The Jordan Harbinger Show - 385: Can I Date a White-Collar Criminal? | Feedback Friday

Episode Date: July 31, 2020

While googling someone you met on a dating app, it turns out they have a white-collar criminal record. Should you give them the benefit of the doubt that they've learned from their mistake, or back off now? We'll tackle this and more here on Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/385 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: While googling someone you met on a dating app, it turns out they have a criminal record for intellectual property theft. Should you give them the benefit of the doubt that they've learned from their mistake, or back off now? How can you get clients and colleagues to take you seriously as a professional when you look much younger than your years? How do you deal with the envy and resentment you feel toward a friend who is doing miles better than you in their career even though you both started at the same time? Thanks to the pandemic, the job you were supposed to start in August has been pushed to begin in January. What can you do between now and then to make sure it's still there when the new year rolls around? You've been a nurse in a COVID unit for five months, and your friends and family are terrified to be near you. It might be tolerable if you had a significant other for support, but you're single and the loneliness is unbearable. What can you do? You're currently in the "Gmail Roulette" part of Six-Minute Networking, and the success rate has been excellent. However, how do you manage to avoid being overwhelmed by all the incoming traffic? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi. And if you want to keep in touch with former co-host and JHS family Jason, find him on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Have you ever had a moment where you think, man, someone should really do something about this? Then you realize, maybe that someone is you. Well, with the help of GoFundMe, you can change someone's life. You could start a GoFund me to help a friend pay for school, fund that new community space, or help a local kid finally get to that national competition. I've seen this myself. Last year, a friend of mine launched a GoFund me to help with medical bills after an unexpected surgery. It was incredible how fast the support rolled in.

People want to help. They just need a way to do it. And GoFundMe makes it easy. So do you have a dream, a person, or a cause in your life that could use some support? Don't wait for someone else to bring change. You can be the one who makes a difference. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising platform, trusted by over 200 million people. Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com.

That's gofundme.com. Gofundme.com. Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger. Today I'm here with Gabriel Mizrahi. On the Jordan Harbinger show, we decode the stories, secrets, and skills are the world's most fascinating people, and we turned their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. I want to help you see the matrix when it comes to how these amazing people think and behave. Our mission is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinkers, so you can get a much deeper understanding of how the world works

and make sense of what's really happening around you and even in your own brain. If you're new to the show on Fridays, we give advice to you and answer listener questions. The rest of the week, we have long-form interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks, from spies to CEOs, athletes, authors, thinkers, and performers. For a selection of featured episodes to get you started with some of our favorite guests and popular topics, go to Jordan Harbinger.com, and we'll hook you up. This week on the show, we had AIM and Dean. This is a two-part episode.

Gabriel, this guy was the top bomb and poison maker for Al-Qaeda. and now he works in counterterror and intelligence and like traces terrorist finance. This guy's a genius. Great. I'm just glad he's on our side now because he wasn't before. So it was super scary.

This guy is brilliant. Amund Dean, two parts. It took us like six hours, legit, five and a half hours to record this episode and then chop it down to like a two part. It's bonkers. That's incredible. How did you find your way to him?

So somebody emailed me and was like, hey, there's this new podcast called Conflicted, which is a great show, and that's Amund Dean co-hosts it with another guy who's like a former monk, and they talk about everything from world affairs to religion because they were both, obviously he was an Islamic extremist, and the other guy was a monk, so he's a Christian, but he was not a violent extremist, you know, so it's like a very interesting dichotomy between these two friends. Yeah, that's true. Between these two friends.

I cannot wait to hear this one. Yeah, they're great. And so I thought, well, wait a minute, I want to find out more about the host of the show, so I've researched this guy and read his book. and the publicist was like, no, no, no, you're good. You don't have to read this whole book. You can just listen to this new thing that I'm promoting. I was like, no, no, no. I want to get the whole thing. So anyway, two part with Aym and Dean, hell of an interesting conversation. I also write every so often on the blog, the latest post. Finally, we got a good post up recently here. It's been a few months, I think, Gabriel, because you were all fancy making movies.

You and I both have been a little busy, but yeah, we got down and we wrote a new one, and I love this one. This is a great one. So how did this come about? Somebody wrote in on a feedback Friday. and was saying, how do I get my, I don't know, was it her brother that was always falling for scams? Yeah, a few weeks back, we got a letter from a listener whose brother had fallen from multiple multi-level marketing schemes, I think. And like foreign currency trading, BS and all that stuff.

Yeah, it was a little bit obscure and a little bit shady. Actually, it was super shady. And she asked an interesting question. She was like, in addition to how do I help my brother, she was like, is currency exchange legit as a like a business, as an MLM? Is it something that I could actually get on board with? And you were like, you said something very insightful.

You said, you're asking the wrong question. The question is, is the MLM legit? The question is, what about your brother made him fall for it? Yeah, she wanted to pick apart the type of scam. Like, tell me maybe where the flaws are in this particular company is Forex scam. And I'm like, you could have every bit of evidence against this particular company. Your brother is the type of person who wants to fall for this. And so we did a whole piece on the type of person that falls.

for scams, where your vulnerabilities are, how to tell if you are that person, and what to do if you know somebody who is that person. And I guarantee you those of you've been writing into us about a family member or friend that is getting duped by these MLMs or these scams, you're going to see the victim checklist in there. It doesn't mean they have everything, but you're going to see a portrait of your friend or of your past self who you were when you were in the middle of the scam. You're going to see that illustrated and outlined pretty explicitly. We worked hard on this one. So that one is at Jordan Harbinger.com slash articles. Hopefully you check out Amandine and Who Falls for Scams.

Even if you're not scam adjacent and you like psychology, I think you'll find this interesting. You can reach us Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. Please keep your emails concise. Add a descriptive subject line. That makes our job so much easier than if every subject line is Feedback Friday. I was looking at some show notes for BJ Fogg and James Clear earlier. And I saw this and I just can't remember which episode this was in. But every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

No single instance will transform your beliefs. But as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your identity. This is why habits are crucial. They cast repeated votes for being a certain type of person. I thought this is brilliant. And this is something I'm keeping in mind all this week. That's from either one or both of those habits episodes, B.J. Fogg or James Clear. Both are good episodes if you're interested in habit change.

That's episode 108 for James Clear and 306 for BJ Fogg. We'll link him in the show notes. As always, got some great questions. Gabriel, what's the first thing out of the mailbag? Hey, Jordan. I just Googled a guy I met on a dating app, and it turns out he's been convicted of intellectual property theft from his employer or something akin to it.

From the verdict, it appears he was on probation, which has now ended. Assuming that this person has learned from his mistake and recognized the ills of his greed and misjudgment, is it worth getting to know this person? or should I back off and protect myself while I can? Signed, feeling out a felon. This is a tough one, man. I mean, there's a part of me that's like, no,

because there's so many fish in the sea. But then there's another part of me that's like, ooh, what if I was that person? Would I want a second chance? Is it fair? Right? I don't know. I mean, it's a question about values.

It's a question about the writer's values and his values. So do you think people deserve a second chance? Do they deserve a shot at normal life after a conviction? does this person seem to have changed as a person? Do you feel that this is a crime or mistake that defines him? Or is it a chapter of his life that he's appropriately resolved and made amends for? Yes, those are great questions. That's exactly right. I would talk to him directly about it,

because that's the only way you're really going to feel this out, right, Gabe? Like, you have to talk directly with the person. And it's an interesting test. Say you Google them, you saw the conviction, you want to hear the story and understand what happened without judgment and let him tell you what went down and whether he's changed. His response is really going to tell you almost everything you need to know about who this person is now. I'm thinking, Gabriel, a lot of people might go, yeah, you know, my boss was out to get me, the whole thing was BS, the prosecutor was so corrupt, the whole thing was ashamed, they needed a fall guy, I just happened to be the guy that got victimized. You know, do they play victim here? Or is it like, yeah, that was really dumb. I don't know what I was thinking.

I was following some other folks. You know, I learned a lot about myself through this. I'm lucky I didn't go to prison. There's a lot here. Also, I would get the details. Did he take documents from his company and then sell them? The whole thing was planned out. He knowingly did it.

He, you know, snuck him out on a flash drive and all this stuff, stole him from his boss. Or did he just claim that he deleted his email when leaving a company but didn't and they somehow caught him? You know, there's a big difference here. Huge difference here. There's a huge difference here in terms of the amount of effort, I think, and planning that went into the crime. And there's a reason that criminal law usually

takes these things into account, especially with violent crime as well. Was it a deliberate act? Was it more an act of omission, negligence? Both are bad, but one is decidedly worse. Yeah, I mean, if this guy is truly remorseful, if he's demonstrably remorseful about his past, if he's open about his past, if he's actively working on building a more responsible life that looks very different from the old one, then I think that says a lot about him. Then I think he probably, at least, at the very least, deserves a shot. But if he seems cagey and evasive, if he's still maybe even involved in some shady stuff, then I would stay away. It's just not worth it. I couldn't help but think about Justin Perperney, whom you interviewed sometime back. I think that

was episode 2, 26, one of the best ones, lessons from prison. Justin was a white collar criminal who, I think, if I remember correctly, engaged in some form of corporate fraud related to stock sales or stock investments or something like that. And basically went through his prison experience consciously and conscientiously and came out a very different person. And the biggest thing that he decided to do was to own his story and to not try to hide it or play it down or to tell a different version of events and just to be very transparent about the person he used to be what led him to make those mistakes, why he decided to act in a shady way and to consciously build a very different life. I love that because I think that's a paradigm for how you can have a life after you make a

a stick like this. But if this person she's talking to is not cut from that cloth, if he's going about this a totally different way and he's trying to, I don't know, come up, spin some other tail or try to hide it or just hasn't changed at all from this experience, then why bother? Like you said, plenty of fish in the sun, cut and run. Exactly. All right. What's next? Hey, Jordan and team. I'm in the financial services industry working with high net worth individuals. My issue is I'm 28 years old and I look even younger. I have all the major designations for my industry already, CFA, CFP, and I'm working on more. But I have some clients who just cannot see past my age and how I look. I always try to come off more than professional using straightforward

language, eye contact, and so on. I also try to call out the fact that I recognize I'm young and we're all thinking it, but that doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm doing or talking about when it comes to advising. Is there anything you can think of that I may not be doing besides, you know, dye my hair gray, signed the certified financial preemie. nice one first of all huge props for getting CFA CFP at age 28 that's awesome and working on more you're really paving the way I mean you could shave your head you got some male pattern baldness going bleached the rest of your hair gray get a dad bod I can help you with that I got a great strategy going for myself problem in what situation do you think he would be showing off his dad bod to a bunch

of clients that's a good point maybe Morgan stanley or something yeah maybe skip the dad bodod part um my hair advice still stands. But seriously, this is a very real problem. And in a way, it's a reflection of how far long you are for your age, because there's going to be a time very soon when your achievements and your age, the graph is going to intersect here. And this won't be a problem for you anymore at that point. But I can tell you this, man, when I was a lawyer and age, I think 26, 27, I was like, well, no one's going to take me seriously. Then I turned 30, and I was running my own business by then. But I thought, this is great. People are finally going to take me seriously. And as I got older, now I'm 40, and I'm like, when did people start taking me seriously? And the answer is, I don't know if they do,

but I stopped carrying a long-ass time ago, a long time ago. Are you saying that you think part of this guy's problem is that he's so self-conscious about it, that it's becoming more of a problem for him? Yeah, that's exactly where I'm going with this, right? Like, you are self-conscious about it now, and you can worry about it all you want, but it won't change anything. and one day you're going to wake up and go, oh yeah, this was never a big deal at all. But whether that happens at age 38 or age 29 after your next certification, you don't know. So you might as well either ignore this problem because it may not be that big of a problem. You're working a lot on your certifications and your experience.

And if it rears its head, there's not a whole lot you can do other than being the professional that you're being now and the highly qualified person that you're being. It's also worth noting that the field you're in, which sounds like wealth management, basically handling people's money. This is sensitive. You know, I remember not wanting to hire a certain financial advisor because he was like 32, but that's because I was about to hand over all my money, not all of it, a lot of my money. Clients' biggest fear, everyone's biggest fear when they're working with a wealth manager

is losing all of their money. Age, inexperience in the minds of your potential clients, those are indicators of risk. of course this is largely BS, but it's a legitimate concern. So the problem you're describing, I think, is now short term. It's five to seven years max. It's going to solve itself, but in the meantime, I would do a few things. Keep working on yourself, keep investing in yourself, keep being undeniably great at what you do and getting greater by the day. This is how you become like the whizkid as opposed to the little whippersnapper that's unqualified. Right. Like, if they were asking you for help with some technology, your age would be a massive advantage. But since it's

money, it's viewed as like this old white dudes game kind of, right? That's the problem that everyone has. There's other letters in our inbox that say, I'm a middle-aged person of color, or I'm a woman and I'm in this industry, and they run into problems like this. So at the very least, you can look at the advantage that you have, which is you can reframe this and you're going to outgrow this problem as well. Keep working on your confidence, keep working on your presentation, keep working on your client relationships. Gabe, what do you think about overcompensating though. You got to be kind of careful when you do this stuff because you don't want to look like, oh, I'm trying so hard. I'm wearing a three-piece suit in a pocket square and a bow tie every day

on casual Friday. Right. Because I'm the young guy in the office. That could actually work against him. One of the things that stood out to me in this letter is that he sounds like he has a sense of humor and some self-awareness. And even though he is very impressive does not take himself too seriously, which even though that might seem like it's adding to the perception that he's very young is actually probably working in his interest in another way because to your point earlier, people can smell the desperation of wanting to come across as something that you're not. I didn't get a strong sense of fake it till you make it or imposter syndrome in his letter. I think this is just a guy who is wanting to be great and is just struggling with his physical appearance for this odd window that he's in. So yes, absolutely,

I would keep working on your confidence, your presentation, your connections with your clients, all of that. But just to make sure that it's not dipping over into that overcompensation that could actually perpetuate the problem, the more you try to work on it. You know, something else is developing relationships with your colleagues in the office. If you've got older CFA's, older CFPs, and they vouch for you in meetings, these are just financial qualifications. Do you know what they'll stand for, Gabe? Are you familiar with these certifications? Yeah, I think one of them is a certified financial planner, and CFA is either certified financial analyst. Is this above CPA? Or is it different entirely?

This is a different, it's not above, it's a totally different. That's what I thought. I thought it was different, but it's harder. A CFA is a chartered financial analyst. And yeah, these are hard certifications. Yeah, these are hard. A lot of studying and dedication, yeah. Yeah, no shade on CPAs. I just didn't have my cert straight. It's like the bar exam, these kind of things. I've heard them compared to the bar exam. I have no idea if they're harder or easier than the bar exam. I thought the bar exam was, well, that's another story for another day. But get these people to vouch for you in meetings. And a lot of clients are just going to transfer their trusts in the, in the, those professionals they've worked with for a long time and that they trust along to you. Like they might look at you a little bit of scant, but you'll have plenty of opportunity. There'll be a bigger window for you to prove yourself. They're not going to say, like, who the

hell is this? It's like, well, if so-and-so who I've been working with for 10 years says, you know what you're doing, then you know what you're doing. And that should be good enough. And you can get them to do this by asking the good old Benjamin Franklin effect. Ask for advice. Ask for mentorship on this topic or other topics so that you can keep growing and also they will take an affinity, they'll have an affinity for you if you keep asking for advice and mentorship. So that'll get you the vouchers that you need, hopefully. Another thing I wonder if this guy could do is start to build a book of business for himself, a portfolio of clients of his own, if possible. I know he's early in his career and I know that's

really hard, but I mean, why not start now? Maybe you can become the like young, cool wealth manager, you know, with your younger clients who don't feel as uneasy, perhaps, about your age because they're closer to your age. Maybe you can grow those people into long-term clients so that by the you're 35, 38, 40, 45, like, you have a book of business that is your own and that will convince other people, new people, new clients, that you're trustworthy. But in the meantime, I wouldn't stress too much about your perception or, you know, other people's perception of you for the next few years. I would prioritize your own growth and your own skills so that when that magic age hits, whatever that age is for you, the point when the graph meets up and those two lines intersect,

this problem goes away. You'll have spent the last five years becoming awesome as a to spend in the last five years worrying about how people see you. And yeah, you might have to grate your teeth a little. You might lose out on accounts here and there or have a client go with somebody older in the office, but decide right now that you're going to play the long game. Great advice. And I think he should start building a book of business for himself anyway. I think everyone should do that if they're in a client-focused business because first of all, it's how you move up the ladder. That was my strategy to become a law partner. We all know how that worked out. But still, it was a good strategy on its face. And then having the

business yourself allows you to free yourself from firm life if that's what you want to do later on. I mean, there's a lot more options when you have a book of business. That's for sure. You're listening to Feedback Friday here on the Jordan Harbinger Show. We'll be right back. And now, back to Feedback Friday on the Jordan Harbinger Show. All right, what's next? Hey, Jordan. I'm from Hong Kong, and I love your podcast. You've shared some really groundbreaking advice for people in their mid-20s like me. I'm writing to ask you for some advice on an uncomfortable topic. I have a close friend who is currently strategy consulting for a global financial institution. She came from the same university as I did, but for some reason was able to join a major firm

and later went in-house with an 80% salary raise. She's also engaged in lots of government-funded programs to help her CV look better and doing lots of social good initiatives, which frankly, I detest. Meanwhile, I've been struggling with my job in sales, which is thrilling sometimes, but also draining and frustrating a lot of the time. To be honest, I don't find my friend particularly bright, but she is definitely more people-oriented and less vocal about her opinions than I am.

I've also become very critical of her work on social media. I find it hypocritical compared to the political situation that we're dealing with here. I don't know how to face her as a friend, and I don't know how to steer myself in a situation like this. I do care about her a lot, but I feel like we're drifting away. Why do I feel this way? How do I deal with my envy and my resentment?

signed racked with rivalry. First of all, Gabriel, I don't know about you, major props on this guy recognizing this feeling and being willing to talk about it. That is not something most people would admit. Most people do not want to talk about it. It's one of those emotions that is taboo. You're not supposed to confess that you're envious. Like it means something about you if you even have this feeling, which is such BS.

Because everybody has it. Yeah, totally. But it becomes taboo because it's like, oh, you're a bad person if you're like petty about something or envious about something. This isn't petty, though. Envy is one of those feelings that rarely gets discussed. It's so ugly, it's uncomfortable. Everyone's dealing with it. Nobody wants to admit it. Everyone's ashamed of it. There are quotes about this, I feel like from literature, Gabriel. Do you have one on deck by any chance? There was one that was in an article we wrote about this. F. Scott Fitzgerald, an amazing writer. He said, nothing is as obnoxious as other people's luck.

You know, this is coming from a guy who had... So true. Definitely his share of bad luck, but a lot of good luck too. So it's universal. Yeah. Second, I think you're wrestling with these feelings right now, partly, let me put it this way. Envy for me creeps up when I'm not happy with my own choices in the moment. It rarely creeps up when I'm feeling content about the work that I'm doing and the people that I'm around and all this other stuff. It comes from your own insecurity, not that you're an insecure person, but because you feel unstable at a certain period in your life or something like that. You're frustrated with your job. You're unhappy with your performance. You're seeing this other person do it another way. and that's contributing to your envy, and this is so common, and you are not alone.

A lot of things we detest in other people is something we actually detest on some level in ourselves. The good news is, I actually think envy is a really powerful teacher, can be a powerful motivator, if you can learn how to process it the right way and put it to good use. Gabe, we did a piece on this. It was called Want to Overcome Envy, Make It Your Teacher, and there's different types of envy outlined in there. I highly recommend reading this if you or someone you know, is dealing with envy, especially if it's getting really toxic. Make envy your teacher. Don't beat yourself

up about it. Don't beat yourself up about it, but also don't indulge it too much. There's more in the article. Take us through some principles here, Gabe, when it comes to envy. First of all, we're going to link to this in the show notes. We're also going to link to another great piece I think you should recall how to stop comparing yourself to other people. I still reread it. It's one of the most important things I think we've worked on here on the show. It's important to understand that envy, the envy that you're describing is super normal. It is hardwired. It is human. It's also a huge part of our culture. I mean, between social media and the culture at large and the way we're raised and the way we're educated and how we're just in this like fishbow looking at other people, we're around and

comparing ourselves all the time. It is impossible as a human being to go through life and never feel an ounce of envy. What is under your control is learning from your feelings of envy and understanding how to process them and work with them so that they don't take over your whole experience entirely. There is a way to use envy to teach you what you want. A lot of that is distinguishing between the sources of your envy and the objects of your envy. And that's actually a great way that you can preserve your relationship with this person. I think a lot of what you're feeling about her actually has very little to do with her and everything she's accomplished and a lot to do with you and what you feel you should accomplish.

And there's a way for your friendship to get stronger if you learn how to deal with some of these feelings. We talk about that a lot in the piece, so I won't repeat it here. A big piece of this also, I just want to say, is taking stock of what you do have, understanding that life is not a zero-sum game and learning how to put your envy into action is the way through this. I highly recommend checking out that article on envy and also the one how to stop comparing yourself to other people.

There's so much good stuff in there. It's helpful for us. I think it'll be helpful for you and we'll link to both of those in the show notes. All right. What's next? Hey, Team Harbinger. I just graduated in May and found out that my job, which was originally starting in August,

is now delayed to January. I'm treating the next six months as a gap year and filling it with reading, volunteering, and making a podcast for fun. However, my dad is worried that my job offer will be rescinded and encourage me to see if I can volunteer or do part-time work for them before I start. I've talked to some of the other employees at the company and they're all confident about my job starting in January. Should I be concerned about my career? Should I try to start early or be developing my professional skills instead of just enjoying the next six months?

What would you do? To chill or not to chill, that is the question. Well, if we've learned one thing in this quarantine, it's that nothing is certain. Four months ago, a lot of people thought COVID would come and go. Obviously, that's not true. Jobs that were certain are now shaky or unshaky ground. Jobs that were on shaky ground are now essential and they're hiring people like crazy. It's a weird world. I'm not saying that to scare you. For all we know, your job is secure. It sounds fine. If they're telling you it's secure, then I don't see why they would deliberately lie to you. They just might not know.

But just to prepare you for all possibilities, we've been getting tons of emails lately from people whose offers have gone away or who have been furloughed, it would be a little reckless to say that that couldn't happen to you. So here's what I recommend. I don't want you to sit here and worry about it. So let me finish my thought here. Whatever you decide to do with this time, stay close with your employer.

People talk about building relationships to get a job, but you also have to build relationships to keep and secure that job. Maybe check in every month, see how they're doing, tell them what you've been doing, ask if there's anything you can do to prepare for starting and or help in the meantime, this is going to signal that you are valuable, you're committed to this gig before you even begin. If it comes time to make a hard decision, this will go a very long way. Don't drop off until the week before you're supposed to start.

I mean, if they're deciding between maybe they hired six people and now they only need three, are they going to pick the person they haven't heard from all summer long, or are they going to pick the person that's been in touch regularly and has been working on certain things or whatever, it's good to be on their radar. And if you feel like working early and they could use the help, I'd say go ahead and start as soon as you can. Maybe split the difference. Start in three months rather than six so you can still enjoy some downtime. I'm not saying you have to start right away, but I am saying if they offer that to you, it's always good to jump in first. Or if you think you can negotiate even a month earlier as a start, that's going to get your foot in

the door, which is great. Gabe, what do you think? That is excellent advice. I would just add to that that if this person does decide to take three or six months off, whatever it is, I think it's nice to take some time for yourself no matter what, because as you get older, that gets harder and harder to do, as we all know. But in this case, I would definitely spend that time investing in yourself in some way. Take classes, read a ton, especially about the industry you're joining, but I would also recommend if you're into it, read fiction, watch movies, like do the things that you really have a hard time doing once you get a full-time job, and get a jump on the education that you will need to crush it at this job when you start.

travel if you want to and if it's safe. I'm not super hot. I'm recommending that. That's what I was going to say before though, dude. I was like, oh man, that time off's going to be awesome. You can sit at home and watch Netflix. This is a tricky one because we're in weird times and telling somebody to enjoy it and travel is like somewhat of a risky proposition. I don't know what your situation is. Any other time, Gabe, I would have been like, it doesn't matter even if they offer you an early start. Take this time. Exactly. You're never going to have this again, possibly like jump at this opportunity. And now I'm like, what the hell else are you? you going to do, man. I mean, there are ways to travel that are not super damn. I mean, you could take

a road trip. You could travel around within your own country. I mean, you could, I don't know, what other means of transportation do not put you in the sneezing distance of your fellow man? I'm not sure. That's right. I think Barbados is doing some sort of like digital nomad visa, I heard about this, where you can go there and I think they quarantine you for X days and then you just chill in Barbados and work virtually because so many people are working from home. They're like, hey, come down here where we don't have it, supposedly, and you can just relax in Barbados. And they're sort of exploring this idea. So there are things you can do. You can get creative. You could go to New Zealand, quarantine for two weeks, and then spend the next five and a half months there.

Sure, go for it. But you have to kind of commit to it. It's no longer the digital nomad. Like, I'm getting a Euro train ticket and I'm just going to, you can't, it's not really something you can do anymore. Everything's closed. On top of that, I would just, in general, think about the story that you would tell if you had to re-end, interview for a job in six months. So if you were sitting across from a hiring manager, I'm not saying your job is going to fall through. I'm not trying to worry you, but just imagine that if it did or you had to re-interview with your company, what would you want to say? Like, how would, did you spend the last six months? Why are you a good candidate? What have you done?

That is an asset. How did you spend the last few months preparing to be the best employee possible? I think if you try to answer those questions in advance, you can still have fun. You can still travel or read or watch movies or whatever, go taking cooking classes, I don't know what you're into, whatever it is, and still sort of be investing in yourself for the job. If you can do both of those things and enjoy a little time off and maybe start soon, then I think you're gold. But really, this just comes down to how much risk you're willing to take and how important six months of freedom is to you versus starting work early. I think that's a good thought exercise. How would you re-interview for this job? One last note for me, this is not worth stressing about if I'm in your

shoes as a fresh grad. Knowing me, all I do over the next six months is stress out over something I can't control. So assume your job is secure, but develop yourself like it's not. Does that make sense? So like assume everything's going to be fine, but work yourself, better yourself, work to better yourself like you don't have anything necessarily coming up or like you have to re-interview for it. And that way you don't have to stress about this and you're moving forward and developing.

you're keeping your edge, you're enjoying your time off. I think that's the way to go about this. Don't ruin the next six months just wondering if you have a job. Because if you don't, your worry was a waste of time. And if you do, your worry was a waste of time. So I wish I could take my own advice. I really do. This is the Jordan Harbinger show, and this is Feedback Friday.

We'll be right back. After the show, we've got a preview trailer of our interview with Angel Investor, Jason Calacanis. If you're a founder or interested in business or ideas, you're going to want to hear this. So stay tuned for that after the close of the show. Thanks for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers keeps us going. Who doesn't love some good products and or services?

You can always visit jordanharbinger.com slash deals for all the details on everybody that helps support the show. And now for the conclusion of Feedback Friday. All right. What's next? Dear gang, I love the show. It has seriously changed my life in so many ways. I've been a nurse on the COVID unit at my hospital for five months now. While at first it was complete chaos, we've become more organized and gained more help.

According to my coworker, we will be on this unit until the vaccine is made, possibly as long as two years. The problem is that my family and friends are terrified to be near me, even with a mask on. My parents and friends are having small social gatherings, and they never invite me. My coworkers at least have significant others for emotional support and interaction. I am a single woman in her early 40s. I feel so alone. I just completed an advanced degree in nursing, and I can't even celebrate with anyone. I understand their fears, and I don't hold it against them, even though only one employee on our unit has contracted the virus,

because our facility has done everything possible to protect us. Still, I feel like an outcast, and it has really hurt my feelings. I've spent too much money online shopping to cope. I appreciate any advice to help me get through these times. Thanks for everything, Tainted Nurse. I really feel for you on this. Everyone right now is going through various degrees of suffering related to, loneliness, isolation, et cetera, and you are hit especially hard because of your job and because you

are single. And I can hear how hard it is from your letter. And I'm really sorry that you're going through this first. And I know this is tough. Try not to take what your friends and family are doing personally. I know it's hard to say that. And I know it's hurtful when they exclude you. But they're not doing this to you. They're doing it for them, even if they're a little misguided. it's very easy to personalize this stuff, especially right now when you're feeling alone. And I get it. It is personal for you because it is happening to you. But that doesn't mean that they're targeting you. They're afraid. You know, you're the casualty of that fear. Second, consider talking to your friends and family about how you're feeling.

Explain to them how hard it is for you lately, how much you'd want to be included in their events. Tell them about the safety protocols on your unit, how few people have gotten infected, ask if they would take that into account when they host their gatherings. And I would try to connect with people in other ways. You don't have to social distance. You can just physical distance. FaceTime, Skype. I know these are kind of crappy, paltry substitutes, but they are everything for a lot of folks right now. There's a lot of Zoom calls going on all the time. There's a lot of virtual events going on all the time. I know it's not the same thing. I really do. And I know we're going to see some science about that in the next few years about whether or not.

online interaction, you know, to what extent is that a substitute for actual social contact? Gabe, there's got to be more here. I mean, I just want to echo that this is so difficult. There's no easy solution for what you're talking about. You are in the epicenter of what is happening right now with COVID, but what you are describing is what I think everybody feels to some degree. Everybody listening to this is nodding along with you. We've all been isolated. You have been isolated more than most. There was something in your letter, which we actually didn't read just because we were trying to keep it a little bit concise, but you said that you love this part.

of nursing. And that really got me because I feel like you are in some sense being punished for the job, this incredibly important job that you have, that you actually love. Like she is in the middle of doing really dangerous and scary work and she still loves it. And on top of it, her hospital or wherever she works is taking pretty good care of them and she's still not able to hang out with people. It's just a crappy situation and I'm sorry that you're going through it. I do think Jordan is dead on. And on top of it, I would say that you might want to consider talking to a professional if you feel you need it, even if it's just for a short period of time. Find a therapist, find a counselor. Jordan talks a lot about better help,

sponsor of the show, something worth looking into, or consider maybe talking a little bit more often to other people on your unit. I know that they're not in this exact same situation you are, but you do have a shared experience there for sure. I was wondering, Jordan, what if she hosted a gathering for her colleagues, or what if she were the one to get everyone who's excluded elsewhere together? Right. What is that called when you have friends giving, right? When you have nowhere to go for thanksgiving. Yeah, it's a COVID giving. Except you're not giving COVID, hopefully. Let's workshop the name, but you know what I mean. Yeah, we're, yes, exactly. Let's workshop. Let's put that one back in the hopper and kick some ideas around. But yes, I like the idea of having a, there's got to be other people in your unit that are also alone, or maybe not even in your unit, just other health care professionals.

way to network with other people and other COVID units that might be going through this, there's got to be other people in the same situation. I'm telling you, she's not alone. I think she feels alone, but she is not alone in this situation. Also, you know, I do wonder, are you taking care of yourself in other ways? Because I think it's really easy to come home, exhausted, and be like, I don't have time to do anything. But for me, exercise, walks, I know some people do meditation. There's like online yoga classes now. This might be something that you look forward to actually really enjoy doing. And it's a good excuse to get in shape and do some exercise.

There's a lot of people that are like, oh, I can't do this, but there's trainers working on group classes at home. I see it all the time. Actually, you know, Jordan, that's a really good point because when quarantine first kicked in, I was, you know, I started working at home and I work out every single day. If I didn't, I would be going insane, for real.

I would log on to these Zoom classes, and it was a great class, but actually a huge part of it was like seeing other people and moving my body with other people and being part of the community that grew up around that class. And even though I'm working out on my own, I still check into those classes one or two times a week just to stay close to these people.

So I definitely think that's super wise advice. And as a nurse, you know, you're on your feet a lot. You're dealing with other people's needs all the time. That is the definition of your job. It's really important to take care of your needs as well. I know that two years is a really long time. It is like insanely hard to wrap your head around. And you're taking on a burden that is so big.

And that's part of what makes your job so important. now. I admire you. And I'm really grateful for it. I hope you find the connections you need to get through it. Hang in there. All right, Gabe. Last but not least. Hey, Jordan. I just started listening to the show and began your six-minute networking course. I love what you're doing here. I'm a software developer at heart, Masters in computer science background from Denmark, now living in Sweden. I worked in Southeast Asia for a year and a half to explore the world and now find myself in my first middle management position of my security consulting career at 43 years old. I'm currently in the Gmail roulette part of the course, and I have been sending texts, LinkedIn messages, and now

emails to former colleagues and friends. I have a huge success rate on these, almost 100%, which is awesome. However, I do find myself in a bind. What do I do with all that incoming traffic? I really don't have the time to meet all of these people in the next few weeks for a coffee, so how and where do I leave the conversation? It feels a bit odd just to say hello and then not follow up with something, but maybe that's just me. Any advice on this? Too connected for my own good. First of all, this is a great response rate. I mean, almost 100% is awesome. Anything over half is great. And if you're getting less than half, it doesn't really matter. Your network will start to warm. You'll get some more active people in it. So for people who are below 50%, don't worry about it. Although I feel like

I never hear about that. Usually it is like a 70 plus percent response rate. I mean, that's what I found for myself, 75, 100 percent almost. So you're doing great. You're in Sweden or Denmark or whatever, but, you know, for me, over here in the United States, now is a great time for all of us to network, unfortunately, because our excuse is we can't go anywhere and nothing is open. So if somebody asks you to meet up, you can just say, like, no, you know what, I'm self-isolating, because I have to, we're shelter in place. Unless you want to go out and meet them, of course, then it's your prerogative. Go right ahead and do it. I also will say something like, in any environment, whether we have a pandemic around the globe or not, I'll say, I'm slammed,

I wanted to reach out to you because I know it might be a while until we start to see each other. Wish we could get together. But right now I'm working on all these projects and I've got a kid. But I wanted to make sure that I took a minute and reached out to you here via email, text, whatever it is that you used to reach out to them because I know it might be a while until I'm freed up. Gabe, what do you think? I mean, do you generally just avoid everyone like me or are you a phone call kind of guy? Yeah, I mean, one of the unexpected benefits of the pandemic is that it's more acceptable to do phone calls and Zoom meetings. So if this is super taxing, by the way, let me just acknowledge, this is like such a high class problem that this guy has. You should be happy about that. I mean, he's doing something right to be in this conundrum.

But I would say that, yeah, the pandemic has made it more acceptable for you to just jump on Zoom for 10 minutes, say hi to somebody, jump on the phone, be like, I got to keep a brief. I have a ton of stuff going on, but I want it to connect. I mean, I think you have license to do that. anyway, but I think the pandemic just brought it to the surface that that has always been an option. But if you don't want to jump on Zoom and you don't want to jump on the phone, you literally do not have time or desire to talk to any of the people that you're connecting with, then you could always just be a better emailer and just be a little bit more, I don't know, a little bit, share a little bit more by email, be a better correspondent, like respondent,

like respond to emails a little more quickly or whatever. Sometimes that can scale your connections maybe a little bit more easily than having to meet everybody personally. But ultimately, I don't think there's a right answer to this, Jordan. I don't don't think that there's a right way to do it. It's really about his personal preferences. The important thing is that he's reconnecting with all these people. So however he wants to maintain those relationships, I think is cool. I think that's cool. I think he's probably just asking about like, how am I going to have all this coffee or all these lunches? It's not scalable. That's the problem. It's not scalable. So Zoom, phone calls, those are more scalable. And then you get to a certain

type of busy where you won't even have time for those and then stick to text messages or you can do those voice messages or those little videos that people shoot to each other on WhatsApp, whatever you're comfortable with, whatever your social circles slash culture of friends or professionals is comfortable with. But you definitely do not and should not go out and just meet with everybody who asks for your time. This is a good practice in saying no and guarding your time while also creating and maintaining relationships over time. Hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. Go back and check out our two-part episode with Amin Dean if you haven't yet. Chief Al-Qaeda.

a poison maker bomber, now counterintelligence expert. Amazing. Want to know how we get all these great guests on the show? It's about our relationships, systems, tiny habits that we just talked about in that last question there. Check out six minute networking. It's free. It's over there on the thinkific platform at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. There's no upsell. You don't have to enter your credit card, none of that BS. Dig the well before you get thirsty. Now is the time to do it. This is the time. There is no better time than right now, 20 years ago maybe, but now even better that we can't go. People can't ask for too much of your time. They don't have it. There's no ability to go do anything if you're here in the United States. This is actually an advantage when you're working on these

relationships. Believe it or not, it is. People are more responsive and people are less apt to do something in person. So that's a good combo for scaling this up. You can find that course at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at Jordan Harbinger.com Transcripts. Where are those, Gabe? Are they in the show notes? You're damn right. They are. There's a video of this on our YouTube channel at Jordan Harbinger.com slash YouTube. I'm at Jordan Harbinger on Twitter, Instagram. You can hit me on LinkedIn. This show is created in association with podcast one and my amazing team, including Jen Harbinger, J. Sanderson, Robert Fogart, Ian Baird, Millio Campo, and you, of course, Gabriel Mizrahi. Thank you for being here. Keep sending in those questions to Friday atjordanharbinger.com.

Our advice and opinions and those of our guests are their own. I'm a lawyer, not your lawyer. So do your own research before implementing things you hear on this show. And remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love. And if you found this episode useful, please share it with somebody who can use the advice we gave here today. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen. And we'll see you next time. As promised, here's a preview trailer of my interview here with Jason Calicanus.

I built Weblogs, Inc. And 18 months after we were growing it, we were at about 100. $150k in total revenue and AOL came and offered us $30 million for it. I was negative $10,000 in my bank account. And I was walking my old dog, Toro, rest in peace, and smoking a cigar with my wife. And we were sitting there in Santa Monica. We had a $2,000 a month apartment. And I said, they offered us $30 million.

I can't keep up with our credit card bills. I'm going to take it. And she's like, this is going to be crazy. Like, we're going to have over $10 million in our bank account. I was like, yep. I sat there and I just had to have this, like, really long look on, like, deep moment because I had a very complicated relationship with money and being poor because you grew up. Yeah, they were wanting to be rich. Exactly.

And I wanted to be powerful and rich when I was a kid. And looking back on it, the reason I wanted to be powerful and rich is because I was poor and I had no power. My wife remembers a story and I remember a story like it was yesterday. I was sitting there refreshing my Bank of America account, the corporate account. And nothing, nothing, nothing, and then boom, $27 million. And I start crying. And my life goes, well, he cries it. I spent the majority of my life broke.

I don't have to worry about money ever again. Ever. For more with Jason Calicanis, including what venture capitalists are looking for in startup founders and how to make yourself more marketable, whether you're a founder or an angel investor yourself, check out episode 100 right here on the Jordan Harbinger show. This episode is sponsored in part by something you should know. podcast. Finding a new great podcast shouldn't be this hard, so let me save you some time. If you like the Jordan Harbinger show, you'll probably like something you should know with

Mike Carruthers. It's one of those shows that makes you smarter in a practical, useful way. Same curiosity vibe we go for here, just in a fast, focused format. Mike brings on top experts and asks the exact questions that you'd want to ask, and the topics are all over the place in the best way. Recently, they've covered things like why we care so much what other people think, the benefits of laughter, why sports fans get so invested, and what makes people like you or not. The through line is always the same. Smart ideas you can actually use in real life. Something you should know has been featured in Apple's shows we love, and it's got thousands of five-star reviews because it's consistently interesting. So if you want another show that scratches that

I want to understand how people in the world really work itch, search for something you should know wherever you get your podcasts. Look for the bright yellow light bulb and start listening. You can thank me later.