The Josh Innes Show - I Have Been Violated By A Tick

Episode Date: June 11, 2025

Last night I discovered a tick in my head. I'm not convinced I'm going to die. Join me as we read the internet and try to decipher which tick borne illness I'm going to contract. Why don't humans have the same meds as dogs..you know, the ones that kill ticks? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello friends, what's going on? I discovered last night while I was laying around watching TV I started scratching my head and I felt like a little kind of like a bump that felt like a blister or like a scab I guess you could say so I started kind of scratching at it and as I scratch I went to the bathroom Like what is this? It was kind of like on the side of my head. My hair is really long, right? Let me say really long. I haven't gotten a haircut in, oh, I guess three months. I flew somewhere for a job thing three months ago. So back in March, I flew somewhere about a potential job. And I got a haircut for that. And since

then, I have not gotten a haircut. So my hair is three months of length, however long that is. So it was really short on the side before and now, you know, I mean, it's not like a mullet or anything, but it's long. So it's not like I can just like look at scalp and see something. So I'm scratching and I go into the bathroom and kind of pick it off like it's a scab. Turns out it's a goddamn tick and the fucker was still alive.

Like he falls into the sink and is like scurrying around and shit. And I'm like, fuck, now I'm going to end up getting goddamn Lyme disease or something else. So, um, and we talked yesterday about like brain eating amoebas and shit. So like I'm petrified of getting something from ticks. I have no idea what caused my encephalitis when I got it, but that shit was fucked up. The most frightening thing that's ever happened to me in my life

and it was like a month long ordeal that nobody could figure out and it was terrible. So anytime something like that happens, I get freaked out. So I just start Googling. I just start Googling stuff about ticks and what to do with ticks and like what kind of ticks. So what I actually ended up doing doing actually let me play a couple commercials and I'll continue. The NBA finals are finally here and after spending the playoffs all over the Pick Six app from Draft Kings. Well, we're ready for the championship round and this is your last shot to win some real cash before the

season ends. The simplest way to get in on the action is downloading the PIC 6 app from DraftKings and it's super simple. Just pick more or less on the stats for two or more of your favorite players and boom you're in the mix for big cash prizes. Now you're PICs and you're heating up. PIC 6 brings upside with payouts up to 500 times. Are you ready to make your finals run? Well, new DraftKings Pick 6 customers can toss in just $5

on your first entry and you'll get $50 in bonus picks instantly. So here's what you do. Download the DraftKings Pick 6 app right now and use the code INNES, that's code I-N-N-E-S. New customers pay $5, get 50 in bonus picks instantly. Ride the upside. Only on DraftKings Pick 6. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org in Connecticut. Must be 18 plus.

Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdiction. Pick 6 not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Voidware prohibited. One per new customer. Bonus awarded is non-withdrawable. Pick 6 bonus picks that expire in 14 days. Limited time offer. Terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash promos. So what I ended up doing was I like grabbed it with a napkin and threw it in the garbage can. Then I Google and Google is like don't throw ticks in the garbage can, dip shit, you got to flush them down the toilet. So I go dig them through

the garbage can for the tissue and I throw the tissue in the garbage can, right? And I flush the tissue. Well, the fucker comes back up. He's like fucking Jason. This thing won't stop. Like I thought I flushed him and like there's nothing in the toilet and then vroom. It's like jaws. This damn tick comes back up out of the toilet and he's just floating around still alive. So I'm like I need to find out what kind of tick this is because in my Googling I discovered

there are different kinds of ticks and different kind of ticks carry various kinds of diseases. Some have, you know, Lyme disease. Some have the Rocky Mountain spotted fever, all this shit. So I'm like, shit, what kind of tick is this, right? So I, I reach my hand in there with a piece of toilet paper and I get this tick on this piece of toilet paper and he's still alive and moving and shit and I'm trying to take a picture. You want to look like a dipshit? Have your phone out trying to take a picture of a tick that's

floating around on a piece of toilet paper in a toilet. Okay, you look like an asshole. But I eventually was able to take a couple of pictures zoomed in on that. And this thing was small. I mean, this thing is a very, very small tick. And so I get out the camera, take the picture, I zoom in and screenshot it and keep that picture, and I hit the little eye button, the little information button to tell me what exactly I'm looking at. Like what kind of tick this could potentially be. And according to my phone, And according to my phone, this is an American dog tick. Now I'm looking at it like, God, you son of a bitch. So then I start looking up American dog tick and what kind of diseases the

American dog tick can carry. And from what it looks like, it could carry the Rocky Mountain spotted fever. It is a common parasite found in the eastern US and parts of Canada and Mexico. Let's see, should I worry about an American dog tick bite? If you believe you have contracted one of the American dog tick diseases mentioned above, please call a healthcare professional. American dog tick diseases mentioned above? Please call a healthcare professional. American dog ticks can cause tick paralysis which can lead to severe respiratory distress

and muscle weakness and those affected. Fuck! God damn it! Why is this happening to me? God damn it! So anyway, so then I'm freaking out about it and I start looking up other shit about the tick and like what could happen with this tick and what kind of issues I could have. It did not look like the tick had been on there all that long.

So what I've been reading is that like ticks kind of have to be embedded on you for a long time really for there to be like a serious possibility of shit happening to you. This thing didn't look fat, didn't look like it was full of blood or anything like that, so maybe he hadn't been there all that long, but now I'm convinced that I'm going to have the Rocky Mountain spotted fever or something of the sort and now I'm just freaked out even more. So like a day after I read the story about the brain-eating amoebas, a day after, you know, I'm like, Oh my God, like my greatest fear is a brain-eating amoeba that one would get from a fucking, you know, a neti pot that I'm laying in bed last night. And sure enough, turns out there's a damn tick in the side of my head. Now it feels like there's a bump. Again, I don't know how bad this was.

Now you can read various things about ticks. Some of them are like, listen, more than likely this thing doesn't have a disease because like basically one to five percent of these things might actually carry anything. So who the fuck knows? Can you get Lyme disease from an American dog tick? No, you cannot get Lyme disease from the American dog tick and that's totally the tick too. Also known as the wood tick, Lyme disease is transmitted by the black-legged tick, also known as the deer tick. While the American dog tick can carry and transmit other diseases like Rocky Mountain spotted feather and tularemia, it does not carry the bacteria that causes Lyme disease. Do I want to know what tularemia is? I guess I will. A rare and highly infectious bacterial disease

caused by Francellatulinares. It can affect hundreds of wild and domestic mammals, including humans, but most commonly impacts rodents, rabbits, and hares. The illness can range from mild to life-threatening with symptoms varying depending on how the bacteria enters the body. So that sounds like it's more for rabbits. Fuck the rabbits George. What are the signs and symptoms? Now I'm going, now I'm doing something I shouldn't do. I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't go down this wormhole or rabbit hole in this case. I shouldn't do it but I'm gonna do it. Patients with Orphageal Tularemia may have a sore throat, mouth ulcers, tonsillitis, and swelling of lymph glands in the neck. Is Tularemia fatal in humans? Some people might

recover from Tularemia without antibiotics but the risk of severe complications including organ damage is high. Up to 30% of untreated cases of type A tularemia are fatal. Well, fuck. How am I supposed to know if I have tularemia? Shit. And then I was talking to Jim Mudd. I'm like, Jim, what do you think? He's like, well, I mean, I guess you could just go see a doctor just to see. I'm like, I don't have insurance. How the fuck, what good is that? It's gonna cost me too much fucking money. Like can I just go to the doctor and be like listen I got bitten by a tick give me an antibiotic. Does that work that way? Can I just go to the doctor and be like listen here

pal I was bitten by a tick I just want an antibiotic just to be safe inject me with some shit whatever. just to be safe. Inject me with some shit whatever. Let's see. Tularemia is a bacterial disease is primarily transmitted to humans through insect bites, especially from ticks and deer flies and through direct contact with infected animals. Shit. Ingestion of contaminated food or water, inhalation of contaminated... Oh, fuck my... Now I'm just... Now I really wish I wouldn't have read this. Can you recover from tularemia? Most

infections can be treated successful with antibiotics. I need antibiotics. Can I just... Like, I'm gonna call the doctor and be like, listen here. I was bitten by a tick and I'd like to have an antibiotic. I don't have insurance. Just give me a fuck. How much does an antibiotic cost? Can I go to like, you know, I don't know, like Amazon, they've got a pharmacy now. Can I go to Amazon and just buy an antibiotic, please? What are the two diseases most commonly leaked to a bite from a tick? Lyme disease

is one of them. How do doctors diagnose tularemia? Let's see, immunohistochemical staining sequence based technologies or polymers chain reaction. Shit, that sounds expensive. I don't have insurance so I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Now there was no blood or anything like so when I like I've taken dogs off a ticks before ticks off a dogs before and I've seen blood there was absolutely there was no blood. No blood whatsoever. So I really don't you know like I don't know what the issue is. I'll have maybe I'll have

jelly look at my head. I don't know. I mean it just feels like a little bump. All right I'm gonna look that up. Little bump. This is ridiculous. Little bump after tick bite. A small red bump at the site of a tick bite is a common reaction and may resemble a mosquito bite. This reaction is typically due to the body's inflammatory response to the tick's saliva. It usually resolves within a few days and is usually not a sign of Lyme disease or other tick-borne illness." I think that's the one we need to go with, kids.

I think that's the one. Now, I have no idea what this little bump looks like, but there is a little bump, and maybe I'll have Jelly look at the little bump, and I don't know. But I think we should go with this one. I think this story is our best bet here. The common reaction is a small red or sometimes black bump is a typical response to a tick bite, similar to a mosquito bite.

The tick's saliva can trigger an inflammatory response in the skin leading to a bump, redness or swelling. Not always a sign of Lyme disease. While a small bump can be a sign of a tick bite, it doesn't automatically indicate Lyme disease or other tick-borne illness, you got to monitor for symptoms, right? Okay, flu-like symptoms, rashes, a bull's-eye rash, especially the bull's-eye rash associated with Lyme disease or a bite site that appears infected. Pain, change in skin color, oozing. None of that's happening either. If any of you are people who know shit about tick bites that are listening to this, if you're somebody that's

like, hell yeah, brother, I know about tick bites, let me fucking know. Send me an email or something. Because I've had some fucked up shit in my day. Did I tell you that I had scabies once? I have no fucking clue how I got scabies, but I had scabies one time. You know what scabies are? Nasty, itchy, weird shit. Let me tell you about scabies. All right, here we go. Scabies is a parasitic infestation caused by tiny mites that burrow into the skin and lay eggs causing intense itching and pain. Like how is scabies, like how do you

transmit scabies? Like I don't know. Primarily spread through skin, prolonged skin to skin contact. So you don't probably happen. A buddy of mine probably got scabies because he always dealt with like animals and shit and then he and I would hang out and then boom somehow I got scabies. I did not fuck my friend that had scabies. So I don't want anybody thinking that. I don't want anybody going, no you know how you got scabies because you fucked your friend that liked to go out into the woods and shit That's not the case But I guess somehow I got scabies and I remember that shit being itchy and terrible and having to rub creams and shit all over

It it sucked. I've had encephalitis I've had fucking scabies now I've got a tick bite and I might might have Rocky Mountain spotted fever probably not Lyme disease But tularemia is not ruled out and neither is Rocky Mountain spotted fever, probably not Lyme disease, but tularemia is not ruled out and neither is Rocky Mountain spotted fucking fever. My friend's a doctor. I wonder if he can just send me some antibiotics. Like, hey, get in the mail and send your boy some antibiotics because I cannot

afford to go to the doctor. I'm broke and I have no insurance. Somebody help. But I don't I mean it doesn't seem like something that's going to kill me but what is you know that Avril got Lyme disease once my angel my babe who's going to be in town tomorrow for a rock and roll concert. She got this and so did Mr. Darryl Hall. Darryl Hall of Darryl Hall and John Oates also had Lyme disease. It seems terrible.

Now again it this does not seem like what I will have. It does not seem like I will have Lyme disease, but Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever is in play. Tularemia is in play. Some bullshit what we're dealing with here. It was a great day yesterday. I went to visit the Asians. I got my feet rubbed for like 30 fucking minutes. I said, sir, work on that bunion. He's like, okay. And then boom, I'm getting my bunions rubbed. Life is good. And now I might have Rocky Mountain spotted

fever. So I know you got your own problems in life. But I may have Rocky Mountain spotted fever. I have no symptoms. The tick that I pulled off me had no blood. But how do like humans not have like a tick resistant thing? Dogs take shit that kills ticks instantly when they land on them and bite them and shit. Why don't humans have that? I think we take too much care of these goddamn dogs, not enough care about humans. That's obviously a big turn from what I normally think, but I normally think, but that's before I got Rocky Mountain spotted fucking fever. Maybe. Anyway, more to come.