The Joe Rogan Experience - #829 - Wayne Federman

Episode Date: August 2, 2016

Wayne Federman is an American comedian, actor, author, comedy writer, and musician.

Yes! Wayne Fetterman, how are you, sir? I'm swell, thank you. Swell? Swell, yeah. First time anyone's ever said that. Really? On this podcast, when I asked him, how you doing? Swell. You're the first guy.

Well, and what number podcast is this? It's 800 and something. 800? Yeah. I wrote it down, 29. 829, so you're the first guy to ever say swell. What's the usual response? I don't know, it's just standard noises, you know.

Great. Awesome. Terrible. You know, standard stuff. Okay. The way people normally talk. Well, you're going to learn something about me. Wow.

Not standard. Swell. Yeah. It's catching. It's catching. So we were talking before this podcast about someone stealing your Twitter handle, man. I inadvertently posted at Wayne Fetterman. Right.

And I thought it was you because when you go to it- I did have it. It looks like you. Oh, I had it. So how did this guy steal it? I don't know. So he stole your password somehow. Somehow.

That's the scariest part. So how does Twitter not respond to that? I don't know. I tried to go through Twitter and he wrote me, He's like, oh, don't you remember we – and then he told this story that didn't happen about – I can't remember. I mean, I have it on here if you want to look it up. And I was just like, I don't want anything to do with this guy. This guy's a liar. But now I'm – this is the first time I've ever talked about it because he has, obviously, access to my password.

Yeah. So your password... But I had two accounts. I had at Fetterman, which is my main one. Am I talking too loud? No. Okay. I get excited about these things. Well, that's something to be excited about. I mean, that's your fucking name and someone stole it. I had at Fetterman and I had

at Wayne Fetterman. I had them both. And one was just going to be to put people to at Fetterman, because I like that one a little better. Why do you like that one better? That's a good question. These are already good. All right, let me think.

I didn't know it was going to get this intense. This is crazy. These conversations are happening. I don't know. I just like the simplicity of it more than Wayne Fetterman. Well, it's an unusual last name. There's not a lot of Fettermans, so you could hang on to it like that, you know? So let me turn it back on you.

Am I allowed to do that or just to answer? We're friends. Come on, man. Okay, so let's... We've known each other for 22 years. Could you get at Rogan? I don't think so. I wouldn't want to.

You don't want that. No, I mean, Joe Rogan is a small name. It's J-O-E. It's quick. Yeah. R-O-G-A-N. It's not hard. I don't like the name Wayne.

Anyway. But I bought Joe Rogan. There was another guy named Joe Rogan. You bought his identity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was his real name. I think I had originally Joe Rogan. You bought his identity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was his real name. I had, I think I had originally Joe Rogan Experience, like the same as the podcast name.

I think that's originally what I had. Right. And this guy had Joe Rogan, so I contacted him. And I said, hey, man, can I buy that from you? And he said, sure. And he sold it to me. Am I allowed to ask? I don't remember. I don't allowed to ask? I don't remember.

I don't remember the number. Wait a minute. Now that I'm thinking about this, this might not totally be true. That might be MySpace. I think MySpace I bought. I think I bought Joe Rogan on MySpace. When was the last time you were on MySpace? Oh, it's been never.

It wasn't even me. I think every seven years you're a new person. They say that your cells completely swap out. It wasn't even me. I think every seven years you're a new person. They say that your cells completely swap out. Yeah, I remember that as a kid. It's not really me. So it's been more than seven years for sure. It's weird, right? It's weird how people just decide. Like everybody was saying,

MySpace is dead. And then everybody was like, Shit, MySpace is dead. Time to get the fuck out of there. But I'm still on there. Are you? Come on. I never check it or anything. Are you? Mm-hmm. Come on. I never check it or anything.

Do you use it? No. No. But I still feel like I'm on there. Hmm. And there's a girl. Can I make a recommendation about a girl? On MySpace?

No. She's on YouTube. She's on YouTube. But she wrote a song years ago on the ukulele, which is one of the many instruments I play, as you know, and it was called My Hope is the name of the song. It's my recommend. And it's about parents forgetting their password to shut down their MySpace account and their

kids as teenagers reading it in the future. I tried to shut my MySpace down. It was no good. It couldn't shut it down. Yeah. I don't think they want anybody to shut it down. Yeah, they don't. I think they think somehow or another it's going to come back. But didn't it just get sold again?

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. I think they keep trying to move it around and sell it. If I'm not mistaken, and I know, I don't know if you're into bands. I'm going to find out a lot about you, but I feel like bands still have a presence on MySpace. Jamie? Not bands you want to see.

I don't think anyone's on there. I think it's a dead zone. Okay. Alright. Dead zone. The dead zone. Did you ever see that movie? Yes, I did. Yeah, Cronenberg? That's a good one. It's a good movie. I read the book, too. What? It's a good book. Do you read a lot of those? Sometimes. I can't read fiction. Really? You just read non-fiction? Guess what? We're learning about Wayne Fetterman today. I read both. I Do you read a lot of those? Sometimes. I can't read fiction. Really?

You just read nonfiction? Guess what? We're learning about Wayne Fetterman today. I read both. I prefer fiction, though, I think, for reading. But I like reading nonfiction, too. I'm reading a book about coyotes right now. Obviously fiction.

No. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, Joe. Well, you can have a nonfiction. It's about a talking coyote. You can have a fiction coyote book. Why would you say? Well, the title even sounds like fiction. It's like a spiritual and supernatural history of the coyote.

Of the coyote. Yeah. And give me one fact I need to know about a coyote. They're wolves. The same family. Yeah. All of them. Exactly the same animal.

Like a dog is exactly, like, you know, a dog can breed with dogs. Coyotes are wolves. They're a small wolf. And they're originally called prairie wolves. Yeah. I remember that. Here's a history of the name coyote. They used to call them, the people that landed here used to call them, you know, the early

settlers called them prairie wolves when they first encountered them. Like Lewis and Clark. They first shot one and they thought it was a fox. They wanted to see what it was. They shot it. They examined it, and they said, that's not a fox. It's a small wolf. Classic white guy.

Let's examine this. Kill it. By shooting it. Kill it. And let's take a look at what we got here. So they used to call them prairie wolves, and then the trappers encountered Native Americans wolves and then the trappers encountered uh native americans who uh called them uh coyote because that was the aztec word for them the aztec word was coyote and then the trappers um encountered uh or the native americans encountered spanish uh people from spain

they called it coyote because because they had the Spanish pronunciation of the word coyote. And then the trappers could not say coyote, so they started calling them coyotes. So coyotes, coyote, and prairie wolf. Those are the original names. And of course, coyote, which was the Aztec name.

And you still have 420 more pages to go the book's fascinating it's really fascinating what's really fascinating it's by this guy dan flores what's really fascinating why would i know that name there's the book right there you see it up on the screen a natural and supernatural history oh i don't know why you would um what's interesting is the the more like the reason why coyotes are all over the country now, they're in every single state. Every single city. Including Hawaii. No, they're not in Hawaii.

That's a state. It's not really. It's a country we stole. We stole an island from a bunch of brown people. It's fucked up, Wayne. It's called a state. It's bullshit. The last state.

It's their own country. 1959, it became a state. I's called a state. It's bullshit. The last state. It's their own country. 1959, it became a state. I don't buy it. It's going down. Leave them alone. It's going down on the experience. I feel like anybody, I think they should, you know, probably be protected by us, but that's their own country.

I feel like that. Give it back? Like, uh, what was that song? Uh, give it back. Yeah, yeah, what was that? How Give it back. Yeah, yeah. What was that? How do we sleep when our earth is turning? It was about Australia, but what was the name of that band? Yeah, it was about the Aborigines.

Yeah. How do we sleep when all our beds are burning? Give it back. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. They would drive around. The time has come to save fastfair. To pay the price. To pay our share.

Doom, doom, doom, doom. Wow, what is that band? I think they were a one-hit wonder. But I remember the lead singer was this bald guy. Yeah, he was intense. Very intense. Modern something? Boy. I'll think of it. I do not remember. But I remember the Yeah, yeah. Very intense. Modern something? Boy.

I'll think of it. I'll think of it. I do not remember. But I remember the video. So you're saying give it back? Yeah, man. What about Alaska? Give it back?

Nope, that's ours. We own that shit. Even though it's not part of the... Who else owns it? ...contiguous United States. Contiguous, right? Contiguous. Who else owns it?

Who? Canada? Give it to Canada? Fuck that. Give it to Russia? Give it back to Russia? And then they're it to Russia? Give it back to Russia? And then they're connected to Canada, which is connected to us? I'm just saying, I'm not for giving up Hawaii.

I'm just talking about the last two states that became. If Alaska was its own country, it couldn't defend itself, plus there's a lot of military in Alaska, U.S. military. I say we keep Alaska. Okay, so we're back to 49 states. Yes. You know, it'll help the flag, because then you can do the 7x7,

right? Well, that's the other thing. Hawaii has their own flag. Every state does. But they really have their own flag. They carry it around with them. They express it. Every state has a flag. But when was the last time you saw somebody driving around with a California flag

hanging off their car? True. Speaking of flags, here's something crazy. Okay. You may have spoken about it on the show. You've done 800, 829. So I don't know. I haven't listened to all of them. I assume you have. But? Six flags. Great Adventure? You're familiar with it?

Yes. Do you know the six flags? No. Are you curious? Sure. They're the six flags that have flown over the state of Texas. Whoa. If we can go through them. Yeah, let's do it. Oh, wow. There's more than, that's, Texas is that, it's not a state, right?

It's a republic. It's a state. It's a state. But they can kind of bail. They can, they're a state. They've thought about bailing before. Yeah, there's people that always talk about seceding is the word they use. But they can kind of bail. They can. They're a state. They've thought about bailing before. Yeah.

There's people that always talk about seceding is the word they use. It's the Republic of Texas. We're going to bail. We're going to bail. We're going to bail. Tired of this liberal bullshit. Okay. So obviously United States.

Right. Texas, state of Texas flag. Right. Spain. Spanish flag flew in Texas? flag. Right. Spain. Spanish flag flew in Texas? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was Spanish territory initially? Yeah.

Mexico? I believe Mexico. There it goes. Wait, don't. There's one crazy one. This is the crazy one. There's French, because it was obviously the French owned it for a while. Really?

Yeah, it's part of the Louisiana Purchase, right? Oh, that's right. But here's the craziest one. Confederate. Yeah. So when you say go to six flags, the sixth flag is the Confederate flag. That's not cool. I actually think it is kind of cool.

It is kind of cool, right? Like, if you think about it, you're like at this amusement park, you're like, oh, that's the French part, that's the Confederate part, that's the... It's weird that it was not that long ago that the Confederate flag was on a car that was on television every day. Right, you're talking about... The General Lee, I mean, Dukes of Havre. Yeah, yeah. Daisy Duk was on television every day. Right. You're talking about... The General Lee. Yeah. I mean, Dukes have it. Yeah. Daisy Dukes, I remember that.

Yeah. Yeah. The flag was on TV. Wait. First of all, the Confederate flag is still part of the state of Georgia's state flag, if I'm not mistaken. Is it? Yeah.

Oh, that's ugly. That's especially ugly because there's some... No, I feel like in the last 15 years, it's taken a turn. But before that, Leonard Skinner, if you ever went to one of their shows, did you? No, but they... Familiar with the band? They're from Florida. Leonard Skinner?

Yeah, they're from Florida. I'm a huge Leonard Skinner fan. Where in Florida? I don't know. Somewhere that sucks. Jacksonville, I think. Yeah. Jacksonville?

Because I know Tom Petty's from Gainesville. Yeah. Did you know I grew up in Florida also? I used to live in Gainesville. I lived in Gainesville for three years. You didn't go to school? No, I was a little kid. Oh.

From the time I was 11 until I was 13. Let's see what we got here. There's the flag to 2001. Yeah. Up until 2001. 2001. Yeah. Up until 2001. Yeah, because I remember when Jimmy Carter accepted the nomination in 76, there was like a big, it looked like a Confederate flag because they had the Georgia delegation right down front.

That's crazy. Up until 2001, they had a fucking Confederate flag. Yeah, so what year is it? 2006? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The last 15 years. Yeah, you nailed it. That was their state flag. Yeah, so what year is it? 2006? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The last 15... Yeah, you nailed it. That was their state flag.

That's insane. God, that's insane. More Dukes of Hazzard style. Yeah, but Dukes of Hazzard at least is a TV show about a bunch of rednecks that are, you know, they run from the law and sell moonshine, or they used to sell moonshine.

I didn't watch that show that often. That was the show, yeah. No, I know. I didn't watch that show that often. There was a show, yeah. No, I know. I've seen the picture. I find, I guess maybe because I grew up in the South, like the Confederate flag, not crazy offensive, but now it's like the Nazi flag, right? Yeah, but it's amazing how it was accepted. That changed. Yeah, it was accepted.

The Leonard Skinner thing is a perfect example. The fact that Leonard Skinner had that flag flying everywhere. Yeah, yeah. And now you could never do that. You just can't do that. Unless specifically that was what you were trying to be provocative. Oh, man. But here, there's Leonard Skinner's flag. Look at that.

Yeah, that was their logo. It's within their flag. Now, Leonard Skinner with the surviving members. Rousington? It's not really flies. Now, Leonard Skinner with the surviving members. Rousington? It's not really Leonard Skinner, but what they're calling Leonard Skinner now. Lenny Skinner. It's Leonardo.

Very close. They don't try to rock that anymore. No, no. I'd like to know. I know Jamie's over here doing it. I don't know what year they did give up on it. They did? like to know i know jamie's over here doing it i don't know what year they did give up on it but they did within the last 15 years that they were like it's now a symbol of hate as opposed to a

cultural right situation yeah they was it's about the culture of the south it's about the culture yeah it was kind of that culture is kind of connected to something fucked up you're talking about slavery you gotta let it go is that slavery. You've got to let it go. Is that what you mean? Yes. That's what I thought. You've got to let it go. That's what I thought.

So we went through this securitist route to this coyote thing. By killing coyotes, you force the females to have more babies. The females' litters increase. They're a very strange animal. Like, if they call, like, when you hear coyotes call in the middle of the night, they're doing roll call Do it again It's a weird sound The first time I heard it

The first time I moved to California I was like what in the fuck is that But when I moved here Here's a perfect example In 94 When I was living in New York There's no fucking coyotes where I was living Like I was living in In Manhattan No I was in New Roch there's no fucking coyotes where I was living. In Manhattan?

No, I was in New Rochelle. But there's coyotes there now. There's coyotes in Westchester. There's coyotes in New York City. They've actually gone into the city. There's a bunch of people that spotted one. No. They are the opposite of endangered.

They're everywhere. They are one of the most prevalent large animals in North America. They are everywhere. They're in every single state. Okay. Just a million questions. What is the population increase since the Lewis and Clark? 100%. Yes. Not only that, their range. Their range has increased. What's interesting about them is when they're persecuted, they spread out. They expand their range when they're persecuted.

It's like Jews. Whoa. I'm kidding. I'm Jewish. You're allowed to say that. You can say that. I can't. You couldn't say that?

No, I'd get in trouble. Okay. Sorry. Especially if I was wearing a Confederate flag. I'm sorry. Anyway, Coyote Book's awesome. How did we get to that? We were talking about books.

Nonfiction. Yeah, we were talking about- You were asking about- You were talking about some book. Awesome. How did we get to that? We're talking about books, nonfiction. Yeah, we're talking about... You were talking about some book. No, I was... We were just talking about... I was saying that I don't read fiction, and you just said that's the last thing I'm reading. I read only nonfiction. I can't get into it. Really? Yeah, I could get into a Coyote book, you know, a nonfiction book, but like a Jack London story. Has it always been that way? Well, you know, you had to in school read those books.

I had to. You were forced to. You never got into books? Like, they were never, like, fascinating? My brother was, but I was not. He had Robert Heinlein and all the science fiction books. I mean, I read a few, and I few, and I just get, I love movies. You do.

That's how I get my fiction. Well, movies are better if they're done right. What's really better is television shows. The long-form TV shows. Yeah. You like that. Like Game of Thrones. Yeah.

Because they can go so much more in depth. It is like a novel. It is like a novel. Yeah, because they can go so much more in depth. It is like a novel. It is like a novel. It's like a novel, but you're seeing it, and you're seeing amazing acting and music. Exposed breasts. Yeah, tit-hide.

Okay. Right, that's what's happening. Okay. Yeah. Because the one time, I don't watch Game of Thrones, but both times I've tuned in, I've seen naked breasts. Is it every week? They try. Is that just to get ratings?

How does that work? Well, no, because I think people back then just show their tits a lot. What? Yeah. It's not real. It's not back then. It's not even a real place. Could it be in the future?

It could be. Absolutely. Like Star Wars. Yeah, yeah. A long time ago. In a galaxy far, far away. You would think Star Wars is in the future, but it's actually in the past. You would think Game of Thrones is in the past, but it might actually be in the future.

Speaking of Star Wars, I just stumped a Star Wars nut. How'd you do that? It was about that song. You know, that's the Darth Vader's theme. There's actually, that's not the actual name of that song, but it's, But that song was not in the original Star Wars. What? Yeah. It wasn't? No. Oh my God. I've talked to a guy who's like, you're wrong. I was like, well, you're wrong.

And because I happen to be a nice guy, when I know I'm right, I'll never bet somebody. Oh, what a nice guy. Yeah. You should have just laid out the cash. I know, I know. How much do you think you could have got out of him? I don't know, maybe $10,000. $10,000?

Maybe $10,000. I'm a low. $10,000? I think I could have easily gotten. He was convinced. Is he a rich guy? He was, you know, a guy at the bar. We were just talking about Star Wars.

I've seen him all, the thing, he had a shirt. He should have went in. March of the, what is it called? March of the? It's called the Imperial March. The Imperial March. That's it. Thank you.

That is an iconic theme. Oh, John Williams. He's unbelievable. Is that from the second one? Yes. Empire Strikes Back? Yes. Hmm.

Wow. Interesting. I know. You wouldn't think so, right? A little bit of trivia. I'm not surprised now that you said it. I'm not surprised, now that you said it. I'm not surprised. They all kind of blend in.

But you were probably the perfect age to see Star Wars as a kid. I saw Star Wars a bunch of times as a kid. Yeah. It was one of those things where I think I might have saw it 13 times or something crazy. Because it was one of those things where kids in school would, how many times have you seen Star Wars? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bob's seen it 20. And this is, you're from jersey no i was born in new jersey but i

only lived there until i was six i spent my seventh birthday in a car on the way to san francisco lived in san francisco from 7 to 11 lived in gainesville flor Florida from 11 to 13. Boston from 13 to 23, 24, 24, I guess. And then somewhere 23, I guess. And then New York for a couple years. And then here. Then here. Here. Wow.

Yeah. Are you Facebook friends? Are you on Facebook? Like, personal? I use Facebook only in that Instagram is connected to Facebook. Oh, okay, okay. I don't go there. Are you friends from any, do you have any friends from your San Francisco years?

No. That you're still in touch with? No. Or Florida. Or Boston. Only Boston? Boston and New York, yeah. No one, you've never gone to a show and someone's come up to you and go, you know?

No. You know, when you're a little kid, it come up to you and go, you know. No. You know, when you're a little kid, it's hard to stay friends with people for that long, you know, like that you don't, if you don't stay

in the neighborhood, stay in the area. Yeah. And I just didn't stay there that long. I only lived there, we moved around a lot, man,

which is not good for you. I moved around a lot as a kid, but I mean, maybe not as much as you, but similar, similar, similar to that. Yeah, it's, I don't think it's that healthy for kid. I mean, maybe not as much as you, but similar to that.

Yeah. I don't think it's that healthy for kids. I thought it was good. I thought I learned a lot of great skills. Well, you definitely do. You learn people skills. You learn how to communicate with people. But you also don't.

I feel like that's a pretty important thing in life. It is. But I also think that some people, they gain something by being secure and having friends and a community. Oh, with confidence? Yeah. Yeah. Are you...

You're not implying you're not a confident guy. I think I got my confidence from martial arts. And I went to martial arts because I didn't have any confidence. Oh, my God. I'm going to start crying. This is the most sensitive I've ever seen you in my life. What is happening? I didn't even think that's sensitive.

Is that sensitive? Yeah. You're less like I was just. Now, all of a sudden, I see this kid, you know, eyes darting around, no friends. All of a sudden, like. That was me. Really? Oh, yeah, for sure.

Oh, my God. And then you were like, I need something. And so you started taking steroids and doing martial arts. People were picking on me. Really? Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, my God. And then you were like, I need something. And so you started taking steroids and doing martial arts. People were picking on me. They were? Yeah. No, I didn't take steroids. I'm kidding.

What kid in high school did? I did take some when I was older. You did? Yeah. Oh, I had no idea. I was just making a joke. Most of the stuff I took was stuff that you could buy at GNC. But they used to sell stuff at GNC that's now totally illegal.

Right. When Whitacore was doing it, when McGuire was hitting it. Nah, he was taking real steroids. Oh, you know? He was lying. Yeah, 100%. But there was something that's now illegal at GNC. Yeah, a bunch of those things.

Yeah. Yeah, but there's stuff that you take now. Like there's an issue that's going on constantly with UFC fighters where they go to some sort of a vitamin store and buy some stuff. And it turns out that these supplements that they're buying have steroids in them. Steroids? Steroids. Wow. Yes. Okay.

When you took, you said you did take the GNC. Yes. I took the strongest shit I ever took was a stuff that's totally illegal now. It's called Mag10. Mag10. Okay. Now, when you, just because I've never taken anything like that, can you feel it when you take it?

What's the reaction? Your body recovers better. Recovers better. Yeah. That's what really happens. Do you sleep better? No. Not on the stuff that I took.

How many hours do you sleep? I try to sleep a solid eight. I think it's super important. It's one of the most important things as far as relaxation, recovery, you know, if you work out a lot. And did you work out earlier today? Yeah, I worked out today. Wow, that's impressive. Why is it impressive?

You don't work out? I play basketball and tennis. Those are workouts. I know, I know, but I don't work out? I play basketball and tennis. Those are workouts. I know, I know, but I don't really do them in the morning that often. When do you do them? Like in the afternoon. So you're easing your day? Ease.

Is that what you do? I'm like that kind of comedian. Yeah, well, that's most of us. Yeah. Most of us ease into the day. I would assume. I get up and I attack that motherfucker. I like to work out hard first thing in the morning.

Like this? Do you do these? Lifting weights. Do these. He's doing the pressing motion. Yeah, I do some of those. Do you do these? The curls?

Well, most of the weight lifting that I do is with kettlebells. Oh, yeah. I know that. Those things behind you on the ground, those are kettlebells. Yeah? Those are. Well, when I said, yes, I knew what they were, I didn't really have to turn around and look. I knew exactly.

Well, they're right there. Do you want me to try to lift them? No, you don't have to. Maybe later. Maybe. I don't want you to get hurt. Okay. Can I flash forward?

I have more workout questions. When does this, how do we know this is over? We decide. We say it's over right now. You say it. We can pull the plug. Right now? Right now.

You want to do it? No. Okay. No, I'm over right now. You say it. We can pull the plug right now. You want to do it? No. Okay. No, I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying it. I just want to know. Because if I run out of steam, do I? I'm going to do this.

We'll just go. Don't worry about it. I'm going to tap out. Well, definitely you don't want to think about that. That's all I'm thinking about. Yeah. You can't think like that. Oh.

Yeah. Well, that's the same thing with working out. If you work out and you go, man, when am I going to get tired? You'll start getting tired. You have to think about what you're doing. You gotta be present. I'm getting some life in the moment I mean like it's very important course almost everything in life, right? Do you ever read the right every be in the middle of sex going when this is gonna be over? And then it's over

All right. Well, that's Can't think like that. I understand. I i understand i don't really have a problem with that okay with but now it seems like you might think you have a problem now all of a sudden that's it my creeps into your head that's that's it did you ever read the book the power of now you know when i have is that's eckhart tolle yes yeah i have that book on audio tape i have not finished it i hope to god it's not him reading it. I do not know who wrote it. He's got the worst speaking voice.

It's horrible. Really? But his book is pretty good. Yeah, I remember thinking, this is kind of cool, but this is a lot of stuff that I already kind of practice and kind of know. Into it. It was quite a few years ago that I was listening to it. The worst guy ever to read his books on audio tape? Let me hear. Stephen King. Oh, really?

Oh, God. He's awful. I mean, he's one of my favorite authors. I love him. Huge fan of his writing. But, oh, my God. When he reads it, it's death. Like, you literally want to fucking just... I used to listen to him back when it was cassettes. And one time, I fucking

pulled the string, the tape out of the cassette so I could never listen to it again. I'm like, this is fucking terrible. And I threw it in the garbage can. You couldn't just throw it in? I was mad. Obviously.

It was so boring. His reading is so awful. Do you remember the book? Was it Cujo? Was it Christine? I do not remember. I've listened to a bunch of his stuff on audio tape. And actually, Duncan was talking about it yesterday.

I didn't realize it was Frank Mueller that was one of the best guys at reading it. He did the Dark Tower series. He read the Dark Tower series, a Stephen King book. But yeah, Stephen King. One of my favorite authors. My least favorite ever reader of his work. That's great. Favorite author, least favorite reader.

Yeah, that's my... Steve King. I don't think he's my favorite author. He might be, though. He's fun. You know who he's really good to? His son. Ernie King.

Joe Hill. I don't know. His son's name is Joe Hill. I don't know. His son's name is Joe Hill. Joe Hill? Yeah. Wait a minute. Yeah, he changed his name so he didn't have to ride his dad's pony coattails. Ponytails?

I was like, ponytails. Isn't Joe Hill a famous character in a... I'm going to say... That is his name, right? I'm not blanking, am I? It's Joe Hill, heart-shaped box? Yeah. He's really good.

You don't remember the song Joe Hill and about the worker who died? I think you're thinking of Jolene. Hey! Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene! There he is. Wow, he looks like Stephen King. That's crazy. That's him?

Yeah, that is him. Joe Hill writer. Can you do me a favor and look up Joe Hill union activist? Because I think there's a... Did you ever see the movie Woodstock? Shot in 1969. It was about a music festival. Here's the guy.

Upstate New York. Well, I know about the music festival, but I don't think i saw if i'm not joe hill ain't dead don't mourn organize yeah it's about a unit if i he like died in some kind of maybe union act accident or something like that or osha interesting and when joe baez sang in in woodstock that's one of the songs she sang was jo Hill. Oh, wow. I'm wondering if that's why I'm making this connection. Well, he might have changed his name to that on purpose. That's what I'm asking. Could be.

Yeah, okay. Could be. So that is, I got the name right. Because sometimes I think it's right and it's like, oh no, that was Ernie Hill and you messed up. Yeah, you know how sometimes like you'll say a word and you're like, that's not the right word. But it is the right word. It is, yeah, of course. Or especially like the way it's spelled and you're like that's not the right word But it is the right word. Yeah, of course

Or especially like the way it's spelled you like look at the way something spelled you like that can't be right What if there's a word for that? I'm looking at no, I'm looking at the pictures behind you. Are these all mugshots? Well sort of they're not Bullshit two of them bullshit. It's Elvis one is bullshit because he was at the White House. He wasn't actually getting arrested. Oh, that's his security thing? No, I think he took it as a joke. It might be a security thing.

Do you like him? Do you like Elvis? Is that why he's behind you? I am a fan of what Elvis kind of is. You know, he's like this iconic, crazy Americana figure. No question. That became a drug addict and got all fat and sweaty and died on the toilet. Yes.

I think there's lessons. That's not the way I like to remember him. There's lessons in Elvis. I mean, I think he certainly was a talented singer. But I'm a fan of him more of a cultural icon than I am even as a musician. And then Jimi Hendrix? Yeah, that's not real. icon than I am even as a musician.

And then Jimi Hendrix? Yeah, that's not real. See, that is the real writing, but the actual image is from one of the Jimi Hendrix Experience, which is where I stole the name for this podcast. Love it. The name of the band? Yeah. Mitch Mitchell? What? Mitch Mitchell?

That's the real one. See up on the screen? That is the actual real image. That's the real image. He got arrested the screen? That is the actual real image. That's the real image. He got arrested for heroin in Toronto. But this picture that I... And I bought this at a fucking nice gallery too, these cunts. And then Rosa Parks? Yes, but the Rosa Parks one is real.

That's 100% real. Is that when she... That's when she got arrested. You know she was... A lot of people get that story wrong, by the way. A lot of people think she story wrong by the way a lot of people think like she sat in the front of the bus and then was asked to move to the back of the well somebody else had done it before her of course of course of course of course but even the front of the bus

part isn't correct what part what is it it's kind of it's a very mean minute thing but i'm like a history dude there was a white section in the front, African-American in the back. At the time, they called it a black or colored section. She was in the colored section. But what happened was if the white section filled up and a white person went back to the colored section, sit down, you still had to stand up and give them your seat. Really? Yeah. And then she wouldn't do it.

And that was the start of it wow i did not know i know it's a small you know but everyone says oh she wouldn't go to the back of the bus like well that's even grosser i agree i agree it is grosser just like literally just sitting there and then just some guy just like yeah she's complying with your racist rules. And then you're like, not racist enough. Yeah. Yeah, so then that's when she got arrested. Parks' original seat. Wow, you're totally right.

Am I correct? Yeah, look at that. What happened to the bus? I've never seen this picture. There's a diagram like the Kennedy assassination. It looks like the fucking magic bullet. Rosa Parks boarded the bus and sat in an aisle seat in the designated colored section. Three stops later, the driver told Parks and three other blacks in her row to move to the back to make room for a white man.

The three blacks moved to the back. Parks slid to an adjacent window seat and refused to move. Wait, so it was even it was like okay just so i'm clear on this now that i'm learning something i almost feel like now like they didn't even want him to have to sit next to that's exactly what it was like that was an empty seat yep that's exactly is that right am i reading that right you're absolutely reading it that's interesting right that is it's awful that's awful That's interesting, right? It is. It's awful. That's awful. That's another thing.

That's not that long ago. All these things that are not that long ago, the colored flag being on, I mean, the Confederate, the colored flag, the Confederate flag being on the state flag of Georgia. This, what year was this? I want to say this is 60, what year was it? I want to say this is 60... What year was it? I want to say like 61. Does that make sense? 56?

Late 50s, right? Wow. I'm totally wrong. Montgomery, Alabama. System was legally integrated. Wow. So good. I learned a little something.

That's fascinating. Is that a staged photo then? Her right there? Yeah, like how if there was a full bus and there's a white guy behind her, what's this photo from? I don't know. Oh, I see. It's a Wikipedia photo.

They might have done that after the fact, right? What's in the upper right-hand corner? What is that? Is that the actual? Is that like, no, upper right-hand corner? Upper right-hand corner? Yeah. I've never seen you yell at somebody like that.

I think this is the bus. Does it yell? This is the bus where it's at. So, like, you can actually go there and sit in it? Yeah, there's a picture of Obama there. Oh, wow. So they took the actual bus and put it in the museum. Whoa.

That's it up above it. Someone should make a tour bus out of that. I think Outcast or something. You're talking about the band outcast yeah i think it might be better in a museum yeah i guess but it's not a thing to have in a museum i guess it is right it's like what wouldn't you decide what have you ever gone to one of those old west museums i went to an old west museum in montana it's pretty interesting where what city uh bozeman yeah i know bozeman butte billings yeah i know the whole tour up there pretty awesome uh museum but one of the interesting things about it was uh they had uh these old stage coaches and you just have to imagine taking one of those fucking goofy things across the country

like what not that long ago not that long ago i know that's not that long ago. Not that long ago. Not that long ago. Trapped by horses. That's the theme of this podcast. Yeah. Not that long ago. Well, it's really not that long ago. When you get older and you realize, oh, I'm almost 50.

That's half a hundred years. The Wild West shit, that was 200 years ago. 200 years ago. Less than 200. Yeah. Wild West is less than 200 years ago. Sure. It's post-Civil War, so it's like... Yeah.

150 years. Yeah. Well, I mean, when people first started coming, like, what year was it? I think the Wild West is like the 1870s. Well, 1865 is when slavery was abolished. Is that the end of the Wild West? No, that's the start of it. No. 1865 is when slavery was abolished. Is that the end of the Wild West? No, that's the start of it. No.

1865? Yeah. Before that, they were still traveling across the country, like Tombstone and Billy the Kid and all that jazz. I still feel like that's after all of that. But I might be wrong. I might be wrong because the 49ers, that's 1849, they're searching for gold in California. So people are obviously trekking across the country looking for gold in 1849. We know that.

The minor 49ers, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. That we know. So maybe 1850s and maybe 1850s. When was the Donner Party? Oh, is that the family that ate each other? Oh.

They got stuck in the mountain. Yeah. And that pass. Woo. That was intense. That's intense. Trying to get over the fucking Rocky Mountain in the winter, not good. Yeah.

Yeah. It would be like trying to do it with a hybrid. Right? Because those things don't have a lot of... Yeah, a Tesla. Yeah, the Donner party was, what does that say? 1846? Yeah. Okay, so we got it right.

Sierra Nevada. I was wrong about the Wild West. I guess it's 1840s. Still, again. Lewis and Clark was around 1804, so around 1820s is when... 1820s? The Wild West time period. I'm wrong. I'm wrong.

So it's essentially almost exactly 200 years ago. Yeah, you're right. You're right. That is so fucking recent, though. That's so goddamn recent. To think that 200 years ago there was no Chicago as we know it, giant buildings and airplanes, no San Francisco as we know it, no New York City as we know it. Well, New York City was kind of pretty cosmopolitan, but they definitely had like buildings and

stuff because there's some buildings from the 1800s in a lot of spots. But this entire country, go back 200 years, and it's not much here. That's strange. Really? Yeah. I'm more think it's beautiful and fascinating. That too. Yeah, I just think it's incredible.

They're not mutually exclusive, Wayne Fetterman. Oh, correct, correct. It's not the opposite. Could be both things. Right. It's all the above. Yeah, there's a... No, this country's a, you know, a big...

Fourth of July is my favorite holiday, by the way. Are you a big patriot? Or do you just like fireworks? I love fireworks. I even, you know, one of my favorite fireworks is just the one that flashes and makes the sound. Yeah, you know that one? Yeah, I know that one. I don't know what they're called.

Do you go to Disneyland and stay to the very end? No, I would. I would. I would. Yeah, I just, I love the whole thing. I love the idea of this country. Me too. I would. Yeah. I just, I love the whole thing. I love the idea of this country. Me too. Like what we went through.

I don't know if patriot is the word, but I would say I'm very appreciative of being lucky enough to live here. Yeah. Me too. We're lucky as fuck. I especially think that when I travel. You do? Whenever I go to other countries, yeah.

I go, hmm. You know, I was talking to this gentleman in Italy. I was in Italy a couple weeks ago. Right. And I was talking to this guy about he wants to move to Northern California. He wants he wanted to move to San Jose. And he has this idea. This is his dream to take his kids and move to San Jose. And, you know, it was kind of interesting talking to him about it. And then it got kind of sad because he was talking about his children he's like there's where he lives there's no hope he's like there's no future there's there's nothing to plan for there's no opportunities and he's like i really feel like my children would have an opportunity to succeed if they could go go to america i was like wow i mean that is what led my grandparents to come here. Yeah. Where did they come from? Italy.

Wow. So that's your... Most of them. My grandfather on my father's side came from Ireland. Everybody else, my grandmother on my father's side, my grandmother and grandfather on my mother's side came from Italy. All of them. Yeah. Not easy for the Italians and the Irish when they got here. No. Right? No. Not easy at all. Do you know any of those stories? Sure.

Were they passed down to you? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely, yeah. And they were all circus performers, right? No? No, they were wild pasta hunters. My grandfather grew up on a farm. Famous Rogans.

Yeah, same thing. Same thing. Same thing. No, I feel very, very, very fortunate and love it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, when you go to other countries and you really kind of get a sense of, first of all, how recent this experiment in self-government really is. Because, you know, when we were in Italy, we were, I took some photos of the Vatican and I posted them up on my Instagram the other day.

And one of them that was probably not maybe the most impressive, but the most put things into perspective. There's a floor of the Vatican where they have the statue of Hercules. And this tile mosaic floor is 1700 years old and people walk on it. Thousands of people walk in this mosaic tile and it's 1700 years old. And it's just a tile floor. I mean, it's just one thing of in this insane there. That's the floor right there. Look at that. That's 1700 years old. And that's one tiny aspect of the Vatican. The Vatican is so monstrously huge and incredible. It is one of the most breathtaking things I've ever

seen in my life. And the accomplishment of people from hundreds and hundreds of years ago that put together this building. You call them artisans. Yeah, I guess. Humans. Humans. Yeah. What the human beings can do is incredible. Insane. I mean, just along

the line, it's not quite as breathtaking as that. But just this morning, someone posted Steve Jobs' announcement of the iMac when that came out in the 90s, late 90s. And just, and then all the comments from the kids who were just like, oh, it would blow their minds if they knew the computer I'm looking at this demonstration on. Yeah. Like, just that's how fast, you know, everything changed. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

There it is. Yeah. Look at Jobs, his big fat face. And what is interesting- I don't remember him looking like that. This is before, this is pre-T-shirt and jeans, or turtleneck and jeans. Yeah, this is Jobs with a button-up shirt all the way up to the neck and a blazer. An office man.

Yeah, hair. He's got hair. But look how chubby his face is. That poor guy worked himself to death. You feel like that happened? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I feel like he crushed his immune system with his intense pursuit of excellence.

I really think that. I think that was a big part of it. Did you read William Isaacson's Isaac? No, I've read many accounts of people that worked with him, but I've never read any biographies on him. But, you know, I'm fascinated by people. That's a cautionary tale? Yes.

You do? Yeah, I do. I mean, I think there's balance to be achieved in life. And I don't necessarily think he achieved balance. I think he burned it. I think he went crazy and did the best to make incredible stuff in an amazing company that's probably one of the most innovative and influential companies in the history of technology. No question.

If not the, right? Probably the. And a big part of it was his vision. Right. Well, to me, the most amazing of all the things he did were what is those stores. Like, in my mind, I can't even imagine at a time when everyone's like,

brick and mortar is gone. Everything is online. Our literally our company is about online. Right. Like it's I is Internet. That's what iPhone, iMac. Right. That's what it's about. And that he had the vision to go, you know, I think it needs a store.

Yeah. A store. Like where you pay rent and you have insurance and all of these other overhead costs that Amazon doesn't deal with. Well, here's what's even better. Windows tried to copy them. Oh, have you been to those? And they don't sell computers.

Oh, the... Windows stores. The Microsoft stores, you mean. I think they call them Windows stores, don't they? Well, anyway, you go to them. Yeah. They don't sell computers. What do they sell there?

Just the software? They have computers out there. And you go, oh, can go to them. Yeah. They don't sell computers. What do they sell there? Just the software? They have computers out there. And you go, oh, can I buy this? Nope. Like, what the fuck are you selling? That's next level, man. I know. That is next level marketing.

You can't just go and like, you can go and like this laptop. You can go to an Apple store and you could say, hey, I want a Retina 15 inch, blah, blah, blah. And they'll go, okay, let me see if we have it in stock. Yes, we do. Come over here. Credit card. Would you like your receipt emailed to you? Yes, I would.

Woo! Do I have to stand in line? No, we just did it right here. And you get out of there, and you walk, and you got a computer. There's no other store like that. Other than, like, you go to Best Buy, and you can buy an Apple or Windows computer. Microsoft stores will have giveaways, special events, and no computers.

They don't have anything. They're like showcases for what they sell. Which is the... The Windows? I mean, maybe they sell Windows? Let's find out, Jamie. What the fuck do they sell? I just went in one the other day. You did? Well, let me guess the one you went into.

Century City. It was in Ohio, actually. Oh, jeez. Way off. He doesn't give a fuck. Terrible guess. Xbox stuff was a lot of the stuff they were selling because they sell Xboxes as a product Microsoft sells.

Oh, okay. So they sell games? A lot of games and things. What about Word? Microsoft Word? Isn't that a program of theirs? Yes. What's the spreadsheet?

What's that called? PowerPoint? PowerPoint. They did have a little office suite. They had a section that was smaller than the Xbox. Okay, but they sell a lot of those. They sell a lot of those. So they sell some software.

Yeah, but it's just a little card to download it. Yeah, everything gets downloaded now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, interesting. No, I mean, obviously, they just panicked and were like, okay, I guess we have to have some presence in these malls where these Apple stores are. Well, Windows computers are pretty fucking good now.

And they have touchscreen. A lot of them have touchscreen. Right. Like, I was at one of those Best Buys or whatever the fuck it was the other day, and I was checking out the Windows computers. I was like, it's kind of interesting. You could touch the screen. Would you jump?

Are you brand loyal? No, I don't give a fuck. But Windows have many more problems with viruses. They're way more vulnerable. And there's also compatibility issues because, excuse me, one of the things that Apple's done brilliantly is integrate all the parts. So the fact that you have the exact same video card as everybody else, you have the exact

same motherboard, everything works together, everything works seamlessly. The problem with Windows is what Asus is going to do is going to be different than what Dell is going to do, which is going to be different than what. And then you have to have all the drivers in order. And then different companies put their own proprietary stuff on there. And then there's also more ways, and obviously I'm not a computer expert, but there's more ways to exploit the Windows operating system, apparently, than there is to exploit Apple as far as like. Innovating?

No, no, no. As far as viruses. Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean, how many viruses have been... I mean, the number of computer viruses alone... Oh, that's a thing I was watching the other day. I was watching this documentary on Stuxnet and how they concocted this computer virus to attack the Iranian nuclear facility.

Oh, I know all about this. Woo, do you? Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, obviously I didn't recognize that name, but there's that documentary is out now? Yes. Where did you see it? In the hotel room. Hotel room in Atlanta. Yeah.

Because there's a book about it now and it's just like, that's scary. Because now you can ruin machines with computer viruses, correct? Yes, you can. Or launch a missile. Or shut down the power grid or do a lot of different things.

It's crazy what they did. It was the United States and Israel, if I'm not mistaken. Yep, apparently. But no one's talking about it. How did they get people to talk? How did they do it? Well, the people in the documentary, they were not real people. They were like a sort of a CGI version of a person they used to talk, and their voice was all scrambled.

But they were talking about the developmental process. And all the people, which is interesting, they were saying that all the people that work at the NSA, there's two types of people. There's like military-type people, NSA, there's two types of people. There's like military type people. And then there's like super nerds. There's like people with like one guy had, they were saying had a Death Star that he built out of Legos that sat on his desk. And like they had various dolls. Very remarked. They had various like superhero dolls

like laying around and stuff. Of course. They were like Comic-Con type folks. And it was interesting that they were sort of describing the environment of working there that is these sort of computer folks and super nerds,

super computer geeked out wizards who are working together with these military characters. And the military characters are sort of guiding them to try to create these viruses to attack these various facilities that Iran had. Okay. So let's say, again, no one goes on the record about this thing. Let's say this actually happened. Let's assume it did.

That was built at the NSA? I thought that was just about eavesdropping. Stuxnet? Yeah. The computer virus was built. There? Someone concocted it. I don't think they ever admitted or know for sure where. I don't know. Find out, Jamie. Pull it up. See what... Yeah, because I understood that it was israel and the united

states and that's how they shut down they grinded that centrifuge they yes they undermine the centrifuge in in iran and i think even that is a little bit speculation i don't think that's been 100 documented that we actually did it yeah Yeah. Or that Israel was involved? Or both. Yeah. I don't know if it's 100% documented. Well, yeah. No one goes on the record. That's why I was asking. Who was talking in this documentary? Yeah, I didn't watch the whole

documentary either. I watched about 40 minutes and I'm like, I get the point here. And then you went back to Game of Thrones with the space-exposed breaths? I don't know what I did. I think I was leaving. I think I was just watching it before I had to leave. I'm a documentary nut. Hmm?

Love them. What have you seen recently that's awesome? Tickled. Oh, you into that, huh? Jamie tried to get me to watch that. I saw Tickled. There's a lot of people that were thinking that was fake. Yeah, it looks fake.

At the beginning, I was like, I didn't know. Yeah, no, it's for real. I saw Tickled. I saw the Brian De Palma documentary. I saw Wiener. Did you see that? What's that? It's about Anthony Wiener, the congressman.

What is that? Incredible. Really? Joe. Highly recommend it. I'm not highly recommending Tickled. I'm highly recommending this. What's so good about Wiener?

Okay, you know what happened. He had a sex scandal. Right. Sex sting. Sex sting. Correct. Yeah. It's all behind me. I'm back with my wife, Huma. I'm running. I've resigned from Congress. I'm running for mayor of New York.

I'm a New Yorker, the thing. His ex, let me get this right, one of his top campaign aides wants to be a documentary filmmaker. He's like, do you mind if I cover your campaign? He's like, sure, you know me. I've worked with you before. You were a loyal assistant during all these, my horrible scandal in Congress and all of that.

I trust you. So he brings this guy in. Joe, you know what's happening. And then in the middle, and he's winning. He's actually ahead in one poll, the mayor, to win the mayorship. I don't know if mayorship is the right word. And the second sexting scandal breaks. While full access to him.

Wow. As it's happening. Inside. Jesus. And at one point, I'm not going to spoil anything. Obviously you know what happened. Spoil the shit out of it. At one point, you hear the camera guy, his buddy, just go why are you letting me film this?

It is so great. Oh my God. You can just hear him off camera. Why are you letting me film this? Well, I assume he got a piece of it, right? What does it say? Hilarious, like a spinal tap of politics. It's the full package.

Mind-blowing. One of the best documentaries ever made about a political scandal. Fast, funny, insightful, and outrageous. Politics at its insane best. And he's a smart guy. Wiener is a super smart guy. He's a great advocate, a great liberal advocate. Well, the problem is, like a lot of great people,

he has a bizarre sexual drive. And you're not allowed to express that if you're in politics. I mean, if he was an actor or if he was a musician or a comic, if he was one of us, he would have no problem. He'd be like, sorry, I fucked up. I'm a freak. And they're like, that Anthony Weir just keeps throwing his dick out. You'd be psyched for his next Netflix special where he would talk about it.

But unfortunately for him, he's in this bullshit world where you have to pretend you're something not real. You have to be sanctimonious about marriage. Yeah. Well, it's not just that. Sanctimonious? Sacred,ious about marriage. Yeah. Well, it's not just that. Sanctimonious? Sacred, right? Sacred, sacred, yeah.

It's not just that. It's also- Sacrosanct. Yes. That's it, right? I think so. Sanctimonious is like you're talking down to people who are not doing what you're doing, right? Right.

I think there's also the issue that we want someone who is a leader who we have very unrealistic expectations of them as human beings. We want them to be completely different than everyone we've ever met in our lives. And lead us. Yeah, and lead us. Right. And also have the desire to be that one person, that alpha. And those guys like fucking Kennedy and many, many, many other ones that I'm sure we don't know who was cheating on who or who was doing

those guys are always freaks Bill Clinton they are always freaks oh my god that you know Stephen Crowder Stephen Crowder made this video about Hillary and part of the video it was like all reasons why you shouldn't vote for Hillary Clinton it's the different things that she's done to cover up the different sexual scandals that her husband was involved in

But you see the list of sexual scandals and he was involved and it's like oh my god And this is only the women that complained course I mean it had to be a gang of gals that were a to a ride or die They kept their mouth shut they knew how to hang Ride or die. They kept their mouth shut. They knew how to hang. Oh, I see.

I see where you went with that. There's got to be. Of course. There's got to be. Of course. For every one of those gals that wanted to out him for all the dirtiness, that's the kind of guy that wants to be president. That's the kind of guy. They're always dick slingers.

Right? Yeah. And Anthony does kind of address that a little bit. Does he? A little bit. He talks, you know, once it broke, God, there's a, Joe, there's a scene in there where he's, you can see he's in the car and his assistant's like, what did we say? Did this happen just once?

Did this just happen? And he's like trying to figure out, you know, his press secretary. Trying to figure out, you know, his press secretary. And you can hear in his head replaying interviews he's given before where he lied. And like, oh, I shouldn't have said that to the New Yorker guy. Right, right. It just, yeah, it's just all camera, right? What does that guy do now?

He's the husband of... Huma. Yeah, Hillary's one of her top advisors he's gonna be very close to the white house if trends continue i'm not i'm not a predictor i'm not do you think hillary probably comforted huma because she's used to this shit she's like listen let me tell you about dudes she probably went down on her. Let me tell you. That I don't know. That's probably how she comforted her. That I don't know. That's what I heard.

Oh, really? Okay. I heard that on 4chan. Okay. Yeah, so that's a documentary I would recommend. All right. Of the ones I've seen recently. But I love them all.

And not I don't love them all, but I really like the genre. Yeah, I'm a big fan of documentaries, too. Give me a couple of your favorites. Merchants of Doubt. Have you seen that? Oh, yes. That is about the cigarette companies. Yeah.

And then... Well, the same guys who... Are now... Yeah. Into global warming. Yeah. We'll explain to folks at home what we're talking about. The cigarette companies hired these folks to go on all these different talk shows, like those talking head split screen shows on CNN,

where someone would say, cigarettes have been shown to cause cancer. This is a lie. This is a patented lie. Cigarettes are not addictive. They don't cause cancer. They just don't. it's a white guy yeah, and these guys would go on all these different shows and They would throw doubt into the what whatever the narrative was that the FDA or whoever was trying to say that cigarettes

Were bad for you the same exact guys not the same tactics, but the same human beings. Same dudes? Same exact guys. Same exact guys. It wasn't from the 50s. It was from the 70s. The 70s? The same exact guys went on.

Well, that was actually when the lawsuits were going on. It might have been the 80s. Anyway, same exact guys were then shilling for global warming a couple decades later. Oh, anti-global warming. Anti-global warming. They were doing the exact same thing. I've not seen this documentary yet. It's great.

It's great. Yeah, it's stunning. So Wiener level? I don't know. I haven't seen Wiener. I'd have to see Wiener. Okay. Wiener would make me cringe.

Yeah, it is. I mean, it's so human is the word I would use. Yeah. Well. Human. Huma. You can't be human in that world. That's a world that doesn't allow human behavior.

He was John Stewart's roommate. Was he? Yeah. Like in college or something or right after college. Well, he's a great speaker. Anthony? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He did some speeches before the first scandal. He had some speeches on the floor of the Senate, and I remember listening to him going, wow, this guy is going to be a force in politics. He's passionate. He's intelligent. And he knows how to frame. He's good at framing.

Yeah, he's righteous. Yeah, that's what I was saying. An unbelievable advocate. There's also another scene in the movie where, God, I can't think of the guy on that. Do you follow MSNBC at all? No. All right. One of their talking heads has him on, and it's this, it's almost like a meltdown interview. But it's, you see the interview on television, but also the video crew is there, like, just seeing him alone.

You know what I mean when someone's doing a remote interview just alone and he kind of has his look like i'm crushing this so he's not really aware of like how bad it's going wow it's yeah all right if you're into that at all i'll see it yeah you know what's interesting to me is that the same time while he was experiencing his meltdown charlie sheen was rising like a phoenix from the ashes, talking about doing blow and banging hookers and saying, you don't pay him for sex, you pay him to leave. And everybody's like, go, Charlie, tiger blood. It's your point. It's your point you're making exactly. About like there's the latitude of that kind of stuff.

What's interesting to me is that we've sort of crossed the divide with donald trump and donald trump is allowed to kind of do whatever the fuck he wants you know and especially when he is competing against hillary clinton who's been shown time and time again to be a fucking complete liar she's just an absolute liar on on a grand scale. Not just little lies, but lies about all sorts of things like the origins of her name, who she was named after. She's a crazy person. And she's a politician in a sober way. A very bizarre character. So when a guy like Donald Trump is competing against know, starts naming her Crooked Hillary.

Someone tried to get some traction by calling Donald Trump a womanizer and saying that he's a... And people don't care? Who cares a fuck? Of course he is. Look at him. He's a billionaire with a super hot wife who did lesbian porn, by the way. Did you see that?

I don't watch a lot of porn, but tell me about it. New York Daily News had some cover... some photos that they put on the cover yesterday. And it was, what does it say? Melania? How do you say it? Melania? With, look at that.

Pow, pow. Okay. Yeah. Chapausa, wowsa. Like, come on. That is not just the hottest First Lady, potential First Lady ever, but off the charts. It's like the difference between who's the toughest fourth grader and Mike Tyson.

Right. Gotcha. You know what I mean? I mean, it's fucking crazy. I mean, this guy is going to be the fucking president. It's super possible. It's not just 50-50 in my hand, because I think that as time goes on, she looks worse and worse. And the only thing that saves her is his outrageousness.

And I think he hired that guy. Who's that political strategist that he hired? Manafort. I do not remember his name. Paul Manafort? Is that his name? That's chief of his campaign the most recent guy that he hired about three months ago four months ago but the idea was that this guy is going to shape the new like the idea is like he's gonna

got the nomination now that he's got the nomination nomination secure now you go after hillary and you bring in all the people that are on the fence how do you do that you become more moderate you become more less outrageous with your statements and you try to point out the benefits of you versus the the problems with her of course if he does that successfully you think he has a chance yes 100 he has a chance he's the fucking Republican nominee he has a chance there's a lot of people that are just not going to vote for Hillary because they do not want more Democrats in office. They're like, E, fuck enough. Like this eight years of Clinton and then the eight years of Bush and then you got eight years of Obama. It just stands to reason that you're going to want to have eight years of some Republican now.

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I looked at the polls. I try not to follow it because I just feel like it's so overwhelming at this point. But I don't know. I feel like she's in pretty good shape. You think so? That's, again, I'm a comedian.

I'm like, just what's today? What's today? The 2nd of August? Yeah. So I'm saying this on the 2nd. We vote in November. We got a long way to go. We got 99 days. Gary Johnson. He's going to be on your show. Yeah. Well, he was'm saying this on the second. We vote in November. We got a long way to go. We got 99 days.

Gary Johnson is the... He's gonna be on your show. Yeah, well, he was supposed to be on Thursday. I was on a tweet with him. Yeah? Or am I... We're on a tweet with him? What do you mean? Well, you tweeted something with my name and his name. Oh, right, right, right. That's the first time I've ever... Most likely he's gonna have to pull out on Thursday, but he'll be back again. We've already had him on once before. How was he?

He was great. Great. He's great. He's a good guy. He's... I mean, I don't know if I agree with him about everything, but I agree had him on once before. How was he? He was great. Great. He's great. He's a good guy. He's, I mean, I don't know if I agree with him about everything, but I agree with him about most things. You know, he's got some interesting ideas, but he's a reasonable person. Like an actual reasonable person. You can tell. You can read a guy.

And the more he talks and the more he the more he speaks if someone is going to get hurt by him being around. The question is, is it going to be Trump or is it going to be Clinton? Someone's going to get hurt by this reasonable alternative. And this attitude that everybody has about, oh, you're throwing your vote away if you vote for him. Not if everybody does.

This is a stupid attitude. And the only thing that could possibly potentially fuck a third-party candidate is the Electoral College. That's where things get really weird. The Electoral College, the idea of representatives, you don't necessarily vote for the state picks a representative. The representative is the one who kind of puts in the vote. Yeah. So that could fuck them. picks a representative, the representative is the one who kind of puts in the vote. Yeah. So it's, that could fuck them.

And also the idea that you're going to throw your vote away if you vote for a third party candidate. That kind of fucks them. But we're going to have to come, there's going to come a time where we realize how ridiculous the two party system is. I'm with you on that. Everybody is. Who thinks it's great? Find me the

person who thinks it's great. I think the DNC Everybody is. Who thinks it's great? Find me the person who thinks it's great. I think the DNC and the RNC think it's great that they get to participate in the debates and get money and all of that. Well, they get to rig it. Yeah. The poor Bernie. Never had a chance. Poor Bernie didn't have a chance.

Never had a chance. They rigged it. And then she immediately goes to Hillary's campaign. Like a nice, juicy reward. Come on over. We'll get you some speaking fees. Oh, you're talking about Wasserman. Yeah, what the fuck's her name?

Yeah. Michelle Wasserman. Yeah. Whatever. I don't like talking politics, man. I don't. I feel like it's like talking about a magic trick. Well, what I really like is when he made her levitate.

He didn't really make her levitate, man. You know that, right? No, I do know. I saw it. All right. Let me ask you about this then. Please do. let's talk about michael page oh okay michael venom page oh that's his middle name yes or his stage you're

talking about the fighter yeah okay okay because i just again i you know so much more about this than i did but i saw the highlights of the fight and then youtubed his other fights yeah and i've never seen anyone fight like this have you watched his other fights. Yeah. And I've never seen anyone fight like this. Have you watched his other fights? Because there's one in particular. I've seen all of his fights. Okay, there's one in particular where he's fighting this guy, and they get down to the ground, and they're grappling around,

and all of a sudden he gets the guy's foot. Caught him in a leg lock, yeah. Gets the guy's foot, and he looks at the guy, and he starts smiling as he's turning his foot, and then the guy eventually had a... Yeah. And I was like eventually had a... Yeah. And I was like, this is like the... He's hands down.

Is that a style? Would you fight hands down? Well, you can. The thing about it is he has a very unusual set of skills. What he is is a sport karate champion. What sport karate is, point fighting is a style of fighting where you kind of dive in. I fought some point karate tournaments. Just tell me just quickly.

I don't know what point. Okay. Point karate is, the way it works is like there's a judge on one side, there's a judge on the other side. And there's two, there's, well, oftentimes there's several judges. And there's a judge on the other side and there's two there's well oftentimes there's several judges and there's two fighters and they stay on the outside and the idea is they blitz at each other they dive in and the idea is to try to hit a guy once and if you tag him if you do tag him they stop the action the referee steps in and then the referees will point like oftentimes there's an exchange of blows and the referees will say i got him oftentimes there's an exchange of blows, and the referees will say, I got him with the straight punch.

I got him with the round kick. And if there's no consensus, they continue to fight and no one gets a point. But if there is a consensus, if one guy won the exchange, they will give, like, there's a great point karate fight between Michael Venom Page and this guy who's fighting in glory right now, Raymond Daniels, who was originally a point karate champion who went over to kickboxing. Glory is a big kickboxing organization, whereas Michael Page fights for Bellator. So he's fighting MMA, whereas this other guy who is a champion is now fighting. Is Bellator like a European?

See, this is them fighting right now, right? Is that Paige and Daniels? Yeah. Yeah, all right. I see it. See how they fight? They wear these helmets on, and the idea is to just score. Score points.

I get it. To dive in and hit each other and then get out. And if they can hit each other and score cleanly, like watch what happens when they score. You'll see it. So they're bouncing around. They move very fast. And the idea behind this is the blitz. The leaping in and attacking. See how they both

have their hands down? Well, I don't feel like the other guy has his hands up a little more than Michael Page. Is Michael Page in white? No. Yes, he is. But they both have their hands down. They both have their hands down. And the other guy lifts his hands up occasionally he is. But they both have their hands down. They both have their hands down. And the other guy lifts his hands up occasionally, but no, they both have their hands completely down. The orthodox method of holding your hands up, your hands would be at your cheekbones. These guys are not fighting remotely like that.

They're both very similar in their style. Yeah, okay. I see. But this style... Yeah, I get it. I get it. See how he does this? I know I see like 80 people in the crowd. Who goes to this?

Mostly karate students. It's mostly people that are either their students, their fellow students are competing and they're sitting there watching or they're going to compete and they watch or the families of the people competing. But it never really became much of a spectator sport. I could understand that. But it's a very unique talent. The ability to leap in

and perform those techniques very quickly and most fighters don't have that timing and they don't know how to avoid it and they don't have the ability to avoid that crazy bum rush. So how good is he? He's very good. Very good. Well he was a world champion at sport karate.

Okay. About that stuff. He's a world champion. And so what he had to do is he just had to learn takedown defense and then he had to learn some submissions and some grappling. It takes a long time

to learn those things, but if you are the type of person that can become a champion in one aspect of martial arts, that type of intense dedication and focus, you could transfer that potentially to other martial arts

if you have the time and you have the inclination. Well, I read something that you said that was the worst injury you ever saw. Yeah. Is that hyperbole? No. No, it's the worst MMA. I've never seen anybody get their skull crushed.

That's the worst injury I've ever seen. I've seen broken orbital bones. That's fairly common. Right. The bones around your eyeball are fairly fragile. But this. But the forehead. I've never seen anybody's forehead get crushed. But it was a perfect storm of one guy charging in.

He charged in, tried to shoot for a takedown, and Paige caught him with a knee. He leaped in. A leap knee. He caught him. What's the name of that move? Jumping knee. Say it again? Jumping knee.

He just jumped up and hit him with a knee. Jumping knee. Jumping knee. That sounds like up and hit him with a knee. Jumping knee. That sounds like an Indian name. Wounded knee. Jumping knee. Wow. It was intense to see, Joe. Yeah, it was intense.

I mean, I'm not kidding. I was like, whoa. Well, I've been involved in martial arts for more than 30 years. Since you were a scared involved in martial arts for more than 30 years. Since you were a scared little child. Yeah, more than 30 years. And I've never seen that injury. I've never seen it that bad.

Well, I saw also your buddy. I don't know if he's your buddy. Silva, what's his first name? Anderson Silva. Anderson Silva. Break his own leg. I've seen that before. I've seen that a couple times.

Have you ever done that? No, I've never broken my leg. Break your own leg. No, but I did get my leg that before. I've seen that a couple times. Have you ever done that? No, I've never broken my leg. Break your own leg. No, but I did get my leg broken before. I broke the, not the, with the tibia is the large shin bone. I broke the fibula. Somebody, we collided. It was actually a sparring session.

A friend of mine threw a kick, and I threw a kick at the same time, and his heel hit my fibula. And I got a hairline fracture on my fibula. But not broken like. It didn't break like that, but it could have hairline fracture on my fibula. But not broken like... It didn't break like that, but it could have. Had you seen that before? Yes. See, what happened with Anderson is he broke it earlier, and then he broke it all the way through.

See, he cracked it with one kick that he threw earlier. In the same fight? Yep. Oh, okay. He believed he cracked it before that because it was hurting, and then he threw that kick and hit the exact same spot and it just snapped like a twig. That's according to his manager. His manager feels like he broke it before that and then broke it again.

It's very unusual to see someone's leg snap like that. I've never, I didn't even think it was possible. There it is right there. I've seen it happen three times. The person giving, kicking. It's always the person kicking. The person kicking breaks their own leg. Occasionally, it's the person on the other side, but

what the difference is, is where you're kicking, you're kicking with the middle or the bottom of your shin, which is a thinner bone, and you're colliding with the top of the knee where the tibia meets the knee. Just didn't seem possible.

Just didn't seem possible. Yeah, look at there. You can see it as it's snapping. Oh, okay. Yeah. Do you remember Joe Theismann? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you remember that Monday Night Game? Yeah. Yeah. Broken legs are particularly disturbing for people. There's a guy named Tyrone Spong. But you're saying not for you.

Yeah, I mean, it bothers me. You're looking at me like, you people, and that probably bothers you, Wayne. I have seen, for sure, I have seen way too many people get injured. Right, so you're a little more immune to it. I am a little immune. I've told this story before, but this is, my wife was- Broke her leg. She had the car hatch, you know, like the back of the hatch. And she had a package and she lifted her head up and hit the corner of the hatch and cut her forehead and blood was pouring down her head.

She was freaking out because she was bleeding. And I looked at it. I was like, it's nothing. It's like make a stitch, like one stitch. It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Like to me, I was like, walk it off. Like this is nothing like i'm so used to seeing people just cut open smashed

broken nose swollen eyes cuts all over their face head kick knockouts arms broken snapped legs torn apart knees i'm so used to it and that's just in the comedy clubs try the wings so you've seen it. I've just seen thousands of fights. I mean, I've called professionally at least probably 1,500 fights. Right, right. So I've seen so many knockouts and so many injuries. I'm so used to seeing trauma. Almost too used to it.

Like, it doesn't bother me. When people get injured, I don't freak out. And that was the worst. And that was Paige's. 100%. 100% the worst. Definitely the worst. And that was Paige. 100%. 100% the worst. Definitely the worst. Never seen that.

That's your fucking brain. That's the protection that your brain has to the outside world. It's basically gone. And if he got hit again in that same spot, he's probably dead. Dead. Yeah. How's he doing? Look where his head looked.

You can see how he's doing. I know you... That's the surgery. The picture's on the right. Yeah, yeah. Post-surgery. Now, with those little... Yeah.

Is that what they put in there? Those little metal... Yeah. Look at there. You can see it. Those are plates that they've... Most likely titanium that they've screwed in place to sort of reconstruct his skull. The front of his skull.

Yeah. They've pulled it up and screwed it in place. Will he ever wrestle again? Fight, you mean. Fight. Yeah, they've pulled it up and screwed it in place. Will he ever wrestle again? Fight, you mean. Fight. Yeah, I mean, he certainly could wrestle again. The question remains is if any commission. Psychological. Psychological is not what I would be

worried about. I'd be worried about the actual physiological damage. It's more than psychology. His brain expanding or something. Well, he had to get his fucking skin pulled back. I mean, if you look at what they did, they literally made a scar around the top of his head. Look at what, I mean, his hairline is essentially a giant

scar now. They pulled his face forward, and they rebuilt his forehead with these fucking bolts. They rebuilt his nose, too. Oh, I see, I see. Apparently his nose was shattered, too. But, you know, it's like a very very significant injury and i just think psychologically you could never but maybe

get used to it you're used to getting hurt guys get used to getting knocked out guys get used to getting punched you get used to it it's you know it's a part of who you are if that's what you choose to do for a living but i you been knocked out, like out? No. Like unconscious? No, I've never been knocked out. Yeah, I've been dropped. What does that mean?

I got TKO'd. I got hit and my legs went out. You get hit in the jaw and your legs stop working and you just collapse. And then I got back up and I got dropped again. The referee stopped the fight, but I was conscious. That was the last fight I ever had. It was a kickboxing fight. That was it? Yeah.

Well, I was already on my way out. Did you have a nickname? No, I never had a nickname. If you could. So what was this guy's nickname? Because both these guys had one with Venom. His nickname was Cyborg. Cyborg and Venom? And Venom, yeah. Okay, let's say you could go back and pick a nickname. Sweetie Pie.

No, you go the other way. Hey, did you see those two guys who kissed each other? Who were they? Who were they? What are you talking about? It was some face-off. You watching porn? No, no, no, no.

MMA thing. Oh, a long time ago. Yeah, what was that? Heath Haring and this Japanese gentleman kissed him. I knew you would know. I knew you would know. And then Heath Haring knocked him out. Oh, he kissed him.

Oh, I thought they kissed each other. No. I mean, maybe it's a different one. Maybe we're talking about a different one. You're talking about Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman, where Anderson Silva, like, touched faces with Weidman, and Weidman just wouldn't move. It's possible. This hit right here?

Is that the one? No. I know you guys listening on the podcast can't see, but literally it's like two guys' faces right up against each other. Yeah, it's Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman. No, no. This is two guys were, like, nose to nose, and then one guy kind of kissed him,

and then the other guy kissed him back, and then they kind of left. Oh, I haven't seen that. I haven't seen that. You never saw that? Well, I probably have. I just forgot. But the really funny one was Anderson, not Anderson Silva. Heath Haring was doing a face-off with this Japanese gentleman.

I don't remember the guy's name, but the guy kissed him on the lips, and Heath Haring knocked him out cold as they were doing the stare down. He hit him with a right hook. Watch it right here. This is Heath Haring, Texas Crazy Horse, bad motherfucker. So they get face-to-face to check this out. They're standing face-to-face. He kisses him.

Boom. KOs him out cold. And you lose the fight automatically if you hit before the... You're not supposed to kiss people, so... Wait, so... I don't know if he lost. I think Japanese look at things entirely differently. The Japanese people might have rewarded him for this because it's part of the spectacle.

It's a spectacle of, look at him, he's like, what the fuck, man? Don't kiss me. And then he's shrugging, he's shrugging, so I'm like, I'm sorry, the guy kissed me. Don't fucking kiss Heath Haring, now you know. Next guy won't kiss him. He then he's shrugging. He's shrugging. So I'm like, I'm sorry the guy kissed me. Don't fucking kiss Heath Haring. Now you know. Next guy won't kiss him. He's pointing down on the ground. Look, he said he kissed me, man.

I fucking hit him. Bro, what do you want me to do? I'm sorry. All right, I'm sorry. I thought I saw another one where a guy kissed a guy. I think you did. All right. I think you did.

I now remember the guy kissed and the other guy kissed. And they kind of like. And they laughed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen that one. I don't remember who that was, though. Might have been Mike Bernardo.

Might have been a K-1 bout. Maybe someone else. You know these guys more than I do. Talk to me about the stare down a little bit. What about it? Because I saw one, your buddy Anderson Silva. Mm-hmm. Because I've one time didn't look at the guy.

A lot of times guys don't look at him. Like Boss Rutten. Tell me what the strategy is on that. Boss Rutten didn't look at guys. Fedor Emelianenko is probably one of the greatest of all time. Not probably. Definitely one of the greatest of all time. Say his name again.

Fedor Emelianenko. He's a Russian gentleman. In Russia, they don't even say Fedor. They say Fyodor. Fyodor Emelianenko. But it's spelled in, you know, obviously it's English. The version of the way we spell it is different than the way they spell it because they use different alphabet.

When did he fight? When did he fight? Well, he's still fighting. He just started fighting again recently. He just fought and won, but looked really bad. Right. This is a different fight. This is a different stare down.

These guys going to kiss too? No. Oh, he kissed him and the other guy got mad. Woo. He got fucking real mad. We don't have to keep watching guys kiss. I don't even know. Wayne Fetterman just loves guys kissing.

That's not. It was just. So he wouldn't look at them. He looked down. Because it's a waste of energy. Did you? Oh, waste of energy? Yeah.

If you get anxious, you get anxious about it. It's a waste of energy. It's not a. What's the word for it? Like intimidation? Nonsense. Honestly, it's nonsense because you're going to fight. It's already happening.

It's already happening. But some guys are really good at it. Some guys, like some guys, and also some guys would get angry if other guys were doing it. So they would out stare them down. Like here's the best stare down of all time in down. Like, here's the best stare-down of all time in MMA. I'll show you the best stare-down. Mirko Krokop versus Vanderlei Silva. This is the best stare-down ever, because Vanderlei, his nickname is the axe murderer.

He's a fucking savage. He was a pride middleweight champion. Bad motherfucker. Just a bad mother. But he was fighting Mirko Krok crocop who was the head of an anti-terrorist squadron in croatia and he's a real murderer this is you're talking about a different kind of fucking straight up killer and an elite high level kickboxer so look at crocop on the left yeah i see him see that that's the eyes of the guy who's killed someone with a knife see there's a fucking completely different stare down here.

Crow Cop's looking at him, and he's not budging. This is the first time where Vandelay lost a stare down. Vandelay was used to staring guys down, and they would be intimidated, and Crow Cop looked at him like he was dinner. And Crow Cop wound up head-kicking him. Like, video, pull up Mirko Crow Cop KO up head kicking him. Like video pull up Mirko, Cro Cop, KO, Vanderlei Silva. Can I say on a side note? He hit him with one of the greatest head kick knockouts ever.

Yeah, I want to see that. But on a side note, it's impressive that you know all these guys' names. Well, it's part of my job. I understand, but it's still like I feel like they're like. Like it's impressive. It's only impressive because you don't know their names. If you were another MMA fan, you'd be like, yeah, Rogan knows those guys' names. He's supposed to know those names.

Just as a fellow comedian, I'm just saying you've got to be the only comedian that knows all these guys' names. Maybe Adam Hunter. He probably would know it. He's a big fan. Anyway, just paying attention. He probably wouldn't know maybe as many. I don't know. Maybe he does. It's impressive.

Well, I don't know a lot of sports. Like you guys were talking about basketball before the show started. I don't know jack shit about basketball. There's a limited amount of data that a man can keep in his head, or a woman, I'm assuming. Right. And I just don't. You know, I only have so many stats. Of course.

Of course. My stats are filled up with MMA fighters. Before we get to this fight. Watch this. All right. This is Mirko Krokop. This is a slow motion version of it. My stats are filled up with MMA fighters. Before we get to this fight. Watch this. All right. This is Mirko Krokop. This is a slow motion version of it. Watch this.

Boom! That's those two guys that were staring each other down. Oh, I see. Yeah. But the stare down is actually from their first fight. The head kick was from their second fight. Anyway. Stats, head kicks.

No, no, no, no Staredowns I know, I know I was going to ask you Of the sports that you don't follow What are your favorites? What are your least favorites? I don't really care about any of them They can make them all illegal

I wouldn't give a fuck Baseball? Nothing Waste of time Okay, can you just say you're not interested? He hit the ball with the stick and then he ran, but he forgot to touch the bag that's on the ground, so it didn't count! Is it because you think that this is the ultimate sport because it's boiled down? No, it's not that I think that it's the ultimate sport.

Because it's boiled down? It is unquestionably the most exciting thing that two human beings can engage in. Because it's not a game. It's not a game. It's not a game. The consequence, it's high-level problem-solving with dire physical consequences. Oh, that's interesting. That's really what it is.

Did you come up with that? Yes, that's mine. That's pretty good. Yeah. Say it again? It's high-level problem-solving with dire physical consequences. All right. Okay. All right. Okay.

All right. So, I don't even know how to get through baseball, soccer. I think, no, soccer to me is interesting. Can you do an Edith Bunker impression about all of them? Oh, soccer. I've been watching soccer recently because I'm friends with Ian Edwards, and he's a giant soccer fan, and he actually has a soccer podcast. And he's been trying to get me into soccer, so we watched a bunch of soccer games together.

Matches. It's fun. It's fun, but when they get smacked accidentally and they go down like bitches. Oh, I can't. That is the worst thing. I agree with you. I looked at him. I looked over at Ian.

I'm like, I can't support this kind of fucking pussy behavior. This is horrible. That I agree with you 100%. That's hard to watch. That is hard to watch. It's just pathetic. You're a competitor. It's pathetic.

I agree with everything. Someone knows when someone smacks someone. Everyone knows. You can see it. They have replays. You don't have to go down like a bitch. You don't have to hold your face and roll around the ground in agony. Especially when you've seen what I've seen. You've seen guys get right need in the face like cyborg You know like or any event Venom's knee into cyborgs skull. Yeah, I know these guys names now No, you do well just their neck. Yes. It's um, but it's an interesting sport

It's an interesting sport in that you know, it's there's some pretty complex strategy going on. There's a lot of move now I remember I talked to you about this a long time ago. There was a great episode of either CNN Sports or ESPN when they brought you on to talk about how horrible MMA was compared to boxing. And then you, in a very skilled manner, took apart the interviewer and the other guy with, A, your knowledge of boxing, and then, B, explaining why you thought MMA or, I don't even know if that's the right term for it, was the natural evolution of what was going on. Do you remember that? Yes.

I assume you talk about that a lot on this podcast or no? Talk about the difference? No, that moment. No. What was it? What was it difference? No, that moment. No. What was it? What was it? There was ESPN. ESPN.

Yeah, but it was the early days of the UFC where people didn't accept the UFC. And that guy has actually become a UFC fan. And I think they had to realize that there's room for everybody. Okay. Look, I'm a boxing fan. I've always been a boxing fan. Before all of this? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. My whole life. I've always been a boxing fan. Before all of this? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. My whole life. I've always been a boxing fan. Can I say something about boxing? Sure. Whenever I hear the term pound for pound, that term, all I think of, okay, that's a little guy. I don't know why, but whatever we're talking about. Most people think it's John Jones, and he's 205 pounds.

Oh, he is? Yeah. Okay. Well, he's around 225. But whenever I hear that term, it's always like, well, they're talking about a little guy. No, because mostly the time during Roy Jones Jr.'s day was him.

He was 175 and he won the heavyweight title. He beat John Ruiz at heavyweight. Roy Jones Jr.? Yes. I thought he was... He fought super middleweight, which is 168 he won the light heavyweight title he fought as do they have weight divisions in mma of course same one same numbers no not the same oh different numbers same names it's very confusing like welterweight

yeah welterweight in boxing is 147 welterweight in mma is 170 yeah so those guys are just bigger it's just a different name because we have a 145 weight class, but it's called featherweight. Oh. Do they have an ultra featherweight? No, they have a bantamweight. A mini featherweight? Oh, yeah. Well, they have lightweight, which is 155.

What's the smallest? 155 in boxing would be super lightweight or junior middleweight. Or super welterweight or junior middleweight, rather. Oh, interesting. Yeah. There's not enough weight classes in MMA, rather. Maybe people think there's too many in boxing, which I don't have a problem with it.

I like the fact there's a lot of weight classes because it gives a lot of guys options, and it gives guys options for championship encounters. But I think that the UFC could use more weight classes. I think there should be a weight class minimum every 10 pounds. Because 10 pounds, there's a big difference between a 170-pound guy and a 180-pound guy as far as strength. 10 pounds. It's a big difference in what they can do.

How long before, from the weigh-in to the fight, do they have to put on weight? It used to be 24 hours, but now it's quite a bit more because now they usually let them start early in the morning, as early as, I believe, 8 a.m., sometimes 10 a.m. So they have from 10 to noon to make weight now. And the weigh-in, now when we do the weigh-ins, I announce the weigh-ins on Friday. I've always done that, yeah. And now it's the official weight. It's not the actual weigh-in. They don't actually get on the scale.

And then the weigh-in, they get on the scale. It's more for show. It's kind of stupid that they get on a scale at all because they've already weighed in. They've already weighed in. They've already weighed in. I see, I see. Yeah, we probably shouldn't have them stand on a scale and do this nonsense. Facade?

It's really kind of foolish. And I'm actually going to talk to them about maybe coming up with a better solution. Do you need me to send an angry email? What do you need me to do? Tweet off the Fetterman account. At Fetterman. Because people won't know it's you. They're looking for Wayne Fetterman.

Who's this angry Fetterman character? At Fetterman, who's furious at the charade that is a way in. It's a charade, which is like a charade when you're drunk off charades. This is a total charade. A goddamn charade. Charade, what's going on here? You could be indignant, you could be furious.

Has anyone failed weigh-ins? All the time. All the time. What happens to that fight? They either lose 20% of their purse to their opponent and the fight goes on, or they cancel the fight. And it depends entirely upon their opponent's choice. Like, there's a perfect example. This past weekend, there's a guy named Ian McCall. You know his name.

And he was supposed to be fighting Justin Scoggins. You know both his names. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. This is my thing now. I get it. I'm like, your thing kidding. This is my thing now. I get it. I get your thing. You're so silly.

And Scoggins was supposed to get down to 125. It was a flyweight fight. This is the lightest weight class in the UFC. Fly is the lightest. The lightest. Well, there's a strawweight for women, which is 115. But there's not a men's strawweight division. That's humiliating.

Well, women's 115 is not even that small. No, it's not the size. The name's straw. Like, literally, you're a men's strawweight division. That's humiliating. Well, women's 115 is not even that small. No, it's not the size. The name's straw. Like, literally, you're a piece of straw. I guess. You never thought about it? Fly is better than being straw? Is it better to be a fly than straw?

At least you have some. At least you're an insect? At least you have some forward mobility. You're not something some farmer daughter is chewing on as she's flirting with the guy from the gas station. Is that how you think about it? That's how I think of straw. What do you think about it?

I think that is wheat. Oh, it is? What is straw? What is straw? Straw is like grass that's been... No, that's hay. Right? Hay is when they take grass and they chop it down,

they roll it up, and they feed it to cows right that's hay like hay bales i think that was straw what is straw i always thought straw was like there's little maybe they're the same are they the same we're gonna find out well you always see like wheat in someone's teeth i always think of wheat more as like a stalk that has little flowers on it not little i mean straw is a stalk usually a waste product of wheat more as like a stalk that has little flowers on it. Not little, I mean... Straw is a stalk, usually a waste product of wheat. Oh, okay. It's the same thing, I guess. That's used as a bedding

for barnyard animals. It's the waste product. Interesting. So the straw is the part that you don't use. Hay is typically alfalfa or grass that is used as animal feed. Interesting. Okay, now I know. Because straw and hay, I used to think it was interchangeable.

So would you rather be, again, let's go back to your question that you posed. I don't give a fuck about names, bro. I don't care. Straw, fly, who gives a shit? Honestly, I think no names. I think 125-pound division. Just the numbers? Yeah, I agree with that. He's the 155-pound champion. That's what I think. It's very clear. Everyone will know. I don't like the welterweight. I'm going to fire off an enemy. I'm writing off.

Right, heavyweight. Cruiserweight. Come on. heavyweight. I'm writing off. Cruiser weight. Come on. Heavyweight. You know, here's another interesting thing. Heavyweight has a weight limit. It can't be heavier than 265 pounds. In boxing? In the UFC.

Because we don't have a super heavyweight division. We have a heavyweight division. It goes up to 265, and that's what's sanctioned. And then from 265 on up is super heavyweight. But the UFC does not have and has never had a super heavyweight division. They don't want to see those guys that are not... Just never had it. Well, they don't have

to be like fat. You made a fat gesture. I did. They could easily be just giant. Like Brock Lesnar. Yeah, yeah. Brock Lesnar has to suck weight. He has to dehydrate himself to make the 265 pound weight limit. How much does... Well, you know LeBron. this is basketball, this is a sport you don't know. He's an athlete, right?

I've seen him. He has sneakers. Jamie, how much do you think he weighs? Probably 300 pounds. Yeah. Weigh over 270. 270? About 275.

Huge. Huge. Okay. I guess you could have somebody that size. Yeah. Super heavyweight. Yeah. Yeah, those are two fat guys. Yeah. That's a super heavyweight. Yeah. Yeah, those are two fat guys.

Yeah. But- Remember that guy, Butterball? Is that him? Butterbean. Butterbean? What was his- He just died, right?

No, he's alive. He is? Yeah. Yeah, he's fat as fuck, but he's alive. Was he a bouncer or something that became a- Well, I don't know what his deal was. I know he's a cook. I know he likes to eat.

Supposed to be really good at cooking pork chops. He likes to eat. He fought MMA for a while, fought boxing, fought kickboxing, had some kickboxing fights. So can I go back to your last fight? Yeah, sure. Because I'm really curious. But just as somebody who's afraid of fighting, so I'm just curious about it. Like, you get hit. Did you think you were winning at the time So I'm just curious about it. Like you get hit.

Did you think you were winning at the time? I was definitely winning. Yeah. Oh no, you were winning. That's like a short story. I fought three times that day. That was part of the problem. There was two problems.

One of the problems was that I was- Do you know the exact date? No, I don't. Okay. One of the problems was that I was doing comedy at the time, and I was working full time. This is in Boston. Yeah, and I was trying to figure out what I was doing with my life, and I was not nearly as dedicated as I was to fighting just a few years before that. I was 21 on my way to 22.

I might have been 22 at the time or maybe a month or two before I turned 22, and that's when I decided I was done. 22 at the time, or maybe a month or two before I turned 22. And that's when I decided I was done. Because I knew I was half-assing it. And I just wasn't training as hard as I was just a couple of years ago when I was fighting and competing, and I was the Massachusetts state champion, and I was competing in national tournaments and traveling all over the country. I had realized that it was a dead end. And then I had put an incredible amount of time and effort into something.

Even in its best case scenario. There was no money in it. Right. None. And then I'd also had a problem in that I started competing in Taekwondo, which was mostly kicking art and very little hand techniques. And then I went from Taekwondo, I started training at a boxing gym. And I realized that I really needed a massive amount of work on my hands.

And so I started boxing. And I was getting beat up a lot. Like I was having wars in the gym and I wasn't always winning. Okay, can we just slow down? In these wars you're having and you're getting beat up. Just beat up. You're getting beat.

You're getting punched in the face. You're getting punched in the face. And we all know that great Tyson thing. Everyone has a. You're getting punched in the face. You're getting punched in the face. We all know that great Tyson thing. Everyone has a plan until someone punches you in the face. What's going through your head? Is it just like... Keep moving. Throw your jab. Move your head.

Don't get hit as much. Move your feet. Use your footwork. Don't stand in the pocket. Don't freeze up. All technique. Yeah, I mean, you're sparring. You know, what I was doing was I was, there was a guy named Joe Lake, who was my boxing

coach, who was, this is what happened. I was working at this place called Nautilus Plus in Revere, Massachusetts. They had this section of this gym that we had rented out, this big room that we had rented out, and I had started teaching Taekwondo classes there. And so I would go out and put out flyers and I had started teaching Taekwondo classes there. And so I would go out and put out flyers, and I would teach classes, and I also taught at Boston University. I had my own classes at BU.

Wait a minute, you flyered? Yeah, I put flyers up. Did you ever do flyers for comedy? No, never did flyers for comedy. Did you ever stand outside a comedy club? No, never did that. Neither did I. But I know...

That's a New York thing. That's a New York thing? Yeah, they stand out, and there's so much foot traffic to try to get people to go to the cellar.. But I know. That's a New York thing. That's a New York thing? Yeah, they stand down. There's so much foot traffic to try to get people to go to the cellar. It's just funny. It's just funny. It's just like of all the comedians I've known that are like, or bands, you know, you would hear about these bands in the 80s starting out. They had to put up flyers.

Put up flyers. And then you were doing it for Taekwondo. Yeah, I was doing it for lessons. For lessons, okay. It would be like, I think there was like a photo of someone throwing a sidekick or something like that and it would be you know the name of the gym and the phone number for the school where you could call and sign up and did it have your name just yeah yeah my name no nickname rogan no no nickname it just had my credentials and my you know black belt and all

that jazz black four-time massachusetts state taekwondo champion and won the u. black belt and all that jazz. Four-time Massachusetts State Taekwondo champion and won the U.S. Open and all these different things. Do you have trophies and stuff? Yeah, I got a bunch of that shit. Where are they? I got a bunch of medals in my closet. Everything's in the closet? Yeah, they're just hanging around.

Yeah. What am I going to do with them? I don't know. I've never won a boxing or a Taekwondo championship. You've never won anything? All right. Any sports? Now I'm starting to hurt you.

Now you're starting to hurt me. I don't know why you're attacking me. We were having a pretty good time here, weren't we? I don't think I'm attacking you. I think you're super sensitive. I am! I am a sensitive guy. Why so sensitive? Yeah, I have a couple sports trophies, football trophies

from when I was a kid. On a team. But not an individual like this. That's what I didn't kid. Okay. On a team. But not an individual like this. That's what I didn't like about teams. I didn't like the idea that we all won together. I was very selfish. I wanted to win. And I didn't also like the idea that we lost

because Bobby dropped the ball. Right. And now I'm a loser. Yeah. Because Bobby's a fucking klutz. I'm a loser. Like that. Okay.

So anyway, I went from teaching. I was teaching in this class, and this guy, Joe Lake, who's a friend of mine, who is a boxer, who's a professional boxer and is a boxing coach. He taught a lot of pro boxers in the area. He came in and was watching me work out, and he wanted to learn some kicks. And we started talking, and he found out I was a boxing fan. We started talking about boxing, and he wanted to learn some kicks and we we started talking and found out i was a boxing fan we started talking about boxing and he you know told me what he does and he said uh you know hey how about we make a deal you know i'll teach you some boxing you teach me some kicking and i'm

so i love it so when i started learning from him he's a great coach and teaching me boxing techniques and stuff like that i started realizing how little I knew about combining boxing and kicking together and also how little I knew about really like getting hit and rolling with punches. And I just was missing that aspect of fighting. So I started doing it. And as I started doing it and I competed and I started doing a lot of sparring, I started realizing that what I had dedicated all my time to, Taekwondo, was limited in a lot of sparring, I started realizing that what I had dedicated all my time to, Taekwondo, was limited in a lot of ways.

Like without learning how to throw punches, there was like a real problem with it. So I kind of knew that I was not going to compete in Taekwondo anymore. I kind of knew like, wow, this has sort of opened up my eyes to the fact that Taekwondo is very limited. And there was no MMA back then. So like Taekwondo, you see in MMA a lot. Do you wish there was? No. I'm very happy taekwondo you see an mma a lot there was

no i'm very happy with everything turned the way everything no of course of course but i'm just like no no no to have tested yourself and that kind of i would have for sure 100 but just like i would have definitely done it but i didn't i mean i did kickboxing because i wanted to find out about that i did taekwondo because i wanted to find out about that i fought in karate tournaments i did a lot of different stuff because I just wanted to see what it was like. But if MMA was around, I would have realized that, well, all this stuff is all fine and dandy, all this kicking and punching, but if somebody takes you down, then what are you going to do?

I would have realized then. And that's one of the reasons why when I came to L.A., I immediately got into jiu-jitsu. So I started taking jiu-jitsu in 1996, and the reason why I started taking it was because of watching the UFC and seeing guys take guys to the ground, seeing Hoist Gracie dominate guys and choke them and tap them. And I realized, oh, okay, I've got to learn this stuff. This is some totally different stuff.

And I kind of caught the wave. Like I got into it as a traditional martial artist, as a Taekwondo practitioner, and then went from that into all these other martial arts that I had kind of like sort of assimilated. And plus, I was a big Bruce Lee fan, and that was one of the things that Bruce Lee subscribed to. Which was? He was the first proponent of mixing and integrating different styles together. And his Jeet Kune Do style was that.

It was entirely the philosophy as a style. Absorb what's useful. Take all the useful aspects of different martial arts and apply them I feel like that could almost apply to bigger things in life Oh for sure of course and also the limitations of not doing that apply right the limitations of being very rigid Ideologically yeah in your life definitely Yeah for sure because there's a lot of people that want to think that you know What they do is the only way. People that are on Windows, for instance.

Some people are just like, I'll never use a Mac. Or there's people that are, I'm a Democrat till I die, bro. I'm a fucking registered Democrat. There's a lot of people that get real rigid with their ideologies. No matter what the evidence, no matter who the new information comes their way, not interested. Yeah. And that applies because there was a lot of blowback or a lot of pushback when I was doing taekwondo, and then I started boxing.

When I started really getting involved in boxing— Wait, there were people that didn't want you to do it? Absolutely. Yeah, they felt like it was negative. What was their argument? I didn't need to. I was wasting my time. I was taking away time from my taekwondo training.

It was a waste. And one of the things that helped me is that I started opening up my own school. And when I opened up my own school in Revere, I was away from my instructors. So I got a chance to train on my own and I got a chance to bring in other people. And that's when I really started to expand my ideas about what I needed to do, what was and what wasn't effective. And I had a good buddy of mine who had also, my friend Mike Blythe, who had had some pro boxing fights, and we did some sparring together,

and he beat me up too. And so I kind of realized, like, oh, man, there's some stuff I need to figure out how to incorporate. Wow. Well, first of all, it brings up a million questions. But back to my original question about getting beat up. Like, just as someone who has the flight reflex when someone's coming at me, like, that's my reflex as opposed to, oh, brush it off, move my feet and stuff like that. I'm always, does that, did that ever appear where you're just like, fuck, I got a, I'm getting pummeled? Well, I was never getting pummeled that bad.

I'm just talking about, like, emotionally. It wasn't, no, because it wasn't like I didn't have a chance. It was like I was never getting pummeled that bad. Psych, I'm just talking about like emotionally. It wasn't, no. Because it wasn't like I didn't have a chance. It was like I was- Just losing? I wasn't winning. Okay, okay. But I was getting shots in.

There was guys that were pro boxers that I knocked out in the gym. So it wasn't that I was 100% losing, but I definitely wasn't winning like I was winning in Taekwondo tournaments. In Taekwondo, I was at a real national class level. That must have felt great. Like I was beating, yeah. But that's the problem. When you're really good at something,

you want to stick to only that. Of course. And you don't want to test the waters with things that you're not good at. You don't want to be vulnerable. In a weird way, can I draw a parallel to stand-up? Sure.

Because a lot of times, like you get really good, you develop a bit, you want to do it, it kills, you feel good, people are flirting with you after the show it's a whole thing with you what's going on chicks coming up to you chicks coming a lot of action better but yeah that's my moves nice so uh but then again hypothetical totally hypothetical

but then if you want to expand your act, you have to try out new stuff, and that undercuts this invincible stand-up comedian image that is so popular, you know, is so wonderful. Oh, yeah. So I feel like, do you think that's a... Valid parallel? Yeah, for sure, definitely. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

But I think there's also other things in life. I love doing things that I'm not good at. Like one of the things I'm really into. Podcasting? Yeah. Perfect example. One of the things I'm into lately is yoga. What?

I'm not good at it. I've been doing it for a year, like really solid. What time do you do it? In the mornings. You just said you worked out hard in the morning. Yeah. And then you yoga? Some days I do yoga.

Today I did kickboxing. Yeah, yeah. But tomorrow I'm going to do yoga. I do yoga different days. did kickboxing, but tomorrow I'm going to do yoga. I do yoga different days. What's your best move? Best pose? Best pose. I'm going to guess.

I'm going to guess. It's laughing. What? Making poses up? The laughing princess. Do you do that one? What the fuck is that? That's the hardest one.

I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't know what it is. You made it up? Yeah. You knew it as soon as they started. I don't know. It might be a Laughing Princess. There's a lot of moves.

I don't know. I can't do yoga. It's difficult. It's very- Especially hot yoga, I really like. Oh. Because it's brutal. And it's also-

It requires a lot of mental toughness. Same as Bikram? Yeah. Yeah, same thing. Okay. Yeah. How hot is it? That's where I do it.

104 degrees. Do you do it any? This is- If this is too personal, just say? Yeah, same thing. Okay. How hot is it? That's where I did it. 104 degrees. Do you do it any? If this is too personal, just say, Wayne, back off. Just say, Wayne, this is over the line. Wayne, this is over the line. Okay, I know it. I know I'm very probing. We'll move on to another thing.

No, go ahead. It's part of the hot yoga to lose weight as well. No. None of it. No, none of it. It's all just for the... to lose weight as well. No. None of it. No, none of it. It's all just for the- Just exercise. Okay.

Yeah. I mean, you definitely will lose weight if you do it. It's 90 minutes of exertion. There's a lot of calories being burnt for sure. How hot is it in there? 104 degrees. But it's also 104 degrees and then you're exercising and there's 50 other people in the room and they're all sweating like pigs.

Does it smell good? It gets fucking hot. No, it smells terrible sometimes. Is that the hardest part? No. The smell? No, the hardest part is... Mental?

Well, here's the hardest part. It never is going to be easy. You will always put 100% effort into each and every individual pose. So it will never be less than 100% effort. So it will always be difficult. You will get better at maintaining those poses. You will get better at your range of motion. You'll get better at your ability to hold positions.

But it will never be easy. It's always going to be hard. 90 minutes. Yep, 90 minutes. Sweating like a fucking... How does it end? How does it end? Is there a bell?

Is there a bell? No, they just go, that's it. That's it. They say namaste. What is that? And you say namaste back. Non-ironically. And you're fine with that?

It's a comedian? Yeah, you can do it. Do you do that? No, I don't do that with my hands, but I would if I had to. You would? Yeah, why not? If I meant it. If I actually meant it.

Okay, all right. All right, yoga. That's impressive. Yeah, but I'm not good at it. That's one of the reasons why I meant it. Okay. All right. All right. Yoga. That's impressive. Yeah, but I'm not good at it. That's one of the reasons why I like it. I like doing things that I need to get better at. And, like, you see your progress. I know I'm better at it now than I was a year ago.

And if I continue to do it, I'll get better at it. It's just a challenge. Joe, we've known each other a long time. We're not close friends. Right? We're not close friends. We could be. We could be. I like you. Thank you. Thank you. You're a very smart time. We're not close friends. Right? We're not close friends. We could be. We could be.

I like you. I like you, Wayne. Thank you. Thank you. I think you're a very smart guy. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, but I am also on a lifetime self-improvement program. Yeah?

Yeah. No question. What kind of stuff are you into? Well, one, cold yoga. Have you tried that? Do you do it in the snow? We do it in the snow. That's right.

We do it naked? In ice cubes. A lot of people don't know it. I do cold yoga. I do, well, I try to, you know, I'm always teaching myself reading a lot, teaching myself instruments all the time. Yeah, you're really into musical instruments. I'm really into music. How many different musical instruments do you know how to do?

Well, play is the word, but it's... How many do you sing? How many of those things do you sing? You know, a few. Just mainly... How many gay ones? Piano. About half.

About half. Piano, guitar, bass guitar. Getting back into drums. Are you one of the reasons why there's a piano on stage at the improv? Yes. They need to take that fucking thing down. No, we need another one. No.

We need dueling pianos. They could have another room maybe with a piano, but that piano just gets in the way of the stage. It's not used 99.9% of the time. You and Owen Benjamin. The only ones. It's a tradition. tradition Yeah but fuck that tradition It's in the way Those people to the right of the stage

They get fucked You get sit down Oh we're gonna be front row This is getting good now You're staring at the goddamn piano It's bullshit Right? Isn't it bullshit Jay?

If you knew how the improv started Oh I do You do I'm friends with Bud Freeman How do you like that? Yeah Huh So how did it start? Some fucking People made a piano Improv started. Oh, I do. You do? I'm friends with Bud Friedman. How do you like that? Yeah. So how did it start?

Some fucking people made a piano, and they put it on a stage, and then somebody put a microphone there, and the comics were constantly annoyed by that fucking piano. Not true. It started out as Broadway singers coming in, doing show tunes after their shows, and people would hang out. And guess what? Well, you know how the South started? Slavery. Should we go back to that?

Jesus Christ. So are you equating a piano? Yes, slavery. It's the fucking Confederate flag in a musical instrument form. What if it only plays Leonard Skinner songs on the piano? Just Free Bird, give me three steps. Could you do Free Bird on the piano? Hey, there's me at the improv being annoyed by the piano.

Look at it. It's right there, pissing me off. there's me at the improv being annoyed by the piano. Look at it. It's right there, pissing me off. That fucking thing's huge and it's in the way. It's the best thing. It's the best thing about it. It's the best thing about it. They should chop off the sides of that room. Do you ever sit in?

Oh, wait. Let me hear. Chop off the sides of that stage. The stage? Yeah, you can take a few feet off of each side and add some more seats. Get rid of that fucking piano. Think stupid. I said it.

I look fat in that picture. It's not real. If it was real, I'd be pissed at myself. You should be. Maybe you need some hot yoga. Maybe I do. Some hot yoga in there. So anyway, I teach myself music all the time.

And YouTube has been phenomenal for that. When you talk about stand-up and writing jokes, how many specials have you ever done? Oh, this is weird. Let me, I'm going to hand you this. This is, that came out last year. It's called The Chronicles of Fetterman. You can open it up if you want that very handsome on the cover i'll tell you right there thank you now i feel like you're

hitting on me no how old are you in that picture how long ago is that picture that is 19 i mean 2009 the photo yeah so the picture is like so the picture is many years before the actual albums released yes why is that yes yeah that's the picture because it years before the actual album's released. Yes. Why is that? Yes. Yeah, that's the picture. Because it was, I don't take good pictures. It's like, you probably got one.

Let's fucking run with it. It's a miracle. That one looks as good as it did. Why would you ask that? I just, well, you look different in that picture. Yeah, it's from eight years ago or seven years ago. Yeah. So anyway, I have one,

I just did the Comedy Central special. I've never had a special outside of half hour, a half hour thing. But, and I've never had a comedy album

in my life until five months ago. Hmm. So that's what that is. That is a triple comedy album compilation of all my standup

through the years. First bit is from 1984. Whoa. Yeah. You're recording on here from 84? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

So 84, 88. Where'd you start? Those started at the comic strip in New York. Is that where you started in New York? Mm-hmm. Where are you from originally? Florida? Florida, is that what you said?

Well, it was... This is crazy, because I got on Canoga... Oh, I'm not allowed to say allowed to say canoga park well i don't want to say where we are because i know you have crazy fans um but i was actually born in california and then uh moved back east when my dad got sick and then he died and then we moved to mary and then he died, and then we moved to Maryland. My mom remarried, and then we moved to Florida, and then I started my career in New York. Wow, that's intense. Yeah, yeah. How old were you when your dad died?

A little over one. I have no memory of him. Wow. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, but I started my, as soon as I graduated high school, it's interesting we have a Florida connection. As soon as I graduated high school, I. Got the fuck out of Dodge. I got out of Dodge.

Good move. Speaking of sports, you know where I graduated? Where? In a sports arena. Do you want to guess? It's a gambling arena. Las Vegas? No, in Florida.

There's a gambling arena in Florida? It's called High Lie. Oh, one of those things? You ever heard of it? Yeah. I've seen that shit. Yeah. Do gambling arena in Florida? It's called Hi-Li. Oh, one of those things? You ever heard of it? Yeah, I've seen that shit. Yeah. Do they still have that? That's like they have that little tube like when people walk in their dogs and they throw the ball. That's what it looks like.

No. Yeah, they have like a Hi-Li stick. They throw the ball for their dog. Oh, yeah, yeah. You've seen that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. People that have bad rotator cuffs and they can't really throw a ball. That's sad, right? Sad. You can't throw a ball. It looks just like that. Yeah, it's yeah. People that have bad rotator cuffs and they can't really throw a ball. That's sad, right? It's sad. You can't throw a ball. It looks just like that. Yeah.

It's one of the few sports in the world where you can't be left-handed and play. Really? Yeah, because there's a wall. Yeah, they throw it against the wall. It can only be right-handed. One of the few. Huh. And they used to call it the fastest sport in the world, and then guess who made them

take that moniker away? That was when I was a kid. It was like the fastest because they would whip that thing. Golf. What? The golfers say the ball travels faster when you hit it off a tee. And it's true. So they made them take it down?

They made them. First of all, golf's not a sport. It's a game. Of course. Of course. Of course. Highline is weird. So I graduated high school from, and I talk about this on stage, South Plantation High.

Let's watch some of this. Oh, so it bounces off the wall and then they throw it and they catch it. Right. So if you were left-handed, the wall would be in the way. Yeah. Yeah. Why would the wall be in the way? Because you would smash your arm against the wall.

Huh. But they're on the right side, too. Yeah, so it's only one wall. Well, they're on the right side, like right there. His arm got in the way. That's dumb as fuck. You could have a left-handed one. Okay. These guys are idiots. Rogan

takes down the high line. You can go to the left and the right. If you can go to the left and the right, it makes no sense. There's a net on the right where the audience is. Mm-hmm. And then the wall on the right. If you can go to the left and the right, it makes no sense. There's a net on the right where the audience is. And then the wall on the left. Right. Okay. Doesn't matter. I don't want to I might be

wrong about this. Again, I've been wrong about a lot of things in life. As you know. I grew up hearing that that was fixed. That a high lie was fixed. Yeah? Wait, you're saying like fixed. Like fake high lie was fixed. Yeah? Wait, you're saying like... Like fixed. Like fake. Like they cheat. I would assume it would

be the easiest of all the sports to fix because... Look at that. Why are left-handers forbidden to play high lie? Oh. How many walls are there in high lie? Left-handers can play high lie as long as they're willing to use their right hands. Oh, okay.

Oh, you're right. I stand corrected. I'm just reading this, man. The rules and traditions specifically forbid playing left-handed. The reason for that is that the court only has three walls and one at each end, one on the sidewall and one on the left against which the ball can be rebounded. left against which the ball can be rebounded. Spectators are behind a chain-linked fence on the fourth side because of the sidewall on the left. It would be dangerous and almost impossible for players to throw and catch with their left hands.

Mm. Okay. Okay. Makes sense. I love it. Stupid fucking game, though. I agree. I agree.

But anyway, so the only reason I'm bringing it, of course, I'm sure, I'm sure at least one of the eight matches that happen or the ten matches is fixed. Which is why it's a gambling sport. Like, as soon as you get gambling involved. Yeah. I would assume it would be the easiest. Literally, you look at the guy and wink, and he drops the ball, and they lose that. You know, it would be the easiest.

As opposed to a horse, it might be a little more difficult. But the reason I bring it up, not to tell you my knowledge of high life. Okay. I graduated in a high life fronton. It's called a fronton? Say it again. Fronton? You got it right.

You're nailing it. What was that like? It's insane. Florida is insane. That's my point. That's why I got out of there three days later. So it was the audience in the stand? Yeah, the whole thing. Parents, families,

everything in the stand. And then you guys are down in the arena? We're on the floor, on the thing, with the three walls around you. And literally there's like the bedding boards are on both sides. So it's like the Quinella, you know, that's like the worst possible classic Florida.

That was Florida. And that was Florida. So I got out of there and then went to New York and went to NYU, drama, and just the boring kind of like normal. Wow. Yeah. And then started my stand. I catch in the comic strip where my two clubs. I remember those places.

Yeah. So I have recordings from those all the way up to 2015 was the last one on here. That's badass, dude. So it's a whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, I've never had a comedy album before. So not that I want this whole thing to be about the comedy album, but that's-

Wayne and I, we should tell everybody, we met on the set of a pilot that never happened. Remember that thing? Absolutely. We met before then. Well, we met before then, but we became friends on the set of that. Right. That thing. That overseas.

Do you remember they did an episode of your television show? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. News radio. Yeah. Yeah. One.

And I remember something you said to me, Joe Rogan. You said. Riders on the storm. You said. Do, do, do, do, do. You said you were talking about news radio and you go, you know, because we were doing the pilot. You're like, you know, there's a certain kind of like special quality that happens amongst people that creates a sitcom as much as the writing. And I just hope we can capture that.

Is that what I said? Yeah. You were saying you said that it was more that a sitcom, like a successful sitcom is more than just funny jokes. Yeah, it definitely is. Do you agree with that? Yeah, for sure. Do you agree with your younger self?

Yes, I do. Yeah, well, I was super lucky in that I got cast on news radio and we got along. The cast got along in a pretty incredible way. The way we jived together. That's what you were saying. There was a...

I mean, even guys that I didn't necessarily get along with that well, like Andy Dick. Right. Who was just so much work. It was hard to get along with Andy. But when we did get along on set, we had amazing chemistry. Yeah. Because our characters, the way we would interact with each other like in scenes was great but then there was also you know everybody on it

was so good it was just that was just a super fortunate place to be but there's been good actors and bad you know and sick times that don't work there's bad writing too yeah you gotta have good writing you know news radio was like in a lot of ways, it was a perfect storm. It was also a perfect storm in that it wasn't successful. How many years was it on? Five. But it was never really successful. At one point in time, we were number 88 in the ratings.

Did you think you were going to get canceled? Yeah. Every year? Every year. The only year we didn't think we were going to get canceled was the year we got canceled. That was after Phil died. Ah, life. Because we came back and did a season with John Lovitz. Right. That was after Phil died. Ah, life. Because we came back

and did a season with John Lovitz. Right, that's the season I did. Yeah. We did that last season with Lovitz and that was also

the same time where we were doing Overseas. It was during the same time. Same creator, right? Paul. Paul Sims, yeah. And it just

wasn't the same without Phil, for sure. But the show wasn't owned by the right people, so it never got that juicy after-friends time slot. There were so many shows that were terrible that went on for a long time and did really well in the ratings. Like, do you remember Sex and the City? Or like we used to call Sex and the Shitty? Did you ever see that? That's not NBC not sex in the city Caroline in the shitty Caroline in the city. That's the one They're the same thing to me. It's a fucking chick show I have them in like a box right in the category and then there was another one that was way worse the single guy

Do you remember the single guy actually I don Oh, Jonathan Silverman. Oh, yes. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like someone had... But they got prime spots that you guys... Oh, yeah. They got amazing spots. They were always like number two, number three in the ratings. They were the post-Friends. There was Friends, Seinfeld. There was that

sort of Thursday night group. And that used to be what you needed to get on. You need to get on that Thursday night lineup in order to have a successful sitcom. Must see. Must see TV. Yeah. But there was a different time then because when they moved you, no one knew where the

fuck you were. We got moved nine, eight or nine times over the period of five years. Oh, that's horrible. So we were on like Monday night and Sunday night and Tuesday night and we were all over the fucking place. And one time we were on Thursday and we were like number two. Do you have a favorite episode that you did? Yeah, the one we did

in space. We did a space episode. It was ridiculous. We did a... The fucking the writers were so goddamn good. And it really spoiled me. Like, that's probably one of the reasons why I never did a sitcom after that. Because they were so good. Did you ever guest on a sitcom?

Yeah, I guested on... You did something, right? Yeah, I did... What was the David Spade one where they... Oh, Just Shoot Me. Just Shoot Me, yeah. Yeah, I did an episode of that. I did an episode of a couple ones.

What was the difference between being on the show, cast regular, and guest starring? Who did you like? Well, you know, obviously the comfort level. You know, when you're on a set and you're there all the time, and you know the makeup lady and the sound guys and the cameramen are all the same folks, and you become friends with them. You know, there's a comfort level there. But Just Shoot Me, with all due respect,

wasn't as good, wasn't as funny, you know. For you. For me, yeah. But there was something about news radio that was just really special. There was a lot of it. Dave Foley was a big part of it, too. Because Dave Foley, that's the space episode. We did a whole episode. We were in space. It was amazing. Dave Foley was

almost like the secret producer of that show. Because they gave him, the writers were so smart that they gave him, pretty much everybody, artistic license to try out new ideas. And because of the fact that Dave was one of the guys from Kids in the Hall, was such a brilliant writer, just a brilliant guy, very fucking smart guy. Has he been on your show? Yeah, he's been on. Yeah. He told some of the most depressing stories about divorce.

Yeah, yeah. Good Lord. You want to talk about a man who's been fucking need in the balls over and over again through divorce. It is horrible, man. Horrible what they did to him. I know. It's really sad. But he's finally I think coming through it. Well, he's

on a successful show now with Dr. Ken. Yeah, yeah. What is that show called? Doctor. Dr. Ken? Doctor? Yeah. But it's doing well, called? Doctor. Dr. Ken? Doctor? Yeah. But it's doing well, right? Isn't that sitcom doing well?

I think it's holding on. It's holding on? They're all down. Did it get canceled? Renewed. No, renewed. Renewed. Well, good, because he owes about a half million bucks or he can't get to Canada. If Dave doesn't go to Canada, I mean, if Dave doesn't pay up.

His alimony and child support are off the charts because it was based on the money that he was making during news radio. Right. And then that was the most money he'd ever made in his life and never came close to it ever since. And it didn't matter. The doctor said to him, it was one of the most depressing things about the podcast, your ability to pay has no relation to your obligation to pay. So the doctor was like, look, you

established a lifestyle. Wait, why are you saying doctor? The doctor. Did he say doctor? I did. The judge. What just happened? It's a judge. Some suit character. Some official. No, I mean, did you just have a brain aneurysm? No, I just forgot what I was talking about. Are you alright? Do we need to take a break? Are you I just forgot what I was talking about. Are you all right?

I'm fine. Do we need to take a break? Are you trying to interrupt what I'm trying to say for no reason whatsoever other than to get your own rocks off? The judge told him that, and he was just devastated. And in a lot of ways, I don't think he ever recovered from that. When you find out that a doctor, I mean a judge, is doing that to you, and the system is so bad and so poorly constructed

go go live I mean we're already live have you been married? no would you be? would you do it? yeah

definitely putting that signal out there to the ladies let them know are you ready? yeah it's time believe me it's almost past time

I feel like I'm you know that chip but yeah yeah of having a family i don't know yeah hold on hold on hold on we don't know i just got a cramp on my leg yeah it's over don't all right just talking about marriage marriage gave you a cramp just talking about it just talking about making a commitment to a woman i was like well it's also the can Canadian system is pretty brutal. Canada is very different than the United States. And they just...

Oh. Keep talking. No, go ahead. I forgot. I wanted to ask you about something. Okay. Just hit me. Do you want to keep talking about Foley?

We can. No. Okay. Okay. There's this girl. I was trying to date her. she's not interested in me but but has gone to the amazon and done ayahuasca oh and she said that you i don't know if she learned about it from you or you were advocating for it but uh she, she went down there a couple times and then did it not in the

Amazon. How many times have you done it? I haven't done ayahuasca. What I've done is DMT, which is the active compound in ayahuasca. Oh, okay, okay. So let me, what ayahuasca is, here's what ayahuasca is. The Amazon indigenous people figured out a way to make DMT orally active. Right.

See, DMT is broken down in your gut by something called monoamine oxidase. All of this makes sense. So when you eat it, that's why when you eat a lot of grasses and different plants, you don't get high off the DMT in it because it gets broken down in your gut. Well, so what they figured out is a way to combine the leaves of one plant, which contain the DMT, and the... What is it? The leaves of the one... Like a triggering agent?

No, it's an MAO inhibitor. And so this combination of the two plants, one that contains DMT and one that suppresses monoamine oxidase in your gut, allows you to experience dimethyltryptamine orally. So it's a long DMT trip. What I've done is smoke it, which is way more intense, but way shorter lasting. When was the last time you did something? A year ago.

A year ago? Yeah. Alright, alright. You know me, we've known each other 20-some years. I'm not like a pot smoker, don't really drink at all, but I'm a drug experimenter like I've done mushrooms yes that's my favorite drug it's a great drug mushrooms are very

similar they are in in their reaction especially at high doses to DMT and in fact they're they're they're very similar as far as the compound themselves I think this where the way it's expressed in the body, DMT is N-N-dimethyltryptamine. And when psilocybin is broken down in the body, it produces something called 4-FOX-4-aloxy-N-N-dimethyltryptamine. I'm kind of like glazing over. I'm just saying they're really closely related. They are. The most potent psychedelic drugs are very closely related to basic human neurochemistry.

And DMT is human neurochemistry. It is actually the most potent psychedelic drug known to man. And it's actually produced by your body. It's produced in your liver. It's produced in your lungs. And it's produced in your pineal gland. Okay, let me ask you a question. Okay.

When you smoke the DMT, how many times have you done it? Nine times. Nine. Yeah. Will there be a 10? Yes. Today, with Wayne? Well, I don't have it here, but if I did, if you really wanted to go, we could do it.

What? You would? Yeah. I'm ready to do it again. I think I usually need some time after I do it to sit back and think about it and absorb it and take it in. Do you feel like it helped your stand-up at all? 100%. It helps everything in my life.

It helps me. Was there any downside? Yeah. Yeah. You get – there's a real anxiety that happened to me once after it was over. I did one trip where it was incredibly intense. And I wouldn't say overdose. You don't overdose because it's a natural part of your brain.

Your brain knows how to bring it back to baseline very quickly. It's like one of the most transient drugs ever observed in the body. You go from being blasted out of your fucking mind to completely sober in 20 minutes. All right. Yeah. How would you... But then you just dive back in. The last time I did it, we did it like four or five times,

so I was pretty gonzo for about an hour and a half or so, somewhere around there. We would go in, come out, go back in again. In the meantime, the whole time this is going on, we're playing this South American music, these Icaros, which these shamans have created to sort of coax the experience. Do I need a shaman to do this? No, you don't need a shaman. If you're going to do DMT, there's— Wayne Fetterman.

Just Wayne. Again, you know me. I'm kind of a—you know, I'm not an edgy guy, really. Okay. What would you recommend? How would you know, I'm not an edgy guy, really. Okay. What would you recommend? How would you recommend I do? Have you ever smoked crack? No.

Would you? No. With Wayne? No. What if I did this face? No. What if I did this? I'm no interested in crack.

I don't have any interest in even cocaine. Have you done it? I've never done cocaine, no. Oh. No, I don't have any interest in stimulants. I'm not interested in anything that gives me confidence. I'm not interested in any false sense of bravado and getting boosted up. I'm not interested in that.

Okay, okay. I feel like amphetamines and speed, what they do is they remove inhibitions in a way that gets you in a lot of trouble. What about drinking? Drinking? I like drinking. Even though that's a barbiturate, right? A barbiturate? Drinking is a downer,. Even though that's a barbiturate, right? A barbiturate. Drinking is a downer, right?

That's not a barbiturate, though. Like, isn't a barbiturate a specific class of drugs? Is alcohol barbiturate? I don't think barbiturate is a very specific class of downer, isn't it? We're going to find out. That was when I was, I'm not X. I don't drink really. But as a rule. What did it say? Barbiturates, overdose, blah, I don't drink really, but as a rule.

What did it say? Barbiturates, overdose, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Central nervous system, depressants, alcohol, opiates. Okay, so that's what they're saying? Is an overdose? No, I'm not talking about that. I'm just saying that I feel like alcohol. Barbiturates in overdose with other central nervous system depressions.

No, that's not what it's saying. So it's not saying, so it's different. They're saying it is different. You're saying, I'm just saying, is alcohol a barbiturate? That's why. No, that's not what it's saying. So it's not saying, so it's different. They're saying it is different. I'm saying, you're saying, I'm just saying, is alcohol a barbiturate? That's my... No. No, it said it shouldn't be mixed with alcohol. Barbiturate should not be mixed with alcohol. Okay, so it's... Is alcohol a drug

or antidepressant or barbiturate or all the above? What the fuck kind of question is that? Yeah, it's not the same thing. It's a depressant. It's a depressant, but that meant it's not a stimulant. No, it's not the same thing it's a depressant it's a depress but that meant it's not a stimulant no it's not a stimulant but it does loosen inhibitions yeah for me social lubricant me with the women when i'm drinking oh yeah what happens i'm way more um better better is the word fun i was well, hopefully I'm fun no matter what.

No matter what the scenario. But I will feel, I feel like I'm a little more sexually aggressive when I'm on a... Whoa. Jesus, settle down. I know. You a little rapey? Fetterman. Did you get a little rapey?

I wouldn't use the word. Wouldn't use that descriptor. But, yeah, I feel, you, you drink beer, right? I drink. Yeah. Yeah. I like, I like to drink. I only drink to get drunk. right? I drink, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like to drink. I only drink to get drunk.

Really? That's my style, yeah. So I don't ever casually, you never see me. You don't drink a glass of wine with dinner? No. Never. Oh, really? That's what I enjoy the most.

Never. Never like, oh, what is this, meat? I'm going to have the red. What is this, a piece of fish? The white. Oh, that's the other one, yeah. No, I drink way more one drink with dinner than anything else. What do you get from it?

I like a glass of wine. I enjoy the taste. The taste. If there was no alcohol in it, you think you'd enjoy the taste that much? I have really low alcohol wine that doesn't do anything for me. Oh, okay. So you like that. Do you like doing this?

Yeah, I got some paleo wine. No, I'm not a freak about it. I don't know enough. I like the way it smells, though. I like the way it tastes. I like to sip it with dinner. I like a nice wine with dinner. But I like a little buzz, too.

I go like a couple of glasses is nice. But I don't. Yeah, again, as far from judging as possible. I'm just curious. No, I'm not defensive. Yeah. But I. Alcohol is a depressant.

That's what I just meant. It's like a barbiturate. It's not a stimulant. But it does allow me to get... What's your word? Confident. Raping. Well, you might have confidence issues a little bit.

Sure. Yeah. Really? That might help you. Stand-up comedian asking for approval from strangers? Might have confidence? That's what I'm saying. That's interesting insight. Let me think about that. I go on deep end.

I take chances. I go out on a limb. So that's probably why you like it because it alleviates some of that anxiety. Well, there's things that happen in psychedelic drugs that make you more vulnerable. They make you more aware. Have you You know, they make you more aware. Have you done Molly?

Yes. What do you think of that thing? Well, I've done MDMA, which is Molly. You know, same thing. The after effects were way too brutal for me. The post-trip, the trip was wonderful. Trip was amazing, and I got some pretty deep insight about the nature of insecurities and how they manifest itself in social situations and conversations. Yeah.

But the next day, I couldn't read. I remember I was at a coffee shop and I was trying to read a magazine. I was like, I can't even fucking read. Couldn't concentrate. Yeah. And then I found out about, that's before I'd found out about HTP, 5-HTP, 5-HTP, which converts to serotonin. One of the things is serotonin depletion because of when you do MDMA, what's happening is you get this massive blast of serotonin. You feel amazing,

right? Right. Well, after it's over, that shit crashes and your body's depleted. You feel like a dry sponge. Like you don't feel good to me at least i had a dry sponge that can't read yeah i just my brain wasn't firing just wasn't working well and i didn't scary no i just didn't like it yeah didn't like the feeling and it took a at least a day or so from for it to rebound okay i was like not you're probably not going to do that again no no i don't think so not worth it the next day is just not worth it. You're probably not going to do that again. No. No, I don't think so. Not worth it. The next day is just not worth it to me. Okay.

And I've heard from some people that, oh, if you get the pure stuff, it doesn't do it. But the people that I've heard that from are all in poor health. They're not healthy. Yeah. The people that I've talked to that are healthy say there's always a price you pay for that trip. For the molly. Yeah. There's not a price you pay for mushrooms. I've never felt a physical price for mushrooms.

There's zero physical price you pay for DMT. None. Zero. Some people have an issue with ayahuasca because you purge. You'll do a lot of throwing up and a lot of diarrhea. That's why I'm not doing it. That's it? Well, that's one of the reasons.

I mean, again, I'm a drug experimenter i know everyone says that it's like a euphemism for i'm a drug user but i'm actually just like on the right circumstances i will do a drug even though it's not part of my life in any way so but i don't like throwing up yeah no what do you think is there a psychological no the stuff is disgusting everybody that tells me they've tried ayahuasca says it's fucking disgusting. I don't want to go to the jungle. And, I mean, I'm sure I could do it around here, but I'm not into bugs and snakes and jaguars and all that shit. You can go fuck yourself. I'm not going to a fucking rainforest.

No. But people have had these amazing experiences because they do it in the rainforest, and that's where it's from. See, I'm also, I hate to say this, and this is going to sound prejudiced but i'm kind of brown people that would sound that could sound prejudiced i'm sort of anti-shaman well there's a good reason to be because shamans are a lot like yogis like there's a lot of yogis that are really just douchebags that are trying to fuck women that are in their classes right there's a lot of shaman that are like that yeah for sure I feel like I have a pretty good radar about people yeah that makes sense okay thank

you people that want to be a shaman boy who knows who knows what you're gonna get there did you imagine there's a friend of mine that was a shaman that used to do these rituals. It's on his resume. MMA fighters. On his resume. No, but he would guide them and these people through these ayahuasca rituals. And he wanted to do it with me. And he died.

I would definitely do ayahuasca. And what ayahuasca is, is just a less intense, longer lasting version of a DMT trip. But the DMT trip... Now I'm more interested in DMT. Well, DMT is ayahuasca. But you don't throw up. No, you don't throw up because you're smoking it. You're smoking it and it goes directly to your bloodstream.

So it happens instantaneously. How many puffs do you have? Three big hits. A hit, not even a puff. Three is the magic number. Do you hold it in? No, you take big hits. A hit, not even a puff. Three is the magic number. Do you hold it in? No, you take big hits. It's like...

Hit it again. And then at the second one, reality starts getting real fragile. You start seeing things pixelate around you, but you got to go one more time, one more time, one more time. things pixelate around you and but you got to go one more time one more time one more time put the pipe down lay down and then it just overcomes you you go through the flower of life and enter into this massive infinite geometric pattern that's made out of love and understanding and you communicate with God. And that's your definition of a good trip?

It's pretty intense. It can be terrifying to some people. It definitely is terrifying if you try to control it and manipulate it, because then you're going to be in a wrestling match with your emotions and your mind. You have to be able to let go. It's one of the most difficult things

with any really intense breakthrough psychedelic experience. You got to be willing to let go. How would you compare it to, because I've only done mushrooms. How many, well, you say you've done mushrooms. When you say you've done mushrooms, what kind of dose are you talking about? Well, I ate, I hate the taste of it, so I put it in a Big Mac and I ate it. Oh, God.

That might be the worst way to take mushrooms I've ever heard. You put it in a Big Mac? A fucking Big Mac? Yeah, have you ever had one of those? No. McDonald's? Yeah, but why would you do that? They're delicious. Why would you put mushrooms in a Big Mac? Because I love

Big Macs. Are you judging Big Macs now? It's so bad for you. It's factory farmed. Those fucking tortured cows. Right, I get it. You're taking them in with the Mother Gaia. Wow. Well, maybe it was just, that was my experience.

What if I said- How many times have you done mushrooms? Okay, what if I said In-N-Out Burger? Would that be better? Not really. Really? They're much more delicious. What about from the counter?

What if I got our cheeseburger from the counter, brought it home, and then, because what I did, I kind of sprinkled it. You're not even supposed to eat meat for days before you do mushrooms. That's not true. It is. What kind of rule is that? The people that want to get the most out of the experience recommend that you have a

vegetable-only diet for at least 24 hours before you do any intense psychedelic. Let me ask you a question. Let's say I'm eating just salads. Am I allowed to have Thousand Island dressing? Good question. That's my favorite dressing. There's a lot of sugar in that. I would say avoid sugar. I would say avoid sugar. So just

like a vinaigrette? Avoid toxins. Avoid nasty shit. Oil and vinegar. You see what I'm drinking. Coca-Cola. It's not good for you. The greatest thing a man ever invented. It's good when you mix it with Jack Daniels and some ice. I'll suddenly not sip. But I want to know what kind of dose you're taking.

I don't know. You say you've done mushrooms. Open your hand up and show me how many mushrooms you're talking about. I would say fit like in here. Oh, you're not doing anything. You're having baby doses. So you're not even experiencing a dissolving of reality. No.

I was just trying to have a good time. Yeah. The real- That wasn't my goal was to have- The real mushroom trips only come after you get a few drinks. Say it again. What do you mean? Dissolving.

Dissolving of reality. That's the goal of being on mushrooms? Yeah. Not like, oh, I'm going to see Aerosmith at the Hollywood Bowl? Well, you could do that. That's the way I did it. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. Okay, so tell me.

But what I'm saying, if you want something that's commensurate with a DMT experience, you're going to have to take five grams. You're going to have to take a large dose. But it seemed like it was part of the mushroom that was like potent and other was just like little sticks and twigs. Well, sure. You need five grams of the potent stuff you need you need the real deal okay i didn't wait yeah you didn't wait i mean you look

you could depending upon the can you eat it how did you eat how do you eat them the mushrooms you just fucking eat them man like chew them yeah you eat them you're saying this like this is so alien. Well, I just found the taste so horrific. That's why I hid it into a delicious Big Mac. And the next time I did it, this is what I did. They're almost tasteless. They don't taste horrible at all. You've got to be kidding me. No.

Like, literally, if we go on the internet right now and put up the taste of mushrooms, everyone's going to say it's tasteless. If we go to pussysrus.com- Oh, that's my website. And we look- I'm driving traffic to my website. I've never had a problem with the taste.

No one's ever- They're not that bad. Wait a minute. You're saying- I'm sure some people don't like the taste. I've never heard the word horrific. What did you say about me earlier today? I'm sensitive.

You're a little bit sensitive. I'm a little bit sensitive. So maybe- Did pussysrus, does that hurt? Did that hurt you? No, not at all. We're friends. It's great. It earlier today? I'm sensitive. You're a little bit sensitive. I'm a little bit sensitive. Did Pussies R Us, does that hurt? Did that hurt you? No, not at all. It's great. It's branded.

I branded it. What if it happens? If you go to Pussies R Us, it's got to be a porn site, right? It's probably just like gaping fucking people throwing quarters down their hall. So, all right. All right. Okay. Okay.

So, I can't believe, because everyone I've ever spoken to, with the exception of a guy named Joe Rogan, has talked about how horrible mushrooms taste. They don't taste bad. Every person. Well, okay. I understand that. I believe you. But I've never found them to taste bad.

They just taste, they kind of taste like cardboard or something, or plasticky. They don't taste like much. I mean, they got... I had mushrooms three or four months ago. They didn't taste that bad. Okay, we're going to... Well... To me, it's okay.

I mean, it's not something I would look forward to. It's not like pistachios. I go, ooh, let me take some of these. But not that bad. Okay, all right. No big a deal. We'll let that lie. We'll let that lie. We'll let that lie.

I do think you're wrong about that. I just want to get the last word. Well, it's not a wrong thing. No. There's probably some things that you enjoy that I don't like. Obviously. Right? How do you feel about gefilte fish?

Okay. Of all the things that were going to come out of your mouth, that was one of the last things. I can eat it. It's not great. Okay. I agree with that. I can eat it. There's not great. Okay. I agree with that. I can eat it.

There's a fermented- The least favorite part is the jelly part. I get rid of that, but the actual fish I can deal with. There's a fermented shark that people eat in Iceland that is supposed to be fucking horrific for anyone else other than the people that live in Iceland. It's one of the few things that Anthony Bourdain told me that was truly disgusting that he ate on his show. He used to travel and go to these different places and try their local cuisine. Fermented shark.

Supposed to be fucking awful. But they enjoy it. Regional. You're saying there's regionalism when it comes to taste? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Okay. Now, I'm not going to talk about my diet because you're going to hate it you're going to why what do you do what do you eat what do you think big macs it's all big macs it's not all big macs but

a lot of shitty what you would consider shitty food i think you're overreacting to it you think i'm overreacting well what is shitty food then if that's not shitty food? I feel like if people during the Depression could get a 99-cent cheeseburger when people were so poor that they couldn't even afford meat. Like, they get maybe meat once a month. And that was the worst of it, some brisket thing. The people would be like, they would have thought it was the greatest thing on earth and i think they these cheese burgers that we get be it the quarter pound with cheese be it the double double it in and out be at the uh like you're pretty good i think they're pretty good food i know they're factory farmed i i get it i get it they're it seems horrible but right i'll re i'll re-ask the question what is bad then if that's not bad food.

What is bad food? Yeah. What's bad food for you? I would say food that has gone rotten. It just has to be rotten. Spoiled milk? It has to be literally poisonous and rotting for you to think it's bad food. Yes.

Yeah. Yes. That's a good question. No one's asked me that, by the way. You're not necessarily what I would consider health conscious you know i am super health conscious i just believe the negative uh what's the word for it the negativity are overblown by people that by people the negative repercussions of eating cheeseburgers? Eating cheeseburgers or pizza or something like that. Having a pizza or going to, you know, getting a...

Okay, forget about the rotten stuff. What you're talking about is literally the worst aspects of the American diet other than sugar. I know. I've read that book. So you're drinking sugar. I don't know what book you're talking about. But you're drinking a can of sugar that has, I want to say, 40 grams of sugar per can. How many grams? Not even close. 39.

Again, exaggerated. This is the point I'm trying to make, Joe. Not even close. That's a lot of fucking sugar, man. You're only supposed to eat 25 a day. A day? Yeah, 25 grams. Who says that?

Yeah, that's on there. By the way. Zero grams of protein, though. That's nice. How much fat in here? How much fat in here? Doesn't have to have any fat. Zero.

Converts to fat. Zero. Doesn't matter. Protein. It's going to go right to your gut, all that sugar. What do you think about insulin spike, from what you understand? From what I understand, when you gain weight, it doesn't go to one place.

It goes all over. That way you can't spot reduce. I think I'm correct on that. Yeah, but some people have an inclination to gain more gut fat. Some people gain it in unfortunate areas. I do. Like their ass. Some people it goes right to their ass. I mean, there's no

consensus. Right. No, no. Believe me. You're not the only one that is ass right some people goes goes right to their ass yeah i mean there's no uh consensus right yeah no no i believe me you're not the only one that is uh not happy with my diet who else isn't happy with your diet just you know people who are well read people understand diet people who are dietitians so doctors all of you so all this stuff when you're talking about like pizza and cheese burgers and sugar that's that's the chinese the things that people have a problem with. Have you ever had Chinese food? Yeah. I like that.

Chinese food is delicious. It's the reason why it's popular, right? Right. I like delicious things is basically what I would say. Yeah, me too. I just don't allow myself to have them very often. I feel like you're more disciplined than I am. Maybe.

Yeah. Probably. I think so. That more disciplined than I am. Maybe. Yeah. Probably. I think so. Well, that's been sort of the- The theme? The theme of my life as far as getting things done has always been about forcing myself to work. I think, especially comedians, one of the things about what we do is that it's so open-ended.

No one can tell us what to do. I don't know how your schedule works, but me, I call into the comedy store on Monday and I can decide how many days I want to put in for. I can say, oh, I'll do Tuesday and Friday, Saturday. So I'll take Wednesday and Thursday off. It's totally up to me, right? And I think that's how we all are.

We can decide when to work and when not to work. But there's a direct connection between forcing yourself to write more and perform more and you're getting better and you're getting more work and you're your comedy career progressing. And so for me, the discipline that I applied to, to fighting and martial arts and other things and to continue to stay fit and work out i apply to comedy too i just you just make yourself go do the thing but the the natural inclination of really funny people is often to fuck off is often to be lazy but i don't think that they're mutually

exclusive i think you can be disciplined but still have the same sort of comedic instincts you just have to know when to turn it on and when to turn it off and when it benefits you. Are you done? Yeah. I like when you go off on those things. I agree with you. I agree with you 100%.

I admire your discipline. I feel like I'm not as disciplined as you. Do you want to be more disciplined? Although people who look at me are always like, you accomplish more because I act, I do things, I go on the road, I do stand up, I write books, I write articles. But I know I'm not disciplined. But you're more disciplined than a lot of other comics.

I know. I just know me. But we all know comics, like, especially- They're just getting high all day. I know. Well, not only that, we all know the tragic stories of the guys who wrote an hour in, like, 1996 and never fucking adjusted it. And they had real promise. There's guys that are doing the same fucking jokes that you and I both know.

They've been doing the same jokes for 20 years. And they still are. And you can go and catch them at the fucking Laugh Factory tomorrow night and they'll tell a joke from the late 90s. Right. I mean, there's those guys. They exist. And a lot of those guys had massive potential. Like, they were really good.

But I think, I know you're blaming, some of it is obviously discipline and the, but I think it goes back to what we said earlier about the risk of doing new material. For sure. But that's a part of discipline as well. I about the risk of doing new material. For sure. But that's a part of discipline as well. I understand, but there's a pain involved with it. Maybe if you're just, I'm just hypothesizing here, that if you're a comedian and you love the attention and the approval, that that overwhelms your desire to write new material and go through that pain process. Yeah, that's certainly... I know that's a serious... There's definitely some excuses that you can make for why people don't write.

I think that's why Eddie Murphy doesn't do stand-up, by the way. Well, I think it's the thing where he got caught with those transvestite prostitutes. Okay, that's not what I think it is at all. I think that's 100% what it is, because that's when he stopped. No, he had stopped before then. He had stopped doing stand-up before then. Had he? Yeah.

You know, he's been caught a few times. Okay, this I don't... This is not... I'm not outing Eddie Murphy. We're not outing anything. Yeah, yeah. This is all news. Right.

But that happened... I thought that happened just once. I have a friend who's a cop. Uh-oh. And I know some things. You know some things? Yeah. You know what they call them?

Dragons. Your police officer friends? They call the drag queens, they call them dragons. Did you see that movie? They say it's all picking up dragons. See that movie Tangerine by any chance? No. What's that?

It's about dragons. Really? Yeah. No. Didn't see it. Shot. Is it good? About real dragons?

Shot on an iPhone. Shot on an iPhone. What's that? Ian Edwards is in it. Ian, your best friend, Ian Edwards, who you go see soccer matches with. Shot. Is it good? By real dragons? Shot on an iPhone. Shot on an iPhone. What's that? Ian Edwards is in it. Ian, your best friend, Ian Edwards, who you go see soccer matches with, is in that movie and is excellent in it. Is he? Did you see it?

Ian's excellent at everything. Yeah, he's a talented comic. Funny dude. He's a talented comic, right? Good guy, too. What a sweetie. He's a guy who eats really healthy. He does?

Sort of. More than you? He's vegan. But he's really disciplined. You're not vegan, are you? No. More than you? He's vegan. But he's really disciplined. You're not vegan, are you? No, but he's very disciplined with it. But he doesn't supplement. Like, if you are going to go vegan, you really have to take B12 and D3.

It's very hard to get them. Do you take D4 ever? D4? No. Yeah, that's the good one. No, it's not. Just think about it. I don't even know if that's a thing.

I don't think it's a thing. I don't take supplements. Might be. Might be a thing. I take D3. D3? Yeah. I don't take supplements. Might be. Might be a thing. I take D3. D3? Yeah. But he doesn't supplement.

And I just really try to get him to do that because he's always tired. He's always napping, wearing the cars on the way to gigs. He's fucking falling asleep and shit. Is that him in the movie? Anyway, shot on an iPhone. Are those iPhone? Yeah, that's a couple of dragons, as you like to call them. I've never heard that expression before.

It's an interesting little low-budget movie. Well, these fucking phones are way better than the film cameras that they used 20 years ago. I mean, what you can get off of a phone now, the images, and the crystal clear images off of just a regular iPhone 6, they're fucking phenomenal. No question. But I don't know if they're better than a good camera. It's the lenses that were amazing on those cameras.

Yeah, but I guarantee you, you could get a video camera from... Oh, a video camera. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you mean like a film camera? Yeah, I thought that's what you were saying. Like a movie camera? Yeah.

No, I meant like something nice. Well, it's interesting because... Nobody, they shot the whole thing on this. Yeah, but you could do that. I actually think the five. What's interesting about phones and digital is that it shows you the entire image as opposed to focusing on the center or the front, and then everything in the background is blurry,

which is what a lot of people like about film, about doing movies with films, that you would have... The shallow focus field. Yeah, and it's kind of, it really keeps your, it's almost like the way you see things in real life. Like if I'm looking at you in real life, I note that there's a background behind you, but I'm not really seeing it very clearly at all. I see you, and then I see Elvis Presley visiting President Nixon.

Did you ever see Presley perform? No, not live. Did you? No. Do you know they just released that movie? They digitally re-released the film, a concert film of his comeback in Vegas. Wait, I'm...

Are you talking about the film from 1970? Yeah, yeah. They digitally remastered it, and I was at the film from 1970? Yeah, yeah. They digitally remastered it, and I was at the movies recently, and they had a preview. They had a look. Fucking crazy. Wait, did they want you to do one of those nights in the theater where they do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was dancing.

What was really crazy was watching women react to him. Still? Just screaming. No, not the women today. The women back then. Screaming and falling down. They didn't even, they didn't even, like, you think about, like, how much bigger a star he was than anybody could ever be a star today. It's because, like, people are used to social media and video and Snapchat and this and that.

And there's a million different stars. And there's a million different movies. And there's a fucking 100,000 television television shows and you have 290 channels they're constantly running and there's all this information data it's not special anymore back then there was two fucking television channels there was these movies that he would come on and you know he would sing through the fucking movie there was only one Elvis. He was arguably one of the first ever singing movie stars, right? Singing slash superstars. No, he's one of the first ones.

I mean, how many of them there were? Why are you shaking your head? Because you're wrong. I'm just agreeing. There's Gene Kelly. There's a few guys who are dancing. Bing Crosby. Bing Crosby.

Right, but how many of them we're talking about? Al Jolson. Al Jolson. Al Jolson. Al Jolson, okay. The first movie. The first talkie. He was in the first talkie? Al Jolson was?

Well, I mean, it's officially known as the first talkie. It's called the jazz singer. Point being, point being, there's not that many back then. I mean, there's a very small pool of human beings. Yeah, but Frank Sinatra didn't sing in movies. Okay, Joe. Did he? Joe, this is getting sad now. Well, but Frank Sinatra didn't sing in movies. Okay, Joe. Did he? Joe, this is getting sad now.

Well, he sang. Did he sing? Was that a part of the movies? Yeah. Elvis would go, we got to go down to the beach. We're going to go down to the beach. You didn't see On the Town or any- We're going to go down to the beach.

Okay, it's not like- Yeah, it's a different thing. But you know what I mean? I mean, he would sing, but- Yeah. My point is, even if- Okay, it can include Sinatra. Right.

We're still only talking about like 20 people. There's so few. I agree with you. There's hundreds and hundreds now. I agree with you. He's a huge star. My point is, it was a new thing. It wasn't that, there was not much history to it.

I mean, television had only been around for a few decades in the 1950s. I mean, it's super new and then movies before that you know we before you know you the silent movies and then you're only talking about like 100 years maximum right so this is all a completely new experience these girls are seeing this superstar this guy this elvis presley was perfect hair and his singing and his fucking jumpsuit and the whole deal. And the reaction to them, it's almost like their brains can't process it. And they're screaming and they're fainting. And it's one of the most bizarre things about watching Elvis is watching the reaction to Elvis that these people have that are in the audience.

No question. Yeah, like that power. Can I talk about Elvis for another second? You don't have to ask me if you can talk about Elvis. I'm not allowed to. No question. Yeah, like that power. Can I talk about Elvis for another second? You don't have to ask me if you can talk about Elvis. I'm not allowed to. Just talk. Just talk. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. You know the book? I'm silly. I'm silly. Do you know the book? What is it? It's written by the guy about 10,000 hours. You need to do 10,000 hours to be good at something.

Is that Malcolm Gladwell? Malcolm Gladwell. Yeah. Yeah. Blink. The one after Blink. Yeah. Right.

So Elvis is the opposite of the 10,000 hours. The opposite. Because if you go back, it was learned, like, how did Elvis? Like, what was he? He sang in high school a little bit, but not in a band. Not in a band around Memphis, Tennessee, gigging or anything. Recorded a thing for his mom, a song for his mom at Sun Records. Said, oh, I want to sing here.

The girl liked it. You know, the secretary, she gave it to the boss. He was like, oh, I think he's got to get a voice. Let me bring in some local guys. And they cut these unbelievable rockabilly albums he had never sung with the band wow did he sing around his home or anything who knows but even it wasn't 10 000 hours like the beatles in hamburg or something like that where you're like oh i'm gonna learn how to sing and get around it or you know billy joel playing

around for a long time and then finally breaking through. He was in a rock band before he became Billy Joel. It's the craziest. Yeah. I just feel like his story is like he's the opposite of that 10,000 hour. He's like out of the gate great. And he was the biggest superstar ever. There was no roadmap for him to follow. There had never been anybody before him.

Plus, he was also the first guy to experience pills oh you know i mean as far as like superstars like that's when the whole pill craze was coming on was like during the 50s and the 60s you know there was no i mean how many fucking pills were there i mean there were opiates they could give you opium and you know milk of the puppy there was a bunch of different things that they would give people. Dilaudid. Remember they used to give those women Dilaudid in those old Wild West movies? That was basically an opiate.

They would give them certain drugs, but he was one of the first guys that really got into, like, pills. Yeah. Yeah, he had some... He was kind of an addict, right? Oh, fuck yeah, he was an addict. I mean, that's one of the reasons why he died so young. I mean, for sure. Yeah, I never saw him perform. But I did see...

I know you were talking about Freddie Mercury. I saw those guys once. Oh, yeah. And you liked him, right? Oh, fuck yeah. Huge Freddie Mercury fan. Do you... I only saw him in concert once, and I'm still laughing at it. Really? Oh, they do the most ridiculous thing in concert.

First of all, he's in a white suit, and then by the end, he's just in white underwear. He's just great. Slowly, his shoes are off, his shirt's off. It's great. It's great. But you know the song Bohemian Rhapsody? Yeah. Do you know how they do it in concert?

No. Oh, Joe, it's classic. So I'm like, okay, I can't wait to see this. Bohemian Rhapsody. Are they going to go around a mic and hold their hand to their ears and do the, is this the, you know, the harmonies? None of it. They skip the beginning part.

They skip it. Skip it completely. Start with the, doon, doon, doon, doon, doon, doon, the piano part. Really? Mama. Yeah, they don't do the is this a real life? Is this just fantasy caught in a lance?

Escape from reality. All of that gone. Really? Yeah. So they start with the song. Wait, Joe, this gets better. Mother. Yeah, it's mama just killed a man. People are going nah, da-da-da-da. Then they play the first guitar solo and then they go.

I'm just. You know that part? The opera part? Guess what happens at that part? What? They run off stage. Queen leaves the stage. They play the record.

The whole opera part. I'm just a poor boy from a poor. All of that. And then when they come back for the guitar solo, then they come back on stage and sing the rest of the show, the song. Huh. It's the craziest thing I had ever seen. Madison Square, I'm like, I turned to the person, and I was like, you realize there's no one on stage right now.

No one on stage. And they're just playing that opera part. Hmm. Like a song of it. I wonder why they do that. Because vocally, I assume, it would just be impossible to come near what's on that record. Right? Yeah, I guess.

You like that song, right? Yeah, but I would imagine they would want to replicate. I mean, opera singers can replicate opera. Yeah, but it's so multi-tracked. Right. Yeah, that's's so multi-tracked. Right, right. Yeah, that's it. It's so produced. I will not go.

But you would think that they would at least perform part of it. Well, they do. They do the easy part. No, but I mean while they're doing it. While all the background stuff is... They would at least participate. Run off stage.

Huh. Maybe they take a cigarette break. Like four little girls. Just like, we can't do this. Really? We're out of here. And then they come back. And he was a pretty good singer.

Yeah. That guy was a good singer. Hmm. What's the best concert you've seen? Or your favorite? Favorite. Do you even go to concerts? No, very rarely now.

Because I can. All right. This even go to concerts? No, very rarely now. Because I can... All right, this is going to sound insulting. This is going to sound insulting. Okay. But when I look at you, know your act, I think of you like a Slayer concert. Oh, that's hilarious. A Danzig concert. I don't like any of that shit.

You don't? No. No. Tell me what you like. I'm totally, I apologize if I judged you on your- I'm of a wide range. You have a kind of an aggressive act, right? Not like a Slayer aggressive act.

You don't even watch. He doesn't watch my acts. That's not true. I was watching you the other night doing your bit about the new Bruce Jenner or whatever. What's her name? Caitlyn. Caitlyn Jenner, yeah. How do you feel about that Caitlyn Jenner thing?

Well, first of all, I'm afraid to talk about it because I'm afraid to talk. You're way braver than I am. You're way braver than I am. Although there was a comedian last night who had a great joke. God, what was his name? Kyle, Kyle something. Kyle Kinane? No, not Kyle Kinane. I'll what was his name? Kyle, Kyle something. Kyle Kinane? No, not Kyle Kinane. I'll think of his name.

This is not my joke, but he said. Don't say his joke. Don't say his joke without his name? No. You're going to give his joke away. It was just a throwaway. Maybe. Maybe it's his favorite thing ever. I don't know. No, he's doing the Tonight Show on Wednesday and he's not doing that joke. Definitely tell that joke before he does it on the Tonight Show.

He's not doing it on the Tonight Show. I'm saying that. All right. Never mind. Never mind. Never mind. But it's a weird subject, right? It is.

All of a sudden, you're not supposed to make fun of something that's obviously ridiculous. Unprecedented. Yeah. Unprecedented. Well, I don't buy it, and I'm not going to buy it, and I don't care. Do you get any blowback at all? Sure. You do? Sure. People get upset. Yeah. And do and I don't care. Do you get any blowback at all? Sure. You do?

Sure, people get upset, yeah. And do you zen out on it? Do you think it's funny? Listen, this is a really easily defensible one. First of all, you're talking about a ridiculous human being, okay? Not just ridiculous, but patently ridiculous. Right. A guy who is a transsexual man.

Jeff Dye was the comedian. Oh, okay. I'm going to do his joke later. who is a transsexual man. Jeff Dye was the comedian. Oh, okay. I'm going to do his joke later. Transsexual comedian who,

comedian, transsexual man who became a woman and doesn't believe in gay marriage. So he's a ridiculous person right there. And on Ellen, when Ellen confronted him, did you ever watch that? No.

It's pretty fucking awkward because you realize, first of all, how stupid he really is. He's a dumb man. He's not smart. As a woman, as a man, whatever. But when Ellen's talking to him about gay rights and about gay marriage, about wouldn't you think that you as a person who's been marginalized your whole life, you would support

that. His argument was, or her argument, whatever you want to call it, well, I've always been trying to be sort of a traditionalist. Like, no, you're not a traditionalist. You're a fucking man with nail polish on and a dress who's now a woman. And you had your jaw shaved down to be a woman. You have fake tits. You're not fucking traditional at all. And that's a shitty, stupid excuse for being a bigot. Like, you can't say that you don't support gay marriage because you're a traditional woman. Because you're not a traditional woman.

And then there's a bunch of things about him that's preposterous. So that he doesn't hold that position, you feel, gives you more latitude? No. It drives me nuts. Okay. That the only thing that we're supposed to be paying attention to. When you're looking at someone who's doing something that's obviously odd, right? Right.

You're not supposed to make fun of it because it's a thing about gender. Why is gender all of a sudden the only that like this is the only category that precludes you from humor like you're you're supposed to be you're on safe space right you've you've you're holding on to base like i'm touching base you can't get me i'm touching base this is gender that i i reject that and i think that over time we're going to realize how ridiculous we were acting with this preposterous person who's essentially a male Kardashian, an older male Kardashian.

I mean, that's what the fuck he is, right? And on top of that, everybody forgets he killed a woman. He fucking slammed into some lady because he wasn't paying attention, knocked her into oncoming traffic, and she died. And everybody just sort of whisked that away. And then he wins an espy award and he's walking around with fucking drapes flowing the the curtains in the breeze and there's a helicopter flying over him when he's walking around his house in his heels it's

preposterous this is a preposterous person this is not a standard subject of transsexuals who you know need to be respected for their choices of course you should respect people for their choices of course people should be able to express themselves in any way they want you could be a heterosexual man who is completely into women but likes dressing up like a woman and I support that too you can say you're a woman he was a woman when he was on the Diane short Sawyer show or he was a man. He said he wants to be him. He wants to be called he.

And then immediately after the attention that he got from that, he gets massive surgery and changes his name to Caitlin. This is a ridiculous person. Right. This is a person that's infatuated with attention for no reason. Not attention for their art, not attention for their philosophies or for their thoughts or for their work. No, this is a person who's infatuated with attention for no reason. That's why I think you're supposed to be able to make fun of this person. I think my feeling is that, and again, you know my act. Not edgy at all.

Not an edgy act. Well, you know my act. Not edgy at all. Not an edgy act. Well, you go after some stuff. I loved your bit about actors. I fucking loved that because I've always felt the same way. You did a bit that I was clapping and laughing at about actors being able to cry on cue. And you were like, yeah, that's because they're fucking crazy. These are massively damaged people. Like, trust me, I know them.

I work with them. You did this really funny bit about actors. Thank you. Thank you. Right. All right. But that's as, like, as edgy as that. But you went in.

Yeah, I did. You went all in on the actors. That's completely benign. But you have to work with them all the time. I know. I know. I know. I know. Well, it was just about, because I went to acting school. actors. That's completely benign. But you have to work with them all the time. I know, I know, I know, I know. Well, it was just about, because I went to acting school. Right. Yeah.

And patently the most ridiculous people in all of show business. The actor? Without a doubt. Well, Seinfeld does a great, just a great takedown of actors all the time. He's just like, what are they, why are we giving them awards? It's like, they're told what to say, where to stand.

Like, they don't have to do anything. Why are they getting an award? It's great. It's great. Yeah. No, I learned that in acting school.

Like, the more emotional you were, the better actor you were. Like, it's true. Yeah. It's true. The more emotionally imbalanced,

the more unhinged. The whole thing. The whole thing. The less grounded you are in are in reality yeah you're creating this whole thing that you can really become a great actor um anyway my point was that even if caitlin wasn't all of it even if she was pro-gay marriage or not part of the kardashians i still feel like it's part of life and can be made fun of. Sure, of course. And I don't, this is a thing I have a problem with,

which is this thing about punching down. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? Yeah, but this is all nonsense. I agree with you. It's all nonsense. You're allowed to make fun of things. You're allowed to make fun of everything. I make more fun of myself is my main thing,

but you're allowed to make fun of things, right? Of course, of course. That's a fun of things, right? Of course. That's a given. 100%. That's a given. This whole punching down thing is a symptom. It's all coming out of social media. It's a consequence of people being able to criticize and get upset about things and become recreationally outraged.

And yeah, well, there's some punching down that's really fucking mean. Of course. But then there's Kinison talking about the starving people in Ethiopia. That's fucking hilarious. It's a total punching down bit and it's one of the greatest bits of all time. But it's funny and you cannot define what's funny and what's not funny.

Some people, they nail it. Well, we have seen some mean comedy who bully people with their comedy, right? It doesn't work though, right? It's not good. Nobody likes it. I've seen it work sometimes. So it's, I'm not saying there's nothing to it i'm saying the idea that like some things are off limits or what your great analogy you're using of i'm on base and this you can't touch this right crazy right there's nothing off limits but can't be but people will

decide that there's something off limits and then then the way they reinforce that, they gang up on people like bullies. Like Daniel Tosh got in trouble. Remember when Daniel Tosh made that joke? Yeah. Which was where... He was dealing with a heckler, right? He was dealing with a heckler. Yeah.

And he was also not even supposed to be on stage, so he didn't have any material prepared, and Dom Herrera forced him to go on stage. He said, come on, go on stage. He said, all right, okay. So he went on stage, and he didn't have any materials. He goes, what do you guys want to talk about? I don't have any material prepared and dom herrera forced him to go on stage so come on go on stage so he said all right okay so he went on stage and he didn't have any materials he goes what do you guys want to talk i don't have any material what do you guys want to talk about and some guy yells out rape and so he goes what's what's funny about rape the humiliation the violence like what what sir what's funny about rape and some woman yells out actually nothing's funny about rape this is

like someone who took the opportunity to be sanctimonious and obviously nothing's funny about rape this is like someone who took the opportunity to be sanctimonious and obviously nothing's funny about rape and he goes well wouldn't it be funny if five guys just raped her right now which is something that a comedian would say right and so this woman goes and writes a blog and then it becomes this big issue did he cross

the line she's a fucking heckler I know I know this lady's a heckler not only that she's the worst kind of heckler. Someone who's trying to take this moral high ground and be sanctimonious and stand up and admonish anyone for saying that.

Look, you'll enjoy the show or don't enjoy the show. Leave. Do whatever the fuck you want, but if you want to jump in and decide that you're going to be the moral voice of the crowd, you're going to be the moral voice of the crowd you're going to get chopped up that's how comedy works that's you're you're dealing with live comedy and when someone has to make comedy out of what you just you just come all over these people you used your emotions and you used your morality and you decided you're

going to enforce it on these people in the middle of a comedy show you can't do that You know what he's doing. He's trying to make comedy out of something and also just his reaction to be the Yeah, it was perfect. Just in that kind of like okay What is the worst offensive thing I could say to somebody exactly who just said that nothing about rapes is fun Yeah, we're gonna be funny five guys raped her right now And then by the way the audience howled laughing. Right, right. The timing was perfect, and she just decided,

this is a fucking wonderful opportunity to be recreationally outraged. Yeah, it's, look, I... Fuck them. I understand, I understand, I understand. But I do, what about, let me take the side of, like, look, now that I have a Twitter account. I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about an audience member now who's outraged that somebody made fun of something.

That now comedians can't hear. Like, I don't have free speech. I can't yell at them. Me and my friends can't gang up on a comedian and yell at them on Twitter. You certainly can. Right. But you're a cunt. Oh, okay.

It depends on whether or not you have a point, right? It's like all kinds of opinions. I mean, you can have an argument with someone. Like, say if you have an argument with someone publicly and somebody walks by and they maybe didn't get the entire full argument, but they watch you say something mean to that person. They're allowed to have an opinion on that. It might not be the most informed opinion.

It might not be correct. And maybe you can choose to engage them and have a discussion about their opinion, or you can choose to not and let it exist in a vacuum and let them just fucking yap about you. Let me ask you another question. Okay. And I know you don't like me asking about asking questions. Right? That's not the question, though. Okay right that's not the question though okay that's not the

question is there anything you've done in your act through the years and you've released many albums had five specials right at least yeah at least can't even count uh is there anything you've looked back and gone i don't think i would have worded that today the way I did back then. Not in terms of it being offensive, but in terms of it being not the economy of words was incorrect or it wasn't the best bit or I should have worked on it more before I did it. Or maybe I got a little lazy. Okay.

But just more about tightening and making the bit better. Yeah, but that's just like looking at it now, standing back and being completely done with the material and then going over it now and then being able to critique it honestly and openly. But at the time, no. Those are my points of view. No, not at the time.

I'm saying looking back, would you go, oh, I wish I hadn't said. No, not really. Okay. No. No, I mean, I think pretty much everything I've ever said I've thought about before I said it. Enough to the point where I had to have a reason if I wanted to joke about it. And then I had to have a perspective.

I meant just more as an evolution, as someone who's always, as you said earlier, learning and trying new things. Yeah, I mean, I certainly always have an evolution of my own thought process. But I think when I look at old comedy, what gets me is extra words. Yeah, extra words. It hurts. Yeah, economy of words is so critical. And also, you know, the being in the moment and the timing and, you know, it's why it's hard to watch yourself.

It's hard, but it's critical because that watching and listening to yourself. Do you tape yourself? Every set. Every set. Wow. Yeah. That is discipline. Got to.

That is hard. Yeah, that is. That's the only way you're ever going to understand where you ad-libbed and figure out what those ad-libs are and whether or not they're valid. When do you listen to it? On the car on the way home? Yeah. That's the best way.

Or the next day on the car on the way to the show again, I'll listen to it. Because it's so nice because your phone just Bluetooths up to the stereo. It's great. It's easy to do. And sometimes it's painful. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. Dude, I just got done editing my special.

And, you know, sitting down there listening to yourself. You did that in San Francisco? Yeah. Yeah. I did it at the Fillmore. Right. And then going and- Thank you.

And then going and watching it. It's like, oh, I fucking hate myself. I don't want to watch it. It's gross. You know? Dude, we just did three hours. Okay, we're done. We're done. We did it. You're going to walk it. It's gross. Dude, we just did three hours. Okay, we're done. We're done.

We did it. You're going to walk away? He actually left. Fatterman has left, but I got his phone. It's a fake leaving. He left your phone. That was the bit. He did the bit.

Let's wrap this up. Let's do a wrap up. Yeah, let's wrap this up. How do you usually wrap up? We don't. There did the bit. Let's wrap this up. Let's do a wrap up. Yeah, let's wrap this up. How do you usually wrap up? We don't. There's no usual. This is the beautiful thing about podcasts, man. I do like it. How many times have you done podcasts? Many.

Many. Yeah? Many. Come on up to the microphone so people can hear you. Oh, is that how you do it? Yeah, like that. There you go. You've got to be up there. You've done a bunch of them? Yeah. I've never done... This is the longest I've ever done. Have you ever thought about doing your own? I did do one with a girl. It didn't work out because you fell in love?

No. See, it's interesting. She was 25 years younger than I. Married. I'm single, so we had this great back and forth, little bit of attention. Sexual tension? I think a little, unfortunately, yeah, a little bit. On your side or her side or both?

Just leave it there. Let's just leave it there. Let's just leave it there. Let's just leave it there. At Fetterman on Twitter. Yeah. Whoever you are, that guy who stole Wade Fetterman, fuck you. Fuck you, buddy.

Tried to get money from you, right? I think he wants some money, yeah. Let's get Twitter to get that back. Jamie you, buddy. Try to get money from you, right? I think he wants some money, yeah. Let's get Twitter to get that back. Jamie, contact them. Get on that. Get Chandra on it. Thank you for inviting me. My pleasure, dude.

For allowing me on your show. I totally invited you. Number 200? 829. Why are you saying 200? 829. 829. How many of those have you heard completely back again?

At least five. I would think it would be less than five. It's more than five. Five? Yeah, I probably heard 12. That's pretty good. I don't listen to very many of them. I couldn't.

How could you? Yeah, no time and I don't want to. Man, it's out there. Yeah, but again, it's the same kind of thing like stand-up. You learn when you talk too much, if you talk over people, if you don't listen. I know. I feel like I interrupted you too much. No, you were great.

Thank you. Thank you. But I did have the, I really appreciate the compliment, that album, the Jimi Hendrix Experience. It was my older brother's, but I remember Mitch Mitchell. I wish I could remember the name of the bass player. Do you remember his name? No. Those are just replace remember his name? No. Those are just replaceable white dudes.

No. No, I feel like they were never as good. Noel Redding is my guess. That's off the top. I'm not looking at it. You can tell them right now. Am I looking at a computer? No, you're not looking at a computer.

I'm going to say Noel Redding, Mitch Mitchell, and then Jim Hendricks. That's the way I used to call him. All right. Wayne Fetterman, ladies and gentlemen. Later. Goodbye. See you tomorrow. We'll the way I used to call him. All right. Wayne Fetterman, ladies and gentlemen. Later. Goodbye. See you tomorrow. We'll be back tomorrow with Neil Brennan.

All right. That was easy.