The Josh Innes Show - Kroger Masturbator?

Episode Date: September 12, 2025

The Detroit area has an issue with a man possibly masturbating in a local grocery store. The man is unloading a mystery substance on women's buttocks...I think we know the substance. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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for you out of the Detroit area. I know I said I'd get into some sports stuff, but this one tickled me. Headline reads, Southfield Man arrested in bizarre assault case involving female shoppers in Farmington Hills. So what was this guy doing? What was he doing to assault females at a grocery store in Farmington Hills? Well, let's play a couple commercials. We'll come back and we'll get into that. Hey, it's Josh.

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All right, here's what we got. A 20-year-old Southfield man has been arrested in connection. with a series of bizarre assaults at a grocery store in Oakland County. At least two women reported having an unknown substance discharged onto their backsides while shopping at Kroger in Farmington Hills in September. An unknown substance being discharged onto their backsides while shopping at Kroger in Farmington Hills in September. I think I know what the substance was.

I'm not sure, but I feel 99% positive that I know. Dion Otis Grant was arraigned in district court this week after being charged with two counts of fourth degree criminal sexual conduct. So if it's criminal sexual conduct and there's an unknown substance being discharged onto someone, like if you just squirted somebody with water, that ain't sexual assault. if you threw like jelly on somebody that's not sexual assault so i'm feeling unless there's more to this okay well here there's some more prior to his arrest two women had reported disturbing allegations to farming hills about a man who had approached them from behind and discharged an unknown liquid onto the back of their pants near their buttocks i think i know what the substance was Guys, I'd like to solve the puzzle.

The first woman reported the alleged assault on September 5th. She told police she was shopping at a Kroger location at 25-780 Middle Belt Road when the incident happened. She provided her pants to police for further testing while investigations obtained surveillance images of the suspect. I feel like the same thing on her pants was the same thing on Monica's dress. On September 8th, the suspect returned to the location and was recognized by store staff who called 911 just before officers had arrived. A second female shopper reported a similar incident. Officers confronted the suspect as he attempted to flee the store and detained him. I don't know, look for the guy pulling his pud.

After he was identified as the suspect from the first incident, he was taken into custody by Farmington Hills Police Department. The pants from the second victim were also collected and will be tested. So, again, how is this sexual assault if this ain't spunk? Like, I don't know what you're allowed to do and not do. Like, I don't know if you're allowed to, like, spray. Like, I guess it's sexual assault. Like, say you had a super soaker. Not, like, super soaked at ho!

Say you had a super soaker. And, like, you pumped. Okay, this, again, I am not talking. about his erect penis. I'm talking about a legit super-soaker. Pump, pump, pump, pump. And you just blasted some chick on her ass at a grocery store with a super-soaker. I assume that because you're blasting the chick on the ass with the super-soaker, then that makes it sexual assault. So I guess I could be wrong here. The Farmington Hills Police Department is deeply committed to ensuring the safety of our

community and holding people who violate that sense of safety accountable for their actions, said John Piggott, who's the Farmington Hills Police Chief, we are working diligently to investigate these incidents and provide answers to those affected. Look, I don't need to see the video, and I don't need to work diligently to tell you what happened. That's, that's jiz. Like, I'd like to, like, call it, hey, I want to call the tip line. Like, hey, do you guys have a tip line? Yeah, I think it was ejaculate. That's what I've, guys, I think. I think he was jerking it on these chicks. Hey, I want to call, like, is there a tip line? Like, hey, I want to call a tip line and be like, hey, have you seen that scene in Silence of the Lambs

where Clarice is walking through by all the cells and, like, Miggs throws like a whole, like web slings, some jizz on her? That's what this was. This is not the first time that Grant was accused of something like this. He was wanted in Florida for allegedly taking photos of women at a Target store and groping a woman in another grocery store there as well. The concern here at home is that there might be more victims. The man is

a never-ending come-spout. What's next? Grant was given a $10,000 personal bond and pleaded not guilty during his arraignment at the 47th District Court. He's not allowed to you are not allowed to return to Kroger. Listen, guys,

this gentleman cannot be allowed in Kroger. He is a cereal jerker offer in the produce department. Maybe he's just really turned on by cantaloupes. I don't know. More details will be given in this case during his preliminary hearing later in September. He's scheduled to be back in court on September 19th. There is no way that this is anything other than spunk.

There is no way. Things are weird. People are strange. It's like that story we read the other day about like the guy who was taking up. skirt shots at the LSU Barnes & Noble. People just like, people are horn toads when you get them in the grocery store, I guess. I don't know. They get all these ladies, like, they just see them like, here they are, you know.

I just, like, the stories that you read on the local news are fun. I wonder if there's anybody else that has more details on this. That was from Fox 2, Detroit. Here's another headline. Kroger Mystery, shopper sprays women and is arrested. This one, women report alleged creeper liquid on their backside. She felt an unknown liquid on the back of her pants. She wasn't sure it came from the ceiling or something inside the store.

It came from this guy's hog. That's where it came from. I feel pretty confident of that. I don't know the guy. I haven't seen the video. Is there a crime stoppers line? If there's a crime stopper's line, I'm going to call crime. stoppers and I'm going to say it was come he was masturbating I shop here all the time it's

kind of scary just to know that it's people in this area that is targeting women like that said Sophia whitehead another woman I just think it's scary I think you should be able to go into the grocery store any time of day and get what you need for yourself and for your family and not feel so concerned about that it's not the first situation that I've heard of There was another one at a Walmart where someone tried to hand or something, and there was something on the plastic covering. So it's happening more and more. So like, did someone hand, like, I don't understand your story. Christy Harcalfa, Harcarafka.

Like, what do you mean? What was on this plastic covering, Christy? Oh, I know. Jizz! We're living in difficult times, and I think people really need to be careful. I've heard some type of liquids and other substances, but nothing like that. Well, lady, whatever your name is, it's jizz. Anyone who believes they're the victim of a crime is encouraged to call police.

Please speak out, tell somebody, report it to us. That's probably the hardest thing for a lot of victims to do is come forward. But we encourage you to at least talk to somebody and let us know, and we can investigate it from there and prosecute if necessary, Kelly advised. So that one, we had quotes. They interviewed, I like when they interviewed the ladies outside. And each one of them has their own little individual picture from the news story. They're like, ladies, how do you feel?

What do you think the liquid was? Like, well, Steve, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it was jizz. So don't go to the Kroger in Farmington Hills. The lesson to be learned here is there are dudes that are kicking some spunk on the ladies at the Kroger in Farmington Hills. and you may not want to go there. Remember the Swiss cheese masturbator in Philly? When I was in Philly, like when I first got there, one of the biggest stories was there was a guy driving around town jerking off with Swiss cheese. And like people would take his picture.

Like he'd be at a red light and there'd just be this fat dude just cranking it in this car with Swiss cheese. He was the Swiss cheese masturbator. I think that was one of the first stories I talked about that pissed off like McDougals. Then Angelo talked about it and it was okay. Okay, but I got on the air and talked about the Swiss cheese masturbator, and it was a whole to-do. They were like, wait a minute. Hey, who's this guy going to? We just want to talk about the birds.

Not some guy pounding off. Not some jit bag pounding off with cheese. But you have to acknowledge it's an interesting story. He was like Philly son of Sam. You know, like he'd hear a story every day like somebody else would have a report of this guy jerking off with cheese. like actually I was down there and I was on the boulevard and I just saw some bald guy in his car just cranking it with Swiss cheese

but I would imagine Swiss cheese is like the best cheese to it well if we're being fair I guess the best cheese to masturbate with would be like a melted cheese like a nacho cheese because I would imagine you're like you're not getting much lubrication from just your garden variety cheese like a normal like hard cheese like you know you're not going to get it like I understand they're holes in Swiss cheese. So I guess if you were going to masturbate with a non-liquid

cheese, Swiss cheese would be the best option because there are holes in it. And maybe that can provide some sort of pleasure. Maybe perhaps. Maybe possibly. It may possibly provide pleasure. But if you're going to masturbate with a cheese, cheese whiz, I think would be an option. I bet, dude, you want to tell me that McDougal doesn't want to jerk off with cheese whiz? Hey, I like to crank my hog, whizwit. Or, you know, like a nacho type of cheese. Ooh, and it'd be warm too. Surprise that's a crime that somebody hasn't committed. Like, you know,

going to like a 7-Eleven or a QT or, you know, the sheets or something like that and go in and just go to the nacho area and get warm cheese and just start cranking it right there in the Buckees. I'm shocked that we haven't seen more of that. Anyway, more to come.