The Jordan Harbinger Show - 56: How to Avoid the Psychic Con | Feedback Friday

Episode Date: June 15, 2018

Jordan (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason (@jpdef) are back to banter every week and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday on The Jordan Harbinger Show! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [e-mail]. Now, let's dive in! On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: Do you believe in fate? If you're asked your opinion about something, how do you avoid just repeating person one if you're person two? When you're in high school, how do you maintain rapport with your teachers outside of the classroom without making things awkward? How do you end a mismatched relationship for good and make the other person understand your reasons? Is there a reason not to testify anonymously in a big case if you have the option? Should we better preface the gender of who's writing the letters we read on the show? Recommendation of the Week: Survivor's Guide to Prison Quick shoutouts to Rana Batyske and John Raynaud, the GM at Pizza My Heart! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [e-mail]! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course!  Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally! Full show notes and resources can be found here.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode is sponsored in part by Conspiruality Podcast. You know how I'm always talking about critical thinking and spotting manipulation? Well, there's a podcast that's all about dismantling new age cults, wellness grifters, and conspiracy med yogis, basically the wild overlap of spirituality and misinformation. It's called the Conspiruality Podcast. The hosts, a journalist, cult researcher, and a philosophical skeptic, dive deep into how this stuff spreads, from Project 2025 and the Heritage Foundation's dystopian vision of the future to how former leftists get pulled into far-right conspiracies.

An interesting episode to checkout is called Speaking Truth to Goop, where Jen Gunter breaks down the pseudoscience behind the wellness industry in a way that is super entertaining and eye-opening. It's sharp, funny, and makes you a lot harder to fool, which, if you listen to this show, you know I'm all about that. From exploring cults to analyzing our cultural and political landscape, the Conspiratuality Podcast will help you stay informed against misinformation and resist fear tactics.

Find Conspirality on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger, and I'm here with producer Jason DeFilippo. Here on the Jordan Harbinger show, we love having conversations with our fascinating guests,

and this week we had Barry Katz. He is one of the most iconic comedy managers around. He's discovered everyone from Dave Chappelle to Whitney Cummings, and he just, interesting stories, of course, and also had a lot of insight into not over-complicating winning, which I thought was an interesting point. And we ran a little bonus,

episode on Thursday with Mary Lou Jepson, who talks about neural imaging and how that's going to change everything. That's going to be just crazy. I still can't get over that. We're going to be able to read people's dreams and stuff like that. I can't wait. Anyway, our primary mission, of course, is to pass along these people's and our experiences and insights to you. That's the point of the show. In other words, the real purpose of this show is to have conversations directly with you, and that's what we're going to do here today on Feedback Friday. You can reach us at Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. And of course, we've got our Alexa skill.

If you want to get little bits of the show with your breakfast in the morning, your little daily brief, you can go to Jordan Harbinger.com slash Alexa, and it will install there. So, Jason, speaking of reading the dreams from Mary Lou Jeppson, does that freak you out? Are you excited about that? I am kind of on the fence with that, because I know what privacy laws are, and I also know how big companies in cloud data actually protect your data. I think that basically once this becomes a thing and you put your dreams in the cloud, everybody's going to know who you are. Let your freak flag fly.

And everybody's going to know what everybody's into. The problem with that is if you're into something that nobody is really into, like, oh, I don't know, kids, then you might have a problem. That's where this comes into play or murder or I'm thinking, I'm dreaming about killing my wife. But we also know that dreams don't actually mean anything because that's the brain's cleanup process during the evening. And it's not anything that really matters that much. So it's going to be really interesting when this stuff goes out there because dreams in the cloud is what I'm terrified of. Yeah. So yeah.

So to answer your question, yes, I'm actually terrified of it. But I still want to see my own dreams, you know? Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah. I want to be able to go back and I'm like, what was I going through? I want to scrub back and see that because then you can write a really good screenplay from it. It'll remind me, it reminds me a little bit of James Fallon where he finds out he's a psychopath during a brain scan. Imagine watching your own dreams.

You're going to be like, oh, man, I am a weird mofo, dude. Yeah. Oh, God, why was I screwing a donkey? Oh, God, that's just not right. That's not right. We'll be like, so, Doc, these don't really mean anything, right? They just, they're just, I heard it's a brain's cleanup process. It doesn't mean anything, though, right?

mean anything. Right. So it just means I'm watching a lot of anime, right? Okay. Cool. Okay. Just check it. Just check it. All right. What's the first thing out of the mailback? Wanted to know if there was any part of you that believes in fate. I realize how odd this question sounds. I ran into a nutty palm reader over a decade ago who had no idea who I was and who told me I'd be very successful one day and that I would have something to do with cars. She went on about how she never does this, blah, blah, blah, but had to tell me. It was completely unsolicited. She proceeded to tell me, I needed you to know that you're going to be very wealthy and successful. Just count on your path.

I don't know what that means. Do you know? No, it just doesn't mean anything. This is any sort of cold read. It just means whatever the person interprets it to be. I'll get into that in a second. It's like a low-rent fortune cookie. Yeah, pretty much.

Yeah. Of course, I was weirded out. Well, here's the thing. I don't really care about cars. And even weirder, my brother eventually went on to become a huge success in, you guessed it, cars. Like biggest salesman in the world successful in cars. I'm not exaggerating. He's closing in on the world record again this year.

My question, do you believe a version of our path is set the day we were born? Or can it be possible that one small step left instead of right can change everything? I know it sounds strange to pontificate about something like this. You guys aren't experts necessarily in this field, but I do respect your opinion. Sincerely, Mr. Fate debate is at stake. Nice. I can tell you thought of that one. I am, however.

I actually didn't. That actually wasn't mine. Oh, was it? Oh, okay. You know, that one's not mine. But yeah, yeah. I am an expert in this, namely, in, we're. both experts in this. In BS. Yeah, because I went to law school and I've been doing the show for a

really long time. So I am an expert in Bologna. Look, this... You have a PhD in BS. That's right. That's right. This is fake. Anytime anyone is giving you a cold read, it's fake. Okay, so a long time ago, I'll illustrate with an example. There was a kid who was coming to one of our events. His name is Rajesh. And he said, hey, Jordan, I think that this psychic thing might. actually be real. And I said, what are you talking about? And he goes, I went to a fair at college, and they had a palm reader, and she said, all these things that were true about me. And I said, oh, really? Okay, well, don't tell me what they are. I'm, and I hit, by the way, we were talking on the live chat on our website. So I've never met this guy. All I know is his name is Rajesh. Okay,

that's all I knew about him. And then he was registered for one of our events. So I said, no, this is fake. And I said, don't tell me what the palm reader had told you. But, I'm going to tell you the following. I said, all right, well, oh, sorry, I also knew he was a graphics designer of some kind. That's all I knew about him. Okay. So I said, well, you know, your parents are a little bit more conservative. They're from the old country.

They don't really understand what you do. They don't understand what you do and why it has value. And they don't understand your urge or your need to be creative in your life and in your work. And, you know, they actually wish that you were maybe leaning towards a profession, like an engineer or a doctor. or a lawyer or something along those lines, preferably, I don't know, maybe preferably preferably engineer, but actually doctor, I feel like your mother really wishes that you were a doctor. Your mom might be a little bit more supportive than your father with what you do, but not by a whole lot.

And your siblings are having similar problems, although your siblings have maybe done, if you have any, do you have siblings? Yeah, okay, you have siblings. Maybe they've done a little bit better, or maybe it's cousins that have done a little bit better and they're comparing you to them. And he goes, oh my gosh, I can't believe it. And then I thought for a second he was going to say, are you psychic, Jordan? But what happened was he's an Indian dude who's a graphic designer.

Of course your parents want you to be a doctor. Everybody knows that. Yeah, exactly. Okay, but when you're in it, you don't think, oh, gee, there's some clearly readable cultural signals here. So, and yes, he has a sister. She, I don't remember what she did, but she was being compared with him a lot or vice versa, I should say. He was being compared with her a lot. And, of course, the parents are like, your cousin's a lawyer, your other cousin's a doctor.

Why are you a graphic designer? I don't understand what you do. But of course, his mother being his mother, was a little bit more compassionate, but not by much. And his father was really always giving him stuff about it. And he just could not believe how well I read the situation. It's not hard. If you have a little bit of cultural background, if you've got a little bit of idea about what a culture wants or what parents typically want for a kid in a certain area or of a certain ethnicity,

you can do this so easily. And in fact, Jason, I don't know if you want to. to run this clip, but I was on Eric Bigger's podcast and also on podcast one. And he was talking about astrology or something like that. And I was like, no, it's all fake. And there was a female co-host that he had. And we're going to include a photo in the show notes if you want to see her. But I basically gave her this cold read where I said something like, oh, you're of mixed heritage and her parents, this.

And if you want to take a look at the photo, it's not 100% obvious, but it's also not exactly psychic of me to have made the guesses that I made. And I've done this with lots of people in the past. It is really easy for someone to cold read anyone else, even over the internet. So, beware of these things. It's not always a scam. Some people genuinely believe they can do this because they have some kind of powers. But their only power, like the photographer at the wedding who prompted this letter, her only power is a little bit of self-delusion combined with a lack of awareness that their so-called intuition is really just, this is her subconscious brain putting together readily observable facts that are right in front of her eyes.

And I'll also note that in the above example that you read earlier, Jason, that woman didn't get anything about the question right or correct. Not one thing. She sort of touched on something his brother did, right? His brother, exactly. There are cars in his zeitgeist. Right. And it's like, oh, there's a car.

And how many people deal with cars? Everybody. Well, yeah, but think about it like this. She was a photographer at a wedding. Okay, what's a wedding? A family event? Was his brother there? Was this his family?

If this is his family, she just overheard a conversation, honestly, or knew something about somebody else. And if he's a world record holder in car sales, do you think maybe she knew that before she came to the wedding? You know what? Pre-selecting the audience is one of the things that these people do. Yeah. I was a back in the day, I got suckered in to John Edwards.

Do you know who he was? One of the candidate, presidential candidate. No, no, different one. I'm just kidding. John Edward, John Edward had a show on sci-fi where he would read everybody every night. And I got suckered into this thing because I was a kid. And I didn't know any better. And I'm like, holy shit, this guy can talk to the dead because he's doing all this stuff.

Because I didn't understand how, A, editing worked. Right. I didn't know how pre-sal. election worked. I didn't know that magic was a thing. There's so many things that went into the sci-fi show that made him look like he was a magician talking to the dead. We talked to Penn on our show previously before this show. And he talked about James Randy, who, by the way, is the master debunker of all time. So if you want to know what's going on, follow James Randi. Andy. And you can follow Michael Shermer. That will be linked in the show notes. These guys will

teach you how these people do that stuff. And it's it's bunk. It's total bunk. Yeah. If you ask an actual, well, a so-called, I should say actual magician, so-called mentalist, right? Somebody who performs this stuff, they, during their show, they won't tell you this, but they will tell you that this is fake. This is a skill they practiced. It's a set of trickery. There's no supernatural powers going on here. There's nothing that says your fate is predetermined. Nothing actually happened here at all. This is just a woman who either deliberately or accidentally overheard something, selected an audience, came up and told you something, and wasn't right, frankly, was not right.

She was right about your brother either by accident or on purpose. And the fact that I can do this without any prep to somebody that I'm staring at is, should be testament to the fact that anybody who's, really planning on doing this and does it for a living to scam people out of their money, it's going to be much better at it than me. Go check out Penn & Tellers Bullshit Season 1, Episode 1. That will give you everything that you need to know about this field. When it's time to scale your business, it's time for Shopify.

Get everything you need to grow the way you want. Like, all the way. Stack more sales with the best converting checkout on the planet. Track your cha-chings from every channel, right in one spot, and turn real-time reporting into big-time opportunities. Take your business to a whole new level. Switch to Shopify. Start your free trial today.

All right, next up. Just finished listening to Episode 50. Woo-hoo! Love the future-oriented focus of the recent episodes. It was nice to hear Jason Sanderson's POV on some of the questions in episode 50. You're putting together quite the panel of different answers. I like the broadness of answers, so I'm interested to hear what all three of you have to say about this question. I've noticed lately in both professional and personal situations that

person two will repeat what person one just said. If I'm person two, I know that I'm repeating either A to share some slight nuance that they missed or B, to share an example to agree and support their point. But if I'm person one, I get frustrated at the repetition and think that person two either A, wasn't listening to what I just said, or B, is working through what I just said out loud and is internalizing it, or C, wants to take credit for the idea I just shared. I realize both of these sound extremely biased towards my own position, which I'd like to avoid. What is your take on how to navigate these situations in conversations? Thanks.

Supporter or subtractor? Interesting. So she's thinking that someone says something. the second person who says something is either trying to take credit for the idea or potentially, of course, that if she's the other person, she's just internalizing it. And this sort of is the story of everyone's life, right? We judge other people by their actions. We judge ourselves by our intentions.

That's so common. So I totally get this. When your person two, I would say preface your comment with, well, I agree with person one, and I'd like to add X. or I agree with all but the following point and then contrast your addition with the previous point. This way it doesn't just sound like you're saying the same thing as the person before you, which I agree could be annoying, especially in a workplace where it's like, oh, great idea, Jim. It's like, I just said that, right?

So you want to contrast it, you want to add to it. But if you do so, you have to make sure that you point out that the person before you said it. That way, it's not just you repeating something and trying to make it sound novel. And I think this is an easily solvable problem, but you're right. It is very common. This happens all the time, especially in meetings. What do you think, Jason? I feel like this is something that happens consistently and is really easily avoidable, but

most people are only thinking about themselves. I do. And I agree with what you said. You have to add something on to the comment after you say it. You know, they can say something. You can repeat it back to them and then go into your piece on the piece. I'm pretty sure that's what I just said. Thanks for stealing my idea.

That's exactly what you said. So yeah, that's what I'm doing here. Damn it. Hey, hey, man, I'm taking your advice. Come on. Don't be harsh, bro. All right, what's next? First of all, I love this show.

It's my absolute favorite podcast, and it has helped me in so many ways. I'm just finishing my junior year of high school, and I've run into a repetitive problem. Throughout the school year, I form really good relationships with my teachers, and we often become very close. However, if I don't have any other classes with those teachers the following year, I feel like I don't have any reason to talk to them. I understand that good rapport with my teachers is important for a lot of practical reasons such as recommendation letters and mentorship, but I also genuinely enjoy interacting with these people who have such a huge impact on my life. How do I maintain these good relationships outside of the classroom without making things awkward,

and while also keeping things semi-professional because they are still my authority figures. Thanks so much, Puzzled Pupil. So this is a really good idea. Actually, Puzzled Pupil is on to something. I wish I had done more of this back in my high school or even college career for that matter. Yeah, me too. Yeah, right? It seems like such a good idea to keep in touch with these people.

And yet we kind of just, all right, Max, what's next? Granted, when you're that age, usually so excited to get done with whatever. Get the hell out. Yeah. I want to leave so bad. I just want to get out of here. Yeah. But it is good.

And yeah, you can't really add the teacher to Facebook. You can't get their phone number and text them. It's super inappropriate. So what I would do... Well, not at their age. Once you graduate, you can. Yeah, of course. One of my best friends is my photo professor from college, but I can't find my photo professor

from high school and my radio teacher from high school. Those are the two people I really want to connect with and I can't find them anymore. and I feel bad that I didn't keep connections with them because they really built who I am. And it kind of sucks that you don't keep those connections. So definitely, I think we're going down that path where you should definitely kind of keep connections outside of the classroom. Yeah, I like this idea, puzzled people have. So what I would do is I would pop in every other month after school and ask for advice. Just, you know, every 60 days, ask for advice on something.

It's a good excuse to talk to them and keep in. contact with them and then once you leave school then yeah you can probably add them on Facebook you can use email it's not inappropriate anymore at that point it would definitely be inappropriate now during I don't even think they would add you I don't even think that you'd be able to find them on there to get that sort of personal contact but I would pop in every other month ask him for advice on what should I major in when I go to college how should I decide what school to go to what courses should I study in in my electives my senior year things they do differently

if they were your age again. Just get some general advice. Getting advice creates the Benjamin Franklin effect, which creates an affinity for you, and also is an easy, very appropriate topic. So if anyone's like, oh, what are you talking to Mr. Hart about? It's like, oh, I wanted some advice on which colleges that he thinks might be best because he's familiar with that. I was talking to Ms. Antic because I wanted to see what she thought of these particular electives

for my senior year. There's nothing weird about that. It's not weird to start that conversation. It's not weird for them to engage in that conversation. It's going to naturally lead to some small talk as well. And it's going to be totally fine. It's much better than, hey, I just wanted to see how you were doing. And they're like, oh, am I going to get in trouble for this? Because we get in trouble for everything, because we're teachers. And, you know, am I going to hear about this from your mom? Like, you want to take that off the table, right? So, yeah, every other month, probably not a whole lot more than that. Maybe every month, whatever. Pop in, ask for advice. you're all good. All right, what's next?

I'm writing in as a follow-up to my first time I emailed Feedback Friday on the old show. In summary, I'm Chinese, my parents are both physicians, and I'm an MD PhD student, an aspiring professor and researcher. My now ex-boyfriend had flunked both his culinary school and bachelor's degree. Also important details, I'm 27, and he's 32. I really appreciate your candor on the show, stating it could potentially be a, of values mismatch. I remember this girl. Do you remember her? Yes, I do remember her. Yeah. Well, in the ensuing months as I discussed with my therapist and really thought about a relationship, it became clear to me that it was indeed a values mismatch. He was spending 50% or more of his

time pursuing golfing and not focusing on his career. Meanwhile, 90% of my time goes towards my career. Additionally, many times I felt that when we discussed topics, he didn't understand the time and depth required to really know a topic and adamantly debated topics with a surface level understanding. My therapist also brought up the idea whether I felt our intelligence was matched. As a person who struggles with imposter syndrome and just believing that I'm intelligent, this was not something I thought was an issue in the beginning, especially during the honeymoon phase. Well, as time has told, it became a problem because I realized I couldn't speak to him about all the things I wanted to be able to discuss. I broke up with him recently, and he's not understanding why. Although he's

accepting my breakup, what I essentially told him was that I didn't see myself marrying him because I felt our values weren't matched when it came to career and work ethic, and I felt we were on different pages. I didn't want to delay because he's told me marriage is a priority for him, and it just isn't for me right now. After the breakup, he keeps wanting to talk and insisting that he's indeed career-driven. He's been waiting to get his bachelor's degree and hasn't gotten around to it for a decade and just isn't understanding the reasons I broke up with him.

How do you explain your reasons to someone who just doesn't view things the same way or can't seem to understand where I'm even coming from? Sincerely, mismatched match. All right. Well, so unfortunately, mismatched match, you have to explain why this is over.

This is not going to be a super comfortable conversation. You can spare his feelings like you have been. You don't have to say, hey, I think you're not as smart as me or something like that. You don't have to do that.

You're a dumbass. Get her done. Yeah, exactly. I would maybe leave that part out. But I would say, look, we have different priorities. We have different values. This is only going to get worse

in the long run. I really care about you, but this is an irreconcilable difference that I don't see getting any better. And, you know, I'm not able to wait any longer to make this happen for this to happen. It's going to cause a lot of problems in the future. And then you have to set firm boundaries and keep them.

And keeping them is the tricky part because unfortunately you literally, at least for a little while, you have to cut them off. There's no need to reply or indulge all of his, but why texts that are inevitably going to come in? the emails that are like, here's this whole tirade about how you made me feel bad. You know, you're going to get that stuff. You've already explained yourself, he's not going to be convinced by you to understand, okay? He has to accept what he's being told. He's not going to come around in any other way. He's just got to accept what he's being told.

In fact, actually, he already understands. He's just not accepting it because he doesn't like the outcome. There's a big difference between, I don't get why this is happening. I don't get why we're breaking up. There's a huge difference between that and refusing to accept reality, which is where it sounds like he is now. It sounds like he just doesn't want to accept it. Not that he doesn't really, I don't understand what you mean. And look, if he doesn't understand conceptually why, then maybe you're proving yourself right

and maybe he isn't smart enough here because he's just going to be in denial here. I would say feel free to put your concerns in an email or a note in writing very, very clearly. And then you don't have to reply to his communication for the next couple of months. Yes, it'll be hard, but he's literally told you that he doesn't intend to leave you alone. So if you string him along at all, even unintentionally, like, oh, well, here's what I mean by this. Here's what I mean by that. You're just going to set the process off all over it again, and that's not what you want. You're just, you're not winding it down.

People think they're winding it down when they replied all this stuff. They think they're setting it down easy. No, no, no, no. Right. You're just hitting reset on the clock, the countdown clock every single time you have contact. You're not creating it. It's like it lost when the clock is coming down. You have to like press the button over and over again.

It doesn't work that way. Right. Yeah, it doesn't work this way. You're not setting them down easy by gradually explaining everything. You're just hitting reset on the clock and keeping the wound fresh. That's not what you want. Last but not least, and I hope it doesn't come to this. But if you so much even get a friggin' whiff of anything dangerous coming from him,

like some kind of threat of violence or him hinting at that or him showing up at school or work after you've told him not to, notify the school, notify your place of employment, notify your family, notify the police. And if you're close enough to them, and I mean that in like the emotional sense, notify his family as well. Because you don't want to let this escalate. If he starts showing up or won't leave you long, you've got to tell everyone. about this. So best of luck and let us know how it goes, because this is not an easy situation, I feel for you because you care about him, but you're going to have to set firm boundaries. And if you don't, you're going to regret it. All right. Next up.

I have a daughter who graduated from a notable journalism school last year and is working a dream job in New York. She recently asked for my advice and I'm not sure how to reply. There's a rather high profile harassment case, both sexual and verbal, of a professor from her school. More than 20 female students and co-workers have filed complaints against the professor, and my daughter was deposed as a witness last week. She's been given the option to remain anonymous or put her name on her testimony. She told me that she was deposed because one of the primary targets of his verbal abuse was her lab partner, and she did witness his abhorrent behavior.

When questioned, she confirmed a lot of aspects of the complaint, and she told me that she felt the accusations were not unfounded. She works for a nationally known TV show, and her manager told her that she ought to put her name on her testimony. My first thought was, as an honorable family, our word is our bond, and she ought to put her name on it, too. But then I started to have second thoughts. Most likely, this story is going to blow up, and her name might forever be attached to it as a witness. At this point, I told her not to reply immediately since she has two weeks to decide, what are your thoughts? Thanks.

Daddy with a dilemma. All right. So I am a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer. How's that to start? I would say you should get a lawyer to check this. First and foremost, get a lawyer to check this because this is something that I'm not sure how it plays out in practice. This is something you can't really just Google because you're not really sure how this is going to go. You just need to make sure that you have a quote unquote real lawyer checking this. Jason, you mentioned something pre-show about how this had to do with TV. Yeah, yeah, she works for a TV show, which means the producer who's saying, don't be anonymous and put your name on it, is going, I mean, he's looking out for his interests, which means that, oh, hey, we've got somebody on staff who was in this story, which is going to be great for him, but long term, is that really going to be great for you? I don't think it might be. And again, I'm a lawyer, but not your lawyer, and I'm not a litigator either. I would ask, will this affect the testimony? if it's anonymous. Because I'd imagine that anonymous testimony may have less weight. However, it might also be something where you can have the credibility saying this is a lab partner, but it doesn't have your name on it.

If it doesn't negatively affect this and it's not material of the case, stay anonymous because court proceedings are public record, period. And that said, if it will negatively affect the testimony in some material way, it's hard, but you probably then should put your name on it because I feel like we all owe it to each other in a civil society to stand up for one another. That said, if there's any other hope of doing this without having your name on it, you got to stay anonymous. This is not something you want showing up in Google results for the next 10 years of your life, even though it's you doing the right thing. I mean, maybe if that's where she comes from, it might be, he's like, look, I stood up for my lab partner and I stood up for the people in my class. Yeah, you're doing the right thing.

It's six of one, half dozen at the other. But I think that, you know, on the safe side, be anonymous. But if you really have like, you know, a dog in the game, then put your name out. Jason, screw it. What do you say we get a real lawyer who actually knows what they're talking about on the line? How about we call our friend Corbyn Payne from Tennessee? Good call. Yeah, Corbyn, friend of the show, a defense attorney working out of Knoxville, Tennessee.

Corbyn, can you help us out with this? Yeah, I'd love to. So for those who aren't familiar with the law and the legal system, a deposition is something that you come in, you testify under oath, just like you're in a regular trial in a courtroom setting. However, you're not in a courtroom setting. So there's no judge, there's no jury, and there's no courtroom audience. But there are attorneys, and there's also a court reporter. So there's less of an audience, so less people looking at. at the witness, but it can be intense and it is very one-on-one.

I've literally seen witnesses and even parties to a lawsuit break under the pressure of a deposition. So I want to start off to say that Daddy with a dilemma has a very brave daughter. Testifying in a deposition is not something that is easy. So congrats to her. So in reading this question over, there are three factors that kind of jumped out of me. one is the legal considerations and the main question there is does anonymity hurt the case and i'm going to say based on what he has said probably not and the reason i say that is the plaintiff's attorney would have made it very clear if anonymity would weaken the case uh they would have probably sat down

with the daughter and just said you've got this option but we think it would really be helpful to us if you put your real name out there or please do put your real name out there. So the fact that they're not doing this makes me think that they're probably fine. She's probably fine as far as the case goes with remaining anonymous or putting her name on there. So from that perspective, I don't think it matters too much what her choice is. Probably the second consideration would be reputational slash professional. And that's because her involvement will be involvement, will be a part of the public record.

With the public record, this might not be something that would pop up on Google unless it's like really newsworthy and someone puts your name in an article or something. But anyone could walk over to the courtroom, request those, the documents related to that case, and see somewhere that the daughter had given this testimony. So it will be, it will be out there. And you cannot unring the bell, as they say, once this gets out. You can remain anonymous now and go public later, but you cannot go public about it now and become anonymous later. So any decision that the daughter makes here really needs to be well considered before she takes the leap to going public if that's what she decides to do.

And it's an unfortunate fact, but many whistleblowers face backlash for being, you know, I'm saying an air quote, or rats. It's also a well-known fact that, excuse me, an unfortunate fact, that women who call out sexual predators in positions of power also face their own unique backlash. The Me Too movement has been empowering women all over the world to call out these predators, but time will tell whether or not it will change our culture so that those who speak out are not penalized for doing so. And the third and final factor to take into account is personal safety. So we've got a professor here who has apparently abused his power to harass the women around him. Being named could result her becoming a target of his vindictiveness.

Now, she's got some very important legal protections that prevent her from being harassed by him for a testimony she gave, but it's still something that she's got to take into account. And there are some pros to these cons. One is this could conceivably help her career as a journalist because she publicly and courageously took a stand against harassment and made sure a story got out. And this is an important story. And additionally, the more people who show they are not afraid to take a stand against harassment are not afraid to testify against this behavior, the better it is for society. I think it's very important that we all take a stand and do what we can to call this out to rightfully demonize it and make sure that the perpetrators don't get away with their bad behavior and they live with a fear that they could get called out and be in trouble for their bad behavior. Finally, I would also say that what she did is it's worthy of respect and admiration.

Having this out in the public should be a matter of pride for her, not something that gets treated like this shameful secret. So in the end, my recommendations are that first she trusts the legal team. They know it is best for the case, and it sounds like they think they'll do just fine whether she remains anonymous or whether she's named in this. I would also say realistically assess whether the benefits outweigh the costs as to career and reputation. Now, I noticed in the question submitted by Daddy with a Dilemma, her manager thinks it's a great idea for her to put her name out there. I don't know what this manager's motives are. This manager could just be making small talk, could be trying to angle for a story, or have her best interest in mind. I don't have enough information there.

And I don't know if this is a man or a woman. So I would advise talking to some other women in her profession. They will have a better grasp of what this could mean for her future and be able to advise her a little bit better on this than I could. And above all, this is a pretty cool thing that she's done. I think she should try to figure out a way that she could use this whole experience to help others out. This is a pretty compelling story, and I think it could be cool if she talks about it and hopefully encourages others to do the right thing. Corbyn, thank you so much for the help, man. Really appreciate it.

Jordan, you're very welcome. I am very glad to be on here. Thank you guys for addressing this question. All right. Next up. On Feedback Fridays, when reading the letters, is it possible to preface each letter with who is writing it? Sometimes we're halfway through or longer before we have a clue to whether it's a guy or a girl writing the letter. I'm often waiting for a clue, but because people write in the first person, they only use pronouns that designate the other people's gender.

It doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen at times where I finally hear who wrote the letter at some point and have to reframe the whole conversation in my mind. Thanks, not really gender confused. Yeah, I think this makes sense, actually. Maybe Jason, we start. each letter with a woman from Indiana, right? Or something like this. Don't say female. I won't. I will be careful not to.

But if we can start the letters like that, because I do often think, oh, yeah. So if I'm confused, I know people listening at home are sure as I confused too. We will definitely do that, but I don't know if it matters all that much because these are just people problems that we're doing. It probably doesn't matter,

but I think people want to envision who it is in their head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They want to relate to that person as much as they can. No, I totally get that. All right, keeping it short. Recommendation of the week, Jason, this one's all you.

Survivor's Guide to Prison. This was an interesting one. It came out in 2017, and it was executive produced by Susan Sarandon. And it's funny because when you go look at the reviews on Netflix, it is a huge bunch of one stars huge bunch of one stars because people apparently out there don't like susan sarandon and her her topics but i found it actually engaging and enlightening and i enjoyed it quite a bit it's not so much a how-to because that's what you'd think when you start watching it's like okay how do i not get raped on my first day that's great you know but a lot of it is like i think two-thirds of the documentary is just

about how our justice system in the United States is so screwed up. And, you know, it's a call to action to get your representatives to do something about it. That's really what it is. So, but I enjoyed it quite quite a bunch. Yeah, it's funny how many people don't like her. Is it her voice or what? Did she do something politically that pissed everyone off? I know. No idea. No idea. I have a friend who's really good friends with her and he loves her to death. So I don't know. I really don't know. What's up with it? All right. Well, you heard it. Survivor's Guide to Prison, also on Netflix. And I hope you all enjoyed that. I want to thank everyone that wrote in this week. Don't forget, you can email us Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. That'll get your questions, well, in theory,

answer it on the air. We're happy to keep you anonymous, of course. Keep them short. That ups your chances of getting your question answered by a million. Short. Short. Short. Short. Short. Short. Short. Short. Short. Short. Yes, concise, just enough detail to do the trick, not the whole. If I have to page down, not getting on the show. Too hard, too hard. I won't even make it through the initial read. A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at Jordan Harbinger.com. Don't forget our Alexa skill.

How you get that is you go to Jordan Harbinger.com slash Alexa, and it'll give you a little snippets of interviews with some practical takeaways. We're going to be putting some other drills and exercises in there as well, and it becomes a part of your daily briefing. Jordanharbinger.com slash Alexa, or you can search for it in your Alexa app, and it will install itself. Quick shoutouts to Raina Batiski, DJ Mick's wife, who, it's funny, DJ Mick, who I asked that question about the mixtape a couple weeks back.

Yeah. He's like, you'll never guess what happened, man. I told my wife that I was on, you know, talking to this guy, and he's got this show, and my question's on the show, and she goes, yeah, I've been sending you that guy's podcast, the Jordan Harbinger show, for months and months, and you just never. bothered to listen to it. So turns out his wife was already a listener and he had never heard of us. Typical husband and wife relationship somehow. Also, shout out to John Rayneau. He's a GM at Pizza My Heart. He listens to the show up in the Bay Area. Eventually, I will

come to you for free pie. Just be ready for that. I will come to you and say, feed me. And hopefully you, hopefully you need a secret like, you know, Jason Bourne Word. It's right. Yeah. Free pizza code. All right. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at Jordan Harbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show. Jason, where can I find you? I'm on Instagram at JPD, Twitter at JPD Def, and you can check out my other podcast, Grumpy Old Geeks.

All of those are linked at jpd.me. All right. Keep sending in those questions, those short, concise questions, to Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com. Share the show with those you love and even those you don't. Lots more in the pipeline. We are excited to bring it to you. And in the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so you can live what you listen. And we'll see you next time.

This episode is sponsored in part by What Was That Like Podcast. If you're looking for a new show to add to your rotation, something that'll make you stop mid-dishwashing and go, wait, what, that actually happened? You got to subscribe to what was that like? It's real people telling the most surreal moments of their lives and they're not just giving you the highlights. They're walking you through it from the inside as a person who actually lived it, which means you're basically getting a front row seat to the chaos. One episode is about Scott getting locked up in a foreign jail for a crime he didn't commit. Sure, Scott. Another is Sue's parachute failing. Wow, I'm surprised she was around to tell that story. And then there's Michael who was stabbed on a bus, which makes your commute instantly feel a little

bit more relaxing, do what you think? So if you want to hear some wild and inspiring firsthand stories, I invite you to check out what was that like. Every story is verified. Their site even has photos so you know even the most bizarre stuff you're hearing is somebody's real life. Listen to what was that like on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whatever app you're using right now. This episode is sponsored in part by Something You Should Know podcast. Finding a new great podcast shouldn't be this hard, so let me save you some time. If you like the Jordan Harbinger show, you'll probably like Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers. It's one of those shows that makes you smarter in a practical, useful way.

Same curiosity vibe we go for here, just in a fast, focused format. Mike brings on top experts and asks the exact questions that you'd want to ask, and the topics are all over the place in the best way. Recently, they've covered things like why we care so much what other people think, the benefits of laughter, why sports fans get so invested, and what makes people like you or not, the through line is always the same. Smart ideas you can actually use in real life. Something you should know has been featured in Apple's shows we love, and it's got thousands of five-star reviews because it's consistently interesting. So if you want another show that scratches that I want to

understand how people in the world really work itch, search for something you should know wherever you get your podcasts. Look for the bright yellow light bulb and start listening. You can thank me later.