The Josh Innes Show - Dash Tales

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

I don't have a car so my Door Dashing has been limited. That said, we rented a car this weekend and took to the streets. Jilly actually joined me on the Dash. I actually had a moment where I really felt like a loser. I also made a somewhat strange delivery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, friends, I was asked by somebody on Twitter if there are any dash tales. Have you done any door dashing? And a couple of weeks ago, our car died, and I didn't feel like investing the money in getting it fixed. And maybe I should have, because I'd be out there door dashing instead of pulling my damn putt all day. But I'll say this again, back to the point of door dashing. I do not understand if someone's looking for a part-time job. Now granted, there are different tiers of shit in part-time jobs. Maybe some part-time jobs give you health insurance or whatever,

but keep in mind you have to pay for the shit, so it's still costing you something. But I have this conversation with people sometimes about getting a part-time job, because at conversation with people sometimes about getting a part-time job because at this point, I'm not getting a full-time job in St. Louis. And I know I keep saying this, but we have to get out of here at some point. And that's going to have to be pretty soon. And I don't know where the hell that's going to be. I don't think it's going to be in Texas. I don't know where it's going to be, in fact, but I got to figure something out because I got to get an actual job. But as far as part-time employment goes, I don't understand

why you'd go work at Burger King if you could go drive DoorDash, right? I don't know what the hourly rate is at Burger King. That's not to rip Burger King, but any fast food restaurant or anything or Walmart or wherever, like you're not going to make that much more in a part-time role. If you, if you're going to make more, which you may not, like, I don't know if you're going to make like, let's say you get a job at a Burger King and like they have the big sign up in the window and the sign says $15 an hour or whatever. So let's say that you work what eight hours a day or whatever that is, or however long your shift is. So you're looking at, let's see, that would be,

I think like 70 something bucks a day, whatever that is, 15, 30, 45, 60. I guess more than that. What's 15 times like eight? Do the math on that. Whatever it is. 15 times eight. I feel like I should be able to do this in my head, but my brain doesn't work because I had a lot of wine last night. So you make 120 bucks. I wasn't close. So you make 120 bucks. So in theory, $15 an hour at eight hours a day. In theory, that $120 is pretty solid, right it's not bad you do that you know five days a week times five make it like 600 bucks a week that's pretty solid right but if you have that option or you can go drive door dash where I told you the best week I had and I only did like about really my door dashing career was not a lengthy one because the car died a couple weeks into it uh but my best

week of that i made about 600 bucks now granted you have to pay for gas and other shit so is that net you know or is that gross or not that's gross and then taxes don't come out of that obviously so that'll hit you on the back end but at at this very moment, if you're strapped for cash and you need some and you handle the job right, you can make, you know, and I wasn't, and I wasn't putting in eight hours. Like that's the most important thing in doing that. Again, just to look at door dash. I don't know why I'm trying to sell you on door dashing, but like it is a solid way to go out and make a couple extra bucks. But like in a given day, I was probably going out for two and a half hours at lunch and maybe two and a half hours at dinner.

And if I was going longer at dinner time, like some of the later night shit, I probably would have made a lot more, but I was trying to get home. So on a given day, I was probably door dashing for five hours a day and making what someone would make working eight hours a day flipping burgers at Burger King. Again, not criticizing you if you do that. I'm not against it. A job is a job. But it's just the point of, hey, what is your situation in life? Do you want to stand around and be at Burger King for eight hours, be holding to someone, or do you want to go out and make your own hours if, for the most part part it's going to be similar shit in

terms of the money if not more doing the other thing so you do the other thing right but I did we rented a car over the weekend because initially we were going to just you know drive to visit my dad who was doing some sort of signing in Peoria Illinois but then I realized Peoria Illinois is like three hours away and I didn't want to invest six hours of my day to drive to and from Peoria, Illinois to say hi to my dad for two minutes and then drive back. That wasn't the plan. And I don't know how many of you have met my dad, but a conversation with my dad can be very pointless, especially if he's in his element. So yes, it would have been nice to go see my dad, but in reality, it just wasn't a good idea. But we rented this car so I could just go run it

into the ground for a couple of days, door dashing. And I door dashed for two days and probably made 250 bucks doing that, whatever. But I do miss the dash. But that said, after these commercials, I will have some dash tales for you. All right, if you're ready to win some real cash during the basketball playoffs, you got to check out Pick 6 from DraftKings. When it comes to basketball payouts, DraftKings Pick 6 posterizes the competition, including prize picks. It's a very simple concept.

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you know, a suburb of, um, of St. Louis, but it's kind of like the country suburb. Like I live in Kirkwood and that's kind of like a young urban professional families,

you know, type of suburb. And then like, but still sort of trendy and you'll see some trendy shit. Fenton like you know like more rural right so it's kind of a rural vibe about it good people nothing against them uh but like for instance on that given day on that day that we went Saturday Jelly rode with me on Saturday so I had like a wing person while I was out which is good and bad because you have a way you like to do things. So you're driving around your door dash and you've done it enough where you feel like you're kind of an expert and kind of understand the concept

of the dash. And then, you know, you got someone sitting with you asking a bunch of questions and then saying like, why didn't you do this? I don't fucking know. Cause it's the way I goddamn door dash. It's my goddamn prerogative. But anyway, so there were multiple times in this this this trip around Fenton Missouri that we ended up at the same trailer park in fact first of all like the trailer park has a look of of people right like you could just tell by the way they look I don't mean this in a negative way right but these people had a look about them and you go, yeah, it detracts that they live in this trailer park. But anyway, so I take a Chick-fil-A order to this trailer park. People on DoorDash love Chick-fil-A, particularly the people of Fenton, Missouri

love Chick-fil-A because the Chick-fil-A is not quite in Fenton. So it's like a 10 mile drive. So they love to get their Chick-fil-A. But anyway, so I deliver this to these kind of like, you know, like this chick who just like looks like she's a teenager, but also looks like she's already been pregnant four times. And like her boyfriend, I guess, was on the porch with her and he was giving me these kind of looks and he had a mullet and a mustache. And I don't think it was ironically, I think he just had a mullet and a mustache. That's the Fenton look, you know, you have a mullet and a mustache and I don't think it was ironically I think he just had a mullet and a mustache that's the Fenton look you know you have a mullet and a mustache and he had like a like a z70 you know like a z71 whatever and you know he's standing on the porch and like they didn't really talk so like like let me tell you here's the times that the door dashing makes you feel like a real putz, okay? Because I'm a former radio guy.

I've held some pretty high up jobs. I've done some pretty successful shit. I've had years in my life that I've made like 300,000. I mean, I've had some times. I've done some living. Now, am I, you know, like above anybody else? No, but I've done some living, right? I'll tell you when the door dashing,

there's a moment when you're door dashing that you're like, what the fuck did I do? Where did I go wrong? Again, not judging when the door dashing, there's a moment when you're door dashing that you're like, what the fuck did I do? Where did I go wrong? Again, not judging you for door dashing because it's easy money, but where did I go wrong in life? When you pull up to this trailer park, like the Eagle's Wings trailer park or whatever the fuck it was called, and you pull up to this house and there's this girl standing on the porch.'s barefoot she looks like she's already had four kids but she also looks like she's not even out of high school and her boyfriend's got a fucking mustache and a mullet and he's got like a chawl in you know he's like spitting you know and you're like you hand this to these people and they don't even thank you and then you look at the like how much you made to

deliver that you're like i made 10 bucks whatever it was but then like they didn't even thank you. And then you look at how much you made to deliver that. You're like, I made $10, whatever it was. But then they didn't even leave you a tip. And you're like, what the actual fuck? What have I done with my life? Because Jilly asked me, she goes, how do you know how much they tip? And basically, you don't see what they tip unless you look, right? Because the tip and everything is included in what you get paid. Like, so if it says, hey, do you want to make this delivery for $11? It's all in. So that includes tip, whatever. The number of motherfuckers

that do not tip you is astounding. Now, I get it. Door dashing is expensive, but you made the fucking choice to door dash. Tip my fucking ass. There's an idea. Give me a tip. Throw in three bucks, four bucks, two bucks, whatever. I understand that you door dashed chicken nuggets from 10 miles away and you don't want to pay more than you have to, but I had to drive my fat ass over here. So there are those moments you feel that way when you stand on someone like that and you know the wooden porch I'm talking about, the porch that's on the outside of every trailer. It has that look. You know the wooden porch of a trailer and the girl is standing on the porch and she looks like

there's no way she graduated high school because she got pregnant in middle school so you know she didn't graduate fucking high school and you stand there and you give her the fucking chicken nuggets and you go back and look and you realize they didn't leave you a fucking tip and you're like where the fuck did I go wrong I did have that moment but I made that delivery then there was a Pizza Hut delivery that I went to pick up and I shit you not the Pizza Hut delivery ends up being taken to the trailer next door to that trailer so I made multiple trips to the same trailer park to deliver treats now this one was to like some you know heavy set old lady and her husband and you know um what's funny is like

the app will tell you you know person requests that you knock on the door the worst is when you do that and they look pissed that you did it because they didn't want you to knock on the door but they must have just checked the wrong box so it's like hand me my food so like you knock on the door because it's a lot easier to just stand there you leave the food on the fucking doorstep and you leave yeah like that's like the easiest way of doing shit you don't have to talk with anybody you don't have to have that like uncomfortable moment the kind of shitty moment where you're like this motherfucker is living the life i want to be living i want to be fucking ordering goddamn Pizza Hut DoorDash I don't want to be fucking delivering it but at least this way you can hurry up um and I try to scurry away as fast as I can like I put

the food on the porch you got to take a picture to prove it was there and then I like scurry off before having to communicate with people now sometimes you have to communicate with people like when you go to an office or something. Again, none of this is really all that bad. But I would say this, the most intriguing dash I made in my return to dashing this weekend was a door dash that required me to drive about 12 miles to a hotel. And this person at this hotel ordered alcohol, a little alcohol from a liquor store in Fenton. And then I had to drive to a town called Arnold and deliver this to this hotel, to the Pear Tree Inn. And her name was Emily. So like me and with Jilly, we tried to guess like what these people looked like and stuff

just based on their name and everything. I'm like, well, if her name's Emily, you don't see a lot of Emily's anymore. Like Emily is kind of a nineties name. Be like a lot of kids. Like now kids are named like Nolda and fucking Magda and shit, like weird, ironic names. So like Emily, just a nice common name like Emily, you're not going to see that very often so we guessed that she was probably you know 30 ish 32 33 somewhere in that neighborhood probably born in the 90s but i needed to go pick up liquor now this is like a 12 dollar delivery so i'm expecting to go in and pick up like a couple of cases of like natty lights or some shit you know because they're having a hotel party. Like it's very possible. Like our guest was like, this might've been like,

like she has like kids and like, like maybe like they're in town for like a softball tournament. They're staying at the fucking pear tree and whatever. That's what we assumed was the case. And I assume they're just getting a good amount of beer. So I walk into the liquor store and there's a nice guy that was ordering, was purchasing his Yingling Flight. And he was explaining to the guy why Yingling Flight is better than Yingling Light and whatever. So I say, hey, I'm here to pick up DoorDash for Emily. And I'm expecting a couple of 24 packs, at least a case, because they're going to have a party at this fucking hotel tonight. As it turns out, that was not the case at all. These people ordered two Mike's Hard Lemonades, and that was it.

One was a pina colada, and one was like a strawberry or something. And I had to drive 12 miles. Somebody spent the money. I want to break down. Let me see here. Let me break down what that was. Like how much I made from that. So Saturday, was this the trip or which trip was it?

McAllister's? No. McAllister's I've discovered is good. Taco Bell, that's not it. Let's see, Liquor Express in High Ridge. I made $11. I got a $2 tip on that, by the way, which I feel like should have been more.

But I made $12 to drive two, two cans, not a case, not a 12-pack, to drive two singular Mike's Hard Lemonades to a hotel that was 12 miles away from where the purchase was made. It's sort of comparable, but not quite comparable, to when I had to deliver the one can of Budweiser to the gentleman at his apartment. But I show up and as it turns out, Emily and her boyfriend, he have a sleeveless shirt, not a tank top, not a wife beater, but a t-shirt in which he had cut the sleeves off of and a goatee uh he came to get the beer and i have to scan their ids and shit so i got to see emily's id emily was born in 1995 so our guess was correct about 30 years old right and uh and that's like that's the name that's not a name you

see on people anymore you don't get a bunch of emily's anymore it's not coming josh isn't really a common name anymore now it's like maverick like the like colton you know these kind of dickhead names like like the the kids today have very date rapey names like like you're not going to be surprised where like hey like hey newborn baby here at the hospital his name is maverick you're like in 15 16 years from now don't be surprised when there's a date rapey story in the paper. And, oh, that's our Maverick. Because, I mean, that's what these kids are. These are the names now. Oh, that's my son Colton.

That's my son Maverick. Just one of those things, you know. Like, you used to see, like, a lot of, you know, like common names like what we consider common names but then again my grandma's name was edna back when she was born in the 40s i guess edna was a pretty fucking common name like there were probably a bunch of fucking edna's and then there just weren't a bunch of fucking edna's anymore like there was edna there was edna then one day they were like edna's a fucking stale ass name we're gonna start moving on to like kathy and shit and then like they move

on but now it's like we're like girls that have boy names like hey that's Skylar you know like that type of shit but anyway Emily was about 30 years old and she and her boy I don't know why they were at the pear tree in I don't know if they were parents that were just looking to get bliss I don't know if I'm ordering alcohol to the pear tree and I'm making it worth my fucking while and I'm getting a case of something. Speaking of, I had some wine. Like, I drank wine way too fast last night because Love on the Spectrum was back. Fucking love that show. Anyway, more to come.