The Joe Rogan Experience - #76 - Bobby Lee

Episode Date: February 1, 2011

Joe sits down with Bobby Lee.

The thing is, is those beads... Have you seen the blue one? The beads? The avatar one? No, it looks like a flashlight, right? Right. And you stick the thing inside it, right? Yeah, that one. I have that.

I have these little beads that you turn on. You stick your balls in it. I know, but there's these beads on mine that you put in and it vibrates. It's three beads and it goes on the side. If you open that up, you can put beads inside. But the beads only last five minutes, right? And I take ten minutes to do it. So the last five minutes you're just holding your breath? No, I have a whole system in the side. I have all these batteries. Well, why don't you just have two

and then you have two fleshlights and so you have one on standby. Because cleaning them is a half an hour thing. Half an hour? What do you use, a toothbrush? No, I use hot oil. You use hot oil to clean them? a toothbrush no no no i use hot oil you use hot oil to clean them no no no from the gulf no no i i i um i microwave oil for five seconds and you get it warm you can't do it too hot i did it once and i scalded my soft eyes oh no yeah yeah but burns but um yeah you put the oil in it right yeah and then you put the beads in it. It vibrates. It's so good. It feels so good. I've never heard of it.

It's like making love to an android, which is my fantasy dream. But the beads run out of energy. So only five minutes for these whack-ass beads. Yeah, and brand new. You have to put

three of those, what do you got, the watch batteries, the little tiny ones, in them. What? Three tiny watch batteries. Yeah, so you're talking about $30 a pop when you're doing that.

Wow. Where do you get these beads? I've never even heard of these beads. Open that up. Open that up. I bet you there's bead slots. No. Yeah, yeah.

Serious? I'm sure you're not talking about a competitor. No, that's it. See? Okay, now go. You tell me what the slots are. On mine, I have three slots here. Oh, so yours is designed for it specifically.

It is a flashlight. A flashlight. But it's a different one. It's a different one. You stick in there and go... Oh, maybe you've got a vibrator model or something. Or a vibrator compatible. Oh, yes, they do have the vibrator models.

I remember seeing that. Yeah, yeah, I have that one. Yeah. But it's the same. It looks exactly the same. It's a very... You know, this is a controversial thing, man. I do a whole series of...

I do a whole bit about it on stage. But this really is controversy. Why? Because people didn't want me getting sponsored by a fake vagina. controversial thing man i do a whole series of uh i do a whole bit about it on my on stage but this really is controversy why because people don't want didn't want me getting sponsored by a fake vagina why like there's somehow or another it's like bad for your reputation does it really take you 10 minutes to come yeah because now when you have regular sex does it take you 10 minutes no it takes you longer can i say something i want to can i say something to you sure i'm i'm very i'm being very specific on my porn the The thing is that I need the interview. You okay?

You know the interview? The interview where the girl sits down. So where are you from? Where are you from? I'm from Ohio. You know what I mean? How much porn have you done? Not that much.

This is my second time. Or first. And I need to sense a little fear. In her voice, right? And then check it out. You know the first time when they do it? The first timers? When the penis goes in the vagina

I have to look at their eyes In the eyes They have to question Their decision That's how you get excited? Yeah yeah You know how Like when the penis goes in

They have to go Mom Do you associate that With any past sexual experiences Where you see the look In the girl's eyes She's like What the fuck

Is Bobby Lee doing inside me? And then You get excited Like tricked him again Josie No no no I think what it is Is this in the girl's eyes she's like what the fuck is Bobby Lee doing inside me and then you get excited like tricked him again Josie no no no I think what it is is this

I think that my penis it's not even an ethnic thing but my penis is abnormally small I don't care about it because you know what I mean

I'm rapping like how small it's just small like thumb no yeah it's thicker than that alright

but the thing is is that and girls you know they like my bubbly personality I'm like a dream weaver You're fun I tickle You bring a party

And so then all of a sudden This party is fucking your mouth And when I'm with a girl I look in their eyes I've never had the sensation of Them going, oh, you know what I mean? Like it's too big.

Right. You know what I mean? I have a friend of mine who had that same problem and so what he started doing was getting, he got a strap on. He got this crazy thing that covers his dick

and it was like his dick would go on and then this like big fake dick would go over his dick and we were talking to him about it. We were like,

well, what's up? Like, why do you, what are you doing that for? And he goes, just once I want to see a girl like have talking to him about it. We were like, well, what's up? What are you doing that for? He goes, just once. I want to see a girl have a hard time taking it. They can always take it so easy. I'm never hurting them. So are you really big into anal?

No, I don't do that. You think you would be, though, because most girls, even with your small dick, would be like, hey. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because for me, it's like I want them to have pleasure, too. Some girls like it. I know a girl that likes anal better than regular sex. She just wants anal all the time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the poop goes into my hole. It does. And I don't need that in my life. We talked about a terrible scene. Did we talk about that on the podcast?

The naughty show thing? Yeah, yeah, we did it last time. Poop snakes are actually cool. Have you ever had a poop? What? Shut up. What's a poop snake? When you piss,

and after anal sex, there's a little poop snake coming out. No, I don't need that in my life. You should try it. He's just talking nonsense. He's being silly. He does this all the time. You can't take him seriously.

You've never had a poop snake, to be honest. Never. I've had poop smell, though, and that was worse. There's a girl I had sex with a long time ago. Back when I was 21, I lost my boner

because I was banging her doggy style and I saw poop around her butthole. I realized that she didn't really wipe that good. And then I started smelling it because of the funk of the sex and the sweat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you wet nap it? Do you ever do that? My butt? Yeah. Yeah, I wet nap the sweat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you wet nap it? Do you ever do that?

My butt? Yeah. Yeah, I wet nap my butt. Oh, baby. Yeah. You know what? And that's respect. You can't flush those, by the way.

That's respect, right? You cannot flush those. What? You got to wipe yourself first, and then you got to get the baby wipes, and then you got to throw the baby wipes away, which is kind of gross. Why can't you flush baby wipes? Well, if you live in an apartment, go flush away. But if you live in a house, eventually they're going to get clogged up.

And you're going to have to have a group of dudes come in your backyard and find this pipe stuffed full of your shit rags. Are you sure you weren't using unbreakables? No, bro. I've used flushable baby wipes. The flushable ones dissolve. They never break. They don't. That's the thing.

They pretend they do. They don't really. They become like goo. They don't dissolve like toilet paper. And they get tied up on things. In my area, we have issues because we're kind of rural. We have issues with trees growing into your pipes.

It's an issue. There's so many trees out here. The trees will grow through like a crack in the pipe. One of them became like a goddamn tree. I posted pictures of it on Twitter. It's so ridiculous, nobody even fucking believes it My toilet was clogged

I couldn't figure out what was going on with it So I had these plumbers come out They pulled a fucking 8 foot tree Out of my toilet Maybe not 8 foot How big was it? At least 5 feet It was pretty long It looked like a muppet

It looked like some sort of an animal, like somebody flushed some wood rat. But are you worried that if they open up the pipe, there's stuff with wet gnats, but can't you just say it's my children's? No, it's mine. I don't give a... I'll fucking own it. I'm not going to throw my kids under the bus. Oh, right, right, right.

That's ridiculous. Well, you're not supposed to be... The diaper wipes, you definitely don't flush because they're really thick and coarse. I mean, not coarse, but strong. They would not break up, definitely. But flushable baby wipes, those bitches don't break up either. The guy told me, no, they say they break up.

People say because I pulled them out of people's pipes all the time. So they had to, like, dig a hole. But it was really... The issue, more or less, was that there was a root that was blocking part of the area. Not as bad as the one that was in the toilet. The one that was in the toilet was fucking ridiculous.

I'll find it and I'll repost that shit on Twitter because it's just so silly. It doesn't even make sense. It's so silly. It really didn't look real. Like I couldn't believe it.

That was after I'd moved to Colorado so I left the house for a couple months and nobody was flushing. Yeah, I just wish masturbating lasted longer for me. Because to me, it's just like I seriously have to focus on slowing it down. Why not just get it done?

What are you trying to do there, fella? No, that's with sex and everything. With masturbation, though, isn't that like you're just trying to get it over with? Yeah, but I like to enjoy it, you know? Do you really? I mean, it feels good when you're doing it, right? So why not have it go for like 10 minutes?

Yeah, well, the other day when I was in New York, I tried to masturbate to porn on the internet. I couldn't finish. Right. So then after about an hour, I finished half hard.

And you always feel like a failure because my orgasm was like 50%. You know what I mean? And I just sat there with like you know my hand like with this marshmallow in my hand you know i mean just sitting there naked sweating you know going i failed at that i know what you're saying i couldn't even finish that off wow i do feel you wow me and bobby were talking about how uh when we stay at hotels we hate when the maid comes don't come in my room don't ever come to my room and uh i didn't tell you, but I did Spider-Man at the last hotel we were at, and it must

have hit the lamp because it started smoking. What are you talking about? Where I do Spider-Man in a hotel, where I throw. Brian, people are listening. Well, we've talked about Spider-Man before. No one listens. I don't know what the fuck you're saying. I guarantee you, all these other people that are listening.

When I'm masturbating in hotels, I'm like, fuck this. I'm in this hotel, and I just throw the sperm at the wall like Spider-Man. All right. Or I throw it across the room. And it still connects to your wrist? No, no, it doesn't connect to my wrist.

And you can swing it through the room? No. But I just call it Spider-Man. That's so disrespectful. Yeah. Because some poor Mexican lady has to clean it. That's so,

I'm so mad. That's so rude. It's clear. They don't clean it. Yeah, but it dries and then flakes and then you know you don't know what it is pretty obvious but you know that they think it's either mucus or you mean or a load load yeah i can't even see where it goes and once i hit a picture frame and i was like oh i better clean it so disrespectful once you hit a picture or like a

picture on the wall yeah i could tell you Masturbate And try to enjoy yourself When I masturbate It's for maintenance Just get it over with Done Enjoy it And then moving on It's even better A towel

And she'll definitely Touch the towels The problem with Getting into masturbating Is then you like You know like Ari had that joke About like having

A bunch of windows open Trying to figure out What to jerk off to You can get weird And obsessed You can get kind of Yeah yeah You get a little caught up

In it And there's some dudes Who you You get a little caught up in it. And there's some dudes who, you know, they get so caught up in porn, it becomes like a legit addiction where, like, they'll have a conversation with someone and they just can't wait to go away to their computer real quick and just look at porn videos. I have to pay for my porn, though. Really? I can't do grainy. It has to be high def.

Oh, really? You have to be able to see the freckles. You're the last guy. The last guy buying porn. Yeah, yeah. I really am. Talk about a business that just got gutted. I know.

I mean, that used to be a multi-millionaire business. I mean, there was some billion dollar business, right? There was so many people in my neighborhood that were porn producers. They'd be driving around in Ferraris, living a good life. And I'd be like, look at this wild ass rebel just filming fucking and making a billion dollars. Yeah. It's crazy. You know, it's kind of a weird thing. You know, fucking and making a billion dollars. Yeah. It's crazy. You know, it's kind of a weird thing.

You know, he'd be like a curiosity in the community. You know, like all these mommies would look at him. That's the porn guy. That's where the porn guy lives. The porn guy. But now those guys aren't making shit. That's done. Done, son.

See ya. If you're lucky, you can get by now. And if you're lucky, you get Charlie Sheen. Well, look at these hookers. These hookers can't stop talking about Charlie Sheen. They're doing interviews. I heard someone on Stern this morning. There was fucking Good Morning America interviewed one of the girls that fucked Charlie Sheen.

Way to go, Good Morning America, you whores. Congratulations. You are now Us Magazine. And he allows you in his house. Yeah. Gives you free cocaine. Of course. You get to watch movies that haven't even come out yet on DVD.

You want to watch True Grit? Oh, that's out in the theaters. I have it. Yeah. Right? They're doing cold. You want to watch Avatar 2? I've got a rough cut.

Yeah. They even made that thing. You know what I mean? And then they disrespect him by, you know, ratting him out. Of course. Yeah. They're not his friends. Could you imagine if that was your friend?

Imagine if a dude came over your house. Forget about sex. Just a dude came over your house and had, you know, hey, we all watched fucking TV at Bobby Lee's house. He got nutty. He takes his pants off, runs. And all of a sudden this dude is on, you know, the radio on Monday and he's telling the whole story about what he did hanging out at your house when you got crazy.

But who the fuck is this guy? You're like, that guy will never hang out at my house again. Fuck this idiot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you imagine that shit? Can you imagine being that little kid from Two and a Half Men, how much tail Charlie throws his way? Hey, I got this daughter, this girl I fuck.

The kid's like 12. Shut up. And also that kid. Is he? Yeah. I think he's old now. And also that kid is so mad probably because the show could get canceled. All right.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They could all lose millions of dollars. They're trying to say all sorts of shit like, oh, it was appendix perk. He had a hernia Well they all are It's the biggest show on television And by the way this is only helping it

It's only helping it People are not going to stop Charlie Sheen is fucking for whatever reason man He's grandfathered in Charlie Sheen ain't going nowhere He could do coke all day He could bang hookers He could threaten his wife with a knife It doesn't matter he's fucking smiling on camera on monday i like how

the la police won't even do any like investigations through these alleged cocaine uh briefcase charges i was like wait a second if somebody has a briefcase of cocaine maybe you should find out what the fuck no no no no no that was ohio they would first of all first of all you it's all it's all hearsay. You can't take this hooker's word for it or porn star or whoever's saying it. First of all, there's that. And then second of all, what are you going to do? Are you going to question him about whether or not he had cocaine for real?

And he's going to say no. And then he's going to say, where's your evidence? Where's this from? And then the evidence is just some girl talking about it. Unless that girl wants to go in and talk to the government. And what does she know? She knows a guy came over with cocaine. You were doing cocaine, so you were doing something illegal, too.

Yeah, well, sort of. Does Charlie pay you to fuck? Yeah. You know that's prostitution. Can I call my lawyer? Come on, man. TMZ has this awesome article on yesterday where Charlie Sheen's old friend or publicist or something like that used to hang in his life and get in a lot of trouble with him. And then he kind of disappeared for a few years

well lately he's been hanging out with this guy again so they took up they found him the other day Charlie's been hanging out yeah Charlie's been hanging out with this guy again recently

and so they found him yesterday like walking on the street somewhere in Sunset or something and he had an Enjoy Coke shirt on and they're like huh interesting oh my god

there's also a testimony what a great actor Charlie Sheen is because what? just listen listen to my theory dude listen to my theory okay when you act Huh, interesting. Oh, my God. It's also a testimony what a great actor Charlie Sheen is. What? Just listen. Listen to my theory, dude.

Listen to my theory, okay? When you act, some actors get acting coaches, right? They get the script, right? They memorize their lines. They have to go to table reads and rehearsals. This dude just shows up, you know what I mean? Just after a two-night bender, right? Once you've been on a sitcom for that long,

it becomes very easy. News radio, the last couple seasons, was super easy. News radio, we were working three days a week. It was so easy. And we would get a script, and then we would fuck around with it for a couple of days, and then we would put it up on Friday. A sweatshop. And no one watched it.

You guys worked hard, and you guys had weird guidance, man. Yeah, we had nine Mexicans watch. Those two dudes that were running it, man, those guys had odd tastes oh it's it was the weirdest show i've ever hosted it once and that's one of the times i knew you before that though right yeah yeah i hope that's where i met brian cowan and uh i hosted it once and i remember like talking to them about my like they wanted me to do a monologue and it's just like you know so i'm like all right i'll talk about this and i'll talk about that. But it was real awkward. I was like, how the fuck did these guys get to be running some sort of a sketch show?

It was the weirdest sketch show ever. Not only that, there was no idea. People could just walk in. We're a TV show. I just had people walk and go, hey, in my hallway where my dressing room is. Hey, man, what's up? Who are you? Oh, I don't know.

I'm watching the show. How are you back here? How'd they get back Oh, I don't know. I'm watching the show. How are you back here? How'd they get back there? I don't know. There was like... No security. I don't know. I never met one security guard.

You never met a security guard? I never met a security guard. No security. No, it was on Highland in Santa Monica. You know that one? Yeah, it did sort of seem like a factory. Yeah, it was weird. It seemed weird.

It didn't seem like a regular show. Yeah, and then we would have big storms sometimes. Like Jackie Chan did it once. Like, what are you doing here? You're legitimate. You know what I mean? You're an international superstar. It went on forever, too.

Yeah. And I behaved like a fucking asshole toward the end. I pooped in Lauren Dombrowski's office floor. On her floor? Yeah. Because I was so mad at her. Why were you mad at her? Because they deceive you. Really? Lauren Dombrowski did she passed away i know i know i knew her from back

in boston when she was on a comedy team she saved my life really yeah yeah i love lauren and the shit on her floor because you love it no but as a joke it was it was as a joke and there were two actors writing in there right ike and nicole parker were writing and i go stick this um tums in your asshole just for a joke it comes okay so i stuck it in my butthole and then my butthole started foaming and then they both started laughing like really loud and then i shot the tums out of my butthole and then a piece of poop came up after that right and it was a huge laugh and then lauren poor lauren you know walks in and she sees a tums that's foaming and a piece of poop on the floor and i had to clean it up.

So stuff like that. You know what I mean? Right. Because when no one watches it and like we had free reign just to act just as crazy as. Why was it so bad? What was bad is because there's no real boss. Right. And also what happened was Fox didn't own it.

The Warner Brothers did. And it's so Warner Brothers didn't care about it. Right. Fox didn't own it. The Warner Brothers did, right? And it's so, Warner Brothers didn't care about it, right? Fox didn't care about it. Right. And we just, and no one watched it. And I don't know how it stayed on, but every year they would go,

yeah, you're going to come back. I go, really? You know what I mean? You and I used to have these conversations at the back of the comedy store where you didn't know what to do. You're like, I don't know what to do. I mean, they're giving me X amount of dollars a week.

It's a steady job, it fucking it's fucking terrible terrible you fucking hated it dude oh i hated it i mean at five in the morning you'd show up no one's there you would have this look in your face man sometimes you would have this look in your face where you just like you didn't know what to do i cried a lot you fucking hated it i cried so much on that job so at five in the morning mean when you'd show up for work five o'clock call you should have hope there's no one there no No one. Yeah, and then at 5.40, people start showing up. I go, why did you call me?

Who runs this thing? Right. You know? Call times are always brutal. Oh, I hate it. I hate when they get you an early just in case. They lie.

They lie. They lie. They're liars. They are liars. You know what I mean? You show up at five, and then you shoot at eight at night.

Right. You know what I mean? Right. Because, well, first of all, because comedians are irresponsible. You have to take that

into account. Right. You are, I am, Brian is. You're Because comedians are irresponsible You have to take that into account Right You are I am Brian is You're on porn star time Joey Diaz is the most irresponsible person I've ever met in my fucking life

Ari's fairly responsible But even him He's pretty responsible Pretty nuts Another time I got in trouble They sued me One of the actors tried to sue me Really

She shows It was her first day of work Right She finally gets on a sketch show Right And she later became Like kind of She's on Mad Men And she was on the cover of Playboy. What's her name?

Her name is Krista Flanagan. Hold on, we're going to Google this. Look it up. Playboy, put that on. Krista with a C? Yeah, C-R-I-S-T-A. One of my best friends in the whole world. She is?

Yeah, she is. How do you spell her last name? Flanagan, F-L-A-N-A-G-A-N. You guys, you have very weird friendships. Why? Because you're friends with somebody, you poop on their floor. You're friends with somebody, you get sued. But no, no.

So you said she was in Playboy? No, but yeah. But Flanagan didn't know me. So first day of work, five in the morning, she shows up. And we had rehearsals in the actor's rehearsal hall. And she's sitting on the couch. I had no idea who she was. She was eating yogurt.

Okay? So I was so early. I'm delirious. I had like 30 minutes of sleep. I walked up to her. I grabbed the back of her head and I farted in her mouth while she was eating yogurt. Okay? So I was so early. I'm delirious. I had like 30 minutes of sleep. I walked up to her. I grabbed the back of her head and I farted in her mouth while she was eating yogurt. Right? She starts crying.

Joe, she started crying. Right? So then Ron Peterson, who you know who Ron Peterson is, right? No. The guy that went out with Natasha, Ari, you know that whole thing? I don't know who it is. Oh, yeah. You know what the whole controversy with him was? I know with Ari. I know there was a controversy with him. Where Natasha left with a know that whole thing? I don't know who it is. You know the whole controversy with Ted Payne?

I know with Ari. I know there was a controversy with her. Where Natasha left with a Mad TV guy? Ron Peterson is the guy. She's very pretty. Yeah, Ron Peterson. You farted in her mouth. You're a confident man.

What made you so confident to fart in this pretty girl's face? I would fart in her mouth. So then Ron Peterson physically attacked me, Mike McDonald on the show. While you farted her? No, after that because she started crying. Right. So you farted. In her mouth.

In her mouth. With yogurt. Okay. She was eating yogurt. So she's eating. You come by. You fart in her mouth. When you grabbed her, did your butt touch her face?

No, I had my jeans on. Right. Did your jeans touch her face? But you know how it's powerful that you can go through two layers of underwear and jeans? That's what it was. You felt a strong one. Yeah, like that. You know what I mean?

A lot of push behind it. It doesn't go. It goes. Did your jeans come in contact with her skin? Yes. Really? With her lips. Oh, my God.

Right in her mouth. She started crying. And then check it out. So who attacks you? So Ron Peterson attacks me, right? What does this Ron Peterson look like? He's a Canadian comedian, actor. So he comes after you. Yeah.

And Mike McDonald puts him in a headlock. Puts Peterson in a headlock. Yeah. Is he punching you? Because he's physically attacking me. People do that to me all the time. They just want to physically assault me. I'm just one of those guys.

And then, you know. So then two days later, you know, my manager, Abby. Right. We just sit there in front front of the Mad TV lawyers And there was an awkward moment They have it on tape They go explain to me what happened So I go I showed up at work

And I'm like I see this girl I don't know her She's eating yogurt She opened her mouth I farted in her face In her mouth And then there was a 15 second awkward pause. You know what I mean?

Where people are like writing things down. You know what I mean? And then one guy just says, why? Right? And I go, I don't know. You know what I mean? Right. And they shut it off.

So then I made a deal where I bought her a $500 gift certificate to Burke Williams. Right? Gave it to her the next couple of days. And I wrote her into a popular sketch that I did. And everything was fine. We became very good friends. Damn, fart in my mouth and make a Best Buy. Wow, man.

You know, it's an unfortunate thing when people try to fuck around on sets and just have fun. You never know right before you do something sometimes if it's too far patrice o'neill had a really funny point once where patrice was talking about um imus about uh when imus got in trouble for saying something about uh black people remember that yeah yeah and he said that you can't you can't no one knows exactly what the fuck they're gonna say before they say things like that and sometimes sometimes you say things that are across the line but he's like that's but that's where all funny comes from if it misses or it hits it's still coming from the same place it's just trying to get a laugh and he's totally right that's what it is yeah it's it's like people that

aren't in the comedy business man they don't really understand that in order to be really funny you you can't really have very. In order to be really funny, you can't really have very many boundaries. And you know where we're from. The store. I have so many pictures of you naked, dude. I have pictures of you tucked, standing in the middle of the...

I've been raped there. All kinds of things have happened growing up. I have a series of pictures of you with your pants down at the comedy store from over the years. Most of them, he has his dick tucked in between comic club. I have a series of pictures of you with your pants down at the comedy store from over the years. Most of them, he has his dick tucked in between his legs and his legs pinched together and your shirt is off.

The fucking lotion in the breath. Probably on a Sunday too. Who cares, right? Probably a Tuesday. And then you show up at a corporate workplace, like a network show, and you bring that into there and they're like, no. Yeah, no, no, no. When we were on

news radio, there was a lot of chaos for a while because they would let us drink on the set. So we would be done with the show and we would get fucking hammered. We would get so hammered that no one knows this. Because I never took... I shouldn't have done this. We blamed it

on some band. We had a band that was at our studio or on the stage. I forget what the done this. We blamed it on some band. We had a band that was at our studio or on the stage. I forget what the band was. Some very heavy metal band. So it was perfect to blame it on them. Yeah, yeah. And they were in a scene with us. God, I want to say Anthrax.

Was that a band? Yeah, they were. They were, right? One dude had a shaved head. Yeah. So anyway, we were all hanging around. It was me and Dave Foley and Maura Tierney just fucking smashed, smashed. And then we're hungry.

Yeah. And Maura goes, we can only get in the craft service room. And I'm like, I can get in that room. And I fucking taekwondo'd the door. I kicked the door, smashed the door frame. Really? Yeah. One kick. I kicked open the door and the door frame, bent the fucking thing. Yeah, one kick.

I kicked open the door and went inside and we fucking chowed down, opened up the fridge, and then they were so pissed the next day they're blaming it on the band. And we were like, yeah, that's fucked up. That's terrible. Those guys were fucking, and they were going to stop drinking on the set because of it. Andy would get smashed. Oh, yeah. And Andy

would bring these shady fucking characters over. I swear. There would just be strange smells coming out of this fucking dressing room. It was just a fun, fun set, man. That's the thing. You don't get real good comedy unless you get the type of people

that don't have that many boundaries. Yeah. People that'll go out there. Yeah. People that'll pull their fucking pants down. Like, all my friends that are comics, they pull their pants down they do stupid shit

they'll say I dare you to go do this they're probably going to do it if it's funny I've seen like 9, 10 comics penises over the last week like Chris D'Elia's, Pauly's, I've seen Pauly Short's penis, I'm not even lying, 832

times over a lifetime and it's just, I didn't ask Chris D'Elia's, Pauly's. I've seen Pauly Short's penis, I'm not even lying, 832 times. Over a lifetime. You know what I mean? And it's just, I didn't ask. Chris D'Elia's penis looked like Al Magical's penis? No. D'Elia's penis, by the way, is very large. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, but people don't know. Tell that to Al Magical. Why? Was Magical's penis big? No. No, it's pretty large too, I guess. No, I don't think it is. It's impossible.

That Al Magical has a big dick? Yeah,, I guess. No, I don't think it is. It's impossible. That Al Magical has a big dick? Yeah, it's impossible. Really? I don't think so. Because he's a Hispanic. What are you talking about? Hispanics don't have little dicks. They have huge monster dicks.

Mexicans, are you blowing? No, I'm not blowing any Mexican. What are you talking about? They have big penises. They don't have small ones. But they're not the big penis people. They're not black people. But neither are Irish people. Well, Irish people are supposed to have small penises they're not the ones but they're not the black big penis people they're not like black people but it wouldn't but neither are like irish well irish people are supposed to be small penises

no they're thick penises irish curse to me the only difference between a mexican guy and asian guy except for culturally but physically i'm talking about is the eyes what yeah the eyes you you if you take a mexican guy you get him really high, he's fucking from Okinawa. You're right. But they're more, well, they are Asian, really, because what American Indians are, it's people that came down from the Bering Strait. That's right. Well, some people have a different theory that mankind started in America and they went the other way.

Hmm. You know what I mean? Well, you know, that's also possible. Human beings have been around so long, they've made a bunch of recent discoveries that have way, way, way pushed back the dates of civilization. We were talking about this on the podcast recently about Crete. It's an island that's 40 miles away from the shore, and it's been that way for over 5 million years. And they found these stone tools that may be as old as 700,000 years old.

They're at least 100,000 years old. So they know 100,000 years ago, dudes were getting on boats and traveling 40 miles. I mean, that's amazing shit. It's incredible, yeah. You know, there's a lot of shit we don't know about people, man. There's a lot of shit we don't know about people. But as far as, like, what we do know is that the people that were in Asia are the same people that were North American Indians. And then North American Indians got fucked by Spaniards, and they created Mexicans.

That's what it is. That's why some Mexicans look like Indians. They look like, you know, you could just make a fucking headdress and he'd be sitting bull, you know? And what also people don't understand is, is that, you know, Japanese and Koreans, which I'm Korean, right? We have calcazoid strains in our DNA because there's, you know, we're from Mongolia, right? And they're so close to Russia, right?

That it mixed a little bit. Sure. You know what I mean? So we have that, you know what I mean? So we have that. You know what I mean? So I'm kind of white. Well, Russia, there's a lot of parts of Russia,

like Siberia especially, where the people look very Asian. They look like Bjork. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they have a weird, you know, sort of an Inuit look to them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really interesting, that shit. Yeah, it's a trip, man. It's a trip when you step, but it's really a trip about Asians. I mean, the real trip

is the stereotype that they look exactly the same. And they don't, of course, look exactly the same. But I don't have to tell you that. But it is kind of weird that you have an entire group of people with narrow eyes and the same color skin and black hair. I mean, there's like zero variation. That's crazy that there's a billion people like that. A billion plus, really. I mean, that's crazy there's a billion people like that yeah you know a billion

plus really i mean that's really amazing when you look at the the very minute amount of variation as opposed to european countries and even african countries but let me say something to you okay it's just that okay i ran into you and eddie once at the sherman oaks galleria you guys were working out at the at the gym there okay and i was maybe was maybe a hundred feet away from you. Right. Right. And there was probably 20 other Asians in my area. Right. Right. And you from a hundred yards go, Bobby.

And I turned around. Right. Was it like that too? Like, Hey Bobby. Yeah. You yell from like a hundred yards. I talk at the gym.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it wasn't in the gym. It was outside the gym. Right. It was outside the gym. And so you recognize me from a hundred yards away amongst Asians.

So we don't look alike. Well, Bobby, I know who you are. What? That's what I'm saying. We're friends. My eyes are good. I'm healthy.

I understand that. So what I'm saying is that we do have differences. Sure, you have variations in the same theme. The same theme over and over again. The theme. Yeah, the same skin color. Look, this is not racist. There's a bunch of people right now.

This is not dedicated to you. This is dedicated to the people that will start fucking complaining Either on a message board or on Twitter I heard that shit you said about Asians It's so racist No, it's just an observation I don't find it racist To me, it's a fascinating thing

There's nothing negative about it But what's fascinating is that Especially in China and Japan There are a gigantic group of people that look very very similar and you know there's not like a lot of black influence there's not a lot of european influence the fact that they were able to stay so pure for so long is really quite shocking when you look at the history of the human race the human race has been around for you know however many hundreds and hundreds of thousands of years

that they've been so concentrated in this area that it's been you know asians breeding with asians like almost almost exclusively but that's the one that's the reason why i've only dated one asian guy in my girl in my whole life you said guy and i said girl patty i heard you say guy girl girl guy okay okay girl so girl patty she was a power a Power Ranger In the space one When they went to space Yeah She was hot right She was hot

She was beautiful So when I was in the bed with her Right You know how It's dark And your eyes get adjusted To the light a little bit The darkness

You saw yourself No I didn't see yourself I saw the guy from Heroes I saw I saw the lady from Grey's Anatomy I saw my Uncle Han I saw Kim Jong Il You know what I mean I saw I saw everybody Kim Jong Il And afteromy. I saw my Uncle Han. I saw Kim Jong-il.

You know what I mean? I saw everybody. Kim Jong-il. And after that, I said, I can't do it anymore. Wow. You can't? Yeah, so the girls that I date are always either six foot two, blonde, Scandinavian looking ones. Wow.

Or like, you know, skinny, tall Mexicans that are, you know what I mean? But it cannot be Asians. Wow. That's crazy. I knew a girl who was Chinese And she had a thing with her dad And just Asian guys Made her throw up Like she couldn't even imagine

Asian guys fucking her Yeah It was so sad Yeah Like a poor kid Yeah I'm the same way Imagine like If you're so

Just one group Just fucking Whoever was the representative Of that one group Fucked up so hard Yeah but that's You know the Asian parents Are really the worst Really? They are the worst Because they come to this country representative of that one group fucked up so hard yeah but that's you know the asian parents are

really the worst really they are the worst because they come to this country and they just assume that they're going to have their children here and that they're going to be doctors and lawyers i mean that's flat out there's like three options right so if you come home with c's you're getting a beat i got beat so hard bro really yeah just beat because i got a c on my report card now how do your parents feel now that you're you're real successful as a comedian do they accept that no but when they first did started doing stand-up they didn't talk to me for years bro whoa yeah i mean i would say like for birthdays i go happy birthday thanks dad okay bye that's it yeah wow but i understand culturally what that's about, right? And then when they saw me on The Tonight Show,

Leno, like 12 years ago I did it, right? That was the first moment where they went, oh, we fuck up. We totally fuck up. So my guy called me emotionally, and I've never seen the guy cry before. Wow. And he started crying on the phone and goes,

I should have supported you, but I didn't because i never thought you could make it you know what i mean well they made a mistake that's heavy man yeah and it was like a good bond you know what i mean that they that they you know i mean discovered that they made a mistake yeah that the whole time like me getting bad grades in school me get kicked out of school you know what i mean and all the behavioral problems you need that to be a comedian yeah

I know I don't know a single comedian that got straight A's and fucking studied all the time and had a lot of options maybe Dane Dane

they could have been good in school I think did he? yeah maybe that's his fucking problem yeah I mean that's the root of it right there

and that's why can I just my last point is the reason why that guy Cho Sung-Wi shot up Virginia Tech. Because his parents were just super suppressive. His parents always saw the kid talking to imaginary people in a park.

Now, a normal parent would go, that is a mistake. That's something wrong. But since the kid was getting good grades in school, they just go, you know what? He's getting good grades. They never address the problem that he's fucking crazy. Like my parents, I got bad grades, but I was always a good guy. Like if I saw a homeless guy, you know what I mean? I would give them a dime or whatever I had in my pocket.

You know what I mean? I was never an evil person. You know what I mean? I had a good heart. But they didn't acknowledge that part my pocket. You know what I mean? I was never an evil person. You know what I mean? I had a good heart, right? But they didn't acknowledge that part of me. You know what I mean? Of course. They only acknowledged that is he getting good grades?

What college is he going to go to, right? So as soon as the guy shot up the school, the Korean community harbored, okay, this kid. The appearance of the kid. So that's why you can't find an interview online with the parents. Like what the fuck happened, right? The Koreans harbored the parents so the media couldn't get to them. Then they shipped them to Korea. They shipped the parents to Korea?

Yeah, the Koreans don't live here anymore. Wow. They live in Korea, hiding, you know what I mean, in Pusan or something, in some village. It's kind of a fascinating thing that when someone does something fucked up, you never blame who made them. If my dog goes out and bites people, like all of a sudden, you asshole. You know, what did you do with your dog? Why is your dog so mean? How come your dog wasn't contained in your yard?

But if your kid goes out and fucking shoots people and shoots up a school, nobody like pulls you aside and go, hey, what the fuck was going on when this one was being made? Yeah, yeah. I mean, you saw Jeffrey Dahmer's parents still, you know defend yeah themselves like you can't defend that shit you can but you you can't rather but who's to say that someone can't just be broken who's to say that you can't just have normal people and this kid's just got a fucking wild screw loose period and there's nothing you can do about it but can i say something joe and i i disagree with you on this point okay because you know i met your daughters right just these well-adjusted, beautiful kids, right? I guarantee you they're not going to eat somebody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They will not eat somebody. That's a poor example because that's just a few that worked out well. We're not talking about the average person. We're talking about, like, the thing about Dahmer is a perfect example because apparently he was never abused, you know? But his parents weren't together. They weren't together, but that doesn't mean anything.

And the father, when he saw Dahmer with a dead dog, I brought home a dead animal, right? Right. To my dad. Right. I go, look, daddy, I found a cat. Right? Right.

He beat the shit out of me until I could no longer even move. Really? And I never brought home dead cats anymore. Did he make you eat it? Right. Okay, but this is a guy that was killing a bunch of things when he was really young, right? Yeah, yeah.

But he's one of the few cases that from what I've read online, maybe you know more about the case than I do, but from what I've read more online, there's no evidence that he was ever molested, never had any stories about it, and his parents were seemingly normal. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right.

I don't know. But I think a lot of it has to do with upbringing. Nurture, yes. A lot of it does. But maybe not all of it. I mean, look, if someone can be completely psychotic like that Virginia Tech struder or like many other serial killers, I mean, who knows? There might be a variety of things that can go wrong.

It might not just be nurture. It might also be nature. That might be possible. But there also, I mean, you have to admit, admit though that there is a mental deficiency right sure something going on yeah and there are medications out there right that are there medications that can give you a soul that's true you know i'm saying there's some people that are sociopaths and they literally they have no feeling for other people all they think about themselves we know a bunch of them we know a few comics that are sociopaths.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Mencia is a clear sociopath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No question about it. Yeah, yeah. No question. Yeah. You know, there's a disconnect

between, you know, these people and reality for whatever reason. And almost all of them, it's some sort of sexual abuse when they're young. Yeah. Almost all of them. Well, you know, yeah, Mencia, I guess it came out in a different way

than it was what you're saying. You know what I mean? Instead of, like, slaughtering a village. Well, it can come out a bunchcia, I guess it came out in a different way than what you're saying. You know what I mean? Instead of, like, slaughtering a village. Well, it can come out in a bunch of different ways. It can come out in drug addiction. It can come out in, you know, prostitution and girls who do porn, you know. But my view, but you know my view on Mencia, you know, that, you know, I see a side to him that no one, like you guys, don't see. Play the music.

No, no, no. I don't want music. Give me some love music. Look, I, no. I don't want music. No, no, no. Give me some. No, no, no. Give me some love music. Look, I know. You know I've always. You've known him for a long time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? So I don't see. Well, you're like the neighbor that, you know, when, well, what was Dahmer like? Well, he was a nice guy. He always said hi and. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I am the neighbor.

He was always kind to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'm the neighbor. You're the neighbor, right? Yeah, yeah. But the neighbor doesn't get it. Look, no one who's evil is evil to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'm the neighbor. You're the neighbor, right? Yeah, yeah. But the neighbor doesn't get it. Look, no one who's evil is evil to everybody.

I mean, fucking, maybe Ed Gein had a nice cat that he treated well. Right, right, right. What the fuck? I love that guy, Ed Gein. Creepy, dude.

Do you? Well, just in a sense that like, you know what I mean, inspiring these huge movies like Silence of the Lambs and... Yeah, it's a fucking scary thing because he was doing it

back when there was no other examples of it. That was just what he's supposed to be doing. It's not like this guy learned about it in movies. No, he was making clothes out of people. Right, right, right. I think making a lampshade is worse than making clothes. They found lampshades from World War II that Nazis made out of Jews.

They found one recently. It World War II. They were made out of Nazis made out of Jews. They found one recently. Oh, my God. It was preserved. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Yeah. So crazy. It's horrendous.

No one's going to buy that. How could you put that out in your living room? Sick are some people, man. Did they make clothing, too, and everything, or just lampshades? Did they have Jew bras? I think they just fucking slaughtered people and did whatever they wanted to them. Don't ever say Jew bras. Don't ever say Jew bras in front of me again.

Do you have in your house a room devoted to Kim Jong-il, like newspaper articles all over a wall and circles and private investigator photos? Do you know him? Why would I know him? Because it seems like he would be your enemy right now if I was you. Why? Because it seems like he's in everything right now.

Do you feel some kind of competition? I don't know anything about the dude. Brian has brain damage. When he was a young man, he was asleep and he lived in an apartment and for years,

carbon dioxide was blown on his head through an open event. I'm not kidding. Brian, listen. He had brain damage. Can I just say something to you? Okay.

When I was born, I saw all the shows that you saw. Right. Because I lived in America. And TV, I listened to the Beatles. You know what I mean? I smoked high with my friends on a hammock.

When did your parents come here? In the late 60s. Right? And what's crazy about my parents is they didn't even meet in Korea. They met here. Wow. Right? They met in a disco.

And they're both super Korean. They're super Korean, but yeah. Very traditionalists. I mean, not now. So now you grew up in san diego right yeah now that's where i met bobby when i met bobby bobby was bobby was a doorman do you're a doorman i was a doorman it was like 97 96 maybe yeah maybe earlier maybe earlier yeah it was uh i just moved to la i'd only been here for a little while and i was doing a

weekend at the la jolla comedy store and it was me and Jimmy Schubert and Bobby. I think Diaz was with us. I don't think so. I think Diaz was still in Seattle at the time. And we went to a strip club in San Diego, and there was these Mexican gangbangers that were like the real deal, like tattooed tears in their face. And this one dude, he had these crazy murderer eyes. And Jimmy Schubert was like, I don't know what happened.

Jimmy was trying to get a dance from one of their girlfriends or something or said something to one of their girlfriends. And so the guy got up and he got in Jimmy Schubert's face and Jimmy Schubert was trying to apologize. And Bobby Lee just got all crazy. Like, fuck these fucking pussies. Bobby Lee, like, these guys ain't shit. These guys are pussies.

And he was saying it like loud. And the guys were looking at us. And I just got up and I said, these guys ain't shit. These guys are pussies. And he was saying it loud and the guys were looking at us and I just got up and I said, I'm leaving right now. Whoever's coming with me is coming with me. I'm leaving right now. I knew. We were moments away from someone getting shot. I don't have street smarts. Oh my god. Talk about negative street smarts. These dudes

had tattoos on their face. There's certain dudes where you look at them and you go, these guys are posers. These guys were murderers. There's no question about it. We were 15 minutes away from Tijuana. This is the old days when it wasn't even hard to go back and forth. Back in the 90s, bro, you needed a driver's license.

It's all you needed. You didn't have to have a passport to go to Mexico or come back and forth. Dudes were coming back and forth all the time. Cab drivers didn't even... They could just drive back and forth. It was so easy. So there was a lot of crime and dangerous crime. It was like you would run into pockets of like extreme danger. And that's when we were involved in a pocket of extreme danger.

And there's Bob being like, fuck these guys. These guys ain't shit. Fuck you guys, you're pussies. These guys are pussies. He's like saying it loud. And I don't know if you were drunk at the time. You might have been drinking. No, no, no.

Were you sober? Yeah. I was 23. Okay. I just left the hometown Poway was where I grew up. Poway? Yeah. It's called Poway.

It's outside of San Diego? Yeah. It's like east of 30, 25 minutes east of like downtown San Diego. Right. Right. And I didn't know much. Okay. I just started doing standup.

I wanted to impress you because, you know what I mean? You're a headliner and I'd never met headliners. You know what I mean? Like he's a headliner. So I wanted to impress you because you're a headliner and I'd never met headliners. He's a headliner so I wanted to act tough. And I came across looking like a fucking asshole. Well, it's not how you came across. It was the threat that you had put us into. I apologized over the last 15 years.

Oh, it's no big deal, buddy. It's just a funny story, man. I still love you. It's just a funny story. But I just remember, this little motherfucker is going to get me killed. Yeah, and I remember that. I remember it vividly a funny story But I just remember This little motherfucker Is going to get me killed Yeah And I remember that I remember it vividly

Yeah He was so incredulous Even now We're waiting to get in the car Ah you guys are overreacting Get in the fucking car I don't know what was wrong with me Yeah yeah

I've seen murderers before I've met them Yeah I've never There's a certain tweak In a person's eye When they've already killed somebody Sounds like nonsense But Joe

I was just in South Africa I did some shows out there Yeah Three o'clock in the afternoon I walked out of my hotel room And all of a sudden I'm on the floor What?

Yeah I go Why am I on the dirt? Right? And these two black guys From South Africa Were robbing me Whoa

And I And And I don't have any smarts You know what I mean? So what Would they hit you with something? Or they throw you out of the room?

No I walked out And I just I saw these two guys kind of following me right like oh like i don't have that instinct right you know what i mean and the next thing i know they throw me onto the ground these two huge black dudes right and then like my face is in the dirt and they take my blackberry and i had some cash in the other pocket. They ran off and then Ian Bagg and I looked for two hours for them. What were you going to do? I don't know, nothing. Why would you look for them? Because I was going to buy my Blackberry off of them.

Oh, that's good. Like they're going to accept money and give you something that's worth money for your money. Fuck you. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm just telling you this happened and the thing is I just don't have any street smarts. Wow. Yeah, I just don't have that instinct.

I grew up in the suburbs. Wow. That's not just not having street smarts. That's like you haven't thought this out. And Ian Bagg was down with this plan? Yeah. What's his problem? He's from Canada.

I think me and Bobby grew up together in the same apartment. He's Canadian. Wow. That's pretty crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So that's the same kind of thing that... Africa is very tricky in the same apartment. He's Canadian. Wow, that's pretty crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the same kind of thing. Africa is very tricky, isn't it? It's crazy.

How long were you there for? A month and a half. Whoa, what were you doing there for a month and a half? I did a bunch of shows in Johannesburg, Durban, and Cape Town. That's crazy. It was crazy, bro. I did it with great comics, though. Mencia.

Not Mencia. Pablo Francisco. You keep getting them confused. I know. Pablo Francisco. You them You keep getting them confused I know Pablo Francisco You know all those Yeah yeah Gabriel Glazer

No It was Pablo Me Ian Orny Adams Wow Okay I saw a photo With you and Orny

Online somewhere That was it Yeah Yeah yeah So what was the experience like First of all What are the audiences like They're Africans

No they're just white and blacks It's amazing DM words In what way In the best audiences I've ever played in front of Really You crush

You absolutely crush bro Really Because comedy's only like 10 years old there Whoa Right and they get You turn on the TV You see two and a half men

All these shows That they get from America But they can't do it themselves No they have a couple There's a guy named Trevor Noah Who's a huge star out there. Really? Yeah.

He's a black guy. He's huge. And there's another guy named Luis. So it's new. So if you're a stand-up in South Africa, you get ad campaigns. Like just Verizon and Trevor Noah. You know what I mean? Just huge posters.

It's a market. Dude, Donham is now playing out there. Who? Jeff Donham. Like everyone's going out there now. Really? Yeah. Rogan, Joe. Pass now playing out there. Who? Jeff Donham. Like, everyone's going out there now. Really? Yeah. Rogan, Joe.

Pass. You would kill. There's plenty of places I don't get to go to in America. I got to get back to Houston. I haven't been to Chicago in a year and a half. Fucking Houston. I'm not going to fucking Africa. Yeah, but what I'm saying is that if they don't know me, you know what I mean, and they're

still coming out. Right. Well, they probably got mad TV, didn't they? No, they don't. No? No. They don't know who the fuck i am i opened bro really yeah i mean i had orny and all these guys go they know who

orny is no but the thing is is that the the producers of the show were like because asians are third class citizens there whoa we're like we're like the blacks of south africa right whoa so it's like you know like we were like riding the back of the bus like but up until 10 10 years ago really yeah they had a back of a bus for riding in the back of the bus up until 10 years ago. Really? Yeah. They had a back of a bus for Asians? I like back of the buses.

Yeah. They just, they were not, we weren't able to vote. Really? Like 15 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they view me as like, you know what I mean? Like scum of the, which is crazy. You know what I mean?

It is absolutely unfathomable. You know what I mean? Wow. So it's like, so I went up first and I could feel every show, dude, people going, oh, you know what I mean? Like just, and I just know, you know, bang, bang. You know what I mean? Right.

So you could feel that they were like judging you? Not judging me, but there was a feeling of like, what the fuck is this shit? Right? Really? Yeah. How is that not judging you? Maybe. But the thing is, I know as soon as I opened my mouth and I just said the first couple

of jokes, I had them on my side. You know what I mean? Wow. You just crush. Wow. You know what I mean? Because A, they've never really seen Asians that have an American accent that doesn't have an accent. Right.

Right? So that in itself is shocking to them. And B, me just talking like an American, which I am. And then me, C, being funny, you know what I mean, shocked them too. You know what I mean? Wow. So it's crazy, yeah. So you were there for a month and a half?

Yeah. How many shows did you do? Oh, God, a lot, bro. I did like, I don't know, 35. Holy shit. 30 to 35. Who booked that? There's a festival out there every year.

You should do it, dude. And it's 30, no, I'm not going to go in there for 35 days. Oh, you can't do it? I don't want to. I don't like going for any place. I don't even like going places For four days I like three days and done

In and out But for me it was just like You know cause I just Never been there And also you know That was It was just like a slow time man Wow

35 fucking days in Africa And did they pay you In gold coins And shrunken heads Yeah was the AIDS good No the food Did you worry about malaria Did you worry about malaria

No the money was great George Clooney got malaria Yeah dude it's like it's like being he did he did it really yeah he did oh he did dude it's like being anywhere else kind of like if you're in cape town it's like oh there's a you know a coffee shop and uh you know i mean clothing store you know starbucks are there no there's another thing called there's a there's only difference is they rob you everywhere during the day. They have no. People get robbed all the time.

Wow. One of the producers of the show said, yeah, I was on the freeway during the day. And some black guy just walked up to her door and said, I want the car. So she just got out and gave him the car. Whoa. Yeah. Pass on Africa, please. Is there a lot of flies?

No, dude. Why would you tell me to go to a place where you get robbed all the time? What's so great about it? I'm just saying, though, because I just think that you're a great comedian in stand-up. You know what I mean? I just think that there's no one like you that's ever played there and that you could clean up. I don't want to. I'm just telling you.

We could hang out with D'Antwoord, man. I love D'Antwoord. D'Antwoord's over here. They're hanging out with Jimmy Kimmel I love Antwoord Oh really Love them too I love them

Yeah I called his cell phone That's his voicemail Beep boy Beep boy Oh it is I love that Yeah yeah I love them

That's cool Yeah we went gaga on them When they first came out on the podcast But that's how I know about them Because of Because of us South Africa Oh because of being in South Africa

Are they big there And also So you found out about them Way before everybody else Yeah and also Those guys The way they look That's what a lot of the white people look like

Now how popular is D Antwerp In South Africa? Was it huge? Yeah I know But you go to a hip hop store They have hip hop stores You know what I mean? Right

There's a poster or whatever You know what I mean? And you know They have radio stations That play just regular music It's a normal place. It's just all intense. It's just new.

You know what I mean? Civilization is new. Right. You know what I mean? It is new. That's what's scary about it, man. And it borders so much wild shit. But that's how Russell Peters, he did his first theater show in South Africa.

And that's how he got, he did his first theater show in South Africa. Yeah. And that's how he got the momentum. Well, sort of, but Russell's just, first of all, you know, he has a huge following in the Asian community,

you know, Indians and Asians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just so happy that there's another comic like, you know, or a comic like him out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they just come out in massive droves to support him. The community's so strong. Yeah. But Russell sells out like that everywhere. It's not just

You know he's crazy He does two nights in a row But this is before he had that Really? Yeah yeah His first theater show Was in South Africa How far is that flight?

Isn't that like 16 hours? No it's like It's a 24 hour deal Because you do 12 to Amsterdam And then you do another 12 to South Africa God damn I know it's the worst Really?

Yeah It's the worst 24 hours in the air You feel like It feels like two weeks in the air 12 to South Africa. God damn. I know, it's the worst. Really? Yeah, it's the worst. 24 hours in the air. You feel like, it feels like two weeks in the air. Oh my God. You start sweating. You start sweating after a while, right? It must wreck your body too.

Yeah, yeah. What is 24 hour jet lag like? It tears you up. It tears you up. And you have to do business class, at least. Tell me this. What the fuck is going on on planes that make you feel so fucking bad when you land because i feel like i drink i feel like when i'm on a plane

i feel like it's like the same feeling i get when i do a show and have like three shots yeah that's what it feels like the air quality you're pretty much hot boxing you're breathing other people's insides yeah is that what it is yeah and you don't know what you know people are just filthy animals yeah you know when you sleep on a plane, you always sleep with your mouth open. Because you sit back like this, and like no matter who you look at, everyone has their mouth open. So you're just sitting there going, and sucking that in through your mouth. What is the way around that? There's no way around that.

Oh, I went to a strip club in South Africa. It was the worst place I've ever been to in my life. Really? I got a lap dance from a girl I could do you not, that looked like Dog the Bonnie Hunter. Oh, really? I could get into that. She had facial hair. You know what I mean?

Oh, my God. Yeah, her breast was like, you know what I mean, shriveled up. It was awful. And she was touching you? Yeah, she was touching me, but I'm laughing the whole time. You know what I mean? So you did it on purpose. Yeah, I just did it for fun.

You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's awful. Did you worry about getting robbed there? No, no, no. No? You just don't worry. Dude, that was happening. I got robbed the last day, like the second to the last day I was there, bro.

Wow. So it was like my, you know. So did you just let, like when the guy stole your Blackberry, did you try to get another one? It's a black, you know why? Because I know I'm leaving this God-forbidden place. You know what I mean? I'll go back to civilization. So you hate it, man.

You're trying to get me to go there. What's wrong with you? No, what I'm saying in terms of business. It's a trap. Joe, in terms of like, you know what I mean, what you would do there business-wise. Yeah. You're trying to get me to go there. What's wrong with you? No, what I'm saying in terms of business. It's a trap. Joe, in terms of like, you know what I mean, what you would do there business-wise. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's all.

To me, what's the most important thing is having fun. And 24 hours in the plane is not fun. You know, like I got a gig coming up in Australia. I'm doing some place called Rudy Hill. It's outside of Sydney. It's like the suburbs. It's like all I could get because it was like a last-minute thing. And that's because I'm doing the UFC out there. It's outside of Sydney. It's like the suburbs. It's like all I could get because it was like

a late, last minute thing. And that's because I'm doing the UFC out there. I like doing those gigs. Yeah, yeah. I'm doing the UFC. So the night before, I'll do a gig somewhere

in Australia and I've done them in England and I've done them in Ireland. I've done them all over the place. Yeah. But I'm not traveling somewhere for 24 fucking hours to do an audience.

Just to do a show. Yeah, I can do that in Burbank, man. You know what I'm saying? I can get in my car and do that. That's just too crazy. It's too much of a commitment. Yeah, but that's the only...

When you're at a point in your life where right now the only revenue you're getting is through live shows, you just kind of have to go fuck it. Yeah, but why fuck it when you just build up your audience in America, man? That's how I feel. There's nothing wrong with doing it. There's nothing wrong with traveling but with for me first of all part of his kids i have kids i can't just go somewhere for a month that would

fucking drive me crazy yeah but i wanted to see great white sharks and shit like that you know yeah that's kind of interesting i mean that was interesting about australia too seeing crocodiles and shit yeah and find out that fucking kangaroos kill more people than anything kangaroos fuck people up in australia they do yeah there's big giant kangaroos Kill more people than anything Kangaroos fuck people up in Australia They do? Yeah there's big giant kangaroos They're so cute though There's apparently two different types of kangaroos

I forget what color the big ones are But the big ones will fuck you up They're like 300 pounds and shit And they gut people They kick you with their claws And there's a toad out there That's rampant Everything's trying to kill you in Australia

That they shipped there From a different place Right Because they had Locusts or something That they wanted to get rid of So they shipped these Indigenous frogs

From South Africa But the locusts Were so high up On these leaves That the frogs Didn't eat the locusts Or whatever So they just multiplied

And they're poisonous So they just went rampant Oh shit Yeah People are so god damn smart Trying to fix ecosystems Yeah yeah It fucked that place up

How about just Spray the bugs You spray You cunts Bobby what was Eminem like What kind of What You met Eminem right

Yeah yeah yeah What was he like He's a nice guy Where'd you meet Eminem I did one I was in one of his music videos Oh really Yeah

Yeah he I got a call Saying come down now because they need you. So I came down. I did three sketches. I played Sulu. Then I played an Eskimo. Yeah, yeah.

And yeah, he's nice. I hadn't met him before. And I got to meet Dr. Dre, which is great. He has a huge black hand that just takes my little hand and it surrounds my hand. And it's so dry and it's perfect. You know what I mean? Just soft. You know what I mean? It's like Dr. Dre's hand. You know what I mean? and it's so dry and it's perfect you know what i mean just soft you know it's like dr trey's hand you know and he's so gentle like a giant gentle guy he put his hand on your back he's huge he's something happened he started lifting weights and got jacked yeah but

he's kind he kind guy yeah because i grew up with nwa i love that stuff yeah so it's like that was my ice cube once That was the fucking coolest thing ever when Ice Cube said, what's up, Joe? I'm like, get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah, is that great? Ice Cube knows my name.

It's great. It's great. It's a trip. Yeah, yeah. It's so crazy the people that, one time I was in Miami, I was in the front row,

in the front row was Gloria Estefan. Whoa, get the fuck out of here. I didn't know who she was. Holy shit. So somebody backstage before I went up there Gloria Estefan's in the audience I go, who is that?

And they go, it's Gloria Estefan She's huge I go, really? She's huge? So I went up on stage And this is what I said I'm an asshole Oh no No, I get up on stage

I go, ladies and gentlemen Gloria Estefan No And then, you know how they shine the light on her? You know what I mean? Yeah And she's blushing She's kind of waving to the audience And I'm still smiling Etoban. No. And then, you know how they shine the light on her? Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. And she's blushing.

She's kind of waving to the audience. And I'm still smiling because I don't know why I fucked up. Oh, no. Right? Etoban. And then afterwards,

she just left. So I was never able to meet her. Wow. And if you're listening, Gloria Estefan, I Googled you after that. You know what I mean?

And I know all your stuff. And I really, sorry for the disrespect maybe she thought you were doing like an asian joke though you know why she's not asian no no no that you were mispronouncing it you know like you were doing like a character no no because i don't do that oh you know what i mean so like i i just can't trust me it came out fucked up oh that's because even the audience went oh you know you could hear them but that's hilarious that's you know i mean and then one oh that's hilarious you know what I mean

and then one time because I don't know what like sports people are me neither I did this one commercial with these two old men and I was like telling one old man

to go get me a cup of coffee can you get me a cup of coffee you just got one he's like alright you know what I mean and at the end of the shoot I was left and they're like

you know who those guys were I go who Stan Mikita and Gordie Howe, who are huge hockey icons, right? So you had Gordie Howe going and getting you coffee? He did it in a, it wasn't like, I was joking, kind of. Like, can you get me one of those two? You know what I mean? It wasn't like telling him what to do.

I was not a hockey fan when I was a kid, so I didn't know. I knew Bobby Orr was like a name. I knew it was a big deal. And so I was working at the Boston Athletic Club and Bobby Orr used to come there and work out. And that's one of the first times I'd ever been around a professional athlete that had been fucked up from his sport. I did not know how bad some dudes

got jacked by their sports, but Bobby Orr had scars up and down both legs where he had some insane amount of knee surgeries, like 16 fucking knee surgeries. Something crazy. It might even be more than that. But his knees were so bad that he would play racquetball, and if the ball went to the left or to the right,

he would just lean and fall to the ground. He literally couldn't move. It was the saddest shit ever, man. Oh, that's so sad. It was the saddest shit ever, man. Oh, that's so sad. It was the saddest shit ever. And he would get, you know what a VersaClimber is? It's like a pole that's at an angle.

It's got handles for your hands and for your feet. And you go up and down, up and down with this thing. And it simulates that you're climbing something. It's called a VersaClimber. You can't do it? I used to have to put him on this thing. I used to have to help him. And what I used to do is I used to have to get behind him. And I would have to hold his waist

and he would put one foot in one of the stirrups and then you'd have to kind of lift him a little so he could get his foot into the next one because his knees didn't bend. Yeah. His knees literally didn't bend. They went from like fully extended to like one quarter. It's like John McCain's arms.

It was way worse than that. Well, John McCain seems like he can't move them past a certain point on his shoulders. He's got bad shoulders. He needs to rehab that shit. Can you rotate a cup six times? Whenever I see him, I feel bad because Asians did that to him. Did they? Yeah.

Is that what happened to him? Yeah, yeah. He was tortured for five years. Really? Yeah, they put him in straps, you know what I mean, and rope. That's what fucked up his shoulders? Yeah. Really?

Well, what do you think What do you think happened Mattress is a car bag Maybe he slid into third And Hit the bag with his hands That's really what happened They fucked up his shoulders Yeah

And when I They made me play John McCain What I'm on I'm on TV I can look it up How the fuck did you play John McCain Look it up

Put Bobby Lee John McCain That sounds silly Right they got the call I got the call They're like we want you to play John McCain I go no They go why Because people like me torture them I'm not playing him too Well Vietnamese Bobby Lee, John McCain. That sounds silly. Right. I got the call that I want you to play John McCain. I go, no. They go, why?

Because people like me torture them. I'm not playing him, too. Well, Vietnamese. It's pretty distant from Koreans, right? Well, you know what I'm saying, though. Right. If someone said, you Vietnamese, though, you'd be upset. No, I wouldn't be. You don't look Vietnamese at all.

No, I love him. Okay. It's not that you don't love him. Yeah, yeah. But you'd be like, you're an idiot. You don't know the difference between Vietnamese and Korean. There's a difference, yeah. There's a big difference.

Okay. Can I just say something? The reason why I said what I said. Which part? When you guys put, not you guys, right? When he put the video on, that said that I think that... Oh, that video.

The Vietnamese are jungle agents. Most people have no idea what we're talking about here. Well, I don't know if you read it online. Yeah, well, most people are not going to read the story about you online Bobby Lee once was playing around And said something about Vietnamese

Wow that's you as John McCain You look like Donald Trump Fuck Frank Caliendo That's what it looks like Doesn't it? Look how Bobby Lee is John McCain And it does not look like John McCain But the reason why I said that was because of Dad Fan.

You don't like Dad Fan? No, I wanted to know where my resentment why I would say something like that in the fucking first place. And it was because at that time he was way bigger than me. And I knew in my heart that I could just destroy him.

As a stand-up. And everyone was saying That bothered you then, right? Well, it bothered me then because they were saying that I could just destroy him, you know what I mean, as a stand-up. And everyone was saying, like... That bothered you then, right? Well, it bothered me then because they were saying he's the funniest Asian guy ever, right? And I'm like, I know Koi, I know Margaret Cho. You know what I mean? I know a lot of Asian comics that are very funny.

Right. Well, you know, what he had was a killer five minutes, you know? And I saw Dat Phan. I was one of the judges for Last Comic Standing. Yeah. And the fucking kid destroyed, man. I mean, he came out and destroyed. It wasn't the best material in the world, but it was like, who cares?

It's like pop comedy. That's what he was doing. But he destroyed. And then for whatever reason, it was really funny. But for whatever reason, it just never caught on after that. That was it. But the thing is that I know him on the club level, right? And I know exactly what he can do.

In terms of if you were to put Dat, me, Koi, like any of the other Asian guys up there, you know what I mean? That you would be able to see. Don't you think that that's corrosive thinking? Don't you think that that kind of thinking is detrimental as a person to you? Like when you're worried about what other people can do

and comparing yourself to them? No, no, no, no, no. I don't. Because I know what you're saying, okay? It's like, you know, Ken Jeong, you know, his success. I'm very happy for him because I've done,

I went on tour with Ken. You know what I mean? We did the Asian tour, right? He's been on 15, 16 sketches at MADtv. I know his level and he's a hard worker, nice guy, and he's a talent, okay? guy, and he's a talent. I love him.

I feel the same way about Joe Coy or Steve Byrne or any of these guys. I have no competitiveness with anybody but I just know at certain people's talent level and I just felt that he didn't deserve it. Yeah, but what do you care? This is my point.

Why worry about other people's entertainment? No, but Joe, I'm better about it now. Of course you are now. I know, but you're still sort of defending it, right? I'm not really defending it. What I asked is, do you think that behavior is corrosive? By saying you're better than that now, you're saying yes, it is negative, right? It's very negative

and it was a bad time, really bad time for me. It's tricky with comedians. We were talking about someone else earlier that gets jealous about people. it's very negative and you know it was a bad time really bad time for me it's tricky with comedians I mean we were talking about someone else earlier that gets jealous about people there's it's very tricky with comics for some reason

when comics see one person's success they somehow or another think it as being taking away something from them what is that? and for me

it's like I have accepted you know what I mean I accept what I have in front of me I love my life you know what I mean but at the time you know what I mean? I mean, I accept what I have in front of me. I love my life, you know what I mean? But at the time, you know what I mean? It was in turmoil.

Like I wasn't really, you know what I mean? I didn't know what I was doing, you know what I mean? Right. And I was going, you know, I had just gotten sober again, you know what I mean? So it was a rough time, you know what I mean? Right. Just, you know, you're just sensitive, you know what I mean? Of course.

And so, yeah, I mean, in retrospect, it was really ugly. Yeah. My point of view. That's one of those things you have to learn from now. Yeah. But you see it so much in the open mic night days. You remember when you were an open mic night guy and you were just starting out and then there would be guys that you work with that started getting work.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, everyone would hate. I would hate. I would totally hate on people that would start. I'd be like, this guy's not even good. Well, fuck him. But he's obviously good enough to get a job.

Like, you know, it's not. Him getting that job is not taking anything away from you. Yeah, but the thing that you learn over time, though, is that you realize there's so much work out there, right? That I feel like there's enough for everybody. But at the time when you're not getting jobs, you know what I mean? And you know that you're funny. Sure. It's just a difficult transition. Of course. You know what I mean? And you know that you're funny. Sure. It's just a difficult transition.

Of course. You know what I mean? That's all I'm saying. Is it because Dat Pham's Vietnamese? Does that have anything to do with it? No. No? No, no, no.

Because I know Dat from San Diego. First of all, he's a liar. Remember, like during the show, you said he'd been doing it for two years. I started with the guy. You know what I mean? In San Diego. I mean, I have photos with him. You know what I mean, from back in the 90s. So he had been doing it a long time.

Way long. You know what I mean? Living underneath a desk, all these things that he said he was claiming he was doing, you know what I mean? It's not true. To me, it was not true. And also, Marco Cho wrote him a letter because he had stolen a joke from her. What joke was that? I don't know what joke.

You know what I mean? Asian jokes is very tricky. It's like, a buddy of mine, my friend John Tobin from New York used to say this, that when you work

with a bunch of black guys, he goes, it's always if there's three comics and two guys are white and one guy's the black, the black guy's always like, yeah, man, I was supposed to be closing.

I heard that I was supposed to be closing. He goes, and last, there's two black guys and the black guy, and then they're like, yeah, I'm supposed to be closing. I heard that I was supposed to be closing. He goes, unless there's two black guys in the black guy. Then they're like, yeah, I'm supposed to open. I got to get out of here. I got to get out of here. Why?

Because they want to be able to use all the black jokes. I know. That's hilarious. That is so funny. It's so true. It is so true. Because there's so much hack shit that guys would just rely on because it would work every time. Now, you're white people looking around seeing if you could laugh at this yeah it's like jewish material every person that's

a jew has to talk about them being a jew and it's like they all do the same material like when i went on tour with uh um the four three four koreans we did the kings of comedy was me steve burn ken and kevin shay and no one wanted to close we would like kind of fight backstage like i you know i mean i'd have to close sometimes. You know what I mean? And it was very difficult. Because there's so much. It's not that we went over the material.

It's just the fact that all Asian comics have at least 10 minutes of their act about being Asian. Right. Right. The point of view might be different. Right. Or the angle. Right. But you had all those probably had the most material, right?

Yeah. You had the most material. Yeah. But now I stay. A lot of your killer is asian that do you still do that bit about the vietnamese guy hiding in the camp no i don't know that's why they want the war they can hide in they can hide in trees for three weeks you know which is a banana that wasn't it was a killer that was in that video you were talking about right right? Just before that we put up the one that you got in trouble for? Yeah, that video, yeah. Didn't you talk about it in that video?

No, I didn't. No. No. I don't blame you for the video, by the way. It was just one of those. You blame me? Well, for a couple of years, I couldn't even look at you. Why?

I'll be honest with you. I didn't say anything. Can I just say this? I just need to get this because we haven't talked about it i just want to bring it up can i bring it up sure anything okay there was a time about i don't know when two or three years that i felt that there was animosity between me and your camp what because you never felt it for me. Yes, I did. Really? For me? Yeah, I felt that... Honestly, I felt that...

Can I be... Sure. I love you. Is that I felt that there was a weirdness because of the whole... The video that had come out. No. And with Ari... You know what I mean?

Me and Ari not getting along. Look, when I called you when there was that video that you made where Mencia made you make that video. Yeah, yeah. I called you about it. I go, look... And I told you. I go, dude, I'm not mad that video. Yeah, yeah. I called you about it. And I told you. I go, dude, I'm not mad at you.

It doesn't bother you. Which was the one biggest mistake, I thought. Because if you read the feedback after that, oh, my God. I get threats. Well, you know, I understood your point of view totally. I knew you from back in the day. And I knew your relationship with him. And I knew that you knew he was sick, and you were trying to help him.

I knew. I knew the whole story. It didn't bother me at all. And for people who don't know, he just made this video saying that he never saw Carlos. But can I tell you how that came about? Okay, but let me tell these people. He made a video saying that he never saw Carlos stealing any material. And it was one of those videos that looked like one of those terrorist videos where there's a fucking gun

pointed to your head and a knife under your neck. Okay, can I, oh, so this is what happens. I'm in Canada, right? The video, right, comes on. Right.

And then Mencia calls me and I, literally six months ago I erased the message. I kept it for that long. You know what I mean? Damn it. I know, it was so,

he was so angry. I can't even. That would be so great to play on a podcast. Yeah, yeah i mean and it was damn it i know it was so he was so angry i can't even that was so great yeah yeah i erased it damn it so then what happens is like i come back from canada and i now it's the new season of mad right and lo and behold mencius mind of mencius got picked up right and it's literally attached to MADtv. Like the studios are. Right? So I'm like, and I hadn't seen Carlos since the video went out. Right? So for a couple of days, I'm like, I know how to get around.

I gotta get out of this alleyway. I'll climb the stairs. Right? And I'll sneak around the back here. You're wearing disguises. Yeah, yeah. This is how I want to get back. Right? Well, next thing you know, he grabs one of his cousins, comes to Matt TV, who's a friend of mine, brings me over.

Right. And then I had like six Mexicans just sit me down. Are you sure they were really Mexican? I don't know. They're Japanese. Yeah, yeah. They're Japanese guys. Don't Japanese people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guatemala. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, Carlos is there, Ned, and he just goes. Was he sitting in a throne? No, no, yeah. Guatemala. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, Carlos is there, Ned, and he just goes. Was he sitting in a throne? No, no, no. It was outside. And he just goes, you got to do this for me.

So he did it. You know what I mean? And then that happened. And then, you know what I mean? The weirdest part about the video, though, what sucked is that, like, you made this video that didn't even seem like you even knew the video you were talking about. Like, it almost seemed like, like whatever. I can't remember the actual words in it.

It sounded like you were talking about a video that you hadn't seen, which it was even weirder because I got, I got caught between, you know what I mean? Two camps that I, you know what I mean? I, I've always had a relationship with,

right? I mean, Joe and I have known each other for so long. I don't want to have a camp. It's not a camp. You don't mean people, human beings, not camp.

You know what I'm saying? Okay. And then, you know, Men. You know what I'm saying, okay? And then, you know, Mencia had a group, his group, right? And I felt like I was in the middle and that, you know what I mean? I felt like at a time where I had to choose, I felt like. I stayed out of it, you know what I mean? For the most part.

For the longest time, I wouldn't talk about it in radio or anything like that because people would bring it up. I'd go on tour and they're like, so, you know what I mean? And I'd be like, I don't want to talk about it. You know what I mean? As far as just like the amount of interest generated by that, that's probably one of the most controversial videos in like the history of comedy. It probably was, yeah.

It was kind of crazy when you think about it. But you know what also kind of crazy was you remember what the environment was like before anybody called him on that? Where everybody was on eggshells and you're constantly terrified of that guy walking in the room yeah it was crazy and then he was becoming successful he's becoming successful and then just yeah like i said you know i i i just don't see that part did you see the movie i am funny say that how can you say that because you do you did because it's still still shit from you man i mean i know you had issues with okay i know can i just say this though yes all right here's what it is okay like we said before okay that it is like you know one of those situations where the guy when i was an open micer right used he bought me a car it was a used car

but i didn't have a car right and then he took me on tour him and paulie shore like would rotate like one guy would take me one you know i mean who was more fun to hang out with on the road obviously paulie because he didn't make me cry you know i mean but like and also i used to get pussy you can't get pussy at a mencia show why not because they're all married and have 19 kids and you know i mean and they're like you know i i any mencia fan i you know i love you but my point is you know i mean but my point is is this. So how did he make you cry? Well, he would make me go to golf with him.

What? He plays golf and I hate golf. And I'd have to get early and bring the golf bag. You would have to bring the bags. I did it once or twice and I stopped doing it. He would tell you to carry the bags. No, no, no. One time he... Let's move over that.

He made you carry bags? One time I had to... We played Denver once and he made me sleep. He didn't give me a hotel room. This is what he wasn't doing as well. It was in the beginning and I had to sleep in Albert's closet. Get the fuck out of here. He took you on the road with him

and you didn't even get a hotel room. He wasn't selling out at the time. This was literally in 96, 95. You know what I mean? Wow. He was always like, you know, a brother in a sense. You know what I mean? You know, regardless.

He nurtured you. He didn't nurture me. Like, I think that. How did you cry? What made you cry? Just having to like get up and like, you know, there was a time where you had to sell merch. And as a young comic, you know what I mean? You don't know what to do you want to make it you know you want you appreciate the stage time and it was just so he makes you work for

him and on top of just opening up for yeah but to be honest a lot of guys do that shit dude really yeah I don't when I because I have openers now and I treat them with the only does oh yeah Paulie does all the time. You know what I mean? Didn't Pauly get you to work for free? Didn't Pauly – That's another. I cannot. You can't discuss that? No, because that's another – you know what I mean?

What is this, okay, is Mencius is one thing. But Pauly, right, he specifically made me a regular there. Like made his mom pass me right right and so there is a specific relationship no one on planet earth talks to me like paulie talks to me in what way he talks to me like i'm literally his younger brother still today and i understand it because you know i've known him for so long but in in the world in the world i'm almost 40 you know i mean i don't let anyone talk to me the way paulie talks to me so but talks to you in a disrespectful way no it's just like did like he'll say did you know i mean you should like he'll say stuff like dude you should be bigger than you are now you know i mean what about you bitch yeah but the thing is i say that No I don't say that Say what happened with you Encino man

Hey Hey I have to go to the comedy store Once in a while I don't want to hurt any bridges See what I'm saying though It's like that It's like you know

Someone talking to you like that Is not nice Yeah but Paulie also You know You know when I moved He's like a big brother though You know I lived in his house You know what I mean

You lived in his house Well he charged me rent But the thing is Is that you know And he brought me on the road So it's like I'm gonna pee really bad i'll be back in one second okay is that cool sure go ahead so joe there's gonna get his story straight it's gonna go in there no i don't have my stories what have i said about paulie no no i'm just kidding i'm just kidding we're just fucking around turn around so joe i saw a movie last night you i you already

bought it i guess it's on the way it's called enter the void and it is like somebody saw you talk about dmt and tried to write a script around it around some living in tokyo i mean well maybe they just did it huh well no they it has a lot to do with dmt yeah and i'm saying maybe they did yeah but how they describe it in the movie sounds like they're reenacting you it's it's you're gonna fucking like the movie was made for you it's really amazing and then it gets really annoying but like the first half of the movie is like wow this is fucking cool they show a dmt thing what would what it feels like to be on dmt for the first half of the movie and there gets parts where it sounds exactly like how you describe it and then whoever directed the movie which his name is uh hold on i'll tell you one second uh it's directed by gasper no he is brilliant when does it come out

on dvd it came out tuesday i just it's on netflix i probably already have it netflix streaming hd too but it is so amazing if i ever make a movie i want to make my movie look exactly like this guy wow brilliant but then it gets really annoying and there's all these like what again annoying If I ever make a movie, I want to make my movie look exactly like this guy. It's brilliant. But then it gets really annoying. And there's all these like. Why does it get annoying? Well, one of the director's things is like it does like the strobe light thing through it. It gets so bad that I feel like I'm getting hypnotized.

Like this movie was made by Google or the government. And it's like, you'll see what I mean. Like you'll sit there and like, I'm going to have a seizure. I'm having a seizure. Wait, I'm being programmed to do something. All right. Do you know that there's an Olympic logo that they had a pole because it was giving people epileptic

seizures? It was an Al Roker thing where Al Roker, I listened to it on Opie and Anthony. It was pretty fucking funny because Opie and Anthony were shitting on Al Roker because Al Roker was making fun of epileptics. He said, so if you're still watching this, if you're not flopping around on the ground,

and so he starts making fun of it, and then the next day he comes back and says, I was only making fun of the ad. I was never making fun of epileptics, which is total bullshit. When you see this, though, it's amazing that there's not fucking five warnings on the DVD before you even watch it, because it's so bad that it feels like you're being fucking brainwashed. Do you remember that dude that we had on the message board that had his wife was epileptic and she would watch certain avatars on on people's screens they'd have flashing avatars yeah what was his name jim jim yeah he's a nice guy i hung out with him he was uh marilyn manson's webmaster right really

fucking good dude yeah i hung with him and his wife and his wife has some weird condition where she uh if she sees anything flashing stro strobing, those little animated GIF files that fly. She would just tongue rolls back, eyes roll back in her head, falls onto the ground. This movie would make her pregnant. That's how bad it is. What the fuck is it with people that certain things just make your brain shut off, like flashes and strobes? I can understand that. If you see this, you'll feel sick understand that like if you see this you'll

you'll feel sick your stomach when you see parts of this movie you'll have to turn away and like look at the ground for like but is the movie good the movie is the director you'll fall in love with the director the movie is so good at the beginning and interesting and just you'll never see anything like it and the trips the visuals if you're stoned when you see it you might have a panic attack i watched it in 3d last night and i was was like, I am tripping right now. I feel like I'm on acid right now. Really? It's so good.

Then it just gets boring and confusing. All right, don't tell me about the end. Why would I want to watch it then if it gets boring? No, no. It sounds interesting. I mean, it's still, I like it, but it just kind of fades off after. It's really cool, and then it kind of just kind of does this. Well, you and I don't always agree on movies.

There's probably a few movies that you like that I didn't like. Have you seen that movie Irreversible? What? Irreversible. Irreversible. No, what's that about? It's a movie played backwards, right? And it's notorious because there's a five-minute rape scene in it in a tunnel, which, I swear

to God, the most brutal thing I've ever seen in my life. Really? And people online say it's the worst rape scene ever. You have to see it. It's so real. Is this a Japanese movie? No, it's German or some shit like that. Nice.

Yeah, they're fucked up. Human centipede. Not into that. Not into watching people get raped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched Food, Inc. the other day. Great. Fucking disturbing, man.

I watched it on the way home from West Palm Beach, Florida. And it's disturbing as shit, dude. When that lady started talking about her son dying and about her son got E. coli from a Jack in the Box burger and how he was suffering at the end, I had to shut it off. But even in the 70s, Jack in the Box had a big controversy where not only one person died, but a bunch of people died. Right. Really? Yeah, from their food. Dude, food ink is scary as fuck.

And I've had some people email me and tweet me saying that, well, it's not really that bad. This is propaganda. They're just trying to shock you. But how can they be trying to shock you if they're showing you reality? And I've had some people email me and tweet me saying that, well, it's not really that bad. This is propaganda. They're just trying to shock you. But how can they be trying to shock you if they're showing you reality? I mean, if what they're showing exists on any level, it's terrifying. When they show these cows that are caked in manure and this one cow, there was a plastic ring and his stomach was exposed. And they were reaching into his stomach. I'm like, whoa, what the fuck?

And how about chickens, man? If you didn't know, I mean, look, if you like your cheeseburgers and you like to go to Wendy's at 2 o'clock in the morning, and I do too, man, don't watch this movie. It's going to fuck with your head. But these chickens, they give these chickens steroids and antibiotics and all kinds of things, and they fuck with their genetics somehow in order to get them to grow so ridiculously big and plump that they can't walk and they die all the time they just fall

down and die not foster farms make fun of like chinese yeah they have those commercials about how they plump them up and put salts and stuff like that and just make them really fat with like salt and water and stuff and foster farms that's all their whole advertising is based on that so their advertising is based on they don't use hormones right oh okay well that's good to know man it's good to know i mean there's got to be a humane way to make food if it costs a couple bucks more it's it's worth it i don't know how much more it would cost to not have cows i'm down with eating meat okay don't get me wrong but but the way that they're doing the way they're producing meat for fast food, it's fucking crazy. It's totally beyond being humane.

It's beyond that. It's gotten to this factory consciousness-less, just feelingless place where they're just stuffing all these animals in these small areas and getting as much bang for their buck as they can. Well, they make this food like they make an iPod. Like it's a factory system, right? And there's no love or care or anything. It's just let's make the product. That's why people make fun of Chinese all the time for the things that they eat. Like if you ever go to a Chinese market, you can get anything.

Butterfly wings or, you know what I mean? Or, you know what I mean? The shoulder of a meerkat or whatever, you know what I mean? Like they'll eat anything. But the thing is is that americans eat way worse right with these cows you know i mean just tainted meat yeah you know i mean people think that well also first of all china has a billion people yeah okay and it's self-sustainable china doesn't import food from anywhere else right so that's pretty crazy yeah in and of itself they're able to feed a billion people when you feed a billion people like that you got to eat bugs okay that's pretty crazy in and of itself. They're able to feed a billion people. When you feed a billion people like that, you've got to eat bugs.

There is a restaurant in Bangkok that serves animal dick. That's all they do. And there's a six-month waiting list to get into this restaurant. What? Animal dick. In Bangkok? How do you order that? I'd whisper, can I get the dog?

There was an Anthony Bourdain show the other day where they were serving animal dick soup. Apparently it was really good. Yeah, it's supposed to get you virile Wow Yeah Really Check this out That movie you brought up

Irreversible Whatever it's called And the movie I was talking about Same director What is the fucking odds Of that shit dude Really That is insane

That's insane Wow Yeah it was a good movie This director Watch Irreversible You'll love Irreversible That's crazy But you'll stop

The five minute rape scene You'll turn it off Well that was That's crazy. But you'll stop at the five minute rape scene. You'll turn it off. Well, that was I was saying. I was so sad when I was watching this woman cry that her son died from Jack in the Box. I was like, you know, this is just bumming me the fuck out. I get it. I get it. I get the food's fucked up.

The whole situation's fucked up. I don't really need to keep going here. It's just it's like, what are you going to do, though? That's the big question. You know, the problem with us is, you know, with everybody is you're always doing something. You're busy. You're hungry. There's nothing we're going to do, though? That's the big question. The problem with us is, with everybody is, you're always doing something. You're busy. You're hungry. What are you going to do?

There's a supermarket, but you don't have time to go there. Especially on the road. Yeah, especially on the road. You know what I mean? The Waffle House is open. You're like, okay, I have to go there. Yeah, yeah. The road gets creepy as far as food choices go.

I always bring vitamins with me, and I try to eat as much salad and stuff on the road as possible. I don't understand how they don't have 24-hour restaurants in small right if everyone closes at 11 it's like you can't eat anything you have to go to the wall i've been i've been to walmart walmart's at like three in the morning just getting like fruit you know i mean like you know i mean just surviving yeah yeah it's insane food yeah yeah if you go to small towns there's no 24 hour food yeah yeah that's a tricky thing and you know you're staying at the holiday inn there's no room service either yeah yeah i've been there something we talked about a couple weeks ago came true uh when we were talking about how people's jobs are getting taken away by robots and stuff like that i was at uh el pollo loco the other day which is like a

chicken mexican chicken place and they had the order yourself kiosk up now where you sit there menu screen like taco Special instructions No Burrito And then you pay for it Like kind of like A grocery store And then

They just call out your name And give you your food So they cut out the person That takes the order And it's actually nicer It was so nice Because you know A lot of times you order

But you don't even think like Yeah I would like Extra tomatoes on this But I don't want to be How many times You've been in a fast food place And you're talking It's like who There was a girl on mad tv that

had a really funny sketch about that there was a girl on mad tv she's very pretty and she had a very funny sketch about a girl who was uh the counter out but she was always like oh bon kooki yeah that one yeah yeah angela who does that angela johnson she's very funny yeah she's very funny yeah that girl had a really funny vietnamese nail salon yeah that one too yeah doesn't that bit have like 10 million hits or something on YouTube? Yeah, she's a sellout on the road. From that bit? She's killing it.

And how many minutes does she have as an act? 22 minutes, 23 minutes. That's a circle. I'd heard that she was a middle, and she was middling and crushing and filling places, and then the headliner would go on after him. Half the people would leave. Well, Steve-O's doing that now. Really?

He's middling? No, he was in New York. He hosted, but now he's closing, but he closes with 30, which is fine. Well, what he should do is host what guys should do if they're not really bring a bunch of good comics on the road with you and host, you know, I watched Charlie Murphy, uh, develop an act from nowhere. You know, I've read Charlie two years into his, his journey, you know, and I watched him as he was trying to put together his act. Yeah. Charlie went right to headlining, man.

Yeah, I know. And it was fucking hard. I bet. Fucking unbelievable hard. Did you see that thing online of him getting booed? Oh, my God, so awful. Yeah, yeah. And it's that room.

Mm-hmm. That room is so retarded. What room is that? Oh, no. What? What? Here's what I'm saying. Black crowds?

No, no, that's not what I'm saying. What did you say? That's not exactly what I said. No no that's not what I'm saying What did you say? That's not exactly what I I didn't say that at all So what did you say? It just Those kind of rooms Are fucking hard

Difficult Retarded was the wrong word Black crowds Shock the Sundays No Black crowds do There's two kinds Once you start failing

They're not rooting for you To get back on your feet What I'm saying is Is that I go on I go on the road Right And I get black people To come to my show

And they're They're legitimate fans. And I love them dearly. That's not what I'm talking about. There's a cultural thing, you know what I mean? When you go to certain areas like South Philly or whatever, and you do a show and it's all black,

even in the lineup, and you have to perform, it's the most difficult situation ever for a guy like me well you know it's a different kind of crowd and i think the good thing about those crowds is that they don't let you be indulgent and uh they want your jokes to come quick they want to come quick yeah they don't they don't want to wait around they're also tonal right your tone you can't be monotone no you gotta you know i mean you know yeah some excitement attitude You gotta, you know what I mean? Some excitement, attitude.

That's right. You know what I mean? Or whatever. You know what I mean? Because now I'm like, I used to be more energetic. Now I just kind of talk like this because I want to be more myself. And no,

not only that, it's because, no, it's because it's pace. Right. You know, when I first started headlining, I wanted to do what I did as an opener,

which is go out and gung-ho get them You know what I mean? As a headliner And then 15 minutes in you're out You just can't do that pace for 45 minutes Well you gotta First of all it's not fun for the audience either You gotta create a show

When you go to see a movie It's not an opening gun scene that lasts for 90 minutes And then the thing shuts off You're like what the fuck did I just watch And you have peaks and valleys But in black rooms You can't do that There's no peaking

I just feel like you have to be like Earthquake And just hammer it away He's hilarious How long does Earthquake do 45 But he's like perfect. 45 sprinting uphill. Shooting all the way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's not. Throw your backpack back and lie on your grass. And then once you lose them, like in a white room, when you lose them, you think, I'll get them back. Right. There's no getting black crowds back. Wow.

I want to try it. I want to try it black. You will die. You will die up there, son. You will get barbecued. The most important thing with black rooms is economy of words, first of all, and a short attention span. You've got to hammer them with bits.

I did my black version of my set once at Flapper's in Burbank, and it actually killed. What do you mean the black version? I just do it more like he said. Instead of doing your jokes normal, I kind of be like, I went to the store the other day to get a hat. My girlfriend got the same one. He's just starting out.

He's just starting out. You know Aziz? Aziz? Aziz Anzari. It's kind of like his whatever his character is. It's kind of like that, but it worked. It worked, though. That's what I'm saying. He hears Phantom laugh still. First of all, I don't even his, whatever his character is. You know, it's kind of like that. But it worked. It worked, though.

That's what I'm saying. He hears Phantom laugh still. First of all, I don't even know where Flappers is. Flappers in Burbank. Is it good? Have you played there? Never been there. Yeah, I may never play there.

I heard it's good. It's really nice. I heard it's nice. Brand new. You'd like it. Yeah, I just, no, I just don't do well in those kind of things. What do you mean you don't do well? I don't do good in Ha Ha.

The Ha Ha Cafe? Yeah. Why not? Because I don't know what it is. It's just because I think what it is is because it's free. Oh, the audience is not paying to go there? Is that what it is? That's not what I'm saying.

What I'm saying, though, is that... You're doing this free set? No, that's not what I'm saying either. What I'm saying is that there's two types of audiences, I feel, okay? That's why I don't comp when I go on the road, because of the fact that if you comp, right, there's a general feeling of like, you know what I mean? It's not a good show. It's not a good show.

You don't expect much. Exactly. But when you have people pay, right, people are respectful. You don't have as many hecklers, you know what I mean? And I'm fine. I don't care who comes. But the thing is that ha-ha, right, not only do they not pay you, but you have to pay for your drinks. Right.

Like, can I get a Red Bull? They go, it's $3. I'm like, I'm playing it for free. Already there's a feeling of disrespect. I don't know what Flappers is like, but I just don't like that disrespect. Flappers is a real club. It's nice.

I know what you're talking about. There's some fringe clubs that are used to dealing with open micers and guys doing brainer shows. That's what it is. When you go and do a set there, they don't treat you differently. Like, well, here's a paid season. And I don't need, dude, I don't need much. All I need is this.

Can I get a drink for free? Like a bottle of water? Okay. And in town, of course, I'll do a million free shows. You know what I mean? And be respectful. Isn't it funny how places like that are just a little bit outside of the city and they're a different world? It's a different world.

It's a different world. The crowd feels different. Yeah. When you do North Hollywood, do ha-ha. You see races you've never seen before. Like, is that an Aztec Indian? You know what I mean? Or whatever.

You know what I mean? Like, I thought you guys died off or something. You know, yeah, it's weird. Where's your favorite club to work out at? Seattle. Seattle? Yeah. The Comedy Underground?

No. What place? Parlor Live. Parlor Live? Have you work out at? Seattle. Seattle? Yeah. The Comedy Underground? No. What place? Parlor Live. Parlor Live? Have you heard of it? What is that? No. Parlor Live is a new club there, and it's attached to one of the Microsoft buildings.

Yeah? Yeah, and it's a nightlife. They have pool hall, dance club, comedy club in one floor. How big is the comedy club? It's huge. It's not huge, but it's 300. Really? Right?

And it's one of those places Where I sell out Is it Seattle Yeah It's like It's a little outside of Seattle But it's like 15 minutes from the city Right

And it's called Beaumont Okay Okay And literally It's clean Like the You know The stage is nice

You know what I mean Right The green room is clean Brand new couches You know what I mean Right And it's just a nice Nice environment Right You make a lot of money You know what I mean? The green room is clean, brand new couches You know what I mean? It's just a nice, nice environment You make a lot of money

You like Seattle? And the kids, the people that are in the audience Are nerdy, they make money And they're just happy to be there You know what I mean? It's weird how parts of the country are not hit by the economy Yeah, that's one of them When I was in West Palm, they were telling me That no, we didn't are not hit by the economy and other ones are that's one of them yeah when i was in west palm they were telling me that no we didn't really get hit by the economy

i know it's crazy because it's all like retirees and old people with money and i mean i'm sure some people from west palm like fuck you we got hit yeah you know but the club was like they didn't really they really didn't suffer yeah like kansas city i went they suffered it feels like there was a suffering that's the kind of place that yeah yeah like iowa yeah yeah it's the whole thing is so strange because i don't understand the economy so i'm always like okay well i guess it's better now is it better now is it coming around it's not like my parents for the last 35 years owned their own clothing store they had owned business you know it's called the first one's called fashion gal it's a clothing store for fat ethnic women fashion girl yeah cash fashion gal fashion gal yeah and so it's

like catered to it's like lane bryant but for ethnics okay okay and they did fine over the last 30 years and as soon as the economy hit i mean they went bankrupt you know i mean i had to pay for their mortgage you know i mean and they are destitute man it is tough they live in phoenix you know it's tough for them and they had to fire their whole staff. Now they work. And they're in their 70s. Whoa. Where do they work now? At the same place.

At the store. It's called Changes now. And they do shifts. Like my mom will do the morning shift. My dad will come in. And there's literally a bottle of piss, like a jug of piss. Because they don't have any employees, right? So my dad has to piss in a jug.

Oh, my God. Right? Because he can't leave the station my dad has to piss in a jug. Oh my God. Right? Because he can't leave the station. He can't leave the store. Oh my God. And he doesn't have a bathroom there. No, it's in the mall, right? Oh my God. So it is sad. What if he has to shit? He just holds it. What? Well, unless it's a turtle head situation. He could

die. He could die. He should get a diaper. So everyone go to, what's it called again? What's the name? Changes. Everyone go to Changes. It's in Arizona. What part of Arizona? Phoenix.

Like outside of the Chandler or something. Fuck, man. Mesa, something like that. Yeah, that's a scary thing, being an old person, you know, when your body's slowly starting to fade away and you're still laboring every day. And by the way, that takes years off your life. You know, getting up before you want to, working, doing things you don't want to do all day. I told my dad, I go, Dad, you don't have to work.

How much do you need? They need $2,500, $3,000 a month to get by, maybe even less. I said, with the unemployment and social security, retire and I'll take care of the rest. You know what my dad said?

If I don't work, I die. So I go, alright, keep working If I don't work, I die. Wow. Right? So I go, all right, keep working because I don't want him to die, you know?

Good call. Yeah, but it's sad because he still got that ethnic, that Asian work ethic. Oh, man. You know what I mean? That they have to work.

That's a trippy thing, dude. That's fucking crazy, dude. Yeah, it's a very weird thing, man, dealing with people's mortality and parents. God. It's weird when you realize,

especially your parents get to a certain point in time, you probably have more information in your head about the way the world works than your parents do. Because your parents grew up in a totally different time. They weren't curious when they were young. It's a strange thing, man. Yeah, it's actually kind of sad.

It is. And it's going to be you someday, too. Maybe. You think you'll have kids? No Never? No, no, no You're going to get snipped? Go Doug Stanhope style? No

No? Just hope? No, because I masturbate so much That what comes out Is like vising drops Yeah And it's done That's it?

How many times a day Are you masturbating? I do now a couple times Sometimes two eyes Once maybe How often do you use the flashlight? I haven't used it in six months Really?

You just go Use your hands instead? Yeah. What's wrong with you? Why? Flashlight feels better. Yeah, but then I have to heat the oil. Then I have to let it cool. Then I have to put the batteries in the battery.

Speaking of sex, there's a fucking, there's a story in the news today. And apparently it's a legit story. There's a man who's suing GlaxoSmithKline, the pharmaceutical company. And he's alleging that there's a drug that they gave him to treat Parkinson's disease that turned him into a gay sex and gambling addict. At 51 years old. The 51-year-old's lawyer says their client's behavior changed radically after he was first administered a drug in 2003 for the illness, which causes tremors, blah, blah, blah. The man is a married father of two, says he has attempted suicide three times, claims he became addicted to internet gambling, losing the family savings, and stealing to feed his habit. He also became a compulsive gay sex addict and began exposing himself

on the internet and cross-dressing. This risky sexual behavior, risky sexual encounters led to him being raped, his lawyer said. His behavior stopped when he stopped

taking the drugs in 2005. By then, he had been demoted in his defense ministry job and suffering from psychological trauma resulting from his addictions. So he just went on

a gay sex gambling rampage. That's not what happened, though. No, but listen, man. You're not right. It's not true. Because I put this up on Twitter, and a bunch of people who are neuropsychologists and a bunch of different people who are qualified started sending me, I got like six or seven tweets from people who either are studying it in school or actually doctors in the field,

and they were saying that it's a dopamine agonist I think that's the word and that it does facilitate addiction and it can interrupt your natural patterns of thinking. No I agree with that but what I'm saying is that

if you have an addiction of exposing yourself and doing gay sex that's been hidden inside you for many years. So you think this was just suppressed? It's not out of the blue. What's that? I want to suck dick out of the blue. He's taking a crazy drug.

No, not out of the blue. Maybe it seemed more exciting to him. Maybe it never, like regular sex. He's 51 years old. Maybe regular sex was, God, I'm so tired of getting laid. I mean, think about another 11 years for you. You's 51 years old. Maybe regular sex was, God, I'm so tired of getting laid. I mean, think about another 11 years for you. You're 40 years old. Think about another 11 years from now.

You're like, God, I'm so tired of pussy. It's so boring. And then somebody gives you the drug. You're like, why don't you go suck some cock? And you're like, why don't I suck some cock? Why don't you dress up like a girl? Yeah. I've heard this phenomenon when people are so jaded with sex, like rock stars or whatever,

or whatever, that they get so tired of it,, or whatever that it, you know what I mean? They get so tired of it. It just turns into Dick. You know what I mean? I don't agree with that either. I think Dick was always in the, you know, in the picture.

Yeah. But I think everybody's got their own little story about how, I mean, there was a lot of bisexuality going on in the seventies, like according to many people, Mick Jagger and David Bowie, Lou Reed, all that stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I think a lot of that was like, you know, probably one crafty gay dude talked all these other dudes into, you know, it's just cool, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plus, they're all doing acid and experimenting with their consciousness. And, you know, it is like one of those lost taboos. It's like, okay, well, let's stop and look into why is gay sex such a massive taboo.

Okay, I agree with this, okay? If you're fucked up, like you're faded, you're drinking, you're almost in a blackout drunk, you know what I mean? And you're with David Boyd and you're a big rock star and David Boyd pulls out his penis, right? He's like, suck it. You know what I mean? I don't know.

Why do you have to be blacked out drunk? What I was just saying was maybe they're experimenting with different ways of looking at the world. Maybe they're being an artist and being like a rock star, being a creative person. There's a lot of people that are creative people that are willing to take weird chances and do weird things. Maybe. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. So what are you saying?

You know what I mean? I have gay people that represent me. Oh, don't go there. Stop that. I'm not racist. I have black friends. No, no. Okay.

Oh, you're right. You're right. But what I'm saying is this. I don't have anything against. I'm not racist. I have black friends. No, no. Okay. Oh, you're right. You're right. But what I'm saying is this. I don't have anything against the lifestyle. I know that. But you're convinced, though, that this wasn't because of the pills. What I'm saying is that... What's this guy's name?

Ted... Ted Haggard. Haggard, right? Just out of the blue. You know what I mean? He doesn't... He's never said out of the blue that he... He said he was gay the whole time.

He never said that. He's been doing interviews recently where blue that he was gay the whole time. He never said that. He's been doing interviews recently where he says he was bisexual. The whole time? Yeah. He said what his issue is. That's what I'm saying, though. But that's not what you're saying. No, what I'm saying is that it was always hidden.

Okay, but this guy that never had any sexual encounters. He hid it. Yeah, that's why I would think that what Bobby's saying is probably true, too. He probably had it in the back of his head. Yeah, yeah. Because of socialization, right? He saying is probably true too. Like he probably had it in the back of his head. Yeah, yeah. And because of socialization, right? He just refuses to address it. And I agree that the pill did something to open his mind up maybe.

You know what I mean? But I feel like that instinct is there. Yeah, you don't go for it. Okay, that is a possibility. But why would you want to decide one way or another without being that guy? Why would you even make a judgment call? Like, how the fuck could you know what caused this guy to do gay sex? And once you go into his past and interview him and, you know, find out, like, have you ever been attracted to guys?

Did you ever have a wrestling match where you got a boner? Yeah, yeah. Unless you don't. I mean, why even? I mean, it is possible. If attraction and all these different things are really neurochemical reactions that we have inside of our mind or inside of our brain. If we figure out a way to stimulate certain parts of the brain with – look, I mean think about what we can do as far as like antidepressants and all sorts of things that affect mood and neurochemistry. What if they can give you something that makes you attracted to the opposite sex?

What if they can give you something that you're gay and all of a sudden you like girls? Or give you something where you're heterosexual? They were trying to do that in Iraq. They were trying to come out with a bomb. The CIA was. They actually put research and development into this, a gay bomb, a bomb that they would detonate and it would be some sort of a chemical agent

that would go into the air and it would make all these soldiers become rabidly attracted to each other and they would lose morale. They would just start fucking. But I even think I'm the strongest of ecstasy. I never wanted to suck a dick. That's not ecstasy.

We're not talking about it. It doesn't seem like any drug would switch that. Ecstasy has a very specific affection reaction, but it doesn't make you sexually attracted to someone. It is possible that there could be something as strong as what ecstasy does for you in terms of affection and sensitivity and feeling for things

and a loosening of insecurities. It's very possible that something else could do it in another way that all of a sudden makes you gay. I mean, if you talk to a gay guy, like we have gay friends and not you and I together, we have gay friends. We go to the gym and go see Bobby Lee.

Hey Bobby. Go watch musicals. Um, when, you know, when, when you talk to them, they never feel like there's something wrong with them. They feel pretty fucking normal.

So what is it that separates, like, I can't say his name, but the dude who's our friend, who's the piano guy from the store. Great fucking guy. So what is the difference between him and us? Well, the only difference is that he's attracted to men. Well, where is the connection in his mind? Is it a chemical door that gets opened? Is it a chromosome thing? Is it a genetic thing?

What is it? You know? Yeah. You know, there's a theory. There's one thing. But hold on. There's a theory about homosexuality. And one of the more interesting theories was they did a study in Rome.

And what they found is that when women are promiscuous, especially like habitually promiscuous, women that constantly cheat on their men, they have a disproportionate amount of gay sons. And they believe that what it is, is a variation of the X chromosome. You know, women have double X chromosome, men have XY.

And they believe that there is a variation of the X chromosome among certain women that makes them incredibly attracted to men to the point where literally they can't even fucking control themselves. Like their number one obsession is getting new dick. They just want to get new dick all the time. And this gets transferred into their sons. And their son all of a sudden has this incredible attraction to men. Wow.

Totally makes sense. Yeah. Because haven't you met girls like that? No. You never met a girl that's just a fucking freak? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've all met girls that just seemingly this poor girl's broken and she just can't help fucking everybody. Yeah.

You know? But the only way to truly find out if this is true is for me to take that pill and I'm not going to do it. It doesn't exist. But, I mean, this drug exists. No, this drug. By the way. This one. But here's the thing.

It's one guy, okay? Yeah, yeah. How many people took it and it just cured their Parkinson's? You But here's the thing. It's one guy, okay? Yeah, yeah. How many people took it and it just cured their Parkinson's? You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying, though, Joe. No, no, no. But that doesn't mean anything. I'm sorry.

This guy is gay. No, no, no. Listen, it doesn't mean anything. Because look, how many people are addicted to peanut butter? I'm not. I just had peanut butter and I'm fine. Yeah, yeah. But if you give peanut butter to a guy who's addicted to peanut butter, he fucking dies.

His throat closes up. He can't get any air in. There's a biological variation in human beings. Yeah. And you have to take that into account what if for this guy's for whatever

weird tweak he takes this fucking drug and goes on a gay sex rampage you might be totally right he might be a freak

and he might be just a loser he lost all his money and that's why he's suing this company okay how about this how about this can I say this

how about this that's where my money is I take the pill let's say I'm that guy I take the pill I go on a gay sex get on the pill I go on a gay sex rampage, right? How about me just not taking it ever again? Well, it wasn't just that.

I'm not taking the pill again. This guy also lost all his money. Yeah, on gambling. I think that's, he hit his bottom. Don't take the pill anymore. Right. Well, you're a 12-step guy, so you understand about all that shit where people are in denial about that shit.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It's a weird thing when you're around people that are in denial about what caused their issues, right? Yeah, and there's also, I know that doing drugs and that kind of behavior isn't the root of the problem. The root of the problem is something else. Those are just symptoms. Right, but if a guy is or has been shown to be a fine, upstanding human being, I mean, I don't know this guy's history. That's the problem with having this stupid argument, or this

conversation, rather. When you lose that much money in gambling, immediately that's a red flag to me, like, okay, this guy's probably lying. But it wasn't until after he became, got on the medication, they started gambling. Apparently he didn't gamble before that. Yeah. Gamblers are often, you know, they tell the truth. I don't have

a problem with gambling, but I easily could have. I was terrified of it when I used to play pool, and I used to be around a lot of gambling addicts. I was around a lot of them, guys who were... And I see them, and I would say, this is scary shit. Whatever you do... Obviously, gambling is fun, and it becomes too much of an addiction to these people.

Whatever it is, don't do whatever the fuck they're doing. Can I tell you what happened with gambling? I was in the Fort Lauderdale Improv, and I put $5 in the machine, okay? And I pressed the book. It was a Nichols machine. It was a Hard Rock casino. Yeah, Hard Rock, right?

And all of a sudden, the thing just went crazy. Like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You know what I mean? Just crazy. I don't even know what happened. I got a combination of something, right? Then all of a sudden, like, people are surrounding me. Right.

Like, people are in the back of me. I'm like, what the fuck? Who are these people? Just other people watching. I hit a jackpot So you're worried Someone's gonna jack your jackpot No I'm just sitting there going

Oh and I got someone Turning around Like oh yeah This is great right And then the lady comes Cause it says And then I press You know cause you get a ticket

Right They go you can't get a ticket Because you know It's so much money That they're gonna have to Just give it to you right Nice The lady comes up to me

And she goes congratulations I go thank you And they go So can I just see your ID I give her the idea and she goes i can't give you the money i go why it's because your license is two months expired which is it is so i go no i want my fucking money we can't give it to you i went to the top indian chief like a council member and i argued with them. Two hours later, I'm in an office.

I go, I played the improv here. I was packed every room. They come here to gamble, right? Mine's two months expired. You can't give me a fucking, not that I need the money. How much money was it?

It was only $2,000. Okay? But the idea that I won a jackpot and they won't give me the money. That seems like it's against the law No it's an IRS thing You need a valid private license Could you have just said hold my money

I'll go get my license renew and be back tomorrow No I live in LA dude Yeah it costs you $2000 But wouldn't casinos hold your shit No I gave them my number I go work it out with their counsel They have to go back And they never called me

I couldn't get my money. And I was so fucking mad. I'm still upset about it now, kind of. Well, they had an opportunity to fuck you and they took it. That's what it is. Wow. Yeah, but that's so fucked up. It is fucked up.

That does not seem legal. Casinos aren't in the paying out business. They're in the you gambling and losing business. I know, but here's the point, though. I go there every year. They know me. Like, I go to the desk. Everyone loves me. Bobby's back you know i mean like i i know that people come to gamble at the casino right after

my shows right i feel like i've provided a service for this fucking they can't fucking you know i mean one little clause well look through it well now you understand the true nature of your relationship with them they don't give a fuck about you That's the nature Of the relationship by the way With fucking virtually Every casino and player You know

The bottom line is The player is a mark You know And that's what it is And the mark It's just like You know You let him win a little bit

You let him get a little bit Make him feel like He's got something going on You cop him a room Hey you want a nice meal Listen even though We lost some money, we had a nice meal. We went to see a show. They comped us. We went to see the fucking Lion King.

And that's what happens, man. But the bottom line is, go to these gigantic places like the Venetian or the Bellagio, these fucking huge fountains and shit. Who's paying for that? Who's paying for that? You're paying for that by losing. But what I'm saying is that if I would have won

a bigger jackpot, like $2 million,'m saying is that if I would have won A bigger jackpot like two million dollars I don't know what I would have done I would have physically Assaulted an American Indian I would litter for the rest of my life Make them cry I would have freaked out about that I would still be fighting that whole thing

I lived through it What you should start doing Is doing a bit about it On stage Yeah well yeah yeah That's a bit There's a funny bit in there There's something in there

Come on man There's a funny bit in that You know Because But I'm so angry They can take your fucking money They had no problem With you gambling

Yeah yeah So you're risking your money But you can't get a return You know what you should have done You should have got Wait did they print out A two thousand dollar ticket Or did No you know Because here's what it is Okay If you. You know what you should have done? You should have got, wait, did it print out a $2,000 ticket? No,

you know, because here's what it is, okay? If you win, you know, at a slot machine, now you get a ticket, right?

Anything other, over $1,200 that you win is considered a jackpot. Okay, so then they have to come out. So then they have to fill out IRS forms and this and that.

If I just would have made less than $800 less, then I would have been able to take my money. You know what I mean? Jesus Christ. And then, you know what I would have, I mean, I would have had a good time. I would have spent it at the casino anyway.

They would have had it in the end. Right. You know, then I would have gone to a higher machine. You know what I mean? You know, I just wanted a good time. Or put it back in the community. Yeah, something like that. I always want to say it like that.

Yeah. The community. It's fucked up. What is it about black people that they say it like that The community It's fucked up What is it about black people That they say community like that They say a lot of things Way, way, way like that Yeah, but that's a big one

Community Community Put it back in the community Yeah, they say that, yeah So What happened? So there's no way You can get this money back

This is gone You're writing it off as a loss You got to do a bit about this bro Yeah I will But the thing is Is that I called Joel How could he help you?

Well he owns the improv Right He has a relationship With the hard rock And what did they say? Joe said There's nothing I can do You know what I mean?

And I'm like But it just It doesn't make any sense Because they know me It doesn't matter They don't give a fuck about you Now at least you know What the deal is

Oh I know what the deal is now. Well, you know, it's also probably a rule that they can't circumvent. I mean, who you're talking to is probably a guy who's going by corporate bylines, and this is the rules. The person doesn't have a driver's license. I mean, even though they know you, they have to kind of assume. Like, who the fuck, you know, if you can't write down a valid driver's license in the receipt so that you can get taxed on it. It just seems like they should be able to hold it for you. Like, it seems like, yeah, you won.

You have credit, $2,000 credit. You come back here with your license. We'll give you the fucking money. But until then, we're holding it for you. It seems like that's what casinos do anyways because you go there, you're Jay-Z and stuff like that. You have almost a bank account with these people. You're Jay-Z.

Do you know what I did? You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you know what I did? I bet you can get your $2,000. No, I Googled my name. You Googled your name? In front of them.

Like an asshole. Oh, did you really? Yeah, I go, listen, I play this place. I'm a headliner, right? You Googled your name in front of them. Yeah, and there was a computer there. Look at the computer. And I Googled, right?

And it went to my Wikipedia page. Right. I went to my Wikipedia. I go, here's my picture. Here's my birthday. You know what I mean? I'm almost 40. Right. I went to my Wikipedia. I go, here's my picture. Here's my birthday. You know what I mean? I'm almost 40. Right.

You know what I mean? Because I had no idea. I don't know what else to do. Right. What did they say? We don't give a shit. They didn't care? No.

Sounds like a scam to me. And who's telling you this? Who's the person saying they don't care? Some American Indian with beads in his hair. You know what I mean? And he was upset at you? No. He was just basically just really cool about it.

And just like, I know who you are. I'm so sorry. These are the rules. Well, I guess those are the rules. Here's the rules now. You got to write a bit about it. Yeah, I'm going to. You have to.

I'm going to. It's a $2,000 bit. That makes me so fucking mad. That makes me mad. I don't need the money. It's just the principle of it. Yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean?

I did it. Yeah, but it does make sense I mean, it does make sense That they can't hook you up To me Doesn't it? Not to me No, it doesn't make sense

Because Joe I basically work for that casino Sort of You work for Joel I work for Joel But he has a relationship with them And it's not like I don't Play there every week

You know what I mean? He just sort of rents there, right? He does rent a room He rents the rooms there but you you understand what i'm saying it's like in a sense i give them business right you know i mean do you like going on the road do you dig it in some places yes some of them are like i want to kill myself for a long time you didn't go on i refuse to do it yeah because remember when we were back in uh when i was doing the store we would talk about it all the time you weren't't going on the road back then. I refused to do it. And then we were somewhere recently, like I think it was San Jose, and they would say, yeah, Bobby Lee was just here, packed the place.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, damn, Bobby Lee's on the road now. That's the only reason now I go, because when I used to go on the road before, no one would come. What changed that? I don't know. It was, well, here's what it was. I would go to a market. Now what my thing is, is I go to a market first.

And at first, they don't really know me. Or if they do, they don't know that I do stand-up, right? Right. So I do a weekend pretty much for free. They give you a guarantee, right? Right. And then the second time back, it's always better because I know that I deliver. Right.

You know what I mean? That my show is good. You know what I mean? And so the people that saw you, they come see you again. They bring more people than the radio. I love radio. When will you come back? Like if you say you do a gig, how long before you come back?

A year. A year. Yeah, yeah. And how much of your material will be new in that year? Maybe, and I'll be honest with you, not as much as maybe the next guy, but about 10, 15 minutes. 10, 15 minutes will be new in a year? Really? Yeah, because I'm not that prolific.

Really? But the thing is, here's the thing is that a lot of my stuff now is improvised. Like I have moments of just playing with the audience. Yeah, a lot of that, right? And also my thing is there's an element

of crazy in my show where I usually go in the audience and I do crazy shit. Like what? Like, you know, like if somebody will get up to go to the bathroom,

I'll chase them out of the room and follow them to the bathroom. Really? Yeah. And then I'll, yeah. While the audience is, they love it.

You know what I mean? And I'll pull my pants down and I'll be in my underwear and I'll follow them to the bathroom. Really? Yeah. While the audience is, they love it. You know what I mean? And I'll pull my pants down and I'll be in my underwear and I'll follow them into the bathroom. Have you ever gotten in trouble for pulling your pants down? Yeah, I did this one thing

where I wanted to give a guy a lap dance. So he came on stage and the music was playing and I got... Were you on Parkinson's medication? No, no, no. And I got naked

and I had a sack come out and you can tell that this guy was extremely homophobic. Really? Right? So the music's playing and I jump on top of him. Oh, Jesus. By the way, sitting on the stool. And he literally picked my body and threw me to the ground.

Wow. You know what I mean? And I hit the ground on my back. Right. And I got knock unconscious for like a split second. You know, you hear little like little stars Did you hit your head? No, but I heard So what hit that made you see stars like that?

I hit my back and my head, maybe a little bit Maybe your head a little? Yeah, but I also took the wind out of my body Right, you got jacked Yeah, I got jacked and I jumped on top of him again You jumped on him again? Yeah, because nothing He just took it

Because the thing got a laugh When he threw me off of me It got a laugh It got a laugh So he enjoyed it And I stood back out And I looked in his eyes Right

And he kind of went He kind of liked the laugh Right right right So I did it again Right Because he got addicted to the laugh Right Because at first it was hatred

Right Like get off me gook You know kind of thing Whoa That's what he said You know what I mean That's what he said But in the eyes I could tell That there was a thing Get off me gook You know kind of thing Whoa That's what he said You know what I mean That's what he said But in the eyes

I can tell that Get off me gook So then when I fell down We connected I'm like okay I can do it again Wow Like a sense

Right A sense That's the worst thing That's a weird thing right When you're ad-libbing with someone You don't know exactly Where this is gonna go That's exciting

You know It's fun right Yeah yeah It's exciting Well it's also too You and I both came up In the store And the store I mean we've talked about this so many times in the podcast the store for all its

terrible qualities the best thing about it is the fact that no one was paying attention ever there's no crowd control there's no one that's great the comics are forced to take care of audiences themselves and sometimes you just deal with incredibly hostile audiences yeah yeah there's i've never worked At a club Consistently Where there's more Insane shit happening And people say Like I hear other comics go

Yeah this room is tough I go You don't know nothing You don't even know What you're talking about Yeah yeah Yeah they don't even know If they have worked

At the store Like there's so many people That go yeah That place is evil I don't do this store The store is evil It is Yes it is

But guess what I wouldn't even say evil There's some There's a quality of evil to it. I think that quality is because of the fact that it's C-Row's nightclub. The fact that it was Bugsy Siegel's place. You can't get past the fact that people were murdered in that place. Yeah, but it also has to do with the color of the building.

I really believe. You know how they say you can't paint your walls in your bedroom blood red because psychologically it's not good for you. Do you know that? It makes you angry. It makes you angry. It makes you angry. Like silver, too. I try to paint my room silver once, and they go, it's not,

because you'll feel like you're trapped in it. You know what I mean? Spaceship. I feel like black, you know, like in a cage. Black, I don't know what it does. I was thinking of painting these walls black. No, don't. Do you think it'd be okay for a podcast?

I would never paint the walls black. See, this is the color of what walls, but these are neutral colors. Yeah. These are nice. It's relaxing. It's calming. I feel very good right now. Do you feel good? Yeah, I feel like this is the color of... is, but these are neutral colors. Yeah. These are nice. It's relaxing. It's calming. I feel very good right now.

Do you feel good? Yeah, I feel like this is the color of... I'm going to leave it here just for you, bro. Like coffee. It took so long to get you on the podcast.

I'm going to leave these things. And the reason why that was the case, right? Oh, no, no, no. I know. It was because there was things going on. Right.

Dude, it's just... I'm as flaky as the next guy. But the store... Why don't you come back? Come back where? The store. Oh, never. Never.

I can't. Why? Because I like the improv better. And there store, why don't you come back? Come back where? The store. Oh, never, never. I can't. Why? Because I like the improv better and there's no negativity there. The improv, everyone's super courteous. The staff there are so friendly

and thankful and kind. For years, you dealt with it at the store, them pretending that the store was the star and you were lucky to work there.

You were lucky to help out. No matter what you did, you could never do enough. There was an energy when you were there. I bring it everywhere else. I know, but I'm saying that I'm because I used to either go up before

or after you in the studio. It was hard to go up after you, but sometimes they would put me up after you. But there was still an energy in the OR, I swear to God, that's different than it is now. Not that we don't get an audience, but it's a different kind of vibe. I was bringing my specific thoughts on comedy, my specific thoughts on life. Let's have fun.

Let's not take things so fucking seriously. Let's look at all this shit, but let's be nice to each other and let's have a good fucking time. That's one of the reasons why whenever anything crazy would happen at the store, I would always make it a big point to buy everyone in the audience a drink. Remember when I Kicked somebody out Yeah yeah yeah I did that Like a dozen times

Yeah yeah yeah I would kick people out And then I would spend Thousands of dollars Buying 300 people drinks You know Yeah yeah yeah But that's

Why did you Leave in the first place Because it's not It's not Mitzi Schur's club anymore See the whole thing That happened was When the Mencia shit went down I called Mitzi Who's the owner of the club and mitzi and i've had a relationship way

back to 1994 when i first met her when i first came to hollywood and to me she was the you know the queen of comedy man it's the comedy store was mecca to me to me it was more important and this is not bullshit to get passed as a paid regular at the store than it was the fact that i was on a sitcom in in california yeah i was on a sitcom and I was like, acting sucks. You know, it's a lot of money. I was making all this money, but I'm like, I'm a fucking paid regular at the store. Like, holy shit. I couldn't believe I was there.

I mean, this is where Richard Pryor had started out and David Letterman was there and Kennison was there and all these hicks had worked there for a while. So to me, it was like all this history. So I mean, not only had I worked there for free For all those years where I was on Fear Factor They put my name up on the marquee It would say Fear Factor's Joe Rogan Packed the place

We would promote it on MySpace And to me it was just It was a workout room I would get to fuck around and stay sharp Do a long set each Friday and Saturday night So when I would go on the road I always had material I could still do specials

And still do Fear Factor at the same time so it was a perfect situation for me and I could help the store I worked for free and as a matter of fact even money that they owed me from years ago I paid it back in the form of a tax free donation and then I paid for the whole sound system in the place I took out the speakers I put in

a CDR burner and a fucking DAT player and new microphones and new cords. The whole deal, right? And then when this whole thing happened with Mencia, which they knew for the longest time what he was doing. Everybody knew what he was doing. But they were making money off of it, so they turned a blind eye towards comedy. And what I've always said was that if you're in the business, if you're an agent or if you're a manager or if you're a club owner, you're selling art.

That's what you're a manager or if you're a club owner, you're selling art. That's what you're doing. Yeah. And when you got one person who's stealing the art of the people that you're selling and then selling it again. Yeah. That's what he's doing. It's like he's cannibalizing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to put a foot down and stop that. Yeah. And if you don't, if you say crazy shit like, well, you know, it's business and he's making a lot of money. Well, then you clearly are not on the side of the art form that you actually make your living selling.

Right. So when all this shit went down, I calledzi up and i to let her know that you know brian made this crazy fucking video and it's about to go out and it's it's ugly and i told her i go the guy's a problem we've had problems with him for years and we're gonna put this video out she goes okay well just keep away from them just don't don't get crazy i go man see i'm never gonna hurt him i go i'm not gonna do anything okay, do you want to go up tonight? I go, yeah She goes, what time? I go, whenever you want to put me up She goes, okay, 10 o'clock

All right, thank you, Mitzi, I love you I love you too That was the last word I ever spoke to her, okay? I get off the phone with her Tommy calls me an hour later and tells me I'm banned Why? So I go, what are you talking about? I go, I just talked to Mitzi

And this stuttering cocksucker. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Mitzi's confused. Mitzi doesn't know the facts. So to me, it was very clear that there was like some situation where Mitzi was no longer making the decisions. It was no longer her club. So there was some other people, whoever the fuck they are.

Tommy was at the mouthpiece Of whoever the fuck was making the decision And clearly they had made a decision To go and have Mencia headline that weekend And make a big deal out of it And he was on the radio It was like for him to try to save face And then have me banned

And so I said I'm never coming back I'll tell you this right now This is it I'm never coming back And so that was years ago And I've never come back But it was the best thing for me because after I left there

and then I started working out at the improv, I'm like, God, it's so friendly here. The vibe is so much better. Everyone's happy there. The managers are happy.

The comics are all, it's like there's a cool bar area where everybody hangs out. And then I started doing sows and more recently and just, you know what, man,

I just realized that there's comedy clubs out there that appreciate comics. Yeah. And that's, those are the only people that you should hang out with. I'm thankful for my time

at the store. I learned a lot there. I learned a lot about, you know, hecklers and dealing bullshit and I learned a lot about, I just learned a lot about the business

from this whole thing that happened. Yeah. From getting fucked over. Yeah. So for me, it was the best thing. Well, let me tell you something.

It's Tommy didn't go to anybody, by the way. You think it was all him? Yeah. Yeah. I mean me, it was, it was the best thing. Well, let me tell you something. Tommy didn't go to anybody, by the way. I think it was all him. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, Tommy and I,

whatever. I mean, I, I'm a regular there. I get spots anytime I want to. And Tommy's a friend. I've never called them off the job. I call him for spots.

You know what I mean? But I know that he makes decisions. I'm sure he does, but not that one. I don't believe that. You know, I don't, I don't believe that. You know, I don't believe that he... Or this happened.

He went to Mitzi and he... He didn't go to Mitzi. He didn't talk to her at all. I know for a fact. Because when he talked to somebody else, whoever the fuck it was, whether it's Paulie or Peter

or whoever the fuck is right... Maybe Peter. Whoever the fuck it is. It might have been Peter. I don't know who it is. I have no idea. I don't know. I didn't ask.

I didn't care. And then ever since then, have they called you? No. Oh, he sent me one ridiculous letter. I saved it. It's hilarious. The most one-sided fucking letter ever talking about, you know, don't destroy the store,

build it up. And like, you cunts. I worked there for free for fucking years. And then they would always say like, everybody works for free. Not that. Everybody doesn't do what I did. Everybody doesn't put their name in the marquee and pump it up on MySpace. Let me tell you.

La Jolla. I'm going to tell you about La Jolla. You know I started in that room, right? I go there six years ago. I haven't played there in six years. Right. Okay? Six years ago, I call them, the La Jolla.

I go, can I go up? Because I'm going to go down and visit a friend. Right. They're like, yeah, sure. So I drive down there. I show up at the club and the manager goes, you can't go up. In La Jolla. And I go, why?

He goes, well, it's an all-girls show. And they're from LA. And they don't want to put you up. I go, who is it? They go, Lisa Sunstead. People I've never even heard of. Right. Right?

So I just drove down here. They said I could go up. I'm from this club. I fucking built that stage, literally. Me and Freddy Soto, when they gutted the plays. You hammered and nailed it. Yeah, we hammered and nailed and shit like that. So fuck you.

I'm going up. You're not going up. I go, I'll go up last. Right. No. I go, I'm up. I hammered and nailed it. Yeah, we hammered and nailed and shit like that. So fuck you. I'm going up. You're not going up. I'll go up last. No. I go, I'm up. I'll never play her again. Good for you. He goes, fine.

I haven't played it since. Wow. You know, man, that's a totally different situation and I totally see your side of it. I totally do. And the girls, if they really wanted to do their show

and then have you go on last, have you go on afterwards? That's what I ask. I go, oh, wait. I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Some people don't like that, though. They think that you're going to show them up.

Show them up. There was 40 people there, Joe. It doesn't matter. If it was sold out, you know what I mean? It doesn't matter to them. Those 40 people are there to see them. And if they do mediocre, they know you're going to crush. And you go on after them.

Let me tell you something, dude. It's like I'm from that room right right and i started when were fred burns sure yeah back when fred was running it what's did fred die he died what happened um you know he you know he had spinal bifida yeah and his parents were still alive and they took him on a cruise like a cruise to go to the Bahamas. I don't know where they went, right? And they told Fred one night, they go, Fred,

we'll meet you down here at eight for breakfast. And Fred Burns goes, all right, you know. And he never showed up to breakfast and they opened up his room and he was dead. Wow.

Just failure. Yeah, failure. Heart failure, body failure, whatever it was. It was awful. He was an interesting guy. He got fired, right, for something. Yeah, failure. Heart failure, body failure, whatever it was. It was awful. He was an interesting guy. He got fired, right, for something. No, nothing.

Nothing? But the family's crazy, man. I mean, look, I got no ill feelings for the store. I think it's one of the most interesting clubs in the country. And I think I learned a lot doing stand-up there. But the whole point of the whole situation, the whole point of the whole Mencia altercation was supposedly to create a better environment to stop someone who was victimizing other comedians. And when the club supports that, you can't support the club anymore. If the club supports that, it wasn't a gray area.

Everybody knew what was going on. Everybody complained for years and years. So that decision, the decision they made was like the worst possible decision. So there's no way I could go back there. Yeah. I mean, it just sucks the fact that like, you know, like Bill Burr will show up and if Mencia is there, he won't go up. Yeah.

I mean, those little things, you know what I mean? That could fuck up. I, you know, I love the store. You know, it's like home. You could go up right in front of Mencia now. It doesn't matter now. He's toothless. Now he's just, he's got no claws.

It's all over. Did you see the I Am comic, what he said in that movie? No. You've got to see that. That will open your mind or open your eyes. It's pumped up. Listen, I just did a benefit with him a month ago. You know what I mean?

For the police force. Right. You know what I mean? And all the longest I've known Carlos, he's never did drugs or drank. That was a big thing. I don't need it. You know what I mean? And, you know, all the longest I've known Carlos, he's never did drugs or drank. That was a big thing. I don't need it. You know what I mean?

Right. Natural high. Right. And now it's like, you know, he's smoking pot. You know what I mean? That'll probably help him. Yeah, I think it'll help him.

Maybe. But he's also drinking. He's also drinking. Yeah, he's also drinking. He's just, I can just tell he's sad. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Well, it's karma man You can't victimize people And as a friend you watch it I always try to play Call of Duty with him on Xbox Because I feel bad I always send him a friend You feel bad so you want to kill him? Yeah

Listen man The positive aspects of working at the store were so true. I mean, I know what you say. I just think you should just do it one night or something. No, I can't do it. Please. It'll never be the same again. How do you know?

Because it'll never be what it used to be. What it used to be was a lot of fun. It used to be we, look, there was a long time where I was at the store where the store felt like it did not have the environment that I envisioned. I always envisioned it being, like I said, comedy mecca. I always envisioned there was all these great comics are going to perform there and it's this great environment and then for a long time when i was there in like the early 90s you know it wasn't like that it was shit i say i'm gonna tell you defend it in a sense okay since you left it has changed okay in this sense okay we're getting a lot more new york guys on the list right all right

so you have bill burr dav Davidoff, all these New York guys that have moved here. Sarah Silverman was there. The lineups, like the other night, who was it? Rock and Chappelle, did they go up? But they showed up. It's a different New York vibe. And what I'm saying is this, from two years ago that you were there,

Carlos never goes there. It's not Carlos, man. It's the people who run the club. Whoever's running the club Is the same people running the club I know Tommy said some stupid shit to Brian Just the other day when he went there And he called me a fag

Tommy's retarded He's a ding dong I know I know That dude was always gonna be what he is You know I know It's not What a comedy store is

Is an idea Okay The idea is That there's this Mecca of comedy where everybody's hanging out. Yeah. Crazy. Be like that back porch area. Yeah.

The back parking lot. How much fucking fun did we have back there? So much craziness and hilarity. The greatest moments of my life have been back there. Hilarious moments. Yeah, yeah. Just always, everybody was doing something funny. Joey Diaz has got his fucking pants down.

Yeah, it was crazy. There's always something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just chaos. And then there's always crazy people coming back there and his fucking pants down. Yeah, it was crazy. There's always something. It's just chaos. And then there's always crazy people coming back there and hanging out with us. And you don't even know who the fuck they are. And who's this guy? This guy's nuts. And he thinks he's an angel.

And this chick's a hooker. Yeah, the guy dressed up as Jesus that hangs out there. A guy named Jesus. Yeah, the guy with the cross that walks down Sunset with his fucking cross. And there was a guy that looked like Colonel Sanders. Have you seen that guy? Yeah, that guy. He dresses like Colonel Sanders.

Yeah. And Jesus and him together Are always the best combo And they're getting An argument You're like What are they fighting about The Lord of Chicken

Who's crazier Yeah yeah yeah That place is awesome You know But the idea Of what the comedy store is You bring that everywhere With you man

I bring that everywhere On the road I bring that everywhere Where I do stand up Sal's is a perfect example What is Sal's Sal's Comedy Hole Is this new place

That opened up on Melrose It's a guy from New York. He had a place on La Brea for a while, but they had a liquor license issue, and now he reopened a new place. Fucking guy is great. He's got open mics almost every night. Every night. Super supportive of comedians.

Just wants people to come down. He's always trying to feed you, give you drinks, and he's super consistently nice. Oh, really? He's perfect. Just a nice guy who loves comedy, and he's running. He's trying to make a good comedy club. Okay. And because of that, comics are flocking to this place. drinks and he's super consistently nice oh really nice guy who loves comedy and he's running he's trying to make a good comedy club okay and because of that comics are flocking to this place diaz does it all the time ari does it brian does it all the time tonight his show will have at least

50 60 comics wanting to go up at their eight o'clock show tonight really do i have to showcase to become a regular you don't have to do anything and he'll just hook you up man you go up and he'll give you a door deal you can pack the place yeah it's super sweet that's what i like to need a new room maybe yeah when you go to the improv and you go to places like south you realize okay well there's places that don't have this crazy attitude that the the place is the star you know like tommy always had this attitude that the store is the star and so did, remember, who's the guy who fucking,

who used to run it, Scott Day. You remember Scott Day? I love Scott Day, yeah. Yeah, and Duncan was the, people don't realize this, Duncan Trussell, our boy,

was the talent manager for the store for the longest time and he had to quit because he didn't want to be on Pauly Shore's reality show. Yeah, yeah,

I remember that. They wanted to put him on the reality show and I remember that. I was so fucking, I was like, I'd rather be broke. What the improv

doesn't have though that the store has is that wild west yeah you're right you know what i mean and that create no because it's like you can't go over the light you know what i mean there's rules and this and that so you can't run across the place in my underwear if i want to right you know what i mean right but at the store there's always still that vibe of like anything can happen you know right so you miss that, yes, I do miss that. But that's everywhere that Joey Diaz is. When you bring Joey Diaz, that vibe comes with us on the road. So what I'm doing this weekend, by the way,

Mandalay Bay Theater, it's almost sold out. So if you're going to get tickets, jump on that shit now. There's not that much left. I'm talking about Houston. It's Friday, we will, totally. It's Friday night, February 4th, which is the night before the UFC

And it's at Mandalay Bay Which is where the UFC is So it's going to be fucking crazy If you want tickets you've got to jump on it now And it's Joey Diaz and Ari Shaffir So it's the full Death Squad roster And Bobby Lee is going to be at the Houston Improv That weekend too

The same weekend February 4th and 5th and 6th Sunday too Is it this weekend This weekend coming up No the next weekend after that Oh next weekend So what is that 11th

Something like that yeah 7th Let's find out exactly So people don't get crazy Yeah We don't want to I came to see your show And you were not there Bobby Lee

You were my favorite Sorry You're a droid Did you just turn it on Yeah just me sorry Is uh Are you happy with the droid? Are you happy with that purchase? Check out this new camera.

The 11th, 12th, and 13th Bobby Lee's. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday? And Valentine's, which is Monday. Oh, bam! You're doing Valentine's Day in Houston, which by the way I love Houston. I'm coming back. I fucking swear to God. I know I haven't been there in forever. We're trying to work out a deal. The problem was I don't

want to do any shows where people have to stand up. And I was doing the House of Blues. And the House of Blues, they wanted, I think it's like 600 people standing and 600 people seated. No, you don't do that. And I'm like, that's crazy. I did that in Vegas. I've done it in Vegas a bunch of times. And the problem, it becomes the bar just becomes filled with people talking.

There's way too many people there. And everyone's drunk. And no one knows how to fucking whisper, and it becomes chaos. And so I went to see one of Doug Stanhope's shows where I had to stand, and I was like, no more standing. Because I watched as an audience member. I'm like, this isn't fun. It hurts your feet.

You have to wear your back so you can't get up and shit. So I had a bunch of deals where I was supposed to do the Houston area, but every time we ran into this fucking standing roadblock. At theaters we ran into it. So I'm just going to go to the comedy club. So the improv, we're working it out. We're going to figure that shit out. Anyway, one more time. Friday night, February 4th,

Mandalay Bay Theater, me, Joey Diaz, and Ari Shafir. The next weekend, the 11th, 12th, and the 13th, and Valentine's Day, Bobby Lee will be at the... The Houston Improv is a very nice club, too. I haven't been there. It's 13th, and Valentine's Day, Bobby Lee will be at the Houston Improv. It's a very nice club, too. It's brand new now. It's sweet, right?

Yeah, they just redid it. Yeah, they redid it, yeah. Shakalaka, motherfucker. So that's the deal. And then the weekend after that, I'm at the Brea Improv. That's the 18th, 19th, and 20th. And we're going to get Brian really high and make him go on stage every night so big that he forgets his material. That's one of my favorite new things to do you're gonna trial by fire son you did good this weekend he did real good this weekend seven minutes you probably fucking killed for four you

got a solid four minutes of bits in there you're doing all right kid you're fucking out there hustling no he just goes up does a guest spot throws he's fucking getting tossed to the lions so that's the uh 18th 19th and 20 20th is the Brea Improv of February. And then the weekend after that, I'm in. You can go to JoeRogan.net and read all this shit yourself, bitches. This Thursday, I'm trying to get Ari and Joey. I'm not sure if I can. If not, maybe Brian Callen or someone else.

But there will definitely be a show on Thursday. We're figuring out who the fuck is going to do it. But Friday night is the show, so it would be nice. And then Thursday night, Ari has a show on thursday we're figuring out who the fuck's gonna do it um but friday night is the show so it'd be nice we can and then thursday night ari has a show that i'm gonna be on as well at the improv that's his storyteller show yeah so that's it it's a great show bobby lee thank you very much so much podcast you're the fucking shit you've been my friend for many many years and i love you it's totally fine happy you're here great thank you to the fleshlight go to joerogan.net. Click on the link. Enter in the code name

ROGAN and you get 15% off your masturbatory utensil. All right, bitches. You know I love you. I'll see you in a couple days. All right. Thanks for all the support.

For everything. For everything, you motherfuckers. Make life a dream. Bye.