The Joe Rogan Experience - #84 - Duncan Trussell

Episode Date: February 28, 2011

Joe sits down with Duncan Trussell.

And I successfully got Brody and Danielle Stewart to put their fingers in my really used flashlight on the drunk ass and smell it. Danielle Stewart being Jason Tebbs' girlfriend, you fuck? Yeah. You're a problem. He's possessed by his AIDS and it's controlling him to spread it around. It's like some sort of a parasite, right? Like that aquatic worm. No, or that mushroom that like falls on the ants and the ants go and wander into the pool and drown themselves.

I don't know about this one. You haven't seen that? The parasitic fungus? Maybe we're talking about the same thing. I was talking about an aquatic worm that grows into a grasshopper's body, gets to a certain size, and then convinces the grasshopper to go swim.

Grasshoppers can't swim. What is this fungus? This is different. convinces the grasshopper to go swim. Grasshoppers can't swim. What is this fungus? This is different. But I love, like, what is that grasshopper thinking? He's not thinking anymore. What happens is the aquatic worm rewires his brain somehow or another, you know? It's the weirdest, like, how did that work with evolution? There's a bunch of other ones out there, too.

I know there's one that makes some bugs' head glow. I forget the bug it is but it completely zombifies the bug takes over what's the matter you can just lift your mic up a little it's not facing you i think that might be what the sound kind of distortion is really yeah okay i mean like does that sound better people at home say yes people at home on the treadmill yes talk to a lot of fucking people in australia that listen to the podcast it was kind of a trip you you know, because, uh, last year when I was there, I didn't have the podcast. I didn't do it. Or if I did do it, it was only like we'd done like a couple of them and nobody knew about it. But now, you know, uh, when, when we were in Rudy Hill and I mentioned the podcast and all these people cheered, I was like, wow, like how many of you

fucking people? Like, and then I And then I started thinking about it. Has there ever been a medium like that where you can just put something online and someone on the other side of the continent can be a weekly listener of this thing? That's fucking crazy. No, I don't think. Is there a lot of people? Yeah, it's packed. And then we did another show on Sunday night after the UFC.

Sunday night, the UFC was over at five because the way the way that it was set up was so it could be live on pay-per-view in America on Saturday night, which is Sunday early afternoon in Australia. So 7. PM here is, uh, you know, like two,

two there, 2. PM there. Oh, so it was live. It wasn't recorded. It was live, but it was,

we shot it on Sunday so then we were there Sunday night and we were like well hey we're gonna be out of here at five o'clock so uh the woman who runs a local club her name's Jules it's called the laugh garage uh we we said hey well let's uh let's fucking let's go do a set there so we we hooked it up and uh just on Twitter packed the place really Really? Yeah, just threw out some Twitter messages. Said, hey, we're doing an impromptu ninja show. Amazing. And then we went down there.

All these cool motherfuckers came out. It was a really fun show. It was really fun. It's a small place. It only seats like 150 people. And it's real tight and intimate. Just the perfect size comedy club. You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's got the perfect vibes. It's got all the shitty head shots on the wall. All the exact things that you want from a great club yeah good bar great owners people that love comedy so we did that on sunday night we had a a show there was fucking fun as hell awesome isn't it amazing that you could do that now you don't have to fucking go on radio stations put out advertisements and newspapers you just fucking put on your cell phone hey i'm gonna be here at this time. Go here.

This is the first time I really did it like that. Where I did a show from a few hours to let's do a show in a few hours. Ready, go. And it all did it wirelessly from cell phones. Yeah. It's incredible. The connection that you have with people now is just off the charts. Yeah, it's causing some insane shit to happen

in the world right now. All this stuff in Libya and the Middle East is... And Charlie Sheen. I blame it. Charlie Sheen. Apparently, Mrs. Rogan was ecstatic about the newest Charlie Sheen interview because apparently he comes off crazy in a fucking loon.

You haven't heard any of it. He did a new one and he goes, the only drug I'm on is Charlie Sheen. I need to hear that. I need to hear those actual words. Because on the way over to the airport, me and Ari were listening to the one when it was on the Alex Jones show, which, by the way, got him kicked off that show.

They canceled production of the show for the rest of the season because of that one interview. I heard just recently he said he's not quitting or he's back on it or something like that. Because I know there was a while they were going to have Emilia Estevez fill in. But then I thought I just heard on or read on TMZ that now he's like, no, I'm not leaving the show or quitting the show. It wasn't his choice. It was them.

I don't know where you're getting this from. They fired him Why don't you look that up Because what they were saying was that they were canceling production of the show for the season Because of his erratic behavior And that he needs to seek help He goes, I'm just tired of pretending that I'm not freaking winning At every corner, at every turn Just delivering the freaking goods Over and over again

And they asked him about piss tests And he goes, yeah, I'll pass the first one Second one's in your mouth. Okay? It's called winning. I'm tired of pretending. I'm here with the goddesses. I'm tired of pretending that I'm not living the perfect frickin' life. And I'm out there delivering

the goods at every turn. He's another... I love him. I love him too, man. I love him. Because you got two... Get a coconut water. You got two archetypes going on Charlie Sheen. One of them is he's just doing what really powerful guys have been doing for thousands of years when they have a lot of money. They try to establish a harem. That's like a basic thing.

That's been in society for a very long time. That's all he's doing. He's just living like the Western version of some Roman emperor. I misread. He was saying that he was going to sue and stuff like that, meaning no, he's not quitting. This is not happening. That's not misread. You didn't read it at all, bitch.

That's what he was saying. That's what he said, though. Yeah, they don't back down that easy. This is a gunfight right now between him and the executive producer. I know how this works. Did you hear him, the shit he talked about on the executive producer? Yeah, he talked a lot of shit. And he was upset that the guy said something at one of the closings of the show.

He said, you know, that I eat right. I do, you know, I exercise. I get my colon checked twice a year. If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm going to be really pissed. I would think that's funny. I would take that as a colon checked twice a year. If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm going to be really pissed. Right. I would think that's funny. I would take that as a joke if I was Charlie. I would be like, you know, I mean, he's going out Hunter S. Thompson style, man. Yeah.

In front of the whole world to see. Yep. I'm delivering the freaking goods at every turn. Okay? It's called winning. He's got that long breath that he does. It's called winning. Yeah. He's got that long breath that he does. It's called winning. Yeah, he's...

Delivering the freaking goods. This stuff on paper is a lot better than when you hear it live. Find the interview. Find the most recent one, because apparently it's just fucking gold, and he looks crazy as shit, and his eyeballs are bugging out while he's talking. The only drug I'm on is Charlie Sheen. He just did a piss test for Radar Online, and it came up negative. Like he flew from the Bahamas and pissed in a cup in front of them, supposedly.

I don't think cocaine stays in your system that long. That's not that impressive. No, they had a list. They said that it would have— Well, I mean, I'm sure he's got— There's a trick or something, I'm sure, so that it doesn't show up. Well, maybe he's not. Maybe he's just crazy.

Maybe he's not even high. Do you want to hear audio from this morning? He's on the Today Show. Yes. Delivering the freaking goods. I'm going to get a Charlie Sheen impression. I'm working on it. Sounds decent, right? No, that's really good. It's on its way.

I'm tired of pretending I'm not living the perfect freaking life. It's called winning. The only drug I'm on is Charlie Sheen. You guys get a little sniffle after it. I'm here with the goddesses. That was not good. I need to hear them and then I'll do it.

I need to hear people. I'm not a good impressionist. I'm only good for Joey Diaz. You know what I'm saying? There's a few people, cocksucker, that I got nailed. I know where to go. I know how to fucking talk like them. Like Alex Jones. I can do Alex Jones.

Charlie. Okay, Charlie. Basically, you're clean, and you've been clean now for two years. I'm tired of pretending I'm not delivering the freaking goods. Fucking hilarious, dude. I need to put it all together with some material. Hey, isn't Sheen a 911? Yes. Oh, yeah. I need to put it all together with some material. Hey, isn't Sheen a 9-1-1? Yes.

Oh, yeah, a truther. He's gone as far as, hold on one second real quick while we get over this, because this is interesting. He's gone as far as to write a fake question and answer with Obama, where it looked like an interview with Obama. When I first read it, I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? And then it gets to the end, and then he tells you that it's fiction, and wouldn't it be amazing if he actually had the opportunity to sit down with President Obama and talk to him about this? I'm thinking Charlie Sheen might be a government agent.

This whole thing might just be his way of being a patriot and really discrediting the 9-1-1 truth or movement and what he's doing is he's just banging all these whores for america that's what i'm thinking and all the coke and all the whores and all the erratic behavior is really just to make the 9-1-1 truth or movement look ridiculous this is what i think man that is a i think that's hot like 99 probably mostly likely yeah totally i'm just trying to pretend i'm not living the perfect freaking life I think that's like 99% probable. Mostly. Likely. Yeah, totally. I'm just trying to pretend I'm not living the perfect freaking life. Just delivering the goods at every turn.

He's trim. Drunk. He's faking the whole thing, man. He's an agent. He's working for America. With this 9-11 truther movement, you can really fuck up the foundation of this country. Erode confidence in the base. fuck up the foundation of this country. It rode confidence in the base.

And so when Charlie Sheen goes out there on a deep end in Bahamas with a suitcase full of heroin, with different color socks on, you know, I mean, Charlie Sheen is out there doing it. Like 30 years ago, the CIA was like, get me a baby Estevez. We're going to train him. We're going to get him huge. This is what we're going to do. We're going to start him off super legit. Oliver Stone movies, Platoon, Wall Street.

He's going to be a fucking huge, successful mainstream actor. Then massive just whores and drugs and then a rebirth on television. And once we get him on television, then we've hit the final phase. Yeah. Okay? Because when he's on television, then he's in the people's homes. And he's a little bit humbled because he's not a movie star anymore, right? I mean, now he's a television star. It's not quite the same. So he's not, he's not, you

know, he's already lost a little bit of credibility. Maybe he's already sliding, you know, but then you hear he's making millions of dollars a week and he's blowing and doing crazy things. Well, now Charlie Sheen's out of control. So then you got to say, well, okay, why is Charlie Sheen into the 9-11 truth movement? Why is he doing that? Because Charlie Sheen works for the government. It's a perfect plot. You really think they would pay him $2 million a week for that shitbag fucking show? That show's goddamn terrible. That show is a goddamn atrocity.

Of course they don't pay him $2 million a week. This is just the mainstream news reports what the CIA tells them to report. Yep. Okay, I'm in there working for America at every freaking turn I gotta tell you man if you watch that show I can believe it because that has to be

one of the most miserable shows I've ever seen there is something about working I said this about Grace Under Fire remember when

Brett Butler had that TV show Grace Under Fire Brian what the fuck are you doing son you got your whole shit on autoplay

anyway when Brett Butler was on that show Grace Under Fire and she started going nutty, like throwing fucking glasses of water in people's faces. I heard a lot of shit. Like, that was when I was on Hardball, the first sitcom that I was on. It was like even before news radio when she was going nutty, just like screaming at people.

Like, she was infinite. There's one thing where they, I believe they canceled the show. This was the, the infamous statement that she said in front of like a table read. If you fuck your wife, the way you write comedy, no wonder why you're divorced. She apparently said that like at a table read in front of network executives and all these people and threw something at him. That's one of the great getting shows canceled screaming rants. I've heard two good ones. Chris Titus is a good one, and then this one.

But Chris Titus is a nice guy, so I won't say his over there. You're going to have to ask him about that. But, man, you've got to look at, like, I think that if you look at how being an American celebrity carries with it this bizarre psychological danger, because a pretty large percentage of our celebrities go fucking insane. Well, when you're working on something bad, you're miserable. And when you're a good comic, like Brett Butler, as crazy as that bitch was, was a good comic. She was a legit stand-up comic. And if you're doing some show that you know is just not good,

you know, like she was a Bill Hicks fan. You know, she was in the Bill Hicks documentary about him talking about how great he was. You know, it's like she's, you know, she was stuck. She was stuck making a fuckload of money on something that's absolutely terrible. And that's some soul-stealing shit. Right.

Like Tim Allen. Think about Tim Allen, okay, was a legit stand-up comic at one point in time and literally quit it all for that show. Did his show, did his tool time show,

whatever the fuck it was called. Brian, we got you one right here. No, I was going to turn this off. Why are you going to do that? You can hear it,

you know. Who gives a shit? Folks, you hear that thing? It's called a refrigerator. Don't go crazy. Okay? The problem is, we did that before and and then we never plug it back in. Then all my food goes bad, and my pot soda gets warm.

That's what I put in front of you, son, if you're feeling really fucking frisky. Where? I didn't know that. I thought this was ginger grass. No, no, no. No, no, no. I was ignoring that for a second. Let's go deep juice.

Can we do the interview? Yes. Let's hear some Charlie Sheen I don't blame Charlie Sheen the show. He's on sucks. There's a reason why he's doing drugs Okay, that's what I have to say. I said this about Brett Butler back in 94 Here we go tired of pretending like I'm not special tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not pitching a total freaking rock star from Mars. And people can't figure me out. They can't process me.

I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain. The troubled actor also says he's got to raise from $2 million to $3 million an episode. You want to raise? Well, yeah. Look what they put me through. When it comes to any apologies from Sheen, he says CBS execs shouldn't hold their breath. Do you owe CBS an apology? No. They owe me a big one. Publicly. WHEN IT COMES TO ANY APOLOGIES FROM SHEEN, HE SAYS CBS EXECS SHOULDN'T HOLD THEIR BREATH. DO YOU OWE CBS AN APOLOGY? NO.

THEY OWN ME A BIG ONE, PUBLICLY, WHILE LICKING MY FEET. BUT IN HIS INTERVIEW WITH GOOD MORNING AMERICA, CHARLIE SAID HE'S CLEAN, SORT OF. YEAH, I AM ON A DRUG. IT'S CALLED CHARLIE SHEEN. IT'S NOT AVAILABLE, BECAUSE IF

YOU TRY IT ONCE, YOU WILL DIE. YOUR FACE WILL MELT OFF AND YOUR CHILD WILL WEEP OVER YOUR EXPLODED BODY. NOT SO SURE THAT'S WORKING FOR YOU, CHARLIE. And it's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your child will weep over your exploded body. Not so sure that's working for you, Charlie. He's the most amazing guy ever. Wait a minute. Pause. Back that up to the beginning of the interview.

And let's go over this again, shall we? As Duncan Trussell, professional stand-up comedian, and I break down the brilliance that is the man, Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen, let's hear it. Tired of pretending that I'm not special. Let's hear that again. Guest to morning TV, starting with the Today Show. And he didn't pull any punches. Tired of pretending like I'm not special.

Tired of pretending like I'm not bitching a total freaking rock star from Mars. Pause, please, pause. Tired of pretending I'm not special. Did he say bitching? Bitching a total rock star from Mars. I need to listen to that Tired of pretending I'm not special. Did he say bitchin'? Bitchin', a total rock star from Mars. I need to listen to that a bunch of times and get it down. Tired of pretending I'm not special. Okay, let's, for a second

though, and by the way, I kind of feel vile about getting, the way everyone gets sucked into this shit, because it's just gross when the locusts swarm. Shut the fuck up. Listen, this is awesomeness. 100% pure, unadulterated. There's no need to make excuses.

This is one of the greatest occurrences in modern pop culture. You've got a fucking guy who makes $2 million a year, or a week rather, and he's imploding in front of everybody with coke and whores and braggadocious behavior. Let's just say, even though he seems to think he's not on any drugs, what drug is it? Is that cocaine in your hair? That's definitely cocaine he seems to think he's not on any drugs, what drug is that? Cocaine? That's definitely cocaine. Fuck.

Whatever. Just look at his face and see he's on cocaine. He's starting to look like a skeleton. He looks completely wired. I'll give that. He looks like Lohan. He definitely looks wired. Or meth or something.

It could be meth. I think that's just coke. But I think meth. Piles of coke. Yeah. You think? Yeah. Well, if he tested negative for Radar Online, I don't think you need more than three days clean.

I think three days and you'll test negative, especially if you take cleansers and drink water. So that doesn't mean shit. When did he test? Monday? Especially when you're Charlie Sheen. You just go, hey, I'm going to give you $4 million. Make this test right. And they're like, okay.

No. Radar Online would not do that. That's dumb. He could be manic depressive like he could be mad like that could that sounds like someone in a have it's someone having either a drug induced manic episode or just a manic episode because their brains fucked up from all the blow and it's they're starting to well what's amazing about it is there's two things one i wish he was a guy who was doing this that wasn't obviously insane you. It would be so cool if he was just really having fun. But the way he's doing it, that he doesn't realize how that's going to come off.

He's like, I'm tired of pretending I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending I'm not delivering the freaking goods. I'm a rock star from Mars. Like, whoa, what are you talking about? A bitchin' rock star from Mars. Because you're good at pretending? Like, what the fuck are you saying? You should be weirded out by the fact that you have any success.

Anybody that's a performer that's not weirded out by the fact that, how the fuck did I get to do this for a living? You know, you think you're special? No one who does stand-up or acting or music is truly special. They're just people that may accomplish special things. And the reason why they're doing it is because they're on a path and they get on it and then they get better and then they tune into it and they figure it out. And that might be special, like achieving that level of proficiency

with music or with comedy or with acting. That is kind of special. But the person that's doing it, it's just because he kept going. You're not special. The most talented person ever is not really a special person. The acts that they may achieve for whatever reason, whether it's because they're missing some sort of a social thing. Some people don't get nervous around other people. They can open themselves up because of whatever weirdness that happened to them in their childhood.

They can open themselves up because of whatever weirdness that happened to them in their childhood. Or some people just have this unbelievably exorbitant need for attention that expresses itself in this really powerful, dramatic performance style. Right. You know, that they can just really do something that really rocks you and moves you because they need you to love them that much. Yeah. But at the end of the day, even the most amazing one ever, it's just a fucking person. And anybody like Charlie that really starts thinking they are special. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how much of them is just bullshit and how much of it is just him being on fucking Xanax or whatever the hell he's on.

But when you start thinking that you actually are special. Do you think he's just fucking around also? Could be. I mean, think about it. He doesn't look like you, though. A lot of people don't care about the fucking media and what the news things. And he's probably just sitting there getting high laughing about this whole thing probably don't you think i don't think he's taking any of this shit seriously i mean the drugs charlie

sheen do you really think he's thinking that i think he's sick you're kidding me you don't think there's something wrong with him i think he's these interviews yeah no he seems a little uh no but these interviews are erratic bro these These are not interviews by a man who has calculated and gone out there and decided, you know, I'm going to act like a loon for a goof. That's not what you've got going on here. Hey, Charlie Sheen's not that good an actor, okay? There's no way. This is, you've got an issue now. There's an issue with him.

Like, back that up a little bit and let's listen to that one more time. Like back that up a little bit and let's listen to that one more time Tired of pretending like I'm not bitching a total frickin rock star from Mars and people can't figure me out They can't process me. I don't expect them to you can't process me with a normal brain the troubled actor I'll keep it going keep it going and he wants a raise from 2 million to 3 million an episode You want to you want to raise? Well, yeah, look what they put me through when it comes to any apologies from Sheen THEIR FACE. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.

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THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.

THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.

THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.

THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. THEIR FACE IS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT Yeah, I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Your children will weep? He's not fucking around. I think he's just having fun.

I'm Charlie Sheen. I like hookers and porn. I'm just going to make a mockery of this whole entire fucking bullshit well there's a little bit of that for sure but there's also the words he's saying those are the words of an insane man but somebody needs

to animate a guy smoking some Charlie Sheen and his body blowing up and his kids coming up

and leaping over the corpse because that's hilarious we love when someone's off the deep end like this. We love it. Society, we love it. Lohan.

Yeah. This is way better than Lohan. This is Lohan if she had a brain and she could talk. Lohan's just slurring and stumbling around. That's pretty good. She did good effort. This is a thousand times better. This is an archetype.

And this archetype shows up in religion. It shows up in culture. Not to take it too deep. archetype and this archetype shows up in religion it shows up in culture not to take it too deep but it's the idea of uh god coming to earth and his followers eating him dionysus jesus it happens again and again this is a recurring thing and that's what we do we get people really famous we turn them into like we worship them we call them idols and then we fucking kill them i got news for you bro nobody worships charlie sheen i bet they do that's hilarious there are a few there's a few like no you get that confused

two and a half men star fans out there he's flooded every day with messages from weird mediocre people that's why he's tired pretending he's not special yeah that's what it gets to your freaking rock stars from mars especially when you're generating that much fucking money it's got to gets to your head. Like a rock star from Mars. Especially when you're generating that much fucking money. It's got to get to your head. He probably was sick of that show. He's just sabotaging himself to get off that fucking show. I don't know about that, dude. That's what I was wondering.

This is going to carry on much further than that. There's obviously some sort of a bad relationship between him and the guy who's the executive producer of the show. What's that guy's name? I don't know. I can't remember. That's really normal, who's the executive producer of the show. But that's really normal. I don't know. I can't remember. Yeah, that's really normal, though. That shit happens all the time. I've seen it happen.

There's always a battle of egos between the talent. No way. Really? I unplugged that fucking thing. I swear to God I did. Sure you did. Don't answer it. I have to.

I'm in your house. I'm calling you from your house. Joe pretty much cock-blocked us for that Charlie Sheen interview, though. You could still get him. So, Duggan, how's your podcast doing? Doing good? Yeah, it's doing good. The Lavender Hour on

iTunes. It's one of my... I don't listen to that many podcasts, but I listen to yours because I fucking love anything you do, obviously. But you and Natasha work so well together. We just had my friend Emil on the show, and he told me one of the most horrifying stories

I've ever heard in my life. He almost got raped while he was on acid. He tells this story on the podcast, but it's just the most... And this is the Lavender Hour. Which episode is it? This one, I haven't put it up yet. I'm going to up it just happened it's just my friend it was my friend who's this musician in a band called om which is an awesome fucking band and the holy sons but basically he just tells the story about getting in the back of his friend's car while he's on acid he kind of

knew this guy didn't know him that well and his friend's car the sides of it had been greased. Oh, yeah. So if you were struggling in the back. Yeah, yeah. And so he's just starting to trip. And in his mind, he's like, okay, I'm probably being paranoid. This guy didn't intentionally grease this fucking car. And the guy pulls up into this house and he's like, I just gotta do a quick drug deal. And he goes

into the house and Emil goes into the house with him. I guess he didn't want to sit in the car. He's stuck in the car. He goes in the fucking house. This guy takes him into a back room where there's a dude in a full Michael Jackson costume and on the wall is

a picture of Janet Jackson naked with candles around it like a shrine. What? Yeah, and his friend. You sure this wasn't all part of the Asha trip and he was really just sitting on the couch watching Two and a Half Men? This happened. And then one of the guys started dancing next to him, but there's no music playing, and he's doing air dancing, and then both the guys leave for a second and come back, and they're standing right

next to him, air dancing. And then the guy pressed play on a CD player and started playing Loser by Beck. And looking on the wall, there's all these fucking posters on the wall of dudes having three-ways. And he's like, oh, look, three-way, three-way, three-way. My friend's tripping out. They fucking play Loser by Beck and start dancing next to him because they're just trying to fuck him. And he said he ran from the house screaming.

He ran from the house screaming. And he said the guy leaned out the window and yelled to him, don't tell anybody. That doesn't sound like he was almost raped. It sounds like he was almost fucked. There's a difference there, right? Yeah, that's a good point There's a distinction He got mind raped That shit never happens to me anymore

Thank God What, has it ever come close? What do you mean ever anymore? No, I'm just kidding Can you imagine just walking into that room And seeing somebody dressed up as Michael Jackson? You got to be careful when you do acid, man. Yeah.

You leave yourself at the mercy of the universe. Yes, you do. And if you're going to go do acid and then climb in someone's car that you don't know that good, then go to his house. Yeah. You're up, you know. Or go to the UFC. Or do anything. Do anything where you're going to be out there with a bunch of people.

I want to know what Charlie's doing. Right now? I want to know what he's doing. No, no, no. I want to know what Charlie's doing. Right now? I want to know what he's doing. No, no, no. I want to know what he's doing drug-wise. You know, and all these girls are saying cocaine. I believe it. I'm sure it's cocaine. I'm sure it's just 100% cocaine.

It's obviously an amphetamine. It's like maybe Adderall. Maybe he's taking Adderall. Yeah, on top of it. Maybe he's on some kind of pharmaceutical speed. A lot of people are on Adderall. It's the best. But people are on it.

Fitzsimmons is on it every day. Oh, really? Takes it every day. Yeah. I learned how to code an action script on Adderall. It's the best. But people are on it. Fitzsimmons is on it every day. Oh, really? Takes it every day. Yeah. I learned how to code an action script on Adderall. Is that good, though? Action script? Sucks.

No, Adderall's a great trick. It's like scientists studied cocaine, and they came up with a wonderful version of it. It's great. I took half of one recently, my first time I ever did it. I took half of one. It's great. I took half of one recently, my first time I ever did it. I took half of one. It was great. I took the second half. I felt like I was too much cocaine.

You start doing the mouth thing and you have the drips and stuff. It felt like all that. It was horrible. Yeah, it's a pretty intense drug. I know people are taking it. I guess it gets prescribed for attention deficit disorder. Yeah. And it does.

It focuses you. What's the name of that drug that makes you smarter? What's that called? Nootropics? Is that what that is? Nootropics. Nootropics. Nootropics.

Nootropics. Yeah, I love that, man. I love the idea that they're going to come out with a pill that you're going to be able to take and get super smart. Well, what they are, they do have right now, they have supplements that aid the function of the brain, that supposedly help you retain memories and help get blood flow to the brain. I don't know.

There's studies that have been done on certain substances that they've showed some sort of a cognitive advantage in using them. Chris Marcus, the guy from The Fleshlight, him and I are putting together a little pack. We're going to try it out. And what we're doing is putting together a pack of all the best shit, all the stuff that's supposed to be really good for your brain, and put it in a pack so that you don't have to go buy 20 fucking bottles of things

and sort it all out yourself. That's cool. Yeah, and so for the lazy, want-to-be-smart people, you can just buy these. That's awesome. But what's he going to do if now no one wants to buy a flashlight because they're too smart? He quit the flashlight. Oh, he did?

He quit, yeah. He left. It's his birthday today, by the way. Happy birthday, man. Oh, yeah, Monday. Happy birthday, bitch. Happy birthday, bitch. So we're going to come up with some.

So we'll find out. We're going to try them and test them out and see what the, you know. It's one of those weird things, though. It's like, how do you know? You know, like, I take vitamins. And the only way I know that vitamins help me is when I don't take them. If I don't take, I've done that before. I got to a couple of weeks off vitamins and I felt

like flat and everything. I just didn't feel as vibrant. And then I started taking the vitamins again. And then within a week I was like, Whoa, I feel like good again. Like this has got to be the vitamins. It must be. Definitely. It makes sense. I mean, you're supposed to be eating vegetables all fucking day. You know, you're not supposed to be eating cheeseburgers and soda and whatever the fuck you're eating. Red Bull. Yeah. I mean, the amount of vitamins that you're supposed to get as opposed to what you do get. And when you do give yourself what you need, like, man, it's just everything feels clean.

Like, it's working smooth. Yeah. So, I don't know. We're going to try this out. And if it works, you know, if it becomes something that's interesting, we'll start selling it. Is that something you have to get? Does he have to have some kind of license to do this? Good question.

Or is it the supplement thing? You could pretty much do whatever you want to do. Well, the thing about it being like they're not regulated like the Food and Drug Administration. It's not FDA regulated. That's one of the problems with supplements. They can say they do a lot of things that they don't really do. It's hard FDA regulated. That's one of the problems with supplements. They can say they do a lot of things that they don't really do. It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell what the fuck is weird or what's fake.

And then mixing shit. Yeah, and then at one point in time, they were going to call them nutraceuticals, and they were going to have them prescribed. It was a big push that the pharmaceutical companies did, I think it was in the 90s, to try to take over the vitamin business. When they saw that all these people were spending all this money on homeopathic, you know, cures and vitamins and stuff like that and health things, they said, well, hey, you know, we'll just fucking lock that shit down, too. Like Monsanto is going to fucking, you know, put a patent on vitamin C. And the only way you get vitamin C is from Monsanto, you know.

I mean, that's not outside the realm of possibility with corporate America. What they've done with food in this country, for folks that don't know, you've got to watch some of the documentaries that are available on Monsanto and see what they've done. What they've basically done is they've genetically modified food so that it doesn't have the same effect when you spray pesticides on it. It doesn't get killed by the same bugs. They have a bunch of different things that they've done to various plants. But once they have this genetically modified seed, you owe them money. This is how it works. You can't just grow plants and then take

the seeds from those plants and grow new plants. You're not allowed to do that. It's illegal. You have to buy a new set of seeds from them. And you own those seeds just for that season. You buy them to use them. It's like you lease them. And then this is where you owe the money because their seeds go in the air, you know, the cross-pollination. They fucking fly off and land in some other guy's field. And he starts growing Monsanto genetically modified food.

And then they come in and they go, hey, you got our fucking corn growing, bitch. You owe us money. And they just take your money. I mean, it becomes like a crazy legal battle with these poor fucking farmers. Right. You know, and with, you know, you could say that some of them might have stole the seeds. That's possible. But with a lot of them, it's been proven that it's just cross pollination. And so then it becomes a real trip because these people might be organic farmers, too. They don't want this mutant freak fucking genetically modified food growing on their soil. Monsanto is trying to they're trying to not just do that with food, but they're trying to do that with animal food. They're trying to do that with pigs like they're they're they're patenting pig parts.

Right. They're genetically modifying pigs and then they're going to patent those pig parts. pigs and then they're going to patent those pig parts. But the problem is like there's all this debate about them doing that because they're saying you're, you're patenting things that have already existed for like a million years. Like that's absolutely ridiculous. You can't do that. You can't just patent fucking parts of animals and shit. Like you're going to make a, can you make an animal that you own?

Like you own the patent to it. And then like, what if you want to commit genocide on the animal that you own? Are you allowed to just do that? Just shut them all off? You created it. It's yours. It's artificial. Supposedly.

Monsanto sounds like the same company that made RoboCop. Like they're going to unleash some terrible thing on the world. Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. They filed an invention. They filed a patent for the new thing on the world. Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. They filed an invention. They filed a patent for the new invention, the pig. This is an article on Greenpeace. It's fucking crazy, man. It's very weird, man.

Wait, they called their invention the pig? No, it's a joke. I mean, that's the joke title of this. But they're patent plans. Nothing tastes better than Monsanto pig. They're out to own the world's food supply. Nothing tastes better than Monsanto pig. They're out to own the world's food supply, man. It's just amazing that it's gotten to this point where they've let anybody put any sort of a patent on life. And I understand that once you start to alter that life, then it becomes a real question.

Like, well, you know, I mean, you're really, I mean, in a sense, you're sort of playing God. You're genetically modifying the structure of a plant to your liking. And then you own a patent on that piece of life. I mean, we're allowing people to patent life. And if it sounds ridiculous with a pig, well, guess what? It's just as ridiculous with a fucking head of lettuce. All right? It's all ridiculous but a patent is you know the thing about it is is the most disturbing thing is the idea of some corporation just for

profit meddling around with the dna of things that haven't been meddled with for a very long time that's bizarre that's much more bizarre than the patent because the patent's just an imaginary thing anyway yeah well what's what's really scary about it is the idea that they can stop other people from, from growing it. They can stop other people from having it. I'm, I'm, I'm too naive. I must be naive right now because I, this shit going on in Egypt and Libya, it makes me think that the corporate bullshit like that is just such a, uh, is a pipe dream that they will invoke things like that. And there'll be a period of time where the belt gets too tight, but I just don't think it works.

Yeah, I don't know what's going on in Egypt and what's going on in Libya and what's going on in Iran, but I don't think anything really happens without the CIA being involved. Yeah, I agree with that. I don't think these things just start happening. I think someone, some

fucking dude who, you know, works for America is over there and he's helping organize shit and get people. And not to take anything away from the heroic effort that these people have done, you know, especially in Egypt. I mean, Mubarak is gone, you know, and in Libya right now, they're getting gunned down the street. There's videos. I've seen a bunch of them online of people getting hit by snipers. It's fucking dark shit, man. They're just blowing dudes heads off in the middle of the streets. Yeah.

Not to take anything away from that. I mean, these people really are doing something courageous. But for sure, there's some influence there. For sure. Our government's involved in everything. I think our government does not want what's happening in the Middle East to be happening. Really? If there are people out there, if there's some conspiracy, no.

And if there are people out there, if there's some conspiracy, no, because you've got fucking right after it, right after everything went down in Egypt, they were showing pictures of Mubarak on mainstream presses, though. You're kind of a good guy. I mean, it's so cool to watch mainstream news because it's like they have to spend a few days deciding what tone they're going to take with it. And when the Egyptian revolution started, the United States government didn't come out and do much at all because they were waiting to see if they would be able to push them down, to hold them down, you know, and then they kind of came out in favor of the people, but they had to. But there's pictures of Obama meeting with him, many presidents meeting with him. He was, I think he was already ours. I don't think we wanted to get rid of him. I think we liked him right where I don't think we wanted to get rid of him. I think we liked him right where he was at. But how do you know, though?

It's all speculation. He might have run his course because at one point in time we wanted Hussein in there. Hussein was our boy. Donald Rumsfeld shaking his hand is a famous photo. He was our guy over there when they were at war with Iran. Our guy. Listen to me. There's no way to like.

Our team. I wouldn't be surprised if this is some. I ran. I mean, unless I mean, our guy, listen to me, there's there's no way to like our team. I wouldn't be surprised if this is some I mean, I'm such a fucking new age hippie sometimes, like, you know, with 2012 coming up and the acceleration of technology, what I like to think of this as is the beginning of people having the ability to organize themselves in a way that's never been possible in human history, mixing in with the ability to get information that you could never get. So that motivates people to revolt against liars. And that's what the Internet's doing, just showing who the fucking liars are out there. Yeah, I think you're right about that.

I definitely think it's that as well. I definitely think that, you know, the social media and, you know, using Facebook and Twitter to get messages out to where we're going to protest and where we're going to meet. I mean, that's one of the first things they did in Egypt. And one of the first things they did in Libya is cut off their supply to the Internet. They cut off their connection to the world. But, you know, I mean, don't think that the CIA isn't fucking super savvy about that kind of shit, too. You know what I mean? Because, of course, they are.

And I'm not saying that this isn't, you know, it's not possible that it's just a plain old-fashioned revolt i just think that the united states is so clever about you know the foreign policy and how they interfere with other countries that they're they don't ever allow anything to really slip by you know when this guy got arrested in pakistan for shooting down some people who tried to rob them and then turned out the guy was a cia operative that was embedded into the system over there. You know, when you find out stuff like that, it's like, wow, how many of these guys are there? You know, how many, you know, I have a buddy and I've talked about it before. He doesn't like talking about it, but his dad was in the CIA. He didn't find out until he was fucking 30 years old. He didn't know. He thought

his dad was a banker. Wow. That's cool, man. Yeah, it's a trip. It's interesting. It's very interesting. Who knows? Well, I think what happens is something like this goes down. They had statistics. They probably had think tanks who were like, there's a possibility that this is going to happen in the Middle East. And when it happens, here's our plan.

We know this guy out there, this guy out there, this guy out there. Then let's move in to try to make the situation to our plan. We know this guy out there, this guy out there, this guy out there. Then let's move in to try to to make the situation to our advantage. But I I'm I'm skeptical for no reason other than it just seems like this doesn't work with my understanding of the way Empire likes to run. It's my opinion that this is the people doing this more than it is a CIA instigated thing. And I think even if it was a CIA instigated thing, it might have turned into something they didn't expect. Because really, the one thing we don't want over there is for, what's it called, a hegemony? We don't want the fucking, it to become a theocracy. Right.

You know what I mean? We don't want that. That's another thing that I was concerned about. I'm sorry, but this Muslim Brotherhood thing that we keep hearing about lately. Yeah, who are they? What the fuck is this? How is this just coming up now? How did they just appear in the comic book? This is like an episode of Lost where

there's the last season and they have to introduce some new character and this new magic guy. That's one of the reasons why I fucking gave up up on lost the last season when they started bringing people back from the dead and jack started walking through his lines yeah that fuck i'm not i'll never watch anything with that guy until you see the end and figure out oh it all makes sense no it doesn't because i don't they don't get me you don't get me you ruined me jack you fuck i'm fucking goofball walking through all your scenes he just was mad that he

wasn't like a super cool guy anymore like he was in the beginning of the show the beginning of the show jack was the bomb diggity he had a great character he's an amazing guy he was out there doing he was a fucking hero yeah and then somewhere along the line i bet that actor pissed people off by being a cunt yeah and they slowly started making him a cunt it is it is you know became a junkie and a failure and a zero. His character went into the shitter hard in a way that you would never have expected from the first season. What the hell did that guy do behind the scenes? He's probably having an affair with one of the writers.

Broke up with her or something. I think they get to know your real personality after a while. And they just start incorporating your douchiness into the script. You know? Because I know they do that on shows all the time. They do that on shows all the time. And people complain. Apparently, that girl, what's her name?

Catherine Hegel that's in all those romantic movies that make you want to fucking hurl. Yeah. The movie with Josh Duhamel when they have a kid together. They're not really the real parents and they fell in love. Well, she was on that show. What the fuck is that stupid show with Dr. McDreamy? Whatever the fucking, what is it? Grey's Anatomy.

Grey's Anatomy, yeah. And apparently they just fucking, they just started giving her like really shitty parts and not writing her in too much because she started getting an attitude. Right. That happens. It's Charlie Sheen's situation, man. Look what they've done with him. They cut off the last four seasons, the last four episodes of the season. They stopped filming.

That's going to cost Charlie $8 million. Right. And it's going to cost them a fuckload of money, too, because they've already sold the advertising for those. They've already committed to selling them for syndication. It's a syndicated show. That's a big loss for them. They're already like, you know, committed to selling them for syndication. It's a syndicated show. You know, that's a, that's a big loss for them. They're hoping that Charlie pulls it together. And then by the time it goes around next year, they can add for it to next year and then, you know, and make up for what they owe. So this is basically like for the corporations, this is the same thing as when like a Roman

emperor had a favorite gladiator and the people love the gladiator, but he got a big head and started going a little crazy. Yeah, that's what this is. Their little puppet is kind of like misfiring a little bit. Well, you can't have a successful show without someone being a star. They become a star, whether they were a star at first, like Charlie was already, or whether they become one like Brett Butler or, you know, Chris Titus or anybody else. When you when you get on a show, you know, that's what happens. You get a successful show and all of a sudden there's one person. I mean, you really do fucking need that one person more than everyone else.

I mean, that's a mindfuck. That's a mindfuck, especially for actors because for a giant chunk of their life, not necessarily with Charlie Sheen, he was pretty much instantly successful. But for most actors, it's a long series of failures and disappointments and rejections. And then finally you make it with something and you have a fucking chip on your shoulder for all those people that caused you pain. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with famous dudes that we'll talk about still to this day about horrible fucking casting sessions that they had. Horrible, you know, auditions where it went wrong and, you know, all the scuffling around and all the humiliating auditions that they had to go on. You know, it's like fucking, you know, people, they, they get in there and they, they, you

know, they become famous and they just want to get back at all those people that hurt them all that time. It's like they needed all that absorb, exorbitant amount of attention. They needed to be fucking special. And everyone was saying, no, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're normal. No, you're not good No, you're not. No, you're normal.

No, you're not good enough. No, fuck you. And then finally you become famous. You're like, yes, I am. It's like this bounce back. The other direction is so enormous because of how much it's pushing so disappointing because it's like, oh, you think you're the thing that's making this. You think you're you really think you're responsible. And that's the most.

It's like a radio thinking that it's awesome for playing a song or a volcano thinking it's awesome for the lava that comes spraying out of it it's like yeah you're kind of like you're you're a conduit you're a conduit you're not the fucking thing man whenever you see that sounds ridiculous to people that don't create things though if you talk to a person who's not creative doesn't write a lot or to perform a lot they really don't have any idea what you're talking about. You know, and most people out there are not, you know, they don't make a living being creative. A lot of people never achieve that Zen state where whatever you've gotten good at it, whether it's art or music or, you know, even dance, they say that.

And martial arts, they say that. Anything you get really good at, you get into this sort of zone where it's no longer you. It's like you've practiced it enough to the point where you can become subconscious. And then once you do it, it's like you're just tuning in. You're tuning in to whatever the fuck it is out there that makes things awesome. Yeah. And people don't understand that. They don't do it.

It sounds like such an ethereal, ridiculous notion. But it's so widely accepted. You know, the concept of the muse you know it's so widely accepted that you're getting these ideas from somewhere else that's why i mean when you say you know i'm trying to pretend i'm not special i'm trying to pretend i'm not a freaking rock star from mars you know when he when he says shit like that like that is the exact opposite of the true creative mindset. Like you cannot tune in to the greatness of the universe if you really believe that. Unless it's performance art. And then it's fucking brilliant.

Right. If he's really doing his own Coen Brothers movie. Sure. Well, yeah. Then, yeah. I always, I don't know how many times I've watched an asshole on TV and in the back of my head thought, if this was performance art, this would be the greatest artist of all time. You know, performance art

turns everything into... Yeah, but aren't you guys more skeptical when you see people like Brody Stevens, where the normal person will see Brody Stevens and go, well, that person is just fucking crazy and angry mad, but then you talk to him backstage and you're like, oh, I get it. He is being almost like a character of himself.

Brody's so obviously a character, dude. It's so obvious he's on stage. Most people that see Brody think that that's him. Yeah, I think there's a big difference between Brody Stevens and Charlie Sheen. There's a huge difference between how they're doing it. Yeah, one of them is fucking funny. Brody's telling jokes, man.

And I mean Brody. Yeah, Brody's going, I was over there in Iraq, okay? I was there. I was in Desert Storm. Yeah, I was an Iraqi soldier, but that's neither here or there. It's really obvious he's joking. It's really obvious.

He's hilarious. What's his name? The redneck comic that's not, you know, that's the whole character, the big guy that's on the tour with- Get Her Done? Yeah, Get Her Done guy. That guy is a complete character, but most people think that's exactly him. I thought it was him. Right, but that's just a good character, dude.

There's a difference between that and an angry person, an angry, crazy person. He's not acting crazy. He's just being a character. Yeah, he's funny, man. Brody is someone where no matter what's happening, if you're around him, something funny is happening. He has a constant gravity of absurd, hilarious things happening,

either things that he's making happen or just stuff that happens. Yeah, I don't just think of him as being this, you know, like it's not like watching an asshole, you know, and saying, you know, is this guy faking it? It's like it's obvious he's faking it. It's fun. You know, it's fun to watch. When you watch something like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and you see fucking Kelsey Grammer's ex-wife, holy shit.

What a reprehensible human being. What a lizard person. What a just a creepy, manipulative, nasty little dried up hooker. Holy shit, She scares me. Yeah. Like almost like a demon, like almost like some low level demon, like,

like in the, in the upper, upper echelons of hell, just like some nasty death worm. And she goes on Howard Stern and starts talking shit about Kelsey Grammer. You know, when meanwhile you were married to him for how long? You have children with him? And your children are going to hear you talking shit about him?

You're going to go on the Stern Show just so you can get some press for your fucking shitty Beverly Hills housewife thing? And you're going to sacrifice all these years of this relationship, the intimacy that you guys shared? You're just going to blurt that out? You're a piece of shit. You're not a 20-year-old girl that's making a mistake. You're some 40-year-old hooker that's cashing in her chips, you know, and talking about how she wants more. You know, I want, I want all this money. I want this. He left me, he left me like, what did they have to deal with while he was with you? Fucking monster. That's a price you pay,

man. For all those people, there was, um, I did us magazine, you know, I used to do those, uh, me and Chris McGuire, we used to do these things where you look at the way people are dressed and you write things about it you know you write like little quotes about it and i'll never forget this one guy it was uh kelsey grammar standing there with camille when she was in her prime you know it's when she was a playboy playmate she was way too hot for him and the the quote underneath it said it's a story as old as time that's all the guy said like whoever the writer underneath it said, it's a story as old as time. That's all the guy said, like whoever the writer was that said that. And I was like, bingo, you just nailed it. You don't even, you don't even have to pretend. Here's this ugly, goofy looking

fuck, you know, who just happens to be rich and famous. And he's with this vapid super hottie, you know, ba-bang, there it is. Ta-da. And he's so happy with himself. And he will go and do these interviews and talk about how much he loves her and how amazing it is and she completes him. Then he leaves her for a flight attendant. I mean, it's fucking great stuff. If she was doing performance art, if she was faking it, you know, it would be absolutely brilliant. Right.

But she's not. There's no way she's that good an actress. She would have been fucking Oscar-winning by now. She wouldn't be some 40-year-old lady, you know, with a bunch of 20-year-old boyfriends and she flaunts on the show. You know, before she was even divorced on the show, that's the thing. I can't believe I'm talking about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but I get sucked in. Before she was even divorced with them, she was hanging out with all these young guys that were her friends. And that drives me fucking bananas.

I have friends that have girlfriends that have guy friends and they'll go and pal around with these guy friends And I'm like yo, dude You know you need to fucking nip this shit right in the butt your girlfriend is hot and she's hanging around with a bunch Of guys that she's been pals with since she moved here to Hollywood two years ago, whatever She wants to they want to fuck her for sure. You know, she might want to be their friend She might think there's somehow another keep this platonic But any of those weird creepy situations where you got a girl with a bunch of guy friends, they all want to fuck her.

Yeah. All of them. Have you ever had a girl that was hot that you were friends with that you weren't somehow or another trying to think, how am I going to get to fuck her? How am I going to get to move this into us having sex? My mother. I never once thought that about her. Duncan.

Sorry. It's a bad joke. Sorry. Duncan just went straight red band. Why not? Let's break this up real quick while we're here because I'm glad you're here because I wanted to talk to you about this. There's a Cornell study that was just put online. A lot of people are debating what exactly this means. But what they're saying is that there's an error in the orbit of the moon. There's an

eccentricity in the orbit of the moon that they think will be, would be, what are you doing over there, fella? Toothpicks. Toothpicks? Okay. There's an error in the orbit of the moon that they believe is going to, it's going to be,

they believe you can listen to me stubborn fucking shit brain from 12 hours in a fucking airplane I'm tired of pretending I'm not delivering

the freaking goods at every turn what they're saying is there's something wrong with the orbit of the moon that can be attributed to a large extra solar system planet

like they're thinking there's something out there that's much much bigger than Jupiter about four times the size of Jupiter and this is this is just one of several things that I've been following over the last couple of months where there's, there's a bunch of different studies that are talking about this planet X thing. But apparently it's, they're really close to saying that there is something

beyond Neptune beyond, you know, Pluto's not real anymore, but something out there, like way out there, that's four times the size of Jupiter. Some enormous fucking planet. How would we not have seen that? How have we missed it? I don't know. It's a big question. They don't know. It might be just so fucking far out there.

It might be really cold, so we can't see it. can't see it. You know, they're thinking that this thing is by calling it inside our solar system. I think what they're saying is that it's more, it's further away from Pluto than Pluto is from us, but yet it's still in some sort of an orbit and it's huge and it's way out there. So this is like, this is the planet X Nibiru thing everyone talks about. Yes. Yes. And what's the idea that it smashes into us every certain amount of time? Well, it depends on who you're asking. I mean, you know, if you, if you talk to the people that believe that, you know, earth was created this way and that, you know, that's actually

detailed according to Zechariah Sitchin in the Sumerian text, what they think is that, that somehow or another, this extrasolar planet or this, this planet is on an elliptical orbit rather. And, uh, it takes 3,600 years to come into line with, uh, with earth and it comes near us and fucks everything up. And then the Anunnaki jump off and they, they leap off their boat onto our boat and go, Hey, what's going on over here? And then they come check us out and then make us slaves for a little bit, make us mine for gold and erase our memories and fly back into space. I mean, I don't know what the fuck they exactly think. But, you know,

when you look at the really interesting shit about what they figured out was that they already knew back then, according to Zechariah Sitchin, that Earth had been hit by a large planet and that's what created the moon. We didn't know that until fairly recently. That's like

one of the most recent theories. There's one and earth two and earth one was hit by something like the size of fucking mars some enormous planet and it created also it created the asteroid belt that's another theory about that you know there's a there's a giant this is another thing i read i need to find out if this is true or not but that bode's law Law is a law that you look at the gravity of one planet and you can extrapolate where the next planet will be based on how dense the planet is and what the gravity of it is and what

the mass of it is. And it works on every planet in our solar system except for Mars and Jupiter. There should be a planet in between there. And that's where the asteroid belt is. So the idea is that something was there, collided. What's the reason why there's not a planet there did they have any no no no i mean look there's a bunch of theories about why the asteroid belt exists you know and one of them being that it's like some of the early the the fabric of the very solar system that it's

just like you know from the forming of the solar system this is like you know some just leftover shit that's there and then the other one is that it's, you know, a planet got fucking nailed and just destroyed and became this gigantic belt of rocks and shit. I believe that. That's fucking crazy. The idea that planets, we know this for a fact, that not only do planets slam into each other, but galaxies slam into each other. They hit each other. Sure. Fucking A, man. galaxies slam into each other right they hit each other sure fucking a man could you imagine look up

in the sky and every day this like star just keeps getting brighter you know and you're some asshole caveman you have no idea what the fuck is really going on and this thing is coming down and it's going to slam into the moon and you know and kill everybody there's a there's also there's a lot of theories about the solar system that are really odd and some of them are that some of the planets that exist now weren't there before like Saturn that Saturn is a fairly recent occurrence in the solar system I mean it sounds like total complete horseshit

star exploding or something well you know the idea on planets that you know like rogue planets I guess they get sucked in they come from somewhere else and they get sucked into our solar system and get sucked into our gravity or any other solar system's gravity. And there's an interesting thing about this Pluto, this planet that's outside of Pluto, is that they're saying the gravity of this thing. One of the reasons why they figured out that there's something huge out there, the gravity of this thing is hurling comets in our direction.

Weird. It's fucking weird man you never know like the thing that freaks me out is the uh what are they called pulsars or they say like a a star close enough could have like a super pulse that just flashes hypernova hypernova and we're just dead instantly like you're just driving home and suddenly the sky turns purple you drive home and you get a semi hits you you're just dead you know same shit it's kind of different no you both die both things getting killed by a semi and a supernova it's a little well for you you're if you're a selfish cunt doesn't think about the whole rest of the world yes it's the same thing, Brian. And this is just like the whole world.

It's just like me taking pills. The world will die right now. I'm going to listen to some fucking Pixies music. Yeah, you might not know the difference, or you might. Did you see that new LCD screen that Microsoft announced the other day? They showed what's in their labs right now, what they're working on, what the future of LCD screens on. It's called a steerable auto stereo 3D display. And what's cool is it's like it's pretty much like a surface and you can see the surface.

So it's imagine like an iPad on a table, but really big, kind of like their Microsoft. I've seen the surface. Yeah. But now you can grab things and it knows how the distance up and down is and you can do like 3D kind of just like the future when you see in the movies where they're like pulling up displays

and tapping things and stuff like that. And they have this really cool video. The name of the video is called Applied Sciences Group Smart Interactive Displays Microsoft. Great name. Yeah, I'll tweet it. And what's so cool about it?

It's just the future of surfing the internet. Pretty soon you're just going to be like this. You're going to take your hand, grab a browser, just sit there and play with air. Right. And you're going to be able to just move things around. It's kind of like Kinect for Microsoft. It's interactive surfaces. Everything's going to become an interactive surface no matter what it is.

You won't be able to sell shit unless it's got some access to the internet. Everything, like this table, everything. But what's cool is the depth of it. And they also, in the same video, they were showing the future of 3D where it's flashing these lights at your face so fast that you can't even tell so it will give you 3d images without you know the glasses of course but it shows how they do it he goes into it and explains and shows how it works and stuff it's pretty interesting video i'll post it right now wow it should be shit this um this

uh this planet thing is really fucking freaking me out, man. Well, yeah, I mean, a lot of the stuff, like, something that I think about all the time is, like, how much are we affected by the solar flares in, like, a sociological way? And it's such a crazy idea, but... Well, it's not if you consider that the moon's orbit affects people's behavior. Yeah. I mean, say there's no statistics to back up, you know, like that there's more activity during lunar events. Right?

Isn't that true? There's no statistics to back that up. Isn't that true? Because cops always swear by it. Yeah. No, I think there are. I've heard. I don't know.

I never really investigated them, but I always thought that was true. But if they can figure out that there's a planet deep, deep somewhere in our galaxy that they don't know about just from the effect that it has on the moon's gravitational field, then that means it must be having an effect on us too. Like if it's literally like some planet far away is so powerful that it's altering the moon a little bit, then that same minor pull would be affecting us too. Maybe the storms, maybe the weather. That's what I think. It certainly does.

Look at what sun does, just lack of vitamin D. We know it actually makes something in your body. It actually causes a vitamin to be produced by your body that makes you happy, that aids in your happiness and your health. When you don't get that all the time you know for long periods of time people get sick and depressed yeah they have it's called seasonal affective disorder yeah i mean that that's seasonal if you're in a place where you know that is a seasonal event like in boston in boston during the winter people do get depressed and that's why it's called you know it's vitamin d deficiency it's a lot of it but it's also just it's fucking depressed. And that's why. It's vitamin D deficiency.

It's a lot of it. But it's also just fucking dreary. Yeah, that's why they have those sunlight lamps that are supposed to help. Did you know it snowed in Burbank? Did it? What? Huge chunks of snow fell from the ground two days ago. Hail or snow?

Well, it wasn't hail because hail is usually hard. But it seemed like really wet snow. Wow. But it covered the whole roads and stuff like that. Were you driving? No, it was really early in the morning. And then it melted super quick. But, I mean, it snowed all day. It was ridiculous.

Wow. Well, a couple of websites here I'm looking at when it comes to the moon, and one of them is saying that the claims of a correlation between lunar phases to human behavior does not hold up under scientific scrutiny and they're saying so they're saying that there's there's no connection but then other people are saying that there is a connection it's interesting other people think that um you know it's just it's really difficult to to quantify you know how do you how do you know like if it really is a cycle how do you know i mean

whether or not it's actually caught because you should be able to see just by like hospital reports and prison and you know police records but shouldn't you be able to see i would imagine so i mean if it's a little bit of a difference like a one percent difference maybe you should be able to see yeah but maybe that's like that it's just small enough that it's the rate of inaccuracy you know what i mean like this test is only 99 accurate so it's just small enough that it's the rate of inaccuracy. You know what I mean? Like this test is only 99% accurate. So it's kind of like the, you know, the up down ratio. Yeah. This is, this one side is saying, despite the fact that no evidence of a significant

correlation between phases of the moon, the menstrual cycle and fertility exists. Some people not only maintain that there is, but have a scientific explanation for the non-existent correlation. It could be that just people want to believe it or it could be just like people would go nutty because back in the day it was like bright outside at night whereas before you had to watch where the fuck you walked and it was super dark out you know like a couple of times a year or a couple times a month rather you know for a few days you get a giant spotlight in the sky so you could walk around at night you know i mean and probably people did nuttier shit back then if the moon affects the tides a giant spotlight in the sky so you could walk around at night.

And probably people did nuttier shit back then. But if the moon affects the tides, is powerful enough to make tides come in and tides go out, I could totally see how it would affect whatever weird oceans in your brain, whatever quantum oceans floating around up there. I'm sure it affects that. Yeah, there's that question, right? It's like how much of you is the chemical reactions that's going in your body and how much of that can you manipulate? How much of that can you manipulate with, you know, exercise to maintain your hormone levels and for drinking water to maintain your hydration. So you're not, I mean, how much of you

is a bunch of these chemical reactions? I mean, what your personality, how much of you is a bunch of these chemical reactions. I mean, your personality, how much of that is dictated by what you're taking into your body? Right. It's got to be a percentage. That's a much bigger percentage than the fucking moon. Well, one thing's for certain. If you are in pain, you're going to probably be an asshole to the people around you in some way.

If you're fucking hurting, like when, you know, the old classic, when you walk into the dishwasher with your shit and somebody's nearby and says anything to you, like, are you okay? I'm fucking fine. I'm fine. Fuck. Because it hurts so bad. Right.

You know what I mean? It's like, so if you're in pain, if you feel like shit, in whatever way you feel like shit, for whatever reason, you're probably treating the people around you like shit. You know the opposite of it take ecstasy and sit next to the stupidest person on the planet you feel so good you're like i love you you really are amazing man you really are your ideas are yeah they're good okay but that's not good right well is it is it or is it i mean is it good to be in wonder of everyone, even retards? Or is it?

Yes. You think? I think it's whenever you get around that kind of energy coming from someone, or for whatever reason, when you run into someone really smart, you get the sense that they've managed to turn the judgment thing off on their computer, and they just like you just because you're having this bizarre experience on the planet with them and they kind of get it. That's one of the most healing things.

I used to at one point in my life when someone would be judging me and I would know they would be judging me, I would feel insecure. I would get upset. I would get like, wow, you know, like, man, maybe I'm a loser. Maybe, you know, but if I felt like I was being, you know, unfairly scrutinized, I would just think it was, I'm just, obviously I'm a loser. I'm losing at this, whatever this is right now. And this person doesn't like me. Now I have a completely different effect.

Now when someone, when I feel like someone's judging me or someone's being hypercritical or shitty to me, I'm like, why are you being a cunt? Right. Because I'm nice. You know, I try to be nice to everybody. Like, there's no reason why this has to be a douchey conversation. If it's douchey, you're the one who's starting the douchiness. Right. Cause I'm nice. You know, I try to be nice to everybody. Like there's no reason why this has to be a douchey conversation. It's if it's douchey, you're, you're the one who's starting the douchiness, you know? And I think for, for a lot of people, man, that's like one of the biggest things that they worry about in life is getting judged and criticized and shit on. It's the worst. Yeah. It's terrible when you're, and especially if you're a kid and you're around someone with

a powerful personality, he's like decided that you're bad. especially if you're a kid and you're around someone with a powerful personality who's like decided that you're bad. Decided you're a loser to keep you down. It draws that out of you. It's like we're talking about the gravity of the planet. It's like if someone's judging you, there's a gravity that they're exerting on you that can lead you into being the thing that they think you are. It's like, what's that bizarre idea where it's the observer's effect when you're looking at an atom or an electron or a photon? I think it is that weird thing where at the quantum level, things seem to go in the direction of the way you expect them to. They seem to be where you're looking.

It's affected by you viewing that. I don't know the name for that. I probably just butchered it. What I'm saying is I think that that can happen when you're around someone who has a firm belief that you suck. You can suddenly, it'll start drawing out of you the shitty behavior because it's like it will start blossoming out of you. And it fucking sucks in the same way. If you're around somebody who really sees you and sees how cool you are, then all of a sudden you're funnier. You know what I mean. Because they're drawing the positive out of you.

Well, when you first start dating a girl and she really likes you and she's really neat, how funny are you? The funniest. The funniest. You're hilarious. Yeah. Every time you go to the movie, you have the wittiest shit to say. Yeah.

You go out to dinner, you have the funniest thing to say. I mean, this is why so many guys I know that started out doing stand-up comedy, the reason why they got funny was to make girls laugh. You know, they started out like trying to be the most charming and fun guy in the beginning of the relationship when you first meet each other, you know, and that's, that's a, I think I'm way funnier when I'm broken. I'm miserable, you know, cause I'm just fucking like, I don't know when I'm happy. I'm just not, I'm being nice and funny to that person.

But like when I'm miserable, I fucking think of evil, deep, dark, crazy shit, it seems like to me. But when you're around someone, like, but imagine when you're around someone who you know thinks that you are a fucking asshole, like who you know thinks that you're a moron and you're around them. Well, I think Brian's just talking

about performing on stage. You're kind of going off in a different direction, but I know what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? I mean, that was Kinnison's whole thing. I mean, Kinnison became really funny because of pain. Right.

You know, because of, you know, I was married for two fucking years. Ah, ah, ah. Look at his face. You know? Does this look like a man that's happy?

All that shit was his, you know, that wasn't him happy. That wasn't, you know, beautiful life and everyone being cool to you. Well, see, here's the thing, man. This idea of happiness, we were just talking about it on my podcast and someone's like why are you obsessed with being happy being happy is not what life's about it's not about getting it's not about you

know oh i feel good today it's who said that it was um they made a really good point because happiness and sadness are two sides of the same thing that if you pay too much attention to them, you'll begin to get caught up in chaos and randomness. In the Bhagavad Gita, there's this great verse that says, A wise man is not disturbed by either happiness or sadness. Your mind does not shift according to your mood states. You're not plugging into the chemical, uh, the chemicals that are making you feel stressed out or making you feel happy. Um, you're above it. You're transcendent. You've transcended it. And that's what I think happiness would be, uh, as opposed to the other kind of happiness, which you were

saying, isn't that bad, which is the ecstasy happiness or the kind of happiness that comes when Charlie Sheen does a line of blow. That kind of happiness induces the most... Allegedly. Allegedly. I don't think he's really on cocaine at all. I don't think he's on any drugs except Charlie Sheen! Which is apparently the name of some new kind of meth. It's probably just a new meth that they invented. We'll call this sheen. But I think that...

So that's my idea of happiness, is not to get caught up in the mood states. Whether you're... Because you're going to feel like shit on this planet. You have to feel like... You will feel like shit. You know why? Because everyone you know is going to die.

And if they don't, it's because you died before them. And when someone dies, it sucks. And you're right. But that's just when someone dies. You know, I think a lot of people think that your everyday life has to be filled with shit and that you have to, that's part of being a human. And that happiness is, you're saying that happiness is somehow or another transcending above emotions. I don't think it is. I think my personal happiness has been fun. It's been laughter, having a good time, hanging out with friends, laughing with friends, laughing, doing shows, laughing on stage. That's real happiness.

So is happiness possible? Yeah. But you've got to be around a bunch of other people that also commit to the same ideas. You have to be around a bunch of other really fun, happy people. It's very difficult to go it on your own. The only way you can is if somehow or another you attract people as you're going it on your own and you're committed to a life of happiness that also kind of like catch into your vibe and then pick up what you're doing and do the same thing, and then you gravitate more people.

But you can do it, and I don't think it has to be that you have to be above happiness. It's like my concept of guerrilla Buddhism. I told you this before. People always say that to be truly happy, you cannot be attached to objects and you should transcend objects and material possessions. I say, horseshit. I say, material possessions are fucking awesome. Some cars are badass.

It's cool to drive. TVs are awesome to own. Stereos are great to listen to. It's cool to eat a good meal. It's nice to live in a house that's cool to look at. These are all good things. point where you don't worry about the possessions, but you appreciate them when they're there. It's not that you become completely attached to them. But the only way to really do that, I think, is to make enough money so that it's not that big a deal. If someone steals your car, you can just get another car. But the thing people like about possessions is not the possession. The thing people like is the way the possession makes them feel, the feeling state that is induced from the thing. Right. You know, like, so people like feeling in love,

and people begin to associate the person in their life, whoever they're dating or married to or whatever, is the thing that's invoking that love. They're attached to the aspect of the material universe that's creating the feeling. And I think that there's a place, and maybe it's legendary and I shouldn't even believe in it, but a lot of the saints and a lot of gurus and a lot of people who seem very advanced seem to point to a place that is not dependent on being triggered by things in the material universe. In other words, the feeling that you get from amazing stuff is a pre-existing feeling inside of you. You already have that inside of you and you're letting stuff be the excuse to feel that way. Whereas the idea is you can pop into a state where you're always experiencing that type of excitement and pleasure

that you've limited to. If I get a great job, if I get a nice house, if I book some other thing again, or if I get a brand new car, if I get the new Mac, I'll feel I'm going to feel great. That old Buddha quote, enlightenment is possible in this lifetime. Yes, that's exactly right. Can't it be both? Can't you have a badass car and still try to be enlightened? Is that possible? Yes, well, that's the thing.

I think there's something negative about issuing those things, about avoiding. I do, too. I think it's retarded because then you get fucking people who are lying to themselves and pretending to be a certain way. How many people drive a Prius just for the social cred? I'm an environmentalist. I'm an environmentalist.

I love the earth. I love this sweet earth. I think a lot of people buy just for the mileage. I'm down. Yeah, sure. I mean, it's $4 today. But guess what? Brad Pitt doesn't.

Okay? No, people, here's the thing. People want to put off meditating or experimenting with different forms of spirituality until they're good, until they feel like they're perfect. They want to approach. They're like, you know, I'm going to be happy soon, but let me get rid of this other shit first. I got to take care of this stuff. That's not it the idea is you approach uh understanding yourself and the universe and your connection to the universe not from a place where

you think you're going to be but from where you are right now is some filthy filthy no matter what if you haven't really meditated a lot the chances are you're absorbed in some if you're on earth you're absorbed in some really stupid crazy shit and if you wait till you're absorbed in some, if you're on earth, you're absorbed in some really stupid, crazy shit. And if you wait till you're better balanced to start meditating, you're never going to meditate. Right. You're never going to get into just from exactly where you're at as a, as a fucking sex crazed beast or a alcoholic or with seven heroin needles falling out of your arm, approach it from that place.

And that's where you start getting really cool results, man. When you, your arm, approach it from that place. And that's where you start getting really cool results, man, when you come at it from where you're at. Well, it's like everything else. You just have to do it. It's like, well, I'm going to start exercising soon. I'm going to quit smoking soon. I'm going to do this soon. Just start doing it.

It's the same thing as everything else. You have to somehow or another trigger that action in your brain to force your body to move in the direction of whatever the fuck it is you need to do. Right. Hopefully we can hack our brains in the future where we know exactly what to do to motivate that. Like a remote control. I don't want to be the first, though, because there's a bunch of dudes that are going to turn gay because they try to get smarter. For sure, that's going to happen, man.

They're going to fucking stab the wrong part of your cortex and you're just like, yummy cock. Why does cock seem so yummy? Could you imagine? You come to from your operation, and you're like, oh. You just want to get. Oh, you look at the doctor. God damn, he's hot. Yummy, yummy cock.

You can't stop saying it. What if you could live forever, but for whatever reason, every couple minutes, you just start going, yummy cock. Yummy, yummy cock. You can't even help it. You're on a date you know having some meat yeah well you know i've been really i've gone to a few plays lately yummy cock yeah just you know or you're in the interviews you know one of the great things about being immortal is just the yummy cock he's immortal but it's mess well i don't know man i think it's easily possible that they could fuck up the first couple times they try to rewire the brain and just create psychopaths. Listen, I love the idea of going to the gym and putting my brain in the same place where the kids play while my body goes and works out.

That would be the fucking best. go where you could go and just lie down in a machine and the body would be forced to do all this work without you ever having to exert effort mentally. You would be down with that? Yeah. You're down with it? Yeah, for sure.

But you would miss out the whole thing. The whole thing is developing the character to push through the hard workout, which elevates your human potential. Sure. Or get really good at Starcraft while your body's working. Yeah.

Let your body do the hard part. But that's how you develop character though. I mean, that's a big way. There's, there's a, there's something that's definitely to be learned from separating your body and your mind and forcing your body to work for your mind.

Yes. When your body's struggling, your body wants to quit and you go, shut up, bitch, keep going. And then when it's over, you're like, wow, I did it. I got through it. This is a tough struggle because when you're doing like, you ever do body weight squats, you know what they are? Hindu squats. Uh, yeah, I think I tried squats once.

Well, it's very easy to do one, you know, anybody can go down on your, you know, put your ass to the back of your ankles and then stand back up again. It's not hard. Very few people could do 500. And it's one of those things where when you start doing it, you get into it, you do like 25 and then you're like, holy shit, 26, 27, the lactic burn, you know, the muscle burn in your legs starts getting pretty intense, but it's not a difficult thing to do. It's not difficult to just stand up. So in your mind, it's very hard to accept that you should, when you, when you just stop, should I stop now? I can't do another one. You can't stand up. You really can't stand up one more time just with your own body weight. So you have to like figure out how to, to order your brain to work for you and push through it.

And sometimes for like a couple of minutes, you'll be in agony, taking big, deep breaths and then push out another one and go down and big, deep breaths. When do you want to quit? Well, you want to quit at like 25 or 26 when it starts getting a little bit difficult. Your brain starts going, all right, let's stop. Let's stop. Let's stop. Your body's going, I'm sending you these signals.

This shit is not fun. Let's cut it off. And then you have to figure out a way to manage that and balance that. And once you do, once you do have the ability to push yourself through brutal workouts, push yourself through like jujitsu class and kickboxing class and stuff like that. When it's, when you develop a character, you develop something, you developed a control over your body that the average person doesn't have. Yeah. Like those fucking guys who can do those, those divers, uh, divers, that I respect the shit out of that.

I think it's a crazy thing, but some of those guys who can go underwater for like seven minutes. Oh, that's crazy, man. That's one of my favorite things to watch. Yeah, me too. What the fuck? How do you do that? It's power over your body, using your mind and your willpower to control your body.

I mean, it has to, it takes a long time for them to get up to that, that amount of your breath. But God made a perfect example. Like every second you want to quit every goddamn second, your body sending signals like enough enough, enough to get some air. When I was in Hawaii, stoned out of my mind from drinking pot tincture, we went snorkeling and there was our group snorkeling. And then I realized there was a guy with a snorkel who wasn't in our group.

And there's no boat anywhere to be seen. And like land is far the fuck away. And this guy's swimming around and like we're all snorkeling. He goes under and I'm watching him go way, way, way, way, way down. And he's staying down there and he knows we're watching him. And he's staying down there for an impossibly long time. And I'm like, it went from me being like, wow, way, way down. And he's staying down there. And he knows we're watching him. And he's staying down there for an impossibly long time. And I'm like, it went from even like, wow, that guy's great, to like my heart started beating. Because I was like, oh, fuck.

I think this guy's drowning. Like, I think this guy's going to die. He turns over on his back. Right? And his arms go out loose and limp. And his body starts floating up to the surface. And then he just smiles and waves at us he was faking drowning because he could just hold his breath so fucking long and

i guess like one of the things he liked to do in hawaii was to snorkel out to the groups and make him think that he had drowned holy shit so he practices his free diving by freaking people yeah because i really thought he was he was it was he was under so impossibly long. It was crazy. Whoa. Holy shit. Yeah, man. Like, I would love to be able to do that.

That would be so amazing. That's pretty awesome, man. You must have the most healthy lungs to be able to do that. That guy's probably never even had secondhand smoke. I don't know. I think it's something you build up to. I think it's something just like everything else. You know, like the only way you can do 500 bodyweight squats is you got to start off with 25 and work your way up to 500. I think they just developed the ability to

hold their breath. I know Egan Inouye, who is an MMA fighter, him and his brother Ensign, they're pretty famous pioneers. And his brother Egan is uh famous for uh being a free diver i think he won like some sort of crazy title you know like i think at one point in time he'd like held his breath the longest longer than anybody else i'm pretty sure like navy seals and shit train you to do that it's part of boot camp probably i would imagine you know dude i told you about my friend eric eric crisp the guy who went to uh he he's a he makes pool cues makes these badass pool cues he's in the military and he had tried out for the SEALs. And one of the things they make you do, I believe it was the SEALs.

It might have been one of the special forces. One of the other groups like that. They make you drown. Like, you literally go underwater until bubbles come up, and then your team has to rescue you. So you have to trust in them to bring you back to life. Fuck. Like, you go unconscious. You drown.

They pull you out before your body's totally dead they pump the water out of you they give you cpr and then they bring you back to life and that's when he was like i tap i'm done that's enough yeah he's like i can stay up for days and go running through the woods but i'm not gonna let you drown me have you seen that video on the internet there's an video on the internet of an artist doing that drowning himself in his bathtub have you seen that yeah i see if you can find someone brings him back to life yeah he puts a fucking uh concrete block on his chest and his bathtub drowns because because basically there's when you suck in water there's a reaction i think your body has where it automatically knocks you unconscious so yeah he knew he would go out and his friend had to resuscitate him. Oh my God. Did you find it?

No. I think look up performance artist drowned self in bathtub, I guess. Like I'm telling you out of Google, we're both internet junkies. Go to the Google website and type. I prefer Bing. Me too. Drowned alive. Performance art performance stunt.

Talentless self-indulgence taking the stage yeah this is yeah he pissed people off a lot of people are upset at him talentless yeah well maybe but no one's saying that it's a talent thing yeah it's a it's a crazy ball i'm really good at drowning myself i was born with this bizarre talent where i can drown myself with anything this fucking wonky website doesn't work. Yeah, I don't, it was like on a weird site where I saw, I can't remember. I think that was when I still used to go to

Toxic Junction. Crazy idiot drowns himself for art. That's funny. The first one was like a critique of it and this one is a crazy idiot. Those sites are fucking wonky. This one ain't working either. Yeah, it's because we're streaming video right now, probably.

Really? No, come on, man. We got cable here. That's not what this is. It's not. The sites are coming up instantly. It's not what it is. It's like the internet just sucks.

My website sucks lately. It doesn't matter what your download speed is. Your upload speed is probably bottlenecked at something like brian i got a question for you this is a i've got a i've got a uh tech technological question why does korea have faster internet than us they most countries have got most countries have faster internet than us why we're just behind you know we're because we're out there kicking ass and making freedom brian that's Some shit that gets left behind. Same reason why there's cell phones,

there are video games, everything. Here's Homeboy. If you just look up drowning performance art, go look it up on YouTube. I'm going to watch it real quick and see if it's worth it. How can you not? Oh, he talks about it. Okay. Go to it, Brian, because this guy

is actually going to explain what the fuck he's going to do before. I wonder how many views it has on YouTube. Let's guess. I say 35,000. I want to know what advertisements comes up before. What do you say? I say 35,000. How many?

I got to put that in 100,000. 100,000. Let's see. 27,000. Shit. Really? You overestimate the Justin Bieber fans of the world. But then again, look, Justin Bieber's at least singing a fucking song.

But no, you put Justin Bieber as the soundtrack to a guy drowning himself in the bathtub, it'll quadruple the views. You know, I don't know what Justin Bieber sounds like. I have no idea what a Justin Bieber song is. He looks like an angel. Is that it, Brian? Yeah, just do the commercial first. That one has a commercial? This one does.

What commercial? What product are they selling with this guy's drowning video? StarCraft, it looks like. No. Some kind of a video game. Yeah, weird. Halo or StarCraft? I did another podcast on a plane with Ari Shaffir.

Oh, how'd it go? We were blitzkrieged. We ate an edible before we got on the plane with Ari Shaffir. Oh, how'd it go? We were blitzkrieg'd. We ate an edible before we got on the plane. It's the best. Dude, we were gone, like scary gone. It was like my whole body was tingling with vulnerability. You know, you get to that state. But you're still taken care of on a plane.

It's the perfect place to do it. Until you freak out and you can't get off the plane. Last time Ari was on a plane and did it, he almost had to tell the stewardess that, hey, I need to get off the plane. Could you land the plane? That's a bit of an exaggeration because this is the time he was with me. He said, I almost had to get off the plane. I was like, really? Not really.

It was a thought in his head, but he never really actually did it. Like you press the stewardess button and ask if they would mind landing the plane for landing In Phoenix really quick Run out into the desert myself Well Ari goes deep because I'd like to introduce myself and she's Jonathan Murphy performance artist Hate him already. My work is heavily influenced by Chris Burden's performance art from the 70s. He's the artist most famous for his piece shoot in which he had his friend shoot him

in the arm with a 22 caliber rifle. That was a wonderful piece. What you're about to see next is a piece of mine entitled Drowning. I feel that this piece requires a little bit of explanation. When water enters the airway, the vocal cords constrict and seal off the air tube, thus preventing any water from entering the lungs. This is called a laryngospasm. During this initial phase of drowning,

very little water, if any, actually enters the lungs. It actually fills up the stomach. My hands were bound, and a concrete block was placed on my chest. This was done in order to weigh me down, but it also would help force air out of my lungs once I lost breath. You'll see that nose clips were used as well in order to ensure safety. Yeah, because that's what you want to worry about when you're fucking drowning yourself.

My friends were instructed to wait for me to go unconscious and then immediately pull me out of the water. That in cocks, it sounds like. So, I think that's pretty much it. Let's watch. His friend, like, how many minutes did his friend think about not picking up that watch? I wonder how long he went under for. So this guy's in his underwears now.

First of all, that's a bitch-ass move. If you're gonna drown, you should be balls out. Fucking let your cock hang out, son. Shit yourself. Yeah. Come on, man. You're afraid we're gonna see your penis while you're drowning? You know, you're showing us your ass there, sonny boy. You're dying in a tub, and you're worried about people seeing your penis?

You fucking pussy. I'm a performance artist. You fucking fake crazy person. There's a cinder block on his chest. By the the way that cinder block ain't stopping me from drowning Bitch, I'll stand right the fuck up So is this guy just gonna start breathing now what happens here He's just lying there with this cinder block on his chest He's just lying there with this cinder block on his chest.

And somehow, somewhere around the wall, I guess he's going to, like, take a breath of water? Yeah, he's going to have to, like, get air and he won't be able to get out. So he's just holding his breath right now as long as he can. Yeah. So what the fuck happened to this guy while we're going through this? Because this is probably going to take a minute. What the fuck happened to this guy that he wants to drown himself in a tub? Watched too many episodes of Two and a Half Men.

That affected way he talks makes me want to kick him in the balls, doesn't it? This is for the arts, Joe. You don't understand. Work was heavily influenced by another douchebag from the 70s. He shot himself in the arm. This amazing piece is called Shoot Me. And this is called Bathtub Drowning.

The most unoriginal names. This is called drowning. Well, I mean, that's what it is. Why call it anything else, right? Just fucking put some icing on it. Come up with something. I don't know, man. So while we're pausing, folks, this guy's still just lying there in the tub

holding his breath. With his eyes open. Yeah, he hasn't given up yet. And he's getting ready to give up. He's starting to spaz because it's towards the end of the video. The beautiful thing about YouTube is you can see that little bar at the bottom. There he goes. There he goes.

He's breathing now. Oh, wow. Oh, this is fucked. Oh, my God. Oh, he, out, out, out, out. He's out. Whoa. I need to see. So they got him on the floor now, and now they're doing CPR to him.

All right. Oh, this is so fucked. The guy's blowing in his mouth right now, and he's still not back. He's still done. I guess this guy, hopefully this guy really knows how to do CPR. Yeah, right. I took this class a couple years ago. Has this guy ever done this to a live body before? You want a real experienced lifeguard type character.

It seems like it's taking a long time. This is scary as shit. He's counting. He's looking up and counting and blowing into this guy's... I don't see a lot of effort on his part either. I don't see him really fucking pushing that out. I wouldn't try. This is fucked, man. This guy's still under.

Or dead or drowned or whatever. I mean, isn't brain cells dying right now? Yeah. Isn't this like... Well, I mean, how many minutes does it have to be? Because it hasn't been that many minutes since the guy was... Well, he was under the bath. Seems like they got it back. Yeah, what if they didn't and they're both

assisted murderers, you know? That sound that you heard was his friend running back into the room. Wow. And now he's back to life. Holy shit. Holy shit. What the fuck, man? That took a long ass time Holy fuck

Yeah it's pretty fucked up Dude that is a trip Let's see at the end Brian Let's see if he's got something stupid to say I'm like I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Don't try this at home. Wow. We are all fascinated by that transition, you know, from here to there, from present to not.

Yeah. From life to death, from here to gone, you know. We're all fascinated by that, man. The death of the body. How often do you trip about that? Dying. Oh, look what I got for you, by the way, that you keep forgetting.

I got your notebook that you left here when you lived here. We're not going to read from it. Joe's already read through it. I heard about what you have to say about ponies. Thanks. This thing has been burning a hole through my chest. You're just lucky that you didn't become famous You're just lucky that you didn't become famous

You're lucky that you didn't become famous In the time between living here And going out on your own Because I would have sold that fucking thing If you were Charlie Sheen I'd be on the Today Show right now I have the documents That is a true friend to give this embarrassing journal back Well this is a journal that Duncan

Got the boot from his missus back in the day And lived with me for a few months best roommate ever by the way the only one that's ever cleaned i've had a couple guys live with me the only one that ever like actually kept his room clean is duncan but tate lived with me for a few months and was like a goddamn tornado in there it was for tate's a fucking savage tate might as well i just might as well just cut a hole in the in the side of the hill and Tate would have lived in there just the same. Tate's crazy. But anyway, Duncan wrote this journal about his feelings and the relationship. And the reason why I brought this up, the reason why my mind even went to it in the first place is because a lot of people are scared of the isolation tank for the same

reason they're scared of death. Right. Because it almost is like a personal death of you, you know, like a temporary death of you for a brief moment. You cease to exist when you go into that tank. That tank is also something that helped you. And this is where the connection to this journal comes from. When you were going through this breakup, you kind of reassessed your whole life.

It was really interesting to watch. You know, you came when you called me up and you were really bummed out and she kicked you out and you were in a hotel room and I'm like, Hey, fucking come live with me. And then you moved and you were like a little frazzled. You were like, thanks a lot, man. I really appreciate it. I'm like, Hey, I'm living by myself. This is all good. You know, Duncan's living with me now. We're going to have some fun. It's been great, dude. Everything's going to be fine. But you were clearly like lost. You know, you would, you would, you would like gotten, you know, when you get dumped, man, it's like this fucking feeling of shit i don't have a home anymore like where am i sleeping now massive like just a hundred percent change complete you've been living this certain way long enough to to get

used to it and then all of a sudden everything absolutely changes like just a huge turn that you probably thought could happen but you're you know trying to imagine that it wasn't even a possibility and it happens well that yeah that's like you go into shock you're attached to a certain rhythm a certain pattern a certain set of surroundings that massively changes you go into shock and that is the perfect time to get in a fucking flotation tank when everything's discombobulated and floating around inside of you and all the weird assemblage of emotions.

More than anything, though, what's cool about that shit is you get a real taste of truth. That's what truth is right there. That's like the experience of truth, which is change, which is dramatic, radical change. Fucking unavoidable. Happens all the time. The isolation tank keeps you from distracting yourself and makes you think about your life. Yeah.

It makes you think about what's going on. So for me, it was so fascinating having you here at a real low point and watching you pull right out of it, right out of it, like very quickly. Like you, when you got into that tank within a few weeks, man, you were laughing about shit and joking around about shit. Yeah. Yeah. It was cool. It was, yeah, it definitely, definitely helped. And that's why you're, that's why friends are so important because like, if you don't have friends and you get into that predicament oh terrible it's worth feeling more you feel completely alone yeah yeah and but you know even if you don't have

friends you can still pull yourself out of it but you have to i guess really want you know you you have to want to yeah yeah you well it's it's i mean it's look anyone can can improve their surroundings you can improve your situation but it was really interesting for me watching you because it was such an unusual opportunity for both of us it was an unusual opportunity for me to watch someone who didn't have a lot of experience with a tank but who was such a curious person and psychedelically experienced like you and then have access to this thing on a daily basis you know and for me to watch you go from this like really low point to like like really like gaining ground like you came out of it like stronger it was so fucking cool climbing out of

that thing in that state of being in the in the state of like having had because you know they're being in the in the state of like having had because you know they're psychic psychedelics are not limited to drugs like there are many ways to induce a psychedelic state of mind the tank being one of them and um another way to induce a psychedelic state of mind is to have dramatic change happen in your life that rips back whatever delusion you were living by and shows you the true universe. Yeah, the term psychedelic to a lot of people means like seeing things that aren't there, hallucinations, dancing mice, you know, shit like that, pink elephants flying through the sky. That's not a real psychedelic state.

The real psychedelic state is the dissolution of cultural conformity and the, the, your ideas of the universe, all your predetermined patterns of thinking, all your, your adopted behavior patterns, all that gets stripped away and you're left with the core of you and your decisions and, and what, what you can and can't change and how you led yourself into a position where you were so weak in the first place that you, you know, you needed saving from like what, what, where, why did you have no foundation? Why did you fall apart? What, what is it about, you know, life and about trying to get by in this world that leaves us so fucking vulnerable sometimes. And so in need of other human beings to stack us up and to hold us up and watching you, man, it was really fucking cool. It was really cool because you really used it,

man. You got in there all the time. And you were getting out and talking about it. And it was a fucking trip. I don't know if you wrote about it in the thing because I didn't read it. I've had that thing for years. You didn't even take a look at that. I read to him over the phone. And then he made me stop.

And I said, all right, I won't read any more of it. I believe you. That's insane. That thing has been sitting in my fucking my office for I think it's like 2004 or something. What year was this? I can't wait till I didn't date it. 2004 or 2005. I believe it was. Yeah. Oh, it's cool, though. I mean, you're you you got a window into a certain time in your life, you know, where you were you were in the shits. life you know when you were you were in the shits well i'll tell you man that unfortunately happens but you know you say that but i don't think it's unfortunate at all oh right imagine if you were

stuck with that chick now no jesus christ think about that think about your situation now and think about your situation then how much happier you are now you could have been stuck i mean if you know if you talked her into taking you back or something gross. Oh. With a child or something? Oh, Jesus Christ. Stop right there. You know, I mean, it's funny how you're a different human now than you were then.

You're so much more confident. You know, it's one of the things that I saw when you went up in Montreal. Right. Like even your sets now, you're so much more confident. You go up there, you're so much more, you know, you're so much more, what's the word? You, you're resigned to who you are. Yeah. Not, not resigned rather. You're not, but it's not resigned. That's cause that sounds like you're giving up. It's not, that's not what I mean. You're, you are completely aware of who you are. That's the best way of saying it. And that when you're going on stage now, you're going on stage, not trying to convince them of anything. You're just, this is me and this is what I'm

doing is what I have to say. Whereas before you were like, Hey, I hope you like me. Do you like me? You don't like me? Well, here, I'm going to say something. I guess, I guess that weirded you out. I think the reason the word resigned popped out of your mouth first is because I think there is a certain level of being of, and it sounds like it's like I'm giving up but resigned can also be like a kind of surrender where you're like I'm just no longer going to spend time whether on stage or off stage I'm not going to spend time anymore trying to convince myself or other people that I'm some certain way and I'm going to start trying to approach people from where I'm at. Yes. Which is which is not a perfect place for most people. Most most of us are, you know, have fucked up things that we do.

And why wouldn't you? I mean, you're going to look at where you're at. Like you say, we're in a fucking ball flying through fucking space. How are you supposed to adapt to this in some brilliant way right off the bat? You know, you can't, it's, you're in this insane dimension where we're getting rocketed through space where you're going to die.

You're surrounded by people who call themselves your family that you're supposed to have attachments to. They're going to die. You're in a life where you've just adopted certain modes of being i didn't have a baby i didn't get married but a lot of people do when they weren't ready and they weren't supposed to and they get married and they have a baby and they are theoretically for this incarnation pretty fucking trapped they're in a lot of people are a lot of people are having, they have all kinds of weird situations where the relationship they're stuck somehow or another, whether it's because of a mortgage or because of a business that they started together,

mental, a mental idea of how things are supposed to be stuck with some person, or you give birth to a child that has like a, a melted brain and you've got to take care of like a little like sick kid for 12 years or like there's so many different ways that your particular dna can get rivuleted down into a shitty trap where you're just like there it's like that's why i like that movie you said you didn't want to see it and i'm sorry if you've seen it didn't like it but what was that 127 hours did you see that no i didn't see it because i i knew the story and i you know i i don't want to watch some dude yeah that's just a torture movie there's no reason to watch it everybody says that it's a torture movie like it was fixated on the

gore or the but it wasn't it's a fucking metaphor which is that uh sometimes doing the thing you love to do whatever it is and and that's for a lot of people's fucking doing the thing you love to do, whatever it is, and that's for a lot of people is fucking. Doing the thing you love most, you can end up getting your goddamn arm pinned down. So you're connecting someone having a baby to cutting your arm off. That's funny. No, I'm kidding. No, I'm not connecting. If you have a baby for the right reason.

No, I know what you're saying for the wrong reason. I know what you're saying. Look, you're saying what a lot of single people with no children say. And what you're saying is, you know, we were talking about our friend who tweeted something about having a child is like the exact opposite of winning the lottery. Yeah. I used to think the exact same way until I had children. But my situation is very different in that, first of all, I'm older, I've had more experience in life, and I'm secure financially and happy in the relationships. It was all good things at a good time.

But when I look back on past relationships, some of them, there's a bunch of relationships that I've been in, you know, like way back in the day when I was younger and I really didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I was hanging around with chicks that I probably really didn't even like that much, but I was still having sex with them. And sometimes you'd have like a crazy fucking breakup or crazy bad relationship. That person could be out there with your kid and then you have to deal with all kinds of the nonsense that comes with that. I mean, we all know somebody that has kids, you know, that's in some shit situation. Yeah. So I hear what you're saying, man.

What, but that, so what, yeah, what I'm really saying is, like, the idea, and it goes back to where. Of being comfortable resigned to who you are. Yes. That's where I think. I didn't like the way I said resign, though. I didn't mean resign. I don't mind. My brain is fucked.

Sometimes you have to be resigned. You know what I mean? Not all of us are fucking Charlie Sheen. Not all of us are rock stars from Mars. Not all of us are. A freaking rock star from Mars. Yeah. Some of us are like, you know. we all try to pretend I'm not special.

We're fucked up in a lot of ways, man. And that's if you start from it's like, you know, one thing that I would try to do when I used to work out. And it's like when I when I when I first started working out, I would try to lift weight that was so much more heavy than what I should have been lifting out of this sense of like I could lift heavy weights and so now I'm like trying to lift like way too well I'm like I should be at the fucking pink weights and I'm like trying to do you know what I mean I'm trying to do like really fucking heavy weights because it's like this is how I see myself down the line after I've been lifting pink weights for a while. That's how you get to the heavy weights. Right.

But if you start off right away trying to pump those fucking heavy weights, then it's disaster. You're going to pull your fucking muscles like people. You know, like dudes who lifted weights. One guy I think came up to me. He's like looking at me like, what are you doing? He's like, that's way too much weight. And so this is like having a kid when you're 16 having a kid when you're 16 or deciding that you're a famous comedian before you are getting on stage

after a couple of months and getting in your fucking head that you're like you've been doing stand-up for 15 years or being a fucking painter when and like just immediately thinking you're a great painter because i've had friends who've gotten into painting right and they've only painted for a year. And they show me some of their paintings. And the look on their face is like I'm supposed to react to it like I'm seeing a Picasso or something. I hate almost everyone that shows me things

that I'm supposed to look at that they did. Almost every time someone does that to me, I'm like, are you really going to do this to me, man? Please, no. Don't do this to me. Don't make me read your fucking script. Don't ask me to read your script, you fuck. I hate that.

Do you think you can read my script, bro? It's the worst. The worst is when it's bad, and then you're obligated to talk to them and go, oh, here's the situation. You basically did Men in Black meets Back to the Future written by a 12-year-old. It's like, you can't say that. You can't even say that. You have to go, wow, man, that's pretty good, man. Back Meets Back to the Future written by a 12-year-old.

You can't say that. You can't even say that. You have to go, wow, man, that's pretty good, man. It's pretty good. Well, no, then you're, see, that's the thing. That's where you get, and I think kind of what we're talking about, which is like, at some point you have to make a decision. Am I going to spend the rest of my life lying to the world? Am I going to spend the rest of my life trying to manipulate people around me because I'm too lazy to tell them the truth?

Or am I just going to start telling the truth? Well, what if it, though, if it's a friend that's written something really cool? What if someone has got a script? And I mean, that's the problem with all the shitheads that want you to read their scripts. It makes you super skeptical for the occasional rare person to actually write something good. Right. And it's just like, hey, I think this is pretty good. Do you want to read it? And then you're like, yeah, alright, I'll read it.

But how many of those are there? Most people I know who are really good at things, they don't ask me to look at it. I end up looking at it because I want to. Like my friend, Emile, who just visited, his music's fucking good. So I try to get new CDs of his because I want to listen to it. Because it's really fucking good.

But sometimes somebody else sends you something. Or somebody, you'd be in their car if they're a musician and then they'll put their shit on and you have to listen to it. That's the worst. You're stuck. Never do that. That is the coolest thing. Never let a musician drive. You always have to drive.

And never let them get in your car with a CD. What's in your hand, bitch? What's in your fucking hand? It's so hard. You know why because you're suddenly you're forced suddenly not just to evaluate how miserable an artist they are how cliche and shitty their music is but also you have to you realize that the fact that they felt comfortable playing this for you means they think it's good so they they're so deluded and so fucked up they're like oh yeah i'm gonna they've been

waiting all day to play their music because they get really attached to a script or a piece of music or a joke or i mean how many times have you had a friend who's uh just starting out and they have a bit and you got you want to tell them okay man you need to drop that bit that bit good and like no no no it's good it's good it's good it's good just this is a bad crowd tonight i've been doing it it's been killing terrible but you you're fundamentally looking at the whole premise and what he's saying. You're like, this is a shit joke, dude. This is terrible. It's a clunker.

If someone's been doing stand-up for less than a year, I don't even critique their material. Because I know they're going to grow out of it. And it's going to change. And it's going to get. It's like the first year of stand-up, you can't any you're lucky if you're if you're really well isn't that like any bit it's only takes a couple things to add to something that's the whole point and no bit starts off like a grade a bit from the beginning usually it's usually you have some kind of idea and you try to go through it and then add to it and make it an actual bit right so that's

what's weird about me because like i'll go on stage and people come up to me and go, dude, that bit sucks or whatever. But I'm like, yeah, but this is like the second time I've ever said it, you know? So,

well, you know, the thing is, it's like, there's no fucking rules about, about it or anything. It just takes a long time. I mean,

it takes a long time. You're more advanced than someone who's only been doing comedy for a year. You know, you're doing pretty good right now. You, you, you, you,

you've also had the opportunity to do, do stand up, take off for five years and be around high level stand-up comedy on a regular basis you're always at the improv you're always at sal's you go on the road you see joey crush and art crush you see me do my sets and so all these fucking this comedy is in your head i mean you're getting to see like you get to see bill burr all the time whenever he's in town you see louis ck you've seen chappelle you've seen so many fucking comics man it's like your exposure to high level stand-up comedy is much much more uh you know it's much deeper than the average open micer definitely but it doesn't help me write anymore you know what i mean that's that's what i did like yesterday yesterday i was all right, I'm going to do no new,

this is all new jokes night yesterday. And I was like, but fuck, I didn't write anything. So I'm looking through my notes going, okay, there was an idea, there's an idea, trying to make bits, but I didn't write any of this shit out. So I went on stage, I pretty much had nothing. It's funny, writing into me or at least thinking of bits. You can't go on stage balls out like that with nothing in your head. You have to have some

material first. Right. Well, usually I like to just kind of throw it around. The only way you can do that is if you're Joey Diaz, if you're doing it a long time. I'll go on stage sometimes and I'll fuck around and I don't know what I'm going to say. I came up with that bit about the birds. There's birds that are falling from the sky and everyone's like, oh, it's a fucking apocalypse, man.

Look, the birds. I'm like, one thing that you don't consider is that birds are cunts. Okay? First of all, who cares about birds falling from the fucking sky? Birds don't give a shit about you. They're surviving dinosaurs. And second of all, why do we think that it's apocalypse? Maybe it's some one badass worm becomes a sorcerer and just decides to get back all

these cunty birds that have been fucking with his family for generations. And, you know, he's wearing a wizard's robe and he's just it's called winning you know so this this bit it's turned into a bit and it came out out of nowhere literally i had no idea what i was going to say but i knew that if i had no nothing there i have another bit ready that is actually a bit right and so because you have like these little these little bridges you know that you know that you have this this bridge is built. I'm going to go right into fire at the San Francisco Hotel. Boom. It's right there. It's solid. And so I know that I can take a chance. Like, let's just swing off this vine and hope I can catch that bridge or, you know, or catch a vine that I didn't know was there. How cool is it when that start when you start killing and you're improvising and you're in that bizarre wave where suddenly you're not doing any jokes?

And then sometimes I've improvised and done well and then tried to go back into a joke. Yeah. And it doesn't do as well because they were so used to that stuff that was coming in the moment. Yes. Like, that's a weird thing, man. They can tell, too. They feel it. They sense it.

He's doing material now. Yeah. And also they can tell that you're. They can tell, too. They feel it. They sense it. He's doing material now. Yeah. And also they can tell that you're free-balling, too. They can tell. Like, when Joey Diaz free-balls, like, sometimes I'll run up to him offstage. I go, did you plan that one? And they'll go, nah, I fucking came up with it right there. Like, he did a joke about his dick.

He was doing this thing about Viagra. This was the Sunday night show in Brea. He was doing a thing about, you never copped a dead dick. You never copped a dead dick. He goes, if your dick's dead, this is what you do. You go out to the fucking refrigerator, you get those popsicle sticks, and you wrap that dick up like a fucking wounded soldier. Send it

back in. He was talking about putting your dick in a splint with popsicle sticks, and the way he was saying it, it was fucking, it was so, it was, there's a feeling of magic as he was saying this, and he is killing before he says this, so he goes into this like red-faced like joey diaz purple-faced screaming spits flying out you never copped a

dead dick you send that dick in like a wounded soldier and me and ari were fucking crying laughing and i couldn't wait to for him to get off stage so i could ask him was that off the top of your head that he said it came out of nowhere. It just came out of nowhere. It seemed like a bit. It was all there. It was because he was willing to swing. Just take this chance and see where it brings you. To be able to do that, though, in front of several hundred people is rare.

With your stage right now, you can't quite do that yet. With your stage right now, what you've got to do is you've got to write things down and then fuck around with them. One of my biggest bits I did that though with the cum on your face. That was made up on stage.

What bit is that? The pets. Oh, well, yeah. That was a line. You came up with a line for an already existing bit. No, no, no. That whole bit was written on stage.

Really? Yeah. And it just came up on one day on a Sunday show. I mean, that's what I've been talking about. I'll do that all the time where I'll think just like either on stage or right when I'm going to. Like the other day I had this thing where.

You were talking about that before you ever did it on stage, Brian. You've talked about that a few times. What? Before you talked about the ex-girlfriends, how you have these pets from them and they all have the same personality. Yeah, but I didn't. I mean, the first time I thought of of that bit i was seriously waiting for the comic in front of me to get off stage and i'm just thinking like i gotta do something about my animals because i feel like i'm a single mom right now and so i went on stage and said hey you know

i feel like a single mom oh so maybe when you talk to me about it you had already done it on stage maybe it's that yeah yeah i don't like when people do that when they pretend they're having a conversation with you and really they're trying out material right that's just the word what's worse is when it's very obvious you know some people can actually get away with it because you're like telling the joke and they think you know it's funny but some people just you could tell they're just doing bits there's a dude i used to play pool with and it was brutal he was a comic and he used to go tell me if you think there's anything in this like no oh that's the worst drop my head down he didn't have a whole lot of friends and he was like really into his comedy.

And he was one of those guys, he was a decent comic, but he wrote out every fucking joke as he would say it on stage. So it never seemed like when he was on stage that he was really just up there fucking around. It always seemed like, here's some material that I wrote today. Yeah, right. And so he, like, holds me hostage there while we're playing pool. And while he says out the whole joke, you know, like literally, have you ever noticed?

Like he gives me a have you ever noticed? I'm like, you motherfucker. Did you just give me a have you ever noticed? Have you ever noticed? I notice a lot of shit, dude. You want to talk about other shit I notice? Man, that's the problem with comedy, man, is there's like good comedy, but there's like the shitty comedian is a pathetic figure, man. It's just such a rough mode of being, man.

It's such a silly, embarrassing existence. What's the idea that you command the attention of the crowd? Your voice is amplified. the attention of the crowd. You are, your voice is amplified. You're, there's a light spot put on you and you are supposedly, you know,

so entertaining and interesting that all you have to do is talk and you're going to grab the attention of all these people in this room. You're requesting this exorbitant amount of attention. And it's because you claim to have this skill and the skill is you're going to elicit laughter. You're going to get extract laughter from the audience. Yeah. Good luck. It was really weird lately. If I have this skill, and this skill is you're going to elicit laughter. You're going to extract laughter from the audience. Good luck. What's really weird lately, I have been noticing,

there's this whole breed of comic, open mic mostly, that does their whole act, but not once did you think, no, there's a joke there. Meaning they're just talking, and they're forgetting that this is supposed to be funny almost. Like they're almost saying a story and when they're done with the story, they expect you to clap. But then nothing in it was even a joke where it's like is that their sense of humor is that bad or they just don't get – They're open micers.

You're dealing with open micers. That's like saying like how come this guy who doesn't know how to throw a punch at all thinks he's going to be on The Ultimate Fighter? They're not good. They're incompetent. It's so amazing that people could be that bad, though. What's amazing is they could be that bad forever. How many dudes have you ever seen at the comedy store that have been doing stand-up for 10 plus years doing open mics and they're still brutally bad? It's so insane.

It is insane. You should progress. You're talented in the opposite way. The fact that you haven't gotten better at all and you've been doing it for some people 15 years. I don't think you can get better if you're not good at all. I think there are some guys that get into comedy that truly don't understand what comedy is and they see other people doing it and talking it. But they're so socially unaware that they don't know how they come off to other people. And they probably don't have the tools, the psychological tools, the cognitive tools to

really objectively assess their own personality. So they're never going to be able to do it. They literally are never going to be. You have to have a certain amount of awareness in order to do stand up. And there's a lot of people that attempt it that just don't have that. They don't have it. And if you don't have it, man, you've got to do – something has to happen dramatic. You've got to go to Mexico and do Ibogaine.

Ayahuasca maybe. Yeah, something like that. Get your mind blown. Yeah, yeah. You'll be able to come back. Yeah, you literally have to become a different person. The person that you are is just – what you have is like – it's like I want to race in the Formula 1 Grand Prix, but I have a Toyota Camry. What do you think I should do?

Well, you're fucked. Yeah. Because these fucking cars go 250 miles an hour, and they're three inches off the ground. What are you going to do? You're not going to do that. You're not equipped for it. You have to change your equipment. That's it.

That's what it takes. The snake must shed its goddamn skin from time to time. This is the end. Praise Jesus. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. My only friend. The end.

Why were you all slaves? Dude, um... Ride the snake. Dude, uh, you know, I've just... This is kind of like a weird off-topic idea that I've had,

but I wanted to tell you about it because I had this weird... Because you were Catholic. This whole thing is off-topic. You can never say this is an off topic in this podcast. This is off the script that we've been rehearsing for the last few days.

I was raised Catholic, yeah. And in religion, there's this idea of tithing where you're supposed to get 10% of your income to the church. So, dude, I've started thinking about that and I've started thinking like, how fucking interesting would your life get if you decided to give 10% of your income, not to the church, but you decided to like give 10% of your income to, to do like really cool things for people randomly. You know what I mean? Right. I see what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? Your own sort of church offering.

Yeah. But it's not, no church is involved or anything. Right. I know what you're saying. You just like, because like the, man, like to go back to the idea of psychedelic states, things that induce psychedelic states, fucking helping someone randomly that doesn't expect you to, like if you go out and you think I'm going to go, I'm not a big fan of giving money to like people in front of 7-Eleven who are covered in sores.

I think that that's kind of like a way of killing somebody. But if you go out and have some extra money and decide, I'm going to do something cool with this. Or you just try to convert your financial energy into some positive thing that you randomly do for someone. And you decide, I'm going to do this from two to four o'clock today. Right. That puts you in the weirdest, most psychedelic state. And when you do some random good thing for somebody, dude, it blows people's minds. Yeah. Like they freak the fuck out. Like the look on their face is like, what just happened to me? Because everything is inverted in our society towards the self everyone's always

thinking about themselves everyone's always fixating on themselves if for two hours you don't fixate on yourself long enough to go do some random fucking thing for somebody dude it's trippy i definitely think that putting energy in towards you know any any sort of charitable notion any anything where you're helping people, it definitely is the right kind of energy to put out there in the world. It definitely can induce a different state of mind, a different state of being. But the charity thing, which is great. I mean, anything's good.

But when you call in and you give money to somebody or you have some kind of fund that you put money into that helps something, I'm talking about physically. Right. I know what you're saying okay yeah i mean charitable i mean like going out and helping people i definitely agree i mean how many of these fucking organizations keep getting busted charitable organizations when you find out like the the white cleve jean thing for haiti and you know you find out they're all stealing money and yeah it's like it's always it's always something like that is always going down. Doing random cool things for people, it does, it gives you like, it definitely gives you some sort of a weird charge. You know, when I gave away my isolation tank online, that was one of the coolest things that I ever did.

Because I mean, it's a fucking $8,000 piece of equipment. And some dude I don't even know just, and then bought salt. Salt was like $1,200. And then had it moved to his house. You know, I had to pay for a moving company. And then I had to pay for an installer to go install it in his house. Meanwhile, the fucking guy doesn't even use it. That bastard.

Yeah, man. I want to ask him for it back. I can give it to you. Do you have a place that works out? Oh, he has the best place ever. I got a perfect place for a tank. You need to get one. I want a float tank. You got to see his man cave. Yeah, we need to get you a tank.

I got a fucking man cave. I got a place right next to a shower where I could just basically go right from the flotation tank into the shower. The world needs Duncan Trussell to have a fucking isolation tank. Please, God, hear my prayer. Really, you need to make some money. And a Verizon iPhone. Yeah, you're with, well, you've got a couple different projects going on.

But when one of these hits, man, when you get your first fat check, we're going to get you. If this guy won't give up the tank, I don't think this guy wants to give up his tank. I think he's going through a divorce now, though. So he might have to move the tank. He might not have the money to reset the tank up. Right. I'll store it for him. I talked to him about it like a year after I sent it to him.

And he's like, yeah, I hardly ever use it. I'm like, you fuck. I'm like, God damn it, dude. That's what happens if you do it randomly yeah but you know i figured anybody that was i mean and the guy was like a wannabe stand-up comedian he's like trying to be a comic it's like jesus christ dude i gave you a fucking doorway to the universe and you don't open it and go through it every now and then he's got his old checks in there i bet there's no water in it he just puts old boxes in it if i was thinking i would have just built a shed.

I just built a shed for a washer and dryer. You know how easy it would have been just to build a shed for that? Would you have used it, though? I've never been in one, so probably. You think? I've never been in one, so probably. The thing is... Yeah, but I've offered you to go to that Soothing Solutions. You've never gone to that.

You want to go to that? I've never made the call. You want to do it? I'll do it. I'll set it up. Okay, we'll set it up. Or you can go to Float Lab. That's the cowl. You want to do it? I'll do it. I'll set it up. Okay, we'll set it up. Or you can go to Float Lab. That's the best place.

The Float Lab ones are on another level. That guy, Craig, if you're into a tank, go to FloatLab.com and look at what this guy's doing. This guy's making these super fucking thick stainless steel insulated tanks. They're the greatest. He's like the apple of flotation. Yeah, he's just a bad motherfucker. He's like this crazy mad scientist dude. He's like really into floating.

He's trying to invent some new screen where you can watch. It's the lowest amount of light is coming through these LCD screens. So you can watch like documentaries inside the tank and you can learn from it. Right. It helps you. It seems like it defeats the purpose. I think so. I'm not into it at all.

Maybe there's a way to like have like information blasted into your brain yeah well that's the what he's saying is that when you don't have when you have an absence of sensory input you you can really absorb information at a much faster rate and it totally makes sense on paper because the whole idea i mean look it's very difficult to watch a movie if there's jackhammers going on behind you distracting you if you had a float tank that had a interactive surface on the top of it right so that it can turn completely dark if you want it to but if you want you could light the entire fucking thing up with like the universe the milky way uh the i don't know just blue sky or whatever just fucking sanskrit verses from like all the great scriptures flying on there

it'd be incredible sanskrit verses well would you would you look at the translation do you do you how long would it take to learn sanskrit is that like a 10 year project i think it would take a long fucking time but i don't know if anybody would be into that I would think it would be you. I'd love to. Just because it's Sanskrit and Tibetan, when I'm on mushrooms and I start, like, you close your eyes and you see those weird symbols. I see Egyptian stuff. See, that's the thing. And I always wonder, these symbols you're seeing, I always think. Mayan-looking things. If I knew how to read this, would I be reading, like, some kind of message here?

Am I actually looking at some kind of scripture?? Is this, am I actually looking at some kind of scripture? You know what McKenna believes actually? What he thought was that when you do a psychedelic, what you're doing is you're taking part in the experience of everyone else who's also done that psychedelic. That's why we described ketamine as such an odd psychedelic, because it seems like its database of users was very, very small. So he said ketamine felt like an office building that was empty. You'd go in there and it's just empty cubicles. Like, where is everybody?

Whereas mushrooms, you're dealing with 10,000 years of obsessive daily use by millions of people all over the world. And a lot of those being the Mayans. I mean, the Mayans were heavily heavily into mushrooms you know when i was um in uh when i was in chichen itza and i went on a tour the guy that took me on a guide was a really really interesting guy he was a local uh university professor who also uh did guides like did tours and shit like that which is really deep into the the history of it and he just openly talked about the psychedel, like how they would take psychedelics and they had all different rooms that they would, you know, practice different rituals in. And it's well known that there was a deep, deep history in Mexico of psychedelic mushroom use. So it's not surprising that when

you do mushrooms and especially if you do mushrooms that you buy in California, you know, I mean, you're, you're probably getting the same strains that the Mayans got. I mean, you're probably getting those, those Mexican mushrooms Mayans got. I mean, you're probably getting those Mexican mushrooms. And you see all sorts of weird Mayan symbols. It's almost like what you're doing is you're somehow or another tapping into their, the past people's psychedelic experiences. Obviously, this is all just speculative. When are we all going to go eat shrooms? Me, us three.

We should do it. We should just go fucking on the beach somewhere. As long as they don't have psilocybin in them. I'd eat mushrooms with you guys psilocybin what do you mean that's what makes you trip as long as they don't have psilocybin in them i was talking to shiitake i don't want to announce eating mushrooms to 500 billion people of which by now at least 3 000 are police officers intently listening with a notepad they just said they're going to the beach it's just as ridiculous that mushrooms are illegal as Monsanto trying to patent a pig.

It's just as ridiculous. How the fuck is one person going to tell you that some spore of a fucking plant, a living organism, by the way, which is actually closer to a human than plants are to humans. Spores are closer to us than... Well, because they

eat organic matter yeah but dude how fucking crazy it's not just that someone feels okay like the enforcing the law if you eat those fucking things that make you see some kind of weird transcendental language that the mayans were trying to copy down that's what i think i think they were seeing a language and they're like all right this is the best way we can replicate this weird language that we are seeing i think that's what happens it could be but yeah to think that something that produces like that effect there are people right now in federal fucking penitentiaries right now laying in a cot in a federal penitentiary listening to fucking white aryan resistance murderers jerking off oh oh oh just because you wanted to fucking see the mothership for a second you're three doors down from a guy

who fisted a six-year-old what the fuck i know how is that possible i don't well actually you know non-violent drug offenders don't get locked up in the same place as people that fist six-year-olds but i know what you're saying just the fact that they're in a cage at all. I mean, maybe you do once you get in there and one of the fucking Hispanic guys wants to fight with you and you stab him in the neck and you wind up getting a murder rap on top of it, which happens. It happens to nonviolent drug offenders. They wind up getting much deeper penalties for something they do while they're actually in prison. Dude, my friend got a DUI, went to fucking county jail.

His jaw was broken within six minutes. It was like a Saturday night and there were gangbangers there. He had to take a piss. They wouldn't let him get to the toilet. He's like, I've got a piss. And they just were like, what did you say? What? Boom.

Broke his fucking jaw. For what? Because he fucking drove from a club after one extra beer? That's insane. Fuck that. You shouldn't be lumped up in the same group of people. But, you know, then again, what if your friend slammed into a fucking car and killed someone's kid? Well, yeah.

I mean, obviously, you don't know how drunk he was, and I'm just guessing. But it's the same thing. You know, yeah, I understand. You shouldn't drive drunk, and God knows, like, I'm not saying drive drunk. Well, he won't do that again, right? I'm just saying that's not the, yeah, well, I don't know. Well, did you get raped? Well, you shouldn't have had that beer. Yeah. That's what you get. I guess that's what you get. It's so fucked up, man. It's, well, I don't, you know, I definitely

think that people should be penalized for, for putting other people in danger because they're drunk and irresponsible. But when it comes to things like mushrooms, it comes to, you know, psychedelic experiences and the idea that you can make any sort of plant that grows here or fungus that grows here naturally, it's a part of the ecosystem already, way before we invented any law. This is fucking completely ridiculous,

especially when you look at all the stuff that is legal and all the stuff that can kill you and all the stuff that you could buy at any store. It's completely silly. There's no logic behind it. It's not like this is a rational decision. You're obviously deciding what I can and can't do. You're deciding what kind of experiences I have,

and there's no science behind it. This is not 1950. You can't pull some McCarthyism bullshit on me. I can get online, and I can say, well, look, no one's died from psilocybin. How come psilocybin is illegal? Well, look, here I can show you a thousand different people that will tell you that they've got over post-traumatic stress disorder. They've gotten over addictions.

They've gotten over all these things because of psychedelic experiences. And you're telling me that it's illegal. You're telling me that it's bad. Well, why is it bad? Here's the deal with anything. with anything. Whenever there's something that people can benefit from and people have all these stories about and people, there's, there's, there's an area to explore and someone's keeping you from doing that and trying to lock you in jail. If you do do that, they're the fucking criminals. They're the monsters. They are the fucking criminals of the human race. You are putting a crime on people.

You are literally stopping people from evolving. Yep. Those are the fucking demons, man. Stop doing it, Duncan. I like to put people in jail. Duncan's all about constricting. I love it. There's nothing I love more than having a mushroom addict in the back of my squad car.

We're going to have to explore ball gags and whips someday with you. Oh, yeah. Diapers. I remember when the... Diapers. Do you remember coming up and saying that to me? That's hilarious. Ball gags, dog.

All right. Just kidding. I won't say it. Hey, we talked to Steve-O today, and he's completely sober now. He stopped smoking cigarettes, stopped drinking. He said he was doing so much drugs the last couple years of his life, there was people walking around his house that didn't exist. That's how bad it got.

But now he's just quit everything and now is vegan. Isn't that crazy to you to think that somebody that gets in a toilet with shit is so concerned about his health that he's eating vegan and not on anything? Well, yes, he's probably realizing how silly his life was. And he's putting himself back in line. It's like, well, what's the logical step to put yourself as far in line as you can and go vegetarian and vegan? There's a guy named John Fitch that fought in this last UFC,

and he had a vegan diet. I thought it was really interesting. I wanted to see how he did. He wound up winning. He beat BJ Penn. No, I'm sorry. He didn't beat BJ Penn. It was a draw, but he won the final round. His cardio was really good it was really solid he was talking about his

cardio was like off the charts now you know but he lost weight refight they just have to refight i don't know they have to decide now they have to figure out what the fuck to do you know because uh this was for the number one contender spot and you know fitch is still pushing you know after the post-fight interview his coach was like you know, Fitch is still pushing. You know, after the post-fight interview, his coach was like, you know, ask for a title shot. And I'm like, man, you can't ask for a title shot after you get off of a draw. It's just, like, too tough to sell. What did you think was going on with that fight?

Who did you think won? A draw could be expected. It depends on how you score the third round. The third round was a pretty decisive victory for Fitch. Some people thought that was a 10-8 round. You know, I'm not really – it depends on how you use 10-8 rounds. Because the 10-8 round, the system that they use now, I think it's like they don't give out enough 10-8 rounds.

But you have to decide when is it a 10-8 round. When you're inside a guy's guard and you just punch him to the body and to the head, I'm not sure if that's a 10-8 round. I could see it argued. But BJ, I thought, won the first two rounds. But those were very close, too. I could see it argued. The Fitch did, too. Fitch won one of them.

Because, you know, BJ got his back. BJ took him down. BJ got his back. But then he lost position and Fitch got on top of him. So the question is, like, well, what's worth more? Is it worth more to take a guy down and to get a dominant position where you're close to finishing a fight but then losing it and getting reversed and wind up being your guard

with the guy on top of you throwing punches? Is that better or is it better to take the guys back? What's worth more on points? Well, that's a subjective thing, you know, so it's tricky. I could see the first two rounds score for BJ and I could see someone scoring one of them for Fitch and I could also see the third round, rather, being 10-8. So I could see a draw.

We were split, too, when we were watching it. It's tricky, man. It's tricky. I mean, BJ's a bad motherfucker, but split too when we were watching it. It's tricky, man. It's tricky. I mean, BJ's a bad motherfucker, but he's small for that weight class. When he's fighting, he's weighing 166 with his pants on, and he's fighting Fitch. But this is the thing about Fitch, the reason why I brought this up. He was at one point in time like 200 pounds, and he would cut down to 170. But now he's like all organic and vegan, and he's wearing around 180,

which is really light for him, and then dropping a little little weight but his cardio is like way better now too i've entertained trying like a serious vegan diet for a while me too but you know i heard like travis barker after he crashed in that plane and he had to get skin grafts and shit like that they didn't take until he started eating meat and he like stopped being a vegan in his recovery from that. He was a vegan before that. And then, you know, when he started eating red meat, then all of a sudden like his healing like went through the roof. Whenever I eat vegan food at a vegan restaurant, I fucking love it. Oh, swingers.

I think if I could make this myself, I wouldn't want to eat. I wouldn't care about it. Well, you could make it yourself easily. It's a pain in the ass. It's a pain in the ass. I could be wrong. With our friend, when I dated her, it was like having to go to certain restaurants, having to do all this bullshit. She's not even a vegan anymore now.

She gave up? Yeah, she eats vegan here and there. Isn't meat just fucking filled with hormones right now? Some meat is. It depends on where you're getting it. Free range. You want free range organic meat. You want grass fed too. I and you want grass-fed, too.

I prefer the taste of grass-fed. There's a discussion that Ari and I actually had on the podcast on a plane, the difference between grass-fed and grain-fed beef. Beef is not natural for them to be eating grain. They're not supposed to eat corn. We give them corn because it makes them fat as fuck, which makes the meat so delicious and tender when you cook it because there's all this fat bubbling up inside of it and you know and melting and just gets awesome like a big fat fucking

grain fed steak you know it's just so just melts in your mouth but the reality is they're supposed to be eating grass and when you you taste grass-fed beef it has a distinctly different flavor i prefer it but i like game i like eating like i like i like venison and elk i like eating like those meats. I have, like, my theories about that shit. I feel like anything that's tough to catch is easy, or tough to catch, rather, is really good for you. And things that are easy to catch, like cows, you can just walk right up to a cow and shoot them in the fucking head. They're stupid, you know?

Like, you'll shoot a cow in the head and a cow right next to him will be like, meh. He doesn't even freak out and go, holy fuck. But, like, you try to shoot a pig pigs will run from you man pigs you know like and wild pigs like wild boar very good for you cows are fucking sweet creatures yeah well they're they're cows they're cattle you know i mean the idea of cattle like being like at our mercy you know like like you know they're like they're like you know like in india how like they worship cows so So in India, like in the streets, there are these cows that have just been being petted by people like dogs. They are fucking sweet.

Don't you think, though, that that docile behavior has been engineered through through years of breeding for for them to be, you know, farm animals for them to be used? Well, they're to be killed. It's an unnatural thing for people to just walk right up to an animal and be able to pet it. People are creepy fucks. You have to engineer an animal to be that docile. Yeah, it comes from a long relationship with humans, for sure.

Wild cows and shit like that, they don't have that sort of... Are there wild cows? What the fuck am I talking about? There must have been at some point in time. It must have been wild, right? Well, cows are so valuable, very few of them been wild, right? I'm sure there still is. Well, cows are so valuable. Very few of them are wild, right?

No, no. Cows aren't valuable, are they? Like, is there like, wait. Cows are very valuable. Really? Cows are worth a lot of money, sure. Cows are worth a lot of money. Of course, man. Steak is expensive.

I would think that cows are a dime or a dozen. How much would it cost to buy a cow? That's a good question. I think. Look it up, man. I would love to do that, man. I would love to have my own farm someday and just have animals that, you know, you know what they're feeding, you know what you're feeding them rather. Yeah. If you're going to eat them, you know how they're treated. You know that it's all humane.

Dude, I think about that. My that my dream idea of that, which is like this crazy place out in the woods with solar panels where where the majority of your electricity or all of it is coming from the sun and you're feeding yourself from this place that's feasible here yeah it's feasible but it's like so like so much work to run a farm it's insane yeah it's not like either or either you have like people working for you and doing it or if you're involved in it you're just there's no there's you just work all day and sleep and you wake up and work all day and sleep. Yeah. You, you, you, but you can be self-sustaining, which is very, you know, rewarding for a lot of people. The idea that you grow all your own food, you grow all your own vegetables and you grow your own animals as well. But yeah, you can hire a few people to run. I mean, if you just wanted a farm only for your

family's sustenance, you know, that's kind of an interesting theory. An interesting sort of a concept. Set up a farm where all the vegetables that you grow are vegetables that you eat. And then I guess in the wintertime you can them or something. Or you have a greenhouse or something. You can them. Looks like cows are about a thousand bucks. Thousand bucks for a cow. That's a bargain.

Think about all the meat on that thing. So you can either buy two cows or buy the new MacBook. Oh, fucking new MacBook all the meat on that thing. So you can either buy two cows or buy the new MacBook. Oh, fucking new MacBook all the way. You guys, well, let's end on this because you guys are fucking goofy Mac heads as I'm on. iPad 2 in two days. What is the deal with these MacBooks that you guys

keep ranting about? They just look fucking amazing. They look amazing? Well, the biggest thing is the new technology, the Thunderbolt technology, which is like 10 gigabytes per second. Is that what they call it, Thunderbolt? Yeah. There's a phone called the Thunderbolt 2 that which is like 10 gigabytes per second. There's a phone called the Thunderbolt, too, that's out now, right? Who copied off who? It's 10 gigabytes per second.

So what that means is live, like you're pretty much going to be able to hook up an external hard drive and edit HD video easily and run multiple streams of, you know, it's going to help video editing and transferring files. Nowadays, when you want to back up your computer, gigabytes a second come on that's incredible insane and it has hd video cameras now uh also a bigger solid state drive you can get up to what was it everybody everybody's gonna think you got sponsored by mac well and we already do we have we use the laptops that have the big apple logo on it was like one of the people that tried to sponsor us who was like asking, like, does Apple pay you? You guys have Apple out there. I wish Apple please sponsor us.

But it was like quad cores. That's 50 times faster than the last bit of MacBooks. 50 times? Yeah. Some of the early benchmarks are showing anywhere from the 13-inch model being about 12% faster to, to up to 53% faster. Oh, okay. That's not 50 times.

No, no, 50. I'm sorry. 50%. I meant 50%. Sorry. Yeah.

Jesus. Quad core, you know, double core, quad core. That's pretty interesting. So that would be what you would need if you were doing video rendering and shit like that.

But for most people, what the fuck? It was just a matter of transferring things. Well, even, I mean, have you noticed even, I don't know on your laptop

But I know in this one like fucking YouTube or YouTube videos or any kind of HD video still is struggling Even though this is a pretty fast laptop. It's still struggles. It's a graphics card, right? it's mostly the graphics card and in just the fucking shitty flash and The video card that needs new ones have video cards up to one gigabyte now Which is crazy and they switch switched from NVIDIA, which has been having a lot of problems with the MacBooks lately, with overheating and problems with them. Now they

switched back to AMD or whatever. See, this is interesting to me. It's exciting, but not that exciting. I need some new shit. I need some next level shit. Just transferring gigabytes real quick, that's all good and everything like that. But what is the next thing that a fucking computer is going to do that's really going to blow you away?

It's not going to be that. I think if we're going more towards tablet, more towards projection. No, it's that fucking computer that just beat people at Jeopardy. Yeah. No, seriously. It used to be like a computer that could play chess and beat people was a big deal now everyone has a computer that can beat you at chess eventually like the next thing you're talking about is like interactive surfaces where you tell it exactly what you want i'm actually more excited about this ipad 2 announcement march 2nd which is

supposedly going to have cameras in the front and back pretty so that's going to change the whole thing with being able to do facetime and watching you stream now you can be able to use stream from your ipad this is this is what's really trippy quantum computing that's the really weird shit because first of all try to wrap your head around what a quantum computer really is you have to really kind of understand what the idea behind quantum mechanics and what it basically is is this is how it's listed in wikipedia a device for computation that makes direct use of quantum mechanical phenomena such as superposition and entanglement and if you don't know what that means superposition means that an

object can be both moving and still at the same time i mean the the you get into the idea of quantum mechanics you get into like that's weird voodoo shit things that particles that subatomic particles that blink in and out of existence and the idea of it being able to be affected by the user. I mean, those are all quantum mechanical ideas. Talk about quantum entanglement because that really is voodoo shit. And that's a computer. Quantum entanglement is, as I understand it, is the idea that if you take two particles and put them together and then move them apart, right, they still are somehow connected and you can transfer information down that

line. It's one of those things where I talk about it. I say what I've heard said, but I don't know what it means. You know what I mean? Like I'm talking about superpositions and I'm talking about entanglement and I'm saying all those things, but I mean,

what, what, you know, all I'm doing is making the right noises with my mouth. You know, my brain barely makes the connection to what the fuck that truly means. My connection is just this rudimentary thing where I think of like two round things that have what appear to be a really long hair attaching them or something. Like when you, like the idea that you, that things just kind of like have some invisible or tiny relationship that just stretches apart. But the reason I say that's voodoo or witchcraft is because it's like Rosemary's baby.

Remember the guy called and he was missing his glove? Like one of the things witches are always trying to do is steal a little piece of you. Get your hair. And if quantum entanglement's true, then that would mean that there's some connection between you and the thing that came from you that they could start shooting bad energy down that line whoa holy shit so all that stuff's kind of real they just didn't have the words for it well i always thought about alchemy like the idea of alchemy like what you know when people are trying to make gold out of lead and using magic and all sorts of different things like where is it what's what's that is that is that i mean if if we really do break down things as far as their elemental structure and we really under is it possible to

turn lead into gold someday is someone going to be able to adjust you know what what the the molecules that the differentiate between gold and lead and platinum and silver. Is that possible? You can do it with diamonds. I mean, they're like the 3D printers, Jeff. Sort of, but diamonds, that's like you're smashing something with intense pressure and creating a new thing with it, but you're not turning something into something it's not. It's like a natural sort of metamorphosis, right?

Doesn't that make sense? Yeah. Because we know like what the the chain reaction that causes diamonds we or the chemical reaction the pressure and carbon and millions of years or you know some crazy fucking thing that the russians invent that makes diamonds out of nothing well have you ever heard the idea that alchemy was code for a secret society that was trying to teach people to become enlightened through science and that the idea yeah lead into gold the idea of the transmutation of lead into gold they didn't really

even though that it was a focus of alchemy there was a deeper level which was the idea that they're talking about the transformation of the human consciousness from going to a useless, empty robotic state to a fully realized state. And once you go to that state, you don't care if something's gold. You don't care about the material universe doesn't mean anything anymore. I'd never heard that before. I'd always heard it just described as someone trying to manipulate one form of matter to turn it into something more valuable. There's a great movie by this guy and it's fucking trippy, dude.

You know, Joe Dorowski, has you ever heard of him? No. How do you say his name? Dorowski? Joe Dorowski. Oh, dude. J-O-D-O-R-O-S-K-Y. I'm going to spell it wrong. That's his last name. Joe Dorowski. His last name? Joe Dorowski. Alejandro Jodorowsky. And there's a movie that he made called The Holy Mountain.

Alejandro Jodorowsky. Yeah, look up Alejandro Jodorowsky. It's actually W-S-K-Y. J-O-D-O-R-O-W-S-K-Y. I think John Lennon paid for the movie The Holy Mountain. But like, check it out. It was like at the time he had this teacher who was telling him, well, while you're making this movie, just take as much LSD as you can. Always sound advice.

Check it out. It's on YouTube. Why don't you have a part of your website that has all these movies you recommend and all this shit? Because you always bring out this crazy shit out of nowhere. Yeah, dude. You should totally have that. I should have a little listing or something. You really should.

Throw it on your Amazon marketplace. You should. Yeah, well, you need to be more active with your web presence fella yeah you know i mean i got the podcast and i tweet yeah but your website you know which would be the one me i used to do a lot more work on it now until i've been uh working on this book i haven't been really writing i gotta update it man i i do i love your website by the way I put it on a couple computers at Apple the other day Homepaged it Is it artisticterrorism? No it's dunkintrussell.com

Artisticterrorism got yanked By me from some fucking Russian punks I didn't renew it And then the next thing I knew I went to artisticterrorism It's like some Russian site You can't get it back? No it's gone

It's pretty easy for that to happen that happens all the time a lot of people think it's their hosting that sounds like a name the guy who drowned himself in the bathtub would come up with artistic terrorism that was just a long time ago I worked at the comedy store

do you remember when you worked at the comedy store and I used to call you up and we'd have long ass fucking crazy conversations while you were working there? Yeah. That's how we got to be friends. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I used to know Duncan from Duncan hanging out there and then Duncan started working for the store and I would call up and Duncan and I would have long fucking bizarre conversations that would last for hours while you were working. Pretty much this would happen over the phone.

And Duncan, here's proof that Duncan practices what he preaches. When he was working at the comedy store, that's when the Pauly Shore reality show came around. Oh, yeah. And everybody else went along with it. And Duncan's like, you know what? I don't want to be a part of this. And you quit. I quit.

Yeah, you'd have an option. I didn't want to be a part of this. And you quit. I quit. Yeah. You'd have an option. I didn't want to be on that show. Well, man, what, what started happening is like, it seemed like, you know,

there were, he was talking about trying to make a show happen. And, uh, you know, and then the show started happening for real. And all of a sudden I couldn't sleep at night and I was grinding my teeth. Whoa. Cause the idea of having to be on this reality show and like i was i would

wake up and my teeth would be grinding and i'd be like oh and this fucking feeling the pit of my stomach like oh no this is it this is how you're gonna because i didn't know at the time i was like fuck this what if the show takes off what if you're the you're the you're the fucking guy who works with paulie at the comedy store you're're not a comedian. You're just a guy behind a desk answering the phone from Mitzi. It was just like the most humiliating. It would have been the worst thing ever. I gave you props.

That was cool that he did that. You really had a reaction to it. A very strong reaction. Which a lot of people wouldn't because this was an opportunity for you to get on television. I'm going to get on TV. Ooh, I got to get on TV. I just got to get in front of those cameras at all costs. Do you think you could have done Fear Factor? What do you mean? If someone came up to you and said, Hey, Duncan, we have this show.

We want you to host Fear Factor. It's going to be this network reality show. I don't think, I don't think that would have been your, you might not have done. You might not have done it. You're a weird dude, man. You might have walked away from it. Let me explain the difference between, and by the way, because I do not want to come off like I'm some kind of like saint or self-righteous, like super, like my artistic integrity. Yeah, it wasn't just any reality show, by the way. You had worked there and saw the toxic environment that you were dealing with for a long time and then saw that the most toxic of all was in control of this this sort of project. And it was going down all the wrong paths. And, you know, you made a conscious decision.

I needed to weigh the fuck out of that job. It was a desk job. And like, you know, I needed to get the fuck out. And it was just like it seemed like a lot of things were aligning at the same time that gave me a way to move on instead of continuing in this job. By the way, it was like a job where I was tired of it. The guy who's the current talent coordinator was obviously really into the idea of having that job. Like for him, he wanted to do it. Whereas for me, it was like it had gotten to Like for him, he wanted to do it. Whereas for me,

it was like, it had gotten to the point where I wasn't inspired by it. And it was just seem like to continue on would be the ultimate hypocrisy and would, and would be a shitty move on every single level. It's interesting because a lot of people would have never thought about that way. They would have thought, well, here's an opportunity. I mean, honestly, me, me personally, I probably would have thought about it and said, well, you know, if I was working there, at least I'll get on television. This will give me an opportunity to, you know, maybe branch off and do other things, you know? Yeah. Well, you know, man, there's a, I've got a really like weird hang up, uh, when it comes to performance, which is that I think

that people, if they're performing for something that's making money, deserve to get paid for it. And so when I do our comedy show at the cemetery, Thursday, we pay. Oh, yeah, it's Thursday. We pay our comedians. We pay everyone who performs. And if I'm shooting something, even if it's something that I'm not getting paid for, if someone comes and is in a sketch I come up with, I pay them. Like I give them money because they drove out there and gave me their time and they fucking deserve it. Cause that's, I believe that you should be compensated for art. I think that it's one of the highest things ever. So another thing that was a little

off putting about that show is that I was clearly going to like, not, it wasn't just like they were going to film me at my desk doing my job. It was like, they wanted to create a heightened reality. You know what I mean? Which they wanted you to fake shit and follow a script. And so I brought, it was a bad script. And so I said, you know, well, what, what did I mean? For one, I was, I was, even then I was in a, after I was in a actor's union, it's like, so wait a minute, you're not going to pay me for union. It's like, so wait a minute.

You're not going to pay me for acting? You have to. I know that you're making money. Anyone who's acting and spending their time involved in this thing should be getting paid. They should get a little piece. But you weren't going to get paid. The producer said to me, absolutely not. No way. This is a documentary. We're shooting a documentary.

You're not. There's no payment involved. Wait a minute. Who is the producer? He was whoever was producing the show. They literally told you that you were going to be on the show and not get paid at all? Yeah. So you were going to be on TV making your salary from the comedy

store? Correct. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. So you were going to be on TV making your salary from the comedy store. Correct. Whoa. I didn't know that. Whoa. What a bunch of cunts. I did not know that at all. Yeah. Does that surprise you?

Giving the toxic environment that we were talking about where you knew about comics opening for him and not getting paid and all sorts of other shit. Yeah, you're doing it for the store, buddy. Well, no, that's the, see, and that's the problem about that attitude, which is in so many different aspects of society, which is where the artist is given the impression that they

are lucky to be doing their art in a certain place. Yes. That is fucking Satanism. That is fucking Satanism. That is not how it works, man. It's like, I don't care what the fucking place is. If it's a place that's making money and generating money off the artist, the artist is at the top of the fucking pyramid. That's just logic. If there's a fucking guy who makes beautiful cabinets, the most beautiful cabinets in the world, that guy is not going to be to be like man I am so lucky to be in this workshop

where they let me make these cabinets no the comedy store is the worst case example of a place that thinks it's the star the place that thinks it's what's important well let me just say it's changed a lot lately yeah it has

it's a totally different place I have to stick up for the place because I well I go up there regularly. The comics kind of took it back. The comics kind of took it back. But that's not just it. How is that possible?

Honestly, the place is under... Isn't Dean still the manager? I never see him there anymore. The place has undergone a fucking geologic shift. They're putting on really good acts right now. It's fucking packed all the time. It's got a really exciting good vibe there. And that period

of stagnation and weirdness that when you, which made you, which drove you out, that's long gone. Really? Yes! So what do you think killed that? Mencia not being around anymore? I wouldn't... What changed it? Because he's still welcome to go there, right? Mencia? Yeah, he can still go there right mencia yeah he can still

go there and i don't know how many times he wants i don't i think he has to call in now where he i think sarah silverman just went up there she's there all the time every time i go in there i'm like what the fuck it's generally just like burgeoning like you know what it seems like it seems like the management kind of took a step a couple steps back i don't know if they were told to or that they just kind of got bored of trying that are doing podcasts now in front of live audiences. And it's a way of generating revenue for the podcast, but they're not paying the people that are guests on the podcast, you know, and one invited me and I'm not going to name any names, but invited me to go and be on one of their podcasts in front of a live audience. And I said, no, you know what, you know, one's getting paid, you getting paid. Someone's going to drive an hour away.

And I've done this before, by the way, because it's an opportunity to go and be on something and have some fun and network with all these other people that are doing these things. But at a certain point in time, you're like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. How much do you charge? It costs $20 to get in or $30 to get in And you've got 500 people in here What's going on here? Is this a comedy show? Because if it's a comedy show Then it makes sense

That you're the headliner But you have to pay the opening act Of course You've got to pay the middle act You've got to pay everyone Who performs on your show You know With the bandwidth though

That podcasts have been Racking up on some people Like what was Adam Carolla Saying that he was paying Up to $5,000 a month I think he said $10,000 $10,000 a month I mean that shit's real shit, man.

That fucking bandwidth. Podcasts are usually about 100 megabytes each. He times that by, I don't know, a couple hundred thousand people. That's ridiculous. Yes, but you know what? Guess what? How much does it benefit those comics to be on the show? It benefits them a bit, but it definitely benefits the person who's running the podcast

to have a star on their podcast. If you're going to do it in front of a live audience so it's a weird situation right now it's like it's a weird dynamic it almost feels like we need a union to step in it's like what's i mean how can you do that there's just a basic logic um that should go behind if you're making a show if you're producing a show there if you're producing a show, there's just a basic logic. The basic logic is the performers are the heart of the show. If you're making money, you have to compensate them. That's just logic. You're not doing them a favor by letting them perform. Well, you are kind of a little bit because you're giving them exposure.

Think about every time you come on this show. I mean, this show, obviously, we're not getting paid except for the sponsor. And the sponsor basically, it's all gone. I mean, the sponsor pays for bandwidth and Brian and a bunch of other things and it's all gone, but you, you get on a show like this and for sure it, it elevates you and makes people aware of you. But then on the other hand, the show's way better when you're on, like it, it benefits us too. Like that used to bother me a lot about like radio shows where like someone would say something douchey about someone and the person wouldn't want to do the show anymore.

And they would say, hey, didn't we help you? Didn't we help you out? Yeah, but you can look at it that way, but you can also look at it like you need to have funny people on your show for your show to be good. You should be happy they go on. It shouldn't, you know? Here's the difference, man.

This show, for one, I've made a fortune in fleshlights. I've got so fucking many. And the other thing about it is we're friends, and there's no sense of, like, you're lucky to be here. This is the best venue for you, though, man. This is the best opportunity that people have ever had to get a look at what's special about you and weird about you to have these long ass two and a half plus

hour conversations we get into weird depth about shit but people get a chance to see your personality in a way you would never get exposed to on a talk show there's no way in some seven minute clip on you know name the show you know i don't know. Jimmy Fallon name, you know, whatever the show is. Yeah. Any of those shows. What are you going to do? You're going to talk about something for seven minutes. You mean sitting at the desk?

You don't know people, you know, the way people know us from doing the show, they know you in a deep, deep way that really there's no other opportunity to get this close to people this close to the workings of the mind. Dude, I have fucking still ongoing conversations happening on Facebook with people from this podcast who like, I'll tell them something crazy and then they'll email me like the most insane, subversive fucking video or just like really crazy shit. Sometimes I can't go on Facebook if I'm too stoned

because I'll start getting paranoid because there'll be some heavy-duty, weird fucking shit up there. Yeah. Well, you know what, man? This is what's going on. This is what's going on. We are connecting with like-minded people in a way that's never been available before, and it's starting a network.

It's not just a network with podcasts, with the Death Squad podcast and yours, The Lavender Hour. It's that, but it's also a network with all these fucking people on facebook and all these people on twitter and these people that i met in australia that came to the show and these people that are i've got a show this weekend or this week rather uh wednesday night yeah wednesday night i'm at the louisville kentucky improv that's my next gig and that's another one this is all promoted just strictly straight from from twitter you're gonna have fun there man i'm sure we're gonna have fun we have fun everywhere and that's the deal i mean i have fun in australia i have fun we we're bringing these people all

together and people are getting connected and there's a movement going on yeah there's a movement of the mind there's this is an opportunity for people to find and connect with like-minded people about things that they thought were interesting that fucking was not available just a year ago. It was not available two years ago or three years ago. It's like this new thought, this new hive mind that's being created. And I'm not taking responsibility for it. It's creating itself. It's always been things that I've always been interested in.

And it's always been things that you've always been interested in. But it's refining and altering the way that I think about the world because I'll say, yes, I'll obviously say some pretty stupid shit that I haven't thought about. And I'll get an email or, or, or five Facebook messages correcting whatever fact. And usually very politely. Usually. Yeah. Very politely. And it's just like, oh, okay. Oh. And then, and then I'll find myself walking the next day, like walking my dog and just thinking about that way, my new version of the universe. Absolutely. And that's evolution.

Yes. That's what that is. Yes. It's ours. It's theirs. I've said this many times and I've talked to a bunch of people that have said they don't know anybody like us. They don't ever have the chance to have these opportunities to have these conversations with people that are near them. But they get to sit in on these conversations, and it's changing the way they think.

Well, it changes the way I think, too, because we're having these conversations on a really regular basis where we know we're broadcasting them. So we know a lot of the shit we say. We have to check it. We have to correct it. We have to do some Google searching. We have to consider our options, consider the contrary argument. And then we'll get all sorts of different cool comments and different links and different things. Here's another thing that they're doing on my message board. Every time there's a podcast,

they'll start a thread where they analyze the podcast as it goes along, and then they'll put links up and videos up to things that we're talking about. It's fucking amazing, man. And it's all natural. It's all just a natural occurrence. It's all just grown out of interest and it spreads and then people contribute to it and then it gets larger and larger. I mean, it really is. There's a hive mine. It's going on, bitches. It's going

on right now and that's how we're going to end this fucking thing. Can I say something I've got coming up? No! No plugs! Capitalism boy! Comedy is dead. Yes, when is it? This Thursday. We've got coming up? No! No plugs! Capitalism boy! Comedy is dead. Yes, when is it? This Thursday. We've got this gay this gay. And it's at a funeral, by the way. It's at a cemetery. Comedy is dead. It's at the

Hollywood Forever Cemetery. It's at a live funeral. Occasionally someone will die on stage. It's in a Masonic Lodge at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and this... What's the address? 6,000 Santa Monica Boulevard. And we've got Neil Hamburger. If you haven't seen him, you have to see him. But this

guy I'm really excited about. We have Mary Lynn Rice Cub from 24. And we've got this guy I'm super excited about. Give her that book I just gave you. You should read that on stage. Shut up! There's a guy named Kay Stross, who's the yo-yo guy who invaded all these TV stations in the Midwest. Oh, I saw that.

And he's going to be performing on the show. Well, explain that real quick. This will be the end. Because this guy, he went on these shows and pretended that he knows how to do the yo-yo for kids. He did a character on these morning shows. He apparently, you could just send them a letter and say, I'm traveling through schools doing environmental lessons and using yo-yos to do it. And it kind of seems like a nice, feel-good story. And so they invite him in.

He's wearing this ridiculous outfit. He's a character actor on the level with like when Kaufman would do his stuff. He's that character actor on the level with like when Kaufman would do his stuff. He's that fucking good. And he's this addled guy who comes on stage with a yo-yo and doesn't really get to the yo-yo. They finally end up having to ask him to do it. And every time they ask him to do it, something awful goes wrong. The yo-yo breaks. He can't yo-yo.

He's terribly yo-yoing. And he just leaves them hanging every time. Well, it's awkward and they want to make him feel better, but he's clearly out of it. It's all on YouTube. What's his name again? K-Stross. S-T-R-A-S-S. The yo-yo guy.

K-Stross? K-Stross. The letter K? K, yeah. The letter K and then S-T-R-A-S-S, the yo-yo guy. K-Stross? K-Stress. The letter K? K, yeah. The letter K and then S-T-R-A-U-S-S? S-T-R-A-S-S. A-S-S? Yeah.

And what is he going to do at your show? He's got a show based around, the character is going to, his character will be there and he does a yo-yo show for everybody. So it's basically the same thing? It's like, sort of? Well, you don't know, right? Well, no, I saw him do it. Has he been doing stand-up or is he just doing this kind of weird performance art thing?

He just does this performance art. How long has he been doing it? He's obviously been doing some form of character comedy for a while because he's too good at it to not have fucking practiced a lot. Or he could be crazy, right? I've met him. He's not. He's a super nice guy.

He's like a really cool level. Is he on drugs? No. Is he on Charlie Sheen he on charlie sheen do you want to hear a little bit of what case no no we're done yes this fucking thing's been gone for three hours now um uh thank you duncan trussell for coming on you're the man you're always no i shouldn't even say you're the man you're fascinating man fascinating human being one of my best friends and i'm honored that you know you can be my friend and come on the podcast

you're cool as fuck and it's awesome having you on here and lavender hour you can be my friend and come on the podcast. You're cool as fuck, and it's awesome having you on here. And Lavender Hour, you can download off iTunes. And you guys have a website? LavenderHour.com. And it's him and Natasha Leggero. Leggero. Leggero. And it's a very, very funny podcast.

Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring the show. If you go to JoeRogan.net and click the link and enter in the code name Rogan, you get 15% off. Louisville Improv, I don't know if there's tickets still available. There wasn't very many left. But it's this Wednesday night with me and my man Tom Segura. Shit's jumping off. And then we'll be back at Sal's Comedy Hole next Wednesday. And we'll also have a couple podcasts next week.

I've got a couple of good things cooking. So Brian Callen will be on this Friday, so that'll be the next one. And I'll also put up the podcast on a plane with Ari Shafir. All right, that's it, bitches. That's the end of this fantastic podcast episode. And listen to our Steve-O podcast over at the Death Squad and our Blackout. Yeah, don't listen to the Blackout one. The UFC Blackout and the Super Blackout. Yeah, the UFC Blackout maybe, that Super Blackout one ufc blackout and the super black yeah the ufc blackout

maybe that super blackout one i'm gonna step in and intervene joe you gotta listen to it at least before you judge it it's hilarious seriously he gets drunk with crazy broads and like literally they get hammered and slobber over each other and threaten to kill each other why would anyone want to watch that all right folks yeah well if right, folks. Yeah, well, if you've got nothing to do, check it out. It sounds awesome. All right, bitches. We will see you soon on Friday,

and I'll see you crazy freaks in Louisville, Kentucky, and maybe I can talk you out of escaping or creating something better in Louisville. Bye. Maybe a bit of anarchy. All right. Thank you. I'm on Charlie Sheen.

I'm on Charlie Sheen.