The Josh Innes Show - Nubbins Murdered A Guy Part 3

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

Now let's try to understand Nubbin's life story. How did Nubbins become this handy with the steel? How did Nubbins become a great cornhole player? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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How does one decide to get into a vehicle driven by somebody with no legs and hands? Although, I mean, the argument could be made that, like, there are cars that are basically driven by, you know, robots now. So what is the difference, right? Like, there are people getting into cars that are, there's nobody in the car except you. And you're, you say, Jesus, take the wheel. Or, you know, robots take the wheel or science take the wheel. Certainly not Jesus at that point. That's like the opposite of Jesus, really.

So then there's that question. Then how did he get the body out of the car? Who helped him out? There's no way this little nubbin fellow was able to pick this dude up and get him out of the car. I mean, I guess in theory he could have pushed the dead body out of the car, but it sounds like it ended up on a lawn. It's never too early to plan your summer. story in Europe with WestJet

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Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember 988, Canada's suicide crisis hubline. It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 988 suicide crisis helpline is funded by the government in Canada. So many questions, man.

Just like fascinating story. As we talked about earlier, you know, people like to disparage this great country that we call home. Most of us at least. I don't know. Maybe some of you were listening in like, you know, Pakistan or something. I don't fucking know. But this country that we call home, okay? People like to disparage us and they say, ah, your countries, you got a pedophile, all this shit.

Okay. You guys are all fucking stupid and all this shit. People like to talk a lot of shit about the good old U.S. of A. But let us not forget that I've never heard a story of Chinese, Japanese, Brazilian, Pakistani, Irish. Never heard a story of somebody with no legs or hands shooting another person. That friends is impressive. That friends shows that we're still on the come-up. Don't let anybody lie to you. Don't listen to your liberal friends. Don't listen to Keith Olberman.

Don't listen to anybody on MSNBC. Don't listen to Don Lemon. Don't listen to any of them. Don't listen to Bruce Springsteen. Don't listen to that son of a bitch. Do not despair. The Calvary is coming. Don't listen to any of them.

Because they're wrong. And if anybody tells you that America, is not on the come up. They're wrong. We've excelled in hockey, which used to be dominated by Canada. We let another country win at baseball because we're benevolent. And now we've got quadruple amputee people that are capable of shooting people. So, all the Chinese and everything you can have, oh, I got into an Ivy League school. Good for you. I'm happy for you.

Congrats. Last time I checked, I've seen no Chinese people with no hands or no legs shooting people. And you know what it is? It's really about the resolve and spirit of the American man is what it really comes down to. It's about resolve. It's about not letting your spirit die. You know, you might have lost your legs and you might have lost your arms. I don't know if he lost these or if like he was just born this way, Gaga style.

I have no idea. That's not for me to know. I don't know this guy's life. But I do know that he's had to figure this shit out. And my man went out there and he said, you know what? I bet. He's like Rudy. He's like a nubbins Rudy is what he's like.

And everybody told him he couldn't do it. Everybody. His dad, his brother. He's like, you know what I want to do? Dad, I'm going to play cornhole professionally. And you know what his dad said? He said, you're not going to play cornhole professional. You have nubbins.

You're not going to make it. And he said, eat shit, dad. I will. And he said, no, son, I just don't believe you can make it. You're going to do whatever job I've done in my life and you're going to follow in my foot shit. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. He said, no, dad, fuck you.

I got dreams. He's like, no, you're going to sit around and you're going to do nubbing things your whole life. Fuck you, dad. And then his brother, Carl, his brother is like, yeah, he's not going to make it. And then, like, they all go to the bars and stuff. And, like, his dad and his brother Carl are all hanging out together at the bar. And, like, they drink a little bit and as they drink, like, they start making fun of him even more. They're like, hey, everybody, there's my son.

He's going to be a professional cornhole player. Bligity, blue. And everybody at the bar is laughing. My man's over here incapable of bouncing. balancing himself on a stool so he falls off multiple times. He's like, fuck you, dad, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make this shit. I'm going to make something to myself.

And he goes, hey, why don't you come over and play some shuffleboard with us? And he goes, Dad, you know I can't play fucking shuffleboard. But I could be a professional cornhole player. And he goes, yeah, I'll believe that when I say, hey, whenever you become a professional cornhole player, I'll be your cornhole caddy. And he says, all right, dad, you fucking won. watch. And then his mom is also, she's a believer. She's not doubting. She believes. But deep down, she knows, she's like, oh, he ain't going to be a cornhole player. But she tells

him that, because mom loves him. Because she might as well, she shit him out. So she loves him. And then he goes, you know what? I'm going to get my legs under me. And when I do, I'm going to become a great cornhole player. And the dad's like, But you ain't got no legs, Lieutenant Day. And he's like, fuck you again, dad. I'm going to make this shit. I'm going to make something of myself. And I'm going to make the family proud. And when I make it and you, now you love me, because I'm rich and I wear fine jewels and I wear fancy linens and shit. You know what's going to happen?

I'm going to say, fuck you, dad. You get nothing, nothing. As dad says, fine. In my mind, they're from like an industrial mining town, some West Virginia mining town. His dad's a minor. Some shit like that. His dad's got the black lung. And he's like, fuck you, dad.

I'm going to make it. I'm going to get out of this town. I'm just a steel town nub on a Saturday night. Looking to play some cornhole. He's a nubiak, nubiak on the... Imagine this guy trying to do the flash dance. He tries to pull the little water down on himself and he can't. Yet somehow he can shoot a gun.

It's remarkable. What we're experiencing here is truly remarkable. And this is a great feat. F, not F, E, E, T, you get the point. But then he makes it. He gets out of his shithole town where his dad's got the black lung and his brother Carl's a real dickhead who married the chick that he knocked up in high school and they hate each other. And his mom, you know, she's the nicest one, but she's also a bitch and she's addicted to drinking and shit. Only joy she gets.

Her only pleasures are playing bingo at the VFW hall on Wednesdays. She's got a whole little special custom-made bag for her. her dobbers. And then he says he finally gets the call because he's out there training hard. He's like going hard in the training process. Just like Rudy. Like every day he's out there.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun da. He's going to do the whole process. He's out there like throwing bags and shit on a nightly basis. And he's like, I'm doing the best I can and I'm trying and he's like sweating and shit. He's out there in the rugged West Virginia. I don't even know if he's from West Virginia. But he's got he's out there in the rugged West Virginia. muggy summers.

And he's just out there trying to do the best. He's doing the best he can. And dun-da-dun-dun-dun-da-dun-da-dun. Bliggity-blue. And then, like, he's out there grinding. And he's trying to make the cut. He's trying to make the cut on the circuit. He's trying to make the circuit.

And then finally, one day he gets the call to big... Well, actually, no, take that back. Then, like, on... Like, sometimes on special holidays and, like, different theme nights at bars, he'll go out and he'll toss some bags. And he wants to try to join a team. and he nubbins on in there and he's like hey boys you mind if i join and like this fucking guy this nugget over here the fuck but then someone finally gives you a shot and you start making

cornhole shots like a fucking wizard and they're like you know and like one guy actually believes you he becomes your best friend that's germane and germane's your best friend because he knows what it's like to be oppressed because he's in west virginia and he's black so he gets it He understands what it's like to be oppressed. So he's like, guess fucking what? I'm on your side. I believe in you every goddamn day. And even the days that were super hard,

you know what happened when you're out there with your nubbins and the bag's not going in the hole like it should. You're like, I don't give a shit. And Jermaine, you're like, Jermaine, I want to fucking quit. And Jermaine's like, listen here, pal. I can't let you quit. I love you too goddamn much and you've come too goddamn far to quit.

And you're not going to quit on my fucking watch. I can't do it, Jermaine. There are things I can't do. There are just certain things I can't do. I can't become a professional cornhole player and I can't masturbate. He's like, look, I can't help you with the second part. You're right. You can't masturbate.

You have no hands. And you're not flexible enough to use, well, you don't have feet either. So you can't monkey masturbate either. You got nothing. You're two and a half foot, nothing. A hundred and nothing. You don't have a ounce of physical ability in your whole, nubby body.

But I believe in you. And why do I believe in you? Because I'm your best fucking friend, Germain. And I'm going to see you do good. And you're going to go out there and you're going to bring your little fucking nubs out there. And you're going to do it. And then one day they're out there and like for whatever reason there's like open tryouts for professional cornhole. It comes through our town.

Like, fuck right. And Jermaine's like, I think you should go out there, Nubby. I think you should. And he's like, no, I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm kind of down. And I've just accepted that this is not my lot in life, guys. I guess I'm not destined to be a professional cornhole player. I give up.

I quit. My dad and my brother Carl were right, Jermaine. I can't do it. I'm not made for this. I can't do it. My life will be spent however I'm going to spend. However a nubby spins it. And he says, listen.

Listen, that's not the case. And you know why? Because I signed your fucking ass up. I wrote you down. I wrote your fucking name down because obviously you can't do it yourself. So I wrote that shit down. And you're going to go out there and you're going to fucking cornhole and you're going to cornhole good. I'm not doing that shit.

And then what Germain does, he literally just picks up the little fella because he can. I mean, look at him. Where's he going to go? Although, I mean, look, he can shoot people. but like he can't go anywhere. So he picks him up. And he picks him up and he puts him in his terselle. And he's like, watch this shit, pal.

Puts him in a car seat probably. An adult, a moderate, like a decent size car seat. He obviously spills out of it a little bit, but it's, it's a car seat. And it fits him decent. I mean, it's not great. But it does the job. And he brings him over to Ohulahans. pub and grill at where the where they've come through and it looks like they're just about to be

done with the auditions for the cornhole tournament it's over like they're packing up they're packing shit up they're like like and he nubs him in they probably puts him like a shopping cart or something and pushes him in I don't know how they move I don't know what they do but he puts him in like a little shopping cart and he pushes him the fuck in and he's like listen I got one more guy Guys, guys, hold on. Don't close up yet. They're like, listen, man, we already did the, we already did the tryouts. I'm sorry.

And he goes, I got one more. And he's the best fucking cornhole player you've ever seen. He goes, well, God, I got to see this guy. Who is he? He goes, this guy right here. He goes, he goes, grimace? Like, yes, grimace. In that shopping cart.

He's the best fucking cornhole player you're ever going to see. And he's my best fucking friend. Well, who are you? I'm Jermaine. And I am his friend because I know what it's like to be oppressed to and told I can't do things. So they say, well, okay. I mean, look, I mean, look, everybody got, they all, they all laugh. All the townspeople.

They're like, oh, there's this asshole again, thinks he's going to be a professional cornhole man. But then he gets out there and he's like, you know what? And like he's like spazzing out. He's like, Drane, I can't do it. I can't do it. And like the guy, Richard. Richard Jeffer Jefferson. He's like, listen, you got one shot at this.

Here's a bag. Show me what you can do with like a little snickers. He snickers when he says, go ahead and show me what you can do, nubbins. He says, and that kind of like sets him off. He's like, this is bullshit. This is bullshit. Nubbins, you say? And he tosses a bag to him, which he obviously doesn't catch because, again, he has no hands.

but then when it falls to the ground he picks it up with his little nubbies and he picks it up and he goes my name's not fucking nubbins I'm dating James Weber and then what he does is he turns around and faces the door

they're like hey dummy the bags go that way to the board where there's corn hole the hole he goes I'm aware and I don't give a fuck

and then he just throws it over his shoulder with his nubbin he kind of flops it over his shoulder whatever he has to do because he's got a nubbin and it goes right in the fucking cornhole nothing but whole and everybody's like the fuck just happened

everybody's looking at each other like what? What the hell just happened? And they're like do that shit again he goes anybody can get lucky lucky shot

nubbins He's like, fine. And he gives him another bag. Actually, he throws two bags at him. And again, they fell at his feet because he can't catch it. He has no fucking hands. But he then picks them up and balances them upon his nubbins. And he throws both of them over his shoulder at the same fucking time.

And they both go in. Somehow simultaneously, nothing but whole. And at that moment, the jukebox fires off. And at that point, Germain picks up his boy and puts him back in the shopping cart and pushes his ass out of the bar because even if he doesn't make it to the show he knows that he did everything he could

and at that point Richard Jefferson runs out and he's like hey he says yeah what do you need he goes he goes hey nubbins and he turns around and he goes the fuck do you want

and he says you got game he goes yeah I do told you I had game and he says fine meet me back here tomorrow we're hitting the tour together

and then that's where it all began so Jermaine of course put him back in the shopping cart pushed him there the next day and then I don't know how they transport the guy I have no clue but you know that's the story but you ain't got no legs lieutenant day

And now what? And all that. And now this guy's thrown it all the way. And now his dad, now that he's just shot a guy, now his dad's like, his dad had to accept that he was successful for a while. He's like, he like kept it inside because he's actually pissed that he's made it. Because he's like, you little shit. You shouldn't have made this.

You ain't shit. You never will be shit. But then he has to kind of accept it because he throws a couple of bones at him every now and then, like just to show that he can. Like he buys his dad like fancy things with all of his cornhole. money. He's like, hey, dad, you see what this is? This is a Seiko watch with Mickey Mouse and his arms are the hands on the clock. And he gives him fine things. But then now he's going to jail because he shot a guy and he's like, I told you you were nothing but trouble. I told you were

nothing but a stupid fuck up. Now, with all that said, it is certainly a fascinating situation that we find ourselves in here with this guy. And we haven't even really talked about the guy who got shot, which, you know, hey, rest in power, King. It's unfortunate. It's, you know, I don't want you to, you know, die. That's no good. But I have to think that once you get up to the pearly gates and old St. Peter's there.

And he, you know, welcomes you in. You're at the gates. I'm assuming you did nothing wrong other than this, if you're like a pedophile or something, you might be in hell. Whatever. But, like, let's just say your doubt. or up there and you know you're waiting for your turn to go in and there's all these people like oh look there's you know there's whomever waiting to get into heaven you know oh look there's Robert Carradine from the nerds and shit people that have died recently you know just waiting to get in I guess I don't know I don't know the order of events I don't know how it works but then you're waiting up there and you're next up and you're like all right uh all right next on the list uh we have got uh let's see here uh uh The fuck was this guy's name?

I don't even know the guy's name. Whatever his name was. The guy he shot, Bradrick. Bradrick Michael Wells. Hey, guys, we're looking for Bradrick Wells. And he comes up, he's like, I guess it's my time now. I guess it's done. I guess it's time for me to go to heaven.

And St. Peter's like, so how'd you get here, pal? He goes, well, I was shot by a buddy of mine. And he goes, yeah, we all fucking heard, dude. You got shot by a fucking nubbins? What? How did you do that? That's nuts. Like, what are the logistics?

We've been talking about you for weeks waiting for you to get here. We didn't even think it was possible. That's like when I shot that 20 on that hole when I was in high school at the golf regional. And I was like onto the second hole. I just shot at 20. I was on the third. I forgot where I was. And I'm walking with this heavy-ass bag.

clubs it's hot it's louisiana wearing a sweater vest because i'm an asshole i just shot a 20 on the first uh hole and uh and one of the coaches pulls up by me and they're like hey how you hitting them i'm like well not great yeah we all fucking heard you shot a 20 jesus christ i was like can i quit they're like nope you're gonna finish this shit like you you sons of bitches boy what a time Again, though, what we've done here is we've captured the real essence and spirit of America. You know, a lot of countries try to boast that they're better than us now. They're like, we're better than you. Okay.

I'm like, no, you're not. You ain't better than nobody. It ain't better than us. Because we got people that can shoot you without having hands or legs. Anyway, more to come.