The Josh Innes Show - Asshole Drivers

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

Ross and I almost got taken out by a shitty driver in Kirkwood, MO. I struggle to understand how people can be such dreadful drivers. I'm still sending resume's out to radio stations and still not getting responses. It's truly baffling. What's worse about looking for work is dealing with the boobs at the unemployment office. Also, I have another Dash Tale from last weekend. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ross for a walk today, and I tell you all the time about how shitty the drivers are in this neighborhood in St. Louis, which I look forward to being the fuck out of here. Real talk, don't have a fucking clue how I'm going to get out of here. What's going to happen. But, um, I know I mentioned this, I guess in yesterday's pod, but, uh, my ambition, well, my ambition was to be out of here by the end of April, but that hasn't worked out. So I'm probably going to spend another month here. I have to wrestle up the cash to spend another month in this fucking expensive ass place and then after that i have no clue um i just don't know i mean i'm hoping something pops uh i don't know if something is gonna pop so if it if it doesn't my ass is gonna head the fuck out and go find a a real job and i'll tell you what threw a wrench into to a lot of my shit threw a wrinkle into

my shit was the goddamn car dying. But anyway, you have your own problems, so whatever. Just to give you an update, though, because I get messages from people sometimes, and they're like, so when are you coming back to Texas? I don't know. I don't know that I will be coming back to Texas. I don't know if that's in the cards. I'd enjoy it. I would enjoy living in Texas. I can tell you this. I applied for that fucking job that's been up since like the first of the year. Now it's four months into this thing that that job's been up. There are three months that that job has been posted for the job in Houston. I applied for it.

I've emailed the program director multiple times and I have heard nothing at all. And I will tell you this, that I don't think I'm something special. And I don't think that people who work on the radio or anything special, we work in a medium that is eventually going to be extinct, right? So you evolve or you die and you know all the shit, right? But you know how radio is. It's a medium and an industry that struggles. And if you have a job in it, you try to hang on to it for as long as you fucking can. And then when it eventually bucks you, it bucks you, right?

I thought I was going to be in St. Louis for a long time. I wasn't in St. Louis for a long time. Now they've hired some other guy to come in and be a disc jockey in the afternoons on KC95. The fact that they pay people to sit there and talk for 10 seconds at a fucking time is baffling to me. But it is what it is. But in my situation, and I know we haven't had one of these talks in a while, but I will share this conversation with you. And this is not where this was supposed to go. It was supposed to talk about the shitty fucking drivers here in this little area in Kirkwood. Hell, I'll give you the brief synopsis. Car stopped at a stop

sign, four-way stop. I'm at a crosswalk. I've said that car's gonna go well the car that was right behind it didn't bother stopping again and just blew right through the stop sign it almost took me and Ross out so I stopped and flipped the motherfuckers off that is the second time and I don't do and that's just not something I do I'm rather passive-aggressive like I like if I'm in the car and someone pisses me off I'll just yell in the car but I'm not a roll down the window flip somebody off tell someone to go fuck themselves. Because we're in an era where if you piss off the wrong person, you take a fucking bullet to the temple. Because some motherfucker's angry that they cut you off and you called them out on it.

But the other night, some guy almost ran us fucking over going for a walk because they blew two people through a stop sign. Flip that motherfucker off. And Jilly goes, well, maybe you shouldn't do that because what if like you know these angry people shoot you i'm like you know what i'm the worst kind of guy for them to fuck with because i ain't got nothing to lose at this fucking point what am i gonna do get into some fucking altercation with some dipshit on the streets of st louis because they were the bad driver what am i gonna do lose my job ah i don't fucking have one so fuck them so if somebody wants to cross my ass because i flipped them off because they nearly ran my ass over and they want to stop and go, honest to God, I'll throw the fuck down.

I don't give a shit at this point. I got nothing to lose. And that's the scariest motherfucker on the planet is the motherfucker that ain't got nothing to lose. When you got a job and all sorts of other shit that you could lose, that's usually who I am. I'm just going to say, okay, they almost ran us over have a good day sir whatever right and I'll just stew over it internally today I flipped off another motherfucker I stopped in the middle of the fucking road and was like waving my arms to try to get them to see that I was flipping them the fuck off because I wanted that motherfucker to stop and come cross my ass I'll fucking whip

your ass and that's not even who I am. I'm not a fight person, but you're at that point where like everything is kind of going against you and you're like, what the fuck is going to happen in life? Right? And you're like, I got to get the fuck out of this place in a couple of months and I can't get fucking calls back from a fucking job that I'm overqualified for every job I apply for. I'm overqualified for, by the way, not saying I'm God's gift to anything but if you read the little qualifications on all these job fucking postings like hey guess what check check check check and check you cocksuckers but I can't get a fucking call back from anybody

car stops running all this shit all this shit happens and then you want to run my ass over attempt to run my ass over because you're a dipshit that doesn't understand that you can't just blow tooth through a fucking stop sign if you want to stop and come at me because i flipped you off let's fucking dance i don't give a fuck i'm at that point in life i am broken and if you want to come at me like again the most dangerous guy's got ain't got nothing to lose i'm not gonna go out and start shit with anybody right but if somebody wants to come at me because they're a shitty driver and i called them out on being a shitty driver you want to dance you going to go out and start shit with anybody, right? But if somebody wants to come at me because they're a shitty driver and I called them out on being a shitty driver, you want to dance, you want to go.

I'm like at that point in Bad Santa where there's like, you're going to hear from management about this. And he's sitting there eating his fucking salad at lunch. He's like, you think you can make my life any worse? Give it a fucking shot. And just kind of laughs at him. That's where the fuck I am right now. So if you want to come at me,

damn near run my ass over with my dog. If I flip you off and you stop and you want to dance, let's fucking dance. Cock suckers. Anyway, that said, I'm not someone that's going to start something with people. That's never really been my way. But if somebody wants to do shit like that, and then I retaliate, oh, we want to get out of the car, shoot me. Go for it. Have at it.

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the second time in a week i've had to flip off one of these motherfuckers driving by and i want them to see i want them to stop and be like what'd you say to me i'm like i'm sorry that you're so offended by someone telling you to fuck off after you damn near killed somebody you sack of shit i'm sorry that i'm the bad guy because I told a shitty driver to go fuck themselves but you you're a good person that's just a shitty I'm sorry you're a decent human that's a cocksucker of a driver now that said uh it is amazing though when you apply for jobs and shit and you read and you're like overqualified overqualified and then people don't even give you the time of the day to fucking respond oh and now i'm at war like again i'm not someone that looks for fucking freebies and shit from people but if i've been paying into the

fucking unemployment thing and i'm gonna be here for another month or so and i can't drive my fucking doordash i'll take like again the unemployment here in missouri is nothing right it's like 300 bucks a week. I mean, it is. I mean, that won't pay half my fucking rent if I saved every dime of that. So again, it's not like I'm trying to rob the state of Missouri, but now I have to like get on phone calls with these people to prove to them that I'm trying to find jobs. I'm like, would you like to see the fucking emails I'm sending you sacks of shit?

Would you like to see every one of them? Would you like to see the number of people who don't fucking respond to my emails would you like to see the shitty jobs I'm applying for in fucking Wichita Kansas and fucking middle of nowhere North Dakota would you like to see that so I have to get on the fucking phone with you oh and god I made the mistake of trying to appeal for one week that I didn't get money because I just I didn't do it for the first couple of weeks that it was available. And something happened where they're like, we're not going to pay this, but you can appeal it.

And I'm like, sure, I'll appeal it. I was unaware that by appealing it, I then had to be on like a fucking Zoom call in some fucking hearing. I'm like, forget about it. I don't want or need the $300. And then next, I just got a voicemail. Hey, next week, you have a mandatory check-in with someone

to make sure you're looking for a fucking job like at the end of the day the max benefits you can get out of the state of Missouri is six thousand dollars or something like that nobody's broke over six thousand dollars in the state of Missouri so you mean to tell me that I'm trying to make a couple extra dollars to keep the lights on while I'm looking for a job and trying to get packed up and trying to get the fuck out of St. Louis. I never want to come back again. You'll never fucking see my face again. Within two months, I will never be setting foot back in Missouri again. Yet like I have to have a phone call and not a phone call, a zoom call where I have to sit with someone and they have to like lecture me

about trying to find a job. Then you have to explain like, well, I'm not like in a totally normal field. Uh, you know, like, so I'm going to get out of here. Like there's no point in me finding some sort of fucking job in Missouri. Cause I'm leaving Missouri. Unless you got a full-time fucking radio job somewhere in Missouri or some sort of media job that I could do in Missouri, then I'll do it. But otherwise I'm not. It's absurd. It is absurd. i'm not some bum that's like not trying to find work but it's not like it's like in their mind like well you can go out you can find this job that pays you absolutely nothing and whatever like listen friend again i'm not some fucking bum if you don't want to pay me the fucking money don't pay me the fucking money it's not make or breaking me to have this 300 every week but the fact that you're these fucking

communists over this like here i'm not lying to you i'm applying for jobs even like and then i'm forced to apply for jobs because of this so i'm applying for jobs i don't even fucking want but i'm like i'll apply for it so i'm not lying to you when i fill out my little thing that says yep i have filled out i've done three work searches this week then they're like well we want to teach you how to use this other fucking work search thing I'm like oh this work search thing that shows me the exact same fucking jobs that I already know are open that I'm not gonna fucking get how about that anyway how's your week going you guys doing good good the um door dash so i obviously haven't been able to door dash a lot because our car died i mean you talk about when it rains it fucking

pours you talk about being a calamity right but we rented a car to try to you know make a couple bucks over like three or four days and i told told you yesterday about the house I went to or the apartment. I actually had to go to a hotel and deliver two Mike's Hard Lemonades. Not three, not six, not a case. Two cans of Mike's Hard Lemonade to a hotel in which I made $11 for doing so.

So I guess things could have been worse. I forgot about one that Jilly reminded me of because Jilly was on my dashing with me on Saturday. And for the first time ever, I went through the process of, basically, they give you this red card. And this red card is essentially a credit card that you could use to go shop for people, which I've never really signed up for because it seems like a waste of time and it seems like a pain in the ass to make the same amount of money as if you go to Burger King and pick up someone's Whopper and bring it to them. Now, sometimes it's worth more. It depends on the tip or whatever,

but I've never done that. But since Jilly was with me and she's been like, well, why have you never done that? I'm like, well, fine, Jilly, since you're fucking with me, I'll try it. So it's at a Target, this really busy Target in the city in St. Louis. So I go into Target, and I'm looking for a blouse for some woman. It's a specific blouse. They show you the picture of it. Once you find it, you have to scan the barcode to prove that that's that. So I'm in there. I'm looking through these clothes, and I'm frustrated already.

I'm like, Julie, find me this fucking blouse. Then I get another ping. It says, this person also needs something from this Target. Would you be willing to do a second pickup for someone? And I see that it's Monopoly, just the board game Monopoly. And I'm trying to figure out who the fuck is ordering Monopoly from target on a Saturday at like five in the afternoon. And my first thought was it's probably something that I would do, which is some degenerates are hammering. They're like, man, I'd really love to play Monopoly, but I don't have it and I'm too drunk to drive. So I'm just going to door dash Monopoly,

just the OG Monopoly, not like St. Louis Monopoly, not like kids Monopoly, just OG Monopoly. So I go and find the OG Monopoly. Then it's a real chore when you have to check out two things for two different people. So you have to go through, you have to swipe the card, everything, get the receipt for the first thing. People are waiting behind you in the self checkout. They're like, sir, just order bologna. And I'm like swiping again. And it takes me forever to do it. And once in those situations, I get so pissed. I'm just flustered anyway, but I get it. I have to deliver the blouse first. The blouse goes to this kind of hipster part of town.

You say hipster. It's kind of hipster, but it's also just run down and gross, but there's this nice apartment complex, and I have to try to talk to this gal, so you have to call. She's like, call me to get in because her building had a code or whatever. So I call, and you have to go through this whole process when you make a call on uh door dash it goes through like an operator whatever and the person picks up and um i'm like yeah i'm outside she's like well just leave it with the concierge i'm like oh you bitch you have a concierge in your place you

couldn't have gotten your lazy fucking ass up and driven yourself to target you had to pay the poor schlub to help to go to fucking target find your stupid blouse you got you got a goddamn concierge why don't you send the concierge to go get you a goddamn blouse so she's like well the concierge so then i have to find the button on the door to get to the concierge i'm like hitting buttons people people people people people like yeah i'm looking for the concierge i have to leave this for suite 411 it's a fucking blouse from target drop it off fine so now we're trying to figure out where exactly this monopoly game is going and sometimes they give you specific details on what to do for this delivery. And it's like, well, take it to the building that's across from whatever high school. I forgot what the name of the high school was. Cardinal something.

I don't know. Cardinal Ritter. I don't know. And it's in the building across the street. And the entrance is here. Tell them it's for Miss Morgan. I forgot what her actual name was. Miss Honey.

I don't know. But I'm assuming it's going Miss Morgan. I forgot what her actual name was. Miss Honey. I don't know. But it was for I'm assuming that's going to a school. I'm like, oh, maybe they're doing some sort of weird business class on this Saturday that Miss Morris here was so ill prepared for that someone needed to order Monopoly for her. So when I'm trying to connect these dots, I'm like, why does someone who says deliver this to Miss such and such which intimates to me that it's probably a school why would this person have not been prepared for this class on this saturday at five in the afternoon why is this happening well we pull up and we find out that it is not a school friends and miss morris or whatever the fuck her name was she was not doing a class for students turns out it was a juvenile detention center

so i call and i'm like hello miss morris i'm here with your monopoly and she's like i'm not there yet just go inside and drop it off for me and let them know it's for me and i'm like okay cool so i go in have to walk through a fucking metal detector like i'm getting wanded i get wanded they're all looking at me suspiciously i'm like listen dude i'm a fucking door dasher miss morris over here told me that i need to drop off fucking monopoly because a bunch of fucking dangerous ass minds delinquents in here they're gonna have a great time playing fucking Monopoly, I'm sure. That's why I drop it off, you know.

And I'm thinking, like, these poor kids. They're already juvenile delinquents. Who knows what they've done? They're living a life of crime. And then the poor little bastards have to sit in there and try to finish a game of fucking Monopoly, which no one has ever done. But that was another dash tale.

I had forgotten about that. I'm glad Jilly reminded me. I remembered, you know, the two trips to the same trailer park and two neighboring trailers. But I had forgotten about the juvenile detention center with the kids in lockup. Like, I do wonder, though, like, what they're thinking. Like, do they enjoy the monopoly like if these are you know juvenile delinquents they probably you know have done some crimes and shit so like are they even interested in playing monopoly like i don't

know that they'd be interested in playing a board game that tells you that you have to you know like do business things to make money business things that don't involve you know selling drugs or gangbanging again that's maybe not fair it may be fair but it may not be fair just let them play some fucking madden and go about their day but miss morris here like i want to see their faces when she shows up and they're like oh this, this bitch is here again. What do you have for us today? Shoots and ladders? She's like, no, Tom. Tommy. No, Tom. You know what we have today, Thomas?

We're playing Monopoly. And we're going to play it until completion. Like, fuck. Anyway. All right. More to come.