The Josh Innes Show - JIS: Josh's Weight Revealed, Deshaun Latest, Chivalry

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

Josh Innes and Jilly open the show discussing the formation of a Cup Snake at the Mets/Cubs game. It was quite the incredible accomplishment. Josh hops on the scale and finds out his actual weight. This leads to a rant about the Body Mass Index. Deshaun may sue the NFL if he's suspended for a year. Josh hates Deshaun, but it's pretty obvious it's the right move. Josh talks about slimy unions. Josh and Jilly don't remember if they have shared their story about being rear ended a few weeks ago....so they share the story. A guy in Connecticut has a questionable reaction to his act of chivalry not being acknowledged. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Howdy hi, everybody. Josh and Chili and Luther on this Monday. Glad you guys are with us. I have to weigh myself here in a second. I went to the gym today and today was this rant, like a day where they, they max out at nine rounds. So just the total number of reps you can do at these nine different stations. And I mean, I hadn't been there in a while and I picked a bad day to go back because it beat the shit out of me. And I am feeling pretty beat up today, mixed with the fact

that I woke up at 4.05 today. Then we went for a walk in the heat today. Not so much hot, but muggy. It was a... It's been a day. But glad you guys are with us today.

Got lots to get into. Home run derby tonight. Jilly says Albert Pujols plus like 2,400 right now. Get in on it. Why not, right? I mean, because what's the benefit really in betting on, like, I don't know, Pete Alonso to win? There's no value in that.

The value exists in taking a shot on the long shot. El Hombre, one last go-round, baby. Hitting bombs to the moon. I just want to see him beat Kyle Schwarber in the first round because I despise Kyle Schwarber. We get it, bro. Oh, you're fit. You used to be fat. But oh, I'm fit now.

I'm Kyle Schwarber. No, I see the fat guy under that facade, and I know he's there. Go ahead and go strike out 400 more times, you bastard. Kyle Schwarber, and I probably did this last podcast, but Kyle Schwarber embodies everything I hate about modern baseball. Walks, home runs, strikeouts. That's it. Like a 190 hitter, and all he does is bops home runs and strikes out. Whereas a man like Albert should be rewarded tonight

for hitting like 300 for his career and not striking out and taking tons of walks. That's what he should be rewarded tonight for hitting like 300 for his career and not striking out and taking tons of walks that's what he should be rewarded for tonight well i hope go albert i hope he at least beats him in the first round then for you do it for me albert i love you dog and to win my 83 on my whatever i put down that's all we need probably like 280 or something if i had to guess wasn't much all right so we got a lot to I've got to weigh myself here in a few minutes. But first, here's a great piece of audio. This is from the Mets-Cubs game last week. So it was a 6-0 game in the seventh,

and these guys in the outfield bleachers at Wrigley started putting together a cup snake. Love when people do that. So basically, it was just a giant, long group of cups. I mean, everybody was just stacking these cups, and they made a snake. It's a way better use of time at a baseball game than doing the wave. It's a way better use of time at a baseball game than watching a baseball game, honestly. So they made a whole thing, and this thing's going down the bleachers.

It's pretty badass so the mets television broadcast notices this they send their doofy reporter out uh to talk with the kid that is the the ring leader of the cup snake crew can you uh explain how the cup snake begins oh for sure stevie first off i want to say hi to my mom, Kelly Johnson, my family, James, Allie, Jim. Love you guys. Basically, the snake starts sixth, seventh inning. Everyone's got a few beverages in. Someone stands up and goes, give me your cups.

Give me your cups. You see a snake form up in the beginning. Everyone throws the cups. Now what? What is it, eighth inning? Seventh. Basically the eighth, Steve. Yeah. And it goes all the wayubs. Now what? What is it? Eighth inning? Seven. Basically the eighth, Steve. Yeah. And it goes all the way

up. It goes all the way up. That's on form. It's pretty simple. Basically the eighth, Steve, is quite possibly the funniest line ever. I mean, they picked a real winner to interview. Like, they picked the perfect kid. And he is. Like, he's a doof, but he's a funny doof. Basically the eighth, Steve. I

love that. Like, you were showing me this on Friday. We were in the drive-thru at Whataburger. Yep. And you're like, hey, watch this kid. And it's like, okay, whatever. He's just a bro. He made a cup snake. And then.

Basically the 8th, Steve. It's just the ways of Steve, too. Like if he just said basically the 8th, it'd be like, okay, but basically the 8th, Steve. Basically the 8th, Steve. Also at the end of it. He really took his moment and seized it, I feel like. Car'd be like, okay, but basically the 8th, Steve. Basically the 8th, Steve. Also at the end of it. He really took his moment and seized it, I feel like. Carpe diem, brother. He really made the most of that 20-second TV interview.

Carpe diem. And of course, at the end of it, it was great, too. It's subtle, and you can barely hear it at the end, but after he does all the explanation of making the cup snake, he just drops a... It's pretty simple. It's pretty simple. It's pretty simple. Like, it sounds like Chris Farley giving directions.

Like, in the first Wayne's World, when Chris Farley is like a security guard standing outside of the arena, and he's explaining how that limo belongs to Frank Sharp, head of Sharp Records, and they're going to take that limo, and he's going to go through Chicago on his way back

to Detroit pretty simple right pretty simple god this guy rules and now just because I know you have them and you're probably itching to use them yeah what if yeah Brock Osweiler was the one making the cup snake and what if the tv broadcast had asked him Brock, what's going on here? All right, let's see here. Why won't you play, confirm? Did you delete all of my stuff? No, they're all in a folder. Why did you move them? Because I used the desktop.

Oh, I can't play any of them. Oh, once you move the location, you can't? I guess. I don't know. All my audio's gone. That's stupid. Oh, once you move the location, you can't? I guess. I don't know. All my audio is gone. That's stupid. Oh, boo. It's all here. Boo. It's all here. Boo.

Jelly. I was going to play some... I don't know why it went away. I don't know. But yeah, I can't have all those sitting on the desktop. I use this for work. Oh, man. That's how I dragged them over into my thing. Well, hell. I have the cup snake guy and that's it. I was hoping for Brock Singh without going

into too many details. Oh, damn you! See? Damn you! I had that all planned out in my head. Oh no! Without going into too many details. Well, it sounded good in theory. Yes. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. I'm ecstatic.

Anytime you can win a football game in the National Football League, there's no better feeling. And then when you add it being a road game, when you add it being a divisional game that was extremely important to this team and the rest of our season, shoot, I couldn't be any happier right now. Guy's very happy about his cup snake. So now you know. But when the cup snake

falls apart. Very frustrating. You know, obviously my job as the quarterback of this team is to lead this offense to protect the football and to score points, score more points than the opposing team. And today we weren't able to do that. And like I said, I feel like we're very close to exploding as an offense. And I've been saying that it seems like all season long, but it's true. We are three, four plays away from changing multiple football games. And so because of that, I don't think we can get discouraged. You can't. There's no time to get discouraged.

Steve would have never gotten a word in if he interviewed Brock about that cup snake. That's what would have happened. So now we've got to find a new place to put that audio so it doesn't disappear well i put it all in a folder for you labeled just audio well i appreciate that but now none of it will play so what do you just have to look drag it from the folder onto the thing now i guess i don't know geez let me tell you something it's pretty simple it's pretty simple hey steve it's pretty simple basically anyway so uh glad you guys are uh enjoying the pod a lot of people have been giving pretty simple. It's pretty simple. Hey, Steve, it's pretty simple. Basically the eighth, Steve. Anyway, so glad you guys are enjoying the pod. A lot of people have been giving positive feedback. People are looking forward to the football season. The rebrand is in the works. We're not going to

tell you what the name is. We're not going to give you all those details yet. I think we're pretty positive about what it's going to be. We're going to see how it looks on a logo and how it pops and go from there. But we plan on in the early part of September, having the full on rebrand for the pod, which is good. I think that'll be helpful. It will make things better. People are really enjoying it. People are having fun, leaving lots of positive feedback and speaking of feedback that people are leaving. So I asked people on Facebook to guess my weight because I'm about to get on the scale because I need to lose some weight there was one guy too was like I used to do this professionally at a carnival you're like 280 I'm like and then you're a pretty shitty guesser because there is no way

you weren't 280 well battle did that today so on the uh on the show today he goes oh I think you're like 290 bullshit I'm 290 he was just trying to make you feel well no I know I just think he's dumb uh so he didn't know but I'm looking at some of these like Linda Bonifant says 420 that's now don't be a bitch Linda now that's just yeah now you're being I am not 420 pounds uh let's see uh Anthony Warden 326 Jorge Oliveira says, tree fitter. 280 pounds in regular, Josh. 40 pounds in cock muscle. Thank you, Cesar Barrero.

Michael Bush says, 285 or 335. Either going to be less than expected, or if you guess high, you'll be pleased with the lower number. 300 plus says Wendy Langston with like a teeth grinding emoji. John Ott, 335. Tommy Nairn says 343 to 347, depending on how much booze you intake over the weekend. Let's see. Eddie Lee says 289. Jesus Estrella, 315.

Ty Levesque, 296. Oh boy, I appreciate Fred Christopher Layer here, 269. If I weighed 269 pounds, I would run out in the street right now naked. Yeah, there's no chance. Bare-ass naked. There's no way that's happening. It's probably closer to 369. You know what?

I think that's, oh, no doubt, because I'm guessing somewhere in the 330s. That's my guess. I'm saying 333. All right. Russell Cossaboon Jr., 315. John Fitch, 316. CJ Gauldy, 299. Ken Denning Jr., 321. 298 from Chris Cerna. Let's see. Brandon Cooley says 333, parentheses, balls. One Biscuit Shy at 325, Barry Groening Sr. John Harris, our buddy, 331. Jason Higgins, a dick, 419.

I am not 419 pounds. Well, let's see. Get on the scale. I know. I got to go out into the other room. I don't have a microphone out in the other room, but I can't put it on carpet. All right, so I'm going to give this a shot. Do play-by-play here.

All right, I'm in my underpants. Is this scale calibrated and everything? I think so. everything so okay i'm gonna give it a shot here let me get my my phone so i can take a picture of the actual way to post all right let's see here i'm getting on the scale here we go moment of truth when's the last time you weighed yourself five six months let's say it's been a while. I didn't even know we had a scale, to be honest. Well, 336. 336. 336.

I wasn't far off with my 333. Here's why I don't feel too bad. Because it is 3.30 in the afternoon. We've already had lunch. I've had a lot of water. That's true. So I'm probably closer. And then I'm coming off of, you know, some beer drinking. So I'm probably more like three 31. You just step on it. Just step on it. I don't know. Just, I mean, I don't know. I think it's like my step on it. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I think it's like my settings or something. I don't know.

Step on the damn thing. How much do we think jelly weighs? Luther, let's go 134. That's accurate. And I know this from my visit to the gynecologist two weeks ago. So I was just making sure the scale was, you know, true to form. So that we were getting it accurate. What do chili weighs 140 luther she's like the me of petite ladies anyway so but but i can confirm as brock would say that the scale is accurate because i did just get

weighed like professionally like two weeks ago well now we know i was concerned that you weren't it wasn't going to be accurate. Well, you know, sometimes these scales are all over the place. And now it is very accurate. This is huge news for everybody involved. Isn't that right, Brock? Yes, that is confirmed. So 336.

Now, again, if I get on there in the morning, I bet it'll probably be 332, 331. Did anybody actually guess 336 on the nose? I'm sure somebody in those hundreds of comments did. Let's see. 330, 335. Hugh Santeri Jr. got 335. Didn't go over.

331, 333. But I don't think anybody actually said 336 on the nose. A lot of 330s, 335, 326. I do not see one that says three. Nope, I don't see. I mean, I'm scrolling down through all of them. 357, that's obviously not it. 335 then appears to be the winning bid.

Now, I have nothing to offer you except love and friendship. Pride. Pride. I mean, Hugh Santeri Jr. As of right now, unless I see another one on here that's different. I think Jay Sanders also had 335. John Kaukistan says morbidly obese. Yes, but that's because the fucking body mass index is a farce and you don't want to get

me going on the body mass index. It's bullshit. The body mass index wants everybody to be six foot tall, 125 pounds. The body mass index is bullshit. I'm sure we're all obese. I think Luther, like the doggy body mass index had him at obese too. Yes, it did. Yes, that is confirmed.

I guarantee if we looked at the body mass index right now for a lady. Yes, that is confirmed. Do you think you would fall in morbidly obese? No, because again, they told me I wasn't. Like they did my BMI. All right, let's see. I'm just curious Do you think you would fall in morbidly obese? No, because again, they told me I wasn't. Like, they did my BMI. All right, let's see here. I'm just curious to see where you would fall. BMI calculator for women.

How tall are you? 5'8". 5 feet, 8 inches, and you are 140? Yep. All right, here we go. Moment of truth for Jilly. Calculate. Your BMI is 21.

You're healthy? See? Oh, it's bullshit. bullshit you're fat that is such bullshit how am i the fucking fat one here you used to weigh like a buck 10 well that was like 12 years ago you weighed a buck 10 that now i'm sitting here and i'm mr fat pants over here that's morbidly obese i'm not even i'm obese i guarantee you my bmi is like 37. I used to be 25. Now I'm 38. So that happens. Bullshit.

This whole damn thing is bullshit. It's an outrage. Mine's going to be over 40 probably. Let me put that in there. 30 and above is obese. I'm healthy. That's bullshit. I think this thing is fixed. I think this is fixed.

All right, let's see here. I am six feet. Well, that's women's BMI. So you need to look up men's. No, it isn't. It's just normal. It's all BMI. Well, that one, the one link you just clicked said women's BMI. If you're over 20 and not pregnant, find out. Well, it says calculator men and women BMI. Okay. I forgot that men can be pregnant now. Yes, they can. My bad. Six foot three inches and I weigh, what, 336 now? Yep. All right, let's calculate this shit. My BMI is 42, 41.9.

There's a little arrow that says you, obese. 30 is the obese cutoff. Oh, but I'd like to know what weight I would have to be to be considered healthy. Well, I think right down there it tells you. Okay. 149 to 199. Bullshit. Fuck you.

I haven't weighed 199 pounds since i was in fucking fifth grade fuck that shit it's such bullshit it's bullshit if i were 199 pounds i would look sickly i would look like mr mackie i'd look like my head was an orange on a toothpick it'd be gross well again like with luther's bmi too same thing like he weighs i think at the time he was up to like 34 pounds yeah and like they wanted him to weigh 23 like dogs can't just lose 11 pounds no especially when it's a dog like ours who's just a monster so this is like he's muscular too i mean yeah he's kind of fat but he's he's got muscle so i'm looking at this right now so a healthy range for a bmi for a man is 18 and a half to 24.9.

Like overweight is like, I wonder what, how much would I have to wait to just fall into the overweight category? Probably like 250. There ain't no way my fat ass ever going to be 250. And honestly, I don't want to weigh 250. The least, like the lowest I've gotten since I moved to Houston the first time when I was doing quick weight loss, I got down to somewhere in the two fifties, like two sixties. When I met you, I was like two 60 ish. And I thought I looked fine, two 60 ish. But if I were two 60 ish, I think I would still fall into the obese category. Wouldn't I? I think, let me see. I'm going to try that again. So I'm going to like, let's just say I somehow weighed two, uh, two 60, which I don't, you know, think I ever will, but let's just say I did.

So let's go 260 pounds, which is a pretty solid weight. That would put me at 32.4 and I would still be obese. Like that's a very wide ranging thing about being obese. So you mean to tell me I could lose 80 pounds and it's not like I'm, you know, my 600 pound life. It's not like you have to airlift me out of the fucking house with a forklift and a helicopter or something. They had to airlift you off the floor of the gym today. Okay.

That's because I haven't been to the gym in a while and I was doing these crunches and my stomach started kind of contracting and I if I stood up my whole stomach would have like collapsed on itself and I would have been bent over into a knot so or balled up but this is bullshit I could lose 80 pounds I get if you're like 700 pounds and you lose 80 pounds you'd stay in the same category it's bullshit to be a person that weighs 336 pounds you could lose 80 pounds feel good look good everything else and feel very good about yourself yet somehow you're still fucking obese not even overweight I would be in the obese category for me just to get down into the overweight category I mean I'm still three spots off from that so just to get to the overweight

category if I had to guess let's here. I would probably have to be. You're not 16 feet tall. No, but if I were, I would have a 27-inch penis. So that would be something. All right, let's see. Six foot three. And let's say I got down to 235 pounds. Let's see.

That would have me barely into the overweight. You have to lose 100 pounds. I'd have to lose 106 pounds just to be considered overweight. And that's at the top of the scale in overweight. Because 29.9 for the BMI, that's overweight. This would have me at 29.3. The BMI is a farce, and so are doctors. So is everybody.

Honestly, God, you wonder why people have eating disorders. You type your shit into the BMI and you're like a you feel like shit. Well, except for you. You're healthy. That I'm healthy. You're healthy. I'm over here being a fat fucking lard and no matter what I do, I don't want to lose 100 pounds.

Well, see again, the thing with me and people say this to me all the time, like, oh, you're so skinny. How do you stay so skinny? No, you don't see my stomach. my stomach is where all the weight is it's pretty simple yep it's where she hides all of it yes that is confirmed all the beer is it is like you're flabby but like you're able to hide the flab so you're skinny fat i can't wear like a tight shirt if you used to you used to be able to rock. You wore like a size zero pants.

That's not true. I wore a three. Okay. There's a big difference though between being 25 and being 38. Oh, yeah. Basically eight, Steve. That's it. Yeah.

That's basically it. Yes, that is confirmed. So, hmm. Lisa and I were over here the other day trying to plan like a joint 40th birthday party life comes at you fast it does not too fast for me yet though I'm still a young whipper snapper who's almost 36 less than a month away I am almost 36 years of age my buddy Matt turned 40 this year Matt Moscona did I text him okay bro do you feel any you feel any different no like you wouldn't dick damn you Matt do you feel any different? No. Like, you wouldn't, dick. Damn you, Matt. You never feel any different about

anything, you monster. That's all you are is a monster. So anyway, so 336. No one guessed 336 on the nose, but multiple people guessed 335. So congratulations. I have no prizes for you. What's the latest with Deshaun Watson? So they're probably going to sue if he gets suspended for a year So they're probably going to sue if he gets suspended for a year. They're probably going to sue, which ultimately... He and the Players Association. Now they're saying, like, possibly we could get the results by the end of this week,

but it doesn't have to be. There's no set timetable. But isn't that the job of the Players Union to do that? Like, I wish my union in fucking Philadelphia would have done more for me than like, hey, we're not going to give you your full salary. We're just going to pay you two weeks. And the union went, all right, sounds good to us. Have a good one, everybody. We'll see you later. But you weren't being charged

with, you know, sexual assault and harassment. No! Which means that I shouldn't, that I, there shouldn't be any more reason why I should have gotten my damn money. I know, but I'm more so saying it just sounds ridiculous that this guy who has 30 massage chicks can just turn around and then sue the league

if they suspend him too long. And there was another guy today from the Rams who just got suspended six games for PEDs. You only hurt yourself with that one. Is semen on a woman's ass? Is that a performance enhancing drug? How does semen fall? There's a lot of protein in there. If they don't have the decision

before training camp, then Deshaun would just go to training camp and play as normal. Yeah. Well, and I bet you when they appeal, I would imagine

they'll be able to play during the appeal. That's how appeals work. Yeah, you would think, right? So, but again, like I was part of a union in Philadelphia and I remember,

like I've told you guys this before, but it applies here. So Rob Cherry, who was like the union steward at the station fucking hated my guts there. Like he would deliberately leave me off of their year end reviews. He put all this effort into, you know, playing all these old clips and shit from the year that was. And I had the number one radio show in Philadelphia and I wasn't even included on it. Like the guy was a cunt. Like most Philly media people are just a total cunt. So, um, um, he was the union guy. Never paid a lick of attention to me. Fucking hated me. Wanted me dead. He's a nobody. Well, the second I got fired, all of a sudden this guy becomes like my best buddy. Phone's ringing. Like, Hey, we're

going to get your money. Oh yeah. Fuck WIP. Okay, cool. So I get on the phone. It's me, my agent Spike, the union people, like the guy that runs the local CBS radio at the time. That's that guy's name. I forgot his damn name, but he was there and they were all there on the phone. All I remember is, well guys, you know, we're trying to get Josh's full, the remainder of his salary, the rest of the contract, which is I think like 60 grand, something like that. And the WIP people go, well, we're not going to pay that. We will give you two weeks. And they go, all right, well, that sounds like a plan to us. Good talk. That's literally how it went. I at least commend the NFL Players Association for doing what they're supposed to do. Like we could sit here and look at these guys like they're total scumbags and they

are, but like, that's their job. They're like, there's a lawyer that's there to defend people, no matter how guilty they look. Somebody had to defend the Manson family. Somebody had to defend Dahmer or, or, or Gacy, or in the case of, uh, in the case of, uh, uh, what's his name? Uh, the other one, uh, Bundy, the other one, Bundy. He defended himself at one point, but someone's got to defend these people. No matter how shitty they are, they have their day in court. And in this case, the Players Association hates the actual owners in the league.

They want to get the most they can for their players, so they're going to go out and they're going to defend. Do they look scummy? Sure. Do they give a fuck that they look scummy? No. Absolutely not. They're doing their job and their job is to defend the players and get as much out of the league as they can.

And most of the time the players get bent over by the league anyway, because this players union is really just bullshit and they do nothing for them except make them practice a little less and they're happy. Then they realize the league is bending them over financially and still making all the money and they're billionaires and the players are millionaires, but it is their job to defend these guys. As shady as that is, it's Rusty Harden's job to defend James Harden in a court of law. We are not James Harden, but rather Deshaun Watson. He's also, you know, boys with Harden too, but like that's his job. His job is to go out there and he, I guarantee he looks at

that evidence and he's like, fuck, this guy's a fucking monster. But it's not my job to pass judgment. It's my job to go out there and say rock and roll. It's my job to go out there and get it done. So someone's got to do it. Like, I hate Deshaun. I know we've talked about this a lot.

I really dislike him. I think he's a scumbag. I don't believe him at all. I think he's a narcissist. I think he is a lot. I really dislike him. I think he's a scumbag. I don't believe him at all. I think he's a narcissist. I think he is a monster. I think he's gross. And I know the way this thing works. I know a lot of it's based on race. So a lot of black dudes are going to say that they think he didn't do anything wrong and nothing in a court of law. And a lot of white folks are going to be just outraged. I get all that. I don't like the guy. He comes across as just an insane person, just a scary level of narcissist.

He truly thinks he's done nothing wrong. I truly believe him when he says, like, I don't think I did anything wrong. I know I didn't do anything wrong. Like, okay. I mean, he is a flat narcissist. So, anyway. Still never got to trade in that uh that jersey though you got me for christmas a couple years ago it was the worst christmas gift because it took him so long to

trade him the jersey exchange like expired what a shitty christmas gift i got you i know now you'll have to get me a davis mills red jersey that's what that's the do they even have davis mills jerseys they've got to sell someone's jersey. Who else would they have? Brandon Cooks. To me, that would be the only one you could sell. Well, and what's the one kid? Who? The kid they just drafted from LSU. He's a big deal. Oh, what's his name?

How am I drawing a blank on this? I know. I'm picturing him in my head. Hell, I don't even remember. But like um, but yes, I would imagine they have a Davis Mills jersey. Oh, that's going to drive me nuts now. Hell, I don't even remember. But yes, I would imagine they have a Davis Mills jersey. Oh, that's going to drive me nuts now. Yeah, I forgot who the hell they... Stingley.

Oh, that's it. Is it bad that I forgot that they drafted Stingley? You don't even know. That's terrible. I'm like, oh wow, they drafted Stingley? Cool. Yeah. I got to get my mind right.

I got to get locked back in. I'm excited. So we were in there watching some of the SEC Media Day shit. It's so boring and wasteful and nothing good usually comes out of it for the most part. I don't even think anything interesting happened. I know that Brian Kelly

talked. Not to cut you off, but when you go to Fanatics and you look at jerseys, the first one that comes up is, in fact, Derek Stingley Jr. And then after that, they're like, everything else is personalized. You're like, well, you can put your favorite player on a jersey or your own name. There is a Davis Mills jersey and Tavier Thomas. Okay. You can still get your Deshaun Watson jerseys.

They better be on sale. Well, the ones that are normally they better be on sale well the ones that are normally 120 are on sale for 47 yeah it still seems a bit much like do you really want a deshaun watson jersey that bad not you but i'm talking about in in theory that you'd spend like hey i want a jersey i want one so bad that i'll buy a deshaun watson jersey for 40 or i guess the fun part would be to buy that for as cheap as it gets and then do the whole put the tape over the back and, like, create a new name on the back.

Creeper. Yeah, hey, it's me, Creeper. Or, like, the last name will be, like, coming, and then the four, and then at the bottom of it, you could put massage therapist. I mean, this is a pretty good deal. You can buy a woman's J.J. Watt Texans, Nike red Jersey for $39.99. Oh, that's a fucking great deal. Cause JJ Watt's a legend. You can wear that thing forever. That's a steal. That is. Do they have your size? I don't

know. I mean, that's a huge get because I know that he doesn't play there now. I think you should just order that bitch right now. I think you should get that sum bitch right now. $40 for a JJ Watts special. That dude is the greatest Texan ever. And as far as we know, has not ejaculated on 40 some odd massage therapist. So he seems like a decent guy. It's normally a hundred dollars. You can get it for $39.99. Just the, I don't think it's that really soft one. Like the Dijon one. Let's see. No, it's not a good deal. Dude, that's a killer deal. I know. I mean, you might as well. I mean, you don't pass that kind of deal.

Or you can look on electronicbay.com and see what people have there, too. But that's a good get to start the season. I know. And it's red. I've wanted the red Texans jersey. I think that's a solid move on your part. I like that one. So I think you should get it because that'll last you forever.

Deshaun, obviously, no one's ever going to want to wear a Deshaun Watson jersey again. But where does Watt play now? Is he still with Arizona? I don't know if he'd gotten traded or quit or anything yet. So Watt still plays in Arizona. Yeah, he'll play there for two or three years or whatever it is, but that's not going to change the fact that he is Mr. Houston. He's Captain America.

He's Captain Texas. And he'll be there forever. And he puts in 50,000 people for a celebrity softball game. He's a god. The women's Deshaun Watson jersey is $48, but the JJ one is $39. I almost find it to be somewhat offensive that they even sell a women's Deshaun Watson jersey. It's kind of like, guys, read the room. This guy was air humping and jizzing on 40-something women who did not want it.

Is this the one that I liked? Is it the Nike Legends one? I think it's called, is it Legends? Yeah. They have that one for $32. Let me see that. In what? Yeah.

Jilly, I'm telling you right now. But it's only in small. I don't know if my fat stomach can fit in this small. I really think it's worth a shot. Well, what's that Camaro one I have? That's a medium, isn't it? I'm not sure. We'll have to try that online. Let me go look. All right, Jilly, this is big news. I can't miss this small. I really think it's worth a shot. Well, what's that Camaro one I have? That's a medium, isn't it? I'm not sure. We'll have to try that online. All right, Jilly's, this is big news. I can't miss this deal.

And if you're going to order something, order me something too. My birthday's coming up. I need new gear. And I don't know what fits. I'm wearing an old Texan shirt right now. I'm too damn fat, Luther. Can you believe this? I'm huge. Yes, that is confirmed. Thank you. So we'll see. So you've got the, and it's in that same

material wow thank god for finding this this is a miracle luther luther this is a miracle for your mom huge news huge let me see and that's also not that oh it is that kind of jersey i think that's a woman's jersey here Here, put that on. Let's see. All right, Jilly, you guys can't see this, obviously, but Jilly is giving a sensual fashion show right now. Yeah. You could have just taken your top off.

I'm the only one that will see. Luther, avert your eyes. Your mother's tits are about to be. See? I think that fits. Does that fit? This is a women's. I don't know. I think that's a women's. That would not be a...

Look at the way the shoulders and everything are. That is a women's jersey. That is not... Find me a man that would fit in that fucking jersey. It's a small... Okay. That'd be a very small man. On field. That's the legends one. I think you should get that. It's worth a shot. You could lose...

When I start losing weight, you start losing weight. Before you know it, you'll drop 10 pounds. $32. That's a deal. Hey, don't order it yet. I want to see what they got for me on there. Yep, that's the one. That's a good-looking jersey.

It's almost gone, so I have to order it quickly. All right, so anyway. Other stuff going on. So we got the Home Run Derby tonight. Your mom, Luther, she's trying to win a bunch of cash on Albert Pujols. He's the greatest. I'll be excited to watch him. Hopefully he beats Kyle Schwarber cause I hate Kyle Schwarber. Uh, also, so here's a story that I need to get your thoughts on jelly. It's an interesting one. It's a, what you might call a, um, a moral dilemma, a quandary as it were? But here's the story.

A 25-year-old man, his name was Joshua Murray, a man called Joshua Murray in Connecticut. 25-year-old guy named Joshua Murray was at a family dollar store near New Haven, Connecticut on Saturday when two women walked in. Joshua decided to hold the door for him because he's a nice man. He's chivalrous. He says, listen here, ladies, chivalry, not dead. So he holds the door like a man does. Well, the women did not thank him for holding the door because women have all this hubris about them now, and they're pretty much assholes. So if a man holds

the door for them, they feel like they don't have to say thank you. They're just entitled to have the door opened for them. Well, Joshua Murray, our friend here in New Haven, Connecticut at the Family Dollar, did not take too kindly to these women not thanking him for opening the door. So what did he do? He pulled a gun. He pointed at them, but did not fire any shots. No one was hurt. Cops tracked him down a half mile away. They arrested him for breach of peace and resisting arrest. He also didn't have a permit for the gun, so they tacked on a charge of carrying a pistol

without a permit, which is a felony. Let's see what this guy looks up. Wow, you know, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm surprised by this. That's a black guy. I would like, that sounded like kind of a white hillbilly crime almost. It did. It really did. Like, I'm really floored by this. This is a black guy

with like coolio, wacky, like dreads kind of popping out and stuff. Now, I've already, I did this story. I talked about this on my show today earlier. Yep. And I compared it to, like, I understand his rage. Yep. Because it's kind to, like, I understand his rage. Yep. Because it's kind of like when you let somebody over in traffic and then they don't give you the courtesy wave.

Yep. You just get really angry. Yep. At least I do. Yep. Now I don't chase them down and try to run them off the road or anything. No, but some people here do because Tennessee drivers are fucking insane. I think we're the fifth in this country for road rage in Tennessee.

I'm not shocked. All these, like, we dealt with it. Yeah. We could have dealt with it again when that little girl fucking shocked. All these, like, we dealt with it. Yeah. We could have dealt with it again when that little girl fucking rear-ended us, but we were cool about it. Oh, we didn't even talk about that. Yeah, did we talk about that on here?

I don't think we did. We might have done that on that drunk pod we did. Maybe. But yeah, the girl rear-ended us, and oh, here's what happened in that story. So we're sitting there at a red light, you know, and this girl just rams into us. This car rams into the back of us.

And she hit pretty hard. It made me jump. I hit my head. The fucking, all the visors were down. Luckily, Luther wasn't in the car because it was enough force where he could have went flying. But let me tell you the first thing that Jilly said after this girl hit us. She goes, see, if you would have been in the lane that was moving, this wouldn't have been a fucking problem. We wouldn't have got hit.

I'm like, we literally just got rear-ended by someone. I mean, who knows what could have happened. And you're bitching at me because I happened to be in a lane that was moving this wouldn't have been a fucking problem we wouldn't have got in i'm like we literally just got rear-ended by someone where i mean who knows what could happen and you're bitching at me because i happen to be in a lane that wasn't moving there on your phone yes but what that's not why i didn't get over yes it is no it wasn't there was an exit we had to turn right and like less than like 2.2 of a mile and you're still sitting in the left lane just because it was not moving because you had to send a text well here's the thing i'm i'm getting bitched at for like basically and we found out after we pulled off over into a bank that uh that this was like some little teenage girl and she was driving her dad's car and we felt bad she was really nice about it too she was very responsible which i appreciated so i felt bad and even though my trunk now probably doesn't work and the bumper may fall off i just couldn't do it

no and by the way if our car was nice then maybe we'd do the whole insurance thing our car is a piece of shit it's more costly for us to be involved with some insurance shit than just say whatever but as is usually the case somehow this girl rear-ending us became like some sort of statement about what i wasn't doing even though it's not like i rear-ended them because I was on my phone or something else. If it were my fault, fine. But this chick slammed into the back of us,

and the first thing Jilly said was, damn it, why weren't you in the other lane? Shouldn't have been there. It was ridiculous. Why weren't you in the first lane? Yes, that is confirmed. Why? But yes, that was a couple of weeks ago.

And she was a nice girl. After we left her, we saw her mom pull up. Mom was not happy. I get it. But I mean, our car is a piece of shit. I kind of wish I would have stayed there until her mom got there to be like, okay, it's fine. I promise.

It's cool. If you want to see our car, it's a piece of shit. I don't care. It really is, guys. Now, I didn't even notice to see what the damage was on their car either, so maybe that's why mom was pissed. She rammed into it

pretty hard. Now, back to the story about our fellow who pulled a gun on these ladies who didn't thank him for holding the door. I get the rage.

I'm on his side because as a man, there is that responsibility. When you're walking into the JCPenney or the Sears and Roebuck store and you're at the door, if a woman is even within like eye shot of you, you have to hold the door. Like if she's like even like you're at the door, she's just by like the last car in the row and she's about to cross the street to get to the sidewalk to get to the entrance. You have to stand there and hold it.

And if that woman doesn't tell you thank you, I understand his problem with that. And you know what? I think it was justified. I'm on his side. I don't know if the gun part was justified, but I get where he's angry. That'll teach these ladies. Here's the problem we're dealing with now, Jilly, and you know this because you're a woman.

Women are very cocksure now, and women think that they're invincible, and they think it's just understood that men are supposed to hold the door and men are supposed to do everything what have we talked about this whole door holding situation before women never hold the door for men and it's not just because it's chivalry it's just common oh i never see it i've never seen it i've seen a hundred of people okay good you've done it i'm talking about just jamoke ass women out there in the streets i don't think it's like a a gender thing i think people hold the door for people. I do. I think women, based on old school gender norms, feel like they're not responsible for holding the door for a man. No, but I just think people hold the door for other people.

I don't see women doing it. I do. I don't. And I see women. And when I see them, I'll tell you what I see. Bitches that don't hold the door. They probably don't hold the door for you because you take forever to walk somewhere that's that's not sometimes you're waddling and you're like okay tubby oh here's what I'll tell those bitches I'd say you get your ass in the

nine round and max out today and you you see if you're waddling heifer but still women have this understanding that they don't have like that men are supposed to do certain things and women are not and I blame title nine for the most part. And I blame this documentary about title nine and, uh, and I blame abortions and I blame all this women's power shit because women have this idea that they don't have to do nice things for men, but men are still supposed to do everything for them. Like it's my fucking fault. I'm born with a very small penis, arguably clitoris sized penis. And I'm somehow I'm supposed to do everything for women yet. No one's supposed to just hold the door for me. And by the way, I'm not even talking about holding it wide open to let me walk through.

I'm talking about walking behind some woman. She opens the door first and you're kind of walking in behind her. She could give you that courtesy nudge of the door with her foot or with her back hand there just to let her know, hey, or let me know, like, hey, bro, I got you. I respect you. I view it as a sign of disrespect. And if these women would have gotten plugged, honestly, I would have been on that guy's side.

I would have said, you know what? I'm on your side, Joshua. I feel you, dog, because bitches be out of control right now. And these women think they can just do anything because of all this bullshit in the world right now. And men are under attack. Yes, that is confirmed. Thank you. Do you want thexan shirt that says number one dad

i mean that'd be funny i guess but no well they have a good selection of 4xl well this is good are there any nike things or is it all just uh other stuff a lot of the fanatics brand okay which are usually i mean they're hit or miss okay but there's some cool ones like this one's got the state of texas on it, I like the state of Texas. It's a solid place that I enjoy very much. Oh, that is a kind of cool shirt. I'll have to look here in a little bit after the pod's over. There's no time. The shirt jersey's going to sell out, Josh.

I'm not missing this deal. That's a hell of a deal you're getting there. So I'm with you on that one. So you need to look. Also, one more story before we get out of here. But you can only look at Texan stuff because I might have already ordered you some birthday things. Oh, thanks. So you can't go looking at other.

This is Texans only. Does it come in obese size? Does it come in BMI 41.9 size? These are all 4XLs that I'm looking at. 57% of those surveyed think traditional office clothes will eventually be phased out. I think they pretty much already are. 23% think it's already happening. Well, I would fall into that category. 2,000 people were asked to name the most inappropriate things you can wear to work,

and the lists are different for men and women. So for men, gym clothes falls on the list. That's what you wear every day. Cycling gear. Who the fuck wears cycling you know some guy like like ride his bicycle to work and wear his lycra shorts into work and a helmet uh flip-flops you wear those too every day overalls no and crocs crocs are stupid casual claim they're the most comfortable shoes ever i cannot get behind the crocs casual t-shirts short shorts, and Christmas sweaters also made the list. For women, gym clothes also falls into that list. Any top that looks too much like a bra, crop tops, Crocs, and also flip flops. Hot pants also made the list.

Who the fuck is wearing hot pants? Is this 1978? It's like, hey, everybody, we're going to the roller rink to have a roller boogie. I got my hot pants on and up. Let's go. But here's the thing. And here's what I would tell anybody that would bitch at me for wearing gym clothes to work. I, at least as of today, went straight to the gym from work. That's number one. Number two, when I leave work, I'm usually leaving work before anybody else gets to work. Also, you don't have a typical job. Correct.

This story more so applies if you're working in an office and you're working in a respectable business atmosphere. Fine. But. Like that time when I wasn't doing radio and I worked for the nail place in Philly. Yep. I didn't know what to do. Well.

I was very confused. See, I don't like wearing fancy clothes and nice things. That's not how I operate. I put on my gym shorts and flip flops most days. I was very confused. See, I don't like wearing fancy clothes and nice things. That's not how I operate. I put on my gym shorts and flip flops most days. And I'll tell you this, when your asses get up at 4.05 in the morning and go to your job, you can wear whatever the fuck you want to. I've earned the right to dress like a slob because I get there before anybody else is there. There was a stretch when you first started your internship, quote unquote, at 97.5,

where you were like, I'm going to wear jeans every day and I'm going to look presentable. Well, I did that for a good bit. And if I were doing afternoons, I think I'd be different about it. And if we were in a building in which people were in the building, I might do it. But no one's there. It's me, battle, and all the fucking dudes doing construction. That's it.

And the air barely works. It's nasty. I'm not blaming you at all. But like if we were in a nicer building or I was there when other people were there, I wasn't just going straight to the gym, I'd throw on some jeans and something. That's fine. I mean, it's nice to look nice. Dude, I told you this. When I first got that job in Houston, dad took me to a fucking men's warehouse and loaded me up with a blazer, a sport coat, slacks, shoes, dress shirts, neckties, all that shit.

And said, Josh, you're going to look GQ your first day of work. My ass showed up there and everybody was wearing khaki shorts and polo shirts. And I'm up there dressed like I'm trying to sell Bibles or insurance to people door to door. And ever since that day, I've said, I ain't doing that shit. That's the perk about being in this profession. I don't have to dress all fancy. I have no one to impress and kiss my grits. But anyway, who do I need to tell them about?

Aqueduct Plumbing. Aqueduct Plumbing Company. That is Billy and his sister Mary. And of course, they are in the plumbing business. And you can call them. 281-488-6238. 281-488-6238. Repipes, leak detection, camera inspection, plumbing fixtures,

water heaters, tankless water heaters, water filters. They'll get you taken care of there. They are awesome. And they're the best in town. So why don't you reach out to them if you need any plumbing work done and they will get you squared away. 281-488-6238. 281-488-6238. Aqueductplumbingcompany.com. They are at your disposal. Go by and see them. I guess one more story. So last night we ordered pizza and normally we order pizza from Marco's because it's the best. Yeah. But for some reason the app wasn't working. It kept telling me me the store that our delivery store was was not delivering. It might have been because they had no one to work.

Could have been. But I don't have the Marcos app. I have the Domino's and Pizza Hut app. So I said, I'm ordering Domino's. So I ordered Domino's. And you follow the tracker on your phone like, oh, Billy is preparing your pizza. And it's in the oven.

Oh, it's done. Now it's being to the store. So I'm like, all right, whatever. I'm following it. But at one point it said complete and delivered and left a time. And I'm like, well, and then you still waited an hour to call. I was like, well, I don't know. I thought maybe that the app was wrong. The app's never wrong. Not the pizza tracker. So I waited about an hour and then I called cause I hate calling people. And I'm like, listen, we ordered this pizza and it didn't come. Well, did you guys check the porch? Like, yes, asshole. I checked the fucking porch. I marked on the thing, leave on the porch. Cause I don't want to talk to you

fucking people. So, uh, I look out there, I even looked on our back porch or a little thing out there, nothing there. So they say, all right, well, we'll send you two new ones. All right, fine. 30 minutes later. So we're about an hour and a half, hour and 40 into this whole process. They bring two new pizzas. I'm like, all right, two new pizzas. Very nice. Not as good as Marco's. No, but we had them 30 minutes into that. There's another knock on the door and I'm like, what the fuck? So I had to put a shirt on. I'm not going to answer the door. You know, shirtless, put a shirt on. I answered the door and there's a guy standing there while Jilly kind of looked out the window and she goes, I think they delivered two more pizzas. The guy had the pizza boxes in

his hand. So he's standing there with these pizzas in his hand. And I'm like, hello. He goes, I have your pizzas. And I'm fairly certain it's the guy from across the street, but I just don't know really anybody in the neighborhood that well. Cause you try not to look at everybody. Like every time we walk Luther, people say hi to us all the time and you just never say hi back that's not true i do i say hey how are you i do that all the time or you never you're never the first one to say hi like they'll look at you because you speak for us you're our representation so then like having two people say hi that's that's stupid one person speaks for the unit you speak for us but you walk with your head down so it's to never make eye contact with any of the neighbors. No, I walk with my head down

just because that's how I walk. You just don't want to have to say hello. Fine, Jelly, you caught me. I don't want to talk to the people in the neighborhood. Sue me. But I always say, hey, how are you? Like, I'm not a dick. But anyway, so I'm not sure. I mean, the little kid who's like three waved to you the other day and you ignored him. No, that

is not true. Yes, it is. That is not true. He waved. That is not true at all. Yes, that is confirmed. That is not true. Yes, it is. That is not true. He waved. That is not true at all. Yes, that is confirmed. That is not true. Yes. That is not. And I even said, I told you, I'm like, that kid just waved to you. I don't remember this.

And he's so cute. If I don't remember it, it didn't happen. But anyway, so the guy, I'm fairly certain he's the guy from across the street. And he hands me the pizzas. He goes, yeah, they left these pizzas on the porch. I was like, well, how long were they there? About an hour and a half. It's like, oh, cool. And I'm like, well, thanks, man. Appreciate it. And Jilly from the living room goes, hey, ask him if he wants

some of the pizza. Well, I mean, we had all this extra pizza. I was like, but then I did not thinking like, oh, by the way, this pizza has been out on his fucking porch for two hours. That pizza was done two hours ago was on his porch sitting outside for an hour and a half and i go hey bud you want to have some and he goes no and then walked away i'm like and then afterwards i go oh fuck i look like a total putz didn't i well i can't figure him out either i'm trying to figure out if he likes you or not because he used to be way more talkative when we first moved here this isn't the guy that told us about you know the suspicious activity that's brian yeah no he talks all the time but no this guy

like he used to be more talkative and him and his wife and now like they don't really talk to us much so i'm wondering if they found out that you're on the radio and they don't like you on the radio well first of all every redneck likes me on the radio for the most part i I am Mr. Redneck. That's why I couldn't get on the radio today and bitch about the fireworks that people are shooting off at five in the afternoon. Pointless, by the way, I can't do that because I'd run off 80% of my audience. They'd all be on there like, wait a minute, brother. You mean to tell me you got a problem with me shooting off my fireworks at five in the afternoon? What? Why don't you just go be one of them Hollywood pedophiles then? Ooh, not Hollywood pedophiles. That was a weird timing, but our mini Yahtzee championship belt is shipped. Speaking of championship belts. So somebody made

a suggestion. I don't know. He said he was listening to the podcast. I'm not sure if it was the podcast, like the personal podcast or the podcast of the Josh Ennis show on the radio, but he made the suggestion of doing a Josh Ennis suicide league, suicide pool. And if we were to do that on the, um, here on the pod, then what we could do is maybe get like a grand prize at the end of it with like a gift card somewhere. And then maybe a championship belt, cheap version, like you ordered for us. Okay, it wasn't cheap. It was $50. Okay, well most of those things are like $300-$400. This is also a mini

so it's not a full on belt. Okay. Well then maybe that's what we do. If someone gets to win the Josh Ennis show or what soon to be different named show, they get a championship belt for the suicide pool. Because a suicide pool to me is better than say fantasy football. I think a suicide pool to me is better than say like fantasy

football. Like, I think they're going to make me play fantasy football at the station as part of a deal with like draft Kings. And I was like, Jonathan, can you do my rosters for me? He's like, yeah, I like doing that shit. I'm like, I don't cause I'm not a child. I gamble and I have a problem, but I'm certainly not going to sit there and spend my time building the goddamn fantasy roster. So I just don't like fantasy football. So he's like, well, we might do a league. Like, great. Do a league. Do the shit for me, kid. But if we do a suicide pool, that's simple. It's just like, oh, hey, by the way, pick whatever team you think is going to win this week. And if you don't, you're out. I'm shocked you can still call it that.

Most people don't. I think they call it like a knockout pool or something, but I'll say suicide. I think if you put suicide on a belt, they'd be like, no, we can't make this. Well, we'll put knockout on that. Whatever. I don't care. We'll come up with a clever name. But yeah, I think that we could probably do that. That would be fun. It would be interactive for the kiddos.

We still need to get our big whiteboard in here, too. For our bets? Yeah. We'll work on that, too. Wish we had one now. We could start your weight loss on there. Well, just remember, $3. remember 336 now let's see how much do you think i could lose this week because i'm trying to eat like now i now full disclosure i did make a dozen cupcakes on friday you did full disclosure still have like five of them left yep and you're not gonna waste them full disclosure ain't no fucking way I'm wasting them. But it's all about moderation.

So I'm thinking, and it's also becoming tougher to drink water since they took our fucking water away at the radio station. But anyway, I can drop five or six pounds this week. I can get down. Because keep in mind, I probably actually weigh like 332, not 336. Also, I think you've got to stop having second dinner and ice cream runs every night. That might help.

That's a good point, Julie. It's a strong point. Because you're like, yeah, we're going to eat better and we grill something. And it's like we're going to do steaks tonight, right? Little mashed potatoes and steak. But then what will happen is an hour later, you're like, all right, let's go get ice cream. And then you get nuggets and ice cream. And then you get fries and nuggets and ice cream.

That's called a meal, Julie. And before you know it, you've had two dinners. That's called the dinner time bang bang. Yeah. So it defeats the purpose of the lean, healthier meal. All right. Well, 336. I'll be under 330 by the end of this week.

And I'm going to the gym every day. The key is also at lunch. Like tomorrow, we're going to lunch. I got to eat better at lunch. So today, I had like a salad from a burrito bowl technically but it's basically a salad from Chipotle. Yeah and yours aren't really very bad. There's nothing in them. It's lettuce, rice and beans and pork. Yeah you don't get the cheese and the sour cream and stuff. So I'll be under 330 by the end of this week. You watch.

Anyway alright we're getting out of here guys. We love you. We'll see you later.