The Josh Innes Show - JIS Classic: The First Time We Met Craig Gass

Episode Date: June 27, 2025

This is from Super Bowl Week in 2017. We were broadcasting live from Radio Row and Craig Gass kept coming up asking if we "Wanted To Get Weird". We had him on and became good buddies. His storie...s and impressions are epic. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:49 Day two, thanks to Gallery Furniture. Craig Gass has stopped by. You know, Craig Gass from A Little Bit of Everywhere, right? Yes, A Little Bit of Everywhere. So what's the latest, what's going on with you? The last two, well, I guess the last few years, I've been coming to Super Bowl, interviewing teams having fun with the players and thank God They have a good usually have a good sense of humor generally speaking yet the Patriots don't here's a did you try the Patriots last night?
Starting point is 00:02:16 I am about to put my video out of Brady I did a playful thing with him where I just said Tom listen my name is Craig Gass stand-up comedian this is my buddy Aaron this is my buddy Jason we all had a bet we all ranked each of us from including you most handsome to least handsome you're obviously number one but who do you think came number two number three number four and he was he was kind of sizing all of us up and he kind of played around with it and I asked him a bunch of silly questions like when you look in the mirror, does your reflection ever just give you a wink?
Starting point is 00:02:49 Because he's just, you know, he's a very dreamy guy. Yeah, he's a good looking dude. The thing is though, like, we have this stupid garbage can here, this Brock Oswild. Oh, that's your guy? That's him, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, we're all over the place. Are you wearing pants in that thing?
Starting point is 00:03:02 Yes. Okay. We got like the BBC and the Associated Press and Sports Center. Good for you. Listen, we're on a 5,000 watt AM station. So we have to do anything we can to get attention. You got to do porn.
Starting point is 00:03:13 You got to do something. Well, it's old school radio, right? Of course. I mean, you know about radio. I'm a radio guy. I've been doing radio for as long as I've been in comedy for 24 years. And so where have you worked?
Starting point is 00:03:21 Like, what have you done? I started with a guy named Bob Rivers, who's a big radio guy out of Seattle. He did the Twisted Tunes, which were song parodies that actually charted on the Billboard charts. And then from there, I went to Howard Stern, worked with Howard for years and moved up to. When were you with Stern?
Starting point is 00:03:37 I started doing voice. I started doing Celebrity Phoners, where I would call in as Sam Kinison calling in live from hell. So that's post like 91, 92. So you were there when Billy West was there as well? I don't know if Billy was with, I think Billy had just left. And I'm calling in as every time a guy we can all agree
Starting point is 00:03:57 is just a jerk dies, I would go on the air as Sam Kinison and go, hey guys, it's Sam Kinison, I'm down here now. I know you guys are worried about Jeffrey Dahmer, but don't worry, Jeff's already down here with us and he's already got his own cooking show. This guy's looking at my ass like it's our T-bone. Oh, oh!
Starting point is 00:04:15 Oh! Oh! Oh! People on Radio Ro by the way love him. I know, I love it. It's the hard part about doing this, it's like if you're loud at all, people are like, hey man, I'm doing a serious sports show in Des Moines here, man.
Starting point is 00:04:26 Yeah. But I love that because that was back like Golden Age of Stern where you still had Jackie on the show. Now, when Jackie left, did you have a shot to be on there? Right? Well, what happened is I started writing for the show in 98. And when I started writing for the show, I moved back to New York, which is where I'm originally from.
Starting point is 00:04:43 Yeah. I moved in with another comedian, Mitch Hedberg. Yeah. I moved in with another comedian Mitch Hedberg yeah I moved in with Mitch Mitch you talk about a guy that I mean there wasn't a lot of him yeah but what there is is probably the most watched stuff on YouTube to this day he continued to get famous after his death people continue to discover him and go in fact just this morning I was talking to a buddy of mine and mentioned Mitch passing away. And they said, Mitch Hedberg is dead?
Starting point is 00:05:07 It's been 12 years. And people are still discovering that he's gone. And so I moved in with Mitch, and I started writing for Howard. I started writing for Saturday Night Live. And when were you at SNL? I was writing for Weekend Update. I wrote for Colin Quinn.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Oh, really? And it has a lot more edge back then. Like, I watch SNL now. And here's what I don't like about SNL, right? And I'm not a comedian by any means, but I love comedy. Like I love- I'm a huge fan. I'm a huge fan of comedy. Yes, and of me of course too.
Starting point is 00:05:31 But my comedy and my style of comedy, my garbage can humor. No, but like now they do a lot of low hanging fruit, which is like, oh, we're going to do Black Jeopardy. I saw this one. Now Stern's doing Black Jeopardy and it's like real cutting edge. You watch Black Jeopardy on SN saw this one. Now, Stern's doing Black Jeopardy, and it's like real cutting edge. You watch Black Jeopardy on SNL.
Starting point is 00:05:47 It's like, make fun of goofy white guy for not knowing something for five minutes, then the bit's over. Nothing has edge. They sang to Sir with Love to an Obama picture two weeks ago. That is one of the weirdest moments. That will go down as one of the weirdest moments in the history of the show.
Starting point is 00:06:04 As a comedian, you should never not be funny, even if you're getting a lifetime achievement award. Maybe if you're about to die and it's your lifetime achievement award, maybe then you crack a little bit. But you should never. Richard Pryor was in a wheelchair with MS, and the guy's still doing material when he's being awarded for stuff.
Starting point is 00:06:21 But SNL, like I think. Oh, dude, George Carlin. I don't know if I can say this. I don't know how... George Carlin, when his wife passed away, George was really helpful to me. He was a mentor. He flew me out to LA a couple of times.
Starting point is 00:06:35 And his wife, I'd never heard a guy his age talk about his wife as much as he did. And I found out that his wife has passed. And I said, hey man, I just want to tell you, I didn't realize, I didn't know what happened to Brenda. I saw you earlier today and I didn't know that Brenda had passed. I just found out that his wife has passed and I said, hey man, I just want to tell you, I didn't realize, I didn't know what happened to Brenda. I saw you earlier today and I didn't know that Brenda had passed. I just found out. And he said, yeah, you know, it's one of those things, man.
Starting point is 00:06:52 But listen, I gotta go. Why don't you give me a call later? That's, jeez. I mean, all... The Battle of Ontario is on, and FanDuel's your home for live betting the series, with features like live SGPs, build parlay any game any period or stack multiple matchups onto one slip with same game parlay plus what's better than playoff hockey overtime playoff hockey get more from the game with live overtime markets download FanDuel today
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Starting point is 00:08:24 Visit Specsavers.ca, the sun won't wait. Visit specksavers.ca for details. Conditions apply. You know, and, but yes, I, I agree. But, and I'm a, I'm a huge comedy fan and, uh... I don't like the way comedy is now. Like, maybe it's because as generations go, comedy just changes. Of course. But, and I'm only 30, but I like Prior. Like to me, Prior's the best they're ever wearing. Prior is the gold standard.
Starting point is 00:08:45 Pryor and George. Yes, I agree. What is the best Pryor stand up? Is it Sunset Strip or is it Live in Concert? I think it's, well, Live on the Sunset Strip. Is Live in Concert the one where he picks his nose and eats his boogers? I think so.
Starting point is 00:08:58 It's the one where you're talking about white guys fighting, like, back her head. Oh, that's Live on the Sunset Strip. No, no, that's Live in Concert that's live on Sunset Strip. No, no, no, that's live in concert. Live on the Sunset Strip is talking about breaking up with your woman and the match with the, hey, this is Richard Pryor running down the street. Ooh, you know what, I can't, off the top of my head, differentiate between the two sets, but yes, he's a genius. Bill Hicks was a genius. Oh, Bill. Like, you couldn't, like, Bill Hicks, and that's another thing, 20 years after he's dead. It's still one of those things, you watch it and it's cutting and it's biting and it works.
Starting point is 00:09:31 Not enough people do comedy like that anymore, or like, that's kind of equal opportunity shot taking. Now, everybody wants to be like, bang on this politician, whatever. It's not just bang on everybody, which to me is what's good. I just heard a crazy story that Carrot Top went to visit Bill Hicks. Bill was in Florida, asked for Bill Hicks to come to the show. He wanted to say hi to him.
Starting point is 00:09:55 Carrot Top had no idea that Bill was dying. So Carrot Top goes to the show, and he sees Bill, and he can tell immediately it's scary to look at Bill. He's clearly not well. And Bill says, I just wanted you to know that I wasn't, I really love you and I think you're really funny. And I just don't want you to think that I had any resentments against you.
Starting point is 00:10:16 And he apologized to him for making jokes about him. And was super sweet and said, I think what you do is really funny. He said that to Carrot Top? He said it to Carrot Top, which. Isn't that how most guys who come across as the jerk are? Like, he hates everything, right? He's Bill Hicks.
Starting point is 00:10:31 He rips Billy Ray Cyrus, and he's ripping all the. He rips institutions and blandness. Correct. Yeah. So, but a lot of those guys, when you meet them, are not like that when you meet them. I don't know if he was like that off mic or not, or if it was just because he was dying that he said this. But a lot of guys I learned are like that.
Starting point is 00:10:46 Like Stern, if you probably talked to him off air, like you probably have, I would imagine he's not sitting there doing burp and fart jokes for 24 hours. He's a big introvert. I know, exactly. Big introvert off the air. But the Stern show in 2001 fired Jackie Martling.
Starting point is 00:11:03 And when they fired Jackie, I got three messages on my voicemail that day. And the first two were from friends going, dude, they fired Jackie Martling. They're looking for new comedians. Boop. Hey, dude, did you hear about Howard Stern? They fired Jackie, and they want to get new guys to come in.
Starting point is 00:11:17 You should call them. Boop. Hey, Cracker, it's Gary Delabatte. Give me a call when you get this. I just want to give you a call. Just call me back when you get this. OK. Talk to you later, man. Just call me back when you get this. OK, I talked to you a little bit.
Starting point is 00:11:25 Bye. And I called up and I said, hey, Gary, it's Craig Gass. What's going on? He goes, hey, Craig, how are you? It's kind of Pacino-ish. It was the first time he'd ever asked me, how are you? I was just like, oh, I'm doing great. What's going on?
Starting point is 00:11:41 And he said, so you want to come in. We just want to have you in for like two days. Just kind of see how it goes. It'd be funny. I was like, all right, cool. So I came in for two days. And that two-day audition turned into two days a week, every week for the next 10 months.
Starting point is 00:11:56 And they started bringing in Chappelle and Schimmel and Gilbert Gottfried and Artie. And then at the end, they started narrowing it down to me and Artie and then they gave Artie the job and then I started getting a career from that and I started getting offered TV shows and King and Queen, Sex and the City and it kind of took off from there and then now the last few years I've been doing voiceover stuff with Family Guy, American Dad and that's the whole but on
Starting point is 00:12:17 the Stern Show I created really weird characters like you mentioned Al Pacino yeah we had this really dumb idea and nobody thought this was funny except for me and Howard, which was Al Pacino just had twins, and I said wouldn't it be funny if we could have one of the twins on the show? And you could regularly interview and go, so you're Al Pacino's baby, what do you like to do for fun? All right, what do I like to do for fun? I like to pee. You like to pee? I love to pee. My mother, Beverly D'Angelo, whenever she changes my diapers, I give her a quick squirt right in the face.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Ooh-ah! Ah! And she likes it because she's a whore. Yeah. That was terrible. That was terrible. So I started doing these really abstract impressions. Billy did a lot of that too, like the Marge Shot.
Starting point is 00:13:09 To me, that's some of the best starters, the Marge Shot stuff. Who's doing a Marge Shot impression? Who's doing a baby Pacino impression? Yeah, it was really weird. It was really out there. And I'm doing some similar stuff now with OPI Radio on SiriusX.
Starting point is 00:13:25 So how is that going? So there's Opie Radio and then Jimmy's doing the mornings, right? Jimmy's doing the mornings. And then Opie is doing... Opie's in the afternoons. Yes. And then they brought in Jason Ellis to do middays. So they're building that whole brand up as Faction Talk.
Starting point is 00:13:41 And it's fun. That sounds like our type of talk, Jim. We should get a job with OP Radio. Yeah, I... We can walk around in our garbage can all day. They love our material. I came over to tell you guys a story that is an epic story, but I don't know how long we can go on this break.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Give me, give me, hold on to it, okay? Okay, okay. Can you stick around for a second? Absolutely. All right, stick around. We will hear an epic story from Craig Gass when we come back, stay there. Craig Gass is here, of course.
Starting point is 00:14:05 And I do I get an introduction? Al Pacino's baby, I'm ready to party. Hoo-rah. That's the dumbest impression of all time. That's the thing is dumb is funny. You know, like. You know what? I just filmed a TV show about guys who do impressions.
Starting point is 00:14:25 Nick Harvey and Steve Carell. Oh, what was the name of the show? First Impressions. That's it, yes. And by the way, the reason why I'm here, I'm doing shows this weekend. I'm doing seven shows in Houston at the Joke Joint Comedy Showcase.
Starting point is 00:14:38 It's JokeJointComedyShowcase.com. It's out on the southeast side of town near Peerland. Peerland. Peerland. Yeah. And I didn't know there was a comedy club out there. Yeah, they've been, believe it or not, longer than the Laugh Stop was here. Yeah, and Laugh Stop was the Hicks place. Was the place. And Kinnison and all those guys. That was over off of West Gray, right? It was in River Oaks, right? I believe, they had two locations, I remember. Yeah, and I think the Laugh Stop eventually became like a Baker Street or something like that, I think. But yeah, like Kennison. And I mean, this was like the this is where Bill Hicks was from.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Absolutely. Bill and Dwight Slade and Kennison and Carla Boe made up the outlaws of comedy. It's awesome. And yeah. And this is what I'm about to tell you. Is this the epic story? Well, this isn't I'm going to tell you about Is this the epic story? Well, this isn't. I was going to tell you about the TV show I did with Dana Carvey. This has no integrity whatsoever.
Starting point is 00:15:28 This is a show about guys who do impressions. But they gave me a list of people who say, hey, man, is there any, can you learn some new impressions? And I started working on some new impressions. And I'd like to debut a couple of them for you right now. And just know that these impressions suck. Well, the hard part, because we've had, like I had a big fight with Frank Kelly Endo once.
Starting point is 00:15:47 Really? Well, it was at the end of his run on Fox. And he was on with us. And we didn't like each other for whatever reason. So I would rip him for not having new material. That's awesome. It's on the internet. He gave you the what for.
Starting point is 00:15:59 And we were going at it. So then eventually we've contacted each other, and everything's cool. I've had him on the show. And he actually thanked me. He said, well, after you ripped me, I started coming up with some new stuff, and then I got the job at ESPN.
Starting point is 00:16:11 Wow. And now he's doing like Gruden, and it's like all new. But we had a bad thing going for a while. So it is tough when you're doing impressions, because you don't want to be Rich Little who's doing Johnny Carson 25 years after he died. That's the hard part is it being an impression. Like I saw that Good Burger guy yesterday at the media day
Starting point is 00:16:28 and I was like, wow, that's, and what makes it weird is that Keenan took off and has such a great career now. Yeah, he's on SNL for like 10 years. And if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't feel as weird seeing the Kel guy. In his costume. In his costume. From Nickelodeon.
Starting point is 00:16:40 Yeah, that was weird. But so they gave me a list of celebrities, they said, hey, can you learn some new impressions? And the problem is when I start working on a voice, I get very sensitive to my friends being critical of it. And my friends will go, like, that doesn't sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger. And I'll go, well, dude, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger
Starting point is 00:16:57 after a bad car accident. Like, oh, I get it now. Yeah, that way I can get away with, ah, ah, ah, ah. I can get away with... Yaaay! Yaaay! Yaaay! I just make noises. Yaaay! Yaaay! It's not Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger after a bad car accident! Open up your ears, man!
Starting point is 00:17:15 So, with that in mind, I cannot do a Mark Wahlberg impression, but I can do something I call, out of breath, Mark Wahlberg. Out of breath Mark Wahlberg. This isn't Mark Wahlberg, this is out of breath Mark Wahlberg. Out of breath Mark Wahlberg. This isn't Mark Wahlberg, this is out of breath Mark Wahlberg. Out of breath Mark Wahlberg. Guys, are you serious? You've been sitting here all day. He's ready to do his comedy.
Starting point is 00:17:35 You're not even doing anything. Come on, feel it, feel it. Feel the vibration. Thank you very much. There we go. Out of breath Mark Wahlberg. There we go. That wasn't Mark Wahlberg, so don't set your.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Well, that's got gotta be a tough, because they bring you on there to do impressions. That's the whole point of the show, and you have to keep coming up with different stuff, or they're let down, or they're like, you're fired, we need impressions. And I enjoy that when I'm halfway there, to just kinda go, hey, why don't we just do this
Starting point is 00:17:55 and just say that it's actually a guy in a wheelchair. I can't even do it, brother. You gotta do that. Yeah, that's me and my brother Donnie. So anyways, but the story you wanted me to come over and tell. Epic story, okay. Epic story. You asked me, I didn't know,
Starting point is 00:18:07 how did you hear about me living with Eddie? Well, yeah, I really love Van Halen. Okay. And I saw the headline that you lived with Eddie Van Halen and I knew you were probably gonna come on with us this week so I didn't listen to the interview. I wanted to hear it from you, the story about you living with Eddie Van Halen.
Starting point is 00:18:21 Well, it started with a concert that I went to in Los Angeles. I had started working on TV shows in LA, so I started spending a lot of time in LA. I'm at this concert with a friend of mine who hates being revealed in this story, so I won't say who it is. Sammy Hagar.
Starting point is 00:18:38 No, no, no. It's not a musician. It's a guy who works in the music industry that everybody knows. And he's a behind the scenes guy. And he is introducing me to all these people backstage at this concert at the Universal Amphitheater. And then at one point he says, oh, dude,
Starting point is 00:18:53 I'm going to introduce you to this guy. This guy lives with one of the biggest rock stars on the planet, but don't tell him I told you that. And I went, all right. So we walk over and he goes, Maddie, hey, man, I don't know if you listen to Howard Stern, if you watch these TV shows. This is my friend Craig Gass, he's a stand-up comedian.
Starting point is 00:19:11 And this guy turns around and goes, oh, dude, I am your biggest fan. And I go, really? And he goes, dude, I've been listening to you. And he starts naming all these shows he went to to see me at. And I'm like, wow, that's cool. So we start talking and we make plans to go bowling a week later. And I call him the day that we're going bowling,
Starting point is 00:19:27 and I said, hey, man, so we're going to do 9 o'clock. Is that good for you? And he said, yes. Is it cool if I bring my buddy Ed with me? Because I've been telling him about you for a few years, and he was excited to hear that you're in town. And I said, yeah, I don't care. And he goes, all right.
Starting point is 00:19:40 Because he's got a kid. His kid's 13. And I go, dude, it's bowling. I don't know. Whatever, man. let's go bowling. So we go there. I go with my buddy Dave Lee, who is a guitar tech for a bunch of bands, and this other guy
Starting point is 00:19:50 who doesn't want to be named, and we wait, and then Matty shows up, and I said, hey, where's your buddy Ed? And he goes, oh, he's always late, he'll be here soon. We're waiting for a lane to open up. When I keep looking over the entrance and I go, oh my god, look who that is. Dude, look, three o'clock, tell me who that is.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Tell me who that is. And everyone looks over and this guy, Matty stands up and goes, Ed, come over here. And this guy walks over and he goes, hey, which one of you guys is a comedian? And I go, that's me. And he goes, hey man, I'm Eddie Van Halen. And I go, yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:20:23 And he goes, Wolfie, look, it's the guy. Come say hi. And I come to find out that Maddie is Eddie Van Halen's assistant. He lives on the property. Is it Matt Brock? Matt Brock. Look, you know everything about him.
Starting point is 00:20:38 Wow, he does. He does a deep cut. Yeah, he does. And Maddie lives in a guest house on the property. He runs the 5150 Studios. And Maddie is the in a guest house on the property. He runs the 5150 studios. And Matty is the biggest Howard Stern fan on the planet. So every morning he gets up to go to work in the studio early in the morning so he can listen to Howard for five hours
Starting point is 00:20:56 while he does what he has to do in the studio. So he starts going down the hill to tell Eddie, dude, there's this new guy in the Howard Stern show who does a Paul Stanley impression. Like, who does a Paul Stanley impression? And then like a week later, oh my god, the same guy does a Sam Kinnison impression. It's the craziest impression I've ever heard and he keeps telling him all these stories. In the bowling alley, Eddie is telling me my life story back to me and he's getting it a little bit wrong, but it's surreal because it's...
Starting point is 00:21:24 But it's your life story now though. Right, and one of the stories. And that's Eddie Van Halen. Yes, it's now your life story. But one of the stories he's telling me is about, I told a story on the air about how I've been broke my whole life. All I've ever wanted to own in my life is an illegal cable box.
Starting point is 00:21:37 That's all I've ever wanted. I want to have free cable. And I want to be able to buy one of those. I think it's like $300, and then it unscrambles everything. OK. And Eddie's talking to me, and he goes, dude, I heard you've been broke your whole life. He goes, dude, he goes, me too. And he goes, and he goes, crazy thing is, because I heard that, because I heard all you ever wanted was legal cable box. He goes,
Starting point is 00:21:58 you know, it's crazy. And he looked both ways and went, I got a legal cable box too. And I go, I said, really? And he goes, yeah. He goes, the thing is, I'm rich, but don't want to pay for cable. And I was like, are you serious? And he goes, yeah. And I was like, what? Like, it was one of the most surreal stories I'd ever heard.
Starting point is 00:22:22 And so what happens is over the course of the next year and a half, I would hang out with Maddie sometimes at the house or at the studio, which is on the same property as the house. And Eddie would show up from time to time. And then I got in a really bad relationship with a girl where everything went really south at a NAMM show. You know those big trade shows in LA?
Starting point is 00:22:44 I was at a NAMM show and something terrible happened. And I was at a party with her. I left for two minutes to go to the bathroom. When I came back, she was making out with some dude at the bar. And I just sat next to them and just waited for them to get done. And I was like, hey, so how's it going?
Starting point is 00:23:00 And I called Maddie and I was like, dude, you're not going to believe this, man. I'm freaking out, man. I just walked into this situation and I'm freaking out. And Matty goes, hold on, Eddie wants to talk to you. Eddie got on the phone and he goes, dude, I told you she's a skank. I go, I know. And he goes, and dude, you're living here.
Starting point is 00:23:18 Why are you living with her? And I go, this is the only person I know in Los Angeles. This is the only person I know to live with. This is the only place I've got. And he said, dude, pack up your stuff I know in Los Angeles. This is the only person I know to live with. This is the only place I've got." And he said, dude, pack up your stuff and move in with me. And I go, is that okay? And he goes, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:31 He goes, the only thing is don't tell anybody, but the band's getting back together. So, you know, it's going to be noisy at night. And I was like, so the only, and I said, so one of the things I got to worry about is the fact that Van Halen is going to be jamming in the next room. And he goes, well, I know you're working on your TV show.
Starting point is 00:23:50 Was that the Best of Both Worlds tour with Hagar? It was Sammy, it was an album where they put out a Best Of and two new tracks with Sammy Hagar. And I'm also filming a new TV show at the time called Las Vegas with James Kahn and Alec Baldwin. I love that show. It was actually a really good show. I liked it.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Alec Baldwin was my partner on the show. So all day long, I am telling jokes to Alec Baldwin and James Kahn. And then every night, I go home, knock on the door next door, because I can hear him playing in there. And I knock on the door and go, hey, Ed, I just got home. Do you mind if I listen for a little bit before I go to sleep and every night you go
Starting point is 00:24:25 dude I'm lonely come on and I'd walk in and listen to him play and it was a very surreal time and there what the question I always get asked is and and it happened I met a girl once at a Metallica show me and Maddie went to a Metallica show really cute girl she gave me her phone number. And afterwards I said, hey, if you want to hang out later, let me know. And she texted me at like midnight and said, do you want to hang out?
Starting point is 00:24:52 And I said, where do you want to go? And she said, where do you live? And she called me up and she said, do you mind if I come over? And I go, absolutely. Oh, wait a minute. I don't, ooh, I don't, I don't know if that's okay.
Starting point is 00:25:04 Let me check. And she goes, oh, you have a girlfriend. I go, no, no, no, I am single now. I'm no, I'm just, I'm in a, I'm in a, and I go, all right, cool. So, I go, hey, yeah, go ahead, get in the car and meet me at the bottom of the hill and I'll meet you down there at the Ralph's and then you'll have to leave your car at Ralph's
Starting point is 00:25:23 and I'll bring you up. And I pick her up and then we're driving up she's like so why do you have to get permission I go and I don't know how to say this to her I just go I'm in a weird living situation so we pull up the hill we go to the driveway there's two entrances there's two security entrances and I go through mine which is in the back and we pull up to the. I'm still not saying anything. I open the door for her. She walks in and goes Wow is your friend like the biggest Van Halen fan on the planet or what? And I was like, uh, and then I noticed that she started to look at this thing on the wall
Starting point is 00:25:58 She's like, how did he get this? It's a platinum. It's not a platinum. It's a it's from Warner Brothers Records It's the cover of all their albums. And it said, this is to commemorate 60 million records sold from Van Halen. And I said, do you hear the noise in the next room? That's Van Halen. This is Eddie Van Halen's house. And he's letting me crash here for a while until I get back on my feet.
Starting point is 00:26:27 And she went, oh, okay, okay. And to answer your question, it took three minutes. It took three minutes. Yeah, it was instantaneous. But the bad news is that a year later I got a text from the ex-girlfriend saying, I just want you to know that Maddie and I are very much in love. Oh, God. And to give her the benefit of the doubt, I just texted Maddie who?
Starting point is 00:27:03 And then she went on to say, listen, he feels terrible. I come to find out that that a whole time that I'm living at his house, every time I go on the road, Maddie and my ex were getting together. And, and then I'd come home and he'd be like, dude, you got to get over and it was crazy. It was a really funny Hollywood story. But because of that, I just didn't
Starting point is 00:27:30 know how to continue talking to Eddie. I was more disappointed in him because he was my friend than I was in her. And the last time I talked to Eddie, it was a couple of years later. I heard he was very healthy and he was doing really well. And I called up and said, he picked up the phone right away and he said, hello?
Starting point is 00:27:49 And I said, Ed, what's going on? He goes, who's this? And I go, it's Craig Gass. And he goes, hey man, what's going on? I go, what are you doing? He goes, sitting on the toilet, taking a dump, what are you doing? And I go, oh, you want me to call you back? He goes, no, what's going on?
Starting point is 00:27:58 And I go, I'll call you later, I'll just call you later. And I just hung up and I didn't say anything, I never called him back again. I just, I felt weird about it. I always feel weird having to call him back. I'm like, I'm going to call him back. I'm like, I'm going to call him back. I'm going to call him back. I'm going to call him back. I'm going to call him back. I'm going to call him back. I'm going to call you back? He goes, no, what's going on? And I go, I'll call you later. I'll just call you later. And I just hung up. And I didn't say anything.
Starting point is 00:28:06 I never called him back again. That's great. I felt weird about it. I always feel weird having people's numbers in my phone. I'll scroll through numbers and go, oh, wow, I forgot about that. Oh my god. I don't know what to say to that guy. The only person I've ever called, famous guy,
Starting point is 00:28:20 who gave me his phone number, for whatever reason, I had balls. The next day I just felt it. I think I had a couple of espresso shots, was Paul Stanley gave me his phone number, for whatever reason I had balls. The next day I just felt it. I think I had a couple of espresso shots. Was Paul Stanley gave me his phone number. And the very next day I called him up. He picked up the phone and he went, Hello. And I said, Hi Paul, this is Gene Simmons. From Kiss. And he went, Okay.
Starting point is 00:28:44 And I went, Listen Paul, we got some brand new products I want to sell you from Kiss. And he went, OK. And I went, listen, Paul, we got some brand new products I want to sell you from Kiss on my other come. And I tried to sell him crappy Kiss products. And then I finally revealed, hey, Paul, that's a good guess. That is the whole show, by the way. If you go to Joke Joint Comedy Showcase this weekend. That's awesome. I was going to say, that should be the show.
Starting point is 00:29:02 That's the show is me telling some really messed up stories, mostly football related, because I'm going to have a lot of NFL guys out there this weekend. A lot of media guys and players come out to my shows. I always perform in the Super Bowl City every year. And all the players and media people come out. And actually, I just got word today, there might be a couple surprises at some of the shows as well.
Starting point is 00:29:21 But jokejointcomedyshowcase.com is where all the info is. I'm doing seven shows. That's awesome, man. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and the following Monday. Go see Craig Gass this weekend. Good stuff, man. Great having you on, man. I can actually talk with you guys.
Starting point is 00:29:38 This is great. What a great format. This is the perfect setup. I know, right? Well, we've got to break now. All right, let's break. We've got to break now. And then we get out of here at like 6 of here like. For anyone who missed any part of
Starting point is 00:29:46 this performance this is Gene Simmons from KISS telling you that you can download any interview at this station for $49.95 at KISSonline.com. Go to the website click on my codpiece boom. Josh Hettichow stay there.

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