The Joe Rogan Experience - #798 - Alison Rosen

Episode Date: May 11, 2016

Alison Rosen is a podcaster, writer, and television personality. She also hosts her own podcast called "Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend" available on Spotify.

Do-do-do, do-do-do-do, Allison Rosen! Joe Rogan! We made it happen! Finally! It's going down! Years in the making, here I am. I know, it's one of those things where we talked about it like 30 times. I know.

Well, thank you so much for having me. It's my birthday, no less. Oh, shit. Happy birthday. Thank you! You're 21 now, right? That's right, finally. I'm gonna have my first drink.

Wow, legal. I've got so much to exp- right, Finally, I'm going to have my first drink. Wow, legal. I've got so much to explain. Well, I've been drinking for years illegally. Come on. You shouldn't admit that. How old are you for real? Are you allowed to say? Are you one of those people?

No, it's obscene. It's obscene how old I've become. How old are you? 41. Whoa, that's not obscene. I'm 48. Really? Yes, that's obscene.

I'm almost 49. I'm almost 50. I'm 48. Really? Yes, that's obscene. I'm almost 49. I'm almost 50. Happy almost birthday. Yeah, I'll be 50 in a couple months and a year. Whoa. How do you feel about that? Sexy as fuck. I feel great.

I feel like you're making almost 50 look good. I also feel like there's a hair stuck to my lip. So for anyone who's watching and if there's like a fuzz ball on my face, I'm sorry. It's just a 41-year-old thing. I don't think we have – our HD is not that strong. Oh, really? I don't think it is. I should have just left it there then.

Whatever it is, the lint that I've collected since arriving deep in the valley. One thing I do realize, though, as I get older is like maintaining health is like an effort. Yeah. You have to be a lot more aware of making sure you eat the right stuff, making sure you, you know, make sure you exercise on a regular basis. Don't get out of shape because you get out of shape. It's way harder to get back in. Right. Now, did you are such a healthy guy. Did you ever go through a phase when you were younger of being unhealthy? Did you ever go through a phase when you were younger of being unhealthy?

Not really. No, I never went through like a binge drinking or fat phase. I mean, I've gotten overweight slightly before, but even then I'd look at myself. I'm like, you fucking disgusting slob. Like, get it together. I just, it's, you know, there's two schools of thought on it. One school of thought is that if you spend too much time on your body, that you're vain and it's a frivolous pursuit because you're going to die anyway and it's all pointless. But I feel like that's kind of a cop out because I think that you only have this one meat vehicle to get you through this life. And if it was a car, you'd maintain it.

If you have a nice car, what do you do? You take care of the oil. You get it serviced. You deal with all the stuff that makes it run nice. Right. And I think that you've got to do that with your body. At least for me. I have to do that with my body.

If I don't, I don't feel, I feel like I'm slacking off in a way that's lazy and irresponsible and stupid. I just see too many people with health consequences because they don't take care of their bodies. I think it depends. I think if you're saying it's self-absorbed and it's vain and it's shallow to care about your body, and if you're saying that as an excuse to allow yourself to not get into shape, then I think that you're not really facing what's going on.

And that thing where you're like, oh, it's just shallow, you're not really addressing what the actual resistance is. I don't know. I think for me, I got into a phase where I was going to a personal trainer and I got really into it. And for the first time, all this stuff that I'd heard my whole life about how sport, because I'm not a sports person, so about how sports can affect the rest of your life, I never understood that.

I never understood the mental part of it. But for that time, and I'm not really in that place anymore, but for the time that I was super into it, I felt better. I definitely did. And I felt like I can put in effort in the gym and it's the effects, not in terms of what you see on my body, but how I feel are immediate. And, uh, and also that thing of like, this is a challenge for me, but I'm going to dig deep and I'm going to do it. And I, it little goals for myself almost every day that I could overcome.

And that was kind of insane, that feeling, how good I felt when I did something that I didn't think I could do. And it was happening multiple times a week. I just think it's almost, I mean, it's not overlooked with a lot of people, but with some people it is overlooked. And I think it's unfortunate because it's thought of as like a vain pursuit or pursuit of vanity. And it really restructures the way your brain functions. When you regularly exercise and your body pumps out all those endorphins and you release all that stress and your body sweats and it just feels like it's flowing better.

Like everything's going. Like your decisions are better. The way you feel about things is better. You leave the going, like your, your decisions are better. The way you feel about things is better. You leave the gym, you have a smile on your face. You're like, you're driving your car. The sun feels better. Right. Well, and that thing where it's like, I did something healthy for me today. Can I ask a question about something that you said earlier that actually kind of ties into all of this? You said that when the times of your life where you would get a tiny bit overweight, you'd look in the mirror and you'd think like,

oh, you, I forget exactly what you said, but like, oh, you disgusting fat slob or something. I've been thinking a lot lately about the ways that we talk to ourselves because I can be so, so brutal on myself. And I've really, as I've gotten older, and I think we've made it clear, I'm very old. I've tried to go more gentle on myself because it's like I don't speak to anyone the way I speak to myself but I do well here's the question do you think there's good that comes out of being really

shitty to yourself the good is the reaction to that where you don't like that feeling and then you do something different because I think if you just look at yourself and you look in the mirror and go, fucking awesome. And you tuck your gut into your shirt and tuck your shirt into your pants and you just go about your day and then have a heart attack. I don't think you're going to get the results that you really want. I think if you want your body to work well, you have to be honest. And if you have slacked off and you have gained weight or you have eaten a bunch of shitty food and you feel like really just slow and sludgy and you know that feeling that you get if you just indulge too much or drink too much

that, Oh, that just that the drinking too much is a bad one. Like last time we did that podcast here with Stan Hope, I fucking tried to brush my teeth with deodorant. I had deodorant out and I had my toothbrush. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? Like my brain was so scrambled from just getting hammered. I'm like, that's just a bad feeling. It's fun while you're doing it. I believe there's an expression. I forget who, was it Oscar Wilde?

All things in moderation, including moderation. Yes. i think it's a great expression i think you gotta enjoy your life but man that feeling after indulging is uh well your body is just wrecked it's a terrible feeling and i think the only way to for me at least to move past that is to go all right fuck face no more of that stupid shit and then get on the right track? See, I would find back when I used to indulge in everything more, the feeling of indulging and the feeling of I'm doing something that I don't think I'm really okay with the fact that I'm doing it made me feel estranged from myself. And then it's like, I want to keep the party going. There were so many nights because I don't indulge in much anymore because it was kind of getting out of hand. And this is many years ago that I'm talking about because I've been on the planet a lot of years. I'll stop with that.

I like how you call yourself. That's a true podcaster. Some people might find this annoying. I'm not sure when I'll stop with it, but I think I'll stop with it. I'm not sure when I'll stop with it, but I think I'll stop with it. But, you know, I would be out and it would be 1.30, 2.30. The time when most people would just go home. And I didn't want to go home because I didn't want to be with myself.

I just wanted to go home with whatever guy I was talking to in the moment. Okay, so you just wanted to escape. Yes, yes. I wanted to escape and then I wanted to escape. Yes, yes. I wanted to escape, and then I wanted to escape myself. Wow, that's interesting. That's a very honest way of looking at it. I think a lot of people feel like that. Like a lot of what the partying is is distraction from their own problems or their own goals that they haven't tried to go after,

those sort of nagging problems in their life they're not working on. Totally. The mind works in such a weird way where you chase after distractions sometimes with all this vigor, but you don't do the same with the actual real issues in your life. You don't chase after them. Because there's no immediate gratification in doing so. Yeah, but there's not.

I mean, even the immediate gratification in chasing after distractions, it's so obvious what you're doing while you're doing it. Not always to yourself, though. No. Well, I guess not. It is if you're paying attention, but most times you're not. Well, I guess not. It is if you're paying attention, but most times you're not. It's weird how many different sort of like mechanisms the brain has in place to protect you from all the blind spots.

Right. From discomfort. Yeah. And all the things that are wrong with your approach. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I sort of feel like, well, now tell me, is this a self-absorbed way to go through the world? I kind of feel like the point of being on this earth, one of the points, is self-awareness and to figure out what you're doing and why you're doing it and to kind of become self-actualized. It certainly helps you be more efficient at what you're doing and also realize what it is you actually enjoy.

Yeah. I think at the end of the day, it's an experience. And it's an experience that restarts every day. You know, you go to bed, it shuts off. You wake up and you go, here we go again. And you assume that this is the same life. And you assume that you're not just waking up in some sort of computer program that pretends that you have 41 years of memories. You go about your day. And if you want to make the most out of it you have to be aware of these mistakes that you keep repeating right and

sort of just try to not do that anymore and try to get better and you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna fucking start eating vegan you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna start taking yoga you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna start and you look at like these things as like positive sort of directions that you could get on that maybe will change and then you like fall off the vegan wagon or you fall off the yoga wagon you start drinking again and it's like this constant cycle with a lot of people of like you know going on diets and then fucking up and you know eating cake starting an exercise program then getting fat again and it's i think being self-aware helps you to have moments of reflection.

And I think meditation is really important too. That's a big one that a lot of people don't like to do. Spend time alone by yourself doing nothing. Do it 20 minutes a day. Just sit down and breathe. Sit down and think and it will help you tremendously. Because we're on momentum all the time. Yes. I actually yesterday I began to feel overwhelmed just from just a bunch of stuff going on.

And in the moment I was just like I felt kind of shaky. And I'm happy to say I did not go to the kitchen and try to find something to eat. You know, like sort of my old things that I would have done. I just I made myself take some deep breaths and tried to calm down. I don't know how well it worked, but at least I felt like that was a healthy way to deal with it in the moment. Well, I think it definitely worked right because you're talking about it. So that's true. Well, I'm here today. So you made it.

But you know what I mean? Like you you you're aware that you wanted to reset your thinking. So you spent some time and you took some deep breaths and you reset your thinking. I think that's real important for people because how many times do you just get in a momentum? You just react. I state this girl. She used to have crazy road rage. It was hilarious because she wasn't like a big girl or a dangerous girl or anything like that.

But when someone cut her off, she's like, you motherfucker. She would gun the gas and get beside them and swerve in front of them. Jeez. She was so crazy. She's from Chicago. Chicago people. I'm just kidding. But she was just like really aggressive that way.

And I, you know, I had to tell her. I go, you can't do that with me in the car. I go, because we could die. Like, this is fucking stupid. Yeah. Like, you're, you're, but, and she was just like, so caught up in the, the momentum of her emotions and this motherfucker thinks he can cut me off. Bitch. It was like this thing that she had done like all the time and she'd never thought about

it. Right. And in addressing it and calming down and breathing she's like yeah i guess i should probably stop doing that but it's this momentum of this pattern of behavior that's cut so deep it's such a groove that you always comfortably fall into well it's like you're it's that butter coffee it's that bulletproof coffee in my throat um it's like it's like written into your operating software. There are certain people that are programmed to see the world in a way where it's like people are trying to screw me over and I'm not going to let that happen.

And so they'll see it everywhere, even where it isn't. Excuse the coffee in my throat. I got to stop drinking this stuff. We should come up with a better way. Maybe that emulsified MCT oil. Maybe that's the move. Without the butter? Give it a shot.

That's the next move. Sorry. No, that's it. That's what I'm saying, yeah. Yeah, I think everybody does that. I think it's normal. And especially if you have been fucked over before, then you start thinking,

oh, it's everywhere. God damn it, these fucking people. They're everywhere. Yeah, I'm not gonna be blindsided again. It's when you actually do actually get fucked over before then you start thinking oh it's everywhere god damn it these fucking people they're yeah i'm not gonna be blindsided again it's when you actually do actually get fucked over like in a business deal or with someone who's uh trying to fuck you over like uh financially or something like that it's like it's very disturbing it's like oh this is a real criminal i'm involved with a criminal someone's trying to rob me has Has that happened to you? Yeah, definitely. And when it does happen, it's, you just realize like, whoa, okay. All right. Well, some people, this is what they do. And you have to now throw that into the mix. Like this is a possibility. Some people would just kind of try to steal money from you. For me, I would need to go back. Still, still affecting

my throat. Excuse me. I would need to, I I would become I would begin to think about everything. And I would be like, when was the point at which this started? And I'd have to kind of reconsider everything. And that is my own obsession with sort of like we were talking before. the future is to really understand how this happened now. But I think I get a little too, I mean, I can really like, I can, I can ruminate on something too much. Yeah, I think we all can. You know, I think also something's important to you. And you, you know, you really, you want something to work out well, whether it's a podcast you're doing or comedy show show or something like that, you can kind of obsess on things too much. Yeah. You can get so involved in the details that you kind of, you know, the old expression,

you can't see the forest for the trees. Totally. But like what we were saying earlier about the, or I was saying about trying to talk to myself differently, this might make people barf because it's so hippy-dippy new age, like Stuart Smalley almost. But lately I've been thinking like, is that a loving behavior towards myself that I'm engaging in? So if I'm ruminating about something or obsessing about something or thinking about something that's upsetting me, like is that, am I being loving towards myself? And then in thinking that way after I finish vomiting I think

it like it allow it allows me to actually kind of move on to like put those thoughts down right which is a pretty new thing for me because I have been at the mercy of my thoughts always well for me I think um I try to avoid a lot of negative behavior and negative thinking because if I allow it, and I always think of myself as like, okay, if I was giving myself advice, how would I treat it? And I'd probably be pretty brutally honest. So negative thinking and negative behavior. I try to avoid it almost for the consequences of me chastising myself. Like, I don't want to chastise myself. I like, I want to avoid it almost for the consequences of me chastising myself. Like, I don't want to chastise myself.

I like, I want to like me. So if I'm fucking up, like, I don't want to hear me going, come on, pussy, get it together. So there's, there's that part of me, like, it's almost like a drill instructor is like looking over my shoulder, making sure that I don't fuck. Cause like, bitch, I'm right here. Like, I know what you're doing, stupid. You know, don't, don't do, don't get dumb. And I what you're doing, stupid. Don't get dumb. And I've been dumb.

And I think we have all been dumb. And I just think all that self-love and self-help is great, but not if it allows you to continue the same patterns over and over again and still love yourself. Yes, that's where you have to really be honest and make sure that you're rigorously honest with yourself. Yeah, you can still love yourself and tell yourself you're a fat fuck. Sometimes that's the most loving thing.

I gently lovingly tell myself I'm a fat fuck. You say it was a giant sweet smile. That's the loving part. Yeah. Let's it's, you know, it's not bad to be honest, you know,

and you still love yourself even if you've been eating cake all day. Like, look, I love you, but you're going to fucking die of an insulin crash here. But see, that's where, that's where it's like, is it loving? I'm man, I'm really married to this barfy idea. Is it loving to eat cake all day? No, like that's not, you're not treating yourself right. If you're doing that. You know, the real problem is that mouth pleasure is not even that good.

Like the mouth pleasure that you get from eating cake is the first bite. I'm thinking about that. I know what you mean. It's like the first bite or the second bite, maybe. But then when you get deep into it, it's kind of sickening. Yes. You just keep going. Like my kid had a birthday party the other day.

And we were eating her cake. And I was like, oh, oh fucking christ this stuff is so disgusting i don't have a tiny little bit because i'm like you get into it and especially if you don't need a lot of cake like after like the third or fourth bite you're like oh like this fucking pasty frosting and sugar and are you one of those people who pushes all the frosting to the side and it's like oh it's too sweet i can't i'll just have a bite of the wheat germ. No, I go for the frosting first. Okay. Same. Yeah. Everybody does. That's where the love is. Although that's true. I gave up carbs for about a year. All carbs? All carbs. Like I was very strict about it. I was looking at even,

I was trying not to overdo, I was kind of trying to do like strict Atkins. So eventually I allowed more vegetables in. But at the beginning I was trying not to go overboard with that. And then I stopped. What was your response to that, your body's response? At the beginning, so my story is I was pretty overweight growing up and into my 20s and then I mean I kind of gone up and down and then I finally lost the bulk of it and I've kept it off for years but about a year ago it started creeping back on a little

bit because I'm doing IVF I'm trying to get pregnant and I'm shooting myself with hormones all the time and all the things in the past all the ways in the past that I'd kept the weight off, because it had been, you know, about 10 years of, of really being careful with my calories and exercising and all that, like it just wasn't working anymore. And it was freaking me the fuck out. So that's when I started going to a personal trainer. And that's when I, and it was not his advice. I don't know what made me decide to do it. I was like, maybe if I just cut out all carbs, that'll help. So at the beginning,

I did lose weight. Um, but then it no longer helped in terms of the, like not then at a certain point I realized, Oh, the weight comes on at a certain point in the IVF cycle and then comes back off in between cycles and goes back. And I realized that I had been freaking out, but it's just, it's just cycling on its own. For people that are freaking out right now, in vitro fertilization. Yes. What the fuck is IVF? Sorry. In vitro fertilization is where they fertilize your eggs outside of your body. It actually in vitro is in glass is what it means. And it's a

way that people who can't get pregnant naturally can get pregnant. So it involves injecting a lot of hormones and it's a whole it's a whole thing. So anyway, it was affecting my weight. I believe that now that is what was affecting my weight, but I was freaking out at the time. So initially there was some weight loss and then that stopped. Um, but I found for a while, I enjoyed living within very strict guidelines. It was just easier when we go to a restaurant. Cause I used to joke that I would like to be buried in a bread basket with a fuck ton of butter. Like bread and butter is my thing. And when we go to a restaurant and they bring the bread, like I just I don't even touch it. It's not mine. It was so it was nice to not even have to think about all these things.

But then I don't know. A few months ago, I just thought I don't feel like this is really doing anything for me anymore. And I miss my lean cuisine dinners, which is what I used't know. A few months ago, I just thought, I don't feel like this is really doing anything for me anymore. And I miss my Lean Cuisine dinners, which is what I used to eat. Lean Cuisine? They're not bad. That's what you miss? I know. Out of all the things you can miss?

I know. Well, healthy choice dinners as well. What the fuck are you doing with that processed bullshit? I know. I had stopped eating the processed bullshit. Gosh, that's all bullshit. I missed. I had stopped eating the processed bullshit. I missed the bullshit. I missed the wood pulp.

What is wood pulp? It's probably some kind of filler in there. I'm just saying. There's wood pulp in your food? In Parmesan cheese, I think. Didn't that come out recently? What? Right? Jamie knows. Jamie, what are you talking about? What kind of Parmesan cheese?

In just the, you know, the bottle of Kraft Parmesan cheese, it came out that a certain percentage of it is like wood shavings or something. What? Mm-hmm. Jesus Christ. Why are they putting wood in your cheese? So there's a... It's bigger.

At the end of the day, wood is just plants, though. That's right. Parmesan cheese you sprinkle... What? Cellulose. Okay. Hotly contested but perhaps not for reasons you might think. FDA investigation found that a Pennsylvania company, Castle Cheese Incorporated

had doctored its so-called Parmesan with a mix of cheap cheddar cheese and cellulose. Also known as wood pulp. Well if you say cellulose that doesn't sound as bad. Yeah. Cellulose just sounds like fiber from plants. Right, like plant material.

Yeah. Hmm. Well, there shouldn't be plant material in fucking cheese, you cunts. Assholes, you should go to jail for that. Putting fucking wood in cheese. You can't just do that. And you can't mix cheddar cheese with wood and call it Parmesan. Assholes.

No, it should have its own new variety name. Yeah, wood pulp cheesy thing. Right. Just call it should have its own new variety name. Yeah. Wood pulp cheesy thing. Right. Just call it that. Yeah. People would buy it. My mouth is watering.

Well, you're eating Lee Cuisines. I'm just saying, I don't know what it is in the processed frozen dinners that I like, but that's what I like. Sort of like when I smoked, I was like, yeah, I think it's the fiberglass in the cigarettes that I like. When my wife was pregnant, she liked Tonino's pizza rolls. You know, those little fucking disgusting things. I've not had them, but I've seen them in the freezer section.

I was buying them for her. I can't believe you're actually willing to eat this shit. She ate healthy most of the time, but she would just want to veg out and sit there holding onto her beach ball stomach. She would just eat Tonino's pizza rolls. Now, how are you towards your wife and your kids in terms of beat them i tie them up do whatever the fuck i want i win no how am i in terms of diet yeah and in terms of being like rigorously honest or letting them kind of come to their own conclusions well um I don't need to do that with my wife. She's on the ball and she's like pretty healthy too.

But she also likes to indulge. But she's pretty balanced in terms of like how she approaches diet and exercise and healthy eating and then occasionally indulging. She's balanced. Like luckily that's not an issue. And for my kids, you know, with kids, the big struggle is trying to keep them from eating too much sugar. Like, I don't want to be that guy that says you can't have sugar.

Like, she has some kids in her class. One of my daughters does. There's this one kid in particular that's on this insane diet. Like, he doesn't eat any sugar. There's nothing processed. And the kid's freaking out all the time because all around him, kids are eating cake and having all these things. And I feel like that can set you up psychologically. So in a bad way where you develop this, where you want to binge later or, um, yeah, I think, uh, when your parents tell you not to eat,

you want to eat, you know, when you tell parents tell you not to be a slut, it's the first thing you want to do. Right? It's what everybody does. You know, don't drink. I can't wait to drink. You know, the suppression is just not good for human beings. And so what I try to tell them is you can have a little sugar, but you have to be aware that sugar is just not good for your body. It tastes good, but it has consequences.

So like when we'd go Halloween trick-or-treating, you know, we'd let them have a couple of pieces of candy, you know, like you have a couple of you just can't sit and eat that shit until you go into a coma. It's not good for you. So sometimes they repeat it. Like, I don't like when I eat too much sugar. It just makes me feel terrible. And then sometimes like my youngest is fucking crazy. My youngest is like a little barbarian. She'll eat sugar and then run around the house roaring like she just stormed

the beaches she like throws her arms back like and she'll like run around the house like sugared up i'm like this is insane we just gave her rocket fuel or something because you think about like a little tiny body right my um youngest is five she's almost six and she's i don't know what she weighs probably less than 50 pounds so if you give her a fucking candy bar like how much sugar is a goddamn candy bar? And it's going that tiny little body and she just reacts to it. She's like Like she'll just chase me. She'll kick me. She fucking tries to tackle me. She just goes nuts She's like really really physical when and when she's like sugared up. It's like super obvious, right? I'm like that can't I mean as long as she's like sugared up it's like super obvious. Right. I'm like that can't

I mean as long as she's burning it off I feel like let her just run around until she gets crazy and burn it off. It's like her five hour energy. Yeah what's worse doesn't really last five hours it lasts about 40 minutes and then there's a crash like daddy I don't feel okay daddy I'm tired

I just want to lie here it's hilarious because you know they don because they don't have an experience in life. So when they taste the sugar, it tastes good. They eat it. They have this feeling like, oh, I have a sugar rush coming on right now. Nope, they don't think like that. They just go, I need to run right now. But I'm not 100% strict, but i do make them eat vegetables that's the one thing i do i make them eat vegetables and i try to keep them away from shitty food and i just try to explain why it's good like this is why daddy likes to eat this like they always mock me that

i don't eat bread and you know they like to stick things in front of my face that they eat and i don't eat but most of the time, I don't suppress them. I try to just keep a health. Like, even when they do something wrong, one of the first things that I say is, I did way worse than you. Like, if they did something wrong, I said, I used to do that all the time when I was your age. As a matter of fact, I think you're smarter than me. Like, you're better at it than me. And I always do that.

I always reinforce that every mistake you've made, I've made. Everything you've done, I've done. If you lied, I've lied. Like if I catch them lying about something, not telling the truth, I just say, look, I just want to tell you, when I was little, I lied all the time. And I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want to get in trouble. And so I would just lie. Is that true or is that a lie though? I did some lying. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, definitely definitely i think every kid has um but i was just i just wanted to enforce in their head like this is you i'm not gonna not love you i'm not gonna i just this is a part of life i think that's so great that's such a respectful way to raise your kids that's how i try to treat them like they're little human beings that i know more than they

know i don't think of them as my kids in that, like, I own them. I think of them like they're my kids in terms of I love them deeply, but not like, I don't own you. You're a little human being. And I also think that setting them up like that gives them a certain amount of autonomy and a certain amount of independence that I think is, like, really critical to develop early on so that it's not a giant shock when you turn 18.

Yeah. You know, like, slowly build them into this idea you are a little autonomous human being and I'm always going to be here like if you need advice if you need a hug if you need you know you always got a place to sleep you don't have to worry like everything's fine like don't don't go through life with fear and hunger you know that you don't have to worry about that you have a family but you're your own thing like what are you into you into music what are you into you in the music? What are you into you like space? you know what he into you like reading books like what's your fucking thing find your thing and I never had that chance as a kid, you know, and I think

Looking at my life like back at like the things that life, like back at like the things that happened to me that made me sort of like rebel and made me sort of reinforce the idea that I need to be independent. I need to get the fuck away from all these people. I need to have stopped all this negative input coming from all these different directions. Like I sort of in having children get a chance to re-engineer what I would have liked about my own childhood. Did you have an oppressive upbringing? Wasn't oppressive. It just was, there wasn't a lot of attention.

It was like, I just, my parents really just weren't into it. Right. You know, I think there was a lot of latchkey kids in our generation. And I mean, I used to, I used to to walk out the door when I was seven and wander through the neighborhood. I used to do a, I did a fisherman's wharf magic show when I was eight years old. Who the fuck lets their eight year old, like my daughter just turned eight. One of my daughters did.

And, uh, I couldn't imagine her just walking out my house in San Francisco and wandering down the street and, and being by herself with no one. I can't imagine that. And so I would think about like what my parents let me do and, you know, made me independent in a lot of ways. But God, it put me in so much danger. There's so many times. Yeah.

I think if you're forced to be an adult when you're a child, you pay for it somehow later. Yeah, I'm sure. You sure? I'm sure there's pros and cons you know if you can get through it all you have a more comprehensive view of the world and the dangers it provided but i mean i was almost molested when i was like eight by some fucking creep at a library that i was hanging out at and the librarian saved me i was um looking through i was into monster movies when i was a little kid i was really into like dracula and frankenstein me. I was looking through, I was into monster movies when I was a little kid.

I was really into like Dracula and Frankenstein shit. So I was looking through these books and this guy came up to me and he was like really weird. And he said, you know, you like monster books? And I go, yeah.

And he goes, I really, I love monster books. I've got some monster books in my car. Do you want to see them? It's like I've got Dracula in my pants. You want to? Exactly. And so I'm like, okay.

You know, I didn't know any better. And so I started walking with him in the library and starts yelling at me because she had seen me there before. And, you know, she's a real nice lady. And she's like yelling, Joseph, you get away from that man. He just got out of prison. Jeez. And the guy ran.

He ran. And I just started crying. I couldn't believe it. And, you know, I remember thinking at the time, like, who the fuck just lets a little kid just wander around like they do? Right. At the time you thought that? Yeah. Yeah.

I remember thinking that at the time. Like, why the fuck am I just wandering around here? Did you tell your parents? Yeah. What's fucked up is my mom didn't remember it. Like, I talked to my mom about it recently. She didn't remember. I'm like, how do you not remember this guy trying to molest me when i was eight right i got upset at her what was her reaction to you getting upset it's just that that was that

latchkey thing like yeah you're fine look you didn't nothing happened you know right it's like they they had this attitude well i think for the longest time that was the attitude of like look i kept you physically safe you're in clothing you went to school whatever it is you know so what's the problem and it's like well there's all the the whole emotional side of things yeah well I think when you look at our generation versus our parents generation and their parents generation if you just go back a couple generations to like my grandparents days days, my grandparents were immigrants. They came over on a boat from Italy and Ireland. And when you think about what their life was like versus what our life is like today, I mean, we're barely even related.

We're so different with our access to information, with the understanding that people have about raising people, about communicating with people, about talking to yourself even. Even your reference to going to the library is anachronistic. Yeah, yeah. It is, right? I mean, imagine you having that kind of a conversation with your parents when they were your age about loving yourself.

Am I being loving myself? I know. They'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Go out there and farm. Even I feel that way towards myself, though. I guess I'm an old soul. I think you're introspective.

You're looking at yourself, you know, am I being a dork? What is this? It's more that than anything, I think. Yeah. So you're trying to get pregnant? Yes. Yes. We actually haven't transferred any of the embryos.

We've just been collecting them, and they're frozen. the embryos. We've just been collecting them and they're frozen. And we are about to start the first transfer in the next couple of weeks. Whoa. You're making a Frankenstein, baby. That's right. Some science involved. I know. I was listening to you and I know you and Whitney Cummings were talking about that. And it is crazy. And a weird thing is that you could have like let's say of all of our embryos two of them are good and will create babies if they happen to be implanted at the same time then i will give birth to twins but if not that and we go another round then i could have kids you know a couple years apart and like that's what we're like you have you end up doing all this weird math of like how many should i implant to maximize the chance of getting pregnant minimize the chance of multiples um i don't know it is

it's weird they take your egg and they take your husband's sperm and they mix it up in a lab somewhere yes well they do it with lightning bolts and shit they've-hmm. They raise the table up to the sky. Exactly. Yeah. Everything goes dark for a second and very quiet. It's alive. Yeah. It's exactly like that. It's crazy that they can freeze the embryos. That's the freakiest one.

And I think normally, or I think traditionally what they do is they take the eggs and then they take the sperm and they put it together in a Petri dish and then just kind of let it do its thing. But for certain people, they do something called ICSI, which is intra-cytoplasma something sperm injection. So they take the sperm and they literally inject it. And I don't know how. Like they must have the tiniest little needle into the egg. So it's even more minute. Yeah, it's kind of crazy that they can do that. I'm worried about that because what if you catch a weak load that way?

Like a weak load gets lucky. I would always want the strong sperm to bust through the egg. Right. Instead you get some. Well, I think that they're using analysis to get rid of the weak ones. They do sperm analysis? They do. Oh my God, that's like the first thing.

Like Bud's? Yeah. Like Bud's camp for sperm and the weak ones, they ring the bell. They take all the sperm, they drive them far into the mountains, they drop them off, they give them one peanut and they say, we'll come back for you in three weeks. And if you're still here, we're going to inject you into an egg. They give you a Swiss army knife and a fucking piece of shoestring. Figure it out, stupid.

Right. They take away your shoelaces and they say, you have a lot of thinking to do. You've been very bad sperm. It's time to make a person stupid. No, but I get what you're saying in terms of natural selection. No, but I get what you're saying in terms of natural selection. IVF is circumventing all of that because it's taking a whole bunch of women who are past the person that way, is that well, I mean, yeah, there's also that argument, which is but but the people who are doing it are people who have tried to be responsible and wait until they're at a point in life when they can have kids versus like a 22 or 23 year old who and I'm sure there's plenty of great actually I've never met them but they're probably out there who've had kids that young and it all turned out well um they can get pregnant pretty easily usually but I don't I feel like most early people in their early 20s aren't really ready to have kids yet I just feel like we're getting emotionally ready later but our biology is staying the same

yeah 100 well that's one of the things that I always think about when I think about my mom. Like my mom had me when she was 21. It means she got pregnant when she was 20. And when she was 21, she had a baby. When I was 21, I was a fucking moron. Yeah. I can't imagine being forced to raise a kid when I was 21. I was so irresponsible.

I couldn't take care of myself. And I think the natural process of people getting pregnant really young. I mean, like, how strange is it with human beings that you're essentially able to get pregnant when you're 13? Right. That's crazy. That's crazy. Fucking crazy. So my daughter, who is just turned eight, she's got five years.

She get pregnant. That's insane. She's a tiny little thing, a little person, a little baby person. And like that little baby person can have a baby inside of them. That's madness. It's just, our biology is so, it's so irresponsible in that way. It really is. It really is. Yeah. It's, it's a, it's just, it's just such a weird holdover from a time that we can't even remember when it made sense to get pregnant at 13. Well, yeah, we can't remember, but that's the weirdest thing about biology, right?

Is that the changes that take place naturally, they occur over long periods of time, hundreds of thousands, if not millions of years. But the changes that have taken place in our culture and our society over the last thousand years has been insane. The massive amount of difference between living in 2016 versus 2016 is just, you can't even, it's barely like the same life. Do you think the amount of change that we have recently is the same amount of change that there has always been historically, though? Or do you feel like things are like speeding up? They're definitely accelerating. They're accelerating because of technology. One hundred percent.

It's just the world we live in today is alien compared to the world of a thousand years ago or even a few hundred years ago. If you went 200 years ago and showed them how people are living today, they'd be like, holy shit. Even the crazy science fiction authors of the 1800s, who, you know, Jules Verne and Orson Welles and all these crazy people that had all these great ideas about the future, they never thought of the Internet. The Internet is bizarre.

The idea that it's not going to be metal spaceships that change us it's not going to be laser beams that we're not going to live in the sky no way crazier than that we're going to live in this one spot but everything's going to be there for you right wirelessly and we're all going to be connected in that way globally yeah wirelessly that's the most fucked up thing when i was sitting at home the other day and somebody sent me a youtube video and i was watching this crazy youtube video and as I'm watching like how bizarre is that someone just sent me something I press it and now here I'm watching it and it's it's it's playing out in front of me like not even two seconds after I've got the text message I'm watching this thing

yeah I I was listening to you recently talk about how you don't think that the human brain is really like, can really knows how to process celebrity. And that's why we end up putting the Kardashians, stop me if I'm putting words in your mouth. But like, that's why we end up putting Kardashians on a pedestal or something because we're biologically, or biologically historically wired to follow achievement and success and strength and things like that but then you take people and put them on tv and turn them into idols so to speak and it's like that then our our our lizard brain goes oh you're someone who has achieved something i should follow you i was kind of thinking by the same token i don't

think that the human brain knows how to deal with technology, information, the internet, all of that, because it's like, someone can say something shitty on the internet. And I don't get that bummed out by internet comments anymore. But there was a time where it's like, some something someone says something shitty. My brain doesn't know how to regard that, like, doesn't know how to put that, how to prioritize that, how to see that in perspective. It just feels like, oh, someone close to me is saying something shitty, as opposed to, like, this is one comment in a sea of comments. Yeah, yeah. And also one person who you ordinarily wouldn't be in contact with. Right.

You wouldn't want to hang out with them. You didn't like them. They decided to start judging you. But that's also the flip side of it is what you can do with your podcast is reach people that you would never contact. Oh, yeah. You can reach the world. And so you're going to have people reach back.

It's part of what some people like about it is the ability to comment on something. And some of it's not valid at all. But you're going to get criticisms that are just not valid. They don't make any sense. But I, and I should say like that level of connection and that interaction is I think the best part of it. And there is just this sort of dark side that comes with it of like, yeah, you're going to hear some shit you wish you hadn't heard. But for the most part, it's amazing. Yeah. For the most part, it's amazing. Yeah. For the most part, it's amazing. The thing that you were talking about with the Kardashians, that was something that Neil DeGrasse Tyson just Instagrammed the other day.

That was a conversation that he and I had when I did his podcast. And I really firmly believe that, that there's something about pointing a camera at someone and putting them on a screen that you look at them, and it hijacks your reward system, the reward system that's designed to, you know, say if there's like some, the mother of this tribe, and she's been alive for a long time, and she has all this wisdom. And so when she talks in front of the fire, everybody sits down and listens. Why do they listen? Well, because she survived, she's achieved achieved she's someone who you have to pay attention to because she knows things and you know she knows things so when she starts talking you listen that can all be hijacked by a fucking reality TV show

camera on Bravo and next thing you know it's Real Housewives some pilled-up bitch screaming at her friend and you know, like we pay attention to them. Yeah. Um, a friend of mine was at the, um, one of the people from that real housewives show has this, um, uh, restaurant.

Is it sir? And does it have to do with Vanderpump rules? Which I've recently become obsessed with. Yeah. That lady's a fucking nice. They're all nuts. They're fucking so crazy. But anyway,

when my friend was at the restaurant, she said that that lady walked in and people started losing their shit. She's here. She's here. She's here. That's probably why they're at the restaurant. Yeah.

To see her. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then they were freaking out. They couldn't believe it. They were getting their phones out. They're looking up at her. I'm like, this is an incredibly unexceptional person.

I mean, she's, there's nothing about it. She holds a dog. I mean, there's nothing about her. She holds her dog. I mean, she has a restaurant dynasty. She talks. She's got restaurants. But you know what I'm saying? When you're listening to her talk, there's nothing that makes you compelled to listen to her. There's no really fascinating words coming out of her mouth.

She doesn't have any skill. She's not an artist. She's not a singer. There's nothing there well and then you get to the the sometimes i sort of get stuck in this mental eddy of like well what this person has created is a very watchable reality show sure like in terms of content chris jenner look at what she's created but i don't know but i don't know is that art i you know i don't know well we love assholes people love watching assholes yes we love people screaming at each other we love people sniping at each other we love people doing shitty things to each other

and we love scenes that last 10 seconds 10 seconds boom cut to the next thing 10 seconds boom cut to like what's happening now oh what's happening now like they know the exact amount of time it's almost like they've got an algorithm like when to to change the camera scene, when to change the angle. Well, have you ever, I'm going to guess you have not ever seen Vanderpump Rules? No. I have recently become, like I said, sort of addicted to it. And at the beginning, my husband would be like, so what is going on? He'd wander in, like, what's going on now?

I'm like, I honestly don't even know. It's like watching the screensaver I had in college, which was just fractals. It's just watching beautiful tan people yell at each other. It's mesmerizing. And it kind of is, it calms me down, but I'm not,

I'm not really paying attention. I'm just observing. Well, I used to watch the Beverly Hills housewife show just to get upset. And you know, I see these pilled up ladies yell at each other and then disappear to the bathroom. And then they would go to the bathroom. She's on pills.

She's on pills. They'd bitch at each other and stuff. And it was weird. Like they would try to hurt each other's feelings on camera. It was like so obvious. Yeah. I know. Well, that's another thing is that like specifically with all of those of those shows i can feel the producer slightly

off camera feeding them lines and and it's like there's this drama that in real life wouldn't like really is that are you are you really that upset about that because suddenly six people are upset about something that seems like not a big deal and i feel like that was that existed on paper before they did those scenes well more, your entertainment has been observing fools like you've put fools on for half an hour on television. And that now becomes what focuses what your mind focuses on instead of something really, truly interesting. Instead of something enlightening or something entertaining or you're watching fools reluctantly with this like weird guilty feeling you know like

what am I doing why am I watching this and then you realize like these are people that you would never want to hang out with in real life and here on this stupid show

I meant to invite them on my podcast but I hear what you're saying but what's weird is if that was a drama if it was a drama it was a show and it was all

completely made up it wouldn't be nearly as interesting because the narratives are really boring. It's like, we're going to go get chews. We're going to go down the store together. And Debbie needs chews. She doesn't think she needs chews, but I'm telling her she needs fucking chews.

But I can't believe she chose those chews. I would not wear those chews, but I'm not going to tell her that. And there's that one girl who just says what's on her mind. You know, people think she's a bitch, but she just speaks. She keeps it real. She keeps it real. She speaks her mind. I'm just going to keep's a bitch, but she just speaks. She keeps it real. She keeps it real. She speaks her mind.

I'm just going to keep it real. I'm just going to keep it real. And, you know, you have these like. She says what everyone else is afraid to say, except for the six other people who are also saying it. We all think it,

but we won't say it. Yeah. And she's the one that says it. She'll just go right in your face. She doesn't care. She doesn't care. And, you know. That's Bethany for you.

But I know a couple of those people in real life like from that show from real housewives of everett hills and they're really sad like really depressed and really sad and the blowback from being on that show is atrocious like their social media blowback that they read the comments and and they're they get devastated like do you remember when kelsey grammar's wife was on that show for one fucking season and she tried to like be like some she tried to really play it up like she was and they'll fucking hate the wave the tsunami of hate well that's the thing i think that

kind of happens from what you're saying about like we're watching fools is you're not you're not like i'm watching a great piece of art or something you know we're watching you you watch it with this idea that you're somehow better than the people you're watching so i think people it's like they become punching bags and that must suck oh it's got it has to suck because well, Kelsey Grammer, of course, and her were getting a divorce. And before they got a divorce, she got on the show. And when she got on the show, it was like really weird stuff. Like she was hanging out with like actors and hopping on the motorcycle with them. And he's my friend. They drive a good looking guy with fucking great hair and Kelsey Grammer's fat and gross and she's riding off. She's kind of hot. She used to be in Playboy.boy so the whole thing was like what is going on here and she just had this crazy fucking shitty attitude and was flaunting it in front of all these people's face but the thing is i had met her before that and she wasn't really like that at all right it was her reality show it's this thing they do they feel like they have to like play it up and then i met her i saw her at a party in the middle of that show like when the hate was coming down and she looked like the weight of the fucking world was weighing on her

like when she was because so many people hated her and then she got off the show she's like fuck this like she was very smart in that way but kelsey rammer had some interview where he did he said that's what she always wanted so i gave her what she wanted and i knew she wasn't gonna really want it but what's what she always wanted that's what she always wanted so i gave her what she wanted and i knew she wasn't gonna really want it but what's what she always wanted that's what she always wanted because that was the whole thing like she had this little video that she did at the beginning of the show and the beginning of is like uh uh you know i've always been in kelsey's shadow but it's time for me to step out oh god that's the beginning of all those shows let the world know who I am. Let my star shine. You know, one of those things. And the fucking, just the green monster of hate that descended upon her.

You could feel it. And I know a couple of those people that are on that show. And that overwhelming negative message that you put out by being that person. And the response to millions of people hating you like literally millions of people saying you're a dumb cunt like it's devastating it's devastating because the people directly respond to whatever message that you're putting out there and that message is compelling that that fucking beverly hills housewife bitchy message is compelling. That I'm going to personify that low, petty, craven bitchiness that probably exists in all human beings. I'm going to be the embodiment of it. You think that that, in terms of what you put out in the universe, just brings it back to them?

I think, well, it's a distraction, obviously, right? Those shows are a distraction. Like all shows. I mean, you could say that about great shows like Game of well, it's a distraction, obviously, right? Those shows are a distraction. Like all shows. I mean, you could say that about great shows like Game of Thrones. It's a distraction, ultimately. It's entertaining. And what is entertaining? You're sitting there and you're pretending these things are happening

and you get to just go off with them. You get to go. But there's something different about, you know, that Tyrion Lannister isn't really Tyrion Lannister. When you see these people, this is them. This is their actual face. This is their clothes they wear. Right.

This is them talking to these other people. There's cameras on them. So it's this bizarre distortion of what is reality. And also, it's been real clear. There's a formula that's been established where if you can be the bitch on the show that makes a lot of noise and you know you could keep it real you could speak your mind that girl gets a lot of attention you can tell what it is

you can get a daytime talk show and when that girl gets a lot of attention they keep the camera on her when they keep the camera on her the other girls go that fucking bitch is getting all this camera time

like I know a couple of those girls that are outside of it and they'll bitch that you know Brandy this and that and that's why they're fucking paying attention

to her but that fucking bitch and blah blah blah so they ramp it up And that's why they're fucking paying attention to her. But that fucking bitch and blah, blah, blah. So they ramp it up. They'll ramp up. They're like, I've decided that this season I'm going to be more bitchy. Or this season I'm going to be more forceful. Because I've sat back.

I'm not going to let them edit me. They edit me. I know what they're doing. So what I'm going to do is I'm not going to give them anything to edit. Everything they do, I'm going to fucking hit them like this. This is how I feel. You get caught up in this wave of crazy right of trying to manipulate the manipulators yeah and then you see it in their faces they're just popping pills and drinking all the time and

and you know dealing with what they asked for they wanted this fame and so they get it but then they also get the hate part have you you seen, you know a lot of famous people. In general, have you seen anyone enjoy fame? Because I feel like from what I've seen, it's a thing that people have to learn to manage. But it's never what they thought it was going to be. Kevin Hart doesn't seem to have a problem with it. Kevin Hart's an interesting guy. because he's a super positive guy, super positive, super motivated.

Even when people shit on him, he doesn't shit on them back. Like he'll goof around with some comics that will go after him. He'll mock them and make fun of them. But he's always laughing. You know, he's a like really, really, really ambitious guy. So I think like his level of like what he's looking for, this is just part of the equation. And he just keeps going. Like he wants to be like an Oprah. He wants to be a mogul, you know, that's his, his goal. So he seems to be handling it

better than anybody I've ever met. But for most people, I think we all agree. Like we've had conversations about it. Um, I've had a conversation about it with a bunch of different celebrities. And one thing that everybody seems to agree is you don't want to ever get as famous as tom cruise there's like a level of fame you don't want to hit you don't want to be brad pitt right like a buddy of mine is friends with johnny depp and he says johnny depp can't go anywhere like the he hangs out with them there's these guys with earpieces that follow them everywhere and they were in london staying at johnny de's house. And he went to step outside to go get some cigarettes. And he walks outside and there's these guys like standing there with earpieces on.

Do you need a ride? Do you need to take you anywhere? And he's like, this guy can't go anywhere. Like he goes to a restaurant. He goes to a restaurant and they swarm on him. They swarm on him. Whereas some people can go to a restaurant and they can look over. They go, oh, that's Doug Stanhope.

They look over. Oh, that's Ron White. And they're famous, but it's not a crazy thing to see them. Here's a perfect example. Me and Kevin James were filming a movie and we were in Boston and we were hanging out in his hotel and we're joking around and laughing and out the window uh we're like in front of this restaurant tom cruise was at this restaurant and we looked out the window we saw tom cruise we see people taking pictures of tom cruise and then we see people on the street running towards the restaurant oh fucking running like running because they heard that tom cruise was there and we're watching this and you know the glass is right here we're pressing up against the glass so we can look at an angle and I stopped

and I go how crazy is this I go here you are you're a movie star and you're like careening your neck to try to get a glimpse right at Tom Cruise on the street at a restaurant across the street from you yeah it's a can of queens right there he's but he's that famous that famous people freak out when he's around like he's way too famous he's hit some weird bizarre level stratospheric doesn't make any sense yeah it's also so weird that people do that i'm not saying i'm not one of them because i would be but if you want to be in movies you i mean you of them. If you want to be in movies, you want to be a superstar. You want to be in those gigantic blockbusters.

That happens. It can happen. It doesn't happen to a lot of people, but for every Samuel Jackson, there's a hundred dudes who try to be like that. But for Tom Cruise, that is as famous as a person fucking gets, in America at least.

There's no more famous person than that guy. So when you see that, it's compelling in some sort of strange way. Even for a movie star like Kevin James, he's a fucking famous guy. He's filming a movie, starring in the movie, looking out the window, can't believe he's seeing Tom Cruise. It's weird. Celebrity in some way, it's like currency. And I don't mean for the person who is the celebrity. I mean for the person who, like, you're like, I am seeing something that most people don't get to see.

Most people only see, in terms of most people's relationship with Tom Cruise, you see Cocktail and Top Gun and all his most recent films that I'm not naming because I don't know them. Excuse me. But here you are just seeing him at a restaurant. Like that's something that most people don't get to see. It's like the rarity or the scarcity of it. You know what else I was thinking in terms of what it does to our brain when you see someone's face that's huge and you're, you know, when you're sitting in a darkened theater and someone's face is 50 feet tall, that kind of replicates the way your parents and all adults appear to you when you're a baby.

Like it's a baby, you're just sitting there and there's these faces that are huge and they show up and they're over you and they're gone and I don't know. Do you know that that's what a lot of psychologists believe are the origins of alien abduction memories? I did not know that. They believe the origins of alien abduction memories have to do with birth. And that's why that clinical, strange setting of being pulled out of your mother's womb, of seeing the light in this really white, sterile environment that seems cold and harsh,

and the people with the masks on. Oh, right. Surgical masks and big eyes that you see these things and they become iconic in your head. And you think of them in not in terms of like a person with a mask on, but in terms of this like very strange distortion of reality. And these are the first images that a person has. That's so interesting. A human brain when they're a baby is very, very tiny, but obviously it's still a human brain. And so we don't really know how much data they store in terms of memories. Right.

Because we don't have a context, like they can't talk about it. They can't, I mean, people, some people will claim they have certain memories from early childhood and they might be, it might be correct, but it also might be some sort of a rehashing of memories to the point where it's not really a memory. Right. It's something you've heard. Well, it's remembering how to describe a memory you once had. Like the memory itself probably doesn't exist anymore. You have a memory of how you told the memory and that like really sort of distorts it too but think of like visually you've never seen anything you've been in a womb and then all of a sudden you get pulled out and you get pulled out by a guy with a fucking

giant light behind him and he's got a mask on and he's looking at you and you're pulling all you see his eyes and his face and so that they believe that gets distorted into this iconic giant head, black giant eyes and the cold sort of clinical antiseptic room, this white room with the light. And that's why everyone has these abduction scenarios. They all deal with medical exams that are pretty preposterous. I mean, they're always going up your butt with stuff. And I think that's right where the aliens go. Yeah. I think that has to do with, I think it's vulnerability.

Because like you think about your butt and you're like, hey, get out of there. You know, like everybody thinks like that. Right. So I think that's the one thing you'd be terrified of. Like if the aliens had ultimate control over you, if you couldn't move your body and they take, what are they going to do? They're going to touch my body. They're going to go inside my body. They're going in my butt.

It's like, you know what I mean? It's like, I think that, that really makes a lot of sense. That's, I had never heard that before, but that's really interesting. And that does make sense. Yeah. How good your eyes work and right when you come out of your mother not that well yeah no everything's hazy everything's hazy and weird in the light also you've never seen light before so you've seen this extreme light

this powerful light source because everything has to be really bright so you could really get a good look at everything and make sure you're stitching up the vag good you know and getting in there and looking at the baby and making sure everything's in place and then putting that baby in an incubator. Like, whoa. And then if you're a boy, oftentimes circumcising. They don't do it right there, do they? No, I guess they wait a few days.

Still do that. God, I get text messages or tweets all the time from people that support my stance on circumcision. I think it's barbaric. I do too. It's creepy. It's crazy. And it's unnecessary nowadays. 100% unnecessary. There's this nonsense that it somehow or another prevents AIDS. Like, get the fuck out of here. There's no data. Zero. If you go look at the actual studies that try to back it up, they'll talk about it in third world countries. Like Like there's still no data. You can't tell me that you all couldn't be the same exact result. Couldn't be cleaning your dick. How about just clean your dick and don't cut a baby's dick? feel oh well it's also it's traumatic it's like you're taking away like a certain amount of the child's freedom and decision making like really early on and you're you're cutting them you're

cut it for no reason they're screaming and a lot of babies lose their dicks by the way super common infections really common babies babies die from it i mean it's not like one has ever died from it a bunch die right And there's a real problem with traditional Jewish methods because the mohel actually sucks on the penis. I'm not making any of this up. No, I know. I'm just grimacing. It's disgusting. And they transfer herpes to the baby sometimes and the babies die. And not just one, but many babies have died from getting herpes from a rabbi sucking on the baby's penis. Yeah. I was watching this YouTube video once of this guy defending this practice.

And he was, you know, an old rabbi. And he was talking about how, you know, it's in the faith. And if you believe in God and, you know, God came up with it the right way. Does that make sense? I don't understand the link between cutting a piece of foreskin or cutting the foreskin and God. Like, I don't, that doesn't work. I'm a not religious person in general. So these things often don't link up in my head. But it's like, how? I don't, I just don't get it.

How does that have anything to do with God? It's ancient shit. It's back when people were stupid as fuck and they didn't have any data it's really what it is i want to think that we are just as stupid now as we were then no yeah no we're not we're not as stupid as people that lived in the 1920s watch try to watch a movie from like 1940 and watch how dopey people were like god everyone was so dumb yeah like it's like they didn't even know how to be in color they were they were so strange and childlike in a lot of ways like and you know the other thing is people just they didn't have the access to information they didn't live as long and they didn't have anybody around them that had access to information the way they

do right for every scholar and every person who was deeply embedded in intellectual pursuits, you had millions and millions of people that just didn't give a fuck and were just trying to get by. So I cut you off. You were saying that you were watching a rabbi talk about the importance of circumcision? The importance of circumcision and doing it the traditional way where you suck on the baby's penis. And he was talking about that there's antiseptic properties in saliva

and it helps stop the bleeding. Like, fuck you. Just don't cause the bleeding. You don't have to stop it. I was so furious watching this asshole dressed like a wizard talking about sucking on baby dicks after they cut them.

I just wanted to beat the fuck out of them. I really did. It's just like, watching, I was like, you make me so angry with your stupid thinking that you're justifying cutting a baby's dick and you're talking about some dumbass old ancient bullshit that was written by morons who thought the world was flat.

And you want to continue that in 2016 because it's tradition. It's like, it makes me mad. It makes me really mad. Because you're talking about fucking babies. If you're a grown adult and you get sucked into some stupid cult that wants to cut your dick and let that old dude suck on it. All right, man. How old are you?

You're 35? Good luck. Don't do it. I'd say don't do it, but good luck. But when you do it to a baby, it just makes me fucking furious. And to see this guy just encloaking himself in tradition and using it to justify these like objectively barbaric practices. If you stand back and look at it, like analyze it, like what benefit is there?

What are the risks and what's the consequences and what are we doing here you sucking on a baby's dick dude you talking about sucking baby dicks what how is that how is it real like how is that guy not in jail yeah how does that exist in this modern world imagine though if he wasn't in a religion imagine if he just liked cutting baby dicks and then sucking on them. You'd fucking have him killed. But the fact that he can do that, he can... And be regarded as an elder and a scholar. Well, he's got crazy robes on and shit.

He's got like gilded gold around this stupid fucking outfit that he's wearing. And I'm like, oh my god, you fool. Are you angry that you were circumcised, assuming you were? No, because my dick looks perfect. No, if I had a chance to do it over again, I would definitely say don't do that. But no, it doesn't make me angry.

There's nothing I can do about it. But it's just a foolhardy practice. It's just it doesn't help anybody. It's not like, you know, imagine if there was like an improvement that you could make, you know, like, uh, everybody was born unfortunately with this flap of skin on their forehead. But if you remove that flap of skin, you know, you can read people's minds. You know what I mean? Oh my God. First in line. Yeah. Take that flap of skin off. Let's read each other's minds. This would be amazing. They found a hack. There's like a bio hack, but that's not it.

They found a hack. There's like a biohack. But that's not it. It doesn't it in fact it it lessens the pleasure. Right. It changes the way your penis feels. Allegedly. I wouldn't know. But that's what they say. There's a whole like group of people until it regenerates a foreskin. I didn't know that was possible. Well, it never regenerates a real foreskin because it's always going to be folded over in some sort of a strange way. But the reaction is that it reignites or re-whatever it is, the mucus membranes. whatever it is, the mucus membranes. So the tip of your penis, sorry to get graphic, folks, is supposed to have almost like a liquid mucus-y sort of membrane over it. That's all dried out now when dudes get circumcised. So it desensitizes your penis.

And when your penis is encased in foreskin, then the foreskin is pulled back, it's much more sensitive and supposedly much more pleasurable. Who knows if that was a part of the reason why they started doing it in the first place or if it was a hygiene issue at the time. People didn't know that much about washing. Who knows? Who knows what was the initial urge? You know, I'm sure it's under debate.

Did you see the headlines yesterday about how science has they've they've developed this some substance yeah second skin maybe they could use it for that yeah i guess yeah but that seems like it would actually do the opposite well maybe if you kept it on every day no i guess you're right i think if you kept it on every day what the thing thing about that second skin, though, that's interesting is that they think that they're going to be able to use it for medication. Like for people that have psoriasis or eczema, they can put medication on and then put that second skin on. The second skin will actually hold the medication in place. Yes. That second skin thing is a trip.

Yeah. I was watching. They did it to this old lady's face and it just sucked it back in and her bags under her eyes. What did it look like? Like normal. Oh really? It's invisible. It's like Invisalign for your face but better because you can kind of see Invisalign. It's going to change the way people's

faces look. But the people that did the Joan Rivers thing that just filled their face up with rubber and stretched it all out. They're fucked. They're fucked. Like all the early adopters right of surgery and fillers and all that craziness that people have done to their lips and there's this lady that i know i call her well i don't call her monster face to her face but she's i there's a type of look that i call monster face yeah a lot of women have it yeah

but that monster face thing what happens is they stretch their face out so much that their mouth is way too big like their lips go way over here they're not supposed to go over here no but they're doing this oh because they're just pulling it all back they're pulling their face back so much that when they when they smile when they open their mouth you start doing the fibonacci sequence in your mind and you go, something's wrong. Right. Because there's a natural, like your nose is the correct size for your eyes and your lips and your chin and your face. And we all have like, there's a symmetry to a human face. And there's a sequence that the Fibonacci sequence, you can actually calculate. I didn't know that Fibonacci had to do with facial features and stuff.

I've heard of Fibonacci, but I didn't realize. It has to do with a lot of different features that exist in nature, like pine cones, nautilus shells. I've heard it used when, so I used to play in a band and some of my friends had recording studios and I know that it was used to like figure out acoustic nodes, I think, some pattern of sound waves. Well, Tool did a whole song with the Fibonacci sequence. You know, they figured out a way to incorporate the sequence into the way the lyrics are structured and the way the beats are structured.

But there's, when you, the ratio of a person's face gets distorted with plastic surgery. And it's one of the things that's upsetting about people. When you see someone, they've got like crazy fake lips. They're fake lips like whoa what's going on with your lips you know or what happened to her nose what is going on with her eyes that there when we we change things what is this jamie sequence in nature yeah it is yes okay so it's showing the um the sequence as applied to the human face but it's applied to everything apparently but i think when you see it that's pretty cool you see it in sunflowers when you see it in um in human faces after surgery i think that's one of the reasons why there's like an automatic like repelling response like it pulls unnatural like back. Like, whoa. What I wonder is,

because I feel like I'm really good at spotting plastic surgery, but I wonder how many people walk by and I don't, like people who have good plastic surgery where you just don't notice it and you just think they're attractive. Like that must exist.

There's definitely some subtle plastic surgery that they've done really well. Yeah. Like there's some subtle facelifts and some things along those lines that, uh, I got another person I know, I know this lady, she's like 60 and she looks hot. She's pretty hot. And she's had a gang of shit done.

Maybe too much. Like she may be like, uh, obsesses a little bit and nips and tucks, but you look at her, you're like, God damn, she's 60. Like she looks really good. Right. She, but you know, they do a little of this, a little of this, but then I know a monster face, and, you know, she's got a mouth that looks like it could eat a baby's head. Like, she just looks like a monster.

Like, her cheeks are huge. Is she happy with how she looks, do you think? Who the fuck knows? I don't know her that well. But her cheeks are like this. They're all stuffed up with rubber. They do weird stuff where it looks like they just had mouth surgery yeah their their jaws are swollen because they feel like there's so much puffing out their face remove some of the wrinkles i see so what's funny in a town that prizes being

skinny so much i see so many people men too have these like balloony faces because they're just filled with i don't know if it's botox or i don't know i have not had any of that done um so i don't really know but it's like yeah their faces it looks like it looks like they're puffing them out yeah it looks like they're filled with irritant is what it is yeah well there's an actual physical substance in there that's making their face thicker right to get rid of the lines. Yeah, all that stuff is going to go away. They're on the verge of releasing.

There's a guy in Germany that created this procedure called Regenikin. And Regenikin is they take your blood, they spin it in a centrifuge, and they heat it up. And then they take the, there's like a yellow serum that gets developed in your blood and it's a direct response to the heat. Your body reacts as if it's in a flu and it produces these radical anti-inflammatories. They take these anti-inflammatories and they inject it into injured areas. And all these athletes like Kobe Bryant and Peyton Manning. That's so crazy. I just read about this. The wonderful athlete Kim did it it's they call it a plasma facial okay that's different that's still the blood and the centrifuge but it's not heated up that's um

that's um uh bullshit no no no no no no it's it's a type of plasma um fuck what was it called um i forget what they call but it's similar it's similar i forget what they're called, but it's similar. It's similar. I forget the procedure's name. Something plasma, plasma fucking, God damn it. Why do I not remember this? Anyway, it's similar, but not the same. This Regenequin thing involves heat and it devolves your blood's response to the heat and then taking that serum and injecting it back.

My point being, the same doctor that created this procedure created a new procedure that restarts the body's production of collagen. So what wrinkles are is your body loses its elasticity and it starts to give in and starts to get sloppy and loose. And that's why people get facelifts. Well, with his new procedure, he's going to restart your body's production of collagen. You're going to develop collagen like a 20-year-old. Wow.

Which is fucking freaky because that's all it is. It's not something like you're asking people to be able to jump 10 feet higher. It's not insurmountable. It's just a simple matter of the body not producing as much as something that it used to produce. So they figured out a way to get it to do so instead of pulling your face back and stuffing it with rubber and all that stuff. Are there health benefits to that? Or is that just vanity?

Because like, you know, earlier we were talking about the is being in the gym all the time about vanity. I would say if you're 80 and you need to look 20, that's vanity. I mean, ask me when I'm 80, but it's like, why does everyone need to look so young? Well, you look better when you're 20. So if you need to look 20 that's vanity i mean ask me when i'm 80 but it's like why does everyone need to look so well you look better when you're 20 so if you want to look better do it it's really simple is it vanity well there's a vanity when you cut your hair is it vanity when you wear nice clothes is a vanity when you wash your face is it vanity when you wear makeup i think about i especially used to think about that all the time because i really wanted a nose job um for the longest time i never

got one sometimes i still look in the mirror thank you sometimes you don't need to do that you have a beautiful nose thank you um it's a mind fuck wait what is a mind fuck like what's wrong with my nose yes my nose fixed yeah and my fear is always like well what if i end up with some stupid tiny nose that doesn't look right on my face and then I can't get it back and plus I feel like that's just that's just going too far but then I think but you know I had braces so my teeth look different than they would have looked otherwise and I straighten my hair and I look better with straight hair I look better with straight teeth I like I've all these little things so why is that one different?

And it just is because it involves undergoing a procedure and I sort of don't agree with doing it. But still, it's like, where do you draw the line? If you were born with a weird hump on your nose and they straighten that out and all of a sudden you're beautiful. Yeah. That can happen. That can happen. I mean, there's people who are born with distortions. So why is that okay, but just a nip tuck we've decided is not? Well, it's not that it's not okay.

I mean, you can do whatever the fuck you want, but it's a rabbit hole. Yes. And if you go down that, I want to get a nose job rabbit hole, you might go, I think my eyebrows would be better if they were an inch wider. Oh, are you saying they would be? No. But you know, you'd be like, I think- No, I know.

Well, that's the argument against it. I think there's got to be a way to make my lips just a little thicker. I'm not looking for this, but I want this. A tiny bit. That's what stops me from starting any of that is that I don't want to be monster-faced. Yeah, you can get

monster-faced easy. Because it's so easy to go like, oh yeah, you know, my upper lip is not as full as my lower lip. Maybe I could change that. Or like, I feel like I'm beginning to get lines here. Maybe I could do something. You know, it's like there's all those. Some injections in there and some filler in there. Yeah.

Just fucking. If I'm a little fatter around the outside of my lips, but I don't have the wrinkles, I'll be happy. Or like, hey, maybe some of this fat can be moved here. Next thing you know, there's an alien up your butt. Yeah. Well, how about people take some of the fat out of their inner thigh and they inject it in their ass. And all of a sudden it looks like they're wearing a diaper. I know a lady who had that done.

Really? How about that? Who are you hanging out with? She's got a diaper. I don't live where all these white people live. All these older white people with money. Yeah. They just panic and start sticking stuff in their body.

But she looks like she's wearing a diaper. She's got these little popsicle legs. Like she doesn't. Was she unhappy with her flat butt before? I don't know her. I don't know her that well. I just know that she had some stuff injected in her ass. She's not the only one I know who's done it either.

I know quite a few people who've done it. It's a bizarre practice. Are you familiar with waist training? I only learned about this recently. That's another crazy thing. But I was at the grocery store and I saw this woman with this gigantic ass gigantic thighs like big tiny tiny tiny little waist yeah I was so turned on yeah no it was very unnatural looking a friend of mine got with this girl once and they hooked up and they got together

and they started fooling around and she had a thick waist and it freaked him out she said he said that she was boxy he said she went from her shoulders down to her hips and it was a straight line and i was like what it freaked you out like how he goes i just i had to leave i go what i had to leave so the geometry of her body like the fact that it didn't go i go she's pretty's pretty. And he goes, I never met the girl. I go, she's pretty. He goes, yeah, she's beautiful. I go, hold on. She's beautiful, but her body was too square.

That's what, did you notice that before you got together? He goes, I didn't think it would be a big deal. But when we got together, it was a big deal. And I'm like, whoa. Well, at least he's trying to look at the things that really matter um what kind of woman does your friend normally i'm sorry i'm being so fucking judgmental angry you're angry all of a sudden yeah instead of like it just being like a nose job or braces or nip and tuck that's all this one thing like the boxy body like this fucking piece of shit well you know

why because i walk around with like there's like 19 things about me I'm not into, but I'm like, oh, whatever. People won't notice. And then like, I never even thought of the level of boxiness of a body being something. I mean, I'm married, so I'm not out there trying to impress people with my body not being boxy. I can be boxy. I've got that freedom

but i'm just saying i didn't know i needed to worry about that well you don't need to worry about it unless you're hanging out with my retarded friend but if you were well is he retarded oh yeah when it's definitely retarded comes to that kind of stuff he's retarded when comes everything okay but i was just amazed that he he left this girl's place because she had a boxy body. I mean, would he have had sex with her otherwise? Yes. He would have stuck it in the box's box? The box's box, yes.

I feel like that joke could have come off better. I'm not happy with the execution. Invite me back someday and I'm really going to have that one perfected. That's our first go at it. I'll have a different face by then. But that joke will be so good. I'll have to pretend to ignore it. Yeah.

Yeah. I remember I was in the Irvine Improv. No, Brea. Brea Improv. We were in the green room and we're waiting to go on and we were just barbecued high, like really, really stoned and was watching TV and it was Comedy Central was on. It was Comedy Central, one of those shows where before she died. What the fuck's her name?

Joan Rivers? Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers had full on rubber face. And she was on the screen. And when you're really high, things like that just glaringly stand out. And I just held my hand up to my face like the Home Alone kid. I was like, oh no. Oh no like what is going on here like how is anybody how how we're just like letting this go on we're so how come someone doesn't step in and go what the fuck are

you doing you can't do this this is crazy her whole head was just rubber and inflated yeah nothing was moving nothing was moving. Nothing was moving. The forehead wasn't moving. The cheeks weren't moving. I'm like, whoa, this is a total new kind of face that never existed before. Never. That we see on TV all the time. All the time.

That always shocks me or frightens me, that idea that what if I couldn't have any expressions? Yeah. What if? Couldn't do this. Yes. Yeah. That's normal. You can't do that. You can't. if... Couldn't do this. Yes. Yeah, that's normal. You can't do that.

You can't... But that's so important, I think. That's so important for... If you're going to be on camera, having a face that displays emotion is important. So why would you want to hobble yourself to that degree? That's really interesting you brought this up because I was watching boxing this weekend

and Canelo Alvarez fought Amir Khan and they're doing this thing now in boxing it's really weird where when the post-fight ring announcer is interviewing the fighters it was Max Kellerman who's interviewing the fighters he's asking these questions they have these girls stand right there these really pretty girls like stand like like as if they're his friends. They stand right next to him. And it's so fucking distracting. And this one girl, I don't know if she has Botox or if her face is just naturally shiny.

She looks like really young. I don't think she has Botox. But she's just sitting there with like a smile, like half expressionless. And she probably can move her face. It's probably all like in my head. But all I'm thinking of is her fucking head's frozen. Her face, she's only 29 years old. Her face isn't moving.

Young people do Botox now. What? How old? Vanderpump rules. Sorry to bring it up again. But why would they do that? Why would they do that if their face is not wrinkled? Apparently it is, according to one of the guys, it's a preventative.

They're getting interviewed. See the girl behind him? Yes. She's very pretty. Beautiful girl. Her fucking forehead hasn't moved in months. That goddamn thing is frozen. Her face looks plastic.

Does it? To me. It's pretty hot. See, that's a certain amount of plastic I'll tolerate. But it was freaking me out i was like why is there why is their skin frozen right is that just see here in the back it's hard to tell but it was like there's like a shininess to foreheads when they do that shit like there's like an artificial shininess to it it's like it's pulled it's not even that it's pulled back, but you've zapped it.

You've zapped it and froze it. Right. All the little tiny micro muscular things aren't happening. And it's paralyzed. Botulism. I know. You're injecting botulism into your fucking face to keep it from moving. You're paralyzing your face.

I know a lady who did it and it went bad. She got a cheap one done and her eye drooped down like this. Oh no, did it ever come back? So like six weeks, yeah, six weeks later, for six weeks she looked like fucking Arturo Gotti. It was like somebody had been baiting on her with jabs. Yeah, I know of someone whose side of her mouth, and she

was a newscaster, side of her mouth drooped for weeks too, but it came back. What did she do? She was a newscaster shit she I don't know if she went on I only I heard about it from other people

she was freaking out she was freaking out about it oh my god yeah fucking what a weird problem to have I injected too much

botulism in the side of my face and now I drool when I eat that's what honestly scares me about all that stuff is the idea of something going wrong yeah i just don't trust anyone enough to let them do that well also those when they inject

the botulism there's like a lot of different levels of people that are good at it and shitty at it and some people they you know there's people that think more is better right so stick more of that stuff in there and just freeze the whole fucking thing. People do it to their arms. Did you know that? They do it to different parts of their body. Yeah. I recently heard, though, about how it can be a migraine cure.

That makes sense. And it's like 39 tiny injections in different places in your head. And it helps with migraines. That kind of makes sense. If migraines are pressure and pressure is caused by tension, you release those tension. So what do people do when they put it in their arms or why?

People don't like the way their elbows look and shit. Oh, that's different, Jamie. That's, yeah, that's oil. See with that guy, those are not real muscles. That's something called... Oh, but it looks so real.

We're looking at a video or an image of a guy who's on something called synthol and synthol is something that uh people who are into bodybuilding do where they inject it into their muscles and it's oil that inflates the size of the muscle it doesn't change the strength of the muscle but it makes your muscles like blow up and look completely look at that guy with the red t-shirt on look at these guys like look at this they've they inject their muscles and make them fucking enormous and not just a little bigger way bigger than normal no it's like it's madness gross looking well it doesn't look real at all it's crazy but it's a form of body dysmorphia where these guys think it looks good.

It's like when a girl gets size 78 double E tits, they get crazy. They start thinking that that's the way to go and it never looks big enough for them. And they just want to get bigger and bigger and bigger. It's like anorexics, bodybuilders. Body dysmorphia is a real thing. It's like what you were saying, like looking at your own nose, you're like, I just changed this and do something with it. And just you start finding, you stare at it long enough. You start finding things you don't like about it. You just go through the looking glass and you just, everything gets distorted.

I kind of think almost, I, I, it really seems that almost all women have a certain amount of body dysmorphia. I know I certainly do, especially having been pretty overweight and then now whatever I am. And then, you know, it's like I don't know how to regard myself in the mirror. And by the way, I don't need anyone to tell me how to regard myself unless it's positive. Well, yeah, you're circumventing comments. Well, I just realized I was sort of inviting some stuff. Thank you, but no thank you. I just realized I was sort of inviting some stuff.

Thank you, but no thank you. But yeah, I just, most women in this culture don't really have a sense of what they look like. Well, I think there's also an issue with improvement in general. Whereas you, I think that also can be applied to people that just get way too rich and way too successful. It can be applied to looking at your own body, looking at your mind, looking at your face, your face in particular. Like there's, you can, you can improve the way you look, right? You can wear makeup, you can change your hairstyle. And when, when you can do something, you're always never sure when you're done.

Yeah. So like if you're making a painting, how hard is it to make a painting and walk away? Like, okay, good. No, I'm just going to a little more. And this, the process of improvement, you can get caught up in it where you lose your objectivity and you can't see it the way other people can see it. And I think that is a big part of what body dysmorphia is. Yeah. Perfectionism. Yeah. We have this desire to improve things, right? You have to desire.

I think I'm going to, you know, renovate my house. The next thing you know, you're going fucking crazy and tearing walls down and rewiring things. And like, what is that? Tweaking, right. It's like this thing where you can't just appreciate. You have to like constantly change things and if if that's applied to your face you know or your waist with the waist training that you're about to get into that where they wear those corsets and suck themselves in and compress their organs and

also hinder organ function you know it can fuck with the way you're because you're not everything's not right fucking jammed in like that. You can change the shape of your organs. You know, it's just soft tissue. If you wear a corset enough, I saw a guy with a corset the other day. Really? Yeah. Where?

Well, I'm assuming he was a guy because he had a beard, but in this day and age, you're not allowed to assume that anymore. He was at Universal, Universal City Walk or City or the park, you know, the fucking rides. And he had a pink corset on and Birkenstocks. It was a dude. Such mixed messages because the Birkenstocks are like, I'm going to just be comfortable. The corset's like, no, I'm not. I think his message was this is how he likes to dress, you know. But it was a pink corset and it was stuffed into this thing.

And then he had like, you know, wacky hair and a beard and like kind of women-y clothes. Kind of like women. Some parts of the clothing he was wearing were women's. Like the corset? Yeah. The shirt as well was like a woman's shirt. It was very odd. Just sounds like an uncomfortable ensemble.

I don't know what kind of childhood he had, but maybe he's just going to fight that to the day he dies. You know? Maybe. Or maybe that. I don't understand what some people like. I don't like some things that other people like. I don't know what's going on in their head when they look at something and they go, that looks amazing. You know?

But some people, that is what they like. Yeah. You know? For him him maybe it's that like people that like to dress up like furries right like what what is what is it right about putting on a fucking giant mascot outfit of a squirrel that really gets your rocks off i don't know i know i don't I don't get it, but I don't think I have to. No, you don't have to. No, I don't. In terms of things like fetishes, I don't know that someone can understand the mindset of someone who's into that. You know, I feel like that is so baked into your operating software, to use that term again, that it's like, I don know that that's if i were to explain it someone else would get it i don't think it that's like that i

think that's more like i like the smell of vanilla or i don't like the smell right it turns my stomach what's weird when you find out that some fetishes are just sort of burned into your mind at a very young age when you're sexually maturing like dr chris ryan was a friend of mine who's been on the podcast before he was talking to me about um children especially boys when they're in a certain level of puberty like i think it's like ages between 11 and 14 any sort of sexual encounters that they have during those age can almost permanently burn those encounters into their category of sexual attractive things, things that they find sexually attractive, including like sex with men.

And he was talking about how men can be totally straight, but maybe they got blown by some guy when they were 14, like in some crazy, weird moment. And then they become attracted to men blowing them for like forever. It becomes like a weird fetish. That's so interesting. Yeah. Well, you know, it's imprinted. I forget the term he used.

But is he suggesting that therefore then they're gay or they're not gay? They just are into dudes blowing them. Exactly. That's what he's suggesting. I mean, I'm sure there's all sorts of, there's both. But I think what he's saying is that some men can be even attracted to gay porn or attracted to the idea of guys blowing guys and not be gay, which is, you know, we don't like to, we like to make things very clean the way we categorize things.

We like to have like very clean and obvious categories. Right. But if we're all on a spectrum, then the categories break down for different people yeah yeah i forget what term he used about this imprinting but and i'm sorry go ahead no it's okay i think that younger people are much more comfortable with the fluidity of sexuality and with everything i mean i remember when i was in college there were there was a fair amount of girls making out with girls but in front of guys like look at me i'm so wild i'm making out with a girl but not you know and i feel like that's now you know what i actually don't know i was gonna say i feel like that happens all the time now but i just i sound like a blue hair or something i don't't actually know. I think people are experimenting with the idea of doing things that are outside of the confines of normal patterns. And because they don't like who their parents are and they don't want to be like them.

So they want to be able to rebel. One of the best ways to rebel is to exhibit behaviors or indulge in behaviors that are forbidden or they're outside of patterns right there's this girl at the comedy store one of the waitresses was telling me about her friend who uh it was she said it was like hilarious the way he said it because he said um i know i'm not gay because i've had sex with guys and i didn't like it and she said i think that's like one of the most heterosexual things that a guy could say. And we were laughing. I go, I guess so, right?

I'm like, you don't really know if you like sucking a dick until you suck a dick. And that's what he was saying. He's like, I didn't know. He goes, I had sex with a guy. I blew him. I didn't like it at all. And I'm never doing it again. And she was talking about. I to finding out to not prejudging.

I think that people did that in the 70s in particular. There was a bunch of rock stars that experimented with gay sex like Pete Townsend did it. And Mick Jagger and David Bowie supposedly did it. Pete Townsend did it and Mick Jagger and David Bowie supposedly did it. Like, I think it was common that people were experimenting with boundaries and they were challenging where those boundaries are, where they begin and where they end. And we also know that like homosexuality in particular was very, very common a long time ago. You know, even pedestry, you know, that's that's word right pedast pedistry isn't it fucking kids yeah fucking kids yeah being a pederast yeah um they that was super common pederasty yeah is that the word maybe it's somewhere in it's we're so close to the yes

yeah the word pedophiles there's a difference between being a pederast and a pedophile. One of them is like they get attracted to it. One of them is they engage in it. Interesting. But that was super common. Like really common amongst like really respected people. You know, like Socrates, Plato. There's a lot of people that were, they acknowledged that they had young boyfriends.

Like little tiny young people. It's fucked. But back then it wasn't fucked. And homosexuality through, I mean, the Greeks and the Romans and they constantly engaged in homosexual behavior. That's weird about like depictions of them in modern media. They don't indulge in that. Like that's like not a part of like the movie 300 you know what i mean right a bunch of dudes butt fucking each other

it's but if we're led you're right yeah why is there not someone on set like um yeah i i've we've gone over the texts it seems like uh we're like we're not showing an ample amount of butt fucking amongst dudes. What's interesting is that it could have been so accepted and then there could have been such a change where up until recently, it's like people who were truly gay did not feel comfortable being gay, that it could change that much. I wonder if it's cultural. I don't know. know that it could change that much i wonder if it's cultural you know i don't i don't know it could be religion but it's also it could very well be what did you grow up with like i think a

lot of what people are is what did you grow up with yeah if you look at the variations you know you talk about the spectrum of cultural behaviors that exist in human beings that is wide and varied and in some places extremely bizarre. And so you look at like isolated tribes in particular and you look at some of their strange practices. Like there's this group in New Guinea and they call them the semen warriors of New Guinea. And one of the things they do is they take young boys away from their mothers very early on. They live in these bachelor groups and it's all just child rape yeah i mean and they think that the only way a young boy can grow up and develop is if he ingests semen yeah it's fucking crazy and this has been going on for thousands of years

apparently this isolated tribe that does this And these are like fierce warriors who fucking kill their enemies and eat them and shit. A lot of a lot of cannibalism exists in some isolated tribes, especially around New Guinea for some strange reason. But what I would think would be fascinating would be talking to the person who escaped that. If assuming there are I mean, they must them. The tribes must shed members occasionally. And then where do they go and what do they do? Well, I mean, in a lot of ways, it's a cult behavior. I have a friend who used to be in the Moonies.

I know a dude who grew up a Mooney. I know a dude who grew up a Christian scientist, a Jehovah Witness. I know a couple Jehovah Witnesses. Me too. Former Jehovah's Witnesses. That's weird, man. That know a couple Jehovah Witnesses. Me too. Former Jehovah's Witnesses. Ooh, that's weird, man. Yeah. That's a weird one.

Yeah. And my friends who are Jehovah's Witnesses, they are no longer practicing, but their families still are. Oh, jeez. And that creates all sorts of problems. Like my friend, who her mom didn't come to her wedding

because I forget, because something about her wedding wasn't Jehovah's Witness approved so her mom couldn't go Jesus Christ yeah yeah how specific mom yeah all right I have a Joe Rogan question I have noticed I have noticed that you post a lot of images that show the brutality of nature. Yeah. And I'm wondering what about that aspect of nature appeals to you. Well, it's not even just the brutality of nature. It's nature in general.

Like those photos that I have over there that, what's such a dude's name? CJM Photography. CJM underscore photography sent us. Those are these wolves in Yellowstone. I just think I just am fascinated by wildlife. Like, see those wolves in there? They're incredible. They're amazing, right?

Yeah. There's the actual photo itself. I'm just really, really fascinated by wildlife. And for whatever reason, wild predators fascinate me more because they're scary. wildlife and for whatever reason wild predators fascinate me more because they're scary and just because the way they live is so it's so explosive and dynamic and and final you know like when the image of the bear that i posted the other day that was eating the sheep and pulling the fetal sheep that it pulled from a carcassass. It killed the sheep and it was pulling the fetus out of its body. It's like that is just so ruthless and brutal.

There's something about that aspect of nature that's just insanely – when I say attractive, I don't mean I love it. I'm like, yeah, eat it up, eat it up. I'm excited by it. You're drawn love it. Like I'm like, yeah, eat it up, eat it up. I'm excited by it. You're drawn to it. I mean, I'm drawn to it and compelled to view it and fascinated by the fact that these animals exist with us on this planet alongside us right now in the wild. amazing aspects about North America is that North America has these wildlife preserves, these places like Yellowstone, these state and national parks where they have these animals that

are wandering around. And any given time you can go to Yellowstone and you could see bison and wolves and, and bear. And they don't, I mean, whether you're there or whether you're not there, that is how they live. They live in the same way they've lived for millions of years. In this really barbaric, raw, natural world where it's just about breeding and killing and trying to keep the numbers as high as possible while, you know, as high as possible while, you know, riding it out until the alpha male gets too old to defend its territory and then gets forced out and eventually dies and freezes to death. I mean, and it's this intense, long running cycle. I'm just really, really fascinated by wildlife in Do you think that, because I wondered if there's an element of it that you feel like people don't face that that's our true nature to a degree and like what we come from. Because I, you know, I can post nature images and it can be like, look at these puppies. Look at a puppy befriending a duckling.

That's what I post. They're not really nature though. Well, natural images i'm saying like you know there's people often don't focus on the stuff that you're presenting it's like you know it's there but it's like i don't want to think about that it's icky it makes me uncomfortable do you do you delight is there a part of you that wishes people would recognize that that is a reality more? No. I mean, yes, for sure.

But that's not why I'm putting it up. I'm putting it up just because it's compelling to me. Right. You know, when I see things that are cool, I'm just like, look at this fucking wolf. This is wild. Look at that. And I feel compelled to put it up. But I think our life, the way we live in cities and in urban areas is insanely filtered in terms of our interactions with the rest

of the world, especially when we're consuming things that come from the outside. And then it comes not just as far as animals, but even plant life, even just gardens and nature. But I think we buy too much vegetables from the store. We buy too many vegetables from a box, from a shelf, and we stick it in a plastic bag and we drive it away.

I think we would all do ourselves a lot of good if we grew some. If we kind of understood this process. I grow vegetables and I put them in a salad and I chop them up and, you know, and cook them and eat them. And there's something incredibly satisfying about being there for the entire process, knowing that this is a seed I put in the dirt, I put the fertilizer, I put the water

and here it is in a salad. And there's a connection to your food and to this the life form that you're consuming itself in that way that i don't think you get any other way and i think i think that the filter that we've created by civilization by supermarkets by restaurants and things like that i think it's unhealthy because i think it keeps us from a true complete understanding of our position in this whole thing. Right. That that bear, the only difference between that bear and the space that you're in right now is just distance. Like that bear could be right over there. I mean, it's wandering around on the earth. It doesn't have fences around it. It's just distance that keeps it from being in woodland hills, walking down the street.

That's really all that stops it. It's terrifying. Yeah, it's all that stops it. It's terrifying. Yeah, it's got its own environment. It's got its own range. And so it stays in that range and eats the animals that are in that range. But not even just terrifying, just the idea that that is a life form

that coexists with us. And our life form, we have figured out a way to isolate it in these very strange tribal systems and these communities and civilizations and cities yeah it's very bizarre and so that's the most appealing thing about wildlife and wild predators especially predators because that's what we're afraid of the most we're afraid of being consumed by one of these things that just consumes they're consuming machines they're just walking

through the woods looking for something to consume and that's what they do consuming machines they're just walking through the woods looking for something to consume and that's what they do they try to fuck and they try to kill things to eat them this is so bizarre that that's all going on right now constantly all the time but most of our interactions with animals are puppies dogs our cat hey sweetie here's a can of food open the can don't even think about ground up fucking chickens that got stuffed into that can we're weird we're weird and i think we're disconnected 100 yeah but i but i'm i'm engrossed in it i'm just constantly um watching nature documentaries and paying attention to articles about it and i'm fascinated by it. Are you interested in desensitizing yourself

to horrific images? Like I've had people on my podcast before. It's usually people who came up in tech who went through a phase where they felt the need to watch beheading videos and like anything anyone would send them, they felt the need to watch it so that they could handle it. think anyone would send them they felt the need to watch it so that they could handle it this there's a that's a thought process that i could understand i i get why somebody if something really bothers them they would want to see it a lot and then if that does happen and you see things enough you can get desensitized i think it's a really negative feeling to watch like a reporter get his head cut off by the taliban or something like that it's a really negative feeling that i don't want yeah i remember i watched this ISIS video, one of the last ones that I watched,

of these guys shooting these guys. They had them face down. They shot them all. And, you know, you see their bodies reacting to the bullets, and then they climb over this guy and they cut his head off. And I'm watching them dig into this guy's neck with this knife and pull his head up and yell, Allah Akbar, and hold it up. And I remember thinking as I'm watching that, like, okay, I get it.

I get it. Not watching these anymore. I get it. I know those guys exist. I've got it in my database. It's there. I don't need to be feeling like shit all day for the rest of the day thinking like, how the fuck does everything go so bad that someone's making a YouTube video gunning people down

and cutting their head off with a pocket knife. It's just, what? You know that that guy lived to be 30 whatever years old before he's shooting this guy and cutting his head off. What is his experiences in his life that led him to be at the point where he wants to project this horrific image to the rest of the world to put fear and terror into the eyes of the beholders. Like, what is it that he's trying to do? Like, what has gone wrong?

Right, what's he trying to say? And again, it's what you were saying about the spectrum. Like, in the spectrum, there's horrific behaviors versus beautiful behaviors. There's this broad, and I think there's something to be said for knowing the darkness. Just so that you can understand, like, this is also in the mix. This is also in the equation. Don't look for it everywhere because it'll fucking freak you out. Yeah.

But knowing that it's there, it's probably better. You don't pretend it doesn't exist. Yeah. Because I think if you pretend it doesn't exist, that means that you pretend it doesn't exist in yourself. Yeah. And then all of a sudden you're getting drunk and being an asshole. Yeah. A friend of mine sent me an article about this girl who went over to Syria to try to love her way through the country.

And she was raped and killed really quickly. the country and she was raped and killed really quickly um and when he uh when he said it to me i remember like reading this article and thinking like who why would someone be so naive they think they could just go and hug all these people wander through this land and then she's gang raped and killed by these muslim guys and uh just there's a lot of people that don't want to believe that some people had a really shitty upbringing. They had a shitty deal. They were born in a terrible part of the world. They were exposed to horrific things very early on. And their programming is ugly.

Yeah. It's dark and ugly and filled with trauma and pain and suffering and violence. And that is who they are. But that is a reality. That's why the people that are total 100% anti-military, good luck with all that. Good luck with it. Because what you're saying is you hope for the compassion of all these people in the world that it matches up with yours.

Well, guess what? It doesn't. Because there are parts in the world where these people are 30 years old and for 30 years they have been exposed to horrific violence. And that is what they do. And unless they die, this is just how they behave. And you are going to run into them. And most likely they're going to enact horrific violence on people you know or on you. Right. There's a lot of people like that. That exists.

on people you know or on you. There's a lot of people like that. That exists. I used to be a total pacifist growing up, so when I was young. And now I recognize that that's unfortunately a beautiful but naive way to go through the world because it's just not realistic to have no military and to think that you never need it.

Because you do. You need to be able to show strength and you need to be able to be protected. And you need to crush bullshit when it happens in different places. And I hate that, though. I don't love having to have come to that conclusion. I prefer the idea that you can just hug people and make a difference. It'd be beautiful. And it works in small groups.

It works in some places. But look at North Korea. You've got a dictatorship. You got some evil fuck who's running an entire country and he keeps people entirely under his thumb. I mean, literally an entire country under this guy's thumb. Think about what's going on right now in the Congo. Think about what's going on right now all throughout the darker aspects of the world where people are poor and there's violence everywhere. There's a lot of places in the world today that are the apocalypse.

They're there. Like there's a crazy Vice piece on Liberia. I don't know if you ever go to Vice. Do you ever read Vice.com? Yeah. Jesus Christ. They have Vice piece on Liberia. I don't know if you ever go to Vice. Do you ever read Vice.com? Yeah. Jesus Christ. They have this video on Liberia and this guy. They call him General Butt Naked because he would go into fights naked.

And he was part of this civil war that was going on in Liberia. But he was a cannibal. He killed babies from these neighboring tribes. He would go over and kill the children and eat their heart. And they thought that like eating the piece of a children's heart, a child's heart would protect you in battle. They would cover themselves with the blood of these innocent children and run through these fucking neighborhoods. It's just horrific, horrific stuff. And that's going on right now.

Like Liberia right now is a terrifying terrifying place and and if it happened in los angeles you would say holy shit the apocalypse is here what's the apocalypse is here on earth it's just not in woodland hills it's not in studio city it's not in beverly hills but it's it's here it's on earth yeah sometimes i'll like that the awareness of how much fucked up shit is happening all over the place is when i am tuned into that frequency like i feel very overwhelmed and just like fuck i don't know what to do with that not that i have to do anything but i mean i don't know what to do with that because like on my show, my show is twice a week. And on a Thursday show, I've started featuring.

I have a friend of mine who's a dog trainer and she goes to specifically the Downey shelter, but other shelters, kill shelters and takes these dogs and trains them and gets them more adoptable. And so I've been featuring a dog a week, hoping to try to get the word out. But now that I'm aware of all these different dogs, I'm also aware when all of a sudden you go to the website and it says, you know, so-and-so is no longer available. And I know what that means now. I mean, it means that dog has been put down, as opposed to so-and-so may not be available,

or so-and-so has been adopted, or so-and-so is with a rescue. It's like, I think when it says is no longer available. And I used to just think, oh, someone adopted that dog. It's like, no, that dog got put down. And so now that I'm aware of all this, I find I get emotionally attached to each dog that I don't personally know. And it's, I'm overwhelmed with the sadness of that. And then I think like this is this is nothing compared to the horrendous awfulness on every level. It's hard to that thing of like I want to make the tiniest difference in one little life. It's easy for me to just feel overwhelmed to try to even be doing anything because there's always something so much worse. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good way of describing it. There is always something so much something so much worse. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good way of describing

it. There is always something so much, something so much worse, but I think in some weird way that also makes us appreciate when things are good. Yeah. And that's one of the more unique aspects of today is that you can pay attention to some of the horrific parts of the world and go, wow, we are so fucking lucky that we're not trapped in North Korea. We're so lucky that we're not living in the Congo. We're so lucky that, I mean, um, my friend Justin, he, uh, builds wells in the Congo and he goes to the Congo and he's there for like six months at a time. Just got malaria for the second time. And, uh, he's, I mean, he's a, just a gem of a human being. And he is part of this charity called Fight for the Forgotten, where he goes and helps these pygmies build water wells and maintains them for them and stuff like that. But this guy's experience when he talks about the horrific plight of these people and all the, the gun through gone through and all the persecution they've, they've experienced. It just really, you leave and you want to be nicer

to people. You want to, you listen to him talk and you listen to his experiences and you, you one have hope because a guy is willing to leave Dallas, Texas and fly down to the Congo and become a part of these people's lives and try to help them and elevate them. So there's all this hope for humanity in that, this person that has no real connection with these folks other than just meeting them once and then falling in love with their tribe. That is possible, but it also makes you realize, like, God, we're looking for problems today.

We're looking for things to be all, should I fix my nose? What should I do? You know what I mean? But things could be so much worse. And again, it comes back to that spectrum and the spectrum of information that we're, that we can access today. It's almost, I mean, there's, the brain is really not, it's not really available to tune in to all these different parts of the world all the time. And so you could, it's so easy to lose focus. It's so easy to lose perspective. It really is.

I just, I went to France a couple weeks ago, a week ago. Did you go to Paris? I did. Were you scared? No. We originally were going to go in December and we rescheduled. Even though I know that the chances of anything actually happening are so small. And it's almost that thing of like, I'm not that special that it's something's going to happen to me, you know, but I think there just is that.

After the attack, we started thinking maybe this is, you know, why were we going in the winter anyway? Everyone says that's not the best time to go. So let's just postpone it because we had always been debating should we go in December or April um but then after I I wasn't scared once we made the decision to go but I wondered are we making the wrong decision but once I was there I was absolutely I also moved to New York um like shortly after 9-11 and And once I was there, I was not scared. It's I feel like for me, the fear is more in contemplating going there. But anyway, being there, being in another country where my daily thoughts aren't like, oh, I've got to check Twitter all the time. And I've got to do this, like whatever the bullshit of my daily life is, having that instead be replaced with I'm just trying to remember how

to say this word and trying like trying to communicate with people and hoping they can understand me and looking at all this beautiful art and you know everything that you do it really upon coming back I'm finding readjusting into the date, my daily routine is more difficult. And I don't want to, I don't want to go back to, uh, caring so much about minute bullshit. I feel like that's kind of the gift of travel, not local travel or not small trips, but the gift of going to another country or being around people who speak a different language, um, is that it kind of, it like takes your brain and treats it like a snow globe. And then everything kind of gets readjusted.

And you remember that there's so much more than whatever it is you've been waking up and thinking about. Yeah. Also that their world is so vastly different. The language is different. The sounds they make are different. Their traditions are different. Their customs are different. The food they eat is different.

The neighborhoods they walk down and live in are different. Their customs are different. The food they eat is different. The neighborhoods they walk down and live in are different. Their established patterns are just different. And then when you experience those different patterns and different cultures and different cities, I think it makes you just go, oh, yeah, it's a big fucking world. Right. Because it's so easy to think that it's all exactly as that your life is very similar to whatever the life that everyone else is living. And you go out there and it's like I kept I was thinking. And by the way, I'm not it's not like I was in the rainforest or something like I recognize I was in a place that all things considered is actually pretty similar to where we are. But we went out to Giverny one day and sort of drove through the countryside and what's that was giverny that's where monet lived and what he painted um it's it's his house

and there's the gardens that he painted oh wow you can go visit his house it's really cool uh but i was thinking what if you just lived out here like Like, what is that life like? You're, you know, an hour, you're in the countryside. Like, what do they do? What goes on? Yeah. Because I, to me, it's like, it feels like very little goes on. But that's probably not true.

Well, I think it's similar to the drive up to San Francisco. You ever drive up to San Francisco, you take the five and you stop at one of those like farm towns you're like what in the fuck yeah you know and I want to go to a restaurant talk to some kid who's like washing dishes go hey man you grow up here yeah what the fuck did you do what do you guys do how much meth do you guys have like what's going on that's where people get like super desperado and drugs too because they're just looking for some kind of crazy escape you'll just drive into some town of 3 000 people in the middle of nowhere and you're like what yeah what is this and there's a lot of right-wing shit up there too that was one of the weirdest things i've always think i always think

of california as being like pretty left-wing pretty open-minded pretty liberal i grew up in orange county so i did not have that sense of it. When you drive up through the farm areas, you'll see these gigantic Mitt Romney for president signs. This was during the election. But I remember driving up there going, Obama is the real enemy of our country. These big-ass billboards where people had put up not just like a thought that they had, but they wanted to project it out to everybody driving up there buying apples or whatever the fuck they're buying. Right. Apples are meth. Yeah, or meth.

Where are you part of Orange County from? Corona Del Mar area. That's like super right wing, right? Very. Yeah. It was very homogenous. A bunch of white people. Mm-hmm.

Very, very white. Very blonde. Very blue eyed. Very athletic. It's a good place to get filler. Yes. Get a lot of filler homogenous. Mm-hmm. Very, very white. Very blonde, very blue-eyed. It's a good place to get filler. Yes. Get a lot of filler out there. It really is. Mm-hmm. That's their cash crop. Very athletic, is that what you said?

Yes, very athletic. In what way? Just that the kids that I went to school with were just very good at sports. And they valued that. And, you know, I definitely did not feel like I fit in. I was round and soft and pasty and had black hair and brown eyes and just could not keep up. I always joke that it was like a Lenny Riefenstahl wet dream there.

It was just very the prideahl wet dream there. It was just very, this very, the, the, the pride of white people there. And I resented growing up there. And then once I got older, I realized all the, the, you know, I realized why my parents moved there. Cause I was born in Oakland and apparently it was getting kind of rough. So they, they fled with the rest of the white people to orange county where it's incredibly safe and everything's manicured and the schools are nice and you know it's safe being the prominent thing i think and growing up i was like why why the fuck would you choose this place where we are so different in every way than everyone here i didn't get it and then you know as an older as an adult i go back and i and i see it is it's nice and it is peaceful and

it is calm and i get why you'd want to raise your kids there it is weird that you get these groups of white people together and they just calm the fuck down they do i'm just looking to sit with a bunch of other white people and calm down i'm doing the irvine improv this weekend and irvine's like the safest city in america like fucking 100 years running or something crazy i grew up in a boring town and i thought irvine was more boring it's more boring but it's a great place to do stand-up nice folks yeah i'm excited how did you get what was your path to get on like the adam carolla show what was your path to get into podcasting uh okay so i started writing for magazines and newspapers very young and how old were you i was 18 and i did some stuff for

the la times that's awesome thank you must be a fucking bang up writer. Thank you. I'm okay with words and stuff. You must be. I thought I was good. I was very in love with myself. I was like, LA Times today, you know, my stars just I really thought as a freelancer because then I went to college, freelanced all through college, came back to Orange County, began writing for People and for Rolling Stone. And it happened fast. And I was young. And I was like, there's just no stopping me. And I didn't realize that, like, no, it kind of just, it's not like I do this today and then cover a Vanity Fair tomorrow. Like, first of all, there's only so far I'm going to be able to get if I'm staying in Orange County.

And I ended up, like I said, playing in a band, writing for the OC Weekly. What did you do in the band? I played guitar. Did you really? I played drums, too. I was the drummer initially. And there were three of us. And I was like, you know, don't get too in love with me because I'm not staying in Orange County.

I moved back to Orange County and I was there for five years after college. And the entire time I was like, this is not where I'm supposed to be. This is not what I want to do with my life. I'm sure I was such an unpleasant asshole to be around. Do you live in Los Feliz now? No. No. No, I've changed.

But back then, yeah, it was like, you know, in year four of the band, like, don't get too used to this. I'm not staying here this place is lame yeah and especially I feel bad because a couple of people in the band um I mean they're still in bands like they really wanted to make this happen and I was like this is just my stupid little thing I'm doing on the side while I'm pursuing what I'm really trying to pursue I don't know college I love the college I went to I'm glad I went to college I believe in college but I also think it can make you a little bit insufferable. And that's who I was when I graduated. So I was writing.

At a certain point, I was like, I have to, I have, like, the life that I want to lead is headed this way. But the one I'm leading is going this way. And I've got to bridge the gap. So I moved to New York. I made the decision to move to New York. And then 9-11 happened like six days after I made the decision. And I was like, I don't care. I'm going anyway, even though I, no, I'm glad I did though.

And what was the thought process behind New York? It's the most cosmopolitan, most happening. Well, for writing, because that was my, you know, writing for magazines was my thing and writing in general. It was kind of the, it was where all that took place. Like all the people that I was talking to when I was freelancing for national magazines were based in New York. It just seemed like the place to go for that. and I met this guy and I was walking around San Francisco and San Francisco felt like such a city to me. And I was like, I really want to be in a place that has a feel of a city. And I met this guy who worked at the venue that we were playing. And he was telling me that he was moving to Brooklyn because San Francisco just wasn't enough of a city for him. And I remember that kind of,

that was blowing my mind. So I was like, this feels like such a city to me. If this isn't a city enough, what am I doing in these cow pastures in Orange County? So I made the decision to move and then eventually moved. And I was there for about nine years. First couple years, much more difficult than I thought. And I felt weirdly insecure and I hadn't expected to feel socially insecure. But I just I had left everything I knew. I left the band. I didn't know where I fit in suddenly, especially after having been in the band.

Like my whole life during the time I was in the band was and also I wrote about music before I was ever in the band. about music before I was ever in the band. So my life was going to shows or playing shows. And I had a group of friends and a community that I really missed once I left them. So then I was in New York and I was like, I don't have friends and I don't have a job and I'm freelancing, but it's not enough. I don't know what I'm doing. And I feel very alone and I feel uncomfortable and weird. Thankfully, that went away. It just took longer than I thought it would. Got a job at Time Out New York, where I worked for a number of years. And while I was at Time Out New York, they were looking for editors to go on television to talk about events going on in the city. So I said, I'm like, I'll do it. And it was Channel 4, so WNBC.

They really liked me and they wanted me to keep coming back and doing it every Saturday morning. So initially they were going to have a group of editors doing it and they decided they just wanted me. Which I thought was great because I was so destined for greatness. I'm like, it's all happening. That's how I felt. I hope it's clear that I'm trying to be self-deprecating. I worry I was aware of YouTube and I was experimenting with YouTube and I was putting my television clips. I started doing a lot of news stuff. I was putting my television clips on YouTube. And then I don't know what made me decide one day, like, what if

I just recorded myself doing some book reviews? What if I just did just talked, you know, did question answer, like talk directly to my little bit of an audience that I'm beginning to have set a blog as well. And so I did that. And the response to that was so overwhelming. I was like, Oh, people don't care if it's polished. When you're dealing with the internet, it's more about the immediacy. And it's more about you talking to them. So I started getting into that started doing various web shows. And then I created a show called Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend on Ustream. And I would do that.

It was a talk show from my living room that I would do for three hours every Sunday evening. And it was not that dissimilar. There's so many negatives in that sentence from the podcast that I have now. That's where I started a lot of the segments that I do now, was on that show. And by the way, I remember when I was Ustreaming, you were also on Ustream. And oftentimes on the front page of Ustream,

it would have me and you way back when. Crazy, man. Are you still on Ustream? Yeah. We don't stream on Ustream anymore. Right. Because we were doing it, and we're trying to do it simultaneously with YouTube

but there's something wrong with our TriCaster. I see. Still sucks, right? Doesn't really want to do it? It would work. It's just not solid and then one would drop off

and just go without control. It crashes. So we had to choose one platform. Yeah. And the thing about YouTube is YouTube lets you pause and it lets you backtrack

while you're actually watching it. Ustream doesn't support that feature. And there's more users that are watching YouTube. So we just decided to jump ship. Yeah. I had begun to wonder, is the audience there for online streaming, visual stuff in the same way that they're there for podcasts? I remember listening, I was friends with Doug Benson and listening to his podcast, and I got this curiosity about podcasts.

And then I heard that Adam Carolla was looking for a news girl. And I was still in New York at the time. And I tried to send them my stuff, and I didn't hear anything. And I'm like, okay, well, I did what you know, I did what I can and no one's getting back to me. Um, and then very rapidly, someone in my family got sick and I moved from New York to California to be with them because we didn't, it turns out that person is actually doing very well now. But at the time, it wasn't clear what direction it was going to go. And so it didn't make sense to stay in New York when this was happening. So I moved back kind of suddenly. And then around the time that I was lying on my parents' couch being like, what the hell did I do? Why did I? I don't think that I made the right move. And coming back, I got an email from Mike August. And I think the entire message was in the subject line. And it was just like, you know, Adam Kroll show this day this time you know can you come in and I said sure

so I did and I auditioned and then they narrowed it down to like four of us and then I auditioned again and then I got the job so yeah it was it was nice do you like doing your own thing better? I began doing my own thing while I was still there. And I really enjoy doing my own thing. Yeah. I also really liked being on that show, too. You know, I'm grateful for the four years that I had there. And there's a lot of positive memories. Also a fair amount of things that I think that was fucked up.

But, um... You can't just say that. But I just did. But if you do, you have to elaborate. You don't have to. I don't want you to. I feel like you do want me to. I don't.

Don't want you to do what you don't want to do. You know, whenever I talk about it... It's funny. I was thinking about this the other day. Whenever I talk about... No, I was talk about it, it's funny. I was thinking about this the other day. Whenever I talk about, no, I was thinking about this today because I was thinking about this show and if it was going to come up or not. Whenever I talk about all the stuff that happened on that show near the end when I was no longer on the show, I simultaneously afterwards wish I had said nothing and wish i had said more it's so weird and i was like why why do i have those dual competing feelings and i think the reason is because i have mixed feelings about the whole thing like there's part of me that's so thankful

for my time on the show and thankful that i was given that opportunity and you know we toured and i learned so much and i had the best time and all that. And there's part of me that's like, hey, fuck you for not respecting me enough as a human being to have a conversation with me. I sat next to you for four years. Oh, you mean about the way you were dismissed? Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I think that I still have mixed feelings about everything.

But, you know, I'm aware of how fortunate I was and I'm grateful for so much. And I also feel like there were certain elements of it that I think were fucked up, like I said. So where was I going with all that, though? You were talking about the bad aspects of it. Oh, yeah. Well, no, you were saying, do I like doing my own thing? Yes, I do. But there's elements I miss.

Well, you were good on the show. Thank you. That's where we met. The times that you and I had some interesting exchanges were on the show. You were really tuned in. I feel like I really love Adam, but I feel like Adam is like you go over a guy's house and there's just a bunch of locked doors. And you can hang out with him in the living room. When it's time to leave, you leave.

And you never get to see what's in those locked doors. Yeah, you don't always feel like or ever feel like you connect. Yeah. But that's just him. That's his personality. He's just... But that's just him. You know, it's his personality.

He's just, that's who, this is like, he's got that radio persona or the TV persona, whatever the fuck it is. And it's like, this is his range. This is where he's going down. You know, and so when you and I would have conversations on the show, one of the things that I liked is like, you would ask like these provocative questions.

You would probe and do things that I don't think necessarily he does. I thought it was an interesting mixture. Thank you. You guys together. Yeah, I thought so too. So it was a surprise to me to find out that he was unhappy. Did you guys argue or anything?

No. Do you mean on air? Yeah, either one. Never off air. Never off air. never off air. Everything was always really cordial. And I thought, I honestly thought everything was fine. I thought everything was good.

I thought we were in a good place. Like I was very, very surprised to find out that how wrong I was about how he was feeling about everything. And I only found that out because I was fired, you know, and then he did an episode where he talked about everything. And it was like I was kind of blown away by all the and I didn't listen to it for a while. But people were tweeting me a lot of people were tweeting me these things like, why did you do this? Why did you do this? And I'm like, I didn't do any of that. Like that is all. It's not true. And when you're saying that, you have to explain what you're talking about

okay i'm trying to think of like one of the one of the shining examples well is this going to be one of those simultaneous yes because i think the part that makes me the most uncomfortable is getting into the weeds with all the details because it just sounds so petty. Then don't talk about it. Okay. It's okay. You don't have to bring it up.

It's no big deal. Yeah. I don't know. It's weird, though. I don't know why I'm so afraid to get to talk about it either. Well, you know that there's going to be a bunch of people that have opinions. Yes. And it's all going to come down on both sides.

There's going to be supportive people and there's going to be negative people right and they're going to try to tweet it at them this fucking bitch is saying a bunch of you gave her an opportunity and she's not getting yes exactly like i'm not grateful and she's not getting over it either you know i feel like they're going to say that how long ago was it that you left it was um very tail end of 2014 yeah get over it it's two years well that's the funny thing is that Yeah, get over it. It's two years. Well, that's the funny thing is that I am totally over it, but it does come up, you know, on things like podcasts.

Well, I mean, obviously, it's got a giant show. Yeah. You know, it's going to come up. Honestly, it was a good thing for me to go off on my own. Were you starting to go off on your own

while you were doing his show? Were you doing another show from his studio thing? Cause he's got like a bunch of different little, I was doing my show on his network. Oh, and then you stopped and you stopped and started doing it on your own? Well, I got,

I got kicked off of, I got, I got the boot. And we kicked off the network too? Yeah. Oh, I was surprised by that as well. It was just a whole like, we're done with you.

Wow. So I began doing my show on my own. Did it make you re-examine how you do your show? Oh. In what way? Did you try to, like, was there a part of you that was like, okay, is there something about me that's annoying? You know, is there something about me that's grating? Like what is a, you know what I'm saying? Like, why Is this boring? Is this repetitive? Like, how do I juice this up? How do I make this exciting? When you recovered from that and you're like, OK, now I'm on my own. Like, does it make you tentative? Do you say, OK, I have to maybe be less bold or maybe more cautious or maybe more aware? made me speak in the way that I'm speaking right now,

which is super unnatural and really halting and examining every word before I say it, you know, it did, it did. Um, because, okay,

now I'm just going to talk about some of it immediately afterwards when there were all these people coming to people tweeting at me like, why didn't you do this? Why didn't you do this? But I wanted it to be set the record straight. Um, and someone that I, a mentor, someone that I look up to, but who doesn't come from podcasting, who comes from old media, was like, don't take the bait, Allison. Don't do it. Like, when the dust settles, do not get in there.

Just allow, just be, you know, take take the high road because everyone can see what's happening and it may like that night I had planned to be like here's my side of the story here's my response to this to this to this to this like I was going to get into it because it there was so much untruth out there. And I had very simple, like, no, let me read. Here's the email. Here's what this said. Here's this.

This is not the way it went down. You guys are getting a distorted version of things. But then I listened to this guy, and I was like, that makes a lot of sense. So I am just going to say thank you for the great time that I had on the show and I wish you the best. And I did that. And then for the next two months, I chafed against that because it's like, I agree that that is a great position to take. But if you have an audience, if you have a podcast, that podcast, depending on the kind of podcast you have, but for the most part, it's predicated on the relationship you have with the

listeners and the fact that you are honest with them and you're transparent and you're, you're, you're authentic, genuine self. So all of a sudden I did not know how to be my authentic, genuine self while also trying to be like very, to like, very to not discuss this thing that was such a big thing, obviously. And so I was kind of like, going vacillating and going back and forth and, and being authentic in every way other than this one topic that I wasn't talking about. And then at some point, like, why am I not talking about it? It feels so weird to not be talking about it. So then I finally did talk about it and it was a couple months later um but even but and and that specifically is the thing where I'm like I wish I had never said any of that but you're talking

about it now though but you're you're I'm talking around diving talking around it yeah but even in doing so you're still discussing it yeah you, you're spending an enormous amount of time, like, thinking about it and discussing it. Right. So, just, I mean, you and I discussed it, too. Right. You know, and my thoughts were pretty much the same. Just don't. Don't bother.

Yeah. Just kick ass. Go do your shit. Don't worry about it. You know, and people, there's going to be times where people just don't, it doesn't work. It doesn't gel. Maybe it gelled for you more than it gelled for him. Or maybe the opportunity was better for you than it was for him.

Right. People shouldn't be forced to have to work together, especially in show business. Oh, that I 100% agree with, by the way. In no way was I ever like, he shouldn't have made this decision. It's not fair. It seems weird to me that he kicked you off his network, though. That doesn't make any sense. That seems like there was something more to it.

Because if you guys stopped working together and he just kept you on his network and helped promote you and pumped you up, that seems more amicable. Like, it makes sense. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying about how it didn't make sense to me. He is pissed. And I don't know why. What are you going to do? do yeah do your own show that's what i'm i think i think i'll start doing that you've already been doing it yeah how's it going it's going really well you're doing it twice a week yeah twice a week

uh monday is a one-on-one and thursday there's a panel of us and it's going really well and i really like it. And yeah, everything's good. Well, there you go. Just don't worry about it. I'm not worrying about it. But you are because you talked about it, right? When I talk about it, I worry about the fact that I just talked about it.

And I can't get to the bottom of why that is. I mean, like I said before, I think it's because I'm of different minds about it, but it might just be because there's so much immediate online response anytime I dance around it. That's one of the more difficult things about anything that you're putting out there, whether it's a talk show or a podcast or fucking even an album or anything, is the navigating the response and the social media response, which is just so different than the response that you would have gotten a few decades ago or a decade ago. It's just, it's so different. It's a different world and no one knows exactly how to handle it. Right.

I mean, they can give you really good advice, but no one's done it. No one said, well, in the 30 years of my career, when Twitter came along, you know, they don't really have that to say. So you can, and the paralysis by analysis. Oh, that's good. Yeah. What you were just talking about. That's a fighting term. Yeah.

You know, like you analyze things too much when you're fighting and you freeze up and you don't know what to do. He who hesitates is lost. So when you're unfortunately incapable of being yourself because you're worrying about criticism that's also something that cunts want they want they want to be able to fuck with you to the point where i see her you know allison reads my tweets i see right she worries about what she says now because of me and then they're like yeah good good job on rogan's podcast you fucking dumb bitch. Talk about yourself much. Yeah.

Oh, no, I'm sure. Oh, easy. And then you think about that the next time you talk and then they creep into your head. That's why I try to not expose, to the degree that I can, I try not to expose myself to it because I think to myself, this is not helping me to be any, to be good at anything. This is not making a better show when I do my own show. This is making me concerned that these 18 idiots are upset with something, you know? Well,

it can give you a different perspective. Occasionally someone can say something that will illuminate some aspects of your own behavior that maybe you weren't aware of. It is possible, but it's also possible that you can tap into a river of cunts and just drown. And you can also, you become- I've swum in those rivers. Swam. Span around. Do you see a video that I posted the other day about one of the most dangerous

rivers in the world? And it's insanely deceptive. I it yesterday i believe this is crazy there's this place in england and it's this river that if you look at it it looks like a calm just sort of uh meandering river just doesn't look anything exceptional but the way it's cut into the to the ground what you're seeing is not the entire river there's an underlying aspect of it with torrential currents so if you get stuck in it if you go in it you literally can't escape you get smashed up against the rocks and you get killed like here play this oh yeah it looks so classic yeah look at this play it jamie i reckon it is the most dangerous stretch of water anywhere on earth how crazy is that?

Yeah, it looks so calm. What's the name of this video? The most dangerous stretch of water in the world. The strid. Is that what it says? The strid at Bolton. People occasionally do, but if you miss that jump, it'll kill you. This is what the river looks like about 100 metres upstream. Same river, all that water went down. Thanks to the local geology, the river basically turns on its side, gouging out passages and tunnels in the rocks below.

Those banks are actually overhangs. There isn't any riverbed just below the surface, it's a deep, boiling mass of fast and deadly currents. There are claims that falling in has a 100% fatality rate. There's no way to confirm that, of course, because a local person doesn't die in river doesn't make the news, but it has claimed a lot of lives. There are even tales from the 12th century of a young boy, set to be the future King of Scotland, who died trying to jump across those waters. And anything or anyone

that falls in might not come out in any recognisable form, it could just get pulverised against the rocks under water over and over and over again. I'd try and put a camera in, but then I'd have to get close to the edge and the edge isn't sharp it just curves towards the water and it's covered in slippery moss besides the water is opaque and brown with peat stain you'd see nothing

is it survivable? it's one of those things where you really have to look at it so people listening to this go and check out the video is it on Vimeo? it's on YouTube the video. What is it? Is it on Vimeo? What is it on? It's on YouTube. The video is much better representation because what they do is they show you what the river looks like at its widest part, which is enormous.

And then it cuts down into a small area that you can jump across. And it's so much water rolling through such a small area that it creates this intense current and just fucking bizarre right but it's like an optical illusion because it just looks like a stream yeah it looks like nothing flowing yeah meanwhile it's super deep and raging right underneath it and you just can't like the subconscious deep yeah deep a river of cunts but you know i mean that's like in a lot of ways that's what you're dealing with i don't know how we got to that but that's what it was right river of cunts that's what we

were talking about yeah um even for them you know the people that are doing that a lot of times they don't even realize the harm they're doing to themselves in their own psyche by just lashing out of people i went to this guy's page yesterday. He was tweeting at someone I know, like some really negative shit, and I went to his page, and his entire Twitter page was just him shitting on various famous people

and trying to get them to respond to him. I'm like, what a bizarre life. Right. And also, it's got to be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem to be just constantly lashing out at famous people and trying to get them to respond to you. Just trying to insult them. Trying to troll them.

Right. Bizarre. Bizarre. It always makes me wonder, is it young people? Is it like people who are in that phase of life where you're young and you're angry? Some of them. And you just need an outlet. Some of them, yeah.

Some of them, it's older men. Some of it's men. You know, like, have you ever ran into a man who's, like, in his 50s, never had a family, never been married? There's a weirdness to those folks. Yeah. There's a real weirdness to these older, set-in-their-ways guys that never really settled down with anybody.

You'll run into them occasionally, you're like whoa they're like you you you're surviving without a heart like you know what i mean like one one of these people that's you're missing organs or something like that you're missing a critical aspect of what it means to be a person right i noticed um a fair amount of hate that I was getting years ago. I noticed a pattern that I would oftentimes discover. Like I would, you know, I would get some shitty comment and then I would go to the person's page and they had a newborn. And it was like a lot of brand new dads. And that really surprised me that like it's brand new dads who are writing shitty things yeah um and my husband's theory is like yeah because they're not

getting sex so well that's a weird theory i know i think it's more that they're tired i would say well i mean i think his theory yes they're tired and there's been this huge change in their relationship. Or they're just assholes and the baby didn't cure it. You know, the thing that was most overwhelming to me, having a baby was like how compassionate I felt for other people. How I felt like, oh, these other people that are all fucked up are just babies. They were babies that were just exposed to the wrong stimuli, the wrong life, the wrong emotions, the wrong family, the wrong schools. And then

here you are a raging twat at 30. You know, that's a lot of human beings. I mean, we're essentially long running equations. All of our life experiences and interactions calculated to Alison Rose in 2016. I mean, that's really what it is. That's why it's interesting when you sit here and you tell me about your life experience, born in Oakland and moving to Orange County, I got to get out of here. I'm going to ban, but I'm going to leave. Now I'm in New York. And then all these different interactions and different engagements. And then, boom, now you're here.

And you're the sum total of these experiences and your reflections on these experiences. And it's one of the reasons why people that have lived fucked up lives are the most interesting. And people that have these mundane, self-absorbed existences are the most boring. Because they really haven't had the trials and tribulations they really haven't had those moments where they had to question themselves and try to figure out what the fuck they're doing with themselves that when you do that and you you hit those low points and then rebound that's where life's lessons happen i agree and it's kind of weird as a parent because i don't want my kids to face adversity. You know, I want my kids to have a really fun time. But I also know that unless they do, unless they do face disappointment

and some adversity, at least some, they're not going to get a full, full handle on how to manage those waters. You know, when they do fall into the river of cunts, they won't know what to do. waters you know when they do fall into the river of cunts they want know what to do it's like i swim in the river of cunts freely i've been around them for so long now it's just you know you're not gonna fuck with my zen that easy but if i lived an entire entirely sheltered life how much of how much my resilience would i have you know and how much resilience do people have where they don't experience life outside of their very small existence, their very small community, their very small pattern of life experiences. Right. That is that sort of letting my kids go through adversity. That part I know is going to be hard for me because I'm the kind of person where like, if there's someone in the corner that has an it me because I'm the kind of person where like,

if there's someone in the corner that has an itch, I'm like, let me come over and scratch it for you. I don't want you to feel discomfort. Like I'm very tuned into, I mean, are you going to be a helicopter parent? God, I hope not. I don't, I just, older women when they, when they have children later in life, that's when they're most likely to helicopter. There's a lot of helicopter parents in my kid's school i probably will be i want to be the right level of helicopter parent to like keep my kids safe and um happy but not fuck them up with being smothering right that's going to be the challenge for me i think it's tough action it's it interesting. Everybody does it different. And kids come out different.

And then there's also, like, my two kids are so fucking dissimilar. They're so dissimilar. What's the age difference? One of them is almost seven. Or one of them is actually just turned eight, rather. And one of them is almost six. So out of the box, the six-year-old is the one who eats candy and becomes a barbarian she's so much different she's six soon but she's so much different than her sister they're just so different

and they grew up in the same loving household same amount of attention same amount of resources you know obviously slightly different life experiences you know different of course different things, but it's not just that. It's the innate personality. Like they come out of the box different. Well, that's something I wonder. I mean, when you're saying that sitting here, I'm the sum total of everything I've experienced. Yes. But I also think how much is just genetic? It's definitely there too. Yeah. It's also the variabilities. Like there's, it's not just genetics that are variable. It's like those genetics vary, you know, like brothers and sisters are different. Like in some parents,

I wonder what the combination is. Like how much of your husband is going to be in your kid and how much of it's you? And is it a 50-50 split? Right. And how much is that other guy? Yeah. And do your genes just dominate his? Like, you know, have you ever seen like a person who's blonde-haired and blue-eyed and the kid doesn't look anything like him? Like, oh, your genes got dominated by the other genes.

Right. I don't know. It's interesting. My sister, who has the same coloring as i do has a blonde blue-eyed baby and it's so weird her husband is is blonde and blue-eyed but it's like i just i just believed that the the dark genes would dominate and they did not viking genes took over i guess so yeah yeah can happen it's interesting also, not just that, like the genetic variables, which, which are, are, are truly fascinating personality variables, all these different things, but also, um, how they interact with each other, which is going to be so much different than how you interact with them and that watching kids interact with each other and getting annoyed at each other and trying to work that out and watching their own little personality disputes that they have and how they navigate those and little tools they have. Like my youngest one cries at everything.

Everything is like, I can't believe she did that. And she'll like go way overboard and I'm like, settle down, relax. You know, because they figure out like if I cry, I get hugs and someone picks me up. And so that's the move. So anything that goes wrong, I'm just going to start crying. So I'll watch her. She'll do something wrong. Her sister will get pissed at her,

and then she'll run away crying that her sister did something. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. I just watched it. I watched that whole thing go down. That's not how it went down. Yes, it is! And then the cries will get bigger.

So it becomes like you don't want your kid to be a crybaby. down. That's not how it went down. Yes, it is. And then the cries will get bigger. And so it's, it's, it becomes like, you don't want your kid to be a cry baby. You also want your kid to recognize that, you know, exactly when, uh, what went on, but you also want to let them know that it's okay. So that's where I've always gone to the, I did the exact same thing when I was your age. And I think that's a big one, like letting them know. And then, you know, letting it go too. No, no harp on it. Just let it go. All right, come on, give me a hug. Let's go play with some stuff.

Like let it go. Because they learn themselves. They see themselves that things don't work. They see themselves, they got called out on their manipulation. Like, oh, I fucking ran my crying game. I shut down today. But no one's getting mad, you know know so it's not like i'm a terrible person i need to feel awful but that crying game don't work on daddy i like that the idea that the

stakes aren't that high yeah i think i grew up with the feeling at all times um that the stakes were very high yeah and i you know i i have parents who have that uh the stakes are high attitude towards everything where it's like the stakes are very low here. Yes. But they're just very prone to anxiety and prone to overreacting people. It's also those stakes are entirely dependent upon like what's the full extent of the possibilities that things can go right or wrong. Right.

Like what's the worst that could happen? Right. And if it's not a big deal, then so it happens. Just you'll fix it. Right. But it's a perspective issue. If you're living in the Congo, whatever issue came up wouldn't come up at all. I guarantee you there's people that are like trying to find water, don't look at their

nose and go, God, I've got to figure out a way to get out of the congo and get to beverly hills get my fucking nose fixed you keep talking about my nose bullshit i'm not talking about your nose you're talking about my nose nope i'm talking about a congo person's nose you're just making it about you you're talking about my nose and i get what you're saying you're telling me that you think i should get plastic surgery i think think it's... Are you going to leave this? That's what I'm getting from this. I felt like the entire time I was on Joe Rogan's podcast, he was judging my nose, and I don't want to talk about it,

but I don't want to talk about it. So it's like one of those things where I feel like I could say too much or too little simultaneously. On one hand, thank you. Thank you for talking about my nose. But hey, I didn't like the way you talked about my nose. The fucking entire podcast was a thinly veiled slight at my nose. I mean, he asked me questions.

And now I go online and people are tweeting me half-truths about my nose. You know what people are going to do? They're going to subtly Photoshop your nose just slightly bigger. And you're going to look at the picture like, oh my God, do I look like that? And then you're going to go to the bathroom and look at your nose and go, what the fuck? Well, thank you for giving them this bang up idea well i know this guy who photoshops his radio personality and he takes him and he does like these subtle weird things to his face he makes his teeth bigger and he makes him balder and he makes his hands smaller and he makes his shoulders

like more narrow but just slightly well you look at him you go what the fuck is going on with him and this and it drives the radio guy i think probably crazy does he know the guy's doing it though or does he just think that he's becoming disproportional i think he knows okay well some of the pictures the guy's more obvious and some of them he's more subtle but it's the the but the fact that that's not what he really looks like but the fact that someone could take what you look like and make it different but just slightly but just slightly will fuck with you yeah that's weird it's weird you know it's weird that you know your ears aren't too big but if somebody like stretches your ears out just

a little bit and makes them poke out of your hair right what the fuck what's going on my ears like that's the photoshop thing is a weird thing it's weird that people could do that it's also weird that people use it to manipulate their own image right i know a face tuning male comedian who who smooths his skin out and does like a glamour filter on his pictures bad fake as fuck bad. Fake as fuck. It looks bizarre. Like super, and then you see him in real life, you're like, hey,

what the fuck? Right, you have chicken pox since the last time I saw your photos. Did you get in a fight with a fucking salt gun? There's, I think those things,

the ability to manipulate faces and the Photoshop thing and what they do to models, you know, where they thin out their waist and widen their butts. And, you know, have you seen those reality versus the Photoshop images? Yes. It's always overwhelming the amount of stuff that's changed. And then I wish I could remember what I was watching, but it was something where they were showing that they can do this to moving images. So movies, you know, like they showed the real version of the actress in whatever movie versus what you saw on screen. And it was sort of the equivalent of the Photoshopped magazine cover.

Yeah. I mean, we're going to get to a point very soon where actors are unnecessary. Because if you look at some of the incredible CGI that they're able to do now, where they're so close to absolutely recreating a human being. Yeah. They're not going to need actors, maybe voiceover actors to just, and then even that, maybe they'll get to their point where their visual or their audio software can manipulate the human voice in the same way that you could do with music software, where you could use GarageBand

and create songs without knowing any guitars. So actors who are listening, time to start a podcast. It's almost over, bitches. But it's not because you're never going to be able to recreate like a Daniel Day-Lewis. Someone who can go that deep into something. It's almost like until he does it,

you don't know it can be done. His intense commitment to a character is so bizarre. And it's also part of what you love about watching that guy in a movie is that you know that's Daniel Day-Lewis. Doing that first, not first blood, what is it called? There will be blood. There will be blood character. You know that's him. You know that's Daniel Day-Lewis. but you also completely believe he's this fucking guy right that's half of the thrill

it's not just that someone um it does the cirque de soleil you know like look at the guy flip you know that that's a person that had to practice that and they had to get so proficient that they could do something that looks impossible and then do it line by line out of order that's the that's something i was thinking about recently i think my conception of acting is is almost like comes from a theater world where it's like you put on a costume and then you go be a different person for two hours or whatever like a theater movie amalgam um but i shot this pilot recently and you know everything was shot out of order as things are when they're shot and it kind of gave me this insight into like oh part so much of the skill is just your ability to pick it up out of order and act it out even though you know it's just it's so piecemeal yeah well when daniel day lewis did the lincoln movie apparently he was in character as lincoln the entire time talked to people as lincoln everything

he did as lincoln he ate as lincoln went to bed as Lincoln, woke up as Lincoln. That's crazy. It's a little much. I agree. Probably a nutty dude to hang around with. Probably super annoying in that way. Does Christian Bale do that kind of stuff too? You hear stories. In some way. You saw The Machinist. Did you ever see that movie? You never saw that? No, I know I should though. It's on my list. Do you know what he did? He lost a whole bunch of weight, right? He got to death's door. I mean, literally got to death's door. He looked like an Auschwitz victim.

I mean, it's, I don't know how a person allows themselves to do that. There we are. That's not a good image, Jamie. That's not a real image from the movie. That's like a digital recreation. That's him for real. Oh, yeah. I saw.

I seen that picture. What the fuck, man? Ugh. I mean, he got to the point where his body was shriveled away. He had no body fat. And he was dying. He played a guy with severe insomnia that started to have hallucinations and was losing his fucking mind. Really crazy shit.

But someone takes it to that level, but that's like one of the badges of honor when it comes to those types of actors. Right. Like Robert De Niro used to do that. Remember in Raging Bull? Like he got an incredible shape, he got really lean, looked like a boxer,

and then for the end of the movie, got really fat. And he played like Jake LaMotta all swollen and filled with spaghetti but who was it who had that that famous quip who's like why don't you just try acting yeah forget who it was i want to say so let's just say it whether it's true or not yeah but meanwhile would have sir laurence olivier played jake lamont in raging bull would it have sucked would he not be as good i suspect Would it not have been as good?

I suspect it would not have been as good. Probably would not have been. Yeah. I mean, when he played that guy in Cape Fear, to get in the kind of shape that he got in, remember when he was doing those chin-ups? You believe that he was this rage-filled ex-con that was coming to get revenge.

It seems like he approached life that way it wasn't just that he was acting right it's like he had adopted this mindset and had it fully ingrained in into who he was portraying on screen it's why those movies are so good well maybe that is the difference between you know superstarhouse, really compelling acting and just sort of average acting is that they really are living it versus they are acting it out in a moment. Yeah. I mean, you have to take it to the utmost. But that's also why it's so frustrating to watch Robert De Niro in The Intern. Like, Jesus Christ.

Did you see that? No. I watched clips of it on an airplane. I was like, what the fuck am I... I took my headphones off. What the fuck am I watching? Stupid ass movie. This is a guy that was a part of some of the great cinematic

masterpieces. He was in The Godfather. He was in Raging Bull. The list goes on. Taxi Driver. He was in some fucking masterpieces. Meet the Fockers. Wasn't he in was in some fucking masterpieces. Meet the Fockers. Wasn't he in that?

Yeah, probably where it started. He probably realized, like, I don't even have to act. Just remember these stupid words they want me to say and just get some fat money. Huh? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. Well, that's kind of like I feel like Al Pacino Yeah Has just become a caricature Of Al Pacino

Well he has a rant Like claws In every contract Where's my rant He's got a rant In every fucking movie It all started from That devil movie

When he played the devil Remember he had to go On that long ass rant As the devil Come on As if the devil Would have some Verbose bullshit ass rant

Right The devil doesn't need words Yeah Oh but he's good at words. The devil just eat a plate of babies in front of you. He doesn't have to say anything. Yeah, then shit fire. Yeah.

Exactly. I got to get out of here, Alison Rosen. This is fun. Thank you so much. I would love to. And people can get your podcast everywhere, right? Yes. iTunes.com slash Alison Rosen or AlisonRosen.com or everywhere.

Everywhere, fuckers. So wherever you are, Alison Rosen is your best friend. Is your new best friend, but also your best friend. Well, okay. There you go. Thank you. Thank you for having me. My pleasure.

See you next week, you fucks.