The Jordan Harbinger Show - 35: Transgender Networking in the Workplace | Feedback Friday

Episode Date: April 27, 2018

Jordan (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason (@jpdef) are back to banter every week and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday on The Jordan Harbinger Show! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now, let's dive in! On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Is there a way to encourage a significant other to work on him or herself without coming off as critical or patronizing? What if your friends are right and you really are an asshole? How should (and shouldn't) you open a cold conversation with a stranger on LinkedIn? How do you persistently remind a potential mentor you exist without being annoying? Why don't we have more women guests on the show? (Short answer: we'd like to! Please refer them our way!) Should being transgender change the way you network and develop social connections in the workplace? What's the best way to travel and explore the world as a social, immersed adventurer rather than a passive tourist? Recommendation of the Week: Trump: An American Dream Quick shoutouts to Don Hoekwater and Anthony Sandora! Swannies Giveaway winners: Christian and Kathleen! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. You can also find him on Instagram at JPD. Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course!  Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally! Full show notes and resources can be found here.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger. I'm here with producer Jason DePhilippo. Here on the Jordan Harbinger show, we love having conversations with our fascinating guests. And this week, we had Will Store talking about self-obsession in the age of the selfie and deep dive number four, the benefits of keeping that beginner's mindset. And of course, our primary mission is to pass along those guests and our experiences and insights along to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you. And that's what we're going to do today here on Feedback Friday.

You can reach us at Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. As always, we've got some fun ones and we got some doozies and I can't wait to dive in. Jason, what's the first thing we got coming out of the mailbag? Hi, Jordan. I'm 31 years old and I've been on an exciting path of self-improvement for the last several years. I listen to a lot of podcasts. I run my own business and I'm setting up another one. I'm also qualifying as a business and NLP coach.

Life hasn't always been peachy, though. I had a major life overhaul following a cancer diabetes. at 26 years old, grueling treatment and months of uncertainty. I also have some unhelpful beliefs I'm dragging behind me from my childhood. Given all of the above, I love self-help, and my life is so much better nowadays. I can't see ever stopping working on myself. My concern is my boyfriend. We've been together for over 18 months, and I do love him. His childhood was very rough, and he's bearing a lot of emotional scars, and he rarely opens up about it. He's had some therapy in the past, but it didn't help. He plays a fool, but is an intelligent man.

Unfortunately, his emotional intelligence is often lacking, which means I'm carrying a lot of the responsibility for both of us maintaining a healthy relationship. I suggested he start listening to podcasts and even downloaded some interesting ones for him, but he doesn't seem to want to improve himself, even though he knows very well he's got issues that would benefit from addressing. This will sound very selfish. When I start qualifying in business and NLP coaching, my own self-improvement will dramatically expand, but his won't. I'm concerned he will stay stuck in his ways and one day I'll start resenting. him as less of a person, less ambitious. My journey to better myself is my own, so I don't feel it's fair to force it on him, but I don't want to become a mother figure forever responsible for the health of our relationship. He can be insecure, and I don't know how to explain my concerns without

making it sound like an ultimatum. How can I encourage him to work on himself without criticizing him and shutting him down? Or do I just accept who he wants to be and focus on my own life? I would love for both of us to keep working on our relationship while we're working on ourselves, but how can I drag someone seemingly uninterested or unmotivated onto this journey with me. Thanks. Don't Don't want to be a drag. All right. Don't want to be a drag. People can be encouraged to find this type of self-development stuff, get interested in it, but the ego is going to resist. I'm not saying you have to be some sort of ego maniac to resist it. Everybody's got a little bit of ego when we find out, oh, we could get better at something. And somebody who has a rough childhood might have more ego

protection in place. Doesn't mean they're arrogant, but have more of a protection in place because of that childhood. So I would not tell him, this is for yourself betterment. You can listen together when you get a chance, maybe say, well, this is funny or this is entertaining or this is interesting, not because you need this or he needs this. This is just going to make him feel less than, which is actually probably a trigger for him, I bet, given his childhood. So in the end, we really can't force this stuff down someone's throat. I still find myself, resisting a lot of things. And I assume this is a lifelong process for most everybody. Jen will give me a piece of feedback for the show and I'll be like, I'm cranky about it up.

You have to be in the mindset to get feedback. And sometimes when you're in the car, you don't want to hear from somebody you love. Here's this thing that you need to get better at your life. And people grow apart is the other thing here. Look, it's very natural. We should expect this in in some way with every relationship. The difference is that some of the growing apart happens in areas that are not important to us, and some of the growth happens in areas that we consider deal breakers. For example, if I'm a huge fan of documentaries, which I am, and let's say I met my wife at some documentary conference sounds boring as hell, whatever, great, okay, cool. Maybe she stops liking documentaries, and I find myself watching alone at night while she reads

or she paints or something. No big deal. Now, let's say we're both fans of being healthy. We met at the gym, but then I start eating junk food every day. I stop working out. I get really unhealthy. I stop sleeping well. I start drinking. I start smoking. Now she's got to ask herself, is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? She's got to step back and be honest about this. So if we don't like documentaries, fine, not a big deal. We grew apart on that area. No big one. But if we're both into health and then we grew apart on this and suddenly my entire lifestyle is affected negatively and hers in turn, it's a tougher decision. And this is a decision that you're going to have to make here. I don't think it's going to be easy. But this is very important.

and it does need to be done or you risk a potentially a lifetime of potential unhappiness. That's no good. The other pattern you should explore is this. And this is sort of meta here, so forgive me. But you mentioned you have baggage and poor beliefs from childhood that you haven't really addressed. I'm betting, and this is, I'm just shot in the dark here, I'm betting you bring people like this current boyfriend into your life because of these beliefs and these patterns. I might actually start here if I were you. Maybe you don't believe that you deserve someone special or that you deserve someone high quality in your life.

So you're willing to put up with more crap than you really should. Or maybe you date men who don't actually deserve you. You didn't go into detail on this. I've just seen this so many times that I think it's worth mentioning. So keep in touch and let us know how it goes. I think you've got some introspection to do. And I don't think you should force your boyfriend to listen to the show. As much as I would love for everyone to force their boyfriend to listen to the show.

I don't think that's the answer. I think the goal lies in you examining your own patterns and seeing. if you're attracting people with his patterns into your life on a regular basis. Because otherwise, you could end up getting rid of this guy that you grew apart from and then just finding someone else who's kind of a clone. And then you can rinse and repeat this ad nauseum, and you're never going to solve the problem. Because the problem might just start with you.

All right, next up. Hi, Jordan. I'm often called an asshole by my peers. Admittedly, they're correct. It's not that I do mean or disrespectful things. I just always have a need to call something out without regard to someone's feelings. I speak before I think. I mean well, and I'm not doing it purposely to hurt anyone. My mom used to call me a smart ass, which is a result of the skepticism I often use in my humor. I also hate to lie. I have a hard time

complimenting someone when I know it's false. Even when I try to say the right thing, my facial expressions give my lie away. I hate this trait more than anything. It greatly affects my marriage and sometimes leaks into my work life. I'm 35 and have only recognized this in the past five years, which happens to coincide with when I got married. I probably got away with being an asshole growing up with older brothers and friends. How do I grow out of this behavior? Thanks, A-Hole. P.S., congrats on the new show. Almost thought we lost you guys. Oh yeah, not quite. We're still here. Still kicking. We are still kicking. So, listen up, A-hole. I feel you. It's not always about being honest or expressing yourself, though. These are your needs. This took me so long to figure out for myself, too. A lot of people are like,

I'm authentic, I'm honest, I'm blunt, I'm direct. Look, that's, that's about you. People think that's about being a good coach. Oh, I'm not doing any caretaking. No kid gloves, right? That's something that people do when they're trying to be like, oh, I'm done being a dormat. Or they're like, I think direct feedback is better. Very rarely is it about the person they're giving feedback to. It sort of seems like it is because you're like direct feedback is great. People develop better when they get that. That may be true, but this is about your needs when you start saying, I'm just, you're just, going to tell people what I think. Your problem, though, is that this is about other people or it concerns other people. In my opinion, going back to what your mom told you, it's better many times

to not say anything if you don't have anything nice to say unless you are asked for feedback. And even then, it should be given with consideration to someone's feelings. I spent years being Mr. Direct Guy. You know, I'm going to tell people, tell it like it is. I still do that sometimes, but really compassion goes a long way. It's going to go a long way to getting people to take your advice on board. It's going to go a long way to having healthy social connections. It really, there's no downside to being compassionate. I think it's a very amateurish look at coaching or feedback or being someone's colleague

to think that you've really got to dish it out and be harsh because otherwise they won't get the message. Next time you're interested in giving someone your honest opinion, ask yourself if the person is interested in feedback or if they they just want to vent their own emotions or their problems. Both of these things are okay. A lot of people go, well, if you're just going to vent, I don't want to hear it. That's not being a good colleague. It's not being a good friend. People need to vent.

It's called emotional support. It's a real thing. All right. And if you're not sure, literally ask them, hey, I'm not sure exactly what to do here. Are you venting or do you want some direct feedback? A lot of times people say, uh, sure, I guess I want some feedback. Still give it in consideration to their feelings because a lot of times they feel like they have to say they want feedback.

With your significant other, you should feel comfortable enough to say something like, yeah, I'm just venting. I don't really want feedback here unless you really see something. Generally, you don't need to give people feedback. You just don't. They already know. You really don't need to make your opinion known. Again, that's all about you.

If you ask them what they're looking for, this will help you know when your feedback is welcome and when your friend or colleague just wants to let something go and not get a stinking lesson in return. But like I said, I get you, man. I went through a phase like this. It lasted a long time. I got our reputation as a bit too brusk or brash. I was talking to a friend of mine who runs the Stacking Benjamin's podcast, which I was on recently. And he emailed me and he goes, oh, man, the show episode was so great.

People really like it. And he said he was grateful because he heard I was a bit of an a-hole from other people at this conference where we'd met. It was a few years back. And I guess I had that reputation because I probably was a bit of an a-hole a few years back. So I get it, man. But I also realize that more often than not, people, are not looking to grow. They're looking to vent, and that's okay, and it also has its value. So be a conduit for that as well as a conduit for valuable feedback when you are asked for it. And that

should go a long way to changing your reputation. All right, next up. Hey, Jordan, I had a question about LinkedIn etiquette. I've been trying to expand my network via the Connections tab on LinkedIn. I've connected to people I know personally, but is it okay to connect to strangers? And if I can, what topic should I open with to get the conversation going? I'm in the field of process technology, which is dominated by who you know in order to get a job. Any help would be appreciated, whether that be in messaging or, hell, maybe even a segment on a show. Thanks again for helping me improve myself. You help to change my life.

Thanks, Stranger Danger. Did you think of that name? Yeah. That's funny, man. You're good at the name thing. I'm so glad I don't have to think of these. Part of my job. Well, I'm glad I helped to change your life.

That's the whole name of the game here. Look, LinkedIn is one of the few places where the coldest of cold outreach is okay. Don't get me wrong. I still ignore tons of people on LinkedIn because they send me the dumbest pitches. But it's built into the system. Inmail is designed to reach out to people that you don't know in a professional way. So what I would do is I'd say, look, reach out with honest questions and intent. You're young, which is an advantage.

I looked up Stranger Danger here when he sent me this message. He's young. I think that's always a huge advantage. Start with messages to people asking about their job. Even something small to start, let them know you want to make connections and find out more about the field and the opportunities in the field. When you reach out, do not ask for a job of any kind. Don't. Don't do it.

You might be tempted. Don't do it. Internships are jobs. Don't ask for one of those either. Offer to take them out for coffee. Go to someone's office for coffee if that's more convenient. You're doing this on their time. You're doing it in their logistics.

You can also jump on the phone if they're too far away or if they're sketched out about meeting you for some reason. Ask them for light advice, not favors, light advice when you meet. Have your questions prepped in advance as well. What I mean by light advice is, okay, so you're a design engineer here at Apple. If I wanted to become a design engineer here at Apple, should I start by applying to Apple or should I start by applying to design engineering positions at other companies first? is it better to have experience and go directly to design engineering at Apple, or is it better to start at Apple and then make my way to design engineering? That kind of question. Not, hey, can you hook me up with a job in design engineering? Not do you know anyone who's hiring for a job in design engineering? None of that stuff. And none of that, well, so, oh yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Hmm, do I have any other questions? Yeah, this, da, da, da, have them written down. You don't have to follow the list, but nothing's going to make someone feel like they wasted their time more than 15 minutes of small talk while you rack you. your brain for what you should say next. I know that's probably obvious, but when I see the questions written out in front of the person, I feel like they showed up prepared. So you can put the questions

on paper. In fact, don't put them on your phone because then it just looks like you're looking at your phone. Write them down on paper. Take some notes on paper. I know you can say that you're taking notes on your phone. It still just looks like you're texting to me. Follow up with them a month or so later. Let them know how you applied their advice. Hey, your advice to apply for design. engineer positions at startups really worked out well. I'm looking at this place, this place, this place. I got a callback from this place, this place, and this place. So just wanted you to know that everything you told me worked out really well. That's how someone can get an opportunity because they might say, hey, do you know about our summer program?

Or, oh, I actually know some people that work over at that startup you applied to that used to work here at Apple. Let me call them and see what the deal is. Or let me throw in a good word. Or they might not even say that and they might do it for you anyway. Also, add all these contacts that you're making to something like contactually or which we'll link in the show notes or another CRM and stay in touch with them every quarter just make a little reminder 90 days follow up with them if you do this every other week or so you're in the field of process technology you're going to know half the people that work in your field especially in your area within a few years which is a huge advantage if you ever need another opportunity in your industry and you're that well connected

man you're going to have smooth sailing i'm telling you so put this stuff into action and let us know how it goes. And if you're interested in this type of networking, outreach sort of thing, at advancedhumanidynamics.com slash level one. Advancedhumandynamics.com slash level one. I made a bunch of videos about stuff like this and about networking and keeping people engaged and using systems and it's free. Just go check it out. Advanced Human Dynamics.com slash level one. All right, next up. Hey, Jordan and Jason. I'm a 23-year-old basketball trainer. Over the last few months, I've started to build a relationship with a well-known coach in my area. He expressed interest in having me come by and help run some workouts for his players, which would be a huge opportunity for me to potentially come on to their staff for the following season.

This was a couple months ago that he mentioned this. Within the last few weeks, I've reached out to him twice with no response, and I'm now wondering why he's not answering back. I don't think there's anything I did that would have turned him away, but it bothers me because I really wanted the opportunity to work with his coach and his program. He's been very generous with his time and knowledge, and the network I'd be exposed to could catapult my career. Do you have any advice on how I can rectify the situation? Also, I realize how this may sound a bit desperate. So how can I prevent myself from being reliant on a certain option in any area of my life in the future? Thanks for all you do, signed Anxious Athlete.

Yeah, I get it, man. Having your eggs in one basket's really scary. And I know the cliché is, of course, don't keep your eggs all in one basket. Sometimes you just don't have any more baskets. Damn it. Sometimes you're basketless. Yeah, you're basketless. And the basket you have is holes in it.

And that's life. It happens. It's great if you can create a lot more opportunities for yourself. And I recommend people do that. I'm going to show you how. Of course, that's what we do here. But I also get having one basket or having none. So what I advise is push gently but persistently until you hear a no.

Follow up. Look, you're selling yourself. This is a sale. People are busy. When I worked at Sirius XM satellite radio, I met some kid at a party, and this kid was like, oh, you work there? Can I come in and check out what you do? Because he was going to school for radio.

And I said, sure. Here's my email. I go every Friday. You're going to have to ask me a few days in advance. I can get you a pass. And I'm really busy. So if you don't hear from me or if you do, but we don't make it happen, keep reminding me because we're off for the next three weeks and I'm busy and then I'm traveling.

and he asked me once and I said I'm off this week but ask me again next week and the week after and I'll figure it out and I didn't hear from him again and I thought what the hell come on man I think he might have asked me one other time and then I said oh I'm so sorry I'm already on the way there hit me up the next time hit me up on Thursday we'll make it happen I'll set up a meet he just never did it so here's the thing you don't know if this guy's not interested you don't know if he found someone else. You don't know if you're in his spam folder. You don't know if somebody in his office secretly hates you and he's running your life on purpose or whatever. You just don't know. Don't you think it'd be helpful to find out? Wouldn't you like to know? Oh, you know what happened,

man? Anxious athlete, I hired a kid that I was working with and I filled the position. I'm so sorry. I did see your email. I meant to get back to you. Or, you know, actually I went and checked you out and you have the same name as five other people, one of whom has a criminal record. Which one are you? You know, do you want to straighten that out or what? Right? Or, oh, yeah, yeah, I do want to hire you. I lost your email. I couldn't find it because I lost all my email and I want to hire you for tomorrow and I just

thought I was not going to be able to reach. You just don't know. Don't lose sleep over this. Follow up and find out what the hell is going on so you can improve the situation or get the darn job. In order to never have to be relying on a certain option, though, you need to cultivate more options and more opportunities. And of course, this involves networking.

It involves outreach. It involves network maintenance, which we cover often on the show, and of course, which I also cover at advancedhuman dynamics.com slash level one, which I will not say again because I feel like I'm beating it to death right now. But check that stuff out. Get after it, and you'll find plenty of opportunity. In the meantime, figure out what happened with this one. Don't be shy. All right, next up. Dear Jordan, I enjoy your podcast and have learned some interesting tips on improving my life and social skills. What bugs me is how few women you have on the podcast. It didn't bother me at first. but I can't help but notice how few inspirational women you get on the show. Being a girl studying aerospace engineering in the Netherlands, a study and field in which less than 10% is female, I'm a bit lost for role models. It would mean a lot to me if influential podcasts like yours brought on more female leaders. I also think this could be an opportunity for you to broaden the lessons you're providing with the many interesting insights women can

provide. I truly hope you'll try to remember that many among your demographic could benefit from some strong female role models. In the meantime, I'll just seek out my own and hope you will join me in that search. I do admire your podcast and think you're changing the world for the better. Keep it up. Best regards, Rocket Woman. So this question, I get this here and there, and I always find it interesting that people assume that I'm deliberately not having that many women on the show.

First of all, we actually have had a lot of women on the show. Not enough for sure. But I'll tell you, I actually get turned down by a lot of women. Well, story of my life, right? But we get turned down by a lot of women. Seriously. Oh, don't bring me into this. No, that's all you, man.

All right. Fine. But I've asked so many scientists, business people, politicians, lawyers, surgeons. So often the women don't have time. They don't reply. They won't do the show because they're working on projects. And they'll often refer me to men in their office to do the show instead. Or they'll do the show, but they only have 20 minutes for me or something like that.

Trust me, I would love this. Send them my way, but it's not that we don't search for or even find the ones we want. It's on them, which I think is strange, honestly. That said, I hope now that our branding has evolved with the new show, we can get even more great women on the program. It's not easy to book guests in general. It's really hard when the women are maybe less interested. And I think part of this, honestly, is women in high-powered positions. They have a lot more that they have to prove because of the way that things have been.

forever so they might actually be busier than a lot of the guys and they might seek out less glory than i think there's there's a inherently hardwired thing where guys are like yeah i want some spotlight it's maybe maybe an ego thing maybe women have less of a need for that generally speaking it's hard for me to say i really can't speculate all i can tell you is that we are looking and sometimes we just get told no if i ask 10 men and 10 women nine of the guys will say yes and two of the women or one might say yes. It's going to be tricky. It just always has been. It's always been that way. Next up. Dear Jordan and friends, I'm a transgender woman. When I began my transition, an older woman took me out for coffee. She told me the best way to conduct myself for my own safety

during my professional career was to be strictly professional and as anonymous as possible. I've come to interpret this as focusing on technical skills rather than social skills for career advancement and recognition. This seems smart, considering the lack of social capital and bias against most people in my situation. I've now worked my way up the ladder enough that I can start affecting good changes for those who will come after me. But I'm frightened to pursue networking with the kind of social dynamism your podcast encourages. I'd like to do the networking that you often describe, but I'm worried about losing my current social standing and the good that I can do. On the other hand, I believe I have a responsibility to help the next generation. Is there a way

I can have my cake and eat it as well? Is there any way I can limit blowback while still developing my influence? Regards, frightened, but paying it forward. All right. Frightened, but paying it forward. I see what your colleague was trying to do, taking half for coffee, tell you to keep your head low. I do not think this was great advice.

I think this is her opinion. Maybe it was good advice at the time in that industry. I don't know. But my opinion, my advice, is that you can't and should not hide. Not only should you be proud of who you are, of course, in both of your personal and professional life, but it's going to be more limiting for your career. than just being you, even if some people don't like you because you're transgender.

Hiding is always, always, always going to results in fewer connections, fewer social capital than the occasional bigot who doesn't like you or somebody that you make uncomfortable that you later win over because that's how humans are. Here's your choice. Hide forever at work, limit your career, or screen in the right people and the right opportunities. In the end, people who don't like you or won't hire you or promote you for who you are, on the wrong side of history.

Further, being transgender is probably not as career limiting as hiding in the workplace. So I really think that, look, you've done it so far. It served you well, but you're, you are going to plateau. This is classic. I see this all the time. People in middle management positions, depending on where you are. I don't know if you're there, but people in the middle of the corporate world, once it starts to become about relationships who you know, creating those connections,

you're limiting yourself by not taking advantage of this. and what's really a shame is a lot of people who limit themselves, they don't know how to do it or they're shy. It doesn't sound like either of those. It sounds like you're hiding because you're worried that some grandpa is going to go, what? I don't understand how she's a woman and she used to be a man. That's crazy.

Who cares about those people? I know you have to care at some level, but give me a break. If you want to learn how to network, I know I said I wasn't going to do this. I said it wasn't going to do it, Jason. But go to advancedhuman dynamics.com slash level one. Go through those networking drills. shake off the rust on some of this and get out there. I think you've got to make up for lost time.

I don't think you have to do it in a way that's going to make anybody else uncomfortable. And those who find themselves uncomfortable by virtue of just who you are, Tough Kishka. Tough Rocks. That's their problem. Last but not least, Jason, take it away. Hi, Jordan, Jason, and team. I'm planning a trip to Italy for three weeks to conclude with a long weekend in Germany

to visit a close friend and celebrate my 30th birthday. A few years ago, I went through the process of getting my Italian, citizenship and made a commitment to myself to visit by the time I turned 30. I was raised on a healthy diet of travel around the country with regular road trips to the Upper Peninsula in the middle of the front seat of my dad's station wagon. I was fortunate enough to have studied abroad three times, high school, college, and law school for a month or more each time. So I'm especially looking for advice for a solo trip as a youngish adult. Sightseeing is all well and good, but I really enjoy meeting people, exploring and experiencing new places. With study abroad programs, there

an easy group to head out with, which made meeting people and looking out for each other easy. It seems like signing up for day tours or longer tours with a group might be a good way to meet people. While I imagine I'm overthinking this, I would appreciate any advice you can offer. Thank you, Flying Solo. Interesting. This is really cool. I didn't know you could apply for Italian citizenship growing up in the States.

Actually, I just found out recently that a friend of mine did this. It was like his grandparents, but I thought it was, I guess I really thought he just bribed somebody. But apparently there's a process that you can go through and get this. How do I become Italian? That's what I want a little EU passport. Let's make that happen. I totally get it. Sightseeing, all that stuff.

It's fine, but you kind of get this superficial view of the place. I recommend couch surfing. This couchsurfing.org is a nonprofit. It's a website. It's not just sleeping on people's couches. Before you go on your trip, sign up for couch surfing. You add some friends on there. You find people in the places where you're going.

reach out to them weeks or potentially months in advance, see if they're open for coffee or a drink, see if you can stay with some of them. That's the whole point is it's basically international strangers coming to crash. And it's a lot of young people. Everyone tends to be really cool. The takers, the negative sort of people that you don't want on there

tend to get filtered out pretty quick, especially there's testimonials for people. It's kind of like the OG Airbnb where no money changes hands. It's really cool. Couchsurfing.org. I highly recommend it. a great way to travel when you're young. You don't even have to stay with people.

You can just meet up with other people and hang out. And in any big city, there's usually a really big couch surfing community. Another thing you can do is volunteer. If you're going to go for a few weeks, you can volunteer on farms. You can volunteer to work at different types of nonprofits. I've done that in other countries as well. Finding those opportunities can be a little trickier. Now there's probably websites for it.

Back when I did it, I literally had to just cold call nonprofits and say, can I have a job? Can I have a job? Can I have a job? And half of them, you know, 90% didn't answer. And then one did. So I went to Mexico and they forgot I was coming. That was interesting. There are also longer tours you can do with a group, you know, something that's a week. You're going to be able to make friends. You're going to be able to hang out with those people before and after, depending on their travel schedule. Get something that's really flexible. Not a 10 hour a day bus tour, but maybe some walking tours or a cycling tour through the countryside. You're really going to bond with those people. It's going to be really fun. Walking through countries is awesome. If you're in

decent shape, I highly recommend doing something like that. Walking through Italy, walking through Germany, walking through Portugal. It's on my bucket list. Staying at a hostel is another way of doing this. You can stay at hostels. Usually there's group accommodation. If you're not into that, you can get a single room. But people hang out at hostels. They party at hostels. You're only 30, so the whole 27 get blackout drunk while in another country. You might not have outgrown that yet, which is cool. I can't do it because I just go crazy, but you can make friends at those hostels. Last but at least, take classes while you're in country, cooking classes in Italy. You can take any kind of pottery class, art classes in France, whatever it is.

You can do that stuff. You'll make friends there if it's a more involved class, not one hour, learn how to paint while drinking wine. I'm talking about a class that's a few hours a day where you're really learning a skill and you go back again the next day. you're going to meet maybe locals and possibly also other tourists and travelers doing it. That may depend on your language skills unless you can find something that is for tourists to do. I have a friend that actually teaches photography classes in Italy in different cities in the summers. Yeah, good idea. And it's a great way to meet people.

There's small classes like seven people and they bounce around to the entire city and you get history tours, you get food tours. But it's all wrapped in photography. So, you know, you learn the culture. I'll make sure that we put a link in the show notes for that, if that's something that's interesting. flying solo for sure. But there are a lot of other classes like that that you can have one hobby that bleeds into another so you get to meet a bunch of people with like interests like you were saying. But it's all encompassing and you can really like make some good friends that way. Yeah. What I've done when I traveled, I love that idea. What I've done when I traveled is

when I went to Ukraine to learn Russian long time ago, I said to the language school, I want an immersion experience. I don't want to stay at a hotel. And they went, oh, maybe we can find you a family. And I went, yeah, I want a family that's interested in having a foreigner there. I don't just want to rent a room and never see them. I want to kind of hang out, practice my Russian, and they went, okay, cool. And one of the teachers, it was like her cousin or her friend, they rented me a room. And she was so stoked to have a foreigner in their house that they treated me like a brother. I went to the family parties.

The extended family would come by and take me around and go hang out. And I'd go to dinner at the family's house. and I'd show up at their workplace and grab a meal and show up at the bar and hang out with the grandpa. And it was really awesome. I mean, they really treated me like a member of the family. My Russian was awesome by the time I left for somebody who just started learning it. I was there for 10 weeks. When I left, I was conversationally fluent in Russian.

The only Russian I'd taken in the United States at that point was the basic full two semesters of Russian where you basically learned the alphabet writing and reading the Cyrillic, which was really helpful. of vocab, but when I left, I could speak Russian. I mean, you know, it was basic, but I could speak it. I lost it all when I went to Serbia because of transference or whatever it's called when one language is similar and bleeds into the other. But I'm telling you, if I can learn Russian in 10 weeks, and I wasn't studying for eight hours a day. You know, I was just taking the occasional class and hanging out, even with a lot of foreigners. You can really get some serious face time, if you can call it that, really close on the ground with the culture. And you're going to have a

great time. Take some of these experiences and you're going to rock it. You're going to have a blast. Recommendation of the week, Trump on Netflix. This is an interesting look at Trump. It doesn't just bash him the entire time. And I feel like that's, look, I'm on whatever side of the political spectrum you might imagine. But the thing is, I don't like documentaries where it's just like, oh, you're not vegan. Here's how you're a terrible human being. I hate the agenda-based stuff. it does give, I wouldn't say it's a totally non-biased look at Trump, but it doesn't just talk about how everything is terrible. And I thought that was really interesting. There's a lot of interviews with people who know him.

They knew him back then. They still know him. They worked with him. They're working with him now. They knew him for years. Blah, blah. His exes are in there. His family's in there.

And I just thought it was an interesting piece. If you want to learn more about our president, regardless of what you think of him. It's Trump. It's on Netflix. And it's probably a little controversial just because. because everything that that guy touches is controversial. But I'm always interested in learning more about things no matter what. I'll just leave it at that.

Sounds good. I'll check it out. Do it. Hope y'all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. Don't forget, you can email us Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. That'll get your questions answered on the air. We're happy to keep you anonymous, of course. And a link to the show notes for this episode can be found at jordanharbinger.com.

Quick shout out to Don Hochwater, who introduced me to Dan Carlin. Thank you for that. And Anthony Sandora, congrats on the new job that you got from following our networking and social capital advice. And I will not say what URL that is at because I've said it too many times during the show, and I didn't even intend to do that. But I'm glad that it's working. And the Swanies Blue Blockers winners, these things are all spoken for.

I got way more people interested in these than I thought. Holy cow. My inbox is full. So the Swanies are spoken for. You can buy them at Swanwick Sleep.com. We'll link to that in the show notes. as well. These are great. I just picked the last two winners right before this show. I'm going to announce them this week, but the second to last two winners are Christian and Kathleen, and these

glasses are great. But like I said, they're all gone. You can buy your own at swanwicksleep.com. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at Jordan Harbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show. Jason, tell them where to find you. I'm on Instagram at JPD. Twitter as J.P.DeF. That's J.D.F. And you can always check out my other podcast every Monday, grumpy old geeks. Keep sending in those questions to Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. Share the show with those you love and even those you don't. We've got a lot more in the pipeline.

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