The Josh Innes Show - JIS: Texans Settle, Tall Mans Penis, Twitter Anniversary

Episode Date: July 15, 2022

Josh Innes and Jilly open the show discussing the Texans settling with Deshaun's accusers. Josh likes it. The team clearly wants to move on. Josh wants people to hold Deshaun responsible and stop blaming others for his creepy ways. The worlds tallest man died on this day in 1940. Josh read a story that claims this mans penis was 12 inches. Josh thinks that seems too small. Richie Incognito retired from the NFL. Josh had no clue he still played. The gang revisits the great Incognito/Martin bullying scandal by playing some old 610 bits. It was this day in 2006 that Twitter was released to the public. Josh thinks this is the worst thing that's happened to society. Why does non alcoholic beer cost more than regular beer? Jilly has made a bet on the homerun derby. The gang looks at some NFL futures bets. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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she's pretty much the inspiration for at least half of the stories on there. Not half. More than half then. More than 75% of the stories are inspired by Jilly and her neuroses over the dog. It's not true. I think it's partially true at least. But ToeGrips.com is where you need to check out. If you buy anything, the ToeGrips are great for dogs that have a hard time getting around on wood floors because they're getting older.

Maybe they're dealing with an injury. But they've also got that Encore Mobility Supplement that Luther takes every day and it helps him get around. That's why when he's damn near 10 and a half years old over here, he can go to daycare now for the second day in a row and go for six, seven hours and play and run around and hop and bop. Like you would not know this dog is 10. People, every time I tell somebody he's 10, they're shocked. They're like, oh, he must be a puppy, right? Is that a puppy? Oh no, that's not a puppy chief. That's big LVD and he's an old ass man. He crushes. So go to toegrips.com. That is toegrips.com's Big LVD, and he's an old-ass man. He crushes. So go to ToeGrips.com. That is ToeGrips.com.

Promo code is LUTHER to save 10% on any purchase. It is ToeGrips.com, and read the blog, and you won't have to deal with crappy ads either. ToeGrips.com. This is the Josh and his show. Howdy, everybody. Welcome in. It's Josh and Jilly. How are you, Jilly?

Good. Friday. It is certainly Friday. We got shit tons of stuff to do. I'm excited. Big plan to watch this true crime doc and drink wine tonight. We are drinking wine tonight. How basic of us.

We are the most basic white bitches you're ever going to find. We're drinking wine. It is a wine Friday. And watching true crime. Friday wine day. It is a wine Friday. And watching True Crime. Friday wine day. Just got a follow from Past the Gravy. That's our boy. That's our dude over there.

Hey, Alex, what's going on, bro-ham? If you want to give him a follow, his podcast, he's funny too. Alex works with Rod Ryan. My friend who did email me back that time. That's true. So we're best friends. We were nervous there for a second. But he did email me back. And look,'s true. So we're best friends. We were nervous there for a second. But he did email me back.

And, you know, look, I'm not trying to say I'm big shit. But what I will say is I've gotten a response email from Rod Ryan when I asked a question. And Bobby Bones crept into my DMs one time. And Angelo did say he would come on this podcast. So those are three pretty big names. Those are radio icons responding to little old me. But Alex does a good job. He does this thing every morning on Twitter where he does this, like, bro voice.

Like, what's up, bros? Like, he's mocking, like, hard-on dudes. Like, rise and grind, bros. And he does, like, a whole, like, inspirational, like, 30, 40-second little spiel. And I laugh my ass off at it every morning i'm tickled by it so i laugh at it but anyway you guys should go give them a follow on uh here on uh on twitch and everywhere else they have their podcast uh but uh they're fun they're fun that's alex and everybody with rod ryan now today is a very big day we got lots to do we're gonna drink

wine later on tonight and watch true crime we got this what was the one it's? It's like the girl in the picture or something. I don't want to watch too much of the trailer because I don't want it to be spoiled. Like trailers now are the worst. You watch like these three minute trailers and it gives you everything. It like gives away all the stuff. It sucks. We were talking today about how it's the 17th anniversary of wedding crashers, which to me is Mount Rushmore of 2000s comedy. Right. And if you look into like 2005 to 2010 it was like the like the apex of funny shit before like woke culture took over nothing was funny anymore but I was talking with Battle about this we were looking for movies that we thought were funny like in the last five or six years and somebody brought up uh Good Boys which was supposed to be

kind of like this like pre-teen super bad. And I was excited. I said, yes, preteen super bad. I'm here for that. And then you watch the trailer and you're like, this shit's going to be good. Problem is the fucking trailer is four minutes long and every funny scene, literally there was not one scene in the actual movie that was good. That was not in the actual trailer. The trailer had everything. so you don't want to spoil it. Netflix has these old school 1960s type trailers where like they're seven minutes long. You ever seen an old school movie trailer?

Like go look up the Alfred Hitchcock trailer for Psycho. The trailer for this is literally Alfred Hitchcock walking on the set of Psycho explaining the entire movie. It's like eight minutes. Like it's in black and white. Alfred Hitchcock's at the Bates Motel. Then he's in the Bates house. And he explains the whole movie in like six minutes.

One, I would not want to see this movie if I saw this trailer because it made it seem like the most boring movie ever. And two, it told you the whole fucking movie. Well, that's the problem with trailers. So this one, I did not watch the trailer. I do know it's from the same people who did the abducted in plain sight documentary a few years ago, which was really fucked up. That's when we're like the neighbor abducted their teenage daughter, like twice. And the dude was like, he's like blowing the neighbor and shit. It's like that,

that one took a turn. Like the dude's like, Oh, we couldn't find our daughter. So I was in the car with the neighbor. I blew him like, what the fuck? So this one is described, um, Netflix documentary leaves users horrified. Quote, the most frightening thing I've ever seen. So there's that. So that's what we're watching tonight. Then I'm going to get roped in to more DB Cooper shit because there's a new DB Cooper documentary and I'm going to watch all four episodes, five episodes of it. We're not going to know who DB Cooper is. Nope. And I'm going to be pissed. I'm going to yell at the TV. This is bullshit.

So, that's what we're doing tonight. But there's a lot going on in the world. Apparently there was an emu that was loose in the streets of Houston today. I love Houston so much. The Houston rules. So this was in the Greens Point area of Houston, and there was an, well this lady thought it was an ostrich. It turns out it was an emu.

Lemu. Y'all see an ostrich. Well, this lady thought it was an ostrich. It turns out it was an emu. Lemu. Y'all see this ostrich? Somebody that lost their ostrich. Uh-oh, he taking off running. He moving now. He move. What on earth? Who in the world?

What the? Are you? What the? What on earth? what what oh y'all that is crazy to me i just love i love the start of this which is just somebody done lost they ostrich y'all see this ostrich somebody that lost they asked oh he taking off running and the best is like the cop cars following this emu. It's like a slow-mo chase. It was like the OJ chase. It's fantastic.

It's a slow-motion chase where there's like four cop cars trailing behind this emu in the streets of Houston. And it's around Greens Point, which means some motherfucker has a whole backyard full of exotic animals. Yeah, that emu is not just hanging out by himself. That means that, like, that emu got out. And this motherfucker in his house, he's got tigers. He's got, like, chinchillas. Snakes, for sure. He's got, like, giant-ass snakes.

Like an elephant. There's some motherfucker that's got, like, is all knee knee deep in the exotic animal trade world in in what is that north that's north houston right in north houston shit's going down now i've got some thoughts though or lemu the emu just went rogue he was i'm done with this shit i'm tired fuck you tired of this shit i'm out doug i've had enough here's an interesting thing we'll pay do it doug i'm tired of the white man getting everything fuck you Doug I carry this shit you know Doug makes more in those commercials than Lemu does we don't know that the Lemu she said it was a man what if it was a lady there's no doubt that a lady emu makes less money than an adult male man a white man at that but I was thinking

about this uh when I was watching this is I saw the news story and the news story directly quoted the woman. And if you hear the beginning again, y'all see this ostrich, somebody that lost a ostrich. Somebody done lost the ostrich. Of course, what she means to say is somebody lost their ostrich, right? But she said, somebody done lost the ostrich. So the news quotes her directly. So the lead in the story says, emu on the loose, quote, somebody done lost they ostrich. They know how to get clicks. But here's the thing. And this kind of goes to what M.W.

Solgrove is saying in the chat here. This video has leprechaun in the tree vibes. Like there is a time where I think the news shouldn't directly quote this woman because it feels borderline racist to like directly quote someone saying somebody done lost they ostrich. Because you know what you're doing there. I'm not comfortable with that. I'm uncomfortable with that. That's fantastic audio though. Yes, it is.

And that was what's going on in Houston today. And, of course, the Texans, they've settled with these women. 30. Now, here's the thing. I'm on there. First of all, I think it's garbage. I think it's totally, like, it's junk that the Texans somehow got roped into this. Like, somehow this dude's a serial predator jerking off on all these women, allegedly.

Well, they apparently enabled him. But, like, the idea that they were an enabler is ridiculous it's like the news and everybody else refuses to like just sit back and just and like put responsibility on somebody it's got to be oh well it's the texans the texans enabled it no motherfuckers got mental problems he's a predator and he's beating off on women he's like stalking them on social media and then finding them but people have no experience as a fucking masseuse and he hires him and jerks off on them. He's like stalking them on social media and then finding them. People have no experience as a fucking masseuse and he hires them and jerks off on them. The Texans gave him the hotel room to do it

and the massage tables to do it. The Texans did not know he was jerking off on women. They did not know that he was doing a cum by being touched on the leg. They apparently, allegedly knew he was DMing 20, 30 massage therapists. But it's not really their responsibility to know what

a guy does in his own time for non-disclosure agreements from them something was going on but i don't but like maybe it was just like and it's not uncommon friend as a celebrity i know these things but you need 30 massages no and i'm assuming they all said yeah there's something fucked up about this yeah when it's something weird but they can't assume the worst which is he's a fucking predator just like those assholes that live next door to like Ed Gein or Dahmer. They all say he was kind of fucking weird, but we didn't know that he was fucking chopping people up and eating them. Well, no one else on the team needed to have a private hotel room for massage.

Because he's a fuck. We know he's a fuck. We get that. But like the idea that people are going to sit back and go, well, you know, the Texans, the Texans have zero responsibility in this shit, but they stepped up and paid this shit off just to get it over with, which is a smart move. It probably cost them a couple million bucks, whatever it is. They pay it off.

They move on. But the idea that people refuse to just put responsibility on the fucking dude who's the one jerking off on all the ladies and they're coming. Like at some point, you got to put responsibility on this fucking guy. He's the monster in this, right? Well, yes, but I do believe do believe that you know from reading the accounts that the texans did not help the situation again it's a little shady again when you're a football team and you have a contract with a regular massage place yeah yet your quarterback wants to have 30 girls over to a fucking suite in a very expensive hotel and asked you for a massage table.

But let's say he goes to you and he's like, listen, I try to do this stuff in private because I'm a celebrity. I need to sign the NDAs because I don't want them talking about me. That's probably pretty common. But one of the stories said that like one woman like actually went to the Texans and said, hey, heads up, this is happening. And then they still kept giving him the requested. I'm not saying that there's not some level of like, hey, what the fuck were you doing in the Texans?

What if a woman goes to you and says, hey, your quarterback did this, and you're just like, let's have more girls come over. Then, yeah, you're kind of responsible. If you don't look into that. I think the problem here. If you provide NDAs after a woman has has told you hey your quarterback's like coming on people and you're like yeah it's fine let's get him in his own uh his own suite my problem still remains that i think a lot of news outlets and a lot of analysts and media people don't want to put any blame on this dude they're looking for anyone else to blame everybody's always looking

for some deep-seated social reason why someone's a dickhead. Maybe he's just a piece of shit. And maybe there was some level of enabling from the team because guess what? Celebrities get some level of enabling from their teams or their teams. At that point, they were trying very hard to keep Deshaun happy, LOL. So obviously they wanted to keep him happy. He was happy. Obviously that wasn't enough because he was happy yeah it's but yeah now speaking of pps all right today is a significant anniversary so there's a guy by the name of robert wadlow or wade low i think it's wadlow robert wadlow died on this day in 1940. Robert Wadlow.

Do you know who he is, Jilly? Nope. Robert Wadlow is famous for being the tallest man ever. He was 8 feet 11 inches tall. Robert Wadlow is from the town of Alton, Illinois. No shit. Yes, and Robert Wadlow, if you go to a bar called Fast Eddie's Bonaire in beautiful downtown Alton, Illinois, which I think

I can speak for both of us when I say it's our favorite bar ever. Great bar. You can see one of his shoes, which is size 37. Wow. But he was eight feet, 11 inches tall, and he was born in Alton, Illinois. There's a statue of him in Alton, Illinois. This bar, Fast Eddie's, by the way, Fast Eddie's Bon Air in Alton, Illinois, is a bar where it was crushed. Then there was a smoking ban in Illinois, so you couldn't smoke in bars. So this was going to be the end of the bar. We're fucked. It's a dive bar. It's a great bar. We got to shut it down. We can't smoke inside. So the folks at Fast Eddie's, they said, nope, not so fast, my friend. They went outside, bought a city street in Alton, Illinois, put like a canopy type roof over it so people could go outside and smoke. And therefore, the bar stayed open and it is extremely successful. Yeah, well, the beer is delicious and cold and cheap and the food food is extremely cheap, and it's great food.

Yeah, and the cheap part's the most important. Like chicken on a stick. They got shrimp on sticks. Pork on a stick. Shrimp cocktails. Everything's like two bucks. It's all two bucks. The beer is like $2.

Everything's $2. It is a heavenly bar. One day we need to get the whole group of listeners together and say, meet us at fucking Fast Eddie's, Bon Air, and Alton, Illinois. Well, it's ridiculous because we'll go to St. Louis for a Cardinals game or something, right? We usually stay downtown so we can walk to the stadium. Yep.

So it makes the most sense. But we end up spending another probably $70 round trip on an Uber just to get to and from Fast Eddie's. And we stay there for five hours and spend $13. Absolutely worth it. That's what I'm saying. Normally, I hate spending that much money on Ubers. I hate being in an Uber for 30 minutes. But it is worth it for Fast Eddie's Bonaire.

Well, and it's awesome. And the burgers are really good. Oh, I forgot about the burgers. The burgers are like old char-grilled burgers, and they're like typical sesame seed buns. It tastes like someone's backyard, except it's in the street of a really ghettoed out horrible city called Alton, Illinois. For some reason, every time we go, it rains, but we're still sitting out there. But we're under it. We're outside, and there's a roof over the outside.

But it's awesome. We are big Fast Eddie's people. So this guy, Robert Wadlow, who was 8 feet 11 inches tall, was from Alton, Illinois. And he's kind of their famous figure. He's got his shoe in the bar and all this. Well, I bring this up because allegedly his penis was 12 inches when it was erect. And I've had a debate about this on social media with people. I feel like 12 inches is rather small for someone who's nine feet tall. And I'm

basing this not on myself because people were like, oh, you think 12 inches is small. Yeah, I bet your dick's one ninth of your body. It is not. First of all, I'm a grower, not a shower. And second of all, my erect penis is not one ninth of my body. I will confirm that. But as someone who has been in NFL locker rooms pretty frequently, at least in the past, I've made my way around NFL locker rooms. When I see like a defensive back or a running back like Reggie Bush, Reggie Bush is what, like 5'10", something like that, maybe 5'11"? Reggie Bush's dick went down to his knees. I feel like Reggie Bush's dick is bigger than the tallest man ever's dick.

That's why, to me, for being a nine foot tall dude I feel like a 12 inch erect penis is small well he's a white guy see that's the key that see I you said it like if he were like a nine foot tall black dude like he'd be tripping over his dick right like based on stereotypes stereotypes would have you do that but this guy apparently he would brag about this I started I went down a wormhole on this guy, and I started reading all of the information about his body. Not his body, just him. I mean, he's nine feet tall.

So I looked up, like, hey, honest to God, I just went to Google at work because we talked about it on the air. I said, how big is this guy's dick? I Googled it. Fine. You aren't the only one that Googled it, right? It's probably a popular question. Well, it is. If you were to go to google right now and you look up how big is robert wadlow's penis all

right i'm going to type it in how big was robert wadlow's penis all right let's see there was no other one on that no but if you go to reddit i wonder how big robert wadlow's penis was when you type in the google search like it'll show a question that's been asked before? So not many people are Googling this. You know what? It's not because they're not interested. It's because they don't know who Robert Wadlow is. But there was plenty of other questions.

If they knew who Robert Wadlow is, they'd be intrigued by it. No, there were plenty of other questions. How big was Robert Wadlow when he was born? How big was Robert Wadlow's arm? No one asked penis. Was his arm bigger than his dick? Was his dick bigger than arm? Like no one asked penis. Was his arm bigger than his dick? Was his dick bigger than his arm? Well, they should have. That's bullshit. It's stupid. The fact that people would not want to know that I'm intrigued by that. So the dude, apparently

when he was erect, so I'll just go and find the answer, but apparently when he was erect, he had a 12 plus inch penis. And apparently he would brag about this to people. Let's see, where's the quote? Okay. One particular, his penis was two times the dimension of a typical male, a full 12 plus inches when erect. He liked to converse and brag about it and even indicate to any person who would look when he wasn't dealing with whatever his other issues were. So like he'd walk around, hey guys, by the way, I got a 12-inch dick. You want to see it? And back then, there was no such thing as sexual harassment, because dames had no rights

in the 1930s. Like, what dame would go, hey, Robert Wadlow showed me his dick. Was it impressive, lady? Go back to the kitchen. Call me when you can vote. Well, it looks like, I think when it was number two, is that he would just show dudes in the bathroom his dick. Really?

Oh, I didn't see that part. I guess I should continue reading. Well, you just read it. Oh. He would like to converse about it and even indicate to any person who would look when he wasn't dealing with number two. So do you think he just like walked into the bathroom and was like, hey, friend, I see you're taking a leak. Look at this thing. I'll charge you $5 to see a 12-inch penis.

You know what I'd do? I'd give him $5. I don't think he was charging. It sounds like he was just proud of it. Like, Hey, look, well, I'm saying if even if he did charge, if he was like Dirk Diggler and boogie nights and was charging dudes to watch him jerk off in a truck, I'd be like, you know what? I think I'd charge that. I think I'd pay it. I'd say, you know what? Here's my $5. I'm intrigued by this monstrosity. Show me this warlock, sir. My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns,

hun. That's what I'm here to see. I don't think there's anything gay about wanting to see a 12 inch penis. I don't want to do anything with it. I just want to see it. I'm intrigued by it. Now, granted, I've been around a lot of large penises in locker rooms. I've also been around small penises in locker rooms. We've had this discussion before, like homeboy uh uh ben rothlisberger probably not so big ben because he wore a towel in the locker room you never saw his hog he even put on his underpants under his towel then took off his towel whereas like defensive backs they just stand there in like a superman pose and they're like hello everybody come interview my dick like they don't give a fuck as i've told you before you've watched guys that every dude

that was powdering, like after they get out of the shower, they got baby powder. And what I'm telling you, they would just stand there and be like, yep. And they just hold that bad boy up like they're holding a hoagie. Like they're putting brown mustard on a hoagie. And they would just put that bad boy on there and they were good to go. There's nothing wrong with looking. I mean, I think it's stupid that we're allowed to go into a fucking locker room when these

dudes are naked. They just played a football game. They're either really happy or they're really pissed. And here comes dopey fat reporter guy. Hey, guys, why'd you miss that tackle? While this dude's just standing there in a Superman pose like, hello, good sir. I know you're trying to ask me questions, but feel free to look at my hog. It's gigantic.

Well, first of all, if they're asking why they missed a tackle, they're probably losing. So it'd be more like, why'd you miss that tackle? got to be very quiet like it's it that is a very good point jelly the winning locker room the like rich was a great example of that when the texans would win he'd be like hey it's rich lord here with gary kubiak what a game huh coach they're like high fiving and then when they lose uh rich lord here uh with gary kubiak coach you lost what in your fault what went wrong what went wrong who cheated you coach who touched you in a bad place Rich Lord here with Gary Kubiak. Coach, you lost. Wasn't your fault. What went wrong? What went wrong?

Who cheated you, coach? Who touched you in a bad place? But anyway, other stuff. So I didn't know that Richie Incognito still played football. Yeah, he's retiring today officially. Apparently he doesn't play football anymore because he's retired. He accomplished everything he needed to. He had his comeback and everything.

And now he's hanging it up as a Raider. Now this gives us an opportunity to bring up what was one of my favorite bits that was ever done by Josh Ennis and Jim Mudd, the collaborative team of Ennis and Mudd. And this was when we were at 610. This was the story about how Richie Incognito bullied that one dude. Jonathan Martin was his name. And he apparently was a bully, which was the most ridiculous story ever. A grown ass man should not get bullied by another grown ass man, especially when one of those grown ass men is like seven feet tall and a big hulking football player. He should not be getting bullied by anybody, but it's the most ridiculous story. But they had all the text messages that Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin were sending back

and forth. And they were all like, oh, it's incriminating towards Richie Incognito. He's a terrible guy. So I went digging through my email today because we've had listeners say, hey, why don't you do more stuff with drops? We miss all the old sound bites from the old show. You need to start adding new sound bites. And I bought this thing that allows me to put like a thousand sound bites on there. So I started going thing that allows me to put like a thousand soundbites on there. So I started going through all of some of the old sound, like just to give you an example, you might, people say, Josh, where's all the old Brock? We missed the Brock Osweiler wheel of sound. I'm ecstatic. Anytime you can win a football game in the national football league, there's no better feeling. And then when you add it being a road game, when you add it being a

divisional game, that was extremely important to this team and the rest of our season, shoot, I couldn't be any happier right now. I found so many Brock Osweiler clips and other stuff. And this thing allows me to put like a thousand pieces of audio on it. I miss Brock so much. I do. I want him back. I want him and Bill O'Brien. I want the good old days. The good old days need to return. Like these. Yes, that is confirmed. Brock has confirmed that the good old days need to return. Yes, that is confirmed.

He's not wrong. Thank you, Brock. But what I did find was this old bit that me and Jim did, which was called the Richie Incognito, Jonathan Martin playhouse of text. Something like that. It was something like that. So we had the women in the office play the roles of Jonathan Martin

and Richie Incognito. This would have probably gotten you fired now. And I would have blamed Jim because Jim's the one that executed the bit. It was just my idea. It might have even been his idea. I don't know. But so I'm going to play a couple of these

because I just think these are fucking brilliant. And it's topical because 10 years ago, Richie Incognito was a bully and now he is no longer playing football so let me play a couple of these for you and now another Richie Incognito Jonathan Martin playhouse of texts you down for teas nah I'm grossed out by prostitutes ha ha. They're strippers who go the extra mile. That's an interesting way to put it, but loose f*** that get pounded by multiple c***s

every day don't do it for me. They don't get pounded all day. How many people do you know willing to drop $700? You're dumb enough to spend it. Not everybody get the VIP treatment. This has been Text Playhouse with Jonathan Martin and Richie Incognito. I forgot who these women were.

They were just nice ladies that worked in the office. All right, let me play another one for you. And now, another Richie Incognito, Jonathan Martin Playhouse of Texts. You f***ing ass. I should be destroying that f***. I'm sorry, I have swinging from my that sister was a major hater. Yeah, she was. I thought we were in like Flint last night. I told

those bitches I didn't want to go to social because I'm hooking up with that chick that works there. I was too drunk to make up lies. Yeah, whatever. That brunette was such a buzzkill. The other two were down though. We had to get them back to the crib. This has been Text Playhouse with Jonathan Martin and Richie Incognito.

I see that Not A Fanboy says this is where snowflake culture took over. This was kind of like the dying days of being able to do funny radio shit where you were clearly making fun of the bad guy and people got it. Now they don't get it. They just hear words or something. They're like, oh, my God, those are terrible words. Well, that, and if you'd have asked someone in the office to read this, it would have been HR immediately.

Yeah, let me play one more for you. And now another Richie Incognito, Jonathan Martin, playhouse of texts. She was terrible at ****, but I still **** all over her. Nice. How much was that room? $1.99. She was terrible at but I still all over her. Nice. How much was that room? One 99. I got the worst ever.

My is so chafed right now. This has been text playhouse with Jonathan Martin and Richie incognito. My dick is so chafed right now. Like this sounds like a text conversation tank had with someone at some point. Man dog, my dick is so chafed right now. Like this sounds like a text conversation tank had with someone at some point, man, dog, my dick is so chafed right now. God, that was spectacular. Yeah. You just can't do that kind of shit anymore. You cannot like now, like you hear a story about like back then when a grown ass man got bullied, we all just said, grow the fuck up, bro. Now you forget those 10 years ago, fucking 10 years ago is when the shit went down 10 years ago. We'd sit there and go, bro, come on

a grown man cannot get bullied you're a grown fucking man what are you doing now we're like oh poor guy he got bullied it's probably is he non-binary so brave for standing up and saying something by the way this i think it's like non-binary appreciation day or something isn't it always i have no fucking clue what non-binary means. And I honestly don't give a shit what non-binary means, but it means something. And it's non-binary appreciation day. It just means you don't have a gender. You don't define yourself at either gender. Today is also a significant date in history while we're talking about things.

Today, this very day, in the year 2006, this is the day that Twitter went public to the world. So you could arguably, if you want to go all back to the future and get in your DeLorean and go back in time, gun it to 88, right? If you go back to that date, a red letter date in history, July 15th, 2006. The world was never the same. That is arguably when the world ended. This is like when you stepped on a butterfly. Like I'd like to get in a time machine. Here's what I want to do. I want to get in a time machine. I want to gun it to 88. Me, Doc Brown, run the DeLorean, gun it to 88. We go back to 2006 and we stop Twitter from ever happening. That's what we should have done. And if that would have happened, I think the world would be a totally different

place. You could still do Richie Incognito bits. You could. But nope, can't do it anymore because Twitter has ruined everything. I was trying to explain this to Battle earlier today about Twitter. Like, the times I've gotten fired, mostly because of Twitter. Like, Twitter is just awful and it's gotten worse. Now, Facebook's no better either, as we've talked about. Facebook is where your grandma and grandpa go to share fake news stories about how, Biden is a robot, which he might be, who knows. But that's where you go for that, right?

Then you go to Twitter and it's, hey, white people are terrible. And it's all driven by auto-generated division, essentially. It's all algorithms and stuff. But if you could go back in time and gun it to 88 and you could say, Josh, now we're leaving the Holocaust out of this, but if you can go back in time and change one thing in like modern history, what would you do? What do you think would be the best thing that could happen to the world if you were to do this? And you might say, well, Josh, what about like 9-11? I get it. 9-11 is a bad thing. It happened. Bad things happened. If I save that, then I have to stop every bombing that's ever happened. I can't save all those. I can only stop one thing.

I would go back in current history here and I would stop Twitter from coming into existence. The world really would be a very different place. It would be, I think it'd be very different. I would actually do that and then maybe that doesn't take off and then no social media actually do that and then maybe that doesn't take off and then no social media takes off and then maybe we're just normal people that have to have conversations with people and can't be wackos the white dookie here in the chat brings up a good point this is perfect stand-up material should let me write that down I'm gonna that's what I need to start doing on the show is every time you guys think I do something that I could build into

a stand-up thing that I'm never going to execute. I'm going to do that. So what would be this topic? This would be like, you can go back and change anything. Twitter anniversary. Yeah. Okay. Twitter anniversary.

All right, cool. I wrote that down. Thank you. White, white doki doki doki. Thank you. The world would be a better place if Josh never got fired for posting the Al Jolson pic I would travel back and destroy your phone that would be a good idea which again if you want to dig deep into that wormhole is the most absurd thing to get fired forever is posting a picture you know

of like a historic picture like I've walked into bars we were in what town of Mississippi was it where they actually had like the Natchez Mississippi had an old Al Jolson poster on the wall. So like, anyway, I don't want to get deep into it, but still, I agree with you on that. Thank you, sir. I thank you for bringing that up, but I'm glad that you would go back and that's what you would fix. But I certainly would. I'd go back there and I'd say, hey, listen, assholes, I'm not going to let this shit happen. You want to see the future? Let me tell you about the future. And then you show them all the shit we got into. And then you're stuck with what you're stuck with, which is all this junk we have now. So I would have totally eliminated them.

So we were out drinking with our buddy yesterday. Ben Wolf Boy was in town, Wolf Boy and his wife, Lisa. And we see them maybe once a year, twice a year, tops. But Ben was like my best friend in Houston when I first got there. It was just me and Ben. And if anybody remembers 6'10", it was, oh, it's Wolf Boy and Wolf Man, all this stupid stuff. Used to go out and get hammered together. We were bros. Then we fell out for a while because he married Lisa and they moved away and he wasn't on the show anymore.

And then we didn't talk and then I wasn't at their wedding. Evidently, you discussed all this on Sunday. That is one thing I did learn last night is he goes, oh, so I wouldn't be in your wedding, huh? I go, what are you talking about? I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? He's like, oh, I was listening to that drunk podcast the other night. I go, shit, I didn't even remember posting that. But anyway, so we were at a bar.

And we're all having a good time. And we're drinking beers and stuff. And somebody was at the bar next to us. And we just kind of strike up a conversation with them. Like, hey, what's going on? How are you? Whatever. Well, because it's Tennessee, and for some reason in Tennessee, everyone will just start talking to you in Tennessee. You will know someone's life story in five minutes in Tennessee.

Correct. And they just offer it to you. Yes. And it doesn't even start with, hi, I'm Janelle or something. It's just like. No, they'll just make some quick comment, and then next thing you know, they're telling you their whole life story. It starts with, man, this weather. And then before you know it, you're like seven beers deep and you've been there for six hours

and they're crying and it's a whole thing. So this person next to us is like on the wagon, right? Like kind of like getting sober. They're at the bar with their friends because they want to communicate and have a good time, but they're trying not to drink. But they wanted the taste of beer, which is something I'll never understand, but they want the taste of beer without the, you know, the positive effects, which is getting hammered. So this person that was, you know, like next to us at this bar, we were at this place, a social, not social, assembly food hall in the on Broadway and this person says hey can I get a a Heineken zero yeah so basically it's

0.0 right non-alcoholic non-alcoholic beer and they start drinking this and I'm like oh man how's that well I mean it's fine it gives me the taste of it but you know what fucking sucks I'm like oh what fucking sucks man uh well like it was happy hour so we were drinking Coors for four dollars a pint it was good this guy goes well unfortunately to drink this non-alcoholic beer I have to pay get this eight dollars for the bottle for a Heineken zero eight dollars like it just seems wrong because obviously this guy's is probably trying to get, obviously if he's drinking non-alcoholic beer, and he had told us, yeah, I'm on the wagon.

So he's trying to better himself, presumably. Yes. And you're going to be like, nope, here, $8. At that point, I'd be like, fuck it. I'm getting back off the wagon for $4. Give me the beer. Well, what we got into. That seems to make it very difficult for someone who's trying to be sober. Oh, yeah.

Like, well, the world is set up for people who are trying to do well to fail. Like, I do buy that. Like, it was easier for me to not gamble whenever I had to go through all these random offshore websites. Now I can just go to my phone and go, here's $100, whatever. And then before you know it, I've spent $500. And it's easy. I'm not making excuses, by the way. But it's easier for someone that has a gambling problem

to go gamble constantly. It's right there on your phone. It's easy. If you're at a bar and you're hanging out with friends and they're drinking beers, you're trying to be on the wagon, whatever, you're sick, whatever, you don't want to drink.

You drink a non-alcoholic and it costs double the amount of a normal beer. It's ridiculous. It's got to be tough. Same thing goes with fast food and food that is not good for you. Same thing, Mega Blast. Well, that's like me. I've been trying to drink less soda. So I've been buying the small cans you can get now, like at the store. Those small cans cost more for like a six pack of small cans of like coke or pepsi yep than a 12 pack of full-size cans yes it's ridiculous well like people talk about eating healthy and a lot of people in the chat have brought that up go to like fucking uh whole foods

or a salad place like i love salata in houston but like you're gonna drop more there like probably triple than you would at mcdonald's totally like you go like today, I got out of the station early today. I came home. I actually took a nap today. Maybe that's why I'm so energetic. You're actually going to make it through true crime and wine. I think I will. I actually came home, laid down, and just passed out for about an hour and a half. I think that's the key for you on Fridays. Get home at like 9.45.

You slept for probably two and a half hours. Did I? I didn't get home until like 9.45. But you went to bed pretty much right away. And I feel pretty good. Before I even ate my sausage McGriddle, you went to bed pretty much right away. Yeah, and I feel pretty good. Before I even ate my sausage McGriddle, you went to bed. Well, that's why I bring this up. So I went, I was on the way home. I said, hey, do you want me to pick up something, you know, for breakfast, whatever?

I said, I'm going to go through McDonald's. You want something? And he said, yeah, give me a McGriddle. I got a McGriddle. We got a seat at McGriddle. I got a sausage biscuit, a little jelly strawberry on there because I love mixing the strawberry jelly with the sausage biscuit. Two drinks. I got an sausage biscuit, a little jelly strawberry on there because I love mixing the strawberry jelly with the sausage biscuit. Two drinks.

I got an unsweet tea. You got an orange high C. Shit was like $6. That's all. $6. If I were to get like an actual breakfast somewhere, like, hey, let's go to a nice, you know, let's go to a sit down place and get like a nice, you know, bacon, eggs, whatever for breakfast, something better for you in theory, an omelet, whatever. You go to a place

that shit's going to cost you a ton. But then you go to like waffle house and you get waffles and the fried shit. And it's all like $9 for a fucking all-star breakfast. Like it makes it impossible. Like, I get it. I get why people struggle with shit. Like, I don't want to judge people who have addiction problems. I get it, man. Like it sucks. So for a guy to be out at a, and he's just like, it wasn't like he was out at 10 o'clock or at night. It was, hey, it was happy hour. His friends were out. He was off of work. They're hanging.

He wants to hang out with his bros, have a little camaraderie. They're drinking beers. He's not put off by it. He's going to drink his little Heineken Zero. Eight dollars. And someone could argue, like, well, just tell him to get water. But, I mean, if you're, I imagine, like, in that situation, you at least kind of want to feel like you're part of the drinking. And the easiest way to do that is to have a bottle.

And maybe it's like an embarrassment thing. Maybe it's like, well, I don't want to just sit at the bar with a cup of water. At least I have a bottle in front of me because it looks like I'm drinking, something like that. But, yeah, that's just cruel to me. It is. I agree with that. So, Jilly is going to make a home run Derby bet, right? You were looking at the odds for the home run Derby.

Yeah. I am three days on the gambling wagon. I told you I'm not going to gamble again until football starts until they start endorsing again. Well, no, like, yeah, I mean, I'll do it, but like, I'm, I'm, see, I told you once I get into something for two or three days, I can stick to it. Like I, like, would you agree that the last two days or so I've been on my phone less? You have, actually.

And I haven't really looked at my phone in the car. I haven't done any of that because I'm not betting on random soccer games or anything like that. I told you I was going to basically take off from gambling because I blow way too much fucking money doing that. And, like, I keep putting money in. You've got to do my method. A hundred bucks and that's it. And that's what we're going to do in the football season. The pressure is on to win and to only bet, like, well well i'm not gonna do that well i worked for here's

what i'm gonna do and i've laid this out for you we're gonna get a big board like a tote like a dry erase board somewhere in here and we'll compete with each other during the season like you know we'll each like say well you probably are gonna have money in your account already i'll put in like 200 bucks for the whole season and And I'll see what I can get that up to by the end of the season. Or if we hit a certain number, we take out. But like I told you, I don't like I'm three days into this. I don't even think about it. I have no desire to do it. I'm cool. It's the same thing with working out. I've got to go to the gym three days in a row. If I go to the gym three days in a row, I'll go five and then I'll go every week, three or four days. Once I stop something, I suck at getting started again. But if I could like soda,

let's look at soda as an example, which is just toxic and bad for you. And I'm not judging those who drink and I'm a fat lard. I don't have the right to judge anybody. But a year ago, when that quack doctor told me I had the beatus and gave me all these meds and said, you got to stop drinking sodas and shit. I stopped drinking soda. And you have felt better. And I have not had soda in over a year. That's actually a very good accomplishment. And so it just takes me a little bit of time to get going.

So I'm taking some time off from gambling because I think it occupies too much of my time. And honestly, I just blow way too much fucking money. You have no self-control. Because it's so easy to do. It's so easy to go, well, fuck, here's 50 bucks, 50 bucks. Then before you know it, you spent 700, 800 bucks. Again, not to brag, I put in $100 and I've gotten down to like 20, but I keep building

myself back up with these $2, these $3 bets. And now I'm at 586. And you've taken stuff out too. Yeah, I've taken a lot out. So here's what I'm, then that's what football season's going to be. We'll get a big leaderboard in here and we'll just write down like two or three bets that we really like each week football wise. And we'll just go there and see how long it takes me to blow the $200 I put in or build

up how much I'm going to put in. But see, you can't just put in a hundred and then bet a hundred right away. Like you have to. Well, here, but see, to me, here's where I, I tend to succeed. I find something I really like. And like, let's say I put in $200. In that case, I'd go in and say, I'm going to put $100 on this game that I really like. What gets me is when I find a bunch of shit I don't like, and I'm just bored, and I'm

like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Yeah, so put like $2 on those. But I'm not doing that. I don't want to play those. So you were a bad, like when I first got a gambling account, before I was even endorsing FanDuel, I remember the first bet I made was a $50 bet. And I was like, oh, just like that, like when I first got a gambling account before I was even endorsing FanDuel. Yeah. I remember the first bet I made was a $50 bet. And I was like, oh, just like that, like all my money's gone.

I had like $300 in a weekend because I was betting 50, 100 because that's what you did. Yeah. I'm a bad example. Yeah, it was a horrible example. I am a piece of shit. And then I switched to my new method, which is put, you know, three, four bucks, maybe 10. But here's why it works for you.

You don't have this fucking mental deficiency that i have now where i've got a problem yeah so to me a two dollar bet is like what the fuck well what if you can win like 150 on it that wouldn't do it like here's what i do sometimes they've got these like i'm on draft kings they've got a social feed on the the app and like dudes will build the these what they call lottery bets you know know what I'm saying? So these lottery bets are like plus 1 million. The odds of them hitting are nothing. But you put in a dollar, maybe one day you get lucky and you win $100,000, right? Like that kind of shit I do. Yeah, but I mean, that's stupid. Like mine at least are somewhat realistic. My like plus 1800s or my plus 2300s. So here's

what I'm going to do though. I'm'm either, like, during the football season, really Saturdays and Sundays, like, if I like two, I'm going to look at games I really like, and I'll determine, like real gamblers do, which is, hey, I'm going to put, like, this is a four-star play or whatever. If it's a game I kind of like,

my problem is I bet the same amount of money whether I really like it or whether it's just some throwaway game that I'm bored with. If I really like it, I should be putting more on that game that I'm bored with. If I really like it, I should be putting more on that and less on the throwaways, but I'll be looking at parlays and we'll come up with stuff. We'll do it for the podcast during the season.

We'll look at some games. We'll get Scott's picks from his ass too. Dad should have opened up an account on his phone. He actually, he shouldn't. He asked me about that. He's like, Josh,

how do I do this? You don't. Cause you're going to end up like me and just spending thousands of dollars over the course of your life. It works. Like he'll ask, he'll send me messages like how much would it win if i put ten dollars on joe burrow to throw for 300 yards like he doesn't understand yeah so i if anything he needs to have someone that just goes to do it for him and like in person yeah because you can do that in person now correct um he does not need the app

philly 41862 are you like me when I'm drunk? I get the itch more to gamble. Yes. And that's why when I get drunk, I need to go put my phone in a safe. Well, I also get that same itch. But again, I just put down like $4. Because you don't have the problem I have. I've been doing this for 10 years.

I have a problem. I have a legit problem. I'm just trying to give you a solution to where you can still do it if you enjoy it, but without blowing thousands of dollars. But that's easy to give you a solution to where you can still do it if you enjoy it, but without blowing thousands of dollars. But that's easy to explain. It's like explaining to the drunk that, hey, why don't you just drink this non-alcoholic beer? It kind of wets your whistle, but it's not going to give you what you're looking for. But that's why I'll feed off of whatever you're doing for the next month and a half.

What was your all-star bet you wanted to make? The Home Run Derby? Yeah, that's how I started this. So this is what I'll do, exactly. So Albert Pujols has the longest odds to win. Yep. We're betting on Albert. So Albert's plus $2,200.

So what I would do is put down like $3. So that would win like $100 something? $66. $66. So you'd win $66. So then you win enough of those. I mean, I've taken out probably like $1,000 of gambling, and I still have $500 in my account.

Yes, I've blown thousands of dollars gambling, so I'm a mess. I like my system. And your system's lovely. And so what I'll do is for the next month and a half, while I build my loot up, and I get ready for our football season party where we'll make some bets and we'll compete against each other, and we'll have fun. Our listeners can join. We can have a good time.

What I'm going to do. I just put $3.78 on Albert Pujols to win the home run. And now we have something to root for. And I'm rooting for you. And I'll get my fix that way. You know what I'm saying? I'm not telling you to. I meant for football season so you last longer.

No, that's true. What I need. But here's. Let me tell you something. I told you this story. My first sports bet was an LSU bet. And they won $100 to win like $90. I ended up with $190.

I got that thing up to $3,000 and then blew it. I'm the king of that. But I didn't think much of it. I would just find a game I liked. What killed me was a couple of things. When it was just making straight bets on things I liked, I'm like, oh, this shit's easy. And then I would say, I'm going to start doing parlays. That sounds like a winner.

And then I wouldn't hit them. And then it's know, it's a whole thing. And I've blown, you know, this, I've blown thousands of dollars. Do you want to hear the rest of the odds in the home run Derby, which is Monday, by the way? Sure. So Pete Alonzo is the favorite at plus 185. He's going for the three Pete. Yep. So there's no value for you there, obviously. Plus 185. That's what I'm saying. There's no value if for what you bet if you bet a hundred dollars there's value of 50 there's value if you bet a dollar 50 you're not gonna win shit kyle swarber plus 290 okay swarber i totally we always make fun of mike shannon and how he says it and i've totally forgotten how to say he says swarber so now we all just say swarber he's plus 290 juan soto is plus 650 you know that he's 17 Ronald Acuna Jr. is plus

700 all right that's my dude on the home run derby game that's true uh Julio Rodriguez plus a thousand I don't even know who that is Corey Seager plus 1,000 Jose Ramirez plus 1,600 and Albert at plus 2,200 like the only the the only move to make to have any value, especially if you're only betting $3, the only move is to take Albert or the other dude. And, I mean, Albert you could think maybe gets hot. I can imagine in batting practice he can still launch some. So I'm going Albert.

I'm with you on that. I feel good. Now, his round one matchup is Kyle Schwarber. So now the way it's set up is you have to beat an individual person to move on to the next round. I believe so. And Schwarber's hit like 30 home runs already. And it's going to break your heart when Schwarber's the one that

knocked Albert out in the first round. I fucking hate that guy. I hate him. And what I hate about him is you look at him and you know that deep down he's really still a fucking fat guy. Like as thin as he's gotten and as lean as he's gotten it's like you still look fat muscular. God damn it you're You're fat and you know, you're fat. And I look forward to watching you balloon up whenever you stop playing baseball. And he's the worst kind of hitter. He's the hitter. I hate the fucking asshole that bats 205, but hits a bunch of home

runs. He's a, he's the prototypical hitter in modern baseball. And I hate the prototypical hitter in modern baseball. When you look at the most legendary hitter, Albert Pujols, who is a complete hitter, that his career average is still damn near 300, despite the fact he hadn't hit 300 in 10 years, because he was so fucking good for those first 10 years in St. Louis, worst season he ever had. He had 99 runs batted in, and he batted 299. He's a fucking god. He can go to left field, he can go to right field, he can plug the gap. He's a guy that can hit for power and average. took walks he didn't strike out the best hitter i've ever seen and then some slap dick kyle schwarber comes up and he's like hey uh i bet 204 but i hit 30 homers before the break fuck you fatty magoo i hate your fucking style of baseball and it's dick fucks like

you that have ruined baseball eat a dick also bs move brings up jo Joe Burrow to win the Heisman. That was, okay. That was a life-changing bet that I did not make. That would have covered all my losses if I would have hit that one. And that one was in person. Yeah, I fucked up. I could either leave with $1,000 or whatever it was in my hand, or I could bet that and have to wait months to see if I got it back. And I tell you, the second when we were at that fucking Texas game and he threw for like

500 yards and they won on that play towards the end, I said, fuck. I blew this. He's going to win. I blew this. Because this isn't like, oh, I almost did it. I was in line at the window and said, no, I'm going to kick. Because I was going to do it. I was hammered enough to do it.

And I believed in it. Real talk. While I got your attention. As you said, you find a bet you really like. Go with it. That's the one you should go with. Here's the thing. I was on Joe Burrow before anybody else was.

That's reality. I said that whenever they were playing earlier, there was that season where they beat Auburn a couple years ago. And then we went to wrestling. And he made a couple big throws. This guy's pretty fucking good. He's pretty tough. And then, of course, there was the game against Central Florida.

The PlayStation Bowl, the Fiesta Bowl. Where he got laid the fuck out and then got right back up and said, fuck this shit, it's Joe Burrow time. And I said, this guy's really fucking good. And that was the last game you saw before you were about to make this bet. I said, you know what, I'm in. Me and Joe Burrow's dad were the only two people that were going to make that bet. He did.

I didn't. He's wealthy. I'm not. If you want to put money on Joe Burrow to win MVP next year, it's plus $1,200. There's value there. Maybe before the season. Here's what we do. We also, before the season starts, we can put a couple dollars down on futures like that.

You know what's funny is Deshaun Watson is plus $6,000. And the odds are he's probably not even going to play. Well, we don't know that. The longer they're silent, like you wonder if he's going to be back after six weeks now. Well, he's going to be, he's going to miss time, which will make it harder for him to win the MVP. So he's plus 6,000. Yet Ryan Tannehill, who's going to play every game is plus 7,500.

Well, what's your boy Davis Mills? Not on the list. Oh, I should put money on him. That's what you should do. That's your boy. He? Not on the list. Oh, I should put money on him. That's what you should do. That's your boy. He's plus 10,000 to win MVP. Okay, if the Texans are going to win the division like you're betting on them to do, then Davis Mills has to have a huge year, right?

Or Jimmy Garoppolo would have to have a big year for the Texans if you believe that. Jared Goff is plus 15,000. Yeah, I'm going to pass. Although he has the most expensive offense in the league according to the numbers. Plus 15,000 if you think a receiver is going 15,000. Yeah, I'm going to pass. Although he has the most expensive offense in the league, according to the numbers. Jamar Chase, plus 15,000. If you think a receiver is going to win it. A receiver won't. It's going to be a quarterback. Well. So like, okay, so give me that list. Let's think, let's find where the value lies. So is the number one like Aaron Rodgers? The favorite is Josh Allen at plus 700. Dude, even that's value. Plus 700 for the favorite?

Mahomes is plus 800. Here's what you do then. You put in like $250 and then put like 50 on each of those guys. And then put like sprinkle in a little bit on everyone. So maybe you make your money back. So Tom is plus 800 as well. Aaron Rodgers is plus 1,000. Justin Herbert plus 800 as well. All right. Aaron Rodgers is plus 1,000. All right. Justin Herbert plus 1,000.

So then what you do is you find the two top ones and put the most on them. So let's say you've got like a 250. You go like, oh, we're going to put 75 bucks on Allen. We're going to put 75 bucks on Mahomes. 75 bucks. They're not even 75 at that point. Find the top two that you like the most. Put the most likely and put 75.

So again, the top three are Allen is plus 700. both mahomes and brady are plus 800 all right then like you start finding a couple that like have a shot and sprinkle in like 15 bucks on each of them aaron rogers plus a thousand justin herbert plus a thousand i don't think herbert's gonna win then dac prescott plus 1200 that's not gonna win either so i wouldn't put it on him joey burrow plus 1200 for joe burrow i'd say put in $10, right? You win $120 on $10? I'd also roll with Russell Wilson. New team, fresh restart, plus $1,400.

Put in $10 on him. If you win, you win $140, and it basically covers your losses. Matthew Stafford, also plus $1,400. I think he's going to fall off this year big time. Stafford? I agree. I wouldn't bet on him. Kyler Murray ain't going to do shit.

He's plus $2,000. Lamar's plus $2,000. Well, if you ask Bernard Pollard, Lamar ain't going to do shit. He's plus 2,000. Lamar's plus 2,000. Well, if you ask Bernard Pollard, Lamar ain't going to do shit. I'm sitting at the bar yesterday. I look up at the TV. I see Bernard Pollard's name. I'm like, what is my friend doing? He and Lamar.

You should get him on the pod to talk about this. I do. I was texting him yesterday. We were texting. I was like, dude, this shit's fucking wild. It's like, I know, bro. This is crazy. Let's see.

Derek Carr, okay. Plus 2,500. Derek Carr, okay, plus 2,500. Jalen Hurts, plus 2,500. Not going to happen. Trey Lance, plus 4,000. Mac Jones, plus 4,000. Kirk Cousins, LOL. Well, but you do want to find one of those really long shots. Yeah.

Like the one that has the best chance. Well, I would, if I'm going to, I'd almost put money on Matt Ryan over like Kirk Cousins. Like, again, the change of scenery. Who knows what Matty Ice is going to do. And the division, whether you, you know, the Texans and Jaguars may be better, but you're playing them four fucking times. Plus 4,000. Then you've got Jonathan Taylor and Derrick Henry, two running backs at plus 5,000. I would go, I would put money. Tua. Put five bucks on each of those guys. Cause I don't know, like Jonathan Taylor's interesting. I wonder if he's just kind of a flash maybe you know if Derrick Henry's healthy that dude's still gonna put up

numbers I don't think either one of them would Derrick Henry didn't win it when he rushed for 2,000 yards so like you would have to be a monster you have to have like 2,500 rushing yards and a thousand receiving yards like realistically as a running back what would you have to do to win the MVP you would probably have to have like a record-setting rushing yard season and have a record-setting touchdown season. And your team would have to make it. And they have to win 14 games. Yeah.

So that's a long shot. You got Tua at plus 6,000 and Deshaun at plus 6,000. All right. Ryan Tannehill, Justin Fields, Carson Wentz, Daniel Jones, Cooper Cup, Jameis Winston. You know what I would do? What's Cooper Cup? Cooper Cup plus $7,500.

Now, if the idea is that Stafford's going to have a down year, it would then indicate that Cup would too. But what is Cup again? Plus $7,500. Put in $10 on it. And Carson Wentz's and Daniel Jones and Jameis and Trevor Lawrence and Baker Mayfield, Mitch Trubisky, Marcus Mariota, all plus $7,500.

I put Cup well before I'd even consider those dudes. Then you got Davis Mills and Zach Wilson and Devontae Adams and Jimmy Garoppolo and Debo Samuel at plus $10,000. Okay. None of those guys. Then you get into the more plus $15,000 of Sam Darnold, Jared Goff, Jamar Chase, Christian McCaffrey. Where's Jameis?

Jameis was plus 7,500. I wouldn't take him either. Tyreek Hills plus 20,000. Yeah. Good point from Philly here. 2022 comeback player of the year, Michael Thomas plus 800. Good bet. Oh, that's a good one.

I mean, someone's got to throw him the fucking ball. Plus 30,000 for MVP. Not going to take that. But, I mean, he's got to get the ball fucking ball. Plus $30,000 for MVP. Not going to take that. But, I mean, he's got to get the ball, and who knows what Jameis is going to do. I do think the Saints will be decent, but I don't know that I'm taking MVP. So if you're going to waste money on it, you want to take a thing that has a shot. I mean, Jameis is plus $500 for comeback player of the year. That could be.

Derrick Henry's in that bunch as well. You know what? I mean, if you've got to pick a comeback player of the year, now he was down and hurt a lot of last season. And what is his odds? Plus 350. I mean, I'd say if anybody's got a shot, it could be him. I mean, then there's Baker and Mitch Trubisky. Nope.

Marcus Mariota. Nope. Juju. Nope. Yeah, Odell. I mean, Odell had a pretty good year last year. M.W. Solgrove says, if a receiver was ever going to win it, it would have been cupped last year. You're probably right.

I mean, he's not going to have that kind of season again, and he didn't win it. So the odds of that are, you know, long. But that's what you're doing. You're trying to find a couple favorites to cover the bet with bigger bets, and then take long shots for smaller amounts. And if one of them happens to hit, then boom. If not, your bet's covered with the other guy. That's what you got to do.

Anyway. All right. Who do I tell them about? Nobody. We're good. Oh, we're good today. Good. Awesome.

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