The Joe Rogan Experience - #969 - Andrew Santino

Episode Date: June 1, 2017

Andrew Santino is a stand up comedian and actor. His special "Home Field Advantage" premieres on June 2 & he's on the new show "I'm Dying Up Here" premiering on June 4, both on SHOWTIME.

Three. Why Chito Santino? Why that? I'll tell you. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I was playing this basketball league with these kids from East LA. It was like the only connection I had in LA

with these couple of kids that I knew from Long Beach. And we would go play ball in this league and then afterwards, we'd go to a bar and just get shit-faced. Like, just blacked out, out of our mind. 22, like, every dime we had was going to booze and partying so we were partying and i'm wearing basketball shorts like white people do when you play basketball and all my mexican friends you know they wear like whatever they had on the floor that morning it was like jeans and you know whatever there was never basketball shoes for them and we're sitting

there drinking and this dude pavo his buddy man he looks down at my legs and he goes dog i gotta fucking ask you a question player like did you have fucking orange leg hairs dog i was like dude i've known you for years you've never seen that he's like no dog it's so gross dog it's nasty to look at bro it's kind of like if you ate a bag of cheetos and you wipe the finger dust all over your fucking legs and she got Cheeto legs, dog. So the Cheeto thing. So then all these dudes, all these fucking,

all these homies were always like, Cheeto! It was just stuck so hard that when I got Twitter and Instagram, I was like, I have to have Cheeto as my shit.

Like, I have to embrace the Cheeto. Embracing the Cheeto. I embrace the Cheeto, man. Wow. Yeah, that's wild. It's a good time for orange-haired comedians.

Dude. Two of the greatest of all time have orange hair. It's wild because I've always been such a massive fan of Burr. I mean, I can't preach him enough. I think I do. I dick ride him so hard, I think many people I talk to are like, all right, dude, enough. Like, I get it.

You like him. But I do, man. I've always loved him. And Louie has changed the game in a totally different way. But those two dudes are just shocking. Burr right now, he's doing something real special. And he's also a man's man, an unapologetic man. Dude, thank God.

Oh, there's so few. It's such a hard time to be a guy. Yeah, you're not allowed to. Shame on you. If you say that, people are like, boo. Yeah, I know. Boo, it's so hard to be a man With all your male privilege

Boo Oh cisgendered males Complaining about how hard it is I said that We're being judged folks We're being judged harshly I'm a white White straight male

I'm the literal enemy Public enemy number one Right now Yeah I walk around You are the enemy You're automatically a rapist And a misogynist

And an Ego maniacal Money hungry-driven bad human being. It's so fucked up. This is how ridiculous it's gotten. There was an article. Oh, they're still complaining about being a man. There was an article that I just read that was advocating that women should never go to prison. What?

It was like, let's stop putting women in prison. Yeah, see if you can find that. It was the idea was that women are suppressed, and they already represent such a significantly small portion of the U.S. population that really... So therefore,

heinous crimes don't, then they don't deserve the same punishment as other people that have heinous crimes. The number of women hit men would just go through the fucking roof, right? Oh my God. Hit people if they couldn't be arrested. Yeah. Oh my God.

So much domestic. Well, that's like saying, okay, so if that's what the article's trying to say, then say any other repressed group in society, then minorities can't go to prison anymore. Right? That's the same logic. They represent a much larger percentage, though. So the thing she's saying about women is there's so few women in prison already yeah and women are like a lot of their behavior is due to the fact they've been suppressed by men okay yes oh my god well it's just the idea of

us being on two teams is so crazy yeah the penis team and the vagina team yeah it's that simple shirts and skins it's that simple right that's it you're all the all people on your side are good all people on our side are bad. Do you know how fucking crazy that is? It's insane. Well, that's what I said, like, not to sound like I'm plugging my special, but in my special, I talk about, I was shot in Chicago, where I'm from, and at the time, there was a lot going on in Chicago, as there always is, a lot of cop shootings, and I think there's

a big, there's an immediate uproar of like fuck cops and I hate that because I've cops in my family and you can't just blanket statement an entire thing just like you can't blanket an entire race of people sex class of people and say you're all the same that's the same thing as saying like every cop is a bad person like are you out of your fucking mind I couldn't agree more millions of police officers that are great people you happen to hear stories about bad humans. That happens in any industry. Right.

And honestly, if you look at it statistically, like the number of bad cops versus the number of cops, and then you have to break down the number of interactions cops have with people. It's stunning. Have you met people? They're awful. People are fucking awful. Can you imagine every day? They're awful to you, but imagine how awful they are if you are a professional enemy

Yeah, and they know that you're just a person just like them So you're pulling this guy over this guy's done a crime You know he's gonna lie to you and you're the enemy and you don't even know this fucking guy You don't even know him you don't even have a real beef with him But now his whole life is on the line right now in this altercation You never know if he's gonna shoot you you never you never know there's so so many videos online. There's one of the most terrifying videos of this cop pulling this guy over. And the guy was some Vietnam veteran who's a real fucking killer. And he wound up killing the cop. And they show him killing the cop on the security camera. The guy's trying to

give this guy all the room in the world. He's like sir Please get back in your car sir. Please get back at start sir put your hands down sir sir put the gun down sir And then it gets to the I mean he's trying so hard Not to be a cunt and this guy shoots him and kills him and you're telling me that other cops haven't seen that video Yeah, you don't think that they're terrified that they're gonna be the next guy That's on some fucking YouTube clip that two comics are talking about on a podcast They're going to be the next guy that's on some fucking YouTube clip that two comics are talking about on a podcast. Because it could happen. Easy.

Every time you pull a guy over, your life's on the line. And the stress of that is ungodly. And we expect them to manage it like robots. We expect them to be like no person we've ever met. Right. Where they just, no problem, no stress. You're a fucking accountant. What is the worst shit that can happen to you once you're in the office? The printer breaks.

Almost nothing is life-threatening no microsoft excel crashed this morning everyone's going crazy in fucking accounting if you're a beat cop jesus christ well it's the same way with uh you know i know this is this is all this has been said but the way we treat veterans and shit it's like you know i grew up with a kid who was a really close friend of mine that killed himself a couple of years ago, was a veteran. And I think the expectation of the return to normalcy is not only ridiculous and an insane request, but it's just so illogical that that's not approached. It's like, dude, these people can't come back from any sort of combat and just be pushed back into the real world. Like, well, you're good, right? You're good? Did you turn off the switch when you landed back in the United States?

Yeah, man, it was just a little toggle in my head and then I'm good now. I should go get a regular job, I guess. Yeah, and just the lack of responsibility that we have for taking care of those people. It's crazy. The lack of emphasis on psychological recovery, on giving them coping skills. Mental health, man, that's the biggest issue in the United States. I say that all the time. There's so much lack of help for mental health, dude.

You see it so constantly in so many different facets. Now I think it's coming out more because of the internet, because you see violent crimes and you see where mental health has kind of led our country now. There should be a bigger focus on it dude. I had a psychiatrist in the podcast yesterday Kelly Brogan who She wrote a book called. What does it call the mind of your own a mind of your own? It's never saw that we talked all about these psychiatric drugs and when they prescribe them and why they prescribe and what are the side effects and how easily they prescribe them right and how So many of these same exact symptoms can be cured by exercise and diet. And they don't even advocate that. And she's talking about like how

incredible it is, like her coming from a background of psychiatry, being an MD, going through the whole training thing, writing a book about it. And you realize like, oh my God, they're just doping people up. Yep. Because it's easy fix, man. They want short-term solution as fast as you can. Working out and exercise sounds like such a, it sounds like a marathon. Yeah. And they just, they're like, give me the 40-yard dash. Like, what can we do to get them in the 40-yard dash? And they're like, here, take this pill, and that changes everything.

Just the disassociative quality of these pills are so dangerous. And we just hand them out. Not we, obviously. You and I aren't involved. But someone's out there handing them. Not as far as the audience knows. We don't do it. Imagine.

Imagine if you're a guy right now working for a pharmaceutical company and every day you read the news, you see some fucking mass killing. Please don't let it be on our shit. Right. Please don't let it be on our shit. It's at Pfizer every day. It's like rolling the dice online. Please. Hoping it wasn't some guy on one of their drugs.

She was talking about the numbers of people that commit these mass killings that are on drugs. They're on psychoactive, some sort of psychopharmaceutical drugs. She's like, it's crazy. It's like 100%. Yeah. Well, let me give you something. This is how powerful that world is. I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm with you, so I don't really give a shit.

But the only one thing I wasn't allowed to talk about or not talk about but specifically say on my showtime special was about accutane i went on accutane when i was a kid do you know this drug you know that you said sit yeah it is but it's unbelievably unstable okay it's caused a lot of suicide people got real fucked up from it so it caused a lot of chemical and mental reaction that they didn't anticipate for youth youthfulful, you know, kids under 18 with underdeveloped brains used to have a sign of form to say, I can die from this medication. There's a risk of death. That was a real thing for pimple medication. But on the special show times, lawyers called us and said, I can mention the company, but I can't say the joke. Uh, I said, if you don't know what Accutane was, it was developed in the

eighties and the nineties to kill acne and then people and they they were like we can't say that i was like why can't i say that's a that's a fact and the guys you know lawyers were like they're a massive sponsor jesus christ that was the crew that was the control they were like first of all i thought showtime didn't have any sponsors well Well, CBS is their mothership. It's Viacom, right? But that was the only thing. It's also Spike TV, right? Yeah, that was the only thing that they were like, we just can't say that.

Which I was respectively removed because I was like, I didn't need that piece anyway. But I was like, that's so weird that they are that meticulous about this one small thing. Because they wanted to cover up the fact that people used to die from it. Kids who are the most insecure point of your life, you've got shit all over your face, and you just want to fix it with a pill because you want to feel better about your life. You're already so vulnerable and ugly and weird, and they're willing to risk their life for it, but this company won't recognize that that was a thing. What numbers of people died off of it?

I mean, at one point, I remember when I was in high school, there was like three kids. It made national news because it was like three kids in a row committed suicide. It was like consecutive, like three young kids, boom, boom, boom, that committed suicide. And of course, you can't just attribute it to one thing. I'm not saying you can point a finger and say that's what it was. But there's enough evidence surrounding things like that that made the company put more legal action behind release forms for when you take the drug. Nowadays, I think there's different levels of it you can't give to people under 16 or a certain age because of the strength of the medication. Jesus.

Yeah. Because all I wanted to do was not be ugly anymore. So what did it do to you? You know what's funny, man? It cleared my skin up and I never had to take it ever again. I know people that did it two or three times and it gave me a lot of joy because I felt fine again. I had such bad acne. I say I had such bad acne when I was a kid that it made me not believe in God.

I was like, no, nothing exists. I'm alone on this earth. And I felt like I was the ugliest person to ever walk the planet because you felt so so this thing it it it fixed me so to speak it made me feel like everything was good again which is so gross but that's how like shallow we are as kids because you're just like so vulnerable around your peers you're like i just want to be i just want to be normal when you're like 16 years old if you have a horrible acne attack, it fucks your head up. It fucks you up.

You feel so weak. Yeah. Like you're so at the mercy of this. I mean, obviously, oh, poor white cisgendered man worried about zits. No, you know what? I understand there's worse problems. Look at that. What is this?

This is a list of the side effects of this stuff. Miscarriages. Miscarriages, birth defects, increased internal skull pressure, bone mineral density, depression, psychosis, suicide, aggressive or violent behaviors, acute pancreatitis, unknown, in quotes, cardiovascular consequences, deafness, hepatitis, bowel disease, excessive bone growth, night blindness, and sight loss. You can just lose your vision. Well, then, you know, you lose your vision, you can't see your acne anymore. So I guess that's kind of the caveat. Look at the list of birth defects. Scroll back down again, please.

Look at this part where it says the list of birth defects. No, up a little, up a little. Up a little. There you go. Genetic name incitations. Facial and nerve system deformities. Mental retardations. Patients must be on birth control when using it.

Yep. Because you get miscarriages. Are you out of your fucking mind? Isn't that crazy? Patients must be on birth control if you want to use this medication. You can't get pregnant. Your baby will come out a mutant. A Jersey man with 25 million verdict after he alleged that Roche, the acne drug addict,

gave him inflammatory bowel disorder that required the removal of his colon. Oh my God. They had to rip out his fucking colon. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. You only get $25 million if they take out your colon? That's it, dude. You lose your butt, you get $25. You get one payday from The Rock. Like one of his big movies.

Maybe. They take your colon. He might get more than that. He might get more than that He might get more than that For like Baywatch That's what they write In the memo of the check For colon

Fuck man For colon For anus So I worked at a Hamburger place A place called Newport Creamery

When I was in high school And I got graduated From dishwasher To working at the grill That's a big deal It was a big deal But the problem was Working at the grill. That's a big deal. It was a big deal. But the problem was, working at the grill, you get fucking crazy zits, dude. Oh, yeah.

Because there's just grease in your face all day. Like, literally, you get out of there, your face is covered in grease. How old were you? 15. I guess I was 16 when I started working there. 15 or 16, somewhere in there. My first job was McDonald's. So, of course, I was really aiding in the shit face of my life.

I was like, let me eat shit food, be around grease all day. All day. Oh, all day long. Those frilators, like, that shit's in the air, man. Oh, it's gross, dude. Like, you have a thin film of it on your face when you leave. It's coated. Yeah, and my zits got out of control.

And I remember there was this girl, this really cute girl that worked there, and she grabbed my face once. She was just being nice to me. She goes, you're so cute. She grabbed my face. And all I could think of was, oh, my God, she just touched my zits. I'm so disgusting. I think about it to this day.

It's crazy. It's crazy. And it sticks with you, dude. Dude, it was so devastating at the time. I just like, I'm like, because I was attracted to her. She's very cute. But I always felt like she was out of my league. And then all of a sudden, she's touching my face. I'm like, I was attracted to her she's very cute but I always felt like she was out of my league and then she's all of a sudden she's touching my face I'm like god damn she's touching my zits I remember we were going to like a uh a family function of some kind and

I had obviously just picked at something on my stupid face and my little brat sister was like you're bleeding it's like out of my face I was like i'm a mutant you feel like you're like blanket me and hide me in the back of the car the only thing what changed it for me was exercise yeah yeah once i started um i started like really heavily working out it kind of went away like towards like 17 and 18 by the time i was 18 it stopped but man before that 15 and 16 it was bad well I played sports all through high school so that was an issue because it was always sweating and it was making it exacerbated made it worse and then in college all I did was work out and didn't play a lot of active sports so by that time it was all cleared up and I was fine but in high school was just like

I did everything to make it worse like everything possible everybody would get a sunburn to kill their zits remember that yeah well look at me I can't it's in everything possible. Everybody would get a sunburn to kill their zits. Remember that? Yeah. Well, look at me. I can't. You would kill your zits in the sun. I would get cancer and get worse skin.

That's like in the summertime. I remember that was like, oh boy, it's going to be sunny out. This is great. I can cook off some of these zits. Get a sun off these zits. Yeah, man. I had a buddy of mine growing up. I mean, I cannot complain because my buddy had it real bad.

He was one of those guys that was like his everything. His neck was covered in pockmarks. His face was covered in pockmarks. And the poor kid was like barely hanging on, right? He's like 15, 16 years old. You know, it wasn't like genetically gifted to begin with. And then all of a sudden he gets hit with this hailstorm on his face.

I mean, his whole, all of his skin was just fucked. And there's nothing they can do about it once that happens. No, unless you want to lose your colon. Unless you want to take a pill. But it's not even that. It doesn't smooth your face out. No. The only way they can smooth your face out once you have those scars all over the place is they have to fucking sandblast you. surgery yeah it's crazy and it doesn't look good no no

you can tell it's fucked yeah no i feel like i'm i'm lucky that that i that it worked because i had friends where it didn't work and it was like oh god that's just so if you were my friend who just got hit with the the hailstorm like you would think like maybe for that guy be worth taking a chance at suicide. Yeah, why not? So crazy if you're gonna do it do it cool, you know, you never know you never know right you just roll on the dice You might be that one of that one out of a thousand people that goes completely fucking insane once that stuff hits your system goes blind insane shits yourself Skull pressure was the craziest thing bone growth weird bones are gonna start gonna grow horns You see Mike's second chin. You just have another fucking chin start to grow below you ever will go to this lady Dr. Pimple popper on Instagram. No

Addicted to this lady's Instagram page the point where it almost seems like she's sponsoring this show page the point where it almost seems like she's sponsoring this show i tell everybody about her you go to her page and every day she's cutting open cysts oh and popping zits i can't do you can she's got millions of look at she's got 2.4 million okay 2.4 million humans watch this all the time constantly dude i watch it but But all of her stuff is these giant, go to that lower right-hand corner one. Joe, this is... Click on that. Look at this.

She's just cutting open these cysts, and it's so oddly addictive, man. She's got this little circular razor blade tool. It takes a circular chunk of meat out of your neck so that she can now push all the pus out. Oh my god! Isn't this insane? Fuck! Like, people's

bodies and these errors, these like skin errors that we have. Like, how many of those do we have inside of ourself? You know, like when you hear about people having cysts and liver cysts and shit like that inside of you like this? Dude, I have a cyst.

What's that? Jesus. When I was in college. I can't look away. It's fucking insane. I know. That's what I'm saying. I'm in the sunken place, dude.

I can't fucking look away at this shit. It's very interesting. When I was in college, dude, I thought I had nut cancer. I thought I had testicle cancer And I went into a doctor This is insane I went into a campus doctor And he feels around in my nuts And he feels the bump And I cried for like two days

He started sucking my cock And he was like I'm gonna get that nut There's only one way to get it out He said to me this is no shit He goes it's a build up of semen A fucking doctor said that And I was like really. He goes, it's a buildup of semen. A fucking doctor said that. And I was like, really? He goes, do you have a hot tub?

I was like, there's one in my complex. Cook your cum. He goes, go in there and jerk off in the hot tub. He told you to jerk off in the hot tub. I swear to God on my fucking life. Did he tell you what time? At 10.01. I don't want you to look up.

He said, it was at military time, actually. Yeah, he said. He said, at 20.22, I want you to come close your eyes military time if you're talking about a guy jerking off you're telling him how to do it during military time 2022 i want to watch no dude this guy said it was a fucking i'm not kidding he said it was a buildup of semen my dad flew into town because he was concerned because i was like dude it freaked me out i was like i have this thing on my. We went to the best doctor we could find. And the guy was like, I should fucking have this other dude, like, get his medical license removed.

He's like, this is, buildup of semen is completely incorrect. This is a cyst on your testicle. It's not, he's like, it's benign. It's, you're fine. But the fact that, that someone on campus, like a campus doctor told you that, that's a real medical professional. He was probably high out of his mind. Baked out of his fucking... I went to Arizona State, so he was fucking lost. Yeah.

It was just a dude they found that morning at the bus stop. That doesn't even make sense to me, and I don't have no medical training. When he said it, I was like, there's no chance. Send in video.

That's what it was. He's like, take a video of it. That's what I want you to do. I want you to take your nuts and hold them over a lamp So I can see through your nuts And then take as many pictures as you can

No filter I'm gonna bring in a couple other boys in here Young boys Don't use filters Have you seen that movie Tickled? Have you seen that documentary Tickled? I have not But it keeps getting recommended

So I'm gonna have to watch it It's unreal It blows your fucking mind How these guys were tricked into this It's as simple as young actors being like you gotta you gotta just make a living can can you let another guy tickle you on the internet for five minutes for a hundred dollars and these young kids were like dude i've had friends get hit on by guys during casting sessions like just all just straightforward like

like if you want to fuck yeah like i've had friends like literally get propositioned i've had a few friends get propositioned by some very very famous yeah very famous people that are like you come to so-and-so's house no one will know no one will say anything but as in the public eye people think they're straight there's such a leap man when you're a dude and you're straight and you're like all right how much money is that really? That is the crazy leap. I honestly absolutely firmly believe that prostitution should be legal. 100%.

It doesn't make any sense that you can decide to fuck someone for free and we all agree that nobody got hurt. But if for some reason there's something wrong with someone paying you to jerk them off yeah why what what's the harness do you imagine do you imagine if fucking tiger woods if tiger woods could have had prostitutes this would have never gotten exposed do you think if that if prostitution

was legal and it was kind of not a faux pas thing in society do you think he would have never had this moment of collapse in his career i think it would change the way we look at sex if prostitution was legal. Like, it's so illegal, and it's been illegal for so long, that if someone, male or female, has someone pay them for sex, you're a whore. Right. It's a label right away. But we know for a fact that there's gold diggers. Like, gold diggers are real. But they're not even hidden. They're blatant.

Blatant. Yeah, they just say it. Right. It's on the internet. You've seen that. Have you ever seen that Instagram post where there's these really hot, like, Instagram models, and then it shows a picture in the next box of a bunch of guys that are, like, in their 60s with giant guts with gray hair on their guts.

It's like, those Instagram models in Dubai, this is who's paying for those trips. of course like that you we know those people exist there's nothing we don't care it's like look at her she got it good for her that like that dan bilzerian guy you know him yeah that's like his that's his mo well sort of he's a good looking guy too yeah but these women that are around they he knows what they're around for and she they know what they're around for it's a it's a fucking mutual it's a deal i think the best example of it was J. Howard Marshall and Anna Nicole Smith. Totally. And Anna Nicole Smith married that 90-year-old dude who was in a wheelchair. And she was just giant titties and a big ass and just out there.

It was brilliant. It was amazing. It was amazing because it was so blatant. I had a whole bit about it in my act. There it is right there. She set the tone. That's setting the fucking tone. That's the gold standard of gold diggers.

Right. I mean, come on. And he's marrying her there. How is that not prostitution? That's one of the funniest things anybody's ever done. Go back to that photo. Zoom in on his face. Look at how unhappy he looks.

It's remarkable. This guy's so fucking old, he can't formulate a smile When he's marrying a woman A quarter his age And I think at the time she was a lesbian So she was just eating pussy and hanging out with him And she had to do like marital relations with him And when she would do the marital relations with him You know she was like time to go to work What does she gotta do

He can't fuck what does she gotta do Just tug him Exclusive Did they have Viagra back then No I don't think so What does she got to do? Just tug him? Just probably suck his dick. Just suck him. Exclusive. Maybe. Did they have Viagra back then? No. I don't think so. I think they did.

I think we came up with the timeline for Viagra. Maybe they came up with it for him. Nah. It was all his research money. There's got to be a way. I'm that close to marrying Anna Nicole Smith, you piece of shit. Make something keep my dick hard for an hour and a half. I've got $10 billion and not a lot of time.

I don't want you to listen to me, you son of a bitch. God, that's so crazy. I love it. Good for him. Fuck yeah. Look at, do you like my body? Yeah. Go out with a bang. Or at least attempt.

An attempt at a bang. Is he dead? Yeah, he's dead as fuck what did he die of happiness died of being joy he died of joy the world blessed him in his final years but that's legal it's totally legal totally to marry someone and have sex with them for money as long as you marry them and then get to steal all their money it's like a small transaction like if he could just pay her yep like for jay how. Howard Marshall a multi-billionaire type character I bet a hundred grand is not out of the question

it's nothing one evening for a hundred grand seems like a worthy proposition this is someone told me this recently we were talking about this this is amazing the difference between a million and a billion because I think in America we just kind of like we don't even think about it you know you just hear it and you're like billionaire oh he must be a

billionaire you know I'm sure someone Joe Rogan dude's gotta be a fucking billionaire dude here's the difference like we don't even think about it you know you just hear it you're like billionaire oh he must be a billionaire you know i'm sure someone joe rogan dude's dude's gotta be a fucking billionaire dude here's the difference that people don't realize a million seconds is is how many days would you guess a million seconds i've done this before and i always forget it do you know a million seconds a million seconds 30 days that's a great guess okay is it it's 11 days that's good most people are fucking way off so it's 11 days a million chance yeah that's good a million seconds is 11 days how many days is a billion seconds how many 31 years jesus 11 days to 31 fucking years jesus look at that so when someone trillion seconds is 31 000 years when someone tries tries to fucking say they understand what a billion is,

you're like, you have no fucking idea what a billion is. A billion is so beyond far away. Now, as far as it's been explained to me, and I've never researched this at all, so I wonder if you could find this out. Someone said to me that when you look at the richest men in the world, like they look at Warren Buffett and Bill Gates and all those- George Soros, all those dudes.

Billionaire characters, that they're not really the richest men in the world. That the real richest men in the world are these Saudi guys. Yep. And a lot of these oil guys. But they're monarchs and they don't have to disclose their wealth. They never do. Yeah.

It's not like they're the CEO of a corporation. No. They're head of a royal family. They owe no government any indication of what their earnings are. So this dude who knows one of those cats was telling me that he's probably a trillionaire. Fuck me. And I was like, what? I go, that's real?

And he goes, yeah. I didn't know there was trillionaires. He goes, it's very likely this guy might have access to a trillion dollars. Because the only thing that we know is our famous billionaires. We're infatuated with our billionaires that we kind of have as these social icons you know like zuckerbergs and these guys that are like they did something that we can recognize these saudi families that have had that money have had that money for a fucking long time it's not new money no this is old they had they had hundreds of millions 50 years ago

right so now it's only accumulated into billions of, I mean, they own, well, what, what the, um, that guy, the Chinese billionaire that, um, what was his name? He just bought, uh, the Basquiat. Oh, we had, it was Japanese. Japanese. Yeah. A hundred million dollars. We just, we're talking about that.

Which show was that? It was Bill Burr. Yeah, dude. A hundred and ten, I think it was. I mean. And he owns another one that he got for like 57. But that 57's nothing to him. That's like, it's a flick.

Guy's insane. Who's this cat? We're at 1.4 trillion. 1.4 trillion fucking dollars. Oh my God. See? Oh my God. The royal family is worth a staggering 1.4 trillion.

The royal family is worth a staggering 1.4 trillion. Solomon bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, pictured, is the current king. Dude, that's balling on a whole new level, son. That's just new shit. 1.4 trillion. Oh, my God. Who is this guy? The Rothschild family.

Yeah, for sure. There's probably a bunch of those little scoundrels running around taking a piece of that pie. So a billion is a thousand million. Yep, a thousand million. To 700 trillion. The Rothschilds estimated between 1 billion and 700 trillion. Hey, how about you do a better job? I could do as good a job of estimating as that. No shit, that's so far.

Probably a kazillion. It's like when you ask a kid how much a car is and they're like $8? And you're like, yeah, it's like $8. That's how much cars are. $100? Yes, exactly. Well, it is a Mercedes, son. How the fuck could they have such terrible gap in their

guesstimate? See, those kind of old families that have been around for that long you know that they hide money yeah they don't fuck like when they say x amount of dollars it's because that's what they've been told for so many sources i used to know that you know the guy this guy george soros do you know who that is the guy who broke the bank of manhattan the name because everyone brings it up when they talk about like anyone on the right side like alex jones has Jones said that George Soros is making the marijuana stronger. He's doing it for mind control. I take it once a year. I smoke marijuana to test the efficiency. I like how he's the gauge. I'm going to do it for America. I will smoke.

He says he smokes it once a year. He said that during his custody trial. That's it. Once. That's it. Just once a year to test its potency. That's George Soros. George Soros. He's 86. I part a year to test its potency. That's George Soros. George Soros. He's 86. I partied with his kid one time. 25 billion. 25.2 billion.

I partied with his kid one time at one of these Hollywood things. And I've never seen someone so... And I'm not going to say anything negative about him. I've just never seen that kind of money firsthand.

I've never known a billionaire. I've never been friends with a billionaire. And this kid was so lucid. It was almost as if he's not living now at all. He's just kind of go, it's just flow. He's so floating. It's like, whatever happens happens. I said, where are you staying while you're here? He's like, with these guys, I guess. I was like, what do you, do you have suitcases and shit? You're in town from New York. Like, are you not? He's like, no, I just fucking, I don't know. I'm going to figure it out. I guess bounce around a

little bit. So I, it's just like like there is no, there's no groundedness. When you're that rich, it's almost like, I don't know. I can do anything all the time forever. There's no source of repetitiveness. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's a good thing for kids. Oh, it's so bad.

It doesn't seem to work out. I mean, I would think the only way you would get a kid through that is you got to take them to sports or something. You got to get them involved in some adversity. He's got to lose at something. Yeah, a lot. If you lose that shit, you start to understand how human you are when you're like, oh my God, there's so many people better than me at so many fucking things.

Oh yeah, dude. Because when you're given everything, you never lose. You never heard no. There's no negative in your life. It's just kind of like how do you get any sense of fucking you know any normalcy or anything grounded in your hands when you're like yeah we need feedback yeah you need to know that that's not good and that's okay and and that's terrible and that's good you need to know where you land on the spectrum of in

the social world that's why so many rich kids are socially so fucking awkward because they never had to they never got beat up at school they never got made fun of it was it was all like it was all fucking flat flat it's all flat yeah you can't have all flat you don't want to have too many crazy dips you know because then you're fucking but you definitely don't want flat like the worst drive ever is not the longest drive The worst drive ever is like when you're driving and those those roads that people we stopped take album cover pictures in yeah We just see just flat and nothing there forever There's nothing just flat like if you go the same distance But you're driving on like the the Pacific Coast Highway and you're headed up to San Francisco. It's fucking beautiful

You barely recognize you first of all you say the cliffs right there to San Francisco. It's fucking beautiful. Beautiful, man. You barely recognize, first of all, you're like, the cliff's right there. The fucking cliff's right there.

What if I just fucking? You could just do that and people do do that for sure. They just go off that cliff and you just want to make sure the guy on the other side is not thinking, I'm just going to head on this guy

and we're both going to go off this cliff. Do this shit together. Let's do this shit. I'm going to drag somebody with me. Fuck him. Ah! The last moments of your life flying off a cliff because some pilled up asshole

decided to slam into you and knock you off it can happen have you seen those birds that jump off the cliff right after they're born have you seen these dude get this video yeah yes look up look up um bird jumps off cliff after birth so the moment they hatch the mother and the father go to the bottom of this 500-foot cliff, and the birds jump. Jesus. And they hit rocks all the way down, and whoever survives, survives with the parents. Oh, my God.

Dude, it's fucking amazing. I just saw it on, I think it's on... It looks like it was on Planet Earth. Planet Earth. I can't really show this. Oh, fuck. I can watch it, so people, I'll link the video or something. What is the video called?

So people can... Chicks Jump Off Cliff. Chicks Jump Off Cliff. Chicks Jump Off Cliff. Which is another one that they do here in LA sometimes in Hollywood. What? I think that's different. Look at this. Wow, this is insane. They don't even have wings yet.

Nope, nothing, nothing. Just fucking bold. Oh my god, this is insane. This is insane. So this poor little thing is... It's kind of like a flying squirrel looking situation. This is insane. Dude, the first time I watched this, I was so baked. I was like, is this a loop? Because it looks like it's never going to end.

It's so far. I think he says it 500 or 600 feet or something. It's so insane that this is how life gets born. Oh my god. And he hits the rocks and you gotta assume he's dead. Nope. Oh my god, he's gonna hit more rocks. Oh Jesus

Christ. So many fucking rocks. Look at this thing, it's flipping head over heels. It hits more rocks. Oh, hit a little grass there. Caught a break. Caught a break. That's a good break. Look at this thing. It's going down the side of the cliff, head over heels,

head first, asshole, head to a rock, asshole to a rock. For a second, we got a minute. We got a break. Nope. Never mind. Got a little bit of a break, and then boom. More bouncing. Boom. Head first. Oh, there's your face. There's your dick hole. Here's a rock up your asshole. Here's one on the side of your face. Here's one to your eyes. Here's one to your nose.

Oh, another hundred feet to go. Look at there's mom and dad. And mom's like, is this motherfucker gonna make it? Look, there's another one behind it? No. Look at this, boom. How's he doing? So then they- Fucking insane! They stop and wait to see- Which ones live.

Which ones live. Jesus Christ. Nature is so harsh. Dude, I knew you would love this because I thought about you the first time I saw this and I was like, this is so fucking proof about surviving, dude. It's so survival. This is the most basic. You have to leap and almost die the moment you enter the world.

That chick is tough as fuck. Survival, dude. That chick could go five rounds of Giorio petrosian and just shake it off georgio versus a dead one a chick yeah there's one that didn't make it i'm sure there's a ton of dead ones blood all over the rocks oh jesus fucking christ yeah you could actually hit one of those corners and it could gut you you know for sure yep i mean this is all shale that stuff is so dangerous that's oh that one's dying oh jamie don't show us this this is all shale. That stuff is so dangerous. That's all. That one's dying. Oh, Jamie, don't show us this. This is so sad.

I had a bird come in my house the other day. And this poor little fucker, he flew right into the window. Dunk. I'm sorry, but it makes me laugh every time I see that. He thought he was going to go out and then woke up and then flew into another window. Full speed. Dunk. Out cold.

So I thought he was probably dead and my daughters were going oh no is he gonna die I go we don't know honey let's put him outside and hopefully he'll wake up fucker woke up he did yeah he woke up like five minutes later like shook it off and flew away like imagine that was a person

that thing was going like 30 miles an hour right into a window dunk little tiny bird too just he got KO'd but then got up and flew away came back for another round yeah I came in the house that was weird I was at a buddy's I was at a buddy's house uh at this like party and a fucking hummingbird flew right into the house like right through the double doors oh and was stuck in the skylights and it was panicking because it didn't know what to like it wasn't willing to come down so I was just fucked up enough that I was like i have this idea give me a fucking huge pan the

biggest pan from the kitchen and pour uh sugar and water in it heat up the sugar a little bit so and put it and i put the pan up to it i got on a ladder put it up it started getting in there to drink the sugar water and i slowly took it down and walked it outside. Dude, that's some wizard shit. I was wizardry, dude. That's very clever. I was fucking magic hands. That's very smart. You ever seen them in slow-mo, man? They're so bizarre.

They're fucking, their wings are moving so fast. It's unbelievable. It's insane. It's beautiful to watch, man. Oh, man. I was in Costa Rica, and we went to this place that had some sort of sanctuary for them. The Hummingbird Sanctuary. Yeah. Do you know what it is? Did you see it? I went down to Costa Rica just and we went to this place that had some sort of sanctuary for them. The hummingbird sanctuary. Yeah.

Do you know what it is? Yeah, dude. Did you see it? I went down to Costa Rica just last year. So they have these feeders, so you just hang out by them and take slow-mo on your iPhone, and you see the thing floating around your head? There it is right there. I mean, they could just hover.

It's so crazy. How did they evolve like this? It's so strange. No other bird makes that weird sound when it goes by you. It's like they have little wings, but they move stupid fast. How many per minute? Can you say, like, how many... I know their heartbeat is insane.

Their heartbeat is, like, 100 times ours or something like that. They're so cute. They don't seem like killers at all. No. Right? They're just out there eating pollen and shit, right? Look at ours or something like that. They're so cute. They don't seem like killers at all. No. Right? They're just out there eating pollen and shit, right? Look at that. Look at that.

That's incredible. Do they eat bugs? Like, what do they eat? They got that little tongue that's sticking out there. Right, but isn't that like going for like nectar and stuff? That's for nectar, yeah. This is going to have some facts for us. Hummingbird lay one to three eggs several times per year.

Eggs are about the size of a jelly bean. Huh. That's not good facts. I want to know what they eat. Yeah, I want to know that kind of shit. Look at that nose! They have the craziest beaks too. Like if that was a giant bird, you'd be like, what the fuck? That's pretty sick. Did you see what that just said? Yeah, they have an extra set of eyelids and they can see ultraviolet.

Whoa. That's fucking amazing. Whoa. That beak is crazy. That beak's like a narwhal horn. Like, it's so tiny, we don't notice how crazy long their beaks are. Dude, that's the other thing. I haven't seen the...

There's no consistency of color between all the birds. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Usually, most species have a similar color pattern. Is there a bunch of different kinds of hummingbirds? They eat insects. Oh, they do? Insects.

Flowers, tree sap. Tree sap. Pollen and insects. So they're omnivores. Interesting, man. Birds are a trip, dude. They are some of the most unique animals on our planet. I've really ignored them.

I really ignored birds until I saw my first eagle in person in the wild. It's crazy, right? Yeah. I saw it. I was with Ari. We were in Alaska. We were in Anchorage. We were going fishing.

We were salmon fishing. We were like, dude, that's a fucking wild eagle. Yeah. This eagle was just standing there on this branch just looking down on us. I was like, what? Like, you start realizing what they really are. Like, oh, that's like a murdering dinosaur bird that flies around and snatches fish out of the water. It was waiting for fish.

Yeah, just chilling. We were catching these fish. Dude, they were like this big. The salmon, these powerful fish. And this eagle comes down and grabs it out of the water with his talons and flies with it. It's fucking awesome. Dude, I started tripping out on birds after that. Just being near them in the wild and seeing them move around.

It just seems so different than seeing them in the zoo. They're so fucking hardcore. Their wingspans are so amazing to me when they open up, how fucking huge they are. Whenever you see one in person, you're like, that is way bigger than I thought. It's a view back to a much more ancient style of living thing. You know, I mean, it's a view back to dinosaurs. And they're starting to realize more and more dinosaurs, fossils are being found with feathers. How many fucking birds is that? Have you ever seen a moose in real life?

Oh, yeah. I've shot a moose. That's a moose right there. Whenever I go up to Canada, like, have you ever been to Banff? You know where that is in Alberta? Yeah, I know where that is. Dude, that has the biggest moose I've ever seen in my life. I've seen moose when I was a kid, but nothing like up in northern Canada.

Dude, I mean, the size of a fucking school bus. I mean, it's so big. I think people think they know what a moose is because you're like, yeah, I think it's like a cow or something. You know what I mean? Dude, they're massive, massive animals. They're so big. They're so big.

Shocking. It was twice the size of our car. I was like, get the fuck out of here. That's a moose? Yeah. They're so big, it's insane. And if you run into them, like you hit them with your car, you're fucked. Yeah, you're fucked. They'll wreck you. That was like growing up in the Midwest, dude. I'd hear people getting bad car accidents with deer all the time.

These guys in Canada, there is no stories about it. You die. You hit a fucking... It's not like, dude, you hear about Mike, he fucking hit a deer. It's like, you hit a moose, it's like like mike's car exploded mike is mike is dead a deer will fuck you up though there's a buddy of mine who lives in oregon a guy on the highway in his neighborhood hit a deer the deer flipped over his car and hit the car behind him fuck and went through the windshield and killed the guy really yeah the first guy. Really? The first guy was fine, huh? The first guy was fine. The car, the deer flipped over his car

like as he hit it, it went flying through the air and then it landed like right on. Right in this fucking. Into this guy's car and killed him. The craziest shit I ever saw, I was like 8 years old with my dad driving on the fucking Dan Ryan in Chicago and a car, the middle of the lane was, the fast lane

was under construction. A car went over the fucking median onto oncoming traffic and hit another car. Oh, Jesus. Like 100 yards in front of us. I watched it fucking happen. It was the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. And it was like the afternoon. I don't know if he was fucked up or what.

Right over the median, right into another car. And you saw the whole thing. I watched it happen. I mean, it felt so fake when I was a kid. I remember thinking, I remember getting older and asking my dad if it happened. Because I thought, you know, in your childhood, sometimes you're like, did I see that in a fucking thing? And that wasn't real. You know, and you formulate these different stories in your brain as a kid. Because, you know, that line of what's real and fake when you're so young.

But, dude, I can't forget that happening. It was crazy. That is crazy. Perfectly hit another car. It was almost as if like magnetic. Fucking head right head on. Wow. Yeah, it was wild.

I think those Fast and the Furious movies have fucked people up when it comes to like what you can and can't do in a car. Yeah, do they jump a car from like a building and shit to another building and live? It's fucking insane. I mean, there's a lot of dumb kids out there that watch those movies. They gotta be like, yo, man, I gotta give that a shot. There has to be someone who thinks that that's what's gonna happen. When they get behind the wheel, bro, I'm gonna be the best ever. I never even drove yet.

But once I drive, I'm gonna be the best ever. It's fucking over, dog. I watch that movie all the time. People just wanna be cool. They wanna be able to downshift, spin that wheel. Do you ever watch those fail videos online of people showing off, like showboating in nice cars? That's one of my favorite things. Like crashing?

Yeah, they're always like some guys like, some guys like, spin the wheels, dude. Some guy in like a fucking GTR is like, just right into the fucking wall next to him, just spin out and crash right away. It's just, dude, it's great. I love to see that shit. I love to, just spin out and crash right away. Dude, it's great. I love to see that shit. I love to see people showing off and then right away they're fucked. I love that shit. There's so many videos of that now, too.

I mean, it's almost like if you have a camera and you're pointing it at the guy, you're kind of hexing him because he's saying, man, I hope I don't fuck this up because it's going to be on every internet site, everyone's Twitter account, Instagram page. It's like you're kind of like putting too much pressure on him. Your accident is now shareable. Yeah. Your mistakes are now everyone's joy.

That's the world we're in now. Your fuck ups could be somebody's great Monday. Welcome to the new world. It's brilliant. It's a crazy new world, man. Didn't exist. It was never like this. Yeah, you didn't have to worry about someone seeing your fuck up. How old are you? 33.

I'm 49. When I was a kid, we didn't even have, like, when I was a boy, you heard stories. Somebody fucked up somewhere over there. This guy did that. That's all there was. One guy in our town killed someone in a car and dragged this guy around like he got the guy stuck under his car and he just kept driving fuck did he not know he was under there or he was like fuck

it i don't care i'm going to prison they don't know they don't know if he was drunk i don't i don't know i don't know when he got caught either but it was a story it was in the news and i remember it was in like uh i was delivering newspapers at the time. So I saw it like in the newspapers that I was delivering. It's so weird to have known someone and then know that they ran over somebody in a car and then dragged him around. Yeah, I didn't know him well, but he was like one of those guys in the town. I think he was a little older than me, but he was one of those guys that was always kind of hanging out with a nice car. Yeah.

He always had like a nice Trans Am. I was just going to say, an IROC Z was about the... Yeah, his family had money, and he ran over someone and dragged him around. There was always this thing about people whose families had money, like the rich kids. Get away with it. Well, it was a weird thing, too. It's like we knew that they were like a little off. Like, you always knew that the rich kids were

never like a complete human right they were always like a like there was just a few of them they were just a little like if you knew they were rich there's probably a lot of kids we didn't know they were rich and they were rich but it was they weren't fucked up so it didn't come through right but the ones that wanted everybody to know they were rich like they always had designer clothes on right and they always had the nicest shit and they always had like brand new cars like when they were 17 this guy had a brand new car there it's almost like they're uh a little bit uh animatronic like there's something robotic about really rich kids where it's just kind of like uh super super high functioning in a very like disconnected level because they're so unaware

of what it's like to not have yeah well i Well, I'm watching these shows with my kid. We went to see this Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually a funny movie, man. There's some funny shit in there. I laughed hard a couple times in that movie. Yeah? I just went because they wanted to go.

Yeah. But in this movie, one of the things that really strikes home is everyone is struggling. This fucking kid is like everything is falling apart always Constantly right and because of that he's kind of got a fun personality Like he gets checked all the time as soon as he gets cocky he gets crushed again, right? It just keeps happening through and there's a whole series of these movies But like that's not happening to that the rich kid that I grew up with no fuck No, that's why probably when he hit the guy in his car and had the guy stuck under his car,

he didn't know what the fuck to do. Yeah, he's fucked. I mean, he just thought he was going to get away with whatever. He figured... I just got to get away from the cops. I got to get away. I'll just clean the car. There was a kid I went to high school with that had a hit and run.

And he got away with it. I mean, obviously, I didn't know it was this kid that went to high school, but he got away with it for a long fucking time. It was such a public story that a famous NASCAR driver at the time painted her name on his car, like, find so-and-so's killer,

because it was such a fucking big deal. This girl that was hit and run. And he came out years later. This is crazy. He was pilled the fuck up and he showed up to her sister's house and admitted the whole thing to her sister and was saying he was gonna like run away kill himself whatever and she cleverly she spoke polish she told her husband to fucking call the cops and was trying to calm this kid down in the meanwhile telling him to

call the cops and they finally caught this kid before he could fucking off himself or something but he killed this girl on a hit and run and thought he and got for what it's worth got away with it for a long time And but he was probably not a bad person It just was weak at the time and it haunted her for yeah, he had it had to come out Fuck crazy right that's a mistake that if you make Do shit like that happen like like from from your area of where you grew up like do you read stuff now years later that? You hear about fucked up shit from back then that like has gotten exposed now like these teachers like these teachers i knew ran a fucking prostitution ring

came out in the paper the teachers did the teachers dude the shop the old shop teacher his daughter the shop teacher was pimpin dude that That's insane. Who were the girls? The girls were high school students? No, not high school students. They were fucking just like girls in the community. Probably girls that went to high school and graduated, but older girls that they were pimping out. From the school. They were pimping from school.

What school was this? This was out in the suburbs of Chicago. Wow. Here's the question. If they did make prostitution legal, they set it up just like you can go get a massage, you can go have sex with somebody. Yep. How much would that change, like, the notion of marriage, relationships? Nobody's getting married, dude.

That's it. It's over. It's over. It's only a law that's keeping, like, what percentage of people married. I mean, you said it before when we touched on this prior. The reason that we make it okay is because the church gets involved, right? So if the church says it's okay. It's like my dad was a drug addict growing up. My dad was in and out of prison my whole life when I was a kid. And my mother divorced my father when I was one.

So I don't really have any recollection of any of that. So I don't have that damage that people are like, my dad got divorced when we were 16. I didn't see it. I didn't know it. that like damage that people are like, my dad got divorced when we were 16. I didn't see it. I didn't know it. But my mom came from such a hardcore Irish Catholic world that my family, the older generation didn't approve and was like, you can't divorce this man. That's against our religion. And my mom was like, he's a fucking terrible person to me. I have to get out of this relationship. And now she was just, they were both young. you know, she just wanted to make the right move for, for a baby. But the church has so

much influence on certain parts of society that my grandmother was like almost disowning. Like, but that's such a reality for that generation that it was like, how could you, what do you mean divorce? I mean, that's like, you're, you're, you're, you're going to hell. Like, that's it. what do you mean divorce i mean that's like you're you're you're you're going to hell like that's it you're done so my mom had that kind of fuck up in her brain of like that that's how much influence the church has over marriage and coupling and it's crazy it's fucking crazy it's unbelievably ridiculous that people succumb to that it's so crazy it's controlling man well the catholic church in particular is one of the weirdest ones ever. Oh, it's so strange It's just insanely high percentage of people that are involved in child abuse

Yeah, I mean what other religion has that connected to it like that? There's none Like not what the Muslim is the biggest in the world, right? Biggest religion in the world, right? I think it is. It's not Christianity. Yeah, they're probably toe-to-toe either way you don't hear about that so are they covering up shit it's not the same thing the thing about the priests and the priests being forced to be celibate and then spending time with boys like that shit has always gone bad yeah forcing guys to be celibate bad forcing guys to hang out with boys bad bad. Awful. Someone, something is weird, weird shit's going to happen if there's no parents in the room. Dude, when as soon as you deprive someone of something, they are going to have it.

They want it immediately. And then you attach to it the ultimate power that comes from being a representative of God. Yeah. Like you're wearing a priest's outfit to a little kid. Like that kid will suck your dick. He'll do anything you say. He doesn't know what's going on he's a baby ooh crazy it's so dark dude

deep dark mind control and when you find out how many of them yeah that's the thing it's not just one it's not just ten like the more you hear the more you're like dude this is not a fucking accident these aren't coincidences this isn't like a conspiracy this is a fact that this

is rampant and it's crazy. It's crazy because it's still happening. Oh, they don't talk about it. Yeah, it's like it's, you know. Well, how about that Benedict guy, the Pope that had to resign? They found out that he had been involved in the moving of these child molesters from one place to another place. Keeping them clean. They would close

the story down, shut everybody up, and then move that guy to another place. And one of the guys went on to molest a hundred deaf kids what yeah molested a hundred deaf kids and he was put into that position by this guy who wound up being the Pope a hundred deaf hundred deaf kids yeah I was it's horrible fucking awful it's hot there's so much involved in it there's so many people awful it's hard there's so much involved in it there's so many people that covered shit up there's so many different versions of these stories so many stories thousands and thousands of stories of people molested by priests

yeah i mean it's crazy and if you bring it up immediately you get people defending it no no no look you're exaggerating like i've said this before. Imagine if NASCAR drivers fucked that many kids. It'd be shut down. Shut the fuck down. But because it's the church, we're like, but there's good things too. They're working for God. It's crazy that

any organization can have a history of fucking kids. We're working for God. Is God's side job fucking children? Because whatever it is, it's not working. But we forgive them. It's not all bad. We don't want to break the whole thing up. Definitely don't want to do that. No, stealing is not bad. Fucking a kid

is the same as like some minor bullshit infraction in society. And thousands and thousands of cases, maybe even millions of cases. And then still you have these world leaders like Trump met with the Pope. The Pope was all bummed out. Trump should be like, I'm bummed out to be next to you,

motherfucker. What about what you represent? You mad at me because I'm pulling out of the climate accord? What about all the kid fucking, bro? Did you bring up the kid fucking? He's been fucking kids. Oh, that's right. You do a good Trump. Have you seen the pictures of Trump with the Pope? The Pope's totally dissing Trump.

The Pope is real bummed. The Pope should relax. He's as slow as fucking roll. You're part of a giant kid fucking ring. Yeah, who do you think you are, man? Yeah, you're getting cocky because the billionaire guy who tricked America into voting for him is uncomfortable? Do you know what the thing that bothers me the most is?

The church is all about fucking the community and the people. They don't pay taxes on all this great real estate they own. Tons of it. How come they can't house homeless people or sick people in those churches all day long while they're there? That's free property. Yeah. I don't understand. There it is.

Yeah, fucking pissed. I can't believe I got to do this. Trump's like, my hair looks good. It's a good hair day. It's a good hair day. Pope, you like my hair? Touch it. It's real.

I swear. The guy that I use went to Tony and Guy, the hairstylist school. The color of his hair is like the color of every retired Florida golfer in his 70s. It's fucking so gross. He's got this weird blonde gray thing going on. It's like he moves it around a little. Some days it's like a darker brown. Some days it's like a blonde. Blonde gray.

It's just like sand. He's getting it worked on is what I'm saying. This is not the color of the hair. You do one of two things. Let me be clear about this. Either you work on your hair or you don't work on your hair. Okay? So either you dye your fucking hair or you don't dye your hair.

It's one of those two things. How fucking weird. And when you dye your hair, be consistent. You can't go gray and then be blonde again and then be dark haired. It's too confusing to me. I need to know what kind of a person are you. Like how much are you working on your hair? What's your level of hair care?

How much time are you spending putting that together every day? Did Donald Trump change his hair? Of course he did. Fucking obviously. Of course he did. He's changed his hair color. He's moving it around. His hair is probably very gray at this point. He's in his hair color. It goes. He's moving it around. His hair is probably very gray at this point

He's in his 70s. There's nothing wrong with that. What did you think about all this Kathy Griffin shit? She's ridiculous. It's fucking insane She needs friends. Why are you doing that? It's just it's a hundred percent attention What a bullshit call for attention being edgy She thought she was being edgy and she probably was talking with the wrong people and got the wrong idea in her head and went With it and had no one like you around to go, what the fuck are you talking about? That's the president. And it's a person. Yeah, it's a human.

Yeah, you can't pretend you want to murder him ISIS style and hold his head up to the camera like a hostage video. That's fucking crazy. I think it's just, it's one of those things where both parties, both extreme left and extreme right, are at such a heightened version of what's happening that people are becoming blind to like logic. Yes. You're 100% right. Logic is like, it's gone. Yeah. You would fucking never.

If somebody did that with Obama, holy shit. Oh my God. Oh my oh my god i mean the fucking world would stop spinning there'd be so much chaos from that it would be fucking it would be an insane thing to see that happen well look it's just that's not anyone's solution like that's not a real so like holding up that head is not a real solution. Like killing anybody like that. It's a taunt. Not only that, even if it's like the worst person in the world, cutting their head off and holding it up like that is fucking barbaric. We wouldn't even want that from Osama Bin Laden. If we

found the video of Osama Bin Laden and one of the SEALs held him down and cut his head off and then held it up to the camera, we'd be fucking extremely, like what are we doing? Why didn't you just kill him? Kill him. Like, we're not them. Shoot him and kill him. We're not torturing him. We're not trying to terrorize all these other people.

We are not going to become what we're afraid of. Right. Right? I mean, that's what she's doing. By holding that head up, you are becoming what you were afraid of. You're becoming a monster. You're dead faced. You're not even emotionally attached to the fact that you're holding up this bloody head.

Like, what kind of nonsense, false imagery is this? You don't really think that. You don't really feel that. Is it art? What is it? Is it art? I'm sure that's what the argument from her sake was. It's an artistic piece with a photographer who's...

But it's about a real person. It's not Medusa. It's not like a dragon's head you're holding up. This is crazy. If it's your own head, you can make a funny statement. If you're trying to make a This is crazy. If it's your own head. If it's your own head, you can make a funny statement. If you're trying to make a statement, sure. But it's like, what are you doing? You're terrorizing that person.

I know everybody thinks that the president has to assume a certain amount of mockery, and I agree that he does. Sure. I agree. Everybody in any position of power like that, you're going to have people coming at you. Of course. But there's a difference between that and advocating a brutal assassination and terror video that's head removal that's just yeah it's not that's not no one's going to be sympathetic towards your idea and in fact you're going to empower the people that are opposed to you because they're going to think oh these people are these crazy ideologues

who want to like literally promote the murder and torture of someone, cutting their head off. The whole thing is crazy. But it's just it's something that people do where they're trying to get attention and they're trying to entertain or trying to be shocking. It's a continuation of trying to be in people's frontal lobe. You know, it's like people in Hollywood at some point just want to stay in Hollywood. And I feel like that's what she does a lot. I want to do something controversial

on the fucking New Year's Eve host that she does or whatever so she can stay in Hollywood. This great director once told me that imagine if this is an actor as if we're the sun and the earth and moving around one another, just like an actor in a spotlight. It's as if the spotlight is on the actor at some point, but when it moves away, if the actor tried to move towards it is when it becomes sad. When it's shifted out of your line of sight, when your work and your progress has shifted as if your time perhaps may be coming to a close as far as it's worth, when you are continuing to search for it, there's nothing more desperate and more obvious. He's like, you can always see when someone's hunting for it again.

It looks sad. It looks desperate. It's also contrary to the very reason people like you in the first place. People like you because you're doing things they enjoy. Exactly They enjoy exactly doing good work. You're doing good comedy. You make it a good movie Whatever the fuck you do making a good song. That's why they like you They don't want to like you because you're trying to get attention. Yeah, or that you're trying to get people to to just Well, I mean, what is that? I mean, what what what do you get out of of holding a head like what kind of a tent do you get like a yeah what did you think go

girl like yeah we're with you fuck him kill him like you're there's people that do think like that and they could have easily been right there might be left they could have easily been right it's a it's a way of thinking and you get that way of thinking and then you program yourself. You get locked into this predetermined pattern of behavior. Like all right-wing people, like a giant percentage of them have like an established

series of opinions about certain things that we count on because they're the right. Like abortion, or even it used to be gay marriage was one of them. There's always a bunch of them that are just... Climate change is one of them. It's like halfway there, maybe 25% of them, hardcore on the right.

Whereas the left, climate change is almost 100% accepted. Without question. It's weird. How do these ideas become right or left ideas? Who logged them into the database of which side do they belong on? It's talking points. People on Fox News start talking about it. People agree with it.

They like convenient things. It's a cycle. It comes and goes. Don't worry about it. What we need is jobs. And then they run with that. And it's this predetermined pattern that people just love to fall into, man. It's weird.

It's creepy. There should no longer be separation of just permanent party. It shouldn't be you're always left and always right. That's so fucked up. We're too vulnerable. Yeah. I feel it myself. I feel myself the urge to be a part of groups.

I do it all the time. We all do. We all do. That is nature and habit, right? Everyone wants to belong to a community. That's why fraternities exist. That's why when you join a gym, you start to see people repetitively that you know. It starts off with that guy you see all the time.

Then it's, hey, man. Oh, yeah. And then it becomes a relationship you create because it's communal. Because, oh, we both do this thing. We both enjoy it. I see you often. We do this thing. We create tribes. We love haciendas. we like to be a part of our little tribe and when it

gets infiltrated it you you become vulnerable you feel like the walls are weakening it's almost like when the word gentrification gentrification really just means a tribe's area has been compromised. It's like, this has been this for so long. When white people or people of privilege or money move into anywhere, they're trying to overtake that tribe. That's why there's so much backlash. That's why people fucking get so angry about neighborhoods turning over, quote unquote, because they're like, what can be ours?

It's such a fucking delicate thing because you're like, you't stop that you're never going to stop that well not only that it's there's a game being played and you're a part of it because you're paying rent yep and there's a game being played you're part of it when you're working you're getting paid for your time during that now you have to decide what you're going to do with that time yeah and you might feel very stuck in this game that you're at right now where you're paying this guy for rent and you're working for that guy and he's giving you a certain amount of money and it all kind of like evens out at the end. There's nothing left over. But you're still playing a game. This guy's playing the game too, but he's been playing it for 35 years.

And his game is I buy houses. Right. And I sell them to white people. And I'm going to keep playing that fucking game because this is all legal and this is why you pay me rent stupid It's a fucking we know the game But the game is I'm 30 years ahead of the game than you right and you know I'm a 70 year old guy with a fucking pocket protector filled with pens and I've got a bunch of Apartment buildings all over the place and I flip those fuckers. There's a lot of those guys out there like this gentrification thing

I know it's uncomfortable for people. They're like, we're losing the old neighborhood. Like, let's go back to the fucking teepees. Let's go back to the cave. We lost the old caves, man. We're not the same once we moved out of the caves. It's going to happen. It's all changed. Neighborhoods shift.

Things change. You can't hold them back. You can't decide, no, we want this neighborhood to stay shitty. Or we want this neighborhood to be all Puerto Rican. Well, listen,

sometimes it doesn't work that way. Some people die. New people move in. Do you really care if Swedish people move in your neighborhood? You know, we're losing Chinatown. What do we do? Are you going to be okay? Is it okay if they live here or people... There's going to be change. It's going to come

and go. You can't control it. You can't control it based on nostalgia. This has always been East Harlem's finest Slovakia place. We have to keep it. Like, no we don't. No one has to do anything. I do love East Harlem's famous Slovaki place, I will say. I don't even know what that is.

It's not even a thing. I'm searching for a word. But I was like, that happens like when restaurants close and people get furious. Yeah, someone doesn't have to fucking keep the restaurant open, stupid. I was just up in Seattle and these guys, these Costa Rican guys I started talking to at the Fremont Brewery

were telling me about this great Caribbean food place up the street. And I said, what makes it so great? And he's like, you know, it's just the recipe. Because the guy that used to own it

was this Cuban guy, just a brilliant chef, and he got sued for illegal wage garnishing of these illegal employees that couldn't speak English. So he got sued so the city shut him the fuck down. Some other fucking white rich guy came in,

bought the recipes from the guy to help him out with his lawsuit. Still runs. Wow. Just as good. It can be done if someone does it correctly, I guess. He bought the recipes. He was like, the mistake I think when people buy a bar or buy a place, they think they're buying the place. No, there's more than just the brick and mortar.

There's more to it than that. So he knew the food success was because of this guy, the way he did it. You can't just, like, it's not just a Cuban restaurant or a Caribbean restaurant. He was like, I want to do it exactly how you did it. So he paid for him to give him those recipes. So he cooked. Just the recipes? Or did he show him how he was

cooking it too? He paid him for the recipes and I don't know the rest of the details. That is to get it back to where it was. And this dude from Costa Rica was like, still the same. I fucking love it. He was just a couple of white guys that are back there now. He's the same food. It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate people that live in these neighborhoods that are

being forced out. You're going to have to get a new place to live and you can't afford it. You can't afford to live in the neighborhood anymore because people are buying it up. I get it. I understand that it sucks, but ultimately it's probably good for everybody. It's definitely good for the neighborhood. The neighborhood's going to get like these nice houses now and people are going to move in. They're going to have, it's going to be more value. If you did buy a place, if you did take the risk and bought a place, that place can be worth more money now. Right. I know maybe you couldn't buy a place, if you did take the risk and bought a place, that place can be worth more money now. I know maybe you couldn't buy a place.

I know it's hard to buy a place when I get paid. I get it. But you don't have to do that. Right. I know you feel like you have to do that. And they can come up with a bunch of excuses. And everybody would argue all day long about white privilege. And you're lucky and this and that.

But the bottom line is you're not in a cage. All right. If you're not in a cage and you're out there doing something you could figure out a way Maybe it's a month from now maybe it's six months from now to transition into something else figure your way through the maze right We don't all start at the same spot in the maze no agreed couldn't but don't ever complain about your spot in the maze Just figure figure your way through that thing you're in the mace. Yeah, it sucks definitely hard not easy keep moving Keep moving keep moving don't jam this up with your tears, you fuck. Keep moving!

You don't understand capitalism, and that's why I'm a socialist. Okay? Just keep moving, though. You're not just talking too much. You're not moving enough. Go do it. Yeah, there's not enough happening here. There's complaining about other things happening. I get it. I get it. It's not good. The climate change agreement is a terrible thing to leave. It's complaining about other things happening. I get it. I get it. It's not good. The climate change

agreement is a terrible thing to leave. It's a bad thing to leave. His own daughter told him not to leave. But I never liked croissants, so we gotta get out of Paris. She did. His own daughter was like, this is a bad idea. This guy's crazy.

He's going against science. He is perfectly out of his fucking mind. He's going against science. He is perfectly out of his fucking mind. He's going against science. The scientists are saying, hey, we've got to reduce emissions. 100%. We're polluting the air we breathe. We're ruining the very air that we need to exist on. Yep.

No. Not true. Don't agree. Fake news. We bought new air. There's so much air. Have you ever seen how much air there is? Maybe he's doing this because he's about to move into position to use one of those gigantic

building-sized air filter things. Maybe he's going to have a Trump air filter. Trump air filters. And set them up in every city. You could all go back and buy diesel trucks and no one's going to care anymore. We're going to clean that air nice. It's kind of like Idiocracy. Did you ever see that movie?

So ahead of its time, man. I never saw that movie. Dude, it was that kind of thing where the future is like they's going to care anymore. We're going to clean that air nice. It's kind of like Idiocracy. Did you ever see that movie? So ahead of its time, man. I never saw that movie. Dude, it was that kind of thing where the future is like, they don't drink water anymore. They'd be convinced by this, this like Gatorade type drink where it's like, this is better than water. And people are like, it's gotta be. So everyone fucking drinks it. That makes sense.

They're like, it's better than water. If you can convince enough people what it is, people will get on board. Blind faith. I'm trying to talk about that on stage right now about blind we have so much blind faith like i ate a fucking i went to the gas station to get this thing i ate a brownie it was like a uh power like a you know protein packed brownie or whatever i just trusted that that's all real i don't fucking know what that's probably just a bullshit ass brownie but it's like packed with protein yeah if you actually got the real statistics on it yeah it's probably bullshit yeah there it is craved it's like packed with protein. Yeah, if you actually got the real statistics on it. Yeah, it's probably bullshit. It's got what plants craved.

It's got electrolytes. It's got what plants craved. What was the name of the stuff? What was it called? Does it say what it was called? The juice. But it looked like Gatorade. It was like they were watering their plants with it and shit.

Nothing was alive anymore. But out of the sink would come this fucking Gatorade type looking drink. Brondo. That's right. Brondo. The's right. Brondo. The thirst mutilator. Fuck your thirst. That's hilarious.

I need to watch that movie. Click on that picture to the up, just all the way over, down at the left. That one. Yeah, look at that. That's what the world has become. That makes sense. You see the size of that Costco? That's hilarious. That has become that makes sense you see the size that Costco That's hilarious that could happen totally

That's all totally possible. Have you been watching this Handmaid's Tale? No, what is that? No have you know about is it on Hulu man? What is a book written? I want to say 20 years ago It's a Elizabeth Moss is a star of it. It's essentially about If World War three broke out and we became like an ultimate police state and there was like a sub government that took over and we went back to essentially biblical times when women who were fertile were used for the rich as handmaids for making babies. Whoa, dude, it's fucking trippy as shit. Whoa, you got to watch it, bro. So it's based on modern time yes it takes place in modern time as if World War three broke out I don't want

to give you too many details but then we're under a police state so these handmaids these fertile women who are of lower socio-economic status they must wear these things and abide by their masters which are the wealthy one percenters of the world who own these fertile women because their wives are infertile so they must repopulate this new community. Dude, it's fucking right up your alley. It's insanely good. But it was a book that was written...

Meanwhile, that's a total possibility. Well, that's why dude's getting so much love. In fact, some of the parallels in the show of what's going on in society now and some of the commentary, because this was shot prior to the election, it's so specific. I mean, that's why people are falling in love with it because they're like this is creepily real like it's almost you know i i think with what especially from a for for what i've heard from women's perspective you know like taking the fear of women's rights being removed as far as things like

planned parenthood or or what have you the choices of your own fucking body, I think there's so much echoed in this show that it feels creepily real, where it's like you could one day just go like they do in one of the scenes without giving anything away. It's like all the women are fired today. Well, you know that Iran of today is nothing like Iran of like the 1960s. No. Have you ever seen like the difference between Iran then and now? No.

They became when, I think when it was, when the Shah took, no, when the Ayatollah took over because the Ayatollah was a religious figure and he took over

and changed the country. I'm terrible with Iranian history so if you're listening to this and you're upset that I'm getting it wrong. So many Iranians are fucking pissed.

Essentially, they used to dress like much more free. Yeah, look at that. It was like much more westernized. It was like the 70s. many Iranians are fucking pissed. Essentially, they used to dress like much more free. Yeah, look at that. It was like much more westernized. It was like the 70s. It looked like the 70s. Yeah, it looked like 70s in the United States.

I mean, and then shit changed. And now, if you go there today, I mean, look, the Middle East is the shining example of what is possible in 2017 as far as suppression of women. Look at how low cut her shirt is there. Hot. I mean, that's, you're dead if you'd wear that now. Ooh, big old titties too.

Let's go. Chaka, chaka, chaka. Yeah. I mean, that'd be it, right? She'd be fucking slain for that. Now they have to cover their head. I mean, they have like religious scarf laws. And you know what's really crazy is they're better than like Saudi Arabia.

I mean, Saudi Arabia is what you can and can't do today. I mean, you're essentially like a second class citizen if you're a woman. Below. I don't think there's, are they allowed to drive now? Are they changing that? I don't know. I know there's some people that are trying to change that. There's some people that are progressive over there that are trying to change that.

I think they're straight property, man. That's what they view them as, like straight numbers. The idea you have to keep your head covered, you have to wear those robes and the garb, and then there's women that are trying to say that that's a source of empowerment. There's a bunch of crazy people out there. Just like there was always Uncle Toms

during the Civil Rights Movement, and just like people are just... There's always going to be black guys for Trump. There's always contrarians. And you're like, really? Yeah. There's going to be women that say that wearing the, how do you say it? Hijab? Hijab, I think. Hijab.

Yeah, hijab. It's empowering for women. The fuck it is, you have to wear it. It's a religious symbol of oppression. How could you, I understand being born into something and not knowing any other way. I do understand that. I get it too. Right.

But at the same time. Or born into it and being convinced that this is the way that it should be. But when you see freedom of the world, when you see the freedom of the world, that we're all born fucking naked and free to be these things. I don't know why there isn't a little bit more of a click that goes, why do these women in other places have more freedom? Because because the goal of any sort of religious fucking constriction is questioning right so if you question it you're automatically fucked but if you question it enough where you research and you look and you find out and you learn i would assume you would become enchanted with the idea of being free of just wanting to not have someone fucking tell you where you can walk, what you can do. That makes sense.

But when you connect an ideology with God and with the idea of the divine, that's the ultimate reason to stick around. At the end of the day, it's clothes. Clothes are made by people. If you're telling me that God is saying that you have to wear some kind of clothes and not other kind of clothes, I'm calling bullshit. Yeah, who's the people? You're not talking to God. He's never talked to you and told you to wear that kind of clothes and not other kind of clothes. I'm calling bullshit. Yeah, who's the people? You're not talking to God. He's never talked to you and told you to wear that. This is crazy.

And when you have an ideology where you're trapped into dressing a certain way or wearing certain clothes or wearing a certain emblem or some sort of a symbol, you're trapped by the mind of a human being. That is the mind of a human being. They've created a pattern that they want you to not deviate from whatsoever I want you to walk around like this We're gonna cover this and you're gonna wear these and maybe have one of those on your neck and maybe a certain amount of beads That symbolizes you're you're single. You're not

Bullshit. Yeah, this is somebody this is by a person. This is some cult shit It's a guy in a hundred percent has nothing to do with God like you you would be serving God more to be free and naked Like that God created you if God is real. But naked. He didn't make clothes. God doesn't have any stock in Levi's.

God's not making burkas. God would like you to be naked if that's real. If God just lets you or wear whatever the fuck you want because it's all there

for humans to wear. Right. Like, if people are making clothes, they're making clothes for people, they should be able to wear whatever the fuck they want. If I was God, I would say, yeah, that makes sense where where would you like stay warm? You know sure don't die. I guess yeah Yeah, I think the only reason I want to cover your hair. Why this is nonsense. This is people talk

Yeah, someone said that a person said it we believe in it. Well the priest must dress like a wizard Why why does he have to dress like that? No one dresses like the Pope anymore? Why is the Pope dressed like the Pope get the fucking get the suit off someone loved wizardry so much they were like I gotta we gotta fucking keep that we got to keep somebody in that I used to always think that when I was a kid and I'd have to go to church I'm like why does he have to wear that stupid fucking collar so so it's so silly to me what is that collar he has to wear that collar so I know that he's real I'm the one oh he's got the thing

on he's got the priest collar look at that I know that he's real? I'm the one. Oh, he's got the thing on. He's got the priest collar. Look at that. Look at that pope. He's got wings like he's in a fucking video. He's a wingsuit, yeah. An MTV video in the 80s. What is that? That one's sponsored by Red Bull. Is that blowing in the wind?

Is that what it is? That's the answer, my friend. That's his wings. Blowing in the wind. Blowing in the wind. Catholicism was one of the, and this is what I was raised in, sort of. Look at this wizard hat, Joe, just for you. Look above.

It's my favorite. There you go. This is, look at that, that's so funny. And why is that any more outrageous than that fucking thing that he actually did wear? It's the same shit, yeah. That's even more weird. Look at that, the giant crucifix.

Look at his fucking hat. Oh my God, they're so silly. They're the silliest people. The fact that anybody says, yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy, keep that picture up there. Don't change that. Look how heavy the clothes look. Just go full screen with that.

What in the fuck are we looking at here? This guy's got a three-foot-tall hat on, and it's all gold, and studded and ornate. Like, wouldn't you think that God would want you to be humble? If you're a servant of God, are you really supposed to be covered in gold? Gold. Look at his gold fucking pimp ring. Like, I represent God with my nugget ring. Look at that nugget.

Kiss it. This is a Persian rug draped around his shoulders. This fucking, this elaborate work on that robe thing that he's got on. It's so preposterous. The idea that God would want you to dress like that. You know what I always think of when I see, like, big elaborate things like this? Is at the end of the day, he's got he's gonna like take that off to take a shit and it's like so sad to like or take that off and drape it on the ground you know what i mean when he's sitting there stacks

it on his lower back like it's a wedding dress wipe he did a terrible job of cleaning up so the the bottom of it has a little shit stain on it but he's still the pope so he's bringing it up to the sink and he's trying to wash it in the sink and it's just sort of wet and brown. He's trying to get that little shit streak out of the bottom of his thing. We call him the poop Pope, but don't say that. You're being disrespectful to my beliefs. You're disrespectful.

Yes. If this is what you believe, if you believe this guy is the fucking guy who's talking for God, come on, man. I'm not saying there's no God. What I'm saying, we have to be very wary of people. They're just people. And cults. And people and the patterns of thinking and behaving

that they want you to engage in. This is what we're looking at here. There's two people holding this guy's fucking coat. These two guys who are dressed like gay matadors. Like giant, gold-encrusted gay matadors. And they're holding on to his cape. They're fighting the devil. And they're walking with him as he walks around with his giant staff of magic.

He's got a wizard's wand. It's a goddamn Gandalf wand. He's dressed like a wizard, and he's got a staff. Like, why isn't that glowing? Why isn't there a lightning bolt going from that up into the storm clouds? That looks like the level of cape bitch is way above the other guys like that's a graduation for them to be Cape bitches real bit That's a big deal Cape bitch is a huge position These guys these two Cape bitches the guy in the left probably annoying as fuck I bet he tells a lot of long stories

But he gets the Pope alone. He's like you know I just wanted to tell you about my cousin and his His in the Lord. And, you know, I think right now he's not getting along too good. Is this the first pope that's okay with gay marriage? Isn't that what he said? Yeah, he's got to say that. He's the first one that was like, whatever. He tossed out the throne, too. He's got a normal chair.

Does he? Yes. That's kind of cool. It is kind of cool. But I think that was probably a joint effort. They're like, look. It was a PC move. It was a politically fucking correct move.

See these doors behind me? There's a thousand kids back there waiting to suck your dick. Okay, we got to make this right, though. We got to clean up the image. We're still going to do plenty of kid fucking. What if you saw the Pope threw away his chair and got one of those medicine balls to sit on? You know what I mean? He had standing desks and shit.

He started getting into corporate America. What are you showing me here Jamie? Is that the popemobile the new one or the popemobile the new one doesn't have bulletproof glass anymore The last Pope was like I know they want to kill me. I'm hiding look at they don't even need glass to go the way up Cuz his back arches over so much. He doesn't sit up straight. They don't need high glass. It's like a child window I wonder if that is different colors of glass because I would imagine you want to keep the headshots from coming down from the roof. Totally. I mean, if someone's going to shoot that dude.

But this guy doesn't even think anybody's going to shoot him. And he's like, if someone wants to shoot me, they'll fucking shoot me. Do it. It's done. Yeah, he's exposed. Is it a Benz? It's a Benzo, huh? Yeah, you know, God always said he loved Mercedes more. Baby Jesus loves a G-Wagon, kid. Like, the other old ones are Benz, too.

The old bulletproof one. I bequeath my son a Mercedes Benz. Boy, there's nothing that says faith like driving around in a bulletproof fish tank. Right? I mean, that just shows you you really have a belief that God has a plan. Can run flat, half-inch thick steel plate, lightweight Kevlar armor. God damn it. Three-inch composite plastic glass

with sand explosive. Jesus Christ. It's five tons. That's 10,000 pound truck. That's crazy. 15 miles an hour. That's very efficient. Yeah, that is really efficient. Zero to 60 in six seconds. What? That's quick, dude. Wait a minute. How's that even possible? That's bullshit. Get that fucking thing on

top gear. Run a stop sign or stopwatch with that. There's no way that gets zero to 60 in six seconds. We're going to race the Popemobile versus the king of Saudi Arabia's mobile. That's hilarious. Dude, you sound like the guy from not top gear. It's like fifth gear or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that it? The other one? Yeah, that's the other one. That's who I am. You sound just like him. That's creepy. The Popemobile. Something I like about British car

analysts. Oh, dude, me so much. Well, they take the piss out of everything. I like how it's self-deprecating there. When they shit on cars, it's my favorite. Jeremy Clarkson's the best. Dude, it's hilarious. The way he shits on things is so much fun. And I just like to see fucking friends dump on each other on TV. Yeah.

I think that's fun to watch people dump on each other. Well, especially in this day and age, it would be considered bullying. Yeah. Or just bullying their friend. That's really rude to pick on him like that. Yeah. They just go after each other constantly. It's a fun show, man.

Yeah. They have a beer afterwards. Oh, for sure. It's fucking fine. Well, they were playing characters. Like, James May would be Captain Slow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that

shit. They fucked up when they canceled that show. Jeremy Clarkson punched some producer and they canceled the show and fired him. They even knocked out a tooth or some shit like that. He's drunk. That's what happens. You want to hang out with a big, crazy, drunk dude, you want to talk shit. Don't talk shit. Talk shit, get hit. You guys are all drinking. That's how it goes down. You want to hang out with a big, crazy drunk dude. You want to talk shit. Don't talk shit. Talk shit, get hit.

You guys are all drinking. That's how it goes down. You guys had a bar fight. Yeah. It's the most normal thing happened. And he apologized afterwards. And the other guy accepted it. It was just, they fucked up.

Yeah, why can't that be the end of it? I don't know, man. And they have a new one they're doing now. And Matt LeBlanc from Friends is on it. No. Is he a big car guy? Yes. Oh, wow. He's a giant car guy. And he's a new one they're doing now. And Matt LeBlanc from Friends is on it. No. Is he a big car guy? Yes. Oh, wow.

He's a giant car guy. And he's a nice guy. Yeah, I don't know anything about him, but I didn't know that. Comes off like a good car guy. It's not that he's bad. It's just that, god damn, Jeremy Clarkson is a fucking icon. Yeah. He's a maniac, man.

He's an icon. But Matt LeBlanc, is he a car collector? Does he have his own car? He loves cars. I don't know to what extent, but he definitely loves cars. He knows how to drive, too. He drives on the show. He's driving a Porsche 911R.

He can rip it. He knows what he's doing. That's good. Yeah, he can drive. So he must have some experience, some real track time experience. But the guy Chris Harris, who's on it, he's been on the podcast before. That guy, he's my favorite. He's funny.

Out of all the guys out there that are reviewing cars now. And he knows so much about them. Like, he really understands the geometry and the physics behind it. Like, the suspension. He can tell you what they've changed, what they've improved. Yeah. What it feels like and what's being lost in this. That's always impressive to me to have a bevy of knowledge like that.

My dad's worked in the automotive aftermarket industry for so my stepdad who's my dad but what does he do dude for years and years he worked for uh the the ever-famous turtle wax car wash he was the president of sales for turtle wax wow and then now he works standard the gold standard dude and now he works uh but the turtle fired him the shell fired him fuck them and then he works for this company called haynes who's out of Britain. And they are one of the last remaining companies that makes A to Z manuals on hand-building vehicles. Wow. So if you want to hand-build kit cars or you want to literally build a car from fucking scratch, most of their sales go to mechanics, auto body shops.

most of their sales go to like mechanics auto body shops but they're also they own the rights to um fictional how do i say this they own the rights to fictional mechanics uh fictional mechanisms that in our film world are real like the fucking millennium falcon they own the rights to how to build a millennium falcon from scratch whoa and they sell that manual that's a real fucking manual you can buy isn't that fucking crazy that is crazy And they sell that manual. That's a real fucking manual you can buy. Isn't that fucking crazy? That is crazy. Yeah. They have that for a bunch of cars. Kit cars are pretty wild. Kit cars I was always fascinated with. My buddy's dad used to build MGs all the time and let us fuck around in them. And I was fascinated with MGs because he loved them. There's this dope English kit car that was for sale really recently. And you would buy it. And then once you got it over here,

then you had to put an engine in it. Yeah. But they would sell it to you with no engine. Right, you build it first and they drop it in there. Yeah, but it wasn't that. It wasn't a total kit car, like you start from scratch, you attach the suspension.

Right. It wasn't that. It was like they would sell it to you as a car with no engine and then you would have to put the engine It it's a dope. That's a trick the name is like it's right there But there's so many so many blocks I could it there's only so many blocks I could fit in that framework, right? Yeah, yeah

You would get like a parameter and you know like a v8 ls1 or something right and try to put it in there God damn it noble noble. That's what it's called noble car it's called a noble that's dope it's a dope looking car man and and guys i i think they're just you know you'd only have a certain amount of horsepower it could take but i didn't think i don't think it had the drivetrain either i think you had to add the add the drivetrain as well i think essentially it was just a frame and the doors and all that shit they must have just been parts from other third-party car manufacturers and they they got whatever parts they could put them together you built that and then the engine is what from anywhere at all i think you'd have to just know how to do it i mean there's a whole market now where they buy engines and then they

put them in older cars so they'll buy like uh one of the big companies that does it is a company called Icon. And what they do is they take like a 69 Bronco and they strip it down. They put the car back together again with a modern suspension. Then they take a 2017 Ford Mustang engine and put it in the Bronco. Whoa. So they put totally modern brakes, modern suspension bronco engine what but the bronco engines are 19 You know a 2017 Ford Ford yeah, it's called a coyote motor. It's a really high-end high-tech motor It's a really nice motor so you have like this old-school car

So they have like kits like they do that with LS1 I've heard that maybe you and I talked about. Someone was saying that they were taking classic, Ford might have been doing this themselves, where they take classic Mustangs and put new Mustang engines in old classic Mustang bodies. No, we were talking about that. You and I were talking about that. There's a guy who's got a page on Instagram where he did it,

and I think it's called GT500 Super Swap. So he's got a, someone had a Shelby, Shelby GT500 from 2012. And he put that body of a 1969 car over the 2012 car. Fuck. So it's the best of both worlds. That's it right there. It is so beautiful. It's so beautiful.

Wow. So this guy nailed it. But he's only done one car. I thought he was like doing it. I thought there was a company that was doing it, but apparently it's just this one dude who's done this. What does that run for? Did it say what he's selling those for? I don't think he's selling it. No, he just wants to fucking show you how dope this shit is. He should sell the fuck out of that thing. He should sell the fuck out of that. Look, that would be where... I had a 2012 GT500. There it is. It was a great car.

That's another one, though. That's a different color. Oh, it's a different car. Oh, look at that. Helping a friend sell a 68 Mustang 33K. Ooh, that's a beautiful car. Wow, 33,000 miles is nothing. That is nothing.

That's a beautiful car. God, those things were classic. Those 1960s Mustangs are some of the most beautiful shapes ever. And to take that and put a, I think 2012, the GT500 packed 550 horsepower. Yeah. Almost 600. Isn't that crazy that this won't be in the future? That like in the future, like no one's going to have a lot of these current cars now are just going to go by the wayside. Like there's only so many cars that will stick around as classics from the, you know,

early two thousands era. Yeah. There's not going to be any like driving yourself in a hundred years. No, it's over. Like that, that idea is fucking dead. It's gone.

That's a noble. Yeah. That's it right there. Isn't that a dope car? It kind of has a Ferrari body a little bit, right? Kind of, sort of like,

like an old, um, more like, what is the car I'm thinking of? The Lotus front used to look like that. Yeah, the Lotus front used to look like that. Yeah, that's right. Like the cool Lotuses of like, wow, look at that. Oh, that's a newer one, huh? Wow, that's fucking tight. That's a digital image.

We can't hear you, you know. Sorry, their website's pretty cool. Where's it say? Italy, right? Is that where they're out of? England. Oh, British. I think they don't have airbags, or they didn't have airbags.

Yeah, because if you're going 180, fuck it. That doesn't look like an airbag to me. It just looks like a steering wheel. You die, you die, I guess. Yeah. I think that's too complicated. Yeah, fuck it. Fuck that airbag thing

I would I would wanna find out Like Now that looks like It might have one Actually it might have an airbag No that's a horn bro No it's a horn

Yeah fuck it It's just a horn That's it I think that was the problem I think they hadn't gone through All of the FC What is it

Who What would be the What is that The name of that No I can't think The F The IHSA Safety of that? Now I can't think. The IHSA safety motor. Is that it? Yeah, IHSA, yeah.

That thing's fucking really sexy looking, man. It's a dope looking car. That's all that carbon fiber in there. God, those seats look amazing. But see, that e-brake is up, but it doesn't look like it's stick. That's just what you put in your asshole. Oh, that's where you get fucked? You just buy one of those.

Oh, when you... You lube that bad boy up. Is there one in the front, too? Can you suck one while you fuck one? No, no, you put in your asshole. Oh, that's where you get fucked? Oh, when you, okay. You lube that bad boy up. Is there one in the front, too? Can you suck one while you fuck one? No, no, you can't be greedy. That wouldn't be noble. Look at the inside of that thing. God, it's beautiful.

See, go back to that cockpit. See, there's no, that's all push button. There is no fucking stick in there at all. Yeah, there's no manual, no manual transmission. That's what they're all using now, those exotic Italian cars and everything. Everything is paddle shifts now. I know. Well, look at this.

Did you see this? I had this. This was for a thing. Hold on. Let me show you. I'm really bummed out at the new NSX. Look at that fun thing, huh? I rented that for the shoot that we were doing.

Oh, that's beautiful. That's the old Magnum PI Ferrari, man. No, that's a couple years later. Yeah, it was. That's a 355 GT, right? It's a similar design, though. It was sexy. John Lovitz had one of those.

I drove that once. Dude, so fun. John Lovitz let me drive his car. That year of Ferrari, well, not just that year, but that was when Ferrari's 1 was down. Ferrari's 1 is down. Yeah.

Instead of up, reverse is up, but 1 is down, 2, 3, 4, 5. But that thing was so much fucking fun look at that That's right. I forgot that they had it backwards. Yeah, it was backwards 1995 was I think the year of that Ferrari somebody wrote Pontiac Fiero dope Pontiac Fiero Do you remember when they used to have those kid cards? We take like a Pontiac Fiero and put like Ferrari bodies on the outside like a fake Ferrari body yeah that's pretty great so much work somebody just showed me I forgot about Lamborghini Countach and it was like there's something year anniversary and

they just are rereleasing the Countach's do you remember those oh yeah that was when I remember thinking that that was the only car that I ever thought was worthy of any amount of money that it was worth. I was like, that's the fuck. Any dime that thing is fucking worth, I wouldn't buy that fucking thing. Do you remember that Sylvester Stallone? It was such a fucking cool car. Rocky drove that car.

Yes, dude. In Rocky IV. Yeah. When he was going through a fucking real hot time. Trading for this Russian. And so he had like, there's a crazy scene. Look at this. Look at this. Look at him.

The handsome bastard with his boxing shoes on. He's got boxing shoes on. Hilarious. That's the Countach, baby. He was a beautiful man back then. But there's a,

like, it's literally a music video where they play where he's in the car and the music starts playing. Yeah, and he's cruising.

And he's driving. It's so corny. It's so cheesy. Yeah, give me no easy way out. Give me some volume on this. This is so terrible. The people at home can hear this or no? Southpaw, look at how dope that plate was.

So he's driving around and he's thinking of Dolph Lundgren kicking his ass while he's driving around. And he's in his Lamborghini. He's so cool. He leaves his mansion.

It's so silly. Oh, dude, he's the fucking man. Look, it's so silly. No smiles at all. Not happy, not excited about it. Yeah, he took a deep breath. I got my tie on. I'm sophisticated now.

I just gotta think about where my life is going. The best part about it is to do this movie, or to do this fight, he had to go to old school methods and move to the fucking woods and was carrying logs around and running in the snow. Right. Chopping down fucking trees, dude. That's how you get in shape. Fucking A, man shit.

Man shit. Out in the. Fucking A, man shit. Man shit. Out in the woods. Adrian, I gotta leave you alone. I gotta go out here in the wilderness. Gotta go out here, chop some wood. I gotta chop wood, then I'm gonna fuck you, and then I'm gonna go whoop ass. I'm gonna carry a log through the snow. Oh, shut this off before I die.

Oh, shit. I can't do it anymore. Those movies are great, though. Dude, so fucking great. A window into time. I know. A return when it was okay to be ridiculous in film. Oh, yeah, man.

Now it's everything gets checked and balanced so much that everything has to be proven by the studio. Back then, that was an idea. I'm sure he was like, what if I'm driving around thinking about the fight? We'll make a music video. And they're like, great, we got an extra hundred grand to burn

this week. Let's fucking do it. I'm thinking we have a time lapse of all the shitty moments of my life. All the things where it didn't work out.

Can you guys show the first time a family member died? How about we go back to the first time I ever kissed Adrian? Okay, yeah, Rock, we have some of our own scenes planned. Mm-mm.

Fuck that. Fuck that. I know my people. He does, though. I mean, he's still cranking out action movies. He's kicking people's asses, and he's in his 70s. Dude, can I tell you the one? I did a fucking benefit.

I did, like, the stand-up at a benefit for Tom Arnold for this thing, this charity he runs. And Sly was there because they've known each other for years. And as I got off stage, I walked past him and I didn't want to like, you know, I didn't want to be like, hey, and fucking call attention. But as I walked by, he goes, very, very good. I was like, that's fucking awesome. I was like, that's enough for me, dude.

Very, very good. I interviewed him once for the UFC. There was something was going on. He was, some movie was coming out. I forget what movie it was, but he was fun. He was easy. Was it The Expendables or whatever that is? I don't remember.

I don't think it was. He's the fucking man. I think it was another movie. I forget what movie it was. But he was super self-deprecating and easy to get along with. That's how you stay fucking on earth, man. He said something about his mom and someone yelled something out. Someone cackled him, yelled something out.

He goes, oh, there's my mom. She's up there. He's quick. But he was a genuinely nice guy. Just friendly, easy going. One of the biggest movie stars in the world. In the world. But was like, hey, what's up?

What's up? How you doing? It was pretty cool. I liked it. It was nice. That's what we were saying before we jumped on. The of of what fame means to be an international movie star now has changed so much that like i was in japan and i'm in japan i bring up my instagram because these young japanese kids are wanting to like see my social media and he sees the blue check mark of

the verified shit and he's like famous famous and i'm like no no no no no no dude no no no i was like they give that to any fucking asshole now. And they're all like laughing because they're like, what do you do? And I'm like, comedian, comedian. And their faces were kind of like, comedian. And one guy goes, Will Smith? And I go, yeah, Will Smith. That's exactly right.

But then you realize that's the level of when you say what's famous around the world, you're like, sly. When you say, like, who was a famous internet, I don't know if we have, like, I don't know if the rest of the world knows as many of our stars as they used to. It used to be you were an international star and that's what made you a megastar. Now it's kind of like, you can be famous here in film and not really be known at all over there. I mean, you could then, but there was so, I feel like we were pumping out international stars at one point. There were like just a bevy of international action stars. You know what I mean? That just became in that era of Schwarzenegger, Sly, even like we were talking about Jean-Claude Van Damme before this, Seagal, like all these like Willis, like all these mega international superstars because the action movies were so big. Now

we've put that into fantasy film. So now it's Guardians of the Galaxy. Now it's any superhero movie. That's become it. But I miss the world of like, why can't we have an action movie that isn't a comic book? Hmm. Where does that go? Yeah, we would need, it would have to be like someone you believe, you'd have to be the rock, but that's not Billy he could do it. He could do it But the why doesn't it exist? Maybe people don't want those movies anymore. Fuck. Why not? You have to have some sort of a metric there judging this from right like when they're making these movies Why are they I think it's because they made a couple of action hero movies I mean they made it a couple of comic comic book films and they did so fucking well that now we have a bevy of

Them because they know that there's such a big market for it. But I can't imagine you wouldn't want to see another... Diehard type dude. Yeah, why the fuck not? Why haven't they redone Diehard? They did. They did? See, there you go.

Yeah, but don't redo... Who did they redo Diehard with? When did they? They didn't redo it. They just kept... They're still doing it. Oh, it's being done right now? Yeah, I think they're even making another one right now.

Who's the Diehard guy? Still Bruce Willis. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, it's being done right now? Yeah, I think they're even making another one right now. Who's the diehard guy? Still Bruce Willis. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, for sure. Bruce Willis has not kept himself up. It looks like you throw a punch, his shoulder would blow out. Fuck. Fucking hell.

That really hurts. I mean, unless he's been working out since I last checked. 2013, and then it says future right here. Let's see. Oh, they started it in 2013? No, that's the last one that came out. Did they try to do a TV show? Is that what it was?

What? I thought I read they were making another one recently. There was a Die Hard in 2013? Yeah. What? With Justin Long, I think, was in it. Wait. About his daughter.

What? Yeah. God, I'm bad. Come on. Fucking, that doesn't sound at all familiar. If you had to tell me, and I'm a Bruce Willis fan. I think Bruce Willis is awesome. He's the shit.

I love him. But if you had to tell me when was his last movie, I'd be like, I assume he's just popping Viagra and shooting loads all over the place. I don't know. What is his last fucking movie? A Good Day to Die Hard. A Good Day to Die Hard. Wow.

And who's the guy? Is that Kevin Hart? No. Who is that dude? I've never seen that guy in my life. It was just a guy that was on set. Did anybody go to see that? What did it get on IMDB?

14% on Rotten Tomatoes? Wow. Very good. Hey, can you go to Box Office Mojo and look that up? Will you look it up on Box Office Mojo? Box Office Mojo? Oh, no. There it was. Go back. Sorry. Go back to the previous page what is box office mojo it'll tell

you like budget and i'll tell you what it made here in international look at that down there it says how do you know all this 92 million box office it made 304 million is that what it says wow so it fucking killed it did great probably all all overseas all foreign sales yeah go to box office mojo it'll show you so maybe he's like one of the few guys left that can still do that. Yeah. You know, like Steven Seagal still sells a ton of movies overseas. A fuckload. They do those straight to, you know, straight to video, straight to DVD things.

Dude, he makes tons of money. They internationally sell the movie before he even makes it. Do you know that? You know he's a Russian citizen now? I know, I love it. It's great. They gave him a passport. That's hilarious. He's sticking around. There's great. They gave him a passport. That's hilarious.

He's sticking around. There you go. They gave him a Russian passport. Look at that. There's the proof. It made 62 million here. It made 237 overseas. Wow. International superstar, dude. Get that paper, Bruce. Get that paper, Bruce. That's amazing. What do you think he walked away with?

Oh, man. He took 10 up front to make it. He probably got a ton of money. I don't know how it works. Points? He's probably got $30 million out of that, maybe? Bruce Willis balling out of control. Bruce, hit us up, dude. Yeah. He's good friends with Dom Irera. Is he?

Yeah. Those two. That's so funny. I would love to see just them two in a diner having a conversation. I know, right? Just Bruce and Dom Herrera. Dom Herrera still doing the damn thing. Dude, I fucking love him. He did a bunch of episodes on the Showtime show I did. Did he?

Yeah, dude. It's fucking so awesome that they got real comics, man. The Showtime show looks great, man. I love how authentic everybody looks and the hairstyles. They killed it. And they went with real comics. Yeah. How magical you, Jaron.

Me, Eric Griffin, Jaron. Fucking Dom. Earl Skakel does a few pop-ins on it. Oh, my God. I'm drawing such a blank. There's so many other guys that like came in and left. Judy fucking Gold. Yeah, that's awesome.

Look at that, man. That and left. Judy fucking Gold. Yeah, that's awesome. Look at that, man. That's crazy. Melissa fucking Leo. Did you guys feel like an extreme amount of responsibility while you were doing this? Because you're doing a movie that's based on the most important comedy club, in my opinion, ever. Yeah. TV show.

But yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you doing a show? Yeah, we did. Well, the pressure was fucking, yeah, man, I felt the pressure. The responsibility was fucking yeah man i felt the pressure the responsibility was fucking huge wow we premiered last night and it'll air this sunday and uh jim carrey said some amazing things man yeah that's our cast photo that one that you clicked that one yeah did it feel weird to be on that i mean it must have been like i can tell you from the bottom of my honest heart

it was the most important thing i've done so far wow dude i mean we were paying homage to the world that that we love and respect so much and it was a big effort on jim's part and his producing partner michael aguilar to like tell real stories a lot of the stories that people will see if you watch the show and i hope you do come from jim's real life two dudes from boston move they live in a fucking dude's closet in west hollywood and they used to be a guy that would jerk off and watch Jim change. And that's Jim. Jim put that story in the show,

man. He wanted all these little great tidbits. There's a great moment about joke stealing in there and a fucking huge fist fight that breaks out. That was real from Jim's personal life about guys who used to come in from the fucking radio, from talk radio in the, you know,

in the morning they'd come to the club at night, come to the store, steal shit. The next morning comics would fucking hear it. Yeah. That's a real common thing. Yeah, man. That was always going on You know what else was going on a big one was? Writers for sitcoms would come yep same shit And they would watch people do sets and then they would wind up putting their their bits in like even in fucking Seinfeld Can't want a Kevin James signature bits got used on Seinfeld after he had a bunch of meetings and then they came to see him perform a

Bunch of like top writers came to see him perform in an NBC showcase It was like when Kevin was getting a development deal and they came down and watched him and then like the next season His muffin bit was on a Seinfeld episode. He was like what the fuck man? Well nowadays they fucking they're blatant They tell you like I I tested for Saturday Night Live and you sign a form that says these characters can be used after the audition Whoa, and this is crazy I'm not calling out anybody or saying anything But they did there was a character ended up on the show that Vanessa Bayer did fucking hilariously that I did something similar in my audition I was like damn that was really good. It's when I minute. So you audition. You have a character you audition with.

Yeah, I did this character. I did this fake sportscaster. They can steal that. They own that now. When you audition, you surrender the character. Fuck you, man. Yeah, you sign a piece of paper, man. That's crazy. They're not even giving you money and they're stealing your ideas. That's the respect that SNL has earned in that community.

You don't have that respect. It's crazy. That's stealing. You're stealing. Well, I signed the form, man. Oh my God, dude. That's so awful. I signed that sheet because you can almost taste it. But they're making you sign something saying we're going to steal from you. Totally. That's insane. We're going to steal

from you. We're not going to pay you anything. We're going to use this thing. It might be a fucking Mike Myers movie someday. And you have to say, yes, sir. May I have another? Take it. Take it. I took it i took it god it's so crazy i took it man i took it it was a wild process but the fact that some hugely successful business wouldn't want to compensate people for creating those ideas fly you out to to show yourself off even if you i mean even if you just don't hire them but you like that character you there should be like an established rate that you have to pay for things but i mean you don't and my

whole thing is like i'm not saying what they did was what i did but it was there was just some similarities in the nuances the character that i thought were either just you know a confluence of great ideas but um it is hard you think about that stuff you're like man is that is that close to what i did? Because, you know, like we said back in the day, like our show shows, people were blatantly, people have been blatantly stealing in comedy for fucking ever. It's been like the beginning of time. And especially in the 70s, which I think is what we tried to show was like they would steal these radio guys and fucking show up again and be like, hey, like it was like it didn't happen. Come on, buddy.

I told him that was one of your shit jokes from last night we always we always promote you whenever you're in town yeah like i like i'm really i'm really lucky that i didn't grow up in a generation where you didn't get paid in the sense of like when i remember hearing stories of guys that would go on the road and then get fucked out of a check you can get fucked still really get fucked yeah i've heard of people getting fucked joey Diaz had an experience about a year ago. Well, Joey's one I got to fuck with too. Yeah, he called this guy up and started screaming at him and said, listen, you know, you don't fucking pay me.

He goes, I'm going to tell the whole world. He goes, I'm going to have all my friends tell the whole world, and no one's going to fucking work here anymore. That's it. Yeah, and he wound up getting paid. But it took him a while to get paid. There's a lot of club owners that are still doing coke. Isn't that fucking insane?

I know a guy. I know a guy. I can't even be around him. Every time I'm around him, he's coked up. No. He's just living it like the old days. But here's the thing, man. It never stopped.

It's been a part of it from the beginning of time. Yeah. From the beginning of when I started doing stand-up, there was a lot of club owners that were on coke. That was just normal. Yeah, they partied. Nick's Comedy Stop in Boston, it never happened to me because I was never a coke guy,

but they would offer you, if you wanted to get paid, in money or coke. I'm not kidding. Imagine any other industry. They would pay the comics in cocaine. Lenny Clark has told me about it in great detail. And said, I'll just take the Imagine any other industry. They would pay the comics in cocaine. Like Lenny Clark has told me about it in great detail. And said, I'll just take the coke, I guess. Some guys took the coke.

Can you do a half and half? I bet you could. Can you do like an eight ball? These guys were selling coke and running comedy clubs. That's kind of brilliant. Yeah, I mean, it was total organized crime shit. It was all organized crime. It was just like at a level where it was acceptable.

It wasn't like they were killing people, but they were selling Coke. Yeah. But Coke was so okay that it was like, nah, it's fucking. Dude, no one's totally captured the crazy days of Boston. I was a kid back then. So I got to see it really from the outside. And it all started before I even started, about four years before I started. It was at its peak in like 84.

Yeah. Those guys were maniacs. Out of their minds. Maniacs. Hammered every night on. So like Mario Joyner was talking about it last night at the store. Yeah. Because he was hosting the show that we were doing and Mario Joyner was like they would just go up there and just get hammered.

And just be killing. Just killing. Blacked out crushing. Blacked out drunk hammered. It was a different different it was a whole different groove man now you have to be on your p's and q's man now everyone's got to be real tight i feel like the majority of people in comedy the the longer i've stayed in comedy the more i see people sober now i think a lot of people it's just not people are i feel like there's a lot of there's a lot more clean people working now than people who party i think there's a lot of people that realize the consequences of partying.

You can only stay on that fucking train for so long. If you look at the great ones that got derailed, whether it's Cat Williams, whether it's Kinison, the great ones that have been derailed by cocaine, there's a ton of them that we know of. The cocaine one gets you. It ends in a bad way. You go bad. Your creativity goes away. You get paranoid. You get tired. of them that we know of the cocaine one gets you it ends in a bad way you go bad your creativity goes away you get paranoid you get tired your act diminishes greatly like kinnison in my opinion is

the best example he's the best example of a guy who at one point in time was just arguably the best ever for like two years non-stop good just a monster yeah a mom and a And a thing like no one had seen before. Like, there wasn't a Sam Kinison, like, an archetype. Yeah. It didn't exist. No. He was this fat guy who'd been fucked over. I've been married twice! And he just would come out, this giant fucking, this big energy, this thing.

Like a fucking human storm of comedy. But then it dropped off so radically like Ari was talking about the other night like if you go and watch his stuff after the second special it's like it's just the second special is a big drop off the real shit is his cd or it wasn't even cd warner brothers wouldn't even make it a cd because it was so homophobic they kept it a cassette for real his cassette louder than hell and then his HBO special and don't watch anything off to the HBO specials what I remember fucking Seeing as like one of the things where I was like This is insane. This is like a fucking madman who's hitting all the marks, you know

Yeah, it's like a smart madman. Yes a genius, but he but he didn't it's but he's not but he didn't miss It was weird. It's like a smart madman. Yes, a genius. But he didn't miss. It was weird. It was like watching someone do something brilliantly in sports where you're like, everything worked perfectly. It was like all the stars were aligning for him to just chugging on this train of crushing. That was crazy shit to see, man. And it was like during the Reagan era where people started to get a little buttoned down. Yeah. That was like we went from Carter to Reagan, right?

So we go from this hippie peanut farmer from Georgia that couldn't get the hostages back from Iran to this movie star with a slick black hair and, oh, oh! It's just like, he was a part of that. Yeah. I mean, there was a part of the whole country was fucking crazy at the time,

and Kinison came along, and he sort of embodied the frustrations that a lot of people felt the timing was perfect perfect but cocaine got him like he wasn't the same guy after after that special there's the just this giant drop off in the amount of focus he put on his work yeah well because you become complacent and you also like i think the more money and fame you get i think unless you have sense sense sense of groundedness and humility around you like friends to be like dude you got to fucking change your game you're fucking up you're slipping you're not produced you're not producing anymore you're not writing you're not developing you're not changing who you are as a

comic i think if you don't have that around you if everyone around you is like more fucking coke dude more bitches bring them up that's over That's over. No, I agree. The train crashes, man. I don't know Cat Williams, but I'll tell you what. To this day, like Pimpin' Chronicles, Pimp Chronicles, whatever that special is that he did, that is a goddamn genius special.

Dude, it's amazing. And apparently he likes to do... Woo! I don't know know but i just wish he would clean up he's one of those guys i look forward to when he puts out shit yeah because it's so fucking different crazy just wild yeah he's wild man he's real i mean it's just he's a maniac his fucking hair is all slicked back and sweating like a pig he paused a special to change his clothes because he sweat so much that's genius that's how you know you're putting in work he sweat through his clothes you're getting your money where he went and did a change he came back out and kept crushing

that's how you know you're fucking you're he put in work yeah and that was like after he had gone through all those canceled shows and all the craziness and like got on stage and yelled at a heckler for five minutes and then left, and everybody wanted their money back. They booed him and shit. Still came back and crushed. Yeah. Yeah, he's fucking good. It's that goddamn cocaine, though.

It gets them. It gets everybody. Everybody that we know that never made it. I mean, how many guys do you know that were funny that never made it that started doing coke? A shitload of dudes. A shitload. Not just coke, too, but just anything, anything, anything. I mean, as soon as they got into the party world, the hard party

world of like, yeah, coke. It's gotta be coke. It just snags people. Goddamn. And then they disappear, man. People who love coke must hate my podcast. Like, it's always shit and on coke. You don't even, you've never even done coke, bro.

That's the thing about Rogan, dude. I like him, but he's like a bitch about coke, dog. Let it go, a little coke i do a little coke every day apparently that is the best way to get girls to have sex with you though like if you've got some cocaine it's a it's you got to be in the right place where people need cocaine they're not allowed to say no they just say yes they just get crazy and they do coke i guess it's like a super inhibition lowering thing. You know, I think the idea is so fun that they're like, he can get coke. Like anybody can get weed, but it's like he can get coke. You're waiting at the house for the guy to show up. The guy shows up in a Lamborghini with that fucking music playing in the background.

There's no easy way out. Gets out his car, puts the e-brake on. Yo, man, I got your package. You go out, you give him the money, you hug like a little bit too violently. Like a little slap in the back hug.

You know that slap in the back hug? Yeah. Because you know that you're dealing in some seriously illegal things. That guy knows

where you live, too. How's your sister, man? She's good, bro. Thanks for asking. No shit, no shit. Thanks for the coke, man. No doubt, no doubt. It's good shit.

Oh, yo yo the best Yo next time I got some non Some really clean shit It's not stepped on Doug So fucking hit me the fuck up Alright Next week

Next week I got a new shipment Coming in You gotta be careful though Don't OD Cause it's shit that strong Don't OD dude I don't want that on my conscious Bitches be dropping their panties

For this shit bro You got any bitches in the house? No? Alright man I gotta get out of here Did you see that That Mary Letourneau lady That uh in the house? No? Alright man, I gotta get out of here. Did you see that that Mary Letourneau lady that fucked that kid

in school and went to jail and then had a kid with him? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They just broke up after 21 years together. Can you believe it? This kid finally woke up.

He's like, this bitch is crazy. 21 years later. That's all it took. Two decades. 21 years this kid has been banging her I gotta get the fuck

Out of here Oh you're nuts You fucked me when I was 12 What am I doing here Shit I didn't realize This was super unhealthy Alright yeah Thanks

I gotta go I think they have a kid together Do they 18 year old daughter They have an 18 year old Well she's gonna be She's gonna fucking Have everything in order

I'm sure She's gonna be the leader Of a punk band Yeah She'll have half her head shaved She'll be fucking wearing Doc Martens Stomping around Well, she's going to fucking have everything in order, I'm sure. She's going to be the leader of a punk band. She'll have half her head shaved. She'll be fucking wearing Doc Martens stomping around. Marry Kayla Turner's husband.

We only split so I could sell pot. Oh, what the fuck? I love it. I love life. Life's beautiful. They're still happily together, and he merely filed for legal separation for May 9th because he believes it'll make it easier for him to get a license to distribute cig-a-weed marijuana cigarettes.

She's a registered sex offender. Oh. Well, yeah, she has to be, right? Because he was underage. That's hilarious. I bet she's still a freak. Totally, dude. I bet she puts alligator masks on.

So he's 55. She's 55. She's 55. They're fine. They just got legally divorced so they could do this business. She's seven years in prison for that. I'm happy for that. Did she really? Seven years is fucking wild.

That's so stupid. He was in sixth grade. What's sixth grade? Is that 12? 12 or 13. Jesus. That is a little young. Oh, he's a DJ in Washington.

We should go see his shows. I was up in Seattle. I should have gone up there. Yeah, it's probably awesome. It's probably a really good show. A firebomb goes off. Fucking glitter in the air. It's crazy, bro.

The show's amazing. It's wild as shit. He knows how to party. What do you spin, man? Whatever I'm feeling, dog. Kids love that music when they're on the drugs, though. Dude, when you're on that molly, you can't escape the beat.

How many times have you done ecstasy? Oh, ecstasy, I've done two or three times. Two or three? MDMA. Because two different things, right? I think MDMA is ecstasy but the old ecstasy that we did in high school was definitely not what it is now no it was like whatever pill they crushed together of shit from the sink they lied to you fuck yeah that was bad shit you get

lied to in chicago mdma was uh mdma the first time i ever did it was in london and about 10 years ago that was the first time i ever even heard of it because it wasn't Molly didn't no one said Molly but the guy was like Andrew this guy who lived next door was like dude I've got these fucking MDMA dude you've gotta try it and I was like all right whatever the fuck is big like Jamaican British dude I was like all right dude I'll try this shit we went down by the beach and watch this concert and I was like dude how do I get this all the time and he was like it's limited supply but i've got more for you we did that shit for like four days straight i was like this is the most fun i've ever had and then i just stopped doing it for years and years

and years and i tried it again one more time that was it never again i only did it once but it was spectacular it's amazing the the come down though though, is too strong. The comedown was devastating. I was like, this is horrible. Do you get hard crashes when you do shrooms or no? No. You don't crash at all? No. I mean, I feel weird.

Sometimes I feel- But I'm always so belittled, not belittled, so obliterated by the experience. It's always like I'm trying to process it. They're like, I'm barely aware of my physical state. I'm almost like eating just to like, just because I know I have to get calories in. Your exasperation should be in my body at this point. Let me just figure out what the fuck just happened. It's always like, oh yeah, I knew, I knew, but I didn't know.

I needed to see it, but I didn't. My crashes were, for some reason, they used to be fucking terrible. I used to come down off mushrooms and I would feel fucking miserable. Was it always? Every time you did it? Almost, man. Did you ever think that like maybe, one thing that does happen apparently is that sometimes people grow mushrooms

and oddly enough, the mushrooms have fungus that develops on them and you can get sick from the fungus and then sometimes people say they have like these, they have these almost like hangover like feelings because of that. I have read that. I've never had a hangover.

I mean, I just remember a lot of the crashes being like a fucking bummer. Like I was like, this is for some reason. Acid was, the first time I ever did acid was, I felt like even when I was off of it, it was great. It didn't fuck with me. Yeah, I did acid for the first time last year. Like was it last year?

Six months ago, something like that? Did you like it? Yeah, yeah. But it didn't crash me. I felt weird when it was over. I did it and I didn't want to do it again. I remember doing it and being like, eh, I just didn't want to do it again. They say the thing about ecstasy, though, is if you take 5-HTP, you got to take that shit while you're on it because it helps rebuild your serotonin.

So it balances it out. Yeah, because it's the building blocks for serotonin. Take that, and it'll help you boost yourself back up when you come through. That's pretty genius. Because once you come through, because it gives you this giant burst of serotonin. You feel so wonderful, but then it depletes. Yeah, because you drained it. And it takes a while before it spools back up.

The 5-HTP apparently can help mitigate that. That sounds like printer ink. Yeah, it does. I could get the 5-HTP, I guess. That's so funny. There's like a science. Yeah, it does. I get the five HCP, I guess. That's so funny. There's like a science and I'll staying fucking healthy while you're on drugs. I know when I first started doing drugs,

it was like, figure it out, dude, might chew your lip off. Uh, you got to drink applesauce. Home remedies like that. You ever have Menudo?

Uh, Menudo is the Mexican. Oh yes. Oh yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I don't know what's, I thought it's a drug. No, I'm talking about Menudo.uh. Menudo is the Mexican- Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. I'm like, I thought it's a drug. No, you're talking about Menudo. Menudo is the Mexican hangover cure.

It's fucking great. You can get it. There's a legit Mexican joint down the street. Legit. It's pork, right? It's pork face, isn't it? It's a bunch of shit in there. They have tripe.

Chorizo and shit. There's like stomach, like pieces of stomach in there. It's like this brown soup. There's chickpeas in it. Not brown. It's like a reddish brown. It's like stomach Like pieces of Like stomach in there It's like this brown soup There's chickpeas in it Not brown It's like a reddish brown It's like a stew soup Yeah

Like a stew It's god damn delicious I love it If you can get it From a real place Like a real Mexican joint That has real menudo Woo

What's the fucking spot Up the street Should I go to I'll show you Yeah you gotta show them I gotta I know exactly where it is But I don't know the name of it

Cause I love it Something Taqueria. Oh, it's so good, dude. Everyone's watching Mexican TV. You go in there. Everyone's speaking Spanish. Right. They look at you like, what the fuck?

How'd you find this place? What's up, puto? Yeah. And you're like, hey, fellas. They barely speak English. Barely when you're ordering food. That's the best. Barely.

And they have to ask you like two or three times. And you have to explain to them. And then, you know, you could try. Try to like, you'll be embarrassed. Try to say it with a Spanish flair. Menudo. Yeah, but it's so good, man. They have horchata, those big horchata vats.

I love the vats, yeah. If you're going to be a rich Mexican and you want a horchata vat at your house, that's it. You don't think Gabriel Iglesias has one? He's got a hundred of them. He's got a giant one, like an oral barrel. And he wears the helmet with two spouts every morning when he walks around with it? A horchata helmet. Excuse me.

Where's my horchata helmet? Yeah. The fluff's got it. He's like taking time off, that guy. I mean, he's a machine. He's been doing it for so long. I think he probably needs a little bit of a break, right? I think he said he just wants to do a bunch of shit now.

Just going to have some fun. Just party. Just do whatever the fuck he wants to do. Spend some money. Have fun. Fuck off. Buy a boat. That guy made so much money.

He's got all of it. People don't even realize how much money that dude made. But that's why he's so good at what he does, because he keeps it on the low. He doesn't act like he has money. He doesn't come off that way. Yeah. He's real low to the ground with that stuff. He was doing so many shows. He has the record number of shows

that were sold out at the Ice House. He did some crazy run where he was doing three, four shows a day. It was something on the wall. How many was it? What did you say, Jamie? He's back on the road? So he took the time off and jumped back in?

Fluffy is fucking back. Oh, he's got a new special. Oh, shit. Look at all those dates, huh? He's hustling, dude. Look at all those dates. Every day I'm hustling. Fluffy fan life, dude.

He's connected, bro. I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry. Damn, he's going to Norway and Sweden, Estonia, United Kingdom, Germany, Belgium, Netherlands, holy shit, Finland, Vegas. Finland, Sweden. He's got a whole European leg of his tour.

Where's Rone Park, California? Where's Rone Park? That's a good question. It's a place white people shouldn't go probably. No shit. I'm gonna say that. Sioux Falls. Back on the road, baby When is your Showtime special? It's coming out very soon, right? Tomorrow. Oh Jesus Christ Santino! Tomorrow! June 2nd we release tomorrow, baby. What's it called? Home Field Advantage. Oh Jesus, did you do it in Chicago? Did it back home at the Vic Theatre where I used to go watch bands play when I was in high school

It was so fucking surreal, dude. Wow Oh Jesus Did you do it in Chicago? Did it back home At the Vic Theater Where I used to go Watch bands play When I was in high school It was so fucking surreal dude Wow Yeah I don't feel the advantage Look at you Handsome as fuck there Looking cute man

Strong beard Strong beard man That was when I was Shooting the show Oh look at that Do you know what that is? What? Go back two pictures

Do you know what that's Me paying tribute to somebody? Who? Do you recognize that picture? No Or what I'm doing? No Carol Burnett

Oh wow Did you say that? Yeah Fuck yeah dude Carol Burnett used to Fucking wow. Did you say that? Yeah, I was going to say that. Fuck yeah, dude. Carol Burnett used to fucking touch her ear for her family. Wow. This is a trip.

For her family, she used to touch her ear? Her grandmother was like, Touch your ear for me. While her grandma was like, Say hi to Nana on TV. And she's like, I can't do that. Right. She's like,

They'll fucking fire me. And she's like, I promise I'll do something. I'll think of something as a shout out to you. And she told her, A short time later, She was like, I'm going to touch my ear. You'll know I'm thinking of you. So she used to do that on TV all the time.

To appease some annoying family members. Yeah, man, you gotta. How about you realize, Nana, I got shit I'm doing up there. Okay? I'm working. I'm goddamn Carol Burnett. I went to a restaurant recently. A couple years ago, I was at a restaurant and she was there.

It was weird. It's like she was just hanging out at this restaurant. Really? I was hanging a restaurant and she was there. It was weird. It's like she was just hanging out at this restaurant eating dinner with some guy. She's kicking it? Yeah. I think she's fucking... She was genius.

That show, Carol Burnett show was a great fucking show. She was brilliant. Everything about her was like so inventive at that fucking time period. I appreciate that kind of shit

so much. But you also have to realize how crazy it was that someone was willing to invest in a woman running a show like that. It was unheard of. It was called The Carol Burnett Show and it was that someone was willing to invest in a woman running a show like that Yep, it was unheard of the Carol Burnett shown as a sketch comedy show unheard of. Yeah, I mean fuck man Look at there. She's doing it on her ear. Yeah. Yeah

It's kind of crazy man. Like at the time so powerful man How few women were like that at the time that had that kind of pole? I mean Lucy Lucy was the only one of of that prior era that had fucking massive influence on hollywood yeah who could say anything and be like this is how it is yeah and studios were like uh-huh your show was called i love lucy i mean jesus it was it couldn't have been any other way you know what i mean for her it was like she's like i am a star i'm going to be the star of the show. I want the fucking intro to be my face and then show Ricky Ricardo. I don't even know Ricky Ricardo's name.

How about that? Who's that Ricky Ricardo guy? What was his name? His name is... Exactly. That's what I'm saying. That's so embarrassing. I do know who it is.

But everybody knows who Lucille Ball is. What's that dude's name? I honestly thought it was Ricky Ricardo. That's not his name, bro. That's not his name. Bro, that's the TV name. Desi Arnaz. Desi Arnaz. Okay.

I'm bad. I'm so stupid. I knew that. I knew that. I just forgot it. You're allowed to forget shit like that. But I wouldn't forget Lucille Ball. Fuck no.

Can't. Good goddamn show back then. And that was back when a white girl was allowed to date a Cuban. Cubans were very white back then. Well, that was the only kind of Cuban. Yeah, it was white girl was allowed to date a Cuban. Cubans were very white back then. Well, that was the only kind of Cuban. Yeah, it was the only minority she could date

on TV. Yeah, like if it was like if she had a show called I Love Mexicans and she was dating a Mexican guy not a Cuban guy. Cubans are like from Spain.

It's like a Spaniard. It was thought of as a different thing. Desi. Desi Arnaz was a handsome bastard back then. He was, man.

Do you think he ever banged Lucy? Shh. No disrespect. They were married. I'm saying man do you think he ever banged Lucy shh no disrespect they were married I'm saying do you think he banged her though no

no chance they were married in real life and then they worked together on TV they were they were wow look at that

wow the heyday back in the day man you ever watch old TV shows just to just to get a glimpse of what it was like to be back in that era? My fucking old man, Andy Griffith, this is their favorite fucking show in the history of television. My parents watch Andy Griffith every day. Oh, God. They're obsessed.

They still like it. They love that shit. My dad loves that shit. They long for nostalgia. He just thinks that that's such an iconic period of time when comedy was pure and clean and the jokes were about life situations that were... There's a town drunk and there's a town whore. You know what I mean? It's kind of like everything was such a setup.

But meanwhile, behind the scenes, they were just as freaky back then, if not more freaky. Dude, Don Knotts used to stick the cop-a baton up his own ass right before they shot every day. Are you sure? Nope. Look at that picture. That's the baton going in his ass. That's why Andy's laughing. Did you ever hear the Fatty Arbuckle story?

Uh-uh. Fatty Arbuckle was the big comedian from like the 1930s or the 1940s. big comedian from like the 1930s or 1940s. And they had some girl that they were doing something with and someone put a bottle inside of her, like in her vagina and it broke and she died. Fuck yeah, she died. Yeah.

There was something along those lines. There was a bit where it was like, we're going to put a bottle in your pussy. I don't think so. I think they were partying. I think they were going too hard. And, uh, Fatty Arbuckle was a huge star at the time yeah and when that woman died i don't know if he was i don't know if he was uh convicted he got charged with manslaughter yeah but was there whether or not he was convicted i don't know if he was convicted, but his career was over, and then it all dried up for him.

I don't even know if he did it. You know, I mean, I'm not really sure. He was probably around for the party. Most likely, yeah. Hotel room, yeah. She sneezed and the bottle broke. There he is. Arbuckle was charged with manslaughter and endured not one, not two, but three trials for the alleged crime.

the manslaughter and endured not one, not two, but three trials for the alleged crime. I'm not going to go into the nitty gritty of what went on in each trial, but try to imagine the mismanagement and publicity akin to the O.J. Simpson trial, and you'll be getting close. Well, then he should have got into it. Well, who knows? I don't know. Court TV. Court TV.

Yeah. There was no court TV coverage, but there was a thriving tabloid press and no shortage of bombastic rhetoric the assistant prosecutor for one of the trials Milton Milton Oh you Ren Became known for his florid damning description of our buckles lifestyle to wit a Babylonian feast was in process in Progress there the defendant had sumptuous quarters with his friends. Food was spread, wine and liquor were served, and this modern Beljahar

I don't know what that means. Beljahar? Beljazar? Beljazar. Beljazar sat upon his throne, surrounded by his lords and their ladies. There was music, feasting, singing, and dancing. How do you know? Were you there? Yeah, he just said above he didn't want to fucking get into singing, and dancing. How do you know? Were you there? Yeah, he just

said above he didn't want to fucking get into details, and then he explained a bunch of shit. A modern Belshazzar, the last king of Babylonia, sundered amidst his decadence. This is some Game of Thrones ass doomsday stuff right there. That is an interesting thing that a prosecutor could do back then. They could make that

sort of ridiculous description of the events that took place. You weren't there yeah you just really you actually do not know you actually do not know that this is what happened that's a bit that's a big fish story you know so did he wind up going to jail you know how many people have stuck bottles up people's pussies and they didn't die and they went they read that story i did it this morning have you got like one of those mexican coke bottles those real thick ones those are hard to break those are hard to break you'd have to fucking throw her against the wall or something yeah if she had a pussy that was so strong it could break one of those bottles it could probably

endure the cuts too oh yeah it's like a like a dense. It killed his career. He, third trial, he just pretty much left Hollywood or he was shunned by Hollywood and could no longer find work. Isn't that crazy

that he was acquitted, right? He got off. So he was acquitted and it's still, yeah, I guess back then that was it.

It was it, son. And there was only one machine, you know, there was no internet back then. Nope. He couldn't have

had a YouTube page. He could have made his own YouTube page today. You see, Fetty Arbogal put out a special on CISO, man. It's pretty good. It's on Epyx. But they're going to sell it to Netflix in five years. How's it working for Showtime? It was good, dude.

They've got good shows, man. They did me right. I will say, doing this special this Friday, and then the show comes out on Sunday. So it's like this weekend, they're pairing it together. And I fucking, they were great. They did great by me, man. I can't fucking say anything negative about that. The network is the shit right now.

Billions is good for them. They still are kicking out Shameless. People fucking love Shameless still. Bloodline. I mean, there's a bunch of fucking really good shows. Yeah. Showtime's resurfaced as Of the premium cable network that it's wanted to be for a long time

Yeah I did a Netflix special in 2005 And in 2006 Showtime aired it They've put together some good comedy specials Well they have Netflix and Showtime have some kind of deal Because a lot of the times Your Showtime shit ends up on Netflix

They buy out the rights to that. That would be smart. You know, if they did that, that would be smart. Well, it's a good move. It's a good move for everybody. You know, I mean, and I hope they also have it available like it's easy to watch online. You know, where they make it with very few hurdles to be able to watch it online. Yeah, because you've got to give it to people, man, at some point.

Well, not only that, more people find out how good it is, more people watch it, you know, whether it's your show or whether it's your stand-up yeah you know the more more more stuff that gets out there the better it is right absolutely in this crazy day and age i hope more yeah you've come along in the golden age of the comedy story you know that right it's fucking wild man yeah the boom this is the boom right now we're going through it is the bubble pop? I don't think so because there's so much there's so many funny comedians That's the guys like yourself guys There's a lot of guys out there that are really good and that are coming up that are really good There's real good comedy going on right now. I know it's crazy. I think it's breeding really good comedy I think because there's so much great competition. There's so many fucking good people

I think it's breeding to people to be stronger and stronger. Sometimes I see fucking guys where I'm like, God damn, they're getting so strong. Well, it's like you see really good stuff around you. You show up one night and Chappelle goes up and then Chris Rock goes on after him. You're seeing this stuff on a regular basis and the quality of the comedy that you see is very high. So high.

Guys coming up. You know, when I first started the store in 94, it was a dead zone. It was just a terrible time. It was like right after the Kinison boom had ended. Kinison left there like 86. Yeah. And then by the time I came around, it was eight years later.

Kinison was dead. And the place was weird. Nobody wanted to be there. It was weird. It was weird there for a long time, man. Especially in terms of like talent coming up. Especially in terms of talent coming up. The talent coming up back then was really poor. Is this the best you've ever seen it since you started there?

100%. For me, yeah. It's not even close for you. Some guys say it was even better early on. They say it was even better in the 80s. They say before the Kennison era, Dom Herrera especially. He says there was a time where they were doing three shows in the main room, two shows in the OR,

and they were just rotating. Fuck. But we're pretty close to that now. I was just going to say, we're knocking on that door. That's not that far away. We do two shows in the main room all the time on the weekends.

We do two shows in the OR all the time on the weekends. And sometimes, I've done four sets in a night there where I did two shows in the main room, one show in the belly room, and one show in the OR all the time on the weekends. And sometimes I've done four sets in a night there where I did two shows in the main room, one show in the belly room and one show in the OR. That's fucking awesome. It's crazy.

The belly has developed itself into like a real fucking great room. There's just so much creativity and fun going on there. That's what it is. But you know what, man? The improv is not bad right now too. The improv has been really good too. It's like comedy is just like experiencing a cool little bump. Yeah, it i think people don't know how lucky they are in la it's wild man people people live in la and they're like yeah how many guys are on tonight it's like well they're all

gonna be fucking amazing so stick around because everyone you're gonna see is gonna be a fucking good comic just even a couple that suck let's be honest sure it's a few sure Sure. It's a few. Sure. It's going to be a few. There's a lot of comedy tourism, too. People are coming here from Ireland, Scotland. Yeah, that's wild. It's strange. Like, we flew over to watch the store. Like, what?

Weird. I hope our show helps that, too. Fuck yeah, it'll help, dude. I'm going to fucking push the idea of the store being just another fucking iconic piece that people don't know about. You know? For people that don't give a shit about stand-up, they see this i think it'll be more like oh fuck that's kind of cool i'd like to go see more of that shit now are you touring are you going around the world what are you doing um right now because we're kind of waiting to hear what showtime says if we're gonna do this again then i have to fucking cancel a bunch of dates but next week i go to austin

cap city then i go chicago denver Just for Laughs in Montreal, Raleigh. So I'm touring a little bit here into the summer, but if we have to shoot again, I have to cancel a bunch of different dates. No kidding, huh? Showtime waits till the first episode airs to release any official announcements. So when is the first episode air? Sunday, baby. So if it does well on Sunday, they make a choice right then and there?

It takes about, you know, it takes whatever, a little bit of fucking manipulation time of them deciding what they want to do. But yeah, usually shortly after the first episode, they talk about what's going to happen. So did you get a chance to watch it? We did. We saw it last night. Last night was a premiere for like internal for critics and shit. And I was fucking happy. Jim Carrey said some fucking amazing stuff.

He's the executive producer of the show. I don't know if I said that earlier, but he said some fucking amazing stuff he's an executive producer of the show for i didn't i don't know if i said that earlier but he said some fucking really dope shit man he said how much this meant to him and how how people don't really fucking know some of the true history of what that world was like to perform for isn't for no money and that that where there was one there was one way in was johnny carson it like, you get on Carson. It was like, you were fucking on the moon, dude. Wow. And he talked about how a lot of critics, I guess, they got episodes a couple weeks ago. And he said, a lot of you guys have been saying the word dark.

It's not a comedy. He's like, we never sold it as a comedy. Never once did we promote it as a comedy. It's a fucking dramatic show about the world of comedy. Is that funny sometimes? Yeah. There's some really funny fucking moments on our show. But it's about the world that exists. It's about what it's like to be fucking 23 and hungry and poor as fuck and trying to get pussy and trying to get stage time and trying to figure out what you're doing, who's beaten you. And it's just about fucking life. The life of a stand-up. The life of a hustling, hungry, angry, angsty, jealous fucking stand-up. Because we all go through that shit. Dude, I'm excited. I want to watch it right now.

It's fucking, dude, I really hope people enjoy it. I think the first episode is powerful as shit. We have some, dude, the pilot is insane. We have Robert Forrester, Kathy moriarty from raging bull melissa leo is the the matriarch of the show she she plays goldie who runs our comedy club um who is a variation of mitzi but right you know she wouldn't say that we we're on our own space um ari grainer michael angarano there's some fucking just bangers on the show. People that are, they act their mind out. That are just fucking really good, man. And I'm jealous.

I sit along with those people and I'm like, fuck me. These people are really good actors. That's awesome. Yeah. Melissa was the best worker. She won a fucking Academy Award, man. She won an Oscar for The Fighter. So it's like being around a fucking human that won an Oscar is crazy.

Wow. It's wild because I never. Kathy Moriarty was in Raging Bull, man. Yeah, man. And she was also in the dice clay show Yeah, every that was it was the name of the show bless this house bless his house. Yeah, that's right She was his wife Alfred fucking Molina, you know him Alfred Molina. He's the shit. He's in it, too I mean we have Dave they pulled out a few

Big names did you always want to act or do you want to do stand-up or do you want to do both? Oh, I When I went to school I went to school to write to do journalism in English? Or did you want to do both? When I went to school, I went to school to write, to do journalism and English. And I knew I wanted to write and perform. But I was a pussy about performing in school. So I did a few plays because I really wanted to be on stage. But I didn't like the idea of plays. I just wanted to get on stage to get my comfort level up.

Training wheels. Yeah, dude. And one of the teachers pulled me aside one day. And she was like, you know You could actually be a good actor if you didn't just fuck around when you got on stage And I was like, well, I I really want to fuck around on stage She's like well then why don't you go do that for a living and no shit? I was like I'm gonna try and I knew I wanted to stand up so bad and I moved when I moved to LA

I started in LA and I was like, I'm either gonna to sink or swim. When did you start? What year? I moved here 2000 at the end of 2006. I lived on a guy's fucking lazy boy in Long Beach. Wow. And I used to drive up my buddy's truck every single fucking night. I'd drop him off at the casino. He was a professional gambler. I'd drop him off at the casino, take his truck because I didn't have a car or money. Do fucking mics, go to the store and, you know, get intimidated.

Learn some lessons and then fucking drive back home, pick him up. And we fellas, you know get intimidated uh learn some lessons and then fucking drive back home pick him up and we fell so you know could get a burrito and do it all over again that's wild man so you started really coming to the store when i was gone yeah it was like 2007 yeah you weren't around but your legacy was there you know what i mean like it was like we all knew those that came before us and those that we talked about but it was like i was right there when you were when you had kind of left that left that world a little bit but it's wild because it was like i hated the store when i first started dude 2006 2007 was fucking awful the people above us i didn't none of the older comics were that fucking nice the vibe was negative as shit there wasn't a lot

of crowds. The open mics were fucking brutal. They were miserable. They barely got watched. You know, it's just so many negative things about that place at the time that I was,

we were going through it. And then it slowly kind of turned into this, you know, what we've seen now, which is just fucking amazing. What we've seen now is crazy. You pull into the parking lot, it's jammed.

The hallways are jammed with people. I mean, it makes me smile from fucking year to year. It's weird, right? Isn't it weird? Like, it's a different thing. It's crazy. You pull into the parking lot. It's jammed. The hallways are jammed with people. I mean, it makes me smile from fucking year to year. It's weird, right? Isn't it weird? Like, it's a different thing. It's weird. It's weird.

I've been there since 94, man. It's never been like this. This is a totally different thing. It's just, you know what it still does to me? This is the truth. You kind of get desensitized to shit. But seeing my name up on the fucking, up on the board when it's a packed night it still gets me like i still get excited i'm like that's fucking cool i'm a part of this moment in time and comedy at that

fucking club in my opinion the club it's just something else man there's something powerful as shit that's sometimes i walk to the club because i live in the neighborhood and i like to walk instead of drive because it helps me get out of my brain. And every time I fucking walk up and I see my name up there, there's like a fucking overwhelming feeling. The moment I see it, it's like this is, you know, soak it in a little bit because it's fucking doesn't last forever. It's nice to have a place that's like that too. Like to just have one place that stands out as something that means more

than just a comedy club. It's like it's an iconic thing. Yeah. There's something about that place like we're at the store. It's bigger than comedy, man. It's like a, it's something big. It's something fucking special, man. Well, Pauly and I were talking about this,

and I told him that your mom's one of the most important people ever in comedy period like ever one of the most influential humans in the in the comedy world in the world of what we know today as stand-up comedy yes Mitzi Shore is like without her like stop and think about what other comedy club owner has had the kind of influence even remotely similar to what she's had I would know none of the above. I mean, I guess the only person that you could bring into that namesake may be Bud Friedman from the improv. Maybe, because he did Evening at the Improv,

and he had the monocle and everything like that, but I don't think, in the hardcore sense, it's even close. Won't be the same. No. But, yeah, what she did was shape and revolutionize the business that you know today. She knew how to do it, too. Leave it up to the comedians. Leave them and then also give them hard spots make them work for

them work for it that was that's the best part about that club you think someone's funny good put them on after dice or put them on after you know whoever the fuck it was at the time that was killing see how funny they are after richard pryor exactly yeah see how funny they are after someone just destroys. You just gotta go up to this wasteland of the audience. That's such a testament about that club, too.

It's what they've always done. You feel it. I ate plates of shit in that place. There's just no way around it. Following everybody. Following anybody. I followed Pryor

for five weeks. Fuck! When Pryor was in a. Fuck! When Pryor was in a wheelchair, so they would have to carry him to the stage. It was dark. You know what would be really funny? If you had to go on, you had to carry him off and then do your set.

I started from the crowd. Carry the legend. Yeah. But that philosophy that she had that make you work for it, make you sink or swim. Yeah. So important. Because if people that we know to had that make you work for it, make you sink or swim. Yeah. So important because if people that we know to this day that are scared to have tough

spots and we know those people. Totally. Will they see somebody like Joey Diaz in the lineup and they're like, I'm going to go for a drive. I'll be back in a little bit. They'll let somebody else take their spot and they come in and they check. Oh, is he up? Oh, I missed my spot.

Am I on next? I thought you were just here. Where'd you go? Yeah, you hid from Joey Diaz, motherfucker. The only way to go up after Joey Diaz is to just ride the light. Yeah, you got to ride the wave. You have to enjoy him. You have to have fun.

I fucking love watching him. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. The problem with comics when it comes to those sort of situations is you see someone killing and for some reason you think that's taking away from your ability to be funny it's a weird it's the opposite yes they want you to win with someone let them know that you're there to win again instead of well i can't fucking follow that i'm not gonna talk about uh what joey talking about. This is going to be disappointing. Don't get your hopes up. Yeah. Oh, well, good.

I'm glad you set yourself up. Yeah. It's just fucking. You also should be going up laughing. Like, it should be fun. Something happens to some comedians along the line where they stop being fans of comedy. Like, why did you get into this in the first place? Didn't you like watching it?

Right. Were you going to stop watching it now that you're a pro? That's crazy. It wasn't because of all the billions of dollars that you thought you were going to make. You know what I mean? Nobody got in and was like, dude, I can't wait to make so much fucking bank on this shit. Yeah, no one's getting into comedy for that. Although it can be done. You know, if you're like Kevin Hart, it can be done.

But that's not why you get into it. But it's like what we were talking about earlier. It's like people that are trying to get the limelight. Yeah. It's that weird, depressing thing. Versus someone who's just like, I'm are trying to get the limelight yeah it's that weird depressing thing versus someone who's just like i'm just trying to do my best shit just trying to put out my best my best stand-up product i just want to pump out what i'm proud of just hammer that bitch just want to fucking punch him in the fucking head does the uh does the showtime special have your

your rock bit the bit on the rock it's on It's on Showtime right now on the South by Southwest tour that I did. They do the fucking behind the scenes of South by Southwest, and I did a bit at the showcase for South by Southwest, and I put it up on there. Is it in your Showtime special, though? It's not, dude. It's just on that. How is that possible?

Because I did that first, and Showtime put that up. So what? I know I should have done it again. God. I know. Oh, that bit's so good. I should have done it again I know oh that bit's so good I should have done it again motherfucker I thought of you actually that's really I thought of you I was like god I should have done that Joe I bet you fucking Joe Joe would have said that I've told so many people about that bit that's a funny bit but the beauty is it links to it so it's on

showtime so they can watch my other set and all that stuff that's another 15 minutes that I didn't put in my special that I did at South by. Oh, really? Yeah. That I really like. Let's get that shit on YouTube. Somebody, somebody knows how to strip things down. Somebody knows how to do that. Is that it? No.

What is that? Say no more? That's from my first album. That's my old album. When did you put out an album? What year was this? It was two years ago. That was my first album that I put out.

Say no more. Andrew Santino. Say no more. All right, man. That's not it. That's not it. Let's bring out. Say no more, Andrew Santino. Say no more. All right, man. That's not it. Let's bring this bitch home. Yeah, baby. So the show starts Sunday.

That's when it first airs. I'm dying up here. Starts Sunday on Showtime. And if you're a fan of comedy, we definitely want that to keep going. So let's try to support that thing. And Andrew Santino's comedy special. Called Home Field Advantage comes out this Friday. Tomorrow, baby. Dude, you're

one of my favorite up-and-coming guys. I think you're a fucking hilariously talented guy. Thank you, man. That's coming from you, that means a ton, dude. Thank you, brother. My man! Alright, folks, we'll be back tomorrow with Brett Weinstein. And Brett Weinstein is that college professor that is being kicked out of

school because he's been forced out of school because they actually closed Evergreen College down today because of threats the students have taken over the college and he was forced out because he wasn't willing to participate in a white stay-home day they wanted all white people all people of white privilege to stay home he was like that's ridiculous I'm not gonna not teach because I'm white and this guy's like a super progressive guy, too Which is really crazy. They're attacking him. They're screaming in the hallways Hey, hey, ho ho this racist teacher has got to go. They're calling him racist

We are we are almost at the breaking point of political correctness We're gonna talk to Brett Weinstein tomorrow about that and he's also a brilliant professor with a lot of other important stuff to talk about So we'll see you soon. Bye-bye.