The Josh Innes Show - Moronic Sexual Encounters

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

First off, the city of Kirkwood issued a boil water warning after I brushed my teeth. I plan on dying today. We have two stories of sexual encounters. One involves a former basketball star and one involves a guy at a mall. The lesson to be learned today is that being a horn dog makes you do some dumb ish. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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you closer to the things that matter to you. Because they matter to us too. Toyota. For what matters most. So today I'm brushing my teeth and I noticed that the water pressure is really low I'm like, I don't know something must be wrong with I don't know I don't know if it's just us or what I had to check like did I pay the bill like what the fuck is the deal? Why is the the water pressure so bad? So then I asked Jill is like, how's the water pressure? She's like, yeah My water pressure kind of sucks in the bathroom here too. And whatever. So I brush my teeth. Jillie brushes her teeth, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And

you know, I take Ross. It's been raining all day. So I took Ross over to PetSmart to go for a little stroll, you know. And I get a text from Jillie, and it's a screenshot of a post from the city of Kirkwood, Missouri. And that's the little town that we live in, Kirkwood, for the time being, hopefully not much longer, but we shall see. But this post, well, first of all, before that, Jilly had gone to the City of Kirkwood Facebook group

where people comment on things that vary from, you know, hey, I'm selling a used couch. Does anybody want it? To, hey, my son's mowing lawns for $25 a lawn if you need him, like that type of shit, you know? And this was from the actual news though, Channel 4. The city of Kirkwood is issuing an urgent boil advisory and canceling the day of school at several schools after a break in a water main on Thursday. So basically we were brushing our teeth in low water pressure because there was a water main break. There's also a boil advisory which says don't drink the tap water without boiling at first. Used boiled or bottled water for drinking,

brushing teeth, washing dishes, making ice, and food prep. So there you have it kiddos. So we sat there, we're brushing our teeth, gargling all this shit and we're probably gonna die. So that was a great way to start the day. Thank you city of Kirkwood. You could have sent out an email or something. I pay my bills through your online portal, the city of Kirkwood portal and everything. You could have shot out an email that said, hey, by the way, if you're still, if you still haven't brushed your teeth yet, don't brush your fucking teeth because, you know, the water's contaminated. Of course, nobody did that. So now that's how our day started. Anywho, let me do this. Let me play a couple commercials, and I've got two stories coming up that involve bad places to have sexual encounters.

Bad places to have sexual encounters. One involves a former professional athlete and one involves just some dude at the mall. So we're going to get into that after these words. All right, it's the playoffs, basketball playoffs right now and there is no better way to try to make a couple of bucks by putting your knowledge of hoops to the test than using pick six from DraftKings. You can turn that hoops knowledge into real cash and it's better than prize picks flex plays, bigger payouts than prize picks plays. So why not give it a shot? I use it. Jilly uses it. Let me tell you when she's hanging out and she's building these things, she's a wizard. I would text her. I would send her a DM and be like, Hey, who do I play on the pick

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Register at Ancestry.ca with just your name and email. No credit card details required. Free access ends May 13th. Terms apply. Alrighty, so the first one involves Byron Scott. Headline reads, former Laker star Byron Scott sued accused of sexually assaulting teen girl in 1987. Former NBA player and coach Byron Scott is facing a lawsuit from a woman who says he sexually assaulted her in 1987 during an event at her high school. The accuser was 15 at the time and Scott was

26. According to court documents obtained by USA Today Sports, the woman accuses the now 64-year-old Scott of sexual battery and false imprisonment. The original lawsuit was filed in 2022 under the California Child Victims Act, which extended the statute of limitations for childhood sexual abuse survivors to file civil claims. Scott sought to keep his name out of the documents and requested to use John Doe. And they said, the fuck you will, Byron Scott, former Hornets coach. We're going to know your story. But the story is like, like, I don't know what did or didn't happen. But the story itself, you'll hear it and you'll go, Byron, what the fuck,

bro? The lawsuit says the Lakers were visiting the accusers high school. So that's right. The Los Angeles Lakers were visiting a high school, Campbell Hall High School in Los Angeles, and they were filming instructional basketball videos in the gym and met with the parents and students and teachers. Well, this girl, Jane Doe here, she was taking summer classes at the school where she says she was sexually assaulted by Byron Scott in a locked janitor's closet.

Let me get the details on this story. Now Byron Scott says that he thought the client was 18 at the time, but she was actually 15. This is pretty, like the story itself, like, so here's part of this. Of course, he played for the Lakers for like a decade, and at one point, he was the leading scorer for the Lakers. So the story is basically that Byron Scott is being shown around the school

by this 15-year-old girl. Like, let's just assume she's 18 for the sake of this. You're 26, she's 18, you're married, you play for the Lakers, the most famous basketball team on the planet. You win three titles. You were their leading scorer one season. You're at a high school filming an instructional video and someone escorting you around the school. I mean, even if she said she's 18, you're a grown ass man at a high school and you try to bang somebody in the janitor's closet of a high school. You play for the Lakers. So

even if it was consensual, which our friend here says it was, Byron Scott says, this was a consensual thing and this gal says it was not. Basically, the situation was he tried to force her into forming oral genital stimulation upon him in a janitor's closet of a high school and she was like, no, thank you. I do not want that. That is not what I'm here for. Like he had taken off her top or whatever. Then eventually he's like, okay, she didn't want it. And Byron Scott has said something sexual did happen. And I'm not saying that, I don't know what happened. All I'm saying is you are a dude that plays for the most famous basketball team of all

time. You play for the Lakers. You play for the winningest organization of all time. You play for a team that was in the finals every year. You were their leading scorer one season. You can bang any chick on the planet. Look at Magic Johnson. Sounds like he did. You could do whatever you wanted in Glamorous Los Angeles. Yet you're at a high school and you're like, you know what? I'm being shown around the high school. I think this chick wants it. Boom, janitor's closet. Boom, blowies attempted. Like, what are you doing? Like, it just, it bothers me that some, like, the whole thing sounds like, I don't know if it did or didn't happen, right? And I'm not going to say this person's a liar or isn't a liar. I don't know. But again,

you are Byron Scott of the Lakers. Are you as famous as Magic Johnson? No. Are you as famous as Kareem? No. And I get it, you're powerful and you're probably horned out and you can bang whoever you want. But like, what's going through your mind when you're like, well, we're here at a local high school filming a basketball instructional video. Hey, can you show me around the empty school? Yeah, sure, Mr. Byron Scott of the Lakers. I would love to show you around the school. And the next thing you know, you're trying to bang, whether she's 18 or not, you're trying in your mind plow a high school student in a janitor's closet. I thought she was 18. You're at a high school. You're a grown ass man. Go to a club and bang somebody there. But no, not Byron Scott of the

Los Angeles Lakers. No, sir. Byron Scott of the Los Angeles Lakers has said, no, no, no. You know what I got on my mind mind I'm going to the high school to try to get my poon like brother what are you doing it's just like I don't know man and I get it like you're just kind of caught up in the whole thing of being famous and and maybe remember remember when James Worthy got was it James Worthy that got busted with the undercover cop hooker at the hotel in Houston? But even then you're like, that's just an adult trying to pay for sex. Leave the guy alone. Guy's got money, he's trying to get laid on the road instead of going out and trying to work for it, he paid for it. I'm fine with that. Like the fact that you

want to set some guy up on a prostitution thing like that, setting somebody up for the prostitution shit's bullshit. It's one thing if like it's a situation where it's like sex trafficking or something horrible like that. If there is somebody that wants to have sex with someone and they want to pay them for it and that person is willing to take it, then who gives a fuck? Quit trying to make a guy look bad. This is a story where a dude that plays for the Lakers and

is 26 years old and married is at a high school filming an instructional basketball video. First of all, why do you have to go to a, like you're the Lakers, why do you have to go to a high school to film an instructional drills video? But they did. And like, how does this initiate? Like, did she like give him signs? Like what exactly happened? And like, so like to think now if he's telling the truth and he thought she was eighteen was this like a Stacy at the point type of thing where he's like are you really eighteen and she's like yeah yeah I really am eighteen. You got a Carter. If you're going to try to have

sex with someone in a high school janitor's closet, you got a card on my guess. So Byron Scott's a fucking moron. I mean, look, even if he didn't commit sexual assault, which I don't know, I wasn't there, it was like 40 years ago, I have no fucking clue. Having sex with a high school student in a closet, a janitor's closet, when you're 26 is stupid. Now Now if you were out at the club, chicks 18, 19 years old, that's a different story. You're in a high school, Billy, high school, Billy. Alright, so there's number

one. Now another situation. Now when you hear the story initially, you're going to go, well, that sounds terrible. But when you think of the situation, it's actually kind of funny. A mall employee has been arrested and charged after he allegedly exposed himself to a teenage boy inside the bathroom at Oxford Valley Mall. Now, of course, the Oxford Valley Mall is in the Philadelphia area. I think I've been to the Oxford Valley Mall. That was what our weekends were. We would just take our dog to daycare and go to various malls

and go see movies and stuff. Where is the Oxford Valley Mall? Langhorn, Pennsylvania. Yep, I have been to the Oxford Valley Mall before. Is it still open? That doesn't look great, but I'm sure we've been there. But anyway, it's in Langhorn, Pennsylvania in Bucks County, Oxford there. But anyway, it's in Langhorn, Pennsylvania in Bucks County, Oxford Valley. So look, we went to all the malls. But anyway, so this story is out of Philadelphia. Now you hear that initially and you go, now wait a minute, something about this doesn't sound right. Why are we laughing at this situation? There's

a boy who got some creeper exposed his penis to a teenager in a mall bathroom. This, this is not good. Well, let's listen to the story. According to Pennsylvania court documents, 40-year-old Warren Schaefer was arrested and charged on Saturday, May 3rd for harassment, course of conduct with no legitimate purpose, indecent assault, forcible compulsion, disorderly conduct, hazardous fizzy off, and open lewdness. Reports say that Schaeffer allegedly walked into a bathroom stall occupied by a teenage boy and exposed

himself. Again, you're thinking, what a fucking creep. The dude that works at the mall walks into the mall, into the bathroom, and shows his penis to a teenage boy. But again, there's more to the story. The boy reportedly left the bathroom and told mall security about the incident. Reports state that Schaefer had mistaken the teenager for another man he met on a dating app. The man had reportedly made arrangements with Schaefer in

that very bathroom for a sexual encounter. So, again, it doesn't sound great when you hear guy at the mall who works at the mall exposes himself to teenager in bathroom. It changes the story a little bit when you hear that it's just a guy who thought he was going to fuck another guy that was consensual sex in the bathroom. Schaefer had reportedly worked at the mall at the JCPenney. Court documents show Schaefer has taken the Bucks County Correctional Facility bail, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So, again, I feel bad that this teen... I don't know how old the teenage boy was. I'm sorry that you had to see this 40 year old JCPenney employee's penis at the Oxford Valley Mall. That part

of it's not amusing, that is no good. No teenage boy should have to see the penis and shriveled up old ball sack of a 40 year old man who works at the JCPenney at the Oxford Valley Mall in Langhorn, Pennsylvania. That said, my man's intentions were not bad. My man's intentions were not to go in there and be like, hey kids, see this? Hey, Laker girls, and open up his coat. That was not his intention. He was going there to have a sexual tryst in the bathroom with someone that I assume he met at JCPenney. I think you need to work that whole situation out better though. Like you need to have a better plan. Like I feel like you could have knocked. Like maybe you're trying to keep the spontaneity of it, like to keep it hot. Like you're doing some like 50 shades of gray,

nine and a half weeks type shit. So maybe that's why you're doing it like you're trying to keep it all kind of like this is hot I'm just gonna bust in word to the wise if you're gonna try to just barge into a bathroom stall and have a sexual tryst with this person who you have agreed to meet with in a bathroom stall my name is empty if that's what you're trying to do, don't take your hog out until you confirm who the person in the stall is. Like I'm sure there's a way to keep it hot without just having to barge into a bathroom stall with your dick already out. Like I like that's a risk. Like what's going through your mind at that point friend like you gotta be like listen

This is hot. I'm gonna hook up with this dude He knows me from working at the JC penny I work inside the men's store at JC penny and this is exciting and he wants to get busy in the Bathroom at the Oxford Valley Mall. This is hot. This is a sexual tryst. I said that he met him online That how they said they met? Yes, so he met him on a dating app. So basically he met this guy in a dating app and was like, hey listen like it's kind of like when you hear a story about I'll be waiting at the park with a single red rose at the stroke of midnight, but in this case it was well there was a stroke involved

but I'm going to be waiting for you with my cock in my hand inside the dirty stall of the Oxford Valley Mall food court bathroom. Let us fuck. But brother, wait to pull your dick out until you confirm that your sexual partner is the one that's in the stall and not a teenage boy in the bathroom. Boy, imagine the feeling. I mean, look, I'm not trying to sympathize for the dude that had his dick out or anything, but imagine the feeling of like, shit, like you thought, man, I'm going to get laid today, like in a very sexual, like, okay, let me go back though. Like, there's, it's not even like a, like, fucking in a bathroom is already kind of, like, it's one thing if you're hammered and you're at a bar, and I've never done that, but I'm sure there are plenty of people who've banged in the bathroom of

a bar while hammered. Okay, fine. Hey, Josh Hamilton did. So, like, these things happen. But why would you just decide to meet up in the bathroom of the mall? Now, I guess if you're trying to be fair, I don't know what time of day this was, but I guess the mall is a pretty good place to go if you want to be left alone at like 11 o'clock in the morning. Ain't nobody there except mall walkers and apparently one poor teenage boy who happened to be in the bathroom. But like, did you think that other people weren't going to come in while you were banging this guy? Like there's a lot of questions I have like I feel like you should have just met up at like a hotel or like at a dressing room at the JC Penney like there's an idea you could have done it Bad Santa style

you won't shit right for a week like that type of deal but there was too much risk involved in meeting up and like should the guy have texted you and been like, hey brother, I'm not in the stall yet. Do not pull your hog out and walk into stall two. I repeat. I am not there if you see a pair of vans under the door that is a high school boy. It is not me do not stroke your pecker and open the door. Don't do it. I repeat, abort mission. Like in my mind, it's like forgetting Sarah Marshall at the beginning when like she comes home and he pulls off his towel and just, I got something for him to start shaking his peen all

around. And like this kid in the stall is like what the actual fuck? What is happening here? You gotta be smarter people. Byron Scott you can't go banging high schoolers in a gym in a janitor's closet at a high school and gentlemen at the Oxford Valley Mall if you're gonna bang somebody from a dating app in a bathroom at the Oxford Valley Mall, confirm that the person in the bathroom at the Oxford Valley Mall is the person you were supposed to meet to bang! Anyway, more to come.