The Joe Rogan Experience - #992 - Ian Edwards

Episode Date: August 1, 2017

Ian Edwards is a stand up comedian and also hosts his own podcast called "Soccer Comic Rant" available on Spotify.

Oh shit here we go Ian Edwards back from Montreal. Back from another country. What up man? What's up brother? Good to see you man. Good to see you man. Yeah man. Was in Montreal at the comedy festival. First of all Canada is right there. Yeah. But it's such a hard country to get into. It's very hard to get into. It's crazy. Yeah, they don't want any douchebags. They have a zero douchebag policy. But listen, I saw the ex-mayor of Montreal, right, in Walking Down Sunset in front of the Comedy Store. The one that was on crack right is that the toronto guy the toronto ford you saw that guy yeah i saw that guy one day walking by the comedy

store and everybody took pictures with him and he was the mayor and he did crack there's a tape of it right right so how the fuck did he get here but can Canada won't even take a drunk driver from us. That's true. Well, I think crack, you're probably a better driver when you're on crack. You're just more expeditious. You get things done. Yeah, that's... If you commit a crime, you can't get into Canada.

If you have a DUI, like Patrice had a DUI on... Well, not Patrice, but I know people that have DUIs that can get into Canada. Oh, yeah. It's super common. They can't work there. You can't work there. You can't get in there.

Diaz can't get up there. Say again? Joey Diaz. He can't get up there. Right. But... He's got some real shit. Right.

He's got some real shit. Armed kidnapping. But that's why I say DUI because even though DUIs are serious, the ones where you get convicted, but you do your probation period and you, you know, you get your license back.

Yeah. Even when you get your license back, you can't get into Canada. But somebody who was the mayor and sold crack, and I know other Canadians that probably committed crimes, can be in here. Yeah. Why the fuck is it so tough for me to get into canada when i got to the airport they uh i've been to canada before so when i got to the airport they had me to try to fill out some immigration form and it's three hours i was like two and a half hours early thank god then they want me to fill out this form on my phone online it's like 40 something questions online online it's like 40 something questions online

online it's the new way to do it it's a new way to do it well again i got a british passport so everybody that was just had a straight american passport went in how does that work you have like a jamaica passport is that what it is no i got a british one because i'm from england from england yeah and so now when you're in uh amer America from England, like how does it work? They give you like a- I have a green card. So you're not a full American citizen? No, I'm like a permanent resident.

So I can't talk about certain shit with you. Why not? Because then it's like treasonous. Treasonous? I got to be careful. I got to be careful. You're from another land. No, man, I'm here.

You're from another nation. No, man, I'm here. Isn't that odd? I mean, that's really odd. Like here's a perfect example. Perfect example. I didn't know that you were born in England. If you told me, I forgot. Right. You probably forgot. I probably forgot. And people forget. We forget facts about each other.

Well, especially that kind of fact, because it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. But like automatically, like in the grand scheme of things, I'm supposed to look at you like, oh, you're on the other team. What other team what are you over here you could be one of those embedded people i just read about these russians man these russians in new jersey did you hear about this i'm not russian anymore dude i'm not trusting english people either anymore um the russians were in uh i want to say montclair like a nice area New Jersey and they were a regular family this the Russian family but they weren't really this regular family they were actually embedded Soviet spies

well that sounds like the Americans look at that shit Russian spies New Jersey home heading for sale damn don't buy that house what the fuck you want someone to watch you fuck you might find money and shit in there. There's going to be cameras that watch the shit come out of your asshole. There's probably cameras everywhere.

They'll watch the shit come out of your ass. I mean, come on, man. You can't get a Russian house from some Russian spies. You got to be like a crazy person. I don't know. You might find some hidden spaces with money and shit in there. Maybe feel like a total voyeur. What has he said?

He said that he doesn't expect the Russian spy connection to help or hurt the sale. Bitch, you're out of your fucking mind. I mean, that's not the worst thing that can happen to a house. It's just a bunch of, you know, spies. Nobody's, hopefully, nobody's murdered in the house. But when someone's murdered in the house, good selling that house. They can get the price down You're better off just burn it to the ground Smashing that thing and then rebuilding a new house and even then people don't want to live there because that's where the old house where the

Dude got killed used to be the master. How old is your house? It's a brand new did you know in there? No, no, no, I think it was made in the 70s. 70s? Yeah. Do you know if anybody was murdered there or died there? I've never seen a ghost. I think they have to inform you. There's a moratorium. What's that? There's a website you can look it up. I just heard about it. I'm not sure

that it doesn't ask you if you knew about it. A website where you can find out if somebody died in your house? That's a good move. Yeah, like, do you remember that this one always got to me, man. That those brothers that shot their parents. The Menendez brothers. The Menendez brothers. And one of them had a wig on.

Remember? He had this glorious fake head of hair. They made him take it off when he went to jail. It was a really crazy story because they shotgunned their own parents. Right. Whoa, man. How the fuck does that happen? jail it was a really crazy story because they shotgun their own parents right whoa man how the fuck does that happen the you know the one on the left the one on the left has a total wig i mean you look at it now you go oh i get it no the one on the right was just blessed just straight up blessed with some curly locks it's hilarious what the fuck man those those those sons shotgun their fucking parents man do you

know kirk fox used to teach them tennis that's right that's right i do somehow vaguely remember that so he has a whole story about teaching them tennis dude that scares the shit out of me that people could do that it doesn't scare the shit out of me nearly as much that people can get so angry at someone that they could shoot them. But it scares the shit out of me that someone could do that to their dad. And their mom, too, right? Didn't they shoot the mom, too? Jesus, they shot. They were adopted, right?

Were they? Yeah. I think the Menendez brothers were adopted. Oh, really? Yeah. And I think they're just trying to get money. Oh, what is that? Sexual and psychological abuse abuse they had suffered at the hands of their parents oh well there you go i know it's like you always want to immediately blame it on the kids

right because they killed their parents but the the parents could have been fucking monsters yeah you never know oh well it's got they have to be monsters. I mean, if you think about it, how do you make a kid that is capable of shooting you in your sleep? You've got to have raised that kid horribly. Unless you just, by dumb luck, have two complete genetic psychopaths from birth that you could have done nothing to fix. You've got two guys that are willing to shoot you while you're sleeping and you raise them from the time they were babies. That's crazy. Yeah, man. Anyway, I was going to say their house.

Yeah, I wonder what happened to their house. Burnt that fucking thing to the ground probably. I wonder what happened to like Nicole Simpson's house. Oh. I think it's still there. Does somebody live there? Wasn't Nicole Simpson's, was that a house or was that an outside an apartment building condo yeah that's a weird one because that's like it's a public building you got to just deal with it people just

deal with it is that apartment like still empty hers now that he killed them on the street right he killed him outside but every time you go home you have to step over a crime scene to walk into your house. And you've seen the pictures. Yeah. You know the history. Every time an OJ documentary comes out or every time they have an OJ series on TV or when his parole hearing comes up, you're like, walking over the doorway into that house.

So I wonder, like, I want to talk to the person who's like, doesn't give a fuck and lives in that motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? Yeah,

doesn't bother him at all. Like, a deal's a deal, baby. This house is badass. That is Sprintwood. Yeah. Listen, she should have been nicer to him.

Damn. Did you ever see the autopsy photos? Did I? Don't. No? If you haven't, don't. It's not worth it. You get it.

I saw the murder scene photos. It's just so hard to believe that someone could do that to someone. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. That they cared about, that they had babies with. Right. It's just people get crazy. It's Game of Thrones out here. But just rarely.

That's what it is. It's like every week it's the Game of Thrones. It's normal on the Game of Thrones, which I just started watching in. You did? Yeah, I didn't know what the fuck was going on, man. I started watching this new season. I was like, I forgot everything. I started watching it like a few months ago.

I started watching it over from the beginning. Oh. That's what you should do watch it yeah from season one and you see how much stuff you didn't know or didn't understand right or didn't realize and because game of thrones they don't give a fuck like they'll introduce a new character and having talking to a regular character like they've been talking for a while yeah and you're like did i miss something exactly but then if you go back you know no that guy is new i'm not supposed to know him yeah it's like homework you gotta do research to understand that show well this these kind of shows have kind of stopped my interest in movies yeah like movies are okay but a movie's 90 minutes that's it or two hours it's over when it's over. I don't you know I'm done right, but these goddamn things get you infested. Yeah

like I'm not like What is this a nerd HBO hacked upcoming episodes Game of Thrones data leaked online? So the results like the scripts that they mean by data no no like the shows oh no You like to have oh no hack recently data no no like the shows oh no someone actual yeah like they have oh no it's a big hack recently some other shows got taken too oh yeah they should just edit offline oh my my goodness monsters you monsters how dare you be careful yeah some whiz kid right probably from china something like that so yeah we can't compete anymore russia's kicking everybody out of Russia.

You hear about that shit? They are? All the people that are working at the embassy. 75 American delegates or whatever they would be called. I'm sure they're happy to go home. Yeah, they're like, get me the fuck out of here. Unless they got something going on. Got some crazy fake Russian life over there.

Just like the people in Montclair. 755. 755 diplomats. What does that mean? Are we going to war with Russia? Nah. Come on, man. They've got, in Montclair, right?

They got a house. People just living there. What happened to those people in that house? Did they kick them out? Put them in jail? I think they put them in jail. Go back to that story. Like, how'd they find out they were spies?

That's a good question, man. That's a real good question. They just went to the house sale? Like, whoa, give me some explanation here, y'all. It says their story partially inspired the FX drama The Americans, about two undercover Russian spies who live in the U.S. with two young children. That's a fucking amazing show. Is it really?

The Americans is so fucking amazing. Really? Yeah, man. What's it on vladimir and lydia how do you say that name gory goryev yeah vladimir and lydia goryev lived in the home in montclair under the names richard and cynthia murphy hi richard and cynthia murphy hi i wonder what they talked like before they arrested in 2010, along

with eight other spies accused of leading double lives, complete with false passports, secret code words, fake names, invisible ink, and encrypted radio. Whoa. Invisible ink? Dude, what kind of weird-ass life is that? It's weird to think that there's someone that could be a spy

in your neighborhood and that he thinks that you're the enemy because you were born over here and he was born over there you know just like what we were talking about with you having a passport from england but what's in jersey that they're living in jersey and doing this shit like who are they close to well jersey's close to new New York, first of all. And there's a lot of very wealthy people that live in Montclair. I believe Montclair is a very nice area. Google that.

Should be. My uncle used to have a pottery studio. A pottery studio? In Montclair. That is some rich white shit. Well, it was more like hippie artist stuff. He was an art teacher. He used to teach art in school.

I don't think it was in high school. I think high school. What's that? How do I look that up? Montclair, New Jersey. What's that word they use? Medium income. Medium income.

Yeah. Look up that. I think it's a baller place. I think it's like Beverly Hills. It's like the Beverly Hills of New Jersey. Maybe I'm exaggerating. 163,000 it says. That's a lot of money.

Yeah. For the average, that probably means a lot of rich. That means people are making more. Yeah. Yeah. There's probably a lot of rich people there. That's just one poor rich person that brought that price down to 100. Why do you think they do it?

Okay, let's take a guess. Do you think they sneak in, they become spies, they get tight with rich people, and then, you know, like, look, I know a family that had Ted fucking Cruz over their house for some event they were holding. This was like a year or so before the election, maybe two years before the election. This was like a year or so before the election, maybe two years before the election. Like, these people were so baller. They had Ted Cruz give like one of those stupid stump speeches in their house. For money. To raise money.

Yeah, to raise money. They're like big pro-Israel supporters. They had Ted Cruz in their house talking about Israel. Very trippy shit. Like, very trippy shit like very trippy shit like you're you're literally hanging out in your house with a guy that might be running the nukes right yeah like so if you're a russian spy and you can get tight with that dude you can hang with that dude hey frank is uh ted cruz really coming over your i'll tell you what he makes a lot of sense there's a lot of his policies that are real i'm really agreeing with then you just call up the r embassy, send me some money so I can donate to Ted Cruz and get close to Ted Cruz.

And you just bring in a truckload of Vietnamese hookers just backing up. Beep, beep, beep. Get Ted all fucked up on that same meth that Rob Ford had. It's hilarious. Right? Just get the party rolling. Start filming. Start filming, Ted ted we need to know

start start having uh blackmail info on ted cruz we need to know we can count on you everybody keeps getting fired from the white house does anybody understand what the fuck is going on over there yeah was anybody fired today yet there's a meme that scaramucci guy however you say his name um there's a meme of him where he's going like that like with his mouth i'm like uh uh and it said um if you take if you get this job where do you see yourself in 10 days hilarious that's funny it's like like how do how do you hire a guy who clearly looks like he's done coke does he he looks like a wolf of Does he? He looks like a wolf of Wall Street. Yeah, he looks like a wolf of Wall Street.

Look at him. This is the guy? Yeah. Just on looks alone. Like this cocky. He's a hedge fund jock, you know? He follows everybody online. He probably follows you.

Hilarious. He follows me. He does? Yep. Yeah, that makes sense. I think he follows everybody he follows like 150 000 would you ever have him on the show of course yeah that's a great guess i would love to talk to one of those dudes find out what it's like in there especially a guy who's in there for like

10 days this guy will talk well i have had a hedge fund guy i've had that peter schiff guy on before the financial wizard he's coming on again he's an interesting cat he's a big time wall street guy i mean he's got some gigantic firm that employs who knows how many fucking people but he's uh he's also always on television breaking down what's wrong with like financial bubbles right like the real estate bubble he called all that shit the subprime mortgage bubble he called all that shit years ago i'm calling i'm calling the netflix bubble right now oh how dare you i'm calling the Netflix bubble right now. Ooh, how dare you? I'm calling, it can't sustain itself.

You're not the only one, by the way. All right, cool. You know, there was an article that was out just yesterday about debt. There was something about Netflix being in debt. Something like, I think it was said, it was someone at the Times did an investigation and it was just like,

they found out they're $20 billion in debt. How's that possible? Because they're spending so much money on these shows man and promoting them and it's like listen they just celebrated a few months ago

their hundredth million uh customer like whatever they call it hundred million yeah so that means like if Facebook had that

Facebook would be laughing because Facebook right got how many subscribers? Right, but there's a big difference. Facebook doesn't get $9 a month from you. Right, but... Each one of those 100 million people are giving $9 a month.

That's $900 million a month. I'm not good at math, but I think that's... That's almost a billion dollars a month. That's $12 billion a year. Right. Or maybe $10. $10 billion a year. You know what...

That's an insane amount of money. You know what it is? What? This is what it is. Man. Man is so valuable. Right. I know.

Even when something can work. Like, they make systems that work. Right. But the problem with those systems is that humans run those systems. Right. And they are so valuable that they fuck shit up. Is that the right way to say that word? Fallible?

Probably not. It sounds perfect, though. I know exactly what you're saying. Don't look it up, people. Fallible? I always thought it was fallible. It must be my British Jamaican accent makes things sound different. But there's always those words that you never say but you see written and

you know the word be like how am i saying this like i know what this is but i can't i don't say it can't come up with a good example that is one of you know what it's funny i don't remember ever saying that word oh reuters sometimes reuters is one like i never say reuters like the reuters news source but when i look at it and i go okay i, I know what that is. I've read it a thousand times, but how do I say that? Routers? Reuters? Reuters?

Reuters sounds right. It is the right way to say it. That's what everybody says it. But when left to my own devices, especially, I'll just look, how the fuck do I pronounce this? Yeah,

I have way too much totally useless information going around inside my head i gotta do some spring cleaning i gotta throw away some childhood memories i gotta throw away some childhood memories that are not serving me it's hilarious just taking up space in my head i just you run out of hard drive space man yeah you do every day you're looking at some new story every day there's some new thing going on you know And especially if you're trying to follow Game of Thrones and maybe House of Cards 2 and maybe Stranger Things. I remember when I used to remember everything. I could remember every movie, every part of every movie, every part of my childhood.

And then now somebody said, remember the time we did this? And I'm like, you were there? Like, I remember the time, but I don't remember that you were there like i remember the time but i don't remember that you were there but i guess you were yeah like now it's my memory's full i need to go to the mac store and have some shit added yeah but if you were like an old farmer you'd remember all that shit it was just every day getting up milking the the cows, picking the eggs, killing a sheep or something for dinner. Right. You would have those memories.

Right. Because you're in that same spot every day thinking about your childhood. Yeah, and you're away from all the distractions. Yeah. And shit that could come in your head. Yeah, no books. No books. No, no.

You got to eat cheese and go to sleep. They should probably just read one book, like, over and over. They got five books. The books? No, no. You got to eat cheese and go to sleep. They should probably just read one book like over and over. They got five books. The Bible's all you need. It's an amazing storybook. Yeah. It is written in storybook form. Well, it's what it was.

Yeah. The Bible is a fascinating book in that you start off with someone telling stories for like a thousand years before you write it down. And then you've got a bunch of really old versions of the story. No one's sure which ones to use. Like they've got the version that's in the Dead Sea Scrolls. That's the oldest versions of some of those stories,

and it's one of the only, like I think maybe the only one that's written in Aramaic. Oh, all right. And they found it in these clay pots in Qumran. And Qumran is an area in Israel. So they have these, like, little caves. And they would find these clay pots. And in these clay pots, they got these scrolls that are made out of animal skins, a lot of them. So they take these scrolls out.

It's so crazy. It takes, like like i think it took them like 14 to 15 years just to piece it together damn dude they're all broken up and shit and they couldn't figure out what goes with what so they had to take dna tests on the on the actual pieces of animal skin so they could tell okay well this is some skin from this animal so let's concentrate on this all these pieces have been genetically tested to be from this animal so let's concentrate on this all these pieces have been genetically tested to be from this animal so let's put these together because they're probably the same scroll and they have to like figure out i take these crumbs and chunks

that are just thousands of years old and i'm supposed to trust this well not only that it's also you're reading it in in an ancient ancient language you're you're reading it in the also like the references and the way people thought back then yeah then they have like the oldest version of the the hebrew bible is like the the very oldest versions were written in ancient hebrew and ancient hebrew is crazy because it has numbers as well as letters. So like if you have a letter A, it's also the number one. It's all the same. It's all linked in.

So like when you have a word, like words have like a numerical value. And if I'm butchering this, if anyone's an ancient Hebrew representative. But Ari and I discussed this for a couple times because Ari you know went to What is it called like that thing that they send him off to that religious camp when he was there? I was like a serious serious Orthodox Jew oh, so that's why he's such a serious atheist now. Oh, he's such a freak now Yeah, that's exactly why but so like their words had numerical value so like the word God and the word love They have the same numerical value right so you know like with you know the letter L the letter

Oh, and they all have like numbers like we can't even think like that because none of our words have numerical value Right, but like the the actual meaning of a word has more value with more numbers to it It's really interesting all that stuff's lost on our stupid goofy language because when they train translated it to latin they translated it to greek or to english it's all kind of lost and then who was translating this shit and what was everything is based off like what your goal is or what your perception of the world is and where you're from and how you were raised and what you want this thing to mean to people right so like like you can't get away from that you know so if you're the person putting this stuff together and translating it's like how do

do you not let your influence influence this thing you do right you tweak it a little you tweak it yeah you want it to to mean the things that it means to you even if you just want people to believe this is an ancient scroll that you found yeah you know and this goes back to you finding it and it goes to your name and to your legacy yeah like well there's also massive amounts evidence of people um looking at something and then having a distorted perception of what that something means and then having that bend in their favor. Right. Exactly. There's just like so many points of evidence. I do that with all my relationships.

I mean, how many people think that they're the victim? How many people are just running around thinking the world's against them? Total victim in my relationships. Yeah. So that's just evidence of biased thinking. If you have biased thinking in regards to the way that the God of gods wants to govern humanity and our behavior and how we should behave with each other and treat each other, if you're going to let your own personal ego and biases get in the way, which it absolutely did there's there's shit written in the bible that treats women as second-class citizens

it condones slavery there's no there's no like talking about slavery as if it's some horrible thing that has to be like banished right this can like there's in the ancient hebrew bible they condone slavery they there's there's really nothing bad about having slaves. It's like God doesn't come and kill you, but God will kill you if you wear two different types of cloth. I know. Like they'll burn witches. Like, you know what?

You're a witch. Why? Because I said you're a witch. But you know what's not evil? Slaves. Yeah, the Inquisition. Capturing people. The Inquisition.

During the Inquisition, they werenisition the during the inquisition they weren't torturing people because they had slaves right because they thought they were witches they were torturing people because they just didn't believe enough yeah it didn't believe in a way yeah yeah yeah or they caught you doing something or if you wanted to get rid of somebody that say somebody had a job that you wanted a position that you wanted if you could prove that that person like slandered god or blasphemed or anything yeah then you're out that's the standard maneuver right yeah oh yeah you get the government to get rid of this person for you that's how you get shit like north korea and that's how you get shit like isis you know you you just everybody turning on

everybody everybody trying to figure out a way that they can use their power but that's what's kind of happening in america too a little bit yeah yeah there's an article in the i think it was the new yorker just like two days ago the senator um was it a senator who wrote it? I just read an article last night. It's a Republican senator. And he said when Obama was president, the Republicans made a concerted effort to just push the Republican agenda and make Obama a one-term president. Trump has hijacked their party, they're kind of turning a blind eye to things that they wouldn't have if Obama was president. Just because Trump is the Republican candidate. Huh. And he's like, where are our loyalties to our party or to this country? Because we're kind of like fucking up the country, you know.

fucking up the country you know and it's kind it's kind of like like when obama was president you know no matter what you think of him like if if he if he was a good president right say he's a good president because he's not your person you're gonna shut down the things that he's doing to get your party in power like you don't give a fuck right because all you care about is your party winning like like and now that trump is president the democrats are taking the same thing from the same book and i'm not even saying trump is a good president but i'm just saying everybody's turning on everybody yeah they're all trying to figure out a way to win so they get their agenda forward and that's not the country's agenda. No. At all. So we're destroying. We're destroying each other.

Well, there's definitely like a battle between the two sides right now. You know, I mean, there's a lot of people that are getting excited by it. They take. They have not just a vested interest in it, but it becomes like a part of their identity to be a part of the resistance. Right. Fighting, fighting against this evil empire. But at the detriment of like say but maybe not i mean it really depends because like when you put a tremendous amount of pressure on someone like they're putting on trump whether you agree with it or not it forces that person to realize that

there's people like that out there and you adjust accordingly it moves the tide a couple degrees one way or the other. It just does. The idea that we're not culturally malleable, that our culture doesn't shift back and forth, it certainly does. Things that used to be totally acceptable are now completely taboo. And that's just over the course of the last decade or so. So I think that even the far left, it's all necessary. It just doesn't seem necessary because we're caught up in it and we can see if we just meet in the middle somewhere, it can all be. But if you just looked at this thing objectively, like not like a human being even.

Right. Look at it like a mathematic problem. Right. Like if you could see human culture, you would say, oh, well, there's this complete constant shift of energy. It goes left and right and left and right like some crazy ping pong game. Occasionally it goes right and then right again. Very rarely like Reagan and then Bush Senior, but then it bounces itself out and goes left again.

It's this weird battle. And along the way, if you look at it, like if you really step away from it along the way there are incremental changes that are moving in a good direction it's just hard to see them because there's a lot of bad shit happening yeah i get that and then we only hear about the stuff the bad stuff because like each side is just trying to get points right from the other side. But I'm just saying that when one party, no matter what party, is trying to do something good, even if it's something good, then the people from the other party are going to be against it because they don't want that party to score that good point. So then they knock that off the table.

And that thing that could help people is never going to help people. I think it's also a part of having two teams. I think if there was way more teams, if there was like 20 or 30 different parties, we'd be way better off. Think we'd be better off? Yeah. Politicians are spread across 20 or 30 different parties instead of jammed into one or the other. Or the freaks that are independent or a green party. Like, get the fuck out of here with your Green Party.

It's goofy. Right? No one's going to elect a Green Party president. All the bankers are going to put a stop to that. This guy's just going to steal money from us. Fuck this. He's going to give it to penguins and shit. You know what I mean?

He's going to give all money to penguins. Yeah, so you got really three choices. You got independent, which is so rare. The only person I could think ever winning as an independent right now, honestly, would be someone like Trump or like Elon Musk or like Mark Cuban. Yeah. Trump is basically an independent who hijacked the Republican party. Well, he's,

he voted Democrat like his whole life. He was pro-choice like his whole life. You know, it's like he's, he's been on the side of a democratic issues forever. Right. I mean, I saw the video where he said, I saw the video, right?

The day before, I saw it twice. The last time I saw it was the day before the election where he said, if I was going to run, I would run as a Republican because Republicans are stupid and blah, blah, blah. I saw that video, like him being interviewed. I tell you the next day that shit was scrubbed from the internet and then if i tell people i saw that video they say nah you're crazy it was just like so he really had it taken down yeah man dude that's like some l ron hubbard type shit l ron hubbard uh was quoted as saying that if you really want to make money you should start a religion then he started scient Scientology. Wasn't bullshit. He was telling the truth. They got so much real estate right now.

You should have saw it coming. You should have saw it coming. Yeah, he's a fascinating character, man. I mean, obviously, there's a tremendous amount of issues with him not telling the truth. That might be the biggest problem. The number one biggest problem

might be the lying, that we can't trust him. That is so crazy that you have a president that just lies all the time. But if you step away from the lying part and you look at what he's doing, what's interesting is this is, I don't know too much about the Affordable Care Act or Obamacare, but I do know that a whole lot of people who voted against it are now voting against repealing

it. So it either means one of two things. Right. It means Trump's plan is so bad that the people who hated Obamacare are like, this is even worse. Right. Or it's a bunch of people that just don't like Trump. And even though they didn't want Obamacare in the first place, no matter what Trump comes

up with, they're going to be like, fuck you. Right. We're going to fight against that, which maybe there's a few other. It could be this or could be that. But those two, to me, are pretty fascinating. That's like childish shit. Yeah, the whole shit is childish. I just feel like everybody's just going after everybody.

And when you spend your time going after people to remove them from their position, what are you doing for the people when you're going after like uh your own selfish gain you're spending your entire time in office trying to get one step up well he's got a lot of steps up that was that's not just him but the you know everybody else under him plus him trying now he's trying to stay up he has to spend his day fighting shit right right instead of solving shit yeah he's well he fights people on twitter and he fights people on twitter he's the president of the world right when you're president united states you're kind of the president of the world like you you might not be running these other

countries but everybody knows this is the country that has all the fucking bombs and it's crazy enough to use them right so this is the president of the arguably the greatest army the world's ever known that's the commander in chief right there. He talks shit about people on Twitter. He talks shit about people having plastic surgery scars. It's hilarious. Like bleeding badly from a facelift. He's so New York.

He's so crazy. He's so New York. He's so crazy. It's hilarious. It's so crazy. And people are so angry. And I get it. I get it.

I get everybody being angry. I get it. It's not what I'm saying. It's so crazy. And people are so angry. And I get it. I get it. I get everybody being angry. I get it. It's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying it is. The whole thing is so surreal. It's like everybody wanted change. And then when change came, you're like, no, no, no. This change is making money.

Right. No, no, no. We don't want that. This guy's stealing money. Like he's going to make billions of dollars. Like what the fuck is he doing? Where's his tax returns? Show me the tax returns but i think what's going to come out of it is that there's so many people now that are

politically motivated there's so many people that are looking at this whole thing going whoa whoa whoa you can't just sit back and just let this happen then you get someone who doesn't tell the truth as the president and that you know how bad that fucks up kids? Right. When you're looking at like the highest level of human being in the country, like if every kid says, Billy, what do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be the president. Yeah, that's the issue.

Yeah. Like, damn, you want to be the president? You don't even want to be the vice president? You want to be the command? You want to be the number one guy? That's an ambitious kid right there. It's so possible. Yeah. But it's also like if the guy who's want to be the number one guy? That's an ambitious kid right there. It's so possible. Yeah.

But it's also like if the guy who's the guy at the top of the list isn't better than people that you know, like he's petty, he's petty, he goofs on people that just don't like his policies. He'll talk shit about like their plastic surgery. Right. A guy with fake hair is talking about people bleeding from plastic surgery oh but it's just like the whole hurt your feelings thing the lash out and hurt your feelings thing like that's what he's trying to do he's trying to hurt their

feelings like someone just needs to like sit him down and just i think they tried he he ain't listening he's doing this his way i know he is because he won but he won that way so he's like that's how i won my base likes that gotta let that go once you get in you gotta let that go because you have a you have a broader responsibility as the the head guy i think he's getting feedback that enough that he he has the amazing ability to ignore to ignore things that i wouldn't ignore and i think most people wouldn't ignore like like blowback like like i remember so this is what happened one one time i went to see a movie screening with kevin hart was in it with usher this is a long time ago and me and kev were

friends we used to hang out so we went to the screening and we sat there and we watched the movie and the movie was terrible so then after the movie i'm gonna see kev so my worry is like what the fuck am i gonna tell this guy because I can't lie to him about this movie. And before I said anything, he looked at me and said, man, that movie was bad, but I was great. And you know what? He was right. He was good in the movie. So he brushed off like how bad the movie was and found something.

This motherfucker, Trump bad and found something. This motherfucker Trump can find something like he could. He'll hear what he needs to hear from whatever he's done. There's probably enough people, if it's even one or a few million that likes his tweets. Like we only see the people that hate his tweets. Right. Oh, there's a lot of people that like his tweets. They all have American flags in their avatars. Yeah. So he's going to go for that.

They have like eagles and Dobermans and American flags and guns. There was the, what is the recent, he gave some recent speech where I felt was really interesting.

Oh, the cop thing. No, no, no. No? That was a good one too. But I think it was today where he was talking about unemployment being down, how the economy is up, and all these different factors. And they were talking about unemployment being down, how the economy is up, and all these different factors.

And they were talking about how no one mentions it. And then I went to CNN, and I was like, yeah, they're not even mentioning that. He's giving this speech, and he's saying all these. How much should that be the number one story? What's the number one story when you go to CNN? Go to the front page of CNN. What do we got here? What does it say? Highest stock market ever. Best economic numbers in years. number one story when you go to cnn go to the front page of cnn what do we got here what does

it say highest stock market ever best economic numbers in years unemployment lowest in 17 years wages rising border secure yeah but when is that true well i don't know if that's true i don't know if it's probably true right but these were the same things that were happening when obama was president and he used to shit on it he used to say it's not rising enough the unemployed the unemployment level should still be lower or like when they put out the job gains or whatever they call that shit technically he would say that's not enough growth so there's a way to shit on everything. But look at all this. Like, look at what they show on CNN. Like, right away, you see on the top, Trump weighed in on Sun's misleading claim, breaking news.

So you got a negative Trump ad. No inaccuracy in Donald Trump's junior statements about 2016 meeting with Russians, White House says. White House comments on Donald Trump junior statements. Timeline of... So none of that has anything to do with unemployment being down or the economy being up. And this is like the front page of CNN.

It's all negative. Yeah, they're going after him for sure. But this is not good. It's not good to do that. Like, you're not giving all the news. You gotta give the news. Like, he does plenty of stupid shit that you can cover right you're not a short of stupid shit but when good shit happens like when the economy is up when unemployment is down you probably should be reporting that

it seems like that's news but all right so if it's true so if it's true right So if it's true, right? Okay. You know you have a powerful Twitter. Your name is Trump. Right. And you know, listen, you know the game by now, right? Right. So you know if you tweet about some woman's plastic surgery, they're going to go in on you. Yeah. And that's what's going to be on CNN.

But that's not CNN. She was MSN you. Yeah. And that's what's going to be on CNN. But that's not CNN. She was MSNBC. Right. But it's going to be on every news. All the media outlets that are not in favor of you are going to put that. Right. Everyone except Fox. Everyone except Fox.

So it's like, stop putting shit that people can use to cover up and use instead of the employment unemployment stuff being down you know what i mean like stop giving people ammo against you right you know what i mean stop giving them information negative stuff that they can put on the front of their website instead of unemployment numbers going down yeah but there's no way they're gonna stop that as long as there's stories like that like donald jr secretly meeting with the russians and not telling people and then releasing the emails and then saying you know all that stuff and then it turns out that trump was the one who coordinated the statement about it and like all that's like it's never gonna stop that's my thing it's like he's fucking up yeah He's fucking up. Yeah. He's fucking up.

But here's the thing. You got to write the good stuff too. Yeah, yeah. You have to have right news. Yeah. I mean, I feel like if I'm going to trust you for the news, I would like to think as a person who leans very left, I would like to think that CNN is going to be better than right-wing propaganda websites. Well, how can they not be?

That's very disappointing. It's very disappointing. You can have both things. I don't trust none of them. I don't trust the left news or the right. Because you know why? Why? Because when Obama was president,

or just in presidents before, like, a lot of shit was phony and false. Right. You know what I mean? Right. Like, they just did a... Here's a funny thing. So they just did a study

of like body cams on cops right they just did a study and they said from the study they see that cops treat black people that they pull over worse than they treat white people it's like motherfucker we've been trying to tell you that but now it's only official when white people did the study they're like they're like you know what this thing is true but motherfucker we've been trying to tell you that shit is true for a long time but that's just a part of it's like you're not covering anything that doesn't serve you you know what i mean you're not you're not covering anything that doesn't serve you anyway yeah but they're news they're not cops i can understand like cops being racist that i get that

but if you're if you're the news source like you have to just distribute the news you can't selectively decide what people can and can't hear or you have to focus on you have to just distribute the news you can't selectively decide what people can and can't hear or you have to focus on you have to and you should but they never have well they should they never they should but they just never have well you know it's just more obvious now what's really fucked up that it isn't really getting nearly as much press as i think it should get or people haven't really been talking about that much is how many people were concentrating on that white lady from australia who got shot unnecessarily by the cop right because she was a white lady from australia right that look no matter what you say what that is is an i mean

obviously it's a tragic accident because she was the one that called the cops and then they shot her but you know how many times they've done that to other people? But that's my whole point. It's like, like the news serves, remember we was talking about the scrolls and how you can't, if you found the scrolls, you can't help but make a story that is in your favor. Right.

Like, I forgot the exact words you used, but it's just because like your perception is going to come through in this thing to me that's how the news has been all my life like whoever owns the news makes news in their favor that's always has been since william randolph hearst used to have hearst publications yeah so that to me the news has always been even if it was like slightly

inaccurate before it's just been growingly not accurate. Yeah, but that drives people fucking crazy. It does. And it should. Because when I was a kid, like a stupid little kid, and I was watching the news. How stupid were you when you were a kid? Just stupid enough to think, like, when somebody's telling me what's going on in the world, I'm like, the news is God. So you thought that it

was all real that was yeah like like just like not just like a kid that's like you don't know any better right but how do these people know everything they're telling you everything so you're kind of getting programmed to believe this shit so people are getting programmed to believe fox msnbc uh cnn and they don't know better. And they're getting angry based on what they're being told. And we're not being told everything. We're not being told everything like you're saying. They're not showing both sides. Right.

Or everything. There's no reason for the people who own the news to be fair. That's true. They just have to get people to pay attention. They just want to get people to get... So their thing is, how do I make money right gotta be outrageous it gotta be outrageous we gotta we gotta even now we gotta follow this russia story and we gotta make money this is a soul proper this is game of thrones going on on fucking tv this is like when katrina they milk

the shit out of katrina and any, and they're just milking this. Like, why is everything coming out like, all right, so there was a meeting. So then there was email. So then, like, it's almost as if somebody wrote a script and went, today we're going to give you this part of it. Today we're going to give you this part of it. Right. It's like it's unfolding like a TV show, keeping people's interest. In a lot of ways, it is like that House of Cards show. Yeah, it's like House of C like a TV show keeping people's interest in a lot of

ways it is like that house of cards show yeah it's like house of cards yeah yeah and almost even less believable like everybody was like in the house of cards spoiler alert I can't even say I don't want to say what happens but there's there's some moments on the show where people go well that would never happen that's not who would get elected. Like, look at what the fuck is happening. The president's daughter is always behind him with a giant smile on her face every time he says anything. And she's clapping today.

It's like he's got his kids in there. His kids are running shit. And his kids are supposed to be running his company. He's supposed to be away from his company. But that's not. He won't even show his tax returns. The whole thing is so gangster. It's so Putin-esque.

It's really fascinating. And now, with this thing that's going on with Russia, I mean, who knows? That might be just nonsense. They might just be posturing with each other. Meanwhile, they're doing deals behind the scenes. Like, I'll tell you what I'm going to do, bro. This is what I'm going to do, bro.

I'm going to kick the delegates out. I'm going to get pissed. I'm going to get pissed. And meanwhile, they're making some crazy deal to tap into the oil in Antarctica or some shit. Right. They're kicking the delegates out i'm gonna get pissed i'm gonna get pissed and meanwhile they're making some crazy deal to like tap into the oil in the antarctica or some shit right like they're kicking the delegates out maybe maybe maybe to look like to look like hey i'm not on if i was a friend of trump i wouldn't kick these delegates out exactly maybe right why would i kick the diplomats out yeah yeah if i'm working with them yeah come on man yeah like yeah they're just going

back and forth yeah it's all so strange it's just so strange that people could still rock it like that like you still could be a dictator in 2017 that is one of the last remaining like archaic jobs like the one dude running everything guy with a giant army everybody keep it together keep it together you can have a safe life right keep it together don't fucking push me just give me a little money right does it hurt you to give me a little money you can't give me 30 of your money come on man give me 50 of your money it's not that big a deal i mean that's that's what a lot of countries are stuck in right now you know and in russia the crazy thing is if it doesn't go well for you they just take your company they have these multi-billionaire oligarchs they just lock these

dudes up lock them up take their company confiscate it just throw them in a jail cell keep them there for a few years and they'll let them out dude i was watching this one documentary about this russian guy who was uh and he was at first he was working with trump and somehow or another he disagreed with trump not trump rather dude that's like that's some freud shit uh he was uh working with i'm trying to remember the full story but he had some sort of a business arrangement with putin and then he tried to change it or he didn't want to accept new terms or whatever. They just locked his ass up. He opposed something that Putin wanted to do. Sorry, dude. Yeah. Sorry, dude. He complained. He protested. Sorry, dude. They put

some charges on him. Yeah. They put some charges on him, threw him in jail. And who knows, man, they might look, if you get to be some crazy Multi billionaire dude in Russia. They probably don't even let you in there unless you've done some fucked up shit with them They probably listen dude like you know you got good to drink vodka. Yeah, put it with us come on I mean even on the lowest level You have to get jumped into a gang and you gotta commit a crime Yeah to be a part of the gang. So they got to see you do some dirt to see you get it. If a gang would do that, why wouldn't a bunch of billionaires who have way more to protect make you do some dirt with them?

Do some dirt and also show that you're crazy enough to be down with them. Yeah, I like you, but I need to know if you're loyal You know what Ari told me they made his dad do in the Israeli army What you raise a kitten you raise it you take care of it by yourself You pet it and then when it gets to like a year old you got to kill it in front of them with your bare hands Shit, grab it snap its neck Just to show that you can do that. I was like, whoa. What part of the game is that? I was like, whoa.

Just to show that you can shut it off. Like, you've got that ability to just shut it off. Like, you have this cat, you love it. You're going to kill that thing with your hands. Well, if you could do that, if they make you do that in the army, why, you have to get co-signed to get into billionaire club yeah you got to kill people like you think what do they do with like guys like jeff bezos that

amazon guy you ever see the photos of him it's hilarious the photo of him like when he first started out like 12 years ago i've heard about this i haven't seen it dorky and then you look at him now he looks like a fucking assassin he. He's got sunglasses on. He's walking aggressive. He's on TRT. TRT. Hilarious. He's got like a girl on each side of him or something like that. I'm sure.

I mean, how much is he worth now? Look at him. He looks like a killer. Oh, shit. He literally looks like a guy. That's the hitman I just hired. That was like a former navy seal that's coming over to give you advice on how to secure your corporation you know like he would

show up at apple and uh hire a bunch of hitmen that's him now is that what that is he's a pretty fit guy yeah now he is yeah but he seems like a fit guy like he works out. See, well there was an, but there was a before and after picture. Oh man, goofy, goofy town.

Okay. Yeah, he was a little goofy but look man, he figured out how to dominate online sales. I use Amazon.com

all the time. There's like him and The Rock and Vin Diesel. All three of them. Kicks some ass. The Rock was at the fights this weekend

you give him a hug it's like hugging a tree damn it's like a big tree I wonder how much that dude weighs too big Rock too big bro

he's in the 250 range for sure yeah for sure he's gigantic like you don't realize how big he is until you give him a hug

big old friendly guy but that guy gets bombarded man he can't go anywhere without taking pictures of people they just they don't give a fuck if you're talking to them they get in between you they put their they pop their head up they hold their camera up it's ridiculous like people just they don't give a fuck about decorum or being friendly no no i'm getting this fucking picture with The Rock. It's my one chance.

Yeah, they just swoop in, man. Anything for the gram, man. But it's weird. It's like all your normal etiquette goes out the window. Like The Rock was sitting over there talking to Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson, pound for pound best fighter in the world. And they're talking back and forth and having a good time. And this dude just swoops in between them

and pops up. And he's like, can I get a picture, bro? Can I get a picture, bro? And, you know, you see The Rock is always being friendly. He's amazing at staying friendly. But, you know,

he's like, God damn. Can't even talk to the champ. Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, he wants the followers. He wants to...

Yeah. I guess he's a nice guy. He's a real nice guy. He's a real nice guy. He's a real nice guy. But that's giant. You're done, bro. Finished. No, it needs to get bigger.

Nah, man. You think he's done? Yeah. You think he's stopped lifting? Yeah. It's a project, right? If it's a sculpture, it's done. Where is he trying to go after this?

Like, what's left? Well, he's trying to stay jacked. And he's like 48 or some shit. How old is The Rock? I would say he's about 48. He can take a week off. No, no, no. You can't. That's the thing.

45. So he's 45 and he's jacked. Just ready. Jacked. I mean, he's jacked. He wants to keep that. And there's's only one way you got to do what he does that motherfucker's up every day he does these uh he'll make these videos when he shows up in places in like germany he's got to film some fucking movie he's there at five o'clock

in the morning they already have an elliptical machine in his uh in his uh in his bed in his well in his hotel room he'll get like a suite so they'll set up this elliptical machine in his uh in his bed in his well in his hotel room he'll get like a suite so they set up this elliptical machine in his suite and he's out there banging it out at five o'clock in the morning doing an hour of cardio i know him and uh kevin hart videos bug me to make you feel lazy just up working out i don't doing they've done more by 7 a.m than i'm gonna do all day yeah it's rude and they're trying to motivate people like hey man trying to sleep over here bro scroll up scroll up a little bit there the one on the far right hand side with him pulling that rowing machine right above that one that's uh doing some rows that dude's gigantic That's a gigantic person.

Poor roaring machine. Does not deserve this. Yeah, but if you want to put these things up and get how many millions of views, how many million views does that have? 5,639,898 views. Of him showing off. Of him just doing polls. We get it.

You wake up in the morning. But he's motivating people. Sometimes, like, you'll be sitting at home and feeling like a lazy bitch. Like, I just want to chill today. I don't feel like working out. And you go see The Rock. He's got chains wrapped around his neck. He's doing chin-ups and dips.

Pulling tires. Screaming. Yeah, hitting tires with missiles. Yeah, it's weird. He's a crazy man. But those are the dudes that, like, you need to know that, like, as hard as you think you're working, drop one down from there, that one with the other one.

I saw that one with Jay. Yeah, look at that. Right there. You need to know, as hard as you think you're working, you're not working that hard. I know. Look at that. Guys, jacked. need to know as hard as you think you're working you're not working that hard i know it's look at that guys jacked so if you if you think you've done everything you can to be prosperous in this life and you need to go to the rocks instagram and shut your fucking hippie mouth and they'll

fuck your day up they'll fuck your day up this is what you didn't do today and i know people like well hey man i read a book today okay hey man i've been writing poetry all day hey man i've been writing songs okay okay but have you put the same amount of effort into being whatever you want as the rock has done in being the ultimate meathead whenever it's hilarious. Ultimate meathead. Look at this. Look at that. Look at the bar. It's got a chain. Chains on the side.

Do you know why you have chains? It makes the end of the rep harder. Jesus. Because as you lift the chains up off the ground, less of the chain is being supported by the ground, so it gets heavier and heavier as you lift your hands up higher. That's called hardcore, bro. I don't know if you boys are aware of how hardcore hardcore can get.

That's how hardcore. That's how hardcore! Listen, when I want to feel bad about my day, I just go to The Rock's Instagram. It's a good move. I'll be like, shit, what's going on with this guy? For that new movie, Rampage, he has this guy's going to be a gorilla. Oh, wow. Oh, so he's got one of those suits on that maps his movement?

Video game suits. Isn't that weird that they still can't completely just fake it? They have to have a dude move around. They're getting close. I mean, that HoloLens stuff that we were talking about yesterday, they're just going to be able to wear those and see pretty much what they're going to, like the final CGI rendering. They can just act with that

stuff soon it's amazing what you know like uh i watched a game of thrones first episode and you know that that boat's not real they don't really have that giant massive crazy looking boat cutting through the ocean that's not a real boat but god damn it looks like a real boat yeah that shit was crazy that attack was fucking don't say nothing yeah don't say nothing but you're looking at these boats i mean the the just the cgi it's just for a television show yeah they spend millions i guess it's like worth it for spend film money on those episodes oh yeah each one is millions yeah yeah but I guess it's worth it, right? Because that thing will sell forever. Yeah, I like it.

If it goes down today, like, it's also timeless. Like, Game of Thrones is timeless. Like, that'll be worth a shitload of money 10 years from now. You know, it's like The Sopranos is timeless, too. Right. You know? Sopranos is timeless. Like, if The Sopranos, like, if you wanted to start watching The Sopranos today, it would

be a great show. Yeah, it's like the Godfather TV Timeless, but it's better than the Godfather. Yeah This Italians all over the country screaming at me The Godfather is the greatest fucking movie the Godfather is an amazing movie don't get me wrong, but it's limited by its Format it's limited by the fact that it's a movie. Even though you get Godfather 1 and 2, Sopranos was on for, like, what, five years?

Five years of episodes? The depth that they can get into, all the crazy shit that they could do, it's just so different than any other movie or than any other form of media. Yeah, they could go off and talk about a gay member of the goddamn gang. They could do anything. They could go off and talk about a gay member of the goddamn gang. They could do anything. His affair with his psychiatrist.

Anything. Remember they killed that dude with a pool cue? Showed a pool cue up his ass? The gay guy? The whole thing was weird. It was like you're getting deep into the lives of these strange characters and sociopaths and you kind of understand their angst.

Because you start rooting for them. Yeah. Even in the Americans, they're Russian, but you start rooting for them. You don't want them to get caught. Wow. And it's a time piece. Now I know you really are from another country. Maybe, maybe.

But if you watch it, watch a few episodes and see if you don't start rooting for the Russians. This is how I picture the show. Because it's safe now. Perfect. You find out five minutes into the show that they're Russian spies. FBI kicks the door down. A bunch of white guys, guns blazing, pointed at them. They immediately ship them to Guantanamo Bay.

And then put the house for sale. Yeah. The house goes for sale and they make a profit off the house spy house the spy house i wonder if they did a scan of the spy house find out if they scan the spy house to find out what kind of spy they got because you know russia's not going to just let you have a spy house by yourself and you're having parties and we've called the other day to check in we saw barbecue you having barbecue or are you working as spy? Which one? Which one?

Can't be both. You're turning American. Is it barbecue time or spy time? You fuck! Get to spying. Yeah, so they probably like, they got to be spying on the spies for sure. Yeah. They're not going to trust some spy to just move to New Jersey, have a good time, start doing coke.

They know you could get turned oh for sure why wouldn't you get turned over here you could like do whatever the fuck you want most people most people are not gonna kill you right you know you don't have to but then you're they know you're there so they'll just send somebody you won't even know who the person is it'll be like some la fem nikita chick comes over your house selling vacuums or something you open the door she shoots you in the dick right could be i just don't understand why they would use that strategy like they hire someone to pretend to be american fly them across the world set them up go get information in Montclair you gotta watch the Americans man it works yeah what information yeah that's my they are so I know what this

is so said said there's the FBI all right so the husband puts on a disguise and starts dating the secretary of the director of the FBI. Whoa. So the husband, is he a real husband? They're married, right? They were paired together. Right. They had two kids together in America. For real?

Well, not in the show. In the show? In the show. They had two kids together in America. They run a travel agency. And then... On top of that, they in the show. In the show. In the show. They had two kids together in America. They run a travel agency. And then... On top of that, they're both spies. On top of that, they're both spies.

So the travel agency... So he gets to bang other chicks? Like, baby, I got to do this. And she gets to bang other dudes. God damn strong. Like, if there's a target... I like it. If there's a target that they can get to emotionally,

then they just do what they got to do. And then sometimes they come home and he's like did you fuck him whoa I did duty for Russia yeah meanwhile both of them are falling in and out of love and getting jealous

oh my god and then sometimes they like the people that they have to kill or like dispose of. Sounds like a good fucking show. Yeah, man. It's so intricate. Damn.

And then one of their, a neighbor just moved in and he works for the FBI. So then their kids go over to his house and his kids come over to their house. And he doesn't know that they're Russian spies. He's had hunches before. Whoa. So it's just, it's a crazy fucking show man damn as good better or not as good as house of cards i say better than house of cards oh my goodness oh my goodness i don't even know now i know you're a foreigner you're some kind of uh an agent yourself i told you i was a foreigner. You're some kind of an agent yourself.

I told you I was a foreigner. Yeah, but now I know for real. But I'm American foreigner. As he pours his tea. Jesus Christ. Who the fuck are you? Everything is a crime. I'm pouring tea.

Who are you? You don't even drink coffee. You're barely American, bro. I know. I know. You have the full foreign package man you're into soccer yeah yeah do you ever call soccer football when no no americans around uh do you do you like i say it when they're around sometimes do you really but i just say soccer just so people know

what i'm talking about right yeah that's what i was thinking you probably say football when you're around other people yeah if i'm talking to somebody from sometimes i'm talking about. Right. That's what I was thinking. You probably say football when you're around other people. Yeah. If I'm talking to somebody from, sometimes I'm talking to a friend from England and I'll say soccer. And they'll get mad at you. Nah. I mean, some people have disappointed. They'll correct it,

but, but it won't, but it won't be a sticking point in the conversation. It's a sticking point in America, right? So you just stick with soccer. Yeah. Yeah.

You've never said football to me But I always suspected He's so into that game I know he uses the proper terminology when I'm not around Yeah, like someone say you want to play billiards, I'll let it slide And that's pool right yeah, not really not really Yeah. Yeah. Like someone will say you want to play billiards and I'll let it slide. Okay. All right. And that's pool, right? Yeah. Not really.

Not really. No. Pocket billiards is pool. Right. Billiards is a game that you play with no, there's no holes in the table. You ever see that game? I think so. There's like, there's like things in the table.

No, there's, well, there's an Italian version of it where they play, they have these little pins. You're thinking a bumper pool, I think. Maybe. But three cushion billiards is a very strange game where and that used to be the premier game by the way oh yeah back like in the willy hoppy days like way way way back in the you know i guess probably the turn of the century the turn of the 20th century they had thousands of pool halls and billiard halls in new york city but pool halls like where there's a hole in the table and the ball has to fall into the hole those were thought to be the that's the game of ruffians and like dirt bags gentlemen played billiards they played

three cushion billiards now it's actually uh a part of the scene in the movie The Hustler with Paul Newman and Jackie Gleason. Paul Newman goes over this dude's house. I forget the gentleman's name, but he's a very famous actor. It's a great, great scene. And they're supposed to gamble because this guy's a big fish and he has this big mansion and Paul Newman is this hustler. He goes over to the guy's mansion and the guy doesn't have a pool table he has a billiards table and the uh the the mob guy who's backing paul newman on the bet doesn't believe that he could beat this guy and so they have to figure out like what to do because it's totally different game but it was the game of gentlemen three cushion billiards is a game where it's you have to hit a ball and then your ball has to go three cushions. That means bounce into three rails, and then come back and hit the other ball.

It's really crazy. It's an interesting game because it's all about angles. You ever played it? Yeah, I've played it. But it's hard to do. You have to really understand. There's a lot of factors that come into play. Here it is right here.

This is the actual game. I've seen you do shit like that when you play pool. Yeah No, I do. I mean I definitely move the ball around and I understand some angles But like this stuff like what this guy's doing right here This this is like super complicated stuff to be able to do you win this thing? You just get a point every time you get three cushions like see how he's doing this right here he's doing that it bounced off the rail it hits that and then it's going to hit the other one like doing stuff like that on purpose i mean they're doing it on purpose is very difficult to do like you to really understand how i mean sometimes you're going

four and five and even six rails to make something do what you wanted to do because that was the only option you had with the position of the ball on the table relative to the position of the ball you're trying to hit if you have to go three rails. So you see like these crazy, tricky shots that these guys do where they're calculating the ball going three rails, hitting another ball and then going two rails and then hitting a third ball. It's like crazy. It's like the way they do it is amazing.

It's really amazing. How many balls are on the table like it's three balls three balls three balls yeah it's uh really it's it's fascinating i never got into it because i would imagine that it would become addictive just like pool's addictive and i don't have the time i just can't be fucking with some new thing to get addicted to yeah especially when you're gonna start start, you know, checking out some soccer. I feel you. Yeah. Isn't it weird, though, how they do this? See, he's going to hit that and it's going to bounce up and hit the other one. And they're planning this out. That's what's interesting. And the guys who are real good at it, a lot of times it translates very good into pool,

too. It seems like it would. Yeah. Well, they figure out how to uh move the ball better than other people like there's a guy named efren reyes and he's widely considered to be probably the best pool player of all time and he plays this game really good he plays this game really good and he plays another game uh that the filipinos like to play called rotation and rotation is a game like, you know how you play nine ball? You shoot one through nine. You got to shoot the balls in order. Rotation, they do that with 15 balls. What?

Yeah. Filipinos are some of the best players in the world. Oh, right. And it's interesting because the game of billiards, pocket billiards, I should say, I guess regular billiards too, got brought to them during World War II when they had American GIs would be in the Philippines. Apparently during the war when people would go over there, they would set up pool tables and GIs would go to bars

and they figured out how to play pool. And it became a great thing for the Filipinos who love gambling. They love gambling. So they would just play pool and gamble all the time. So some of the best players in the world have come out of the Philippines. Manila has some of the best players ever. The top

guys like that guy Efren Reyes, he's from the Philippines. Francisco Bustamante, one of the best of all time, he's from the Philippines. You can keep going on and on and on and on. There's a whole gang of these dudes, little tiny killers. So never play pool against a Filipino. That's what I'm learning.

They're real quiet, real friendly. They'll smash you. Damn. Yeah, some of the best players in the world. It's just a huge sport over there. It's on television all the time over there. Pool is like the first video game. How's that? Because it's a pool and billiards

it's like a table and you go into a bar and it's there you put money in there and you start playing it before there were graphics or programs or anything it's just it's just a game it's like the first game you could play without before video games you know what i mean i know what you're saying yeah it was like an arcade game like darts yeah and darts yeah they would play i think i think they started calling it pool i know actually they started calling it pool because it was a gambling thing the thing was that they would pool their money together and bet on stuff. And that's how pool got its bad name versus billiards. But like darts, they must bet on darts, right? Yeah, people bet on darts, yeah.

Darts is a big sport in England. Huge. It's on TV. I saw it on TV. I saw snooker. Yeah, snooker. Snooker. Snooker, they call it.

They get mad at you. Snooker is pool or something else? Snooker is a totally different game. And it on a giant table oh yeah the a pool a pool table is nine by four and a half which means four and a half foot wide nine foot long that's a real legit pool table there's also 10 by fives 10 by five pool tables are just starting to make a comeback there's a company called diamond and they make a 10 by 5 now it's a big deal because like the real high-end players like the extra space of the 10 by 5 they think it makes you play a better game but snooker's 12 feet jesus yeah it's 12 by 6 it's a giant fucking table and these dudes have a tiny little ball it's a tiny ass little ball it's way smaller than a pool ball. And the holes are really tiny.

And the cut of the rails is very different. Like you can kind of rattle a ball into a pool table hole. It'll kind of drop in. But you have to hit, like this is a snooker table. That's a soccer field. Look at the size of this fucking table. Now this is Ronnie O'Sullivan, who is one of the greatest of all time. And he's a fucking wizard.

And this is the greatest game of snooker ever, it's called, because he does everything perfect, and he shoots his whole rack perfect. But snooker is a totally different game. Like, see how the snooker, rather, that goes in there, a snooker, he shot the ball in, and then the ball comes back up again. Comes back up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the black ball. Oh.

Every time he shoots the black ball. So there's no scratching? No, you can scratch. I just don't know the game. I don't understand the game. Right. But there's a bunch of points and all these different things that you're doing. But see how he knocks that black ball in?

After the black ball goes in, the guy pulls it out, and he puts it back in the spot. And then he has to shoot one of the reds again. And then after he shoots the red, then he goes and shoots the black again. And every time he's doing it, see that stack of balls? He's trying to collide into those balls to open them up. And if he can open them up, then he can get it to a place where he can separate those balls and make them all. So watch.

He's going to make this red ball, and then he's going to pound up. Now he's at an angle with that black ball. So as he shoots that black ball in, he's going into those other balls Bing see that all right see now again I don't know this game very well, but I understand pool, so I see what he's doing with those balls I knew he was gonna do that so now he's just gonna pocket these balls in the side But you're dealing with the tiniest little fucking hole and they have tiny little tips on their pool cues it's like you know it's sort of like a pool cue but it's all they're all made of ash which is very different than ash yeah ash wood whereas um uh most american pool cues that at

least the shafts are made out of maple like there's a lot of weird variables like ash is very stiff but also very light so their game is very different but it's also very similar he's also thinking very fast oh he's a wizard yeah this guy's a super genius but like i wouldn't have taken my second shot yet i know he's like clearing the table he's doing this every day you gotta realize but you gotta think he's also um extremely wealthy because of this game this is not a game like american pool. This is a game more akin to golf in terms of purses and how much money these guys can make. At least it was at one point in time.

I think somehow or another it's dried up. I think Snooker doesn't have the same respect that it used to have. There's been also a few controversies in England where guys got busted talking to people about fixing games. Oh, yeah. And that gets ugly. That old man is like the ball boy in tennis.

Exactly. It's like grabbing the ball out the hole and putting it on the table. But he does it with gloves on like a gentleman. Actually, the gloves have a purpose.

Oh, yeah. The gloves are so your hand oils don't get on the ball because the balls are made out of what's called phenolic. It's like a type of called phenolic it's like a

type of i think it's like a composite plastic um and they're super hard like if you touch those balls that are out there on that table they're super hard and they used to make them with either clay or ivory back way way back in the day yeah they a lot of times they made the cue ball with ivory and then the other balls would be made out of clay, or sometimes everything would be made out of clay. But they were like these dead balls that were really tough to move around. And then when they figured out this phenolic stuff, you're dealing with these things that get super slick. So the greases from your hands, if you touch a ball, the oils on your hands will actually put a residue on the ball and it'll

affect the way the ball moves throw the game off yeah so if you see dudes touching cue balls and balls and you're playing pool like anybody who really knows how to play is gonna go that's gonna fuck everything up you're gonna put your gloves on yeah or put a towel on and wipe them down yeah some like serious games they'll wipe every ball down uh after every rack in regular pool yeah like guys guys that are gambling they want that ball to respond a very particular way right like because you get this when you think about what pool is right you're taking a cue the average weight of a cue is about 19 ounces so it's a very light thing it's a little over a pound and you're taking this thing and just by how hard you're hitting,

you're trying to control the revolutions of a ball. And also those revolutions after it collides with a ball and knocks it into a hole. And then you're trying to control the revolutions, like literally within inches. And you get a feel after you do it for a while. You play for hours and hours, especially after years and years of playing.

You get this feel where the guy like that guy Efron Reyes that I was talking about, he could just put that ball wherever the fuck he wants it. It goes wherever he wants it. He makes a ball. The ball goes wherever he wants it. And you watch him play. It's like you're watching an art form. If you know how hard it is to play the way that guy plays.

I know. I suck so bad. I know it's if you know how hard it is to play the way that guy plays i know i suck so bad i know it's hard to play see the thing about sucking so bad though is maybe you don't even appreciate how crazy it is what he's doing i do play a little bit then you watch him you just go god like the people that really appreciate a guy like efren reyes or earl strickland for that matter or any of these like world champion players the people who really appreciate him are people that have played for a while. You know how you say you don't have the time to learn billiards? Yeah. It's like the times I played pool or you play against somebody good or you watch somebody play, you're like, yeah, that takes a lot of practice.

I don't have the time to get that good. Yeah. Yeah. There's only so many hours in a day, man. Yeah. You want to play golf? Go play golf. You good. Yeah. Yeah. There's only so many hours in a day, man. Yeah. You want to play golf? Go play golf. You crazy?

Yeah. If you want to start golf today, you must have like just extra time coming out of your ass. Right. That's like a nine-hour commitment. Yeah.

You got to join a country club? I know a dude who just joined a country club that costs a quarter of a million dollars a year. How often is he going? That's what I'm saying what it costs a quarter of a million dollars a year it costs that and then you have to pay money when you go i'm sure you have to eat there you have to get equipment unless everything's

free other than that you just go there and it's all free but that doesn't make sense i'm gonna open up a country club i think they just that's what we were talking about, like the billionaire ballers club. If you're a billionaire baller, a quarter million bucks ain't shit. It's like if someone says, hey, Ian, we want you to join the Comedians Union. It's $25 a year. You're like, what's 25 bucks? Yeah, here you go. 25 bucks.

And if you're a super baller, $250,000 a year. It's like, I'm going to be there. You're going there. You're going to run into other billionaires. You're going to do business. Yes. And you're going to make that money back. Yes.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's worth it in spades. It's a business move. And you're insulated because everybody there is a baller. Right. Right?

You're only around people who can afford a $250,000 a year membership to this shithole. And the people that work there, they just want to keep their job. Yeah. They probably, this probably pays good. So they're just, hey, what do you want? Here's your order. Leave you alone. You know what I don't get?

People that want to live on golf courses that don't play golf. Oh, for real? Yeah, like, hold on. You don't play golf and you want to live on a golf course? It does look beautiful. It does look beautiful until some drunk assholes are playing golf right outside your bedroom. There are people that live on golf courses. Oh, yeah.

Where? Dude, everywhere. There's a lot of these places. They're like gated communities that are on golf courses. It's super common. It's like the ultimate I'm a baller statement. You have a gated community that's a golf course, and you're a member of it.

There's a place out here. It's called Lake Sherwood. Oh, yeah? Lake Sherwood Country Club. It's amazing. You go there you're a member of it. There's a place out here. It's called Lake Sherwood. Oh, yeah? Lake Sherwood Country Club. It's amazing. You go there. There's these beautiful houses, this amazing golf course. Just everyone's so white.

It's incredible. It's hilarious. And they actually have their own lake. There's a lake out there. You can go bass fishing in it. Oh, word. Yeah, they have, like, largemouth bass in this lake. Yeah, and it's um

it's a beautiful community and these people have these houses that are like on a golf course if it costs just a quarter of a mil to be a part of a golf club how much does it cost to have a house probably place you live in exorbitant amounts on the golf course millions millions dollars for sure i mean it's a wealthy community but i think that's when you get those sort of ceo dudes they start moving into that like upper echelon of finance and cash they uh they want to be surrounded by people just like them and just keep it's like us wanting to be around other comedians yeah because i don't have any civilian friends really all all comedians yeah right now like i've been in it so long like not funny we call it civilians people get mad at that by the way they are but people get

mad at it like that you like use military terms yeah that's what they are man sorry that's funny thing. That term, like, as soon as you say it to a comic, they know what it is. Even if you've never used it around them before and they get it. But, yeah. Yeah, they don't understand true debauchery. Yeah. Like, you think you get it.

You need to hang out with atheist Ari Shaffir in Amsterdam for a week. You don't understand what the fuck is really going on yeah like when I remember when I'm around like a friend from high school and I say something even if the person that they just introduced me to laughed they said you gotta excuse him he's a comedian like none of my comedian friends would ever say no shit like that right like try to lie like make an excuse for something that they feel uncomfortable about that i said you know where that comes from where human resources that comes from like office rules

you want to keep that job you got to keep your behavior in check you can't be yourself right i mean how many people just live out there under a vice just a vice of just repression right can't laugh around can't joke around about shit yeah and i take that for granted because what i do i can say whatever i want sometimes i think i'm not saying enough based on the other people that are saying shit to me yeah i mean imagine if you're in an office with 50 people and you hate 10 of them and one of them's your boss right oh and there's a bunch of attention seeking dipshits in the staff taking credit for other people's work you can't say anything oh oh just go home and complain to your wife they live in hell yeah or your husband or whatever so many people live in hell how many people live in hell like that just stuck all day with dipshits saying dumb things but that's why people listen to your podcast

like it's there it's like when you watch a like somebody on t you watch a james bond movie and he's doing things that you can't do, just having a podcast where you say whatever the fuck you want. Right. And just living. People live, you're in an office, you get to live through you. You know what I mean? Through your podcast. It's a lot of pressure. Nah, just keep doing

what you're regularly doing. It's a lot of pressure. I'm feeling pressured. Gotta be careful. All that pressure. Yeah. That's all that pressure yeah and that's why you know that's why that's partly why trump is so popular because he's the first president to just talk shit like it's truly a powerful thing like first when you're the powerful man most powerful man in the world you're censored but this is the first uncensored most powerful man in the world you're censored but this is the first uncensored most powerful man in the world he's truly exuding his power yeah on a don't give a fuck level

well he gives a little bit of a fuck but not enough of a fuck to change yeah he only gives a fuck if he gets dinged a little bit but he's he never he doesn't pull back he just he swats back defensively yeah in a way that a listener would want to swat back defensively at work. Yeah. But still can't because they have Trump seems so less worried about his job and more like I'm just going to be me. And that's or when Chappelle quit the Chappelle show, like a lot of people found freedom in that. That's why he's so mythical oh for sure yeah yeah yeah that's a good point like a lot of people make 50 million dollars

but how many people you know turn down 50 million dollars there's fewer of those yeah you know just one just one yeah and he also didn't do stand-up in any scheduled performance for years. He just would show up places. Yeah, and he still does that. So he just uses that. I'm going to show up at this place. Yeah. And then they put out an email or however.

He just shows up. I told you about when I was in Denver. Oh, yeah, yeah. He just showed up. Yeah. I go to the green room. Dave's in there. I go, what are you doing, man?

Hey, Joe Rogan. Yeah, that's his way, way I guess of just being free free yeah do it whenever the only thing that he has scheduled is the Radio City thing and that's because I guess it's Radio City you have to schedule what does he do he's like does a regular show there he's gonna do he did it a few years ago now he's gonna do like maybe a week and a half or two weeks of shows there and he's gonna have guests on it like musical guests comics some days i like it yes that's amazing gonna have a comics ball party that's a great idea yeah that's a great idea wow yeah i mean he he does represent what we all consider to be like the highest standard of a real comic artist right you know and when uh

you get together with a group of comedians and you look at like who's like doing it the right way right i mean there's other ways to do it that are really like more commercially successful like maybe louis is more commercially successful in terms of like constantly chasing it down but dave is just also has that mythical quality to it as well like you were talking about turning down the 50 million that's that has a big uh factor in how we look at it too that's his biggest tv credit yeah it's turning down turning down yeah and also like walking away from the greatest sketch show the world's ever known right that is still to me in my eyes the greatest sketch show of all time yeah i had a lot of funny ass shit on there oh as far as like hit or miss right it's the best ever

right like you can't compare like saturday night live has some great sketches but there's a lot of turds in there too yeah mostly turds yeah just over the accumulation of years yeah it's got a lot of bullshit and that's also because of the format i mean they're trying to come up with a new show every week it's brutal it's you know it's also like like when i was talking to phil hartman when he had just come from saturday night live and he was on news radio he was talking about how competitive it is there yeah it is backstabby yeah this is like infighting and all this and everyone's fighting to get their stuff on the air like oh i was like i don't and they don't care if it's the best or

funny like where i could backstab somebody with a good sketch to get my okay sketch on so i get some some time some shine fuck it that's well listen if you look at all the people that have been on siren live right how many of them you're like that guy was on siren live there's a lot yeah there's a lot there's a lot of siren live used to be holy shit it's dan akroyd right it's gilda radner it's john belushi it was people that were just chevy chase people that were giant because they were on saturday night live if you were on saturday night live you fucking made it man right now it's maybe what one out of ten that you even know who the fuck they are after they leave yeah there's a lot of like ex-saturday night live people how about Daryl Hammond?

Daryl Hammond was on Saturday Night Live for a long fucking time. But if you come up to the average person and say, and he's a funny comic. Right. Do you remember Daryl from New York? Yeah, I remember Daryl. He was a funny guy, man, before Saturday Night Live. But it didn't translate into like big movies or a lot of stuff. You know?

And that guy was really good. Right. I mean, he was in some really good sketches. Tim Meadows. Whatever happened to Tim Meadows? He's doing stand up and he gets jobs, but he's not big like he was when he's on SNL. There was a time, right? I know.

There was a time when him and Pharoah were kind of like neck and neck. Yeah. They both leave SNL. What happened? He was in like a couple of duds yeah what's that one cool guy movie he was in oh yeah ladies man ladies man that one killed it yeah like snl is like a record deal it's like when you get out you drop your first album yeah if it doesn't hit it's a wrap show business be stone cold yeah look at him man ladies man

he was funny in this movie too and that was his character on SNL right which means it's not even his movie like Lauren gets the

he gets all the movies like you create a character on SNL it's like oh bitch that's my movie like you can't just do it on your own.

And then you get cut loose, and then it's like, well, good luck. I mean, how many of them are there? How many, like, really successful comedians have come from SNL versus how many have been on? Right. Probably crazy numbers, right? Yeah, here's the list of almost everyone that's ever been on it i think whoa it's a lot of people oh it even keeps going oh well there's probably hundreds of people forever there's guys like chris katan he's doing stand-up now yeah i forgot al franken was on it

oh shit yeah he's a he's a senator now yeah and he. People want him to run for president. Joe Piscopo. Joe Piscopo. That's right. He was the Jersey guy. I'm from Jersey. Are you from Jersey? I'm from Jersey. Where's Rachel Dratch?

She was talented. She was killing it. Garrett Morris. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of them, man. You forget. Janine Garofalo was on SNL?

Oh, shit. I didn't know that. I totally forgot that. That's right. Gilbert Gottfried. Dennis Miller. Oh, Gilbert Gottfried. Molly Shannon. Whatever happened to Molly Shannon? I know.. I totally forgot that. That's right. Gilbert Gottfried. Dennis Miller. Oh, Gilbert Gottfried. Molly Shannon.

Whatever happened to Molly Shannon? I know. She was huge on there. She was huge off of there. Remember? She had a bunch of movies. Yeah. What happened to her?

I think one of the movies bombed. She had like two and they bombed. That's all it takes. They're done with you. Death. I didn't know Sarah Silverman was on SNL. Yeah, she was for a little bit. I don't know anything.

I really barely, barely barely barely pay attention but yeah that's uh i mean if you look at like all-time sketch shows i mean snl had to do a live one every week they had to do all new material every week do it from studio audience do it live on television a lot of imped impediments. But as far as overall quality, best one ever, Chappelle Show. Chappelle. You know what number two might be in Living Color? Yeah. People forgot about it in Living Color.

Yeah, that was hilarious. And also shocking. Came out the gate swinging. Shocking. Yeah, shocking, yeah. Handyman? They had a handicapped superhero? What?

You couldn't do that today, ever. Yeah, you couldn't do that today. Fire Marshal Bill? Get the fuck out of here. You can't do that today ever you couldn't do that fire marshal bill get the fuck out of here you can't do that oh man that's that's that's just timing when i think about that time it's just timing it's like uh king's gonna do a sketch show he's at the comedy store his brother's there fucking jim carrey's there yeah dav. David Adam Greer's around free. Killers. And you're just killers, like just waiting for a shot.

And they all get together. David, what's his name? Skinny guy, Tommy Davidson. Tommy Davidson, yeah. All this talent just needing a shot. And a fly girl. Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez. Wow.

And the other Puerto Rican leader of the Fly Girls. I forgot her name right now. Rosie Perez? Rosie Perez. Like, look how much shit came out of that show. Crazy. Even afterwards, Jamie Foxx came on. Yeah.

Careers that are still going, man. And then there was MADtv, where you'd watch MAD tv would be on like season 10 you'd be like that show's still on here what the fuck but mad tv had a bunch of great sketches too people just forgot yeah they had really good innovative sketches too and that was like when people were comparing uh inside amy schumer like a lot of the shows they were saying a lot of the episodes they were saying were ripped off they thought were ripped off from Mad TV. But part of that is because you run out of premises. Like didn't the Simpsons, like South Park always used to joke around about like Simpsons.

They had episodes called Simpsons already did it. Yeah. Because the Simpsons did everything. Yeah. You're stealing from yourself because you got new writers. Yeah. There's like, since it's been on what, 20 years? Maybe longer?

South Park's been on 20 years now. So somebody who's been writing. I think the Simpsons were on in the 80s. Yeah, they might have been. It's close to 30 years for sure. Yeah. So somebody who's been writing on the Simpsons five years, just five years, which is a long time, can come up with a premise that was did in year 10 of the simpsons and not know

yeah and everybody there they might have forgot and just fuck it let's do it yeah it doesn't matter as long as you can do it yeah right it's like yeah no one's i mean there's got to be someone but no one can probably recall every episode of the simpsons all right that's i'm probably wrong there's probably some real super fans out there that can do it. I'm sure. You do. There you go. Jamie's like, I've got dinks in my blood.

Not me, but I know people that can. Yeah. No, for sure. Yeah, it seems like you get to a certain number of episodes of things. For sure, they've covered virtually at least close to every subject. But maybe not you know but the thing about cartoons though is that you could just do anything this it's so much more beautiful in terms of like what you can get away with kill people they come back to life next week you don't have to explain

it right you know like south park can do anything they could do any and their animation is so crude and simple they can whack together a show in a matter of minutes yeah they can do any and their animation is so crude and simple they can whack together a show in a matter of minutes yeah they can something happened today they can put a show up tomorrow they literally could yeah i mean i'm sure they're such a well-oiled machine yeah they are and then i think those guys work ethic is just insane yeah yeah they're trey parker guys off the charts yeah they got rock work ethic yeah like they're in their brain yeah with their brain yeah i wonder what that's about like what keeps a person going that hard for so long i don't like because it can't be the money i wonder i mean it's got to be the creativity it's just got to be like just seeing the finished

product but they're also like like, very socially responsible. You know, like, they'll shit on people when things go bad in the news. Right. And they'll come after people. Right. You know? I like that about them.

I do, too. Yeah, man. Well, that Carl Smencia, Kanye West, fish sticks episode, like, Jesus Christ. And that was when he was on Comedy Central. It was like, whoa. They went hard. And Team America, World Police, they he was on Comedy Central. It was like, whoa. They went hard. And Team America, World Police, they do that on the side.

Like, what? Yeah, and the Book of Mormon. Yeah. Yeah, just. Just super creative guys. Yeah, man. Makes you feel lazy? Yeah.

There's a lot of people out there apparently make me feel lazy. Your schedule. Yeah. You keep going. Like, how the fuck is he doing this shit coffee coffee gotta have coffee some deep-seated desire to figure things out i don't know i wonder i like to do a lot of shit that's not work related to leaning more towards doing more of that lately yeah i think that after a certain at a certain point in time, I can't keep doing three things. Can't keep working for the UFC,

doing a podcast, and doing stand-up. I'm going to have to chop it down to two or one. Someday, it'll be just stand-up. Occasionally. Occasional stand-up.

Occasional stand-up. Yeah. I mean, you get to a certain point. I mean, do you want to just, I don't know, I guess stand up. I don't really have a burnout feeling because I always create new stuff every couple of years.

And it's always about putting it together. But I mean, how many more years are you going to want to do that? So what's your ultimate later on future goal? Let's say even five years from now. What do you think would make you happy doing? That's of the problem i don't have any goals i have zero goals this is my goal do the best stand-up i could do try to do the best podcast i can do do the best job when i'm doing commentary just do the best i could do while i'm doing it enjoy it that's simple enough yeah that's it i don't really have like uh you know I want to make X amount of money or do this amount.

I don't. I just don't want it to suck. Right. My whole motivation is don't put anything that sucks. Put out things that people enjoy. Figure out a way to make it enjoyable. Put all your effort into it. Because I know that if I don't do that, I will feel like shit.

Right. That if I don't do that, I will feel like shit. Right. I know if I like have a show that's not so good and we've all had those or a podcast is not so good. I've definitely had those. It just don't, it does not feel good. Right. They don't always come out perfect.

There's no way around that. Right. Especially like when we're doing these live shows, man. Live shows have so many variables. The time of the show, how tired the audience is how tired you are how you've been traveling are you sick right you know um there's so many things that can affect like how your performance comes out even if you like consciously try to pump yourself up i've had some bad shows when i when i wasn't feeling good that's hard right when you just don't have the energy or the feeling in the bits the same because you're feeling sick.

But, you know, bad shows help you get better shows. Oh, yeah. That's what they're for. You know, they're like, all right, you didn't do this. Do this next time. Didn't do that. Work on that. You know, just.

Also the sick feeling. Right. Of like, I don't like a really good show. I don't even like a show that's like, that was pretty good. I don't even like that. Like if it's like, that was pretty good. I was like, ugh. Are we talking stand up?

Why isn't it better? Yeah. I'm always like, why isn't it better? Why isn't it like my best show ever? My last show might've been my best one ever. Why isn't this one my new best one ever? Different audience, different place, venue. I know, but I mean, that's, i think that's my motivation that's what keeps me

going like trying to figure out how to way to and then also trying to figure out uh what to do with my material like should i be writing more stuff here so i just be honing this down like how do i approach should i toss some of this aside and throw some new stuff in there and then bring it back and you know it's constantly trying to you know like when you're creating something like when you created your cd don't you get that feeling sort of where you're like okay i gotta kind of engineer this a little but i also gotta kind of like let it be itself right right like i just i'm i'm like that kind of before i start doing a joke. Like if I'm doing a joke and I'm like, or if I think of a joke, like my elimination process of what I should or shouldn't do starts before I

start doing the joke. So the joke fits into my criteria, then I start doing it. So then I'm not wasting time. I don't feel like I'm wasting time from the beginning. Like I think creatively, like I try to do the things that I really like to talk about. So then I don't have to worry about later on looking at the whole thing as much and saying, I got to lose this and I got to lose that. Right. So so I start early so then the things that I'm talking about I'm already feeling them right it's just sometimes when you hold on to things a long time

and you're doing them for a long time you don't feel it anymore then you don't feel it anymore and the audience tells you you're not feeling it anymore based on the reaction you're getting now and from when the reaction you used to get and you could feel that thing getting tired that's why i always say that stand-up is in some sort of a mass hypnosis it's very similar it's not like no someone's tricking you or telling you what to do or gonna get you to quit smoking not in that way but when a guy's on stage like if i'm in the back of the room and i'm watching you and you're killing one of the things that's really funny is I start thinking the way you're thinking. When you crack a joke about something, it's like I'm in your groove. I'm letting you do all the thinking for me.

Like if you watch a really good comic, like if I'm watching you, if I'm in the back of the room and I'm watching you, I don't have any – I just let you do all the thinking. Because I know you know what you're doing. I know you're going to take it down a funny place. It's going to be great. Here we go. You just let it happen.

But the moment that you don't trust that person anymore, the moment they fuck up or something goes weird and the spell gets broken, you know? And then you're like, oh, that guy just fucked up that joke. This joke sucks now. This joke's not good. I'm not going to let him think for me anymore. Oh, this subject's terrible.

Oh, this subject's terrible oh the subject's just gross i was just trying to get noises out of me now you know yeah you gotta earn the audience's trust to let you co-pilot the evening 100 and take over yeah and just relax and listen to you and you could tank it and you bring it back that's possible too as long as you're like real honest about what's happening yeah yeah like when i was just in montreal we did a show before so we have a you know your warm-up show so we're going to tape the lol thing and so they give you a warm-up show so i started so you have eight minutes and there's other comics on the show. So in the first, I don't even know what jokes I'm going to do for the LOL thing.

Cause everybody's like, what is the LOL thing? It's like Kevin Hart's new network. Oh, okay. And then you're going to do it, an eight minute segment on it. It's a network? Yeah, it's a network. What's he going to put it on? I think it's on the internet.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So there's a whole like internet channel and it's all comedy so he's doing scripted he's taping like stand-up shows with a host and there's people who have half an hour on it so i just went to do like an eight minute segment and during the warm-up show some chick was just talking in the beginning of my set and talking to you or just talking talk to a girlfriend ooh so then the first joke went well but then I have to stop and say are you gonna shut the fuck up ooh and we should you know what I'm gonna have you kicked out and nobody in the club moved and she said no you're

not what yeah she said no you're not i said all right we'll see we're gonna have you kicked out and i said who's running this shit and this is the eight this is the i only have eight minutes right and i got to get back on track she said no you're not several times wow so she thought she could just talk yeah she could talk and you know what the club did not kick her out you still do your whole set with her sitting there yeah but i got them back on track because they did want her to shut up and she did shut up but the defiance i've never and then some con canadian comic later on was like you know what you should write the club because we have this problem in the club every time but if you write a letter to the owner and tell them they never have security

here what club is this it was a comedy nest oh in montreal montreal yeah i've been in that spot before does the comedy work still there the little tiny spot i think it's still there that place amazing yeah it's like a place upstairs yeah it's just like a little fucking room a hot box dude it's like 80 people yeah like maybe i did a one man show in there like two years ago i did like an hour in there it's fucking amazing yeah montreal's an interesting place you know it's a funny thing too like during the festival it's like uh it becomes like this uh really intense environment for comedians a lot of of pressure. People go there to be seen. They go there to make deals. People get development deals and shit from Montreal.

It's a weird thing. You've got to go to another country. Go into a country that doesn't even speak English. I mean, in Quebec, they would speak French. A country that refuses to speak English. Well, that one section. But it is kind of like visiting another land it doesn't feel like like if you go to toronto it might as well be detroit or something i mean it's a nice city but i mean a little nicer than detroit i guess sorry detroit

people get mad what detroit's amazing come on bro but okay let's say chicago might as well be chicago might as well be i mean it's just another big city it doesn't feel like you're in another world right if you go to montreal you feel like you might as well be. I mean, it's just another big city. It doesn't feel like you're in another world. Right. If you go to Montreal, you feel like you might as well be in Europe. Yeah, because people start instantly talking to you in French. Yeah. And then they realize you don't know any French and then start talking English without a French accent. Yeah. Like, how do you know another language?

How do you know? I get you knowing another language, but how do you do it without an accent? Yeah. How do you do it that good? How do you sound straight up English, speaking English? How do you sound straight up French without the English interruption in your French accent? It's crazy. How do you?

Yeah. How do you? Good switch. Yeah, I haven't been to Montreal in a while, man. I was there for a UFC maybe a year ago or so. I need to get back up there. Yeah, the women are beautiful there, man. It's an amazing place.

It's an amazing place. Cold as fuck in the winter. Yeah, I don't fuck with it in the winter. I used to do winters up there. Yeah. I could headline. I've done shows up there in the winter, but it's like in and out. They do shows, black shows at this club called club soda yeah i know

club soda i used to work there yeah it was dope yeah that was a nice that was a nice room there's a nice spot yeah that's whenever i used to do the festival i used to club soda i did with ari oh shit yeah club soda is great man i did um i did uh the comedy from the danger zone with dom herrera there from showtime and from club soda too taped way back in the day yeah way back in the day dom herrera and i met in montreal montreal's a great festival man it's like we call it like a comedy summer camp you know for comics like yeah talk about just all the comics pretty much in the same hotel or spread out throughout a few hotels and you're just hanging out yeah laughing having fun in the lobby everybody goes off to their shows some people come to your

shows yeah you're just you're just having fun man you're working how many days does it go uh it starts like two weeks yeah it's almost two weeks. Cause they start like the ethnic show and some other shows a week ahead. Of course. But then last week was like the last week was like the last, like the full, full on, like regular week. The last week is. Yeah. Yeah.

It's um, there's not another one. They tried to do a couple other ones. They used to have an Aspen one, which is really good. I shut down. You know why? Cause those fucking executives, they would just go skiing all day. They used to have an Aspen one, which is really good. Yeah, that shut down. Yeah, you know why? Because those fucking executives, they would just go skiing all day. They didn't really want to watch the shows.

Right. They'd go to the shows and be tired as fuck because there's no air and they've been skiing all day. Yeah. You know? You ever been to Aspen other than that?

Yeah, and I caught the flu up there. The worst flu I ever had. At the festival? Yeah, because it was going around. Oh, man. And I was sick and I had to tape a TV show and I mustered up enough energy to do the taping. And then I just slept in bed for like two days.

Whoa. And then I had to check out of my hotel at 11, but my flight wasn't till like seven. Oh, shit. So I'm like the worst flu ever that I've ever had. And you had to fly with it. I had to fly with it. And when I checked out, this flu ever that I've ever had. And you had to fly with it. I had to fly with it. And when I checked out, this is how bad I was. When I checked out at 11, the guy looked at me and I told him that my flight was at 7.

He's like, I'm going to give you a room so you could sleep in. Oh, wow. Until your flight. That saved my life. Wow. And I just laid down for like maybe three hours. Did it help? It helped.

It helped me enough to have enough energy to just, and then you're at the airport and I think the flight got delayed. So now I'm like in the airport, worst flu ever for like two hours. When your immune system is compromised like that too, it's amazing how little energy you have. Yeah. Like when people don't, that's like a cliche that health is the most important thing. You're like, fuck up, bitch.

Money's the most important thing. Right. Get the fuck out of here with your health i'll be coughing counting my cash feeling great not true health is everything if you just feel a little shitty just a little shitty it markedly changes the way you look at life if you cut your thumb right that changes your whole day it could right especially if it gets infected yeah that changes your whole if you stub your toe and that shit hurts it changed like any little thing could change your whole day like health wise stopping your toe don't be a bitch bro nah but you know like like you know like like some type of hurt or you yeah or just something any injury like a headache yeah changes everything yep yeah and um surgery yeah and my buddy's wife got rotator cuff surgery just fucked up for weeks apparently just ah can't put your

shirt on ah agony i was like oh no that doesn't sound good yeah anytime something goes wrong but i think like overall health and wellness is so fucking important yeah for sure it's so important it's like there's so many people out there that just don't take care of their meat wagon you gotta you gotta take care of your meat vehicle you have to you just and what's really crazy to me like people that i know that don't take care of their body and then they talk about being depressed it's like what did you think you think you just pour shit down your hole and you would feel good right like just no sleeping tons of cigarettes tons of booze and you thought you'd feel good right you're shocked i don't know why i feel sick you don't i just been feeling like

shit lately doing the same thing over and over again. Taking drugs. Wow. It's hilarious. Did you see What the Health? I watched a doctor's response to What the Health. Okay. I would see that. I watched this because I heard it was like some crazy vegan propaganda.

It's not based on science at all. They're trying to say that fat causes diabetes and fat gets clogged up and doctors that have looked at it there's been a ton of debunkers online that have looked at it they say this is pseudoscience this is not real like definitely a vegan diet can be healthy and definitely taking a lot of vegetables can be really good for you and definitely uh it's good to have nutrient-rich foods right whether it's fresh vegetables or whatever you want to eat. And you could absolutely, if you're careful and you're smart about your saturated fats and unsaturated fats and, you know, especially essential fatty acids and things like that, you could live a very healthy life as a vegan. Just do it right.

But these guys lie. No, I think they went a little overboard. They didn't just, you don't just, what it is is a vegan proselytizing, like doc. It's like you, what you're trying to do is get people to sign up for veganism by scaring the shit out of them with lies.

And you're saying things like, uh, saturated fats and all these, these things clog up in your arteries and that causes diabetes. That's not true. Like in this what the health. What? It's the same guys that made Cowspiracy that came in here.

Yes, exactly. And they were wrong about that too when they came in here. They were talking about how many acres it takes for a cow to graze and all the negative aspects. There's absolutely negative aspects when it comes to animal agriculture. And I think it's super important to be honest about those negative aspects even it comes to animal agriculture and i think it's super important to be honest about those negative aspects even when criticizing it you can't exaggerate it to make your case look better because the actual facts are disturbing enough right like especially factory farming when it comes to like cows and shit and and and pigs it's disturbing to see them

all stacked up in there like that it's disturbing disturbing to see those rivers of shit where people run these pig farms. And the shit comes. I mean, they filmed it with a drone at one of these giant commercial places. It's fucking disturbing. And that is straight up fact. That's enough. That's enough.

There's a ton of actual facts that are disturbing. And as soon as you have these doctors that are just bullshit artists that are saying all these things that aren't supported by science. And when this one doctor goes over all the different things and what the health that are incorrect, you kind of understand what it is. They mean well, I'm sure they mean well. They're trying to get people to quit eating processed meat, which is a very good idea. Processed food is fucking terrible for you. you Whether it's food with a lot of preservatives meats with a lot of preservatives all that stuff is definitely 100% not good for you

But that doesn't mean that grass-fed beef is bad for you because it's not all right It doesn't mean that you can't have a healthy diet with salmon and fish You know like different kinds of ocean fish Scallops and use that as your primary protein source, and then vegetables, and have like a super healthy diet. Because you will. You will have a super healthy diet. And, you know, there's a lot of arguments to avoid dairy. I think a lot of it depends on the individual. A lot of good arguments, right? A lot of really good arguments. Really good arguments in terms of your immune system, inflammation. There's a lot of really

good arguments to avoid processed sugar. There's a lot of really good arguments to avoid processed sugar There's a lot of really good arguments But I think it's like we were talking about earlier when you were talking about if you found those those Scrolls in Qumran you would kind of like well, this is what it's saying saying I get all the bitches All right, you know you need to figure out a way to lean it towards you Well, these people are clearly on team vegan, which is great And it's fine the way to be on team vegan and do it right is be healthy be nice and be honest be honest yeah be honest

because it's good enough yeah yeah and you're gonna get plenty of those there's a lot of those out there no no i don't want to discredit them and there's a lot of uh there's a lot of crazy vegans too that are just gonna get mad at you and they just decided now that they're vegan to just attack everyone who's not vegan i've seen those too but that's just humans right that's just that's just human shit yeah human shit so i mean i know um a ton of people that are very happy being vegan and you're one of them right right you know and i fuck with you all the time about it but you're a healthy dude you've always been healthy you know you but you do it right yeah i mean i've done it wrong like i've been an unhealthy vegan like right now i gotta stop fucking with sodium what's wrong with sodium like just high

blood pressure wise that doesn't really happen that's not real no see that's another misconception the misconception about sodium is that sodium is somehow or another the cause of high blood pressure that was all put together by some bullshit-ass doctor. One doctor. Pull up the myth of sodium. This is crazy, this story, because so many people believe it. What causes high blood pressure? A lot of it's genetic.

Genetic? Yeah, genetic. It could be, you know. God damn it, Dad. Sedentary lifestyle. There's a lot of factors. Is it sedentary lifestyle? Yeah, you don't really work out.

Shaking up the salt myth. Here you go. Chris Kresher has actually been on the podcast before. An all-age of salt has been invested with a significance for exceeding that inherent in its natural properties. I don't know. Okay, that's a little wordy there. Single most harmful. Okay, here we go.

It's been referred to as the single most harmful substance in the food supply. But is salt really dangerous? New, new, new. Taking up the salt myth. Actually, this is not what I'm looking for. What I want you to do is just pull up the conspiracy about how one doctor

wrote some bullshit paper about sodium. You got that? Oh, this is from Scientific America. time to end the war on salt from scientific america the zealous uh drive by politicians to limit our salt intake has little basis in science it's all bullshit make that larger please my shitty this is so many art like how do we yeah but this is we know what's real and what's not yeah but this is like it started with there's like a very clear beginning for this.

There was a bullshit study that someone passed. And, you know, there's also been a ton of bullshit. There it is, 1904. French doctors reported that six of their subjects who had high blood pressure and known risk factor for heart disease were salt fiends. Worries escalated in the 1970s when Brookhaven National Laboratory's Louis Dahl claimed that he had unequivocal evidence that salt causes hypertension. He induced high blood pressure in rats by feeding them the human equivalent of 500 grams of sodium today, which is an insane amount. Today, the average American consumes 3.4 grams of sodium or 8.4 grams of salt a day. I'll scroll up a little there.

Dahl also discovered that the population tends to continue to be cited as strong evidence of a link between salt intake and high blood pressure. People living in countries with high salt consumption, such as Japan, also tend to have high blood pressure and more strokes. But as a paper pointed out several years later in American Journal of Hypertension, scientists had little luck finding such associations when they compared sodium intakes within populations, which suggested that genetics or other cultural factors might be the culprit. Anyway, this 1977 study affected the U.S. Senate Select Committee on Nutrition and Human Needs, and they released a report recommending that Americans cut their salt intake by 50 to 85 percent based largely on Dahl's work. So this one dick fuck ruined it for everybody that wants to put salt in your fries.

Like, you can get off that. But this is, salt is a mineral, and it's a natural part of like being a human being it's an essential mineral essential mineral it's like when you have endurance athletes and they go on these crazy runs and they do like a hundred miles they take salt right it's one of the things they replace it yeah they put salt in their body and it's in gatorade it is in gatorade a little bit but you know what the best version of it apparently, health-wise, is that Himalayan salt.

Himalayan, right. Because Himalayan salt has a bunch of like natural base minerals in it. They recommend you take a little bit of Himalayan salt, just drop a little bit in your water in the morning.

Put some lemon in there. Right. So I use that a little bit. But I think with vegan food, probably based on my genetics, because they try to make it taste a certain way, they might put a lot of fucking salt in there. Oh, okay. I see what you're saying.

But I could feel something like towards December in my body whenever I ate. So now that I've cut back and i like i'll cook more and i'll just eat places that have less salt because there's salt and shit but then some people over salt shit it also could be sugar you can be getting sugar i mean um what you should do honestly is i could send you to a guy um you should get some blood work done all right i did some did what they say it was it it was, the guy said salt. He said he took too much salt. But the guy's a fucking idiot.

Jesus Christ. You went to an idiot doctor. Why did he say you have too much salt? Did he find sodium in your blood? Like, what is he saying? Like, high blood pressure. Like, blood pressure was getting high. What a fucking asshole.

This, look, it's, they've proven there's not a connection. This idiot is telling you to cut back the salt how the fuck are you supposed to trust doctors when they're going by some shit that they went to school

with in 1980 that's my point you can't trust anybody everybody's thing is based on perception if a doctor's your age that motherfucker was in college

in the 80s right so what the fuck that's a long goddamn time ago so then he was taught the shit that you know 10 years after the 70s people were idiots they were monkeys they had fucking bell bottoms on What the fuck? That's a long goddamn time ago. So then he was taught the shit that, you know.

10 years after the 70s. People were idiots. There were monkeys. They had fucking bell bottoms on. People were barely out of the caves. Listen, if you- Like in the 1970s? Yeah. If you committed to be a doctor, right?

And you learned everything that you learned. Your whole identity is being based on what you know. Right. your whole identity is being based on what you know right so if some new new shit comes up or you find out that something that you were taught that's embedded in you is not true yeah then you're gonna fight that new truth and stick to the to the old way because that fucks with your identity right and who you are and how who people perceive you to be there's also like peripheral knowledge that people have. I'm guilty of this too. Everybody is, I guess.

But I'm guilty of it especially. You get a little peripheral knowledge of something and you think you understand what it is. I was talking to a scientist, an actual scientist, and I was talking about eggs. We were talking about, oh, that's got to be fun, growing your own chickens. And he goes, well, what about the cholesterol? Doesn't that

lead to high blood pressure? You're taking in all that cholesterol? I'm like, Jesus Christ. You're a fucking scientist. Don't you understand that dietary cholesterol barely even moves the needle on blood lipids? There's a lot of sedentary lifestyle, genetics. There's all sorts of factors. But chickens, like in eggs from chicken, they're not bad for you at all.

In fact, it's one of the healthiest foods you can eat if you're saying that chicken eggs are bad for you You're essentially saying that food is bad for you. You don't want to see what the hell's bad for you They they shit all over eggs. They're idiots. They shit all over a healthy grass-fed chicken or a Free-range chicken. It's wandering around look Google egg might be the perfect food there's an article about eggs might be the perfect food because eggs have a ton of nutrients in them and they're also essentially pretty ethical, like ethically free of any reservations. Chickens just lay eggs. You don't have to hurt them.

Are eggs really nature's perfect food? Rotten eggs, how a perfect food can go bad what is this is this the same article i don't think it is there's there's an article it doesn't matter there's an article that i read on how an egg is the perfect food if you can find that it explains like all the nutritional properties of an egg there's just so much shit from so many different sides. All I learned to do is just trust myself. So the doctor telling me this thing about salt, right? Fucking idiot. Was kind of like, all right, I could feel something wrong, right?

Right. I could feel something wrong. So that I honestly felt. So when he said too much salt, and then I know eating out a lot. Let me stop you. When you said you could feel something wrong, what are you talking about? What are you experiencing?

It's just a feeling like in my veins or in my... I could just feel... I pay attention to my body a lot. Alone, are you naked? What are you doing? No, you're just... After I ate, I could feel

something it wasn't and it and it was just just like this is not I'm not supposed to feel this way and this was just from

eating food mostly when I mostly after I ate I could feel it what if you just carve up a fat steak ribeye with that

fucking I don't want a steak I want some I want some elk I want some elk homie want some elk, homie. Would you eat it, though? Yeah, I told you I would. Okay.

All right. We'll cook for you. Because it's free range. That's truly free range. That's as free range as it gets. Yeah. The new place, when we have the new place set up, I'm going to have one of these yoder grills, like one of those pellet grills.

It'll be there. I'm going to be able to grill on the spot. We will document Ian Edwards' first meat consumption in how many years will it be? Over 10 for sure. Wow. Yeah, over 10 for sure. Over 10. Dude, you might go crazy.

You might become a hunter. Ian's going to be like shooting shit off the roof of his fucking house. It's hilarious. Yeah, it's- Free range people. This might be the egg thing. Is that it? Whole eggs are most-

That is it. Whole eggs are amongst the most, among the most nutritious foods on earth. And so, like, make that a little larger there so you can see. One egg contains vitamin B12, 9% of the RDA, vitamin B2, riboflavin, 15% of the RDA, vitamin A, 6%, vitamin B5, 7%, selenium, which is an important mineral, 22% of the RDA. Eggs also contain small amounts of almost every vitamin and mineral required by the human body, including calcium, iron, potassium, zinc, manganese, vitamin E, folate, and many more. vitamins, vitamin E, folate, and many more.

A large egg contains 77 calories with 6 grams of quality protein, 5 grams of fat, and trace amounts of carbohydrates. It's very important to realize that almost all the nutrients are contained in the yolk, while the white contains only protein. It's a fantastic food source. And here's the thing about eggs, man. It doesn't hurt the chickens. You're not hurting anything. You're not harming anything.

If you have free-range chickens, you could could just and i know a lot of people can't but you know what if people buy actual free-range chickens or buy free-range chicken eggs you're buying uh eggs from an animal that's just gonna lay eggs every day or every other day it's not they don't get hurt and if you could figure out a way, like the ideal thing would be like communities having like co-ops where you could grow your own vegetables. And you guys have like a chicken coop that everybody kind of helps take care of. And these chickens roam around and eat bugs and worms and all the stuff they're supposed to do. And then you eat those chicken eggs. And it's like you get animal protein, but you don't have to hurt anything.

Nothing has to die. And it's like you get animal protein, but you don't have to hurt anything. Nothing has to die. And if you're getting a free range, a truly free range chicken egg, it's super healthy. And to say anything otherwise, I have to stop. And now I can't watch your show. I can't watch your movie. I can't listen to you talk because you're not being honest.

Like no one's saying vegetables aren't honest or healthy, rather. Vegetables are super healthy. Beets are fantastic for you. Kale is amazing for you. Carrots, onions, all these different things that come out of the ground. Yams, sweet potatoes, all that stuff is fantastic for you. Nutrients, it's all important. That's real food.

But so is eggs. Nothing wrong with eating eggs. My issue was I was just being a bad vegan. Because you can be vegan and still eat a lot of crap yeah so and then like years of just eating crap is definitely going to affect you no matter like like when somebody says they're vegan like what are you eating because you could eat bad shit too oh yeah so i just needed to cut back on the bad shit you know what i mean yeah like stuff with sugar like you know you know the vegan ice creams and just a bunch of shit and so now i could i feel better it's like like the feeling that you were asking me about before it's almost like when you have a headache but your headache is in your

body and and most of the time i could correlate it with when i was eating and what i was eating so then now just like all right you've been eating some crap. Like I think sodium is good. Salt is good for you. But if you probably take too much, it is bad. Okay. But you wouldn't, let me stop you again. Because when you said, tell me you're getting blood work done, you're getting your blood work done to check to see if you have high blood pressure or you're not getting your blood work done where you're checking

nutritional levels. I think they were checking for everything. But did they tell you you need more vitamin B or vitamin D or B12 or anything like that? They took niacin. They never said anything like that? I got to call them. I got to call them. Okay.

A real, a doctor that's going to do a real nutritional profile of you is going to concentrate on your nutrient intake. He's going to look at like, tell you to eat normal and then come in and do some blood work and then maybe they do it again in like six weeks or something like that right and they're going to check a bunch of different things and check your your hormone levels uh active uh usable testosterone bunch of different things but what's really important is checking your vitamin levels right making sure that you really like there's this people have this weird idea that you get everything you need from your diet you might that you get everything you need from your

diet. You might. You might get everything you need from your diet. Depending on your diet. Depends on your diet. And also, it depends on whether or not you've checked. Most people haven't checked. You don't go to a doctor and check.

Go get yourself checked out. Find out like your nutrient levels. Find out what, maybe you need some vitamin D. Maybe you need some B12 or B6. Maybe they can find that your body's low on niacin, or maybe they think that consuming more essential fatty acids would be very good for you. But you can go to a really good doctor, a legit doctor, that goes over that stuff and is on the cutting edge of today's modern science,

and they can greatly enhance your ability to understand what impact your diet is having on your body. Because if you think you're eating healthy and then they do like a triglyceride count on you and they do your blood sugar count, like Sam Harris, a friend of mine, just started, he tried to be vegan for a little while. Right. And he got his blood work done like on a regular basis because he's a smart guy and wants to check his body out. And he was like he's like it's not good like there's too much sugar the glucose levels a bunch of

different factors i forget like what particularly it was but he had to switch to eating uh wild fish right so wild fish and then mostly vegan other than that cut out the dairy cut out the factory farming he figured it out yeah i mean i just think that there's a lot of bad in modern diets. There's a lot of bad in food consumption. We don't need to make stuff up. We need to find out who's telling the truth. And the doctor telling you that you need to cut your salt back, and that's what's giving you high blood pressure, that guy's an asshole. He's an asshole.

Whether he realizes he's an asshole or not he's not paying attention to the latest shit right he's some dude it's probably just like going to work he's just a doctor like trust me i don't trust doctors per se you know i'm saying yeah because a lot of them you know you know they're like everything else yeah they're like everything else it's like trusting a comedian to be funny. We all know some of them, they're just never going to happen. Exactly. And they call themselves comedians. Or even if they are funny, they're being hacky.

The audience doesn't know they got that shit from somewhere else. That true too? Yeah. There's a lot of hacky doctors out there. It's just bad doctors, man. There's a lot of really good ones too, though. Good ones too, yeah. There's really good ones.

Yeah, you just have to find them. How old's your doctor? He must have been like maybe around 50. Fuck him. I hope he's on a treadmill right now and he hears this. And he just starts Googling hypertension. I don't know if he looked like he took a treadmill. He doesn't Google?

No, I don't think he looked like he does treadmills. No? What is this? If you have high blood pressure, salt still matters. New research examines the sodium hypertension mystery. What is it saying? So if you have high blood pressure, salt matters? Receptor, the AT1R.

Okay, what does it say? ATR molecules in your cells and kidneys continuously. Where is this coming from, first of all? Cleveland Clinic. And is this an actual study? First of all, I don't like that doctor's face. Recently discovered a possible explanation. Team study the hormone angiotensin.

Angiotensin helps regulate your blood pressure when it binds to a receptor called AT1R and turns it on the AT1R molecules in the cells of your kidneys. Continuously regulate the levels of sodium in the blood. This relationship can be overactive in some people, which leads to high blood pressure. There's hope in the forms of a drug called AT1R blockers. True to their name, these drugs block angiotensin from binding with AT1R, thereby keeping blood pressure lower. To make these drugs even more effective, researchers want to understand the molecular structure of AT1R. Okay.

So this is still important. It's not a full-length or anything. It's not the number one thing. So it's not giving it to you, but if you have it, it may be a factor. Correct. So I wonder what their levels are they're talking about, though. thing so it's not giving it to you but if you have it it may be a factor correct so if you i wonder what their levels are they're talking about though so like when you're talking about the levels they did in that test when they were given into rats and you're giving them 500 grams a lot

of fucking rap yeah you could definitely die from eating that much salt yeah i think that we just need more transparency and honesty and it comes to what people actually know versus what they're claiming to know. You know, and when you're talking to a doctor that's giving you shit advice, like I've talked to a ton of doctors that say, like, you can get everything you want from the average American diet. There's no need to take vitamins. You pee them out.

That's straight up bullshit. I take vitamins. I take B. I take K. I take B12. If you take B12, you know you're probably not really vegan. Fuck it. I'm trying to be healthy. I get it. So I don't care where it comes from, just as long as it's a good sauce and I feel good.

Baby eyelids. Hey, man. Babies should have defended themselves better. Those babies are here for a purpose. Do you have a main staple that you say if you're at like what do you do you have like a main staple like uh that you like say if you're at home and you're cooking is there like a main thing you eat a lot like wild rice wild rice or quinoa pasta quinoa is great and uh quinoa quinoa is one of those rare plants that has like a full amino acid profile right yeah it's like quinoa and hemp and a

few other ones yeah there's there's a few of those uh like protein rich plants like like some plants that have good amount of protein in them i put hemp seeds in my that's great in my in my smoothies that's good and chia seeds chia seeds are great too yeah that also cleans your pipes out if you know what i'm saying whoa put kale in them you know so I you know do you use coconut oil at all yeah cook with it or use it for other shit it's good to add like if you make smoothies and shit like that it's good to add cuz the fat should put some in there helps the absorption of the vitamins all right I had to learn that one the hard way not that it made just adding MCT oil to shakes uh, um, shakes makes it, uh, just makes it

more nutritious, but you gotta be careful because you will shit yourself. You have to be careful. You can't, you can't go too hard with the MCT oil. You can get like a few tablespoons in a big glass of, uh, but anything more than that, it's just something about it. Your body's like, just release the hounds. It's like lubing your, your, your intestines. A little bit. It's, but I house it's like lube in your your intestines a little bit it's not but I think it feels like more than that it

almost it's not just like lube it's almost like your body's like what are you eating like too much I'm not confident with this let go let's go everybody out yeah it's nothing like diarrhea to change your mind on things like if you had all the money in the world but constant diarrhea diarrhea forever you could live like P. Diddy

like two bottles of champagne one in each hand on a yacht but at any moment you could shit yourself that's not living it's not living

it's not living it's not nobody can accept that yeah yeah if you're on that yacht because you pay some friends and it's hilarious and you're like listen i'm rich we can hang out but occasionally i might shit myself yeah and no snickering yeah you can't laugh at me man you see it running down his miami vice shoes he's got those shoes no socks on

those white loafers dudes wearing you see shit dribbling down yes oh you have to wear those diapers yeah you have to wear the diaper but then everybody smells it I would keep it doesn't get the smell a baby around me oh it's good or a dog keep up the old dog I'm like what come on baby that's not gonna go change this baby. Yeah, if you have constant diarrhea, that feeling, the only thing that makes

diarrhea okay is that you know it's eventually gonna go away. Right? Because if you just had to live forever knowing at any moment you could just shit yourself,

there's a lot of people that that's the reality, right? People with Crohn's disease and shit like that, they're constantly shitting themselves. Oh, right. That's where butt wipes are very important. It's hilarious.

You can't be using some cheap-ass Costco toilet paper. What's the thing where you just fall asleep automatically? Narcolepsy. It's like narcolepsy of the ass. Yeah, yeah. That's what that is. Can't control it anymore. Yeah.

What if you had both? You just fall down all the time whenever you had to shit. Fall asleep and shit yourself. Just shit yourself. And that would be what would happen. You would have these ideas in your head. Rich as shit. Man, I just think I probably should get to the...

Fall asleep, wake up, covered in shit. What the fuck? It's like your body's trying to protect you from the fact that it knows you're going to shit yourself and it knows you can't handle it. It's like some drunks become blackout drunks. They get drunk so hard so often their body's like, look, we can't handle this and still be conscious. If you're going to continue to do this, we're just going to start blacking you out. That's hilarious.

So when you wake up, everybody's gone and you could just get up and crawl home. Yeah, you're just covered in shit. Without being embarrassed. Every day, like you're in the middle of your kitchen. I don't know if I'm going to make it to the bathroom. I'm going to fall down. Greg invited us over for dinner but he shits himself a lot.

Do you want to go to Greg's house to eat? Greg shows up. You can hear his diaper crinkling as he sits down. Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh. Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh. If you're a narcolep, shows up, you can hear his diaper crinkling as he sits down. If you're a narcoleptic, what's to stop you from banging your fucking head off the ground and dying? That's a problem. That's the scary part,

right? You ever seen someone faint? Yeah, yeah. I've known people that have epileptic seizures. You don't know when those are going to happen. And you have to stop them from hurting themselves. I've seen that on a plane. Some lady behind us just locked up.

She was just locked up. Her body just was like... It wasn't working. And she was trying to fight it off. And then they tried to, like, calm her down. And I think they tried to get her to stop from swallowing her tongue. I don't know how they did that. They have to do that move.

There was a bunch of people that surrounded. She was, like, a couple rows behind me. A bunch of people jumped on the situation. Yeah, I was stopping from biting their tongue or swallowing it. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. And then.

But it was like she locked up. Like, you could see, like, when you turned around, people started, like, there was a commotion, and turned around, it was like, almost like she was, like, wrestling with something. Mm-hmm. Which is, like, probably what they used to think, right? Back in the day when someone, they thought you were possessed by the devil. Yeah, yeah. Right?

Like, if you believed in the devil, you saw someone have a seizure... Right. You'd be like, Satan is upon her. Yeah. I wonder if they even bothered fixing people back then. They might have just killed them. Kill them or throw them have a seizure. Right. Like Satan is upon her. Yeah. I wonder if they even bothered fixing people back then. They might have just killed them. Kill them or throw them in a dungeon. Right.

If you're having a fucking lockup seizure during the Inquisition, you'd be sure there's the devil. Yeah. The devil's taking over you. Dude. That's the line that people don't like to cross. The believing in the devil line. Right. Right. What do you mean believing in the devil line. Right. Right.

What do you mean believing in it? Talking about it. You can talk about God all day. Right. As soon as you talk about the devil, you're like, Oh boy. Yeah.

Like he crossed the line. People are afraid of that. Yeah. Yeah. But people talk about God. People talk about God, but you usually can't have one without the other. The devil is in the Bible.

So, yeah, but it shows this, the slow cultural evolution that we were talking about. We've realized how ridiculous it is to think that some dude in a fiery pit with a pitchfork, unless you're one of the people that listens to this and still believes in that. That's fine. I'm not telling you you're right. You might be right. But for most people, that's pretty ridiculous, right?

The devil? Yeah. He's going to torch you in the fires of hell forever. There's a lot of religious people that believe that shit. Yeah. But it's a package deal. See, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's a package deal.

It's a weird thing that will allow people to not follow the package. You don't have to buy the wax. You could just get the armor all in the tires and you don't have to get the wax part. But this is where the devil comes in. The devil comes in to help scare people into Christianity. So if you're a preacher or a jailer's witness or somebody, like if I'm going to scare you into being it's like scared straight. If I'm going to scare you into being good, I got to take you to prison so you can see what prison is like. Right. If I'm going to part of being a Christian is not just being good.

It's like you don't want to go to hell. Right. So I got to give you these stories of people in hell and paint this picture so that you make this choice that I want you to make. So the devil is a very important thing in making people Christians. Used to be. But now things are getting more and more slippery because it's more and more ridiculous because more and more people are making fun of Christianity. So now it's like you don't bring up the devil. Right. So like if the president could go on television and say, God bless America.

We are a nation governed by God. And everybody goes, yeah. But if he says, we have located the devil. He's in Afghanistan. We're sending troops to that area. People are like, what? What the fuck are you talking about, man? You can't say the devil's a real thing.

I know. I know. It's like a- The problem is the devil. You can't say the devil's a real thing. I know. I know. It's like.

The problem is the devil. If Trump got on TV and started saying, when I said grab them by the pussy, that was not me. That was the devil speaking through me. And now I understand. And everybody would clap. The devil is in our heart and in our soul. And we need to stop him from ruining life on earth before Jesus returns and offers us eternal salvation.

Right. You could, you could almost imagine someone saying like that, but not someone saying something like that, but not quite. They would like, I always think like you ever seen those court cases where somebody said they heard voices and then they killed somebody.

Right. Right. Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia. So that person's on trial So that person's on trial. That person's on trial and then everybody's looking at that person like they're crazy.

Right. Right. But before the people who testify against that guy testify, they have to put their hand on the Bible and swear to a God that they can't see to give testimony that this person is crazy.

What is the difference? Yeah. He said he heard voices. You're swearing to something you can't see. So help me God. So help me God. So what's the difference? Yeah.

You're swearing to an imaginary make-believe person. Right. That may or may not have created the entire universe in six days. Yeah. I mean, it might not be made believable. But this guy's crazy. But this guy's crazy. Yeah.

This guy's hearing voices telling him to kill some asshole. How far off from this guy are you? Yeah. Have you talked to God? I have a personal relationship with God. I talk to God every night. That was the thing about Bush that used to drive me crazy. When he used to say he talked to God.

I'm like, listen, motherfucker. You might be talking to Adam. Unless God's talking back, you're not really having a conversation because people could be telling me i talked to joe rogan every night because you just you listen to the podcast you go shut the fuck up goddamn you can tell that story again you're not really talking to me man okay you're talking at me i'm not there the last thing george did was talk to god every night i talked the last thing he did. Every evening, I talk to God. He gives me my plans.

No. I talk to Ian Edwards every evening. I listen to his podcast about soccer. Excuse me, I mean football. And I fucking start screaming at him. It's hilarious. Yeah, you don't hear too many people saying they actually heard from God. Because that's where it gets slippery. You could talk to God

all day long. Because you'll sound crazy. Yeah, you'll sound like a nut. Yeah. Well, I got a bit that I've been doing lately about like how no one likes new miracles. Yeah. Yeah, you know that bit. I don't even know if I heard that bit, but you're right. It's like we only believe the ones that happen in the Bible.

If somebody says this miracle happened to them, they're crazy. But don't you believe in God? Well, we get to like joseph smith joseph smith's the that's the the bounds of incredulity because that's the 1800s i think it was 1820 was it 1820 he's a mormon yeah he found golden tablets that contained the work of the last work of jesus and only he could read them because he had a magic seer stone that he would look through the angels came and took it away like all of it was like crazy miracle stuff right but it's like oh just long enough just long enough ago people go well maybe it was still going on back then right yeah yeah 1820 maybe but not in

2017 no you can't come no can't come with that no unless you got some super proof but now people not going to believe that super proof anymore because of all this 3D rendering software and Adobe Photoshop. Have you seen that thing? We were talking about it yesterday. They're able to – you could talk for 20 minutes and they'll take your voice. And essentially over 20 minutes, they find everything you've ever said, all the noises that you can make in 20 minutes or 40 minutes, 40 minutes actually. They can do it in 20, but they prefer 40. So they can make you say words you've never said before.

Like you could say, hey, Joe and Jamie, let's do a podcast. And they could say, hey, Joe and Jamie and Mike and Steve and Debbie, let's do a podcast. And you'd be like, what the fuck? I never said Mike and Steve and Debbie. They can make your voice say those things with new computer software. And they can't. So what evidence is evidence now in court? That's the point.

The point is it's getting so close to being impossible to tell if something's fake. Like right now they can still kind of tell. Like it's still a little clunky. But it's a few years away from being indiscernible. You're not going to be able to tell. They can manufacture anything. Yeah. It's. You're not going to be able to tell. They can manufacture anything. Yeah. It's crazy.

It's going to be really interesting because they're also going to be able to have people, like, you won't have to bring John Wayne back to life to have a John Wayne movie. Right. You could have a fake John Wayne. You have hours and hours of John Wayne talking. You take that, you throw it into a computer, and you could write a script. You could write a script where John Wayne is in some new high-tech Western movie. Didn't they do that in the last Star Wars, Rogue One?

Didn't they do some shit like that? Yeah, they added Princess Leia in it. After she was dead? They made her younger than she already was. Oh, wow. One of the guys, the admiral. Was it good? Spoiler alert, by the way.

You son of a bitch. I haven't even seen that movie. They had since Christmas. Have you guys been paying attention to all the shit stirring that William Shatner has been doing online? William Shatner is at war with social justice warriors on Twitter. William Shatner is like shit posting online and getting these people mad at him. And they're mad and they're saying that your whole show, Star Trek, was about social justice.

And here you are mocking social justice warriors. There was an article in HuffPost, which is like the super liberal rag, like should William Shatner's like aberrent behavior or something like that erase abhorrent uh erase his star trek legacy like that like literally is bad behavior online find that article because it's so ridiculous but he's essentially um just fucking with people calling them snowflakes and shit and people going nuts but what's how bad is he what what's what's he saying nothing that bad not they just want him to toe the line and they also want him to uh be like humble and grateful for

being on star trek but he's like hey folks it was just a tv show lighten the fuck up and they're like it's just a tv show with social justice as his primary values and here you are we expect you to become a TV show with that TV show he's an actor not yeah he's Canadian too by the way oh shit yeah no they're not foreign now he's wrong yeah that's what I'm saying um but uh I don't know like what they're arguing about it's hard I can't scroll back far enough to find out what they're arguing oh yeah for sure they think he's awful remember when you didn't know that William Shatner was so awful? I guess I'll tweet that like all these weird social justice warriors women Like relax. Yes. Why waste your time those you got shit to do people 80 year old man. Yeah alone I get you think he's all he's got all these marbles there. Yeah, yeah 80. Yeah, isn't he?

Is it William Shatner should be about? According this article is what the fight was about. It came from some show called Outlander. Okay. Outlander fans, the actor calling them snowflakes and social justice warriors, is intricate and fascinating in a way that only a fandom beef involving an internationally famous cultural icon can be. But to get the full picture, we have to take a trip back in time. B, but to get the full picture, we have Take a Trip Back in Time.

Shackner, who acquitted with this guy, Hugin, Hugin, H-E-U. This is the part right here. Okay. I believe the two stars of the show, Sam Hugin and Catriona

Balfe, should date in real life. Huh. There's a group of fans, people that love the show, that think, shippers, they call themselves, fans of a show who want to see the two characters in a relationship. They believe the two stars of the show, Sam and Catriona, should date in real life, and a particularly hardline group of fandom Bolsheviks that believe that they already are dating in secret. And Shatner, who's acquainted with one of the guys, waded into the fray, labeling those shippers, those people, as bullies and calling them out on Twitter.

It was a move that many fans also saw as its own kind of bullying, also saw as its own kind of bullying with Shatner trying to kick a group out of fandom for a more nuanced walkthrough. There's an explanation, blah, blah, blah. Fast forward. Okay, he got in a fucking goofy war with trolls. Yeah. Here's some of the tweets and stuff.

Oh, God. Just don't engage. Yeah. Oh, it's just weird. So he's, what is it? Hold is it hold on stop back up funny how an actress with an impressive resume is belittled by same feminists who say that an 86 year old man telling the truth is a misogynist is he 86 i could believe that he's wayne shakner 86 google it take a guess how old do you think he is i that's right. I say he's in his 80s. That's great. It's gotta be. When you're that close to death, do you really give a fuck enough

to argue with people on Twitter about who's dating who? That seems weird. He's 86. Wow. He's pretty good for 86. Yeah, he does. But like, what is that? Like, why are, why are they going back and forth? That seems like such a waste of time. You're 86. How much time do you have when you're 86? If you're super lucky, you got 10 years. Sometimes old people like to argue. It gives them strength and energy.

It's like vitamins. Yeah, it just gives them fucking something. A fight, you know, stirs them up. A game. Yeah. Like a fucking something a fight you know stirs them up a game yeah like a fucking sport yeah that or sudoku

I mean yeah they get tired they just need that adrenaline rush need anger fueled fueled by anger yeah anger's energy

it's an adrenaline rush you just don't you don't dive into the fray with dorks though that's where like that whole gamer gate went crazy you know like when It's an adrenaline rush. You don't dive into the fray with dorks, though. That's where that whole Gamergate went crazy. You know? Like when women were trying to... There was a bunch of women that were trying to...

They wanted to... There was a bunch of stuff going on with video games. But they were concerned with sexism in video games. And they were trying to censor video games. There were bullying people that believed one way. And bullying people that believed another way and bullying people that believed another way. And then it became a dispute, a nerd fight. As soon as you get involved in any sort of nerd fight,

no matter what side you're on, it's going to be some chaos. There's a lot of angry people. I can't even waste time doing that shit. Do you fuck with video games? I used to, but I put that shit away like 10 years ago what happened when you quit me i quit video games it was just taking up a lot of my time all this fun stuff fuck video games fuck me fuck blowjobs too it was taking up a lot of my time but then but then porn became accessible and then took that took that video game time away damn really yeah

how much video games and jerking off are you doing that seems like can't do it both man how could you have got to choose one. How could you swap them, though? I feel like your dick would fall off. I just think it's just time wasting. Yeah. Time wasting and your hands are involved. Eyes and hand coordination.

Have you ever fucked with virtual reality? Have you ever tried out any of those? Those porn? No. Just porn? I mean, just like trying those uh those headsets like uh oculus rift or any of that stuff hdc vive tried those like i don't remember the games i've been to places where they have the samples and you could put it on and then try it out a long

time ago no that's recently like try to i tried a game at South by Southwest. I was trying to, like, the helicopter was over there. And I had the thing on and I was, like, flying it and trying to move it. But I don't know what the name of the game was. What did you do at South by Southwest? I did a show there. And then I went to the, you know, the main convention center. Let me ask you this. Did they pay you to perform at South by Southwest?

Yeah, yeah. They did. They have to pay now. Yeah. Dude. They were not paying. Oh, they weren't? For the longest time.

Oh, shit. You would just go and it would be like you'd perform there. It was a privilege. I went there twice. I went there last year. I was taping a show for Showtime. Okay, Showtime paid you. Showtime paid.

And then I went this year and it was just a show at a club and uh they paid for that they flew out flew me out put me up and paid for that I got an offer once and what they offered me is if I came down there and did their thing I would get a free pass that would allow me to go to all the shows it was worth like 1500 bucks I was like are you out of your fucking mind I could see they wouldn't but they don't pay for your hotel they didn't pay for your flight they just offered i was like maybe this is just like one faction of this organization that thinks it's a good idea to offer that to people you know who's doing that bumper shoot what's bumper shoot it's a music festival like i've done bonnaroo they pay you they fly out, and they put you up. Bumper shoot, it's in Seattle.

It's at the end of August going into, so August 31st going into September 3rd. And basically what they're paying me covers my hotel room. I have to pay to pretty much fly there. But I go to this music festival. That's ridiculous. It is ridiculous. Are you going to do it? I'm just doing it for the fun of going to the music festival.

Why would you do that? You're going to, you're going to be in Seattle this Friday night with me. Hey, all right. That's right. You have to go back for that bullshit. Yeah.

Friday night, Paramount theater, two shows. No doubt. Some tickets available for the second show. Joe Rogan.net forward slash tour. Yeah, Seattle's the shit, though. It's a fun place to perform, but I'm not going there for free.

Right. That's stupid. Because you know someone's making money. They wouldn't ask you to go if it wasn't profitable. Yeah, somebody's making money. That's just gross. That's what they were doing with South by Southwest. Duncan did a video explaining it when they offered it to him.

Hilarious. He did a video with, when they offered it to him. Hilarious. He did a video with, you know that Hitler video where Hitler's like yelling at a bunch of shit in German in the subtitles. And Duncan's subtitles were all about like South by Southwest.

Hilarious. How to get people to work for free. It's just, it's a fucking airlines. It's run by a giant corporation. Yeah. Like you can't pretend that's like some hippie

sort of uh they're making kabillions i mean they must be it's giant right and bumper shoes are making money so what are they doing i don't know they're not they're not giving it to the comics motherfuckers yeah yeah we need to come up with our own festival i've been thinking about this oh yeah yeah to come up with something to do. I've been thinking about this. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Come up with something to do out here. That would kill. Yeah. Yeah, that would definitely kill. Just run it through the Ice House.

Two shows every night. Both rooms. Little room and the big room. Do it for like a week. Yeah. You know? That would definitely kill. Something crazy.

Yeah. Right? Yeah, but do it intimate. Yeah. Small, small venue. Mm-hmm. Think about it. I wouldn't want to organize that, though. And I wouldn't want to organize that though and I wouldn't want to like say no to someone who sucks you

know they're like hey so here's the schedule and I'm like why is that guy on yeah that's the problem yeah that's a problem like I was talking to Al magical about that I'm talking about putting together that comedy network there's a couple people on this comedy network where he's like the fuck you know you got to be careful yeah you know gotta be careful putting together a network of people yeah because some people are either unaware or just belligerently don't care they just want to get on yeah and they'll try to force their way in and try to force their way in yeah do you uh that's that's an issue with podcasts people try to force their way on your podcast. Do you, uh, that has, that's an issue with podcasts. People try to force their way on your podcast,

the corner you, ask you, I get that shit all the time. People that just, there's no way I would have them on. Right. And they'll corner me. Right.

And want to get on the podcast. I'm like, is this what you think works? You just get, if I wanted you to be on, I'd ask you. They have nothing, they have nothing to lose.

Yeah. Do you watch your act? I want to, I want you to watch your act with me. Let's go over it together. Sit down there with a yellow legal pad and go, okay, what the fuck is that? It's hilarious. It's just the personality conflict is the real problem.

It's not even like the material as much as like who they are. Right. You know, some people you just don't, some people are just not that aware. They don't make good conversationalists. Right. You don't want to be around them. Right. they don't make good conversationalists,

you don't want to be around them. Especially some people based on their material. You're not a good conversationalist. If you're talking about that. Yeah, it's just... I don't know. I get it. I get it. People want to promote themselves. They want things to go ahead. Sometimes, how much

should you be promoting yourself? How much should you be working on improving yourself? There was always those people that were really good promoters, but they didn't have a really good product. But they have enough of a good product that the promotion sort of carry their product and the enthusiasm behind it got people into it. I call it the hustle gene. I wish I had more of the hustle gene. Right. You know what I mean?

But then I wonder how much of my creativity would I have to sacrifice for the hustle gene? And there's a conundrum. It seems like the people who really hustle aren't as good as the most creative people. Right. That's what it feels like. Yeah. That's what it really feels like. It does feel like that. So that's the scary thing.

Especially the promotional gene. Yeah. The promotional gene yeah the promotional genes a weird one right you know those dudes that like early on open mic nights they were starting their own open mic and putting up flyers and shit you're like what how are you so confident you know i'm not inviting anybody to open mic get out of here not at all when was the last time you showed up at an open mic and did a set oh shit uh i went back to i didn't do a set we went to madison wisconsin to to do the weekend at comedy on state and then

there's this pizza shop that has an open mic so after the show on i think thursday night we went to the pizza shop and we put our names on a list, but then they ended the show before. So it was like, I wanted to do it. Was it too many people that signed up? Is that what it is? Is that what you're saying? It was like, we got there because we just did a show. We got there towards the end.

Oh, I see. And then, you know what? The few audience members were leaving. That's the thing about open mics. Like some comics are new and they're not that good. So how much is an audience going to sit through? You know, they might have sat through five bad comics is a lot to sit through. And you might have sat through more.

Oh, yeah. So then they don't know who's coming up next. Well, that's what's weird about the store these days. Even the open mic night is packed. Yeah. Have you noticed? It's crazy. Go to open mic night. There's a hundred people in the audience. Yeah, man the open mic night is packed. Yeah. Have you noticed? Mm-hmm. It's crazy.

Go to open mic night, there's 100 people in the audience. Yeah, man. And you're like, whoa. But they're putting some of the store comics on those shows, too. Yeah, smart. Yeah, smart. It is smart.

But there's something about a real regular open mic night. Mm-hmm. It's just, whew, it's like this is the first sparks from a piece of metal and a rock. And when you start a fire,

you know, that's that, that thing where people are trying to make fire. Caveman comedy. Yeah. It's like the first sparks and you see it and you're like, Ooh, it makes me nervous.

Yeah. It is kind of nerve wracking. I used to do them a lot when I first moved out here just to get stage time because I kind of refused to like audition to get in the comedy store at first. I was like, I've already done TV spots. Why got to audition to get in the store until I really got it and say, you know what? You need to get into the store, into the live factory. And then I was writing a lot. So I was like, eh.

But then when I realized it, the night I got into the store was like one of the best nights in show business for me. Oh, yeah. Right. It's like validation. Yeah. You're a paid regular. Yeah. And I was like, I can work out in 15 minute chunks, write material.

I call my manager. I said, I just got into the store. He's like, I've never heard you excited about anything. What's the big deal? I was like, don't you understand? I could work out. It's the store. He didn't get it.

You're in Mecca. Yeah. That's what it is. You know, when you pull into that parking lot and you get out and you go say hi to everybody and you wander through those hallways, you see ORs killing, you go into the main room,

it's packed, someone's crushing. You go upstairs to the bathroom, boom, someone's upstairs smashing. It's like you just stepped into the comedy mecca right you know and if to be a part of that to be allowed to be a part of that and it's and it's funny it's like there's so many up-and-coming young comics that want to get in there and look up to it you know now now it's like it's just it's just bananas it's interesting seeing it again right we're talking about the other day what it used to be like what it's what it's like now this is the golden age yeah i got in there when it used to be like and i was still excited because i just knew i'd be able

to develop there right yeah so that was that was useful like when I started, because before I kind of wasn't taking comedy serious. And then, like, I kind of just got tired of it and kind of fell out of love with it. Well, you're doing a lot of writing, too. Yeah. I think when you do so much staff writing, you know, and you're showing up at that job every day and writing. It's like sometimes it takes away your motivation. Motivation. For sure, it did.

It did. And then I, like, for some reason some reason I said it's time to get back get into these clubs the laugh factory and the store and started my desire started increasing for stand-up you gotta put on a special son yeah I know when you're gonna do one I gotta just shoot it myself like you've been telling me yeah yeah so i i hopefully by the end of the year a few months yeah do it but definitely yeah it needs to happen people need to see your set and then you need to throw it out and write new shit too you know it's like you're you're too good yeah i'm sitting i'm sitting on stuff because i haven't used it yeah so but the only way to write new shit like i have

new shit but i would have more new shit if i had a special and got rid of the older shit. Well, you know what I want to do, man? After I do my next Netflix special, I want to do like a Rodney Dangerfield type thing. Right. Where I bring up a bunch of what I think are the best up and coming comics and have like a special. Like Rodney Dangerfield used to have those specials. Yeah, on HBO. Yeah.

I want to do something like that. Right. I'll just host it. Right. Just bring people up. Yeah, I want to do something like that. Right. Well, I'll just host it. Right. Just bring people up. That's my next move. Like the Ice House or something would be cool. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, doing that at the Ice House. Because Roddy Dangerfield used to do that at Dangerfields in New York City. Yeah. At his own club, yeah. Yeah, man. You ever worked at that place? Yeah. It's a shithole.

Yeah, it's not what it used to be. It's fun, though. it's a great old place yeah they had great cheeseburgers they had the best cheeseburgers in new york city man when you used to work there you used to be able to get a cheese i was excited to eat a cheeseburger there they had amazing cheeseburgers they're like ground filet mignon or something like that yeah back then stuff was simple like when i used to do a spot at the strip like on a monday night after you picked the number out of the hat on a friday and you get one monday out of the month to perform and then me and the open micers were like let's go to jackson hole and eat a burger like at midnight

yeah and just like you just felt so accomplished you know just just doing this artist thing or this comedy thing and you eating like you heard about jackson hall or just some place and you're eating there we used to dream about let's go to carnegie deli because all these comics used to sit there and eat and shit like that yeah just romantic new york comedy shit like that it was like that at store too it's carnie's yeah yeah. The little, in the Standard, going across the street to the Standard late at night after shows.

Oh, you used to go to Mel's. Yeah. Yeah. When their food was better. Mel's is too sketchy though. Yeah. Their food is sketchy. I don't know if I can say that.

Standard is fantastic. Standard is dope. Standard has amazing food and it's open super late. You can get like real good food at like midnight. All right, Ian, let's wrap this motherfucker up.

All right, fam. Sacramento. We'll be there. Sacramento on Thursday night. Ian will be with me Thursday and Friday. Sacramento on Thursday for two shows. And then fucking Friday, we're going to do Seattle for two shows. Then Saturday night, I'm doing San Diego with Jerron Horton.

What are you doing Saturday night night man after we land well you're gonna you're going to where san diego san diego i gotta fly back that morning and then get on a flight in the evening to australia i'll be there for like seven thirteen days jesus in sydney doing a comedy store and some other places out there you're doing stand up in Sydney yeah yeah oh okay yeah so I'll be there from like the 7th through the 20th wow

yeah well let me know I'll tweet that shit I'll let everybody know alright alright ladies and gentlemen we'll be back tomorrow with Ben Shapiro

see ya thanks fam thanks brother