The Joe Rogan Experience - #856 - Tony Hinchcliffe & Young Jamie

Episode Date: October 5, 2016

Joe sits down to do a late-night podcast from a hotel room in Ohio with Tony Hinchcliffe & Young Jamie. http://podcasts.joerogan.net You can listen to Tony's podcast "Kill Tony" on Spotify under "Deathsquad."

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! 3, 2, 1, Live! Hey everybody, we're doing a podcast tomorrow from Westside Barbell with Louie Simmons So we decided to check our setup Do I have to move in?

No, just take care of it while touching the table Oh, touching the table, okay So we decided to do a practice run here. Young Tony Hinchcliffe is here. Hello, Tony. Surprise, it's me. Hello. Surprise, it's Tony.

And of course, young Jamie Vernon. Hey. And I'm old Joe Rogan. Hey, you fucks. We're here in Columbus, Ohio. Just got done having a nice meal And talked a bunch of shit And so we said, hey, we should go do a fucking podcast

So here we are And now we're silent It's all happening We talked ourselves out We were talking about this woman We didn't talk about it too much But we should This woman who was the

Woman that Hillary Clinton brought up during the Trump debate because she was saying that Donald Trump humiliated this woman because he shamed her and humiliated her because she gained weight while she was a Miss Olympia. I missed this. I was in the bathroom when you guys had this talk. She got up to 170 pounds, according to Trump. She went up from like 120 to 170, according to him. Probably not, right?

She probably gained like 30 pounds. But apparently she really did gain a fuckload of weight. And Hillary Clinton made this big deal about how awful it was that he did that to her. And then they had these commercials already planned for the next day so they launched these commercials the next day and in the commercials they show this woman she's speaking in Spanish talking about Donald Trump is terrible what he did to me he made me feel bad he made me he was scary so then after that comes out people start researching her they find out that she drove a getaway car in a murder that she threatened a judge because the judge who was going after her

boyfriend at the time that she drove away in the getaway car she threatened the judge said that she was going to kill the judge she had an ill uh illegitimate baby with a Mexican kingpin drug dealer. All of the Mexican drug cartel kingpins came to the baby's christening. Then she went on Big Brother. Okay? Big Brother. She was engaged to some baseball player. Went on Big Brother and fucked some other

guy on the show while the cameras were on her and she was yelling out in Spanish that he has a magnificent cock. Wow! The same lady that were on her and she was yelling out in Spanish that he has a magnificent cock. Wow. The same lady that Hillary used in her commercials against Trump.

She's a victim. So then they have her on CNN. Oh my God. So Anderson Cooper interviews her on CNN and Anderson Cooper says, some people are saying that you threatened a judge

and that you drove a getaway car. Like she would say, everybody have a pass. Okay? I'm not an angel. I'm not a bad person. But they're trying that you drove a getaway car. Like, everybody have a pass, okay? I'm not an angel. I'm not a bad person. But they're trying to take away from what he did.

What he did was wrong, okay? What I did was 20 years ago. What he did was 20 years ago, too. All he did was call you fat. But in his defense, she probably was. She got fat. There's pictures of her. She definitely got fat.

But, you know, ordinarily, that's a very rude thing to do. But when your job is to be a professional hot chick, it's like if you just decide, say, like, if you're a model for, like, a shaving cream. Like, if you, like, your whole thing is about your legs. And your thing is about showing your legs. Like your legs like i touched the mic sorry but your thing is about your sleek smooth legs and you're like you know what fuck it i'm letting these bitches grow and everybody's like hey um you can't your job is to have sleek smooth legs no no no you're not you're known for your nice legs yeah but she's known for being a professional, attractive woman. And he shouldn't objectify women.

That is the whole point of being Ms. Olympia. So Hillary paid her to, obviously, if she's in an anti-Trump commercial, then that means Hillary paid her, right? Might not be money. It might just be attention. Because it gave her the opportunity to get back in the limelight and apparently she's a giant attention whore. Oh, gotcha. I saw something. She read something last year or something I think. She wrote a book? I think so.

About Donald Trump calling me fat? Yeah, we were looking this up. We all have a past. We all have a past. Okay. It's really funny. You should fucking see it. One thing I noticed the other day was this commercial, the anti-Trump Hillary,

it's a pro, this message approved by Hillary Clinton commercial where it's all the compilation of all the worst things that Trump said over the past year or whatever. And it's literally his voice and the clip of him doing all these things and, you know, Mexicans are rapists and murders all the little sound bites. And the commercial goes, uh,

and there's, it goes back to little kids back and forth, like pictures of little kids. And then it goes, is this what you want your kids to see? And I was watching this commercial and it was like the middle of the day. And I'm thinking to myself, you paid to put,

you're putting that stuff out there that's your commercial yeah that all played once you just put that out there for the kids to see and over and over again right in the whole commercial it's like is this what you want your kids to see it's like you just spend 30 million bucks on that commercial right then right but in her defense you know this is what you kids just want to see as the leader, as, like, their role model. I mean, look. As the leader of the free world. Trump is biting his tongue.

We all know it. Once he drops that blowjob card, the whole world explodes. He's sitting on it like a closer, like a comedian. With the Monica Lewinsky card? Oh! Apparently, they're telling him not to do it. Apparently, they're trying to talk to him To say do not bring up the Monica Lewinsky stuff

Because he In the post press conference thing He was saying how I'm very proud of myself That I didn't bring up Bill Clinton And his dalliances I don't even think he has to mention Bill Clinton

I don't even know if he had even said those exact words I think he's just like, let's just say there's a lot of things that I'm not talking about that I could be bringing up, I could bring up that wouldn't be good for her. I don't need to say what they are. You know what they are. I have a winning temperament.

It's one thing about me. I have a winning temperament. Everyone knows this. These debates are hilarious. What's really funny is they both suck so hard that all this dirt that comes out about them, it's like no big deal. Can we do a fight companion for the next one? Yes. Let's do it.

We were talking about doing that. We were talking about doing that. If I'm in town, if I'm not working during the next one, we're going to hook something up. There's two more. Two more. Okay. We're going to need to bring someone legitimate in, too. Like Andy Stump wants to come in, my friend, former Navy SEAL.

Andy Stump, he'll probably come in, too. And maybe we bring in someone else that knows politics. I'll drop some hot puns on that one. Yes, you're good for that. Who knows politics really well? Like Fitzsimmons does. He'd probably be good at that, right? Yeah, oh yeah.

Did you see some of the, there's a conspiracy talk that was like this was going on during the debate first was like she was she had an earpiece yeah i saw that stuff what i saw last night was that uh she got caught scratching her face like this six times and there were signals to lester hole to like hit me hit it with the zinger now like she was saying something and she go oh and then next would be like something for like a predisposed talking point for her to get out and well Trump was saying that the

Lester Holt guy the narrator what was he the announcer which was a moderator that the moderator was against him he's like it was a bad deal it was a bad deal you know it was a rigged deal microphone he says Mike was fucked up. That's ridiculous. I heard him loud and clear at home.

But he caught him on some real shit, like the fact that Trump supported the Iraq War. And even if he only said it on Howard Stern, which is apparently where he said it. He only said, you know. I heard him break that down. I guess he said it in passing the kind of statement like uh yeah sure right sort of like what i was heard someone said i didn't hear myself yeah you gotta be careful about things like that because if you do one day plan on running for a president you can't just say yeah sure i support the air back war and then say i never supported that war it's an it's an

interesting thing where it almost seemed it's everything backwards helps him every time he messes up it sort of helps him i don't think this time it did he looked bad i thought he actually and i'm not picking sides here i'm just totally judging the debate i think that the fact that people are even wondering who won or who did good means that's a huge victory for Trump. I don't think people are wondering. I think the polls were pretty overwhelmingly on her side. I think it was like 70% of the people polled or 68% of the people polled thought she won. I thought she won.

But in his defense, I didn't see the beginning. Apparently, he did really well in the beginning, and she did really well at the end. You know, one of the things that she said that I thought was really crazy, like she was going on about this thing about him calling women pigs and all these different things, and that he said something about women being pregnant and working. I forget what that quote was, but one of the weird ones was he said that women should only get paid as much as men if they earn it which yeah yeah that's what i said i i had that playing we were getting ready to do kill tony in the belly room and and we josh martin had his phone plugged into the overall

speakers in the room so like the whole room with it's empty it's just me and josh just setting up and stuff and we were playing and i literally said out loud you're damn right or whatever it was i remember that part exactly well imagine if you just said the opposite yeah men should only get paid as much as women if they earn it and everybody would go yeah well that makes sense yeah but the idea that women should somehow or another get paid as much as men if they don't earn it? Maybe we should find the exact quote here. Let me find the exact quote. I think he gets taken out of context a lot.

A lot. Of course. I think he's not a good speaker, even though he speaks a lot in public. I just think he's not good at articulating the things he actually means or wants to say. And I think when the media does take him out of context and bends what he says a little bit people notice that and then when he does say some crazy stuff i think that that only helps him when that happens yeah because it's like oh here they go again bend and trump stuff he doesn't care i think he likes it right even though it's gonna happen too because he's not complaining i'm telling you if he is down in the third debate,

you know, he's giving it time now. He's playing a strategy. But if he loses the second debate and it gets down to that third debate, he's going to drop that Bill Clinton blowjob shit. Yeah, but nobody cares anymore, do they? About that stuff? You know what's interesting?

Immediately the first hits when it's with Hillary and Trump on women, salon.com right away. Here's why it's wrong. Here's when it's with Hillary and Trump on women, salon.com right away. Here's why it's wrong. Here's why it's terrible. I mean, if he just said, if Trump said the words in succession, like, the only reason you ever became Secretary of State was because your husband got a blowjob in office.

You know what I mean? Like, if he went for it, I mean... Do you think he could ever do that, though? Can you really go for it like that? Can you say that? This election's different than everything that we've ever seen before. So I think the ground rules are just getting made.

And I think he'll do anything to get the maximum amount of press out of this. Of course my computer just froze. That's what happens when you start talking shit about your computer and you say you need a new one. Fucking thing just locked right up. Look at that. But that's what happens when you talk shit about Hillary.

It's also what happens when you go to salon.com. All your emails are deleting themselves right now. You're talking about Hillary too much. Well, that was the other thing that's kind of crazy is how many emails she's deleted. And she's like, why won't you release your tax returns? Excuse me? Yeah, exactly.

Like, bitch, you deleted 33,000 fucking emails. Yeah. How about you release your goddamn emails? Not only that, how about you release the transcripts of those conversations that you got paid $250,000 an hour to speak in front of those bankers? How about you do that? Yeah. Like, what are you talking about me me me release it's very bizarre it's very bizarre that email thing's crazy she has like a hotmail account or something she's using yeah it is very strange man it's all of it's very strange you know what else is very strange, man. All of it's very strange. You know what else is very strange?

Well, there's a bunch of things that are very strange about it all. But the email stuff is like, you didn't know that you were deleting all those emails? Or you just did it? You're not allowed to do that. That's illegal. That's highly illegal. Remember when we had Mike Baker, the former CIA guy on the podcast? He's like, all I know is if i did that i would go to jail it's like i'd be in jail if i did that i don't remember who are discussing this part of it but is there any way that with the email thing

like what she's in her 70s right or close to it yeah that she's just uh not i guess confident might be the word she doesn't understand what's going on with email. Like, is there any way it was incompetence? No, she gets it. She looks at it weird, or like how old people look at their phones. Like, I don't even know how this thing works. No, this is the kind of lady that's probably had three blackberries for the last 20 years. Yeah, I mean, there's no way she didn't know but also not only that the

guy who was in charge of her email server was on reddit a couple years ago that's right yeah asking about how to get rid of stuff for yeah exactly we wanted to make everything disappear and everyone I guess could be adding that to what I was just asking is anyway she didn't even know what was going on? Or she had to if there's no way she didn't know. Is there any way someone was doing it thinking this is what would be a great move? I better just do this. Oh, I don't know.

And it might give me a good raise or it might give me a good position later on down the line. And I found out I took some initiative here. I just went ahead and deleted them all. And he becomes the new head of the NSA or some shit. Oh, man. I don't know. I'm just curious. I mean, maybe.

I mean, when a guy thinks that she's going to win and become the president and he wants the gig. I mean, that's part of what we're seeing here. It's like all these people are all connected in sort of a weird, like, sneaky fucking way where they do a bunch of sneaky shit for each other without even saying anything about it. It's like it's all, like, implied. And we've all seen House of Cards now, too. Like, after seeing that, we definitely are all like, oh, we think we get it because that seems so true. I bet that's going on. I feel like that.

Yeah. I mean, that shit's crazy. It's all real now. The House of Cards stuff's going on. I feel like that. Yeah. I mean, that shit's crazy. It's all real now. The House of Cards stuff's coming alive. I know, right? Because the storyline is crazier than anything. It's like they realized that Veep was winning Emmys every year, and House of Cards started changing the game of the Emmys,

because that was the first thing from Netflix to really start. All of a sudden, there was a new network at the Emmys because that was the first thing from Netflix to really start. All of a sudden there was a new network at the Emmys, which was like an old, I mean that's them crashing an old party. It was just NBC and CBS and ABC. Do you remember at the end of Bush's presidency that

there was TV shows made about how goofy he was as a president? Yeah, Comedy Central had, what was that called? Will Ferrell made about how goofy he was as a president. Yeah. Comedy central head. What was that? Well, Farrell made a whole, yeah, he was him for a thing.

Like how, if somebody was Obama talking about like how goofy Obama's presidency is now, would that, would that work? Or like, no, it wouldn't work. It wouldn't even be the thing.

But if a Trump presidency happened again, they could definitely make a whole new nightly. This is what Trump did today. Well, SNL, they just announced they just signed alec baldwin to be trump to be trump for the next year which is crazy for the next year they made it like a special deal that they don't normally do they're paying

him like a butt ton of money to do this Trump thing it's all very funny man it's all very funny it's just like it just proves my point that I've been talking about for a while that nobody who's smart wants that job I mean Hillary wants that job because it's like sort of the cap of this long career and sort of you know it's a historic moment if she wins. She becomes the first female president, but she's under two criminal investigations. And they're also saying that if she doesn't win, it's very possible that the FBI might indict her for a bunch of shit.

There's the Benghazi stuff. There's the email stuff. There's a lot going on here. It's just, it's so disturbing That this is the best we can do Him or her Both of them I think Trump is going to pull it out Because I think people are going to want to shake this shit up

I think that people talk a lot of smack now And they want to seem like this and that But I think once they're in the booth And it's just you And two boxes And one says Trump and the other says Clinton and you think, you know what? Let's make these next four years a little more interesting. Come on.

I think people are going to check it. That's what they did with that Brexit thing. No. I think Brexit's a totally different situation because Brexit, I have a friend, my friend Steve Hilton. Remember Steve from the podcast? Steve Hilton is a very smart guy and used to be David Cameron's right-hand man. He's pro-Brexit. He's like, it's much more complicated than people think.

He's like, this idea that anyone from any part of Europe can immigrate to the UK is disastrous. He goes, it's not racist. It's like the UK has a lot to offer. The UK has a lot to offer. And if it does, in his mind, I'm paraphrasing him, but I believe what he's saying is that if the UK does let everybody come in from all over Europe and emigrate to the UK, that what's going to happen is there's other parts of Europe that aren't doing so well. Those people are going to go to the places doing great, and it's going to fucking balance everything out eventually. But Europe is going to, or the UK rather uk rather is gonna suffer while all this is happening i don't know nearly enough to comment on it but that's a complicated issue but it's also one of those issues where like super lefties really progressive liberal people immediately

want to say racist you don't want people to immigrate to this country racist you know you don't want but that's what we're saying here you can't just immigrate here from canada man if you want to just move from canada to the united states and start working i've had a bunch of friends come over here from canada it's a long process man it's easy and that's like pretty white people from canada that look just like you you know we're not talking about like mexicans who look different we're talking about people who look like white European people have an incredibly hard time getting a green card. A lot of them marry.

My friend married some guy. She married some guy just to become a citizen. Yeah, she was Canadian. Wow. Yeah. I know another dude. Well, she was Russian. I think he fucked her.

I think he was fucking her. But he married her just so she could become a citizen. It's super common. You have to go through all these meetings and have to make sure that you really are a husband and wife. Let me see your finger. Kiss her. Let me see. Show me you mean it. Do you think if Trump won, he'd

actually build a wall? I think if Trump won, he would hire a bunch of people to do the job and he would start a new reality TV show. Like him on his underwear. His underwear on a yacht. Sunday fireside chats live from the White House. Probably something like that.

And being a host, you know, you'd make the Donald Trump channel, and whatever. He'd figure out a way to make it a law. Here's what's stunning to me is the illusion that he's some good speaker. His economy of words is terrible. He makes a point, and repeats that point and then he repeats that point again. Yes, I said that. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Like the Mexican wall thing. Like when he said that, I told him the wall just got 10 foot higher. Now, if he was a real master speaker, he would go from that right into something else he goes yes i did that's what i said like he he rambles on too much he's got too much unprepared like speeches yeah

like and that's what we saw in the debate like it's in contrast to her like she was very well prepared like she she nailed a lot of like very important points she set him up pretty good one strategy that i noticed that she applied which i think was really smart was she kept her answers extremely short extremely to the point she did not ramble at all yeah because she knew that he was going to do that and she knew that he she could get him to make himself look like a fool if she just plays it absolutely cool zero extra words because he does he overuses everything he repeats everything we're gonna i said it once i'll say it again we're gonna build a wall it's gonna be great it's gonna be a great wall it's gonna be a great big wall people love it i love

it you're gonna love it america's gonna love it it's gonna be great we're gonna make america great again one thing about me i have a winning temperament i have a winning temperament like that was so embarrassing it really was there's certain points where he throws a punch that misses so hard that you know it's like oh that's a huge dent he he did it to himself What was that one moment where he said a bunch of stupid shit and then they went to her and she went, well! And she like laughed and smiled. She handled that so smooth.

It's just so embarrassing that, first of all, why doesn't Al Gore run? I don't understand that. He almost became president. Why wouldn't he run again? If he ran, he would get the nomination. First of all, everybody fucking loves him because he's trying to save the world. He wanted to be the president at one point in time.

Maybe it's just too hard on you. Maybe it's just too exhausting. Maybe he just doesn't want it. Maybe he knows how bad the whole thing is. Maybe he knows something we don't know. He probably does. He knows how bad the whole thing is. Maybe he knows something we don't know.

He probably does. Also, he has made a fuck ton of money since he's been in the White House. Someone said that he was going to be the first, what do they call it? I forget what they call it. Green billionaire. They were talking climate change billionaire. He's going to be the first climate change advocate slash billionaire apparently he's just made a ton of money on speaking fees and all kinds of other shit and he's just doing really well telling everybody the sky's falling he's come a long way since man bear pig what's man bear pig and south park they had a couple seasons where he was chasing a man bear pig because it was like their analogy to

global warming. 2013 it says his net worth has grossed more than 200 million dollars since he lost the presidential bid in 2000 so in like 10 years or so he gained 200 million dollars for not being a president. There's so much money in being a politician. What's that thing with the whole storyline of the producers? There's so much money in making a failing product. They try to make a shitty play. What if Donald saw that? He's like, I'll just do it, Al Gore. He gets so close to winning and not win.

People have been saying that he doesn't want to win. I think that people believe that. I think they might be right. I just don't think... People have been saying that, like, he doesn't want to win, he doesn't want to... I think that people believe that. I think they might be right. I just don't think he expected to do this well. I think he expected to get to a certain point, get knocked down, and just talk shit about everybody who wins. Yeah. You know? Talk shit about Marco Rubio or Ted Cruz.

By the way, I prefer Donald Trump to Ted Cruz. Yeah. Like, that's what's really crazy. Like, Donald Trump is preferable. Ted Cruz is fucking crazy. And creepy. Oh, that's what's really crazy. Like, Donald Trump is preferable. Ted Cruz is fucking crazy. And creepy. Oh, he's a weird, religious fucking fanatic, man.

He's a nutty guy. He's got all sorts of problems with gay people. And, ooh, he's like, he's, he, he, to me, appeals to, like, the dumbest of, like, religious ideologues.

Like, the dumbest of really fucking fanues. The dumbest of really fucking fanatical religious people. You okay, Jamie? And the way he Did you see when he kissed his daughter that one time? That video was so gross where they show the outtakes. And the one where he punched and elbowed

his wife on stage right after he lost. He clipped her right in the face. Is he back to just being a congressman right now? Is that what he was? Senator, right? Senator? Senator. Yeah, yeah.

Is that what he's back to doing now? He just crept back into the life he had before? Now everybody knows all this weird shit about him? How does that work? I mean, it has happened, I guess. Oh, it definitely happens. Well, what's weird is that you could run for president and keep that job if that's the case.

How the fuck? You don't have the time to do your job, right? weird is that you could run for president and keep that job if that's the case like how the fuck you don't have the time to do your job right how can you just run for president and also hold a job in public office i remember like they were saying bernie was going back he was he was taking hits on the campaign show because he was going back for all the things he had to do in washington like he would fly back every other day or weekly if he had to to go for a vote or something instead of campaigning where Hillary would be out campaigning because she didn't have to be in those votes.

And it's like, why isn't she doing her job as Secretary of State? We're so lucky Bernie didn't. If Bernie got through all the hippies, they'd be going through the streets screaming and cheering. Well, I think it'd be more one-sided than it is. Even though Hillary supposedly beat Bernie,

I think Bernie, as weird as it is, maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like in the Battle of Styles, I think Bernie would be housing Trump right now. Oh, he would do well. I think it would be clearly like 80-20, 90-10, more in there than even this, you know, whatever it seems to be. That was one of the most disturbing things about all this stuff is the Democratic National, the DNC leaks that showed that they were conspiring against Bernie Sanders. Like, that is really bad because you're literally rigging democracy.

Like, your party is supposed to be the Democratic Party. You're supposed to try to find the best representative. What do the people want? You guys are rigging it. At the root. At the root of your existence. I don't want to defend what they did, but I think

one might say that what they did, I think, this is just a thought, they were trying to stop someone who wasn't a Democrat from just coming in and taking over their party. Because he's not a Democrat as far as I've heard. He's just an independent. Right. Which is why he can't take over now if she would have got sick.

So they were preventing some wild card like Donald Trump, I guess, some guy that just became super famous from just being like, I'm going to fucking ruin everything you guys have been playing on for the last 10 years. How does that work? Couldn't he just go back and forth from being a Democrat to an Independent? See, I thought he was a Democrat. And he was super loyal. Good luck, hot guy. There's people that actually know about

politics right now who are like, you fucking moron. You don't know anything. I think Bernie had a lot of positive qualities. Yeah. First of all, when he was in that debate with Hillary, and he was talking about, you know, why won't you release the transcripts for most speeches? And he goes, you can read my transcripts because they don't exist.

So I would not accept money from banks. It was interesting. He's just, i think he's what he's done is let people know that there's a market for that there's a market for the outsider that you know lives a frugal life and doesn't really make a ton of money but his one if anybody has ever been running for president and represents the average person and a really ethical average person. It's Bernie. But a lot of people's on the other side.

A lot of people think that this whole democratic socialist thing, it sort of supports people who don't have a good work ethic. It supports people who are lazy, supports people who want government handouts. People who are lazy. Supports people who want government handouts. And what he's trying to do with jacking up taxes and some of the crazy shit that he said is just take from the rich and give to the poor. And a big part of his platform was wealth inequality, which is a big issue with a lot of people. It's understandable. It makes sense. But I don't think anybody has solved the riddle of how to overcome wealth inequality.

Sweden seems to have a real knack for it. Free hospitals, free college. When we were there, the streets were beautiful. Everything's clean. Free public transportation. Free hospitals, free college. What was the other thing? Something else.

Well, those things are all great. Pretty much everything's free, and they pay, what was it? I think 30% or 40% tax. I don't know the exact at all numbers but they pay a very high sales tax on everything. You pay it on everything. New pair of shoes?

Fuck you, pay me. New t-shirt? Fuck you, pay me. How many people are in Sweden? It's beautiful. 2015, 10? I'm not a world superpower with an army that can take police at any time. People are in Sweden. It's beautiful. In 2015, 2010, I don't know. That's not a world superpower with an army that can take police at any time. That's a good point.

The number of people is a good point, too. When you get to 300 million people and you start talking about universal basic income, which is an interesting conversation that keeps getting brought up. That was what Eddie Wong brought up on the podcast. We started talking about it. And I thought it was crazy initially, but then I've read some of the things that some economists have said. Some people believe that if you just gave people a certain amount of money, whether it's $12,000 a year or more or whatever it is, that it would alleviate the stress of paying bills. People would have a certain amount of income, and it would be far less crime, and then the government would need to spend far less money because it would be far less issues, which

I think is fascinating. I don't know if it's right, but it's very out of the box. And when a country's as fucked up as we are, where you have these ghettos, like what Michael Wood was talking about with Baltimore, where there's just systemic racism, systemic ghettos, where they've made it so black people cannot buy houses anyplace other than these areas, and that these areas outside of that are only for white people. When you have something like that that existed until, I think you said the 1960s is when those laws were still in effect, right?

I think, I don't know, at least that, I would say. At least that. So that's my lifetime. I was born in 67, so during my lifetime, these laws were being enforced, which is just fucking crazy. When you have a system that's that nuts, you've got to have a radical plan to fix it. So there was a neighborhood outside of baltimore that was only white people you could not buy a house there if you're black we would

not sell do you have a do you have the address to this place how dare you i thought you were into fucking black girls man isn't that your new thing just kidding guys just kidding isn't that your new thing uh i think black girls do have a warmer vagina than white girls. How much warmer? I think just a few degrees warmer. Like if you took a white vagina and put it in the microwave for like five seconds. And how many black girls have you had sex with? I noticed.

There was only two. It was one summer about three years ago. But I noticed it with both of them. And it wasn't even at the same time. It was just the same summer. I was sitting for my friend in the Hollywood Hills. Maybe it just felt warmer because you were so excited to be banging a black chick that your dick was going, Woo-hoo!

It pretty much was. It was either that or they had fevers and they just told me to get it below. You're banging these girls with malaria. Were they coughing a lot? No. They were when Mike... Alright. That's so silly.

Have you ever been... Did you ever hook up with a black woman? Oh yeah. Did you ever notice anything different a black woman Oh yeah Did you ever notice Anything different They're darker than me I noticed that One time

When I lived in Boston You know It was like the winter I was really You know Pale It was like this Like cloudy

And I was pale You know I didn't have Very much time To go out in the sun. And I hooked up with this black girl. I met her in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. Wow. Which is way out in the middle of nowhere.

And she wasn't black like Beyonce black. She was black like Czech Congo black. She was dark. Whoa. Dark. And we had sex in my hotel room by the light of the television. Right? So the TV's on and I'm having sex with her. and we had sex in my hotel room by the light of the television. So the TV's on and I'm having sex with her

and she's dark like coal and I'm white like paper. And we're going at it. And I remember thinking about it because we were doing it doggy style and I remember looking down and she had an incredible body. Oh my God.

This girl to this day is like one of the best bodies I've ever seen in my life. It was like cartoonish. Her body was incredible. But I remember to this day thinking like of the best bodies I've ever seen in my life. It was cartoonish. Her body was incredible. But I remember to this day thinking, wow, this is so crazy. She's so much darker than me. I'm so white.

And I'm not even that white. I'm Italian. Mostly. But the contrast was so interesting. But the girls that I have had sex with, maybe it's a coincidence. Maybe it's not. But all the black chicks that have had sex with, maybe it's a coincidence, maybe it's not, but all the black chicks that I had sex with were fucking freaks. They were so much more enthusiastic,

so much more vocal, so much more aggressive. You know, like, give me that dick, come on baby. Whoa. Oh, give me that good dick. Like, whoa. Jesus. Plus, while it's happening, as a comic,

while stuff like that's happening, you're like, oh my god, I remember this. I wonder if there's a bit in here. Just take a note. I can never make a bit out of it, though, because it seems so racist. Just to even say how dark she was and how white I was, I was like, how do I say this without sounding... I mean, it's just

such a racially charged thing. Yeah. Like, even if you're, if it's not, the joke's not racist or the discussion of the subject is not racist,

it's so racially charged, you're better off just leaving it alone. Plus, one of the things I've noticed, um, I had a conversation with this girl

that I was dating at the time, um, and, uh, she did like, know it's one of those you ever have sex with a black guy yeah yeah maybe have you ever had sex with a black girl yeah a couple how many you know those kind of conversations but i was telling her how dark this girl was like she was getting upset it's like she was dark but i mean it's like it's like if if

i asked her you know like how black was this guy you know like if I asked her, you know, like, how black was this guy? You know, like, how black? Like, how black? You know, like, Congo black? Like, dropped out of the jungle black? Like, what are we talking here? He had the skin of a Goodyear tire. I heard drums playing.

For whatever, she got upset that I had fucked this black girl in the past it was the shade that offended her the most though ah she was racist she was from Staten Island Italian girl from Staten Island racist didn't want to know I fucked a black girl

offensive to them offensive but here's the thing here's what's fucked you know like someone said to me once one day everyone's gonna be like a mix because like right now the only reason why race existed in such specific

distinctive ways like Chinese people African people like really distinctive differences is because those people very rarely met each other. But now everybody goes everywhere. And a place like the United States, which is essentially just a melting pot of immigrants, the only people that were here originally were the indigenous people.

But even the indigenous people came over from Asia. They all came on the Bering Strait. I mean, all the people that live here that we think of as Native Americans, they've done like these DNA tests on them. They come from fucking Siberia. You know who is really funny? You know who did the DNA test to find that out? Some really rich dude who was a Mormon who wanted to prove one of joseph smith's statements was that the american indians were in fact the

lost tribe of israel and he thought that um he could prove that and prove that the the mormon doctrine that the book of mormon was correct and so he spent all this money to get the dna test done turned out they're from fucking siber. Did he try to hide it? Oops. Did he? I don't think he would think he would try to. Well, I don't think you can. I don't think scientists let you hide data. I have enough money to get it done.

I have maybe some extra money to get it out. Fucked up. A real lab that's doing those kind of DNA tests, I would imagine that would be like an important finding and they would want to release it. I would guess. Yeah, if scientists could cover up data, then we would know that mushrooms can cure chronic depression from the studies that was a Carnegie Hopkins.

Yeah. John Hopkins University. There's been a few studies now that are showing that. Yeah. Oh, no, man. It's everybody has come. What I i was gonna say is everybody's come to the united states from somewhere else right and then one day conceivably that people keep fucking that we're all going to be like one kind of thing one shade we'll all be like this sort of

tan thing but the problem with that is it's kind of cool you know when you walk down the street and you see this dude who's black like coal and he's got a little chinese girlfriend you're like oh boy i want to watch those two do it it's kind of exciting i mean it's kind of fun that people are different but we can't handle that fun some people can't handle it without being racist. And not only that, because of racists, we can't make racial jokes. You can't even talk about pretty obvious differences in the races without being labeled a racist. Things that are so obvious, unless you're making fun of white people. You can make fun of white people until the cows come home.

Nobody gives a shit. Because white people are the majority. White people are thought of as the oppressors white people own slaves you know etc etc so you can shit on white people all day long nobody ever gives you a hard time for shitting on white people yeah right yeah they're they're the it's it's and it's no fun to make fun of white people either that's you know it's just sort of like you know it's no fun to make fun of white people either. That's, you know, it's just sort of like, you know. It's always no fun to make fun of someone who, well, when someone is in charge or someone is on the, someone has power. Right. Those are the people you're supposed to fuck with because you're supposed to punch up. Right.

You should always punch up in comedy. Tony. Yeah. You should always punch up. Which is not necessarily true because sometimes the people like, my classic example of why punching up isn't always

funny is Sam Kinson's bit about starving people in Africa, one of the greatest bits of all time, and it's literally talking about starving children, it's fucking hilarious but you know, I think that when someone is in a position of power though it's open season on them as opposed to someone who comes from a marginalized group like even if

it's something funny or if something from a marginalized group and it's a really funny thing if you talk about it you can get in trouble yeah do you uh have you ever gotten in trouble for anything racial like i mean doing stand-up like did you ever cross the line or crowd work wise or anything no no i never got in trouble but i've never i've never been like a racial comic right it's not really my you know like russell like we were talking about the other day like russell peters russell's half his act is a racial comic. Right. It's not really my, you know, like Russell, like we were talking about the other day, like Russell Peters, Russell's half his act is about race,

but he can get away with it because he's Indian because he's Brown. Cause he's Indian. He's the chosen one. He's a Brown guy from Canada that lives in America. Like he's got it all. He can make fun of everything and be like, Hey, what do you want? I'm Brown. Brown from Asia. He's got the whole thing wrapped up. Yeah. He can make fun of everything and be like, what do you want? I'm brown.

Brown from Asia. He's got the whole thing wrapped up. Yeah. He's got this thing on lock. Yeah, I mean, right? India's Asia, right? Yeah. I had to ask. I was sure when I said it. And after I said it, I was like, yeah, right? Yeah, right? Yeah, right? Okay.

But so is Russia, right? That's what's weird. Russia's, right? Yeah. Right? Yeah, right? Okay. But so is Russia, right? That's what's weird. Russia's, yeah? Yeah. Wow. Russia's part of Asia. Wow. Yeah.

It's just that most people that live in Russia don't live in the Asian part. Yeah. They live in the European part. It's like Egypt. Egypt's Africa. Everybody thinks that Egypt is the Middle East. Well, it kind of is, but it's also Africa. Yeah, my mind's blown right now.

Yeah, Egypt is part of Africa. You know what's fucked up? When I went to Italy? Egypt's like right there. You can fucking swim to it. Not really, but I mean, the distance between Egypt and Italy is like, it's fucking hop, skip, and a jump. That's how the Moors

invaded Sicily. They were right there. They got a raft. They went over in a raft and just raped everybody. It's real close. Man, and that's how people started getting browner. Italians. If

every race, aren't the differences in race in some situations based off of geography? Sure. That's what I was just kind of geography. Sure. Yeah. So, that's what I was just kind of thinking.

I was thinking that thought that everyone will end up looking the same color, but that's if everyone lives in the same place, right? Sort of. People live near the equator that end up being darker

than people live further away from it. That's a good point, but how come everybody in Arizona is so fucking white and they stay inside away from the sun? People in Chicago are dark.

Wow. See what I'm saying? Snow reflection. Go to the south side of Chicago and then go to Scottsdale and you go like, what the fuck

is going on here? Yeah. I mean, the origins of those people, for sure, if you lived in a continent like Africa

where the sun's beating down on you all the time, you need more melanin to protect you from the sun. If you lived in a place that's always like, you know, Norway or something like that where there sun's beating down on you all the time. You need more melanin to protect you from the sun. If you lived in a place that's always like, you know, Norway or something like that, where it's very little sun,

Norway have very little sun. I would imagine, right? Iceland. Oh, fucking white people. Uh, we were talking,

I forget. Someone was on the podcast this week and the tower of Babel came up. Yeah. In giant's new West. Yes, it was. I wrote something down whenel came up. Yeah. By Anthony West. Yes, it was. I wrote something down when it came up because I had a thought that,

and I'm not sure, I could have looked it up, I guess, that I wrote down like internet English could be, that was my phone, could be that

that Tower of Babel singular language and I guess what I mean by internet English is that like aren't most websites coded in English? Because the internet started in, like, over here, the West, where people all speak English. So you mean, like, HTML?

Yeah, like, wouldn't a Chinese website have to be coded in HTML? And they could have some program that's translating their stuff. So that's easier for them to do it. I just was getting into my head. Like that's almost in some way in like 15 to 30 years that most of the internet, which is worldwide, we'll all be communicating in a, with a similar language.

I said that to my friend, that's kind of why I brought it up. And he asked if I ever heard of Esperanto. You ever heard of this language called Esperanto? Yeah, I have, but I don't remember. It was developed in 1887 by some guy that was literally trying to create one language.

And if you look it up now, you can find out that it's not dead. And it's one of the fastest growing languages, apparently, for people learning to speak something different. I've never fucking heard of it, though, before this week. It's one of the fastest growing languages it's like what else is out there like i know there's nothing really growing it's like english spanish chinese esperanto i've never heard it though it's right below russian it's weird i don't know when they stop and start to learn russian or uh sephardic or some weird language i just learned how to I just learned how to speak Times New Roman.

Anyway. Silence. You know what I've been into lately? Did you watch Narcos? Yes. Well, I started doing more research after that because I was like jonesing for more narcos and they're done for now no season two did you go i just watched all the seasons i'm only

four episodes in god is it good and it leaves you just wanting so much more in the end and it's great it's great in a good way it leaves you wanting more and so I started watching more and more documentaries and holy shit what goes on down there might be one of the most amazing things in all of the world which ones you watch? something tiembre

it's got a Spanish title and it's in Spanish with English subtitles and it's got all the videos and all the pictures of Pablo Escobar, all of it, like all of it, videos of him getting dragged off the roof, dead the,

the, when he's young, when he's spoiler alert, a lot of people don't know he's dead. Tony. Really? No, I'm just kidding.

Everybody. That's like Hitler. Spoiler alert hitler's dead well it's fun it's funny you mentioned that because i started a documentary yesterday about how on netflix about how hitler might still be alive and living in the andes and it was the dumbest documentary i so badly wanted it to get my attention at all and it was just it had nothing half an hour and i had to shut it off wasn't there a history channel show called finding hitler where they would go searching for hitler because they thought that maybe hitler escaped to south america wouldn't that be great yeah i'm familiar like he's in argentina or something well you know that was where a lot of nazis went yeah a lot of

nazis escaped germany and went to south america Wouldn't it be great if the people that went out looking for Hitler ended up finding Bigfoot? And the people that went out looking for Bigfoot, like in a forest, and just Hitler walks by and they're like, go about your business, sir. They found the bones with a little mustache on it. My friend Adam Greentree, who was on the other day, was telling me about Aborigines. He came over to my house last night. We had dinner and some stuff that I really wish he brought up on the podcast because it's fucking crazy. The Aborigines in Australia, not only do they not have like most of them don't have a written language, but they could live.

Someone could live here and then you could live 10 miles away and they'd be a totally different language and they would they call their tribes mobs they called it a they call them a mob that's like so you have one mob and then you have another mob that's like 15 20 kilometers away the totally I go, well, how many of them are there? Like, how many different languages? He's like, oh, fuck, thousands. I was like, thousands? And he was like, not only that,

when they die, like, nobody knows their language, nobody knows their history, it's all gone. And there was this one cave, like, literally a fucking cave where these people were living in. And they were apparently,

when, you know, they settled this area, like, the Aborigines obviously were there first, and then when the white you know they settled this area like the aborigines obviously were there first and then when the white people came and settled when they were raising cattle the aborigines were stealing the cattle to them they didn't think of it as stealing they thought it was oh hey here's some food i'm gonna eat it and so they ate the cows and the ranchers got pissed so they brought them food and poisoned them and there's this cave that he found that he took all these photographs adam did off his site you probably find it um on adam green tree's uh photography page yeah first man image yeah and it is filled with bones the bones of these 30 people that live that were part of this mob because they live in these really small tribes

and they poisoned them so they brought them food and they poisoned them he said we found like babies, little tiny ribs like little 3 inch long ribs from a baby that got poisoned and he's like the entire tribe is just dead and their bones are just there, just laying inside

this cave and he's got photographs of this cave, It's really crazy. You go inside the cave, there's all this weird artwork of all these weird animals, including some animals that don't even exist anymore. They have a brontosaurus who's depicted on the wall

with the long neck or a plesiosaurus or something like that. The idea that these people lived there for so long and had all these different dialects and like someone 20 miles away would speak way different than people here and none of it was written down no their history was written down like all of it was just like stories that they told over the campfire or whatever i thought you were going to go into the bigfoot australia thing i was gonna they have it? Do they talk about it there? I've seen it.

If you watch Finding Bigfoot, they say they have one. Okay. What did he do? Get on a ship? He grew up there. He grew up in Australia? They have their own? They have their own.

They have their portals or something. Well, there's an animal in, I think it's Vietnam, they call the Orang Pendek. I think that's from Vietnam. Somewhere around, maybe somewhere else. Indonesia? Maybe it's Vietnam, they call it the Orang Pendek. I think that's from Vietnam. Somewhere around, maybe somewhere else, Indonesia. Maybe it's Indonesia. But the Orang Pendek is like a small, hairy monkey man. But I think it's little. I think it's only like four feet tall or something like that.

And they think that that thing, at least the legend of that thing, is probably similar to that hobbit man homo flores floresis floresis i think that's what you're saying i think that's it's from the island of flores they found these uh hobbit people that legitimately were a different species of human like this really weird looking three foot tall little hobbit person. Creepy. Oh yeah. And they existed fairly recently. Like I think they found

bones that were as recent as 14,000 years ago. Jeez. Yeah. So 14,000 years ago these little hobbit people were running around. Not only that

they think that they had like real problems with people. Like they interacted with each other. They fought with each other. Maybe they preyed on each other. fought with each other maybe even preyed on each other yeah didn't people not like hobbits or they liked the hobbits

how did they treat hobbits lord of the rings they were like they're okay magical people or something kind of or no no i don't think they were respected right yeah they they they had some street cred. Yeah I mean they were cool. Yeah. Maybe they got fucked with because they were little.

Right? I was just trying to remember because I feel they didn't wear shoes did they? They were like no they had

hairy feet remember? Big hairy feet. That's a little creepy. Yeah. You know when Dominic Monaghan

was on the podcast I literally almost forgot that he was a Hobbit You know Because I thought of him as the guy from Lost Charlie from Lost He drowned Yeah He's back, he's alive

Yeah He's great So yeah, so I've been getting more into these Pablo Escobar documentaries just living that kind of lifestyle you know what I mean just living that life from smoking joints watching Pablo Escobar

smoking joints I like what he wore he wore like grandpa sweaters and shit he worked the worst clothes he had like bad running shoes I'm pretty sure the cardigan I wore in my special he's wearing at some point I was just hearing that

some people think that El Chapo might have more money and more reach than Escobar did but not more power or at least not more power within the country he's in well definitely not now he's in.

Right. Well, definitely not now. Yeah, it's definitely a different time period, too, but... He's fucked now. Didn't he... He broke his leg trying to get away? Jumped. I think the reason he got brought up is because his lawyer is currently complaining that he's being tortured in prison.

How's he being tortured? I don't know. He was in prison for a long time before, though, right? He was in prison for a long time, then he escaped. And then they got him again. They escaped again. He escaped four times, I think. Yeah, he's a freak.

He's a big-time freak. How crazy that Sean Penn went to meet him. Went to meet him and did an article for Rolling Stone, shaking his hand. I mean, it's unbelievable. What was he thinking? You're a movie star, dude. Why do you want to go meet Pablo, or not Pablo Escobar, but El Chapo?

Didn't he end up giving him their, like, didn't he have to tell someone where he met him? I don't know what he had to tell. He had some sort of journalistic freedom. I don't remember, but I do remember that there was a girl that he knew that was an actress that hooked it all up. Was she banging them? Probably. I hope so. That's the one I like about Narcos.

That reporter chick that he bangs every now and then. Yeah. It's breaking news. But that life's crazy to think about that and to look at how they ran that and just scaring people

and to be able to fight your own government and lock yourself in and escape and have the people for you but with you. It's scary. But let's look at it this way.

Is it scarier than the people that sell Oxycontin that kill thousands of people every year and nobody does a thing about it? They do it completely legally and everybody's paid off? That might be scarier. Because, yeah, they don't have to use violence and shoot people in the street and threaten people and scare people and people don't live under this

blanket of fear that they lived under during the Pablo Escobar days, but just as many people are dying and just as much money is being made. Maybe more people are dying. You are right. And I mean, about the fear thing, like granted,

it's tough to compare the two, but if you compare all the people that have been afraid of getting caught with marijuana over the past, you know, decades, because that i feel like has mostly been brought on or at least kept in place by big medicine then and all of that stuff that stemmed from marijuana and like selling marijuana and having a gun for marijuana and

this and that and all that stuff then and you put all that together it's a much bigger imprint than it seems you know it's a big imprint but here's the weirdest one now in 2016 for the first time more people are using pain pills than tobacco in the united states including cigars chew cigarettes the whole thing everything more people using fucking prescription pain pills than using tobacco, which is nuts. Because you can go down any street and see people smoking cigarettes everywhere you go. Oh, yeah. Not too long ago, I think you tried to have me look up how many prescriptions are out for Adderall in the U.S. And as I was trying to look it up, I don't think that's public info.

They wouldn't want that out there, would they? Well, sometimes that stuff gets out in some sort of a way, you know? Because I had a hard time finding it. I just had like rough guesstimations and different things they thought was happening based off of whatever. But some people were like, if it was in Florida, you could go get 10 OxyContin things like this. And you just go down to things. So like those aren't being tracked necessarily. Well, that's not the same anymore.

It used to be like that, but it's way different now. Back then when they were doing that, the Oxycontin Express days, there was more people that were getting Oxycontin prescriptions in Florida than the rest of the country combined. Damn. Florida. Florida. Florida is so crazy. It's just the strongest painkiller that just makes you basically heroin.

It's not even the strongest painkiller. The strongest painkillers, that stuff, how do you say it? Phenolatil? Phenol. Phenol. I think so. And fentanyl is spending a shitload of money to try to keep marijuana illegal in Arizona. They spent $500,000 to try to stop the legalization of recreational marijuana in Arizona.

They're just gangsters. Is that not a red flag thing? How can they do that? Isn't the recreational thing on the ballot for California? Yes. I haven't heard it being discussed very much. I feel like it should be talked about a lot. It should be talked about a lot.

It's pretty much established in most people's eyes it's just going to pass. I mean, once they see how much money Colorado's raking in. Plus, Jerry Brown's our governor. That guy's a fucking hippie and a half. Washington brought in a shitload of money too I saw an article I was going to bring up recently On a podcast Forget how much

As much as Colorado if not more Colorado's got like 66 million dollars They're going to Go towards bully advocacy Or something like that They have that much of a surplus How do you stop bullying with money? What do you do?

Programs and stuff, I think. I'll tell you what you do. You give the bullies the money. That's how you do it. You give the bullies the money. All of a sudden, guess whose lunch money they're not taking? Your dweeby little sons. How about that?

Let's solve the epidemic right where it starts. I think the real way to solve it would be to teach them how to fight. Teach them martial arts. They wouldn't be beating each other up. They'd be competing. Or they'd look like pussies. When I was in middle school, they tried this thing with my grade school because we were known as the ghetto school of the six or seven little Catholic schools in our area

because we had black kids at our school. That's why you were known as a ghetto school? to like six or seven little Catholic schools in our area because we had black kids at our school. That's why you were known as a ghetto school? I think so. I mean, we weren't in the ghetto or anything like that. It was a private Catholic school.

It's not like, it wasn't a free public school. What was ghetto about it? We had black kids at it. Did you ever bang any black girls? No, middle school, no.

No? But not anyway, no. Anyway, so at the dances, we were like, this was in the mid-90s, like 96, where rap music was still like gangster rap was getting big, so some of all black kids liked it.

When they put on our dance, we'd jump around and everyone would get, we were little kids at a party, we were 13. Either way, all the parents or the kids at those schools didn't like it, so we got complained to or against and for the next two years we had what they called conflict resolution as an actual class instead of like art for some for like a year where we had to like do workshops and worksheets about how to be acting with other kids and situations like it was no one took it seriously at all but like they told us that's what it was for is because we weren't acting like we got banned from the

dances at those schools that we couldn't go there we had to have our own did you feel like a rebel no it was dumb we didn't understand why it was done why did it happen we were being picked on what'd you guys literally it came from i remember an incident where there was like a song came on and a bunch of kids from my school specifically got in a circle and were, like, jumping around, like, with their hands up. Like, I don't remember the song. It might have been Slam by Onyx. And it was like, slam.

Da-da-da. Yeah. It's so, like, all the white guys were, this is what I think happened, and I'm pretty sure it did. Like, all the white kids were, like, freaking out. Like, what the fuck's going on? It might have been the teachers that were watching over everyone. Like, what are all these kids doing from that school the that school right ghetto school over there on the east

side we can't be having that with all our kids fuck that and i think they complained and so they got out yeah like two years later once all those troubled kids were up in high school there's some new kids in that aren't acting up we'll try out a dance and see how it goes and then it finally went away hey i got a dumb question. That earpiece that you're wearing has a microphone on it? That microphone's not picking up, right? I'm just saying that ear thing. Man, so they segregated the dances. Who wants to go to the all-white people

dance, you know what I mean? White people who don't want to be around black people? Well, I mean, black people have the best dances. I'll tell you that right now. What if you're into line dancing though? What if you're like super into like White dance I was in a

I was in a country restaurant bar once And uh They all started line dancing to some fucking song They knew the song And they all started doing this like dance thing together And we were looking at each other like What in the fuck is going on like they they all knew the song and they were all dancing together they like doing the dance like the electric slide but not the electric right but

like a like a fucking country dance yeah it's like wow you ever seen a big group of black people do like uh one of those dance flash mob things yes and it was awesome wasn't it it's better i saw i saw it once three three or four summers ago in san diego i remember it's when um kanye and jay-z got together and they made an album and they made a song called n words in paris and it stole the summer and it was just one of those songs where you were hearing it all summer and it had a big beat and everything. We were in an outdoor bar in San Diego and all of a sudden it came on and it was like a hot Saturday night, middle of the summer. And all of a sudden it came, they came around the corner, like doing like, it was almost like you were in

the music video thriller and, and I'm looking looking at them and then i take a moment because i'm sort of like creepily aware you know what i mean to look around and see what the white people are doing at this like outdoor bar and everybody was just mesmerized it was like i don't know like cirque du soleil except it was just a bunch of cool black people dancing walking down the street at the same time in synchronization with each other. Yeah, somebody videotaped some flash mob in the middle of New York City the other day. Like, yeah, they had some thing

where everybody agreed to meet at a certain place at a certain time, and then when the clock strikes midnight, everybody just fucking jumps in and gets crazy and dances around. I love shit like that. Yeah. Because that's not organized by a company that's not like some

marketing campaign from some cell phone yeah provider that's an organic thing that people just decided to get crazy yeah when the intentions are just to be silly yeah just to have fun that's what makes it worth it yeah that kind of happened when we were in san francisco this year the next i walked to the top of fremont street that's what the this year. I walked to the top of Fremont Street. That's the winding one. And the meeting of the naked bike ride was up there. And it was all guys. Lombard Street.

Lombard Street, not Fremont Street. Yeah, Lombard Street. The naked bike riders met up. All guys. All over 40. All out of shape. But they were all butt naked. On a bike

puffy on their huffy it was not the right flash mob to be walking into worst flash mob ever bunch of naked dudes on bicycles flashing flash mobs isn't that interesting man that clothes are mandatory

if you take your clothes off they'll throw you in jail there was I think cops there that weren't doing anything. Well, San Francisco. Yeah. I was thinking about that the other day, because I was driving back from Sacramento, middle of the day on Sunday, and I literally, I went to the drive-thru,

they gave me a burger, they didn't put napkins in the bag, and I'm like, I'm eating on the road, I want to make it back to LA. Blah, blah, blah. An hour later, I'm finishing my coffee. Just ate that burger. No napkins in the car finished my, uh, or no, I didn't. And anyway, and I start to have to shit. And I mean like badly. And I mean like it's an immediate emergency and I'm looking and it's one of those stretches in Northern California where it's like, next rest area, 43 miles. And I'm looking as I'm driving down the freeway.

I'm looking to see, like, what kind of bushes there are and stuff. And there's, like, nothing. And I mean nothing. It's just fucking cow pastures forever. And I'm like, can't shit behind that. Can't shit behind that. You know, you're just driving down looking. And you're squeezing. And I'm like can't shit behind that can't shut behind that you know you're just driving down looking you're squeezing and I'm squeezing I'm squeezing so hard that for the first time in my life I was like standing up while driving like I was up I was I was up on my left foot because it

felt like my butt cheeks could get tighter if I like was in a standing position rather than sitting and I mean I'm doing everything i'm literally praying to god for the first time in like five or six years i mean like i'm literally like whatever if anything is controlling any of the universe i need you right now i can't shit my pants because by the way they were also i was wearing these like gray shorts that i have. They're like cloth shorts. I mean, it would have been so terrible. So terrible.

And, uh, what the fuck were we just talking about? No shirt. Oh, about not having clothes on. I realized right then, like,

I'm like, I'm, I'm going to have to pull over on the side of the street and without a bush, I'm going to have to shit. Poop's going to come out of my butt no matter what happens and people are gonna drive by and i'm thinking to myself how illegal that is because i think like you can't even pull your pants down and get away with it what happens and i'm thinking that's crazy being naked's crazy but you we all poop and pee all of us yeah 100 of all people but you have to find a

public bathroom like you can't just knock on someone's door middle of the freeway public it is i'm kind of yes it is but yeah but you're not allowed to shit outside like if you pee outside here's what gets really interesting yeah if you pee outside you get caught you can be arrested as a sex offender it's happened to people before especially if you were in view of a school you could go from a brown alert to an amber alert real quick okie dokie so how did you resolve it well what ended up happening was my prayers to the universe ended up working because like you know how every once in a while I mean I don't know how close you've been to shitting

your pants lately but like I shit my pants it bubbles up and you're like fuck fuck fuck you know what I mean and then sometimes it'll just be like alright let him you know let him go for a little bit and it'll just be everything will be okay for like two minutes you're like oh my god did it pass it's like a hurricane it's like when you hear people describing hurricanes you're like i thought the eye of the

storm already passed and then two minutes later it was and uh i ended up making it and what's crazy that i do remember about this i made it to the first gas station that was 41 miles i mean i was just sweating dude i don't know how to describe it'm like 40 miles by quenching emergency shit lifting your butt off the chair the whole time my left leg was sore my whole alignment was off i mean my alignment was off i gotta get adjusted i gotta go to a reiki master and what's crazy is that because like there's actually another piece to this amazing puzzle, is that after you've been holding it for 41 miles or whatever, and you've been doing all this shit,

and once you make it to the closest restroom, that first gas station off that first exit, and you go to the men's room, and there's only one stall there, that is the stall of demolition, my friend. I mean, once I was in it, I mean, you just notice there's just graffiti everywhere, there's toilet paper, everything you've ever seen is everywhere,

because that is the stall of anybody who's almost shit their pants. Every man coming southbound from northern california that had to shit in this 40 mile span blast through that door and then blast through that stall door and just i mean it is the stall so that's what's crazy is that like yeah there was a few other gas stations on that exit but i'm like i remember literally literally being like, come on! In that final red light, because once you see, it's a weird thing your body does, too, right? Is once you see the gas station, you see the restroom, that's when it's like,

you know, it's like really like, You should have pictured that face. It's when your butt just like can't take it anymore. It's like, there it is! It is really fucking bizarre that you're not allowed to be naked. Yeah. Like, that your body comes like, there it is. It is really fucking bizarre that you're not allowed to be naked. Yeah.

Like, your body comes, like, out of the box with no clothes. We require you to purchase clothes or make them. I mean, if you, I guess you could have a bunch of leaves glued together and no one could stop you. As long as no one can see your genitals. And then even then, we have, like, have like rules for that like a girl can wear a thong so literally she can have a string that goes over her asshole and then just a little dorito that covers her clit and we're like we're good we're good oh do you have uh some band-aids for your nipples because i don't want to see your dirty fucking stinky brown skin.

Right. That brown nipple skin, you dirty bitch. I can see all the voluptuousness of the outside. It's very weird. We're real weird with clothes. It is. Like, you could have, like, beaches where people get nude, but you have to have an agreement. Like, this is the beach where everybody's allowed to not wear clothes.

But for the most part, you have to wear clothes that's i'm almost got arrested here for we were mooning a camera taking a picture like eight guys were moving a camera we're canoeing down the thing like stopped and everyone's like drinking a beer and everything like everyone take a picture i was like let's get the fuck out of here i'm like no let's take a picture and i was like all right i take a fucking picture so everyone's like I'm moving the camera so we did and literally like two minutes later out of the woods in the middle of nowhere a sheriff comes walking down

like hey guys hey we're all like what what what what's going on he's like hey why don't you come over here and we're all like oh fuck what did we do and also half of us are underage like 20, 21, 20 21 21 21 22 like two underage people i think and you're not supposed to be drinking while you're canoeing too so we knew we were kind of fucked uh but he makes us all walk over to him and he's like hey just so

you guys know what you just did is absolutely illegal and we're thinking about he's like we he's like we're thinking about uh taking you all in right now for indecent exposure and we're all immediately like what the fuck are you talking about he's like who's we first place like oh we're all we've been up there watching you there's about five of us we all got binoculars we've been here watched your class 25 minutes it's like guys we should have definitely left we should have still left and he like pulls the two underage people up next to him my girlfriend at the time and this other kid he makes us dump out all of our liquor like one girl that kept like hit a bottle of jack daniels and then he finally was like all right you know what we're gonna we're gonna let you guys go but get the fuck like get

the fuck out of here and we nothing ended up happening but the thing he also meant he said there like it's okay for all you girls to take pictures with your tops off but no asses that's illegal we were like huh and like i guess i from then i've always like thought or that's i think when i learned that like girls are allowed to walk around with their tops off in some states yeah i think in some states they were in ohio now yeah and new york you can do it right that was like a thing they fought for because men can walk around with no shirts on in New York. But you know, up until the beginning of the turn of the 20th century,

it was illegal for men to walk around bare shirt. It was a big movement where, I think, the early 1900s, the teens, they duked it out. They fought to have... Decency thing, too? like they you know they they fought to have decency thing too

well i mean men fought to to have the right to walk around shirtless because it's fucking hot out sometimes but women couldn't for like a long time i want to say until fairly recently and obviously like look i understand that a woman's breast is more titillating yeah no pun intended but you you can't say like men can walk around with their dicks hanging out but women can't show their vaginas that's just crazy it is bizarre that our their nipples have to be covered and our nipples are just like who gives a fuck mine are useless slam my nipple in a bank vault I wouldn't feel it They're numb They literally don't feel like anything

They don't do anything I had a girl suck on them once I was like you can just stop Why don't you just suck on my elbow It's the same thing My elbow might be more sensitive It's so true it's weird because women's nipples get erect they get excited yeah they perk up milk milk shoots out sometimes

you get all excited whoa yeah they really they really like it i think that for a long time i always thought that uh boobs for girls were the same like for guys and time I always thought that boobs for girls were the same like for guys and it was like not that much feeling so I sort of like always ignored them quite a bit I'm like this vagina thing is the most important and then I learned a little bit

later on that like girls like that their boobs are different than our boobs I learned that like last week a couple weeks ago yeah it's interesting it's interesting the difference is what we're allowed to get away with and what we're not allowed to get away with

you know like imagine if men wore skirts to meetings if men can have like little skirts or a kilt but that's like that's a dress that thing goes down to your knees yeah and it's got like a big belt buckle uh, kill. Yeah. I kind of do, but that's like, that's, that's, that's a dress.

I think it goes down to your knees. Yeah. And it's got like a big belt buckle and stuff to make it cool. I think you're thinking of pilgrims. Sometimes they have that little satchel thing. It's like a fanny pack. I mean, like, I'm sorry,

but it had, I pooped off that side of that road and just been like poop coming out of my butt. And like a police officer comes and arrests me for that I would make no pun intended but I would make a really big stink about that because I mean it's like

you're supposed to shit your pants in your car and just deal with it that's the question right what do you do and by the way it was a rental car I knew there was one more thing I was forgetting a rental car with a gray interior. Gray cloth interior. You don't like that.

You pay for the insurance? Or how's that work? Well, you should take that cup from the coffee and just shit right in that coffee. The thing was is that it was a Fenty. And it was tall. And like, I'm already... You shit in it and then you squeeze shut and you toss it out the window and you put it right back in there. And you keep filling it up.

Ah! Have you ever taken a shit where it comes out like a volcano above the water and you're like, oh my God, this is an above ground shit.

Oh yeah. Like, it literally, there's so much shit that it's rising above the water of the toilet. My toilet, my current toilet's a little too small for me.

Oh, you're shitting a lot? You're shitting hardcore? I smell a lot of water in there. You could eat a lot of meat? Does it ever climb all the way up? You just get that extra smell. You're like... Yeah.

We're still shitting. When the smell becomes 3D. That's what it's like. It's literally going above the water and it's out in the air it's free so the water blocks it that much then right

though quite a bit it's kind of strange well not I mean not entirely but obviously you walk

in a bathroom after so much shit there's gas whoa there's still gas but I mean it traps a lot in there

yeah what's with the matches is that like burning the gas in there is that what that's supposed to be all about

I would just say that a lot I think there? Is that what that's supposed to be all about? I would just set it out loud. I think the fire sucks oxygen, so it must have to be sucking some other gas and fucking with it. But that's a pro sign. I think it's just the sulfur of the thing, sort of. But then you just know that someone's shitting there. It's still better than smelling shit. I guess. You know it's getting on your tongue. Because it knows that you're tasting it. Right. Not just smelling shit. I guess. You know it's getting on your tongue.

Because it knows you're tasting it. Right. Not just smelling it. Shit molecules. Yeah, if you could smell it in the air, it's everywhere. The gas molecules. What a weird design that every animal has. You eat things and your body's like,

we'll take all this useful stuff. We've got a lot of garbage. Let's just get rid of that stuff. It comes out. There's no way you can eat just the right amount of food where you don't ever shit. Where you don't ever piss. It just goes through your system.

I've heard a recent story again. I don't remember why. It just came up. It was about a rectal implant. What's that called the feed fecal implant fecal implant right some guy was sick and he had to have his friend's shit put in him or something like that and it made him better that's disgusting and really weird how that works it does work somebody else's shit put into something wrong and so he got somebody else's shit put in him and it fixes his stomach something yeah, gut flora is one of the most important aspects of health

that is only really being understood over the last few decades. People really didn't know that the bacteria inside your gut has, not only does it just affect your stomach, but it affects your personality. There's neurons in there. Yeah, it affects your mood. Well, not that. It's just that there's some sort of a symbiotic relationship that we have with our gut flora. And when your flora is bad, it has all sorts of negative consequences on your immune system.

I'm big in probiotics. Over the last few years, I've been eating a lot of kimchi. I drink, what is that stuff called? Kefir. Is it kefir or kefir i think kefir i never really say it i read it um kombucha a lot of different probiotics i take those on it total gut health packets i got a stack with me i travel on the road with it i don't go anywhere without it but acidophilus like all that kind of stuff, having healthy gut flora, man, it makes a giant difference on

whether you get sick, how long your sickness lasts. Can you take too much of that where your body just gets rid of it if it doesn't want it? That's a good question. I would imagine, well, it's healthy. I don't know if it's... I don't think it's like certain vitamins

are fat-soluble, and if you take too many of them, it can fuck with you and you really want to make sure you get the right amount. I don't think that's the same with healthy bacteria. It's really, it's like almost like troops, like you're bringing in healthy troops to fight off bad bacteria. Like for people who do jujitsu, anybody who's listening to this that does jujitsu, super important that you take probiotics.

It's very, very important. And never wash yourself with antibiotic soap ever. Because when you wash yourself with antibiotic soap, you strip your body of all skin flora, of the good stuff too. What you want to do is use something like defense soap that has healthy oils that only promotes healthy flora and but it doesn't kill the uh the good stuff it promotes healthy flora and just protects you from the bad shit from getting like ringworms yeah but it's not an anti-bacteria so like anti-bacteria so i had a friend of mine who was a jiu-jitsu guy who had a ringworm started

washing himself with anti-bacterial soap and he got fucking ringworm everywhere because his body couldn't fight it off it's like illegal now

or something or it's anti-bacterial soap is there something or a certain kind there's a certain chemical in most of them when we don't have Jamie

to check facts Jamie starts throwing around all the fucking questions I start thinking about things I remember and I would have googled it already yeah you would When we don't have Jamie to check facts, Jamie starts throwing around all the fucking questions himself. I start thinking about things I remember and I would have Googled it already. Yeah, if we were doing the regular podcast at the studio, Jamie would have the answers up on the screen.

But now Jamie's like throwing the questions out. Yeah, FDA issues final rule, safety is an effectiveness of antibacterial soaps, bans triclosan and 18 other chemicals from soaps. So triclosan is something that was found in lots of things, like from toothpaste to antibacterial soap, and I guess it's no bueno. What's the deal with fluoride? Like, what's the real deal with fluoride? Because fluoride's fucking poison.

because fluoride is fucking poison but I've heard people say that fluoride is good for healthy teeth and to prevent tooth decay but then I've heard that's total bullshit and the only thing that's helping your tooth decay is that you're cleaning your teeth

and that's what's healthy but it's not the fluoride they put it in the water supply and people thought that's poisoning people yeah that's what people think that it's designed the fluoride they put it in the water supply and people thought that's poisoning people that's what people think that it's designed to make you stupid this is a shitty research yeah this is a terrible

fucking research podcast this one if you're upset at this you should be you're very right these fucking guys all they have is questions no answers we're gonna have a companion podcast to this where we actually check everything go over we were wrong about everything as usual it's kind of funny though that we do have this

whole ecosystem thing going on in our body that it's not just your body you have to protect your body from invading bacteria no your body's filled with bacteria it's like the whole thing's bacteria right it's like you're like a little planet yeah it's weird i mean we were like we made we were made from like cum being in like a hot vagina even Even crazier than that, we're made from stars exploding first. A star had to explode in order to create the very building blocks for life. What in the fuck?

I did mushrooms last week in the desert. And a lot of stars out there. Joshua? Yeah. Yeah. Really felt like nothing. Did you love it? It was amazing.

Yeah. It was so great. I need to get out to Joshua Tree. It's so beautiful out there. When does Ari do that Shroom Fest? Is it July? I think it was September this year. Yeah, it rotates.

It's either in July, August, or September. It all depends on the supermoon. Oh, he only does it during the supermoon? Yeah, the weekend. It's either in July, August, or September. It all depends on the supermoon. Oh, he only does it during the supermoon? Yeah, the weekend of the supermoon, or the week of. So you could go outside? Yeah. Bright moon. But it was interesting.

This one was a different one because this wasn't officially Shroomfest. We just went because we all missed, well, I missed Shroomfest, which was a couple months ago or whatever but uh and this one didn't have the moon out right away so it was actually my first time in four or five years without the moon crazy as that is but it was there in a few hours but it wasn't there the first few hours and the stars out there I mean there's just no way to describe it they're just fucking everywhere you can't look at a specific place and not see a huge clump of them

and you can't look at the sky for 30 seconds to 2 minutes in a row without seeing another shooting star it's impossible if you're not seeing one then you're looking down isn't that crazy that those are rocks from space? They probably came from millions of miles.

When I was out there, I was thinking about how that was the natural, how that had to be like the first form of entertainment. What else would you watch? There was no falling asleep to Netflix. It was I saw the stars last

night and that was it. And you hear twigs snap behind you. It was, I saw the stars last night and that was it. And you hear twigs snap behind you. That was entertaining. When you're out there wandering around on mushrooms, you worry about spiders or anything like that?

Yeah. Yeah. I was afraid of a little, we had a little mouse that kept running around our campsite that at one point I was like way too afraid of a little We had a little mouse that kept running around our campsite That at one point I was like way too afraid of Was it a mouse or a rat? It was the tiniest little mouse

Little cutie mouse It was freaking you out? Yeah it was freaking me out I was getting too close It seemed like it was on mushrooms with us And I'm like get out of here dude Maybe it knew you guys were vulnerable It felt like

it did close in on you yeah animals definitely know the difference between dark and day like they get really bold at night as opposed to during the day like during the day they keep the fuck away from you but like deer at night they're not nearly as worried about people it's like almost like they know oh these fuckheads they can't see that good. Like with bears, it's really disturbing. Like bears at nighttime, they're very confident. They're not nervous about people at all. If you're ever around bears at night,

as it starts getting dark, they start closing in on you and looking at you differently. Do bears have good nighttime visions? Oh, yeah. A lot of them are very nocturnal. All animals are. I mean, almost all animals can see way better than that. And we have nothing. We suck.

We have no evolution there. But we have night vision goggles and guns. That's evolution. And cars. Yeah. It's not like biological evolution, but we still got it. It's better. We still got it there.

We could have a machine gun sitting out the sunroof. We played Panama from Led Zeppelin or from Van Halen rather as we blow them away Panama gun them down fuck your evolution how about that

how about fuck your night vision we can see you bitch stop trying to eat me yeah bugs, snakes all those things out in joshua tree are fucking creepy coyotes i haven't seen any of those things we've heard coyotes out there and that's creepy when that happens yeah but you know they're like in the distance you just just hear, oh, oh, oh. That's cool, though, right? Yeah, super cool. It adds a real, like, you're almost like, was that a human being fucking with us?

Do you know coyotes are wolves? I don't know. They're wolves. They're a small wolf. They're all in the same family. That's how they make those coy wolves. They interbreed with each other back and forth. They make viable offspring, too.

Some animals make a hybrid, and the hybrid can't give birth or can't get pregnant or can't make another animal pregnant. Not coyotes. Coyotes can fuck dogs, too. Wow. So can wolves. Wolves can fuck dogs. It's really interesting. dogs it's really interesting but what a coyote is is like when they first when they first uh discovered coyotes in uh the when you know the settlers arrived they called them prairie wolves

that was the first name for them before they called them coyotes prairie wolves yeah it's a lot cuter than coyote it's a lot more adorable but then the Aztecs called them coyote and then the Spanish called them coyote and then there was a Spanish pronunciation the Aztec name for coyote prairie dog and gopher same thing?

no what's a prairie dog? a prairie dog is different than a gopher a gopher is different a prairie dog is different than a gopher. A gopher is different. A prairie dog is a groundhog. Yeah, that's what it is, I guess. What is so stupid?

Gophers are small. Again, just questions. Gophers are smaller, probably, right? They usually fuck up gardens. We have gophers. I have gophers near my house. Groundhogs are a little bit bigger. I'll find these little mounds of dirt with little fuckers that have poked out through my lawn.

It's weird. It's like somebody just left a pile of dirt, but it's really just a gopher pop through. Those prairie dogs, though, man, they shoot the shit out of those things. It's really kind of crazy because they're a real nuisance on cattle ranches because they dig these holes, and then cows step in them, and they they snap their legs and it becomes a real problem so they shoot them like crazy and so people will set up on these fields with these high-powered rifles with scopes and just wait for these little fuckers to poke their head up and boom that sounds like fun there's video of brock lesnar shooting a prairie dog with like some

ungodly gun like a 50 caliber gun and they just explode see that that's the kind of hunting i could get into i could go out and be like the prairie dog guy that's your your new thing yeah prairie dog guy i'm the prairie dog prairie dog the bounty hunter i could see you going out hunting with like a bandana on like who's that guy the lead singer of poison brett michaels yeah i can see you with like hunting with, like, a bandana on. Like, who's that guy, the lead singer of Poison? Bret Michaels. Bret Michaels. Yeah.

I could see you with, like, a prairie dog bandana. Yep. With, like, fake hair. Mm-hmm. Like, you put on, like, a wig. Fake longer hair. Yeah. Yeah, wait.

Is there a prairie dog out there that I smell? And then just get a go out. Yeah. You're supposed to meet people out there. They get out there a little early, and you don't expect them. You're out there fucking a dead prairie dog. Hey, hey, hey.

Why don't you let me know you're there, man? Every rose has a stone. Every prairie dog. Yeah, you can you can shoot nuisance animals isn't that interesting like those prairie dogs

you know what's interesting is I was in prairie dogging it I was trying to figure out how to work prairie dogging it and then you take somebody out and try to find somewhere for them to shit out in public

that'd be your show yeah prairie dogging it with Tony that's what I call prairie dogging it there's a there's an animal called the ground squirrel. It's very different than a tree squirrel. And ground squirrels, you can't eat them.

Tree squirrels, apparently, are very good. They taste good. I've actually eaten them. I shouldn't say apparently. I've actually eaten them. They taste good. It's a weird little animal. But ground squirrels are so common in some places.

Like, Tohono Ranch is 270 000 acres it's huge ranch in california it has cows it has bears mountain lion deer elk uh turkey there is more biomass in prairie dogs than all those other animals there's so many not prairie dogs ground squirrels there's more so many fucking ground squirrels so like when the guy was telling me that i was like what are you serious he goes if you weighed all of the ground squirrels on this property it would weigh as much as everything else combined i'm like how is that possible? So then we're driving down the road. He's like, just pay attention. Watch them all. And so as we're driving down the road,

you see them. Like, as they hear the car coming, they jump out of their holes and scatter and run to another hole, jump out of the hole and scatter. And you're seeing them all over the place. Like 20, 30, 40 in your immediate vision. Just popping out of holes and running.

They just dig little holes in the ground, dive into them. Creepy. Yeah, so they go out there and try to kill them. But you only see them for like a half a second. Like, you barely can get a shot off. On a good day, you kill like two or three of them, but there's fucking thousands of them just running around, digging little holes.

It's not even doing anything. They're just hanging out underground. Well, they spread diseases. According to this guy. Like certain mites. Mites become a real issue. Apparently mites are real. I found out about mites when I was in Nevada. They were telling me you can't handle a jackrabbit.

Like if you shoot a jackrabbit and handle it, and if you don't have gloves on, you can get these mites on you, and they can give you a serious bacterial infection that you're going to need antibiotics for. Like, it's seriously dangerous. And people have died from it.

People have gotten that bacterial infection, not got it treated, and fucking died from mites on a rabbit. That's crazy. Yeah. Man.

More useless facts about... I looked at that end of the trick and I was just in Australia. that's crazy yeah man more useless facts about I looked up that end of the trick and I was just in Australia that was crazy no diseases on any animals

yeah isn't that nuts yeah no salmonella or most animals at least that's why what's his face Johnny Depp got in trouble

for bringing his dog over there hey fuckhead where that makes sense Australia oh yeah Johnny Depp's trying to ruin the party over there goddamn piece of shit that's a funny show did you watch that on netflix at all australian border

security yeah great show so check this out rtsa is boring as fuck and we don't film stuff like for some reason our government doesn't care to make money like that you know what i mean like make a production out of it right but australia is like fuck it and pretty much they just get all these people coming in from america china canada your plane lands you're going through tsa they just start fucking like check out this guy right here he's acting a little suspicious right and then they come through and they're like why are you suspicious and it's like nothing suspicious what's going on and like it's just like you know then they end up finding that you know they show you the suitcase x-ray and they're like this seems to be a little something here and then maybe you want to tell us what's in your suitcase is there

anything else and they're always like no and then you know they find cocaine or something like that and it's like they're smuggling it in from wherever and they're just busted and they show you right at the end like he got sentenced to 20 years in australian prison like he just landed there and then it's boom goodbye hello welcome and goodbye done when you go to a place like that do you give up your rights to be filmed like How does that work? I really don't think... I mean, you're in their country. It's not like...

You're not American. They have different rules. I really don't think they give a fuck. I think they wrote their rules around like, Hey, if you don't want to get caught bringing drugs in, then follow the rules. Well, they're really rough on immigrants. If you come there illegally, you don't get a chance to settle down and make your case. They put you on a fucking boat and they send you to an island.

Remember Josh Zeps was talking about it? He's like, it's really kind of fucked up what they do, but they have a very strict anti-immigration policy. Illegal immigrants do not get treated with any respect. What Trump is talking about pales in comparison to what they do on a daily basis in Australia. In Australia, which seems to be, like, a place that's really killing it right now and doing really good. They're doing really well. Their economy is super strong. There's only 20 million of them in a country the size of the United States.

How many do we have here? We have 30 million in California. Oh. We have 330 million in the country. So we have 310 million more people than they have in the same size country. Half as many people in Australia, just in Ohio. But then to put it in perspective,

I think we need to nuke ourselves. No, we put it in perspective. India. I think India is a third the size of the United States. It's got like... A billion people. 1.1.

Whoa. Yeah. Is that how small it is? It's hard to tell when you look at a map. They make a lot of kids, but it's... I just saw another thing on that too, sorry. More goddamn questions for us. Brazil is gauged wrong.

The size of Brazil is wrong on the map. Oh, yeah? It's way bigger than wrong on the map. Oh, yeah? It's way bigger than perceived. Like, Africa. Oh, yeah, Africa is way bigger than perceived. Brazil itself is also way bigger than it looks like on a map. How big is India in comparison? What do you guess?

I'm guessing a third. I'd say slight. No, bigger than, like, Texas plus a couple surrounding states. So, that's close to a third. Really? I think it's like half as big. I don't think it is. Let's see.

How big is India in comparison? Why don't you guys talk a lot? You know, Indians have a lot of kids, but I never see Indian porn. Oh, you gotta look for it. I mean, I've seen it a couple times. Indian porn stars? Yeah, Mia Khalifa. Oh, I know Mia Khalifa.

She's Arab, right? Mm-hmm. She does, like, ISIS porn. Mm-hmm. She puts on, like, the hijab. Something like that. And gets down. like ISIS porn. She puts on like the... What do you say? Hijab. Hijab? Something like that. And gets down.

Yeah. She does. Slightly more than one third of the US. Mm. Yeah. Nailed it. How'd you find that so quick? I don't know.

I just typed in India compared to the US. Oh, yeah. Something's come up right there. Oh, I just got it. Yeah. That's pretty crazy. Amazing.

And a billion people. So, australia you know i mean think of that australia is three times larger than india and india has a fucking billion people in it oh those are see that's what's crazy is in India, I'm pretty sure you can go anywhere and pull it on your pants and take an emergency shit anywhere. You can. People do it. Yeah. Well, Ari said he saw people do it in China. Wow.

Saw people just pull over and start shitting. I think that's the size of Brazil compared to the U.S., and it's almost the same size. Wow. Yeah, it's real close. Whoa. I think that's what I'm saying. Even though it's just India on the top, I'm pretty sure it's Brazil. Wow, that's crazy. Well, Africa's the nuttiest one

when you see Africa in comparison to the United States you go wow like you could fit everything in there you could fit America, you could fit China you could fit Asia you could fit Europe I mean Africa's fucking big man whoa

whoa exactly right wow it's bigger I mean, Africa is fucking big, man. Whoa. Whoa. Exactly, right? Wow. It's bigger. And blacker. And everything started there. That's what's bizarre. It's all from there.

It's a Chris Rock special, right? Bigger and blacker. Wasn't his best work. No, that was... No, I'm not thinking bigger and blacker. I'm thinking the one he went to Africa. He did stand up when he had... That one whacked me out. kept changing clothes yeah like i didn't understand why that was

a good idea like it was definitely cutting edge at the time but i don't know if it benefited i don't think it was i just think it was just a bunch of shows put together just showing off that you could you're in a bunch of different places but it also it it releases the veil it pulls aside the veil you're doing the same thing you're doing the same setup punch line every night like that's like the hidden sort of subtext to it you're letting everyone know like this is like he does it the exact same way it sort of exposes a little bit of the magic of what he's doing you know great comic like chris rock is so smooth on stage you get caught up in this like you don't thinking that this is a well-prepared well-written well-rehearsed bit you're just

laughing at the idea but when you see him perform the setup in one place the punchline the other then you're forced to sort of internalize like oh he does this the exact same way everywhere he goes he said it a hundred times before. It's almost like seeing it twice in some sort of a way. When you see someone who's really funny, and then you see them again do the same bit, it's not as good. It's like, even if you really love them, it's a little less good. You know? And so he kind of had that in his special, kind of built in.

Still great, you know, but not but not in my mind not as good but that's one of those things where you just keep trying to do something weird you know yeah keep trying to mix it up like like if you did your whole special like from the beginning to the end with one camera like you showed up and filmed the whole thing. It's a genius idea. One shot on Netflix. Tony Hinchcliffe. Go see it now. Are you doing another one in October? Have you decided? I'm not.

No, I'm not going to. When do you want to do your next one? I don't know. I'm going to wait to see when somebody comes at me with an idea or something like that. I don't know. We'll see. Then again, if nobody comes at me soon, maybe I'll just make another one at some point. Well, you made yours, and then you sold it to Netflix, which is fantastic.

I feel like what I did with the Ice House, I can pretty much pitch that to anybody, and I think they'd be down. It's a pretty cool deal. Well, it's also, when you do it the way you did it, it's like you really get the sense of the intimacy of a comedy club which i think still is the best venue for a special you know because you're like you know you're in in your you're watching television at home you're in your living room you're sitting on a couch just like that usually so like stand up should be in a small

room you know yeah club it's it's so cool when i did the ice house with you last week sean sullivan the gm there came up to me and we were talking a little bit about it and he goes man there's people that come to this spot right next to the parking spot here and they even they check with the employees and us they go isn't that the spot where tony starts and then he goes in and then he comes back there. Yeah. So it's sort of like, his like opened up there. So, you know,

it's sort of like a, a cool spot. Like, I guess like when you see that bullet hole in the back of the belly room sign, like Kenison's thing, you know, it's like, there's like a little bit of a legacy.

I wish they never fixed that sign. They, they're trying to fix too many things. They're trying to fix the patio floor. Now, did you see that debacle? But it's not shiny now. It was shiny and it was cool. I thought it was about to slip. I was like, what the fuck?

And then they sanded it down. It looks like it's bad, man. Why would they fix the bullet hole that Sam Kinison put in that sign? That's like history. Someone has to keep that sign. The other one? The one that they fixed? The one that has the hole. Someone has to have the hole, right? I gotta hope so. I hope they didn't throw it out. It makes one? The one that they fixed? The one that has the hole. Someone has to have the hole, right? I kind of hope so.

I hope they didn't throw it out. It makes zero sense to fix that. It still has the bullet hole in the back. Oh. It just doesn't have it through the glass. The plastic part was lit up. Oh, I didn't know that was a thing. Yeah. He shot right through the fucking thing. Really?

What a crazy cocaine sniffing asshole. Is there a hole on the wall? That's a good question. Back by the side. Someone pointed it out to their dad. I was like, I didn't know there was one here, too. Probably. I mean, if he shot a.38 at close range,

I believe that's what everybody said it was, it would definitely go through that and into the wall. By the way, the photo for the cover of one shot, shot by... Jamie Vernon. Yo, by... Jamie Vernon. Yo, Jamie. Jamie Vernon. Yes.

Accidentally got cut out of the credits. Those motherfuckers. He was literally in there, and then he literally wasn't after that. Who cut it out? It's just a complete technical error from the person who was... It's not my first non-credit. It won't be my last. These motherfuckers and their non-credits. God damn it. I'm done talking. I'm the king my first non-credit it won't be my last these motherfuckers and their non-credits

god damn it I'm done talking I'm the king of the non-credit we can uh we can continue this tomorrow at the show where I can just we can edit on this too

we can like make a part two addendum maybe uh yeah we can do something like that just turn it on see if there's anything fun to do

we can do something like that yeah why not fuck it um yeah let's just put it on the green room talk some shit yeah so this podcast Honestly, if there's anything fun to do. We could do something like that. Yeah. Why not? Fuck it. Yeah. Let's just put it on the green room. Talk some shit. Yeah.

So this podcast for now is over. But so we did like a couple hours, right? That's a good hour and a half, hour 40. Good. Plenty of time. And so we're doing Westside Barbell tomorrow. We're going to be meeting up with Louie Simmons who's the famous power lifter and strength coach of Westside Barbell you want to go Tony he'll give you some

fucking pointers power lifting and me we really don't see eye to eye I'm getting bigger I'm just sitting in the bag right now whatever dude I've been lifting I already look pretty much

better than you. It's been like three months. I think he's a little bigger than you. Alright. Jamie does deadlifts. On tomorrow's podcast, we're going shirtless. Jamie gets jacked and gets down there. We're gonna

let the audience decide tomorrow night live from the palace let's just go fucking pantsless come on let's just who can hold our shit in the longest

let's just let's have a contest alright we're gonna wrap this thing up so goodnight bye fuck you bye

bye bye bye We'll see you next time.