The Jordan Harbinger Show - 191: How To Deal With a Friend Who Dominates Conversations | Feedback Friday

Episode Date: April 26, 2019

Outing a psycho ex who once violently assaulted you might seem like a mission of personal vindication that you'd like to feel is beneath you. But what if you've recently encountered them working in close proximity with people you care about? Is it your responsibility to out that psycho ex for the sake of public safety? If so, how do you do it safely? We'll discuss this and much more in this episode. And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason DeFillippo (@jpdef) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://jordanharbinger.com/191. On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Should you tell your uncle that one of his employees tried to strangle you seven years ago because the wife he was hiding found out about your fling? You want to be as open and honest as possible, but you often can't make sense of your own thoughts, let alone explain them to others. How can you better express yourself? Has Los Angeles turned your once-favorite sibling into a monster, or are there other factors at play dictating why you can't get along anymore during family visits? How can you learn to be more understanding and less stubborn? How do you deal with a friend who dominates conversations, lacks self-awareness, and is overly sensitive? Since you often have to travel for work, how do you negotiate with your boss on staying a few extra days for vacation? You make excellent money and live a lavish lifestyle, but your work is unfulfilling and most days are miserable. You can't take time off to “find” yourself, so what can you do? What's the right way to tell your religiously devout family that you are no longer a true believer and won't be getting married in a church? Life Pro Tip: Make a great impression at a brand new job by documenting the whole training process in detail — this is often invaluable to small companies and startups. Recommendation of the Week: Saudi Arabia Uncovered Quick shoutout to Mike Posner's Aide-de-camp, Cameron! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Sign...See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger, and I'm here with producer Jason DeFilippo. Here on the Jordan Harbinger show, we love having conversations with our guests. And this week, we had Humble the Poet, talking about how to pick the right influences in your life and filter the right influences. And Guy Kawasaki discussing traits from leaders like Steve Jobs that we should seek to emulate. And the qualities we should not seek to emulate, especially in light of all this Elizabeth Holmes drama. Also, I write every so often on the blog, the latest post is how to talk about yourself without sounding like an a-hole. A lot of us have trouble talking about ourselves and are afraid to sell what we've got. as far as our skill sets, which can be career limiting,

as we don't want to seem insufferable like those folks that aren't afraid to talk about themselves and do so nonstop. We'll also show you how to strike the right balance and have some techniques on how to talk about yourself in the right way. That article and more at jordanharbinger.com slash articles. So make sure you've had a look and a listen there

to all of that from this week. Of course, our primary mission is to pass along our guests' insights and experiences and our experiences and insights along to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have these conversations directly with you, more or less. And that's what we do today and every Friday here on Feedback Friday. You can reach us Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. Questions, comments, engagement, always welcome.

And I got to say, Jason, a lot of people, many people were really helpful and really understanding about us trying to book more women on the show. We have a lot of good leads. We've got a lot of women lined up that are going to be great. I was surprised, though, how many people were outright jerks about. it. Oh, the people are jerks on the internet? Oh, I just couldn't believe it. I do declare. I'm clutching my pearls right now. It was, there were a lot of people that were like, well, you're just not trying hard enough because there's tons of women that want to be. And I'm like, whoa,

we've talked about this, we addressed that. It just seemed a little unfair. Oh, you're doing something wrong. The reason women are saying no, or the reason you're not able to schedule them is because you're non-inclusive or you're too masculine or the audience isn't diverse enough. This is all BS. Seriously, kiss my ass. We work our ass off to get a decent balance on this show. So kiss my ass that we're not working hard enough. No, seriously. Take it it personally. But I mean, look, it is, it is baloney. We had an Edison research survey. The audience is extremely diverse, especially for podcasts, which are really a bunch of white dudes still listening. And we have a hugely diverse audience. We can back that up. We have the stats to prove it. So,

To imply somehow that like, I'm too bro or too manly man to be able to invite a guest on the show is not only insulting to the team here. It's honestly insulting to the women that we invite because it somehow implies that competent women would be intimidated or uncomfortable talking with us, which actually makes zero sense, given the caliber of women we have had on the show in the past. So if you want to help, I'm all ears for show pitches for guests. If you want to imply, though, that we aren't trying or you want to whine in my inbox about how we must be doing something wrong, please just take your triggered nonsense elsewhere. And I normally don't get all riled up, neither to you, Jason, like this. But this stuff, it makes me regret sharing things like this and opening the kimono about what's going on in the show

because for as many people as were super helpful, I feel like sometimes we just encourage the most ridiculous people to reach out and bring their daddy issues to the forefront here. It's just insane. And my inbox is not a platform for you to complain about how hard you have it in life because toxic masculinity. if you want to help, I'm all for it. Seriously, though, this victim shit is just out of control.

And I'm a bit surprised to see this from some of you. I think it's a self-selecting group that gets all self-righteous about things like this. But holy moly, I would expect it. I just expected a little more. You know, I expected a little bit more than sort of like partisan BS and inclusion porn. Is that a term that makes sense? Inclusion porn. Kind of, yeah, he just made that up.

I like it. Yeah, it really seemed a lot like that. It was a lot of socks and sandals in my inbox, if you know what I'm saying. Oh, yuck. Yuck. Yeah. And I just thought like, what the heck is going on. And what's funny is I got a lot of awesome emails from people that really wanted to help. And they were like, competent women that listen, that are military officers or competent women that are in corporate, that were like, hey, I've got all these great ideas. The people that seem to get all kind of upset about it, you could just sort of see in the language that they were using. It's like this really hit a chord with their childhood or their early career that they just haven't let go.

In the chip on their shoulder was really palpable. Let me guess. Most of the people that complained were dudes. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, I'm offended on behalf of da-da-da-da-da-da. But then you'd get like some corporate C-suite woman who's like totally get it. Your theory's right about this.

I had a career in XYZ for a long time where we had a reporter who was like, look, I'm a stay-at-home mom now. but I was a reporter for a while, and there was all this stuff. And I just thought, wow, people who have been really capable and have fought through this, they seem to get it. The people that, I don't know, read a hell of a lot of blogs about, again, inclusion porn, those people were just like, wham, I'm going to throw a bottle through the window of a Starbucks.

I don't know what their deal was. Yeah. Just sort of surprising. I really, I'm starting to get a feel. I'm just glad we don't do a show about politics. I can only imagine what's in like Ben, Shapiro or Rachel Rachel Maddell or whatever

Dave Rubin's inbox like holy screech that must just be a full-time job oh man we did a lot of politics when Trump got elected on Grumpy old geeks and you have no idea how bad it can get and yeah that's why we don't touch politics here with a 10 foot pole but uh I just

want everybody to know that we're a safe place for women to come on the show we treat everybody exactly the same and we want to hear what you have to say. It's, it has nothing to do with gender. It's just we want to give the knowledge that people have back to the audience. That's it. That's really all we care about. So bring it on. All right, Jason, what's the first thing out of the mailbag? Well, we're starting a little serious note here today. Hey guys, seven years ago, I was young and stupid and had a fling with the co-worker. He told me he wasn't married, but a week later, I got a call from his wife and I answered all her

questions truthfully. When I went to work, I mentioned the situation in passing to another work friend who told the guy to watch his back. Out of nowhere, he came trying to attack and strangle me. He was pulled back by three guys yelling, I'm going to kill you, bitch. Wow. Yeah, seriously. That's insane.

Long story short, he got fired. I attempted to file a police report, but I didn't know his day to birth, so I never completed it. I've avoided him since. My problem is, I recently went to lunch at a restaurant co-owned by my uncle, where my sister works,

and recognized him as one of the first. of the new employees. I asked my sister about him and she said he had mentioned he knew me from when I'd gone in previously. She didn't know the story because she was young when it happened, but the rest of my family did and it was a big deal when it happened. I broke down and told her the entire story and swore her to secrecy because I didn't want her inadvertently bringing me up in conversation. I have two kids now and one on the way. I don't need nor want any unnecessary drama in my life, but seeing this person still makes me terrified and sick to my stomach. understandably. Yeah, this is, this is creepy. Let's continue because I am, I'm like getting the

goosebumps right now. Yeah, yeah, I think we both have a lot to say about this one. I was shaking for hours after recognizing him. My family goes to this restaurant regularly for meals, parties, et cetera, and I've even picked up shifts here and there. I know if I mentioned it to my uncle or anyone else in my family, they'll likely fire him. We live in a right to fire state, but I don't want that because I feel I'd be unnecessarily bringing the wrath on me. Honestly, I just want to let bygones be bygones. He's beaten other women and even gone to jail for it in the past. Okay, that's something to...

Wow. We're going to put a checkmark in that. Yeah. Yeah. My sister says he's a nice guy, but today he jokingly said, watch your back to her. Ha, ha, ha. I might do something horrible to your sister. L.O.L.

whatever, dude. Creep City. Violence callback. right there. She didn't feel he was doing it threateningly, but I still worry in the back of my mind that he holds a grudge after all these years and is going to snap one day. Do I tell the family? Do I continue to avoid the restaurant? And if so, how do I explain it to my uncle? Any other opinions on this situation or how would you approach it? I know this isn't your niche, but you guys always have such great advice and I feel like anyone I talk to who I would know would react,

not respond. Thanks. Can I get it to go bag for my psycho ex? Dude, this is nuts. Yep. What? Yeah. Wow. You have to say something. Absolutely.

Your sister works there. Your sister works there. The longer he stays, the more opportunity he has to do something to her or to your uncle who owns a restaurant. He obviously holds a grudge. And he's clearly a violent person. He's gone to jail for abusing other women. This isn't something where he gets out and goes, you know, I've got to just leave all that irrational violence explosion in my, in my past. That wasn't working for me.

This is somebody who is severely damaged and is hurting other people and getting caught doing it. Right? This isn't like, oh, he got in a bar fight when he was 20 and now he's 35. No, this guy went to jail for beating women. And the fact that he remembers what you said to him and threw it out as a callback to your sister, that is an incredible huge red flag that you need to be cognizant of. Yeah. people who are sorry about this kind of thing, they go, hey, look, I'm so embarrassed by my past conduct.

I don't expect you to believe me, but this is horrible. And he would say to your sister, look, I know you probably know some things about me, some history between me and your sister, and I'm really sorry about that. You know, I don't expect you to believe me, but I've turned over a new leaf. They don't go, watch you back. I'm going to be creepy and scary. That's not. Look, maybe he's just a terrible communicator.

Are you willing to gamble with your life? on that note, I'm certainly not. I think you can tell your uncle about this, but there has to be a strategy behind it. Don't just shoot him a text or roll in or give him a phone call. Hey, by the way, that guy grabbed me by the throat and tried to kill me a couple years ago.

Maybe you should let him go. I think it's good that you're in a right to fire state. I never thought I would say that because that's sort of like employee rights out the window. But I'd say Google him, and if there are records of his crimes, then your uncle can say, look, I googled all my employees, this came up,

we got to let you go. You can't be around the customers. If there are no records in Google, then maybe it's time for your uncle to do a cursory background check on his employees. Now, you might have to consult an attorney on this because I don't know if you can just go ahead and run background checks on your employees without any sort of consent, but printing off legal consent for a background check cannot be that complex. And there are many services that can do background checks for like 20 to 30 bucks per employee. And yeah, that can add up. What if there are 10, 20 employees at the restaurant? Yeah, that could be like $4 to $600, but it's possible.

But he also doesn't have to do it for all the employees. He just has to do it for this guy. Well, it depends. You have to consult your attorney and see if you can simply order a background check on someone you suspect of something. Right. Or if it's going to be like, let me get this straight. You conducted a random background check on one guy, came up with domestic abuse in jail time, fired him and didn't do background checks on everyone else. That's a little negligent.

It's not negligent if she puts in an anonymous complaint about the guy who's serving her or she sees him in the kitchen. Right. Which she can obviously do and say, look, this isn't a complaint about the guy that you have in your kitchen that assaulted me once. In front of several people, obviously there were witnesses to her original assault. So this is not an issue where it's like he said, she said. She was assaulted. She has witnesses from the guys who actually dragged this guy off of her. She can file a quote unquote anonymous complaint to her uncle who can then,

do a background check on this guy and go from there. He doesn't have to do the whole restaurant. As long as it's truly anonymous, because if he sues the employer for termination, which I don't know if you can do that in a right to fire state, and they do discovery, and then they find out, well, the anonymous complaint was actually this note from this woman. That's why I say do it in person, so he can say someone left a note that I don't have anymore with a cashier. That's all I know. Something like that. You know, otherwise it'll get back to you. Look, worst case, even if you have to check the whole restaurant, just pay for it. Ten employees, 20 employees, four to six hundred bucks. That is well worth the peace of mind, in my opinion. And the lawyer probably will tell you that

you could just check the one person. I just want you to cover your butt on this one. And once the background check comes back and his record is on there, your uncle can let him go saying, look, I'm not comfortable having someone with a violent past around customers. My family works here. It's 100% true. It shouldn't come back to you. And it's a reasonable dismissal and termination. And you live in a right to fire state so you can fire without. cause from what it sounds like. And sure, he might suspect you. But honestly, do you want this man working in a building with your uncle? Do you want this man working in a building with your sister? Do you want this man walking your sister back to her car at night? Do you want this man in a

stock room alone with your sister? Do you want this man to have access to your sister's personal belongings while she's at work serving customers? Her phone, her wallet, her keys, her identification with her address in it? What do you want? I mean, I mean, Look, you've got to evaluate all these things. I am legitimately scared for you and especially for her. You have to get your sister away from this guy and you have to get him away from your family. Right now, he's in a situation where, I mean, look, I hate to say it. There's a, did he know that your sister worked there?

I don't know. My paranoia is going through the roof now. I think what happened the way she described it was she came into the restaurant and her sister was there working. And her sister probably said, oh, or they saw each other and they talked. And then that's how they got, that's how we got the information that they were actually related. You know, that's kind of the- But like he clearly remembers her. And then the sister probably has the same last name, right?

Yeah, it seems like a small town type of thing because, you know, I mean, this guy goes from working with her at a different job. And now he's like slinging pizzas or whatever. I don't know. But it just seems like it's a small community. And that's even worse. that means that you have to be doubly careful because he doesn't really have any place to go. And he can be backed into a corner if he does get fired and he doesn't have any place to go. Yeah, this is so weird.

I just, I'm sorry that you didn't file a police report. I get it. I totally understand why victims don't do that. It's more of a pain and it's kind of easier to let it go, especially if nothing's happening and the guy got fired and blah, blah, blah. But wow, this guy's dangerous. Look, yes, I believe in second chances. this guy's done this repeatedly and gone to prison for it. This isn't a guy who got caught robbing a liquor store at age 16 because he needed something.

This is a guy who habitually routinely abuses women and gets away with it and then sometimes doesn't. That is not going to change without serious therapy and rehabilitation. So what's going to happen here? I just, I wouldn't want this person anywhere near anyone I cared about. Oof. Yeah. Scary. I mean, there's so many other options.

can go with just, you know, forcefully getting him out and letting him know that everybody in the restaurant knows and not to come after my family because we know it's going to be you if anything happens to us. But, you know, that's the kind of thing that happens in movies. And in real life, somebody gets killed. So you don't want to go down that route. Yeah. You know what it's funny because you know when you're watching a movie and somebody doesn't say

something and you're going, why are you not saying anything? This is going to blow up in your face. Oh my gosh. you have to tell someone what is wrong with this person. I'm not trying to get down on her because I understand her situation, but I feel like if I were watching a movie and this was happening, I'd be yelling at the screen. Does that make sense?

Yeah, absolutely. You know, where somebody's like, it's like where they don't kill the villain, it's like he's learned his lesson and you're like, no, he's getting up in slow motion as he's walking away. Like, I feel like it's that kind of situation. Yeah, because this guy has not been rehabilitated from his time in jail. He's going to do it again. and you don't want him to do it again to your family.

Yeah. And even if he's not going to do it again, why do you have to lose sleep over this every single day for the rest of your life? Yeah. It's just, this is a situation where if you didn't know this was going, this is the same guy, you wouldn't be worried.

And maybe you should be, but maybe not. Like, frankly, your uncle should be doing background checks on employees. They cost like 20 or 30 bucks. I get that it's a restaurant and maybe there's high turnover, but have them pay for it.

That might not be legal, actually, to make them pay for it. But dang, like, I don't know. Your family works there, you know? Yeah. So it's a tough situation for sure. Yeah. You need to be proactive here, and you need to let them know that this is the guy and not be not pussyfoot around the situation because something bad will happen.

Because I still go back to the fact that he did a callback to what you said to him when he was attacking you. That's the freaky part. That's the part for me that says that this guy is holding a grud. in something bad is going to happen. So get him the F out as soon as you possibly can. My heart is beating really fast right now. I'm like, God, I'm getting the creeps on this one, big time. Told you we were starting heavy.

Yeah. This is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this. Thanks for listening and supporting the show. To learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit Jordan Harbinger.com slash deals. And if you'd be so kind, please drop us a nice rating and review in iTunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family.

If you want some tips on how to do that, head on over to jordanharbinger.com slash subscribe. Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday. All right, what's next? Hello, Jordan, Jason, and Jen. My girlfriend and I love each other dearly, but like all couples, we have our problems. We both understand that crystal clear communication is a vital skill for a successful relationship, and for the most part, we are able to talk in communication. our thoughts and feelings. However, when it comes to deep topics that might spiral into conflict

or challenge our values and beliefs, I find it very difficult to make sense of how I feel about a particular topic or how to express my opinion clearly, leading to confusion and making a simple situation far more difficult than it should ever have been. I've been able to address my feelings well on a personal level. I was a wallflower in social situations and struggled to tell my closest friends and even my family how I was feeling. But I've learned in recent years how to come out of my shell more thanks to my social groups and more recently six-minute networking. How about that? Yeah, nice. The thing I struggle with the most is when I'm asked to explain myself or to provide my side of the conversation. My mind goes blank and I can't even think of any words to say that would

appease her. I don't like to make excuses and I'm not trying to be deceitful. But sometimes I even feel like I'm just saying things she wants to hear, whether I believe my own words or not. And when questioned on what I've said, I can't explain my position well enough, leading to frustration and myself thinking I should just have kept my mouth shut. I want to be as open and honest as possible, but I just can't make sense of my own thoughts at times. And as comfortable as I am with that, she's the type of person who needs straight answers, no ambiguity. Her personality is very strong, and she will voice anything that comes to her head. And oftentimes our conversations are extremely one-sided with her telling me how she thinks things should be and me naturally playing defense,

quiet, and reserved of opinion. Any advice as to how I can be more open about how to express myself and feel more actively would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, tongue-tied. So my first recommendation here is you should probably get therapy together with her about this because it's a communication issue when it comes down to it between you and her. But you've obviously got something else going on. That's kind of all you on this one. and is being triggered by your relationship with her, but that's probably going to happen with anyone that you're with, so you got to get down to the foundation of it. It's hard to articulate your issues.

I get that. Maybe you didn't grow up doing it. Most of us didn't. It can be hard to figure out what you're feeling as a man all the time. And self-awareness doesn't come automatically for most of us, myself included. It's a very manual process of thinking about situations retrospectively and going, oh, that's what happened there. Okay, why did this happen? Well, this might be the reason.

Let's test that theory, that kind of thing. The good news is you already seem quite self-aware, just having written me here, explaining the problem, you're being hard on yourself as you've articulated the issue really clearly to us. Like, we get it. So it leads me to the idea that you maybe need to take time to process things while you're not feeling anxiety around that situation and then maybe write about those situations or those circumstances.

So try that. next time you're in a discussion and she demands your opinion, explain that you're not sure how you feel, you want to be as open and honest as possible, and that you can process things and pick the discussion back up later. This will buy you time, your emotions or your anxiety will subside a little bit, and then I suggest writing down what you're feeling. Because having to write things actually forces us to logically process the thoughts we're having. And this is why journaling is so powerful. It's why people who write books about subjects can explain them so much. more clearly than somebody who simply reads books and watches videos about a subject and studies

it on their own. There's more to that, of course, but that's one reason for it. And once you've written down your best attempt, then use those notes to pick the conversation back up again with your girlfriend. And if nothing comes to your mind at first, try to press through and write as much as possible. If you're still having a hard time, try again in a few hours or try again the next day. Just don't wait too long because you'll lose motivation to do it. But I think, Jason, you mentioned something about anxiety, and I think you might be right.

Yeah, when you're in these situations, see how your body's feeling. Because I bet your shoulders are tight. Your muscles are clenched. And I know this is going to sound a little gross, but I bet your butthole is puckered up inside your belly button. So it's funny because I was going to start writing a joke self-help book called Unpuckered, the way to get through anxiety. But I think in this instance, you can actually just think like, oh, wait, am I clenching? is this anxiety, you will self-actualize the fact that you're very anxious. And when you're anxious, you can't think right.

You are thinking about every scenario that's coming through your head. I think this guy's a fast thinker. And he's literally going through all of these different scenarios in his mind saying, if I say this, what's going to happen? If I say this, what's going to happen? If I say this, what's going to happen. And he gets in that loop and he can't say anything. So you need to take a breath, relax.

And writing things down will let you retroactively understand where you are at. But pay attention to your body language when these conversations are happening and see how you feel in the moment. And that is going to give you some introspection on if this is just you not having the words to articulate your situation or the fact that you are overthinking the situation because you haven't been in this many situations before with your girlfriend. And I think slowing down and just taking stock of that will give you the time to breathe and actually articulate what you want to say. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. So try the writing, try the breathing, try the unpuckering, and let us know how it goes. I think these exercises might help you a lot.

And you might consider a couple's therapy for this so you can learn more communication skills in concert with her for when this happens. And she sounds a lot like me, in fact, and she must be a real pain in the butt. All right, what's next? Hi, guys. My older sister was the best big sister my whole life. We were great friends, and she moved to L.A. seven years ago. She's come home to visit one to three times a year and in more recent years with a new political ideology, entitlement issues, lacking accountability, etc.

She's been a bad house guest resulting in kicking her out three separate times. One time after actually coming to blows. She disregarded my girlfriend being sick during her visit by inviting friends over to party without first asking our permission. She then made me out to be the bad guy to her friends when I told her no and to call it off. When she comes home to visit, I avoid her now. I've turned down invites from my mom for her to have all the kids together in order to avoid my sister and her rapacious leftism. Mind you, the last time her and I communicated, she shamed me for not having a woman is my top hero. I don't like making my mom feel like she needs to be in the middle of sibling issues. Do I accept my mother's invites and keep from talking to my sister during these family events, or do I continue avoiding her like the plague?

sincerely younger sister gone estranged and astray dang yeah this is bizarre in a way that's kind of not the la thing is really what strikes a chord here you've been to l a yeah but i didn't come out like that i don't think you were there for seven years she's been here for seven years la changes people big time yeah i mean this is i would say the the short answer is get together with mom this is part of caretaking for your mom you can roll your your eyes all you want at your sister you can hold off on that for your mom's sake your sister sounds super annoying but yeah don't don't make your mom suffer as a result of this because you're you've got to dig in your heels then you're just part of the problem you know it's it's you don't want to ruin a

holiday because angela sucks right but it does sound worse than entitlement it sounds like narcissism or a little bit of drug abuse because look i get la change people but so maybe you're entitled maybe you're a lefty but do you punch your you're slapping your sister and getting kicked out of her house three times. That's just extra weird. Yeah, I mean, I think this person is definitely right wing because the way that it was stated in the actual question, her rapacious leftism, she called out, which means I think that she is very annoyed at her rapacious leftism. And L.A. is definitely a lefty city, and she's going to come out of here living with people here with leftist views. You still don't get enough fighting and get kicked out of your sister's house. Like, that's where I'm

that's what's weird it i don't know man i've known so many people that have been here for so long and they went back to their home because what it does is it brings out those latent feelings that they've always had it's like this person was probably a liberal her entire life she went to l a a lot of people that are just feeding her that it's okay to be that way and not listen to anybody else's views so she goes home and she turns into a total asshole thinking that she's right all the time i'm not saying that her sister is right in any of this. I'm just saying that I think the LA quotient is part of it because I've seen it time and time again living here for 25 years. And it's one of those things where, yes, she needs to sit with her mom and say, look, she's going to come back. She's going to talk about

this stuff. We want to be a family, but we just need to have a plan. You know, you have to have the LA plan for this jerk sister. And I think you can make, you can still make it work. And if you sit down with the sister and say, look, we don't believe the things you believe. And we want you to be part of the family. But if you just come in and preach at us, nobody's going to listen to you. And you're just going to make enemies. And that's not how families work. So, I mean, that's just my two sense about it. There needs to be a middle ground found. There's something weird, though, because the sister invited our friends over to party when somebody was sick and then got in a fight. I don't know. I just think LA's toxic, but I've lived in a freaking Hollywood for five years.

I'm weird, but I'm a pretty good house guest, and I'm only insufferable on occasion. This sounds a little different. I live there, like I said, 25 years off and on. So I've been in Hollywood a lot longer than you, and I've seen it come and go. And some people embrace it more than others. You know, they're just like, I found my peoples, and they just become these weird-ass people who just think that they're right all the time. And they think that they're like movie stars and everybody should listen to them.

They get this sense of entitlement. and they think that everybody else is just beneath them. And this is a problem with her sister. Yeah, it's possible. It depends what scene she's in. If she's in that whole like Instagram influencer, actress singer model but works at Equinox type scene, there's nothing wrong with that.

I mean, but it can do a lot of damage to your psyche because you're constantly comparing yourself to other people and it's a losing battle as you get older. So I also wonder if something maybe happened because it almost sounds like this is a response. to trauma. Yeah, yeah, it kind of does. Well, L.A. can be traumatic. Well, I mean, you can get assaulted. You can get, you can run into depression and not have anyone to turn to. You can start using drugs and self-medicating. Like, there's all kinds of weird stuff that people do in that

scene. Absolutely. In any scene in cities, especially. Like, the whole Hollywood area is full of, like, guys and girls that are trying to do something, not doing well at it, medicating with things like cocaine. It's just weird. And also, especially cocaine, super prevalent in L.A. Anne makes you mean. And I can see somebody who's high on blow being annoying as hell and getting in fights and getting kicked out of the house. I can certainly see that happen. From personal experience, maybe? I mean, I'm just saying it's not too far-fetched. It's not too far-fetched, no. So I don't know. See if your sister's using something or if something happened. Or ask her if she was taking advantage of while she was here because L.A. is

like the hornets nest for people who are willing to take advantage of people like her who came to L.A. to, you know, get in the scene. So she may have been traumatized. I mean, this is like, there are people waiting for the girls getting off the bus at the Greyhound Station. It's a joke. Everybody talks about it in like the quote unquote porn industry, but it is absolutely 1,000% true. Yeah, it is kind of creepy that it is true. There are those sort of dudes that lurk around bars and clubs that are like, hey, you just moved here from Minnesota? Cool. Yeah, I do some production stuff. And then they just kind of keep in touch with you until you're about to lose your shit and then invite you to do something and then dot, dot, dot, porn. Predators. We have more predators here than probably

any other city in the country. For sure. I watched a documentary. What was that called, Jason? You probably saw this too. It was popular. It was something like Hot Girls Wanted. That's what it was called. Hot Girls Wanted. Did you see that? I have, yeah. I watched it. for the first five minutes and I had to stop it because I'm like, I know these people. I've been around these people and I can't watch this because this is 100% true and I'm going to get very depressed when I watch this. Oh, dude, you live in the valley. Your neighbors might be doing this stuff.

So basically in Hot Girls Wanted, it was like this guy who was a dishwasher basically and worked at a restaurant. He decided, screw this, I'm a loser and he got, he rented a house somehow in the valley. And he put all these ads on Craigslist that are like, Hey, modeling, Los Angeles. And he put them in all of these sort of like meth market type cities, like small towns across California, Nevada, elsewhere. And women answer the ads. And they're like, I'm interested.

And then he basically lures them, says, live in my house for the beginning to you get your own place. We do some of the production nearby. And then they get there. And it's like, so you're going to be making porn in the house. and then he sells it to like these porn websites and it's him and eight girls. And they interview the girls and they're just, it's not a good situation. They can't go home. They don't have enough money.

They live there. He's kind of just pimping him out. And he goes through new women every month because they burn out, get upset, go home. And the ones that have been there, like the longest anyone had been there was a few months. And that was kind of like the house mom. And he was just filming porn and selling it and paying the bills and giving the bills and giving them in allowance essentially. I mean, it was basically prostitution.

It was pretty horrifying. Yeah, and that's why I didn't watch it because I know people that have done that, and I know the girls. I know a lot of the girls that have come through that, and it's a horrible situation. You know, some girls get out, some girls don't, and some girls become stars. A few girls become stars,

but then they burn out and go check out the Life After Porn series when you want to see what happens after that. But I'm just saying that there are a lot of predators out here. I'm not saying her sister got into porn, but she may have. But you need to find out if there's some trauma going on with what happened to her while she was out here to kind of change her so dramatically. Yeah, I would look into that. I don't know how we get off on that tangent. Anyway, what's next to the mailbag?

Hey, Jordan, can you give me some tips on being less stubborn? How do I try to be more understanding? And if so, how? Stuck in the stubborn rut. I don't know if this question is for you because you're the most stubborn person I know. I know, I know, and there's no context, so it's really hard to answer. I understand you don't want to be too hard, yet you don't want to be too soft, and stubbornness comes down to being confident in your own abilities and knowledge, but you also need to be able to recognize when you're wrong and acknowledge someone who may know better. And often stubbornness is a response to being walked down and abused, so ask yourself if that's happened to you. If so, you need to address the root causes before you'll really be able to stop your stubbornness habit. And sometimes we're stubborn because we feel powerless elsewhere. Teenagers do this with their parents because they're asserting their independence.

I have no context here from your question because it's like one line. But stubbornness happens in relationships. It usually isn't a universal trait that someone has in all of their relationships. And there are some people who have a wholly self-centered point of view. And they simply don't view the people around them as being capable or able to perform at any standards that they desire. So they look at an action or the choices of the other person and decide that they can do it better themselves. They think they're perfect, they think they're infallible, and it's kind of like, why bother trying to work with or understand another person's point of view when they're not going to get it right anyway? That's some people's view.

And this extreme of stubbornness may point to some personality issues in the person like narcissism, but this is actually not most stubborn people. And it's probably not you if you're writing in and asking how to fix it. Narcissists very rarely give a crap about how to fix the problem because they don't see a problem in the first place. Yeah, they generally don't ask for help. Yeah, they don't. And unless their whole life is falling apart, and then I feel like we would have more context. And then it would be, why are people so bad to me, you know, or something like that? Yeah.

Not how am I responsible for this? And then you've got people who simply need to feel like they're in control. And that can point to a number of different problems such as mistrust, insecurity, generalized anxiety. And the lack of control can feel upsetting because it ties to a mental process that you're subconsciously trying to eliminate by exerting control over a situation. or over your surroundings. And again, this all goes back to the cause of your stubbornness. You have to figure those causes out and tackle those with a therapist ideally. If it's anxiety, if it's a relationship issue, any therapy you undergo should focus on that.

Stubbornness is a symptom of something else. It is not a cause of the other problems. And that's the key that you have to remember. We'll be right back with more feedback Friday right after this. Thanks for listening and supporting the show. support of our advertisers keeps us on the air and keeps us going. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com slash deals. Now back to the show for the conclusion of your questions here on Feedback Friday. All right, what's next? Hi, Jordan. I have a friend

that I've known for a couple of years. Some of the positive characteristics about her is that she's friendly, outgoing, and can talk to anyone. But there are many times when she is too talkative, often to the point where she dominates the conversations and turns to the topic to be just about her. This becomes particularly problematic when we are within a group of people. A few things that make this situation difficult is that my friend doesn't have the self-awareness to notice that other friends have lost interest in what she has to say, and when other friends try to be honest with her, she becomes very sensitive and defensive. I wish the conversations weren't so one-sided, and I find myself feeling drained in wanting to cut the meeting short for not to

meet with her at all. How do you propose dealing with a friend that dominates conversations, lacks self-awareness, and is overly sensitive? Thank you. Signed, not all about you. It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart, but also it's time for some tough love here. I think if people have tried to tell her this, but she gets defensive and sensitive, then you're probably striking a nerve, which means she probably knows that you're right about this. So she's getting value from the attention, I think. There's something in her past that's making her crave attention, and it's not your job to provide that attention. So she's getting value from attention. Something in her past is making her crave the attention, but it's not your job

to provide that attention. It's not anyone else's job, honestly. And if she's not open to feedback on this, then you've done all you can do, and you should just find a new friend. I know that sounds cold but if someone is friendly and outgoing but insufferable and annoying then they're not somebody that you need in your life friendly and outgoing is table stakes for some people right it i guess you don't have to be friendly or outgoing but that's it's not exactly like this person saved my life and donated a kidney it's like they're nice so what especially if they're not interested in fixing the problem and it's a real problem life is too short to deal with people like this so i'd say give it one more go. Don't bring it up in the moment when she's doing it. You know, you sit through

that one. Bring it up when you're meeting and you're having a good time or another conversation that's private. Don't gang up on her with somebody else or anything. Don't be there with five friends at a birthday party. Be like, by the way, Angela, everyone hates you. Don't do that. I bet, I bet this person's a latchkey kid. And from like a single parent family or a single child from a single parent family that was on their own a lot and didn't have anybody to talk to. Oh, interesting. Most of the people I know that that go to this behavior because I used to be one of them. That was their background. Lachkey kids didn't have anybody to talk about parents who were separated and didn't really have any kind of support structure and nobody paid attention to them when they were kids. Oh yeah. That

totally makes sense. Because I sort of went through this in college. Like I have a feeling if you talk to people that knew me in college, they'll be like, oh, God, that fucking guy. Because I think I did a lot of that. Like, oh, I want everyone to like me. Let me talk about how great I am. Because I was insecure about it because I was an only child. I spent a lot of time alone. Exactly. And I was like, oh, the best way to handle this is to make sure everyone knows that I'm cool. It's like, no, that's not how this works.

Yeah, because you're worried that nobody's going to care about you and everybody's going to leave because your parents were too busy to deal with you when you were a kid. I see this over and over again with people that were like us, you know. You and I both come from the same type of background. You had both parents, but your dad was always working at Ford. Your mom was a teacher and dealing with your kids. and you had time to yourself to think about things like this. So I can see where this would come up with a person like this.

And just me personally, like when people would bring that up to me, I would get introspective about it and try and fix it ongoing. I would take their advice and try and ask questions about the other people, get to know them more. And over time, that kind of clicks and it really starts to take hold. And then you stop thinking about that everything's all about you. I've had that. And I've also, I've had friends.

I mean, you, Jason, you and I both know someone at the old company. He'll talk right over you like you're not even there. Oh, yeah. And that's some narcissistic stuff. Like at first I was like, wow, he's really rude and he's interrupting. But then I realized he's so not listening that he, it's like you're talking. It's like you're not even there. He'll just start talking.

He doesn't even do. And I figured it out because I realized he's not even interrupting. He just starts talking. And you're like, what? What? He's waiting for a break in the noise so he can make some. That's kind of it. Because nothing that anybody else had to say was important at all.

And I was just like, wow. And that comes from, you know, he had a really crap childhood and just, you know, absent mom had abandoned him and stuff. So it was like he just, everything was always about him. And that was, that got old. I put up with that for way too effing long. I'll tell you that. I'm going to tell you, one of the tips that I got was if you can't repeat the last

sentence that somebody said to you, you're not listening. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that was one of the tips that a friend gave me who was a really good listener. And he's like, you need to be able to repeat back what they just said to you. Otherwise, you are not listening well enough. And then you're not part of the conversation. You are just to quote fight club waiting for your turn to speak. Yeah.

Yeah, look, don't get up on her. Remember, if she starts getting defensive, stop her, tell her, look, wait, let me finish here. I'm telling you this because I care about you and I want to stay friends with you. like serious talk right and then you say you're telling you for your own good because i know other people feel the same way and we all care about you which is why we're bringing it up i wouldn't bring it up if we didn't care about you and if she listens great and if not then she doesn't care to change and you're never going to get past this problem at least not right now you're not going to get past this problem which means you should not have to put up with it i'd say just move on with your life in that

case. Definitely. If she's not willing to change, then move on. There's a lot of people out there. Exactly. So I actually reached out to national car rental to sponsor the show because we use their cars all the time and I'm a huge fan of their Emerald Club because of the benefits of that. And they were kind enough to actually sponsor a question on Feedback Friday, which is kind of unique and cool the way that it worked out. So all thoughts and opinions are, of course, my own as always. And it matches this question perfectly, Jason. Since I often have to travel for work, how do I negotiate with my boss on staying a few extra days for vacation? Okay, so first of all, pleasure is a term that I just learned. Have you heard of this? Or maybe it's bleasier.

That's actually a real term? Yeah. So it's business, I guess it's bleisure. I would go with leisure. Yeah, yeah. Although pleasure also makes sense now that I think about it. But bleasier rolls off the tongue. Bleasier travelers report significantly higher levels of satisfaction with their quality of life overall compared to non-bleisure travelers, so 93% versus 75% of the numbers there, and their work-life balance as well. So 87% versus 64%. So if you take bleasier trips, you're happier with your work-life balance and with your life overall. And what I thought was interesting was 46% of bleasure travelers think telling their boss about taking time for fun or personal activities while traveling is no go and should not do that, which I thought was

kind of silly. Last and perhaps most counterintuitive is that a majority of bleasier travelers, so 62% also report that they felt more focused while on business trips. I think is interesting and probably something you can use to tell your boss, hey, look, I've read this data,

I'm going to get more done, I always get more done on these trips. So there's some tips for negotiating this time on vacation and sort of appending or pre-pending it to a business trip. And the first tip is don't hide the ball. It's completely reasonable to ask your boss to allow you

to append or prepend PTO or vacation days after a business trip before a business trip. Don't try to finagle it. Don't try to be to try to like get some sort of like, oh, well, this is happening. And I don't know if I can make the flight. Like just be straightforward. Saying you're in Orlando so you want to hit Disney World instead of coming back on Friday during the afternoon is not ridiculous. Even if your boss says no, at least you tried.

Look, you'll have to pay for lodging and food, of course. But your company's already paying for the flight. and you'll find that even if the return flight is more expensive because it's on a different day or at a different time. Companies, especially bigger ones, they're not going to care. They likely won't even notice in the first place. Certainly your boss is not going to notice, and even if she did, probably wouldn't care.

They're not probably booking your travel when it comes to bigger companies. So don't hide the ball. Second, if you're low on vacation days, ask if you can work remotely from the location, especially if the trip is near or adjacent to a weekend. Sure, if it's supposed to come home Friday, and yes, to come home Sunday instead, you should be good no matter what. But what happens if the trip has you coming back on Friday or Thursday?

See if you can stick around, work remotely, because you're still going to lose a day if you're flying back on a day. See if you can work remotely and then fly back on the weekend. They should jump at the chance to do that because then you're actually working more. And then you're doing your vacationing over the weekend. And of course, you know, you clock out a little early on that day if you can. Companies often recognize that a travel day is exhausting. And it'll be just as glad to have you telecommute.

or work from a hotel that day versus sitting on a plane. And they actually get more productivity out of you if you're working versus half sleeping on a plane while watching impractical joker's reruns or something. And three, if you're always chronically low on vacation days like a lot of people are, take a page out of last week's Feedback Friday episode or the week before. I can't remember now. See if you can actually negotiate more vacation days in the coming year. Most of us negotiate for more salary or for more cash.

but for the company, cash and time off can sometimes be interchangeable. So for many of us, more time off is worth much more than the extra cash, and we'll raise our work-life satisfaction significantly more than the extra of three or five grand or whatever. Not everyone can do this, but if you find yourself burning out in a career that you otherwise love, I highly recommend trying to negotiate more time off instead of just a raise. So you can learn more about the survey where I got those statistics on my LinkedIn profile, which will link in the show notes, LinkedIn.com slash Jordan Harbinger.

I highly recommend also signing up for Nationals Emerald Club. You can do that at nationalcar.com. We use the app. I love going to the airport, not having to wait in line. You don't have to take the shuttle. You just grab a car and leave the garage. You basically just sort of check in with your app. And it's much faster than going through the whole rigamarole.

And if you rent enough cars, they'll park one for you right next to the airport terminal. So you don't have to take the stinky shuttle bus and everything. You basically just walk to the lot where people go. go to pick people up and your car is sitting there. It's awesome. That's nice. That is so nice. It's really awesome.

And then if you have high enough status, they'll drop you at the airport and then take the rental car back. Oh, God. Okay. Nationalcar.com. I'm in. Yeah, it's awesome. I found this because I thought like, oh, car rental, like, man, I don't care.

And we were using it. And I was like, this company is awesome. Because if you go and you wait in line, you get to take the shuttle, you're sitting there for like 40 minutes because it's not fast. But if you can just show up and jump in a car and go, you save like an hour every time. At least, at least an hour. And then, of course, they don't have the car you want because you're number 20 after getting off the plane. I wanted an economy car.

Why do I have an escalade? Yeah. Happens all the time. That's if you're lucky. Usually you wanted an escalate and they have a Ugo or something. And they're like, what the hell? Ugo. Old school callback.

Yeah, yeah. Well, with National, what I liked is at a certain level of, status, they auto upgrade you, so you rent like an economy and you get bumped up to a sedan or you get a regular sedan and they bump you up to like deluxe SUV. Nice. So you just, yeah, you don't pay more. You end up renting a crazy, huge-ass car that fits all your gear for like, you know, 80 bucks.

It's really awesome. That's why I chase these guys as a sponsor. I think they're the best of this. All right. Next up. Hey, Jordan and team. I'm in my early 30s in a real estate broker. I bring home amazing money.

Get asked to speak on stages all across the country. have won tons of industry awards and I'm miserable most days. The problem is I have an expensive lifestyle and a large family to support. So taking time off to find myself isn't exactly a walk in the park. My goal is to find meaning in my work or find work that has meaning. Any advice would be appreciated. Signed, 24-carat problems. Yikes, but I get you.

You got the golden handcuffs, son. So people try to compensate by trying to buy happiness, right? You get a high paid job, but you're miserable, so you get a house, a vacation house. And then you got to pay that off, so you stay in the job longer than you want. And then it's, well, I got to get a boat, keep up with the Joneses, feel good, make the wife feel good, whatever. And then you get that, and then a couple years later, you go, I'd love to leave, but I've got two houses in a boat. So you ain't going no place, right? You don't need time off to find yourself.

This is a myth. people travel, they go somewhere to find themselves in a place where they can't even read the frickin' menu. Been there, done that. Does not work. Find purpose and meaning outside of work. This actually reminds me of that FBI agent. We helped a few months back, Jason.

Yeah. It was like, I got 10 more years to go and I hate it and I'm not going to move up. What do I do? That my work is devoid of meaning. And we said, look, volunteer or work with a nonprofit. You've obviously got some great sales skills. So maybe try raising money for the nonprofit or try. training people to raise money for the nonprofit and get your hands dirty.

That can be very rewarding. If you're working with the nonprofit helping kids learn to read or something like that, volunteer to teach some of the classes yourself. And look, I get it, man. You're super busy. Yes. Whenever you're at this level of success, though, you have more flexibility than you think. You're making great cash.

Hire a personal assistant or hire an executive assistant to do some of the heavy lifting. You're traveling too much. raise your fees, turn down the less desirable gigs, you're probably going to have a little fomo, so what? You've got to prioritize. If you're working too much, hire someone to work under you or do less work. There's probably a lot of stuff you can outsource or that doesn't even need to be done in the first place. I will wager to say you don't need all of the money that you are earning. I bet you you you don't. You think you do because you're spending a lot to attain a lifestyle that's not making you happy that you're trying to achieve because you're not happy. Right? So that's a

vicious cycle, that golden handcuffs. That said, I think you can keep your income where you want it and lighten your load at the same time by learning how to say no and learning how to delegate better. And both of these are challenges that business owners and entrepreneurs face all the time. One of the biggest traps, especially if you own your own business, is thinking that you have to do everything yourself. People are afraid to hire somebody to go do grocery shopping or run errands because they're like, oh, but I can do it. You can, but how bad do you want two extra hours a day? Oh, well, I don't want to, I can do my own invoicing or my own taxes or my own, you can, but what if you just didn't have to do that again and somebody else spent four hours a week handling that? And it cost you $100.

Yep. You know, you can really raise your lifestyle by spending on what's right and hiring someone to help you part time. It's a huge, huge deal. This is one of those levers that most people don't know exists because they're like, well, my company's not going to pay for that. Who cares? Hire someone yourself, if you're allowed to, of course. or when they're like, hey, you're doing really great, be like, you know how I do even greater? I need a part-time assistant.

You'd be surprised how many bosses will be like, hey, if this is going to help you get 1% more productive this year, sure, hire whoever you want, part-time. Here's your budget. I know if people in my office tell me they need help with something, it's like, where do we sign to make you more productive, right? It's an easy lever to push. Except for you, Jason. We'll talk about that off the air then.

If that's the case. Except for you. It's funny. I know so many people that have done this same thing and have burnt out when they just could have just pulled those other levers and got people to do things for them. And I'm going through this right now with my business. I, you know, fired my bookkeeper. I'm like, I can just do bookkeeping myself. That's easy. Well, three weeks of not sleeping right going, did I put that in the right column? Did I put that in the right column? I'm like, screw it. And yesterday I called my old bookkeeper and I'm just like, will you please, pretty please come back and help me because I don't want to think about this stuff. I like, I like sleeping at night. And I think that. 24-karrot problems can actually take that stuff off his plate, have the time to actually, you know, sit down and think about what he wants to do. I think you're right. I definitely think outsourcing the mundane is really what's going to help him get that space where he can then think to figure out what he wants to do with, you know, the next phase of his life. Agree? I think you're,

I think that's good advice. All right. Last but not least. Hello, Jordan, Jason, and Jen. I'm struggling on how to tell my family that I'm no longer religious. I grew up in a very religious is home with church several times a week. I've been in doubt about my religion ever since I was a freshman in high school, but lived the same religious lifestyle and even led a small Bible study group and worked at my church throughout high school in order to avoid the awkward conversation. The fact that I'm no longer a believer will become obvious to my family as I'll be moving in with my girlfriend of more than two years soon, and my wedding won't be in a church. It will be administered by my gay uncle. I feel like I owe it to them to explain that I simply don't believe

anymore. Is it better not to tell them? I usually only see my family on holidays, so would it be appropriate to bring it up then? Or is a phone call better as to avoid the conversation on a holiday? Thank you for all the help and advice and congratulations on the success of the new show, signed the avoidant atheist. I would say you should tell them. Yep. And is it appropriate to bring it up on a holiday? Yeah, it is. If you only see your family in holidays, don't do it on a phone call. Do it in person. this is a big deal. They're going to try to talk you out of it, probably. That's fine.

You've already made up your mind. You don't have to get defensive about it. You can just tell them this isn't a spur of the moment decision, et cetera. You will regret doing this wrong if you do it wrong. And if they don't understand and they're like, oh, my gosh, your uncle is gay and he's going to hell and we're not going to the wedding. That's their choice. But what you don't want to do is say, hey, I didn't invite anybody because I thought you might get upset. You think they're going to be less upset if you don't even invite them to the wedding?

You know, like if they want to boycott it or be unreasonable, let them decide to do that now and then get over it in time for the wedding. That's my advice. I would get this out of the way. Yeah, get it out of the way. And most of the time, I mean, I'm a devout atheist myself. I've told my family we grew up in a very religious home. And most of them did not care. And a lot of them just grabbed me around the side and said, yeah, I don't know.

believe either. So it's about community for them. That's all they really care about was is the community. So it's not as big a deal as I think you think it is. But I mean, it depends on your religion. It depends on how embedded they are in the church. But for the most part, when I came out, as it were, nobody really batted an eyelash. That makes sense. Yeah, they might already know and they just haven't said anything. Life Pro Tip of the week. Make a great impression at any new job by documenting the whole training process in detail. One, it's good for you because it forces you to remember the training and write everything down. You can always refer to it later, but you'll also understand it better having documented it. It's often really, really valuable to startups and smaller

companies that don't have in-depth training documentation. And whenever I started new jobs back in the day and here's how I would do this now actually but forget what I did 10 friggin years ago or more the way that I do this now start detailed notes in a Google doc make it really organized make it pretty put a table of contents in there and then once you're trained up have a meeting with your manager or it could come up naturally I suppose mention that you documented your training and that you'd be happy to share all of the notes then they can polish it up to make their new training program and all the credit will theoretically go to you for that. Even something as simple as a doc, like, where do I get the password for the new accounts,

or here's how you use these equipment at work, or here's how you log in to these email things that often have a little bit of a tricky situation. Any sort of tip or trick that you learn from other employees that's safe to put in there should also go in there. I think that could be really helpful. And look, if it's a larger established company and they have a really detailed process and you get this binder on your desk or whatever, you can, create a tip and trick or tip and hints document that goes above and beyond the training that they

provide and that might also be really valuable because you'll probably learn something extra that's not documented or there might be changes in that manual that haven't been documented yet you can create workarounds for that and people will love you for that that's a really good way to make a great great first impression on the bosses and the other staff for that matter and everyone that comes after you they'll look up to you and look to you for that that's a great way to establish yourself in a company in a way that's not invasive and steps on nobody it doesn't step on anybody's toes recommendation of the week i watched Saudi Arabia uncovered and it's kind of hidden first of all i didn't know you couldn't go there as a tourist at all apparently say what you can't go there as a

tourist i didn't even know that i had no idea and so they also don't allow filming in public so if you go there and you film you're not allowed to do that unless you have a certain kind of visa in a permit to do so, which is, I mean, even North Korea lets you film stuff, not everything, certainly, but they let you in as a tourist and you can film. Great, correct. Yeah. And so there's a lot of hidden camera footage of journalists going in and filming secretly. People, this camera crew from the UK, I think, they posed as a technology business and they

went there for a conference and they drove around and they were filming kind of secretly using hidden cameras and they caught like executions and public floggings and all this stuff and they shine a light on some of the dissidents in Saudi Arabia that are in prison for things like blogging women's rights activists in Saudi Arabia found this really interesting and eye opening and I feel bad because I know we have listeners from Saudi Arabia that are really patriotic but geez there's a that was a side of that country that I just had never seen before and I thought that was kind of interesting and I'm curious because I talked to female I've, a female friend who's from Saudi Arabia. She gets so mad when I say things like women aren't

allowed to drive. She's like, that's not even true. And she'll go off on me. But then everything I read and everything I see is like, yeah, women can't drive and women have gone to prison for driving and women have been beaten for driving. And it's like, well, what's true here? I just don't know. So I thought this was an interesting documentary for me. It's on Netflix, Saudi Arabia uncovered. I'm going to have to check this one out because I have never been a fan of Saudi Arabia. I mean, they still have public beheadings. Yeah, I know. And which is just disgusting. And, yeah, they did let women start to drive.

Women can get their driver's licenses now. But that doesn't mean that there's still bias inherent in the system. And, you know, they're going to get pulled over more and they're going to get harassed more. But it's just, it's a place that, yes, we do have listeners there, but it's a place I just never, ever want to go. I'm putting that on my list with Pakistan. You know, Pakistan, I'm not going there. You'll never see me in Saudi Arabia because the public beheading thing really gets me. I just don't, I cannot get behind that.

I don't care what somebody did. It's ridiculous. And the fact that it fills stadiums worth of thousands of people to come out and watch that. That's just so disgusting in my book. Yeah. Look, I would love to go to Saudi. I would love to go to Pakistan. I'm just a little nervous to do so.

You think? Yeah. Crazy white boy from Michigan showing up in the Middle East. Oh, what could go wrong? Yeah. I mean, it could be really fun if you go with the right people. Like if I went with a company that had a fixer that was going around, with us everywhere or like diplomatic something something i think it'd be fine it'd be great but in a private

army yeah i just don't know hope you all enjoy that i want to thank everyone that wrote in this week don't forget you can email us friday at jordan harbinger dot com to get your questions answered on the air we'll always keep you anonymous and have some live events coming up at some point soon we're doing a lot of corporate training right now we're training executive protection specialists for a silicon valley and tech companies and foreign governments so that's been pretty cool we've been working and doing some private training for them. And, man, that's a fascinating industry. A link to the show notes for this episode

can be found at jordanharbinger.com. Quick shout out to Cameron. He is Mike Posner's aide de camp. It was a pleasure meeting you. Thanks for all the guest suggestions as well. Thanks for being a fan of the show. And go back and check out Humble the Poet and Guy Kawasaki and the article on how to talk about yourself

without sounding like an a-hole if you haven't checked that out this week. And if you want to know how we managed to book all these great guests, well, I've got a great network. I manage my relationships using systems. I've got tiny habits. It's about daily consistency.

Check out our six-minute networking course, which is free. That's at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. The course replaces the old level one course. It has a bunch of upgraded drills and tech and systems in there. I no longer do level one. I no longer have anything to do with advanced human dynamics because I'm doing a lot of this other training now. And the problem with kicking this down the road,

I know you think I'm going to do that six-minute networking thing later. You can't make up for lost time. when it comes to relationships and networking. The number one mistake people make is not digging the well before you're thirsty. So go and grab those. The drills take a few minutes per day, hence the name, and it's the type of habit you really ignore

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Jason? My personal website is at jpd.com. I got a bunch of stuff coming up and a bunch of gear reviews on our podcasting side of things. And you can check out my tech podcast, grumpy old geeks, where we talk about the underbelly of the internet and how things have gone wrong over at gog. Dot show or your podcast player of choice. The show is produced in association with podcast one, and this episode was co-produced by Jen Harbinger.

Show notes for the episode are by Robert Fogarty. Keep sending in those questions to Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. Remember, we rise by lifting others, so share the show with those you love and even those you don't. Got a lot more in the pipeline, very excited to bring it to you. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time. This episode is sponsored in part by Something You Should Know podcast. Finding a new great podcast shouldn't be this hard, so let me save you some time.

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