The Jordan Harbinger Show - 313: My Boyfriend’s Flirty Friend | Feedback Friday

Episode Date: February 14, 2020

Your boyfriend's close friend flirts with him directly in front of you. He doesn't reciprocate, but it does bother you because you know -- from conversation you've had with her in the past before you became his significant other -- that she actually does fancy him. Should you communicate your displeasure to either party or just keep your cool? And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason DeFillippo (@jpdef) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: https://jordanharbinger.com/313. On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Confused by The Adam Carolla Show clips at the end of a few of our episodes? If you're not skipping commercials, you should have gotten the memo! ;) Like our new show art? Much thanks to Santi Fox for making it so! Many thanks to all the unknowns out there who keep sending us gifts but don't provide a return address! Should you call out your boyfriend's close female friend for flirting with him directly in front of you, or should you keep your cool? Friends give you the silent treatment when they're upset with you. Should you give them time to cool off, or is life just too short to deal with this kind of drama? Your mom has ADHD and gets so distracted by her phone and surroundings that it always causes a scene. How can you travel together and remain sane? You're either too social and your grad school work takes a hit, or you're too involved in school and your social life takes a hit. How can you strike a successful balance? Your friend/employer insists on paying you by check, but you usually have to text him reminders and personally pick it up. Aren't there easier ways to get paid these days? What are some tips for someone without a college degree going into interviews for entry-level corporate jobs? Life Pro Tip: For parents: Instead of always telling your child what to do, give them two options with the same outcome to prevent the headache of having them refuse the task. (For example, instead of telling them to put on their pajamas for bed, ask them which pajamas they want to wear to bed tonight. This works well because kids love having control over what they are doing.) For travelers: Bring a power strip with you to use at airports, and you'll never have to wait for an outlet to be available again. Recommendation of the Week: The Weekly, Hulu A quick shout out to Gareth Emery! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger, and I'm here with producer Jason DeFilippo. On the Jordan Harbinger show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills of the world's most brilliant and interesting people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. If you're new to the show, on Fridays we give advice to you and answer listener questions. The rest of the week, we have long-form interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks, from spies to CEOs, athletes to authors, thinkers, and performers. This week we had Susan David talking about emotional agility. What gets us into autopilot thought loops and how are those destructive to our relationships and to ourselves? She's a brilliant mind, good friend of mine and a great presenter. And she's got a cool

accent, frankly, so there's that. And afterwards, we spoke with John Tierney with a deep dive into negativity bias. Why do we so often focus on the negative? Is this a bad thing? And how do other people use this bias to manipulate us and what can we do to regain that control? So make sure you have a look and a listen to everything we created for you here this week. Of course, our primary mission here on the Jordan Harbinger show is to pass along our guests and our own experiences and insights to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you and that's what we're going to do today and every Friday here on Feedback Friday. I just want to place one brick in the structure that makes up your life. That's really what this

podcast is about. You can reach us Friday at jordanharbinger.com. By the way, a lot of people have said, what is this veggie wash clip at the end of some of the recent episodes of the show? Well, it's from the Adam Carolla show. We just forgot the little insert part that says, hey, stay tuned for a clip from the Adam Carolla show, which is available on podcast one. So sorry for everyone who was confused and being like, what podcast is that from. It's so funny. And the other people who said, what podcast is that from? I don't think it's supposed to be in your show. Who are these people? Sorry for everyone that was confused. Also, you may notice we have new show art for the podcast.

I'm glad to finally have some show art that truly represents who I am, which is a guy with a silly haircut and a shorn cat. So a lot of people have been asking me about when we're going to update that, and we're going to update the whole site. Let us know what you think of the new show art as long as you like it. And if you don't like it, keep your darn mouth shut, because I don't care. Also, a lot of few have been asking me what I'm thinking about during interviews, what's on my iPad. I'm going to do something more in-depth on this at some point, but just FYI, during the

interview, if you're watching us on YouTube, and if you're just listening to the show, what's going through my mind when I'm interviewing someone? I'm mostly focused on their answer, even if I already know what the answer is going to be because of my research, or I think I know what the answer is going to be because of my research. You never know if you're going to be right or if something else is going to come off of that. Sometimes I'm thinking of very specific audience members, so I might be thinking, what would Sue in Minnesota think about this or ask about this or how would this hit her? Or I'm processing my own reaction. I'm never, ever, ever thinking about my next question. And I think this is important. That's why I'm mentioning it, because a lot of hosts are doing this. It ruins conversational

flow. It'll get you stuck on, well, it'll get me stuck on my own stuff if I was thinking about what to say next. There's nothing quite as non-present as thinking about the next thing you're going to say in any conversation, whether it's an interview or not. And it leaves all of the best spontaneous conversational threads and information on the table, which is not good. That is not what you're looking for in a podcast. A lot of hosts are doing this. A lot of people do this in regular conversations, and you can really tell.

You can really tell the kind of joke, Jason, that you and I always toss around is someone will say, yeah, so thanks to my parents who adopted me from Africa, because without them, I never would have thought to become an infectious disease specialist. And then the host goes, so, what are you? are three books that you recommend. It's like, what the hell are you doing? Like, how jarring is this for somebody who's actually paying attention? By the way, whoever sent us the podcast master onesie for Jaden? Thank you. That was very sweet of you. I've gotten a lot of great gifts. Many are coming without names. So if you didn't get a personalized thank you email from me,

personally, from Jen, it's because we don't know who you are. We are very conscientious about thanking everyone that sends anything, whether it's for me, for Jen, for Jaden, for the whole team. If you've never heard from us, some things get lost in the mail, but usually it's because, you know, who sent us 27 cans of high grade baby food directly from Whole Foods, whatever, like, we don't know. And we can't find out. And when we call the company, they won't tell us for privacy reasons. So if you didn't hear from us and you sent us something, thank you. It's not on us. We are not that entitled. I just want to make sure that everyone knows that. That's a lot of housekeeping. Sorry for that. But Jason, what's the first thing out of the mailbag?

Hey, Triple J, my boyfriend has a close friend who flirts with him in front of me. Here's some background. I knew this woman before my boyfriend and I started dating. Over a year ago, she told a group of my classmates in me that she was interested in him. She also talked about how his former girlfriend didn't like her because she would flirt with him. She told us that she would always try to find ways to touch him. She wasn't aware that I was also interested in him at the time. I've noticed lately that she's been very touchy with him, picking things off of him, touching his legs,

trying to put her legs in his lap, poking him, and these are not the only ways she flirts with them. Thankfully, the flirting is one-sided. My boyfriend always pushes her touching away, and he doesn't convey any interest in her, but I'm stuck as to what I should do. I haven't discussed any of this with my boyfriend, and I'm not sure that he's aware of what she's doing. What's the best way for me to approach this situation? Thank you for your time, signed an irritated girlfriend. Well, guys are clueless generally. Well, not generally. A lot of times guys are clueless, but in this case, Jason, I don't know what you think, but he knows. Oh, he totally knows. Absolutely he knows. He knows. I always try to give guys, well, everyone, the benefit of the doubt

on this stuff, especially guys, because I think we're often pretty dense, myself included, but I really think he knows here. First, he pushes her away. So he knows something is up and something's not appropriate. It's not just, oh, she's interested in me and I'm not interested in her. Let me push this away. It's, I'm going to push her away because my girlfriend is here and she's gonna get pissed. Like, he knows. His ex has already brought this up. So if she's interested in him and it's literally been years, she's probably already thrown a Hail Mary or two and communicated her interest and been rebuffed and had a couple drinks one night and said, hey, you know, what's going on? Or tried to kiss him or something. And he said, no, it's not like that. And she's like, oh, I just had too much alcohol.

I guarantee you something like that has happened in the past few years. How many people wait that long and drop subtle hints, not many. Also, if the ex-girlfriend was annoyed with him, and with this woman because she was doing that stuff way back before you even got together, then the ex-girlfriend likely also brought this up and said something, and he just went like, no, it's not like that, it's totally cool. So he knows, even if he's in denial. I just don't believe for a second that he's that oblivious. And even if he were that oblivious, somebody has told him before, namely his ex, and he just doesn't listen. So you have to ask yourself, why are they friends? Here's my theory. She makes him feel good. She makes him feel attractive. And look, that's okay

in some ways. But what is not okay is that there is a likelihood, a near certainty that this girl is jealous and would sabotage your relationship at a moment's notice in order to steal your man if she thought she had a chance. You don't need someone like that all up in your business or trying to get a foot in the door with your partner. Nothing about that is healthy for you, nothing about that is healthy for your relationship or really for any party, as there's a woman who is dealing with some unrequited love and seemingly not taking the hint and doesn't respect your relationship or his boundaries. I would actually ask him why they're friends and how he would feel if he were in your shoes, maybe even your ex's shoes if you want to sort of put it on in that

term. Also, ask him if he thinks it's good for your relationship. Hey, do you think it's good for our relationship that so-and-so is always putting the legs on you and it's making you know me annoyed just like it made your ex-annoyed do you think it puts stress on your previous relationship as well the answer is going to be yes and he's going to know that because what you can't do here you can't forbid him from seeing her or any sort of wacky controlling girlfriend type stuff or this will just get worse blow up in your face make you into the bad guy if you can have him go through the process the thought process of putting himself in your shoes and possibly in his ex's shoes, he may come to see why this woman is bad news for any relationship he will ever be in

that is not with her, namely a woman that he's clearly not even interested in. This is going to be bad for him forever unless he ends up with her. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. Sometimes guys are really thick-headed, but often we're just more insecure than we are thick-headed, and maybe you can help him see the light here. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Oh, well, you know, so-and-so is the only girl that's always there for me when my other relationships go south.

And then it's like, well, yeah, but the other half of that sentence is, Angela's the only other girl or whoever she is. She's the only girl who's there for me when my relationships go south because she's the one helping my relationships all go south to her behavior. And I'm enabling that. Like, that's what you need to get him to realize. And if he doesn't get it, you get to decide what's next. But sometimes that means moving on to a guy who's maybe more self-aware, maybe who's more

emotionally mature when it comes to himself and his relationships, more respectful of his partner's very reasonable feelings when it comes to these kinds of things. This just might be a lesson he has to learn the hard way. All right, next up. Hey there, Jordan and team. I have friends that when something happens between us, they give me the silent treatment, which I highly dislike, and I'm the type of person to want to get things settled and out of the way for the sake of the friendship.

Yet when I try to talk it over, they say they don't want to talk about it or they ignore me. Am I in the wrong here to want things fixed and not want things to worsen? Or are they in the wrong here? Plus, when people say they need time, how much time should I give them? When would it be considered safe or a good time to check back in? Or should I just forget it and expect the other person to eventually come around? Thanks, signed the impatient one. Okay, so are you in the wrong to want things to get fixed and not get worse?

No, I'm like that, so of course I think that's the right way to handle things. That said, some people do need to cool off. They don't want to work themselves up even more, and they need time to process. I hate that. It annoys me. But yeah, I respect it. I have to respect it, and so do you. That said, if these people are just being dramatic, your friends, or they're giving you

the silent treatment, and I don't want to talk to you right now, that sounds really immature, it sounds really dramatic, it's silly and it's counterproductive. Ain't nobody got time for that. When people say they need time, give them a few hours, give them a few days, if it's a really big deal, it depends on them. You'll figure out where this is with each of your close relationships. For me, if I'm angry, I need like five minutes. If I'm super angry, I need maybe 10 minutes.

For other folks, they need a day, they want to sleep on it. I know some people who say they can't talk to me for a week if they're really mad. Guess what? I'm not friends with those people anymore because they're ridiculous drama queens. And again, ain't nobody got time for that. Many people will be embarrassed or consider the issue finished once they cool off. In my humble opinion, it helps to check back in with them in a non-confrontational way to make sure they're okay. So instead of saying something like, hey, are you still all bent out of shape because I ate your stupid Chinese food leftovers?

You should say, hey, I'm still feeling bad about making you angry the other day or this morning, whatever. Are we cool or do you still need some time? Of course, if you can make things right in a really obvious way, then do it. If you eat someone's pizza, buy them another stinking pizza, that should do it. You know, throw them an apology in a pizza. That should be the end of it, unless it's like the fifth time you've done that. To be honest, if you've got a lot of people around you pulling this whole silent treatment thing, you might want to evaluate the level of emotional maturity these people bring to the relationship.

I think a lot of people who do that are either young or they are in desperate, pathological need of attention. And it's just a massive energy suck. Look, if someone's doing this and they're not under 20 years old, that's ridiculous and immature. I cut these people out with a quickness because, Jason, can you guess why? That's right. Ain't nobody got time for that.

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Now let's hear some more of your questions here on Feedback Friday. All right, what else we got? Hi, Jordan. I'm leaving next Friday with my mother and sister for a two-week trip to Asia. I'm a 23-year-old female and my sister is 15. I'm excited but scared will kill each other because of my mom's high energy and ADHD. The only time we've traveled together, just us three, was Canada in 2017. My mom was constantly snoozing reminder alarms going off on her phone in restaurants,

getting only halfway through every thought before becoming sidetracked, and being so distracted by her phone or surroundings that locals were constantly having to dodge out of her way before she walked into them, which she never noticed. I'm typically a pretty calm and reserved person, and feeling disruptive really bothers me. My sister and I got very frustrated and started, admittedly, nagging her and even even physically pulling her out of people's way in an attempt to not be those dickish tourists. Eventually, she blew up and shouted at us about how we were ruining the vacation and no one was happy. All the problems we had on the trip are issues at home too, but ten times worse when abroad.

Do you have advice on how we can all stay sane and considerate of locals, or any tips on handling ADHD in stimulating environments? Thanks a lot. Signed, the self-conscious tourist. Wow. Well, okay. How annoying does your mom sound? Sorry, but holy cow, that makes me glad. I don't know anyone like that personally. I'm glad you have your sister to help you here, but it sounds like your mother is not only ADHD, but very oblivious to her own behavior.

I get being ADHD, but the least you can do when you're that hyperactive is to also be neurotic so that you can hyper self-manage. I kid. There's a lot here, including potentially taking your mom to a doctor and having her tested for ADHD or something like that, but it might be a bit late to teach you

old dog new tricks, so to speak, and you don't want to necessarily medicate your mom. A few things you can do here. One, and I love this idea, make a no phone rule when in restaurants and public places. Snoosing alarms that are bumping on. You know that, like, radar sound that. I hate that. I hate it when it goes off in my own house, let alone four times during a meal and everyone's looking at you.

It's so irritating and obnoxious and rude. Bumping into people, all that. That is so annoying for everyone. That's a big no-no. You can even get those little pouches that won't open, so if she can't sort of follow the rule or there's something going on, these pouches are called yonder, Y-O-N-D-R. Therefore, there's no E in there, Y-O-N-D-R. We'll link to it in the show notes.

I think these are more commercial grade. Therefore, like, you're going to see Dave Chappelle at the Apollo or something, and you have to put your phone in the case, but they're not going to take your phone. You just can't open the case. You just remember, you also have to follow the rule. yourself if you don't have phones. Could be fun to have a no phone trip, more or less, or phones only when needed,

but it sounds like that's going to be tough. I would throw them in the pouches, but you have to make sure they're on silent. The last thing you want is her stupid alarm going off, and then it's in a bag that you can't open. That's even worse than her snoozing the alarm. Maybe somebody like your sister or you holds everyone's phone.

Another thing that people do sometimes when I go out to dinner, have you ever done this, Jason? You put your phone face down on the table, you put it on silent or turn it off, put it on airplane mode. You put it face down on the table in a stack. And the first person who touches the phone, it's like they have to pay, but really you're not just not supposed to touch the damn phones. You ever do that?

Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. The first person to touch the phone pays for everybody. It's a good one. And there's always somebody who can't hold it and breaks. And then it's like, hey, cool, free dinner. Yeah. The other thing you could do, and this is kind of sneaky, just steal her SIM card when she's not looking before you go out.

But you'll still get the alarm. That's the problem with that. But she's also going to be in Asia, so they might not even have good signal anyway. So maybe this is a good time to have a cell-free trip. Yeah, I mean, the only problem is she gets lost and then she can't use the dang phone. And then it's like, you took my SIM card and I got kidnapped by ISIS. You know, like, damn it. Can't win.

Tasha Eurek from a couple weeks back, her episode, she had some great tips on helping other people become more self-aware. So definitely have a listen to that. Well, also to make yourself more self-aware. Have a listen to that. Grab the worksheets. maybe even listen with your mom and with your sister, do the exercises as a family. I think it'll be fun, that is, if your idea of fun is pointing out your mother's flaws. And let's be honest, everyone loves doing that.

Who doesn't love doing that? If pointing out flaws in your mother and parents is wrong, I don't want to be right. Seriously, though, it does sound super irritating, and I feel for you. I think this is one of those things that will be hard to control. But getting rid of the phone sounds like it would be a step in the right direction. Just remember, if she does it, you have to do it. do it as well, even though you're not the one running into strangers 15 times on the way to Starbucks in the morning. It's like reverse parenting somehow. It just might work. And let me

know how your trip goes. All right, Jason, what's next? Hello, Jordan. I would first like to say how grateful I am for you and your various podcasts and interviews that I've heard. They have been incredibly helpful in my life professionally and personally. I have three brothers. I'm from Arkansas, so it's complicated, and I'm the second oldest, but I've often been in the position of being the oldest as far as success and maturity. This kind of sucks for me because I need advice and guidance, but I generally have no one to turn to. Not really a solid father or male mentor situation either. You're basically the big brother that I wish I had. Anyways, thank you, truly. I would like your advice on getting through grad school. I feel like I'm very intelligent, hardworking, and

skilled socially, but I've had a tough time finding balance here. I tend to either be too social or personal and my work tends to take a hit. Or I'm too involved in school or research and my social life takes a hit. What would you recommend for a successful balance? Also, any other advice on being successful in school would be very much appreciated. Although I'm really skilled in statistics and computer-related skills, I'm not a huge fan of being on my computer all the time. I tend to prefer schmoozing activities because I like being around and talking to people. Should I invest more time in this arena? Kindly, unbalanced at university. Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm Happy to be a role model if we can use that term very loosely and pat myself on the back a little.

This is going to be controversial, but I worked way too hard in school. I worked way too hard in school. Don't get me wrong, you should work hard in school, but I did virtually no socializing, or I should say nowhere near enough socializing. What many people don't tell you is that college, especially at the graduate level, is all about connections and network formation. In fact, undergraduate and graduate level. It's all about connections and network formation. Yes, you need competency, you need to pass your courses, you need to get that degree, you need good grades if you're going to get accepted to a PhD program or get job opportunities at the base level. But truthfully, most of those benefits and the best of the other opportunities you'll get from schooling or education,

they go to those with the strongest connections and the strongest networks. So if you'd rather build relationships and build those skills and you're good at it or you want to get good at it by all means, I say go for it. Many people at advanced levels of study actually lack social skills. They tend to be poor networkers and poor relationship developers, which actually disadvantages them

later in their lives and later in their careers, and early in their careers, for that matter. If you're able to gain a base level of credibility, accreditation, education, earn the degree, gain fluency and competency in your area, but then you turn what most people dread networking, an area where most people are weak into your strongest competitive advantage, you'll have a ton of benefits. When I got hired at the law firm, I've told this story a million

time, so I'll keep it short. But when I got hired on Wall Street at my law firm, the guy who hired me, Dave, he was one of the youngest partners, and I asked him why he was never in the office, because I thought working from home would be awesome and probably stopped me from getting fired. He told me he wasn't necessarily home. He was out generating business for the firm. So not only did make partner earlier and make more money than everyone else. When the firm was going under, he actually left and became a partner at another firm. And many partners at the firm that went under, they couldn't get other jobs because they didn't have a book of business. So they weren't really bringing in any value to other law firms, which is a huge problem. So it's job security. It helps

you make more money. The skill, the trade that you're in, that's going to earn you money. It's going to get you a job, but really the best people in jobs or companies like that are people that not only have a base level of skill, but also can generate business for whatever organization that they're in, law firm, private practice, even academia. If you're the, tell you this, if you're the professor that's out speaking everywhere and getting invited tons of conferences and getting paid to speak at Apple, LinkedIn, Facebook about your work, you are probably making a hell of a lot more money than somebody who is in their writing research papers all the time. It depends on the industry,

but generally those people have a much, much sweeter deal. Because if they leave all that prestige and benefit that they're bringing to their university goes somewhere else, so often they can say things like, yeah, give me a three-year sabbatical so I can go speak and write a book, and I get to keep all the fees and money from that stuff. I mean, there's a lot more leverage that you have

versus just teaching intro political science or whatever it is that you're studying. So yes, you should invest in the academic area if you enjoy it. You should definitely invest in the networking and relationship development area if you enjoy it. And you don't outright screw up your academics. I've tried the balance the other way, academic heavy, and it did nothing for me in terms of career prospects. Again, you don't want to fail. You don't want to blow out your chances of getting a degree or a job. But once you hit that minimum threshold of like, all right, I'm getting being.

B minuses or whatever sort of like B plus on these things, I don't need to be the best one ahead of the class, then you can move on. In the end, I even got my job out of law school where I worked my butt off, graduated in like the top third of the class. Nobody cared. The way I got my job was a buddy of mine handed his resume to his boss's boss, and that guy happened to be like my friend's friend's roommate from back in undergrad. He handed my resume in.

I got an interview when I didn't have one scheduled. they flew me to New York. He put in a good word for me. And since I had essentially passing grades at law school, I got hired on Wall Street. It had almost nothing to do with my grades, other than the grades I had were decent enough so that they knew I could do the work when I got in the door. That was it. So yeah, focus on that. You might even be the only person in your class that has a modicum of social skills and a good network. That's a massive advantage instead of being like one of the 15 people that got straight A's. grades are a lot less of a differentiator than a network, which is unique to you. Now, if you're not doing six-minute networking, highly recommend you do that, put that into practice

in your academic institution and in the job search. Go to Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. It's free and designed to help you get good at this stuff. All right, next up. Hello, team. I'm a self-employed businessman who works in a variety of areas, one of which includes the field of youth sports. I work for a small company year-round that hosts events and publishes me

on the athletes that we work with. While I have my own enterprises, the work I do for this company makes up the bulk of my month-to-month income. The work is fine, but the problem that I have is getting paid on time. This company is small with only four employees that work year-round. The head of the company is a close friend of mine, and I've known him for over 15 years. He was even in my wedding, and I consider him a close confidant. I was there at the beginning when he started the company, and a few years later, he hired me on full-time to work alongside him. He's empowered me to build my own brand and has done countless things to help me prosper over the years. I send him a standard invoice at the end of each month, and he pays me by check.

Lately, I've had to follow up my email with a text message several days later to arrange pickup of my check. Aside from checks being cumbersome in the year 2020, waiting on him to cut the check is annoying. Typically, I have to work around his schedule as to when it's convenient for me to go to his house to pick up the check, or have him leave the check in a secure location for pickup. Furthermore, constantly having to initiate the conversation about getting paid via text message is beginning to feel demeaning. Perhaps I'm being oversensitive, but I feel like I'm having to beg for the money that I'm owed. Money isn't an issue with the company.

Revenue comes in through a variety of channels throughout the year, so I know this is not a warning bell about the company being in financial trouble. And, my friend, the company president, is not afraid to show off his lavish wardrobe on social media either. The money is clearly there. So how do I bring up this issue without being whiny? Is there something deeper going on here? Or does my boss simply lack any self-awareness? He's a good friend. Conversations that would be standard in other professional realms are a little more awkward in my situation. Signed,

just cut the check. Yeah, so this is not cool. First off, who pays by check? He needs a payroll company or just at least use ACH transfers or something. Is he too cheap to do this? Because yeah, it costs some money, but it's not that much for a payroll of money. for people. If he is cheap, that's not good because there's withholding and taxes and all that stuff. Is he calculating that right if he's not using a payroll company? I mean, that's kind of annoying to do on your own. I don't really understand here. You should ask how that's being handled so that you don't end up on the hook for a bunch of taxes. Is he withholding and then cutting you a check? Like, what's going on? That is so weird. And also, is this a hand cut check?

I'm just sure. This is bizarre, to be honest. Our company has a small handful of contractors and employees and we don't even use checks. It's actually more annoying and more trouble than auto draft, ACH, payroll. Also, you are not being, no one is being whiny about asking for money that you are owed for your job. The very fact that you asked me this makes me wonder if you're being made to feel that way deliberately by your boss. Maybe he's just less organized. Maybe he likes to keep tight control of his company funds and feels like he can't trust payroll companies or something. But there's a part of me that wonders if he gets off on forcing you to ask repeatedly for your money and then making you jump through logistical hoops in order to get it.

You say he's a friend and a nice guy, so maybe I am reading into this too much, but there's something here that sounds a little, like maybe it could be controlling. Again, I don't have enough evidence to make that accusation for real. It's just something to be aware of. Like, is he constantly, oh, hey, sorry, I'm not going to be there after all. Oh, hey, sorry, hey, can you do this now, you know, it's hard to see if someone's getting off on control, but if this is happening repeatedly, it's like, well, okay, are you disorganized or is this a control issue? Do you have a complex that's going to be annoying? Does he do it with other things other than your money? You say he's a friend, so professional conversations might be awkward. Honestly, if he's a friend, conversations about

money should be easier, not harder. Friends care about each other. He should be open to your concerns both as a friend and also as a professional who happens to be your employer. If I were you, I would insist on a better form of payment. In fact, he can pay you using Venmo, he can pay you using PayPal, he can pay you using ACH. These are super easy to set up, and I would insist on it. There's absolutely zero reason you should have to do this rigmarole every two weeks or every month, and I think you should put your foot down when it comes to this. There's just no reason for it. Jason, And has this ever happened to you? Has anybody ever dragged you through this bull crap?

Systematically like this, not as much, but as a contractor, I do get jerked around quite often. I do have to say you guys pay instantly via ACH, and it is very pleasant, very pleasant. But he can also do things like instead of just handing him an invoice, he can use something like fresh books that has automatic nudge detection built in. So if they don't check the invoice or if they look at the invoice and they don't pay it over a certain amount of time, it will send them the email saying, hey, and then after a certain amount of time, you can tack on another like 5% late fee. And inside of that, you can actually have them pay by credit card or now ACH. So there's all sorts of ways that you can do this.

But yeah, this is, I don't know. I mean, I just kind of get the feeling it's a dick move. I do too. Yeah, we pay right away. One, we plan for it, we budgeted for it. And two, there's just no reason somebody who works with you for you should wait for their money because you're too late. Well, I got paid, so I don't give a crap if other people get paid.

Like, how selfish are you? You know, there's disorganized where it's like, oh, shoot, yeah, payroll, my bad. You have very few obligations to your employees other than being a good manager and paying them on time is like the top of that list. So what the hell kind of boss are you if you can't even pay people on time? There's a big part of me that thinks this guy knows. This isn't like, oh, man, sorry, I'm more of an artist than a businessman. My bad, I forgot again. It's like maybe once a quarter.

Oh, shoot, sorry. my kid got really sick and I forgot to run payroll. Even that's ridiculous because it's like the one thing you have to do at the same time every two weeks or every month. I just don't buy it. I think this is deliberate. I think the guy likes feeling in charge and having other people beg for their money because it makes him feel like a big man. And he probably doesn't like that part of himself. So he doesn't act like that in a lot of other ways. But I can't believe that there's anybody who does this consistently that's not deliberately being an asshole. Yeah. Seriously, I'm a one-man shop. I have I have a one-man corporation, and I have a bookkeeper that once a month handles payroll for me.

It costs me a few bucks, but he puts in all the paperwork, does the ACH transfer between the bank accounts, and pays my taxes, you know? And it's like under $100 a month per employee. I think I literally pay $25 to have him do it for my one employee. And you just set up with a bookkeeper. They'll take care of this stuff. You know, systematize it. We'll be right back with more feedback Friday right after this.

Thank you for supporting the show. your support of our advertisers keeps us going and keeps us on the air. To learn more and get links to all the great discounts you just heard, visit jordanharbinger.com slash deals. Now back to the show for the conclusion of Feedback Friday. All right. Last but not least. Hello, what are some tips for someone without a college degree going into interviews for entry-level corporate jobs? I've been working as a personal trainer for the last two years and have two years of gym sales and management experience before that. I'm willing to work hard for a career. with long-term earning growth potential, but I'm hesitant about investing thousands of dollars in years of my life in a college degree, since many of my friends with degrees are making less than I am already. All feedback is appreciated. Best wishes, signed New Horizons. True, many jobs require degrees, and many do not. Some of the highest paid jobs in any industry, such as sales jobs, don't usually require a degree. So if you start at a company and you move up,

they'll often pay for you to go to school in the evening or whatever to get a degree so that you can move forward if they're really rigid in that requirement. So no worries on the financial investment in that case because the company pays for it. I would go that route and not get some random, possibly worthless degree, spend the money, spend the time just to get a few letters that you may not even need or that a company would later pay for you to obtain. These companies won't even interview you most of the time, almost any of the time. almost any of the time, if you don't meet basic qualifications.

So if you're sitting there getting an interview because they called you after you applied, they know you don't have a degree. I wouldn't waste one single second worrying about whether or not that's going to be an issue. I wouldn't waste a single second going, oh, man, am I less competitive than the guy's sitting next to me because I don't have this degree? It doesn't really matter unless you're getting turned down for everything. And they're saying, look, you don't have a degree and that's the biggest problem. I think you're going to be fine.

And best of luck out there, man. Work experience beats academic qualification any day for pretty much every industry, especially sales, unless they tell you otherwise. And most of the time, they'll tell you otherwise before you come in the door. They don't want somebody sitting there wasting HR time, wasting the boss and management time. And then it's like, oh, you don't have a degree? Well, this meeting is over. Bye.

They don't want to waste their time. They would tell you initially, sorry we're not hiring, or you don't meet the basic qualifications, or we're looking for people with a degree. If you're in the door, you're in the door. forget everything else and just crush the interview and show them what you can do. A lot of times they'll hire the best person for the job and then they'll go, hey, look, look, you can't move up in two years because you don't have a degree. We're going to send you to such and such local university.

We're going to put you on the two-year advanced executive what you may call it MBA program and you're going to have to go three days a week and do that just to get the letters and then we can promote you. They're going to figure out a way to handle it. That is what they want to do as a company. They're not in the business of trying to stifle your growth because you didn't go to college 20 years ago or 10 years ago. That's not what's good for them and it's not what's good for you and your incentives are aligned here. So I wouldn't waste a single minute worrying about this at all.

Pro tips of the week. We have two because some people don't have kids. So the first one, if you have kids, instead of always telling your child what to do, give them two options with the same outcome to prevent the headache of having them refuse the task. Works better on younger children, let me be clear. For example, instead of telling them to put on their pajamas for bed, ask them which pajamas they want to wear to bed tonight. This works better because kids love having control over what they are doing. So you can give them a choice, but the choice that's being made for them, the assumptive clothes,

is that they're going to wear pajamas to bed. Is it going to be trucks or Star Wars they get to choose? So they feel like they have agency. They're not just going to start kicking and screaming and not want to go to bed at all, some of the time. Again, with kids, some of the stuff works some of the time. Then that's kind of the best we can do, especially with little kids. If you don't have kids, our tip for you is be an airport hero. Bring a power strip with you to use at airports.

It doesn't have to have a six-foot extension cord. There are small ones that have maybe three or four outlets. They're really tiny. Bring that with you to use at airports. You'll never have to wait for an outlet to be available again. You can literally walk up to somebody who's plugged in. Ask if you can unplug their stupid iPhone, which has probably been charged. for the last five hours, and then plug your power strip in, plug their phone in,

plug your computer and phone in, and you're good to go. That's been extremely helpful for me at busy airports, because no one's going to say no to you unplugging them just to plug them right back in, and then you can set up shop. You don't have to wait for somebody who's been sitting there for eight hours, or, you know, works there and is on break or something like that, and your phone and computer are dead. You can get right to work. Recommendation of the week, the weekly from the New York Times on Hulu, each half hour,

episode features the Times journalist investigating something pretty interesting. I knew about this, but I didn't watch it because I thought it would be stupid political stuff. I just can't stand. And some of it is, but most of it is not. There's one about when Mexican forces came to arrest the son of El Chapo. Do you remember this, Jason? Where they went to go arrest El Chapo's kid, there was this street war on the streets of Kulia Khan, and the military lost the battle to the cartel. Yeah, this was pretty big in the news. It was, it's amazing. Yeah, the cartel rolled in. What happened was, and the weekly goes through the whole thing,

how the Sinaloa drug cartel took on the whole freaking Mexican army in one. They used all this video, eyewitness accounts. What happened was they arrested Al Chapo's kid, and he told them to back off the cartel, but they weren't listening because they knew that he was going to have to do that. And the cartel surrounded the whole city, rolled in with, like, armored vehicles, mounted machine guns, everything. They had hundreds of people.

They set up roadblocks at strategic checkpoints. They hijacked cars. They made bridges impassable. It was insane. And then the coup de grace was they rolled the cartel trucks into a military base and occupied a military base that had housing for families of soldiers. And they said, we're going to burn down the entire housing complex unless you let him go. And the army was like, we're out. Those are our kids and wives.

We're done. So they quit. And the unfortunate result is now cartels know all they have to do is just threatened to kill a bunch of innocent civilians and light helms on fire, and all the resources are diverted to that and they get whatever they want. So Mexico is totally screwed, basically. Sounds like it. Sounds like it. Yeah. I feel bad for people living there right now, and I think for people who are going, ah, Mexico, what a dirt hole. It sucks to be them. I'm glad I live in America. You better believe that this stuff is going to spill over here.

Like, look, I don't think the Sina Lower Cartel is going to take on the U.S. Army and win. you better believe that places across the river like El Paso and stuff like that are going to get a nice whiff of some cartel violence if they haven't already. And speaking of cartel violence, Narcos Season 2, Mexico starts February 13th. I know you're a fan. I am a fan. Can't wait for that one. I'm a fan of fictional cartel violence.

Yes. Well, the best kind is fictional. Yes. So Narcos, the weekly on Hulu coming soon. The weekly's already out. Narco's coming soon. Hope you all enjoy that. I want to thank everyone that.

wrote in this week. A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at Jordan Harbinger.com. Quick shout out to Gareth Emery. He's a DJ. I don't know if anyone's heard of this guy, pretty damn famous. Anyway, I was stoked to hear from him. He loves the show. He wants to hang out in L.A. I love your music, dude. I'm a big fan of EDM. I was beyond stoked to hear from you, and I'm looking forward to doing more. Go back and check out the guests, Susan David, and John Tierney, if you haven't yet. If you want to know how I managed to have a network that includes Susan David, John Tierney, Gareth Emery, and other amazing folks. It's not just for the business.

It's for my personal life as well. I use systems. I use tiny habits. Check out our free course, six-minute networking. It's over at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. And look, don't do it later. Do it now. Dig the well before you get thirsty.

Once you need relationships, it's going to be hell-a-hard to make them when you need them. The drills take a few minutes per day. Ignore it at your own peril. Free at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at Jordan Harbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show. Videos of our interviews are at Jordan Harbinger.com slash YouTube. Jason?

You can check out my tech podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks. We discuss what went wrong on the internet and who's to blame, along with cybersecurity apps, gadgets, books, and more. That is, grumpy old geeks, wherever your favorite podcasts are sold. This show is created in association with Podcast One. This episode was produced by Jen Harbinger, edited by J. Sanderson. Show notes for the episode by Robert Fogarty. music by Evan Viola. Keep sending in those questions to Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com.

Our advice and opinions and those of our guests are their own. And yes, I'm a lawyer, but not your lawyer. So do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show. And remember, we rise by lifting others. So share the show with those you love and even those you don't. If you found this episode useful, please share it with someone else who can use the advice that we gave here today. We've got lots more in store for 2020 and very excited to bring it to you. In the meantime, Do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time. This episode is sponsored in part by Something You Should Know podcast. Finding a new great podcast shouldn't be this hard, so let me save you some time.

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