The Josh Innes Show - JIS Classic: Talking About Balls on 97.5

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

Here is some audio from the early days of the short lived Josh Innes Show on 97.5. In this clip. we find humor in a county official talking about balls. This leads to a discussion about lowbrow humor. This is from 5/18/2020 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

3.01. Welcome in to the Josh Ennis Show. Do you play tennis at all, Aaron? I do not. I don't blame you. It seems like a miserable time. Charlie, I think, plays a lot of tennis, from what I understand about Charlie. I think he does that and softball. And softball's fine. I haven't played softball in many moons. Like, I used to be a home run hitter, but in some softball leagues,

it's unpopular to be a home run hitter because they have a home run limit. In some places, like when we played, this was 10 years ago, but you couldn't have, like if you hit more than five home runs, it becomes an automatic out. So I was just going up there swinging for the fences every time, and I'd waste home runs on solo home runs and stuff like that. I bowl. I like to bowl is one of my things, and golf. But I don't play tennis. I know, at least I've heard that Charlie does, so maybe this applies to him. I don't know. I don't know what his situation is or how clean his balls are.

I really don't know. But this is a lady in, let me see, this is in, what, Long Island, Nassau County, Nassau County Executive Laura Curran. Let's see, she wanted to explain to people proper tennis etiquette in New York. Unless they're from the same household has to bring their own tennis balls so that you don't touch other people's tennis balls with your hands. You can kick their balls, but you can't touch them. I'm going to blush, sorry. Of course, if you're playing with someone in your household,

you can touch those tennis balls. To avoid confusion between whose balls are whose, you can use a marker, like a Sharpie, to mark out to put an X or put someone's initials in there. The last one. Hey, if you have any confusion about whose balls are whose balls, that sounds like the kind of problem that happens on like a shoot for Vivid Video or something from The Hub. Like, do you think they deal with those kind of issues? Like Jenna Jameson used to be out there with a sharpie and she's like, all right here.

Okay, that's okay. That's John. Okay, we're going to mark him down here. I'm going to, and like, is it kind of like golf to when you mark your balls? Is it sort of like marking golf balls where you have your own special mark? Like some people put like three dots. Some people write a number. Some people put the dot to the right of the number. Some people write like a circle. Everybody marks their balls in a different way. How do you mark your balls when you play tennis? And really what is going to happen when they start talking about bowling and where your fingers go?

Like, that's going to be even worse. Like, all right, ladies and gentlemen, we're bringing you back to the bowling alleys now. Let me tell you something about what holes you put your fingers in. If you've got the holes at home, if you've got holes at home, you can put your fingers in those holes. If you are in public, you cannot stick your fingers in public holes. Don't stick them in the community hole. Do not stick your fingers in the

community holes. Don't do that. We're talking about bowling now. I kind of respect the fact that she at least tried. That's an unenviable spot because you know what's going to happen, and inevitably you're going to slip up. It's like the dopey woman that licked her fingers when she said,

hey, don't touch your face or lick your fingers. She goes, all right, page two, like she's Paul Harvey over here, licks her finger, turns the page. It's ridiculous. But I feel bad in certain spots like that. That was a no-win spot for that woman. There was no winning there because inevitably you get the first couple and you're like i got this now tennis balls tennis

balls then you just gradually kind of speed up and lose that concentration and before you know it it's hey listen you got to mark your balls and that's play it play it for me again i want to hear like just listen to her because she really did put forth good effort early she really gave it a good uh a good try but then eventually she lost it unless they're from the same household has to bring their own tennis balls so that you don't touch other people's tennis balls with your hands you can kick their balls but you can't touch them i'm gonna blush sorry um of course if you're if you're playing with someone in your household but you can't touch them. I'm going to blush, sorry. Of course, if you're playing with someone in your household, you can touch those tennis balls.

Okay. To avoid confusion between whose balls are whose, you can use a marker, like a Sharpie, to mark out, to put an X, to put someone's initials on them. When are we going to learn that we're all just Neanderthals anyway? And we're all just, we all laugh at the same stuff. Like, we're all led to believe that women have a smarter sense of humor than men and smart people have this sense of humor. Like, hey, I watched The Life Aquatic with Steve Sisu.

I'm a real elite comedy snob. I watch current Bill Murray movies. Oh, you watch Kingpin? Oh, you're a real dope. What a troglodyte you are. You are a total dope. I watch St. Vincent and I understand comedy. At the end of the day, we all laugh at the same stuff. Farts are funny. That's a well, it is a fact. You can go back to Mel Brooks and everybody around the campfire and blazing saddles. Poop and farts are funny. That's never going to change.

And women find poop and farts funny. Small boys find poop and farts funny. Even the most scholarly of people. Like, who do we consider the most scholarly person here? Probably Charlie. I guarantee you Charlie laughs at poop and farts. Because everybody laughs at poop and farts because everybody laughs at poop and farts. And everybody loves like a good slip of the tongue when talking about balls.

Like, it's fantastic. It's like when, you know, it's like, listen to all the people laughing in that. They're all laughing in the background. Why are they laughing? Because we all have the same basic form of humor. What is that humor? Everybody tries so hard to be smarter than the next guy and get really brainy with the humor, right?

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I love Superbad. It's one of my favorite movies. I watched girls' Superbad called Booksmart. Unfunny, uninteresting, not a good movie. The director, Olivia Wilde, basically blamed men for it not being a success because men don't get women humor. Well, I bet you men and women like Superbad. And what did you get in Superbad? You had, you know, lady problem jokes in there on the pants. You get booze jokes. You get sex jokes. The guy drawing dongs. You got all that. People

laugh at that stuff. When are we going to learn that we're all the same? There's nobody worse than comedy snob guy, comedy snob guy. Like I envy my dad. My dad goes, and listen, I wasn't even a comedy snob in this one, but my dad goes, Josh, I saw a great movie. I go, dad, what was the movie? He goes, Josh, one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Daddy's home too. I go, daddy's home too. He goes, Josh, there's a scene, spoiler alert. There's a scene when like a snowblower gets caught in like some Christmas lights. Josh, it's out of control. My dad, that's a terrible movie, but I envy that. I envy that you can just sit there and watch a movie that's so stupid, and you're like, you know what? I enjoy it.

Tell me this. 713-780-3776. Well, we're just talking about, you know, things that are amusing, right? Like, there's nobody in the world that would not find balls funny. When people in a media press gathering talking about tennis balls, right? Like, there's no way that you don't find that funny. Tell me, like, give me something that you just find balls, right? Like, there's no way that you don't find that funny. Tell me, like, give me something that you just find hilarious, right? It could be farts.

It could be poops. It could be ball jokes. Or it could be a movie. Like, to me, the funniest movie. Dumb and Dumber is not smart humor. It's just fantastic. There are so many fantastic things in these movies. Not everything has to be smart.

Sometimes smart humor is great. I think that there's smart humor, at least in the early seasons of shows like Modern Family, one of my favorite shows ever. There's some smart humor. Curb Your Enthusiasm has some pretty deep, smart humor in it. What's wrong with just laughing at balls on occasion? I enjoy that. Those are things I enjoy. Can you play it for me one more time?

Play that for me one more time, and let's get the phones going. Or you can get on a text. 713-780-3776. Same number for both text and call. Tell me this. As people, don't we just laugh at this? Like, why can't we come together with humor? Stop judging people for their amusement by lowbrow humor.

This is like lowbrow, juvenile, the's at the front desk in its anatomy class, and you can't help but giggle because she's like, penis. And you're like, you laugh at it because it's just, it is funny. Play it for me one more time, Erin. Unless they're from the same household, has to bring their own tennis balls so that you don't touch other people's tennis balls with your hands. You can kick their balls, but you can't touch them. I'm going to blush, sorry. Of course, if you're playing with someone in your household,

you can touch those tennis balls. To avoid confusion between whose balls are whose you can use a marker like a sharpie to mark out to put an x to put someone's initials on them do you think that like maybe doctors have to do that sometimes in surgery like some guy's getting like he's getting snipped or something and they're like well there's multiple guys his face is covered who is it i don't know let me get out my pen. All right, yep. I'm going to put down two little circles. Yep, that's Steve Jones' balls. Like, who does – I just find this stuff to be fascinating. Like, I love laughing at these kind of things.

And I think the world enjoys laughing at these kind of things. People used to accuse me, like, one of the big criticisms I'll get is, well, this guy just has immature humor. And, like, if anybody ever calls your humor immature, that is a person you would never want to hang out with. Even if he's calling somebody else's humor immature, anybody who takes the time to tell you that you like immature things and that you're immature based on your humor, that person can kick rocks because that person is not worth your time. You want to be around people who laugh at farts and poops and bodily fluids and laugh at dudes humping pies. Like, you want to be around those kind of guys.

You want to be around a guy who's like, or a gal for this matter, who wants to watch little porkies, wants to watch little American pie. Not the kind of people that look back on those movies and go, let me tell you something. Can't hardly wait was problematic. Here's another thing if you if you are friends with someone who uses the word problematic dump that person that person is not a friend and they are someone who is completely lame uninteresting and not worth your time if you know someone who has ever referred to anything you like or you do or that anyone you know likes or does and has said that it is problematic abandon that person immediately you know likes or does and has said that it is problematic, abandon

that person immediately. You know what's more problematic than the fact that I was laughing at American Pie 2 or that I was laughing at something about Mary or that I was laughing at just one of the guys, which great lines in just one of the guys, one of the greatest lines in the history of comedy. Maybe my balls don't itch. All balls itch. All balls itch.

It's a fact. And that kind of goes to our tennis ball lady, too. Some of the best material. So if you know someone, if you are friends with someone, and that someone says that anything you like is problematic, kick rocks. Get them the hell out of there. They're a complete waste of your time. All right, let's see here. 713-780-3776. Vince, you're on the hell out of there. They're a complete waste of your time. All right, let's see here. 713-780-3776.

Vince, you're on the Josh Ennis Show. Go ahead, Vince. Hey, what's up, Josh? Hey, man. Just wanted to say what's up, man. Welcome. It's good to hear you back on the radio. Long-time listener.

Big fan of yours. I appreciate that, Vince. Thank you very much. Do you like anything that's considered problematic? What do you think is the funniest movie ever? Funniest movie ever? Probably Coming to America. Coming to America's great, but I could argue there are many problematic things. Like you've got a black man in Jew face in that movie.

Literally, he's wearing white makeup playing a Jew. That would be considered problematic. Me, I am of the belief that we sit around, we laugh our asses off and tell the problematic people to kick rocks, get them the hell out of here. Thank you, Vince. I appreciate you, buddy. I astonish people so much that they are at a loss for words.

I am a wizard of words, is what I am today.