The Josh Innes Show - I Told You!

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

Jilly joins me for a postgame, drinking pod. I told you the Chiefs would beat the Bills and it would be shrouded in controversy. I made a $1,000 money line bet and it hit. Why? Because it was the lock of the century. Jilly almost hit an incredible bet that would have pissed me off to the point I'd have divorced her. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, Jamokes! What did I tell you? Lock of the century. The Chiefs, we just watched the Chiefs win. Shocker that the Chiefs won as they win by three in a game that there was controversy. Said there'd be controversy. There'd be amazing controversy. Lots of controversy. And there was.

There was that fourth down play, the spot on the fourth down play, the spot on the third down play. But here we are. And I put my money where my mouth was or is. I guess if it's in the past tense, it has to be I put my money where my mouth was or I'm going to put my money where my mouth is. So past tense, money where my mouth was. I said, look, everybody should play this money line. I didn't take the spread.

I was worried. You never know. One point game, who knows? You know, you don't want to just, basically, if it's a one and a half point spread, I don't want to get caught with my dick in my hand and be like, shit, I won the game. But somehow half a point got me. So I just took the money line, took a little less, you know, of a win. But I put a thousand bucks like I said I would.

I said I'm putting a thousand bucks out of my gambling account on the Chiefs money line. And I never, I mean, you sat here with me. I was never concerned at all that they would lose. No, and I think you need to clarify because people will be like, I saw your tweet. You said $900, but explain. You did put the extra. Well, I screwed up, and the first one I put in was $100.

I didn't put the extra zero, and I could have cashed it out and just put a $1,000 bet in, but they would have taken $10 for the cash out, so that seems stupid. So I did bet $1,000, and I won $800 on that, so thank you very much. I lost some other shit. A lot of my individual shit didn't hit in this Buffalo game. A lot of good shit happened in the earlier game, but it kind of leveled out because of the stupid shit that happened in the second game, but at least we won the big one, and here we are.

We sit here today. Shocker, shocker, shocker. We're talking about refs when it comes to the Chiefs. There are so many things I enjoy, though, about the Chiefs and their winning. But I think my favorite thing, though, about their fans, because remember, when I was a kid, I grew up, like, because I was born in Missouri we lived in Springfield big Chiefs area I lived there for a couple years when I was a kid my dad was a Chiefs fan mom Chiefs fan so I grew up watching them and rooting for them when I was a kid I didn't start rooting for the Saints until I moved to Baton Rouge and really started going to games and shit in the late 90s early 2000s and I became a fan of the New Orleans Saints so and there's still a part of me that

remembers being a Chiefs fan growing up but when I I was a kid, one of the big things was that the Chiefs in the 1990s would always find creative ways to lose playoff games. That's what made it, like, it was maddening. If you are a fan of the Chiefs, you know what I'm talking about. They would lose, they'd be 13 and 3 get a home playoff game and then lose you know 10 to 7 or 9 to 6 or 6 to 3 I mean that's just kind of shit that happened to them and these fans were just known as these poor pitiful sad sacks that rooted for a team that would always find a way to lose now it's a totally different universe that none of those people understand because a lot of these are Johnny come lately new people that are like new money people and they're experiencing this for the first time now they're on the other side of it now they're on the other side where every break goes their way every big game is won

by them so it's a new universe for these people but when I was a kid it was just always Chiefs find a way to fucking lose in the playoffs that's who they are are. Now they're not. So I look at the Chiefs people now, and these people carry themselves like a bunch of jamokes that invented football. A kingdom. Yeah. Oh God. The fucking Chiefs kingdom. You're not a monarchy. You rip off Native American culture. You bang a fucking drum. You wear headdresses. You're borderline racist. Spare me on the chief's kingdom you're not a monarchy where's the king where's the queen where the fuck are they where's the prince

but anyway I digress so you look at Kansas City and what I love about Kansas City and the hypocrisy of Kansas City is for years and years they were the team that always found a way to lose. And then they would bitch about how, well, Tom Brady gets every call and the rest. And trust me, anybody you see on social media do this. It's a fun thing if you have X, right? And this is how I saw that Bob Fesco doof on the radio in Kansas City saying that losers bitch about the refs after the Texans game. And then you just put in his name, Bob Fesco and refs. Dude spends years bitching about refs when it comes to Kansas City sports they're all full of shit anybody you ever see on social media saying that idiot fans of other teams blame the refs and he's some Chiefs guy that's got like a fucking headdress in his picture a guy dressed like a fucking Indian looking like fucking half

breed Cher video okay he's like on a fucking horse with a headdress and a fucking spear, okay? He's like KC Wolf, all right? If you see those people, go to your ex, when you see them on X, type in their name and refs, and I guarantee you there will be something from 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, all these times before the Chiefs started winning all these Super Bowls where they're bitching about how the refs screwed them. It's inevitable. They are frauds. They are phonies. And the thing about the Chiefs people that stands out the most to me, like the other dynasty, if you want to look at it that way, you talk about dynasties like the Patriots, right? The Patriots had the big dynasty with Tom Brady and all the people would bitch about how they cheated. And oh, the Patriots deflated footballs. And oh, Spygate. No, Brady gets all the calls. bitch about how they cheated and oh the patriots deflated footballs and oh spygate no brady gets all the calls you know what made boston people better than kansas city people

is that boston people didn't give a shit they embraced it they liked it they liked being the villain that's what they did well they swung their dicks they loved that they were winning and that you thought that their their victory was ill begotten they loved it they adored it that's what made it great like can you imagine a universe where like freddy krueger is like everybody is afraid of freddy or like freddy's like the bad guy in the movie but then wants to know why like nancy doesn't like him can you imagine like freddy's going into people's fucking dreams and like oh there's tina and she's asleep and he starts dragging her across the ceiling and he sees her like in the boiler room and she goes oh god he goes this

is god and she starts running and he's like but why are you running why don't you like me why don't the kids of elm street like me the kids of springwood why don't they fucking like me or if you're like jason and j Jason's looking at all the kids at Camp Crystal Lake, and he's like, why are you so afraid? I want to be your friend, like Sloth. Like Sloth scared the shit out of everybody, but deep down, Sloth was just a nice guy, right?

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So Sloth was a nice guy, but he looked like a freak. So because of the fact that Sloth looked like a freak, everybody was afraid of him. But deep down, sloth was actually just a really nice, gentle guy, right? That's Chiefs fans, right? Like, Chiefs fans look like big and bad, and they win all these Super Bowls. But then, like, you start ripping them, and they're like, baby Ruth? Like, that's who they are. They're sloth. They can't handle the heat because they're Midwestern hillbilly doofuses that don't know how to handle heat.

That's the difference between the East Coast. Now, granted, I say that about Philly. Philly people are weird because they can handle the heat, but then they can't handle the heat. We'll get into Philly people when we do a thing about the Philly stuff. I'll say it. So, for what it's worth, you're rooting for McDougal. Oh, 100%. There is no doubt. I am rooting for Philadelphia to win the Super Bowl, you're rooting for McDougal. Oh, 100%. There is no doubt.

I am rooting for Philadelphia to win the Super Bowl, which, look, nothing against Philadelphia. It doesn't really go against my DNA to root against them. I've rooted for them and stuff before. I don't hate them as much as I did 10 years ago. I really don't hate McDougal at all. I kind of find McDougal endearing at this point, right? But Kansas City people I hate because they're new money,

and they're the worst kind of people. The worst kind of people are Midwestern people who are assholes, but they carry themselves with this bless your heart type of mentality. Like they're the nicest people on the planet, but deep down, they're just not nice people. And that's a lot of these Kansas City people. They're the kind of people who like to be nice to your face so they can act like they're nice and then talk mad shit about you behind your back. That's Midwestern people. Midwestern people love to do that shit, but then they can't handle that you don't like them. They struggle to deal with the fact that they, look, a lot of your spoils have been ill-begotten.

You got a great quarterback. You got a great fucking coach. You got one of the greatest tight ends ever. You got a great fucking coach. You got one of the greatest tight ends ever. You got a great defensive coordinator. You don't need the refs to help you win yet. The refs always seemingly help you win in big spots and people call you out on the shit. And you did the same thing with Tom Brady. You did the same thing with other people that beat you. You bitch about the calls these guys get, but now that you're on the receiving end of it, you can't just embrace it and throw up double birds and say, ha ha, we've gone to the Super Bowl. You sit around and whine that people

don't give you your fucking respect. You're annoying. You're Midwestern hillbilly fake nice dopes. That's Kansas City. Look, I'm glad they won because I told you that. Well, I wasn't even worried that they were going away. I told you all week last week that it was written in the stars. It was inevitable. They were going to win. And look, I understand that there were other opportunities in the game, but it came down to a big moment in the game in a one-point game. Buffalo with the lead, with the ball, plus territory, fourth and one.

And we didn't even get a measurement on the play. Honestly, I don't even think that call was weird. They should have at least measured it. But, I mean, bad calls aside, questionable calls aside, there was no way the Chiefs were losing to the Bills. The Bills beat them in the regular season. You don't count that last game because nobody played. That was their one loss.

You thought Buffalo was going to beat them again? Not a not a chance no and that's why i went big i very rarely bet the money line in any game anyway i should have gone big you should have and we'll get into your oh i i had a day you had some you had some shit some good and some some shit that one fucking thing would happen i would have lost my fucking mind i would have divorced you if this thing would have hit i would have divorced you but i absolutely would have divorced you i would have thing would have happened. I would have lost my fucking mind. I would have divorced you. If this thing would have hit, I would have divorced you. But I absolutely would have divorced you. No. I would have.

It would have been over. Which sounds ridiculous to say that a big bet, but I'll explain in a second. You would have divorced me? I would have divorced you had that hit. I would have walked out. I would have packed an overnight bag and left. I would have left your car. I would have just taken a bus somewhere that's my sonata

both yours i don't want it i would have gone to the fucking bus station and down i would have taken an uber to the bus station you would have got stabbed no shit but i would have i would have gone to the bus station you and ross could stay right here you could keep everything anything you want you can have give away the rest I would have been a vagabond. I would have just disappeared. I would have been like Kane in Kung Fu. I was just going to go just travel the fucking earth. I'll talk about it right now.

I'll talk about it right now. So you had a couple of parlays hit today. Now, let me start here, though. So while I sit here and tell you that I bet $1,000, I bet $1,000 on the money line of this game now mind you a lot of people listen to this and they're like how does a guy that doesn't have a job bet a thousand dollars well it's very simple right and this is part of my plan for remaining uh you know at least above water while I'm looking for a job right I am a professional sports better

that's what the truth is no what it comes down to you aspire to be jame holzhauer from jeopardy that's who I am now granted if you look at my lifetime of betting on sports on both of these betting apps I'm down like 20 grand probably if not 20 grand might be low balling and I'm down a lot right but it is what it is but I have a decent amount of money in these two accounts I will give you credit because at least this year you've kind of reined it in there was that one year when you were like down 20 grand oh no I'm now that that year is one of those yeah look but this year I feel like you've done a to your credit you've done a good job of not putting more money

in and more money in and more money in correct because I've been up and I've had money in my accounts. You see, whenever I'm not getting up and things don't go my way, I've put in a lot of money. But my point being is this. Now you don't have money to put in. Correct. Back when I had money to put in, it was really easy to do. And then when I tried to explain it to Martin, our CPA guy, he's like, so how are you down 35 grand on FanDuel this year? I'm like, well, Martin, our CPA guy, is like, so how are you down 35 grand on FanDuel this year? I'm like, well, Martin, I'm not really down 35 grand because I've put money back in that I've taken out. So really,

I'm only down like 16 grand. But anyway, that's neither here nor there. So my point being in all of this is that I have a decent amount of cash. Like every now and then things will get really hot on the Swedish soccer front or the Swedish hockey front or the Ukrainian table tennis front. And I'll get really hot. I did really well during bowls and everything else. So for the most part, I haven't had to put in money for the entire football season, maybe a grand or so total. I don't know how much I put in over the last six months, but like not a ton. It's not been a ton of cash I've had to put in. A grand is a ton of cash. Not in six months, it's not.

I put in like $150 and I was like, oh shit. Yeah, but I'm talking about over six. Again, I've put in some cash in my day. I have failed miserably at this, but I have enough in there where I could probably pay the rent for a couple months. You know what I'm saying?

And that's what we need. That's why I'm doing this. This is why I make these. Oh, shit. But March Madness is coming up. And March Madness is where we lose it all. Because we know nothing about March Madness. Yet you like to sit around at the bar and go put in goddamn bets on this.

We've already planned. Oh, boy. March Madness. First day of the tournament. Let's take Ross to daycare. And you and I go sit at a bar in Illinois and see what happens. You know what happens when you do that? You lose.

Unless you live bet. You got to live bet the tournament. Unless you go sit at a bar in Illinois. That's how you win. You live bet. Look, this is my full-time job. I know it sounds ridiculous. And when you try to explain it to your parents or your CPA, they don't get it.

Mostly your CPA. They don't understand my full-time job. Your dad does not care no my dad's like josh i'm busy but like like everybody's like why don't you go drive an uber i'm like that sounds like a great idea or i can take the car i'd be using to drive uber drive it 10 miles 15 miles to illinois sit in illinois and bet on swedish hockey what if you just take the car to ill and drive Uber in Illinois? Oh, we'd be doubling up.

Yeah. That's actually a solid plan. But anyway, so as it stands now, maybe I will. Maybe I'll start doing that. Like, I don't want to drive Uber. Our car is not nice enough to drive Uber and pick people up. They probably would actually deny it.

They'd be like, sir, your car makes really fucked up noises. Like, is it going to fall apart? Like, oddly enough, the radio still works, as odd as that may sound. But no, but like we could do, I could do door dash in Columbia. You could do door dash. You don't pick people up, they let you do it. Like, I wonder what the, like, I can't imagine there's a ton of door dashing that would have to happen in Columbia, though, because it's a small little area.

But if I kind of went around the whole, that whole area, what, Madison County or whatever that is, I might get a little bit of action. If you go at lunch, you'd probably bring people lunch to their offices and stuff. Correct. But I could make more money doing this if I were like over in Kirkwood or somewhere that's far, you know, more populated. But then I couldn't drive around and make my live bet parlays. What if you went to like Edwardsville or like one of the more. Oh, yeah. Or like, yeah, Fairview Heights.

You know what? Maybe that's what I'm going to start doing every day. I'm going to go to Fairview Heights, start driving a DoorDash, and I'll double up my money while I'm also betting. Boy, this is a great idea. We've solved it. Do you want to know my bets?

Yeah, that's... Sorry, let me rewind here and go back to that. So this all started with talking about Jilly's... Why I would have divorced Jilly had this happened. Now, just to remind people about Jilly. Jilly does not make large bets. Like today I gave her, I said, I'll give you a $50 bet out of my thing,

and she got a guy that had zero yards. That's why I don't make big bets. No, you're the smart one, but like $50 is a big bet. But for you, like $3 is a huge bet. For me, like five and up is a big bet. Like I'm on a heater right now. I've won like four games in a row that involve the Memphis Grizzlies. And each win has been like $30.

But each play is like $2. So for me, I've played like $8 to $10 and I've won like $120. So that's cool. No, it's very good. And by the way, and I make jokes. But if you're someone that just... That's fun. No, it is.

I don't do it for fun. I'm a degenerate at this point. I don't do it for fun. I've done it for 10, since 2012 I've been fucking around with this shit. So at this point I can't do it just for fun because why? I have a problem. But then so like, so I will do a bet. And like sometimes I'll be like, oh, I really like this parlay.

Like it's three, four legs. Let me put $10 on it, right? Not one of those has ever hit. So you've got the right system. But the ones that I'm like, this is just for fun. Let's fuck around, right? Yeah. I put like, for instance, the first one I won today was plus $2,800.

So just for those who don't understand, plus $2,800 means if you bet $100 and that wins, you win $2,800. Which means if you bet $50 on it, it wins $1,400. Which means if you bet $10 on it, it wins $280. Do you want to know what happens when you bet $1.58? Do tell. You win $45. 58 do tell you win 45 so like that would kill me to know that i bet two a dollar 50 on something that had like 300 to one odds of winning and then it hit and then i and like it would make me i would feel like shit inside these are the ones that like when you look at like you know game

specials like there's like plus 2 000 plus 5 plus 5,000. Like none of these will ever hit. Right. So I build my own. I get plus 2,800 all on any time touchdowns in one game. Mind you. What were the four touchdowns? AJ Brown, Jalen Hurts, Jaden Daniels, and Saquon Barkley. And this was plus 2,800.

Yeah. And you won out of all that. Like, that is a, like, it is, like, for that to hit is truly ridiculously unlikely. Four touchdowns in the same game that I picked. Plus 3,000, basically. So, 100 bucks wins you three grand. You won $40 on this. 45. All right.

Now, if that doesn't annoy you enough when you hear, now, granted, you didn't hit this next one. Thank Christ. It almost did. hit this next one. Thank Christ. It almost did. If this next one would have hit, we would be divorced. This is the one that would have been the divorce. All right. So please explain it to everyone. All right.

So earlier when we were walking Ross around Columbia, Illinois, I said, because I already put my bets in for the day. And I said, you know what? I'm going to do one more. And it's kind of wacky. I'm going to take every one of these quarterbacks today to run in a touchdown. So all four quarterbacks, which is not all that unlikely that each of them could do it, because they're all pretty mobile dudes. Yeah.

Well, I guess the least likely of that bunch, none of them really are. The least likely would have been Mahomes. He did it twice. He was the longest odds by by far um so I took Jalen Hurts, Jaden Daniels, Josh Allen, and Patrick Mahomes to all score touchdowns and Josh Allen was probably one of the most bet people today to score a touchdown right so that was plus 52 77 so again if you bet a hundred dollars you win 5200 if you bet 50 you win like what would that be like 2600 if you did that but jilly what did you bet on this one dollar what would one so one

dollar then would have won 52 yeah and i was obviously i wanted the chiefs to win because i bet on the Chiefs. But when they ran it multiple times at the goal line with Josh Allen today down there and I'm like, if he scores, I was ready to get up and leave.

I was literally ready to get up, grab my shit, and I was going to leave. This one I was like, I will die if he scores. Because again, I always like, so the ones that I feel, the ones I feel really good about that I'll put on like 10, like sometimes I'll put $10, right? Sometimes I'll be feisty. Like, I really like this one, right?

I'll put $10 on. Nothing. The ones that I'm like, this is fucking stupid. I'm letting money on fire. I'll put a dollar on it. And then that's the one that's like, holy shit. Admittedly,

you're the smart one here and one of us needs to be. But then it's got to annoy you and my sister because my sister always asks us for parlays because now she's a degenerate too. Not to the level I'm a degenerate, but like my sister will like text us

and be like, hey, I'm thinking about doing this parlay or whatever. Or then she'll text us to let us know she hit one. And my sister will even bet like 30 bucks on parlay. So my sister, if I had to guess, I feel like my sister on a couple of parlay hits since she started has probably made more money than you have lifetime on these parlay.

No, because when we first started and we lived in Tennessee, I somehow had my account up to like $3,000. And I took out $1, thousand because i'm smart unlike you oh that that's the thing i've always been up i just never take money out but um now i'm just struggling like i think about like 170 on my draft kings which is pretty good for me now heading into the super that's uh that's like 170 bets for you or well now heading into the super bowl i'm gonna lose all of that well Well, yep. So? Because I'll be stupid. This is what I'll do.

I'm going to put $30 on one thing, and then that won't happen. It's very possible. But the one that I put a dollar on, cash money. Yes. All right. Since we got derailed talking about gambling there, here's what I'm going to do. We'll wrap up this one. We'll get back into the games

in another pod here. All right? Good. Sound good? More to come.