The Josh Innes Show - JIS Classic: Jamal Anderson Masturbates In Public

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

This is from December of 2016 on Sports Talk 790. Jamal Anderson, former Falcons running back, was arrested for masturbating in a convenience store. This is a great show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We win and lose as a team. On Sports Talk 790. You know the greatest story of the day is Jamal Anderson masturbating in a convenience store? Uh huh. That's the best story of the day. And this quote that I'm about to read you is actually the best story of the day. And this quote that I'm about to read you is actually the best quote of the day.

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please contact connects Ontario when it's 66531 2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. But Jamal Anderson, this quote is fantastic. So here's how the story went. A clerk at a quick trip in Suwannee, Georgia called 911 at about 2 a.m. Wednesday to report a man exposed himself and then began masturbating inside the store. He was masturbating.

Suwannee police captain Shane Edmonston said, police identified the man as Anderson, who Edmonston described as being intoxicated. Anderson was not arrested since the clerk did not want to pursue charges. Then why call 911? If you don't want to pursue charges, let the guy finish, and then he will go. And based on what I know about masturbation, he'll probably fall asleep.

Probably. But this is the best quote of the day. This is from the cop. There was nothing out of the ordinary outside of him masturbating in the store. That's it. There was nothing! Let me tell you something. Now, this was just a normal day in Sawani, Georgia.

Like, everything's just kind of copacetic inside the convenience store. Just another day on the beat. Outside of him masturbating in the store. Now, I think that's a pretty big deal, is it not? I think so. Like, I don't think you just kind of walk in and, you know, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun, like, that doesn't happen all that often. No, I mean, that is the deal.

That is the absolute deal. Yeah. You know, if I were a player, though, if I played in the NFL, especially with all this head stuff and concussions and CTE, I would always fall back on the CTE and concussion excuse because all these people in the media will sympathize for it then. They'll be like, oh, the guy's got head issues and they knew that they were having head issues and they did nothing to solve it.

This is the league's fault. Uh-huh. If I were him, I would blame like Paul Tagliabue for it. I would too because it's like he's an old person now, right? If grandpa does that at the store, everybody's like, well, he's an old man. It's kind of cute. It's like, oh, grandpa old person now, right? If Grandpa does that at the store, everybody's like, well, he's an old man. It's kind of cute. It's like, oh, Grandpa. I agree with you.

So that's what should happen from here on out. If a guy gets caught, a former player, especially one who played in the 90s and the early 2000s, gets caught doing what he'd do in the store, I feel as though they should speak to the media almost immediately and say, listen, I believe I have CTE. And that would be the answer to everything. They'd go, aw, well that's sad. They'd give you the answer. They'd give the same reaction that the kid's mom gave him in the Dave's

Not Here call. They'd go, hey, you know what? I think he's got CTE, to which everybody would go collectively, aw, that's sad. Okay, feel free to masturbate in any convenience store in rural Georgia you want to. Go ahead. Oh, it's sad. Okay, feel free to masturbate in any convenience store in rural, Georgia. You want to go ahead? Oh, it's so sad when I was in high school I worked in McDonald's and apparently one day in the middle of a rush hour The fry girl turns around and one of the guys was standing at the handwashing sink taking care of business while he's staring at her ass That's just fun that's fun they fired him obviously as obviously. As you should. Yes. Well, I guess we know what the special sauce is. But I tell you what though, if I'm that girl, I'm a little

bit flattered. See, I've always wondered that. Okay, like hear me out here. Now, it's gonna be odd to have a guy standing there, but in doing that, but does it kind of come back to the same idea of sexual harassment in the workplace? This was back in the 80s. No one knew anything about that. Hear me out. So like when in the office, if an ugly guy says,

yeah, you have a great rack, it's like, oh, that's sexual harassment in the workplace. But if it's a good-looking guy, it's like, oh, he thinks I have a nice rack. Does that also hold true for masturbating in convenience stores? I would think so. Do you think she was flattered? Nobody asked her that question. Does that also hold true for masturbating in convenience stores? I would think so.

Do you think she was flattered? Nobody asked her that question. That's a celebrity. So you understand that is a guy that's played in the Super Bowl before. Yes. If a guy who played in the Super Bowl in the convenience store were masturbating to me and I were a gal, I'd be like, oh, that's nice. I feel pretty today.

Because if you work at a convenience store, you probably already don't feel all that pretty. You're wearing some schlubby polo shirt, and it's two in the morning. And a relatively good looking former football player waddles in, and he's taking care of business. You're thinking to yourself, oh, that kind of made my day. I feel nice.

You know what? I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. And I feel amazing, I would imagine. See, I think you have your answer because she didn't press charges Flattered she was totally flattered by it if she was a part if that were me that went in there and did that she'd be like But this guy he goes in and she's like I'm gonna go tell my friends. I bet she's got video of it. I bet she sent it to all her girlfriends. They go in there and she's like, she's like, hey, Daquilla, listen to what happened.

I don't know why her friend is named Daquilla, but I like the name. And I like Daquil. And if I have a kid, I'm gonna name her Daquilla. So she goes, hey, Daquilla, guess who is in here pumping it to me? I'm gonna go tell my friends. I like Daquill. And if I have a kid, I'm gonna name her Daquilla. So she goes, hey Daquilla, guess who is in here

pumping it to me girl? She goes, who is that? Girl, that's Jamal Anderson from the Dirty Birds. And he was rubbing it to me. To me. To me, not you girl. Oh, no, oh no you didn't. What if that's what happened? well we know she wasn't a

white girl if she were a white girl the cops would never ask if she wanted to press charges they would have pressed on themselves exactly all right 7 1 3 2 1 2 5 7 90 7 1 3 2 1 2 5 7 9 girl all you got was Fred McGriff rub it went to you I got Jamal Anderson he done went and came in and pleasure themselves. What did you get girl? Who's, who's pleasuring himself to you? Go. So just again, to put a bow on this, just blame CTE for everything. Yeah, absolutely. If I'm a former football player, like anybody, Greg, ND, if anything goes wrong, like if ND has like some failed business venture. Yeah. If like one of his Slumlord mansions goes under or something, he should just go, CTE.

Go to the bank with it. Be like, CTE. And you got to give him the risky business look. Like when he goes, looks like the University of Illinois. You got to put your sunglasses on. Looks like CTE. And if you do that. You're golden.

You talking about your number of concussions? I think I go to the doctor and get a like one of those life alert bracelets. It's just a CTE right on it. Either that or maybe I don't know, like concussions. I've had too many concussions. Uh huh. I'm eight concussions in and like, okay, it makes sense. And what's the threshold? If you go like, it's like two concussions acceptable to be masturbating in a convenience store or if like two concussions, you're like,

okay, he got a DUI. And then like four concussions is like, you know, hitting your kid with a cord, like you know, what's his name, did. Yeah, Adrian Peterson. And then like eight concussions is masturbate in the convenience store number. I think it's one of those deals with concussions

that you can't prove how many someone's had. So you're not gonna question them. Fair enough. All right, let's see here. Jerry, thank you for holding. What's up, buddy? Hi, how you guys doing today? Good, dude. I enjoy the show. Can't say that I'm a 0.2 percenter, but I'm working on it. So anyway, my question is, I watch the Rockets and stuff. I don't understand why any of these teams with all these threes that are being taken Why they don't rebound better. Nobody tries to rebound the three

Why it feels like a lot of people just try to get out in front get catch one and snowbird as it were But still people rebound hell if it seems like James Harden has a triple double every day and that's because he's getting rebounds I mean people are rebounding What I'm saying is when the Rockets shoot the three none of their guys stay. I mean the defensive team but why doesn't the offense try to catch a rebound? I don't get it. Well I don't know. I mean I'm sure they're getting them but. But the other thing is Brock Osweiler, I take the guy from Jacksonville., I'd take you for a quarterback. It wouldn't make any difference. Something's got to be better than Osweiler.

Yeah, Osweiler stinks. I agree with you. He's a near.2 percenter. He's one concussion away from being a.2 percenter. Yes. All right, 713-212-5790. We have people on hold that want to talk about Brock and Bortles. We can do that.

What is the strangest place you've masturbated? 713-212-5790. No, that's not a real topic. It's not? It's not a real topic. And also, we are going to do stoners on sports. Chauncey Billups says his teammates actually play better while high. Yeah. So we're going to get into that as well, because I don't believe that. And listen, I've never smoked pot, but I find it hard to believe that anybody

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