The Josh Innes Show - Crumbl Cookies Suck...

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

It appears the CEO of Crumbl Cookies was able to keep the BYU coach from taking the Penn State job. My biggest takeaway from this story is that Crumbl cookies are really gross. Here's a breakdown of the best cookies in America. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm really enjoying the best life that James Franklin is living right now. Like, I read a story yesterday. I mean, if you don't know the story of the BYU coach, Kalani Sataki. So Kalani Sataki is the coach at BYU and will remain the coach at BYU, despite the fact that Penn State allegedly made a push to hire Kalani Sataki. But what's interesting about this is that the dude who owns Crumble Cookie or whatever, this guy made a huge financial push to keep Sataki at BYU. And maybe he would have stayed anyway.

Like Penn State is not a good situation right now. I do not view that as a good situation. So I would stay at BYU where, hey, you have a year like this year, you're considered a hero. But when you win eight or nine games in some years or have a seven win year, they're not going to run you out of town. Like, BYU is a good spot to be. Like you're never going to be LSU, Alabama, Georgia, whatever. But you're going to be, you know, a good program.

You can build a nice program there, right? I mean, look, you're not going to be any of those at Penn State either. So just stay where you are and don't go to fucking Pennsylvania. But anyway, so point being in all of this, you've got Sataki and the guys from Crumble Cookie have stepped up and they kept him there and they paid him more money or whatever made the big push. And then James Franklin apparently yesterday at one of their recruiting things, had it like catered by Crumble Cookie, I think is how it was. Let me see the exact story on that. Crumble Cookies, James Franklin. Let me make sure I got the story right.

While I do that, let's actually play a couple commercials, and then we'll continue. All right, so here's the story. Let's see here. James Franklin, who's the Virginia Tech coach, appears to troll Penn State during Virginia Tech signing ceremony. Virginia Tech head coach James Franklin is welcoming his first signing class with the Hokies on Wednesday. However, it seems as though he might still have Penn State on his mind. The day after BYU locked up head coach Kalani Sataki following reported interest from Penn State, Franklin served crumble cookies at the Virginia Tech signing day ceremony. Coincidental dessert choice at the Hokie signing day ceremony put on today by James Franklin, said Virginia Tech reporter Andy Bitter on X of the Cremble cookie box.

The dessert offering by Franklin comes after Crumble CEO Jason McGowan vowed to keep Sataki at BYU and away from Penn State earlier this week. The company offers rotating unique flavors of cookies. I'll be real with you. I think crumble cookies are disgusting. I've tried. I like, everybody, oh, go out of crumble cookie. I think they are gross. But here's the thing about cookies, right?

I think sometimes we just overthink cookies. I don't this a random aside in this discussion about other things. But, like, we overthink cookies. You know, always the best cookies? There are two places that have the best cookies. And I'm sure we've talked about this before. The two best cookies you are ever going to eat if they are made right, Now, sometimes they can be too hard, whatever, and they're not the best cookies.

The best cookies you will ever eat, period. If done right are the subway cookies, there have been times, man, I would go and just get a six-pack of those bad boys and say, Beatis, here we come. Fill me up with your Beatis, please. I need all of the Beetus cookies. Feed me now. I need it, Beetus. Diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes, diabetes. The diabetes, diabetes testing supplies.

See, I need that. Like, I love the subway cookies, if done right. Now, again, if they're cooked, you know, if they're baked too long, then they're too hard, and I can't get down with them. Those are number one. Number two, second best cookie, and they come from sandwich places. Like, all these, like, fancy bakeries and cookie places that charge you five bucks a cookie or whatever. They are not the best cookies. Don't fall for that shit.

Don't fall for crumble cookie. don't fall for whatever you know same with cupcakes don't fall for the fancy cupcake places that charge you 10 bucks for a cupcake and it's a mountain of shit on it you know what the best cupcakes are i'll say the best cupcake i've ever eaten ever period end of story jim used to make me cupcakes for my birthday very simple like betty crocker out of the box cupcakes icing not a giant mountain of icing just enough icing and the little fucking things you peel them off and you eat them And a little foil cups, you know? Those are the best cupcakes I've ever eaten.

Jim Mud is responsible for the greatest cupcakes I've ever had. And that comes from a box of cupcake mix that probably costs three bucks and a dollar for the little cups that it goes in. And $253 for the jar of whipped cream, the icing, and that's it. Like sometimes we overthink these things. And I say sometimes, we always overthink this shit. Everything that's fancier is not better. You know what's not good? You know what the best hamburger is?

it's not in a fucking hipster joint where they serve it to you with a steak knife through the middle of the burger. I have a rule if it's a place that serves you a burger with a steak knife through the middle of it

and serves it to you it is too much and it's not going to be good. You know where the best burgers are hole in the wall joints places that cost $4 for a burger? Those are the best burgers and it's the same with cookies.

So the second best cookie and again there's no ranking I mean they're both good there's no one and one B there's no one A1B. The other best cookie is the oatmeal chocolate chip cookie from Potbelly. That is the other best cookie. It's not the fancy cookie places.

It's not crumble. It's not one of these places that have all these fancy-ass cookies. Like, oh, I'm going in today to get my smores cookie. I'm going to get a cookie that's got pretzels and corn flakes on top of it. That's all bullshit. Nobody wants it. Here's what you need. You keep it simple.

You go to Subway and you score yourself a chocolate chip cookie. and again, if they are done right, you got to go to, like, the subways that are run by, like, Indian people. Indian people always run their shit, like, tip top, right? Like, some places you'll go and they're kind of lazy, whatever. Indian folks, never lazy. You go and do a subway that's run by Indian folks. Those cookies are going to be crunchy on the outside and ooey-goey delicious in the middle. That's number one.

And then you go to the pop belly. And sometimes if you get them kind of right out of the oven and they kind of fall apart, oh, that's good. Now, if they're sitting out too long, they're not great. but the little mini cookies they serve where you get like 10 of them in a little bag those are like crack those are the best cookies you're going to find you know how much it cost to buy a cookie at subway like 60 cents i don't know if inflations hit subway haven't had a cookie from there in a while but subway cookies and pop belly cookies and the cookies are not bad at chick-fil-a they're pretty good too i like to buy those when they're nice and warm and you put them you get the ice dream cup look again i know that we're in full-on beatis mode right now and i'm aware Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes testing supplies. I am well aware that I'm in hardcore beatis mode right now. But like every day I would go to Chick-fil-A. Now I'm not even really near a Chick-fil-A. By the way, I had Chick-fil-A for the first time since July the other day. There's no Chick-fil-A around where I live. This is not a town with a ton of Chick-fil-A. They're kind of out in the burbs and you can find a couple. of them in the burbs. But like there aren't a ton of chick filets. So I was out in the burbs yesterday or not yesterday, but last weekend, Ross was at daycare, whatever. So I go to Chick-fil-A for the first time

and forever and I was like, boy, I've missed this shit. I used to eat this every day, man. Back in Houston when we had the Chick-fil-A black card, that was elite. Like all those other shit we've done. But like we've done some pretty elite stuff in our day when it comes to, you know, the chicken fillet. But I got it for the first time in forever and it's great. But in St. Louis, It's like I was sandwiched in between two Chick-fil-A's. Like, either one of them were like two miles from the house. So I would be there all the time. And I was driving DoorDash.

So when I was door-dashing, I went into Chick-Fillay 10 times a day. Chick-fil-A was probably the most popular Door-Dash location for me to go to. Chick-fil-A and Panera. I went into those places all the time. So I used to eat Chick-fil-A pretty frequently. And I would get the cookie. I'd get the ice cream cup, which is not like two bucks. And you get the cookie, and you put the cookie on top of the ice dream cup, and you make yourself a delicious treat.

But that's the key. life, kids, the secret of life is finding the shit that's cheap and delicious. Like, I've never felt compelled to go to one of these places that sells like, you know, $10 cupcakes. You know where the best cakes are? Like, the small little bakeries. Like, there was this gal

that came up to the radio station a couple weeks ago and brought some cupcakes to the top 40 morning show. Like, ain't nobody ever bringing any shit up to us. I can assure you of that. Like, nobody gives a shit about my existence. As I told you, I couldn't get arrested here. But, like, the morning show on the top 40 stations, got like this nice lady with a bakery, a nice black woman who had a bakery and she brought up

all these different kinds of cupcakes, like, oh, here's an Oreo cupcake. Here's whatever. Here's what made them so good. They were not like those gigantic four pound cupcakes. The three pounds is icing and the icing's hard. These were basic cupcake. Oh, the best, the best were pumpkin. So the base cupcake was pumpkin. And then there was like a white icing on top. And like they were almost to the size you could throw them in your mouth like Fucking Scooby snacks, bro. Like Scooby snacks. Like, hey, Scooby snacks.

Scooby snacks. And you just throw it in there. Bang, bang, bang. Those were some of the best cupcakes I've ever eaten, too. Now, again, my all-time favorite will be the cupcakes prepared by Mr. James Lee Mudd because he is my soulmate. And they taste better when they come from your soulmate. But they were fantastic. All that to tell you this.

I know I've gone on a diatribe now about shitty cookies and good cookies. All that to tell you that James Franklin trolled the hell out of Virginia or out of Penn State and he did it on purpose with the crumble cookies. That would be the only reason to do that because no human actually wants to eat crumble cookies. The expensive cookie phenomenon is really one that is fascinating to me because like, look, I'm not rich or anything like that. Clearly, I'm fucking dead broke. You guys know this. It's like, you know, I am what I am. But, like, the idea that someone would go, like, because when I used to drive DoorDash, I would go to crumble.

There was a crumble cookie in, oh, what's that little part of St. Louis, wherever it was, right around where the old Kashi used to be. And it would be in a little shopping center where a mall used to be. And now it was a grocery store, and there was a crumble cookie in it, right? And so you would go in and I would pick up an order for someone. One of the farthest drives I had to make was to get somebody crumble cookies. They bought crumble cookies. I had to drive them downtown like in the inner city of St. Louis at like 8 o'clock at night, right? And I'm like, why would somebody spend like $15, $20 on these shitty cookies, spend like another $10 to have it fucking delivered?

Like these cookies are not worth the money. I wanted to tell them like, listen, here's what I'm going to do for you. I'm going to tell you to cancel this order, and I'm going to go to Subway, and I'm going to get you six chocolate chip cookies for like $3, and you're going to thank me. I didn't do that, but I should have. Because if there's anybody knows about delicious cheap cookies, it's your boy. I know about delicious cheap cookies. So that's the only reason you would eat crumble cookies is to troll someone from crumble cookies or to troll a school that couldn't hire a guy because the crumble cookies people stepped in to stop him from going. to that school. Although, who knows if Kalani Sataki was ever actually going to go there?

I assume he wasn't, right? Like, why would you leave BYU? Like, that's a different universe, man. To leave a BYU and go to a bigger school like that. Who was the guy that recently did that? Who was the guy that had been the coach at BYU before? Let's see, list of BYU. Was it Bronco Mendenhall? Is that who I'm thinking? No, Bronco Mendenhall wasn't the coach there, was he? Who was I thinking of? Yeah, it was Bronco Mendenhall. Bronco Mendenhall was the coach there for 10 years. And then where did he go? Like, what school did he leave for?

Bronco Mendenhall left BYU for Virginia and that lasted like five years. Like, bro, in no universe would I have left coaching BYU? You know, in Utah, very nice place. It's got its quirks, obviously. But like, you live in Utah. You're at BYU. The pressure isn't gigantic at BYU. And you leave to go to fucking Virginia.

gross bro then he ends up going to new mexico and now he's back in utah utah state i did not realize that bronco mendinol coached at utah's name but that's just a dumb thing to do like there's nothing about that that i think is a good idea what did this dude do at virginia nothing two and ten six and seven eight and five nine and five five six and six like wolf like i would have never like and they didn't fire him obviously at b yu there was absolutely no reason and when he was the coach there I guess they were independent. I didn't know that. But anyway, none of that matters.

All this to tell you, subway cookies, elite, the oatmeal chocolate chip cookie from the, from pop belly, elite. Penn State's a shitty job. Who would leave Utah to go to State College, Pennsylvania? Sounds like a bad idea. And I didn't even get into the James Franklin actually being a fucking stud moves from yesterday either. So we got a lot to get into.

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