The Joe Rogan Experience - #855 - Tom Segura & Christina Pazsitzky

Episode Date: October 3, 2016

Tom Segura & Christina Pazsitzky are stand-up comedians, and together host their own podcast called "Your Mom's House" availabe on Spotify. http://www.yourmomshousepodcast.com

Tommy, what are you drawing? I'm just writing down Kapisco chairs. Oh yeah, from Ergo Depot. Oh, that's me. How rude of me. Ergodepot.com Ergo Depot is the company that provided us with these. I fucking love these chairs. I'm not getting paid

for this ad. This isn't even an ad. I just tell people, if you have back issues, get a really good ergonomic chair. It makes a fucking giant difference. because for me, I'm sitting in this thing when I do podcasts for three hours in a setting

and my back doesn't bother me. When I would use a regular office chair, I would sit in it for an hour and I'd start getting knotted up. When the podcast was over, I'd have to grab like a ball and rub my back out. Not with these.

And I think it's better for my back. I think it acts, when you force yourself to sit in a good posture, I think it's like an exercise for your back.. Not with these. And I think it's better for my back. I think it acts, when you force yourself to sit in a good posture, I think it's like an exercise for your back. Let's do it. And the more you do it, like I'm super conscious of it now. Yeah.

Because I've always had super bad posture. I used to slump and then lean my head forward. Those are two terrible things that I would do. That's how I sit during our show. Yeah, you have bad posture. I practically lay down. So bad to do. It looks terrible too. You know, I would do it when I would write

too, and it would bind up in the top of my back, so if I'd write for a few hours, I'd be like, oh. But ever since I got these things, man, you know what else is really good? A ball. Just one of those blow-up balls. To sit on those? Yeah, those workout balls. Do you find that it carries over to, like, when you sit somewhere

else now, you have better posture because of this? Oh, totally. Yeah, this is how I sit now. I try to, at least. Except when I'm, for whatever reason, I don't enjoy television like this. You gotta slouch, right? Yeah, if I'm watching Narcos, I gotta have, like, feet up, I gotta be kicked back. Do you love it? Isn't season

two so good? God, it's so good. There's rumors about the next three or four seasons what they're gonna do that because supposedly as you would say thank you um they're supposed to do the the rumor was that they're gonna go do a miami season because now the whole cartel battle goes to miami and like uh griselda blanco and stuff she's's my favorite. And then season four or five would be how the Mexican cartels took over. Oh my God.

And like El Chapo and stuff. Oh, of course. My uncle. Billy Corbin, my friend who's been on this podcast before, is a guy who made Cocaine Cowboys 1 and 2. If you haven't seen them, just stop what you're doing. They're amazing. You watch that documentary and you just go, what the fuck?

Unfortunately, he's a Miami graduate, but he's a nice kid. Is this a Florida rivalry talk? Of course. Y'all guys got Florida rivalries? Yeah. He's lucky. They're good this year. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Wait, is that the one with Griselda and her suitor and their love story? Yes. That was so cool. Jamie Cosby or something like that. His name was Cosby. Really? Yeah, yeah. The guy that ends up, like, falling, you know, whatever, seeing her while she's locked up

in Cocaine Cowboys 2. His last name is Cosby. I remember that. Oh, that's right. He was the guy that was like her boyfriend outside but she found out he was banging other chicks and she got real pissed and when he started seeing her he was like i just want to make money and i'm trying to move weight and she was like what do you want and he's like a kilo and she like had someone drop off like five kilos

to start it off and he was like oh my god and then whoa that dude was really trafficking it's a real love story yeah it's a beautiful story. Oh, look at that. Yeah, there it is. Her and him. There it is. Bill Cosby's son. Charles Cosby.

Charles Cosby. Slinging that good dick. How much to bang Griselda? He must, listen, for that guy, that's the goddamn lottery. Yeah. Oh, it was. It was. Yeah.

You get hard for her. You'll figure out a way. This is all pre-Viagra, too. And they're doing coke. Look at that. Look at the making out there. You get hard for her. You'll figure out a way. This is all pre-Viagra, too. And they're doing coke. Look at that. Look at the making out there. Ooh. Good for her.

Yeah. Griselda was so fucking crazy. Yeah, dude. She's bad. I never heard that story until... There's so many pictures. Until Cocaine Cowboys. I had never heard of this.

Never heard it either. So good. It's such a good documentary. She got killed just a couple years after she got out. She went back to Columbia. Mm-hmm. Got killed. She went back and they had pictures of her out on the street.

That's perfect, right? J-Lo's going to play her. Yeah, she looks exactly like her. What? I know. J-Lo has a perfect face. Yes. Look at that face.

She really does. No wonder why she's so needy. Yeah. She's carrying around the Willy Wonka golden ticket. You better listen, bitch. Look at this face. Look at this ass.

It's kind of crazy to have that much power. That girl has like a... She's like a hypnotist. Yeah. If she stares at you, you'd be like, I mean, me and my wife aren't getting along that good.

She's all right. She's so hot. Yeah. I mean, come on, man. Yeah, and she's been doing it for a minute, too. She's like 50 years old. No. Yeah, she's in her late 40s.

Gotta be. Wow. And she's a dime piece. You know what I just remembered about Griselda from that documentary is that she named her son Michael Corleone. Oh, did she really? Yeah. Wow. That's a really good name for a kid. We were thinking of naming our next child Carl's Jr. Yeah, that'd be

kind of a good name. I don't know if this is true or if it's just a rumor, but the rumor was that J-Lo's boyfriend, who's this 28-year-old handsome dancer fella, he wanted to go to the UFC, and she told him that he had to come with her to some charity thing in New York, and he said, no, I'm going to the fights, and she broke

up with him. Whoa. She tells you what to do. She tells you where to go, you gotta go with her. Yeah, of course. You have to go with her. This is the rules. Your little dance, that's her little, you gotta go with her. Yeah, of course. You have to go with her. These are the rules. Your little dance, that's her little, you know. Yeah, exactly. Lap dog.

Background dancer. You're here to fuck me, look good, and you come to charity events. Yeah. That's the deal. Those relationships get super weird in the 60s. Like, once you get to Griselda's age, that's when those relationships get real weird. You mean as the hot woman? When the woman no longer is hot.

Yes, I think your life falls apart. If that's all you've banked on your whole life, you don't, you know. Yeah. If someone's 20, 30 years younger than you. Well, it's not just that, right? I mean, if your entire thing is based on what you look like. Yeah. If that's all you've really paid attention to and that's what you really rock is just that.

Not your personality, not your your enjoyment or your hobbies or anything like that you not only does it take it away from you but you've had it your whole life so you're accustomed to people approaching you and communicating you with like extreme like niceness and kindness and desire and men are just tripping over themselves to be with you like you have a magic potion that you put on not only does that go away but you become repulsive right yeah as it all starts it gets weird and if you if you can't buy into it if you want to extend your ears then you start getting your face cut open yeah you start getting weird shit done. You start getting your lips done.

You have a mouth that goes ear to ear. Yeah. Like they keep pulling their face back until their mouth keeps growing. Yeah. Yeah, I think there's a certain something to surrendering to your age, right? It's a far better alternative.

A far better alternative to be the dignified older woman who hasn't had her face fucked up yeah a handsome older woman yeah that's what i'll be handsome it's um it's it's just a thing that we haven't like even if you've been they i guess they've probably been doing surgery on people's faces for like 20 years or 30 years right how long how long ago do you think they started i think probably in the between 30 and 40 years yeah with the like that it's you're still an early adopter oh yeah well you see like now the move is if you're gonna do that it's the mild right it's the type of the facelift or the nose job where you go something looks different but you can't tell that's a

that's a primo job yeah when you see somebody you're like jesus's a that's a primo job. Yeah, when you see somebody you're like Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's oh my god Look at this Egypt 3000 BC so you're close two years before we get 70s I don't trust like Botox and shit. I know they're like it's fine. You can inject botulism in your face with no repercussions I just don't it's not it can't be fine. It can't be fine. It's got to be toxic. It's going to melt your face off.

We're going to have a bunch of women with melted faces in a few years. There's a bunch of doctors right now that are mad at us because we don't know what we're talking about. Of course. But I got to assume,

just assume, that if you're paralyzed in your fucking face, that's shining good. That's weird, too. You talk to people who can't do that. You know?

Yeah. They're a little too shiny yeah oh yeah yeah something happens there it's like they look too shiny like why is your head so shiny yeah it doesn't move and it's shiny plus you know there's a time in a season to be the hot chick like i love i love pamela anderson we we all did do but like i know there there was a time where she didn't surrender. Like, you're the hot chick for a minute, and then you're just not. It's gotta be tough to give up, though.

It's gotta be tough. Yeah. Psychologically, that rush you get from all that attention, as that, you don't get that feeling anymore, that's gotta be really hard to deal with, you know? Oh, yeah, I could only imagine. I mean, how could you... I don't think... I mean, how could you... I don't think...

I mean, there's probably very few things in life that are like that. You just don't get back. You know what it's probably similar to? An aging rocker, where you play out, you know, you're playing stadiums, and people are like...

You get that adoration of everyone coming to your shows, and it's like, eh, maybe you don't you don't move the tickets anymore or you just stop touring like there's gonna be an adjustment it's not just stadiums to okay i just don't do that anymore because it's too much of a rush yeah yeah for sure pick up heroin but see some aging rock stars for some reason or another they still pull it off like like mick Jagger can still pull it off.

It's not just that he can't. He, first of all, goes out and still does it and puts on the great show, but I think the reason that he does is because you don't want to give up that rush, that feeling of playing the stadiums. Probably. And it's also probably fun. Right. Really fun.

How is it not fun to be Mick Jagger? Bossing your ass. Apparently he works out like twice a day. Really? Apparently he's a freak. He's super disciplined. He does yoga and push-ups and sit-ups and all kinds of crazy shit and runs. Wow.

Yeah. Apparently he's- 70-something. He's old as fuck. Yeah. Because apparently he's super dedicated to exercise. You think Keith has the same workout regimen or not? old as fuck. Yeah. Because apparently he's super dedicated to exercise. You think Keith has the same workout regimen? 100%.

Yeah. Yeah. He's probably not doing heroin anymore. Probably not. They don't live that long if they do. Heroin people. Right? Might be that good heroin.

Oh, there he goes. So here he's doing sit-ups. Wow. And apparently, like, look at all his dance moves. I mean, what fucking seven-year-olds can dance like that that are men? Look at him. I know. There's also, like, a flexibility to his spine that you rarely see.

Like, how old is Mick Jagger? Let's guess. Let's guess. I'm guessing 74. I'm going to guess 73. 68. He's my dad's age. You think so?

Yeah. Button your lips, baby. Button your coat. 73. Who nailed it? Oh, I did. You nailed it. Beautiful. Bam.

You used my guess. Whatever. How many 73-year-olds move like that? No, my dad doesn't. Come on, man. When you're 73, that shit is done. Yeah. How many 73-year-olds move like that? No, my dad doesn't. Come on, man. When you're 73, that shit is done. And he's like slinky. Yeah.

He's got like a little thing to it. James Brown was moving real crazy. That was from drugs, though, right? He's crazy. He was doing shit. That wasn't yoga, man. Somebody 25 can't pull off Half of this shit You know

Well he was a freak Yeah he's a freak And he probably just did it He probably tore his hips apart Well so did Prince Prince did Prince tore Really

And he was still doing Yeah Those little toes Were moving around still All the time Well Prince Used to do like Crazy dance stuff

Where he would spin around Do the splits Is this James Brown? Come on, man. Oh, shit. James Brown gives you dancing. Are you playing this? Look at this guy.

What? Okay, there's no volume, so we're just watching him dance. What, dude? Christ. Oh, well, he had some crazy moves, too. But this is a different style of dance that existed in 1960s black America. And he was the fucking man. The man, dude.

60s black America. And he was the fucking man. The man, dude. Do you ever see him in Africa when he played the concert in Zaire before Muhammad Ali fought Joe Foreman? Or George Foreman? Mm-mm. Dude.

Dude. Really? Yeah. It's him in Zaire. James Brown's one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. Without a doubt. For sure. Just a freak of freaks.

Yeah. Out of his mind. People are just basically, you know, all soul R&B artists are just trying to do a version of what he did. There was nobody before him

like that. Like, you have to put it into context. You know, when he would come out with those capes on and shit like that. Yeah,

this is in Zaire 1974. What was happening? That shit? Yeah. Does it say sex on here? Because I've seen one of those. Look at the size of his ass. What was happening? Look at this. Yeah. Does it say sex on here? Because I've seen one of those. Look at the size of his ass. I didn't know he had such an ass.

What's it say on his? Is that what he said? This is 76. How old do you think he was back then? He's probably 40. Man. He was a bad motherfucker. Look at that mustache.

Look at his gear, dude. Look at his hair. Everything. It's glorious. At the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, they uh basically the same outfit he has on there but the bedazzled word is just sex and he used to wear that that's what he used to say something says on his stomach right now i think it says gfos yeah what does that mean what does that mean is that george foreman george foreman original george foreman grill the? He's probably the first one.

A lot of black guys love acronyms like that. Yeah. You think it's a black thing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard people do, that are really into positive thinking, they do fame. Right.

Forgive anyone mentioning Everglades. There's always like some ridiculous one. What is GFO? Does anybody speak? Godfather of Soul. Oh, I knew it. Oh, Godfather of Soul. Fear, false evidence appearing real.

Right, right. Right. Right? Yeah. That's all those weirdos On Instagram That post the inspirational Slash aggressive shit Keep pushing

Yeah It's important Stay positive Yeah From the training To the rapping I keep pushing I appreciate the sentiment

But it is corny You know what's a really funny bit About that Is Chris D'Elia He did a really funny bit About About You know

About those Hashtag motivation people It's really funny Yeah It's a good bit man I gotta see it I haven't seen it It's a funny bit about about you know about those hashtag motivation people it's really funny it's a good bit man i gotta see it i haven't seen it it's funny bit but it's it's it's a double-edged sword because on one hand i appreciate people that are exercising taking care of themselves i appreciate people that are motivating people but it's fucking still cheesy it's still silly i had this lady one time come to a show that I did in Cleveland

and she was in a wheelchair and she started to, oh, she bought, I was selling like CDs. This is like seven years ago. And she's like, let me get 10. And I was like,

you want 10? And I was like, all right. And I sold them to her. And then the next day she comes and she buys 10 more. And I go, all right. I I sold them to her. And then the next day she comes and she buys 10 more. And I go, all right. I can't let you keep buying this.

Like, I'll just give them to you. No, I want to support you. And then she would start to write. Like, she did that to open up the, like, email exchange. Uh-huh. And then started to email me, like, ask me questions. And then download about just everything that was bothering her and things that are bad in her life and then i'm gonna have this procedure done

oh yeah i remember this check i was like i'd be like all right you know i'd communicate with her and then i go back and she comes again to the first show and i go uh well you know i just i'm glad that um you you look like you're all right. And, you know, the other thing I like about you is you're not into all those, like, inspirational quotes. I just told her that. And she goes, I love inspirational quotes. And I was like, oh. Why did you bring that up?

I don't know. I think because I hate it. I hate it. And I was just thinking about, like, she doesn't do, like, keep your head up stuff. Like, she didn't do that. Oh, right. I was like, you know, you're positive without having to remind everybody about it. And she's like, no, I love that stuff.

And I was like, ooh. Oh. What? Was that it? No, she was like, I'm getting my leg removed next week. Yeah. And I was like, Jesus. And then she was like, I have one of my kidneys I already took out.

And my son is in Afghanistan. He got shot. I'm like, I don't know what else to tell you. You want a CD? I was talking to a dude this weekend who was a doctor. He was telling us about a surgery that they had to perform on this woman. She had to get her leg removed. So they had to cut through bone and meat and hack this woman's leg off for some medical reason.

I don't know what the reason was. So they're in the middle of doing this procedure. They remove her leg, and he turns around, and the doctor that he's with has the leg over his head. He goes like this. Whoa. Like he's doing some crazy caveman joke in the operating room. Oh my God.

When they just remove this lady's leg, he's got it over his head and he's going. Like he's going to eat her or something. It's fucking, it's's hilarious but super disturbing super disturbing yeah but i guess i mean you're just over it when you do it enough look at him joking around about it it's not gonna make her leg no yeah not grow back no i mean she's already you ever witness surgery you ever go in and observe surgery i saw my own surgery what's my own surgery really yeah my knee done. My first knee operation, I wanted to watch it.

So they gave me an epidural and I watched it. What do you think? It's interesting. It's gnarly though, right? Well, it's interesting to look at your body. Like the joints, they seem like when you're getting operated on, they're fixing something. The joints seem like a hinge instead of like a part of your body. Like you see it as, you know, you see what a joint actually is.

When you see the tissue in there, because it was a complicated procedure. It's called a patella tendon graft. They open up your knee like a fish. And then they take a chunk of your patella tendon, which is your big thick, this one that's in the front. It's pretty thick. And you don't need all of that. So they take like a third of it. And then they open you up.

And then they screw it into the bone on the top and screw it into the bone on the bottom. And then they stitch it all up. And it was so weird to watch them do that. And it was so much better after that surgery? Oh, yeah. It was fucked before the surgery. It was wobbly wait a minute so there but you're watching and they're cutting into you and you have no feelings

because they when i was birthing our son there she's like do you want a mirror to see his head i was like no let's keep going like no fuck no so i mean um that's pretty amazed that you were able to look at your own body i wanted to to see it. Yeah, I was hoping. I was never going to do this again. I'm like, well, if I'm going to do this, I want to watch it. I observed a full day of surgery. A full day? An entire day.

I saw eight operations when I was a freshman in high school. I had the illusion that I would be a doctor. Really? I'm going to be a doctor. What kind of doctor would you be my uncle was a doctor he set me up at the uh mayo clinic in jacksonville and so i meet this guy and i was pretty big kids so they're like what college do you go to i was like no i'm in high school and they're like okay you ready to see this like they thought i was a little more and the first one we see is a woman

who's spread eagle she's 80 and they're removing a cyst from her vagina and here's the thing he goes so he comes over because it he comes over to me and i'm with my dad and he goes hey don't make any like jokes while you're in here and i go what are you talking about he goes she's awake so if you're like oh look at her old pussy she's gonna hear it and i'm like okay and i go look at that old pussy no but the best they they go in gnarly they fucking open up the cyst is the size of a softball oh my god and so the guy's like this is the biggest cyst we've ever seen has the has another nurse go get a camera, starts documenting. He's like, this is going to be in a journal.

This is incredible. Then they rupture it and it's just shooting pus out of there. Have you ever gone to drpimplepopper.com? No! Oh boy. Headphones, please. We're going to introduce you to the world of Dr. Pimple Popper.

She's a lady on Instagram, and I'm obsessed with her page. She's got millions of followers, too. Really? All she does is, her YouTube videos and her Instagram videos are all just her popping cysts. And it is strangely, strangely fast.

Oh, no! I don't know! I don't know! Dr. Sandra Lee. Hello, Sandra. Millions of views on Instagram, millions of views on YouTube. Oh, no, not yet. Wait till you see it. You're not going to barf yet.

So right now she's cutting into this woman's back who has what looks like a small frog growing in her back. So she's like cutting the top of it off cutting a chunk of the meat Cutting it yet right this is yeah, because she wants to remove it in one chunk like sometimes she can get him She's opening it up right now with these scissors. This is not the most satisfying because this right now We're just looking at surgery you okay? The most satisfying, because this right now, we're just looking at surgery. You okay, Christina? I don't know.

I don't like it. Why are you so freaking out? Because it just, huh? So she's snipping. Why you got to be so nasty, Joe? I have seen so many people get cut and knocked unconscious and beat up. I'm not averse to looking at a cyst. Now, look how nasty this is once she starts squirting. Here we go.

Here we go. I don't know. I don't know. Come on. Well, look how nasty this is once she starts squirting. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. I don't know. I don't know. Come on. Well, thank you. Oh. Oh, God. What in the fuck is happening?

That's a CNN enemy coming out of that person's body. Oh, I'm going to vomit. No, wait. I think that's a back. Is that a back cyst? What is that? Sorry to tell. What is a cyst? It's just nasty. I don't know. It's just nasty tell what is this then what is a cyst it's just

nasty i don't know it's just nasty shit i don't know what a cyst is that was huh i think it's dead skin i read about one of these recently because i was watching that well why don't you just google it i did oh i can't oh oh well we'll find out we did so much speculation we did a podcast this weekend without Jamie on the computer. And we were asking questions and no one ever answered the questions. We just said it was like 100% misinformation. I heard it was like this. Do you want to look?

Hey, Jamie, I think we're all good. We're good. I got it. Thanks. I'm just going to get to the end of it. You really? Some of them are fucking unbelievable. There's more in there.

Yikes. I don't know. That's like trash. I don't know. It's like trash. I don't know. It's like you're trashing your body. There's still five minutes left on this video. I'm going to throw up, man. Really?

Yeah. That doesn't do a damn thing to me. You just had a baby. Yeah. You should be durable now. I am, but this is like... Look at the hole. Yeah.

It's crazy how big that hole is. That's a goddamn gaping hole. See, that's fine. I don't like the stuff coming out yeah that's the gnarly part i wonder why she had to do it that obviously i'm not a doctor i'm not criticizing her technique but i wonder um why you have to take a chunk out of the skin unless instead of like making like a little hatch like you remember those um you know like old school Old school pajamas. That's a good size cape, dude. Yeah. That's a small fish. Yeah.

Oh, for the love of mommy. You got to get that last part out, that sack that it's all holding in. And that hole is just what's left over after you get everything. I heard that they don't actually know what causes cysts. Oh, how comforting. Yeah. They don't know anything. Oh, you're just growing a golf ball-sized bag of pus on your head.

Nobody knows anything. What's this from? No, we don't know. And people grow them in weird spots, too. They don't even anything. Oh, you're just growing a golf ball-sized bag of pus on your head. Nobody knows anything. What's this from? No, we don't know. And people grow in weird spots, too. They don't even know why. Yeah. You grow weird spots on the top of your head and shit. Yeah.

It's just cells, right? Like, they overgrow and they're not cancerous, hopefully. Let's do it. Here we go. A member... Ooh. Membrania... Membranous?

Membranous? Membranous. Membranous. In the body, a membranous sac or cavity membranous membranous in the body a membranous sack or cavity of abnormal character containing fluid

a tough protective capsule enclosing the larva of a parasitic worm oh no so yeah I guess it's a

a cavity containing fluid and they use the word fluid super loosely yeah that's a good point it's

you know it's not like a snapple. It's fluid. Yeah. It's fucking pus. It's not fluid. It's like a whipped cream like pussy nastiness. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. My God. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's not good. Nah, no bueno. Not on your vagina too.

That's, I imagine. This lady's, I still remember it. It was massive. Wear on your vagina, too. That's, I imagine. This lady's, I still remember it. It was massive. Where on her vag, on the outer part, so everybody could see, or inside? It was inside, but then they had her in some way where they could push back, and you could see it coming out of the side, you know, coming, like on the wall, in her wall. On her wall.

Yeah. Okay. So, like a speculum, like they opened her up? Mm-hmm. Wow. That's gnarly. Yeah. Blah. I wonder if she- Now, it really had fluid, though. I do rememberulum? Like they opened her up? Mm-hmm. Wow. That's gnarly. I wonder if she... Now, it really had fluid, though.

I do remember that. It wasn't like this. Right. It really was like a stream coming out. I hate to be disrespectful, but do you think it made her pussy tighter? I think so. Seems like it would. It's a really good question.

Yeah. I don't see how it could not. It must have. I mean, if you had it in your mouth, it'd be sure tough to swallow. Oh, right. Imagine if you got it in your box.'d be sure tough to swallow imagine if you got it in your box I think that's how they said snug it up they discovered it because their husband was like it's just extra tight

he's like oh shit baby get up get on up get on up do you guys remember when James Brown went on that shooting spree because someone used his toilet? Someone took a shit in his personal bathroom? You don't remember this?

He got in a shootout with the cops. He drove off with a shotgun. He threatened someone with a gun in the office for shitting in his toilet. And then he got in a car, a high-speed chase with the cops. The cops shot his tire out. And he kept driving. Really? His mugshot? His mugshot. I remember that. his tire out and he kept driving really his mugshot

his mugshot I remember that oh yeah that's what it was from his last mugshot how many times have you been arrested I think I got arrested

a few times his last one where he's like and Mike do you remember Mike Mike Epps has the joke you remember that

no the year after the year that that happened Mike Epps put out a special. He was like, James Brown looked like a Thundercat. A Thundercat! That's the best description of that.

Because he did. He did! He had like this straight. And he had that ridiculous smile in that. I remember, do you remember the James Brown super coked out interview he did? Yes! I was just thinking about that one. What was that interview on?

It was on CNN. Is this it? This looks like it. The day after shooting that police on PCP, it says. Oh, don't you miss? Oh, yes, I do remember this. He had the crazy glasses on. Give us some volume, Jamie.

His jaw is going crazy. I miss PCP. Yeah, he was just singing, living in America. Nothing wrong. Nothing wrong at all. You're not in any difficulty, but you're out on bond. No, I'm not All the charges been dropped. Yeah Are you out on lover out of love which is it I don't love From night to night you find me

Now James, this is the first time you and your wife have had a problem. Are the two of you going to be able to work this out? Let's talk about some music. You want to talk about music and you don't want to talk about what happened? No, it's all over. Well, let's talk about your tour. When are you leaving? We're leaving tomorrow. And where are you going?

Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo, Brazil. Your fans will have heard all about this, James. Aren't you concerned about that? No. Not at all. I'm concerned because there's nothing wrong. Look at his glasses. Look at his jaw.

Grinding. Paolo's got a brand new bag. It's a man's world. Oh my God. you listen to this You have to see this That's crazy You know what this is like? Do you ever hear those radio shows would call someone up and they would use... Wait, he's got...

Sorry, go ahead. Go ahead. More? Oh, yeah, because he tells her that he smells good and he makes love good. You want to mingle. Yeah. Now, the women love you when you get out there. Why do you think that is? What did. Now, the women love you when you get out there. Why do you think that is?

What'd you say? The women love you when you get out there. Why is that, ladies? Well, I'm asking you. Huh? Because I look good. How do you think that is? I smell good.

I feel good. And you sing good. And make love good. Oh. Oh. Well, there we are. We don't have to ask anybody else we got that from the source gospel magazine coming it's not crazy Georgia's answer Joseph

P Young is the editor and James Ronda one of the advisors. And we're doing a fantastic job. The second coming. It features on this week, I think we have the Pope and I believe the William. He's lit, dude. He looks like Michael Jackson when he turned into a werewolf in Thriller.

Yeah. Right, dude? Look at his eyes. You nailed it. Look at those glasses. That's totally it bro that's what he looks like yeah yeah yeah yeah did you ever see that um that short movie like that short film i made a few years ago about him no you made a film about james brown i made a

film with ryan sickler a comedian about a real story about him. It's called Nine Inches. It's on my YouTube page. And what it's about is that there's a real story about two guys who shot each other in an argument over James Brown's height. What? Yeah. So we made a short about it. This is all about James Brown. How did I not know about this?

I don't know. But it happened in Alabama. Oh, here it is. Yeah, yeah. He just pulled it up. But based on a real story, two guys got in an argument about how tall he is. And basically one guy was like, you know, James Brown's 5'5 or whatever. And that dude's like, he's six feet, motherfucker. And they got so heated, they shot each other over his height.

So that's why it's called Nine Inches? It's called Nine Inches because of the discrepancy. That's hilarious. Yeah, yeah. But it's a real story that these guys were friends, like good friends. People get mad about nothing. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

People get mad about shit that doesn't make any sense, wind up killing each other. Because nobody wants to back down, then it escalates, then you get mad about it. You got to be right. Yeah, yeah. I'm more concerned about PCP. Where did it go? Because remember there was a lot of cool stuff in the 80s that happened because of Angel Dust and PCP.

Well, wasn't that what they tried? Like people lifted cars and shit. Oh, yeah. And then it just went away. But where is PCP? My old boxing coach had his just went away. Where is the PCP? My old boxing coach had his finger bitten off when he was on PCP. Really? Yeah.

See, where's that cool shit now? See, all the fun stuff. He had his finger bitten off on PCP and he had it replaced with his toe. He had his, not his big toe, but his next to biggest toe put in on his right hand. Are you being, this is a joke. No, I'm 100% serious. Joe Lake. Love that guy to death. He's my boxing coach when i was a kid um he had his finger uh permanently bent so he could throw right hooks he was a southpaw yeah and a very good right hook he didn't want to give it up

so uh when you would shake his hand shake it like that he he has like a little little hook like a baby finger yeah it's like constantly that was a toe that was a toe hook like a baby finger yeah it's like constantly that was a toe that was a toe it's a toe but now it's his index finger and he had his toe yeah so one yeah his foot yeah his foot only has four toes has a toe a big toe and then three hanglers which i guess you don't need somebody bit it. And somebody bit it off on PCP. Oh, that reminds me. See? That reminds me. It's so much fun.

That I was with Diaz for three days. Yes. Why does that remind you of that? I'll tell you why. Because this is so perfect. So I'm with Diaz. We're leaving the Shoreline Amphitheater. We did the oddball tour.

So we're leaving the Shoreline Amphitheater. He just, he massacred. It was close to 10,000 people. We get in the shuttle because there's intermission and Joey and I were before intermission. So we tell the driver, we want to go back to the hotel. There's still another half of the show to go.

So it's just Joey, myself, and the driver. And we get in the car. There's no music on. We're just talking. And we just hit one of. There's no music on. We're just talking. And we just hit one of those moments, you know when you're on a highway at night and you kind of hit that thing where it's like everyone stops talking for a minute

and you're looking out the window and you can feel like, and you're just kind of staring off. No one's talking. And then after like 15 seconds of silence, Joey goes, I would tell you about the time I saw a guy cut open at the Tenderloin in 1979. His stomach split wide open.

And I was like, what? And I just see the driver's eyes widen. And I was like, no. He goes, yeah, his blood was brown because he was bleeding for so long. People just stepped over him. And I saw two guys stab each other in the fucking street. 1980. Just over nothing. They I saw two guys stab each other in the fucking street, uh, 1980,

just over nothing. They just stab each other. I didn't, I almost shit my pants, but then I got used to it. And then you just see the driver was like, just so crazy. I got used to it.

Just look over like, who's this guy sitting next to me? Which is all you saw from like, uh, he was, he's such a like a rocket ship of a personality that you get used to like all the people on this tour because i did all the dates and then you should see like the first night he came out i'd see the like the oddball staff like turning like what the fuck is going on because his he's just so out of left field you know yeah you can't prepare for it and he's just like he's got not a fuck in his tank zero there's nothing dude he just calls people cocksuckers like the audience yeah the comments are like what's up cocksuckers they're like who the fuck

he did it to 8 000 people last night oh it's so What's up, you fucking cocksuckers? It's endearing. Yeah. Once you see him live. Yeah, he even has some reference to it. He knew, because he would throw people off, right? You could tell that some people, they'd be like, oh my God. And then he goes, yeah, I say some fucked up shit. And then he goes, but I'm your Uncle Joey, you know?

Everyone's got an Uncle Joey like me. It's a little uncomfortable at first, like a finger in your ass, and then they're just laughing again right away. He gets how he hits people, you know? Yeah, he's something odd. I've never met anybody like him before. He's a force of nature. It's like a rare occurrence in life.

He really owns his farts in public, by the way. Really? His fart game is strong. He was just like, I gotta tell you something else. Like at a bar. I was like so loud and it smelled so sour. Really? And he goes, wait till it hits that motherfucker right there.

He points at the guy. Yeah, I mean, he's crazy, man. It's so crazy he's married. He farted once on a plane that was so bad that I had headphones on. And I smelled. I was in the middle of writing. And I smelled it. And I just go.

And I start to make this face. And then I go. And I put my shirt over my nose. It was terrible. And then it hits the woman behind us. With the headphones on, listening to the music, I hear, oh, my God. on and listen to music, I hear, oh my god!

So I'm hearing, oh my god! And he's like, and he's getting his hands rested on his belly. He takes credit for it too, huh? Definitely, yeah. Because I do it, too, huh? Definitely. Yeah. Because I do it on planes, but I keep it private. Keep it under wraps.

I don't take credit. And no one assumes I would. Right. So I like the... Plus, the sound, it's so much on a plane that you can fart. You can just let it rip. No one's going to hear it. Yeah.

It's good quality. He also says things that don't add up for that. I'm like, come on. He goes, you know me, dog. I'm like come on he goes you know me dog like i'm like all right it's like my favorite thing about his periscopes his periscopes he'll smoke you know he's got crazy amounts of weed he's like at six o'clock in the morning i've always like rolled two joints smoked them fuck are you doing with your life and i'm like hold on i go you're implying that that's the accomplishment like I'm doing something what are you doing

he's always up instead I got high when I have to do shit early in the morning I always call him because he's always awake he's always awake yeah

he's a maniac he told me that 4.30 sometimes he's like you know it just hits me like a thought I just get up I'm like 4.30

he just wants to get up sometimes yeah is he not a sleeper not really it's crazy right you'd think that he would just be passed out but no some people don't need to sleep if i get up to pee and it's like four o'clock in the morning the problem is sometimes i'll have an idea yeah and if i have an idea i've i've gone back to sleep i'm like i'll remember it and i never remember it yeah so now if i have any kind of an idea or i think like it might be an idea i have to sit down yeah and then i have to write

something out or talk into my phone i'm talking on my phone a little bit just to try to capture it you gotta write it down that's key if i don't i'm fucked because if i don't i'm not getting any sleep because then i'll be sitting there thinking like oh i should have just got up it's always that thing where you go it could be like when you're about to fall asleep or about to wake up and you go uh i got that though that'll that'll come to me you know when i find like i had to do this thing for espn today so i had to get up early and i had to drive on the highway and traffic and all that shit but when i was i got up early you know woke up had a cup of coffee i'm out the door in the hustle and bustle and there's something about like getting up early forcing yourself to get up and then having like a cup of coffee, I'm out the door, in the hustle and bustle, and there's something about like getting up early, forcing yourself to get up, and then having like a

cup of coffee and going out and do something. It gives you like, you got like a little momentum going. You know, I'm like, I'm up early. I'm like, there's something to getting up early. And I used to really resent people that would brag about it. Like, well, I've been up since, you know, 530. Well, la-di-da fuck wad good for you it's a little self-contradictory thank you i agree i agree like look at look how how disciplined i am

but now we're off i go to bed late we're early we're up earlier but now the kids up at you know the crack of dawn so we got to be up too and now i'm used to it now i'm one of those people you're just sending emails at 6 a.m and i do agents. And I do like it more. I actually do like it more. It doesn't make any sense, but I feel like when I force myself to wake up in the morning, I get a better feeling about the day.

Yeah. It's like I'm starting off in a good way. Like, all right, we're up. Let's just go. Let's go. You know, I can't just yawn when I got here.

11. Let me just jerk off. Yeah, I know. Wake up at 12.30. I can be at the gym by 3. That'll be fine. One thing I don't like though, I don't like morning workouts. No?

I like afternoon workouts. I like to work out first thing. You do? Yep. I like to do something with no food. I like to do one workout in the morning. Like something. Chin-ups, bodyweight squats, something like that.

Yeah. Sometimes I hit the bag. No food. I like to do that several times a week. But I always feel stronger, and I have more energy if I work out late in the afternoon. I like the late afternoon. Yeah. Now, do you overeat, though, after you work out on an empty stomach? Afterwards?

No, no, no No, I mean I'm going to be hungry But I'm always hungry after I work out I don't eat like much more I see what you eat on Instagram I put my food on Instagram Lots of meats One of those annoying fucks

I have a lot of meat, you guys want some meat? I got some elk for you I'll give you some elk Show you how to cook it It's super good for you yeah it's yummy because you do a lot of uh veggies and meat i noticed no carbs i very little carbs i eat a lot of uh avocados that's good a lot of coconut a lot of fat that's what i'm that's what he's doing right now you're doing that yeah high fat low carb yeah you know when you get a hold of

dude you gotta get a hold of some uh ket You got to get a hold of some ketones. Do we have them here? Hold on. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, somebody. Yeah, if you're on a ketogenic diet. Yeah.

Let's try a few of these and tell me what you think. What is this? It's called ketogenics. This is the stuff that I use, but this is made by this guy, Dom D'Agostino, who's a research scientist from some university in Florida, by the way. He's in Florida he's a research scientist, um, from some, uh, university in Florida, by the way, he's in Florida. All right. Hey, look at that.

And he's, um, one of the foremost specialists on, uh, ketogenic diets and the benefits of ketogenic diets. I've been reading a lot about it. He's super scientific though. And the best resource, if you want to listen to this, is the Tim Ferriss show. Tim Ferriss' podcast. He had three different podcasts with Dom D'Agostino. And the first one was one of the things that got me super excited about trying to go on

a fat-based diet. Yeah. Just listen to all the benefits this guy was talking about. There's a whole series of benefits. That and intermittent fasting, getting your body into a state where it's just burning fat. Yeah. The big one though, the real big one though is the hunger thing.

There's two big ones. Like one, I know I have energy all throughout the day. I know people right now are listening to this going, oh my God, he's talking about a ketogenic diet again. Jesus fucking Christ. Cause I talk about it too much. Really? But just for, just for you guys.

Yeah. Um, you, you don't have as much hunger like in between meals you don't have that feeling i'm a month into it and really yeah i'm down almost 18 pounds um that's incredible i uh i basically have have felt that way where i i'm not just like feeling that satisfaction more i'm also eating overall less food you know i mean like'm, I used to eat just more of a higher volume of food, you know, like every meal was much bigger than it was because that fat satisfies you much quicker, you know? Well, it definitely satisfies you longer too. And it's just like the, the craving for carbs, like I got off of it when I went on this trip, I went on a trip and I was with these guys camping for six days.

And there just wasn't, there's no way. I mean, there was just so much food that wasn't ketogenic. And that's all we had was that food. So I got off it. And the first thing I noticed is like how hungry I would get in between meals. The sugar spikes. Yeah. Like you get like,

God damn it, I gotta eat. And I realized like, wow, I don't get that when I'm on the fat-based diet. And as soon as I got on the fat-based diet again, it went away. You know what my second day of cutting the sugar and stuff was? It was when we did that live podcast.

And I was snapping at everybody. Oh yeah, you were so grumpy. Oh, did you get like heroin? Yeah. Dude, I didn't, I mean, I didn't realize how much sugar I was consuming regularly, but the first 48 to 72

hours, I was about to be on the first 48. Like, I was fucking, I was really snapping at people. Really? Yeah, man. It was, it just, I couldn't control it. I also had a really hard time focusing, you know, for those first couple days. Yeah, they call it the keto flu.

Really? Yeah, you feel like you have the flu. I had a buddy of mine, my friend Brendan tried it. Not Brendan Chobb, another Brendan. And when he tried it, he sent me a text message. He's like, do you feel shitty? Do you feel tired when you're first doing this? Like some people, it hits them like really bad.

I was just really irritable. Yeah, really irritable. You were jonesing. Yeah. I wanted it bad, man. Bad. Yeah. How bad?

So bad. Tell me. And you forget all the stuff that has sugar in it. That's the real thing. Everything. Everything does. Actually, the other cool part about it, besides the health benefits, I mean, you know, from what I've read, a lot of people's cholesterol goes down, all that stuff goes down.

It's a good exercise in discipline and in being focused and mindful in something. That's the cool part. If you're not like, I'm not a super disciplined person about a lot of things. I'm disciplined about work, but I don't find myself to be super disciplined person about a lot of things. You know, I'm disciplined about work, but, like, I don't find myself to be super disciplined. And all of a sudden you're going, all right, I have to look at what's in this, and then you're starting to catch things. It makes you more focused overall

because you're focused on trying to do this one, like, I want to eliminate sugar, which is secretly in everything, you know? Well, I think a lot of addictions, they're all, it's almost the same thing. It's the same pattern. And that pattern is you're just doing something and you can't even believe you're doing it while you're doing it. And I'm betting all on black.

Like whether it's gambling or whether it's sex or whether it's drugs or whether it's, I mean, people are addicted to a bunch of different weird shit. Yeah. And food is a big one, man. It's a big one, man. It's kind of the same thing. They're just caught up in it. And then after you're done, you're like, what the fuck did I do?

What did I do? Yeah, before I had a baby, I had so much free time. And I didn't realize how much of that time I just spent eating. Like, really. Just snacking on shit that I did not and now I don't have the time to you know you lose the baby weight gradually it wasn't an effort because it's I don't have fucking time right I used to graze out of boredom or depression or on the road or whatever and then you know you don't need to eat half the shit I didn't eat half the shit I was eating

it's it's simple mouth pleasure. Yeah. And that's where you got to look at it. There's two different things going on at the same time. One, there's a simple mouth pleasure. Like when you eat lasagna or something like that. It's so funny you brought that up. I couldn't even do it last week. It was too many carbs.

I felt like it was so heavy. I know. I miss pasta. It's so good. Pasta's good. You know what I broke on for a day and I just had a little bit? I love like a really, like the properly made way, rice, like a rice that's made, you know, not like quick rice, but like boiled and someone makes rice perfect.

Yeah. Our Guatemalan nanny did it. Yeah. She's great. Yeah. I had to. I was like, I got to have rice. I had a cheesesteak in Philly on Saturday night.

Get your life. How was that? It was awesome. Where'd you go? Are you going to give them a plug? I think it was Jim's. Jim's? Jim's.

Jim's Steak. Yeah. It's good. Me and Tony found the place that had the most authentic reviews. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's from my Instagram with them cooking it in front of you. Come on, son.

They put Cheez Whiz on it, which in retrospect was a mistake. Really? I should have gone with Provolone. I go Provolone. The guy was like, do you want to try Whiz? I go, what is that? He goes, Cheez Whiz? I go, really?

He goes, that's how we do it. That's how some of the OG moves, yeah. I always thought that was disgusting. I like processed cheese. I'm real white trash, though. I like all that stuff. I like Provolone. I real white trash, though. I like all that stuff. I like the provolone. Shaky cheese. It just doesn't taste as good.

Provolone tastes better. Way better. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Chopped onions? You do onions? Oh, yeah.

Peppers? Peppers, mushrooms. What kind of peanut butter? Hot pepper, too. You like Jif over Skippy? I like that no sugar peanut butter that you have to stick the knife in and make a mess on your countertop because you gotta stir the oil You gotta do it yourself

I like that stuff If you had to go Skippy or Jif This is kind of a battle for us Who would you go with? Be honest, okay? Skippy Yes! You've never been a friend

Yes! I'm gonna go with Skippy I love this But Jif is a little more peanutier Yeah See, Jif is like a little bit more sugary But Jif is more peanut- peanutier. Yeah. See, Jiffy is like a little bit more sugary, but Jif is more peanut-y. Mm-hmm. Maybe I got those reversed.

But Skippy does taste more processed, but I like the taste. Yeah, it does taste more processed. Right? Am I right? Yes. Yes. Jif is more peanut. Yes, that's right.

So now you're correcting yourself. I got it. So you're team Jif. He said Skippy. No, I think I still would go Skippy. Really? Yeah, because it's like candy. I'm eating candy. That's so good. I know I'm not really eating your team, Jeff. He said Skippy. I think I still would go Skippy. Yeah, because it's like candy. I'm eating candy. That's so good.

I know I'm not really eating peanut butter. Right. Or I am eating peanut butter, but it's like peanut butter cups. Yes. Oh, those are the best. It's like Reese's. Reese's cups, yeah. Yeah.

I know. God damn. Yeah. And for like 20 years, we never knew basically that that's not really what peanut butter tastes like, you know? Right. Yeah, you're just like having it and you're like this is candy peanut butter is candy it's like no it's not and then you get it as a kid and your lunch and it was just sugar layer and then a sugar layer of

jelly yeah well when i was a kid my parents made me eat yeah my parents made me my parents were hippies when i was a kid and they made me healthy Really? Yeah, my stepdad was a total hippie. He had hair down to his ass. Aw. And my mom was a hippie, too. We lived in San Francisco, the whole deal. And we ate wheat bread with that fucking nasty peanut butter that you had to stir with a knife. Really?

And when you're a little kid, you're so bummed out because everybody else has white bread. Yeah. And they have where the jelly goes into the bread, and it turns. You ever see a nice smoked meat where it gets that layer on the outside of darkness and it's like a ring, like a smoke wing? Yeah. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich on Wonder Bread, the jelly starts to leak into the bread. Because it's so shitty.

And you see a fine crust. Yeah. But those, they would melt in your mouth you would eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on jif with a dessert with on yes yeah with wonder bread rather and uh with a glass of milk yeah so good yeah well she had like cold war lunches from her dad tell him what you had so my so my parents yeah my parents split i lived with my dad for a few years. And he would make me lunch. It was a cut piece of bread off of a loaf, some Eastern European rye with no seed.

And then butter. And then salami on butter. Which is just grease on grease. Like my stomach would hurt. For a kid to go to lunch at school, be like, just have this fatty meat with butter with butter yeah it's so but he eats jelly and butter he's a daily he just says you should eat the way he eats yes and he's like he looks great he looks great he has cold boss again like you know basically super fatty sausage. And then he's like, eggs, onions, beer.

Where does he get his bread? These loaves of bread? Well, there's a place here in Woodland Hills. It's called German Cold Cuts. It's on Topanga Canyon. I grew up going there. It's a tiny little German place. And it's rye with no seeds.

Then there's another one. Otto's in Burbank. It's another German slash Hungarian. They got all the treats. And my dad is, like like we have cockroach dna like we're eastern blockers my i have relatives who one guy drives a cab 80 years old never exercised drinks a liter of vodka every day smokes like it's just our family i do think it is because she never gets gets sick either. It's like so weird. I'll get like a fucking flu.

I'm like, I gotta go to the hospital. And she's like, like sniffs for a couple of days. She's like, I beat it. Your people survive flames? Yeah. Strong like bull. Yeah. Resilient. Think about like Eastern Bloc people.

Yeah. Yeah. Some of the hardiest people. If you think like hardy white folks. Just the most tender. Yes. The sweetest and the most kind and heartiest people. If you think like hearty white folks. Just the most tender, the sweetest, and the most kind and affectionate people. But that's the thing I don't like, though, is that my parents are just so cold.

Like my stepmom used to get offended when waiters would come to the table at a restaurant and be like, what's up, folks? She's like, what is folks? Fuck you, folks. Like they're. Really snappy. They think that it's weakness to be friendly. And smile. If you're like, hi, how are you? They just think you're dumb

Yeah, Wow, they went through too many wars. Yes, people went through too much chaos too much too much trauma to be hard Cold stairs. Yes my step my ex-stepmom. He didn't like her. Let me ask you this You think that's why do you think Russians admire Putin? Because but do you think they admire him because uh they're scared no do you think they admire him because they they actually admire that hard ass that's a cultural motherfucker it's a cultural thing he'd be seen as a pussy if he were to be you know like our ob going? Like that stuff is considered like, what are you, fucking queer? But a bunch are scared too.

You think so? Oh, yeah. Come on. But he like jacks. I don't know. He jacks these guys that are billionaires. Like he takes over their companies and puts them in jail. There's good reason to be scared.

Yeah. I mean, it's not like. But I feel like that they've been scared for so many leaders. I mean, look, they've been through communism. Oh, did you guys see? Just years. I got to remember this, did you guys see? Just years. I gotta remember this. Did you guys see the assassination attempt on him recently?

No. No? Oh my God. It's crazy. On Putin? Somebody did a suicide assassination attempt on Putin. And the way they did it is, they were driving on the opposite side of the highway

and they drove head on into his car. Wow. Like this. He's on one side, they're on the other side. And they had a median. And this guy drives in the center of the median, like before Putin's car comes. And when he sees Putin's car, he turns right into it. So he knew it was that car.

Yeah. And Putin wasn't in the car. But his driver was. His driver was. And his driver was killed. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's crazy.

And is there a video of this? Yes. Wow. There's a couple videos from a couple different angles. Wow. It's crazy. Those dashboard cameras they have of this? Yes. Wow. There's a couple videos from a couple different angles. Wow. It's crazy. Those dashboard cameras they have over there? No, no, no.

This is like a street camera. Oh. So you can see the cars. You can see the cars. Holy moly. And they see them slamming each other. I mean, they go on like 80 miles an hour, both sides. And is Putin's vehicle-

Everyone's dead. But is his vehicle like led and trailed by escort, you know, by security or no? That's a good question. I don't know. Because Putin wasn't in the car. Oh, right. Maybe they thought he was in the car. Maybe they had a heads up and they knew something was going on.

I mean, who the fuck knows? I don't know. Maybe they put him in a bunch of different, had a bunch of different cars. But you can see here, roll it back and watch this. Boom. That guy did that on purpose. Roll it back again, Jamie. Why does that thing keep shutting off?

Something wrong with the connector? Boom. See that? Oh, my God. Yeah, it's crazy. So there's a couple different angles of it. But the guy literally just drove right into the other lane. So that dude knew for sure that was, I mean, obviously to target that.

Wow. Knew for sure to target it and knew for sure he was going to die. Watch this. Boom. Wow. Yeah. They're both dead. I'm pretty sure.

Wow. I mean, also just the precision of knowing. Jesus Christ. You have a timing on that. You got to really get your timing right. How did they know? I mean, there must have been other people involved. What am I, CSI?

Wow. Scary. Yeah. He's a fascinating figure. When those people exist in this day and age, like Kim Jong-un, when that guy exists in 2016, it makes me really stop and think, like, wow, he's a dictator of a whole country. Yeah.

They're all terrified of him. Did you see when North Korea accidentally let all of its websites become available for a brief moment in time? They have 28 websites. That's it? There's only 28 websites in the internet in North Korea. Yeah. So the people that live in North Korea, they think that's the internet.

Wow. It's got to be. They're all state-run websites, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a list of them, but they made a list of the websites that they're creating. Are they like, uh, KingJungmanIsHandsome.com, KingJungmanIsSuperFastRunner.com?

I thought you meant that it became free for a minute, and I was like, oh, I wonder how much porn was downloaded. Like immediately within 20. Could you imagine? It would be insane. I think it was they just fucked up and let the rest of the world look at it. Wow. Wow. I saw that documentary where like this big thing is that these South Koreans will put films on flash drives.

Films? Yeah, movies on flash drives. Oh, okay. And then sneak flash drives. Oh, over in North Korea? And so that they can see other countries, landscapes, movies. Wow. And it just blows their minds.

I want to see what the websites were. Did you find what the websites were? This wasn't a great list on here. I was going to search websites to find a better one. Yeah, they have 28 websites, man. That's bananas. It is all Kim Jong-un's hands. There was a cooking one that showed off,

and then Korean films. Wow. It's really strange. Kim Jong-un's super long dick.com rudimentary rudimentary web design skills that are a hallmark of north korea's online presence yeah in fact many of the websites appeared to have stopped functioning at all by wednesday morning wow what an insane world. I wish I could see them. Those people live in. It really is.

I'd love to see them. It's so sad when you think about that that's someone's whole existence to live there. Well, did you see when Kim Jong-il died? No. How fucking crazy that was? They would go to jail.

You would be sentenced to jail if you didn't cry enough. Yeah. For months. Wow. If they felt like you weren't crying enough, they would throw you in jail. That is bananas.

See if you can find the mourning. It's insane. People falling down the streets. What is so amazing about North Korea is how they contain it like that. Because my father grew up in communism in Hungary, but they could still hear the Beatles and shit. They still had access.

Nothing makes its way in here. Wow. Look at this. This is so crazy watching all these people lined up crying. And they have to cry for like long periods of time. Like if you stop crying too early, they'll put you in jail. People were arrested at these events for not crying enough. God damn it, man.

Yeah. It's so scary. Yeah, that guy's going to get arrested on the end there. For crying? I didn't see him cry enough. He's blowing his nose in the flag. No. Yeah, dude. Guy's blowing his nose in the man. Yeah. It's so scary. Yeah, that guy's going to get arrested on the end there. For crying? I didn't see him cry enough. Can't blow your nose on the flag. No. Yeah, dude.

Guy's blowing his nose on the flag. Yeah, that's... Show a little emotion. Come on, guys. There you go. That's a good one. That's an exemplary... That's like a Pentecostal guy.

Yeah. He's in tongues. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wow. You know, North Korea has, allegedly, this might all be u.s propaganda no they uh allegedly have these prison camps where people are born prisoners yeah they're born into it and

this one guy got free and gave all this testimony explained like what it was like in those camps he turned his own mother in yeah for something that she had done and they showed how different jobs are given to different people depending on what level of decrepidness is that a word? sure, decrepitude decrepidness sure

I'm going to let you take the lead on that one fucked upedness that's a word how much you've decay you know, decayed. Yeah. I mean, they're like not, you know, starving people out. And then they would feed them to dogs. Oh, my God.

Yeah. And this guy was like showing the levels. Like he drew pictures of like what people looked like when they would do certain jobs. And once you couldn't do physical labor anymore, they would just fucking feed you to animals. It's really not. They also do this thing where like if you fuck up or let's say you escape you were a north korean citizen you escape they would go round up your family and put them in jail and they have a two-generation policy there so that your kids

and their kids will live in the labor camps jesus well during communism my dad said that they would encourage the children at school to rat out their parents if they heard if you hear your parents saying anything against the government you're supposed to rat your parents out and that kids would end up doing that sure and then they come to your door and take you away i feel like i think that thing is called like Escape from Camp 19 or Escape from Camp 14. That documentary? Yeah.

Didn't we see that? And then that guy got free and then he was still living as though he was in North Korea. Well, he preferred sleeping on the floor because he slept on the floor for like 25 years. So sad. You know? And he couldn't adapt. He just couldn't adapt.

There it is. Escape from Camp 14. Yeah, we saw that. Jesus. It's a good one. Now, something came out about him later that he had made up some things. Not that his whole story was made up, but he fabricated something. I would imagine that if you lived in a prison camp your whole life, you have some serious mental illness.

Oh, yeah. The idea that we could think that this guy's going to be sane, then we hold him up to some sort of standard. Well, you can't even buy what he said. Don't you know he lied? He's such a liar. Such a liar. You know what he said his biggest fantasy was in that? Meat. Eating meat. Like that's what he would dream about.

Going to get a steak. Oh my god. Man. 2016. They're still doing that to people right now. Yeah. Well, so crazy, dude. Yeah. Well, you know, I had George Perez on.

You know George Perez? The comic? Yeah. George did some time in jail. He did? Yeah. Like a long time ago? Yeah, a few years back.

Early 2000s for a fight at a basketball game. Wow. Some street basketball game. Beat some dude up. And then years later he was on MTV and the dude saw him on TV. Oh, I heard about that. What? Yeah. And that's dude saw him on TV yeah and that's how he got arrested yeah that's how he got arrested and then he did he did prison time I did three years oh shit he's fucking hilarious by the way and his stories are hilarious he's just a funny

funny dude but um when he was talking about prison it got me thinking like he was talking about how much people make and he was talking like 38 cents an hour or something like that like isn't that one of the things that he said something ridiculously low and then and then i'm like okay how is that not slavery like how are you like you not only are you putting someone in jail where they can't go anywhere yeah but you are forcing them to work at this insanely low rate that no one would ever work for that's true like when you look at the definition of slavery if you say well slavery ended in 1865 how is slavery done in 1865 when you have men literally in chain gangs

breaking well we wrote it down on paper so you know you know, well, this guy robbed a purse. Or whatever reason you put those people in. Yeah. I mean, either kill them or, you know, like you can't, you can't like force someone to break rocks, right?

You can't force them to work for 13 cents an hour or whatever it is. Do they do that still in places? Some places. Yeah. I think that one of the last places that still,

or I don't know if they still do, was in Louisiana. What's that Louisiana prison that's really famous? They had chain gangs. Is that the one where they made the inmates wear pink and stuff? No, that's in Arizona. That's a fun one. That's Joe Arpaio, right?

Yeah. That guy's crazy. Sheriff Joe. That's where Mike Tyson had to go. He went there? Mike Tyson had to wear pink. What? Caught with the cocaine.

Was it coke yeah he wore pink yeah he wore pink he only had to do a couple of days but it was you know one of those proof of point type things wow you know that even mike tyson has to wear the pink yeah now this is stupid but their commissary is cheaper right like maybe it's all adjusted for prison inflation. That's a really good point. It works like that. America's only female what? Chain gang.

The women who pull weeds and bury unclaimed bodies in air. What? Bury unclaimed bodies? Oh, shit. How often does that come up? That's number two. Pull weeds, number one.

Bury unclaimed bodies, number two. Number three, pick up cans. Wow. That sucks so bad. In the Arizona desert to avoid 23 hours of lockdown in country's

toughest jail. Wow, they're all chained up, man. Damn. I just, you gotta wonder, like at what,

at what point is it slavery? I wonder which one of these girls would be my prison girlfriend. Look at that, they're burning their fucking body.

That's nuts, dude. They're burning their unclaimed body so this is her with the glasses i hook up with that that chick's oh yeah this is probably like people that are border crossing and then wind up you know right dehydrating and dying out there that's gotta be so brutal oh my god through arizona in the summer you ever go to phoenix in the summer yeah and you're like, okay. 140 degrees. 140.

Wow. It's like the Middle East, dude. 140 degrees, and they're working outside, packing weed. Holy shit. Get your life, Chris. Do you think you can get sunblocked? Can you request that, you think, in jail? Yeah, sure.

I think for some people, if you were an Irish guy with red hair, I mean, I'm really fair. I'll burn They would catch you talking Spanish And they'd go fuck that guy He knows how to get tan There's a blonde chick Because you speak fluent Spanish

I've seen people talk shit in Spanish around Tommy And then Tommy will say something in Spanish to them And they'll go oh the white guy knows Spanish I'm doing a Spanish talk show on Monday. No. Yeah. I'm doing Noches Completanito on Monday. See, when he starts doing it in real Spanish Spanish, you're like, oh, this is legit Spanish.

It's scary a little, right? It's a little alarming. You're like, oh. The host is a clown. It's like a guy in full clown makeup. Are you going to go on as your rapper? I don't know. I thought about it.

I thought about it. I don't know. What is the rapper's name again? DJ Dadmouth. And if you haven't seen it, folks, DJ Dadmouth is how Tom gets everybody. There's one thing that everybody hates. Everybody hates, not everybody, but

most comics do not like doing morning TV shows. They're probably the most watered down. It's like pretending that a glass that's one quarter low-fat milk and three quarters water, that it tastes good. That's the worst. That's really good. I know. It's like you could drink it. It's not going to give you any pain quarters water that it tastes good. That's the worst. That's really good, yeah.

I know, it's really. It's like you could drink it. It's not going to give you any pain, but it's not good. You're not enjoying it. It's the worst. I don't know. It's a hard gig to have. Nachos con platanito.

There you are. That'll be Monday. Noches con, what does that mean, Tommy? Con platanito. Nights with. Nights of the plantains? No, well, that's his name.

Platanito is like little banana. Oh. Nights with little banana. Man, I wanted you to go on Sabado No, well, that's his name. Platanito is like little banana. Nights with little banana. Man, I wanted you to go on Sabado Domingo, that show. You wanted to go on Sabado Gigante. That's my jam. What's Sabado Gigante? Giant Saturday.

Yeah. It's been on for like 30 years. Like 40 years or something, yeah. And it's the show, the Latin show. And we were in Florida once in Miami in a hotel room. He was sick. And we were watching just hours of it because it'll have everything. I think it ended.

I think it ended. It's like paternity testing. And that guy's been the host forever. That's him. That guy's been the host forever. Aye, aye, aye. It's comedy sketches. They have paternity testing.

They have just every, yeah, see? Sluts. They've got everything on this show. I think you just slut shamed. How dare you. You just slut shamed. Isn't that funny

that that's a real expression now? Slut shaming. And fat shaming and slut shaming. Yeah. You got psi on. Yeah.

Psi. And pronoun shaming. What's your pronoun, Joe? I prefer Z. I like Z, H, and two E's. That's my pronoun.

I like that. What's your gender? I'm sure you saw the His Majesty thing, right? You saw that. Oh, you haven't seen this? Yes. So University of Michigan, like a lot of universities, is now doing this. You sign up for class.

Your professor sends out an email to the entire class i'm professor joe rogan my preferred pronouns are he him and then this one kid was able to because you can voluntarily choose your pronoun he was like mine is his majesty i like what a good kid yeah his whole thing was to point out the absurdity of it but then people are like you're a fucking asshole. They're all mad at him now. His name is Grant Strobel, chairman of the Young Americans Foundation. He used the new policy to update his preferred pronoun to His Majesty. How could they be mad at him?

That is no more ridiculous than H-I-R. Of course. There's like 18 different gender pronouns now that have been identified. And we also know there's astral gendered, if you're feeling like you're part of the cosmos. Aren't you poly? I'm poly and bi. Yeah. You put it on your podcast.

He put it on his podcast or his Twitter page. Yeah. It was like Bi Awareness Day. And then some guy, a real professor was tweeting yeah and he retweeted it what like something that was so close to parody what the fuck did he say he was just like it was the wording of it was too absurd to even recall but it was like remember when you're the today on on by awareness day your gender and your... To be bi is not to be gender specific, but your specificity of your gender can also dictate what your sexuality might be.

Like, what? Like something like that. Something, I don't know. Confusing. And then it was like, happy bi awareness. You know, I finally used an all gender restroom in Portland, and it was at a gay bar, and I didn't enjoy it. And it's not because of the whole pronoun thing. It's because you've got dudes taking gnarly shits next to you, and I don't need it.

I don't need it. Yeah. I don't need it. Zim-zor-zays. I'm poly and bi, and i'm also fluid gender my favorite thing is to be fluid gender because you can go however you're feeling in the moment but you have but people have to know what to call you so you have to update them on your pronouns constantly this that we want we saw this video of this guy who was like he was like you know you should really respect people's pronouns

which which i i'm like okay then he goes and if you know, you should really respect people's pronouns. Which I'm like, okay. Then he goes, and if you see somebody and you're not sure, just ask them. Be like, hey, what's your pronoun? To which I say, no, you fucking don't. You're not going to just see somebody and be like, hey, I'm just wondering. What's your pronoun? I think the

only should be on the person. Steven Crowder has a fucking hilarious video where he actually does this. Really? Yeah, he goes out and asks people what their preferred gender pronouns are

and the looks they give him, like he goes to like grown adults and goes up to them on the street and just talks to them and just wonders what their preferred

gender pronoun is. Nobody knows what the fuck you're talking about. No. It's preposterous. I can't wait for the backlash

just from this. What's that video of that guy Dustin?'re talking about. No. It's preposterous. I can't wait for the backlash just from this. Wait, will you, what's that video of that guy, Dustin? Dakota? Dakota. Yeah. We have to show Joe that one. Dakota is amazing. Did you?

They sent you the thing, yeah. Dakota is incredible. You gotta see this, this Zimzer. Zimzer? Zimzer Zay. Oh, for the different gender pronouns? Why is it so hard? Why can't you just do what they ask? My pronouns are not preferred.

See, and the thing is, I feel like there's enough people going, okay, really, that it's kind of a legitimate thing to not be 100% on board with this, you know? Because I feel a little like, oh, am I on the wrong end of history? Pronouns are not preferred. Ask a gender terrorist. There he is. Hey, y'all. It's Dakota, and this is the newest video There's the cat are not preferred ask a gender terrorist area

Playlist on my channel are we allowed to play this without? Yeah, you can't just play it well. We're not showing it on YouTube are we Yeah, take it off. I know it's this dudes this is not dude whatever it is yeah that's got a beard not I know it doesn't have a preferred gender pronoun well that's what you're working we're gonna get to so that's the thing now right you can kind of be whatever you want to be yeah which is fine I guess I just think it's funny that some people are saying that you should see this individual and lead with, like, it's almost like it's rude for you to assume, which I think is absurd that you're going to, that it's rude to assume.

Like, if you're going to dictate a different pronoun, I think that should be on you. It should be on, like, a status. Like, you should just show people. Yeah. dictate a different pronoun i think that should be on you it should be on a like a status like you should just show people yeah or some people do have these little stickers that they put on my preferred gender pronoun is that's cool well here's a radio lab and this is one of my all-time favorite ones there's a radio lab podcast they take it so seriously because it's radio lab and uh there's a guy on it who's clearly out of his fucking mind and he goes back and forth between male and female he's during the podcast switches

while he's talking to you oh my goodness I just switched I just switched I'm the man now hey like well okay when do you get to be a dragon when do you get to remind future then we're supposed to respect this you have to because it's it has to do with gender so if this guy was telling you about his past lives you know as a roman gladiator or if he was telling you about the future when the starships land you would think that he's a crazy person right right but i think it right now but when you talk about gender yeah as soon as you start talking about gender you you really, you're supposed to give people the benefit of all doubt. Even if you think you're switching gender back and forth as you're talking, the idea

that your gender is like some sort of a seesaw, you're on the precipice, and you can just go left or right and left or right. It is, you closed-minded asshole. You just decide. Yeah, you don't understand, Joe. But here's the thing. Aren't we different a lot of the time? Yes.

And why can't that difference be expressed in gender? Like you the other day when you were cranky because you didn't get your sugar. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Like, what? You decide. You're like a bitch.

Right. You have a different personality trait. You fell into this bitchy sort of thing, right? But doesn't that that that feeling that wait a minute that's sexist and i think i need to fire a joint up gender phobic well i'm looking forward i'm looking forward to ignoring so many emails that are going to come into my inbox about this conversation me too but people get mad oh i know they're gonna get so mad my point is like we've talked about this like if if you're feeling particularly lovey-dovey, right?

You're petting kittens and you're putting your daughter's hair in ponytails. It's a more feminine feeling. So did you switch genders at that moment? No. Or are you still? Specifically, this guy wanted to go back and forth to being recognized as a man and then recognized as a woman. In the middle of the conversation.

And then as he goes back and forth, he becomes a totally different person. Huh. Like he's not going to tolerate any bullshit. I think he was in the military, too. It was like there was a lot of weirdness to the story. And he's under the care of a psychiatrist, though, right? No, no, no. He's out wandering around getting government grants.

Great. Oh, wow. I have no idea. I have no idea what he's wandering around getting government grants. Great. I don't know. I have no idea. I have no idea what he's doing. But I just, you never go, like if someone goes back and forth and pretends to be Hungarian, like I'm Hungarian, now I'm from Ireland. Right. No, but I feel today, now I'm Hungarian again.

Right, I'm identifying that way. But that's fine. Like here's the thing. If you want to identify throughout the day, sometimes I am more masculine when I'm at the comedy store performing. I am very alpha male. I'm very, it's macho. But do I have to demand that people know what to call me at every given moment?

That's a little unrealistic. Well, it's a new thing. It's really new. I mean, it's so presumptuous and narcissistic that you should know what to call me yeah does this person at least say like right now address me as her and she has like two different names he looks and he just snaps out of them depending on who i might be misgendering or not depending on how he or she hears this at the moment when you good point if you're in a conversation with that person,

would you feel like that's something that you'd be like, oh, okay, I'll respect your wishes. I'm not changing your gender. You've got to pick one. If you say girl, okay, you're a girl. I'm cool with that. I don't have any problem with that. But you can't go back and forth. Okay, or I can't talk to you yeah it's too much work that's the point i think

that's the whole thing yeah it's too much fucking work and if you're an adult that's got a full life how the fuck you have room in your head for the zim zir zis every second changing well not only that that's somebody else's issue right right? What about yourself? Yeah. You know, I don't have any room to communicate with you because you're concentrating on yourself so much. You want people to change how they address you. How about just, can you just change how you feel occasionally and not have a new fucking name? Yeah, that's right. Three o'clock in the afternoon, now I'm Bob.

Right. Why do we have to label at every moment of every well it's a super self-indulgent thing and that's what you're getting out of this and that's what like the people that are you know they're being labeled as insensitive like that's kind of the point the point is like yeah you're supposed to be insensitive of nonsense yes this deserves a fair amount of mockery it really does i agree but we're A fair amount. But we're afraid to, in part, because we're going to get shamed on Twitter. People are going to call us phobic of this and that. Even if you say something remotely unpolitically correct or whatever. Yeah.

Look, there's a bunch of people out there that are just not happy. And they might not be happy with their gender. They might not be happy with the way they look. They might not be happy with how old they are. They might not be happy with a bunch of different things. with the way they look. They might not be happy with how old they are. They might not be happy

with a bunch of different things. But we have like rules as far as like what you can change and what you can't change. And we're allowing people now, this is like a really recent thing, to just decide to change your gender, which doesn't affect me.

I want people to have freedom. It doesn't bother me. But what is this? There's an addendum to the Radiolab story. She made them edit out the references to her actually changing her identity, I guess. She stopped switching. What? After all this?

It says right here, she no longer flips. She no longer flips. Interesting. She was a queer trans woman. She now remains comfortable as a queer trans woman what is what does that mean what's a gay it's not queer is not gay though it's not no oh i thought it meant queer is like weird like you can do both oh right isn't it what is queer and then let how do you know i thought I thought queer was gay. No, gay is gay. Queer is not gay. Queer is like non-defined.

Okay. So a non-defined trans. Non-binary. What the? That's Tom's domain. Tom, can you explain this? Yeah. I mean, basically. Break it down for us, please.

Well, you guys, you fall on the binary spectrum. We're cisgendered privileged. Okay, here we go. Shit, a queer feeling. Nope, that's not it. A homosexual. Nope. No.

See, they're using it different now. See, it used to be homosexual, but it's not just homosexual anymore. Okay, terms and definitions, LBGT, right there. Click on that one. LGBTQ now. Oh, no, there's an I and an A in there, too. Look at that. See?

Look at that. Make that larger. My fucking shitty eyes can read it. Bisexual, transgender, queer. Yeah, look at it. But look at above. Above. Go above to the top.

Look. L-G-B-T-Q-A. What is T-B-L-G? Queer or asexual is the key. Or questioning. And asexual. But there's intersexual, too. There's I.

Some people choose I. Wait, what's I? What does that mean? I don't know. Let's get to Q. Queer. Intersex, says Jamie. An umbrella term used by LGBTQA people to refer to the entire LGBT community.

An alternative that some people use to queer is the idea that labels and categories such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, etc. similar to the concept of genderqueer. Oh, okay. Genderqueer is different. What's genderqueer? I think that'd be like me, like non-binary,

where I don't fall under the spectrum of male or female. Genderqueer? I think that'd be like me, like non-binary, where I don't fall under the spectrum of male or female. Genderqueer is a term which refers to individuals or groups who are queer or problematize. What? You make it up. Fake words. Hegemonic notions of sex, gender, and desire in a given society. Genderqueer people possess identities which fall outside of the widely accepted sexual binary.

You're not binary. You're genderqueer, bro. You're genderqueer. I knew it. Genderqueer may also refer to people who identify as both transgendered and queer, i.e. individuals who... This is a lot of work, man. It's a lot of work.

This is a bunch of time. This is what you do when you don't chop firewood. Yeah. This is what you do. It's too fucking easy to get water. It's too easy. Just get bottled water. It's too easy.

Society, we have to invent all these things now. What happened to just being yourself? God damn it. Why does everybody have to be defined? I don't know. Why do we have to check each other to make sure that everyone's on the same fucking agenda? Do you know how much I'm dreading my son our son sorry going to school do you know that there are schools that don't have grades first grade second grade third grade so

that the kids don't feel bad there's no hierarchy group one group two group three shit like that soft people are trying to eliminate all forms of competition and scrutiny and they're calling any criticism of you at all bullying. Anything is bullying. It's all bullying. Yeah, there's a lot of peewee leagues with no score, no winner. It's crazy. It's weird.

That is really weird. It's weird. I think losses really help you as a kid. I think shame helps you. Loss, anxiety, fear, those were all my primary motivations as a young woman, and it carried me very far. I'm a fucking loser and because of these things i'm sure like the people that do it that that do mean shit or say mean shit to kids they realize after they do it how shitty it feels

right like it's a learning experience even for them like they should absolutely be corrected right but this idea that somehow or another you're going to wipe all that stuff out that's a part of being a person right it's a weird part of being a person like people like the fact that they can affect people by saying shit you know absolutely yeah the idea that we're going to sanitize out everything so that your kids will never have to feel a bad feeling ever again no one everything's going to be perfect and we're going to make a whole new bathroom right we're going to make a whole an asexual bathroom We're going to make a whole, an asexual bathroom. Because some people just, they're not sure. Some people.

People are just going to start shitting outside. They're just going to. I can't wait for that. Oh, what is this one? Half a skirt? Is this new? It's in the forum. Someone just posted.

Oh, my God. Is that new? Is that real? That's at college. That's where your tax dollars are going. It's a high school somewhere? That's what it says, yeah. Come on, man.

How many people, how big of an issue is this? You know, because there's people that have all sorts of very strange identity disorders. Yeah. Yes. There's a guy in England that thinks he's a six-year-old girl, and he identifies a six-year-old girl, and he wears pigtails, the whole deal, and he sits down with his kids and his own parents. His kids? Yeah with his kids and his own parents kids yeah he has kids wow he identifies as being a six-year-old girl and hey we have to accept this as long as you change gender there you are he's with his family as long as you change

gender everybody's cool with it meet the 52 year old father yeah see if he thought he was 13 he tried fucking 13 year olds but i'm 13 too. Right. Is that the whole, maybe? Everybody go, no, you're out of your mind, dude. She is gorgeous. Look at this. He's living as a six-year-old girl. Uh-huh. Abandons wife and kid.

Yeah. Good. But let's be thankful for that. Oh, and seven kids. He has seven. Oh, jeez. Yeah, but do you want this? Seven kids.

Do you want her to be a daddy? Well, it's too late. Yeah. I know, but- He's already a daddy. daddy? Well, it's too late. Yeah. He's already a daddy. The kids are better off without her. Jesus. So he was living as an adult. He has a family, the whole deal, and then just decides that he's not just a woman,

but he's a small, young, six-year-old girl. Yeah. There's something else going on. Again, psychiatrists need to get involved. Let's give us a little volume on this young Jamie. Am I a boy or a girl? I paid a pretty heavy price for transitioning. And so at a certain point,

I've already lost everything and everything has happened I'm gonna be me and I'm gonna show other people that it's okay to be it She looks like most middle-aged women in Wisconsin Just liberated me like my friends moms when I was a kid that went in like in Milwaukee. They all look like that They're all transgendered six-year-old I'm torn. Yeah? Yeah.

About what? Because I don't give a shit if he wants to be a woman. Right. But I just can't. There's a line that's being pushed by these fucks. They keep going further and further, and they keep taking advantage of your acceptance, and they want nonsense to get through.

Yes. This is fucking nonsense. This is a person who just wants nonsense. The world didn't work out for them. Yeah. The regular world of having a short haircut and wearing t-shirts. They're like, no, I'm going to wear little girls dresses. I'm going to be a six year old.

Hey, how about fuck you? Yeah. How about fuck you, man? Right. Enough. Now, here's the thing. Don't you feel like 20 years ago, maybe even less, the answer to like, I'm a six-year-old, everyone would be like, hey, go fuck yourself.

Because all these shut-ins are all online, and they're all ganging up. They're ganging up and attacking universities and attacking anybody who sees anything any differently. This is not acceptance, folks. Acceptance is 100% fine. You should be able to do whatever you want, but you want to pretend that's not crazy. who sees anything any differently. This is not acceptance, folks. Acceptance is 100% fine. You should be able to do whatever you want. But you want to pretend that's not crazy.

We got a problem. If you're a 52-year-old man, you pretend to be a six-year-old boy. You're out of your fucking mind. Well, guess what? If you're a 52-year-old man, you want to be a six-year-old girl, you're still out of your fucking mind.

You've been alive for 52 years. We're supposed to pretend that your life experiences is nothing because you enjoy that stage of life. You're given so much credibility to this idea. I feel like this is because of the gender switch. That's right. 100%. You can't say shit.

Because you're in, especially if you're like me, if you're a man and a meathead like me, you're like, oh, this fucking asshole, insensitive asshole. This is nonsense But for the record I'm a woman And I think this is Complete horse shit too It's 100% horse shit

And you know And also There's something good About the conformity Of the 1950s And before Because I feel like I'm serious

We're gonna rock Around 4 o'clock tonight Of course No I'm telling you That's You know That was a time When you couldn't

He's got fucking seven kids bro Telling seven kids. Don't you think that outweighs your duty to your family outweighs your need to be a six-year-old girl? It's sorry you're drawn to I'm drawn to it to the people that are really direct like yes old school Yeah, like Dan Pena. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah like Military dudes. Like Dan Pena, the business coach. Oh, the $50 billion man? No. Holy fuck. You would love this guy, dude.

Really? You would love him. I thought you were going to say Joey Diaz. Well, like that. He's a no-nonsense. If you look up Dan Pena, this is why you're poor. Oh, Jesus. And you scroll to a minute 40.

That guy? Yes. Just fucking do it what he says. He's so direct and it's so funny. He doesn't give a shit, though. He's almost dead. Well, yeah. Look at him.

Donald Trump's going to rock the planet? He's a Trump supporter? Yeah, he's out of his mind. Yeah, I think so. But they're friends, I think. Yeah, he knows them. Go to... I don't think we could play his stuff without getting sued, Jamie.

Really? He hears audio? Yeah, I don't think we could play stuff without getting sued Jamie Can you yeah don't here's audio? Yeah? I don't think so no I yeah, I highly doubt He'll let you play stuff without you help Yankee offline Hmm, we thought I'm magic. Yeah, they're gonna find you think so yeah matter of time I don't know. I just think this is his property Like his his lectures and all his stuff. This is where fair use argument comes in. Yeah, especially if you play a game. Yeah, but that fair use argument is not, it's a weird argument. We play shit all the time and talk about it and it gets jacked.

Well, did you see the guy in the video today? The guy who got attacked by a grizzly bear? Yeah, we were just talking about that. Holy shit. Hunting elk, right? No, he wasn't even hunting. He was scouting. He was looking for elk.

Scouting elk. He was scouting for an upcoming client and he came across a mama bear and her cubs. Oh, that's what's up. Yeah, and he even sprayed it with bear spray. He said dead on 25 yards. Yeah. Like unloaded, and the bear just ran right through it. Ran right through it.

Well, she had her babies. Yeah. That's what the mama bear does. You don't know what they're going to do until they do it. That bear spray might work sometimes, but it didn't work this time. That guy got mauled. His face got fucked, yeah. Yeah, look, it's hard to tell here, but his skin is hanging off of his head above his ear.

And the bear bit through his arm, too. His name's Todd Orr. He's lucky he got away. On my face and protected the back of he got away. Oh my god. That's not good. His arm's broken. Look at that. Asshole

just twitched. You can't imagine a fucking bear. A female grizzly bear. Protecting her cubs. Look how tough this guy is. Hold on. Back that up there for a second there. Back it up.

Look at that. Listen to this. Legs are good. Internal organs are good. Eyes are good. I just walked out three miles. Now you go to the hospital. Yeah.

But he stopped to make a video. So listen to that pragmatic way of looking at legs are good yeah eyes are good internal organs are good like that is the fear like that guy just came in contact with a real live monster yeah a fucking grizzly bear twice twice in a day. A real live monster. Then, after that three-mile hike, got in his truck and drove 20 miles to a hospital. Jesus Christ. Probably so happy just he's alive. Did you see the photos? The scar?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, the photos are massive. That head scar? Yeah. That's really, really big, man. Yeah. I wonder if that was a claw.

It's probably a claw. Now, sorry. So, he big, man. Yeah. I wonder if that was a claw. It's probably a claw. Now, sorry. So he's scouting for elk. So this is like a public, what is it? I don't know. Where do people hunt? Some kind of a hunting area? Yeah.

He could be on private land, but most likely he's on public land. And they have, I don't believe Montana has a grizzly bear season. They do have grizzly bears. So he just came over a ridge, right? Wasn't he just walked over and then... Yeah, I think the only place you can hunt grizzly bears in North America is Alaska. I think. Damn.

I think there's grizzly bears in Alaska, and then I don't think you even hunt grizzly bears in Canada. Can you imagine the diarrhea? Oh, no, you do hunt them in Canada. They hunt them in British Columbia. What am I talking about yeah when you walk over and then 80 yards is a bear oh my god and you're like oh god and then you just you got his spread he knows if you're around barely you can't book it you're not gonna run what are you supposed to do I mean he sprayed it

we know that yeah that's one photo of his arm. But check out the other ones, Jay. It's one of his head. It's hard to pull them up because I'm not logged into Facebook. Oh, okay. Just see if you can find it outside of... Oh, my God. Oof.

Yeah. Poor guy. So my buddy, Adam Greentree, who was on the podcast last week, he's a bow hunter. There it is. Look at his head. Look at the giant scar that goes from his temple all the way. First of all, if you wanted a scar on the back of your head, that's the spot. Yeah.

Like, it doesn't rip his ear off. It doesn't, you know, he's got a nice line on his head, but it seems like it'll stitch back together. As long as he doesn't have an infection from the bear bite. Fucking A, man. Guy's got a good story, too, for a while now. One, oh, sorry. One bite on my forearm Went through to the bone

And I heard a crunch Oh Man You just think you're dead right You're like this is it This guy's really good About social media He's like hey everyone

I gotta tell you this I know He did a video He did a couple posts He already Facebooked this shit Yeah Well this guy's a hunting guide Do you know how like In tune with the wilderness this guy must be?

It just happened. Oh, man. Montana is the... It's beautiful. That's the woods, man. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's beautiful, but it is a wild state. Yeah.

They have a lot of grizzly bears here, man. A lot of free-roaming animals everywhere, right? We went there this summer. We went to this summer. We went to Bozeman, and we drove down this road, and we pulled over. We saw 100 elk just sitting in this field, like right off the side of the road. We're like, this is crazy. Wow. You just get out of the car and look at them.

It's so beautiful. A hunting trip? No, with my family. We did the Yellowstone thing. We're just looking out, and looking at all these animals like, whoa. And apparently, well, we saw grizzlies there, but we saw them at a grizzly sanctuary. But apparently people just run into them all the time. Yeah.

You just, you could fuck up like this guy and just accidentally be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And the female has her cubs. I remember going there once and having the, the, a guide tell us, you know, if you run into a bear and do these things, and the whole time your brain's like, you're just going to die. He's like, cover your ears and crouch, but play limp, don't fight back, don't run. Oh, my God. How do you do that? And this guy actually did it, which is the crazy part.

Yeah, he really did it. And he played dead on that second one, he said. Yeah. He just went limp. It's the only way. Yeah. God, imagine going limp while that thing is biting you. Oh, my God.

Oh. Jesus Christ. So scary. They're so big. It's such a terrifying. It's crazy that it's a real thing. Yeah. That there's a real animal that's 11 feet tall.

So crazy. And it weighs 1,000 pounds. So my friend Adam, he went on an elk hunt by himself in Montana. He was in Montana. Shot an elk, and he has to pack it off the mountain. He's like 14 miles in. So he's got to pack this 1,000-pound animal. He's going to do it in 150, 200-pound chunks.

And each one of them is going to take a day. So he's doing it essentially four days of just packing out meat so the first day when he goes back a grizzly was sleeping on the carcass a giant grizzly bear 11 foot grizzly bear sleeping on the dead elk he has to chase it off and scare it no he has to yell at it to try to get it out there he has a pistol with him no by himself I don't think I would have taken that route. By himself. Yeah, no, that's nuts. No. He can have the elk, dude.

Yeah. The bear ran off. Really? Yeah. Is that the approach you would have done without knowing this? Fuck, man, I don't know. I mean, they say you're supposed to do that. Yeah, really? They say you're supposed to yell if you wanted to leave, but you might want to just give it the meat.

Yeah, get the fuck out of there. Just get the fuck out of there. That's not your elk anymore, dude. He didn't want to do that because he worked hard for that elk Can you shine right right? It's a tough fucking call. Yeah, that's I wouldn't want to be the one to make it No, of course not no see as one hand you would say well look the bad news is I don't get to me the good news Is it good to be against e because I really like bears. I had a teddy bear when I was a kid That's my friend Cameron Haynes. That's one that he killed in Alaska. Wait, is he the guy that also does those crazy marathon runs?

He ran 200 miles this summer. In a day? 78 hours. Wow. He slept three hours in three days. How does your system keep going? Well, you have to build up to it. He was running a half a marathon a day.

Every day he was running 13 miles. That's insane. And then he ran 100 miles in June to prepare for the 205 miles in August. Wow. It's insane. That is insane. I mean, there's the mental part, which is its own thing. But then physically, doesn't that just...

He looks tired there. He does look tired. Well, he didn't just do it. He's kind of crazy. I mean, he's a good friend of mine. I love him to death, but he's crazy. And this is one of the things he did. He lost a ton of weight.

He went from 180 pounds down to below 160 just by starving himself. So he had his body eat itself. Because he was already lean. He didn't have any fat to lose. So, the only way for him to lose weight is burn 3,000 calories, eat 2,000. So, he did that for months until his body, like, shriveled away down to, like, I think he got under 160 before the race. So that he could do this? Mm-hmm.

Like, the other day, he put a picture on his Instagram. He weighed 158. When I met him, he weighed 180 and he was built. Like he lifts weights. But he did one of these at 180 and it was too hard. So he decided to lose the weight. So that's how he looked like. What kind of discipline you have to have to just make your body eat itself?

Like you don't have any fat. Even at sub 160 to run that that much, like to your knees, your joints, that's got to be brutal, right? It's not good. Well, that's what he said. He said it was really like you could do performance enhancing drugs, but it's really not necessarily going to help you.

They're not going to help you not feel pain or be able to be tough. A lot of it is just being tough. Yeah, he's a tough son of a bitch, man. Yeah, he likes suffering, right? Yeah, he's a maniac. He's got yeah but he's also like one of the most successful bow hunters ever really he hasn't bow hunting is the hardest thing in the world to do when it comes to uh acquisition of meat like there's no harder way to what state does he live in oregon there's no

harder way to get an animal than with a bow and arrow because you have to get within a certain distance you have to practice every day you have to and he hasn't had an unsuccessful bow hunt since 2009 and he goes every year he kills like multiple elk every year that's like unheard of nobody does that like everybody has dud dud trips yeah like you go and you struck out you just don't see the right animals you don't get he he's just i mean that's what he's designed for so he does and he just excels at it and if he doesn't find something he just like runs 100 miles to the next spot i've hunted with him and the thing that's crazy is how he doesn't get tired like i'm in pretty good shape it's like your sister follow him up the hills i'm like fuck some people are wired like his sister maria is a similar

level of lunacy does she do marathons and shit? Yes. She does like, she's done like half triathlons and she did 5.8 miles a day before she gave birth to one of her kids. And not only that,

she's probably boopy pouncing around there. Yes. Oh my God. And her uterus was falling out of her vagina from doing all that

and the doctor said you gotta stop. Doctor said you need a nice cyst in there to tighten things up there Tighten things up Tighten it up A nice watermelon sized cyst

Softball sized cyst A nice little cyst No but she's one of those people That is always like What do you wanna do Always going What do you wanna do She's really athletic

She was in the Navy And she beat out all the guys Doing pushups right She did the whole Yeah They have a PT test Yeah She beat

All the women And all but one guy Jesus Christ animal just like a brother Hardcore guys like her brother. Did she do those tough mutters? Those are the weirdest ones You know mud yeah, people get sick as fuck they get horrible diarrhea Because for real, I don't what is this? I don't know this tough mothers these crazy races where you have to go through. You're literally running a lot of it through mud. You're climbing through things.

What is wrong with people? They're totally covered with mud. But the problem with that is mud is water. And still water is super bad to ingest. Yeah. So these people get that mud in their mouth. And they get the pathogens from that mud. And they just get a broken fire hydrant for an asshole.

Yeah. Just blah! Yeah. Where your body's like, we're just gonna clean this whole machinery out. It's like spring cleaning with a carpet cleaner. It does look fun. I think the running and, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Oh, this is the mud stuff? Yeah. Oh boy. Oh, these people are fucking maniacs. Has nobody told them this diarrhea? Well, they learn. They learn boy. Oh, these people are fucking maniacs. Has nobody told them this diarrhea thing? Well, they learn. They learn. I mean, some people are just really into it, and they keep their mouth shut. They know how to do it, or keep their mouth closed. Wow.

And they don't breathe it in. But when you see them running through it, it's like they have all the... What are you... I'm sorry. Yeah. This is just people waiting, dude. But yeah. I don't think this is an actual...

This is just people walking. There's some where't think this is an actual... This is just people walking. There's some where you see them running and doing all this stuff. This is just a bunch of people walking through a swamp. Get your life. But if you do that crawl, like sometimes you have to crawl under stuff too, I guess. That's when you can get it in your mouth. So stupid. I'm sorry.

That's the kind of things people do when it's too easy to get food. That's what's up. Go to Africa. It's the same exact thing as the Z, Zer, He, Her, Him, Her. 18 gender pronouns. They're not doing this in Somalia. I guarantee. There's no fucking mud races. You guys are so gender phobic.

Look at this. See how they're climbing out of this? Oh, I've seen this. Yes. Fucking maniacs. Yeah. Waiting through this shit. How far are most of these?

Do you know that? Do you know? That's a good question. A couple miles? It's like some of them are about a mile far are most of these? Do you know that? That's a good question. A couple miles? Some of them are about a mile in between some of these obstacles, so it's like six, seven miles. Six, seven miles? All right.

They're literally, they made mud for them to play in like they're three. Right. I'm going to challenge myself. But this is a setup. They make all this. Right. This is so goofy. Sorry, folks, if you're listening.

Bro, I was a fan. Yeah. Until you came to shit on Tough Mudders. Hey, why don't you try it, pussy? Yeah. All right. Maybe I don't want fucking pathogens. Huh?

Yeah. I'm not into Jardia. I'm not into taking that muskrat shit in my mouth. This is a real hate mail episode. We always bring the hate, though. Yeah. You know? Yeah. A lot of gender stuff this time. You know what, though We always bring the hate, though. A lot of gender stuff this time.

You know what, though? Not real gender stuff, though. No, no. No. No. The fake stuff. No, not the legit people that are like, dude, I'm a man trapped in a woman's butt. That I do believe, obviously. Right.

But just keep to yourself. Keep your weird shit to yourself. Dude, suppress that shit. Suppress it. Exactly. Keep your weird shit to yourself. Dude, suppress that shit. Suppress it. Exactly. Suppression's good. Yeah, I'm telling you, the 1950s, not all bad. No, but you know, there was transgender people in the turn of the century, the turn of the

20th century. I'm sure. There's a lot of photos of transgender people from back then. It's always been a thing. I used to see them more in Hollywood when I lived there about 15 years ago. I just don't buy the going back and forth. Sorry. Yeah, I don't. I don't think most people do. I think it's an attention

seeking something else is going on there. I think not all your feelings should be acknowledged. I agree. That's important. I agree. That's important. The guy wants to be the six-year-old girl. They have all these specials on him. He's 57 years old.

I can't. I can't. They don't have specials on him because it's an extraordinary story. They have specials on him because you know it's ridiculous

and you're going to watch it. And it's funny. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. You can't go back in time. Right?

You lived a long time. You have to be responsible. They have a special on him the same reason they have a special on a lady who doesn't cut her toenails. She's like, these are my special nails. That's so true.

I don't wear shoes and I can't get a job. Right, and they can never get a job. That's the downer. None of these people are employable. That is the one common denominator. What do you do for a living? Not anymore. Wait, and that's discrimination, by the way. You're discriminating

against her, guys. Yeah. Well, I've heard people discuss the merits of the sacred argument where you're not allowed to cut your hair because of your religion. And I'm like, well, listen, at the end of the day, it's just your fucking hair. And if your religion is about cutting your hair or not cutting

your hair, I'm sorry, but it might be bullshit. So if you can't Religion is about cutting your hair or not cutting your hair. I'm sorry, but it might be bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. You can't. So if you can't, you can't like just say, hey, my hair's getting in the way. I'm just going to cut it. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you know. Who says that? Who says you can't? I know you're talking about your Swami. Yes. Yes. We have two guys.

Who tells you you can't do it? Is it written somewhere? What's happening here? You can't just cut your hair and be the same guy? No, man. This is sacred. Right. God's going to punish you if you eat meat on Friday.

The older you get, the more absurd the religious customs and- Yamaka, say it. All the principles. Take the fucking head off. You're inside. The meat eating And the You know The rituals

I wash stuff over here The kosher We have a kosher kitchen Do you? In our rental house Not our Yeah Because we bought it

From a couple of Juice Oh But Yeah it's all But I like the kosher kitchen It's fine It's fine

But here's the thing I support fully That if you don't want to Ever cut your hair again You should be able to Not cut your hair again If you want be able to not cut your hair again. If you want to grow your hair crazy long and grow your beard crazy long, my problem is if you think a deity wants you to do that.

If you think that there's some mystical guy. If you just say, you know what, dude, I just like it getting crazy. I want crazy beard. I want crazy asshole hair. I just like being hairy, man. I like the feeling. Okay. It's 100%. Nobody fucks with Rick Rubin, right? Yeah, that's true. crazy asshole hair. Yeah. I just like being hairy, man. I like the feeling. Yeah. Okay.

It's 100%. Nobody fucks with Rick Rubin, right? Yeah, that's true. Rick Rubin just lets it all go. Let's it all go. The hair on top is all fucked up. The beard's all fucked up.

For your jackets. Driving around in a Rolls Royce. That's the move. Yeah. That is the move. It's a genius. The crazier you look and then you have like

a fucking $300,000 car. This guy's rad. And he's a handsome fella and he's all that shit. I bet. I mean, he just decides like that's his look. Just fucking full on crazy hair. You're not so far. I feel like you're almost there.

You could let that go. Yeah. Why don't you see if, I think though as a comic, you're better off without that kind of like presence. I think so. Then you're married to that look, right? Well, what's that guy's name? He's at the store though. Sometimes he has quite a look. You know's that guy's name? He's at the store, though, sometimes.

He has quite a look, you know what I'm talking about. He was a cab driver. He holds his coat over his arm. Arcus? I don't know, and he's got all the notes. Sam Tripoli? Jay London? Jay London, yes. He's got a look. That's a look. That's just Jay, though. I know.

That is who he is, but I'm saying that's a look. See if you can get a picture of Rick Rubin in a Rolls Royce, because I've seen several. Yeah. Yeah. It's just funny about a guy who looks like a homeless guy or a crazy LA street guy. That's my favorite, and they're just gazillionaires, and you never know it. Yeah, and in LA, anybody that walks into a store or restaurant that looks fucking homeless could be worth like

$500 million. I think like Sikhs aren't allowed to cut their hair. That's right. That's what they're called. But here's the thing. Remarkably cool people. I've met a lot of them, especially in Toronto. There's a big Sikh population in Toronto. Some of the nicest, coolest people, but they just have that

thing. So here are two things. You could say, well, yeah, I mean, he believes that a deity wants him to do. But another thing you would say, well, maybe it identifies you with this group of people and you feel like outsiders and you feel like if you grow your hair and wear it wrapped up like that, like you feel like you fit in with your group. I mean, I grew up in L.A. with a bunch of Sikh kids, and we just made fun of them. You know, you just call them onion heads or whatever.

It was fucked up for them is what I'm saying, because then you get singled out and fucked with. By your white privilege? God doesn't want you to, you know, get teased relentlessly. That's your point? That's my point. You think God wants you to be bullied? That's not a loving God. The white and Jewish men that run rap.

I love it. Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. They won major record companies. Oh, boy. Well. Okay. Yeah.

But he's dressed like a dude who lives in Seattle. That's what Jay-Z at. Yeah, he's rad, dude. What's in his hand? It looks like a, what is that called? Like a prayer rope? Yeah. Is that what that is? Mm-hmm. Like a Buddhist thing. Okay. Is that what that is? Mm-hmm.

Like a Buddhist thing. Okay. There you go. He's meditating. Get weird, bro. That's a very weird look. Those prayer beads in front of a private jet

with Jay-Z. Right. Jay-Z's got a $25,000 suit on. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, hmm, all right. Who is that with a seal?

What happened to that dude? Well, funny you should ask. Remember when he sang recently in public for the first time in like a million years was that with him seal seal what happened to that dude well funny you should ask he remember when he sang recently in public for the first time in like a million years and it was really bad oh no no it wasn't the first time in a million years yeah no it wasn't i'm never gonna survive i know but it wasn't the first time in a million years in like a zillion years no no it was not he just sang he sang on the super bowl pregame show. That's what it was. It was horrific.

Oh, really? But he's been, he never like went away. I thought he left the game. No, not at all. The game. He's banging, what's her name? Heidi Klum? They're divorced.

Oh, for baby. All of them know. All your facts on this are not right. So the guy, I don't know shit about celebrities. Come on. But it was a terrible performance do you know how like uh certain songs or certain musicians like bring you back to a time in your life of course with seal was the first time i ever bought a stereo oh oh really my first stereo i had to buy and i was dating this girl who was like really into music and she told me you

have to get this seal out my like really she like, really? She's like, seriously. Yeah. And I had it set up. I bought an actual stereo for the first time in my life. And I had a one big speaker to the, like I had speakers that were on stands that got off the floor. Those big things. Those are great. I didn't even have a couch yet.

And I had this, uh, this stereo that sounded really good. And I played the CD. I set it all up myself. I put the wires in the right holes and pinched them down. Yeah. And then, uh And I played the CD. I set it all up myself. I put the wires in the right holes and pinched them down. And then I played that CD

and you have one big speaker over here and one over there. And you could hear the sound moving around back and forth. And I really appreciated what he was doing. I'd never heard it before in anything but shitty car stereos with blown speakers. Just a talented dude, for sure. And when we were talking about Seal earlier, you made a good point about that song whenever i got on top is

that like dads like that song yeah yeah everyone likes that song yeah yeah dad's even with their fat gut when they're driving their electric golf course over to the ninth hole they want to pretend they're still artists yeah i'm ready to get a little crazy. Right, right. I get crazy with my whole family with everybody. In a world full of people

I'm a little summer. They all know. They all know. Isn't that crazy? It gets crazy. Mike can just go to this place. I can just, I have a switch.

That switch goes and I don't even know. You know, you have to wake me up after it's over. Right. You know, I just,

I'm free. I feel like my dad definitely probably just had that on a loop, you know? Yeah. Just like one song. Yeah, of course your dad liked it. Yeah. My dad liked Prodigy a lot. Like, he would get ripped and just play that through the house.

Like, I'm a fire startup. It was so horrible. Yeah, I hated it. Nice. Do you remember that one crazy song that was like a big one too that everybody would crank in their car?

Was it a seal one? No, no, no, no, no. It was... Chumbawamba? Huh? Bropagia? No, no, no. It was just like

an official dad song, you mean. No, it was like... How the fuck did it go? A dad song. There are dad songs. Remember when I lost my mind? Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know that song? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. No, no, sing it. Something about that special time. How's that go? I'm trying to think. I don't know. Does that make me cry? Cee-lo! Cee-lo. Cee-lo. It was Cee-lo before the ecstasy. George.

That's a good song, too. Oh, that's right. Gnarls Barkley. Cee-lo is Fuck You. Cee-lo is in Gnarls Barkley. CeeLo's Fuck You. Yeah, yeah, yeah. CeeLo's in Gnarls Barkley. It's with Danger Mouse. It's like a group. All right, so CeeLo is the singer. Oh, he's in it. I thought Gnarls Barkley was a dude.

Hmm. That is a universally loved song, too. Yeah. You can't hate that one. Yeah. A lot of people love to think they're crazy. I'm just crazy. The Andre 3000 song.

What's gonna happen? What was that? Oh, Hey Ya Hey Ya That's a jam Melodically Dads can get into it You know

It's not just for the kids Right That's true Like Outkast That's for the kids But that song Dads can listen to it Real dads only

It's like jazz Yeah, yeah I'm sophisticated Yeah Yeah, it's like I like black kid music Yeah That's what that is

The kids are listening too Yeah I was listening to this rap song When they were talking Yeah, it's like, no, I like black kid music. Yeah. That's what that is. The kids are listening too. Yeah. I was listening to this rap song where they were talking, this guy was trying to romance this girl. He was talking about playing chess with her and eating organic food and listening to jazz. In the song? Yeah. Yeah.

In a rap song. Yeah. Trying to romance this girl. Organic vegan. You know what song I was listening to? Yeah. I was listening. I was watching an? It's a new day, assholes. I was watching an episode of Glee. I don't know why. No, I know.

I'm becoming horribly lame. They played that song, the thong song. What's that? Right. She had dumps like a truck. Truck, truck. Guy's like, she took dumps like a truck? No. What does that mean? She had dumps like a truck. Her ass is like a big... A dump truck. She has a good dumper. She had dumps like a truck no what does that mean dumps like a truck like her ass is like a dump truck like she's a good she had dumps like a truck yeah i know that but her dumps are her

yeah just trying to make things rhyme yeah the more you look into it they'll fuck you up cisco that's what it is right yeah we can't go down the rabbit hole there's the thong song yeah cisco how long ago was this made that's gotta be the 60s, right? This is when James Brown was a baby. Yeah. Cisco had a gang of buses. Wow. What's he doing now?

He's still doing his thing, man. This song was huge. Yeah, this song was huge. Yeah, but I mean, he had, look at, he's got all these buses. He's got five buses pull up. They say Cisco on them. I want everything white. That thong, thong, thong, thong.

Let me see your booty go. There you go. There you go. Yeah, he's still, there booty go. There you go. There you go. Yeah, he's still. There you go. There you go. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy. Yeah, well, Tommy, you fucking got me on a Gucci Mane, you son of a bitch.

I did? Yeah, you son of a bitch. I was listening to some new Gucci Mane thing the other night. I'm like, he wrote that five minutes ago. Yeah. He wrote that on cough syrup five minutes ago. Straight out the fed, man. First day out the other night. I'm like, he wrote that five minutes ago. Yeah. He wrote that on cough syrup five minutes ago. Right.

Straight out the fed, man. First day out the feds. He's got a new album. Yeah. What's his big song, James? He lost a lot of weight in prison. You notice that? Yeah, he's got a six pack now.

I mean, he really lost a lot. Yeah. He has an ice cream cone on his face. Burr. It says burr. Yeah. With a lightning bolt.

Uh-huh. Don't you? Uh burr. Yeah. With a lightning bolt. Uh-huh. Gucci. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's hilarious. Gucci doesn't play, man. Young thug and Gucci Mane. His young protege, young thug, he's a little bit of, I don't know, I wouldn't call him

fluid gender. I'm not going to say that, but he's a fashion designer. He wears shirts and stuff. First of all, it's gender fluid. God. You are not going to miss gender. You're sensitive. You're going to miss gender ID on

my show. His jeans were a little whack, Tommy. I don't really like standing out. Let's not shame him. Let's not denim shame him. You know what song you would like, though, from Gucci, before he got locked up? The Lemonade

song. Oh, I've heard that song. Are you like, yeah. That's a catchy song. How does it go? I mean, dads can listen to it. How does it go? Sing it up. How does it go? What's that? We're being invaded.

Oh, shit. The aliens. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. How does it go? It goes, go shit. Next door neighbor's alarm's going off. Oh, is it?

Yeah. That's real. What's it called? The Purge is happening. Yes, the Purge. happening yes purge i have a samurai sword hmm i'm scared wait how does that song go sing your yeah lemonade song lemonade yellow everything man yellow yellow yellow birds yellow diamonds in my ear yellow yellow yellow that's good there you go that's how it starts oh i think maybe he makes things

you like it negative no all right i'll play it for you somebody likes it though There you go. That's how it starts. I think maybe he makes things. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Come on. You like it? Negative. No. All right. I'll play it for you in the car. Somebody likes it, though. No, I know.

Lots of people. That song is catchy, actually. I'm the minority here. I cut it from YouTube. Yeah. It's cutting it off of YouTube, so we won't get pulled from YouTube. So people can hear this on. So yellow.

Yellow. It's all about that yellow. Like gold, right? I like gold. I like money. For a while... Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. It's the melody, right? Yeah, it sounds good, though. It seems like he's having a good time. Look how big he is there. Yeah, he definitely had more body fat. Yeah. Probably did a lot of push-ups in the house.

Hell yeah. Yeah, man. Started eating right, got focused. Hell yeah. Probably wrote some good shit. And this is all pre-tattoo, too. Yeah, well, he had a few then, though. But not on the face.

Not on the face. He had a baby face then. He's got my favorite all-time saying to a judge. Oh, that's not real. They said, Mr. Main, are you guilty? He goes, bitch, I might be. That's a meme, right? He didn't actually really say that.

No. Really? No, he said that. I thought that was definitely not real. That's funny. Gouchey Mayne did not. Bitch, I might be. It's hoax?

Yeah. Oh. Why did you ruin it for me? That sucks. I'm sorry, man. Just get me in the dark. Damn, dude. I'm sorry.

No, Jamie, keep me in the dark. Keep me in the dark on things that are too good. Bitch, I might be is pretty bold. That's the greatest thing dark on things that are too good. Bitch, I might be. That's the greatest thing ever. Say that to a judge. Such gender. Motherfucker. Sorry, I was talking to Jamie.

So privileged. Jamie, you are so privileged. Are you guilty? Bitch, I might be. Yeah, come on. Be one of the greatest things anybody could say ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disrespect, guys.

1950s. There's some great videos, by the way, if you're ever bored. I don't know if you ever looked up on YouTube judges handling people acting out of line at, like, sentencing things. Really? It's incredible. Who does that? Have you ever seen the one where the girl is, like, she says something in Spanish to this Cuban judge in Miami. He has a really heavy accent.

Oh, I remember this. You ever seen that? No. It's unbelievable. This is it. has a really heavy accent. Oh, I remember this. You ever seen that? No. It's unbelievable. This is it. That's it right there. It's unbelievable, man. She flips the bird to the judge?

And then she says something in Spanish to be cheeky to him. Right. And then he's like, come back here. What did you say? And she's like, I said buenos dias. And he gives her like an extra 30 days. And then she's like,

gives, flicks him off, walk, he's like, come back again. And he gives her like an extra 90 days. Whoa.

She thinks she cute. That's why. You know what I'm saying? She is pretty. She thinks she too cute. She's like laughing and stuff. She thinks she cute. Yeah.

He fucking crushes her. Isn't that interesting that it's the judge's discretion? Yeah. That he can do that? Yeah. How weird is that? That shouldn't be the case.

No, it shouldn't be. Like you're punishing her because she's being disrespectful to you or to the court itself? To both. I think that you have to respect the court. Did you see what they did to that Alabama judge? No. There was... Oh, yeah.

Can I hear some of this? I think she's high, though. Or will we get yanked? I don't think so. You'll get yanked. Let me hear what he has to that alabama judge no he there was oh yeah can i hear she's high though will we get yanked i don't think so you'll get we hear what he says to say to her it has no sound oh really oh oh it's probably like the courtroom camera come back tom will do the voice come back here she's laughing and smiling yeah ding dong isn't it funny how people when they're in a position like that

you're caught like you're in court and they have all the power you want to pretend like you don't give a fuck you know I'd give a lot of fuck if I were her

if I were in front of a judge I'd be very very respectful and scared I don't fuck with the law she just flipped him off yeah crazy now he's angry oh yeah that's amazing I'd be very, very respectful and scared. I don't fuck with the law. She just flipped him off. Yeah. She's crazy. Now he's angry.

Oh, yeah. That's amazing that he can just do that. Yeah. It's kind of amazing because that's almost too much power. Like, I understand that you're violating the court, but should it really be up to the judge to arbitrarily decide to give you 30 more days or 90 more days or whatever they give you? Should it really be up to him?

I mean, maybe there's a rule. Like if you say the F word or if you give someone the finger, you get an automatic like whatever. Oh, but then they should be able to pick. Maybe that's the rule. I don't know. Maybe he's. You think it is?

Maybe. I think it's. That's contempt of court, isn't it? Guys, I went to law school for two weeks. Yeah. We didn't learn that. It's contempt of court to uh to be disrespectful right yeah for sure you're not supposed to flip off a judge you're supposed to dress a certain way i mean

obviously the jumpsuit thing is its own thing but like yeah you're supposed to respect the court yeah the judge well she had to wear the jumpsuit because she was arrested right but do you um do you think that the judge can just decide how many days he gives you? I mean, there's got to be a limit to it. Like, you can't be sentenced for contempt. Piece of shit. Look at that. Cursed judge gets like a year. Wow. Cursed judge gets 364 days in jail for contempt.

Well, he's a domestic violence asshole. Yeah. I just don't know what the rules are, like what a judge can do and what they can't. I don't know either. For sentencing, sentencing's a weird thing. they have minimums for certain things like murder and armed robbery and violent crimes there's probably there's got to be parameters for but that's why they're that's why you they're always like oh this judge particularly is lenient on this and that matter like you you almost want to choose your judge and you choose your jurors the attorneys

do based on okay so i didn't really go to law school for two weeks and we did learn about jury selection and the key is you do want to get and this is horrible but usually like the dumbest people like you want to have people that are really you know um easily persuaded to whatever your cause is clearly right and a judge too that is favorable they're liberal if they're whatever. That's true, right? You could guess based on their past. The precedents, yeah. Man.

Yeah. It's very fluid. Jeez, Tom. Jeez, you doing all right? I mean. Freaking us out by drinking that so quick. I drink a lot of water. Sorry. No, you don't.

That's the first time you've cracked it open. What? Jesus. Are you guys fighting well I hydrate a lot more than he does oh is this an issue it is yeah, but it's not close You hydrate more than of course absolutely not I've been hydrating this whole time mmm interesting, but he has that drink too That's I'm just this is hydration much smaller. Well. I'm a smaller being I way like a fraction of what he was very tiny and petite.

Oh, geez, look at my moniker. Dad mouth. The water champion. I say the water champion. Is that what you tell people? Yeah, I told them. I'm so wrong. I'm clearly the water champion. We've decided this.

I got to do a full new show. A lot of times, you know, they go, you're doing like eight minutes. Right. I did the entire broadcast. I did the weather and everything all as DJ Dadmouth. What city was this in? Des Moines. Really?

Yeah. They're probably so happy you were there. They were just like. Oh, my God. What are you doing in Des Moines? I was there. I did two nights just at the Funny Bone. Is it fun?

Yeah. I had a really good time. Really good time. Did you come up with this DJ dad mouth thing? Just like, was it a specific, like a plan? Or did you do it for fun? For fun. Totally for fun.

But did you do it one day? Yeah. And then we just did more. Now, what happened was, tell Joe the whole story. I was eight months pregnant. And he's like, I'm going to buy a ton of DJing equipment. I'm like, wait, what are you doing? He's like, I'm going to buy a ton of DJing equipment. I'm like, wait, what are you doing? He's like, I'm going to buy $10,000 worth of shit in our house.

And I was like, all right. I clearly knew this was his last hurrah as a free person. So I try not to give him too much static. And then sure enough, all this DJing stuff shows up. Not $10,000 and stuff. Yo, you've got decks and fucking lights and lasers in the garage. You've been hanging around Russell? Yes, that's what I said. Yes, you've got decks and fucking lights and lasers in the garage. You've been hanging around Russell? No.

Yes, that's what I said. Yes. Russell Peters got you. Yes. Yeah, he's got a lot. He's got you. Well, he's a real DJ. He does like, he goes to clubs.

Yeah, he can do it. What did you say? He does it? No, he does, yes. You're making a face. He does, yes. What's that face? She's making a face because I was like, I'll get good enough at this to do after parties

after my shows. Were you serious? I was half, I'll get good enough at this to do after parties after my shows. Were you serious? I was half serious, yeah. Because I was like, you know what? Because I love hip hop. I've always grown up and I've always wanted to do it. So I got the, I got like, you know, I'm not 10,000, not even 5,000, like not even close to that.

I just bought turntables and got- Fur jackets, gold chains. No, but come on. That shit was just silly to get. If you were a DJ today and you were trying to spin turntables, don't you think people would be asking to take selfies in the middle of it and it would fuck up your flow? Oh. If I was DJing.

Yeah, if you were doing an after party, people would try to take selfies with you. Like, can you just take a selfie? You're like, I'm in the middle of spinning. I'd be up there. They don't spin anymore. But on my Facebook. Yeah, you're like, I'm in the middle of spinning. I'd be up there. But they don't spin anymore. But on my Facebook. Yeah, you're probably right. For sure they would.

Yeah. You'd back up your whole routine. I have to be honest. Who really gave me the idea where I was like, oh, this is actually possible was Hannibal. Because I was in Cleveland earlier this year. And I saw him tweet that he was in Cleveland doing a pop-up show. He just tweeted out, I'm doing like a was in cleveland doing a pop-up show right he just tweeted out i'm doing like a whatever like a rock club pop-up show no advance notice so i texted him i was like i'm over at hilarities that great club in cleveland uh when is your show he said like

nine i go mine's at eight you want to do a guest spot and he goes yeah so then afterwards he had an after party at the uh and i and that's me basically geeking out on the decks look how excited thomas yeah so and then tony trim which is uh the dj that travels with him was like oh dude you can just get this and you can just buy this stuff and and and that's what really got me to do it scroll one up let's look at that white guy dance move. Look at that. Look at that move you're doing there. Yeah, I did.

He's doing it. You're doing this. Okay, dad. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. You're just listening to your seal. But that's what

really geeked me out. But I'm never gonna say that. But the name DJ Dadmouth came because he was becoming a father at the time

and I was like, you're like way lame, bro. You're me a dad yeah and then it kind of morphed into dj dad that's true all that's true but taking it on to morning news was like that's a one-time goof funny that was like so fun i was like all the time you know so when you went on as a one-time goof did you have a plan or did you not really what'd you do i was just like the fun thing was to go was when because i the thing that i hate the most when you do them they're like what can audiences

expect this weekend they always say that oh i hate that and i'm like a fucking show jokes um yeah what do you talk about yeah what's what's what's bothering you right now tom yeah that's the setup tell what's going on in your life and they think you're like and then they go just do whatever you want like just have fun with it so when they do that i was just like What's going on in your life? And then they go, just do whatever you want. Just have fun with it. So when they do that, I was just like, I don't really give a fuck about comedy. And then they were like, what? I'm like, it's about the after party. I'm going to be DJing while I'm here.

Just to goof on them. It's so stupid. It's so funny. Because it was fun to have them be like, all right. But you are at the funny bone, right? I mean, for a minute. I don't even really care about the funny bone. And then you have the funny bone sitting right there off camera like, what are you doing? Panicking.

Right. I'm like, who cares? The best part is when he sets up like the really cheesy anchors to ask him stupid questions. Yeah. Like, did you, oh, you had someone do the bird is fat thing. That was the best one. Yeah. Because you know, if you ever, sometimes when you go, hey, you know, ask me about farts

or something. Right. They'll be like, eh. Like, so they know not to, they check themselves on asking something provocative or that's not 100% PG. So I didn't know how it would go, but I go, oh, ask me why birds so fat. And the lady goes, okay. And then so we just are in the middle of this interview.

And she goes, why is Bert so fat? And I was like, that's a good question. Like, I just rolled with it, you know? And then it grew. And then a hot dog eating champion, a guy that was in the Nathan's Challenge, he placed, didn't he place? Yeah, he's like one of the, he was like a super competitive eater. Like a Kobayashi dude? Yes.

This guy. This guy. Can you play the audio on this? It's incredible. Life-changing stuff. Dropped about 100 pounds in eight months. He dropped 100 pounds? It was my cheat day for the year.

But prepping just gallons of water. I have two giant inspirations first my wife It's our second anniversary today. I want to say hi to her and There's a comedian. I love he's a big giant fat guy just like me Bert Chrysler He's still way bigger than I am But you know what Maybe I can inspire him There you go Now for people Why is this funny This is why it's funny Tom and Bert

Have been doing this thing For a fucking year now Where Tom will write Hashtag Bert is fat And then Bert will write Tom is fat And then they'll argue They make videos

With their shirts off Arguing who's fatter Yeah It was funny It's actually you know It's died down a lot But like the fact That that guy He did did it on his own, which is incredible. Dude, when I put a picture of you up, I see hashtag Bert is fat.

If I talk about you, if I tweet about you, hashtag Bert is fat. Oh, yeah. It really took off. Yeah, it did. That's a meme that we didn't like, we talked about on your mom's house, but we never thought. We do all kinds of silly stuff, but this one really resonated with the audience. Why did that one really resonate? You know what there was there was great theories about this and I and I think it was this I think Matt Fultron pointed out

To me the full charge said you gave him the formula you gave audiences a joke formula. Here's a person Mm-hmm. It's a fat joke Go go ahead. And I think was what what was fun for people just to jump in on something that it's all like the formula is there and you're asking them to pick a side yes that's the competitive nature of it yeah yeah and they know that you guys really are good friends some did some did not i would say most most people did most people did some people get mad oh yeah some people were like really fucking really harsh and really like fuck i've always fucking hated bird he's a piece of shit like you're like whoa like shit like that but it wasn't

the majority some people were like that though yeah same thing to me some people were like you know see it's one of my theories about this Trump thing. I think people just pick a fucking side and that side represents the battle. Yeah. And it doesn't have to make any sense. Right. And whatever fact you bring about, they're like, I don't care. Like one of the things that I, if I post something about Hillary, like some, I get so many people that get so fucking upset.

I'm like, look, it doesn't take away from like one guy was saying that um that uh the uh there's a bunch of different ones but there was one recently um a wiki leaks one that came out today where wiki leaks is saying that she uh she said she asked about julian assange whether they could just drone this guy yeah yeah she's like which is kind of funny like i mean i get it you know she's saying he's thumbing his nose up in America. Can't we just drone this guy? Who knows whether she really said it or not. But the problem is, if somebody tweets it, the people that support Hillary don't go, whoa, that's kind of interesting.

They go, oh, you fucking think that she really mean that? Where's your proof? All of a sudden, they're defending their side. They're defending that person. They're so emotionally invested in her winning over Trump that instead of going, whoa, did she really say that? Right. Let's check the story out.

Or, and as a human being, just going, what do you think she meant? Do you think it was a joke? Or is she crazy? Right. Or is this, do you think this is what they really do? And then you start thinking about some of the things that have taken place, like that fucking kid who leaked the emails to the DNC and wound up getting shot at four o'clock in the morning in the back in front of his house. You know that story, right?

I don't know that story. No. No. No. This is a kid, four o'clock in the morning. This is a guy who leaked the emails that showed that they collaborated to get Hillary elected over Bernie Sanders, make sure that she got the nomination. I mean, they literally distorted, they distorted democracy.

I mean, they literally distorted democracy. The Democratic national campaign was working to try to get Hillary elected over him. Because Bernie Sanders is not really a Democrat. He's more of an independent. He doesn't play party line games. And they had decided pretty early on that they were going to support her. So it's not like the Democratic National Committee is just being completely objective and just doing their best. He was murdered?

Malik Assange hints murdered D.C. staffer was email leaker. Offers $20,000 reward for info. Oh my goodness. Yeah, this is a crazy story. It's a crazy story. I mean, if that is what happened and they decided to have someone kill that kid so that kid

is the one that leaked that exactly but here's the thing it worked it not only is it he's dead but no one's talking about it anymore it's just one of those things he just kind of went away i don't know what happened i mean he might have just been killed in some random act of violence because he was in a bad place at the wrong time or somebody might have fucking killed him. Yeah. Like, that might have happened too. Deliberate. If he really did leak those emails, like, that is nuts. Yeah.

That's scary. That's a movie. Yeah, that is a movie. It sure is. And in this crazy, chaotic election, nobody has any time for that. There's too many other things you have to be thinking about.

There's a million different things going on at the same time. Yeah, it really makes you like those pick and sides things to always makes you realize i think that that elections are never decided by either side it really is decided by that person that can be swayed it's such a small that's the weird thing you know you're never going to sway the left the far left or the far right it's all about the person who's like but who is the undecided like are you really those are two polar in my opinion opposite people trump and hillary it's not like how are you on the fence if they're so i don't understand the way they're thinking they're so

polar it's a joke yeah right it's like a cartoon yeah right it's almost like some people can they have to be able to ignore the noise of all the the news stuff and the conversations you really got to be like what's the policy on this and then i guess some people are actually caught up you know thinking about an actual and then not the drama of it all yeah you have to ignore the drama right if you're if you're one of those people that's actually going back and forth right you have to have to. Well, just neither are ideal. And anybody that pretends that either are ideal is crazy. Yeah.

No. So I get you want to stop Trump because you think he represents everything that's wrong in the world. Well, to some people, Hillary represents everything that's wrong in politics. Right. Some people have a problem with that, too. Right. It's just, the whole thing, it's just, it's a weird sort of a social study, as much as it is an election.

You're watching this team thing play out in this very strange way. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know either. Who do you think's going to win? That's the thing. See, that's the thing. It's like, who do you think's going to win? I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know either. Who do you think's going to win? That's the thing.

See, that's the thing. It's like, who do you think's going to win? I don't know. I'm thinking. I think people will fucking pick a side. They'll pick a side, whether it's Democrat or Republican. They'll pick a side at some point in their life, and then they just start accepting stuff to stay on the team.

Yeah. Right. Start going with stuff that goes that way. stuff to stay on the team. Yeah. Right. Start going with stuff that goes that way. And, you know, I mean, there's like some ridiculous, like, super ultra sensitive left wing stuff that I think is preposterous.

And then there's some ridiculous right wing, super conservative, ultra religious stuff that I think is preposterous. And you can only be one or the other. Like, if you're a Republican, you have to believe in God and you have to be conservative and you have to, you know, you have to. Right. Now, the party, what the party is now is completely different than what it was in the 80s when Reagan was chilling and everyone was happy. Well, in the 80s is when they courted the religious right. That's how they made it the religious right.

The 80s, those religious people are a big part of the reason why Reagan got elected in the first place. Because they organized. Those church people organized. Right. They all supported him because, know he was supporting christian values there was much more of a separation of church and state in the earlier years of the government yeah i feel well i feel like this year's election is in our lifetime or my lifetime is the most like that the votes are based on the the hatred of the other candidate more so than supporting the candidate. In some ways. But some people love Trump.

They fucking love him, man. They love the idea that this guy's going to come in and just shake it up. Shake it up. Shake it up with all kinds of stupid. That's what I'm going to do. That is the dumbest fucking guy. That's absurd. That debate the other night was insane. Yeah. I saw people that I like who said that he won the debate. That is the dumbest fucking guy. It's absurd. That debate the other night was insane.

I saw people that I like who said that he won the debate. That's so... Dave Rubin said it. No, boo-boo. Dave Rubin said he thinks that overall Trump won. Maybe the beginning was just brutal. I missed the beginning.

Did you see the beginning? No, I did not either. I only saw the end when he was just stumbling. He said he has a winning temperament. And she just clowned him. She's clowned him. Well, the winning temperament thing was such a childish temper tantrum. Well, it's so weird because he turns it around. Like, the question was, did you say that Hillary doesn't have the right look to be president?

And he goes, the look, the stamina. She doesn't have the stamina. And she doesn't have a winning temperament be president. And he goes, the look, the stamina. She doesn't have the stamina. And she doesn't have a winning temperament. I have a winning temperament. And he turns it around on himself. Yeah. Because he knows that the big knock. So he's getting defensive.

That was bait that he couldn't ignore. Because the big knock had been, well, one of the big knocks was like, well, you don't have the temperament. Because he's very thin-skinned, right? Like anybody tweets something at him, he fights, you know, he has all the insults. It's because his temperament doesn't seem presidential,

but he has a winning temperament. That's the spin. That's a neat spin. It's a scary part, but it just shows how much he absorbed all that stuff and was defensive about it. Yeah. Yeah. No,

he's very defensive. He also told the presidential. Yeah. He gets very like, doesn't really get away But it's one of those things that his supporters ignore was how often you know, he just goes like wrong He was wrong. That's not never said that and it's all stuff that he did say Yeah, and they just go like who cares if he just and didn't is some part of the test tax thing came out that he How much money 915 something million dollars in losses

so he didn't have to pay taxes for a long time 18 years yeah 18 years no taxes really well he they said that he basically it's legal what he what they're saying but this might be the reason why he hasn't wanted to release his tax returns is that that level of loss would allow him to not pay taxes on essentially 50 million in income no federal taxes for about 20 years yeah but they're saying you know that's why the reluctance to probably because once that's out there even though he didn't break a law that's you know well it also crushes the illusion that he's a successful businessman. Of course. Yeah.

You don't lose $950 million or whatever it was if you're doing great. Yeah. That's just a fact. He's filed bankruptcy. I mean, not personal bankruptcy, but, you know. A couple times. A few times, yeah. But it was weird when he was talking on the debate and Hillary brought that up and he

goes, it's because I'm smart. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm smart. I goes, it's because I'm smart. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm smart. I don't pay taxes. I'm smart. You're running for president. Like people who have paid taxes only make like 40 grand a year.

You're not going to want to hear that. Right. President Camacho, man, we might get them. We're getting the prophecy of idiocracy. I know. What do you think is going to happen next?

Because this is what's fascinating to me. It's like once we get through him, okay, and whether or not he, I don't think he can win at this point, but I've been wrong before. Yeah. People, no, Trump fans are getting mad. You don't think he's going to win. I'm going to piss on your brain. When he wins, you kill yourself when you move to Canada. Again, this is the hate mail episode. Yeah. This is the hate mail episode. Let's say, if he wins, it's when you move to Canada again this is the hate mail episode

yep this is the hate mail episode let's say if he wins it's going to be very fascinating for us it's going to be a windfall

it's just going to matter you know what it's going to be like it's like have you ever done like when I was living in New York there was an inside joke with comedians that like

if you were all a bunch of starters you just started out and there is a black comic that comic would always want to go on last like no man I was told I was supposed to headline right but if it was a black guy with two other

black guys he always wanted to go on first oh right so they could do all the man I haven't seen this many white people since my trial yeah yeah yeah a bunch of hacky shit. Yeah. Auction jokes. Yeah.

If Trump becomes president, we will all be that hacky urban comic. Right. Right. There'll be so much to choose. Four years of bad jokes. You want to go on stage early because you don't want to go on after everybody beats the Trump material in the ground. You know what, though? That's so true. That is so true.

Your hair stuff, your hair jokes. Oh, the orange face. Well, then it's all the crazy shit he's going to say. Yeah. All the dumb shit he's going to do. But you know, I get the feeling that he doesn't really want to be president. I don't think so either. He just likes the attention.

He's a bit of a megalomaniac. He likes people talking about him. But it's so, okay, let's say he gets elected. I really don't see him doing, what's the motivation? So he's just going to be in the headlines now and, you know. He wants to be referred to as Mr. President. I think that's the biggest rush for him. Zim president, sir.

Do you think that once you get in though, I mean, once he's in there, maybe he's not going to want to let it go though. Maybe he's going to actually try to make a mark. You know, do some stupid shit. I feel like his favorite, his perfect scenario, I don't think he would ever want to give up running his businesses. I think he loves it. He loves his lifestyle.

I don't think he wants to be tied to the White House. I think his dream scenario is that this is a close race. And then he goes, like, I basically should have won. This was pretty much rigged. And there should be another vote count. Well, he was saying that about the debate. Yeah, he did. It was a rigged deal. Yes, rigged and there should be another vote count well he was saying that about the debate yeah he did it was a rigged deal yes rigged deal yeah he said that about one of the um one of those uh what's it called during when there were more candidates in the republican primaries he lost one state and like the day or two after he was like i think i won like he lost like iowa

or something he was i think i won that yeah i didn't want to give it what's he gonna even do like what does he want it's just so amazing that he's this close it's so amazing that he's the nominee now it's so embarrassing for the republicans it's embarrassing for all we just left columbus where this happened as we were leaving uh some random janitor found all these black ballot boxes in a warehouse. What? And they're already filled out for a bunch of Franklin County, like, different places, and Hillary Clinton's marked on all of them.

What? What? Where is this? It just came out yesterday, and I was looking at it. I was like, I don't know how, but I'm seeing it on a whole bunch of news sites right now. Yeah. It's being looked into right now. What website is this at?

This one is from PamelaGiller.com. Who's Pamela Giller? I have no idea. I just clicked on the first one I saw, but this was like the local NBC station was reporting it. Pamela Giller. That's Donald Trump's niece. Snopes reported it. Whoa.

It says false, but it's on a bunch of sites right now, so it might not be true. Sorry I brought that up just now. Why would they do it before the election? Dammit, Jimmy. Origin. See there? Look at this. That'll be weird. Christian Times newspaper, an article do it before the election? Damn it, Jimmy. Origin. See there? Look at this. That'll be weird.

Christian Times newspaper, an article reporting tens of thousands. It's fake, dude. Yeah. How dare you, Jamie? I love how they're all marked ballot box, too, so you know. Yeah. Lest you be confused. Clinton ballot boxes.

I know. It's not only that. If you look at some of them, the way it was, it looked like they were photoshopped on. Yeah. Because it was not, like, parallel with the box itself. Sure. Okay, let's get rid of this, Jamie.

Okay. This is fake. Yeah. But it's happened. I'm sure they've done it before. You know, I'm sure someone has written. Yeah. You ever see Hacking Democracy?

No. Hacking Democracy is great. It was an HBO documentary on those machines, the Diebold machines. Is this the Hangin' Chad? No. No. Democracy is great. It was an HBO documentary on those machines, the Diebold machines. Is this the Hangin' Chad? No. No. But that happened. They rigged the machines.

The machines were rigged so that they could have a third party enter data. So not just you, not the person who counts, but a third person who enters data to change the votes. The machines were 100% hackable. Oh my God. And they had designed them to be so. To be hackable. They designed them to have third-party input.

And they showed in the Hacking Democracy, the guy got into the thing and changed the vote. He, like, changed a vote, like, demonstrated it to them. And then they were sitting there going, what the fuck? And not only that, the guy who made those machines or the company who made those machines was a gigantic supporter of the Republican Party. And this is when, during the Bush administration. Oh, man. Yeah. I mean, they changed their name.

The company Diebold, they had to switch their name. They switched their name. They also make ATMs. Oh, no. Dang. Oh, no. Just getting people elected. Yeah.

Making payments. Okay. It's crazy It's crazy how many high ranking Republicans Like renounced Their you know Their cards and announced It's a lot Oh here's one I forgot I wanted to bring up

That guy Hassert I think that's his name Who got convicted He was some big time judge Who got convicted of child molestation. Oh, old Dennis. Yes, Dennis Hassert, right? Wasn't he a senator or a congressman? What was he?

Sentenced to 15 months. That's it. Oh, my gosh. 15 months. That's all you get for that? Yeah. For illegally structuring bank transactions. Scroll back down, please.

Illegally structuring bank transactions. Scroll back down, please. Illegally structuring bank transactions in an effort to cover up his sexual abuse of young members of the wrestling team that he coached decades ago. Yep. What the fuck? How do you only get 15 months for that? How do you fuck? He was Speaker of the House. Jesus.

Yeah. Yeah, he was Speaker of the House, right? Yeah. How the fuck? Is he old? Oh, he's 74. That might be a part of it. He's so old.

Shoot him. He was diddling years ago. Why not shoot him? Let those kids all line up. Hey, hold on. Go back, please. Read this here. Mr. Hassard, 74, who made an unlikely rise from beloved small-town wrestling coach in

Illinois to Speaker of the House in Washington, sat slouched in a wheelchair in a federal courtroom here as judge announced that he would be rejecting pleas for probation. He's going to play it hard on Mr. Hassert. As well as the prosecutor's endorsement of a shorter prison stay. What? Shorter than 15 months? Oh, my God. He said, look at the judge said, the defendant is a serial child molester. Wow.

Wow. Look at this. Some actions can obliterate a lifetime of good works. Nothing is more stunning than having serial child molester and speaker of the house in the same sentence. That was the judge. 15 months is the full sentence. That's it. And he ordered him to pay $250,000 in fines.

Even if you paid those kids $1,000 every time you fucked them. Do you think it was 250 times? No. He got off cheap. You know, Joe, I used to be a fan of yours. Here, a series of illnesses, including a stroke, bloodstream infection. So he's sickly and old, which is, I bet, why they're not giving him the whole thing. So what?

So what? I think they should cut his balls off publicly. He used a walker to rise to his feet, but his cocks did harden firm as he recounted the days when he would molest young wrestlers. As a high school wrestler, I looked up to Coach Hassert. young wrestlers. As a high school wrestler, I looked up to Coach Hassert. He was a key figure in my life, said Mr. Cross,

now 53 and a businessman who works in the financial services in the Chicago area. From a podium just feet from Mr. Hassert's wheelchair, Mr. Cross recalled abuse that occurred on a locker room training table when he was 17.

I felt intense pain, shame and guilt. Holy shit. What a piece of shit, huh? This guy got away with it for so long. So long. Raping little kids. Wow.

It's just amazing that that relationship that he had as a Speaker of the House allowed him to only get 15 months. Yeah. Should be in jail for life. Forever. And he got, by the way, so many, the judge received so many letters about what an awesome guy and all the awesome things that he did. Oh, my God. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah.

Everybody was, you know, I mean, high ranking people were like, he's done amazing work. Well, that must mean that he knows something. Oh, right. They must have helped him because he knows something. They must have been one of those things where, look, if I go to jail, you're all fucked. Yeah. You write that fucking letter. Who else

stands up ever? Joe Paterno, right? When that whole shit was going down with Sandusty, even Paterno was like, ah. I don't know shit. What the fuck? Everybody backed away from Sandusty. Nobody stood up for him. Of course. Wow.

Right now I heard on the news this week, and there's a doctor that used to work for the USA Olympic team, and like the gymnast. Yeah? He's been accused of, I don't want to, like I can tell you what they said. Sexual abuse allegations? Digitally inserting girls to correct their backs. Oh, boy.

With no gloves on and stuff like that, he said. Oh, Jesus. He's going in their pussy to correct their back? Yeah, that's what he was saying he was doing, and he did it when they were on trips with no parents around and whatnot. Oh, my God. I learned that technique years ago, but I didn't know that it was still being done. Straight posture.

I did notice that. Maybe. The three-digit technique it's called. Yeah. Just threaten with the pinky, right? Yep. Shoulders back. Yep.

What the fuck, Oh my god dude That's scary stuff Did you hear about Kim Kardashian getting held up at gunpoint in Paris That's horrible Like tied up in a bath Gagged Terrible man That is terrible

That's scary shit And the guys were dressed up as cops This is a really yeah well-planned i know robbery that's terrifying yeah nine million dollars in jewelry they had nine million dollars in jewelry on them jewelry that's incredible yeah yeah i heard that he was performing in the middle of a song cut is somebody ran on stage and told him he said there was a family yeah and took off you say him you mean kan Kanye West, of course. Yes, yes.

Most people don't know. Yeezy is who I was talking about. What the fuck, man? Yeezus. How scary that must be. Someone robbing you for, imagine having $9 million of jewelry on you, too. Yeah, that you flew internationally with. Yeah, you have a dope house on you.

Yeah. That's a dope house, and you're flossing it everywhere you go. Yeah. Yeah. $9 million. yeah on you yeah you know that's a dope house and you're flossing it everywhere you go yeah yeah nine million the amount of money they make i read something about her her app the amount of money that she makes off some app it's absurd it's like 50 million dollars a month or something it's something crazy yeah 50 or 80 million a year is what i saw yeah well i might have made up some numbers yeah but that's still an outrageous amount of money it's incredible for to play a game where you're like i'm kim i'm buying a purse or something. That's what we're talking about. We're talking about she got robbed.

Robbed at gunpoint in Paris. I saw that. Paris seems like a dangerous fucking spot. Yeah. Shit keeps going down in Paris. Yeah, keeps going down. Charlie Hebdo, then the nightclub shooting thing. Yeah.

Yeah, Nice, France. Like France itself. Nice, France was the truck that drove over all those people. Yeah, yeah, that's that's right KK got robbed magic going up a kid today these are your yeah but brought in a hundred million dollars since the launch Jesus I do think what she went through is absolutely terrifying that's got to be really really horrible 100% yeah do you want to predict what kind of

guy Angelina Jolie hooks up with? This is what I think. Let's do this. Long hair, wooden beads for sure. Probably does yoga. Maybe in the Peace Corps. He's going to be really poor and doesn't care about money. And he's like

he's more of an activist and doesn't even act. Right. But then she's going to dump him after he wants to act because once they're together for a while he's going to get some offers

to do some stuff. She's going to want him to go to a basketball game and he doesn't want to do it. A couple of public appearances. Yeah. That is really spot on. I think you're

I think you're really right here. It's someone not in the public eye. Yeah. I'm thinking just an unknown guy. It's someone not in the public eye. Yeah, I'm thinking. Just an unknown guy. Yeah, like an earthy kind of raw cotton shirt. Vegan. Yeah.

He sews his own clothing, that kind of thing. Yeah. He's a professional cuddler. Did you know that there are people that are called cuddlists and they cuddle you for money? He's that guy. Yeah, I've heard of that, but I don't understand. I can do it. Come here.

You get hard. Yeah. I don't know what happens. You got to deal with that. You got to defuse that bomb. Liability. There's just a lot of, yeah, tickling. She does fluctuate, though.

So before Brad, wasn't she with Billy Bob Thornton? And she used to carry his blood around in a vial on her neck. Do you know how crazy she must be in bed? Oh. Oh. Oh. She might go weird again, because Brad seemed real normal. Right. But hot.

Might go weird again. Yeah. See, she could control that hot guy just the same way she could control Billy Bob. She's like, I like this better. Yeah. Get the hot one. Look at the two of them together. Right.

Yeah. Yeah, he had a beret. I like the sunglasses. It's not like it's night or anything. Yeah. Keep those on the two of them together. Yeah, he had a beret. I like the sunglasses. It's not like it's night or anything. Yeah. Keep those on, Billy, for sure. Yeah. Interesting.

She's eating butthole, for sure. For sure. Mm-hmm. Everybody's. Yeah. Everybody she meets. Yeah. First thing.

That's how she greets you. Yeah. She got Billy Bob tattooed on her arm, remember? She was way into that guy. Yeah, he's grabbing her tits right there in front of America. Yeah. Oof. Probably a whole lot of fun. A whole was way into that guy. Yeah, he's grabbing her tits right there in front of America. Probably a whole lot of fun. A whole lot of crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, next guy, Yogi. Yeah. Like, probably wears flip-flops a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. He's got to have some edge to him.

That's what's kind of exciting, right? He's got to have a little edge. No, I think she's going to want to control the guy. Plus, there's the kids. There's a lot of kids around. Yeah. He's got to want to control the guy. Plus there's the kids. There's a lot of kids around. Yeah. He's got to be real into being stepdaddy. She's like, how do you feel about seven kids?

And he's like, I like that. That's great. Or wouldn't a crazier move be to never have a relationship again? Just to dedicate herself to children from now on? Just take care of kids? That could be the move that she's going to do. That might be the move. Yeah.

Yeah. And then she goes J-Lo style. Just gets a bunch of little boys and just fucks them and kicks them out. Get the fuck out of my house, bitch. You know? It's not bad. Maybe that's the move.

If I divorce Tom, I might do that. Yeah. Why get married again? You can't. He's the love of my life. This would be... Wham song, Never Gonna Dance Again just started playing in my head. I'm never gonna dance again.

Get to your feet, I got no rhythm. Speculation's always fun. Would you go for the young, you look pretty young things? The PYTs? No, she would go for big black guys. You think so? Yeah, you, that's what I would say.

Wait, wait, me or Angelina? No, I'm not into the black guys. You would be. After Tom, you guys I'm not into the black guys you would be after Tom you guys you'd know the one thing you'd be like

I heard that music for so many years I want to give it a shot and then you try them and then you would like it so wait walk me through the logic though give me the back story

well this is what Tom's terrified of is just a football player with a giant hog right yeah yeah but I kind you know I kind of

fantasize about it too right well that's the poly Right. Yeah. Yeah, but I kind of fantasize about it, too. Right. Well, that's the poly part. That's our thing. Yeah. I feel like I'm kind of in the room, and I'm like, go get it, get it, get it, man. Would you want to be in the room in an invisible bubble where they couldn't hear you, and you could just yell out, and you could just jerk off freely?

Or would you want them to know you were there and just kind of whimper could just jerk off freely and or would you would you want them to know you were there and just kind of whimper a little bit i kind of fantasize about the invisible part would be cool but also like if i'm like yeah trey like like kind of like like kind of behind them you know and he's like shut up white boy like he talks some shit and i'm like all right sorry he's like does he make you suck his dick because sometimes they do no they make the guy get over here motherfucker suck my dick i don't want to suck his dick and then they go back to fucking the girl but i want uh cuck holding is that what yeah that's extreme cuck holding with a racial bias i want to do that i want to i want to walk up behind like he's done and you're like oh

my god oh my god no he's like and he like he shakes it off he's like like that and i'm like he's like i go i guess it's my turn and then he's like nah hold on and then he's like yo and then like six guys come in he's like they gotta go first and then like but then what's the what's the tagline you know how they need a funny line to wrap up the scene? I love how you're shaking a paintbrush. Yeah, yeah. I think that move's getting more popular. That's the equivalent of dropping a mic in porn now.

But then he's like, and I took your wife. What's the seal to the button to the scene? Yeah, you're right. That's what they call black magic. Who's that fucking painter that does that? What's that? Jackson Pollock? No, Jackson Pollock.

Bob Ross. No, Jackson Pollock's the guy that throws the paint all over the place. That's what it would be. That's what he's closing the line. It's the Jackson Pollock. And then he'd be like, that's my Jackson Pollock. There, that's the line. Flop.

They all do it. Flop. And some dudes have yellow commas. Whose comma's yellow? Not mine. Really? Not mine. What the fuck? No, he drops like that. They all do it. Flop. And some dudes have yellow commas. Whose comma's yellow? Not mine. Really? Not mine. What the fuck?

No, he drops like that. He goes, put that in the Getty. And then he walks out of the room. You nailed it. That's the line. They definitely could put it in LACMA. Yeah. That's right.

They could. It's probably already in there. You know, we saw the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibit at the Getty. Yeah. See Piss Christ? You didn't know that? No, but I like the way you said it. It was so great.

The definitive Mapplethorpe work was Piss Christ. Well, I was, or guys getting fisted and assholes and cocks. None of that was on the walls. And I was so upset. Yeah, some nice portraits, maybe one dick. I saw the exhibit when I was living in Boston. That's Piss Christ. He had a crucifix dunked in a bucket of piss.

Or like a jar. Piss Christ. Or a glass jar of piss. Yeah, and it became a huge thing in the 80s. Really? Yeah, because people felt like it was blasphemous and the religious people were super upset because i just i might be wrong but i feel like he might have gotten some public funding like for piss christ for his art i feel like he might have gotten grants or something for his art guys we're in the wrong business

be fun to see my parents have an aneurysm we could show them that see their heads what's your mom's implode you gotta understand this was pre-internet. Yeah. Right. I went to his exhibit in like 80, I want to say that 80, 89? Boston? Yeah. I want to say it might have been earlier. It might have been in 87. It might have been before I did stand-up. Wow.

Okay, it did. Look at that. Oh, my God. From the taxpayer-funded National Endowment for the Arts, he received $15,000 for the work and $5,000 in 1986 for Piss Christ. This is a different guy, though. Mapplethorpe's the gay dude. Oh, this is Serrano's Piss Christ.

Oh, you got Serrano, dude. There's a different one? Yeah, Mapplethorpe's Piss Christ. Guys, there's so many Piss Christs. There's multiple ones? Maybe it's Serrano's Piss Christ? Is it Mapplethorpe's Piss Christ? Is that the same guy?

Does it involve balls and cocks? Am I wrong here? Why do I feel like I'm... I feel like that was who made it. It was Mapplethorpe's Piss Christ. Right? Piss Christ. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I conflagulated. Did I?

Did Mapplethorpe have one too or did I make it up? Did he take a picture of it? He could have. Is that it? We'll find out here. He was a furtographer. Furtographs. Furtographs. A brief history of Piss Christ.

Does Mapplethorpe have to do with it? Anything with it? It's in there? There it is. There's Mapplethorpe. Oh, it's just that he was also granted money, it looks like. Oh. Right?

A punishment for its role in supporting the work of an artist. The NEA saw its funding for the next year cut by $45,000 because of that. Okay, here it goes. Funds that are given to Serrano made Piss Christ by the way of an NEA-supported SECCA fellowship and another $30,000 to atone for the sum given in support of a Robert Mapplethorpe show at the Philadelphia Institute of Contemporary Art. Okay, so he didn't do it. It was somebody else.

It was Serrano. So Mapplethorpe was just all the fists and buttholes and stuff. Yeah. But it really was upsetting that they wouldn't show that stuff. Like that's what the guy's known for don't give me this that we're looking at patty smith portraits the whole time but he did that too right like yes why is it why why do we have such a hard time with sex no like that kind of stuff but not a hard time with violence like we were talking right yeah

we were talking about um uh narcos, so violent. Yeah, crazy violent You know but and it's a lot of sex in that show too, but we're so it's okay like we don't we don't have nearly as much like I Don't want to give away any spoiler alerts, but there was there's a scene where a kid gets shot I don't want to say when it happens, but when it happens It's so graphic. I was thinking, that is so crazy that they can show that kind of violence,

like violence on adults against a kid, but you could never show actual sex. Do you remember that Vince Gallo movie? Yeah, Brown Bunny, where Chloe Sevigny blows him.

Yeah. That's not the movie it's in though, right? Yeah, Brown Bunny, where Chloe Sevigny blows him. Is that the- Sevigny. I don't fuck with that. That's not the movie it's in, though, right? Brown Bunny. It's Brown Bunny? Sure is. She blows him and he comes on her face.

Yeah. What a neat role. She said that really, really fucked up her career. It should. Yeah, it's not a smart move. Well, what does he think? I mean, I guess he was making the same argument, right? He was making the argument like why is it?

Okay to have violence. Yeah. Why is it okay to have all these aspects of people kissing and grabbing each other's asses? We can have actual sex right? He also just wanted a blowjob Probably I don't know if he maybe yeah, why do you have to look at it that way? But then the irony too is on mainstream mainstream television shows, it's all TNA. You know, like, okay, I watched Glee, I told you, on Netflix. And that's really just eye candy. It's a bunch of high school girl cheerleader outfits, you know? How about Fox News?

Right. What they're doing with their legs. Pageants. They're all just slicked up and shaved down and scissoring and crossing the legs. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. Imagine if men could read the news in a tank top.

If you could be in a tank top and bikini underwear just reading the news. Just shredded, shaved down, oiled up. Yeah. Such a great world. Your lips done. Right. Big fucking pirate hoop earrings. Right.

Just letting people know you're ready to sleep. Well, there's such a, I mean, look, Tom watches these ESPN four hour after football shows, what are they called? Mm-hmm. You know,

fucking sports sesh or whatever. Yeah, right. And these guys that are working on these shows, they're fucking basset hounds, man. They're mostly older, unattractive,

and there's no way a woman would be able to get away with looking like shit on TV the way these dudes do. But they're mostly older unattractive there's no way a woman would be able to get away with looking like shit on tv the way these dudes do but they're football experts right right that's true so i mean okay but there's no attractive but there's i mean like it's not the news but even on news show on news though the standards it's true that for for men oh yeah way different oh yeah i mean there's some There's some real fucking dogs. Yeah. The women can't.

They either have to be really old, like Barbara Walters, like a stateswoman. Yeah. Yes. But what's interesting is you have these really ridiculously hot women, and they're reading the news, but they don't have to know shit about the news. They just have to read off a teleprompter. Sure. The reason why the comparison with the football guys doesn't work, because football is one of those things

like, I don't know shit about football, but there's some dudes who know everything about football, and they can recall games from the 1960s and the play that was used to win Super Bowl 44, and those fucking guys, like that's... They essentially do what you do, in that

they can look at a play that took seven seconds, and tell you everything that happened, the same that they can look at a play that took seven seconds and tell you everything that happened the same way you can tell you know how a guy got beat like and you go well his arm dropped there that guy saw an opportunity you put him in a choke like you see that fast these guys go they watch the play and right away they go well what happened was that linebacker he got he got uh tricked into into thinking he bit for the fake. So he came up. It opened up this guy to run across the middle.

Like, they'd do that in two seconds. But they should be hot. You know what I mean? Right. They should be hot. I get that. Why can't they be hot? The thing is, look at 60 Minutes.

That fucking guy was practically dead. Is he dead now? He is dead, yes. But they let him on TV. Morley Safer. I thought he was Andy Rooney. He's definitely dead. He's dead too.

They couldn't even talk towards the end of his life. And they're letting that guy on TV and they're complaining that Barbara Walters is too old. What are you talking about? This guy can barely get through a fucking sentence. That's true. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, I mean, he was definitely old and not camera ready as they would say. Like Diane Soria, she's still hanging in there, right?

Diane Soria is still strong. But that's like She's still hanging in there Right Yeah Diane Sawyer's still strong But that's like another Stateswoman Yes A woman who's Established Right Respected

And very smart She's not fuckable As long as she's of the age Where she's unviable She was though She was hot She was beautiful Like back in the day

But she never did like Megyn Kelly stuff Like you ever see Megyn Kelly from Fox's Sexy photo shoots and stuff? Oh, does she do photo shoots? But I think, is it Sawyer or one of... Leslie Stahl or Sawyer?

Shirts hanging off the shoulder? I wish you would do a photo spread, Joe. You're good. Thank you. Look at her ass out. Why do you do this? Why? Because she's hot as fuck. She's hot as the sun. Go to the full body one up there.

She's a newscaster? She's hot as the sun. Go to the full body one up there. Up left. Left, left, left. But I mean, if you're... She's a newscaster? She's hot as the sun. That's why she's doing that. Because every guy's like, I'm a Republican! I give up! I give up! Touch me, please! Not even today. I mean, one day. She had a real fun Trump battle.

Yeah, but she gave in. She gave in. Did she give in? Yeah, she had a meeting. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not real. The lingerie one's not real, is it? Don't even click on it. Okay, I hope so.

Yeah, she gave in and sat down with them and was like, they had like a friendly conversation. And she was like really... Forgiving? Well, not just forgiving, but like she backed off like a lot. Like she backed up and it was just, I mean, I get it. That's your job.

You know, if you want to be the conservative person, he's a conservative icon, right? I mean, he's in that. Is that her? No, that's not her.

Who is that? I can see her nip nip. I don't know. Who's that? That might be another one of them. There's a bunch of them. That's not her though. No.

I mean, that's another one. Unless it was her when she was younger. A nice young lady. It might be her. That might be her one of them There's a bunch of them That's not her though No I don't think Unless it was her When she was younger A nice young lady That's not her It might be her That might be her When she was younger

Yeah Might be It's entirely possible But yeah Guys don't do that Like what fucking Fox News anchor Is gonna have his shirt off

Shaved down And like Laying back like sensual With his mouth open With a strawberry in his mouth You know Anderson wants to though. I wish he was. See and here's a thing and you can say that and that makes

sense but I'm supposed to be down with like the women's movement that says that that's an expression. That's her expression of her letter and it is yes but again if you're a professional newscaster is that really what you want to be presenting to the world? It didn't exist. What a hot newscaster, is that really what you want to be presenting to the world?

Well, the thing is, it didn't exist. What, a hot newscaster? Before Fox. Yeah, well, they figured out they can get ratings. They could get men to pay attention. A lot. Words, words, words. They crush the ratings, too. Men that are really into politics are almost entirely

unfuckable. That's why they get really into politics. Usually they're married and they're like i'm giving up and they just they round out and their fucking chin starts dropping and they remember the good old days and they watch that fox news all right and they see these they're so hot they try their wife's yelling at them and shit and they just ice queens on fox news those are the women of republican yeah that's funny that they're all the same. It's so funny. Actually, if you go to that image on the bottom left there, those have all been women that have done news on Fox.

It's pretty funny. Yeah. It's amazing. They're robots. It's a robot. It's like, it's a real doll factory. It's pretty funny. Yeah.

They're all just super hot. Yeah. Wow. But I get it. Look, it's a smart move. It makes total sense. They crush the ratings, man. I don't know if they do anymore.

Really? As far as the cable news outlets? I don't know. I think they dominate. I feel like some I just read recently that they weren't doing so well anymore. Really? Yeah. I don't think cable news is doing so well anymore.

Well, maybe in the grand scheme of things, but within the cable news competition, I think they dominate. Let's find out. Jamie, who dominates cable news? Cable ratings. Fox beats CNN and MSNBC combined. Wow. Damn, son. The hot chick method, guys. That's the way to do it. Maybe I should be

wearing a lingerie during your mom's house. I wonder if that goes up or down depending on who's president like i wonder when you have a republican president if cnn gets a bump right because people are pissed yeah that's probably that is probably how it works because people fox news thrives on every obama story for sure you know but does cnn go deep too do they go with the uh scantily clad beautiful ladies as well? No. I don't think so.

I watch CNN. No, they have pretty ladies. Yeah. They're pretty, but it's not like that. And they have more diversity. They have a couple of basset hounds too. Hello. Hello. Hello.

They have a couple of cuties. Well, we don't have to go over each one. Yeah. But the thing that's odd about it is that it never existed before. And then once they figured that formula, they're like, oh, we got this. Yeah. This is what we do now. It's like the ladies in football.

They're reporting from the ground or whatever you guys call it. Exactly. Super hot. Hey, guys. I'm proud of that ball game. And I'm one of the guys. I'm just kidding. I like that.

I'm one of the guys. There's some really good ones, though. There's some really good reporters. Yeah. Female reporters. Yeah. There is an MMA, too. Yeah.

Gender traitors. Andrew Kramer is great. Gender traitors. I'm trying to think. There's a few really good ones. They got the hot thing was when, what's her name, Erin Andrews. Look where it got her. They peeped her.

Yeah, they peeped her. Those fucking creeps. They cut a hole in her fucking hotel room. Some dude stalked her and recorded her. it's so fucking gross yeah i really fucked it god it sucks being a woman she knows her shit though she doesn't know she knows her sport yeah she knows football it is funny though because when not football but if you think about politics when i said the most people guys that are into politics are unfuckable what i mean by that honestly is what they're usually like guys who are married

and have families and have their dads. Yeah. And they worry about their income. They worry about where their money's going. It's not like a giant subject of the young single man. No. Until Trump came along. Yeah.

Trump was like one of the first ones where I noticed like a lot of like young single guys that were really into it. Yeah. What the fuck is that? What happened there? Maybe they grew up with him. Name recognition. He's on that reality show.

No, I'm serious. He's on TV. That guy's a reality star. I think it's just that he was so outside of the political speak. He was like, this is ridiculous. Yeah. Shit keeps shit keeps happening we're gonna fucking do something about it no fat chicks allowed do you see him mock her falling down yeah that's great yeah yeah so great it is pretty hilarious it is yeah yeah he even insinuated that she probably wasn't faithful either. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah.

He's just swinging. He goes for it. He's just swinging. That's why he's got the fans. Trump imitates Hillary Clinton for stumbling at 9-1-1 Memorial, questions her loyalty to Bill. Oh, my God. It's so crazy.

It's the apocalypse. But look at the people behind him, clapping. Yeah. Actually, they're holding up cameras. That's a strange thing, man. The device age. Yeah. Everyone with a device in their hand. If you look back at photos from the 1950s or 60s,

watch the Nixon debates with Kennedy, and you look into the audience, people are standing there. You see these people now. Everyone has a device. Everyone's capturing in their own device. I was there. I saw when he said that. He said that outrageous thing, and I captured it.

But then you're going to back up that video you took on a hard drive, right, to preserve it for the rest of your life. Like, no, you're just going to delete that video. No, no, no. You're going to send it to CNN. They need to see this. CNN needs to see video from the source. You never know.

You never know when some Black Lives Matter people might rush the stage and try to take him out. Yeah. Right? Remember that happened? There's a bunch of people might rush the stage and try to take him out. Yeah. Right? Remember that happened? There's a bunch of people who are screaming and yelling at one of his rallies. Oh, yeah. People got it on video.

Yeah. There's been so many altercations. Yeah. Oh, that's why they're doing it. I got it. Yes. To see anarchy. Yeah, not a lot of people look without holding something up anymore.

What the fuck do you think happens next? That's what we were getting at earlier. Like, two yeah like what do you got left oh this is the deep end we're in right now this is the deepest deep end ever yeah for sure right for sure the only for sure the only good out of it and i'm not being patronizing but the only good out of it honestly is we get to see a woman be president that's it yeah she's like if she was man, she would be thought of as like someone deeply entrenched in the system that's been proven to be full of shit. Has been proven to be corruption. Corruption. Yeah, yeah.

Capitalizing on their position to make ridiculous amounts of money. And there's so much going on there. Yeah. Everything that you basically criticize about politicians, She would fit the bill for that. I know you guys. The next president's going to be non-binary. What do you think? Could be.

Well, I mean, we got the black guy. We had Obama. Now it's the woman's turn. Did you see pansexual? Have you seen pansexual yet? No. Some woman came out as pansexual. She was the first politician to come out as pansexual.

See? That's my point. Next is the pansexual president. You're right. It could be like a gender thing. Pansexual she was the first politician to come out as pansexual see that's my point next is the pansexual you're right it could be like a gender thing pansexual what if we have a trans president i forget it means all right all sex all she the whole house oh wow mary gonzalez texas state representative identifies as pansexual in new interview can we get a look at her look at that look at that she went with the gender binary. Hold on. Look at that right there.

Though many might describe Gonzalo's orientation as bisexual, pansexuals don't believe in a gender binary and hence can be attracted to all gender identities. There you go.

That's the next prize. Let's get a look at Mary Gonzalez. Nope, let's not. No? Nope. No pictures. No pictures?

You don't want to see what she looks like? She didn't even say her name. We should have just called her. She? Z. We pictures. No pictures? You don't want to see what she looks like? She didn't even say her name. We should have just called her. She? Z. We don't know. We don't know what to call they.

If you could get someone from the 1960s and show them the world that we live in today. Yeah. The things that people are upset about and the restroom issues. I feel like I'm that person. The restroom issues. I feel like I'm that person. Like, I feel like I'm 40 years old, and the world is so different than the world I grew up in in the 1980s. I feel like I'm that old person that's like, I don't get it.

I don't get any of this. You know what the difference is? What? In this age, this is the first time where people who are sensitive and open-minded and progressive are going, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, it's absurdity now. It's gone so far that people who are 100% pro-gay marriage, 100% pro-racial equality, 100% pro-gender equality, all across the board, check off the things. As long as you're not hurting anybody, I'm 100% and you're doing whatever you want to do. But it's gone so far that there's just so much nonsense.

Yeah. I agree. I agree. Meanwhile, there's homelessness, much nonsense. Yeah. I agree. Meanwhile, there's homelessness, joblessness, like all the real issues, war. Asteroids. Cancer, all the shit that's been around, the human plagues, and that's not being resolved. North Korea has nukes. Right. Yeah.

But guys, we can all use the same bathroom. Yes. We saw that one. It's really important. They're close to nukes, right? Do they have nukes? Do they have nukes? Do they have nukes? Just a detonated one.

Oh, right. It registered as like an earthquake or something. Yeah, yeah. Cool. They fucking detonated a nuke. They can do nukes. Great. Homeboy's got some swag.

How long before they kill him? How are they going to kill him? I don't know. Someone's going to kill him, right? That mentality doesn't... Does it exist over there? Rebellion? I don't know.

I don't think it does. I don't think somebody else does it. But the question is... They kill you. He'll kill you if there's even a murmur all right oh yeah kill his uncle kill his uncle right away killed his uncle and his uncle's sons yeah right so he killed his nephews there's no uprising cousins cousins yeah yeah you don't fuck around dude how crazy is that i mean that that's today i mean that he's got a whole country like that gripped but the thing about a guy like that is if you kill them what happens next like how do you get those people like they are so programmed well that's the best part see we go there and we open

up an olive garden and we show them coca-cola mcdonald's and we get to rebuild north korea what do you think i think we let the south koreans figure it out yeah they just take one in to each house yeah separate them from their family north korea men like a dog fucked man they're fucked yeah take them in like like someone's gotta train someone yeah like you're from another country to whatever deprogram them yeah like a cult train them like like a puppy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You realize that you could be 40 in North Korea, come into, you know, sneak into China

or something, and you don't know anything in this whole world. You're like a 40-year-old infant, basically. You don't know the rest of the world. You don't know anything. No. Nothing. But I'm saying, then, why don't we colonize them like we did the Middle East, like Iraq? Because they're so volatile.

Because they have weapons and they're right next to South Korea. Yeah. Like, we really like South Korea. Yeah. They make Samsung. First on CNN, North Korea may be planning October surprise. What? What is that?

Is that today? Oh, Jesus. God. What is October surprise? Like, to fuck with our elections? Oh, Jesus. God. What is October's surprise? Like, to fuck with our elections? Oh, God. I mean, it's so strange. Yeah.

And then, you know what also disturbs me? It's like, we're so calm about all the conflict in the rest of the world, because there's not really that much over here. Right. So we kind of minimize it, and we concentrate on some other nonsense and we you know fill our face with sugar yeah and the rest of the world is embroiled in all these battles like india and pakistan are right next to each other and they fucking hate each other and russia's invading the ukraine and there's all this crazy shit that's going on with them and then this's Putin's almost getting assassinated.

And we're like, do I want a latte? China. Brad Angelina broke up. Yeah. But it's good we're isolated geographically, too, a little bit. Australia. Mexico, Canada. Yeah, that's isolated.

Australia is the move. Yeah. Do we go there? Fit right in. You've got to learn how to talk different, though. I'm driving the other side of the road. That's really hard. Yeah, they need to fix that.

Yeah. What are you doing? In order for us to colonize? Yeah, why are you guys on that side? Do you think we'll get that? Stupid. It is counter... Is there a reason for that?

I mean, a logical reason that we don't see as Americans, like the metric system? Well, they got it from England. Right. And England had it because England is so fucking old that back in the day they used to ride horses. And when you would be, like, riding, you would want people that were opposing you on your right-hand side so you could hack at them with your sword. How the fuck did you know that? That was really impressive. It's not that impressive.

You've looked that up, though? It's like you just know that one? Yeah. Because most people were right-handed? Yeah, they're right-handed. So you'd want to be on the left-hand side so you could chop someone's fucking head off with a sword.

That's really good that you knew that. It's good. Yeah, makes sense. Makes sense. Over here, we grew up. We realized, yeah, you could just shoot someone. Yeah.

You don't have to chop away with a fucking sword, you dummy. So we're back on the right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they were like pre-arrows. They figured that out. That's pretty nuts.

They hadn't even figured out arrows yet. They just had long, sharp things. Yeah. They hadn't were like pre-arrows. They figured that out. That's pretty nuts. They haven't even figured out arrows yet. They just had long, sharp things. Yeah. They hadn't figured out that you could throw things through the air yet. That's crazy. Back in the jousting days. How about catapults? Yeah.

Oh, those are neat. Yeah. A giant rock and just pull it back and just launch it at people. Jesus. Yeah. You know, we watched some documentary on Saudi Arabia, you know, where they still crucify people. Have you seen that one on Netflix?

What's it called, James? I think it's, I don't know. I don't know. It's called Saudi Arabia. It's called Saudi Arabia. Yeah. I think it is. Yeah.

It's fucked up. Is it brutal? But they take cameras in and they show you what's up and people getting crucified. You saw it? Yeah. We watched it. They show you some stuff. But you saw the people getting crucified? Yeah. They hang them up. Yeah. You see it? Yeah, we watched it. They show you some stuff. But you saw the people getting crucified?

Yeah, they hang them up. Yeah, you see they censor stuff, but a guy is about to get decapitated and they blur. Oh, Jesus. A guy with a sword just chops his fucking head off. Isn't that... It's weird that there's certain parts of those images

we don't want people to see because we know they're too disturbing. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever see those ISIS videos that they don't catch on to see because we know they're too disturbing. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever see those ISIS videos that they don't catch on YouTube? They'll be up for like a couple days before someone catches it and they pull them down. I haven't looked in a while, man. I don't like seeing it.

I don't like seeing the real decapitations and murders. That's fucking disturbing as shit to me. Why? Yeah, I saw it. I saw it a few years ago. I didn't like it. It's so horrible. A guy did it with a small knife.

Cut this guy's head off with a small knife. I'm like, whoa. Yeah. But that stays in your head. That's why I don't like it. Yeah. You don't need to know. Well, that's why they want to do it in the first place.

Yeah. Just what a strange thing we are, people. Drawing and quartering. Did you ever hear? I mean, you know what goes into that one? That's kind of creepy, too. Describe it for the folks at home. We're so fucking mean.

It's where they tie every year arms and your legs, right? They tie them to a horse, one horse per limb. And don't they cut your intestines? They cut your stomach so your intestines are open. And then they send the horses off in all directions. There it is. And then you get ripped limb by limb. And your intestines get cut out. isn't that amazing yeah and there's a guy in the middle with a axe or a big

sword just cut you open yeah while the horses pull you holy fuck and this is how they would publicly um you know people this is a criminal so they're they're showing the masses this is going to happen to you if you steal. Yeah. Wow. There was this thing I was listening to the other day about the Inquisition. It was fascinating, man. And it was talking about how everything had gotten so crazy that they would try, through any means, they would try to elicit a confession out of you. That you had done something that was blasphemous or done something against the Lord. And they could torture you in order to do that.

They could torture you in order to get that confession out of you. And they just started torturing people. It was like everybody was guilty and they were just killing people like crazy. Jesus. And just listening to the accounts of like how it all went wrong and how they started doing this was like, wow. Like you could see. We want to think that in today's day and age that this could never happen. Like, we're past that.

You know, we have too much information. We're too evolved. Our culture and our civilizations move far too fast. But there's spots on Earth where it hasn't, like North Korea. You know? There's spots on Earth where it hasn't moved past that, like Saudi Arabia, what you're talking about. Well, we still punish people we still kill people we just do it behind closed doors in the united states we make it more dignified dignified we're still murdering yeah

and if you've robbed somebody we make you a slave right you're a slave now right it's just dignified because it's it's in a building that's clean and yeah we don't see. You don't have to see it so it doesn't exist. Right. It's still horrific though. We're savages. We like to think because we can send a video through the sky and it arrives on your phone from 50 miles away.

We like to think that we're way more advanced than we really are. Yeah. We're so close to monkeys. We're so goddamn close. Oh yeah. I know. And you know we're on the verge of death all the time i had this girl write to me she works separate like all these jobs

around the country around the world to make money like job to job and she goes i worked in um what is it yellowstone national park she goes yeah yesterday somebody fell into a geyser and just disintegrated another person just fell off a cliff. They died. Because life is so fragile. That guy got drunk, though, and went a hundred yards off the trail and slipped into one of those puddles. And they were like, dude, there ain't nothing left.

That's lava and boiling water. Think about how close that dude was to dying today, the guy with the bear. Oh, yeah. And people are like, we have to save the bears. guy with the bear. Oh, yeah. Oof. Yeah, and people are like, we have to save the bear. This is really important.

We keep him around to kill more people. Maybe he shouldn't have been around a bear and his babies. Oh, my God. Mama bear protects her babies. Is there a bear problem? Do we have a big bear problem? There's an issue with grizzly bears in the greater Yellowstone ecosystem that a lot of people think that there are too many bears and they want them declassified. The environmentalists disagree and they say that the bears were brought to the brink of extinction and only through diligent work have they been brought back to the position where they're at now where they're thriving. The problem is it's super hard to accurately estimate how many bears there are.

But you see a lot of them. And the people that are out there all the time, the hikers, the sportsmen, meaning the hunters and the fishermen, they see a lot of them. And they're seeing more of them than ever before. And they're seeing actually less black bears and more grizzly bears,

which used to be the opposite. It's a crazy animal, man. Yeah. I mean... And brown bears are like the real motherfuckers right aren't they even bigger they're super aggressive yeah they're super super super aggressive sometimes sometimes i don't give a fuck like there's this area it's a really fascinating spot where there's this um this river that runs through alaska and it's uh an incredibly common place to

see grizzly bears to the point where there's a video of it where there's like, Jamie, how many bears were in it? Like 15 bears? There's like 15 grizzly bears in this one area because there's so many salmon, so much salmon. And these people are standing around filming these grizzly bears because there's so much food for the bears,

the bears never kill people. And it's like one of the safest places to observe bears. In Alaska. Yeah, they've never had like a fatal incident there. Like bears wander up to people. There's one video of this bear. This guy's like sitting there in a lawn chair looking over at all these, yeah, that's what it is.

The guy's looking over at all these bears eating fish, and he's sitting in a lawn chair, and this fucking bear walks up to him. It is a tanker. I mean, it's gigantic, and it just wand walks up to him it is a tanker i mean it's gigantic and it just wanders up and it's so full and it's just been eating salmon that it's not a threat at all it doesn't want to hurt anything just lays down they're not like like some animals will fuck you up just for fun like some wolves will fuck up like elk and things like that just for fun they call it they call it surplus killing or thrill killing look at this video call full screen on this this guy's sitting here look at this thing this thing just

walks up to him i mean he that's his launch hair dude i mean well i'll show you how close the guy is you'll see it because the bear moves towards him then he has to start talking to it but this thing is huge yeah i mean it it's 1,000 pounds. It's enormous. The size of its fucking head. But watch when it gets close to him. That's when you realize how big it actually is. And the guy has to actually talk to this thing.

To let him know. Yeah. Watch this. Here it comes right here. And this is a river. And that river right there is just overwhelmed. At the end of the video, you get to see. What's the name of this video, Jeremy?

Bear sits next to guy But you can look up Brooks Falls and look at this It just sits down And it gets up If you go a little further on it gets up and the guy has to tell it yeah there He goes guys to tell it to fuck off because it gets too close to him yeah So it looks at him and they start look at this big mother fucker Wow He says hey hey and it wanders off but now watch when he turns towards the river now look at this look at all Look at all what you would have kept the camera on that yeah

You know look like try to pause it Positive like when it goes a little bit further boom Put the camera on that. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, look, like, try to pause it. Oh, my God. Pause it, like, when it goes a little bit further. Boom. That guy is crazy. Well, he's a photographer. You see his gear there. So this is the spot where everybody goes to take pictures of these bears because there's so much salmon, that's all they eat.

Oh, my gosh. I guess when bears get into one kind of food, like, they say the bears are also, they're safe to be around when there's a lot of berries because they just say, oh, I'm just eating berries. Right, they're not into you. Well, they're real omnivores. Like they're not necessarily carnivores. They'll just snack on yummy food.

And if you're the yummy food, then that's your ass. So they eat plants. That's omnivore. That must be a ton of plants to sustain a thousand pound body. They eat everything. Holy moly.

I mean, they're cleanup crew. They're the cleanup crew for the woods. Is that right? Yeah. If anything dies, like they'll fight off wolves. Like wolves will kill like an elk or something like that. And the bear will be like, yeah, thanks, dude. I'll just take that shit.

They just wander up to the carcass and just start eating. Yeah. Tough shit wolf. They can't do a goddamn thing. Of course not. Because it's like a 10 times the size wolf i mean that's really what a what a bear is like nothing can take down a bear right in nature no humans the king only humans i mean when humans weren't they actually think

there was a thing called the short-faced bear that dominated the bearing straight so powerfully it was so it was such a dangerous animal. They think it might have prevented people from immigrating to North America, like, by, like, thousands of years. Because this thing was so dominant that it was a huge, aggressive, grizzly bear type creature that lived during the Ice Age. And it was so dangerous that it kept people from, this is speculation, but look at the size of the goddamn thing. That's the short-faced bear. Like, even bigger than a goddamn grizzly. That's so crazy.

Yeah. That's so crazy. Like, look at that picture of that fake one right there. Like, that's what it would have looked like. Oh, my God. It's a death machine. This is a short-faced bear, Tom. This is a bear that went extinct that was way bigger than a grizzly.

I mean, it was so big. It was like the Hulk if the Hulk was a bear. So crazy, dude. Yeah. That used to be a real thing in North America. And they think, Tom, I was saying that they think that that thing, look at it, it was bigger than a buffalo. Those things would take out buffaloes. They think that they were fearsome predators

and they may have prevented people from emigrating to North America earlier. What is that thing with diason diadone diadone oh jesus christ look at that oh my god that's a real thing what the hell was that man diadon terrible hmm what are the teeth on that thing mmm good lord but it's just I mean it's kind I'm so torn on these kind of things

because I think it's cool that grizzly bears are alive yeah it's cool that you can go see them

yeah but not if you're that dude that got fucked up today short face oh my god you hunted a bear

yeah black bears black bears yeah is that like Wyoming Montana they don't really

eat brown bears. Or you can, but most people don't because they eat a lot of carcasses. So apparently they taste bad. But black bears don't. Black bears taste good. They eat more plants. They still eat carcasses. They still kill things.

They do a lot of cannibalism. That's the big issue with black bears. A lot of cannibalism. They're such big issue with black bears oh god that is such animals they are no i mean you know i don't mean that as like a corny joke but yeah it's males killing babies that's great oh boy yeah that's the big one that yeah but lions don't eat them oh they just kill them yeah they kill them to keep them from growing up and becoming the male yeah competitors but they don't think bears do that. They think bears are doing it actually because they're hungry. Oh, my gosh.

And also because they think it might be able to bring the women back into estrus. Yeah, but that's speculation. But, yeah, there's polar bears. Look at that one. Polar bears, they're 100% cannibals. Oh, my God. Especially the males. Yeah, there's, I watched them.

Well, their ecosystem is basically shrinking, right? I mean, you know. Yeah, supposedly. But you know what they say? I mean, it's hard to tell who's right because the wildlife biologists and the people who measure bear numbers versus the people who are like animal conservationists and animal rights activists, they disagree on how many polar bears there are and whether or not they're healthy populations. Because I've read that there's more polar bears today than ever.

Really? Yeah. That doesn't make sense, right? Doesn't, no. That doesn't sound right. No. See if that's true, Jamie. Poor Jamie.

This is the Jamie Google show. Yeah. Is that time right? Yeah, you guys going to get out of there? Yeah, we're going gonna lose our nanny. Oh, snap. When is it? It's 5 a.m.

We've been going on forever. Oh my gosh. That flew by. Dude. We covered a lot of shit. We jammed. We covered everything. I learned some things.

I learned about the guy who is the financial guy who doesn't give a fuck. Dan Pena. What else did we learn? We learned about our proper pronouns and how to use them. We did. We learned about that guy who has all the secrets who fucks give a fuck. Dan Pena. What else did we learn? We learned about our proper pronouns and how to use them. We did. We learned about that guy who has all the secrets, who fucks kids. Right. We did 15 months. Speaker of the house. Old Speaker Dennis

Heston. What else? We learned about bear talk. I feel like we have to have a format to this show. DJ Dadmouth. I'll be jerking off to the black guys fucking my wife. Right. That was important. That was show. DJ Dadmouth. Oh, I'll be jerking off to the Black Eyed Fuck and my wife. Right. That was important. That was important.

That was important. Where are you guys at? What's the next comedy dates you guys got going on? Tom, I know you're killing it. I know you sold out the Trocadero. Three shows in a fucking row. Yeah, we added a fourth.

In Philly? Yeah, we added a fourth. That's amazing, dude. That's amazing. That's congratulations. Thanks, man. That's amazing. That's congratulations. Thanks, man. That's so awesome. I'm excited.

I just added, I'm doing Ontario Thursday, and we sold it out, so we added another one there. Damn. And then I'm doing Cobbs coming up, and I'm doing Caroline's. Dude, you're doing so many big theaters. I start my theater tour in January, but it hasn't gone on sale yet. It's amazing, man. Really excited about it. It's so cool.

Like, when I met you, you'd only been doing comedy like a few years, right? I met you in 07, so I was five years in. Yeah. Was it 07 or was it 06? I think it was 07. I'm pretty sure. It was during the Maxim Bud Light Real Men of Comedy Tour. Yeah.

In Phoenix. Oh, my God. I remember that. We met at the Hollywood Theater. Real Men of Comedy Tour. Yeah. In Phoenix. Oh, my God. I remember that. We met at the Hollywood Theater. Celebrity Theater. Yeah. Theater in the round. Yeah.

Fuck. That was awesome. Yeah, it was. Yeah. It's just so cool now to see. You're fucking killing it, man. It's awesome. Thanks, man.

Those Netflix specials, man. Woo. Yeah. They really give you a bump. Jeez. But it's just, well, also, you're really funny. Christina, we need to get one for you. Trust me, it's in the making.

It's happening. We'll see. We'll see. She's doing the model I did basically like a year or two ago where she's going out and doing one-nighters, which I think is... Yes. So she did Helium Portland one night last week, sold out.

Yeah, and then Seattle one night. week sold out yeah and then seattle one night well your podcast is so fucking funny you guys have one of the best podcasts thank you ever thanks buddy it's so fun to do too it's so i mean i've only done it once but it was just such a giggle fest well you have to come when we have our new studio i'll be happy to and we give i get asked about a lot interviews and everything i always give credit to you because I remember you being like, why aren't you doing one? And I was like, I don't know. And then you saw her and you go, your wife is legitimately funny. Don't you think you guys could just sit there and do one?

And I'm like, I don't know. And I told her and she was like, I don't know. And then now that's all we do. It's just the two of us. You know, we play some clips. We talk about what's going on. And it's grown so much in the few, you know, we've been doing it now since the end of 2010 is when we started.

It's crazy. Wow. It's been six years, man. Like six years of that show. Yeah, I'm at almost seven. I'll be seven in December. Really? I remember.

I remember watching or reading something and I realized I did one of your first 10. Yeah. Oh, my God. And we sat on a couch. Yeah, in my office. Ari Shafir sold that couch. Really? Yeah, I gave it to Ari.

We sat on the couch. Maybe he gave it to somebody. It was like an eBay thing and donation money, maybe? Yeah, maybe. I just keep remembering you telling me to sit up on the mic, because I was sitting back. Oh, yeah. Well, there were couches in there. A mic stand sucked.

So you had to uncomfortably lean forward on a couch. Tommy, talk in the mic. Yeah. Well, I don't think we had headphones back then. No. If we did, we didn't. No. Maybe we did.

I thought you were bananas, too, doing this thing. Yeah. I remember, like, what's a podcast? What are you talking about? There you go. No headphones. There you go. Oh, look at Bunsy. headphones there you go yeah yeah you guys

i don't know what the fuck possessed me to keep doing this welcome to uh wow week 20 of the uh new stream podcast this is this is a later one yeah week 20 oh my gosh hilarious man if it weren't for you what made you I never asked you that what made like did you did you do one

or see one where you're like I gotta do that it was a bunch of shit one of them was doing the Opie and Anthony show cause the Opie and Anthony show was just like a hangout

right it wasn't like it didn't have a formula to it yeah it didn't have a format necessarily you would come in and a bunch of comics would come in

they all just start talking and it would be hilarious it would be like a bunch of comics would come in. They all just start talking. And it would be hilarious. It would be like a bunch of people that knew everybody. And we all sit around and just joke around. It was really fun. It was a fun hang. Yeah. Then Anthony Cumia started doing this thing called Live from the Compound where he put up a green screen in his basement.

And he had a whole professional desk and professional cameras. And he's just a maniac. And he would do karaoke holding a machine gun. And he would have a background. The background would be like Manhattan. He would change the background. And I was like, that would be an amazing thing to have. And so when he was doing live from the compound,

he was doing it on one of those streaming services. So then we started doing the thing, me and Red Band, on Ustream. I started one day. Well, we started doing it on, we do it in green rooms first. It was even pre-YouTube or pre-Ustream. Like we did it in Cobbs. Remember we did it in Cobbs and Joey yelled at us and told us to shut it off? Yeah.

Shut that fucking thing off. Yeah, your blackberries and your blueberries. Yeah. He didn't even have a phone back then. Yeah. Yeah, he told us to shut it off. And that's how it started. We just started doing it that way and then it was fun.

So we started doing it every week and then somewhere along the line I just realized it was this way that I could have these crazy conversations with all these interesting people I could get them once I they realized there was a certain number of people that were listening Yeah, I could get people to come in and sit down and talk to me. Do you remember or like early early first five? What kind of how many people were listening to something like your show i never looked you never looked no just put it up yeah i never paid i just you know there's like every now and then you'd look over the live thing it was like 1200 people be watching live it was a good like oh well good show yeah yeah sometimes it was only like 500 or 600

yeah but um yeah but once i had like i had like uh anthony bourdain on and you know i had a bunch of people like that i was like i can talk to some fucking cool people through this thing yeah and then it's just like man i want to know more about egypt let me get john anthony west on hey i want to know more about asteroids let me get randall carlson really become just all your interests yeah yeah and then graham hancock graham hancock was a one. That was the early days when I was doing it in my house. And he came over to my house and we talked till like fucking three o'clock in the morning. It was a long ass podcast. What's your biggest get personally for the show?

I don't know, man. It's a good question. I don't know. There's no biggest anymore. Russell Brand was pretty big. That was pretty interesting. Yeah. He's a fun guy, man. Yeah. But so is Artie Lang. Brand was pretty big. That was pretty interesting. Yeah. He's a fun guy, man.

Yeah. But so is Artie Lange. So is you. I love having you on. Yeah. It's like, now it becomes like just fun. You know, now it becomes like Joey or Bill Burr or Duncan. My stomach was cut open in front of the tenderloin.

So much blood. What? I got to make it right. It just becomes fun, right? I mean, don't you guys feel like that? Yeah. It's my favorite thing that we do. It's the best.

Do you like it more than stand-up itself? No. Excuse me. Stand-up's always number one. But the podcast, especially since we've become parents, it's the one thing that it's the old world. It's who we were before. It's still juvenile. And it's the sealed hour and a half of just nonsense and then we can

go back to being responsible adults it is that's true that's a good way of putting it because it is it's very juvenile and silly but that's why we have a good time just being silly on it you know yeah yeah that's the that's the big takeaway from your podcast is how silly it is yeah you guys just always like it's the least serious thing ever you know there are no serious conversations no i love black or tom too yeah that's a good one i need to do that again we get well the thing is about the move is that the studio is much bigger like actual space so we'll have i think some guests again because we haven't had guests in a long time now well you could also you could add a bunch of elements to it too.

Once you realize you have all this room to do stuff and you know, hmm, you have like an actual professional studio. Yeah, I know. It's exciting.

It's going to be awesome. Yeah, it's really exciting. Can't wait. Well, when you guys do it out here, I'd be happy to do it. Oh, yeah. Lots of fun. Lots of fun.

So, for now, people can see your podcast. It's your mom's house. It's on iTunes. Are you guys on Stitcher? On Stitcher. It's on Stitcher.. It's on iTunes. Are you guys on Stitcher? On Stitcher. It's on Stitcher. On YouTube.

Christina P. on Twitter. Yes. At Thousand Red. She still hasn't changed her name to Segura. A pure disrespectful act. How dare you. Hey, can I plug some dates I have? Fuck yeah.

Yeah. So tomorrow night, I'm in Dallas at Hyena's. And then October 5th, Houston at the Secret Group. Warehouse, right? Warehouse. I changed the warehouse what is that what's that that's the group the the secret group that's a group of promoters they actually have a venue i think called that in houston yeah and then but the secret group also promotes produces shows so like oh you could bring you so secret group is going to have her at warehouse live. That's the venue.

Oh, okay. So it's not like, I was wondering if it was like a, they just put on a show somewhere. It's a secret. Oh no, no,

no. It's a secret. I heard you were funny. Like someone really funny is coming to town. Well, you got to find out. Yeah. That'll be super annoying.

Yeah. Annoying. Oh my God. Okay. October 23rd Indy. And then the 24th Cincinnati tickets are Tickets are at Thousand Ranch. Thank you. And how do people find it?

What's the website? Thousandranch.com. That's your website? Oh. How the fuck is anybody going to know what that means? Tickets are at Thousand Ranch. The world. Well, it's my favorite salad dressings together.

That's why. Don't tell Joey. Don't tell Joey you like ranch. What? Ranch smells like fucking feet. It's blue cheese or go fuck your mother. feet. Blue cheese or go fuck your mother. Blue cheese with wings or go fuck your mother. Blue cheese is nasty.

Tom Segura website? TomSegura.com. Segura Tom on Instagram. Segura Tom on Instagram. But Tom Segura on Twitter, right? That's right. You gotta get Segura Tom. Look what I'm gonna put on right now for my trip tomorrow.

Tom Segura on Instagram is a British kid. Nice kid. Looks like 18. Give him the money. Loves like 18. Give him the money. Loves his girlfriend. Give him the money. Yeah. I can't wait to travel with this thing tomorrow.

Powerful. Hireprimate.com. Fanny pack. They're the best, right? I love it. Shout out to Dice Clay. It's nice. Turning them on to the Roots fanny packs.

Oh! All right, folks. Thanks. Appreciate it. Love you. See you. Bye. Thanks, Joe. next show