The Josh Innes Show - No One Cares About Actual Journalism

Episode Date: June 27, 2025

You know that one of my favorite things is the "Winners and Losers" stories on USA Today. It's truly the laziest version of "journalism" on the planet. Anywho, there is a real doozy today. Also, this leads to a rant about how no one actually cares about real journalism in sports anyhow. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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buzzer beater shootout walk off and Absolutely every play in between is amazing from football to basketball and hockey to baseball Whatever the moment it's never ordinary at bet 365 must be 19 or older Ontario only Please play responsibly if you or someone you know has concerns about gambling visit connects ontario.ca If you or someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca. So, I don't know why I find this so funny, but almost every day we talk about this. That on USA Today there is a winners and losers story about everything. NBA draft, winners and losers, random baseball game on a Tuesday in June. Who are the winners and losers from this?

There's always a winners and losers story, right? But not today. No sir. You will not find a winners and losers story today. But what you will find is a story about how one situation had only losers. There were only losers that come from this and that is headline, there are only losers in the aftermath of Justin Tucker's NFL suspension well no shit find me the winners please like there are no winners like let's just say this dude is the serial masturbator that he is portrayed to be then all the people that had to watch this guy jerk off or whatever the fuck the story was, they are losers in that. Even though

this guy is no longer playing with the Baltimore Ravens, it's still a losing situation for these gals that they had to be, you know, jizzed around by Justin Tucker, right? Justin Tucker is no longer a kicker for the Ravens. The Ravens no longer have a kicker. There. Good job. I will actually give USA Today credit for this. They're like, listen, we need a... Guys, we really need you to pump out those winners and losers stories. I want to believe that the editor of USA Today Sports is reaching out to Nate Davis. He's like, Nate, listen, I need you. We really need a winners and losers story because we have a grades story for the NBA draft. We've got NBA draft tracker grades for every second round pick. We've got that. But I don't have

a winners and losers story for today and I need one. It's like, well, Nate Davis, what can you do for us? Hold on. Let me play a couple commercials. Get to Toronto's main venues like Budweiser Stage and the new Rogers Stadium with Go Transit. Thanks to Go Transit's special online e-ticket fairs, a $10 one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel on any weekend day or holiday, anywhere along the Go network. And the weekday group passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network, starting at $30 for two people and up to $60 for a group of five. Buy your online Go Pass ahead of the show at GoTransit.com slash tickets. He says, Nate Davis, what can you do for

us? This is crunch time. This is nut cutting time. This is shit or get off the pot. We're about to go to print and I need you to give me a winners and losers story from something because this publication cannot exist in its online form if we do not have a winners and losers story about something. Well, was there a big significant event that happened other than the draft yesterday? No, there wasn't. It was just random throwaway baseball games, middle of June baseball games, WNBA that didn't involve Kaitlyn Clark or Angel Reese fighting each other or some chick pulling another chick's hair. We need winners and losers and we need them now.

Where can you find something? He says, well, let me see here. Jake Paul has a title shot or will he get a title shot? Well there's no winners and losers there because nothing happened yet. Okay shit. I mean there's Justin Tucker and like he'd get massages and jerk off and stuff like we could do that. But who's the win and he just lost his job.

He's like well there's no winners but hear me out if we really need something We can just talk about how everyone's a loser in this situation To which his editor is like you're on to something Nate. This is something new and innovative We've never heard of anything like this before you want to tell me that everyone's a loser I've heard the concept that everyone's a winner. I've heard that song, everyone's a winner baby. Who is that? Is that Hot Chocolate? Who sings that song, right? But I've never heard that everyone loses. So you're going to tell me that there are no winners in the aftermath of Justin Tucker's NFL suspension.

Actually, technically, I guess they didn't, did they drop him or no? I don't know if they actually cut him. I guess I should read the story. But nope, there are only losers. Oh, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I take it back, I take it back. Whoa, wowsers, whoa, well, blow me down.

Actually, when you click on the story, there's a different headline and it says Winners at least the headline winners and losers of Justin Tucker's NFL suspension Sorry, there are only losers here says Nate Davis What like journalism is so dead that it's adorable, man. Like it is holy shit. Like guys, we cannot go another day without a winners and losers story. This is what people come to depend on us for. We must give the people what they demand. They demand winners and losers. But I'm wondering, like perhaps we're in a situation here is like maybe this situation is that people just click on these stories more than anything.

Obviously, the easiest thing, the most palatable thing for people is something that's cut and dry like who won and who lost in a situation. So perhaps that's what people do. They click on these stories so much that the outlets are like, well, shit, I guess we got to keep pumping out these stories. You know what I'm saying? We got to make sure that they get what they demand and what they demand is more winners and losers. I also though I appreciate that Nate Davis apologized to people.

He's like, listen, guys, I know you came here for winners and losers. I know that you came here for me to tell you who won and who lost in this Justin Tucker jerk-off saga and Suspension story and all this shit, but I'm not gonna give you any winners cuz nobody wins What was there was a country song called nobody wins who say was that how catch him no Nobody wins We both lose. Hearts get broken and love gets bruised. And I had like that same old fuse again and again. Let's see how good ChatGPT is. I'm going to sing this song and see if ChatGPT can tell me what it is.

Nobody wins, we both lose, hearts get broken and love gets bruised. Alright, now let's see if they can tell me what that was. Alright, what's, will the, tell me who sings this, what is ChatGPT? Nope, nope, nope, that is not. Nope, that is not what that is. That line is from the song Just Give Me a Reason. I know the song Just Give Me a Reason by Pink featuring Nate from Fun. I know that because I love that fucking song. And Chatgy BT, I have stumped you because that is not it. Let's see. No, there's no, there's literally

nothing that is not that line. Here's the full lyric from that part Nothing is as bad as it seems will come clean. Just give me a reason just a little bits enough Just a second when I broke in just bend we can learn to love again That is not that song you sons of Chad GPT. I have stumped you I'm glad that you can tell me the size relay You know the relation in size to an aunt to a refrigerator how it relates to a person But you can't tell me this damn song hold on. I'm gonna try it again. I'm gonna sing a different part Nobody wins slamming doors. I

Don't know the rest of it there. I don't want to nobody wins slamming doors Let's see if that's if it gives it to me that lyric nobody wins is from the song nobody wins by Radney Foster We both lost this fight before and I won't play that game no bore cuz nobody wins bang chat GPT You totally redeemed yourself. Although you were not even close on that Pink song, which is a great God, I love that fucking song so much. God, that's a good song. Pink, another example of someone who if they knew me on a personal level, would think I was the biggest son of a bitch on the planet and would hate me. But musically, I fucking love Pink. Oh boy, she's got some bangers in there. She did a version of that song from The Greatest Showman that was

pretty good. Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams or something something diddly do. Boy, that's good shit. I like pink. She seems awful. But I really like her musically. But anyway, winners and losers of Justin Tucker's NFL suspension. Let's read a few lines from this. It's okay. This gets better. Winners and losers. They so often provide an informative, analytical, and even fun framing device whenever notable NFL news occurs, whether it's the aftermath of a big game trade draft, you name it, there are typically two sides

of a coin. Thank you for explaining the concept of your lazy hacky bit where you take something and find winners and losers. Thank you, Nate Davis." That wasn't the case Thursday when the league issued a 10-week suspension to former Ravens kicker Justin Tucker, whose banishment takes effect August 26, whether or not the free agent is employed by then. And yeah, some rookie you've never heard of will probably benefit from the fact that Baltimore

had already cut ties with Tucker, created an opening job to compete for in training camp, but there are no winners from this sad saga. There most definitely losers though and they are as follows and then he lists them in their own individual thing it is a winners and losers story about a guy getting suspended by the league for jerking off on people while he was getting massages boy so just if you were, Justin Tucker is one of the losers in this, and the first sentence of that is just, duh. Let's see, other losers, the Baltimore Ravens, no shit. So we've done Baltimore and we've done that.

So now we're going to do the gals that got jerked off on. Let's see. The victims, wow, and that's the story. So here are the...holy shit! Like my god, it's amazing what passes off as journalism in this shit. It is fascinating. Who are the winners and losers of kicker loses his long time job because he jerks off during massage sessions allegedly? Well, the jerker offer that lost his job the team that lost the kicker and the jerked off on they are all losers in this Situation and there you have it. Thanks USA Today

You really bring the fire with your your great journalism and your great work The world is so wild. It's amazing. It's incredible as it relates to journalism. That's right big J journalism like we like again. I'm not a journalist I'm a dipshit that sits in his underwear and records a podcast and may eventually end up on the radio someday Who knows right like that's who I am. I am NOT a journalist Although I have done some things that you would go Wow, that's something that a real journalist could do like I've interviewed some people and done a pretty good job with it I've covered real stories. I've covered hurricanes when I was a younger guy getting into this business, so I've done some shit, but that's not who I am I'm a guy that gets on the this podcast and talk shit and says filthy things like filth floor and floor and filth

And that's what I do. So I'm not a journalist but journalism as it stands now particularly in sports is Just like a dead end road. Like I don't really like Pablo Torrey because I just dislike him because of this stupid, almost like witch hunt of Bill Belichick's girlfriend, which you won't hear much about anymore, but I thought that was just a terrible look because I don't think it was that big of a deal that, you know, the Bill Belichick's fucking some younger chick. So I really dislike Pablo Torre. I also dislike a lot of the people associated with the Lebatard universe because I think they are holier-than-thou

sanctimonious puds that always look miserable. So like I don't really like them but Pablo Torre apparently has some story where he's trying to like kind of unearth this this collusion between the league to lower guaranteed salaries for players and there's like players involved and like they're trying to make it this huge story and you've got pro football talk trying to make it a huge story. You've got all these people and in reality the average person doesn't give a shit. The average person like the reason why people aren't blowing you over this story is because the average person doesn't care because the average person doesn't care what a player makes. Does it impact what happens on the

field? If it impacts what happens with my team, then I will care. Do I care deep down that allegedly some owners were hobnobbing with each other and playing grab-ass and trying to find ways to lower guaranteed salaries for certain players. We really don't because they make so much money anyway that we can't even really relate to it. Is that fair? Maybe not, but is it reality? Yes, it is. So that's kind of how these things go, right? But I'll give Pablo Torre some form of credit, like he's at least trying some form of, you know, gotcha type of like find a story, unearth a story. The problem is nobody gives a shit. It's kind of like when people unearth the concussion stuff, the average person pearl clutched

over the concussion stuff and was like, Oh my God, we've got to do something to help these guys. But then at the end of the day, we're like, we're still going to watch football and you made the choice to fucking play and you knew the risks. So fuck off. Like everybody's mom knew that football was dangerous from the beginning of time. How did these guys not know that their heads could get rattled playing football? Like we don't deep down in places we don't talk about it, parties, we don't care about this kind of shit. We don't care how it impacts the health of players. We don't care about how it impacts the finances of players. We're trying to live our lives and be healthy and try to survive. We don't care. We just want to go out there and watch you mangle each other on Sunday or Saturday or Thursday or

Christmas or Thanksgiving or whatever. That's why we do it. We don't care. So like I'll give Pablo Torrey credit for trying to do something that's better than, you know, winners and losers of a guy jerking off on Massage Therapist story. I'll give him credit for that. But deep down, I don't think people care. I don't think people want these kinds of stories. Here's what people want. People want to rail and yell about racial stories, and they want to rail and yell about Trump, and that's the kind of shit, political shit. That's what people want to yell about. They don't care that some football player maybe got a couple million dollars less than he should have and that the owners colluded about it. They don't care. They care about race. They care about politics.

They care about that kind of shit. That's what people yell about on the internet and they're still going to watch the games on Sundays whether or not Lamar Jackson or somebody else got a couple million dollars less because the owners are dickheads. Anywho, more to come.