The Josh Innes Show - Do The Texans Suck?

Episode Date: September 16, 2025

The Texans lose another one. The positive? They've lost two games by a combined 5 points. The negative? The offense is bad. Baker Mayfield, who I love, did it again. The Texans do incredibly stupid things. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome in everybody, it is... With Amex Platinum, you have access to over 1,400 airport lounges worldwide. So your experience before takeoff is a taste of what's to come. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Conditions apply. One and sip. And two and sip. And three and sip.

Oh, hey, I'm just sipping Tim's all-new protein ice latte. Starting at 17 grams per medium latte, Tim's new protein lattes. Protein without all the work at participating restaurants in Canada. Wait, was that the group chat? Ah, sent a text to the group that definitely wasn't for everyone. You're good. Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers. Goldfish have short memories.

Be like goldfish. It's Tuesday. It is about 420. Hello. Oh, I am irrationally annoyed because I put on a wrinkled shirt, and it's not that anybody cares because by the time anybody gets here, my shirt may be less wrinkled, but I am annoyed by the fact that my shirt is wrinkled, and I'm annoyed that it's got these little, like, the little balls. I don't know if your shirts get these where there's like little balls of, like, what seems like lent all over the shirt, and it's the kind of stuff that can't be picked up by a lent roller. You have to have a special little device that, like, run. It's a little thing.

It's a battery-operated little contraption that you run over the shirt to get all these little balls. I got like it sucks these little balls off of your shirt. And I don't have that. So now I got these little balls that are always in the same spot. Even if I get rid of them on this shirt, they come back in the same spot, which is very strange. But that's what I got going on this morning. And my clock in the studio doesn't work. It just blinks lines.

So I have no idea what time it is unless I'm looking at the computer, which you would think, okay, that's easy. but when you have a habit of looking up at the clock to see what time it is, and there's no clock there, it is a little bit annoying. And I'm tired because I only slept for about two hours last night because I'm a dipshit that stayed up watching two Monday night football games. I bet and stayed up and watched two Monday night football games. And on the East Coast, I don't know if you're aware of this, on the East fucking coast, those games ended at like 1 o'clock. So, yeah, at least the first game started early. Like, I like that. Like I felt like I was back in the central time zone with the game starting at 7 o'clock.

I liked it. Just felt normal. Like, all right, straight up, 7 o'clock. Texans are on. Texans v. Buccaneers on 7 o'clock. Life is good. Let's go. Usually it's like 8.20.

Like this eastern time zone, and I know you got your own issues, but this eastern time zone is a nightmare for someone who wants to stay up and watch anything. Any live sporting event that is on at night. It is a nightmare. Now, if you're watching something that is in the Eastern time zone for the most part, like, all right, the Tigers, right? So the Tigers are going to be on at 7.05 or 645 or whatever. That's fine.

But for the most part, if you want to watch a sporting event that takes place at night and it's not based in Detroit, you're probably going to be watching a football game that starts at like 820. It is wild to me that people live this way, but I don't want to not watch the games because I enjoy watching them. I enjoy betting on them. That's what I dig. So last night, my ass stayed up until about 1 o'clock,

and I woke up at 350 and rolled out of bed, and here the fuck we are. Let's play a couple commercials, and let's talk about that dreadful Texans game. Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered,

but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no, but a banana. That's a yes. A nice tan, sorry, nope, but a box fan, happily yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details.

Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece french toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's Taxes Extra. Bank more oncores when you switch to a Scotia Bank banking package. Learn more at scotiabank.com slash banking packages. Conditions apply. Scotia Bank, you're richer than you think. All right, so the Texans are 0 and 2, and where are they going to get the W?

Where are they going to find the W? Where are they going to get a victory? because last night they had it, but their own ineptitude, particularly their own ineptitude offensively, leads them to an 0-and-2 record. Now, part of it is you've got to give credit to my man Baker Mayfield. Everybody likes to shit on Baker Mayfield for whatever reason. Not so much anymore, but when he came into the league and it looked like he was a bust, we've talked about Baker a lot on this podcast.

Baker is one of the great kind of resurgent stories, a guy that was left for dead, much like it looks like Daniel Jones could end up being in Indianapolis. Well, we've seen that at Baker Mayfield is a guy that was left for dead, a guy that everyone had cast aside, a one that everyone said was a bust, and he gets booted from Cleveland, he kind of disappears and toils around in some other places, gets the shot in Tampa, and he's done nothing but grab the bull by the fucking balls

and take control of the situation. And Baker, even though his numbers weren't particularly good yesterday either, It's not like Baker went out and lit the world on fire. When you look at his numbers, he threw for 2.15, two touches, no interceptions. And, oh, by the way, most of those yards, a good number of those yards came on the final drive of the game. And oh, by the way, a lot of those yards were thrown to running backs and tight ends. They ran the perfect two-minute drill. You know it's a good two-minute drill when it's nothing but running back, running back, tight-end, running back, running back.

When it's those guys making the catches, you are executing that two-minute drill, perfect. and that's what Baker was doing because he was taking what the Texans gave him and just say dink, dunk, dink, dunk, take your shots where they are. Fourth down, game is on the line. What does Baker do? Oh, I'll scramble around and get a first down. The dude's a fucking gritty player. I don't know that I'd say that he's just a winner because Baker hasn't really won anything. I know that he's done well in Tampa and they've made the playoffs a couple years in a row now.

They've won the division a couple years in a row now. Like they are a nice regular season winning team. It's not like Baker's won a Super Bowl. so I'm not going to sit there and say, all this guy does is win, guys. But Baker's a fucking baller. He's a hoss. He's a dude that goes out there and is gritty.

He's just a gritty, gutty dude. And I don't know that that's the same thing you can say about C.J. Stroud. Like, Stroud doesn't suck. But last year was a step backward. We could talk about all the issues the Texans dealt with and offensive line issues. And we can talk about coordinator issues. We can talk about a lot of shit, okay? and there is something to be said about a guy having new coordinators every year.

Like, I get it. There's something to be said about the issues. There's something to be said about losing your best buddy tank Dell. There are, I get it. But so far through two games, C.J. is in that same boat as he was last year where most of the time you're like, what the fuck, dude? Like, what are you doing? Like, you're fine, you're talented. You'll make some throws that are spectacular.

But just you're not getting the job done. and yeah, he threw for 200 yards, cool, and yeah he threw for that touchdown to Nico on the first drive of the game. After that first drive to Nico, they didn't do shit for the most part offensively unless they were gifted good field position or in some cases earned a good field position. You have to give them credit because there were a lot of times like, hey, they blocked a punt late in the game or oh, they returned to punt. So they put themselves in good position non-offensively to be in a good spot and then they still didn't get the job done. But after that initial six-play, 64-yard drive, after the seven-play, 49-yard field goal drive. So after the first quarter, Texans possessions, five plays 20 yards punt, five plays 22 yards, punt, one play end of half, five-place, third quarter, five plays 19 yards, punt, three plays negative five yards, punt, 10-place 71 yards, turnover on downs. then blocked punt field goal cuts it to one touchdown on a two play 26 yard touchdown drive

that is after a great return then you blow the game the one that the downs one was very remarkable the fact that you get to basically the zero yard line you're at the Tampa one yard line first and goal so in that point I think they're about to score they're about to take the lead I take my dog outside dog wants to go run around the yard a little bit I walk in and I hear Jilly go, fuck! I go, what the hell happened? They didn't score. Like, that's just pathetic shit. Like, I get that the game is different now and I get the teams don't have fullbacks now. And I get that everybody runs out of the shotgun now. That's just the way these teams are built. I get all that. Get your fucking ass under center. And if you have

to sneak it three times from the half yard line, sneak it three times from the half yard line. The Eagles have figured it out. Do you think there's any chance that the defense, you know, the Eagles are at the half-yard line with four shots at it, do you believe that the Texans, or in this case, the Eagles would not get it in? Riddle me this, friend, do you believe that if the Eagles had four shots at it from the half-yard line, they wouldn't get it in? They have a play that works so well and is so effective in those spots that people want it to go away, that they have votes on whether or not this play should go away.

people are bitching about the tush push every fucking day they play someone's mad about it some fan base is mad about it some people in the league office the owner somebody's mad about this play because it is damn near unstoppable and you're at the one fucking yard line and you can't punch it in you are at the one you're at the half yard line you have four opportunities to get it in line up and push fucking CJ's ass into the end zone but no look Justin Herbert. I get Justin Herbert's a guy who can't stay healthy. There were moments in the game and the second game where they had a fourth down situation and they just quarterback sneaked it. Sometimes you just have to do that. I think maybe Gino did it once too. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

It's not about, oh, let's get cute. And I consider throwing the ball from the half yard line back-to-back times as cute, as getting cute. you had three cracks at it and nothing. That's getting cute. It is unacceptable to not score from the half-yard line in the NFL. It is unacceptable. The Eagles have shown that it is unacceptable. The Eagles have shown that there is a way to almost always pick that up,

and it will piss off the other team. It will piss off fans of teams that aren't even rooting for that game. It'll piss off the analysts. But it doesn't care. Eagles clearly don't give a shit. They just go out and they get the job done and they get that half yard. They get that yard they need. And they beat you.

And then after the game, the other fans will bitch and say, oh, you lined up offside, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't matter. They get the job done and teams like the Texans don't. And because of that, the Texans are losers today. Now you could say, well, after that, they still got the ball back and they took the lead and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And yes, they did.

They got the ball back multiple times after that. And after blocking a punt, they still screwed the pooch and ran a four-play, zero-yard drive. After the Texans blocked the punt, they started the drive at the Tampa 35. Would you like to know where the drive ended? The Tampa 35. Then they get the ball back on a hella return that looked like it was going to come back because of a penalty. They pick up the flag. You score in two plays.

Haza! you could argue you scored too early really i mean there's an argument i mean look you're not going to not take the touchdown there but you did score too early because you gave them the ball with 210 there was a holding so you had them set back on the uh on the kickoff and then you just let baker go to work bang bang bang you end up in a fourth down what does baker do fourth and ten he just finds away man 15 yard run boom first down they're at the 47 yard line eight yard pass to who the tight end after that a 22 yard pass to who the running back if i know who these balls are going to and look i get it's easier said than done but i sat there on the

couch and i told jillie this is the the two minute drill is the running back in tight end time because you're going to have a lot of receivers going out to catch passes people are going to try to sure that Mike Evans doesn't beat you. They're going to make sure that Abuka doesn't beat you. So what's going to happen is it's just going to be basically a dump off to running back. It's going to be a dump off to tight end, seven, eight yards here, there, right? What did you get? 22-yard pass to Irving. Oh, by the way, a five-yard pass to Irving. If you look at three consecutive pass plays, they went to the tight end, the running back, and the running

back, and they amassed about 40 yards. And before it was all said done, they threw it to Otten again. It wasn't Mike Evans that ruled the day. On the last drive of the game, as I sat there on the couch, I said, Jilly, they're just going to throw the ball to the running back and the tight end. And that drive was 12-yard pass to the running back, zero-yard pass to the running back, in completion, incompletion, scramble, pass to the tight end, pass to the running back, pass to the running back.

Mike Evans makes a play and then pass to the tight end to set up the touchdown run. And you lose the game. And now you're 0 and 2. And if you look at what you were last year, you were not a very good football team. You're an okay football team. After a really good first year,

we talked about how the second year was kind of mad. This year's shaping up disastrously. Now, if you're looking for the positive, you haven't played well at all offensively. and you've lost by a combined six points. That's the positive. The negative is you should have won this game going away. You had every opportunity to do it.

You motored down the field in the first quarter. You scored 10 first quarter points. And what did you do? You found a way to blow it. You found a way to blow it because you had opportunities with an and goal from the one yard line and three cracks at it and you threw it twice. and you got stopped at the zero yard line.

Oh, by the way, you got a missed field goal from Tampa. If that wasn't enough that your third quarter was punt and punt, Tampa's got the ball and misses a chip shot field goal that would have put them up seven. You're still only down four. And you work your way down the field, second and goal at the one, stopped on a run, incompletion, incompletion, that's a joke. Then you still get the blocked punt and you have to settle. for a field goal.

Then you get the great return, and you finally score the touchdown to go ahead, and then your defense lets down. Again, you lost two games by six points. So you look at it that way, and you go, I guess shit could have been worse. We lost the first game, didn't score touchdown. This game, we've scored two touchdowns. There are ways to look at game two as some sort of an improvement. But when you're at home and you've got to go.

good football team on the ropes and you can't put them away, when Baker scrambles for 15 on fourth down, when Bucky Irving has 40 receiving yards on the last drive of the game, and oh, by the way, that's not receiving yards for a team that's down eight, nine, and has to get the ball back twice. That's a team trying to put together a game-winning drive when all they need is a touchdown to beat you, and you let it happen. I'm not saying the Texans suck. I'm not saying they're not going to make the playoffs.

What I am saying is it's clear that they have some big time issues. They have big time issues in that CJ is fine, but he ain't looking like a star. They have issues in that they have Nico Collins, and Nico Collins isn't getting the ball nearly enough. After that first pass of the game, after the first play in the end zone, how many times did Nico touch the ball after that? Well, he had three fucking catches. And I don't know if it's that he ain't getting open. I don't know if it's because everybody else is a bum, and there are some. some dudes on the squad like their wide receiver room ain't scaring anybody there ain't another dude

to run with nico and i get that nico's not like a high volume type of guy where it's like cd lamb who's going to have 12 catches or mike evans who's going to have seven eight catches or lad mcconkey who might have eight nine catches maybe that's not who nico collins is i get that like a lot of his numbers come on chunks like oh there's a 40 yard catch or whatever there's a big over-the-top player in the case of that what was a 20-something yard touchdown catch he's not going to be a guy that's going to catch 11 balls like he's Malik neighbors, but he's the best weapon you have. And he's catching the ball three times. One of those being in the first quarter, that's an issue.

That's a problem that you have. Anyway, more to come.