The Joe Rogan Experience - #823 - Eleanor Kerrigan

Episode Date: July 11, 2016

Eleanor Kerrigan is a former waitress at The Comedy Store and is now a stand up performing all over the country.

yes eleanor what's up my friend yes so good to see you what's up with you eleanor my long running friend one of my longest running friends in hollywood and how exciting a girl who's now a professional legit professional stand-up comic who i always knew for years as a waitress i always tell everybody this story but but it's true. Eleanor was my go-to person to find out if somebody was a hack. Like someone would say, oh, you've got to check out this person. They're amazing. I'd go, okay, cool.

And then I'd go, Eleanor, did you see blah, blah, blah? She'd be like, pfft, fucking hack. And there was a lot of people that got tricked. Oh, trickery is big in comedy. A lot of people we thought were like, you think they're legit and then you see them a few times and you're like, oh. One trick pony. Something going on here. Yeah, there was a lot of them, I feel like.

And I used to tell my customers, I'd be like, all right, right here, you're going to want to go to the bathroom. You want to stay in there for a while. Well, when you came to the store You were at the store before I was 93 Yeah, I came in 94 So when I was there, you were already there But those were dark years

There was, not the beginning In the beginning, I was still doing three shows in the OR Two shows in the main room Was it like 97, 98? It just kind of, yeah, around there Somewhere around there Yeah, because it got bad. Yeah.

Well, when we first got there, Martin Lawrence was on top. And he would come there all the time and fill the place. Yeah. Sort of like how Louie does now when Louie comes. And Joe Rogan. Yeah, that guy. No, but my first ex-fiancee used to represent Martin Lawrence. Oh, that's right. I have a couple ex-fiances Not a closer guys. Not yet. But you were

You were like you were like receiving like a master class in comedy before you ever did it. Oh my god Yeah, like I would watch them all the time because then when I wasn't at the store I was with my fiance and we'd be at comedy clubs. We were on the road with Chris Rock when he was doing Bring the Paint because Chris was his other client. So it was like watching everybody. That's how I became friends with Sharippa through my first ex-fiance. So we would go to all. He would let us come.

When Sharippa was booking the Riviera. Yeah. And then I would help him book people once in a blue moon and of course they all get banned. Idiots. Isn't it crazy that Sharippa was booking the Riviera? We always knew him as this booking guy who was really fun to hang out with. So fun. He was just such

a great guy. And then all of a sudden he's on the fucking greatest show of all time. I'm like, what? It was so weird for me to watch him on the Sopranos. I like i know how is this possible he's like i might get this part i'm like what and what i mean we were all like freaking out like are you kidding and then he finally told me he goes i finished the paperwork today i'm like oh my god i was freaking out i couldn't wait to see him on the sopranos you know he has the best

fucking spaghetti sauce in the world i know i have to have to try it. It's really good. I still didn't get it. What is it called? Look up Steve Sharippa's sauce. It's like something New York. Which one on Sopranos was he? Was it a younger, clean cut? He's Bobby. Bobby.

Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby.

Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby.

Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby.

Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby.

Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby.

Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. eating good. What do you want from me? He's a fucking character.

Thank God for people like that. There it is. Uncle Steve's. I knew it was something like that. Is it Uncle Steve's Uncle Steve's NY.com Uncle Steve's NY.com He has amazing pasta sauce.

We've known this guy forever easily yeah like i feel like i've known him since the day i got here yeah i've known him forever and he's always been awesome because he did he booked like big clients like that for billy like yeah he introduced me to lichtenberg my business manager has been my business manager forever oh wow he got the stamp of approval from from sharipa he's a good guy he's a good guy he's a good guy he's a real guy he's a real person but we you know we've we've had a chance to see a lot of uh like we got a chance to see richard pryor together yeah remember those did uh for a year i remember i was so nervous i was in the office at the comedy store and i brought him

in water and i was like oh my god it's richard pryor because we used to get punished for listening to his stuff so then i was like i i told him that and he's like that's good and then later on his wife wouldn't let me bring him the toonies he used to call martinis he's like bring me a toonie bring me a toonie so i was like it's richard pratt i'll bring him whatever he wants if he asks for cocaine i'm gonna go find it you know what i mean like it's exciting so uh i brought it to him and she made me change it to water she made me change it i love her i know what she was doing but at the same time it's like dude he's sick let him have his freaking martini you know what i mean and i brought it on stage and he sipped it and he knew it was water and he was like bitch i was like oh my god richard pryor doesn't like me

because of that bitch wife no but yeah i didn't want to get in trouble i didn't know if it was his meds that would counteract you never know why she was doing it but no i hear you i mean ultimately you have to listen to her she's like she she was running yeah so i did it yeah he did it a long time i i had to go on after him a lot oh yeah for a year he did a year he did monday wednesday friday and then it switched down to just wednesday yeah i don't remember how many times i went on after him but i remember i bombed basically every single one of them like i might have got over a couple of times. It was packed. Remember? It was just, it was weird too.

Because he was really ill. Yeah, because Chewie would carry him up. Mm-hmm. Chewie and who else? Fat James. No, was it Fat James? I don't think so. No, I don't think it was Fat James. I don't think it was.

Please. No, it was Marilyn Martinez's husband. Remember? Oh, David. Yeah, yeah, yeah. David used to help him. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Him and Chewy used to help Richard Pryor get to the stage. Yeah. Now I remember. I'm afraid to put my headphones all the way on. Why? Don't think I'm weird. I don't know. I have a paranoia.

You're worried that someone's going to sneak up on you? I don't know what that bear is doing. You sort of blocked his filly. That's that old school filly in you. So I got to leave the one ear out. Do you know Philly has a UFC lightweight champion of the world now? Do you know that? No, I did not know that.

Eddie Alvarez. Oh, wow. He's from Philly? Yep. How come I didn't know that? That stinks. But that's awesome. And how were the fights this weekend?

How was it? Fucking insane. Yeah. The Eddie Alvarez one was probably the most insane. Well, I didn't watch any. Eddie Alvarez was a big underdog. Yes. He fought Rafael Dos Anjos on the internet. It was on the internet. It was, oops. It was only on UFC Fight. Eddie Alvarez was a big underdog. He fell half-heeled Los Angeles on the internet.

It was on the internet. It was only on UFC Fight Pass. And so I don't think a lot of people, I don't know how many people watched the Fight Pass ones, but I don't think, I know it's not as much as Fox. I don't think it's as much as a pay-per-view, but I could be wrong at this point because I know there's millions and millions of people who have Fight Pass now. So I don't know it's as much as a pay-per-view, but I could be wrong at this point. Because I know there's millions and millions of people who have Fight Pass now.

So I don't know the actual numbers. But Fight Pass is awesome. You can watch every fight that's ever taken place. Oh, wow. They have a few world title fights on it now. So that world title fight was a part of the three-day celebration. So it was Rafael Dos Anjos versus Eddie Alvarez for the lightweight title. And then it was Ioana Janjacek and Claudia Gadea on Friday night

for the women's strawweight title. And then there was the big UFC 200. So it was the three nights of insane fights. It's insane. Yeah. I think I came off stage when the girls were fighting and I went to show my friend the bar at the comedy store, you know, the back bar.

And I was like, oh, come in here. And everybody's like, ah, ah. I was like, oh, I forgot. I thought we were doing comedy. Sorry, guys, I'm going to go out. It's just... Yeah. So, but yeah, it was crazy.

It was cool seeing Brock back. He killed it. Dude, Brock Lesnar beat a world... Barack Obama fought? Like, a world-class heavyweight. How dare you? Sorry, I'm just asking a question, guys. Yeah, he beat a world-class heavyweight. How dare you? Sorry, I'm just asking a question, guys. Yeah, he beat a world-class heavyweight.

It's crazy. He beat Mark Hunt. I mean, he fucking legitimately beat Mark Hunt. He avoided getting knocked down on his feet. He took him down like a fucking gorilla. He took him down like nobody can. You watch him take Mark Hunt down. You're like, Jesus, who's stopping that?

How are you stopping that? His horsepower is just so insane. When he gets a holy judge, it's stopping that? How are you stopping that? His horsepower is just so insane. When he gets a holy judge, it's just boom, and he's taking him down. Because Mark Hunt's a difficult guy to take down, and Mark Hunt is all of 265 pounds. He's a big fucking guy. So for Brock to do that to him that way, Jesus Christ, he's ridiculous. I could probably beat him. I could probably beat him.

He'd probably take his ass. What a good example of somebody that doesn't supposedly use steroids too like that guy's a monster his muscles are crazy

and supposedly he got tested right yeah he got tested for this fight he got tested five times wow within like a very

short period of time but let's just be completely honest in the nature of open discourse okay when you look at someone and they're jacked as fucked it could easily be genetics because there are girls that have giant tits for no reason all right like they have like size double e tits and you're like what

in the hell and they're 100 natural and then there's some girls that are just they don't have very large boobs yeah thank you a lot of girls And then there's some girls that are just, they don't have very large boobs. Yeah, thank you. There's a lot of girls besides you. There's a lot of people out there that have this thing going on. Yes, this testosterone. But there's just a giant difference between human shapes, right? Absolutely. And so there are people that are built like that.

My friend Sidley is a buddy of mine from back in Boston. He was jacked and he didn't even lift weights. He's this Jamaican kid that I was friends with. Oh, my God. He was fucking, he was ridiculously yoked. And he barely worked out. I mean, he did, like, kickboxing things and some push-ups, maybe. But he was never lifting weights.

Like, he was just doing martial arts stuff. And he was jacked. My brother Charlie was like that. Always muscly. Up until, like, two years ago, it just changed. Don't tell him i said that oh he'll get pissed you know that little kid doesn't know how to listen to a podcast you know the little kid the little muscle kid that was super ripped when he was a kid have you seen him now no he works at universal studios as in the water world uh exhibit and now he's just normal, kind of has a beer gut now.

Like, he stopped lifting because he said it was boring. Man, well, wasn't that a case of, didn't they allege that his parents had had him on steroids? Yeah. Probably steroids. Oh, that's awful. I know. It's really sad. If that's the same story that I'm thinking about, I think there's been more than one of those.

Like, little yolk dudes. that I'm thinking about. I think there's been more than one of those. Like little yolk dudes. I know there's one little yolk dude that had that genetic disorder that cows have sometimes and those whippet dogs have sometimes. Oh, we had a whippet.

Have you ever seen the whippet dogs that get the double muscle disorder? No. My dog was lazy, but she was a whippet. It's different. I mean, just assume if they have the extra muscle, they'd be more. No, there's this thing that happens to whippets and some cows. It's called a myostatin inhibitor.

And a myostatin inhibitor, apparently, it regulates the amount of muscle tissue you carry around with you. So when these whippets get it, they look like the Hulk. They look fake. They look like a movie. Oh, yeah. I've seen pictures of it. Yeah. Pull up a photo of a whippet myostatin inhibitor dog.

You know how to spell that? Myostatin. But apparently there's a boy in Germany, at least one kid that's confirmed that was born with this disorder. So he's really young, but he's jacked. He's just a fucking super yolk baby. I don but he's jacked. He's just a fucking super yoked baby. I don't mind being jacked.

This is what the dogs look like. Oh, yeah, yeah. Man, look at their face. So sweet. It's really weird. They're usually a very slender dog. Very kangaroo looking. Yeah, yeah.

Dude, kangaroos scare the fuck out of me now. What do you mean now? It's like all of a sudden they started getting jacked. I saw a lot of them in Australia. Kangaroos weren't scare the fuck out of me now. What do you mean now? It's like all of a sudden they started getting jacked. I saw a lot of them in Australia. Kangaroos weren't jacked when I was a kid. Yeah.

When I was a kid. Do you think they lived? Yeah, they definitely lived. They looked all like they were fucking school teachers. Like they were just newspaper reporters or something. A librarian. No. They didn't look like these yoked monsters.

You see the one that's knocking on the window of the person's house? Like, I want to come in. Have you seen that video yet? I would have let him in. This jacked kangaroo. Knocking on the door? Look at them. Come on now.

Look how big that thing is. That's insane. That one up there is big. Look at that. Right there. What in the fuck? What in the fuck is that? That's fake.

No, I'm kidding. I've seen it live. But it's not fake. I know I've seen it live. So what the hell's going on? Do you think they have that extra muscle thing like you said? They're taking dick pills because there's steroids in dick pills. What a fucking bizarre animal that is.

That is amazing. A bouncy mammal that will kick you and try to hurt you and fuck you up. But they're so nice. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, they're not always nice. I would no, no, no, no, no, no No, not always there and feed them my feet. I fed the big guy Me you gotta be really careful on that Is that a real pose? Yes, they say though they say though that if you find them in the wild

You are not supposed to ever in the wild. This was a beating off Is that kangaroo beating off? No. We saw two having sex. Whoa. The video, though, that kind of went around last week, is a kangaroo

seeing its reflection in somebody's window and it's trying to fight it. But the guy's on the other side with the camera and it's just this jacked kangaroo punching the window.

It's scary as fuck. Oh my God, is there a video? Oh yeah, it's one of the coolest videos. It came out last week. If you just type in kangaroo window. Fist fighting like punching the window. Like, it's scary as fuck. Oh my God, is there a video? Oh yeah, it's one of the coolest videos. It came out last week. If you just type in kangaroo window. Fist fighting himself in a window.

Fuckers, man. Shadowboxing a window. That's a weird animal. I love them. I think they're great. But it's so weird what it does. Like the way it acts, it sits on its tail. And it's bouncing around these legs.

And then it's got this jacked upper body. They were, there was like were they get spooked easy too like this one big one was trying to have sex I'm going to say it wasn't sex it was definitely rape but it was like he was pulling her back and she was trying to get away but there was this the reason she was trying to get away is because there was like a weird

wind come then when it came they all scattered then they went under the tree and then they got into it and I was like oh maybe she just wants some privacy. Or it was really interesting how they had to sneak out. But she was scared. And then as soon as this weird thing came, it was like a wind. They all went scattered and then they got back into it. It was exciting. I like kangaroos. Yeah. This is it. This is so scary. So it's knock on the door.

That one's not too jacked. Boy, it's creepy, though. Yeah, but look at his claws. Oh, my God. Watch this. And he starts getting pissed. Don't you scratch my window. Don't you scratch my window.

This is not the right video, maybe. I guess it is. Yeah, because it's a mirror. Ew. Oh, my God. He, because he's a mirror. Ew. Oh my God, he's throwing himself at the window. Fuck, man. He's trying to

chest bump himself. Oh. Oh. Aw. He's trying to fight what he sees as a reflection in the window.

Whoa. Can you imagine having that at your house? Dude, that is a creepy animal. Now, they're beautiful, but they don't eat meat, right? Those are herbivores, aren't they?

You got me. They let us feed them some weird shit. What was it like? He's getting his protein sun. Vegetables? Yeah, right? It smelled terrible, and it looked like little pills, pellet things. Well, you know, gorillas don't eat meat.

Really? Yeah, they eat just grasses. Yeah, they're 100% vegetarian. It's why they're so gentle. Oh. Wow. Kangaroos are herbivores. They eat grasses, flowers, leaves, ferns, moss, and even insects.

Interesting. Like cows, kangaroos regurgitate their food and re-chew it before it's ready to be totally digested. Juvenile kangaroo reviews the outside world from the pouch of an adult female. All right, now they've seen a little. Eddie Ift got, he got fucking chased by one in Australia. He told the story of- Really?

He thought it was fake because it was so big. Because it was like a fucking seven foot kangaroo. He thought it was fake. And he got out of the car and he was with a bunch of Australians and he starts walking towards it. Yeah. And his friend go, mate, stop.

And his friend stopped him and he's like, get back in the fucking car. And you know, is that a bad Australian accent? It's pretty bad, right? Get in the car. Get back in the car, mate.

So the dude ran back, Eddie ran back to the car. And apparently this fucking kangaroo was going to go after him. Like this giant kangaroo is like, if you go too close to them, if they think you're a threat. And they've probably been fucked with by people. I wouldn't go too close. Unless they were in a, like, captivity, like where I went to see them. Is this chasing a golf court?

Yeah, it's chasing after golfers on a golf course. Jurassic Park. Yeah, I would never do that. Here's my point. That's frightening to me. If that thing ate meat, we'd be fucksville. Can you imagine if there was a bunch of them and they ate meat? They were predators bouncing.

We'd kill them. We'd have to kill them, right? We'd have to kill them. But they still want to fight you. Is that why they chase you? They just are like, oh, I feel like fighting tonight. I'm all jacked up. UFC kangaroos.

Now that would be killer. Why don't they eat me? Is it just their preference? Do they ever cross the line and go, you know what? I'm just going to eat this bird right now because I'm hungry. Maybe it doesn't taste right to them. Well, kangaroos, I don't know if they eat birds, but cows do. Cows eat birds when they find them.

If they find them on the ground, they eat nesting birds. They eat birds that fall out of nests, that fall on the ground. My brother's dog had a dead bird in his mouth when we were home a couple weeks ago. See, that's normal though, right? With dogs. Like I was at these people's house in Montana and they had this cat. This fucking cat had a graveyard in front of his house. Oh yeah. They bring

monsters. This cat had brought in like two or three birds like that day. There was dead birds and there was little tiny sparrows and shit. There's two barnyard cats that are just wandering around jacking things. Are you a cat guy? I love cats. I love dogs too though. Yeah, that's right.

I love them all. I don't know if I could do cats. They're too sneaky. They're just getting by. This cow's eating a fucking bird. It chases after them too, man. It's not just simply that it ate it by accident. There's one of them where these other birds are dive bombing on his head.

On her head, I should say. It's a girl. Okay. And as they're dive bombing on her head, she's just slowly but surely chasing after this little bird that fell on the ground. And then she winds up jacking it in front of its loved ones. Whole family. Like, enjoy that. That's what they do to me.

You know know bulls only eat grass too and bulls like a bull but bulls are super fucking crazy aggressive like think of that

they gotta put some shit on the grass don't you think nah they've always been crazy that's why people would ride bulls cause you have to be

an asshole somebody just died some famous bull rider or bull guy just died a matador right have you seen the new things where they put the the big the balls around them Somebody just died. Some famous bull rider or bull guy just died. A matador, right? Have you seen the new things where they put the big balls around them and they run around and let bulls like... What the fuck, dude?

Well, the matadors don't ride them, right? They just taunt them. No, no, no. He's talking about something totally different. There's a new... There's something that people are doing now. I don't know if you've seen it. They get into like a ball.

Yeah. You climb into a ball. Oh, yeah. And you like bounce into each other and you can sort of run and collide into each other. It's awesome. Have you done it? No, no, no.

That's great. But they're doing it with bulls. Okay, that's a little stupid. Do you know how crazy that is? Yeah. Because can't they poke a hole in it? No. No, I can't.

I guess they can't. They have like the kind of horns that have been, that poking part is a shame. You know, you put those rubber tips on the end of them. You gotta put like a little, a little super ball at the end of each one. ball on it fuck man no because we they have um

what's that place with the trampolines yeah let's see these people they get these balls see that to me seems like you're gonna blow your fucking acl out that bull's gonna clip you low it could still hit you in the dick oh Oh, my God. These people are crazy. No, it can't. It's covered. These people are crazy. What is happening here? Oh, my God. I can't believe they're going to do this. Okay. Okay.

So they're standing out here. I got to see these comments. And they all have these balls on, and then they just release the bull, and it's just running around, kicking. Is there more than one bull? Oh, Jesus. Boom. It collides.

Oh, fuck. Right in the dick. Oh, my God. You could than one bull? Oh, Jesus. Boom. He collides. Oh, fuck that, dude. Oh, my God. You could get trampled. This is crazy. This is a terrible idea. Look at that guy. He's like, oh, my God. He's running away.

I mean, he's still running, which is amazing. Well, he's lucky he's alive. He's certainly lucky that he didn't get gored through the asshole. That bull could have easily... For people listening, this ball is small It's from the waist up his entire legs are Exposed they should have had it so they're all you're in the ball completely Oh my god, he got hit in the midsection. Oh my god. Oh my god. This is terrible. Oh

my god, this is See it got deflated a little oh my god it The horns are out. See, it got deflated a little. Oh my God. It did get deflated. Oh, for sure it got deflated. Jesus. It got bent too. And I think the guy's dead.

He's not moving. Oh yeah. Those are hard to get in and out of. They are hard to get in and out of. Yeah, they're like, senor. I'm serious. Senor, it's time to go. Senor, you've got to wake up.

I hope as soon as he gets up, the bull comes back. Oh my God, he took the fucking, he took the thing off. He doesn't even have it on. Yeah. And the bull's wake up. As soon as he gets up, the bull comes back. He took the thing off. He doesn't even have it on. And the bull's out there. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I would... You can play that game in that little trampoline thing. That's the only place to do it. What the fuck is it that we love

this? Part of us... Here, honestly... We're watching something fucking ridiculous. We're watching it from the point of like, we're like, oh, man, this is crazy. I can't believe they do this. Look at him midair. Oh, shit. Come on.

What is this? Like, why are we so attracted to this? Okay. It is weird that we're attracted to it. But think of a guy midair with his legs spread eagle, and he's about to land on a bull. Do you know what I mean? Like, what's going through his head? We're watching.

He's a little slower than we are, don't you think? Yeah, well, he probably felt like if it's a thing, it's okay. I could do this. Yeah, well, people feel like if it's a thing. You know what I'm saying? Like, if there's a thing that people do, and you're like, oh, other people do it. I could do it. It's a thing. people do, and you're like, oh, other people do it. I could do it. It's a thing.

He survived it. He might be the first group. Oh, yeah, right. He might be one of the first tasters. Yeah, what if they were like, oh, we're testing something out. Can you come test this out for us? Would you be our guinea pig? Yeah.

Would you do it? Fuck that. No. I mean, which is ironic, because I hosted Fear Factor. But no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with anything like that. That's crazy mean, which is ironic because I hosted Fear Factor. But no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with anything like that. That's crazy. It needs to be bigger.

It needs to be where you're inside the ball and it needs to be like a stronger material and then it would be okay. I mean, it's pretty strong material, but still, there's bull horns coming at you. Here's the problem with that. Here's how I see it. People, I think, vastly overestimate their ability to move their body. Oh, yeah vastly and they think when that Bulls come on I'll just fucking go with it and I'll just fucking you know, it's me. It's not gonna be like it hits you I'll fake them out. I'm gonna know I'm in the backfield. Yeah, all right that bull comes on you so fast. Yeah

It's a bad quote right there Yeah. That's a bad quote right there. I got a little excited. I don't know about anybody else. I bet you did. I'm thinking I'm going to get in this bullfight. When you see that bull launch that dude into the air, I guarantee you that guy at that moment when he was flying was like,

oh, no, I fucked up. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is not what I felt like. This is way crazier. This was not in the brochure. You can't control this thing. You can't control this what I felt like. This is way crazier. This was not in the brochure. You can't control this thing. You can't control this. I would die.

That guy probably didn't think before or after or during. He's probably just a dumbass. That's what I'm saying. They're all dumbasses. He's probably one of those I don't give a fuck dudes. Hey, man, I don't give a fuck. I'm crazy. I got this.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll climb inside that thing. Let that bull hit me. I don't give a fuck. You can shoot an apple off my head, dude. I ain't scared to die. My granddaddy was an Indian. 100% Apache, bro.

I got that warrior blood. I don't give a fuck. I'm afraid of this. What I gotta do? What I gotta do? Shit, I'll be the first in line. First in line. You can see the brain slipping out of their skull.

Bad knees. Fucked up. Farmer's back. I don't give a fuck. It's in there. There's a lot of those dudes. Bad knees, fucked up, farmer's back. I don't give a fuck. It's in there. If it was a Fear Factor thing, I would do it. Just for the money? Like, Fear Factor, I would only do the stunts.

I couldn't do the food. I mean, I could barely eat in a regular restaurant. You could have got lucky. Some people got... There was no parody, like, as far as, like, how difficult things were. On some shows, there were... I mean, it was always totally random what you had to eat,

but some of it was easy. Roaches are easy. No, no. I'm telling you, roaches barely taste like anything. Dude, I don't eat mayonnaise. I'm the worst. You know what I mean?

I can't. I'm so picky. There's a jizz joke in there somewhere. I'm just thinking of that bowl. Yeah. Comes on you and boom. It's like mayonnaise. Here we are, full circle.

I'm telling you, but it's all in your head because if you eat crabs, you're eating the same thing. I don't eat seafood. They're like a crab. Oh. You don't eat seafood at all? No. That's what I'm saying. I'm the worst.

Like fear factor to me is anything. Like I eat Swedish fish. Yeah, but if you really needed the money and you were there and you looked at the other people you're with and you're like, I'm not going to let these pussies beat me. I'm very competitive. Yeah, I'm a little competitive, but not, I don't know if I could be that competitive. Like letting everybody see me shit my pants right there. Cause it would probably go right through me. That's what I'm afraid of.

Like I would throw up or something awful do you think you have an allergy to weird foods or is it just you're no i think i'm just a little retarded just okay yeah i know i'm not allowed to say that word sorry anyway uh here this is a retard free zone yeah i got yelled at on facebook oh okay let people do that yeah people are angry Let's just go outside. Like literally sent me a list of words to say other than that. How crazy is that? How about no? No. So whatever.

So now I just make fun of it. Language police. They're out there and they're going to pull you over and give you a ticket and they feel really good about it. I don't like what you're saying. I don't like how you're saying it. The language police. Intent is not as critical as the actual words that come out of your mouth, sweetie.

The language police, I will punch in the face. That kind. You'll hit them? Yeah. Physically? Language police. Not a regular police. I don't do that. I'm not crazy.

You're pro cop. I'm pro everybody. I think everybody should learn to behave. But if a language that they're misbehaving to me the language police so they get punched in the face Whoa, maybe I am a little violent. I apologize very well. I love the punch. I do love to punch Isn't that always punching people you're like one of those? My house it's an insane asylum if there was ten of us in a row home So I have six brothers. I woke up every day to a punch in the face you know

other stuff whatever dick to the face that's a lot of tolerance you grew up with like a lot of tolerance for bullshit yeah so your patience your thins you know i mean your skin gets thin i can't talk thick thick skinned yeah well if you have like i have one niece that was a little thin skinned and then my brothers just beat that out of her. Poor thing. She didn't know what she was getting into. We were like, oh, are you sensitive? Come over here for a second.

That's hilarious. And then now she's cool. Now she's like, oh, I get it. Oh, okay. But it's stupid to be sensitive. Well, how much could your parents even control you? There's so many of you. Especially because my parents split up so

so when i was like eight they split up so it was like oh shit it's on now like wow they can't catch me now but that wasn't true because my dad's a marine and he only moved like five blocks away so and he knew every cop in the neighborhood so if i if i did anything he knew the next day so or he'd see me. He'd be out and see me. And I'd be like, oh, shit. But I was afraid of my dad. Like, are you guys?

I'm still afraid of my dad. He's 80. Every once in a while, I'll be like, hey, dad, you shouldn't do that. But I still backed him. He's crazy. Like, even today, you couldn't get upset at him and talk to him person to person? Hell no. I had a fight with him

I talked to him. I call him because I use him for material You know, he just gives gems, you know what I mean? Like now he lives in Rehoboth Beach. He's retired. It's in Delaware And it's um, it's a predominantly gay area. Hello My dad's a marine like covered in tattoos. He still wears his dog dog tags that's what they like to jerk off to yes he did not know that now he like knows that and he also he refers to lesbians as girl faggots i'm like that that's not what they are and then i'm like they're lesbians and he's like i don't care where they're from the. The UFC has an openly gay women's band and weight champion. Oh my God, that's awesome.

Yeah, she's a beast too. I would say, the UFC, one thing I love about them is that the women are just as good. Amanda Nunes is badass. Yes.

She's the new champ. She knocked out Misha Tate. She stopped her in the first round. It was flawless. I only saw the highlights, but great fight. She's awesome. She's awesome.

She's so fast. She's like lightning fast. Her hands are so explosive. She's awesome. She's awesome. She's so fast. She's like lightning fast. Her hands are so explosive. She's so hard to get to. She's one of those girls that she's like a sprinter. And in the third and fourth and fifth round, that's when she's going to have a hard time because she blows out so much. But she takes people out. She's very, very good from standing and on the ground as well.

Her jiu-jitsu is really good. But she's very very good like from uh standing and on the ground as well her jiu-jitsu is really good but she's so explosive the only worry or concern that people have is that i wonder if she can sustain that level but to fight like that with anybody though she's incredible but i mean it's really it's really interesting because she has had fights where she kind of faded in the past but but you've got to get through that storm that she brings. And she's so explosive. It's between her and, I mean, I don't think anybody moves quite as fast as her or hits quite as hard as her in that division. There might be girls like Holly Holm that might be a little bit more skillful as a striker

or much more experienced as a striker, but very few people hit with the kind of pop that she's got. It's something to watch. Yeah. Woo! Holly Holm is great, too. She's awesome.

Just watching her. And Rhonda's my favorite from the get. Like, I wish they had that when I was a kid. I think we talked about that before. Like, I definitely would have gotten into that as a kid. I know you would have. Easily. Because I wouldn't have gotten arrested as much.

So it's, like, easier that way. If there's another woman's bantamweight that doesn't get enough credit uh raquel pennington oh you've seen her fight she's good no i'm trying to scan my brain you know probably if i see her face i'm like oh i saw this ferocious so very very skillful she's like on the outside of the the very top she but she's But she's beaten some really tough people. I watch and I get jealous. I'm like, I want to get in there. Holly Holm and her fought in Holly Holm's UFC debut. And it was a split decision.

Yeah. Really close fight. She's very good. And better now than she was then. And that she wears a shirt that says Rocky. Killer. She's totally badass. shirt that says rocky killer she's got this one submission victory um where uh she catches this girl ashley evan smith in a bulldog choke and chokes her unconscious with like one second to go in the first round she lets go of her neck and she's out cold in this puddle of blood it was it was one of those when

you're doing commentary you're like wow it was it was a screamer it was so ridiculous but um women's uh bantamweight division is filled with fucking killers now there's so many good fighters it's like they're trading titles and they're the main events which i love i love that that's a big big deal women's sports you know they don't well it's definitely a big deal for the biggest pay-per-view ever. I mean, obviously, it wasn't going to be if Jon Jones didn't test positive for something. Right, I get it. But because he did. It switched around.

Yeah. Is he admitting to it yet? Is he saying what he did? No, no, he's not. He's not saying anything. Chael P. Sonnen leaked the information during my last podcast. So it's out. I was going to say. Chael has leaked out information.

Is it what he said to me out there? I know nothing. I didn't hear anything. I wasn't even here. I don't know what you're talking about. Honestly, I'm in a weird position because I don't think anybody's supposed to be talking about the medical results until it gets released.

I don't know how it works. I really don't. I'm going to plead ignorance. I'll plead ignorance all day. It's my middle name, I think. He probably took boner pills because they have all that shit in them. Boner pills have steroids in them. Why do you have a boner pill in your hand? What's happening right now? Because I just found

Joe's gas station over here. It has the best... I've never seen these rhinoceroses. Brian is known for his love of the boner pill. He is what you would call a boner pill connoisseur. He's actually read blogs about boner pills and directed me to reviews of boner pills. I'm like terrified. But they, I mean,

these things have steroids in them. They have a bunch of stuff. And if you party, wasn't the last thing he got busted for cocaine or something. If you bust, if you do cocaine, a lot of guys take these because you party, wasn't the last thing he got busted for cocaine or something? If you do cocaine, a lot of guys take these because you can get hard off of having cocaine. And so if he takes

boner pills, then he's going to be tested for steroids. I think this is a little too much speculation for a person who I deeply respect. And I'm going to have to step out of this conversation. Are you going to take the boner pill now? Neither confirm nor deny. Can I switch seats? It's not like he turns into a werewolf.

It'd be hilarious if he just starts chasing us around the room. Do you want me to take one? He just lays his dick out on the table. Oh my God, what would happen? That one has a hologram. Four inch clitoris. I don't need this. That one has a hologram of a rhino and you turn it and it turns into a butt.

A woman's butt. Oh, interesting. Now. And this is at the gas station? How do you know what are the good ones and is at the gas station? How do you know what are the good ones and what are the bad ones? How do you know what to take?

I've come to the conclusion that if it has a rhinoceros on it, it works. And the great thing, if you're lucky and you've lived in New York City, New York City has these bodegas everywhere.

They all have them and they have older product, which is usually stronger because... Oh, yes. Because people die. They haven't gotten in there. Because people have died from them or they... Like like you're gonna have a giant hard-on cock but not okay we keep talking about this but we need to

fucking run a test here and find out what I'm not gonna take it but what I'm thinking about doing is taking it to a laboratory oh there you find out what's in it but I don't want the fucking Chinese triad to be after me like some shitty Mickey Rourke move not shouldn't even say shitty the good one you're the dragon that was a great movie yeah just trying I was going for comic effect I had to check myself in reality there you go but I just I mean I don't I'm listen I'm pro Rhino right you want to saw these things good if they work they're great just don't take it the the black cat ones or any of the cat ones because those ones actually

made me see visuals and stuff. Are you serious? It's so loose and agenda. I think it's like blood pressure or something. Maybe it's all fucked up. So don't take those because that fucks with your blood pressure. Pretty hardcore. Yeah.

Don't. Okay. Don't take risks. If he tells you don't take it, don't take it, folks. Trust me. I don't care where you think your tolerances lie. If you think you have the same tolerances as Red Band, you're incorrect. He's got you.

But do they get you high? They make you kind of rage. Well, the ones that have the steroids in them, which I've found, I think most of them have steroids in them. You could tell the difference with those because you immediately want to fuck. You're not only getting hard, you're like, I need to get laid right now. That's like Molly. I know you directed me to a website.

FDA.gov. But one of them that was explaining all the different ingredients that were in these things that a guy broke it down and what they do to you. Oh yeah, there's a few of those, but unfortunately that guy doesn't, he's only talking about what's on the back like what they're saying that's in it.

Oh, he didn't test it? I thought he tested it. Let's see if anybody's ever actually tested what is in boner pills. FDA has. FDA tells you everything that's in all of them. You can even look up rhino and you see some older ones on there and they're usually steroids and it's usually

generic Viagra oh okay so the fda has a list of what they called them right the names but how what's to stop you from just starting to sell something called rhino 10 like this is rhino 7. like you don't have i bet they don't own rhino no the same company actually has like the rhino uh brand the one that you're holding right now has i've got all the way up to Rhino 69. And I have about 20 different Rhinos. So they just change the number every time they get in trouble to a different one. Look at this.

Public notification. My Steel Woody contains hidden drug ingredient. The Food and Drug Administration is advising consumers not to purchase or use MySteelWoody, a product promoted and sold for sexual enhancement on various websites, including blah, blah, blah, and possibly some retail stores. The FBI laboratory analysis confirmed that MySteelWoody contains selenofal. Oh, that's Viagra. Yeah. Okay. It's the – how do you say that word?

Sildenafil. Sildenafil. Yeah. Okay. It says it's the, how do you say that word? Sildenafil. Sildenafil. Yeah. Is that it? Sildenafil. I'm just going to trust you on that. It's the active ingredient in Viagra. Right.

The main ingredient in Viagra. Used to treat erectile dysfunction. The undeclared ingredient may interact with nitrates found in some prescription drugs such as, oh yeah. So that's like for people who have heart issues, when they take like blood pressure medication, if they're taking Viagra at the same time, they could fucking croak. Or if you have diabetes, don't take it

because these things will fuck you up. So these My Steel Woody guys, these croak fuckers, oh my god, hold up, scroll all the way up, go back to the top. Hold on a second. The public notifications of how many drugs contain, or how many of these supplements contained drugs. This is insane.

So public notification. Rhino 7. Hold on a second. Sextra contains hidden drug ingredients. Neophase, natural sex enhancer, contains a hidden drug ingredient. There's like a list over and over and over and over. There's so many of them. Rhino 7.

Yeah, there's Rhino 7. Hold on. Scroll back up. Rhino 7. Yeah, there's Rhino 7. Hold on. Scroll back up. Rhino 7. Rhino 7, blue 9,000. Look, there's Rhino 7, blue. 9,000? I don't know.

7. They just changed the number. 5,200. Well, look, it's right there. What's the batch? That's your thing. What's the new name? No headache.

John Jones has a headache. Why does it say no headache? Oh, Brian, you're so rude. Jesus. I can't believe oh Brian you're so rude Jesus I can't believe you you're so rude I wonder if John Jones if he did take these

if he could sue Rhino say bullshit I got a headache from it you say no headache yeah right that's true I mean the word is bond

right millions of dollars if it's written on the front of the package isn't word is bond yes I mean that holds true this is wow I don't know who knows this is crazy Written on the front of the package? Isn't word is bond? Yes. I mean, that holds true.

This is, wow. I don't know. Who knows? This is crazy. I can't believe that. I just don't understand. If someone was going to take something like that, why wouldn't you take, why wouldn't you just take Viagra if you knew what's in Viagra? Like, if you're going to get Viagra, you're going to get it.

Do you have to get a prescription for that? I'll tell you what, man. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. I mean, you can get it on the street. You can get anything on the street, but I mean... At shows now, a lot of guys give me Viagra. That's like like, hey Brian, instead of giving me weed, they'll just give me, I got you some Viagra. But

I try it now, it's not even close. It's not even close to the... It's not even close though. Like this, this little store-bought Rhino 7, way better than a Viagra or any of the Cialis So it's what you think is probably like steroids and maybe like amphetamines or something. It's swole. It swells up It's a good source.

I'm like, wow, did you get bit by something? I could sell it to Uncle Steve. Will you take one of these? Will you take one of these home and take one of these? Yeah, that doesn't seem like a good idea. Why would you want to take? I don't know what the fuck is in those things, dude. I'm not into taking something, some mystery drug. Well, you just saw the list of everything that's in it.

They made that shit on an island somewhere in the South Pacific. They have slaves churning those out. I mean, who knows what the difference is batch to batch. There's no quality control. This is the wild west. You're putting shit in your body. Are you really good at everything you put in your body? You know what it is

and what goes into it? As much as you can, but if you eat at restaurants, you don't really know. No, you're right. I'm the worst. Do you eat everything? No. You eat nothing? I don't eat anything, but I eat shitty food. I'm the worst. Do you eat everything? No. You eat nothing? I don't eat anything, but I eat shitty food. I mean, like, eat whatever you want. You want to say everything.

I know you don't eat seafood at all, right? Yes. No, I don't like seafood. But you eat, like, a monster. But you have a great metabolism. You've always had a crazy metabolism. True, but I like candy. Like, I'd eat Swedish fish and think, oh, I had fish for dinner.

You know what I mean? Like, I love candy, stuff like that. You okay? Cake, cookies. Well, I'm not. I took a boner pill. You feel like I had fish for dinner. You know what I mean? Like, I love candy, stuff like that. You okay? Cake, cookies. Well, I'm not. You ate the fish and you feel like you had fish for dinner? If you did take one of those, I wonder, that's what we should be wondering. Well, I'll tell you what happens.

Oh, put it in me? Yeah. Shit. Wait a minute. That came out wrong. So somebody gave me a Viagra or a Cialis, the blue one. I think that's a Viagra. Right.

And I didn't want to take it, so I put it in my Zantac's container. Zantac is for heartburn. Oh, yeah. Zantac. No, Zantac. Zantac. I was like, you know, I don't want to fly with this pill in my pocket, so I'm just putting my Zantac.

Forgot I did that. My girlfriend took it by mistake thinking it was a Zantac. And she said that she felt weird, like it felt tingly and stuff like that, but it didn't do anything. Does it look like a Zantac? It looks like a Zantac, yeah. Imagine if she went to work and got pot for steroids. You know, if she had a job at UPS or something like that. Ma'am, we're going to have to get your urine sample.

Well, you're wasting your time here. I didn't even smoke pot. Your pants are swelling up. Whoa. They get it back. Your employees on fucking hardcore steroids. This bitch is tweaking. That's terrible.

She had a horse's foot. A horse's foot? She said it was kind of tingly. Not a moose knuckle, but a horse's foot. Really? It got bigger. It was going like this. Moose knuckle is a weird

that's a good one that is a silly that's a funny thing to say yeah you know it's like if you don't if you don't think that moose knuckle is funny

it's because you're avoiding humor I agree you're avoiding opportunities to laugh I'm not a good person at heart you really aren't you should check yourself all the way through out of all the animals

important moose I mean how many animals. Porn moose. I mean, how many people actually see a moose knuckle? I know what that looks like. We had to have photos before it became a moose knuckle. Because it's not like that many people see a moose. I just think men are. There it is. That's a moose knuckle.

That's a total moose knuckle. That's a guy. That is a guy only on paper. Only on paper. You're right. But think about it. Like before photographs. Trouble using the restroom.

Like I bet they would never call it moose knuckle in the 1800s because they didn't have any pictures. They had to see a moose. You had to see a photo of a moose. Women weren't allowed to wear pants, I think. That's true. That too. But like for the longest time. So that's like an expression that we can prove.

Like did not exist before. Because if you like lived in New York in like 1830 and you said, oh, so you're moose knuckle, they'd be like, what the fuck does a moose knuckle look like? He's from the future. They don't even know, they don't have a photo. They just look at a drawing. I wonder what they used to call it, like a slave foot or dragon nose?

Or maybe you could just see a moose walking around because they weren't held up back then. Yeah, but I don't think there were that many that you would see them if you lived just see a moose walking around because they weren't held up back then. Yeah, but I don't think there were that many that you would see them if you lived in a city. If you lived in Maine, you're like, oh, he's just walking through. It's my neighbor. But how many moose, though? See, it's not native to that much. It doesn't have a large range in North America.

It's got the northern states. You're right, yeah. Colorado, Maine has moose, New Hampshire. Maine, I remember seeing a sign, watch out for the moose because they walk out. They're real tall or something. They're huge. Your car could hit them or something. Yeah.

I was terrified. It was the creepiest, longest drive I've ever done. Well, they're scary because you die when you hit one of those. That's, yeah. Those things kill people. But then deer too. Deer just dart out now anywhere. Deer kill 200 people a year in car

accidents in just the united states yeah there was a ton i saw in jersey just a couple weeks ago oh yeah jersey's infested i didn't i didn't see deer i just saw the signs like but there was more than i've ever seen yeah they're everywhere everybody was talking about hitting deers and i'm like what and people, it's because our predators. You've gotten rid of all the predators. Oh, yeah. Well, let's just let some fucking hyenas and mountain lions loose. Yeah.

Bring them back. Then you've got hyenas and mountain lions around your kids, you fucking wackadoo. People are crazy. They're crazy. I can't. I mean, I love crazy, but at the same time, they're going a little too far with the crazy these days. Well, don't you think like as a comedian, like you are

We need them? No. I mean, it's funny. It's fun sometimes because it's something to push back against. Yeah. Because some of them are just so ridiculous. It's so regressive. It's crazy. Trying to control people. You're not like an openly tolerant person is someone who wants to communicate the difference

between their ideas and your ideas. Yeah. That's not what's going on. And I mean, like, I joke about my dad. He's the most un-PC person there is. I mean, I know there's a lot, but he's at the top, I think. He's pretty bad. There's guys from that generation.

Yeah, but my nieces and nephews, the young ones, they yell at him, Pop-pop, you can't talk like that. You know, Pop-pop, you can't say that. He's like, what the hell is this kid talking about? You know, my dad has, like, weapons everywhere. He's crazy. It's, like, insane. Like, people are like, oh, my God, gun violence.

I literally went home. I was working on the East Coast, right, my God, gun violence. I literally went home. I was working on the East Coast, right? And I went to a funeral. My dad's brother, my Uncle Tom, his girlfriend died, 88 years old. He's still, what I'm saying, has taken rhino pills, obviously. So whatever. So there was a funeral.

And then we went to his house. And he's this tough, tough man, like a real man. Like he built bridges. That's what he did with his life you know he was a marine for years and he stood up to like look out the window and his belt buckle was dangling and it said nra and i was like oh jesus christ i forgot where i was from for a minute like i these are the people that i grew up around like i didn't it never fazed me that but we were always taught like you know you don't touch that you don't do this but my dad had grenades in the typewriter store like i don't know what we need these for dad but like if somebody are you seeing things that we're not what is happening in here but he was like that

i mean my brothers of course we would get into it classic that description is my dad had grenades at his typewriter store you're dealing god, you're dealing with madness. Full blown madness. First of all, any dude with a typewriter store should be watched. All day. And any guy, ladies, please do me a favor. If you go over a guy's house and he says that he's a

poet and he's got a typewriter, run. Just get out of there. Run or call me and I can fix the typewriter. Especially if it's one of those old school typewriters. If that guy writes all his stuff in an old school. That's called manual. Yeah. Please don't fuck that guy, girls.

Just make him change. I called my dad three days ago and I said, what are you doing? He said, fixing a typewriter. I go, will you please stop this? I thought he was kidding. But here the neighbor still types letters out. And something broke. And my dad had to clean it up for him.

And he goes, I had to re-spool the ribbon. And then I started having flashbacks. I'm like, why do I know how to re-spool ribbon? Why wasn't I educated properly in life? You know what I mean? Like, that's it. All I know is typewriters. I could fix your typewriter.

I could do it. That thing is crazy to me. That laptop, I don't know what that is. Remember when you had to erase something? You had I could do it. That thing is crazy to me. That laptop? I don't know what that is. Remember when you had to erase something? You had like the little white thing that you had to put in. Instead of just hitting delete. We used to sell those. $1.99. We used to have to paint over it.

And then you would back up. Yeah. Go all way back. Mess it up. My dad types with one finger. I would have never learned how to type if it wasn't for video games. I learned how to type. never learned how to type if it wasn't for video games. I learned how to type. I learned how to type 100% so I could talk to people quicker. That's a good angle.

When I was playing Quake. That's how I learned how to type. 100%. Wow. That's a good angle for people. You don't need typing now. We had typing in high school because especially women,

they're like, yeah, learn to type. You're not going to do anything else. I used to write all my stuff out long hand until i started playing video games and when i started video games also when i started writing blogs i didn't because i started like working on figuring out how to type and i got one of those mavis bacon things you ever do that it's like a game it's never got into video games at all no no but maybe it's maybe it's bacon teaches typing oh i see so it's a typing program but it's a video and i still don't know it and i grew up in I've never got into video games at all. No, no, but Mavis Bacon teaches typing. Oh, I see.

So it's a typing program, but it's a video game. And I still don't know it. I grew up in a typewriter store. Well, it's probably only for videos. Or only for computers. But it's awesome. It's like really a great way to learn. Because the things show up, and you're supposed to keep your hands in the position, the perfect position.

Home keys. Yeah, and then when the little things are moving across, it's like you have to try to keep up with what's being typed and you have to follow it underneath and there's like games you play and i feel like i sound like a spokesperson i like this yeah you are that's how i learned to type i learned to type doing that can you do it without looking like are you that good oh yeah my mom's that person but i don't do it totally correct you know i probably had a hurt finger when i, so I lift up one of them or something. I think I use, like, four on one side and three on the other side. Yeah, there's definitely, like, an odd...

I remember they used to yell, like, in typing class, like, do you use your pinkies? These bitches are not cooperative. Yeah, they don't work the way you think. No, they don't work that way. You're like, go, go, and it's not going. You're like, ah, fuck it, and you use the other finger. Yeah, my pinkies are so uncooperative. It's like little toes.

But these fingers, like, I got it, I got it, I got it. Just give it to me, stupid. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. My pinky's like, I got it, bitch. Why are you being such an asshole? Like, look at the difference. It's like, fuck it, dude.

I can fucking do it, dude. I can fucking totally do it. Don't tell me I can't do it dude I can do it just as good as you Stupid Look at me Look at me you fuck You can't do shit

Come on You're throwing it out for everybody Oh my god That's what it is I'm talking bro Fuck you man I'm just as good as you man My pinkies are strong man

It's all about your mind bro It's all about your mentality And I'm willing to quit You guys are retarded Oh I can't It's all about your mentality and I'm willing to quit you guys are retarded oh I can't talking about your mentality your mentality

is no good I saw this dude once he was on wasn't it was it not Sally Jessie Raphael one of those

fucking shows it might have been Jenny Jones I don't remember which show it was that's old school right but I'll never

forget this dude because there's this girl and she's like dressing really trashy and she's like disrespecting her mom there's all this crazy shit going on and this dude because there's this girl and she's like dressing really trashy and she's like disrespecting her mom.

There's all this crazy shit going on. And this dude gets up in the audience and, you know, do you have anything you want to say to her? You know, they would go to the audience and get people's response. He goes, if you had a good personality, you could pull that off. If you like had some panaz. He goes, but your personality sucks. And that make you look nasty. Oh.

I love. I never forget that, dude. Your personality sucks. And that make you look nasty. And everybody was like, oh, shit. Turned into Def Jam. It was me and Candy Alexander when we were on news radio together. We were in between takes and we were hanging out in one of the break rooms or whatever it was.

And we were watching one of those daytime shows. This was pre-internet, man. There was no internet back then. Yeah, that was like the perfect, what they look for now on the internet is what we used to watch. Yeah, I mean, the internet existed, but you go to like aol.com or something like that you never saw anything like that no yeah how long do you think it's been since that all that's been coming up like what's i feel like i have no idea of the time frame of when this became the thing it's kind of snuck up on us right it keeps getting more and more embedded in everybody's life. Ari Shafir and Big Jay Oakerson

did a fucking hilarious podcast where Ari and Big Jay are on a roof in New York City. And they're peeping, tomming on this girl and this guy. Sounds so Ari. Yeah, and this girl and this guy, they keep about to get it on

and they check their phones. Shut up. They're on top of each other checking their phones on each other. Like she's riding him and she's checking her phone and he pauses and like grabbing her ass.

He pauses and grabs his phone. That doesn't make sense. Might be Pokemon Go. I mean, yeah, right? It could be a Pokemon. I want to talk to you about Pokemon. I want to know what it is. But it does.

It does make sense. Well, who would do that? People are crazy. They're sucked into phones. Phones draw you in. Were they looking for sexual positions on these phones? No, no, no, no, no, no. They're checking their text messages.

Bullshit. Yes, guaranteed. Some people just can't help it. Oh, I got another message. What's my message? Oh, I got another message. If you're having sex. Yes, they were about to have sex.

Some things trump other things. Some people are crazy. There are people that are flat out, 100% attached to that phone. This is step one, Eleanor. This is step one. I've been with addicts. They didn't stop. This is different.

Okay. This is different. The phone thing is different. Because if you wanted to say that it's you wanted to say that phones are a drug and you know okay it's an addiction right if you wanted to and you'd have to like sort out the consequences like what are the consequences of this drug we don't know about that i mean the consequences of coffee are pretty mundane it's no big deal you know you get you get fired up yeah This might be the most addictive drug ever. Like, if it was a drug, if it wasn't an object.

Right. Like, what drug do you walk down the street and you see everyone on? Everyone. Everyone holding their phone, looking at their phone. No one looks up. You're looking down streets, you might see 40, 50% of the people holding a phone. Yeah. I mean, that is, if obviously it's a device but let's just classify

it as an obsession or as something that you're a fixation perhaps something that is just overwhelmingly influential in the fact that you pay so much attention to it in your life this is more of a lover than anyone you've ever known but if this fucking thing is with you while you shit yeah with you all the time companion but it doesn't trump sex like I'm sorry if you can't try on the girl maybe I don't know what's gonna happen for so long that you have pathways carved in your anatomy. No, him. I'm feeling an imprint on my back.

The Pokemon game is taking it to the next level. What the hell is it? Explain what's going on. The easiest way to say what Pokemon is, it takes Google Maps. You have to sign into Google. It takes Google Maps and all the information that's in Google maps and it makes it the level of a video game so instead of playing a level you're playing your own street you're finding you're finding creatures in your house and uh so yeah so then there's places like churches are called gyms that's where you go and if you go to a church

uh you can like train your fighter to be stronger and stuff like that so you're using real world uh places and like uh like landmarks and you're finding things that like water fountains like if you go to the water fountain there's a bunch of coins there so it's using the whoa and what's crazy is like if you're at the comedy store on google maps you can like upload your own photos you know it's like like i was at the Comedy Store, on Google Maps, you can upload your own photos. I was at the Comedy Store on Google Maps. It pulls that information also. If you're playing the game, you'll be like, oh, there's an Andy Kaufman sign. If we go to the Andy Kaufman sign, we can get some treasures. It shows you the Andy Kaufman sign in the

video game. Here's the crazy thing. In two days, almost every single person has downloaded and played it i have not and the crazy thing i was thinking of is how awesome is it that it's connected to google and we're sending because it it opens your camera at parts of the game when you're battling and it's scanning your room your houses and it's sending it to google you're crazy this is like the best way that google is now getting a complete map of our house inside. It's like, it's scanning every street. In like one year, Google is going to be able to see every single inch of every single place

inside and outside because of this game. How long has it been out? Like three days, right? Three days. It's already on more phones on Android than Tinder, and it's about to pass up Twitter. Yeah. I really think we should bring typewriters back.

I'm sorry. And no one's thinking about this, though. We're just opening our camera and recording our rooms and sending it to Google. Wait a minute. I'm not. Is this real? Joe, you're not.

How are you? How's this been going on? I was just looking up us. I knew we were going to talk about us. I pulled up some stuff already. There's like a... The interesting thing that's happening with it being on open GPS maps is those places, those locations. Like there's a guy's home that's been turned into one of these gyms. And he's like mad that people are showing up outside of his place.

It's because he bought an old church. And so churches in the game automatically become gyms. People are hanging outside of his house now. But also, interesting things like this has happened, where the Westboro Baptist Church has been overtaken by a gay-friendly Pokemon. And so people were kind of, I don't know, necessarily trolling them and whatnot. Now that I kind of like. But then, so by walking around and looking for things, a teenager found a dead body somewhere.

In just three days. What? Dead body found by teenager hunting water Pokemon. Yeah, she found it underneath a bridge. Oh, my God. This last part, too. I was trying to get a water Pokemon, Wiggins told CNN. Instead, she made an alarming discovery.

A dead body close to the Wyoming Highway 789 bridge. I probably would have never went down there if it weren't for this game, she admitted. I saw somebody playing on the highway. Everybody's playing the game. On the way here, I saw somebody playing on the highway. Oh, my God. Traffic's bad enough. We don't need this. Last night when I was waiting for my Uber at my house, just three minutes, I saw two different groups of kids, like one on skateboards and one on bikes, just playing the game.

And what's scary is like on that article, now armed robbers are robbing people at certain places in the game because they know the kids are going to be there with like new phones, like iPhones and stuff. So they're waiting at certain places, coming out, stealing their phones. So they're waiting at certain places, coming out, stealing their phones. Whoa. The game allows players to drop a lure module in a real-world location to attract high numbers of Pokemon for 30 minutes. The lure modules have reportedly also been used by business owners to bring people to their stores. What? Yeah. Oh, so this is the next level.

Yes. This is what starts the next level. This kind of thing. The next level of what's that? Internet? This is augmented reality. It's going to take over just as well as the virtual. And it's also scanning, just like Snapchat scanned all our faces using all these filters now.

And they have perfect, they could 3D model all our faces now because we've been scanning our faces. Now, they're scanning the whole entire United States. They're going to have maps of everything inside and outside in like less than a year. Well, didn't we think though that eventually that that was going to be inevitable and that was going to be unavoidable? The technology is going to dissolve all the windows. Well, this is the next dissolving of the windows. There's no more curtains on the window.

But it's also fascinating that it's an augmented reality. Like, that's what got everybody in. Like, that the augmented reality is what snuck everybody in. And then everybody's like, I'm in, let's play a game. Yay, I'm part of the game. And then you're like, what is happening?

You're completely sucked into this very bizarre new world where you're playing a game wrapped around your own actual environment. What are you showing me here? This guy owns the gym of that guy's house. So he's a virtual owner of his property, technically. And it can be won or stolen or taken or something. He goes, woohoo, I met the owner of my gym.

Nice guy. Oh, my God. He's like, yeah, please don't tell anybody where I live, dude. Please get away from my house right now. They're going to get sued. Those Pokemon people are going to get sued. For sure. There's going to be a lot of lawsuits about this game.

There's going to be a lot of people dying. Like I said, on the way here, I saw somebody using it while driving. What do you do? Do you think that dead body was somebody trying to get a water Pokemon that just missed? No. That dead body was probably somebody murdered or a homeless person.

It doesn't have to be. I'm just saying. He could have been under there. Where's the water? That's it. When you find something, find a water lure. Is that what it was? Yeah. It's this thing that you can drop on the ground. Did someone drop it where that what it was? Yeah No it's a lure so it's this thing that you can drop

on the ground So did someone drop it where the dead person was? No she was just searching for Pokemon like you go it's kind of

it reminds me of like when you're a kid and you're on your bicycle and you're going around your neighborhood like playing adventure like looking at things and finding things

it's kind of like that it makes you kind of go out in your neighborhood and look at stuff like I didn't know that there was like a Buddha across the street in like neighborhood and look at stuff. I didn't know that there was a Buddha across the street in this forest by my house. I found out by this game

because it was like, go here. There's some stuff here. It's kind of cool because it shows you around your neighborhood and stuff like that that you might have not known. It's kind of like that old game, that geo-tagging game that people used to play where it's like, go to these coordinates and you'll find a present.

Dude, if you got really play where it's like go to these coordinates and you'll find like a present and you know dude if you got really cynical you'd be go you'd be it's like a it's like some sort of an alien talking to you going move around your coordinates and take photographs of everything so i can recreate it perfectly yeah it's really interesting to see what businesses businesses are doing like dairy queen like i said dropped something on the ground and it's like paying customers only can come here and get Pokemon. That's hilarious. That's probably smart. Yeah. That's smart for them.

First time people. Yeah. Can you imagine? I grew up in South Philly. We didn't look at anything. And if we saw something, we just kept walking. That's just how it goes. Well, we don't have to do that anymore, Eleanor.

Yes, you do. There's no more slaves. And you don't have to ride a horse around. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go taking pictures around my mom's neighborhood. Yeah, all right. So let me explain to me, because let me understand how this works. You're playing it.

So if you're playing it, what are you seeing? What are you seeing on the ground? Right now, I see nothing. I'm looking around. I can see down the street. There's some cool places to get more coins. It's called Pokeballs, which you use to capture animals. So these places exist how they just like

they just decide that the things are there it's random but what they usually do is they they take certain things in google maps like all the churches are gyms where you go to work out and stuff like that your pokemons then they take like like things like the comedy store and they put certain like they know it's a landmark so they they there's a lot going on there like last night if you go to the comedy store now you haven't been there in a couple days every single person's playing every single person working there's playing every comic there's everyone's just out there on their phones how did this happen so quick it's it's it's it's huge man dude i just heard about this like maybe two days ago yeah me too two days ago i saw a couple

pictures on youtube this video of what look i someone made a fake application that looked like Like maybe two days ago. Yeah, me too. Two days ago I saw a couple pictures. It was an April Fool's joke on YouTube. This video of someone made a fake application that looked like this. And it turned out to be a really good idea that someone developed. It's now out. Yeah, overnight it's doing it because it really hits this nerve in your head of collecting things. And when you're going like, look what I've collected. Look what I've collected. And it's the perfect thing to do when you're bored like i was in the uber i'm just sitting there while

we're driving by the hollywood bull i'm like oh there's some cool stuff here i'm gonna get here so it's a good thing to do when you have nothing else to do what do you mean get like you just as long as your phone it's like you're collecting virtual items it's like you're collecting virtual items okay whoa pokemon chasing investors led... Send Nintendo's... Oh, my God. Go out there. Just make it smaller.

Send Nintendo shares soaring. Craze added $9 billion in market value to gaming company. What? Nintendo was hurting. What? Nintendo was hurting before this. Come on. This is incredible.

That's right. Nintendo. Yeah, that's old school. So you're walking around. Explain this to me. I'm looking at this person holding their hand up. They're walking around, and they have a phone open where they see the image of what's in front of them,

but Pokemon stuff is just sort of floating around. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is crazy. And then you could grow eggs. You can train your characters to be stronger, and then you can battle other characters at gyms.

This, by the way, is just the first version. They're going to be adding so much to this. What's interesting to note, I heard a rumor maybe that the new Grand Theft Auto is going to be doing the same thing. You're going to be playing Grand Theft Auto using Google Maps. You're going to be at your house

and your house is going to be your house. This is just the beginning of this whole idea of taking Google's information and giving it. And it's getting people outside. That's good. Oh, yeah. One of the things is that they're already saying that people are, like, kids are complaining about sore legs. Oh, little brats. Get them out there.

Maybe this would be the video game that fixes people. Yeah, fixes people who are addicted to video games. Yeah. I mean, that's the only positive thing I see. I mean, it just makes me nervous. Oh, my God. They're all just hanging around playing with each other. Oh, my God.

This is insane. This is like the Comedy Store last night. Comic-Con in San Diego is going to be a zoo with this problem. Oh, yeah. I forgot about stuff like that. This is fucking insane. I can't believe I'm just... Oh, look at her legs.

Look at her sore legs. Is that from being sore? That's not sore. That's like she walked through something. They're fighting animals. I also heard that they banned it in San Francisco, but I haven't looked to see if that's true or not. Like some cities are actually banning it because people are not paying attention just going into traffic. Oh, my God.

Well, I can tell you there was probably a lot of them on the 405 today. Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, I can tell you, there was probably a lot of them on the 405 today. Yeah. Oh, I saw somebody. If you think about it, this is probably just the next step in what we're eventually going to get, which is some sort of a reality that we can manipulate all the time.

Like, this is one part of it. We're going to have little games in the regular reality, but you're going to have to look through your phone to see it. But how long before that's glasses that you're wearing, like that Microsoft shit? Weren't they already coming up with that? Yeah. What is it called again?

Magic Leap? That's one. I think that's the Google one. Microsoft is the HoloLens. Oh, it was Google is what I'm thinking of. Are they both with goggles? They're both augmented reality. They're both developed around augmented reality.

And supposedly Magic Leap is supposed to be awesome. I don't want to say it's better. So no one likes regular reality anymore. Come on. if you have a pair of glasses if you just put on a pair of glasses what's that you put on a pair like they live style i mean jesus christ they live is going to be real you put on a pair of glasses and and then you see and you see all kinds of crazy shit well you could just go all right but but imagine but yeah you can see real that's crazy shit it It's just boring. I want to see dragons.

If you want to constantly involve. Yeah, that was me with the Google Glass on. You have a pair? No, no, no. They just let you? Yeah, that's the one I saw. That's what I was thinking of. They were doing something with the UFC back then, Shogun and Sonnen.

They were doing something with the UFC, and they wanted to get footage. I noticed some 360 rigs going around this weekend. I wonder what they're going to do with it. I just noticed that there were people walking out with the fighters. And then I noticed during the fights it was kind of like planted somewhere near the ring. If you ever want to talk to the guys about it, we have an introduction to them. Yeah, they're the best. They know what the fuck to do.

There's all sorts of crazy stuff they've tried before that they don't do anymore. But I think they're doing 4K now, too. That's another new thing. That's important nowadays. It's so pretty. It's really cool what it's done. Have you done the porn yet on the glasses on the VR? No.

We went from Pokemon to porn. Same thing. You could do virtual reality porn? Yeah. Apparently, yeah. So there's, I forget which website. One of the virtual reality porn? Yeah. Apparently, yeah. So there's, I forget which website, one of the main websites has...

Can you see somebody like that? It has free... Maybe that's what those people were doing with their phone during Jay and Ari's thing. One of the main websites, porn websites, Pornhub, I think,

has virtual porn now for free. So you could buy this thing on Amazon, put your Samsung Note 5 in there, and it's like a really cheap version of, you know, you could do, kind of like Google Cardboard. But I tried it out the other day, immediately I was like, oh, no, this is the one thing that's going to save porn, because after watching it, I felt way more connected to the girl

and the sex. It was way better, like a masturbation environment. Whoa. And that and music videos like his i don't know if you've seen jamie's friend cameron gray so when you're saying way more connected so you felt it wasn't like you were just watching porn right it was like oh my gosh i'm more closer to this girl now because now i could like look at the girl's feet if i wanted to or i could look at like like, at the, you know.

But it was like I was more, like, after I was done, I was like, holy cow, I felt way closer to it. You know, this is a way better step up in porn. Right. Music videos, too. Like, his buddy Cameron Gray has a free app that you can download. And it's like you're watching this music video, but then you can look in the backseat and see what's going on in the backseat. There's like all these different storylines going on all around.

It's so cool. If you haven't seen his friend, his friend has an amazing music video. It's on the App Store, Cameron Gray. Wow. That makes sense, man. I think they're probably going to do that with comedy shows too, right? Yeah. Absolutely.

Oh, wow. When you've seen that stuff at the UFC, they probably will have it where you can just sit there and watch a certain fights and you can look around you can see like dana sitting there you can see you yelling you know well you know what it might be too i mean i don't know this is just total speculation but it might be that is this the video switch to the halfway can you move it to the halfway point that this part right here uh he's in the back seat of a car. You're in the front seat of a car, and there's somebody catching this right here. So you can look around, and you can see him get out of the car.

You're like, wait, where'd he go? Is that like broken glass? Yeah. He's getting something out of the trunk. You're like, what's he getting out of the trunk? You can just look around. Or you can look forward if you choose to.

Wow, so weird. I think that's just gritty ground, Joe. I don't think that's glad. And there's a camera and he's like lighting something on fire. But it's neat. This as a good example, this is the first I've seen

like a music video do it. This is a good example of like it takes you to a different level of a music video. You're not watching a music video. You get to look to a different level of a music video you're not watching a music video you get to look at whatever you want in this music video yeah it's in the next level of immersion yeah but i don't believe that it's going to take off till they figure out how to make the the goggles smaller you know more easier well do you think here's the question what what is it what

is a movie going to be like if this becomes the new thing? Because we're used to seeing, if you want to see a great movie, right? You want to see Raging Bull, right? Great movie. You sit there and you watch this great movie. It all plays out right in front of you. When it doesn't, when it's all in your head, do you still want to be around other people that are experiencing it? Then is everybody walking around?

Is everybody seeing something different? Yeah. I think it's going to be a while to ever gets to movies if ever just because if you have the goggles on after a certain amount of time you have to take them off you're just done you know your eyes it's too much for your your eyes do you think that it's too much because it's just not good yet do you think that's something they could work around a little bit of that and a little bit of, I think it really fucks with your everything. It has to. It has to.

Well, they say if you look with shitty binoculars, it's bad for your eyes. Like shitty glass. Yeah. And that kind of makes sense. If you're looking through this lens at this image, it would have to be like Swarovski crystal or some crazy shit.

You know what I mean? To be really clear for your eyes. Does that make sense? Do you look at binoculars a lot? Because it's straining. Oh, yeah. It also has to be, like, 90 frames per second

or it has to be some kind of frames per second or it makes you sick. So, like, there's a video game that's coming out soon for, I think, Xbox or PlayStation.

I forget. That is a virtual reality game or one that you wear goggles. But they don't have the frame speed up fast enough. So people are just getting sick immediately. What I'm just thinking is like really good goggles are really good binoculars. They're real expensive. You know?

Oh, yeah. You know, like and like I think if you think about how much it costs just to buy a pair of binoculars, like a really high-end pair of binoculars, and think about how much more it would be for a computer attached to that thing, and looking through, to have it look really clear. Like, what is the difference between, like, a 4K? It's just the resolution difference between 4K? Yeah, it's pretty much like four HD TVs make one 4K screen. But I've heard that, is it OLED, that that's the best visual?

That's like saying nowadays plasma, LCD, that's a kind of TV or kind of display. So OLED is not anything special. No, that's just like one of the better. I think it's an organic LED, organic light. That's what I've been told looks the best. I think so from what I've seen. And do they make that in 4K too? Yeah, 100%.

We're in a weird world, aren't we, folks? You think? I'm waiting for my TV to die so bad. I'm dizzy listening to the conversation. Things are so strange. Why don't you give your TV to Josh? No, it's a nice TV. I just, you know, I want it to die so I have a reason to get a TV. I just, you know, I wanted to die so I have

a reason to get a new TV. I know, I hear you. But it's like still a top of the line TV. It's not like an old, it doesn't have a back. Well, they were awesome just, they were awesome 10 years ago. Yeah. I have an old ass TV in my gym. My TV in my gym I got in 2003.

It's the same TV. It's interesting. But still, they're good. Yeah, it's pretty good. I think mine's that old. But it would be cheap as fuck today. Like, if I bought it today, it would be like nothing. Oh, that's garbage. You're like, well, I just spent a fortune on this.

I've got something beautiful. Look at this. It goes on the wall. You ever find an old laptop you got laying around? You're like, oh, my God god look at this piece of shit just two years ago i got rid of the desktop computer with the big uh-huh what's that called i came with it yeah the tower yeah oh my god even my boyfriend who doesn't get into this at all he was like what your your shit's old i was like oh they still use it for like graphic design and stuff, right? Do they?

They still have great towers. No, they have towers, but mine was like a PC. It was old, ugly. It had a back, the top. Have you seen that one that Apple makes? It looks like some sort of an alien hive. I love it. What is that thing called?

Power? That's just their computer. All they are is things that put my daddy out of business. What is it called? Mac Pro. The Mac Pro It's a piece of sculpture Like you look at it

You're like oh great we're getting paid by Apple bro Getting bought out by Apple bro You know what's weird is they sell that Would that be a bad thing? Now they don't sell the display anymore So they sell that but they don't sell a display for it anymore Okay how does that work? You're supposed to use the old display that you had they only want to repeat customers jamie price it out to like with

the best specs it's amazing how expensive this thing is 674 bucks oh that's why i've never heard of it real quick yeah there i think the last time i did it i think it was like ten thousand dollars for or even more than that for the top of the line now What would someone use something like that for like Photoshop video video video? You know fork editing 4k video editing yeah, I mean I have these or video like literally look at that beautiful thing Yeah, it's so beautiful built for creativity on an epic scale New power structure whoa come on man You open the top of that thing. Tell me it doesn't look like something aliens made. Yeah.

It is. If we found this on another planet, we'd be like, holy shit. We found the motherland. Yeah. This is where all life was created. Yeah. People would like hover around it, worship it. I mean, seriously, folks, we are in a fucking science fiction movie.

God. We really are. It's just creeping up on us so slowly. What was it that it just showed? Acoustic level. Acoustic level, meaning it was so quiet. Yeah, and... Clear.

But that was that animation. Look, he's pricing it out now. Like graphics, you can get six gigabytes, dual AMD. Oh, sexy as fuck. Look at Fred Van Van you're so weird I'm looking at it like I'm having heart palpitations looking at it no keyboard or monitor it's actually a lot

cheaper than no keyboard or monitor with that it's gotten cheaper it's gotten cheaper the difference between what that can do and what like a regular iMac can do is just time or is there anything that that can do that an iMac just would not be able to do?

It's mostly speed. Yeah. Because of the video card it has in it too. Like the iMac, the best iMac now, I'm pretty sure it really is just the best like mobile card you could have because it would fit inside a laptop. Right.

Like this is way beyond that. So like I don't think you could do you can get 4k display because it's a 4k display on the iMac but it's still like it's the very bottom of it where this would you can do multiple monitors there's some interesting render it faster too there's some there's some interesting benchmarks that i've read recently that it actually showed the iMac is faster than that at video editing and stuff like that because those graphic cards don't have, or those processors aren't as fast as the processor that's in the iMac for some reason. The iMac has like speed boost technology where the ones in there doesn't.

There was a weird thing I just read recently about how... This is making me dizzy, this whole conversation. Whatever they did here, it was twice as fast. 27-inch iMac with Retina 5K display. Yes. Yeah.

It's much faster. That's crazy. Yeah, isn't that weird? I just read about this. So what's the point in that thing? Just to look good? I like to look like

I know what I'm doing. I want to have one of the Mac Pros. Yeah, you gotta have this. No, it looks sexy, Jamie, not space. Sexy. The iMac got to have this. No, it looks sexy, Jamie, not space. Sexy. The iMac gives you more space, doesn't it?

I mean like space saving. I didn't mean like digital space. I meant like for your office space. But the iMac would give you more space because it's all in one piece. Honestly, I don't know what the reason is for buying it anymore is. Yeah, because the other thing you would have to get a monitor for. I have the 27-inch iMac 4 4k retina not the 5k and it's fast as fuck i have the nssd on there and stuff like that it renders so fast i can't even imagine it being faster so i'm pretty sure there's limitations on the processors that the imac can handle that this can handle faster processing and

it would be specific to what you're actually doing like you would if we needed one we would have to get it built specifically to some, we would have to get it built specifically to some use we would have to find for it. Like not everyone really needs these. Well, let me ask you this. Does Apple sell

a monitor anymore? No, they just got rid of it. What? Yeah. That's so ridiculous. The iMac was the same price as the monitor. That's like Toyota saying,

no steering wheel, bitch. Yeah, you figure it out. Figure it out. We don't like windshields. This is like watching a... You gotta get your own't like windshields. This is like watching a- You got to get your own once you get it. It's like watching a Spanish channel. I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

We're talking about computer stuff, manly things. You told me that computers were only a phase. I don't know what you guys are talking about. What was your dad like when he had to close the typewriter store and give up on a dream? Very, very upset. Dad had to be such a bummer. Very upset. Because people who love mechanical things, typewriters like that, typewriter store and give up on a dream very very upset that had to be such a bummer very upset because people who love like mechanical things like typewriters like that when something comes

along and just takes that away yeah and my grandpa he built tools specifically for typewriters that can only fix typewriters but he never marketed them he thought he cornered like everybody would come to him right different. Different Irish mentality. Because of, like, hipsters and stuff? Aren't typewriters in an upswing? No, it's still not bringing it high enough. A little. It's got a tiny little heartbeat, but not like...

Because they buy them, and then they just put them there for decorative features. It's not like, oh, I have to get all these letters out today, or whatever it is. I was actually going to do that very thing until you just brought it up and humiliated my idea. Oh, no. It's what people do. I mean, I have it, too. My sister Karen has her. They do look badass.

But I wouldn't unless it was someone's cool. My dad has ancient ones, like right in the beginning. Typewriters. Oh, so you can convert it into an iMac? Oh, my God. It's hilarious. It's a keyboard, basically. If I could get that from my dad, he would play convert it into an iMac? Oh my god, that's hilarious. If I could get that from my dad, he would play with it.

He would play with that. Look at that, that looks like an Underwood right there. Look, it attaches to a fucking screen, an oldie schoolie typewriter. Convert your favorite typewriter. So they can take yours and they can convert it to that. I have to send this to my dad's wife because she will do that for

him. That is fucking brilliant. And it still has the arms. And we bought him an iPad for Christmas. So he knows how to. But look at that. Look how it's typing. It's typing on that flat thing. And it still has the ribbon in there.

What the hell does it need the ribbon for? I think that's how it's reading the type strokes. Oh, yeah. Huh. Yeah. Okay. Oh, my God. I love this.

Maybe that'd be fun to. Look what's happening. We're making a comeback. Maybe that'd be fun what's happening we're making a comeback maybe that'd be fun to type you know or write on you know it's still types on paper too oh wow oh my god this is awesome turn off your monitor for an authentic experience what in the fuck are you saying i love this this is amazing and i'm sending this to my dad immediately well i have to send it to his girlfriend then she has to explain how to turn it on and listen yeah okay they gave out that guy's email bad move oh shit here come the dick pics son here comes the thunder this is so

strange that's cool that's oh i see so there's different ones one of them works it just goes side to side with an iPad. So the iPad actually moves. The iPad is what we got him for Christmas. So that would be a cool thing to teach him, you know, like to put it on there. Because he literally, he is saddened by the progress. I mean, it was all he knew. Do you know the Woody Allen still types on an old typewriter that he had like in the 70s?

Yes. Have you ever seen that? It's kind of interesting, man. I have heard that. A few people, Tom Hanks too. Tom Hanks is big on, I mean, I don't think he types scripts on it, but he's big on collecting them. And some of his people were in my dad's typewriter store like 20 years ago. And they were like, hey, we want this because my dad has this old one.

Like that's probably worth a lot of money, but my dad just keeps it like it's not smart and so uh they were like yeah we'll buy that from you for a lot of money and they my dad wouldn't sell it look at this is a pervert's cabin here that's my dad's house how dare you and rohoboth woody allen with his ancient keyboard it's really interesting actually because he's um like he goes over his whole process of how he writes. I want to see what kind it is. He uses just regular paper. No, no, no. The typewriter.

Is it an Underwood or is it a Royal? He looks like he writes on yellow legal paper. Is that what that is? Is that what that looks like or is it just the lighting? It looks like it's yellow. Yeah, he's not big on lighting. He likes everything yellow. Oh.

Hi-oh. Yep, yep, yep, yep. The setup. The setup. The swing. Oh, it's gone, ladies and gentlemen. Out of the park. Going, going, gone.

Big coffee. Hit it out. Yeah. That's. So, yeah, maybe we are making a comeback. You ever see Hunter S. Thompson type? Only, yeah. You never learned how to type? Yeah. How yeah, maybe we are making a comeback. You ever see Hunter S. Thompson type? Only, yeah. You never learned how to type?

Yeah. How about that? That guy wrote so many books and he would type like this. With one finger. Click, click, click, click, click, click. You never seen him? Yeah. Dude, you got to watch.

Johnny Depp does an amazing impression of him in that movie. Which one was it? Fear and Loathing. Yeah, it was Fear and Loathing, but it was also, oh, that's what it was. He was the narrator of, they played it also in the Gonzo Life and Times of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Now that's an IBM Selectric 3. That is how he would write, like literally like that. What is that?

IBM Selectric 3, it looks like. That's what is that what ibm selectric 3 looks like that's the one that hunter used i guess it has the ball oh the ball that's right i remember the ball that was like the next step up right yeah that was the high and then smith corona came out with kind of a word processor that my dad was selling but that's what that's the one he used to get mad at because when you put labels through it it would seep through and the goo would come out and it would make everything stick. So it would screw up the... That's why my dad said computers are only a phase because you can't do the labels properly. It's kind of crazy how quick it happened.

If you look at the history of the typewriter, how long has the typewriter been around? How dare you not know? You're right. Okay, let's guess let's guess my dad was teaching us to play with grenades not typewriters just kidding what would you if you had to guess 1827 well that's a killer guess but i would go lower what would you go elena 17 something no i think i'd probably go with you because your dad owns a typewriter store so i'm just gonna off you. What did you come up with?

You're right. It's probably earlier, but... I mean, I don't know, man. Just out of curiosity. I mean, I could see that one that my dad has that was one of the... Almost one of the first. If I had to guess, I feel like you're... When did we switch from the chisel?

We'll go with 1797. I'm going to ride the line. First obtained patent in Britain for a machine that did something similar to a typewriter was 1714. Yeah, we need a typewriter. And then 1802, one was developed. Developed? 1808, another one was developed.

But 1575, an Italian printmaker named Francesco Rampazzetto invented the Scorita something, a machine that presses letters into paper. So that's a typewriter, basically. Yeah, that's basically a typewriter. Well, they had a printing press. I wouldn't know exactly when, yeah. What was the printing press? Like 1500s?

Oh, printing press. Printing press. Yeah, that's what he's saying, that on the paper. Right. But that is a printing press then, right? That's the 1500 one? This was a machine that impressed letters on paper, I guess. What was the year of that?

1575. When was Martin Luther? Because that was one of the things about Martin Luther's translation of the Bible, right? Was that he was able to print it? That sounds like a stamp, though, what you're talking about. Like, this is just like a stamp, not a typewriter. Well, it's not like going to Kinko's. No, he's saying...

No, I mean like no I mean this patent that Jamie's talking about cuz yeah he's saying it's just like putting imprint on a paper yeah so it's not like a press right it's essentially a printing press yeah got it got him it's so hard to remember where whoa look at that fucking thing yeah does it say la scritcher mechanica can you go full screen on that looks like see the one in the middle my dad has oh how does that work oh that's weird so you would push down on those buttons on the top and it would write things down the bottom is that what would go on that crank is your shift look how weird that is yeah that crank is your shift right

so eleanor feed us through that what is or talk us through that that like this one and feed the paper into the bottom and then i'm assuming and then that crank is your shift to get you across yeah the one on the upper piece the one yeah what's the one on the bottom that's what like that came from the printing press because that's how you would press your paper and ink down on each other. Turn it down and let it lay. Kosai taught me how to do that. How weird are those buttons? Who taught you how to do that?

This place in Columbus called Kosai, they have the streets of yesteryear, and you can literally go and make wax candles and use a printing press. Did you make butter? I don't think they have butter there. That's another part of Ohio. Butter? Are you into butter? In Ohio, they don't make butter in Ohio?

No, they do. There's another part of the thing where you can go learn that. I wasn't at that place. Old school-y stuff is cool, man. I want to see that other one. There's this old lady in Montana in this historic recreation of a house. There's this museum of Bozeman. In the museum of Bozeman, they have these people that are making wool yarn.

She's got wool out, and she's running it through this spindle. And as she's running it through the spindle, she's turning it into thread and attaching more wool to it. She's explaining how the wool just clings to other wool, that it's got some sort of a tension thing or an attractant, like little barbs or something like that, something that sticks out, and you rub the wools together, they kind of cling to each other. And so she was doing this all by hand and foot, like old school-y, and doing it like in real time. She'd pull out these big tufts of this wool that just sheared from a lamb.

She'd take it, and she just started attaching it, and she's talking to us and pumping this pedal and making this wool. It's pretty badass, man. Yeah, I've done that before. They do that a lot. There's a lot of that shit in Ohio. And they also, Williamsburg, West Virginia, they have that whole town where they have real fights.

They have real blacksmiths. They recreate everything. Yeah, it's sweet. It's awesome. Yeah, people get weird with recreations, but that was pretty cool. But it is part of the history, so you can't get mad. I mean, it is what it is. That's not weird. The Civil War stuff's weird. It is weird.

It is uncomfortable. Not for all of us, but some of us. No, I'm just saying. But it is. It is a weird thing, but it is part of the history, so don't you think? With the history of people recreating war? We don't know what happened. Well, I guess you're right.

Look out! We're coming over the top. They're pretending they're at war, trying to fight to keep their slaves. They're getting shot at. My dad shot me with a musket. But what I'm saying is, I don't know, it's a strange thing to recreate that. You're absolutely right.

Do you think they do that in Korea? I don't know. I've never been. But at least this lady making this wool, when she's making this wool, like now you know how they did it. Like you could watch. Oh, I'm watching her do it. You know?

Yeah. Like it's not a lost skill because we would. Oh, yeah. Otherwise, you know, you and I, if you and I were like, how do they make wool yarn? I'd be like, fuck, I don't know. How the fuck do they do it? Like they left us with a bunch of wool and we're like, dude, we got to make yarn. Well, did they tell us how?

No, we have to figure it out. Fuck. I'm sure there's a YouTube video. Yeah, but what if you couldn't get online? What if you're just sitting in a room, an empty room

with a pile of wool? What are you gonna do? Survive. You're not gonna make clothes. Are you okay? No. I'm just thinking about that. Like, how would you?

What would you do? Look at that. Oh my God, there I am. The old spinster. Yeah. They used to think those old women were cursing them. That's where like- Yeah, exactly.

Sleeping Beauty came from. It's really good. I really liked- She's so cute. The twister with a needle. My mom and dad used to collect Singer sewing machines. Remember the old ones where you had like- All those are heavy.

Like the old iron ones and you have to like get new rubber stoppers because all the rubber has gotten bad. But in Ohio, there's so many barns, and they're about to tear down these barns, and they have barn sales. We just go, and you see anything you want in there. My dad would go to them and just take all the Singer sewing machines because they always had sewing machines in them for that kind of reason, like shaving sheep and making stuff in there. Wow, crazy. Yeah, I mean, I would be terrified to do that, but there are people that did it for years. Yeah, they did it for a long fucking time.

Those are cool looking. My sister has one of those. Come on, that is badass. Yeah, my dad has that almost exact one right there. If you can make clothes, go back to that one, please. If you can make clothes with that one that you're pumping with your feet. My grandma had one of those. My sister Karen has a big one like that

I think. Or maybe up there. My grandma had a bunch of cool old stuff like that. I used to love just walking my foot on that. Did she make clothes, your grandma? Did she do that? I don't really remember her making any clothes. I don't remember. I mean, maybe she did. She probably did. I just don't remember.

I remember she was ill like the last years of her life so i mostly remember that unfortunately because it was all during the formative years yeah right but that thing go back to that jamie look how beautiful that thing is yeah like the the craftsmanship and the design and like if you look at like the gold that's in the uh the sewing machine thing itself like god it's so pretty it is really cool my sister designs costumes for her daughter as a dancer and she would do a recital every year and karen also my older sister would go and like while the shows were happening she would stitch stuff up as well and a couple uh years ago she

had two like straight pins in her lip and she was like helping their kids you know they're young so karen's like putting all the stuff together she was fixing somebody's thing and somebody called her and she went and she wanted the she swallowed the pin she's got a pin in her lung my crazy sister so what are you gonna do there's nothing you can do what yeah my mother's like is that thing rusting in your oh my god So is her body going to absorb it? Is her body going to absorb it? Is it stainless steel? I guess.

That could take a long fucking time. What is she going to do? It's in her lung. They saw it. Cut her open like a fish. Get it out of there. Yeah. Cut me.

Crazy. Cut me, Mickey. It's been a while. Maybe it's more than two years. Oh, my God. I don't know if I'm saying the wrong ones. But I remember she had blood work done or something done and they were like,

hey, do you, do you have some metal, something, whatever? What about when she goes to the airport? She was like, well, this is what happened. Oh my God,

that's so crazy. That's terrifying. Yeah, I don't think she's had any problem at the airport yet. But it could have got stuck on the way down, easy. And then she would have been fucked.

But it's definitely in her lung. Oh my God, that's so crazy. That's crazy talk. Oh my God. My crazy sister. But that's crazy. And then she would have been fucked. But it's definitely in her lung. Oh, my God. That's so crazy. Like, something like that. Oh, my God. By Crazy Sister. But that's Karen.

She's always doing, like, five billion things at once. So she just... Of course she did that. Of course that happened to her. Oh, my God. How bizarre. But her costumes look great. What a weird feeling it must be.

Walk around with a... Knowing as your breathing is barring her chest. Like we want to put a magnet in her mouth and see if it comes back up. It seems like she could cough wrong and could just rip

something open or something. God forbid. God forbid. But yeah, I don't think that's true. I love that expression. God forbid. God forbid. You cannot think of that

expression and not think about Dom Herrera. It's true. God forbid. What's the South Philly? It's how we talk. Yeah, everybody's... I know, but Dom Herrera. It's true. God forbid. What's the South Philly? It's how we talk. Yeah, everybody. I know, but it's so Dom.

Oh, yeah. God forbid. We used to make fun of my grandma. She would say, oh, God forbid. It's a sin and a shame what that kid looks like. What? That's an awful thing to say. Knowing what you know now.

Knowing what you know now. Let me ask you both this question. Uh-oh. Knowing what you know now, what time would you like to go back? If there was a time machine, you can go back to the 1950s and just run shit. All those dorks, they didn't know nothing back then. You can just go back and... You mean you would know what you know now, but going back?

Exactly. Oh, shit. What year would it be? 1960s. I still couldn't vote in the 50s, so maybe I could lead a charge. You could vote in the 50s. Oh, shit What year would it be? 19... Still couldn't vote in the 50s, so maybe I could lead a charge You could vote in the 50s When was suffrage? Oh, wait, 28

I wouldn't want to go back I just watched Back to the Future yesterday And it was horrible I know, I thought it was fascinating I saw Back to the Future 2 With my kids at a movie theater And you thought it was horrible i know i thought it was fascinating i saw back to the future 2 with my kids at a movie theater and you thought it was terrible loved it oh i thought no i wouldn't want to live back in that time oh i was like wait what i love that movie no back to the future 2 i don't think i ever saw it oh i think i only saw one oh no i did see two i remember it was great

yeah yeah and that was this year i I think, right? Yes, 2015. Yeah. 2015, dude. Isn't that weird when you watch? They're like, oh, they were in the future. It was our time now. Everybody was so off. They missed everything.

Everybody thought it was going to be spaceships. Everybody thought it was going to be hoverboards. I know, yeah. They thought it was going to be mechanical things. No, it's Pokemon, you fuck. Yes. Pokemon has invaded the world. Invasion of privacy.

Exactly. That's what it is. It's some sort of a connection between all of us in a weird, sneaky way. It's going to get it in with a game, and we're going to get used to it. Just like you're used to now, people holding up their phones and taking pictures of things. We're used to people texting each other while they're driving. All this stuff is inevitable. It's going to be all a part of us

we're just going to figure it's it's trying to figure out a way to absorb us right now i think the best way to suck us in is a game you don't think it absorbs us right now yeah but it's even it's deeper and more it's not going to go further yeah like technology's not going to stop and go you know what i think we're good i think we've achieved a certain level of success with people we know that they love us they're going to keep us around. Yeah, nobody stays. They're always looking for the next best thing. You always used to yell, where are the flying cars? Where are the flying cars?

We're in the future. Where's the jetpacks? Where's the jetpacks? All of it. Yeah. And you're right. Well, the mechanical thing is what everybody expected because the mechanical things were the biggest leaps.

Like think about before there was a car. Before there was a car and then after there was a car. Whoa, how nutty. I mean, look what the fuck happened. People just came across the country on wheels and built fucking houses everywhere. And they drive with shit back and forth. And they're shipping things on trucks and food on trucks. And you can get food to places that could never get it before.

That's a game changer when they invented the car. And that's just a machine. So I think all of us growing up in that era, like in our time, we looked at like we thought it was going to be a machine. It's going to be some crazy robot. It was going to be a jet pack. It was going to be something that showed us that we're living in the Jetsons. But no, it's something no one ever saw coming. Yeah, it's a different way.

Information. I remember my grandma telling me she was so afraid of cars. information i remember my grandma telling me she was so afraid of cars and the fact that my grandpa drove like a maniac he probably drank and drove because it was you know a long time ago and she was so afraid she would lay on the back seat on the floor and just her and her best friend would lay on the back and i'm like wow like i would never think to be afraid of cars you get in anything you know what i mean get in any car it's awesome you know it works you know it's great but it was still coming up for my grandma well byron bowers you know so funny hilarious dude great great fucking guy so funny um he's gonna be on here in a couple weeks byron his grandmother remembers someone in her family telling her a story about them remembering the cotton gin.

Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. Crazy. I mean, this is a direct connection. Like, his family goes straight back to slavery. Like, they can track it. Like, they remember.

They remember the people. They're picking cotton. This is grandma. This is track it. They remember the people. They're picking cotton. This is grandma. This is great grandma. There's still cotton pickers. Do you know that? Of course. People pick cotton. It never went away. I forget. There was a black

guy and he goes, I'm a cotton picker. There was a video all about it and it showed all his friends working and they're just like hey what's up and it's funny how you think that you're not allowed to even talk about picking cotton anymore they get paid to do it now thank god

yeah that's a weird job for black dudes to gravitate towards it's like why did you you would think you were a rebel against that do you know are there any? No, but Paul Mooney used to tell us crazy stories. And I remember one time we had this manager.

I forget his name. There were so many managers at the comedy store. But Paul would tell me all these crazy stories. He was raised by his grandma, who was, her mom was a slave. Literally a slave. So he would tell stories. And if you think about it, I mean paul's in his 80s yeah so yeah his grandma could it was paul paul what paul that old i think so isn't it

late 70s possibly 80 yeah and um but he would tell me all these stories and the manager was like slavery that they haven't had slavery in like thousands of years i was like are you high he was so serious and i was like what and he goes well at least 500 oh my god oh my god but we didn't have google i couldn't say hey idiot google it i was just like are you crazy but i i just walked away from him like i because i was like i'm either gonna strangle him like he just for me saying that it was less than 200 years ago at that point he didn't believe me but there's some things that people say like that like that just that like listen that's what you want it to be you want it to be thousands of years ago that's what you want it to be i know what you're doing yeah like why do you think that that's the case no like people

say weird shit like like i had a discussion with a guy a long fucking time ago about the civil war and he was talking about the economic impact like it was they were going to cripple the farms like it was an economic war yeah they forced him in a corner where they had um it was about slavery okay it was just about yeah if you don't want to pay people and you're making them work that's economics that's a problem people don't like. They like to get paid for work. So yeah, in that sense, it was an economic issue. What? But people repeat that because they can drink and go,

yeah, well, these fucking liberals, try telling that to them. They don't want to hear it. They don't want to hear it was about economics. Listen, these people who were slaves, a lot of them were treated very well. I'll have you know, there's a lot of like, that Roots, that propaganda, that movie. That propaganda? That L. Ronon hubbard whoever wrote that shit that guy that guy he wrote a lot of them were good friends with the with the white folks sometimes they interbred my god they often interbred the master would pick himself a good woman and she would be treated better than the rest so

you know i mean how much different is that than working at Burger King? I mean, come on. There's a lot of those dudes out there. They were always out there. Yes. They're crazy. I didn't know we were going to bring my dad back up. A lot of people are fucking completely insane.

Yeah, it's true. There's a lot of people that are just, and they, but the thing is like when a guy says that it's about economics, it's about economics. You don't know. They want it to be that. It's about economics. Yeah, you don't know anything. They want it to be that. So they want there to be a bunch of silly people. So they can sleep at night. Yeah, they don't want, like, slavery to have been abolished in just 1865.

Yeah. And people went to war over it. Yeah, yeah. That's so recent. Fuck that's recent, you know? I was born in 67, okay? So it's two years, 200 years, rather, before I was born. Think about that. Or 100 years, rather. 100 know? I was born in 67. Okay? So it's 200 years before I was born. Think about that. Or 100 years, rather.

100 years before I was born. Think about that. No. That's awful. That's nothing. I mean, yeah, my grandma was 93 when she died. 1865 doesn't even sound right. Yeah.

When you say it, that it was only 140-something years ago, you're like, nah. It was more than that, right? It was more than that, right? It was more than that, right? It was more than that, right? Oh, my God. People are crazy. What creeps we were. We had slaves just a fucking couple hundred years ago.

I have family that lived to be 100, so that's an easy number. Jesus Christ. That's cool. That is so strange that that was so recent and in places where it was like real prep now stop and think of that right think of places where like slavery was real prevalent right yeah people lived on the slavery they had it there was lynchings there was all that kind of crazy shit and now think that all goes away just 150 years ago yeah they got to recover so a racist grandpappy racist pawpaw

racist pie pie they get together tell you what we're gonna do we're gonna put our foot down i'll tell you what we're gonna do we're gonna stop all this interbreeding chelsea handler did something on her show that first one on Netflix where she went and visited places like that like where it still has and it was so I was like oh and she's having conversations and they're doing what you're saying with the economic and I'm like what the and she's like wait a minute

and like trying to school them but it's just you're right like this blinders well they don't look into it and that's what they want to hear so it's what they talk about it's a fascinating thing when people do that when people don't consider the possibility of another point of view or that yeah you can't be that close-minded that's insane yeah I mean if you look at how many people like benefited from slavery stopping like

yeah the idea that anybody's out there somehow i'm not saying what we'll need about that it was about keeping this corn business going i need someone to pick this here corn i can't pick it on myself i'm back as bad we're trying to keep a family fed trying to support a community fuck that's great the trying to support a community fuck that's crazy living in those places like living in spots where it was like insanely racist for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years

right and then to expect that to just shut off and turn around within our lifetimes it's almost amazing that people aren't more racist well Philadelphia's pretty racist Boston's pretty racist. Only parts of Boston.

Parts. Boston, like the center of Boston, is very liberal. Very democratic. We have center city. Very progressive. But there's a lot of Italians that don't like the colors. Well, they don't like. My parents growing up, you couldn't date Italian-Irish.

Yeah, well, they don't like people. Oh, my God. They would freak out. Yeah. They don't like people that are different than them they get mad yeah and italian irish like that was a big one you and i yeah we're the dirtiest of the mutts i'm 100 irish you think you are well my dad you've had so much dick in you from italian guys if we're going with that i'm representing every country tonight. I watch the Olympics and go, I've been there.

Yeah, Philly is similar in a lot of ways. Like Philly, New York, Boston, New Jersey. They all have like a different feel to them. But what's similar is they're hardy people that are living in tough climates. Exactly. They're the children of the children of immigrants for the most part. Yeah, most of my neighbors growing up spoke Italian. Yeah.

I mean, we came over, I don't remember how far back. I think my great-great on my dad's side and then great-great-great on my mom's side came from Ireland. Yeah, that's a lot of the people that I grew up with. It was always like their dad's dad or something along those lines. It was my grandparents on both sides. My parents, my mom's side, it was all Italian. And my dad's side was half Irish and half Italian. One from Italy, one from Ireland.

But they were all fresh off the boat. Nice. Bad Irish snuck in there. Just banging each other. Dirty little monkeys. Shooting at each other. We're not supposed to be together. We're not even supposed to be on this continent, baby.

Take my seed. Grow me a person. Grow me a person. Grow me a person in your body. My mom's good at that one. Ten. Ten. And my dad's dad was one of 15.

Good Lord. There's a lot of us out there. The Irish know how to fuck. Some shit go down. Well, we do. They like to keep them, too. Yeah, they got a lot of kids. Keep them kids.

That's a gang of kids. My mom's sister had 10 kids, too. Oh, my God. What were picnics like? Picnics. Not a lot of picnics. They didn't like mob scenes like that in a park. We had to rent a hall.

26 people. Do it indoors. How many families? One. Yeah. My mom's mom had four kids. She was orphaned at a very early age. She had four kids, so she wanted to have a real tight-knit family.

Four kids, 27 grandchildren, and 45 great-grandchildren when she passed away 11 years ago. You had a lot of periods in your family. Only time time the money they saved on tampax yeah they're probably just super fertile you could probably get them fertile yeah you can my mom had a hysterectomy she's still nervous she's like i'm not walking around that's so crazy that's such a giant number of human beings to come out of a couple of folks yeah and to keep us all how many other people are going to get bread out of that yeah we're good we we slowed we slowed because we're 10 and then we only i only have 10 nieces and nephews wow but my little sister did just get married so my my add-on wow but no the other my aunt joy is she had ten kids and they have I think 15 or 17 nieces and nephews you know what I mean like hide so they did the bigger we did it we're half and half half of us had kids and half of us did

it half of us were like you know what we're gonna stop this bloodline enough enough maybe that's why you don't want kids you've been around too many people yeah true bad decisions I made with dating. No, I'm just kidding. No, I love kids. I do. But I just, I don't know. You're like, yeah.

You don't have to. For my own. For my own, I don't want for me. Like when I go home, I'm with my nieces and nephews all the time. Hang out with them all the time. I even had my niece Alexa came out here to live for a little while because she's into um producing and editing like that's right just graduated college so you know like i'm very close with my kids i call them my kids and uh but i just for myself i didn't yeah well it makes total sense and also the just the sheer numbers of people you've been around

yeah for so long you're like you're not fucking people yeah i don't need to make any more people yeah jesus christ i mean i wonder how much of that pull to family is that you know to create some bond with people that you're like deeply deeply close to and i wonder if you grow up with so many people like you if that bond gets like drowned out but the way we grew up on top of each other our bond is tight i mean we are tight i'm not saying let's not get crazy but we are tight oh i could imagine yeah 10 kids's not get crazy, but we are tight. Oh, I could imagine 10 kids growing up in a pile like that.

I bet if one of you gets in trouble, it's a fucking hailstorm. Nobody wanted to fight one because you had to fight. And I have six brothers, so it's like, I shared a room with them.

I stayed in the room with them. That's an important thing growing up. What? Boys or the tightness? Yeah, like if shit goes down. Like if it was raining out, people would knock on our door.

Like, let's go in there. It's like a playground. That's hilarious. There's always something to do in the Kerrigan house. You know, like it was just insane. That's just never going to happen again. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

Yeah. Now, you know. Now people have two kids and they tag out. And that's fine. That's smart. Well, not just that. Kids aren't running around the street where it rains out.

Yeah, yeah. You can't. That was my favorite. Like we really were outside not just that. Kids aren't running around the street where it rains out. Yeah, yeah. You can't. That was my favorite. Like, we really were outside. And that's why, kind of with this Pokemon thing, I'm excited that people are outside. And I was home a couple weeks ago. I was watching these kids fight and play in the playground. And it was just awesome.

Like, I still think certain areas do it. LA, it doesn't exist. Well, I think that when, definitely not walking. I mean, people in New York walk way more than they walk out here like Ari loves doing sets

and then walking home to his apartment it's my favorite thing to do in New York do you really? my favorite thing and I've walked from all the way

the Upper West Side all the way down that's so weird how about just go to the gym and then take a cab like a normal person I did do that I did go to the gym that day

we go to Crunch Gym and we kill it and then that night I did go to the gym that day. We go to Crunch Gym and we kill it. And then that night I walk home. I do enjoy like hiking. I do enjoy like walking up hills in nature and shit like that. I enjoy that. But like walking around the streets, I'm like this fucking air is tainted.

But New York? No, it's great. Breathing in brake dust and exhaust fumes. And hoping nobody fucking texts and drives right into you. Fuck that. Well, you just have to be as alert as if you're driving, walking. I've seen a couple people run lights lately. Spooky.

It's very strange. We saw a girl get hit by a car. I don't even know how it happened. It was like we were in the car. A guy was making a left. A girl was crossing the street. guy obviously in the wrong making the left she was on her phone but she looked before she crossed he made the left he must have been on his phone and he did not hard but like he realized and it was just like she went down like

a sack of potatoes and me and my niece were like oh my god oh my god like we just got out to help because we didn't know what how do you not not see that? How did he not see her? People sometimes are not fucking paying attention. It doesn't make any sense to me. They're just drifting off. How many people are just so tired? They're like barely paying attention to what they're doing. They're just working all day and they're so tired.

I walk home from the store a lot. I do. You're a maniac. I try to because the parking, the drive. If I just have a spot at the store, sometimes I'll just, or if I do the store in the factory, because then you can walk down the street. So, I mean, and a lot of times if I have both, I'll park at the store, walk to the factory, and then walk back.

Well, Sunset is, there's going to be a spot. There's like, what else? Melrose and Sunset and Santa Monica Boulevard. Yeah. People walk down there. And then people walk on the promenade, that little Santa Monica area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They walk down there.

Venice, people walk around in Venice. But when you walk in Hollywood, people look at you like, oh, God, what's wrong with her? Yeah, just walking around like some hooker. I have a car, and I am a hooker. I have to make extra money. Isn't that, it is weird, like, when you're walking around or driving around in Hollywood, you don't see a lot of people walking. No, only on certain areas.

Like you said, the Hollywood Boulevard, if they're going to sightsee, whatever. I wonder how much that shaped like how, what the personality of people that live in L.A. is. The fact that people were in cars early on because the transportation system sucks. Oh, yeah. It's terrible. But like I didn't have a license when I first moved here. Right. I had no, I mean, I tried to learn how to drive and I tried to get my sister Karen to take me to get a license, but she missed the accident.

She got angry. Really? Yeah. She literally was like, I'll kill us all. And she drove home. I was like, oh my God, anger issues. Seriously, I hate you. What a bitch.

Do you ever forgive her? I love my sister, yeah. Do you bring it up to her every now and then? I was on stage and I told that story and she was here with her daughter visiting for Mother's Day. And I started to tell the story and I heard her go, oh, this story. She was so mad. Oh, this story. She taught me how to swim.

She taught me everything, my sister Karen. She's 10 years older and we look exactly alike. Wow. It's like the weirdest thing. And her daughter, when she came out here, everybody was like, oh, is that your daughter? I'm like, no. And they're like, don't lie to us. You abandoned your kid to come to LA.

I was like, yeah, I'd abandon a kid to do this, right? Like, who would do that? I would never, no one would do that. And Dave Taylor was like, you guys have the same overbite. I'm like, what do you work for, CSI? What does that even mean? Dave Taylor said that? I'm like, she's my niece. He'm like, what do you work for, CSI? What does that even mean? Taylor said that? Yes.

I'm like, she's my niece. He's like, no, you gave her up. Oh, that's just Taylor. Being crazy. He wasn't the only one. He's the only one that said the overbite, that's all. But anyway, so yeah, she's my sister's type. But I didn't have a license until two, three years after being here.

So walking was awful awful because you wait for the bus and yeah they just have their own schedule like i would use to the east coast where you can take a bus to boston and come back what kind of fucking characters were you running into on the public transportation system in la so many one time i remember i got trouble because i was waiting tables at the store and the manager was like, if you're late one more time, because I'm always late, it's my thing, whatever. My grandmom used to yell at us for it.

I don't know what happens. But anyway, so my grandma actually called me you people. I'm like, really? That's so racist. But anyway, so she was like, if you're late, one more time. So I specifically came, I think, an hour early. I could have just walked, but I was waiting for the bus. And I was waiting for the bus, and I was talking to this black guy.

He was funny. He was like, damn, a girl like you, you should be in a Cadillac. And I was like, you got one? I'm like playing with her. I talked to people. And he had a nice little curl going. So I know what he did. I people. And he did. He had a nice little curl going. So I know what he did. I can tell what he did.

He's a pimp? Yeah. It's not my business. So I was just talking to him. So he's trying to get you to go to work for him? No. He was literally just talking. Then the bus came.

And as I went to get on the bus, they pulled me off the bus. Two undercover cops. They had him on the ground with guns in his face. And I'm like, what the? And they grabbed my bag. She started going through my bag my bag i was like you can't go through my bag you i started panicking i was like you can't go through my bag you you don't know me and they're like why were you talking to him is he trying do you work for him i'm looking at i have a giant overage size gray sweater on black tights a comedy store t-shirt i'm like what do i no i'm not working

for him see that girl with her pussy hanging out of her skirt she's working for him not me like they were on the other side of the street and he's like get down so they're screaming at me and they're going through my bag and i'm like you really can't go through my bag like i'm panicked and then uh they just started screaming asking questions did you are is he trying to recruit you do you work for him and he's literally on the ground gun strong he did nothing to me all he did was say i should be in a cadillac that was it and so i was like dude you gotta calm down this is and i was like i'm gonna be late for

work and i'm gonna get fired and this guy's got guns in his face and i'm worried about my weight and tables at the comedy store so then finally they let him go and i was so pissed and i'm getting my stuff and putting my bag together and i'm like this is bullshit but i was afraid to like talk back to a cop so i was like oh it was like inside me and then they were like you want us to drive you to work and i'm like oh yeah that's great you're gonna drive me to work and as soon as we pull up i'll tell mitzi sure i got picked up for prostitution and that's why I had to get here late in a cop car. How late were you? About 15 minutes. But Debbie and-

Oh, take the ride. Hit the lights. No, I did take the ride, but Mitzi wasn't there that night, thank God. But Debbie, the manager, did see me get out of a cop car, and she's like, what the f- She's undercover. Undercover waitress. That's why she doesn't get fired, even though she's late. She's the fuzz, man.

That's a crazy story. Mitzi let me be the boss because I was always late. She's like, okay, fine. That's a crazy story because it shows people a side of what it's like to be poor and be dealt with by the cops where they know that you can't do anything. I couldn't do anything. To be honest, I just panicked when they go through your bag or something. Everything goes through your head and you're like, what am I packing tonight?

Am I this? Like, what am I doing? You know, like scared. But you have no rights most of the time. But that's crazy. It's crazy that you don't have any rights. I don't think that's legal. I know, but if you resist and you fight back, you're going to get hit.

I've been. I've been thrown in the back of a paddy wagon. I've tried both ways. You can been. I've been thrown in the back of a paddy wagon. I've tried both ways. You can't. I've seen guys get beaten. Oh, yeah. Good friends. Like, just in a nightclub, just from resisting.

And it was a stupid thing we were doing. And, you know. Yeah. I've seen both ends. Yeah. Yeah. Well, cops are stressed the fuck out a lot of the time, too. That's what I'm saying.

In a bad situation like that. Like, in your situation. That was weird. Like, obviously, cops are stressed to fuck out a lot of the times, too. That's what I'm saying. In a bad situation like that. Like, in your situation, like, obviously, it was crazy, ridiculous. All you're doing is talking to a guy, and then you're getting on a bus. The fact they grabbed you like that. But how many white girls talk to that guy that aren't working for them? In their defense. So, like, for sure this bitch knows him. Yeah.

Look how comfortable she is with him. She's not even freaking out. She's got to be a hooker. She's hardened. Like she's joking around with him. You got a Cadillac? You got one?

Like they're negotiating terms of their contracts. I was laughing with this guy. He was funny. Right. But they figured if you're talking to a pimp and you're not freaking out

Yeah. for sure there's got to be something wrong with you. Yeah and I'm not saying he might not get another girl who's like oh this this girl can be molded. Her mind can be molded you know i'm not gonna turn tricks especially with that overbite all of a sudden i feel like my overbite has gotten bigger you know it's weird right a guy can't take

he couldn't like recruit girls and have them do sex for money for him and protect them that's what a pimp does to prostitutes, and prostitution is illegal, right? But you could recruit girls to make videos of them having sex. You could have people who could even pay you. It's not immediate money, though, is it? Prostitution's like waiting tables. Yeah, it could totally be immediate money if you make people pay. Make people pay to have sex with somebody and make a video of it.

Oh, I see what you're saying. But it's just, my point is like... I feel like you're helping the pimps right now. No, but there's certain pimping that's... Like, the word pimping is very strange. Like, you decide that women are too vulnerable to accept a mentor figure in the strong, sexually overcharged black man with the feathers and the gold chains. That's essentially what they're saying.

Yeah, you're right. But if he owns a brothel in Nevada or something like that, that's okay. That pays taxes. Less dangerous for the girl-ish. Yeah, so it's porn. In that she could get, yeah.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with any of it, but I'm like, it is. Prostitution's a fucking weird one. It is a real weird one. And pimping is an even weirder one, because that guy's not fucking anybody. That's where it's even weird. He's just got a bunch of friends with money that like to give him money. He talks to these girls who do stuff that's illegal. He does stuff.

Yeah, they always did. They always slept with the girls. Okay, but he's not doing anything to get that money. If you're a real pimp, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. You're sitting back. You're sitting back. You're maxing and relaxing. You just got to be good at convincing.

You got furs on. You got long nails. Just show everybody that you can't do work. Only one long nail. Maybe they have a whole... A lot of those dudes are like pimps up, hoes down. They had many long nails. Coke nails everybody that you can't do work. Only one long nail. Maybe they have a whole... A lot of those dudes are like pimps up, hoes down. They had many long nails. Coke nails. Yeah, they had that.

But the other nails were substantially longer than the average person who works a 9-to-5 job. Okay, you're right. So they have this whole thing going on. What are they doing illegal? All they're doing illegal is being a pimp. See, the actual act, the illegal act is being done by the woman. The woman is a prostitute. She See, the actual act, the illegal act is being done by the woman. How about the slavery by the woman?

The woman is a prostitute. She is deciding as a grown adult to go out and have illegal sex with men and then comes back and brings the money to the pimp. Right. The pimp didn't really do anything. He just got the girl to give him his money. A lot of times these girls are underage, too. That's a problem. Well, that's a very different story.

That was the only flattering thing about the story is that the guy thought I was underage. Fish shizzle. That's a problem. Well, that's a very different story. That was the only flattering thing about the story is that the guy thought I was underage. Fish shizzle. Fish shizzle. Oh, look at his nails. Snoop Dogg gets manicures.

Uh-uh. He's fresh. They're not that big. He's fresh. That's pretty long. He's fresh. I love Snoop Dogg. He can do no wrong.

Yeah, he can do no wrong. What he did the other day is amazing. The way he led, it wasn't a protest. It was like, we're going to go talk to our officials and figure it out how we can make peace, how we can do this. And that was good because him and the game did it. And a lot of people followed.

Yeah. Snoop Dogg's a very peaceful dude. Very peaceful. Very smart man. That nail thing is weird though, isn't it? Yeah. Even my nail. I don't even get manicures.

Sometimes. Pimps up, hoes downures sometimes pimps up hose down pimps up hose down really great yes i used to watch it on repeat with freddie soto because we were obsessed with phil more slim i believe oh yeah yeah yeah he was slick that's what the guy looked like that was sitting on the bench and i always wondered was it him it might have been i don't know what year was it was in the 90s? 93. Probably was then. Yeah, 93. Because that was way before that movie. Yeah.

Look at Ice-T. Remember Ice-T was in it? Yes, he was in it. And Ice-T went on this long rant about how he is just a pimp and he's not really a rapper. I've never really been a rapper. Yeah. I've been about rapping. And the woman.

Remember the woman? Big Lett. What was her name? How about Mr. White Folks? Mr. White Folks. Yeah. There he is right there. There he is. Go right above the cursor.? How about Mr. White Folks? Mr. White Folks, yeah. There he is right there. There he is. Go right above the cursor.

This guy. Mr. White Folks. Mr. White Folks. Oh, my God. He was hilarious. Why are you reckless eyeballing? Yeah. You're reckless eyeballing.

Oh, it's crazy, this show. This documentary was one of my favorites. And then the other guy we liked, Fillmore Slim. Oh, I just loved how he would uh come to la he got his all his girls got arrested he's like you thought that was my first track yeah i got another track quick and he just was on a pay phone he brought in the b team they took out the b team and then he sent the a team down second so y'all knocked the wrong hose yeah y'all knocked the wrong hose like Yeah. Y'all knocked the wrong hose.

Like they were playing. Had a busy book and name. Watch this. I was like, yes, I love this guy. They played games. We were obsessed with that show. That documentary was so good. Obviously there's sadness to it.

Like no one wants a girl to be a prostitute. So much sadness to it. On both parts. Yes. But the girl gets zero percentage. That's where I remember learning that. And I was like, what? Let me ask you this, honestly and truthfully.

Isn't a lot of what's wrong with prostitution two things? One, our idea about it, like our forbidden, it's forbidden, it's taboo, you're not supposed to get money for sex. And two, the fact that it's illegal. Because if it was legal, probably the same amount of people would be doing it. No. More, don't you think? I think it would be more. I think it would be more.

The same amount of people would be doing prostitution or going to prostitutes. I'm saying doing prostitution. Oh, doing prostitution. Yeah, I'm saying doing prostitution. They just would be busier. Busier. They'd be busier. It would be more high-end.

They'd be the same people. Like Heidi Fleiss-y. I did that wrong, but you know what I mean. Heidi Fleiss-y. It would probably be more people, because I know a lot of girls that would do it if it was legal. I know Kim Congdon would be up there. Leave my Kim alone. How dare you.

How dare you. My sweet Kim. But I would be working side-by- side with Kim is what I'm saying. See, if it was legal, I think if it was accepted and legal, I think definitely more people would do it. I think if I was a girl, I would definitely fuck guys that I would attract to for money. If I was attracted to a guy and he was like, look, I don't want a relationship, but I'll give you two grand if you fuck him. Sometimes I've had sex with a guy and then, like, even

you're sick. Even in a relationship, one time I remember getting in an argument with my boyfriend because after we had sex, he gave me money and I was like, inappropriate? And he was like, what? But it was for something. He's like, oh, you're going to go get this today. I forget what it was. I don't know if it was something for me. I forget what it was, but it was money. like he's like oh you're gonna go get this today i forget what it

was i don't know if it was something for me i forget what it was but it was money yeah and i was like my prostitute like when he left i was like oh that that didn't feel that bad i might do this more often if you really like the guy i bet it's awesome but we were in a relationship but it was just a weird moment like i was like oh right but i'm saying if you really love the guy like you'd get two things you like dick and then money i don't yeah and that's that order usually i mean like people get paid for jobs that they love yeah or people get paid for jobs that they hate yeah how about getting paid for one they love yeah like movie stars get paid yeah they get paid for being movies then they enjoy it they love it yeah they're out there acting explosions going on

get more with a tit out. Let's do it. I'm sorry. That's where I brought it. I'm just excited. I'm excited we're going to rally to make this legal so that Kim and I have something to do. It's eventually going to be legal. You know what's interesting? It might turn to be like a virtual

thing before it becomes legal. I've been thinking about what you were saying about the porn, the virtual porn with the headsets on being so interactive and immersive. I'm like, yeah, of course. That's just what's going to happen. They're just going to figure out a way to make it. They're going to figure out a way to stimulate your body. That's the only thing that's missing.

Yeah. Like once they stimulate your mind, maybe they'll be able to put you in some sort of a trance where you feel like it's stimulating your body. We're already in a trance. I was looking at something that they're selling really recently god i'm trying to remember this because i i saved it but i didn't read it but it was talking about some new device that's able to stimulate certain areas of the mind from from the outside of your head like they did a whole um episode of radio lab about this sort of technology a long time ago

I want to say like two years ago maybe And it was really interesting Because it was about how they stimulate Different parts of your scalp And through doing so It allows you to remember and learn things way quicker Through electricity maybe This is it

Nine Volt Nirvana is the episode on Radiolab If you guys have never listened to Radiolab It's fucking awesome. It's one of the best podcasts in the world. Ninevolt, right? It's really interesting. And this is like one of my favorite episodes because it's about this girl. This is how it starts off.

She works for this, I should say woman. She's a woman. She has a good job. She's educated. Okay. I'm sorry. She's not a child. I'm not good.

I say girl boy for adults all the time and i i should fix that yeah who cares this is a nine volt battery yeah so she went there to um this place that trains snipers sniper skills um thing and what what it is is a video game a virtual reality thing so you put on the headset or you know they they take her through the thing with a gun and she shoots at all the different targets and all these different events happen in front of her and when it plays out after it's over they tally up her score so she does that in a normal way and then they stimulate the outside areas of her brain she goes in it's supposed to be 20 minutes if they end it and she goes why'd you guys end it

so quick and they go that was 20 minutes and she's like what and then she hit every target she was she went from being completely ineffective to being like a fucking world-class sniper by just them jazzing her brain up and she went into the zone where she didn't even know she was doing it so think about that She had never done this before. She sucked at it just a few minutes ago. They put these electrodes on her head. They give it to her. And then all of a sudden, she's like, wah.

That's interesting. She's like a super soldier. Is there any science to that? I mean, is there somebody that's tested this? Because why aren't we all just putting 9-volt batteries on our heads? Well, they are testing it. What is the actual term? Transdermal electrical stimulation

dermal cranial i have some nine volt batteries at home i'm gonna try hold on a second what say again i lost the word say it again a transdermal cranial stimulation i believe i'm trying to yeah i think that's direct current stimulation that sounds right yeah wow so this is apparently um there's a lot of guys who hack themselves and they uh they make little things with 9-volt batteries and shit that you could buy from Radio Shack. And they just slap little electrodes on their head and zap themselves. Like a do-it-yourself. Sometimes it kills their sense of smell for a week. Oh, I cooked my sense of smell today, dude.

I'm not joking. That's awful, but great. But they get benefits out of it, too. They're reporting benefits out of it, too. Like, people are, they're reporting benefits out of it. They, like, find, like, a spot on the body, or the brain, rather, where they can hit it from the outside and it makes some sort of an impact. Damn. When you think about your skull, right? Think about your skin and your skull.

If somebody shaved a part of your head and attached some shit to the side of your head and then shot electricity into that area, like, your brain's going to be affected by that. I mean, it's right there. It's like pounded on the outside of the brain. There's got to be some of it that's going through, right? There's got to be some energy that's going through. Some things happen. And that brain's like, I know Kung Fu. Like in The Matrix?

It's interesting. Maybe even you could put like watch batteries on a molar so there has to be like another way to put it in you're having a skull cap that has like a battery attached to it that you can just wear every day or something yeah something like that i guess this is exactly it go scroll back up please scroll back up i've seen this what is it hold on stop folk dot hold on what is it doing is it spazzing on you? We got to get a new laptop, huh? Things get old. Folk.us.

Transcranial direct current stimulation headset helps get your game on. Wait a minute. Let me pause right here. Speaking of game on. I'm done filming my special, so we got to get a fucking LAN party going on up in this bitch. Yes. Now that Quake is out, I talked to the Razer people.

They're gonna hook us up with some gaming laptop. Oh, you mean they're putting Quake back out, right? Quake is coming back out. This is the Quake Champions or something it's called, I think. It looks badass. You mean Razer, the best PCs you can buy? Yeah. Well, they have...

Wait, Razer's a PC? Well, it's interesting. I told you that I was one of the people that helped them design their mouse in the late 90s. Me and my friend Lou Morton, who's one of the writers of News Radio, who's a super smart dude and a fucking

total Quake head back in the day. He was way better than me. He used to beat my ass. I remember I beat his ass one time. I was so happy. Most of the time he fucked me up. He was better quake quake was this crazy 3d um video game this is it right here this is the newest version of it okay and you play in the first person and it is fucking the new ones are unbelievably cool like the graphics are insane like look at this sexy i mean and the in-game footage of them actually playing the game is just magical. Look at this shit.

Woah. Come on. Why real life? Fuck real life. Yeah. Real life? Suck my dick. Look at this. My kids would love this. You don't have any kids. Yeah, I do.

You can't- They're pretend. Oh, okay. Woah, see that? someone shot the uh oh my goodness eleanor you would be so aggressive with this yeah because i know you like you're so aggressive and i can't well people don't know we haven't told them yet there you are that's that's how he's there yeah i want to be her when's this coming out this things I think it's out man. This is out look at this This was an old game. You used to play that is now well. They've obviously

Significantly upgraded the graphics. I mean this is this is not really the game itself This is just the video game engine though that the game is based on so this is similar So violent it's similar to the some of it is like in-game real footage. Watch this. Someone killed me. Dude stabbed him with a fucking chainsaw hand. How about that? How great would that be if you had that in real life?

It'd be mean. Yeah. Don't do that to people. I'd be in a lot of trouble. When is that out, young Jamie? They just announced... I would guess next year. Yeah.

They just announced the set E3, and this is a big kind of announcement. God damn, that looks awesome. They're going to announce more in August about it. So they don't even know yet. Oh, cool. There's that, and then there's Doom, which is out. Yeah. And that's what we're going to have the LAN party playing.

There's a new Doom that's based on, I think it's the same engine. It's fucking awesome. So when you say you have a, what are you saying you're going to have? A LAN? LAN. Oh, local area network. LAN party. A local area network party is you get a bunch of computers, you link them all together so

that you have zero ping, so there's no latency. What that means is like when you play a game online, like at least in the older games, they're getting way better at it now. Internet speeds are way higher anyway. But when you would press a button, like try to shoot, there was a delay between the time that the signal got to the server that's hosting the game. And if you were real lucky, you had a low ping. Guys had a 30 ping or a 20 ping. You're like, whoa, that guy's got an awesome ping.

Then it got even lower. Some guys get cable modems and shit. And it got down to 10. And if you were local, though, there was zero ping. So if we were all together and we were playing in this room, we would play against each other in this crazy 3D environment like this. This is what we would see. I miss doing lawn parties.

This is real in-game footage. I mean, the in-game footage is fucking amazing. Look at this. This is all in-game footage. That's cool. And then some of it's not. Some of it's they're mixing up, but it's dope. I played like a weird game with my niece, Shauna.

I don't remember what it was, but there was four of us connected on the iPads. Oh, yeah. People do that too now, right? I'm not sure what that was. You do that with some tablets and stuff, right? It was a tablet. Yeah, yeah. Well, they're probably doing that with Pokemons, right?

Kind of, yeah. I mean, it's not direct-direct, person-to-person yet? It was a tablet. Yeah, yeah. Well, they're probably doing that with Pokemons, right? Kind of, yeah. I mean, it's not direct-direct person-to-person yet. It's so weird. Yeah, but it was cool. I was like, wait, we're all connected?

Like the idiot. Well, this is what they're going to do, man. They're going to have these things, like these video games like Doom, and they're going to have

those 3D, like virtual reality sets. And you're going to be playing these things out there in the real world. That's when people are going to start getting run over. I'm going to play in the real world

i just like to fight for real they're driving people around like uber service for pokemon right now there's oh my god dad's up i'll drive you anywhere you want to go for 30 bucks i take uber every day and that's one of the greatest benefits now that because usually you're just sitting in the back of an uber, God, hurry up. But now I was just collecting Pokemons on the way to the Comedy Store and back. So did you tell the guy, hey, pull over, I've got to get a Pokemon? No, but there was a few times where I was like, I almost wanted to say, hey, can you just go slow right here for a second? So as you go slow, it would pick up the fact that you were there?

Yeah, it's easier to go, if you're going slow, it's easier to get things. I thought I heard that you can't do it over 30 miles an hour. Like it has some sort of. You can. It doesn't work. It's harder to do. Like when you can't do your GPS. Oh, you're the driver.

You can't be doing this while you're moving. Right. But you say you're the passenger. You say, shut up, mind your business. They're probably going to have to change because I feel like a lot of people are going to die and get in car accidents and there's going to be a lot of lawsuits. So I have a feeling in the near future they're probably going to make it so if it detects that you're going a certain speed, it's

just not going to let you do anything. Did you get laid playing Pokemon Go? Pokemon Go is great for my mental health. I also got laid. Pokemon got me laid. I just got laid by telling my girl I had to go inside her to catch a pikachu in pokemon used her as a pokeball for the electric pokemongo pokemongo pokemongo

jesus christ that's hilarious pokemon the beginning like it i can't even i don't know anything japanese for pocket monster invisible monster or something. I think it's invisible monster. But was it a cartoon or something? Yeah. It was a cartoon and then it became a very successful line of video games for kids on Nintendo and Game Boys and stuff like that. But it was really all just preparing itself for this monstrous thing. For this moment.

But it brought it up. I mean, it was dying out. I should have worn my Pikachu outfit today. I'm so happy you didn't. It's obviously raised the stock. Would you say like $9 billion or something crazy? Yeah, $9 billion. I just saw someone else that said $11 billion. No, it went up already.

Jesus Christ, they're going to have all the money. Should we buy stock in it? Nintendo has been hurting for a while, too, since of Xbox and PlayStation, and this is the exact thing they needed. This sounds like they just made a money printing machine that's insane I don't know where the money comes in though because it's a free game no you can buy things in it like that thing that you put down on the ground that attracts Pokemon those things cost money also just the

potential the potential the connection that you're having to the if you all of a sudden created an app that beats Twitter, Twitter's been around forever. If you come up with something that can beat Twitter like that. Yeah, you could figure out how to make money on it later. Oh, my God. Snapchat just did that. Meanwhile, I say this, but hasn't Twitter had that same exact problem?

They've had a problem like. Monetizing now. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, Snapchat just surpassed Twitter. And I think Twitter's on its way out, honestly. Oh, my God. I could see how Pokemon could set up, they could set up, like, stops where, like, you could, like, have places that were places of business.

And you could pay to have that a stop. And people have to go in and then a certain amount of people would just buy things there anyway. But then you'd deal with a lot of fucking nutty people showing up at your ice cream store. Yeah. But now, wait, Twitter's on the nutty people showing up at your ice cream store. Yeah. But now, wait, Twitter's on the way out? I just learned how to tweet. Welcome. That's like 15 years old.

I quit. I can't. I didn't even join Snapchat, Clit, whatever it's called. I tried to get all of my different possible names. I mean, Snapchat is someone snatched up. Yeah. It's impossible. But I'm not really on Snapchat. I'm only on someone snatched up. Are you on Snapchat? Yeah. It's impossible. But I'm not really on Snapchat. I'm only on Snapchat to use the filters.

To make fun. I like the porn on there. It's so great. People send me some great porn. I'm not going to say who, but this MMA fighter that he's a comedian also. Easy. You just outed him. He has a different girl every night

that he sends me like just snaps of him fucking and i've seen his dick more than i want to but like he's sending him directly to you on purpose yeah so it goes directly to you he's great uh but no the porn is great though on there because a lot of girls use it uh a lot of porn stars and stuff like that use it like hey if you give me so many tokens or whatever, you can get my Snapchat. So then in their Snapchats, they're just like full on nudity. Snapchat tokens. Jamie, I don't know if this is correct, but isn't Snapchat owned by like a porn company like Pornhub or somebody, a famous porn company started Snapchat because they originally wanted to say, no? They originally wanted to have it as an app

where you can show your dick and it goes away in 10 seconds. But I swear to God, somebody told me that Pornhub is the... The dude who started it's only 26. I don't know that he also is involved in porn his whole life. How dare you, Brian. Somebody told me this. It could be his early investors.

You're saying somebody told me this as if you're shocked that people are retarded. Somebody told me this. A person. I can't believe it wasn't true. Well, people could definitely get it wrong. Yeah. That's funny.

Whoever told me was very sure. Because I was shocked. Yeah, they were probably on coke. They were coked up and they were telling the truth. I'm telling you, bro. It's the fucking truth. This is it, man. I know my shit.

Eleanor, what happened to that pro wrestling thing you were going out for recently? Okay, it was a script that's just, they haven't started casting yet. They just put out calls for it two days ago or something like that. People probably don't even know. But Eleanor was one of the women of wrestling. Wow, women of wrestling. Easy. Rider.

She used to crush pool balls and to scare her enemies. It was hilarious. That was my favorite video to make. Like, just to hit people and then to crush the ball. I had so much fun. I must have crushed like 30 balls that day just for fun because it was so cool. You're the only person that I knew before they did pro wrestling that I wanted to see them do pro wrestling. I remember you came.

Dom came. Dom and Sophie came. Yeah, we had a great time. We brought a giant Stack of people To the store Or from the store rather Oh who'd you get

Which one did you get There she is Talking trash How long did you do this for It was on for two That was Maria And Julia Rozzi's a comic And Maria

I forget her last name But they were Easy Rider fans Just like last time With a trip To the hospital Oh yeah How embarrassing Look at this

Watch Oh boy Mic drop Oh shit That was when we broke Selena's leg remember Yeah and didn't you Did someone break their leg

Accidentally Selena No she did And hurt her leg She pulled a muscle Yeah doing she pulled a muscle or something so there's a big there she is pulling a muscle yeah she had the brace the knee brace she had something going on i can't remember yeah well i mean it was part of the story mostly strong mullet good lord she was our trainer and she is amazing and so is the big lady that's with me um thug we did this for uh two

seasons wow it got canceled because um we did a pay-per-view and i can't look at that and they didn't make any money yeah it didn't make any money and it wasn't just doing well it just wasn't doing that well in the ratings but david mclean the guy the producer he's bringing it back and he's putting it digital and i'm going to be an announcer. Oh, really? Yeah. So obviously I'm not going to let them throw me around. I could break a hip.

But I still love it because they trained us to be professional stunt women, you know? Oh, this is hilarious. Well, it was really physical. Yeah. She hit me with a chair and I broke my pinky. What was the one girl that was supposed to be like the Baywatch girl? Oh, there was two of them. There was a bunch of different characters, like Compton

girls. They were a little racy. All the stereotypes. There was one girl, God, I can't remember her stage name, but she basically played basketball. Slam dunk. That was what they called her. Slam dunk. I knew it was something silly. And meanwhile

she's an amazing athlete and she still I don't know if she's coming back for this one but Jungle Girl, Erica Porter. She runs a gym. Jungle Girl. There's their slam dunk. Her name is Jungle Girl? Jungle Girl was one of the other characters but she's

That shit is not going to fly today. That's Bronco Billy. Lisa Danielle. She's beautiful. She's great fly that's bronco billy lisa danielle she's beautiful she's great she's from baltimore but that where are the uh summer i forgot that look at that mullet yeah there was summer there was a bunch of different characters selena majors jeez louise a long time ago in the early 90s i believe or late 80s there was a show called glow gorgeous ladies of wrestling and that was the same producer and they're the ones That have a script out called glow and it's bought Netflix bought it cage Property of the state what does it say?

Yes, oh my god property of the state prison This is girls in orange jumpsuit every one of those girls are so talented. Like, great athlete. Amazing stunt. They really are strong. Danger. So they did it for two years. You guys did this. We did it for two years, yeah. And how many shows? Like, how many shows

a year would you do? We did, that must be the new cast. That must be the newer one. Yeah, because there's Lana and all the girls. Erica Porter's so strong. I love her.

And Elle, her name was Danger. She's like a professional stunt person that does movies love her. And Elle, her name was Danger. She's like a professional stunt person that does movies, everything. But yeah, so we did,

I forget how many shows, but it was at the Forum, which was amazing in Englewood. Yeah. So we would train at the Forum and we'd be running around

jogging. And Michael Cooper would be, he was the coach of the Sparks at the time. So like Lisa Leslie and that would be down there.

We did the UFC there recently. Oh, that's awesome. Isn't it such a great place? I mean, it's a giant facility. It's amazing. And then on the walls, it has all the different people that have played there every year. Yeah.

And how many times they played. Was my name up there? Holy shit. Weird. No. Oh. No. I think Dice's name was up there, though.

Oh, yeah. Dice did the form. That's right. Yeah. It was filled with up there, though. Oh, yeah. Dice did the form. That's right. Yeah. It was filled with legendary musicians, though. When you're walking down the hall and you're reading how many times Queen was there. Yeah. Yeah.

It's amazing. That's a great spot. It's historic. Yeah, there it is. I was honored to be. Yeah. That's all from my Instagram. Stevie Wonder, Dewey Brothers.

Easy Rider. Alice Cooper. The Kinks. It's crazy. And this is like Elton John four times in a year. Ka-ching. Just crazy. David Bowie.

Man, wild shit. It's just those places are so interesting to me because like these old, old venues, they're almost like a museum as well as being like a place where you see a show. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so much went on in that place. So many. You could feel it even being in there during the day.

Like I was so honored. I know we were just wrestling, whatever, but it was a big deal to me like to be a part of that. Well, that's one of the reasons why I think like the comedy store has to get some sort of historic designation they should we've tried to get that i remember doing it should happen because that that place is like historic it's like a museum i mean it really is i mean from the pictures on the walls to just the feel of the place and how important that is for one particular art form. You know, that place is like a fucking museum. Like a living, breathing, awesome, you can go to it right now museum.

I feel like we tried to get it as a landmark or something like that, but it didn't work because... There's too many bodies underneath it or something. Like the Chinese theater. Like, wouldn't you think that that place needs to stay around? Yeah. Man's Chinese theater. That's historic think that that place needs to stay around yeah man's Chinese theater that's historic right yeah

considered it I would imagine it should be it has to be they should try to do it before Mitzi passes because

so it can't get torn down well that was the whole thing yeah like when I was her personal assistant we tried to get all kinds of stuff like that done because there was like

they were coming after us for different things like not being up to date on certain codes, laws and things. And then we were grandfathered in from a lot of them and we got away with a lot of them. So it was like weird, but I remember trying to get that. And I don't know if they ever followed through with that. I'll have to find that out. Check it out. But they definitely should. You're right. Yeah. It's because it was there way longer than Ciro's. Ciro's was a hot spot back in the day. That was like where Lucille Ball hung and all that.

Like the main room. That was a big deal to Hollywood, too. But I don't know how long that was open. Maybe only five, eight years. Ten years, maybe. Yeah, but there's so many pictures of Marilyn Monroe and all these people. No, it's giant.

It should be historic. Sammy Davis Jr., Frank Sinatra, they would play there on the weekend like a regular thing. But with that logic, then it should have never been allowed to become a comedy store.

That's what I'm saying. I'm not sure what the etiquette is. I don't remember what that part... Yeah, how long was it, Ciro's? I'll have to figure that out. Not too long, I don't think. Couldn't have been nearly as long as it, Ciro's? I'll have to figure that out. Not too long, I don't think. Couldn't have been nearly as long as it was the store, right? No, no, no.

No, but when she got the original room first, right, and then she bought the main room later. So when she bought the main room, what she bought it for was she loved that Ciro's thing, that vibe, you know, like the big bands and stuff like that. So she would have Buddy Rich on the weekends at the comedy store playing, like his band. And I remember Dice going... 17 years. Oh, shoot. Serials was 17 years.

Yeah, opened in 1940 and closed in 1947. Hmm. Transformed into a rock and roll club in the early 60s called The Boss. What was the guy's name that bought it? Oh, It's Boss. Became the comedy store in 1972. He was a DJ. Look at that fucking neon sign. Look how cool that is. Yeah, called The Boss. What was the guy's name that bought it? Oh, It's Boss. Became the Comedy Store in 1972. He was a DJ.

Look at that fucking neon sign. Look how cool that is. Yeah, we have that. Wow. We have the neon sign? I think so. Where? In the basement.

Holy shit. I was in the basement the other day looking at all this stuff. That's gotta be worth. That's why we do the Comedy Store podcast in the basement. Basement? They have that thing there? I didn't see that in there. Maybe I'm thinking of the big round one we have going in the kitchen.

The big round one from have in the kitchen. The big round one from the kitchen is amazing. But she, yeah. All that was in the basement when she bought it from the DJ. What was the DJ's name? I can't think of his name. He ran the main room. He owned that.

She bought it from him. That's incredible. Yeah. And that was 78? I'm sorry, not 78. 72 and then, yeah, around like 76 70 76 maybe wow she bought the main room and that became it's just a weird like for like four years awesome piece of history yeah you know like there's like just a few spots like that in uh in all of like entertainment where all so many things were created out of that one area yeah you know i mean it's not like a whole lot of those spots like they're important she wanted me to help her

write a book and i was thinking wow mitzi wanted me to help her write a book and i was like wow that would be so amazing i can't barely read a book but i'll try because i was so into the comedy store and then she um what she really wanted to make was like a coffee table book from all the stuff in Vegas. Because Vegas, she did go there in the Dunes Hotel for a while. Yeah. There were some great footage, pictures. She has audio. Well, they used to have Westwood, too.

Westwood, yeah. Westwood was a big one, apparently. That was all before my time. Yeah, me too. Westwood, apparently, was where guys would develop. So they sent Kennison and those guys down down there they would develop at westwood and then they would come over hollywood once they'd already got their feet under them yep yeah yeah dice has a lot of stories ronnie kenny all those older guys i wouldn't talk to they would always tell westwood stories i'd be

like what what are you doing but it was cool here it is there they are are. Comedy Store West. Wow. That's so cool. Look at Jay Leno. Yeah. He looks so fresh. So fresh and so clean. Look how cute Mitz is. Who are the other guys? Good question. I'm going to have to look.

Looks like Billy... Is that Rick Wright? Billy... He was just on Mark Maron's podcast. Billy... Billy West? The skinnier guy. I can't think of his name. He did a cartoon skinnier guy. I can't think of his name.

He did a cartoon. Billy West? I can't think of his last name. No? You already asked that. I asked it again. Maybe she didn't hear. I didn't.

Look at Robin Williams. Oh, he's doing Dolph on golf. He's so cute. Man. Nanu, nanu. And then, of course, La Jolla, which is real similar as well. It's just a strange place that people get sent down there, like, that are guys that are coming up. I got lucky.

It's an awesome club. With Tommy booking me in La Jolla a lot to develop when I first started, like, sending me down as an opener. And I'm just so broke. I was like, yeah, I'll take, you know, like, it was exciting. It was like 700 bucks just to host for the weekend. You're like, this is awesome. And so, yeah, I'll take, you know, like it was exciting. It was like 700 bucks just to host for the weekend. You're like, this is awesome. And so, yeah, I go down a lot. So I got like, I fell in love with that club.

As a comic, yeah. And the condo. Nick DiPaolo did a comedy special there or a CD. Well, he did. One of his CDs there. Oh, he's so funny. One of my favorites. One time I was a town coordinator for a week because Mitzi was going crazy

And like people were quitting Whatever there was nonsense happening So she was like I need somebody in there So I was taking avails and stuff And I noticed that Nick DePaulo didn't call in This is when he used to live in LA So I called him and I'm like hey do you have any avails this week He goes

I call in if I have avails you don't call me And he hung up on me I was so mad that's like DePaul for you yeah but those are my favorite comics I would call them and see

Eleanor where you at next because I got to close this thing out okay let's close it up I am at the La Jolla Comedy Store July 22nd and the 23rd and then I'm doing

July 30th with Dice at the Ford Amphitheater in Coney Island oh shit that's going to be a big one I'm excited to at the Ford Amphitheater in Coney Island. That's going to be a big one. I'm excited to be featuring for them there. Dice in Coney Island. Coney Island Amphitheater.

But La Jolla, I'm excited. The 22nd and 23rd. Beautiful. Who are you working with down there? I'm headlining. But I mean, who are you working with? Gene Pompa was on the show and I forget who else. I don't know who's on, but I love Gene Pompa. Headlining at the Comedy Store in La Jolla.

I love it. That's awesome. Congratulations. Very exciting. All right, folks, that's it. If you want to get a hold of Eleanor and send her pictures of your dick. Oh, yeah. And listen to the Comedy Store podcast.

Yes. Listen to the Comedy Store podcast. And what's your Twitter? EJ Kerrigan. EJ Kerrigan. And Instagram? Do you got an Instagram? Yeah. Same thing. EJ Kerrigan or Eleanor Kerrigan. And Instagram? Do you got an Instagram? Yeah.

Same thing. EJ Kerrigan or Eleanor Kerrigan. Eleanor J. Kerrigan is my website. And Brian Redband, Redband on Twitter and Instagram and DeathSquad.TV for comedy shows. Got anything coming up? Irvine Improv tomorrow and Friday Ice House. Nice. Beautiful.

Irvine Improv is awesome. So beautiful. So is the Ice House, obviously. All right, fuckers. See you later. Thank you.