special. Yeah but I mean I wonder if he even wants to because he's so he's so different than anybody like you can't predict that guy like his what he's done so far is so unusual like they offer him this big money to do this thing he's like you know what fuck this I'm going to Africa. He goes to Africa you know and then he starts doing shows in parks like Dave will have people, maybe you've never heard these stories, but he would show up with a PA system, like a little portable PA system in a park in Seattle,

and he would put this little PA system down and just start doing stand-up in the park. Can Jeremy find something for me on YouTube? Yeah, sure. Jeremy, can you look at Charlie Barnett on Washington Square Park? Yeah, I've met Charlie. No, I met him. I mean, it's, just to show Redman the gift.

Well, tell everybody what he used to do. He used to do shows outside, just like he would just show up and he would drop his hat on the ground. And like do a stand-up comedy routine and ask people to contribute, throw money in his hat. Wait, look at this. This is why, I used to go to McSorley's and get eight volumes for $10 and three mugs for a dollar. Bring it back to the beginning, Jimmy, and put the volume up so we can hear it.

The volume's not working? We had some form of a sound issue, ladies and gentlemen. But what we're seeing, for people that are just listening, is this guy, Charlie Barnettett who has since passed away he's wearing like some red track pants and a white t-shirt and a white baseball hat and he's got this in huge group of people circling him and he's in the middle of a park he just set up and he's doing stand-up comedy like he's he's

doing with no microphone. Here he goes. Puerto Ricans! Puerto Ricans! We got a lot of fucking Puerto Ricans! But I'm not going to fuck with the Puerto Ricans, man, because y'all born with knives. Y'all cut me up and I won't even know what you're saying. Me to me to the casino. And when you finish, you go, que pasa, bro? You'll cut me up and I won't even know what you're saying. You know, that's the point. People would just go down at you.

And when you finish, you go, Que pasa, bro? Because I got into a fight with a Puerto Rican kid, and I was winning. I was bouncing around like Sugar Ray Leonard. I was bam, bam, bam. He was only about that tall. Then all of a sudden, he went like this.

And I was surrounded by a small Puerto Rican family of 4,000. I like everything, man. Let me borrow it, okay? So he would do these shows. I like the way white women walk with their pocketbook when there's no Negroes around. I don't see no niggers. You know what else I like about New York? I like the way different nationalities go to work. Everybody goes to work different.

For instance, Caucasian businessman. I need some white people glasses. He's like walking around borrowing shit from people. He's been holding this lady's purse. What year is this? This has to be 85. Look at this. Damn, you can't see shit. I was born in Washington in 83. lady's purse what year is this how do white guys go to work they got their briefcase I do walk just like the white man going to work watch this white guys just like the white man going to work watch this white guys

oh this is so corny i love when they stand on a coin and go yeah and how do black folks go to work we be talking about it i should get there by payday just to show people what it was I mean this is a guy outside listen the reason why you have a microphone is for control yeah he had no microphone he's still fucking control you didn't see no I mean he got to the point where people were going down there this is by like a college and my friend was a junkie and I was like 16 and he used to go come over the city with me and I'll buy you some Valiums I'll go into the park I'll get heroin and wait for me

at the bar he would get me served he'd get me three mugs of Budweiser and I'd sit there he'd come back when the second mug was gone give me my eight pills I'd take two of them and then he'd go shoot heroin and I'd go fuck it let me go walk around the park. And I saw this. One time I saw this. And I was in shock. I'm like, I didn't like stand-up comedy. I knew none. I knew Richard Pryor and George Carlin and David Brenner.

And I'm watching this guy going, what the fuck is this? And next thing you know, I sat down. I started getting high, and I watched it. And I asked around. They said, he's here every weekend or something, and this is what he does. Then years later, I found out that he would do that for four or five hours, but he would take breaks and Dave Chappelle Coming as a young kid Dave Chappelle would take the bus from DC or something and go up there and do little sets in between That's he died. He died from the banging. Yeah, he died from the Hiv. He's the real deal that dude He was an old New York icon icon type junkie yeah he was a

heroin guy right a heroin guy but it was just weird that he did i watched all those i didn't know that somebody had taped them that's amazing i did a show with chapelle in montreal at the comedy festival in the 90s forget what year it was but after the show was over we did it at club soda we go downstairs and dave just uh puts on on a show on the street in Montreal. People just walking by. It's like, gather round, gather round. And he just starts doing stand-up. He did stand-up for like 20 people on the street. You know, like he incorporated like this, there was a telephone pole. He incorporated the pole into his routine. He had a hat. He put the hat down, asked people to put money in it. He just got off stage.

So he did a professional show, went downstairs, was outside, and just said, fuck it. I'm going to do my own impromptu show out here on the street. It was fascinating. I mean, who other than Charlie and him have you ever even heard of doing that? I mean, sure, some people have done it, but those are the only two guys I've ever heard. Who was the black guy that did Venice Beach all the time?

Michael Collier? Yes, yes. Been to a bunch of movies and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true, right? He did a bunch of different stuff. Did you ever have to do a show outside? Oh, yeah, yeah.

He did the Milwaukee one for a bunch of kids and shit out in the tent. But did you ever do a little something? Summerfest. Like, I had to do comedy on a bus one time for people. For people going to, like, a Disney event. They called me up when I was in New York, 75 bucks, like, for an hour. Oh, man.

Get on the bus and go from Seacaucus to New York and three comics, got to get up and do comedy. What a fucking bombing that was. That was a bombing experience, bro. Jesus Christ. Those gigs. I did a spot at the New York Comedy Club one time, and after I get off, I probably got eight minutes

dog. And six of it is just god awful. And I get off the stage and some guy's like, hey man, do you want to do my wife's birthday party? I'm like, sure. And he's like, what do you want? I'm like, I don't know. What do you use? He goes, I'll give you like $1,500. I said, done.

He gives me the address. It's Alpine, New Jersey. off 9W. You make the right bangle with cliffs. I fucking take a cab up there. I'm about to score 1,500. Man, you know me. At that time, I'm still looking for purses. I was still a half of little fucking klepto.

So, like, you ready to go? Yeah, where's the microphone? They're like, there's no microphone. You got to go over by the pool. On the other side of the pool, there's rocks. And stand on top of the rocks. It's a stand-up comedy. They were 80 yards away from me.

I'm up there telling Godzilla jokes. Dying a slow death of death. Godzilla jokes. I get off. I was so embarrassed. That the guy's like, listen, I only got like $900 in cash. You want a check? I go, no, no, no.

Just give me the $900. I'll take it. I took that $900, and I walked. I started walking. Some guy hitchhiked and picked me up. no, no. Just give me the $900. I'll take it. I took that $900 and I walked. I started walking. Some guy hitchhiked and picked me up and I fucking made him drop me at the bridge. And I walked over the bridge and got like an eight ball of coke. I was so embarrassed. Did you really have Godzilla jokes?

Oh, yeah. I used to have a Godzilla. Do you remember what it is? Yeah. That Godzilla would never attack New York City. Okay. Because can you imagine Godzilla coming out of the Hudson and going rawr awesome all the pollution and shit he go like this and

go back in the water horrible that was my big joke that was my big joke that was it that was it I thought that was and you know at that time the Puerto Rican something happened with the Puerto Rican Navy. They bumped into a barge, like some Puerto Rican cruise boat bumped into a barge on the New York side, and they broke the barge, so everybody on the boat had to jump. At the time, everybody had to jump into the fucking water, and that was the joke. I said, you know, last Tuesday in New York, a bus full of cruise boat of Puerto Ricans hit the thing 40 Puerto Ricans in the Hudson that's nothing new that was my other big closer that was it that's nothing new it's environmental and race that's it

somebody told me they'd clean it up the Hudson is that true they couldn't clear out the Hudson they wanted to. You know how many fucking sperm loads I shot in there off the Binghamton boat when I was a kid? I used to go to the Binghamton boat for dinner, and they had a movie theater in Edgewater, New Jersey. Edgewater is Copland, where they shot Copland. That's what Edgewater was supposed to be. And my friend had a restaurant, H&B Diner. I used to go down there.

Exactly where they shot that bar, I used to go in there and buy little bottles of blackberry brandy for us when we were kids. And they redid all that shit down there. Have you seen that in New York? No. That is beautiful fucking now. That's where I stay now.

I stay in Edgewater. Really? I take the ferry over. How long does that take? The ferry? Yeah. Ten minutes. I take the ferry over.

I jump in my fucking cab I go to 20th Street. I do Gotham. I do the stand I take the cab back to the ferry how hard would it be to live in New York and take a boat across from New Jersey? Every day people do it every day back how many people as a matter of fact I gave the car I gave the car to a lot of people but I gave the car to Ari I would think that that would be like a smart move. Yeah. You get a place in Jersey. Just sit in your own boat. You get a boat. Yeah, you go across the river. And drive across to the Hudson Docket and then go do your thing?

Yeah. Is that what Louie does? Isn't he a big boat guy? He has his own boat? He definitely has a boat. I don't know if that's what he does. I think he lives in Manhattan, though. But, I mean, I feel like it wouldn't be that hard to get across that water.

Like, it's just water. Just get across. It's Like, it's just water. Just get across. It's way better than those stupid bridges. Like, if you could figure out a way to, like, to live like that, just take Ubers on one side, park your car on the other, like, that's the way to go, right? I love New York, but they're taking that city down eventually. You don't need to be a genius or a scholar in nostradamus

stupid joey deers when you pull up the lincoln tunnel now dog there's guys in full gear with nazi helmets machine guns under their arms and dogs and they go up to every car dog and there's 50 of them the bridges you see them everywhere when i went to take my wife to the tree and the Saks Fifth Avenue, you could see the motherfucking snipers up on the fucking roofs, dog. And when you're walking around New York, you're like, I could see this.

They're really going after the bridge. Like my friends work. Oh, Gino. They work at Hoboken and all those guys. And when I did the whatever factory now, I guess all these cops have to do details because they want to take that bridge out, though. And they want to take that fucking bridge out and that tunnel.

That's going to be a nightmare. When I was walking around New York, I could see it. I could see how it could go down, man. That's a big city with a lot of fucking people, Joe Rogan. It's tough to control all those people in that area. It's so much different than any other city, too. My God, man. When you get there, the magnitude of it all just kind of sets in.

You're like, no wonder why people can't leave this place. If you get used to this, there's no place like that place. Never. It's so bizarre. It's 7 million-plus people smushed into the smallest little area. It's not that big. If you look at all the buildings that are tucked in, I remember I had a hotel room once and it was on a corner and it was in the, it was like, sometimes it's cool to be on the outside. Like I had a friend

who lived in Brooklyn and he had a cool view from the river. Like you look from his apartment, you see the whole city skyscraped, the whole skyline. It was pretty beautiful, but there's something cool about being in the middle of it all. this uh this hotel i stayed at was on a corner and i'd like look out the window on both sides and just fucking it's like a science fiction movie just giant constructed buildings to the left and to the right and you're in the middle of all of it hundreds and hundreds of windows everyone looking out at each other everyone's in there watching their little TV shows, doing their little thing, but you're in the middle of all of it, like this crazy sci-fi beehive type thing.

You know, and where we live, you know, we drive to each other's houses. There's like a yard. There's a space. You're pulling your driveway. Hey, come on in, you know, park in the driveway. It's like normal stuff, you know, like, oh, you get out of the house, hey, this is your house.

Right over there, that's his house. And no, it's fucking stacked. Everybody's know, like you get out of the house. Hey, this is your house right over there That's his house and no it's fucking stacked everybody stacked stacked on top stacked on top of stacked smashed together stacked stacked stacked Everybody jammed in these boxes Cars little fucking yellow cars and ubers everywhere on the ground No one gets anywhere when gridlock hits. Crosstown traffic. The reason why Hendrix wrote that fucking song, and that was in the 70s, okay? In the 60s, I guess he wrote it, right? When you're in the Manhattan gridlock crosstown traffic,

you're like, this is insane. Like, why the fuck would anybody live here? You can't go anywhere. It's just jam, jam jam those things jam jam jam jam It was moving anywhere and there's so many fucking people and every week there's delis and restaurants and Storage units and parking lots and fucking this business and that business this door in that pool. It's all just Just a vortex of energy just what they want for that fucking shit Incredible we were an edgewater just driving around, and we saw this thing. The next day, I go, ask around, Terry.

Go on the computer. Like, two days later, she's like, oh, my God. Just to move in there, they want a half a mil. And then whatever your mortgage is, it's $1,700 flat just for maintenance fees. Yeah, a lot of that. A lot of maintenance fees. Maintenance fees a month, $1,700. And that's if you don't use the gym

or the pool or the garage. If you use all that stuff, there's another $890 fucking fee. This fee, you gotta buy the water from them. She goes, it was fucking crazy. And at the end of the day, you got a motherfucking apartment. That's all

you got. You can call it condo, whatever the fuck you want to call it. It's a fucking apartment, my friend. And yeah, you got the view of the Manhattan skyline. That's what you're paying for, the view. I mean, think about how much one of those big apartment buildings must be worth. Because every one of those units is a million bucks. Million bucks. Or more.

A lot of them, much more. I saw some that were like $5 million. You've got to be kidding. This is a normal apartment in Silver Lake. And it was like $5 million. This is crazy. I couldn't live like that. Could you?

I could live like that if I had the experience of living there. Like if it was normal to me. if I had the experience of living there, like if it was normal to me. Like I think the people that do live there, when you get used to driving around on the subway, riding around in cabs, you get used to where all the clubs are, you do your little routine, you get in the airport to take off to cities and you work the road, you get used to it. You get used to it like a tell does it.

A lot of those other guys do it. But once you get used to space and once you get used to being able to dip out and dip back in without that much trouble, it's way easier to live in the valley and then drive into the store on a Friday night than it would ever be if you live somewhere like that equally far away from Manhattan and you wanted to get in to do a spot. That's a two-hour proposition. You've got to be ready. You've got to be ready

to enter that machine. Especially if you're going to do it at 7 o'clock at night. So what time are you going to leave your house? Are you going to leave your house at 5.30 for your 7 o'clock show? Then you leave your wallet at home. You forget your phone in the driveway. It makes sense to hit and hit let's say if you're hitting

let's say you live in brooklyn you gotta take the train in to new york manhattan something like that right you get used to that i think the television like in brooklyn or something like that right even if he just takes the train in you do four or five spots he does the cell of the stand you know yeah you do a couple spots and get back on your train and go home at 1.30. Now with Ubers, too, it's just so easy to do it. It's so easy to just, you know, use your app. Your car shows up in a couple of minutes. This is so much less hassle, you know, especially because, like, with cabs, you don't know if a cab's coming. So what are you going to do in Manhattan?

Are you going to call a cab company, say, come get me on this? Nobody ever does that. You try to flag one. So you try to find one. You go walking around looking for one. But just you just press a button on your phone and they're like we'll be there in three minutes all right cool because of new york the cabs are getting easier to get i got a cat every time i want it this time yeah real competition zero to 100 real quick you ever take u yet? I take it one time.

I took a black one time tour. I've taken it a few times in New York. I use it all the time in New York. I could do it. I think I could do it. Like, Ari's enjoying it. He's enjoying it. He likes doing it. It would be harder for me because I have kids.

I just don't think New York's the best place for kids. And maybe I'm wrong. Just because, first of all, that brake dust can't be good for you. And there's brake... If you feel like finding out what the fuck you breathe, go look at your wheels. Look at your car's wheels and just stick your finger inside the rim and get that black shit all over your finger.

It doesn't just go on your wheel and stick there only. No. As you see crazy traffic on Fifth Avenue or something like that, you see Broadway traffic, just bam, bam, bam, bam, you're breathing in brake dust. 100%. That stuff's in the air. So it's not just the carbon fuel,

the residue, the exhaust from cars, whatever fires are being burned, whatever gas ovens, it's not just that. It's break dust. Break dust is everywhere. And you're getting that shit in your lungs, 100%.

It's not good for you. It's just not. And they've shown, there's studies that think that living in a high populated city like New York can take as much as 10 years off your life, just living there, doing exactly the same thing, living the exact same choices, but living in a polluted environment like downtown LA it's probably a good example that right downtown gets funky you know it gets fucking polluted but it's still more open than say New York or anything like that you could at least see the sky sometimes you can sometimes you can but

LA gets pretty stinky man LA can get bad. If we get stagnant and the winds don't blow and the pollution just sits, you know how you crest, like if you come over from like Encino and you see the valley and you see that fucking horrible brown cloud? That's real. That's not an illusion. And you don't see that in the desert. If you go out where there's no people, that doesn't exist. Like that exists because of people burning things.

You're breathing that in. Everyone's breathing that in. In 93, I lived in New York, and I would get up at 7 and go into the city. I lived in Cliffside, but I worked in New York. And I'd go into New York and bum around, and then sometimes I'd take a shower at the gym. I joined the boxing gym, and I just would go there for the locker, basically. I would hit the bag a little. I didn't know what I was doing, And I would fucking just go out at night.

And I remember sometimes I wouldn't take a shower at the gym at 6. Like, I was busy. And I'd get home at 11, and I'd take a shower. And you'd see what would come out of my hair. And I'd just be walking around Manhattan, guys. I didn't go anywhere else. I'd just be walking around Manhattan getting cabs, doing this, dropping off packages. It was, you could see.

I didn't do anything. Residue. It was this darkness. Like, it was like, Jesus Christ, where the fuck have I been? Yeah. I got used to it after a while, but it really stuck with me.

Like, just walking around Manhattan six or seven hours would do this to me. Like, it really, I would get more blackheads there. My hair, like, when you wash wash it you would see the fucking dirt like just not real a lot of dirt But you see that you have something on your skin Let me ask you this does this make sense to you they can make a big giant building like the Empire State Building They can make a big-ass building. Why can't they make a big-ass air filter? Well if you're gonna put up that many buildings and have that many people and that many cars,

how about you build a giant air filter? I mean, like, they sell air filters for your house. Like, my daughter's allergic to cats, we're finding out. So, you know, we have two cats. And so now we have to shave the cats. So we've been shaving them. First of all, it's adorable when you see them. The lion cuts.

Yeah, they get the lion cuts. And then the other thing is when you shave them, it's just almost like skin. So it's just a little bit of fur. And it must feel so much better when you pet them. Because when I pet, especially like the little girl, well, the big one, the boy too. But when I pet them, they just start fucking writhing like you're making them cum. They're like, they love it. They love it. They love it when you're petting them, when you've shaved them come. They're like... They love it. They love it.

They love it when you're petting them, when you've shaved them all down. But we have this air cleaner that we have to put in her bedroom because she starts sneezing and shit. We're finding out that she's not terribly allergic, but allergic enough, so we have to figure out what to do.

But they make these air filters. It makes a big difference. You put them in your room, it sucks all the dander and all the stuff out of the air, cleans it. It seems like if you can make a giant ass building, why can't you make a giant

ass air filter that sucks all that dirty, brown, stinky air out and cleans it? That can't be impossible to do. It just doesn't seem like it should be. If you can make a big building, and you can make a big fan, you can make a big fucking air cleaner. Can't you? It makes sense. But then you'd have to

clean it every two minutes or something. Coming from the man who brought you parachutes on commercial airplanes. That sucks, but a lot of people get used to the cat, you know, allergies. I know a lot of ex-girlfriends that would first, like, hey, I'm allergic

to cats, and then after a few years or whatever, they would stop being as allergic though a lot of yeah you vaccinated them with your dick yeah that's what it is slowly but surely you can't feel anything anymore that non-cat allergy dna into their body and they assimilate it i was at a gas station the other day and they were selling poppers and i recently was at a male nitrate you mean yeah and sure yeah it said popper it even said like it was like the little jar and everything and it's like and i went to a party party and actually saw my first person actually using poppers.

Yeah, but I guarantee that's not the same thing. I guarantee the stuff they're selling at a gas station is not like amyl nitrate. That's highly illegal. Is it? Yeah. I think what they're doing is there's, you know how those boner pills, like you buy boner pills at the gas station and, you know, they pretend they're herbs, but it's really Cialis or Viagra or something like that. I think what these things are is something similar to that.

Just how like bath salts were never really bath salts. They could just call it whatever they want. They can call it poppers. What were they? As long as it's not amyl nitrate. What was bath salts really? Bath salts was, they would call it bath salts so they could sell it. They would say not for human consumption. But what it really is was they had done something to meth. So they would say, like, this is an idiot's way of describing this, right?

Let me get that out of the way. When you describe something like a molecule, like the chemical that your brain produces, dimethyltryptamine, it's NN dimethyltryptamine. That's illegal. But there's a thing called 5-MeO dimethyltryptamine. It's NN dimethyltryptamine. That's illegal. But there's a thing called 5-MeO dimethyltryptamine that's legal because they fucked up and they didn't list it. So you could get that stuff and it's like a cousin of DMT. It's called 5-MeO DMT. Well, that's similar to what they did with this meth thing. They would take meth and then they

would just change a little bit of it, add an oxygen molecule, add a carbon molecule, whatever they have to do. And that turns it into something different. So it's not illegal, but it'll fuck you up. Fuck, like face-eating fuck you up. So then they sell it as bath salts, saying, yeah, throw this in the bath, hop in there. Wink, wink. And everybody knows you're just going to go smoke it and they smoke this stuff and it blows their fucking brains out

because they don't even know what it is but you're selling like high potency meth at truck stops i mean that's what they're selling it they were selling those little convenient marks those weird 24-hour gas stations that's where they were selling it and you could just go in and buy meth but through a loophole. And so all these people were buying this shit. That's how much of an idiot I am. For years, you go into a place on the East Coast and they always had a rose in the tube.

Yeah, it's a crack pipe. I didn't know that. Yeah. It's not really a rose. You throw that fucking rose away and smoke crack out of that thing. It's a crack pipe. You didn't know that, Brian? No, I didn't know that's awesome. Well, I knew it because my friend Johnny

was a crackhead. Can you believe that? Yeah. And they sell, right? How many stores do you go to and you're like, a rose.

Who would buy a rose? A fucking crackhead would. They had to figure out a way to sell those things legally. So they sold like a little tiny glass vase with a rose on it.

I should have bought some of these because it was in West Hollywood and they were lined up and they had different logos on it. Just like have bought some of these because it was in West Hollywood and they were lined up and they had different logos on it. Just like, yeah, I have seen those. Come on, man.

Those are DMT pipes too. That's what you smoke DMT out of. How crazy is that? That's the loophole right there. Yeah. That's the beauty about paying a nickel and getting an attorney and sit with them and going, how can I sell this? Put a flower in it, son.

It's so fucking great. It's beautiful. Can you believe Brian? I'm fucking 40 when I found that. Don't feel ashamed. I'm supposed to be the king of swinging. I'm like, that's a fucking crack. It is hilarious. I keep on finding out these horrible things that I should have known a long time ago, like

on the toaster, the one through ten. That's how many minutes. It's not like hot and cold, you know? Is it really? Oh, i thought it was the darkness of the toaster yes that's what i thought really yeah i wonder why i was like why does seven take so long i'm such a fucking idiot i'm making toast going jesus christ i need a faster toaster yeah something that gets you a seven quicker yeah i had no idea that the little thing when you zip up your pants, the little knob thing, if you put it down, that locks your zipper.

Down? Like when you're zipping it up, the handle, if you put the handle down, it locks your zipper. Do you usually zip it up? You just kind of zip up your pants and not think about it, and then later you're like, why is my zipper down? It's because you didn't just do that extra little- No, that one I knew.

That one I knew. You did know that one? Yeah. All right. I knew you did know that one. Yeah This this handle thing like this right here. Yeah, thanks this you put it down put it down it locks it That's the lock it that's the lock. That's the whole technology. Oh, I see so it can't unlock until you lift it up. Yes I have like five more I just realized what I'm trying to do it, when it's bent down, that I literally can't unzip my pants. Fascinating. Yes. I had no idea.

Well, it makes sense, right? Otherwise, it just wouldn't work. Zippers are bullshit. I'm tired of zippers, man. I fucking hate fucking zippers, too. My zipper's always down. Someone's always like, your zippers are down, man. Now it's not.

And it's also, I don't think it matters because I wear these goddamn stretchy pants. All my pants are like fake jeans. They look like jeans. They're fake jeans. I had one that I was wearing that had fucking, it had a tie. It was a diesel, a pair of diesel, and they stretch. And you tie them like sweatpants. And I would show people, and they would scream, no.

They would scream, no. No, you can't wear that. You can't wear that. You're wearing stretchy pants with a tie. I would show people, and they would scream, no. They would scream, no. No, you can't wear that. You can't wear that. You're wearing stretchy pants and a tie. I'm like, why? Why can't I wear that? That's so funny. People would sing, like these girls at the comedy store, like, you can't wear those.

You can't wear those. I'm like, I'm wearing them. Why can't I wear them? Why can't I wear... You can't wear pants and a tie. Those jeans look great. These are fucking fantastic. Those jeans look great.

They look real. You got me hooked on them. I don't have the good kind like that. And you order them online? Yeah. I have no affiliation with this company. They're called Barbell Jeans. Yeah. They're great. I love them. They're so stretchy. They're so stretchy. They move like sweatpants.

They feel like there's no resistance. Like where I wear normal pants, I feel like I'm wearing a straight jacket now. It's like wearing pajamas outside. I got a new company that I'm, it's also, but this is a sponsor of the podcast. It's called Mizzen and Main, and they make these clothes that are made out of this really light, stretchy material. Like a button-up shirt. But you know a button-up shirt's always like, it looks like a normal button-up shirt.

But you don't feel anything. You move with it. It's like a light cotton t-shirt. It's amazing. It stretches. It moves with you everywhere you go. It's like a light cotton t-shirt. It's amazing. It stretches. It moves with you everywhere you go. Like, I'm like, I just want... Does it have the thickness look of it?

Or is it like, you know, you have a buff body or your nipples are showing through it? My nipples probably definitely show through it because my nipples are ferocious. But it looks like a regular shirt. It doesn't look like anything unusual about it. But I'm that close to going fucking sweatpants and fanny pack everywhere. I'm that close. I'm that close

to just completely throwing in the towel and getting an old school surprise track suit. Yeah, yeah. I want to see a walking stick. I might even get like some yellow

Hunter S. Thompson glasses. Like just yellow and wear them indoors, outdoors, everywhere. Just fuck it. And instead, you know how Hunter S. Thompson always had the cigarette lighter?

That's a vapor pen. Instead of the cigarette holder, it's the same thing as a vapor pen. Just going full, yellow glasses, tracksuit, fanny pack. That's my new look. Toe shoes. I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna wear those Vibrams, those five-finger shoes. You have those already? Fuck yeah, I have those.

And where you wearing them at? Nowhere. I hide those things. I don't want anybody seeing me in them. You keep them at the house? Those fucking glasses. There's something about when you're wearing glasses like that, you have no business in reality. You're not doing business in reality. You're here for your own thing. You're here to party.

That's so crazy. That guy was the best. This guy was fucking. He was the best. But he would wear those yellow glasses. I got to be honest with you guys. When I saw him, I didn't know who the fuck he was. You saw him in real life in Woody Creek, right? Yeah, I saw him.

I didn't know who the fuck he was. Oh, man. And then somebody told me, and then I went back down there, and then I saw Bill Murray at that fucking place. You know, Bill Murray would go visit him. Oh, yeah. Everybody would go visit him. People would go visit him.

How crazy is that? Have you ever read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? No, it's been years. God damn, it's good. It's good, dude. He's got some great passages in it. There's some great moments

that he captured on paper that just make you go, fuck. He had this ability to hit these rare patches of insight. Rare areas. You just break into these rare areas and make these passages, make these paragraphs, and you just go, whoa, god damn.

Like, talking with him must have been fucking fascinating. I read the biker book. Yeah, Hell's Angels? That was one of the first books I read. I didn't care who the author was. I didn't even know what an author was at that time. What that book was, though, was like a much more of a regular journalism book. It was a book about the Hells Angels.

They had disputed some of the facts in it. They said that a lot of stuff he made was made up, and he tried to make it all look a lot different than it really is. And the evidence to that was when he started doing his best work was all that. His best work was like Fear and Loathing and the Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved. Fear and Loathing on the campaign trail. Like that stuff where he combined fiction and reality. Like that guy sunk presidential candidates.

There's this guy named Ed Muskie who was running for president. And Mahanaris Thompson started talking about him bringing in a Brazilian doctor because he's addicted to Ibogaine. So he starts spreading these stories about these rumors that there's a Brazilian doctor coming to visit Ed Muskie, and he starts having fucking mental breakdowns. This guy's on the campaign trail, and he's reading these stories about him bringing in some Brazilian doctor, and he's fucking falling apart. Hunter's just making it up.

He's just making up all this shit about him having an Ibogaine addiction and that when he was on stage, you could see him in the full grips of an Ibogaine addiction. Nobody even knew what the fuck Ibogaine was. And so he just made up this rumor. And then when they asked him about it, he goes, no, there really was a rumor. And I started the rumor. It's just like you would joke around about mixing reality and fiction. And he would combine the two of them together.

Like he was the only guy that ever did that. And openly did it. Like you would read it and he would call it gonzo journalism. And you would know that as you were reading it, that this wasn't all real. Like some of this stuff was just complete total fantasy. You know? We were right outside of barstow when the bats what is it when the drugs begin to take hold like those stories about like all the the different

shit that they had in the trunk when they were headed to vegas from barstow the bats in the air the fucking acid trip in the in the reception area of the vegas hotel when he's like screaming out about golf shoes he sees everybody turning to lizards like this is fucking bizarre bizarre shit you know he was a very very unusual guy he took a lot of asses bro he did but he went a different way with it what's really fascinating about him he went like guns and fucking living in the woods and just blowing your brains out with cocaine every night like he went a totally different way with it he didn't go like the kumbaya way

you know like all these other dudes they got together and they they sat indian style and they they played indian music and chimes and burned incense and they went the spiritual route and he just he went the other way the total other way he went get acid and then get a gun and then go outside He was shooting golf balls. Yeah, like to put him in the hole. He was playing golf with a gun So he would shoot the balls to put him in a hole or something like that. Just shit that it was You know, I was living in Snowmass Village, and I was hearing different rumblings. I was still 19 or 20, so I don't know if I was allowed in that bar that much. I would just go in there with Kato, my man Kato, and get weed.

That was it. That was it. His name was Keith Korn, and he would take me. Keith Korn, his life's mission was to get the best weed in Colorado. I told him, from now on, you get a bag of weed, knock on my door, I'll give you the 40 bucks. So he would come to me and go, there's this guy in Woody Creek, he's got this weed, it's killing people, we gotta go down to the tavern.

And it was Hunter? No, no, it wasn't Hunter that was selling it. It was a dishwasher or something that was selling weed there or something. How far was that from where you were living? Maybe 10 minutes down Snowmass Village Hill and then go a loop around and then go into Woody Creek. So you lived in Boulder and you lived in Aspen?

I lived in a town called Besalt first, right around the corner from Goldie Hawn and motherfucking Kurt Russell on the river, whatever river that was. Besalt is a... What's that? Is it Golden Pond? No, Bes a golden pond. No, it's a river This is route 82 which is one of the most dangerous

Country so it goes north and south this is Aspen right straight ahead You have to go up three miles to go to Snowmass village And then you have to go over here to go to Woody Creek. But Besalt was down here about 40 minutes from town, and you had to go up an upper hill. And in that hill, there was maybe a gun store and a restaurant, but there was a place. I was a New York City fucking kid.

And when I first saw this, I got addicted to this worst in cocaine. I would walk from Besalt every day and walk from Holland Hills. That's where I lived In fact Dean Cain had a home there And back there you go in there you get together bro This is the best idea I'd smoke homegrown The girl next to me was growing homegrown and she cut it with a scissor and they got me more high than this shit I'm paying fucking fifty for now. This shit was fucking deadly.

I was an eighteen-year-old kid, and I would walk, I'd give this guy seven dollars, and he'd give me a fishing pole. And I'd throw it into the roaring creek, and after two minutes, an idiot, a blind moron could catch a trout. And he'd come over, he'd say, I got something!

And he'd come over, and he'd help you. Oh, shit, a little trout. He'd take it off for you, cook it, and then cook it, and then give you potato salad, bread, and beans, and you'd have your own fish that he'd grill up for you. Really? Right there? 1983. I was hooked on that. I wouldn't even get a job.

I took all my savings, and I would go there. That was my exercise, to walk down there, get a fish, and walk home. Walk down there, get a fish, and then the animals would come home, and I would go there. That was my exercise, to walk down there and get a fish and walk home. Walk down there and get a fish. And then the animals would come home and we would squat. We would squat and do deadlifts and fucking cleans. My roommates, they're in there shooting D-ball, shooting Decker and eating Winnie V to chop up. It was amazing.

That's all I ate was trout. I never heard of that. And over here is Old Snowmass. And they used to have a gas station there. And the guy's from New York, so it was always New York time in there. It was so bizarre. And he sold sad bread hot dogs there in 1982. There were that much New Yorkers.

But that's where I saw Goldie Hawn and that little girl for the first time. That little girl was just a little girl when I used to see her at that gas station. You mean, what is her name? The actress? The famous actress? Yeah. And old Snowmass had another road that went this way. And this is a tremendous story. Because all this at the time, in the 80s, were kingpins. A lot of kingpins

lived there, and that's where they'd go. They had this cocaine kingpin, a white guy that lived there. Not the gray bull that we discussed earlier on your show. This other guy. And the feds are trying to get him so they fucking put cameras on all the you know all street things to watch him they fucked up and they tapped into the cable tv so his house was being shown to everybody on their tvs so joe rogan went home put on channel two and it's me in my living room smoking a joint watch

and that fucking guy sued the government for fucking gazillions because they didn't know how to reverse that oh my god this is an ass when i had four channels that's hilarious they had one channel two and all they played was charles bronson movies i was in heaven because at the holiday inn in aspen right there by the airport clint eastwood would go there every night and get drunk. Really? Bro, I was a kid. What year was this?

This is 83. God damn. I'm a kid. And the rumor was, all you had to do was go to the Holiday Inn, and Clint Eastwood would be at the bar drinking. And bro, everybody would say, I was too young to go to the fucking bar. I was dying to meet Clint Eastwood. Are you fucking kidding me? Wow. But I couldn't go.

And it was just, dog, this was just a complete Different fucking city How did everybody get attracted to that one area? Aspen just had this lure Aspen's a great place It's a great place It's a lot of rich white people though Tons of rich white people You might get bored It's a great place. It's a great place. It's a lot of rich white people though. Tons of rich white people. You might get bored.

They fucking, did you see the- It's different now. Yesterday they were talking about something, that chick was in Vegas, the chick we were just talking about, Goldie Hawn. Right. Her ski instructor, she gave her- Kate Hudson? Kate Hudson?

Yeah, no, but the mother- Goldie Hawn. Gave her ski instructor Mercedes Benz for Christmas. Oh shit. They give you cars. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's how they roll up there. But it's an evil fucking, like, Ted Bundy was up there.

Ted Bundy killed people in Snowmass Village at that hotel. Really? Ted Bundy escaped from the Aspen Jail. This place has a really weird... Ted Bundy killed people all the way down in Florida, too, right? Florida, Colorado, Seattle. Jesus. What a dick. This is a really weird part of Colorado.

And I've told you before that in 84, Aspen was the cocaine capital of the country. All that coke was getting shipped up there for all these Hunter Thompson types. Jack Nicholson, all these motherfuckers were up there then. How weird that they all decided to go there. No TMZ, no cameras, and they could get their dicks. There was a bar called Patty Bugatti's that had a swimming pool right in the middle.

So people would be fucking pumping. In the middle of a fucking pump, they'd jump in the pool with their clothes on. That was just crazy. The Aspen Club, fucking what's his name, had a huge club up there. You know, the guy, what's that, the guy that sings about tequila? Wasted away again. Jimmy Buffett? Jimmy Buffett had a club called the Paragon up there.

Biggest bar on the West Coast, like nine fucking rooms, bro. Really? Huge. The Paragon, over the Paragon were these apartments where the employees stayed. And I became friends with one of the waitresses, and that's where I fainted from a bong hit one time. The bong hit, I fucking fainted. I was sitting on the balcony talking shit.

I'll do it. And all of a sudden, next thing you know, they're waking me up because it's so thin up there. That's where the air is really fucking thin. We were talking to this guy who lives in Aspen. He told me he woke up one day, and there was an elk on his back porch screaming. Fuck yeah.

You know how they scream when they're horny, when they're in the rut? This big-ass elk was sitting on his porch, clop, clop, clop, clop. Just screaming. He said it was like 5 o'clock in the morning or something like that. They looked through the curtains and this thousand-pound animal's like right there behind the glass. the glass screaming i was in awe when i first moved up there colorado the one that put me over the top was kabloonix kabloonix restaurant was a restaurant you had to call and make a reservation then you had to meet them in a certain location and park your car and then you got on a sled and dogs pulled you to the restaurant are you serious oh oh i want to go here and you had two

seatings you had a 7 30 seating and a 9 30 seating that's how the only way they do it and then they pull you out of there and sledge mush how far did they take you a couple miles a couple miles but in the daytime you go up there and see how they train the dogs so in the daytime it became a different tourist attraction really cool and then you go over a place called Independence Pass. Independence Pass is when you think you're a bad motherfucker. Independence Pass is only open three months a year. It's only open from June to the second week of September. And it cuts your time from Denver to Aspen by like an hour.

But it's only open three months because it's a two-lane road that not a lot of people can handle. One time I went down, I had a big, tough friend from Jersey. He sat in the back and ducked and got on the floor. He couldn't handle it. It's that scary, Joe Rogan.

If you're doing a lot of money, a car come over, but at the end of Independence Road, on the other side, they had the black wolf in. And you went in there, you rented a room, and the lady had that the black wolf and you went in there you rented a room and the lady had wolves black wolves everywhere and the live ones live ones in the morning that's what you at night that's all you hear is how she had

all the wolves a black wolf fucking in dog I'm not many times I went in there that's a great you know now it's all chains. You know, money has really taken over. Is there a video of that pass, Independence Pass? Independence Pass. Is that what they did in The Shining? No. The Shining is the other place where it's the most, that's the most visited spot in the country. People think it's the Grand Canyon, but it's really Estes Park, Colorado.

Really? Because you bend over and they're doing something with that hotel the stanley hotel that's the best brunch on a sunday in the country like the brunch there is known to be like fucking outrageousness where they shot the shining you're talking about that's the stanley hotel they're doing something there they're either going to take that part of the hotel and turning it into a museum for the shining they're doing something they're going to take that part of the hotel and turn it into a museum for The Shining. They're doing something there. They're going to make a real maze. You know that maze of bushes?

They're going to make a real one. Just like they did in the movie. Take a look at Independence Pass. It's a scary fucking road. You ever done the PCH all the way up to San Francisco? Yes. There are some fucking moments on that bitch when you look into the right of you and you're like, oh, okay.

Especially when you're coming back from San Francisco and you're on the outside. Sped up, right? No, this is a bird. This is 82 to Aspen. So I guess you're starting, wow, it's changed a lot. Look at those fucking trees. So beautiful though, man. There's something about mountain views that to to me, is the best view.

Like, there's a lot of cool views. Like, the ocean's a really cool view. The meadow's a really cool view. But to me, mountains and trees, there's something about that that's just like, I don't even know how to describe it. It's so natural and powerful that the idea of all these plants growing out of the ground and reaching up to the sky and they're thick and dense everywhere you're just surrounded by plant life and then you look up in the spectacular snow-capped mountains and blue sky and floating clouds and trees and you know out there it's all just wildlife man just fucking squirrel fucking squirrels. Here's where it gets scary. This is where it gets scary. Right there where you're fucking.

And it gets even thinner at parts. Yeah, you've got to trust the other people on the other side of the road. That's the problem. Same thing with the PCH. You know, it was so wild that here I am. Then I lived there, you know, 83, and then I left back there. Then I went back in 85, and that's when I really got into trouble up there, but it was so weird. Amongst all this beauty, there was this fucking cocaine train.

Look at the right side. Oh, yeah. It's like, man, I can't. Whoa. Ah! Ah, fuck, man. You think you'll move back there eventually, Joe? I mean, especially now that you're really big into hunting and stuff, it seems like

it'll be more. I love Denver. I fucking love it. Love it. Might be my favorite spot. I love it. Every time I go there, I feel like I'm at home.

Last time I was there, I had a fucking great time, man. And when I go up, like, to the... You could, like, live in the mountains, like, near Denver, too, like Evergreen,

places like that. So what is this? It's a half hour away. independence pass the whole the whole ride um but um every time I go back there I'm like yeah this is probably better and right now Denver's booming it's on fire they can't control it like all the people that didn't want weed to be legal, boy, they got the worst possible results. Massive economic recovery. Housing prices are up 19%. Real estate's up 19%.

I heard rent's crazy now. Rents are crazy. Rents are crazy. The money is booming. They've made more money in taxes for the first time ever from marijuana than they do from alcohol. No, there's never been a place ever that's done that. They've passed the amount of money they make in taxes from alcohol. Because they tax it at like 39%.

It's smart. They tax the shit out of it. And no one gives a fuck. Good. Who cares? Weed is so economical. If you think about it, like how about one of those weed pens? Those ones that Geno sells. How much do they sell for it's like a hundred bucks or something like that I don't think it's that much no no 60 60 60 40

so whatever it is and you have these little cartridges the core much of the cartridges 30 bucks or something like that dude they will last for weeks yeah those got for you not really three days three days that's how you got caught on THOSE GUYS WERE IN THE AIR FOR WEEKS. FOR YOU, NOT REALLY. THREE DAYS. THAT'S HOW I GOT CAUGHT ON THE PLANE. YOU DID. YOU SET OFF THE ALARM, RIGHT? I SET OFF THE ALARM. I TOLD YOU YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT.

THEY CAME IN AND THEY'RE LIKE, ARE YOU SMOKING? I'M LIKE, DO I LOOK LIKE I'M FUCKING SMOKING? SHE GOES, I WONDER WHAT SET THIS OFF. SO THE WHOLE TIME I'M LIKE, THEY'RE GOING TO THROW ME IN FUCKING JAIL WHEN I GET TO THE AIRPORT. I TALKED TO YOU ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE HE PERISCOPED AND DID IT. throw me in fucking jail when I get to the airport. I just talked to you about this because he periscoped and did it. He was blowing it up.

And he's just blowing it up on a plane. He periscoped on a plane? Joey, that's like a federal offense. They didn't catch me. I couldn't smoke in the robe. They didn't catch you. You made your own video. You made your own evidence against yourself. The video's gone. Right. The ether. catch you you made your own video the videos gone they I was this well my

family so I couldn't blow the smoke because the side sucks it in and mercy will smell it oh I just got a mercy right yeah I was fuck cuz listen let me tell you some no it Hinchcliffe don? I shouldn't tell you. Let me tell you something. The fucking, those five-hour flights without edibles are brutal. You need to get a wholesome spray. No, I got everything now. Oh, okay, okay. Don't get angry. I just blow it into my sleeve.

I got the fucking thing I was going to bring you guys, and I left it on the counter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I got up and went to the bathroom. You got to be careful about saying what they're making. Got to keep it on the deal. I'm jizzled on the way back. Jizzled? Because on the way there, I didn't eat no edibles because I was worried about my kid. On the way back, I'm like, fuck, it's six hours.

I need something to calm me down. I went into that bathroom with the iPod on, so I really couldn't hear. And I'm hitting this pipe, and I'm like, I just charged this up. This motherfucker's hitting good. It's fucking smoke everywhere inside this bathroom. And all of a sudden, I can't hear it. I hear, and I see the light going.

And I'm like, oh, shit. So I flush. I did piss because I was hitting it while I was pissing. I pissed, and I fucking put it in my pocket, and I open it. I go, what happened? She goes, were you smoking it? And they're like, it doesn't smell. I go, no.

I go, fucking, I don't know what happened. I banged up against the thing. I'm like. My farts are so strong. You're setting off smoke detectors. And I fucking sat down. I thought they were going to throw me in jail. I gave my wife the car keys.

Wow. I said, just in case they arrest me on the way out. They even said, thank you for coming on. Your daughter was great. So. Once they realize it's not smoke, smoke, I think. Yeah. I don't think they're offended as much as if you have an e-cigarette.

They used to let you smoke those. Remember when people used to take those blues on airplanes? They used to smoke them all the time. And then they had to put... They had to figure it out, and they had to come up with laws for that, for e-cigarettes. They're going to have to come up with laws for those fucking hovercrafts. Those little hoverboards?

They're blowing up now. Have you seen little hoverboards. They're not allowed on. They're blowing up now. Have you seen them? They're blowing up. They're not allowed on no more. Amazon pulled all of them. Get these fucking morons off the fucking planet. Do they let you just drive around those?

I have those. They blow up? Should I leave them outside? Yeah, leave them outside. It depends if you have a good version of them. See, the problem is- Mine is straight out of China. Yeah. How do you know what's the good version?

The good versions are the ones that actually have a brand name and stuff, where most of these generic ones are just generic batteries, generic parts. I just bought it from Amazon. Should I throw them out, get new ones? I wouldn't donate them to really risky kids. I'll take them. Hey, kids, these are fun, but you're taking a chance. There's some crazy videos that I've been seeing lately of them blowing up

just because of the generic batteries in them. Yeah, I'm sure there's probably some of them that are better than others, but if you think about how many people have them, there's probably a very, very small percentage are blowing up, right? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know either. But anyway, they're going to have

to figure out how to like regulate them at the airport because people just ride around and I'm at the airport. Yeah. There's one blowing up,

huh? Yeah, but see, we don't know what happened here. That guy could have just lit that bitch on fire.

We don't know. Well, there's ones that's like in malls. There's like a, there's one blew up in a mall. That's what I saw.

Yeah. You know what else I like about Denver, dog? Those motherfuckers are strapped constantly. You can't... Even ISIS knows. What's about Denver? Ooh. A lot of guns there.

They're like those fucking white people. A little on the crazy side. Now they're smoking that THC. You don't want to take the chance. They might shoot you before the grenade goes off. And your world is going to be fucked up. They're going to put cowboy dick in you and take you to take the chance. They might shoot you before the grenade goes off, and your world is going to be fucked up. They're going to put cowboy dick in you and take you up in the mountains and rub maple syrup on you and tie you to a tree and fucking bake you

and then stab you to death. I'll see how much you fucking love Allah after that, motherfucker. Because, listen, man, I've told you a thousand times, there's some real, crazy, gun-loving Americans in the mountains of Colorado. Oh, yeah. I'm talking, and they're not malicious, none of those militias. I know good white Americans in Colorado that are waiting at their house right now. They're building weapons to kill fucking Taliban and shit like that.

I know them personally. I know one guy. I call him from a fucking throwaway phone because I know they got the taps on this motherfucker this guy 20 years ago showed me grenade launches in his fucking garage I can't imagine what he's got now every time I call that I send them Christmas cards from a different address I know like studio city and mail it to them. I love him his first name is Fred. That's all I could tell you Too much this guy taught me everything about him. He was a fucking weapon.

I was over there one day just talking. I go, you ever see the movie Scarface? That's a great gun he had at the end. He just looked at me like, he looked at his wife. He goes, do me a favor. Can you go in the other room for a second? She's like, sure. She's like a nice white lady.

He's like, I want to show Joey something. This lady got out, he pulled over his couch and what he had under that couch, the Scarface gun was his littlest gun. Do you understand me? That Scarface gun, that was his fucking appetizer to kill people. This guy had so many things. And he started ratting himself out. He was in Vietnam. He started showing me the pictures and the ears and the cards, a deck of cards they put on people and all that shit.

And I was like, ah. And he's like, if you want to go shoot sometime, I'll take you. And that was the beginning of a friendship, dog. He taught me so many little things. He knew how to fucking kill people. He could kill somebody on Mars right now. He just knew. He just knew.

He was amazing and shit. This guy knew. You want to kill somebody on Mars? I got the angle. He wanted to fucking, you know, it was just something from another planet, man. He would take me on the weekends. I'd have to buy for my own bullets and shit. But all the other shit we shot, I can't tell you the shit we shot.

There's a lot of gun enthusiasts out there. A lot of gun. But this guy. You know my big friend Justin? Yeah. He don't even know how many guns he has. I go, how many guns you have? He goes, I don't know.

I go, more than 100? He goes, oh, yeah. More than 100. What about when I hugged the doctor? Steve? I hugged him one time. Yeah, he strapped. I was like, what the fuck?

He's like, oh, yeah, I don't even know it without this fucking stuff. He was in the military. He was an Air Force flight surgeon. He doesn't give a fuck. Steve's a, that guy is crazy as fuck. He's been my friend for 27 years, 28 years. Actually, more than that. Shit, how many years?

Oh, my God. Dude, 30 years. He's been my friend for 30-something years. 33 years. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, that guy, he's in his 60s. He gets his body fixed just so he can go back to sparring again. He's in his 60s.

Blows his rotator cuff. Well, I'm going to have to get that fixed. Gets it all fucking stitched up. Well, blew my knee out can go back to sparring again. He's in his 60s. Blows his rotator cuff. Well, I'm going to have to get that fixed. Gets it all fucking stitched up. Well, blew my knee out again. Got to get that fixed. He's had more than 20 knee surgeries. He's crazy. Guy doesn't give a fuck.

He's only training with young kids. He doesn't give a fuck. He'll come after you like a wild dog. He's always been that way. He's always been that way. He was an ophthalmologist when I met him. He was doing his residency in Boston. This guy, I've never met anybody that worked harder.

There's a few people in my life that, when I was young, that let me know what hard work really was. I thought I worked hard, and then I'd watch these guys, and I'd just go, fuck. One of them was Steve. Steve was an ophthalmologist. He was doing his residency. Steve was an ophthalmologist. He was doing his residency. He was sitting on the toilet, eating food out of a tray,

and he fell asleep, and his buzzer went off. So he's shitting, eating, and sleeping at the same time, and his buzzer goes off to tell him to go back to work. Because when you're in your residency, you do these insane, insane hours. Like, they're just mind-blowing. And then you're studying, and you just... It's chaos. The amount of sleep that they get versus the amount of work that they have to do, it's amazing how nobody just...

People don't constantly accidentally kill people because they're all so tired. It's the weirdest thing about doctors. I don't know if they still do it this way, but the way they used to do it, they would make them work these fucking ungodly hours. And you would always be exhausted. And so you would think you'd want to be wide awake and thinking clearly to make medical decisions, especially about people's vision.

Right? Nope. All these fucking guys, they make them work insane, insane hours. And the other one was my friend Junkshik. Junkshik Chang. He was a U.S. national taekwondo champion. And he came from my same gym. And he was the guy who won the championships while he was in medical school. This fucking guy.

You want to talk about a guy who worked hard? I never met anybody who worked harder, complained less, got so little sleep. If he slept like four hours a night, it was plenty. And he was training for the National Taekwondo team. This fucking guy used to do studying, and in between studying, he would sprint up the stairs in his university and come back down, and then sprint, and he would do that. He would read or do his work for a couple hours,

and then he would sprint upstairs, put his backpacks, throw all his books in his back, put his backpack on and sprint up the stairs. He just did every waking moment dedicated to all the shit that he had to get done because he came from a Korean background, and Korean parents are super, some of them, He just did every waking moment dedicated to all the shit that he had to get done. Because he came from a Korean background. And Korean parents are super, some of them, super strict about their children succeeding.

His father just put all this incredible pressure on him. So when I would think, like, people would say, wow, you work so hard. Like, barely. I sleep eight whole hours a night. Like, these guys, Steve and Junk Chick, two guys,ally that were in the medical, uh, you know, um, medical, um, education. And they both, I never saw anybody work harder. I've never seen anything in my life like that. They would be exhausted. Like junk chick would come in, he would come into training and his mouth would be open like this. He would see, he goes, I'm so fucking tired. I'm so fucking tired. Well, then training would start. This fucking guy would, ah!

He would fire up and get crazy. He's a bad motherfucker. He would fire up and just start kicking the shit out of people. And he wasn't even, like, a talented guy. He wasn't, like, physically talented. He wasn't, like, some LeBron James, some unusual freak specimen of athleticism. He's just a hard-working man. Five-foot-five, five-foot-six Korean kid who just didn't take no for an answer.

Just didn't fucking take no for an answer. And figured out how to win the national title while he was in fucking medical school. So whenever I was around people that were, you know, that would say, yeah, I work hard. I work too fucking hard. I'm like, damn. I'm not saying you should work the way those guys did because I don't think you should. I think that's too much I think there's a point of like you can over train and fighters over train and work out too hard

They come into the fight and they're exhausted. They just never recovered from the training, but They it's there's something admirable about the ability to do what they did like I don't think you should do it I don't think you should work that hard because I think you kill yourself I think everybody should get a taste of it to just know. Bro, we're fucking soft. We're fucking soft. We're fucking soft. Well, we do what we have to do. We were talking about this before.

Like when I went home with Mercy and I took her to a park. I told you it was fucking cold out. My wife said, put the jacket on. Fuck no. Take the fucking jacket off and no gloves either. Let her climb and shit. My wife said, but her hands are freezing. Look at what she's living out there. We're soft yeah you know we're just talking about that

when you go on that ferry what do you think when that ferry stops in february when it's 10 10 below in manhattan no and you know once that sun goes down it's fucking brutal on that goddamn ferry yeah and you just make it work you know but we forget sometimes listen man how hard do you fucking work how hard do you work when i first met you you just work smarter now you still put in the hours you just work fucking smarter now when i met you you used to do news radio and then go to the fucking store and hang with me till midnight which ain't no fucking joke my friend couple friday nights you would shoot from 12 or 11 and you wouldn't get out of news radio till 10, and I don't know what

you were making on news radio, but the character was you still came down and did your $15 spot. And you follow whoever, and you were fucking happy, and that's work ethic. And you know, how many times you talk to a comedian, they tell you things aren't going their way. And you say, okay, what have you been doing lately? And they tell you, and you're like, are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me are you fucking kidding me you know how hard work goes into being a top-notch fucking comic what we just talk about dave

chapelle being at the store how old is ron white didn't he follow media at the fucking store this is this is a guy that's a millionaire you're still fucking out there every fucking night man it's why he's still good i look at these fucking kids and they tell me oh i'm tired what fucking tired are you talking about man yeah what fucking tired are you talking about, man? What fucking tired are you talking about? The first time I slept and I got no reason why was when I got locked up at 27. Before that, I wasn't asleep. Sleep?

Three hours here on a couch in between coke rocks and fucking, you know, whatever. Sleep apnea machine. There was no sleep apnea machine. You just rough it out then. You know, but now people, oh, I want to do this with my life. You got to put in the fucking hours. I read the Rolling Stone article. And there it showed.

You put in the hours, Joe Rogan. It showed a lot. I read that article, and I'm like, this is a beautiful article. But there was many ways that didn't show the reasons why I loved you. And that's because of your work ethic. I thought that when you moved to this town. Because when I got here, when you moved to this town, you got a TV show. You stopped going to the store. That's the impression I got. He started working harder. He started working harder, man. And that's where I got it from. I finally realized, you

know what? When you call down to the store, you got to call in coast to coast. You got to call in Sunday to Sunday. And you got to see what, to coast you got to call in sunday to sunday and you got to see what and if it's five nights a week how many times we leave the store at three in the morning man a lot you know the big one was too you got to be willing to do those non-paid regular spots a lot of guys don't want to do those non-paid regular spots you got to show up and wait and that's how i got passed it's one of the main reasons why mitzi passed me two main reasons one the todd that dude the todd the todd he was on mtv he was one of paul reasons why Mitzi passed me two main reasons one the Todd that dude the Todd the Todd He was on MTV. He was one of Paulie's friends fucking great guy that guy was the best

He was so nice, and he he said I'm gonna help you. He goes. You're really funny He goes I'm gonna sit next to Mitzi and I'm gonna laugh while you're on stage She told me and he goes and then one day he goes you're gonna have a friend that you want to get past You'll do the same thing Then that dude he had a like a serious problem. He had a serious mental problem He had something wrong like physically with his brain. I don't remember what it was, but it was so depressing to me because You know he showed me like like great camaraderie. Like, you know, there's this camaraderie that you have between fellow comics, you know, when you meet someone

and they're coming up. Like, a lot of times you get on Kill Tony. You get these young guys or young girls that are coming up and you go, hey, you want to look at them. Like, you're really funny. Like, keep this up, man. You can do this. You're really funny.

And when you run into people that connect you like that, that hook you up like that, like he sat down next to Mitzi and he's like, ah! Holy shit! Just laughed it up, hammed it up. And the audience was laughing too. So Mitzi was like, you're passed.

Come here. You're passed. You're now paid regularly. You can call in on Monday. To me, that was way bigger a deal than even getting a TV show. I was already on a TV show. The TV show

wasn't shit. I was like, I'm at the store. I made it. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in at Mecca. That was when we were open micers. That was the spot. There was only one spot. It was Mecca. That was, when we were open micers, that was the spot. There was only one spot. It was Mecca.

There was the Catch a Rising Star in New York. There was the Comic Strip in New York. There was all these clubs. We all knew about the Laugh Stop in Houston where Kenneson came from. We all knew about all these good spots you're supposed to go to. Zany's in Nashville was always a spot that people would talk about. But there was one mecca you know it's funny because i talked about this last week and this is something that again wasn't in the interview you did you know i was all right so i got funny in 2000 and then i got a few movies before that and then i got stuck and then you

got stuck and then i had to talk with somebody i I got to tell you, I had to talk with the black dude who used to teach me Juan Hopquendo. Okay? As silly as this was, you know, Juan Hopquendo is an offshoot of Kempo. It's Hawaiian. And this is the cascus. What's his name? The cascus? Marks the cascus?

This is his father's first student. Oh. These two black guys didn't fuck around. Was this in here? Here. I learned here. And he was saying that, you know,

he does this thing. And he goes, I really started getting into martial arts when I started teaching. Yeah. Because that's the complete different story.

And he goes, did you ever consider teaching stand-up? And I was like, fuck, go listen to me. And I went home. I thought about

what he was saying to me. When we got to the store, when I got to the store, you know the first week I became a regular? Like the third night I got into a fucking beef. And I can name four times I got into beefs with those older jealousy type comics. Oh, there was a bunch of those. And you had it.

I'm not going to say none. The one time in the main room. One time, oh shit, with the glass in the fucking original room when there was no booze. The guy broke the bottle, okay? And I remember thinking that. Then you had Charlie Hill who would fucking pull you aside and go, hey, man, hey, man, I had belly laughs when you were on stage. And I hang in with it.

I know you're having a hard time here. I know it's, you know, 135 in the morning and you're going up, but it's gonna pay off for you. Allen Stevens put me in fucking Arliss opposite James Coburn, my idol. We were just talking one day, and he goes, you really like James Coburn? He's scheduled to do Arliss.

I'm gonna get you on it. Dog, you know what that does to your insides. But you had these scumbags, and I remember, again, I thought to myself, I'm never gonna ever do something with this. But if I ever do, I'm going to be nice to these kids. Yeah. When I go to the store now, it's hugs with the young kids.

It's all encouragement. I get in and out of there. I don't want to be that old pervert or that old guy that's giving advice. No, no, no, no. I look in the eye, put my hand down, and I say, hey, man. No, seriously. You went to court the other day in the fucking, I got a video, a short video. I put it up on YouTube where you're talking about Guns N' Roses.

Well, I put it up on Instagram. It was a short video. But when you were in the back, by the back bar, holding court the other night. Well, it's this camaraderie there. It's this thing. That wasn't there when we came. When we came up. So I made, and you know what I'm going to tell you something?

It's made me 100% better comic. Oh, yeah. 100. Being, you know, Tony, those young door guys. You know how hard it is to be a door guy and sit there and say hello to people. Yeah. In your heart, you want to do the same thing. Guys, I don't know how many times I went home at night, five years into comedy, I'd cry myself to sleep.

I'd circle just for laughs. Remember just for laughs remember just the last sure newspaper yeah back page was all the clubs and i would sit there and circle the clubs that i was someday gonna perform the seattle underground the punchline atlanta the last stop uh what was the other one what was the one where ralphie fell through the stage that's real yeah that's a true story that the stage was that that club was legendary in houston way before the last stop the other where the houston yeah yeah there's another one that was the fucking great name they were just clubs that had names like the insignia for seattle

was a building the seattle thing and it was turned and i'm like one day i'm gonna fucking play there and then after three minutes between the cocaine Who the fuck I was deep down inside. I would just break down into tears and go I'm never gonna be good enough to play those clubs. Why would I say that to myself? This is just a fucking pipe dream. You know, I'm not doing this shit So now to to to be up there with these guys the other night Joe Rogan. I almost went home Do you know that Joey Diaz the old Diaz, when Adam came over and said, hey man, you mind if Chappelle goes up?

I said, fuck no. Before you? I said, fuck no. The old Joey Diaz would have got fucking insulting me, putting Dave Chappelle on, like if I was somebody. And I'd get in my car and leave. Years ago, I would just leave. Fuck you.

I was like, no, man. Joe Rogan wouldn't leave. He'd fucking sit it out and get up there. And joe i had such a fucking good time the other night watching chapelle like i learned something man but this thing we're going through isn't about podcasts it isn't about nothing right now it's about you know i did the belly room last night oh last wednesday oh my god 11 15 the dollar show. The dollar show. Sold out. That night, I told you I couldn't do yours, but I could do the late one.

I left there feeling like I won the Academy Award. Because I helped these young kids. I made these young kids. They hugged me. They offered me weed. You know, that waitress sucks dick. You know, I don't know, but it made You know, I don't know.

Right, right, right. But it made me feel, you know, I didn't get, I didn't take no money. I didn't get $15. It wasn't about that, man. Right. It was about doing something with these young guys

and these young guys looking at you differently and letting them know that, hey, man, I ain't no better than you and someday you're gonna be way better than me. I just watched you set.

You're a writer, man. You're a bad motherfucker. That has made me a way better comic than doing open mics and doing, because now I see it from a different angle. I love comedy again. I love watching it. But I like watching the young guys at the store. There's some fucking goofy, fucking funny white guys. Well, don't you feel like the whole attitude of that place feels different?

Fuck yeah. Way better, right? I think that's the internet. I think that's a big, like the crop of guys that were coming in, the new crop over the last like 10 years, they're coming in for the right reasons. I love you with all my heart, but you're making it sound too good. They got rid of the shitheads up there. Okay? Is that true?

Let's eliminate the internet. You're a sweet guy. Is that true? And that's why i love you to death but let's be honest they got rid of the pure shit up there pure shit tape came into that store and they're no longer there there's such shit they won't even show their faces no more because we called them out on it they turned something beautiful into shit that was our fucking home that was our camaraderie that was my base that was everything to me man that was our fucking home. That was our camaraderie. That was my base. That was everything to me man

That was everything to me and one day some fucking guy came in and some fucking dumb comic Started putting shit in his fucking head and that motherfucker don't go to a comedy store no more And let's get out of the way caparulo suck my dick. That's what you get for being a cunt or your fucking life That's what you get you and Tommy can both suck my dick. Merry Christmas. And don't let me see you at the store no more, Caparulo. You fucking faggot. Motherfucker. Little punk-ass bitch.

He threw all of us under the bus, bro. I found out about a ton of shit. Fuck that motherfucker. That's why I woke up one day and put it on Twitter. You're a cunt. And that same night, I had to put him up in the main room, and he froze when he saw me. Then he to follow you and he was calling the club to tell him not to put you up to wait till he got there so when i found that out that was it every time i

see him at the store i just glare at him i'm gonna get what's his name the kid with the diabetes that's crazy how do you know that for sure? Because I find out little fucking things. I know everything, cocksucker. That's my job, okay? That's my job. You don't see him down there no more. What's that expression? You won't be seeing him

no more when they go to Michael Corleone when he's making the thing. Hey, what happened with Paulie? And the fat guy looks at him and goes, you won't be seeing him no more.

And Sonny looks at him and goes, okay. And he dips the bread in the sauce. It was Tommy. Now he did a podcast with Skagel. Did you listen to that? Psycho.

Oh, I was. Fucking moron. I was the following podcast. Fucking psycho. That's what the problem is. These fucking psychos have taken over clubs, and they give clubs a bad name. And then, you know, you don't want to play that club no more. The Comedy Store is the best club in the fucking universe.

There's Martians up there in Mars planning a fucking visit just to go to the Comedy Store because there's something about it. Even with those old guys, when we were going there, there was something about it. We had each other, bro. We had each other. We had a little thing in Dicey's to sit on the stairs and crack jokes and Barris and all those guys.

Don Barris, who does he fucking insult? Nobody. Don Barris is the does he fucking insult? Nobody. Don Barris is the salt of the comedy store after midnight. There's just certain people that have made the comedy store. He insults you? Is that what he's saying? Jamie was saying him. He insults him.

Oh, shit. No, no. This is what really happened at the store. You put a bunch of shithead fucking comics at a great place, and they poisoned it for years. And look at the energy of the store now. The proof is in the pudding. I'm not talking nothing out of line here.

I'm not saying nothing out of line here. Tommy's gone. Cap is gone. That's it. The store is fucking beautiful. You had a couple of dismal guys that would sit there every night throwing fucking witchcraft on all the good comics. Fuck you.

I hope you bomb. I hope he doesn't make it so I can get a stupid fallout set. They're all fucking gone. That old wood that would sit there and you get in a spot tonight. Man, I wish Joe Rogan was my friend. Making little remarks. They're all gone. It's over.

It's a positive comedy fucking haven now. I only go down there three times a week out of respect because I don't want to be that old pervert guy sitting around with the waitresses talking to young comics. I'm a comic. I go get my work out. I get in my car and I leave. I'd love to be able to hang out there for two hours,

but I can't. But it's... The other night, Ari was there. We were giggling in the hallways. Look at what happened the other night. What did we start this podcast with? Chappelle goofing on Steve Renzese and Ari, and they all had a great fucking time.

I guess everybody did 9-11 jokes to Steve Renzese. Yeah, it was brutally hilarious. I wish I was there for that. That is so funny. It's good that he's taking it on the chin like that. Fuck yeah. He's a great guy, and it happens, and you make mistakes, and that's it. But the point is we're fucking back.

We're back as comics. We're just better. It's better than ever. We're back as comics. We're just, we're better. It's better than ever. We're back as comics. It's better than ever, that place. No shitheads go up there. I think shitheads go to go in, and there's a force now that's an anti-shithead fucking force, and it keeps them out.

And that's the truth, man. That's the fucking truth. Everybody's super cool up there. The other night, I was starting to get a mini anxiety attack. Do you know that? No edibles, no none. I was starting to get a mini anxiety attack. Do you know that? No edibles, no nothing. I was starting to get a mini anxiety attack,

and as I was walking to the stairs at the store, I heard Donnie, and I looked, and it was Sarah Tiana with a hat on, and my anxiety went away, bro. They just gave me

a different twist. She's so nice. She's the best. She's such a nice person. She's just so nice. Every time you're around her, she's like, she's so kind. She's a sweetheart, you Every time you're around her, she's like, she's so kind.

She's a sweetheart, you know? Don't cut what I said out. There's no cutting. I'm a 52. I got one foot in the grave, one in the banana pit. I don't give a fuck if somebody gets mad at me. You know what I'm saying? I'll call your Romero to fucking handle things for me now at this age. Yeah, I don't know.

When I see Cap, I say hi and I like him. I give him a hug. I don't know what the fuck happens behind the scenes, but he's always nice to me. Yeah, same here. Deep down inside, he wishes you fucking get hit by a helicopter.

I was watching last night, last night I was watching Jimmy Sugar do magic tricks. And by the way, an amazing magician. He started as a magician. Yeah. He was a magician for years.

But, like, he said that he also grew up starting doing comedy and magic. You kind of did also. Did you know that he also did that? I only did it for a little while when I was about eight. I got a magic set

for Christmas. You know, it teaches you how to do a few stupid tricks and I did a little show on Fisherman's Wharf I did it a couple of times did you yeah yeah I would just set up a box and then people give me money and I go buy comic books but I did it one time and these fucking older kids fucked with me they kind of like gave me a hard time and I got scared so I stopped doing it they just mocked me and we're of like gave me a hard time and I got scared so I stopped doing it. They just mocked me and were goofing on me and I was like, oh well, nothing I can do here. I was like, you know, eight. They were probably like young teenagers, like 13 or

something like that and they were mean. So I was like, alright, I got scared, stopped doing it. But it was a weird thing to, if nobody tells you that you can't perform, I would go there and I'd watch these people put on shows. They had all kinds of different shows. People just like do like street performance. So I was like, I'll try this. Fuck it. I got my magic trick thing.

I had a hat, a little magic hat. I had a cape by myself. Eight. That's ridiculous. Set up this fucking thing. Hilarious. Hilarious. Terrible magic tricks. Awful at it, but

just banking on the fact that I was cute. I got the kit, too, with the ball, and you put it in it, and the little wand. I gave up on... I couldn't do that shit. It was tough. No, I appreciate magic. I like it if it's done well. Schubert's magic, I mean, he was

bomb-ass wasted, so you could tell he was a little sloppy. But his magic was legit. Like, it was to the point where he had four cards down there. And we saw, just saw, like, one second ago what cards they were. And then he would turn them over, like, in front of us going, what the fuck? That's impossible. How did you do that?

Like, his magic was legit. At Gabriel's Christmas party, he had a magician there. And the motherfucker came up to me i was eating by the way lucille's barbecue on long beach they ain't around though those baby back waves were stronger than that well the magician came he showed me and steve simone the card you got to get up on that microphone he showed me and steve simone the card and then he went like this, and he did something, and he told the lady over there, check out your sleeve.

The card was in her fucking sleeve. I can't figure out how the fuck he did this shit. She worked for him. No, no. He was some fucking manager or something stupid. It was fucking crazy. I don't know how the hell they do it. I don't know how they do it.

There's some craziness going on with some of these magicians. The sleight of hand and the way they figure out how to set things up. It's an art. It's an art. They don't want to tell you either. They don't want

to tell you. We had a guy, he bent a spoon in front of us. I'm like, how the fuck is this guy doing this? He's bending a spoon

with like the air. He's like moving his finger around it and the spoon starts to bend and twist. It's like, I don't know how the fuck

he's doing it. I don't know how he's doing it. But he's letting you know like there's a trick to it. I'm't know how he's doing it, but he's letting you know, like, there's a trick to it. I'm not gonna tell you how I do it, but it's just a trick, and they've figured out how to do it in a way that your eyes don't catch. Like, there's a lot of the movements they do when they're shuffling the deck and moving cards around. Like, your eyes just are not catching the fluidity of their movement. They get so good at it, they can just hide the cards. And you don't even see it. You're like, okay, what happened?

And all of a sudden, the card's on top of his hat. And you're like, where the fuck? Like, you didn't see it. You ever see a good pickpocket, though? Yeah. Only in video. It's not in person. When you played pool, you ever see people pickpocket people for a living?

They bump into you. It's amazing. Yeah. The whole thing. And when they do it in teams. Have you watched that movie, Focus? Yeah? No. Not an Academy Award winning movie. Anybody see they do it in teams. Have you watched that movie Focus yet? No.

Not an Academy Award winning movie. Anybody see Focus? What is Focus? Which one's that? Focus is Will Smith and some blonde chick. And they run a scam of going to New Orleans for the Super Bowl. Oh. And how it goes down.

And they take everything they shoplift, everything they fucking thing, and it goes on eBay. So let's say they steal. Fucking brilliant. And this is how it works, guys. They bump into Red Van, because my friend's mom used to do it. They bump into Red Van. They take it. They take just the credit cards.

They put the wallet back. They have people at restaurants that when they take your wallet, when you give your credit card to people, they take it, and they have a thing. And they go like this, and they sell it back to Will Smith. So at the end of the day, Will Smith has all these credit cards now he starts buying stuff online bam bam bam bam bam bam then they get it then they put it on ebay and they sell it a third of the cost and that's how people get all that shit right and they just want but forget about all that dog do me a favor watch the motherfucking movie for the scene there's a scene they do where he bumps. You ever see that little Chinese guy that plays gay on SVU?

He always comes in, and the child suffers from a dementia. He's been in a lot of shows, a lot of movies. Dog, dog, watch him in this movie. One scene, one scene. They do, like, a gamble. He's, like, the world's biggest gambler. He bets on anything. Like, he'll bet on anything.

Like, all you got to do is entice him. And the whole hustle. But when this guy's doing it, they play Sympathy for the Devil. And you're thinking the movie's taking you somewhere else. You're like, this motherfucking Chinese guy's the devil. Because he's so smooth, Joe. He plays the obnoxious Asian that's filthy rich. Has a sports box.

And the fucking three hot young fucking Asians waiting from to suck his dick Everybody's drinking Dom or whatever even better than Dom and he's brash and shit. He's God damn he was good that movie. What is his name, Jamie? Find his name. Look at the young freak. Backwards Hitler. Look at the young freak waiting for him. Look at him. He had 10 of them waiting for him.

Big old cigar. Bro, this guy breaks it down. And then the movie ends after that. You're just watching fucking God. Focus, huh? Focus. Is it in theaters, Netflix? I watched it on a plane, and I fucking got hooked hooked on that scene i had to take it home and

show my wife she's like jesus he's good bd wong that guy's been in everything where's he from san francisco yeah he's 60 no he's 50 55 he's 55 yeah that's crazy crazy he's got that asian gene god damn they look so much better than regular white people. They're better models. At 55? There's not a 55-year-old white guy alive that looks like an Irish guy? Jesus Christ. That's like the polar opposite.

Chinese and Irish. Like, who ages better? Is B.J. Wong Chinese? Let's not insult the fucking guy. Yeah, he's B.J. Wong. I think he's Chinese. I think so. He fits the motherfucking bill. Yeah

Yeah, that guy's a bad motherfucker. He's been in a lot of movies. She's sitting with you tangerine Do you know anything about it no Tangerine is a movie that it's all filmed on iPhones Yeah, and I I was on shrimp so I didn't know what the, like, my friend was just like, let's watch this. And I guess it's, you know, it's about transsexuals. And out of nowhere, Ian Edwards pops up out of the movie, in the movie. And I'm just like, what the fuck? Why is Ian in here?

And it's a really good movie because what they do is they took real transsexuals from L.A. that, like, hang out at Donut Time at 3 in the morning, you know, like in West Hollywood. really good movie because what they do is they took real uh transsexuals from la that like hang out at donut time at three in the morning you know like in west hollywood and then they mix it with actors and so it's like it's got this like documentary type wait is this real people kind of it's interesting movie though so but ian edwards is in it so don't fuck me up it's not donut time it's yum yum donuts on Santa Monica and motherfucking Highland. I used to get stuck at that ladder all the time. I used to go to Weight Watcher meetings.

So you go there, like, I used to go to the 9 o'clock Weight Watcher meetings. I had to be there, like, by 8.40. And I'd get stuck there Sunday mornings, and I'd look to my left, bro, and there'd be three hot motherfucking bitches. And that little freak of us was like, maybe she's a hooker. She'll suck my dick for $40. And all of a sudden, they look at you

and that's how you could tell they're heavy-duty trannies, bro. You just step on that fucking gas. You gotta see them. Well, the difference is in the eye contact. The male transgender people

make eye contact with you. Like the transy, transgender hookers, they would make, they'd make eye contact. They'd look right at you. Whereas like female hookers, they'll kind of look

in your direction. But does a transgender hooker have a dick? Depends. They can or they don't have to. Like they might have had the operation or they might never get the operation. They still consider themselves a woman. But they have boobs.

They have a dick. So they have tits with a dick. They have tits with a dick and they still consider themselves a woman. And they get hard-ons. So figure that out. There's, like, there's pictures of, like, a lot of them, of ones that are completely erect, fully woman. Like, woman's ass, woman's legs, woman's waist, woman's breast, woman's face.

Dick. Hard dick. So confusing. It makes no sense anymore. It's like, woman's breast, woman's face, dick, hard dick. So confusing. It makes no sense anymore. It's like, what are you? I mean, you can be whatever you want, but what are you? How does that work? I mean, I'm not sure what's going on here.

You say she, but yet you have a dick. But you're allowed to. You're just allowed to be whatever you want. If you're a girl with a dick, then that's that. It's just confusing. It's too crazy for me to even comprehend. I don't fucking know what to even think anymore.

I'm for whatever everybody wants to do. I had a friend in Seattle that was very cool. She was a trans. She did the whole operation. She was a comic. I told you. But the problem was her head was too big. See, that's where you fuck up right there.

That if you make the transgender, they cut your dick and they do all the other things and that your feelings change, but your head remains the same So her balance was off I'm not kidding you. I'm not lying to you. I mean was Something so her head was too big for her. She was happy. She was half Japanese have some Rita Rita Oh, hmm Rita. Oh, whatever she was, Rita O whatever. And she ended up dying because she would fall. Jesus Christ. And bang her head.

Fuck Jesus Christ. Because her head was too fucking big. I remember that story. That's the only one I really had, you know. Remember the one we met in Vegas? Yeah. The one we met in Vegas where she kept showing it to us? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. We didn't even know. She was so tiny. She was so tiny, you would never suspect that she used to be a dude. I don't know nothing. I don't know how old women are.

I don't know nothing. I was at the mall the other day getting a picture with Santa Claus and there's these young girls with tight pants on and heels.

And I'm like, Terry, why are these women taking pictures of Santa Claus? Terry's like, they ain't women. are 15 year old fucking girls There were women in I don't know I couldn't fucking tell I can't tell man Jared said the same thing

Do you think that I mean do we just not remember it right or do girls look different now when they're 15 They didn't we were 15 way different. Are you sure though? Yes, because they're now showing side boob in like like a young ages They didn't see that girl young some girls had bodies even back then like you remember in high school girls had boobs Girl, I mean there was there was girls that were 15 that had boobs for sure But they were also wearing underwear and not using Hitachi's and looking at porn. You know, they were... What?

Like, when we grew up, these girls were like... No, I'm saying do they look different physically? That's what I'm saying. Like, are they more mature early? Do they look like women earlier? Is that true? Or is it just the way they're dressing? I am so fucking confused.

I can't lie to you, man. Listen, when I was 18, I didn't dig 18-year-old women. So when I was 27, I didn't dig young women. They just make me nervous. They make me fidgety. Now, I just started getting comfortable. The reason why I go in the back and sit by the waitresses is because I always feel embarrassed. I want everybody's eye on me.

I don't want no misunderstandings that fucking I touch. You know what I'm saying? Right, right, right. I hate when I was, listen, when I was 20 and I go to a bar And I was snoring and having a good time. I'd see a 30 year old at the bar I get fucking pissed like little this punk ass bitch at a bar. You're too old guy go home You know never mind a 40 or 50 year old my blood pressure really goes up when I was like fucking 20 if I saw a 50 year old dancing on a disco oh

My fucking why is he here? Why? Why? I couldn't figure it out. That stayed with me for the rest of my life. So when I got to be 27, I already felt out of place in most places. Like, I was like, these people are looking at me like I'm here to do something bad. Never mind now.

And you got these young comics like Joey, and they come and hug you, and I'm fucking lost. I'm like, listen, I can't do it. I just feel weird. I feel too old at the store I feel old at the store do you know that like a shame so I just go that's so weird I sit on the freezer I don't bother nobody why do you feel like that oh my god because I was about to sit that shit when I was 20 yeah but it's a different thing now look I feel like when you go there it's just a nice group of people that we all like. Oh, no.

We all love. I know that. The waitstaff. I fucking love those people. The management, the bartenders, the comics. I love those people with all my heart. But why would you feel like you're too old to hang around there? Don't get me.

You would. Like, sometimes I'm driving. The waitresses will come out and go, can you get me right up the hill? Because they make the waitresses park all the way up in hell. Like by Crest Hill? Talk all the way up there. Oh, buy crest hill they've got a dog all the way up there waitresses and i just walked down and they walked down and i'll drive the waitresses up the hill with both hands on the steering wheel like looking straight ahead like when they're like good night i'm like good night get out of the car i don't want no problems you know but what can you tell a waitress

i'm not going to give you a ride right how you feel like a idiot but what can you tell a waitress? I'm not going to give you a ride. Right. You feel like a fucking idiot. But sometimes I'm like, you're leaving, Joey? Can you give me a ride up the hill? And you're like, okay. And all that stuff, bro, bothers me. Like, I can't. I just can't. Last night on the way back from fucking Ventura, I can't lie to you, this is Christmas, right?

I said, maybe there's a strip club. I haven't been to a strip club in 20 fucking years with Eddie. Last time I went to a strip club was with Eddie when we went down to Eddie's place. What was that? 201? Yeah, probably.

Right. That's the last time I've been to a strip club. I'm a fucking animal of a man. I don't even go to strip clubs. Last night I said, maybe I should go to a strip club. But it was between a strip club, hungry,

and getting gas I went got gas and I went home and had a piece of fucking cheese and I went to bed though I'm scared of strip club Petrified that I go on a strip club. I don't know good a jumbo. What do you scared of? I don't know Joe I'm just scared man Crazy women at my age. I'm scared of crazy fucking women, man. Are you scared that you would like them? I like everybody. I love women.

When you get to be 50, you look at 30-year-olds and go, Jesus Christ. Just a baby? Yeah, that's just a fucking baby. She doesn't even know how good that pussy is right now. She has no fucking idea. It's just so weird.

I don't know what a 14-year-old looks like or supposed to look like. Well, I don't remember. That's the problem. I don't accurately remember what they looked like when I was 14 compared to what they look like today. I'm pretty sure their bodies were exactly the same. We're just seeing more of it. Because we're seeing sluts. Like, they look like porn stars nowadays, you know, at 14, where that wasn't the case back then.

It was, you know. Yeah, it seems like there's definitely an influence, whether, like, the pop culture, like the Nicki Minaj, stick your ass out look, and all the Kim Kardashian stuff. No, the young sister. The young one. Definitely the Kardashians. It's the Kardashians.

Yeah, well, them for sure. Kendall, Kendall, that's the name. What has she done that every day she's on my Yahoo page? She's hot. Why is she on my Yahoo page every day with some young black skinny kid? It's all confusing. Now there's Kendall and what's the other one? It's all confusing.

It's all the whole thing. There's a gang of them. Kylie. You know, I was thinking about something. That's what I was thinking about, Kylie. Let me tell you something. I ain't mad at the fucking sister no more. I ain't mad at that fucking dirty whore.

I ain't mad at that bitch no more. You know what, man? She picked a loop. She pitched it. I read the article at that bitch no more. You know what, man? She picked a loop. She pitched it. I read the article about her fucking hat the other day. She was making a million dollars an hour or something like that. She broke the apple store. I can't be mad at her, man. She made it. That's

the American dream. How can I be mad at that? How can I be mad at that? She found the niche. She showed her pussy one time. She hasn't showed it anymore. It's like she shows her pussy every three weeks. She made a tape and she found a window. A little fucking window.

Do I like it? Do I want to hang out with her and Kanye fucking North, whatever? No. I don't want to hang out with those people. But let's give credit where credit is due, man. Well, she's the best ever at reality TV. That family is the best ever at reality TV. They figured out how to corner the market, to lock it down. Every family is the best ever at reality TV. They figured out

how to corner the market, to lock it down. Every scandal makes the show better. Like, there's some people that did reality TV and they got pretty famous,

like John and Kate Plus 8. Dust in the wind. What about the blonde chick that has a black boyfriend and he fucked a transvestite and they got back together? She's one of Hef's girls or something like that. There's a bunch of them.

But the John and Kate Plus Eight, they were giant. There was a giant show. It was all over the news, all over the magazines. Yeah. They had artificial insemination, and she had fucking six babies inside of her. It was insane. Well, they broke up, and they didn't survive the scandal. But these people, it doesn't matter what happens. It doesn't matter who they but these people doesn't matter what happens it doesn't matter who they marry doesn't matter who gets divorced

doesn't matter who decides they're a woman doesn't matter who decides they're a man doesn't matter just like the show keeps going they figured out a way that it's the right frequency of editing of like like real relatable drama and people that are just you know know, they look good. And they squeeze it all together in this crazy semi-fake show where it's not really a reality show. You can call it a reality show, but they set up every scenario.

It's obvious. So it's almost like semi-scripted. So this is weird show and these people, they're just famous for being famous. She fucking wakes up in the morning and she looks at a thing and she'll ask Kanye like, who's trending on

whatever. Who's trending? Ronda Rousey. Watch this. Bam! Within five minutes, she's trending number one. She goes to trend number one on Google. If you're trending number one on Google, you're selling shit. She's selling blouses and hairdos and Armenian dust and eye wax remover and fucking, you know, whatever the fuck.

Those Armenians have some fucking heavy-duty pussy hair. Those are Armenian. Those Middle Eastern chicks, you got to shave that pussy three times with a double-edged razor and shit. She got that Armenian hair, dog. Yeah, that's Armenian hair. You ain't cutting that with a scissor. Good luck. How did Stan Hope describe Asian pussy hair?

Something like rat whiskers? What did he describe it? Wiry. I forget how he described it. I'm fucking it up. That's funny. You don't think there's anything that could kill that whole thing? Like, I mean, Cosby, you would never have thought, like, something could take down Cosby.

You think double Cosby could take down Kardashian? What does that mean, double Cosby? What are you saying? Something that is so bad that could kill the brand. What's worse? It's hard to think. You'd have to be like double what he did is almost like murder. Yeah. You know? I mean, you have to murder someone. That's coming, right? No. Not necessarily.

Look, why? They haven't done anything wrong. Like, you think of what they've done. Like, you could hate the show for sucking. You could say it's boring and mindless. But so what? So is most shit that's on TV. I've never watched it, actually. I've seen the porn tape.

I think they set up Lamar Odom. Nah. They sent a bad batch of pussy to Lamar Odom. He went in there. I think he couldn't handle the pressure. Who, Lamar? Yeah. Yeah.

You ever see him freak out? He went after a photographer once. His mother-in-law cut his deal. And she got Laker tickets, season tickets for the rest of her life. Jesus Christ. That's the deal she cut, though. That's amazing. Yeah, it's like, it ain't a good show.

It's not something I want to spend my time watching. But why so mad? I've watched it ain't a good show. You know, it's not something I want to spend my time watching. But why so mad? I've watched it ten times on the road. It's on E! And you watch it. And it's not entertaining. And she doesn't amuse me. But here's my question.

Why is it, like, more offensive when something's not entertaining and it's quote-unquote reality, like semi-scripted? Why does that bother us, whereas a show where you're making shit up entirely it's totally scripted and it sucks doesn't bother you like there's a lot of shows that suck there's a lot of like our dramas that are fucking terrible you tried to watch and be like oh my god what is this shit but it doesn't offend you doesn't get you angry like people see that show like all the reality air quotes about it all the the nonsense, and you're like, why is anybody watching this?

This is crazy. And so they get mad. They get mad at that show, but they don't get mad at scripted shows. It's very strange. Just because those people are being themselves? Yeah, but so what? And so they're real people. I know, sort of, but they're not.

You know, it's all caricatures. Real people doing fake shit. Yeah, but it's like, who cares? Why do we care? But we do. We get upset. Because they're not doing anything special. It's not like Cirque du Soleil.

And they're doing handstands with one hand. And they've got someone standing on their feet doing a handstand on this guy. And there's like three people. And they're stacked. And they all look shredded like superheroes. Like, holy shit You watch them flip through the air and catch each other and do all that crazy shit It's undeniable that they put a crazy amount of work into achieving this

When you watch these people just be themselves and make more money than anybody who's ever lived Yeah, people don't seem to care anymore like I mean look at that you have all the YouTube stars They're like just mindless people talking that half of this time. They don't seem to care anymore. Like, I mean, look at the, you have all the YouTube stars. They're like just mindless people talking that half of the time they don't have any talent. They're just like pretty much rehashing people's jokes or ideas and thoughts and making tons of money. And YouTube's, you know, branding them as their YouTube stars. But like that's really popular and that's kind of like a Kardashian. It's not like, it's fake popular, and that's kind of like a Kardashian. It's not, like, it's fake shit. People doing fake shit.

Now, how long has that show been on TV? It's been on forever. It's been on forever. They're going to go back in the history, and they're going to find out that it was never not on the air. That it was actually, like, they used to do it by fire. They did shadow shows back in the fucking 1600s. What does she make a year?

Who knows? Hundreds of millions of dollars, probably. Jamie, what does she make a year? Who knows? Hundreds of millions of dollars probably. Jamie, what does she make a year? Jamie knows for sure. But my point is, like, I think it's a demonic show, and it's probably been here since the beginning of time, and we just pretend. We get sucked into a trance. Like, it just started, like, a few years ago, right?

We don't remember. It's one of those, like, Twilight Zone episodes. We'll realize one day, it's always been here, boy. That show's always been here. Like, you start remembering yourself as a child, waking up, looking out of your crib,

and Keeping Up with the Kardashians is on TV, and it doesn't even make any sense, because it's from a totally different era, but you remember it throughout your whole life, when no one was around, Keeping Up with the Kardashians was on some fucking strange phantom channel out there.

You just had to figure out how to tune it in. It's always been there, Joey. It's always been there. It seems like that, doesn't it? No. No, I'm high as fuck. I can't believe that even the guy with the fucking... Bam!

52 million. Yeah! What? Jesus Christ, that's a lot of money. She looks odd. Oh, yeah, dog. She's done. She's done. She's done.

That is something's going on. You look different. She still looks beautiful. She's still beautiful. A gorgeous woman. No doubt about it, right? She's goddamn beautiful. Look at her face.

Beautiful, classic face structure. Beautiful lips. Beautiful eyes. but she looks odd We see some butt pics though. Let's just stop We don't need to stare at this poor girl. You know I was telling you but why is why is it so offensive it is though What's a lot of her, but she doesn't do anything wrong? No, she's nuts. She's like I say a hundred times more stupid shit than she does She's like you know she seems like a nice person she

Kanye's awesome. I like Kanye. He says some stupid shit, but what fucking super talented young Uber celebrity doesn't say stupid shit? I mean, that guy's driven like, he's like, there's certain types of driven. It's like superstar type driven. That's what that guy is. He's got that superstar type drive. Those guys, they always have problems with people. They're always mad at someone. They're always mad at someone. They're always mad at the press, mad at this guy or that guy.

They're just these bundles of fury and inspiration and ideas, and they just don't always manage it correctly. That's why he came out with that song about assholes and douchebags. Remember that song that he came out with after he did the Taylor Swift thing? Let's hear it for the assholes. Jamie knows it. It's his phone ring. If you call him right now, we'll hear it. Do you know, if I tell you guys something?

I don't know one Kanye song. Oh, yeah, you do. Gold Digger. You know that Gold Digger song. Yeah, that one. That's a badass jab. Jamie Kennedy? What's his name?

No. Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx, Kennedy. That's a great fucking song. I know that one, but nothing else. Like Black Jesus. Oh, let me tell you this before I forget. Jamie Foxx, you have to listen to Jamie Foxx on the Tim Ferriss podcast.

Holy shit. Tim Ferriss got together with Jamie Foxx and did some epic, crazy long podcast where Jamie Foxx breaks down his showbiz experiences. It's fucking amazing. Jamie Foxx is one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. When you hear just how he organizes parties, he would get to parties, he goes, you know what, how we do it? We just do it. We just, everybody's cool. That's all I want. And no, no, no assholes. No one's a dick. I call people up, no haters. Everybody's cool. You're cool. He's cool.

Everybody's cool. We get some bomb ass bitches. We get some girls that are hot, but they're not stuck up. They're friendly and not too slutty. Just right there. The's cool. We get some bomb ass bitches. We get some girls that are hot, but they're not stuck up They're friendly and not too slutty just right there the perfect mix and get this perfect make any and he's talking about all these artists That he has come over and he had Kanye West come over and he asked Kanye West to Freestyle and Kanye West freestyled in front of everybody and he all these other guys like man. I've been hearing about you He's talking about all these different like at the time up- coming people like drake who became like these big huge superstars it's amazing it's a fucking amazing podcast jame i'm i've always thought jamie foxx is insanely talented like if you see the way he sings i see the way he acts like that red fire or the um uh ray charles movie

i mean god damn he stole it god damn he's, he's good. He's amazing, right? And on top of that, he's a stand-up comic. But when you hear him talk, you realize, oh, dude, this guy is a master at life. He's figured out how to live life. Did you watch his Inside the Actor's Studio? No.

No. I want to hear it, though. About his grandmother. His grandmother raised him. Yeah. His grandmother used to make him play the piano every day. Wow. And his grandmother, just he took every big movie experience that he had and related it to his grandmother. The football movie, his grandmother fucking raised him, right? But the piano one was the story, but the music and how he got Ray Charles.

Yeah. That's his grandma. Used to make him play the piano. Just, you know, and then this thing at the store, he changed his name to Jamie Foxx, so they thought he was a girl. Laugh Factory. Whatever, and they called him up on stage.

Yeah, when he signed up at the Laugh Factory, changed his name to Jamie Foxx, because the girls got on stage more than guys did, because there wasn't that many of them. That's hilarious. You know, so, yeah. Smart. You see these guys, and they come and go,

and I read them. I can't stand when I see these guys and they come and go and i read them i can't stand when i see these people to the shams and all of a sudden they're part of the social thing and they're fucking terrible but then you get some guy like him that put the work and i heard that when he was on a living call he still couldn't get an agent when he was doing that fucking shake and whatever he couldn't get an agent like nobody would represent him shit like that that's crazy that's crazy. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy to me.

But you know what, man? Cream always rises to the top. He would play a drag queen, right? Yeah. He would play whatever it matters. Was it a drag queen or a woman who was playing? Shanaynay? Shanaynay.

Something like that. Was it a drag queen or a woman? What's that? Shanaynay was Martin Lawrence. Oh, okay. You're right. You're right. Shanaynay was La Fonda.

That's right. Was it supposed to be a woman? Just implied To interpretation he's great. Oh, he's he's great and everything with Tom Cruise to me Isn't he doing a Mike Tyson movie right now? I don't know is he? Have you ever dressed up as a woman Joe? Oh, yeah, really For sure. Yeah, I did in a public access show on TV in 1988. We were like open micers, me and this dude, Todd Parker, and a couple other guys. It was like Larry Raspucci. When we first started out doing stand-up, we were all open micers together.

And there he is. Wanda. Wanda. Wanda, the massage therapist the lips is hilarious jamie foxx is a bad motherfucker dude anyway we did this um we found out that you could get like time on cable access shows they just like let you use cable access and you could you could make your own television show so we put together these horrible sketches and in one of them, I played a woman.

I had a dress on and a wig. I forget what the fucking sketch was, but I had to come in and sweep the guy off his feet and run away with him. It was so stupid. Like, I don't remember what it was, but I wore a dress then. I fucking hate it. I have a picture of you, Joey, dressed up as a woman. I fucking always hate it. My girls have dressed me up like a girl before.

I've never done it. I'm scared. Don't be scared dressed me up like a girl before. I've never done it. I'm scared. Don't be scared. You might make a hot chick. You might look at yourself in the mirror and you go, maybe I should just fucking run with this.

I'll tell you what I'm saying. Like Eddie Izzard. You don't even have to address it. Like Eddie Izzard, he'd go on stage dressed up like a woman and not say a word. Yeah, it might be too hot.

No, I can't. I can't dress up like a woman. It bothers my core. Your core? I'm too Spanish. Yeah, it drives me fucking nuts. I can't dress up like a woman. It bothers my core. Your core? I'm too Spanish. Yeah, it drives me fucking nuts. I never got the joke. Much is small.

I never got the joke. Like, after I see you with the dress on, okay, now I got to stand like this, like a fucking asshole? That's right. It's like if you go to a football game with a jersey on, and your team loses. You got to get back on the train with that stupid fucking shirt on. That's a long train ride home, you dumb fuck. I've always been one of those guys.

I ain't wearing no jersey, you jack off. Your team loses. There you are on the train like a fucking Momo there. That's hilarious. I can't commit. I ain't got that type of fucking commitment. Fuck you. I can't do it. That's why the dress thing, like I've

been to shows and we wanted you to dress up like a dog. It's not going to work. Who was it? Was it Dave Chappelle that was saying that there's a certain thing that happens to black actors, like black comedians, black actors? They get to a certain level of popularity, and then they start putting them in movies where they make them wear dresses. And it's so true.

Once he said it, I started looking into it. Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy. Julie Newmar, right, where Wesley Snipes shredded is a chick. He's fucking yoked and shredded. He's a chick, right? There's a gang of those movies. The Martin Lawrence movies. Eddie Murphy played

his mom, right? What did he play? His grandma? He played all of them, I think. He played all of them, right? He's played women. He's done women before. And it just goes back through, like, television history. They would take, like,

famous black comedians and they would make them play women. They would play women in movies. Like, yeah, there's Wesley Snipes and, uh,

what's his face? The dude on the left? And Patrick Swayze? John Leguizamo and Patrick Swayze. Powerful Patrick Swayze. He didn't even fuck and Patrick Swayze. Powerful Patrick Swayze. I caught a movie I forgot all about the other day. By mistake, I caught it.

How fucking good is that movie? A movie called Revenge with Anthony Quinn and the fucking bodyguard. What's his name? Kevin Costner. Oh, I remember that movie. And that beautiful woman. Who's that woman? The crazy one. The crazy one that he cheated on and then fucking Martin Quinn put a fucking beating on him.

But hey, go to Revenge. The beating that Anthony Quinn puts on, what's his fucking name? That's a good movie. That Anthony Quinn gets out of the hospital, or what's his name, gets out of the hospital, and he teams up with Leguizamo, and he makes her a hooker.

Remember, he cuts her face. He goes, you want to get fucked? I'm going to send you to a place where you get fucked every day. with Leguizamo and they go she makes her a hooker remember he cuts her face you wanna get fucked I'm gonna send you to a place where you get fucked every day and he fucking slices her face and they throw her through the hooker house and they just come in drug her and fuck her all day long and then fucking what's his name has to come and save her I forgot all about that fucking movie look at Anthony Quinn how badass he was at 70 he was still spitting out kids in Mexico at 70 what's her name I forget the girl but now the dudes beating up Kevin Costner stole Madeline Stowe oh yeah it was Madeline Stowe. Oh, yeah. It was Madeline Stowe. They beat the shit out of Kevin Costner.

Ugh. It's a dark movie. This is a really fucked up movie. And Anthony Quinn, though, you know, his shit, that motherfucker was a real actor. That dude was a Mexican that played everything, a cowboy, a gangster. Yeah.

Whew. It's a good movie, though. Anthony Quinn did a lot of good movies. Bro, Anthony Quinn did 110, Across 110th Street. He did something about pool. Didn't he play a pool in somebody? He played somebody. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Who was the old guy in The Hustler? Jackie Gleason? No, the other guy. The guy that was running the game oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah god damn badass motherfucker yeah George C Scott George C Scott yeah George C Scott was Bert George C Scott this fucking guy these guys were savages yeah I watched the movie George C Scott where his daughter's a runaway and she becomes a stripper he has to find her yeah she was a porn star right she was a stripper and he has to find her. Yeah, she becomes a porn star, right?

She was a porn star and I've been watching some fucked up shit lately on the road. On the road, you bump into some good fucking movies. Hardcore. Remember?

That's what it was called. The George C. Scott movie, Hardcore. That's the name of it? What is that? Anthony Quinn playing pool. Oh, really? Yeah.

Huh. I never heard of it. He was a pool hustler? It comes up on Wikipedia. Oh, okay., oh just maybe a scene where he plays pool Huh pool was just a giant pastime back then you know the turn of the century is a thousand pool halls in New York City The 19th century like between like 1900 from the 1818 century 19th century, like between 1900 from the 18th century. What the heck, yeah.

A thousand fucking pool halls in New York City. From the 19th to the 20th. When it turned to the 1900s, the beginning of the century, apparently there was a thousand pool halls. It was so common. Like, everybody played pool. There was no TV, right? There's no, I mean, live music.

You can go see live music. There's no records. They didn't even have records. I mean, I guess they had phonographs maybe a few people had them but bachelors Especially like young men would go and they would hang out at these pool halls It was like that was their the lifestyle choice for the men who didn't go for the married with kids thing He didn't go for the married with there's like these people that felt like they were on the outside And they will all get together in these pool halls and they would just do what men wanted to really do. They wanted to hang out late and drink and gamble

and do drugs and play cards. And that's what these places always were for these guys. It's like a refuge from the regular life. Like, you can exist. You might not be as profitable. You might, but at least it'll be fun. So they all just got together. And it was like the bachelor lifestyle

of the early 20th century. Isn't that crazy? Before I forget, I've got to ask you something. Are you covering next week's fight or no? Which one's next? No. Yeah. Yeah, the one, the second?

Robbie Longer versus... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, yeah. Oh, I didn't think... Are you kidding? I asked you if you were doing a show and you were like, no. No, I'm not doing a show. Okay.

Not doing a comedy show. I can't do the Cot Theater that much. It's a giant place. I just... We just sold it out like two weeks ago. I can't... I've got to take time off. Okay, no, I didn't... That's why Theater that much. It's a giant place. We just sold it out, like, two weeks ago. I got to take time off. Okay, no, that's why I asked you. I didn't even know.

You never even mentioned that. They want to do it all the time, but I don't think... A lot of the people are transient, but a lot of these people are, like, the same people that keep coming over and over again. Like, Vegas is such a hot spot now for stand-up and for fights, rather. You know, people are coming from everywhere.

So I feel like I got to come up with at least some new material before I come back here again. No, no, I don't know for sure if you're even going. Because when I asked you, you didn't sound too enthusiastic about it. So I'm like, maybe he's not even going to the fight. And I'm not hearing much about it online. If you didn't talk to me about the fight, if you didn't think I was enthusiastic about the fight. Who else is on the card? I'll tell you right now, it's a good card.

But the big fight, of course, is Carlos Condon versus Robbie Lawler. And one of the things that makes that fight so interesting is that Robbie Lawler is not known to take people down. It's like he's taken out so few people in his life. I can't think of a single submission that he's attempted. I mean, I'm sure he has attempted a submission. I just can't recall one. Because all Robbie Lawler's fights is Robbie Lawler trying to knock you

into another dimension. That's how the fights go. The fights go ding, here he comes, good luck. I CAN'T RECALL ONE. ALL ROBBIE LOWER'S FIGHTS IS ROBBIE LOWER TRYING TO KNOCK YOU INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION. THAT'S HOW THE FIGHTS GO. THE FIGHTS GO DING, HERE HE COMES, GOOD LUCK. YOU KNOW, BUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROBBIE AND ALL THE GUYS THAT CARLOS HAS HAD PROBLEMS WITH IN THE PAST IS THAT THOSE

GUYS KEPT TAKING CARLOS DOWN. NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF ROBBIE WILL INCORPORATE THAT KIND OF STRATEGY JUST BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT'S BEEN EFFECTIVE IN THE PAST. GSP HAD GOOD EFFECT WITH Hendricks had a good result with it. And the guys who managed to take Carlos down and smother him, those are guys who have some pretty good success.

Robbie Lawler has good success just smashing. He's just a fucking awesome striking machine and such a tough guy. His mentality, like the bulldog in him, is 100%. That guy is zero quit. But neither does Condit. Condit's got a little bit more sneaky ways to win. He's really good at submissions. Very good off of his back. Very good at capitalizing

on moments. And he also, he can kickbox too. And he's real slick. He throws all kinds of crazy shit. Step in elbows. He does a lot of shit that you don't predict. Fucking flying knees last time. Oh yeah. He's a lot of shit that you don't predict. Fucking flying knees last time. Oh, yeah. Think about it.

He's a bad motherfucker. I mean, I love Ruth. I'm not saying that Carlos Connors is going to win, but I'll tell you what I like the most about Carlos Connors in this corner. I don't really know who Robbie's trainers are down on ATT, but they have an excellent game plan. When you fight for Winkle John, whatever, you go in there with such a great,

and I didn't see it until the Holly Holm fight. That's when I learned what game plan is to the Holly Holm fight. Then I put together John Jones fights, and I basically thought the most about him against Diaz, how he fought Diaz. They always have a great game plan, Winkle John, Smith, and it's how good you stick to it. And against Diaz, this motherfucker stuck to it That's why he snuck out that victory, you know, if he sticks to the game plan, whatever They always have a great game Yeah, and they review it and review it and review it and review it and review it That's why Holly Holm did what she did even when Rhonda went for shit on her that she would usually get

They knew her instincts. They knew what I forget what that word is They knew what she was going to do, and they worked it and drilled it and drilled it. She kept her hips low. All those little things, I really don't know. I just saw the guy from George St. Pierre's camp break down the video, and I thought about it.

Faraz Ahabi. Faraz Ahabi, and I go, you know why she did that? Because they went over it, and they had a game plan, and they knew what her tendency was going to be, and they worked on the anti-tendency and i thought back to his fight and i thought back to like maybe three of fucking john jim john jones jim jones john jones fights and i said that that's what i like about that camp i've always liked that that they really and that's why i'm not saying i like them but I'm saying in this particular fight I'm just saying it's a very competitive fight no no no it's a very competitive fight I would think the real questions are is Robbie

gonna follow that game pan or is he gonna try to take Carlos down if he decides to try to take Carlos down just to fuck with them just to mix it up it could be very interesting if they both just stand up it's gonna be chaos it'll be a crazy war give me oh shit yeah both guys fucking christ guys have crazy power but i'm just i wonder who's going to try to do something sneaky because robbie's like not a sneaky fighter he's super skillful very tough just aggressive but you know what's coming whereas guys will mix things up and do things different and do like george saint pierre is a perfect example he always had like a game plan he was always real sneaky at mixing things up it was things different. George St. Pierre is a perfect example. He always had a game plan. He was always real sneaky at mixing things up.

It was one of the most effective aspects of his game is he didn't know if he was going to take you down or stand with you. So you're always tense and always worried about what's coming, and then he would shoot and you'd be on your back and you'd be eating elbow sandwiches. So Robbie's not like that. Robbie's like a straightforward, come-towards-you, smart, smart with his movement and his angles, very hard to take down, but determined to stand and smash you.

So Carlos won't have to worry. And he fucking hits hard, though. He fucking hits real hard. He fucking hits like a truck, though. Yeah, that's a big part. Well, he's got so much confidence in his power. You know, if you watch that fight with Melvin Manhoef, he's getting his ass kicked, okay? Melvin Manhoef is kicking the shit out of his legs.

And Robbie Lawler uncorks with a fucking bomb, one punch, one haymaker on the jaw, and Melvin's whole body just stiffens up like he got tasered, just... He falls to the ground, and Robbie smashes him again when he's down, and it's just one of the most brutal one-shot knockout power, not power punches, in all of MMA, and he's always trying to do that. Every punch he's trying to do that. He's just trying to just knock you in ONE SHOT KNOCKOUT POWER, NOT POWER PUNCHES IN ALL OF MMA. AND HE'S ALWAYS TRYING TO DO THAT. EVERY PUNCH HE'S TRYING TO DO THAT. HE'S JUST TRYING TO KNOCK YOU IN ANOTHER DIMENSION. AND HE KNOWS HE CAN DO IT. HE'S JUST GOT TO HIT YOU JUST RIGHT.

AND CONDIT CAN DO IT TOO, MAN. CONDIT KNOCKS DUDES DEAD. YOU WATCHED THAT DAN HARDY FIGHT, CAUGHT DAN WITH THAT NASTY LEFT HOOK. OR THE STUN GUN FIGHT, THAT FLYING KNEE TO THE FACE. OR THE TIAGO ALVES FIGHT, HE SMASHED HIM WITH THAT STEP IN ELBOW. HE'S REAL TRICKY. HE'S GOT A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT WAYS TO WIN. or the stun gun fight, that flying knee to the face, or the Tiago Alves fight. He smashed him with that step-in elbow. He's real tricky. He's got a bunch of different ways to win. He's tall, he's long, and he's real good off of his back,

real sneaky off of his back, real good at attacking when he goes to the ground. He's caught guys in arm bars and triangles. He's no joke, man. He's no joke. It's an interesting fight. It's real interesting if Robbie decides to just only stand with him. Because if Carlo doesn't have to worry about the takedown as much, you get to see a lot

more looseness to his striking game. It's going to be a nutty fight, man. I want to ask you something, Moses. Are you going to go see this movie, Concussion? Fuck yeah. You really want to see it? I think I'm going to see it too. I'm going to watch it. You know where the big fight on that card is? Here's a fight that no one's talking about. Lorenz Larkin versus Albert Tuminov.

Dude, are you fucking kidding me? These guys are killers. This is probably one of the most underrated fights in the 170-pound division right now. This is a fight that everybody should be talking about. And if these guys had had more on-air fights, especially Larkin at 170, and Tumanov just fought Arbor Alan Joban and just starched him.

He is nasty. His fucking striking is so fluid and loose. His boxing, his hands, and Larkin is a beast too. That's a sick fight. It's a really good fight. That's a fight that people should be talking about, like a lot of people

should be talking about this right now. And for whatever reason it's just flown totally under the radar. Like I almost forgot it was even on the card. I gotta be honest with you, this card is flown under the radar. It's a good card. It's a great card but nobody's really, I think the holidays, they're confused, I don't know what it is.

Nobody's really saying, well this is the fight for me. Here's another good fight. Brandão and Ortega. Ortega is a Gracie Jiu-Jitsu black belt, and he's coming off a suspension for the PED. He got the Kuhut. For what? The Jiu-Jitsu juice.

He had a little bit of the steroids in the system. Now, this McDonald. Gave him a little suspension. This McDonald kind of. Is this Roy McDonald? Michael McDonald. Oh, Michael McDonald returns. That's exciting.

He's been off for a long time. That kid's been off for more than a year, I believe. He's fucking good. That kid's good. He's got nasty power in his hands, too. And he looks like a small, slightly built guy, but my God, he hits hard.

Diego Brandao and Brian Ortega fight, that's a good fight. That should be a real good fight. I don't know why Ortega was doing anything. He might have had an injury he's trying to recover from. A lot of these guys, they get caught with steroids. A lot of these guys are just doing steroids. Some of these guys, they get caught with steroids. And what it is is, well, a lot of these guys are just doing steroids.

But some of these guys, they get injured, and they're trying to get back in there, so they take a chance. They just, I hope I don't get tested. I'm going to try this for six weeks. It'll be out of my system in six weeks, but it'll ramp up my recovery by 30% or more. And so they take the chance. I'm not giving him any excuses. I don't know if that was the case with him, but I just want to say with some people, that is definitely

the case. Star Wars are real tricky, man, because for the longest time, they've just been able to use them whenever anything was injured. You know, either you used it all the time, like some guys certainly did, or you used it when you had injuries, which is like a very reasonable approach. But

you know, we're just fine. You know, Glace and T t-bow just failed two tests yeah one for i don't know what it was but one was for epo and if you look at glace and t-bow that guy might have the second best body in the ufc next to fucking next to uh yoel romero like glace and t-bow is ridiculously shredded you It's just that there's a culture of people using banned substances. They've been doing it for a long time, I think. These guys the UFC hired, they're not fucking around. Really?

They're not fucking around. They're going to wake you up at 6.30 in the morning, pee in the cup, Joey Diaz. Like, what? Pee now? I can't. Sure you can. We'll wait.

They don't leave your side. They stay with you. They watch you pee. They collect your shit. They do it a couple times. They do it randomly. They show up whenever they want. If they have suspicions, like if Novitsky suspects something's wrong, he thinks you're

cheating, they'll just be up your ass with a microscope. Are they testing you in competition mode or off-season? They're doing everything. I'm not fighting until October. It doesn't matter. Right now, I'm just a coach. They just might show up. Okay.

Well, that's what happened with Vanderlei. Vanderlei did not have a fight scheduled, and they just showed up to test him. And he was like, what? And he just ran out the door. Vanderlei has become Trump. Vanderlei has become Donald Trump of Brazil. He just says, who's he want to smack in the face yesterday? Conor.

Yeah, yesterday. Conor said he would whoop Jesus' ass. God, we're getting so crazy. Every fucking month he says one thing. I feel terrible for Vandale. I'm very conflicted about this. I feel terrible for Vandale because I was was a Vanderlei Silva fan my whole life. I think if I had to pick one fighter that I'm like my most favorite guy to watch fight, it might be Vanderlei.

It's real close. In his pride days, he was just a fucking awesome spectacle. He was amazing. And when they banned him for life, I think that broke his heart. And when the UFC couldn't do anything about it because it's the Nevada State Athletic Commission, he's got to fight in court, so he feels abandoned. I don't know what the position is. I mean, everybody's position that I know as far as like trainers, commentators, fighters, everyone across the board was like, that's outrageous. The guy didn't even fail. He didn't even fail a drug test. You're going

to ban him for life? That's so crazy. And by all accounts, Vandal is one of the nicest guys ever. Every time I met him, he's super friendly. I don't know if the guy was doing something. What I do know is there's a penalty if you got caught. That penalty at the time was only like nine months. I'm like, how are you going to take a guy that if he did get caught, you'd get a nine-month penalty, and you're saying forever? You can't ever make money? Like, that's cruel. That's a cruel way of conducting business. Like, you don't care about this guy.

This guy's a legend. This sport, like, the reason why people come and pay all that money and go to see fights and use their credit cards and buy beer and the whole revenue of the town, it's because of the product, and that product is fighting. AND HE WAS A FIGHTING FIGHTER. HE WAS A FIGHTING FIGHTER. HE WOULD COME TO THE TOWN AND BUY CARDS AND BEER AND THE REVENUE OF THE TOWN. IT'S BECAUSE OF THE PRODUCT.

THAT PRODUCT IS FIGHTING. OUT OF THOSE FIGHTERS, VANDALAY WAS ONE OF THE MOST LOVED AND ONE OF THE MOST RESPECTED AND REVERED FIGHTERS. PEOPLE WOULD COME TO SEE HIM. HIS VERY PRESENCE WOULD GENERATE INCOME.

FOR THEM TO JUST NOT EVEN TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THAT THIS GUY WAS A just not even take into account that this guy was a legend and just never failed before, ever. Never failed a single drug test. And then all of a sudden, they cut his career out from under him. He lost his mind, I think. He made them nervous. He made people nervous. You know, he was just making people nervous, I think. And he was saying shit.

He didn't do that until after he got banned. He was a company man. No, but wasn't he? Vandeley was a company man. No, but wasn't he? Vandalee was a company man. He always supported the UFC. I fight anybody anytime, anywhere. I know that. But didn't something happen during the taping of that show?

I don't know. What do you mean? Didn't he do something? Did he coach somebody? Yeah. That's how it all. During that, he was a little. I don't know.

What happened? I don't know. Didn't he do like like, Ultimate Fighter? I think so. Where he coached somebody. Yeah. And during that, he was having moments. I'm like you.

I met him. I think he's fucking great. You know, I watched all the old footage. The fights he was involved in were fucking great. But I don't... You know, now, when I read that yesterday, I'm like, you know, Dana White's sitting there going, this guy says something crazy every month. Yeah.

If I was Dana White, I'd sleep with one eye open too. Because Vandal A. Silver, you never know with that motherfucker. You never know. You ever watch some Pink Panther? He told Kato to attack him no matter what. He used to tell Kato, I want you to attack me no matter what. Attack me.

And he would come home and look around Kato. And he would go into every room. And then he would fucking he would come home and look around kato and he was going to every room and then he would fucking he would kato it for 15 minutes and shit and then he'd go huh and then he'd have a bag of groceries he put the groceries down he'd open up the refrigerator and kato come out of the refrigerator same thing with vanderley silver like they get like there was a report on the wire vanderley silver's in Las Vegas. And nobody could find it.

They're looking for Vandalay Silver. And all of a sudden, they're, like, waiting there. Dana's got his bodyguard, another guy. Everybody's got bodyguards. And all of a sudden, right during the fight, you see a fucking rope come down with Anderson. Vandalay. With Vandalay.

I told you I'd kill you! You know, I could see. That's the shit. Like, he makes people nervous. And he's real. You know, he starts say. That's the shit. Like, he makes people nervous. And he's real. He starts swinging, somebody's dying. He was with Chael Sonnen. That's what it was.

Listen, with all the anger. Chael Sonnen, they had a real problem with that. Oh, yeah. They had a real problem with that. Well, a lot of Brazilians got upset with him, too. With all the. Bizarre heel turn on top offers cautionary tale to veteran fighters. Wow.

Interesting. He got... And I love him. He's just real. Well, Chael Sonnen just wound him up to the point where he was, like, ready to fight all the time. All the time. And Brazilians got upset with him. You know, they're like, you're not representing us right.

Like, you're making us look like we're just thugs ready to fight for no reason. But, like, for Vandele, he's like, this guy's making it personal. He's making it real. I want to fucking kill him. I want to kick his ass right now. Fuck this. You know, Vanderlei, like, wanted to, like, stand his ground. The whole thing was crazy.

But Chael Sonnen was hilarious in that. Don't touch me. Don't touch. No, don't get close. He, like, keeps his hand up to his head and then eventually just decides to take him down. Why, man? Fuck if it happens. We're out of time,

Joey Diaz. God damn it. It's Christmas Eve, man. It is. We have to spend this together. It's Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas, my brother. This is like nobody. Nobody. Wilshire Theater is a Wiltern.

Is it sold out? It's sold out. Yeah, it's sold out. Yeah, it's been sold out for a while. There's like, there's a single or a couple

single tickets left, but that's next week, friends. Very out. Yeah, it's been sold out for a while. There's a couple single tickets left, but that's next week, friends. Very excited. Ooh, boy. Thursday night. Yeah, it's going to be fun. A week from today. Yeah, we're excited, too.

So, Brian, you got some shit going on, too, right? Yeah, this Saturday, day after Christmas, me and Tony Hinchcliffe and Ashley Barnhill will be in Austin at the Spider House Ballroom, and then followed by Dallas the following day at Hyena's Comedy Club. We're doing Kill Tony, followed by a comedy show in both cities. You're using local folks for Kill Tony? Yeah, yeah. They sign up a half hour before the show.

You can go to devsquad.tv and get the tickets. Click on tour dates. Nice, nice. Joe Diaz, what's going on? Anything? Anything to tell these people? I'm doing a New Year's show with you, and I'm taking a week off like you do just to revitalize myself.

Revitalize. Get that life in order. And I start the Savage Dad Tour January 28th in motherfucking Charlotte, North Carolina. And what is the website? Website for tickets? JoeyDiaz.net. Oh, for Charlotte. For anything.

Go to JoeyDiaz.net. JoeyDiaz.net. All right, you fucks. Thank you, everybody. See you next week. Stay whatever color.net, Charlotte. JoeyDiaz.net. All right, you fucks. Thank you, everybody. See you next week. Stay whatever color you are, please.