The Josh Innes Show - NBA Is Back and PE Stories

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

The NBA is back. It is the one day that people will pay any attention. Why is it that the most passionate NBA fans look like they couldn't dribble a ball and walk at the same time? I don't know how we get here, but I discuss childhood PE class. Also, Taylor Swift is playing three shows in NOLA and the city is relocating the homeless for the occasion. God forbid the Swifties have to see hobo's who don't have friendship bracelets. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Howdy, Jemokes. What's happening? It's Josh and Jilly about five minutes after 11 on Wednesday night. Just watched a little NBA action, some college football action. It's opening night for a lot of the nba teams we watch the grizzlies because we are grizzlies fans doesn't mean i care about every regular season game doesn't mean that if they would have lost the world would have been over but hey they won the game and it was fun to watch and they're a fun team until they inevitably have john a bunch of dudes get hurt or suspended but at this very moment they're a fun team to watch and there was a shitload of points and it was cool and there you go big picture nobody's gonna give a shit

about the nba after today until about christmas and then after christmas nobody's gonna give a shit about the nba until after the super bowl i thought people cared about the uh the nba cup is it um if that's what they call it, that's the championship that the Lakers won last year and hung a banner for? I think that starts in like two weeks. Buckle up. Well, no one gives a shit.

So, like, they can try all they want. I commend them for trying to make their meaningless NBA regular season somewhat meaningful. But it's the opening day, and you've already got dudes sitting out, guys like Joel Embiid. I think Joel Embiid is a loser. I think he's never going to be a winning player. They're a first or second round team all the time.

The dude's never going to play back-to-backs ever again probably. So you can give him Paul George. You can give him whomever. Dude's a loser, and he's never going to win. Fine, whatever. The interesting thing about the NBA Cup is it's not all in a row. There's an NBA Cup game November 15th. But then the 17th, it's a regular game.

But then the 19th, it's the NBA Cup. Well, it's soccer shit. That's what the MLS does when they do the league's cup and shit like that. All these soccer leagues do that where like their season's happening then you'll see a random game they play and you're like oh wait why is uh like why are the portland timbers playing like pachuca out of the mexican league and you're like oh i see it's the leagues cop or whatever the hell they call it those are different teams like these are just all NBA teams. Well, no, sometimes the MLS teams will play other MLS teams too,

and the Mexican teams will play other Mexican teams. So it's not like you have to play the opposition. I don't believe. But, yeah, it's basically that. They're trying to go with the soccer approach. If you guys want to steal ideas from soccer and American sports, here's my idea. Relegation.

If you want teams to actually give a shit about playing games, relegation. Because imagine you're like the Pittsburgh Pirates of the last 25 years or the Royals of most years in the last quarter century, where you're arguably the worst team in baseball every year and you don't even try to win. Well, you might try a little bit more to win if you you were pressed with a scenario where being at the bottom of the league means you're in the pacific coast league now instead of major league baseball instead of flying charter flights your fucking team has to ride a bus to birmingham then maybe you would do that we'll never do that here in american sport but like the saints should be on the verge of relegation right now. The Panthers, the Browns, shitty, unwatchable, bad teams should

be on the verge of being relegated to the UFL or the USFL or whatever league, the San Antonio Brahmas coached by Wade Phillips, by the way, uh, whatever league that is there in that St. Louis puts in 30,000 people to watch out of spite, whatever that league is called, UFL, then you should be relegated to that and your salary should have to drop and your revenue should have to drop because you move down to a shittier league. In American sport, we need to get to this. In particular, in the sports like basketball that have 82 games where players like don't give a shit half the time and baseball where players like because of the the money involved a lot of teams aren't even putting forth an effort to attempt to win baseball games then

you should have to be playing against the memphis redbirds you should have to play against the sugarland skeeter cowboys or whatever the fuck they're called you should have to play against the Sugarland Skeeter Cowboys or whatever the fuck they're called. You should have to be playing. Skeeter Cowboys. Whatever the hell they're called. The Skeeters. The Space Cowboys. The Space Cowboys.

You should have to play that team in the hooks. You should be demoted to being part of the Corpus Christi hooks. Or even if you don't want to do that, if you want to keep your minor league system in check and still, then they should create a new league. And that new league should exist to be the demotion league where like a handful of teams have to play against each other in a shitty like they get moved down I guess into the same league as some of the minor league teams but you move them down there'd obviously be a conflict there because maybe your team gets demoted you can't you don't want to play against

your minor league team but either way football may not need that because football is at least somewhat competitive and you can fix things relatively quickly basketball players sit out and rest for the plus but what i think is a real trip is that losers like joelle and bead like rest for the playoffs then they always fucking lose in the playoffs like it'd be one thing if you were a team that got to the playoffs and every year you're like all right here we are we're in the finals again you're the Sixers you suck and the other thing is like basketball fascinates me because like basketball's fan base is an interesting fan base because it's quite global Chinese people like china

loves basketball like a lot of these places you know and because of people like um uh like just because of so many foreign players all those countries those foreign players come from love basketball and there's a bunch of places where basketball is huge and that's great but a lot of the most vocal american basketball fans are dudes who do not look like they would even have the ability to dribble a basketball like but they love to talk shit about basketball like most of us grew up playing some form of sport but i think this new era of people, especially basketball fans, are hipsters. They wear skinny jeans. They love people like Daryl Morey. And they love to talk about bird rights and contracts and shit that the average person doesn't care about.

And they don't look like people who would even have the ability to even like to walk and dribble a basketball. Now, what you might be saying is, Josh, look at yourself. Well, I don't know if you knew this. Josh Ennis played four years of high school basketball, my friend, not trying to brag, but these are just the facts. Okay. And I did.

So I at least have an idea of it. I've done it. I've played it the number of nerds out there basketball fan nerds are the worst because again they're stat driven they're analytics driven they love to talk about pick and roll and they love to tell you that basketball players of 1995 would never have a chance against these dudes that shoot 14 threes a game they love to undermine the past eras of basketball it's all well they love to tell you that larry bird actually sucked like those type of people and they're really annoying and their jeans are extremely tight

and their glasses are extremely black and plastic and like that they have like haircuts that are extremely shaved on the side and then like combed over on the top and like they all look like Gordon Hayward and it's like that's what they do and this is for them regular season basketball is for those people but then they'll also be the first to tell you that their favorite player sitting out like five games in a row for, you know, rest is cool. It's fine. I don't care. And that's why basketball doesn't interest me that much. Although I did make a parlay for tonight's game for the Grizzlies and I missed winning $600 by one goddamn rebound. So, but either way, that's how I view it. Now I never played football. Like I played a lot

of backyard football growing up and all that shit but like I never played football yet I think I have a decent knowledge of the game of football not the same that someone who played it has but I have a decent knowledge of the game I feel like the people that are the most diehard fans of basketball are the people that have zero chance to have ever actually played it competitively or anything like that speaking of which there's a guy who plays for the grizzlies what is this gentleman's name huff something huff jay huff just so his name is J-A-Y? I believe so. There's a gentleman by the name of Jay Huff. He's like a seven-foot-tall white dude. He's not this dude, Zack Eady, that they just drafted that's like 11 feet tall

and I don't think seems to be very good at basketball, but he's gigantic and they drafted him in the first round and they hope he can set screens and rebound. He looks like the kind of guy based on his build that's going to end up like Yao and he's going to have like a thousand stress fractures in his feet and maybe he'll be good at basketball but his injuries are going to sideline him that'll be my bold prediction about eight foot tall Zach Eady but this guy Jay Huff who I'd never heard before, he comes into the game for the Grizzlies. I say, Jilly, who the fuck is this guy? She says, that's Jay Huff. Jay Huff looks like the guy at the rec center or the Jewish rec center or the YMCA that sets really fucking intense screens on you and fouls you really hard and doesn't really

possess a lot of ability but like you play against I'm like you're a young dude and you go to the rec center and you're like I don't think this dude's got a shot against me this old man and then this old man has like old man bald wears a headband like high socks sweating profusely on a hairy chest back and shoulders and you think this guy can't play at all and then all this dude does is sets the most vicious aggressive screens on you and every time you try to call a foul he calls you a bitch and you're like holy shit this dude's tough as fuck. That's what this dude looked like. Jay Huff, giant bald spot on top of his head.

Like a LeBron type bald spot, like a white guy LeBron bald spot. Big beard. And all this dude did was sat at the top of the key and drilled threes. I think he made two but he attempted like four or five it was like watching me as a boy at brulee high school sitting at the top of the key not even thinking the second the ball came to you're like if i think if i take time to think about the fact that i'm going to shoot this i probably won't shoot it so what do i do i shoot that motherfucker and bang bang bang three threes in a row me jay huff deal with

it what was the quote you said earlier that if leggings had existed when you were playing basketball you'd still be playing oh yeah i think that's the difference between whites of this era and a bygone era i think white guys like myself if we would have had those compression tights like these dudes now i think that changes the game and whatever that weird tape like these dudes now, I think that changes the game. And whatever that weird tape is, these dudes put on their shoulders that apparently helps their shoulder. Like Jimmy Harden used to wear it all the time. Like you see this tape. I don't know what it does. There's no way in hell you can convince me that it actually does anything. But these dudes have this black tape that goes down their shoulders, down like half of their arm. And you're like, okay, that helps nothing. But if we would have had that and we would have had leggings when I was in high school

and one foot of mine wasn't smaller than the other due to the fact that I broke it when I ran over my foot on a four-wheeler when I was a kid, I may still be playing now. Like I'd be like white LeBron. They'd be like, well well here's Josh Ennis he's in year 20 of his NBA career and he and his son Joshy are making shit happen on the court what a historic day this is Josh and Joshy out here on the court father and son balling but alas we didn't have the compression pants that you wear under your shorts and we didn't have the compression pants that you wear under your shorts, and we didn't have the black tape that you put on your shoulder, and one of my feet is slightly smaller than the other, and one leg is slightly shorter than the other because I broke the growth plate on my ankle when I was 10 years old. And that really set my sports career back in a big way.

I feel as though I was on the fast track. I was going to be the starting first baseman for Williamson Kennedy Elementary School when I was in fourth grade. Again, not trying to brag. And there were also like eight kids that came out for the team. But it doesn't matter. Williamson Kennedy Elementary School, the final year of its existence in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, a big brick three-story building, didn't even have a gym. We would have to watch. If it rained and we couldn't

go outside and play we had to go into the cafeteria and watch sweating to the oldies richard simmons baby that's what we did and we had a the the coach they had like one pe coach and he coached all the sports his name was coach strickland and he had some weird deformity with his arm i don't know if he had a stroke or what, but his arm was extremely skinny and his hand kind of balled into a fist and like kind of jutted out and his arm was like stuck next to his body. So he had one arm that worked, one arm that didn't. He talked like this and he was coached Strickland. And if it didn't rain, we'd go outside and play kickball or tetherball. How did you feel about tetherball? I don't think I've ever played tetherball. You've never played tetherball?

You know what I'm talking about, though. The thing with the Napoleon Dynamite? Like a Napoleon Dynamite. You never played tetherball? No. Shit was intense, man. Dude, do the kids today still play tetherball? It's a beautiful sport.

It teaches you about life. But we had a tetherball. I think we had a tetherball. I think we had a basketball goal outside. And we had a little baseball area that was on rocks, right? It was on like pebbles and shit. And you'd play kickball. And we had one PE teacher, and that was Mr. Strickland. And then he also coached sports that we had. And we had a baseball team. And I was supposed to be the starting first baseman. And then my life got derailed when I ran over my own foot on a four-wheeler and broke the growth plate in my ankle. And I had to have a

cast that was bent at the knee for like seven months. And I was on crutches. And anywhere I'd go, I'd fall like these crutches. These kids today have it way too easy with their crutches too. They get to scoot around on these little fucking scooters now we didn't have that you know what you had crutches and you know what hurt having the rubber of the fucking crutches up under your armpits and like under your tit fat and it was awful and i'd go into like a mc i'd go to like walmart with my dad and i'd be on crutches and the fucking rubber would slip on the floor and i'd fall and it was miserable. Did you not get to use like the motorized carts? Did those not exist at the time? Oh, they did.

But my dad's like, your ass isn't sitting in that fucking cart. And so I didn't. So I'd be there. My knee was bent. And I think my mom resented me when I broke my ankle because I did it doing something she told me not to do. So I think my mom felt no sympathy for me because I was living with her at the time when I broke my ankle.

And her husband at the time was a guy named David. And I uh, and I was like, I think I can drive a four wheeler. He's like, have you ever done it before? I was like, no, but I have a power wheels like, Oh, a real four wheeler versus a fucking power wheels. So I had no idea what I was doing. I accelerated too much. And then like, as a habit of like, sometimes on a bicycle, you'll put your leg down. My foot literally got caught underneath this four wheeler and broke on the growth plate. So it caused my foot. It's, I didn't really know it impacted me for a long time, but I think one foot is slightly smaller than the other. And that set my, my sports down a path of mediocrity where I think had I had a full-on foot, I think I would have excelled in a major way,

and maybe I'd be, you know, who knows where I'd be now. May I have been All-State? I don't know. Look, I'm a big what-if guy. You guys know I'm a big what-if guy. What if I don't run over my foot? What if I play first base for the Williamson-Kennedy Bears or whatever the fuck they were?

And look, what if I became a bopper? And who knows? I don't know. I don't know what would happen. Maybe big things. Maybe no things. You could have been Big Puddin'. I could have been Big Puddin'.

I could have. Look, the difference between me and Big Puddin', of course, is that Big Puddin' was kind of short and fat. I was like tall and fat. I would have been like Matt Adams. I was left-handed fat tall white power i could have been matt adams but alas i'm not but instead you're unemployed jamoke i'm an unemployed jamoke laying in my underpants in my bed holding this microphone talking about my glory days and how i just lost a bet on the NBA. I'm like Mr. Destiny.

You ever see Mr. Destiny? Yeah, I think I remember the name. That's the one where the other Belushi with Jim Belushi, according to Jim, like doesn't hit the home run when he's a kid. Yeah. And it sets his whole life into like this negative course. But then like he gets a chance at a redo of it. And like it turns out he hits the home run.

And then like his whole life is like cooler because then he's got a hot ass wife and like he's his parents are rich and it fucking rules like that very well could have been me had I not run over my own foot like I probably maybe I would have been in the show I don't know listen to your mom oh I should have and I think she resented me for that because I had like this was a serious thing i had to go from arkansas to have like a then i think we went to st louis to have this surgery then i had pins in my ankle and when they had to remove those motherfuckers not a good experience uh but uh anyway i was reading a story about how they're they're having to relocate the homeless people what is the name for what is like the politically correct term for

homeless people now unhoused unhoused so there's a bunch of unhoused people that are like around the superdome and touristy spots in in new orleans and the mayor and the governor and shit they're making these people they're finding new places for these people just so they're not there when taylor swift comes to town. That sounds about right. Like Saints game. Ah, fuck it. There's homeless people.

Let them do what they want. But holy shit. Taylor's coming to town for three nights and we can't let Taylor, this idealistic liberal dipshit, see that there are hobos hanging out in our decrepit, dying, decaying city. Guys, relocate.. Guys, relocate. If you can relocate. I think it's more so the fact that they're afraid of the fans being stupid. The Taylor fans are not what you would call street smart. Probably not.

They're stupid, and they would go up to these homeless guys and then try to convince them not to do the drugs and just give them friendship bracelets, and then they'd probably get stabbed. Look, I'm on the hobo side i'm rooting for the hobo in that situation but they um so yeah that's what they're dealing with in new orleans like like i love it there's they're like there's gonna be so many tourists here and so many little little dainty little white girls who have no idea about the way the real world works and they vote for people based on the fact that a celebrity tells them to do

it. And they didn't know who Travi was, but now Travi's the greatest man ever. Like I'm telling you, those Swifties are going to wander into the wrong part of New Orleans. Yeah. And I'm here for it. They're probably got Airbnbs and all sorts of places.

They don't know how the real world works. These people like shine and rainbows, the most difficult thing they've ever had to deal with is the times that Taylor's been broken up with. That's the most difficult thing. When mother has been dumped by Jake Gyllenhaal. That's her most difficult thing that that Kara who's going to the show. She's 35. You know, the hurricane that killed a bunch of people. Oh, my God god is it going to

affect the taylor swift miami show it's like this is what we're worried about these are important questions so these girls don't know the hard knock life and the mean streets of new orleans and i think she's playing three shows there which is pretty fucking remarkable to play an 80 000 i'm guessing with concerts they're probably 70 or 80 000 i, the tickets are like minimum like $1,000. People say the economy is just doing terrible or whatever, and we're in the worst economy ever. Obviously not if you're some little fucking white girl that likes Taylor Swift because you keep finding the money.

It's like when people tell you that the country is trillions of dollars in debt, and you're like, I don't really see it. Well, it's like this. It's like the economy sucks. It's the worst economy we've ever had. It's amazingly bad. Terrible economy. Unless you're a middle-class white girl who somehow finds thousands of dollars.

That's right. Thousands of dollars to go to the Taylor Swift show. It's incredible. Did you see the Billy Joel Taylor Swift shirt he was wearing? Yeah, I think it said... Hold on. Don't tell me. Because I saw the picture it um

it wasn't i don't know it wasn't like a 22 thing was it i don't know about you but i'm something no it was age wise oh um me hi i'm the old it's me well whatever i've seen taylor swift in concert it was a lovely time back when she made good music not when she made shitty music and that was before you he too got friendship bracelets oh well that's nice good for him

so yeah