The Josh Innes Show - I'm A Terrible Neighbor

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

Hello Friends! I think our new dog Ross could be one of those agility dogs. This guy can fly. This is sort of a weird experience because Ross is so different than ol' Luther. That's not to say it's a bad thing. It's just a different thing. I'm not very good at being a neighbor. Is this bad? I can't really handle small talk. Plus, random radio remote stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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The Dignity Memorial brand name is used to identify a network of licensed funeral cremation and cemetery providers owned and operated by affiliates of Service Corporation International. Hello, friends. What's going on? It's Josh. It's about 10.15 on Wednesday. Just got back from a long walk with Ross, who is a sweet boy. A little rambunctious, a little wild sometimes when he sees other dogs. Not something I'm totally used to, if I can be honest with you, because Luther did not care about other dogs. He would literally just prance past other dogs. Like if we're walking and we're both sharing a sidewalk,

like here I am with Luther and somebody else was coming the other way with a dog, I knew it wasn't going to be an issue because Luther would literally trot past them he had this little prance that he would do when he would walk past other dogs he looked like a clydesdale just kind of high stepping past these dogs with his nose in the air whereas ross if he sees another dog literally four miles away he's locked in on this other dog and will not stop paying attention which i think is normal like i think what i've learned here in my dog world is that my dog luther was really abnormal in that he hated other dogs in that he never ate in that he had no interest in paying attention to dogs or people when we were on walks he He was just an abnormal, not abnormal in that he was messed up,

just unique. He was a unique dog in that way. Whereas I think what I'm experiencing now is more actual dog stuff. And that's what we're doing with Ross, but he's got high energy. We walked like 20,000 steps yesterday. Again, that doesn't sound like a lot, but when you're a fat ass that's been sitting around just betting on Ukrainian table tennis for the last four months, walking 20,000 steps is quite the day, right? But what's fascinating about this dog is that once you get him to come to bed, he hogs the whole bed and has my ass falling off the bed. Maybe that'll change. Maybe it won't. I don't know but once you get him to sleep this dog will sleep for hours and hours and hours and i know i'm over here

talking about him like he's a baby but it's kind of like that like this dog when you get him in bed you he'll lay with you and turn the lights off, and he does not move other than to constantly stretch his legs and kick me to the point that I gradually start slipping, slipping, slipping to the point that my ass is hanging off the bed. Other than that, he's no problem. So he's a sweet boy, tons of energy. We're going to go get him some training. I think we're going to do that in the next couple of weeks. They do training at our daycare center that Luther used to go to. So we're going to try to give him a couple of basic things. Most notably, I don't want to open the door and have to worry that he runs out of the house and never comes back, which the people at

his foster said, that's really the only risk you have. He's, you know, flight risk for whatever reason. And maybe that's because that's what he's used to. Maybe that's how he lived his life. I still am fascinated by the idea that dogs like this are on the street. Now, I said this to Jelly yesterday, that I feel like Ross, as far as a dog that was on the street, his street life makes more sense to me like because he's kind of always like he's got this high energy and like he doesn't like he's not like he doesn't feel like a home dog at this point whereas luther always kind of felt like that it's also important to note that when we got luther he was 10 months old so i don't know what luther did in those 10 months i don't

know if he came from a breeder i don't know if someone just left a box of puppies on the side of the road and Luther saw all of his family members get splattered. I don't know if Luther, being as psychotic as he is, maybe pushed the box out into the road to see his family get splattered. I don't know what Luther's story is, but when I see the way Luther operated, I felt like there was no way that dog could live on the street I could never see him that way whereas this dog and maybe it's because of the look of him he's got kind of a scruffier look he's got more of a muddier look like Luther had this kind of suave quality about him and this judgmental look about him where you'd be like yeah there's no way this dog is digging through

the garbage trying to find himself something to eat whereas Ross over here Ross you look at him and you go oh yeah this dog is like clearly waited outside of like an Italian restaurant for some leftover bolognese you know like that's the kind of look this dog has about him and um yeah so I could never see Luther in that situation and I find myself trying to have the conversations as Luther. Like I used to be Luther. So I look, we were psychotic. I don't know how this came about, but we would talk as Luther and it just kind of happened that way. And it would always be like Luther's character was that of a snarky judgmental jerk. That's who Luther was. That was his character. I don't know why he became that. I

think it was just his overall attitude. He never had like a happy-go-lucky, let's-go-play attitude. He had an attitude of like, everyone is stupid. That was just kind of his vibe, right? So that's how that voice came about. It was just like, hey, you guys are stupid. Like, hey, I don't know, maybe we'll go to the mall, whatever. I don't don't even care like I don't know why that came up but that was his vibe and that was his voice so I find myself doing that voice for Ross and it just doesn't play because Ross isn't really like that like if Ross had another dog here right now they'd probably be cuddled up together best friends there's a video of Ross on his foster site's Facebook, and it's this other dog. Ross is laying there, and this other dog's just licking him, and Ross is like, this is nice.

I'll take this. You would never see a time where Luther would be laying down getting licked by another dog. Anytime we saw pictures of him cuddled up with other dogs, it was truly like we had seen a unicorn. We would see a picture posted on one of his daycares facebook pages or instagrams and we're like is that luther cuddled up on a bed with another dog like what am i witnessing here like what is this dog so like it was always so shocking that's why it was always so exciting when like luther looked like he was enjoying something because luther never looked like he enjoyed anything.

That was the fascinating part about Luther. He never seemed to be into what we were doing other than going to the bar. Then you'd get him to the bar and he would just lay there calm as shit. He was an amazing bar dog and that's just his vibe. That's who he was. So when you'd see a video of him looking like he was having fun and running, like I think one time we saw a video of him looking like he was having fun and running like i think one time we saw a video of him getting into some water at a daycare and we're like who is this guy like it gave you a warm feeling because luther like so like literally i've said literally so many times in this podcast today and i don't know why uh literally i'm like chris trager literally um but we like it felt that way with luther so often that he looked like he was enjoying so little that when something appeared to bring him great delight and great joy, it made me feel like we accomplished something. Whereas Ross just seems to enjoy everything. So it's like you'd like, how do I please this dog? He just seems to be fine on his own. He doesn't really, like, he likes to play.

He likes to wrestle. He likes to run. This dog is so fucking fast. Like, it is mind-blowing. Like, he's in this little backyard we have here, and I worry about him because he gets up to such high speeds that if he forgets that there's a sliding glass door, it'll be like one of those videos of, like, deer bursting through a window

at, like, a hardware store in South Dakota it's like this dog if he doesn't realize that that is a window right there he will run through it like it is fascinating but hey he's a good boy he's a sweet boy my sister turned me on to some sort of lint roller that doesn't require um the tape. So I've been using that. Works pretty good. Not used to a dog that sheds, but you know, hey, what are you going to do? He sheds a little.

Really not a lot. Like, dude, when I used to go to, when I used to work at 610 in Houston, John McClain would come up to the station, like on, I think it was Wednesdays and Fridays or Tuesdays and Fridays, whatever it was. And the man always wore black because he's a large man, so I guess he felt black was slimming. And he would come in and his black shirt was covered in cat hair.

And I thought, this is the most disgusting shit I have ever seen. Like, I don't want to be that person that walks in with cat hair the fat guy wearing all black because I think it's slimming covered in nasty animal hair well the good news is I don't think I'm becoming that person because old Ross here doesn't seem to shed uh that much mostly when he sleeps like he lays here in the bed and I can see it there's still some hair on the bed but other than that he's fine so he's just really high energy like he'll just get what the kids called the zoomies and then it's over like i i had to go outside and make sure there were no holes because like luther didn't give a shit about leaving the

yard like he walked out in the yard he's like i'm not leaving whatever there were a couple of little openings and some fences out here and i'm putting up tarps and shit to make sure that the fucking escape from Alcatraz over here doesn't decide to make a run for it and of course Jilly is like well why do you want to leave us Ross I'm like I don't think he wants to leave us I just think this motherfucker likes to run like I think I can make money off of this guy but anyway uh let's play some commercials and we will get into some other stuff. All right, if you're ready to win some real cash during the basketball playoffs, you got to check out Pick 6 from DraftKings. When it comes to basketball payouts, DraftKings Pick 6 posterizes the competition, including prize picks. It's a very simple concept. Hit all your picks and score higher minimum payouts on pick six, plus even

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Voidware prohibited. One per new customer. Bonus award. It is non-withdrawable pick six credits that expire in 14 days limited time offer see terms at pick six dot draft kings dot com slash promos before we get into some other stuff it is important though to realize about ross that like i do think i could make some money off of this dog not to be you know an evil conniving schemer in such a way but I do believe that I could make a couple of bucks off of this dog like dock diving you ever watch those dog agility videos or those those courses that the dogs are on

whenever like they'll run and like jump off a dock dock and the owner will throw a toy out into the water and they measure how far the dog can fly, I truly think this dog can fly. He's like a flying, it's fascinating to watch. Again, it's something I'm not used to because I'm like, that's not really what I'm used to in a dog. I'm not a, hey, my dog, if he goes to the dog park, is going to run for an hour, probably jump into water if there's water, probably swim in said water.

That's the kind of vibe I get from this dog. When I see him and the kind of energy he has and I see the speed, like our neighbor. It was an awkward situation because we were talking to our neighbor who we don't really talk to a ton. Nice guy, but we've just, you know, like, I don't know. I'm not a neighbor guy. You know this about me. I don't like to talk to the neighbors. I don't like talk to a ton. Nice guy, but we've just, you know, like, I don't know. I'm not a neighbor guy. You know this about me. I don't like to talk to the neighbors. I don't like to make small talk.

Like, when we first moved here, we went over to his house one night, and he had a nice fire, and he made us some drinks. He's a nice guy. Seems to be sort of, kind of, sort of hippie-like, because every time I go out to pour the cans into the recycling bin, and he's outside, he gives me a round of applause for it. So it's really fucking weird, and it's kind of annoying. And I'm like, all right, bro, you got a man bun.

You're a nice guy. I don't dislike you. But every time I pour cans into the dam or any sort of stuff into the recycling bin, I hear an applause. It's strange, but whatever. So we went over to the guy's house once or twice and had some drinks with him.

Nice guy. Hell of a nice guy. Nothing wrong with him. Nothing to worry about with him. Nice guy. Hell of a nice guy. Nothing wrong with him. Nothing to worry about with him. But I just don't like to talk to people. Like I'm not a talk to the neighbors. Neighbors come over. Let's have a barbecue together. Like I just like to be left alone. That's just kind of how I am. I'm a loner, Dottie, a rebel. Like that's how I am. For whatever reason, for better or worse, that's who I am. I just don't want to be bothered. Like, it's not even that I don't like you. I'll have like a two-minute conversation

at the fence with you, but I don't want to commit myself to two hours of sitting with you and having a conversation. Like, I don't have two-hour conversations with my family. Maybe it comes from my dad who has literally no interest in having a conversation with anyone

unless it's about him. But I don't even want to have a conversation about me. I just don't want to converse about anything. And then the worst is like when you get in situations with people and they realize you work for like a radio station and they want to talk to you about whatever. Like I appreciate it. I don't want to sound like a dick. Listeners are different. Like when I want to talk to listeners and I'm all for that, I will talk to listeners. I love talking to listeners. That's great. Now, sometimes they take the conversations way too damn long.

These people that listen to Casey would never shut the fuck up. And they would get into these long conversations. Like one guy, we did a remote. It was at the remote where the lady, the old lady showed me her tits and it was disgusting. And it felt dirty too

because she like pulled me behind a trailer and was like, look at this. Here's my titties. And she felt dirty, too, because she, like, pulled me behind a trailer and was like, look at this. Here's my titties. And she's like, now I want those Tom Petty cover band tickets. I'm like, I don't have any Tom Petty cover band tickets. And you've just violated me, you fucking old weirdo, you leathery, smoke-smelling weirdo. But at that same remote, a guy showed up with a nasty-looking, yellow ziplock bag and i'm like what the fuck is this he's wearing like you know a sleeveless shirt you know there's a look about some of these

old school burnout dudes that used to listen to kc 95 like sleeveless shirt like solid black shoes, um, scruffy facial hair. You know, some of them have longer hair. Like there's a look, there's a look about the old, old school people. And I'm sitting there drinking some beer. It was at a remote that we were doing for a, an RV place. So we're at the RV place and I'm sitting there and, um, guy comes up to me, big Ziploc bag, like freezer industrial strength Ziploc bag. I'm like, okay, whatever. Because people show me some dumb shit. Now, some people like made me cool shit. Like I'm not saying everybody that listened to KC95 was a weirdo.

I'm saying 99% of them were weirdos and they would all show up at these remotes. And some would give you nice cool stuff and have a nice conversation and tell you to fuck the haters and I've been listening since blah blah and I was all for that there were some guys that literally tried to fist fight me at a remote once like showed up told me to go fuck myself and they'd get kicked out of the venue because they wanted to fight and at that point I'd already gotten pissed off about them and I was like I fuck you motherfucker like I fucking Bill o'brien you suck too motherfucker but anyway so um this guy shows up big industrial strength freezer bag ziploc bag of shit and i'm like well what is this fuck guy sits down next to me i'm in like a folding chair out like under a canopy uh at this rv place this really nice RV. Guy comes over, opens up his Ziploc bag,

pulls out like a piece of paper of some sort. He knows, like, you know what this is? I'm like, no, what is it? Take a look at it. That's a ticket stub from when Jethro Tull played the Checker Dome in 1980 whatever. And I'm like, okay, cool. That's neat.

You think that's cool huh he was like yeah he's like I got ticket stubs from every concert I've ever attended I'm like well that's cool and I'm gonna show them to you right now and tell you stories about each and every one of them I'm like great this is lovely so I sat there with this guy and he would just keep pulling out ticket stubs they were all like yellow and stained now to degree, they're kind of cool because I'm a dude that likes old shit like that for whatever reason, but not when I'm sitting there trying to get hammered in an RV remote and meet other listeners. That's the other thing. As listeners of classic rock radio stations tended to fail to understand that other people are trying to talk to you as well.

So they basically lasso you in and then keep you cornered so no one else can talk to you. Like, listen, I'll hold on. I'll let you go. I just got a couple more things I want to say. And all they want to tell you is how many concerts they've been to and how they listen to the radio station and the people they used to enjoy listening to on the radio station. But I digress. I don't know how the fuck I got down that wormhole. Oh, it started with how I don't like to talk to people. All right. So other than my listeners,

of course, which we've talked about, like if you get me, you guys, some of you went to the farewell party in Houston. I love talking to the people that are hardcore people of the show. But like the him hawing around and shit, I'm just not here for it. And I really, like, I'm not looking to make friends with the neighbors. I sound like a dick. I get, I sound like a dick, but get I sound like a dick. But we're outside yesterday, and Ross discovers the dog next door. Starts running around like a madman. I'm talking fly, and I'm like, oh, shit.

Like, if he got a big enough head of steam, I think he could jump over a fence. Like, he's a gazelle. It's fascinating. So the neighbor, you know, he who applauds when I recycle and you know starts every conversation with hey neighbor hey neighbor I don't know if I've talked about this guy but every conversation hey neighbor like I try to be quiet when I'm outside cooking because I don't want anybody to notice me and again he's not a bad guy it's not really a him problem it's a me problem I just don't want to fucking talk that's just how I operate so if i'm outside i try to sneak around because i make a loud enough noise i'll hear hey neighbor hey i'm like god damn it don't hey neighbor me

but anyway hey neighbor walks over he's talking to jelly he's like oh you got a new dog like yeah that's ross and we haven't talked to this guy in so long that he didn't realize that luther died and he goes where's luther i'm like ah ah, shit. Well, you know, Luther died. And I could have sworn I saw him running around here. No, no, you didn't. He's been dead for over five months now, which is wild to think. But he's been dead for five months, friends. So yeah, he's dead. Oh, well, that's a shame. Yeah, it is a shame. But at least we recycle oh well that's a shame like yeah it is a shame but at least we recycle so that's good so you can give me more applause for that but all that said i don't know how i got down this path my intention when i started 20 minutes ago was not to go down a path of discussing dogs again

because i'm sure some of you are sick of that but i also like to give you guys options you know some of you tune into the pod and you're like i want to hear some hot sports takes well here you go some of you just want to hear life takes well here you go some of you tune into the pod and you're like, I want to hear some hot sports takes. Well, here you go. Some of you just want to hear life takes. Well, here you go. Some of you want to hear them all. Well, that's why I put two or three of these up a day. That's why I'm here for you because I care about you and I try to provide you with entertaining content. And all you got to do for me is spread the word.

I also have a phone conversation with a radio thing today. I'm not going to give you any details on it. But I do have a phone call with someone who runs a radio station or a cluster of radio stations. So maybe that will turn into something good. All I know is I'm very just disenchanted with the whole damn process at this point.

And anyway, that's maybe something we can get into in another pod. But anyway, hope you enjoyed that one and we will get you some more coming up.