The Joe Rogan Experience - #860 - Russell Peters

Episode Date: October 14, 2016

Russell Peters is an actor and standup comedian, currently touring internationally all over the world. His latest stand-up comedy special "Almost Famous" is now on Netflix.

It's been three years since he texts back. We are live right now and our brother Joey Coco Diaz is in Chicago tonight. If you are lucky to get tickets to his show at Zany's in Rosemont, Illinois. It's not technically Chicago, right? How far away is that? Rosemont is like 20 minutes, 20 minutes. Just outside. That's where Joey is and he's filming tonight for CISO. CISO is some new thing that Doug Stanhope has a special on CISO. Now Joey has a special on CISO.

And apparently it's like NBC is doing something. Something that NBC is doing. Well, Netflix is giving apparently $40 million to Chris Rock. What? Did you hear that? What? $40 million for two specials. Jesus.

That's fucking insane. Jesus. That's fucking insane. Jesus. That's $20 million a special. That's a record. Yeah, I would say. They got into a bidding war with HBO apparently for like... Wow. HBO went up to $30 million and then Netflix said, fuck you, here's $40.

Holy shit, Netflix is balling. Yeah, but now I feel gypped. Netflix is out of control right now, but so is HBO. I've been watching Westworld. Have you watched Westworld yet? Is that on HBO? Yeah. Holy shit, it's good.

I've heard about it, but I thought it was on CBS or something. Good. Yeah? It's good. That's where they go into that weird fake world and robots and shit? Yeah, it's based on that 1973 movie with Yul Brynner Westworld.

Good old Yul. Yeah, which was basically the same kind of movie. It was basically the same as the show. How many times did I say basically in the first five minutes? But what it was is it's, you know,

so people can go and have like a fantasy and live in the Wild West but obviously the robots don't play and they start malfunctioning and that's where i'm in episode two shit started kind of like a cowboy logan's run logan's run wow i don't even remember that really i don't remember logan's run i barely remember i'm

trying to remember when i was a kid what was logan's run was it a series or it was a series it was i think it was a movie and then it became a series yeah there it is oh wow i remember the poster welcome to the 23rd century isn't that weird that is weird it's so weird what they thought we were going to be living like like do you remember space 1999 i remember everything was i remember when i was break dancing in 1984 there was a move called the 1990 where you jumped on the one. You remember that move? You jumped on one hand. You flipped up upside down on one hand and spun.

The move that Cuba Gooding Jr. did in. Go back. Go back to those pictures. Go back to the first one you went to. Look at that. They got one thing right. People are going to be wearing pre-ripped pants like assholes. Yeah.

And girls are going to be showing their vaginas. Yeah. They got both of those things right. And that hairstyle's back, so. Both hairstyles are back. Chicks are wearing hairstyles like that, too. Yeah. So what was the move?

The 1990? It was called the 1990. And then, oh, that's good stuff. Is that real? No, cosplay. That's cosplay, but I could. Keep cosin', girl. Yeah.

Whatever you're doing, I like it. I'm just having more cosim'. See, I'm so... Keep causing, girl. Yeah. Whatever you're doing, I like it. I'm not trying to nor cause them. See, I'm so happy that girls still dress like that. All this crazy talk of women not dressing sexy or alluring like that is just disturbing to me, Russell Peters. I don't want that to change. I mean, you know, it depends on when and where they're doing it, right? No. Do it whenever you want. Give them the green light.

Office buildings, everything. Office buildings would be great. Fuck yeah. I remember going into office buildings just getting a hard-on, looking at the secretaries and the heels. A full hard-on? You know, I was in my early 20s, late 19s, you know? You're a madman.

I was a lunatic. You're a different kind of guy. I was knocking shit over with my cock. You didn't grab any pussies, though, did you? I was not a pussy grabber. I'm not either. No, I don't even know how you'd not a pussy grabber. I'm not either. No, I don't even know how you'd grab a pussy without actually fingering it.

Yeah. Like, how do you grab it on the outside? I mean, that's the benefit of having those little hands. Yeah, those little hands could grab them. Yeah. You could just fully grab them. A pinch. Like one of those, like, folder holder things that you use to.

Those little paper clips? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I know those ones. Clamps. Yeah, the little clamps. With the little stainless steel. donald clamp running for president clamp and pinch there's a fucking hilarious uh meme that i saw that somebody put online it's it's so funny it shows different presidential quotes throughout history like

the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country. John F. Kennedy. Grab them by the pussy. Donald Trump. This is where we are. This is really where we are.

We turned reality into reality. Yeah. Do you think that that's what started it all? That, like, reality TV, like, from Survivor on, exposing the world to, instead of to people that we've created, like Magnum P.I. or, you know, fill in the blank. Yeah, they gave us things. We used to have things to strive to want to be. And then they took it down to the lowest common denominator and made us go, oh, thank God they took away all that. Now we can just be normal again.

We can be hopeless. Yeah, they brought it down to Snooki. Yeah. You know, they went from people that you could never be like. MacGyver, yeah. Gets out of every situation. never be like. MacGyver, yeah.

Gets out of every situation. That's confusing too, though, right? Because people start thinking that they can be MacGyver or that they can solve the world's problems. Well, it gets your brain moving. It kind of gives it a little jog. It makes you think sideways and gives you the opportunity to think laterally. But when you've got a dummy just saying things that you want to hear, you go, oh, okay, I can turn it off now, guys.

That's the one thing that confuses me the most about donald trump i didn't know there were that many assholes out there like i kind of knew but i didn't know they were going to organize it would it was it's weird to me that you know when you meet people that again you thought were level-headed thinking people is that eric b like eric beam ruckin yeah oh nice eric b is actually living at my house in Vegas right now. Shut the fuck up. Really? Yeah.

Damn, dude. You know, I keep it hip-hop, son. You do. Yeah. You do. What about Rakim? Rakim's not living at the house, no. No?

Secretly, I think they may be getting back together. Secretly? You just gave it up on the air. I mean, I can't say that they are. I said they may be. Well, you're starting rumors. Is that what we're doing now? That's the way to go to get that one started. Trying to get everybody

paid. Oh, I love those guys. We were just talking about them yesterday. Were you? Yeah. Who was on yesterday? Was that Jesse? Jesse Ventura and then Red Band. But we were talking about Eric B. and Rakim. We were talking about EPMD. Yep, I'm friends with DJ Scratch from EPMD.

Oh, shit. I'm almost friends with the DJ of the group. Have you noticed that? Yeah, well, you're a DJ. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. It's like us being friends with comedians.

Yeah, we happen to know one or two of them. Yeah. Isn't it a funny thing about being a comic? Like, you run into another comic somewhere, and you're like, oh, you. Yeah. Come here, you. We're around regular people. Get over here. We're all left brain thinkers. We're around regular people. Get over here.

We're all left brain thinkers. We need to be together. Is that what it is? Yeah. That's the left brain? Yeah. That's what I've heard. It's not real.

I don't know. If you kick somebody in the left side of the head, does it fuck up their jokes? I don't know. Somebody sent me something that says, it's in my eye. It's in my eye. Whatever. that's in my whatever but it was about how some sort of head trauma can make your brain relate everything to a joke after

well there's a book that Sam Kinison's brother wrote Brother Sam and it's all about how Sam well it's all about Sam but it's all a big part of it is how Sam changed when he got hit by a car he was a little kid and he got hit by a car. He was a little kid, and he got nailed by a car and really

fucked up. And from that point on, he became this maniac. This wild, crazy, reckless motherfucker. Before that, he was like a normal kid. And bang! One hard shot to the head, and all of a sudden he's like, oh! Like all the crazy ranting

and the sermons he used to give. I guess when you get close to death, you look at it one of two sudden, he's like, oh, oh! Like all the crazy ranting and the sermons he used to give. I guess when you get close to death, you look at it one of two ways, right? I don't think that's it. I think it's traumatic brain injury. That's what I'm saying. But, like, again, your brain goes, oh, fuck, well, we didn't suffer through that. Now let's just enjoy the rest of this. That would be nice if that made sense.

If that was a fact, I don't know. But I like making up my own facts. I think what it is is it's damage. I think damage to the brain, like actual physical damage, affects impulse control. And it has something to do with that and getting angry quicker. There's a bunch of factors that come into play that you see with football players too. You think they'd be hilarious after all those times.

I know, right? Maybe they are. Maybe we need to find one right before they become too stupid to talk. Yes. And just ask them, like, what do you find funny? I mean, they weren't that bright to begin with. How dare you say that? They can be bright if they were big and giant and they wanted to make money.

Football is the way to go, right? What else are you going to do? Be a strong man? I don't know. I mean, you could fight. How much does a strongman weigh? You can't even fight if you're that big because, like, at 265 pounds, that's the weight limit for MMA.

There's a limit on that. There's a fucking limit. That's so weird. So weird. Because remember Emanuel Yarbrough, was he 600 pounds? Yeah, well, look what happened to him. Keith Hackney bitch-slapped him in a coma. That's true.

That's true. Didn't he break his wrist on that? He hit him with a bitch-slap. It's true, it's true. Didn't he break his wrist on that? He hit him with a bitch slap. It was that side weird. Yeah, well, once he got him down, he was hammer fisting him. He was like one of the first guys to do the hammer fist in a fight. I remember seeing that and going, that's a terrible punch. It's effective.

You know what's cool about a hammer fist is like you can do this to a table, like this oak table, and it doesn't hurt your hand at all. But if you did that with your knuckles, you'd be like, ah. But it's weird that we punch with our knuckles. Well, you know, we just associate this soft padded part as not going to hurt you. Exactly. It fucking hurts a lot. Like hammer fists are very effective.

Have you hammer fisted anybody? No. No, I never hammer fisted anybody. Not that I can remember. I just realized we went into fisting real quick. When you're spitting back fist somebody, there's two ways to do it. You could do it with the actual back of the hand, but that hurts. Like, if you hit someone's chin... Yeah, it's very tender

there. Yeah, if you hit someone's chin with the very back of your hand, you could fuck your hand. You could break your hand for sure. But the right way to do a spitting back fist is with the hand down with the palm of the hand hand down with the the palm of the hand facing down with the fist so in that way you are hammer fisting someone you really it's really a spinning hammer fist more than a spinning back fist that's the way to do it right i've never done a spinning back fist no nobody no it's a brutal move and you gotta really time that one

right yeah you do you gotta you gotta be very confident knowing that you're turning your back on the guy real quick. It's weird how the different ways people figured out how to fuck people up. Yeah. I was watching a street fight today between these two chicks. Here? For real? No, no, no, no.

It was on Instagram. Somebody said it to me. Oh, was it the one where the girl said, kick my ass, bitch. Kick my ass. You said you were gonna kick my ass. Kick my ass, bitch. It was two white girls sounding like really ghetto black girls for some black girls i didn't even listen because my wife was there i just watched to a blonde girl and yes yeah and she her head hits the car yes yeah i've seen that one dude

see you know yeah it uh she like throws her to the ground she kind of like kind of curbs her a little bit too yeah beats the fuck out of her and she got attacked she got attacked she totally turned around beat that girl's ass. Yeah, and she kept chasing her, and that girl kept talking shit. Yes, while she was beating the fuck out of her. I'm like, well, you know, if you hit her on the jaw, maybe she'd go to sleep and you wouldn't have to hear her talk anymore. But the girl, my point was, when she had her down, she's hammer fisting him. Like, people know that's a legit move now.

Like, MMA has changed street fighting forever. It really has. Fuck yeah. People know. They know what to do now. And you could see, especially with kids, there's a ton of videos of trained kids who actually know how to fight. They get attacked by someone who doesn't know how to fight. And they wind up armbarring them or getting them in a mounted triangle.

Like the kid that did that to Cat Williams. Oh, yes. Yeah, well, that kid was a wrestler, yeah. Yeah, but he was 17. I thought he was only 15. Whatever he was, he was a teenager. Yes. And he got him in a nice seat, stretched him out and everything.

He got his back and just stretched him. What the fuck is wrong with Cat Williams? I don't know, man. He's one of us. What's he doing? I don't know. He's one of us, but he's also one of those guys, it seems like, who's hitting that pipe every now and then. I don't know. i can't confirm nor deny those allegations there's definitely some stimulants involved yeah there's something going on

yeah something's gone awry yeah i'm fascinated by him because i think he's one of the best comics alive in bursts like in in moments but then he'll have these horrible wretched shows where there's class action lawsuits or people want their money back and he winds up leaving. But then he gets it back together and has some amazing stories. Like he'll put together a special and have amazing stories based on all the fucked up shit he did. It's almost like he does it on purpose. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But I don't think he does. But it seems like he could write the ship.

Like he's just like, fuck it, I'm steering into the wind. He steers into the wind and then he's like, all right, that did not work out. We got to get the Cat Williams boat back online. We got to turn this around. There's an iceberg coming. Yeah, and he figures out how to right the ship, and then he comes back around. But, man, when he's on, he's fucking funny. Yeah, because he's fearless.

Yeah. Absolutely fearless. Yeah. He definitely does not give a fuck. And with his hair, something about that conked out hair and the sweat. Profuse sweat. That's that Molly sweat. That's that.

Sweating that MDMA out of your system. Did you ever see the time where him and Steve Harvey, they did this thing together. It was real weird. It was like they were touring together. That doesn't make any sense to me. At all. Steve Harvey would go on first and then Cat Williams would go on second. And I guess they were like talking shit about each other

leading up to the show. So Steve Harvey goes on and then Cat Williams spends the first ten minutes mocking him. And it is fucking brutal and hilarious. Well, I'm with Cat on that one. Yeah, it's hard to not be. That Steve Harvey guy is a weird dude.

I've never met him, actually. 27 years in this game, I've never met Steve Harvey. Well, I met him a long time time ago back when he was essentially doing a richard pryor impression when i met him in the 90s yeah he was doing richard pryor on stage i mean it was crazy like if you didn't know you would think like is this guy like auditioning for a richard pryor movie or something yeah i don't remember his stand-up at all from back it wasn't like he was doing priors material but material. But he was talking as if he was Richard Pryor. Right.

You know, there was the whole thing. Like, guys, you know how it is. You get influenced. Yeah. Did you ever do that? There was no. I mean, I was always into, like, Carlin and stuff like that. So I was not smart enough to copy Carlin.

I mean, I knew my intelligence level was far lesser than Carlin's, so I would just do what I did. I caught myself on stage once sounding exactly like Richard Jenney. I was like, Jesus. Oh, wow. Exactly. You went in. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I was open-miker.

Now there's a whole slew of uh comics that try to sound like mitch really yeah there's a few of them out there and it freaks me out and everyone's on their dick and i'm like wait you know that's mitch right that they're doing well like okay you can't tell me names but yeah yeah well hedberg had such a distinct style that would be kind of crazy but you hear with a tell i mean in new york there's like five or six guys that I could name right now. No, everybody at the cellar has the same way of speaking. They're all a tell babies. Yeah.

Yeah. Or, shut up, stupid. Yeah. Everybody wants to be Keith Robinson. Oh, that too, right. Yeah. Yeah. But it's interesting.

That's one of the reasons why some comics- And everybody with the, ugh. What's that? Ugh. That's a cellar thing. What are you doing uh i get it uh what do you uh they're always everything makes them uh who does that who's that coming from when you go to the seller next time you talk to guys you just hear everybody you're like oh my god that's the fucking seller talk i like it clicks it is a little clicky but little clicks but i get sucked into it when I'm there too. I just do it because

I'm around them. I mean, I'm like, I guess this is what we're doing, guys. Yeah, it's interesting how little clubs like the Cellar just spawn. They just take off. And it's become the spot. I mean, you think about how many spots could be the spot in New York City. Yeah. Doesn't New York City

have a hundred comedy clubs or something crazy? There's a ton of them and there's new ones opening all the time and then there's people try doing a nice one or a classier one. That shit never works. Yeah.

You need the nice grimy cellar. I mean, it's just, it is what it is. Low ceiling, everybody packed in real tight and then you get like the A list of comics

walking through there. Yeah. Just to, isn't it funny that it's also funny too that like to practice, the best place to practice. Isn't it funny that it's also funny, too, that to practice, the best place to practice is a little tiny place. Always.

Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to practice in front of a room full of people, 300, 400 people. Have you ever thought about doing a special in front of a tiny group of people? I have, but then, you know, Sarah did the one in front of like 12 people or something like that. She did?

Yeah, she did one with a really small audience. Oh, wasn't it at Largo? Yeah. How big's Largo? Have you ever been to Largo? Well, she did it in one of the small rooms at Largo. Oh, really? Yeah.

Huh. But, I mean, if anybody can make that work, Sarah Silverman can. Yeah. She's fucking funny. Yeah. She doesn't do enough. She doesn't do enough enough and she doesn't get the respect she deserves i don't think i don't think so either yeah i mean she's she's not funny

on a curve like oh that's she's a funny woman no she's i i told her that once i said you know sarah you're one of my favorite comics not one of my favorite female comics one of my favorite comics as a human being comic i saw her at the store maybe a year ago and she was murdering, just murdering. And I was like, man, sometimes I forget how good she is. You forget, A, how good she is, how great her jokes are written. And, you know, I get through this. I go through this little phase when I like now I'm back at the zero point with no material. And I've been going out every night.

But my trick is to go and host. So that way there's not too much expectation on me. Right. That's a good move. Yeah, so I can get my confidence back and then I can see the level of talent around me and what way everybody's thinking and then I can figure out if I want to tell stories

or if I want to tell jokes. Right. Yeah. When do you write? Do you write in front of a computer? Do you write on a notebook? I don't physically write anything ever. Really?

Ever. A lot of guys are like that. Bill Burr doesn't either. Yeah. I was with Bill the other night too. Yeah, we had that conversation about that. I can't. I feel like it's... Well, first of all, I'm too lazy. That's the real issue. It has nothing more to do with anything that... I don't want to sit down and write this. I don't even want to watch my sets. My Almost Famous special's out now. I haven't watched it. No? It was sent to me months ago, and I was like, I don't want to sit down and write this. I don't even want to watch my sets. My Almost Famous special is out now.

I haven't watched it. No? It was sent to me months ago. Is it on Netflix? Yeah. When did you film it? In April. How many times did you watch it?

Not once. You didn't watch it all to edit it? Not even once. My brother sat in on the edits. And then my mom was watching it. My mom was in town. My mom's in town, so she was watching in the living room the other day. And I walked past, like, what are you watching? She goes, you.

And then I was listening here and there. I'm like, why'd they keep that in? That sucks. Why would you keep that in? Yeah, I just watched a trailer for my special today, and I was just, I don't like watching myself either. Oh, yeah, yours is coming out in like in a week or two? October 21st. Yeah, in a week,

basically. Yeah, next Friday. Yeah, next a week, basically. Yeah, next Friday. Yeah, next Friday, 21st. I opened for you. You did? Yeah, last week, my special aired. Oh, I'm like, what? I know I smoke a lot of pot, but. Yeah, we know we've never done a show together.

We've done the Ice House. Oh, that's true. I hosted that. Yeah. I'll do it again then. Fuck yeah, dude. I like hosting. It's fun for I'm there again on the 28th the Friday the 28th, I think I am in

San Jose that weekend if I'm not mistaken. Oh really San Jose improv. I love that place. Yeah, that fucking improv is this shit It's great. But again, I have no act so, you know if anybody out to see me, just understand that I don't have an act right now. Well, you've got a little bit of an act. How much do you have? Zip. I have literally fucking nothing. I have one joke, and I could say it now, but then it's over. How much time do you give yourself before you start doing theaters again?

I wait until I got jokes, actual jokes. I wait until I got at least 40 minutes. So do you like just keep banging it out and then go, okay, we're good. Start booking shit. Yeah. Or do you get in like a few months and you go, all right, now I'm going to give myself a deadline. Uh, deadlines are good for us.

Yeah. Because otherwise we're just, you know, we'll just keep coasting. That's how, for me, writing a new special is very important. Putting a special out and then chucking it and then writing all new shit, it's so important. Because otherwise, we all know those guys that have been around forever doing the same material. Oh, I know some comics in Canada. Hilarious. Their acts are funny as hell, but they've been doing the same act for 30 years.

That's so crazy. And then they give me shit. Their new last special wasn't very good. And I go, yeah, well, you know what? You haven't done new material in 30 years. Did they actually say that to you? You know, I get people that get a little brave on the internet there. They're a little jealous.

A little bold. A little jealous of Russell. Russell went international. They'll make their little Facebook statuses. Mr. Worldwide, like Pitbull. That's it. I'm Shitbull. Shitbull.

You can't help yourself. The fucking puns. I'm shit bull. Shit bull. You can't help yourself. It's a problem. I was killing Joe with the puns that killed Tony. I was trapped in a pun sandwich between Tony Hinchcliffe on one side and Russell Peters on the other side. The puns were flowing like water. Would you like this on bread or a pun? I had to start doing puns myself, and I rarely do puns. I was throwing them in myself

just to keep up with these fucking guys. We're idiots. It's such a specific style of joke. The pun. You know what it is? It takes you back to your father. Because fathers always did puns. Yeah, that's like the silly clever thing

to say. My father, you have an uncle who had the puns what have you yeah what have you dude you you tour everywhere man like you were in dubai and you go saudi arabia holy shit what is that like um you do the show as men on one side women on the other good so i stay over there. Everybody, segregate. I was asking them, like, why? And they're like, and honestly, the guys were telling me, and these are like normal,

supposed to be normal, level-headed men telling me this, and these weren't like, you know, any high-ups or anything. These were normal guys. Oh, because the women, they'll go crazy and they'll want to attack us. So, I'm like, look at you, dude, and look at them. They're not trying to attack you. They'll want to attack them. And have sex, look at you, dude, and look at them. They're not trying to attack you. They'll want to attack them.

And have sex with them in the streets. That's what they've been brainwashed into believing. That if these women aren't separated, they'll just come and attack you and want that dick. Maybe that is the case, though, when you keep them separated. If you keep them from men all the time, when they finally get around men, maybe they just jump on dick like a hero on a grenade. Guys are a little too friendly with each other as far as I'm concerned. Gay stuff.

Yeah, but I don't even think they recognize it as homosexual because they're like, they're not attracted to men. It's just. They get horny and they just start jerking each other off. I don't know that for sure, but, you know, I could see that as a possibility. If you're just around dudes all the time, just repressed. possibility if you're just around dudes all the time just repressed well i know dudes who've been in the military who've done tours and they they go overseas to the middle east and they say that guys fuck young boys all the time that's weird to me well you think that that's a like a consequence of the separation between the men and the women yeah i. I don't know what it is. It's weird to me. Yeah.

But when I did the show, I played right down the aisle. I stood where the aisle was. When I was on stage, I stood where the aisle was so that I didn't really pick a side. Did you turn like a sprinkler? Yeah, I did. I kept turning like that. Like I was just trying to water half the lawn. Now, when you do shows like that, do you ever worry about doing something that can get you in trouble?

It's not so much that I worry about doing stuff that'll get me in trouble it's doing stuff that they may deem as offensive because i know what is offensive and then then you got to worry about people's sensitivities so i'll always ask the promoter like straight up i'm like what can't i talk about um and they're like no religion don't mention talk about? And they're like, no religion, don't mention the royal family and try to keep sex to a minimum. I'm like,

eh, alright. Wow, no religion. Can't you just mock Mormons? Can't you make fun of Mormons? You probably could. Yeah,

they wouldn't give a fuck about that. They would, again, wouldn't know what a Mormon was. They would think it was a sect. Really? No, I don't know.

I'm sure they wouldn't know what a Mormon is. Mormon's very specific to this part of the world it was a sect. Really? No, I don't know. I'm sure they wouldn't know what a Mormon is. Mormon's very specific to this part of the world. Wasn't it created here? Yeah. Yeah, it was created in, well, they took over Utah,

essentially. What's interesting, do you perform in Utah a lot? Once or twice, not very often. It's really interesting. Great club. It's great.

Yeah. Yeah, well, Wise Guys and Salt Lake, they have two of them now, right? They have a larger one. They had the original one. I think they opened a larger one. The one down from the mall?

I don't remember the address. But they have, Utah's interesting because you have like these Mormons, but you have a lot of like really cool people that are sick of the Mormons bullshit. Yeah. And they surround them too. But then it's, Mormons, I mean, it's a wacky cult, right? It's very bizarre. But they're really nice.

They're like some of the nicest cult members ever. Yeah, it's a tough line to walk, because I'm not sure what their deal is. I'm not sure if they're trying to convert you, but then as a brown guy, I'm like, well, they only just started letting us believe their shit about 20 years ago, right? And they only let black people in like 20 years ago is that what happened i don't even know there's any black mormons there's got to be like a clan of black

mormons please find that jamie yeah there's got to be some sort of a group where they get together called more than men's Jesus Christ Can't all be good Joe Let's pretend that didn't happen But they have a great spot Salt Lake City is god damn gorgeous You know they have the mountains there It is nice Air is nice up there

Yeah I love Utah I walked a lot when I was there I would walk from the hotel to the gig Why? Why not? Okay It was nice Nice air

Needed the exercise Yeah Salt Lake City is From the hotel to the gig. Why? Why not? Okay. It was nice. Nice air. Needed the exercise. Yeah, Salt Lake City, it's weird when you associate a place with something. Like, San Francisco used to be gay. Yeah. So, even the gays can't afford it anymore. Yeah. It's not really gay anymore.

Yeah. They outpriced the gays. Yeah, they did. They did. They did. I mean, there's definitely some really gay anymore. Yeah. They outpriced the gays. Yeah, they did. They did. They did. I mean, there's definitely some rich gay folk out there. Yeah. But as far as like having a community of specific people, it's more tech, tech millionaires and shit. It's a lot of that.

A lot of, there's a lot of, and there's a lot of old money there too, you know, people that have just been there forever. There's that. And there's a lot of old money there, too, you know, people that have just been there forever. There's that. But as far as, like, the amount that things cost in San Francisco, it's the most obscene I've ever seen in terms of, like, real estate and what it costs to buy a house. Yeah, if you want to be in the city, right? Yeah, yeah. But that's pretty much any city. If you want to be in it, it's going to cost you a lot more.

It'll cost you a lot more. But you can live in West Hollywood. New York's insanity. But you could live in West Hollywood, and it kind of makes sense. You could rent in West Hollywood. It's hard to own in West Hollywood. Is it? I feel like everything's been purchased by somebody,

and they just rent everything out. Huh. Extremely high rent. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. But there's stuff for sale. But it just doesn't... California's so strange because of the earthquakes, everything's that makes sense. But there's stuff for sale. But it just doesn't. California's so strange because of the earthquakes.

Everything's all spread out. Nothing's stacked on top of each other. I mean, you have downtown, but downtown's so rare. Downtown's so new. Yeah. Well, it is now. It's becoming new again. Yeah.

And real estate downtown is very expensive now, too. I remember when they started doing it about 10 years ago, it was cheap. Now you're like, wow, it's almost like New York pricing. Yeah, they're turning it into an actual real city. Johnny Depp is selling some. Were you telling me about that? What's he selling? Johnny Depp is selling some preposterous chunk of real estate there where he's got like five floors and some gigantic. Well, you know, he's getting divorced. Yeah, so he's got to five floors and some gigantic well you know he's

getting divorced yeah so he's got to start dumping shit the kid's getting fucked he's getting fucked johnny yeah he's gonna have to give up a ton of cash that dummy didn't even get a prenuptial at least i got a prenup this time good for you yeah this time this time first time no first time no but i was only married for 14 months so it it didn't matter. They can't fuck you if you're only married for 14 months? No. Look at this. Johnny Depp just listed his five Los Angeles penthouses for $12.78 million. He's got five of them?

He just sold one of them. Is it $12.7 each or in total? Total for all five. Oh, that's not too bad then. No, it's not bad at all. I thought they were all stacked. I thought it was just... They are.

It's like the top couple floors of one of those buildings. It's all five units together. It's all him. bad, then. No, it's not bad at all. I thought they were all stacked. I thought it was just... They are. It's like the top couple floors of one of those buildings. It's all five units together. It's all him. Yeah, yeah. What is he doing buying all this stuff? They look pretty cool. I think you guys buy all that stuff because the money starts flowing in. He said, whoa, he's got some baller fucking houses.

Holy shit. Yeah, that's some cool shit. Wow, that is amazing. What a cool looking place. Three of them are connected. The other two, I guess, are separate. Oh, I see. So he's selling those two and the other three.

But the problem with apartment living is, man, you wind up paying all that money, and then the neighbor right next door has a party. Yeah. And you listen to his bullshit. That's probably why he bought all those, so that way he was his own neighbor. Yeah, that's a good move. But you're still, and also and also then if you're in downtown la one day the fucking earth is going to shake yeah and that building you're in is going to

be useless you're not going to be able to fix that thing it's going to break there's going to be structural issues they're going to have to vacate the entire thing and you're going to get fucked out of all your hard-earned cash all that entire thing and you're going to get fucked out of all your hard earned cash. All that Jack Sparrow money. Well, he's getting fucked out of it anyway. His earth is shaking already. But she's hooked up with Elon Musk. Has she really?

Yeah, maybe she'll leave him alone. Maybe she'll cut him some slack. I did not know she was with Elon Musk now. Yeah. I thought Elon was smarter than that. No. You would think. No.

The guy's a fucking genius. He's a thinker. He's a forward thinker. I think he likes pussy. Yeah. We all like pussy. Well, he was married to some actress before that, and apparently didn't have a prenuptial with her.

Oh. Oh, that's terrible. Billionaire and the babe, Elon Musk, relentlessly pursued and was infatuated with Amber Heard, sending repeated emails requesting to meet the actress. Okay. I don't like the way that's phrased, because that's the work of some asshole. Yeah, it sounds like he wanted to grab her pussy. Who wrote that?

Is that a girl or a guy who wrote that? Uh, Chris. It says chris so it could be either yeah right i like how you did that it was written by pat remember it's pat you couldn't do that today no you did that today they would call you transphobic yeah there's every phobic now she's not gender binary or z's not gender binary there's. From your part of town, University of Toronto, there's this embattled professor who's standing his ground against political correctness in Toronto. And the kids are going crazy. They're trying to get him removed. He just refuses to use the 28 different gender pronouns. He refuses to let people choose what gender pronoun they want to be called.

He's like, no, I'm going to call men, men. I'm going to call women, women. Like this is ridiculous. And this is censorship. Like you're trying to change people's behavior. Yeah. Here's the problem is that people now with all these free, this new liberty, they're just choosing to do things as opposed to actually being a certain

way yeah and i saw this story about this uh kid gavin something or another uh i think it's in north carolina if i'm not mistaken and uh and was born a girl but when you see he's a 14 or 15 year old now and he identifies as a male and when you see it you're like oh yeah he's a 14 or 15 year old now and he identifies as a male. And when you see it, you're like, oh, yeah, he's a boy. There's there's no reason for me to not believe that this is the right way for this person to be. But it should be case to case. You know, it shouldn't be. You can't just blanket statement.

Oh, whatever you want to be, you can be. No, fuck that. You it has to be genuine. You can't just do it because that's the thing to do right now. It does have to be genuine you can't just do it because that's the thing to do right now it does have to be genuine but when you open it up like that then it gives people who legitimately feel like they're in the wrong gender it gives them the opportunity to express themselves in a different gender what's fucked up is that you're born a boy and you're a fucking boy all right you're born a girl you're a girl but if you're born a girl and you feel like you're a boy

you're never really going to be a boy you know so if i call you a boy and you take a girl. But if you were born a girl and you feel like you're a boy, you're never really going to be a boy. So if I call you a boy and you take a bunch of hormones and everything, you're still not a boy. What would be nice and what's probably eventually going to happen, there's going to be a way that they can change your sex. Like literally change your sex. There's going to be some way where they interfere with your

DNA. They get in there and Russell Peters becomes Russellina Peters. It's a little hacking on your system there. If you were a girl, what would you change your name to? Rose. I don't know. I still want to be RP. Beautiful. You'd be beautiful. You'd be like a flower.

I'd be a beautiful flower. Rose petals. I would be Tulip. I'd be Tulip Rogan. I've always wanted to be a tulip. I feel like they're an underappreciated flower. They're very popular. You don't want to be a rose because roses like the king of the flowers.

It's a lot of pressure. But then you don't want to be orchid because that's the more expensive. Orchids are more expensive than roses? Yeah. Fuck yeah. They're very expensive. Really? Yeah.

How do you know this? Because my fiance loves orchids. Oh. But the good thing with those is you buy one and they last for a long time. You can keep those alive. Really? How's that? The way they are. You wrap them around a stick and they just keep growing.

Okay. So when you buy them, are they in dirt? Yeah. You get them in dirt. Okay. So roses, you buy them and they're in a bush so they're cut. Yeah. They die quick. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that life support system thing they do where they put it in water. Like, hey, keep the roses in water to keep them fresh. They're dead.

You killed them. Should we pull the plug on these roses yet? You know what I found out recently? We were talking about this the other day, that you can take the stem of one plant and plant it on another plant. I was at this ranch and they had pistachio trees. And the arms of the pistachio trees are grafted onto an avocado tree.

So that's stem cell. No, it's not. You just tried to make a pun out of it. I did, I did. Son of a bitch. That can't all be good, Joe. You gotta spit them out

so that way they get out there and you find out if they're good or not. But you can't take a rose, like when someone gives you a rose that's been cut, you can't make that thing stay alive, can you? Can you plant it in dirt no no it needs roots right it

needs the roots it's not going to grow roots right it can't i don't think it can grow roots it's over i think the the the top of the the bud the uh can can flourish still the flower yeah the flower itself can do what it can still flourish for a little while. But the body is dead, basically. The stem's dead. Yeah, the stem's dead. So you can't take the flower and somehow... But it dies in increments. It's dead from the cut point, I would imagine.

Oh, is that what it is? I don't know. I'm assuming it would be dead from the cut point and then it just slowly dies its way up. Hmm. That makes sense, right? Oh, you can't? Yeah. So, dies its way up. Hmm. That makes sense, right? Oh, you can't? Yeah. So I'm an idiot.

No. You can regrow a rose once you cut it off the stem? Yeah. For real? I'm just not a horticulturalist. Well, it's interesting to watch people who know flowers. They know what to trim and what not to trim. They're constantly like cutting pieces off of it.

That's why they do what they do and we just pay them to do that. Yeah. Okay, I have nothing. I got nothing for that. What's that? You can even use it, doing it using potatoes. Oh, I've seen that before. Oh, shit.

Yeah. So you take the stem, you stick it in a potato, and what does a potato do? It probably helps give it a root base, I would imagine. I'm making a guess on that. Can people hear you right now on that? Yeah. I mean, you guys can't hear me because you don't have headphones on. But they won't do that in LA because people tend to avoid potatoes and carbs. They do now.

It's the newest thing. Have you been on that yet? What? Avoiding carbs? No. Clearly. Look at me. I look like I've avoided a carb.

You don't give a fuck, do you? I do. I just fucking like food. I do, too. I give myself at me. I look like I've avoided a carb. You don't give a fuck, do you? I do. I just fucking like food. I do, too. I give myself cheat days. Yeah. When I was for the special, I had hired Alex Ariza to train me. Alex Ariza, the guy who trained Pacquiao? Yeah. Really?

I hired him for that. Did he get you on steroids? No, no, no. He didn't. Isn't he famous for that? That's what everybody thinks he does, but I didn't see it. He just works you fucking incredibly hard. Yeah? No, no, he didn't. Isn't he famous for that? That's what everybody thinks he does, but I didn't see it. He just works you fucking incredibly hard. Yeah?

Yeah, and I was like, Alex, you know I don't have a fight coming up, right? Like, literally. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you this. I would spar 12 rounds boxing, and then— 12? 12, with 30-second breaks. What? Yeah. And then after that, an hour and a half of core.

Come on. Oh, my that, an hour and a half of core. Come on. Oh my god, I'm dying. And I would literally get home and just be in bed for the rest of the day. That was it. So all that core stuff that Pacquiao does, do you think he got all that from him? I would imagine so. Because I was always wondering. I was like, I've never seen a fighter work more on their core than Pacquiao.

He was telling me, though, that Pacquiao was addicted to that, though. Really? He would have to tell Pacquiao, don't do fucking sit-ups today. Why? Because, you know, take a day off, let your muscles rest. Hmm. And he was like, no, you would just catch him just doing them all the time.

And he would do like a thousand sit-ups, something stupid. He said, I couldn't get him to stop doing sit-ups. He couldn't stop. He was addicted to doing sit-ups. That's so bizarre. That's the one thing that most people hate. Yeah. I hated these weird planking things he made me do.

I hated them. Oh, like on your elbows? Not even on my elbows. On the medicine ball, the half ball. He'd turn it upside down, and I would be on that, and then my feet would be on a medicine ball. So I'd be at that angle struggling you know, struggling the whole time. And it'd just make you stand there?

Yeah, 10 seconds, 15 seconds. It's a long time. Now, how'd you get in touch with that guy? From, you know, Ellie Secback? No. Does ES News. He's a boxing kid. Oh, I know the name.

Yeah. He put me in touch with him. That's a weird guy to get as a trainer, though, isn't it? The problem was I wanted to get skinny. I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to get small. Right. But Alex is one of those guys who's like, no, I want to make sure you're fit and you're in shape.

And I'm like, dude, I looked the same, but I was more fit. Right. But you hadn't lost any weight. No. I lost fat percentage and gained muscle mass. But that's not what I wanted. What did you want? I don't have a fucking fight coming up.

I just wanted to get skinny. You just want to slim down. Yeah. Give me AIDS if I have to. Did you really say that? How dare you? Right now, Eazy-E's spinning in his grave. Well, I know.

Do you think he really had AIDS? It would appear so. I don't think anybody would want to fake that one. I mean, usually now when somebody dies of AIDS and they don't want to say it, they just say he had pneumonia. Well, how few heterosexual people got AIDS? That's what's interesting. That's true. It is a difficult way to get it.

Yeah, like if Wilt Chamberlain didn't get AIDS, how does anybody have AIDS? Yeah. Right? And Magic Johnson. And all those, well, he did. Yeah, like if Wilt Chamberlain didn't get AIDS, how does anybody have AIDS? Yeah. Right? And Magic Johnson. And all this, well, he did. Yeah. He got the HIV. But apparently he reads clear now.

That's what the word on the street is, that his tests are. Yeah, I don't understand that. Apparently you can get HIV to such a level that your body doesn't detect it. Yeah. It's all very confusing. Diseases are very confusing. Commenting on any of that stuff. Like, where's the AIDS?

Where'd it go? Come on. Everybody thought by the time this 2016 rolled around, we'd all be dead. Yeah. We'd all have AIDS. We'd all be dead. Right? Yeah.

And then Chris Rock did the joke 20 years ago. Remember? What was that joke? My AIDS is acting up. He said AIDS is just going to get to a point where it's with medication oh that's right and it's basically where we're at right well it's even crazier than manageable it's non-existent do you remember when sam kinnison had that bit about it sam kinnison had like the most controversial bit he's he's like sam they say it's a head it's a it's a communicable disease heterosexuals can die from it, too. He goes, name one!

Name one fucking guy! Name one! He goes, it's not our dance! Remember you had that thing about Rock Hudson? Oh, I remember that. You know, Rock Hudson had to be on his deathbed going, it was that last fucking dick. It was that last dick. Why did I suck it?

Why did I suck it? Millions of dicks. Nothing ever went wrong. Dick, dick dick dick suck suck suck it was that last dick oh oh that guy man

that's a guy that you can't imitate that's a that's a that's a real revolution in comedy there's only been like a few like real revolutions there's uh yeah there's that distinct voice

that people get right there's the mellow guys there's the uh andolutions there's uh yeah there's that distinct voice that people get right there's the mellow guys then there's the uh and then if anybody does try to go that route it's always trying to do sam and now there's the people that want to be mitch and then there's the uh people that want to be bill or louis the bill one was awesome because there were so many people that were trying to be like hicks there was uh there's so many there's so many people that were trying to be like Hicks. There were so many Hicks clones, especially after he died, and everybody's like, I'm going to pick up the mantle. I'm going to be that tortured road warrior who writes poems.

Yeah, see, to me, Hicks always read to me as an angry, dorky guy, angry nerd. That's how I always saw him. Right. Yeah. I never looked at him and go, that guy's so cool. Sam, I looked at him and go, that guy's kind of cool. He's very rock and roll. What's hilarious is Ari Shaffir challenges people.

He goes, he wasn't funny. He goes, show me one joke where Hicks was funny. And people get crazy. They get so mad. They attack him. They go after him. He's like, yeah, good point. He made a good point, but not funny.

Next. I'm with Ari on this. I was never a Hicks fan. I'm a good point, but not funny. Next. I'm with Ari on this. I was never a Hicks fan. I'm a Hicks fan. I'm a Hicks fan. Always will be. I'm a fan of what he did, like the style. It was very fascinating to me to watch, but he definitely wasn't the most hilarious guy.

It wasn't like Joey Diaz. You watch him and you can't stop laughing. You're just crying. I think Kindler is a better version of Hicks. Kindler? a better version of Hicks Kindler how so I mean Kindler's got that fucking sharpness to him and but he's a lot of sticky stuff And he does some sticky stuff, but you almost know he's doing it on purpose. Oh, he definitely is. Yeah, so But again, he's also one of those guys that only comics know about her love Yeah, that's weird

Those I always felt like Kindler would catch on he you know wasn't he on he was on somebody's sitcom for a minute was he?

yeah what sitcom did Kindler end up on? you thinking about Patton? no cause Patton was on a sitcom Patton was on Kevin James sitcom he was on

yeah I think Andy Kindler dropped in on that every now and then too did he? or was it Drew Carey? He's one of them. Do you got that info? What's Bob's Burgers?

Cartoon. I did a voice on Bob's Burgers once. He's on Marin. He's on Marin as a guest every now and then? Was he on anything else? Comedy Bang Bang. Comedy Bang Bang. What is that?

That's Reggie Watts' thing, wasn't it? Reggie Watts is on that new show where he's the band guy. Was it James Corden? Yeah. Yeah. Have you watched that show? I haven't, no. Good for you.

Stay away from that TV. Go read a book. That's what it was. Oh, he was? Oh, no. Good for you. Stay away from that TV. Go read a book. He was on Everybody Loves Raymond. That's what it was. Oh, he was? Oh, okay. Everybody Loves Raymond. The sitcom, is the sitcom dead?

The sitcom is dead as we know it, I think. Yeah, it seems like it. Well, the traditional sitcom is dead. Do you sit around thinking about things you can do? I do all the time. Yeah? I think about it all the time. Reuben Paul and I have an idea for a show,

but we don't know which way to go. That's the thing. Why don't you say it on the air so someone can steal it? Yeah, I know. That's why I'm not saying it. Well, it's my life, so you can't steal my life. You could try. I know.

Aziz Ansari will start gaining weight. You son of a bitch. How dare you? I'm out of here. I went there, motherfucker. I don't give a shit. I'm smoking a joint, even though you don't smoke pop. How come you don't smoke pop?

What's that about? I didn't like the way I felt on it. I didn't like feeling slow. Makes you feel slow? Yeah. How so? Like, just dopey i felt like hmm like too mellow which i didn't want to feel are you sure you're smoking the right shit i mean i you know this was

the this was this was the 90s when i tried it the 90s the 90s they hadn't figured out sativa yet no maybe they did people there's no way they did they did figure it out no back then back then it was either uh you either had a cess or oh yeah that's right or or uh or fucking og kush chronic not even i was in toronto so it was like either jamaican stuff or the hydro stuff what about edibles that's what fucked me up. I did an edible 11 or 12 years ago. One of those little two-bite brownies. But I did not know you're supposed to only have one bite. Oh, that's fucked up more people.

Eating too much edibles has fucked up more people with pot than probably anything ever. Yeah, I ate the whole brownie. And wanted to fucking die. I'm sure you've seen the 9-11 video that was on YouTube. The cops had called 9-11 because there was a guy they pulled over. He had some pot. They stole the pot from him and made brownies with it and ate the brownies and thought the brownies were poisoned and thought they were dying.

Thought they were dead. Right. They were like, time's moving really slow. You ever seen that? No. Oh, fire that up, Jamie. Find that, please. It's hilarious.

It's fucking hilarious because this is what happens. Like marijuana, I've said this before, so please forgive me if you've heard this and you're listening. Marijuana, when you eat it, it's processed by your liver. And it produces something called 11-hydroxy metabolite. That's five times more psychoactive than THC. Right. So there's THC, which you get when you smoke it. And then when you eat it, it's a totally different drug. Yeah.

And so when people go, oh, my God, this is not pot. Something's in this. No, that's pot when you eat it. Pot when you eat it is like a totally different dimension. You open a different door. You go down a different hallway. You're in a different building. You're like, this is not pot.

No, it's pot. That's pot when you eat it. I was stuck to the bed, literally like laying in a, you know, spread eagle. Oh, the 911 call for the cops. The cops called 911 for the, it's a classic. And I was clinging. I was literally, my nails were, I thought I was going to, like the bed call for the cops. The cops called 911 for the... It's a classic. And I was clinging. I was literally... My nails were...

Yeah. I thought I was going to... Like the bed was going to fly. Yeah, I've been there, dude. And I was... All I could do is mumble. I couldn't even muster words at a moment. My tongue was dead.

It was... It's my favorite way to be. Oh, it scared the shit out of me. What I like about being there is that you always come back. Like you really think you're going to die, but you always come back. And you're always fine. And you come back. Here, listen to this.

Pot, brownie, overdose. I think I'm having an overdose at a school with my wife. Okay, you and your wife? Yes. Overdose of what? Marijuana. But I don't know if it had something in it. Okay.

Can you please send rescue? Okay, how old are you? I'm 29 years old, and my wife is 26. Please come. 26? Yes, please. Have you guys been drinking also? What?

Have you guys been drinking today too? No, that's it. No, and is there any weapons in the house? No. Please come. Okay, we're on our way. Are you guys, like, do you guys have fever or anything? No, I'm just, I think we're dying.

Okay, how much did you guys have? I don't know. We made brownies, and I think we're dead. I really do. Okay, how much did you put in the brownies? I don't know. Was it a bag? put in the brownies? I don't know. Was it a bag? Who made the brownies?

My wife and I did. Cuba, come here. Okay. Guess her. She's on the living room ground right now. Is she breathing? On the ground. Barely breathing.

Is she awake? I think so. Okay. Can you look? Pardon? Can you look? Can you look? Can you look? She's lying.

She's laying right down in front of me. Time is going by really, really, really, really slow. Okay, well, I'm on the phone with you. Do you know how much of it you bought and put in the brownies? Pardon? How much did you buy? I don't... Just please send rescue.

They're on the way, but I'm trying to figure out how much you bought and put into the brownies, sir. Probably like a quarter ounce total. A quarter ounce total into the brownies? Did you guys eat all the brownies? Yeah, we did. Okay. And you ate all of them. But how many?

Was it a big batch, a little batch? It was a quarter ounce. Okay, but brownie-wise wise how many pieces do you guys think you guys had i don't know my i probably had like a small chunk please come it's what time is it it's 9 37 when did you guys last eat the brownies probably like an hour and a half ago okay is your wife still is your wife still breathing yeah she is she's sitting she's kneeling down in front of me. She's moving.

Okay. I know. We have to wait. Okay. And is she Stacy Sanchez? Yes. What's your name? My name is Edward.

You're Edward Sanchez? Okay. And did you guys have any other... We get it. It goes on for a while. But what's hilarious is the lady who answered the phone, she didn't even bother. Like, she didn't rush. She knew they were fine because she was sober.

Like, that's my favorite thing. She just keeps asking questions. Like, if that was a gunshot wound, would she be asking so many questions? No. Where are you? Yeah, if somebody, like, blacked out, they think they had a heart attack, she wouldn't be asking so many questions with these pot dummies. One of my friends had one a couple years ago when he came out here to see us he had a cookie and when it

hit him he he turned fucking so pasty white and uh and he he thought he was dying as a guy and he same same exact same reaction i even called my doctor for him because you know i'm like anything i could do he goes no just tell him to relax. He's got to wear off. That's all. Don't drink some water. You really feel like you're done though. You really do. You really feel like, man, I really fucked up. Yeah. This is, it's over. Yeah. He was done. What'd you get back? So what should I try? You shouldn't try anything if you don't want to. I mean, you're a happy guy. I'm a happy guy. I would not look at you and say Russell Peters needs anything in his life other than what he's doing.

I enjoy me some tequila. I do too. Yeah. It's just the health consequences of that stuff are just so different than what happens with pot. What happens with pot is, drum roll, nothing. That's it. Nothing. You get high as fuck, the next day you go to the gym

you feel great like there's no health consequences if i get drunk and i've been drunk i feel like shit the next day man i just feel like shit but what are you drinking anything if you if i drink too much wine i feel like shit the next day yeah if i drink too much whiskey i feel like shit the next day if i drink too much beer i feel like shit the next day i work out drink too much whiskey, I feel like shit the next day. If I drink too much beer, I feel like shit the next day. I work out. I can feel it. I feel weakened. Tequila, I feel fine the next day. You're a maniac.

Just drink it straight. That's terrible advice. He's giving this terrible advice to people. The thing is, you don't have to have a ton of them. I have maybe two glasses. I sip maybe two glasses. I sip them all night.

Brian Regan takes a shot before every show. He does one shot before every show. That seems like a damn good idea. It's not a bad idea. Because your body really doesn't have a hard time processing one shot of whiskey. Like one shot of whiskey is like no big deal. It's when you go like three, four, you have a beer, you have a fucking margarita. I don't mess around like that.

It's just straight tequila. I'm a huge Hunter S. Thompson fan. And one of the saddest things to me is watching Thompson from the time he was a really young man, when he first started making it as a journalist and a writer to the way it was as he got older. And I think a big, big part of it was the alcohol. Like he just drank so much booze that at the end he was almost incoherent. He would go on Letterman and Conan O'Brien and you barely understood what he was saying. And you just saw it.

It's like that stuff will fucking get you. You know who always sounded drunk was Hitchens. Yes. Well, he was drunk a lot. He did always sound drunk. He was drunk a lot and he smoked cigarettes as well, which is just so unfortunate for such a brilliant guy. Yeah. You know?

He did smoke cigarettes, right? He sounded like he did. Doug Stano, what does it say? Did you ever see his booze suit he had when he got on the cruise? No. He snuck on all this alcohol. How to smuggle booze on the cruise ship. He's wearing, I don't know, liters of

whiskey and vodka and mixers. In those things? Yeah, he had it all in bladders and tucked into small plastic bags. Those Stan hopes are skinny now. You can't take this stuff on a cruise ship, I guess. I've never been on one. That is hilarious. Actually, you can't. Because they want you to buy their booze?

Is that what it is? Yeah, but they always have shit booze on board. They do? So look at this. He's got a suit on. Oh, my God. With bags of whiskey. This is so ridiculous.

It's like someone in a movie when they're making jokes about, like, give me all your guns, and they have them tucked everywhere. Oh, my God. This is so ridiculous. But he's ruining it for everyone now. Oh, he's got it in his dick. He's got a tequila tucked into his jockstrap. Are you playing this?

Yeah, I have a little bit of it. I'll put it on. Oh my god, this is insane. He had it in his socks. A flask? Oh my God. It's enough for a party of like 25 people probably. Not for 25 Stanhopes, though.

That's the difference. I love him. That's what he looked like. We're ready for our Norwegian Cruise Lines Impractical Jokers. Hilarious. Drop trow. Smuggled alcohol. Drop trow. I don'tled alcohol drop trow

drop trow I should announce this we're doing an end of the world election night comedy podcast from the comedy store and it's going to be Stan Hope and myself and Fitzsimmons is going to do it

and we're probably going to have some other people, too. And maybe Russell Peters if he's in town. Fuck yeah, bitch! What's the date? Whatever the election day is. Is that the 3rd? Might be the 7th. 7th?

I think the election's on the 8th, so it's going to be the day before. Oh, God. This election's weird, man. It's a good time to be American, guys. This is a weird one. This is a weird one because so many people just want to see it play out. Somebody tweeted, I forgot who it was, but it was hilarious. They said, I can't wait to see the series finale of America.

Wow. It really almost feels like it. You're going to vote, right? Yeah, I guess. I'm going to vote for Gary Johnson, I think. Even though he doesn't know what Aleppo is. Here's the thing. When I heard them ask him that question, it sounded like they wanted to know what he thought about something called Lepo.

Oh. What do you think about Aleppo? I think he do about what are you going to do about aleppo and he was like i'm sorry like i think the question just confused him well it's um it's a really important thing to know if you want to be i mean what has he been doing right he's running for president now that takes up all of his time but how much was he doing when he was the governor of New Mexico as far as like paying attention to world issues? I don't know how much you have to. No more than a regular person. It's always weird that, you know, we get these these people running for president that are from like states where you're like, do they think about the rest of the world there?

Right. You know, Arkansas and new mexico yeah well some i think more people do now than ever before more people definitely think about the rest of the world now than they did say uh 20 or 30 years ago just because we're in we're in contact with people more you know and the internet's giving people more ideas, more things to look up, more things to think about. But, man, not knowing Aleppo. You got to know Aleppo. You know what's funny is I didn't know it. I didn't know it at the time.

I didn't know it. I knew that there was tremendous issues in Syria, but I didn't know what the name of the city was. It sounded like a nickname for something. Aleppo. And then, you know know being indian i was like oh man i must be asking about a leper there was the other one though where he uh didn't know any world leaders yeah that's a problem that's a big problem that's a bigger problem than not knowing aleppo yeah you got to be careful there dude yeah you got to have some people that

you admire yeah but i think look up to somebody in your business. Yeah. I think he said Angela Merkel, right? Is that what he said? I don't even think he said. I think his vice president threw that out for him. Yeah. But that woman.

Who's running for, who's his running mate? Some other dude. Bill Weld, former governor of Massachusetts. Bill Weld? Oh, Bill Weld. Oh, that's his vice president? I should know that. I've almost given up. It's like I'm a Cubs fan.

It's like they're not going to win. They're not going to win. They're not going to win. You know what I mean? They might win this year. They might. I heard. Bob Newhart's all excited.

He's 87. He said he's too old for this shit. I love Bob. But those Cubs fans, man, they hang in there no matter what. I've got to support Toronto. It's my city. I understand. Even though I don't know a damn thing about baseball.

But doesn't this seem like a ridiculous sporting event? It really almost does. It's almost like, who can I demean and insult more to diminish their more contest? If you really thought that about... Part of it is they go for the worst aspects of each other and they try to, like, do it on live TV. It's an ugly precedent to set for the country, you know? Especially, you know, when they try to justify it, I think, by looking at the rest of the world when they have elections and how that gets really violent in all these other parts of the world. And, you know, you remember when some leaders, I forget what countries it is, but somewhere in Europe the leaders get into fights with each other in their government offices.

Oh, yeah, they have fucking crazy gang fights. Yeah, there's one in some parliament or something like that. Was it in China? It might have been China or Korea. I think it was Korea because I saw the guy throw a kick. Oh, I think so. And they went nuts on each other. They started fucking kicking the shit out of each other.

And then there was one in Ukraine, remember? Oh, yeah. And Ukraine's not the place you want to do it. What if Vitaly Klitschko is running against him? Ukraine people, they're cut from a different cloth. All those people from that part of the world, there's something like extra strong about them you know the the just the the robustness of the people they're uh survivors fuck yeah man

it's cold as shit up there cold as shit and they were they were repressed for so many years yeah if you could take some dude who lives in siia some man and his wife from Siberia. Look at Ruslan Provodnikov He's exactly yeah. Yeah, he may not be the best at it, but he sure is the toughest at it Well, I wasn't Karelin from Siberia as well Alexander Karelin the wrestler I could not confirm or deny this. Do you know that is I do not dude Maybe the scariest guy of all time. In the history of Russian athletes, there's one guy who stands out. The only wrestling match he lost in the Olympics was to Rulon Gardner. I think that was the only in his entire amateur career.

And I might be wrong about that. But I know he lost to him in the Olympics. And the only reason why he lost to him was like some new rule where if you separated the hands, it would be a point. It was the first time that was ever in the Olympics. So if you're, because they're Greco-Roman. Do they have cable grip in Greco-Roman? They do a bunch of shit, but it's

mostly upper body grappling and collar ties. They don't shoot doubles. It's like, it's a different style of wrestling. And Carellon excelled at it. Because he was this freak specimen But he's from Siberia, but he was like six foot three three hundred pounds Just a ridiculous guy and there's a picture of him Hoisting this guy in the air and I have it in my gym

I just I stare at it all the time like if I ever if I ever take myself seriously this picture right here If I ever want to know and really truly understand what a pussy I am, I need to look at this picture of Corellon. He's gritting his teeth, and he's hoisting this guy up in the air. Dude, no mouth guard. Look at the size of his fucking quads. I mean, he was a freak. Giant calves.

He was a freak. And calves. He was a freak. And he fucking ragdolled dudes. How old is he now? Well, he's a wrestling coach now. I believe if I had to guess, I would say he's probably 50. I bet you Bellator will sign him. He almost went to MMA in the 1990s. How old is he?

49. So I'm close. He almost went into MMA in the 1990s. How old is he? 49. So I'm close. He almost went into MMA in the 1990s. It may have been the early 2000s. I think he was thinking about doing it. Because I know there were some offers. I feel like he did some pro wrestling thing. I think he might have done some fake wrestling thing, like for money or something like that.

But dude, he was a freak Just a freak And he would throw guys around in this really ridiculous way where they just they were like little children Because he was a big giant dude like look at the size of that motherfucker dude, but he was also really agile Like he's like these rolls that he could do these dives He was like so gentle in a lot of his movements, but freakishly strong so he had achieved this spectacular balance of incredible technique but ridiculous freakish human athletic ability

So he had like the combination of those things like look at his technique like everything is perfect, but he's also tremendously strong. Like, the Russian wrestling coaching. Look at that guy's face. Russian wrestling is incredibly technical. It's simple. While just the Eastern Bloc countries, like, they have a super high level of wrestling technical skill. Like, that's one of the reasons why George St. Pierre is so good,

because he was training with these Russian nationals that came over and lived in Montreal. That's where St. Pierre learned how to wrestle. Yeah, he has a solid base. Dude, he's incredible. Is he coming back? I don't know. He keeps thinking about it and talking about it.

I'm sure you've heard the rumors. Yeah, well, they're talking about like a super fight with Anderson. Yeah. I don't know. In Toronto. No one's told that to me. I have not heard that. I feel like...

I mean, I've heard it, but I've not heard it from a human. If I was George, and I was thinking right now, I think George St. Pierre is... I mean, there's only a small handful of people as famous in the world of MMA as a fighter as George St. Pierre.

There's Conor, who's the most famous. There's Ronda, who's right up there. Ronda and Conor are almost interchangeable in my eyes as far as how famous they are. Maybe more Conor because he's famous worldwide. I don't know, man. It's super close. I think Ronda affected her legacy by taking that year off.

Well, that doesn't matter. If she comes back with a storm, she beats Amanda Nunes and gets the belt, she's bigger than ever. It's a tough one. It's a very tough one. But if she does do it, she's bigger than ever. She's got that, whatever it is,

that dynamic personality that people get attracted to. And there's something about her losing and maybe even losing like that that could even make it more attractive to some folks. You know, it makes her more human, makes her more vulnerable. You know, one of the things that people didn't like about her was how confident and strong. She was very invincible at the time. Well, and she was also, like, really aggressive about it with other girls.

But, you know, in her eyes, those girls are trying to take something from her. Well, she was the Mike Tyson of MMA. Yeah, that's the only way you get to be a champion is if you have that insane belief in yourself. But when you lose the way she lost to Holly, which is a devastating knockout, it's always interesting to see how someone rebounds. Some people rebound, they become better. They come back tougher and stronger. That's what we're hoping for. That's what you're hoping for.

Or some people come back, they fight smarter. That was George St. Pierre. When George St. Pierre got beaten up by Matt Serra, Matt Serra clobbered him. Just clobbered him. Clipped him, hurt him, got on top of him, mounted him, punched him in the face, made him tap. He beat the shit out of him. And George came back

better than ever. He just regrouped. But George also didn't take a year off in between there. It's true. And he didn't get on TV and, you know. No, for sure. George is a different person, for sure. I love Rhonda, but I just I'm hoping, you know, for her.

I'm a big fan of taking a long time off when you get knocked out. I get that. I understand that. I think it's real important. It is very important. However, what you do in that time and get that. I understand that. I think it's real important. It is very important. However, what you do in that time and how you present yourself

in that time is also important. Well, she didn't really do much. She kind of laid low. You know? She may have laid a little too low. Nah. Nah, I don't think so.

I see your point, but I disagree. I think she can do whatever the fuck she wants. You know? I mean, I don't know that it really affected her brand so much. You sound like a marketing genius.

That's what I'm just thinking about. Dude, you should have a startup. We should have a startup together. Let's do it. What do you want to do? Weed for people who don't do weed? What do you think is wrong with taking a year off? Nothing's wrong with taking a year off, but you know that Ellen interview where she was talking about contemplating suicide?

Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. I mean, that Ellen interview where she was talking about contemplating suicide. Yeah. Forgot about that. I mean, I think those are the things that showed the mental makeup and that's where I think that's, what's put the doubt in everybody's mind. Now, if I had to do a Brendan shop right now, I would say for sure. Don't do your first interview with Ellen on TV. Yeah. And cry.

Yeah. I don't know, man. Like I think, I think those, those TV formats, although I've done them and I enjoyed them, when you do those things, you can't be yourself in seven minutes. It's not enough time. It's too weird. Especially if they don't know you. And the people you're talking to don't know you.

There's a giant crowd of people and there's lights that say applause and there's a guy who like... Yeah. The clapping instead of laughing. They had a warm-up guy who walks around. Come on, guys. We're going live. We're coming back live.

You guys are super excited. We're excited to have you. Thanks for all your enthusiasm. We really appreciate it. I'm just going to need it. Let's just 10% more, folks. Come on. We can do this.

Take whatever you got and add 30 to it. Now, Rhonda, tell us about your head trauma and all this. I mean, it's like, it's bizarre. It's bizarre. It's a bizarre way

to talk to people. I think what she should have done was talk to somebody in the fight game. It would have been, it would have been received a little bit better because then she would have been

speaking to somebody knowledgeable about. Yeah. Well, you know what, man, she can do whatever she wants to do. I don't know what was going on in her head during that time,

but I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a year off, getting your head together. And she also had some injuries she had to take care of. Do you think she should have changed her training camp? I don't know what she's doing, honestly. Word on the street is she's still right back at Glendale Fight Club. Listen, whether or not that guy, Edmund, has had success with

some of his students, or what issues they've had, you can't deny that he's worked wonders with her hands. Her striking ability, when she was warming up for that Betch Cohea fight, and they were in Brazil, they were on the sand, and they're doing these pad drills together.

She looked fantastic, right? You look at her when she first started striking. You look at it until now. A big percentage of that is those two working together. So there's no denying there's some merit to what he does, unquestionably. He's definitely helping her. You would have to examine the whole camp like a scientist. You'd have to sit down.

To do this right, like you got a world-class, world-championship-level racehorse in a woman like Ronda Rousey, right? Or any fighter for that matter. And if you were the overseer, if you were someone who could say, okay, what is the best course of this thing? Like how do you – well, you have to address technical issues. You got to address psychological issues. You got to address comfort, nutrition, all these different things. You'd say, okay, technically, what are we trying to achieve? Victory, right?

Like, what is her best options? Like, is she training with the best kind of sparring partners? And the thing is, you don't fucking know. Like, one person could do it one way and be super successful, then everybody says, well, that's the way to do it. You don't spar, and you only do drills, and then you ride bikes. That's what Donald Cerrone's been doing.

Or you could go the Eddie Alvarez route, right? Eddie Alvarez sparred like 150 rounds preparing for Rafael Dos Anjos. So he went the other route. He just said, we're going fucking crazy. We're going to go old school. Crazy. We're going to go in there and brawl

and just be completely prepared to fight. He doesn't continuously train without sparring, does he? Yes. How long has he been doing that? Since the fight with Dos Anjos. He was talking about it. He said, you take too much punishment in the gym. He's like, you're taking too much punishment in sparring.

And he had some issues where, i think he said he closed his eyes and the equilibrium was given out he was falling and he's like what the fuck he realized it was he found out later was an inner ear issue i think it was right like a like a vertigo type thing oh it was a nose clogging one that had affected his inner ear. I think it was like an infection in some way. But so he decided, let's just do drills. I know how to fight. And he's had incredible results. So I think some other guys are doing that too.

And the frequency that Cerrone fights at as well. He can probably get by without doing that because he's in the ring enough where he doesn't need to be in the ring extra i think you're right i think there's that too it's like there's a comfortable balance and it's probably one of the reasons why he likes to fight so much he's probably he's easily the most active fighter in the game he definitely tries to be yeah but the problem also is like right now like setting up the right fight for a guy like him it's probably not that easy you know I mean he's always ready well he's always ready and but setting up a fight for him is like you know it's a high-profile fight but it's also a dangerous fight so you gotta say okay which who do you set him up with because

after you see what he did to Rick story you go holy shit like Donald at 170 is like some new thing yeah he's a new thing like He's way healthier. It's just, it kills me to think that guy was starving himself for all those years. He's a big dude. He's not small. But at 155, he just didn't have the durability. And at 170, god damn, he's looking good.

It's amazing. It's a crazy sport, isn't it? I love it. I love being there at those things. And, you know, when you get to know the fighters and stuff and you hear a little inside talk and it's always interesting, you know. I know it is, man. Because, you know, you realize when you meet them and you talk to them that they're just guys doing a job. They're not looking at it as, I just want to be the toughest guy in the world.

They're like, I got to get more money out of this. Well, there's definitely that aspect of it, but there's also the guys that just want to go in there and be the toughest guy in the world as well. Those are usually the new guys. Sometimes, yeah. The older guys are like, look, I already know I'm tough, and everybody else knows I'm tough.

Now I've got to monetize this. Yeah, there's so many factors at play when it comes to fighting. There's genetics, which play a giant role. There's certain guys that are just built better for it. They just got a lucky roll of the dice. And they have better, just the design of their body's better. Their shape is better. It works better.

They can hit you harder. Their jaw's bigger. They can take more punishment. They got genetics on their side. Yeah, there's always going to be guys like that. So you're seeing guys like that now, but then you're seeing the mental aspect of it. How many guys have mental coaches now and hypnotists and shit? It's such a weird game now.

Dude, it's interesting. Any fight sport now is very different than it was. In the 80s, when I was training boxing, there was no nutrition. There was no... Yeah. I think I might have said it before. My code get to the gym my coach be like go run and I'm like yeah I just want to box he's like no gotta go run and then I would like all right and go I go where do I run to and he goes run up to you know Torbram and and and seven and come back and I'm like all right and right at that intersection was a McDonald's, just a little bit down.

So I would run to the McDonald's and get a milkshake, and then I would walk back. Because I made sure I ran there as fast as I could. To get a milkshake. I could walk back. And then I would run maybe in the last half. So I would be sweating and a little bit out of breath when I got there.

What do you think about this Amanda Nunes-Ronda Rousey fight? Amanda's a, dude, she's a beast. She's badass. She is badass. I mean, I would feel more comfortable if she was coming back against Misha or even a rematch against Holly, but Amanda scares me, dude. Before Holly knocked out Ronda, I had said that I just thought Holly Holm needed more fights in the UFC, more people to know who she is.

I'm like, and I think Amanda Nunes is a more dangerous fight because Amanda Nunes is a black belt in jiu-jitsu. And she hits fucking hard, man. She looks like she hits like a dude. Yeah, she hits so much harder than most of the women in that division. She's super aggressive. She's got shorter arms and she looks like she can crank. You know, this whole Cyborg thing. You know, everybody

wants Cyborg to fight in the UFC and they're trying to set up a fight with Ronda. I would like Cyborg to fight Nunes. Yeah, I was just thinking that. That'd be a much better fight in my eyes. She's got to pack on some weight. The thing about Cyborg is she struggles to get to 40.

She's so drained when she gets to 40 drained is there a weight class above that there should be there should be a 145 yeah or even they should just give her the title at 145 who is denying that she's the toughest 145 pound woman on the planet who's denying that yeah there's no one i think there's a shit ton of fights waiting to happen at 145 150 even when victor has a whole 145 pound division a bunch of them were messaging me they were tweeting at me after we were talking about bring this still around yeah the ufc owns it they do i think they or the own part of it or something or it's on fight pass or something along those lines. But yeah, man, she's a destroyer. Cyborg is a destroyer.

She's so terrifying. Watch the way she attacks these chicks. That's the 145-pound world champion. And she looks like Mickey Rourke. I think she's a little prettier than Mickey Rourke, bro. You're being rude. I meant the lips. I can't take this.

I can't take this. I'm going to tweet to her after and apologize. Apologize now. Because I don't want Cyborg kicking the shit out of me. But what's interesting is I wonder if there's a 55. Is there a 55-pound division to be had? I think maybe one. I'd go up to 148, 150 at the most, I would say.

Hmm. I wonder. 148 150 at the most i would say hmm i wonder because you know i think cyborgs one of her coaches was saying that if um you really gave her the right division would be 155 like that would be the division where she would feel the healthiest because i think she walks around at like 170 something probably she's but she's all muscled you know it's not like she's not walking around like me she's walking around all muscle yeah Yeah, she's yoked. Yeah. But Amanda Nunes is not that big. She's not as big as her.

No. So that would be, you know, wouldn't be the wisest fight. Because Amanda Nunes is like a legitimate 135-pounder. But she's a 135-pounder that hits like a dude. And she's very solidly built. She's very, it's all very compact. Did you see her fight with kat zingano i did not do you see how fucking ferocious kat zingano is because she had kat zingano hurt in the first round and she was getting beat up like real bad the first round was real bad for kat and uh she made it out of that round. She stopped her in either the second

or the third. I can't really remember. See if you can remember that. You don't remember it. I want to say she stopped her in the third. But it was just this brutal fucking exchange. She eventually beat Amanda Nunes. Kat Zingano's also knocked out

Misha Tate. People forget about that. Kat Zingano's a beast. Misha Tate. People forget about that. Kat Zingano's a beast. What's that? Third round TKO. Third round TKO. So Kat stopped Amanda in third round. Yeah, but the first round, dude, she had to survive. She was getting beat the fuck up.

And that's all stand-up. Well, I think she got cracked in the stand-up, and I think most of it was ground and pound on the ground, if I remember correctly. But Amanda's just, as far as like her punches from the outside, she's got amazing snap. Like she really knows how to be in the right position. And she drops full like snapping punches on girls. Like she really turns her knuckles over. She knows her distance.

Oh, dude, she cracks people. She cracks Sarah McMahon. You see that fight? I did not. Dude. turns she knows she knows her distance oh dude she she cracks people she cracks sarah mcmahon you see that fight i did not dude you know a lot of times i catch i i jump in somewhere right around three fights before the main event or two fights before the main event yeah you're one of those cool guys no i watch the prelims and then i get fucked up when i have to change a channel because i'm like where did it go? How am I finding this? Yeah, when you're there live, though, do you go for the whole event? I do. I do get there very early.

Yeah. The live event is a different animal, right? Everybody should see a UFC live once. I always try and get your attention, but I'm always on the wrong side of the octagon. Just come over and grab me, man. Oh, that'll stop me, sir. You can't go this way. And I'm like, all right.

Well, next time, come with me. I'll hook it up. I see the seats. I see the seats you get. And I'm like, all right. Well, next time, come with me. I'll hook it up. I see the seats. I see the seats you get. And I'm like, where are you? And they're like, oh, I'm with Joe. And I'm like, fuck, that's a good seat. You can do that.

We can do that. We'll hook it up. How about Toronto? I'm in. You going to be there for that one? What is it, December 10th? Something like that. I'm doing a show with Big Jay Oakerson.

I love Jay. At Massey Hall. Can I host it? Fuck yeah. That's it. Russell Peters, Big Jay,erson. I love Jay. At Massey Hall. Can I host it? Fuck yeah. That's it. Russell Peters, Big Jay, and me. You heard it here, folks. I'll host that.

I'll host the shit out of that. It's like December 9th or whatever it is, the day before the UFC. Fucking double talking. Tickets are not on sale yet. They'll be on sale like in a week. December. Yeah, that'll be fun, dude. The three of us, that'll be a good old time.

Hell yeah. That'll be real fun. But The three of us, that'd be a good old time. Hell yeah. That'd be real fun. But what were we just talking about? Oh, the Amanda Nunes, Ronda Rousey fight. If Ronda gets her to the ground, man, it could get super interesting. I would just like to see one tune-up fight. No, no tune-up fights. This is not boxing.

The UFC doesn't give tune-up fights. No, they don-up fights. This is not boxing. The UFC doesn't give tune-up fights. No, they don't. Fuck. It's just mountain after mountain. You know what I will say, though, that the women have proven to have far more resilience than the men a lot of times. They're just fucking their willingness to not tap and their willingness to get in there and scrap it out. I prefer to not compare them gender to gender because I'm not one of those people.

So I just want to let you know that. I just objectified them in my own little way, guys. I think, I mean, no need to even compare them to the men. What I'll say is there's amazing athletes and amazing champions in both the men and the women's division legitimately now. Like there's no denying that there's world-class talent, but there's also no denying that the highest levels of male talent,

there's a bigger pool. But that's natural because there's more men that are interested in competing in MMA than women. Primarily a male-dominated sport. Yeah, but the women's side is growing, and you're getting a lot of really high-level Muay Thai fighters like Valentina Shevchenko, who's a multiple-time world champion, who comes over and now she's fighting.

And she just beat Holly Holm. She beat Holly Holm. And she really outclassed her with stand-up. That was a big aspect of that fight. I did see that. And that was a big shock for me. I thought Holly would outbox her. No, Valentina's nasty, dude.

She's got that beautiful check-right hook. And she's Valentina's nasty, dude. She's got that beautiful check right hook and she's real sneaky with her leg kicks. She's got excellent timing. She's a really dangerous fighter for anybody in that division because if you can't take her to the ground it's highly unlikely that you're going to stand with her and not get cracked. You're going to start getting real

apprehensive about your movements because she throws that beautiful check right hook, or at least she did with Holly. She counters well. Dude, she's just a real high-level striker. And if you can't get her to the ground, and even if you can get her to the ground, she's been working on her ground game, and she's very strong. So there's

that fight right there. Isn't she due for a title shot, though? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, she is, I'm sure. She's fighting Misha. No, who the fuck is she fighting? She is fighting Misha, I'm sure. She's fighting Misha. No, who the fuck is she fighting? She is fighting Misha, I think. Misha's fighting somebody in Madison. No, Misha's fighting Rochelle Pennington.

Oh. Yeah, Raquel Pennington and Misha are fighting. In New York? In New York City, yeah. Raquel Pennington's another one. She doesn't get enough respect. She's dangerous. Super aggressive, really good timing

really good timing with her hands are you doing those ones yeah the massacre garden one for sure msg new york new year's eve oh yeah yeah like for me like a fight like the misha tate hollyholm fight that's about as exciting a fight as you're ever gonna say exciting fight as exciting a fight as you'll ever see and the fact that there was a round in there where not much was happening, a round or so where not much was happening, where Holly was trying to avoid Misha and just was just striking on the outside, that

made the ending even more spectacular. Like, the lull in that actually made the fight better in the end. Because it looked like Holly was going to cruise to a victory. And out of nowhere. And then Misha dug deep but uh one of my all-time favorite moments yep and then fucking holly not did not fuck she's like fuck you i'm not tapping she went to sleep throwing punches oh my god and it looked

like one of those puppets you know the one gangster so gangster the whole the whole the whole fight so gangster and that was in the same card where nate dsb connor i mean that was that was one of the main reasons why i decided to stay doing commentary that card because i was on the fence i was like we should just stop doing it and then just devote more time were you offered the bisping hendo fight no i told him i'm not doing the ones that are overseas that's such a good fight. It was amazing. I enjoyed it.

I watched it at home. I watched it here. We watched it here. We did a fight companion. Did part of you wish you could have been there to commentate that one? Nah.

I mean, the fight companions are great, but I'm saying. No, no. I just think you would have added. I think Brian Stan's awesome. I think Brian Stan's great. He takes a lot of shit from people

that just don't like things that are different or they just pick a side or something like that, but I love his commentary. I like Brian Stann's great. He takes a lot of shit from people that just don't like things that are different or they just pick a side or something like that. But I love his commentary. I like Brian. I like Kenny. I like everybody doing it. But, you know, you're that thing. Yeah, but they could be that thing, too.

You know who's really good is Dominic Cruz. Dominic Cruz is very good. Very good, especially from the technical aspect. And so is Daniel Cormier. Yeah, I do like both of them when they do it on for Cormier's also spent so much time doing the behind the desk stuff now that he's gotten real comfortable with with expressing himself and like poetic and interesting ways you know like his like when he's describing fights and fight he gets hyped up about it's got

great emotion to it yeah it's entertaining as well as it is for my thing Anthony soon. Yeah, he's fighting rumble rematch The rumble man's coming so scary. He is a very scary scary I've seen at the fights this in the audience and I smiled because I acknowledge like hey man I mean yeah, he did not fucking smile bad bad motherfucker that run. It wasn't like I hate you It was just like fuck you smiling. No. He's a bad motherfucker, that Rumble. But it wasn't like I hate you. It was just like, fuck, he's smiling at. No, he's a good guy, man. Rumble's a good guy.

He's a very good guy. I don't know him like that, but I gave him a smile and a nod, and I got a... It's almost like he's got different kind of bones. Like, everybody else has bones that are made out of bones. He reminds me of Bruce Seldon, the way he looks. No. Yeah, like his face. No.

I don't know why. I just look at him and i pick all his picture bruce selden that's weird maybe he was kind of a racist no absolutely you know i'm a racist of course i am i hate everybody no well rumble is a unique specimen it's just so hard to believe that he was a 170 pounder for so long and he was killing himself to make that 170 goes up to 205 and is one of the scariest guys ever yeah he's one of the scariest guys of all time i don't even know how he made 170 how the fuck did he make 170 i don't know that that's a young man's thing there's anthony yeah he doesn't look anything like bruce ion. Get a shot of Bruce Seldon. Let's see.

Maybe not that picture. Not at all. You're racist. I'm not kidding. There's a picture of Bruce Seldon where he looks really dark and that's not it. Look at that picture up there on the right. See the one where he's wearing the red and white trunks? Oh, okay.

No, you're racist. That's me, okay. No, you're racist. That's me, guys. But we got to remember, Rumble survived that storm the first time. You know, the first fight that Rumble and DC had. Cormier survived. Cormier survived that storm and then put his own storm on Rumble. You know? Cormier is such a world-class wrestler.

And his sparring partner is fucking Cain Velasquez so and the other one is Luke Rockhold so on a daily he's sparring with those fucking guys and they go hard in the AK and he's arguably one of the best wrestlers to ever compete in MMA there's like a handful of guys you look at as being in contention for being the best wrestler to ever compete in MMA Henry Cejjudo, of course, Olympic gold medalist. There's a few guys, but Cormier's in that mix. He's in the mix. I mean, they all give each other something else.

Yep. And I think that fucking AKA camp where it's him and Kane and they're just smashing heads together all the time. You know, it's funny. When I'm up in Northern Cali, I'll call whoever and I'm like, Hey, I'm out here. And they're like, Do together all the time. You know, it's funny. When I'm up in Northern Cali, I'll call whoever. And I'm like, hey, I'm out here. And they're like, do you want to come train? And I'm like, no, no.

They're like, do you want to come train at AK? No. Thanks. I'll call Gil. And he's like, do you want to come by Scrap Pack and train? And I'm like, no, I'm good, buddy. Fuck all that. I'm like, yeah, my level is not anywhere near anybody's level.

Yeah, I'm just trying to get someone to hold pads. Yeah, I'm a 46-year-old man. I'm a chubby fucking Indian guy, I'm just trying to get someone to hold pads. Yeah, I'm a 46-year-old man. I'm a chubby fucking Indian guy. I'm not trying to... It's fun to be around those places, though. Yeah, that's what does you in. You go in, you see everybody, you go, yeah, I'm not built for this.

I'm a hobbyist. These guys are lifers. You have to have the most insane dedication, I think, for any athletic endeavor. I think below 40, and I would have gone and trained with them, but I didn't know them then. Well, it's just a weird thing to dabble in. Like dabbling in MMA, you really can't do it.

You have to be, unless you're some freak athlete, there's always exceptions. There's always people that just have ridiculous, like apparently that's what John Jones was for the longest time before he moved to Albuquerque. He would take time off and go back to New York and, you know, train some out there, but not train with anybody like the people he's training with, you know, before his fights. Everybody's out there in Albuquerque now training. Yeah. Well, he moved there. And then once he moved there, I mean, I think everything went up to the next level.

But he was a guy that could take all that time off, come back and still fuck everybody up. Just, just a freak athlete. Is he coming back? Did they lift his ban or? I don't know, man. I don't think they sentenced him. I don't know if he got sentenced. They sentenced Connor $150,000 for a fucking water bottle. Yeah. That seemed a little excessive. Yeah. Tiny bit, huh? Why'd they do that? It's not like he's a habitual bottle thrower that, you know, like, we are finally punishing you for this. Yeah, I'm sick of all that bottle throwing, bro. It is a stupid thing to do, though. It was, uh... It's, I mean, well, come on.

Do you really think he was going to hit him? You know? It's too far away. It wasn't... I thought it was just hype for the fight, you know? Yeah, it is just hype for the fight. And, you know, it's not like he threw a glass bottle. He threw a fucking water bottle.

He refuses to fight in Las Vegas after a $150,000 fine. That's fair enough. Well, it's a good thing to get the Vegas people to recognize there's consequences to this. But the UFC is so big right now, they sell out no matter who's fighting. And community service. Yeah, these 50 hours of community service. Wow, 50 hours is a real week. It's a week worth of work.

The fuck's he got to do? Yeah, I don't know. That's fucking ridiculous. Well, you know, they're flexing. People, they like flexing. They really shouldn't have thrown water bottles at each other or monster energy drinks or whatever they did. That shit's stupid.

You're going to fight eventually and throw things at each other. You know, you get a little amped up. They're young kids, you know. But ultimately I think the $150,000 fine is worth it for them. The amount of money that they all made, that everybody made. You know, so the government, the Athletic Commission

gets to step in, slap them a little bit, take a little cash, make a stink out of it. They get to protest it. But the fact is that that press conference where he threw that water bottle at Nate Diaz is probably worth $400,000 as far as profit. How many more people got hyped up for it? People love a fight at a press conference.

They love when someone throws. Don't do it, folks. If you're listening, Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier, that was one of the reasons why that fight became such a big deal is because at the face-off... But did they have to pay any fines after that? Fuck yeah, they did.

Yeah, they did. $950,000 worth of fines. I don't know how much they paid. Maybe that's what the problem is. Maybe they want to discourage anybody from doing this further. Maybe they want to say, look... But it's as old as any fight game is.

And it's also real. Yeah, it's not... Like, the Jon Jones one in particular was fucking real. When Daniel put his hand on Jon's neck and pushed him back, Jon was like, fuck that. That's just not happening.

He didn't give a shit if there was a million people around. He was only fined $50,000. Yeah. So Jon was fined $50,000 and was ordered to complete 40 hours of community service and Cormier was fined $9,000 in order to complete 20 hours of community service.

So they made a distinction that Cormier was less guilty than John. But Cormier touched him first. Did he? Yeah, he grabbed his neck and pushed him back because John got face-to-face with him and touched faces with him. The fines constituted 10% of each fighter's respective purse for the January 3rd fight. Wow, that doesn't even make sense.

That's how little they made? Does that really make sense? 90 grand, really, for the title fight? That sounds crazy. I don't know what their deal is because they get paid and then they have a reported pay and then they have like a reported pay. And then they have a different pay, like percentage of pay-per-view and a bunch of different stuff. But they always show it in the papers.

They don't show locker room bonuses. I don't know what that means. They do show that. Don't get mad at me. They show it where? If you go to Yahoo News, it tells you the whole purse breakdowns for everybody. And then the bonus for the nightly bonus and the percentage bonus. No, they do performance of the night bonuses.

They make that public. But they also do some weird locker room bonus thing. Oh, I don't know about that. I don't know what the fuck that's all about. What did they just find? It's a private company is the point. Didn't they just find Roy as well? Yeah, they're going to find him.

What did you just put up? His Jones attorney was arguing that they shouldn't be paying off a percentage of their purses. And Cormier is scheduled to make a base pay of $90,000 for the fight and also a possible $90,000 win bonus. Hmm. That just seems like a really low amount. It feels like that's not right. It's 10%. I know, but it's so low to be fighting for the world title.

It seems wrong. I mean, it seems incorrect. It seems wrong, too, right? It's always seemed wrong to me. At the highest levels, those guys are making some serious cash now. What's interesting is how many people are going to reach that level. And what you're seeing is a lot of people that are trying to sort of generate public interest the same way connor's done so there's like guys who really never really trash talked before who

are really in a trash talk yeah they're not good at it but it's it's awkward and it's uncomfortable and here's the thing is it's if you were if you're a conor mcgregor and it comes natural and that's what you do and that's one thing but if you're like you've got a strategy and your strategy is to be the controversial guy and you're gonna get everybody to pay attention to you like well that's one thing. But if you're like, you've got a strategy and your strategy is to be the controversial guy and you're going to get everybody to pay attention to you. Like, well, that's a lot of work, man. I mean, Nate is what Nate is. Yeah, exactly. So on one hand, it's also not what martial arts are at their best. at their best like at the very best they're two guys who want to compete and test themselves against each other at the very highest level right and when we think of a martial artist

we don't think of some dude who's insulting someone and spitting at him and yeah water bottles they're trying to take the thug aspect out of it which is fair well you think when you think because you know when you think back to it, it was always Bruce Lee. Everybody was inspecting and bowing and, you know. Yeah. Now it's just, you know, a lot of meatheads who know how to fight, you know. There's definitely that, too. But to achieve the level of, like, a world-class level, like, you have to have so much control over who you are.

control over who you are. You have to be able to figure out where all your personality pitfalls are and soothe out all the bullshit in your life and concentrate on the work. It's such a weird sport, man. There's no sport that carries the consequences of loss like MMA does. Boxing as well, I would say.

Boxing's pretty close. But MMA, like... I think in MMA you can have a loss and still come back and it doesn't affect you that much. You think it does in boxing? In boxing, because, you know, it's so fucking shady in boxing. Oh, he lost. No good. We need somebody else. An undefeated record in boxing means a lot more than it does in MMA. Well, there's only been a few, right?

Right. That's what everybody strives for. They strive for that Gennady Golovkin, you know, perfect undefeated record as they go into the big fight, you know? But that didn't harm Canelo. I think Canelo's stock rose in the Floyd Mayweather fight yeah cuz he was so young mm-hmm and I honest I was at that fight as a matter of fact and I think that Floyd could have stopped Canelo in that fight if he really wanted to you think so yeah he was just hitting

him at will and you could see Canelo going back I mean all he had to do is put a little bit more pressure on him. But I think Floyd, being somewhat compassionate, was like, eh, if I stop this kid, it might ruin his career. Wow, you really think that? I think that. Wow, that's an interesting way of looking at it. I didn't think that. I thought he's not taking any chances.

He's boxing smart, and Canelo can still pop. And he carries that pop late into the fight. He's dangerous. So if Floyd opened up to try to really hurt him and stop him, he ran the risk of being countered. Canelo's a master. Canelo's not as fast as Floyd, but his timing's really good. It is.

But at that time, he was still very green. No, for sure. And Floyd really was in the zone in that fight. He was just hitting him. Pop, pop, pop, pop. And then he would hit, crank a right hand on him. You see Canelo go back a little bit. You know, I think Canelo's chin's a little overrated. Really?

We saw that when, who the fuck knocked him down in the first or second round in that one fight. Yeah, somebody knocked him down fairly recently, right? No, maybe about around. Four or five fights ago? Maybe about three, four years ago. Yeah. He was a younger Canelo then, but do you know what I'm talking about?

No, I definitely don't think he has a bad chin, but anybody can get knocked down, especially early in your career. Especially aggressive guys. I've also heard that Canelo sparred with Golovkin before. Oh, yeah? And then Golovkin beat the piss out of him in sparring, and that's why he's... Saying no thanks.

Yeah. Not interested in that fight. I think he's just trying to sharpen up his skill set before he gets back in there with him. Yeah, man. I don't know how much... I mean, Triple G knocked down Kovalev in sparring. Did he? Mm-hmm.

I had heard that. Yeah, even Kovalev said it. He goes, you know, he hits really hard. He goes, I wasn't prepared that day. Wow. He said they're also very good friends as well. Golovkin's a scary guy because he looks like some cute little boy band. Yeah, he does not look like he can. He doesn't even look like he throws with power.

He looks like he's from a Russian boy band. Yeah. Right? He's so cute. He's just so goofy, you know? Yeah, he's adorable. And if you look at his body, it's not the scariest body. It's just not chiseled.

It's just he's a thin guy. Yeah, like you see Rumble knocking people out. You look at his body, you go, well, that makes sense, you know? You see Golovkin knocking people out, and you go, wow, where's all that coming from? I don't. He doesn't have huge legs. He doesn't have particularly big traps. He's got flawless.

Yeah, look at him there. He's got flawless technique, though. Flawless. He had over 300 amateur fights. Yeah, he's so aggressive, too. He's so aggressive, and he keeps a pace on guys. That's very difficult to handle. And he also, you know, people go, oh, he's beatable beatable i'm like i just think he does things for

the fight game like i know i can knock you out i'm just gonna let you i'm gonna extend this a little bit just to give people a yeah it's always says it too but you see him do it you can see like he basically just you know i'm gonna get i'm gonna make it look like i got it comfortable with you but you know at any point he's like all right good night good night you know and he could do it at any point well he definitely if he wants to risk getting hit but he bleeds guys you know he saps them he's a left hooker to the body you know he stays on guys with combinations and he's always pressing forward like you never you never rest with that guy yeah he doesn't he doesn't move back very yeah it's a really interesting style. Because another guy who's got a crazy style like that is Vasily Lomachenko.

Oh, Lomachenko's probably one of the best fighters in the game right now. It's insane. He's fighting Nicky Walters. Is that his name? I don't know who he's fighting. Nicky Walters, the Jamaican kid. Yeah. That's going to be a good fight.

Well, he's another guy that, like, if you wanted to see beautiful technical movement and defensive movement in boxing. When I was training with Arizo, we would go to train at Robert Garcia's gym. Oh, yeah? And Lomachenko would be there every now and then. There he is. Like, look at this. He's a little guy, too. He's just standing right in front of people, beating them up, and slipping everything they throw at him.

God, he's so good. Slick and accurate. Look at that. Moves just enough. Mm- everything they throw at him. God, he's so good. Slick and accurate. Look at that. Moves just enough. Look at this. Knowing exactly what's coming and when. Damn. He's a really interesting fighter as well because he's so hard to hit, but he's also so aggressive.

It's weird. Like, that's not. Hands down. Look at that. Hands down. But he's lost in boxing and pro boxing. Yeah, he lost that Mexican dude fucks his name Hoodie moves to lose to old old warrior veteran Solis

Omar Solis Orlando Orlando Solito, that's right. Salido's a warrior, too. Yeah. A guy who's been around forever. Yeah, there it is. Nicky Walter. That's who he's fighting next? Yeah, Nicholas Walters.

Well, he's definitely putting some attention on these lighter divisions. But it was a split decision. So, I mean, you know, whenever it's a split decision, you could be like, could have gone either way. Yeah, it was apparently a crazy war and he wants to fight him again. Do you think Hendo Bisping should have been a draw or a split decision? I think the scoring system sucks. Yeah. Some people said that that first round wasn't a 10-8 round.

That was more than a 10-8. That might have been a fucking 10-7 round. It's definitely a 10-8 for sure because he knocked him down. He had him rocked. He was standing on top of it. And-8, for sure, because he knocked him down. He had him rocked. He was standing on top of it. And Bisping survived, for sure. I mean, Bisping showed true grit. He got through that.

He pressed on. But he was in a world of shit, and I think he would admit it. His face shows it. I mean, he's all beat up. So that's a significant round. And then there was another round where Hendo knocked him down again, right? Yep. So that was the second or third.

It's hard to tell, man. But the other thing that balanced that out was that Bisping was way more active. And you've got to take that into account. It's not like Bisping was landing all those shots and attacking because Hendo let him. No, it's because he was imposing his game on Henderson. The question is, like, is Henderson's game more impactful? Well, maybe, but there's less impacts. Okay, well, what about damage?

Well, damage-wise, Hendo was way ahead. This guy gave Bisping the first round? Who did? The first judge, White. No fucking way. Yeah, look. The first round is the top row. This is the second round right here. Oh. Okay, White. No fucking way. Yeah, look. The first round is the top row. This is the second round right here.

Oh. Okay, okay. But the second round... But look, even that guy gave the first... Okay. He still gave it to him. Oh, okay. The only round they gave Henderson was the second round, these two judges.

So he made the first... The first two rounds. He made the first round a 10-9. 10-9, 10-9. They all made it a 10-9. They all made it a 10-9. They all made it a 10-9. See, that's not smart. That's not smart.

That's not right. The minute there's a knockdown like that, it's got to be a 10-8 round. It's not just a knockdown. Like, a knockdown in boxing makes a 10-10 round, a 10-9 round, or a 10-8 round. Yeah. Like, if they're evened up, it'll make it a 9-9 round. But for the most part, it's a 10-8 round, right? Yeah. A guy knocks a guy down.

You knock a guy down. First you won the round, then you got the knockdown. But it's a fact. There's no facts in MMA when it comes to that. There's no one thing that happens where you definitely take a point off. We know that with boxing, right? Well, with MMA, that wasn't just a knockdown. There was a knockdown and then followed by some fucking ferocious hair-raising ground and pound.

He got elbowed. He got punched. He got beat up. He got out of there. His face is bleeding. His eye was closed. You can't say that wasn't close to being stopped. Yeah, you've got to be on the brink of being stopped.

So that round I disagree with across the board. And then it's trying to figure out who won the other rounds there was the other one where Hendo heard him well what round was that was it the second round that he heard him again I think so right yeah the second round he heard him again and then do you have to argue about the fourth and the fifth rounds you have to figure out who won those it's uh it was a close fight but i could see i could see the way uh many people thought that bisping landed more and even though they weren't as impactful you have to you have to add that up against the lower volume but more power by henderson well it's about effectiveness right yeah well henderson at the end of the fight looked like he just got done sparring yeah and but more power by Henderson. Well, it's about effectiveness, right? Yeah.

Well, Henderson at the end of the fight looked like he just got done sparring. Yeah. And Bisping looked like he just got done with a fight with Henderson. Yeah. You know? That's really what it looked like. He went through five rounds

with one of the toughest fucking guys ever. The question is, who won it? I think the system's flawed. I could see under the system that we have today that Bisping won that fight. I could see it by volume. I could see it as a draw. I could see it as a fair draw. I could see that, too.

And that would have been a very fair outcome. I could see that, too. Because I don't think Bisping did enough to beat Dan, and I don't think Dan did enough to beat Bisping. That's a good argument. It's a real good argument. And I think if there's ever a fight where you could say a draw might be justified, that's one. If you look online, like people think Bisping won versus people think Henderson won, it's pretty much split down the middle, except English people.

Of course. Even American people. There's a lot of American people that think Bisping won. So it's a flawed system. people that think Bisping won. So, uh, it's it's a flawed system. The system of judging is not good. He's got a six month, uh, what's it called? Medical suspension? Yeah.

Yeah. That ain't good for you. That's a long one. Yeah, well, they looked at that fighting and went, settle down. Let's everybody relax for a little while. You just went to war with a fucking meat machine. Like a cleaver who was it kung was telling me that uh henderson and we're hanging out and henderson just punched him like as a joke because he hits so fucking hard yeah i'm sure it was like wow what the fuck

dude i don't think it makes sense he's just got one of those weird frames there's some people that just have power that just doesn't make any sense yeah yeah there's like regular power and then you know there's that henderson thing that rumble thing yeah i need to step in and crank the right way in order to get power i don't have that just i'm gonna hit you and you're gonna feel power it's do you know who's got it it's scary that john lineker kid that little guy he used to fight at 125 and now uh he's fighting he fought at 135 in his last fight but missed weight and beat john dodson and that's a really close decision but he's uh he's got that weird spooky power even for a little guy for a 135 it's kind of rare there's little guys that have some heavy hands he's got the heaviest it's the heaviest i've ever seen in this division

he's a clobberer he just gets guys up against the cage and just clobbers them. And it's one of those things where when they feel the power the first time, you can see it in their eyes. They're like, holy shit. It's like when Golovkin hits somebody. You see it in their face immediately. I've never seen people wince until they got hit by him. Yeah.

He's something special for sure. People, every time they get hit, you look at their face. Oh, what the fuck? Do you know his boxing fights don't have much pay-per-view buys, though? Yeah, because he's not, you know. That's crazy to me, though. He's so exciting. He's exciting, but they're, you know, he's with Tom Loeffler.

Who's Tom Loeffler? That's his promoter. Does his promoter fuck up? No, it's just that Tom Loeffler does not have the connections, I think, that Bob Arum or fucking... Floyd Mayweather. Yeah, what's his name there? Al Heyman has. Well, Golden Boy, right?

Golden Boy and Oscar De La Hoya. But Al Heyman's the guy, really, who's got all the connects. And I like how they take in fighters there, too. Like Bernard Hopkins is one of the partners over there. And they seem to do a good job. they take in fighters there too. Like Bernard Hopkins is one of the partners over there. And it's, uh, they seem to do a good job. What's a crazy thing though,

to go from being a fighter to being a promoter. Yeah. And then realizing you're making way more money as a promoter. Oh yeah, for sure. And you're not in the line of fire at all. You're like, this is bullshit.

I think Hopkins is going to take one more fight though. Yeah, I think so. Just to get it out of the system. Bernard is at least 50, right? He's 51 this year now or next year. Incredible to get it out of the system. Bernard is at least 50, right? He's 51 this year now, or next year. That's incredible.

Never been out of shape, though. I know. I mean, he's a super, super disciplined guy. It's just amazing that he's willing to do one more fight at this age. And then, of course, being a successful promoter now. You know, you don't leave fighting, fighting. Hopkins vows. That would be 52nd.

I'll fight before my 52nd birthday. It's in January, so he's going to soon. How is he going to do that? Who is he going to fight? It's in December somewhere in L.A. Probably at the Forum. In December in L.A.? Dude, we should go.

I'm in. It'll be the last time Bernard Hopkins ever fights. We should go. HBO telecast. Dude, we got to go. Salido versus. I want to be there for that live oh I was

I was at that Salido Takashi Mura fight so that's gonna be what date is it December I don't know it doesn't say

I don't know hmm it could take place at this one it says it doesn't have a date on it okay no they're having

a rematch again who Salido Takashi Mura oh really wait where can I have oh it's just at this fight No, they're having a rematch again. Who? Salido Takashimura. Oh, really? Wait. Oh, it's just at this fight. Orlando Salido, who's the first guy to beat Lomachenko.

Yeah, this week. October 12th. Interesting. Well, you know, I always look back to when Bernard Hopkins fought Tito Trinidad. Oh, yeah. Remember when he threw the flag down in Puerto Rico and they chased him out of the stadium? They wanted to kill him. And I was like, oh, I think,

I remember that time I was like, Trinidad's going to knock him out. I was like, oh, he stopped Trinidad. He beat the shit out of Trinidad. He didn't just beat the shit out of him. He boxed his face off before he beat the shit out of him. Wasn't it Hopkins? I think it was Hopkins that he,

I'm almost sure it was Hopkins. He had a fight. This was in the, probably the late 90s. The guy somehow got under him and body slammed him. Yep. And he dislocated his shoulder. Yeah. And they were like, we can stop the fight and you could win by no decision.

He goes, nope. It was, he dislocated his right hand, his right shoulder. Hopkins? Yeah. Well, didn't he't he no i don't remember that i remember one time he wasn't thrown out he dislocated his shoulder and they stopped the fight no they stopped the fight because of him getting thrown out of the ring maybe he got thrown out of the ring more than once yeah i think this was against antoine eccles if i'm not mistaken hmm well I knew he got thrown out of the ring against one guy, and he hurt himself. I remember he got his shoulder dislocated, and then he still went next round, and he stopped him with his left hand. Really?

Yeah. Man, I don't remember that at all. It might not have been Hopkins, but I remember this one. Huh? Was it Chad Dawson? Did Chad Dawson do that against? No, no, it was definitely not Chad. Chad Dawson's another guy. Well, no it was it was definitely not chad chad dawson's another guy

well whoever it was i remember antoine eccles being in the mix and they were both a n t w hopkins shoulder hurt after dawson throws him down fight ends in the second yeah that's what it is so yeah it was chad dawson but i feel like no see it said it was ch is. Yeah, it was Chad Dawson. But I feel like, no. See, it said it was Chad Dawson, but he'd also had this happen before. Before this fight. Because Chad Dawson, that was fairly recently. It was like in the later... Late 90s.

Yeah, exactly. When Hopkins was not dislocated. Yeah. If you just Google Hopkins record. Yeah. This is not an exciting podcast to listen to. Apologize, guys. While we're Googling Bernard Hopkins record so we can remember a name.

That's how much shit the bed on the Joe Rogan experience? I don't think it was a loss. I think it was a victory. No, he won. Did he fight Antoine Eccles? See if you find... They're right there. Right down there.

Antoine Eccles. TKO 11. Maybe that was the second fight? Because whoever threw him down... He fought him twice. Yeah, whoever threw him down, he came back and beat their ass. Do you see it? What's that?

You're going the wrong way. I'm going to look it up a different way. Okay. Jamie's going to look it up a different way. I remember seeing it on ESPN. Canelo and Gennady Golovkin, though, would break the bank. Oh, yeah. Maybe Golovkin needs to get, like, one more big-ass fight.

He's supposed to be fighting Danny Jacobs. Oh, really? In December. There was a purse bid just Jacobs. Oh, really? In December. There was a purse bid just now. Oh, yeah? Purse bid. I like it. Look at you.

You're deep in the boxing and the DJ world. You know how I get down, Joe. You do get down. I do get down, buddy. Yeah. What other good fights are happening right now in boxing? Oh, Andre Ward. Andre Ward Kovalev.

Yeah. And I'm in fucking Toronto that night. God damn it you want to be alive that one through is that one in vegas yeah t-mobile i believe oh that's a good fight i'm going with kovalev on that it's a good fight it's a very good fight i don't think uh i don't think andre has the power to hurt kovalev do you think it's because he's going up to 75 because he's at 175, and to me, he has not looked that impressive at 175. We only had one fight at 175, right? Two. Two? We had two?

I thought he just had one. He doesn't hit very hard. Who did he fight at 175 before that? He fought a Dominican guy. I was at that fight. That was in Ontario, California. Oh, no, maybe that was at 168. But whatever it was, he's fought twice now. Yeah, it's hard when a guy has to figure out what to do to make the big bucks.

And you've got to take a chance. And Andre's dominating at 68. He's just such a good boxer, man. Such a smart dude. You know he fought a big portion of his career with a fucked up shoulder. I did not know that. Yeah, he had to get shoulder surgery. He had a fucked up eye or something.

I don't know about that. But he had... It might have been the shoulder I was getting mixed up with his eye. Maybe. But he finally had shoulder surgery like two years ago. And it took almost like a full year off. Yeah, he took a lot of time off. Shoulder surgery is like that. He's had a lot of year off. Yeah, he took a lot of time off. Shoulder surgery is like that.

He's had a lot of years off. He keeps getting too much time off as far as I'm concerned. Look at you. You're like a mean boss. I am. As far as I'm concerned. As far as I'm concerned, kid.

If you're at the prime of your career, you need to be in the prime of your career. Yeah, but if you've got a jacked shoulder, it's not a goddamn thing you do about it. True. A little rotator cuff never hurt nobody. I mean, it hurt a lot of people jacked shoulder, it's not a goddamn thing you do about it. True. A little rotator cuff never hurt nobody. I mean, it hurt a lot of people. Boxers, it's really common they get shoulder injuries.

Probably from overextending. From a lot of things. Just sparring. I know guys that have had their biceps torn off because they were sparring, and they threw a punch, and someone blocked the punch, like an arm got in the way and just the full Extension being caught like halfway and then pop they get a torn bicep tendon and that's why I don't have biceps guys Well, if you do a lot of curls

You really should be careful because you can break that thing and when it breaks it pulls up and knots like Matt You never seen Matt Sarah's arm. No, Matt Sarah's got one bicep that broke and then curled up. They can't fix it Well, they could have right after it happened Like if you go to the hospital right after it happened they reattach it and then you could fix it It's like an Achilles tear almost When your Achilles snaps here, doesn't your ankle just go loose like that? Yeah Why?

When your Achilles snaps, doesn't your ankle just go loose like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It kind of snaps up like a rubber band? Well, it's like that in a way, but apparently it just looks bad. Like it pulls up and it hangs up there and it looks bad, but it doesn't really affect the movement of your arm, so a lot of guys don't do anything about it. They don't even get it fixed. They just leave it with that weird lump in it.

It's got to hurt on some level? No, I guess it doesn't. Not according to Matt Ser some level um no i guess it doesn't not according to matt sarah you know well he's the terror he is the terror but um you know there's there's not a goddamn thing in the world that beats your body up more than mma and maybe football between those two things i would much rather watch mma football i don't understand football on any day it's because you're canadian you're lucky you're here. We're lucky we let you in. I know.

You know, I really, where's the, oh. Where is it? It's Sarah. Is that it? Yeah, you can see he's like missing a chunk of his arm. His bicep, his right bicep. It's like the front part of it from the elbow towards the shoulder. It just looks like he has a high bicep.

Yeah, he's just got a chunk torn out of it. But it doesn't affect his movement. You know, it's weird. It just looks like he has a high bicep. Yeah. He's just got a chunk torn out of it. But it doesn't affect his movement. You know, it's weird. It just looks odd. But that's one that breaks. The human body is very fucking soft when it comes to the, you see the durability of animals. And you see how fucking goddamn flimsy we are, Russell Peters. Yeah, they've got it figured out.

Animals do. Yeah. Yeah, they figured it out. They figured out how. They know exactly how to stay in their lane. Yes, they definitely do that. Humans are always like, well. There's no renaissance animals.

There should be. That know everything. You know, they can fly. They know how to swim underwater. Would be the renaissance animal. Yeah. Give a hoot. Owls are fucking creeps, man.

I remember when I first moved to California. They're very violent. They're super violent. Well, they're predators. Yeah. When I first moved to California, I saw an owl that was flying off with a rabbit and dropped the rabbit. owl that was flying off with a rabbit and dropped the rabbit and uh because i was you know he had killed this rabbit i guess real close to the road and as i was driving he tried to fly off with the

rabbit and then decided fuck this i'm not getting away fast enough and just dropped the rabbit and then flew so i see him fly off with the rabbit and his talons and then go fuck this and just release it and then boom the rabbit hits the ground so i get out of my car and look at the rabbit this rabbit's just eviscerated he's just torn its guts out and i'm sitting there going like this is not what i think of when i think of an owl yeah i i think you know you think i didn't even think i guess i knew they ate rats and rodents and stuff like that. But I don't think they literally will take out something that's their size.

They don't play. They got big old talons on them, that's why. Yeah. And beaks. And a bad attitude. Yeah, they're fucking cunts. I see hawks circling my backyard a lot lately. Oh, yeah.

Because I have a puppy. Oh, no. And so what we do is when we see them, there's usually like, it starts with one, then you see two, then you see three and four.

Jesus. So I get my assistant to take out his drone and he flies it up and scares him away. Oh, that's a good move. Yeah. That's a very good move.

Aha, you fuckers. We're combating you. But they will eat a puppy, man. Have you seen these... What is this? Macawks, I think. Hey, I'm not looking at you, cock they will eat a puppy, man. Have you seen these... What is this? Macawks, I think. Hey, I'm not looking at you, cock. Monkey, deer, mountain.

There's this small island in Japan where they have this relationship, I guess, where the monkeys, they ride the deer like humans would ride a horse. Shut the fuck up. And they kind of like... This isn't real, John. It definitely is. It's a little humping it right now, but this is definitely real. I looked it up.

This might not be riding around so much, but they'll pick little ticks and shit off them, parasites, and they eat them. They have this weird relationship where they allow it to happen. They let them ride them around. Dude, this is crazy. That's just macaque, my dear.

That's amazing. Wow. So what we're reading is monkey deer, or watching rather, monkey deer mounting in Japanese macaques. I can't believe this, man. I thought this was fake. This is incredible. Favorite rapper, Tupac Macaque? Oh, you motherfucker.

How dare you? He's grooming the deer. There's another one that I saw. God damn it. Now I forget what it was. I was just going to... Shit. Another one that had to do with monkeys.

Oh, baboons. Baboons have pet dogs. I've not seen this. Yeah, they get dogs as puppies. They raise them and they keep them around as security. And the dogs bark if anything comes near. They raise them like a fucking pet. Yes.

Dude, it's crazy. Is there pictures, videos of this? Yeah, there's a video of it. It's nuts. And like, how smart are these folks? The dog doesn't start thinking it's a chimpanzee or anything? The dog acts like a dog. Like, look at this.

He's got him. He's like holding on to the puppy is there audio to this well the video is entitled so he's got the little puppies holding on to it oh man he's rough the way he drags that dog around holy shit called baboons raised kidnap and raise feral dogs as pets yeah but they literally raise them as pets they beat them down they keep them around they're holding on to them look he's sitting on him and holding it in place oh it's fighting against him it bites against him so he's like picking it up and and forcing it to the ground he's holding on to its tail and he drags it around like a toy like he has no concern there's such a weird animal man that looks like a lion fucked a person you know doesn't it they're so weird i mean is a baboon is one of the weirdest fucking animals you'll ever

see that looks like us in a transitional stage in the evolution chart. Almost like a branch, right? One went left, one went right. Yeah. Because they have that lion tail and that mane in the front. It's a strange, strange appearance. I found this one dude's page. I don't know.

His page is all in Arabic. I don't know, his page is all in Arabic. I don't know what it says, but every day is a new animal fucking up an animal video. Like every day. It's overwhelming following them. See translation right there. Yeah, I don't want to know. I don't even want to know what they're saying. I mean, the translations are always off so bad, it's actually kind of funny.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. They're never dead on. I'm trying to think of what the fuck this dude's name is, but I'll figure it out. I'll put it up on Instagram later. But his page is on what the other day was these hyenas tearing apart this, it was like a wildebeest, like guts first.

This thing's trying to get away and get out of the water, and these hyenas are just ripping it apart, guts first. Hyenas are savage. Oh, it's so hard to watch. I can't watch that stuff. We're so soft, Russell Peters. We are. Living here in America.

Because we care. We have too much compassion. Well, it's not just that we have too much compassion. I'm saying that it's so easy for us to get by. Yeah, we don't have to worry about a hyena getting us. My dad grew up in the jungle. What jungle? In India.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah. So literally, he hunted tigers, leopards, wild boar. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Your dad did that? Dad a lot. Yeah.

He was born in 1925. So back then, it's not like he would hunt them for fun. Right. But yeah, he was a big game hunter. Wow. We have a tiger skin with a head. Holy shit. Yeah.

His last one that he shot was in the 60s. When it was already banned, you weren't allowed to shoot tigers then, but this man eater went to a village and was killing people in the village so they had asked my dad to can you go get this can you go we know your family's a bunch of hunters can you go get this tiger for us and he's like what's in it for me and they were like we'll give you 15 dollars like that was a lot like it it was the equivalent to that somebody's saying to you today i'll give you 15 dollars whoa and uh he said well how about you keep your money i get to keep the

skin so they made like an exemption they were like yeah because he's getting a man eater it wasn't like he was just randomly killing a tiger boy that's a monster so he would uh here i'll tell you exactly how he did it i remember the story story clearly. He went to where there was two trees side by side. So he built up a little fort in this one tree. And then he tied a bull, a blue ox, around the other tree. And then he went and sat up in the tree at around 5, 6 o'clock in the evening. And he sat there reading magazines and stuff and and then he knew when the night falls that the tiger would come out and then as soon as the bull started

going crazy and running around the tree a lot because he knew he was scared my dad was he had a shotgun with him a 308 a 308 i think and uh and he had his, and the minute his flashlight touched the barrel of the gun, it made a metal noise. And then as soon as he did that, the tiger looked up at him, and instead of going for the ox, leaped straight at my dad in the tree. Oh, my God. And my dad just fumbled and shot and hit him right here in the throat. Oh, my God. And the tiger flipped back, and then he flashed the flashlight on his eyes to see if they were still glossy. Then he put another shot in them just for safety.

Whoa. And we have that skin to this day. Holy shit, your dad was a gangster. It's at my house. Not at my house. We have it in Canada, and I want to bring it here, but I don't know if we'll be able to I don't think you will you might be able to get some sort of historical exemption yeah I mean I I don't know what paperwork I need for it I it's hard to prove you know what I mean so that seems like uh

hmm maybe you'd have to I think what happens when they find those things and they're illegal is they have to donate them to museums yeah see, see, I don't want to lose that. That's family heirloom. Because I remember reading about someone getting arrested. It was a long time ago. I want to say it was like the 70s or the 80s. Someone got arrested with tiger skins. They had some tiger skins that were obtained.

One of them was obtained illegally. Right. But it was illegally in like 1937 when they shot it and this person had had a couple of them and they were in trouble because when that happens if someone sells you one it's apparently your responsibility since it's a banned item yeah to bring you have to bring it to, like, somewhere. And then they have to post it or something. It's like, you're not allowed to possess it. So if you do possess it, you could be in big trouble. Yeah, this was all properly gotten and properly imported into Canada. What part of India did this take place?

It was a part, it's a small railway village called Burhanpur. It's kind of in the middle of the country is that anywhere near the sundarbans i cannot confirm nor deny that that was the um subject of this documentary that i saw where they were talking about the sundarbans is a very unusual section of uh the river system in india because it's very brackish for like a long period of time. And these animals apparently drink the water and the water has a high salt content and it's super irritable to the tigers.

And he thinks they make, it's one of the theories, they make the tigers more aggressive because they're just in pain all the time from drinking salty water. And they've killed some insane amount of people over the last couple hundred years. I think it's somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 plus thousand people have been killed by tigers in the last couple hundred years in this area. I remember going there when I was 11 or 12, around that age.

And my dad took us. We went to my grandmother's who still lived out there. And he took us for a walk. We all had to carry guns. I was 11 walking around with a rifle. Oh, my God. And everybody had to carry a gun because, you know, he took us to like a river,

and you could see fresh tiger prints in the mud. And he was like, look, see? And you follow the prints, and you go, don't. My dad was like, don't go that way That's where he went. You're gonna go the other way now Big tiger sanctuary right next to it and we're brown poor. Yeah, here's brown poor and then this is a I'm sure you've seen oh wow that's so wild. I've never looked at that like that. That's pretty cool Can you see this on YouTube? That's all. I know that. That's pretty dope.

I know that area when I was a kid. I'm trying to find a picture of my dad with... We have some of the shots here. Did you see that video from that wild animal park in Beijing? Oh my God, that was awesome. I saw it on your Instagram first. I was like, what the fuck was this? Why did you get out of your car? makes you think yeah people just get mad yeah that's what you wrote and that they were

she got she was mad and that's why she got out of the car she apparently got mad at somebody in the car i don't know who but she got out and she survived her mom who got out to chase the tiger away after the tiger pulled her off, the mom got killed. Oh, so the one that got taken didn't get killed. Yep. Oh. Woman mauled in Beijing. Tiger attacked to sue.

Sue who? Oh, my God. The tiger? I'm sure he doesn't have insurance. Oh, my God. She thinks she hadn't been fully informed of the dangers and left the vehicle because she was carsick. Well, she was yelling at somebody. Oh, here we go. We're going to have to watch it. I see. She was car sick. Well, she was yelling at somebody. Oh, here we go. We're going to have to watch it.

I see. She was car sick, bitch. She was car jacked. This is so crazy. She gets out. She storms over to the other side. The other person gets out, and she's arguing. She's like, listen, I'm telling you right now,

you better shut the fuck up, bitch. Come here. The tiger just ran out and grabbed her, dude. And then someone else goes out after the tiger and then a park ranger runs in there and that's all we see. It looked like the tiger went, wow, this is the easiest lunch I've ever had.

Tiger probably couldn't help himself. Finally saw something to get jacked. And best yet, she wasn't paying attention, so her back was turned. Oh, yeah. You ever see those videos of the tigers creeping up on people when they're sitting with their back to the cage? Oh, it's crazy. They just dive on the back of them. They can't help themselves.

That's what they do. They're being tigers. They are being tigers. They're tigers. Too busy being tigers. What are you doing? Checking your tweets? No, I'm trying to find this picture of my dad oh the tiger rug yeah uh hopefully i have something it says you have to sign a piece of like a waiver that says you will not get out of your

car once you enter the park but she thought it was wasn't that and no one explained it to her what does she think she's saying she might have not been paying attention and not knowing i mean nobody really reads that stuff but if somebody explains it to you. How the fuck could they just let you drive around in your own car where they have tigers? China doesn't give a shit. No. That's just such a ridiculous policy. They would never have that in America with the liability insurance that people have to carry over here.

In Canada, they have a place called African Lion Safari. When I was a kid, we used to go and you drive through with your own car. And there was, yeah yeah there was lions there was and there was giraffes and monkeys would jump on your car and fuck up your antenna and there was a place like that in new jersey that i went to where the monkeys would jump on your car yeah and they'd yeah they'd pull people's windshield wipers off and oh yeah they were yeah. They were really destructive. But there's a big difference between that and a lion. You guys had lions? It was called African Lion Safari. I don't believe I saw a lion.

But I do remember the monkeys fucking up the car. And then my mom telling me that recently when I was home that we should take my daughter to go see African Lion Safari. I'm not going in my fucking car to African Lion Safari. Are you kidding me? I saw a bobcat and a bunch of moms, or a bunch of babies, recently. By your place? No, no, no.

I was in Tohon Ranch. We were driving down this road, and this bobcat, and I think, I want to say two or three babies. But I saw it so briefly, and I knew that it was a cat. I saw it so briefly, and the guys I was with thought it was a cat

that in my mind I had seen a cougar. I had seen a small cougar and some cougar puppies. When they explained to me that no, no, no, no it was a bobcat. Then I had to look into my memory and I was like how much of my memory is concocted?

How much of my memory in this situation is just like a total falsification what i wanted it to be well i've just filled in the blanks like i knew it was a living thing i knew it was some kind of a cat and i knew it ran away really quick and there was a couple of them so when we said it was a cat i was like oh well that must have been a mountain lion very small mountain lion and i was trying to figure it out bobcats are just, they have really big paws, right? Isn't that what it is? Some of them do.

Oh, no, those are lynx. Lynx have really big paws. Yeah, because they walk through the snow. Those are weird to see, man. I saw one of those. I don't want to see one of those. I saw one of those when I was in Canada. Did you?

Yeah, I walked on the side of the road. I took a picture of it. Born and raised there. Never saw one ever. Never saw a moose, even. What? And I know they're massive. Who are you?

I know. Who are you? I know. Who are you? I don't know who I am. Isn't that like the Canadian animal? Or is it like a duck or something? The goose is ours. Is it for real? The Canada goose. No. That's your animal? I don't know. I think that's the only one that we identify

as Canadian. But moose is definitely part of our heritage. In a way way that's kind of appropriate that you guys are the goose and we're the eagle you know we're a cunty shitty mean bird doesn't give a fuck kills everything but can be tamed uh eagle can be tamed yeah sure you can get them to sit on your arm he's not trying to pull your eyes off fucking leather i think you can get them to sit on your arm. He's not trying to pull your eyes off. With one of them giant fucking leather. I think you have to raise them. But people definitely raise eagles.

I mean, it's not like you can get a regular eagle and tame them. But if you raise them, I'm sure you can get them to the point where they don't try to kill you all the time. Got to go to like Dave's House of Eagles or something. Such an awesome animal, though. It's just amazing that there's such a variety of different things. That's my dad's kill things. Whoa. That's your dad sitting on a goddamn man eating tiger that he killed.

Ooh. What a scary thing that is. You know, another thing about it, they're so beautiful. Oh yeah. It's weird. Like you're going to be killed by something that's so amazing to look at.

They don't, they always say that if tigers were in Africa, they would be the king of the jungle? Oh, yeah. Oh, they're way bigger, especially the big ones. Bigger, meaner. Yeah. They're faster. They're on the next level to a lion.

There was a video that I watched the other day. Are ligers real? Yes, ligers are real. But ligers tend to be docile for some strange reason. I don't think anybody's ever been attacked by a liger. They also have some weird growth thing going on where whatever regulates growth, it doesn't work on them. That's a liger? Yeah.

They're so huge. They're way bigger than regular cats. Look at the belly on that guy, though. Yeah, they're fucking giant, dude. That's an enormous, enormous animal. So whether it's the male tiger fucks the female lion, I think that's how it goes. So when that happens, apparently the... Look at that. That's amazing looking, isn't it?

Apparently, when it does happen, the cat, whichever side is the lie I don't it's a lion or the tiger one of the sides is supposed to get it's the gene for regulating growth from the woman but it doesn't get it from the woman or it doesn't get it from the man because the man's a tiger or the man's a lion however the combination works but because it's a male and a female they they are a lion and a tiger they make this new thing that doesn't know when to stop growing. So it just keeps growing.

Yeah. It just gets bigger. But these are fabricated. These are like... Well, I think they can appear in the wild, but they don't live in the wild together. Yeah, but they're two animals that are from different continents, you know what I mean? So somebody had to have put them together at some point. Not only that, they're not viable.

So they're hybrids, and it's a hybrid that's not viable. Like, they can't—it's not like a dog. Like, a wolf can fuck your dog, and those puppies are part wolf, and they can fuck a regular dog, and there'd be no problem. They would just keep making puppies. It'd probably be good for the gene pool. But with these things, even though a lion and a tiger probably look more similar than a german shepherd and a poodle they do right they probably look more simple completely different they're not the same thing so that that baby's a hybrid so those hybrid babies they can't reproduce so they can't produce more ligers

exactly yeah so they're one litter animals yeah but like wolf dogs wolf the wolf dogs could fuck regular dogs and they can they can get fucked by regular dogs oh man by the way i heard coyotes like crazy in my backyard last fucking or screaming they were screaming they were killing something i'm sure yeah they're interesting aren't they those are wolves yeah they're actual wolves skinny wolves yeah little tiny wolves they can mate with wolves they mate with with dogs. We ran into a litter once when I was doing Fear Factor. We were in this really rural area where we were doing this stunt, and we ran into a litter of coyotes and a Labrador retriever.

A coyote had fucked this guy's Labrador retriever. And the Labrador retriever gave birth, and the puppies were all outside, and we were trying to see. Were they mangy looking? They were real mangy looking. It was sad because uh they were essentially feral and people were kind of trying to rescue them and they were trying to give them to people on the crew and people in the crew were like trying to get the cell phone service so they could call friends see if anybody wanted to take them because you realize like wow these poor little things like they're just they're gonna die

out here but there was also the thought like whoa who wants a half coyote that they can't go listen to you man yeah they're wily yeah that's a wild animal a tricky little wild animal that fucking thing is not listening but if you have like a lot of people are but a lab is like such a calm peaceful dog too you might balance it out yeah i don't know it might be too you know it might just make a it out. Yeah, I don't know. It might be too, you know. It might just make a really cunty lab. I don't know. I'm having this guy on soon. He's a wildlife biologist who's been studying all the coyotes that live in urban Los Angeles.

There's a big article about it, about this ongoing research, about just how many coyotes live. There's a ton of them, dude. It's incredible. They've infiltrated and they're a part of this. We like to think of our cities as environments that are free of anything alive other than us that's dangerous or anything other than us that's a predator. We don't want to think that there's something acting as a predator in our midst like that. For the most part, we like to think of cities as being barren of wildlife. But that's not true at all.

No. Well, they were here before we were. Not even. Here's the thing. They were, but their range has expanded. I'm reading a book right now called Coyote America by this guy, Dan Flores. And he was a wildlife historian turned author. And you find out about the history of the coyote.

Apparently, all dogs came from North America. All dogs. All canids, including jackals, including a bunch of shit that's in Africa right now, all came from North America. All horses, zebras, it all came from North America. They went extinct in North America and then were reintroduced later. And the coyotes are a weird animal. How did they get around?

I don't fucking know. I guess Pangea. I think it was when the continents were all connected. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, when there was a different configuration. Yeah. But this fucking book's amazing, man. Talking about the history of the coyote and how sneaky those fuckers are.

The reason why there's so many coyotes, they're all across every city in America today. And that wasn't the case 100 years ago. They've expanded their range due to persecution. So when anybody shoots them, when wolves come in and start killing them, when anything happens to them, they make more babies. They do that roll call, that screaming in the night. When one of them's not calling back yeah the females start producing more eggs it's crazy shit they go from having like four offspring to like you know four four pups in the litter you'll have like 15 yeah that's pretty crazy you know you know have you ever heard when a siren goes

by it sets them off yeah i hear a siren and then fucking all of a sudden you hear a shitload of coyotes i'm like wow have you ever heard turkey do that no when you slam your car door right if you're out in the woods and you slam your car door you'll hear really yeah it's crazy like they have this instinctive reaction like turkeys will gobble if you make a turkey call like you know they have the And they make a call like a turkey and turkey calls back, but they'll also do it if you just slam a car door The breeze so they were sensitive to sound they just freaked out and when they freaked out they can't handle themselves What was that meet you were cooking the other day? Yes, yeah, I was it's good. Yeah, you ever had no do you cook?

I my lady cook she does I'll give you some You ever had? No. Do you cook? My lady cooks. She does? I'll give you some. I have some elk here. Do you really? Yeah. I'll take a little elk home. What does it taste like?

Like a cow fucked a deer. Made sweet, sweet love to a deer, but more delicious. Okay. It's like my favorite meat. It's really good for you, too. I saw it. It looked good. And I never thought I'd ever say this to you, but I would really want to taste your meat

You can't help yourself I can't it's just who you are you gotta accept it It's true when you were telling me about the coyotes and you're saying you're reading the book What's the name of the book? I was like have you read coyote ugly? Self I fucking hurt it pained me to stop myself from saying it. Some kids today don't even know what Coyote Ugly means. Let me explain to you, you little fucks. Coyote Ugly is when someone fucks someone that's so ugly that your arm is underneath them when you wake up, and you chew your arm off like a coyote caught in a trap just so that you don't have to wake them up and deal with them.

It's true. That's what the term coyote ugly comes from, right? It's true. That's a brutal goddamn term. I've had a few of those in my time. Have you? Yeah. It's mean.

Road coyotes. Some of the old road coyotes. The travels. There's some spots in this country where, you know, you stop in and you go, man, I wish I could get all of you guys out of here. But then you talk to them and they love it there. Sure. People love where they are. Yeah.

But then, you know, I get to some spots where I'm like, you know, you're driving through these really small towns and you're looking around. And then I always think to myself, I wonder if I just fucking stopped the car here, bought a house, and then never called anybody again. Just lived here in this little small town. You know what that is? What? That's a longing for nostalgia. It is. It is.

It's like you thinking, I'm going to go back to being a regular guy. I'm tired of being Russell Peters, Mr. International, Mr. Worldwide. You know, it's funny. When I go home to Toronto, I always drive through my old neighborhoods. Like the three or four neighborhoods that I did grow up in. Do you hang your Rolex out the window? What? You know, I'm always tempted to knock on the doors of the houses I lived in yeah but i do it at these ungodly hours so it'd be really creepy and you

probably drunk no no no i don't drink and drive yeah people don't want you knocking on the door and saying hey i used to live here yeah you don't need more nice to see you yeah take it easy i want to just be like hey i grew up in this house can. Can I just come in and look around? I'm like, no, you fuck. I'm hanging meat in the basement. Get out of here. There was a house I grew up in that was for sale recently. I got to see it online. It was weird.

You should have bought it. No. No. We're in Massachusetts. Yeah. In Newton. Newton, Upper Falls. But it was interesting to see it.

Did you know Dana back then? No. No? No, I didn't know Dana. I didn't know Dana until 2001 or something like that, like whenever they bought the UFC. Yeah, he lived in South Boston. I used to work in South Boston at one point in time.

Is that where the Southeast are? Yeah. I think he lived there. I think he said he lived in South Boston. But I lived in Newton, Newton Upper Falls. Now I lived all over the place. Once i moved out of my parents place i moved to a lot of shitty neighborhoods and pursuing my comedy dream russell peters you never had that accent i did i did i found myself on tv when i won the bay state games in 1986 86 or 87 like that they had this thing called the bay state games and it was like this big thing

um it was this it was this big tournament that they would do like an olympic style tournament and um this is tech window yeah and they've televised this fight or they televised they'd fucked up the camera the camera missed if i won by knockout in the first round in like 30 seconds. And then they had this big TV report where they had these TV people interview me because I had won the state championship a couple years in a row, and they were interested in coverage of the Bay State games. Anyway, I listened to myself on TV, and I sounded like such a fucking idiot. I had a VHS tape of myself.

And I realized it was the first time I'd ever heard myself. No. I don't know where it is. I never realized how Canadian I sounded until I saw an interview of mine from like 97, 96. And I was just so earnest and Canadian. I was just extra Canadian. Did you say a boat? Did you say a boat? I did. I fucking did. You don was just extra Canadian. Did you say about? Did you say about? I did.

I fucking did. You don't say it anymore? No. Say about? Say about. Yeah, that's right. You're struggling. I feel the struggle.

The only thing I say that's still very Canadian is sorry. Ugh. I listened to myself when I was 19 in this video and I was saying hard. Like, we worked out really hard for this. Oh. I was like, ugh. That's so hard for this oh I was like oh that's so funny to me I can't even picture you like that oh well it was Callan out there too in Boston Callan was in Boston but again I didn't know him either Callan was apparently in Boston and he was

also doing Taekwondo but I didn't know him but he was born in India Callan was born in Philippines Philippines I think his sister was born in India yeah hean was born in some... Philippines. Philippines, I think. His sister was born in India. Yeah. He was a military child. Yeah. So he lived all over the place. He lived in Saudi Arabia. Yeah.

He lived everywhere. It's a fucking weird way to grow up, man. Yeah, I can't imagine that. Living in a bunch of strange foreign countries. But to be as well-rounded as he is today is a testament to him. Yeah. Well, he's super well-rounded as far as his interests. Yeah.

He's a guy. He knows a lot of shit. Yeah. He knows a lot of shit about very interesting and different. He's one of the few guys that I can call up. If it's some bizarre thing that's in the news, I can call up, hey, fill me in on this. What the fuck's going on with this? And he'll be able to most likely have some insight.

He's got like a pretty broad range of topics in his head that he knows quite a bit about. Like, don't ever talk to him about wine. You'll get stuck. Oh, yeah, I can't drink wine anyway. I got acid reflux. No wine for me. What is acid reflux?

It's your body telling you you're a fat fuck and you need to change your diet. Is that what it is? But what does it mean? Does it mean like burps come up? Oh, yeah. Your burps come up. I mean, it burns.

Just fucking burns to here. So your digestive juices kick back up. Yeah. It's horrible. But, you know, I'm on medication. What's causing it? I've had it since I was a kid. So, you know, since I was...

I remember being a six, seven-year-old having it. Now, is there anything they can give you? What, do they give you something for it? Back then? No, now. Now, yeah, I take stuff called Protonix. And what does that stuff do? It just stops it.

I don't know what it does exactly, but I know I don't feel any pain when I'm on it, so I'm good with it. You don't feel any pain like you could whack your dick with a hammer? Like that kind of thing? Actually, I'm numb. Numb to the world. Numb to the world? That's what you're looking for? But I could eat pizza and not worry.

I drank a whole Mountain Dew. I don't give a fuck. Do you think there's a dietary cure? Oh, absolutely. When I eat properly, it doesn't bother me at all. I could not take medication then. That's interesting. So you choose to eat like shit.

No, I just do it. I do it preventatively now, just in case. I don't know what the fuck's going to trigger it. Wow. So when it triggers it, it just kicks in. You start getting that burning feeling in your throat. It's kind of like a burn in your eye. You burp and your eyes water.

What will do it to you? Like lasagna? Will lasagna kick you down? No, pizza would take me down. Pizza. French fries. Anything greasy. Greasy. Like what'll do it to you like lasagna will sign you kick you down no pizza would take me down pizza french fries fighting greasy Reasing wine is the worst for me though really oh my god So right now if we busted out a glass of wine start cleaning glasses you just start throwing up no no no wouldn't hit me

I feel I'd be like oh, it's all right now, and then when I go to bed the minute. I lay down Oh, that's what you feel like shit. That's what it happens man Stay up. That's what I'd say. Just forever? Don't be a pussy. I don't know why I'm not committing to this more. Yeah, man,

you just gotta keep partying, bro. I don't know what the side effects... Can you see what the side effects to Protonix are? Because I'm pretty sure... You just gotta have some. I heard it's probably short-term memory.

I forget. Wah, wah, wah. That was a pun, ladies and... That wasn't a pun what was that that was a shit that was a shit that's all it was it was shit how would you categorize that if you're a professional weight changes see weight changes nausea vomiting mild diarrhea gas stomach pain tired feeling that's always dude get off this stuff jesus christ okay Okay, Jamie, now Google Protonix dangers, please. God, long-term use may cause issues. Dude, get

off that shit. Oh my God, what are you taking? Commercent side effects, FDA sounds alarm on the dangers of antacid drugs. How is it a side effect of it if it's what you take to fix it? Click on quick Chris crusher's article

fda sounds alarms and dangers of aspirin this is six years ago this guy's smart as fuck i had him on the podcast very very knowledgeable guy goddamn your pop-ups fuck your pop-ups so what does it say here in a shocking shockingly rare example of fda actually doing its job. A report was issued on Tuesday cautioning against the prolonged use of a class of acid-stopping drugs called proton pump inhibitors. Okay. So this is the shit, man. Oh, my God. Americans spend $5.1 billion on the most popular anti-acids. That is insane.

Holy shit. There's so much money in drugs. That's what we should have got into, Russell. Why are we telling jokes? We could be selling drugs. You're busy taking them. Wah, wah, wah. I take the good ones.

That's it. That stuff, though, doesn't seem like a good one and you take that stuff i take it twice a day dude stop taking that please i take it when i wake up and i take it before i go to bed can i connect you with a diet guy that could change your life yes would you do it the hell yeah yeah okay i'm gonna connect you with a guy i know a guy that can change your life yeah i need that change your life changing lives would you listen would you only eat the stuff that he told you to if he yeah i mean if i would i'm not an expert so i would have to listen to what he says now you're a wealthy man how come you haven't already done this um

i i do i try you got the paper you got that paper i try i try i just enjoy food i enjoy life i do too man that's the problem. I'm like, you know what? I feel like going off sometimes, maybe right now. Like going and getting like a gigantic fucking mushroom and pepperoni pizza. Not give a fuck how they got that pepperoni either. You see what you just did? You planted a fucking seed in my head, Joe.

It's just perfect right off the fucking oven. They slide it out of that oven with that giant spatula. Mm-hmm. And they drop it down into that box. Yeah, they drop it like it's hot. You just start pulling slices apart, and the cheese is hanging all gooey. And you dig in, you taste that tomato sauce and that grease and the spices, and you're just chewing on the carbs too and you're just going fuck

yeah like i don't need a six-pack i don't need to be shredded fuck all that give me this pizza right now i'll take that's my problem that's the problem the problem is the way you sold it just now i may stop on the way home yeah i ate a bunch of boring shit today, all right? I ate nuts, eggs. I ate a bunch of boring-ass shit. I certainly didn't have a fresh pizza. I had multigrain Cheerios. That's good. If you like sugar and things that aren't really good for you but appear to be good for you on the box.

Oh, it's multigrain. They were delicious. You know what I like? Pineapple and anchovy pizza. You ever had that? They were delicious You know what I like? Pineapple and anchovy pizza You ever had that? I don't like pineapple on anchovies See the two of them together I know it seems nasty

I know people are listening to me They're like Joe Rogan you're a fucking idiot You need the pineapple to mask the anchovy No it doesn't mask it It all gets busy together I'm telling you it's fantastic Yeah I can't do cunty smelling things Not only that I go double pineapple Double anchovy Yeah I can't do thatunty smelling things. Not only that, I go double pineapple, double anchovy.

Yeah, I can't do that. I don't give a fuck, Russell Peters. I could just shit on my pizza dreams. And guess what? You just talked me out of eating pizza. Here's another one. Maybe there's more up your aisle. Jalapenos and sausage.

No. See, those are bad triggers for me. Oh, don't be a pussy. You're taking drugs. I know. Take the drug. Take extra. The jalapenos

and the sausage. Take your extra jalapenos. It'll all fuck me sideways. Take your extra medicine. Can't you take like four of those fuckers? Oh, God, you don't want to do that.

No, what happens then? I don't know. You get no more acid. I just want to find out. Cleans out all your acid. What's happening? Like, what is it? How's it stopping that?

I don't know. What's it doing? It can't is it? How's it stopping that? I don't know. What's it doing? But I've had it since I was a kid and my parents would just tell me, drink milk. That's a good thing to tell people. My mom would be like, Oh, go drink some milk.

It'll go away. It's almost like nothing you should drink milk for other than you want milk. Yep. It drinks the milk. It'll cool it down. Well, Indians haven't, you know,

cause the food's so spicy. Right. They serve a yogurt dish with it and the yogurt's to, Oh, okay it'll cool it down. Well, Indians, because the food's so spicy, they serve a yogurt dish with it, and the yogurt's to calm your insides. Oh, okay, to calm everything down. But I never liked the yogurt as a kid, so I would have to just drink milk. I went to a kid's party recently, and we pulled up, and it was this thing at this roller skating place, and I was hungry. I was like, I gotta get something to eat. Oh, in North Georgia?

Yeah. And I was hungry. I was like, I got to get something to eat. Oh, in North Georgia? Yeah. So right around the quarters, this super authentic Indian deli slash lunch place. Everything was in Indian. And everything was like shit. There was a few things that were in English.

No one there was American except for me. Or no one there was your standard English-speaking person except for me. No one knew what the fuck I was saying. I had to tell this lady I didn't want the naan bread. She just wound up giving it to me anyway. But the food was sensational. It was really good. All vegetarian, Indian food.

But I really felt like I had somehow or another like teleported into another country I was hanging out with these people they're all wearing like Indian clothes clothes that would totally identify them

as being from India everything was they had Indian music playing Indian TV shows on they overdo it sometimes they went deep they missed the motherland

like a time capsule but the food is so distinct it's like all the curries and the different spices and the turmeric and it's a really interesting type of food man and depends on which part of india you're eating food from too it's very different everywhere there's a place north south east west everybody has their own stuff yeah there's a place on ventura where's the where's

the best indian restaurant in la is there a one spot i really i have a spot that i used to go to in studio city called it used to be called great india cafe and they just changed the name and i forgot what the change the name to but the restaurant's still there there's one and it's pretty damn good woodland hills on ventura that's really good i might have been to that one unabarg or something like that like down down closer to the 101 area. Yes, closer to like Calabasas. Yeah, that place is really good. It's in a little strip plaza.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's not bad. Dude, to me, it's really good. I don't know shit, though. I want you to school me in the ways of the authentic. I'm going to have my mom taught my fiance how to make her food her way, and she makes it fucking amazingly.

Really? So if you're into it, I will have you and wifey over. Let's do it. Come on. There was the place that I went to that I told you that was super authentic Indian, but it was all vegetarian. Is that common? Yes. Because there's a second place that I found.

Vegetarian is big over there. The second place that I found that's like a super authentic, there's another one in Canoga Park that's real similar. It's like a supermarket, rather. And then they also serve food there, but it's all vegetarian as well. Vegetarian is more common than not in India. Really? Yeah, you have to specify.

They'll put on the outside, veg and non-veg. Hmm. So why do you think that is? And then on airplanes when they order their food, and then they screw it up. Madam, I am a vegetable. My wife is also a vegetable. Oh, that's what they say? Yes, yeah.

Still a vegetarian? But it's good to hear. Why is that, that Indian is so predominantly vegetarian? It just always has been, historically. I mean, you know, I think they revere animals quite a bit. And they also don't have the, they can't really facilitate um storing meat you know right people don't have refrigerators and stuff right right that makes sense it's easier to hang on to the vegetables but there are some dishes like uh like there's one that has rogan in it

lamb rogan josh rogan josh oh yeah that shit is good that is good oh my god that place in woodland hills i've had it there extra spicy oh my god rogan josh is damn good you say josh oh yeah that shit is good that is good oh my god that place in woodland hills i've had it there extra spicy oh my god broken josh is damn good you say josh that's what you say i'll say josh yeah yeah um but that's a meat dish is that there's like a very just a small amount of those meat dishes in the no no there's a lot of meat dishes it's just you know more often than not you'll find you'll find it's probably easier to find a vegetarian indian restaurant than it would be to find a meat one. Unless you go from like North India. North Indians tend to eat a lot more meat.

I wonder if there's a direct connection. I mean, India has always had like an issue with Pakistan. They've been involved in conflicts before. But overall, when people think about Indian people, people from India, they think of them as not being like warlike. They think of them as being pretty peaceful people, right? from India, they think of them as not being like warlike. They think of them as being pretty peaceful people, right? I wonder if there's a correlation between that and the massive amount of people eating plants only.

I wonder. I don't know. It's a possibility. They are a very, you know, they've always been big on meditating and yoga, obviously is ours. Yeah. And centering yourself. And eating hash.

Eating hash. And you go deep, deep, deep, deep, deep into the records. They have some really crazy ancient writings, man, on Vimanus, this flying saucer talk and shit. And some of the old. And Sanskrit's the mother of all European languages. Is it? Mm-hmm. Yeah, you're from a pretty cool place, huh?

It's not too shabby. It's pretty badass. Have you ever been? I'm thinking about all the... No. Oh, you'd love it. All the cool shit that's been from India. Like, that's a very unique part of the world.

Yeah, I think you'd really enjoy it out there. You've got to get rid of those tigers before I go visit. I'm not into that. Your dad can do that. I'm not going to be there for that. Not for the tigers? I used to have this bit in my act about a real thing that happened on the Sundarbans where this tiger jumped into the river,

swam up to a boat that had five fishermen in it, and killed one at a time. Killed three guys. Grabbed them, bit them, dragged them into the water, pulled them to shore, killed them, jumped back in in the water swam back out to the boat grabbed the next guy pulled him to shore these guys thought about they couldn't do anything they were trying to row they couldn't row faster than tiger can swim they swum faster than five guys can row and then then four guys can row and then then

three guys could row so he's two guys left two guys survived and three out of the five were killed by the same fucking tiger who's kept swimming out to the boat jacking them and then swimming to shore with them yeah to him it was like being at a party and uh the hors d'oeuvre tray was coming oh i'll get another one of those please he chased it down i mean what a terrifying third one he was like you know i really shouldn't but okay oh i really wish i saved that video of the tiger running at the guy because it turns off at the last minute i think they fire a gun and scare it but it's running at him at an impossible rate of speed like you see it running you just it forces your your brain to reprocess how fast you can get out of the way. I think we like to think, if something's coming at me, bro, I fucking get out of there.

I run so fast. Yeah. I always think about a dog or something. Even if a coyote came at me, I'm like, I'd punch it in the face. It's not just going to sit there and let you punch it in the face. You start, your tough guy kicks in, and then your reality kicks back in you know well That's what people think they could do to each other, too Yeah, you know guys are always thinking yes fucking guys looking at you. I saw I'm looking at you

I'm just gonna go over there fuck that guy up and you think in your head I got a plan here And I'm gonna say something that I'm gonna hit it with one of these and that's gonna be the end of that Yeah, and then when it's not when the guy like moves his head and hits you with a jab and kicks you in the balls, you're like, oh, no, what have I done? Yes, yes, always. And then you get beat up by his friends. But in your head, you have this thing. That tiger's going to run at me, and I'm going to get the fuck out of the way.

Like the guys that tried to fight Nick Diaz in the bathroom. Yeah, what a great idea. Fucking smart plan, stupid. You know, next time you're going to mouth off to someone, look at their ears first. Just look at his eyes, man. Yeah. He's got scar tissue all over his eyebrows. Wouldn't you just assume that that guy's been into...

Well, they're just drunk dummies. You got a lot of those in this world. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Even when I'm drunk, I'm not that stupid. That's why you're Russell Peters. You're not one of those dummies. We need those guys too, Russell. That's true.

We need to balance out the ecosystem. For now. We just got to raise the level of dummy. Because the level of dummy today, if you take the average dummy, like even those guys that got in a fight with Nick Diaz, if you take those guys and drop them off in the caveman days, they'd be running shit. They'd be the smartest guy in the room.

They'd be able to say, listen, listen, you guys don't know shit. You don't know what you're doing. First of all, we've got to make some shelter. We can't rely on this cave. The bears know where the cave is. Okay, come on, guys. Come with me. They'd figure out tools.

Like, you guys haven't even figured out tools yet? They'd be the foremans. They'd be the foremans. If you could get one of those dummies and bring them back to the point before monkey people invented tools, and he could start making tools, he'd be the king, right? Well, that's what's happening. It's just that was only a million years ago. So evolution is not like, all of a sudden, now we're at.10. No, there's still people at.6.

That guy's at.6. Yeah, that's what I want. People really think evolution is a— It's an even playing field. Yeah, everyone's like, well, then how come? I'm like, because you're an idiot, that's whatever. People really think evolution is a... It's an even playing field. Yeah, everyone's like, well, then how come? I'm like, because you're an idiot, that's why. It's an even playing field. Well, people don't want to admit that life isn't fair, you know, in a bunch of different ways.

It's definitely not fair physically. If you think it's fair physically, go try wrestling LeBron James. Just grab him. You want to feel how helpless you are? Just feel what it feels like if a fucking NFL lineman grabs you by your neck. Just feel how vulnerable you actually are in relationships to how you appear that you are or how you think that you are. What you envision for yourself.

This world ain't fair at all. People have that, what's the fucking word I'm looking for? The way they see themselves is not really the way they are. You know, when I look in the mirror, I still see a 25-year-old Russell Peters. But then when I get honest with myself, I go, what the fuck happened there, kid? You got to stay drunk. Stay drunk and keep moving. Sometimes that's the answer.

A lot of people tell you introspection, yoga, isolation tank. You can go that way. Or stay drunk and keep moving. Like, I love people that do both. Like, Stan Hope's one of my favorites. Stays drunk, keeps moving. Same with Hunter Thompson. Stayed drunk, kept moving.

You still got your isolation tank? Yes, I do. How often? You want to go in it? I do. When? I really do. Say the word.

Any you tell me, whenever you're home. Come on over, dude. We'll make it happen. You're not far from me. No. We'll make it happen, dude. You'll love it. So relaxing.

When you get out of there, you go, whoa. That's it, huh? Yeah, yeah. That's it. I really want to do it. Body feels real good. Loosens up everything. Yeah.

I need that. Just to shut off the world. Do you have a spot in your house where you could put one? Um, no. No? Can you build like a little shack? I could, yeah. You should do that.

I'm going to wait until I move and then I'll do it. Because then I'll have a man cave that I can do it in. Ooh, man cave. Yeah, you want ideally, the best move would be if you had a bathroom that you could sacrifice. If you had a house, I know you're a baller, so you're going to get a nice house. If you have a house and you could sacrifice one of your bathrooms, set it up in there so that you have the shower that's right there. It's already set up for plumbing and all that jazz.

And have the guys from Float Lab set it up. You will value it so much. It's such a nice place to just chill and think about shit and reflect. How long do you do it? The least I do is an hour usually, but I will jump in if I only have 40 minutes. And I said, I just want to get in there right now. I will jump in and do like 40 minutes if I know I have to go somewhere.

But honestly, that is contrary to what it's good for. What it's good for is like the end of the day for me. Like everybody's asleep and I get in that thing. I can just just totally remove myself. Do you fall asleep in there? No, thing. I can just totally remove myself. Do you fall asleep in there?

No, never. I don't think so. Maybe when I jerk off. I don't do that. But the salt. It just stings, stings, stings, stings. You can for sure. I have a hard time falling asleep laying on my back though because I got sleep apnea.

So if I did that, I'd start choking. I think I've developed it. Yeah. It's common. I know I snore like a motorcycle now. Yeah, it's super common, man. Yeah. Super common.

A lot of people have it. It really fucks with your sleep, man. You should do something about that. Sometimes I'll take an Advil cold and sinus before I go to bed. Does it help? Yeah, because it opens up my airways. You're one of them take a pill guys, huh?

Not really, actually. We got to fix you. Yeah. This is what we're going to do. God damn it. First of all, no working out with that Manny Pacquiao trainer anymore. The guy's going to break you. You need to go to Equinox and get a goddamn regular trainer like a gentleman.

I just want to get small. He was making me big. I was way healthier, I guess. I don't know. And now when I laugh, I can feel my core is really good in there. But there's a lot of shit on top of this core right now. Well, I can help you with that. I got a guy I'm going to connect you with, with that.

If you follow his diet, it will, without a doubt, clean you up. We're going to make that happen, Russell Peters, if you really want to do it. My lady loves to cook for me, so she'll cook whatever we tell her to make. It's going to be hard, though. The real way to get your body to lose weight is you got to get off the fucking carbs and the Sugar yes, those are the most addictive things in the world. I know The key is don't torture yourself Relentlessly like every now and then you got to give yourself a break

Yeah, give yourself a little reward when I was training with the reason I would get one day cheat Cheat day yeah, I would go fucking nuts on that day, though. What'd you have? Oh, man. Talk to me. I would have pizza. I went to Tommy's. I had chili cheese fries.

Oh. I had a double cheeseburger. Like, this is in one day. I was going in. Cake, ice cream. I went in on everything. You know my friend Eddie Bravo, right? Of course.

Eddie Bravo used to be on the Atkins diet. Mm-hmm. And then he went from the Atkins diet every day to he would have like a Sunday, and Sunday would be his cheat day. And then Sunday started kicking in around Saturday at midnight. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. And so then he said, well, fuck it, man.

If it's Saturday at midnight, why don't I just do the whole weekend? I don't want to worry about this. Let me start. I'll start it. I'll start the cheat day on Friday. So he went Friday. So it was basically four days atkinson. But when he did one day, when he did one day, he was legendary with what he would throw down. I mean, he would eat stacks of fucking pancakes. He would eat bowls of ice cream, cheeseburgers, pizza. He would go off. I mean,

just go off. And he would do it with such lust, like a guy who had been depriving himself for six days. That's exactly how it was. It was very therapeutic. Like what is the most disgusted you ever felt with yourself on a cheat day? Oh, that was the first cheat day is when I went in. Because I had, yeah, I went to IHOP for breakfast and had the country fried steak with scrambled eggs and cheese. And then I had the pancakes. And then later on I had pizza as a snack. Oh, my God. And then I went to Tommy's because Five Guys was too far because I really wanted Five Guys that day.

Dude, I had chicken fried steak in Montana. Would they really know how to make it? Like rancher style with the country oh yeah it's just so good though it was a glorious cheat meal it was smothered in this this delicious gravy see you don't get that from healthy food. No, I know. You don't get that feeling. There's a crazy carb load feeling that you get. It's a weird warmth. It's a good warmth. A bowl of spaghetti with meatballs.

Like when you're sucking down that. I'm a big fan of the fettuccine alfredo with the chicken. But I usually use penne noodles because I don't want to be slapped in the face with fucking fettuccine noodles. That's a good move. That's a good move as well. I'm particularly fond of linguine with clams with white sauce. Done correctly, no can defend. There's no takedown defense to the linguine with clams.

You know what else is really good, man? Lobster fra diavolo with linguini. I do not know this. Oh, my goodness. You're half a time. You know these things. Three quarters. Three quarters.

One quarter Irish. Yeah, it's a spicy tomato sauce with lobster and spaghetti. Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus Christ, Russell Peters. It's so good. I think you're going to have a cheat day today. You have it with garlic bread and you put some Parmesan cheese on top of it. Just some grated Parmesan on top of that bitch.

God damn, that's good. It's so good. People tell you you never should put cheese on seafood. Like if you get linguine with clams, they tell you not to put the cheese on. And oftentimes, if you go to a proper Italian restaurant, they get mad at you if you try to put cheese on that linguine clam sauce. Those people are assholes. They don't know shit. Because cheese on linguine with clams is good.

They're very protective of the way things are done. In Toronto, the Italians are first generation, so everybody speaks Italian, and they are very Italian. And I love Italian sandwiches. And they get so mad when I walk into the fucking Italian store. They're happy to see me at first. Hey, hey!

And then I pick the bread, and then they go, what do you want on it? I go, ah. Do you have any gluten-free pasta? No, I go, you're gonna get mad. I need butter on the bread. What? And then I go, what do you want on it? I go, ah. Do you have any gluten-free pasta? No. I go, you're going to get mad. I need butter on the bread. They get mad. And then I go, and then I pick the meats, and they're like, all right, that's it. And I go, can I get some mayonnaise on that, too?

Ah, for fuck's sake, you want me to shit on the bread, too? They get so mad. They literally ask me if you want me to shit on your sandwich, too, because you're fucking it up, kid. Well, how can they do that when they're asking you what they like on it? That's one way Subway Superior. They literally ask me if you want me to shit on your sandwich, too, because you're fucking it up, kid. Well, how can they do that when they're asking you what they like on it? That's one way Subway's superior. Subway does not give you a hard time for your choices.

You know, you could just say salami with hot peppers. They're like, okay. And that's why it's Subway, not Subway-o. Oh, this fucking guy. But Kevin James and I went to this Italian restaurant once, and we both wanted linguine with clams with the cheese. And it was like a bit, you going to ask for the cheese? I'm going to ask for the cheese.

Okay. I'll ask for the cheese if you ask for the cheese. Because they don't want to give it to you. They want to give you the linguine with clams. And if you have a dish right next to me. Is he training with Eddie, Kevin James? No, not right now. Why? I know he was training for a bit.

Well, he's done a lot of training with Bas Rutten. Oh, that's right, with Bas. And he did some stuff with Ray Longo. Kevin's actually a really accomplished martial artist. He's got really good hands, very good kicks. He's a real martial artist. He's a big guy, but he can fucking hit hard. It's kind of surprising.

Have you ever seen him hit the bag or hit the pads with Mark Delgrate? It's kind of surprising. Have you ever seen him hit the bag or hit the pads with Mark Delgrate? It's pretty impressive. He doesn't look like a professional fighter, but he's a very competent martial artist. But didn't want to ask for that cheese. Neither did I. Got to keep that cheese coming. But if you were right next to me and you had spaghetti with red sauce and meatballs, they would offer you the cheese. Would you like some cheese?

So you'd make somebody order that on the side? No, you would be right next to me, and he would offer you the cheese, and they would walk away. And I'd be like, what about me? And they're like, sir, we do not recommend the cheese for this because it would be too delicious. You wouldn't be able to handle it. We don't want your euphoria.

Well, they have a very specific taste that you want to take in. They want you to take in the taste of the noodles, the olive oil, the spices, and the clams. That's it. It's perfection. Take it in. Take it in like that. You're like, no. I need to add my own perfection to this perfection. Cheese on this motherfucker. You got any ketchup? Oh, my daughter. My daughter loves the cheese

too, so she'll be like, when I make her a little pasta, she'll be like, Daddy, can I put the cheese? And then she takes it and fucking dumps it on there. Kids love cheese. It tastes good. Plus, it's rewarding you in some sort of weird lactose way. It's giving you some weird, very slow trickle.

Helping the bones. Supposedly, right? Calcium? Yeah. But cheese is way better when it's raw. You ever have raw cheese? No, I have not. I've been getting into raw cheese.

Like the curds you made? No, raw cheese. Like get cheese from a've been getting into raw cheese you mean no raw cheese like get cheese from a place that uses raw milk um i've been getting into that and drinking raw milk i've been drinking a lot of raw milk lately you don't eat goat's milk i'm not i have drinking raw goat's milk but no you're just raw cow's milk you can get it from uh some some sustainable farms and um some like Air One carries it. You drink it cold though, right? Yeah, it tastes delicious, dude.

It's so much better. It goes down easier. Like regular milk feels weird. And one of the reasons why regular milk feels weird is because it's homogenized and pasteurized. And apparently there's enzymes in milk that when you're boiling the milk to treat it and make it so it'll last longer and so it doesn't have any disease in it, you're killing all the good stuff too. So your body's drinking this weird liquidy protein that it doesn't exactly know what to do with. It's like doing chemotherapy on milk. It kills everything.

A lot of it, yeah. In a lot of ways it is, yeah. It's just boiling the fuck out of it. But when you don't have it that way, when you just have cold, raw milk, it's way better. It tastes better it feels smooth when it goes down it's one thing that people uh um comment on when they drink it like wow it's really smooth like because it's got all the stuff in it that you're supposed to drink and people tell you like oh you're not supposed to drink animal milk no it tastes a little

different it tastes better to me to me i think it tastes better i different. It tastes better to me. To me, I think it tastes better. I mean, some people like low-fat milk. I think that shit's disgusting. I'd rather just drink water. Low-fat milk tastes weird. And coffee, I like to put half and half. I like that, too. This is getting to a what-do-I-like show.

I do like me some. Welcome to the Joe Rogan Experience, where we're talking about coffee and things we like in it. Back when there was, like, Milkman delivering milk every day, would it have been closer to... And fucking your wife. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. That's what they did. Maybe raw milk, because they had to do it all the time. Oh, it was 100% raw milk, probably.

I wonder when they came up with the homogenization process. Homogenization, once they did come up with the pasteurization, it's Louis Pasteur. You've got to find out, that's interesting. I wonder how much of that was raw and how much of it was pasteurization that's louis pasteur you got a fan that's interesting i wonder how much of that was raw and how much of it was pasteurized when they started doing that on a big scale but it's it's imperative if you want to like keep it on the shelf like you're not going to be able to keep raw milk on the shelf for very long because i've had it in my house for just a couple of days and it noticeably goes bad in the refrigerator not bad to where you can't drink it but to where

it's like wow this is on the door of getting funky. Sorry, kid. I have to text my ex-wife because I've got to pick up my daughter. What do you got there, Jamie? I found a weird milestones of milk history of the U.S. In 1950, there was milk vending machines. Whoa. But when did they start?

I'm trying to find out. milk vending machines. Whoa. But when did they start? I'm trying to find out. There's a lot of first compulsory pasteurization law in Chicago applying to milk except that from tuberculin tested cows, 1908. 1908. Tuberculin.

Hmm. What is that? Is that tuberculosis? Every other day. Is that brucellosis? Is that brucellosis? Is that brucellosis? Brucellosis is something that cows get that I know. It's like one of the main concerns about different wildlife populations mingling,

especially buffalo. Like some buffalo have brucellosis and they can get it to cows. It says 1919 homogenized milk was sold successfully for the first time in Connecticut. And then a couple more years passed by before, let's see, first farm bulk tanks for milk began replacing milk cans in 1938. And then every other day milk delivery started in 42. And then it was added to school lunches in 46 yeah but when it was in 42 was that homogenized and pasteurized milk when they started

initially as a war conservation measure i wonder if they do it every day and you have an ice box in your house you probably don't have to that's kind of crazy though they relied on a guy to come by with the milk like that's how everybody got their milk also people lifespans, life expectancies were a lot shorter back then. It was. So is this a good thing or a bad thing that we did? They were shorter then? Is that what you're saying? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's because people didn't understand medicine or vitamins. True. Talking 1930. Yeah. They just knocked you over the head when they had to do surgery. Yeah. My dad had scurvy when he was a kid no way

for real no not scurvy rickets he had rickets he had rickets what does that come from I don't know nutrition or something he's had it when he was a baby and then it stunted his growth so he only became like five at his tallest maybe five three five four I think

when we get older in our lifetimes there's going to come a point in time where they laugh at people being sick or people being injured. I think they're going to be able to repair bodies perfectly. They're going to be able to regenerate limbs. Within the next 50, 100 years, there's probably going to be so many crazy advancements to medical science. We're going to look back on injuries and the treatment of injuries the way we do it today.

Well, that's, I think, you know, once they get that stem cell shit right. Have you had any of that yet? No. You know, when I was in India last year on tour, this guy gave me some, like, face stuff. Gave you a facial? Yeah. He was really friendly. And I just stood there gave me some sort of oil to rub on my face that had stem cells in it probably bullshit yeah and he was like oh

you're gonna see it's gonna have an immediate effect and i was like call me bro i'd love to do business with you and then i did it for like two months and i was like nope nothing all it did was give me a couple of pimples that's all it did yeah it's probably bullshit yeah the real stem cell shit they're gonna inject in you they have to keep it cold yeah it's yeah i didn't didn't do anything for me we're gonna be i think the first group of people to see people live like deep into the hundreds i think it's gonna be real weird like what is a 200 year old healthy person gonna be like how strange is it gonna be if they really figure out a way to regenerate tissue and keep someone in a relatively healthy state?

And you get to see the wisdom of someone that's 200, 300 years old. Because you're 40, what did you say you were? 46. 46. How much smarter are you than when you were 26? A whole lot. A whole lot, right? A whole lot.

If you lived to be 146, how much smarter would you be than you now? As long as you're coherent. What if you looked exactly the same? That'd be pretty awesome. That'd be strange. That'd be strange, but awesome. Did you feel guilty if you were getting pussy at 146? Nope.

I was getting pussy when I was fighting at 147. Back in the day. I was getting pussy when I was fighting at 147. Back in the day. I think if they can get the HGH thing right and make it cancer free, I think there's a possibility. There's no correlation between HGH and cancer. The correlation is between abuse of HGH and some issues and also cancer with a bunch of different factors, environmental factors, factors like diet, factors like heredity. There's a bunch of different shit, but there's a concern that if you are supplementing with

human growth hormone and a cancer grows in your body, that it could grow more. That is a concern, but I don't think there's any real evidence to support that concern that I've ever read. But what's interesting about cancer that I've been reading a lot about is when you get your body to, if you get your body to a place where it's used to a bunch of different chemicals that are, are in the environment whether it's pollutants or whether it's you know and something that you work with like like people that work around like really strong chemicals people that work like with automotive stuff like all the bondos and Epoxy's and all that like those people their cancer numbers, whenever you work with a lot of chemicals, your cancer numbers get crazy high.

That seems to be where the big risk is, is diet and people that work around chemicals. There's a lot of people that are out there that they just took a job because it's a good job and it pays well, but you're in a slow death sentence. Absolutely. That fucking sucks man that's got to be the weirdest way to make a living to be trapped in a in a gig where your very job itself is slowly chewing away your body well you were doing comedy in the 90s as well and remember going to clubs on the for the whole weekend and be full of fucking smoke oh yeah i remember i remember just leaving gigs i would just it would fucking reek you couldn't wear the same clothes twice you couldn't you had to shower as soon as you got back home and oftentimes you didn't realize it until you

opened up your bag right yeah you open up your clothes take your clothes out when you got home you're like what the fuck yeah they just stunk like cigarettes but cigarettes if you're a waitress it's the worst like a lot of directly in the line of fire with them then and you're there all the time like in the days when they used to be able to smoke in bars i bet a lot of chicks got a lot of waitresses got a cancer from secondhand smoke yeah i just remembered and the worse the gig the more the smoke for some reason it's just crazy that wasn't that long ago it It really wasn't. It wasn't. I remember when they banned smoke.

It must have been around 2000 maybe? 99 maybe at the latest? Yeah, the weird improvements like that that happened that are pretty goddamn significant at the time, people are protesting like, we want to smoke in bars. We know what we want.

I remember people complaining, saying that pool halls were going to go out of business because they wouldn't allow people to smoke in them anymore. People had to stand outside to smoke. And in the old days, everybody smoked indoors. It's a fucking weird, gross habit. I remember smoking on planes.

Remember that? You know Fitzsimmons, right? Yeah. Fitzsimmons' parents were chain smokers when he was a kid. And they lived in Boston, so it's in the winter. were chain smokers when he was a kid. And they lived in Boston, so it's in the winter. And the windows are closed, locked down,

and they are smoking in the house, chain smoking with the kids. Greg gets asthma. He's got asthma from this. They'd be in the car going on a road trip, smoking in the car, windows. My friend's father smoked. He would do that shit in the car. Wintertime, wouldn't roll down the window. Fuck it, it's too cold.

Make everybody breathe your smoke. Is there any habit like that where you force the consequences of your habit on other people? Maybe alcoholism? Imagine if you dated someone and they farted on you so much, your clothes smelled like farts. You'd be like, God, she just keeps farting. She's always farting on me. I like that we blamed it on her. Well, I'm saying if you dated someone.

I'm saying if you dated someone. I mean, I'm assuming you're not dating any dudes. No, not anymore. But if you were dating a dude and that dude just farted all over you, you'd come home and be like, Mike, we can't fuck anymore. Every time I take my clothes out of the bag, I smell farts. I bring it home. People go, was somebody farting on you? Yeah, Mike was farting all over me. I'm surprised my lady doesn't smell like farts. I bring it home. People go, was somebody farting on you? Yeah. Mike was farting all over me. I'm surprised

my lady doesn't smell like farts. I rip on her all night while we're asleep. He's addicted to farts. And on her leg, too. She doesn't even flinch. She's like, hey. She doesn't flinch when you fart on her? She's like, you're alive, huh? Wow. You just fart on her? Well, it's not like I'm trying to. Do you guys

talk about it? Does it come up? She kind of giggles about it. Wow. She's a trooper. She is a trooper. Thug life. Yeah. That's not good.

Farting on people. But it's essentially what people were doing with cigarette smokes, right? Which is getting in your clothes and you were smelling like cigarette smoke. You were making people smell like what you were into. Yeah. you were making people smell like what you were into yeah and and and whatever disease you were susceptible to so are you now you know it doesn't smell as bad as a fart but it's just it's as obnoxious it's in the neighborhood right it's like a hard left from a fart but it's still gross oh yeah but it doesn't smell like shit, right? No, a fart is, as George Carlin said, shit without the mess.

Is that what he said? Yeah. Let's end it on that. That's the perfect way to end this thing. Powerful George Carlin from beyond the grave gets the best line of the show. Hilarious. Powerful, powerful Russell Peters. Thank you very much for coming in here, dude.

It was fun. Thanks, Joe. Appreciate it. And Indian food, we're going to make it happen, right? Yeah, definitely. very much for coming in here, dude. It was fun. Thanks, Joe. Appreciate it. And Indian food. We're going to make it happen, right? Yeah, definitely. The real deal? Real deal.

Okay. You just let me know. Garlic naan bread? Is that the real deal? Is that American bullshit? No, that's North Indian. You need to make that right. Otherwise, you're getting the North American one.

Okay. You need a special oven for that. This podcast is over. See you next week, fuckers. Okay. You need a special oven for that. This podcast is over. See you next week, fuckers.

Thought we did what we could.