The Joe Rogan Experience - #85 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: March 1, 2011

This episode is only available as audio. Joe sits down with Ari Shaffir.

This special edition of the Joe Rogan Experience, like all of the episodes of the podcast, is sponsored by the number one male sex toy, the Fleshlight. If you go to joerogan.net, click on the banner on the right side that says Fleshlight. And if you buy something, use the coupon code ROGAN to save you 15%. The Joe Rogan Experience. the joke and experience ladies and gentlemen live on a live on a plane productions presents

the second edition of podcast on a planeane Productions presents the second edition of Podcast on a Plane. I'm here with my man, the one and only Mr. Ari Shafir. How are you? We are on a plane coming back from Sydney, Australia to LA. It's going to take us 12 hours in space. Yeah.

It was a fun trip. We had a great fucking time. Yeah. It was awesome. Sydney was pretty badass. We put on an impromptu show last night. That was the highlight of the trip. That was kind of fun. Yeah. That was the highlight of the trip. After, if no one was there, after we did two shows, like an hour outside of Sydney, and then they had the UFC. The UFC ended at like 5. So we were like, let's just do another show. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. And we did this show in's just do another show. Yeah, why not?

And we did this show in Rudy Hill which is like about an hour outside of Sydney. And there was you know, it's like quite a haul. There's a lot of people I'm sure that didn't want to make that trip. You know, we didn't have the opportunity to do like a

place in Sydney itself. So to do that on Sunday night, it was pretty badass. And do it after the fights, it was fun. And we're both in the same spot where it's like, I'm so tired, why did we do this? Worn out. Yeah. But then it's like, oh, yeah, stand up.

That's what we liked about it. Yeah, and then when we got there, everybody was really cool. It was a fun crowd. It was enthusiastic. And everybody realized that this was kind of a crazy thing, that we were all a part of some crazy thing we all pulled together in a couple of hours. It was 12 hours. I called Jules at 9am and we had a show at 8.

That's 11 hours later. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. And we did it all through Twitter. That's all I did. I put it on my message board too. But Twitter is where it's at at it's a crazy little technological device it's nuts man

you fill a comedy club up in a few hours you get back up on a dark night they're never open on Sunday the fact that you can do that it's so cool that you can just fucking reach out to people like that Dana White is really into that he uses that a lot with the UFC

with tickets i've always thought of going down into his little um he's a scavenger hunt you know oh does he do that yeah like if anyone could find me i'm in somewhere in century city and then i'll be like i'm at the old navy and whoever reports find it like two free tickets yeah wow it makes it very easy to stalk him super easy to stalk dana white's super easy to stalk Dana White. Dana White's like the easiest stalking target ever. Wow, that's funny. Yeah, well, it's an amazing social networking tool, you know, that you can actually do that.

There's never been a time in history where, you know, a guy like you, an independent comedian, can, you know, put together a Twitter list of, you know of 20,000, 30,000 people, and out of that, in any given city, there's going to be a couple hundred who say, hey, I'm doing a show. And 200 people from Austin, show about your show. It's really that simple. It's an amazing way of connecting to people. Yeah, you told me that last week in Brea.

You couldn't figure out what Chris Rock, what movie that was from, that he was in, that he asked for a picture of. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're like, put it on Twitter. Chris Rock, what movie that was from, that he was in, that he asked for. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're like, put it on Twitter. They'll tell you. Immediately, they'll tell you. Yeah. We were asking about, there was a Chris Rock bit that he used to do in his act that he did in a movie.

We couldn't figure out what movie it was. He wanted to do his bargaining. Let me get one rib. Yeah. Come for one rib. Yeah. Just give me a little bit of help. Yeah.

So we put it on Twitter, and seconds later, it's amazing. It's like 12 right answers, and someone else was wrong, and then 14 more right answers. Crazy. People are just happy to help out. That's all you have to do is throw it out there, man. There's never been a time like this. Every other comedian, every other generation,

needed radio stations, TV stations, and all that stuff still helps. But it's never been like this where you can just do it all on your own. Somebody, Nick Toon, was telling me once, generation needed radio stations, TV stations, and all that stuff still helps. But it's never been like this where you can just do it all on your own. Somebody, Nick Thune, was telling me once, he was like, they're going to move the big day for movies from Friday to Saturday in terms of industry, what it means to the overall, how much they're going to get. Because they said the social networking, everyone gets so fast. I'm sorry, they're going to forget Saturday and make it all Friday. Really? Because people get the word so fast.

It's like in real time, people are seeing it, and then the word is getting out. So if it sucks. Yeah, people will know immediately. It sucks, people will know immediately. And Saturday will be dead. It will be really good. Wow. That's an interesting thing, isn't it?

Because, I mean, how many times, like, back in the day, before there was, like, internet reviews, did you go see some shitty movie that you just got unlucky that nobody told you it sucked? Yeah, no one was around. Who else saw it? Nobody? Third Tom's brother saw it. It's amazing. When you look at movies,

just from a few decades ago, it's amazing how much social evolution you see. How much the movies of 20, 30 years ago, they're so bad, like so many of them are so awful, that you say there's no way people could not have realized it was this awful back then.

But here's the deal. They didn't. They didn't because things weren't, it wasn't the same standard of judgment back then. So you think we all got smarter or more interesting, and therefore that was interesting back then, but now we can no longer relate to it.

It's too simple. Movies are much more sophisticated now. We demand much more. We demand like, once you hit like a movie like Apocalypse Now, you can't ever go back to those 1950 stupid war movies

where it looked like they were on a set and those fake palm trees and shit and the acting sucked. They had to stay on a stage as long as they could run. Everybody's acting

was corny as fuck. It was never realistic, you know? Dude, I saw Rain Man. That's one of the movies that does Oscar things. Did you watch it? I watched it like a year ago for the first time.

It's horrible. It's terrible, yeah. It's like, it's such an over-the-top character. Yeah. Oh, he's got, I've got no ties to anyone. Yeah.

I'm clearly that guy. Let's set it up in the first five minutes. I know, right? It's like, ugh. It's terrible. Yeah. But it seemed awesome back then. Back then, that movie was a badass movie.

You know, something's happened. People have evolved. There's only a few movies that really hold up where you can watch them. A few blockbusters from the 80s especially, where you can watch them and go, yeah, this is still a pretty badass movie. But for the most part... Don't watch Star you want if you want to still love your childhood don't

watch star wars again it's so sad everybody's like why did star wars three and four why they suck so bad maybe because the first one sucked too yeah it just didn't suck back then haven't seen him in 25 years it didn't suck back then back then it't seen it in 25 years. It didn't suck back then. Back then it was awesome. Dude, I saw Star Wars 13 times when I was a kid. Really? Dude, I was a huge Star Wars fan. I went to see it over and over and over again. I would go with my friends. It was the first movie that I'd even heard of where people would talk about how many

times he had seen it. Oh, yeah. And we would have competitions. I had to be like, I've seen Star Wars 10 times. I saw it 13 times, man. Wow. I wouldn't stop going. It was amazing.

Oh, my God. I don't remember the last time I've seen a movie twice in a year. Yeah, it was ridiculous. Wow. I wouldn't stop going. It was amazing. Oh my god. I don't remember the last time I've seen a movie twice in a theater. Yeah, it was ridiculous. But it's childish behavior. Right. It's something that my daughter would do.

My two year old would do. But you love it every time. Yeah. It's not like you'd be tired of it. But there's something to it where you just, for some weird reason, you just want to watch it over and over and over again. Yeah. It's like, it's a spastic, retarded sort of a thing.

I said I was going to do that with Inception, but then I never did. With Inception? Really? I was like, oh, I've got to watch that again. But then I was like, no, I didn't. That movie was too much for me. There was too much going on. I thought it was a really interesting movie. They took a lot of chances, and there was a lot of unique thoughts in it.

The way they set up the environment where the sky could fold over itself and back down. That was brilliant. It was brilliant. Brilliant stuff. But there was too much of it. It was like, okay, this is like a dream. Because this is like working like a video game. Every time you point and shoot, the people go down. That's dumb to me.

I know I'm supposed to accept that this is a dream. It's hard with that dream within a dream stuff. Yeah. Where you're like, what does that mean? You lose me a little with that and time travel. You're always like, yeah. What happened me a little bit. That and time travel. You're always like, yeah. What happened there? And you can go back and forth.

You know what freaks me out, man? The idea of being able to transport something through the air. You know, because they're talking about like that Star Trek type shit. Remember transporters? Remember those things? They used to beam people up. It's the flood. Yeah, they're talking about that being a real possibility someday.

I mean, I think they've done it with like quantum objects. I think they've done it with, you know, with almost immeasurably small things. But I think they're really thinking that one day you're going to be able to transport matter from one place to another place.

And hope the power doesn't go out in the middle. Right. Wow. Yeah, that was always one episode of all the Star Treks where somebody got lost in the transport. Yeah, and that was it. He was gone. They didn't know where they middle. Right. Wow. Yeah, that was always one episode of all the Star Treks where somebody got lost in the transporter. Yeah, and that was it.

He was gone. They didn't know where they were. He was gone. Yeah. Or in some other dimension. That's so scary, dude. Woo! Do you think that would

happen in our lifetime? I don't know, man. I'm too stupid. I'm way too stupid to know. Yeah. You know, I would just be guessing it out on top of my ass.

You're like, yes. Yeah, who the fuck knows? I don't understand what it would take to do that. I don't understand how far they really are. The real question is once artificial intelligence starts taking over. That's the real thing. Because then things are going to happen so fast. There's going to be so much acceleration that, yeah, it could be within our lifetime.

Because what artificial intelligence is going to be is like, they're going to have a computer that can think much, much faster than a person and can think for itself. And then once it does that, if you decide to have this computer make new and better computers, it's going to make newer, better computers like instant. They're going to just like, they're going to instantly start creating and figuring out exactly how to do it. It's going to accelerate way past what we're capable of. So, you of so once that happens I made this thing on NPR the only reason I mentioned NPR I guess it seems smart but um but uh they were talking about supercomputers that beat this jeopardy guy oh yeah and the ones that

beat the jeopardy guys so and then the ones that beat the chess players back in the right 80s right big blue so it, is that what it was? Yeah, Big Blue. So he built this Big Blue to beat this chess player. And at first, I think Big Blue beat him. And the second match was either a stalemate or what's his name, beat Big Blue. But they said that not even a chess master, but a regular good chess player with a simple computer can beat Big Blue like every time. Wow. Yeah. Just something simple to calculate. I don't understand chess enough. with a Simple computer can be big blue like every time Wow. Yeah

Just something simple to calculate. I don't know I don't understand chess enough but I cut a lot of something but I would think it'd be any sort of Professional chess player. I watched some chess videos online the other day. Yeah, just for a goof I was I was online and just flipping through different YouTube videos, and I saw this speed chess video. So I watched these guys do it. Yeah, it was a world speed chess championship. It was pretty badass because the guy lost because he ran out of time. What, do you have a total amount of time total? Yeah, I think he had two minutes.

I think they have two minutes for the full game. And sometimes they're moving ridiculously fast. It's so exciting because it's got that added element of time to it. Somebody should put that on television now, I'm telling you. I barely know how to play chess. I know how the moves go. I know which way they move.

I know nothing. I take stupid chances. I get fucking checkmated all the time. What do you think about this? I'm too ADD to be... I'm not saying that I'm too ADD playing. Whenever I think about any game like chess, chess to me is just like pool. I'm scared of it. I'm scared of anything that I become massively addicted to.

And I see people that get addicted to chess. How it's turned addictive. Yeah. Yeah. It's an amazing game. It's an amazing game. It's an amazing game. It's completely compelling.

I don't have any more time for any more compelling shit in my life. I just don't. I can't get hooked on something else. Between jiu-jitsu and pool and comedy. Are you playing video games at all now? No, I won't let myself. You don't play? I don't let myself.

I don't allow myself to play video games. That's why I won't allow myself to go online with video games. Yes. Red Band's always trying to get me to go online. Good luck. We can play together. I'm like, when I buy a game now, when it's only story mode, you won't see me for two games. Yes. Red Band's always trying to get me to go online. Like, good luck, we can play together. I'm like, when I buy a game now, when it's only story mode,

you won't see me for two weeks. Yeah. Until I beat that game, I'm not pretty much going out. I've overslept spots. That's so crazy. Like, I've fallen asleep

at like 5 p.m. I mean, just crazy schedule. I overslept at 10.45 p.m. That is truly a comic's life right there. Yeah. You know, the fact that you could do that.

Do that and know how damaging it is, but still. It's so funny. Is that everybody, or do we have a certain personality flaw that makes us be addicted to things like that? I think it's also like we don't have any real responsibility. Right. I go on stage for myself and to get better overall. Right. But, I mean, if I just don't, I'll be in a little trouble, I guess, for skipping spots, but not really.

What is it about the games, though, that make you so addicted? I mean, it's really, we're in danger of someone coming up with an artificial reality that's way more fascinating than regular reality. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, nice. You know, I mean, could you imagine if they figured out some sort of a, you know, remember when you thought you'd be able to wear helmets and you'd be able to have a virtual reality helmet? Completely disappear. But that never panned out for some reason.

Yeah. That doesn't mean it can't pan out still. They can't, they might just figure out a way to do it just a year from now or something like that and it'll all come together. It's not like the idea was sort of ahead of the technology. But if they do come up with the technology that's in line with the idea and they come up with s***. Amazingly, ladies and gentlemen, this podcast on a plane almost never happened, folks. It almost fell apart because my iPhone ran out of room because I got a bunch of stupid movies on this thing.

So I had to unsync my movie collection because I like watching movies on this thing. So I had to unsync my movie collection because I like watching movies on my phone. So we were doing the podcast and even though it ran out of room, it still saved the file and uploaded it to iTunes and we were just shocked at how good that was.

We looked on the actual phone and it said this voice memo, zero seconds. We're like, fuck, it did not save it at all. We're like, maybe plug it in. Apple's really good at that usually like saving stuff that you just blew for some reason you know plug in your fucking they know we're idiots yeah I've done that before where I accidentally like let my power go out

while I was writing something and then you you go back to it and it's completely saved every time yeah I've never had nothing yeah it's amazing they're like would you like to revert like oh yes because i remember like windows 95 man i remember when you know when things just would just shut down in the middle of you working and that was it it was gone forever no everything you worked on was gone some files like what did you save don't you back up like shut the fuck up back. Remember when you have to back up on zip drives? Oh, yeah. Remember that? These fucking stupid one megabyte zip drives. Yeah.

One megabyte. It's amazing how... You can't get a song with one megabyte. I know. It's fucking crazy how, like, what was big just a little while ago ain't shit, you know? They have these little cool-ass keychains that are 32 gig USB drives. Gig. Yeah. Little gigabyte USB drives.

Little tiny things, man. Those little slide-in USB drives, they're so big now. They're like 30 gigs, 40 gigs even. My first computer that I still was using nine years ago was a three and a half gig and a six and a half gig. I added a six and a half gig to get it up to 10. I wonder what the biggest,

I wonder if there's a 64 gig like slide-in USB drive. What is the biggest? Oh, for slide-in? Yeah, those little tiny ones. I don't know. Little thumb drives? Yeah, I don't know.

I know there's... There must be something awesome out there for a release. It must be. The thing is, you just turn your back for a couple of weeks and they're, you know,

twice as big now. It's weird, you know? It's like the amount of data that you can save in a little tiny area now is so huge. It's weird. It's like the amount of data that you can save in a little tiny area now is so huge. 32 gigs. My phone is filled with shit.

It shut off. My first computer, the hard drive, was 4 gigabytes. 4. And this is 32 on a phone. Before you know it, it'll be 64. I'm hoping the is 32 on a phone. On a phone. You know? Well, I mean, before you know it, it'll be 64 on a phone. Well, it's one of the 64. I'm hoping the iPhone 5 has a 64.

I bet it will. They sell movies. Why would they? I mean, this is the reason why we have a problem. Because I have all these movies that I bought and it syncs up to it and it takes up space. That doesn't make sense for them like financially. You would think they would want to have as much room as they can. Yeah, another one and another one. Yeah, and have some. No, it would be nice to have as much room as they can. Yeah, put another one in another one.

It would be nice if you had a storage drive too. Like a little removable one. A little 64 gig removable one. Yeah, why not man? They have that in those Droid phones. Droid phones have removable ones. A lot of them do. And you'd be able to pass stuff from phone to phone. Yeah, yeah. That's what people don't like.

Yeah. But you know what? They're going to be able to pass stuff from phone to phone. They do that bump thing now. They do contacts just by being close.

Yeah. You can't do anything real big, I don't think. Yeah. You can't do like a big file yet. But yeah, you're right. That's just a matter of time.

And it's like people know how to pull things off the phone, put it on a computer and then just email it to you. I mean, remember when Apple got rid of floppy drives? Yes.

They said, we're just not having them. And they're like, what do you do? What do you mean? They're like, the technology will catch up. We should be done with these now. And then it did. You don't need them at all anymore. You needed a CD for a while, and now nothing.

Floppy drives are so stupid. They look like something from some 1950s science fiction movie. You know, a little disc that you stick in and there's data on the disc. What was it, one megabyte? Is that what it was? You get up to three, I think. Only like Word files, Word Perfect files. So what was it?

You get three? Really? Three gigabytes? Three megabytes? It might have been at the end, three megabytes. Maybe early on it was different. But there's a floppy floppy that would actually flop around. So what was a zip drive?

Was that like 100 megabytes then? The early ones? Maybe 25 megabytes, 50 megabytes? Yeah. 100? Something like you can get a lot of floppy disks on one. No one ever would have thought that you'd be able to have movies online. You could just download movies online.

Yeah. Nobody really thought that was going to happen. It was pretty quickly. Yeah. I just moved up to U-verse and it has made my illegal downloading so much easier. Oh yeah, AT&T U-verse? It's like boom, I'm going to get so much more stuff now. And you have, that makes your phone line, your TV... No phone, no TV. I don't do that.

You didn't get that? No. So you just went AT&T U-verse just for the internet? I got a TV just so I could get a special deal on the setup so they could waive installation. And then I immediately called and said, I don't want this. Wow. Yeah. So I got unhooked it. So you got no TV? No TV.

You're an animal, dude. Look at you. I have basic network channels up in here. Unconnected to the system. I love it. How come? I've wasted so much time on that TV. So I had cable.

It was crazy. And people are like, why can't you just look away? But it's like, I don't know how to explain addiction to you. It's like some people are more addicted than others. And I couldn't look away. Just like goddamn video games, right? I mean, that's what we were getting into this before the power went out. But what the hell is it about games that get you so addicted?

Yeah. And I'm sure there's people who can be like, no, I'll just play a couple levels. I'll play for 30 minutes, then back to my family. But it's like, I can't imagine. Yeah. You get roped in. It gets crazy. You're also, you play a lot of poker, too.

And you go and you play for hours and hours and hours. I'm there for 10 hours sometimes. Down at the casino for 10 hours. I got my headphones and my fucking... I just listen to albums. Wow. That's crazy. Women never understand that. They can never understand it.

Mrs. Rogan was... Me and Max Eberle were playing pool. We were playing pool for like fucking 8 hours. And she came downstairs after 8 hours and she's like, You guys are still playing Like your mom would come down with a friend was sleeping over exactly When you get into pool we get into get like a game of pool where it's like this really precise control You're trying to execute you try to move these balls around and perfect or you're literally applying force Yeah, I've had many of those.

That's a lot of bending over. Doesn't your body sort of wear out a lot? I'm an athlete, son. You don't understand, son. You don't get sore? Well, no. Not really, man. Jiu-jitsu and kettlebells and all that shit,

I mean, you'll get tired at the end, but you don't get sore. You're bending over. You're supporting yourself on the table. You're never bending over, really, where you're not supporting yourself. You support yourself on your bridge hand. It's bending over really where you're not supporting yourself. You support yourself on your bridge hand. It's not that bad.

I'm pretty flexible so it doesn't bother me. But I don't even think about that. All I think about is that I'm trying to get perfect on every ball. I'm trying to figure out exactly how much force I have to exert on the cue to hit the cue ball, to collide into the object ball, and then go a couple rails off to get in line for the next ball. It becomes an obsession. So do you think you're better six hours in than you are 20 minutes in?

A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Wow. You're better after. Jose Pariki used to say that he doesn't even get warmed up until eight hours into a game. And then he starts, like, second money. Yeah, that's when he gets in stroke. Wow.

And it really is true, man. When you play for long, long stretches, you get loose. And you get connected to the movement, like really connected to the movement of moving a pool cue and making a ball collide into other balls. You get, the more you do it, the more, you know, you tune into the exact force that's required. You get really accustomed to the cue.

So it's like one of those things where you can't just play pool for five minutes. I mean, you can, but that's not where the good pool is. The good pool is five hours. Real touch. Yeah, you get in five hours in, man. You know, like my friend Justin from the Action Report, the big guy that we play pool with, him and I have had some fucking sessions till 5 or 5 in the morning.

Yeah, man. Pool players keep going. I've played with you for a long time before. I've had some fucking sessions till 5 or 5 in the morning. Yeah, man. Just keep going. Pool players keep going. I've played with you for a long time before. I've played with you for like 4 or 5 hours. Remember Brian would go crazy because he was hanging out with us. Yeah, on the road somewhere in Denver, show on early,

we'd be out all night, you know. He's like, why don't we go out to the pool? I was like, let's go play at this pool bar. Brian's like, no. Yeah, he would get mad. He would get mad. He played pool a couple times. Now he hates it.

He'd be like, you play two games, then you go on. No, no. He doesn't, couple times. Now he hates it. He'd be like, you play two games, then you go on. No, no. He doesn't. Well, Brian's very different from us. Which is going to be interesting to see what happens to him as a comedian. What kind of a comedian he's going to turn into. Because he's got a lot of the regular comedian... Attributes.

Neurosis and attributes. It's interesting. Because he's also done this thing where, one, I mean, he's really just starting to stand up, but he started 10, 12 years ago and then stopped. But it's like he's still in his brain a little bit. So, like, you know, if you take a week off, you've still worked your bits out a little bit. Not as much as if you were going on stage, but a little bit.

It takes work. So he's gotten that. And he started again four years ago or so. So he's still there. And then he's hanging around with saying some top, top level comedy. With us and around LA.

He's got the bar set really high. That'd be more interesting than somebody random just starting. Well, it's way better than starting in a bubble in Columbus, Ohio where there wasn't really that many good local comics. He's in the biggest...

There's arguably two places where the best comedians congregate. It's New York and it's LA. He's in one of those. Which one do you think is better? It's arguable. I don't know. They're both valid responses.

There's a lot of great comics in LA and there's a lot of great comics in New York. I think it's probably pretty equal. I mean, I think maybe the seller is responsible for some of the really, truly great stories of New York come out of there where guys pop in and do sets and kill. That's like the number one cool... That's the coolest place in New York.

Yeah, the number one cool pop-in spot where famous people like Chris Rock will show up and those kind of guys will show up and do sets. It's like, they call it, like, the most honest club. That's like a real hotbed, for sure. Yeah. But then so is the improv, you know? The improv in LA, people stop in there all the time.

There's a lot of good comics that are always working out. You see people just going, and not even going up. Yeah. They're stopping in for a little bit, get a drink. Maybe overall, I might give New York an edge. But it's pretty close. That's why I would give them both an edge. I give New York an edge

because the comics, once you start full stand-up comedy, two years in, you know, something like that where you're a comic, they can get up more.

They can do more sets. And to a degree, practice makes perfect. Right. Maybe. But the best of the best of New York, move to L.A.

Well, not really. Louis C.K. didn't move to L.A. No, a couple did. He did a little bit. Louis and David Tell, and she knows who knows where he is. But it's like, Bill Burr moves,

and you move, and it's like, all these people. I moved before I was good. Yeah, but all these people get successful, then come over. I got way better

once I came to L.A. I was half decent, but I was, you know, six years into comedy, I was clumsy. Oh, really? Yeah, when I came six years into comedy, I was clumsy. I started out in 88, and when I came to LA I was 94. So I did not have that much time in comedy. So that's one of the reasons why the best place to work out is the place that gets you the most time.

That's the best place to work out. You need a lot of people, but the New York clubs, you can get up a lot, but a lot of people are doing like seven, ten minute sets. They're doing short sets, which is great. I mean, they're very entertaining, but I think when you have a ten minute set, there's

a certain type of comedy that you do. You don't ramble as much. You don't go into certain weird subjects. You don't have time. You barely have time for the show, so I want to tell. And there's some bits that don't ramble as much. You don't go into certain weird subjects. You don't have time. So I barely have time for the jokes I want to tell. And there's some bits that don't work unless there's an understanding of how my brain works. Like we're synced up with the audience. And then once you know, you're going to have this sense of how fucked up my thinking is. I'll let you in on it. And then when I tell you something else, then you'll understand why I'm even talking about this in the first

place. Exactly. Oh this guy is fucked up. You can't do that in ten minutes. Jerome touched on this before he died

once where he was talking about just like a last comic standing interview he was saying how there's different things on the road and city comedy.

Yeah. And it's like each one is valid he said and then I started thinking about it and I'm like they're just different styles of stand up almost.

Like if you would do a full hour for six months you're going to be in a different way than if you would do a full hour for six months, you're going to be in a different way than if you're doing two 15-minute sets every single day. Yeah. A lot of guys, I don't even think they're doing 15.

There's a lot of 10s going on, you know? Even tighter. Yeah. I think that's good when you're starting a stand-up, because you have to learn how to, like, get a crowd on your side. Right. So, like, as many times as possible, learning to get the crowd on your side. Yeah.

But then, at some point, you know how to get the crowd on your side. So then at some point you know how to get the crowd on your side. So then it becomes like I need to go over this material. And then the time becomes better and more valuable. I definitely think there's something to going up in front of a bunch of different audiences a bunch of times a day too. You know, just re-experiencing the opening over and over and over again, which is the hardest part of your set. The opening. If you lose a crowd that's where you'll lose them, almost always. So you're re-experiencing the opening over and over again instead of just doing one opening and then easing your way

into good material and then going on and getting the crowd and finishing your set. You know, when you're doing these short sets, it's like you're doing the hardest part over and over and over again. And you gotta think of ways to, because everyone wants to close strong, so you gotta keep thinking of ways, you know,

cramming, how to close strong, over, over, over. thinking of ways, you know, cramming. How to close strong? Over, over, over. Yeah. It's interesting. It's crazy art for them, man. But it's weird that there's only, like, I guess San Francisco's got a good reputation, too, as does Austin. Those are two other places.

And Boston did at one time, but I don't know if it does anymore. I don't hear anything. But those are, like, clearly, like, second-level stuff. I don't hear anything about Boston anymore. You know? Do you? Do you ever hear about guys coming from Boston? No. An occasional guy but just as much as Phoenix or any other random city. You know? Not like a scene of people coming out.

That's a crazy thing to see. I would never thought that would happen. I see more like Seattle and Portland people. They're starting to make a presence. Really? Yeah. Anywhere where there's weed. In Seattle and Portland there's a ton of weed. Try finding a sober comedian up there. Good luck.

I did a show in Portland. Oh, the tea is here. We're like gentlemen. Thank you, sir. We're sitting here, having tea like gentlemen. What are these two different types of tea? I don't know. It's a good question.

I don't know what we're doing. Let's not do that. Pop it up there. There we go. Nice. I don't know. What did you get? I didn't get anything. Oh, he gave me two. One did you get? I didn't get anything.

Oh, he gave me two. One's peppermint, and one's English breakfast. Mmm. Peppermint and English breakfast. Alright. Maybe I'll try... I don't drink tea. I only drink tea at, like, Chinese places.

This is the part of the podcast that sucks. What? When you get food, when you get drinks? No, we're just talking about our tea now. When he gets his shit. Let me pause this. This is the best thing that... I'll pause this.

We'll be right back. Yeah. We'll do that, right? Yeah. Hold on, hold on. Let me say this real quick. 15 minutes. What?

You want to say something? Yeah, the best thing I ever heard Tiger Woods say is me and Renesies did a commercial with him. Right. And they instructed us. All we had to do was play Tiger the best thing I ever heard Tiger Woods say is me and Renizzisi did a commercial with him and they instructed us. All we had to do was play Tiger Woods golf against EA Sports, against Tiger Woods, talk some trash. They told us specific rules. Don't be dirty.

Don't talk about his wife. Don't talk about his dad who just died, which we wouldn't do. But they're like, don't be dirty. So he comes in, we're like, alright, fine, whatever. He comes in and goes, what's up? Bitches ready to do this shit? We're like, who said that to be dirty? It's just some guys, we don't know them at all. I'm like, all right, fine, whatever. He comes in and goes, what's up? You bitches ready to do this shit? I'm like, who said that to Peter?

It's just some guys who don't know him at all. And at some point, they offered him some tea or whatever. He goes, oh, no, I don't drink that, or coffee, whatever it was. It was Handler's. And then Steve's like, oh, me neither. I don't like hot liquids in my mouth. And Ty goes, I got some hot liquid for your mouth right here. You're so fucking cool.

You're the coolest guy. That's hilarious. He grew up on Muni golf courses. Of course he's dirty. Is that what he grew up on? Yeah, public golf courses. Public golf courses are just dirty? It's like Caddyshack stuff. It's like the people who worked in Caddyshack.

Are they like pool halls? Same kind of thing? If you go there every day. But just like pool halls where some people are like, it's Saturday night, I'll come with a date to a pool hall. Right. You're right next to the general gamblers.

Wow. A lot of golfers are big gamblers, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. What's that about? Is that just... Something to make it more interesting. I don't know.

Hmm. Gambling golf lends itself to gambling somehow. You can make a handicap system that works really well. Well, I'll tell you, man, when you're playing pool, nothing makes it more exciting than even having five bucks on the line. Remember when you and I would play for the world championship?

Yeah. I would give Ari, what did I give you, the eight ball or something like that? You gave me the seven and the nine. Seven and the nine. Yeah. But seven wasn't wild. Were we playing ten ball or nine ball? Nine ball.

Okay, so I just gave you the 7 ball. Yeah. I gave Ari the call 7. Call 7 and not wild. For pool players. But it would be fun. We would battle it out for 5 bucks. I mean, the table time was more than 5 bucks,

but that wasn't the point. The point was, like, we were really trying to win. You know, it's a weird thing when you get into a game and you're really, really, really trying to win. You figure out how to run a rack out when you're really nervous and shit. It doesn't make any sense. You need something to make it competitive. That's all you need.

Just five bucks. That's why I say watching fights when you're gambling on the fights is so much more exciting. That's one of the coolest things about when we used to go to those fights in Vegas. When they had the WFA and a bunch of different small organizations. You could go bet on them, man. That's the greatest thing. I've left, like, Mandalay MGM, there's a time, it's like, 15 minutes till the next fight. Dia's like, okay, go, put the money on this, here's 40 for this and 20 for that, and you're

like, okay, and you run down there to the sportsbook as fast as possible, come running back. I've never asked anybody if I'm allowed to bet on the UFC, because I don't want to hear the answer. You have no outcome on the fight. I have no way to influence the outcome. But I can influence the way people feel about fighters, which I don't ever try to do

deliberately, although people accuse me of it. It's just my opinions. Everybody has different opinions. Even when my friends are fighting, like George Sotteropoulos is a good friend. I've trained with that guy a bunch of times. I like him a lot. I've hung out with him at night with him and his wife, and he's a great guy. But when he was fighting Dennis Seaver, I'm like, Dennis Seaver's a fucking beast, man.

And once you're in there, I have to look at you for what your flaws are, what your strengths are, what your weaknesses are. Yeah. And with Sotiropoulos, I'm like, he's got to work on his takedowns, man. He can't take this guy down. And this guy is a fucking gorilla. Dennis Seaver's a big fucking scary gorilla. He's a bad motherfucker.

I'm a Dennis Seaver fan. You know, even though George is a good friend of mine, you know, I'm a Dennis Seaver fan. I think he's a fucking monster. You know,

it's, it's, people think that you're, you can influence the fight, but you really can't. But I wonder if it would be against some sort of law to fight Campbell.

You think they would tell you? Being a Vegas-based organization? You would think, right? Maybe they would say you really can't. No. But I wonder if it would be against some sort of law if I gambled on it. The people shouldn't be, you'd think they would tell you. Being a Vegas-based organization. You would think, right? That they would have already told you. Maybe they would say this retard isn't stupid enough to think he could

fucking gamble on fights. Everybody knows. Clearly you can't gamble, right? Well, I probably fucking could make some money, man. I could make some money. I'm pretty goddamn good at picking fights.

I would say I'm probably more than 50%. I mean, with MMA, shit, you really almost never know. You have an insider knowledge, though. If you're talking about people want to bet on whichever football team, whichever fighter that they think is better, you have more of a reason to think someone's better or worse than other people.

You have better knowledge of the game. Right, but what would be creepy is if you knew some shit, some inside shit. Like if you knew about a knee injury or something like that. If that was the case, I would never bet on the fight. There's no way I would bet on something if I had some freaky knowledge. But if you're just like after the weigh-ins, you're like, he looked good. Yeah. Then that's not insider knowledge.

Yeah, yeah. But I think, you know, betting against a fighter when you know he's jacked, that seems to me like cheating. That seems to me like insider trading. Right. Right, doesn't it? I always tell my friends, like, the insider trading,

all I get from them is when they tell me, like, what people are saying. And sometimes they're like, like Chuck Liddell after some, before his, uh, uh, Anderson,

not Anderson Silva. What's the fucking Silva's name? No, Silva. When Chuck Liddell fought Silva? Uh, who? Who the fuck? Vanderlei.

Vanderlei Silva. Yeah, before that, and after the weigh-ins. Why the fuck could I not think of Vandale as one of the best Silvas? Well, for some reason, I was trying to think of, I don't know, I think of him as a 185 pounder now for some stupid reason. But I remember all the trainers and stuff that I'm friends with are like, ooh, Chuck looked good.

I'm like, oh, I guess Chuck looks good then. I have no idea how to tell that, but then I tell my friends, hey, Chuck looks good. Right. You should bet on him. Well, Chuck can always look good you know chuck was the the prime years of chuck you know back when he knocked out randy couture two times in a row and he knocked out babalu and he's knocking out everybody knocked out vernon tiger i mean he just knocked out everybody he fought man everybody fought he went in there guns blazing and blasted them away for like years. He was the first one that was on the billboard at the Hyatt that covered the whole side.

He was the first one of MMA that was on there for like a while. Dude, when Chuck Liddell in his heyday, man, what a fucking, what a warrior that guy was. He was a savage, he would just go out there guns blazing, but his style is so aggressive that he leaves himself for counterattacks. It's like he's always marching forward. He got knocked out by Rich Franklin. He was killing Rich Franklin. He broke his arm.

Oh, the last fight. He broke his arm. He was blasting him. He was really hurt. And he left an opening. And he left more than that, too, because Rich tagged him a couple of times before that. I saw him really get to him a couple of times before that. Franklin hits hard, and he hit him with a couple of big shots. But it's like Chuck's aggressive style was the reason why he was so good,

and it's also the reason why when your career is over, it's over. It's over. It's over, yeah. You don't get the same opportunities that a real tactician gets. Not that he wasn't a tactician. He was just super aggressive, you know, but like, the guys who like are safety first fighters, you know, they don't, they don't get the people to love them as much though, you know, they'll, they, they get, you know, they get, they, they, they get to not take as much punishment,

but people for whatever reason don't, don't love those tactical guys. I remember people not liking Tim Sylvia after a while, but I was like, he's champion, why should he take chances? That's when I was learning MMA and stuff. Learning about it, not learning it. But people were like, yeah, he's just boring. He plays it safe. He wins the first three rounds, and then he's like, I'm not taking any chance for the next two.

Right. But I was like, why should he? It doesn't seem like a good decision to take chances when he's up three to nothing. We're going down. What is that noise? It's just a plane breaking apart. Interesting. All right, you want to is that noise? It's just a plane breaking apart. Interesting. Alright, you want to drink your tea? No.

I don't know, man. All these years of watching fights, it's almost like I've seen too many. I have too many stored in my memory. The overloading? I've had... I've been doing UFC since UFC 37 and a half was the first one that I worked.

Wow. I think that's like way more than a thousand fights. What? Way more. Because there's all the UFCs and there's all the spike shows too. Sure. And it's like at least nine shows, nine fights per show. At least.

Oh, a thousand fights. Yeah. Oh, not in advance. Oh, yeah. I was like, wait, what? No, no. And by the way, why did I think that was even a possibility? Oh, my God.

My math was like... We do so many this year on Spike TV and so many pay-per-views. Versus you've done? Yeah, we've done so many fights. I think it's somewhere around a thousand fights. I think it's more. Probably 10 to 12 of each one. Yeah, the most is 12, but it's usually 11.

But either way, it's been so many fights that it's almost like they blur. Like, I forget who fought who. Did you ever go to watch any of the Ultimate Fighter fights? No, I still haven't. You really should do that. I missed it this year. I didn't get a chance this year. I was too busy.

This year, while they were doing it, this season, I was super busy. Don't you go to Vegas sometimes for fights during when they're filming the Ultimate Fighter? Yeah, but when you're there for the fights, man I go to the gym, I work out, and I go do a show somewhere half the time Vegas is like the most common that I don't do a show, you know You should go roll with those guys on the Ultimate Fighter Some of them, right? You should. Stop in there one day, roll with them for a little while

Yeah, that'd be interesting Because then you get your workout in yeah especially on some shows you don't have a friday night show yeah go in there i can roll with them a little bit get a sweat and then that'd be cool yeah i thought the ufc would like to do that too yeah i'm sure when they're sweating yeah until i put the choke to some of those boys. Don't show this. Squeeze on them. Squeeze the neck. Oh, my friend. You go to sleep now. The choke is hard.

What a crazy way to try to make a living, huh? Those guys are really savages. Choking people? No, those guys getting into the UFC and entering into the Ultimate Fighter and getting on that show and being in that house with a bunch of dudes that you're going to

have to fight. Woo! What a crazy idea for a show. That show will go on for a billion years, okay? Because it's always

interesting. There's always new people that want to fight. There's always, you know, fucking new great rivalries that get born out of that house.

Yeah, they fight in the UFC like six years later and it's like the fight that never was. Yeah. Dude, some of the greatest rivalries ever have out of that house. Yeah, they fight again in the UFC like six years later and it's like the fight that never was. Dude, some of the greatest rivalries ever have come from that house. Diego Sanchez and fucking Kenny Florian.

That fight. Really? I never watched that show. I never got into that show. That was season one, man. Really? They were both fighting at 185, believe it or not. Wow, really? Kenny was at 185. Yeah, I mean he wasn't really, but he's got such big balls that he fought in the 185 pound division when he's a natural

155er. So he just walked at like 182 and said, fuck it. Just walked in all fat and shit. Just walked in all fat and slung, slung dick and elbows. I like that guy Kenny Florian. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy and he's a bad motherfucker. Yeah. He's a really smart guy. I like him a lot. He's like, I know he's not bad motherfucker. He's a really smart guy. I like him a lot. He's like, I know he's not Jewish, but I don't correct people when they say he is. Ha, ha, ha. You take him as an honorary Jew. You hear that, Kenny Florian?

You're an honorary Jew. Yeah, he's a great guy. He's one of those rare guys that had like a real happy childhood too. He has close connections. Doctors, right? He's a good family guy. Yeah, yeah. I think his father's a surgeon.

It's crazy, man. He just wants to do it. That's what he wants to do. Grant Hill was like that. His dad was a professional football player. Really? Yeah. Always got along with him. He's like, what do you want to do? Play basketball? Okay, go for it. Want to do MMA? Go for it. Yeah, well, that's a good dad. Those know, those creepy dads that want kids to do what you want them to do. You know, that's terrible. You see that suppression. That really fucks kids' heads up, man. My dad was so mad at me when I quit soccer. Was he?

He was so mad. I didn't get it until way later why he was so mad. I just thought he was teaching me how not to be a quitter or something. Right. But really, it's because he grew up playing soccer. He wanted me to play soccer. Right. That's what he did.

Wow. I know, it's so weird, isn't it? If my kid didn't want to do Jiu Jitsu, I would just have to recognize that. I would just have to accept it. It'd be tough though, like something else you want to do? Yeah. Yeah, man. You can't want your kid to do something they don't want to do. You're going to create some angry person. The worst portrayal of if one of your kids was like, I want to play a team sports. You'd be like, no! I wouldn't. I'd be like, that's cool. Look, I like pool. Pool is way

more boring to a lot of people than baseball. It's a lot of people. And baseball is boring. But to me, you know, it's fascinating. I mean, I don't, you should be able to like and watch whatever you want. You know, I fully support that. But I just don't think that a lot of people think of kids as being individual people. I think they think of them as an extension of them, like they own that kid. So for your dad, it's like, this is my son. Why isn't my son playing soccer?

You know? Yeah, exactly. My son should be this. Yeah, yeah. Remember when you were a quitter now? You just kind of quit things. Yeah. I was probably seven. Dude be a quitter now, and you used to quit things. Yeah. I was probably seven.

Dude, that is the weakest shit ever, man. I had an uncle say something like that about me, like quitting things, and I got really pissed at him. I hadn't talked to him for years. Wow. It's silliness, man. Yeah.

You know, when people talk about being quitters, and, you know, It's like, I'm not quitting, I just want to do something different. When you're saying that to a kid, when you're, like, giving them that negative reinforcement like that, what are you going to be, a quitter? You know, that's not how to deal with it, you know. The way to deal with it, well, the problem is most people haven't developed that part of themselves.

Take one thing at, like, eight years old and, like, that's what I'm going to do forever. Shit. Like Will Smith, we were just saying. He didn't quit rap. He just, he did it for five or six years. And then he did something else well it's also you know one person's soccer is another person's basketball you just have to find that thing you know for you it wasn't soccer but maybe it would have been you know what the fuck ever gymnastics you really want to do it yeah maybe there's something that you I mean you got to find

what the fuck you like it can't be dependent on somebody. Harris Pete said he was friends with Gretzky because he was a practice player for the Kings for a while. Wow. And he went to some signings with him, just to hang out with him and stuff. And he said some guy took his son in line to get a Gretzky book signed or a Gretzky poster signed. And he goes,

Wayne, tell my son how important it is to practice every day. And he's like, yeah, it's really important. You should definitely do that. And then he left and he you know. And he's like, yeah, yeah, it's really important. You should definitely do that. And then he left and he turned to Harris and he was like, the thing is, when I was his age, that's all I wanted to do was play hockey. No one had to tell me to practice. That's just all I wanted to do. So I guess technically I was practicing, but I was just playing.

You can't make someone want to practice. Yeah, no shit. You know? If you like it, then do it want to practice. Yeah, no shit. You know? If you like it, then do it all the time. Yeah. If you don't, then don't do it at all.

Do something else that you like doing and do that all the time. Yeah, no kidding, man. It just sucks if you're like a pool player where your sport, the thing you love to do

all the time, can net you... Five bucks a year. Yeah. You know, professional bowling. It's just that you're not going to make any Yeah. You know, professional bowling. It's just, you're not going to make any money.

I know some guys that do, like Mika Eminen, he plays professional pool, he makes good money. And, you know, like Shane Van Boney, he makes good money. Like the upper echelon players.

But like Max, you know, Max is struggling. Max is one of the best guys in the world. He just doesn't win enough tournaments. He places like third here,

and you know, he'll get like fourth through sixth there. How much does a 99th best pool player in the world make? Fuck. Compared to a golfer? Yeah. Yeah, it's really ridiculous. Because a 99th best in the NBA is a starter.

Yeah. A professional starter on his team. And he probably makes hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, right? Millions. Millions? Yeah. Really? The league minimum is like $125,000.

So the worst guy in the NBA makes $125,000 a year? And that was like 10 years ago. What's it now? I don't know. The league minimum is probably $200,000 or $125,000. So the worst guy in the NBA makes $125,000 a year? And that was like 10 years ago. What's it now? I don't know. League minimum, probably $200,000 or $300,000. Yeah. Well, they all have a short period of time where they can do that, though, as opposed to pool. It's just the problem with pool is no one's ever figured out how to organize it and put it on TV correctly.

You know, what I was saying about watching that chess, the speed chess, it's almost like they should do something like that with pool. Because that speed chess was really exciting, man. You know? Yeah. That speed chess was interesting. So, like, speed pool? Yeah.

You play a race to 10, but you also have a clock. As soon as the ball stops moving, you have only so long to play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As soon as it stops, you start to clock. Every game, no matter how much time it takes to get through each rack, all that time is calculated. Yeah. Even 10 ball or something,

but you would lose a certain amount once your minutes go, you lose 20 balls. Yeah. I think that some sort of an added little pressure thing would be fun for pool. Yeah. Would get people into it.

That would make safety shots so much more powerful. Pool is one of those things, though, that's only interesting to people that play it. Like, it's interesting to you because you know how to play, but to other people who don't know how to play it, it's just, like, so stupid. Like, who gives a shit if that you know how to play, but to other people who don't know how to play it, it's just like so stupid. Like, who gives a

shit if that ball goes in the hole? Hit it already. Hit balls. Yeah, it's a weird thing, you know. Games, games scare the shit out of me.

I've lost giant chunks of my consciousness to games, you know, giant. I remember being in a driver's ed and they said that

there used to be a good judge of driver's ed about driving abilities, who had the best grades. Really? Yeah yeah but then they redid studies and said that's it video games oh wow it's way more important than that's the grades dude there's a guy that um went down the nurburg ring um in a race car the what the nurburg ring is a uh huge uh racetrack i think it's like seven miles no it miles. It takes a really good race car like seven minutes and like

I think like I think like seven minutes and 30 seconds is what like the Corvette ZR1 does. So it's a long-ass track and it's got a bunch of crazy curves and shit and so they they put this on a video game. So on the video game, you literally drive the exact course, and you go through the exact same lanes that all the real racetrack drivers would, and they have the exact same background. So when you do it, you feel like you've already been there. So they had this kid who was really good at playing the video game, and they took him on a race car around the Nurburgring,

and he had this badass time. Like, he knew how to do it good, because he was really good at doing the video game. So they just had to teach him how to operate a race car, show him the fundamentals of it, and then he could do it. Wait, hold on a second. This is the exact plot of that movie from the 80s, where the guy's super good at video games, and then in outer space, they come and... Yes, Alex Rogan. His name was Alex Rogan. Yes. What movie was that?

Star Fighter or some shit like that. Yeah, he was the best at video games. But the video game was just an elaborate test by the aliens to see who would fight for them. Yeah, what was it called? Star something or another? Yeah, and they did a South Park episode with the same thing.

Really? Yeah. It was, yeah, it was level 99 and Kenny was like the greatest level and then they fought good versus evil, hell versus Satan. Wow. Well well this guy actually did that this guy actually did go around the Nuber ring and they said he had a great time He didn't really yeah He said he knew when to break and he knew when to when they accelerate out of corners and those games

The physics of those games are really pretty lifeline. They make it really the others with flight simulators like that. Yeah Oh, that's another thingulators like that. Yeah. Oh, that's another thing Tiger Woods did. When we were playing, somebody, one of us hit a shot up, looked like it was going on the green perfectly, and we're like, oh, nice shot. Tiger's like, nah, it's going to roll off the back into the sand. We're like, no, no, it's safe.

Let's roll on the front. And it starts to slow down. It brings up a little steam and rolls off the back into the sand. We're like, how did you know that? He goes, because I played that course like 35 times. Oh, so the course was exactly just like that. Yeah, it rolls off the back and I said, yeah, I'm like, how'd you know that? He goes, because I played that course like 35 times. Oh, so the course was exactly just like that? Yeah, it was, yeah, rolls off the back. That's amazing. Yeah, he's like, you gotta bounce it up to this degree. How do they incorporate those physics

into the game? Well, they have professional or semi, like, professional level golfers help design the game. So they go to the courses and make it like that exact. But how do they know like when to, how do they incorporate gravity? Like where steeper hills make the ball roll faster? Yeah. One rolls off to the right, one, one green, you know, they try to make it just like the greens. And one day they're going to be able to actually recreate the

exact topography. Yeah. That's going to be crazy. Yeah. You'll be able to recreate the exact topography of the course. So you can play Pebble Beach in your home or in your local, like, you know. Yeah, if you have like a club and the club somehow or another has some sort of a sensor on it, it's like a motion sensor.

Like a laser tag place. Yeah. Recreate it every time with holograms. Yeah, and you do it in like, you know, in front of some big screen. I played that golf,

indoor golf before in Maryland in the winter. Yeah. You hit a screen, they try to judge the trajectory of the ball, but it was real basic back then. And then they tell you where you are in the rough, whatever, and place your ball either in rough grass or in regular grass, which is the fairway, or take a penalty. And then on the green they tell you how far away from the hole to putt it. But it was the same green every time.

Man, I'm so excited about what the hell is going to happen. The future. Yeah, I mean, the future of video games and virtual reality. We're in such a weird time, you know? I mean, a couple of hundred years ago, you would live your whole life and nobody ever invented shit. But the weird thing is, you would go a whole life and no new invention would be created. Yeah.

Nothing new. Yeah. No cotton gin. That happened once a generation. Or even less. Sure, I mean there might be some things that are getting made, but the things that you know about, things that actually help

and affect your life, not that much stuff. But now we've had so many of them. In my lifetime, the cell phone, internet, computers in general. Yeah, portable computers. Yeah. All these things completely change Yeah. Portable computers. Yeah. All these things completely change the way we do anything. Cell phone. You can't even say cell phone anymore because now it's the age of the smart phone.

This is a bigger leap than just a phone. A little thing that you can get information from, from the sky. I mean, what the cell phone is now, like your iPhone right there and the one that we're recording this into, these things are, these are little computers that connect you to the rest of the world, man. I mean, we did this show in Sydney all through these iPhones, man. We tweeted it. We tweeted it and packed that place. On the iPhones. All through iPhones.

Yeah. All through the air, just walking around, click, click, click, click, click. With no Wi-Fi signal. No Wi-Fi. I just sent a text to Twitter to put this on, and they did. Yeah, man, I mean, that's the biggest leap of all time. The ability to get Google on that and find answers to anything immediately, that's crazy. And plus, you can record your surroundings, take photos of yourself, listen to music at the same time. Really high-quality photos.

Yeah, and talk to people and video conference if you're near a wi-fi i videotaped a kangaroo jerking off yeah at the zoo because of this technology that bought me at all times you need to upload that to youtube upload that are you going to upload it i guess i should have done something more how clear is it it's pretty clear obvious How clear is he? It's pretty clear. Is it really obvious? Can I see it? Yeah, it's amazing, right?

And Shazam, just the fact that it has Shazam on it. Shazam is crazy. It doesn't even make sense. It tells you what song it is. It's playing. And it's almost always accurate. He's jerking himself off. He's jerking himself off.

Wow. This is very blatantly. He's just jerking it. This might get Ari arrested I tried to get in this But then I think he took like An aggressive stance

So I got scared Like here Are you inside this? No it's like A walk around area You can walk nearby Is there a fence in front of you? No it's a wallaby

You can go up to it But you're not supposed To get off the path You could go right up To that thing? Yeah Alright we'll have to Put this online Ladies and gentlemen I got fully scared Of the wallaby That's allowed could go right up to that thing? Yeah. Alright, we'll have to put

this online, ladies and gentlemen. I got fully scared of the wallaby that's allowed to go right up to you. Well, you should be scared. He's about to jizz on you. I don't know what his deal is. He has no social contract. Yeah, exactly. I interrupted his jerk-off. That's base mentality. Animals, man. Yeah. Animals aren't. What happened to the tea? He took it away. Why did he he do that I don't know I don't I drink tea so I thought maybe

you'll only want one cup this motherfucker you let him take it how high are you I'm paying barbecued blitzkrieg Ari and I had an edible

I guess we should take this time to thank our sponsor Zen Zen on La Cienega in Santa Monica this is the sponsor

Zen dispensary. Yeah. Their breast chips are amazing. And Jurun. I like these podcasts on planes. I need to start doing more of these from now on. Every time I travel, I'm going to do one. So I'll do one with Tom Segura on Wednesday when we go to Louisville.

It's a good idea, especially for long flights. Like, why not? Why not, man? Podcasts on a plane are fun. Yeah. It's a good idea, especially for long flights. Why not? Podcasting on a plane or a phone. It's interesting. It's also an interesting little network that we have of all these people now that are doing them. You're starting to do one now, too. What are you calling yours? Skeptic Tank.

The Skeptic Tank. And, of course, Doug Benson has Doug Loves Movies, and we see Doug all the time. It's weird. There's this whole network of people that are that are doing these now we're all like doing it together

and everybody seems really cool with everybody people have other people on each other's podcasts and everyone's like supporting everyone whatever the style is like alright

that's what we'll do like with Doug's thing it's like I gotta go and talk about movies so that's fine yeah that's his thing you know when you do his thing

that's what it is and then you know ours is you get high and talk about whatever the fuck you want to talk about movies. Yeah. So that's fine. Yeah, that's his thing. You know, when you do his thing, that's what it is. And then, you know, ours is you get high and talk about whatever the fuck you want to talk about. That's it. For two hours, yeah. And, you know, everybody's got their own little thing. But it's really cool how there's so many people doing it now. Yeah.

And everybody's supporting everybody. And I listen to other people's podcasts. I like it. It's sort of fun to do. Yeah, they're real fun to do. She's one of the door guys at the comedy store. And Eric Marino had this thing where they just, like, they talk about sports. Like, you want to be on?

I was like, all right. Yeah. I was like, yeah, we'll talk about something for a little while. It doesn't matter if 10 people hear it or if no one does or if a million people hear it. We ran into a bunch of people in Australia that listen to the podcast. A lot. You know, I mean, the podcast is, we don't know the exact numbers,

but it's well over 200,000 people are listening to each individual one. Wow. Yeah. You know, and then in time it goes more and more and more with people download the old ones. It's pretty crazy that this can happen, that this can happen. You know, and then also there's so many different ways to listen to it. You can use this thing called Stitcher. You can listen to it live or replay on Ustream and watch it at the same time.

You can listen to it by just downloading the file from my website. You don't have to go to iTunes. You can just download the raw MP3. And then you can put it on anything. You can put it on any kind of MP3 player. And if you just keep providing people with something that they enjoy like that you get a kind of like you know you get a fan base like that's like the people that we're hanging out with like in sydney the people who came to the shows

we got some cool motherfuckers that are coming to the shows too they know enough about you and about us in general that it's like if they're turned off by the shit we do they won't come out right you know so the people that come out are sort of your cup of tea. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know, everybody's got their own thing, man. You know, we've been talking about, you know, Ari and I were talking about this once, like some comedians will get upset at other comedians,

like they don't like their act, and so they hate them. But it's so stupid. It's like, what are you giving a shit? Like, you don't like that style of comedy. But guess what? There's 30, what are you giving a shit? You don't like that style of comedy. But guess what? There's 30,000 people in his audience. So you're telling me there's something wrong with that? He's giving them exactly what they like.

Even Carrot Top. Even Diasite with prop comics or whatever type of comics. It's like, that's not your thing, but that's okay. Exactly. Who the fuck are you to decide what's good and what's bad? But I got caught up in it when I was younger, for sure. I did too. I've recently let it go in the last couple of years. It's so stupid.

It's so much better now because you can actually appreciate the small things you can relate to in their heads. Yes, yes. Larry the Cable Guy on some interview once, on Leno or one of those, he said having sex with his pregnant wife was like jabbing, he said jabbing, taking a stick and jabbing a stack full of puppies. And I'm like, that's a funny joke. And if you just dismiss everything he says, then you miss out on a little joy of life. I don't dismiss him at all. I think he's funny.

You know, I was telling you, I hung out with him very briefly way back in like, shit, like 94 or 95 at the montreal comedy festival we hung out the comedy works and this was back when larry was you know just another comic you know very few people knew who he was you know like it wasn't his living as a cable guy no he was another yeah he's what is it dan whitney is that his real name oh he's still going by the old no he was the larry the Larry the Cable Guy there. He was doing Larry the Cable Guy. But people will take offense to that. Some people will judge it. I don't get it.

It might not be my favorite kind of comedy, but I think he's funny. He makes me laugh. He makes me laugh a bunch. You just let go. I'm supposed to like this. I'm not supposed to like that. There's all sorts of different levels of everything. You know, I mean, McDonald's cheeseburgers, you might not be into it, but obviously a lot of fucking people are. Yeah, so you can't say, oh, it's terrible.

It's like, really? Then why is everyone eating it? That's what I think about Republicans. Really, they have no basis to stand on. I don't know what they think about politics, but if they have no basis to stand on, why is 50% of the country Republican? Yeah, well, that's an interesting way to look at it. I think... There must be something valid.

People, I think, there's a good percentage of the time when people choose whether or not they're going to be a Republican or a liberal, conservative, or Democrat, I think they find a pattern of thinking and then they just stop doing it. Stick to it. You can Chevy or Ford. It's the same shit.

It's so dumb. And I think that's responsible for a lot of it. That's a lot of it. Team. Team concept. I want to pick a side. Stick to it no matter what every time. Yeah, and then you especially if like, one of the best things that the Republican Party does is that they

really promote this idea of a united front against the dumb liberals, the weak liberals. Those liberals out there, they're going to take away your money. And they propose that you're in on this. It's a team. When people call the Rush Limbo show Mega Ditto's Rush,

Mega Ditto's, meaning you ditto, meaning I guess you... We agree with what you're saying. I guess that's what it means. They call themselves ditto heads. You know, I mean, they're into Rush. And yeah, they want to smoke the same cigars that Rush smokes. And they want to call up and agree with him. And they want to suck Republican cock.

That's what they really do. It's supposed to be, if you were a Republican, you agree with eight or nine out of ten things that other Republicans agree with. Yeah. As opposed to two out of ten things that other Republicans agree with. As opposed to two out of ten things that other Republicans agree with. If you're a Democrat. It's being a fanboy.

It's just like being a fanboy of anything else. It's like going to see Star Wars 13 times because you're 10. That's what it's like. It's the same goddamn thing. It's ridiculous behavior. But it's so common. There's people out there that firmly believe it.

These libs are going to do this. But then, you know, if you look at their point of view when it comes to politics, when it comes to taxes and creating big government and everything, like, yeah, man, yeah, I agree. They're spending too much fucking money. I don't think the balance is going the right way, from what I understand, and I

clearly know nothing, but I'll tell you this, that I didn't think that there was any reason, I told this before, there was no reason we shouldn't have universal health care. That's what I always thought. And people who were against it were like retarded. And now my health care is worse and it costs more because of Obamacare. And I was like, oh, that's the give and take. Both sides have a valid argument.

The problem with universal health care is that doctors get fucked over. Doctors get fucked over already by a lot of insurance companies. A lot of insurance companies don't want to pay what a doctor wants to be paid for certain procedures, and when they get to be really good. Some psychologists won't take insurance. I'm like, why would I bill out at $100 for the insurance company when I can bill out at $300?

That's what I'm worth. Wow, so when you go to a psychiatrist or a psychologist, you have to pay them out of your pocket? Certain ones. Certain ones are on insurance and the best ones are just not on insurance.

I am all for people being competitive. I think it's good. I think I want the doctor who's the baddest motherfucker who drives a Ferrari because he's the one who can fix your fucking brain tumor.

That's the guy you want. You want this bad motherfucker. You know, you want this dude who's like intensely devoted to his craft because he makes a lot of fucking money from it. There's a lot of reward and so there's a lot of reason for him

to go chase after and be the best surgeon. You have a life there that I heard once that I like but you were telling somebody about different vaporizers. One of your friends was like trying to buy a vaporizer and uh he was like which one and you were like the way you told sir is like go with the broken school of thought just get the more expensive one yeah it's always better it's almost always

better 9.9 out of 10 yeah it's better so just i use that for almost everything yeah if you have the money to do it go with the better one yeah the one that costs the most is usually the best it's a reason why you go at the same price as for most is usually the best. If it's Play-Doh at the same price as Francesco Rinaldi, it's like, why do you think Francesco costs more? It's better. It tastes better.

Don't be stupid. Might not be worth the difference, but it is better. It's better. Yeah. Ferrari doesn't cost a quarter of a million dollars

because it's a piece of shit. It's a piece of bread. There's a reason why people are willing to buy that goddamn thing. It's the greatest car ever invented. There's something to that. There's only reason why people are willing to buy that goddamn thing. It's the greatest car ever invented. There's something to that man.

There's only a certain amount of things you can think about in this life. You have to have some methods to deal with things. That's my method. Try to get whatever it is. Get the best one. Don't be stupid. I don't understand why people use Windows. Don't you know that shit?

Windows? Windows, bro. I can build my own computer. I can upgrade if I like. I understand. I understand. Yeah. So I don't understand how people use Windows. Like, don't you know that shit? People, yeah. Windows, bro. I can build my own computer. I can upgrade if I like.

Do you? I understand. I understand all that. Maybe you do all that, and I appreciate that, and I think that's awesome. But you can get a virus, and viruses are fucking terrible. Could you imagine if it's like, no, man, I'm going to stay a human. I'm just going to eat acidophilus and a lot of wheatgrass juice, and I don't worry about this dark black plague. Or, you can take this pill and be immortal. Oh I'm gonna stick with it. Stick with this fighting off viruses.

People have windows they're being attacked every day. You can't even go to websites. You go to websites and big windows pop up and people right now are freaking out. People are angry. You fucking Mac fag. Oh, listen to this. Yeah, yeah. You Mac fag. You really into Macs. And for the people who are, like I was seven or eight years ago, where I'm like, this is

a new system. I can't figure it out. You will get it within a week or two. You will totally figure it out at regular use. If you're an idiot, you'll get it in a day. It'll be just as easy as Windows is. It's like, you know, but some people are really into like hacking their registry

and they're really into building their own things. Most people are not that. I totally get that. That's such a small slice. But the real option for those people

is Linux. The real option is Linux or Unix. I mean, there's operating systems that aren't virus infested hunks of shit and they're free.

Like, there's a lot of Linux now. A lot of different builds that are available online for free that are really good man they have a great graphic interface they have video players and there's a few compatibility issues with some things yeah that's that to me makes way more sense than windows windows i mean i get it there's a lot of peripherals that work with it and a lot of people have just grown up with it and are used to it, but viruses are so stupid. So horrible.

Suddenly my computer's working worse because some asshole pranked me. Yeah, exactly. What evidence of cunts, you know? I mean, if you ever want evidence that people are cunts, the number of viruses that exist are staggering. Yeah. For Windows, there must be hundreds of thousands. It's not like the virus that drains your bank account and goes to some guy in Russia.

It's just the virus that fucks you up. It doesn't do anything for anyone. And I asked somebody once, why do they build those viruses? People were like, mayhem. That's it. They just want to create mayhem. You know what it's like? If there's a room and it was like a round circle where women just put most

of their face through and you can't see who's on the other side and the other side is all men that are naked there's going to be a few that'll just jerk off on someone's face they just they just want to be able to affect you and you not know that it's them you know you know what i mean i mean there's people that want to reach out and jizz on you that's what they want to do they can find a way to just whack one off on your face and you couldn't stop them and you didn't know it was them. They would do it. They would do it just to look at it.

People are sick. They're twisted. I have a rule with pranks because I have a thought out theory on them. And the rules are this. No monetary damage to anyone and no physical damage to anyone. Those are good rules. Except yourself. You can put out $1,000 of ball price, but you can't make someone else pay too much. Yeah. Those are good rules. Except yourself. Those are good rules. You can put out $1,000 and blow up a pipe, but you can't make someone else

pay you too much. Yeah, those are good rules. Yeah. Because other than that, your butt's hurt. That's it. And you have to only prank people that you actually like, too.

Yeah. You can't be pranking, you can't be pranking someone you don't like because then that's like sort of an act of war. Uh-huh. You know,

it has to be like an act of fun. Yeah. Because if you don't like someone and then you prank them, it's like you just stepped it up a notch, you know. It's like, you just stepped it up a notch, you know? We once had,

we forgot, like 12 or 15 people to wait for Bobby Lee to pull into the parking lot at the comedy store with, on top of the roof, on the Hyatt ramp,

behind the garbage cans, all waiting and choreographed something out with water balloons. Oh no. Yeah, just waiting for him, all filling out this is going to happen right now. Okay, he's got a 10, all waiting, and choreographed this thing out with water balloons. Oh, no. Yeah, just waiting for him, all filling out, this is going to happen right now.

Okay, he's got a 10-15 spot. He will be here at 9.45, and it is go time. That's hilarious. And we all just unloaded water balloons at him. Oh, my God, that's hilarious. It was so epic. That's epic.

And the only thing better was that, that not one of us hit him. Oh, that's perfect. It's like 80 balloons, and not one person hit him. That's hilarious. Dude, were you there when some guys got on the roof of the store

with a slingshot and water balloons? Oh, I was not there. They had like this sort of a water balloon launching device. Yeah, Caparillo had it. Some slingshot type deal. Uh-huh. And they were hurling them over

towards the standards and hitting the bouncers. They would go so far. That's incredible. When you get hit by a water balloon, let's say that ever happens to you. Yeah. First you're like, oh, okay, my mind is wrapping around, it's water. Right. And you. When you get hit by a water balloon, let's say that ever happens to you. First you're like, oh, okay, my mind is wrapping around, it's water. And you're like, but that was a water balloon.

You get that within a second or two. And then you look, where would a water balloon come from? Without thinking this out, it's instant. You'd be like, within four or five feet, that's where water balloons come from. Ten feet maybe. You don't think 100 yards up on some roof across the street down the block no one would even consider that they found out that it was coming from the rooftop so the cops did come yeah there was somewhat a few water balloons in a fucking straight line

remnants straight back pointing at that room as they adjusted for for yeah just accuracy distance yeah they nailed somebody I remember they hit somebody. It was like a big fucking event. Everybody came running down off the roof. Yeah, the cops ran up. There's Renesisi and Caparulo

and I think Freddie Lockhart. And they had to hide where Mitzi's office was. They said, fuck, quick, come down here. I hear footsteps.

They hid in that thing. Cops ran by them and then they ran the rest of the way out. I remember those. Was it Renesisi that had it on the roof? Well,

let's not say it was Renesisi because we might not have. He'll say it condo. Was it as easy as it had it on the roof? Well, let's not say it was around as easy. Because we might not have. I'll say it. Really? Yeah. We all did it in La Jolla once in the condo. And it would go,

I don't know if you remember that place at all, go over the boardwalk halfway to the ocean on the beach. Oh my God. So it would blow up like a landmine.

People would sit in there and it would go in the sand. You see them kind of look around like, what was that? And then another one went, boom! Oh, that's hilarious. That's

hilarious. Yeah. That's some terrorism shit, though. I think that's probably in the Patriot Act. You're probably not allowed to do that anymore. Oh, probably not. But you'd have one guy pulling it back as hard as he can, and two other guys on either side, straight out with their arms bracing and shaking, holding it

steady. Oh, that's how you do it? It's this big rubber thing. One guy like this, the other guy on the other side like this. So you use your arms as the, your arms are like the sticks? As like the Vs of the slingshot, yeah. And then the one guy would be your fingers pulling it back. Pull back as hard as you can. Why not make something instead of that that works? Why not like have like a bow, like some sort some sort of something like a big slingshot yeah

that would do like something to stick in the dirt compressed air or something yeah that would be great yeah like maybe if you were on a balcony you could just have it like with a clamp

clamps to the balcony get on it inventors pranksters beware this guy caught us once because we did it way too much in La Jolla and it was like at night and we tried to get people

that were walking with their gates and stuff, and some guy, this black guy, I remember from going to the window, like, hey, you fucking dick assholes, he was like, he was like, remember the southern, like Hootie the Blowfish type black guys? Right. It was like, hey, turds, things like that, that didn't quite fit his face, but we're like, don't move, he can't see us, because we all fucking hit the deck. Right.

He's like, I see you, right there, in the white t-shirtshirt behind the couch. I can still see you. What the fuck are you doing? We're like, he can't see us. Even though he's describing us perfectly. How did he see you? Because he could see right in. We weren't hiding very well. We thought we were. He's like, get down here and kick your ass. We didn't move. What a pussies. But that's what viruses are. People like that. Yeah. Making little pranks. That comedy store La Jolla is such a strange place because it's in

a beautiful area. La Jolla is gorgeous. It's real affluent. La Jolla is like the Bel Air or the Beverly Hills of San Diego. Yeah, and right there

is this dirty little comedy club where it hasn't changed in 30 fucking years. Barry Diamond still headlines there once a year.

Does Argus go down there? I don't think he headlines anyone. I think he's happy just featuring. It's such an old school place. It's a vacation for the comics though.

Yeah. And so many comics have done so much crazy shit in that condo. Oh. Like I can't even remember half the shit that's happened in that condo.

The amount of coke that must have been in there over the years would probably fill it up at this point. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that place was sick.

That was a, and that was a, it was like a first road gig for a lot of people. Yeah. They wouldn't be able to get something. They'd go open for Steve Pearl or Barry Diamond and they're like, fuck, I don't want to hang out with them for the whole weekend. Yeah. But it's like road work. I get to stay at the condo.

That'd be awesome. Yeah. I never had to deal with that because by the time she eventually stopped torturing me and sent me there, I already started going on the road with you. So it's like, no, I'm not going with Barry Diamond down to La Jolla. No, I'll go with my friends or nothing. Stay in the condo. Yeah.

It's like, no. You get creeped on. Rusty Dooley used to sleep with a screwdriver underneath his pillow. Because he was scared of Barry Diamond? Barry Diamond. Wow. He's always on borderline, whether it's gay or not. By the way, this is all alleged scared of Barry Diamond? Yeah. Wow. He's always on borderline whether it's gay or not.

By the way, this is all alleged, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Barry's a fun, nice guy. We have no documentation to prove any of this is true. Yeah.

Those old school guys that were around, like, Barry Diamond was in that Bachelor Party movie with Tom Hanks. Yeah. That was a big guy.

He had sex with Tony Katane. He did? He was a big guy at some point. Whoa. What happened? Careers come and go. It just didn't go up, didn't go down. I don't understand that. I know people used to talk before my time, people talked about him as the next big thing

once he did Bachelor Party. Wow. That was a legitimate part. Huge. I'm imagining any friend of mine getting a part like that in a comedy movie. Yeah. That'd be pretty impressive. How the hell does he not get more movies? Maybe he had the wrong management or something.

Oh, what a weird business, huh? Show business is so strange. That's why it's the best when you just concentrate just on stand-up. That's one of the things I love about stand-up. I don't have to worry about all these other variables, all these other people. Just concentrating on my own shit.

Just working on my own thing, going up there, busting it out, improving it, writing new shit, putting it on a DVD, and then repeat the process. That's, to me,

the most satisfying form of show business. Yeah, the work part of it is handled by your agents and managers. Like, what's my quote for this place, whatever. But the part of it you have to deal with is stuff you want to deal with. Yeah, it's part of it is handled by your agents and managers. Like, what's my quote for this place, whatever. But the part of it

you have to deal with is stuff you want to deal with. Yeah, it's fun. It's exciting. Thank you. It's exciting to come up with new

shit, man. It's exciting to put together a new special and improve a bit. Oh, sweet. Thank you. Thank you very

much. We got some water, bitches. First class, they just come around and give you bitches first class they just come around and give you still water they just come around by the way

Ari and I are sitting together in Ari's little cubicle my pod we're doing a pod podcast it's a pod podcast because we're on Qantas

and they have these these pods man they're fucking dopealicious yeah it's a lot of room there's two

there's two seats in it. Everybody gets two windows, three really. Yeah, three. Out the window, and then you have, that's how much space it is, like lengthwise.

You have this bed, chair that turns into a bed. And a bunch of movies on a big screen. It's like a TV that, it's not like a little headrest type deal. You have your own TV. It's like the TV you used to have in college. It's like as good as that, or a little bit better. It's not like a little headrest type deal. You have your own TV. It's like the TV you used to have in college.

It's like as good as that or a little bit better. It's probably like 20 inches, right? I don't know. 22 inches? I don't know how to measure this. That thing's 17 inches.

That 17 is bigger than that. Yeah. It's bigger than that. So it's pretty. And you can push a button and it'll go away. It's amazing. Come back.

Amazing shit. Yeah. We're flying over the surface of the planet 30 000 feet over the ocean the entire trip is taken over the ocean if anything goes wrong you're completely totally fucked there is no emergency landing it's not happening no they have escaped patches for first class you're 12 hours over the ocean in the air. Ooh, how odd. Over the ocean.

Nothing's around. How odd. How odd is this that we can do this? Super casual. Well, yeah, man. This is some revolutionary human thing that we're experiencing here. You know, this has only been around for 100 years. You know?

This is a blink. Not even a blink in human history which is a blink in the world's history well we already have the plane but it's like it's gotten to well they're pretty

god damn slick now you know it's amazing how efficient they are you know and how they can keep using them over and over and over again they just retired

either Discovery or Challenger which one didn't blow up Challenger Challenger that did not blow up did Challenger

blow up I don't remember Discovery is the new one I think okay I don't know I think it was Challenger that blew up I'm did not blow up? Did Challenger blow up? I don't remember. Discovery is the new one, I think. Okay. I don't know. I think it was Challenger that blew up, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're right. But one of they just retired. They have a couple of them, right? Yeah. But it's like, that's been in business for 30 years? Yeah. And you're like, yeah, it works. It's amazing.

You know, there's some new studies that they've done where they're considering the possibility of an error or an eccentricity in the moon's orbit that they attribute to a large planet that's outside of Pluto. This is something that's being considered. I think it was at Cornell. It's a new planet? Yeah. Well, it's not just this. There's a bunch of different things that are pointing towards a huge object outside of Pluto.

And they're saying it's four times the size of Jupiter. It's absolutely enormous. And this is another finding that's one of a couple that they've come through with where they're calculating that there is something out there. So this is like a theory they haven't quite totally decided on. There's still some debate on it, but there seems to be several different things that are pointing towards it. They don't know what it is, but it could be just some enormous gas giant.

It could be, who knows, it could be like a star that we can't see, like one of those dwarf stars. Like, are there stars that you can't see? Isn't there stars that you can't see with the naked eye? With the naked eye? Yeah. I mean, like a type of star, isn't there? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know enough about, yeah, I don't know enough about that. But I've heard that some stars, like, literally can be hidden, you know? They would have to be like really really far away and hidden like maybe that's a star that's burnt out you know that's like way way yeah it could be I mean we're talking about something

that's so far outside of our solar system it's you know I think further outside of Pluto than Pluto is to us it's really far but it's really big, whatever it is. I mean, have you ever looked at one of those really cool YouTube clips where they show you, like, the size of the sun, and then the size of Earth, and then the size of a bigger

sun, and a much bigger sun, and a much bigger star, and then giant, giant galaxies where they have these huge, you know, I forget the terminology for the stars, but enormous white and red stars that are like thousands and thousands of times bigger than our stars. Just enormous, monstrous stars. And it's like, you know, you try to wrap your fucking head around it all, and you're like, wow, how big is this thing? I mean, how big does it get? How many of these really giant, enormous things are out there?

It's tough to wrap your head around infinity. It's impossible. Yeah. It's like, it's like a fake, it's like trying to wrap your head around the universe is like trying to pick up

the ocean with your hands. Yeah, it's like, okay, so we have our galaxy, then what, then what? And like,

then another thing, then another thing, another universe, and it's like, then what? Then it doesn't end, you're like, no,

it just doesn't end. It's too crazy. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's it's an amazing thing man that we are you know flying through space that we are in space right now space is above our head it's an amazing thing that gets so little attention you know if it didn't exist and then all of a sudden it did it would be the craziest thing ever if all of a sudden above us was infinity, out of nowhere, the roof came off and we could see infinity, we would be freaking out all the time. Just the idea that there's nothing from your head straight up through to forever just goes straight.

That doesn't even make sense. It's almost impossible to think about that. It's almost impossible to put... Every. It's almost impossible to put, yeah. Every direction, every infinite direction just keeps going. So really this big planet outside of Pluto ain't shit. If you're really no big deal, in comparison to all the other stuff that's out there, why would you be surprised

if there's a big planet out there? But for a lot of people it seems preposterous. There's people that just don't want to believe that there's anything weird going on. What if there's any life that has a sun with their own star and orbits with the same solar systems like we have, but it's super small? Super small? So their Earth, whatever version of Earth, is probably way closer to their star because it's so much smaller. But everybody's like three, four, five inches tall.

Wow. This little tiny planet. Because if you think that there might be a huge planet with bigger people on it. How small can a planet get and still be a planet, though? Because Pluto was really tiny, and they stopped making it a planet, or they stopped designating it as a planet.

Really? Yeah, it's now like a Kuiper Belt object. Pluto's not a planet anymore. It's all ice? Yeah, I think Pluto... Well, I think Pluto's irregularly shaped. I think Pluto, like, almost is like an asteroid, you know, almost is like, you know. It's a giant asteroid.

Look, the Kuiper belt is a belt of large objects, and there's one of them that they found that was three quarters of the size of Pluto that's just outside of Pluto, right before they decided that Pluto's not a planet anymore. There was, like, a lot of debate back and forth. There was a fairly recent decision that they made to stop having Pluto as a planet. And the reason why they made it is like, man, we're going to have to name 100 planets.

There's a whole gang of Plutos out there. So what it is is like, what Pluto is, is like one of the outer edges, one of the outer Kuiper Belt objects. And then since then, they've identified a bunch of Kuiper Belt objects. But from what I understand, one of the first reasons why they suspected

that something with a large amount of mass was way outside of Pluto is because all these objects, it gets to a certain point, and it unnaturally drops off. I think it's called a galactic shelf. And what they were saying is that the most likely reason for that to happen is something really big outside of it with a lot of mass. So something's flying around out there. Wow.

You know? Wow. But that should really surprise us when we look at all those, you know, you look at half the shit that you see in the sky, there's stars. I mean, not half the shit, but there's stars, and there's even other galaxies out there. It's not really, you know, we could look into the, you know, look into the Milky Way and see, I mean, how many stars? If you're in a country road, you know, if you're in some place that doesn't have any light pollution, I mean, they're just clustered and it literally does look like milk. And each one of them could have planets around them. Most of them do, right?

Don't most stars have planets? I don't know. I think they do. I mean, they've identified so many planets now. The idea that, you know, that this is the only one that has something like us seems pretty silly. Yeah, remember they released that telescope, not the Hubble telescope, but the one they sent out to take pictures of Venus and Mars. It was going to hit like five or six of the planets over a hundred years. Yeah, Voyager. Voyager, okay. And eventually it was going to get near Pluto or not,

but it definitely lost contact with them, right? It couldn't send back pictures anymore. And eventually we get, I don't know if it was going to get near Pluto or not, but definitely we lost contact with them, right? Like they couldn't send back pictures anymore. Is that what happened? I don't know. But in that ship, these are all scientists and regular people, they included stuff about humans and their makeup and stuff. They actually made a gold plate that had drawings on it of the shape of men and women. Because at some point they have to think, guys, let's be honest, it's possible.

Yeah. Just in case, let's put some stuff about us. Yeah, exactly. They had a diagram of what planet we came from in relationship to the star. There's no reason to do that if you don't think. It could go all wrong. It's true. And what's really interesting is that the way they wrote it out,

it really looks like something. I mean, it's really cool. Like a drawing of a man and a woman, very simple. The circles that represent the planets. Showing which planet it came from. Really almost like hieroglyphs. It's really kind of badass. I guess it kind of is a hieroglyphs.

It's like this is the simplest, most mathematical way we can tell another race about us. Imagine if we really were the only things in the universe though. That's a real mindfuck. Can you imagine if this life thing is just a real weird aberration? In 30,000 years, somebody just comes across that Voyager and is like, wait, oh yeah, we found it. It'd be some great discovery like the Titanic.

What if it is, what if it really is that human beings, like that we really are only on this planet and we really do only exist to facilitate the invention of some sort of a crazy universe ending device like the next stage of the Large Hadron Collider or some new type of atomic power that just literally blows a hole through the universe. Yeah, I mean what if that really is what people are here for? We really do have some weird, almost parasitic or symbiotic relationship to computers and technology. Once you get into, if that's what we're here for, that sounds like fate. Yeah, it does. But I could say, what if that's our inevitable outcome?

That's one way of looking at it. But, I mean, when you look at a caterpillar, what is it here for? It's here to become a butterfly. I mean, it's not its inevitable fate. It's just, that's what it's here for. It's going to become a butterfly. And then what's a butterfly here for? It's here to become a butterfly. I mean, it's not its inevitable fate. That's what it's here for. It's going to become a butterfly. And then what's a butterfly here for? To die? Probably to be a part of this huge mathematical program that is life, that incorporates wind

and moisture and lightning and bugs and dogs and cats and all these different events happening, all interconnected, millions of events every minute, constantly interacting with each other. That's what a butterfly is. What a butterfly is is a part of this gigantic system. It's no more, no less. What is the significance of its place? I don't know, but it seems like everything is connected in that way.

Everything is. So what we're doing, for sure, is making crazier and crazier shit all the time. You know what I mean? You and I were so fascinated that this podcast was saved. Yeah. Because the iPhone crashed, and we just booted it up to my laptop, and it saved it on the laptop. I mean, we were amazed at that. And we are compelled, and we're drawn to the newest, greatest shit.

Like, oh, cool. And then it does this. Oh, cool. It's like your brain is rewarded with that. We were talking about virtual reality and video games that are so immersive and more exciting than real life. You're being rewarded by making the more you support these things

getting better, the more you purchase them, which more drives the market, which drives innovation. That's how drugs are created too. Exactly. It is like a drug. Is it like Viagra or anything? It's like how much money can we get out of this and that's how much money we'll get towards research. Yes, exactly. You know? Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Anything, high blood pressure, drugs. That's all. We can get a lot of money for this. Yeah. So let's research it. Yeah. Get something. So video games is the same way. They do way more business than movies. It's amazing. We can get a lot of money for this. Yeah. So let's research it. Yeah. Get something. So video games are the same way. They do way more

business than movies. It's amazing, isn't it? Yeah. Now they're through the roof, you know? I mean, now it's like, I mean, they're on

epic levels, man. You know, games like Call of Duty, they just, they do like hundreds of millions of dollars, you know? Yeah.

Constantly selling thousands and millions of copies, man. It's just incredible. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how many copies they've sold worldwide, but, I mean, everybody plays Call of Duty. Yeah.

It has to be millions. It must be millions of people. Yeah, it must be. There's no doubt about it. That's like, there's certain games that are just like Madden. Everybody talks about playing Madden. I mean, how many goddamn fucking episodes is that sold? Or copies is that sold?

It must be fucking millions. Every year they come with a new one. Get people again. That's what we're doing with the UFC game. Every year? Yeah, man. I'm working on that thing. I put in some fucking long days, dude.

Doing commentary for that thing. We do a lot of commentary. I do it sometimes to a point where I can't only do it for like four hours at a stretch. Because it's so intense, you know. It's like you're so pushing and down. It's not like a UFC where it's like mostly downtime.

Right. Well, in the UFC, you know, sometimes nothing's happening. Yeah. This is like if action was happening constantly, every minute for four hours. Oh my God, what a take down. That never happens in the UFC.

You know, the UFC, there's a lot of time where guys are moving around, nothing's happening, you know, you're talking about what this guy needs to do, what that guy needs to do. Have you played that game? I've played it a couple times, yeah. Did you go to the ground or not? No, I'm a spastic. I heard you have to play a bunch of silly rigs and learn the ground and then from there.

I have no idea what's going on. And I'm scared of it. You know, I'm scared of all video games. Because of my quick days, I'll never get fully into a video game. Like, I give myself pool. I allow pool. Because pool, there's like a mind-body connection that's going on, too. There's a zen state that you achieve.

The even or the... Yeah. And it's, you know, that's, to me, beneficial. It's not just... Video games, it's not. It just hurts your body. Well, video games gets me beneficial. It's not just... Video games, it just hurts your body. Well, video games gets me crazy. I remember walking away from Quake, my heart's pounding, my hands are sweating.

You can't sleep after you play. You can't be like, I'll play one more hour then I'll go to sleep. No, I'm not sleeping after that level. Yeah, it's so much fun, man. And they're only getting more and more fun, and they're only getting more and more immersive. I've heard they're really good from the fighters. They say the ground is like really sort of realistic once you get the hang of it.

Wow. Jens Pulver, I did an interview for something for when they put out I think year two. Yeah. So I did interview people outside of Strikeforce event. UFC's like fuck you, we're photobombing your shit. Oh really, that's funny. Asked people about it. So I asked Jens Pulver about it, he was there and he was like yeah, I was playing and you know I took people down. I really get all my my friends like yeah you should definitely have done this more in real life too yeah

you're good at this that's funny that's funny yeah Jens Pulver's a you know a real veteran he's one of those guys that got into that habit of banging with guys you know standing and banging and making the fights exciting for the fans you you know? Yeah. He had a real safety-first style, and then he got criticized for it, and then he changed his style and became a real great... He's the lightweight champion? Lightweight, lightweight. Lightweight, yeah. Yeah, lightweight.

I don't believe it was called lightweight back then, though. I think 155 at one point in time, I think they called it the Bantamweight Championship at one point in time. I forget. I need to go look into that. I might be talking out of my ass. But I do think the names were different. I think the lightweight championship was 170 at one time.

Like when Pat Miletic first won the 170 title, I'm pretty sure it was called lightweight. Really? Yeah. Do they go back and change those when somebody's like for all-time stats? Somebody's like, who was the first lightweight champion? They don't give a... Well, I think by the time Jens Pulver won it,

I think it was lightweight. I think it was lightweight back then. I think he was the first UFC lightweight champion, though. You know what, I'm really, this is sad. Usually I'm pretty good at this stuff, you know, for whatever reason. But he was one of the guys,

yeah, well, retired too, but he was, Jens was one of the guys yeah while retired too but he was Jens was one of the guys that was first that was really good with his hands he was a really good boxer he even had some pro boxing fights

oh really yeah he had some he was those guys those pioneer guys like from that era you know it's like

boy those guys really blazed a trail there was nothing before them you know there was like a few guys that entered into the sport

like by the time Chuck Liddell got in, I mean, it was so new. Randy Couture, it was all so new. 96, it's like three years into the sport being born and created. You know, they were the first guys to try to, like, force their individual skill sets on other people. And a lot of them are still around today, which is the most incredible thing. Yeah. Henderson's still around today, you know? Randy's thing. Yeah. Henderson's still around today, you know.

Randy's still around today. Randy's fighting in Toronto, dude. He's 48. Who's he going to fight? Machida. Is he fighting Ludo Machida? He's fighting Machida. When's he been?

Where's he been, Ludo Machida? He just fought Rampage and lost a close decision. That was his first fight after losing a title? Yeah. Yeah. That's forever ago. Yeah, he had a good fight with Rampage. It was a real good fight.

The first two rounds were real close. In the second round, Lyoto won. He blitzkrieged Rampage, dropped him, got on top of him. It was a real good round for Lyoto. But the first two, Rampage, in a lot of, I guess in the judges' eyes, edged him. Just edged him. Although Lyoto won the third in a pretty good margin, by a good margin,

still Rampage got the decision, and he won the first two rounds, but it was a real close, real close first two rounds, you know? Right. Those are the ones that are like, if the two rounds go either way, then it's like, you don't know what's going to happen.

Well, I think they decided that Rampage was pushing the fight because Liotta moves away. You know, oh, it's gonna happen. Well, I think they decided that Rampage was pushing the fight because Lyoto moves away. You know, Lyoto's pretty tactical in the way he moves. He moves away, but he still punches the fuck out of people moving away. Yeah, I don't think many blows were really landed, clean blows, those first two rounds. Then the third

round, Lyoto really took it over. But it's just crazy that Randy's gonna be fighting him at 48 years of age. Wow. You know, he's a nut, man. Guy's doing movies, and he still wants to get in the cage and punch guys in the face. Yeah, he's hitting a boxer. He's a legitimate top-shelf guy.

Yeah, dude. This ain't James Toney. He's going to fight Machida. 48. Lyoto Machida. Yeah. You know, Machida's so fast with his hands. He's so dangerous.

He knocked out Thiago Silva. Thiago Silva is a tough... When he was undefeated. He knocked him out on the ground. He was blasting him, got him on the ground, and put him away. Bam. Laser beam accuracy. Knocked him the fuck out, man. Thiago's a beast. That guy's a big, tough gorilla.

He's really good. Thiago's a strong guy. The way that guy's a big, tough gorilla. He's really good. Tiago's a strong guy. The way he beat the shit out of Brandon Barrett. Yeah. You know? Beat him apart. His nose was fit. That was the ugliest nose break I've ever seen.

And he got released by the UFC right after that? Well, apparently that release is in dispute now. Because Tiago Silva had two urine samples and one of them tested positive. So I think they're like they're having another test but if it comes to no contest

then Brandon Vera doesn't get cut. Wait, they'll uncut him? Yes. I thought they just cut people because they make a decision like, you know what, you're not competitive enough anymore. I don't think they can if you win. Really? The only thing I think they just cut people because they make a decision, like, you know what, you're not competitive enough anymore. I don't think they can if you win. Really? The only thing I think they can if you win is if you violate some sort of ethics code. What if they give, like, four fight contracts, or three fight contracts, or five fight contracts?

But they have, like, a certain amount of time? I'm sure it's whatever it is, you know. At the end of those fights, they can be like, yeah, we don't want to have any contracts. There must be something that, yeah, but there must be some option that if the fighter loses, then they have an immediate option to cut them. At any time. Yeah, because it's almost always guys that get cut. I mean, I'm sure everybody's contract is different. But with Brandon, I mean, if it becomes a no contest, then he's not.

Then it might be that contractually he's allowed to stay. It might be that because then it's not a loss. I like that. That guy's a cool guy. Brandon's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's having a hard time, man. I don't know what happened. Somewhere along the line, some things changed for him. He was, at one point in time, when he was fighting as a heavyweight, man, he was a killer,

dude. They were talking about him in heavyweight for a while. He smashed Frank Mir. He knocked out Justin Eilers with a head kick. You know, he choked out Oswerio Silva. He was a beast, man. He was a dangerous, dangerous guy. But something happened, and, you know, he lost to Tim Sylvia and broke his hand. And then he lost to Fabricio Berdum.

And then he lost to Jon Jones. The Jon Jones one was a big one, you know. But, you know, he'd lost a few fights already by the time that rolled around, you know. So it's hard. He lost to Keith Jardine at his first 205-pound fight. Is that what happened there? Didn't he lose to Keith? Yeah, I think so.

Pretty sure he did. Yeah, he did. Yeah, Jardine must be so pissed. He just can't get back to the UFC. He cannot get back to it. Yeah, I mean, guys who's beaten are in it. You know, Jardim, I like that guy a lot. Yeah.

He's quite a character. That's one of the cool things about the UFC is all these weird characters you get to meet. Because you can get a person, if you're just fighting mostly, you can get whatever kind of personality you want. Yeah. You don't have to be corporate.

Yeah, yeah. Like Donald Cerrone. He's just a fucking weirdo, man. Yeah. All these people are fucking cool weirdos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a cool cowboy that likes Apple products. He likes computers and shit. Yeah, I love, Cerrone's real, he's an interesting guy to me, too, because he's so, uh, adaptable. You know, he's got a wicked guard and wicked stand-up. And he's hard to take down. And when guys take him down, man, he'll fuck you

up off his back. He's dangerous off his back. There's some guys you get them down on their back and they just kind of hold on. You know, they have a good defensive guard. Maybe they can get up. Maybe they're good at getting back up. But very few guys are really dangerous attacking off their guard like Cerrone is. He's real dangerous off his back. You know who was really good at it?

I saw him fight in Strikeforce. And it was some, like, Lebanese dude. Oh, Gegard Moussa. Yeah, and he was attacking the fuck, and he was punching up from his back. He's Armenian now. Armenian, whatever it is. You know what I mean. Yeah, he's punching up from his back too.

He fought. I thought he was getting the better of that exchange. It's funny that you said that, because that's the exact same discussion that I had with someone else, a very educated guy recently who thought, you know, if you looked at it on paper, you had to give it to him. Yeah, he's on his ground. His back. But on his back means you're susceptible to things. Not that it is bad.

Right. It means you'd be more susceptible. You know, Boss Rootin won the heavyweight championship off his back. Really? Well, yeah. Blasting Kevin Randleman with elbows and punches. And he couldn't stop Randleman from taking him down, but Randleman couldn't stop Boss from fucking him up once he had him down.

At the end of the fight, Boss had landed significantly more stuff from his back, and so the referees and the judges gave it to him. It was a big point of controversy because a lot of people thought Kevin Randleman was on top, he should be winning. But Boss has landed all these shots from the bottom.

Let's say you have my back, which I'm in a really weak position. Let's say you have that for four minutes of a round. Right. And then you cross your fucking feet, and I do one of those moves, whatever that is. The footlock move. Yeah.

It's like, you lost, I won. Right, yeah. So it doesn't matter how long you were, it's like you can say you had a dominant position, but show me with a win or by beating somebody up. Scoring in MMA is a very weird thing. You need to get better at that. That annoys me as a fan.

Yeah, it does annoy me too. There was this Nick Ring and Ricky Fukuda fight this weekend was particularly bad. Fukuda took Nick Ring down every round, looked beautiful takedowns, controlled top position, did an awesome job. He's a wrestler, and he was doing an awesome job of utilizing his skills, and he got robbed in a decision.

It was a lot of people booed. Everyone went crazy. It was real bad. One of the worst ones I've seen. When judges are two rounds off, and that one, like, ooh, that round could go either way. Not like that. Regular round. And when they're two rounds off from each other, it's like, don't the fighters have to know going to the third round if you're up or down?

This is one thing. This is another example of how badass Dana White is. He gave the guy his win bonus. He did? Yes. He gave the guy his win bonus. He felt like the guy got robbed. So he gave both of them a win bonus?

Yep. Yep. He gave him his win bonus. Wow. Yep. I know he did that once when somebody had to pull out. I think it was the other Armenian had to pull out of a fight. And so he was so mad that he gave his opponent his

win bonus. Oh, really? Because it ain't your fault that he pulled out. Oh, was that when Carl had to pull out of a fight? Yeah. I remember that. He had like panic attacks or something. Yeah. He had a bunch of things going on. Yeah. You get your, it's not your fault. You came to fight. Yeah, he's cool like that.

Yeah, he's a very generous guy when it comes to that stuff. It's cool to see, you know., he's cool like that. Yeah, he's, he is a very generous guy when it comes to that stuff. It's cool. It's cool to see, you know. And he's right, you know,

that guy won, man. He shouldn't have got fucked. He got fucked because these judges are incompetent. Like, you're fucking his record up

and there's nothing Danny can do about that. So many competent judges, man, but I honestly think they need to revamp the scoring system. It's like,

we can't, we can't just leave it open to, you open to subjective interpretation of what is more worthwhile. Is it more worthwhile to take a guy down or is it more worthwhile to hit him with a jab? Is it more, you know,

if you hit a guy with a jab and rock him and then he shoots for a takedown and gets on top of you and doesn't do anything, who wins that exchange? I mean, that's a good question. I mean, I think, to me, I think it's clearly the guy who blasted you and then got taken

down. But then he took you down. Even if he's not beating you up when he's got you down, he's holding you and trolling So that's the thing about submission attempts. Like, a failed submission attempt does nothing to you. It's true. Except wears you out a little bit, fighting off a rear nigger or something. But like...

True. But you have to score it because the guy came close. Came close, yeah. Depends, but you also have to be skillful enough to know what close really means. Because it'll be, you know, I'll see a guy when the guy's trying to get him in a Kimura, I'll say he's not going to get this. Or a guillotine. He's pulling in like he's not going to get this.

Go ahead and try, but you're wasting your energy. I know when someone's wasting their energy. I mean, I'm surprised every now and then, but for the most part I know when someone's wasting their energy. And the fighters that are in the weak position know too, like, oh I'm safe here. Right, but some judges don't. Don't know that, yeah. So some some judges would look at that and go he almost got him with that guillotine No, he didn't almost get him with that guillotine. I'm telling you son. He almost got it He was proud that he had it was very close

But the guys good at that technique No You have to be a son who actually trains in jiu-jitsu and trains and striking and it really Understands the subtle nuances in order to judge it and i think you know they think that you can take these people they never even box they just judge boxing and then teach them how to judge mma it's like there's too much shit going on they don't understand they're not going to know near submissions they're not going to know when someone's totally safe they're not going to know when someone's doing a technique wrong and the guy's

never going to tap there Sometimes guys will get certain positions and they'll yank on a technique and I'm like, this doesn't work from this position. This guy's on the wrong side. But the person who's the judge isn't going to know. They don't know that guy's wasting his time. I love that when I'm in a crowd and somebody does something on the ground

and they grab it in an arm and everybody's like, oh! And you're like, shut up. It's got nothing. You get upset. You're a super fan. Quit making get upset. You're a super fan. Quit making me interested. Ari's a super fan.

You've been to so many UFCs, man. Do the whoop. Yeah, I've been to so many. Actually, this is the first one I actually skipped. You've been to more live UFCs as a spectator than I have, man. Oh, yeah. I only got a chance to go to a few of them as a spectator. That's hilarious.

It's true. I don't get the chance to see very many live fights as a spectator. That's hilarious. It's true. I don't get the chance to see very many live fights as a spectator. I only get to see, you know, for me,

it's all calling it and watching it. It's not the same. Yeah. You can't get drunk. You can't get high. Eat popcorn. Yeah, you can't,

you know, talk. Go out to the bathroom. You can't talk. This fight sucks. What are you up to next week? If you talk while the fights are going on either because there's so much action. Just don't stand up. It's so fun, too, to watch out to the bathroom. You can't talk. This fight sucks. What are you up to next week? People don't mind if you talk while the fights are going on either because there's so much action. Just don't stand up.

It's so fun, too, to watch it in the audience. Everybody's in it together and everyone's cheering together. Like, no one understands how great the entertainment value of this is. The music they get. Everything. They don't, like, there's nothing they don't cover. There's nothing I would rather see. People are dancing in their seats.

There's no movie I would rather see that would take place of me going to see some live UFC fights. No way. The greatest movie ever. It's like, come on, man. Avatar is awesome, but it's not Anderson Silva versus Vitor Belfort. I got to watch Clay Guida fight Diego Sanchez. In one of the best fights I've ever seen. Sitting next to Clay Guida's mom while I was on edibles and ecstasy.

And it was the best fun I've ever had in a fight. I was on my knees going, I got the fight. Come on. I'm ready to hear about the fight. That was at the Palm, too. That was the Palm. It was real intimate. And that was the best seats we ever got.

We were front row. The Palm is the shit. The Pearl at the Palm. Everywhere at the Pearl. Yeah. If you're ever in Vegas and you want to go see some fights in Vegas, see the Ultimate Fighter finales. All the ones they do at the Palms. Everywhere at the Pearl. Yeah, if you're ever in Vegas and you want to go see some fights in Vegas, see the Ultimate Fighter finales, all the ones they do at the Palms. That's, to me, the best experience.

And if you go live. Even the shitty seats are really good. Every seat is good. Every seat. It's right above. Yeah, it's the best place. But a lot of times it doesn't have the marquee name fights, though, unfortunately. But still, it's fun,

man. It's fun to be, it's real intimate. I like that intimate show. I like that 4,000 seats or whatever the hell it is.

How many is it? What do you think that is? Palms? Palm? Pearl. 4,000? I don't even know

if it's that big. If you go online you can check. What a perfect design that place is. The way the seats are set up. It doesn't go,

in most places like the MGM, Mandalay, whatever, any stadium, it goes back and out, away from the thing. Yeah. But this, it only goes back like 30 rows or so, and then it goes to the next level. Dude, Cat Williams does stand-up there. Yeah, and Lisa Lampanelli did it too.

God damn. That's a lot of people. In the round, I guess? Is it? No. No. The Pearl? No, because you know the Pearl, there's like bleachers that they have behind.

The set-up bleachers, yeah. It's a set-up on the stage. So that would be backstage. the Pearl, there's like leeches that they have behind. They set up leeches, yeah. It's a set up on the stage. So that would be backstage? Yeah, that would be backstage. They would put curtains up. Wow. Yeah.

Dude, that place is giant. Wow. What's the biggest crowd you ever performed in front of? I think it was this Las Vegas crowd. I think that's 1700. Yeah. I don't think I ever did 1800. I think we had 1800 Cedar, but we didn't fill it up.

Yeah. Where was that? I think the Moore. I think we had 1500 Cedar, but we didn't fill it up. Yeah. Where was that? I think the Moore. I think we had 1500 or something. Yeah. And I think that was the biggest. Yeah. This Vegas one was giant.

Now think about more than twice that is the Palms. More than twice that. Is what? The Pearl. More than twice the Mandalay Bay Theater. Wow. We played that. Jesus.

The biggest thing I ever did is the K-Rock April Foolishness show. I think that's like 6,000 people. 6,000 people. It's huge.

It's really huge. You know. Do you get a little nervous for that? Yeah. It's a lot of people that might not like me. And there was a lot

of good people on the card too. Jay Moore was on. Bill Burr was on. Sarah Silverman was on. I've done them with Patton Oswalt. I've done them with a lot of good people on the card too. Jay Moore was on, Bill Burr was on, Sarah Silverman was on. I've done them with Patton Oswalt. I've done them with a lot of people. It's awesome, man.

It's a fun show. And those guys are huge fans of comedy, so they have all these comics that come on the show all the time so that the audience members totally get used to these people. That's the thing too. I remember reading about this in a, in a, in a Comic Central Last Laughs thing. Just a live event

where they just talk about whatever happened in the year, ask the performers. Right. To wait for them to make money. But, I remember people saying, reviews of it,

and people saying how funny David Cross was and how funny Carlos Mencia was. And it's like, those are such varied tastes. Yeah. Like,

how can we be a fan? It's like, people can laugh at things. Yeah. And so when, like when people say like, you shouldn't like Larry the Cable, that same sort of thing. Right. It's like, people can laugh at things. Yeah. And so when people say, like, you shouldn't like Larry the Cable, it's the same sort of thing.

But it's like, why? Right. The fans like you and him. Right. So, why should they not? Right. What's wrong with that? It's something they're into.

Well, you know, there's always going to be a certain amount of people that like something that's terrible. It doesn't mean you have to be upset by it. You know, you choose what to be upset by in life and what people like. Why would you be upset by what people like? But you don't do it with oral taste. Right. People are like, how do you not like tomatoes?

Well, some people do, though, with meat, man. I've had a lot of annoying motherfuckers who are vegans who won't leave me alone, but it's more of an ethical consideration. Won't leave you alone about what? About eating meat. But it's not about your taste. That's why I've been saying that on stage. I totally went vegan because I found out that if you don't kill animals, they live forever and then they cure cancer. about what? About eating meat. But it's not about your taste. You know, that's why I've been saying that on stage. Like,

I totally went vegan because I found out that if you don't kill animals, they live forever and then they cure cancer. I've been saying that lately on stage when I do my vegan character.

Because, you know, because it's fucking silly, man. These animals are going to die. I mean, I don't believe in animal cruelty, but I think, you know, you've got to eat animals.

They're delicious. I get it. If you don't, because you have empathy, or sympathy with everyone's right. I totally don't think they should suffer. I agree with you on that. I'm into game. I've been buying game lately. What's game?

Game, meat, like venison. I love going to restaurants and ordering venison. I found a place in New Zealand. What animal is that? Deer. Okay. Deer and elk. Really good for you. I have this theory. I've never had elk. It's delicious. Re Zealand. What animal is that? Deer. Okay. Deer and elk. Really good for you.

I have this theory. I've never had elk. It's delicious. Reindeer. Elk is delicious. I have this theory about animals, that the animals that are tough to catch are the ones that are really good for you. Like fish.

Fish are hard to catch, and they're really high in nutrition, very healthy for you, unless they have mercury poisoning from people and their fucking shitty pollution. But grain-fed... Grain-fed fucking shitty pollution. But grain-fed... Grain-fed is not natural. Grain-fed cows... It's not natural for grain, for them to be eating grain. Oh, what is it, organic? When they're all fat and juicy and marbly like that, that tastes good.

It tastes awesome. It's good to cook on the grill, but that's not normal for a cow. But whichever one, free-range, whatever it is, is supposed to be good for you. Like, it helps speed up your metabolism and, like, burn fat. Well, free range beef is grass-fed beef. Grass-fed, that's it. Yeah, it's much better for you. When you're feeding animals these grain-based diets,

they're only doing it to fatten up the animal. Yeah. They only do it. And it's funny because there was a guy, I talked about this on the podcast once, and a guy who's a scientist emailed me a really good description. He actually works for a chicken laboratory, and he explained to me how it all goes down. And he said that chickens, contrary to popular belief, it's not hormones.

You know, chickens, like if you ever watch Food Inc. or any of those documentaries, they get super huge, and they can't even walk. But really, it's just breeding. They just breed them to get that big. But with cows, they pump cows full of all kinds of shit. and they can't even walk. But really, it's just breeding. They just breed them to get them big. But with cows, they pump cows full of all kinds of shit. They pump them up full of all kinds of steroids. Oh, really?

And he said the thing with antibiotics is you're supposed to, like, say if your chickens need X amount of days to grow, well, when you give them antibiotics, you have to cut. Like, you can't, you're not allowed to bring them to slaughter for, like, 20 days or whatever the hell it is. Because it's got to work through their system. So when people are unscrupulous, then they'll kill a chicken, even though they know that the antibiotics don't exist. And then it can get in your system. And then, you know, hormones and all sorts of other types of things can get in your system from beef and shit.

Same way. It's weird because people, this reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Bart went to France to work on a winery and they didn't have enough grapes to fill up all their stocks, so they used turpentine to fill up the rest. He goes, these idiots, they will not know. Oh, that's funny. But the law came down on them. But yeah, it's the weirdest thing. It's like, it's not, when people, when I grew up, when people said,

no, you need only grass-fed beef, you need only natural, it's this idea of like, natural's better, but sort of like a zen-y kind of thing, spiritual. But it's like, then you think about it, and I saw this video, and it sort of changed me a little bit, where it's like, no, no, it is different for your body.

One is good for your body, this type of beef that comes from grass-fed, and one is bad for your body. That's interesting. I've never heard that before. I know it's leaner protein. They said it helps burn fat. Really? Is it that, raw almonds? But they said not baked almonds or salted almonds, only the raw ones. Huh. Well, I need to look into that with grass-fed beef because I've never heard that before. But my theory about game has always been that deer are really hard to catch, elk are really hard to catch and that like there's like a

great reward for catching them they're very nutritious you know it's like a very lean and high in protein and I think fish in the same way I mean we figured out how to catch salmon in the wild are better for you than salmon when it's easier to catch them when they're sitting there. Farmed salmon yeah. This is the weirdest thing. They have a different color. Yeah they have to put in salmon they put dye in it to make it pink because they've lost their color, their life color. Yeah. The life color that they get from being wild, wild as fuck out there killing minnows and

shit. That's the strong survive. Fine for survival. It's a shark. That's why they're so good to catch because salmon are so fucking strong. That's why they're so fun. Now, they're not just delicious. They fight hard.

You know, salmon fight hard. It's awesome to catch them. We really got to do that. We really got to go to Alaska and probably do fun. Now, they're not just delicious. They fight hard. You know, salmon fight hard. It's awesome to catch them. We really got to do that. It's so exciting. We really got to go to Alaska and probably do that. Dude, we should. I love fishing, man. Fishing is fun as fuck.

I used to love rainbow trout fishing, which is similar to salmon. They fight so hard, man. We used to catch them all the time at, God, what's the name of the place? Jamaica Pond on Jamaica Plain. Jamaica. Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts. We'd go to Jamaica Pond and catch rainbow trouts. Fucking big ones, too, man. Jamaica Pond. Jamaica Plain. Jamaica. Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts. We'd go to Jamaica Pond and catch rainbow trouts. Fucking big ones

too, man. It was fun. You know? Caught a big brown trout there once. It was like three pounds. I was like, holy shit. Wow. Yeah, it was so fun. You know, catching trout, trout, like, they're such beautiful creatures. Trout and salmon, you know, they have magical colors to them, you know? Um, there's that

one fish that we were trying to catch the time we went in Anchorage. We caught salmon for a while, and then we were supposed to catch halibut. Halibut, yeah. Which are humongous. And it's not like, I got one.

Wait five minutes. I got another one. It's like you go after one for a while. Yeah, they can be hundreds of pounds. Yeah, and once you even catch them on a line, then it's a wrestling for tiring them out because you'll just break your line. Yeah, isn't that crazy?

That's like, whoa. Pull them out because you'll just break your line yeah isn't that crazy that's like whoa pull them out of the water yeah it's a and they're delicious too halibut is delicious you know there's something about catching something and then eating it i was in mexico and cancun and i went to uh we got on a boat and caught these mahi mahi and then they cooked them up literally an hour after they were dead we were eating them i mean maybe two hours after they're dead maximum and it was so good the nick adams stories is this is hemingway uh this set of short stories are all sort of about him but he talks about like he grew up like on reservations like near reservations hang out with

indians all the time and uh he was talking about how if he fished he didn't understand why if you fish and fry them up immediately it was so much better until way later in life and he said, that's just the thing. Yeah. But yeah, I guess it's like, yeah, the fresher they are, it's different than like. You catch a trout and then cook it, like get a fire going and then cook it like right after you catch it. Yeah, I think fresh water is a lot better for that.

Yeah. That salt water for some reason. I don't know, fresh water, it's very important to eat them fresh. Eat them immediately. They get game better for that. Yeah. That saltwater for some reason. Freshwater, it's very important to eat them fresh. They get gamey pretty quick. I think saltwater, saltwater probably you have a little bit more time. Maybe. I mean, maybe I'm just guessing. But saltwater is so mysterious to me.

Freshwater is fun because, you know, there's some great fun fishes to catch, like largemouth bass and trout and stuff like that. But saltwater is so crazy because you don't know what the fuck is out there you're in the ocean man you know i mean you might pull up a grouper or something you know what's a grouper a big giant bass looking thing you know especially if you're in like florida or somewhere tropical holy shit you can catch anything man sharks you can catch sharks you can catch sea bass i mean there's a huge variety of fish a whale came up like 20 yards off our boat Jesus Christ a killer whale or a whale whale?

just a whale 20 yards? that's so close it was a little baby whale but it was a giant thing it just kind of went up and splashed down we're like that's right there we have our line in the same water as him it's weird that we distinguish them like what's smart and what's not smart.

You know, like whales. We discourage people from whaling. And one of the reasons, not just that they're endangered, people, you know, we feel like we shouldn't kill them. They're intelligent. They're closer to us.

Yeah. In some way. It's weird because we have the opposite for retards. We shouldn't kill them because they're not intelligent. It's true. Only kill intelligent opposite for retards. We shouldn't kill them because they're not intelligent. It's true. Only kill intelligent people. That's a good point. What is it about whales that the Japanese don't give a fuck about?

They just kill the shit out of whales. They're like, idiots. They're not as smart as us. Okay? Relax. They're not us. Yeah, they don't fall into that at all. Dolphins or whales.

They fuck dolphins up too. Yeah. Did you watch The Cove? Did you see The Cove? No, I never saw it. I didn't see it either. I haven't. I haven't watched it. I you watch The Cove? Did you see The Cove? No, I never saw it. I didn't see it either. I haven't. I haven't watched it. I'm scared to watch it because I know what it's about. It's all about swattering dolphins.

For game? For sport? No, the tuna fishermen do it. They do it because the dolphins eat their tuna. I mean, look at it that way. I see what they're saying. They need these tuna. God damn, it's so ruthless. I've seen some videos online of them killing tunas or killing rather dolphins. They just go into the hangout and they just fucking start spearing them?

Yeah. Well, the footage that I've seen is them cutting a dolphin's throat off on a dock, just slicing his throat. The thing's alive and it's dying and kicking and blood's pouring out. How do they get it up on a dock? They hoisted it up. Just cut his neck open and bled him out. How do they get it up on the dock? They hoisted it up. That's funny.

Just cut his neck open and bled him out. It's really hard to watch, man. Is dolphin meat any good? I don't know. I've never heard of anybody eating it. I know they eat whale. Shark meat, I know.

Shark is delicious. Alistair Overeem eats shark and horse meat. Horse meat? I was just thinking about it the other day. Is that good? That's always the... It's horse meat. It's just thinking about that the other day. Is that good? That's always the, like, it's horse meat, it's filler. People shit on that, but is it good?

You know, Alistair says there's a lot of protein in it, and it's like you get power from it. They seem like strong as fuck. Yeah. Like, you see a horse racing in slow motion, like, those are muscles. That looks like delicious beef. There's a horse down the street from my house, and it just sits in its yard. It barely moves. Just stands still, and then they take it for a ride every now and then.

And this thing is swole. It's yoked. Super strong. Just naturally super strong. And no working out. Not really. I mean, it's always in that cage. You would think to look like that, you would think that thing has to be at the gym all day.

You know? But no, it's just standing there. Just giant, rippling, shiny muscles. Jesus. I think we're, right now it's kind of late at night, unfortunately. It's, what time is it here? This thing only says what time it is. Well, we're at 1.41, which means, yeah.

It's 8.39, a lot of these people are going to sleep there's lights out around us and we're being loud as fuck so we will end this podcast on a plane thank you everyone and Ari Shafir's new podcast will be called The Skeptic Tank because of my love for shit

the fan suggested it and because I like to skeptically think about subjects. Hmm. Intelligent analyzation. Analysis. Whatever. Anyway, it's connected to the Death Squad podcast chain that Brian has put together, so if you go to DeathSquad.tv, I think Brian has them listed up there.

Is that what it is? DeathSquad.tv? DeathSquad.tv. Is that what it is? DeathSquad.tv? And then also DeathSquad on iTunes. If you go to iTunes through the iTunes store, it's for free. And you can find the DeathSquad podcast and just find Ari's, and you can listen to those individually.

And all right, so that's it, folks. Thank you for tuning in. Oh, I have to thank the Fleshlight, even though I don't have one here. And this is an impromptu podcast. They do sponsor us and we appreciate them. So go to Fleshlight.com. Would you use it on an airplane bathroom? Yeah, I'd use it in an airplane bathroom. But I would have to warm myself up before I did it. And I think that would... Stretches and stuff? No, it would have to be like three quarters hard at least before I got out of my seat. And then in walking to the bathroom, I'd probably lose at least half of that. So it's like... Got to be a one and a quarter.

And then I'd have to go in somehow with some sort of a bag hiding this enormous flashlight. But yeah, I would use it. I've jerked off in bathrooms in the planes before. Yeah, me too. How many times? For a while, it was a sport for me. I was trying to see when they say, we're now flying over Arkansas. I'm trying to see, when they say, we don't know, I'm flying over Arkansas. I'm like, ooh, Arkansas. Never beat off over there.

So I try to run to the bathroom, you know. A little check map of everything. And on that note, so if you go to joerogan.net and click the link for Fleshlight, you can put in the code name Rogan and you get 15% off. And we got a bunch of podcasts this week.

Tomorrow, which is Monday, Duncan Trussell will be on. And then Friday, we got Brian Cowan. And we got a bunch of podcasts this week. Tomorrow, which is Monday, Dunk and Trussell will be on. And then Friday, we got Brian Callen. And then next week, we're going to try to do Ari and Joey again because the last time we did it, the power went out. So that's it.

Thanks, everybody. Thank you, everybody that came out to Sydney. We had a great fucking time. Yeah, awesome. Thank you very much, guys. And holla at your boy. Love you, bitches. This special edition of the Joe Rogan Experience,

like all of the episodes of the podcast, is sponsored by the number one male sex toy, the Fleshlight. If you go to joerogan.net, click on the banner on the right side that says Fleshlight. And if you buy something, use the coupon code ROGAN to save you 15%