The Josh Innes Show - JIS and Wake Up: Cardinals Paranoia and Hocus Pocus

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

Good Morning Friends! I sit here today concerned that the Cardinals, after putting together such a lovely season, are going to get dumped by the Phillies this weekend. The petrified of the pitching matchups. The Cardinals haven't hit at all lately. This will be a soul crusher. My dad has already purchased tickets for Game 4 of the NLDS next weekend. This is pretty much the kiss of death. We are losing. Speaking of dad, he got a call from a random celeb asking about why Velma is gay. Apparently "Hocus Pocus" is going to lead to bad things for your kiddos. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the Josh Ennis Show. Howdy everybody and welcome in. Whoa, that's loud. Sorry. Welcome in, Josh Ennis Show. What's happening? Thursday, or whenever you're listening to this, thank you. Thanks for all the people who've been downloading and listening. Tell your friends, let them know.

Baseball playoffs starting tomorrow. I live in constant fear that the Phillies are going to beat the Cardinals and ruin my season for me. I got tickets to go to St. Louis next Saturday. And dad gum it, I don't want to see it all ruined because of the goddamn Phillies. And Jilly said it's going to happen and Jilly knows these things. Jilly's very smart. She says, you know that McDougal's going to ruin everything for you, right? You knew you didn't want to play McDoug know that McDougal's going to ruin everything for you, right? You knew you didn't want to play

McDougal because McDougal is going to ruin it. So dad, he bought tickets to sit in this all-in-co-well. Actually, dad paid for the tickets. I got the tickets. So here's how it worked, right? So dad next weekend is going to be in Columbia, Missouri at some Comic-Con.

I'd like to know what Comic-Con is in Columbia, Missouri. And also I'm I'd like to know what Comic Con is in Columbia, Missouri. And also, I'm starting to think my dad is the biggest star at these events. And if that's the case, I'm beginning to think that these Comic Cons must really suck. And maybe the Comic Con craze has jumped the shark. Because, Dad, is it Missouri Con? Is that what this thing is called? Dad's going to be at some Comic Con on, I think, the 14th of October.

I don't know where the hell. I think it's going to be that Friday. He's going to be at a Comic Con or something in Columbia. I have no idea what this thing is called. Fan Con? I don't know. But dad's going to be at one of these things. And based on the lineup that I see at most of the events my dad goes to where he's at the Comic-Con, I'd say eight and a half out of ten times, my dad is arguably the biggest draw out of everyone there,

which tells me that that Comic-Con is a really shitty Comic-Con. Let me see. Let me see if dad's – where's this damn thing going to be? Comic-Con, Columbia, Con. Let me see. Let me see if Dad's... Where's this damn thing going to be? Comic Con, Columbia, Missouri. Let's see. Roster Con? Is that what it's called?

Roster Con is a website dedicated to Comic Cons. All right, so Dad was in Louisiana. They don't even have it listed on here, on Dad's Roster Con page. I found out that my dad still has an agent yesterday. So I had no clue. I knew that dad had like a movie agent and stuff like that, but he evidently has a, a, an agent that books him at all these comic cons. I had no idea. But apparently he's going to be in Columbia for some event on, on that day. And then he's going to be in Columbia for some event on that day, and then he's going to drive over to St. Louis where his agent booked him another Comic-Con type of thing.

So that's what Dad's going to be doing. So he called me, and he goes, hey, Josh, are the Cardinals going to be in the playoffs on the 15th? And I said, I don't know. I don't know if they're still going to be in it. I don't know if they're going to be at home. I don't know what the situation's going to be at all. So I looked it up, and obviously you can see the schedule in advance. And I said, well, Dad, you're not going to believe this,

but if they beat the team in the first round and don't get swept in the second round, they will play a home game on that Saturday. And he says, well, get your ass in the car and drive over to St. Louis on that Saturday. I'll buy the tickets. I said, go look them up, see if you can find us any damn tickets. I said, all right, I'll look it up. So I go to the website and in St. Louis, they have this setup over the left field fence out in this area called Ballpark Village. And on the roof of this building, that's kind of like if you're in Philly, it's kind of like the live, what do they call that

area next to the Xfinity Live? It's kind of like that, except it's a little bit more extravagant and it's cooler. There's like a Cardinals Hall of Fame. It's kind of like that, except it's a little bit more extravagant and it's cooler. There's like a Cardinals Hall of Fame. It's kind of a really cool setup. You've got an outdoor area set up to watch games and on a big screen. It's a really cool setup. And it's pretty badass. Kind of like if you're in Texas, maybe you've been to the Rangers ballpark.

They kind of have a setup similar to that from what I've seen. But I said, Dad, here's what I can do. I can buy these tickets for $85 a piece, and we can sit on this Cardinals Nation rooftop and have all you can eat and drink. And that includes beer. It includes ballpark foods. It includes mid-level, mid-scale foods like briskets and stuff. And you can have it all damn game long and get hammered, and it's only $85 a ticket. And dad says, here, here's my credit card. Bang.

So I purchased four tickets. Me, Jilly, dad, and his buddy Tony, who's a Cardinals fan, are going to go to that game on Saturday the 15th if the Cardinals win this fucking series against the Phillies. And the way they're playing right now, I don't believe they are. Now, you could say, Josh, you can say, Josh, it doesn't really matter how you finish the season. They've known they're in the playoffs basically for a month. They've known they've won the division for officially like two weeks. And really, they've known even longer than that. So like cut them some slack. They're just kind of limping into the playoffs. I find myself concerned about the limping into the playoffs. I'm worried about this. And I just know. And you can say, Josh, there's no way

that the outcome of this series is going to be determined by the fact that Philadelphia hates you. You hate the Phillies and you don't want McDougal to have joy. There's no way the series is going to be determined by that. And I say, yes, it will. And you might say, Josh, well, that's a pretty arrogant thought to think that you have that much control over whether or not the Cardinals beat the Phillies. Well, I believe that. The sports gods are going to shit upon me this weekend. Like, I got a text from Adam Regner the other day, who used to produce the show in Philly,

and he says, I don't watch a lot of baseball, but do the Phillies have a chance to beat the Cardinals? I said, do they have a chance to beat the Cardinals? Fuck, they are going to beat the Cardinals. Anything can happen in a two out of three series, especially if Nola pitches like he did the other day. I'm fucked.

I am legitimately concerned. I sound now like Philly dude on the radio that's like, oh, sky is falling. I think my team is going to lose. And they couldn't pick a worse team to lose to because McDougal is going to bombard me with texts and DMs. And one of the things I've seen the last day or two on social media that is so – it's on point for Philly people. But it's the Cardinals ended the Chase Utley and Ryan Howard and J-Roll era in 2011. Now we're going to end the Yadier Molina, Pujols, and Wainwright.

Well, it's a little bit different. None of these guys are in their prime. They're at the end of their careers. They're literally retiring. Your guys just – one guy blew out an Achilles and ruined his entire career, and the other guys were still able to play. These guys are told you, it's like how I dreaded that game against the Eagles. And I told Matt that in the playoffs, Matt Moscona, my buddy. He's like, ain't no way Nick Foles is going to come into the Dome and beat the Saints. I said, bullshit. Watch him. And sure enough, they're up 14-0. I wanted to walk out of that damn stadium. Jilly made me stay because we drove all the way there. But I am truly concerned. The Cardinals offense hasn't been very good. The starting pitching's been iffy in certain spots. And my God, if the Cardinals offense hasn't been very good. The starting pitching's been iffy in

certain spots. And my God, if the Cardinals start Adam Wainwright in any game in this series, the manager should be fired. Josh, that's a hot take. No, it's reality. If they start Adam Wainwright and his noodle arm in any game, if his ass appears in any game that's not 15-0, if it's 15-0 in the eighth inning and they bring in Adam Wainwright to let him throw, good. Fine. It'd be hard to blow a 15-0 lead in the eighth inning. If he sees the mound in any other scenario, that is negligence. And the manager, Ali Marmol, should be fired. On the spot. Like the GM and the owner

should ride down in an elevator together, walk into the dugout, and say goodbye. You know like in Angels in the Outfield where that Ranch Wilder, the announcer, hates the team really? So every time they do something exciting, he turns off the mic and he's like, Oh, this fucking shitty team. I fucking hate these guys. What a bunch of fucking losers type of thing. Except it's a Disney movie, so he didn't say all those things. But he thought them and said, I can't believe we won. And then the manager in the cowboy hat or the owner in the cowboy hat walks in and says,

hey, ranch, you're fired. That's what needs to happen. Cardinals owner, Cardinals GM need to walk down there with security and say, the fact that you put Adam Wainwright on the mound in a key situation in a playoff game, considering he has admitted that his arm is dead and he can't throw, if you do that, you should be fired on the spot. And then you should be arrested and they should take you to the town square and put you in the Iron Maiden and behead you.

That's what should happen. But I sit here today and I'm overly concerned about this. Like I'm stressing this. I'm concerned. Like I can't enjoy it. Like Saturday should be an ideal scenario for your boy, right? Because I got LSU at 11 o'clock. They're like a pick-em

basically against Tennessee, who's a top 10 team in the country. Maybe the Tigers win at home and it's exciting. Then I get the Cardinals on Saturday night against the Phillies and I just know they're going to fucking lose and ruin my day and it has to be to McDougal. It has to be. It couldn't have been the Padres. I could live with that. It couldn't have been the damn Brewers. I could live with that. But it's McDougal. And I don't want McDougal to have joy. You know this. And it's weird because I love you guys.

And I love that you listen. And I appreciate you. I do. And there's a lot of you that are wonderful. I don't want you to turn off the pod because you think I hate you on a personal level. For the most part, I don't. I just want your fucking teams to lose. And I want you to be miserable. I don't. I just want your fucking teams to lose and I want you to be

miserable. I don't like anything about your sports or your sports media there and I just want failure for you. So I guess it is sort of personal for you because then I want you to be negative and want you to be just dreadful and just want you to be pessimistic and I want you to be awful and I just want you to feel terrible. But I just know deep down in places I don't talk about at parties, I know what's going to fucking happen. Pujols hit all these damn home runs in the regular season. He's going to be ghosted for these two games. MVP of the league, Paul Goldschmidt, who's been really mediocre the last month, he's not going to do a damn thing.

Arnauto's not going to do a damn thing. All these little guys that come up with big hits during the season are going to disappear. And the starting pitching, which was pretty good for most of the year, is going to get roughed up. And again, I swear, I swear, if they start Adam Wainwright in that goddamn game, if Adam Wainwright finds the mound at all, I will lose my shit. Doesn't it feel like the Astros, if we're looking at the bracket here, like, obviously we're on a crash course to have the Astros and the Yankees again. And I really hope the Astros beat the shit out of them because I'm so tired of hearing about Aaron Judge and his fake record. But like we're on a crash course for that. Could there be and I don't like to get into like the television matchups talk because that's what sports radio dopes like to do. And they don't realize that fans that are listening to the radio don't care about what's going to draw ratings on TV. They don't give a shit. But Cowherd did that for so long, and now all these sports media people love to do that. a Toronto Blue Jays fan? I have not. I've never actually met an individual.

Outside of a ball game, like I was in Detroit a couple months ago and they were playing Toronto, so there were a couple of Toronto people there. Fine. I've never been walking out and about in a random town and see a guy strike up a conversation. Oh yeah, what's going on? Yeah, man, you're a baseball guy? Yeah, who do you root for? Toronto.

I've never met a Toronto Blue Jays fan. And does anybody care about the guard Indians? They especially don't care after they changed their name from Indians to guardians. That's turned the Republicans off. The Republicans kind of liked them for a little bit because they kept rolling with the name Indians. Now they hate them because they caved and now they are the guard Indians. And the Mariners, holy shit. Like you really couldn't pick a better lineup of American League teams that no one cares about. Like you look around the National League and you got some pretty big brand names in there, right? The St. Louis Cardinals have a vast network and radio

network and fans across the country and the Dodgers and the Mets and the Braves were on W or were on TBS for all those years. And they've got a national following and the Phillies are in a big city. And like there's traditional big name franchise powerhouse type franchises that really pop in the baseball. But even the Astros, like the Astros are not a powerhouse franchise name. And I know they're in the American League, but they've been good for the last six years and they're the arch enemy of the entire league, and fans who never thought anything of the Astros before now fucking hate them.

So at least it's interesting in that angle. But the National League is just filled with teams that you go, neat, history, Dodgers, Mets, Braves, Cardinals, Phillies. The American League is literally the pips. Just nothing interesting about them. Cardinals, Phillies. The American League is literally the pips. Just nothing interesting about them. Again, as I've never met anyone who's a Blue Jays fan, also, outside of a ballpark, never met a Mariners fan.

I take that back. I'm wrong. Craig Gass, our Craig Gass, big-time fan of the Mariners. He's a Seattle sports guy. So I take that back. I give him credit. He is a diehard outside of that. I have no and Macklemore, but I've never met Macklemore. I have destroyed a bobblehead of Macklemore, but that's it. Outside of that, I've never met anyone who cares about the Mariners. So American league, it's just a dud. Basically here's the American league. Let's just, let's just get to the Astros and Yankees and let the drama happen.

Let's let Altuve get up there and bop a home run. Let's let Judge hit a walk-off. Let's get some drama, and that'll be great. Honestly, in the National League, anybody can win. When Adam asked me the other day, he said, hey, did the Phillies have a chance? Sure, why not? You know who the Cardinals are going to throw out there as starting pitchers more than likely?

Jordan Montgomery, Jose Quintana, and Miles Michaelis. They're all solid, but who knows what they're going to do in the postseason. You could win that series. You think Aaron Nolan, a one-game scenario, couldn't win a big game for you? Of course he could. Do you think the Braves couldn't gag one? Sure they could. The Mets prove they can gag. So the National League is a blasty blast. The American League is just like, oh Jesus. Like just, you know, like I'm not, I don't even feel compelled to watch those matchups. I just don't care. All right, if you're ready to win some real cash during the basketball playoffs,

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by demons if they watch hocus pocus 2. Now, I could argue you're a shitty parent letting your kids watch Hocus Pocus 2 because it just looks like a piece of shit. But that said, I find it hard to believe that you're going to get possessed by demons or the devil or you're going to be brainwashed by Hocus Pocus. But actually, you know what? Let me rewind. I do believe that Bette Midler wants to possess your children because she's a fucking psycho. So if you wanted to say, I'm not going to let my kids watch Hocus Pocus 2 because Bette Midler's a lunatic, I'd say, you know what? I approve. I'm okay with that. I can see your point there. Especially like this, like Bette Midler would hate this lady for a multitude of reasons that we're about to hear from. But Bette Midler would hate this woman because she's clearly not a wacko liberal like Bette Midler is. And she thinks that her movie is going to possess these

children. So there's that. But let's hear from this woman. Her name is Jamie Gooch. This is a news story. A worst case scenario is that you unleash hell on your kids and in your home. Jamie Gooch is a mother of three and the owner of Gooch Family Farms in Troy. I... Gooch Family Farms. Gooch is the best. Do you remember that, like the second to last season of Scrubs where there was that character, the Gooch, and she was dating Ted? What show was she on? She's part of that Garfunkel and Oates.

I think she's Garfunkel on Garfunkel and Oates, and she was the Gooch. Is it cool to have a name like Gooch, or do you want to change your name? I mean, it stands out. This is Gooch Family Farms. Love everything to do with house and home. I believe everything starts here. This time of year, fall harvest is heavily celebrated in their household. But Halloween is not.

Here at the Gooch Family Farm, we do not celebrate Halloween. It is the devil's time. Gooch. Tell me you're not chuckling a little bit when you hear the name Jamie Gooch. Gooch Family Farms. That's a fun name. Hi, my name's Terry Taint. It grieves me, the thought of exposing our kids to darkness. Gooch says there's a spiritual war being waged against homes in America,

and Hollywood is part of the problem, and right now, one film in particular. The whole movie is based on witches harvesting children for blood sacrifices. In a recent Facebook post... I was a little bit scared when I hit post because I was afraid of the reaction that I would get. I don't feel like you were afraid of the reaction you get there, Gooch, because I feel like the people who are your friends on Facebook, first of all, it's Facebook. So the people on Facebook are mostly wacky right-wing people like yourself. So that's who's on Facebook. If you would have put it on Twitter, I'd say the wacky liberal people would go after you. So these are like-minded individuals

for you. So they're probably like, you go, Gooch. Gooch advises moms against letting their kids watch Hocus Pocus 2. I believe whatever comes in our TV screens there are things attached to that. I've seen for myself the things that I've watched with my eyes or heard over a TV screen. I've watched these with my eyes and heard them over a TV screen. They become manifested in real life. Everybody thinks it's fake and innocent, but they could be casting any type of spell that they want to. Anything could be coming through that TV screen. You know what?

Gooch, I think I'm starting to buy this a little bit. They're showing like a really tight shot here on Bette Midler. And if you said, Josh, do you believe that Bette Midler is trying to brainwash the children of America? I'd say it's possible.

It's not impossible. Is it probable? Yes. If this were an injury report for a football game or a football team, right, you had to put, is the person doubtful, questionable, out, probable? I'd say it is probable that Bette Midler is trying to brainwash your children. She's a lunatic, like stone cold, libs of TikTok, crazy person, vagina hat, nasty woman, crazy person. So, I can buy it. To your home.

We have to steal their souls. She says most of the feedback has been positive, but she knows her opinion isn't for everyone, and that's okay. She says it's healthy to stir up conversations, just not cauldrons. You know, it's healthy to stir up a conversation about how I'm a lunatic who thinks that Disney is trying to brainwash my children. How do you feel? How do you respond to people who are going to say... Now, again, I want to be clear, though. When you talk about brainwashing kids, they certainly put messages in movies and reality, right?

You know, like whether it be changing the race of a character or making a character gay, like Velma. We're obviously sending a message if we make Velma... Okay, hold on. Let me... I'll tell you what to say about Velma. Hold on. So I was talking to my dad yesterday and he told me that a celebrity, I will not tell you who the celebrity is that called him. You know what circles he runs in and you know that it wasn't an A-lister or a B-lister or probably even a C-lister. So anybody from like, I'll go C minus down is where you find dad's friend group, right?

So he said, yeah, this blank celebrity called him. I'm not going to tell you who it was. The person called him out of the blue. Just called him. Not like he calls him all the time. Called him out of the blue. He picks up the phone. Yeah, hello.

He goes, hey, Scott, it's blank. Like, okay, cool. What's up? Man, what's this stuff about Velma being gay? Think about that. Like, again, it was a legit celeb, but I will tell you that it was not an A-lister. So dad was not getting calls from, like, George Clooney about this, although that'd be awesome. And it wasn't a B-lister, and it wasn't a C-plus or just C-lister. It was like C-minus, like flirting with, you know, it passed, but it was flirting with, you know,

like mediocrity. This person called my dad, picked up the phone and goes, yeah, hello? Hey, Scott, it's blank. Hey, Scott, it's Terry Taint. Oh, hey. What the hell is this stuff with? What's this shit with Velma being gay? But of course, they put messages in these shows. That's obvious. Totally. I get that.

I just don't think they're trying to possess your kids and harvest them. You're crazy. It's just a movie. It's all good fun. It has been and always has been. Then the post was not for you. The post was for people that have been on the fence on on the decisions they need to make for their family. While Gooch's opinion may not be the most fun, she says if putting it out there changes even one person's mind, it was worth it. I think at the end of the day, I want people to walk away with discernment.

If you're watching this, just start thinking. Start thinking for yourself and even overthink and consider all the options of what you're partaking in. Like I am. It's a stupid kids movie about witches. Like I think that's what I've gotten to. You know, I think after listening to your case here and listening to how you presented it there, Jamie Gooch, what I've decided here is that you're a fucking lunatic is what I have decided. And, hey, look, I respect your right to be a lunatic, and I'm glad you used your platform of Facebook to talk to other lunatics. Now I want to see this Facebook post. Hold on. Let me see if I can find the Facebook post. I'm going to Google this.

Jamie Gooch Facebook. Okay. Now let's see if I can find this actual post and read the comments. I just want to go to Jamie Gooch's Facebook. Okay. Let me look on the actual Facebook. Let me look on my phone. I want to read the actual comments that Jamie Gooch's Facebook. Okay, let me look on the actual Facebook. Let me look on my phone.

I want to read the actual comments that Jamie Gooch got. We know that she's a loon, but I want to see other people who are like, hey, Jamie, I agree with everything you're saying. Let's see. I didn't think of it that way, Jamie Gooch, until I saw it. All right. So then she posted something. You know what? In this picture, she's kind of hot, actually. Hello. Wait. Hello, Jamie Gooch. Let's see. I need to find people. That's someone just posting about Jamie Gooch. Oh, that's Jamie Gooch.

I want to view your profile. Did you make it private? Or do I have to follow you to see your post? Oh, Jamie. Is that you, Jamie Gooch? No, that might be a different Jamie Gooch. Nope, different Jamie Gooch, guys. Everything's okay. Not the same Jamie Gooch. Nope, different Jamie Gooch, guys. Everything's okay. Not the same Jamie Gooch.

I can't find her. Damn it, Jamie Gooch, do better. But anyway, Jamie Gooch believes that her kids are being possessed by demons because of Hocus Pocus. People are weird, man. Like, like again, everybody's weird in some way. And there are people that believe that, you know, Trump is Hitler and like, there are a bunch of dumb fucking people, right? Like there are dumb people everywhere, morons. But like the idea that like you're watching Hocus Pocus and you're like, something's afoot here. My kids are going to be harvested and they're going to be possessed by Satan. Like some people are really fucking dumb.

And speaking of people who are really dumb, I'm dumb. So the other day we were talking about how Bobby Wagner laid that guy out on the field because he was running around like, you know, with his shirt off and had the pink smoke and everything. And he laid him out. And people were like, that guy's going to sue. I said, no, he's not. I mean, you have no legs to stand on.

You were running on the field. You were trespassing. This guy laid you out because he probably felt like he was in danger. I was like, hey, no way. Oh, sure enough, he did. He sued him. He reached out about suing him. And he's going to press charges, I should say.

He wasn't suing him. He's going to press charges. So you know what, though? And we've talked about this before. I don't know that I even blame people for being litigious anymore because people win these lawsuits over dumb shit. Why not be litigious? And I'll just say, you know what? Screw it. It's worth a shot. What's the worst that can happen? I don't win anything? Fine. Find you a lawyer that's looking for some attention, and he'll say, hey, I'm not going to charge you anything unless we win.

Go out there. See if you can win $100,000, whatever the hell it is. Share some of it with the lawyer. You make some money. He makes a little bit of money. You're fine. Could be worth a shot. Just be litigious.

Get rich. Get yours. Now, later today, we are – I'm going to try to get Jilly on. I'm talking about – I'm efforting Jilly as if like I'm calling, I don't know, the president. We are efforting Donald Trump right now. I'm going to see how busy Jilly is today. We're going to try to knock out some sports betting stuff today, some weekend predictions and stuff. So we'll try to do that this afternoon from the old house. But anyway, I love you guys. Thanks for listening.

Continue to tell your friends. Let everybody know that you're enjoying the show, that you're subscribing. Send me some messages. All that. I love you. See you guys later.