The Jordan Harbinger Show - 645: Is a Bridesmaid Fight Worth a Disinvite? | Feedback Friday
Episode Date: April 1, 2022Everyone knows that when tweetle beetles fight, it's called a tweetle beetle battle. But bridesmaids brawling at a bachelorette bash just make wedding plans more of a pain in the ass. Now, to... fend off further fighting, the bride must decide who she's disinviting. Boo, hoo! But who? Which one gets the axe; which one gets to stay? We hope to find out this Feedback Friday! And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now let's dive in! Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/645 On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss: After a brawl between two bridesmaids at the bachelorette bash, the bride now has to disinvite one to the wedding. But who should she choose? Does Jordan Harbinger ever get tired of saying "Jordan Harbinger?" Aside from this one, have Gabe or Jordan ever done any weird jobs? Just because an oil is classified as "essential" doesn't mean it's necessary to put it on your family's food, right? Right? Do we ever get generous offers from shady sponsors? What’s the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to Jordan and Gabe (that they're willing to fess up to)? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com! Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger. Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi. Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! Miss our interview with Bar Rescue‘s Jon Taffer? Catch up with episode 142: Jon Taffer | Raising Your Bar and Crushing All Excuses here! Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Welcome to Feedback Friday. I'm your host, Jordan Harbinger. As always, I'm here with Feedback Friday, producer, the boozy diffuser wafting out this highly concentrated essential oil of life and career advice, Gabriel Mizrahi. On the Jordan Harbinger show, we decode the stories, secrets and skills of the world's most fascinating people and turn their wisdom into practical advice that you can use to impact your own life and those around you. We want to help you see the matrix when it comes to how these amazing people think and behave. And our mission is to help you become.
a better informed, more critical thinker so you can get a much deeper understanding of how the world
works and make sense of what's really happening even inside your own mind. If you're new to the show,
on Fridays we give advice, we answer listener questions. The rest of the week, we have long-form
interviews and conversations with a variety of amazing folks from spies to CEOs, athletes, authors,
thinkers, and performers. This week, we had my friend Lauai 86. He is an insanely popular China
vlogger who actually had to escape from China. This was a two-parter. We were going to do a segment
and we ended up with a two-hour show. We discussed how the Chinese social credit score system works,
how he ended up slipping out of China by the skin of his teeth, and how both the Chinese
Communist Party and now Putin's propaganda machine uses YouTube for information warfare and to sway
public opinion. No big surprise there, but we're going to get into some real examples.
I also write every so often on the blog. The latest post is how to say no, after you've already
he said yes. In this one, we talk about how to gracefully uncommit when you need to back out of a job,
a project, a plan, a relationship, whatever it is. That's something we hear about quite a bit here
on Feedback Friday. I also write about how to become more conscious and deliberate about the
commitments that you do say yes to so you don't have to back out of them quite so often because
that's a little awkward, isn't it? So make sure you've had a look and a listen to everything that
we created for you here this week. You know, Gabe, I was thinking, you're like my opposite brain
and I would be totally different
in these episodes
if you weren't here
so people have been listening
since before you got on the show
you know it was me and producer Jason
and I would sort of just wing the advice
I shouldn't say wing it
I would do the advice of my own
he didn't really contribute to the advice
most of the time
but I was a lot harsher
and I was like oh she broke up with you
get a grip dude you're 19
you're not even gonna remember her
or oh you quit your job
without finding another one first
I don't even feel bad for you
we've told you how to do this a hundred times
if you didn't listen by now
it's a you problem
But you bring in a lot more compassion and reason to the table.
And I'm bringing this up because I become a lot more like Gabriel when I'm with Gabriel on the air or otherwise.
And the reason I don't have more friends like you, Gabriel, is because I become much less like Gabriel when you are not around.
That is such a, I don't know, is that a compliment?
I'm thinking.
Yeah, I think it is.
It is.
Also, it's a treatise on how I'm a terrible person.
That's the underlying message.
Yin and yang.
Yin and Yang. That's right. Today we're doing something a little different on Feedback Friday.
This is one of our, I guess you'd call it a WTF episode in celebration of April Fool's Day,
which just so happens to be today. So we'll be tackling some of the funniest, strangest,
most unusual questions we've gotten. Just over the past few months, this is by no means an
exhaustive list. Can't do dead squirrels in the mailbox every week, right, Gabe?
That's right. We've got to change it up a little bit. Also, sometimes we get emails that are
like out of left field and they're so good, but they're not traditional life advice questions. So
we just save them for these LOL slash WTF episodes.
That's what we'll be doing today.
That's right.
And we're going to drink a little bit.
I've got some Siampre tequila from a sponsor.
I'm drinking the anjejo.
It's kind of like whiskey tequila.
And I've got this nice Swarovsky crystal glass that somebody gifted me with a letter H on it.
So I'm feeling kind of extra baller with that.
Yeah.
You called me bougie at the top, but you're the bougie one.
Yeah, I did call you bougie.
You're a bougie essential oil diffuser, if you remember.
I'm the busy diffuser, but you're the bougie Swarovsky crystal holder.
Embibre.
Yeah. I'm Babber. You are drinking the most, what is, that is ridiculous. I am having,
first of all, the first drink of hard alcohol in probably a year, maybe more. So I have no idea
how this episode is going to turn out. We'll see what happens. Yeah, I was going to say,
we might not, we don't have to continue the show tomorrow. This is, yeah, not a huge drinker,
but this is a tequila, this is Petron Reposado, and it comes in this, like, little, like, airline.
Yeah, you have like an,
airline tequila bottle, but a little fancier.
Like an airline tequila bottle, like the tiny little one.
It's a little fancier than that.
This was actually a gift from my brother-in-law.
It's a little first-class airline tequila bottle.
So after my sister and my brother-in-law got married and I helped with the wedding,
I sort of like half-officiated and as a small thank you for whatever.
I don't know.
It wasn't even that big a deal.
I was happy to do it, but they got me these like little flights of airline-style tequila.
And I've just been sitting in my closet for the last, how long is it, like six months or so?
So just decided to bust it out.
brush off the dust and have a swig. The danger with those is, they hold more booze than they appear to
hold. That's more than a shot in there. That's a couple solid shots. It's a good double tequila drink.
Definitely. Except you're drinking it straight and you haven't had any year. I'm sipping it like
robatossum, just very casually. Is that what you do with robotessen? I'm pretty sure you're not
supposed to sip on robotizen, but maybe I'm doing it wrong. I slowly savor my robatism over a period of many
hours. You know, use a straw for your robotessin? Yeah, I did grow.
in Detroit. So maybe we do that down there. Oh, and by the way, today I'm going to be telling the story
of one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me in my entire life. So make sure you
listen through to the end for that. All right, we've got some weird ones. We've got some super weird
ones. And I can't wait to dive in. Gabe, what's the first thing out of the mailback?
Dear Jordan and Gabe, my fiance and I are getting married in under two months and we couldn't be
more excited. We want everything to be perfect, but something just happened that might threaten that.
Two weeks ago, my fiancé had her bachelorette party with her bridesmaids and other close girlfriends.
It was an amazing time, except for when two of the bridesmaids got into a scuffle, which led to one of them, let's call her Carly, punching the other.
Let's call her Rose.
Carly and Rose haven't gotten along in the past, but it's never gotten to this point before.
Based on accounts from some of the other girls, both of them share some of the responsibility for what happened, but it was more Rose's fault for instigating things as she was intoxicated and Carly was.
Both of them expressed to my fiancé that they want nothing to do with the other,
and also said that they don't feel comfortable attending the wedding if the other one is going to be present.
This has caused an unprecedented amount of stress for me and my fiance.
She now feels that she has to disinvite one of them to ensure that there are no further issues at the wedding,
but also fears losing one of them as a friend forever.
She also feels that if she doesn't make a decision to disinvite one of them, then one of them, or maybe both, will disinvite themselves.
Generally speaking, she's closer to Carly than she is to Rose, but ideally she wants both girls to be at the wedding.
With time ticking, we're at a crossroads.
What should we do?
Signed, bearing the hatchet before we get hitched.
Wow, good way to kick off the old April Fool's Day episode because, well, it's pure trash, but that is pretty wild.
I thought this kind of thing only happens, you know, on reality TV shows, but they're like, girls, we need you to fight.
Seasons ratings are a little lower.
You know, get the Real Housewives Season 3 back in the charts.
But apparently, lady friends do be trade and blows at Bachelorette parties in real life as well.
So I'm not going to lie, Gabe.
Something kind of funny about two women breaking out into a bare knuckle brawl at one of those like drink wine and make DIY pottery places.
Or whatever you do at a bachelor at a party in the beginning.
Yeah.
That is a great image.
I'm picturing them at like a color me mind just throw in hands over the like the like ceramic pot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
As they try to make a plate that says, I love you, Jessica.
Yeah, so stressful for the bride, of course. Not only is she caught between two of her bridesmaids,
but they're actually making her pick sides while she gets ready for this huge day, which is really
uncool, the absolute wrong way to handle this. So here's the deal. What's going on with Carly and
Rose, that crap is between them. Your fiancé, she's collateral damage, making her disinvite
one of them so that the other can attend. I just find that so immature and unfair to your
fiance. This isn't her problem to fix. It's their problem. If their beef is irreconcilable,
then they should be able to put it aside for a few hours so that they can both attend a wedding.
I mean, they're making this about themselves, which is ridiculous. So I think your best bet is to
encourage your fiance to just get a little tougher on her friends. And if I were her, I would call
Carly and Rose probably separately and say something like, look, I know things are bad between you right
now. I know standing next to each other on the altar might feel like one of those super agro
UFC weigh-in face-offs. But I need you guys to put all of that aside for one day for me. I'm not
picking sides here. I'm asking you guys to be mature enough to put your friendship with me above the
drama between the two of you for literally just a few hours. I don't think that's a lot to ask.
You guys don't even have to interact at the wedding. Just stand there. Hold the flowers, say the
things. Be there to celebrate with me. Because if you can't, your guys are going to kind of break my heart.
And this fight, which I, by the way, had nothing to do with, it's going to infect the whole day,
my day.
So just please come and be on your best behavior.
Can you do that for me?
That is a pretty reasonable request.
I would be very surprised if they said no to that.
But also, if one of them did say no, I would think that to be pretty interesting information,
too, because that means that they're putting their own petty drama above your fiancé's
happiness.
And that's just not a good friend, not in my book.
Yeah, I agree with you.
As sad as it is, maybe that is valuable information for your fiancé to know as she starts this
new chapter of her life.
And if she senses that Carly and Rose are willing to patch things up, maybe she plays mediator
for them if she feels like it, of course.
I know she's planning a wedding on top of resolving her friend's issues, but she could
schedule some time for the three of them to get together, hash this out, figure out who said what
and why and how it caused Carly to go full Rhonda Rousey on Rose.
That was a mouthful.
and how they're going to communicate differently from now on.
And if your fiancé can't talk some sense into them,
hey, maybe you step in for a moment.
I would make,
I would make Carly and Rose understand how much heartache their fight is causing her,
how stressful it's making the wedding.
As the neutral party here,
you might be able to help them see this a little more clearly.
I would tell them that you don't have a dog in this fight.
All you care about is your fiancé's happiness
and their relationship with her and your wedding day.
And it would mean a lot to her to have both of her friends there.
So please don't make it.
are big sides right now, sort this out between the two of you guys before the wedding, or put it
aside while you're there. It's really as simple as that. Jordan, my only fear would be if they can't
put this drama aside at the wedding, and then they end up drinking again pretty heavily at the
wedding and, I don't know, ripping each other's earrings out by the buffet because Rose has won too many
makitos and mutter something under her breath by the chicken paccata or whatever. Like, who knows
what's going to happen? Exactly. Hoop earrings and blood on the dance floor, not a good look.
you never know, honestly.
If drinking caused the fight at the Bachelorette party, maybe it'll come out again at the wedding.
Maybe give the bartender and a friend you trust just to keep a little bit of an eye on Rose.
And probably Carly, too, to be honest, I can't remember who punched too, but basically both of them need to be under a little bit of babysitting.
Make sure they're not getting shuasted at the open bar before they bump into each other on the dance floor,
because they're going to blame it on the alcohol, but that's not good at your wedding.
Your mom's going to see that, okay?
You do not want this.
Yeah, there will be photos.
There will be photos and most likely video and on TikTok.
If somebody fights at your wedding, that is going on TikTok and Instagram for sure.
It's going to be reposted everywhere.
That's one of those things you read about on Reddit for years after it happened.
I love those subreddit.
Do you ever get into those subredits on Reddit?
Wedding shaming is the subredding.
Wedding shaming?
That's what it is.
Yes, that's right.
I haven't read it for a while, but I used to love that subreddit.
Like, people would go in there and write stories where you're like, there's no way this is real.
And then they'll be like, no, this really happened at my sister's wedding.
The bride slept with the groundskeeper and then punched the mother-in-law in the face when she called her out on.
You're just like, what is happening right now?
The only thing I regret about the story is I wish we knew what Rose said to Carly to set her off.
Like, what do you think it was about?
Like, was it our outfit advice?
I don't know.
I want to know what makes somebody punch somebody out of color me mind.
Maybe they were fighting over whether Elon Musk was actually funny on SNL or not.
Yeah, that'll do it.
It's weird that you get hung up on this, but also I'm like, yeah, what did she say?
I'd like to think I'm above this, but I'm absolutely not.
I'm absolutely not above it.
Yeah, I know.
I'm weirdly compelled by these two people.
Yeah, yeah.
Give us a follow up and let us know what they fight about at your wedding.
This thing does, it makes for great reality TV.
It's crappy real life.
If Carly and Rose want to audition for Jersey Shore remakes, they're going to do great.
But if they want to be decent friends to your fiancé, they need to act right, and they need to lock it up.
You know who won't flip it.
out and throw hands and probably one of those like terrible vegetarian options that they only have
two of at the wedding on the most important day of your life the sponsors and services that support this
show you're listening to feedback friday here on the jordan harbinger show we'll be right back
thanks for listening and supporting the show your support of our advertisers keeps us going who doesn't
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the details on everybody that helps support the show and now back to feedback friday on
on the Jordan Harbinger Show.
All right, next up.
Hey, Jordan.
Do you ever get sick of saying your name?
Like, Jordan Harbinger.
Do you ever just want to say, Jordan?
Signed, what's in a name?
Yep.
You can reach us at Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com.
Please keep your emails.
No, yeah, I do get sick of it, actually.
I really, really do.
It sounds to me in my head a little ridiculous to say,
welcome to the Jordan Harbinger show.
This is Jordan Harbinger here on the Jordan Harbinger.
And so I've edited that a million times
and I can't get it to sound right in my own head.
It sounds right and fine when it's played back.
But also, I do find that I'm constantly saying my full name.
And it's annoying because when people do that,
I feel like it's a little self-important,
but in the context of the show, it actually makes sense.
So there's a lot of times where I wish I could just say Jordan.
And in real life situations,
I do not use my full name every single time I reference.
I don't speak of myself with a third person at all,
like that Seinfeld episode.
Jimmy doesn't like that.
I will always just speak like a normal person.
There are some constructs, though, in a podcast that require that.
And it is weird every time, and it doesn't get any easier after 15 years.
I mean, you could go with the old J. Harbs or something.
J. Harbs?
Oh, yeah.
That's really catchy.
Yeah.
That's professional.
No.
Oh, I hate, those things don't work over time.
And when I was at Sirius XM Radio, there were a lot of older DJs,
and they wouldn't kind of be in on the joke that their nickname from 1987 was
ridiculous now, and they would say it over and over and over again. And I'm just thinking,
do you go to bars and introduce yourself as like, the Wolfman Thompson? Like you do, don't you?
You do that. And that's why you're alone. You can reach us Friday at Jordan Harbinger.com.
Please keep your emails concise. Try to use a descriptive subject line that does make our job a whole lot
easier. If there's something you're going through, any big decision you're wrestling with,
or you need a new perspective on anything like life, love, work,
what to do if a hallucinating maniac is repeatedly breaking into your home?
Whatever's got you staying up at night lately, hit us up Friday at jordanharbinger.com.
We're here to help and we keep every email anonymous.
You know, Gabriel takes out your personally identifying information.
So even if I talk to you every other week because you write in all the time,
by the time this question gets to me, I have no clue who you are, ever,
which usually is a good thing for you, but I want people to know that
so that they don't feel shy about writing in after they wrote in about something sensitive.
I never know who any of these people are at the end of the day, with few exceptions, I should say.
All right. Next up.
Hey, guys. I know you've been doing the show for a while now, but have you guys ever done any other weird jobs in a past life or on the side?
Has the show ever taken you into weird side quests or adventures you didn't expect?
Signed, curious about that five to nine.
Yeah, well, you all know about my Wall Street finance job as an attorney before this.
I was doing a nighttime drive show on Sirius XM satellite radio.
Many of you know that as well.
So that was kind of exciting because I was doing the podcast and radio at the same time,
which was a big vote of confidence from somebody who started a podcast in a basement
and thought that I was never going to be a real talk show host.
And then a few a year or so later, I'm on satellite in U.S. and Canada all over the place.
In addition to that, I taught English in Serbia, former Yugoslavia.
I stayed there for 14 months.
It was a lot of fun and really interesting.
That was the, if you've been listening for a while, that was where I ended up getting kidnapped by the police.
I've had a lot of adventures there. Serbia is a great place, so fun and interesting. The people are
awesome. Cops, not so much. Government, you know, kind of what you'd expect. I also had a job
in Khark of Ukraine, which is making the news. I honestly never thought I would hear the name of that
city again, because it's usually not newsworthy. Unfortunately, it is very much so right now,
and it's destroyed and it's really, really sad.
I also, on the same token of Russians,
I was, R.T. tried to hire me, Russia today,
now called RT.
It's a, I'll say propaganda news network,
but it's run essentially mostly by the Kremlin.
They pay above market salary.
Whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
hold on. RT, the Russian news outlet,
actually tried to, they wanted you to be an anchor?
Wasn't an anchor.
I was going to do a show.
And by the way, this is only like four or five years ago.
This is not a long time ago.
This is not in the aughts.
I didn't know about this.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
This is new information to me.
Okay, so what happened?
Well, they sent me an email.
They were recruiting.
They were asking if I had any ideas of what I might do.
They were interested in my platform, these kinds of things.
And it's an immediately obvious no.
I didn't even really ask for further details because I am in no way interested in
becoming a mouthpiece for a nationalist propaganda outlet or even a biased media outlet.
Like, I have my own biases.
They're here on the Jordan Harbinger show, right?
But I don't need somebody else being like, you have to frame.
things of this way. Well, sure. So that wasn't going to work for me, especially when this way is Kremlin,
you know, cover up disinformation. I don't, I don't want to, I expose disinformation. I don't propagate
disinformation, at least not on purpose, right? So that was never going to happen. And so they just
kind of ghosted after that. I think I linked them to my disinformation episodes, if I'm not
mistaken, or at least some of the things that I had done up at that point about disinformation and they
were just like, no reply after that. Wait, you mean like you emailed them and said,
by the way, I did some interviews that you might want to check out.
Are you familiar with my work?
Yeah.
And it was like, I've done this and spoken about this.
And by the way, this and this and this.
And they were just kind of like, they didn't even reply because I think the obvious context
slash answer to this was you can literally never work here because your policy is your
anti-Chinese Communist Party disinformation.
You expose disinformation, whether it comes from the Kremlin or elsewhere and even the
United States.
And you're the last person we want here.
You're teaching critical thinking?
No, thank you.
We don't want that here in Kremlin News.
Yeah, so the question has occurred to me
that it's very possible that they were very familiar with my work
and they thought that by hiring me it would be like,
well, look, this guy's a reputation as a critical thinker
and he has a base that trusts him.
So this is exactly the type of person we want here
because then people will say, oh, he's vetted this information
and it's true.
And that would lend them credibility that they don't deserve.
On the other hand, maybe I'm giving them way too much credit,
and they just didn't even freaking Google me at all
other than to go, oh, this guy has a large podcast
and Instagram following, we can use this guy,
send him the form email we sent to 50 other people.
Right, so I don't know.
Yeah, that's possible too.
I'm not sure which one it is.
I lean towards the latter just given that they didn't even
try to convince me at all.
They had no interest in doing so after they saw that email.
So that's what I think of that.
And then I've also trained military and intelligence agencies
some of the non-verbal communication and persuasion
and influence stuff that you hear me speak about
on the show from time to time. I've done some training for the UK intelligence infrastructure,
the United States, military and intelligence infrastructure, just sort of one-off stuff,
private personal protection companies, security companies, things like that,
cybersecurity companies as well. And cybersecurity companies usually want to know about the
social engineering stuff, like the hacker stuff, right? I'm not a computer hacker, but
like human hacker where I try to, I've done things like try to convince people to let me
into buildings or give me information.
That's a little more time consuming.
I don't do much of it anymore, but it's really fun.
I mean, imagine breaking into a warehouse in Mexico by talking your way in.
And if you get caught, you have a letter in Spanish and English from the CEO and the head
of security that says, it's okay, call me if anything happens.
And they're waiting for this call.
They're waiting for you to get caught, but then you don't.
And then you report to them and they're like, what the hell?
So that's always fun.
That's really cool.
Yeah.
Gabe, you've done some weird jobs, right?
Probably involving countries currently under sanction and or embargo.
Yeah, that's true. Well, they weren't at the time. As you guys know, I think we talked about this on the show before.
You would never do anything illegal, of course. No, hardly. But I did lead trips to North Korea for four years. Jordan and I both did, actually.
Yeah, that's right. For a little while, we had like, I guess you would call it a side hustle, like a low-key side hustle. But it was, it actually kind of grew out of that website, this blog, the North Korea that you and I used to run together.
That's right.
Where we would post articles and photos from North Korea. And people started asking us, how do we get to go to North Korea? But we want to have the experience. You guys got to.
have and kind of get around some of the rules and see things you're not supposed to see,
blah, blah, blah.
And that just organically led to us just leading trips to North Korea.
It was such a weird job.
And that's how it all started.
Yeah, that was 2011 to like 2015.
That's right.
It was the last year we did that.
And then shortly after that, they made it illegal to go.
Yeah.
That doesn't seem like it was as long ago as it actually was, like seven years ago.
That's right.
We had how to go to North Korea.com, which was amazingly, totally available and never bought by anyone.
So, yeah, we ended up selling that.
I forgot about that.
The Google Juice.
Yeah.
We did.
We sold that for not life-changing money, but that was kind of a cool end to that chapter.
Yeah, it was.
That was around the time I was also working for a circus.
So that was the other strange job.
Contortionist.
Go figure.
Yeah, of course.
Total clown.
Yeah.
I see what you did there.
All right.
Next up.
Dear Jordan and Gabe, I'm a social worker and a stepmom to two great boys, ages eight and
11.
Their mom has begun selling Doterra, the huge essential oils,
multi-level marketing company.
and it's starting to become concerning in a few ways, despite the obvious concern that it's a total scam.
The boys are very unhappy.
They say that essential oils are all their mother talks about and that she even puts it on their food.
I've been doing research and am aware that they should not be ingested and I'm becoming increasingly worried.
She's also been putting it on their face and cuts.
They've asked that she doesn't, but she says oils are now a part of their family.
I believe their mother already has a personality disorder and I'm unsure how I should be managed.
this situation in the best possible way.
She just announced that she's pregnant again with her second baby with her new husband,
and I know that MLMs can ruin lives.
So how do I best help and support my stepson's?
Signed, multi-level momming.
Man, Gables, nothing like some potential child poisoning to lighten up our April Fool's Day episode, right?
Yeah, just want to throw it in.
This is worrisome on several levels.
Medically, of course, but also just growing up with a mother like this is also probably even a greater concern.
She's throwing herself into this MLM propaganda, and then she's incorporating the product into their family, even when the children are asking her not to.
Like, oils are now a part of our family.
Yeah, that's not unhinged.
So, look, we're not doctors.
We can't offer medical advice whatsoever, but we did some basic homework.
And surprise, surprise, Dota does actually endorse the internal use of essential oils.
In other words, ingesting them.
In fact, their argument is, and I quote, essential oils come.
from plants, fruits, and compounds found in nature, and therefore present a safe way to receive
internal benefits.
While some essential oils are never appropriate for internal consumption, there are plenty of
oils that can be safely taken internally and processed by the body, much like other substances
found in nature.
I will, by the way, I will note that arsenic and other things like that are also found in
nature, cyanide, but they are also very clear on the fact, quote, it is important to remember
that the body can only handle essential oils in appropriate doses.
Each essential oil contains different chemical components that will cause unique reactions within the organs and cells of the body.
By considering the chemistry and recommended dosage for each individual essential oil,
it is possible to safely reap the benefits of internal usage.
So that's Dotaura's stance, and they do cite some research that supports this view,
although what we read seemed very vague.
It's not clear how rigorous the research is or who funded it.
They also suggest that people start with the smallest dose possible,
which is one or two drops, by the way, for an adult,
and then increase as needed, depending on the size, age, health of the individual.
A recommended dose, they say, ranges from one to five drops,
and anything above that will either no longer add benefit or could be potentially harmful.
And no more than 20 drops of essential oils should be consumed within a 24-hour period.
And presumably, again, these are guidelines for adults.
In the literature we read, they don't even specify adult doses versus children's doses,
but standard is to use adult doses.
So it's possible that your stepkids' mom is following those guidelines very, very rigorously
herself, and that what she's doing isn't hurting them physically, at least according to Dotaura,
who sells the oils?
It is still very questionable, but is not clear from what you've shared with us that she's
100% putting her kids at serious risk.
Now, that said, the medical community has a pretty different take on all of this, as you
might imagine.
Most experts out there say it's best not to swallow essential oils.
or if you're intent on doing it, to consult with a medical expert first.
By the way, that's not the person who's selling you the oils from Dutera that ordered
them in a starter kit for $4.99 last week.
Make sure you're not ingesting too high a dose.
They want to make sure you're doing that.
You're doing it in conjunction with the wrong medications or ingesting oils that are
too strong.
But when it comes to children, those warnings are even more important.
In fact, according to the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne, Australia,
essential oil poisoning can potentially lead to all sorts of dangerous stuff.
including mucus membrane irritation and gastrointestinal symptoms,
central nervous system depression,
which increases the risk of aspiration pneumonitis,
which is basically inflammation or infection of the lungs or large airways
when food, saliva, liquids, or vomit is breathed in aspirated instead of being swallowed.
It's terrifying stuff. It can kill kids especially.
They also say that toxicity can occur from the essential oil itself
or from the hydrocarbons or amulsifiers added to many of the preparations,
which is something a lot of people overlook with these products.
They think, oh, it's just the oil from the bergamot.
No, there's a bunch of crap in there, too.
Chemicals that are not, by the way, approved by the FDA for ingesting.
According to them, values of 5 to 15 milliliters are likely to cause toxicity in adults.
Smaller ingestions of two or three milliliters of some essential oils have been associated
with toxicity in children.
Two to three milliliters, that's a very small amount.
And to their credit, even Dutero recognizes that sensitivity reactions and toxicity can,
occur with essential oils. In fact, they say, and I'm quoting again here, you must also consider
your own personal health history and any health conditions before using essential oils internally.
Consult with your physician before internal application and consider your personal state
of health. So this is serious stuff. But based on our cursory research, again, it's unclear if
your stepkids are being poisoned or compromised here. They might be. They might not be.
Certainly, the oils are not doing anything if they're other than annoying,
your kids. Their mom would probably have to be given them quite a lot to do real damage and she would have to
be ignoring some serious symptoms if she's been doing it for a while. I think the more likely scenario
is just that the essential oils really aren't doing much at all, which is problematic, but in a
different way. Right, in a totally different way. That does seem to be what the research shows. And look,
I know we dunk on essential oils a lot on the show. They're kind of an easy target or perhaps the people
who buy into them so easily are kind of an easy target, especially in today's climate. But there's also a
very powerful tradition of plant medicine that does date back thousands and thousands of years.
It's not all bogus. Just because something comes from a plant doesn't mean it's absolutely fake or
that it's definitely going to kill you. It's more the organizations that co-opt these molecules
or these compounds and pull them into this system like a pyramid scheme that makes it truly shady.
Because, I mean, Jordan, slap in some tea tree oil or some lavender on a wound or whatever,
that does seem to help it heal. It could reduce scarring. That's not a myth. But slathering a bunch of
like, clary sage on your kids tuna fish sandwich before they go to school because another mom in the
PTA told you to do it or something. That's when things get kind of dicey. So you could talk to her
about all of this and just voice your concern. And I would do it casually. Like, hey, you know,
Ethan mentioned you've been giving the boys some essential oils. I'm sure you know a ton about
this stuff. I'm sure you mean well, you know, maybe play to her ego a little bit, lower her defenses.
But I just wanted to ask, how are you deciding which oils to give them? And how do you measure the dose?
and which guidelines are you following?
You know, are they Deuterra's guidelines, or are you getting them from some independent source?
Because you know how much I love your boys.
And I don't want to overstep here.
I know I'm just their step mom.
You're their mom.
But I just wanted to make sure that we're both taking care of them as best we can.
And hopefully she doesn't get super defensive and she shows you her sources and it's all kind of on the up and up, hopefully innocent.
But if she turns around and she's like, how dare you question what I give my sons?
These oils are natural.
I can't believe you'd question my judgment as a parent or something like that.
you know, the typical like MLM triggered response, kind of like the typical personality disorder
who's caught up in a pyramid scheme kind of thing, then that will be tough. At that point,
either you have to fight back and push harder for answers, or maybe the best approach is to get
your husband to talk to her because they probably have more of a relationship. And he can ask her
what she's doing with the boys without setting her off because they're his kids too. And anyway,
he as a father should be as concerned as you are about them. The bigger issue for me is,
yeah, like Jordan said, growing up with a parent like this, because in the
long run, that's probably more damaging than giving your kids a few drops of camomail every night or
whatever. So the best thing you can do to support them is to keep tabs on what mom is giving them,
how it makes them feel if they have any weird symptoms. I would casually ask them about the dosage,
you know, like, how many drops is your mom given you? How many times a day? By the way, do you
know which oils she's giving you? Try to get a little bit of data. Compare that to the recommended
doses. If they're above the recommended doses, then you know that you need to intervene.
But if they're at the doses or below the recommended doses, eh, you can probably
rest easy. I'm guessing, I mean, assuming there are no other complicating factors at play.
Now, the boys are still quite young, so they're probably not in a position yet to tell mom,
you know, she's nuts and hell no, I'm not taking the stuff anymore. But the 11-year-old will be
at that age pretty soon. So you might want to encourage him to speak up when something doesn't feel
right. If he's not into what his mom is giving him, he can say, you know, Mom, I don't want to
take this. I'm not doing it today. And, you know, you could even tell him to bring this up with
his pediatrician when mom takes him to the doctor, see what the doctor says.
once he's 13, 14, he'll be in a better position to stand up to his mom and also to stand up for his younger brother.
But really the best thing you can do is to be a great stepmom to these boys.
You want them to feel safe coming to you when there are problems with mom, whether it's with essential oils or anything else.
You want them to feel like they can talk with you if they need help, that they have a safe haven in your house.
And if their mom is kind of unstable, maybe she's pumping a ton of their money into this MLM,
straight up ignoring their concerns, you want to be a source of stability and love for them.
outside of her. I know, as a social worker, your instinct is probably to intervene and fix the
situation, and I get it. But until she's doing something objectively dangerous or illegal, it'll
probably be hard to make her change. They might have to grow up with a bit of a strange mother,
and you'll have to watch that happen, but then they can also grow up with a great stepmother,
you, and that'll be the thing that saves them, and probably keep them from, you know,
pushing frankincense on their downline like mommy does once they're a little bit older.
Yeah, that's exactly right. A lot of these products just fall into this medical and ethical gray zone that's hard to understand at all.
And that's part of what's so frustrating. But the more you can empower these kids to make their own decisions and gently inform their mom about the best way to handle this stuff, the better.
And by the way, we're going to link to all the sources reread in the show notes. Definitely check those out.
I would also share those with your husband. Maybe he can talk about them with his ex-wife so they can get on the same page.
And I'm sorry this is happening. It's pretty unsettling all around.
In the meantime, try to stick to the facts and not torture yourself with the worst case scenario.
And hey, maybe put a little E-Long and Long in your diffuser.
I hear that's good for anxiety.
Or, you know, like slam half the bottle.
Should be fine.
RIP, your mucus membranes.
By the way, you might want to check out episode 395 on how to avoid falling for scams.
We cover MLM scams.
We talk about the psychology.
It might just give you a little bit more background and ammo on the mental state of the mother here.
And yeah, not easy.
I mean, MLMs are almost, essentially it's a business cult, and that's never a good starting point for a mom.
All right.
What's next?
Hey, Jordan.
In all your years of podcasting, have you ever been approached by sponsors you didn't like?
Have you ever had to turn down a sponsor you didn't approve of?
If so, can you talk about them without dropping any names?
Also, how do you balance the financial interests of the show with your own personal ethics?
Or do you usually just take the money and run?
Signed, probing those podcasting principles.
It's a great question. I actually do think about this a lot. It really does matter to me. I'm definitely not a take the money and run guy, especially if I have serious concern about a sponsor. I routinely get approached by sponsors that give me pause. Gambling sites and apps, they have a lot of money. They're willing to pay it through the nose. I always turn them down. CBD oils, essential oils, supplements of almost every kind. I turn them down. Like something like of daily vitamin.
whatever, that's reasonable.
Something that's like, hey, we have a lot of vitamins and minerals that you probably aren't
eating enough of, fair.
But when it's like, this will help you burn fed and improve your immune system, I'm like,
nope, not going to do it.
I'm very careful about all that.
I usually have to know the founder of the company personally and know that they're not
a sociopathic con man.
And even then, it's tough.
I turned down a lot of that money too.
I turned down gadgets that seem low quality.
There's scams left and right.
You know, like I mentioned essential oils, just dubious health stuff that's totally fake.
Here's a bracelet that magnetizes your bloodstream for blah, blah, that stuff never makes it
pass the first pass.
But also, I get sponsors from agencies that are located in foreign countries.
I talked earlier about RT trying to hire me.
I get things like, can you post this article or talk about this thing about China and why China
is going to be the next thing?
And we might even pay for your trip to China.
All this sort of information war that the Chinese Communist Party and Kremlin are involved.
in, that was one of the canaries in the coal mine where I was like, wait a minute, why are people
trying to pay me to post this weird video on my Instagram? This makes no sense. Why would anybody
want to do that? And I was like, oh, this is what disinformation is. So that's what eventually
got me into that kind of stuff. And I talked with Lauai earlier this week about some of the
disinformation he's come across. And so if you're interested in that, definitely check out that two-part
episode. You know, they try and get him to post things like, here's a video about how COVID is
caused by American white-tailed deer and then transmitted to humans and then went around the world.
It's like, we know it was started in China, but they want to create this false narrative so that they
can deny that it was them because they're embarrassed, and they'll offer good money to do that.
And a lot of people take it, unfortunately.
How do I balance the financial interests of the show with my own personal ethics?
Look, even now, I'm very wary of how sponsors like fast food, for example, want to frame the ad.
I will happily talk about shakes and ice cream and fries and stuff, because I know these are treats.
I know that you are smart enough to know that these are not, you shouldn't eat ice cream for dinner.
You shouldn't eat fries for dinner.
This is a nostalgia thing.
You might bring your kids there as a treat.
But I am much more careful when I'm recommending or being asked, I should say, to recommend people house a bucket of fried chicken for dinner and feed it to their kids multiple times per week.
I also work with those agencies if they're amenable to it on copy that is less objective.
actionable in my opinion. So if they're like, try this, have it every Friday. I'm like, okay, I'm not
going to say that, but I can say, this is a great treat once in a while. And my favorite thing is
this. And sometimes they're like, okay, and but most of the time, they're like, nah, we want you to say
every Friday I eat fried chicken from this place. So use my code. And I just won't do that.
It doesn't stop unhinged people from accusing me of enabling alcoholism or other vice because I
mention a sponsor. Like I have seenper tequila in my glass here. They're a sponsor of the show. This is a
free shout out. They're not paying me for it, but they have paid me, and I like the tequila,
but someone's going to get mad and say I'm enabling alcoholism. People love to be offended,
and that's fine, but I don't want to outright encourage people to do things that would harm them.
And I'm very protective of you guys, the audience, as an audience. Even if I turn down six figures
and so-called easy money every year, it's fine with me. I don't care about that enough. I don't
care about that as much as I care about sleeping well at night. So, yeah, I'm very, very conscious of the
sponsors more than anybody else that I know. And it really annoys my sales team because a lot of the
easy money is in the bad stuff and I just won't do it. But you know what? There's more important
things in life than easy money. And your trust, you listening to this, your trust is one of those
things. Incidentally, the following sponsors have compensated me handsomely to deliver the following
messages. This is the Jordan Harpenter show and this is Feedback Friday. We'll be right back.
And now for the conclusion of Feedback Friday.
All right, we're back the moment you've all been waiting for here, or probably forgot about by now, but whatever, our embarrassing stories.
Go ahead, Gabe, let it rip.
Hey, Jordan and Gabe. You talk a lot on the show about inviting shame in and owning your embarrassment as a way to work through those feelings.
It's been really helpful in my own life. Even though it's pretty uncomfortable, it's actually been kind of amazing to see how it's changed, how I relate to people, and how they see me.
So, in that spirit, what's the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
signed Craven Some Cringe.
Yeah, so we do talk about that a lot.
Gabe and I are pretty big on owning embarrassment.
It's actually fascinating because doing that doesn't just help you process the feeling.
It also helps bring you closer to other people.
So it's actually a very powerful way to create trust and rapport,
which is what you're finding from the sound of it.
And that's amazing.
So, all right, embarrassing stories.
I had to think about this for a while.
So this is a little bit of a story.
It happened to be about 20 years ago.
so it's not so fresh and cringe now, but you shall also cringe when you hear it.
I lived in Israel in 2000 approximately, and I was supposed to be going to some, like, classes
there or something like that. I was only there for a few months. I was supposed to stay for
like the whole year. But then there was the second uprising, and it became kind of dangerous
for a lot of folks to go anywhere, and it started to get lonely and isolated. And every
university in the United States that had a program there was canceling it. But I had gone
independently. So I was just stuck there with another couple guys, and we were like, oh, let's go
traveling, let's go to Egypt, but we still had a little ways before all of us could get free of our
obligations. And a friend of mine walks into my room. Her name was Natania, and she goes, hey,
you're kind of my only friend here that I trust. Can you come and visit a friend with me in the Gaza
strip? And I didn't really understand what she meant by that, but I said, I don't know, maybe next time
she goes, there's not going to be a next time. I really need you to come with me because I can't
travel there alone. I'm a blonde girl who's 20 or 18 or whatever old she was. And my friend told me I
can't come alone. It's just not safe. She can't come here to get me because she can't come out of the
Gaza Strip. And I was like, I better Google the Gaza Strip and learn a little bit more about this.
Because I thought they were just sort of like settlements. I didn't realize that it was very hard
to travel between Gaza and Israel. I just didn't have, it was 20. I wasn't paying attention to
that kind of stuff. You know, I was just like in Israel hanging out. Sure. We get ready to go down there.
And we're going to stay for the better part of a week.
I think it was like five days.
So I'm like, all right, cool.
I bring my backpack.
So I get in the bus.
We're driving down there.
And we get to this checkpoint.
I'm like, okay, we get to another checkpoint.
We're in line.
We're getting interrogated by Israelis.
It's really intense.
There's aid workers.
There's a lot of people in a line trying to get into Israel.
The line looked like a mile long.
I mean, it was just ridiculous.
There was almost no one going in our way.
They were very suspicious of us going in there and ask us what was going on.
luckily my answers were I'm just her friend I'm just sort of like hanging out with her while we do this I don't know anything about this and they let us in we walk this almost like this DMZ zone there's another checkpoint the Palestinians are like what are you doing here are you an aid worker no we're just visiting a friend what the hell
so they they are curious about what the hell we're doing there they're like is somebody coming to pick you up you shouldn't you can't just kind of like hang out here you can't just walk around here yeah they're coming to pick us up so her friends come and pick us up and these are really
sort of conservative
Muslim folks
that live in the Gaza Strip
and we go to their home
and I get in there
and I'm like oh what's that flag on the wall
and they're like oh it's a Hezbollah flag
and I'm like Hezbollah but doesn't your dad
work for the Palestinian Authority?
Are they working together on something?
And they're like,
let's not get into this
mucky muck of the politics and I was like
okay and I was like oh let me take a photo
of where I'm staying and they're like
the flag down. I'm like
okay you can take the flag down so they
They took out all this memorabilia and flags and all this stuff.
And I started to be like, what the hell are they trying to hide?
Like, is it not cool that he works for the Palestinian Authority under Yasser Arafat,
but also obviously secretly supports has blah.
And then like they had Hamas stuff in another part of the house that was like documents
that I was looking at.
And I was like, aren't these separate groups?
I was so confused.
Okay.
So I'm staying with these people and we get to know them really well.
And we're talking.
We're staying up all night.
and we're eating like this amazing food all the time.
I almost forgot this is my embarrassing story
because I'm getting into it.
And one day, we want to talk and we want to stay up kind of late.
And it's hard to do that on the roof
because the parents could hear some of us
so we would whisper and stuff.
But we decided, screw it.
Let's get off the roof.
You know, let's walk out into the desert.
It's still nice out.
We'll catch the sunset.
So we go across the desert a little bit.
And it's like there's like ruined half built buildings and garbage piles.
I mean, it's a refugee camp.
It is not, it was not in good condition.
2000 or whatever. You couldn't get to the water. There was an Israeli checkpoint there as well.
And then the Egyptian border, I believe we were in Rafa. There was an Egyptian border,
which is a wall with towers. And then meeting that was the border, oh sorry, was a checkpoint
with Israeli military that blocked the water because they didn't want people going in and out
by water. And we were right there. I mean, you could see the intersection of these things from where
I was. So we got into the desert, there's wastewater over to the left. You don't want to go that
way. And to the right is the Israeli checkpoint straight ahead is Egypt. Okay, that's how far in the
corner we are. I mean, we are in the corner of the Gaza Strip. And the sunsets, and we're talking,
and I'm like, all right, it's getting dark. It's getting a little colder. It's not cold.
It's a Gaza Strip, for God's sake, right? But it's getting dark. And I'm like, I have to go to the
bathroom. So I say, hey, I got to pee. And I go to turn around on this brick wall. And one of the
girls says, hey, you can't just pee here. You know, she's wearing a headscarf. What are you going to do?
And the brothers were like, hey, man, just go around the way. It wasn't really a big deal.
But they were like, we have to kind of pretend it's a big deal, even though my sister goes to school in
United States and that's how she met your blonde friend who you're here with, we don't want you to
whip your slung out in front of my sister. It's just like we're brothers. We can't really,
we're supposed to say something about this. Okay, you're not even supposed to be hanging out with
us like this. Okay, fair. We're not even supposed to be hanging out with the women like this,
really. So I go and I turn the corner, I'm like, well, I'm going to walk a little further.
So I walk a little further. I walk a little further. I walk a little further. It's really dark,
but I can sort of hear them talking, whatever. I'm just hoping it'll fall in a damn hole.
And I pull down my pants a little bit, you know, the standard maneuver.
And I'm, pull my junk out and I'm holding it in my hand.
And that's when a spotlight that's brighter than anything I've ever seen in my entire life
illuminates my entire body with my shlong and my left hand.
And I'm blinded, first of all.
And someone starts yelling over a loudspeaker, something in, I guess, Arabic, but I don't know.
Because one, I'm terrified.
Two, I'm blind and I'm going absolutely out of my mind.
Literally caught with my dick in my hand, okay?
In the middle of the desert.
are, and the kids are behind me, you know, they're like, oh, what the hell's going on? What's going on?
Jordan, are you okay? I'm like, I'm fine. And so all I think to do is I better raise my hands in the
air because this is either Egypt, but most likely the Israeli military has spotted me walking towards
their checkpoint in the dark. And they are like, what are you doing? They probably have a
flur system to see heat signatures or something, right? And I'm just losing it. So I'm, I'm stint,
but I don't want to pull my pants up because I figured that's how you get shot, right? Because I'm
just what am I going to do? So I drop it and I raise my hands in the air and the spotlight is on,
man. And my pants are, you know, they're just just below the cheeks with everything exposed
and very, very bright, you know, 4,000 Kelvin, 10,000 million, whatever candlepower light.
And I'm standing there in the desert like this from the belly button down up to my knees,
naked as the day I was born, right? The only important part. And I just don't understand what's going on.
And I'm just like, I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I'm not doing anything.
I'm not doing anything.
And that's when I noticed that they are chuckling over the loudspeaker and no longer issuing instructions at all.
And they just say something that is mostly dismissive.
Like, oh, this idiot's just taking a leak or something like that.
So I slowly start to relax.
They move the spotlight a little bit because I think they just sort of lose interest and they've realized that they've just scared some idiot who's not doing anything.
And once they move the spotlight away from me, I reach down very slowly, very aware that there's like a sniper on me with a, you know, floor system looking at me do this. I pull my pants up and I walk back to the group and I say we should probably go home and they're like, the police might even visit us. I'm like, that's the least of our concerns, I guess, right? And they're like, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. If it happens, you know, we're just going to like pretend we don't know you. I'm like, that's not really what I had in mind.
That's not a solution.
But it occurred to me I hadn't really gone to the bathroom, so I'm still holding it.
And by the way, there's nothing that gets rid of the urge, like almost getting slaughtered in the
middle of the desert by the Israeli military in the Gaza Strip.
Right.
But I will say that it was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
The only real bright side of that is that I never saw any of those people again because
when we left the Gaza Strip, I lost touch with Nia, and it was sort of the pre-internet era.
And, you know, they're the only people who know about it, except for all.
of you now. Wow. Yeah. There must be some Israeli soldier telling that story to another person
at the dinner table right now. Maybe, but probably not as memorable for them as it was for me.
Yeah. I'm sure you're not the first person. They've done that too also. Nah, it has to happen.
They have to catch people all the time that are just like hooking up or whatever, right,
in the middle of some isolated area that they don't realize is isolated for a reason. But that was
back in 2000. It's a lot worse situation now there than it was then, and it was bad then. So I can only
imagine. That was one of the most interesting experiences I had there. They were friends with policemen,
so we had a lot of conversations about Palestinian police and what they were going to do in the
Palestinian Authority and Hezbollah and Hamas. It was really, really something that most people
don't get to do, even if the price was getting caught with my pants down in the middle of the
desert. Gabe, you're not off the hook at some point. I'm going to get your story as well,
although I know we don't have time for it right now. Sure, yeah, we can, I'll tell you one of the
more embarrassing things that happened on an upcoming episode.
about that. There's always going to be an April Fool's Day. I hope everyone enjoyed that. I want to
thank everyone who wrote in this week and everyone who listened. Thank you so much for that.
Go back and check out the two-parter we did with Lao Wei 86 on the Chinese social credit score
system and his escape from China if you haven't yet. If you want to know how I managed to book all these
amazing guests, it's always about my network. I'm teaching you how to build your network for free
over on the thinkific platform, Jordan Harbinger.com slash course. I'm teaching you how to dig the well
before you get thirsty and use the same system, software, and tiny habits that I use every single
day. The drills take just a few minutes a day. Ignore these habits at your own peril. Really,
this has been game-changing for me in my whole life, my business. Find it all for free at
at jordanharbinger.com slash course. A link to show notes for the episodes can be found at jordanharbinger.
Transcripts are in the show notes. I'm at Jordan Harbinger on Twitter and Instagram, or you can
connect with me on LinkedIn as well. You can find Gabe on Twitter at Gabe Mizrahi or on Instagram
at Gabriel Mizrahi.
This show is created
in association with Podcast 1.
My team is Jen Harbinger,
Jace Sanderson,
Robert Fogart,
Miliocampo,
Ian Baird, Josh Ballard,
and of course,
Gabriel Mizrahi.
Our advice and opinions
are our own.
I'm a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer,
and would you ever hire a guy
who got caught with his pants down,
literally?
Do your own research
before implementing anything you hear on this show.
Remember, we rise by lifting others.
Share the show with those you love.
And if you found this episode useful,
please share it with somebody else
who can use the advice we gave here today.
the air quotes advice we gave here today.
In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show
so you can live what you listen, and we'll see you next time.
If you're looking for another episode of the Jordan Harbinger Show
to sink your teeth into, here's a trailer for another episode
that I think you might enjoy.
If you're not honest with yourself,
then how do you ever move your life into positive direction?
Because you're starting from a point to fantasy.
Nobody can succeed if you're not honest with themselves.
revenue is all.
You know, when I talk to people in business seminars
and you say, you know, John, my labor cost is high,
my marketing costs is high, my promotion cost is high,
my tech cost is high.
But if I could raise your revenue by 30%,
you wouldn't have pet cost problems anymore.
You wouldn't have labor cost problems.
So it's the ultimate pacifier of every problem that exists in our lives.
If we focus on top line, which means I wake up in a morning
and the first thing I do is how do I monetize myself right now,
How do I drive revenue?
That is the first thing I have to do today.
Then I can deal with all of the other things that I have to,
but there's nothing more important to an entrepreneur than revenue.
And if they don't wake up every morning and think about revenue first thing,
probably shouldn't be an entrepreneur.
And I'm going to say something that's going to upset some people.
Sometimes when I go to these businesses and I see a bartender,
people say he's been a bartender for 10 years, he should be the manager.
No.
If he's been a bartender for 10 years and he hasn't bubbled up, then he's the last guy who should be the manager.
Some people are comfortable where they are and you promote him right out of the company.
That guy who's been a bartender for 10 years, leave him alone.
The person who's not comfortable who's bubbling up on their own, that's the one who should be promoted, even if they've only been willing for a couple months.
I don't believe that you can make a leader.
I don't believe you can train a leader.
I don't believe you can make a leader.
The Pied Piper, you would have followed him off a cliff.
leadership is boring. It's not kidding.
For more no-nonsense business advice with Bar Rescue star John Taffer,
check out episode 142 of the Jordan Harbinger show.
This episode is sponsored in part by What Was That Like Podcast?
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This episode is sponsored in part by Something You Should Know podcast.
Finding a new great podcast shouldn't be this hard, so let me save you some time.
If you like the Jordan Harbinger show, you'll probably like Something You Should Know with Mike Carruthers.
It's one of those shows that makes you smarter in a practical, useful way.
Same curiosity vibe we go for here, just in a fast-focused format.
Mike brings on top experts and asks the exact questions that you'd want to ask,
and the topics are all over the place in the best way.
Recently, they've covered things like why we care so much what other people think, the benefits of laughter, why sports fans get so invested, and what makes people like you or not.
The through line is always the same.
Smart ideas you can actually use in real life.
Something You Should Know has been featured in Apple's shows we love, and it's got thousands of five-star reviews because it's consistently interesting.
So if you want another show that scratches that I want to understand how people in the world really work, itch, search for something you should know wherever you get your podcasts.
Look for the bright yellow light bulb and start listening.
You can thank me later.
