The Jordan Harbinger Show - 183: Lisa Lampanelli | Changing Careers at the Top of Your Game

Episode Date: April 9, 2019

Lisa Lampanelli (@LisaLampanelli) recently lost 100 pounds, retired from a Grammy-nominated career in comedy that spanned three decades, and is now a life coach who runs transformational food and body-image workshops and performs issue-oriented storytelling shows. What We Discuss with Lisa Lampanelli: How Lisa made her last career pivot -- from rock journalist to comedian. How Lisa engineered her image as comedy's "Loveable Queen of Mean." The psychology of a celebrity roast and the toll it takes in the name of good fun. How Lisa lost over 100 pounds and what she learned along the journey. Why Lisa formally retired from comedy recently to focus on helping others. And much more... Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! If you want to listen to a podcast that will help you avoid financial common pitfalls every entrepreneur faces, check out How To Always Profit First with Mike Michalowicz, Self-Made Man here! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally! Full show notes and resources can be found here.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to the show. I'm Jordan Harbinger. As always, I'm here with my producer, Jason DeFilippo. Many of us have quit something or retired from one career and started another. However, when it comes to comedy, few people have quit when they're at the top of the game. Today's guest, Lisa Lampinelli, did just that. Lisa's built a reputation for herself in the comedy world by being pretty shocking and crushing it when it comes to roasts and insult comedy. She has sold out arena shows, She's got best-selling books and has all the right ingredients for a great career in the space. So what caused her to jump out of that and do a brand new space that is in a seeming 180 dedicated to the service of others?

Today, we'll explore that shift and how we might discover that it's time to make a shift of our own. Oh, and folks, it's Lisa Lampinelli. So make sure the kids aren't in the car when you listen to this one, because she might not be doing stand-up anymore, but she's still Lisa Lampinelli. If you want to know how I've managed to create such an awesome network around myself, whether you love these types of guests or hate them, check out our free course, six-minute networking over at Jordanharbinger.com slash course. I think the one thing we can't argue with is that the network has brought a lot of amazing opportunity to the show and to my life personally. So for business and personal reasons, I highly recommend this. And honestly, it's free.

I've created this. I wish I had this 10, 20 years ago. Jordanharbinger.com slash course. All right. Here's Lisa Lampinelli. I did read your book to prep for this. Oh. And well, that is ancient.

Yeah. I'm shocked you can find a copy. It's on Audible. Oh, actually it's great because the ending is seemingly just a bunch of bits that you were like, I don't know where to put these in the books. Like here they all are at the end. Here's my opinions on a million things.

Yeah, the publisher wanted that. Oh, really? Oh, nice. Yeah, it's good. And then you have, I don't know if I'm supposed to spoil the ending here, but you have George Dekai do a reading of one of the chapters. Yeah. Well, what was so funny about George is that I had a list of very,

a very short list of because back then people were having like a celebrity with an interesting voice do a read of a chapter. Oh, okay. And I was just like, okay, I thought of George, Dice. You know, I was just thinking of like weird voices and funny. And George was the first one I asked and he said yes. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah. Talking about sex coming out of the mouth of George decay, you can't get better.

Yeah, like Catholic school, which you had gone to. Those nuns must be so proud. Yeah, they are. Yeah. Well, they're all burning in hell. Yeah. Is that? One joke that aged really well from the book, though, and I know this is probably a faux pa, but I'm going to do it anyway.

You said Jared from Subway was cute. I know. Well, actually, I didn't. I said, that's the reason I liked black guys in my 40s because I could either get a hot black guy or chubby white. So I said, I could either get, you know, LL Cool J or Jared from Subway. Right. Yeah. So, yeah, unfortunately.

Turns out you couldn't have got Jared from Subway after all. I was way too old. I was over the age of eight. So you were a journalist for Rolling Stone Spy. You interviewed all these hair bands. Well, yeah, in all truth, I was a journalist. However, I was an editorial researcher at Rolling Stone. So I never really interviewed bands for them. Gotcha. And I worked in the, I was a research chief at Spy, which was the hardest job in the world because there are these guys doing articles that are so controversial and humorous. Like my first fact checking job was a map of the mob's home addresses. So you have to go through FBI files and find out if you're telling the truth about it. And then you're like, wait, I'm just telling everybody where mom guys live.

Like, this was a hard place to work. That seems like a bad idea. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it was really funny because it was like a pullout map like you'd see in like a tourist map. Yeah. And I was like, wow. And I just kept looking how many were in my town in Connecticut. And there's a few.

I was pretty proud. Yeah. That's interesting. There's one guy recently in your neighborhood just got shot by some other. Did you hear about this? No. This mobster. this Gotti family guy got killed and they were like oh my god it's a mob hit can't believe it

it happened in like i don't know queens or something i know i'm getting that borough wrong or that statin island happened satin of course and and they're like it's the mob i can't believe it they killed this like big capo or whatever turns out it was like some kid who was dating his niece or granddaughter and he's like stopped seeing that guy right and the guy went and i'm just thinking this is the dumbest guy in the world he just goes and he's like kills them up. Like not, you'd be lucky to go to jail for murder. Yeah. Now you're probably just, yeah. Yeah, you might as well kill yourself right now. Just do it now. Just get it done. By the way, I love that your cute little cat is licking my metal straw because I'm so environmentally

positive. I love your cat so much. I'm going to drink out of that anyway, by the way. I don't even think he's licking it. He's just smelling it to see what's going to get over here. Well, you know, it's funny. I, uh, and no one would ever guess because I would always, when I was doing comedy, before I retired from stand-up, I was like, really, into crapping on the environment and everything like that. So no one would believe, but guess what people? Lisa Lampinelli uses metal straws because I had a turning point. This was, you want to hear my fucking story about that.

It's so funny. I'm in Vegas. My, okay, I had never been to a bachelor at party. My nephew was marrying a girl who's phenomenal. So they're in their 20s. And I go, oh, my God, can I come to the bachelor's party? I'm 57 years old. So it's like, sure.

So we go. And her brother, who's there, says, oh, did you see that video with those sea turtles? And I go like this. I mean, me who thinks who the F they are, I go, fuck that, man. I don't care about that. Guess what?

I help people. I don't care about animals because Lisa Lampinelli does enough. And then I go in the bathroom and I start thinking about that freaking sea turtle. I didn't even have to watch it. And all I thought was my dog. If anyone hurt my dog that way and I start crying, I come back to the table and I just go, I decided I'm giving up.

plastic straws. He goes, what happened in that bathroom? Yeah, exactly. It's weird. Like, when you start thinking about stuff, you just turn. And then I became a rabid recycler. I have never recycled till this year. That's insane. It just hit me that now is the time. So that's why I see when I tell everybody about my major life decisions, I go, you know it when you know it. Like when you never have to force it, right? Yeah. Well, yeah. To be fair, 30 years ago was the time to start recycling. Well, it's funny. I called my garbage man. And I go, you know how I never recycled? There's never anything in that blue bin. And he goes, yeah, we keep that to ourselves.

He goes, I go, I guess the time is now, buddy. But see, that's the thing, eh? You have your garbage man's phone number? Well, it's a, it's a thing. It's a garbage man's company. Like, it's a garbage company. Got it. I thought you were like, hey, Bill, yeah.

Hey, Joe's garbage. Yeah, yeah. Well, I live in Connecticut, so we're all pretty close. Got it. Yeah, there's only a few hundred people that live there. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Why did, what did you take from journalism that you now took to comedy? Like, originally, fact-checking for mob,

dresses is markedly different than going up on stage and like making fun of yourself and other people right well the thing was i think like every career leads to the one that you now have so when i was doing comedy when i couldn't afford a publicist i was like oh i can write my own press releases because i know how to get information across i knew how to manipulate the media a tiny bit to get them into my shows like i remember once i was once i started doing insult comedy i was like oh i want to be known as something with a nickname like don rickles was mr warmth I want to be known as something. So I came up with Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean.

So I planted in the New York Times because they were doing some story about women in comedy. I go, well, they call me Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean. So the New York Times prints that. And then I manipulated to say, the New York Times called me Comedy's Queen of Mean. So kind of I knew how to like work the press a little. That makes sense. Yeah. And I always, here's what I learned especially well.

Know when you're done. because when I hit 30, I was like, I've interviewed every band I ever cared about. I've done enough copy editing and proofreading to like kill myself. I'm like, I'm great at that. Like even now, I'm just like obsessed with not ever having a typo in anything. And I'm like, oh, what's next? You know, what's something that'll fulfill me? And that's why even now with the retiring from standup, when I go, it doesn't spark that joy it used to in the beginning.

You know when you start something, there's all that fizziness and happiness? Oh my God, like I remember my first open mic. Like, dude, it just felt like I'm a comedian. I can call in sick to my day job. And that's why I'm like, okay, that's missing 30 years later. I got to get out before I hate it. Everybody forgets to get out before you hate it. That's interesting.

Well, I've gotten out of every job and career, actually, and marriage before I hated what I was doing. So that's why my stuff can be amicable leaving, not this angry craziness that most divorces or most life changes have. I don't go kicking and screaming. I go, you know what? I'm going to take a hint and go. How do you know when to listen to those hints? Because sometimes it's time to quit. And then other times it's time to, you actually have to buckle in, push through the dip. You know, you might think, oh, you know what? Comedy, I'm in this point where, yes, I've been on Cloud 9 flying high, really the center of attention. Maybe I should stick with it a little longer because this is just a lull versus, nope, I'm actually starting to really hate it.

Well, I don't think it's a lull because I don't think it's like an external well. Like, it's not like, oh, tickets are falling off and the presses mean to me or whatever. It's like what inside me? It's that quiet. It's that listening to what's in there. So I just couldn't avoid anymore that inside I was looking at my calendar and going, oh, well, it's kind of, like a really good paying day job. Like who wants to look at their career that way?

Yeah. So after about six months of that, I was like, wait a minute. Internally, it doesn't feel like it should. Externally, it wouldn't even matter if I was making $8 million a year. What counts is me looking at it and going, oh, okay. Instead of like now I look at my calendar, I mean, it's hysterical now. I can't even believe I look at my book every day and there's never anything on that doesn't give me joy.

Yes, there's obligations. Yes, I have to go to my moms and play cards with her. once a week. I mean, I want to, but sometimes it's not the most joyful thing. Yes, I have to do you know, certain obligations I don't love. But for the most part, the career stuff I look at and go, oh, my God, I can't wait. Oh, that's so cute. Like me, happy, cozy, cute. That's how I want my life to be. And I think if we, but it's all getting in the moment and stay in the present or else you can't hear that inside. You know how that is. I do. But I'm also really good at ignoring it and being like, No, you just have to keep working.

When you make more money, that'll solve all these other happiness problems that you're having in your life. Or like, oh, so what if you hate all your coworkers at this job? Yeah, yeah. No one said work has to be fun. Yeah. And now, of course, people are like, yeah, work should have an element of joy. But back when I was growing up and certainly your generation, nobody was like, hey, look, I mean, you went to a Catholic school. They weren't like, look, just make sure you're enjoying yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, enjoy your life. Yeah. Well, like my father, you know, he had the same job. not the same job, but worked for the same company, Sikorski Aircraft, most of his adult life, but I remember, he's pretty inspiring. He at 60 had like a health problem. It wasn't life-threatening.

And he, like, freaking left. He retired and he's like, said to my mom, I'm painting because he's a good painter, really good, a fine artist, and painted for 25 years. And I was like, oh, wait, dad's, I may have not heard out loud him say to, do that, but I learn by example. And I go, oh, he wasn't finding any joy anymore. They had

enough money to live on. Not a lot, but they go, I'm not going to have this power in my life. Yeah. So I almost go, I had a pretty good role model there, even though at the time I didn't notice. But I think it finally got in there for me of like, you know, enjoy your life. It finally got in there, but also it finally went in there for him because he probably went, you know, I'm not going to kill myself for Sikorsky Aircraft. Right. I can't. You know, Because, but in those days, it was so shocking to retire so young. How old is 60? 60.

And like at the time, well, at the time, you know, you work till you're, you know, you, yeah, you pretty much did. And I was so happy because I remember after his death, I went back to his college where he took art classes. And they gave me his transcripts and he got all A's. And I was just like, oh, that's so cool. And I was like, my dad was killing it. He really nailed life after a while. And I remember he used to tell my mother, no, you shouldn't retire. because he just wants a lone time in the house to paint.

Definitely. Leave her at work. Definitely. He's like, if he retires, I've got to like play tenaster. Yeah, I got to do a lot of big go.

Yeah. I got to go bowling. No, none of that. Yeah. But it's cool. Like, but yeah, that pushing through is so,

it's so hard to discern which is pushing through and which is just, I really need to reassess, don't you think? Yeah. Oh, I just kind of went when it's in, when I can't ignore it anymore, like when I can be in a marriage

that's just so boring and just so not fulfilling for either person. Because if you ever notice, like, in a relationship, there's never one unhappy person. No, that's a good point. It's always, yeah. The other one's kind of acting happy, but you go, like, when I asked, I told Jimmy I wanted to divorce, I was like, you can't tell me you've been happy with the fact that we have four places to live for two people, so we're never in the same place. Like, don't you see couples who should be together all the time?

And he's like, yeah, I guess you're right. So I think that's why I just had to stop ignoring that inside. You must have had a dip to push through two with comedy because nobody really starts and immediately. There's probably one or two examples, but very few people go, I'm going to be a comedian and then just get up and they're like, you should open for Kevin Hart tomorrow. Like that doesn't happen. Right.

Well, what happens is the build is fine. I think what is the challenging part is when, you know, you see like, oh, the only shows selling out are what I had a dip once when. it was right after like Radio City and Carnegie Hall and places like that. And then it was like, wow, why are ticket sales a little weak? And they go, oh, now the only thing's really selling our high school musical too, like on the road and this and that. It was just weird. And then that's worth pushing through because you go, oh, it's going to just come back. It doesn't matter. And you don't take it personally or you try not to it. First you do. And then you go, oh,

it's just worth it because I still love it. But when you start not loving it, I think that's the time when you just go, what do I love? And sort of, yeah. taking assessments. I'll write down like literally when I would start working on this of like what's next idea. I would literally write down the feeling I had when I would do comedy at first. And at first it was just like open, happy, joyful, you know, all this great stuff. I'm like which one of these is in comedy right now? Like one out of seven. No. You're listening to the Jordan Harbinger show with our guest Lisa Lampinelli. We'll be right back. When it's time to scale your business, it's time for.

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Jordan Harbinger.com slash deals. If you'd like some tips on how to subscribe to the show, just go to Jordan Harbinger. com slash subscribe. Now back to our show with Lisa Lampinelli. So you started journaling when after the fact or did you have a journal that you kept the whole time? Oh, I never was a journaler of every day, but it was like I started taking workshops and self-help and getting psychological help from age 25 up. I was just like, I'm never stopping.

And I remember my mom, like I was leaving the house one day when I was 35 after seeing her. And she was like, where you going? And I'm like, therapy. And she's like, aren't you done yet? I'm like, look in a mirror and that's why I'm not. But that's what you got to do. I just had to go inside a lot. And after my dad's death about five years ago,

that's when I really was just like, stop. Like, you got to figure out why life doesn't feel great. And then it was just getting rid of all that crap I didn't love. Oh, wow. It was really fun to shed that stuff. Like, it's super fun because you go, okay, I can get rid of a career I don't love, and I can replace it with something I do. And I could save enough money so I don't have to worry about it.

I can get service into my life because service is just what was missing. That's really the big thing. I wasn't really doing anything for anyone. else. I helped my dad. And then I was like, oh, who the hell am I helping? And all comics are like, but we're making people laugh. Yeah. Come on. There's a little more we can do than that. I mean, at least me. I knew I could go, oh, I have some insight and I can give workshops and I can coach. And I just felt more like, oh, my calling is to be more one-on-one and helpful. You know? Yeah. Well, yeah, I definitely understand that. Yeah. Yeah, that's something I can identify with

pretty readily. Because I remember early in my career when I was a lawyer, I was like, oh, well, this is a helpful profession. And then I went and worked on Wall Street, and I was like, helpful for Lehman Brothers and like Goldman Sachs, right? Right. And then people were like, hey, can you coach me on networking, social skills, dating, whatever it was back in my 20s? And I was like, well, I'm not a coach.

And they're like, no, you are. I'm listening to your podcast. And it's more helpful than this other stuff that I've been paying for. Please coach me. And then that's when I was like, well, I'm not really a coach. So I won't charge you that much, but I'll try. And then people were like, this is the best thing that I've gotten for these particular social or dating problems. And I was like, oh, so you don't have to like go get a degree.

Go get a coaching degree. Teach guys how to pick up chicks at the bar, which is like what I was doing in my 20s, right? Right, right. But that's great because you noticed. The problem is we don't know. I was forced to notice because people listening were like, hey, idiot, wake up. I want to learn from you. Smack, smack, you know, it took a while. And you know, it's wild too is like giving them what they need because I wanted to give people what I thought they needed. Sure. So. So, like for instance, I coached a guy yesterday and I was dreading the phone call because I was like, oh, this guy's just really stuck, which I don't mind, but he's stuck in definitely not moving, like not an inch.

Okay. So I was like, oh, this is going to be frustrating for me because my great lesson is to meet people where they are. That's this year's big lesson. And I said to him, because of course, he didn't move forward again. He's sticking with the boyfriend who's bad for him. He's sticking with the job. He's too stressed that.

And I just go well, you know, because he goes, I'm not quitting my job. and I'm not breaking up with so-and-so. And I go, I just had to recalibrate. And I go, well, you know what? It sounds like everything's working the way you need it to. I said, you're happy with the way the job is. You're happy with the way you guys are together. So what do you need for me?

And he goes, I don't know. This has just been really helpful to clear my head about it. It really almost helped him resolve that he's just going to stay. Yeah. And I got off the phone and I was, he has another session already booked. And I go, well, you let me know when you need that session because it's paid for. And he goes, yeah, I'll probably need it when it comes to money, budgeting, and stuff. I say, that's great.

And I get off the phone and I'm like, oh, my God, I was just useful to him but didn't force my will on him. Sure. Because what he needed at that point from the two seconds of experience that I have with your client, who I don't know, is that he literally just needed to admit to himself he wasn't willing to take the right steps. But now he knows that. So when finally he hits a wall, he goes, okay, it's actually within my power to make a choice. I deliberately decided to be in this pile of garbage. Right.

So when he finally has another fight or his boss shits on him one last time, he's going to be like, I'm leaving. Right. One of these things is like he's going to break, but he'll know that he has the keys to the prison. Right. And hopefully he'll call me and use that last session to move forward. Because it's weird with coaching too because, I mean, I bring Lisa to the table all the time. But I'm so much gentler than people would have thought because my comedy was so hardcore. Well, yeah.

But with some who are just showed they want harder core, I. I listen to that gut and I'm just like I have one guy it's like coaching Tony Soprano and I'm just like you're a fucking pussy dude and he's like Lisa he goes the day you called me when the day he goes you know what changed it for me when you said to me stop me in a fucking pussy douchebag and I go I don't even remember saying then he goes you said it and I flush my head roll down the toilet wow and I was like cool

some people need that's really funny some want a more gentler and this is why I take the coaching service certification course because I'll have tools and, you know, examples for them to work on and written assignments. But I mean, it's basically bringing your knowledge to the table because, dude, I've gone through the same shit every one of them has and still am. So I'm like, oh, I can really just at least see them learn by what crap I went through. That's what it's for. Yeah, I will admit, I was surprised by how friendly you were on the phone and email. And of course, now in person, because that was like, I watched a lot of your comedy. Right. Kind of didn't expect

you to be like, oh, hey, Jordan, great to hear from you. Oh, I was so happy. Well, but thing about that is too. I always said, well, De Niro doesn't carry a gun in real life. Yeah. So, I mean, maybe he does. But yeah, he probably does. Yeah. So I go, well, it's an act, but also, you know, with comics, you don't know where the line is drawn. Sure. So it's kind of you times 10, you know, when you're on stage. And that part of me, it's funny because it's like, where do I use that now? And I'm like, I kind of don't need to anymore. Like, I'll still be really funny. Like, last night I had a three-hour dinner here with friends and we were just having a blast. And I was like, that's a lot of fun to just be throwing the insult and having fun with

the waiters and stuff. But you don't need it as a profession anymore. It doesn't serve me. Do people must recognize you and expect you to be a certain way? Do you feel pressure to then do that? I don't, but I give them a little taste sometimes. Like, for instance, last night, the pastry shift came out because you can't go anywhere when you're kind of known and not get free dessert. They always bring out, as you know. And they bring, and of course, I tried to give up sure. this week. Well, that was blown. But I was trying to in solidarity for a friend of mine. And then I'm like, well, I can't give down a turn away to free dessert. So, of course, the guy comes out and he's Latino and he wants a picture. And he's like, oh, mommy and all that stuff. And so I then give him the

little Latino. Sure. But he knew it was a little gentler. And I go, it's a limited time. Well, you know, it's. And so I go, well, there's like parts of my personality. I can like kind of go there for a second, but then go, ooh, you're not going to sit there and tweet angrily. about the Golden Globes and be insulting about their outfits, despite wanting to. Because I'm like, I don't want to put it out there anymore. Yeah. Yeah. I want to get into that a little because you're back in San Jose right now.

Now we're in my apartment instead of at the improv. But last time you were here, you made TMZ and hopefully think of it. And by the way, never insult me by saying I was a club comic. I was at the Civic Center. Oh, okay. Sorry. Like, look how the ego kicks in. Nice.

No, no. You one is, because it's funny. Once you've earned like that you don't have to play clubs anymore, you're just so freaking happy about it. I didn't even realize that was a tier. Oh, it's a thing. Well, yeah, think about it. When you're a comic and you play an improv for five days, you probably get paid way less than one show at a big place. I did not realize it. Of course it makes sense. Madison Square Garden pays more than the freaking laugh seller. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But what's good about it is that you just get to be home more. Like, that's really the reason I

always wanted to be a theater comic because, yeah, it might be great money, but also, oh, I only have to be away one day. I love to always be in home. I'm a cancer. I'm into nesting and being home with my family and friends and my dog. I just never want to leave home. Like I don't even travel, dude. Like I'm the type I, if I never had to leave Connecticut again, I would just sit there and be happy. Yeah, I think that's a thing that comes with possibly with age because now I'm like, oh no, it's been a week forever though, but do you like to travel? I like it when I'm sometimes. When you got it. In there? Yeah.

Yeah. And like, but I, it depends. Sometimes I like the anticipation of doing it. Other times not. Depends on the trip. Other times I like it when I'm there. Other times I'm like, wow, I really imagined this differently. Yeah.

I never like it at the airport. Oh, it's horrible. That's the worst part. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, now this is why rich people pay like $100,000 extra dollars to fly private because you're like, and screw it. I'm on a private jet, which I've never had the, which I will never do because I couldn't enjoy anything that much if it costs that much.

Yeah. Somebody flew me private once because I was in their movie. And I just slept through the whole thing so I didn't even enjoy it. Like I just sit on the plane and fall asleep. Like tonight I'm flying out red eye, which is my favorite thing in the world. Because you just like you get home in your home. You know, you sleep, you six hours in your home. So I just never, even now, like the only time I travel for pleasure is when family asked me to.

So for instance, my niece and her mom asked me to go to Iceland. And on the leading up to it, everybody was like, oh, are you excited? I'm like, no, but I'm excited to spend time with those two. Same thing my sister asked me to go to Italy. Excited for Italy? I couldn't care less. If they said to spend five days with us in Des Moines, I would have been awesome. Great.

It's with them. So a lot of it with me has never been, I'm not into culture. I'm not into a building that was built in BC. I'm into like, oh, how can I get to know this person better? which by the way is a huge revelation I just had, I was really into volume of people because I was too afraid to connect deeply one-on-one. I'm loving this whole thing of pairing down

to fewer friends but deeper connections. Do you know how hard you have to work when you're trying to be surface with 2,000 people? Yeah, I do a lot of network and relationship development, and it is very hard to be surfaced, which is why I always will try to be surface. get a little deeper with folks and then if they're not responsive to that i'm just kind of like cool whatever i'll talk to you like once a year yeah it's fine i think it's all i'm i'm a new shrink who i love

and she's like because you are afraid you have such scarcity issues not with money not with anything possessions you have it with the idea that you're going to die alone because you're you don't want a relationship you love being single and by on your own but you think it's you have to have volumes of people. She goes, how like, you got five great ones. Yeah. And I'm like, oh my God, you're right. So, but just pushing through to like stay in it and be in those tough arguments and those tough conversations. It's like, oh, I have to tell that person I miss them or I love. Yeah, that's tough. It can be tough if you're not used to it. Well, because our parents didn't role model that. Like my mother, the other day, I love her. She's 89. She's nuts. She's cool as fuck. But

she was tough. The other day, she said to me, because she's not going to live forever. she says to me something like don't forget to turn back the clocks or is it spring forward or whatever it is right don't forget to turn the clocks forward I go that's not this weekend and she goes yeah it is and I go oh my god you're right and on the tip of my tongue I was about to say see sometimes a grown up even needs their mother and I almost held back and I thought right in that split second why am I holding that back I really want her to know I need her

so I said she was talking and I waited until she was done I said oh the clock thing i go uh sometimes even a grown up needs their mom that's like a real risk like like all like yeah like and like tentative and she goes oh ha you know oh i'm glad or something and i go yeah it's a risk and i took it and it paid off and even if she kind of like didn't even realize it it was for me so i think i got that's my great work too is going i got to work on me to be closer to the people who I really want to be with. Because at the end of the day, there's going to be five, two, three people. And you go, oh, they know how I feel about them.

That's tough. Yeah, it is tough, especially if you've spent your whole life being not vulnerable at all. I know what you mean by that risk. There are people listening and watching right now that I'm sure understand this really well where they're like, man, the idea of telling my mom, thanks for teaching me a great work ethic. Like, they would never do that. Short of breath sitting there. Yeah, just going, thank you for this.

Thank you for that. You know, my mother's the type she comes from the era where she will never say, I'm sorry. She's like, remember when Fonzie on Happy Days, which is way before your time, couldn't say I'm wrong? And he would go, I'm woo, my mother could never say, I'm sorry. She now says thank you 50 times a day. And I have no idea why. And I go, that's her. I'm sorry.

Yeah. So it's basically meeting her where she is and going, oh, mom really means I'm sorry. Yeah. And I just love that. But that's again, this whole vulnerability thing. That's why, when I was learning how to put together workshops, because we do this food and body image workshop, this when it's time to change workshop. I said, how can I show them vulnerability, even though on the Lisa Lampinelli, brash or whatever, tell them the story about change, the story about food, body image. And you know what's weird? You know this already. The second you tell your story and they see that realness, they open up. And I'm like, how am I in a room of 50 women

and men too, usually gay men, who are talking about their food and body image issues with tears? I'm like, oh, because I showed them it's okay. So I think if all I have to bring to the table is showing you, you could be you, then that's what I'm here for, at least for now. Yeah, sure. I understand that. And you recently lost a bunch of weight. Oh, yeah. Seven years ago, I lost 107 pounds. It's 107 pounds. I'm very specific. I own it. Well, yeah.

You're trying to lose weight. Count every single. And yeah, kept it off seven years and every day, biggest effing struggle ever. It is so hard to keep weight off. And again, it's that thing where that's why I decided, the only way I can help people is showing them on stage through storytelling stuff about the deep issues of food and doing workshops one on one.

coaching one-on-one and going, I did it you can, but I get how hard it is. Yeah. Because that's why I could never be a personal trainer or anything hardcore. It's almost like you can't yell at yourself. You can't yell yourself out of a food obsession. That's true, yeah. You have to kind of gently pry it loose because that's your alcohol, that's your drug, that's your, you know, whatever obsession you have.

So yeah, it's interesting with the weight. It's a big thing for me. Going back to the switch from comedy in your quote-unquote meltdown video. Yeah, I love that. Last time in San Jose. Yeah. So what was going on there? Because that seemed, to the casual observer, that's what looked like, okay, I've had enough of this bullshit.

I'm out of this industry. Right. But maybe it wasn't that. Oh, no, no. I had put in the retirement. That was my second to last show because I had planned it. I think we started talking about that date as my end date a year back. We're like, don't take any more dates after June.

I think it was 22nd because there was one after that. I think L.A. or San Diego. but that happened to coincide with when you give notice at work and then your boss fucks with you one last time you're like fuck it I'm out of here so it was definitely where I was like okay I'm done with this but the decision obviously had been such long in the making because you have to save the money you have to really be ethical about not breaking contracts and all that so I hadn't wanted to do those last few shows but I didn't hate it so I even said to my manager, like, I'm not hating it. Should I stay in it? And I think that show was meant to show,

okay, you're done. Yeah. You know? So, yeah, it was cool because I like those meltdowns, because every comic has at least 80 in their career. Like, I love those. But watching it, it was interesting. They were talking about it on Stern one day. And I love the Benji, who I feel is clueless for the most part, said something like, there's a lot of pain in what she's saying. Because what I was yelling was I don't need any of you to help me. I don't need this. And it's not about that incident. So it was basically, the way it started was,

I was telling a woman who was on crutches to move up further because a guy behind her was too loud. Oh, got it. And she was going like this, you know, like bracing. So I was saying to her, hey, come on, honey, move up. And I guess it was taking too long for some guy who was drunk. And he said, oh, just, just, you. shut up and start telling jokes or whatever, which is like, I don't, I'm self-employed.

Like, I don't take orders. So I'm thinking, it hit me so wrong that some guys telling me to shut up because that's not my life. Like, men don't tell me to shut up. I never had a father who did that or my brother or anybody. So, and then I think, here I am trying to help and I'm getting shit on. So all this, like, weird messaging is going on. So I was like, I always wanted to do this on stage. and I go, really, motherfucker? I said something like, I'll just pay you back for your ticket. I go, fine. I go, get the fuck out.

I'll pay you to leave. Like, I always love that power move. It's so cool. And I always want enough money to do that. Like, it's like, just whip the money out and go, how much, motherfucker? Get out of here. Yeah. So, and then he's drunk.

So he goes, I'll pay you to shut up. And I go, okay. It's all my God, how dumb on his part. So he gives me $20. and I should have thought about the optics better because I thought, okay, the three choices are you're rip it up and throw it in his face but that's wasteful, so that's not good

because you know somebody's filming it. Then I go crumble it up and throw it in his face or take it, which looks like really cheap. I should have thought of the fourth option, which would have been I'm going to take this and donate it to a Me Too charity. So that would have been a bold move. Didn't think quick enough,

threw it in his face, which was fine, and security got him out. And I was thinking, man, this guy really was a hot button for me because of being told to shut up. I don't like that. Plus, I think it was a time where I was never into like me too because I've never been me toot or anything. Thank God.

But I think it was just like I was like, well, everybody's finally speaking up for themselves. I'm going to too. Because shockingly, even as an insult comic, that was the only time I spoke up. Like offstage I didn't. And now I was like, oh, I'm speaking up for myself starting today. So it's kind of cool. It is cool, especially when you have contacts. But it's funny you say you never spoke up because now I'm thinking.

I know. I know. You do roast of other people. I know. Basically, you're just letting them have it, which is really funny. And I actually, I'm not a comic, of course, but as you can tell, and everyone listening knows it's not that funny. But I did a roast of another podcaster at this event called Podfest. And I loved it.

And it was super fun. Right. And I thought, ooh, it's a little addicting to let people really have it. It's like a kernel of truth, especially if it's somebody you like because you get to just dump on them. Well, that's the best part. Is it like me and Jeff Ross always had the best jokes about each other because you could go the farthest because you knew there was genuine love. Like I don't have genuine love with a lot of comics, you know, because me and I kind of came up together and there was this and there's this love in his heart. That's a lot of comics who I don't like don't have that genuine thing.

And he just is such a sweetheart that we knew we could go there and give a little wink and go, it's okay. Yeah. Like, I know you're kidding. You're listening to The Jordan Harbinger show with our guest, Lisa Lampinelli. We'll be right back after this. Thanks for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers keeps us going and keeps us on the air. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com slash deals.

And don't forget the worksheet for today's episode. That link is in the show notes at jordanharbinger.com slash podcast. And if you're listening to the show on the Overcast Player for iOS, please click that little star button next to the episode. It really helps us out. And now for the conclusion of our show with Lisa Lampinelli. It's fun. I've heard, though, that some of these Comedy Central rose are, I think, Friars Club, maybe less of that. Comedy Central probably, yeah.

Comedy Central. There are people that say, wow, I feel bad after that. Or it takes, like, an emotional toll on the people doing it. I think it does. I remember Danny Ielo, who I love, got roasted at the Friars Club. This was before I was a member. And they said he cried because he's so sensitive, but didn't cry like, oh, poor me. He was just like, oh, my God.

Like, I can't, yeah. And he's such a sweetheart. I remember I'm sitting at a roast at the friars, and it's one of those closed-door roast. And I was the roastmaster for Pat Cooper. Danny was next to me. At the, I'm at the podium. I'm sitting there, and Danny sitting next to me. And after every joke somebody made about me, he would grab my hand and he'd go,

Are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, it's a roast. And I go, oh, what a sweet guy. So, yeah, I think some people really don't know what they're getting. Me, I always knew. And I always was like, oh, if I'm a friend. I'm saying, whatever I'm saying to them is so much worse than what they're saying to me. But also, again, I never roasted anybody I hate.

You can't ever roast anybody you hate. You can't do it. I mean, I can't. That's why I turned down. I remember the first roast I turned down. It's not because I hate him. But I turned down the Charlie Sheen rose because I knew he was mentally ill at the time. And I go, that's not fun.

Like, that would feel like dirty. And I was old enough that I was like, come on, have some morals here. Sure. And what was great about it, Amy Schumer came up to me, I think a year later and go, thank you so much for turning that down because I got to do it. And now everything took off. So I go, oh, my God, isn't the universe just telling you exactly the right thing to do? I was supposed to turn that down.

She was supposed to do it. And now she does such good work. I love going. Look at the reinforcement of us just doing what's right in our gut. That's what every time I ignored my gut I was in a bad relationship, a bad marriage, I used food for the wrong reason, I was in the wrong career too long.

I go, boy, isn't it great? Just all this evidence that stacks up whenever we do the next right thing. Sometimes though our gut is telling us not to do something, but we're really just scared to do it and we should do it. But that's not our gut. It's not our gut. I think our gut and instinct knows,

but the fear is overlying it, is covering it out. Oh, interesting. So if we work on the limiting beliefs and the fear, And that's the one thing about, you know, the coaching program I'm involved in, Martha Beck, who just, I love because it's very gentle, it's basically dissolving limiting beliefs. I mean, basically, if at the end of the day, one person who comes to you can say, I'm scared to move forward and you figure out why. Because the two basic limiting beliefs we all know is worthiness. I'm not enough.

And I'm going to die alone or I'm not loved. You know, that's basically everything comes down. My friend Bicky, who loves you, calls it the six. degrees of worthiness. Any fear that comes up, comes down to one of those things. So I go, wow, just by shaking loose the fear of something, like say someone knows in their gut, they're in the wrong relationship, if you can shake and dissolve that fear, like a loose tooth of going, the fear of dying alone, really isn't going to, there's no guarantee you're not going to go die alone if you're still with this bad guy. So why not get rid of the bad guy and see what happens

your life might open up. Because, of course, turning down the Charlie Sheen roast, the first thing might be, well, suppose they never ask me again. Oh, my God, I'll never do a roast again. What'll happen? My career will be over. Oh, my God, I'll be homeless. Everybody goes to homeless, by the way.

Right, catastrophizing to each day. Oh, I love that because I do it too and it's hysterical. Yeah. Like today even, oh, my God, I'm doing with this dance. My dream has always been to do dancing with the stars. Okay. Because I have in, yes. Do you think, like, for real do it?

Or yes. You should do it? Well, we've asked. And I had done the. celebrity apprentice, so at the time it was too close and they said no. But I have in my mind a delusion that I'm the greatest ballroom dancer ever ends up. I totally am because I'm doing a charity one for this charity in Connecticut. I'm having so much fun. I'm like really having good time. But I wake up this morning. There's a text from the teacher saying, can we move your lesson

Thursday to earlier? And this is my catastrophizing. Oh my God. They're starting to cancel things with me. Suppose I'm not good. Suppose I lose. Suppose I that. Suppose I this. I'm going to be a laughing stock and everyone will hate me. You really just go down the road. Wow, that was, that's quick for you. You're like, that's a quick trigger. It's a big one for me of people changing plans. And then I just go, wait a minute, you're going to have fun. It's a blast. Who cares who wins? It's for charity. Right. Have fun. So I think we just go to that extreme, but we got to rescue ourselves back and then follow what's in here, which for me was you're having a blast dancing, it's good for you.

So gut is always good. It's the shit we pile on top of it to like delete, what's the word? Like just cover it up. Yeah. And we can't dig to it. Because I'll ask somebody, I'll go, honestly, what do you really think? And they'll go, oh yeah, I shouldn't be married to that guy.

I'm like, okay, well, do you think you're ready to move forward? Nope. Okay. Yeah. Let's see what we can do. But man, nobody moves at the pace I want them to. Were you catastrophizing as a kid and then you're like, I need to do something to cover this up.

Like, what did the interest go? Oh, catastrophizing came that made it the type of comedy I went into because I tell this in my storytelling show. I had an event like my fifth time on stage and I got heckled and it was about my weight and you should have seen this. I went home. I'll never forget. I went, I was at my mother's house.

I remember sitting right in they have a sunroom. I sat there with a report. Worders Notebook and I wrote like a hundred insults for any time anyone could say anything to me what I would say back. Like I took every category of person. Like, you know, if it's a hillbilly, I'll say, oh, yeah, the only reason you're here is because Blockbuster was out of Vernis goes to camp. You know, that was why I would really like.

That's pretty good. I drilled them all down. Old guy. Fat chick, fat guy, thin girl, you know, old man. And I went and I said, I'm going to get them before they get me. and you know, once you're armed, you never need to need the weapon. Right. So that was all a catastrophizing, but yet it netted me this great career.

It netted me this great finances where I can now take care of my dad and my mom and, you know, they don't have to go into a nursing home. And I go, wow, that, Anne gets me now to be able to help people a lot of the times if they can't afford a rate to go, eh, let me give to it for you for nothing or for a little tiny bit of money. you go, wow, I was supposed to do that. So in that instance, overreacting helped. But then it was bringing it back to what's your real mission. Yeah, especially because it, yes, may help you with your comedy career,

but it's still taking a toll on your mental health. Like you can't just be like, oh, I'm just writing comedy when you're like shredding everyone around you. Dude, exactly. Well, I even noticed yesterday you had hooked me up with another podcast. Mind pump. Yes. And it was really fun.

Three really good looking buff guys. Yeah. and a little producer. Sorry. Well, no, and he's real nice. And I found that I would say, he'd be like, hey, you guys, you're so hot. And I go, not you, little, whatever.

And I would make one of him. And I go, I'm still kind of when I'm a little, you know, in my jokey mood, I still go to the insult. And afterwards I said to him, I go, was, you know, I apologize if whatever. And he goes, no, no, that was fine. That was funny. I was like, okay, good. So now I got to really fact check myself of like, well, why did I do that?

I wonder, like, what was going on? Was I afraid to concentrate on the good-looking guys? Like, literally, am I so scared of men that I go, uh-oh, I have to deflect. I have to, like, not concentrate on them or even look them in the eye. Like, I got really, I'm 50-7. You're having no trouble looking me in the eyes. Ah, well, you're a mountain of a man. You're a gorgeous person.

But isn't it interesting how, if we don't start, like, or if I don't start questioning every little stupid thing I do, I go, I'm going to just stay stuck, and I want. Yeah, that's a good point. Do you drive yourself crazy questioning everything that you do now? No, I think it's the only way to live for now. For now. Because it gets less and less because you see your patterns. Like my big pattern is I just realized with this new shrink that I never learned to deal with disappointment.

Like she said to me at one point after we talked about my family, she goes, how did your family deal with disappointment? I go, I have no idea what you're talking about. She goes, like, did they, you know, could you vent about your feeling? Vent, feelings. What? Yeah. It's like, no, you don't have feelings. So I, if like say a friend disappointment, disappoints me or betrays me, quote unquote,

I don't even know how to react. I either shut down or bail. And there's something in between. So that's why I'm learning about those deeper connections with people, because you can just run away from everybody, but then you're going to be 80 with the five surface friends versus the five deep friends. So I like question of myself. because they go, hmm, but also I have friends who get it and can talk about that stuff

versus like just surfancy people. Yeah, that's hugely important, especially if you're going through that now. You can't have people being like, oh, I'm uncomfortable with all this stuff you're talking about. You'll either go back in your shell or... Then I got to go, well, they can't go there. And you know what I do? Out of kindness for a change, I internally bump them down to acquaintance, but don't tell them because it hurts somebody's feelings if you go, well, you can't go,

there. So I'm just going to really put you to once every three weeks. You just do it. And then guess what? You can accept them where they are. They accept you where you are. You can have your coffee date, your game night, whatever. But you all, they're just meant to be that. And who knows? Later on, maybe we all go deeper. I think so. I think in my experience, a lot of people will go, they'll have a hard time and I'll reach out to them and go, hey, I know that you lost a pet or you lost a relative. And they'll go, you know, you're one of the only people that's called me. And I'll be like, oh, you know, and also, even say, and this is hurtful in a way, but it's almost like ripping off the Band-Aid. I'll go, yeah, I notice that you're afraid to tell people a lot of things about your life,

so maybe a lot of people are afraid to talk to you. And they'll be like, oh, my God, really? And you're like, yeah. I love that. And it's hard on them. But they need it at that time. Right. The door is open to crack.

And I'm not going to be like whispering in that crack. I'll kind of just kick the door open. And then either they go, like, wow, I really hate talking to Jordan or more likely. Well, that's good. You make two good points. First of all, I have to correct John one thing. You did say open it a crack. It's open it a cuntare.

Now, you've got to use the technical terminology. We learn in coaching. But see, I can't resist that one. Yeah, of course. Yeah, you love that. That's what makes me laugh is like anyone who gets coached by me thinks that's what they're going to hear all the time. And I've only said it once in coaching.

But it's the fucking Tony Supranum. I got to tell him twice on the show. But it's true, though, because you see that opportunity. I bet it has served you when other people's done stuff. like that to you so you know it works definitely yeah i had i was crying about something months and months ago and my friend who would who had texted me to see how i was doing goes hey you've been kind of like negative and shitty the the last two times i've talked to you like what's going on and i was like oh i'm going through like all this different stuff and he goes yeah that's that is horrible and i get

it but probably all this negativity is not helping and i was like can't really argue with that i love him yeah see that's absolutely that's absolutely I think that's a good coach, too. That's a great move. That's like the people you go, oh, I know we're going to be friends forever. You know, I don't like yes people. I, matter of fact, told all my good friends about a year ago.

I said, I know I'm formidable. I get that. Like one of them said, he goes, sometimes I'm just afraid because you're formidable. And like, it's really hard to stand up to you. And I go, well, I need you to be the person who challenges me. I go, it does not feel good to be on the island where people are afraid to tell. Lisa the truth because she's formidable.

I go, and so I'm really conscious with him now, especially to when he does say, you know, you did the wrong thing for me to go, okay, remember he said that, that scares him, really react from love. And honestly, like, I just grow from this guy a lot. Like, I never thought he, I hate to say man up, but really get the balls to do it. Because there's some people, they're tough. You think they're so tough. And now inside, we all just want to be told how we can be better.

Sure. You know? And people are scared of you because they think you're going to rip them a new asshole. Which, by the way, offstage, that really doesn't happen. It used to, I had so much anger for a while. It did happen a lot. And then about, say, 10 years ago, I really started working on it, but it's still hard. Like, once every six months, I'll go off.

Like, literally. Like, to a friend or just on. No, like on somebody. Like, well, this was maybe a few years ago. I had a hair appointment. It was Christmas Eve. for your Antifa haircut that you got. Oh, my beautiful, my beautiful Justin Bieber,

fuck Marge Simpson here, and I was like, at the time I had really long extension, so it was going to take a while, and the guy was taking too long. I go, I got a lot to do too. I got a lot, just like everybody else. And I think it was because, of course, my dad was sick at the time.

Like, it's always like some convergence, yeah. And I noticed the minute I had to stop yelling was, I called Jimmy, who was married to at the time. And I'm telling them the story, because it's usually funny. Because I can make it funny as a story, and I noticed it wasn't funny. Oh, yeah.

I go, I'm not making myself laugh, and I'm feeling dirty telling this. And I go, this has to stop. Again, my shrink is great, because she goes, you'll do it again, and that's okay. The point is you forgive yourself, and you do better.

She goes, your problem is you just would hate yourself. You let yourself off the hook, or you hate yourself. How about in the middle? We make mistake, and then we go, oh, it's okay. like sugar. Okay, I was supposed to give up sugar for a week in solidarity with my friend

because I told her I'd help her. They come out with free desserts last night. Are you kidding? It's ungracious at a fine San Jose restaurant to turn down the free dessert because they made it specially. Chili's never gives out for this. So I eat a little bit. And I'm like, well, I forgive myself for that and move on. And today's better.

So I don't know. I think we as coaches, too, you know this. it's not helping them to beat them up unless they say that's the only thing that motivates me, man. I'm going to tell you what my limit is. Okay. But usually it's pretty much that line in between. Yeah. All right. So you've retired from comedy. Stand-up comedy. Oh, okay, stand-up comedy. November of 2018. So like four months ago. Yeah. Yeah. It's the best thing ever. It's interesting. So what's, you say you retired from stand-up comedy, but not comedy, period?

Oh, no, no, no, I'm not performing. Meaning retired from stand-up, like doing comedy alone in a show. What I do now is, as I said, you know, the food workshops, the other workshops, the coaching one-on-one, but also I do a storytelling show about food and weight issues. So me and two other actors and another comic go up and we tell stories about food and weight. And again, it's not dirty, it's not insulting. It's not punch-line-e, but it's really, really funny. Because honestly, when you talk about your own issues and can't be fun, it's. funny about it, then you're not bringing it to the table.

No. But also, it's a lot of heartfelt stuff because the true full story, I have one story that I tell now that I used to do a stand-up and they didn't get the full story. So they got kind of the funny stuff, but not the real heart stuff. And this one, I have to take the dare to go, well, I have them laughing. And now I tell them how it sunk in and how it really affected my life to get the surgery and everything. It's a Trump story about the apprentice. But I like going oh, I can perform but have a point. My point is no longer making fun. It's sort of showing who I am. If you like it, that's great. If not, that's great too. And shockingly, it's getting accepted to all these

huge, like, prestigious theaters, which I'm cracking up about because I go, how did this, by the way, who has it better than me? How did this transition happen so fast? Sure. Yeah, it was pretty quick. I think people need to note this in your life. life people. I'm not preaching to you, but I am. If you know it in your gut, I'm telling you the universe swoops in when you do that work, because I announce it on Stern, suddenly Dr. Drew calls, then Wendy Williams, then Dr. Ross, then you, then this one, Dr. Mark Hyman, this one, that one, the other one, and all the coaching clients come in. The workshops fill up. The freaking show starts going all over the country in places that wouldn't take me because they don't do comedy. They

do serious plays. So look, people, if you learn something from Lisa. Lampenally. Go with your gut. Because what's the worst it can happen? I could have fucking just maybe worked harder and longer, but there's blessings, don't you think? Yeah. I mean, I recently went through a crazy transition as well where I left a business I was doing in a show I was doing for 11 years. And it was like this rough, rocky thing. And I started off on my own with the Jordan Harbinger show. And now I'm like, oh, best thing that ever happened to me, which is what all my friends were telling me, what all of my CEO buddies were like, look, this sucks now. You're better off. And so, But of course you don't believe them then.

You're like, no, I want to whine about it and get sympathy. And they're like, great. Here's some sympathy. You're better off now. Dude, I'm so proud of you because everyone loves your show. I honestly, everybody I talked to is in the spirituality business or this kind of help business loves your show. And I go, boy, he was supposed to be doing this all along.

I know that my life's work is this. Like, I just know it. And just like you know it about the podcast. Doesn't it feel that way? Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. And in the other show, did you dislike it after a while or had you liked it? I liked doing the show because I was substantially doing what I'm doing now, except I worked

with people that were like really toxic, really negative. Oh, okay. Holding everything down, no new initiative that we wanted to do for the show where the business would work because they didn't want to play ball or they were like, you're hogging the limelight. And I'm like, take the limelight. I don't care. Just do the show with me.

And it was like, no. So it was like a whole big mess. It was like carrying a bunch of dead weight. Right. And it was like, you get out of the company. And I was like, oh, no, this is traumatic. And now I'm like, oh, wait, I get to work with my wife and all my best friends. Because the team came with me that was doing the show from the old company.

Everyone came with me. So it was like, wait a minute. It was almost like you fired yourselves. I love that. And, yeah, what initially sort of felt like scary about doing it on your own? Just that I had to start over, right? I was like, oh, I can't take this old brand and all the subscribers. I have to, like, do this new thing.

how is anyone going to find me, just like you probably thought about with your workshops. And then, yeah, you call your friends, Dr. Drew included, who we both obviously love. And suddenly it's like you get a bunch of exposure through your friends and your pals. And everyone's like, oh, good, Jordan, you're on your own. And I'm like, wait, you were waiting for this. Like the whole audience will write in there like, finally you left that old company. Thank God. Now you're on your own.

The show's better. It's really interesting. I was like the last person to find out that that's what needed to happen. Yeah. Because I resisted it for years. You know what's interesting too. I have a manager who she's been. with me from my first roast, the Chevy Chase roast back in like 2000 something, I mean 19 something.

She fully supported this so much because she's so not about the money. And everyone was always like, oh, she's going to give you shit about it because she wants to make money. I'm like, no, no, no, we're friends more than we ever have been since I quit. Interesting. And I had people telling me, which I'm glad I didn't listen to, you don't have to fully commit to this. Just you don't have to retire. Nobody retires from entertainment. I'm like, yeah, somebody does. It's called me because like I'm not being authentic by saying I'm half in. And I crack up because me and my manager were hanging out the other day and we're going, what the fuck happened? That this just, I said, because we were authentic. We didn't try to hedge. Like you didn't try to hedge. You didn't go,

hey, I'm going to have a smooth transition and take some of my listener. Oh, yeah. You know? And it's just like we can't hedge what we want to do. So that's why I'm like, no, just get all in or just don't do it. Most people, though, don't quit when they're at the top of the game. Like, you hear comedians like, I'm retiring and it's like, oh, who are you again? Oh, okay, that makes sense. Right. Right. You've last sold out like a high school gymnasium and half of it was students that came for, like, you know, you get that and you feel, I feel bad saying. That's probably a shitty thing to say, but I don't care. It's probably true. Yeah. But then you get other comedians like yourself and it's like, yeah, I'm selling out these theaters and I'm on Howard Stern all the time. And it's like, well,

I'm done. It's like, wait, what? And even Stern was like, can you do one roast a year? It was so cute because he came up to me at the North Shore Animal League benefit because I really don't do any, you know, celebrity stuff except that one because I just love him and his wife so much. And he was just so cute because I go, I just got to thank you for giving it such honor the way you presented it to your audience. You didn't make fun of me. You were just such a gentleman. And he goes, I'm so happy for you in this journey. But he goes, please do a roast once in a while, as you said. And I just go, in my goodness. God, I know I won't. If he said, you know, a ton for charity or something, like, it would be so much money, I would be like, of course, what am I an idiot? Like, you do the greater good. But just for me, for money, it doesn't make sense. Because also it feels inauthentic. It just feels like,

it doesn't feel dirty or awful. It just feels like moved on. I wondered if it maybe brought you into a negative headspace that you don't be in. No, you can compartmentalize that. It's like so clear what the right thing is to do. Like, I just know, what I like and what I don't like. You know, like yesterday, I was on the phone with somebody I'm doing an event for, and it's a Readers in Writing Festival. So last year it was Alan Alda reading from his book, and my new book, which I'm pitching in a few months,

probably will have a couple chapters written, so I'm going to do that. I'll be their keynote. And then they go, to me, they go, and like, stay the whole weekend and have fun with us. It's a whole festival. And I go, yeah, I'm not fun. And they go, no, no, it's really fun. Like, you'll have fun. I go, no, I know what's fun for me.

it's doing my event and going home. Oh my God. So I know what I know. That's funny. You know how we, it's inarguably what I know about my life. So I have no fear about just saying what's real. And they're like, oh, thanks for straighten us out. Like what we think is fun isn't what you think is fun.

That is kind of funny that you told them that they were probably a little disappointed, but you have to be ready to do that, I guess. You have to just go, yeah, no. I like doing stuff that just when I read a proposal on the page, like somebody asking me to do an event, I'm like, that sounds like a blast. someone from Provincetown asked me to do like a reading of a one person show

and I don't even have one and I said yes because I go I need to write a one person show. Why not? Yeah. And so I scared something up it's a bunch of stories strung together that I read to a director and he goes this is awesome. I go guess we're doing it. Yeah, wow. So see but isn't it wild to

just say yes to things where the initial thing is oh my God instead of I better do this because it's good for my career? That's actually I've been doing that recently too. It's funny that you should bring this up because I've been asked to do a bunch of different types of training for law enforcement and military. And I've been doing that sort of back in the day, but now even more so, and they're like, hey, we have this big Silicon Valley client and they want you to teach this. And I was like, well, I've never taught that. And I was like,

this is one of those inflection points where I can go, nah, but then it felt remarkably like saying, well, I'm not a coach. I can't do this just like it did 12 years ago when people were at 13 years ago when people were saying the same thing about coaching then. And I went, no, I can figure this out and do it. Yeah. And now I'm like, I'm in that headspace where I'm creating new stuff, which I haven't done in forever. And how does it feel?

It feels great. It's really fun. It's funny you bring this up. I had an exact thing happen. I, my book is, I can't tell the exact idea, but there has to be a chapter about working with a population that I'm completely inexperienced with. I know nothing about. my friend Margie has the greatest daughter in the world, Maya,

who has every special need you could think of, and she goes to a special boarding school. So Margie goes, well, why don't you do a workshop for the kids up there for like two hours? These kids literally will wander away if you don't keep their attention. I am so scared of doing it and I'm fucking doing it. And I have to create, can you imagine, suppose I go up there and I find that there is, I do have a way to communicate with these kids. Just because I'm scared doesn't mean it's bad.

Right. So in my, again, the fear is they're going to hate me and walk away. And I'm going to be like totally laughed at by special needs kids, which by the way, they would never do. But that's a fear of anybody getting laughed at. Sure. In my gut, I go, I know I'm doing the right thing. That's so far. I love this.

It's fun. I don't picture your comedy because I'm, of course, I'm thinking of your old comedy. No, no, it's a workshop. Of course. It's a self-acceptance workshop. Definitely not the same. Because it's funny. to imagine like Lisa Lampinelli, circa 2009 on stage with a bunch of special needs kids in the

audience. It's like, ooh, that's... No, all it is is basically we're teaching them how to stay in the game and to have their little... Because they have goals. Like, these kids can do enough. And a lot of them want to have a relationship. I want to have love in their life. I want to have a little job. And I'm like, oh, it's kind of taken one of my workshops and boiling it down to activities that they can get into. So I'm like, who knows? Suppose that ends up to be a population. that I just love and end up doing work with. So us, I'm glad you said yes to that, because you never know. Or it might lead to, well, I don't like that.

It crossed it off the list. That's also as important. I tell people on the show a lot, it's just as important, though not nearly as fun, to find something you don't like doing than it is to find something you do. Like, I'll do voiceover and voice work. And I took an audiobooks class and the teacher was like, you know, this is great. We can get you a lot of gigs and stuff because you have this following. And the publishers love people with the following.

and I went, I hate this. And she goes, I understand. It's not my favorite thing for VO either. And I was like, yeah, I just, this is like of all the VO stuff, I hate this the most. Oh, I had to record my own audio book, obviously, because they want you to read your book. Dude. And I stand to do it because it's just you're more of a presence when you stand. Yeah.

Nine hours, three days in a row. That's hard. It's hard. So if you're not loving it. I'm so glad you said no. Because also people think I didn't like it. That means I'm weak and I have to conquer it. No, if you have, I always say if you can look in the mirror at the end of the night and say, you know what, I tried it.

It's not my thing. Who did that hurt? Nobody. Exactly. Yeah. Well, and also for audiobooks, as you know, it's like you can get, I think they pay you like two and three or if you're like well known, maybe four or five grand for the book takes you. You got to read the whole book three times. You don't usually get to choose the book.

Three times. You got to read it, and then you've got to mark it up, and then you've got to read it into the microphone. I'm like, I don't even like reading a lot of books one time, especially if I don't choose the book. So you're reading like Japanese sci-fi, and it's just awful if you can't deal with it. And then, or that particular book was. And then I'm thinking, and then option B is you go and you do like a burger commercial, and they're like, here's $2,500. And you're like, wow, I was there for 19 minutes or like an hour if you had to do a bunch of takes. Right.

And you go and you, you know, you're done. We ate 7,000 burgers or something as a result of that. And I'm like, that took an hour. The other one took a week. And this one was fun and that one wasn't. It's like such an easy choice. But yeah, there's a part of me. The Detroit part of me goes, well, if you don't like it, you should just suck it up and keep doing it.

And it's like, no, that's how all of our neighbors and family and friends are effing miserable. Well, and that's how we hurt ourselves. Like even physically, too. It's like we should do this. Should we all free solo L capitom? God, did you see that? Weirdo? he I resent and I'll tell you why.

I really, I think this, and I really think I've pinpointed why. And the story also leads to why I love my nephews and they were brought up right. I watched the movie and something's bothering me about him. And I go, this is pointless. There is no reason for this. There is no, I mean, the movie, yes, obviously. The movie was amazing. Free soul.

There is no reason for anyone to climb something that's that life-threatening. what's going on with him. I get it. It's a brain thing where you have no excitement level. Yeah, fine. Totally. That's the first thing I thought when I saw that guy. Yeah.

When they did the brain test, I understood he can't get a thrill out of anything. Yeah. But here's what I hated and why I'm so glad I'm surrounded with the people I am surrounded with. He says in the car, my girlfriend, she just wants to be happy and cozy, happy and cozy. Whatever got accomplished by anyone who's happy and cozy. I tell my nephews this, they go, but isn't that the whole point of life? and I go, thank God you were raised, right? You don't risk your life for this crap.

You risk your life if you're going to help people. You're going to go and do African, you know, you're going to go to Africa for the, what's that, Peace Corps, do something. One nephew goes to Africa for the Peace Corps. Now he's up teaching, I think he's teaching English to a, like, a freaking, no, he built a school in Alaska in a village for kids who didn't have a school.

I don't, that's risking your life to help. Yeah. So I'm not mad at this guy who did. did it. I'm mad at the attitude that happy and cozy isn't enough when it's the goal of life. So now my whole mantra is, does that thing in the email make me feel that way? When I get an opportunity, oh yeah, I'm going to do it. If it's something that's really effed up, like, come and have fun for four days and we'll pay you like $25,000. No, because it's not fun because I'll kill myself, you know? So people just need to do that. We all want just peace. Now, all I want is peace. And that's,

what I want for everybody else. That guy's parents in Free Solo. His parents seemed a lot like I would imagine in my head yours were where the mom was like, you've got to do this. And the father was like, you've got to work really hard. Oh, not my dad. No, not like that. Being my father was, you know, it's wild about my parents.

I said to my sister and brother once, I said, for parents who weren't overachievers, who just kind of worked and that was great, who never told us to achieve that much. And how do we all become such overachievers? And I don't know why. I'm still haven't figured that out. But what I did figure out is, you know, when you're in, you take therapy or I was in workshops about food and body and stuff and people would be going, you know, my mother told me I was so fat. My father's fat shamed me. And I'm going, my parents never overpraised us or underpraised us.

Like they literally were just parents you would like. Guess what I figured out. They role modeled that they didn't like themselves. Oh, interesting. So I observed it. And I go, oh, she hates how she looks in that dress. she calls herself fat. He calls himself too skinny.

He makes fun of himself, but not in a loving way. And I'm like, oh. So that's what I think when it comes to, it doesn't always have to be the parent. Beating me up, but you see them and you go, I'm in this melting pot. Right. They're either beating you up and then you go,

oh, they weren't doing that. What happened to me when they were beating themselves up? It was so. And when I think about it was so sad, too, because they're really good people. Like, every friend I have loves my parents. And like, man, they were just, just dent. They're just dented cans. We're all just dented cans, trying to bang out the dents.

None of us are giving each other botulism, thank God. But that's why I have compassion for my parents, because they didn't like themselves. And that to me is really sad because I like them. Yeah. Well, you're teaching a lot of people to like themselves now. I hope so. Yeah. And thank you very much for coming over. This has been really fun. Dude, I love this. Keep listening to Jordan because he's the man. And it doesn't need those losers. I think it's, I told my friend, I said, Lisa Lampinelli is coming over tomorrow and I thought that's something I never thought I would probably send someone. I never thought I'd be on a classy show like this. I feel very, no, I do feel really grateful because it was really funny when I was on the phone with you.

That date discussing coming out here and doing the show, I got a text and I, of course, I turned the phone over to not be disruptive. I get off the phone with you. It was the Wendy Williams show saying, come on the show and talk about this stuff. Dude, so you see the game. and I go, I say, I call my friend Vicki, who's a huge fan. And I go, dude, Wendy Williams and Jordan in one fucking 45-minute segment, never let me complain again. So thank you for making the trifecta.

I'm sure there's another one I can add to it. Dr. Drew. I'll sit up there with Dr. Drew and Wendy Williams. That's fine. Can I do a shameless plug? Do it. Cool. For one-on-one coaching, if you're lucky enough to have me, Lisa Lampinelli.com, I do do a sliding

scale because self-help ain't just for rich motherfuckas. Also, I do workshops all over the country, probably a big one in San Jose. And that is at least lamp andelli.com also. And for storytelling shows, come laugh with LL. Same website. Bye. And we'll link to that in the show notes. Of course, the links will be there to your website and to your events are on the website. Yep. Yeah, everything. It's pretty cool. It's got like the smoke that comes in. Oh, I love that. It's really neat. I got a good designer. Talk to him down. Oh, I bet. I know. It doesn't look cheap. I know, right? Thanks for coming back. Love you, man.

So it was interesting having Lisa Lampinelli in my house. Jason, I remember texting a couple people, and I was like, so Lisa Lampinelli's coming over tomorrow and people were like, come again? What? I was one of those people. I was just like, say what? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, yeah, you know, the community, they're like, wait, you mean the one that like is super abrasive and shreds people and had a meltdown on stage at San Jose?

And I was like, yeah, she's actually super nice, really cool person. And everyone was like, I got to know how this goes. So here we are. Here we are. I've been a fan of Lisa for years. I've seen all her specials, seen all her roasts. And I was just fascinated. I'm like,

what is this going to be like? But it turned out fantastic. She is just a sweetheart. Who would have thunk it? Yeah, totally. No, we clicked right away. Super cool. I text her regularly.

I know she's got her houses on the market. So we're talking about, like, adult stuff. And I'm just like, what's going on where I'm like, it's funny because you grew up watching people on TV, and then you find other normal people and really cool. and you become friends with them. Like Jay Moore is another good example

where I'm like, oh, this is like a really cool guy that I like hanging out with. Meanwhile, I remember clearly watching Jerry McGuire and being like, this is the biggest movie star. This guy's so cool, you know? Yep. It's funny. It's funny how that blends together.

I really, that alone is a freaking commercial for developing a great network. Speaking of which, if you want to know how we manage to do that, honestly, all the fundamentals are in six-minute networking. It's our free course, Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. I know what you're thinking.

Well, I'm not trying to make friends with all these people. I'll network later. I'm pretty satisfied where I am right now. Totally get it. Dig the well before you're thirsty, though, because once you need relationships and you never know when that's going to happen, you're too late. These drills take just a few minutes per day.

Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. Speaking of building relationships, tell me your number one takeaway here from Lisa Lampinelli. I'm at Jordan Harbinger on both Twitter and Instagram, and there's a video of this interview on our YouTube at Jordan Harbinger.com slash YouTube. This show is produced in association with Podcast One, and this episode was co-produced by Jason the Roastmaster to Philippo and Jen Harbinger. Show notes and worksheets are by Robert Fogarty, and I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. Remember, we rise by lifting others. The fee for the show is that you share it with friends when you find something useful. Hopefully that's in every episode, so please

share the show with those you love, and even those you don't. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time. is sponsored in part by Something You Should Know podcast. Finding a new great podcast shouldn't be this hard, so let me save you some time. If you like the Jordan Harbinger show, you'll probably like Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. It's one of those shows that makes you smarter in a practical, useful way. Same curiosity vibe we go for here, just in a fast-focused format. Mike brings on top experts and asks the exact questions that you'd want to ask,

and the topics are all over the place in the best way. Recently, they've covered things like why we care so much what other people think, the benefits of laughter, why sports fans get so invested, and what makes people like you or not, the through line is always the same. Smart ideas you can actually use in real life. Something you should know has been featured in Apple's shows we love, and it's got thousands of five-star reviews because it's consistently interesting. So if you want another show that scratches that I want to understand how people in the world really work itch, search for something you should know wherever you get your podcasts. Look for the bright yellow light bulb and start listening. You can thank me later.