The Joe Rogan Experience - #883 - Kevin Smith

Episode Date: December 6, 2016

Kevin Smith is a filmmaker, actor, comedian, public speaker, comic book writer, author, and podcaster. His latest movie "Yoga Hosers" is now available on Netflix.

Let's fucking do it. Yeehaw, Kevin Smith! We did it again! Is it happening? Yes, sir. We're there? We're here. We're live. This took a while to bring together. Dude, so nice to see you, though.

Excellent to see you. Before we go any farther, or far at all, or do anything, let me just throw out there, I was telling somebody like what are you doing today i was like i'm gonna go talk to joe rogan then i launched into my like 10 minute joe rogan pitch and at the end of it the person i was talking to goes oh like you you've known him a long time i said i've talked to him like twice in person and she was like you just went on a passionate tirade about the man. I said, I don't know how to explain it,

but I love the way he lives. I've loved the man since news radio and then meeting the man and speaking with him on previous podcasts, both his and mine. But not just that. And I love your philosophy. I love the way you do life.

You handle it the way I would if I was you. That's the best compliment I could give. But I'm not you, so I'm your philosophy. I love the way you do life. You handle it like the way I would if I was you. Like, that's the best compliment I could give. But I'm not you, so I'm gutless. And I live through your Instagram. Like, I look at how you live. I was like, this is how a man lives. If only I could be this man. So coming here is an absolute fucking pleasure.

I thought we were going to your house, but that happened years ago, apparently. Yeah, I moved out of the house when people creepy there's too many too many creepy people like when you don't want them coming to your house but you do want them on the podcast i'm like shit when i went like this is it must have been a while ago because megan was still working for me and she drove me and she like had to take a leak she pissed outside we did a five-hour podcast it was so long and then i felt bad i was like maybe that's why he's not having me back at the house he's like we're bringing him to the satellite office because he lets his assistants void in the yard yeah i'm feeling fucking dope sir all right let me tell you

why i made this movie called yoga hosers that just finally came on to netflix and i took it to sundance in january and they bent me over and just, critically speaking, and were just hate-fucking it. They hated this movie. A lot of people reviewed it from the moment we announced it. I'm like, hey, I'm going to make a movie with my daughter and Johnny Depp's in it, and his daughter's going to be in it too. And right away I saw, like, fucking the long sharp knives come out.

And so, as expected, it goes to Sundance. I'm not saying this movie's for everybody. It's for, like, ten people in the world. But the ten people that love it will love it like religion. Well, haven't you always done that, though? You just kind of do what you like to do. Story of my life, dude. If I could turn it around and turn it on you.

What I like about what you do is you're very much an accepted inside guy who lives like some guy from Jersey who's trying to break into the business. Is that? Like, this is useful because you never really understand how people, professionals see you. You know how the world sees you because they'll tell you at any given moment. Joe normal or Sally normal. People who live in the real world and shit. But your peers and people like, we work in entertainment and shit.

Yeah. How? Tell me that again. you're very you're very unaffected you're a uniquely unaffected but also like ineffective at the same time no no you're very effective you're effective at doing what you enjoy and that's why you have such a unique and loyal fan base is because they know they're it's like in this world there's not a whole lot of unique visions. There's a lot of ideas that get brought to producers and executives and a bunch of people pile in. And it becomes more of an idea where it's trying to appeal to a broader audience.

And it switches up. And then someone wants to bring in a love interest. There's all sorts of influences that happen that homogenize as you drink some milk. I know, that was perfect timing. My man breaks his milk. Oh my lord, that was perfect. The perfect timing of a stand-up comic. Well done.

Really, that's the best word for it, because even though if it's good, you don't feel like that guy. Like Tarantino is one of the unique guys where even though his movies are these gigantic mega blockbusters, it feels like Tarantino. he's doing his own thing yeah it feels like this crazy fucker just got the money and the wheels and they're listening to him because he's Tarantino your movies also connects with more people yeah there's more of a like oh yeah that's cool it's cinema of cool because you could just look at even if you don't have an experiential connection to it. Like, oh, I once went to a 50s cafe as per Pulp Fiction.

You're just like, that looks badass. Yeah. Seeing John Travolta dance with Uma Thurman, that's badass. Milkshakes, everything. Yeah, everything about it is just like cinema of cool. And fed by a lifetime of movie loving and a movie diet. Yeah. So if you love movies, here's a guy that distills everything that's the essence

of cool of cinema. And I don't want to keep hitting the cool bell because people are like, come on, that's a hipster term. But it does distill it down to those moments. Not so much like massive arcs,

but ooh, this feels awesome. Yeah. Oh, that's dope. Oh, that's metal. Well, yeah. You have that same kind of thing. Your movies are very... For very few people. Well, your comedies have that same kind of thing. Your movies are very... For very few people.

Well, your comedies... Me, I think I'm the only one left. Your comedies in particular. That was one of the more interesting and unique things about Red State. Because you didn't tell me a word about it. You said, I don't want you to know nothing. Just come and sit there.

Going dry. Which sounded filthier than I meant it to be. And me and Marin sit there and watched it. And at the end of it, we're like, holy shit. Like, holy shit. Like, holy shit. Like, what the fuck was that? That movie was crazy. And it wasn't a comedy at all.

It's nice to be able to every once in a while throw him a curve and be like, oh, he's nice. We thought we saw everything. Like, I always felt most people saw me as like, oh, he did Clerks, and then he's done about 96 variations on Clerks. People need to see Red State. If you haven't seen Red State, that is a... I don't want to say too much because I want people to go into it the way I went into it. Just go see that fucking movie.

But that's another movie where even though it wasn't the same voice, it was still a unique voice. I don't know what it's like to make a movie, but it's got to be a lot of people have a lot of say. It depends what your budget is. The bigger the budget, the more you have to listen to a bunch more people. And you can't be unreasonable about it. If you get tremendous amounts of success, like J.J. Abrams, and you're a nice guy at the same time,

you can get away with being like, I'm going to do whatever I want. And people are like, what you want tends to work, so here you go nuts. But generally speaking, the more money you accept the more input you also have to accept lower the budget and if it's coming out of your pocket you don't got to say shit to anybody or nobody could tell you anything but you know if you're putting together something small it's still a smaller circle of people to kind of answer to you always have to be willing to hear what they're saying somebody's willing to give you ungodly amounts of money to make pretend mind you this is not like i'm going to give you funds and somebody's willing to give you ungodly amounts of money to make pretend, mind you, this is not like, I'm going to give you

funds and you're going to give me eggs, and then I'm going to sell those eggs, and I'm going to make more money selling those eggs. They're like, we're going to give you money and you're going to take this goofy fucking idea you have and try to make it real and turn it into a movie that may work or may not work. It's all crap shit. It's like buying a lottery ticket

to a large degree. No guarantees that there'll ever be an audience for it. So I learned that midway in my career and realized well just work for you sounds masturbatory but it's like if you're the audience that you're trying to hit then you'll always be satisfied you know it's like if you want other people to like it it's subjective and you may not find that people dig what you're doing and you know if you're looking for monetary success good luck nobody can guess that like even when marvel releases a new movie and we know marvel is exceptional at what they do put them in pixar marvel pixar i don't care the best of the best even when they release a movie they clench a little bit because they're

like anything could happen yeah like anything could happen at all so generally speaking they're a little more insulated from like oh shit we lost money well especially those money those marvel movies are so expensive now because they make dude it's like the same thing with the animated movies the animated movies are ungodly expensive to make but they print money and they print money not just the first time they come out at the box office. They print money through all the licenses. They print money where, you know, sometimes you go like they're doing a sequel that. Why won't they do something new? Because they've already built the world.

It's already there in a computer and they're like, oh, we need new script. And we're good. We've done our infrastructure. Like when you think about it, if you were building something, you build all this massive infrastructure and spend three years putting it together and did it once. And then you're like, OK, everybody, goodbye forever. It's kind of a waste of everything you put together. That's why they immediately go for a sequel. A, they know they're going to make money.

But B, they're going to make more money because they don't have to invest as much time and money as they did the first time. So that's what makes a studio go like, oh, that's easier. That's low-hanging fruit. And everyone's happy. You know, it's not like they're making art films that only a few people like. Generally, they tend to make flicks that a bunch of people want to go see.

And that riles up people that want to see newer films or something like that, because, like, why is it always the same movie over and over again? But, you know, I submit to you, if you're going to see a superhero movie, expect a little fucking sameness. It's a story of an exceptional being

with powers that others don't, and hopefully that person will use it for good. You know, you can only cut that cheese so many fucking times and say it's something new. Other than the Watchmen. I think the Watchmen took it to a new place. Yeah, and I love the Watchmen, but at the end of the day,

it's just like people in mass doing the right thing. And yeah, they fucked in space, but other than that, it's people in masks trying to do the right thing. They were murdered, too. They murdered each other. They caught up in Batman v. Superman. I heard there were some murders in that movie. In the movie, I was like, did they say somebody fucking died in prison? And over Batman?

You know, they went in strange directions. But after a year of just just taking it over a movie that nobody saw because it didn't really come out conventionally we toured it and stuff like that yoga users finally goes to netflix and i just want to go back and like here let me just assure people there's something you want to do do it like as long as it doesn't hurt somebody especially if it's something like make something like a movie or fucking comic book or art, whatever, fuck. Don't worry about the consequences.

There was a moment throughout this year where I was like, fuck, what was I? I was stoned. Why did I make that movie? Like, oh, my God, I'm a fucking idiot and stuff. And I forgot somewhere along the way that, like, when I made it, and this isn't a cop-out of, like, I didn't make it for everybody, but I did kind of target an audience for it.

And I knew going in that I was going to have this weird life to get to where it is. I made it for tween girls specifically. I was like, maybe other people could enjoy it, but this is for a tween girl. The way, like, when I was a tween boy, I was clicking around cable and I found Strange Brew starring Bob and Doug McKenzie.

And I was like, oh, my God, like, I've never heard of this before. How come nobody ever heard of this? This is mine. Like, you have a sense of ownership to it. And it changed my life. It was one of my favorite movies and informed what I would become in life, the kind of comedy I would do. You were formed by Bob and Doug McKenzie. By Bob and Doug McKenzie.

Think about it, dude. I made Jay and Silent Bob. You don't get to Jay and Silent Bob without Bob and Doug McKenzie. That's hilarious. It's not a direct line from Cheech and Chong to Jay and Bob, right? That's hilarious. So I felt a direct line from Cheech and Chong to Jay and Bob, right? That's hilarious. So I felt like, I want to make a movie.

I got, you know, I have a daughter and she's 17 now, but for years I was always trying to take her to like flicks where it's not, you know, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Superman, Batman.

It's like, hey, is there a fucking lady up in the mix here that's not just like, and Black Widow, you know, like somebody who's, now they're making a Wonder Woman movie.

But so I said, you can sit around and curse the darkness or you can make, you you light a candle so I was like all right like let's make this thing that I'm trying to take the kid to that I could never find and shit and she got into acting so she's in it and she's the reason I did it if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have tried it and shit but she had a small role in Tusk I thought she did good so I spun off her character and her friend Lily Rose's character into this whole movie so when I was making it i was making it for like you know you want to talk about playing a game of darts it's like you're not going after anybody between girls and i knew in that moment i was

like it's gonna be a long time before they get it they're not gonna find it in theaters it's a fucking weird hybrid midnight movie it's a stoner flick the villains are one foot tall canadian nazis made of bratwurst called bratsies like Like, it's a fucked up, weird-ass movie. So they'll find it. Like, the way I found Strange Brew on cable, I had this dream, like, two simple dreams in regards to this poster, in regards to this movie. I want a poster where two girls just stand next to each other

and they're not, like, fighting over a fucking boy or something like that. They're just hanging out the way, like, Dante and Randall hung out on my clerk's poster. And then, like, it would eventually wind up on Netflix or some streaming service that's like amidst hundreds, thousands of other movies. And some tween girl is clicking through one day, bored as shit and just watched everything and suddenly sees the picture of like two girls standing next to each other, hockey stick and little sausage men and going like, what's that? And like it becomes their religion, their strange brew or something. You know, you can't always go for the world. It'd be nice if you're going to satisfy everybody.

But you're trying to satisfy yourself, which sounds very masturbatory. But at the same time, it's like, I hope people go on the journey. But I'd understand if they can't. Like, sometimes we go in directions where the audience, the entire audience, can't follow us. I'm sure you got some people who love you who are like, yeah, I don't dig on MMA, but I love everything else you do. It's like they could go partially. They can't go all the way with you sometimes. And I get that.

You know, it's like especially lately I've been making movies that are real like fucking dare. Like not daring, but like I dare you to fucking get through this. You know, it's a real like clearly he doesn't give a shit about the audience anymore. He's just making shit to watch their reaction change. And it's not true. There's something there and stuff, but I know that it's a used to be a wider bridge people could cross to get to me, and now the bridge is getting smaller and

smaller, because I'm like, you gotta like this. You gotta be interested in this. Like Tusk, the movie I made after Red State, is a movie about a guy who tries to turn another guy into a walrus. You really gotta be in the mood to see a fucking weird bat shit, stupid movie. That's intentionally like,

well, is this fucking dumb? Is he serious? And like, it plays it so straight and shit. Like we're Argo. So clearly I'm in a very experimental, like,

let me fuck around. I've done enough. I feel good. Let me fuck around. And it finally paid off. That's the point of this whole story. Like after a year, get mass kicked online and people being like,

he fucking lost it and shit. Now that audience is starting to find it now that it's on netflix all of a sudden i'm hearing from fucking tween girls that like the movie and parents of tween girls they're like oh my god how many of them are like 40 year old dudes pretending i hope it is i hope it's all of them dude i don't give a shit at least two it's i'll take them all if they were all 40 year old dudes that said nice things about it. After a year of people being like, it blows. It's nice to have people being like, oh, it blows on purpose. Or, oh, I get it.

Or blah, blah, blah. I got to ask you this. How much of your thought process when you make something is worrying about how it's going to be received? Or dealing with the people that don't like it? Lately, not anymore about about either but sooner or later there's a factor of want to see because that has to do with you know whether the thing makes money or goes at the box office right how something makes money is completely different now you're never counting on like oh people come out and see it in a theater

and shit like that um you know there's a bunch of different revenue streams at this point and stuff, thanks to the digital age. But at that point, when I'm making it, you know, of course you think, hey, somebody's going to see it. It's not like you're doing it in a, you know, kind of like an abyss and nobody's there but you or something like that. there but you or something like that but at the same time you know you're when it's all done just stupid questions like what do you know uh what do you want the poster to look like dictates a commercial thought you know i can't say like i never think about that shit because sooner or later i somebody's gonna ask me a question that i have to you know whether like hey man we get it you're making it for you but you did take a few million bucks like how do we sell this shit how do we get our money back you know so you know then you that's when you start going okay uh how do we get it to the right audience no more like how do

we tailor it or how do we fucking trick them into seeing it or something like that like put it on front street and then dealing with the fallout yeah i used to have to deal with a lot more i used to choose to deal with it a lot more. And now it's just like, I'm 46. Like, I don't know what else to tell you. Like, there was a person who came to one of the screenings on the road. We had the screening at, fuck, I forget where we were. I want to say New Orleans.

And of Yoga Hosers, and I was doing Q&A afterwards. And, you know, everyone's getting up, and they're like, oh, it's fun. It's fucking stupid, and asking questions. And then one guy gets up, and he is, dude he's very serious and he's just like uh okay you told a big long story before that movie began and i did there was a big intro before the movie began told like an hour-long story of how we got there and he goes that story did not match the movie i just watched and i said no and he goes not at all and he goes why did you make that movie he's going i found that unwatchable i was like and everyone in the audience is going oh

and i was like no man he he paid like he overpaid to see this movie if i'm sitting here talking so yeah let him say what he wants like i'm a big boy i'm fine and so he goes i just don't think you ever should have made it it's terrible and I said well you understand that's subjective right like you're surrounded by a bunch of people that feel like the opposite way so you know people were applauding and shit and then some guy behind him in line jumps in

front of the mic and goes you want me to kick his ass and I was like no fuck no I was like everyone's entitled to their opinion I said but his opinion is I never should have done this and you know my answer to that is like that's ridiculous like if if i i wanted to make it like that's the only reason we're here i just want to see it like you could choose not to see it and in this instance i'm really sorry that like you didn't our taste didn't coincide but every time i go to do one of these things i do

it the same way whether it was clerks up to the most recent one i just make the movie i want to see and hopefully others like it. And sometimes they do. And that's amazing. It feels great. And you're like, holy shit, my fingers on the pulse. And sometimes you're fucking alone. But at least you're like, I'm happy with the thing that I made.

I said, but I feel heartbroken that you came out here looking for something I didn't give you. So I said, I'm gonna give you your money back. And I pulled out 40 bucks and I was like, put it on the there's like a riser speaker. And he goes, I don't want that. And I was like, no, man, honestly, it's not a trick. It's not like Jason Mewes is going to come out

and hit you with a hammer. Just take it. Like, I feel bad. I want you to have a good time and shit like that. And he goes, no, I don't want that. And I was like, dude, it makes for an excellent story. Like you could be like, I told him his movie fucking blew to his face

and I fucking took his money and walked out. And he goes, no. And he went and sat down and crossed his arms and just stayed there for another like half hour during the q a so for him it was worth the 40 bucks just to say it i'm gonna vision like just sit here and hate on this and let you know and then sit down again so you know you deal with that but that's the memorable one because that never happens generally speaking like when we toured the movie you're touring in a you're in a safe zone it's like going out on and doing a club night it's like people there are there because they love you they're not gone right I wonder if

this fucking tween sausage movie is for me like they're already dialed in on some part of the journey like oh I've loved task or I've been with them since clerks or so forth and so on. I feel like I'm rambling. Let's talk about fucking useful shit. No, no, you're not rambling at all. It's interesting because the relationship that you have to the people that buy your stuff is very direct. You also have a podcast, so you talk about things in a pretty open and honest way like this. And you express vulnerability, which makes people super uncomfortable does it

really is that your experience not not it doesn't make me uncomfortable no no but in the world and yeah you tell people like oh i fucked up and i'm stupid or i'm fat or my dick's small they're like hey man hey that's too much well i think there's there's two factions there's one faction that that enjoys it and they go hey ke, Kevin Smith is just like me. He's kind of fucked up just like I am. Nobody really ever gets it together. And then there's the faction like, God, I wish he was like Will Smith. Will Smith just seems to have his shit together always.

Will Smith just keeps knocking it out of the park. And the only reason is because we share that last name. That's why there's an expectation connecting me to that guy. I just came up with a guy who never fails. Alright, I thought it was out there in the world. You're like, anyone I talk to says you should be more like Will Smith. Will Smith is essentially a never fail guy, right? Like, name a time Will

Smith has failed. Alright, yes. Look, I'm with you generally speaking. Yeah. He always gets jiggy with it. Yeah. But there have been moments where he too, you know, we saw him be mortal. Wild Wild West was one of the first ones. Yeah, I missed that.

Tiny bit, but he still got to rise. That's a good point. But there have been a couple flicks recently, including the one he did with his kid. Once again, he got punished for making a movie with his kid as well. Yeah. And he's raising those kids in a real interesting way. That's where he gets most of his flack these days.

His son's all about stardust and shit. His daughter's not that far off. Really? Yeah. They're both really creative kids, but they have been raised in a world much different than the world that most people are raised in. Nothing wrong with that, but it's produced very interesting results. Yeah.

are raised in. Nothing wrong with that, but it's produced very interesting results. Yeah, and I guess if you're that sheltered, like your dad is some super movie star type character, your transition to regular, ordinary adulthood is probably super confusing. I got one kid, and I'm not fucking Will Smith by any stretch of the imagination. I ain't even fucking Joe Rogan, which is not saying you ain't Will Smith, but I guess it kind of is. I'm definitely not Will Smith by any stretch of the imagination. I ain't even fucking Joe Rogan, which is not saying you ain't Will Smith, but I guess it kind of is. I'm definitely not Will Smith. So, but I got, you know, I've done some shit, so some people know me and stuff,

and I got a kid, and I was talking to her recently, and it came out that she was like, well, it's, yeah, it can be hard to be your daughter. And I was like, what are you talking about? I was like, I put you in things, I'm making it stuff, and she goes, no, it's not yeah, it can be hard to be your daughter. And I was like, what are you talking about? I was like, I put you in things, I'm making this stuff. And she goes, no, it's not that you make it hard. It's that there's this expectation.

Like, you did something. And now if I don't do something, what the fuck? And I'm like, oh, don't worry about that. I did one thing like 22 fucking years ago, and that's it. Like, all you have to do is find one trick you can take your whole life if you need to but i said nobody expects you to be me and this is a common not theme but like i've had a moment like this before once with like scott mosher the guy that i do smog cast with and i made like all the early flicks with like he would always say it's

tough to live in your shadow and i was like what shadow we make everything together and he goes well we make your stuff and every time i think about going to make something i got to compare it to the shit that we made together and it makes me go well maybe i'm not ready to try it and i was like well i'm that's not my fault he's like i'm not saying it's your fault it's just tough to to live in your shadow and you know i thought maybe that was his thing years later heard the same shit from my wife she's, it's just tough to live in your shadow. I'm like, what are you talking about? We don't even do the same things. And she's like, but I can't even think about doing things now without thinking, well, he's kind of done something like that.

Or is it going to be compared to something he does? And I'm like, you're out of your mind. Everything I do fails. And nobody ever holds it as a high watermark. So it's not like they would hold you to some same high standard that they don't even hold me to so there's a bit of that man now my kid is echoing it a little bit where through no fault of my own not like i've created this you know like live up to my standard i'm like everyone do what you want man even with the kid i've never talked to her like a kid i've always talked to her like an adult but now even my kid is just like

Even with a kid, I've never talked to her like a kid. I've always talked to her like an adult. But now even my kid is just like, yeah, it makes it tough to go do something because of you. And it's not like you did it, but you do a lot and there's a high bar. And I'm like, it makes me feel bad. It makes me go like, all right, do less. But I'm like, I got one life. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I got to accomplish a lot before my old man died at 67. Like, I don't know how long I'm going to live, but I want to accomplish as much as I can and create and do shit and experience things. Enjoy your time here. Yeah. And I don't want to take away from all these other people's time. You know what I'm saying? I want her to enjoy her time and my wife to enjoy her time and Scott to enjoy his time. But the sad fact of the matter is, in order for you you to rise usually someone in your life falls and it's not a precipitous like oh i've fucking broken but they can't be rising like you when they're helping you

build your shit that's something i had to learn to deal with way early on in my career i used to take advantage of people and not in the way of like oh i'm trying to take advantage of you but i was like oh we're just working on my thing because what else will we be working on and hey isn't this all great that we're working, period, and stuff? And you forget that not everybody started wanting to do your thing. Like Scott's whole thing was, you know, I didn't go to film school to become a producer of your movies. I went to film school to write and direct. And I've been having a great time doing your stuff.

But that meant 10 years of me not even trying to do the thing that I went to do. So it's a weird feeling, man, especially because I never really feel successful. I'm never like, well, I understand. I understand I cast a wide shadow, but I don't think it's a very long shadow because I'm like, there's no high bar here, kids. There's a high bar in as much as like, you know,

I smoke a lot, but there's no like, well, he made the Matrix, motherfucker. Like how are you going to be the kid or the guy that made the Matrix or the ladies that made the Matrix now?. Like, how are you going to be the kid or the guy that made the Matrix? Or the ladies that made the Matrix now? Like, that would be tough. I imagine growing up, their kids, like, hey, man, your parents made the Matrix.

Like, yeah. Hey, let me ask you this, because you probably wouldn't know the answer to this before we get back to the subject. Because the subject's really important. Obviously, I'm using you like a therapist today. Whatever the fuck can happen to that lawsuit? Remember, there was a lady who wrote a book, and she said that she had submitted that book to those brothers that made The Matrix, and that is the exact same story. I didn't hear that. And then it went to court. It did go to court?

Yeah, it did go to court. It's really interesting similarities. How close between what she wrote and the actual thing? I don't remember, because it was quite a few years ago. But I thought maybe you would know about this. Snopes says it's false. Snopes is a Hillary Clinton shill organization designed to keep the white man

down. I don't get political, man. This is the one place people should run in politics. It's not even real. It's not real. I saw your Instagram post on election day where you were like, what happened? It was a picture of the results. Yeah, it was amazing. I think that might have been the place where I actually learned of the results.

I enjoy chaos to a certain extent, so I'm looking forward to this. I really am. I wouldn't be looking forward. You live in interesting times, as they say. Yes. I would not have been interested in Hillary Clinton doing the same goddamn thing that she's been doing. And I'm not a big fan of how he behaves as a human. What's up?

It's not false that... It's false that she won the large judgment. Okay. I guess in 2005 there was a court case and I guess she never showed up to court for her preliminary hearing. Maybe they paid her off. Because she was in the Matrix.

Maybe they paid her off. Somebody disconnected her and she was fucking trapped and shit. She saw a cat on the way there twice and she was in The Matrix. Maybe they paid her off. Somebody disconnected her and she was fucking trapped and shit. She saw Cat on the way there twice and she was like, fuck. It's entirely possible that she just got paid. That's the other option. Like, you know, what was she, how much was she necessarily, was she like, I want half? Or was she like, give me 50 grand, I'll go away.

It's a good question. But The Matrix obviously is a pretty goddamn big movie. Apparently her story was remarkably close. I mean, look, and I'm not taking anything away from them or her, but, you know, like, there are archetypes in that story. And like that, that movie's brilliant. Of course. But it's like nobody can really go like, well, I've never seen anything like that before. I mean, it is kind of like, go to the Bible.

It's a Jesus story on some level right like messianic in nature but if you're talking about motherfuckers are in big batteries that power a fucking machine that we're all in and plugs in our head then it gets very very close isn't that even but even that concept that of one

day we're going to live in some sort of a virtual reality that's not a new concept you know that concept's been explored like do you remember have you watched are you watching westworld oh yeah god it's good that's you want that is discussing that very subject while being vastly entertaining and you're like oh my god this is a great idea but also they are going into the idea of consciousness and there are a few times as you watch that show not where you're like are we in someone's fucking game but you start sitting there going everything we know about what we understand to be reality except to be reality is a social contract in many ways like ideas and thoughts that we all agree on and stuff about what is real what is important like that's

why when you meet people who are like don't want to have kids you know some people are like well that's fucking weird it's like no their reality is like kids are not a part of their reality never were like it's just not in them and stuff like that um i think i think you know this year with the election we've seen literally we've seen reality challenged the thing that we all understood to be apparently was not. And now, you know, things are vastly different. I don't know where I'm going with that. Save me.

It's just it's just the unique thing about it is that we have been living under this illusion that it either had to be one of these people, like a Democrat, or one of these people are Republican, and that these people are politicians, and these are the people that won presidencies. I think, you know, I don't want to say there's a faction out there, and I don't want to, we should really just stay away from this. But I will. Look, I'm a guy who always tries to find the silver lining to a situation. So I did not vote for this president, but I did not campaign against this president and stuff.

You know, I went another way. It didn't work out. It's not the first election where I voted for somebody that did not win. But being the person I am, you know, I'm not going to sit there and be like, fuck the next four years. Like, no. Like, you know, I've lived through presidencies that I didn't agree with and things work out. I hope it's going to work out this time. But this is what I'll say. It's new. It's new. We might see.

And I'm not saying burn it all down and see what happens. But we've had how many years of a two party system, essentially, where it's like, yeah, there's lip service to a green party and lip service to another party. where it's like, yeah, there's lip service to a Green Party and lip service to another party. But we, for all intents and purposes, I mean, I know it was claimed by the Republican Party, but we saw a huge upset of a third-party candidate. If it happens once... They didn't want him in.

If it happens once, that means it could happen again. There's now a new model. There's a new path. He was always a Democrat his whole life. That's what I thought. Yeah, he was for the longest time. I mean, he was... I grew up in Jersey, so I was very familiar with the man in his work throughout my life and stuff He was a prominent figure in the press always always. Yeah, he always seemed very liberal leaning and Democratic Well what he did is essentially

And he played a certain Group of people in this country and he got to this ultimate position in power, and we're not sure. I mean, look, he's 70 years old. You don't think he's a crafty guy? Like, he's probably pretty good at getting people to like him as a certain person. Who he really is, like, I think you probably got to get to know him to find out

who the fuck he really is. But also, I honestly feel like, to some degree, and I'm not taking anything away from him but anybody could have just popped up and been like i'm the other person i'm not her right i'm not him she carried so much baggage and that's the thing too and they were asking and essentially democratic party was going come on america like let's vote a woman in come on like we just had the black president, America. Let's vote a woman in. Come on. We just had the black president. That was amazing. Let's have a woman president.

And I think if they'd gone with almost any other candidate that didn't have as much baggage, it'd be a different story. But they were asking you to like somebody who I didn't have an issue with, but a lot of people have got a big issue with. If she was a man, it would be a giant problem. But we gave her- What do you mean? Well, if she had all those problems,

if she, you know, all the campaign... All those shit. I don't know. We saw a guy with a lot of problems and he seemed to squeak through. But I'm saying if she was a man and she was up against Trump and she had all those problems,

she would be crushed. She would have no chance. But because she was a woman... Oh, you think she got further because of that? Oh, 100%, man. There was a lot of people that wanted to make history. They wanted to make history because, look, from a social standpoint, Barack Obama was very important. Because here was a super articulate guy who was really calm.

And he has a very even presence about him, always. You never see him riled up. You never see him crazy. Even like he gets heckled. You see that thing where the Trump supporter was heckling him and he handled it with grace. He's just a graceful guy. That's like probably the best way to describe him. You know, like that was important for the country because that represented like, wow, hey, here's this black guy who's super articulate and so calm and so like the way he expresses himself is so perfect for a president.

So presidential. Like, what a perfect example for our country. This is us. And then I think a lot of people felt like Hillary Clinton would be another one of those things. Like, look, we can have a woman running things. We're not sexist. Like, look, we are a really articulate, incredibly well-experienced woman who's been in business for a long time with the government.

She's deep inside the machine. In public service since she was a teenager. Yes. But it was just too much. It was just too much shit for people. But I think if that was a man and she had all those same problems it was a man and tied to some foundation that was getting all these people that eventually got arms deals and they donated and they're all part of this weird sort of incestuous political world a man would be skewered with that same record because Trump

was running as an outsider. What he had going against him is he's boorish and he says ridiculous shit. And they could point to that recording of him talking about grabbing pussies and they're like, look, look, look who we have here. That was the big thing against him. But at least to these people that hate the system, he was an outsider. If she was a man, she would have represented even more of an insider, I think, to a lot of people.

I think her actions and what she's done in the past versus her as a woman, that was sort of a situation there. Have you ever seen the video where she was talking about Gaddafi being killed? No. It's a crazy video, man, because she's joking around. It's before they interview her, and she goes...

It's like before the official interview starts, like she makes a crack about something? Yeah, she had just found out that Gaddafi had been killed, and she was like laughing about it. She goes, we came, we saw, he died. Ha, ha, ha. And she throws her head back, and she's laughing. She it. She goes, we came, we saw, he died. Ha, ha, ha. And she throws her head back and she's laughing. She was kind of hawkish.

Woo, she was hawkish. If that was a guy, if a guy did that, he would have been thought to be a fucking serial killer, a sociopath, right? If a guy did that, like say if Joe Biden, like we came, we saw, he died. Ha ha ha ha! People would be like, do you want that guy in charge

of the fucking nukes? But we let her go. We'll give her a pass. There's a lot of stuff that she's done where people give her a pass. They put a more interesting cat in charge of the nukes. Oh. There should be no president. This is what I say. Everybody's like, well, who do you think should be the president?

If you have a problem with Trump or if you have a problem with... No human being should be in control of 350 million human beings. Explain. It's a preposterous job. Explain. There's way too many of us. It's impossible. So then how would it be done?

We don't have to do it this way. No doubt. No doubt. Because we've always done it this way. What's the idea? I don't have one. But we can't have an alpha champ. Let's figure it out right here. We're't have to do it this way. No doubt. What's the idea? I don't have one. But we can't have an alpha champ. Let's figure it out right here. We're smart. The internet. What about

education, the internet, mind reading? Well, essentially, does it come down to... What was that movie with the girl who shoots bows and arrows and shit? Oh, Hunger Games? Hunger Games. Can we district the country and then there are heads of district or same thing?

We'll go to war with each other. You're absolutely right. Can't do that. All right, so that's gone. This is a think tank, kids. This is how it happens. You've got to throw out every idea to get there. That was one.

Even states are problematic. So then what is- Because people are like, fuck Utah. This is Texas, son. That's true. Oh, shit. I grew up in New Jersey and New York hated us. Fucking everybody hates everybody.

We hated Boston. We hated Pennsylvania. Oh, yeah. You hated Pennsylvania. New York hated Boston. Fucking everybody hates everybody. We hated Boston. Oh, yeah. You hated Pennsylvania. New York hated Boston. Connecticut got a pass. Okay, so states- Connecticut was like some little kid with a limp.

Like, ah, don't pick on us. Well, Connecticut doesn't get mentioned in the tri-state area. Whenever they did commercials, it would be like New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania. Exactly. I didn't know. I thought Connecticut was New Hampshire until years and years later. Connecticut is a highway. It's a highway between Boston and New York. Spoken like a poet connecticut's highway everyone connecticut's like

fuck you they are like fuck you but you know what i'm talking about bitch bitch you know i'm right all right wait no states because we war with each other yeah can you something somebody has to govern no they have to be police and shit like that. I think the best way to probably handle it is let every human being have a say. Every human being that's of adult age, I think registering to vote should be just as fucking easy as getting an email.

It should be just as easy as doing everything else that you do online. You got a Twitter handle? You should be able to vote. You should be able to use your ID, like whoever you are, whatever your name is, call yourself whoever the fuck you want. That is one individual vote. That's what I think. And I think as long as we can figure out how to make that system pure, where people can't hack into it, you can't log in from 15 different computers. If you have a fucking birth certificate and your birth certificate

aligns with this number and that's this and this is you, as long as they can figure out how to make it so people don't hack into it, everybody who's an adult should be allowed to vote. What are we voting for, though? What are we voting for? Including people that have gone to jail. I think people that have gone to jail. The idea that someone goes to jail for four years and now they can't vote for the rest

of their life, I think that's fucking crazy, too. That's ridiculous. Especially if you pay your debt to society back, and you should be able to reenter society. Exactly. You tell them you can't be a 20-year-old and do something stupid and rob somebody or something, and then I'm supposed to think of you a certain way for the rest of your life?

You're 80 now. You robbed somebody when you were 20. That's still you? You're a dangerous man talking about tearing down institutions. But institutions are a problem no matter what. They're always a problem. I think the real issue is government, right? Governing us. So the real issue is what everybody wants is safety, security, protection, and unity. That's what everybody wants. All the other stuff in terms of like restrictions on your behavior, we have to just figure it out out cut it down the middle between hurts other people

and hurts yourself and hurts yourself you're on your own just like you're on your own with rock climbing just like you're on your own with bungee-joping so wait give me an example like doing it in high school on your own. It's a hobby. You're on your own. In high school, they'd call it an elective. Yeah. Yeah. How come you could just go to the roof and jump off but you can't do heroin? Like, no one will stop you. You can go to your roof and practice backflips off your fucking roof. You're making so much sense. I'm ready to

boot, dude. I'm ready to fucking jack a needle in my 12-gauge it right now. When you have people telling other people what to do, you've got a tyranny. You've got a tyranny. Yeah. You've got a fucking problem. Even if they sort of can get away with it because it's written down on paper. Did you agree to it? No.

Nobody asked you about child labor laws. You've never. No one's pulled you aside. I haven't had a say in that for years since I was a child. No one's pulled you aside and you've decided know, and you have decided with them how old you should be when you drink. Right. No. It's all been done. It's all most people don't have a say. It's all

written down somewhere and the amount of people that vote versus the amount of people that are affected by that vote, completely disproportionate. It's really weird, man. It's really weird. We have a ton of systems that are set up completely to do two things one to control people and two to ensure the survival of these systems and that's what

bureaucracy is that's a giant problem with government like the dea the dea wants so badly to keep arresting people for marijuana because if they don't they don't have jobs i'm like i better not light up perfect timing again It's perfect timing again. Dude, you and I are in sync. What do you mean? Why? Because they have jobs. Their jobs are going to go away.

There's plenty of other drugs. Dude, there's so little. 46% of all arrests, they said, what was the number? More people are arrested today or have been arrested today for marijuana than all other arrests combined. You see me smoking, man. You want me watching the door for the next hour where I'm like, what is that? I heard a noise. What are you doing?

But we live in the correct state, right? Yeah, right now. Tell me I'm right. Well, we live in several correct states. If you're going to scare me, then throw me a dick tickle a little bit. Like, tell me everything's going to be okay. Mm-hmm. Okay.

We're here. Washington State, Oregon. With the West Coast. Washington, D.C. One large smoking section. Washington, D.C. and Boston now. Massachusetts. My state.

And Florida is medical, not legal. Yeah, a bunch of medical. Huge step, though, for Florida. What are the other legal states? Alaska? Alaska's legal. Yeah, a bunch of medical. Huge step, though, for Florida. What are the other legal states? Alaska? Alaska's legal. Fuck yeah, Alaska. Are gangsters to the north?

Do you believe the... I love Alaska. Do you believe the theory that as goes California, so goes the Union? Like, for years they said, if California goes legal, there you go. That's interesting. I think there's going to be states that resist it still. There's guys like that Jeff Sessions guy who's coming into office with Trump who could be an issue. But I don't think he will be because I think Trump is a business person.

Yeah, he's a business person. He's not just a business person. He's a populist, right? He's going to want people to like him. And it doesn't make sense. It's not a logical move. Well. As weird as he is, he's not illogical.

Like Hillary Clinton was illogical. And this is why I say that. Because I got a lot of shit from people that are like super pro, hashtag I'm with her. And I'm like, look, man, she didn't support gay marriage until 2013. Do you know how crazy that is? Until 2013. Do you know how crazy that is? Until 2013, Hillary Clinton was saying that she believes that marriage was between a man and a woman.

It was a sacred union, and it should be protected. So it's one of two things. Either she actually believed that, or she was in bed with people who were forcing her to behave that way or say that. Or she thought that she had to say that in order to get elected. Either way, you're not getting an authentic person. Either way, no. No. You can't. You can't. You can't be a part of that.

I attended my first gay wedding in 1994, right before Clerks came out. My brother married his husband, Jerry. They're still married to this day. Whoa. So they've been married for 22 years, which is like 108 years in straight people years. Yeah, man. That's deep. Part of going outside the box is like, I don't have to live like the normies, man.

I could just. Yeah, I can't even get you pregnant, bitch. I can roam this earth like fucking Cain in Kung Fu. But they've been committed to each other and been in marriage for like a long, long time. And the best thing about that wedding, like it was great. Number one, seeing my happy and and get married and stuff but like a part of the wedding when the shit gets slow and you're like oh man let's get out of here yeah you know and and it's just middle midway once everyone's toast to everybody the dancing's

beginning that's not for everybody a drag show started like all of a sudden donna summer and diana ross oh yeah came down staircase and it wasn't a real thing. But boy, they fucking looked it and put on a huge show. And my father was still alive and he just had a heart attack at that point or a couple heart attacks. Stroke as well. Two heart attacks and a couple strokes. So he walked to the cane and one of his hands is like Bob Dole, like just kind of hanging there and stuff like that. So him and my mom are at this

gig at the at my brother's wedding and there we are like on the dance floor watching the uh the drag show and you know the performers are lip-syncing like famous songs and my mom was she had a lot of drinks in her my mom is like fucking boogieing and she's got like you know extra fucking weight like every smith and so you know she's she jiggling here and there and stuff like that in her sleeveless dress my old man was dressed in like a suit that didn't fucking match just put it together and shit like that but he had his hand on my mom's back and with his weekend was kind of leaning on the can but using her more for stability so his hands on her back while she's dancing and stuff and i watched you know i'm standing right

behind him i watched through the course of the fucking song my old man's hands slide down my mom's back then spin in a pretty fluid motion for a guy with a couple strokes and go right for the ass cup and not stop on cheek son but dive deep spelunking for gold like he he went right inside and cupped it like this shit's mine christ and and i will never forget that i told my brother i was like my god like you don't realize that's never gonna happen in any other wedding but yours man like my father was just like, I'm free motherfucker. And he started grabbing his wife,

my mother. Now they were married. So that's okay. She wanted it. She didn't fight him. She was just like, she was, uh,

she was, I've had discussions with my mother since about that night. Cause now I'm a grown adult. You talked to her about getting scooped. Of course, dude. Of course. I don't want to leave this earth.

Not knowing. It's like, you know, I don't want to have a propriety relationship with my mother. I've to her about getting scooped? Of course, dude. Of course. I don't want to leave this earth not knowing. It's like, you know, I don't want to have a propriety relationship with my mother. I've had her on the podcast. We've talked about shit. But I asked. I was like, Dad, you guys looked randy that night. Did you guys have sex? She said, oh, yes. And I was like, I knew it! I knew it! Randy. Randy's a weird word. What if your name was

Randy? You'd be all bummed out. The people expect to be horny all the time time if my dad's name was Randy she's like I feel Randy all the time film in certain places others where were we grabbing pussies

president president pops grabbing pussies oh people that aren't truthful and this is like another thing I want to say to people that

think that I hate Hillary Clinton oh man you just will not leave the politics alone it's your show go ahead I think but this is what I, it's not even a politics thing. It's a human thing.

Okay. I think we owe ourselves, like, as human beings, to not accept, like, blatant lies. And I don't think it's good for her either. I don't think it's good for everybody. I mean, the rub is supposed to be that once you're in your 60s or something like that,

that you're done. You're done developing. You're done growing. Is that true? I don't know. I don't think it's good for everybody. I mean, the rub is supposed to be that once you're in your 60s or something like that, that you're done. You're done developing. You're done growing. Is that true? I don't know. I don't think so. I think you're alive. If you're alive, you're a person.

But we have categories of people, right? We have people that were 20, always young, stupid, made a mistake. And then we have categories like in your 60, you're never going to learn anything. You're done developing. They're stubborn. They're stuck in their ways. Let's just accept the fact that she lies all the time. There's this video of when they were talking about the emails and this video of the director of the FBI talking versus her talking.

She would say what the director said and then he would say what he really said. It was ridiculous. It's like you see that she's being dishonest. That's not good for anybody, man. It's not good for anybody man it's not good for her it's not good for us and i think for a person like her this is probably just a system that she's been competing in forever yeah and that's how this system operates makes you and she's really good at it and she was a lawyer and she knows what you can say and what you can't say and how you can kind of distort things to make them seem like they were better than they were. We're still talking about her at this point?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because that sounds like him as well. Well, all of them. But doing that, when you do that, when you do that and we see that, that's not good for us if we say yes to that. It's bad for us. As a nation.

It's bad for us as a culture. No, it doesn't. Not as a nation. Just as a group of human beings where one person at a very high level is supposed to be expressing for us. Like, if you're going to be the person who's expressing things for us. But don't you think that's impossible? Exactly. That's why we can't have a president.

As you said at the beginning. Oh, yeah. But, I mean, it's. So then what's the. Do you have a binary presidency? Yes. One president who speaks for one half. One president who speaks for the other half?

No, I don't think we should have a president, man. Because then you're back to warring factions. I don't think we should have a unique individual or even a small group that runs this thing. I think it's crazy. How was it done before we got here? Native Americans. The problem is it was done in small groups because everybody was a small group. There were tribes. And even if you came over on a boat, you came on a boat with all those other psychopaths that were willing to hop across the ocean with you. How many could get on the boat? A thousand? I mean, what's the most amount of people they had on, like, one of those boats?

Why don't you Google that? Like the Mayflower. You've got to really have a sense of adventure to get over here. You've got to be a crazy person. Yeah. Right? And really hate it where you are. Small towns, small groups, little villages.

I mean, that's essentially why we had representative government in the first place. Because these guys in Utah couldn't really talk to the guys in D.C. Like, somebody had to talk for you. You're over there. It would take you months to get there. So they have to decide how the fucking thing runs. So you have to vote in your little spot. And this guy sends his vote.

102 passengers. Jesus Christ, that's no one. Which one? The Mayflower. 102 passengers. Jesus Christ. That's no one. Which one? The Mayflower. 102 passengers. That's it? Half died the first winter. Half died the first winter.

They got here with 102 and 51 made it? Holy shit. Half died the first winter. They fucking froze to death. Just think about that when you're like, how come I can't fucking get Wi-Fi in the subway train? Oh my God. 102 people sailed the ocean blue. Oh my God. That's my god and it probably was blue back then and then came here with an idea let's start america yeah imagine what the ocean was like back then probably amazing

you know those little things that make those weird plastic bead islands out in the middle of the year no yeah i have seen that that Hauntingly beautiful, but very disturbing. Yeah, and birds choke on it and shit. I read an article that said that seagulls or birds in general are attracted to the smell of plastic. Well, I've read something they're saying because a lot of plastic has food on it. Like even if it's like in a microscopic small amount. That would make more sense to me, yeah. Yeah, well, a lot of our plastic comes in contact with food for sure. But I read another thing about a certain type of bird that lives on this one island where it's a real epidemic that these mama birds are bringing back plastic and feeding it to their babies. Oh, my God.

Yeah, there's these babies. It's like a supervillain plot. It's awful. There's these bodies of these birds and their stomachs are filled with plastic. And, you know, they're rotting. Their bodies are decomposing. And the plastic is just sitting there exposed. Yeah, it's super dark.

Can we talk about something? You're harsher than I was. Well, I was in Hawaii recently, man. And I was with this dude. This is not a very positive thing either, unfortunately. He's been a commercial fisherman for a long time. His name is Steve. Shout out to Steve.

Okay. Steve and Scooter took me out fishing. But when we were fishing, he was telling me that he's been doing this forever. And he lived in Costa Rica and ran a fishing camp out there. And now he's doing it out of Hawaii. And I was like, well, how much of a difference have you seen over the last few years? He goes, oh, it's huge. It's a huge difference. He's like, between now and like 10, a few years? He goes, oh, it's huge. It's a huge difference.

He's like between now and like 10, 20 years ago, like 30 years ago, the amount of fish. He's like, it's just totally different. Less fish. Way less fish. And then he sort of explained to me all the different methods that these commercial fishing corporations use, that how they go like hundreds of miles off sea they have these massive nets they capture these tuna

and they can them on the boat like they have this system and they're just thousands and thousands of pounds of tuna just scooping it up, killing them canning them, like you don't think about it when you go to the store

and you see canned tuna, you think, I'd like some canned tuna. Ooh, I remember StarKist. I could go for a tuna salad sandwich. Sorry, Charlie. With whole wheat and some nice alfalfa sprouts on that, maybe a little cheese. What's the best tuna?

Come on. Chicken of the sea. Or how about a grilled cheese sandwich with tuna, where you butter the outside of the bread and you put some tomato on that bitch, and you some tuna and you put a bunch of slices of a sharp cheddar and you cook that shit. Come on, man. Well, the problem is you've surrounded the meal with so many cool adjectives. Yeah.

And made it sumptuous that we forgot that the heart of it is a dead fish killed at sea and canned at sea. Dude. With relatives looking up going like, there's hell. Hell on a boat. I don't know what kind of bitch ass shit you're talking about. I'm talking about tuna melt. That's a delicious American sandwich. What the fuck?

Truly American. This guy was describing it to me and I was seeing it in my mind like a horror film playing out. I was seeing it in my mind like that. Obviously, the ocean's giant. It's gigantic, but it's been going on these large scale efforts for so long that it's just chop, chop, chopping away at the number of fish. And he was really scared of it. He was really scared of it. He was like, I just don't know how much longer it's going to last. So there could be an end to fish in our lifetime? I just don't know how much longer it's going to last.

So there could be an end to fish in our lifetime? Well, there's a lot of speculation that by 2050, we literally would have killed most of the fish in the sea. If we continue escalating the way we have from 1960 to 2016, population now 7 billion. Let's just assume it's going to double by 2050. I mean, I don't know what the number is. What's the projected population by 2050? I got to imagine it's double. You ask the most interesting questions, right? Isn't that a weird thing?

I always ask people shit like, who's that guy who played that wizard once? I ask that too. And you're like, what's the population going to be by the year 2050? It's like you're making big decisions now. Almost 10 billion. So I was off by quite a bit. There can't be enough fish in the ocean for that right 11 billion by 2100 oh jesus 9.7 billion in 2050 yeah there's not enough fish there's no way does it go to soylent green they'll be like uh we gotta start consuming? Well, they have a method now, apparently, where they can make Petri dish, you know, like stem cell created meat.

I don't know how the fuck they do it. I have zero understanding of the process. But I know that they did it a long time ago, and it was so expensive that they did it like one cheeseburger would have cost like a quarter million dollars. Like so expensive to produce. But it was more of like sort of a test subject like okay now we know that we could do this let's make the process more efficient let's figure out how to large scale down people if they can do that but if they can do that they can literally grow meat with no body there won't be a body attached to the meat it would just be be meat. I don't understand how it works, so I don't understand what do you fuel that meat with? How does it grow?

What is it eating while it's growing? It has to take something in in order to get larger. It's not just pulling air out and getting bigger. So what are you feeding it, and how does that work? Is that ethical? Can we watch? Yeah, can we watch? Can you animate it?

How does that shit work? Can it suck my dick? How far can you take this this? How warm is it? There's a lot of questions that we would want to ask. But I mean, that's some Westworld shit. I mean, they're there. If you can make a leg of a fucking cow, you can make a leg of a fucking person. You can just do it. It just takes some time. I know a guy with a metal femur. He has an artificial femur. He got bone cancer. Yeah. And so one of his legs is like a metal rod that goes down to his knee. Like they replaced his femur with a bone, with a metal bone.

Like they can start doing that to the whole body, which means if you can make some sort of a nervous system, you're like halfway to a person. You can make meat and you can make artificial bones. You make an artificial skeleton, you cover it with meat. You've got a Westworld thing going on here. That's true. They can make hearts now. Well they have, they showed you the Westworld characters underneath their skin, it's all robotics.

What you're talking about is an organic form of- Yeah, I think the Westworld thing is a little off on how it's going to go down. I think it's probably going to go down, but it's going to go... I think this fucking HBO show got it wrong. I think they're bullshitting us, okay? I think it's a part of the elite strategy. They figured out a way to make a human heart in a Petri dish. A fucking beating human heart with stem cells.

Really? Yeah, see if you can find that. Is this associated at all... It's insane. To the Russian scientists or the German scientists, the ones who used to cut off dog heads and feed it and shit. I'm sure. Did you ever see that?

It's a stem cell gun that helps burn victims or heal burns and daze, it says. I've seen that. I've seen that. It's insane. It sprays stem cells like a little mister. It sprays stem cells like a little mister and those stem cells cling to the zone The tissue especially like when they're recently injured and it heals up super quick. Holy crap It's fucking crazy, dude I mean that was one of the most devastating injuries a person can get because it's a giant organ

Like a big burn like that is devastating 90 minutes that's insane permanent results within days as the stem cells regenerate the skin leaving no scars fucking amen now if you're giving your own stem cells nobody can get all shitty about that right well the stem cells that they're using now they can get them from women when they have cesarean sections they take it out of the placenta i I've had it shot into my shoulder. I had a shoulder injury. I had it shot into my shoulder. And, dude, you heal like Wolverine.

It's the craziest fucking thing ever. I was like that close to getting shoulder surgery. I had this real issue with my shoulder. Like, I had probably dislocated it at some point in time and I didn't know. And then just years of doing jujitsu and lifting weights and fighting out of arm bars and shit it was just always bothering me so i go to to a doctor i get an mri and he says man he goes you got a tear here you got a tear here you got a tear in your labrum you got a tear in your biceps tendon like you know you might need surgery like see how how long you can go now just do a little rehab and you know and if it gets to a point where it's unmanageable then you go under the knife so i go and it's always annoying me

like it was always gnawing at me and then i go and get these shots in my shoulder and like three weeks later i'm like am i imagining this or does this fucking thing feel great all the way but you skipped over the big step how do you get to the shots in the shoulder? Was the doctor like, you try this? The UFC doctor. The UFC doctor who had had Dr. Davidson had shoulder surgery. And after his shoulder surgery, he was still in pain months, months later. And he went and got these stem cell shots. And he said within weeks, his shoulder felt amazing.

It was crazy. Who tells him about that? He's a doctor, so he's just up on the latest stuff. So in the doctor community, they're like, yeah, these are stem cells that aren't going to get you all that. A lot of pro athletes are doing it, and they're doing it to help. And do they take them from their body or no? You can. There's a bunch of different ways to do it.

You can get it from your own fat. They suck your fat out. They do a lipo on you. Oh, my God. I'll live forever if that's the case. Keep sucking it out, and you go intravenous with the stem cells. Sucking it out, intravenous with the stem cells. It's more than that.

Boom. Say it again. Do it again. I'm going home getting a needle. That's illegal right now in America. I'm just stabbing myself a million times. That's illegal right now in America. To pull it out of fat cells?

No, no, no. To intravenously inject it back into your body. It's supposed to have some magnificent effect. What? Intravenous stem cell back into your body. It's supposed to have some magnificent effect. What? Intravenous stem cell injections into your whole body. Like intravenous, like a drug, like heroin. They can somehow or another do that with stem cells, and you're like I've known two people that

have done it, Bas Rutten and Dan Belzerian. They're both like, holy shit, this is amazing. Bas said that it felt like he had energy coming off his fingers. He was like, dude, my whole body was like charged. This is as close as we get to superhuman ability. But it's with our own stem cells. With your own stem cells.

You can do it with your own stem cells. They do that's one method. Another method that another friend of mine did is they drilled into the bone in his hip, and they pulled marrow out and used that marrow use the stem cells from his hip marrow and then inject that into his knee and it had a pretty remarkable effect too it's the opinion is divided over which stem cell therapy is the most effective but one of them that seems to be very effective is one that i did and that's with cesarean. They take a woman who's given birth by cesarean section. And if they're young, I think they have to be within a certain age limit. Then they take

their placenta and they extract stem cells from the placenta. And then they have some sort of a process that I'll never understand. And then they inject the stem cells into the injury itself. And your body starts regenerating tissue. So that's the difference between this and any other sort of form of therapy is that it actually allows your body to regenerate tissue. So things that are torn can actually heal and thicken and strengthen. Like you're seeing

with those burn victims. Again, don't listen to me because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I just know how it's been explained to me. But it had a pretty profound effect. So if you got nothing wrong with you and you just inject stem cells, that's where the dude was like, whoo. Yeah. Well, he had something wrong with him, though. He was recovering from a pretty serious injury.

Boss Rootin was, at least. But, yeah. Well, one of the things they're finding out is that with mice, they're taking the blood of young mice and they're injecting it in older mice. And these older mice start acting like young mice again. And they start literally like going back in age. And this is some crazy vampire shit. It really is, dude. That's very close, isn't it?

It's totally vampire shit. First off, the blood of youngice is an excellent fucking novel. I think we got your next movie, bro. Oh, my God. What a great title. The Blood of Young Mice is your next movie. We're a punk rock band. It's a great idea for a movie gone wrong, right?

Haven't you? Well, you're talking to the guy at Midtusk. Yeah, I could say I could make that work. Do you know who Elizabeth Bathory is? No. Elizabeth Bathory is one of the most infamous serial killers in human history. And her gig was she would kill young women and bathe in their blood. In their blood.

Okay, then I didn't hear about it. She was a noble woman. And where was she from? Slovakia. Slovakia? What? Hungary? Hungary?

And she just killed a ton of pretty girls. She would go find these peasant girls and bring them back to her castle and torture them and kill them and cut them up. And all the people that worked with her are just horrified by her because she just had like a dungeon of dead women. And she would just slaughter them and then bathe in their blood. But because of the fact that she was a noblewoman, she never even got executed. They just put her in house arrest. So they locked her in some fucking chamber up in the top of some castle

like some monster by herself until she died. How old? I don't know. She was old when she died. She didn't die at 30. That's a real mom question. How old?

Yeah, it's a good question. She was 54 when she died, which back then... Which right now, think about it. Think about everyone you've loved. 16, 10, yeah. Anyone that you've ever loved that didn't make it to 54 and just realized that the bloodbather who butchered all those women made it to 54.

How old was she when they locked her in the hole? Did the process work? No. Anything in blood? No, it didn't work because she didn't know what the fuck she was doing. She had the right idea. I mean, in a way. Like, there's the right idea.

She was the mice before the mice. But you don't have to kill people, you dumb cunt. I believe that was the name of the movie. Pay young kids to donate blood. That's all you need to do. What she did wrong was bathe in the blood? What are you supposed to do? I mean, what she did wrong.

She's a fucking serial killer. I'm kidding. Killing people. I'm kidding. But her idea was somehow or another that she was gonna get young rejuvenate Yeah age and that's like a pin a theme that people have sort of like repeated over and over again And it makes you wonder maybe we mean no some somewhere and the maybe it's just we're ridiculous You know and bloods of a liquid and you can contain it measure it and we just get our heads wrapped around this idea that that's

What makes you younger. Or maybe, like, we inherently knew that's the source of aging is the blood. And then chased it away during civilization just because, like, well, there's only one way around that, the blood of others. Maybe it's not something that we knew or didn't know, but it's inherent knowledge. Like, maybe your system, sort of like how your body knows when it's thirsty to drink water without anybody even telling you. Like you just kind of know, right? There's like certain things that you know.

You see a snake, even if you've never seen one, you're going to back up. There's things that you just know. It could be highly possible that we'd have some sort of subconscious understanding of some aspects of our body, some aspects of our body, some needs that our body has, that we've never been able to see it written anywhere because no one's written it down, but maybe you kind of know things. And maybe somewhere in the back of the human DNA,

we know that's the blood. When the blood goes bad, your body starts to get old and starts to fall apart. But if you pump that young blood back in, do-do- do, do, do, do, like, we just kind of know. But aging has to happen eventually, right? That's the scary thing, man, because that's the number one thing that people are hoping science can stop is people getting old and dying. That's the number one thing. Look, I understand going like, hey, man, wouldn't it be great if we could do all this without a president?

But it's tough to be like, hey, man, wouldn't this all be better if we couldn't die? I'm not saying it would be better. I definitely don't think that. But still, I don't even think it's possible. Everything ages in one direction. The road goes in one direction. Sort of. You can slow it down and you can make the path comfortable for yourself, as comfortable as you can.

The journey even more so. But I don't think you could extend the road forever. Do you know that certain jellyfish are essentially immortal? Explain. They live forever. They also don't have a head, heart, lungs. But if we really can regenerate all the tissue in your body, except for trauma, except for accidents and things-

And somebody killing you. And somebody killing you. There could be only one. There's no physical reason why they shouldn't be able to figure out how to stop the aging clock and literally turn it back. No physical reason. What about the brain? Both that. I mean, that is also an organ.

Does it age? Does it time out? I'm sure. There's going to be a real question as to where your memories are actually stored and who are you. Once they start getting to that Ray Kurzweil shit of storing consciousness in some sort of a – In a data bank? Yeah. Did you watch Black Mirror?

No, I haven't, but I heard I have to. You got it. You would love it. I watched one episode when they made the politician fuck the pig. It was amazing. It was pretty badass. Amazing episode. What the fuck?

You watched that and you were like, good enough. Any show that gives me that brilliance, I'd be oh my god and that was their first episode let me see what the next one it's not that i'm opposed to it i just have just too too way too busy they did one episode in the second season about they don't you know they don't telegraph it up front they're it's smart tv they make you work for it but they But essentially the idea is they take people who are dying and you can download your consciousness into this digital playground where you look the way you want. And it looks like every spring break you've ever seen and stuff.

And so these two people meet up and they're both young women. You find out one is an old woman and the other, they're both old women, but one's been a vegetable since she was like a teenager but in this virtual world they can run romp and be free and be whoever they want but it's generally considered like if you could choose to just die well and pass on to whatever you think is out there if there's a heaven or something like that or you could choose to go to the server, as they call it and stuff. And so the two women who fall for one another, one is like, stay here forever.

We can be like this forever. And the older woman was like, I had a life with a husband and a kid. And I watched him get old and die, and he chose not to do this. And now I'm going to choose to live forever. And her friend's like, where are you going? You don't even know where you're going, but what if he's not there? Perhaps you should have said spoiler alert somewhere along that rant. I did not know where you were going with that.

Sorry, kids. Sorry. It's deep cuts. I'm hoping I can smoke another joint and forget this. One of many episodes. But I've got to keep going with this because it, kids. Sorry. It's deep cuts in this. Hoping I can smoke another joint and forget this. One of many episodes. But I got to keep going with this because it's good. And we got to talk about The Arrival.

Have you seen Arrival? No. Holy shit. Don't fucking spoil it like that. Oh, my God. I can't believe you haven't seen it yet. I pre-ordered it on iTunes. It's genius. Let me tell you what I'm not watching anymore is The Walking Dead.

Done. Why? Don't be that way. I watched one episode of the latest season or the new season. I'm like, fuck you. What, the first one? Yeah, fuck you. They had to do that.

Everyone's waiting to see what Negan did, man. Don't be like that. It's our soap operas of this generation. It's a goddamn torture show. Just that episode. It's a murder and torture show. Just that episode. No, it's not.

Zombies all of a sudden are totally insignificant. You just kick them away. They charge you. You just kick them away. They tear open horses with their raw hands, but they charge you just kind of like fucking Heisman them. There's a group of thousands of them surrounding a van, and he figures out, fuck you.

Fuck you. You killed Glenn? You killed Glenn? Like that? Spoiler alert. Like that? That way? You torture him?

I have to watch? They didn't kill him the way everyone was expecting when they did. Bullshit. Fuck that show. You got a high bar, Rogan. No, I don't. Yeah, I do. No, I don't. It's just if you're gonna fucking kill a zombie,

be consistent. I think the idea was to show as bad as we think the zombies are, the humans are always gonna be worse. I get it. You can't kill Glenn. Is that it? That's your big beef? I love that guy. I know, but this show excels at going like, hey, I'm sorry. We got to kill someone you love

every once in a while. I'm spoiler alert in the fuck out of that show. If you're not watching it, pause this. I'm done. I won't do it anymore. Can I tell you the end of that other thing? No! Come on, dude. Jesus Christ, you're going to ruin it. Come on, it's good. It's good.

You can talk. I'll cover my ears. Then I'm talking to nobody. Let's talk Arrival. I want to keep saying The Arrival, but it's not. It's just Arrival. Well, did you ever see the other one with Charlie Sheen? The Arrival?

Yes. Yeah, that's why I keep wanting to say The Arrival. Yeah, that's an old flick. That's a very good movie. That's an RST Video Store flick from when I was renting slinging videos back in the day. I remember. I would sling that quite often. People would come in and be like, from when I was renting slinging videos back in the day. I remember. I would sling that quite often. People would come in and be like, you got The Arrival?

Like, yeah, Chuck Sheen, son. I was like, God, I feel embarrassed to have liked that. And then Dave Foley released me of my embarrassment. Dave Foley was like, that was a really good science fiction movie. Really? I was like, yes. Yeah, I always refer. He was one smart guy.

Do you know Dave? No, I met him once on a game show but you know i'm a big news radio fan but even going back pre-news radio probably the reason i get to news radio is because i was a massive kids in the hall fan so i met dave twice he only remembers probably the one time on the game show recently that we the hollywood game night but i met him back in like 95 i went to a kids in the hall show in kitchener, Ontario, and then went backstage after a show. And I've never done that before, but I was a big fan. My friend was like, oh, they'll fucking love it.

My friend Malcolm, he's a wonderful guy, very much a blowhard. He has a podcast called Blowhard. But he's the guy that's just like, fucking Batman v. Superman. It's a cinematic abortion. You know, he's just got opinions and shit. So my man took me to see the Kids in the Hall, and he's like, we'll go backstage. They'll fucking love it.

You made Clerks. This will be amazing. And they just finished an amazing show, and we go backstage. And I don't know how you are after a show, but I now know how I am after a show, and generally speaking, the show was there, and now I just like, I just want to grab some milk

and drive home or grab some milk or something like that. And instead, you're not like hey so i met them and they were all like hey you know and not they didn't fucking see clerks i know who i was it was early early on in my career but you know they just give it all up on the stage and they're like oh shit we gotta fucking do another mini show and stuff so you know i don't i'm not like what a letdown he was the show was amazing you, it's just not like I doubt he'd even remember meeting me. But I did meet him on that Hollywood Game Night show and talked to him for a long time. But I'm a deep fan going way back.

That's awesome, man. The long answer to a very short question. Sorry. I don't remember what the question was. You like Dave Foley. You meet that guy. Something like that. He's literally one of the smartest people I've ever met in my life.

Arrival. Let's talk my life. Arrival. Let's talk about the new Arrival. You've got to see it. You would love it. But Dave Foley. I want to talk about Dave Foley. I'm going to go deep on Dave Foley. I just want to tell you.

He's the secret producer of NewsRadio. What do you mean? Explain. Is this Deep Cuts NewsRadio shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. I'm listening. And this is not a knock against the writers because the writers are brilliant.

Paul Simms, the guy who created it, another one of of smartest people i've ever met and just completely unique like there's there's a lot of guys that pretend to be that eccentric weirdo writer guy paul sims is that motherfucker he's such an eccentric guy like they didn't start writing until like three o'clock in the morning they would hang out play video games and fart in each other's faces. They literally didn't start writing until the middle of the night because Paul had a strategy of getting everybody really tired and silly and then they would write all night.

And then a lot of times we would get the first draft the day of the table read. We would get the first draft. They would just be coming. Josh Lee would come down barefoot and these guys would be up all night and Lou Morton and all these writers. And I was like, you guys are fucking crazy. You didn't even sleep?

He goes like, no, we've been writing all night. This is how we do it. And they were just silly, because they were almost, without doing drugs, they were getting high. Right. By keeping, because as far as I know. They were curbing inhibition. The longer they're up up the more they're like anything goes yes and as you're sitting there if you're well fed or you're you know in the middle

of the day perhaps you're less uh apt or less less likely to be like hey i got a fucking stupid idea you don't want someone in the room to be like you asshole that's not fucking funny nobody wants to get judged so for me i smoke weed not because it gives you better ideas but because it's you know it lowers your inhibitions where you're like i don't give a fuck if people think it's stupid i'm gonna try it and if that don't work i'll try some i'll say another well you can express yourself more honestly you feel freer to express yourself more must be the same idea yeah yeah people fucking up and then just getting them tired and then be like, now, right. It's a strategy. It really is. It's a very good strategy.

That show was very specific. It was very silly. It was a silly show. That's one of the reasons why I think there's a lot of silliness going on. Which is a strong suit when you can't, when you don't have the card to play of like, let's say cock or fuck. Or shit. Like you can't even do the basic

cards right so you're like what do you replace those cards in the deck with and that show replaced it with like oh we're gonna have the we're gonna up the silly quotient in a way that doesn't look like other sitcoms silly like their silly was bill getting a cane yeah where it's like that's a real fucking silly episode they built a whole episode around him walker everybody loves a cane like that's not that's not the saying bill no it was a very very silly shit like your last name's garelli like just repeating that for four five fucking years that was like a running joke every time it happens like your last name's garelli i was like that's genius that show was a it was it was a very weird show in a lot of ways. Like, Paul was a, he's such a unique guy that he would essentially let anybody come up with another line.

If, like, they were doing a table read, or not a table read, rather, but a run through. If you would get a hold of the script, Dave would come up with an alternative line. And, like, right away away the show was in trouble like because like the first year that we were filming like it wasn't really doing very well in the ratings and they couldn't figure out how the show i bet you that number would be well it was weird we moved like nine times in in five five years but um there was this um or four years whatever we did and it was this um moment when they were they were just trying to figure it out constantly. It was a lot of work.

And they would all get together and try to rewrite scenes, but Dave Foley would rewrite scenes, like, on the floor. And as the show kept going, it became more and more of a thing. Like, he was like a secret producer. But not that it was a secret. It was because the writers were so open but not that it was a secret because the writers were so open-minded that they just wanted to see the best jokes he's the best kind of actor though he's the actor that you love because he's a writer as well yeah he comes to set and he's not

just doing your script he can give you five other scripts just as funny if you want him and if he's like the good ones he's not jamming my shit's better than yours down your throat he's like the good ones he's not jamming my shit's better than yours down your throat he's like if there's an opening yeah gracefully it goes in but that in the beginning of my career i used to reject people that were like that because i'm like no if it's not my writing then what is it and then the older you get the more comfortable you get and you realize dude you're gonna get credit regardless like go ahead like i remember for me it was Chris Rock. There was a moment in Dogma. Chris Rock, there was a line in the script, a line in the movie where, you know, he falls out of heaven. He's Rufus, the 13th apostle. And they're having this conversation in the middle of the road, him and Linda Fiorentino playing Bethany, Jane Silent Bobber there.

And he references knowing Jesus. And she's like, Christ, you knew Christ goes no i'm shit and he used the n word he goes oh knows me 12 bucks 12 bucks now i didn't write that line i wrote dogma every piece of it but i didn't write that line i would never put that line in front of chris rock and be like look what i did right my line was no he owes me 12 bucks chris was able to dress it up in such a way and i told him i was like oh god because i was crying when he did it i was like that's hysterical but i was bittersweet about it because i was like i can't include it and i said to him i was like dude that's the funniest thing i think i've ever put on film and i can't use it in the movie he goes why and i was like because i didn't write it how am i supposed to do the credits now

written by kevin smith and one line by Chris Rock. He goes, I don't give a shit. Don't you know how this works? He's going, you'll get credit for it. He's going, if it's funny, take it. I don't need credit for that. I say a lot of shit. And I was like, oh, oh, really?

And then the next guy I worked with was like that, was Will Ferrell on Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. That's almost an alien idea that you would not accept a really funny edition because you didn't write it. I didn't know how to do the job, dude, because I was so – Oh, that's so crazy. I came through indie film, and so I didn't come up through the world of comedy. I backdoored into the world of comedy. But I came up through indie film, and indie film was like, hey, man, auteur. Right.

You write and direct your stuff. It's your statement and stuff. And I've – since nobody taught you – and there's nobody to teach you this shit. There's no book you have your own process where you're like well you know i guess to be pure it should all be my stuff that way when i see it say written by kevin smith it's not a lie just like i was raised catholic so for the longest time like i you know i thought i was a virgin until I was about 17. Really, I lost my virginity at 13. Like, I was inside a girl at age 13. She was also the same age, so it's not creepy.

Although, that's creepy to talk about now. But I never came. And in Catholic school, there's no class where they're like, you know, sex is penetration. They don't tell you shit. So, you know, I was like, well, you shit right so you know i was like well you make rules for yourself and you just buy them as those are the rules so for years i was like well i you know i never came inside a girl so i've not had sex yet and then when i finally had sex i was like oh i guess penetration counts and hence i had sex a long time ago it was a problem for a minute with

my current girlfriend then she's like you said you were a virgin i was like ago. It was a problem for a minute with my current girlfriend then. She's like, you said you were a virgin. I was like, I thought I was a virgin. But she was like, you bet inside somebody. I was like, yeah, but I didn't come. Isn't that the, like, if you don't come, it don't count? And she's like, where'd you get that? I was like, Catholic spoof. It should be super impressive.

Anytime a 13-year-old doesn't come, it should be super impressive. You know. It's like, how do you not just, wah! Fear. You've got the Catholic fear of not like, oh, she'll have a baby, but the very Catholic fear of like... I can't believe I'm sinning. Not even that. Like, oh, she may have to get an abortion and then you're carrying her. No, Catholics,

I don't think, I think any faith, you know, you can sin. You know, especially with Catholicism, they had a built-in get-out-of-jail-free card. They're like, you can do what you need to, but you come into church, you tell the strange man your dirty little secrets in a booth with no lights, and you leave, and everything's going to be fine with Jesus.

And it made sense all throughout my childhood. I was like, yeah, it makes sense. All right, so wait, where were we before we got into that? I don't know. We don't have to be anywhere, man. I know, but we were on a good thread, man. We were talking about it is what you think it is. You build the rules for yourself.

So I said to myself, if I include Chris Rock's amazing ad lib in my movie, then I've taken from another writer and hence it can't say written by him. It's bullshit. That's absolutely in my head. I understand why you would think that. He got that out of me, man. It didn't make sense to me just because I was really lucky. The only real comedy that I did that lasted was news radio.

And it was a crazy environment like that. It was based on you, though, right? Like Joe Gorelli. The character was very loosely based on me. It was essentially. It was like they saw your stand up and said, fucking do that on the show. No, Paul was just like really good at picking out the goofy shit that you do and exaggerating it. Because I was always into stupid UFO stories.

So it would always be some conspiracy theory or some gadget, because I've always been a dork when it comes to technology. I'm fascinated by all sorts of gadgets and shit, but I don't actually know how to make anything. I'm flashed on moments where you're like, but I don't actually know how to make anything. I'm getting it because I'm flashing on moments where you're like, you see this, and it's just a card, and you're like, it's from the elevator, but I don't know which one. It was like during Ray's period and stuff. All the Grelly moments are washing over me as you say that. I probably don't even remember them. I bet you I know more about that show than you.

If you and I went head-to-head in news radio trivia, I bet you I would. I bet you would, too. No doubt. Andy Dick was a perfect example. Andy Dick is a super exaggerated version of Andy Dick. That's what his character was, Matthew. Matthew was just a super

exaggerated version of Andy Dick. But in ways, Andy almost sometimes, at his craziest, was more of an exaggeration, but in a totally different way, when he was partying and getting crazy. But the silliness of that character was really just Andy Dick. It really was him. I can see that because Matthew takes off.

Like, he's funny, but he becomes the Matthew that he is for the rest of the show. Right. About six episodes, four to six episodes in. Right. show right about six episodes four to six episodes in right like you slowly see him start to become the matthew that you when you when you think of news radio oh yeah matthew um so it feels like same thing with you well you weren't even the first guy right pilot they had a different guy and then you it was ray romano was he the guy yeah ray romano he was the you no he was the guy before me.

This is what happened. Ray Romano was cast in it originally. And then I guess while they were shooting the pilot, they decided to go a different direction. I don't know what that means. So they brought in another guy. And that guy did it. And then after the pilot, they said, we want to replace that guy. And so then they had this open casting call thing.

And then I got involved in that. And what had you been doing at that point, stand-up? I was thinking about moving back to New York and thinking I shouldn't have got a fucking apartment in L.A. Oh, my God. That's what I was thinking. So it's the classic story. Yeah. You got it just at the right time. I came out here for a show called Hardball.

It was a show by this guy, Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran, these two guys who wrote for Married with Children. And they also wrote for, I think they wrote for The Simpsons. And they wrote for a lot of shit. They were really funny guys. Names I recognize. They came up with a great pilot. Me and Jim Brewer and a bunch of other great guys were in it. And then Fox got a hold of it and just sort of fisted it and just came in its eyeballs

and just twisted it all around. Turns out it's like a really hacky, it's just a really hacky version of what it once was, and then eventually got canceled. So I thought, being a young, dumb guy that I was, I thought, oh, this show's definitely going to be a hit. I should get an apartment. I'm going to live out here. I might as well get a year lease, you know?

Everything's going great. And then all of a sudden the show gets canceled. I'm like, what am I doing out here? I don't have any friends out here. Hardly know anybody. My friends were all back home, And I was like, gosh, just move back to New York. And then, um, I got a development deal. It's like NBC got in touch with my management and, and they asked me if I wanted to do my own show or if I wanted to do this show that they have already, um, this show called news radio. So I got to watch the pilot before I had no idea what it was like before anybody ever

saw it. I got a VHS tape of the pilot before it ever aired on TV. And so I got to watch that and then audition for it. So it was a big advantage in that I kind of understood the style. The rhythm of the show. That they did. But it was really interesting. What he did was the first

The first audition wasn't funny Necessarily it was just a scene and I was like this is weird like because the pilot was really funny But this seems like they did it on purpose to see if people would ham it up Like they did didn't want anybody wasn't playing it real and so they weeded people out by making something that wasn't really that funny Right fucking crazy. That's kind of and then the second time i come back and it's hilarious the second time the banter is just genius and i'm like oh these clever bitches like i see what they did they just whittled it down for people who down to people who could play it straight that's that's i mean i'm not saying insidious in a negative way but that's ingenious

maybe is the word i'm looking for so instead of insidious that's like i don't think like that no i'm just like like i remember we cast clerks i still cast the same way when we cast clerks we had a first avenue playhouse it was a little theater dinner theater in atlantic highlands in new jersey and so we put an ad out like i think in the free paper and i hung up ads any place where like college kids congregated and stuff mammoth college at the time now it's mammoth university so we had this open casting call and you know as we're as people are coming through we're seeing people do things that like were blowing us out of the

water I had no experience Marilyn Gigliotti the girl who plays Veronica in the movie she got cast because she like cried during the audition and I remember like looking at my friends going like who could do this who could just like cry like this and none of them auditioned with comedy like Brian O'Hallan who played Dante auditioned with a piece from like Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. No, not Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Oh, fuck. Yeah, maybe Don't Be Afraid.

There's one where Alan Arkin is like stalking Audrey Hepburn and she's blind and he's robbing the place. Alone in the Dark, maybe. But it's a real killer monologue that's nothing like his character. So we were like, this guy's fucking, he can act. If he could act like that, he could fucking say, I'm not even supposed to be here today and stuff like that. So yeah, I could see, that was my process. I'm blown away. I'm easily

impressed. So people come through and I'm like, you cried? Like, oh my god, he's the greatest actress I ever saw in my life. Or you're crazy, right? You're just a crazy person who can pretend that something's real When it's not No doubt God damn it

That's part of the problem Isn't it It's ability man Isn't that a part of the problem Genesis Rodriguez To have that ability You have to be a little Fucking cuckoo

I don't know Genesis Rodriguez Who was an actress In a couple movies I did She came from Telenovela So From what

The Spanish Telenovela Oh okay So You know She did a scene in Tusk and she was crying. I was like, that was amazing, man. Like, that's crazy. Like, it's like you orchestrated a tear for the right line. It just rolled and hit at the right time.

Wow. And she's going, yeah, she's going, well, tell a novella. You got to know how to cry like crazy. Like every episode, somebody crying and stuff. And she also described the process she was like you know well first she was like here like just give me a say something funny and so jason muse was there and jason muse started telling this fucking funny story and she just starts bawling and laughing while she's bawling but like literally looks like she's crying i was

like that's fucked up and shit and she said you have to do that on telenovela while somebody is on an in an earwig in your ear reading you the dialogue you're about to say they get scripts this thick thick as a dick so they can't learn all that dialogue and they shoot like 20 30 pages a day so they stick bugs in their ears oh my god a little A little receiver. And essentially the director's in control room. And, you know, they shoot it like a soap opera. There's multiple cameras. But they are giving him the lines and they are saying it simultaneously. And I was like, how do you fucking do that?

How does your brain work like that? And she goes, say anything to me. Give me a nice long sentence. And so I went for the sentence in the English language. It has all the letters in it. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogs and as I got to quick she, it's true

she started following me and finished at the exact same time it was pretty fucking impressive she doesn't seem crazy by stretching the imagination I asked her, I was like how can you fucking do that she's like, I don't know. It's just a family thing

She's like my dad family thing. She said her dad her dad's a big performer and singer She said my dad can make his hair stand up on his arm and get goosebumps just by looking at it Whoa, and it's like wow, that's I mean what a what a weird super power to have but like cool Well, there are definitely things that be weird things like that Where people inherit them from their parents like ice dated girl who couldn't even see a needle in a movie she would faint Like if she saw someone getting a shot in a movie she would think we miss but she was like wolf and her dad Who believe was a dentist so like you would think the guy saw a lot of needles right that guy? Would do the same thing like he if he saw something bad he would faint so even though he normally saw needles he probably

stuck needles into gums and shit like that in his job he was a dentist yeah yeah so he in his day job he's doing shit and then watching trauma on tv well she was telling me that uh her um her brother had like a real severe sunburn to the point where like blisters you know like where it's like whoa like you really fucked this up that reminds me and he saw it and he fainted and they were like what the hell like he couldn't help it it's just he was so you know you love your son buddy if it's not in the mouth you don't like you react like that it's like you know it's sunburned well it's a weird i i don't think it's his fault that's what i'm saying i don't think it's like yeah man there's like something in the system

there's something bizarre in the system i react when people tell stories when they're just like you know and then fucking i tour this and i always do that and shit the idea of i'm not i'm low tolerance for threshold for pain myself and like hearing people tell stories about injuries you know i react yeah well everybody does right like you watch those videos i watched some poor guy oh my god who let this fucking guy do this this guy who is like ridiculously overweight and they set a skateboard up on a ramp like balancing it on this did you see that that? Oh my God, it's awful. It's awful.

But when you watch someone like that where you know they're going to get hurt and then when they get hurt and it's really bad, you know that feeling that you get like a sharpness? Like almost like a sharpness in your cells where your whole body is like, fuck Jesus. Sometimes at Great Heights I get that. If I look over the side of a building,

I'm like, Jesus. You get that sharpness. Yeah, it runs right through you. Like, move back! It's almost like the adrenaline becomes like stalagmites coming off of a fucking ceiling. They say that that is built in. Even babies have that. They did a test with babies. They had a long table

like this. And then in the middle here, instead of it being wood, they had plexiglass and it was clear. So they that the mother at one end of the table and the baby at the other and she was like come on the baby would crawl but as soon as the baby got to the clear part which is still a table right went back and would not go forward good that's built into us for some reason good someone posted someone posted that closes that fucking thought good somebody posted a picture. And that closes that fucking thought. Good.

Somebody posted a picture today from a playground in the 1920s. And I don't know if it's real, because I really probably shouldn't be talking about it. But if it is real, like, Jesus Christ, these bars were like 50 feet off the ground. These kids are just climbing ladders and shit, these metal ladders. 50 feet off the ground. These kids are just climbing ladders and shit, these metal ladders. I mean, the way the setup looked like, today there's not a chance in hell you would let your kids play on this thing.

You would freak the fuck out. Like, look at this. Look at this goddamn thing. Look at this! How many kids got hurt before they were like, you know, maybe we should... Kids died every day! We should bring it in.

I mean, look at that height, dude. Dude, they're dead. If you fall from that, you're dead. Even if it's all sand, you're still hitting something hard. They didn't care. They didn't want you to live. Look at, they're all riding bikes back there. No cars. What year is this?

Early 19th century. Wait a minute. Go back. Is that a body? Is that one falling from the sky? That's not real, is it? Or the hanging from something? It's a swing. Look at that swing. That swing is 15 feet off the fucking ground. It looks like a body, though, doesn't it? If you don't look at the lines. The lines are like those falling marks in a swing. Swing, yeah. Look at that swing. That swing is 15 feet off the fucking ground. It looks like a body, though, doesn't it? If you don't look at the lines. The lines are like those falling marks in a cartoon.

He's just hanging off a fucking swing. Kids are playing around. It's a crazy picture, though, isn't it? Yeah, it's nuts. Look at that. Yeah, things are a lot more dangerous in our day, and that's even before our day. Yeah, that's before our day. You're from back east.

Do you know Action Park? No. I was just going to say, I broke my arm on one of those things. Did you really? Yeah, when I was a little kid. I fell off the monkey bars. Snapped my arm. And posted on it.

Snapped it. So you got your first cast at what age? I think I was six. Did you have people sign it? Did you have a lot of friends? I believe I had people sign it. Many? Was it like, there's no room, sorry.

I don't remember. Or was it a lot of like, love you, mom, have a great Wednesday? Probably a lot of that. Mostly that. Yeah, mostly that. But those things are fucking dangerous as shit. It's concrete on the bottom of it. In New Jersey, there's a theme park that's closed now.

All growing up, man, we'd go there. They would do shit like a water slide that you know people got fucking hurt on they would do these things they it was before insurance i guess where you know they had a wave pool um so a wave pool is a big pool and then like they've got these giant fucking beaters in the underwater at the end that are huge that just constantly make fucking waves and people would get crushed under them and get killed they had this like slalom race uh thing where you're kind of sitting on this sort of cement track whoa there you go new jersey's action park offered fun and injury for the whole family jesus christ that was a water slide. Look at that water slide. That's insane. You were completely in a blue tube

that went down a mountain. It did a loop in the dark where a lot of people were getting hurt. Like, they didn't make the full loop. They just got jammed. And then people collided into you? Bang, bang, bang, bang. There were a lot of injuries, a couple deaths. Oh my God, a couple deaths? But that was fun when we were

kids. You know, you didn't want to get hurt, but like, nobody told you you might get hurt that badly. Some things were sensible. I was a child. If I saw monkey bars that high, number one, I didn't go near the fucking monkey bars, but if I saw them that high, I'd be like, this is ridiculous. This is clearly we're being filmed or something. Yeah, right?

I'd be like, this is a setup. This was built by somebody who doesn't know what a child looks like. Or hates them. Wants to trick them who doesn't know what a child looks like. Yeah, or hates them. Wants to trick them into going high so they can fall and die. They're like, look, the more blood I get, young child blood to bathe in, the younger one can look. They subscribe to the theory of what's her fuck. But that was a real concern back then about mouths to feed.

I mean, we're talking about the Depression. So you think they built the playgrounds like that so you're like, weed out the weak. No way. Weed out the weak. Well, think they built the playgrounds like that so you're like— Sweet out the week. No way. Sweet out the week. Well, then you have to agree that we live in a better time because nobody ran on that platform in the election of like, hey, man, only the strong survive. So, you know, if your kid goes to the playground, falls off the muggy bars, that's on you.

Well, we certainly are more protective of our children today. And we understand child rearing and understand mortality. And we understand the bad things that you can do to your kid while you're developing them. But it's a weird catch-22. And you'll probably agree with me as a parent. How many kids you got? Three. You know a lot more than me.

I got one. But go ahead. But what I was just going to say is there's a weird catch- 22 in that you want to give them all the love in the world. You want to support them as much as you can. You want to be there 100 percent for them. But you also realize that everyone you know that's interesting had overcome some bizarre childhood. They had overcome some crazy for all my favorite people. overcome some crazy for all my favorite people like all my favorite people tell me terror stories about like growing up and what their parents did or what their dad did or like holy shit

so many people especially the comedians that i know it was all just like oh fuck and then what happened oh fuck dude and they're the they're the funniest fucking people. And they're the most fun people. So we have a generation of kids that aren't, well, I know, look, I'm a helicopter parent. And I know I'm the guy that, like, paves the way for his kid. She wants to act. I'm like, oh, let's make a movie. You don't really, you know, that's not normal. But you know what, man?

The only thing that's wrong with that, this is the only thing that's wrong with that. And this is where we have a problem, human beings. that and this is where we have a problem human beings the only thing that's wrong with that is the idea that she's not going to have to start making a living on her own she's going to be able to carry forth under her dad's momentum but the only reason why that's a problem even remotely is because we have this absurd idea that it should be super important for you to take care of yourself that it should be super important for you to take care of yourself. That it should be super important for you to financially carry yourself. You know? Explain, explain.

I've been fucking with this idea more and more lately. That's what I love about you. You fuck with ideas. My buddy Eddie Wong, who's a chef and a really fucking interesting, cool guy, was on the podcast. Okay. And Eddie was talking about universal basic income. And at first I thought, what? You're going to give people free money? Get the fuck out of here. That's so stupid, dude. You can't do that. And then the more I thought about it, the more I said, well,

it seems like when you give people money, it kills their motivation for a lot of folks. But what if that's just like your needs are covered? Is that really true that if you give people something and you give them security that it takes away their creativity? Or is this just, I mean, we don't know because everybody's always been in need. They overcame that need and then they became successful, right? That's the story that we hear over and over again. But what if if all your needs were taken care of like food shelter like you have basic stuff you know you're not gonna get rich but you have enough to eat and you always have a roof over your head which is first of all wouldn't we like like each other more if that was the case if we didn't have to worry if nobody had to worry

about how much money they had nobody had to worry about not being able to eat nobody worried about not having a place to sleep. That sounds utopian, right? But that's almost doable financially. If you look at the amount of money we have versus the amount of people we have versus how much money people make, it's like, ooh, it's kind of close.

Like we would have to restructure a lot of shit, but it seems like they might be able to give every person $12,000 a year, something like that. Right. And I think if we could figure out some sort of a way to do things like that, I think we would have a giant alleviation of tension and struggle at its like base level. Survival shit. Like to elevate us as a people just above the survival thing right so then we can relax more and get better at all this other shit but we got

to get past the survival thing and the base of the survival is what basic food basic shelter you know having having a roof over your head and having food if you could just guarantee that if we could all collectively say, let's figure out, let's pile all this fucking money together. Let's figure out how we can make this better. What's number one? We got to figure out a way to make it easier to figure out what the fuck you want to do with your life. You shouldn't have to just dive into some job and be desperate. I mean, we were talking today, Jamie, about people that we know, that you know, that maybe

wanted to do something else, but they played it safe. And now they're kind of stuck in this weird place where they can't get out of playing it safe because they have bills and they get trapped. I feel like if we had some sort of universal basic income, it's totally possible that way less people would do that. And then more people would try to make independent films. Or more people would try to become stand-up comics. Or more people would try to write books.

Or more people would try to build cars. Or do whatever the fuck they're compelled to do. How did you do it without getting $12,000 free dollars a year? I got lucky. I worked. I did a lot of different things. You didn't wait for it to show up at your door. You actually went out into the world and had to

move some elements around in reality to make a new reality. Yeah, I guess, man. But I mean, you consider yourself an exceptional I consider yourself an exceptional human being now. Did you consider yourself an exceptional human being then? I knew I was good at Taekwondo. That's very nice. Did you consider yourself an exceptional human being then?

I knew I was good at taekwondo. That was about it. So you had a skill. I was good at one thing. I knew I was good at one thing. I was like, God damn it, if I can get good at that, it's totally possible I can get good at life. Right. That's a smart way to look at it. At the very least, you're a hired hand.

Walking through the countryside, taking care of people's problems with your bare fists and shit. No, well, I wasn't really taking care of people's problems with your bare fists and shit no well i wasn't really taking care of any i was competing but if you had to if society collapsed they didn't have any competitions i'd already realized i could get my ass kicked too easy by a wrestler or by a good boxer i was having problems already so i'm sparring problems but you you built you built a world and i'm not saying I like your idea, but at the same time, it's like not anybody could do exactly what you did, but anybody could take the steps that you did. Well, I'm not saying that this world that we live in right now doesn't offer opportunity. Yeah. This world we live in offers ample opportunity.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying that someone can't. How does 12 grand more a year make? I really feel like it's possible that we're doing it wrong. I just think collectively, and I've said this before, so if you heard me say it before, anybody listening, I apologize. But I always say that if we looked at ourselves as an organism, right? If we looked at society as an organism, what would we want to fix as an organism? Would we want to make the muscle stronger or would we want to kill the cancer? fix of the organism would we want to make the muscle stronger or would we want to kill the cancer would we want to figure out what's wrong with it we want to cure the disease well the

disease has got to be poverty like that it's the number one problem that we have is crime and poverty like we've got to focus on that area of our world and instead of thinking of as oh they should pull themselves up by their bootstraps or oh they need the need to fucking, you know, realize there's opportunity out there. You just got to go get it. Everybody's got their own path. I think collectively as like just a human species, we have to look at the world's problems, like the world's like real deep poverty and social problems and look at it almost like as if we're a living creature.

If we're a living creature and there's parts of us that are starving to death, you got to get that part food, right? I mean, that's universal. That's why those commercials with Sally Fields, Sally Struthers. Sally Struthers. Sally Struthers were so compelling, right? Because you would see those babies that didn't have any food.

There's somebody who's hungry and I've got so much. You're like, holy shit. These are, I feel like we only have a certain amount of time, you know, just as an organism that has a finite lifespan. You have like 100 years if you're lucky, you know. And this thing that we're doing now where we have a president, you know, and you have to fucking go out there and earn your keep, boy. And, you know, you get a job and, well, looks like you're going to have to get married now. You're a dad.

Oh, okay. And then you just, you're like all of a sudden. I'm dying like I was living I worked in a factory now. I'm dying right. I don't know if that's the right way to make the most Productive society or the most enjoyable experience for the people that are living in this society like a little more Damn, I'm high a little bit a little i feel like a little more joy would would uh the american experience would benefit from a little more joy yeah there's so much toil and as you say there's so much you could do anything here but you got to do it and we spend so much time chasing uh something that makes life easier i'm not gonna argue that money makes things easier to do um but chasing you know the idea of prosperity in one direction as opposed to spiritual prosperity

not saying religion saying prosperity of one's soul growing as a person something that doesn't have to stop just because now you've entered the workplace, now you're married, and now you're falling into place with the model for society. Like, you know, there's still a space in there for, well, and I think maybe this is where I'm coming around to, your free $12,000 a year. It's not my idea by any stretch of the imagination. The idea of free $12,000 a year

because maybe it does leave a little breathing space where suddenly in that space somebody's like, oh, I want to do this. And this would make me happy. And when I'm happy at this, it'll trickle down at work. Like so many people are like, I go from one job to this job. And, you know, and then I get the weekends maybe. And my weekends are Tuesday and Thursday or something like that. So, yeah, you're right.

I was thinking like I even I got privileges and fucking breaks that a lot of people wouldn't get. And I came from like poor white people, but it didn't matter. It was white people. And so there are breaks for me out there somewhere in the world. And I always think through that prism, but you're right, man. There are a lot of people out there that would benefit from like, here's a cushion. Here's something to start with where you go from there. And what is that for? It's $1,000 a month just for being an American.

Yeah, I mean, instead of thinking, oh, everybody's scamming to try to get welfare money, how about you just give it to them? Yeah. Just give them enough to survive. Just give everybody enough to survive, and then let's work this shit out. And then when you make more than X amount a year, you can, you know, if you're like Kevin Smith or me, you know, you would say, look, I don't want my 12 grand. Put it back into the system. Pay all your taxes, all that stuff. But this would make us feel like we're looking out for each other a little bit.

I mean, it's not, I'm not, I'm not fully formed on this idea. It's just something I'm battering around in my head. But I'm battering it around in my head the same way I'm battering around this idea that there shouldn't really be a president. Like, it's just, it's only there because we've been doing it this way for 300 years. But if it didn't exist, there's no way that's how you would run it. There's no way we would all agree. Well, what we should do is we should get one person who knows the most people with the most money, who have been doing this the longest. And that person will have a giant advantage

over everybody else, and get that person backed up by these huge corporations that would benefit by this person being in office, because you'd make laws and make environmental rules a little bit lax, so we can get away with some shit, and we can make more money. There's no way we would say, yeah, let's do it that way.

There's no fucking way. We would say, no, we want the geniuses of the world. We want the professors, the Elon Musks. We want the Bill Gates, the people that are very wise and very intelligent and very rational. You want to talk to giant groups of them. And we want to form our own opinions. And we should all be voting collectively as a group. There shouldn't be some representative government, some electoral college.

What are you going to fucking wear a powdered wig too, you cunt? You're going to ride around on a fucking horse with some homemade horseshoes with your powdered wig and your electoral college? Are you going to read it on a scroll in the town square standing on an apple box? Fuck off. That shit is old. See, you make me feel bad, dude, because I get high and I'm like, let me write a movie about a guy who turns a guy into a walrus. You get high and you want to change the world. You're a dreamer of a day, man.

Sometimes. Sometimes not at all. Sometimes I just want to go watch that Hawaiian movie, Moana. It's a good movie. It's good? It's good. It's an adorable movie. Let me ask you about Archery, which you seem to have fallen in love with.

Yes, I love Archery. How fucking hard is it to pull back a bow and arrow? It's not easy, but they make bows for people is like little kids like a combo It's just like film film it goes back with it all depends entirely on what you're trying to do if you want to shoot a Target they make bows that a little kid like my little kids were shooting bows like when my daughter was three I got her a bow and arrow that she could kind of pull back I kind of help her I would have to hold on to it, and she could pull it back. And then I'd go, ready, go, and one, two, three, and she'd let it go.

So you can have a bow. Can we do that later before? Sure. That's the way I would need to be handled. But then for a compound bow, you have two possibilities that you're using it for. One, which is target archery, which is what I do more than anything. I shoot targets just in my yard and with friends. you're using it for one which is target archery which is what i do more than anything i i shoot targets just in my yard and with friends and i'll go to some ranges and there's a place in vegas i

go to that's really cool um and doing that is like you don't need that much power because it's just about figuring out where the arrow is going to go and being accurate about it but then when you get to if you wanted to hunt an animal with it, then you have a certain obligation to make sure that your bow is at least a certain amount, has a certain amount of power to it. And most people agree that somewhere around 45 or 50 pounds. It's debatable. But in Texas, I know they're like, I think they fought back a law because they were trying to keep kids from bow hunting unless they could pull back. I think it was 35 pounds or 45 pounds. I forget what the weight was.

So there's a measure of strength in order to do something? They don't even do that for driving. It's not even like, you've got to be strong enough to drive. They did that because it's not ethical. Because you really almost don't have enough kinetic energy to actually penetrate an animal and kill it. So you would be hitting something and they'd be like, oh. The arrow would stick out of them. And it does happen.

So you have a certain amount of requirement of like the kinetic energy where it's ethical to bow hunt. I remember trying my father in law, my wife's stepdad, Byron, great guy. He was a bow and arrow enthusiast i wouldn't call him a bow hunter because he didn't go out and like hunt anything but he was good at it he won medals and shit like oh wow so um i was writing green arrow at the time and i was like you know what man i should if i'm gonna write he shoots he knocks and fires and you should try knocking an arrow. Just so maybe there's something there about like you can describe it rather than make it up. And he took me into the backyard with a bow and arrow and a target, big hay target with a thing on it. And no compound or anything, just a long bow.

And, you know, I'm like, God, this is going to be easy. Green arrow knocks like six of these at a time and shit. Easy green arrow knocks like six of these at a time and shit And knocked one arrow and went to pull back and like the shake Began in my arm pretty fucking quickly. I didn't get very far back for I was like, holy Shit serious bow, huh? It's pretty serious fucking bow, but you know number one I was like, I'm not the man I thought I was and I didn't think I was much of a man to begin with but number two I was just like I

Don't think anyone would ever choose this to fight crime. So ridiculous, right? Oh my God. One of those things where you confront, as much as I love this shit, love comic books and whatnot, that was the moment where I was like, this shit falls apart. You always find yourself defending the notion of a Batman to people like, come on, dude,

if you had all the money and you lost your parents, you had all the time to fucking commit to your body turning it into a weapon, you could be Batman. There could be no Superman. He comes from fucking space. But there could be a Batman. And then all you have to do is try pulling back a bow and arrow once

and you realize, like, well, there couldn't be a green arrow. No. And he's got it easier than a Batman. Yeah. So if that can't exist then this probably can't exist although like we were talking about an episode of smodcast the other day could could you like i saw a video they did on pen and teller pen and teller were doing it where somebody shot a bullet at a samurai sword and you know they had it calibrated so it was hitting directly into the middle of the blade and it split the bullet in two and then the idea was like could

a butter knife do the same thing and of course the butter knife did the same thing it split the bullet so it didn't matter if it was a hammered a thousand times razor's edge samurai sword or a butter knife that bullet hitting that target split in right So we were talking about it on the podcast. I was like, well, that to me, I said, that to me is proof now that you could fight crime with a katana sword. I was like, you have to be super fucking fast, I said to Scott.

And Scott's like, yeah. Scott's making fun of me because he's going, because I said, I'm not saying you have to be Batman. He's like, and then I'm saying you do have to be Batman. But I'm saying like then I am saying you do have to be Batman. But I'm saying, like, if you were the guy, held a sword, and somebody fired a bullet, and it split, would the kickback of the bullet throw the sword into you? It very well could, for sure.

This thing was a concrete block was holding the samurai sword. So, you know, we talked about it on the podcast, and then God bless the internet, somebody sent us a link of some other fucking show where they had a guy holding a sword like a samurai swordsman like modern day swordsman and cuts of baseball half no fucking a metal bb pellet it was fucking nuts now the other thing i watched it was like you know they they had the gun calibrated on a hinge and a laser scope so that it would hit exactly what they were going for. This guy hand-eyed it, man. Feel that.

This is from the 1500s. That's a legit samurai sword. Feel how heavy that is? Thank God I didn't live back then. I'd be dead. That's a legit samurai sword from the 1500s. Sharp or not sharp? That's the real deal.

Oh, yeah, it's sharp. Careful, bitch. Ah! Don't do it! Now, this guy pulled one of these and he was like this. Ready? Yeah. And then the guy fired the gun and he went... Swipes through the air. And so, you know, then they roll back the footage

and god damn it if he didn't fucking split that thing. And dude, like, again, the first one... So he could have died. You sure it's not CGI? it was no this was real you gotta look it up um no i haven't i can't live in a constant world of snoping we must we know because what think about our childhoods when we were kids someone would be like the loch ness monster be like fuck yeah it's real oh dude if you could have snoped that shit you've got no imagination in your childhood. Look at this guy. Okay, that was it, right?

And now they play it back. He just whipped it out and fucking cut. Now wait until they play it back. This is a scam. First of all, that guy's a Japanese guy. Looks like he's cock-blocking this guy and his girl. Doesn't it? Like leaning over his shoulder.

Like, hey, bro. Well, he's about to earn it. I'd fuck this guy. Watch. Watch this. Here it comes. Fushing. I'd fuck this guy. Watch. Watch this. Here it comes. Fushing. Yo, I see CGI.

Now, I added these special effects there myself. It was all red up there. See all that red stuff? That shit wasn't real. That's what happens in real life. See, this is CGI, bro. We know for sure it's CGI. There it is. There it is.

There it is. Maybe. They removed the rings. And now they'll pick it up off the ground. I smell Hollywood. Bullshit. That's real. That's got to be real, right?

Look, they talk to Dr. Romani. She's hot. Right? And she's got to be real, right? Look, they talk to Dr. Romani. She's hot. Right? And she's got to be smart. They got her there in the desert. Check out the one where the guy cuts the softball in half, or a baseball, rather. It's one of those baseball machines where it pitches out. I'm not saying I could do it, but that dude hit a BB, man.

I just don't believe that's real. You don't think so? You're going to give me an hoax. Come on, man. Were you the kid that didn't believe in Bigfoot when you were a kid? Dude, are you kidding me? I lived for Bigfoot. I went looking for Bigfoot for a TV show. kid that didn't believe in Bigfoot when you were a kid? Dude, are you kidding me? I lived for Bigfoot. I went looking for Bigfoot for a TV show.

I spent a week looking for Bigfoot. So if you can believe in Bigfoot, why can't you believe in that? I can't believe in Bigfoot because I spent a week looking for Bigfoot. I had a bit in my act I was doing. You know what you don't find when you go looking for Bigfoot? Black people. You're more likely to find Bigfoot than you are black people out looking for Bigfoot. What you find is unfuckable white dudes camping.

Just wandering through the woods trying to work out whatever's in their head. Very little of it is about Bigfoot. If you gave everybody $12,000, a lot more people would go looking for Bigfoot. Maybe they'd find him. They should at least find something. I love about you. You're like, you know what, dude? You have thought this through.

$12,000 a You have thought this through. 12K a year could find Bigfoot. You know, when I knew that... I always had a feeling that it was probably horseshit. Yeti, too? Does that cover Yeti and Abominable Snowman? They used to be an animal called a Giganopithecus.

That's what a lot of this is based on. The Giganopithecus lived as recently as 100,000 years ago. Ape or man or? It was a bipedal hominid in the orangutan family that was potentially eight feet tall. A sky ape. Giant fucking big standing freaky ape thing. And the reason why they figured out it was bipedal, they believed. Like Dr. Zaius, dude.

Yeah. Well, like Bigfoot. Really, it would be. Well, it's eight feet tall. It would be Bigfoot. I guess it's shorter. It's bipedal they believe it's dude yeah well like bigfoot really it would be tall it would be bigfoot i mean it was sure it's bipedal like us and they don't know if that's true or not because they only have some jaw bones and see what happened was this guy found a tooth in an apothecary shop in china i want to say the 1920s, and he was an anthropologist. And when he was there, he looked at this like, what's this? Where'd you get this? And they took him to the place where they got it.

He saw the tooth, and he recognized it as a primate tooth, but far larger than a gorilla's, far larger than a human being's. He's like, whoa, this is like a giant tooth. What the fuck's going on? They took him to this spot, and then he found more bones. And then it was eventually recognized as an actual animal, and they call it giganopithecus. They just don't know that. That could have been Bigfoot? Yeah.

Let me show them the picture of giganopithecus next to a person. What area of the world was giganopithecus? I found the baseball guy. It's the same guy. Okay. Fucking do it. But just right now, before we get to the baseball guy, show the picture of giganopithecus next to a human being. Gigantopithecus. This is human being. Gigantopithecus.

This is, you know, scientists believe this. So this is not like Bigfoot researchers that are claiming this is a real animal. This is like actual scientists. There's a picture of one standing right next to a dude. It's like a statue of Gigantopithecus covered in hair. You got it? It's huge. So this was a real animal.

That right there again that's harry and the hendersons that is bigfoot i mean if that is what i mean and again this is not bigfoot researchers they didn't create this this is created by actual anthropologists when did this exist it's as recently as a hundred thousand years ago so no chance that there's one still hanging out oh there's definitely a chance. It's just, I mean, unless we comb every inch of the earth and we give an audit on every single living creature that is in the densest of dense forests, we can't really say that. That's true. Because they find new shit all the time. We find new shit all the time.

And the Pacific Northwest, where these things, the reason why it works, it works geologically or geographically. Because that animal existed in Asia. We know that humans came from Asia. Like, literally, American Indians, Native Americans, they're from Siberia. Like, they have the same DNA as people who came from Asia. They came across that Bering Strait. So we were all connected to Pangea or something like that? The whole thing has been connected and separated for as long as humans have been human, right?

So if we came from that area, we know that a bunch of other animals came from that area too, and they think that it's entirely possible that that big-ass monkey thing came from that area too. Somebody brought it with them? It just came. Like all these other things, they came across. Just took a walk before us. Just like, let's make the walk. That could be where the whole Yeti thing comes from.

The Yeti thing is one of those living in an extremely cold climate during the Ice Age. I mean, it's entirely possible. And people either saw a remnant of it or, but never alive. They would have never crossed paths. I bet they did back in the day, for sure. I bet they did. Are you serious? Yeah, 100%.

We would cross paths with all the other great apes. We'd cross paths with orangutans. Why wouldn't we think we'd cross paths with a gigantopithecus? Because you'd see it and you'd fucking run. If it's really smart, it would have a fucking house and a cell phone. It's not smart enough to hide from us. Like, get the fuck out of here. If we could find a gorilla.

I'm sitting there going, like, wait, what? This is the problem. We can find a gorilla. We can find a chimp. We find the howler monkey. So you should be able to find this guy. But this one monkey's so slick. It's still a monkey.

It doesn't even have pants. This stupid fuck, he doesn't have shoes. He doesn't have a house. Is that your barometer for intelligence? You're like, pants or no pants? I could beat a man with no pants. You're gonna freeze to death or you're gonna figure out fire? You're walking around on two legs like you're the shit. Come on, bro. Figure it out.

So if he could figure out nothing except escaping people, he'd be like, wow, what an extraordinarily animal. Extraordinarily intelligent animal. It's figured out at least how to get the fuck away from people. But it doesn't even have a house. Like, come on. I'm not buying it.

I don't think it's a real thing. I'm with you, but. I think it was a real thing. I think it was a real thing. It's based on something. But I don't think it is a real thing. So do you think somebody sees one of those frozen in a cave and then it's passed down or they could have encountered it if people have been around for i think what did

we decide the other day in this form i think the consensus is like at least 250 000 years we've been in this form that means for 150 000 years we lived around those fucking things and that has got to be in our head because most likely they were probably peaceful because they were so big like orangutans. But if that wanted to, it would just throw you like a water balloon. And you would splatter against a coconut tree and that would be the end of that.

And you'd imagine there'd be someone in our history who were like, and then there was the Great Ape War. We probably killed them. We probably figured out bows and arrows and we probably started fucking killing them from a distance. It's probably why we're alive and they're not. And nobody remembers?

It's too long ago. How can we know? It's shit passed down. People tell things. Like, I know shit about my grandmother and grandfather. We know we killed those hobbit people. That's a really fairly new revelation. Oh, my God.

This is my favorite part. Island of Flores. Yeah. There's a small being that they found on the island of Flores that's in the human species that they're literally calling the Hobbit people. It's called like Homo floriensis or something like that. And this is 100% confirmed now. I mean, this is 100% accepted by mainstream science that this was an actual type of human being or type of where the third one in type of

yeah the third one and that was a real animal it wasn't a human necessarily like a homo sapien but it was some human id or hominid some human like based on finding skull finding a bunch of them they found they found quite a but there was a bunch of resistance. Now, when I say that it definitely lived, there are people to this day that don't think it lived. But the vast consensus amongst these anthropologists that this is a real animal. But there's always going to be people that are willing to, you know, debate it. And they found a bunch of bones of these little tiny people like things. And what they think is that these are like literally like hobbit people. And that there was always been a legend of,

I forget what part of the world it's called, but there's a thing called the Orin Pendek. I think that's how you say it? Orin Pendek. And that was a little tiny ape-like person. And they think that this legend of these little tiny ape like people it was this species that this was a real species And they think that this real species might have even preyed on human children. They might have been competing for resources We might have cannibalized them

Yeah, it's entirely possible that we cannibalized The ender toils as well. Maybe that's where the grim fairy tales come from like the troll that comes to steal your baby and shit like that. I had this guy, Dr. Jordan Peterson, from the University of Toronto the other day on the podcast, and he was telling me a story about how when the fall of the Soviet Union or in Russia in the 1930s during Marxism, that they had made signs telling people not to eat their children. Why? Because people were so starving to death, they were eating their fucking children. So they had to make billboards saying, don't eat your children.

Okay. We just went on a different track. I thought we were talking about the hobbits still. Well, we are. I mean, I'm talking about cannibalism. But you're saying cannibal, like human beings have been known to eat a human being. This was in the 1900s, through the 20th century. In our era.

In Russia, they were telling people, don't eat your children. I mean, however many it happened, three people ate their kids, four? I don't know what the numbers were. But if that was enough to the point where the government wanted to have a sign that said, please don't eat your children, like, holy shit. Yeah, that's pretty metal. Dude, it's as metal as it gets. People have been eating people for a long-ass time. And then we stopped.

Why? Because of civilization, you think? Because it's not good for you no that's where mad cow disease comes from did you know that oh my god i thank god i cleared out a bunch of my head so i could walk out of here with a bunch more knowledge go fire mad cow disease comes from something called prions yeah the prions in the brain it comes from other other the brain tissue of your of other human beings. That's one of the ways you get it.

Like at Papau, New Guinea, the cannibals of New Guinea, they developed, I think it's called Jacob-Korxfeld, which is technically mad cow disease. It's the exact same thing. We're getting it because they're feeding cows cows. They're feeding cows ground-up brain matter, which they're not supposed to fucking eat. The cows eat that. They develop these prions. The people eat that tainted beef, and the prions get into their body. That goes into their own brains and does damage to them.

And these fucking prions can exist in like 1,000 degree temperatures. They're like these indestructible organisms, and they invade your central nervous system. But it's one thing you feed a cow another cow, but you're saying that this has existed prior to mad cow disease called something else in human beings well it's probably set up to discourage predation amongst the same species that you you are a part of because if cows get it from eating cows essentially to not eat ourselves each other yeah and especially the brain tissue the brain tissue is apparently where we could really differentiate it like if you eat someone else's brain tissue that's like the new guinea um neurological jacobs kreutzfeld which which affects cannibals like literally a fucking disease affects cannibals it's like a neurological

disease when you eat brain matter from your own species that's how they get it and that's and so that's maybe that's a reason why people stopped eating people oh yeah i mean i think it's It's crazy. And so that's, maybe that's a reason why people stopped eating people. Oh yeah, I mean, I think it's nature discouraging that. This is an aberrant behavior. This is not what we want. It's not conducive to the survival of the species. Could I eat, other than a cow

riddled cow brain, like a brain, let's say there was a normal cow brain, didn't have mad cow disease in it, no prions. Could I eat that brain? Is that okay for me? Can I eat the brain of another species? A normal cow brain you most certainly can eat and people eat lambs brains and calves brains It's like very very common that people eat brains. Why do because it's delicacies. Yeah, it's like a delicacy It's an organ that some people even prefer for some meals, but some people love eating like lambs brain and cows brain Yeah, it's trippy.

But do you get any... Is there any... Disease from it. Or nutrient from it. Do you get something that you don't get from eating another meat? That's a good question. I'm not saying, will it make me smarter to eat a lamb's brain? But I am saying will it make some part of me stronger?

What if it did? What if it did make you smarter? But cows aren't that smart. I mean, it's not like- That wouldn't be bad. What if you- Oh, how dare you. Thank you very much. Sorry.

How dare you. But yeah, if you ate like, if you ate a really intelligent thing, I wonder if you'd get more intelligent. Well, obviously it would have to be something outside your species. Imagine. Imagine if there was like magic in brains and the more brains you ate the more power your brain had yeah and you just like i think people have believed that a zombie thing time i don't know if that's necessary well the zombies used to want brains i've called for

brains in the not in the romero flick no well think about romero's the modern father of zombies right yeah i mean there have been, the concept of undead human has been around forever, but calling it a zombie, it comes out of the graveyard, it wants to eat your brains. I don't think they ever said brains in that movie.

The zombies never say brains. Who did say brains? Who do you think said brains first? I think the first one that might have happened, and you can look it up, but I think it's, is it Revenge of the Living Dead?

Which had nothing to do with the Night of the Living Dead. Oh, yes, that one was great. Remember the scene in the cemetery where the girl has sex, she takes her gear off? Yeah. I remember watching that on early days of cable. I'm like, oh my gosh, she's gonna have sex right here in the graveyard.

And then there's a zombie attack. Dude, that movie was great. It was a really wonderful film. That was a fun movie. Because it was kind of tongue in cheek. It did, it had a hipness to it, something funny to it and shit. But it was pretty committed to was a really wonderful film. That was a fun movie. Because it was kind of tongue-in-cheek. It did. It had a hipness to it, something funny to it and shit. But it was pretty committed to its gore as well. I've got to write that down.

Revenge of the Living Dead. Revenge of the Living Dead. Shared childhood. I can't hate on zombies because I'm bailing on The Walking Dead. I've got to fulfill my zombie love elsewhere. Is that what it's called? Return of the Living Dead. 1985.

That's right. And what did it say uh oh oh because it was made by john russo parted ways and reached the agreement that russo would retain the rights to the living dead suffix while romero use agreed to use of the dead in any subsequent media he produced how funny man those are the two dudes came up with night of living dead so he's like you take uh living Dead and I'll take of the whatever. That's hilarious. They split it up. They negotiated it.

That's hilarious. That seems rational, though. Not bad. I like to think they did that with a smile and they shook hands. Do you think George Romero is like, man, I wish I'd put my zombies on TV? I don't know, man. That's what I'm saying. The problem is it's not about zombies anymore. The zombies have

like, they're so radically different. Go back to these little people. Could they eat human brains? Yeah, that was the problem. One of the things they were speculating... We gotta finish that, man. One of the things they were speculating is that those things might have preyed on people, and that we might have preyed on them. And that

might be also what we did to the Neanderthals. They found Neanderthals, apparently, that had some scouring marks inside their heads. Like we might have, like someone in the past might have killed a Neanderthal and then ate him and broke his brain open and scooped the brains out and cooked it. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Super, super, super hard to survive 500,000 years ago. Put it in perspective when you're sitting around going, like, man, the person I wanted to win the presidency didn't win the presidency.

And you're like, there was a time, dude, where you'd be eating Neanderthal's brains, and you'd be sitting there going, never thought I'd be here, but you'd be doing it. And by the way, you would be one of the lucky ones. Because most people, they'd be eating your brains. That's true. If you were eating neanderthal brains

you survived dude you clubbed him with that mastodon bone over the fucking head while he was trying to rape your mom or whatever the hell went on oh my god every story goes dark can't it just be a can't it be like a first thanksgiving story where like me and the neanderthals like come to a common ground no you're eating his brain they give me his a brain and i give them some maybe like a dude who just fell yeah they're like he we have no need for him. He ate his brain. And like, once a year. We'll only do this once a year. Right. Imagine if that was the deal. Like, look, we're not going to kill you. Please don't kill us. But if one of your guys dies,

can we eat him? That's not, I mean, call me crude, but that's not a bad deal, right? It's not the worst deal. And think about this. It's like, why? What are you going to do with him? I know there's the sentimentality and the nostalgia of like, oh, the dead. But it's like, you're just going to put him in the ground. He's going to rot. What a waste of energy. So you give us your dead.

We'll give you our dead. And that will keep peace amongst the living. Dude, we're on to a movie right here. Or a better version of government in a world where you're like, who needs a president? Maybe this. This is the civilization stabilizer. Have you ever heard of a Tibetan sky funeral? No.

Dude. Tell me. Prepare to freak the fuck out. Here we go. Because the way they handle it in Tibet, the Himalayas, they take the body out, they score it, they chop it up into chunks, and then the vultures come in. And they get it down to the bone, and then they smash the bones up, and then the vultures come in and they consume the bones. And they do it all. There's images of it. You can watch it. Here, pull it up. I don't know if that blew my mind as much as I'm like, that's kind of a letdown.

No, no, no. It's intense. Then they take the bones. This is how they deal with their dead. They feed them. They literally feed them to vultures and they film it and they take photos of this. This is like this intense ceremony that they do of their dead. This is what they do now. Well, you can see it.

That's why I'm having Jamie pull it up. I thought this was like the pictures of the little people that didn't exist anymore. This is happening right now. This is on Live Lake, too, so I'm not going to put it up. So no cemeteries for them. Just go in with the images because there's a bunch of websites that have some Tibetan sky funeral. I mean, we don't want to watch it necessarily. Let's just look at some of the images.

But they film them now. I'd rather watch it than go to one. Let's just look at some of the images. But they film them now. People can see what these people are doing. I'd rather watch it than go to one. Like if I have to choose between the two. Yeah, you don't want to be there while that's going down. It might be a little weird. It's not up on YouTube either, though. Just give me the images so that we can see them.

So that's just a spinal cord and a skull. And mind you, this is like they kill the motherfucker. This is just one of their dead monks. Just a regular person. So rather than bury them in the ground or burn them? He's just getting picked apart. And then after they pick him apart, he's almost down to nothing. Then they have the bones, and they'll take the bones and smash them,

and the birds will come in and eat the bones. And the birds know. You just clicked on, Jamie, up above right there where you see the body? Right next to that. Yeah, look at that. So they've taken this guy and they just treat him. Is that a dead human being? No, it's a bunch of dead human beings.

They take these human beings that die in wherever part of the world this is, in Tibet, and they cut their bodies up for the vultures. And they wear gloves. I mean, these are modern people. He's got Levi's on and a belt. And he's chopping up this person's body. And then, these are modern people. He's got Levi's on and a belt and he's chopping up this person's body and then they leave it out there. And if you go through those series

of pictures, Jamie, there's a whole series of them. Oh my God. And you see... Oh, I wasn't ready for that. I can't unsee that shit. I thought they were just throwing dead bodies out there and letting the vultures pick them clean. Well, in order to help, because they want it to be done within a good amount of time. And the more it's chopped chopped up like that the more vultures it'll attract and

the quicker the whole process will be what is the reaction do you think it's ooh squeamish or do you think it's uh ego do you think it's just like what like no i'm far more complex like i've got way more going on in my head and body i can't wind up as bird food but at the end of the day you're food for something yeah man it's not the worst way to go because you're gone well i mean as long as you don't go like you know fucking like at the mouth of something while you're still alive but if they were like look when you're dead however you pass we want to feed you to something else yeah i think i'm okay with that well particularly i feed a lot motherfucker they'd remember me they'd be like oh he fed the village for like nine months.

You'd be amazed how quick they put you down. They'd eat you so fast. Take the joy out of that, too. They eat a whole elephant. Like, dude, go fast. You'd disappear in a second. Yeah. I know a dude who was in Africa when someone shot an elephant.

He said they just chopped that elephant up to like a million pieces and handed them out to all these villagers. They came from far and wide to get elephant meat. I was like, whoa. So everyone could eat. I was like, how quick did it go? It's a sense of a bunch of people eating nuts. Some asshole was just like, Hey man, I killed something.

Just kill something. Well, I don't know the guy. I don't know who killed the actual elephant. It might've been one of those guys that we just went there to kill an elephant. And so, and then, but when they kill the elephant, so it's such a catch 22, but when they kill the elephant, it's such a catch-22. But when they kill the elephant, it's very beneficial to the environment

because they can pay for more of the park rangers to protect the elephants against poachers, and then the people all around the village get the meat. The thing is, some places, elephants are endangered. But some places, they decide, the people decide, there's a surplus, those elephants, because they're trampling on people's crops or eating people's stuff you know automatically you say like hey you should never kill elephants for sure but the the real problem is with some of these extremely poor

people where elephants invade their crops you can't do a goddamn thing yeah and those are the people that want help and then they hire someone to come and kill an elephant it's very the whole thing's very fucked up. Way more complex than my teenage daughter may paint it. Well, I mean, we would all like to think that human beings and elephants live so far away from each other that it was a non-issue, and we just let the elephants survive out there in the wild and leave them the fuck alone. That's what we'd all like, right?

Right. The problem with that is they do live with people, and they live with people that that are super poor and they live with people that have houses that are made out of fucking hay and uh they're people too and as we all know yeah it's like hey it's just like you know it's not oh i mean it's not always that it's i mean there's a lot of it is trophy hunting a lot of it is poachers trying to steal ivory. There's a lot of real darkness to killing elephants, no doubt about it. And ideally, no one should ever have to kill an elephant. But if you don't want those people to kill the elephants, someone's got to figure out a way to at least capture them and make it valuable to transport them to some other part of Africa where they're not going to kill this guy or trample and eat all of his crops. some other part of Africa where they're not going to kill this guy or trample and eat all of his crops.

Unless you don't give a fuck about the guy, you know, and you don't care. And you say, well, that guy's going to have to starve to death because the elephant is just as important as a living organism as the guy is, which is another argument. Something has to fall in order for you to rise. I see how people think that way. I understand. I understand where they're coming from. I disagree. You know, I'm more into people. I understand. I understand where they're coming from. I disagree. You know, I'm more into people.

I like people more than any other animal. But I love other animals, too. So I get where they're coming from. I just think that it's complex. Yeah. Eating any animal is complex. Like, my buddy Brian just killed a rat in his house. He had a rat trap, and he killed a rat.

And I was like, whoa, you got him. Whoa, that's good. And I sent him a text message. You got him. And I was thinking, it's one of the few animals you could cheer for its murder. And people back you up. Yeah, everybody backs you up.

You showed a picture of a rat that you killed with a trap. Like, ah, must have been satisfying. Yeah, well done, man. Fuck, ooh, that grosses me out. If you're watching TV and you hear a snap, and you're like, motherfucker,

and you go in the kitchen and you got a fat rat, you are happy. I've, you know, we live out in the, we live in the Hollywood Hills and sometimes it gets dry and, you know. Rats. Fucking, it's crazy. It's one of those things that,

like I grew up in New Jersey, and you would imagine that, you know, according to every joke you've ever heard, that's where I would have encountered a rat. Never encountered a rat in my life until I lived in Los Angeles. Really? And so you're living in the hills and the desert. Yeah, I lived in the suburbs of Jersey.

There weren't a lot of rats. And we were by the water, too. Whoa. So the rats, if there were rats, they lived in the rocks by the water and shit. There were a lot more fish in those days as opposed to lately. But yeah, fuck, where was I going with that rats so rat I didn't see until I got to Los Angeles

they come out of the hills because it's dry and we got a pool and water tracks and then you know you think like oh my god if I ever had a rat in my house I'd fucking go ape shit and then suddenly you know you're like oh we are a house that gets rats in it and it's not like the stereotype that you always think of where it's

like we live like pigs and it's filth everywhere it's just like the creature's looking for fucking food and yeah that's the creepy thing it's like you'd be sitting in your office and you hear something in a wall yeah and you realize oh my god they my God. And they got, once they get in, they get the inside of your house down to a system in science, unless you plug all the holes. And we've had to go through that thing where you plug all the holes and then the skittering stops. You never hear it again.

Yeah. Those motherfuckers, they will camp out in your house. And if it's a safe spot, they're like, this is where we live now. They're making a little nest in there, especially if you have insulation in your attic.

Yeah. I feel like the nest and that stuff. Woof. It happens. But you're right, man. People get like, like to nest in that stuff. Oof. It happens. But you're right, man. People get like, yeah. That's an animal that you're allowed to kill. So like elephant, no.

Rat, yes. You know? Like tiger, no. You know? Like mouse, yes. Right? It always comes back to. We have rules.

It's true. Yeah, there's always going to be a guideline there. I found a mouse the other day, and I have one of those little pails with a mop for barbecuing you know like a little and the the mop thing was sitting there and i saw this little motherfucker run up the top and go into the bucket i was like god damn it i got a mouse in that thing fuck i'm like that's gross he's gonna shit all over that little brush so i took him over to the i picked up the bucket i took him over to the fence and just emptied him out on the other side and he fell and he just hit

the ground and just stand there like what the fuck i just fell out of the sky and he just slowly started walking off and like i don't think he knew what the fuck happened right but immediately i thought damn i should have fed him to my chickens what What do you mean? A chicken would eat a mouse? Oh. Dude, would they eat a mouse? They go after them. Like raptors. Like raptors in Jurassic Park. Like what you would imagine.

Chickens like to eat mice? Dude, chickens are straight up dinosaurs. If you, remember that scene in Jurassic Park? What is that? A chicken with a mouse? Yeah. Pull it back so we can see it. They'll fuck a mouse up, dude. And they fight over them. They all know. And so they

run after each other. They stole it from the fucking cat. Look at that cat. Cat's like, bitch, that was mine. That was mine. What the fuck? And it's gonna eat that mouse? Dude, I've seen chickens eat mice. My chickens. I've seen them eat one that I fed them. But I've told the story too many times.

Oh, they don't want to stare. They fight. They peck at each other. They bite off each other's skin trying to get at the mouse. They steal little pieces from each other. Yeah, he got a little piece. Remember that scene in Jurassic Park? I saw a video of a snake.

No, a bunny. Mother bunny fighting a snake, no, a bunny, mother bunny fighting a snake. There's a video starts with the snake over a little patch of baby bunnies. Nowhere this fucking mother rabbit smokes in, dude, and you've never seen anything fight like this in your life. Maybe you have, you go to the UFC shit, but this. So the mother rabbit went after the snake?

And wouldn't stop, bitch. It wasn't like, I'm gonna get the snake away from my baby. The snake fucked off. It's like, I get it, I get it. And the rabbit wanted revenge. The rabbit was like, fuck you. And kept going. Like, it was something I'd never seen before. Generally, you know, unless you're a bear, right? You defend,

get the thing away from you, and then you go take care of your fucking young. This rabbit chased it to the... Here it is, bitch. Watch this shit. This is crazy. So I'm sitting there going, ew, it ate the bunny already. I don't know if it did anything, but it's just right now on top of all. Is that squeezing the bunny? Look at this. Oh, wow. So it's the babies in there. Oh, it killed the baby. It looks like it killed one, right? That one's pretty quiet. It killed a couple of them. Look. So watch her go fucking ape shit, dude. It just it smothered her fucking babies man imagine her coming

back and seeing that and this is why this is crazy but dude it goes on for at least a minute and a half like even when the snake gets away did you know that a rabbit could do this shit no look at that look at how many times babababa bang with kicks biting it and kicking it at the same time she's like I fucking hate you just tore up its body Its body's got all these holes in it now. Wow. But not done. Watch.

Wait till it gets to the wall and does a fucking 360. Watch this shit. Oh, whoa. It's trying to kill it. Yes. It's going after it and pulling it down. Yes. It doesn't want it to get away.

It wants to kill it. Revenge, dude. Like, that's... Whoa. Look at that shit. You see it flip? Because it to get away it wants to kill revenge dude like that's whoa look at that shit you see it flip because it almost bit her whoa that's not even a poisonous snake rabbit's not done wow that is amazing man where what part of the world is this uh there's uh where is it because you hear kids talking and it's definitely got they got an accent you hear kids talk they have an accent or they have you hear the kids going uh do it by me and stuff like oh like england or some shit

not quite england but like definitely europe but look even on the rocks this motherfucker is not done it's like from hell's heart i stab at thee. It says save babies. She didn't save them. That fucking thing killed a couple of them. She might have saved one. Maybe click on it and see if somewhere there's an explanation or something like that. Or maybe that's what they told the kids. She saved the babies, but I didn't see

any movement there. To me, that was the story of a mother coming home, seeing her kids dead and was like, I'm going to fucking kill you. And that's a very human story. You don't really think about that in the animal kingdom but like that's very human there it is whether it was revenge or whether she just knew that if that thing was alive it presented a threat to the other baby and she had to kill it because if she let it go eventually she would have to leave to come back to get food and the baby would be gone it would find out where it was maybe she knew that it So you're in the middle of like the worst moment

of your fucking life. You're like, I just lost two kids. And you're like, I still have to fucking kill this thing to death. Otherwise, it'll come back and take my other baby, maybe me in the night. And like so poorly equipped for battle to the death. Yeah.

All fluffy and shit with nothing but like buck teeth. But look what happens. Like, holy shit, man. Unleashed. Just like grabbing and kicking, scratching, like apparently until you're just goring that fucking thing. And that snake was a pretty nasty customer, but he was still like, I'm done. Fuck it.

I'm fucking done. Yeah. Serpents and snakes and lizards and all those unfeeling cold things that existed before time. Chickens are in that group, bro. Really? Yeah, they're in that group. You don't realize it until you see them tear a mouse apart. Primordial?

They're like raptors. They're Jurassic Park raptors. They're just little. You see them in the kitchen, open doors and shit? Well, they're not that smart, but they're smart enough to like, if I have rocks around my house, if I pick up a rock, the chickens will go towards it

because they know there's bugs under it. Oh, really? They figure that out. Yeah, but it's not about being smart. It's about that lizard brain. Like they mostly are, they're omnivores. They mostly eat grain

because most of them are being kept by people. Right. And that's the best way for you to feed them. But when you let them loose, they eat every fucking thing that moves. Really? Everything. Every bug, dead.

Every snake, snails, dead. Anything. Whatever's on the ground, dead. And apparently a mouse. They caught a mouse. They'll fight to the death over that mouse. They chase each other, claw it out of each other's mouths. They're little eating machines.

Would they eat chicken? Oh, yeah. They'd eat each other. For sure. They'd peck holes in each other. But, I mean, is that just pecking holes? If you fed them chicken, they'd eat the shit out of it. Really?

If you cooked some chicken or made raw chicken and put it out there, they'd eat the fuck out of it. They wouldn't even think twice. You might be like, it's you. It's fucking you. They'd be like, bop. Bop. Bop. Bop.

Bop. And they'd go open a kitchen door. They're not smart. How many have you got now? 22. Does it irritate you to watch Jurassic Park where you're like, where are the fucking feathers, bro? We all know these things have feathers. Well, now.

Now I think they should have feathers. They did make Jurassic World just recently. Yeah. Did it have feathers? No. No feathers. No. Well, it's probably too hard, like CGI-wise, because you can't use just one big texture.

That's going to be the next big cash grab like when they reboot the franchise it's going to be like we finally got feathers on now it's fucking historically accurate remember when we were kids

Columbus discovered America and dinosaurs were green yeah the good old days or the days the days now they're off there's a museum of Montana

I never understood the dinosaur thing I'll be honest with you understood it in what way in as much. There's a museum of Montana in Bozeman. I never understood the dinosaur thing. I'll be honest with you. Understood it? In what way? In as much as you find a bunch of bones. Right. And then you extrapolate what it looked like.

Well, you mean it depends on the extent of what you're finding. There has to be some sort of consensus on what actually is a dinosaur. Like how much of this belongs to the same animal. Especially because you're dealing with fossilized remains. And the problem with fossilized remains are it's not really the bone anymore. It's like the bone disappears, it's replaced by minerals, and it makes this rock.

So you can't really do DNA tests on it for the most part. So you've got to find enough of them laid out in the same way where you agree that this was this animal. And they've changed that over time from the beginning of the first discoveries of dinosaurs to today. But now they've been doing it for so long, they have a pretty good idea. And then every now and then they find a new one, and they go, well, we'll check out this motherfucker. What is he? But again, I'll grant you, hey, this is what its bones would look like if we put it together.

But how do they get to, like, its skin was like this? They don't. They don't. So it's all bullshit. All speculation. They fed us speculation for years. And now at least they're going, we think it's got feathers. We're pretty sure it's got feathers.

One guy had a really cool idea about T-Rex, that T-Rex would have like vulture colors. The T-Rex, because it was, they think that T-Rex, like some people think that he was a predator, and other people think that he was a scavenger. And one of the reasons why they think that he was a predator, and other people think that he was a scavenger. And one of the reasons why they think that he was a scavenger is they look at it the way his body's built. They're like, he couldn't possibly run very fast. He couldn't really possibly chase things down.

He's really super awkward. But then there's other people that point to the idea that the atmosphere itself was very different back then. And it might have been much richer and thicker. And it actually might have been able to support an animal like that easier. In terms of its size? In terms of its size, in terms of the amount of life on the planet itself. The animal was so large and consumed so much. But everything was so large back then.

And everything consumed so much back then. There were so many examples of these mega animals, right? consumed so much back then. There were so many examples of these mega animals, right? Like brontosaurus and fucking allosaurus and T-Rex and these crazy gigantic fucking things roaming the earth. The speculation is that life was, there was more richness of life. There was more life. And so the animals that consumed life, whether it's in the form of plants like a brontosaurus or in meat, like a T-Rex, they just got bigger and bigger and bigger because there was so much to consume. There was no need to hold back their size. Whereas if you're a chimp or if you're a human, there's only so much you can eat.

The more you eat, we've shown, the more people eat, and the more prosperous their nation, the larger the people start to get. So I think that it's entirely possible that that's the case with the world back then that the whole world was like it just supported bigger things it was just more life more green life more animals for t-rex to eat and it was just this big fucking thick oxygenated soup of life that nobody was lizard looking well there were were more bird-looking. Probably bird and lizard, because today we have crocodiles, we have Komodo dragons, and we have chickens, and we have eagles. An eagle is fucking clearly a lot like a dinosaur, right? This crazy-ass thing with swords on its fingers and death in its eyes, and it swoops down, and it's got the strength to catch a fucking fish in the water

and pull it out and fly with it. They can catch goats and pull them off the side of cliffs and watch them fall and smash on the rocks below. They do it as a strategy. In order to eat it. It's like, we'll knock it down. Have you seen that? I've heard. I've never seen it. You've never seen those videos?

There's videos. They swoop down, they catch a mountain goat, they pull them off the side of the cliff, and then they let them go. And they smash on the rocks down below. Golden eagles in particular, because they're some of the largest eagles. Yeah, giant fucking seven-foot wingspan flying demons. They snatch them and throw them. They're doing it just because that's the— Yeah, that's how they get meat.

Watch this shit. This is crazy. This is a golden eagle. Look at the eyes in that thing. That evil fucking cunt. That looks very much like a dinosaur. Oh, it is, man. That's depicted in the movie.

So sweat this. He swoops down, and they know what's coming, too. They boogie. They're like, fuck this. He swoops down. God, the shitty resolution. This must drive you nuts as a filmmaker. I'm fine. He swoops down. Look at him. must drive you nuts as a filmmaker I'm fine he swoops down he drops down boom he gets one and he takes it watch this snatch up up and away in my beautiful My beautiful balloon. Oh, my God. This poor thing is like, no.

Boom. Oh, my God. Look at that. He literally follows it to the rocks to make sure it lands on its head. And then boom, all the way to the ground. So this is a strategy. This is a strategy for eating these goats. So he'll go down there and now easy pickings.

Easy pickings. I mean, he earned it. He caught a goat slipping. Nature is red in tooth and claw. Look at this too. He carries it right to the rocks and then lets it go. Watch this. Let's it go right here. Badoja. Wow, he flew so far with that one.

Look how far he flew. That's incredible. With a goat. Maybe if he got a good hold of it, he doesn't have to throw it. If you couldn't carry, I couldn't carry a goat that far. Look at this thing. What a majestic animal, man. Do you think the goat, there's any part of the goats that's like, maybe I'll survive this? What a story I'll have to tell.

It's amazing, man. Amazing fucking life form. Flying monster, predator. Do you think, now that's not an American eagle, that's a what? That's a golden eagle. I think the largest eagles are these Venezuelan eagles called harpy eagles. And those motherfuckers kill monkeys. Really?

Yeah, yeah. I think, was that a mountain goat? That was a mountain goat. Because it looked bigger than a mountain goat. Some mountain goats are pretty big. If you can kill that, if I can kill a chimp, I haven't seen that. They kill wolves. So they just swoop down? In Mongolia, the Mongolians

have trained eagles, golden eagles, to attack wolves and kill them. And then they use their fur. There's a video of that, too. Can we? Oh, yeah. For sure. Makes you feel lazy.

Makes you feel like... It should. We should go kill something. No. It didn't make me feel bad, Joe. Sweat this. He swoops in. Okay.

This eagle swoops in, and the wolf knows exactly what the fuck is going on. Oh, he's like, fuck! Look at that guy look at that guy's face that guy is a direct descendant of genghis khan i mean they have the traditional mongol uh wear on and these eagles swoop down they see the wolf they know exactly what to do look he's got the little things this guy's like Yeah, the wolf's like, fuck this. You can't really defend against that. I would have never thought that eagles were so fearsome to wolves. I thought wolves would fucking eagle up.

Yeah, like turn around and bite its head off at the right time. I'd be like, a wolf? Dude, wolves are ferocious. But this wolf is way bigger than the eagle, too. Like, if you look at the actual body size of the eagle, I mean, it's like the wolf's like three or four times bigger. See how small he is? Dang. Look, he just grabs the back of his fucking neck and

pierces him with his claws. It's amazing. Is that a second bird or the same? Yeah, a second bird comes in. Double jack him. But the first one's already handled him. Look, he just grabs a hold of his head with those knives and just sticks those knives in his neck.

Are they eating that wolf right now? Yes. Yes, they're eating the fucking wolf. You would have never thought. I would have said, dude, that wolf is going to fuck them up. Why didn't they ever show this shit in Mulan? This looks amazing. So he gets his eagle friends.

That dog's definitely dead, right? Thanks, boys. Oh, yeah. The wolf's dead. Dead as fuck. Look, another one's coming in. Oh, look at him. He lands right on his arm.

This is amazing. Why don't they try to eat the man? I don't know. That's a good question. You know what I'm saying? Like, how long before they're like, you know, we can keep attacking these wolves or we can turn and hit the dude in the head. Well, maybe if the dude keeps bringing them wolves, they're like, look, guys, he seems

pretty cool. Yeah, but if the bird figures out, like, he didn't bring me a fucking wolf. There are wolves out there for the taking just like there are humans. I could be picking the spool off. I could turn around and eat his fucking eyes out. That's a good point. Damn, you're making a lot of sense today. What were we going to look up before we were going to look up that?

There was something else. Oh, the harpy eagle that swoops down and kills monkeys that's one of the reasons uh why we look up all the time apparently people look up they have a consistent like instinct to look up like you're in the forest or something like that you look up one of the main reasons is they think that there's an ancient instinct that we have to protect ourselves from flying raptors because they found you you know, old hominids, like not necessarily humans, but in the human tree that had predation marks from eagles in the inside of their skulls.

So it came from that. Yeah, from eagles, from eagles swooping down and, you know, especially larger eagles. Yeah, I look up a lot of shit. No, no, not look up shit. Do you look up for danger? Look up? Like, yeah, bro, I use Google i'll use google you're like come on motherfucker i google everything i need references no i don't but apparently it's an instant i mean i'm not mostly in the woods like

looking around in the forest but apparently when you go to the forest like there's an instinct to look up that also could be connected to cats too it's potentially you know but most of the time big cats are not hiding in the trees when they come down and get you, but they can be. Fucking cats. I'm worried about ticks. I'm looking up because I'm like, I'm not going to get any ticks in my hair, man. Somebody has to use a Bic later to burn that.

Fucking Lyme disease, man. Yeah. That's a dark and silent killer. And it was something we've seen develop in our lifetime. Am I right about that? Yes. It didn't exist when I was a kid. And then one day somebody was like, if you get bit by a deer tick, you'll be fucked up for a long time.

It's like mono times a thousand. Yeah. I know a guy who got Lyme disease, misdiagnosed. Steven Kotler, a guest on the podcast really recently, misdiagnosed for about a year. Wound up spending three years in the hospital because of it. Three years in the hospital because of Lyme disease. Wrecked his immune system. Because the misdiagnosis of over a year and all these different doctors

who told him it wasn't that, that's not what it is, you might be going crazy. One doctor told him he had AIDS. Are you fucking shitting me? Yes, the doctor told him you have AIDS. He's like, what? It was during the time where a lot of people had AIDS, and he was saying, no, I think it's Lyme disease. The doctor's like, no, you think, I think it's Lyme disease.

Like, gosh, like, no, you have AIDS. Like, holy shit. You know, because your immune system is devastated when you have Lyme disease. Can you like wasting away? Oh, yeah. Sue a doctor like that? Sue the fuck out of everybody. Jesus.

He didn't tell us the numbers, but I believe he got paid. So. As Damon Wayans would say it. He had to go through a lot to get there, though. There's easier ways. I'm sure he wouldn't have chosen. Oh, heans would say it. He had to go through a lot to get there, though. There's easier ways. I'm sure he wouldn't have chosen it. Oh, he didn't want it. But I think he learned a lot about himself, like overcoming this incredible health crisis. But I've had many people that I'm friends with get Lyme disease.

I know at least 10 people. But you go out in the woods a lot and hunt. Yeah. And that's where they're all contracting it? I know several people who've gotten it from that, for sure. Yeah, but I know other people that have gotten it just from, uh. Don't say just like living. Just from upstate New York. You know, you're just like going fishing or something like that.

I mean, it doesn't have to be upstate New York. It could be North Carolina. It could be, you know. All outdoors though, right? Almost all outdoors. Almost all ticks. Ever happened here in California? Yes.

Yes. It's not as prevalent, but it has happened here in California. Like ticks are fucking bad news, man. They're carriers. And that disease is insidious. And it's a tricky one, too, because it's oftentimes misdiagnosed or especially what he was talking about. Kotler was saying that the doctors in California weren't really hip to it because it's not common. But AIDS was more common. So that's one of the reasons why this guy. It was also insurance, and it was a shitty deal where the doctor wasn't getting paid very much for each person that came to him, so he wasn't very motivated.

We kind of went through the full gamut of explaining how it came to be. But yeah, misdiagnosed for a year, wanted to spend three years in the hospital. Yeah, losing that much time three years in the hospital. Yeah, that's a, losing that much time to something where you're like, what bit me? A fucking, again, that's where human arrogance or ego would come in, where I'm like, a fucking bug put its dirty spit in

me and now I'm going to be in a hospital three fucking years? This isn't fucking fair! And then you remember there are guys out and fucking Tibet, chopping people up for vultures up chop people up so the vultures can eat them while you're making movies smoking weed relax yeah relax buddy everything seems pretty awesome i'm not sweating the tics anymore you're not sweating shit you're doing fantastic i came back from recently i was in vancouver i've been i have been in the woods lately

through uh i did directed two episodes of the flash one last season on this season which was fucking fun and that one episode the second episode no uh yeah i think so the old episodes but it's a cw show i need to watch that show it's it's dope if you like dc comics oh my god i love comic book movies i'm i'm more into them now as i get older than i i was when was younger. It's a show. It's, you know, it centers about a boy who runs very fast to solve all his problems. But at the, really, it's just soap operas for boys. Or again, girls.

I'm not even going to limit it. It's just, they're very soap operatic. It's, you know, it's like very episodic and they throw in an adventure each week. But it's more about the relationship between the characters and stuff. That's kind of what you keep coming back for. It's a good balance of heart humor and heroics like you know they got the family stuff or friendship stuff like yeah it's important to be friends then they got some laughs and then the heroics is like holy shit look at them run fast holy shit look at her fly i did an episode of supergirl as well so i was in vancouver like three times in the span of the last

year um and we were out at one point out in the woods. And I remember being kind of like, can I get some protection? And they're like, you think they're getting laid out here in the woods? I was like, no, for like ticks and stuff like that. Like, oh, that's not a real big problem here. I don't know if it is up in the Pacific Northwest. You would imagine with all those fucking trees. I don't think it's a real big problem in the Pacific Northwest.

I think it's more of an East Coast problem. Well, they named it after Lyme, Connecticut. That's where all the- That's where it originated. That's where the original diagnosis of it was. How long it existed before that is anybody's guess. I don't know. But I do know it's also connected to other neurological disorders like Morgellons.

Morgellons is a weird one where people think they have strands of fibers growing out of their body. And oftentimes they have these crazy delusions. And what Kotler was saying was that it has a neurological effect. He didn't have like Morgellons disease, but one of the doctors that I interviewed about Morgellons was telling me that he believes it's connected to Lyme disease because Lyme disease has some sort of neurotoxicity effect it has some sort of an effect where it distorts reality and Kotler had a real problem every was talking about he couldn't figure out whether a Green light meant go or he didn't understand didn't understand how to drive anymore like his body out of nowhere nowhere out of nowhere

And he's realizing while something's really wrong And this neurotoxicity effect, this whatever it was doing to pollute his brain's ability to function correctly, the more jealous people think it's also what makes you claw at your skin and think there's fibers in there. And you start seeing shit. And then they get fibers from their clothes stuck to their scabs. And they think that's growing out of their body. But it's more likely just an offshoot of lime because apparently when you get lime you're not getting one bacteria it's one of the reasons why the results that people have like when they when they get bitten vary so widely it's like there's a gang of different ones right and there's a bunch of different also like uh neighboring

poisons and toxins that this this tick could have in its body it might just not be this simple lyme disease oh here's that one bacteria the tick has it no the tick the tick might have a host of different pathogens that affect you as a lyme disease like it's not just this guy who has it explaining to me and i'm shitting my fucking pants, because I know so many people who have gotten this. And there's no one like, hey, take this antibiotic, it knocks it out. No, no, no, no. And it varies

widely how your body reacts to it, when you get it. My friend's son, my friend Steven Rinella, his son got it. The doctor misdiagnosed him. The kid wound up getting Bell's palsy, where his face started going numb. In childhood? Yes. That happened to my dad when he was in his 50s. Well, most likely

the young body could probably bounce back from it better than the old body. But for a lot of people like my friend Cody has it, he's like 26, I think. And he says his fucking joints hurt all the time. And that it's from having Lyme. Like from that point on, his joints are

always achy i've not been bit by a tick and i don't have lime disease but lately i've noticed i'm 46 now so i have noticed aging in a way that i haven't before my knee lately doing nothing and i'm not an active guy at all has been being fucking weird and somebody said it's from descending a hill i walk every day. Walk the dogs like a mile and a half up a hill and back down. That's like my exercise routine. And down the hill, they said that's what's doing it to you. They're like, how do you walk?

And I was like, I don't know, like this? And they're like, you don't do heel-toe? And I was like, I don't know, don't I? And they're like, no, look. And apparently I walk ball-heel. Well, ball-heel up is the way to go. Yes. Ball-heel down apparently. Is it heel-toe down? up is the way to go. Yes. Ball heel down apparently not good. But is it heel toe down?

Apparently is what they're saying, but I don't know anybody. Like, unless you're thinking about walking heel toe, I don't know if you necessarily fall into a heel toe type pattern. Well, the real issue is there's a big issue with shoes. Like, the way we have constructed shoes, we've created a gate that's an unnatural, like, heel toe forward gate. People always used to walk on the ball with their foot because the ball of the foot acts as a shock absorber. It allows you to slowly lower your heel down to the ground, which is why a lot of those barefoot runners, they do so well.

If you're running barefoot all the time, you're developing these incredibly strong feet, and they're springing. They don't need these these big thick cushions but we and i guess it was like the 1970s when nike came out with a running shoe they developed that big fat ass heel and then people started running on the heel they started bouncing on the heel instead of using the natural shock absorbing motion of landing a fucking shoe changed the way we walk as human beings? It changed our running gait. Wow. Yeah. Which would also, would it affect your walking gait as well? Sure. Yeah.

Sure. Yeah. So prior to the sneaker, what was that guy's name? Phil Knight or something like that? I don't know. Who invented Nike? Jamie yours. Is it Phil Knight?

Jamie goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's excited. He's a sneaker head. Phil Knight literally changed, what is it? He buys Yeezys. What's that? Exactly. Exactly.

Thank you. God bless you. God bless you and your kind soul. I heard Yeezy in there. I was like, maybe that's Kanye West. Yeah, it's amazing that you don't know that. Thank you. See? I try to keep my head firmly lodged up the ass of the 90s.

That's where shit was good for me. He was like, you don't know what Yeezys are? I'm like, you get away from me. You're not poisoning me. Always keep your finger on the pulse, Joseph. But meanwhile, people look at his sneakers. Hey, yo, fresh Yeezys. And he's like, yeah. Jamie gets all happy. And he looks over at me like,

ah, bitch. How many people have done that? Like five or six? A lot. A lot. A lot. No, I'm not saying it's me. You a big sneakerhead? Oh, he's a dork. We had a pair of sneakers once. We had a Smodcast pair of sneakers for the podcast. He's a super sneaker dork. Sneakers are awesome, man. I like them, but I only like...

You gotta tell me, man. I have those Converse 2s. Fell apart on me quick. Kind of shocked. Like, the Converse 1s, virtually indestructible. You know, Converse 2s fell apart on me pretty fucking quick. You tend to do a lot more active shit than the average bear, though, to be fair. Yeah, but, like, these are the shit.

Converse 1s. These are the shit., but, like, these are the shit. Converse Ones. These are the shit. Chuck Taylors, they're the shit. They have no sole. There's, like, the rubber sole, but there's no cushioning. There's, like, very little, like, sponge. Kind of like Vans. You feel the ground.

Vans were like that as well. You feel the ground. Yeah, sort of, yeah. Like, those thin-soled shoes. To me, it's like that's how you're supposed to walk. You're not supposed to walk with this crazy cushion on the bottom. Whenever I do the UFC, I wear dress shoes. And dress shoes have a heel.

And if you stand in them with that heel for a while, it kind of makes your feet feel weird. They don't feel good. They want to get out of them. If you're wearing Converse All-Stars, you get out of them. It's not like your feet were hurting right you know the second skinny yeah there aren't slippers there's so minimal they're like they're the best sneaker my mind for like just wearing just walking around where I'm not even getting paid by converse no I'm just advocating the same way you'd be

like look we should all be nice to each other we should all get $12,000 a year and you can't have a pair of these you can't pretend. We should all have a pair of these. You can't pretend you're too fancy. If you're wearing Converse All-Stars, you can't pretend you're like a super fancy Yeezy-wearing man. He's a Yeezy-wearing man. He might sell his. He might sell them as they've been worn for a while. There's a secondhand Yeezy market.

So somebody will buy worn sneakers. His eyebrows are up. Look at him. He's excited. I've got some Simpsons Vans from back in the day. Oh, people buy more sneakers. I've had people offer for those as well. You know who I bet would buy them?

That dude who didn't want to take the 40 bucks. He'd buy them. He'd buy them. He'd jerk off with them on. This is what running shoes look like in 1920. Whoa, that's crazy. It's got a heel, dude. They have cleats on them.

But they're dress shoes. That's amazing. Did they have tracks, or were they just running in that dirt circle probably? Dude, they had heels. The Spencer shoe. Possibly the first pair of specialized running shoes ever made. Oh my God. Old timey pictures, dude.

Dude, that's amazing though. Look at those stupid things. This is off the topic, but old timey picture triggered in me. Have you ever heard of the cottingley fairies no so i guess maybe turn of the century or the beginning like 1900 or something like that there are these little girls in england that photographed themselves playing with fairies whoa and the world was exposed to it. This wasn't the only person, but what's his name?

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. There's a picture. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the writer of Sherlock Holmes, was a spiritualist. And so he actually wrote an article defending that picture. You go through all the pictures. Those are the Cottingley Ferry pictures. Hey, dude, I'm going to take a leak. Go ahead.

I'm holding in some pee for quite a while now. Go ahead, but take a peek at that. This needs to be debunked. Jamie, tell them about your sneakers. I was going to say keep talking, but there was a thing that says museum of hoaxes. I wonder what they talk about. Oh, this is a fucking hoax. This is a big time hoaxes I wonder what they talk about. Oh this is a fucking hoax. This is a big-time hoax. The kids years later admitted that they had kind of cut the picture. They admitted something that

if you look at these photos you'll be like that had to be admitted? Like to us it's very clearly she cut pictures out. Those are pictures. Those are two-dimensional images of fairies and pretty traditional fairy imagery Years later they revealed that they traced The images out of a popular book and put their own spins on them and then cut them out and took pictures with them But Arthur Conan Doyle the guy that wrote fucking Sherlock Holmes Like really defended this shit going, no, there are fairies. There is another world, and it's trying to break through. And these little

girls have been in contact with it. You know, and he was ridiculed by over half the population, because a lot of people looked at that picture and saw what we see, which is kids with little cutouts, pictures of fairies. But there was a time where

almost half the world was like oh no that's real yeah that could be real the conningly fairies are pictures that these kids fucking took joe and clearly just blow one up clearly fake as fuck exactly but there was a time because you had somebody like arthur conan doyle going no this is real and spiritualism is a real thing and there are other races and other beings and fairies are real out there in the world defending it and stuff and then finally late in their lives when they were like nearly past you know they said yeah we cut them out of a book and they admitted to something that you knew right away just by looking at the photo like oh that's fake as shit but in the 20s or

whatever or back in the day oh my god you could show somebody a picture and they were like that's fucking real well you can only imagine I mean how gullible people were before photos like that I look at and I'm like that's bullshit but I still think of the Bigfoot video

and I'm like that shit's real like when he still think of the Bigfoot video and I'm like, that shit's real. Like when he walks past the camera and then he suddenly looks at the camera. I saw a thought on this topic recently. Like if you, like five years from now, if Photoshop was erased from the Internet's memory, how could you explain Photoshop pictures to somebody? That's a good question. Like if we live to be a few thousand years from now like if society goes down and then they rebuild computers a thousand years from now and they look at these old images but they don't have the capability then yeah totally possible

they'll be like there was somebody standing on top of one of the twin towers when a plane came at it on september i remember seeing that picture and be like holy fucking shit how'd they find that camera for five seconds and then i was like wait a second dude yeah we live in the age of photoshop do you know the guy that created photoshop created it with his brother is the guy that created the story came up with the story for this new star wars movie rogue one wow special effects wizard right and so one day you know they work in the special effects biz him and his brother are like you know this would be helpful like be helpful in a kind of home use setting. Like being able to take a photograph and manipulate it.

So in their spare time, dude. Because they were working on motion pictures and shit. In their spare time, they invented Photoshop. Jesus Christ. They must be gazillionaires. But he still works at Skywalker. Do you know who John Carmack is? John Carmack is the

he's one of the original owners of id Software. He's the head programmer, lead programmer. He created Quake and Doom and a bunch of different awesome video games and now he also works on Oculus Rift.

He's working on that. a bunch of different awesome video games. And now he also works on Oculus Rift. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's working on that. Hero to the game community because he created, like, arguably the greatest 3D shooter of all time, a series of them, Doom, Quake, Quake 1, Quake 2, Quake 3. He, in his spare time, made rockets. In his spare time, he was a rocket scientist. So he was coding the most

complicated 3d graphics engines known to man for video games right then in his spare times he's making rockets he's a fucking rocket scientist for fun then he would take ferraris and turbo charge them so he'd get these ferraris Because he's got ungodly sums of money For making all these fucking crazy video games That have sold billions of copies He's buying Ferraris And re-engineering their fucking engines In his spare time

What do you mean re-engineering it to do what? He's done twin turbo charging Ferraris So that makes it like a jet? This was a long time ago man Where a Ferrari would have like, if it came from the factory, maybe 400 horsepower. He would jack them bitches up to like a thousand.

In his spare time. He was making... Renaissance, man. A real life Buckaroo Banzai, if you will. A guy who you and I are barely in the same species as. Yeah, exactly. Barely. That's true. In a moment like that, you're like, well, I can barely in the same species as. Yeah, exactly. Barely. That's true.

In a moment like that, you're like, well, I can't do any of those things. Every time I've had a conversation with him. And you'd like to comfort yourself by being like, well, he probably can't make a real good dick joke, and then that's not enough. I'd much rather be him than me. Better off to not balance yourself out. Better not to go, well, he can't do it. Better off to just go, look at this crazy motherfucker. This is amazing. Just appreciate someone else's ability yeah the less time you compare yourself to other people the better off you'll be just enjoy how amazing people are don't

think man i wish i was that amazing fuck yeah it's that well i think well that's what i was going back to the twelve thousand dollars a year free twelve thousand dollars a year for everybody i think what gets in the way is human nature. Because you have some people who are like, why is he, he don't deserve that $12,000. Or he gets a lot. He's got a nicer house. He's also getting the $12,000 that I'm getting.

Oh yeah, for sure. I think that would start seeping in. Yeah, but he gets a lot because he makes money on top of the $12,000. So his needs are taken care of. But you're being logical. You've got to admit, a human animal doesn't always see things logically. Sometimes they just be like, why them?

Why not me? We get selfish. Yeah. That's certainly an issue. $12,000 a year comes in a problem. It comes into it. I don't know. We don't know because I don't think it's ever been really, at least on a wide scale, it's ever been practiced.

I'm with you. What a good idea. I just don't think our system is good. How many people did you say we had in this country? 300-something million plus Mexicans. So do quick math. What is that? How much for the... Oh, I'm sure they've done it out. There was an argument by an economist,

like a really well-respected economist, for universal basic income. And I think the number they were going by was $12,000 a year. See, surprisingly supports universal basic income. Just Google that. And because there was some pretty prominent economist who actually understands the system, except for you and I. They're like, oh, I got enough money. I can do my thing.

Is this like a Noam Chomsky kind of idea? No, Noam Chomsky, he's a linguist. So he's not an economist. He wouldn't be talking about economy at all. No. Noam Chomsky. You ever try to follow Noam Chomsky kind of no i'm not no i'm trying he's uh um he's uh a linguist right so he's not a uh he wouldn't be talking about no no you ever try to follow noam chomsky stuff on language tough dude like it's it makes you it feels like doing exercise with your brain yeah like it feels like you're doing a workout um the easiest way to i think take in some Chomsky is there's that movie they did. It was a documentary. Is the Tall Man

Happy, I think is the name of it. Is the Man Who is Tall Happy? And it was directed by the guy that, oh, Michel Gondry, the director. He made a very interesting documentary that was partly animated in a conversation with about Chomsky.

What is it called again? Is the man who is tall happy, I believe, is the title. And it's wonderful. It's like beginners. It's Chomsky for beginners because it's very colorful and breaks it down. But I watched the other morning I got up and blazed and watched three interviews with him talking about post-election and stuff and his take on everything. He's a fascinating character. Oh, my God.

Like even at he's advanced in age at this point. But that mind is, you know, sharp as a tack. And it's one of those minds you can be like, oh, there's going to be a loss to lose that mind. He's thinking about things that a lot of others aren't. And his thing that spooked me big deal was he said, right now, the whole world should be focused on the Russian front, on Russia and the Russian front. Because that's where your hot spot of activity is. Like, the United States and Russia have come into conflict recently in a way that they haven't since the Cold War. And he's going, and then you're talking about two superpowers with the ability to destroy the planet.

Shit that we haven't really thought about since the fucking 80s. And all of a sudden you're like, oh, is that what they meant by make America great again? Like, let's be scared of the possible nuclear annihilation? Because I hadn't thought about that in years, I'll be honest with you. That was another thing that bummed me out

about the Clinton campaign. They were Russian fear-mongering. One of the big things that she kept saying during the election was they were talking about being hacked. And she was saying it was the Russians. So she was implying that Donald Trump supports the Russians because he supports the hacks. And there's no evidence that the Russians did it. None. I've looked at it.

People have gotten mad at me so that I've looked into it deeply. No one has proven that the Russians have done it. But they're saying it as if they've proven the Russians have done it. So, one of two things. I thought the Russians admitted that they actually tinkered with it. Sure, I would admit it too. But there's no evidence that they did it. I mean, who knows if they did it.

Fair point. But the problem is, if you say they did it, you've got to know for sure they did it. Otherwise, I'm going to listen to you every time you say you know something for sure, and I'm like, this bitch definitely doesn't know for sure they did it. Otherwise, I'm gonna listen to you every time you say you know something for sure, and I'm like, this bitch definitely doesn't know for sure. You can't know for sure, because you don't have the information. If you did, you'd tell us what it was. Like, you don't know. And the FBI doesn't say they know, and the CIA doesn't say they know.

There's a likelihood, there's a possibility, there's a high probability, but you don't know. So until you know, you can't say you know. Because as soon as you do, because you might be full of shit about other things. You might fill in the blank on a bunch of other important stuff and pretend you know when you don't know because that's what you're doing.

And I think that's another thing as a civilization. We can't allow that. We can't allow that. Like in Donald Trump, when he keeps talking about these millions of voters that illegally voted and kept him from winning the popular vote. You can't say that.

But he did. You can't do that anymore. Why? Because you can't lie. You can't lie. Well, number one, you couldn't do that before. Right. He kind of seems to have brought it back.

And it hasn't killed him. He is, in fact, the president. When you do this thing, when you put your hand on the ancient book and you raise your right hand. I'm with you. But we're in the eidazium now like it doesn't matter what used to be and and there is no more you can't because of things like that where you're like well you couldn't but he did and everything worked out fine i think that that i'm with you i'm totally with you in terms of like you shouldn't

right fucking say that because that starts breaking the system down but then again we were just talking about like is this a system that you even want to place in a world where you're like do we need a president who cares what's being said then like why why does it matter if somebody's being like there were there was uh people that voted that didn't vote yeah because he's the guy now see like if you want that position you have to be under oath all the time that's what it's got to be like totally like if you really want to say that you're so noble or you're so powerful or wise or whatever you are, whatever your attributes are,

you're so awesome that you should be the president? Like, man, you can't be lying about illegal voters. Like, unless you have some data, you can't say it. Until you have some data, you can't say it. And once you say it, you've got to have some data. But he said a lot of things with no data whatsoever. I know. And I understand, like, you say anything to get elected, but now we're beyond that.

I know. It's still playing the same kind of game. I know. I've just not grown comfortable with, but I think I have to learn to accept the fact that what I used to consider a fact is no longer a fact. People talk about facts in this real loose way now where they're just like, well, what is a fact? A fact to you may not be a fact to me and it's like well that's not the definition of fact at all a fact is a fact but people go what's factual for you may not be factual for me we're on such a fucking slippery slope now that the matrix bro that's the least egregious thing

at this point of him being like it's two million vote people voted illegally because the dude was literally saying he won the popular vote like right that's the first big right kind of untruth well but he said a lot of things that like sometimes he chalks up to like i was kidding it's the same kind of thing it's you know someone's saying that the russians hacked the the democratic national conference or committee or whatever the fuck it is dnc are you sure you know that's the same thing like saying that like these are all like whether the little tiny lies or whether they're uh leaps of faith or leaps of judgment or whether they're just full fabrications. You can't do any of them. Shouldn't be able to do any of those.

I agree. If anybody catches you, like if you're in big government and there's a video of the FBI saying one thing and then you saying another thing. When the FBI told me this and the FBI saying explicitly what they told you. And those things don't match. Right. There should be a trial. Right. They it should be like are you a liar like do you do you do you get interviews extended to people that are like you know the president was born and it should only be when you have power muslim country like if you if you have like yeah

he's a perfect example when he was saying that that he was born in kenya like trump was like a major league birther like That's a perfect example. Yeah, he was some theorize I've read that he kind of jumped on to the birther movement because he was like, well, if I ingratiate myself with this crowd, that'll be helpful if I want to run for president in a couple of years. Or he might have watched a YouTube video and believed it too. That too. I like to think that, I mean, I don't like to think, but I choose to think that he's smarter than that. Oh, I don't know, man.

It could have just been him. Like recently he tweeted, anyone who burns the flag should go to jail and be arrested. And then they found out, I read an article online, that they had just run a piece on Fox News about flag burning. So he was kind of informed by something he had just watched on TV. But that's how most people tweet, right? They see something and go like that. But that's not what you want out of the chief executive of a country.

At least that's traditionally not what people wanted, but this time that seems to be what people want. Did you know Hillary Clinton had proposed that very same thing in 2005? She proposed that flag burning should have a stiff fine and a year in jail. Like she said that. Right. But she's not the president. I know.

Yeah, right. Now that he is. Well, the whole thing is uber, uber bizarre from top to bottom. It's where do you feel like, and I don't want to, you know, paint it cynically like this country has been here for a while and probably be here for a lot longer than than our petty issues with it in the moment if we have issues with it but i i just you know i don't know it's it it became a different world in the span of six months yeah i feel like it did too like you know you know, in a way where, you know, I thought I had this down. Like, I think about this whenever I was in school, you'd read like your history books

and you'd be like, how come they didn't stop this? Why didn't they know this was going on? Like, what the, are you serious? Like, I'm sitting here as a child reading this and I know that this is wrong. Why didn't someone step in? Why didn't blah, blah, blah. I remember going to Germany the first time with clerks i went to the berlin film festival and before screening me and my friend brian johnson we were like well let's go see the concentration camp we're here we should go see a concentration camp and they're like dude you got to introduce a comedy in three hours you really don't want to do that yeah i was like no i'll compartmentalize i was like let me i'm here i got to see history

and so you know we went went to Buchenwald, the one that says, albeit mocked, fry over it, work will make you free, like the worst fucking lie. And it's, you know, obviously fucking sobering and horrible and you know, you're seeing the dimensions and spaces where things happened and whatnot. And you can't help but turn to the guy who was our cab driver, who drove us for Berlin,

which was like 40 minutes out of Berlin, maybe an hour out of Berlin, and then drove us back. And, you know, he was waiting with us while we were there, so he went through the concentration camp. And he was born and raised in Germany, so I'm sure he's had to do this a number of times with school or something like that.

Right. But you couldn't help, but on the ride back, you didn't want to be that American dick, but it's like, did anyone in your family know? Did you guys talk about this? Like, how do they handle this sort of thing over here? Like, how did you guys wake up after it was all over and go back to what was the new normal? Like, you realize this is fucking heinous.

You know, and the guy was just like, it's taught to us in school. And there was a moment when every young kid in school learns about Hitler and the Third Reich and the Holocaust, that they go back to their parents and start saying, how much did you know? How much did grandma and grandpa know? Blah, blah, blah. Wow. So I think of moments like that where I'm just, and I'm certainly not comparing this country to the fucking Germany, by any stretch of the imagination. Did you say Trump is Hitler?

Not at all. Bro, that's why I heard it. Not at all. All I'm saying is, like, there are moments in history where, you know, I thought we were kind of past it. History happens all the time. You know, obviously September 11th is a very big historical moment in our lifetime. But I really felt like, well, you know, until, like, World War III, we're probably done with

history for a little bit which is ridiculous fucking statement but now i feel like we are living in a chapter in a history book some kid in the future is gonna be looking at this chapter and being like really like that's they didn't know that's what they did and i'm not saying again like i expect horrible things from this guy or anything i'm just saying the world is vastly changed in a way that it's going to be wrecked it's recognized now and it'll be recognized when they write the book on this year and when they write the book on this year for years to come suddenly we're kind of in that moment as well but then again we probably were

always in a moment of history and i don't even mean in a stoner way like this is a moment of history this is a moment of history but This is a moment of history. But history is not always that loud and noticeable. Sometimes it's quiet and they don't notice it until later on. Well, we've gone through it. I mean, I'm a couple of years older than you, but we remember Reagan. Yeah. We remember the Iran-Contra affair. Is that what it feels like to you?

I think culturally it felt like, because I was just having this discussion with somebody else. But in the 70s, 60s, 60s into the 70s, you had this kind of progressive growing America where suddenly, you know, maybe there wasn't as much segregation. And, you know, people were people were kind of developing, evolving and becoming more like the world we recognize now and it felt like you know like by showing you stuff like all in the family and whatnot you know arts and tries to push the edge of the envelope at all times try to put normalcy into something that you know a situation that you maybe don't find normal but if you see it on tv enough you're like hey i'm over it and suddenly it's it's for real and stuff like that felt like you know the 80s and and reagan and again i'm not a political creature by any stretch of the imagination i lived through it but i was not active during it

by any stretch of the imagination but it feels like that time was a reaction to the culture like hey things have gotten too loosey-goosey around here and then things got conservative for eight years or yeah and then it feels like things loosen up. I mean, again, I'm no political analyst, but it just seems like if you look over your history, it contracts and it expands. It contracts and it expands. But the contractions don't seem to bring it back to square one. You know, it may be a matter of two steps forward one step back two steps forward one step back and if you do that enough over the course of a nation there's growth and you'll

see the balance but you got a bunch of people that don't believe in the same things don't even see the world through the same prism so it just feels like i don't know i mean maybe the idea and again a couple stoners talk about how to do the presidency better. Maybe you just have an agreement where it's like eight years of this, eight years of that, and that's only if it's a two-party system. Like, what if you come up with a four-party system and you're like, okay, you only get four years. And then it goes to this party right after, then this party, this party. Well, there is a multiple-party system. You have multiple independent parties.

If you look at the ballot, a lot of other people wanted to run for president, right? Like Gary Johnson and Jill Stein, and I'm sure there were a bunch of other ones that we don't know. Yeah, there was Zoltan Istvan, who's the transcendent or transhumanist party. There's like a lot of people. But the system is just so old. It's just so goddamn ancient. We're trying to patch up this thing that we would never create today. If it existed today, there's no way we would ever let one person have all the fucking power.

I just think that human beings are in a process of waking up and of realizing how bizarre our position is. I mean, and not just our position in America, but our position on the planet earth as it hurls through infinity. We were on a spinning ball that's floating in the sky and hurling towards the cosmos or through the cosmos. And we tend not to focus on that alone is insane. And we're concentrating on whether or not gay people should be able to marry or girls should be able to get abortions or whether or not black lives matter. We're fucking hurling through infinity. that you're seeing from all these different new technology companies that are coming up with better and better ways to communicate, whether it's cellular or fucking video or whether they're using Snapchat or virtual reality rooms where they can all meet in, and it's going to keep going and going and going and going and going

until we're in some sort of a Matrix-like world. It's inevitable. It's going to fucking happen. You think we go digital eventually? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And I think we might not even have a choice. I think it's entirely possible

we're going to create a new form of life, some new artificial form of life, and that thing is going to be what goes on from now. We're going to merge with that somehow. We're going to find out that they can give you new eyes when your eyes go bad. And these eyes allow you to look at navigation screens and Google things. And you're going to be able to stare straight at the sun. It's inevitable that we're going to improve upon the human body.

They're already replacing people's hips and shoulders and knees. They're growing fucking hearts in a laboratory with stem cells that actually beat. They created a woman's bladder out of stem cells. She had bladder cancer. They made her a bladder. Here, we got one for you. Stitched it back in there. Like, whoa.

It's very sci-fi. We're doing some crazy shit, and it's going to keep going. 50, 60, 70, 80, 100 years from now, whatever it takes. We're going to merge. We're going to merge with technology. And technology is going to be smarter than us. You and I have been sitting here talking for a little while. And normally when you're in the world, you've got that device in your hand.

I've noticed that. My wife says that all the time. She's like, you're never separated from that phone. Like I get up from the side of the bed, I pick it up and go to the bathroom. Because I'm like, well, I might want to play a game or I might want to look up some information. Like there seems to be a human need for data at all times now. We've trained ourselves to have data at our fingertips. We no longer sit there and go, what is that person's name?

Now you're just like, oh, I'll look it up. So a lot of our thinking has been pushed off to technology that we've created so we feel comfortable with it going like, well, you know, we're smarter than that. And it keeps getting better. Yeah. And faster, dude. Think about it. Like all those body parts you're talking about them doing, that's last, what, 20 years? Yeah.

Like prior to that, there was no like, hey, we'll grow you a new bladder. Hey, we can put skin on you again. You know, it wouldn't look like that and shit like that. So what's going to happen, yeah, you going to happen in the next fucking 50 years? We're going to merge. There's this new Google Assistant that comes with the Google Pixel phone. It's like their version of Siri, but it's superior because it's contextual. So I could say, like, how old's Kevin Smith?

And they'll say, Kevin Smith is 46 years old. What's he working on these days? Like, it knows I'm talking about you. I'll say, what's he working on these days? Like, it knows I'm talking about you. I'll say, what's he working on these days? Kevin Smith just produced a movie. It's called Yoga Hosers. But could you say that about, like, Grace Smith, my mom? No.

I mean, it'd have to be out on the internet, like all the data and details. But, like, say if you wanted to know. My mom's always on the fucking cruising Craigslist trying to get fucking cocked. Okay, what is Craigslist? It'll tell you. Craigslist is this. Is it how many people on Craigslist are selling drugs? Well, we found approximately 5,000.

It gives you like contextual. It's going to make it much easier. Like, look, I'm looking to have the girlfriend experience. How many people on Craigslist are offering that? Oh, that's for sure going to happen. Like, cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-ching. Well, if you could get like sort of, you know how Bitcoin has sort of enabled people to. Still happening, Bitcoin?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you ever say that around Andreas Antonopoulos. It's still going on. He'll get furious at you. Yeah, we have this guy. He prefers not to call himself Bitcoin Jesus because he doesn't like how his story ends. He likes Bitcoin Buddha.

Right. He feels like it's better. It leads to enlightenment. Didn't they have a problem? Like somebody fucking hacked their account or something like that? Oh, yeah. Well, that's- Well, this is a long conversation if you want to go with that.

No, no need. But it's still happening. That is actually an exchange that got tapped into. It was the Magic the Gathering exchange. That's what it started out as. You know that game, Magic the Gathering? It started off as that, and then during that time, people started trading Bitcoin on that when it was nothing. And then that Bitcoin became worth hundreds of millions of dollars,

and then they got robbed. So all the Bitcoin got stolen out, and this guy got in trouble because he ran this site that he was never – no one had any idea that it was going to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars and that this guy would lose it all. So the whole thing was like a really crazy and sordid affair. But the spirit of Bitcoin is that you and I can exchange money for services with no third party, just you and I.

There's no bank in there. Yeah, like you want to buy this computer? I say, sure, give me X amount of Bitcoin, and you send it to my phone. All right, cool, we got a deal. And then you're done. And this idea, I mean, if you could get to the point where you're talking to your phone and you tell your phone to order you a pizza and pay for it in Bitcoin. And it's doing everything digitally.

Bitcoin or Bitcoin? Bitcoin. It's Bitcoin. When you're buying shit, it's Bitcoin. What is it when it's a hooker? BitKwan. Ah. That sounds racist.

Some will have the coin, but not everyone will have the Kwan. What was the Kwan? It meant like love, respect, everything. I don't know. What does that mean? What does that mean? Remember Jerry Maguire, man? He was always talking about the Kwan.

I don't. He said it was the full package. It was love, money, respect, endorsement. I don't know. But it was a bigger deal than just like fucking money. Okay. All right, but go back to Bitcoin. So it's still going on.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some people who love it. Yeah. I like the idea, but I think it's awesome. I think it's awesome. Very democratic way to, it's my money. Why do I have to go through this, this, this? And I understand those institutions and FDIC is all built to protect your money, but also

seems engineered to keep your money and get your money and take a percentage of it as well. I have the weirdest abstract take on cryptocurrencies. I think that ultimately all money will be digital. And since money, if it all becomes digital like that, money is basically information. And the one thing that's keeping people from each other, like the one thing that separates us is the barrier of information. Like I can't read your emails. You can't read my mind. You can't see my pictures. You can't, you can't know everything that you can possibly know instantaneously. There's like this barrier and that barrier is all information, right? It's all trying to get, trying to get like writing.

What, what has someone written? What is, What is all the scholarly work on astrophysics? All that stuff, like the barriers between us and those things are slowly being removed. There's more and more. If you went on the internet in 1996 and tried to get an education, you'd be a retarded. You wouldn't have that education. You're not going to learn shit.

But now you can legitimately get a full college education online. Plus, you can read a million different papers on all sorts of different things, especially if you want to pay for them, on all sorts of different studies. You get smarter online than you could actually in a classroom. You could almost never run out of things to absorb, almost never run out of information. almost never run out of things to absorb, almost never run out of information. And I think that that's the one thing that technology seems to be embracing, is closing the gap between people and data, closing the gap between people and information.

Well, eventually, that money is going to be the only bottleneck to read in each other's minds. There's going to be like, what money is, if it's Bitcoin or if it's digital, it's a one and a zero. It's just a code. So what's to stop me from getting into that code? How come I can't get that code? Well, that's somebody else's. Oh, okay. Like, what does that mean?

Like, what does that mean? Is it information? Like, what is it? Can I get it? Can I copy it? No, if you copy it, it's no good. Oh, okay. So it's a finite resource.

Well, that's fucking ridiculous because it's not. We're not talking about oil or water or rocks or minerals or metals. We're talking about some goofy fucking numbers that you've got on a goddamn commuter. It's information. It allows us access to resources. Like we should all have access to all the information. And then it's going to be some weird merging of digital minds, some sort of a hive mind system created by something like Google or some company that figures out a way to allow people to communicate thought to thought. And it's going to have money attached to it. All of it.

It's going to be a big fucking soup of information. That's going to be the breakdown. The breakdown is money. Why? Why that? Because it's information. Because if money becomes information this is obviously super stoner talk good but if money just becomes ones and zeros what's coming what's happening with wiki leaks well you know these uh these emails getting hacked data getting

out uh you know sony getting hacked all their data getting out all these people there's the barriers are falling between people and information. They said in the government right now, our government. I love it when I say something retarded and someone nods. Like, yeah, dude. That's fucking, that's dumb, dude. They said that there's a deep need for hackers in this country. There's not enough because everywhere else,

like hacking has exponentially increased over the course of the last few years by double the amount that it was. And that's why you're seeing things like they took down Sony. They took down this one. They took down this one. So, yeah, lately I've just been like, do I really want to have all my world online? I go the other way where I'm just like, well, how do you protect that stuff? How do you protect? Well, you think you'll be able to for a while.

But I honestly believe that. Just to set the fact that you can't? Well, the trend is clearly going to the cloud. Like if you look at these goddamn new Macs, they don't even have a slot for a USB, like a thumb drive. Scary, right? They don't have a DVD player. There's no other way to do it. You have to do everything wirelessly.

Like, wow, this is weird. So you have a very minimal hard drive. The hard drives of the new MacBooks are smaller than the old hard drives. They've made them smaller. So it can be lighter or more compact? So it can be lighter, more compact, but also you're not storing

shit on your computer anymore. They want to throw everything up on the cloud. Where do you stand on that? It's fascinating. Because on one hand, I think it's inevitable. On the other hand, I'm digging my heels in the dirt. I'm getting dragged along. So I got off the Apple tit.

I got a Windows 10 laptop. Why? Two terabytes of fucking storage. Two terabytes. You can't get that in any Mac whatsoever? No. You could. It'd cost you a fucking shit ton.

Way more. Does this operate smooth? It's great. Windows 10. Lenovo ThinkPad. People need them for business. If they broke down all the time, I just assumed they had to be better now. So I said, I'm going to give it a try.

I've only been using it for a few months. Zero problems. Super durable. Were you Mac prior to this the whole time? Yeah. For like years. Since like the 90s really you're you're one of those cats that you know when it all collapses you're gonna be fine i'm fucked you're fucked you're fucking you've unplugged and gone off the grid before anybody else you've thought about things that most people don't think you

have big things you don't just smoke and be like, damn it, life's good. You smoke and go deep on the big thing, on stuff that like, like you pointed out, very few people do, it's usually stoners, that the big issues are, that we all think of the big issues, are nothing compared to like, you do recall, we're hurtling through space on a fucking rock.

Yeah, spinning. Anything can happen and you're worried about this or this nonsense fucking you know gender identity pronounced netflix or something like that yeah oh my god even the big things that people like this is everything in life yes so you do the big thing on everything beyond the beyond the obvious beyond the temporal or the daily, you're going like, what's next? What happens 10 years from now? What happens to us? Not just, hey, what happens to me?

Because that's very human nature to be like, what happens to me? But your thing is what happens to us as a species. You're a thinker and a seeker. That's what I always like about you, man. You're not content to just be like, I think I know everything there is pretty much to know that I'm interested in. rest of my life not interested in

you you refill all the time I met a priest once here's a kid and he said not when I was a kid I was like a grown-ass man I was 20 something before I wrote dogma so when I went out to film school I'm like 92 in Vancouver and I was in Washington State my uncle lived in Federal way and so i was like you know what i'm gonna go to my uncle's and then go up from there you can drive me up drop my shit off and stuff um and i never really left my side of the world let alone fucking new jersey and stuff so uh at one point i was still struggling i was is the end of my catholicism as i knew it in childhood i just believe everything they tell

me and stuff. So I was having some troubles with it. And I went into, I was walking around and I wouldn't call myself an emo kid, but like I still was raised in it. When you believe something from the moment you're born, like, you know, all the tenants of the Catholic faith. I was an altar boy even for heaven's sakes. know when that moment comes it's almost like the adult version of when you know your parents are like there is no santa claus you know right where suddenly you're like what you fucking upended my entire existence so i was going through that and i'm age 22 at this point should have gone through it in high school but i held on to mine a lot longer so i walked into this church and uh i sat down

and uh priest came by eventually younger priest he's like can i help you and i was like oh i'm just having a crisis of faith and just sitting here and praying and meditating on it and stuff he goes come on come in the office we'll talk i went into his office and he's like what's the issue and i was like i believed in this shit so much when i was a kid like it it wasn't even a matter of belief this was the truth i said but now i'm of this mind that like you know what we follow this bible and it's supposed to be the word of god but like thousands of years ago there were a bunch of people that followed a bunch of other books that said there were multiple gods and now we read those books and go isn't that fucking quaint these fuckers thought there were 12 gods one for each thing that ever

happened in the day i said i'm afraid one day that like they're gonna turn around say the same thing about our book is this like i just don't believe like i believed when i was a kid and the priest said something really smart i stuck it in the movie it was so smart he said well he's going when you're a little kid uh think of yourself as a small glass. You're very easy to fill up. He's going, people put liquid in you, you're done. It's easy to top off a small glass. He's going, the older you get, the glass gets bigger.

You can't expect the same amount of liquid that filled that small glass to fill the big glass. And I was like, what do you mean? He's like, periodically, you got to refill the glass. Now, he was talking about faith and shit but that goes for anything even goes for intellectual intellectual pursuits or just the person who's the seeker who's not content to just be like i see it all as it is and i think i understand it now you always understand there's more to understand and you go looking for the not just like hey that's kind of fucked up and interesting,

but what's really ultimately important. If you scrape away all the stuff that we kind of concern ourselves with the shit you think about, like, you know, and again, this is just from fucking listening to some podcasts and mostly looking at your Instagram thread is shit.

That's like useful. If it all went away and it's not just like, you know, I know how to live off the land and stuff. You're thinking big think about where the mind goes. You know, like most people look like you, strong and shit like that, don't fucking think nearly as much as you think.

I know that's a stereotype, but it's true. You can't develop one set of muscles and concentrate on another. Generally speaking, you either concentrate on building your brain, building your body. You found a perfect way to build both. I think you'd be surprised.

What do you mean? No, fuck you. You're smart. You're smart, dude. Yeah, but especially jujitsu guys. I know a lot of really, really smart jujitsu guys. Of course. Like Josh Waitzkin.

It's a fat man stereotype to be like, all muscle heads must be dumb. That's the only thing I got in this movie. Do you know who Josh Waitzkin is? I do not. He's the guy from, he was the inspiration for the movie Searching for Bobby Fischer. Oh, I love that movie. He's an American chess champion. He became the guy from, he was the inspiration for the movie Searching for Bobby Fisher. Oh, I love that movie.

He's an American chess champion. He became obsessed with jiu-jitsu and now he's a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt under Marcelo Garcia, like one of the most respected Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioners of the last couple decades. So all I'm hearing is now good at two things, chess and jiu-jitsu. That's unfair. He's a bad motherfucker, this guy. And he's a chess master and he's just a brilliant, brilliant guy. And I mean, but a killer. Like if he got a hold of you, he'll choke you to death for sure

But only if I did something to him. Yeah, but I'm saying like if he had to if he wanted to I mean He's not just as genius. He's a genius and a killer. He's smart and he's physical Yeah, he wouldn't probably never describe himself that way. He's a martial artist, you know And but but his ability what he can, his specialty is strangling people. I mean, that's what he is. What do you mean? It comes from Marcelo Garcia. Marcelo Garcia as a black, not like you would know this,

but Marcelo is famous for his chokes. He's like a famous strangulation artist. Like he's had some of the most spectacular highlights in the history of competitive Brazilian jiu-jitsu, just choking guys unconscious. He's an animal. Never killing them, just taking them to the point? No, no, no, no, no, it matches. Two black belts go at it. There are highlights in the history of competitive Brazilian jiu-jitsu just choking guys unconscious. It's an animal. Never killing them, just taking them to the point.

No, no, no, no, no. It matches. Two black belts go at it. You've never seen Marcelo Garcia versus Shaolin Hibero. This is a perfect one. I've still never seen a UFC match in person. Well, you don't have to see a UFC match because this is probably something more interesting for you to watch because no one got hurt. Even though it looks like the guy is dead, he actually is just

the blood stops the brain and then he lets it go and the guy is instantaneously back. It's not like a knockout. You don't suffer brain damage. Here's the scramble. Marcelo takes his back and he holds on to the choke and Shaolin tries to squirm out of it but he locks in the choke and now Shaolin's

trying to fight gallantly, but he goes to sleep. He's out cold here, and the referee stops it. As soon as they realize, now he's out cold, so Marcelo gets off of him and walks away, and Shaolin wakes up just a second later. So he's 100% fine. He's just like, whoa, what happened? He starts talking.

It's not like he got knocked out. It's not like he got brain damage. He just got choked unconscious. Like, he'll be instantaneously fine. But Marcelo is just that good. Have you ever been choked out? Never totally out, but I've gotten super close. I've gotten to, like, the elevator door is, like, closing in.

Is that literally what it feels like? It feels entirely like the walls are closing in. Like, the darkness is coming and you like barely can get out of it i've gotten to the door i never went totally asleep as you're going to the door you're also smart enough to be like i'm not dying i tap yeah you tap you got to know when to panic like is there a moment of panic where you're like yes yes for sure yeah yeah we saw like that dude was like he was like that fucking goat picked up by the eagle. He was like, fuck, before it was over.

Well, the thing about jiu-jitsu, though, is those moments happen a lot. So if you go to a jiu-jitsu class, it's very likely you might get choked out three, four times by one person. If you roll with some guy who's a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt and you're a blue belt, pretty likely he's going to get you at least a couple times while you roll with him unless you're like really agile and really good at defending yourself what are they taking any chances closing off your windpipe carotid arteries your carotids they're literally like closing the blood supply how but how dangerous that not not only if you keep it on but if you keep it clamped on how long long? A minute? Probably kill somebody. That's what I'm saying. So like they have to be, you have to be like

a surgeon to be like I got them for 30 and I'm like no. Well, I would like to find out. Like how long would you have to hold someone, it would depend on the person how healthy they were how young they were I'm sure would have a factor as well. But find out how long would it take if you

choke someone out before they died. Someone must... That's pretty specific Google request that's gonna bring the FBI here. But what if... If you can do that with a body part, and you gotta get a certain amount of leverage on somebody.

Carotid artery sinus reflex death is sometimes considered a mechanism of death and the case of scranulation, it remains highly disputed. The reported time from application to unconsciousness varies from 7 to 14 seconds. That's wrong. If effectively applied to one minute in other cases with death occurring minutes after unconsciousness. So if you held on for a couple minutes, you could choke so long. How long would you have to choke to kill?

Yeah. Is that from a forum mma forum they might not necessarily know but i'm like it's on the internet it must be true let's read it and believe it yeah forums bodybuilding.com aris technica that one is um yeah maybe you don't believe the thing about it is they're super wrong right there when it says varies from 7 to 14 seconds it doesn't even take a second. What do you mean? You could put someone to sleep in a second.

If you hit the right. If you just hit it right. If you just hold on to it right. Especially if they're not resisting. Like if they're hurt already and they're relaxed, you could just put them to sleep. If someone gets hit first and then they get choked and they don't defend it quickly enough, if they're out of it and then they get choked and they don't defend it quickly enough,

like if they're out of it and then they get choked, they just go to sleep. Like real quick. Has anybody, nobody's ever been choked to death? No. I'm sure people have been choked to death. Not in the... Just not in the UFC. But I mean, in the real world, like that was the Eric Garner thing.

Well, he had a breathing issue. That was the guy who the police killed in New York they took he was selling loose cigarettes in front of yeah and they get mad at him I thought we were still talking you were they killed him with a choke Brazilian jiu-jitsu but you're talking in real life yes yeah but I'm saying you can choke someone to death but I don't think they I think he he died more as a re-elected his it wasn't physically very well about three minutes is about the most your brain can last without air. Three minutes without air. Man.

That's crazy. So that would never... Basically, he could have you for three seconds, you'd be passed out, and then they'd let you go. Yeah. In a jiu-jitsu match, yeah, they would just let you go. And in class. Sometimes people forget to tap in class so they don't tap quick enough and they go to sleep. See, I like the things you do, but I have zero interest in doing them myself like they don't

seem appealing to me like every time i look at those pictures i'm like fuck man he's living a cool life but i'm like i couldn't do that i couldn't do any one of these things you certainly could do everything it's an interesting thing to admire and envy someone's like freedom and life and still not want to do it yourself generally speaking when you look at somebody be like i wish i was like that you want to do the things they do or be the person they are but instead i can look at you and appreciate what you're doing who you are and never once be like yeah that's uh that's what i'm gonna do i couldn't like you're into you're far too much of a man you're such a dude and not a dude like you're a bro but you are like you're

like it makes sense you're somebody's dad you know what i'm saying like you are when i think of a man that's what i think of and i don't mean this to sound like you're too complimentary i'm gonna have a big head when i leave here today like you're like problems in life i loved my dad but i think you would be a cool dad like your kids that's very nice your kids have a have a wonderful lifetime ahead of them have had like great experience thus far it seems like but for the rest of their lives they're being raised by a thinking masculine man man like my kid will never have that ever in her life do you would you want to be different than you are though you seem super content with who you are yeah i mean the way i look at it is just like everyone's dealt the cards right like you know and you can improve some things in life but like you know like when

we were young they'd be like that's your cross to bear when i was a kid you know i was always having my mom would be like well that's your cross to bear you know as if like that's just something you're as if it was genetic as if she wasn't like she could have said hey let's get you working out maybe feed you less or whatever she like, that's just your cross to bear. But, you know, the rest of your life is blessed and stuff like that. She probably just didn't. I mean, a lot of people say things like that because that's what someone told them and they never stopped to think about it.

Oh, her mother definitely told her that's your cross to bear or something that was just kind of past that. My mom is a wonderful woman. I just spent, you know, she's getting old and stuff. I took her to see dolly parton in tampa and uh dolly parton i've seen three times in two months man she smells like she smells like cotton candy and baby powder dolly parton does dude i'm just i know here let me try to hit you always hit me to cool shit dolly parton is 70 years old she did a three-hour

fucking show she didn't sit in one place. She moved all over the stage. She played piano, guitar, banjo, flute. And then at one point, she blew a saxophone, which sounds dirtier than I meant it. Now, she didn't just blow a saxophone like I had a few notes. She played Yakety-Sak, which is like Yakety-Sak. Wah-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. That requires some fucking lung power. She's 70 years old.

I took my 70-year- old mother to see her and like mom's got a cane and we had to get a people mover and stuff like that like she's it's crazy man so like i i took mom to to go see dolly parton and my mother you know god love her she's amazing uh one of my favorite people in the world but you know she's like tiger you finally made it and i was like why and she's like because because we got to meet Dolly Parton. I was like, Mom, you could have met Dolly Parton any old time. That's not a sign of prosperity or success or something like that. That happened back on Clerks or something.

But those days when Dolly Parton was on TV, there was only like three channels. Yeah. Dude, she fills arenas. Like, it's crazy. Dude, I can imagine. It's crazy. Dude, I can imagine. And just watching somebody, like, you know, I saw her when I went up to Vancouver to shoot an episode of The Flash. I went, and I was like, holy shit. And there's a part of me, of course, I'm not a big country guy, but my old man loved country and western.

Even though we came from New Jersey, and we weren't even from, like, southern Jersey. We were from central Jersey. He loved country and western. I hated it growing up. And he's now dead for like 12 13 years and naturally the older one gets you hear that music it takes you not to the present but right back to your childhood so lately even though i've never been a country person i find more country leaking into my life and it has everything to do with my father or something like that so i went to see this show and it was like i might as well have taken my dad with me he's been dead so long but like that was his dream show like he loved dolly party he's a big country

music fan in general but he loved dolly parton so i went to see the show the first time because i was like i got nothing to do let's go and then i was blown away by her showmanship and a storyteller as well she doesn't just sit there and play the music between songs she'll sit there and tell you a story about growing up in the rocking mountains she's fucking funny dude i know she's got like patters she's probably been doing for years but she talks about she's like when i was a little girl like we went into town and they grew up fucking poor and she's one of like 13 children or something like that and she's like i saw this woman this beautiful woman and you know she's painted like an angel and she had pretty clothes and real big pretty hair she's wearing heels and a lot of makeup.

And I said, Mom, who's that? And her mom was like, that's the town trope. That girl is nothing but trash. And she goes, and I said, that's what I want to be when I grow up. So that's why she's got the look she's got. She's like, it costs a lot of money to look this cheap. That's hilarious. I'm telling you, dude.

That's a good line. It's a true, like, even if if you're not a Dolly Parton fan What a true night of entertainment When was the last time you saw her? I saw her last weekend I took mom to see her in Tampa I saw her at the Hollywood Bowl Like a month ago

And then I took mom to see her in Tampa And that was more like Hey dad would love this But she had this weird moment where she met Dolly and like like you're talking about two 70 year old women and my mom like went in for a fucking kiss not like

I want to French you but just like the way you would kiss a friend but and then you could see Dolly who's like had to politically maneuver strangers for 50 years or so figure out do I say hey I don't kiss strangers or do i just hug her lips we going for the lips i don't know what she was going for it was awkward dude there was a moment where they were like sparring and then finally they hugged and uh you know she was

like my husband loved your music and shit it's really fucking beautiful to see wow but mom i love mom to death but mom is like such a, everybody's mother is a very singular individual, but mom had this thing. I was trying to figure out. I was like, when did this person die? I think we were talking about my Aunt Barbara. I was like, when did Aunt Barbara die? And my mom's like, oh, hold on.

And she had this thing when we were kids. She'd get a calendar from church, and she wouldn't write on it your birthday or a relative's birthday. She'd write the day that they died. So this day was the day Uncle Andy died. This day Aunt Connie died. So my mom keeps all that information so she goes hold on she comes out with a box of like funeral mass cards like when somebody dies you go to a funeral there's a little trading card that has a picture of a saint and on the back has a person's name and when they were born when they were dead my mom has like a collection the way you would collect baseball

cards and shit and we spread them all out on the table there's 12 significant deaths in our family she had lots more but the ones that would matter to both me and her in our immediate zone of family and between 12 deaths i was able to quiz my mother like who died 1980 and she was like oh that was grandpa smith like she is my mom's obsessed with death but not in a like death is metal when she was like oh that was grandpa smith like she is my mom's obsessed with death but not in a like death is metal when she was a child in catholic school they tried to explain hell to her you know like as you do in catholic school and she was fucking far too young to get the idea so death has been her obsession her whole life staving it off stopping it from like taking not just her her but her family you know she lost her husband to We all, death is just a natural part of the process.

You're freaking me out, man. But my mom finds it like, she's terrified by it. Now I, as a creative person, and I wonder if you feel the same way. And I fancy myself a creative person. Some people are like, you're not very creative. But I fancy myself a creative person. No caveats. Death, to me, is not scary as much as like a repugnant idea where you're like what

stop all this like i'm just getting the hang of it i'm just learning like i got so many more jokes to tell and shit like that like death to people who make stuff like us and that's why you might be the exception because you deal with death on a regular basis like with hunting and shit like that like it's just something that probably enters your purview far more than mine but it because you deal with death on a regular basis, like with hunting and shit like that. It's just something that probably enters your purview far more than mine. But it is like one of those things, man, where you're like, wow, I hadn't really thought about that too often. But she thinks about it often.

When I think of death, I'm irritated by it because I'm like, it's unfair. Like, why? But I imagine if I was like my grandmother. My grandmother lost her sight 12, 14 years before before she died and i loved hanging out with her i used to play cards with her and shit like that and then when she lost her sight like she did she was no longer interested in living so she would sit around and be like how are you gram you go visit her she'd be sitting in the dark and shit listen to a radio maybe no longer crocheting like she used to do we used to play cards couldn't do any of that shit so she she just sat there. And he'd be like, how are you?

And she'd be like, well, I asked him to take me. And he said he didn't answer. Still not today. And I was like, who, Graham? She's like, Jesus. Every day I pray that he finally take me and I'm still here. And she slowly grew to be bitter about life and shit. Now, from where I sit right now, I'm the guy that's like, I never want this party to end.

Oh, shit. But I guess there could be a time in my life where, you know, everyone you know and love has passed. And you just get to a place where you're like, you know what? I'm OK. Like, who was it? The singer that just passed was the guy that sang Hallelujah. Leonard Cohen. I was going to say Lawrence Cohen. Leonard Cohen

did an interview like before he passed, like five months, five weeks maybe before he passed, where he was like, yeah, I'm ready for death. He's going, I've pretty much done everything I've wanted to do and I'm ready for it. And he went fairly shortly thereafter. Grandma didn't, man. She hung on for a while but wanted

to die. I hope I'm never that person. But, you know, what if I'm, something happens to me and I can't move or something. It's like that movie, Johnny Got His Gun and shit. Maybe at that point I'd be like. You started really taking care of your health. Yeah. A little bit late in life, just because I was like, oh, shit.

I should, I come from diabetic people. My dad and all his brothers and sisters, very diabetic. And I've played for my whole life as if that wasn't a factor i never ate vegetables and shit i always ate packaged food so i saw that movie fed up and that turned it around for me i lost like a bunch of weight because i stopped eating sugar this documentary was fascinating it used cartoons maybe that's why it worked on me but it broke down like oh this is what you do every time you put sugar into your body and i was one of those people that was documentary fed up i believe it was fed up um i was one of those people it's like well sugar's natural comes out the

ground so you know just like wheat and fucking flour and vegetables i guess we it's okay for us you know it's one of those things where it's taken me a long time to accept the fact that sugar's much as I love it. For me, it's it's a poison. It's it's like or it's like booze for an alcoholic. Like, I can't stop. I dropped sugar on my life, lost 70 fucking pounds. Then I let sugar creep back in. Slowly, 20 came back.

So now I've gotten rid of 10 of it. I got another 10 to get back to where I fucking was. And I remember being free of sugar and being like, what fucking asshole how'd you get back into it it's a slow it's a slippery slow candy bar yeah a piece of chocolate starts with a piece of chocolate where you're like milk chocolate man i love milk chocolate i can handle this and then when i was working on the shows in canada donuts because they got tim hortons everywhere throw a rock there's a tim hortons i got those timbits and there's a Tim Hortons. I got those Timbits, which are like Dunkin' Donuts munchkins, little donut holes.

I like those Boston cream jammies. Dude, I love when they take a donut. Chocolate on top and the cream inside. Shove jelly in that shit. That's my religion. Oh, I like a jelly donut, too. Powdered sugar. Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness. Don't do it to me. Just so soft. I learned that I had to cut it out. I had to put sugar away entirely. So I stopped eating processed or anything processed or added sugar. No sugar whatsoever. Natural sugar, like the closest sugar I'd get is out of drinking milk. Boring.

Or beets, I know. I started drinking vegetable drink, though. Something I never did, vegetable juice. Oh, I'm a big fan of cold-pressed juices. That's what I've been doing. You can go to a store. There's a lot of those stores, too. You can go and stop in and get them.

Get them pre-done. You could find out online if there's a store near you. For me, I've got a bunch of them that I stop at. You can always go and get something to drink that's really nutritious. And fucking powers you, dude. It's no secret or anything, but here's a tip. Before I got to do anything, it requires a lot of energy or something. If I was going to go on The Talking Dead or if if i'm gonna fucking go to the movie set or make

something to do a show i get me a fucking a big vegetable drink basically i get one whole beet eight fistfuls of spinach half a carrot half half uh i stopped doing so much apple there's a lot of sugar in it so about about a quarter apple. Big nub of ginger and shit just burned my insides out. Kids in 1920 were playing on scaffolding, and we're scared of sugar from an apple. We're such pussies. We've become such pussies in America. I never was until now.

Now I'm like, I can't have that extra sugar. So I make that, dude. I drink that. And that gives me like beets, pure fucking natural sugar. So you're like, hey. Beets are amazing. It's like, I've never done Coke, but I imagine it's like we're doing a line of Coke. I really don't think it's anything like that.

Eating beets is like doing Coke. Beets make me feel like, well, not just beets, but like a good, robust vegetable juice. You feel like, ooh, like you get a little, you know? That's one of the things I like about your Instagram feed. You put a lot of food in there, and you talk about what it does for you, and you're like, look at this shit. This is fucking natural, and I'm getting all this out of it. It's food porn.

People get mad, though, because it gets repetitive. I get it. What do you mean? It gets repetitive. Oh, what are you, cooking elk again? You fucking faggot. That's what you get? Do you then stop and be like, did you ever realize you're hurt again, you fucking faggot? That's what you get? Yeah. Do you then stop and be like, did you ever realize you're hurtling through space on a fucking rock?

Anything could happen? No, man. I just think that. I think it. I don't bother saying it. But yeah, I get it. People are always looking for things to criticize. They like criticizing.

It's fun. If you're eating elk again, it's not a one-time experience where you're like, I've eaten elk when I was 14, and of course, that's when a one-time experience where you're like i've eaten out when i was 14 and of course you know that's when a man eats elk and never again so they gotta expect you might redo a meal if i give you something will you cook it what kind of meat is it elk yeah how do you cook it i'll teach you i'll show you how i'll give you some real simple i'll give you elk you kill this thing yeah i'll give you elk burger that's the simplest. You can make cheeseburgers out of it. You just got to treat it. What does it taste like?

It tastes really good. It's super healthy for you because, I mean, no hormones, no antibiotics, no nothing. It's just wild elk meat. It's very lean. And if you cook it like as a cheeseburger, you have to kind of cook it pretty quick because it doesn't have much fat in it at all. Oh, really? It's really lean protein. Very high protein content.

So cook it quick meaning like it's really lean protein yeah very high protein content so meaning like it's gonna burn fast yeah just don't don't cook it maybe as long as you would like a real fatty beef burger you know just cook a little less time what uh i think the last time we talked we talked about that like the idea of you'll go out hunting but you eat what you what you bring back or whatever yeah i eat everything it's um That's like, remember Mark Zuckerberg that one year was like, I'm only going to eat shit I kill. Yeah. And for a minute we were all like, that's savage.

And then afterwards we were like, oh, I see. I'm not doing anything we're all doing if we eat meat. That's my point. So, like, if you're buying food from a store or restaurant, you're killing it. You're just killing it with a card, a credit card or a checkbook. If you're eating meat, you're killing things. You might not be doing it yourself, but my whole take is that if an animal's wild,

like that's in that wild animal, you kill it. That thing was wild. I mean, whether you ever existed or not, that thing did exactly what it did. That's the pure life for one of those animals. And you're saying, well, why would you want to hunt it down and kill it? Something's going to. This is what you don't understand. These things are not going to live forever.

They have a very short and brutal life, and they usually get taken down by coyotes or mountain lions. I mean, when a person comes in and shoots a deer, that is the best death it's ever going to die. If a person doesn't do it, that thing's going to freeze to death. Who's going to say, you know, I died in my bed at age 80. No, they freeze to death. Surrounded by my loved ones. They freeze to death. They get hit by cars.

Can I make this more clear? They fucking freeze to death. Yeah, they don't live. They don't live very long. If a deer lives to be like seven, that is an old fucking deer. Really? Oh, yeah. So if people are upset with you eating any kind of animals at all they're not going to understand why you would be upset at

hunting but my kid is total vegan great kid about though she's not like you know judging me as i sit there and eat meat and shit but she's you know her thing is like she fucking loves animals what does she do to supplement like her essential fatty acids and vitamin b12 question because the diet i've seen for a vegan now i've been around it quite a bit is insanely limited like like when i pull sugar out of my diet suddenly like you're down to fucking 20 things because everything's got fucking sugar added to it when you go vegan and not just vegetarian i mean fucking like straight up vegan, there's like, you know, everything green and maybe three other things in the world. Like you can't even eat a bagel without being like, did you use this or this or this or something like that.

You can't have eggs. Which is really unfortunate because eggs are never going to be a living thing. That's what people don't understand. I could understand if you're against factory farming, but I think that's a different story. Like my chickens are pretty free range there. They live in a big coop. And I know a lot of people don't have room for coop. I'm not saying you need to do it. But what I'm saying is you can have chickens that exist in some sort of a natural environment. It's not entirely difficult. And they give you eggs. They don't have to worry at all about anything bad happening. This is just a natural product of being a

chicken. They lay one on their own. It's not fertilized. No one's going to eat it but you. Not every egg becomes a chicken. No, no, no, no. They have to get fucked. The rooster has to come along and sling that dick. That's what makes a chicken. Yeah. So if there's no rooster, then the chicken- So what is- I didn't know that, dude. I didn't know that until i was like fucking 39 years old me too i didn't know that i mean i think you told me last time a version of this but the i'm a repetitive motherfucker i will don't matter dude i like

reading that you eat elk more than once um wait so it's kind of like a chicken's period yes and matter of fact pita developed a whole campaign to try to get people to stop eating chicken eggs by calling it a menstrual cycle and also showing a fucking frying pan with a bloody maxi pad sitting in the frying pan. I don't know if that's very effective. Dude. I mean, it would gross me out, turn me off, but I'd be like, I never want to eat a tampon again. It's foul. It's foul that they, turn me off. Pull it up. He doesn't think I'm kidding. I never want to eat a tampon again. It's foul. It's foul that they chose to do this. My kid doesn't get shitty or political about it or in your face or you got to live my way and stuff.

But every once in a while, it slips out. I'm a big milk drinker. And so her whole thing is not your mom, not your milk. And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, well, that's not your mother. mother if you want milk you should get it from your mother that's you took some of the baby cows and i'm like oh come on don't do this to me kid i was like they raised us to believe in milk i watched a lot of commercials milk does a body good they taught me that on television don't tell me that i'm taking milk from a baby cow she's kind of right though right yeah were you down on milk

because i saw your every time I talk about milk, people put up a little meme. There's a picture of you talking on stage and they put up a bit of your routine we talked about right before the show. Oh, that vegan comment. Yeah, where you're like, they say, vegans say, you know, we're the only species, go ahead, do it, Drew. We're the only species that drinks the milk

of other animals. I'm like, you know what else only humans do? Fly planes, make movies, call each other and tell each other how awesome milk is. So you do like milk. Here it is. Eggs come from chicken menstruation. Look at that. Oh, it was a bloody underwear.

I'm sorry. I thought it was a maxi pad. But that's a real PETA ad. They put a bloody pair of woman's underwear in a frying pan. Oh, my God. The tagline is don't eat eggs, period. And period is in red. Wow.

It's like, come on. What's gross is factory farming. That's what's gross. What's gross is having all these chickens packed and stacked into these horrific cages and warehouses. That's what's gross. What's not gross is a chicken living in a chicken house that occasionally lays an egg. And when they lay an egg, then they just wander off.

And they just wander around the yard and peck at grass and do chicken stuff. Because if a chicken is living in a healthy environment, they're not even scared of you. Like, I go near my chickens all the time. I can pick some of them up. Some of them don't fuck with it. They won't let you pick them up. What do they do if you try to pick them up? You have to chase them. They don't try to go after you, but they don't want to of them up. Some of them don't fuck with it. They won't let you pick them up. What do they do if you try to pick them up? You have to chase them.

They don't try to go after you, but they don't want to be picked up. But some of them will just stay there and you pick them up and you pet them and my girls will hold on to them. They all have their own little personalities. Are they dirty? No, surprisingly, they don't feel dirty.

They take dust baths, though, but their feathers, I think, can brush off a lot of things. I think they keep themselves fairly clean just by whatever the composition of their feathers are they're interesting little animals you eat the eggs do you eat the chickens as well no i don't eat the chickens no um that just feels fucked up i agree but i mean but so do you do you eat chicken in general yes i do but just not those chickens i just don't eat so it's like animal farms some chickens are more equal than others.

Yeah, these chickens get a pass. They're within my control. Do you ever eat chicken in front of them? Not in a shitty way, but hey, it's chicken tonight. Oh, dude, we kill the chickens in front of them. We put them on a fire in front of them. We set the fire up in front of the chicken coop to let them know. Wait, what chicken do you kill in front of them?

I'm kidding. Oh, holy shit. I was like, oh my God, the cruelty. Imagine if I like- You're like, look at this shit. That was what Vlad the Impaler used to do. Vlad the Impaler that Mary Shelley based, not Mary Shelley, Mary Shelley was Bram Stoker. Bram Stoker based Dracula on.

That Vlad the Impaler guy would eat people in front of other people. He would- Why? Just to fucking freak them out? That crazy killer lady made me look up earlier. That's what, she made one of her victims cook and eat themself. Elizabeth Bathory? Cook and eat herself?

Yeah, yeah. Herself, a little girl, I think is what it said. Oh my God, she was a monster. How do you cook and eat yourself? To make someone cut a piece off of their body. Oh, fuck. That was what Vlad, Vlad did that as well. He also put people on steaks in front of his his house and he would eat lunch while he's watching

them slowly rither that's like when someone has a stake through their body it doesn't kill them like right away they can punch you with the stake and the stake as long as they put it through the right spot although you have like massive internal bleeding the stake kind of keeps it all in there staunches the yeah it's all stretched out and and and your body is kind of like if they stick it in you the right way it takes a while to die like you could you know it could take hours so they're sticking this literally through your asshole and out through your back that's how it went in yeah or through your center i mean they could do it a bunch of different ways they never show you that in any of those dracula movies Like, put that asshole, put the steak right through his asshole.

Now stand it up. I mean, maybe they go through a lung. Maybe they go through one side and go through a lung. But either way, there's ways they can do it where they would put you through steaks where it would take a long time for you to die. So these people would all be moaning on steaks. These steaks are probably going in dry, too, right? Oh, yeah. They don't lube that shit up at all.

And these people were like you're gonna die on a stake going through your asshole first then up through your body but the good news we have some lidocaine it's pretty slippery we're gonna spray the outside before he stabbed you with this fucking gigantic stake oh god man that's tough too well this is a real human i mean that was a real human that really did live yeah look at this this is the ancient uh pictures that were i mean these are from a long fucking time ago these images some woodcuts yeah yeah he's just like right on and he's sitting there eating while these people are on stakes in front of him and of course you know you have to try to sort of process like how much of that was myth how much of that was folklore how much of it was real what was the point is that him there too

what was the point well he was just uh he just wanted to make sure that everybody knew he's a bad motherfucker and if you uh it wasn't like forever well he became it's so hard whenever you're talking about people and you like definitively describe like who they were and what they were and you know how history just gets so twisted and distorted especially back when there was no videotapes and no you know We were writing a drawings going like wow Yeah I mean how many of those people were even writing things down? How many of those people could even read back then how many of those people actually saw that was probably passed down like I was

In this village and saw people on sticks and like I'm gonna draw that like what year was that Vlad the Impaler? draw that. Like what year was that Vlad the Impaler? 1448 to 1476. Yeah. Somewhere in there. Good luck. 1400. Good luck. Good luck saying exactly what that guy said or exactly what that guy did. Good luck.

We can't even decide how many illegal voters kept our darling Donald Trump from the popular vote. I think my biggest takeaway from the day are the little people. Yeah, it was weird, right? I had no idea. I mean, I know there have been like, well, I thought there were pygmies and stuff like that, but that's like-

That's a totally different level. Completely different species of- Yeah. Smaller brains. Smaller, like chimp-sized brains. So it's not a human being? There's some better pictures of them. Not a Homo sapien?

Homo floriensis, I think it's called. There's a few better images of them where they recreated what they think it looked like. Look at some of these pictures. It literally looks like an innocent version of what they would show you as a troll in storybooks and old pictures. Look at that one right there, the one that you just passed, Jamie, on the top row with the spear and the animal on his shoulder. Look at that. I think if you go full image, there's a full image. You see over there?

You can see what it looked like? Yeah. See, that's what they believe these things looked like. Like sort of semi-chimp-like humans that were three feet tall, but they had tools. What do you think the discussion was? I'm like, do we give them a dick? They're like, yeah, everything's got a dick. Not everything's got a dick, but some things have a dick.

Put a dick on it. He's like, come on. It's going to distract from everything else. His dick's in the shadow. They're like, put a dick on it. He's like, come on. It's going to distract from everything else. His dick's in the shadow. Yeah. They're like, put a dick on it, but don't make it look too big. His dick is wrapped up in a riddle. It's a mystery.

It's a mystery wrapped up in a riddle inside an enigma. Dude, I got to end this. You got to go? I got to get the fuck out of here, yeah. I think we did four hours. I was going to conduct these things with you like a Springsteen concert. Let's see who drops first. You or the audience.

Well, I think today I have too many things. I have three sets tonight. What do you mean? What are you doing? Three sets at the Comedy Store. Oh, really? Yeah, there's a belly room show, a main room show, and an OR show. Oh.

You're busy. Yeah, one starts in an hour. Go. I got shit I got to do. Go. My friend. This is very fun. This is awesome.

Always. Always is, dude. We got to do it again sooner rather than waiting fucking four years or three years or something. Yeah got shit I gotta do. Go. My friend. This was very fun. This is awesome. Always. Always is, dude. We gotta do it again sooner rather than waiting fucking four years or three years or something. Yeah, for sure, brother. Always a pleasure, man. You expand my mind. We have these fun conversations, but I think we spend so much time complimenting each other because we like it.

We don't have to be like, then we can get deep. We can go deep on other things, not each other. Yeah, because if we compliment each other every time, people would be like, these guys are super gay for each other. Yeah, because if we compliment each other, like, every time, people would be like, these guys are super gay for each other. Yeah, to be fair, though, we've only done it, like, every four years. I know. It's not close enough for people to make the assumption that.

Is this our third? I think so. I think I did one with you. I did one at our house. Yeah. And I think we're the one at our house first, then with you, and then this is the third. No, this is the fourth then. Why?

Because I feel like I've done your house twice. Okay, then you did. The first time you did with me and the wife. Then maybe you came and did one solo with me. Exactly. And then we did one solo with you. The last time we did one, you showed me that cool treadmill type desk thing you had set up. With the standing desk.

I was like, oh, that's genius. You have to walk and type at the same time. And while you're sitting there working. That's a fucking, that's a sweet move. That's a very good move. It was good for like a year and a half, I think I used that. Yeah? Eventually, the tread started slipping, so I'd be walking.

Oh, that ain't good. And one time I hit my chin on the desk. Oh, dude. And the desk was down here, so I had to go like this far. And I was like, you know what? How do you sue those bitches? Maybe we were meant to stand at a desk or walk, but never at the same time. Don't quit now.

Get back on that motherfucker. I say ramp it up. Put it on an angle. So you have to hike. Like you're hiking uphill. You're to the extreme. I'm lucky to walk up a hill. Old school-y English running shoes on.

I know. With their dress shoes with the spikes. So I'm running in heels and shit? Yeah, man. All I need is a hat with a buckle on. I'll look like a fucking pilgrim. Thank you, sir. Thanks for having us.

I really, really appreciate this. Keep singing, my friend. Keep singing. We keep saying this, but let's try to do these regularly. I agree. Let's try to do these regularly.

They're so much fun. I agree. Kevin Smith, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.