The Joe Rogan Experience - Ari & Joe Go On A Hike

Episode Date: July 18, 2017

Ari Shaffir & Joe do a podcast while hiking to celebrate the release of Ari's new two-part Netflix special "Double Negative" on July 18th.

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day good idea right yeah it's mike mike oh is it the freed up one that's the first mic i ever had i might have gotten it from you maybe um we're off are we we recording? Yeah. Ooh. Exciting. It's that simple. We're on a hike, ladies and gentlemen. We're on a hike. You're wearing 45 pounds on you?

Yeah. The pack's about five or six, and the weight plate's about 45. Yeah. Close to your face. Oh, sorry. by the way this is how much this is what i walked around with sorry this is what i walked around with in uh in southeast asia oh yeah about this this setup yeah well yeah i mean the way it hooks onto your waist yeah and then the over the shoulder and over the middle too over your chest oh for a backpack yeah yeah and about the same amount of weight 45 pounds plus

whatever else have hanging on damn that was so you just carried your life on your back carried everything i had did you bring a laptop fuck no wow you're kidding me it's like how people did because they were like had to upload pictures and shit the two weekers did that right but almost anyone who's gone for like more than a month was like. You could just go to an internet cafe, right? Yeah, if you have to. Yeah. And you would just log into your Gmail? Yeah, exactly.

And then you had to deal with that notification thing, right? Yeah, a couple times. Even though I started that Gmail, the new Gmail, just for the fucking travel. They still fucked you. It was still like, well, this looks suspicious. And I'm like, yeah, it looks suspicious. It should. I'm in fucking nowhere. I'm inonesia absolutely but then like can we there's

no other way there's no like what's your father's you know what's your mom's maiden name god this gorgeous pretty right yeah yeah dude your kids are so fucking big now i know it's weird right yeah they're little humans yeah i couldn't believe it when i saw them i was like i was just like no way what do you see the oldest yeah grown-ass woman it's very strange dude and one day we're going to be old men i mean we're kind of old men right now to kids yeah but one day we're going to be old men yeah i'm getting gr. Dude, nobody rides for free. Yeah.

What is it? Ask Cash or Grass? Yeah. Everybody pays. Yeah. It's crazy, isn't it? I mean, just... And everybody thinks...

You know, it's sort of the same feeling that I have when I talk to people about asteroid impacts. Yeah. Nobody wants to believe it's possible. What? Someone smashing into... Yeah, a big rock from the sky. I've been obsessed with it's possible. What? Someone smashing into it? Yeah, a big rock from the sky. I've been obsessed with it for years.

We saw one. You saw an asteroid? In Joshua Tree. Oh, Jesus. Dude, it lit up. It burned for like 15 seconds in the air. Those are so terrifying. It was so cool. It was red.

And we're just like, that's not a... We were on mushrooms, but everyone had the same look. That's a... I mean mean it's a rock yeah and it just like burned off burned off burned off until it was just went out but it like lasted for a while we were looking for uh what's it called you know shooting stars and stuff the stars out there are so great oh yeah man probably out here too huh nah we get some light pollution yeah a little light pollution but it's not bad it's definitely better than the city but um you really want to go out there like in hawaii holy shit what the stars

amazing really yeah i was in lanai last week yeah and the stars were just stunning man you just lay back and look up at him like god you see the milky way you see everything you see see everything. You see that, what's that line down the middle sometimes, you know? That's the Milky Way. Sort of a thick line. Yeah. Thick clouds and looks white. What's this animal? Yeah.

What's that? What's this animal, dog? Shit. No, that's coyote. The reason why you can tell is because it has berries in it. Oh, really? Yeah, coyotes are kind of omnivores. They're weird little animals.

But they don't attack people right yeah they do they do yeah they do if they have an opportunity it's not like we have some sort of a fucking truce yeah well just like you alone with a coyote well night they would go for it a woman in canada was killed a couple years back 19 year old promising folk singer there's more coyote you can see the hairs in it it's an animal yeah that's an animal that's been eating things there might be a mountain lion but i don't think so it might be a bobcat wow but um i remember that that female canadian singer apparently where she was the real problem is they have uh they have a real lack of things for them to eat.

And so the coyotes there... So then they start encroaching? Well, the coyotes there will even take off a moose. No way. Yeah. As a pack or by themselves? Yeah, as a pack. They just attack the legs until it can't go anywhere.

Yeah. They just keep chasing it and biting its legs. Really? Yeah, and some of them get kicked in the head and killed while they're doing it. I mean, they just take chances. Because there's no food. They have to. There's no food.

So they found this chick walking by herself. Whoops. And it's a horrible way to die, man. Because they eat you asshole first. So you're still alive as a girl? Oh, yeah. Like the bears? Yeah, she's still alive.

They're tearing her apart. They don't kill you first. They have no interest. They don't care about killing you. They just care about eating you. Start chewing you apart. And when they got her, she was still alive.'re tearing her apart they don't kill you first they have no interest they don't care about killing you they just care about eating you start chewing you apart and when they got her she was still alive just torn apart and then they took her to the hospital she died i think wait were they found her alive yeah pretty sure damn sure she was just fucked up like half her face you asshole first it takes a while to eat what do you mean asshole first that's what they do to

animals they kill you by eating you asshole first yeah that's what coyotes do wolves do the same thing they start at your asshole why horrible reason for real sucks the most yeah for real like they start at your asshole yeah it's a terrible way to die so So I'm hiking in these Vibram five-finger shoes. The goat shoes? They're minimalist shoes. There's like almost no padding. There's just some tread. Let me see.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's like heavy socks. Yeah, there's tread, but there's very little padding. Do they hurt? Do you get those, what's the thing on your heel when it hurts? No. No, I mean. Do you feel the rocks on you? Yeah um what's the thing on your heel when it hurts no no i mean um feel the rocks on you yeah i feel the rocks it's just toughening up my feet that's what it's doing it's making my feet stronger the way it's been described to me is that your foot when you're in a regular shoe

your foot is like in a cast and that uh just like how if you ever had a broken arm uh-huh you get that cast no your arm is atrophied. Yeah. Or your leg's atrophied. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That's the same thing with your foot. Your foot is walking around and it's cast all the time. So it doesn't exercise all the strong muscle groups in your toes. And these things, they actually lost a class action lawsuit. I think because a bunch of people took them and they started running and doing a bunch of shit, and they got hurt.

Really? Yeah. Someone's calling me. Is there a reception out here? I can't believe I do. It's like, cool. This is not important. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Let me turn that thing off. They lost the class action because people were getting hurt trying to run on fucking boulders and shit? They lost the class action because people were getting hurt trying to run on fucking boulders and shit? Well, because they lost the lawsuit because people were suing them because they said that they made unwarranted claims or something along those lines. That's what's killing those e-cigarettes. Really? Yeah, because they were safer than smoking.

And the FDA's like, wait, why do you think that? And they're like, well, obviously. No, you can't just go obviously on a medical site. You have to, like, test it. Yeah. They don't have, like, years and years of cancer behind them to prove. I mean, they could easily be causing some new kind of cancer. I mean, who the fuck knows?

And they could also be way safer, but just, like, you've got to prove it and then say it. So with these shoes, one of the things that people who are big proponents of them, like this guy Mark Sisson, who's the author of The Primal Blueprint. He was a really well-respected endurance athlete and then went on to become his coach and does a lot of online stuff and writes books about diet and exercise. He says you've got to take it slow because essentially your foot is just not used to really working. It's used to being protected by a shoe. Like your toe basing out for balance? Especially with these things.

These things, your toes are all individually moving. And essentially it's just providing you a little bit of a thick layer underneath to keep you from getting cut. Oh. But your foot does all the work. I met people in cambodia that had uh on this island this is parasite that lives there and um they just get it you see this worm inside your leg and shit oh jesus yeah and you gotta go to the hospital and take it out but like uh or maybe drink some stuff i forget how they got rid of it but it's just like everybody was like it's not gonna happen to me and then like yeah it happens to you yeah i just need a little bit of scratch as you're walking nearby them and they're like we're in

yeah you can see it inside your skin like moving oh like in fucking wrath of khan i had this guy on my podcast recently dr robert sapolsky and he's an expert in um well he's an expert in a lot of things but one of the things he specializes in is this parasite called Toxoplasma. That's the Brazilian one, right? Yeah. Yeah. And he was freaking me the fuck out. You have it.

I definitely have it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. If it's that anger thing. Oh, yeah. The crazy thing.

The rage thing. What is it? Is it just like get mad and fuck all the time? Yeah. That's basically it. To get mad and fuck disease? Yeah yeah that's basically it to get mad and fuck disease yeah it's um he says 50 the population has it in the world yep 50 nobody in poland no one no i'm just like i'm just stereotyping it's so crazy how it works how

it infects the cat and the only place where it can reproduce is in a cat's digestive tract and that's how it forced itself to survive yeah by by tricking a rat into going near a cat it kills the rat's fear of cats see again you see the hair in there yeah that's an animal that's killing animals most likely that's a coyote but that's pretty big that's that's some big shit are there bears out here no not out here but not too far away santa barbara has bears are there rattlesnakes here yes it's got to be that right dude i ran over one what um yeah with my dogs a couple years back it was a waterfall yeah um where i thought it was a stick it was a big stick across the ground and as i was over, the dogs already passed it.

I realized in the air I was jumping over a fat-ass rattlesnake. It was huge, dude. Was it looking at you? No. And you just go, fuck, and try to stay in the air as long as you could? No, I pushed the dogs away because that was when I had pit bulls. And they were ridiculous. They would go after it.

They got bit three times. By rattlesnakes? Yep. i just have to take them to the doctor and it's super expensive to get anti-venom damn huge pain in the dick yeah um but where were we oh yeah toxoplasma yeah it affects the rats convinces the rats that cats not only does it take away their fear of cats, but it rewires their sexual reward system and makes them attracted to cat piss. That's amazing.

They get hard-ons. That's amazing. It's insane. That's like if there was nobody reproducing, if there was some disease, it was like, no, fat chicks are pretty. Yeah, exactly. And then you would just have to go for them. Yep.

It's just like, have you heard of this new tick? There's a new tick disease. I mean, for sure the answer is no, I've not heard of it. Well, it gives you a meat allergy. And it's spreading through Texas. It's called the Lone Star Tick. So you're allergic to meat after you get it? Literally, yeah.

And then what does that do? Well, there's a chemical called alpha-gal. It's like alpha-galactase or some shit. I forget how to say it. Yeah. But this stuff is in this tick bite. And when it gets into your system, it makes you literally allergic to meat. And so people who are like rabid carnivores.

Radiolab did a podcast about it. Yeah. The podcast is called Alpha Gal. Alpha Gal? Alpha Gal. G-A-L. Like a girl. And so it makes you allergic to meat? To what end? What purpose? Well, there's no purpose. It's like Lyme disease. It's the side effect of getting bit by a tick. These cunty bugs are tired of our bullshit

There's too many of us Man, if they teamed up Yeah I started thinking about it when people said like You know, could you beat like 12, 12 year olds I'd fuck up 12, 12 year olds Okay, sure, maybe 100%

What if they're organized? I don't know, they don't have a chance They don't have a chance? Nope If they all come at you at once? Nope And they don't care about getting beat up? First of all, everybody cares about getting beat up.

You're talking about non-humans now. Well, what if you start training them at a young age? I'm going to fuck them up. They don't have a chance. The first one's going to get kicked into a coma. The first one's going to get kicked hard, for sure. And then the other ones are going to panic, and then I'm just going to start smashing. So, okay, okay. I'm a 200 panic, and then I'm just going to start smashing. So, okay, okay.

But that's, I'm a 200-pound trained athlete. I'm going right through those cunts. Yeah, yeah. If they're just like, hey, go beat up Joe, and whoever beats him up gets a lollipop, you'll take those guys. But if it's a trained army of 12-year-olds? They're fucked, because I'm trained. Listen, if I had to fight me and 10 other dudes,

I'd have to fight a 500 pound man That's more coyote shit That one's a weird looking one It's all berry Yeah, they eat a lot of berries If I had to get ten friends And we had to fight a 500 pound hulking man We'd be fucked

You'd be fucked We'd be fucked We wouldn't have a chance What about 12 like Duncan Trussells? Could you take that? A little bit bigger now? In his current form? Current form?

Yes. Absolutely. Fuck them all up. We wouldn't have a chance. Because there's going to be one of them in front of me at some point. Yeah. And all you have to do is hit that one. And the other ones are going to panic.

That's what I never understood about the Bruce Lee movies. When they would come at him one at a time. And maybe sometimes two at a time, but never in the same place. Like a retard wagon train. Just grab him. Just grab him. The problem with Duncan is he wouldn't be able to really do any damage if he got close. Oh, he could punch you square in the jaw and you'd laugh it off like Bia Baracus.

Yeah, you'd be like, okay. That all you got? Yeah. But if you had to deal with like three burnt Kreischers, I'm probably going to get fucked up. Yeah. Even if he's not a trained fighter, most likely you'd have to really make sure you connect hard on that first guy. The first guy you have to take out immediately. As hard as you can.

Yeah, you have to blast him. You also have to show consequences for everybody else to let him know like hey you're not just gonna free shot on me i'm gonna fucking kill you stomped their face in as are down oh yeah they tell my dad's what they taught him the israeli army and these are the old days you know and they said there's a good chance it's gonna be you with no weapons up against two arabs with no weapons like that's a good chance it's going to be you with no weapons up against two Arabs with no weapons. Like, that's a decent chance. And he said, here's what you do.

Look them both in. You look at the one on the whatever, on the right, let's say. And then you just kick the one on the left in the balls as hard as you can. Just as hard as you can and try to incapacitate him that way. He goes, one-on-one, you'll beat any Arab. They're not trained. That's hilarious. You just have this attitude.

Yeah. Well, they're so well-trained, and the Arabs were kind of like, you know, militia armies. They're doing fucking, you know, calisthenics, you know, in the fucking jungle gym to train. And he goes, you beat him, and then go back and kill the first one. Hmm. Interesting. Didn't your dad have to raise a kitten and then kill it? Yeah. That's my favorite. They make you raise it like the eggs in home ec. Interesting. Didn't your dad have to raise a kitten and then kill it? Yeah. That's my favorite. They make you raise it like the eggs in home ec.

Yeah. And then you have to break its neck, right? You have to break its neck. You have to present a healthy kitten that you've raised for weeks. Wow, look at that beautiful pond. Yeah. You get a lot of crayfish in those ponds. Really? Yeah. When it was raining a lot, this would turn into a river. Oh. And like during the middle of the spring

oops the middle of the spring it was uh pretty thick with water down here it would go all the way up to that high spot over there where over there jesus like see those rocks yeah a little bit higher like maybe two or three feet above where the water is right now it was pretty awesome but that was just when all the water was coming down from the mountains it all comes down here huh yeah it was the runoff from the snow then followed by the heavy rains that we had for days and days yeah we had some amazing rainfall really yeah to the point where my basement got flooded really yep were people like uh complaining about it in hollywood yeah because all they say is we need rain we need rain and then it happens two years later and like enough with this dude three days in a row, people are like, enough of this rain.

I'm like, shut the fuck up. No one feels the goddamn drought in Hollywood. Exactly. They're just like, nah, I'm going to run my water while I brush my teeth. I can just turn the water on. I don't get it. The water's right here. Yeah.

And then there's no corn suddenly. And you're like, what happened? Well, I feel like people need some kind of weather in order to really appreciate the good stuff. Like, you need some rain. Yeah. Like, that was like growing up in the East Coast. It snowed. So when summertime came around, you're like, fuck yeah.

You appreciated it. Yes. You were in your shorts. You're like, yeah. Yeah. You're like, it's time. It got to the 60 and you're like let's do this fucking summer that's my favorite thing about new york everyone feels it together right and then

when it finally gets warm the whole city's like we did it you guys we survived some of us not all of us yeah and then it's like let's enjoy it let's go out there's something to that for sure in uh over where i was there's three seasons instead of four. Winter, summer, and rainy. Oh, really? Yeah. And when it's rainy season, it's rainy season. Well, I think that it's like...

Four months of just like every single day. Wow. Yeah. I think that's good. I think it's indicative of... You start a family that... What's wrong with California. What, too easy?

Yeah, we were like spoiled rich kids. With what? We were like a trust fund baby jesus what happened lizard fucking lizard but he came right at me oh jesus he was threatening um we're just trust fund babies for weather yeah we're just so used to everything being amazing in january all you need is a t-shirt the fuck is that in january man and what the fuck i remember skiing and i hung out in jeans and a t-shirt. It's insane. Yeah. How pretty are these trails?

These are great. Nobody's ever on them, too. I go running these things. Do you do the same for the weekends? Oh, yeah. Every now and then. Because to me, it's like I'll never try to do anything on a weekend because that's when the amateurs come out. Right.

Like running. Yeah. It's like, don't even. Don't. Just wait until Monday. Yeah. There's got to be a benefit to doing these kind of weirdo jobs? Yeah. It's like, cause don't even, don't just wait till Monday. Yeah. There's gotta be a benefit to doing these kind of weirdo jobs.

Yeah. And that is, you know, play golf on a Wednesday. Right. Exactly. Oh, fuck.

The uphill gets tough. Are you tired? No, just a little. Wait till we go back. Yeah. Oh yeah. Then it's all uphill

on the way back. This is the first uphill now this is i love fucking hiking man yeah it's great exercise too man yeah you get some sun on your skin and hiking with weight on your back it's amazing yeah good for your legs so i did a three-day hike in myanmar and uh some company like take your stuff to like another location. And all you do is go with like a day pack. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

But, you know, 15 pounds is what you got on you. And it's great. You come out of it so fucking refreshed. And feel good and just like, okay, now it's time for a beer. I've earned it. You want to pause before the uphill? We can where's the uphill right there well usually around here if i'm running a mile and a half yeah i stop right at that crest you run all this i run all this in those goat shoes yep no socks yep wow yeah i go hard dude I'm trying to get in really good shape for hunting.

Yeah. Because the kind of shape I'm in is like jujitsu shape, kickboxing shape, weightlifting shape. Quick? Yeah, it's... Quick bursts instead of long? There's just a big difference between that and hiking. Yeah. Hiking in the mountains in particular. It never stops.

Your legs give up. What, golf ball? Why is that there? Somebody probably was up there. I know you have a weird thing about litter, which I don't, but when I'm in the fucking woods, that's when I have the weird thing. I always feel like I should clean up one item. People get weird with me about how weird I am with litter. Because you get weird about cigarette butts on Sunset Boulevard.

Yeah. It's like, dude, they have Mexicans for this. They're coming i chase receipts down the street that are yours yeah and i hate i hate the idea that i'm littering i remember being in denver once with the with the with the when we toured yeah with like a posse yeah here we get mad at i think me and red band was like don't fucking throw out there throw them on the ground in beautiful denver yeah. That's a thing people with cigarettes do. They just throw it on the ground.

Step on it. As if it goes away. Throw it out the window of their car. They just don't want to see it. It's out of sight, out of mind. Is that a tick? Ooh. What is that?

Is that a tick? Some kind of bug. Yeah, that is a tick, dude. Ooh, kill that fucker. Why didn't you kill it? Well, there's a million of them. I'm just going to go away and bite your mom. Just like Peter Parker.

Remember when Peter Parker? Yeah. That guy killed Uncle Ben? Yeah, he let him go. He let him go. You're right. There's a million of them Just go away and bite your mom Just like Peter Parker Remember when Peter Parker Yeah That guy killed Uncle Ben Yeah he let him go He let him go You're right He let that tick go That's gonna happen

If you have Lyme disease We're definitely gonna be Thinking about it Dude if I come back And I get that fucking Meat disease I'll be so mad at you If it's that tick

Oh he had a chance He just sounds down Jump right back up He had a chance to kill it Let's see if you can find That cunt on the ground No way No way

If you really had some time You could find him. If you were totally dedicated. You think so? Yeah. He didn't go that far. But he's so small. He's got a six foot square ear.

That was a tick though, right? I think it was. It was flat, red. It looked very tickish. Now luckily for us, there's not a whole lot of Lyme disease out here, but it does exist. And it's spreading. What happens if you have a tick that's no Lyme disease, but it still exist and it's spreading. What happens if you have a tick that's no Lyme disease, but it still gets you? Yeah. Does it just make you weak? Yeah. It

makes you itchy. Just cunty little bugs trying to suck blood out of you. I pulled them off my dogs for they swell up. Yeah. Yeah. They swell up with blood and they're just, oh, they're disgusting. I was in Chodok. Speaking of litter. Where's that? Southern, southern Vietnam. So Ho Chi Minh, they take about a 10-hour bus down. Damn. Yeah. My man's traveling. But there's this like floating forest where these trees grow out of this like, just this water and then there's like lily pads everywhere.

So it just looks like grass and trees coming out, but you're on a boat through it. Whoa. Yeah, it's pretty great. It's pretty great. But then we get off the boat and get onto the dock and this fucking Chinese guy, they're the worst travelers. They're the worst. He just dumps a cigarette

and you're like, dude, come on. Nobody's here, man. There's no street sweeping here. We're in the fucking woods. Did you say something to him? No, of course not. I'm a pussy. I don't want conflict. But also it's like, what am I gonna learn? Chinese travelers are the worst. That's why the Great Barrier Reef is dead. Really? Because they say. I don't want conflict. But also, it's like, what am I going to learn? Chinese travelers are the worst.

That's why the Great Barrier Reef is dead. Really? Because they say, please don't put on sunscreen. And Chinese people are like, I'm just going to put on all the sunscreen I have. How about that? No kidding. So they say, don't put on sunscreen in the area of the Great Barrier Reef? While you're scuba diving. Also, you're covered in a wetsuit.

So you don't really need just a little on your neck and put it on like 45 minutes before. So that's what's killing the reef is sunscreen? It's a reef now it's dead it's been declared dead whoa yeah which means it might be more than 50 dead or something but like it's been declared a dead reef holy shit one of the greatest things in our fucking world holy shit killed by sunscreen and man's encroachment dude i used to get um sunscreen in my eyes when i used used to do Fear Factor, I would do Fear Factor and then I'd come to the store and I'd still have sunscreen on my forehead

and I would start sweating and the sunscreen would get in my eyes and it was fucking terrible. It would sting so bad. Yeah. I remember being on stage just crying, tears running down my face. What, later?

Oh, because you'd have it on from the day. Yeah, I had it on during the day and then I'd be at the store at night i'd be tearing i have to explain to people sorry i was shooting outside all day no i'm good and i got sunscreen in my fucking eyes that shit's terrible for you can't smoke out here can you a cigarette or weed come on man i don't smoke cigarettes oh yeah you can smoke weed we could smoke some wine i should figure brought weed on a hike i like it this is, I've cut down a lot on weed. You should try weed and yoga.

It's amazing. Dude, I did a bunch of yoga out there. Did you? Like 12 times. Ooh, you like it? Yeah, I got to the point where, this is one of my goals, I wanted to touch my toes.

Ah. And I started right below the knee. And when I did it, I got down to... Oh, you can almost touch your toes now yeah that's a lot more flexible than you yeah that's great yeah that's one of the best things for your health and then just while i was on boats and shit i would just like do it a little bit you know and you take these classes they would teach you some moves and you're like i'll reproduce that when i'm fucking sitting waiting for a bus well you don't have a phone but if you did have a phone

you just use your app or uh for classes yeah well you if you have a computer app or a computer. For classes? Yeah. Oh. Well, if you have a computer, obviously, when you go on the road or even at your house, just turn on a yoga program on YouTube. Just someone who's got a yoga workout. You follow the yoga workout. It's simple. You don't have to go anywhere. You don't have to do anything.

Oh. Yeah. It's amazing. And once you learn it, then you can get in. I know you don't use a phone, but I have an app on my phone that shows me the move and then times me really and tells me to stop yeah i got an ipad i could do that at home with that yeah do that yeah there are a bunch of things where i'm like i do miss a phone for that i do miss a phone for that well what you're doing is admirable though you

realize your limitations i've slacked off heavy on social media. Have you? Backed way, way off. Why? For what reason? To get work done. You do understand that. It draws you out. My writing has gotten much more prolific. Much better. I was thinking about your improvement.

Or the way you fucking hit your last special. You know what I think of it, right? You think a lot of that's God, I some people said what about this podcast he's always working his mind i was like he was already doing this podcast for years you think some of us back at the store working out just in front of like people who all know you back in the store cranked me up yeah crank me up crank me up another solid notch you see some other great comics yeah just being back there too i got energized and then getting all the support from all the people, because I'm back there again, too. Yeah.

And being around a real camaraderie scene, a scene of peers. Yeah. I didn't have that before. Before, I was just showing up, and I would do gigs, and I'd get out of there. Yeah. Like with Diaz, I'd do Other Road with you guys, and I'd have fun then. But when I was working out at the Ha Ha or the Improv, I'd just go and do my set and get the fuck out of there. There's no heck.

Yeah. At the store, I'm hanging. Hours for hours. Dude, we went to Carney's yesterday. Not yesterday. Whatever. Last week. Yeah.

It was the first time I'd been there in a long time. We used to go there all the time. All the time. For me, it was like more than a decade. More than a decade not being at Carney's. How long have you gone for? Seven years? Seven years.

Wow. Yeah. Crazy. Wow. Seven years? Seven years. Wow. Yeah. Crazy. Wow. Seven long-ass years. But I had really great sets. I did good specials and bad specials when I was gone. But the bad special that I did, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't real good.

It was 2012. It ramped me up for the 2014 one which was talking monkeys in space which was really good and then that ramped me up for triggered which is probably my best one but i think this new one's going to be better people are talking about your new stuff the store i haven't seen enough of it but uh the door guys like oh it's like on another level now i think you're like i don't know what it is it's not like rock stars are like 25 is their prime i don't know man i'm just i'm i'm not slacking off i think that's what it is i think we get to this point where we're dedicated to something yeah and it we get good at it or we get successful at it at least and then once you get some adulation you sort of relax you're like i kind of got it i

know what i'm doing now yeah and now let me fucking go yeah nobody's gonna make me think about quitting if i do a bad set yeah it's just like that needs improvement so now my my opinion is totally different like now it's all about look i know that the only way i'm really happy is if my comedy is good like if everything in my life is going great but i bomb i am not happy okay so how do i fix that well i have to fucking work more at my stand-up i have to just whatever it is so i wrote down um on my computer and on my phone a schedule that i have to adhere to every week and one of them is i write five hours every week a week that's attainable yeah you don't go crazy like seinfeld where it's like eight hours a day it's like i'm not gonna hit that and then i And then I'll fail They tell AA people not to try to quit smoking their first year

Because it's way harder So you're going to fail at that And it's going to make you think Fuck it just go back to everything So don't even try that So that's what I think Make attainable goals I also set attainable goals for fitness too

The amount of times a week I do yoga the amount of times a week I do yoga, the amount of times a week I run. And I think all those, they like, they, they build on each other, like the momentum of them and it makes the standup better. And then also like just thinking about the standup,

like thinking about the set, trying to make it better, trying to like, how much of this is bullshit? How much of this is ego? How much of this is just, I haven't looked at it enough. I need to get it better.

How much of this is, I only came out of this one way and i stuck with that way why don't i come out another way like i've been doing that a lot now that's how i see a tell doing that where it's like let me change one word around now back now back again when it's like i don't know just because i've been doing doesn't make it right yeah you never know dude like sometimes you'll you'll be and you'll switch it and it'll be way better. Yeah. But you don't know until you Until you like get out of here. You gotta do it.

I always thought that's what held Bobby Lee back for a long time was that he was always like showcasing for pussy. So he was like this is the best it is right now. I'm not gonna fucking go one time. And he's a great comic

but like he's not gonna like risk one time trying it differently or trying new shit. Yeah, I've talked to Bobby about it. I think Bobby just never did a special. And if he did a special he'd be forced to write new stuff. Yeah, I've talked to Bobby about it. I think Bobby just never did a special.

And if he did a special, he'd be forced to write new stuff. And I think his new stuff would really ultimately be way better than the stuff he's doing. Not that the stuff he's doing isn't really good. He's really funny. But I think Bobby has...

But he's a more developed comic now. He has genius potential. And he's just a little nervous about putting stuff out there, I think. So, I don't know man i've just been paying more attention to it yeah it's been trying to pay a lot of attention to it just play your phone you do it when you drive you think about when you drive i listen to recordings all the time like sometimes i'm i'm listening to music and i said you know what i should be doing

work i should be doing work let's dissect this fucking set and i don't want to you know i don't want to listen to a podcast i'd rather listen to a podcast. I'd rather listen to your podcast or Duncan or Burrs or something like that or Joey. But I'll just, I'll go over my set again. I'll figure it out, you know? Figure out.

He's at the gym all the time. I told you what Yoshi said to me. Who was it? Who was the guy at Jets? The small, like 5'2", Japanese guy in the old bomb squad. He was there. Shigeki. Shigeki.

Yeah. When he was like, when I started and he was like, I thought I had succeed. You have, you don't talk about that. No, I don't talk about it.

How dare you? But he goes, here's what you gotta do. You gotta think about it all the time. Like you think about Jiu Jitsu all the time, you'll get better. And I was like, Oh,

I can't, I already got something for that. Yeah. That's a real problem. You have have to you have to figure out like how much energy you put into other stuff for me whether it's archery or used to be pool pool was the worst yeah because you can't really do archery eight hours a day you'll get too tired yeah but you can play pool eight hours a day easy you just gotta stretch your back once in a while you just get more and more psycho about it and then it becomes like okay how much of this is benefiting me is it benefiting

me spending all this time tweaking about balls going into holes or is it like a big distraction because i don't want to put that same amount of time into writing yeah or into thinking about stand i mean honestly there's a diminishing point of returns at some point you know but on some level anything else you think about is time you're not spending thinking about exactly now there might be like we said nothing more than like 34 hours a week would be successful yeah so taking away that time is okay above 34 exactly yeah it's interesting man it's like you also want recreation like recreation work your mind out a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to relight this or save it?

I'm good, dude. Even like video games, I think, as long as you don't get crazy with them, I think they're probably fun and beneficial. But the problem is, if you start super getting into jiu-jitsu the way you are into comedy, your comedy's going to take second position. It's got to. It's got to. Bjork, when she won that award for whatever

Dancer in the Dark. Bjork? The singer? She did acting once and she won like half the awards. Yeah. And then they were like, you're going to do that more? She said she felt like cheating on music. Ooh, powerful Bjork. I saw her house in Iceland.

Yeah. I saw her beat up a photographer in a video. What? Someone was following her around, taking pictures of her, and she started beating her ass. Little Bjork? Yeah. Yeah. Giving the fucking menopause punches?

Some lady was totally disrespecting her. She had a camera in her face, and she was filming her. Don't get out of the way for me. They had words. I don't know the exact scenario, but they had words. Really? Yeah, Bjork hit her. Bjork went after her? Yeah. Oh, I got to see that video. She swung on her, I the exact scenario, but they had words. Really? Yeah, Bjork had words. And Bjork went after her?

Yeah. Oh, I've got to see that video. She swung on her, I believe. Jamie, put up that video. Jamie, pull up that video. I'm a little high right now. Yeah, me too. I don't really totally remember the story, but I'm pretty sure she beat some person's ass.

I would love to see. Who would you most like to see fight who has no fighting experience or anything like that? Like Angelina Jolie and... Trump. To the death. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, sure. To the death. To the death. Jolie and... Trump. To the death. That's a good one. Yeah, sure. To the death. Absolutely. Whoever you choose. I was going to say Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston.

Wow. Them fighting? Yeah. Wow, that would be vicious. Yeah, it'd be vicious. Angelina Jolie's got crazy on her side though, right? I think Angelina Jolie would take it easily now that I think about it. She's got crazy all day. She's crazy. She drinks blood. Yeah.

She had an amulet filled with Billy Bob Thornton's blood that she kept around her neck. How do you survive that as a career? That's full-on publicly crazy. She's so gangster. That's full-on out there. You don't want to fight that girl. That'd be like fighting a wild cat. She'd bite you for sure.

For sure. For sure, dude. You're getting bit. She's probably going to fuck you up. You're going to realize you took her lightly as you're going unconscious. Oh, I see where I went wrong. Smashing your head off the side of a sink. I feel like she would attack you.

She's an assassin. It's a fucking movie, man. Like, whoa, I didn't see that coming. She would attack. You ever see I Let Them In? That remake of that vampire movie? Oh, yeah. You know what? I did see that. And the way that girl jumped on that guy under the bridge. Oh would attack. You ever see I Let Them In? That remake of that vampire movie? Oh, yeah. You know what? I did see that. And the way that girl jumped on that guy

under the bridge? Oh, yeah. That's how Angelina Jolie would attack you. Dude, that's a good movie. I forgot that movie. I saw the original one. Me too. And I thought, this movie's amazing. And then I was like, well, they're going to fuck up the remake. And they didn't. They didn't. They didn't fuck it up at all. Why? Low budget? Why? I don't know. They just nailed it.

Yeah, it was really great. It was good. Even good even the remake was great yeah i'm saying they did it they did it well sort of a new story but the same thing and you know what it's so hard to do a remake that it has to be undeniable yeah right and so it was so good that it was undeniable like everybody's like that's pretty fucking good did you ever see i got two movies for you especially terrifying a kid vampire and the old man who was like loved her dude because he's been with her for whatever years something about a kid vampire just scares the fuck out of us holy shit they could be amongst us a fucking kid vampire little like four foot tall thing running at you with crazy eyes and you're not allowed to hit back

part of you's like wait can i, wait, can I kick this? You can't even do anything anyway. Yeah, right. Superhuman power, right? Even that little girl. She would fuck those dudes up. There was no chance of her losing that. Yeah, no chance.

At night, no way. Vampires are on a totally different level. They're not humans. Who's that girl actor? She's good. She's very good. See, a vampire's not like Superman, though. No, exactly. So how strong are they? No, I vampire is not like Superman, though. No, exactly.

So like, how strong are they? No, I don't think you can. A stake through the heart. Yeah, but you got to get a stake in their heart. Right. So that's not like you couldn't beat it up to a point where it was done. He's going to kick your ass. Somehow or another, becoming a vampire makes you way stronger.

Do they heal like Wolverine? I don't think they get hurt, dude. I think until the stake goes in the heart, you can't really hurt them. They should wear heart plates above their heart. heal up dude like wolverine yeah but then they started changing that they started changing that right and like some of the later movies like what was that movie 30 days of night yeah i was good guys die like they they only it was like sunlight sunlight gets you for sure kill them with like silver or something some of them they make up new rules like you can kill them with silver or something? Some of them, they make up new rules.

Like, you can kill them with silver. Like, wait, isn't that a werewolf? You could do that in a movie. You just gotta be like, oh, no, no, that was wrong what those people thought. It's actually this. We got bullets with garlic in it. We're gonna kill them. Like, what?

Remember that? Like, garlic would kill them? Yeah, and then they had wood-tipped bullets. Yeah. So you could use machine guns on them. Well, Blade, the comic book superhero blade yeah had these teak wood knives he had wooden knives and he would hunt vampires and stab them to death and they were just with a wood knife but you had to have a wood knife

so we got this super hard wood wow yeah that was good dude the idea of vampires i think is haunted people forever because i think it's what people are capable of at their very worst drinking people's blood just survive inhuman just being inhuman you heard about some of the shit that went down in liberia what um where during the civil war they were capturing children from from neighboring tribes yeah they would eat their flesh they would eat their heart. This guy, there was one of the vice pieces on Liberia where he talks about

and describes how he would do it. How he would go to a neighboring tribe, capture one of their children, and eat his heart. Wow. Yeah, dude.

I'm going there in December. Oh my God, what are you doing, Ari? No, they're done with that now. I got Charles Taylor out of power. Yeah. My friends have all gone back. I'm going with somebody who's from there. Jesus, Ari? No, they're done with that now. They got Charles Taylor out of power. Yeah, I'm sure. My friends have all gone back. I'm going with somebody who's from there.

Jesus, Ari, stay home. Oh, he's my buddy from college. Jesus, Ari. What do you mean? Do you know how Liberia got started? Yeah, I just found out. Yeah. We never knew that as kids, right?

No. No, I didn't know about it until the Vice series. Apparently, they took a U.S. slave colony. Freed slaves. And sent them back to africa monroe jesus christ president monroe that's why they call their capital monrovia and liberia just means liberated dude and then chaos well yeah i mean whatever that happened later yeah but i mean how how crazy is it that that became one of the most chaotic spots in Africa? Wow.

I mean, imagine doing that. I heard someone at NPR, this was like 10 years ago. They were like, oh, no, it's safe now. They want people to come in. Oh, how dare they? Start walking back? Mm-hmm. I don't know shit about Liberia, by the way. If you're from Liberia, I'm just talking.

Jamie, pull that up, please. Jamie, pull that up. We go this way. Oh. I thought it was a loop. Oh, head rush. Wait, pull that up, please. Jamie, pull that up. We go this way. Oh. I thought it was a loop. Oh, head rush. Wait, give me a second. Do you know where you are?

I got a head rush. Damn. We went deep. Stood up too fast. Oh, yeah. I got too high. That's what it was. That's what it was.

That's been nice out here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You don't have that in New York, right? Not really. You get stuff here or there. We're not the selection and the amount and the fucking chillness about it. It's so silly.

Open it up. Stop. Yeah. Yeah. Plus, I was only back for like a month, so it's like I haven't really been smoking that much. This is nice. This is the land of it. Yeah.

I give Colorado number one. Oh, Colorado is way ahead of california state too and then like the way it looks norcal and then socal yeah well you know what it's like washington state or like oregon in the summer in the mountains oh oregon gets real flush hard to beat yeah i feel like in oregon everyone has their own plant in their backyard. Yeah. And they want to be like, hey, try mine. Try mine. Yeah. Those people aren't fucking around. Actually, I read an article and it said that they were not fucking around.

Wow. Officially. Yeah. They come out. The article was entitled, Are They Fucking Around? Yeah. All those specific Northwest people, they know how to grow some weed yeah jesus by the way my special is out right now today or yes today oh jesus sorry put this out is it really yeah double negative it's called i'm excited to present it to you guys so people can start streaming it right away right now dude yeah

that's awesome yeah yeah are you happy with the way everything worked out dude fuck yeah beautiful fuck yeah this is exactly why i had like it envisioned on some sort of digital type you know where you can get one episode on the other right right back to back just click on them it's two different specials but similar that's awesome yeah and then the actual special part came out really good but i worked it hard no i was talking to you about it too i took all those intermissions in uh in scandinavia and then you were like you gave me some good advice you're like that's fucking they're used to it out there man do it here yeah so i tried doing it here a bunch

till i got like the hang of it so it's nothing like new in this weird you know for the sake of weirdness right well it's very experimental man i mean you're you're doing a lot of cool shit you're having fun yeah you know that's what i get out of your podcast too yeah your podcast is an enthusiastic view of the world I mean that's your the end of the day you're a very enthusiastic person yeah you'd like you'd like a lot of cool shit yeah I like doing stuff you know and for me like knowing you as long as I have and knowing you when you weren't doing so good and you were depressed. It's so amazing seeing you so happy. Isn't it weird, man?

It's great. Forget about the starting to good in comedy and also like depression to like, yeah, it's fucking fine. Dude, it's amazing. Yeah.

You know? And, I mean, I'm sure there's a bunch of different factors physically, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think, I know you don't a bunch of different factors physically, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think, I know you don't like this, but I think those pills helped me.

Oh, no, no, man. You're one of the best examples ever. You and Beast. Remember Brian? And War Machine. He also, oh, wait, no, that went wrong. Sorry. What?

Do you remember? Brian from Beast from Tenth Planet. Tenth Planet? Yeah, I sort of remember him yeah yeah yeah yeah remember him badass uh jujitsu player yeah sick guard well helped him bro yeah well when they say yeah people want to put everything like black and whites yeah and it's like when they say over prescribed that doesn't mean it's always going to be bad yeah exactly you know that just means too much it's almost like with anything it's like everybody that we know that has had pain pill problems uh-huh they took the pain pills because

they worked right and then they just kept going crazy yeah yeah i mean if that's what happened to brett farve yeah had to check himself in oh well dude brendan job had an issue his friends really had to take the pills from him wow he was taking them every day several times a day for like months and his friends came over his house i hate dude dude dude no more of these and he said he had to you know he had to kick it and it was hard but he's a disciplined athlete right he's a strong minded dude you know he could kick it but maybe if you're like a weaker willed person that's more inclined to give in to things maybe you know maybe it would get you or maybe if you're like a weaker-willed person that's more inclined to give in to things, maybe it would get you. Or maybe if you have a chemical imbalance, it makes you like really super addicted.

Well, that's the thing. When you come off it, they're like, okay, here's the deal. You got to come off it real slow. I was on 150 milligrams of disipramine. And they were like, all right. And we found that through experimentation. And then they go, when you're coming off it, go to 125 for a week, every day for a week.

And then always monitor yourself. If you start thinking about suicide at all, you've got to call me immediately. Go back on this regular dose. Jesus Christ. Yeah, they tell you to really be careful, but not everybody does. And they go, fuck it, I'm done with that.

That was my last prescription. I don't want to go back to Rite Aid. Well, I think the better example might be the pain pill thing because it's painful for them to stop. Oh, right. They ache. Yeah. I mean, I think they're all crazy. Everything has its own crazy.

Hang on, hang on. Let me just look over there. What's that? I want to see over this cliff. Oh, cool. I mean, everything has its own crazy hang on hang on let me just look over there what's that i want to see over this cliff oh cool i mean everything has its own crazy but yeah i think those uh pain pills from just the experiences of people that i've talked to not firsthand stuff obviously but yeah they seem to grip you so hard people just can't shake them wow a lot of fighters man a lot of fighters get hurt, have surgery.

From all that. And then take a few pain pills, and then all of a sudden they've got a problem. Especially if you're a person who maybe had a problem in the past, and you took a break, and you were clean and sober, living the MMA life. And then suddenly. Yeah, and then you hurt your back or something, you needed the painkillers, you just took them, don't worry, I'll get off them. you hurt your back or something you needed the painkillers you just took them don't worry i'll get off them i mean there's it's just you're you're challenging people with these things in

a way that i don't necessarily know if it's fair you're challenging them with chemical addiction to trust for it yourself to handle yourself it's i mean i definitely think you should have the right to do whatever you want but i'm thinking like because it messes with your brain chemistry though right ability it's like asking a drunk person are you okay to But I'm thinking like... Because it messes with your brain chemistry though. It's like asking a drunk person, are you okay to drive? And it's like they have the worst judgment right now. Why ask them? You're taking someone,

putting them on a chemical fucking addiction to something and then say like, yeah, but use your regular mind. Yeah, you're putting them on a crazy cocktail. You're saying, oh, you got pain? Here, have some opiates. Take them all day. And you're just going to be in a heroin fog.

Yeah. Maybe you'll settle into that heroin fog. I know a dude who's got a fucked up back, and I know when he's on. Really? Oh, yeah, man. I talked to him. He's just all weirded out. Let's go take a selfie.

This is not a good place to take a selfie. Why over there? Why not? Okay. Let's go over by that water. How come not? I believe you. Oh, yeah.

Dude, this is gorgeous out here. I don't want to get these feet slippery because I got this weight on my back. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, here we go. All right. Do it right here? Yeah, sure. No, I have Okay. Here we go. All right. Do I right here? Yeah, sure.

No, I have no phone capable of taking this picture. That is, by the way, anyone thinking about getting a flip phone, everyone has a camera, you guys.

You'll never want to be without one. Yeah. That's true. Everyone wants to take it on their own phone anyway yeah that's true right i like that white bush thing on the side of the mountain the white bush yeah the thing coming out yeah what is that i don't know that looks like some Avatar shit. Yeah, real white. It's so weird when you look at plant life and the variety.

We just get really used to it. But if it didn't exist, it's like the whole world was the desert. And all was just sand dunes. And you got to see something like this. You'd be stunned by the amount of radiant energy it gives you. You know? If the whole world was a desert and all of a sudden they brought you

to like a creek, just a natural creek. You'd be like, what? You'd be like, holy shit. Can I touch it? Oh my God, it's alive around me. These plants, they're a life force. They're saying hi.

The forest says hi. Just some of us are not that good at listening, man. I tried to convince my Orthodox Jewish friend to do mushrooms. And he was like, I don't think God wants me to do that. I'm like, no, you're wrong. It's a fucking telephone that God left for you to talk to him. That's a good way of putting it. I keep saying, you got to pick it up.

Why else would he put it here? That's a good way of putting it. It wasn't man-made, dude. That's actually a very strong argument. God made it, stupid. It's like being on the other side of the glass when you when you're beating someone in prison yep pick up the phone talk pick up the phone you might be right sort of dude write that down somebody will write that down text it to you yeah for real though yeah you're right the only people that disagree with that

are people who don't do mushrooms. Yeah, or haven't. You've done it. Yeah. So Neil said that he took them. We did them in Banff last year. And he said he last took them in Amsterdam. And he took like, I think he took like 10 grams.

10 dried grams or something like that. Jesus Christ. Yeah, way too much. And then he was like, I didn't like it. It was too much for me. I'm like, I know. No one should do that much. Well, whatever. Not the real people. It was too much for me. I'm like, I know. No one should do that much. Well, whatever. Not the real people, but nobody knew.

Right. Those crazy Psychonaut-type characters. I can't handle 10 grams. Two? Three-eighths? Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah, almost a quarter. Three-quarters of a quarter? Is that it?

a quarter three quarters of a quarter is that yeah so you did acid we never talked about that did what acid yeah first time what'd you think about that very interesting how different how different how same it's very different it's um i didn't take a large dose yeah i took enough to enjoy it. Okay. It was really... What does that mean in real terms? A tab of something? A drop of something? I don't know.

A piece of an Altoid? I'm not... It was in a candy form. Okay. But what I got out of it was that all of these things, whether it's,

this is a great time to talk about this when we're on the full incline here, all these things are somehow related. What things? All these psychedelics. Oh yeah. Right. Even pot, even edible pot,

mushrooms, LSD. All of them are taken to like separate apartment rooms in God's gigantic apartment building. They all take you to different places. Yeah. Like DMD takes you to a different room. Mushrooms have a different party to show you, but it's all in the same realm. Somewhere. Let's go somewhere. Come over to this house with me it's of not here yeah you know and acid is definitely almost like what acid makes you feel like is that it wants to sort of change what here is you know what i mean yeah it's like what you say i know i think i have a pretty objective view of how I see reality.

And then acid goes, bitch, you don't know shit. This is not bad. This is something else. We could change it to something totally different. Yeah. Forever. And you'll be stuck over there. I know when mushrooms happens, it gets this place of, and I guess shrimp fest is over,

so you missed it, but you can still catch up. Look how pretty this is. gonna still catch up um how pretty this is but i've gotten to the place where it's like like you see the truth a lot on mushrooms ass is a little different yeah well you know um i felt like it was pretty introspective yeah but it was also calming in an interesting way like perspective enhancing calming you know i think that where you're like everything's gonna be okay yeah yeah you know but you see since it was the first time i did probably go into that with some preconceived notions yeah you never know because um larry hagman with some notions you know i think i did yeah larry Hagman from Dallas, before he died.

Really? He was doing all these interviews, and he was talking about important lessons in his life. I forget what the context was, but he said that he took LSD. Really? Larry Hagman? Mm-hmm. And that LSD took away his fear of dying. And I'll never forget that. He looked so peaceful when he said that to the lady who was interviewing him. I think it a lady that's bold he's a fucking network guy not even been a lady might have been

a dude and i turned him into a lady why i don't know draw your own conclusions but uh i think his his statements on it about it made him not afraid of death. And appreciating what life is and how life keeps moving. Are they making any sort of efforts to make that legal? I don't think so. I think you've got to tread carefully with all this stuff. Because you get one of these Jeff Sessions type characters. He gets in an office and starts muscling the laws around. They're just muscling the laws around. They don't want state rights

to take place. There's an elephant. An elephant in front of a lion right over here. It looks like an elephant standing in front of a lion. That rock formation. The rock, the one that looks like a nose and then down from there? Right, down from there.

It looks like an elephant. Where's the elephant? The thing with the trunk. looks like a nose and then down from there? Right, down from there. It looks like an elephant. Where's the elephant? The thing with the trunk, bro. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Can I see it? Wait. Yeah, I know. I do see the trunk there.

And the rock that's like sheer? Yes. And then something else juts out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. And where's the lion? Right behind it. Right behind it, about to eat it.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. See what I'm saying? Yeah. It almost looks like somebody carved that shit. It seems to me like a roided up rabbit. Like a javelina or something. Yeah. But it's still, no matter what, it's definitely attacking the elephant or next to him.

Yeah. Something's going on. Yeah. I can't believe I actually saw that. What in God's name were we just talking about? We are so high right now. Vampire movies? No, we did that a long time ago

and that hawk dude did you grow up with any sort of wilderness yeah a little bit hiking and stuff like that well when i lived in uh newton yeah newton is like a suburb of boston yeah that's where i went to high school and there was a lot of woods right across the street from my house the charles river was right across the street from my house so when i was in high school me and my friends would go out like the woods was right there it's like a river and some woods and it went back pretty far we would just always go in there we'd go fishing go fucking around the woods and really yeah you just like you're free we'd make forts and shit you know yeah and then just be out alone yeah yelling and screaming nobody's around you

yeah we did a lot of stupid shit. Yeah, but everybody's fine. Yeah. But there was a little bit of woods right outside my house. It was by no means rural. It's a suburb. But in the suburbs around Boston, you get these areas that are just big patches of woods. Right, right, right.

They just haven't done anything to it yet. Well, their forests are different, man. A lot around my place. Everything grows there. Really? Well, it rains. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. They just haven't done anything to it yet. Well, their forests are different, man. A lot around my place. Everything grows there. Really? Well, it rains. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get the woods in Maine or something like that.

That's the fucking woods, man. I mean, it's thick. Thick timber, man. Like when you're driving up, there's a road you take. That's when the highway's both sides just green on both sides, but you can't see anything. Just woods. Just woods. Dude, there's a road that you take where you were going to where Stephen King lived.

Where the fuck did he live? Salem? No. God damn it. Portland, Maine? Portland, Maine? No, he didn't live in Portland. God damn it.

It was Maine though, right? I'll come back to it. Yeah. Shit. Was it Portland, Maine? No. God damn it. Maine people are going to be so mad at us.

Maine people love Maine. Where at? Did you know that? Man at you. What? Maine people, they love Maine. They love Maine? They call them maniacs.

Oh, really? Yeah. They love Maine. Talk shit about Maine, they'll try to kill you. Like Hawaiians? I used to go up there and talk shit about Maine. They would fucking get up and yell at you. Really?

Yeah. You can't even joke around. I love Yeah. You can't even joke around. I love that. You can't even joke around. There's nothing up there. Calm down. Calm down. They get so mad.

Well, that's true. You think where you're from? Yeah. How's that? Where you're from sucks. Yeah. All right. We're like barely establishing tribalism.

There's like tribes of states that are competing with other states still. Yeah. We should probably break off, right? Some states should break off. They're doing it in Europe. They kind of are, right? Czechoslovakia. Like, why are we still together?

Let's just get out of here. You guys go on your way. We'll go on ours. It's all too confusing, man. Like, I don't understand the military. You could have like open border crossings between them all or something yeah but i mean i don't understand how how would that work if people just if we put the military is the military how does the military work you're saying we get invaded

too fast well i don't think so because we still have the same amount of people it's still the same each state maybe it's not like the military becomes weak yeah you have to figure out like how does it get paid and how does it make sure that it's just protecting us and not under the will of anybody that has some various intentions now that there's no states or now there's no, you know. Yeah, one power. There's no one power. You don't want to be like the country of California, man. I guess maybe when it was back to where it was in the beginning where the states really felt like, no, I'm a Virginian, man, and then an American.

Well, let's just be real, right? States are bullshit. Yeah, bullshit. The same reason why countries are bullshit. Parts of Ohio are smart parts of kentucky what happened in world war one what happened in world war two states invaded states it's the same thing yeah it's like us being invaded by nevada it's the same thing we would lose right yeah probably lose they have a lot of guns we're weak people here but you really think about that that's exactly what it's like if germany invades poland

yeah right right right now they're both in the eu yeah i mean they're both just like right next to each other how far away is germany to poland um like how long does it take to drive germany to poland if you had a guess drive inside a day inside a day probably i bet wait yeah i bet about that's like us going to war with colorado with Vancouver. You could get to Colorado in a day if you had to. Yeah. If you took Adderall. You couldn't get to Montana from there, from here in a day. I don't know.

We did Vancouver to LA. It took us like 27 hours. We had three people. We just kept switching. So only stop for gas. And it took like 27. So move that line like over some and then where's that? Wow.

Yeah, I think if you could just stay awake, you could go pretty far. Four people split in a day. Yeah. If you could just stay awake, you'd go pretty far in a day. But the point is, that's the people that we'd be at war with.

Right. That's fucking bananas. That's what they did. Yeah. These people went to war with other states don't call it a state, don't call it a country it's just people on that side went to war with people on that side they were as close as Nevada

you know when Nevada's only four hours away driving but as close as Colorado at least imagine going to war with Colorado we might win the... no, we'd get fucked up dude people would bail people would just start swimming

they would jump in the water yeah yeah they got to a disposable cash they'd just be like I'll just go to

England too many people would just get in their boat get out of there watch from a shore yeah watch it lighten

flames from the shore oh it's a good revolution this time it's a pretty one how do you think we would survive a real revolution like if something fucking bananas happened well It's a pretty one. How do you think we would survive a real revolution?

Like if something fucking bananas happened? Well, you've got to think they'll kill all the dissidents as fast as they can. Everyone with like a voice. Hmm. And then shut down the internet. Hmm. Or at least shut down the internet. Yeah, they'd have to establish their own internet, right?

Yeah, yeah, so they could use it and then um that would be so evil yeah that's so like avengers but you'd be like fine i'm in line i'm in line i'll do it what do you want well i'll do it and it's like turn the internet back on please let me i'll i'll find you win we surrender can we get back our stuff and they'd be like i don't know if we can trust you guys yeah you guys already broke from the team yeah we're team players over here yeah you're ready to keep moving yeah and then you get some and they'd be like, I don't know if we can trust you guys. Yeah, you guys already broke from the team. Yeah. We're team players over here. Yeah. You ready to keep moving?

Yeah. And then you get some revolutionaries like, I need you. You're like, come on, man. I'm not fucking strong like that. Get somebody else. Like in Homeland? Remember that? I only watched it

until they hung that dude. What dude? The redhead? Homeland, yeah. Oh, well. After they hung him, I'm like, I'm out, yo. I watched before that. Oh, that should have been the end of ithead? Homeland, yeah. Oh, well. After they hung him, I'm like, I'm out, yo. I watched before that.

Oh, that should have been the end of it for sure. Yeah. He was the whole show. Yeah, that dude's badass. Yeah. How do you kill that guy? That's ridiculous.

How do you kill him? Yeah, why'd you kill that guy? Contract dispute, probably. I mean, it had to be. Yeah, why would he leave? This guy's amazing. I don't want to do this anymore and they would be like,

all right, we'll just end it. They went on after that? Yep. What's that? Oh, that's stupid. That's just a money grab. Bangor, Maine. Bangor, Maine.

Bangor, Maine. Yes, yes. Sorry, Bangor. Yes. We smoked way too much pot for this podcast. I believe it was the right amount. What, uh, so how was it different than mushrooms? Acid.

How long did it last? Let's say that. Where'd you do it? I just took it at the studio. Oh. Shh. People are listening. Do you want it around outside a little bit?

What? Yeah. Okay. I want it inside. Maybe I didn't take enough to have like a super profound acid experience. Yeah. You know, but I've taken it a couple of times. Did you stay up way late?

The same dosage. Uh, no. Well, I took him in Edinburgh last time and it was like, just till the sun came up and then 10 a.m. Not even like just when the sun came up. I mean,

I just kept walking and walking, but I found hills like this. So I wasn't like looking to go to sleep. I was just thinking about you. You just keep thinking though, right it doesn't doesn't like edible pot do that to to just get you thinking in a pretty profound way too yeah i think with those i hate using that word in casual conversation profound profound you're just not using it for burgers and stuff. So, yeah, it's a profound ground beef. It's just such a douchebag phrase.

Yeah. Whew. Ropes of shit. Ropes. Ropes, bro. Passing by the ropes. Ropes, bro. So, anyway, yeah, watch my special.

R for R, Shafir. Double negative. If you like it, tell five friends. Welcome to Netflix. Thanks. So, it was good for you huh the shit yeah it's uh all the countries i went to they can see my special yeah netflix can put something on you can watch it at any time any place you have an internet connection a real one you can't do it on a plane yet right you can watch can't you load it up can't you load it up?

Some of them they have in the seats. Oh yeah. Depending on the airplanes. Wait, but how does Netflix work? Can you load it up on your, like on your phone beforehand or no, it's only stream.

No, you can only stream it. Okay. But I guess that's what solves the piracy qualms sort of, but I'm sure people can pull it off of Netflix netflix and then stream it i mean i'm positive right yeah anyway whatever regardless of that yeah it's still pretty uh accessible yeah it's super accessible the point is it's just an awesome platform yeah and they have you know so much stand up there now it's the spot to be they really do have a lot of stand up. It's pretty great.

Yeah. It's like the place to go for it. Yeah, it's pretty badass. You can find what you want. There's so many different choices too and you can also

stumble into people. Oops. Speaking of stumble. Yeah, kind of like when Rolling Stone put out the top five albums of the week. You know?

Yeah. And if you saw it, you're like, that's a good review. I'll get that. Yeah. You know? For sure.

Just like, I've always heard about that guy. Let give him let me give him a look you know what's a good one you've seen lately i can't wait for rory's when's that scoville it's out now i mean a month ago it's out now it's out now on netflix yeah it's always just out now um yeah he's just always really funny i I hear great things. Really out there. I haven't seen him, but I hear awesome shit. He's so weird and different, but not weird weird, just like, I don't know, you gotta see it. He's just always trying crazy shit. I think I might have saw him in LA somewhere once.

He did this thing with John Doerr, where they, first time I saw it, I was in Montreal where I'm hosting a nasty show right now with Big J and Jimmy Carr. Okay, anyway, so what was I saying, man? Get me there. I have no idea. Damn it. Lost in a world of marijuana frequency interruptions. Yeah. Damn it. Take a break. Collect your thoughts. Okay.ions. Yeah. Damn it.

Take a break. Collect your thoughts. Okay. Hmm. I was talking about something. You were definitely talking about something. Saw it in Montreal. Had a something.

Hmm. What were we talking about? December? To find new people? Got it. Got it. What is it? So I'm at a show.

Small place. Right. And Reggie Watts is hosting. It was like eight, nine years ago. He was big, but not like massive. And it was fun. And about two people in, he's like, hey, by the way, everybody, he's a good host. He does weird stuff and does it well.

He goes, by the way, we had a comic dropout. So hope you guys don't mind. Everyone's doing a little extra time. And everyone's like, yeah, fucking sweet. And then he goes through the show a little bit. And then he goes, okay, so here's the problem like everyone ended up showing up so now we're behind so we actually have to be out here because festival rules so the last two comics agreed just to go on together is that cool with everybody and then they do right everyone claps

and then they both just start doing their own bits over each other oh just like talking they're not going to go back to back at all they're both just doing their own acts oh no yeah and i'm telling you man it should have been funny for 30 seconds and nine and a half minutes later i'm dying laughing that's hilarious it was so fucking good really yeah and then sometimes one would like go to get his breath and you just hear not my light bulb you know from the other one and then it would like go like that and it was like sometimes at some point you hear like you guys like impressions it it was so good wow that's amazing yeah that's one of those things i was thinking that's gonna be terrible oh no yeah i know right and they didn't plan it no no they planned it oh they did plan yeah yeah like how far in advance i guess they had done it a bunch oh but reggie

just set it up real well oh that's brilliant yeah oh yeah no they didn't just start talking and refuse to give in have you imagined that would be amazing yeah no they didn't just start talking and refuse to give in have you imagined that would be amazing yeah if they like i'm not i'm not the first to break yeah neither one of them got upset it's like no i had these people on this side they had them pretty good how'd you do on your side that's hilarious man yeah act outs and stuff anyway he's always doing shit like that so it's like just really fun i don't know so that's what i'm looking forward to um i don't know who else i saw burrs i saw i gotta see louise i don't know who else how about you um i gotta finish on there i gotta finish looking oh yeah

i gotta compile a list it's also just when you feel like it at some point. You're just sitting there like, oh, you know what? I'll see a stand-up special today. Last thing I saw was Burr's new special, which I liked. I like Burr's new special. I think... I like the Ali Wong special. I never would have got to see that otherwise. She's fucking hilarious.

Yeah, that was really good. I like working with her at the store, too. She's super nice. Fuck her. Jesus, dude. I thought we agreed. Yeah, she's cool. She's nice.

Yeah. Let's keep going. Okay. Yeah, I like that one a's nice. Yeah, let's keep going. Okay. Yeah, I like that one a lot. Birds was really funny. We sound like a Netflix commercial. Yeah, yeah. Just trying to pump up the show, folks.

Don't get all shilly on me. Oh, yeah. Fucking chills. You guys are Netflix chills. You know Hulu's where it's at. You fucking pussies. Amazon Prime is so superior. Did you see the Alexa Jones?

Where it's like you talk to Amazon. Has that Alexa? Is it the box? Yeah. What's Alexa Jones? It's Alex Jones. So you talk to him. It's like, yeah, Illuminati's watching you right now from the

skies. Alexa, please, conspiracy theory. Well, you're not... It's really funny, man. That's funny. They made a video of it. What do you think of that story, of people getting mad that he was on TV at all, I guess? It's super complicated.

Why? It just seems like this is fucking Maury. Relax. Yeah. What Megyn Kelly said that justifies it in my eyes is that she said he's not going away. She's like, look, he's a guy who's out here. He's doing his thing. Let's find out what the fuck he really does.

Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like that. I don't know. Well, yeah, you want to hear all sides. And he has been around for a while. He doesn't do much mainstream shit, right? No.

Not much at all. Dude, it's amazing how tired you get. Just a little uphill. This bitch ass 45 pound plate on. Dude, this is fucking gorgeous out here. Yeah, it's pretty. Those rocks are great. California has so many of these.

This place is awesome. Did you just start coming out here. Yeah, it's pretty. Those rocks are great. California has so many of these, too. This place is awesome. Did you just start coming out here? No. Okay. No, I've always... There's a bunch of different places I go. Different paths and stuff? Because you can go that way or that way when we went before.

I got a really cool place that has more people, but it's pretty fucking spectacular. Really? Yeah, I'll take you next time. Okay. Yeah, it's pretty fucking spectacular really yeah i'll take you next time okay yeah it's good hiking that'd be a cool house to have with your backyard either one of those yeah oh they have steps right into the yep right into it it's so pretty out here yeah but this place you know all these places around here yeah but this place you know all these places around here like this is where the fires hit man well really oh it must have just torn right up and right over their houses yeah oh every now and

then yeah if you get an ember it goes right up the thing it's a panga gets lit up some dickhead throws a cigarette out the window i saw a fire start on the back wall of pink dot like in the parking lot from my bathroom window. You can see it just a little bit. And it climbed up that wall. Within like 10 minutes, it was all fucking gone and over. Woo. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Every place would be really. Yeah. Imagine if we would get to a point where that never happened anymore if you get people to just stop robbing people and beating people up and shit

unless it's a prearranged fight imagine how much better the world would be if just people stopped robbing each other just be like just fucking have your stuff. I'll have my stuff. It'd be a huge step. Yeah, it would be pretty good.

If that never was an issue. If Trump was like, all right, all the rest of this stuff that you guys hated before, it's way worse than you think. But, I'd be like,

no more robbers at all. If like robbing people was as rare as cannibalism. Yeah. You know? You think there is that in America? In America?

Yeah. Not really. Somewhere think there is that in America? In America? Yeah. Not really. Somewhere in the world for sure. There's got to be neighborhoods where you're pretty safe most of the time. Dude, there was an island in Indonesia where as of 1999, they were headhunting. Woo! Yeah. They would stop for a while, and then like another country would come in there and say,

hey, you guys, go back to headhunting. And they just would for like 40 years. There's something really dark about a dude chasing after your head. Yeah. They say if you drink the blood. Fucking, what are their names? I forget now. Of your enemy that was fighting you.

It's just super powerful. Oh, boy. But only if they're fighting you. Jesus. Jesus. Good workout, huh? Yeah, it is. Thanks.

Especially when you're talking. Yeah, we don't breathe right. Yeah. You have to see what people are talking to each other about the whole time. That's a beautiful thing about what the Diaz brothers can do. Talk and fight. Yeah. I hate when they shut them up.

I get so mad at that. This has nothing to do with the rules. That's what I'm saying. Let them talk. this has nothing to do with the rules that's what i'm saying let him talk there's nothing to do with the rules was it a fucking dick shot no yeah i wonder what that is if he's running and talking he'd be like hey shut your fucking mouth i just wonder if that's written somewhere i don't think they should say anything yeah then it's like dude don't get people to be involved in the fight i agree especially when a lot of fighters enjoy doing it yeah dennis johnson or michael johnson rather dennis johnson michael the menace yeah johnson you can only talk trash with your hands that's the new rule fuck that it's like i don't think you should do it but i think if you want to do it

it's your right yeah who's the worst trash talker in MMA? The worst? Yeah. Who have you seen be like, oh, dude, shut up. You're so bad at this. Hmm. That's a good question. A lot of them do that and they wait for this applause. It never comes. And you're like, oh, yeah, man, that wasn't that great a line. Well, Randy Couture is almost too nice.

Yeah. To be a trash talker. Yeah. No, I mean of the people who do it. Oh. People who do it badly. Um, but Randy would never really talk trash. No, Randy wouldn't do it. He wouldn't be on the list do it. Oh. People who do it badly. But Randy would never really talk trash. No, Randy wouldn't do it.

He wouldn't be on the list. Yeah. But do you think that a lot of guys are doing it now? Yeah, to get famous. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm saying, so you've got to get a lot of those guys who don't know how to do it right. Yeah, well. Like the poker players did that a lot, where they started like, oh, if you're flamboyant, you'll get on more, get more sponsorships.

But you can see people faking it. That's true. if you're flamboyant you'll get on more get more sponsorships but you can see people faking it that's true and also part of what's exciting about a guy like connor yeah there's only one of them yeah like there's a bunch of other people that are loud-mouthed and funny and they're all doing it back and forth with each other he's not the unicorn. Yeah. Dude. This pack is kicking my ass. Yeah. 45 pounds.

It adds up after a while, huh? Yeah, it does. You know what I mean? It's almost like there'd be too much white noise if there was 10 Connors. You know what I mean? Yeah, it'd be annoying.

It's like, all right, he's unique. Leave him alone. Yeah, if somebody really wanted to diminish him, they would just make a bunch of other dudes talk exactly like him. Mm-hmm. Nullify him. Yeah, do the exact same thing.

I'm the number one Irish fighter. Yeah. All the violence on my side. Have a massive troll. Mm-hmm. Lots of fixed fights, a guy with a gut. Did you see that video of him faking getting punched for the Mayweather fight? What, Connor did?

They were like, he looks terrible. What do you mean? He's just like, he's like, it's not as bad as I'm doing it, but it's one step above. What did he do?

Where like, he doesn't know boxing, look at his fights, they had a hidden camera of him fucking, of Conor, of Conor sparring? Yeah.

Yeah, I saw that video of him sparring with that professional boxer. It's fake. He knows how to punch. He was blocking it like with his fucking, I don't think it's fake.

No way. He was just moving around with a guy who was a really good boxer. Yeah. He was how to punch. He was blocking it like with his fucking... I don't think it's fake. No way. I think he was just moving around with a guy who was a really good boxer. Yeah. He was trying to find his range. He was trying to be unorthodox. And that guy was a very skillful boxer. I forgot his name. Maybe you could remember his name for the outro.

Find out his name. It's your podcast. Oh, dude. It's yours. No, it's yours. How's it mine? You're going to put it out. Oh, I want to put it out.

Yeah, the day of the special. Okay. Confused the shit out of me. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, whatever. We got it now. I got it together. I'm so put it out yeah the day is special okay confuse the shit out of me yeah yeah okay well whatever we got it now i got it together i'm so high i forgot the timing what was i saying jamie look up that fighter's name who was a skilled fighter that oh the guy that connor was boxing is very good he's very good like you can see beautiful crisp motions he's a solid professional boxer yeah like at a really high level and uh he you know definitely got the better of connor yeah but that doesn't mean that like connor wasn't working on specific

things or wasn't working that much on boxing when did this happen what was he really trying to concentrate on oh right maybe you're just trying to work on range where you're like all right let me get close to you and see he could be trying to work on a lot of things he could be it looks stupid bad though you're right it does he could be trying to take as minimal amount of damage as possible not commit himself very much but see what it's like to move around and spar with a guy who's a world-class boxer that guy's like if they had hidden camera footage of you like on your back and you're like no i was working off my back for that whole two months well most jujitsu guys i think are super aware of that kind of stuff like there's a lot of guys but it would be similar to he's like, no, what you think is bad is not bad at all.

I'm trying to get in that position. Yeah, you can get a picture of Jean-Jacques getting stuck in side control every day with one of his blue belts. He lets you do it so that he gets you in a position and he's like, okay, I'm going to sweep you now. And then he starts moving. The next thing you know, you're on your back. But you can take pictures of it right there and say, oh, my God, that guy was getting the better of jean-jacques he had him in side control you'd be like no way he got jean-jacques in a four second clip yeah just play that i mean you don't really know what you're looking at but you know you're looking at a guy who's a super high level boxer that guy looks

he looks sweet i like what he's doing and he's he's definitely getting the better of connor it didn't look good on connor's part but again i don't know what connor was working on i don't know if he was maybe be you know how many training sessions he's doing a day what do you know whether he's got injuries why is he just boxing he's gonna have an mma fight is it is it before the nate diaz fight when is it exactly that they were sparring oh right oh yeah good point could have been fucking years ago who is he preparing for you know was he preparing to throw kicks was he working on his range from a chance in the world at mayweather who the fuck knows i say no way more than i don't know shit but i say no way is it less than eight four mayweather no way as far as the rounds yeah

like dominating the fight probably 10-2 maybe even you would be crazy to bet on a guy with zero professional he's never done it it's almost rude to boxing to say he has a chance. Almost, man. And he's taken on literally the greatest defensive boxer ever. Right. I mean, come on, son. Good. Yeah, exactly.

It's almost like, come on, stop. It's like those people who stand up just on the spot. Yeah. It's kind of similar. It's kind of similar, but Conor does know how to punch, and he punches very hard. Yeah, but with little gloves. You're right. But he's a bigger guy, and...

He's bigger? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's a lot bigger. And he's going to have... Are you going to watch it live? No. Oh. Because I sold out two shows in D.C., bitch.

Really? Where are you playing? Some theater. That's where I grew up. Oh, shit. That., bitch. Really? Where are you playing? Some theater. That's where I grew up. Oh, shit. That's right. You know what it's called? You never know that stuff. I do not.

Yeah. I'll be there, Washington, D.C., whatever your theater's called. Hey, Hebrew Academy, go head out and see Joe Rogan. That's where you went? For a little while, then Jewish Day School. Wow. I switched because I was a bad kid. You're a bad kid.

I went to a less religious school. Have you ever met a comedian that wasn't a bad kid? Hmm. Like troubled? Like, like, like... At least troubled. Yeah, at least troubled. Were there any kids, though, that were not troubled?

I mean, do your kids get in trouble? Not, I mean... Like, once a year, they don't get in trouble? I mean, they, you know, they're kids. They do stupid things sometimes, so they don't understand. I shouldn't even say stupid. I would say they do careless things sometimes, because they don't understand.

Yeah. But, you know... But not like a real troublemaker. Because they're little. No. No, I mean your big one, too. No. Yeah, I don't know many comics who weren't in trouble a lot.

I feel like people are learning every generation how to be nicer to their family members. Yeah. Every generation, they're getting better at it. You know, I had a buddy when I grew up in Boston, and his dad was super strict. And dad would, you know, fucking hit him and scream at him and shit. His dad was crazy and uh you know he had had enough of it by the time we were in high school and it's uh i don't know it's hard to see shit like that enough of his like mouthing off

he had enough of his dad hitting him oh really yeah so he hit him back or he just said get the fuck off me back but he gets close to that but i think what my point is like i think in his dad's generation that's what everybody did they beat the shit out of their kids and then his generation before that they beat the shit out of their kids and i think like people today are figuring out how to be nicer to each other like every day we're getting better at it seems like it i really believe that man i really believe that i really believe that people are getting better at being just saying hey how are you just being nice i wonder if some of this like you know the division that's happening now between you know liberal and conservative and like left and right and stuff

where it's make people like sort of appreciate sometimes with me it helps where it's like all right we're giving up a lot of freedoms but we still got some like walking up fucking forest like that right you know nature that's like great yeah so with that you get the thing too it's like look whatever but let's be kind to each other right or no well i just think that um people i mean this is i've been dwelling on this more than any other thought in the last few years, is that people are all redlined. They're all taxed out. Like as far as the amount of stress they go through without physical exercise,

the amount of angst and anxiety they go through without resolution. Their life just seems to stay in the same state. There's so many people that find themselves in these traps yeah i've been thinking about it more and more over the last few years and what happens to them it's just it's just nothing comes good out of it right you know yeah so what does that do with niceness? I think that just trying to look at, trying to look at what's the, what are the good interactions that you ever have with people? How much of them are initiated by you? Right.

How much of them are initiated by a situation that maybe could have gone sideways if you were defensive? If you were just not, yeah. If we were just like, Hey, what? And like laugh instead of like, what? And we've all fucked up. Dude, there's so much standoffishness here. I you look at people they look down like like almost like try to intimidate you it's just like for what i mean maybe it's gone but it was like i just saw

friendliness before and then it's like there's still there's indifference here but there's like this meanness it's there well there's some for sure but there's also an overpopulation issue yeah you know they did some kind of crazy study on a radio lab podcast again radio lab plug radio lab boom they talked about how there's this direct correlation between how fast people are walking like how many steps they take like per minute on average yeah versus the population in that city And how many syllables they say in a certain amount of time. How quickly they talk. Oh, really?

Because you have no time to actually formulate words because everyone's going to interrupt you because there's so many people? So you talk faster? Probably. Wow. Like Dave Smith at Asian Skanks? Trying to get it in quicker. Yeah. You can't just lay back.

Right. So it's like rush. Yeah. Like, right. Big families. You've got to rush to get like rush. Yeah. Like, like, uh, right. Big families. You got to rush to get that chicken. Yeah. Oh, interesting.

Fascinating. Right. Yeah. So they found that like small towns, slower walking, slower talking. And you could tell by setting up cameras in two locations on a busy street, how fast people walked. Yeah. You could tell the exact population of the city.

Wow. Really? Yeah. Wow, really? Yeah. Wow. People walk fast in New York. They really do. It's like if you don't walk fast enough, you better get to the side. Yeah. It's almost like athletics.

Uh-huh. Yeah. They put a hustle to it. I was walking with a girl and she was like, where are you going? Why are you running? People bump people too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of bumping. I had some lady call me a dick oh yeah wow i tried to get by she's putting on her coat i waited for a

minute and they're like oh fuck it i'll just get by her wow and then i walked by she started walking so like you know hit shoulder to shoulder not hard or anything and then i kept going and then she was like dick and i was like all right i'm not gonna get into it so i kept walking she was like dick i kept walking and she was outside too just screaming dick oh my god how many times probably four times outside and then the two inside have you done this on stage yet no yeah there's something there dude it was like jesus let it go i brushed by you can you imagine when a psychopath what a guy would have to be, if a guy was doing that to you, how scared you'd be? Dick, you dick. You'd be like, oh my God, I bumped a crazy guy.

Yeah, I better get the fuck out of here. Yeah, sorry, bro. Oh, no part of me was like, at that point, turning around like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, so we were camping. This goes to that point.

And we're in this good ravine. This lady's looking at us. We're walking here with hold on microphones while we hike. I got a backpack on with a weight plate on it that's colored like Captain America's shield. You don't have a shirt on. She definitely thinks we fucked. That lady looked at me like I knew it. These are the best fucking woods.

I knew it. I see him there. I knew those guys were homos. The guy had a Captain America's shield on his back. It was Fred, I don't know, shirt on. The other guy has his comrade in his back pocket. Let's kill this. What?

Oh, okay. This podcast, I mean. Oh, okay. Oh, because we can't. Let's wrap it up. Okay. I gotta get a move on. All right. Well, thanks, Joe. Nice seeing you. My pleasure, okay. Podcast, I mean. Oh, okay. Oh, because we're here. Let's wrap it up. Okay. I got to get a move on. All right.

Well, thanks, Joe. Nice seeing you. My pleasure, brother. This was fun. Yeah. So this was, we just call it, hey, why don't we do this as a swap cast? No, just put it out. Want to do that?

You put it out and I'll put it out. We'll call it the- Yeah. Yeah, we'll do- On that day? The kids, they call them swap casts. Do your own intros? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. I'm not going to do an intro. Oh, you're not? Nah. Just put it out. Yeah intros yeah yeah yeah okay i'm not gonna do an intro are you not just put it out yeah just put it out okay you can do an intro though i like your intros yeah it's one of my favorite parts of your podcast thanks your intros are brown ass you put a lot of thought into them yeah i do them over and over again sometimes yeah it makes the podcast a little more because it's a little something more you know yeah you got a really good work ethic dude you know you're a guy who can fuck off for a few months. Yeah.

And disappear and vanish and shit, but... Rejuvenated, though. But when you're doing stuff, you have a really good work ethic. Yeah. It's really inspiring. Thanks, man. Yeah, thanks. That's nice of you.

Well, I think, you know, one of the things that I've learned... Yeah, I like working. I like doing this stuff. Me too. One of the things that I've learned, in the course of my life that the more people that I'm around that are doing things that are inspiring to me,

the more I feel good. Like I feel good being around people that are kicking ass. Right. Like it feels good, dude. Yeah. You know?

Oh right, to be around people who are like high level. Dude, and also to be around people that are your friends that are kicking ass. And right,

parties on. Whether it's Diaz or you. This guy's on a show, this guy's making money. And right. Parties on. Whether it's Diaz. This guy's on a show. This guy's making money. This guy's got an audience. This guy's doing this. Everybody's killing it. Yeah.

It's amazing. It's a pretty good time. They bitch, man, about the vloggers, but that's just a small negative with a giant positive. Yeah. You know what? People are always going to have opinions on things. Yeah. But the giant positive is there's a lot of people that get to enjoy your content.

And I think over a while it evens out. There's a lot of people that are just looking for things to criticize and looking to be outraged and looking to try to figure out what's the next angle

for their outrage. And really a lot of it is really just a kind of creative exercise looking for easy targets or good targets. Yeah. And it makes sense to me.

I totally understand it. It's almost like convincing yourself and still trolling. Yeah. But I think that we're entering into a very interesting time as far as like your ability to distribute stuff yeah yeah just like put it right out cool stuff that people enjoy like podcasts you know yeah i mean a bunch of people we don't even know just went on a hike with us what do you mean oh right this yeah i mean what are you talking about i never met these folks

no they just went on a legit hike with us. Yeah. For a few miles. Yeah, don't forget, if you heard him get winded, it's obviously because he's carrying 45 pounds on him. It is not that heavy. A lot of guys use 90. Because a lot of guys, they do these things, they put 90 on them. Why, so you can walk with elk?

They walk like six, seven miles. They're savages. Oh, right. That's the thing about bow hunters in particular. Yeah. Like, people have no idea. That's an athletic endeavor. 100%. You're trying to keep your heart

rate low. You're going up hills to get close to these animals. If you're out of breath, you're going to make a shitty shot. You have to be able to keep it together under pressure. That's an athletic event. How realistic is Daryl from Walking Dead? Not very. Not very. He gets no pass-throughs. Everything sticks in the head. A pass-throughs. Everything sticks in the head.

Oh, yeah. A pass-through is if it goes in your head so easy. Why doesn't it go out your head so easy? I know. Especially those skulls are those things where you can punch right through them sometimes. He doesn't get any pass-throughs. Oh. Like, I would think a crossbow, those mushy-ass zombie heads, you'd get clean pass-throughs.

I would just blow right through the head. Yeah, right? Does he get three at once? Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. All right. Well. Fun times, Ari Shaffir. Thanks. right through the head yeah right does it get three at once yeah anyway anyway all right well fun times are your fear i'm bummed out that you're headed to new york again i know when are you coming next i don't know man work it out there's a ufc down there in november really i'll be there for that master square garden oh okay oh shit yeah i'll go to that do it i'm inviting myself i guess you're going you're going for sure that'll be fun yeah I'll miss you man

it was nice seeing you a few times when are you going are you doing anything on the road we'll talk about let's talk like as real friends let's shut this off okay shut this off