The Jordan Harbinger Show - 185: How to Get Hired Like a Boss | Feedback Friday

Episode Date: April 12, 2019

Ever wondered how to get hired like a boss? Ramit Sethi (@ramit) of I Will Teach You to Be Rich joins us for this Feedback Friday to illustrate something called The Briefcase Technique, which you can use to powerfully demonstrate value to connections in your network and potential employers. As Ramit says, "The way to stand out is to not just tell people what you would do, but show them." And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason DeFillippo (@jpdef) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://jordanharbinger.com/185. On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: How do you keep your mother from bringing her awful date -- who also happens to be your father -- to your best friend's wedding? You could retire early and enjoy time off, but you don't want to get stuck finding a new job if you get bored in a couple of years. What to do? You have questions and concerns while building a new house. How do you avoid ticking off the contractors to the point of sabotage? How do successful people balance between work they're passionate about, families they adore, and outlets they need to function at an optimal level? The dream job you landed at Harvard would be even dreamier if it paid well enough now to make a dent in your student loans. Should you stay or go? When the real nature of your job doesn't reflect what you thought you signed on for, how do you approach a contract renegotiation gracefully? How do you distinguish yourself from the competition and get hired like a boss or make new network connections stick? Ramit Sethi joins us to illustrate an almost magical tactic called The Briefcase Technique. What are the pros and cons of starting a new relationship when you describe yourself as being in an "awkward" stage in life? Life Pro Tip: Save your money on clothes, but find a fantastic tailor. A well-fitting wardrobe of thrift store finds looks way better in person than most high-end clothing. Recommendation of the Week: The Kindness Diaries (Something to ponder: How long does Leon Logothetis get stuck at gas stations waiting for people he can ask for a few drops in the tank?) A quick shoutout to Mark Serratore, who got a prison pen pal for a college course 10 years ago and still keeps in touch! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Connect... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Start your free trial today. Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger, I'm here with producer Jason DePhilippo. Here on the Jordan Harbinger show, we love having conversations with our guests. And this week we had Lisa Lampinelli talking, I was going to say comedian Lisa Lampinelli, but she has left comedy. She left the industry at the top of the game, which I thought was interesting

because she gave everything up for a life of service. And that's a theme we're seeing more and more lately with the celebrities that we're interviewing. We also had Neveen Jane talking about moonshots, thinking big to solve global problems. He'll be mining the moon, literally, and hopefully help make illnesses a thing of the past with the research that his companies are doing. Also, I write every so often on the blog, actually quite regularly. The latest post is about how to talk about yourself without sounding like an a-hole. And a lot of us have problems doing this, and we just stop trying to sell ourselves completely or we resign ourselves to sounding like an a hole. That's also a problem.

So just like the show, the articles give a lot of concrete and practical advice. So make sure you've had a look and a listen on the show and on the blog to all of that. Of course, our primary mission is to pass along our guest's wisdom and our experiences and insights to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you. And that's what we're going to do today here on Feedback Friday. You can reach us at Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. Try to keep them concise if you can. It really does increase the chance that your question will get answered on the air.

I'm back in the studio in L.A. here with producer Jason. Hello, sir. Welcome to my humble home. Yes, I love doing these live. It's more fun. And I'm always down here to do interviews. Of course, you know, I'll hang out with Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew, do that kind of thing for my regular segment there. And by the way, if you don't listen to Adam Carolla, you'd be surprised I'm on there every week, much to the annoyance of many Adam Carolla listeners, in fact. But if you found us through there, then welcome to the show. I also went to Moby's house. Mr. Fancy Pants. Yeah, and did an interview there. You know what? What was really fun about that, and that'll be out in the next few weeks.

But what was really funny about that one was you walk in and he's got this public area of his house and a private area. So like an in-law unit where he's like, here's where all the schmucky, schmuck interviewer people and people I don't want my frigging house can come. Wow. And I like that idea. I'm like, I'm stealing this idea for when I get a house to have a separate thing. And so I walk in, his assistant, awesome guy, Jonathan, he's like, hey, welcome. Here's all Moby's awards. And it's just floor to ceiling golden platinum records.

all of his VMAs, all of his industry awards are all on a shelf, not organized necessarily in any particular way. And I was like, oh, and he goes, yeah, I really should dust these, but honestly, they were in a box for like eight years and we just took them out. And I went, really? And he's like, yeah, he doesn't really care about any of this. And I thought, that is such a Mobe type thing to do, is just not care about any of the awards. And, yeah, that's, I can see that. Yeah, I can totally see that. But I love the idea that he went, because the whole show was about him, not the whole show, much of the show was about him chasing fame and then finding out it didn't make him happy. And so those awards are just kind of like little trophies for that thing. Yeah, it's a reminder of like he was

chasing something that didn't really matter. Yeah. And he got it. And here's the, here's the proof. Yeah. And then there's some surprises in that show. I really enjoyed doing it. We also did a show with Remeet Seati, a good friend of mine. And he's going to make a little cameo on today's feedback Friday as well. All right. By the way, a lot of people have written in and said, hey, can you book more women on the show? We are working on it. Here's the thing. I got a couple of angry, like, sort of messages that were like, you're, you know, I can't stay subscribed if you're only going to have men on the show. We're trying really hard to have women on the show. The problem is we reach out to a lot of women and they're either busy or they're not doing media or, et cetera. And I thought,

why is this the case? And I was talking with a couple of friends of mine. And actually, this is the theory that I have. A lot of men love doing media because it's kind of this great validation. There's a little ego in play there. It sort of expands their profile. Women are far more concerned in general with just getting the work done and showing up and doing really good stuff. And so they're kind of like, no thanks. I'm the CEO of, I don't know, Tesla or whatever, SpaceX. I don't need to do a podcast. Whereas guys are like fame, profile, you know, sign me up. So where to accoutrements of, of wealth, where do I go for that? And a lot of the women that have been pitching us, just like a lot of the men that have been pitching us are like life coaches and I just, self-help personalities.

I'm just not interested in. So I try to get these really accomplished business women. They're kind of like, no thanks, got family, got business. See you later. And yeah, we've had people like Molly Bloom, Jane McGonagallon go on. We've got Lisa Lampinelli. We've got a lot of women on, but not as many as we'd like. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I know I've been afraid to say anything about it because what I don't want is like

7,000 people in my inbox being like, my friend wrote a book about upholstery. Because we get a lot of those from dudes. I'm not saying that's a thing that women are going to do. I'm just saying we get a lot of bad pitches as it is. So I didn't want to encourage that. But I just want people to know that we're not like ignoring the female contingent. We're actually trying really hard to do it. It's just very, it's more difficult to book.

And my theory is because they don't care about the high profile stuff as much as guys do. Yeah, I mean, we also had, yeah, like Annie Duke, Dwayne a Welsh, Barbara Boxer. We've had some pretty high profile women on the show. Yeah. So we're trying really hard. And we love having the women on the show. Yeah, it's actually, I'll tell you, the conversation flows a lot easier, in my opinion, because women aren't afraid to be vulnerable and talk about things that might make them look vulnerable,

whereas guys are often trying to. I spend a lot of time chipping away at that. to get people to open up on the show. And I almost never have to do that with women because I think they're more used to that. Yeah, dude, it's like, don't interview me, bro. Yeah, yeah. Guys are just like, can we get back to my book now?

And I'm like, let's talk about your troubled childhood. We're not talking about your book until you cry. Yeah, seriously. We're not playing beer pong on the show. Let's get to something vulnerable here. Right, exactly. Exactly. All right.

So we're working on it. And I just wanted everybody to know that because I think that that is important. I'm not ignoring it and don't get mad at. us for not having enough women, please. All right, what's the first thing out of the mailback? Hello to the J. Triumvirate, aka the J. Umverit, my new favorite tagline here. My best friend's wedding is in a few weeks, and I'm the best man.

My mother was invited because my friend lived with her and I for a few years at our house. My mom wants to bring my father, who I despise as her guest to the wedding. They've never been married, and he was dating his current wife, who he's still with when he got my mother pregnant. After I was born, he married his girlfriend, and he and my mom have been, having an on-again, off-again affair ever since. I hate my father for many reasons, but mostly for a time he promised me an apartment, leading me to not renew my lease, only to tell me he didn't have the apartment to give me when the move-in time came.

This led to my girlfriend, Lizard, cat, and her two kids that she shares custody with, moving back into my childhood bedroom at my mom's. We still haven't fully recovered since rental prices are so high in New York, and after two years we're still at my mother's with no escape in sight. He never apologized for displacing and misleading us, and to be honest, I just don't like him as a person since all this happened. It's also a gay wedding, and my father is the kind of person who sees a rainbow and instantly makes a gay joke. He's a conservative, and I know he doesn't have the real respect he would for a straight wedding. So, how can I get my mother to not bring another woman's husband, aka my father, to my best friend's wedding? What can I do? I've told her I won't

lie to the other guests, and I'll tell them that he has a wife at home. I've asked her not to bring Do I bring it up to my best friend who already has a wedding to deal with? Do I air out the dirty laundry on Facebook? Where do I go from here? With admiration, the best man and son of the worst man. Oh, man. So I get why you're upset here. I do.

I would say you should definitely not bother the groom about this. They've got enough to deal with. The last thing they want is for you to be like, here's my personal drama about your guest list. It's like, I don't care. Yeah, I'm worried about if the cake's going to show up. Right. You know. Yeah, exactly.

Is it going to be so hot that people are sweating in their formal way? There's so many things they're worried about with a wedding. The last thing they care about is your small potatoes. Yeah. Really. If they cared, they wouldn't have invited any of you. Exactly. They'd have been to the Justice of the Peace in Vegas and gotten it done.

Right. Not you, everyone. In fact, they probably thought about it and then decided, screw it. We're going to try this. So don't make it worse. Don't air it on Facebook. This is only going to hurt the groom. It's not going to do anything to dissuade anyone, especially if your mom and dad are disrespectful,

clueless, whatever, or both, one or both, they're not going to go, oh, I saw this Facebook post from our son that was kind of passive aggressive about me bringing you, so I'm not going to do it. You've already spoken with her directly and she didn't care. A Facebook post isn't going to do it. It's just going to piss off everybody else at the wedding or, and make you look bad. I think you're doing the right thing, bringing it up to your mom and refusing to lie about the situation. You should never have to lie about this sort of thing.

And this type of pressure, social pressure, it might disweight her from bringing him. But then again, it might not because it sounds like, I hate to say this about your mom, but it sounds like she's got some self-worth issues since she's been having an affair with a married man for like 30 years or however long it's been. And you can be clear that you don't respect or like him. And that'll be embarrassing for her. But it'll also be embarrassing for you and the grooms. And that's about all you can do. You can kind of just make it worse.

Yeah, beyond slashing your tires before she can take off in the morning to go to the wedding. Yeah, I mean, there's a thought. You could do that too. You could do that. If he's snickering and making jokes the whole time, ooh, it's a good wedding. Then he's the a-hole doing that during the wedding. So don't worry about that. It's not going to ruin the wedding.

And you can ignore him the entire time if you want to. You're not going to be seated with him. It's definitely bad judgment for her to bring him, but it's also the least of her bad decisions regarding your father. so I wouldn't expect that to change. Yeah, seriously. There's a history of bad decisions here, and this is pretty low on the totem pole. Right, exactly, exactly.

You might not like your dad, and from what you've said, I wouldn't like the guy either. He sounds like an idiot. That said, I don't know, I just said that about someone's dad, but whatever. You're justified on this one.

That said, it's not your wedding, right? You don't have to worry about it. You can request that you're not seated with him. And like I said, you're probably not going to be seated with him anyway. You're the best man. You're going to be at the wedding party table. And you can just say hi to your mom.

And you could literally, you can snub your dad all you want at the wedding. But don't make it someone else's problem. I honestly wouldn't worry about this. Every wedding has an asshole. At my wedding, it was ironically the guys that I used to work with. Did you interact with them at all? We got so many complaints about those guys. They treated me like such crap at your wedding.

They were so mean to me. Just like talked down to me and thought that they were the bees' knees. And I'm like, you are just stupid people. And you are that guy at the wedding. Both of you are that guy. Yeah, many guests complained about ironically the art of charm guy's behavior at my wedding. And I couldn't, I was so ashamed of working with those guys at that point. That was one of the lynch pins of this dissolution and moving away from them because, so trust me, I feel you.

I know what it's like to have somebody at your wedding that's associated with you that sucks. It's just not good. It's embarrassing. But your guests will understand that it's not your fault. And it's not his wedding. He's just the best man. But still, I can see why he's like, you know, worried about bringing this element to the wedding. Right.

And I think it's going to be a non-starter because the guy's going to be the guy. It's not like his son's wedding where he's going to be like, you know, mouthy and everything. I think that he's going to sit in the back. He can mumble his gay jokes all he wants. Nobody's going to care. And they're not going to associate with him. Exactly. You know.

He's going to be the lonely drunk at the wedding. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Because everybody's there for, you know, the people they love the gay wedding. And this is the one guy that's coming in out of the cold that nobody. he cares about. And if he starts bagging on the groom and the groom or the bride and the bride, we don't know if it's the groom and the groom of the bride and the bride. But everybody's going to

turn on him and just walk away from him because they're there for the couple. They're not there for him to do his stand-up jokes. Yeah, exactly. Look, sometimes it's just not worth the stress when there's no worthy battle to fight. And this is one of those situations in my opinion. Yeah, totally. All right. Next. Hi, Jays. I'm looking for your advice on when to retire. Currently, I'm a director at a large multinational company. The team is great and mornings are not filled with dread that I have to get up and go to work. I'm 57 and recently widowed quite unexpectedly. We saved up a lot of retirement money and have no debt. Being insulin dependent, though, means medical costs before Medicare are a big consideration. But life is

short is so true. I don't want to miss out on enjoying travel, which I haven't done a lot of, and would enjoy a ton of reading time. But what happens if I get bored in a year or two? At my age, I'm concerned that re-entering high tech, which was my entire career experience, would be difficult to impossible. Any thoughts on retirement timing and considerations would be appreciated.

Signed, when do I pull the rip cord? This is an interesting question. First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you've lost your wife suddenly. I cannot imagine what that feels like. I am so, so sorry to hear this. I think that you are smart for thinking about retirement, especially in light of this. You're right.

Life's too short. You've got a lot of things to tick off the bucket list. I'd ask, how's your health insurance and how will it change when you retire? That's going to be of primary concern. And you might be able to get something from your union or your industry and lock it in. I'm sure that you've thought of this. Either way, definitely figure out how much you'll need to be comfortable later down the line. To your bigger question, what happens if you get bored?

in a year or two. You're right. At your age, it's going to be tough to reenter the workforce, especially in a high tech field. That said, you probably will not get bored if you play this right.

So one, make sure you reactivate your social circle. Do this before you retire. Don't wait until you're at home on your first day off and go like, oh, who's around? I want to hang out now. Exactly, yeah.

That's like those guys, remember in like college, you'd get a friend, they'd get a girlfriend, you'd never see him again. And then they'd break up and they'd be like, what's up?

And you're like, who are you? What are you talking about? Knocking on your door immediately. What's up, bro? Let's have a guy's night out. What? It says, no, I don't want to.

Come on. Yeah. Let's do it. It's been so long. You're like, dude, we've been hanging out without you. You self-centered jerk. Exactly. So reactivate the network before you retire.

Try the six-minute networking. Reengage weaker and dormant ties in your network. Jordan Harbinger.com slash course is where that's at. It's free, as you all know, by now. Two, make a list of skills and things you'd like to learn that you've never done or tried before, take classes for those skills and in those areas. You're going to meet some other like-minded folks, some other hobbyists. I would also say join a travel club. There are tons of these. There are lots of fun. My parents were in one. They loved it. The problem was everybody was 100 years old,

so you might want to find a club with people more your age, or possibly even some somewhat younger, not too much younger. It'd be great if everybody was freshly retired. That would be ideal because they'll have enough time to sort of hang out. Yeah, 57's a week. weird age to retire and try and find that social circle for travel. Yeah. I'm sure they're out there. Definitely. You know, I'm 47, and it's even, it's weird for me to try and find people to go do that

stuff with because everybody's still in their career and they're still heads down. But 57, I think, is close enough where he might have better luck than I have trying to find that, find that crew because people are, they're edging up there and like people are retiring early nowadays. So I think he might have some good luck there. But yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be interesting trying to find that, that click for him to travel with and go around the world with. But they're out there. They're definitely out there. Yeah, that is going to be a game changer because traveling alone is fun, but it's, it can get a little

lonely. Traveling with a group is actually really, really fun. Yeah, it's fun at the beginning. You can last, you know, five or six months by yourself, but after that, it's like good to have some buds. Yes, exactly. If you do end up getting bored in your retirement, and I understand why you're worried about that, start volunteering or helping with a nonprofit. You don't have to get purpose and meaning from your work or career. It reminds me that FBI agent that wrote us and was like, hey, I've got no upward mobility, I've got 10 more years, I don't have a lot of purpose in my job, should I quit, I think you can get plenty of purpose and meaning outside your career.

Many people do not get purpose and meaning from their work. And that's not ideal, I think, but it's very common and it doesn't mean you have to retire. Don't be following your passion. That's BS advice from Instagram influencers. Absolutely. Absolutely. And with all that free time, you can, like, you know, reexamine the things that you always wanted to do because you've probably forgotten about more things. There were probably more things that you've forgotten about that you always wanted to do than you had time for.

So now it's like, oh, I've got all this time. What am I going to do? You have to go back to the well and figure out, like, what are those cool things that I always, you know, did I want to learn how to write? Did I want to learn how to paint? Did I want to learn how to cook? Did I want to learn how to, you know, volunteer at a children's center? Things like that. There's so much out there that you can do with all that spare time that you'd never had that you've forgotten about like all of the desires that you had way back in the past because I've been like trying to volunteer lately.

And I've gone back to there are a couple volunteer organizations in California here that I've been going to. And I'm like, oh, yeah, you know what? I always wanted to do that. And I'd forgotten about it. What is it? What are you volunteering? I'm volunteering at some food banks now. So there are a couple of food banks.

you can't just keep the food for yourself, right? I know. I know. I actually bring some, bring some myself. Yes. So I volunteer at food banks just to categorize and organize the food on my days off. And it's, it's really nice because you meet different sets of people, all these different charities. And you start engaging with new social circles. And different things pop out of that. It's really fun. You know, just put yourself out there and spread yourself a little thin at the beginning. And then you're going to be able to congeal into what you really want to do. I agree. You'll start to filter in what you want. I think even if you volunteer or work full time in a paid position for a nonprofit, you're not going to get bored. And you'll be doing work that matters. Nobody said retirement has to be about watching TV all day or hanging out at the public library

or finding that coffee shop and spreading out your grocery bags and like your laptop. You know, you see these older retired people in L.A. doing that. I don't know what it is. It's like a whole thing, probably everywhere, but especially I see it in L.A., Every Starbucks has like two or three retirees, and they've got like, they like brought their own food in and they buy their coffee and they're on their laptop and they're watching stuff on Netflix. I'm just thinking, this is your living room. Yeah, well, I see guys here that like take the Wall Street Journal and spread it out over a table for six. Yeah.

And they've got like, you know, a small coffee. Yeah. And everybody's like, I want to sit down, but like grandpa's over there and he looks like he's just like hunkered down and I don't want to disturb him. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. I kind of think it's funny. It's like their HQ. They're running around talking to everyone.

But if nothing else, this can be a downshift in your career or a switching careers to something lighter but more meaningful. It doesn't have to be like retired on and off. It doesn't have to be binary. You can find something else that doesn't pay very well that you find a lot of meaning in. So you're retired. You're making a little bit of money, but you're also doing work that matters that you couldn't afford to do while you needed to have your career on full blast.

Another thing is he works in technology. And if he retires, he can mentor kids that are coming up in technology. And, you know, I don't know which branch of tech he's in. You know, if he was in telecommunications, program, whatever he's, whatever he was in. He can start a program where he starts to mentor kids that are coming up, like coming out of college or high school and giving them direction and taking his knowledge and passing it along because that's a real need right now, especially since he was in high tech for so long. It is hard to get a job in high tech. Obviously, I know that after a certain age. So even if he doesn't want to go back into it, but if he can afford to, he doesn't have to work,

mentoring kids that are coming out of, you know, school and educating them on what the real business world is like would be a fantastic, like, side thing for them. Yeah. Also, you could also teach classes on how older people can learn to use computers. There's a million things you can do. So many. You could go abroad and volunteer. Yeah.

So many things. You don't have to live in the States. You just got to be creative with it. Exactly. Yeah, I think there's going to be lots of time for travel, lots of time for reading, lots of time for doing meaningful work. Honestly, that sounds pretty good right now. I'm excited for you. This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this. Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com

slash deals. And if you'd be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review in iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family. If you want some tips on how to do that, just head on over to jordanharbinger.com slash subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday. Jordan, what's next out of the mailbag? Hey guys, I'm finally solid enough of my job and finances to get a house. I'm having a new one built and I'm very excited. But I'm wondering what the balance is between asking too many questions

and pointing out possible problems with the contractors to just letting the builders do their job. On the one hand, it's my house and it's a whole lot of my money. But on the other hand, I don't want to be that guy. I don't know what the equivalent is to spitting in my food when you're building a house. Maybe it's accidentally leaving your tuna sandwich in the drywall. but I'd rather not experience it. I can be pretty neurotic about big projects like this where there's a lot in the line,

and I want to try to establish the line in the sand now. Thanks, Newhouse Nag. So I reached out to Nag to find out some more info and found out that Nag is building what they basically call a pud. Don't laugh. It's a pud. I have one of those. Okay, yes, it's a planned urban development. Oh, no, I don't have one of those. Actually, you kind of do in your condo.

So he went to a builder, picked his lot, his floor plan finishes, colors, and fixtures. And then basically it's their job to deliver the house that he ordered. It's like going to McDonald's drive-thru for a home. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. So I tapped my roommate, who's a real estate broker. She's built a bunch of homes, apartment buildings with general contractors,

and she's sold a few pud homes as well to get some advice for NAG here. So what you want to do, when you're getting the contract in order, ask as many questions as you want, because that's the time to really. kind of lay everything out before that contract is signed. Ask everything that's on your mind. And I asked him, he has not signed the contract yet. He's getting ready to. He's just worried about like how big of a nag he can be once the contract is signed and things start going. I mean, really, that is the time to put everything on the table. You want to make sure you're comfortable with everything. And make sure you're clear on what's going to be delivered, the time frame,

and the cost. Because once the contract is signed, you're locked in. As a lawyer, Jordan, you know that. Yeah, you can't really back out at that point. Exactly. Once the building starts, you should be able to visit the site whenever you like, since it's your house that they're building. But be sure not to get in the way of the workers. Again, though, ask up front if there are any restrictions on visitation, because there might be. It's an active construction site, so you don't want to show up on a day that they're pouring concrete and just get in the way, like traipsing around and saying, hey, what's going on over here? They're like, we're busy making your driveway, dude. Can we just get back to work? And when it comes to highlighting issues that you might see on the site, never, ever talk to the workers. These guys get their marching orders from up above and your menu that they build from.

That's really it. It's like, I'm building a happy meal. This is my happy meal house. This is my job. I don't need to talk to you, the guy that bought the happy meal. I'm just making the happy meal. Right. And if you see any issues, talk to your contact at the construction company.

This also goes for people who are building a home or doing a renovation using a general contractor. because they're slightly different, but the advice is the same. You want to talk to the contractor and not the workers, because the workers could be subcontractors of subcontractors and have no direct relationship with you. They're replying to their boss who has another boss that talks to another boss. And if you come in, you're going to be like messing up the whole thing. Talk to the head honcho every time.

And it makes things simpler because you're not playing a game of telephone with people who, in all honesty, probably don't have a full grasp of English. Around here, yeah. you're going to end up talking to some like Vietnamese guys or some guys who came here to do that work. Yeah, exactly. And Nag is building outside of Chicago. And when I lived in Chicago, I lived in Downers Grove. I saw one of these types of houses being built like five blocks down, or not even five blocks, five houses down for my house.

Yeah. And you might remember this when we used to record and I was complaining about the noise and the construction noise outside. It was exactly from that. And it was the worst. But we had to do a show. So we did it. what they do is they drop off a mountain of lumber and four Mexican dudes. And that's really it.

And these guys spend two to three months building this house. And the crazy thing is, these guys aren't like looking at plans. Now. These guys just know what the house is supposed to be. Those guys are so talented and they work so hard. It's unbelievable. And I used to talk to him when I'd walk the dogs.

I'd like come by and say hi and you're like, how's it going, whatever? And there was one guy, one guy who spoke English. The other guys, no English whatsoever. So I'm not just being like hyperbolic with like, oh, these guys don't generally speak the language. No, yeah. That's really kind of what it is because it's, you know, that's the way the labor market works. Yeah, it's work nobody, nobody else really wants, I think, at this point.

But, I mean, these guys are so talented. Yeah. So talented. And I, I watch them every day when I'd go by. I'm like, like, they would put up in an almost an entire floor and framing in one day. I'm so crazy. How the hell did you do that? But yeah, a lot of these guys don't speak English.

So if you're talking to the workers, you're not going to be. able to communicate what your problem. Some guy came over and said something about the flooring and we don't really, we're not totally sure or he doesn't like it for some reason or he doesn't like the edges. They look too rough. Who was it? Not sure. Said he was the owner.

What are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Talk to the guys who are in your chain of command. So you want to talk to the contrary. Like if you're having a house done with the GC, talk to the GC. If you're talking with a company that's building your house, talk to your liaison at the company. because, I mean, what this guy has done,

he's like, like I said, he picked out his lot, he picked out his layout, he picked out the finishes, the color, and, you know, just the little things that you can modify in those houses. That's all he has to deal with. If these guys screw up his house, well, he has recourse to go back to them. This is not something that you need to worry about nagging them on

because you have a contract, you have a warranty, and everything that's in that contract has to be delivered upon, so it's not even worth thinking about. I think, really. Yeah. You know, so honestly, enjoy your new home and don't stress about it too much. Yeah, I think that makes sense.

There's a, the houses are guaranteed most likely from the builder. Oh, absolutely. So if you find something, it's not going to be that big of a deal. My brother-in-law, he built a house and he went through a lot of back and forth, but he was trying to save money by going with cheaper contractors, which I totally understand. The problem is you get a lot of guys that are probably not super qualified to do the work. get what you pay for. Yeah, sometimes you do.

And so there's a lot of little problems where it's like, hey, this window stucco is like falling off. Yeah. Because they used the cheap stuff and then they didn't apply it correctly. Then they didn't wait for it to dry before they painted it or whatever. Yeah, yeah, little things like that. I don't even know enough about it to come up with a pretend stucco problem. Yeah. But that's the kind of stuff that happens.

So I don't think there's a whole lot of spinning in your food type stuff from contractors. They might just be like, let's just get this done and get out of here. that's exactly it yeah but i don't think they're going to go let's screw up this guy's stucco because he keeps asking questions that's a that's a leap it really is this isn't a restaurant you're talking about a building which is a you know several hundred thousand dollar project there it's there's regulations there's insurance they've got you know tons of insurance for what they do that also insures their contractors underneath them and i don't think this is like going to a restaurant and getting a bad sandwich you know this is not this is not a one-off contract thing these guys are

to be there, especially if it's a planned development because there are every other house in the development is going to be built by the same people. Yeah. You know, so they have a vested interest in just building that house, getting you in it, getting it done. Yeah. What I would say is once it's done, and your builder might not tell you this, test everything in the house a lot. So one thing that actually bites people in the butt, and we were told this by our builder who's extremely ethical and has a really good reputation and still repairs things at our house, which is like three or four years old now at this point and just says, screw it, we want you to be happy. One thing they said is, hey, this is your downstairs guestroom bathroom.

We know you might not use this very often. What you should do is leave the shower running for half an hour or so and see if there are any issues or have a guest come and stay with you for a couple days or a week and tell you any issues. Because the problem is you're going to go in your bathroom and take a shower. You're going to take a bath. You're going to use the other bathroom to give your kids or your dog a bath or whatever. you're going to run the air conditioner and see if it leaks, which is what happened with ours, it leaked into the roof.

I remember that. That was horrifying, but they fixed it right away. But the downstairs, these guest rooms are the like the bathroom in the basement, the half bath you have downstairs. That's the stuff you'd use once in two years. And then your mother-in-law comes and stays with you and says, hey, there's this weird dripping coming from the ceiling and the water that was in the showers now all over the floor. And you go, oh my God, because they didn't seal it or something. Right. You have to try out.

Try living in each of the bedrooms in your house for a few days. Sleep in there overnight. You hear weird noises. You hear drips. Use that bathroom. Use that shower. Flush that toilet. That's the stuff that goes wrong.

Yeah, stress test your new house. Stress test the new house. I know you want to live in your bedroom and not worry about it. Sleep downstairs in the guest room for a week. I slept in your guest bedroom and I have an issue with your architect because that little sink down there every time I want to go. That sink sucks. Dude, I hit my head on. your mirror so many times. I have the world's smallest sink in my house. It is ridiculous. It's so small

that there are for sure dog bowls that are about the same size or bigger. My dog bowl is definitely bigger. It's so tiny and it's like a weird rectangle shape that's really close to the wall. So if you want to brush your teeth over it, you need a head that is flat. I almost brained myself, like tried to rinse my mouth after I was brushing my teeth. I went down and just brained myself on mirror. The fact that it didn't break was amazing. My parents are like, this sink sucks. My dad's like, screw it. It comes upstairs and they're brushing his teeth in the kitchen. I'm just like, sorry. Yeah, it's, uh, I didn't design that, obviously. I'd rather have a bigger sink that you need to walk around and it's sort of awkward than have that little as sink. I don't know what the deal is with that thing.

Anyway, what's next? Hello, Jordan, Jen, and Jason. Seeing the fabulous photo shoot you and Jen did to announce your upcoming arrival prompted me to finally right in. Do we want to tell people what that arrival actually is? Oh, yeah. We haven't actually mentioned it on the show. Yeah, Jen's pregnant. We're having a boy. I think I'm talking about it more and more on shows because it's not a secret or anything, but I haven't really done any sort of formal announcements. So, yeah, we're having a boy due in August or late July. We'll see. Congrats on your ever-expanding family. Jen looked gorgeous, but props to you for that fabulous me undies dad-to-be shoot on Instagram. Oh, right. I got to say that was epic. Yeah, well done.

Thank you. Yeah. So what we did is we did in a maternity shoot. And Jen was like, it's cold and I have to wear this dress. And I was like, I'll wear the dress. So I put on a nice green maternity dress, stood up on a rock in my underwear and socks, and puffed my stomach out as far as it would go, which is, turns out not just far enough to look fat, not far enough to look like I'm pushing my stomach out, unfortunately.

And stood up on a rock in the middle of the desert and got some nice shots. Instagram.com slash Jordan Harbinger. Definitely go check it out. That's right. It'll be the photo where I'm in a green dress. It's going to be the show art for this episode, by the way. We're going to make it. There you go. Sure. No problem. So look at your podcast player. And if you see custom show art, it's me and a maternity dress. I'm expecting my first child in just five short weeks. I'm 40 years old and my husband and I worked relentlessly for a couple of years before we finally conceived. So we are thrilled to have this experience together. I own a business of 20 people. that's been around for nearly 12 years. I recently started a school for my chosen craft, and our first set of students will graduate this year. I also run a small theatrical group that's grown from four people to 30 and produces shows several times a year. That's my creative

outlet. And any money we make, we give to local charities. I find it something I love as much as my job. At home, I'm a loving wife and bonus mom to two teen stepchildren. We're incredibly excited about this new baby, but I've never been this busy in my life. And baby boy isn't even here yet. I've cut out relationships that don't serve me well. I focus on family and a close set of friends when I can, and I appreciate the time at home more now than ever. I've put good people in good places to help us manage our business and groups. It still doesn't feel like enough.

How do I balance all the things while giving my effort to being the best mom I can possibly be? How do successful people balance between their work they are passionate about, their families they adore, and their outlets they also need to function at an optimal level? people tell me to slow down, but slowing down feels like a prison sentence, and I'm not willing to listen to that advice. I love being busy, but I also strive to be the best in all I do. I'm curious to hear if you have any advice from your mentors on this subject, and as I respect all of you at Team Harbinger, I would love to hear what kind of intentions you are setting for your ever-expanding family.

Thanks in advance for your time, and congrats again. It's such a surreal and exciting time in life, and I can tell you're going to be an amazing parent with a really cool Uncle Jason. sincerely a jack of all trades or master of none what i recommend here is not worrying about what everyone says until you're ready to make a decision i know people say slow down but if you're anything like me you need to hit a wall before you slow down and i think since you've got a lot of great help you've also got plenty of hobbies you're going to be fine you'll be able to balance things until you can't and then and only then it'll be time to make tough decisions so if you can take more of a backseat role in some of the hobbies and outside work stuff, great. If you can take

maternity leave as well, even better. If you've got a thriving business and you can spare the cash, I'd consider hiring a personal assistant. And I know that sounds extravagant, ridiculous, etc. This might be something as simple as a housekeeper or a nanny type person that does all the shopping, etc. Or something more like an executive assistant where they can do some personal assistant work as well as do some of the lighter lifting for your business and theater stuff if needed. And sure, this might cost you a grip of cash. You can find stuff. If you want to go super low end, you go task grab it.

If you want to find something higher end, there's going to be people that you can test out from upwork or something like that in your area or other places where you can hire an assistant and you're looking for them in your area. Or you can just, honestly, you can try Craigslist. So yeah, it'll cost you a little bit of money, but it might also purchase your sanity. It'll keep you rested without having to drop your. hobbies and drop other parts of your business. You've got to keep a lot of plates spinning, so these people can probably help you do just that. And for us, Jenny's parents live really close

by and her dad is retired. So we're leveraging that for sure. They're going to be a lot of help. They're already, we already see them like three times a week. They're really stoked on this kid. So we're ready to let them come by and do a lot of daytime help, take the kids out for the day, et cetera, when they're old enough to do so. Additionally, we may hire other help needed. And sure, it cuts into cash we could have used for other things, a nicer vacation, we could reinvest in the business, whatever. But I'm not sure what's more valuable than being rested, getting a good night's sleep and spending time with the kids and on work instead of having to run errands, do laundry, go to the grocery store, take the cat to the vet, et cetera.

So best of luck with this and definitely keep in touch. I am fully aware that I might be singing a different tune after August. We don't know yet. Oh, you will be. I might be like, I can't do it. I can't believe. No, you can't just hire this out. Like, I might be doing that. But everyone I know that has this problem, that has kids and it's super busy and as the entrepreneur thing going, a lot of these folks are like hire an assistant,

just hire it. Hire a housekeeper. Hire a night nurse. Whatever the sort of weak spot is, you know, if you're not getting sleep, hire a night nurse. If you're not able to get all your errands done and still work on your business, hire an assistant. People are afraid to do that,

but it's actually the best thing that you, you can do to free up your time. Hire someone competent and outsource all of it, everything you can. We'll be right back with more feedback Friday right after this. Thanks for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers keeps us on the air. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com slash deals.

Now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday. All right. Next up. Good morning, Jordan. After working my butt off in school, I'm graduating with my doctorate in May and have managed to land an opportunity working at Harvard. My colleagues are impressed and my parents couldn't be more proud. However, this dream job has a drawback, the pay. After looking further into the pay structure,

I would have to be here for at least five years to make what I could be making in the for-profit space. I love the job and the struggle to get here was immense, but my extremely high student loans are not going away anytime soon. Should I ride the wave and try to capitalize on other opportunities on the side? Or should I stay here for a bit? and when the market is right, go cash in at a for-profit. Thank you immensely. Mo money, more problems?

More like no money, mo problems, I guess in this situation. So the answer, of course, is that it depends. Is the Harvard pedigree something that will help your career? Is it a right of passage? Is it a gatekeeper type situation? Is it something you can leverage for an amazing private sector position later? Or is it just something that sounds good? It's going to make your parents proud.

In other words, is this something that will lead to much? more income later, like a law clerk position where when you're a lawyer, you go work for a judge, you don't get paid much, but then you come back and firms are like really interested in you. Or is this just an ego thing? That's a hugely important question, and that'll give you direction for the rest of this. If you think this will really be something you can leverage for the next gig, then focus on repaying your loans, starting with the highest interest rate possible, and if they still allow it, defer the loans for a bit as well.

Now, option B is to go into something private for a while, pay off a grip of cash on those loans, and then go to Harvard and use that to boost your career. This all depends on whether Harvard is really a career springboard in your field or just looks fancy and makes your grandma proud. And that question is where this all really begins. Because you might be patting yourself on the back. Your parents might be really stoked. Is this something that's going to help your career or is it just, look, I'm at Harvard?

Because that's going to fade and your student loan bills are still going to be there. So you have to ask yourself that question. If it is really going to help your career, then stick it out. You can defer the loans. You can live really beneath your means for a long time and then get your pedigree in. And then you can go cash in at a for-profit, pay off those loans. It's just, it's going to be tricky. You're starting to save money later.

Your lifestyle is going to be lower for a while. Your loan repayment's going to take longer. But that might be worth it. You have to balance that, though, and remove the idea that people are impressed by Harvard. because that's going to fade after like a couple of months and you're going to be stuck where you are financially. So make sure that you know what you're doing. That's what requires an honest answer to the question. And then after that, your path will be much more clear. All right. Next up. Hey, Triple J, long time listener. First, I'm caller. I'm in my mid-20s and work as part of an in-house

media team within a large organization of over 10,000 people. I've been in my current position for approximately 18 months and I think I may need to renegotiate my contract. Essentially, my position description doesn't reflect the nature of my day-to-day work. According to my contract, I'm responsible for organizing all photography for the organization, booking talent, creating run sheets, and managing our enormous image library. However, since hiring my assistant, in reality, much of my time, at least 70% is spent shooting and editing photo and video content. Content creation is something I love and an area in which I'm highly skilled, so I've been very happy to take on dozens of content creation projects, some of which have taken me overseas, alongside my management and organizational

responsibilities. I've recently met resistance from upper management while seeking to formalize my daily content creation activities into my contract. I suspect this is because it would mean a significant pay increase of approximately $7,000 annually. I don't want to stop producing content and revert solely to management and organization of other people's work, but I also feel is unfair for me to continue to do so without being fairly compensated. How do I approach it? How do I approach contract negotiation gracefully. Should I ditch the content creation until it's formally included in my contract? Is it even worth going into a negotiation at all? Or should I not ruffle any feathers and be grateful for the awesome job that I have at such an early stage in my career? Thanks for all that

you do, resistant renegotiator. In my opinion here, 18 months is long enough that you should be getting some kind of growth within the company. You have to ask in order to get what you want. No big surprise there. You need to spend time preparing for. the negotiation, look into what the market rate is for what people are getting paid in similar positions. Gather up data on the projects that you've been doing to prove the percentage of time that you spend on content creation, for example, and then you'll want to be able to provide that to management during the negotiation process. You should also ask for a title increase as well, in my opinion. Now, sure, yes, you should be grateful for the job you're in, and any

negotiation should begin with you expressing this. That said, you're being taken advantage of, Possibly more in a benign neglect sort of way versus a malicious sort of way. They might just be like, oh, he's really good at this. Stack it on. And then when you say, hey, look, I need to be compensated for this. They're like, oh, it's kind of part of your job. Can't take that long. You know, they might not know.

The longer you let something like this ride, though, the more you get things stacked on your plate that you then cannot get rid of. You know, if you say, hey, I've been doing this as a favor for a while, but it's not really in my job description, that's fine. Try doing that after a year. You know, they're going to go, what are you talking about? You've been doing this for a year. You're the only guy we have.

I think you go into this one not saying, I'm underpaid, but you go into it saying, look, I can only focus on one job and do it well. Do you want me for the content creation job or the management job? I'm happy to do one or both, but if it is both, I need a title bump and an increase in salary so that I can focus on doing that particular job or working on that particular set of jobs that requires more time. They should be behind this. Remember, good companies want and need to retain their high performing talent. Silicon Valley does gymnastics to recruit and retain talent. They've got like kitchens and they've got food truck day and they've got the freaking slide in the office and they got the trainer there and you can borrow the bike and they got a

massage guy. I mean, trampolines for everybody. Exactly. Oh, and you can spend 10% of your time working on a random project. Like they do this because that's what it takes to get people to come. come work for you who are super high performing and have the ability to go elsewhere. So the other reason is it's really expensive to get someone in the door and retrain them to do the job that you're doing.

And they know this. Your manager knows this. Honestly, it's too expensive to lose you. If they have you doing two jobs, you're more valuable than just one person. So make a huge list of things you've done, things you've accomplished so that you can prove ROI, return on investment when you go into negotiate. Show them all the things you've done. Contrast that with what you were doing before

and how much more is happening in your current double role. Then re-express that you're in it for the long haul, and once this is settled, you're off to the races. If they won't negotiate with you and they keep expecting you to do things that are not your job, start looking elsewhere because they don't respect you and they're taking advantage of you at that point. Hopefully, though, management knows you're capable of doing this,

which is why they're giving you the work in the first place, and they just kind of need a squeaky wheel to grease. Honestly, 7K, not a lot for a company that large. No, it's a drop in the bucket. 10,000 employees, holy, holy. Yeah. I mean, they're just not that many companies that big. Yeah.

So 7K, they've had catered lunches that cost more than that. I guarantee you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Probably several times a week. Yeah. So hopefully this is not going to be a huge issue. Best of luck with it. Keep in touch because honestly, they might be telling you that they don't respect your time.

But if your manager, you just need to go in, negotiate, show them what you got. And if they're like, no thanks, then you can say, hey, just FYI, I'm out of here. Yeah. And sometimes what happens here is the human resources is the pushback. They're the ones that are trying to save the company money because they work for the company, not for the employees. And what you need to do is get your bosses on your side to go to bat for you. So if they know that you're doing great work, they're going to go up to HR and they're going to be your advocates. So make sure that your bosses are on your side

Because those guys don't have a vested interest In saving the company any money No. It's human resources that are the enemy most of the time. So you want to be able to go up against them With, you know, your team on your side. So if your bosses say he's doing great work, Look at all the new stuff that he's been doing

And he's been underpaid for this long. We're getting a deal by giving him a raise right now Because we've gotten all this other work out of him For basically what we were paying him before For the organizational job. So get your bosses on your side. For sure. All right. Next up.

Hey, Triple J. I attend many events and get a lot of new contact info for people I meet. Usually I send them an email saying where we met and asked them something related to how I know them and acknowledge their life is busy. So take whatever time they need to respond. The problem is that the majority of people don't respond, even after they asked me to contact them when they gave me their info. Others might respond with something once saying, let's connect. But when I send the next email asking when and where is good for them, the conversation

stops. Not everyone does this, and it makes attempting to connect others together an even more difficult task if I don't know that they are even getting my message. The problem occurs with people I want to make friends with as well. I'll get phone numbers and they will hardly or never respond. What am I doing wrong? And am I expecting too much of people? The people I network with tend to be very busy people with heavy inboxes. Should I send another email and hope that one of them will reach the person? I get that it's an easy way to obtain more attention by helping people, but how can I find out what they need help with when I can't start or continue a conversation. Signed, tired of being ghosted.

This is a common issue for sure. And part of this is that people are lazy AF. And if you don't know what AF means, then, yeah, you can Google it. People convince themselves they're overwhelmed with all the stuff they do. And when many, honestly, most of these people are just disorganized. They're not very considerate. They're just not really conscientious, is the word I'm looking for. Conscientious?

Yeah, that's conscientious a. Conscientious AF, yeah. That's the cold truth here. I get thousands of emails. I reply to all of them. It takes me a while, but I replied to all of them. Someone who gets three dozen emails in a week thinks the sky is falling, they're going to get zero sympathy from me. Yeah.

Oh, I got so many things to do because I check my email and then I go, I don't want to answer this right now. And then I watch Netflix and then I got to walk my dog while I listen to Spotify. I mean, people always think they're busier than they are. It's ridiculous. Anyway, that's a whole man. get maybe 150 emails a day. I respond to all of them. But what kills me is when people connect with you on LinkedIn, they send you a personal

message, you reply to them, and then they ghost you. That's been happening a lot. I think there's a bot out there that people are using. Yeah, it's crazy. It's so annoying. So I sympathize with tired of being ghosted. Yeah, it's, it's, hey, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I never check LinkedIn.

Then why did you? No, mind. So you're expecting a lot of people. Yes, you are expecting a lot from people, but you're not. expecting too much. And what you're seeing here is the filtering process and action. Yes, a lot of people are going to be like, oh, I'm not answering. Oh, I'm lazy. Oh, sorry. Just saw this. Dude, it's a text message. I know you didn't just see this. Give me a break. It said red. And it tells me the date and the time. Right. I know you didn't. You replied to it.

Yeah, that kind of thing. So this filters out people who are just not going to be courteous. They're not prioritizing your relationship, et cetera. That's what spokes. to happen. Yes, it can be a disappointing number of people that actually follow through and what they say they're going to do. That's how I met Gabriel. He and I met in L.A. And he goes, wow, you know, you're here. And I was like, yeah, because I called to confirm with him. And I was like, are we still doing lunch tomorrow? And he's like, yeah, of course. And I was like, oh, okay. And then the morning of I was like, still on for lunch. And he's like, yeah, dude, why? And I'm like, because it's L.A. and nobody ever does anything. They say they're going to do. And I just

wanted to make sure that you are actually going to be there if I show up, you know? Yep. So I get that people are busy and you can email a few times. You let them know you realize they're busy, et cetera, so you don't look pathetic chasing them. You know, like, hey, I realize you're busy. Just wanted to circle back on this. I know we wanted to connect and get lunch.

Don't be needy. Don't be needy after that, though. You know, a couple reminders, whatever. Phone numbers are better than email. So always try to get phone numbers and text people for logistics. It'll be better. You can say, what's the best way to reach you is phone. or email the best. And a lot of people will be like, uh, email's good. Or what I do is I go,

here, take my number. And a lot of people are like, uh, okay. And sometimes they're probably like, oh, shoot, I didn't want to give the number. I don't care. I'm fine with that. I discuss some of the logistics of follow up and making sure that people recommit in six minute networking, Jordan Harbinger. com slash courses where you can find six minute networking. Again, it's free. The response rate there will be higher than normal if you use the techniques from that course. And you're right, the best way is to help people. The way to do this is to figure out their needs,

then use what's called the briefcase technique. And I've actually got Ramit Seetie here on the show. He's going to bring us through this particular tactic, which is super effective in my experience. So here we go. All right. The briefcase technique is one of my favorite techniques. People use it to get jobs

that they might not even be qualified for on paper. They use it to raise their rates as freelancers, and they use it to get in touch with busy people and connect with them and often get jobs. So what is it? It's called the briefcase technique because it involves a little bit of theatricality, which I love. And the concept is when most people apply for jobs or they try to network with someone, they basically all do it the same and they all do it wrong. They're like, hey, man, I'd like a job. Here's my resume. It's like you and 10,000 other people just did that.

You already lost. You don't even know it. Same thing with networking. they're like, hey, I really loved your article. Any chance we can talk and I can pick your brain? It's like that person got 10 of those emails in the last hour. So you already lost there too. But imagine you did something different. Imagine you were applying for a job. I'm going to give you that example first. And you did a little research. You listened to the interviews that the CEO has given in the last two months. And the CEO might mention, you know, we have a real focus on retention right now.

That's a big thing for us. And then you search retention and the name of the company. And then you talk to somebody from LinkedIn who used to work there and you say, hey, would you mind spending 10 minutes on the phone? I'm thinking about applying. I'd love to know what it's like there. You ask them, are they focused on retention? Is there something that I could help with? And by the time you go to apply for that job, you've already spoken to multiple people at the company, you've listened to the CEO's interviews, you walk in, whether it's through your cover letter or when you get the interview, and you say, I understand that retention is one of the core challenges in the business. I took the liberty of speaking to a couple of people who used to work here and a couple of people that currently do, Joe and Nancy, and they mentioned that, you know, I should talk to you.

Here's a couple of things I would do in my first 30, 60, and 90 days. This is where the briefcase comes in. Now, you can literally have a briefcase if you have one and pull it out or you can pull it out of your backpack. It doesn't matter. The point is it's actually very theatrical. Boom! You put this piece of paper down, three or four pages, and you say, goal, increase, return. attention by 10%. Here are some of the projects I would do. Here's what another company has done. Here's what my objectives would be, and here's how you would measure it. Hand it to the manager. Jordan, what do you think that manager is going to do as they are reading this page? Well, first of all, he's going to be like, what the hell is this next level applicant? Circle it in gold, whatever. Eight plus. Here's the job. How much do you want to make?

It sounds crazy because people, the first thing they'll say is like, where am I going to get all this information. Isn't it presumptuous to assume I know? Well, that's why you need to do your research. You need to speak to people. You need to really understand the challenges. But I will tell you that your competition is not doing this. Right. So you are instantly setting yourself apart. Now, I want to give you a second example. Let's say that you're trying to network and meet somebody who you really like you want to build a relationship with. I'll give you my own example. Okay. If you were to follow me on social media, on Twitter, on Instagram, et cetera, you would see that I'm starting to do more with my Instagram channel. I'm doing personal stuff. I'm doing video. I'm selling some of my

courses there. There's a lot of stuff I'm not really good at. Like my images, they're okay. My videos, I'm not that great. But I get a lot of people who are awesome at video. Like, it comes naturally to me. It doesn't come naturally to me. If I were a talented video editor, and I'm not saying this so I get free video help, I'm not asking for that, but I'm showing you how I would think about it. I would do what somebody named Charlie Hone did for me years ago. Oh, right, Charlie, yeah. He came to me and he said, hey, Ramit, I noticed you're starting to use YouTube more. I went ahead and fixed your video for you. I re-edited it for you. Here's the file. And I made it more efficient and it's cooler and I put some images on it. If you'd like to talk, here's my phone number. I'd love to help you out in some other ways. I called that guy in like five minutes. I ended up working with him and later introducing him to Tim Ferriss. So you can do it for free. I'm actually a big fan of free work. You can show a sample and do it. For pay, it's up to you, but the way to stand out is to not just tell people what you would do, but show them.

And you can find out what people are interested in by just following them and really critically analyzing what they're spending their time. Yeah, this makes sense. In fact, somebody just did this to me today. I was like, hey, Kyler, how you doing? That's his real name, but screwed. He did a good job. And he's like, oh, yeah, I'm just doing stuff.

I'm marketing for a couple clients. And he's like, by the way, I know you probably don't want me to do this, so I apologize. You apologize for doing it. He goes, I looked at your Facebook and I realize you're not really doing this really basic thing. He goes, yeah, do you want to talk tomorrow? I was like, yeah. Exactly. So we have a call tomorrow where I'm literally just going to hire this guy. So I love it. And let's say that you're like, hey, I don't have all that client work. How do I go to Jordan? Well, the answer is don't go straight to Jordan. Right. You don't go to the Olympics first. You start off, find somebody else. Start off with

somebody smaller. There's a lot of entrepreneurs who would love to get a little bit of free help. prove that you can help with them, then move your way up, and eventually when you're really good, then you're ready to make the ask for Jordan. That's how you do it. That's a good point. A lot of people will go like, oh, hey, I make messenger bots. And I'm like, I don't know you, who have you worked with? No one? Too risky. But if you come and you say, I'm making Alexa skills like this one dude, and I go, oh, cool, well, who do you work with? I work with this guy and this guy, but I've also been listening to your show for six years. Here are the exact things I would put in there. I'm like, you can totally do that.

Because another great example of showing not telling you. Yeah, there's a lot of talkers online, but when you can show what you would do or better yet, you just do it, you instantly separate yourself into the top 1%. Thanks for me. All right. Last but not least. JJ and Jay, I'm writing to get your perspective on starting a new relationship while in an awkward stage of my life. I'm in my mid-30s, just finished my PhD, but I'm changing my career direction by stepping into the private sector and live in a good-sized European city. where I can get by in the language, but am not impressing the natives with my skills. I feel like a man-child.

On one hand, I have letters after my name, signifying accomplishment, and I'm at an age when many people are settling into careers, as well as first homes with partners and are having children. On the other hand, I'm living in student housing, am starting near the bottom of the hierarchy in my new career track, and I'm alone since my recent relationship of two-plus years just ended. I've always been a serial monogamist, and I've had five long-term committed relationships.

Having a lover has always been important to me, and losing them is always devastating. Meeting new people to start new relationships has been easier in the past, in school and then in academia. Many people are expats and have similar experiences to draw upon. Now I'm out in the real world where I find myself swiping right in apps, showing me women 10 years my junior, and I'm unsurprisingly not getting matches. Even if I do get a match from these platforms, I realize I feel ashamed of where I am in my life, and I would have a hard time explaining myself to a woman I'm interested in.

Should I get my housing and career in order before I pursue a new romance, or should I go after it all simultaneously? If I take the first option, who knows if I'll ever feel the self-assurance I think I'm lacking now, and if I do, then I may be aged out of the option of building a family. If I take the second option, I suspect it will be difficult to find someone who can identify with my circumstances, or at least will not think little of me for not having come further by this age. Thanks for your tips.

signed restarting over again. So the problem here, of course, is that, yeah, if he waits till he feels good, not only are going to be aged out of the option, you might never have enough sort of self-esteem to jump into that. This is not just caused by your circumstances. Part of it is for sure. Obviously, the pros are if you start getting your housing in order and your career in order, you'll feel a little bit better, you'll be better able to provide, you might feel a little

bit more secure. The cons are you're going to be too old and it's going to take you a really long time to do it. And you're not getting any practice right now in relationships, which actually concerns me. Yeah, definitely. Because the longer you kind of get rusty, and I don't just mean your game is getting rusty, but like you build your life around not sharing it with anyone, the more difficult it is and the more unlikely it is, honestly, to change that. Those skills atrophy. Yeah, they atrophy. And you get set in your ways and we tend to not be growing as quickly as we are with a partner. There's a whole lot of things that can be sort of difficult about that. I would say if you go after it now, don't expect the person that you meet next to be the one. But I think you need to be dating, putting yourself out there.

So what? If you date younger people or if you date older people, it doesn't really matter. You know, you don't have to be looking for the one right now. I think just enjoying yourself, having fun in the meantime, building that social skill set. There's something. there, but don't just latch on to the next relationship. I know that you're a serial monogamous. You've had long-term committed relationships. Losing them is always devastating. It sounds like maybe you're relying a lot on other people for your sense of identity, not just your circumstances, not just your career, but the other person. And I know that it's easier to meet people in the past. I think you can meet plenty of people now. I think you're just feeling really insecure and not

centered in where you are, not grounded in where you are right now. And I get that. I get that. being on uneasy footing is not easy. But I don't think the solution is to crawl in a hole and wait for better days. It's 30. You know, it's not over the hill. A mid-30s. But still, not too old. You're not 55 and you're going, I, you know, I'm unemployed.

I mean, you're a PhD and you're into mid-30s. You're fine. Yeah, totally. I would definitely just, you know, follow what Jordan said and get back out there and get those muscles going. That's right. Yeah, because don't worry, you're not going to be age. out. You can have kids when you're 55 if you want to. You'll just be an old dad. And even if you are 55 and you were in this situation, you'd be fine. You just need to get back on your feet when it

comes to this. I know that you're swiping right. You're not finding the right people in your network. You need to get settled where you are and build a social circle and worry about that more than you're worried about dating. A lot of people worry about dating when what they should be worrying about is making friends and building social connections. That comes first. And that'll help insulate you from relying on your partner too much for your sense of self-worth as well. Because if you are relying on your partner for all of your social activity, that's when everything is devastating because you're completely alone when that ends. So if you have a social circle and that's healthy, you'll be meeting plenty of people and you'll

be bringing them into a world that you're already kind of a part of instead of relying on them to be your entire world, which is a lot of pressure for anyone and puts a lot of strain in the relationship as well. All right. Life Pro Tip. A lot of of people go, well, look, I can't afford all these great clothes. I want to up my style. I want to make sure that I look good, but I don't want to spend a lot of money on this. You can save your money on clothes. The trick is finding a good tailor. A well-fitting wardrobe of thrift store fines is fine. If you've got old clothes that don't fit anymore, have them tailored down. That looks much better in person than most high-end clothing that's off the rack. It's all about getting the good fit. It

doesn't really matter. It's all about cut and fit. It's far less about the name on the label, of course, even the material can matter less. You can find some good quality used stuff and then just have it form fitted to you and you'll be great. It'll be good. So that's a tip. I did a lot of that in my 20s and 30s. I just, I didn't want to go out and buy really expensive, nice stuff. So I'd go and I'd find like a leather jacket from Salvation Army or just a cool vintage store. Go to a leather worker and be like, this thing is bulky and looks like it. it was crafted in the 50s because it was for somebody that was heavier than me. And they'll be like, cool, take in the back, measure you, cut you.

Then I got like this amazing piece of vintage jacket. And I remember guys telling me at the gym, this guy goes, yeah, I got a lot of jackets like that. I'm a big leather jacket guy. I just bought something that looks just like that. It was a great fine. And I was like, oh, yeah. And he goes, how much you pay for that?

Like $2,500? And I was like, um, more like $25. Yeah. And he could not believe it. He was like, what? I was like, yeah, I paid, I think, like, 80 bucks for the jacket, realistically, and took it to the leather worker, Taylor, whatever. Yeah. And I paid him, like, $200.

Because it was a leather jacket. So I spent, like, $300 for this custom-fitted vintage leather jacket, and that dude spent 10 times as much money on his. Yeah. That's the way to do it, man. And, you know, look for really good clothes from fat people because then you can always cut them down. Yeah. Oh, that guy had spent $2,700 on a leather jacket and did. didn't have it tailored.

This is just the vintage jacket. Yeah. So he was like, dang. You know, he couldn't believe it. So if you're willing to put in the time and have the tailor do it, just drop, go to the tailor with all the stuff that doesn't fit that you still like. Yeah. And just be like, how much for all this?

And they'll usually cut you a nice deal because they're trying to find work a lot of these guys. They're trying to find stuff to do depending on the city you're in. So if they were going to charge you $30 for a T-shirt, maybe they'll charge you 20, and you can get a bunch of different shirts tailored and a bunch of pants tailored. Yeah, a lot of people don't go to tailors anymore. So you can definitely get a deal if you go in and just like want to be a, you know, long-term client with a lot of stuff. You can definitely get a good deal. Yeah. And a lot of tailors are busy making suits and stuff and they've got an apprentice just

standing there. Yep. And they're helping a little bit. But a lot of times it'll be like, hey, you can do all this stuff. Yeah. It's not difficult. Yeah. The other option is you don't have to go to a professional tailor. If you can find somebody who's skilled and you're not talking about taking in a leather jacket, you're talking more about, like, hemming and cutting some pants to fit, you can probably go to pretty much any woman or man who's trained as a seamstress. You don't have to go to a professional suit, Taylor. Yeah, I've had my jeans hemmed for like 10 bucks, you know. Yeah.

Super cheap. You'd be surprised. I found that our housekeepers friends and family, they'll take stuff and they'll be like, sure. Because they're sewing up their kids' clothes. They're just as qualified for what I need. You know, it's really not that complex, and it looks so much better. Recommendation of the week, Jason, this one's yours, eh? Yeah, you put it in here.

And over the past two nights and damn you for this one, it's the kindness diaries. Nice. On Netflix. Yeah. And I watched season two, and I binged it for the past two nights. I got like half the first night, half the second night. And I think I got like maybe three hours of sleep last night because it's a great little series and they're like 21 minutes long. So I'm probably going to butcher this guy's name. It's

Leon Logothetus. Yeah. And he goes around the world and he's, and season two, he's traveling from Alaska to Argentina and he does it completely on the kindness of others. So he doesn't pay for gas. He doesn't pay for food and he doesn't pay for lodging the entire way down. And it's addictive. It's an addictive, happy show. And I just got like completely sucked up in it. And and watch the entire second season in two nights. And I am completely sleep deprived, so thank you very much, Jordan, for that. But it's a great show.

It's a great show. Yeah, we really want to get him on the show as well, so hopefully that's in the works. And it just seems like a really interesting trek. I wish I'd thought of this to just travel around the world based on kindness. Although I do wonder, where do you sleep when you don't find somebody? In his car.

I know, that sucks. He's traveling. Well, it sucks even more, because he's traveling in a 1971 VW bug. Oh my God. And he doesn't look like a small dude. And like where do you eat? You have to always beg for food?

You're not begging. You're just asking. True. And I got to say that, you know, I wish I had the Hutzpah to do what he does because he walks up to everybody and says, in 90% of the trip, it's like, do you speak English? Do you speak English? But he finds somebody that speaks English. It's like, jackpot.

I can actually ask you if I can have some food and a place to stay. Yeah. What I want to know is how long does he like get stuck at gas station? waiting for somebody to come along that he can get them to buy him a tank of gas. Yeah. Put that question in the show notes because I'm like, how much time are you spending just wandering around in the rain? Yeah, because it's homeless, basically.

Exactly. It's like begging, just like, hey, I'm on this great journey. Can you help me? Can you help me? Yeah. It must help to have a camera next to you. Yes. Instead of like a random, because I've had people ask me for that stuff when I'm traveling

and I'm like, no, bro. Yeah. But if somebody came up and was like, here's a, boom arm a camera and a PA that's like, do you mind if we film you? And then it's like, hi, can I stay at your house? It's like, well, no. But then other times it's like, well, okay, I'm going to be on TV. Exactly. You come with the whole crew. Exactly. You know, it's a nice big Netflix sticker on their video camera. And here's a deal. If you're like a kid and you're out there right now, like trying to like bum gas money, get your friends a clipboard,

get them a fake old video camera and then you just fake the whole thing. And then you're probably going to be more likely to actually get some gas money. Yeah, the boom arm with like a little fuzzy fake microphone at the end. Yep, totally. Yeah, $600 in accessories, but free gas. I think you could fake it for 50 bucks. Probably. You could totally fake it for 50. Don't scam people, though, peeps. Don't scam people, folks. Hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. Don't forget, you can email us Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. We'll get your questions answered on the air. We will always keep you anonymous. A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at Jordan Harbinger.com.

Quick shout out to Mark Serratore. He, I think it's just Cerratory, probably, by now, but originally it was that. He got a prison pen pal for a college course 10 years ago, and he's still in touch with the prisoner. And my story about going to the maximum security prison last week reminded him of that. And I plan on doing more with the prison. So stay tuned for more on that. Go back and check out the guests, Lisa Lampinelli and Nevin, Jane, if you haven't yet.

And if you want to know how I managed to book all these great people, manage my relationships using systems and tiny habits with hundreds slash 1,000 plus amazing people, check out our six-minute networking course, which is free. It's over at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. This course replaces the old course. I had one called Level 1. This new course, Six-Minute networking, has a bunch of upgraded drills. There's new tech in there.

I left Advanced Human Dynamics. I no longer have anything to do with Level 1 or Advanced Human Dynamics, FYI. And do it now. go to Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. Don't wait because the problem is that we're not able to make up for lost time when it comes to relationships and when it comes to networking. The number one mistake people make. I see this with entrepreneurs.

I see it with students. Y'all postpone this and you don't dig the well before you get thirsty. And once you need these relationships, you're too late. And look, it's called six minute networking because these videos are short, the drills are short. It's a type of thing that you can ignore only at your own peril. And it's at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at Jordan Harbinger.

It's a great way to engage with the show. Jason. My personal website is at jpd.m.com. And you can check out my awesome tech podcast, grumpy old geeks at gog. Show or your podcast player of choice. This show is produced in association with Podcast One. And this episode was co-produced by Jen Harbinger. Show notes for the episode are by Robert Fogarty. Keep sending in those questions to Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com.

And remember, we rise by lifting others. So share the show with those you love and even those you don't. Lots more in the pipeline. Very excited for upcoming guests and shows. And in the meantime, do your best. to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time. This episode is sponsored in part by Something You Should Know podcast. Finding a new great podcast shouldn't be this hard, so let me save you some time.

If you like the Jordan Harbinger show, you'll probably like Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. It's one of those shows that makes you smarter in a practical, useful way. Same curiosity vibe we go for here, just in a fast, focused format. Mike brings on top experts and asks the exact questions that you'd want to ask, and the topics are all over the place in the best way. recently they've covered things like why we care so much what other people think the benefits of laughter why sports fans get so invested and what makes people like you or not the through line is always the same smart ideas you can actually use in real life something you should know has been featured in apple's shows we love and it's got thousands of five-star reviews because it's consistently interesting so if you want another show that scratches that i want to understand how people in the world really work itch search for something you should know wherever you get your podcasts look for the bright yellow light bulb and Start listening. You can thank me later.