The Joe Rogan Experience - #972 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: June 7, 2017

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and also hosts the podcasts "Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank" & "Punch Drunk Sports" available on Spotify. His new 2-part special "Double Negative" debuts on Netflix on July 18th.

Good. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Motherfucking world traveler, Ari Shaffir. That's such a nice way to start. Dude. Can that be a good theme song? You did one of the most puzzling and fascinating and admirable things any of my friends has ever done. You checked out.

Yeah. You checked out for four months. Yeah. You really checked out. You got rid of your phone. You checked out. Yeah. You checked out for four months. Yeah. You really checked out. You got rid of your phone. You didn't answer any emails. You're like, I am going to disappear for four months. Yeah.

You didn't even give a time frame. No. You just said, just going to go do this. I said like one to three-ish or something. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe two. I don't know.

Just we'll see. Did you get the inspiration from the Henry Rollins podcast? No, I was already going to do it. Wow. Yeah, when he said, like, come see me in December, I think he was having shows at Largo. And I was like, oh, I'm already going to be. I think I'll be gone by then. Wow.

I was waiting until I finished off the work I had to do. Do my special. Right. You know, finish up a season that show just like just like get get so i'm not like just leaving every i'm not chapelling anybody yeah you know right chapelling anybody it's a verb yeah dude that rollins podcast you did was one of my all-time favorite ones of yours it's great it inspired me while i was out there though your podcast is great it's really good it's really good you like the format it's fucking great it's great i love your intros you know you're fucking cooking onions and just talking yeah it's so raw it's a really good

podcast man you you've done an amazing job with it i like your music selection when you bring in the guests yeah yeah no you do you do a great job with it. Like, whenever the guest comes up, I was like, okay, what kind of fucking song is he going to play? Yeah. Ingram said it once. I did one with him about having diabetes. And he was like, did you pour some sugar on me at the beginning of the podcast about diabetes?

I was like, yeah, man. Yeah. You got to have something like that goes. That's hilarious. Yeah. Rick Ingram is one of the most underrated guys out there. Yeah. You gotta have something like that goes. That's hilarious. Yeah. Rick Ingram is one of the most underrated guys out there. Yeah. I've seen him kill at the comedy store lately.

He kills hard enough where people have always said, can you not put me on after him? Pussies. Yeah. He's one of those guys. He's a funny dude. Very funny dude. Good guy too. Yeah.

But yeah, that Rollins thing thing I did see you some of that while I was out there that the that when people say like what are you doing out here yeah um I tried a few times I'm here to meet you and it just gets a conversation going because they want to know I think with him it was more his celebrity booth it's just like what you're white. What are you doing here? What are you doing? In some small town in Nowheresville. Did you feel threatened anywhere?

Any sort of threatened, this is a good question. Any sort of like threatening I felt was just me. It wasn't real. It was me looking at people that don't look like me and going, oh, I'm scared. You know, there are others. And then you find out like, like Myanmar is, I mean, 90 something percent Buddhist. Wow. Yeah.

It's a massive, massive part of their, their culture. Is that where you went first? Yeah. Why'd you pick that place? Best weather. Oh. I got my ticket the day before, so i just didn't want to go somewhere where it's going to be raining wow so myanmar had 10 days of clear and i was like i'm headed

to myanmar i guess wow yeah it was great though so what do you like what do you do like how do you set this up do you set up i picked a region a region yeah it caked out between south america and southeast asia you just decided like that looks like a good time of the year to be there picked a region a region yeah a cake now between South America and Southeast Asia you just decided like that looks like a good time of the year to be there yeah exactly

I would love to go to Europe fucking backpack around Europe but not in January not in January February nah it's not gonna be enjoyable whenever I think of Europe I mean even though

I've been to Europe and I love it I think of World War II movies yeah them having like the bunkers I just think of people freezing yeah you know eating food out of cans hearing bombs go off in the background yeah some dust coming in from the ceiling well you know i was thinking the other day when i was looking at all this crazy shit that's been going on in england these terrorist attacks yeah and uh what happened in france and i was just thinking how long that section of the world has been in in turmoil

it's always fighting always fighting yeah and then i was thinking like america is one of the only places where very little shit has gone down like Like little things have gone down. They were obviously big at the time. Like Pearl Harbor was huge at the time. But very few. And then 9-11. And other than that, it's like, boy. What else? And then you look at Europe.

Like, holy shit. Dude, there's a part of France that's the size of Paris that you can't go into. Why? Because there's so many bombs there. What do you mean? There's so much munitions from the world wars Oh really so bad that they have like a area the size of Paris mines and stuff just Musicians just fucking missiles and shit things that were flying there that landed things things that blew off

Were all sorts of chemical waste really? Oh, dude. It's toxic. Oh see if you could pull that up really me. Yeah Yeah, yeah for its I can't go. It's I feel like it's toxic oh see if you could pull that up really yeah yeah yeah it's i feel like it's i feel like it's outside of normandy i forget where it is but there's a section of of france that is literally the size of paris that people can't go into for like a hundred thousand years oh yeah just because it's all this like chemical waste just because of all the waste from the bombs and all the different fucking missiles and rockets and guns and shit. Dude, it's crazy. It's crazy.

Wow. And obviously I don't have the facts in front of me until Jamie pulls it up and my shitty memory. But I know that this is a real place. And I know that there's just leftover like wings of planes. I think it's mostly like things they shot at each other and unexploded some of them unexploded some of them exploded like the waste from them oh yeah here it is see those things all these fucking bombs that didn't go on the cobblestone streets look at those things dude these are all bombs that didn't go off.

But that guy's there. Yeah, well, that guy knows what he's doing. He's just touching it. He's touching it. They pulled that one out. He's got no mask on. Imagine if it went off right next to you. The water area.

It says found to contain certain toxic levels of arsenic that were 300 times above the tolerated amount and abnormally high. Lead levels were recorded in some animals, particularly in the livers of hunted wild boars. Oh, so they buried it all. I think it's just there, man. I think they just have this area. I don't think they buried it. It looks like they put it under mounds of dirt.

Is that what's going on? And then shit grew. Does it say that? No, but those mounds look like that. I don't know. Let's see what, get up to the top. Whoa, cool. Freaky.

A no-go zone of France. Forbidden no man's land. Poisoned by war. Ooh, dude. I mean, look at that guy with the gas mask on. That's an artist's rendition, I think. That is awesome. Yeah, it is.

Up to his knees in water. Why did I think that was real? It doesn't even look a little real. So clearly. It's not even like, it's like chalk painted.

It's so bad. It's not even like, it is a dope picture, but I was reading and looking at the photo and like, oh, is that guy in a gas mask?

Oh, that's not a real picture. Dude, I've seen some tattoos recently on people on Instagram. That's one of the best things that Instagram's for. Tets. Tattoo artists.

There's some people that have done these super realistic photograph tattoos that are just flat out fucking freaky. They can do flat out freaky shit now. You've seen 3D tattoos? I've seen those. Wow. Incredible. Golly. Yeah.

Dude. Tattoo artists, like all artists, I guess, are just because of the internet. Yeah, and then they're taking things to another level because they're seeing the level of all these other people. And like a guy in Germany can compare himself with a guy in Japan and a guy in America. Yeah. Like, Jesus Christ. Wow.

God damn. It looks like his skin is falling off yeah there's a lot of really good tattoo artists out there right now really good some hot chicks

getting them too yeah like all over the place Jesus and guys love that I'm one of those guys you know why what

because you know she's dangerous that's a reckless gal maybe she's got Johnny Depp tattooed on her foot you know she's dangerous. That's a reckless gal. She's got Johnny Depp tattooed on her foot. You know? That girl's crazy. Girls with love and hate on their hands, like, okay, here we go.

Yeah, exactly. It's like you're on a roller coaster ride. It's going click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. And you're at the apex. Yeah, you can never just have a nice quiet dinner with a girl like that. It's got to be on every night. Something's throwing at your head. A girl has Los Angeles tattooed across her stomach.

You're like, whoa. Yeah. You know, and like that gothic, like a gang sign. What's behind your ear? Yeah. Face tattoos is where you're really making a commitment. That's a weird one, right? It's like, I'm willing to like, some people get, I'm a little crazy.

With Khalifa types? Yeah. Oh, those are the, well, how about Gucci Mane? Got a fucking ice cream cone tattooed on his face and it says Burr. Really? Yes. Dude, he got an ice cream cone tattooed on his face and it says Burr. B-R-R-R.

Yeah, like Burr, this is cold. I'm not kidding. He's not like an ice cream guy, though. I like his music, though. But it's not all about ice cream God damn Wow it says burr burr And then the memes bill burr wrong There's lightning bolts off the ice cream cone. I feel like that was put in later

No, I think that was at same time ice cream and ice and lightning. Yeah ice cream and lightning. That's real. That's his tattoo Nothing says gangsta like three scoops of ice cream. Wow. Good for him. It's going to be hard for him to find a job though. Yeah. He doesn't have a job. He's a rapper.

He doesn't need a job. I mean. Okay. I don't want to see. Inside of the lip one. The inside of the lip one is weird. It's weird, right? Freak.

Yeah. It's out of the way. I'm a sneaky freak. I'm hiding my freakiness inside my face. It's weird, right? Yeah, it's out of the way. I'm a sneaky freak. I'm hiding my freakiness inside my face. There's no virgins with tattoos. Well, I'm sure there must be. Maybe.

I'm sure there must be. But not really, though. That's not even unusual. What about asexual people? Do you believe in asexual people? Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely, right? Yeah, I've met a couple.

Some people just don't touch me. Thanks It's not like they just are antisocial they still want to fuck there's no interest in it. Yeah, so what about them? Oh Yeah, I don't think it ever happens Stick to a commit to an opinion. Yeah, exactly. It doesn't matter if I didn't research it. You're not even totally sure. You're not even totally sure. Oh, I'm 100% sure, man.

Wow. I'm doubling down. Interesting. I like how you do that. You've raised your voice. Yeah. You've extended your head. There's something about movement.

Have you seen this fucking video? I don't know if you know what's going on in Evergreen College. Do you know where Evergreen College is? Evergreen State College? It's more in the north? It's in Pacific Northwest. And there's this crazy shutdown. I had this professor on the podcast because the kids had asked him to not show up at school.

And no white people show up at school. For No Whites Day. Because, yeah, they wanted a day where whites didn't.'t and he's like that is the opposite of inclusiveness like this is this is not what we're supposed to be doing so they kick him out right he's kicked him out instead of saying no how about everybody day well this is what they did they didn't really kick him out what they did is they protested they yelled and screamed and he unsafe, and he left the college, and then the college got shut down due to threats. Why did it get shut down?

Oh, really? Threats, yeah. People called in. They even played the threats on the air. What do you mean threats? He was already gone. No, other people called in. To threaten the college?

Yes. Because? Yeah. Oh, because. Like right-wing people. Oh, right, right, right. They called them a bunch of commies, and they left a voicemail saying, I'm going to come down with my.45 Magnum. That's too far yeah 44 magnum maybe 44 oh that's all right then he

specified the round which i thought was hilarious like the exact type of gun i have yeah okay well if you come with a shotgun i know it's just a game like um but anyway the college professor got in trouble like talking to these kids. They told him to put his hands away because he was gesturing with their hands. They were yelling out that it's a microaggression. And they got him, they got him to put his hands down. And then they started laughing at him. Oh.

Dude. They started laughing like, haha, we made you put your hands away. They were like, put your hands down. See if you can find it, Jamie. Cause I think who had it? I think I'm trying to figure maybe Brett Weinstein had it queued up on his, um, his Twitter page.

He's the professor. That word, by the way, is dead on. It's just the, the connotative meaning now has become something super negative, microaggression, microaggression,

not even a small aggression. Well, micro, it's like the smallest possible thing you can think of in terms of regression you're like okay sure whatever but if you watch the video this guy's just moving his hands he's just talking like this and they're like put your hands down your hands are aggressive let's do and then they laugh at him when he complies they openly mocked him and laughed like we're fooling with you we didn't really believe that microgresh stuff we made you we made you we turned you into a cuck they're little kids these are little kids they're you're you know when you talk to people who understand how brains develop one of the big things that they always say is the frontal lobe the frontal cortex doesn't really develop until you're like 25. It's not fully developed.

They're just, I was in college. I understand. Yeah. We're not that smart. We learned a few things. We don't know how to put it into play yet. And so you just say it.

And that's my theory on why people send their kids away to college is because they're fucking embarrassing and they don't want them anywhere near them while they're trying to grow into real people. Oh wow. Yeah. They're learning stuff where they're like, we know everything't want them anywhere near them while they're trying to grow into real people. Oh, wow. Yeah, they're learning stuff, but they're like, we know everything. Do you really think that's it?

Oh, yeah, a little bit. Also, they say for the experience of going away, but like, no, it's like, hey, fucking be an awful developing thing away from me. Hmm. Go embarrass someone in Wisconsin. Interesting. Yeah, I hear those NYU girls talking all the time.

I stand behind them and like, listen. Oh, yeah? You know, on their conversations. Girls boys you know mostly girls are you creeping i mean you know whatever are you creeping sort of sure obviously i'm super into that but like uh but yeah they're just dumb they're dumb when you listen to them and you're like you're just well-read and dumb well there's a lot of people I mean, are 18 years old and you can have a very intelligent conversation with them. Yeah, sure, some. Yeah. And then there's a lot of people. And there's a lot of people who are 18 who are basically 12.

They're basically like a grown-up baby. It's not their fault. It's no one's fault. longer to kind of get how to, you know, sort of factor all the aspects of life together and make it some sort of a manageable plan for yourself and live your life. But the idea of those kids being able to run that, that principal and run that, the president of that school like that and tell him to put his hands down and laugh at him. Dude, they laughed at him. I've heard a few smart people going about trump when people like small hands you know and and the left will attack that it's like oh you're a small dick or you're right here i saw one i

think i forget who comedian i used to open mics with i think she's a writer now forget who it was but um she was like don't say that don't take their tactics don't say looks are an important thing here yeah that's that's not what we believe in so stop saying that not only that you're gonna shame the shit out of all those guys that are out there that actually have small yeah exactly right her point was like don't don't just because you know that'll affect him you're doing the same thing that right does don't do that yeah isn't that amazing though that that is what we decide to do as a collective group of humans to find the thing that you can mock about him physically. Like his dick is little.

He's got small hands. Look at your small hands. And then there's people in the audience that actually have small hands. Like, fuck. Because Trump's a big giant guy. Is he really tall? I think he's like 6'2". He's probably like your height.

Oh, wow. He's a big guy. Like, he's a big imposing guy like if you see that's that was the one of the speculations about jim comey that um james comey that trump didn't like him because he was six foot eight oh because he's huge james comey's like this giant basketball player like dude huge yeah and he uh just towered over everybody including trump trump's like get rid of that fucking guy but i'm sure it was more complicated because he's investigating him but that's more

of shaming people love to do that oh you tiny little man yeah both sides love doing it yeah it's weird because you you're attacking something that's the person can't change at all yeah like what do you know like what do you care if he has small like look how big comey is call me he's a giant wow he's a super person he dwarfs everybody oh my god he's huge he's an enormous guy everyone you know you i if i was donald trump and i was in this sort of a dispute with a guy like that he's saying yeah look how big you grew. I would worry about Comey running for president. Really? Fuck yeah. Yeah, I watch House of Cards, son.

I know how this game is played. The next move is Comey runs for president. A bunch of people, they get in a room with him. There's his bankers and there's this one dude who's an internationally

successful businessman but he keeps like a humble lifestyle and a normal house and he likes to bird hunt. Hey watching at home right here is when Joe Rogan explained to me how it works in politics now back to the actual show yeah they do a little too much of that sometimes the camera they get away with it sometimes you know what I want here's what I want I want Claire Barnes to do

those every now and then. Who's Claire Barnes? I Claire Underwood. His wife? Started the new season? Yeah. His wife? Yeah. Yeah.

I want his wife to do it. Underwood. Anthony Hopkins? No. Didn't I say Underwood the second time? Barnes. But I said the second time. Who the hell's Claire Barnes?

The reporter? Is that the girl's name in Homeland? I've run out of space in my head for names. I don't have any. Maybe it is in Homeland. Maybe it is it. They're all jumbling together. No, it's Zoe Barnes.

No, Claire Danes. Oh, that's right. Zoe Barnes. That's who it is. That's right. Claire Underwood. I want to hear what she says. Yeah.

She's not allowed. Why doesn't she look at the camera? She's mysterious. They have that. It's a director's cut. They show on the Wii Network. Mmm. Mmm, on the Wii Network.

Yeah, it's only the women's points of view. They have to take your chromosomes before they let you watch it. You hold on to your remote and test to make sure you're double X. No Y. No Y. The Wii Network. Does anybody watch that anymore? Chicks. Yeah, I guess i guess same people like hallmark

nobody really watches either of those though right nobody really watches somebody watches but nobody really dude go to nebraska but like they watch it more than like nbc they dvr the shit out of it david taylor once said he was trying to write uh they were buying like dumb scripts for a hallmark channel and he said he watched he researched a bunch of them and he goes pretty much every one of the movies that work is about a pet a family reunion or a holiday so he

had a lost my dog at Christmas time movie that he wrote just to try to get it on there he's like I'll fill all this stuff that's hilarious yeah remember that billboard He's like I'll fill all this stuff. That's hilarious. Yeah Those remember that

Billboard across the street from the store was always the Hallmark Channel. Yeah forever to where my favorite comments you ever made because it was this like cop show where's to a woman in the front a Woman behind her kind of Charlie's Angels ish little it's looking tough guns and then like a dude way way in the back Maybe three women one guy but they're like a hard-nosed detectives and you're like hallmark channel is sci-fi for women in what world does this exist i forgot i said that but it's so true i was doing that on stage for a while i was doing yeah now that i remember it i was doing it i'm saying that on stage for a while. Really? Yeah, now that I remember it, I was doing it. I was saying that on stage because it was right there. And I could point to it.

And I'd say, there is a fucking billboard across the street. And I need you to go out there and look at it. I'm telling people, after the show, look at it. This joke's going to be better after the show. It really was. Like, see what's possible? And you're like, that is not possible. The guy would be like, give me the fucking gun.

Where is he? That guy's like hanging back there. Like he's waiting for these chicks to save him. What the fuck are you watching? Me and Jay went on a rabbit hunt over at his place of looking for videos of like women cops getting beat up. Oh, God. They're awful.

It's really bad. It's like once a guy that grabs you it's like fuck there's a huge power difference here so disturbing there's one i'll never forget this one because the guy's child it was his child i think or his girlfriend yeah i forget who it was i think it was his kid was screaming at him to stop stop to stop and he was beating the shit out of this cop oh wow yeah yeah he got out of the car with her and it was a woman and she was really little and um she was pulling him over and he got out of the car and i don't remember the exact chain of events but i remember he was punching the fuck out of her and he KO'd her and he on the ground he smashed her in the face a bunch of times yeah and his kid was

screaming I'm pretty sure it was his kid screaming to stop oh it was so scary but it was like this is the reality of being a cop this is why it's not sexist to think that it's a scary thing to have

a 130 pound woman on her own out there driving around in a cop car with a gun trying to pull over six foot four the guy was a stacked looking black dude right like he looked like a big guy and once he got a hold of her and started punching her holy shit dude it was awful it was awful he beat the shit out of her and he did it super easy and you realize like once you got it on video yeah you want to show a little bit show it to us it's awful man so there's this big dude right he gets out of the car and i think it's his look at that he just punches her in the face and don't in front of his daughter oh that's what

it was. Oh, man. He keeps wailing on her. Oh, dude. He beat the fuck out of her while she's out cold. She's out cold. And he takes her gun. He takes everything.

And the daughter's freaking out. Dude, it is hard to watch. It's hard to watch. Get back in the car. Oh. Yeah, man. There's a bunch of them man It's such a dangerous job like ten times. It's such a dangerous job

It's such a dangerous job and to say that it's too dangerous for women Who's to say I know that's I don't know if that woman quit after that if she kept working You think she kept working? I don't know. I she might have had brain damage after that that's horrific it's a big dude and i bet she was swinging full yeah i mean he's really and i bet she was totally defenseless after the first punch so it was just clean clean punches right to the face boom boom boom i mean the damage that a big guy like that can do to just a regular female face. What's that going to do to that guy's daughter, too? Is she going to grow up? Oh, my God.

It's terrifying to be around that kind of violence when you're that little. So that's what it was. Why did I think the video showed the kid in the car? Right out of the car. Right next to it. It was terrible. But, I mean, that's probably one of a hundred of those things that have happened by the way in terms of if i felt uh unsafe when i was traveling that shit's here sure you're right yeah yeah it's no i was nowhere as unsafe as like

chicago yeah that's what i always say about mexico like people like uh do you ever go to mexico i'm like mexico is like mostly nice right right nice people, right. Nice people. They're really nice people. Like Mexico's not the problem. The problem is parts of Mexico. Border towns too in general. Some people, yeah. But it's also like, that's the problem,

like you said, with Detroit. It's a problem with Chicago. Yeah. It's a problem with a lot of places. There's spots where it's fucking dangerous. Yeah. Even most of Chicago's good.

Yeah, Chicago's great. 550 murders last year, but think how many people weren't murdered. Dude, that's a great outlook. You're a glass half full kind of guy. Millions of non-murdered people roaming around Chicago really enjoying their freedoms. Yeah.

I mean, if it affects you or someone that you love, it's terrible. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. So in all this traveling. Yeah. Did you come out of this with anything? You know, a few things.

For sure. Because you seemed like, to tell you from the outside yeah you seemed like almost like you uh had a different perspective you you also you seemed i don't know man it was nice to see you when i first saw you when you came back yeah but you seemed like a little different you seem like you um i don't know you've seen another level of stuff like you see you've got another level of perspective from this travel thing that like added to your your vision of the world your your overall world view yeah a lot of time to think also as you're seeing stuff You know certainly as everyone would see out there like poverty levels where you're like, oh, I'm doing fine Yeah, you know, but not even that it's more specific. It's just like I know

Friendly people and like yeah, I'm just different versions or plus travelers and plus really get into a place where you're like Don't need to do anything You know after a month of that it's like okay you just settle into this like i don't know what's today gonna bring right you know you wake up and you're just like i heard there's this cool temple there we'll go check that out maybe let's get on motorbikes and go somewhere i heard there's a cool you just talk to other travelers and be like there's a canyon up there it's really neat go check that out while you're here and so you just do and at some point like you know how when you haven't got enough sleep You just talk to other travelers and be like, there's a canyon up there. It's really neat. Go check that out while you're here.

And so you just do. And at some point, like, you know how when you haven't gotten enough sleep for like a few days in a row, you've got four hours, four hours, four hours, and you sleep like 11 hours and you're like, I am completely caught up. So like not having any responsibility, the stress level goes down, down. And then it's just like waiting in that zero responsibility life for like i'm three months in that level i guess wow you know after the first couple weeks and it's just like i don't have anything to do just like oh and just like fucking relax man i would leave a city when it felt like the right time to leave a city you know it wasn't even like a regular vacation where you're like come on we, we got to do this and move. Right. We got reservations somewhere. Yeah.

It was just like relax. And then I could just think about things, my art form in general, people in my life, you know what I want and don't want. I'd have like moments of just like, yeah, it took a 10 hour bus.

There's no wifi, you know, you're just like thinking for a while yeah tons of moments like that how did you know when to end it um so i um i was gonna come back for this show um but then i remembered my my manager my friend eric they wanted to do a show at Third Man Records in Nashville for the Wild West Comedy Festival, and I forgot about that, because people asked me, when do you have to go back,

like travel as I meet? I was like, I'm open. Dude, there were so many people that were just traveling open. Wow. Yeah. That's really common? I mean, three months is like a norm.

Really? You have some people six months or a year. I met an Italian girl who was going on her five and a half, fifth and a half years just traveling. Five and a half years just traveling? Mm-hmm. She'd find jobs every once in a while. Wow. Yeah.

And it's just, she goes where she wants. It's very appealing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's very fascinating, right? That's like, nobody writes books about a guy who stays in his town that he grew up in. it's very appealing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very fascinating. Right. That's like, nobody writes books about a guy who stays in his town that he grew up.

The book is about the crazy traveler person. It goes all over the world in a backpack. And yeah, there's three month people all over America doing that. I know there's a lot of tent people. There's a lot of people that like, they'll get like a truck, you know, like some sort of uh get off the suv thing and they drive it around the campgrounds and they camp and they

use the showers at the campgrounds and then they do stuff enough for money so that they have gas and they keep traveling around and hope their car doesn't break down. A lot of jobs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this girl picked oranges in Sydney for like two months. I had this dude on, Chris Cage. He walked the Appalachian Trail. Wow. Yeah. It's Georgia all the way to Maine. And would he kill animals and stuff?

No, no, no. I don't know. How do you survive? You would never make it. You would never make it. What do you mean? Well, you'd never make it if you were just trying to kill animals all the way. You'd never make it.

So how do you eat? You'd have to be an elite hunter, and you still might not ever make it. Because if you're carrying that food around, it's going to go bad. You're walking through Georgia in the summer. No, I mean, you know, critters. Critters? You're not going to get enough. Just cook it that night.

You'll starve. Really? Yeah, you'll starve. It's way harder to kill an animal than people think it is. In a movie, that's what they do. It's like, let's camp, get some dinner. Dude, it's way harder to kill an animal than people think in the movies it's that's what they do it's like let's camp get some dinner dude it's way harder it's way harder yeah yeah you know unless you're walking around with several high-powered rifles and scopes and you're setting up you know where the animals are they hear you coming you're walking you're not gonna be able to walk all the way to maine Oh, man. Maybe that's you. An experienced hunter like me.

I don't understand. You have to get in their heads, man. They go to restaurants. Yeah. They buy food. They stay in hostels. You know, they have these little camping spots where they have covered shelters and people share them.

Really? Yeah. There's a lot of that, too. Yeah. Where it's just like, oh, forget about your, like, what you need in terms of, like, hotels. Yep. That's all out. You need forget about your, like what you need in terms of like hotels. Yep. That's all out. You need a bed.

That's all you need. Some people, they carry it on their back. There's a thing called a bivy sack. You know what a bivy sack is? A bivy sack is like either a bivy sack or a bivy tent. Um, they're like essentially a, like a combination sleeping bag tent. Oh, cool. And it's super light. Pull, pull up pull up um a picture of a bivy tent

yeah it's one of the reasons i didn't go to south america is because i was like there's gonna be more camping it seems like up and down the coast and stuff yeah that's like cities and i'm just like i don't know if i can camp alone for that long you might freak out yeah it'd be hard to get a good night's sleep around a bunch of weirdos speak their language. This is what they look like. Oh, neat. So you keep that thing.

They wrap it up, put it on their back. It's pretty light. You can carry that with you. Oh, it just keeps the fucking rain off you? Yeah. It's basically like just this tiny-ass little tent. And if you were a minimalist hiker, like if you're some guy who's trying to walk 50 miles or something crazy like these guys, they try to carry as light a stuff as they can. Yeah.

They try to go as minimal as they can. And that's one way that they do that. Yeah. And then a lot of times they'll use, like, a little air mattress like that dude has. Oh, wow. Blow it up. Doesn't take up any space. Yeah.

Just got to hope it doesn't pop. Oh, yeah. Otherwise you're sleeping on rocks. It's hard, but. That's what everybody did, too, traveling for this backpack. You just got to make it work. Space was like a, that's another thing you learn, too. It's like, I don't need much stuff.

Yeah. You go down to just a backpack full of that's all your belongings. Right. If you buy anything, you gotta throw something out. Yeah, man. Like there's a real movement right now towards minimalism or where people are trying to pare their life down as much as possible. Yeah.

I think people don't want to get involved with like banks and fucking having to like mortgage themselves and their lifestyle just for the sake of like having things. and they're like and so they get into like stuff like camping and hiking well it's also you got to think like what do you really appreciate what's important to you like what's really important to you yeah because you don't have forever right so what is important to you because you only have 24 hours in a day so what's important to you find out what the fuck that is and do more of that. Yeah. And try to figure out how to make enough money so that you're not starving, that you're doing

well. Yeah. But don't just chase that. Chase what you're trying to do. The point system attached to it, the monetary point system, it can get you all fucked up because it'll get you working like 12 12 hours a day 13 hours a day What to get more stuff? To get better stuff to get more prestigious stuff to get stuff that you know all your other stuff having friends are really jealous of

Your stuff yeah, you're just gonna die bro, and it's not living in long term. I mean like what are you getting out of it now? That's what I meant. That's what's most important. Yeah a ton of people that are like I don't want that shit So I'm just going to do a job, you know, working on a tugboat in Seattle for a few months, save up money and then go fucking enjoy myself. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of people that are just choosing to look at everything that they can see, experienced every new place that they can go to. That Henry Rollins podcast, man. It's a world changer.

Yeah. That crazy fucker. He's fascinating. Yeah. He's a a fast i never met anybody like him he's really fascinating he goes and like does stuff and see stuff it was just also his outlook how he simplifies all the things that are wrong with him and all the things that are wrong with the way he interacts with people and so this is what i'm gonna do and this is you know, like he's like his, his story about being given. It was Ritalin. It was Ritalin, right?

From the time he was like five. If he was a young boy, they gave him Ritalin until senior year of high school. So he was like, I would just be on these pills. I'd be like all day. At the end of the day, like, boom, he would like crash. And then they do it again. I mean, were did juicing him up with this crazy stuff From like he was an experimental case he grew up in from what I understand He's from Potomac, Maryland, which is the same County as where I grew up in but he that was the richer part of town Not that he was a rich kid, but like Montgomery County is one of the richest counties in America.

And that was just a standard thing. If your kid's not performing ideally, he's learning disabled, give him some pills. Right. Crazy. People thought for a while that that was the way to go. I just, it's just fascinating that he's so, like Henry's so intense, and he's so, like he's got like these rock solid ethics.

This view of the world that's very egalitarian and very open, but also very aggressive. It's very interesting. It's like he's thought it out, though. It's not just like, oh, whatever, and this is what I believe no matter what. Yes. He's like, oh, yeah, for sure, I thought about this, and here's the answer. No, I super enjoyed talking to him. Thanks for hooking that up.

Yeah. I'm glad it worked out. I was gone, but I was like, I got back. I was like, did you ever link up with him? You're like, yeah, we did. It was a good podcast. Like, oh hell yeah. Yeah.

It was really good. He's, uh, I just love when someone is just soaking in as much as they can get. Yeah. Just out there. Like, let's go to bali and he just goes to bali let's go to africa now we're in tanzania now we're in botswana you know and just meeting people and yeah going out on the fucking sand dunes and shit and it's like with bedouins yeah i mean if you get away from like the backpackers path, you know, the tourist path. And sometimes it would get like too much.

But you just go out and then you can like, yeah, really see some shit. Like basically what it is. Yeah. My friend Jesse's going back to Liberia. Whoa. December. They left after when Charles Taylor was taken over. And so, but now it's safe again.

Is it? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And they're trying to convince the world that it's like a decent like tourist place. But Jesse's going back and saying, dude, I'm coming with you. I'm staying with your fucking family's house. Not in a hotel, but like, let's see what it's just really like out there. Yeah.

Let's see. Yeah. I bet it's a trip. Yeah. Did you ever see the Vice piece on Liberia? Mm-mm. Vice guy to travel. And they went to Liberia and my man Shane

Yeah, he was over there in Liberia talking to this dude who his name is general butt naked This guy was famous for going into combat during the war Take all his clothes off and he'd run naked, killing people naked. Wow. Dude, he admitted he was talking about how they would capture a child from the other tribe and they would kill him and cut pieces of the heart out and eat it to give them invincibility. Like he was talking about this. Wow.

And he's free on the streets and they exonerated him because now he's like a Christian minister. Yeah. Pretty much only Charles Taylor got punished. Everyone else was like, you're all done. Go be part of the government. It's okay. This guy like openly talks about all the crazy shit that he did. Wow. About cutting the hearts out of children and eating them. You know how Liberia was started?

Yes. I didn't know that until recently. Tell everybody. Slave thing. Freed slaves. Yeah. They went back to President Monroe, freed them, and said, we'll ship you back there if you want. And a lot of people were like, yeah, I don't trust you guys. So I'm going to, yes, I'm going to go back to Africa. Crazy. But they never grew up. And so they called it Liberia for liberated.

And that's why they all speak English. There was no, they don't have any African language anymore. Dude. Wow. Yeah. Monrovia is their capital The idea of it is so crazy I know I use that expression too much What going back and starting up a Free slave country

Well just taking them and throwing them onto a Patch of land good luck Yeah It's like setting out a zoo animal into the wild Right It's like have fun surviving Holy shit, man, and just talk about feeling displaced and confused. You didn't even grow up there I don't have any lions and in fucking Georgia and you must be thinking yourself like what kind of shit luck do I have?

I've double shit luck I have shit luck that I was a slave and then shit luck that I was I have shit luck that I was a slave and then shit luck that I was thrown back to Africa. I think that might have been the way to go. Oh, yeah, for sure. To be free is better. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Or to be the semi-free of post-slavery America. What I'm saying, like it's still a bad hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's shit luck. Yeah. Yeah. You only get three cards. The best you can do is three of a kind. Well, this general butt naked guy turned a dude in Because the dude was selling human flesh uh-huh and he knew because he had eaten human flesh

So he knew what it tasted like so that's how when he was buying like shish kebab from this guy. He turned him in He's like this guy was selling human flesh. I could tell because I've eaten it before what the fuck did you just say? You could tell what it tastes like if I gave you a of lamb, would you know for sure that was a lamb? I'd have an idea. Yeah, an idea. But I could maybe sneak in like a piece of wild sheep or something. You might think that was a lamb. Yeah, sure.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. This guy knew. This motherfucker knew. That's him right there. I think I know what human flesh tastes like. That's him right there. General butt naked.

Wow. Yeah. It tasted. I got a taste. taste it was human i called the police wow nice time he knows what human tastes like dude yeah fuck just said that when they're testing out when they were testing out like rocket launches to sell them to people there they would be like let me show you and they would just blow up a dam you know and so the infrastructure is totally fucked because everyone's testing out there No, we need that building. Oh my god. That's so crazy. Yeah, but like cool works. I'll take ten Well, maybe it'll eventually like calm down and be like Australia

Right because Australia was a place where they wanted to get rid of prisoners, huh? Off to Australia now the best people ever. Maybe that's exactly what's going to happen to Liberia. They just need a couple of generations to knock the dust off. Well, they got rid of Taylor, so they should be okay. Yeah, maybe they'll be fine. It just takes a while to rebound from some shit like that. Yeah, but Henry Rollins has that of going to a place and like, let me see what this is like.

Yeah, man. It's kind of inspiring. There's not a whole lot of people that do it, that's for sure. Yeah. And he works. Like, his work ethic's insane. Like, I'm talking about his writing and what he's doing, and he's always doing something. He's writing columns and, you know, he's just always.

It's like he goes and does stuff, and then he comes home and takes care of business. Yeah. And then he's like, cool, took care of it, go. I think I would do this again after my next special. Yeah? Yeah. You're just going to just every couple years? When you're finished with work it's like all right before i start building up again do a walkabout yeah i don't know see some of the world yeah do a walkabout i met a

bunch of people doing gap years what's a gap year yeah exactly what's a gap year it's all over every other country just not ours what's that mean in between high school and college you're leaving your friends you're about to make new friends. Oh, take a year off. Get out of here for a year. In between college and grad school or college and your first year of work. Now's the time. Well, European countries have a point in this more relaxed approach.

Yeah. To like the future and your life. Yeah. They really do. This conquerors mentality. I wonder how many heart attacks we have in comparison to European people. They really do. This conqueror's mentality. I wonder how many heart attacks we have in comparison to European people.

I don't know, but it's like, we're not living our lives. You know Germans get off, how many, are you familiar with the vacation time leave in America?

What is it? It's two weeks, pretty much. That's it? Two weeks vacation, two weeks sick. Do you get paid vacation? Paid vacation,

two weeks. Is that standard? Yeah, that's a standard. Okay. That's nine to 5 vacation, two weeks. Is that standard? Yeah, that's the standard. Okay. That's 9 to 5.30, you know. In Germany and most of Europe, definitely all of Scandinavia, you get 25 days off. Jesus.

Five weeks. Jesus. And if you get sick during those weeks off, if you had to go to a hospital in wherever country you're in, and you showed them I was in a hospital, you get those days back. They'll count against your sick time instead. And they expect you to take the vacation time too. Not like here where they're like, come on, you can't really use it. You know what's fucked up?

Sick time. Like I ran out of sick days. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like what? What do you mean? You're sick. Like you're sick. Like either you're a fucking liar or I trust you.

Now if I trust you, you're a fucking liar or i trust you now if i trust you you're just really unfortunate and if i love you and we're friends and we work together um i want you to get better i don't want you to say so okay yeah you you don't have to come back to work because you know you already used up your 14 days you're gonna exactly sick the same amount of time every year too like you imagine telling somebody like buddy you're out of sick days. I'm going to have to dock your pay. You're dying. What? I can't breathe. You want IVs and shit?

I don't care. You're out of sick days. The calendar doesn't back you up on that. The statistics say in order to keep revenue flowing, we must keep you in the process. Yeah. What? You have a certain amount of days you're allowed to be sick. That's fucking ridiculous.

Hopefully, there'll be zero. Well, I'm saving up my sick days. What? You save up your sick days? What does that mean? Like, your sick days carry over? Yeah, exactly. So you get extra days where you can pretend you're sick?

No, you can't save up sick days. You can save up vacation days. I don't think you can save up sick days. I should be able to. You should be. I didn't get sick. I should be able to move them around like cards. At least give you half of them back.

I took four. I have ten left over. Give me five for next year. People with real jobs are so mad at us right now. You motherfuckers don't know shit about sick days or work days to be under the thumb of an oppressive dictator. I'm saying it's terrible. It's an expectation you

never take off. You have to pour your whole life into that shit. And it's like, oh, man, go do some stuff. Okay, let me play devil's advocate, because if I was one of the people out there that likes to complain about shit, I'd be like, that's easy for you to say, Ari, you haven't had a job. You don't have the responsibilities I have. Yeah, that's true. All right, I'll be quiet in the podcast.

No, no, no. I'm saying, though, they demand better. They get it better in other places. They absolutely should first of all there's an expectation that you go fucking see the world

and go do stuff 40 hour a week work week is bullshit it's bullshit you're not productive at that level nobody should do it

and it shouldn't be standard everyone has to do the same amount unless I want to buy something that you make then could you please like get everybody to do overtime

and put in a night shift yeah and give people uh time and a half for overtime so you encourage them to go overtime yeah time and a half you can get out of the mindset of having to work this time and just demand something better or more interesting for your life well it's just a weird standard that we've all accepted pretty much across the country. Nine to five, nine to five, nine to five. Morning, Sam. Morning, Bob. Nine to five.

It's nine to five thirty or six. Oh, yeah. If you want to take a lunch break, you don't get paid for that anymore. You don't? No, it's not nine to five anymore. Is that Trump? Did he do this? No, no.

It's been a long time. Nine to five. It's bullshit. Nine to five. Nine to five. time nine to five nine to five nine to five could you imagine what a weird weird decision to make the most significant thing be the productivity it's pretty much where's that horn going off young jamie you hear that is it in the back just give it a little double check go out there with the baseball bat tell him to shut the fuck up. But like walk towards him aggressively. The move is

walk out there with your dick in your hand. That way you startle anyone you see and you always have the first move. Yeah, exactly. They're reacting to you now. Like this guy's crazy. He came out with his dick out. Yeah. Like if you're getting ready to fight and you just come out holding on to your dick

people are like, whoa, what's he planning? A lot of people would back down from that fight. A lot of people wouldn't. A lot of people might not. People would be worried that dick would touch you. But once it did touch you, we'd realize it really doesn't do anything. It's okay. That'd be the chief thing.

People would have to lean back with their hands forward to try to get. As if your punches don't matter, but the dick touching you does. Yeah, like he's going to touch you and give you cooties. Yeah. He's going to zap you. It's kind of like an electric yield dick i gotta pee right here yeah i don't want to leave you're gonna use a kombucha bottle yeah man it's the healthiest bottle you've done this twice really yeah we've done this on the podcast before great for sure i like the fact that you're willing to

do that too i don't think we can show it on youtube though so we'll have to we'll have to move away oh all right guys dick out cambodia bottles are great too because they got a big opening yeah so it doesn't uh vacuum up how often do you pee do you pee several times a day every day but are you like one of them healthy water drinker dudes i pee a lot do you are you a healthy water drinker, dude? Interesting detail that just happened. Oh, you ran out? Oh, no. Hold on a second. Jamie, go to the recycling. Get me something.

It's all right. I'm pinching. I got a strong grip. I mean, you can move it. I don't have to take it. Why are you touching the bottle? A cup? Not a bottle? Hold on.

Hold on. Hold it. Seems like a bottle. Oh, man. It's going back in, though. I can feel it starting to swell back in. That's unhealthy. I've been pinching too long.

Should I pee into the cup? A bottle, yeah. Oh, you emptied it. Oh, thanks, man. Oh, yeah, a lot went back into my urethra. Ari Shafir couldn't hold in his pee, ladies and gentlemen. Couldn't means wouldn't. Filled up one kombucha bottle.

Here's a cap there, fella. And then filled it up again. I had to go empty it out for him. Thanks for doing that. My pleasure. That's a real friend. Yeah. I didn't want to leave you hanging there, dude.

There was only one solution. I almost went to the kitchen sink. And then I'd be like, ew, then we'd have to rinse that out. That shit would be nasty. Dude, that bathroom sink is nasty. You ever have a cleaner in here? No. Oh, it looks like a bachelor.

We're on our way out of this place. Oh, man. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. You just got used to it. You've slowly seen it get worse and worse. I like gas station bathrooms. Trying to recreate that here. Trying to recreate that here.

Trying to recreate that here. I should definitely have someone come in and clean that up. It's a fucking 409. Damn. Do you like doing your podcast like the way you're doing it? You just like have a subject. Yeah. For the most part.

I mean, you can deviate once you start talking but you have like a set thing you want to talk to someone about yeah it keeps me focused and then it's also like uh i get to ask real detailed questions myself i want to ask about right you know yeah um and usually i get it with some like level of expert not like the best in the world but someone who has experience with something. Right. Like I'm an expert on stand-up comedy. You know? I've been one. Right.

So if you were doing that, I could tell you all about stand-up. I know more than most people in the world. You know about hunting more than most people. You know? Not really. Yeah, but you've done it more than like Ian Edwards. I know more than the average person. Yeah, than the average person.

But when it comes to people who actually know it, I'm very novice. Right. I'm always asking questions. I'm aware of it enough to be like, yeah, I know about that world. Yeah, I know a little bit about that world. Yeah. So yeah, I like doing it that way. But imagine if a five-year comic started talking about what stand-up is.

That'd be a problem. You'd be like, shut up, annoying boy. It does take a lot longer with stand-up. It's the same with hunting. Really? Yeah, I'm a five-year hunter. So for me, I just shut the fuck up and listen to people that actually know what's going on. Yeah.

Or parrot what they say. It's too complicated. Hunting is super complicated. There's a lot involved in that. Yeah, but generally it's like Theo Vaughn climbed Kilimanjaro. Did he really? Or up to base camp or something. I don't know, something like that.

I love that guy. Oh, he's great. He's so funny, man. Yeah, he's really hilarious. He's so funny, man. Yeah, he's really hilarious. He's so funny. I was in the back of the OR the other night, and he was killing me. I mean, killing me to the point where I was crying, tears were rolling down my face. He's so silly.

Did you ever hear him talk about meeting Brad Pitt? That bit? Yes, I did. I did, yeah. Yeah, he's real funny, Theo Vaughn. He's really funny. If you get a chance to see him, folks, if you're out on the road, unless Ari's in town. Jason Tebow does an impression of him for Punch Drunk.

Does he? Yeah, he'll just come in sometimes. Him and Dean Del Rey. Yeah. And you're just like, oh, I'm talking to Theo now. He does it so good with that accent. That's hilarious. I know.

That's part of what's funny about him, too, is his accent. He's just fucking great. So many funny guys there man dude he did he stayed at my apartment one month i think it was in edinburgh last year so he stayed at my place and uh he was like oh man ari i got heavy into coke it just went fucking nuts that's hilarious yeah but he left it clean better than anybody else who stayed there

really? yeah Duncan left it pretty nice too yeah by the way that's the thing that kept me out a little bit what?

is that I was like Duncan you can stay at my place because he was moving to New York right then he was like don't get an Airbnb just stay at my place but I was like

two days in when I got out there I was like I made a huge mistake I should go back home two days? I mean it out there i was like i've made a huge mistake i should go back home two days i mean it was yeah right away it's so different that i'm like what am i done this is definitely a mistake well what was the initial thought behind it like what did you think do you think that this is what i need to recharge no i've been wanting to see the world

for a while you know i had i had one good this guy turner brought me out to a tour of china um and i just sort of saw some of that place and it was like just so like the really the meaning of the word foreign you know yeah just way different and it's like i just wanted to see more of that world and then i went with with pdc to thailand a couple years ago went to one of those full moon parties and i just got more more like, I want to see things. I did a Scandinavian tour last year. I made sure to leave days off in between shows so I could really see some of the cities.

I don't know, man. I just get off on seeing new versions of the world and new experience of what people care about. Well, I think we love to compartmentalize and to look at our specific area. Because I think it's a part of being a human until recently. Until you could travel like this, what people liked was knowing the sort of security of their environment. They know their environment well. They're around all the time.

There's no surprises. I got this place locked down unsafe. But it's not adventurous. It's not adventurous. It's not adventurous. So this new thing that people are able to do only really within the last hundred years where you could just get up and travel. Yeah. And just, I mean, I guess there's probably world travelers. Before. Yeah, before.

For sure. But I mean, how many of them did it recreationally? It's so easy now. Yeah. You can stay at hostels for cheap as fuck, you know, meet people and have them tell you what there is to do, where you are, where to go, where to not go. When do you think that that was really an acceptable thing? Hostels? No, no, no.

I mean, world travel. Oh. Like when, when were you an invader? Oh, right. And when did it become okay to be a tourist? I think it was always sort of okay to be like some guy in foreign lands if as long as you're by yourself and not like an invading You know force, but if you want to just visit somewhere right, I

Mean I just wonder how many people did it yeah, I know steak like well Here's what I noticed in Hong Kong and Shanghai was your banking centers and the people that would come to the shows Expats Hong Kong had more locals because they speak english there but in shanghai let's say and it's like if you're an english banker from london or somebody from new york and you took the job in shanghai china like you're you have to have some adventurous bone to you instead of staying in new york or staying in london you have to be saying like yeah i going to go with my kids or without my kids. I'm going to go fucking do this new thing. And yeah, I mean, just to want to go do that.

You can do it now. There's jobs everywhere. My friend William Childress, he moved to Myanmar. He got a job offer. He's an architect. Wow. So he's building houses in Myanmar? Prisons.

Yeah. And designing them. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But it just opened up. The army just let in people. And he was one of those first wave of people. And he started doing stand-up out there.

Dude, that's got to be a creepy feeling. Building prisons. Something like that. Yeah. Designing them. And now he's doing stand-up? Yeah. He did it all this time there.

He had the show I did in Bangkok. He brought me out there from Myanmar. He took a trip there and met me in Bangkok So you do you think he's doing comedy to balance out the building prisons? No That's building prisons not that we don't need prisons not there aren't bad people that should be locked up. Yeah. It's weird. That's not what I'm saying. It's like... He's got to design them, so he's got to make them

more comfortable, maybe. Oh, whatever. Yeah, exactly. Make it so they can't get out. That's what it's about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They get a little bit of sunshine. A little bit of sunshine.

Can't get out. What's the wall situation? It's a crazy thing when someone escapes from prison. Wham! Wham! Wham! And let the dogs go,

can you imagine getting out of prison? Oh my god, I must be so excited. Digging a tunnel every night. You have to find the way out. How do you know the way out? How do you escape? How about El Chapo? He just walks down to the hole that's under his toilet that goes a mile

plus into the ground and then pops up at some goofy ass house and gets in a car and drives off wow see ya suckers is he still free or is he no he's in he's back they caught him a choppo they did something he got injured too something happened to him he like hurt his leg or something like that running through the tunnels i think he might have like broken his leg falling and And they're trying to escape. You know, he didn't look like he was the most fit fella. He's too busy running shit.

Yeah. To actually be running. Well, El Chapo, if you can hear this. July 18th, my Netflix special comes out. That's amazing. You shout out to El Chapo. You might want to check that out, El Chapo. Do you think he speaks English? And would the comedy translate to him?

I think some of it would yeah some of it would Subtitles on Netflix. Oh, right. I always wondered like that's one of the unique things about like learning a language The way they structure their sentences is very different, huh? So it's you can't it's not just this word means that and that word means this so you just replace them No It's interesting when you talk to people from other countries when you're out there and you start to event be able to translate They're mistranslations like easy things like what time it is, right? They don't realize like that's a statement on a question, right? But like you just get to like

When they say five years more It means like i've already been here five years They're not really so you have to like understand what they really mean sort of like That 72 virgins expression. Uh-huh. Where means like a shitload. Oh, really? Yeah, that's what it means 72 is like a shitload You know, all right. Yeah, it's not a specific number like we see a few It's like technically means three but really just means I don't know so humongous amount. Yeah, right 72 virgins. Oh my god So we all took that as like you think you're getting exactly 72 virgins exactly. No. Yeah. Right. 72 virgins. Really? Oh my God. And so we all took that as like, you think you're getting exactly 72 virgins?

Exactly. No. Yeah. No, we don't. Yeah. I used to do a whole bit about that. 72 virgins. Suicide bombers.

Like, what page is this whole 72 virgins? I remember that. Yeah. It's not even written anywhere. Shut up. You shut up. Do it. Okay. I just want to know. Why can't you just tell me what page it's not even written anywhere shut up do it okay i just want to know why can't you just tell me what page it's on what a crazy world to think that there are people that will go into

crowded areas like in manchester yeah and just blow themselves up and kill a bunch of people around them. Balls. Or just like belief? Oh, belief for sure. And then some sort of mental illness for sure. There's a lot of issues. Abuse maybe. Maybe there's physical abuse. Maybe they're like. I have no idea.

Have an extreme desire to show their love. You just think you're at war, right? Who knows? Who knows what you think you would you know to break down the psychology of someone who's a suicide bomber would be very like you would you would have to do a tremendous amount of research before you started drawing any conclusions it's hard to find them to talk to them too that's a problem the theoretical suicide bombers already done it. That is a problem.

The theoretical suicide bombers do not apply. Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking about doing it. You have to get guys whose vests don't go off. Yeah. Like, hey, we've got to talk to you. Even then, like, what are you going to get? This is a recovered person. They got through that moment where they're going to blow themselves up, and it didn't happen.

Now they've sort of had a chance to think about it. How do you charge that guy? You know? Oh, yeah. I wouldn't do that again. I realize I was about to do that. happen now they've sort of had a chance to think about it how do you charge that guy yeah you know oh yeah i wouldn't do that again i realized about today you know there's a different in a in a deviant sociology there's a different category for people who attempt suicide and people who commit suicide really in the psyche of it oh i see because their thing is if you attempted it you weren't really trying it ain't that hard to do you were probably trying to cry out and the people who do it generally shut up about it more they just do it without telling people like i'm gonna kill myself i want to kill myself so somebody said if people say they

want to kill themselves that's a good sign that they need help but that they're not going to kill themselves hmm there's is there a different there's a different mentality between also someone who wants to kill themselves and someone who wants to literally be the bomb Mm-hmm that kills a bunch of other people. Yeah That's a if you really believe in heaven and you're going there though Fucking great get there. Why wait? Wow, you're for sure going it's like it's like you know the catholic confession on your deathbed and then you go straight to heaven but it's hard to time it right yeah you confess all your sins

right before you die you're going straight you have no sins left you're going to heaven right but you gotta time it right yeah and that's really hard these guys figured out the way to time it perfectly my act of blowing myself up gets me into right away all my sins. Right. One shot. Unless, as he blew it up, a part of him goes, fuck, right before he died. Then he goes to hell for eternity.

Too callous, Jamie? No. I don't know anybody from Manchester. I'm sorry. Just, what if, what if you do it?

What if you do it and you think you're going to be in heaven and you press the button, boom. And then all of a sudden it's just you disembodied in an infinite black room. It's just you forever in the blackness of infinite space with no stars, just you alone with no body what's floating through eternity you just you you can experience the blackness of space but with no stars and nothing to look at forever just you just you just your consciousness and realizing how huge you fucked up forever oh that'd be pretty bad you go crazy right then you come back crazy when you come back for crazy what what would even be crazy imagine if you have your consciousness

forever with your body nothing to apply it to and you're floating through infinity and and you don't have a body so that's pretty bad man that's a pretty bad punishment. That's pretty bad. It's not good enough. Wow. That would be real tough. Still not good enough. That's. You should float forever through eternity while you're feeling like you're choking on dicks. Wow. Like that feeling. We're like. For eternity.

Because if you can exist for a second while you're choking on a dick, you can exist for eternity while you're choking on a dick. Yeah, sure. So that should be the punishment for suicide bombs. They had the Simpsons when they had Is that too harsh?

Homer going to hell. And then the devil, one of the demons was like, so you like donuts, do you? Try eating a million donuts. And there's this conveyor belt that keeps like shoveling donuts into his mouth.

And he keeps going, please more please and then he's getting all fat big he's like please more another one please yeah you ever do the simpsons ride at universal no it's fucking amazing is it really it's crazy it's a giant animated ride you just sit in a car it's one of the best rides ever. Really? It's so good. Yeah, and it's all happening on a screen, but the car's moving around so it feels real, and it's an enormous fucking really high-resolution screen. Really?

Where it's showing this huge cartoon where this whole thing plays out. Oh, it's fucking great. It's really good. The Simpsons are a national treasure. Yeah, they really are. It's pretty great. It's pretty great. It's my whole adulthood, I guess. They've been on since I was in high school. Yeah. treasure. Yeah, they really are. It's pretty great. It's pretty great my whole adulthood

I guess they've been on since I was in high school. Yeah Dude they were one of the years now something something crazy like that 30 30. Yeah, me too high school, dude. It's forever. He's always been there. I'll never forget it I remember like what a great show Remember when Homer Simpson went to a chili cook-off and the peppers were so hot he started tripping? Yeah. He had psychedelic trips. You know what those peppers were?

The merciless. The ghost peppers, right? Isn't that what it was supposed to be? Of Quetzalcoatl. What is that? Is that what they called it? The merciless ghost peppers of Quetzalcoatl. Grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum.

Yeah. That was a great show. God damn. What a creative. See, that's the thing about like Bill Burr's show, F is for Family, too. I haven't seen the new ones yet. I heard they're great. I heard they're really good.

Of course, it's great. Bill's hilarious. Yeah. But you could do so much cool shit on a cartoon that you can't do in real life. Here, watch the head. Watch the head. There it is. We're backing up. There's that again. People get decap life. Here, watch the head. Watch the head. There it is. We're backing up.

There's that again. People get decapitated. They get blown up. I mean, how many times did South Park kill Kenny? Yeah. He just killed him. So many of them, he's back.

I mean, we didn't care that he came back. He just comes back. I love how later they sort of dealt with it with the reincarnation sort of stuff and they said,

I'm just saying things. Yeah. He remembers all his past lives. It's so ridiculous. Yeah. I love when, at Family, because those are real

type characters. Yeah. And they look real. Yeah. You know, they don't look all like weirdo, like Squidbillies type stuff. Right.

So it's like, this is, you can believe, these are people. And when the father is saying to his son, fuck you. It's like,

real sharp. Like, oh my God. It's like a cartoon. Oh my god But in my opinion like if you got to give well I mean I Was gonna say like the all-time best is South Park, but I don't really think there's an all-time best But it's all great. They're all awesome I don't want to like say this number one is number two

But like South Park has had some fucking my current like i won't miss that show is south park i mean and for years it's been that you just don't miss any episodes there's no falling behind there's no like oh yeah somehow i just stopped watching a couple seasons ago it's just like every year i get so excited to see those posters on the billboard now on the uh the billboards on the subway yeah and it's like oh it's back it's a fucking amazing show and it's been amazing forever you have trey parker on here on this podcast i would for sure oh you should i would i'd have them both on and matt yeah you left matt out how dare you you don't even care about matt do you ever see that show um where they show the making of uh six days to air yeah it's great

fuck yeah documentary it's great he's hum humbling. Trey Parker, his work ethic and the way he goes after it. It's like, whoa. Get the fuck out of that guy's way. Out of his way. He's like, hey guys, come out for a second. What can I do with this? And then someone will say something cool and then right back in.

That dude from SNL working there that week and he barely had anything to do. Wow. What was his name? What's his name? Bill Hader. Yeah, Hader. What's his name? John Hader.

John Hader? Bill Hader. Bill Hader. Who's John Hader? Oh, Napoleon Dynamite. Hey, let me ask you this. What do you think of Bill Maher? I've never been a Bill Maher fan.

What do you think of this whole recent controversy? Of him just casually dropping an N-bomb? Yeah. You know, he was trying to make a joke. Exactly, right? Yeah. I mean, it didn't work. Yeah, I got it but he's trying to be naughty yeah that's all but they're making it seem like it's something more anytime it's words are like you said this it's like yeah said said not did did

is worse but it's does he not hire black people is that that's a major issue if he's never hired a black person but i don't think I've heard that so it's like his actions aren't we were talking about before the podcast this thing where they were talking about the Clintons in Arkansas in the governance mansion what show was that?

what show was it? did you see it Jamie? I read it, I didn't see it on the show it was getting passed around the internet yesterday Mmm It's gotta be Russian disinformation. I could be who knows But apparently when Bill Maher when they go like troubling from Bill I mean I get it even the Republican senator they was there with was like what like I'm a little uncomfortable is but sure be uncomfortable and If I got I'm watching a guy who uses words that make me uncomfortable all the time,

I'll stop watching, I guess. You know? Twitter erupts over news that Hillary Clinton used black prison labor while first lady of Arkansas. Newsweek.com. What does it have to do with JFK? JFK pushed the Democrats to Democrat right in 1969. He pushed them to the right in Hillary Clinton in 1960.

Huh. I don't know. Why is that not doing that? Here's the quote. Okay, when we moved in, I was told that using prison labor at the governor's mansion was a longstanding tradition, which kept down cost. at the governor's mansion was a long-standing tradition which kept down cost clinton writes she has that most of the workers were convicted murderers and she became friendly with in quotes a few of them african-american men in their 30s who had already served 12 to 18 years their sentences despite their alleged friendships with these men clinton tells her readers we

enforced rules strictly and sent back to prison any inmate who broke a rule despite having no psychological qualifications she later asserts that these men did not have inferior iqs or an ability to apply moral reasoning but instead they may have been emotional illiterates emotional illiterates i don't know that's what she's saying i like how it says despite having no psychological qualifications yeah she later asserts despite having no ability to say this she said yeah it's kind of weird though that slave labor yeah that is exactly what that is i mean no no it's just tradition it's like yeah but that doesn't mean you should do it let's be honest

like how much are they getting paid zero what What the fucking one pack of cigarettes a week? Yeah, what do they get? They do not pay inmates at all. Oh Jesus Christ Clinton makes no mention of whether or not these men received any money for working for her and her husband a 2016 article for Mother Jones notes that when it came to prison when it comes to prison labor, some states include Texas, Arkansas, and Georgia do not pay inmates at all. Holy fuck. On Twitter, Jing wrote that Hillary Clinton was a direct participant in what Sam Sway, Sam Sway?

Yeah. It's at Sam Sway on Twitter, I guess. Correctly described as modern slavery. 100%. Dude, that's 100% slavery. If you don't pay someone, you make them work because they did a crime. That's a crazy thing.

We don't let them vote. But you're making them work. That's what's crazy about it. It's not just that your freedom's taken away and they lock you in a box but they also make you work saying your lives aren't worth anything we can make you do whatever you want yeah and that dude from Phoenix makes you work in pink oh yeah that Joe our guy yeah yeah he's uh he's a interesting case he makes you put pink on. To embarrass you.

Yeah, do you get embarrassed when you're wearing pink? I wear pink sometimes. I don't give a fuck. I'm not a big pink wearer. I'll occasionally wear pink. I'll admit, I'm not a big pink wearer. But at the same time, I don't care about it. I'm not scared of a color.

I'm a rational person. I remember in high school, like 13, 14, wearing pink ties and stuff. Being a little embarrassed, but also being like, this looks good. And then learning the word salmon makes it way more easier. You know, Gene LaBelle always wore a pink judogi. Really? Yep. Why?

It's clean and sober, it says on all of them. Clean and sober with pink shirts. Probably because they were drug offenders, right? Yeah. He gets upset. He wants everybody clean. I mean, it's better He wants everybody clean. Clean, and sober. Oh, there's an

in quotes around it. That silly rascal. And he's not taken out, ever. Pink. So, Judo Gene LaBelle is like one of the toughest men that's ever lived. Did his judo with a pink gi on. Why? Fuck you.

That's why. did his judo with a pink gi on why fuck you that's why google judo gene labelle judo gene labelle was uh he was a i know he was a national champion in judo and i think he won a gold medal in the olympics dude i saw clay guida see him once and there's clay guida was coming up so he wasn't like he was in the cheap seats with us right and he saw judo gene in like the section where you sit and he was like oh fuck he just jumped i don't know how he got past security just like ran past them just to go give that guy a hug what is gene there's gene the bones pinky what is gene the bells um his uh accomplishments he's had a shitload of accomplishments in judo but literally's the guy. He definitely did some training with Ronda, and he's also the guy that exposed Bruce Lee to grappling. Oh, really?

And to joint locks and joint manipulations. What does it say here? National champion. National champion. So he won the AAU National Judo Championships in 54 and in 55. North American Heavyweight Championship. See, NWA, all that stuff, I think, is like fake wrestling. Oh, really?

Yeah. He's real wrestling and professional wrestling. There's no tag team in real wrestling, right? So he was a national champion. Is there a real? For some reason, I thought he was an Olympic champion. Then I might have made that up. Is there a Greco-Roman tag team?

No, that's not real. Oh man, so You can see Like there's a million pictures of him wearing this ridiculous pink gi How do I not know his? his Accomplishments in judo, but in as far as like look at that pinky. Yeah, he's crazy. He's always been crazy, too He had a one that like right. yeah. Yeah, he's a great guy. He had one of the first Mixed martial arts fights to he fought a boxer

Simone said he could uh he would go down there with Piper. I guess pipe would train with him mm-hmm And he said we go down there. He get calls all the time for people challenging him judo gene and he said we'd go down there, and he'd get calls all the time for people challenging him, Judo Gene. Like, I can beat you up. And he would just answer the phone all day, just going, well, come on,

prove yourself, I'm here, I'll take you. All right, well, I'm here, eight to seven, every day, bye. Just like, fuck you, come, I'll roll with you, I'll beat you. He was like in his 60s, and he caught some kids breaking into cars in his neighborhood.

Yeah. And one kid came after him, and he just fucking manhandled this poor kid and threw him on the ground imagine being thrown on the ground some 65 year old 65 year old judo black i'll show this guy what's up blam what the fuck yeah he put two dudes to sleep while they're trying to break into cars he's just a different kind of human being you know it's just like if he got a hold of you it's like it's guy being grabbed by some sort of a primate you know imagine what surprises on your face yeah you just feel so weak if once you were in the air you'd be like how is this happening like before he slams your head off the ground you've got to be thinking how is he just throwing me around like this what a weird specialty the specialty of throwing bodies around

yeah you become really good at throwing people's bodies around did you see that uh did you see that what's it called boom that's beautiful technique putin giving some kid technique off the sideline here. Oh, wow. Wow, that kid. Boom, that kid has some technique. Oh, so Putin gave him a tip. Putin's like, hell yeah, bro. Yeah, yeah.

Man, Putin walking on the mats with his shoes. Come on, dude. Putin would fuck up. I would bet Putin would fuck up all the world leaders if we had a round robin. You think so? MMA contest with all world leaders. Yeah, I got my money on Putin. Definitely the big powers. He's gonna do shit Yeah, he's gonna win

He's an actual judo black belt. Oh, yeah Real weird this looks like this bird literally looks like it salutes him back should it's goddamn Putin Bird knows his place. Salute, motherfucker. Salute. What? That's got to be fake. How does he bend his wing over? You know, man, the real question with a guy like Putin is not, like, how much does he control. It's like, what happens if that guy dies?

Oh, yeah. Who takes over that power vacuum? Dude, the vacuum of power behind that guy must be stunning. They're a democracy, right, Russia? Sort of. Totalitarian democracy? Yeah, no, they have some sort of a democracy. They have some sort of an election process, yeah. Yeah, it's...

President Gorbachev, right? As long as you're not running against Putin, it seems to function fairly well. He just took over again. Then he was the president, then he went away, and he just came back like, fuck you guys. And took it over again? I think he came back again in 2012. He's been back for a while.

Yeah, but not that long. Yeah, he was gone for a while, and then some other dude got into power, and he's like, Hey, man, you're the president. And the guy's like, okay, okay, okay. Look, it's not admirable that's the guy from narcos did right he wanted to be just in government so he could run shit yeah what was his name um escobar escobar yeah pablo how good is that actor who plays him so good his name what is his name the dude who plays p Pablo Escobar? God damn, he's good. God damn, that guy's good.

And he's smoking reefer all day. All day. Just like a normal thing. I forget his name now. Respect. God, that guy's good. By the way, if you're watching, what's it called? What's that name of the show?

Narcos? Narcos. When you're done, make sure on July 18th and beyond to catch my new Netflix double special. That's a smooth plug, son. You'll already be on Netflix. No sense of going back out to the Apple TV. Oh my goodness. What day is that again?

July 18th, Joe. It's Tuesday, July 18th. All over the world. Fantastic. At midnight Pacific time. Are you going on the road at all? No. No, just fucking around,

coming up with material, putting shit together. Just coming up with new hours in town in 15s. Looks like you're having fun up there. Oh yeah. Was it weird to not be on stage? Or did you go on stage at all no i went to one show in phnom penh saw a show did you get the itch no they asked me they knew me they asked me to go up wow and you said no i was like no well one i was like i really want to see what like a fully long break would do no sense of breaking it up right just for one set somewhere it would be cool to

perform in cambodia to mark that off a list you know i like doing that that's my like bird watching kind of stuff like what countries i performed in cambodia yeah wow um but i was like no also i didn't want to be going around for the next two months with the fucking bomb on my shoulders like you know i mean i don't need to fucking walk around with that that's like my last set oh so if you went up there and ate dick yeah, and then I'm like have I started losing it gone I'm already nervous about that. I don't want to fucking know people. I what do you do? I'm like. I don't even know anymore Yes, what was it like the first time on stage after that long break a little weird I tell the story so I could at least base myself in like in like uh things that happened

you know a narrative yeah a narrative less is expected but then the next day i did uh nate bargazzi was there so nashville oh so that's when i came home so they wanted to do this show in uh third man records so i just wrote them a letter and i was like hey if you still want to do that um add it to the website i'll be home i'll just come home i'll see it right i'll check it um so i did nate bargatze and friends the next day uh and that was just stand up and i was like a little lost it was weird yeah i was it was rusty on the edges and i got to like 12 or 13 minutes i didn't want to do anything from the special so i was just like what do i have new and i tried something

that I thought of then on the road, which wasn't much. I kind of shut my brain off to that a little bit. Like instead of like writing jokes. Right, just live.

A couple like topics and I was like, but that's it. What if you had an awesome idea that just came to you out of nowhere? Did you bother writing it down? I'd toss it.

Yeah, I wrote like just an idea. Like I saw two, this hasn't worked so I'll just say it. I saw two dogs at the end of fucking, so many stray dogs out there. Yeah.

And it's everywhere. It's everywhere. And eventually it ends up on menus too. Ooh. Just cause it's like, it's like fish, man. They're everywhere. Jesus. Yeah.

Why wouldn't you kill one to survive? Did you eat any dog? I did not. Uh, only because I would, when I saw it on a menu, it's called RW in, uh, East Timor. Um, it was like, uh, they have this the indonesian style of food which is warungs it's just like windows with like food left out do you know how like pizza places in new york you point to a slice and they'll take it and warm it up right so it's like that but they don't warm it up and it's meat so it's like bits of fish or chicken or beef and then

that was like dog so if it was hot out of the oven i might have gone for it but not leftover cold cold dog over rice it looked good though it looked good i had asked her four times what she said i had to keep checking my like translator and i was like no i think you're saying it wrong she was like yeah she had to act out like walk walk walk no that's not a dog yeah rough rough i just do chicken trying to do dog my friend steven rinella was telling me that they regard it as a hot food not necessarily even just meaning spicy oh really the dog is like a hot food meaning like there's like there's something to it oh it's like there's a special energy that you get from eating dog yeah whoa that's dark i can see that because they seem more like

intelligent you know they have seems to have feelings jesus hot food like human meat you gain their souls he did a show with this guy where they uh they shot and ate a coyote yeah they cooked the coyote like they would cook like wild game and they uh opened it up they burned off all the hair and then they split it and threw it over like a grate and cooked it on over coals just threw some seasoning on it it's crackling and cooking and they just cut pieces of this coyote off. And I was watching this going, why is it so disturbing when we choose one animal over another?

Why is that so disturbing? Why is that coyote any different than a pig, which is totally normal? It's just pet-wise. I think that's all it boils down to. When you don't have that, you don't have it. It's even weirder than that because nobody's got a pet coyote. Dude, I think that's all it boils down to. When you don't have that, you don't have it. It's even weirder than that, because nobody's got a pet coyote. Dude, I saw something. Yeah.

It's close enough to your dog that it can fuck your dog and get it pregnant. Yeah. And they're like, oh, we don't like that. Yeah. It reminds me of. It's so close to a dog. It's so close to a dog that if it fucks your dog, it'll make puppies. Yeah.

I went to rooster fights. That seems so crazy. Doesn't that seem so crazy? Imagine if a chicken could fuck your parakeet. And make something still parakeeting. If it fucking opens the cage and gets in the parrot's cage, it just fucks the shit out of them. A chicken in a parrot's cage would be hilarious. Yeah, they're a different species.

Yeah. But pretty much they look like the same thing. Chicken just fucks the shit out of that parrot. All the time you thought you had a girl parrot, you know, the chicken opens up the door. Just laying eggs. Chicken gets in there, fucks the shit out of it. Roosters are ruthless, man. I don't have any roosters But we were really worried

When we were getting chickens We were really worried The one we turned out to be a rooster Yeah We had that when I was growing up My parents had to get him away Cause we had to So we had to bring him

Into the garage every night Cause we'd wake up the neighbors In the fucking middle of the suburbs And they're just like What in the fuck Two hours before sunup Yeah It's not sunup

It's way before sunup Really They can sense it coming Oh those cunts Yeah Just screaming Next to your neighbor Like what the fuck Yeah we were in Santa Barbara Really? They could sense it coming. Oh, those cunts. Ah! Yeah. Just screaming next to your neighbor. Like, what the fuck?

Yeah, we were in Santa Barbara and some guy had one. But he had it like 1,000, 2,000 yards away. Really? Yeah. It was far, but you could still hear it. But it was kind of cool. Because you could hear. It wasn't obnoxious, like if it was right next door. Like it was way across this canyon. I was like, wow, that's kind of cool because you can hear it wasn't obnoxious like if it was right next door like it was way across this canyon i was like wow that's kind of cool yeah like that wouldn't even

bother me i got used to it being out there all those countries they just had them around so wherever you're sleeping there were thin walls you just hear them dude i want to get peacocks cool we have peacocks i want to get pet peacocks i'm gonna go full hunter s thompson have some pet peacocks i had to bury one of them did S. Thompson and have some pet peacocks. I had to bury one of them. Did you? Yeah. He fucking reached his head out of the latticework to try to eat the grass right outside.

And a fox was just waiting for him. Took his head, left the body inside. Foxes are clever. Clever girl. Very clever. I went to a rooster fight in Timor-Leste. Did you really? Yeah.

In terms of what we accept and what they will. You know, different things. Dude, they're doing that shit in Enceste. Did you really? Yeah. In terms of like what we accept and what they will, you know, different things. Dude, they're doing that shit in Encino. Are they really? I guess so, right? I know a place.

Wow. You can go to, there's places in the valley. I want to go there for sure. There's places in the valley that might as well be Mexico. Have you ever seen one?

There's certain neighborhoods, I've never seen the actual fights, but I've seen the fighting roosters, I've seen the pens, hundred is a dude that i know who knows a dude who's got like a hundred of them in his backyard wow yeah fight fighting roosters yeah wow in a lot of these like mexican neighborhoods dude it's like super normal they don't view it as weird at all where i saw it they were like you're not taking pictures i'm like oh i didn't want to like you know get you

guys in trouble like why would I get us in trouble? What do you mean? We're outside. Right. In those countries, it's not bad at all. The general owns the fucking ring where they all do it. It's hilarious. But then if you can do that, then you can justify dogs.

Like, well, what do we do about dogs? Well, dogs are a little smarter. It's a little different. There's strays out there. They are strays. California authorities seize over 7,000 birds in the largest cockfighting bust in U.S. history. Wow. Jesus Christ. Three weeks ago.

Jesus Christ. In the valley. Valley Verde. See, I told you. I'm making this up. That's Meth Town anyway. You say Meth Town, I say Rooster Town. Hundreds of gaff gas are slashers. Yeah, they put these razors on the back of their back claw.

Isn't it? I mean, they give them steroids? Really? For the animals who are also recovered. I didn't see any of that. Syringes and steroids. They got juiced up chickens ready to fuck you up. Can you imagine?

I want to do a viceland piece on that watch these dudes shoot their fucking chickens up with steroids and have them go out there like and hulk out wow 2,700 birds they went back to the same spot but here's the thing we're at 10 years earlier it doesn't bother it doesn't bother you or me like it would if it was dogs. No. It just doesn't. But I'll be honest. Yeah, no. Right.

They don't look like us. Not nearly. But I thought it would be like really barbaric until you see it. And you're like, oh, it's not really that bad at all. I've seen dog fights. I was in New Orleans. I saw a dog fight. You did?

Yeah. Impromptu. I don't know. I was with my friends. It was a pit. One fucking pit bull came in. And another pit bull came into this pit. And we're like, what's going on?

And they did it. And it was, I mean, vicious. It was vicious. These cockfights are just like they fly at each other a couple of times and then one gets like woozy, need, and then falls. It's a cockfight, right? Yeah, that looks like one. Inside, huh? See the dogfighting thing, man.

The dogfighting thing to those people, I mean, the people that believe in it, I'm sure they would argue with you that there's no difference between dog fighting and rooster fighting. Probably not. Most people think there is because dogs are smarter. But it was also bloodier. Oh, yeah. It was just like more like them ripping each other's fucking everything out.

Yeah. The other fights are over 30 seconds and you don't even see blood most of the time. It's just, it's just there. Yeah. But, but yeah,

in terms of animal, if I saw a dead animal on the side of the road, what would bother me more, a dog or a rooster? It's on YouTube. They have cock fighting on YouTube. The world slasher cup. Oh,

the world slasher cup. Yeah. They throw them at each other. Dude, I DVR'd this. Watch, that guy's going to hit the other one in the back to move him. Or he's going to pick him up and throw him towards the other one. Is that what they do? Yeah, they're not going at each other yet. So they have to really throw him towards each other. So most of the time

if they put a rooster near a rooster... See that? He's got it tied. Yeah, they'll come at each other. They're probably like, what the fuck is going on? So in their back foot... Oh, here we go. Oh, then they're going at each other. Oh my God. And one will start pecking the other one soon.

So they're catching each other with these feet and slicing them apart. That's the normal way of fighting, too. See, the other one's fucked. That one is fucked. Oh, my God, yeah.

He's down. It's dead. They stop it. Oh, my God. They must be both mangled, though. Yeah, he gets tasted blood. Oh, they peck at him. The ref has to choose

when it's over. He's called it. Is it dead? He's called it. Wow. Dude, that rooster got fucked up. Look how fast that is. Yeah. So you don't even see really how it's like barbaric. It's just quick and over. Do you think that, well yeah, because they're covering all those feathers. And then they eat that one tonight. Do they? Oh yeah. So where I saw

the winner, the owner of the winner gets to eat the loser. They take it home with them on their bike. Whoa. And they're eating chicken tonight. How weird. And do you think that rooster fights again? I saw them sewing a rooster up. Oh, Jesus Christ.

They said he gets two months off, gets to live a fun life for a while, and then he'll be back in fighting. But he didn't. So sometimes the winners get nothing happen to them. Sometimes they get a little fuck too.esus sometimes they both die wow these are the rooster houses wow that's in kentucky holy shit but wait a minute that looks like a dog house this looks like what they do with pits does they do is that really roosters that's crazy there's a on top of it the place under if under it if it rains? Yeah, I guess so.

The places where they fight dogs, they'll have like a giant yard, and they'll have like 10 dogs plus out there on chains, and they're all connected to these little tiny houses just like that. It's really creepy because they're not really dogs. I mean, they're dogs in the sense of the actual animal they are is dogs. But they're these things. Not pet-like at all. No, there's no pet to them. They're these things that have been just bred to fight.

And I'm sure they can handle them. I'm sure there's a few commands they understand. But their life is not about being pet and loved and climbing on the bed. They're like Khaleesi's army. What's their name? What are they called, Jamie? Those ones that take the skirt off. Oh, yeah. What do they call themselves? They're like Khaleesi's army. What's their name? What are they called, Jamie? Those ones with the tic-tac-toe off. They're just slaves trained to fight.

They're eunuchs, but that's not what they call themselves. But Drago or something? No. God damn it. Yeah, fuck. That show needs to come back. It takes a while. The Unsullied? The Unsullied, yeah.

That's what those dogs are. They. The Unsullied. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what those dogs are. They're like Unsullied. Yeah. Well, they just, they have their dicks and balls though. The Unsullied, the problem with those guys is they've been neutered so they can't fight that good because they don't have any testosterone.

Yeah. These dogs have everything. They're ready to rock and roll. They just live to fight. And that moment that they get to fight is like the only thing they're looking forward to. And they're brief and like really miserable existence. So the more they exercise them, the more they just train them and get them ramped up. They're just prepping them for this one moment where he gets to do what he actually wants to do.

What he's made to do in life. It's not even his fault. It's like that dog's bred that way. They've encouraged that behavior like generation after generation by careful selection calling dogs that don't fit the criteria like it's one of the reasons why people love pit bulls so much like once you have a pit bull other dogs seem so dumb because they're so smart they're so tuned into you and they're like like i remember squeaky from uh-huh she was like a little demon she was like tuned into me and she would lock onto me but if any other dog got anywhere near her and tried to take my

attention she would kill it in front of me really she just want it dead it's like get the fuck away from him really yeah they just they're very intense and tuned into you and a lot of people like it well i got her she was already a was already a pound dog. I got her. She was like 11 months old. And she was cut up. She had definitely been in some sort of a fight, whether it's an organized one or something. But she was a mess from the moment I got her. She was just such a cute little dog and loved you to death.

Just couldn't leave you alone, want to sit right next to you, put her head in your lap. Just a big sweetie. Just the sweetest dog ever but like these eyes. There's like they had like ready to die for you eyes Is that the one you had to put down? Yeah? Killed my other dog Yeah, yeah It's not good fuck. Yeah, they're um the nature is not their fault I mean they've essentially been selected over many, many, many, many generations to be incredibly dog aggressive, incredibly prey driven and almost impervious to reacting to pain.

That's what's so terrifying about them is that they don't care. They like to fight. They're not worried about getting hurt. They're looking forward to this. They want to do it. They're wagging their tail and they're biting each other. It's crazy They wag their tails They're locked faces on each other and their tails are wagging back and forth like they're having the greatest time I saw a thing for some like

OC County Fair they train their dogs to do tricks and. And they said they've gotten to the point where, this reminds me of this, where the treat they get for crashing the Frisbee eventually becomes the Frisbee. So like, they're trying to catch it. Like, cool, I got to grab that Frisbee. Thank you. And I can throw it again.

So like, I got to grab the Frisbee again. You know, instead of like, I got the Frisbee so I can get this fucking piece of meat. Right, right, right. So it seems like those dogs too, it's like, oh, I did the task. Thank you for letting me do that. That's what I wanted to do.

They get those working dogs. You ever been around a real working German Shepherd? No. Dude, they're so intense. They're like a live wire. First of all, they're like a real big German Shepherd is probably like, I want to say like 90 pounds. Like let's Google what's a big German shepherd. It's not the hugest dog in the world. They're not like a mastiff, but they are so fast and they're so taught.

They're just like fucking ready to go, ready to go and looking at you. And this dude was uh demonstrating different uh he's he trains dogs for the police department yeah he was demonstrating different things 71 pounds is a big one oh adult male 88 pounds so yeah close to 90 pounds i got attacked by one of those wearing a suit once dude it's so strong oh they're so strong they just keep wriggling your hand until you're on the ground they're just so they're so fast they're and. Oh, they're so strong. They just keep wriggling your hand until you're on the ground. They're just so, they're so fast. And you gotta think.

They're so fast, they're on you. They let them go, like, jump. Now think that, right? That's a 90-pound animal. Now think of a wolf. Yeah. Double that. Oh, wow.

Double that and have it more athletic, stronger, much harder bite. You ever seen a wolf in the wild? No. Almost. I think I might have, but, much harder bite. You ever seen a wolf in the wild? No. Almost. I think I might have, but it was so dark, I could only see that it was some sort of a dog-like creature that was running across the dirt road ahead of us while we were in hunting camp waiting to get picked up. Whoa. Yeah.

Nervous. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah, when you're standing outside in grizzly country and there's wolves. So you can't wander off to go piss. No fucking way. You have to be together. You have to be together and you both have to be paying attention.

And you should talk. And since it's late at night, you don't have to even worry about whispering. You're not trying to scare anything. You're trying to let things know that you're there. Oh, right. So they're not surprised by you. Not surprised by you. They hear you coming.

They can avoid you if they choose to. But if something decides that it's going to come towards you, look at the size of these wolves. God damn. Dude, if you saw a wolf in the woods. I wouldn't even be trusting. I wouldn't even trust that thing was dead. I know. I'd be like, ah, man.

Look at the size of these things. Wow. These are enormous wolves. Oh, that's the dead one? The one in the top middle? You know what's really interesting? These wolves that you're seeing, although they're just wolves These wolves are wolves from Canada and it's one of the reasons why they're so big One of the reasons why they've been so devastating to elk populations and deer populations. Oh, look at this guy deer in his mouth

Yeah, yeah, like just a leg with a Dude, he looks thin, too. They're so powerful. They're just incredibly powerful, incredibly cunning killers that act in packs. And love the snow. They love it. They can do shit in the snow where other animals are fucked. Like, they can run through the snow.

They thrive in ridiculous cold environments. Because that's when other animals are vulnerable and they can wreak havoc on them they're a crazy animal man but they look like a dog so we have this weird connection with them where we think of them as dogs like it's our friend it's mr fluffy shaped the same way exactly i mean they do look nice yeah and when you see them alone you're like oh if that was you know with no scale uh off if i remember, I'll tell you this bit I'm doing about it, about wolves. It was a real encounter I had with a dog and a wolf, where a dog met a wolf for the first time. Really?

Yeah. I'll tell you later. Okay. But that animal is not the same animal that used to be here. They killed a bunch of wolves, so they had to reintroduce wolves to try to bring the population back. Oh, really? But when they reintroduced wolves, they brought them in from Canada. They're way bigger.

They're like, Canadian moose are bigger. The Canadian people are bigger. It's like, they're, it's, you know, polar bears. It's a fucking hardier climate up there, man. You get a different, different sort of an animal. Oh, they got the wrong one. They got a big ass wolf. It was way bigger.

So you can't ever just like go off, because they'll see, they'll wait for you to be alone. Well, they definitely could wrong one. They got a big-ass wolf. It was way bigger So you can't ever just like go off because they'll see the way for you to be alone Well, they definitely could if they chose to most of the time they avoid the fuck out of people They seem to know that if they fuck up and do something to people Then bullets start coming and then everybody dies like they're smart enough to kind of understand that They're not smart like they wouldn't you know They wouldn't do anything that you would think would be extraordinary for an animal. It's not like they have like superhuman powers,

but they have an unusual ability to plan and coordinate. Wow. And they talk to each other. They yell out and talk to each other and they, they give locations and they all kind of intuitively understand what the task is. But when they're operating together, it's like,

it's pretty stunning to watch, man. I've watched a bunch of videos. I never, never in real life, obviously, but a bunch of videos of them coordinating like an attack on, on animals. Yeah. Dude, it's amazing. We heard we're at a, um, which campsite Malibu Cook State Park. You heard coyotes or wolves? Coyotes. Um, but I just liked the way they were like, sort of talking to each other, too. But we saw a skunk. Well, first, we sort of smelled one, and we heard two coyotes kind of yelping. And we're like, they got sprayed by a skunk.

Wow. For sure. We're just filling this in. We have no idea. But it really seemed like that. Hearing them going, just a couple of them. And then later, we saw a skunk um try to spray us didn't have much we think that's the same skunk that like sprayed out and now he's got nothing left in the tank

does that work like that i don't know this is what we all think and then like a little bit later um so skunk kind of like came at us but didn't like he tried to spray he got the dog he's up my friend mervis as you know mervis uh i think so yeah they got his dog but just like a little bit just bit it no just like with a little bit of like spray but like not much not enough for it was like terrible just bad and then we heard like 10 or 15 coyotes all howling they'll bite you too right a skunk's a predator yeah he was coming out his bare teeth and stuff i had a skunk trying to get into my chicken coop really yeah and then i read about him like that's one of the things they eat. They'll eat chickens.

That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, the spray is for self-defense, not offense. Wow. But they'll fuck you up. Imagine getting fucked up by a skunk. Like, he fucks you up, and you smell like shit. And you have to, like, heal your wounds, and nobody wants to help you.

Yeah, I mean, imagine if, like, you got in a fist fight with a skunk in your backyard, and he zaps you and then bites the fuck out of you and rabies And he jumps over your fence and you run inside you're covered in blood and you're like oh my god The skunk bit the fuck out of my face get out of here. Yeah Get away. They don't even she doesn't even care. Oh my god. You have to wash yourself outside. It's cold outside get out You smell like skunk. Oh my god. I'm never gonna clean this up. Oh my god. This house can smell like tongue forever I'm so mad at you. I'm sure man If I get fucked up by a skunk, I just skunk biting your dick. Yeah, it's a skunk. Oh

You're like this you love fucking creatures my trip. I saw Komodo dragons. Oh in the flesh. Yeah out in the wild Yeah, you went hunting them I'd not like to kill but just like to find them. Yeah, try to touch their tail shit to what? Yeah, but I found out later you're not supposed to do that. I didn't know man. I was close and I just touched one No, you didn't. Yeah. Oh my god, dude. That's so scary. So we're walking away. It was like it's so close And I was like just grabbed. Oh Yeah We were walking away, and it was like, it's so close. And I was like, just grabbed. Yeah, they had these guys, these weird pointed V-sticks, like long sticks with a little tip at the end that can put...

It's weird, but this one guy we had was way into snakes and reptiles and shit. He's like, let's go hunt. Let's go find them. We went out into the brush. I wonder if a Komodo dragon was the inspiration for that thing that the alien would do from the movie, Ridley Scott movie alien Well, it would open its mouth and all the slime and everything. They have all this bacteria in their mouth Yeah, I think it's like a bit you're still gonna lose your leg

We've gone over this at least twice and I always forget which it is That they used to think that it was a toxin and now they think it's bacteria or they used to think it was bacteria and Now they think it's a toxin. Well, I read bacteria. Yeah. It's like a botulism. Yeah. There's something. Lots of different types of bacteria in their saliva.

And it's toxic. Yeah. And they know it. And so they'll bite an animal and fuck it up and then they'll follow it around. So I was reading this thing about a water buffalo that this Komodo dragon attacked. They saw it bite it and then it followed it for like two days. Really? Just waiting for it to go. So this buddy this guy met in

Somewhere deep in okay So it's the island of Flores is is where you can sort of like be and then that's where the hobbit people were Flores Yeah in Indonesia. Yeah, really? Yeah, we mean the hobbit people this little hobbit people that they discovered Oh, really, dude, they discovered that within the last shit I want to say 14,000 years ago is that what it was within the last 14,000 years somewhere somewhere in that range humans shared time on earth with another kind of human being it's a little tiny three-foot-tall human being that are completely different features than us yeah really conscious homo floriensis or floriensis.

And that was the flora. What's that? 12,000 years ago. 12,000 years ago. Oh, that's nothing. Okay, that's nothing. 12,000 years ago. Like, I'm, I mean, I'm trying to imagine.

Twice as long as. Those people were just like us 12,000 years ago, and they were a tiny little thing, almost like a cross between a human and a chimp. They don't really know exactly what their skin color was what they look like put it next to a drawing of a full-grown like now man and he's shredded yeah he's jacked yeah he's gonna fuck this little perfect perfect muscles doesn't ever eat fast food throw some dick into this little critter um there's even there was

even speculation that they had uh eaten humans or humans. Do you think they bred with us and that's why they're shorter out in Asia? How dare you? No? That's what it looks like. See that one, the drawing on the far left, Jamie, with the guy holding a spear? That's what they think you look like. There's a full-sized version of that. See if you could find that.

Oh, Jesus. So these were like almost like what we were like, I guess, when we were on our way up the food chain. And they just developed differently. So they sort of stayed. Yeah. Wow. Australopithecus or something like that. Like one of our earliest ancestors.

Yeah. It's really close to Australia. Yeah. Well, Australopithecus is like a modern human, but like one of the first versions. I think, I want to say a million years ago, but I'm probably just making that number up. But, you know, human beings in this form, they don't know the exact number, obviously, but they think we've been around in this form for only about a quarter million years,

give or take a few hundred thousand. The Komodo dragons have venom. They do have venom. They have bacteria. Thank you. Okay, so they used to think it was bacteria, and now they think it was venom. I've got to show you this picture. They do have venom.

Thank you. Okay, so they used to think it was bacteria, and now they think it was venom. I got to show you this picture. I saw one, we saw one on a rock, and you go like right behind like some leaves and like some branches, so you get up close to them, and it's still sort of scary

because you could probably get through the branches, but probably not, you know? And you could just take a picture from like that close, all the saliva's coming out. Dude. I'll show you this at the store one night. Can you imagine the horror that you would feel

if a kimono dragon was clamped down on your calf yeah you felt all that hot poison going into your body and you were trying to get away yeah and you you broke free with a big chunk taken out of your calf and it's about to leap on you and you're trying to run away with a limp you're hobbling away and screaming no and no and running through the bushes and you look back and you see it Just taking its time walking through you They're coming towards you taking its time because it knows it doesn't have to chase you just tracks Yes, you can't you can't go far. You're all fucked up now So wait oh yeah

And you know beautiful eventually it's gonna catch you sick and shivering and it's just gonna start eating your asshole first these things Yeah, they they just bite him in the legs and shit, but they got to be careful They don't get some he smells with his with his tongue Jesus Christ. He's a tongue to smell What a creepy fucking creature a giant these these buffalo. They're not natural to the area. They've been added in So they don't know what the fuck this. Oh, they've been added in to feed them. Yeah Oh my god shit, but they they died They say go to the watering hole and the Komodo dragons know that they're gonna go to the watering hole and they just fucking wait For him and so he jacked him on the leg and then he's slowly making his way towards him

Imagine if that was you and you had to see that thing walking up the bank towards you some guy got killed you'd be like no i'm a person you're not supposed to eat me i can think and i can reason and i'm progressive and i have health insurance i have two credit cards they killed a kid i have to call someone don't eat me yet i have to make a call hold on let me get this text don't eat me yet i have to check my facebook don't let me get this time. Don't eat me yet. I have to check my face Fucking eat me. I'm checking Twitter. Oh, there's a bunch of them around that one Just go an asshole first and you're feeling all the blood rush out of your body while this creepy lizards chewing on your butt So they eat everything except those those boars heads because of the horns really if they get another third board I mean an ox if they get a boar they finish because of the horns. Really? That's not a boar. I mean an ox.

If they get a boar, they finish the skulls too. Jesus Christ. They eat the skulls? Everything. So just those fucking, what they're called, heads are the only ones left because of the horns. What the fuck? Fuck them up on the inside. So they eat the bones? Yeah, they killed the kid.

They ate his stomach out. He went to pee alone. And they're like, oh, this one's by himself. So this guy met in Flores, in deep Flores. His guide found a boar that had been bitten and was dying in the bushes and So he was like hey you guys want to see some shit Just bored kind of like

Like this the venom had started to catch up and he took him he dragged him to the watering hole he threw it in there And they just ripped the shreds in front of them. He showed me this video. He made it was so fucking cool What is the size of the bone that guy's eating. Yeah. They're all on something. Oh, my God. Look at that. There's something about them.

The cold, unfeeling look in their eyes. Like when he opens his mouth and you see all those teeth. Saliva. Ugh. But that eye. Yeah. I mean, that's a real creature. All black.

That's a thinking creature that's trying to thinking creature. That's trying to eat you It's trying to eat either you or a buffalo it eats a water buffalo man. Yeah, it doesn't use knives It's not using and there's no fork There's no bullets. It's eating a goddamn water buffalo So we're going through waist-high grass trying to find these things. And then you see one pop its head up. It's there, it's there, it's there. And you've got to get behind it and try to force it down the mountain. But there's other ones around, so you've got to stay close, keep your eyes up.

It's pretty cool, man. You would love that. You're into monsters like that. You would love that. I'd be terrified. I don't want to be around them, man. Why are you around them? Oh, it was so cool.

Well, I found out when I was in Bali, and I was like, I'll probably go to somewhere else from there and this guy met from jakarta was like you know how you're right next to the komodo dragons you can do that i was like what that's here and it was just a couple boats and you're fucking there wow dude fuck that no man what if they got you love it they almost got sharon what's her name sharon stone Stone Sharon Stone's husband Really? Yeah What do you mean they almost got him? He was a newspaper man

He was a Like a Reporter And? Or a journalist rather And he went to Do something in a Cage with Komodo dragons

And he had socks on And the fucking thing Thought it's white foot It was a zoo Oh really? And he went and got him? What do you mean? Bit his foot Bit the fuck out of his foot?

Dude went to the hospital Crushing his big toe with thrashing his body around. Yeah, what he had to undergo foot surgery. Oh Come on, son Yeah, I was a shoeless foot. Oh, I thought it was a sock. Crushing his big toe. Ouchy wah-wah. Oh, the zookeeper asked him to remove his white tennis shoes to keep the five-foot-long reptile from mistaking them for white rats. So, hey, yo, dude, take your shoes off. You'll be cool.

Don't worry about it. As long as it knows. And then he attacked that foot. It's like, why'd you tell me to take the shoe off? Can you imagine? I really swear I had a shoe on. The feeling he must have had as that thing is biting his foot. And that zookeeper must have been like, I'm really sorry about that. I blame saw a shoe on the feeling must have had as that thing is biting his foot that's Zook you must be like I'm really sorry my severed tenders

they had to reattach severed tendons and rebuild his big toe that was crushed by the Dragons jaw Jesus you have to piss again yeah do you have enough room in that you want to empty that be a half come on many sure yeah but there's only a little bit left cuz I had to pitch it back in. Don't overspill. Don't overflow. I won't overflow. You're peeing.

Professional at this, man. But here's the thing about animals like kimono dragons and wolves. I love the fact that they're real. Yeah. It's one of the things that makes life fascinating is that there are these ruthless, merciless predators. Jamie's shielding his eyes from Ari's dick. I'm censoring. I'm showing him, but I'm censoring.

Oh, the image? Yeah. Why don't you just put the image on me for a second? This is educational. You don't want to show his... Jamie, could you get away with doing this on YouTube or Instagram? No. We might be in trouble just because we mentioned that you're peeing. What? That level of censorship on the

internet? No way. Here's the deal, dude. Do you know that if you whipped your dick out and took a leak in front of a school, you'd be charged as a sex molester? Dude, I do that all the time, and thank you for telling me, because I will stop. Yeah, for real. Say if you're walking past a school, and you're like, God, I'm going to take a leak, and you just innocently walk towards a patch of

trees, and you piss there, and someone from the school calls the police. Because you had your dick out? You have your dick out in front of a school. You can't go intent you can't go like come on guys you know what i was doing i know a dude who got charged with that i know somebody who we both know somebody who got who was hooking up with a girl on school property late at night they needed a place to pull over so they could fuck in the car oh but since it was on school property but it's fucking 2 a.m you know yeah they're trying to discourage that. Well, yeah, I get that. They don't want their condoms thrown out the window at a fucking...

Just showing up for school in the morning, dropping your kid off. Your kid slips and breaks her hip because she stepped on a condom. Those little shiny school shoes that kids wear with the hard bottoms. Don't get good traction. So, aren't there rules about doing stuff within doing stuff within 1,000 feet of schools? Yeah, stuff like that. There's so many schools in Hollywood. There's got to be so much shit happening

within 1,000 feet of them. Wasn't that one of the issues, too, with pot shops? Yeah. Like, uh, medical marijuana. That's how they, yeah, fucked with them, too. Yeah. You can't be anywhere near this or that. A school or a church.

The church part's hilarious. It's like, uh-huh. If that's really the case. I wonder if that really is still the case. But I get it, though. If you really believed and you really believed that your church was sacred and important to you, you wouldn't want one door down. Yeah, maybe not one door down. But it's not all churches.

They're not the ones with the lawns like you see in the movies. A lot of them in L.A. are just in between two apartment buildings. But also the question is, who gets gets to choose who gets to choose that like what how much distance yeah between a church and a liquor store well let's i want to know is selling liquor okay is it okay it seems like it's okay seems like a lot of people are doing it seems like a lot of people are buying it it seems like we all agree okay so if it is the case, why- Thousand foot radius. Radius of a church. Not even like- Pull that up.

Go ahead. Other rules in Detroit. What does it say? Shops are also prohibited from operating within a thousand foot radius of a church, school, park, liquor stores, or other dispensary or a drug-free zone such as a library. Hmm. They also must close by 8 p.m. Other dispensary.

Liquor to store, other dispensary. Okay. Interesting. This is all just... This is a result of people going, well, I don't want them right next to this while I'm doing that. But this is saying that they can't be close

to a liquor store. Like, a liquor store is the same as a church. That's what they're saying. Weird. You're right. They're saying a pot shop can't be the alternative to a business that's already established. Oh, like a liquor store.

So, like, hey. That's what they're saying. Don't quit booze. Yeah. Well, they're saying you can't be. To go on weed. So the liquor stores must have lobbied to have that put in there.

They must have figured out a way. Is there a liquor store union? It's a state liquor board, so yeah. I mean. Yeah, but there's obviously, that doesn't make sense. Like the church makes sense, reluctantly. I get it though. It makes sense. The't make sense. Like, the church makes sense, reluctantly. I get it, though.

It makes sense. The school makes sense. The liquor store doesn't make any sense. Yeah. Like, why can't I just walk right next door after I buy some weed and buy a beer? Why do I have to go 500 feet further? They don't have them here, but in Ohio, they still drive-through alcohol places. You just drive your car.

They have them in Phoenix. Yeah. Louisiana. Yeah, there's places where you can drive through and get they'll give you mixed drinks mixed drinks yeah that's like how you're gonna justify i'm not i'm having this drive through bar wow it's my uh passengers drink wow i wouldn't drink and drive officer and louis i don't think i looked that up your drink your passengers can drive can drink can drink while you drive only the driver can or something like that. Louisiana's on another level.

New Orleans is on a totally different level. Yeah. Were you with me in New Orleans when we had this driver? For sure not. You didn't? No. We had this driver who was hilarious. A funny fucking dude.

I wish I could remember his name, but he was cool as shit. We had him for a couple of days. And when we're hanging out with this dude, he was telling me that he got over outside of new orleans because he was walking on the street with an open beer i forget where he was some other city and uh they pulled him over and he had two beers in in a paper bag and when they pulled him over he was talking to the cop the cop's like where are you from and uh he's talking to the cop he pulls out the other beer and cracks it open and starts drinking it yeah and the cop's like is there something fucking wrong with your head? And he's like, what? He goes, where are you from?

He goes, New Orleans. He goes, oh, okay. Oh, you don't know. That's not allowed at other places. You can't do that anywhere else. And he's like, for real? He's like, why? I'm not doing anything wrong.

I'm just walking. I forget where he was, but he was outside of New Orleans for sure. But he was saying that he had no idea that you couldn't crack open a beer and start drinking in front of a cop when he's asking questions. Dude. He's like, in my mind, I haven't done nothing. That's the best about Southeast Asia. You get a beer, you walk with it like a fucking free American. You're just like out there.

You're not going to do anything. Have a good time, man. There's too many dumb young dudes that would bring drinks and splash them on people and be walking on the street with open beers and be goofy i guess so maybe just here maybe here but london's got a little bit of that they drink outside no maybe not in the streets they drink like in outdoor pubs i've seen it in england with people boozed up on the streets yeah beating the shit out of each other well yeah i mean that's gonna happen sure but it's like don't put yourself in a position where you have to fight all the time. I wonder what the argument is for...

It's not about drinking outdoors or not. It's about like, don't drink so much. Right. Yeah, don't get so drunk that you can't control yourself. Yeah, but you can do that in one space or you can walk and do it.

That doesn't matter. I wonder what the argument is for a 2 a.m. like... Cutoff time? Yeah, it's over. It's all Christian shit, dude. Is it? It's all remnants of Christian shit.

Who cares? Why can't we just be up longer? Miami, it's like 5 a.m. New York, it's four or later a lot of places it's not a thing i heard they're gonna change to la to four four yeah i heard that i'm gonna change that comedy store super weird they'll still close it too you don't have to be up until then why yeah good there's guys who want to go up good point we could have some weird ass shows man i might do a 2 a.m set if they ever do that i might i might book myself for a 2 a.m set dude the comedy seller i go a lot after 2 a.m to packed rooms yeah packed i mean like what time are those shows does they start late but this will start like 11 30 and i'm gonna put like 145 too wow and it's just like

and it's a great crowd yeah yeah if those are the kind of people that are up yeah sure come on yeah there's a lot of people that are on different schedules you just a place like new york you can find 150 of them go at 11 30 p.m like start my night oh yeah and you're still have a great long time oh yeah yeah and people in new york like they fucking go hard they go so hard there's so much drinking in New York you meet people at their show it's not like give me a number it's like let's go somewhere right now yeah let's just go to a bar there's 30 within walking distance yeah let's keep go let's just talk and they just they just drink you know Duncan had um Greg Fitzsimmons on his podcast

this week yeah and I've only listened to the first like 10 minutes or so. But Duncan was talking about how different New York is in terms of like diversity and all the different cultures and people. Yeah. Yeah. He's liking it. I've seen him a couple of times. It's been pretty fun, man. Just to be able to like booze up and like not have to worry about getting home.

Yeah. He loves it. I walk home from the stand. He takes a cab. You know, it's the normal. Yeah. He's a, is he living in Brooklyn? He's living in Brooklyn. Of course he is. That fucking a cab. You know, it's the normal. Yeah. Is he living in Brooklyn? He's living in Brooklyn.

Of course he is. That fucking hippie. No, that's right for him, for sure. That's the spot. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he was a Silver Lake kid, and then he went to, he's doing the same thing. He's in, like, Williamsburg, right?

I think Park Slope. Same shit, isn't it? No, Williamsburg's past, like, it's over-gentrified. Oh, it's gone too far. So not only rich kids with style can afford it. Ooh, I like it. I might move in yeah it's my style yeah um i saw i was watching one of those house flipper shows

yeah it's uh you know what is the some of the real estate million dollar listing that's what it's called million dollar listing in new york birthday effects and um they had a house that was for sale in brooklyn that was like a they built like a georg was for sale in Brooklyn that was like a, they built like a Georgia mansion in Brooklyn in like 1920. And they, you know, they were trying to like put mansions, like Southern style mansions in Brooklyn. It's like 11,000 square foot house. I can't afford Williamsburg.

Really? Yeah. I thought I had to go there cause I wouldn't be able to afford Manhattan. And then I found out when I got there, I'm like, Oh no, no. no Manhattan's cheaper now the cool parts of Manhattan where I live. It's cheaper Jesus and The cool parts of Brooklyn. Why is that? It got it's this gentrification has this path at first you have Bad neighborhoods. We're not talking about warehouse gentrifying that's different but like, you know Ethnic gentrifying first you have actually both

but like you know ethnic gentrifying first you have actually both so first you have criminals or warehouses and then the people who can have like are cool artists who have no money they'll move in they can get a giant loft for basically nothing because you got to worry about getting stabbed or having nothing around you they start adding the art to the to the area making it more interesting then people like duncan and me come in where we're like we like it i'm not gonna be the front lines of this shit you know i need some place to go like you know get some food but there's still criminals around or like lack of stuff and then the rich people who don't have style of their own they move in and co-op the other people's style and then you start getting too many like coffee shops and then they start changing the laws to drive out the people who

live there like in there's a park where they all uh camped out in guanas and every sunday they would cook out there and they started saying the rich people was like uh the smoke is going to my windows so they started making laws about how you can't have cookouts yeah and that pretty much just drove out the people who wanted to have that as part of their life they were just like helped you don't make the law saying it's illegal to be ethnic but you make laws around it dude there's, there's a park down the street from here that we could go to. It's only a couple minutes away. And if you go there on the weekends, it's like a festival. It's like people use those barbecue grates that they have out there.

They get down. They set up picnic tables. They lay out a cloth on the picnic tables and paper cups and shit. And they got coolers. They're pouring like Kool-Aid and shit. They're cooking all kinds of different things on these racks. And there's like maybe five, six families spread out in these

areas that are doing that. And then there's kids are playing and everybody's running around. It's a lot of people that live in apartments that don't have a lot. Like they don't have a big backyard. So now they just go to the park. It's great. It's a lot of people that live in apartments that don't have a lot. They don't have a big backyard. So now they just go to the park. It's great. It's great.

And there's this sense of community. Everybody's laughing. They got music playing. People are drinking. Yeah. Are you allowed to drink booze in the park? How does that work? I don't know.

I know tailgating, you got to use cans. You can't use bottles. But if you're sitting there on a picnic. I think you can. Can you? I think maybe it's look the other way kind of stuff, if anything. That would suck. I mean, you got to be able to have a beer.

Have some beers. You're having a cheeseburger in the park. That's how I mean some of these freedom laws are like, I'm not going to do anything, man. Let me have a beer with my family. This doesn't hurt anybody. Well, if everyone did that, you're going to have a drunk. I'm like, yeah, but that's not me.

I'm not that. So let me do it. What kind of diseases can you get from one of them park grills who's who's cleaning that grill dude one of the best barbecues i ever had was on top of in veil on top of the mountain so we were skiing i was skiing with his chef and he had a bunch of fucking chicken in his back marinating in uh in one of those bags one of those bags yeah so he he kept shaking it up he's snowboarding hitting jumps

he's just marinating his chicken and then he's like hey you wanna eat with us I'm like yeah sure he's like oh no I was like going into the restaurant

party he goes no no out here just use that thing and it's just grilled fucking chicken up on top of fucking wow

in the Rockies it was so good so did he have like a little grill in his pack too no they had this public grill up there oh that thing

yeah so he just got some wood and stuck it under there? There's just coals going, I guess. Oh, wow. People like to do that up there. Those things are so nasty. So nasty.

Who's on birds shitting on them? Nobody's ever cleaning them. Nobody's ever cleaned any of those. But I guess the idea is once the fire gets going, nothing's going to stay alive on it. I guess? Yeah.

When that motherfucker gets red hot to the point where you can sear a steak, nothing's surviving on that. I mean, isn't that the whole principle behind cast iron pans? Like, you don't really wash a cast iron pan. No, you don't. You just sort of scratch out everything that's there, throw some water on it. But, like, that dark blackness that you get from a cast iron pan yeah i don't know why but when i cook on one of those i feel like a fucking man cast iron grill man it's the best i feel like a man a cast iron frying pan i feel like a man if you give me a choice there's

a cast iron pan and some bitch ass fucking heats the whole thing up the same temperature one of those uh ones that you could like flip a cheeseburger without putting any non-stick uh-huh those are so gross in myanmar they use those non-stick pans and now a lot of that got into your food because they've been cooking that shit for like 10 years on the just street cooking just fucking here you go and you're like oh shut off to it let's go just eat it yeah it's gonna come out metal flakes my dog ate a packet of glitter really any shit It's like in roped up in his shit I was gonna take a picture of it put it on Instagram

But I was thinking it's probably like they could probably take that down get mad at you. It's for shit. I Guess I bet they could I bet there's rules you can't show tits on Instagram Why on Twitter it seems like you could show people fucking? I guess. I bet they could. I bet there's rules. You can't show tits on Instagram. Why? On Twitter, it seems like you could show people fucking. Stavros. This guy Stavros is a comedian. He's a fat guy. Fat, cute, great guy.

He's on my podcast this week. But like, he used to have. Powerful plug again. Yeah. I thought it was. But he used to take these naked pictures. He just liked his big, fat, naked body. Right. He'd sometimes see butt, never dick.

And he would just be naked with one foot in front of the other. They were hilarious pictures. And Instagram was like, body. Right. Sometimes you see butt, never dick, and he would just be naked with like one foot in front of the other. They were hilarious pictures and Instagram was like, nah. Wow. He's like, come on. How rude.

Yeah. People wrote blogs about him saying he's like body positive. Hmm. Instagram deleted a comedian's accounting, accountant, bring back Stabby Baby.

Stabby Baby? Stabby. Stabby. S-T-A-B-I-B-Y. Yeah, look how funny those are. The fucking Marrier Brothers one? Yeah, they're funny. You just see a butt cheek.

You don't see his asshole or anything like that. Yeah, just cheeks occasionally. There's nothing wrong with what he's doing. Come on, Instagram. A sad picture with fucking ice cream over his dick where he dropped one. Yeah, he's funny. Funny pictures. Why would that be offensive?

Are we that scared of nakedness? I had one where I had to pay off a bag of bets on puns drunk and a bag of bets Yeah, we just did these but we put bets in a hat and so when you have like a I think so-and-so is definitely Gonna win, you know, I think all those other what I think the other guys definitely win you're like, well Let's let's pick out of the hat So you have to do whatever the bet says What you have to do whatever the bet says. What'd you have to do? Wear a diaper for 24 hours.

No shitting anywhere else or pissing anywhere else except in the diaper. You shit in the diaper? One change. One change of diaper. Yeah, so I had to piss in one and I did it in the shower and I took a video of it

and YouTube was like, nope, not allowed. Wow. What are you naked? Wearing a diaper. Fully wearing. Hmm. I think YouTube is like super

They're super worried about being able to put ads on things you know and being able to Keep things it's lame though. It should be free. I agree, but who's got to pay for that infrastructure son Yeah, you know I'm saying I guess so you can't be showing people fuck that would be what youtube would become okay not fuck okay penetration okay you can't be free you're absolutely right change my opinion absolutely you should be able to show free show some sucking dick yeah parents you want to put some blockers on there go ahead do you know the story of uh that guy vincent gallo the actor no made a movie called brown bunny oh yeah he got full he got full head sucked

she sucked it in um chloe so if i get it gg yeah have you seen her name yeah and she just blew him on camera so she's second wave gentrification when she comes into your town you know it's about to be you're still in in it, it's cool and hip, but the Wall Street people are going to come in soon. She's second wave? Yeah. What's first wave? Artists, poor artists, who, that's, they afford to put up with the crime. Right. And then they bring a coolness factor to the area.

You know, they use the, whoever's living there, the indigenous, you know, cultures. Yeah, like what they're doing in downtown LA. Right? Exactly. Yeah, exactly. What is that shirt? you know cultures yeah like what they're doing downtown la right exactly yeah exactly what is that shirt what does it say oh cold blue rebels cold blue rebels you know danny lucas sound guy in the main yes yes his band oh no shit yeah i love danny it's a it's a zombie zombie uh rockabilly zombie billy i guess zombie rockabilly yeah it's, I guess. Zombie Rockabilly.

Yeah. It's a pretty cool band, but I think they're breaking up. So what's next, Ari Shafir? Well, so I got this Netflix double special. Is this one of those? No, I'm good. July 18th. I'm building my new hour.

Oh, shit. I'm going to get back on the road and see more places. I want to see more things. Yeah, everybody, it's going to be a great double special it should be really cool now when you're writing your new shit like when you're doing it now yeah are you incorporating experiences that you had when you were on this walkabout and are you i love it i love it as well are you physically writing them or are you like having these stories you're trying to work out on stage or I do some of that? But but my new hour is not gonna be that so those will be like side bits

Mostly I'm saying I'm kind of hearing what Rollins said to about how he does it and it's like some time to process it You know use it as like references and things instead of like bits about that, you know, right? You know, we have like like just a tagline about something and not the whole bit about something right right um so just in terms of like yeah i incorporate it when it comes up when i start thinking about it bill burr said it once where it's like what segura asked him a long time ago like how do you write a new hour like what what's what do you write about because i don't know what's on your mind what gets you angry what gets gets you riled up when you talk about it to your friends?

Whatever that is. Write about that. Burr's got an interesting thing going on, too, because he does that podcast where he rants. Yeah. So it's just him ranting. So his ranting muscle and his ranting endurance, it's incredible. I try to do that in my intros of my podcast. Oh, that's great.

Your intros are great. Thank you. I appreciate it. They're Really good. I really love the one about Tom Segura and the bat and his expensive taste now. It was very, very funny. And that was your first one back, too. Yeah, because I left going like, they're chasing me out of here.

No, your narrations and those things, those are some of my favorite parts of your podcast. You're breaking down things and getting excited about things, your enthusiasm for these things. tried early on to realize like oh this is where ads go so i don't want to make it just addy right but like let's make it actual more content and then if you have to throw an ad in there too fine but like here's gonna be some good times as well yeah and sometimes i don't even have ads i still do fucking 25 minutes yeah why not yeah why not if it's funny if it's not I'll re-record it they are funny and it's also

it's a different thing cause you're getting a chance to see you sort of unedited just ranting just thinking about stuff and talking yeah

yeah somebody told me one I had one after Anderson lost for the first time it was just part of a podcast about this girl who cuts herself

just talked about that but like in the beginning it was almost an hour after Anderson lost for the first time. It was just part of a podcast about this girl who cuts herself. We talked about that. But in the beginning, it was almost an hour on what Anderson Silva meant to me as a UFC fan. Wow. And how it was just this weird way to lose. I kind of forgot about it now, but it was like, yeah, I don't know. It's fun. But that went on for so long.

Yeah, well, that was something that was a real thing to you. It meant something to you you that's why it's interesting he was at my first ufc he fought chris lieben my very first ufc yeah i saw him become a champ he was like my guy i was at the fucking five and a half four and a half round crazy ending yeah to uh to chail i remember being in a ring with you and Dana and fucking Superman. What's his name? He won championships at heavyweight and light heavyweight. Randy Gator.

Superman. Whatever his name was. What did they call him? The natural? Whatever. Superman. I was like, what the fuck is he talking about? He looked at me in a way like, I definitely got the wrong name, but whatever it is.

I was trying to figure out a nickname. Who had the nickname Superman? Yeah, but we're all in just a ring, and got the wrong name but whatever it is i was trying to figure out a nickname like who had the nickname superman yeah but we're all just a ring and it was like we're all talking about whatever stuff and then one at a time one of us you could see them like thinking about how that fight ended four rounds plus of dominance by one guy and a last minute fucking triangle out of nowhere to keep this one of the best champions of all time still in power yep it was just so fucking nuts and you see one at a time, Randy or somebody, I remember Randy doing it after someone else did it. They would just kind of go off like you see him thinking about something,

and they would just shake their head and go, oh, man. And you're like, oh, you're thinking about that fucking fight. It was right in the hallway right afterwards. God, it was crazy. Yeah, there's a unique feeling that you get when you're recounting like a crazy event where someone knocks somebody out or chokes on the hour like Jesus You gotta look in your face. How many times after the UFC's have we gone to dinner and be like fuck? Yeah, Jesus Christ

And I saw Berg at that same look after at the comedy store in the front after the baby bird No, and a I saw him from far away talking. I was like, hey, are you talking about the baby bird? Yeah, I could tell I could tell the way you're doing it Yeah Yeah, so that's all I'm working on just building my new hour, and then I can get the fuck out of this garbage dump again Just garbage dump Los Angeles. Oh, yes, Hollywood. How dare you how dare you yeah? This is the place where you've buttered your bread, sir. No, I like it.

The business end makes me a little mad sometimes. The business end. Yeah. I think to be your friend and advisor, I would say it's time to remove yourself from the other side. You no longer need to negotiate. So it's fun to travel and stuff is what I mean. I think you're right. Oh, 100%. Listen, man, you'll all get along way better when you don't need them.

Yeah. Everybody will be your't need them. Yeah. Everybody will be your friend. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, that's all I'm doing. Working on a new album. You're going to do it all about Judaism. All about Judaism?

I think so. Well, that's a good way to alienate the white supremacists. Yeah. You're an asshole. Yeah. You don't even care about the people who hate the Jews. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, guys. I've been culturally insensitive. you're an asshole you don't even care about the people who hate the Jews yeah sorry sorry guys I've been culturally insensitive

you're not even thinking about them I don't know what are you working on we never found that video of the evergreen professor throwing his hands around oh yeah

there's one video I'm pretty sure it's in but I need to like double check and listen to make sure it's the part they're talking about because it was getting highlighted as it

someone sent it to me and they sent it queued up like right where it is and it's it's so hilarious there's probably you know what it's queued up in a website if you google evergreen uh what is he the president evergreen oh um in evergreen hand motions are a microaggression google that hand motions are a microaggression. Google that. Hand motions are a microaggression. And they have it. There's a website for sure that has an article

where they show the video and they have it queued up. And when it's queued up, you can see the kids laughing when they get the teacher to put his hands behind his back. That's them just not knowing. Well, I'll see it. But that's them not understanding what they really are looking for. They're just looking for power.

Because part of them feels like, ha-ha, I made you do it. And another another part says that's a microaggression don't do that where it's like if you believe that then don't laugh at someone for not doing it anymore what they're doing is just enjoying power these kids have taken over the school right yeah that's it give me some give me some volume put your hands down don't point don't point that's not appropriate

you gotta put your hands down he's apologizing yes like the dude walks up to the president and he's like put your hands down. Put your hands down. Put his hands to his side? Yes.

Dude. And they're laughing at him. The thing is that my ancestors were slaves and your ancestors were not. Your ancestors came here of free choice and decided to bring along my people of their own not of their own free will to work and build this country my dad was came after the israeli army just letting you know that slavery still has repercussions in society today and that is what we're here about she's she's waiting for an applause it's not over yeah she seems to not know oh there she goes trying to get off and what does he do about that? He's clapping as well

He's clapping too. He needs uh he needs to seriously stop He's clapping too like you he had a really good point You can't it's something we know we are Okay, that version of that that super liberal left is the feminists Okay, that version of that, that super liberal left is feminist. You know? That version of that? There's a version of that, which is just the feminists.

Like that version of feminists. That version. Yeah, there's versions of everything. The bloggers and the... There's versions of masculinists too, right? That's the alt-right, I guess. Is it though? I don't know. I don't really understand.

I don't know. It seems to me like the alt-right for more than a lot of what they're doing is having fun yeah it does seem like i'm trolling some of it's like just straight trolling just a lot of it is you said this i can't believe it's like can't you believe it well maybe it was a joke i mean like milo some of it milo Like Milo Yiannopoulos. Surely. That guy gets him so mad. Yeah. Milo is so theatrical. So much of what he's doing seems like he's having fun. Dude, I love it when they get on somebody and you just shit on them a little bit. Someone's a god to them all of a sudden.

Beyonce after Lemonade. Things like that. If you shit on them a little bit, you can get people so fucking angry at you. It's great. It's great. There's never been a time like this, Ari Shaffir, where you get so many morons mad at you it's great it's great there's never been a time like this arish fair we can get so many morons mad at you i love it i love it um but yeah but so what i've noticed is that of the super liberal okay you know how like american sports fans are kind of dumb

how dare you you know i can't even believe I'm hearing this. More so than other places. We're not very thought out. You're fucking rude, bro. Our political analysis isn't that smart. In the same way, our liberal left, our feminism, is some of the dumbest feminism in the world. Other ones are more thought out and more interesting

and more just thoughtful in general. Dude, I think you left America and became a fucking turncoat. That's what I'm hearing. I'm hearing a bunch of bullshit yeah yeah so what do you think though you should hear people talking they're way smarter than the people we have like like so our people are just dumber saying this microaggression shit right what is that that's us having too much fucking free time is that what is that is you've left behind what's actually wrong and you're jumping on, which is a lot. There's a lot wrong.

Yeah. So like worry about that and calm down. My girl got you guys. It's not like there's better shit to do so you shouldn't worry about what actually bothers you. This shouldn't bother you. You know, take that same venom and put it into something that's actually happening. There's this forced. Okay.

Well, like that girl that stood up there, the girl that stood up there and it's like your ancestors were not slaves we weren't brought here mine were you know and slavery has repercussions and then everybody starts clapping and it's like you're you're right but what is the point what's your rally for like what are we doing like yeah it's all obviously ancestors like when do we get over this ancestor thing like how many generations in do we do just treat people as individuals? And what do they want? Some people got an advantage for sure. White people got an advantage for sure.

OK, but it's not it's it's it's more so, but it's not 100 percent of the time. So if I came from a from a divorced household, I didn't. Right. You know, and my dad wasn't around and my dad beat my mom you know that can be a way worse and harder experience than the cosby kids right you know right today yeah but so it's like just because you're this it might make the odds harder for you but it's not a hundred percent but there's an origins thing and one of the origins that every black kid has to face that when they think about it is that someone down the line was a slave.

And they're not slaves anymore, but that's why people who look like him are here. They're all here because someone brought them over here in chains. Yeah, and they're still treated with remnants of that. Right, and there's got to be a weird self-esteem or a self-identity issue attached to knowing that everybody knows that your ancestors were slaves and there's a certain like there's a certain thing that people do when someone has something and someone else wants it you if you have a a group of people that's different it's like really easy to almost think of them as not you like that's how they've justified Wars. That's how sure so many people I buy dehumanizing the other you know and

This this thing that has to balance out that I guess is I Guess just the echoes of that is like we have to get so many generations away from echoes of that is like we have to get so many generations away from the from people being slaves and any repercussions of it socially i cannot we have to get so far away that it doesn't factor in anymore where we don't care okay that's well expressed for sure yeah i like that that kind of like calm way to explain something rarely gets put out anymore it's screaming and yelling you know why like you're not teaching anyone anything. The biggest problem on the left and the right

but the ones that are angry the angry mobs is they never seek to educate. They only seek to like punish. Also grandstand. They want to make

this big speech. You can hear in that lady's voice she was going for audience clap two or three times didn't get it and was like

I'll keep going. She's seen Oprah. She knows how to manipulate a crowd. She knows how to get those people riled up. Yeah yeah well listen man that's part of being a person like that's half the reward for saying something that's right is the love that you get from people when you say that it's right and they recognize it and they go yes so people get addicted to that yes so they constantly do things that they think are at least perceived as being right. And they get very vocal with things when they perceive those things are going to get a very big reaction for standing up against them.

And it becomes this moral high ground sort of grandstanding peacocking sort of a thing where they just are constantly trying to let everyone know how uncool it is to do this and how wrong it is to do that like settle the fuck down yeah like we just see a weird a weird thing and then sometimes they'll see something that doesn't quite fit in like they'll they're starting to make you know how they make rape broader and broader and broader oh yeah which is i really does think does a disservice to rape it does to be able to make it seem like anyway they were saying coercion is rape where if you talk someone into it yes that's right and then a bunch of men was like oh well if that's true then i've been raped a bunch of times and then the super liberal left was like oh we don't want to make that you don't want to make you be able to be victim so okay that's no longer rape

yeah coercion was one uh someone under the influence of alcohol which was very questionable yeah that's a weird one because we all know that there's different states of mind and that a woman who decides to get how to get a couple drinks and then wants to have sex if the man is sober that was a weird one it's supposed to be that you're not supposed to do it because she's under the influence like that was that was the argument that was the problem is it's too black and white so it's like i know a lot of women who are like oh i can't have sex without drinking. I have to drink before I have sex. And it's like oh well so then okay. Right.

They don't all think the same thing. Of course. So some of them, the militant ones want to say you're a rapist now. Right. And some of the other ones are like no no women can take control of themselves. They can have some drinks and lubricate themselves if they want to. It's also really the only time we're ever asking people to,

like we're saying, you don't have control. You're not even responsible for what you're doing, as opposed to driving. If you're under the influence and driving, no one says, hey, it wasn't your fault that you plowed into that school bus full of kids with your car because you were drunk. That used to be the rule.

You couldn't control it. Well, it still is the rule, but I'm saying, they'll say that if it comes to sexual intercourse right but they won't say that when it comes to driving like no one's gonna say you couldn't consent to being behind the wheel you were under the influence it's not your fault like you're supposed to know enough like it's supposed to be deeply embedded in your head enough that you don't go into that car and start it even though you're drunk but sex you're like no no yeah you can't handle it yeah you can't handle it you don't know what's going on it's like yes for drunk driving you ran over somebody while you're drunk driving they're like i'm sorry

but officer it's like you know self-defense i was drunk same shit i wouldn't do it on purpose i didn't do it on purpose i was drunk that's why i lost control the car obviously it's hard to control the car when you're drunk right so that's what happened to me when did it become illegal to drink i don't know i don't So that's what happened to me. When did it become illegal to drink and drive? I don't know. I don't know. That's a very good question. Look that up. You're not too long.

60s? My parents, my friends and whatnot, they did it. Or in the 70s or... Let's Google it and find out. But let's take a guess. I say 50s. 50s? Late 50s.

Give me a year. 61. That's how late in the 50s. I'm going to go with 69. Okay. It is fun to say that. I think I'm wrong to say 61. That's how late in the 50s. I'm going to go with 69. Okay. It is fun to say that. I think I'm wrong, though. 73?

73? That seems so late. Maybe. Maybe. Hmm. I feel like I should stick to the 60s. The first state that adopted any sort of law was New York in 1910. Whoa.

But. Bore we wheel off. I didn't know that. Cars, then. I feel like when I looked this up before... I thought cars were like late 20s. People were drunk two years into having cars. Yeah, don't get on your horse. It's hilarious.

I tried to remember looking this up. I think sometime in the 50s or 60s, or maybe even up to 1980 when MAD started, that the states that weren't adopting it were going to stop get funding for federal road money. In the 80s? Stuff like that. So they had to adopt all the laws.

That's like how they forced everyone in. Dude, of course people would drink. It would be a bunch of people driving. Like, have you tried driving yet? Like, dude, it's awesome. And then someone's like, have you tried it drunk? Like, no. Wow.

I'm for sure going to do that. That sounds like a great idea. See, that's where a horse is superior. Yeah. Because a horse isn't going to crash because the horse is sober. Autopilot. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it's almost like a form. You can pass out on top of it. It's like a superior form of travel in a lot of ways. You have a relationship with this animal. You know, you go up to it. Hey, there, Mr. Flapjacks or whatever the fuck his name is. You pet him. You're a good old boy.

We get you some feed. You give your, put the feed back on him. He chews his food. Like, what the fuck his name is. You pet him. You're a good old boy. We get you some feed. You put the feed back on him. He chews his food. Like, what the fuck, man? That's probably a way better way of getting around. Yeah. As long as you're not allergic to horses. Yeah.

That's way worse. Oh, if you're allergic to horses in the West, you're fucked. You're living here. How the fuck is a person allergic to horses? This is how weak our gene pool has gotten, folks. Yeah. That's sad. I feel so bad for people that are allergic to animals and people that are allergic to pollen and people that are allergic to-

Allergic to wool. A lot of people close to me have allergies. It's so hard to watch because it's annoying that there's a thing out there that can do that to them just to them what the fuck is that doesn't even make any Sense and it's not that it's not the thing self-defense mechanism. No, it's dumb. It's like grass some some kids are super types of grass There's kids that look like they have celiacs Yeah, my kids are friends with them and you know you have to be real careful that they don't eat anything that has any wheat I thought you're gonna say you have to be careful. They become too much friends with them and you know you have to be real careful that they don't eat anything that has any wheat i thought you're gonna say you have to be careful they become too much friends with them no they have they can't eat their vitamin d at home they they have to have very strict diets

yeah it's crazy real super strict diets because they have an allergy i've heard about it if it gets all hot and like things happen to you dude allergies are fucking straight like peanuts like if you have that like bro you can smell it two rows behind you in a plane you're fucked brian callan's mom he said on the podcast he was talking about she eats brazil nuts she gets like terribly ill well those are the ones expensive ones they're gross though they're not that good they're big they ain't shit they're big they ain't shit macadamias macadamia macadamia but nobody's putting Brazil nuts in chocolate. The fuck I had here with that big stupid nut.

That's a big stupid weird tasting nut. Oh, savory. Fucking weapon. Yeah, what is that? You have a cashew and you eat that piece of shit? You gotta fucking give me half of it now and half of it later. Yeah, like if you told me, dude, you gotta pass on one nut for the rest of your life. Brazil nuts right off the bat? Like Brazil nuts.

I don't know what to think about it. Yeah, I kind of like walnuts. It's an unusual, almost a dry flavor. Yeah, they're weird once in a while with some salt on them. Imagine if there was like sommeliers for nuts, the same way there are for like wines. Some dude like sat you down and was talking to you about the cashews he was about to serve. Yeah.

This is a cashew from the Himalayas. You could open a whole restaurant called these nuts Joe I gotta go take pictures for my Netflix double special called double negative July Ari Shaffir Rocking and rolling yeah, I'm very excited that you're gonna have your special. Yeah, baby. It's huge. Yeah Canadians out there Australians you finally get to see something will will you come oh on the day you're gonna release it you're gonna be out of town jesus bitch what day is it uh july 18th what about the day before that am i out of town then yeah you're gonna be on vacation that whole week okay shit yeah well we'll work out of time um when i when are you leaving from here yeah when are you jetting that's when you're going

back to that dirty stinky yeah stacked stacked up, rat infested. We could record one off this and release it later. Record one off this? Off, not in the studio. Let's go up on a hike by your house. Let's do a hike. And we'll do a hike podcast. Let's do a hike podcast.

And you can put it out the day of. I like it. Would that work? Yes. Okay. Absolutely. Beautiful. All right, that's what it is.

Okay, ladies and and gentlemen make sure you download ari shafir's skeptic tank it's one of the best podcasts in the known universe thank you and it's one that i never miss it's uh punch drunk sports oh yeah i thought you said there's one you always miss i misheard it punch drunk sports too yeah but yeah but you listen to skeptic tank that's great yeah i'm happy about that i'm not a sports fan so much so the punch drunk i'll listen to you guys when you talk about fights. It gets weird sometimes. I always want to call in and go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not how it works. I got my asshole bleached yesterday. I heard. I heard. I saw pictures. Tripoli. I mean, Syrenzi's had a hold up in my butt cheeks. How'd that feel?

Weird, man. I would imagine. If you were comfortable with it, then it'd be a problem. This dude had his fucking finger right on the rim. I kept thinking he was just going to go forward. So he had to touch your asshole while he's bleaching it yeah what does he he had a glove what this guy looked like i want to can i guess can i guess yeah sure i would guess that he has like um like limp implants and botox and it's like an oddly shiny forehead and he um he's got a perfect haircut and he's he's very feminine but

in a weird sort of a way and he's just uh rubbing and he's a suit on and he has white gloves they're white gloves like with the lines in the back of them like mickey mouse has like a butler's glove well to give you a hint is it's Sam Tripoli who got the person. Oh, so he's an Armenian. No, he was a gimp wearing a mask with a leather leash around him and a codpiece. That's better. He was looking for a porn star, but one couldn't do it, so he got this instead. That's amazing.

Yeah. Was the person nice to you? Yeah, he was pretty nice. Beautiful. I can see his mustache through his gimp mask, and that's it. Wow. Yeah. Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. But yeah, Skeptic Tank's back, you guys.

A lot of content for you. A lot of content. A lot of content. It's back every-ish week. Yeah. I'm not doing too much travel and stuff, but yeah. All right. I want to get Killer Mike on.

Yeah, me too. If you're out there, dude. I want to talk about the revolution. Okay, well, let's get him in town. We'll have him do both. Or we could do a swap cast. Put it out wherever you want? Yeah, you know what a swap cast is?

Sort of. Bert and Doug do it. It'll go up on Bert's and it'll go up on Doug's. It's wherever. Sort of like we did with The End of the World. Everybody put The End of the World up. When we did The End of the World podcast on election night, everybody got it. We just sent a copy of it and everybody just put it up.

Swapcast. That's a cool idea. It's democratic or something. Alright, folks, that's it. Love you. Bye-bye. See ya. Bye. Bye.