The Jordan Harbinger Show - 409: When Your Deranged Dad Calls the FBI on You | Feedback Friday

Episode Date: September 25, 2020

Your mentally ill father has threatened to call the FBI on you because he interprets a photo you took of your three-year-old son with a headband on as somehow "sexualizing" him. How do you even find the right kind of lawyer to preemptively deal with this? We'll tackle this and more here on Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/409 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Is 2020 really as bad as it seems? Here's how to gain a reality-based perspective (even if reality's not seeming so great right now). Your mentally ill father has threatened to call the FBI on you because he interprets a photo you took of your three-year-old son with a headband on as somehow "sexualizing" him. How do you even find the right kind of lawyer to preemptively deal with this? You're a landscaper who's been asked to destroy a cannabis crop being grown by squatters on an absentee landlord's property. Said landlord doesn't want the cops involved. In how many ways is it a bad idea to accept this job? You've always been decent looking and you're now as healthy and in shape as you were in high school, but being legally blind has kept you from really throwing your hat in the dating ring. What can you do to find your way to romance with someone accepting of your situation? You love that you can whip through books, podcasts, and videos at 3x, but it seems to have lowered your tolerance for slow talkers and people who can't get to the point quickly in a conversation. Should you learn how to take things a little...more...slowly? After being laid off, you're currently in the process of networking and making a career shift. You've been able to secure cold calls with higher-ups that seem to have gone well, but how do you move from a cold call toward a job offer? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi. And if you want to keep in touch with former co-host and JHS family Jason, find him on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD,... See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan Harbinger. Today I'm here with my Feedback Friday producer, my FBF, BFF, if you will, Gabriel Mizrahi. On the Jordan Harbinger show, we decode the stories, secrets and skills of the world's most brilliant people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. We want to help you see the matrix when it comes to how these amazing people think and behave. And our mission is to help you become a better informed, more critical thinker so you can get a deeper understanding of how the world works and make sense of what's really happening, even inside your own mind. Now, if you're new to the show, on Fridays, we give advice to you, we answer your listener questions and smash white claws on the rest of the week. We have long-form interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks, from spies to CEOs, athletes, authors, thinkers, and performers, and if you want to get a selection of featured episodes to get you started, if you're not sure where to begin, some of our favorite guests and popular topics are on the homepage at jordanharbinger.com. We'll hook you right up there. This week, we had Mossab Hassan, aka the Green Prince. This was Israel.

Israel's top informant inside Hamas. Now he's a friend of mine, which is kind of wild. And Commander Chris Hadfield also came on the show. This is one from the vault. He's a Canadian national hero, one of the most famous space missions of all time. He's that guy who played guitar in space and did like a whole CD from the International Space Station, just a crazy good interview, in my opinion, really good guest. Make sure you've had to listen to everything we've created for you here this week. Also, you can reach us for Feedback Friday, Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. If you can keep your email concise, that would be great. Bravo. Include a descriptive subject line that does make our job just a lot easier.

A lot of people have been writing in, by the way, lately and saying, man, 2020 is the worst year ever. Things have never been this bad between COVID and the economy and global warming and murder hornets. Literally everything horrible happening right now. No country has been spared. China's flooding, et cetera. We're definitely living in some kind of apocalyptic breakdown.

But are things actually worse than they've ever been? Is this actually true? And Gabriel, we found this National Geographic article this week, and I was maybe not surprised because I read Stephen Pinker's book a long time ago, but the answer is not exactly. Basically, this article explains that, yes, we definitely feel worse about the present and the future than we did before. And yes, there are definitely ways in which 2020 is objectively terrible, not going to lie, but our feelings about this moment might not all be attributed to the fact that things are

truly getting worse. They can also be attributed to several cognitive biases that are messing with our perception of the world. And as you know, we did a whole show on bias a couple weeks back with Dr. Jennifer Everhart. For one thing, when people are struggling with their mental health, for example, they've lost their jobs, they're under lockdown for months on end. That type of stress increases the likelihood that they're going to see the world through the lens of negativity and a negativity bias. Everything starts to look terrible. And then we seek out more information that just confirms how terrible things actually are. and before you know it, things are looking the worst and feeling the worst that they've ever been.

And on top of that, research shows that people in Western cultures, like you and me and a lot of people listening, we already have a tendency to interpret present events negatively while prefering the past. This is very normal. It happens with every generation. That's why your parents and grandparents talk about how great it was when they were kids, et cetera. One researcher in this NetGeo article, which will link in the show notes, you put it this way. We're judging the past on its greatest hits, but we judge the present on everything we have here available. And everything we have available right now is not good. Then you add in the news and the social media on top of that and you got this perfect storm. Open up Twitter. Open up CNN.com. Bam. Every sad, horrible, disturbing thing that's

happening in the world right now is right there in the palm of your hand. So you're not out playing with your friends and ignoring news. You're hearing about horrible things happening in China. You're hearing about horrible things happening all over the country. Of course the present seems hopeless. Meanwhile, in the past, we've forgotten most of the details, except for the highlights. We don't talk about it nearly as much. That just becomes a happy memory, a set of feelings. I mean, how great does 2019 seem right now? Do you remember how crappy we said 2019 was? 2018? I looked at a text message the other day from a friend I haven't talked to in a while. It was from 2018, Gabriel, and I said something like, oh, 2018's been like five years long.

I remember 2018 being great, but it's one of the most stressful years of my life. Like, objectively, it was one of the stressful years of my life. Absolutely. Compared to 2020, it's like a walk in the freaking park. Yeah. Yeah. That's very interesting. Yeah, but now, now I look back and I'm like, oh, my gosh, 2018, oh, I miss you. I don't miss 2018. It was awful for me. Just like I'm going to look back at 2020 and be like, oh, remember, well, hopefully I'm not going to look back at this year and think how great it was. But that's what everyone thinks about every year. And yes, this is an objectively crappy year for a lot of people, but the same bias applies. So the question is, how do we avoid this? Is there any way to stay informed without

starting to believe that we're living in an irreversible nightmare. And the answer, according to this NatGeo article, is yes. So first, we have to learn how to control our biases. Notice how the media you consume plays with your perceptions. Hopefully this media, the Jordan Harbinger Show, plays with your perceptions in a good way. And we give you a more realistic view of things that are going on and we don't freak you out. As the article puts it, the media gives our panic-prone primate brains, more reasons to feel stressed, and more examples of the present to compare with our highly edited version of the past. So if we can catch our minds falling into that trap,

we can take care of those thought patterns as they arise and give ourselves a dose of reality when we really need it. And second, we have to be a lot more thoughtful about our social networks and the types of content that we consume. I think that one's pretty self-explanatory. If you're spending six hours a day doom scrolling on Twitter getting bad news from the same 12 dramatic people who share your existing beliefs,

that is definitely going to skew your opinion of the world and wreck havoc on your mood. consuming a ton of news, it will add to the sense that the present is worse than the past. So it is important to seek out stories not just from the present, but from history, and compare them to our situation now. I mean, look at the pandemic of 1918, the Spanish flu. 500 million people infected, a third of the global population, 1.5 billion people, 50 million people died.

Compare that to COVID today. 27 million cases, still bad. 875,000 deaths, still really bad. still horrible, still unacceptable, of course, but my point is, we feel so much worse about our situation today than we do about life in the early 1900s when we assume it looked like Little House on the Prairie or whatever. Those people had just come off World War I. They barely understood how germs worked. They didn't know. It's insane. So try to keep in mind how far we've come and how much we have going for us. We have top scientists working on vaccines. We have,

for those of you who believe in vaccines, of course. I don't want to assume anything now. Like, and science and reason. We have infrastructure and policies and capital and knowledge and so many assets at our disposal. Are they working the way they should? No. Is everything amazing? Definitely not, but we, I mean, wouldn't you rather be living through a pandemic in 2020 than in 1920? I know I would. I do now. Cable news. I do now. Cable news would not have us believe this, okay? Just some stuff to think about the next time you find yourself in a depression spiral about the state of the world, things are never totally great. They are rarely as bad as we think they are.

So we have to open the aperture a little wider. And remember that we don't have to consume media 24-7. This podcast is great, doesn't count. You don't have to consume other media 24-7 to have a good understanding of the world right now. In fact, maybe if we consumed, let's consume way less news, way less opinion on the news,

way less doom-scrolling. We'll have a better future. We'll have a better world right now. we'll have a better set of feelings about where we live right now. All right, we've got a great feedback Friday for you. Gabe, what's the first thing out of the mailback? Speaking of doom scrolling and bad news, let's talk about some other people's bad news so we can have a little, not shot in fright up, but just realize how great our lives really are.

Hi, Jordan. I need some advice regarding a tense and bizarre situation with my father. My family and I have been under a strict quarantine for the last couple of weeks in order to see my wife's parents who are at high risk. During this quarantine, we sent lots of pictures to extended family we couldn't see. In response to one particular text, my father responded by saying, Great pictures, except for the one where your son is in drag. Hell of creepy.

In the picture in question, my son had a headband on, which four or three-year-old was completely harmless and had nothing to do with drag. For a long time, my father has had close-minded views and has made some bigoted comments, but never against my family. This caused a fight, during which my father suggested that my wife gets a kick out of quote-unquote sexualizing our son, which is completely ridiculous. This is part of a larger pattern with him. In the past, he's inappropriately suggested that my mother had a sexual relationship with a minor, and he certainly seems like he has some mental health issues, especially when it comes to sex. This is so creepy.

This is weird as hell. More recently, my father reached out to me directly and asked if I would join him in person for something after our quarantine. I declined, as his behavior was unacceptable, and I would not be seeing him until we resolved it. He went off again, suggesting that he wasn't the one who took sexual pictures, I said, there are no sexual pictures. He threatened me by suggesting the FBI get involved to determine that, at which point I said that I would not communicate with him anymore. There's really no case here, but my dad can sometimes be very manipulative, and I'm worried that he will get the authorities involved. While I have no concerns about what they'd find, I keep thinking it would be good practice for me to get a lawyer to ensure I get

ahead of this so that it doesn't impact my or my wife's work. So here's the question. How do you find a lawyer that would specialize in something like this, and what steps should I take if he starts causing problems? Signed, dodging my deranged dad. So this creeps me out because there's people with mental illness and they bug you and they're in your family, but the fact that this is so weirdly sexual

and it's like involving your son whose three just gives me like the creepiest shivers. Look, there's nothing here that leads me to believe that you need a lawyer. Actually, if he continues to harass you, I'd recommend a restraining order. I wouldn't engage. It just keeps the conversation

going, we know from Joe Navarro's episode on this show, which I recommend you listen to. We'll link to it in the show notes. Joe Navarro says that you have to cut off people like this. You can't feed the trolls, as it were. You can't fan the flames. If he continues to reach out, then you can find a lawyer to respond. But you really don't need one. So, first of all, never talk to the police directly with stuff like this.

Look, you can. It's nothing to be afraid of. Generally, you should never talk directly to the police because things can get misconstrued. the record can get all messed up. I'm not saying it because the police are bad guys or anything like that. I know there's a narrative of that right now, but you really don't need to talk to the police. Always politely decline if the police reach out to you and lawyer up. But I don't think they're going to reach out to you. What you can do right now, if it will make you feel better, find a criminal lawyer first, just in the yellow pages, get a quick call going so you're not panicking, but you don't have to do

anything. There's no action you need to take other than that. I would ignore your crazy dad. He's negative. He's insane. Look, not my professional opinion. He's being negative and acting insane. The cost-benefit of writing a legal letter is not good. So don't write a letter. Your dad knows it's illegal, or maybe doesn't know, but we'll know soon. It's illegal to make a false report. So unless he's bat-shit crazy, he's not going to make a false report to law enforcement. Your dad has every right to report crime. All of us have every right to report actual crime. The reason you shouldn't write a letter is law enforcement doesn't like to hear someone was threatened not to report. You don't want to have anything that looks like, if you report this, I'm going to sue you, and I'm going to make you sorry.

Law enforcement, the courts don't like anything that looks like the threat of prosecution to get someone to be quiet. It'll look like you're threatening someone for reporting a crime or threatening to report an actual crime. If you do write a letter, if you just must do this, your lawyer has ethical considerations to take into account. He can reference 18 USC 1001, which essentially says, hey, if you make a false statement to a federal agent, it's five to eight years in federal prison. That's the section of the U.S. Code where they get people where they can't really nail them to anything, but they can catch them online to the FBI. They'll get you for that. It's an easy case to prove because you basically have to just prove one false statement and then they can say, hey, Your Honor, we strongly suspect this person's up to no good. They're doing a lot

of stuff. It's going to be really tough and expensive to get all the evidence. Let's get him on one or two counts of lying to the FBI, and they'll either cooperate, plead out, whatever. You don't really want to feed the trolls and you don't really want to get on the offensive here. But look, it sounds like your dad has some stuff going on. Age might be making it worse. I want to acknowledge that this might be really painful for you when a parent is suffering like this. He sounds like he might even have some sexual trauma of his own. It can be really upsetting. I get the sense from your letter that you're really angry with your dad, but you're also worried, you're confused, you might even be pretty scared about what's going on with your dad. I certainly would be, and I feel for you, because of that.

I can also tell you that you really want to protect your kid. I don't think that's a surprise to anyone. I still don't think a lawyer needs to be involved at this point. If there's really nothing going on here, you have no reason to worry if the FBI ever does call you or come to your house. Maybe make sure you're not keeping any weed around or something if you think they're going to roll up, but honestly, the FBI is not going to cart you off because you got some sticky yiki in your kitchen drawer. They're not going to take your son away if they don't find anything threatening or harmful to him. I just want to reassure you here. Again, if they do call you or they do come over, lawyer up right away, but they're not going to do that. I do think it's also wise to protect your

son from his grandfather. I would not let your son be alone with him. Probably goes without saying, you're not even talking to him right now, so I'm not too worried about it. But this is just giving off weird flags. Like, why is he focused on this totally bizarre, non-issue? I don't know. Gabe, what do you think? Yeah, I mean, it's interesting that the letter was initially asking about how to find a lawyer, whether to find a lawyer, but I'm more concerned about getting his dad some help, I think. He sounds a little paranoid. He sounds vaguely delusional, if that's fair to say. I wonder if it's gotten worse with age, as you point out, you know, as you age, your frontal lobe deteriorates, as we all know, and your executive functioning starts to go, right? That's why, when you have

like a crazy uncle at Thanksgiving dinner who can't control every opinion that occurs to him. He just has to like get it out. That might explain his lack of judgment, his lack of self-censoring when it comes to some of these more disturbing thoughts. If he's willing, could you get him a psyche valve or a medical workup, just a basic medical workup? I think that would give both you and your dad some more information to work with because if there is something there, something that would explain some of this behavior, it would be much easier to talk about and it would be a lot more productive to bring up with him than just saying, hey, dad, you're freaking me out with this crazy sex talk. Like, stop it, or I'm not going to let you come into my house or whatever. By the way, is your mom still alive?

Is she still involved in the family? Could she be part of the solution? If she is, that would be really helpful so you don't have to shoulder this alone. You haven't mentioned her, so maybe she's not in the picture, but just wanted to call that out. Jordan, I'm curious to know, what's the truly upsetting thing here? Is it that his dad is becoming unhinged? Or is it that he's judging this guy? Or is it that he's forcing his son's sexual identity into some kind of box, you know, and shaming both him and his son for it, even though it sounds like it's really not about that at all? Yeah, it's just creepy, weird stuff. Like, look, Gabe, if I see a picture of a kid and he's wearing mom's lipstick and a wig, I don't think, your son's dressed in drag. I think, like,

oh, that's funny. Yeah, he's playing. He's just playing around. He's having fun. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think, like, oh, your son is a young gay man at age three. Like, it doesn't, that's a weird conclusion that's unhealthy and it's bizarre. It's not right. It's not something that normal people conclude from looking at things like that. And that wasn't even what we're looking at. The kid was wearing a bandana. Exactly. Like just a complete, ridiculous, illogical leap from one thing to another to like a weird sexuality thing. That's what's freaking me out about this. Yeah, I mean, initially I was going to chalk it up to a generational divide or a cultural divide. You know, your grandfather who comes from a different time and, you know, very hypermasculine, very rigid. You see a

putting on lipstick or wearing a headband, you assume that something weird is going on. But then he said that there was all this other stuff going on where he's made some bigoted comments and he's sort of talked about sexual stuff. He's accused the mom of having sex with a minor. I wonder how that played out. Yeah, also a minor. Like not you're having an affair. You're also having sex of the minor. Like what's your obsession with minors, like young people and sex? There's an obsession going on here that seems to be projecting out a lot of concerns that he has inside himself. And I don't mean to put him in a share that's a little unfair, but I'm just noticing a little bit of a pattern in this letter about this guy sort of pointing his finger at a lot of other people for things that they're not

even doing, but that are very real inside his own mind. So I would get clear on what you want to protect your son from. It sounds like it's about protecting him emotionally from your dad. If he's around him and the dad says something hurtful or inappropriate or just like totally off the reservation and way before he should even be bringing that stuff up with him, at least for now, that's the issue. So how can you manage those boundaries? How can you manage those expectations with your dad to keep your son protected? I think that's what we're really talking about. That could be limiting time that he spends with him.

It could be not letting him be alone with your son when he comes over, if he comes over. Or it could be saying something like, I want you to spend time with your grandson. I want to be in your life, but I'm really concerned about your health and I want you to see a doctor first and trying to get him some help. Drawing a boundary, we talk about this all the time on Feedback Friday because it's such a recurring theme. You know, it's so tough, but it is necessary. and your dad will react to that boundary in some kind of way. You have to decide whether you're willing to tolerate the discomfort of your dad's reaction and uphold that boundary despite it. You know, ultimately, the way he reacts to you drawing the line will say more about him than about you, but it is going to happen. And look, these boundaries can change. If your dad seeks help, if he gets better, if you guys have a conversation and start to work on some of this stuff, that can change down the line. But what we're really talking about is what kind of relationship do you want to have with your dad and what boundaries are you willing to draw to manage that relationship and keep your son away from this, frankly, this craziness. Yeah, I think that's healthy. I don't really know what's going on here, but it doesn't sound

right. Like if your dad hasn't always been super bizarre like this, maybe something else is going on, and it would be good to get a handle on that. You know, you don't want to find out later that he's got some sort of like brain tumor that's making him act weird and you never looked into it because you were pissed off at him. Stuff like that can happen too. It's a little far-fetched he's possibly just being an a-hole, but, you know, it doesn't hurt to check. if he's willing to even do it. You're listening to Feedback Friday here on the Jordan Harbinger Show. We'll be right back.

And now, back to Feedback Friday on the Jordan Harbinger show. All right, what's next? Hey, Jordan. I need some advice on the weirdest work request I've ever received. I was contacted recently by a friend of a friend who owns a rural property in Southern California. He lives in Costa Rica, and when he came back for a visit, he found a new lock on his gate and a group of people growing a lot of marijuana. They told him they lease the property for $30,000 from some guy.

They don't have the proper permits to grow so many plants. The property owner is trying to keep the law out of it, because if the law gets involved, he'll only have 10 days to destroy all of the plants. Apparently in California, the property owner is the one who would be punished legally and financially for this, not the grower. So he's posted a three-day or quit notice to hopefully make them leave the property, but they've made no attempts at dealing with the situation. I'm a landscaper, and he's asked me to eradicate the marijuana if they're

They don't. No way. Oh my gosh. Okay. My dilemma is, I don't know what these people are capable of. I don't know how much time and money they stand to lose if the crop is destroyed. I also don't know who they might be supplying or growing for. I feel like it would be fairly safe if they were a police presence while I was there working. But the property owner doesn't want the law involved. I really don't want to get injured because someone is guarding their financial future. What would you do? Sincerely, from landscaping to landscaping. Okay, wow, so much wrong with this one. I'm really glad you wrote in or you might be in some serious hot water. Or just, you know, dead. Run. Don't walk away from this job. There are a couple big reasons for absolutely not doing this gig. One, in landlord tenant law, again, I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer, etc. This is not legal advice. In landlord tenant law, there's a doctrine called no self-help. Not the good kind of self-help. It means no taking things into your own hand. So no changing locks. No blocking access to the road or the driveway or the property. You're cutting off the water or the electricity. You can't destroy property, that sort of thing, the stuff you're describing. Here, the cannabis is the property of the subletter, even if they're growing it illegally. Also, that's evidence. If this turns into a criminal case, what you don't want to hear from the police and the prosecutor is where's all the cannabis? Oh, we'd whacked it and then I burned it on site, which is why the neighbors have all been watching Netflix and ordering Chinese takeout for the last week and a half. I mean, also, this is dangerous, man. I'll get into that in a little bit here, but you are liable, potentially, if you destroy this cannabis because you're aware of it, right? If this turns into something else, like a criminal prosecution,

you don't even want to be on the radar as somebody who might have helped the criminals grow it or dispose of it in any way at all. You're aware of it right now, but no one knows who you are besides me, and I ain't going to say shit, man. You're also not really aware of it personally, because you haven't seen it, and for all anyone knows, you didn't believe your friend when he asked

you to get rid of a field full of marijuana, because he's a big joker and you just laughed the whole thing off, and you never did anything else, like right into this podcast and ask for advice. As I mentioned before, it is illegal to destroy the crop on behalf of the landlord. You are supposed to go through law enforcement and the courts for things like this. There is no sort of self-defense doctrine or anything in landlord-tenant law. The self-help is strictly prohibited in pretty much every instance. Also, man, this could be a cartel operation. Yes, it's Southern California. Yes, things are legalized here. That doesn't stop a grow operation from being gang or cartel affiliated. These guys or girls, I don't want to assume the gender of our esteemed drug traffickers in this example

here. They could be armed and dangerous. In fact, they probably do have armed security, either legit or not. Gangsters are legit qualified security. This is a $30,000 a month rental operation. they are probably growing at least a six-figure crop, multiple six-figure crop. If I'm growing that much cannabis, I have thugs keeping an eye on stuff, legal crop or not. And even if it's totally illegal and there's nobody at the house, you could still be civilly liable for destroying something that is not yours. And they probably, at the very, very, very least, have cameras there, if not dogs, thugs, and whatever else any sensible cash crop grower is going to have on the property.

I know from the people that grow up north and humble, there are armed people guarding these properties because if people know what they're doing, they will come by to a property, especially one that is not occupied. They will flush it with water, cut everything professionally, and leave before you get there. And every grower knows this. So they keep people in the property at all times. And people who've been robbed before and lost $100 plus $1,000 or more in marijuana, they don't keep a 17-year-old kid there or to smoking and reading all day. They keep people there who are armed because they know that that 17-year-old's just going to run and maybe have the foresight to call the sheriff on the way out who's going to take an hour and a half to get there, if not more, if they ever even go and they go, yeah, yeah,

problem is you got robbed. Yeah, that's what happened here. All right, I'll write down a piece of paper. They're going to keep people there that know how to stop the robbery from happening in the first place. That means those people are there. They're tough. They're used to dealing with other people. they are very likely armed legal or not, like I said. Now that all being said, your landlord buddy, he needs criminal defense representation ASAP. You need or he needs to hire a lawyer and contact law enforcement via the lawyer, not themselves, immediately. Because doing so, contacting law enforcement, especially via your attorney, is evidence of not participating in the crime itself. So there is something to be said for, hey, I'm having my lawyer call and say, my client is having this

problem, doesn't know what to do, don't make any statements to law enforcement yourself. Your landlord buddy should never actually speak to the police about this himself. He should refer every communication through his attorney. You know how the police say anything you say can and will be held against you? Lawyers are different because they are not being arrested. They're not being Mirandized. That's what that's called. They represent you.

They can speak for you, but they can't say things that you yourself are saying. They can speak on your behalf. They take away any chance, however small, that something you say can be used. against you. The government, so police and prosecutors, they cannot use lawyers' statements or admissions against you in court. It's called hearsay. There's an evidence rule that prohibits people. So, for example, if I'm doing something illegal and Gabriel hears that I'm doing it, because I told him, he can't say, yeah, Jordan said that he robbed that bank. That's hearsay. It's not admissible evidence. The government, the police and the prosecutors, they can use lawyer statements

or attorney statements to further the investigation, they can say, okay, we strongly suspected Jordan because his friend Gabriel ratted him out, but they can't use it against me in court. You didn't say it yourself. That's one big reason the hearsay rule of evidence exists in the first place, to stop people from speaking on your behalf,

talking out of their wazoo and incriminating you in a way that's unfair in a court of law. Another reason that your landlord buddy needs a lawyer, possibly also a landlord-tenant lawyer, not just a criminal lawyer, is because the official tenant, the legal tenant, who allowed the sub-lease in the first place, he's also in violation of the lease and of the law, and I'm sure multiple provisions of that lease

as well. You and your landlord buddy need to document everything that's going on, everything that you're doing from when you discover the crime to calling the attorney, what you know, what you don't know, what you're not sure, what you're speculating, what you've seen for yourself. Show this info to the lawyer. Do not show it to the police directly, of course. Your lawyer can handle that. You want your lawyer to be in control and be able to control the narrative here as much as possible. So remember, don't resort to self-help. Don't take matters into your own hands. Get representation, a lawyer, ASAP, because right now, your landlord buddy is collecting rent for an illegal activity for which he is aware. You're going to want to put a stop to that,

or you're being complicit by accepting the money. I won't tell your buddy not to accept rent anymore. I bet you his lawyer's going to tell him to stop taking rent. Or maybe the tenants pay it to the attorney in some sort of escrow account or something like that, some sort of trust. Your landlord buddy, he's going to want to avoid profiting off of a crime after becoming aware that the crime is taking place. That's how you're complicit. You're going to want to avoid that at all costs. Thanks to Mark Sedlander of Mancini Shank law firm down in L.A. for his help with this one. You might even want to have your landlord buddy contact Mancini Shank. They're pretty good at what they do. These are friends of mine.

They've been in business for a long time. We'll link to them in the show notes. This is a problem for which you need a lawyer to be ahead of it, not reacting to it. And you certainly don't want to destroy drug dealers' crops on your own just to try and take matters into your own hands. That's the worst possible idea. All right, Gabe, what's next? Hey, guys. I'm 33 years old and legally blind.

It's not great. I dealt with some depression and anxiety when I was younger as a result. I also had psoriasis and arthritis because of chronic inflammation due to my diet, which didn't help with the depression. Over the last few years, though, I've really turned things around for myself. I cut sugar, most carbs, and processed foods. I'm in as good as shape as I was when I was in high school. I have a good job that I love, and I just finished paying off my house this year. The one part of my life where I still can't make any ground, though, is in my relationships with women. I'm not a bad looking guy. I'm 6'3, I have a full head of hair, and as I mentioned, I'm very healthy now. Back in my college days,

I did decently well for myself on that front, but in the last 6 to 7 years, I haven't been on many dates, and my confidence is really lacking because of my eyesight. A lot of the standard advice is to tell the truth, be honest, and just ask someone out. So I did that with a girl I've known for a while, and she flat out told me she wasn't interested and has completely blown me off. It didn't destroy me like it would have when I was younger, which is good, but I really don't have any options, and I feel like I'm ready to take the next step in my life. I signed up for online dating, but I don't know how to address my blindness. I feel like I'll be written off immediately if I'm upfront about it. But I also don't want to keep this thing hidden. It's kind of a paradox. I need to boost my confidence with dating, but it's a blow to

my confidence if I'm honest about my situation. What approach should someone in my situation take? Do I just have to expose myself to potential rejection over and over again? Are there any obvious things I'm doing wrong? I really do try to stay positive, but no woman grows up dreaming of being with a man who can't drive and can't do a lot of the things that come with my condition. And it will only get worse with age. Thanks for your show. You guys help a lot of people signed, struggling to see the light. First of all, congratulations on taking charge of your health like this. You're taking care of your body. You're taking care of your mind.

It sounds like it wasn't easy and you've come a really long way. And that's amazing, man. I'm telling you, one of the hardest things to do in life is to own the variables that we do control, even when we're dealing with huge variables that we do not control. Like, for example, whether we can see. It's really impressive, man. I want to hand it to you. You should be proud of that.

Second, and as I've said before on Feedback Friday, we have to acknowledge that a person with a disability navigates the world in a different way from other people. That's just a fact. Blind people deal with problems that are very real, very challenging at times. So for me to just sit back and say, you know, like, don't worry about it, bro.

Just tell people you're blind. If they can't handle it, screw them, move on. It's only a problem if you make it a problem. That's some crap you hear from an Instagram life coach. That would be ridiculous. Frankly, it's insensitive. I hear what a blow this has been to your confidence and I understand how conflicted you are about owning and addressing your disability.

The reality is being blind is a challenge for you, often because other people sometimes perceive it to be a challenge for them, rightly or wrongly, which really sucks. It is what it is. You're not going to change everyone else. So the answer, obviously, isn't to pretend the problem does not exist. The answer is to change your relationship with your disability, learn to integrate it into your sense of self, and then develop some practical ways to make it work for you as best as you can. Here are a few thoughts on how to do that. And I don't have all the answers. But first,

I think, well, I just pretend to on Fridays. I think you really need to own and process everything that this disability brings up for you. That means acknowledging what being blind has been like for you, facing the fears and anxieties that it creates, understanding how this disability is shaping your identity, your thoughts, your sense of self. I'm also curious to know how your blindness has been treated outside of the dating context. How have your friends and families' reactions shaped the way that you feel about being blind. When you're rejected from anything, do you attribute it all to your blindness,

or are there other aspects of you, like your relational patterns with women, for example, that are playing a role here? Be honest about all of this to yourself and talking about it with other people. That's really important right now. I notice that you said you really do try to stay positive. I admire that. I really do.

But I think it's important not to deny what it is that you're experiencing to not use that positivity as a form of avoidance, invalidation, denial of the very real challenges that you are working through. I think that talking to a therapist could be really helpful here to work through the deeper stuff

that a disability brings up. There are therapists and psychologists who specialize in patients with disabilities, illnesses, chronic pain, issues like that. These psychologists can help you learn to accept this disability, integrate it, not allow it to be the entirety of your identity, but just a part of who you are,

and live a full life in the presence of this limitation. These people go by a few different names. I think health psychologist, behavioral medicine psychologist, rehab psychologist, definitely look into that. Like I said, you've come a very long way in your mental health. So I actually think you're in pretty good shape. But it sounds to me like you still have tremendous conflict around your situation, which is totally understandable. Until you deal with that, it's going to be hard to present yourself in the best possible way

to potential partners. And again, this is true of everyone, not just to people with a disability. Depression is depression, anxiety, is anxiety. Fear is fear. I think everyone listening right now is relating to these deeper feelings, even if they're not legally blind. I know I certainly can. As you work through this emotional and cognitive stuff, ideally with a professional, I think you're going to find it easier to relate to other people. Then if you call out your blindness from the get-go, you're going to be dealing with way less conflict and fear. And if you don't call it out immediately, you're going to be leading with a more secure sense of self. So this catch-22 you're caught in, do I keep it a secret,

build my confidence, or do I tell people and hurt my confidence? A lot of that's going to be resolved by how you feel about yourself and how you approach your disability. Maybe rejection won't be as painful. Maybe people won't reject you as often because you're approaching them more authentically. I hate that word. Every time I say it, I just want to slap myself in the face. Also, I wonder if you've tried dating other blind people? Maybe a dumb question. That's got to remove a lot of of the challenges of dating a sighted person, but I also know that you probably want to be able to to date lots of different people. I get it. I don't think you need to limit yourself. Reminds me of kind of a funny story. I spotted a friend of mine, this is years ago. I spotted a friend of mine in Vegas,

and I said, hey, what are you doing here? I'm going out to brunch. And he's like, yeah, I'm eating brunch here too. And I said, why don't we eat together, man? What's going on? He goes, oh, I'm with the group. And I go, oh, okay, no problem. And he saw that I was kind of feeling like, oh, well, okay, you're with your cool friends. And he goes, all right, here's the thing. I'm at a herpes dating club. We're having brunch. You're welcome to join us. Maybe don't mention it's a herpes dating club.

And I was like, oh, sure. And it totally makes sense, right? People who have herpes have to kind of be careful who they're dating because it's contagious. And so it was like this whole thing. And I went inside of the table and everybody was cool and nice and it was just a thing. It was just a huge group of people that kind of didn't talk about it.

And it became a non-issue because everybody had the same issue. And since that was out of the way, they could just be cool and normal. And that was it. Not that you have something that's contagious or is like, you know, look, there's an unfair stigma on being both blind and having herpes, I think, and that is an unfair stigma. My friend, by the way, he got it because his wife, his ex-wife, cheated on him with somebody, she got it and gave it to him. That really sucks, right? And as my buddy says, don't worry, man, it's not a big deal. If I didn't have herpes by now, I'd have herpes by now.

So I think that's a good way to look at it. It's funny. That story actually illustrates how important it is to process what it is and sort of learn how to own it. I mean, that sounds to be like somebody who's thought about it and figured out a way to. Yeah. I don't want to say live with it because it's not a death sentence and it's really, I would also say that over the last five, 10 years, I feel like as a culture, we've really come a long way in destigmatizing herpes, among other things. But like, the fact that he could sort of joke about it in that way speaks to the fact that he probably processed a lot of the feelings he had around it, especially given how he got it. That's a pretty terrible way to get it and have to deal with something you probably never thought you would have to deal with. So I think that it was a super sound advice, Jordan. Ultimately, I think this guy's goal is to work through this disability until he realizes that it does not define him. Yes, it will always affect him, sometimes in major ways, sometimes in ways that are painful because other people's feelings and biases and preferences can be hurtful. Let's be honest. But that doesn't mean that blindness is you.

You have blindness, but that doesn't mean that all you are is a blindness. person. You're a person who has a lot to offer other people. I really feel that from your letter. You have a serious commitment to growing as a human being. I love that. Like you said, you have a full head of hair. Awesome. The more you can work on the issues surrounding the blindness, the more I think you can get out of your own way and share yourself with other people. This is the Jordan Harpenter show, and this is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back. Thanks for listening and supporting the show. Your support of our advertisers keeps us going. Who doesn't love some good products and or You can always visit Jordan Harbinger.com

slash deals for all the details on everybody that helps support the show. And now for the conclusion of Feedback Friday. All right, what's next? Hey, Jays. I've always been the kind of person who cannot stay focused in class type settings, meetings, and conversations, though you wouldn't know it with my performance and my grades. Now with digital media, I'm loving the increased speed you can listen to things. I now find myself devouring books, podcasts, and YouTube videos at 3x speeds.

Here's the problem, though. I cannot listen to people talk unless they speak quickly and get to the point. If they don't, I find myself crawling out of my skin and getting highly frustrated. I know this is my problem and I do try to actively stop, but then I find myself thinking ahead of the conversation instead of being present. I think I project the frustration onto other people when in reality I'm frustrated at myself. In case you're wondering, I grew up in Florida, currently live in New England and I am in my mid-40s. I'm not on any medication or substances besides a few drinks now and again. Should I stop listening to things at faster speeds? How can I fix this?

Signed, stymied by Slow Talk and Saps. Well, it's good to know you're not on any medication or substances because that would have been my first guess. It does sound to me like there's a neurological component to this. It might be worth a consult with a psychiatrist to possibly diagnose. Also, worth at least a few sessions with a therapist to find out if there are any other causes. You've probably already done this. but certainly to explore the feelings of anger and frustration and the struggle to be present. I wonder if maybe you struggle to click in because you are avoiding certain feelings of being

connected to somebody or if you're preoccupied by other feelings, you might not even be consciously aware of. I could also be overthinking this. I also did some digging into the fast-talking states like the United States of America in each individual state. As you might imagine, the slowest talkers tend to be in the South. Mississippi, slowest talking state in the Union. The fastest talking state is actually Oregon. I thought it was going to be New York, but it's Oregon, followed by Minnesota, Massachusetts, and Kansas, which I didn't see coming. Florida, where you're from, is actually 17th. So definitely towards the top of the fast talking list. California, by comparison, is right in the middle at 23, which explains why I get so frustrated

with people. I typically talk at 2X. For a lot of people that listen to podcasts at 2X, they usually tank it down to 1.5. I take that as a compliment. That means you're probably listening to this podcast at 1.5 or even two right now. So upbringing might have something to do with it, but it sounds like there's a little more to it than that. I'm also like this. Like I said, it's tough. I find myself getting impatient with friends and family. It can be really hard for me to focus. I sometimes snap at people when they're slow. If they can't finish the sentence, it really irks me. I find myself almost wanting to just clap and be like, hello, it doesn't do me any favors. It never works for me. and I find that distractions like this, it's like a workout for your focus.

You know, you just have to keep bringing yourself back to it. It doesn't make it any easier, but it does get easier over time. Gabe, since I've already proven myself bad at this exact same thing, I'm curious what you have to say about getting impatient during a conversation. Oh, interesting. I didn't know that you struggled with this as much as you do, although I do know that you listen to books at like 5X. Yeah, I listen at 3x, 2.5X, depending on the book.

Yeah. That's wild. Well, I do think that this guy could practice by catching himself drifting and bring his attention back to the conversation at hand, the present moment. Boring. Speed it up, Gabe. It is a form of everyday meditation, noticing your thoughts starting to wander, bringing them back. But in everyday contexts, in everyday conversation. I wonder if listening to things at slower or normal speeds would help sort of retrain his brain if that's even possible, see if that helps. But I don't think the podcast speed thing is causing this.

It sounds to me like it was sort of their. before that and this just made it possible for him to indulge the desire for everything to go by faster honestly dude listening to a book at one x there's a special place and if i go to hell it's going to be a place where i'm listening to audiobooks at one x and they're like hi thanks for buying our audiobook from kindle we hope i just i'm immediately like speak faster i get like really erked by that especially with self-help books right when there's like a word from our publisher Oh, okay. Just, yeah, like, I don't care what your publisher has to say. Really don't care. If he's going to say it, say it at 3x. I do think it would be smart to see a psychiatrist or a doctor to find out if there is some kind of medical diagnosis, talk to a therapist, yes, deeper other causes, feelings that it brings up. Even if you can't fix the underlying thing, you can learn how to cope with it and figure out why this gets you so riled up. Like, that's what I would be most interested in. I do think that anybody in this situation could choose to be a little more patient and a little more kind when people are talking slower. than they'd like. I know you're mentally punching me in the head right now, dude, for saying that,

but it is true. Expecting the world to conform to your precise needs at every moment is irrational. And let's be honest, looking at you, Jordan, kind of narcissistic. A little bit narcissistic, yeah. Chop, chop, Gabe, let's go. We obviously disagree on this. That's okay. I'm going to talk even slower to piss you off as I've conclude this answer. Yep. Definitely working. I would meet people where they are. I would try to appreciate the way that they communicate, even if it's not exactly how you prefer to be spoken to. And remember that they might be just as frustrated by you not listening to them as you are frustrated by them not talking faster.

That's a pretty good point. That's a pretty good point. I had not thought about people being as frustrated with me being like, I can actually check my email in between your words because you're so slow. That had not occurred to me that other people, speaking of narcissistic, it never occurred to me how other people perceived this particular situation. I love when somebody writes in with a letter that you could have written to us to try to dissect. But I do.

Maybe I am. But you know what? Stymied by slow talking saps. You might be. It sounds like you are. It sounds like you might be right now. But I also think that this guy's not alone. And the fact that we can listen to things faster does not help.

I mean, it's training us to be able to listen to things the way we want as opposed to the way other people intended us to listen to them. That's a problem. Did you see that whole controversy about how Netflix was thinking about offering 1.5 and 2x? Yep, I was just thinking about that, yeah. And like Judd Apatow or some other sort of Hollywood, you know what, was like, we're going to win, we're not going to allow this. And everyone was like, dude, what if I want to catch up on something I've already seen? And I'm trying to rewatch the last season or I'm reviewing something.

Hello. And like, he had no response to that. It was like everything has to be viewed the way that I intended it, et cetera, et cetera. It's an interesting sort of tension, right? It is super interesting. I'm going to come across as a total Hollywood A-hole right now and say that I agree with him. I think that it's a little bit different when it comes to, say, a YouTube video or a book, although you could argue that a book is just as meaningful to the author as a TV show is to Judd Apato. But I think what the difference is is that when you make art, you make it in the way that you intend people to consume it.

So if you're trying to make this really beautiful movie and then Netflix, who did not physically produce the movie, did not write it, who did not direct it, says, I'm going to give people the option to watch it twice as fast. I think that could be messing with the artist's vision. and I know that sounds really highfalutin, but I actually do think that there's something to be said for that. I agree. I think about it like, what if I just want to rewatch the last season of Game of Thrones because I'm about to watch like the finale?

And I'm like, oh, my God, it's been six months. Yeah, that's fair. I can understand that. I get that. You're not forcing people to watch it at 2X. You're just offering them the option. It ruins it. If you watch everything at that speed,

most people are not going to watch things the first time at 2X. It's interesting. I see what you're saying. You're saying it's not telling them they have to. It's just giving them the, choice. But to artists, they feel like if you give people the choice to watch it, you're not just giving them a choice to consume it differently. You're giving them the choice to change my thing that I made. So should people be able to listen to podcasts at 2X? I don't know. Now I'm starting to wonder because I'm like,

what's the difference really between like if someone's listening to this and I'm like, fucking Gabe is just talking so goddamn slowly. Like, yeah. I should be able to listen to this faster and I will. Like why is that different from watching the Irishman, which you do to be fair is like three hours long. Right. If there's ever a movie that you probably want to get through faster, it might be that one. So I don't Yeah, because you and I are speaking as fast as we can talk, right? So I naturally, I think very quickly. So I speak very quickly. No, but I mean, I'm speaking at the speed of thought. You don't have to wait for me to think of things. If you're consuming it, you should be able to consume it at the speed that you can consume it, whereas I can only produce it at the speed, which I can produce it. That's a really good point. That's a good point. If you listen to five of the episodes of the Jordan Harbinger show in a week, I'm not going to be like, hey, I only produce three. Why are you listening to five? Good. I want you to listen to 10. Listen to 20 a week. good. I'm not going to like throttle you because that's the speed at which I produce these things. So why should I dictate the speed at which you can consume my thoughts and my tips and my speech and my

interviews? You know, you should be able to consume it at the speed that you are able to understand it. If you're listening faster than you can understand, you're wasting your time, not my problem. You know, I know you're a lawyer and you're not my lawyer, but that was a damn good argument as a lawyer. Now I have to think about that. The defense rests. The defense fucking sits back and smashes a claw after that one. Bam. Yeah. I mean, is there a difference between podcasts and movies? That's what I'm going to be thinking about for the rest of this week. There is, but look, you're listening to me right now for education and entertainment, whatever, you know what edutainment means. You're maybe watching documentaries, though. You want to get the lowdown on this anti-vax documentary because you're

watching five of them. You're going to interview some anti-vaxer. I don't need to like wait for your dramatic introduction to finish. I just want to consume that crap as fast as possible. If it's Friday night, though, I should just be like, all right, one-X. You know? why not? More choice is better with media. Yes, you can have analysis paralysis and like paradox of choice issues, but me deciding to watch something faster. Like Vimeo doesn't have speed control. I had to download a hack for it. And there's a plug-in by the way called Vimeo Speed Control. I always use it because why should I wait for like an exercise instructor to do five reps when I can just be like, got it next. You know, that's what I'm talking about. Anyway,

this is another debate for another day. All right, last but not least. Hey team. After being laid off, I'm currently in the process of networking and making a career shift. Using strategies from your show, I secured cold calls with higher up employees at two different dream companies. In both instances, I had a 30-minute informational call where I asked for book recommendations. I finished these books within seven days. My question now is, how do I move from a cold call to a job offer? I plan to reach out and say I finish the book and provide some of my thoughts. I'm not sure if I should provide an additional ask with that or what my next move should be to progress. rest the relationship in the right direction. Since my goal is a job and not just, you know, mentorship, I'm curious if I need to take a different approach to developing the relationship. Cheers and thank you and your team for all that you do, shooting for the moon job. Well, first of all, props to you for taking action and setting up those calls so quickly. This is an amazing example of how networking is really your best insurance policy. I love that you ran with the lessons from the show. I also really like the idea to ask for a book

recommendation. As long as that's coming from a genuine place, it's a smart way to expand your knowledge and show that you're interested and create an organic reason to reach back out to that person. So that's really nice. Good one. I think you're struggling here because you're torn between two different intentions. One intention is to build a meaningful relationship. The other intention is to get something concrete out of them, so in this case a job. The problem with that mindset, and I use the term problem loosely, because I think a lot of good networkers find themselves in this position, is that you're going into these conversations with a desired outcome in mind.

That outcome then hangs over the whole relationship. So sure, you're reading the book, you're sharing your thoughts, but you're not doing it because you want to deepen the relationship in general. You're doing it because you are hoping they will see you as an attractive candidate. Then every email or call you have with them is sort of tinged with this unspoken, kind of awkward expectation, which is, I'm only talking to you because, to use your words, I want to progress the relationship in the right direction. I'm sure these people are picking up on that too. That's why you're confused about what the next movie is. I kind of get this a lot. There are people in my inbox that are

like, hi, how are you? How's Jaden doing? What else is going on? I saw the fires. It's like small talky, but then every time I respond, there's like more and more. I don't, look, I love talking with everyone who writes to me, even if you do want something. I enjoy it. But, there's a real difference between people who just kind of check in and go, oh, I thought of this funny thing that I heard on the show today because I saw this. Here's a photo. That's fun. I don't know what it is, Gabe. I can't put my finger on it, but I can really tell. Yeah, you can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel when, like, an alarm went off on their calendar that said, talk to Jordan about something, and then I get this, like, weird generic text.

Yeah, there's like a little weird subtext that you're picking up on. Yeah. And I have systems in six-minute networking that are check-ins. But even then people go, did I come up on your list? And I'll go, you know it, baby. And they're like, I get a year for you. But when I get it from somebody and they want something and it's not even just an alarmed check-in, I'm just like, I can just feel it. And it's not a sixth sense. It's the way that you communicate.

There's no like metaphysics here. It's really the way that these people communicate. I'm just, I know that they're leading into something. And it becomes really obvious. This is why you need to dig the well before you're thirsty. I know I sound like a broken record. The emails I get like this all the time, they just make me want to go see. I told you, imagine what these conversations would be like if you'd reached out to these people six months ago.

Imagine if you read that book six months ago, and he had a great conversation with them with zero agenda. And then slowly deepened the relationship over the following months. Then, when you needed a job, you could just reach out and say, look, I got laid off, I'm looking for a new gig. I would love to interview at your company. Do you think that's even possible? It would not be weird if you did that. Wouldn't that have been nice? That's what digging the well before you're thirsty really means.

So to answer your question, do I need to take a different approach in developing a relationship? Yeah, you totally do, but not for the reasons you think. You need to take the approach of wanting to genuinely connect with people with no immediate expectation of getting something in return. And you need to be able to do this with a lot of people right now, long before you need it for next time. That said, I don't mean to be a total downer here about these conversations you're having. I think they're great. I think you're doing a lot of good stuff. I think you should keep doing them.

And if the moment feels right, sure. Ask them if they have any openings. Ask them if they can give you some advice. It's not the worst thing in the world to ask for something specific if the other person is open to it. It's just a lot easier and frankly way more fun when the foundation has already been laid in advance. So I would start thinking like that so you don't find yourself in this situation again in a few years. All right. Gabe, anything to add?

No, I think that's great advice. All right. Well, thank you very much, Gabe. Hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. Go back and check out the Green Prince, Massab Hassan, and Commander Chris Hadfield, if you haven't yet. If you want to know how I managed to book all these great guests, it's about the systems and the tiny habits that I use in building relationships. Please do check out our six-minute networking course, which is free. That's over on the think-gific platform at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course.

Everyone when I write to them, they'll write to me like, hey, love the show, just want to say hi. I'm like, hey, how's six-minute networking going, oh, well, now that you're asking me, I'll do it. Just do it. Why don't have to bug all you guys? Come on. Dig the well before you get thirsty. I wish I knew this stuff 20 years ago.

This has been a life-changing thing for me. Find it all for free at Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at Jordan Harbinger. com. Transcripts in the show notes. There's a video of this interview on our YouTube channel at Jordan Harbinger. com slash YouTube. I'm at Jordan Harbinger on Twitter and Instagram.

You can also hit me on LinkedIn. in. This show is created in association with Podcast One and my amazing team. That's Jen Harbinger, J. Sanderson, Robert Fogart, Ian Baird, Millie Ocampo, Josh Ballard, and of course Gabriel Mizrahi. Keep sending in those questions to Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. Our advice and opinions and those of our guests are their own. I'm a lawyer, not your lawyer. Do your own research before implementing anything you hear on the show and retain counsel if you think you need to. Remember, we rise by lifting others. Share the show with those you love, and if you found this episode useful, somebody else needs this kind of advice, share this episode with somebody who can use the advice we gave here

today. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time. I keep thinking about which are my favorite episodes, and I wanted to give you a quick bite of the episode I did with Barr rescues John Taffer. He's a real character and delivers business advice in a fun, entertaining way. I think in another life, he would have been some sort of mafia boss or something like that, but instead, he teaches people how to make a legit living in their industry. Here's a quick preview of our conversation. If you're not honest with yourself, then how do you ever move your life in a positive direction? Because you're starting from a point to fantasy. Nobody can succeed if you're not

honest with themselves. Revenue cures all. You know, when I talk to people in business seminars and you're saying, you know, John, my labor costs is high, my marketing costs is high, my promotion cost is high. My tech cost is high. But if I could raise your revenue by 30%, you wouldn't have pet cost problems anymore. You wouldn't have labor cost problems. So it's the ultimate pacifier of every problem that exists in our lives. If we focus on top line, which means I wake up in a morning and the first thing I do is how do I monetize myself right now? How do I drive revenue? That is the first thing I have to do today. Then I can deal with all the other things that I have but there's nothing more important to an entrepreneur than revenue.

And if they don't wake up every morning and think about revenue first thing, probably shouldn't be an entrepreneur. And I'm going to say something that's going to upset some people. Sometimes when I go to these businesses and I see a bartender, people say he's been a bartender for 10 years, he should be the manager. No, if he's been a bartender for 10 years and he hasn't bubbled up, then he's the last guy who should be. Some people are comfortable where they,

and you promote him right out of the company. That guy who's been a bartender for 10 years, leave him alone. The person who's not comfortable, who's bubbling up on their own, that's the one who should be promoted, even if they've only been leaving for a couple months. I don't believe that you can make a leader. I don't believe you can train a leader. I don't believe you can make a leader. The Pied Piper, you would have followed him off a cliff.

Leadership is born. It's not kidding. For more No Nonsense Business Advice with Bar Rescue Star John Taffer, check out episode 142 of the Jordan Harbinger Show. This episode is sponsored in part by Something You Should Know podcast. Finding a new great podcast shouldn't be this hard, so let me save you some time. If you like the Jordan Harbinger show, you'll probably like something you should know with Mike Carruthers. It's one of those shows that makes you smarter in a practical, useful way.

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