The Jordan Harbinger Show - 216: Chelsea Handler | Life Will Be the Death of Me

Episode Date: June 25, 2019

Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) is a writer, comedian, producer, TV host, activist, and the author of five consecutive New York Times bestsellers -- her latest is Life Will Be the Death of Me...And You Too! What We Discuss with Chelsea Handler: Finding the line between mood enhancement and paranoia-generating abuse when it comes to cannabis. How a DUI at age 21 led to Chelsea's entry into the world of standup comedy, and what she was really trying to get from her search for attention. As someone who's never been afraid to quit a job she's grown tired of doing, what really matters to Chelsea? What's the difference between authentic generosity and generosity that just feeds the giver's ego? Why is Chelsea writing books, doing standup comedy, and working on television projects when she was sure she'd burned out on doing all of these things not long ago? And much more... Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://jordanharbinger.com/216 Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! By listening to the Dexter Guff Is Smarter Than You podcast, you have made the decision to change your life by listening to an under-qualified, over-confident lifestyle entrepreneur. Celebrate self-proclaimed thought leadership here! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to the show. I'm Jordan Harbinger. As always, I'm here with producer Jason DeFilippo. Chelsea Handler, lover or hater, is a force in the comedy and television industry. She's been highly successful from her 20s onward through today and is a consistent hitmaker when it comes to her books, late night talk shows, and live comedy. Today, I enjoy a very rare chance to sit down with someone who also interviews others for a living and discuss her very unorthodox entry into comedy, which almost ended up with her going to jail. We'll also discuss chasing fame, money, and at the end of that dirty rainbow,

just trying to fix our childhoods by getting love from strangers on the internet or the other end of a cable TV talk show. I was really impressed by her candor and energy during this interview and came away from this wondering if I would ever have the ability to be as open as she was in front of so many. And I really liked it

because she's one of the only other people that I know that talks naturally at 2X or at least 1.5, like myself. Six-minute networking is our networking course. If you want to learn how we've managed to get great guests like this on the show, if you want to get people that you want in your social circle or your professional circle, go to Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. That's, of course, free. That's how we roll.

By the way, most of the guests on the show actually subscribe to the course and the newsletter. So come join us, and you'll be in good company. In the meantime, enjoy this episode with Chelsea Handler. I know that you microdose weed. You're the only other person I met besides myself that does that. So I'm wondering, like, what products you use? I use those kiva blueberries. I think I have those on right now.

I like the Cheba Shoes. I'm coming out with my own weed line, so I've had to do a lot of research on weed. You know what I mean? I've had to figure out, like, because I want women to be empowered and emboldened to use the cannabis space in the way that men feel that about. You guys can't have everything. Yeah. So mine is really geared towards women in reintroducing people who've had a bad experience with an edible

or smoking weed, that it's a different. game now and that there's an educative component that's been missing for so long and it's a game changer. I mean, it has changed my life in so many ways and I've seen it change so many people so I am on the cannabis train. Yeah, I think it's amazing.

I sort of just started in my late 30s, which is probably a weird time to start. Me too, actually. I mean, I smoked it in high school, but you know, that wasn't real and that was like just to pretend to be interested in something, you know, to be cool or whatever. But it may be

paranoid a lot. That was the problem I had. That's the problem I still have. That's why I'm a microdose because people go, oh man, try this. And I'm like, if I take a half a breath too much of that, my day is over. Yeah. Yeah. It's so, it's now you can really modify your day. Like, I have, for me, it opened up so many doorways because it helped me to sit still. Like, I was never able to do that. I was always running around like 80 things at a time, you know, on my phone, doing like multitasking, acting like a moron, basically. You think you're getting a lot done and you're actually getting very little done. Yeah, you're just finding new things to distract yourself with.

Yeah, that's exactly my, that's exactly my problem with it. And so, yeah, I've basically like a mint that's 2.5 milligrams and then like one more that's one with like some CBD in there. Yes. And then don't go, oh, it's not working. Let me take more. It's like I have to. Yes. You've got to let it sink in.

And also, you're in charge of your mood. So when you take something like that, it's a mood lifter. It's like an enhancer. You know, it makes, for me, it's like it makes everything a little bit more sparkly. Yeah. It makes everybody a little bit less annoying. And these are all things we want to all be able to engage with. I agree.

I saw you on your Netflix show doing the dinner where everything's infused. That I can't do because that's after the mushroom salad or whatever. I'm just like, I need to go to bed and not think about all of the bad things I've done for the last 17 years because that's what's coming into my head now. Oh, I see. Yeah. That's, we all have that stuff. Well, I have plenty of things to be ashamed of. Well, we all do.

Yeah. But you can't beat your soul. up about the things that you've done. You can only beat yourself up about the things you're going to do, you know, and do the right thing. So we all have passed. We've all made those kinds of mistakes, but, you know, like, for instance, you know, like that's too much weed. You know, cannabis dinner with everything infused is too much. I was high for three days after that. I mean, I don't know if I was ever right after that, quite frankly. I mean, and so, and that's not what you want to do to people. I don't want to dose people. And I want people to know, like, people think,

oh, it's that. Like, I have to be so scared. I've introduced so many people to cannabis, you know, people's parents, people, people's kids, my niece who has anxiety. Okay. Like, it's helped her. Oh, yeah. And so like, you know, people's kids with seizures, I'm saying, you know, not giving it out to children is not what I meant. But it's just, it's a real game changer. And it's having such an impact. And it's such a love drug. Like, it's so much better. It's growing out of the ground. We have. have this thing that Mother Earth gave us that we criminalized and said, oh, this is illegal. How could something that grows out of the ground be illegal? You know, why? Yeah. Well, when I did security

at clubs when I was younger, I was like the guy in charge of searching people because I'm, you know, I can tell by your body. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm not that. I'm a management type. I'm more management material. The guys were always like, oh, these guys are high. Should we let them in? My boss was like, yeah. Yeah, that's good. The drunk guys are the ones that are going to punch people in the face in three hours. These guys are going to go to sleep at the table and then we're going to have to tap them on the shoulder and ask you. That's it. Exactly. You must be pretty sick of doing interviews by now. I've seen you on everything. I'm not. I'm not. No? No, I'm in a different place in my life. I'm present. I'm present now for everything in my life. So I'm not sick of it

because I'm actually doing it instead of trying to get through it. I'm enjoying the process rather than the result. Is that like Eckhart-Tola type stuff? Basically. Yeah, totally. It is. It is. My book is all about going to therapy, and then that turned into a podcast because people were so curious about it. I guess therapy is more taboo than I thought. You know, I live in L.A. So, of course, I'm in my own bubble about therapy. Everybody does it. I didn't think it was like anything interesting other than revealing your own story.

And what I didn't realize was, or what I've learned is that I was revealing so many people's stories, that so many of us are in the same boat and going through the same, we all experience grief, we'll all experience loss. of the human experience. So when it resonated the way it did, I just felt like, okay, let's give people more like I have my psychiatrist Dan on my podcast today. And we talk about our therapy and, you know, him breaking down these walls I had built up and created. I thought that was my personality. Sure. I didn't know I was like fortifying myself. I just thought that was, I was a tough girl. I'm like, that's who I am. You had a very unorthodox entry into stand-up. Can you tell us about that? Because I don't think most people get into stand-up when they're essentially in remand for a crime.

Right. Thank you for using the word remand. I got a DUI when I was like 21 and I got in a lot of trouble because I used my, I had my sister's ID. And I forgot to change it out when I turned 21 because I'd been using it for so many years. So that caused a whole ruckus of other events because my sister was really pissed at me. And she got a DUI and she was living there. She's a Mormon. She's like, ah, I didn't get this, bitch. So anyway, she, I had to go to DUI school. And in DUI class, they go for, you go for like what 15? weeks and everybody gets up and tells their story and I had such a fear of public speaking. You did? I did. Yeah. I mean, I had an opinion and I always had an attitude and I was always kind of in your face about it, but I was never thought of myself as a public speaker. Like I wasn't going to speak in front of multiple people, not stand up and do it. Anyway, they forced you to do it in that class. And when I did it, I got waited. I hid in, like, every night I hide in an area where I wouldn't get called on. And then at the very last class,

I thought I'd gotten away with it. I'm like, all right, I got this. I didn't even get it called. And he's like, Chelsea, come up here. And I was like, fuck. Yeah. And I was so nervous. And then I started telling my story. And all I did was tell what happened. And people, and it was ridiculous.

Like, everything I do was always just in a very immature. You know, I called the coper racist. We were both white. I mean, everything that, you know, didn't make sense. I did. And the audience and the class was just like laughing. And I was on stage for like, you know, 14, 15 minutes until the guy was like, no, this is not stand up.

get off the stage. Like you got your, you're enjoying this a little bit too much. And that's when I was like, wait a second, I like this. And what did you like about it? Was it like validation or attention?

Or was it just like, hey, people are laughing. I like making people laugh. I loved making people laugh. I think what I really wanted, I thought I wanted the attention. And what I think I was really wanting

was a connection. You know, so those two could get confusing because, you know, you lose your, I lost my brother when I was young. I lost my father

because of losing my brother, he kind of got lost. So we were all kind of lost and out to see. And that is a misconnection. And so I think when you're searching for that to re-fortify itself in your life, you're like, no, I have an attachment issue now. You can confuse that with wanting attention. And that's what I was doing. I was like, you know, I just wanted everyone to pay attention to me. Sure. And really what I wanted was just somebody to say, hey, where are you going and where have you been today? Like to care about. To give a shit about my day to day because my parents kind of didn't, you know, they had six kids. I was the youngest. So they were, it was a rap by the time

I came on the scene. I was basically like, good, good job raising yourself. Yeah. And good luck. And so my brothers and sisters raised me. And then my brother died and, you know, and that that paradigm shifts and your whole world becomes unglued. And, you know, when you're a nine-year-old kid, you don't have their vocabulary to wrap that pain up or even acknowledge what it is. Sure, of course. You might not have even known at that age that you had pain. You just probably thought that this is a thing that happened, and I've forgotten about it, but all this acting out happens later. Yeah, and I didn't know that's what cemented so much of my personality, that event, and that that blueprint of like, is it becomes a blueprint for your life the way the relationships end. When I was nine, you know, my brother said, I'll be right back.

I'm coming back and, you know, and died. So from then on, every relationship I ended was like that. Here today, gone tomorrow. If you pissed me off, you're out of my life. It's over. and I would never think about you again. And until my psychiatrist, who I talk about in my book, life will be the death of me,

until he painted the picture and said, the reason why you end relationships like that is because that's how you think they end. That was when I was like, whoa, holy shit. Yeah, that's pretty obvious. And it should have been to me, but it wasn't. It does seem, it's funny, because I read, of course, I read the book and I went,

how did she not pick up on this? But you're in it. You can't read the label inside the jar. pick up on this is a great title for my next book. Yeah, that's your next book. With comedy, though, you didn't just dabble. You obviously went kind of balls to the wall. Like, you didn't get out of the DUI school and go, like, oh, I guess I'll have a talk show that a bunch of people watch now. Yeah, no, it just kind of everything kind of falls into place. I think once you get focused about what you want to do in your life, things start to come together. You know, once you have a real focus, it becomes something. And I got into, you know, I got one show and then I wrote a book and then I wrote another book.

And I just kept getting rewarded for all of my behavior, which was great for me. me. Yeah. You know, it's like, oh, I'm a loud mouth. I talk about drinking and sleeping around, and people seem to love it. Great. I'll just keep gashing in on this. Did you ever wonder, like, why you got picked?

Because it's not like you're the only person who drank and slept around. Why did you get to, do you ever think like, wow, they like it when I do it, but it's, I'm famous for this. I'm making money doing this. Other people are doing this. They're not getting checks. No, no, no. I didn't think about it in those terms.

I just thought about it like, you know, at the time when you're going through it, you think it's because of your talent. You think you're really talented, that you have something unique that you're sharing. And then over time, you start to mature and understand that you are of privilege. I'm privileged. I'm white, first of all. I did notice that. Thank you.

And I have, you know, and I'm pretty or I was pretty when I started. And I'm just getting prettier and prettier as each year goes on. But, you know, I had a lot of advantages. I never struggled. I was never hungry. I've never been sexually assaulted. I've never, you know, struggled for any material thing in my life. I've never struggled.

At all, you think? Emotionally with my brother's death, with my mother's death, have I ever struggled? No, not in a way that can relate to what somebody, you know, any marginalized person has to have to struggle. So when you think about life in those terms, you know, which was a big wake-up call for me

to be like, hey, get out of your own asshole and think about what's going on in other people's lives and why are all your friends white and why do you live in Bel Air and why have you never lived in any community that's diverse when you sit here, think you're evolved or you're woke. You know, you have to take a deeper look at things and go, all right, I've got the luxury of taking time to take a look at myself and try to be better.

So if I don't take that on, then I'm a real fucking asshole. Yeah, you've kind of squandered this opportunity to do it. You're listening to The Jordan Harbinger show with our guest, Chelsea Handler. We'll be right back. Thank you for listening and supporting the show. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts from our amazing sponsors and to help keep the show going, visit Jordan Harbinger.com slash deals. And don't forget, we have a worksheet for today's episode so you can make sure you solidify your understanding of the key takeaways from Chelsea Handler.

That link is in the show notes at Jordan Harbinger.com slash podcast. If you'd like some tips on how to subscribe to the show, just go to Jordan Harbinger.com slash subscribe. Subscribing to the show is absolutely free, and it just means that you get all of the latest episodes in your podcast player as they're released so you don't miss a single thing. Now back to our show with Chelsea Handler. You chased fame and money and you felt exhausted as a result. That's from your book.

So do you remember, like, the motivation behind that? I'm curious because, to me, fame sounds like the kind of thing you either care a ton about from the get-go. Like, when you're young, you're like, I'm going to be famous. Everyone's going to love me. Or you just do something like the DUI school. You get a taste and you're like, oh, I like this a lot. I'm going to keep doing this.

Yeah. I mean, I wanted attention, definitely. And I liked it, too. And I still like it. You know, I'm on tour now for my book. I just turned to my book and do a stand-up tour. I was like, I'm never going to do stand-up again. I'm never going to do stand-up again.

I was done. I had burned myself out, just like I'd burn myself out with my books. And I didn't want to do stand-up or write a book until I did have something to say. And I do have something to say now. So, like, you know, even that evolution of me coming back and I just added all these cities, which you can get tickets for at LiveNation.com. I should plug that. Because I just added new dates.

But, like, that in itself is just, like, me returning back to what I really am supposed to be doing. You know, and now that I'm lighter and I'm more focused and I have my feet on the ground a lot more because I took the time to actually say, hey, I could do a little bit better at this whole life thing, I think. We'll link to your dates in the show notes and Live Nation and your, there's probably a page where they can book tickets and buy things. So you added new dates. So now, if everything was sold out before, now you can go see Chelsea Live. What is your, is your show a stand-up or is it like a presentation of the book story? It's both. It's like a one-woman show. I read from the book and then I'm going to do like an hour of stand-up. Oh, nice. Yeah. That's, that's, that's,

sounds, do you enjoy doing that? Is that fun? I have been enjoying it. I mean, this is the first time I've done a book tour without having a TV show to come back to every week. So I fly out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, you know, to like, I'm going to Westbury, Long Island. And, you know, I come back and I have a week to, I have those four days to, like, get ready for the next week. I've never done that before. I've never done a tour when I didn't have a TV show. I've never released a book without a TV show. It's a whole different world for me. And I'm like, oh, this is what being present is. Yeah. Actually, sitting still and talking about the same thing over. and over and over again and if you don't interfere it with a million other things, you can

actually be focused about it. Yeah, you mentioned before that now you feel like your work quality is elevated now that you're not focused on 87 different things. Yeah. That's satisfying for me to do. Like I spend 20 hours preparing for an interview, maybe 10. Yeah. And I like doing that.

I can't imagine being like other people say, yeah, who's coming in today? Oh, Chelsea Hamler? Cool. She's the, she's that white girl from that show, right? Like, okay, well, I'll fake it. It's more fun to, like, know what you're doing. Yes. Yeah, I went through life a lot, like what you just described a lot.

And now I'm more interested in knowing what I'm talking about. It's better that way, though. It's like you know that you're in some way fulfilling your potential. You're not just, like, riding on talent and going, like, I hope nobody spots me fucking winging it. Right, right, exactly. But also being present for that, like being in the moment, you can't lose when you're actually paying attention to what someone else is saying. You know what I mean? If you really are present, no one ever gets flustered. The conversation flows naturally. Like, it's all so important. And it sounds kind of like corny and, you know, I mean, I know I certainly looked at things like being present and words like universe and manifest and all of that shit as one like a whole pile of dog shit in Topanga Canyon. Yes, L.A.

You know, yeah. And I certainly had that attitude. And then, of course, I ate my words and became exactly what I was making fun of. But it's really easy that I have a real, like, I'm on a vendetta against all this sort of bullshit-y self-help stuff that's on Instagram because what it does, it looks great in the moment. And then someone like you or me who needs it goes, oh, that's all bullshit. Okay. And then you throw the baby out with the bathwater and you won't listen to something that actually will help you because you put it in the same camp as somebody who's like, here's a picture of me on the beach doing this. And it's like, you can because you're enough. And you're just like, uh, throw it out. And it screws it up for people that are

actually looking for for real guidance or help. And it becomes a problem because you can't find anything that you don't put in that lump of like LA bullshit, Venice Beach, trendiness. And it seems like you did the same thing, actually. Yeah, yeah. No. I mean, you know, it's just as, you know, it's whatever you want to take seriously, I suppose. You know, I want to, you know, I, like, you know, people, you know, with the election and

that political stuff and people are like, go back to being funny. It's like, yeah, I'll get that. there when I get there. I'm not worried about my funny. I've got that in spades. What I needed was the serious stuff. I needed to balance it with some real, like, empathy and understanding of people. Like, that's what I was in a deficit of. So don't worry about my funny. My funny's always going to be there. This is what I'm talking about right now because it's important to share. Do you feel like the activism might have come from, well, this is, I'm leading the witness here, but do you feel like, okay, I spend a lot of time caring only about myself? Now I'm spending time trying to make the world

better based on strong views that you have. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Just I needed to, you know, after the election, I had such a strong reaction and, you know, and it was such a trigger for me about what happened during my childhood, which was explained to me by Dan, my guy who was like, this is, you know, this is just the other time you felt so destabilized. So like, once you under, you know, I wanted to get, I wanted to get out of my own show and, and being screaming from afar. I wanted to get on the ground and actually talk to people. And, you know, my entry point into therapy was under that, you know, ostensibly under the umbrella that I need to have conversations with people who voted for Donald Trump and not scream and yell at them and not have the veins pop out of my neck. You know,

I want to be able to make a point without yelling. That was my modus operandi going into therapy. And what I got out of it was a lot more. Your mom died young. And I know your brother died young, too. You mentioned that. You do seem really tough, though. I mean, it can't all be fake. And you even said that people used to say they were scared of you. I think people probably still are. Yeah. I think it's fine to have some people scared of me. Yeah, I was going to ask you how that serves.

I've got so many people in my life. You know, thinning the hurt is not a big deal. Thinning the hurt. Yeah, there's just a lot of people always in my life. I'm a very social person. So I've always have, you know, I have no boundaries. I've got people like, you know, that are in and out, people who shouldn't be in my life for in my life because I just don't care about, you know, boundaries. I don't have that kind of parameters.

I never grew up with it. So I'm always like, oh, somebody could be like, you know, squatting in my house for three months and my whole team or my, all the people are like, when are you going to get rid of that guy? I'm like, oh, who cares? You know, and then I'll do something terrible. And I'm like, oh, okay, you guys were right. I'm not like that. Really?

So there's like some dude on your couch in theory right now. No, no one's on my couch. They're in a bedroom. You know what I mean? One of your bedroom. Yeah. Nobody's on the couch. No one's in.

No, no, no. What are you talking about? They have their own room. They have their own bathroom. Yeah. I heard you wrapped your talk show because you guys. sick of doing it. And I'm curious why you got sick of doing it because that's my worst fear is like waking up one day and going, fuck, I hate doing this. I don't have that feeling at all now,

but it scares me because I don't know what else I could possibly do. Yeah, I just wasn't, I think it was part of the election. It was just such a dark time. And so I couldn't focus on the show. Like, I wanted to, all I cared about was Trump. All I cared about was when he was going to be removed from office because I thought it was like impending. Like it was going to happen any day. They were going to drag him out of the White House. as like underwrews and just throw them in the jail. Like I really believe that was going to happen. And then finally I was like, okay, this is, you know, news changes from getting from

reportage to speculation and conjecture very quickly, usually. So once you realize that the news is nothing and means nothing and is just spin and pontificating, I mean, it's so stupid really when you think about it. Sure. Once I got off that train, I was able to start to like, you know, to think about other things. And I wanted to be in a place of action rather than reaction. That's always been my thing. I'm always been reactive. And I'm the one who's going to go in and defend anyone and yell at you and tell you you're stupid. And I wanted to be in a place where I wasn't talking so much. And now here I am. And here we are. Yeah. Doing one podcast after another.

Then my own podcast. I can't shut the fuck up. Yeah. Well, we try to do a New York Times photo thing. I don't know if you knew about that. And they're like, oh, she doesn't have time to do Harry. and makeup. And I went, all right, fine, no problem. But I just thought it was funny because they go, what's the story about? Your team goes, what's the story about? And I go, it's about me telling everyone that they don't all have to do podcasts because some people should. And they go, do you know that, you know that Chelsea has a project. Like, yeah, I think she'll be on board. Like, she'll get it. Not everyone should be a talk show host. It's a thing. You don't have to do it because they exist. Not everyone has to have. No, no, I had a very, I had an aversion to do it too as well

because of that reason, of course. I mean, listen, everybody does have a fucking podcast. Yeah. It's a joke. It's a great. because there is no hair and makeup and that's something I could get on board with. But mine's a limited series podcast to go with my tour because I figured, let me see what this is. And people were the curious about the therapy component. So I'm allowed to have my psychiatrist on it. I'm allowed to do whatever I want. And I, there is something very, I mean, I really enjoy being on podcasts as a guest.

There's something so nice about not performing for a camera, not having the visual. I mean, I don't care because I've been on camera forever. but I and I know and but it's there's something very much more intimate obviously which is why podcasts are so popular and people love them you don't have to perform really yeah and I like that I like that especially for what I'm talking about right now you mentioned that talent booking was your main one of the main reasons you didn't like doing the show and I thought that was that was interesting because for me my number one biggest pain in the ass is like is she gonna are they going to confirm are they going to change it is this going to happen oh they're going to yank it at the last minute good thing

I flew down to L.A like that that's a constant instant thing. And I realized, well, okay, if Chelsea Handler is not big enough to not have a pain in the ass with talent booking, then I can just get over the fact that this is going to get erased when I hit a certain level because it's not going to happen. Yeah, it's a total pain in the ass and everybody's jockeying for the first interview for everything. So you have to play this like, you know, echelon thing like with, you know, Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon and who goes first and who goes second. And it became, it's like, why am I at war with all these people? I don't, you know, like, I can't have Charlize there on on before.

you do? Like, what's going to happen? You know, it's that kind of shit. Right. So I didn't, I didn't like that at all. And I don't want to, you know, everyone's got their own audience. Nobody gives a shit. Yeah, nobody cares. I mean, nobody gives a shit about this shit. Honestly, it's so stupid. So then I just realized I didn't give a shit either. And that's very liberating. Yeah, I can imagine. I mean, I know people already think I don't give a shit. But like, it's next level. It's next level. It's next level. Yeah. Yeah. Now I really don't give a shit about any of it, about anything. because I know it doesn't matter. You know, all that matters is like really, really like spreading good vibrations.

I can appreciate that. I think one thing that you mentioned that really hit home was you said, I have to be fake in celebrity interviews. And I guess probably pretending to care about what they're doing, first of all. That's hard. Yeah. It's hard. And I'm good at like getting involved in someone's life, but it would be so hard for me to be like, I can't wait to see Avenger, the newest thing that, like you're sitting in front of me like,

wow, or asking questions or being enthusiastic at a certain time. And I think that half the time the talking points are made up by the PR person in the car on the way to the interview. And you have to get past all of that. And it seems exhausting to do. Yeah, I mean, it's exhausting when people aren't real. You know, a lot of people take themselves really seriously in this industry, which is unfortunate because it's hard to take someone seriously, in my opinion, that takes themselves seriously. You know, it's much more fun to have a real conversation, to be down and just to be down and be cool. And just talk about whatever, like, without having talking points, without worrying it about so much about, you know, how you look and how, like, it's hard to say that, you know, I'm guilty of the very same thing.

I mean, I'm sitting here with a fucking iPad full of talking points. Right. It does hit home, yeah. Yeah, but it's, it's, it's, I mean, that's good preparation and everything. And I'm not poo-pooing that because that is important. And I wish more people would do, you know, be better prepared, myself included. That's something I'm a little lazy about being prepared for interviews because I just, you know, not because of anything.

I don't have an excuse. Do you feel like maybe you don't care enough about some of the things that you have to do to prepare for them? Well, I try to make sure that whatever I do now, I do care about. You know, I try not to have that, do you have another one of those Coke zeros?

That looks really good. Is it cold? Yeah, it is. It's super cold. It's ice cold and somebody will maybe get me another one maybe. Kind of sorry, I don't mean to turn you into server,

but yeah, isn't that nice? I never have that. You probably have that all the time. So good. It's so rare. I get to be like, excuse me, can you, I never get to do that. So thank you for allowing me to do that. How did that feel?

That felt so good. It good in a way where I'm like, God, don't get used to this, Jordan. Yeah. Don't get used to this, yeah, yeah. It gets easy. You can get amnesia, domestic amnesia. I had it for a long time. I still am coming out of it.

But yeah, you get a lot of people doing a lot of things for you and you start to think that's how the world goes around. And it's really embarrassing. Yeah, like, I need to take a breath right now and be like, just enjoy it now. Yeah, and you're a white guy, so you really can't get carried away with it because it's a rap on white guy. So just even just divorce yourself from the idea that that's a comfortable feeling for you. The sun is setting on me being able to do that. Yeah, damn. Look, I've heard you say you lack empathy. Speaking of like bossing other people around and being a

horrible boss. But you did set up scholarships for your employee's kids. And as much as it might be like, oh, well, you know, I don't care. And like, I'm hard to get along with nobody that I talk to whose names I can't even get into because they're all like, oh, they all love you. You. Your staff loves you. Well, thank you. That's very nice. We had a great time. There's nobody on my staff that shouldn't because it was awesome.

I mean, anyone, you know what I mean? Yeah. We had an amazing time on that show. And, yes, I took care of all of my employees because I would do that for strangers if they worked from. I mean, I would, you know, your employees become your family. You can literally just walk in. It's fine. Like, it's more distra.

Thank you. Thank you. And plus, I get to go. Thank you very much, everyone, for bringing that Coke in. Yeah, that's never been a. That's never been a weakness of mine. I've always been generous. That's easy.

That's an easy thing for me. That's easy for you? Yeah. I mean, I'm surprised to hear that because the image that is portrayed, maybe not voluntarily by you, but maybe it's a media construction is like, oh, you know, watch yourself. She's not super friendly. Like, a lot of people want to either make you look like that or that's what you've lucked into, and I put that in air quotes, like that you've lucked into.

Like, yeah, she's a little bit. Yeah. It's a thing. Yeah, I get that. I can understand why people think that. but no, generosity is a different thing. You know, that's easy to do. You have a lot of money, and you can share it.

It doesn't really affect me either way, you know? So it's not, it's very ego-driven generosity too. Really? Yeah, you give people things to, A, maybe make up for your behavior, or B, because it doesn't take anything away from you. So real generosity is taking something away from yourself to give to another person. That's real generosity. Spreading money around when you have millions of dollars,

it's kind of just expected. You know what I mean? It's being nice and being generous. Yeah, yeah, I did. I've always had that. That's never been my deficit. My deficits are other things. This is the Jordan Harbinger show with our guest, Chelsea Handler.

We'll be right back after this. Thank you for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers is what keeps us on the air. And to learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard so you can check out our amazing sponsors. visit Jordan Harbinger.com slash deals. And don't forget the worksheet for today's episode. That link is in the show notes at Jordan Harbinger.com slash podcast. And if you're listening to us on the Overcast Player,

please click that little star next to the episode. It really helps us out. And now for the conclusion of our show with Chelsea Handler. I do love that you yelled at P. Diddy on camera because he was late. He was like three hours late. How satisfying was that? Oh, I went off on him. I went off on him backstage and on camera.

I was pissed. I have so many guests. So disrespectful. It is. And I appreciate that you were in a position where you were able to do that to somebody like that. I have a whole list of guests where I'm like, in my dreams, I'm able to tell you a new asshole for canceling while I'm sitting here with everyone.

The lights are on and they're like, oh, he's going to eat lunch first. Like, are you kidding me? How dare you? But I have no, I've no power at all. Yeah, right, right. Well, it's, it, we, P. Diddy, I felt like at that time, deserved to be yelled at. Yeah. Just generally.

Yeah, just in general. Yeah, that's how I felt at the time. Did your mom listen to Dr. Laura growing up? Is that a real anecdote? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. For sure, all the time, that AM radio and that, you know, that fuzzy reception you get. Yeah. It's like, my childhood is just filled with like long, hot car rides where there was no air conditioning and listening to that static. Yeah. You drive under a power line. And it's like, yeah, like, oh, I think I understood what you said.

I was just like, mom, can't we listen to just some real shit, like some music or I don't know, some Bonnie Tyler? Yeah, of course, Bonnie, of course you pick Bonnie Tyler. Does that, did her advice not drive you crazy, though? Like, were you listening to that thinking when I heard that, I went, I would never agree with that. I would never give that advice. Or like, how sanctimonious is this person? Yeah. So, yeah, it was like, I remember thinking my mom must be brainwashed to be listening to this woman.

Oh, this is why you're parenting me this way because Dr. Laura was like, kids don't have privacy. I go in my kid's closet and I read their diary. It's like, this is why you're creating this person right now. Right. Because you're listening to her who's got her head so far up of her. Yeah, well, we don't have to go down that road. But, yeah, I feel like I was parented in part by Dr. Lord.

And I was like, wow, if you listen, if your mom listened to the same thing, no wonder if we have the same. Yeah. And she's still on, isn't she? I don't know. Probably. I mean, there's still. is she? It's got to be replays by now. I don't know. I think she and Dr. Ruth Westheimer are still alive.

Dr. Ruth, though, was a pioneer in the way. Like, she was like, she was on Ellen the other day. Really? God, how old is she now? She's like 200. Yeah, minimum. I did enjoy your book, by the way, the latest one. I know you were talking to Conan and you're like, yeah, this is a book I wrote when I had something to say. And he made a pretty funny comment, which was like, oh, so the other books you just wrote for money. which is like kind of a you're busted on that one because I feel like a lot of people in your position to really do that. You write a book and it's like, hey, you want another like two million dollars? Yeah, I would like to make a statement that I got on the book writing bandwagon way before any of these other girls did. I mean, I did my horizontal life when I was like 27 years old. That was before every celebrity came out with a memoir. That was, and, you know, I'm not taking responsibility for that movement, but I didn't jump on a bandwagon. And I wrote before, my first book was before I was on a TV show.

It just came out when I was on one. So I like to think of myself, since I didn't go to college and I like to overcompensate for my lack of education. I always like to think of myself as a writer first. And so I take like writing six books, you know, some people have one, some people have two. When I started writing books, I was like, what if I just become an author? Maybe that's what I'll do. And I remember my first editor's name was Colin Dickerman was like, no, you can't survive on that. You'll never survive on being an author. And I'm like, the author part of my life is the most

satisfying part of my career. Why is that? Just because I love to be able to write and I'm getting so much better at it. Like, this book is so much stronger in terms of my writing than it was, and then my last books that I just know I can get better and better. And that if I keep honing this skill, like I could become a great writer one day. So you wrote this book yourself. There's not like a ghost writer person who's like, hey, what do you think of this chapter? No, no. I don't have a ghost writer. I've written all my books myself. Really? I feel like I don't know if I could do that.

I can write, but I'd be scared. I might even be scared to do it thinking, like, how someone else is better suited to this. Yeah, a lot of people have people help them with the books. Yeah. And you just don't. You don't need that. No, I don't want that. I want to be able to get better at it.

You know what I mean? And that's not the way for me to learn. The way for me to learn is to do it. And I have to do it by myself and sort it out. So I'm really, like, proud of that aspect of things. Like, I feel like I'm maturing as a writer and I'm getting to a place where I'm going to whip something up. Yeah. It was well done. And I'm always, pardon me, I'm always a little surprised when I have somebody like, Moby wrote a book and I read it and I went, there's no way he wrote this. There's

words in here. I'm Googling what they mean. So DJ didn't write this book. And when I asked him, he's like, yeah, I wrote this. I was a philosophy major and I really like this. And I thought, like, that's so much more impressive. Because it's also not like you telling a story and someone's going, oh, she sounds like a horrible person. Let me rewrite this in a different way that makes her sound good. And and then you're like, oh, yeah, that looks good. You running it yourself is completely different. You don't try to whitewash your past. You just try to be as real as you can.

And that's, it's unusual, I think. Well, yeah, I mean, it is unusual, I suppose. I mean, who knew truth was such a commodity in this industry? So I think that's what, you know, you find what you're good at and you lean into it. Like, I want to be telling the truth. Like, whatever I'm going through, I'm going to tell you the truth about it. So right now, this is what I'm going through. So here's what's happening.

You know, when I was drinking and partying, that's what was. happening. And I keep, you know, coming back to that because it is authentic and you can only tell your story. And if you're doing the line of work that I'm in, which is being basically a communicator, then this is my, then that's what I got to do. Like, that's, that's kind of my job, you know? Yeah. And I like it. And I'm good at it. So just keep doing the things that you're good at, and then you're just going to keep getting better at them. It's cool that you still care about the craft, because it's easy to not care after a while. After a measure of success, you can just, I mean, you see it with music where you're like, oh, they got 20 million for that. That's why they made it.

Yeah. And you don't seem to do that at all. Well, I've done it, but I would like to not do that again. I definitely have taken a paycheck before, you know, thinking about what I was going to do, you know. Sure. Like, oh, yeah, sure, I'll do that, you know. So I've definitely got, you know, in exchange for a paycheck, delivered a project that I didn't really, you know, think about beforehand. But I hope that I don't do that anymore. Yeah. Well, you can even hear your voice crack as you read certain emotional parts of the book. And some people would probably be tempted to go, let me retake that. I don't want to keep my image as a showman buttoned up and unlock. I don't want to sound like I'm vulnerable here. And you don't seem to have a problem with that at all. No, I don't have a problem with the truth. I like it. I mean, anything that's true is okay with me. You thought deeply in this book, especially deeply about your family, like your mother's death is in there. There's a lot of pain in there. And I'm wondering what role that played in your career, the pain did.

Like, was it feel, or was your career like a more escapism in the beginning? Both. Like, it was a source of motivation in many ways because I wanted the attention that I, that was kind of withdrawn from me, from my family, from my dad, after my brother died, from my brother. You know, I wanted a lot of attention, so it was a way to cope. And it was a driving force, like, to get the attention. I thought, oh, that will be what I needed. You know, I was thirsty and I was dehydrated from love in a sense. And I wanted people, and I thought the attention would be love.

And, you know, and it is. And it does help. It feels good to be loved and to have people, have fans and have people say that you change their life or that you are saying something that, you know, they are thinking but it didn't have the courage to say. You know, all of those things keep you going. So like it all leads into the other thing, you know, it leads into your, like it led into my charge of life and wanting to take charge. of my life, not having to rely on a guy or my father because he's disappointment. My mother was

and everybody whose adults seemed to be unreliable. So it was about me growing up at nine and saying, okay, I'm going to go up, I'm going to be rich and famous and I'm going to take care of everybody in my life so that nobody ever has to take care of me. That was my goal. And that was my narrative. And I was going to do whatever I had to do to get that to happen. And I did. And it happened. So be careful of yourself because we're all really strong. Yeah. Well, you, you, you're not. You you definitely, it's rare to accomplish a big, ambitious goal like that. Do you think about having kids yourself at all? Are you like, oh, I could do this and then not screw them up? Or are you like, wow, I'm not ready for that. No, I'm not, I'm not interested in having children. I mean,

I'm not, I've never been interested in having children. You know, I don't think we need more of me. I just, I, and I think I, you know, I, I'm going to be able to do so much more in this world because I don't have children. Like, I can do so much more good because I don't have that distraction and I don't have the expense. Yeah, I suppose if you're not all gone all in on having kids, you definitely shouldn't do it. No, I think people need to take a real close look at why they're having kids and think about you don't have to have kids. Like, just because everyone's been doing it for so long, it's really nice to actually go, wait, what do I want to do in my life? What are, what are, for me, I care so much about traveling and caring so much about seeing the entire world as much

of it as I can see. Like, that's not going to work out with the, you know, I am selfish in that way. Yeah, I could have a boyfriend and I could get married, but children are not on my map. Unless, you know, somebody needs me to be a parent to somebody in an emergency situation. And of course, I would do that. But, you know, my contribution is not children. The activism, right? Not much I know.

The activism stuff is like more what you're into now. Well, that is, you know, my work with the work I'm doing, you know, making it good and making it's something that I'm in, you know, doing, getting back into stand-up and having fun with this new information and making it, you know, letting people know that we're all a bunch of fucking idiots, just trying hard. And so like, let's help each other out. Growing up on sort of unparented, is that fair to say? Sort of unparented. Semi-parented. Semi-parented is it. Now you have like 30 people around you all the time. Like, even trying to get this done, it was like, oh, well, hold on. Let me call Chelsea's team and then they'll call.

And then it's like there's three layers between maybe four between even making this happen and people being like, oh, hey, Coke, zero. Yeah, that looks good. Can I have one of those? Now you have like 30 parents. Their lives revolve around you. It's like this whole team of people. How do you get used to that?

I don't know anything about that. I just deal with my assistant, Brandon, and he tells me what to do. And so there's probably a big team around me. I know there is a big team around me, but I don't know about all these different layers. I can only imagine how annoying it must be. But yeah, a lot of people want to talk and have. insert their opinions on a lot of things. And, you know, that's just the way it is in this town. It's really, really boring. You think that's boring? Yeah. I think it's fun that your assistant

tells you what to do. I feel the same way. Yeah, he totally, like, he's, he totally don't, like, dominates me. I don't even argue with him. They're standing the deck at my house this morning, and I said, this wood looks too red. I don't like the red tint in it. I want it dark brown. And Brandon goes, I think the red is fine. And then he walked inside. That was it. He decided to overrule me in my own fucking house. And I don't. I just said, yeah, okay, I guess whatever brand is. There we have it. I mean, basically, he's inserting himself into my brain and slowly commandeering me.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm fine with it. But you need someone like that. I'm so tired. I'm fine with that. I'm just like, listen, I want to marry him. He's gay.

And he's my husband. Yeah. I feel like you might need someone like that. He even likes to ski. And I mean, I made him start skiing because I'm a very passionate skier. Yeah. It's very important to me to ski. And he started skiing because of how important was to be.

me and now he loves it as much as I do. So now I have my ski buddy, too. I don't even have to go get a ski guide now. No, well, you molded him into the parent you needed and now he's like, no, this is what you have now. Yeah, exactly. Now I have parents. We're going to have a red deck. We're getting a red deck, Chelsea. I mean, I don't live here, but your deck is red, and that's how it's going to be. Do you think you found what you were looking for in L.A.? Like when you came here to be famous and loved and everything, like you have accomplished that. but do you feel satisfied having done that? Yeah, I feel super satisfied.

I mean, I got way more than I could have ever asked for. I mean, my life is ridiculous. It is. It seems awesome. I shouldn't say it is. I don't know. And it just keeps getting better because now I'm awake. You know what I mean? I'm a little bit more with it.

And I'm like, oh, so everything's better. Life just becomes easier when you stop fighting everything and lean into like the good stuff, you know, and not resist change and just say, okay, that situation didn't work out. let's move on to the next thing. Don't fight things so much. I always was such a fighter. And it's like, it's okay. It doesn't matter. You know what I mean? Like everything is going to be okay. Ultimately, everything is going to be fine. We have no choice in the matter. You know, so you can either get along with everybody or you can fight with everybody. You do seem to have a sixth sense for your career decisions, though. There was a, you were cut off for this town in some ways. I was reading this

anecdote probably yesterday. You quit hosting the show called On the Lot, which was produced by Mark Burnett, Steven Spielberg. These are guys where everything they touch turns to gold slash platinum, and you were like, this sucks. This is terrible. I'm not doing this. Yeah. That takes serious guts. And then it lasted one season. Well, I quit a lot. First of all, I was really bad at the job. That's why I quit. Oh, you were bad at it. Yeah. They didn't add that. Well, I'm sure that was something. That was like Wikipedia. I was terrible. It was like a reality show host, which I can't do that. You know, it's very Ryan Seacrest. He's great at that. I'm not. So I quit because I was bad at it. because I had my other show that was beginning.

And I've quit all, you know, I mean, I'm a quitter. I quit a lot of shows because I have the very same reason. I jump in and then, or I get bored. That one I didn't get bored. I just was like, I'm terrible. Mark Burnett knew how bad I was. And we all agreed it was good for me to quit that. Really?

Oh, so you didn't just like leave going. This is a train wreck. I'm out. Well, that too. But I also just was not interested in hosting a television show like that. Like I could host a talk show, but hosting a reality show with a content. intestines kind of made my vagina hurt. Did you know you'd be good at the talk show thing? Like, did you think, oh, I love talking. I can do this. I mean, how did you even know that that would be

natural? I mean, that's very easy for me to do because it's just so who I am. I am really inquisitive. You know, I want to talk to people. I want to learn about everything. I'm, you know, so all of that was natural. No, I never aspired to be a talk show host per se. I didn't say, oh, I want to have my own late night show, just kind of fell into, you know, I did stand up. And then I, you know, I did stand up. And then I did a show called Girls Behaving Badly. And then I started doing stuff for the E-Network. And then they gave me my Chelsea Handler show, which was kind of, that didn't work. So then they changed that into Chelsea lately.

I've had so many television shows with my name in them between Chelsea on Netflix and then Chelsea does and all of it. Eventually you're just like, I got to change my name. Or I got to, like, it's too much. It's a lot. I've heard you say men are scared of you and that you don't like it. But is that a defense mechanism? Like, are you scared of them or you really think that they're just scared of you? Well, I think it's a two-way street.

I think I am scared of them and they also are scared of me. What's scary, though? Like, what do you think is? I think men think, oh, she's going to embarrass me in public or talk about me in one of her books. And they're not wrong. I've done that several times in my life. That's like table stakes, though. Like, if you date somebody like you, you have to be like, well, this is coming out on.

You have to not give a shit if somebody's going to write anything about you or, you know, have a conversation with me explaining that you don't want that to happen. You know, I'm, I think I wouldn't do that anymore. I would like to think that I'm not, you know, I'm a little bit more mature now, so I'm not going to do that. But I certainly understand it. And men don't like loudbrash women. Like, that is intimidating to a lot of men. And I have, I understand that it is intimidating. I feel like my college roommate, he was like your biggest fan. He's like, I like, I like women that are just going to like, and it was like every quality that you had. He was just like, oh, I love that. I love when they, like he wants to be like almost like not shamed, I shouldn't say, but he wants somebody's going to like shove their opinion down his throat. Right. He just, he enjoys that. And he's not a weak guy. He's a tough guy. Yeah. No, I think that is, that is a real tough guy. Somebody who likes a strong woman is a guy that's really secure. Yeah. He's an investment banker and his wife is just like, just absolutely cracking the whip on it. I'm like, how do you deal with that? He's like, oh, I thrive on that. Yeah. Like, it's almost like if he could turn it up to another other cup of nachos, he would. Yeah.

You do seem tough, though. Do you think you get that from your mom? Because she, I mean, anyone who fights breast cancer for 15 years after raising six kids is, is tough. I think I am tough. Like, I just am a little bit. I mean, I have strength. I have a lot of strength. I have a lot of vulnerability now that I, like, discovered, but that was resistant to.

So, and, you know, what I've learned through therapy is that being vulnerable is being strong. Like, that is nothing to be ashamed of. It's okay to be emotional. It's okay to, it's talking about my brother who died when he was not. It's okay to be upset by that. For so many years, I thought I couldn't allow anyone to see me cry. Why? Why is that necessary?

Why do you think you can't let anyone see you cry? You know, you have to sit and think about that. What does it mean? Does it mean you're helpless? Does it mean you're a victim? All of those things. I think I am tough because of my life, but I think I would have been tough no matter what my life is because that's my personality. It's part of who I am. I'm just, I'm a little rough around the edges.

You were always like that, though. Yeah. As a talk show host, do you, when you started going to therapy, did you take control of the conversation thinking like, I'm getting away with this? Like, they're not, they're not making me dive down the rabbit hole. Try to. Yeah? For a while in the beginning, I tried to. I didn't want to get emotional. I didn't want to get cry. I you know, I'd get the lip quiver and I'd like deflect. And he'd be like, sit. I'd tell him a story about my father not picking me up from Hebrew school. And how after my brother died, they would just forget about me all the time. And he'd be like, stop. Sit with that.

And I'd be like, well, no, no, no, I'm not done with a story. And he's like, no, no, no, stop. Your father didn't pick you up from Hebrew school. What did that feel like? And I'd be like, sat. He's like, no, what was underneath that? I'm like, I don't know. Can you tell me?

Like, tell me. Please, I'm bang you. Give me some information here. He's like, you volunteer. you know, helpless, helpless, helpless. Yes, helpless. Helpless. I feel helpless. That's why I get so frustrated when I can't turn on my iPad at home or my TV because I start to feel like that little girl helpless. I don't know how to do it and nobody here can help me and I'm all alone. And, you know, when you relate things like that and you start to see yourself in a bigger framework,

you're like, oh, I'm just a little girl. Like this is when I act like this and this is when I act like this and this is why I treat guys like this and nobody's good enough. Everyone's stupid because I have to protect myself. And so, you, You know, once you peel that away and you become like a much full or richer person, you're like, oh, oh, this is a much more reasonable version of me, you know? Yeah. Do you think that becoming well-known, having tons of fans, does that make you feel more or less alone over the years? It makes me feel less alone always.

I mean, it always feels good to read, you know, DMs about people who've read my book or my podcast. Like, I love interacting with those fans now before I think I thought of it as such an onus. Like, I wasn't real enough to get person. because it was just such a bravado, you know, I was constantly going through, I must have done six comedy tours in six years while I was doing Chelsea lately. Like it was exhausting. And how can you have real moments when you're moving so fast? Yeah, that's, I don't understand how you even slowed down enough to like have thoughts and emotions in a life at all. And I wonder if that was by design. Like, okay, I don't want that. I don't want to feel stuff. I want to work, make a ton of money, make people like me, and not slow. down enough to go, oh, man, I kind of haven't handled my shit here. Yeah. No, it was great. I mean, yeah, I mean, slowing, slowing down is just, it's going to, you have to do it at some point. It's like you have to examine yourself at some point. Otherwise,

you hit a wall. And I did. I've hit a lot of walls. There was a lot of times where I'm like, I'm done with this. I don't want to do this. I'm going to go travel. And then I get lured back in by a paycheck or by an offer. Oh, no, you want to do a talk show. It's like, do I? Okay, I guess I do. But do I really? No. The answer's no. I don't want to do that. So now I know, you know, I did it. It was fine. And it's an evolution. And it's all right to have an evolution. It's way more interesting than not having one. What's luring you in now? Like, what's really commanding your attention? The book, you know, we're going to sell the book, make the book into a TV show. And I think I'm going to be in it because I think it's time for me to do it myself. And that had never been

appealing for me to play myself on television before. They've tried to do it. develop my books before and on television. And I just feel like, okay, I could see myself doing this now and make it into like a great fun kind of curb, you know, with me trying, and my psychiatrist trying to get better at life. He's going to play your psychiatrist. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I need everything to be so real. I'd have to convince my psychiatrist to do it. Oh my God. He won't do that. No way. No. Act, I doubt. Yeah. It would just be a reality show of me and my psychiatrist at that point, so we'd have to get an actor so we could at least play with it. Like Stern. where there's just cameras in the studio.

It's just you in therapy, being like, I don't know if I want to talk about this. Me in utero. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Did your ayahuasca experience change you at all, or was that just kind of a thing you did? Yeah, Iowaska.

It was awesome. I changed my experience, my relationship with my sister for sure. You get to see yourself outside of yourself. You, like, the great thing about ayahuasca is you see yourself as a kid, and you see your body and your, like, hair bouncing, and I was running on the beach with my sister, and I saw us both.

And then I saw my dogs from childhood, who I had forgotten about. So there were all real memories that were somewhere in my bank, my memory bank, but I hadn't accessed them in so many years. So it releases all these memories and it's like a wave of melancholy

and you're just so overcome with love. Like you just love, like all I did was have so much love and compassion for my sister. But that was way before I went to therapy. We did that in Peru. We shot it for Netflix. Yeah.

And I write about it in the book also, but I haven't done, I've been to therapy. And now that my brain is so much more developed and open and understanding, like, I would like to do ayahuasca again now and see what happens to me because now I have like, you know, there's so many fewer blockages. It sounded like kind of a weird experience with your shaman. I was like, is this how it's done?

Because my friends are, it's like there's a whole ayahuasca cult trend now. Like everyone's doing it. And you're like, yeah, my shaman shat himself. And he just sat there and I'm like, is that part of the deal? Yeah. You can shit your pants or you. You can, well, you don't have to shit your pants. You could go to a toilet.

Okay. Or you can shit your pants. It's totally your call. Or you can go to, or you vomit. They tell you those two things will happen. I vomited only, so I didn't have the Shadubi part, which I was grateful for, because vomiting I'm much better with than the other one. But, yeah, that's part of it.

You're kind of cleansing in a way, I guess. You're purging. This has been great. And I know I want to be really conscious of your time. You're awesome, just as great as I would have hoped. And thank you. This has been really cool. It's nice to meet.

you likewise big thank you to chelsea handler for coming in today the book title is life will be the death of me and you too and links to her stuff will be in the show notes of course we're teaching you how to connect with great people and manage relationships using systems and tiny habits over at our six minute networking course which is free over at jordan harbinger.com slash course don't try to do it later the number one mistake people make is not digging the well before they get thirsty once you need relationships you're too late the drills take a few minutes a day the course is free. You can find it all at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course, and most of the guests on the show actually subscribe to the course and the newsletter, so come join us, and you'll be in some really

good company. Speaking of building relationships, tell me your number one takeaway here from Chelsea Handler. I'm at Jordan Harbinger on both Twitter and Instagram. There's a video of this interview on our YouTube channel at Jordan Harbinger.com slash YouTube. This show is produced in association with Podcast One. This episode was co-produced by Jason DeFilippo and Jen Harbinger. Show notes and worksheets are by Robert Fogarty, and I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. Hey, I read everything, by the way, especially the reviews that you send. So please review us on Apple Podcasts so that others can find the show. If you need instructions, those are at Jordan Harbinger.com slash subscribe.

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