The Joe Rogan Experience - #918 - Frank Castillo

Episode Date: February 17, 2017

Frank Castillo is a stand up comedian and Champion of the Roast Battle 2 on Comedy Central. He also co-hosts the "Verbal Violence" podcast availble on Spotify.

Shhh, you guys hear that? You hear that shit? That's the rain. That's how hard it's raining here. All these pussies telling you don't, don't, don't mow your lawn. Don't, hard it's raining here. All these pussies telling you, don't, don't, don't mow your lawn. Don't water the lawn. Don't fill the pool. We're running out of water. We're running out of water here in California. Not anymore, motherfucker. They're evacuating

people, Jamie. What did it say on your phone? Evacuate. Sacramento's fucked. The dam is blowing, Frank Castilloillo the damn uh i usually don't introduce guests but this gentleman across me here is uh i'm really proud of you thank you you frank castillo if you go to his instagram page let me just tell everybody he just won roast battle on comedy central, which, uh,

with standup comedians, that's a huge deal. I mean, that is, that's a big deal. That shows a big deal. It's a big deal for comedy, but it's a big deal.

You won. And, uh, if you go to your Instagram page, dude, it's so inspirational. You do the shittiest fucking shows. You're out there doing bowling alleys.

You're out there doing like bars with three people in them and you're doing three, four a night. You're just always hammering it. I love it. And then to see you do that and to see you working at the store like many other people before, like Duncan's done, like Ari's done, like Renazizi's done, like so many people have gone from working at the store. Bobby Lee, I think, worked at the store.

Yep. So many people have gone from working at the store bobby lee i think worked at the store yep so many people have gone from working at the store to making it as a comic so to see you go from working at the store grinding every night and then winning roast battle show these motherfuckers the the trophy here dude it's fucking heavy feeling that's legit as fuck damn now i get why they don't want people to hand those out like the second i got it i was now i get why they don't want people to hand those out like the second i got it i was like i get why they i get it now they shouldn't just hand these out to kids it's so powerful yeah you can't just give a kid a trophy for nothing you gotta win you gotta win you gotta do it and that this show roast battle is one of the reasons why i came back to

the comedy store when i went to see ari was doing his his special, and he had decided to film his first Comedy Central special at the store. And I hadn't been in the store in seven years. I hadn't even stepped foot inside the place. And I was like, well, there's no way I'm missing this. So I had to bite the bullet. I had to go in there. And I said, let me just go the night before. And Jeff Ross asked me to be one of the judges at Roast Battle.

And so I was sitting up there, and I was wow this is crazy this is a totally different thing like this was never here seven years ago there was nothing anything like it it was like really creative writing really like nasty jokes but then everybody's hugging afterwards you know like that's one like one of the rules is like after you do do it, you got to hug it out. Like it was fucking great. And I was like, creatively, this is so inspiring. And it's so,

there's so much life to it that, and then already specialized it. Fuck it. I'm back. It was a, it's a crazy thing, man. I mean,

it was just also just having you show up and just be a part of that. That was one of those things where like everyone knew like all the younger comics, all the open micers, cause it started as an open mic. So when we saw you come in everyone's just like oh this is different like that's when everyone kind of was like oh things are changing yeah man things have changed since then at the store the store is a crazy place now it's insane like i've been there i started there in 94 and uh it was kind of like there's something that happened before i got

there like a bomb had gone off and like these are the survivors that just moved back to the city it was weird it was like the age of kinnison had died you know and then there was really no one after him so like i came in the early 90s and kinnison was like 80 you know like the early 80s to like 86 88 and then i believe he died in like what did he die in like 1992 or something like that he'd already left the store and um when i got there it was all these weird road comics that were like bodax bodax bodax you know what a bodact is no someone who does a lot of cruise ships no disrespect anybody does cruise ships i know there's a lot of comics who really do love doing cruise ships and they're really funny comics is that's not what i mean but what i mean

is like there's there was certain people that didn't work anywhere else but like really shitty gigs oh yeah and there was a lot of them at the store and i was like this is so weird i thought it was going to be like richard pryor and you know, and Louis Anderson. I thought it was just going to be killer after killer after killer. It wasn't like that, but it is now. Oh, this is the time it is. Some of those lineups are the absolute craziest. It's ridiculous. Chris D'Elia, Bill Burr, you're like, what? Over and over again. This killer after killer after killer. Moshe Kasher, Joey Diaz. What the fuck, man? Tasha Lazaro, all those guys going up.

It's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Andrew Santino. Boom, boom, boom. It's like killer after killer. Young killers, older killers. It's crazy. Ron White is there now.

Just walking around. It's actually insane. Ron White's hanging with us in that back bar. Yeah. The elder statesman of stand-up comedy. I remember when Ron White came into a casino I was working at. It was just before I moved to Los Angeles for anything. I was just working in a bar and he was doing a show there.

And I remember I was just like, oh my God, I can't believe it's Ron White. Yeah, man. And I talked to him. And then now it's just so crazy to be like at the comedy store, sitting in the back, smoking a joint, just talking to him about comedy. Dude. And you know what? We started doing the factory again too.

We did the factory last week and we're gonna do it again next week we're gonna do the factory on wednesday nights every other wednesday oh that's amazing at 10 o'clock yeah man we because the factory was struggling and we were like the laugh factory is a good club it's just you know it had a lot of weirdness in the past yeah that was connected to it and the store was always that place to go to so like i think it's important when we see these clubs that we're really lucky to have that we support them all absolutely you know keep them going it's because it's guys like you these guys that are coming up like you're you're going to be in the same position that we're in someday where you're you know you're you're capable of like organizing a night and filling up a room

and then it pumps up the business and and then guys like you get in. You know, like when we did the Ice House Wednesday night, you know? Yeah. Guys like you get in, and then you'll be in that same position someday, too. It's fucking cool to watch, man. Yeah. It's absolutely just insane to be a part of. You know what I mean?

Because it's like doing—I got to host when we were at the Laugh Factory that Wednesday, and was bananas because it was just like meeting the booker and the manager and all these people. And again, sick lineup. Yeah, and it's just crazy. Yeah, yeah. I know. You're getting in. You're like at the door. I remember those days, man. I was never in a position like you're in though.

Your position is better than my position when I was in your stages of stand-up because you got into something through stand-up. I got into something through a sitcom. Yeah. A sitcom is like it's okay, but it's not the same. The stand-up route is the best route. Yeah.

It's really odd, too, because of just how many people have seen the roast battle. Just the finals, I almost feel naive because i didn't realize how many people were there like it was like winning the combine of like the nfl combine but for comedy it was dude it was a big deal it was a big deal it was like guys at the store and girls i shouldn't be sexist guys the girls and girls at the store um we were following it like a sports team like we were following it yeah like it was crazy it's like who's in the lead who's winning where's he at you know yeah and just the vibe in the room was absolutely crazy just like hearing this it was like a sporting event it was nuts dude when i showed up at the store after you'd won it was like like we were super bowl champs yeah it was

people were like crying like other comp but also me winning was such a weird thing because it was like especially the la comedy community i don't want to say like open micers like it's a terrible term but it's like i'm still an open micer you know what i mean like i still hit open mics i'm still a comic that does these things so it's like when i won i'd see all these guys that i would see at these open mics and it was just like it was like we won you know what i mean because it's like they see me at all these spots they know me as the guy that's always working at the store, that's always doing something. So it was like a weird sense of pride. It was like your home team winning.

But also it shows you that you can do it. Like they're you. You're them. You guys are all working together. Yeah. You're all doing those open mics together. They know there's nothing like you didn't get some Willy Wonka golden ticket and somebody let you in. No, you just hammered it out, man.

You kept doing it. Your Instagram page is the shit, man. I really do draw inspiration from it. ticket and somebody let you in no you just hammered it out man you kept doing it your instagram page is the shit man i really do draw inspiration from it i'd love seeing and i know you're funny too which helps thank you because there's certain people that i look at and i go well this guy is this guy or this girl all they have to do is not fuck this up they're funny like you got it yeah and it's like it's very important to tell those people that too like some you you can do because i remember people saying that to me and it was a huge, like Mark Maron gave me a speech one day after I, uh, did a show at, um, uh, the comedy

connection in Boston, which was a little tiny room. And he said some cool shit to me after my set. And I was just a raw open mic-er, like way rarer even than you. I was like, how long have you been doing it now? Uh, started when I was 21. So I'd say about 27, no, so six years. open mic or like way rarer even than you i was like how long you been doing it now uh started when i was 21 so i'd say about 27 now so six years but like seriously for four which is like the pace that i've been doing it where i'm like hitting mics trying to go on shows i'm really taking it seriously is it harder to get cracking in la do you think because there's so much comedy

here i don't think it's hard to get cracking i think it's tougher definitely but i think if you're willing to work hard because you you're surrounded by, this is something my manager told me right before I moved, because I was supposed to get a job and then I didn't and I was really bitter and I wanted to move to Los Angeles. And he said, you can move now and find out you're the shit and things are going to go great. Or you could move now and find out you're not the shit and then work really hard and then get really good.

And that's what I did. Damn, you got a good manager. That's good, solid manager advice. I mean, he was a restaurant manager, but I mean, it was great advice. Wow. So he didn't have anything to do with comedy? No, he was just a man. Call that dude.

Tell him to start an agency. That's why it was so logical. That's why what he said was so logical. You never hear that from fucking stand-up comedy managers. They give people the worst advice. But that's what I did did i moved here and then it was like you know people were like oh there's no time in los angeles like no there's time if you're willing to make it like i will drive to a mic sign up drive to another mic sign up drive back to that first mic hit a spot text someone that's running a show or a host that i know is going to just toss me up at the end so i

know i could go to that mic in two and a half hours while I'm waiting for this other mic. So it's like, it's just like, how much are you willing to pay for gas? You know what I mean? Like it's really, you're investing in yourself. Yeah. Well, you're also, you're definitely investing in yourself,

but you're growing in some weird way. Like when the more sets you do, your act just kind of grows. Like sometimes I've done the hat trick at the store. We do the main room, the belly room, and then the OR or, you know, whatever order.

But by the time you get to that third show, dude, you're on fire. You're just ready. You're just ready to have fun. You know, you're just tucked in, in the groove.

And that's where a lot of times new ideas come from. Cause you're so comfortable on stage. Like maybe you're working on a new bit and out of nowhere, this new angle comes up and it's the best angle of the bit it's because it's just something you've said yeah like offhand it's also something super satisfying it's about seeing someone work hard and become successful i'd love seeing people succeed yeah i can seeing like someone work hard and then it actually working and then you see all these people that come up with excuses and they're always fucking off and they're not they're not traveling enough they're not doing enough sets they're not writing enough they're sticking with the same old material

for too long you know come on man and now it's different because it's like i'm in a weird position where it's like most people win something like that and then they'll turn off their hour or something it's like me i'm just a you know i'm a door guy a door guy. So I've got like 15, maybe 20 good minutes. But now's the opportunity for me, like people ask me to headline somewhere, like some random club. I was like, I'm not going to do that. Like I'll do 20-minute sets for the next year and a half to build that hour because I just want to be a good comic.

Well, you definitely have to get frantic now about creating new material. And that's something about those really short sets. Like a lot of times open mics, they give you three minutes. You know, what do you get, three, sometimes five? Three, sometimes sometimes four some people give me a little bit longer just cuz you know Yeah, but that's it's hard to come out like that for me. That's like the setup for a bit sometimes Yeah, you know like you're just getting your you're just getting the whole Sort of landscape laid out before you go into a bit Kennison used to say that that was a big thing about Kinison not liking to do late night shows. He's just like, I can't get cooking in five minutes.

You know, because he was used to doing those. He would take the late spot at the store where he would just go as long as he wanted. He would have that last spot. The Kinison spot. Yeah. I mean, that's what we call it today. We call it the Kinison spot. I've never done it.

Maybe I've done it like two or three times, but I mean, I haven't done it in like recent years at all. I got to do one super late spot it was the first time i worked a potluck and usually at the rules of um the store once you first get hired you don't get on friends and family list for a few months it's something you have to earn uh that's when i was working there so it was like for the first four months you didn't get any spots you had to keep working there and then eventually i toss you on potluck to keep working there and then eventually they'll toss you on potluck. And then if you're good enough, they'll put you on the name or you put your name on the list. So you have to get up. So it was my first night working potluck.

It's one 30 in the morning and the host is about to finish the show. And I'm talking to one of the guys. I'm like, Hey, I, you know, I just got hired here. I haven't gotten up. There's still two people here. There's no paid regulars. Can I just go up at the end and do like three or five minutes? And the managers looked at me and was like, whatever, go ahead whatever go ahead and then yeah I got to go up three minutes did like potluck

at 1 30 in the morning in front of two people and that was like the most funnest I've ever had well you're realizing like holy shit I'm on stage at the comedy store yeah just that alone yeah I'm actually behind a mic in front of an audience at the comedy store. Yeah, yeah. Where everyone else has been that's been following these exact same footsteps. Yeah. You know, this is a conversation that I had the other day with another comedian. We were talking about how there's certain actors, especially, I think, actors who will treat people that are like what they call below the line. who will treat people that are like what they call below the line, like producers and people who are extras and people who are, you know,

they're not caterers, things like that. They're not the executives and they're not the big top people and the other actors. So they treat them one way and then the rest of the folks that work on the set a different way. Like those people are not equal. They're like below the line. And we were talking about how with stand-up, everybody at the store is pretty much, like once you start working there,

once people like you and you're cool, we're all the same thing. Yeah. Like you get that, like whether it's Daniel Tosh or, you know, Bill Burr, like they'll talk to you like everybody talks to you. Yeah. Like everybody's the same. Yeah.

Because we all know that we are that person. everybody like everybody working the door that has dreams to become a stand-up it's like me when i was delivering newspapers or driving limos same thing we're all the same thing it's absolutely crazy too because like i mean working at the store i mean you put a great point like there's definitely a moment where headliners start taking you seriously and then treat you like a peer yeah and that is an awesome moment and just a like it's interesting right when it happens like i remember when like you know you first started talking to me or like jessel nick or like jeff ross first like gave me attention just to like talk and like i could hold their attention like we like it felt like we were peers and that's just a insane feeling to have as a young comic for the first time well it's that's part of the the scary thing about i think it's

probably any any endeavor whether you're you want to become a an artist or a surgeon or whatever the fuck you want to become if you have people that you see that are ahead of you that are already doing it it seems like the barrier between you and them is insurmountable. And sometimes just someone saying something to you, just someone saying, look, everybody starts out as a beginner. There's no instant experts. No. You start out as a beginner. You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

And then eventually you figure it out. So everyone you see that is up there, that's you. We're all the same thing. Just people, in the people that are further ahead you kind of have an obligation to go hey if you like the art form and i love the art form i think stand-up comedy is like my still my favorite thing to watch after all these years of doing it you want more people to succeed oh yeah you know so this is i think there's a greed thing that some folks possess where they only want to shine.

They want to be the only person who shines. So they see these people coming up. They're like, fuck them. I'm going to keep these fuckers down. Kiss my boot, motherfucker. You know, there's some of that, you know, where they're trying to kick you as you're trying to climb up behind them. I've experienced that a few times. But my mom always told me, and my dad too, my mom always said, it was one of was one of things was like you treat everyone the way you want to be treated and also you also got to remember

It's like it's like you have to be nice to everybody cuz you never know who's gonna be who yeah Well, you should just be nice cuz it feels good, too Yeah, and it's also feels good to them feels good to you Like when I go sorry when I go on open mics and I always make sure to tag all the guys running the mics I always make sure to say thank you and stuff cuz it's like, you know, I'm not the only one. And you always got to try to take care of other people and bring them up. Yeah, and that cool little network of social media, you know, of tagging people's Instagrams and, you know, letting people know, like, hey, the Ha Ha on Tuesday nights, great show. All that stuff helps.

Helps everybody. Helps the community. It helps people who are comedy fans. Like, if you're a comedy nerd, holy shit, what a good town to live in. Oh, absolutely. It's crazy. And you see a lot of them. You see them like come to the store.

And sometimes it's like unnerving because you know they've seen your act and you're working on these new bits. Like, oh, bitch, you've already seen this bit. Yeah. You feel like such a fraud. That's how I feel every time I go up at the roast battle. Because I get to go up every Tuesday at the roast battle. And then before it was just like audiences who kind of like have seen the roast battles for the fans of it but now it's like this is the first week where people came to see me like they were just like oh my god we know

who you are and moses who runs the show and coach t both just they were like you're you're here to see frank it was like a black couple too they're like black people like frank this is crazy but it was just not and so but now it's like there black people like Frank? This is crazy. But it was just nice. And so, but now it's like there's a pressure every Tuesday for me to do something new, to write something new. Yeah. You got to ramp it up. Yeah.

Yeah. But you're still working at the store too. I saw pictures of you sweeping up after a roast battle. That's a great feeling too. I had to put in my two weeks, sort of like my almost two weeks. We'll get you up there. Yeah. Yeah. I had to put in my, weeks, sort of, like my almost two weeks. Go get you up there. Yeah. Yeah, I had to tell my boss, I was like, listen, I love working here, but I'm just getting too busy at nights.

Like, I can only work phones. And then I was like, so I got to go do, you know, stand-up stuff. And they were super cool. They were like, that's great. We're really happy for you. And that just shows that the system's working at the store. It's the only place that I know of that really has that system, where employees are all comics they're all so it's so weird it's a fun place to work because of that it's the best man i mean there's no i mean in that picture too it's one of those things where

it's like someone called me and was like uh can you work phones and i was like yeah i'll work phones so i worked phones and then i sat in the main room because someone couldn't make because someone was out of town so i sat the shift and shift. And then I had to help with the roast battle because I do that anyways. It's just part of my job. So it was like I did all these things. And then I got to do a set. And then I got to judge the roast battle and toss jokes out. Because when I judge, I mostly just write jokes so I can just say funny things while I'm.

And then I let everyone else do like the critiques and stuff. It's also like who am I? Right. But it's just an opportunity for me to shine and make funny jokes at the people battling but i mean it it's all just in today's work you know it's all just work well that's the thing about that roast battle show that's really interesting is that it's really a joke writer showcase because everything has to be new there's no you can't use stock jokes and you are you're essentially given an assignment yeah you know know, like, hey, Frank Castillo, this is, you know, Bob Smith.

And, you know, you got to figure out what's fucked up about Bob Smith's head. That one joke you said about that dude, what was it, his forehead? Oh, Joe's forehead. Joe's forehead looks like it added a second story on it so there'd be more room to think about dicks. That kind of shit, you know, because the dude did have a large forehead but like that's something that you have to think up yeah about that person and if you make a regular forehead joke it's not gonna be like it's like oh okay cool he's got a big forehead whatever but if you make it and add layers do it it's more funny yeah and it really is a setup punchline format yeah i mean mean, it's a really funny format because it's a blah, blah, blah.

It's so blah, blah, blah. You know, you can't, there's no ranting. There's no, you really, you can't go on rants also because you're really only supposed to be allowed one line. Yeah. Like, and sometimes people cheat and they'll throw like two and three in. Well, that's the cool thing about it It's like it's almost like boxing. That's the beauty of the roast battle show is like it's not only writing

It's also performance and it's like the last especially in the finals You can see where like I do some crazy shit And then it's also that's something I learned from Mike Lawrence in the season one where Mike Lawrence season one He was one of the only guys to be to start the thank you blah blah blah and then go into the joke and then hit him again so it was like so it's fitting a rebuttal into your setup and then this season i did something new where it was like i knew that if people hit me with the looks like joke they were going to stop and wait for the laughter and then do the rest of their joke so in my mind i was like if i hit them quick with a better looks like joke,

it'll take the momentum out of that last joke. And now it just depends on this joke to create the momentum. Right. So it's like you're playing chess up there. Yeah, it's like boxing. Like those looks like jokes are just quick jabs. And then your big, big jokes are your fucking haymakers. Yeah, there's some mean shit that gets said too.

Oh my God. Like soul-searing shit like like you'll survive but you will be scarred oh yeah you know some people are really brute but fucking hilarious too it's a weird art form it's a totally different thing you know like but this whole roast battle thing is a totally different thing than regular stand-up but regular stand-up is in it oh yeah because you still have to to perform. That's why that last battle with me and Brashard was so good, because Brashard is one of the funniest dudes I know. He's a great writer, super cool dude, and an amazing roast battler. But it's like when you're in that situation and there's just so much pressure, because it's like you're getting made fun of. You have to memorize

these jokes, because they had us memorize the two guys we, the guy we were going against and the two possible winners of the other bracket. Oh, and how much time did you have to write these bits? So it was, I think, five days. Five days you had to write five jokes, four jokes for the first guy, one possible overtime. And then the finals was five jokes, one possible overtime. So six jokes. one possible overtime. And then the finals was five jokes,

one possible overtime. So six jokes. So total you're writing 18, 20 jokes, not including your looks like, or your quick rebuttals. Holy shit. That's a lot of work.

Yeah. And are you taking like these five out of a pile of like 20 or 30? Like how many jokes are you actually writing before you narrow it down? usually if it's like a, for the TV thing, like it was, uh, they let us, like i had my

cut man which is like my boy dan nolan he helps you strategy oh yeah yeah that's what they did season one too well that's what they want to do because it's like in the finals they want it to be a great show so for me it wasn't like he was writing me jokes it was like we both sat down and i wrote a bunch of premises and a bunch of angles and we talked strategy and then we went from there because it was like if i'm gonna make fun of joe i can't just be making so many gay jokes i'm gonna get dinged for that but it's like he's that's such a big characteristic of how he is and how he walks and just like how he holds himself that it's like you can't not make jokes about that right so it was like if i make jokes about it i have to be silly and it has to come from like a childlike ignorance you know what i

mean so i can't like call him like like a faggot or something like super mean or anything i just got it like but i could say it was like he loves butt stuff you know what i mean like that's just funny and childlike you know well i see what you're saying like yeah like there's a tone that you have to set where you you can't be too mean no because while you're even while you're saying really mean shit exactly because you can lose the crowd yeah but if you can gain their trust to the point where you've said so many silly funny things that's where at the end you can really earn saying something terrible but as long as it's funny now is it weird to be doing these roast battles where you're writing

all this new stuff every week but then when you're doing standup, you're doing a lot of stuff that you've already done before. Yeah, it is weird in the sense that it's like, it's making me realize that the different, like that I can just, I can create new material. You know what I mean? Because especially in not high pressure situations, but it's like if I give, if I have a goal or a set, a set time, like I can write new material. And now what I'm realizing is like, I can just do that with my standup. If I can do that with Rose battle, where I sit down and write all these jokes, I can do that with writing packets. I can do that with my standup and it's just getting up and just doing it. You know what I mean?

Where's that book? Dude, this book is the shit. People are getting mad at me now for suggesting this book so much. But it's called The War of Arts by this guy Steven Pressfield. And it's essentially about overcoming what he calls resistance, what most people call procrastination. Oh, yeah. You know, that overcoming this whatever it is that keeps you from actually putting in the work. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, and he talks about it. And he sort of identifies it and then gives you tools to deal with it and explains how it affected him he was essentially just not doing well at all in his life till he was about 40 and then at 40 he kind of got his shit together and now he's just a award-winning author and uh written a bunch of great movies and a bunch of great books it's just very inspirational stuff but that that's what i was kind of getting at. It's like I think that now that you're in this new spot where everybody knows who you are, you won the roast battle, you got all this heat on you. It's like super important now to take all that writing to the next level. Absolutely. Like, I mean, I thought it was busy now or before just grinding and writing these jokes.

Now it's like I walked into Levity and the manager knew me. Like everyone kind of knows who i am in a sense you know not that i'm like oh i'm famous i'm just they just know that i did this thing well there's there's a window yeah yes you got to jump through that window you know because some people miss that window and it's weird you'll run into guys that were on last comic standing a long time ago and they had a window where things were happening for them and And then it blew away and they never capitalized. They never jumped through it. And there's some guys like Ralphie May who jumped through it running.

Ralphie May probably worked harder than anybody after that show. He was cranking out DVDs, touring everywhere. And he capitalized phenomenally on his time on the show. But other people just did not. They just never really got it cooking. You are, you know, you're like in a great spot, like right now. Yeah, and that's, for me, it's like, I don't plan on stopping. Like, I want to do as many sets as I can.

I'll still do someone's quinceanera for 20 bucks. Will you really? Oh, yeah, man. Get ready. I'll do whatever, man. People are going to have a fake quinceanera just to have you over get him for 20 bucks man guy won roast battle there's no mexicans here um yeah i mean but it's just like i mean i just want to do stand-up that's my favorite thing

especially like i do it does suck that i'm not going to be at the store as much working there because that was one of my favorite things was just sitting working the door and just watching all the comics go up because i really believe the store is a comedy college yeah no it definitely is but you graduated from high school and now you're moving on into university life oh it's insane man yeah it's cool it's really cool this the store right now um i think uh is a wonderful place for you to come back to when you're doing other shows and then start doing shows there as a paid regular, you know, once you showcase and get through. Yeah. I showcased once. Um, and I can't wait to showcase again, but I think we were talking about this early. It's like a lot of people come

up to me and ask me like, are you going to be a paid regular? And it was one of those things where it's like, I want to, but I want it when it, when I feel I've earned it and I deserve it. I want to get it just because of something. Yeah, dude, the funny shit that you wrote on Roast Battle, you could do that all day. You could do that all day about, you could just like pick subjects, you know, like Roast Trump, you know. Did you see that new thing that came out today that, I mean,

not yesterday, that crazy rant that he went on, that press conference for an hour and a half? Dude, people that are friends of mine, that are conservatives are scared. Like, I have some buddies of mine that were like, dude, this ain't good. Dude, people that are friends of mine that are conservatives are scared. Like, I have some buddies of mine that were like, dude, this ain't good. Like, he seems unstable. Oh, yeah.

He's going crazy. My favorite are the people that look at it and they're just like, no, this is totally cool. No, this is totally fine. These people are out of their mind. There was a reporter who, did you see that one reporter? The Jewish reporter when he tried to shut him down, told him to sit down? No, no. The reporter that he was talking about what kind of a landslide he won the

electoral college by, and that it's the greatest landslide ever. And this guy was like, absolutely not. He pulled out the stats. Yeah, he pulled out the stats. Everybody did better. Obama did better. George Herbert Walker did better. George W. did better. They all did better.

I think it was the guy from CNN and then he ended up calling CNN. He's like, ah, now I got a new name for him. It's very fake news. Well, I don't know if it's that guy. It's on Patton Oswalt's Twitter page. He retweeted it that someone said something about

calling him out on his lies because he says that he won by the biggest landslide ever, and then this other guy comes in. Someone who's that overt with their ego, that's never been a part of the White House before. It's so strange to see. And I think that it seems like already that's wearing on him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He looks like a crazy person you can see it he it's it's it's he's unraveling you know what i mean and it's also like the people he's got around him you know they're not helping him at all is that a blunt with like tobacco on the outside yes oh you son of a bitch i'm a big fan of blunts i only started smoking i only smoked these a couple of times but charlie murphy got me on these oh man when i grown up in san jose my cousins all they did was smoke weed and one of my cousins it was like a thing with him whenever i'd roll a blunt he'd get mad at me if it if it wasn't as full as possible he'd get mad yeah he'd be like dude there's too much tobacco i can take and then i wouldn't like get mad but he'd like give me shit. So like I had to. You put tobacco inside too?

No, no, no, no, no. It's just the outside. Oh, okay. But it's just like, if you don't roll it fat enough. I see what you're saying. The tobacco leaf on the outside. Now you're, those tobacco, what's really weird is those tobacco leaves are the, that's the same leaves that's on cigars, but you don't inhale cigars, but you inhale this.

So you get so fucked up from these things in a weird way it's a little bit of nicotine i mean i a lot of nicotine there's a lot it's battling it's like it's like stupidity and and and peace are battling together i um love weed weed's my favorite i remember when i had to tell my mom that you're a weed smoker well she found weed in my uh in my room frank and then she told me she was like get over here frank yeah she was like if i ever catch you smoking weed she's like i'm gonna beat the shit out of you but then the second i turned 18 she was just like and then it started to become legal she was like the first person to try to get a card really Really? Yeah. My mom smokes tons of, my mom's a party animal.

Why was she worried about you? Because she, when she was young, she did a lot of crazy stuff. Oh, she was worried that you were, you were going to ruin your life. Yeah,

she just doesn't want me to, you know, get crazy. Well, people always resist the idea that their children are going to become adults. Yeah. It bothers them. And it bothers them that their children are going to face the same tests.

You know, when you're, when you become a parent, you realize like, you think about all the stupid shit that you barely survived yeah like god damn it like what about my kids they're gonna have to make those same stupid mistakes and then you know people want a helicopter parent nerf the world i'm good dude yeah my mom uh my mom loves me so much she just she can't i mean she's a mom she cares she had me when she was like 19 so when she was um she just doesn't want me to turn out to be a bad guy, which I mean, I think I'm not gonna be, you know.

Dude, you're a man. You're done. Exactly. You made it through. What is this? Oh yeah. Okay. Play this.

Cause it's hilarious. This is the, the Trump saying something and then the reporter correcting him. Listen to this. Is it not going through? Hmm. We have a little bit of a sound. Here it goes. Bring it all the way back to the beginning. 306 electoral college votes. I guess it was the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan. You said today that you had the biggest electoral margin since Ronald Reagan with 304 or 306 electoral votes. In fact, President Obama got 365. President Obama, 332, and George H.W. Bush, 426 when he won as president.

So why should Americans trust you? Well, no, I was told I was given that information. I don't know. I was just given. We had a very, very big margin. I guess my question is, why should Americans trust you when you accuse the information they receive of being fake when you're providing information? Well, I don't know. I was given that information.

I was given. I've actually I've seen that information around, but it was a very substantial victory. Do you agree with that? You're the president. Okay, thank you. That's a good answer. Yes. This is craziness.

This is craziness. It's like you saw him adjust in mid-sentence where he was like, I was talking about Republicans. And then it turns out this guy hit him with a bomb. It's almost like he verbal boxed him. He set him up with that because he had Herbert Walker in his pocket. He built up. He went Obama. And then he hits him. He's like him up with that because he had Herbert Walker in his pocket. He built up, you know, he went Obama and then he hits it.

He's like, well, I was like talking about Republicans. And then he kills. I was like, look at this George Herbert Walker, butch bitch. Boom.

Which was like, what is it? Four 55. He won by landslide. Yeah. Damn. And then what did he do? What Trump do?

He just goes, eh. Yeah. It's just weird. That's sort of the information I was given. Like, you want to know something funny? When I did the roast battle, this is a great moment just for me as a Hispanic man.

I told that Barron Trump joke. I didn't know that. There was a joke I did, and it was right after the lady got fired from SNL. Right. The joke I did was, and Dan Nolan was the who wrote it and he kept he pushed me so hard to do it and I was like I don't know if I can do he's like no man you have to do this one I was like fine but he it was

a Anna could pass for a Trump she's got the body of Melania the brains of Ivanka and her womb is barren oh shit it's just a play on words you know what I mean it's hilarious so and it was just a good joke so mean yeah yeah she's not barren and it's just a play on words. You know, it's hilarious. So and it was just a good joke mean She's not there and it's amazing woman

but it was it was just so funny because it was like the next day a conservative website wrote an article about it and the article was about how good the joke was because they were like this is how you Don't write a joke or this is swinging down against, you know, the president's son This is a great joke on playing words, and this can get you to win. And it was just so funny to see people look at that and be like, oh, okay, that's just a good joke. It was really weird that intelligent people thought it was okay to attack his kid. Yeah. I mean, you should never just attack a person, especially a kid who doesn't, you know what I mean?

It's just weird. It's weird that people make these, they just have these decisions they make like that. Yeah. It's okay because he's the kid of the enemy or something like that. No. It's just a little kid. You got to hold yourself to a higher standard. That's why I was like making that joke.

I felt like it was, it was a higher standard. But that's good that you have that higher standard because I think we all recognize that base idea, that base instinct to attack someone's kid like that. Yeah. The best part, though, was after that, someone came up to me and they were just like, we don't want you to not make jokes. We just want you, if you could please, you know, not mention Barron Trump anymore, that'd be great. Yeah. And I was like.

Don't make a habit of it. Yeah. I was just like, I was like, no, I mean, I'm not gonna, but I was like, thanks. I was like, oh, that feels cool that they told me to not do something. I was like, oh, that's great. Dude, you're a rebel. Yeah. But it's a really good joke.

As you said, it's a play on words. It's not mean at all. It's not mean at all, nor is it really a joke about him. It's just his name. It's a great joke. That's a pretty flawless joke when it comes to that subject. You know, you've got all your bases covered. That's walking right on the line.'s that's some people would just say you're crossed it but i

think that's i think they're wrong and i think that's a perfect point because it's like you have to not make these jokes to find the line but it's like as comedians that's our job right we gotta not push the boundaries and like say terrible things but but it's like, you see a challenge, you know, see how finally you can walk that line. When you see a guy like Trump going through this, whatever he's going through right now, do you think that that's just the, this is just total speculation. Do you think that's the weight of all these people that are upset at him? Do you think that's the magnitude of the job? Do you think he think this is just who he is? I don't know if this is who he is.

I think he definitely, I think from what we can see, is he definitely stepped into a job he thought he could do, and now he's just like, oh, okay. Because there's definitely some times where you watch him and you see him try to run it like a business, or the way he talks to people, where it's just like, oh, that's the way a boss would talk to someone that he thinks is employed by him yeah um boy i think he's also going through the scrutiny of some of the smartest people in the world yeah man and i don't think he ever has been through that and i think he's

gone through the scrutiny of the general public in an entertainment sense yeah and in a sort of uh you know a cultural icon sense is the term of this billionaire flamboyant character who puts his name on all these fabulous buildings and runs casinos and all that stuff. I mean, that's how we thought of him. He's like a bad Iron Man. Well, he's, you know, he's Donald Trump. I mean, he's you don't get to be that successful without some crazy drive to win and sometimes you know you get this blinders sort of almost bullheaded determination forward and guys like that conquered worlds yeah you know it's that's the real deal man i mean that's really what it is that mindset that it's not always correct

but it's somehow or another almost always prosperous. Yes. And they can get through. They can get through. But I think the guy like that who's so business savvy and so is good at making money and some would argue, maybe you're right, maybe I'm wrong, that he just invested his dad's money. I've heard all that. But he still made a lot of fucking money. Yeah.

Right? Maybe, who knows how much? I don't know how much money he made. He's got money, That's rich as fuck Yeah, and I feel like all throughout history those guys that have done that have been like conquerors Yeah, this is just he's just getting to do it in business Yes, you know now he's trying to do it on a global scale But I think that that's almost like the mindset of those like super billionaire. I mean, they have like conquerors genetics or something.

Oh, yeah. He's got like a little bit of Alexander. Yeah. But I think there's just humans like that. Yeah. But now those humans find themselves in business like these like super winner characters, you know, fuck what you care about. Fuck what you think. You know, this is we're going to do it my way.

Yeah. You know, sometimes I feel like I have that drive too. You know what I mean? Where it's like now, especially where it's like, I, I get that. You know what I mean? Like that drive where it's like, fuck it. You know, let's just work hard and get this shit done. Yeah. Well, I don't know if that's what he's got. I mean, I definitely think he's got some of that. Yeah. I mean, it's definitely misplaced in an odd direction. Well, it's just under the scrutiny of all these insanely intelligent people. Yeah.

It's just really, really fascinating. Like that reporter, like that, that kind of interaction is a new thing to him. Oh yeah. And it's the, just the way he communicates.

It's, I don't think he's ever been in a situation where I think he's always been in a situation where he definitely feels and thinks he's like, I'm definitely the smartest person in the room right now. But like when you put up, up against someone that are you know more intelligent and like also have their shit ready and their facts he he doesn't know how to like handle that and then he just like breaks down in a sense what you just saw you know he like changes his words and he like uh it's really interesting from a psychological perspective, you know, Howard Stern had a really fascinating take on it and His take on it was that Trump really wants to be loved and it's a bad job for him because of that

Oh, yeah, because as the president There's no president that's ever been Universally loved I feel you know, no way president like either people love you or people hate you Yeah, it's one or the other. It's never like, I can live with him. Yeah, yeah. Some people were like, I could live with him with George W. after 9-11. His approval rating went through the roof.

Remember that? Yeah, I do. Because he made us feel better. He did. We said, okay, well, when some shit goes down, this is the kind of guy you want there. Some guy who gives a real good speech right afterwards, has this strong military backing. Okay, this is what we need right now. Yeah.

And in a lot of ways, you know, that was what you need after some sort of a global crisis like that. You need a leader. Yeah. So that was probably like the one time that i can remember just and it wasn't that long before people giving up on him again you know after mission accomplished maybe all that that was like the beginning of the end once they did that they had that they had a warship with a giant mission accomplished banner in the background and the war is you know goes on for another like seven years right so

funny when when did the war end there how much later after that mission accomplished did the war actually end my favorite is there was a dude whose job it was to go get that printed up oh my god he probably was just staring at like that's so insane someone talked to him and they said sir it's over yeah beautiful perfect put up the flag let's do this put up the banner yeah look at that mission accomplished that seems like a scene in a movie doesn't it yeah when you look at that photo it's like is that real is that really what happened folks as you get older and you see this thing going on, you see these people and you see the presidents and you see the White House and Congress and you realize after a while, oh, these are all just people. Yeah.

These are all just people. Human beings. And they're entrapped in this system that they've constructed in order to dictate where they go, when they go, how much they get, and how they can live. I mean, that's really what it is. It's a series of laws. The general idea is they're there to protect you and your interest. But in a lot of ways, not really. No, we just trust it.

It's just a system. Yeah. A system of control that we all agree to. Yeah, man. You know? I think it's so funny because it's like the more stuff that happens with him and then just seeing everything, the more and more I'm just like, this isn't real. This is all just, this has to be a joke. Yeah.

It feels, it doesn't feel real. But it never did. It feels less and less real with time, though. It does. You, I mean, you always make those jokes where like we're in a simulation. Yeah. And there's many a day where I'll just especially going on the road with you just being here just anywhere i'm just like oh if this was a simulation this is definitely the simulation i'd be playing

yeah it seems like this is a fun one to play it seems like there's a lot of game elements in it seems like there's good decisions bad decisions repercussions for each it's insane yeah it's a weird weird world that you live in when a popular person wins the popularity contest for the first time yeah you know like someone who decides that they they're gonna run things like there's never been a guy like trump who's run a country like that I mean just became like a really popular person and then just took over the country Fascinating absolutely insane my favorite are just the people at fault. That's like I can't I love Just watching them and talking though. Some people are happy that there's chaos. Yes, no mistake about that There's some people that are happy that he's in there because they think that the system

That was in place was insanely corrupt and I think they're right me and they're banking on him being the solution to that you know because of his business savvy i don't understand politics or finances enough to know if they're right i don't but i know that like culturally it's weird the whole thing is weird i feel like you know the difference between right and wrong yeah i would hope so i you know it's not even it's not necessary i think it's an impossible job oh yeah i really do i think it's it's i think we should phase it out i think we should figure out how to get a large group of people you know i think i you could go as many as like a dozen and have these people work it out. Like really smart people. Yeah.

All scientists? No, different, different disciplines. I think you have to have people from the medical profession. You'd have to have people from the scientific communities, biology, um,

astrophysics. You'd have to have people that are predicting like what, what's going on with asteroids. Are we cool? Is everything cool? Should we just, should we just fuck it do whatever we want because we're going to get hit by a giant rock 40 miles yeah wide you know in 10 years should we just chill what do we do yeah i need people smarter than me to fucking decide stuff like that because it's one of those things

where it's like like i'm an idiot but i'm also pretty kind of well versed on a lot of things yeah but i mean i don't know anything about finances i mean i like to think i know a little I'm an idiot, but I'm also pretty kind of well-versed on a lot of things. Yeah. But I mean, I don't know anything about finances. I mean, I like to think I know a little bit about politics, but I mean, if there's a group of scientists and people that are really, you know, designing, I'd much rather have that than one dude who's not a big fan of a certain amount of people. Yeah. I'm, I'm exactly like that. I don't know shit about politics, but I, I do know, and I talk about it and people, you shouldn't talk that. I don't know shit about politics. But I do know, and I talk about it.

People, you shouldn't talk about something you don't shit. I'm not even going to study that crazy system. I think it's ridiculous. I think you can kiss my ass. People are allowed to give you money, and then you do things that they want you to do. They donate money to you, and then you make decisions that benefit them. For real? Fuck you.

I don't need to be smart to know that that seems a little bit fucking weird that system's crazy it's just old as fuck and that's how they had to do it in the 1700s okay exactly it's 2017 we could come up with a better system than this yeah across the board you know like everyone's tripping about the uh immigration which they're deporting illegals and stuff. They really are, huh? So is it more than they used to deport people? Because how much did they used to deport people? They're still deporting regular amounts of people, from what I understand,

from what I've looked at. But the thing that I'm worried about, and that worries me, is that it's like, there's certain people that obviously are illegal here and are getting sent back. Not all of them, but just the fact that there's some that are getting sent back that are american concerns me yeah and there's some that are really cool as fuck because i mean i have family members that are real fucking cool as fuck yeah there's there's a lot of

really nice people yeah i make this joke now where it's like i joke about losing my id and how that's going to be a big problem for me now it's like if i get stopped and then i have to convince this dude that i'm american you know what i mean a lot of people problem for me now. It's like if I get stopped and then I have to convince this dude that I'm American. You know what I mean? A lot of people that hear me say that joke are like, ah, that's not real. That's stupid. That's dumb fear. It's like you can just talk to them.

And it's like, yeah, maybe. But what if that guy's having a fucking bad day? And also, don't you think like every other Mexican that gets caught in that is going to be trying to give the exact same speech I am? Yeah, 100%, man. It's just, it's weird because they're really only targeting mexicans around california you're not going to deport canadians hot blonde canadians hot blonde girl from vancouver you're going to send her home yeah the fuck out of here exactly targeting mexicans right i would assume and white people are going crazy right now oh dude there's no shit about immigration. They're taking our jobs.

It is my favorite. You fucking liberal. Limousine liberal. My favorite, too, is that it's like, you know, I talk about these things and stuff in a very joking manner, but these are real problems certain people are having. And I went to a small show, and it was in a house, and it was just a lot of, like, white chicks, white guys,

which is fine, you know what I mean? But I could just see some of them start to get uncomfortable with the things I was saying. But it's like, you know what? That's fine. Build that wall. Yeah. Build that wall. I just feel like one day that's not going to be real. The wall? No, I don't think the wall is going to be real.

No, I don't even think, I don't think there's going to be, and I don't think this is a great idea, like a new world order. Yeah. yeah you know like idea like one government to rule the world yeah but I think it would be really nice if people could go wherever the fuck they want I just feel like this idea that you can like legally restrict people's movement based on patches of dirt they were shit out onto yeah it's pretty ridiculous yeah it just seems like that's gonna go away if it doesn't go away a hundred years

from now, it's going to go away a thousand years from now. It's preposterous. It's like, what's the point? I mean, whenever I talk to people about the immigration thing, people always, and I respect people's opinions. I'll listen and I'm willing to learn and like, I'll listen to what you have to say. And if it's terrible, I'll probably make fun of you a little bit. That's just how I deal with things. But it's like california used to be a part of mexico yeah if you look at the history did we buy it no i shouldn't say we threw myself into white people even though my parents were all immigrants we're all immigrants um the colonists yeah but it was um i mean that's funny though i do people do do that like i said you know we i would say we

like hey well we killed all the indians no i Indians no I don't bitch the zero direct connection to me and ending Indian deaths oh yeah absolutely but you know they'll say we did it yeah you know when we came here we pushed out the Native Americans oh wait what is this we shit and it's funny that they see pushed out yeah I mean it's like no it was pushed out in the very nice terms so what we did to them I said it too. Yeah, but it's that we thing is supernatural. Supernatural. It's super easy to get locked up into little tribes. We just got to give it up.

Yeah. We got to give it up. It's stupid. It is. It's old and dumb. It's so dumb. It's fine for teams. Yes.

You want to play sports? It's awesome. Cleveland's going to take on LA. We're going to fucking go there and represent. We need a big asteroid to fucking unify everybody. It would do that. It definitely would. I saw what 9-11 did to New Yorkers. I guarantee you

if we had some sort of a mega disaster, the people that survived would be nicer to each other. And they would realize how fortunate we are. We've been in a time of peace for so long that we can't intellectualize. We can't in a time of peace for so long that we can't intellectualize. We can't, in a conscious sense, wrap our head around the fact that at any moment, there

could be a 45,000 mile an hour chunk of rock that slams into us. Yeah. That can happen at any time. We all think we're invincible. Dude, those are scary. That can happen at any time. We all think we're invincible. Dude, those are scary.

There's supposed to be like 900,000 near-Earth objects between us and Jupiter. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Is that right? Did you see? I hope I'm wrong about that. But it's something scary like that. It's some insane number.

Tyson put up a diagram of the Earth and just the solar system. Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yeah. I think you should be real clear. Well, I mean, that's the only Tyson I know. No, I'm just kidding. Just start calling people. I'm sorry. What did he put up?

He posted it. It was on his Instagram. It was just a diagram of the solar system rotating, but then it showed, because we're technically flying through the universe, and then it's just a group of us just all you know and yeah and the moment that i realized that we're not stationary and that we're actually just moving through the universe my head fucking exploded oh it's crazy yeah that that graphic is beautiful it's you realize like it's taking a long time for it to make that motion you're're looking at it over millions and billions of years, but that is what it's doing. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's it. This is our world is spinning around a giant nuclear explosion that's hurling toward something. What it looks like is if someone launched some sort of a nuclear bullet and we're looking at it in slow motion it's crazy like if a gun launched a sun bullet i mean that's what we're looking at it's just our version of time is so so brief that we can't appreciate that this thing is in motion because its motion requires is in motion because its motion requires billions of years to complete so it's literally like a bullet getting shot through the cannon and all those things around it are particles that are sort of connected to it like little fragments of it as it hurls through infinity we're just a speck in the history so i remember I was in class and they did it. It was like in the time of history, or in the time of the universe,

humanity is just a second. Yeah, it's not even that. It's nothing. It's nothing. We're just a little tiny thing. How many more near-Earth objects? Okay. 15,629 near-Earth objects have been discovered.

Some 876 of those are asteroids with a diameter of approximately one kilometer or larger. 1,700? Oh, my God. Potentially hazardous? 1,785 of these near-Earth objects have been classified as potentially hazardous asteroids, or PHAs. Jesus Christ, you know when they have just three letters? It's serious. They broke it down.

Potentially hazardous asteroids, 1,785. I was thinking of just last night, I was talking to my friend, what if one doesn't hit Earth but crashes into the moon and just fucks up the moon? Oh, yeah, it's not good. That's not good either it's all bad it's all bad there's some people who think the moon's a hologram it's definitely not real there was uh there was one that slammed into jupiter that the explosion it created is was so big it was i believe it was like almost the size of the earth itself oh my god that's crazy yeah well jupiter

apparently is the reason why we are alive because jupiter is so massive that it draws everything it's like our protector it's like our guard dog look at this look at the fucking impact watch this impact it is the craziest shit look at that. That's an asteroidal impact on Jupiter. It was the size of Earth. It was the size of Earth. What in the fuck, man? What in the fuck? The size of the whole Earth? Explosion the size of everything on this planet.

Get the fuck out of here. That's so insane. That's one of those moments, you can't even run, like, if that happened here on Earth, you couldn't run from it. That's one of those moments you can't even run like if that happened here on earth you couldn't run from it that's one of those moments where you look at it and you're like this is gonna happen well you know that's what they say earth is that earth is earth two and that there was an earth one and earth one got hit by another planet and that's what created the moon yeah that's like i think that's the most current theory of how the Earth and the Moon were formed and why they're so close to each other.

And there's a great diagram of an asteroid hitting what Earth-1 is what they described it as. And then it just shows like how it would spin off and just a piece of it. So there's a good diagram of how that's a pretty great theory. Now, does the Moon, it's interesting. The Moon doesn't spin the way the earth spins right it has a different spin it spins around us but it doesn't spin on its axis as well is that a stupid question probably right i just don't understand gravity so i should probably shut the fuck up the moon orbits earth every once every 27.322 days.

It takes approximately 27 days for the moon to rotate on its axis. As a result, the moon does not seem to be spinning, but appears to observe us from the Earth to be almost perfectly still. Scientists call this synchronous rotation. Ah, fascinating. Wow, that's fucking cool. Oh, so we're both spinning? Dude.

It's just the way we spin and the way it spins appears to us that it's not spinning. Oh, that's nuts. That's amazing. Dude, the moon is a fucking crazy thing. There's something one quarter the size of us. It's dead as fuck,

and it's just floating in the sky It's like having a dead body next to your house that you never talk about But you just look at it. Can you just look at it on your way to school? There's some dude who's got a skeleton on a bench That's what we could be we could easily be that stupid fucking moon floating into the universe would not give a shit No universe doesn't care. The universe does not give a fuck if there's give a shit no universe doesn't care the universe does not give a fuck if there's water in arizona it doesn't care my favorite just seeing the moon during the day and you're just like oh wow that's trippy but really fucking cool it is so important

to have people smarter than us out there so we can find this out can you imagine if you and i had to figure out what was going on oh we'd be fucking dumb we'd done. I'd just be making fun of stuff. Here, they're showing how it works here. How as the moon spins, every part of it is essentially the same part. That's kind of fascinating. So the way the earth spins, the way the moon spins, it rotates at such a synchronous order that it looks like it's not spinning. That's beautiful.

See, science is just such a fucking incredible thing that someone could figure that out and they can tell you, and then you don't have to figure it out on your own. No. Like, cause that's, there's too much work involved. Can you imagine if you had to figure out, you know, what is nuclear physics? You know, what is, um, what's an atom? What's the, what, on your own? No. That's the weirdest thing

about people is that we all act collectively whether we know it or not we all act collectively and without that i feel like i have a booger on my nose do i no you get why is that so embarrassing because everybody has boogers right if you don't have a booger something's probably wrong with your nose but to have one to talk about it goes back to like childhood yeah you got a boogie yeah like you know you catch your kids picking their nose hey get out of there stop digging in there just that's good feeling it's a very embarrassing good feeling of picking out a booger oh it's so satisfying yeah dude you ever watch someone do it in traffic i have sure the best no one's looking you're just going at it had my nose fixed. I had a deviated septum.

And after I had my nose fixed, I was blowing out the most disgusting blood boogers. Because it was all like scabs and blood. And I would blow it out. And it would be giant, dude. Giant. Like the size of a thumb. Jesus. Yeah, it was crazy.

I showed it to Tom Segura once. We were at the airport and I blew my nose into a tissue and I go, dude, you gotta look at this. And he looked at it and he drived. He appreciated it though, right? He really had a hard time looking

at it, man. That's my favorite. Just grossing out your friends. Yeah, but that's one thing that fear factor killed dead in me oh gross yeah that's that's that's one of them right there oh wow yeah that came out of my nose son jesus yeah that was real i feel like you could name it it was giant i was like that doesn't even make sense um i know i'm disgusting i showed you a booger it's more blood than it is a booger i used to surf and uh i was bad at it so i would get knocked underwater all the time oh no i remember the first time i ever went i didn't

realize it there's like when you're constantly surfing you get water shoved up your nose all the time so like there's just a moment where you'll be out doing something and it'll all just release because the pressure's gone so i remember i was like i don't know if i was like talking to my girlfriend or something but i was just talking to someone and then just all of a sudden it just released and i'm just talking to him and just salt water all over my face whoa just disgusting that is disgusting dude asteroids are freaking me the fuck out right now we shouldn't have brought that up that's that's one thing that could just change everything. Yeah. And they happen all the time. Like, we just missed one.

One came between us and the moon, didn't it? Wasn't there one that, like, recently came between us and the moon? Or Trump's going to build a wall. Or it's about to. Or it's about to? Yeah, I think. See if you can find out what that is. By the way, let's go champ.

Everyone calls me that now when I walk around. Let's go champ. No, just champ. It's such a great feeling. It's so stupid too Like I'll go to open mics They'll just be like Champ champ

I'm just like Ah that feels good Do you know who Shannon the Cannon Briggs is The name sounds real Heavyweight boxer Yeah yeah yeah With a hilarious Instagram

I had him on the podcast Let's go champ Yeah that's him Let's go champ That's where That's where the hat comes from This is an authentic Let's go champ hat

From the source Oh my god That's the best I felt it appropriate To wear In your presence, sir, since you are now the roast battle champ. One happened January 9th. January 9th.

Jesus Christ, it was last month, people. That's insane. Oh, that's so scary. We're in a goddamn shooting zone. We're in a shooting gallery. Isn't that what Randall Carlson was saying? Isn't that how he described it we really are he's right there's a bunch of shit out there it's 1 700 and something or another

that could kill us asteroid came within the half a distance from earth to the moon flying through cis lunar space what is cis lunar Is that like the sex it was born with? Yeah, it's not a... Yeah, because that's cisgender. Does cis-lunar... Is that connected to cis... Fucking idiot. Don't even know what the sir prefix is.

What is the cis... What is the cis prefix? What does that really mean? There's someone online right now just screaming at us. You fucking idiot shouldn't talk about space. Cis lunar space this morning. Scientists at the Catalina Sky Survey discovered the asteroid, which is being

called asteroid 2017 AG13 on Saturday. Discovered it on Saturday. Jesus. They discovered it on Saturday? Is that what they're saying? I think so, yeah. Oh my God. 50 to 111 feet across was moving at about 10 miles per second. Oh my Jesus!

10 miles per second! With the same size as the asteroid that hit Russia in 2013, the size of the asteroid coupled with how fast it was moving and how low its albedo brightness made it difficult to view through a telescope. Jesus fucking Christ! You know how fast that is? They can't see it! It's dark and they can't see it!

It's so fast they couldn't see it. Oh, that's insane to me. Would you rather be on the... It scares the fuck out of me, man. Would you rather be on the asteroid or on the Earth? You want to be right under where it hits you don't want to survive you don't want to be eating people you know you just don't want that to go down you don't want to get to that spot where you're eating people because that's where

it goes it's where it goes when it gets down to almost everyone's dead and there's almost no life and there's almost no food and there's just all you need is one or two aggressive mean assholes. And next thing you know, you justify some shit and you're on an episode of The Walking Dead. Asteroid buzzed Earth and Moon January 25th. What is it? Another one? This is a different one. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

He's going to terrify Joe today. This is the January 25th one. So the other one was January 6th. Is that what it was? 7th? 7th or 8th, I think. Oh, my God. We're tri to terrify Joe today. This is the January 25th one. So the other one was January 6th. Is that what it was? 7th? 7th or 8th, I think. Oh my God. We're tripping about walls, man. We ain't tripping about fucking asteroids. Oh my God. They only found this one on the 20th.

Pass between Earth and the Moon. Late Tuesday night, according to the clocks in the Americas, the asteroid closest approach was 1145 Eastern Time on January 24th, 2017. Came within, I don't know what that means, 0.68 lunar distances. Whoops, goddamn pop-up windows.

0.68 lunar distances, about 162,252 miles. Slew broadcast a show about this asteroid last night, which you can see in the video above. And what website is this? EarthSky.org, but most of this information keeps coming from slew, which is an observatory. Thank God those guys are watching to see death coming with not a goddamn thing we can do about it.

Do you think they tell... Do you think they... If an asteroid's going to hit Earth, do you think they tell Trump? I don't know. I don't know what you do. What do you do if you know everybody's dead? Yeah, do you think they tell Trump? I don't know. I don't know what you do. What do you do if you know everybody's dead? Yeah, do you think he tells us? Not even if it doesn't have to be Trump, but do you think if you're the president and you find out the world's going to end because of an asteroid, do you tell everybody?

Well, no one wants to feel completely, totally helpless. Yeah. But we absolutely are. We've been hit by planets, you fucks. We could get hit by a goddamn planet. Well, I don't know if you guys know this, but they think there's another fucking planet at the end of our solar system now. They don't know where it is, but they think it's six times bigger than the Earth.

I've actually heard that. There's been a lot of- You can't see it. Yeah, because of the shadows. This thing's crazy. This universe is crazy. There's rogue planets. Rogue planets go flying around and slamming other planets like billiard balls

Then they find a planet that like lit. They think is literally just a diamond Dude I was I was high as fuck once and I went outside and it was foggy and The moon was full and it was foggy and so it was this crazy illusion like there was a enormous moon flying in the sky enormous moon like many many times larger than the moon itself like it was almost like another planet like just hovering right over us because of the glow of the moon and i remember looking at that man and thinking to myself that could that could be another reality like there could be another planet somewhere out there in the universe that is looking up at this gigantic thing that's like a

another planet just floating right above you and there's they're everywhere they're everywhere they keep finding new ones yeah which is just flying through this huge storm of planets and nuclear explosions. Fuck man. That's crazier than anything that we ever contemplate on this earth while we're alive. The very nature of space itself.

I think there's a diagram of the biggest sun, or the biggest star they found in the universe, and then they compare it to our current sun. That's insane. And it's just unfathomably big. It's insane. One of the cool, I guess it's a demo.

It's an application on the VR thing I've got on the HTC Vive. You can go into space and generate planets and send them into orbit. And you're just standing in the middle of it. And you can make that out like Alpha Centauri star and then watch what it looks like when you send the Earth around it and then they explode into each other and you can just keep making them pop up and whatever. You just stand there for hours.

It's super cool looking. Wow. God damn. Universe sandbox. My girlfriend's super into science and conspiracy things and stuff so this is literally all we talk about. Well I think that you're going to get to a point where virtual reality is going to be able to recreate a journey through space like in HD.

Oh, yeah. If they can figure out a way to take really good photos, like some of the more recent photos they've been able to take with those satellites that they launch into space, the incredible detail of all these different planets. I mean, to be able to do that, like to put on one of those htc vibes and to fly through space insane and just feel what it would be like to circle jupiter and like look down at it you know that's something you get lost in for

oh i would love to do just weed and mushrooms on that that'd be crazy you might not even need it dude that's true you might go into a natural psychedelic state. If you could, if you could get something where you could in a float tank, put on an HTC Vive and go for real, right. And go flying through like the rings of Saturn and to be like that close and to have like the correct, whoa, watch this incredible moment. to have like the correct, whoa, watch this incredible moment. An Indian rocket releases over 100 satellites into space in a new world record. What? See, that's another thing.

Space junk. 88 of them are going to try to take a picture of Earth every single day. Oh my God. It seems like they're trying to do exactly almost what you're trying to talk about right there. It seems like they're trying to do exactly almost what you're trying to talk about right there. Did you see there was some sort of a plan to collect space junk that failed? Did you hear about that? I didn't hear about it. Oh, yeah. Space Japanese.

What is it? Japanese. Big net. Yeah. Yeah, space junk's insane. That's funny. That's where the part where we're at is where we got to build something to go collect all the space junk. Yeah, we're crazy.

We left shit floating in the sky above our head. We've got metal. We left metal in the sky above our head. Oh, it failed? That's great. Japanese space junk remover experiment has failed in orbit. What happened to it? Is it saying?

Wait, does that mean that there's more junk now in space? I don't know if they made it back and couldn't catch it. The system designed by a Japanese space agency and a fishing net company should have unfurled a 700-meter tether from space station resupply vehicle that was returning to Earth, according to JAXA scientists. However, the system appears to have faltered. Space junk is a growing problem in low Earth orbit since the beginning of the space age. Debris as small as flecks of paint, wow, and large as whole satellites and parts of rocket boosters have been accumulating and it is estimated that over 100 million individual pieces of junk,

tens of thousands of pieces that are over 10 centimeters in size, are whizzing around our planet. What? That's like moving shrapnel. Oh my God. We're so crazy. Oh my God. We're so crazy. It's insane.

People are so bananas. They just keep launching new shit up there. They're like, whoop, it's fucked already. Let's launch a hundred more new ones. How many, didn't Elon Musk say they want to launch like a crazy number of SpaceX launches?

Like one a month or one every week? Are they leaving debris in space too? I don't know. I'm not sure. They're bringing the thing back so maybe not. If you can get something that you can shoot up there and then bring back. Would you go to space? If you could? Fuck you. If it was just like up top

and then come right back down. I had a whole joke about that. I go, look up. You're already in space. Going out there is like just going to a shittier neighborhood. You want to check out the shittier neighborhood? You get in planes all the time. What if I just went a little higher? Yeah, exactly. Well, it doesn't. That's why I get in planes.

Fuck you. I think there's going to get to a point where the planes to get to places faster, they're going to use the orbit and go up high and then come right back down. Or you smoke a joint, go to Joshua Tree and lay on your back and you realize you are already in space. You're already here. We're in

space. We're just in the best possible neighborhood. Let's just be thankful. Just be super lucky that we're here. We don't want to shit out on the moon where there's no air. That's true. Yeah, man. I mean, you like extreme stuff. You wouldn't want to just see what it was like? Fuck you. I don't like things

that'll definitely kill you. Going into space can definitely kill you. Oh, absolutely. It goes wrong a lot. It goes wrong a lot on those folks. I'm terrified of heights, so I'll probably never go. That movie, Gravity. That movie freaked me the fuck out.

I'm just sitting there going, Jesus, get back down there. Get down. Get down to Earth. Get down there. That anxiety is so real. It's perfect. Get the fuck out of there. You're floating in space. You hear things crash together, but they don't make any sound.

Or you see them crash together, but there's no sound. That was a freaky part of that movie where there's no sound in space because there's no oxygen. There's no air. There's nothing to carry it. There's nothing. There's no atmosphere. You don't hear it.

Does that make sense though yeah also just real quick on that jack the asteroid that hit jupiter it wasn't the size of earth the explosion was the size of earth wow however difference that makes but oh yeah no the explosion was the size of us yeah i think we said that i'm pretty sure i'm just making sure yeah yeah i don't think the asteroid was the size of Earth. Because if it was a big, that would be like another planet flying around, right? Yeah. Well, that has happened, though. That's what we're saying. I don't know.

I mean, who knows how often it does happen. But they think that's how, what we're saying before, that the, that's, see if you could find that. Earth 1 and Earth 2. I think that's what they're saying, that that was the most recent theory of how the moon was created. That the moon is actually made out of the same shit that we're made out of just dead as fuck floating in the sky our brother it's our

dead brother floating over our head every day but he's only like 10 that's why he's so little it's like the one that's still attached to us oh dude i mean that is what it's like right yeah that could be us that could be us we're so lucky. That's why we gotta work hard. We're bitching and complaining. It's weird times. Yeah. Because all this information, like, I'm sure was probably around

when my parents were my age, but in order to go get it, you had to do a lot of traveling, you had to read books, you had to, you had to go to school, you had to, like,

you couldn't just Google it. No, everything's so readily available now.'t you think like for comics this is like the best time ever for creating material absolutely that's why it's like i mean i talk about trump and stuff all the time but it's like i've never seen you know a president that's just given us so much stuff to work with a comic said this to me uh he was like he was like i'm not gonna write any trump jokes i was like why not? And he's like, because that dude's doing funnier shit than anything I'll ever be able to write. I feel bad about it.

It doesn't feel, this is my feeling. It doesn't feel like everybody's happy. No, everyone's not happy. And when people aren't happy on both sides, like there seems to be all this fucking. It seems super tense right now. And when people aren't happy on both sides, like there seems to be all this fucking. Yeah. It seems super tense right now. No, I think we were talking about this earlier. No one's willing to listen and learn.

Everyone's just willing to shout as loud as possible. Yeah. People just got to be nice. Yeah. And that's why I like doing stand up about it. Because it's like if I can make both sides laugh at this, the stupid things I'm saying, then they're in a way agreeing with me and then in a way can hopefully learn a little bit different.

Yeah. I think we're too much of a bunch of babies to have a left side and the right side. Yes. I think we're too, we're too much of babies. We're, we're squawking too much.

Yeah. You know, I think if we could figure out a way to get rid of that, that whole, that whole inclination to want a left and a right, that whole inclination. It just seems to me that it's just so easy to pick a team and to get locked into that team's mindset, locked into that team's goals, locked into that team's ideology. Say the shit that the other people in the team... I see so many people that write their tweets now, and afterwards they write sad. So funny.

It's hilarious. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of funny in an ironic way, if they mean it ironically. It's funny. But it's really funny when they don't mean it ironically. Yeah, yeah. When they're, like, mimicking the way Trump tweets. Yeah.

I see it. It's so common now. Yeah. When they're mimicking the way Trump tweets. Yeah. I see it. It's so common now. Sad. We got a president that tweets. I know. It's amazing. I mean, Obama did too. Hope he doesn't tweet about us.

I know, right? Shit. They don't know what the fuck they're talking about. That was taken out of context. That's a bad Trump impression. He's like, Matthew Burchard should have won. He has a... What is this?

This is what I could find on that Earth. Giant impact creates moon. The scientist's theory on a giant impact model seeking to explain the moon's creation. Experts believe that an object that crashed into Earth led to debris that later formed the moon. New theory says an incident also created a smaller second moon. Whoa.

Where's that? Yeah, it said these two moons right here. It says they collided to create what we see now. Oh, Jesus Christ. Whoa. Where's that? Yeah, it said these two moons right here. It says they collided to create what we see now. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. It was really hard finding stuff on this. Earth 1, Earth 2 stuff really brings up just a lot of stuff on DC. Wow. How would they figure these fucking people

are so goddamn smart? Look at this. Their theory also says the slow impact forced most of the smaller moon to attach to the side of the moon as a thick new layer of the lunar crust. How the fuck did you figure that out? They're destined to collide. There's no way out.

Yeah. You should freak out, folks. Everyone should freak out. And then let's relax. Oh, yikes. This is what's the most important thing to realize. No matter what, we're in space. No matter what.

No matter what you're saying. The reality of what you're looking at what you're focusing on if you look close to your your neighborhood or your your your city or your your country all of it is taking place in this ball hurling through infinity yes like that is it's all figurative we we're creating all of these social constructs. Well, they're there. You got to deal with them. I mean,

you got to deal with the consequences of, you know, assholes that fuck things up over here. Yeah. These Hitler fellows, you know, when you get a Hitler, you really got to do something about it.

You know, he's not going to, he's going to, you can't just hug it out of him. No, no. Do you think he gets impeached? Well, I'm not saying he's not gonna skin a can't just hug it out of him. No, no Do you think he gets impeached? Well, I'm not saying he's Hitler. Oh, I was actually talking about Hitler

Yeah, I wasn't talking about hit like like what people call other people hit. He's like Hitler I never use that term and I don't think he is like Hitler. No, no, he's don't because he's not killing people and also, you know Hitler's a whole total different no hitler was hitler yeah like it's so it's so stupid i think burr had a bit about it he did he has on his new special have you seen i haven't seen his special it's so great i saw him do the stand-up i need i need to sit down and watch it that was my one of my favorites my favorite is watching him pop into the store and do it and i watched him do that bit and it's such a funny bit because he's got a great point. Yeah, he definitely does. And I think it's a tired

word now. It is. And no one's going to bring that fucking mustache back though. I'll do it. You think so? I'll bring it back. No. Ari did it once. Wore it on stage. People were so angry at him. He's like, I'm a Jew. I can do it. I have a Jew pass.

It's so funny. It's funny the things that we find offensive. Yeah. It's a weird time for that. Yeah, it is. People are getting really upset at people talking about pretty much any subject that isn't about them as an individual. And then if you do a subject, if you're a white man, you should be writing entirely about what a white man does. Period. That's it. Just about white men. And even then you shouldn't be doing it because you should shut the fuck up.

Nah, man. Yeah. Nah, I'm one of those things like you can say whatever you can. I believe in freedom of speech more than anything, but I also believe that you have to deal with the consequences of what you say. Fuck yeah. But it's also like we have to stop looking at each other as groups. Yeah. You know, as white men as groups, as white women as groups. It's silly. We're just a bunch of fucking people. We got to stop looking at each other as these groups

based on what we look like or what part of the country we're in. And that's eventually going to move to other countries. It's just going to take time. I just wonder when, you know, because the kind of relationship that we Have with each other all piled in together in a city like this and living so comfortably and for the most part like Relatively low crime even in a place like Los Angeles if you really consider it. Yeah that never existed in history This is a new thing. So people get better at life. They get better at figuring it out I think we're better now than ever before even though we still fuck it up Yeah, but we're we're real close to one day recognizing other countries just like states

Yeah, just like you know like you could just pack up moved, Florida You know there's there's gonna be situations like that where people just go all over the world and go wherever they want Yeah, it's gonna be weird. It's gonna be I mean it's also just progress someone said is like Progresses measured generate earth by tombstone by tombstone. Yeah. Does that make sense? It's true. It's like I look at my grandfather and like he's, I love him to death.

And he was an immigrant to this country and he felt a certain way around, about other people and races. And it was one of those things where I was like, I growing up, growing up around that, I realized it's like, oh, that's just kind of the way he thinks. I don't have to think that way. Right. I can treat people nice and be cool with everybody. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that's more apparent now than ever before. Yeah. I think people are more aware of the similarities that we all share versus the differences more than ever before. And people are more vocal i think anytime in my life that i can remember i'm sure that during the civil rights movement people were very vocal about racial racial rights and uh you know when uh putting out or stomping out racial hatred but i don't remember it being like as much in the public forum as it is during the last like say

like maybe 10 years or so it seems like the have, they're much more organized in their ability to protest, to educate people, to explain things, to show things that people might not have been aware of before. I think it's a lot of just social media and just the internet and having all that just readily more available. Yeah, there's definitely that. I think people arguing and having these conversations are super important, even if they do get shouty and stuff, because I think that's how you learn is you have to have these awkward, hard conversations. Yeah, and it's really hard.

It's hard to think that every time you buy anything, anytime you do any kind of interacting with someone, a lot of the stuff that you're getting is coming from places where people live hard lives. Yeah. Like really hard lives. Yes. And people argue, well, hey, we've talked about this recently. They're like, well, hey, that's how countries grow and prosper. And they have to start out this way, and they have this revolution, industrial revolution, and all these people,

they start manufacturing things. The status of life goes up. The quality of life goes up. You're living much better than they ever lived before. Yeah, but they don't live like us. Yeah. Right? That's okay? Yeah, yeah Yeah, but they don't live like us. Yeah. Right? Is that, that's okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, they went from mud huts to straw or whatever's a better comparison. Well, we were talking about those Foxconn employees. Oh, yeah, yeah. Those folks that work and make iPhones. Oh.

That jump off the roof so much that they have to put nets in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. Those people are stuck in terrible jobs. Tell me that when you read a history book a thousand years from now, and they talk about what kind of barbarians we are in 2017, they will start to talk about the rise of the machine.

Oh, absolutely. And they will talk about the cell phone. And they were like, the people coveted the cell phone so much that they found a way to compartmentalize their ideas about slave labor to the point where these people worked 16 hours a day in a gigantic concrete structure making their beloved phones. And they hated their job so much and they jumped off the building so much they put nets around the building. But the people kept buying phones. But didn't they have enough phones already? They did! They did. They didn't care. They wanted better phones.

New phones. Hire more jumpers. Different features, but the same. Isn't that what the pyramids maybe we think kind of are? They were potentially created by slave labor, and they were worshipped things for ideally like a religion type thing. I think they used to think it was slave labor. I know we don't know for sure. Yeah, but I think they used to think it was slave labor. I know we don't know for sure. Yeah, but I think they don't think that now.

I think the most recent theory is that they were very skilled workers because of the food that they got. Yeah, they were almost like praised because of the craftsmanship they could do. Go back to the ancient Greece or ancient Rome and their giant places of worship, their gods and whatnot. I'm sure those were made by regular workers. You're right. But here's the thing.

Like those things were like really like art. I think we look at buildings a little bit different when we think about like someone being forced to build something. Yeah. We think of the person who's being forced to build it as being like a low paid worker. Whereas in those environments, that person might have been a goddamn superstar. Oh, yeah. Like a guy who could build a marble coliseum. You know, guys who are building those pillars. worker whereas in those environments that person might have been a goddamn superstar oh yeah like a guy who could build a marble coliseum you know guys who are building those pillars yeah people

who are figuring out how to stack these gigantic stones perfectly on top of each other and make stone pillars how the fuck did they figure that out so i mean the smart guy wasn't lifting it he was telling all the rest of the guys yeah maybe get it up. Yeah, I believe that. Maybe yes, but maybe they were all together. Maybe, maybe. I think more likely you had a lot of smart people, and then you had a few like Leonardo da Vinci's who were fucking super geniuses who had figured out a bunch of crazy shit and was designing things and drawing things. And these people were just like these rare blips of like superpower creativity

that exist all throughout history, and they propel us forward yeah like who I think yeah sure he's one of those kind of guys yeah Da Vinci I can't remember which artist it was but they had they would make all these ideas and they'd have like their understudies or

people that were almost as skilled as them do these things and make them yeah I mean I think that's what happened with the pyramids and stuff. They probably had these people that were planning, but you also still need skilled workers to build these. Yeah. I think, well, particularly with something like the pyramids, there's a tremendous amount of math involved.

And they're all doing this somehow or another when they didn't even have steel. No. They supposedly had copper tools, and they figured out some way to grind these stones so perfectly they just sit on top of each other, just completely flat, level. Barely stick a card in the crease. When I was looking up the stuff on the Foxconn factories, I remember it said the reason why, or at least that was their argument, why they weren't in America is because they had upwards of 30,000

mechanical engineers and electronic engineers at the ready. So those would be your skilled workers. Right. And there's still our slave laborers underneath them. Yeah. But those are the extra people that maybe that's why it's not happening here. That makes sense because I guess with something like that, where the demand is so high and the quality and the standard so high,

like iPhones, say what you want about iPhones. I've dropped this fucking stupid thing seven or eight times. It works great. You know, I love this thing to death. They've dropped this fucking stupid thing seven or eight times. It works great. You know? I love this thing to death. They can take a beating, man. It's crazy.

They can take a fucking beating. These things are weird. When these things take over, I think it's going to be an Apple robot that takes over. I'm resisting that watch, but it's looking tempting. It tells you your heart rate. I bought my girlfriend one, and she loves it, and I just, I don't want to be. Those headphones are going to be great. The new iPhone's going to be cool, and they announce it soon.

God damn it, stop. You can't stop. Get back on your work duty. Make the machine. You know, these people are having romances, connected to each other, looking at each other through glass, where they're wearing goggles and they're making phones. It's the only socializing they get to do. Do you think we might have a bounce back moment

where it rebounds a little bit? Mumford and Sons take over? Not like that, but there might be a day where we see if next week happens, we can stop it, but we need to stop all of our jobs from being taken. We're fucked. No, we're already done. Just drinking out of mason jars and wearing fucking suede boots.

That shit. You're just resisting the inevitable, sir. Oh, my God. You do not need a fiddle in the woods. You're on the porch with a fiddle with your friends, non-ironically singing together in perfect tune. How dare you? You're not going to stop the rock.

It's headed this way. That music might. No. Going. How many thousand feet did we figure out? 10 miles a second. Oh,

Jesus Christ. I can't even comprehend how fast that is. It makes my whole body hurt. Just hearing, just hearing that, I just like go limp. Like,

oh, oh, oh. I remember I was living in San Jose when I found out. I remember it was like, I had really great science teacher and it would just blow my mind all the time. And I remember I was living in San Jose when I found out. I remember it was like I had a really great science teacher, and it would just blow my mind all the time.

And I remember listening to him, and he was talking about how when you look at stars, you're actually looking in the past technically. Wow. Because the light's just hitting us. It's taking so long to travel. This is something that's happened a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah.

And when they look deeper and deeper into the universe, they're literally looking into like a time machine. That's so insane. long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. And when they look deeper and deeper into the universe, they're literally looking into like a time machine. Yeah. That's so insane. In my mind. Ugh. Great.

It's just hard. It's hard for your stupid little head to figure out what these people figured out and how they all had to agree on it. Okay. I know this is going to sound crazy, but what I'm thinking is when we're looking at those stars, we're looking back in time. Like, that's what I was going to say, but it sounded too crazy. Okay, are we right?

Are we right? Let's look at this. Let's look at this and get the pads out and start fucking- Like, calculate it? Calculating it. Like, okay, when do we go public with this? I think we're good. I think we're locked in.

We have discovered that the Earth is 4.7 billion years old. And people are just telling us these calculations like we're waking up in the middle of this trip. It's like we are literally on a spaceship, and the spaceship is hurling towards somewhere, and in the middle of this waking up, we have to learn how to speak. We have to learn how to remember to write things down

that we've already figured out. We have to be able to save those things, send them down to the next people so they don't have to figure it out on their own, and then the next people, the next people, everybody work together, and while this is happening, you're waking up in the middle of a spaceship, and it's flying. It's like a sci-fi movie. It is a sci-fi

movie. It literally is what's happening. Think about how much information has been lost throughout time. Yeah, right? Like the pyramids. That's a perfect example. The Great Pyramid of Giza, if you look at all those insane photographs, when they do those 3Ds, when they go over it with a drone and film it, and you just look at it, you

go, that is an insane accomplishment. I can't imagine what it feels like to be there in real life. I wish it wasn't such a sketchy part of the world right now. I know. I would like to go over there. I mean, I'll be fine. I just got to grow the beard out a little bit longer and be quiet. Dude, you would slip right in.

Have a nice one of them little hats. Oh, my God. Those little white hats with the lingerie style. I wouldn't get back in, but I would totally, totally be able to chill. You'd slip right in, bro. No problem, man. Let that hair get just a little bit scragglier in your beard. You're good.

Yeah, man. And just talk like you've got a sore throat. I can't talk. No, yeah, yeah. I can't talk. That's one of the jokes that I'm doing now that I really had fun with, which is the idea of me getting deported and going back to Mexico and having just to be quiet the whole time.

Because you can't speak Spanish? Because I can't speak Spanish, and I can't let them know know does that piss off some mexicans some mexican americans you can't speak spanish in san jose it did a little bit growing up some well older mexicans because it's like they look at me and they're just like oh god what have we done you know what i mean like at what cost is our freedom and our dreams but it's it's kind of well i didn't learn because there was a moment for my grandparents my mom my dad where it was like we don't want him to we don't people to know he's you know His spent like because it was like almost looked down upon that He's like you're speaking Spanish and right you have to speak English blah blah

But now it's the point where it's like it's much more of a benefit to learn multiple languages Well, I would think if you were a guy who could speak Spanish, you could work in all sorts of different countries in South America, too. Oh, yeah. You know? What the fuck? Is there a leak? We just had a serious leak, ladies and gentlemen.

Hilarious. It's hitting the ceiling, huh? Yeah, we had a serious leak ladies and gentlemen hilarious it's going it's hitting the ceiling yeah we had a serious leak in our building it's fucking raining cats and dogs out there making this building wet uh are we in trouble i don't know where it depends where it is what if it hits electricity you're saying i don't know should we get the fuck out of here i don't know holy shit i told you i'm not good with electricity once it hits that level of uh whatever well whatever happened it seems to me like water pooled up somewhere and then released it sounds like it's right above us on that i don't know where if there's electronic wires up there or whatnot or how it could have came in or what it could probably

look the drama that'd be that'd be a great credit just to die on Joe Rogan's podcast. Dude, don't die. I won't. We can avoid this disaster. Again, the sky is letting us know that we have no control of the future. The universe is like, you guys got to stop talking about asteroids. Get too close. The universe is like, listen, bitch, you got your own problems to worry about. How about this fucking water from the sky? You need water?

It's all the fucking water some mexicans are a lot more mexicans are cool than now when they meet me because they're just like they're proud it's a sense of pride like a lot of magazines san jose hit me up like a lot of young kids after i won like hit me up they're like yeah fuck yeah san jose blah blah and they're like you know i want to do stand-up and they asked me for advice and i just you know just tell them man just do mics and shit yeah no you you're in a great position right now as being a guy who's successful. Uh-oh, Jamie's going to go look. You got your rubber gloves?

No, I'm just going to look at the water coming in. Uh-oh. We got a serious situation here, ladies and gentlemen. Right here. She's right by a light. Okay. It's not good. It's not good.

Hmm. Want to shut that light off No, don't do that. You don't want to talk in the dark. Let's just see what happens. I Feel good about this I do too. Yeah, it's just a leak Just with the water pouring down on us So they're what they're evacuating parts of Northern California, correct? I think that was... I think it was a notification in case there's road clos... It's probably because we're near some of the hills.

In case you're in an area where your roads could be closed or there's a mudslide, where to go. Be ready to leave in case you have to or something. Dude, I went down Laurel and there was a house that fell off the side of the cliff. Driving and watching, like looking at those houses, just, it's, I get anxiety. Yeah. Just watching those houses. They had a giant back porch and it just broke off and slid down the side of the hill. Imagine just being that guy that like made so much money that you were like, finally, I get to enjoy my porch.

It's raining. I get to look at all the Hollywood hills. I've worked so hard. And then it's just like. Dude, that's like a life-changing disaster. Like, when your house breaks and slides down a hill, that will change your fucking life. There was a whole house that slid down the hill. You hear it again, Jamie?

Ooh, it's coming down hard. I hear it outside, I don't hear it coming in anymore. Oh, I heard like another... There's a couple drips, but I think they stopped. What were we just talking about about i'm so big med slide house oh a house on um uh was it on topanga no it was on laurel it was on laurel coming up over laurel canyon i don't know if you were here like four or five years ago there was a house that slid off the side of the hill wow and you could drive by it you see the house like it wasn't like that

much of a hill either i mean you know it's decent but whatever was behind it was the problem it like kind of pushed it forward like the the ground broke loose above it and pushed it forward and there was like a big ass lawsuit and lasted forever but i would always drive by looking at that place going this is this is supposed to happen like this. Like the earth, it shifts constantly. Like our idea that we could just pitch a tent forever. And be fine. It's fucking ridiculous. Earth's crust is not that deep, right?

Not deep enough for my taste. Exactly. You know what I mean? It's just lava at the bottom of it. Yeah, yeah. I think it's, I'm probably going to say something real stupid. Look how it's like seven miles deep, but I feel like it's not that deep. Yeah, I don't think it's that much more than that.

I know there was this mining operation. I'd like to find out what the exact number is. There was some mining operation that they were doing this article about. How many miles is it, Jamie? What's that? Crust. Initially,

I hit the radius. It says about 4,000 miles, but that's the radius. Average is about 18 miles under the continents, but it's only about three miles under the ocean. Whoa. That's only about three miles under the ocean? And then lava? That's how, like, Hawaii gets brought up. God damn.

I don't think that's deep enough for me. That seems weird. We're like, there's a ball of lava under our feet. Jesus Christ. Yeah, we're just the crust over the sun yeah man that's not good there was uh some article i was saying that i read about a mining operation where they were talking about how warm it got as you got lower and lower deeper and deeper into the earth that you could literally feel the heat of the fucking lava that these assholes are drilling next to. How quick? Dude, you hit wrong ones.

Oh, God. You hit wrong. I can't even speak. You hit one wrong vein. Yeah. Oh, that's terrifying. I wonder if they have that down to a science. Obviously, they do.

But do they know exactly that they're never going to drill a hole into the lava and have it spew out through the top like a zit there's got to be mistakes have been made did you imagine if that happened can you imagine if these guys were like trying to get more diamonds like there's like there's more diamonds there but here's the deal uh foot past the diamonds is the center of the fucking earth yeah so don't drill too we're gonna have to wear spacesuits that won't allow you to use your hands so everything's gonna be done on a keypad. You're going to have the iPad strapped to you and you're going to have to program it like

this. And they'll try to suck the last diamond out and then they'll see the bubble of red where that last diamond hole was. And then that's the last thing they see is the explosion as that hot lava shoots past them like a broken fire hydrant. Just

boom! And right out of the surface of the earth just sprays lava into the sky this for years and years there's probably one chick who's just like I want that time yeah that's the diamond that killed everybody and I need it for you to show me you love me there's a person like that out there you know know there are. Oh, absolutely. Don't get mad. Sexual stereotypes are disgusting and wrong for everybody.

I'm looking at diamonds right now. Actually, not diamonds, but an emerald. Dude, engagement rings are brutality. Oh, my God. You know those goddamn things aren't even worth anything? Yeah, they're...

Well, they are definitely because people buy it. But the reason why people buy it for so much is because they've stockpiled all these fucking diamonds and they control the price. Yeah, exactly. It's amazing. It's so smart.

You've got to give it up for the Jews. Give it up. Strong marketing strategy. Are they the Jews that run the diamonds? It's not a bad thing to say. People would say that that's racist. I'll tell you it's not racist if it's a positive quality. They're awesome at business.

How is that racist? Why was everybody so sensitive that you can't even say something in jest about a person's positive attributes? Yeah. And people think you're racist. Oh, you said the Jews are good about business. What? That's a good thing. It's a good thing to be good with business.

You fuckhead. My uncle, when I told him I had an agent, he was just like, I have of advice to give you and he was like he was like what he was like what kind of manager you have i was like oh he's like uh it's with this company he's like no no like what you know and i was like oh he's jewish and he was like good job that's a good move and i was like what i know the business that was yeah that was all he said to me i was like that's the weirdest thing that was so funny to me it's's a weird thing, Jewish folks, because especially like European Jews, there's more Nobel prize winning European Jews than I think anybody. It's really weird. Like there's a pillar of science or just a pillar of, pillar's

not a good word, a collective of incredible minds that have come out of European Jews for some strange reason. I feel like they're all hilarious too. European Jews? Really?

Yeah. Like name one. No I'm just kidding. What are you saying? Oh why I was just saying Smoke yourself a tartar son. What in the fuck? You keep going huh?

You're one of those keep going dudes. Oh yeah I love smoking weed. You don't just take the high And say this is it I'm good No Just ride it out

Yeah I love riding it out Were you a big stoner Growing up No No not until I was 30 Oh Yeah What would you say Jamie

When you're talking about diamonds Have you ever seen the People that dig for like Diamond dust and gold dust In the streets of New York That like I don't know exactly What street it is

But you know there's like That area The diamond area Yeah where they're all like doing exchanges and whatnot. When, uh, they're looking at them in their car and whatnot, dust gets on their pants and little, little flecks fall off and they get into the street and into the dust. And here's like a, here's a video. There's a guy that makes probably more people that do it now, obviously, but like they just dig through the dirt and the dust and the street cracks and whatnot.

And they can take it home and they can find hundreds or thousands of dollars worth of like diamond dust and gold dust and diamond flex and i'm sure occasionally they fuck they get like really lucky and find a whole one what oh they're like it's just based off of that's where all of it is happening on like that one block in new york They're panning. Oh, that's insane. Yeah, old school panning, yeah. That's insane. They're panning for gold in front of these diamond stores. That's probably not what they found there, but... Wow. Yeah, I heard about this a couple years ago,

and I just thought maybe you'd heard about it since you lived there before. Dude, well, I never lived in Manhattan. I lived in New Rochelle. I couldn't afford to live in Manhattan. That's amazing, though. I've always wanted to move to New York. New York's crazy, But when I was living there, I was Poe and I couldn't afford the parking. Cause if you have a, if you, I would have had to get a really shitty

apartment. I have my apartment in New York. Shell is pretty shitty too, but I would have had to get a parking spot and you have to pay every month. Whoa. I didn't know that. Yeah. It could be a lot of money too. Like thousands of dollars. Oh, that's insane. Yes. I mean, that's as high as it could go. I wonder what like a good, what's a good monthly rate for parking in a parking structure in New York City? It's pretty, I've heard comics talk about it. It's pretty ridiculous. So a lot of them don't keep cars because now you can just Uber anywhere you want. Yeah. Take cabs and go all over the city. But back in the day, if you wanted to live there and you wanted to do road trips, you had to have a place to keep your car.

And it was like insurmountable for me. It was just, there's no way it was something like at my, in my day, I remember it being like something like $700 a month just to park your car. Wow. Yeah. And I was like,

what? Even then there's just so much traffic in New York. Yeah. And this is back when I was making like $350 a week on average, you know, so it's ridiculous. It's probably less than that now, but there's different areas. It looks like it's anywhere from $300 plus up, $375. There's different garages now. Interesting. So you can get it as low as $300. Yeah. I'm finding some that say $250. What's an expensive one? The ones that I saw saw that were cheaper they stack you on top of

each other i don't know if you've ever seen that that's really nuts yeah i remember it was 700 bucks what do you mean stack on top of each other they stick them into these uh machines and the machines lift up and then another uh car gets driven in the machine continues to lift up and so like you have to drive the cars out and then bring the thing down and drive that car out and bring the thing down. And you might have to do that with like three or four cars.

Look at that. Look. Yo, that's fucking crazy. That's crazy. That sounds terrible. It is so crazy that they could do that. So this is the way they save space and stack cars.

And it actually does work, but Jesus Christ, how weird is that? They have your car up. I mean, tell me one of these guys who works there can't fuck up one day.

People fuck things up, man. Yeah, there's got to be an accident that's happened. People fuck things up. You know a car's fallen off that thing and landed on someone's head. For sure, right?

That's had to have happened, don't you think? Absolutely. It's ridiculous. I've seen valet drivers. Yeah. Well, maybe I was wrong about how much it costs, or maybe I had a very expensive one near me,

or maybe it's because they stacked them, they could do it for 300 bucks. But whatever the amount was, I don't remember what it was. I didn't make any fucking money back then, so there's no way it was going to work. Were you serving back then? No, back then, when I lived in New Rochelle, it was my first attempt at Were you serving back then? Uh, no, back then I was, that was my, when I lived in New Rochelle was my, my first attempt at living off standup. That was my first

actual attempt where, um, before I'd always had day jobs at a day job driving limos. I had a day job delivering newspapers. And so then I went from there to, uh, to New York. And when I went to New York, it was just like almost making money doing stand-up, like almost, almost like some months. Ah, I made it this month. Next month, fuck, I don't have any gigs. You know, it was like almost being able to pull it off. So whatever the amount for parking

and then living in New York City. Plus, the thing about New York City is New York's amazing, and it's incredible that you can hop around and go from club to club to club. But it was harder at the time, least to do long sets so i wanted to do like sets that prepare me for headlining on the road i wanted to like keep doing that set like even during the weekday so i just try to get it stronger and do it all as a whole and that was really only available on the road for a guy like me you you know? I feel like that's kind of where I'm at now. It's like, I don't, I can find,

this is the first month I was ever able to pay like my bills and everything off of standup. And that's a, it was a great feeling. Dude, you're at the launching pad. Well, I mean, I just gotta be smart about it. Cause I mean, now that I have money, that's all just going to rent. So I can afford to be on the road and to build that time to where I can, you know, feature regularly. Yeah. And then make that money.

Yeah, man. It's all for you right now about writing new shit. Yeah. That's it. And I'm so excited about doing it. Hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling. Yeah, it's cool. It's a really interesting time for you.

But that's a great feeling, when you to be for you too i mean that moment when you were able to just live off stand-up it was scary i didn't think i was gonna make it i was bombing a lot too yeah i was eating a lot of dick every every other show something would go wrong i go down hard i mean i got my girl with me so it's real it's yeah it's a when your girl sees you bomb that's rough yeah it is oh she's seen me bomb rough on the ego uh she was cool though because she has that support system where she'd like she'd be like yeah you need to work harder but she knows i'm funny yeah right now it's finally paying off for her too well you could be a hard worker and not be funny oh yeah that that's that's a problem you know it's when the the person is

funny and is a hard worker you know that's like the which you would try to maintain you try to maintain that balance but a lot of times you get either or you know but that's the case with everything it's dripping hard here man i keep hearing that behind me i'm scared yeah it's um it's cool though, dude. Are you enjoying it? I'm loving it, man. It's, it's fun. I've never, I mean.

Do you feel, do you feel certain about everything? Do you feel anxious? Like how do you feel about like the future? You feel excited? Do you feel? I feel really excited. Cause I don't feel, the only reason I'd feel anxious if I knew that I couldn't do it. Now it's like, for me, it's like, I think of it like this I've worked so hard I've worked so many jobs I've worked so many things to get this opportunity so why would I squander it you

know what I mean it's like if I've worked so hard now why wouldn't I keep working harder that's the perfect attitude but I'm also like I'm not gonna be one of those guys that's like you know oh I'm a headliner now because I'm not yeah that's good too man stand up but you could you know like a little of that like tony hinchcliffe's got a lot of that in him but it's also why tony hinchcliffe's so fucking funny you know he he rides it out and he does it the right way tony hinchcliffe's a funny motherfucker tony hinchcliffe's a mentor of mine man i mean he was one of the first guys i talked to before when i had my first roast battle, he's another dude that fucking hustles. Exactly.

Tony hustles. He's always hustling. That kid works hard. He's very impressive in that way. Mm-hmm. He's a bad motherfucker. He is. And he's always writing new shit.

Yeah, he is. Always. Constantly. There was a picture you posted of him when I was, remember when I was younger in comedy. I don't know if I'd worked here at the time. I think I had. I think I was a door guy. And you'd post a picture of him.

It was right after you guys did a set, and you'd posted a picture of him on the plane writing new jokes already, and you were just like, this guy just did a set, blah, blah, and he's already writing new jokes. Yeah, he always... Tony writes constantly.

I think you have to. He can't commit to a laptop, though. He's got this stupid setup where he has an iPad and this little fake keyboard. I think he just got one. Oh, finally. Welcome to 2017.

Yeah, he would say, I don't even need it. I go, you can't even store anything on this piece of shit. What are you doing here? You can't even put a file on your desktop. Stop pretending that's a computer. Get a goddamn computer. Fuck. It's weird, right?

People and their iPads. He was a door guy. Yep, exactly. Yeah. I mean, he's one of the best examples of a recent graduate because he wasn't a door guy that long ago. No, not at all. Tony's always had his fucking nose to the grindstone.

But really smart about it, too. Really good with taking apart his act, retrying things in a different order, slipping new stuff in there. It's cool, too, as a guy like you, as you're getting everything going and working at a place like the comic stores, you get to see a bunch of different ways people do it. Yeah.

Which is really like that main room show on a Saturday night when you're getting to see you know five six seven headliners in a row and you get to see what's the difference in how they handle things and how they set things up the nine o'clock spot the 9 15 the 9 30 the 9 45 you're getting like this crazy education and stand up yeah i mean i watch people i mean it's cool because i've got to see the different careers and paths of people like watching Brian Moses go from a door guy to the host of his own show that he created along with a lot of great people in the LA community. And just to see him do that and to see where his career is going and also to see Tony, same thing, his career and just the path he's taking. And, you know, he also, you know, used to write for Jeff Ross and all these things.

And, you know, I got to ghost write too, send jokes in. That was something he also taught me about was that he was just like, you know what, he was just like, there's nothing. He's like, when you know those roasts are coming, he's like, you've already done the roast battle. He's like, just start pitching jokes. Just ask, you know what I mean? And I did, and that's, I think, what also helped get me on the radar.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it is beautiful to see a guy like Moses get to host a show too. He's such a good dude. He is, uh, one of the best dudes. Uh, and I owe so much to that guy cause he was the one that pushed for me getting a job. He was the one from that's really had my back since day one. Um, I, there's, there was a few times where just me being a young guy and having a bitterness, like when Montre, when roast battle first went to montreal i was like you know just young and bitter and because i was like oh i'm not going why you know blah blah blah i work on the show and i almost quit and then moses was if he wasn't like a big brother he like took a person was just

like nah man stop fucking being a bitch you know he's like you can either get mad or work and get better and I did I Stayed and I just kept battling I kept doing stand-up and then the opportunity came and I knocked it out of the park Yeah, dude, you killed it and you killed it at the perfect time So now the launching pad of crank Castillo And but it's funny song I couldn't have done it without all those guys, you know No, sure you pushing me too. Well all of us together, you know, I couldn't have done it without all those guys, you know?

No, for sure. And also, you pushing me, too. Well, all of us together, you know? I really do, honestly, get inspiration from looking at your Instagram page. For real, I'm not bullshitting at all. I see your Instagram page, I'm like, damn, this kid's hungry. He's out there grinding, you know, constantly doing spots. Those hard spots.

Well, it was you telling me that, too. And also, it was like, just listening to you talk about those light spots. Oh, it was you telling me that too. And also it was like, just listen to you talk about those light spots. Also hearing you talk about having to go up after prior, especially if such a hard time for him and like having to do those things. And it was like five weeks. Yeah, man, that's crazy.

Yeah. It was, it was the sad era of prior when, before he died, he was in real bad shape, but he still wanted to go on stage and he would go on stage and he was under medication you know it's a serious issue he couldn't walk and they would carry him up there and they'd crank the mic like it was so loud it was like hissing in the room and he would you know

he could barely talk and he would drink and it was just real weird you know it was real weird he just he couldn't couldn't really do stand-up anymore. He couldn't really form the sentences with the punchlines, at least not in the sets that I saw. Every one of them that I saw was hard to watch. And I'm a giant Richard Pryor fan. I mean, I think he's probably the all-time number one in my eyes. I think he's number one. If I look back at, like, all the comics and their influence on people

and the honesty that he had i mean without lenny bruce there's no one right but essentially and george carlin plays a giant factor there too there's a lot of guys that play a big factor but i feel like prior was the guy yeah to this day i'll go back and watch his stuff when i go in 1975 this was just genius yeah you look at everything that was going on in 1975. Yeah. He came out. Yeah. As a comic and was just, you know, and that was the thing, like everybody loved Pryor. Everybody.

Black people, white people, people that were rich, people that were poor. Yeah. And that's the thing that I liked the most about him was like, he could talk about these subjects and these jokes and it didn't matter what kind of background he came from, you could relate to him. A hundred percent. what kind of background you came from you could relate to 100 and he was he was uh you know essentially the the godfather of this style of stand-up that both you and i do you know in a lot of ways like without him like what would it have been like back then you know like who else was

like even as remotely as controversial and as insightful and the way he could perform the way he enunciated his words. I mean, he had some fucking bits. God damn. I can't remember which special was, I think it might've been the first one. He like,

it shows him walking out on stage. The lights are still up. People aren't fully sat down at their seats and he just walks in and he's like, all right guys. And he just starts getting them to come in and you're just like, wow. You know? And he just in and he's like, all right, guys. And he just starts getting them to come in and you're just like, wow. You know?

And he just, it's like, I think, I don't know if he gets right into it, but he just, you know, it's seamless. You know? Dude, remember when he would joke about lighting himself on fire? So funny. Right after the Free Basin thing happened. I mean, come on. Who has the balls to joke about lighting themselves on fire from free basin

like uh when peewee herman came back out after that huge thing happened he walks out i think it was like the first thing he was hosting right afterwards or something or presenting and he comes out and he goes it's dead silent people are like just kind of looking at him and it's right after he got caught and stuff and he goes he goes you guys hear of uh any funny jokes lately and it was right at the time that everyone was cracking all those pewy herman jokes about him being the thing and it was just you know someone that can take someone that could be serious and then still humanize themselves in a way like that yeah and i think that's why the roast battle is so cool because it's like you're right yeah yeah learn how to take it too right not just dish it out but take it yeah yeah peewee herman

man that was a really fascinating one because people kind of stood up for him like yeah like leave the fucking guy alone like what no one's angry at peewee herman you don't have to arrest him yeah cut the shit of course he was beaten off It's a bunch of dudes fucking on a 16 foot screen. Yeah, yeah. What did you think was going to happen? You should arrest all the guys that aren't beating off.

Yeah. No shit, right? They're gagging on each other. Fucking pounding each other on the screen and he's not supposed to beat off? What's he supposed to do?

Right? Yeah. Fuck, leave him alone. Who are you saving? You know other dudes in there watching people fuck. Yeah, exactly They feel threatened. I like to watch people fucking hard for him. I just imagine some dude. Yeah I'm here. Just some guys like getting ready and he turns he's like, oh shit Is that oh man? I'm such a fan. you think, that's a crazy thing to say, but do you think that that would be almost like, like watching people have sex in another time, in another culture, in another way could almost be like an art form, almost be like a, an expressive art form. Like if people fucking on stage was like stand up and people went to watch these two people.

People want to see how good you fuck. Oh, that would be hilarious. People do break dancing moves. Like if, if sex wasn't super taboo. Yeah. Yeah.

Like it's entirely possible that people would be fucking in front of each other. Like to show how you do it. Just like how people show how you dance on the dance floor. You dance by yourself. You're fucking doing break dancing and spinning around. Now I just imagine there's just smaller open mic communities of people fucking in front of other people.

It's like, I'm working on this hot fuck move for like a minute, and I just feel like it's going to kill. Dude, this one fuck move, I kick my one leg up and I catch it. Like I'm in standing bow pose, and I just fuck behind. Kills the crowd every time. Could you imagine if there was professional fuck shows and like people got cheered like Tongue-poe and fucking kickboxer that walk out everybody goes crazy. Do you see his hot new hour? He's here. He knows how to fuck Just get a standing ovation while this dude just finished. Yeah, I mean sex is Obviously it's pleasurable,

but it's also there's motion involved. There's a lot of things that we watch with motion involved that other people do that's fascinating, right? Like gymnastics. Gymnastics, there's no, I mean, the only stakes are don't fall on your head because we've seen people do that. Don't break your legs because we've seen people do that. Those stakes are really high.

But other than that, like, you know, why are you really doing that? You're doing it to show how you move. Yeah. You know? My favorite is like, especially with guys like- What is this? This is exactly what you're describing, I think. For real?

Oh, no way. It's a sex festival in Europe. Oh, my God. It's called Salon Erotico de Barcelona. Jesus Christ. I saw this on an article in Vice where someone asked a bunch of people what they were taking. They interviewed people that were taking photos at the thing and what they like to do with their photos and how creepy they are or not creepy.

They all seem pretty creepy. Check this quote out. That's so funny. It's the feeling of, in quotes, I was there, I was inches away from it, I touched it, that makes looking at my own pictures more exciting. All right. Yeah, it's all these guys taking photos of these people having sex.

Yeah. Super up close. I see. It's crazy. That dude's got, these people having sex. Yeah. Super up close. I see. It's crazy. That dude's got like a GoPro. I love it. And like, look how expensive that fucking flash is on his camera. Yeah, but I'm not putting that on YouTube.

Oh, Jesus Christ. What's that? That's what a lot of the photos look like. Just super up close guys just getting way, way close. My favorite is this dude right in the front with the camera. How weird are we? That's so strange. Yeah, but I don't think we're like these guys.

And so people just get together and they, no, I mean just humans collectively as a whole. Oh, yeah. They just get together and watch people fuck. Yeah. Look at this guy's face. That guy's face is the best. Oh, he's indulging. That guy's been, he's been kept from without for so long.

Just the look of joy on some of these guys. Like, I don't think that guy on the left is taking it seriously, but I think this guy on the right is totally taking it seriously. All these people, every single one of them, is just dying for virtual sex to come out. They're just dying. They're just dying for that. That's what's going to change the whole goddamn ballgame, Frank.

They put those virtual HTC Vive goggles on, and they watch sex acts like this. They go there live. They have like sex-offs and shit. Just wait until... I can't wait until my girlfriend catches me with one of those. Sex doll?

No, no. Just like the VR thing. Like I don't hear her come in. Yeah. I'm sure there's plenty of guys that have done that and been caught. Oh, for sure.

There's got to be... Yeah, for sure. Guys are in jail for that. I guarantee you. Something went wrong and it all started off from them jerking off with HTC Vive on. Oh, that's hilarious. And the girl hits him with something and they throw it back at her and she gets knocked

out. I told my girlfriend I wanted to, uh, when I get the, cause I still haven't gotten the prize money, but when I do, uh, I was like, I want to just get it in cash and just throw it at her. So when she gets bruised, she can call the cops and they can be like what happened how did these come up i'm just like it's approximately ten thousand dollars in damage she left yeah taking her to hawaii hawaii is a good spot which island uh? Maui, I think. Maui's awesome. They're all awesome. The big island is crazy because you could actually fly over the volcano.

You can get in one of those helicopters. They'll take you to the place where the volcano empties into the ocean. And it's like creating more island as you fly over. And you're like, whoa. That's insane. Yeah, you sleep weird at night with that knowledge. Yeah, then I could just go at any time. Yeah, you're on the side, that's insane. Yeah, you sleep weird at night with that knowledge. Yeah, then I could just go at any time. Yeah, you're on the side of an active volcano.

Yeah. Those people live there in harmony, though. It's really interesting. I think that being that connected to nature the way they are, because they have the ocean there. And not to say that Hawaiian people don't have their problems, like everybody has their problems. But Hawaiian people have a more relaxed, you know, what they'll call like island style way about them. I think in some way it's probably influenced by the humility that you just naturally get by being so connected to nature. The ocean right there, the mountains right there. It's just like they're so connected to it.

It's insane. They're not, they have never had city blinders on. Maybe a little bit in Honolulu people do, but out there on that big island, there's no city blinders on you know maybe a little bit in honolulu people do but out there on that big island there's no city blinders man you're looking at something like really insanely intense all the time mountains and ocean that's amazing you're on a volcano son it's beautiful and there's a bunch of times in history where the towns have had to evacuate because the lava's coming over the hill and just wipes out the whole town the town doesn't even exist anymore then dudes put up these little shacks on where the lava is and they rope it off and that's like

their land now like they go back to where their land is like like gps'd out uh-huh and they like put stakes in and make like a little fence over the fucking lava and then they put like a house there have you seen that jamie see if you can find some photos of that it's it's so bizarre i was almost born in hawaii houses on the big island uh like temporary houses in the big island over lava fields because these people they lost everything and they're like well this is the only thing i have i'm just gonna put a trailer up where my fucking house is supposed to be that's what i imagine yeah imagine just watching that go down where your house just burns down and you're just like yep better start over.

I think in Hawaii what they should have is land set aside for people whose houses get fucked up by volcanoes. It happens all the time. Yeah. It seems like it happens enough where you should probably have a backup. Maybe they do. They have to have insurance or something. I think they probably have insurance.

It's got to be lava insurance. Do they have enough where they can relocate and have a house like their old house that got eaten by the lava? Or is it enough to get a shitty apartment? I don't know how much they get paid. But I would think that there's plenty of land. What am I saying? What am I, a Marxist?

Give away their fucking land? There's plenty of land. Give away the land to the people that... You want me to find temporary houses, right? Yeah, temporary houses on lava fields in Hawaii. They staked it off. I forget who showed it to me. houses right is that yeah temporary houses on lava fields in hawaii they staked it off i forget who showed it to me but they staked off their area and like tied it off with like a ribbon or

something like that you know like hey this is my this is my land don't come don't come inside this lava patch i own it it just highlights how preposterous it is yeah you know to live there but so awesome people will just stay there though. They love it. I went fishing last time I was there. I talked to this dude who had been living there for a long time, decades. He started out on the East coast and, uh, you know, the way he was talking about it, man, the way he was talking about just life. I was like, this guy's, he's so much more in tune with, with like, just, just the reality. I reality i'm good dude which is the reality of life itself just the cycle of life just seeing it out there on a boat in hawaii pulling back

into the dock living on this volcano in the middle of nowhere i mean you're living in a magical land yeah people daydream about that place yeah yeah they go there once a year and they just just god amazing the other guy lives there he got there and he was like, fuck going back. Yeah. He was like, Oh, this is, I could just stay here. Fuck January in New York. Like what? My mom went there for her senior trip and then when her senior trip ended, she just didn't get back on the plane. It's the move. Yeah, here we go. It's not quite what you're looking for. Not quite, but similar. So this guy set it up on this lava field. It's the move. Yeah, here we go. It's not quite what you're looking for. Not quite, but similar. So this guy set it up on this lava field.

It's got a little house. This is where my house used to be. That's insane. Yeah. There was a whole piece on it and something that I was reading. I don't remember what it was, but it was just, I get it. You know, the guy didn't want to, that was his spot. He liked the spot and he could put a temporary house there. But it's just, to me, it's so, it's just showing how powerful the will of nature is.

This insane idea that you're going to somehow or another state claim. Circumvent. Pieces of a volcano. Mother nature, yeah. Look at that, man. We're just cutting through the landscape. Jesus Christ, that's insane. That's a road. Dude, it just swamped right through

that place. That is, that picture, go back to that picture again. Oh, look at that. That's happening right there. Yeah. You can actually see it happening. It's so slow, too. This is insane. Have you seen videos of just lava taking stuff out? It's really slow, right? Yeah, it's so slow. Like, how many feet a minute does it go? Um... It probably depends

on... And there's nothing they can do about it, right? Nope. They can't, like, push it back. Look at that photo. Look at that photo where it's just cutting through. Oh. The one up right there. No, to the left of that guy with the red shirt.

See the guy to the left of that? Yeah. Click on that. What in the fuck? That's crazy. We're looking at the actual lava itself oozing. And when you look at it as a liquid rock, like a hot liquid rock, you realize what it really is. Like that this is like sort of, this is like the seeds of the actual islands themselves. There's people who go to those places and just get super close and study that.

That scares the shit out of me. They study it real close. There's been a go to those places and just get super close and study that. That scares the shit out of me. They study it real close. There's been a few scientists who have died from that. I'm sure. It only makes sense. I think there was actually a famous one that like a piece. What is that one? Go above.

The one you were just, your cursor, right to the right of that. Right to the right of that. What is that? Whoa. Oh my god that's a river that's a goddamn river a River of molten rock a river of molten rock just cutting through the earth. Oh my god. It starts way up there Imagine things lived in there like salmon like evil demon salmon lava salmon

And you have these fucking evil demon bears that jump into the lava lake. And they steam, like they can take a certain amount of lava for like certain long, and they're roaring because they're in pain. They're looking for a fucking demon fish to eat. There's a 10 meter high fountain of lava. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's what the miners would create. Those greedy, greedy gold miners.

One of the, if that thing hits you Oh god, imagine just a blob of that Hitting your shoulder Fuck that, man Because even the suits that the scientists wear when they go out Like if a thing popped up And it hit them That'll eat right through them God damn

How incredible You have a quick second It's not like hot coals quite but It doesn't melt things as quick as it seems Or maybe it does Jesus Christ They're digging into it man These guys are standing right next to it

What the fuck are they doing? I can't watch this Oh my god Oh that terrifies me Oh it's just shooting out folks We're looking at stuff just shooting out and splattering. It's like the earth's coming. Oh, dude, that's gross.

Oh, how about this? Cooking steak with lava? Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, that's pretty dope. Yeah, they pour it. Yeah, see, they pour it through this thing, and there's a grill underneath it. And just the heat of the lava pouring under the grill cooks the shit out of these steaks. That's pretty badass.

Yeah. I bet that's a serious goddamn steak. Woo! Look how he does it. Damn. Oh, is he tossing lava on top of it? Oh, no, he's just pushing it down. I've revised my cooking methods, Frank Castillo.

I used to cook with high temperature, and I just tried this last week with low temperature. I'm changing my game. Low temperature's where it's at. Do you cook? My girlfriend does. I know how to cook. What do you know how to cook? I know how to cook like steak. Don't say Mexican shit.

No, no. I know how to cook like steaks and pastas and stuff. My girlfriend's probably watching this right now like that's a fucking lie. He doesn't cook shit. Do you like, if you're alone by yourself, do you cook yourself a meal? Most of the time, no. Or I'll try to make myself a sandwich. I'm the most unhealthiest person.

I gotta get back into it. Yeah? Yeah. You do, dude. It Most of the time, no. Or I'll try to make myself a sandwich. I'm the most unhealthiest person. I got to get back into it. Yeah. Yeah. You do, dude. It'll help your brain, too. Oh, absolutely. Eating healthy, being healthy definitely helps formulate your ideas. And also, it alleviates you of a certain amount of tension that comes with a failing body.

Yeah. I used to wrestle and do jujitsu for like two years out of high school. And that was the most fun I've ever had. Because I wouldn't compete or anything. But it was just like I could eat whatever I wanted. And I would still just say the same. I felt great about myself. And it was just nice.

Why don't you start doing it again? I'm going to. I'm going to look into it right after. We'll get you in a 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu. Did you do it with a gi or without a gi? I did it with a gi. Well, if you wanted to do that, there's John Jock Machado's. That's close too.

I've been to Machado's. That's close, too. I've been to Machado's. It's a great place. And it's probably somewhere near your neighborhood. We'll talk about it off air. Perfect. That's even closer and probably just as good.

Southern California is one of the best places in the world if you want to learn jiu-jitsu. Oh, yeah, absolutely. There's so many legit schools. It's like, there's two meccas,

really, in this country. There's a bunch of really good schools everywhere in this country. I mean, jiu-jitsu's really widespread. Yeah there's two meccas really in this country. There's a bunch of really good schools everywhere in this country I mean jiu-jitsu is really widespread Yeah, but the meccas and there's a mecca in New York for sure and there's a mecca in Southern, California But there's like Chicago strong. Yeah, I mean this this strong jiu-jitsu everywhere Phoenix, Arizona strong There's like a lot of places of good you do too And I love going on Instagram and watching the tournaments and just the different people like boo

Chet is probably one of my favorite ones do you ever follow viral bjj on instagram yeah i was you liked a picture of it and i started watching it dude i try not to follow them too often like to repost their stuff because i want people to go there instead of looking at mine you know and maybe people find out about uh their videos, but they have the best collection of sick moves. Just sick move after move where you're like, oh. These are real moves that I've been doing jiu-jitsu for a long time and I haven't seen before. I'm not the most knowledgeable guy when it comes to jiu-jitsu, but I know enough about it that when I see some completely new choke variation that I've never seen before

and everybody starts doing it, I'm like, okay, that wasn't around. This guy has come up with some new thing. And people come up with a new thing. It's pretty regular. Yeah. That's my favorite about watching jiu-jitsu is you can just see people just, the game's always changing. That's the best part. Well, you know what it is like, man?

It's like the same thing with striking. When you see it at its highest level of expression, it's when it's only striking. When you see it at its highest level of expression, it's when it's only striking. Striking at its highest level of expression for me is either professional boxing or professional kickboxing or Muay Thai. That's where you see, I think to me, really I like Muay Thai the best. Oh, yeah. Because it seems like they're doing everything. Yes. So if you're going to agree to just stand up, I feel like you should be able to do whatever you want to do when you're standing up.

In terms of elbows, knees, it doesn't make any sense to limit clenching. So I think that's the number one stand up thing as far as what I want to see. But the only way you get to see the highest level of expression is if there's no takedowns. If there's no submissions. Because as soon as there's takedowns, as soon as there's submissions, guys have a totally different way. As soon as there's ground and pound, guys have a totally different way of competing and moving. And you're not going to see the same, as high a level of expression and just true striking. And the same is with jiu-jitsu.

Like you see a lot of crazy moves in jiu-jitsu that you might not see if you had soccer kicks or stomps. You probably wouldn't for a lot of those things. Because there's a lot of stuff that people could do to mitigate your movement that they're agreeing not to do. It's not that you're just totally controlling them, but to get the highest level of grappling, to watch it, you really kind of have to have only grappling. Yeah, because then it's like these are rules we're agreeing to,

and then from there you can really start to learn how to bend the rules. Yeah, it's amazing, man. It's like it really is like what you were talking about with verbal boxing. It's like that in many ways. Like there's strategy-based approaches to things. And that happens with jiu-jitsu. It happens with striking. And that's what's really interesting about martial arts more than, you know,

like people look at it in terms of like this you know, exciting violent thing. This rah-rah macho thing. Which it definitely certainly is. That's definitely certainly a part of the appeal of mma but also what the appeal is is that it's insanely difficult to do and you have to be insanely brave to choose to do it for a living and and it's it's insanely dangerous because you're you might get shinned in the face you get my kid flying knee knockout like like there's a um a recent fight between chris wyman and yoel romero did you see that fight you might get shinned in the face. You might get flying knee knockout.

There's a recent fight between Chris Weidman and Yoel Romero. Did you see that fight? Yeah, I saw a clip of it. Dude. Weidman was doing really well in that fight too. And Yoel Romero launched this flying knee that hit him dead in the head. Just boom and just crushed him. And I remember watching that going, and that's Chris Weidman. Yeah.

That's not like a regular dude. That's former UFC champion Chris Weidman, one of the baddest motherfuckers on planet Earth. And Yoel Romero just did that to him. That is a sport that is like no other. Any given Sunday, man. What are you going to say, Jamie? George St. Pierre signs to return to the UFC.

Yeah, I heard. I was talking to my friend Steffi Crooklyn from Twitter. Steffi Hayes, the writer, and she was telling me about this. She actually was the one who broke the news to me. So George St. Pierre is going to fight again. Good for him, man. Took some time off, chilled out. Feels good.

Still training. That's the thing about George never got out of shape at all constantly training constantly learning I bet he's better than ever I bet he comes back and people think that he's gonna have lost a step I bet he's better than ever yeah he wouldn't be coming back if he wasn't yeah and I've been hearing crazy shit about his grappling I've been hearing it's grappling just off the chain that's just better than ever that uh underestimating someone is a huge advantage and a tool.

Especially a guy like George St. Pierre. George St. Pierre did not become George St. Pierre by not knowing what's up. He knows what he's doing. If he's coming back, it's because he knows he's healed up probably better than ever. He's going to be really interesting to watch him return because he's different in the way he approaches fighting, I think, than almost anybody before him. And he influenced so many people after him in that he's like almost has no ego when it comes to like listening to his coaches and like absorbing information and, you know, being taught. And you see him rolling and training and drilling with people.

And I've had the opportunity to drill with him and do some kick moves with him, go over some stuff. And he's just so open-minded and so fucking smart. That guy's a really interesting dude because he's not a mean guy at all. He's like you would never think if you met him that he was this world champion, like one of the greatest, if not the greatest. I would say the greatest welterweight of all time. You know, does that mean that he would beat Damian Maia 100% of the time? No. Does that mean he would beat Tyron Woodley?

Might not. I don't know. But if you look at his accomplishments, he was, in my opinion, the greatest welterweight of all time. And super nice guy. Yeah. Smart. Speaks two languages.

Fluent English and fluent French. Really fascinating guy, man. So if he's coming back after this amount of time off, he knows what the fuck he's doing. He's going to come strong. He's going to look awesome. Or, you know, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. That's possible, too. Also today, wagering's opened up for McGregor Mayweather.

How can you do that if it hasn't really been signed? It has to take place before May 31st, 2018. So, like, if it doesn't happen, the bets just go away. That kind of happens from time to time. Like, the card has to happen before your fight, before your bet to actually be legit. Did you see what Teddy Atlas said about it? I'm sorry, go ahead.

I was going to say he opened up as a minus 2,500, so 25 to 1. I think it's Berto. He opened up at minus 4,000. So I don't know if that's saying that McGregor's got a better chance to win, but usually it's just set on 25-1 is not so hot. Yeah, McGregor's plus 1,100. Yeah, I think conventional wisdom is that Floyd boxes the shit out of him.

But Teddy Atlas had something very interesting to say. He thinks that Floyd is not recognizing the fact that Conor might just decide to get disqualified. That, like, if it starts getting crazy, like if they're in the middle of a fight and he decides, like, he can't beat him, he might decide to just fucking flip him on his ass. Atlas, McGregor will cheat against Mayweather and then proclaim himself as king of the ring. That's an interesting thought. That's interesting. Well, here's the thing.

If McGregor decided to start kicking Floyd and decided to take him down, Floyd is a dead man. Oh, yeah. He's 100% dead. There's not a thing. Unless he catches Conor coming in with the haymaker to end all haymakers that can take that Irish assassin out with one punch, Conor's going to grab him. If he grabs him, he's going to ragdoll him to the ground. He's going to do whatever the fuck he wants to do once he's there.

And if he doesn't do that, he'll kick him from the outside. He can hit him from a place Floyd can't even touch him. He'll just sidekick the shit out of his legs. He'll stay on the outside moving around. Conor's a fast man. He's not slow. And in the first round in particular, in the first round, if he decides

to start kicking Floyd's legs, like if they agreed on that, like some sort of a, uh, Inoki versus Ali match. Did you ever see that? No. In what was it? 1960s? Muhammad Ali had a match against, uh, Inoki, who's this, uh, famous guy who was a pro wrestler. What is Antonio Inoki? Is that how you say his first name? I think that's Antonio Inoki. Sorry for people who are big fans of his. He's awesome. But I just forgot his name. So he fought Ali, and what he did was he laid on his back and kicked Ali in the legs. See, Ali would come near him like he was going to jab,

and Inoki would look like he was going to... He didn't have any gloves on either. near him and like he was gonna jab and Inoki would look like he was gonna he didn't have any gloves on either it was weird because I don't know if it like what the rules of the fight were he knows it seemed like Ali should have known that this dude could kick his legs so boom see he would kick his legs and he kept doing it over and over again look at Ali's kicking him and holding onto the ropes like no no you can't hold the ropes but you can kick the legs but you can't hold the ropes like what yeah like this was i guess when ali was probably look at

he's kicking the inside of his legs this is probably when ali was banned does that make sense is that when they did it was in 76 it said oh that's way past that then yeah that's crazy so this must been he just needed the money or they offered him a shitload of money but this is when he was the heavyweight champ then, right? Is that the case? Was Ali the champ at the time? Oh, good. He's kicking the fuck out of his leg.

That's crazy. He's just butt scooting and kicking his legs and looking to get him in a leg lock. It's just weird. He was allowed to kick the legs. I think we've talked about this. They must have had some sort of an agreement that it was okay to kick the legs. He was the reigning heavyweight champion. Wow.

How nuts is that? Six million. He was offered six million dollars for the fight. Whoa. Ah, man. Is that enough? Yeah, well, I don't know if he won. Did he win or did he get

That's the thing about boxing Oh, wait, the rules Okay, what does it say here? Vince McMahon Sr. was involved too That's hilarious Sr. meaning Vince McMahon's dad? Yeah, he sold tickets to a closed circuit telecast at Shea Stadium too No shit

Almost 33,000 people showed up for that Wow Of course Of course everyone's going to want to see him box So what does it say about the rules? Like, was he allowed to kick the legs? What does it say? There were varying claims over the years over what the rules actually were.

It says no limitations on kicking or grappling, and all types of kicking, throwing, and grappling were allowed. Gene LaBelle was the referee, so it's according to him. Gene LaBelle was the referee. Of course he was. Who's Gene LaBelle? Gene LaBelle's a legendary judo character. He's awesome.

He's been on the podcast. He's a legendary guy in the world of martial arts. Check out this last quote, too, from professional Brett Hart. Brett Hart was working for Inoki at the time, and he claimed in an autobiography that the black Muslims who were backing Ali made it clear that if Inoki laid a finger on their champ, they would kill him. That's why Inoki lay on his back for 15 rounds, kicking Ali in the shin so not to use his hands. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. That's interesting. So he didn't have any gloves on. He was allowed to punch him with no gloves? I just said, well, I mean, he was allowed to maybe, but he didn't. But other forces outside told him that if they. That's what it says.

Wow. It's a claim made by Bret Hart. But you know what, man? Bret Hart's an entertainer, isn't he? Yeah. You know, like entertainers make entertaining stories. True. Who knows?

That could be one of them plot lines. Ooh. You know, I mean, whenever you merge into the world of pro wrestling, another pro wrestler tells you, well, I know what happened, man. The Illuminati came down and gave him an ultimatum. Lose the match to the Undertaker or we will take your house. You know, who knows, man? It's all plot lines with those folk.

Were you a big wrestling fan? Nah, in high school I was. What about you? No, my cousins were huge wrestling fans and I was the smallest one that would always get suplexed. Dude, that's not cool. Did they at least suplex you on the couch? Yeah, most of the time.

Yeah, Tony Hinchcliffe still to this day loves wrestling. He almost took a job. He almost took a job with the WWE as a writer. They wanted him to move to New York though. I guess it's like Connecticut. That's where their, their studio is. And he's like,

damn, he loves it, dude. He goes to those matches and shit and goes nuts. Cheers. He's so silly. Yeah. They have a,

they have a, they have a podcast. I think it's called the four horsemen, Tony and a few other guys. They just talk about wrestling. It's the best. Hey man,'s Tony and a few other guys They just talk about wrestling It's awesome Dang man people love it I'll tell you people never got more mad at me

Than me giving Tony a hard time for liking wrestling Oh yeah Those wrestling fans are dying They were so mad at me Yeah They were so mean I mean it's great though It was fun in high school man I'll tell you that

I had a friend in high school who was training to become a wrestler And I remember people would give him shit about it all the time It was fun in high school, man. I'll tell you that. I had a friend in high school who was training to become a wrestler. And I remember people would give him shit about it all the time. And then he was like, no, man, wrestling training class is no joke. And then he came in, he took his shirt off, and he had just bruises. Because I guess when they would practice, they would hit each other as hard as possible. Why? So they know exactly how hard it is that they're going to get hit. You know what I mean?

So they can judge the pain. Oh, like palms? Like palming off on each other? And they would just practice that over and over, and they'd practice the falls and stuff, and how to get it right and stuff. But yeah, if they fuck up, they really can hurt themselves, you know? Yeah, they definitely can.

I mean, wrestling involves a lot of contact. Oh, yeah. It's so brutal on the body. All those wrestlerslers at some point in time wind up getting badly injured like dan gable was like one of the greatest if not the greatest of all time he's got like all kinds of replacements like hip replacements and all shit all that kind of crazy shit he just had this indomitable will that sort of outran his own joints yeah he loved entertaining the people yeah he was an animal man that guy was phenomenal the movie the wrestler is

one of my dad's favorite movies, and I remember watching that with him. Me and my dad loved to go watch movies. It's kind of like our thing. It's how we bond. You know, I never saw that. That was the Mickey Rourke one. Yeah.

I saw a scene from it, and that was it. I just never, I always wanted to. I never sat down and watched it. It's so funny. It was like I just watched a grown man cry. I watched my dad just cry. Ah, yeah. Me and my dad can't, I mean, I love my dad just cry. Yeah, me and my dad can't.

I mean, I love my dad the best to death, but when we watch father-son movies, anything like that, it's always a tearjerker for him. Me too. I'm the same way. That's awesome. It's hilarious. I couldn't watch Pursuit of Happiness.

Which one's that? It was Will Smith and the Kid. Oh, when he becomes homeless? Fuck that. Oh, yeah. I was like, no, no, no. You're not going to do that to me. I'll tell you what.

You were telling... I don't want to... I'll give away a giant spoiler alert if I say this, but I tried to watch that movie that we were talking about, The Arrival or Arrival, whatever it is. I tried to watch it. I got through the first scene. I'm like, fuck you. Shut it off.

Shut it off. Not interested anymore. You're not going to play my heart strings. What are you talking about with her daughter at the beginning? Oh yeah Spoiler alert you fuck Did you cry during Armageddon? Just the asteroid and Nope

Oh okay Nope knew it was fake Didn't get me at all I knew the other one was fake too Deep Impact that was fake as fuck too Oh yeah that was terrible Do you think the people from Deep Impact Meet people that are fans of Armageddon? They go. Oh my god

I love you from that Bruce Willis movie like fuck you bitch. Yeah, I was in the other one It came out a few months ago, but we came out first. Yeah, we were out first Armageddon's bullshit Well, I thought that Armageddon they had the idea first. No, no, that's the propaganda. Yeah, that's fake news fake news Bruce Willis man. Yeah, no. That's the propaganda. Yeah, that's fake news. Fake news. Bruce Willis, man. Yeah, he just said, I'm good. Stop. Just chill. Probably just go surfing and shit. What does he do now? Is he still acting?

What are you going to say? Nothing. You were going to say something. Spoiler alert. Oh, yeah. Spoiler alert. That's true. Yeah, can't wait all right keep your trap shut you don't want to ruin it for everybody yeah he's always been like that guy there's like some dudes that get attached it's really kind of fascinating when you think about how many people there are and think how many dudes get attached to like that Action movie genre Oh Bruce Willis like boom die hard, you know, like he was the guy for the action movie Snarky action star who figured out how to save everybody. Yeah that first die hard man

What was the one the the one the football one with Damon Wayans right above there. That right there. The last Boy Scout. There was another one he did. And he's always this troubled cop blending pizza up with milk for breakfast. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? He puts an egg in it. Yeah.

He was always that guy smoking a cigarette. Well, I guess we're just going to have to find out. Yeah, he was the same dude in 16 blocks. Dude, he's in a gang of movies like that. The same dude in Pulp Fiction. Right? He played that boxer. Dude, he was great. Hudson Hawk, man.

Bruce Willis has been in some good fucking movies, man. Yeah, he has. What was the one with the kid? Oh, it was the kid. No, the one with um, that's true. He was in a movie called The Kid. The one where he's a ghost mercury right oh six cents six cents yeah he's in a lot of movies that movie was fucked up that was that movie was like whoa what is this i think m night's coming back um i don't know about all that dude

that village movie made me done with him i cleaned my fucking hands no. No, I get it. He's someone put it this way. He's like M night's like the girlfriend, you know, better than should come back to. Yeah. You know, better. Fuck her,

man. I like it. I actually liked that elevator movie in, in, in parts. I enjoyed the ride. I did. I didn't think it was the most satisfying way to end it.

Yeah. It's hard. How do you end a movie about, you know, an evil elevator yeah you know you know i'm saying yeah they did their best photo booth kept my attention for a movie being in just the whole time it's about a photo booth is that the phone booth is that the um the robin williams one no no it was the crazy guy who's the the photo guy that was a good one i

was talking i meant i misspoken. I meant to say phone booth. Oh, phone booth. Fucking Colin Farrell. Colin Farrell. It was on the other day. I saw it and I took my friends to see it and they were mad at me. It was buried with Ryan Reynolds. He's locked and he's buried in a coffin the whole movie. Oh yeah, I never

saw that. It's kind of hard to watch. It's really claustrophobic. Fuck that. Not interested. I don't need to see evil shit to make me feel bad. Show me some shit that's not real. Yeah, yeah. You know? I know.

Like when we were talking about Avatar, like Steven Crowder got upset about Avatar. What? What? I thought Avatar was like a propaganda movie. I was like, look, dude, that's an awesome movie about blue aliens. That movie was awesome. They flew dragons. I loved it. It was in 3D. I got to see it in IMAX. That movie was awesome. They flew dragons. I loved it. It was in 3D.

I got to see it in IMAX. That shit was awesome. My mom does that too all the time. She watches The Matrix and she'll read into it too much. She's like, it's about China and America going to war. I'm like, what are you... It's an anti-capitalism movie. I can't be here for this. This is propaganda.

No, it's a movie about big blue people that fly dragons, you fuck. This is a wonderful movie. This is propaganda. No, it's a movie about big blue people that fly dragons, you fuck. This is a wonderful movie. This movie's fun. People get so caught up in that, though. Oh, yeah? They don't want to support those goddamn lefties and their crazy ideas about blue people. The blue people deserve

to live. Giant blue people that ride dragons, shoot bows and arrows. That movie was the shit. It was so good. So good. The only thing I'm bummed out about is they're going to do part two is going to be underwater so that means no bows and arrows. That's bullshit. They'll have harpoons.

I like bows and arrows better, man. That was a badass movie, man. That was a great movie. I just don't understand people who couldn't appreciate that. I don't know. I feel like it's one of those things where people just have gotten to this point where they're like, I don't want to say my opinion matters so much, but it's like no one can just enjoy something anymore. Everyone always has to have either a shitty opinion on it or a really, really not so shitty opinion on it.

Well, I see people use all sorts of different things to sort of make their point. And I see if you were trying to make your point about some anti-corporate movie yeah you would see like this and say but I what I see is like dynamics that make a good storyline where you're invested in the plot I'm not looking at it as a propaganda film because it's in fucking space yeah and they have floating islands and none of that's real the dragons aren't real either it It's not real. That marine guy is not a real person. Like when people freaked out over the Star Wars movie. It's so amazing. It's not real.

What do you care, you fucks? And people are getting mad that they're trying to force diversity into Star Wars movies. Oh, let me guess. You gotta have the girl running things. You gotta have the black guy who's a fucking stormtrooper. I see what you're doing, Hollywood. See what you're doing, Hollywood. I see what you're doing.

You're trying to fuck with what we like. Trying to take away our glory. Glory of white people dominating science fiction movies. Has anybody dominated any genre more than white people have dominated science fiction movies? I come to you. That's so true. I come to you with a sincere question. You want to talk about a lack of diversity black guys in science fiction movies have zero chance of survival they get it is like

zero eaten first right that fucking dude in in um alien that really cool black dude who got sweaty all the time favorite one he uh he got jacked pretty quick he didn't make it very deep did he who got he didn't get killed first though, did he? He didn't get killed first, though. I think he got second. Did he get second? Super normal. Think of all the big-time science fiction movies. Dune?

Well, Dune is... Dune. Then you're getting weird, though, because that's The Rock. No, no, Dune. Dune. Oh, Dune. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are all white people.

That's a good one. That's perfect. Great one. That's a good one. Paul Mooney. Great one. That's a good one. Paul Mooney used to have a great joke about this. What? He used to have a great joke about LeVar Burton on Star Wars. Uh-huh.

They finally put one on TV, they make him blind. I'm totally taking it out of, you know, because he used a lot of N-bombs. Yeah, yeah. But it was hilarious. It's fucking funny and true. It's true. Lieutenant Uhura, she's basically a secretary. Stay by your desk, ho.

Captain Kirk's out here saving the day. You know what I mean? That's really what it was. She's the one. Yeah, I mean, she would take the call. Sir, it's the aliens. They're on the other line. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was the one doing all the Clerical work. Yeah, right, you know she wasn't Captain Kirk's equal Okay, and there's that Klingon there's LeVar Burton with his goggles and there's the Klingon now the Klingon is super questionable Is that a black guy that has a terrible alien thing going on? I mean are we looking at diversity and did they bounce off That guy in the far right And make him whiter To sort of balance it out Because that guy's white as fuck Oh yeah He's supposed to be a robot

Right But tell me you can make An android that looks Exactly like a person But you can't make his face Not white as fuck That's ridiculous His goddamn hands

Are normal color How come you idiots Only painted his face Why don't you paint His fucking hands His hands are nice and pink And it's also like Why is the white guy

So logical And you know The other guy's just so He comes from a race Of like aggressive Well LeVar Burton He painted his fucking hands. His hands are nice and pink. It's also like, why is the white guy so logical? And the other guy's just so, he comes from a race of aggressive. Well, LeVar Burton was super logical too, though, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, LeVar Burton was super smart on that show. But yeah, science fiction and black people. What else?

Alien, the movie Alien? No black people. Ender's Game actually had a great- Aliens, rather. What was Ender's Game? Ender's Game actually had a great... Aliens, rather. What was Ender's Game? Ender's Game, it was... If you read the book, because the author, there's a lot of skepticism of where his politicalness lies. I don't think that's a word, sir.

I know, I made it up. They say that he references a lot in... Talks a lot about the Vietnam War in the Ender's Game book. They say that the certain races that he's talking about he's like he alludes to them being like the vietnamese i think i could be making all this up probably but interesting ender's game's a really good movie but at the end of it it's all about like this alien race that's eventually coming to attack and they have these kids do this game but the whole time alert, they're actually fighting and they're controlling the ships from the games. Jesus Christ, man.

It's an amazing book. And a decent movie? I actually haven't seen the movie. It's all white people. Yeah, but that was a good thing. But that other guy, the Indian fella, what's that guy's name? Ben Kingsley. Yeah, Ben Kingsley.

Isn't he Indian? I think he just played Gandhi. Yeah, he just played Gandhi. No, that's what he is, bro. Come on, bro. That's how he talks. He's an Englishman then, right? Isn't he?

I think so. Isn't he of Indian descent in some way? I'll double check. You ever see that one movie that he was in? He played this badass gangster. It's a really good movie. Yeah, he's played a lot of really badass gangsters. But he played this really mean gangster.

What does it say here? He's an English actor. Just English? Hmm. So I'm making things up. He did play Gandhi, though. Oh,hi oh no no look at his name born krishna oh he's yeah okay he's indian jesus christ early life of course um but what was that movie go to that see find that movie that he played him where he was born in kenya sorry okay go to his

movies find that there's one movie that he played it was a really obscure movie it was a really good movie where he played a gangster he plays a drink hitman i think in one movie that he played that was a really obscure movie. It was a really good movie where he played a gangster. He plays a drink hitman, I think, in one movie. Are those his movies? No, this is one that he won awards for. Oh, Jesus Christ, that guy won a lot of awards. Dude, he's the best. Go to filmography right there.

46 movies or something. Jesus Christ. Yeah, he was in Shutter Island. Yeah, keep going, keep going. See if I can find that movie. Sexy Beast, that's it. To your left. There, right there. Bam. It I can find that movie sexy beast. That's it To your left there right there bam. It's in 2000 great fucking movie plays a psychopath And you would go what that guy that guy seems like so peaceful he fucking knocks it out of the park. He's awesome It's a really really crazy movie man. He played a fucking complete nut. It was great

Yeah, I like an actor that can play a villain that plays it so well that i'll still hate the actor afterwards yeah yeah i know i know what you mean yeah yeah well that's the weird thing about watching an actor right so you're agreeing you know that that's tom cruise yeah you're agreeing that he's on a spaceship and he's targeting this you know you can like, The Day After Tomorrow, is that what, what is the name, the Tomorrow movie?

Day After Tomorrow. Yeah, they changed the name too. It's Day After Tomorrow and there's like a weird subtitle on it too. Which is, in my opinion, like one of the most

overlooked science fiction movies ever. Mm-hmm. It was a brilliant movie. Oh no, that's Edge of Tomorrow. Edge of Tomorrow. That's right.

Edge of Tomorrow. Which one was the world? Day After Tomorrow's like a, what is that one? End of the World. Yeah, that was. With the ice. With the Quaid fella. With the Quaid fella, yeah.

Yeah. I like Quaid. That was a super bad movie. That End of the World movie, that was so bad. I love bad movies too, because then you can just laugh at them all the time. The Day After Tomorrow, right? That's what it was called. It's also called Live, Die, Repeat.

Oh, yeah. Edge of Tomorrow. They added that for some reason. Okay. That's a great science fiction movie, though. And it is white as fuck. He did Oblivion after that. It's just chock full of white people.

They're chock full of white people. Oblivion? I think, or it was Elysium, sorry. Yeah. Elysium. Yeah. Tom Cruise did that movie, Edge of Tomorrow, and then he also did Oblivion, I think, like within months of each other.

Wow. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They probably were confusing as fuck, right? Yeah. Because they're both science fiction movies hmm oh yeah that's right that was a good movie too yeah man these there's been some good ones but with a guy like tom cruise like when you watch it you know it's tom cruise i mean that's a that's a weird thing that we do yeah you know that's morgan. There's Morgan Freeman. I know it's Morgan Freeman, but I'm going to pretend that he's this dude who runs this planet,

and he wants to talk to Tom Cruise. All right, man. I've got to wrap this bitch up. I've got to get the fuck out of here. We were supposed to end earlier. I had a meeting that I blew off. Oh, no way. Yeah.

Sorry, I didn't mean to steal it. Make some adjustments now. I didn't realize. We were talking so long. I thought it was 1230, and it was 130. I didn't mean to crowd her. Dude, it was awesome. Please. Thank you. Good times. realize we were talking so long. I thought it was 1230 and it was 130. I didn't mean to crowd her. Dude, it was awesome.

Please. Thank you. Good times. Congratulations. Thank you so much. And it's always awesome having you at the store and always awesome.

I'm glad we're doing these shows. Frank's going to be with me this weekend, tonight and tomorrow in Oxnard. So find people of Oxnard tonight and tomorrow.

It's Ian Edwards, Frank and me and we'll see you there. All right. See you later. Bye. See you later. Bye. See you, guys.